Wedding Crashers (2005)(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:14 - and what I've done wrong!- They at your sister's? Where...
2 00:00:15 they're probably at a firehousesomewhere. She'd just drop 'em off
3 00:00:17 - with a fireman, you know?- Do not talk about that!
4 00:00:19 I am sick of you accusing meof not being a good mother!
5 00:00:20 - Are they at home? Are they at home?- Seven years I've been a good mother!
6 00:00:22 A perfect mother?I can't have custody.
7 00:00:24 Just remember when we went out.Just remember how you...
8 00:00:27 Right now. Where is Timright fucking now?
9 00:00:29 Don't you talk about mebeing a mother. I hate you!
10 00:00:31 Hey, I got an idea.Why don't you just kiss my left nut?
11 00:00:34 - I told you this was a bad idea.- You know what, Ken?
12 00:00:36 A bad idea would be to let your clientwalk outta here today and drag
13 00:00:39 this thing out for another year, wastingmore time and wasting more money.
14 00:00:43 The only good idea is to letme and John do our job
15 00:00:46 - and mediate this thing right here.- You wanna hear the crazy thing?
16 00:00:49 I know it doesn't feel like it,but we're making progress.
17 00:00:52 - Mm-hmm.- We settled the deal with the cars.
18 00:00:54 Let's see, that takes usto frequent flyer miles. We're flying!
19 00:00:56 - Those are mine.- I want them.
20 00:00:58 You know what we're gonna do? We'regonna split 'em right down the middle.
21 00:01:00 - How'd that be, Mr. Kroeger?- It would be no-not good at all!
22 00:01:04 - I earned those miles!- Yeah, you earned them flying
23 00:01:06 - to Denver to meet your whore.- Oh, Lord.
24 00:01:08 Well, she's not afraidto express herself sexually
25 00:01:10 - if that's what you mean.- She's a stripper, for God's sake!
26 00:01:13 - She is not!- Her name is Chastity!
27 00:01:15 She is white trash!Same as you.
28 00:01:18 Hillbilly!
29 00:01:20 That's it,go comatose for me, baby.
30 00:01:23 You shut your mouth whenyou're talkin' to me!
31 00:01:26 Hold it. This is getting confusing.
32 00:01:28 You didn't always hate each other.
33 00:01:30 There had to be some nice moments,during the courtship, maybe?
34 00:01:33 - Or the wedding?- The wedding had to be fun!
35 00:01:35 - You have your families together.- You have your decorations.
36 00:01:38 Families coming together.That's a nice moment.
37 00:01:40 - What'd you have to eat?- Crab cakes.
38 00:01:42 Are you kidding me? Crab c...how could you not have a good time
39 00:01:44 - eating crab cakes? I love 'em.- Crab cakes, I love crab cakes.
40 00:01:46 - They're phenomenal.- And did you have a band?
41 00:01:48 - Did you have a band? Good or bad?- Yeah.
42 00:01:50 Who gives a shit? It's a great band,it's a bad band, it's like pizza, baby.
43 00:01:52 - It's good no matter what.- That's true. You got them...
44 00:01:54 - There's music in the air!...playing "Shout" and you hate it.
45 00:01:56 - Yeah. ** Oh-oh-oh-oh-hey **- ** A little bit softer now **
46 00:01:59 - ** Oh-oh-oh-oh, hey **- ** Shout now, jump up and shout now. **
47 00:02:01 It's a good time,do you know what I mean?
48 00:02:03 - Yeah.- Rubbin' up against each other,
49 00:02:04 just a couple of kids who like to fuck,trying to make it honest. I get it.
50 00:02:07 Guys, the real enemy here isthe institution of marriage.
51 00:02:11 It's not realistic, it's crazy!Hey, don't do this
52 00:02:15 for the other person.It's about saying yes to yourself
53 00:02:17 - and saying yes to your future.- Say yes.
54 00:02:18 And have some opportunities foryourself. I'm sure you'd love
55 00:02:21 to be free, maybe go out and meetsome Latin guy that can dance,
56 00:02:24 grind up on you, make youfeel dangerous but also safe.
57 00:02:27 And how about you? Don't you wantto get inside Chastity
58 00:02:29 without having to wonderif everyone's gonna find out?
59 00:02:32 - God, wouldn't that be sweet?- Wouldn't that be nice?
60 00:02:34 And have some Latin guysweating all over you,
61 00:02:36 talking to you in languagesyou don't understand,
62 00:02:38 - needing you, wanting you, taking you?- All we're trying to say is,
63 00:02:42 put your swords awayfor a second.
64 00:02:45 Let's finish thisand let's move on.
65 00:02:47 Get out there and getsome strange ass.
66 00:02:50 Could you give her a glassof water so she can take that?
67 00:02:58 Hey, John, that's weird.That glass looks half full to me.
68 00:03:01 Wow, now that you mention it,it is half full.
69 00:03:07 He can have the miles.
70 00:03:10 Nah, sweetie,you take the miles.
71 00:03:14 Great. Great! Let's signthe paperwork and we are done!
72 00:03:17 This is just semantics. If you guyswant to throw a couple miles at us,
73 00:03:20 we'll take a couple. The big this is,is that we're all movin' on.
74 00:03:23 Could you two just not talk anymore?
75 00:03:39 Oh, good, you got it.Is it 100%/% goose down?
76 00:03:41 - Yes. Why do you need this?- Are you sure?
77 00:03:43 I sleep over at John's houseevery year for his birthday.
78 00:03:46 Okay, that's not creepy.
79 00:03:48 I guess it is a little creepy
80 00:03:50 when a young man who happensto be an only child
81 00:03:53 loses both of his parentsin a tragic accident
82 00:03:56 one month before his birthday
83 00:03:58 and then hasa best friend make a vow
84 00:04:00 that he will never spendhis birthday alone again.
85 00:04:03 Maybe that would fall underthe category of creepy.
86 00:04:06 Oh my God.I'm so sorry.
87 00:04:08 - That's okay.- No, you're really sweet.
88 00:04:11 I've got the perfect girl for you.
89 00:04:13 Janice, I apologize to youif I don't seem real eager
90 00:04:16 to jump into a forced,awkward intimate situation
91 00:04:19 that people like to call dating.I don't like the feeling.
92 00:04:22 You're sitting there, you're wondering,"Do I have food on my face?
93 00:04:24 Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Arethey talking enough? Am I interested?
94 00:04:27 I'm not really interested.Should I play like I'm interested?
95 00:04:29 But I'm not that interested,but I think she might be interested.
96 00:04:31 But do I want to be interested?But now she's not interested."
97 00:04:32 So now, all of sudden I'm...I'm starting to get interested.
98 00:04:35 And when am I supposed to kiss her?Do I have to wait for the door?
99 00:04:37 'Cause then it's awkward,it's like "Well, good night."
100 00:04:39 Do you do like the ass-out hug? Whereyou like... you hug each other like this,
101 00:04:42 and the ass sticks out becauseyou're trying not to get too close.
102 00:04:44 Or do you go right in and just kiss 'emon the lips or don't kiss 'em at all?
103 00:04:47 It's very difficult trying to readthe situation and all the while
104 00:04:49 you're just really wondering, "Are wegonna get hopped enough to make
105 00:04:52 some bad decisions?" And perhaps playa little game called "Just the Tip."
106 00:04:55 Just for a second,just to see how it feels,
107 00:04:57 - or "Ouch Ouch, You're on My Hair."- Okay.
108 00:05:01 Okay, can... can you... can youput that so he... he can't see it?
109 00:05:04 And thank you.Hey, Janice. Great talk.
110 00:05:09 John?
111 00:05:11 I gotta see you right away,it's important.
112 00:05:15 What's going on?
113 00:05:19 We've got three reallybig weeks ahead of us.
114 00:05:21 It's wedding season, kid!
115 00:05:23 You sandbaggingson of a bitch!
116 00:05:25 I got us downfor 17 of them already.
117 00:05:27 Okay, now, how manyof 'em are cash bars?
118 00:05:28 Great question, love where your head'sat, and two of 'em actually are.
119 00:05:31 But... I got us covered.
120 00:05:35 Purple hearts. We won't haveto pay for a drink all night.
121 00:05:38 Oh yeah, perfect.
122 00:05:40 We are gonna have tons and tonsof opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies
123 00:05:43 that are so arousedby the thought of marriage,
124 00:05:45 that they'll throw theirinhibitions to the wind.
125 00:05:46 And who's gonna be thereto catch 'em?
126 00:05:48 Grab that net and catch thatbeautiful butterfly, pal!
127 00:05:50 What do you like better?Christmas or wedding season?
128 00:05:52 - Mr. Grey.- Yes, um, the answer would be, um...
129 00:05:55 - wedding season?- Bingo.
130 00:05:58 I'm gonna go get my suit.Oh, now who are we this time?
131 00:06:07 Hey, Lou Epstein, I want you to meeta real mensch, Chuck Schwartz.
132 00:06:10 Oh, stop.
133 00:06:19 And as we carry on the traditionof thousands of years,
134 00:06:22 we honor the eternal bond
135 00:06:25 that stretchesthrough the ages.
136 00:06:29 I have known this couplefor many years.
137 00:06:31 Deborah I've actually knownfor her entire life.
138 00:06:34 I was at her house when her parentsbrought her home from the hospital,
139 00:06:39 and I was there the day she graduatedfrom medical school.
140 00:06:42 Josh I have knownsince his bar mitzvah,
141 00:06:45 which those of youwho were there
142 00:06:48 know it was nota very pretty sight.
143 00:06:52 But he has pulled himselftogether nicely,
144 00:06:54 and he's grown into a remarkableyoung man himself.
145 00:06:59 - Okay.- He never got the courage
146 00:07:01 to ask her out, until 10 years later.Josh was in the emergency room,
147 00:07:07 and he saw Debra again
148 00:07:09 - and he said to himself...- Hi.
149 00:07:11 "Wait! That's the girlI'm going to marry!"
150 00:07:15 I now pronounce youman and wife.
151 00:07:19 Mazel tov!
152 00:07:21 Mazel tov, baby! From my familyto yours, mazel tov. Beautiful.
153 00:07:32 ** Hava nagila **
154 00:07:34 ** Hava nagila **
155 00:07:36 ** Hava nagila,ba ba ba! **
156 00:07:41 Oh my.
157 00:07:43 You sly son of a bitch.
158 00:07:45 ** Nagila, hava nagilave'nismecha **
159 00:07:49 ** Hava nagila, hava... **
160 00:07:52 Does anyone know whatthis here is used for?
161 00:07:54 - Rolling a fatty.- No, not...
162 00:07:57 not for...where'd you learn that?
163 00:07:58 You want to geta whole combination.
164 00:08:00 You gotta get the frostingsin the middle and on the other end.
165 00:08:02 - ** Ba-ba ba ba **- That's it, that's it, that's it,
166 00:08:06 that's it! Come on!
167 00:08:07 You both look beautifulup there today,
168 00:08:10 particularly Debbie in that whitedress. Enjoy it. After tomorrow,
169 00:08:13 I don't think you're gonna be able to getaway with wearing a white dress.
170 00:08:18 Here, I'll just pick this off,
171 00:08:20 I'll go grabanother piece. That's it.
172 00:08:24 - Ooh!- Whoa.
173 00:08:27 In the words of the old country...
174 00:08:28 - L'chaim!- L'chaim!
175 00:08:41 Come here!
176 00:08:43 I want you to take this note,bring it to that blonde girl.
177 00:08:45 Hurry, 'cause I'mgonna time you. Go!
178 00:08:49 Hi.
179 00:08:52 Who gave this to you?
180 00:08:57 You know, I saw youat the wedding.
181 00:08:59 - And?- You were crying.
182 00:09:01 Oh, shit. You weren'tsupposed to see that.
183 00:09:03 Now you probably thinkI'm a big pussy.
184 00:09:05 No, you were so sweet.Come here.
185 00:09:09 Look, I knew I was never gonna bea professional bullfighter,
186 00:09:12 - but that's not why I did it.- Weren't you scared?
187 00:09:15 Can I say yes?
188 00:09:28 - Sanjay Collins.- Chuck Vindaloo,
189 00:09:30 excited to be here.
190 00:09:32 - Shamus O'Toole.- Bobby O'Shea.
191 00:09:34 - And we're gonna get drunk.- Ha-ha!
192 00:09:36 ** Keep it comin', love,keep it comin', love... **
193 00:09:40 - Who is that?- Uh, him.
194 00:09:42 Uh, I think that's his kid Leonard.The diabetic.
195 00:09:45 - Who is that?- That's Luigi and Gina's
196 00:09:48 son Christopher.You know, the banker.
197 00:09:50 Oh, that's Mae Lin's adopted son Benny,the veterinarian.
198 00:09:55 The French Foreign Legion?
199 00:09:57 Yeah. We lost a lotof good men out there.
200 00:10:01 Wow, really? Mount Everest?
201 00:10:03 I just don't like to talk about it
202 00:10:05 because we lostso many good men out there.
203 00:10:07 Oh!
204 00:10:09 Lost so manygood men out there.
205 00:10:12 Playing with the Yankees?
206 00:10:15 Yes, with the Yankees.
207 00:10:17 You lose good mento trades and unruly fans.
208 00:10:20 L... look, I don't wantto talk about it, I'm sorry.
209 00:10:26 Tattoo on the lower back.Might as well be a bull's-eye.
210 00:10:29 You know how they saywe only use 10%/% of our brains?
211 00:10:33 - Mmm.- I think we only use 10%/% of our hearts.
212 00:10:38 I feel so tiny in your arms.
213 00:10:41 Really?How tall are you?
214 00:10:43 I'm 6'5", but...
215 00:10:46 I feel like I'm four feet.
216 00:10:48 And some poetry,
217 00:10:50 courtesy of Sarah McLachlan.
218 00:10:53 ** You've beenso good to me **
219 00:10:55 ** You know youmake me wanna shout **
220 00:10:58 ** Kick myheels up and shout **
221 00:11:00 ** Throw my headback and shout! **
222 00:11:02 - ** Kick my heels up and shout! **- Yeah!
223 00:11:04 - ** Come on now, take it easy **- ** Shout! Shout! **
224 00:11:07 - ** Take it easy! Shout! **- ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
225 00:11:10 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
226 00:11:12 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
227 00:11:13 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
228 00:11:15 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
229 00:11:17 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
230 00:11:19 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
231 00:11:21 - ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **- ** All right **
232 00:11:23 - ** Shout! Shout! **- ** All right **
233 00:11:25 - ** Shout! Shout! Shout! **- ** All right! All right! **
234 00:11:29 - The bride!- ** Now, wait a minute... **
235 00:11:31 All right let's go,let's go, let's make a memory!
236 00:11:34 What are you gonna do for an encore?Walk on water?
237 00:11:37 Great guy.He brung me along, too.
238 00:11:43 Jesus. Come on! Get in there.You can do it!
239 00:11:46 You want that cake!You don't treat cake like that.
240 00:11:49 - You gotta treat cake like a lady.- Give her a kiss. Look at that.
241 00:11:52 Oh my God,in front of all of 'em!
242 00:11:55 Ba ba ba.Ah-ha-ha! Oh-ho!
243 00:12:00 And then everyonesaid, "Jabroni!"
244 00:12:05 Jabroni!This fucking guy, unbelievable!
245 00:12:08 Hop in.
246 00:12:11 Now spread it aroundon each other.
