Fackham Hall (2025)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:07 1931.
2 00:01:09 England and the Empire
3 00:01:11 are in the grips of the Great Depression,
4 00:01:15 But the British aristocracykeeps calm and carries on.
5 00:01:20 None more so than the Davenports,
6 00:01:24 lords of Fackham Hall for over 400 years.
7 00:01:28 The sheer grandeur of Fackham Hall
8 00:01:30 was a testament to splendor,
9 00:01:33 and an enduring family legacy.
10 00:01:36 Its hallowed rooms have witnessed so much.
11 00:01:39 Life and death, laughter and tragedy,
12 00:01:43 heartbreak and romance.
13 00:01:48 But England was a nation divided by class.
14 00:01:51 The below-stair staffobediently served their masters,
15 00:01:55 and prepared sumptuous feasts.
16 00:01:57 Pheasant, caviar, venison.
17 00:02:00 Whatever a guest desired,they would supply it.
18 00:02:06 And whilst this winterwould prove particularly bleak,
19 00:02:09 the tireless workof those staff below stairs
20 00:02:13 ensured that Lord and Lady Davenportwanted for nothing.
21 00:02:18 They led a decadent lifeof unimaginable luxury,
22 00:02:22 and barely had to lift a finger.
23 00:02:27 So, finally,one of our children is to be wed
24 00:02:30 and shall soon fly the nest.
25 00:02:32 I'm just delighted
26 00:02:34 that our beloved homeshall remain in the family.
27 00:02:37 I'm just delighted thatafter so many years of courting,
28 00:02:39 she's finally found the right cousin.
29 00:02:42 At least Poppy's got our interestsat heart, unlike Rose.
30 00:02:45 Rose may yet marry.
31 00:02:47 Oh, come on, Humphrey.Who'd want old Rose?
32 00:02:50 She's 23. A dried-up husk of a woman.
33 00:02:54 Barren, desiccated.
34 00:02:56 A wizened old walnut of a spinster.
35 00:02:59 Rose, darling, would you pass the milk?
36 00:03:02 Mama, Archibald is ghastly.
37 00:03:06 It's unfair to force Poppy so.
38 00:03:08 Why can't she simply marry for love?
39 00:03:09 Oh, how can you be so naive, child?
40 00:03:12 Do you think that I marriedyour father out of love?
41 00:03:15 Because I found him attractive?
42 00:03:18 Liked his personality? His micro penis?
43 00:03:22 No, I married him out of duty.
44 00:03:26 And we couldn't be happier.
45 00:03:28 But Mama's right, my darling.
46 00:03:30 This is about the future of Fackham Hall.
47 00:03:34 Of our family.
48 00:03:36 We thought, having produced four sons,
49 00:03:39 that the Davenport lineof succession was assured.
50 00:03:44 What cursed luck to lose all four of them.
51 00:03:48 And in four completely separate incidents.
52 00:03:52 I console myself knowing
53 00:03:54 that at least they dieddoing the thing they loved.
54 00:04:03 But does this not make you realize
55 00:04:05 that such an archaic system of succession,
56 00:04:07 that only recognizes male heirsis, pardon my French,
57 00:04:11 a massive crock of shit?
58 00:04:13 Rose, we must be realistic.
59 00:04:16 Your father's not going to live forever.
60 00:04:18 Come on. Father hasthe constitution of an ox.
61 00:04:20 So long as we keep a close eye on him,
62 00:04:22 - he'll remain that way.- How can you be so blind
63 00:04:25 to the circumstances?
64 00:04:26 Unless your sister marries Archibald,we will be evicted.
65 00:04:31 Forced to live in Central London.
66 00:04:33 Then I'll find myself a profession.
67 00:04:35 A Davenport working for money?
68 00:04:39 Are you trying to sendyour father to an early grave?
69 00:04:42 All I ever think ofis Father's well-being.
70 00:04:46 Well, you evidently care lessfor this family
71 00:04:49 than your beautiful sister.
72 00:04:51 Humphrey! Shield your mouth when coughing.
73 00:04:55 My sincerest apologies, Prudence.
74 00:04:58 My lord, ladies.
75 00:05:01 The dressing bell has been rung.
76 00:05:02 Drinks will shortly be servedin the drawing room.
77 00:05:05 - Thank you, Cyril.- I do so hope
78 00:05:07 it will be sunnyfor the wedding. Hey, Cyri.
79 00:05:11 - Mm-hm.- What's the weather tomorrow?
80 00:05:13 Expect partly cloudy skiesin Fackham tomorrow,
81 00:05:17 with a 40 percent chance of snow.
82 00:05:23 Do you ever worry that Cyri
83 00:05:25 is always listening into our conversations?
84 00:05:28 Oh, now, come. Not this again, darling.
85 00:05:31 We've already hadto get rid of poor old Alexa.
86 00:05:34 That's true.
87 00:05:44 London, birthplace of emphysema,
88 00:05:48 child exploitation,
89 00:05:50 and a charmingyoung pickpocket called Eric.
90 00:05:55 National ink shortage!
91 00:05:57 Read all about it! National ink shortage!
92 00:06:07 - You there. Here.- National ink shortage!
93 00:06:09 Blast and botheration!
94 00:06:10 Excuse me, sir. You dropped your wallet.
95 00:06:13 - Ah.- Eric couldn't be more different
96 00:06:16 from the Davenports at Fackham Hall.
97 00:06:19 He doesn't have any land,titles, underwear,
98 00:06:22 or vitamin D.
99 00:06:26 But what he lacks in bone density,
100 00:06:28 he more than makes up for in guile...
101 00:06:31 Here you go, darling.
102 00:06:32 - ...charm...- Thank you.
103 00:06:35 - She's got my watch!- ...and boyish good looks.
104 00:06:37 - Come here- I didn't steal it.
105 00:06:39 Honest to God, sir, I didn't.
106 00:06:40 Eric was amongst the thousandsof young boys orphaned after the war.
107 00:06:44 - Morning.- With only his quick wits,
108 00:06:46 street smarts,
109 00:06:48 and the watchful eyesof the Sisters of Mercy
110 00:06:51 keeping him from penury.
111 00:06:55 Morning, Sister Jude.
112 00:06:58 What can I be doing for you today?
113 00:06:59 Nothing for me. But this gentlemanwishes to speak with you.
114 00:07:03 And of course, our dooris always open to unknown men
115 00:07:06 with an interest in specific children.
116 00:07:09 Yes. He seems likejust the lad for the job.
117 00:07:13 I need a letter delivered here.
118 00:07:17 To the manor houseowned by the Davenports.
119 00:07:19 An obscenely rich family of aristocrats.
120 00:07:21 Fuck 'em all.
121 00:07:23 That's right.
122 00:07:24 Fackham Hall.
123 00:07:26 The most lavish manor housein all of Shropceistershershire.
124 00:07:30 Well, I'm not doing itfor any less than five shillings.
125 00:07:32 I'll pay you a pound.
126 00:07:36 Pleasure doing business with you, mister.
127 00:07:42 Good luck.
128 00:07:51 Eric.
129 00:07:54 You're the smartest childwe've ever had at this orphanage.
130 00:07:58 If only you directedyour talents down the righteous path,
131 00:08:01 you could reallymake something of yourself.
132 00:08:04 "I may do some good before I am dead."
133 00:08:09 It's Thomas Hardy.
134 00:08:10 Here's another quote for you.
135 00:08:13 "Thou shalt not steal."
136 00:08:22 Ah.
137 00:08:24 Your watch, sir.
138 00:08:26 Oh.
139 00:08:28 And your trousers.
140 00:08:29 But I'm wearing my trou--
141 00:08:34 And so begins Eric's adventure,
142 00:08:37 as he sets off to deliverthat precious letter to Lord Davenport.
143 00:08:42 A chance to change his future.
144 00:08:45 And nothing was going to get in his way.
145 00:08:48 Whoa.
146 00:08:57 Shout out to Rachmaninoff.Big up on themself.
147 00:09:01 New track from Carl Ravelland his orchestra just dropped.
148 00:09:04 Straight-up banger. Check it.
149 00:09:46 Oh.
150 00:09:47 Are you all right?
151 00:09:49 I've never been better.
152 00:09:57 Sorry I scratched your car.
153 00:09:58 Don't worry about it.It was like that before.
154 00:10:01 I'm sorry about your bike.
155 00:10:02 Don't worry. It was like that before.
156 00:10:05 I don't know what happened.I think I was...
157 00:10:06 ...momentarily distracted.
158 00:10:08 Yes. I only took my eyesoff the road for a second.
159 00:10:12 I think I was captivated by the sight...
160 00:10:14 ...of an incredibly beautiful woman
161 00:10:16 with the kind of carefree essencethat makes a man glad to be alive!
162 00:10:29 Well, it was nice to meet you.
163 00:10:30 Eric.
164 00:10:32 It's Rose, actually.
