圣诞前夜 (The Night Before)(CN/EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:56 Here's a little story I'd like to tell...
2 00:00:59 about three best friendsand their first Noel.
3 00:01:03 It begins right before Christmas 2001...
4 00:01:08 when a young man named Ethanbecame an orphan.
5 00:01:11 His mama and papa both tragically gone...
6 00:01:14 it seemed for himChristmas had sung its swan song.
7 00:01:19 As he sat alone on Christmas Eve...
8 00:01:22 his friends came overand forced him to leave.
9 00:01:25 They had to get Ethan out of his funk...
10 00:01:27 so they went to a barand they got his ass drunk.
11 00:01:31 With tears and with sadnessthey started to mend. Then they said:
12 00:01:35 No more crying. This sad shit must end.
13 00:01:38 Christmas was about family,but now it's about friends.
14 00:01:43 Thus began a new tradition.
15 00:01:45 The friends hung on Christmasand fun was their mission.
16 00:01:47 Who's the baddest motherfuckeron Christmas day?
17 00:01:53 You knew.
18 00:01:54 - Boom!- What is it?
19 00:01:56 That shit holds a hundred songsat one time.
20 00:01:59 I got the new Dave Matthews downloaded.
21 00:02:00 Oh, yeah. Ricky Martin.
22 00:02:02 That guy slays ass.
23 00:02:04 They chilled with each other,did all sorts of stuff.
24 00:02:08 They drank many drinks,they fucked shit up.
25 00:02:10 Light his dick.
26 00:02:18 Then one fateful night, 2008...
27 00:02:20 they realized that Christmascan be even more great.
28 00:02:23 That eve at the bar,they saw quite a sight.
29 00:02:26 Fellow seekers of joyhaving one crazy night.
30 00:02:29 And there was a woman, so pretty to all.
31 00:02:32 They worked up the courage,proceeded to call.
32 00:02:35 - Excuse me.- Ethan said. And she turned with a fright.
33 00:02:38 Where were you guys partyingearlier tonight?
34 00:02:41 At a place so greatwords cannot describe...
35 00:02:44 with so many drinks for one to imbibe.
36 00:02:46 With so many drugs,I can't believe I survived.
37 00:02:49 What the fuck...
38 00:02:50 Ethan asked.
39 00:02:52 ...is this party called?
40 00:02:54 Why, you haven't heard?
41 00:02:55 It's the Nutcracker Ball.
42 00:02:58 They asked all around, but to no avail.
43 00:03:01 Where was this great party,this whitest of whales?
44 00:03:05 And though year upon yearthey tried and they failed...
45 00:03:08 they never did tire, they never did bail.
46 00:03:11 But over time, the fun did wane.
47 00:03:14 One friend had a family,the other had fame.
48 00:03:18 As the years passed,his boys, they grew up.
49 00:03:21 But it seems our boy Ethanis just a little bit stuck.
50 00:03:29 What's up, buddy? No?
51 00:03:32 All right. You guys want any of this?
52 00:03:34 - No, thank you.- Cool.
53 00:03:35 Keep it moving. There you go.
54 00:03:38 Yes, good.
55 00:03:39 Wait. No, no, no. What are you doing?
56 00:03:41 No one was eating this tuna,so I thought...
57 00:03:44 No, no, no. You don't get tomake those executive decisions, elf.
58 00:03:46 How old are you?
59 00:03:48 - Thirty-three.- Thirty-three.
60 00:03:51 Thirty-three years old, and you're an elf.
61 00:03:52 And you don't even know how to be an elf.
62 00:03:55 Show me the elf face.
63 00:03:58 It's happy. It's eager.
64 00:04:00 More whimsical.
65 00:04:02 Whimsy. Determined, though.
66 00:04:05 - There you go! That's it!- That was it.
67 00:04:07 That's why you're coming back herewith a full tray.
68 00:04:09 I'm gonna move you to coat check.This is your last chance.
69 00:04:12 And the whole time,I wanna see that elf face.
70 00:04:16 Starting now.