247 00:12:13 We need a picture of thisThey're crazy!
248 00:12:15 Bacio! Bacio!
249 00:12:20 Time to party!Time to party!
250 00:12:22 Come on, we need a picture.Get a picture.
251 00:12:25 ** You've been so good to me **
252 00:12:27 ** You know you make mewant to shout! **
253 00:12:29 ** Lift my heels upand shout! **
254 00:12:31 ** Throw my headback and shout! **
255 00:12:33 ** Kick my heels up and shout!Come on now! **
256 00:12:36 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
257 00:12:38 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
258 00:12:40 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
259 00:12:42 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
260 00:12:43 - ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **- Ooh.
261 00:12:46 - Hot.- ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
262 00:12:49 ** Hey-ay-ay-ay! **
263 00:12:50 ** Shout now!Jump up and shout now! **
264 00:12:53 ** Jump upand shout now! **
265 00:12:55 ** Jump up and shout now **
266 00:12:56 ** Jump upand shout now **
267 00:12:58 ** Jump up and shout now **
268 00:12:59 ** Everybody shout now,everybody shout now **
269 00:13:03 ** Everybody shout shout shoutshout shout shout shout **
270 00:13:07 ** Shout shout shoutshout shout shout **
271 00:13:09 ** Shout shout shout shoutshout shout shout shout **
272 00:13:11 ** Shout shout shout,oh, shout **
273 00:13:13 ** Whoa! Shout! **
274 00:13:15 ** Oh! Shout shoutshout shout! **
275 00:13:16 ** Shout shout shout shout **
276 00:13:19 ** Shout shout shout shoutshout shout shout shout **
277 00:13:22 ** Shout shout shoutshout shout shout shout **
278 00:13:25 ** Oh! Shout!Come on, come on and shout! **
279 00:13:29 ** Shout shout shout shoutshout shout shout shout **
280 00:13:55 Oh, no no.
281 00:13:57 Oh, I'm sorry.
282 00:13:59 Sarah, I feel likeI don't even know you.
283 00:14:01 It's Vivian.
284 00:14:08 Would you say you're completelyfull of shit or just 50%/%?
285 00:14:12 I hope just 50,but who knows?
286 00:14:29 Ah.
287 00:14:33 Bet that blonde wasa real shot of life.
288 00:14:35 Yeah, real shot.
289 00:14:40 You don't think we're being...
290 00:14:42 I don't want to say sleazy,'cause that's not the right word,
291 00:14:45 but a little irresponsible, maybe?
292 00:14:47 No!
293 00:14:49 One day, you'll look backon all this and laugh,
294 00:14:51 say we wereyoung and stupid.
295 00:14:54 Yeah.
296 00:14:56 A couple of dumb kidsrunning around.
297 00:15:00 We're not that young.
298 00:15:15 Hell of a season, pal.
299 00:15:17 Hell of a season.
300 00:15:27 Oh! Baba ganoush.
301 00:15:29 What do we got?
302 00:15:31 Christmas come early.
303 00:15:35 - Secretary Cleary?- The Secretary of the Treasury.
304 00:15:38 The guy you loved since business school.Don't thank me.
305 00:15:41 I don't know.I mean, I thought the season was over.
306 00:15:43 I was looking forward to kindataking a break for a little bit.
307 00:15:45 John, what are youtalking about?
308 00:15:46 This is the Kentucky Derbyof weddings.
309 00:15:48 It's the Clearys.They're an American institution.
310 00:15:51 Pal, there's gonna beover 200 single women at this wedding.
311 00:15:54 Not to mention, if you look here,they've got three live bands,
312 00:15:57 they got oysters, snacks,phenomenal finger food.
313 00:15:59 I'm tired, okay? My feet hurt.My voice is hoarse.
314 00:16:03 Oh, please don't takea turn to negative town.
315 00:16:05 What are you talking about?Who's getting negative?
316 00:16:07 Well, at the Buckner nuptials you weresitting and sulking in the corner.
317 00:16:10 I wasn't sulking.I twisted my ankle.
318 00:16:12 Rule #6:
319 00:16:14 Do not sit inthe corner and sulk;
320 00:16:16 it draws attention to youin a negative way.
321 00:16:18 Draw attention to yourself,but on your own terms.
322 00:16:20 Please don't quotethe rules to me, I know them.
323 00:16:22 When Chaz Reinhold passed the sacredrules of wedding crashing onto us
324 00:16:26 12 years ago,he gave us a legacy.
325 00:16:29 You make it soundlike a cult, okay?
326 00:16:31 And from everything you've told meabout Chaz, he sounds like a kook!
327 00:16:33 You bite your tongue.Chaz Reinhold is not a kook!
328 00:16:37 He is a brave and a decent man.He is a pioneer!
329 00:16:39 He lived with his mother till hewas 40! She tried to poison his oatmeal!
330 00:16:42 Erroneous! Erroneous.
331 00:16:44 Erroneous on both counts!
332 00:16:46 - Oh, Lord. Here we go again.- What you should be worried about
333 00:16:49 is not Chaz Reinhold,who is in the hall of fame.
334 00:16:52 What you should be worried aboutis you're getting sloppy.
335 00:16:55 Now, if you sit thereand expect me to go out on a limb
336 00:16:58 and try to pull offthe greatest crash of all time,
337 00:17:01 I gotta know thatyour head's right.
338 00:17:04 There is no roomfor error.
339 00:17:08 Secret Service.Consequences.
340 00:17:10 I love your enthusiasm.
341 00:17:13 If I do this,I don't wanna half-ass it.
342 00:17:15 I want it well planned.
343 00:17:17 He's back!
344 00:17:20 All right, partner.We'll start scheming tonight, okay?
345 00:17:23 - Sounds good.- If you need me, I'll be on line six.
346 00:17:25 Okay.
347 00:17:30 Could be fun.
348 00:17:43 - Wow.- Mr. Senator.
349 00:17:45 - Congratulations, Kathleen.- Thank you.
350 00:17:47 - Bill, congratulations.- Thank you, Senator.
351 00:17:49 Secretary, they justgrow up so damn fast.
352 00:17:51 That's the truth.
353 00:17:52 - Okay. Let's do our pregame.- What do you got?
354 00:17:56 A few articles on Secretary Cleary'seconomic policies.
355 00:18:01 There's also a roster of key familymembers, a glossary, sailing terms.
356 00:18:04 - Sailing?- Sailing's like sex to these people.
357 00:18:06 - They love it.- Harvard, Kennedy School of Government,
358 00:18:09 Mom's big with charities,blah blah blah.
359 00:18:11 Three daughters, one son.I get it. Good work.
360 00:18:14 Good.
361 00:18:31 Let me see that again, please.
362 00:18:33 Handsome.
363 00:18:35 Okay, what's our back story?
364 00:18:37 We're brothers from New Hampshire,we're venture capitalists.
365 00:18:41 I'm sick of that!
366 00:18:43 Let's be from Vermont
367 00:18:44 and let's have an emergingmaple syrup conglomerate.
368 00:18:47 Wait, that's stupid. We don't knowanything about maple syrup.
369 00:18:49 I happen to know everything there isto know about maple syrup.
370 00:18:52 I love maple syrup.I love maple syrup on pancakes.
371 00:18:54 I love it on pizza. I like to take maple syrupand put a little bit in my hair
372 00:18:57 when I've had a rough week.What do you think holds it up, slick?
373 00:18:59 It's the first quarter of the big gameand you want to toss up a Hail Mary!
374 00:19:02 I'd like to be pimps from Oaklandor cowboys from Arizona,
375 00:19:04 but it's not Halloween!Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula!
376 00:19:08 Look, we beento a million weddings.
377 00:19:10 And guess what?We've rocked 'em all!
378 00:19:19 Great day.
379 00:19:21 - The Eagle has landed.- The big show.
380 00:19:23 Hey, hey. Fifth row backwith the fancy hat.
381 00:19:27 I like that.
382 00:19:29 No, don't waste your time on girlswith hats, they tend to be very proper.
383 00:19:33 Yeah?
384 00:19:35 The proper girl in the hatjust eye-fucked the shit outta me.
385 00:19:40 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
386 00:19:42 Why don't you say it a little louder?I don't think the priest heard you.
387 00:19:46 Look, John, I'm sorryI'm not sorry, okay?
388 00:19:49 I'm not gonna apologize.I'm a cocksman.
389 00:19:53 - Tourette's.- Frank Myers.
390 00:19:56 John Ryan.Say hello to my brother Jeremy.
391 00:19:58 Hi, how are you?So, um, how do you know the groom?
392 00:20:02 - We are Uncle Ned's kids.- Mm-hmm.
393 00:20:04 Uncle Ned.
394 00:20:06 - Is he Liz's brother?- Uncle Ned, the brother of Aunt Liz.
395 00:20:10 How is everybody?
396 00:20:12 Well, Dad kinda puttersaround the house.
397 00:20:14 Hey, Aunt Liz sends her best.She couldn't make it.
398 00:20:17 Uh, yeah, I know.Uh, ah...
399 00:20:20 she's dead.
400 00:20:23 From the grave.
401 00:20:24 She sends her best from the grave.
402 00:20:26 We've become extremely spiritual
403 00:20:28 - ever since she passed.- I see.
404 00:20:31 But thank you so muchfor your kindness, brother.
405 00:20:33 Lord knows we need family nowmore than ever.
406 00:20:36 - You're welcome.- Thank you.
407 00:20:41 How many times are yougonna do this shit?
408 00:20:43 Rule #32:You don't commit to a relative
409 00:20:46 unless you're absolutely positivethat they have a pulse.
410 00:20:49 Rule 16: Give mean up-to-date family tree.
411 00:20:51 That was your mistake.You made me look like an idiot.
412 00:20:53 Rule #76: No excuses,play like a champion.
413 00:21:07 Hello, Red.
414 00:21:11 - Dibs.- She's all yours.
415 00:21:16 I ain't gonna fight you.
416 00:21:42 I think we've got a crier.
417 00:21:44 - No shot.- $20.
418 00:21:47 - Make it 40.- Done.
419 00:21:52 Oh, are you kidding me?
420 00:21:54 It's beautiful.It's moving. It's a wedding.
421 00:21:56 And now for our next reading,
422 00:21:58 I'd like to askthe bride's sister Gloria
423 00:22:03 up to the lectern.
424 00:22:05 $20, 1 Corinthians.
425 00:22:07 Double or nothing,Colossians 3:12.
426 00:22:12 And now a reading fromPaul's First Letter to the Corinthians.
427 00:22:15 "Love is patient, love is kind."
428 00:22:19 As you all know,Craig and Christina
429 00:22:23 are quitethe sailing enthusiasts.
430 00:22:25 In that light,
431 00:22:27 they have electedto exchange vows
432 00:22:30 which they themselveshave written.
433 00:22:33 The ring.
434 00:22:36 I, Craig,
435 00:22:38 take you, Christina,to be my wife,
436 00:22:41 my best friendand my first mate...
437 00:22:46 through sickness and health,clear skies and squalls.
438 00:22:53 I'm sorry,I have a tickle in my throat.
439 00:22:56 I, Christina,take you, Craig,
440 00:22:59 to be my best friend,
441 00:23:01 and my captain...
442 00:23:05 to be your anchorand your sail...
443 00:23:08 Well, this is a first.
444 00:23:10 ...your starboardand your port.
445 00:23:13 And now I pronounce youhusband and wife.
446 00:23:18 You may kissthe first mate.
447 00:24:05 Sorry, just...just a sampler.
448 00:24:07 Told you this wouldbe classy, right?
449 00:24:08 Yes, you did, class, first classall the way. You were not lying.
450 00:24:13 Class class class.
451 00:24:18 They've got some kindof seasoning on here.
452 00:24:20 It must be sprinkled.
453 00:24:22 Okay, go get us seats near,but not too near, the bridal party.
454 00:24:25 I'm going to go drop this boxof fresh Wyoming air.
455 00:24:27 If you see any crab cakes,get your hands on some
456 00:24:30 - 'cause I love the crab cakes.- Consider it done.
457 00:24:38 - Fondue set.- Excuse me?
458 00:24:41 The present you're holding isa sterling silver fondue set.
459 00:24:44 - John Ryan.- Claire Cleary.
460 00:24:47 Uh, so how do you know that?
461 00:24:49 Well... I'm a psychic.
462 00:24:51 You're psychic?Really?
463 00:24:54 Yes.
464 00:24:55 - What's that one?- Knife set. German. Very nice.
465 00:24:58 Hmm. And that?
466 00:25:00 - Cotton linens, Egyptian.- Ooh.
467 00:25:02 - What about that?- Oh, I'll go all day. Place settings,
468 00:25:05 candlesticks, crystal stemwarewhich they'll probably never use
469 00:25:09 'cause it's... crystal stemware.
470 00:25:11 - Okay, how about that?- This...
471 00:25:13 uh... massage oilsand a book on tantra
472 00:25:17 from the wacky aunt.
473 00:25:21 Let's check.
474 00:25:24 - Who's it from?- Aunt Millie.
475 00:25:26 - Yes!- Well, you... you have a gift.
476 00:25:29 I know. Unfortunately my powers onlyapply to useless consumer products.
477 00:25:32 Well, you know, if the police aremissing a Belgian waffle maker
478 00:25:35 you could, um,give 'em a hand.
479 00:25:39 - Claire, we need you for pictures.- Oh, okay.
480 00:25:41 - Who's your friend?- This is John Ryan.
481 00:25:50 Could I just have one moreof the samplers here?
482 00:25:52 - Good.- What have we got?
483 00:25:54 Come back withsome more stuff.
484 00:25:56 That's good, though. Thesebacon-wrapped scallops, phenomenal.
485 00:25:58
486 00:26:01
487 00:26:03
488 00:26:08
489 00:26:11
490 00:26:13
491 00:26:15
492 00:26:19
493 00:26:23
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502 00:26:45
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508 00:27:01
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519 00:27:31
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521 00:27:36
522 00:27:37
523 00:27:39
524 00:27:41
525 00:27:46 Okay, so what angleyou gonna play here?
526 00:27:48 I'm gonna go with the balloon-animaldisplay for the kids,
527 00:27:51 and then when she comes close tocheck it out, guess who's a broken man?
528 00:27:53 - Haunted past, that's it.- Haunted past. Excellent.
529 00:27:56 - How about you?- I'm gonna dance with the little flower girl
530 00:28:00 - It's all deadly.- Yes.
531 00:28:01 I'll see you in a little.
532 00:28:02 Final touch.There it is.
533 00:28:06 One happy elephant.All right.
534 00:28:10 Who elsewants something?
535 00:28:11 I want a bicycle.
536 00:28:13 A bicycle? Well, a bicycle,that would take a lot of balloons
537 00:28:17 and honestly Uncle Jeremy'sa little tired right now
538 00:28:19 so why don't we do something like, uh...let's say a giraffe?
539 00:28:22 I just want a bicycle!
540 00:28:27 Why-why areyou yelling at me?
541 00:28:29 Whatever, make mea bicycle, clown!
542 00:28:37 I'm gonna makeyou a bicycle.
543 00:28:39 But I don't wantto make you a bicycle.
544 00:28:41 Shut your mouth,funny guy, and make it!
545 00:29:03 Let's see how you dowith somebody your own age.
546 00:29:06 I think I'm upto the challenge.
547 00:29:08 All right, will you save mea dance for later?