165 00:10:34 It was lovely to make your acquaintance.
166 00:10:36 And from now on, I'll pay moreattention to where I'm going.
167 00:11:29 Ms. Davenport! Ms. Davenport!
168 00:11:33 The lord and lady is wonderingwhere you is be, they do.
169 00:11:35 - What did you tell them?- I spared your blushes, m'lady.
170 00:11:37 Said you were wrestlingwith a tricky dump.
171 00:11:39 Oh, thank you, Patricia.I just needed to clear my head
172 00:11:42 before watching my darling sister, Poppy,marry that odious Archie.
173 00:11:49 There. Good as new.
174 00:12:02 Wonderful to see you, Viscount Wolsey.
175 00:12:05 So good of youto join us, Lord Lucan.
176 00:12:07 Welcome to our home, Lady Gaga.
177 00:12:14 Where on earth have you been?
178 00:12:16 Please don't say reading or thinking.
179 00:12:18 As you well know, that's men's work.
180 00:12:20 Humpty!
181 00:12:21 Ah! If it isn't J.R.R. Tolkien,the writer.
182 00:12:25 Poppy, dear old friend of minefrom Oxford, John.
183 00:12:29 Please. Call me J.R.R. Tolkien,the writer.
184 00:12:32 It's a pleasure to meet you.
185 00:12:34 Would I know anything you've written?
186 00:12:35 I doubt it.He's not had anything published.
187 00:12:37 Well, not yet.
188 00:12:39 But I have spent the last 15 years
189 00:12:41 coming up with an alphabet for orcs.
190 00:12:43 May your firstborn thrive
191 00:12:47 or die by the hand of Sauron.
192 00:12:52 What a delightful language.
193 00:12:57 Remember, Fifi,
194 00:12:58 the Davenports are one of the mosteminent families in the whole of England.
195 00:13:01 So, please, try not to be too American.
196 00:13:03 Oh, please, honey. They'll barely notice.
197 00:13:08 - Lord Davenport.- You remember Bert?
198 00:13:10 - Archibald's best man.- Good to see you.
199 00:13:13 Thank you for having me.
200 00:13:18 What a quaint little cottage.
201 00:13:20 Oh, my.
202 00:13:22 Richard, do hurry up.
203 00:13:24 Gladys, is that really all you can carry?
204 00:13:27 As the orphan lad approached,
205 00:13:30 he sensed this must be Fackham Hall.
206 00:13:34 He could tell by its grandeur, presence,
207 00:13:39 and its sign saying "Fackham Hall."
208 00:14:11 - Excuse me, mister.- Oh.
209 00:14:13 Ah, you're here for the positionof hall boy. Is that right?
210 00:14:17 - Actually, I just wanted to--- There will be no negotiation.
211 00:14:21 The wage is four pounds a week.Take it or leave it.
212 00:14:24 - I'll take it.- Edna.
213 00:14:27 I have procured you a new hall boy.
214 00:14:29 Heaven forfend I get a sayin who works for me.
215 00:14:33 Do let us hope he's up to it, Cyril.
216 00:14:35 Hut. Follow me, laddie.
217 00:14:37 As hall boy, you arethe lowest-ranked member of staff.
218 00:14:40 Every afternoon,you must polish the silverware.
219 00:14:43 Silverware is any utensil made of silver.
220 00:14:46 Then it is dinner. Dinner is a mealpartaken in the evening.
221 00:14:49 After which you mustclear the plates from the table.
222 00:14:52 The table is an item of furniturewith a flat top and four legs.
223 00:14:56 Finally, you must mop the floor.
224 00:14:58 The floor is the bottom surface of a room.
225 00:15:00 A room is any spaceenclosed by a number of walls.
226 00:15:04 A wall
227 00:15:07 is like a floor that's sideways.Do you understand?
228 00:15:11 Yes, miss.I won't disappoint you. I promise.
229 00:15:14 Get out of my sight.
230 00:15:17 Excuse me, sir.
231 00:15:18 Who do I speak to about the hall boy job?
232 00:15:20 I'm afraid that vacancy has been filled.
233 00:15:41 Ms. Davenport.
234 00:15:42 Allow me to introduce myself.
235 00:15:44 I'm Darvesh Khaled,your father's lawyer and old friend.
236 00:15:49 Oh, yes. From the trenches.You fought with my father.
237 00:15:52 No, we were on the same side.
238 00:15:54 Oh. Oh, Mr. Khaled,
239 00:15:57 may I introduce youto Great Aunt Bonaparte?
240 00:15:59 A pleasure, ma'am.
241 00:16:00 Bonaparte.
242 00:16:02 Are you related to Napoleon?
243 00:16:04 Yes. He's my nephew.
244 00:16:06 Oh.
245 00:16:08 Mrs. McAllister, I've doneeverything you asked me to.
246 00:16:11 - Really? Already?- Yes, ma'am.
247 00:16:14 You've brought all the wineup from the cellar?
248 00:16:16 Yes, ma'am.
249 00:16:18 - And taken it to the drawing room?- Yes, ma'am.
250 00:16:21 And closed the cellar hatch?
251 00:16:25 I'll do that now, ma'am.
252 00:16:29 Where is Richard?
253 00:16:31 He's supposed to be serving the champagne.
254 00:16:34 You'll have to do it,and not looking like that.
255 00:16:37 Get a move on.
256 00:16:42 You've got the castle, the cathedral,the chocolate factory.
257 00:16:46 I simply don't understandwhy anyone would want a new York.
258 00:16:49 Here's £10 to stop talking.
259 00:16:53 Now, I have a business proposal,Mr. Davenport.
260 00:16:56 I'm expanding my fashion empire,
261 00:16:58 and I need a small pied-à-terrein England.
262 00:17:01 How much to buy Fackham Hall?
263 00:17:03 I'm not sure you could afford iton the wage of a seamstress.
264 00:17:06 I'll pay double its value.
265 00:17:08 And I promise to keep its integrity.
266 00:17:10 All I'd do is add a jazz bar,a small casino, and 30 stories.
267 00:17:15 I appreciate that this may be the way
268 00:17:16 you conduct your business in the Americas,
269 00:17:19 but Fackham Hall simply isn't for sale.
270 00:17:21 Well, we'll see about that.
271 00:17:24 A word of warning, Mr. Davenport.
272 00:17:27 I have a habit of getting what I want.
273 00:17:30 About half the size of a human.
274 00:17:46 Oh.
275 00:17:54 - Champagne?- Yes, please.
276 00:17:58 Ladies and gentlemen.
277 00:18:00 Please welcome the bride- and groom-to-be,
278 00:18:02 Mr. Archibald Davenportand Ms. Poppy Davenport, his fiancée.
279 00:18:08 And first cousin.
280 00:18:15 My word, Mary, a man.
281 00:18:19 Oh, Constance. He's so good-lookingI can barely breathe.
282 00:18:22 I can't wait till I marry a man.
283 00:18:25 It is only thenthat my life will be of any worth.
284 00:18:27 Ms. Valentine, have you metthe Bechdel Sisters?
285 00:18:30 Ladies and gentlemen,
286 00:18:31 it is very rareyou find someone so beautiful,
287 00:18:35 someone so intelligent,
288 00:18:38 someone that you would moveheaven and earth for.
289 00:18:41 But after years of searching,Poppy found me.
290 00:18:45 I just feel so lucky.
291 00:18:47 I mean, after all,we have so much in common.
292 00:18:49 For example, our grandparents.
293 00:18:51 - Yes.- Yeah.
294 00:18:53 Please, enjoy the festivities.
295 00:19:02 I'm sorry. You may neverhost a party like this for me.
296 00:19:06 My dear.
297 00:19:08 There are many here
298 00:19:10 who believe that marriagevalidates one's existence.
299 00:19:14 I'm not among them.
300 00:19:16 I'm just so very proud of the intelligent,
301 00:19:20 kind, and elegant young womanyou have become.
302 00:19:25 Deviled egg, ma'am?
303 00:19:37 Stop gawping and do your job.
304 00:19:57 So, wrong sideof Mrs. McAllister on day one.
305 00:20:00 That's a record.
306 00:20:02 So, you know your music, sir.
307 00:20:06 Is that your name?
308 00:20:07 Eric Noone.
309 00:20:09 Pronounced "no one," sir.
310 00:20:11 So, which bedroom's yours then?
311 00:20:14 Oh, I never sleep.
312 00:20:15 It interferes with my duties.
313 00:20:16 Here we are.
314 00:20:20 Your quarters.
315 00:20:22 You'll be sharing with Tom, Fred, Harry,
316 00:20:25 Richard, and Alexander.
317 00:20:27 Jammy bastard. They've put youstraight in the big room.
318 00:20:33 All's wellthat ends better, Humpty.
319 00:20:39 Are you bride or groom, sir?
320 00:20:42 No, I'm a guest.
321 00:20:57 Whew!