71 00:04:18 Go.
72 00:04:20 Go.
73 00:04:24 These two are together.No, gotta take the ticket.
74 00:04:28 Hi. Just you, sir?
75 00:04:30 Great. This is your ticket.Please try not to lose it.
76 00:04:32 This is a very expensive coat,so take care of it.
77 00:04:35 Absolutely, sir.
78 00:04:37 Here, ticket. Okay, this one.
79 00:04:39 Yeah.
80 00:04:41 Yeah. Great.
81 00:04:43 Hi. Merry Christmas, sir.
82 00:05:01 Hey, what are you doing?
83 00:05:03 Nothing.
84 00:05:07 I'm gonna be right back.
85 00:05:08 Now, where are you going?
86 00:05:09 I'm sick. Sick.
87 00:05:27 Congratulations. You're about tohave the best night of your life.
88 00:05:30 You will learn valuable lessons,be filled with Christmas cheer...
89 00:05:33 and probably get laid.
90 00:05:35 We will release the location of our partyat 10 p.m.
91 00:05:38 Merry Christmas.
92 00:06:00 Yeah, I know, Ma. I'm sorry,but I have to stay here and work hard.
93 00:06:04 How you think I'm havingsuch an amazing season?
94 00:06:07 I love you too. Merry Christmas.
95 00:06:09 Bye.
96 00:06:15 What's up, fellas? How's it going, man?
97 00:06:17 Good to see you, baby. Merry Christmas.
98 00:06:19 You wanna take a picture, man?Let's do it.
99 00:06:21 Just leave it!
100 00:06:26 If you're not Christian, what are you?
101 00:06:29 I'm Jewish.
102 00:06:30 Is that why you look different?
103 00:06:32 What was that? Come again.
104 00:06:33 You just look funny.
105 00:06:36 I look funny?
106 00:06:37 You ever see The Shining?
107 00:06:41 - Isaac?- Yo!
108 00:06:42 What are you telling them?
109 00:06:43 I'm just talking to your lovely daughtersas though they are adults.
110 00:06:47 From a cognitive level,if you speak to kids like they're adults...
111 00:06:50 it will make them more curious,it will open up their minds to more things.
112 00:06:53 - He's gonna be a great father.- Yeah.
113 00:06:55 I just hope we have kidsas beautiful as you girls.
114 00:06:59 I'm sorry.
115 00:07:01 Sweeties, just come help Mommyin the kitchen.
116 00:07:02 - Are you okay? You want a hug?- That's okay.
117 00:07:04 Okay.
118 00:07:06 - Gosh, I am such a fucking piece of shit.- No, you're not at all.
119 00:07:09 I'm the worst mom.I'm gonna be terrible.
120 00:07:10 No. Don't say that.
121 00:07:12 What if I screw this up?
122 00:07:13 You won't. Studies show your maternalinstincts really kick in in the last month.
123 00:07:16 I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.
124 00:07:17 It's fine. I love you so much. Okay?
125 00:07:19 I love you too.
126 00:07:22 Bets, look who it is.
127 00:07:24 Ethan!
128 00:07:25 Merry Christmas.
129 00:07:26 Oh, my God! You look so big!
130 00:07:28 - No.- No?
131 00:07:30 You don't knowa lot of pregnant women, do you?
132 00:07:32 - I meant the baby.- No, I look really big.
133 00:07:34 You look great,and the baby's probably cramped...
134 00:07:36 - inside of your small, fit body.- Thank you. No, that's enough.
135 00:07:38 - Just shut up. It's all good. It's fine.- I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
136 00:07:41 She looks beautiful.
137 00:07:42 - You want a drink?- Sure.
138 00:07:43 Do you want a drink, honey?
139 00:07:45 I'm okay right now.
140 00:07:46 Really?
141 00:07:47 Yeah. I'm kinda on call.Gotta keep my head on straight.
142 00:07:51 - But you're gonna drink tonight?- Yeah. For sure.
143 00:07:52 - Because I'm already kinda drunk.- I can tell.