548 00:29:10 - Maybe.- Okay.
549 00:29:25 Go on, take it, you hyena.
550 00:29:28 Don't say thank you.
551 00:29:30 Hi. You're good.
552 00:29:32 That thing? I'm just warming up.Last week I did a, uh,
553 00:29:35 exact replica of...to scale... of Wrigley Field.
554 00:29:37 - Ha!- Honest to God.
555 00:29:39 - I don't have anywhere to put it.- Okay, then I'll take a sportscar.
556 00:29:42 How about a dance?
557 00:29:44 That's whatI really wanted.
558 00:30:18 So how long have youand the Secretary been married?
559 00:30:21 30 years next April.
560 00:30:23 Oh, that's beautiful.
561 00:30:25 Yeah, and we werefaithful for two of them.
562 00:30:27 - Hmm?- Enjoy the party.
563 00:30:36 Thanks.
564 00:30:42 Secretary Cleary,John Ryan.
565 00:30:44 - Hi, John.- I just wanted to tell you how much
566 00:30:47 I enjoyed your position paperon economic expansion in Micronesia.
567 00:30:50 You've readmy position paper?
568 00:30:53 I read it while I wassailing my boat to Bermuda.
569 00:30:55 A sailor?
570 00:30:57 - Good man, take a seat.- Oh, thanks.
571 00:31:00 You didn't happento catch my speech
572 00:31:02 on the Paraguayan debtand money supply issue, did you?
573 00:31:05 Are you kidding me?I thought it was great.
574 00:31:07 Your argumentfor the inverse ratio
575 00:31:10 of capitalizationto debt was genius.
576 00:31:13 Now, if we can just getCongress not to be so shortsighted.
577 00:31:16 Yes! Well put."Shortsighted."
578 00:31:19
579 00:31:21 John, what do you sayyou and I head out to the deck
580 00:31:23 - and light up a couple of cigars?- Stogies?
581 00:31:26 - Yeah.- Why not?
582 00:31:28 It's just that we lost a lotof really good men out there.
583 00:31:34 I'm sorry.
584 00:31:36 Gloria, I think I gottago get some fresh air.
585 00:31:40 Thank you so much for the danceand it was wonderful to meet you.
586 00:31:46 I wish I were stronger.
587 00:31:55 Jeremy!
588 00:31:58 Jeremy, wait up!
589 00:32:05
590 00:32:07
591 00:32:10
592 00:32:12
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653 00:34:42
654 00:34:45
655 00:34:47
656 00:34:49
657 00:34:52
658 00:34:56 Well, the guy wantsto run for President.
659 00:34:57 Oh, so you're hiding, I see.
660 00:35:00 He thinks Moby Dickis a venereal disease.
661 00:35:02 Well, that's what I need.Claire...
662 00:35:05 Sorry to interrupt.
663 00:35:08 - Um, Christina wants to talk to you.- Fun's over.
664 00:35:13 - Yeah.- Funny.
665 00:35:15 - Franklin!- What a great guy.
666 00:35:18 You are a big hitat this wedding.
667 00:35:21 Well, everyone'sso nice. It's easy.
668 00:35:25 - They're all full of shit.- What?
669 00:35:29 Half of these peopleare here because of my dad.
670 00:35:32 They're all just, you know,suckling at the power teat.
671 00:35:35 No no.Come on, they're here because
672 00:35:39 they want to believe they'rein the presence of true love.
673 00:35:41 That's why people come to weddings,'cause they wanna believe in true love.
674 00:35:46 What's true love?
675 00:35:48 True love is your soul's recognitionof its counterpoint in another.
676 00:35:57 Well, it's a little cheesy,but... I like it.
677 00:36:00 Uh, I saw iton a bumper sticker.
678 00:36:04 - So, you gonna give a toast?- Yes.
679 00:36:07 - Nervous?- Mm... little bit. Um...
680 00:36:09 What are you gonna say?
681 00:36:10 Would you?
682 00:36:13 You keep it in your cleavage.
683 00:36:15 Nowhere else to put it.
684 00:36:16 Normally, I'm not verygood at these things,
685 00:36:18 but I-I thinkthis one's pretty good.
686 00:36:21 "I never thought my sisterwould find someone
687 00:36:23 who cared about what other peoplethought as much as she did...
688 00:36:26 - until I met Craig"?- Yes!
689 00:36:28 That's funny! That's funny becauseit's true. You know, people like funny.
690 00:36:32 I know. But the wholefunny-because-it's-true bit
691 00:36:36 only works if the truthis a small thing
692 00:36:38 like "Everyone knows Jennifer likesto shop," Ha ha ha.
693 00:36:40 I think you're better off goingwith something from the heart, honestly.
694 00:36:43 I think that peopleare gonna like this.
695 00:36:46 I think you'regonna hear crickets.
696 00:36:48 - I thing you're wrong.- Sounds of silence.
697 00:36:50 - Nope.- Okay, go walk the plank.
698 00:36:52 - Mmm-mm. I'm sticking to it.- Go ahead.
699 00:36:54 Hey, meet meat the back of the room.
700 00:36:56 I'll be the guy waitingto say "I told you so."
701 00:37:01 Good luck!
702 00:37:03 And so, after my ninth stint in rehab,
703 00:37:07 um, Craig...oh, Craig.
704 00:37:12 Craig was the only onewho still believed in me.
705 00:37:14 Been sober nowfor eight months.
706 00:37:19 And uh...
707 00:37:21 I thank God every day,
708 00:37:23 for sending mea friend like Craig.
709 00:37:27 I love you, man.
710 00:37:45 I never thought thatmy sister would find someone
711 00:37:47 who cared about whatother people thought
712 00:37:49 as much as she diduntil I met Craig.
713 00:37:53 Uh...
714 00:37:57 Um...as you all know,
715 00:37:59 my sister and Craigare both lawyers
716 00:38:02 at big law firmsin New York.
717 00:38:04 But that's not the only thingthey have in common.
718 00:38:08 Um, they both likethe color green
719 00:38:11 like Craig's eyesand money.
720 00:38:18 Um, uh...
721 00:38:33 you know, someoneonce told me that
722 00:38:36 true love is
723 00:38:38 the soul's recognition ofits counterpoint in another.
724 00:38:43 And I think thatthat's a very rare thing in this world.
725 00:38:48 And I think it's somethingto be valued.
726 00:38:52 And I'm just really happythat my big sister's found it.
727 00:38:55 Uh, congratulations, Chris.
728 00:39:12 Ah! That was amazing!
729 00:39:14 It was really great.
730 00:39:16 We should probably head backso they're not lookin' for us.
731 00:39:19 I always knew my first timewould be on a beach.
732 00:39:23 First time?
733 00:39:28 - You were a virgin?- Mm-hmm.
734 00:39:30 Wow.
735 00:39:32 Jeremy, we're gonnabe so happy together.
736 00:39:35 I love you.
737 00:39:37 - I'm sorry?- I love you!
738 00:39:49 - You totally saved me.- No.
739 00:39:52 - Yes.- Claire, come on. Come here.
740 00:39:54 Mm!
741 00:39:56 Oh, baby,you were awesome.
742 00:39:58 - No.- Listen to me, awesome.
743 00:40:00 Okay.
744 00:40:02 Uh, John, this is... this ismy boyfriend, Sack.
745 00:40:04 - Hey, fella.- How you doing?
746 00:40:07 Listen, we've gottago meet the Schreibers.
747 00:40:09 Okay, was great to meet you.Thank you!
748 00:40:14 Boom, I gotcha!
749 00:40:18 Oh, great!Good to see you.
750 00:40:20 I've been looking all over for you.I gotta get outta here pronto,
751 00:40:22 - I've got a Stage Five clinger.- No no, I need more time.
752 00:40:25 Did you hear whatI just said to you?
753 00:40:27 Stage 5? Virgin? Clinger?Let's go, I'm gonna start the car.
754 00:40:30 I'm serious, let's go.
755 00:40:34 I don't think that you'reappreciating the urgency here.
756 00:40:37 Not only is she a virgin,she's totally off the reservation.
757 00:40:39 I'm terrified of this broad.
758 00:40:41 - Here you are!- Hey! Gloria, wow!
759 00:40:44 What a coincidence,I was just singing your praises.
760 00:40:46 - This is John Ryan.- Oh, hi.
761 00:40:48 - Yeah.- So my family and a few friends,
762 00:40:50 we're all going back to our little placeon the shore and it would be
763 00:40:53 - so great if you guys came.- Really?
764 00:40:55 - Sounds sort of wonderful.- I am...
765 00:40:57 well it does, it sounds...it sounds very nice.
766 00:40:59 But-but and I'm flatteredthat you would
767 00:41:00 even think of me to include me insomething like that, Gloria. Thank you.
768 00:41:03 It kills me however to have to tell youI'm sorry, I just... timing's no good.
769 00:41:06 - I won't be able to make it.- Why?
770 00:41:08 - It's gonna be so much fun!- It's gonna be so much fun!
771 00:41:11 I'm sure it will be fun for the...for the people that are going.
772 00:41:14 I-I unfortunately can't go.I-I don't have, um...
773 00:41:16 I only have this monkey suit.
774 00:41:18 - I don't have any clothes.- No, we have everything you need.
775 00:41:20 - Problem solved. Problem solved!- The problem's not solved.
776 00:41:23 - The problem's not solved.- Deal us in.
777 00:41:25 Oh, cool cool cool!I'm gonna run and find my dad! Ah!
778 00:41:27 Hey, don't ask your dad!Don't ask your dad! Don't...
779 00:41:29 - The train's going. We gotta get on.- That's true. Why don't... why don't you
780 00:41:32 - just feed me to the lions?- What?
781 00:41:33 - Step on my head when I'm drowning.- What?
782 00:41:35 What a great friend.What do you mean, what?
783 00:41:36 John, this is completelyagainst the rules.
784 00:41:38 You have a wedding and a receptionto seal the deal. Period.
785 00:41:40 - There's no overtime. No!- Oh, no overtime?
786 00:41:42 What about the Chang weddingthree years ago?
787 00:41:45 - Oh, that's bullshit.- Yeah, thought I forgot about that.
788 00:41:46 2:00 A.M., you dragged me50 miles to watch you and some chick
789 00:41:49 play mah-jong with her grandmotherat a retirement home.
790 00:41:52 Yeah, completelydifferent situation.
791 00:41:54 - How?- What do you mean how?
792 00:41:55 She was a very veryfamily-oriented girl.
793 00:41:57 And she was very into her grandmother.They're very family-oriented.
794 00:42:00 - Give me a break!- That was my first Asian!
795 00:42:03 - You better lock it up.- You better lock it up.
796 00:42:05 - No, you lock it up. Lock it up.- You lock it up. Lock it up.
797 00:42:09 Please! It would meanso much to me, please!
798 00:42:12 Look at the wayhe's looking at me.
799 00:42:14 I can tell he doesn't like me, John.He's the Secretary of the Treasury.
800 00:42:16 And to be honest with you,my taxes aren't exactly in line.
801 00:42:18 Oh, come on,you're being paranoid.
802 00:42:20 He's threatenedby the way I dance.
803 00:42:22 Damn it! Why'd I have togo showin' off like that?
804 00:42:24 Now I'm all overhis radar. Stupid!
805 00:42:26 You're notthat good a dancer.
806 00:42:28 Oh, please!
807 00:42:29 You and I both knowI'm a phenomenal dancer.
808 00:42:31 Now I know you're lyingthrough your teeth!
809 00:42:32 You'll do anythingto get me to go on this thing,
810 00:42:35 even if I have to walkright into the lion's den.
811 00:42:37 Gloria, come on!
812 00:42:38 You know I'm not gonna give into this kind of behavior.
813 00:42:41 She's like a kid at Toys R Us.I can't be around it.
814 00:42:43 Oh, get off your high horse.Stop judging people.
815 00:42:45 You take off the white wig,and you stop judging me.
816 00:42:48 I don't want to be aroundsomeone who's a nut job.
817 00:42:50 - I need some alone time with her.- If you want to hang out with Claire,
818 00:42:53 the boyfriend and Cybill,by all means. I'm not going.
819 00:42:55 Let me lay it out for you in simplechapter and verse: You're going.
820 00:42:57 Let me break it down for you so youunderstand: I'll hold your hand like
821 00:43:00 - a small child. I'm not going.- Yes, you are.
822 00:43:03 You can go if you want. I'm... no,I'm not. No, I'm not.
823 00:43:04 You're gonna be a team playerfor once in your life.
824 00:43:06 - He'd love you to come.- Yes! Yes! Baba ganoush!
825 00:43:09 - What do I do?- Baba ganou!
826 00:43:26 Okay okay.Home sweet home.
827 00:43:33 - You okay?- Yeah.
828 00:43:35 Come here, come here.
829 00:43:37 Are you okay? Because I'm gonna need100%/% of Jeremy this weekend
830 00:43:39 and you're lookinga little weird.
831 00:43:42 She took me below deckfor 45 minutes. I don't have
832 00:43:44 - any bodily fluids left in me.- Gentlemen, everything okay?
833 00:43:47 - Great! Yep.- Great?
834 00:43:49 You know, we were thinking abouta little game of touch football,
835 00:43:51 - you know.- Yeah?
836 00:43:54 - Cleary family tradition.- A little pigskin, why not?
837 00:43:57 - Great.- Don't forget to stretch, guys.
838 00:43:59 We're gonna be on the field in 10.
839 00:44:31 - Clothes fit.- Ooh.
840 00:44:33 I'm not even gonna say it, but you...you-you know I'm upset.
841 00:44:37 I know you are.I think you look good.
842 00:44:40 You knowI don't look good.
843 00:44:43 Hey, honey!
844 00:44:45 I'm over here!
845 00:44:47 Are you ready?Are you ready for some football?
846 00:44:49 You want the noise brought on you?'Cause here it comes.
847 00:44:51 - The what?- The noise brought on you,
848 00:44:54 - 'cause here it comes.- Just hike the ball, nut job.
849 00:44:55 Ready! Set!Hut! Hut! Hike!
850 00:45:00 One Mississippi, two Mississippi,three Mississippi.
851 00:45:06 - Yes!- Ooh!
852 00:45:09 - Whoo!- Yes! Crab cakes and football!
853 00:45:12 - That's what Maryland does!- Nice one!
854 00:45:15 - A little out of shape?- Yeah.
855 00:45:19 - Way to bring it!- Way to anticipate that rush, man.
856 00:45:21 - No, I just saw you had it.- Hey, shut up!
857 00:45:23 You gotta anticipate that rush.
858 00:45:25 - Cool, no, of course I do.- You did a great job.
859 00:45:27 - What happened, Toast?- I think he's on steroids.
860 00:45:30 It was like trying to covera fuckin' racehorse.
861 00:45:34 - Well, don't worry about it.- Get it up!
862 00:45:36 We'll burn 'em with the post.
863 00:45:38 No no. No, I gota better idea.
864 00:45:40 Look, I want you tofake the post,
865 00:45:42 throw an interception to Claire,get her to feel good, you know?
866 00:45:46 Gets them foamy.You think you can do that?
867 00:45:48 John, I was first team, all-state.I can put the ball wherever I want to.
868 00:45:51 I'll make it rain out here.All right, guys, bring it in. Blue 17!
869 00:45:55 Blue 17! Red 17!
870 00:45:58 - Oh, you're gonna cover me?- Like white on rice.