322 00:21:19 My darling Poppy.
323 00:21:21 Now, before you embark on this new life,
324 00:21:23 I want to give you something
325 00:21:25 that my mother gave Prudenceon our wedding day.
326 00:21:38 It's a necklace box.
327 00:21:40 Oh, wow.
328 00:21:43 Oh, Daddy, thank you.
329 00:21:50 Alexander.
330 00:21:55 Are you ready?
331 00:21:57 Mm-hm.
332 00:22:36 Oh.
333 00:22:38 Daddy.
334 00:22:39 Oh.
335 00:23:03 Please be seated.
336 00:23:07 Welcome, friends and family,and of course, Archibald and Poppy.
337 00:23:11 Let us pray you never marry.
338 00:23:15 Let us pray. You never marry without love.
339 00:23:18 You never love without God.God is almighty. God is everywhere.
340 00:23:23 God is touching you allin your private places.
341 00:23:27 God is touching you all.
342 00:23:29 In your private places,in your darkest times,
343 00:23:32 God is there shining a light.
344 00:23:33 And today he's shining a lightfor these two arseholes.
345 00:23:38 And today he's shininga light for these two.
346 00:23:40 Our souls are eternally in his debt. Amen.
347 00:23:44 Amen.
348 00:23:54 Does anyone have a reasonwhy Archibald and Poppy
349 00:23:58 should not be bound togetherin holy matrimony?
350 00:24:00 Speak now or forever hold your peace.
351 00:24:05 No one? Good.
352 00:24:07 Stop.
353 00:24:12 I know a reason why we shouldn't marry.
354 00:24:15 I don't love him.
355 00:24:18 I love another.
356 00:24:22 I'm sorry, Archie, but I cannotspend the rest of my life living a lie.
357 00:24:28 Lionel.
358 00:24:29 Get up.
359 00:24:31 Pop... Poppy.
360 00:24:32 Poppy.
361 00:24:35 Now this is a fucking wedding.
362 00:24:40 Lionel? Lionel.
363 00:25:00 I love you.I want us to be together forever.
364 00:25:04 Okay. Okay.
365 00:25:15 Goodbye!
366 00:25:28 Your attention, please.
367 00:25:31 Your attention, please.
368 00:25:34 Shh.
369 00:25:37 Shh.
370 00:25:41 Despite today's unpleasantness,
371 00:25:44 you must all remain at Fackham Hall.
372 00:25:48 To spare Archibald's blushes,
373 00:25:50 I would appreciate itif from this moment on,
374 00:25:53 nobody mentioned this morning's... hiccup.
375 00:25:57 Specifically, the disastrous wedding,
376 00:25:59 Archibald being humiliated at the altar,
377 00:26:01 the enthusiasm with which the bridefled from her jilted fiancé.
378 00:26:06 And please, no mention
379 00:26:07 of Archibald's animalisticwailing from the vestry,
380 00:26:11 which we all pretended we couldn't hear.
381 00:26:15 Thank you, Lord Davenport.
382 00:26:18 That's very thoughtful of you.
383 00:26:20 Please all have a wonderful weekend.
384 00:26:25 I knew it aboutLionel and Poppy, I does, I did.
385 00:26:28 Oftens I saw hersneaking back late at night.
386 00:26:30 Never not said nothingto her ladyship. If she asked,
387 00:26:33 I said Poppy was in the woodshedwhittling a dildo.
388 00:26:36 That's quite enoughtittle-tattle from you two.
389 00:26:39 Ms. Rose will take tea in her room.
390 00:26:41 Yes, Mrs. McAllister, ma'am, m'lady.
391 00:27:20 You? What? Why didn't you tell meyou worked here?
392 00:27:22 Why didn't you tell me you lived here?
393 00:27:25 This is a big house for a chauffeur.
394 00:27:28 Yes.
395 00:27:31 I'd rather appreciate itif you didn't tell anyone
396 00:27:32 you saw me driving Father's car.
397 00:27:34 Don't worry. You can trust me.
398 00:27:35 I'm good with secrets.
399 00:27:36 To this day, I never told a soul
400 00:27:38 about Sister Mary stealingfrom the collection plate,
401 00:27:40 or Sister Jude's sex holidaysin Amsterdam,
402 00:27:43 or the time Father Jessoptricked four choir boys into--
403 00:27:45 It's good to know I can trust you.
404 00:27:48 You certainly can, Ms. Rose.
405 00:27:52 Excuse me for asking.
406 00:27:53 What is that you're reading?
407 00:27:56 This?
408 00:28:00 It's a tale of forbidden love.
409 00:28:02 Ah.
410 00:28:04 I'd love to borrow thatwhen you're done with it.
411 00:28:07 You read?
412 00:28:08 I forget who coined the phrase,
413 00:28:10 but reading brings us to unknown friends.
414 00:28:13 - That's Balzac's.- No, it's true.
415 00:28:16 I think it was a French novelist.
416 00:28:19 Where shall I put your tea?
417 00:28:22 I'd best take that. Having a gentleman
418 00:28:23 enter my private quarters would be...
419 00:28:34 Forbidden?
420 00:28:41 Hall boy.
421 00:28:52 Eric. You leave us no choice.
422 00:28:55 Your employment is terminated.
423 00:29:00 - My lady.- I just wanted to make sure
424 00:29:01 the new hall boydoesn't get into any trouble
425 00:29:03 as a result of my asking himto bring me my tea.
426 00:29:05 - You asked him?- Yes.
427 00:29:09 To give Patricia a break.
428 00:29:14 Well, I'll leave you to your meeting.
429 00:29:20 Oh.
430 00:29:21 I meant to ask for some sugar.
431 00:29:38 And you don't have to stand upevery time I enter the room.
432 00:29:50 Well, it seems my hand is forced, laddie.
433 00:29:53 You stay.
434 00:29:55 For now.
435 00:30:13 I truly thought
436 00:30:15 that this would be where I would live outthe remainder of my days.
437 00:30:20 But there's little we can do.
438 00:30:22 The law is clear.
439 00:30:24 Archibald is the rightful heirto Fackham Hall.
440 00:30:27 Why did it have to be him of all people?
441 00:30:30 If only George hadn't died.
442 00:30:33 Or John.
443 00:30:34 Or Paul.
444 00:30:37 Or little Ringo.
445 00:30:39 Or our eldest nephew.
446 00:30:41 Humphrey.
447 00:30:43 I never dare ask Phyllis.
448 00:30:46 What actually happenedto Archibald's older brother?
449 00:30:48 - Ah, Nathaniel?- Mm.
450 00:30:50 He went to fight the war at a young age.
451 00:30:54 To defend the freedomsof this great country.
452 00:30:57 Hm.
453 00:30:58 He was just a child.
454 00:31:02 Officer Davenport. Are you readyto make the ultimate sacrifice?
455 00:31:07 Give those Jerries hell.For king and country!
456 00:31:15 I've often tried to discover
457 00:31:16 what happened to the poor boy,but to no avail.
458 00:31:19 And now her surviving son,
459 00:31:21 jilted at the altar by our ferallittle egg-brained daughter.
460 00:31:26 Even if Poppy did recant,
461 00:31:29 it seems inconceivablethat Archibald's wounded pride
462 00:31:32 would permit him to marry her now.
463 00:31:34 What about Rose?
464 00:31:36 It's illegal for sisters to marry.
465 00:31:38 Pity. But what if Rosewere to marry Archibald?
466 00:31:44 An intriguing proposition.
467 00:31:47 Hmm.
468 00:32:01 Archibald? I don't know if--
469 00:32:06 Archibald? I don't know if--
470 00:32:17 Archibald,I don't know if I mentioned,
471 00:32:21 but Rose is very well-read.
472 00:32:25 That comes as no surprise.
473 00:32:27 I mean, what else is a woman to dowhen she is without a husband?
474 00:32:32 Shit just got real.
475 00:32:34 Now that your honeymoonhas been canceled,
476 00:32:36 you shall have more time to read.
477 00:32:38 Perhaps I could direct youto a tome on manners.
478 00:32:41 Sick burn, bitch.
479 00:32:43 Maybe the next timeyou find yourself in a library,
480 00:32:45 perhaps you could seek out some texts
481 00:32:47 to explain how a lady should behave, hm?
482 00:32:50 Maybe then you'll have a betterchance of finding a husband.
483 00:32:52 Yes. It is unfortunate
484 00:32:54 to have not had a partner.
485 00:32:56 But is it not more carelessto procure one,
486 00:32:58 only to then lose her?
487 00:33:01 Wasteman just got merked.
488 00:33:04 Rose, may I speak with you outside?
489 00:33:18 Rose, darling,do you not see our predicament?
490 00:33:23 Thanks to your sister's selfish behavior,
491 00:33:25 if we are to remain in Fackham Hall,
492 00:33:27 another lady in our familymust wed Archibald.