144 00:07:54 - Okay. That's Chris.- Yeah.
145 00:07:57 Everybody, look who it is!
146 00:07:59 Merry Christmas, blessed Kwanzaa,happy Hanukkah!
147 00:08:03 Hey, man. How's it going?
148 00:08:06 Look at this! Oh, my God!
149 00:08:08 I couldn't even tell you were pregnanttill I saw you from the side.
150 00:08:11 Look how tiny you are!
151 00:08:12 That's so nice of you to say.
152 00:08:14 That is how you talk to a pregnant woman.
153 00:08:17 It's amazing. You've had the seasonof a lifetime. Congratulations, man.
154 00:08:20 - Congrats.- Thanks, man.
155 00:08:21 Got a new workout, new diet,new paleo thing I've been doing.
156 00:08:25 I've heard about that. And it works?
157 00:08:27 It rips you up. If you see me naked,it'll blow your mind.
158 00:08:30 I'd love to.
159 00:08:34 Kick ass.
160 00:08:41 Really can't believewe're doing this again this year.
161 00:08:43 I was done a few years ago,to be totally honest.
162 00:08:46 We're like those kidswho won't stop trick-or-treating.
163 00:08:47 Eventually, they come to your door,you're like, "Eh."
164 00:08:50 "No candy for you."
165 00:08:51 "Pack it in, kid."
166 00:08:53 - But this is it. This is the last Christmas.- Last time. Right?
167 00:08:55 - Is he cool with it?- Yeah, I think so.
168 00:08:57 He looks happy right now, right?
169 00:08:59 I'm just saying,we're enabling him at this point.
170 00:09:01 We're not helping himget over his own problems.
171 00:09:04 On a psychological level, that's not good.
172 00:09:06 I've made a decision.
173 00:09:07 For a Christmas present tonight,I'm gonna take him under my wing.
174 00:09:09 I'm gonna help himand get him out of this rut.
175 00:09:11 It's a conversation we've been avoidingfor 10 years, actually.
176 00:09:13 I know.
177 00:09:14 Just do it easy.
178 00:09:16 I'm going all in.
179 00:09:17 - Don't go all in.- Balls and all.
180 00:09:27 Have fun.
181 00:09:28 Take good care of my husband, all right?I like him.
182 00:09:30 We will.
183 00:09:32 Hey, Bets, tell Diana I said hello.
184 00:09:34 Yeah, no.
185 00:09:35 No, no. Merry Christmas.
186 00:09:37 Bye-bye.
187 00:09:39 - Congratulations.- Good to see you.
188 00:09:41 - Luckiest guy in the Park.- I sure am. Bye.
189 00:09:43 Can I talk to you for a second real quick?
190 00:09:44 What? We're not doing gifts now, are we?
191 00:09:46 No, we're doing them tomorrow, butthis one I'm pretty sure you'll want tonight.
192 00:09:50 - What is it?- You have been such a rock...
193 00:09:53 throughout this whole pregnancy.
194 00:09:55 You're like my Dwayne Johnson.
195 00:09:57 Thank you.
196 00:09:58 It's Christmas now,and we've almost made it...
197 00:10:00 and you deserve this.So Merry Christmas.
198 00:10:03 Is it cologne?
199 00:10:04 No.
200 00:10:09 Holy shit!
201 00:10:11 It's every single drug in the whole world.
202 00:10:14 Why are you giving this to me?
203 00:10:16 You've been so focusedon me and the baby...
204 00:10:18 and tonight I thinkyou should just focus on yourself.
205 00:10:20 Go out there, get fucking wild, you know?
206 00:10:23 Is this cocaine? I haven't done cocainefor 11 years, I don't think.
207 00:10:27 No one has, I don't think.
208 00:10:28 That's amazing.Where did you get all this shit?
209 00:10:30 - Craigslist.- You got it from Craigslist?
210 00:10:32 I just typed in the search "NYC drugs."
211 00:10:34 Really resourceful of you.