871 00:46:01 All right, I like my odds here.I'm gonna give you a little warning,
872 00:46:04 - I'm going downtown.- Hot route!
873 00:46:06 Red seven,red seven, red seven!
874 00:46:08 Look for me in the endzone after thisplay, I'll be the guy holding the ball.
875 00:46:12 - John! Red seven!- What? I don't know
876 00:46:14 what "red seven" means.- Hot route!
877 00:46:16 I don't...w-what is "hot route"?
878 00:46:17 Will you just go standon the other side, please?
879 00:46:21 Are you runnin'away from me?
880 00:46:23 - No! I'm just gettin' over here.- You scared?
881 00:46:26 - Down!- Come on!
882 00:46:28 Ready, down, set!Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!
883 00:46:33 Go, Jeremy!
884 00:46:35 Hey, yo!Hit me! Hit me!
885 00:46:37 Boo-ya!
886 00:46:39 That's what we calla sack lunch!
887 00:46:42 Num-num-num-num-num-num!
888 00:46:44 Ow! Bird.
889 00:46:48 Big tree fall hard, right?
890 00:46:49 How many fingers I got up? Come on,Pepe, how many fingers I got up?
891 00:46:53 Oh, come on, I gotfour. Okay, here's five.
892 00:46:55 Man down!We got a man down!
893 00:46:57 You okay?
894 00:46:59 Hey, is your brother okay?
895 00:47:01 What? Aw, he's fine.
896 00:47:02 I can't breathe.
897 00:47:05 - What's that?- I can't breathe.
898 00:47:06 No no no, I thinkhe's really hurt.
899 00:47:09 Well, serves him rightafter that throw.
900 00:47:11 Hey! Baba ganoush!
901 00:47:13 I don't know... I don't knowwhat got into me, Secretary, I just...
902 00:47:16 I do. Five generationsof Lodge family breeding.
903 00:47:22 - Your father used to pull...- I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
904 00:47:25 - The same stunt when we were your age.- I can't breathe.
905 00:47:27 - Is that right?- You okay?
906 00:47:29 Great!You threw it perfectly!
907 00:47:31 Come on, get up!
908 00:47:33 - Don't oversell it.- I'm not selling anything.
909 00:47:36 Come on, stop milking it. You makeus look like a bunch of pussies.
910 00:47:39 Jeremy!Sit this play out.
911 00:47:41 Todd, come on in.
912 00:47:44 You must be joking.
913 00:47:46 It wouldn't kill you to playsome competitive sports
914 00:47:50 once in a while, would it?
915 00:47:52 Well, would thatmake you love me?
916 00:47:54 Pfft. Jesus.
917 00:47:56 Hey, Jeremy,red moon dog 7-11!
918 00:48:00 42, 30-teen!
919 00:48:01 Hut one! Hut two!
920 00:48:03 Blitz!
921 00:48:04 Jeremy!
922 00:48:07 Hoo-ah!
923 00:48:09 Oh!
924 00:48:10 - Oh.- That looked like it hurt.
925 00:48:12 - I got you!- No, you didn't!
926 00:48:14 - You're cheating! Oh my God.- You're cheating!
927 00:48:16 - The only...- Your brother, he's down again.
928 00:48:22 What is his deal?
929 00:48:25 L... I don't know what's gettinginto me today, guys. It's just...
930 00:48:27 Nature versus nurture, Lodge.Nature always wins.
931 00:48:31 What are you doing?It's a game of touch.
932 00:48:33 Every time I look over,you're on your ass again.
933 00:48:35 If I had any air in my lungs,I'd scream at you!
934 00:48:37 Oh, now you'regonna blame me?
935 00:48:39 'Cause you're not athleticenough to stay on your two feet?
936 00:48:42 I hate you.
937 00:48:43 Let's takea daiquiri time-out.
938 00:48:44 Daiquiris.
939 00:48:46 Oh!
940 00:48:49 Sweetheart, why don't you take himinto the house and fix him up?
941 00:48:52 - Sure, Mom.- Oh, don't baby him,
942 00:48:54 - it just makes it worse.- Oh! My back hurts.
943 00:48:57 Oh, great.Game's over. Satisfied?
944 00:49:00 You got everyone on you now?Get all the attention.
945 00:49:06 - It's hot out here.- Yeah, it is.
946 00:49:09 You should have playedin your underwear.
947 00:49:12 I'll get you a drink.
948 00:49:21 Oh, Jesus Christ.It burns.
949 00:49:24 - Oh! Poor baby.- It stings. Oh, Jesus.
950 00:49:26 You want meto blow on it?
951 00:49:27 No. No no no.No no no.
952 00:49:30 No, I don't need any blowing.I'm good, I'm good.
953 00:49:31 - I'm... thank you.- Jeremy, I'm not wearing any panties.
954 00:49:34 - Oh. Yeah.- That's right.
955 00:49:36 - Ooh, ah, oh!- Um, uh, okay. That's fun. That's nice.
956 00:50:08 Okay, I'm a little confused.
957 00:50:10 Just like eight hours agoyou were a shy little virgin,
958 00:50:12 and now you're not wearing anypanties. I'm just trying to...
959 00:50:14 - to catch up with you here.- You do that to me. Ooh.
960 00:50:16 - Where's my little friend?- I do what... no no no.
961 00:50:18 - Where's my little friend?- He's tired. He's tired.
962 00:50:20 - Where's my little friend?- He's in time-out.
963 00:50:21 He's in time-out.Gloria, please! I'm exhausted.
964 00:50:24 I'm exhausted.I've had a very long day.
965 00:50:28 Dry hump me up and downthe field all afternoon.
966 00:50:30 My leg's cut and bleeding. I'm just...I'm not really in the mood for this.
967 00:50:34 Ow! Jesus Christ!
968 00:50:37 My father warned me aboutpeople like you, Jeremy.
969 00:50:40 I'm just anothernotch on your belt!
970 00:50:42 Wha... this is not like that.What are you talk... it's not like that!
971 00:50:43 Really?! Then what'sit like, Jeremy, huh?
972 00:50:46 - Ow! Ow! No! Wait! Wait!- Huh?!
973 00:50:48 It's just that I'mfeeling very strongly
974 00:50:51 that we're only startingto express ourselves
975 00:50:53 in a physical,sexual-specifically way.
976 00:50:55 That's it! Wait!
977 00:50:57 And I'd like to play some catch-up onfinding out who's inside here.
978 00:51:03 Okay?
979 00:51:05 Jeremy.
980 00:51:09 - Jeremy, you're amazing!- Oh God, I think you're amazing.
981 00:51:11 - Oh my God, don't ever leave me.- Ever.
982 00:51:14 Good! 'Cause I'd find you.
983 00:51:18 Yeah.
984 00:51:21 Of course like all kids, I hadimaginary friends, but not just one.
985 00:51:24 I had hundreds and hundreds and allof them from different backgrounds
986 00:51:27 who spoke different languages.And one of them, whose name was Caleb,
987 00:51:30 he spoke a magical languagethat only I could understand.
988 00:51:37 Get him all patched up?
989 00:51:39 I sure did, Daddy.
990 00:51:41 Gloria bug.
991 00:51:43 You go change for dinner.
992 00:51:46 Okay.
993 00:51:52 You know, she's not justanother notch on the old belt.
994 00:51:59 I don't even weara belt. Beltless.
995 00:52:02 I'm a very powerful man.
996 00:52:05 Yes, you are.
997 00:52:10 See you for dinner.
998 00:52:15 So, I am President of theEnvironment Defense League.
999 00:52:17 And I pick up this little sea otter...
1000 00:52:21 ...and... and... and... wipe offthe oil from the tanker spill.
1001 00:52:23 All right, you gotta step this upalready. I'm gonna give you
1002 00:52:26 - the damn eyedrops.- No, I don't want 'em.
1003 00:52:27 - It's too hardcore.- Well, do you want to be alone
1004 00:52:29 - with her or not?- Yes.
1005 00:52:31 Put a few of these in his drink andhe'll be going down on toilet seat
1006 00:52:33 - for the next 24 hours.- I don't want to do it.
1007 00:52:35 I can beat this guy.Let's be honorable for once.
1008 00:52:39 And the whiskers.
1009 00:52:44 And the oil's... the oil'sflapping, he goes...
1010 00:52:48 - Give me the eyedrops.- Thank you.
1011 00:52:55 Perfect.
1012 00:53:07 Let us bow ourheads in prayer.
1013 00:53:14 Heavenly Father,
1014 00:53:16 we thank You for Thybounty on this table
1015 00:53:20 and ask that You blessthe entire Cleary family
1016 00:53:23 and all the friendshere assembled.
1017 00:53:26 - Amen.- Amen.
1018 00:53:30 - Mm. Oh, these scallops look fantastic.- I, uh... I bought them from
1019 00:53:35 an organic scallop farm right offthe coast of, uh, Nattachoke.
1020 00:53:37 Actually, Sack got the Governorto subsidize part of the project.
1021 00:53:42 And now it's the state's onlyself-sustaining scallop farm.
1022 00:53:44 Say that five times, fast.You can't do it. Self-sustaining...
1023 00:53:50 They actually look terrific.Maybe I'll actually try some
1024 00:53:51 when I get the sensationback in my face
1025 00:53:53 - from the, uh... football game.- Again, Jeremy, I'm sorry.
1026 00:53:56 I just, you know, I havethis damn competitive streak.
1027 00:53:59 Um... I'm seeinga Buddhist about it.
1028 00:54:01 Not just any Buddhist. His Holiness,the Dalai Lama. He's a good friend.
1029 00:54:05 Stop traffic. Because whenI go back to town,
1030 00:54:08 I'm actually gonnasee an orthopedist
1031 00:54:09 about what you did to my back.And not just any orthopedist,
1032 00:54:12 I'm gonna see a Dr. Epsteinwho specializes in...
1033 00:54:14 Hey, Sack, how long have youand Claire been seeing each other?
1034 00:54:17 Claire and I? Um, what's it been,sweetheart? A couple years?
1035 00:54:20 Three and a half.
1036 00:54:22 Yeah, um, actually, we starteddating while we were doing
1037 00:54:24 - Habitat for Humanity.- Sure.
1038 00:54:28 Pretty soon...we'll be getting married.
1039 00:54:30 Yep.
1040 00:54:32 Well, not too soon, um...
1041 00:54:35 We still have a lot of thingsthat we want to accomplish.
1042 00:54:38 Anyway, once Claireand Sack tie the knot,
1043 00:54:41 two of the great American families,the Clearys and the Lodges,
1044 00:54:44 - will finally unite.- Hear, hear.
1045 00:54:46 And then of course, you canchallenge the Klingons
1046 00:54:49 for interstellardomination, right?
1047 00:54:53 Jeremy...
1048 00:54:56 I saw youon the dance floor.
1049 00:55:01 You move pretty good.
1050 00:55:04 Oh. Thanks a lot.
1051 00:55:06 L... really just got lucky.
1052 00:55:08 I was more in the zonethan anything else.
1053 00:55:10 It wasthe booze dancing.
1054 00:55:14 Sorry guys, I forgot.
1055 00:55:16 How are you guys connectedto the family again?
1056 00:55:17 Uncle Ned's kids.
1057 00:55:21 You know...Uncle Ned?
1058 00:55:22 Aunt Liz's brother.Ned and Liz.
1059 00:55:27 Hmm. No, I don't know.
1060 00:55:28 So, Jeremy,
1061 00:55:30 you and your brother areventure capitalists.
1062 00:55:32 - That's right.- That's great.
1063 00:55:35 Venture capitalist.The backbone of the system.
1064 00:55:38 - It's the new pioneer.- New pioneer.
1065 00:55:41 So is it justabout the money?
1066 00:55:42 No no, it's about,
1067 00:55:46 investing in companies thatare ethically and morally defensible.
1068 00:55:49 Well, like what?Give me an example.
1069 00:55:52 Like what? Well, there's the companythat we have where we're taking the...
1070 00:55:55 the fur or the woolfrom sheep
1071 00:55:58 and we turn it into threadfor homeless people to sew.
1072 00:56:02 And then they make it into cloth,which they in turn sew
1073 00:56:05 then, um...
1074 00:56:08 make some shirtsand pants
1075 00:56:11 for other homeless people to sell.It's a pretty good deal.
1076 00:56:14 - People... people helping people.- Yeah.
1077 00:56:17 That's... that's very admirable.
1078 00:56:19 Thank you. Although, don't make meout to be a saint just yet.
1079 00:56:21 We do turn a small profit.
1080 00:56:23 After all, someonehas to pay for the, uh,
1081 00:56:26 lap dances forthe big guy here.
1082 00:56:28 Oh!
1083 00:56:30 He's joking around.It feels so good when he jokes.
1084 00:56:33 What's this, uh,company called?
1085 00:56:35 - Holy sh...- Shirts & Pants. Holy Shirts & Pants.
1086 00:56:38 It's a little cornyand obvious,
1087 00:56:40 but what do you getout of being subtle, right?
1088 00:56:43 Well, that's a hellof a good project.
1089 00:56:45 I'm gonna mention somethingto the Commerce Secretary.
1090 00:56:47 That would be terrific.That would be great, huh?
1091 00:56:50 Terrific,it was terrific.
1092 00:56:51 Isn't my Willy doing a wonderful jobthere in Washington?
1093 00:56:55 - Mommy.- You know, Willy's father, my husband
1094 00:56:59 was the Secretary of State
1095 00:57:02 for PresidentFranklin Roosevelt.
1096 00:57:04 That must have beenso thrilling... FDR.
1097 00:57:07 My gosh, FDR wasa wonderful President.
1098 00:57:10 He was a doll.
1099 00:57:12 The wife, though,Eleanor...
1100 00:57:15 - big dyke!- Oh Lord.
1101 00:57:17 Huge dyke!A real rug muncher!
1102 00:57:20 Looked likea big lesbian mule.
1103 00:57:26 Grandma, you can't talklike that, okay? It's not right.
1104 00:57:29 Somebody... somebody get meanother Scotch for Christ sakes!
1105 00:57:32 I think I'mgonna go to bed.
1106 00:57:33 Honey, are you okay?
1107 00:57:36 Oh, yeah, I'm fine. You know,I'm just a little tired. Thanks.
1108 00:57:39 - Okay.- You all right?
1109 00:57:40 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1110 00:57:45 What an athlete.A tremendous competitor.
1111 00:57:47 I know.
1112 00:57:50 Todd, I noticed that you haven't eventouched your food yet.
1113 00:57:53 - I don't eat meat or fish.- He's a homo.
1114 00:57:57 Mommy, let's notgo there again.
1115 00:58:00 Actually, um, Toddis an amazing painter.
1116 00:58:04 He's going to the Rhode IslandSchool of Design.
1117 00:58:07 Oh, that's a great school.Congratulations, Todd.
1118 00:58:09 That's reallyimpressive, "Rizdee."
1119 00:58:11 Yeah, Dad... Dad used to thinkI'd be a political liability,
1120 00:58:14 you know, in casehe ever ran for President.
1121 00:58:17 Now, Todd!Actually, truth be told,
1122 00:58:20 polling shows a majorityof the American people
1123 00:58:23 would ultimately empathizewith our situation.
1124 00:58:27 - What is our situation, Dad?!- You're a homo.
1125 00:58:31 Oh, for God sakes, William,put Mommy to bed already.
1126 00:58:35 Okay. Mommy,we've had a long day.