493 00:33:30 No. You can't. You're married to Father.
494 00:33:33 Darling. I'm talking about you.
495 00:33:35 Oh.
496 00:33:37 No! You think I would choose
497 00:33:40 to spend the rest of my lifewith that pig?
498 00:33:43 No, I shall not, and I shwill not.
499 00:33:44 Enough. Mr. Tolkien.
500 00:33:47 - The writer.- Indeed.
501 00:33:49 Being contrary is the main causeof brain degeneration in women.
502 00:33:52 Ask any male scientist.
503 00:33:54 From this moment onwards,you must make Archibald fall for you.
504 00:33:59 For the good of the family.
505 00:34:03 Rose.
506 00:34:04 Rose!
507 00:34:06 So sorry. It's her time of the month,where she menstruates.
508 00:34:18 I'm so sorry.
509 00:34:23 Rose? Are you all right?
510 00:34:26 It's nothing you need to be burdened with.
511 00:34:29 Please. It's no burden at all.
512 00:34:31 You can tell me anything.
513 00:34:33 It will stay strictly between us.
514 00:34:37 Mother wants me to marry Archibald,
515 00:34:39 but I do not love him.
516 00:34:43 I see.
517 00:34:53 You prefer to wait for your Heathcliff.
518 00:34:57 You've read Wuthering Heights?
519 00:35:01 Eric, you are a rare creature.
520 00:35:06 Do you think it foolish of a ladyto listen to her heart?
521 00:35:11 I believe that when the heart aches,
522 00:35:14 that's when we should listen the most.
523 00:35:20 How does anyone know when they're in love?
524 00:35:22 Maybe there's just something in the air.
525 00:35:32 I should go.
526 00:35:45 ♪ An invite to Buckingham Palace ♪
527 00:35:50 ♪ Arrived at my home in Belgravia ♪
528 00:35:55 ♪ When meeting the kingAnd meeting the queen ♪
529 00:36:00 ♪ One must be on one's best behavior ♪
530 00:36:05 ♪ But I went to the palaceWith my willy hanging out ♪
531 00:36:09 ♪ And nobody thought to tell me ♪
532 00:36:12 ♪ They were too politeIt was hanging out all night ♪
533 00:36:15 ♪ And no one stopped to tell meThat my pecker was in sight ♪
534 00:36:18 ♪ I had a tiny hunchWhen it dangled in the punch ♪
535 00:36:20 ♪ And my johnson went all chilly ♪
536 00:36:23 ♪ The Duke of NorwichHe thought it was a sausage ♪
537 00:36:26 ♪ When he hadA little nibble on my willy ♪
538 00:36:28 ♪ Silly ♪
539 00:36:30 ♪ I went to the palaceWith my willy hanging out ♪
540 00:36:35 ♪ I don't think thatHis Highness will forget me ♪
541 00:36:38 ♪ The king, he saw my bell ♪
542 00:36:42 ♪ But did the night go swell? ♪
543 00:36:46 ♪ Well, they asked me to the palaceNext week as well ♪
544 00:36:54 And look, there it is. Such wit.
545 00:37:05 Your mother thought it would be prudent
546 00:37:07 if you were to join us for the hunt.
547 00:37:09 Perhaps Archibaldmay get to know you better.
548 00:37:12 Right now, I'd gladlyswap places with the pheasant.
549 00:37:16 I've always felt thatwomen do not belong on hunts.
550 00:37:19 Don't be so utterly ridiculous.
551 00:37:21 Ridiculous? It's science.
552 00:37:23 Their petticoats get tangledin the undergrowth.
553 00:37:25 Their perfumes scare the pheasants,
554 00:37:28 and their feminine giggles,they rust the bullets.
555 00:37:31 Mr. Khaled, are you okay?
556 00:37:34 Yes. It's just...
557 00:37:36 the sound of guns being primed for action.
558 00:37:40 It takes me backto my time in the trenches.
559 00:37:44 If you don't mind my asking,is that how you got your limp?
560 00:37:54 The war is over! The war is over!
561 00:37:59 The war is over!
562 00:38:03 War's over!
563 00:38:11 I'd rather not talk about it,Ms. Davenport.
564 00:38:13 I understand.
565 00:38:16 Thank you for your service.
566 00:38:28 Ha!
567 00:38:29 Bloody good shot.
568 00:38:31 Bugger it.
569 00:38:36 Well done, Father.
570 00:38:39 Fuck it.
571 00:38:41 Not having much luck today, Archibald?
572 00:38:43 Just familiarizing myself
573 00:38:44 with this new weapon.
574 00:38:50 Bloody good shot, old bean.
575 00:38:53 Yeah.
576 00:38:59 Sir, shall I take him backto the house and call a doctor?
577 00:39:01 No, no. Just chop his legs offand roast him for dinner.
578 00:39:04 What about Richard, sir?
579 00:39:06 Oh, yes. Tragic.Without a beater,
580 00:39:08 we must curtail the hunt.
581 00:39:10 - Sad day for us all.- Father, wait.
582 00:39:12 There's a fellow back at the housewho might be able to step up.
583 00:39:24 Bugger it.
584 00:39:37 Father. No.
585 00:39:43 Rose.
586 00:39:46 You're the most wonderful daughtera father could ever wish to have.
587 00:39:49 Tell Poppy I forgive her.
588 00:39:51 But more importantly,tell your mother that
589 00:39:55 I... I...
590 00:40:00 shall not be attending tea this evening.
591 00:40:06 I'll never forgive you for this.
592 00:40:09 Excuse me, Ms. Davenport.
593 00:40:12 There's no blood.
594 00:40:22 Oh.
595 00:40:24 Blow me.
596 00:40:26 Looks like my old pocket watch
597 00:40:27 must have saved my life. I'm alive.
598 00:40:32 - Ah!- Well, I have learned
599 00:40:33 a very valuable lesson.Be careful where you point.
600 00:40:44 I can see a light.
601 00:40:48 I can see my sons.
602 00:40:50 John,
603 00:40:52 Paul, George, Ringo.
604 00:40:56 Let's come together.
605 00:40:59 I wanna hold your hands.
606 00:41:00 Oh, dear Prudence.
607 00:41:04 Dear, dear Prudence.
608 00:41:07 I am the walrus.
609 00:41:09 His mind's turned fevered.
610 00:41:16 Daddy's coming, boys.
611 00:41:30 Ah!
612 00:41:32 My Bloody Mary.
613 00:41:33 Of course.
614 00:41:35 Bloody Mary.
615 00:41:37 Oh, bad luck, old chap.
616 00:41:39 Ah, I really thoughtyou'd bagged your first kill.
617 00:41:42 Bloody Mary.
618 00:41:49 Thank you for stepping in to save Father.
619 00:41:51 Ah, well.Anybody would've done the same.
620 00:41:54 But they didn't.
621 00:41:55 Rose.
622 00:41:57 I wanted to just say
623 00:42:00 sorry for shooting your fatherin the heart... twice.
624 00:42:04 I'm usually a much better marksman.
625 00:42:06 It's this faulty gun they've given me.
626 00:42:08 It's wonky barreled.It doesn't shoot straight.
627 00:42:10 Um... May I?
628 00:42:13 Be my guest.
629 00:42:21 As I said.
630 00:42:41 Beginner's luck.
631 00:42:54 Young man, I've been reflecting
632 00:42:56 on your swift thinkingduring this morning's shoot.
633 00:42:59 You're a good sort to have close by, Eric.
634 00:43:02 How would you like to be my new valet?
635 00:43:05 It would be an honor, sir.
636 00:43:07 Excellent. This calls for a cigar.
637 00:43:10 Here they are, in my secretcigar and money drawer.
638 00:43:15 Thank you, sir.
639 00:43:16 Alexander, pen yourself a letterwith news of your demotion.
640 00:43:23 It'd be my pleasure, sir.
641 00:43:42 What do you keep writingin that little book of yours?
642 00:43:45 Ideas. For my novel.
643 00:43:47 I'm always listening out for inspiration.
644 00:43:52 Oh, darling,have you seen my cigar cutter?
645 00:43:55 In your trousers, my precious.
646 00:43:57 Wait. Say that again.
647 00:44:01 Uh...
648 00:44:02 In your trousers, my precious?
649 00:44:05 In your trousers.
650 00:44:15 Rose, I just wanted you to know
651 00:44:17 that I was in the library earlier,
652 00:44:19 and I chanced upon a poemthat reminded me of you.
653 00:44:27 Would you mind if I read it now?
654 00:44:30 Very well.
655 00:44:41 Such a beautiful poem.
656 00:44:42 - Mm.- It appears your Archie
657 00:44:44 is rather smitten with Rose.
658 00:44:47 It's nice to see himtemporarily distracted
659 00:44:50 from the Grim Reaper's inevitable grasp.
660 00:44:54 Indeed.
661 00:44:57 I'm a lot more fun thanyou probably first thought, hm?