212 00:10:35 It's your last Christmas together,so have fun. Enjoy it.
213 00:10:38 - Thank you so much.- Yeah. I love you.
214 00:10:40 This is so great.I'll have my phone with me.
215 00:10:42 I'll be home pretty early, I think.Okay. I love you.
216 00:10:48 What?
217 00:10:50 What the fuck is this?
218 00:10:52 This is the Red Bull Limousine, fellas.
219 00:10:54 You are now looking at the faceand body of Red Bull.
220 00:10:57 Wow! Congratulations, man!
221 00:11:00 Right? Since this is our final Christmas,I figured we could do it in class.
222 00:11:03 Seriously, this is what the spiritof Christmas is all about.
223 00:11:05 A rich athlete finally gettingthe corporate limo that he always wanted.
224 00:11:08 - Exactly!- I think so.
225 00:11:10 Let's go, get in.You gotta see this. Come on.
226 00:11:12 Cool!
227 00:11:14 Yo, it's the Red Bull Limo, guys!
228 00:11:17 All right.
229 00:11:18 Yo! What's up, everybody?
230 00:11:20 This your man, C-Rob.
231 00:11:21 We in the Red Bull Limo.
232 00:11:22 And we Dom P'in it, we have Cristal in it,Hennythuggin' it...
233 00:11:26 and we got Red Bull!
234 00:11:28 I'm capturing thison my Sony Xperia Ultra phone.
235 00:11:32 No matter what the light,the picture's right. All right?
236 00:11:35 This your man, Chris Rob, coming at you.
237 00:11:37 What happening? Peace!
238 00:11:38 Peace!
239 00:11:41 And, Internet.
240 00:11:42 - His social media game is crazy.- On point.
241 00:11:45 - Really on point, yeah.- On point.
242 00:11:46 Five million peopleprobably just saw that.
243 00:11:49 Hey there.
244 00:11:50 Didn't wanna interruptwhile you guys were rolling back there.
245 00:11:54 Great video, by the way.I just watched it.
246 00:11:55 That was fast.
247 00:11:57 My name's Joshua. I'm gonna be yourRed Bull-provided driver for the evening.
248 00:12:00 First stop: Rockefeller Center, right?
249 00:12:02 - Great, thank you, Josh.- Raise partition.
250 00:12:04 Nice meeting you, Josh.
251 00:12:05 I'm doing the hang-loose thing too much.
252 00:12:07 Yeah, yeah, yeah.We'll call you. There we go.
253 00:12:09 Check out what Betsy gave me.
254 00:12:11 It's a bunch of drugs.We eat a little 'shrooms...
255 00:12:14 to kinda trip out a little bit,look at the lights, all the sparkly lights.
256 00:12:17 Let's start with the champagne.
257 00:12:18 Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah!
258 00:12:22 Aim it out the window,aim it out the window!
259 00:12:33 - So what's up, E? How's life, man?- Life is good!
260 00:12:35 - Yeah?- Yeah, dude.
261 00:12:37 How's the music going?Any gigs coming up?
262 00:12:39 Not gigs, but gigs are overrated, dude.
263 00:12:41 People are just on their phonesthe whole time.
264 00:12:43 - You know what I mean?- Totally, yeah.
265 00:12:44 The thing I'm working on now...
266 00:12:45 you really have to listen to itstart to finish. It's a concept album.
267 00:12:48 What's the concept?
268 00:12:49 I'm still conceptualizingthat part of it...
269 00:12:52 - but it's all about who you know...- C-Rob, will you sign this?
270 00:12:53 - ...more than anything.- Wait up, wait up.
271 00:12:54 How's it going? Hey, merry Christmas.
272 00:12:55 - Photobomb!- There you go. All right.
273 00:12:57 That just happens now?
274 00:12:59 People love C-Rob.
275 00:13:00 So how about Diana?You talk to her?
276 00:13:03 How's things going with that?
277 00:13:04 Hate to see that one get away, you know?
278 00:13:05 - It's still over.- It's over. Don't worry about it.