1127 00:58:37 I can do it myself, asshole.
1128 00:58:43 Wow.
1129 00:58:45 I'll be in my room painting.
1130 00:58:47 Homo things.
1131 00:58:50 You just goright ahead, Toddy.
1132 00:58:52 - Mmm, wonderful scallops.- Absolutely. Wonderful.
1133 00:58:57 You know, um...
1134 00:58:59 I think I'mgonna get some air.
1135 00:59:01 Oh, I'll get some airif you want some company.
1136 00:59:03 - Sure.- Let me just change my shoes.
1137 00:59:07 - Excuse me.- All right. I'm gonna... can't walk away
1138 00:59:10 from the delicious foodthat we got here.
1139 00:59:21 I just had my tits done.
1140 00:59:24 You like 'em?
1141 00:59:27 Those... seem like lovely tits.
1142 00:59:31 William doesn't givea shit about my tits.
1143 00:59:33 Well, darn him.
1144 00:59:36 But Mrs. Cleary,this is pretty sudden.
1145 00:59:39 You've been playing cat and mousewith me ever since you came here.
1146 00:59:42 - Mrs. Cleary, l don't--- Call me Cat.
1147 00:59:44 Okay, Cat--
1148 00:59:47 Call me Kitty Cat.
1149 00:59:49 Okay, Kitty Cat,
1150 00:59:52 this feels borderlineinappropriate, and--
1151 00:59:56 - Feel them.- What?
1152 00:59:58 - l said feel them.- Mrs. Cleary--
1153 01:00:00 Kitty Cat.
1154 01:00:02 l'm sorry, Kitty Cat.Are you out of your fucking mind?
1155 01:00:05 l'm not lettingyou out of this room
1156 01:00:07 until you feel them.
1157 01:00:21 Wow, they feel really nice.Real orb-like.
1158 01:00:28 Pervert.
1159 01:00:41
1160 01:00:47
1161 01:00:48
1162 01:00:53
1163 01:00:55
1164 01:00:59
1165 01:01:02
1166 01:01:06
1167 01:01:08
1168 01:01:12
1169 01:01:14
1170 01:01:25 - John, l need to talk to you.- No, not right now.
1171 01:01:28 What's wrong with you? Why you gotthe weird look all over your face?
1172 01:01:31 Claire's mom just mademe grab her hooters.
1173 01:01:33 Well, snap out of it!What? A hot, older woman
1174 01:01:35 made you feel her cans?Stop crying like a little girl.
1175 01:01:38 l wasn't cryinglike a little girl.
1176 01:01:40 Why don't you try getting jacked off underthe table in front
1177 01:01:43 of the whole damn family and havesome real problems? Jackass.
1178 01:01:46 What were they like, anyway?They look pretty good. Are they real?
1179 01:01:49 Are they built for speed or for comfort?What you do with 'em? Motorboat?
1180 01:01:53 You play the motorboat?Ppppt!
1181 01:01:56 You motorboatin' son of a bitch.You old sailor, you!
1182 01:01:59 Where is she?She still in the house?
1183 01:02:00 What iswrong with you?
1184 01:02:02 What do you mean what's wrong with--what's wrong with you?
1185 01:02:04 - No, what's wrong with you?- No, what's wrong with you?
1186 01:02:06 - You're projecting.- Drop it.
1187 01:02:07 You drop it!You stop projecting on me.
1188 01:02:09 Why don't you go enjoy yourself whilel go ice my balls and spit up blood?
1189 01:02:13 - Drop it!- ''Team player.''
1190 01:02:33
1191 01:02:40
1192 01:02:52
1193 01:02:54
1194 01:02:57
1195 01:02:58
1196 01:03:02
1197 01:03:07
1198 01:03:09
1199 01:03:16
1200 01:03:19
1201 01:03:21
1202 01:03:23
1203 01:03:25
1204 01:03:28
1205 01:03:31
1206 01:03:33
1207 01:03:41
1208 01:03:53 Hey! Good thingl didn't hold my breath.
1209 01:03:56 Yeah, l'm sorry,l just, uh...
1210 01:03:58 Sorry l'm late, l just--
1211 01:04:01 You okay?
1212 01:04:03 No no, l'm fine, l just--
1213 01:04:05 - l just got, uh, held up.
1214 01:04:09 - Hmm. My family's a little strange.- A little strange?
1215 01:04:12
1216 01:04:14 Come on. Claire.
1217 01:04:16 Your family...are totally nuts.
1218 01:04:19 - And guess what?- What?
1219 01:04:23 - l love it.- You do?
1220 01:04:25 - Yeah, it seems great.- Really?
1221 01:04:27 - Yes!- l get a little self-conscious.
1222 01:04:29 lt's a family!You're mixing it up.
1223 01:04:31 You got the sweet littlegrandma who's really sweet
1224 01:04:35 with her, like, little, like,white hair, but then she's kinda mean.
1225 01:04:38 But you're like,''Well, fuck it, she's so old,
1226 01:04:40 and she's notgonna change now.''
1227 01:04:42 - Oh.- Shit, it was great!
1228 01:04:44 l just hope l didn't embarrass myselfwith that stupid joke l told.
1229 01:04:48 Are you kidding?That was so funny!
1230 01:04:50 - No, really? Really?- Yeah! Yeah, you're like that
1231 01:04:53 crazy guest who thinks he's partof the family already, it's--
1232 01:04:55 Doesn't sound that great.That sounds horrible.
1233 01:04:58 - No, it's cute.- The crazy guest who thinks he's
1234 01:05:00 like a part of the family who's gonna sayinappropriate stuff? What is that?
1235 01:05:04 - Yeah. You know, you break the ice.- Yeah.
1236 01:05:06 lt can be so stuffy sometimes in there.
1237 01:05:09 Claire?
1238 01:05:10 - Yeah?- There you are.
1239 01:05:12 Have you checked on Sack?l think he's pretty sick.
1240 01:05:15 - Oh, really?- Yeah.
1241 01:05:17 Okay. Yeah.No, l'll be right in.
1242 01:05:19 Um, l should--l should go check on him.
1243 01:05:22 Yeah, sure, okay.Yeah, we'll take a walk some other time.
1244 01:05:27 Claire.
1245 01:05:29 Mm-hmm?
1246 01:05:33 l'll-- l'll talk to you later.
1247 01:05:35 Okay.
1248 01:05:49 Oh no.
1249 01:05:51 Are you okay?
1250 01:05:52 Well, Claire, um...
1251 01:05:56 my head's buriedin a toilet.
1252 01:05:57 What do you think?Why don't you do the math, okay?
1253 01:06:01 Honey, it's okay to be vulnerablesometimes. lt's just me.
1254 01:06:05 Yeah, you can just cut that psychobabblebullshit that your mom tells you, okay?
1255 01:06:09 - Right.- Hey, you wanna help me out?
1256 01:06:11 Do ya? Do ya, kid?Why don't you go get me a 7-Up, okay?
1257 01:06:14 All right,'cause l think l'm--
1258 01:06:16 l think l mightget vulnerable again.
1259 01:06:32 What the f-- fuckis going on?
1260 01:06:34 Shh, shh, shh!You'll wake my dad.
1261 01:06:38 Baby, l started thinkingabout what you said before
1262 01:06:41 and l think the problem is l am notbeing adventurous enough for you!
1263 01:06:44 Gloria, l am pretty sure that is notwhat l've been saying to you.
1264 01:06:47 Shh!Baby...
1265 01:06:51 l'm gonna make allyour fantasies come true.
1266 01:06:55 But this is not fant--
1267 01:07:00 l love you.
1268 01:07:32 ** Till l drive you away **
1269 01:07:38 ** l knowwhat you'll say **
1270 01:07:41 ** You say oh **
1271 01:07:46 ** Someone you know **
1272 01:07:53 ** But l promise you this **
1273 01:07:59 ** l'll alwayslook out for you **
1274 01:08:06 ** Yeah, that'swhat l'll do **
1275 01:08:13 ** l say oh **
1276 01:08:18 ** Oh-oh **
1277 01:08:23 ** l say oh **
1278 01:08:27 ** Oh-oh-oh **
1279 01:08:33 ** l saw sparks **
1280 01:08:37 ** Yeah, l saw sparks **
1281 01:08:43 ** l saw sparks **
1282 01:08:48 ** Yeah, l saw sparks **
1283 01:08:53 ** l saw them **
1284 01:08:56 ** La la la. **
1285 01:09:03 Gloria,go to sleep, honey.
1286 01:09:06 lt's not Gloria.
1287 01:09:08 Jesus Christ!
1288 01:09:10 We had a moment atthe dinner table, didn't we?
1289 01:09:12 No. No, we did not havea moment at the dinner table.
1290 01:09:14 Yes! We had a moment.
1291 01:09:17 l was right there. Todd, l would havenoticed if there was a moment.
1292 01:09:19 - There was no moment.- l made you a painting.
1293 01:09:22 What?
1294 01:09:24 l call the painting''Celebration.''
1295 01:09:26 lt's sexual and violent.
1296 01:09:29 l thought you might like it.
1297 01:09:33 No.
1298 01:09:38 - Hide! You gotta hide! Yes.- No. They need to know about us.
1299 01:09:41 - lt's okay.- No no no no. Hide hide hide!
1300 01:09:43 Please please please.
1301 01:09:45 You gotta hide, you gotta hide!Not there. Not there!
1302 01:09:47 l'm not comfortable--l'm not comfortable with that!
1303 01:09:50 - Let's play tummy sticks!- What's tummy sticks?
1304 01:09:52 l don't want to play tummy sticks!Get in the closet.
1305 01:09:54 lt's okay, l was whereyou were a year ago.
1306 01:09:56 Get in the fucking closet right now!You go get in the closet!
1307 01:09:59 You go get in the closet!You go get in the closet!
1308 01:10:01 You go get in the closet!You go get in the closet! Go!
1309 01:10:06 l'll pop outat the right moment.
1310 01:10:09 No, you will not!
1311 01:10:16 Everything okay in here?l thought l heard something.
1312 01:10:21 l was justhaving a bad dream.
1313 01:10:23 Oh.
1314 01:10:26 l know about bad dreams.
1315 01:10:30 You know, Todd...
1316 01:10:33 screams
1317 01:10:36 at night sometimes.
1318 01:10:39 You know, the doctorscall it night terrors.
1319 01:10:42 l don't know.
1320 01:10:53 Hmm?
1321 01:11:03 Oh. Okay, then.
1322 01:11:06 Sleep well.
1323 01:11:14 There's nothingterrifying about the night.
1324 01:11:18 Now, listen, if you let mego to bed and get some sleep
1325 01:11:22 then l-- we cantalk tomorrow.
1326 01:11:24 You won'tmake time for me.
1327 01:11:26 lf l get my sleepl'll have to-- l'll--
1328 01:11:27 l'll love to make time and talk about,uh, uh, different things.
1329 01:11:29 Like paintings.
1330 01:11:33 Can't wait for tomorrow
1331 01:11:35 when l got energyand l can really share some stuff.
1332 01:11:37 Okay.
1333 01:11:39 - Oh, it's gonna be great.- You sleep.
1334 01:11:47 Mmm. Okay.That was nice.
1335 01:11:49 That was nice! Pleaselet me just sleep.
1336 01:11:54 l can't takethis fuckin' shit anymore!
1337 01:12:06 There he is!lt's the big guy! Get in here.
1338 01:12:09 Wait till you see the spread.Anything you want.
1339 01:12:12 Yeah, well, getwhat you want to go.
1340 01:12:14 The ferry leaves in 25 minutes.We gotta get outta here.
1341 01:12:16 Whoa, what's your problem?Have some of this stuff.
1342 01:12:18 l didn't get a lot of sleeplast night, John. l'm fried.
1343 01:12:21 - Soft mattress?- Yeah, that could've been it.
1344 01:12:24 lt could have been the soft mattress. Or, itcould've been
1345 01:12:26 the midnight rape... or the nude, gay artshow that took place in my room--
1346 01:12:28 one of those probably addedto the lack of sleep--
1347 01:12:31 Try one of these scones,you're gonna love 'em.
1348 01:12:32 l'm a little traumatizedto have a scone. Let's move.
1349 01:12:35 Will you slow down for a second?The whole eyedrop thing backfired.
1350 01:12:38 Okay? lt didn't work. She had toleave me and go attend to him.
1351 01:12:43 Why are you lookingat me like that?
1352 01:12:44 You're fallingfor this broad.
1353 01:12:47 No! l just met her.
1354 01:12:49 Exactly.l'm gonna go.
1355 01:12:51 - You can't go.- Watch me.
1356 01:12:53 Watch me take thison down the road.
1357 01:12:55 lf you leave, Gloria is gonna freak outand throw a shit fit,
1358 01:12:59 and it's gonna go into crisis lockdownmode here at the house.
1359 01:13:02 l don't givea baker's fuck!
1360 01:13:04 l just had my own sock duct-tapedinto my mouth last night!
1361 01:13:07 - Whoa, what?- Yeah, the sock
1362 01:13:09 that l wore around all day,
1363 01:13:11 playin' football in,pouring sweat in,
1364 01:13:13 was shoved into my mouth,and there was duct tape over it!
1365 01:13:16 Well, let's talk about it.l'm a good listener.
1366 01:13:18 l'm not in a place to discusswhat happened. Okay?
1367 01:13:20 l felt like Jodie Fosterin ''The Accused'' last night.
1368 01:13:22 l'm gonna go home,see Dr. Finkelstein
1369 01:13:25 and l'm gonna tell him...we got a whole new bag of issues,
1370 01:13:28 we can forget aboutMom for a while. l'm gonna go.
1371 01:13:32 Suit yourself.
1372 01:13:34 Rule #1.
1373 01:13:35 Rule #1 : Never leavea fellow crasher behind.
1374 01:13:42 - l can't believe how selfish you are.- l need you.
1375 01:13:50 A friend in need is a pest.
1376 01:13:55 l'll stick it out with youbecause you're desperate.
1377 01:13:58 - l need the big guy.- l'm gonna try to give you
1378 01:14:00 a little bit more time,because somebody can't close.
1379 01:14:02 - Fair enough.- But if you want my help,
1380 01:14:04 you gotta listen. Number one:Stop being a pussy.
1381 01:14:08 Number two:Make a move.
1382 01:14:10 Number three...
1383 01:14:11 you know it.
1384 01:14:13 Could you pop the syrup for me?Just as a top off?
1385 01:14:15 Here's what'sgonna happen, Tonto.
1386 01:14:18 Kimosabe's gonna havesome flavor,
1387 01:14:20 - l'm gonna choose not to eat with you.- We're not gonna eat together?
1388 01:14:23 No. l like to rechargemy batteries,
1389 01:14:25 and shut down the engines,and get myself back to neutral.
1390 01:14:28 When the meal's over with,l will talk to you.
1391 01:14:30 l don't want to getinto what happened last night,
1392 01:14:32 'cause it's only gonna make me mad.Let's get through today,
1393 01:14:34 let's keep our eyeon the prize, let's focus,
1394 01:14:36 - and let's close some ass.- Noted.
1395 01:14:43 Can l tell you somethingwithout you getting angry?
1396 01:14:48 l love you.
1397 01:14:52 Yeah, you, big guy.
1398 01:14:55 l love you too.
1399 01:15:00 Hello.
1400 01:15:02 - Trapster, it's Sack.- Sackmaster!