662 00:45:01 I'm sure you are.
663 00:45:03 - Enjoy the rest of your evening.- Uh--
664 00:45:07 - Cyri?- Mm-hm.
665 00:45:09 Play dance music.
666 00:45:11 Playing dance music on the gramophone.
667 00:45:17 Hm?
668 00:45:19 - Dance with me, Rose.- I'd rather not.
669 00:45:22 Um...
670 00:45:25 Don't embarrass me. People are watching.
671 00:45:27 Let go of me.
672 00:45:28 Just dance. It's fun.
673 00:45:29 Archibald, let go of me.
674 00:45:30 Ms. Davenport asked you to let go.
675 00:45:33 Oof.
676 00:45:36 Mr. Davenport, I apologize that my faceinterrupted the flight of your hand.
677 00:45:41 - Yes.- And I deeply regret
678 00:45:43 the behavior of my junior colleague.
679 00:45:45 As you should.
680 00:45:46 When I inherit this place,I'll sack the lot of you.
681 00:45:49 You impertinent morons.
682 00:45:51 - Very good, sir.- Yes.
683 00:45:52 Eric?
684 00:46:00 You have putall our jobs at risk.
685 00:46:03 You are here to serve, and serve alone.
686 00:46:06 Us lowly downstairs folk
687 00:46:08 must never become romantically entangledwith those above stairs.
688 00:46:11 Mark my words, it never ends well.
689 00:46:15 If we are to see outour days at Fackham Hall,
690 00:46:17 then Rose must marry Archibald.
691 00:46:20 And you are obstructing that.
692 00:46:22 Now, for all our sakes,first thing tomorrow,
693 00:46:25 you must pack up your bags and leave.
694 00:46:27 To save any upset,
695 00:46:29 I shall simply inform his lordship
696 00:46:30 that you have contracted rabies,
697 00:46:32 found employment elsewhere, died,
698 00:46:34 fallen pregnant, and run away.
699 00:46:36 Now, go.
700 00:47:38 Rose. What are you doing here?
701 00:47:40 I came to find you. What did they say?
702 00:47:43 They fired me. I leave tomorrow.
703 00:47:46 No. No, they cannot, and they shall not.
704 00:47:48 They shwill not and they shwell not.
705 00:47:50 I'll speak to Father.
706 00:47:52 Rose. No, it's fine. It's done now.
707 00:47:55 - Oh, no.- This place isn't for me anyway.
708 00:47:57 - Fackham Hall?- Yeah, fuck 'em all.
709 00:48:01 Well...
710 00:48:03 Well, if this is to beour last night together,
711 00:48:04 let's go somewhere.Somewhere we can be ourselves.
712 00:48:07 Just like when we first met.
713 00:48:08 I know. Let's go to a pub.
714 00:48:10 What about the Dog & Drake?I've driven past it many a time,
715 00:48:12 but never dared go in.
716 00:48:14 Yeah, why not.
717 00:48:16 But they're not really the biggest fansof you Davenports in there.
718 00:48:21 So, you can't really go indressed like that.
719 00:48:27 Then I shall just have to blend in.
720 00:48:33 - Evening.- Evening.
721 00:48:38 - And stay out.- But I'm the landlord.
722 00:48:45 After you.
723 00:48:54 Follow me.
724 00:48:59 I'll have two of my usual, please, Karl.
725 00:49:06 Who's this?
726 00:49:07 Don't you remember me?
727 00:49:08 My name is, um...
728 00:49:11 Rose...
729 00:49:14 Devon...
730 00:49:16 Port.
731 00:49:18 Rose Devonport.
732 00:49:20 Good. 'Cause for a moment,
733 00:49:23 you looked like one of themFackham Hall lot.
734 00:49:25 And we hate those stuck-up bastards.
735 00:49:28 Well, I can assure you,I'm apples and pears not.
736 00:49:35 Spoken like a true Cockney.
737 00:49:38 Thanks, Karl.
738 00:49:44 - Ow!- Bulls-eye.
739 00:49:50 Come here.
740 00:49:53 Are all pubs like this?
741 00:49:54 Oh, no, no. This is a posh one.
742 00:49:58 Follow me.
743 00:50:00 Perfect. My lady.
744 00:50:06 One...
745 00:50:11 Rose for the lady?
746 00:50:12 Thank you, but I have a beautiful roseof my very own right here.
747 00:50:20 Suit yourself, love.
748 00:50:22 It's so thrilling being here with you.
749 00:50:25 No more pretending,no more holding back my feelings.
750 00:50:27 I can be myself.
751 00:50:30 Tell me your dreams.
752 00:50:31 Well, I have this dreamwhere my penis falls off,
753 00:50:35 but I can't go to the doctorbecause I'm late for school.
754 00:50:36 Same.
755 00:50:38 Really?
756 00:50:40 Do you have any other dreams?
757 00:50:43 I dream of one day escapingto the most romantic place on earth.
758 00:50:49 The city of love.
759 00:50:50 The city of art.
760 00:50:53 The city of poets.
761 00:50:58 Blackpool.
762 00:51:00 Wow.
763 00:51:03 Maybe we could go there one day. Together.
764 00:51:07 Yes.
765 00:51:11 Oh, no. It's a Cockney knees-up.
766 00:51:14 Join in. You'll definitelyall know the words
767 00:51:16 'cause we're all genuineCockneys here, aren't we?
768 00:51:19 Yeah!
769 00:51:21 Just follow along, you'll be all right.
770 00:51:23 ♪ Little Jack Steel strangled an eel ♪
771 00:51:26 ♪ Sold it at the Camden market ♪
772 00:51:28 ♪ Brixton Billy went to Piccadilly ♪
773 00:51:30 ♪ Choked on a whelk and carked it ♪
774 00:51:33 ♪ Cockney air, Trafalgar Square ♪
775 00:51:35 ♪ Do a Jimmy Riddle on Nelson's pole ♪
776 00:51:38 ♪ London's my favorite ♪
777 00:51:42 ♪ Shit hole ♪
778 00:52:03 Oh, well, he made it to seven.
779 00:52:05 To London's oldest ever chimney sweep.
780 00:52:09 Yeah!
781 00:52:14 ♪ Greasy spoonWank at the moon ♪
782 00:52:17 ♪ Waterloo blinkin' station ♪
783 00:52:19 ♪ Causing a fussDouble-decker bus ♪
784 00:52:22 ♪ Football altercation ♪
785 00:52:24 ♪ Deadly smogBollocks of a dog ♪
786 00:52:26 ♪ Jack the RipperAnd a sausage roll ♪
787 00:52:29 ♪ London's my favoriteLondon's my favorite ♪
788 00:52:31 ♪ London's my favorite ♪
789 00:52:33 ♪ Shit hole ♪
790 00:52:34 ♪ One more time ♪
791 00:52:39 ♪ London's my favoriteLondon's my favorite ♪
792 00:52:41 ♪ London's my favorite ♪
793 00:52:48 Uh...
794 00:52:52 Capital city?
795 00:53:00 For a minute there,I thought she didn't know it.
796 00:53:04 Yeah!
797 00:53:09 You cold?
798 00:54:20 But unbeknownstto our star-crossed lovers,
799 00:54:24 life at Fackham Hall was aboutto take a turn for the worse.
800 00:54:30 Especially for Lord Davenport.
801 00:54:38 Humphrey, open a window.
802 00:54:41 Something smells ghastly in here.
803 00:54:47 Humphrey.
804 00:55:20 Inspector Robert Watt.
805 00:55:22 I'm here regarding the murderof Lord Davenport.
806 00:55:24 I'm afraid you're too late.Someone's already done it.
807 00:55:28 But come in anyway.
808 00:55:46 Follow me.
809 00:55:54 Hmm.
810 00:55:58 Uh-huh.
811 00:56:00 Oh, yeah.
812 00:56:02 Cyril, who was the last personto see Lord Davenport alive?
813 00:56:05 The murderer.
814 00:56:07 Just as I thought.
815 00:56:08 Now, would you be so kindas to pour me a glass of that whiskey?
816 00:56:12 Certainly.
817 00:56:15 Wait. This is poison.
818 00:56:17 Precisely.
819 00:56:19 So, Lord Davenport was poisoned.
820 00:56:21 Not necessarily.
821 00:56:24 - Do you see this?- Yes.
822 00:56:26 Tiny holes in the lapel.
823 00:56:30 Whoever did this had accessto some form of caustic chemical.
824 00:56:39 And do you smell that?
825 00:56:43 Whew, yes.
826 00:56:45 An intense sulfurous odorthat stings the eyes.
827 00:56:52 My apologies.
828 00:56:55 That happens when I crouch.
829 00:56:58 Oh.
830 00:57:00 Specks of blood.
831 00:57:02 Hm.
832 00:57:04 What did you wishto speak to us about, Mr. Khaled?
833 00:57:06 No, no, no, no. Please, call me Darvesh.