1401 01:15:05 - How was the wedding?- Oh, it was boring, you know,
1402 01:15:08 but the bachelor party,of course, rocked.
1403 01:15:10 We got Heidi a coupleof those fucking sluts
1404 01:15:12 from the environmentalgroup, remember them?
1405 01:15:13 No way!Did you tap that again?
1406 01:15:16 Once at my place,then once back in the cab.
1407 01:15:19 Damn! Sluts!
1408 01:15:21 Oh, how's Claire?
1409 01:15:23 Still trying to figure outwhat she's doing with her life?
1410 01:15:26 Claire? She's, you know,whatever, l don't know.
1411 01:15:28 She's saving the worldone maladjusted kid at a time.
1412 01:15:31 But that'll all changewhen we're married,
1413 01:15:33 'cause l want a wife.l don't want a fucking martyr, right?
1414 01:15:36 l hear that, my friend.
1415 01:15:38 Hey, man, listen,l-l-l-l got--
1416 01:15:41 do you rememberthat private detective we used
1417 01:15:43 to set up that fuckingShearson Lehman prick?
1418 01:15:45 The big sleazy, Tommy Gufano.He's a wop genius.
1419 01:15:48 Yes. l need you to get some dirton these two guys
1420 01:15:51 John and Jeremy Ryan.They're brothers from New Hampshire.
1421 01:15:54 They got some sort of N.P.O. called''Holy Shirts & Pants.''
1422 01:15:57 - l will check into them.- Excellent, bro.
1423 01:15:59 - You da man!- Take it easy.
1424 01:16:07 Where's Sack?
1425 01:16:09 Oh, he's-- he's stillnot feeling very well.
1426 01:16:11 Well then, ''The Woodwind''takes off without him.
1427 01:16:42 - John my boy.- Yes?
1428 01:16:43 We're tacking back round.
1429 01:16:45 Do me a favor,ease the sheets,
1430 01:16:48 swing the jibstarboard.
1431 01:16:50 Okay, let me--
1432 01:16:55 Okay.
1433 01:17:07 One minute.
1434 01:17:10 - Hi. How's it going?- Hi.
1435 01:17:12 Oh, just swinging the jibhere for your dad.
1436 01:17:14 Starboard. Trying to get it over hereand crease the sheet.
1437 01:17:17 Um, but starboard'sthis way.
1438 01:17:20 - Oh, that's right. What am l--- Yeah.
1439 01:17:24 - What am l thinking?- l'll help.
1440 01:17:25 - Okay.- Hang on, hang on.
1441 01:17:27 - Watch the jib boom.- Oh.
1442 01:17:33 All right, push it.Push it this way.
1443 01:17:37 Oh, yeah.Yeah, this is better.
1444 01:17:39 - Come on, use some muscle.- There we go.
1445 01:17:42 All right, that's good.Done. Done.
1446 01:17:44 You know, l'm used to sailingdown under with the Kiwis,
1447 01:17:47 so everythingis backwards.
1448 01:17:49 Even the toilets--when you flush them,
1449 01:17:52 the water spinsthe opposite way.
1450 01:17:54 Really freaks you outthe first time you see it.
1451 01:18:13 John my boy,
1452 01:18:15 come on up here.
1453 01:18:17 Man ''The Woodwind''for a while.
1454 01:18:18 On my way.
1455 01:18:25 Hey, your dad was tellingme about a great beach near here
1456 01:18:28 that maybe we couldcheck out
1457 01:18:30 if you have any interestwhen we get back.
1458 01:18:32 Yeah.
1459 01:18:35 Great. Okay, it can getconfusing up here.
1460 01:18:37 lf you have a problem,just give me a call.
1461 01:18:39 Thank you.
1462 01:19:09 Thanks.
1463 01:19:10 Now how would oneget to this Sook's Bend?
1464 01:19:13 Actually, it would bea really nice bike ride.
1465 01:19:15 Everything's readyfor the quail hunt!
1466 01:19:18 For the quail hunt?
1467 01:19:20 Yeah. lt's a-- it'sa Cleary family tradition.
1468 01:19:23 Well, l think you might haveto deal me out on this,
1469 01:19:25 - 'cause we were gonna--- Nonsense, l insist.
1470 01:19:28 John, you gotta go! You're gonnalove it! You're gonna love it!
1471 01:19:30 Sack, honey, um, you're a little bitsick for hunting.
1472 01:19:34 Oh, no, l'm great!Honey, l'm great!
1473 01:19:36 Oh, l'm going!Right? Right?
1474 01:19:42 Okay. You're going.
1475 01:19:44 - So, l guess l'll see you later.- See you later.
1476 01:19:47 Just take it easy, okay?
1477 01:19:49 - Okay.- Okay.
1478 01:19:51 Mr. Environmentalis also a-a hunter.
1479 01:19:53 lt's kind of an interestingcombination.
1480 01:19:55 l hunt quail, Jeremy!
1481 01:19:57 They're overpopulated in thisregion and they're decimating
1482 01:20:00 the grub worm population.You got a fucking problem with that?!
1483 01:20:02 Not nearly as much as l do with the,uh, attire that you have on,
1484 01:20:05 or just your general point of viewtowards everybody.
1485 01:20:08 But let's go kill some birds.l'm psyched.
1486 01:20:13 Have you even shotone of these things before?
1487 01:20:15 The whole 17 yearswe've known each other,
1488 01:20:17 l've been sneaking off to go on littlehunting trips around the world.
1489 01:20:20 No, l don't even knowwhat the fuck a quail is!
1490 01:20:23 l feel totally ridiculous.Like why do l have to be in camouflage?
1491 01:20:26 So the big bad quaildoesn't see me?
1492 01:20:28 l know. lt's like, why can't wehunt something cool
1493 01:20:30 like a hawk, or an eagle, or somethingwith some talons?
1494 01:20:33 That'd be awesome. You mean, somethinglike big game even like a gorilla...
1495 01:20:36 Yeah. Gorilla!
1496 01:20:37 - or rhinoceros...- Rhino!
1497 01:20:38 or a fucking human being?That'll get you jacked up.
1498 01:20:41 That's a little heavy.
1499 01:20:43 l mean, like-- you're huntinga human being right now,
1500 01:20:46 the most dangerous game.
1501 01:20:48 Like a worthy adversary.Not a human being that's armed...
1502 01:20:51 - Oh, if he wasn't armed.- ...but a clever-- a clever human being
1503 01:20:54 - who knows the jungle, or the woods.- Or like a bad guy.
1504 01:21:07 There's something not rightabout these guys.
1505 01:21:08 What do you mean?
1506 01:21:11 - l mean, it's time to send them home.- Sack, don't do anything crazy.
1507 01:21:13 Just relax, l'm just gonnascare them a little bit.
1508 01:21:15 All right.
1509 01:21:18 To the right!
1510 01:21:22 Argh!
1511 01:21:24 - Oo-ooh!- Ooh.
1512 01:21:28 - They got me!- Oh, shit.
1513 01:21:30 - They got me!- Oh, shit.
1514 01:21:35 Ow! Jesus!
1515 01:21:37 - You okay, buddy?- Oh, don't ''okay, buddy'' me.
1516 01:21:40 Look, we just came by to saywe're gonna take a little bike ride
1517 01:21:43 and then we're gonna come backand check up on you.
1518 01:21:45 And take care of him, okay? l want youto get my little angel up and running.
1519 01:21:48 - Hang in there.- l hope you flip your bike over
1520 01:21:50 and knock your two front teeth out,you selfish son of a bitch!
1521 01:21:53 You leave me in the trenchestaking grenades, John!
1522 01:21:56 ** Ch-ch-ch-uh,ch-ch-ch-uh **
1523 01:21:59 ** Ch-ch-ch-uh, ch-ch-ch-uh **
1524 01:22:02 ** ln the summertimewhen the weather is hot **
1525 01:22:04 ** You can stretch right upand touch the sky **
1526 01:22:07 ** When the weather's fineyou got women **
1527 01:22:09 ** You got women on your mind **
1528 01:22:13 ** Have a drink, have a drive **
1529 01:22:15 ** Go out and seewhat you can find **
1530 01:22:19 ** We're no threat, people **
1531 01:22:21 ** We're not dirty,we're not mean **
1532 01:22:23 ** We love everybody, but we do as weplease, when the weather's fine **
1533 01:22:27 ** We go fishing or go sailingin the sea **
1534 01:22:31 ** We're always happy **
1535 01:22:33 ** Life's for livin',yeah, that's our philosophy... **
1536 01:22:35 ** Dah, dah-dah, dah, dah... **
1537 01:22:39 - Tough luck, Ralphie boy...- Randolph.
1538 01:22:44 Shh. l'm watchingmy stories, man.
1539 01:22:46 ls that whatyou get paid to do?
1540 01:22:48 lt's exactly what l getpaid to do.
1541 01:22:52 Look, l want to knowwhere Claire is.
1542 01:22:53 She took a bike ridedown to the beach.
1543 01:22:56 With who?
1544 01:22:59 With that fellowfrom the wedding
1545 01:23:01 that everyone seemsto be so fond of.
1546 01:23:09 So you're a venturecapitalist?
1547 01:23:12 What does that mean?
1548 01:23:14 Oh, it's really not thatinteresting, actually.
1549 01:23:18 You don't soundvery enthused.
1550 01:23:20 Oh, no, it's just--
1551 01:23:22 you know, thingsstarted happening
1552 01:23:24 and you go down a roadand you think
1553 01:23:26 it's justfor a little while.
1554 01:23:28 And then you getcaught up in it
1555 01:23:30 and you'rekind of into it
1556 01:23:32 and just don'teven have time
1557 01:23:35 to really ask questions about it.And before you know it
1558 01:23:38 you're living a life that you didn't setout to, or that you intended to.
1559 01:23:42 Do you knowwhat l mean?
1560 01:23:44 Yes, l do.
1561 01:23:49 l think that there'ssome great things
1562 01:23:51 that l'd like to do,
1563 01:23:53 that-that maybe l'mcapable of, hopefully.
1564 01:23:55 Oh, yeah?Like what?
1565 01:23:57 l don't know.
1566 01:23:59 We'll see.l'm still young.
1567 01:24:03 Well...
1568 01:24:06 you're notthat young.
1569 01:24:11 l'm sorry.
1570 01:24:14 Give me your hands.
1571 01:24:16 l know this game.Okay.
1572 01:24:17 l'm not gonna bite you.
1573 01:24:22 Do you want it full speedor half speed?
1574 01:24:24 Full.
1575 01:24:28 You're never gonna hit me,l don't think.
1576 01:24:30 l'm pretty quick.
1577 01:24:33 What?
1578 01:24:35 - Let me get settled before you go.- You didn't approve of that?
1579 01:24:37 No, becauseyou're supposed to--
1580 01:24:40 You gotta waituntil l put them back!
1581 01:24:42 Come on!
1582 01:24:45 So what about you...with Sack?
1583 01:24:48 ls that a good thing?
1584 01:24:50 Yes, l think it'sa... good thing.
1585 01:24:55 You don't soundvery enthused.
1586 01:24:57 l am.
1587 01:24:59 l-- well, l mean,l think l am, l--
1588 01:25:03 l'm--
1589 01:25:06 Okay.
1590 01:25:08 l g-- you know,we've just been
1591 01:25:10 talking so muchabout the future lately
1592 01:25:13 and, uh... l mean, l always assumedthat we would get married.
1593 01:25:17 But, uh...
1594 01:25:21 l'm scared.
1595 01:25:23 l am.
1596 01:25:27 But l think thatthat's how everyone feels
1597 01:25:29 before they're about to get married.l mean,
1598 01:25:31 don't you think?
1599 01:25:33 Yeah, no.Don't answer that.
1600 01:25:35 That's my rationalizationand l'm sticking to it.
1601 01:25:38 Fair enough.
1602 01:25:41 And l don't mean to pry.
1603 01:25:43 Yes you do.
1604 01:25:51 Well, however it works out,l hope you--
1605 01:25:55 uh, l hope you realize
1606 01:25:58 that you deservesomebody great.
1607 01:26:35 l have an announcement.
1608 01:26:40 l know that we saidwe were gonna wait, but, uh,
1609 01:26:44 given the spiritof this weekend
1610 01:26:46 well...
1611 01:26:47 Claire, come on.
1612 01:26:50 Come on.Come on come on, it's okay.
1613 01:26:52 Come on! Come on.
1614 01:27:03 Claire and l aregetting married.
1615 01:27:06 Good, Sack.That's wonderful!
1616 01:27:11 - Wonderful.- Wonderful!
1617 01:27:15 Way to go, man!Way to go!
1618 01:27:17 Claire bear,you never told me!
1619 01:27:19 Two of the greatAmerican families.
1620 01:27:21 - Claire, you took us all by surprise!- Yeah.
1621 01:27:24 - Yeah.- You're good! You're good!
1622 01:27:27 Can-can you justgive me one minute?
1623 01:27:30 - Yeah!- Okay.
1624 01:27:32 Great.
1625 01:27:34 Congratulations,young man!
1626 01:27:35 - Welcome to the family!- This is wonderful!
1627 01:27:37 Look, kid, l'm sorry.You win some, you lose some, right?
1628 01:27:40 - Let's go home.- No, l'm not--
1629 01:27:42 - l can't-- l can't do that.- What are you talking about?
1630 01:27:44 Look, l-l thinkl'm in love with her.
1631 01:27:46 Yeah, l-l-l think--l think that you're nuts.
1632 01:27:49 That's what l think.
1633 01:27:51 l'm gonna tell herthe truth.
1634 01:27:53 Jesus Christ!
1635 01:27:59 - Hey.- Hey!
1636 01:28:01 How are you!
1637 01:28:04 Okay, listen, Gloria,you know that l think
1638 01:28:07 that you're an amazing person,a really amazing person,
1639 01:28:09 but l feel like l haveto be upfront with you.
1640 01:28:12 l-l-l really don't see this relationshipgoing further than this weekend.
1641 01:28:14 But l love you!
1642 01:28:17 Yeah, l think you'll learnas time goes on
1643 01:28:19 that there's a difference
1644 01:28:21 between infatuationand love, you know?
1645 01:28:23 Obviously, you're gonna havestrong feelings for me
1646 01:28:26 because you lostyour virginity to me,
1647 01:28:28 - but that doesn't mean--- Oh, l wasn't a virgin.
1648 01:28:32 - What?- l wasn't a virgin.
1649 01:28:35 Far from it.
1650 01:28:37 l just thought that that's what guyswanted to hear.
1651 01:28:43 Come on.
1652 01:28:46 Jeremy!
1653 01:28:50 Wow!
1654 01:28:56 Hello, son.
1655 01:28:58 - You okay?- Not now, Father, please.
1656 01:29:01 No offense to you,
1657 01:29:04 l think we might beon different wavelengths.
1658 01:29:06 l think you'd just bespinning your wheels with me,
1659 01:29:08 but, uh, have a littleof the sacrament here.
1660 01:29:11 No one likes to drink alone.We'll set you up.
1661 01:29:13 There you go, get your hands on it.Take it while it's hot.
1662 01:29:16 Take it while it's hot. l'm gonna pourtill it's on the tray. Here it is.
1663 01:29:22
1664 01:29:25
1665 01:29:29
1666 01:29:31
1667 01:29:33
1668 01:29:35
1669 01:29:37
1670 01:29:40
1671 01:29:41
1672 01:29:44
1673 01:29:46
1674 01:29:49
1675 01:30:03 l mean, l believedthat she was a virgin.