834 00:57:10 As you know, Humphrey entrustedhis affairs to my legal firm.
835 00:57:18 He may have been my client,
836 00:57:20 but more than that, he was a dear friendand an honorable soldier.
837 00:57:24 I just wish I could have been therelast night to save his life
838 00:57:28 just as he saved mine in the war.
839 00:57:33 Incoming!
840 00:57:40 You really shouldget that mole checked out.
841 00:57:49 Poppy.
842 00:57:53 I'm so glad to see you.
843 00:57:56 Hello, Mother.
844 00:57:57 Poppy.
845 00:58:00 Am I welcome here?
846 00:58:03 Of course you are.Fackham Hall will always be your home.
847 00:58:07 Fackham Hall is no longer your home.
848 00:58:10 On the death of the lord,
849 00:58:12 the title and estatepassed to the next male heir.
850 00:58:14 Therefore, Archibald Davenportis now lord of Fackham.
851 00:58:19 But we're aristocracy.Surely laws don't apply to us.
852 00:58:24 Is there nothing that can be done?
853 00:58:25 The only respite I can offer is
854 00:58:27 the title cannot legally pass to Archibald
855 00:58:30 until the investigationinto Humphrey's murder is concluded.
856 00:58:34 So, if, say, Rose were to marryArchibald before that?
857 00:58:39 Then you can all remain here.
858 00:58:46 The inspector would likeyour presence in the drawing room.
859 00:58:49 What if we haven't got him a present?
860 00:58:53 Oh, very well.
861 00:58:59 Poppy, what should I do?
862 00:59:02 I don't want our family to be evicted.
863 00:59:04 But what is a life devoid of love?
864 00:59:06 My dear Rose.
865 00:59:09 You know, I too was once blinded by love.
866 00:59:14 In those early blooms of passion,
867 00:59:16 I didn't care a jot that Lionelwasn't an aristocrat,
868 00:59:20 that he had no money,
869 00:59:22 that he didn't wash.
870 00:59:24 I didn't care that he wasn't handsome
871 00:59:27 or kind, or monogamous,or allowed near schools.
872 00:59:33 But if I were to have my time again,
873 00:59:38 maybe, just maybe
874 00:59:43 I wouldn't havegiven all of this up for Lionel.
875 01:00:03 It appears you no longerneed to pack, young Eric.
876 01:00:07 The inspector says no one can leave.
877 01:00:10 Apparently, we are all suspects now.
878 01:00:15 I'm sorry, I don't finance novels.
879 01:00:18 Well, Lord Davenport
880 01:00:19 shouldn't be on your listbecause he's dead.
881 01:00:21 But otherwise, everyone's here.
882 01:00:24 Thank you, Cyril. I shall erase him.
883 01:00:26 Good.
884 01:00:28 My lady, esteemed guests.
885 01:00:30 This is Inspector Watt.
886 01:00:31 Well, I don't know. Inspector Phillips?
887 01:00:35 - Hole.- Wan-Bissaka.
888 01:00:37 - Esposito.- Drew.
889 01:00:39 - Gadget?- Aragorn.
890 01:00:40 - Spector.- No, no.
891 01:00:42 His surname is Watt.
892 01:00:43 I don't know. Inspector Deck?
893 01:00:47 - Inspector Thoroughly.- Clouseau.
894 01:00:49 - Two-Bissaka.- Bush.
895 01:00:50 - Branagh.- Spectacles.
896 01:00:51 - Treebeard.- No, no, no, no.
897 01:00:53 His surname is Watt,
898 01:00:54 spelled W-A-T-T.
899 01:00:56 A-ha. I see. "Watt" is his name.
900 01:00:58 - Robert.- Robert what?
901 01:01:00 - Exactly.- Then what's his surname?
902 01:01:01 - Yes.- I'm so sorry,
903 01:01:03 but I still don't understand.
904 01:01:05 What don't you understand?
905 01:01:06 No, I understand perfectly.
906 01:01:09 Now...
907 01:01:10 After examining the evidence,
908 01:01:12 I believe Lord Davenport's murderer
909 01:01:15 to be somebody in this room.
910 01:01:20 What reason would anyone herehave for killing my husband?
911 01:01:22 Maybe they were fed up ofwaiting to inherit this mansion.
912 01:01:27 Or angry at being demoted.
913 01:01:31 Or humiliated
914 01:01:33 after their attempts to buythe hall were rebuffed.
915 01:01:36 Or maybe it's a failed police inspector
916 01:01:39 desperate for a case to solve.
917 01:01:41 I mean, where was Ion the night of the murder?
918 01:01:44 - Exactly.- Indeed.
919 01:01:46 Be warned. I shall bewatching you all very closely.
920 01:01:50 And if there's anythingout of the ordinary,
921 01:01:53 anything at all,
922 01:01:55 you can be damn sure I'll notice it.
923 01:02:35 Truly a beautiful service.
924 01:02:37 Oh, thank you. Although in hindsight,
925 01:02:40 I probably shouldhave attended the funeral.
926 01:02:46 Truly beautiful ceremony.
927 01:02:48 It was just as Humphrey wanted.
928 01:02:51 Never did like the idea of a burial.
929 01:02:53 Always thought the alternativewas somehow more dignified.
930 01:02:59 Indeed.
931 01:03:04 Excuse me.
932 01:03:11 You do it, and you do it now.
933 01:03:16 Emotions running high?
934 01:03:19 Not at all. Just a minor disagreement.
935 01:03:22 Before you jump to conclusions,
936 01:03:24 our discussion was not about Humphrey.
937 01:03:27 It was about Rose.
938 01:03:29 Mother is keen for us to marry.
939 01:03:31 I'd wager your mothercan't wait to move in here
940 01:03:34 and leave your crumbling family home.
941 01:03:36 Hm. Who told youour house was falling apart?
942 01:03:39 You just did.
943 01:03:41 Come on. If you want a real suspect,
944 01:03:44 try looking into that orphan boy, hm?
945 01:03:47 He viciously assaulted me last night.
946 01:03:48 Who's to say thathis violent tendencies ended there?
947 01:04:02 I'm so sorry.
948 01:04:04 I can't imagine what you're going through.
949 01:04:08 It's so hard.
950 01:04:11 Thanks. I've been working out.
951 01:04:15 Anyone could seejust how proud your father was of you.
952 01:04:26 May I have a word with you... inside?
953 01:04:32 Hm?
954 01:04:45 Rose, you are an angelsent in my hour of need.
955 01:04:49 The first flower of spring.
956 01:04:51 But more than that,you are the most beautiful
957 01:04:53 Davenport sister currently available.
958 01:04:56 - Archibald.- No, I promise to listen to you.
959 01:04:58 - But, I--- I will never,
960 01:04:59 ever interrupt you.
961 01:05:02 Please make me the happiest man alive.
962 01:05:04 Rose, will you marry me?
963 01:05:09 Mm-hm?
964 01:05:14 I...
965 01:05:20 I...
966 01:05:22 I...
967 01:05:28 Rose?
968 01:05:30 I need time to think about it.
969 01:05:33 Of course. I completely understand.
970 01:05:35 Take as much time as you need.
971 01:05:45 - Now?- Still undecided.
972 01:05:48 Okay. Well, you have till Friday.
973 01:05:53 Otherwise, I will proposeto one of the Bechdel sisters.
974 01:05:57 I don't care which one.
975 01:06:02 A man looked at us.
976 01:06:15 Dear Lord, I pray for your forgiveness.
977 01:06:19 The woman I love is being madeto marry a man she hates.
978 01:06:23 And I felt powerless to stop it.
979 01:06:26 So, I strayed from the righteous path.
980 01:06:38 That money, he didn't earn it.
981 01:06:41 So, Lord, please forgive me.
982 01:06:44 And I promise that after this,I will never, ever steal again.
983 01:06:50 Amen.
984 01:07:18 If you've been murderedby a candlestick, dial seven.
985 01:07:22 If you've been murdered by a rope...
986 01:07:34 What?
987 01:07:47 Rose, you don't have to marry Archibald.
988 01:07:50 What do you mean?
989 01:07:53 I've withdrawn my savings.Let's run away together.
990 01:07:56 - Let's start a new life.- In Blackpool.
991 01:07:59 Blackpool, Clacton, Skegness.The world is our oyster.
992 01:08:05 Skegness. That sounds rather nice.Where's that?
993 01:08:07 I don't know. But we can find out.
994 01:08:11 Together.
995 01:08:15 But we have to go now.
996 01:08:22 I can't believe we're doing this.
997 01:08:23 Well, it's happening.And no one can stop us.
998 01:08:35 What on God's flat earth is going on?
999 01:08:37 I received an anonymous tip-offfrom Mrs. McAllister
1000 01:08:42 that these two were absconding
1001 01:08:44 with money stolen from Lord Davenport.
1002 01:08:48 Look, Rose had nothing to do with it.