1676 01:30:05 lt hurts to be liedto like that.
1677 01:30:07 lt's a horrible feelingto feel that way.
1678 01:30:09 But l, you know, was lookingto take advantage of something, too.
1679 01:30:11 So could l reallyfeel that bad?
1680 01:30:14 lt's not like l was who l was.You know what l'm saying? So, fair play.
1681 01:30:16 And let's be honestwith each other here, okay?
1682 01:30:19 Let's put all the cards on the table.She's fit for a straitjacket.
1683 01:30:22 This broad's fuckedthree ways towards the weekend.
1684 01:30:24 And you wanna know what?l dig it! lt turns me on!
1685 01:30:26 Yeah!lt turns me on!
1686 01:30:28 Because you wanna knowwhat the kicker is, Father?
1687 01:30:30 Maybe l'm a littlefucking crazy!
1688 01:30:32 That's right!Maybe Jeremy's a little nuts.
1689 01:30:34 Maybe there's something about methat l'm a little cuckoo.
1690 01:30:36 l know it's a surprise.l know it's not on the surface.
1691 01:30:38 l mean, l had an imaginary friendwhen l was a kid. His name was Shilo!
1692 01:30:41 We used to play checkerswith each other every day,
1693 01:30:43 and bless his heart,Shilo'd always let me win!
1694 01:30:48 And that ain't normal!There's something odd in that,
1695 01:30:50 but maybe that's what it takesto make you feel
1696 01:30:52 like you're connected with somebody.l don't know!
1697 01:30:54 But l know when that redheadstarts getting kooky
1698 01:30:56 that something about mefeels alive inside!
1699 01:30:59 l'm diggin' talkin' with ya.You're a really enlightened cat
1700 01:31:01 and l like that about ya.l think you're a special special man.
1701 01:31:05 Okay, come infor the real thing.
1702 01:31:07 - Mmm? Mmm?- Get in here for the real thing.
1703 01:31:09 l love ya.You're a sweet man.
1704 01:31:11 Oh, dear God.
1705 01:31:28 You can't marry this guy.
1706 01:31:31 Why?
1707 01:31:33 Because l've fallenfor you.
1708 01:31:43 Oh, good newstravels fast.
1709 01:31:46 Excuse me.
1710 01:31:48 Sorry, thanks.Thanks.
1711 01:31:52 Trapster, talk to me.
1712 01:31:55 No shit.
1713 01:32:01 And do you maybe feelthe same way?
1714 01:32:03 Maybe.
1715 01:32:05 Maybe. That's alll needed to know.
1716 01:32:08 But this is crazy,because l don't know any--
1717 01:32:11 - Why?- l don't know anything about you!
1718 01:32:13 - What do you mean?- You do investments in New Hampshire
1719 01:32:16 and you have a crazy brother--
1720 01:32:19 Well, actually, l need to talk to you aboutthat. lt's not a big deal,
1721 01:32:21 but maybe you wantto sit back on the swing.
1722 01:32:25 Run!
1723 01:32:27 Johnny! She's tryingto kill me!
1724 01:32:30 - Grandma!- Whoa whoa!
1725 01:32:31 - Get the gun from her!- Put the gun down!
1726 01:32:34 - Mother, stop!- This is the real world, lady!
1727 01:32:36 You can't just goshooting people on a whim!
1728 01:32:40 - What did you do?- l told you that in confidence!
1729 01:32:45 - That was a confession!- What are you talking about?
1730 01:32:49 Why don't youtell her, John?
1731 01:32:51 - l don't know what's going on.- You don't know?
1732 01:32:55 - l'm playing catch up, too.- l don't--
1733 01:32:56 - Sack, what are you doing?!- Remembering yet?
1734 01:32:59 - You remember yet?- Are you okay?
1735 01:33:01 They're not who they saythey are, Claire.
1736 01:33:03 - Those aren't even their real names.- What?!
1737 01:33:05 No, everything he told youis a lie.
1738 01:33:07 l-l don't understandwhat you're saying.
1739 01:33:09 Claire, they crash weddings.
1740 01:33:10 They crash weddingsso that they can sleep with girls.
1741 01:33:12 Everything that they have told usis a complete fabrication.
1742 01:33:16 No, you're joking.
1743 01:33:18 All of it is a lie.Don't you fucking get up.
1744 01:33:20 - Sack, will you just stop?!- Okay okay.
1745 01:33:22 ls that true?
1746 01:33:24 No, well, no, it's--not entirely.
1747 01:33:25 No, it's a yes or noquestion.
1748 01:33:28 l know,but it's complicated.
1749 01:33:30 Yes or no?
1750 01:33:37 Yes or no?
1751 01:33:38 Yes...
1752 01:33:42 - with shades of grey.- Oh.
1753 01:33:47 l'm not perfect,
1754 01:33:49 but who are we kidding?Neither are you.
1755 01:33:53 And you wanna know what?l dig it!
1756 01:33:55 Jeremy triedto seduce me!
1757 01:33:58 You did?
1758 01:34:01 l want mypainting back.
1759 01:34:03 The painting wasa gift, Todd.
1760 01:34:05 l'm taking it with me.
1761 01:34:08 You had me going, son.
1762 01:34:10 l thought it wassomething special.
1763 01:34:12 There's a ferryleaving in 10 minutes.
1764 01:34:15 l suggestyou be on it.
1765 01:34:19 Come on, let's go.
1766 01:34:23 l want you.
1767 01:34:24 l love you.
1768 01:34:28 He made a foolout of you, Claire.
1769 01:34:35 Come on, let's go.
1770 01:34:40 Sweetheart.
1771 01:35:21 Now bunch those panties upinto a little ball.
1772 01:35:25 Put that little ballright in your mouth.
1773 01:35:27 - Oh, that's good.- Hang up the phone.
1774 01:35:29 Okay, and l will definitely call youback later then.
1775 01:35:32 - Come on, wrap it up.- Talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry.
1776 01:35:35 What the fuck?You can't knock anymore?
1777 01:35:37 - l know how l can get to her.- What?
1778 01:35:39 l know how l canget to Claire.
1779 01:35:41 Oh, John, you gottadrop this thing.
1780 01:35:44 l'm-- l can't do thisanymore with you, okay?
1781 01:35:46 lt's been several months,and you haven't heard anything from her.
1782 01:35:49 She hasn't returnedyour phone calls,
1783 01:35:50 she's never respondedto one of your letters,
1784 01:35:52 - she didn't respond to the candygram.- Right.
1785 01:35:54 God knows what happenedto the little kitten that you got her.
1786 01:35:56 Because she didn't keep it and l knowyou're not raising that goddamn thing.
1787 01:35:59 - Okay.- l think it's very obvious
1788 01:36:01 at this juncture that she just flat outdoes not wanna see you.
1789 01:36:05 l disagree. Now look, they're havingthe engagement party
1790 01:36:08 for her tonight at the beach club.We're going at 7:30.
1791 01:36:10 l'm not g--John, l can't--
1792 01:36:13 Okay okay, listen to me,Tasmanian devil.
1793 01:36:16 - Listen to me. l can't go.- Why?
1794 01:36:19 'Cause l can't go, because l havea schedule. Because l have--
1795 01:36:23 What is your deal?What is your problem?
1796 01:36:25 For the past couple of monthsyou've been a ghost.
1797 01:36:28 l can't find you anyplace,and now l come to you with an idea,
1798 01:36:31 l put myself on the line,you shoot it down with your negativity.
1799 01:36:33 Your goddamn negativity!l don't need it! l'm an idea man.
1800 01:36:36 l thrive on enthusiasm. Don't takethe wind out of my sails. l need you.
1801 01:36:40 Buddy, you knowl love you,
1802 01:36:42 and l hate to see youlike this,
1803 01:36:44 but we gotta lookat reality here.
1804 01:36:46 There's gonna be Secret Serviceat this thing. They have pictures of us.
1805 01:36:49 There's not a shot in hellwe can get into this thing.
1806 01:36:51 You're so cautious.l'm more of a risk taker.
1807 01:36:53 l'm two steps ahead of youand 10 steps ahead of Secret Service.
1808 01:36:57 Oh, yeah. 46 extra long,baba ganoush special.
1809 01:37:02 We're waiters!
1810 01:37:03 Buddy, for your own good,you gotta let this thing go.
1811 01:37:06 Now, l'm gonnameet you there at 7:30, okay?
1812 01:37:09 Okay.
1813 01:37:24 - Hey, how do l look?- Good, man.
1814 01:37:26 - Good.- Where's your friend?
1815 01:37:28 Late, as usual.ls Claire--
1816 01:37:30 - Oh, she's looking fine!- Okay.
1817 01:37:55 Next thing you knowthey pick me up,
1818 01:37:57 put me on the topof this mountain
1819 01:37:59 and they start chanting,and l realized
1820 01:38:01 they thought l was God!
1821 01:38:05 And l'll tell you something,l thought l was too.
1822 01:38:08 Claire.
1823 01:38:09 Let's dance.
1824 01:38:38 You!
1825 01:38:56 Okay, Sackmaster,
1826 01:38:58 one more.We should get back to the bar.
1827 01:38:59 You're right.
1828 01:39:05 You get nearmy fiancee again,
1829 01:39:08 l'll kill ya.
1830 01:39:18 Did you check outthe rack on that bartender?
1831 01:39:21 Hey, you're the Sack.She'll come to you.
1832 01:39:23 Oh my God, yeah, she will.You're right.
1833 01:39:48 Hey!
1834 01:39:49 ** Everyone who's anyonewas there... **
1835 01:39:52 - God damn it.- ** They all had something to share **
1836 01:39:54 ** About so-and-soand on and on **
1837 01:39:57 ** l'm in the cornerspeechless... **
1838 01:40:03 Perfect.
1839 01:40:07 Johnny, wait a second.
1840 01:40:09 Come on, John!
1841 01:40:11 Oh, what time is it?
1842 01:40:13 John, will you wait a secondso l can talk to you?
1843 01:40:16 Hold on, man.
1844 01:40:18 Will you stop? Stop--l'm not gonna chase you
1845 01:40:20 down the wholefucking street, man.
1846 01:40:22 Hold on a second.Let me talk to you for a second here.
1847 01:40:24 About what?About how you left me high and dry
1848 01:40:26 - to get my ass kicked by Sack again?- Sack did that to you?
1849 01:40:28 And how long have you beensneaking around with Gloria
1850 01:40:30 - behind my back?- l wanted to tell you about Gloria.
1851 01:40:32 l tried to.l didn't know how.
1852 01:40:34 And l'm sorry that you hadto find out this way.
1853 01:40:37 l'll level with you.
1854 01:40:39 l care about her a lot.
1855 01:40:42 l love her.
1856 01:40:44 What?!
1857 01:40:47 You're unbelievable!Judas!
1858 01:40:48 Rule #5.You're an idiot.
1859 01:40:53 You're wrong to pull outthe rulebook on this.
1860 01:40:55 There was never any rules about this.What's the rule
1861 01:40:57 about walking away? Never walk awayon a crasher in a funny jacket.
1862 01:41:00 Rule #115.
1863 01:41:03 You're an asshole.
1864 01:41:08 ** l'm awake **
1865 01:41:10 ** You're still sleeping **
1866 01:41:15 ** The sun will rise **
1867 01:41:17 ** Like yesterday **
1868 01:41:22 ** Everything **
1869 01:41:24 ** That we are now **
1870 01:41:29 ** ls everything **
1871 01:41:32 ** We can't let go **
1872 01:41:35 ** lt's gone forever... **
1873 01:41:41 This is John.
1874 01:41:43 Whatever.
1875 01:41:45 Hey, John, it's Jeremy.
1876 01:41:46 Uh, just calling to seewhat you're up to, uh...
1877 01:41:50 would love to hearback from you, man.
1878 01:41:52 Play sharp.
1879 01:41:56 And we'll do the weddingin peaches and apricots.
1880 01:41:57 Even though it's a June wedding,should the weather turn nasty,
1881 01:42:00 warm colors willreally help you.
1882 01:42:05 ** Don't you go away tomorrow... **
1883 01:42:09 Johnny.
1884 01:42:14 Johnny, open up, man.
1885 01:42:16 Does anyone ever feellike they're just...
1886 01:42:19 disappearing?
1887 01:42:20 l feel so muchlike giving up.
1888 01:42:29 Yeah!
1889 01:42:34 Get it?!
1890 01:42:36 Put your hands outlike this.
1891 01:42:38 - Claire.- Please.
1892 01:42:43 Hi.Thanks for coming.
1893 01:42:47 - Hey!- Get off her, man! What are you doing?
1894 01:42:50 You're supposedto move your hands.
1895 01:42:53 You're not gettingenough attention?
1896 01:42:57 Love doesn't exist!
1897 01:42:59 That's what l'm tryingto tell you guys.
1898 01:43:01 And l'm notpicking on love,
1899 01:43:02 'cause l don't thinkfriendship exists either.
1900 01:43:08 Hey! Yeah!
1901 01:43:17 Are you okay?Get up, buddy.
1902 01:43:20 Move it on.
1903 01:43:23 Gloria, l've been doing a lotof soul-searching lately,
1904 01:43:26 and l-l thinkthat l'm ready
1905 01:43:28 to take, um,this relationship,
1906 01:43:31 our relationshipto the next level.
1907 01:43:33 To what the next levelof the-- of the--
1908 01:43:35 of the relationshipwould be.
1909 01:43:37 - Jeremy!- ls that good?
1910 01:43:40 l'm so ready to takeit to the next level too.
1911 01:43:42 Do you want to watch mewith a girl?
1912 01:43:43 What about those Brazilian twinswe met at the ballgame?
1913 01:43:48 l-l was-- l was--l was thinking
1914 01:43:50 more along the lines of an-- of an--of an engagement.
1915 01:43:53 But that sounds terrific.That sounds-- that sounds unbelievable.
1916 01:43:56 The Brazilian girls were very nice.They seemed like--
1917 01:43:58 Oh, Jeremy, l do!
1918 01:44:01 - l love you.- l love you.
1919 01:44:03 l-l can't believe thatthey're getting married.
1920 01:44:06 l mean don't you-you thinkthat's really soon?
1921 01:44:09 Well, you know Gloria.She's impetuous.
1922 01:44:12 Has to have what she wantswhen she wants it.
1923 01:44:13 Well, we had to give hera Sweet 16
1924 01:44:17 on her 1 3th birthday.You remember that.
1925 01:44:20 Yeah, l remember,but this is--
1926 01:44:22 Dad, this is marriage!
1927 01:44:24 When you know what you want,you know what you want.
1928 01:44:30 So...
1929 01:44:32 which of thesedo you like?
1930 01:44:37 Um...
1931 01:44:39 well, l could-- l could go with the talltapered arrangement
1932 01:44:43 with, uh, tulipsand freesias and orchids,
1933 01:44:47 or l could gowith a votive
1934 01:44:49 of roses and lilies,l don't know.
1935 01:44:52 - Claire bear.- Yeah?
1936 01:44:56 What's wrong?
1937 01:45:03 Look...
1938 01:45:09 we have no wayof knowing
1939 01:45:11 what lays ahead for usin the future.
1940 01:45:14 All we can do is
1941 01:45:17 use the informationat hand
1942 01:45:19 to make the bestdecision possible.