1003 01:08:50 I lied. I said the money was mine.
1004 01:08:52 I told you, Cyril, didn't I?
1005 01:08:54 - Oh, yes, yes, you did, yes.- I told you one of the staff
1006 01:08:56 would fall for our eldest daughter,
1007 01:08:58 find an envelope full ofHumphrey's money in a drawer,
1008 01:09:00 steal it, coax Rose outby throwing stones at her window,
1009 01:09:03 and attempt to drive away,only to be thwarted
1010 01:09:06 by a police investigatorwho has trouble holding things.
1011 01:09:09 So, you didn't get everything right.
1012 01:09:15 Oh.
1013 01:09:19 So, what else are you hiding, young man?
1014 01:09:23 Nothing. Nothing. I swear.
1015 01:09:33 No. None of this is mine.
1016 01:09:38 Your roommates told me you were home late
1017 01:09:41 on the night of Lord Davenport's murder.
1018 01:09:43 So, where were you, and who were you with?
1019 01:09:51 Well, if he won't tell you, I will.
1020 01:09:54 - That night we were--- Completely separate.
1021 01:09:56 No. No, we were in--
1022 01:09:58 Our nightwear, in our own roomsbecause it was bedtime.
1023 01:10:01 No.
1024 01:10:02 - We were together in the pub...- ...licly-held view
1025 01:10:05 that ladies and staff should never mix.
1026 01:10:08 Well, Eric Noone.
1027 01:10:11 In that case,I am arresting you for murder.
1028 01:10:15 And in that caseare my toothbrush and pajamas.
1029 01:10:24 Just tell them you were with me.
1030 01:10:26 I can't.
1031 01:10:28 Why?
1032 01:10:31 You're a lady. You've gotyour whole life ahead of you.
1033 01:10:34 If I damage your reputation,then that life is over.
1034 01:10:38 I'm a no one.No ones go to prison all the time.
1035 01:10:44 Eric.
1036 01:10:45 I know that one day,we will be together again.
1037 01:10:49 But in those intervening years,
1038 01:10:50 as I await that wonderful moment,
1039 01:10:53 I swear to you with all my heart,
1040 01:10:55 I will arrange for the gardenerto have an eye test.
1041 01:11:24 I don't get it.
1042 01:11:26 Eric never seemed like the murdering sort.
1043 01:11:29 He wouldn't have stoppeduntil he'd taken all our jobs.
1044 01:11:33 Aren't I right, Mom?
1045 01:11:36 I mean, Mrs. McAllister.
1046 01:11:40 Sometimes I accidentallycall people "Mom."
1047 01:11:43 Do it all the time. Don't I, Mrs. Mom?
1048 01:11:47 Mrs. McAllimom.
1049 01:11:51 Mrs. McAllimommy.
1050 01:11:55 McAllister.
1051 01:11:58 Mrs. McAllister.
1052 01:12:12 Poppy?
1053 01:12:18 Poppy, whatever's the matter?
1054 01:12:21 Lionel left.He said he doesn't love me anymore.
1055 01:12:23 He probably just said thatin the heat of the moment.
1056 01:12:25 He said, "This is nota heat-of-the-moment thing.
1057 01:12:28 I've been thinking about this for days."
1058 01:12:30 Well, just give him sometime to calm down.
1059 01:12:32 He said, "I don't need time to calm down.
1060 01:12:35 I'm actually really calm,and this is the calmest I've ever been."
1061 01:12:38 Well, it's his loss.
1062 01:12:40 Then he said,
1063 01:12:42 "I stole all of your jewelryand I sold it.
1064 01:12:44 So, it's very much a win for meand your loss."
1065 01:12:53 I fear that, as you both inexplicably
1066 01:12:56 refuse to wed a member of your own family,
1067 01:12:58 we shall all soon be homeless.
1068 01:13:04 Oh, ladies.
1069 01:13:07 I have lived through many difficult times.
1070 01:13:10 Those times have taught me a lot.
1071 01:13:12 So, I can honestly sayyou are a bunch of whiny cun...
1072 01:13:20 Sorry.
1073 01:13:28 Dearest Eric.
1074 01:13:31 My heart is broken.
1075 01:13:35 I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
1076 01:13:39 The image of you reading this letteralone in your prison cell
1077 01:13:42 is something I cannot bear.
1078 01:13:45 Every night when I fall asleep,
1079 01:13:47 I relive the momentyou saved me from ignominy,
1080 01:13:49 and I scream.
1081 01:13:53 Every morning, I awaken in tears
1082 01:13:55 and reach for a handkerchiefto give my eyes a dab.
1083 01:13:59 I hope that one day you can forgive mefor what I'm about to do.
1084 01:14:04 I shall accept Archibald's proposal.
1085 01:14:06 These will be the last wordsyou receive from me.
1086 01:14:10 All my love, Rose.
1087 01:14:17 XOXOXOX.
1088 01:14:52 Ah, Rose. How did you sleep?
1089 01:14:54 By lying on my bed and closing my eyes.
1090 01:14:56 Oh, right.
1091 01:14:57 - Archibald?- Yes.
1092 01:15:00 I have something to say.
1093 01:15:02 Two days ago, you asked me to marry you.
1094 01:15:06 And since that moment,I've thought of little else.
1095 01:15:08 This morning,I've come to a firm conclusion.
1096 01:15:13 My answer is...
1097 01:15:29 Yes.
1098 01:15:30 Hm.
1099 01:15:34 She said yes.
1100 01:15:37 Huzzah!
1101 01:15:53 I know that look.Your heart's been broken.
1102 01:15:56 I, too, have tasted true love and lost it.
1103 01:16:01 "You shouldn't be together," they said.
1104 01:16:04 "You're from two different worlds."
1105 01:16:06 So, we ran away. But we got caught.
1106 01:16:09 It's like we've lived the same lives.
1107 01:16:11 Here.
1108 01:16:17 This is Mildred. Isn't she beautiful?
1109 01:16:22 - Mm.- Do you have a photo of your love?
1110 01:16:26 Um...
1111 01:16:27 I nicked one before I left.
1112 01:16:32 I was meant to give thisto Lord Davenport.
1113 01:16:34 Well, open it.
1114 01:16:36 What are they gonna do?Lock you up?
1115 01:16:43 "Yours sincerely, Austin Blaine."
1116 01:16:47 What could it mean?
1117 01:16:49 Try the other side.
1118 01:16:52 Ah.
1119 01:16:55 "Dear Lord Davenport.
1120 01:16:58 Years ago, you tasked mewith investigating
1121 01:17:00 what happened to your nephew,Nathaniel, in the war.
1122 01:17:02 After months of backbreaking work
1123 01:17:04 and ingenious sleuthing on my part,
1124 01:17:07 I finally managed to unearthNathaniel's army records,
1125 01:17:10 and discoveredthat on returning from service,
1126 01:17:13 he was mistakenfor a war orphan and raised by nuns."
1127 01:17:20 "With no clue as to his real identity,
1128 01:17:23 the sisters renamed him.
1129 01:17:25 Nevertheless, I tracked him down.
1130 01:17:29 Nathaniel Davenport,
1131 01:17:30 eldest sonof your deceased brother, William,
1132 01:17:32 now goes by the name of Eric Noone.
1133 01:17:38 The very boy deliveringthis letter to you.
1134 01:17:45 Dope reveal, right?
1135 01:17:46 The dope revealwill cost you an extra farthing.
1136 01:17:50 Yours sincerely, Austin Blaine."
1137 01:17:55 Blimey. I can't believe it.
1138 01:17:57 I'm only sharing a cellwith the aristocracy.
1139 01:18:01 What difference does it make now?
1140 01:18:04 I'm stuck here in this prison,
1141 01:18:06 and the love of my lifeis about to marry Archibald.
1142 01:18:09 Yeah. Your brother.
1143 01:18:11 - What?- Your brother.
1144 01:18:13 If you're Lord Davenport'slong-lost nephew,
1145 01:18:17 that makes you Archibald's older brother.
1146 01:18:21 Which means...?
1147 01:18:22 I'm the rightful heir to Fackham Hall.
1148 01:18:24 You had sex with your cousin.
1149 01:18:27 Guard. I'm the rightful heirto Fackham Hall.
1150 01:18:30 Really? That's amazing.Then I'll let you out immediately.
1151 01:18:35 - You will?- Of course I fucking won't.
1152 01:18:53 I can't let Rose ruin her life
1153 01:18:55 by marrying that horrible bastard.
1154 01:18:58 I've got to get out of here.
1155 01:18:59 Well, you could always tunnel out.
1156 01:19:01 If only you had something to dig with.
1157 01:19:10 Oi...
1158 01:19:42 Yes.
1159 01:20:18 I hope Rose isn't goingto disappoint us like Poppy did.
1160 01:20:21 - She won't.- Well, you say that.