1943 01:45:25 lt's gonna be fine.
1944 01:45:27 - Your whole life is gonna be fine.- Yeah.
1945 01:45:40 Happy birthday.
1946 01:45:43 Can't let a little pissing and moaningbreak tradition.
1947 01:45:45 Oh right,that's today.
1948 01:45:55 l see you've been gettinginto a little light reading.
1949 01:45:58 That's not mine.l bought that for a friend.
1950 01:46:00 Yeah.
1951 01:46:02 So how have you been?
1952 01:46:03 - Great. Really spectacular.- Good.
1953 01:46:05 - What have you been up to?- Eh, you know,
1954 01:46:07 this and that.Crashing weddings.
1955 01:46:09 - Alone?- No, not alone.
1956 01:46:12 Well, who have you beencrashing with then?
1957 01:46:14 Chaz.
1958 01:46:16 - Chaz?- Chaz.
1959 01:46:18 - John, you don't even know Chaz--- Yes, l do.
1960 01:46:20 He's a great guy.We've been having a ball together.
1961 01:46:23 All right, look,l wanted to come by here
1962 01:46:26 and tell you that l feel really bad
1963 01:46:28 about everything that's happenedbetween us.
1964 01:46:30 Your friendship meansa lot to me.
1965 01:46:33 l miss seeing you.
1966 01:46:36 l know, l--
1967 01:46:38 look, l'm--l'm happy for you.
1968 01:46:40 l'm gladyou found someone.
1969 01:46:43 l can't tell youhow glad it makes me
1970 01:46:45 to hear yousay that, man.
1971 01:46:47 Get on in here,let the big bear
1972 01:46:49 get his paws on you.You know l love you.
1973 01:46:52 - lt's good to see you.- Good to see you.
1974 01:46:54 Are you sure you've been--this does not look like a guy
1975 01:46:56 - who's been okay.- Oh, l know.
1976 01:46:58 - lt's like a pigsty.- lt's like a mosh pit in here.
1977 01:47:01 Listen,l'm getting married.
1978 01:47:02 - Get out.- What?
1979 01:47:04 You just sat there and said that youwere happy for me, that l'm--
1980 01:47:07 l'm hanging by a thread.l'm reading don't-kill-myself books.
1981 01:47:10 - You said that the book wasn't yours.- Don't worry about the book.
1982 01:47:12 lt isn't mine,but l glanced at it.
1983 01:47:17 John, you've beenmy friend
1984 01:47:19 for 16 years.l'm getting married.
1985 01:47:21 l need you thereto be my best man.
1986 01:47:23 Kindly leave!
1987 01:47:25 - l'm try--- Kindly leave.
1988 01:47:36 Would mean a lot to meif you came.
1989 01:47:38 Oh, l bet it would,hillbilly.
1990 01:47:40 What?!
1991 01:47:42 - White trash!- What are you talking about?
1992 01:47:44 Out! Out!
1993 01:47:46 You better get your assto that wedding.
1994 01:48:01 - Yeah?- Hi, is Chaz here?
1995 01:48:05 Chaz, there's someonehere to see you!
1996 01:48:09 Pick up yourfucking skateboard!
1997 01:48:33 Chaz?
1998 01:48:38 What the fuckdo you want?
1999 01:48:40 l'm John Beckwith.
2000 01:48:42 l'm friendswith Jeremy Grey.
2001 01:48:44 God damn it,why didn't you say so?
2002 01:48:47 Come here, brother!Give me a hug.
2003 01:48:50 Bring it infor the real thing!
2004 01:48:55 Have a seat. Yeah.
2005 01:48:59 God damn you!
2006 01:49:01 l almost numbchucked you,you don't even realize.
2007 01:49:03 Ouch!
2008 01:49:06 - Yeah.- Hmm.
2009 01:49:08 - ls this your place?- No. No no no no no.
2010 01:49:10 - No, l live with my Ma.- Oh.
2011 01:49:12 Yeah. You hungry?
2012 01:49:14 Hey, Ma! Can we getsome meatloaf?
2013 01:49:17 Chaz, l think l'm okay.l had a bite
2014 01:49:18 - right before l came over. Thank you.- You sure?
2015 01:49:21 - So, how's my protege?- Jeremy, boy, he--
2016 01:49:24 Yeah, J-bone.
2017 01:49:26 J-bone is-- believe it or not,he's getting married.
2018 01:49:29 What?!
2019 01:49:33 What an idiot!
2020 01:49:36 Oh, what a loser!
2021 01:49:38 Good good!More for me and you.
2022 01:49:42 More for-- more for--
2023 01:49:48 l gotta go.
2024 01:49:49 Hey, babe, yeah.
2025 01:49:51 You do whateveryou have to do.
2026 01:50:05 - Thanks.- Okay, be strong.
2027 01:50:10 l'm justliving the dream!
2028 01:50:16 That's unbelievable.
2029 01:50:19 Oh, man,l feel like, ''Wow!''
2030 01:50:21 lt's like l come over,l don't know what to expect.
2031 01:50:24 l gotta be honest,l come in, it's like,
2032 01:50:26 a little like l'm trying to getmy bearings.
2033 01:50:27 There's cartoons, your mom,and it's like, you still got it!
2034 01:50:30 Look at her!
2035 01:50:32 ''Just living the dream,''l love that!
2036 01:50:35 You know what? l will have somemeatloaf. Let's have some meatloaf.
2037 01:50:37 You want some?
2038 01:50:39 l knew you'd come--Hey, Mom!
2039 01:50:40 The meatloaf!
2040 01:50:42 We want it now!The meatloaf!
2041 01:50:47 What is she doing? l never knowwhat she's doing back there.
2042 01:50:51 ''Just living the dream.''Where did you get that girl?
2043 01:50:53 - She's hot!- l got her yesterday.
2044 01:50:55 - Yesterday?- Yeah.
2045 01:50:57 l rode my bike overto a cemetery nearby.
2046 01:51:00 Her boyfriend just died.
2047 01:51:04 - You met her at a funeral?- Yeah.
2048 01:51:06 The dude diedin a hang-gliding accident.
2049 01:51:08 What an idiot!
2050 01:51:12 ''Oh, l'm hang gliding!
2051 01:51:14 Honey, take a good picture--l'm dead!''
2052 01:51:18 What a freak!
2053 01:51:21 You met her at a funeral.
2054 01:51:24 Yeah, l'll throw in a weddingevery now and then,
2055 01:51:26 but funerals are insane!
2056 01:51:28 The chicks are so horny,it's not even fair.
2057 01:51:31 lt's like fishingwith dynamite.
2058 01:51:33 - Horny?- Yeah, crazy horny.
2059 01:51:37 l just--at a funeral?!
2060 01:51:40 Grief is nature's
2061 01:51:42 most powerful aphrodisiac.
2062 01:51:44 - Huh.- Look it up.
2063 01:51:46 - l didn't know that.- That's what l've learned.
2064 01:51:50 Ma, the meatloaf! Fuck!
2065 01:51:54 Saturday--l got one Saturday.
2066 01:51:56 You're coming with!
2067 01:51:58 Chaz, l'm--l'm sorry, l don't--
2068 01:52:00 l'm not judging you, 'cause l thinkyou're an innovator, but...
2069 01:52:06 there's no wayl'm ready for that.
2070 01:52:09 A time to plant,
2071 01:52:11 and a time to pluck upthat which is planted;
2072 01:52:13 A time to killand a time to heal;
2073 01:52:15 A time to break downand a time to build up;
2074 01:52:19 A time to weep
2075 01:52:21 and a time to laugh;
2076 01:52:28 - A time to cast away stones--- So senseless.
2077 01:52:30 Damn you, Roger.
2078 01:52:35 Roger!
2079 01:52:39 Oh!
2080 01:52:42 Damn you, Roger!
2081 01:52:44 Damn it!Damn you!
2082 01:52:46 l'm in pain.
2083 01:52:48 l'll try to fight it.Try to fight it.
2084 01:52:51 l don't know about you people,but l'm in pain.
2085 01:52:53 l know that thereis no good in them
2086 01:52:55 for man to rejoiceand to do good in his life...
2087 01:53:00 for that which befalleth
2088 01:53:02 the sons of men,befalleth beasts.
2089 01:53:06 Even one thing befalleth,
2090 01:53:08 as the one dieth,so dieth the other.
2091 01:53:12 Yea, they all haveone breath,
2092 01:53:14 so that a man hath no preeminenceabove the beast.
2093 01:53:20 While each man thinkshe knows love,
2094 01:53:22 love, we have learned,is a mystery.
2095 01:53:25 That's what makes today
2096 01:53:28 so special.
2097 01:53:31 We witness two peoplechoosing to marry
2098 01:53:34 ones they truly love.
2099 01:53:46 Whoa whoa, hey!
2100 01:53:47 Hey hey!
2101 01:53:50 He's the best man.
2102 01:53:54 Yeah.
2103 01:53:56 Thank you.
2104 01:54:15 l don't believe this.
2105 01:54:27 Hat in hand.
2106 01:54:29 l'm sorry l'm late.
2107 01:54:30 l'm glad you're here.
2108 01:54:32 And-and l'm sorryl called you white trash.
2109 01:54:36 - l didn't--- John, apology accepted.
2110 01:54:39 And l'm sorry l calledyou a hillbilly,
2111 01:54:41 l don't even knowwhat that meant.
2112 01:54:42 John, it's okay.
2113 01:54:45 Do you mindif l get married now?
2114 01:54:47 No, go ahead.
2115 01:54:49 Hi, Todd.
2116 01:54:54 Although we may choosewhom we marry,
2117 01:54:56 - we don't always choose...- Psst.
2118 01:54:58 Claire, l'm not hereto bother you,
2119 01:55:01 l just came to be his best man.Don't worry about me.
2120 01:55:04 Pretend l'm not here.
2121 01:55:05 Okay.
2122 01:55:07 l'm not a nut.
2123 01:55:12 You look really pretty,by the way.
2124 01:55:14 That's alll'm gonna say.
2125 01:55:18 l can't stopthinking about you.
2126 01:55:20 lt's all l think aboutand l don't know what to do.
2127 01:55:23 - Ahem.- l'm sorry.
2128 01:55:26 That's what makes todayso special...
2129 01:55:29 God, l miss you.
2130 01:55:33 Okay, excuse me,l'm sorry.
2131 01:55:37 Claire, hold on a second.Claire, Claire!
2132 01:55:40 Claire, will you waitjust a second?
2133 01:55:42 All l wanted wasa second alone
2134 01:55:44 so l could tryto explain things.
2135 01:55:47 But l've never gottenthat chance.
2136 01:55:50 Maybe l don't deserve it.
2137 01:55:52 So here goes.
2138 01:55:54 For longer than l careto remember,
2139 01:55:57 my business has beencrashing weddings.
2140 01:55:59 l crashed weddingsto meet girls.
2141 01:56:01 Business was good.
2142 01:56:03 l met a lot of girls.
2143 01:56:06 And it was childish,it was juvenile--
2144 01:56:09 And pathetic.
2145 01:56:11 Yeah, that's probably
2146 01:56:13 the best wordto describe it.
2147 01:56:15 But you know what?lt also led me to you.
2148 01:56:18 So it's hard for meto completely regret it.
2149 01:56:21 And that person that you metback at your folks' place--
2150 01:56:23 that was really me.
2151 01:56:25 Maybe not my name--
2152 01:56:27 l'm John Beckwithby the way-- or my job,
2153 01:56:30 but the feelings we felt
2154 01:56:32 the jokes,the stupid laughs--
2155 01:56:35 that was all me.
2156 01:56:36 l've changed.l've realized something.
2157 01:56:39 l crashed a funeralearlier, and l--
2158 01:56:44 Oh, Jesus.
2159 01:56:46 lt wasn't my idea.
2160 01:56:48 l was basicallydragged to it.
2161 01:56:50 l went with Chaz, who you forgotto tell me is totally insane.
2162 01:56:53 He also might bea genius
2163 01:56:55 because it actually does work.He's cleaning up.
2164 01:56:59 - John.- l'm sorry. l'm sorry, l'm sorry.
2165 01:57:01 That's neither herenor there.
2166 01:57:03 And l see this widowand she's a wreck.
2167 01:57:06 She's just lost the personshe loves the most in this world.
2168 01:57:09 And l realized
2169 01:57:11 we're all gonna losethe people we love.
2170 01:57:13 That's the way it is.
2171 01:57:16 But not me,
2172 01:57:18 not right now.
2173 01:57:20 Because the person l love the mostis standing right here,
2174 01:57:23 and l'm not readyto lose you yet.
2175 01:57:26 Claire, l'm not standing here askingyou to marry me.
2176 01:57:31 l'm just asking you...
2177 01:57:33 not to marry him.
2178 01:57:36 And maybe take a walk.
2179 01:57:38 Take a chance.
2180 01:57:40 Wow!
2181 01:57:42 Wow!
2182 01:57:45 This congregationreally doesn't care
2183 01:57:47 about how depressingyour life is, John, okay?
2184 01:57:50 Claire, baby, could you just--could you go back up on the altar
2185 01:57:52 so we can havea wedding?
2186 01:57:56 l'm sorry.
2187 01:57:58 l am.
2188 01:58:00 What?
2189 01:58:03 l can't marry you.
2190 01:58:10 Secretary...
2191 01:58:11 your daughter's a little--
2192 01:58:16 Sack, l've alwaysliked you...
2193 01:58:20 so l put upwith your stories
2194 01:58:22 about scallopsand otters,
2195 01:58:25 and it's all good
2196 01:58:26 because you seemedto make her happy
2197 01:58:28 and that's what mattersto me most.
2198 01:58:31 But this isher decision.
2199 01:58:34 Huh.
2200 01:58:37 l stand by my daughter.
2201 01:58:39 You don't know shit.
2202 01:58:41 - Claire, go back up on the altar.- No.
2203 01:58:43 Claire! Claire, get upon that altar right now.
2204 01:58:46 - Stop it.- Claire, get your fucking ass
2205 01:58:48 - on that altar right now!- Wow, getting a nice preview
2206 01:58:52 or what marriage is gonna be likewith lke Turner here.
2207 01:58:56 - Sack!- Oh God, here it goes.
2208 01:59:01 Share that withthe Dalai Lama, jackass.
2209 01:59:05 - l think l had him.- l know you did.
2210 01:59:08 Just gokiss the broad.
2211 01:59:21 Would it be a total clicheif l kissed you right now?
2212 01:59:25 Yes.
2213 01:59:36 Just wonderful.
2214 01:59:39 So damn beautiful!
2215 01:59:43 With every deaththere comes rebirth.
2216 01:59:46 lt's the circle of life.
2217 01:59:48 We're gonna beall right.
2218 01:59:51 Hey.
2219 01:59:53 Uh-uh-uh.
2220 02:00:01 Hey.
2221 02:00:03 Uh-uh!
2222 02:00:07 - So, what's next?- l'm starving.
2223 02:00:09 Fujimora wedding,3:00 P.M.
2224 02:00:12 Hey hey.
2225 02:00:13 l'm just throwing it out.l'm just saying, just--
2226 02:00:16 They would havegreat tempura.
2227 02:00:20 We don't even havea back story, l just...
2228 02:00:22 - No, forget it, forget it.- l'm talking out loud.
2229 02:00:26 We're a folk-singing group
2230 02:00:28 - from Salt Lake City!- Yeah!