1161 01:20:23 But my William married meand then he died.
1162 01:20:27 Just as Humphrey married you and died.
1163 01:20:31 And one day, Rose will die.
1164 01:20:34 We're just particles headingtowards a cold, dark entropy.
1165 01:20:40 But it's a lovely day for it.
1166 01:20:46 Fellas. I've brought a cake to celebrate
1167 01:20:48 30 years without any escapes.
1168 01:20:59 All right?
1169 01:21:24 Oi.
1170 01:21:31 Nice try, son.
1171 01:21:34 Let's get you back to your cell, eh?
1172 01:21:45 - In here, pass them through.- Here, 'gis it.
1173 01:22:00 Hang on.
1174 01:22:02 I know you. You're that lad from the pub
1175 01:22:04 with the bird who's definitely a Cockney.
1176 01:22:07 What are you doing in here?
1177 01:22:09 They think I murderedLord Davenport that night.
1178 01:22:11 No, impossible. You was with me.
1179 01:22:14 Go on. Quick.
1180 01:22:30 He went that way.
1181 01:22:50 ♪ War and death and poverty ♪
1182 01:22:54 ♪ Measles, violent brawls ♪
1183 01:22:59 ♪ Cancer and dictatorships ♪
1184 01:23:03 ♪ The Lord God made them all ♪
1185 01:23:10 You may be seated.
1186 01:23:16 God is with you all, and Jesus is gay.
1187 01:23:20 God is with you all, and Jesus is.
1188 01:23:23 Gay as we are on this joyous day,
1189 01:23:25 we must take a moment to offer thanks.
1190 01:23:27 Clergymen such as myselfare given a power.
1191 01:23:30 And that power is to prey on children.
1192 01:23:34 And that power is to pray.
1193 01:23:36 On children, God bestows a future.
1194 01:23:39 On man, God bestows wisdom,
1195 01:23:41 for God is strong and mighty,and made us all hard.
1196 01:23:46 And made us all.
1197 01:23:48 Hard as life may be,he is there to show the way.
1198 01:23:59 Somebody stop that fugitive.
1199 01:24:02 I'm innocent. And now I know the truth.
1200 01:24:04 The truth? But how?
1201 01:24:07 I'm going to the church.I'm gonna tell them everything.
1202 01:24:11 Stop. Stop.
1203 01:24:13 What's up, darling?
1204 01:24:19 Helmet.
1205 01:24:37 Get back here.
1206 01:24:49 Hey!
1207 01:24:53 Move.
1208 01:24:59 Trampolines.Get your trampolines.
1209 01:25:04 Crash mats. Get your crash mats.
1210 01:25:06 Didn't thinkhe was gonna make that.
1211 01:25:12 Crushed my clementines.
1212 01:25:22 Does anyone have a reasonwhy Archibald and Rose should...
1213 01:25:33 Move.
1214 01:25:39 In sickness and in health.
1215 01:25:41 Until death do us part.
1216 01:25:44 Now, Rose, repeat after me.
1217 01:25:47 - I, Rose Davenport.- I, Rose Davenport.
1218 01:25:51 I, Rose Davenport.
1219 01:25:55 Hello.
1220 01:25:57 Why are you doing this?
1221 01:25:58 I can't have you tellingeveryone I killed Humphrey.
1222 01:26:03 What? What?
1223 01:26:07 Humphrey and I kept our secret this long,
1224 01:26:09 and I'll be damned if I'm gonna let you
1225 01:26:12 tell all of them about our affair.
1226 01:26:15 Or what I did to him.
1227 01:26:16 - What you did to him?- It was an accident.
1228 01:26:19 Just another one of our wee tiffs.
1229 01:26:22 That boy Ericis ruining all of our lives.
1230 01:26:25 First, he injures Richardand steals his duties.
1231 01:26:28 And then you give him Alexander's job.
1232 01:26:31 It's not fair on the boys, Humph.
1233 01:26:34 They are our sons!
1234 01:26:35 Keep your damn voice down.
1235 01:26:38 That's allyou want from me, isn't it?
1236 01:26:39 To keep quiet and carry on.
1237 01:26:41 Get rid of him.
1238 01:26:43 Or I'll tell everyone about our affair.
1239 01:26:48 Edna.
1240 01:26:49 My darling.
1241 01:26:51 Come now.
1242 01:26:53 No.
1243 01:26:54 Be sensible.
1244 01:26:57 No.
1245 01:26:58 Humphrey?
1246 01:27:03 Oh, my God.
1247 01:27:06 Don't... Don't touch it.
1248 01:27:08 - I'll call for help.- What? No time.
1249 01:27:12 Shoot it out.
1250 01:27:13 Yes, yes.
1251 01:27:22 - It didn't work.- It's okay.
1252 01:27:24 We just need to get the bullets out.Grab that acid.
1253 01:27:28 We can dissolve them.
1254 01:27:31 Wait, wait.
1255 01:27:33 I just need to steady my nerve.
1256 01:27:37 Ah!
1257 01:27:39 Okay. Do it.
1258 01:27:44 - It's burning.- You're still bleeding.
1259 01:27:47 Quick. You've got to stop the bloodleaving my brain.
1260 01:27:51 Use your belt as a tourniquet on my neck.
1261 01:27:59 It's not working.
1262 01:28:28 That's when I decided to frame you.
1263 01:28:31 Nobody cares if a wee orphan boyends up in jail.
1264 01:28:37 Or dead.
1265 01:28:39 Watt?
1266 01:28:40 I'm not gonna say all again.
1267 01:28:43 No.
1268 01:28:45 Inspector Watt.
1269 01:28:47 Did you hear that?
1270 01:28:50 I certainly did.
1271 01:28:53 Madam, you are under arrest.For manslaughter.
1272 01:28:59 Ah.
1273 01:29:02 In sickness and in health.
1274 01:29:05 Until death do us part.
1275 01:29:06 Until death do us part.
1276 01:29:09 Stop the wedding.
1277 01:29:11 What the fuck is going on? Eric?
1278 01:29:16 You don't have to marry Archibald.
1279 01:29:18 Get this murderous scum out of here.
1280 01:29:21 He's not the murderer.
1281 01:29:24 It was Mrs. McAllister.
1282 01:29:28 And Archibald is not the rightful heirto Fackham Hall.
1283 01:29:30 What?
1284 01:29:32 I have a letter herethat explains everything.
1285 01:29:36 Mom.
1286 01:29:39 It's me. Nathaniel.
1287 01:29:45 My son. You're alive.
1288 01:29:49 So, does that mean...?
1289 01:29:51 That we can be together.
1290 01:29:54 And you and your familycan live in Fackham Hall
1291 01:29:56 for the rest of your lives.
1292 01:29:59 Well, I've always rather likedbeing the only
1293 01:30:03 - child.- No.
1294 01:30:10 You truly are a terrible shot.
1295 01:30:12 - Well, I...- You're nicked.
1296 01:30:14 - What?- It's Inspector Watt to you.
1297 01:30:18 - Get your dirty hands off me.- Would it be possible
1298 01:30:20 to pick up where we left off?Except with this gentleman?
1299 01:30:23 Yes. Yes, well, where were we?
1300 01:30:25 - Let go of me, I say.- Rose Davenport,
1301 01:30:27 do you take Eric Noone,aka Nathaniel Davenport,
1302 01:30:31 - to be your husband?- I do.
1303 01:30:35 And do you, Eric Noone,
1304 01:30:37 aka Nathaniel Davenport,take Rose Davenport
1305 01:30:40 - to be your wife?- I do.
1306 01:30:42 Well, then, I pronounce you man and wife.
1307 01:30:45 You may kiss the choirboys.
1308 01:30:51 You may kiss.The choirboys will now sing Ave Maria.
1309 01:30:57 Fackham Hall is saved.
1310 01:31:00 Bravo.
1311 01:31:11 I don't think we've met.J.R.R. Tolkien, the writer.
1312 01:31:15 Oh. Bill. Bill Bobaggins.
1313 01:31:18 What a wonderful name.
1314 01:31:21 Bilbo Baggins.
1315 01:31:24 And this is the donkey I'm fucking.
1316 01:31:29 Well, I've written it down now.
1317 01:31:38 Love. It can transcend boundaries.
1318 01:31:42 There is nothing more powerful.
1319 01:31:45 Other than, in this case, birthright.
1320 01:31:50 You may wonder how I was privy
1321 01:31:52 to so much of whattook place in Fackham Hall...
1322 01:31:54 - Move a little to your right.- ...that fateful week.
1323 01:31:56 - Excellent.- That, dear friends,
1324 01:31:57 - is because I was there.- Three, two, one...
1325 01:32:00 - Fackham Hall.- And who am I? I'm no one.
1326 01:32:04 - Rose Davenport Noone.- Three, two, one.
1327 01:32:06 Fackham Hall.
1328 01:32:09 And this...
1329 01:32:11 ...is my story.