279 00:13:07 But it's okay. It's no one's fault, really.We just drifted apart.
280 00:13:10 Look, we're at the tree!Why don't we talk about that another time?
281 00:13:13 - What?- Not now, man.
282 00:13:21 Gentlemen...
283 00:13:23 14 years ago to this very night,a tradition was born.
284 00:13:27 That year some drunk, fucking assholehit my parents with a car.
285 00:13:31 So that Christmas,I didn't have any family to be with...
286 00:13:34 but you guys were there for me.
287 00:13:36 But tonight!
288 00:13:38 Tonight's different.
289 00:13:39 We have mutually decidedto end this tradition.
290 00:13:42 Isaac's about to have a baby.
291 00:13:44 And Chris is just too fucking famousto hang out with us anymore.
292 00:13:47 But guys, earlier today...
293 00:13:49 I witnesseda real-life Christmas miracle.
294 00:13:53 - Where the fuck did you get those?- Holy shit! Are those real?
295 00:13:56 They are fucking real!
296 00:13:57 Where did they come from?
297 00:13:58 It doesn't matter!It's a fucking Christmas miracle!
298 00:14:00 You killed somebody for those?
299 00:14:02 No, I stole them.
300 00:14:03 That's awesome! What a blowout!
301 00:14:05 It is the Nutcracker Ball!
302 00:14:08 Yes!
303 00:14:10 So I called the number on these tickets.
304 00:14:12 They don't give out the address till 10.
305 00:14:15 So that gives us several hours to hitas many Christmas traditions as possible!
306 00:14:19 Let's do it.
307 00:14:20 And it's gonna be thebest fucking night of our lives!
308 00:14:22 I'm so psyched, man. Awesome.
309 00:14:24 Maybe it'll be the newChristmas tradition.
310 00:14:28 I don't know if we're reallyreplacing this with another tradition.
311 00:14:32 That was a joke, Isaac.Give me some credit.
312 00:14:34 Obviously, that was a joke.I am totally cool with it.
313 00:14:37 Obviously, he's joking.
314 00:14:38 - Definitely.- Gentlemen, I got the sweaters.
315 00:14:41 This one's for you.
316 00:14:42 - This is for you.- Nice.
317 00:14:44 Let's do this!
318 00:14:45 Let's do it. Hey, where'd he go?
319 00:16:24 Soup's on!
320 00:16:25 Hey, Thuwan! How's it going, my man?
321 00:16:27 Now it's Christmas. It's not Christmastill we eat egg drop soup.
322 00:16:30 It brings me back.Who are you calling right now?
323 00:16:33 - Calling my man Tommy Owens.- You're calling Tommy Owens?
324 00:16:35 - Who's Tommy Owens?- He's the best player in the league.
325 00:16:37 - Tommy!- C-Money, what's up, my man?
326 00:16:39 Merry Christmas.
327 00:16:41 Tell him hi.
328 00:16:43 Hennessy.
329 00:16:44 We going to the Nutcracker Ball.I got tickets for my boys.
330 00:16:46 I got us on the list for the party...
331 00:16:48 the after-party, the before-party,every party.
332 00:16:50 Congrats, baby, you coming up big time.
333 00:16:52 What we do, baby. That's what we do!
334 00:16:54 Tell him to bring some green with him.
335 00:16:55 C-Money, while I got you on the phone...
336 00:16:57 I hate to even ask, but you thinkmaybe you could bring us some weed?
337 00:17:00 Yeah, I can get weed.Look who you're talking to, baby.
338 00:17:02 - Come on. It's Chris Money.- Smoke it up!
339 00:17:05 I'll see you at the Nutcracker Ball.I'll bring you a half a pound...
340 00:17:07 and we gonna roll. Much love.
341 00:17:09 One. Chris love out. Peace.
342 00:17:13 How much weed you got in that box?
343 00:17:14 I don't know. Why don't we check?
344 00:17:16 Check it out, playa.
345 00:17:17 Someone call Snoop D-O-double gezzank,because I got the reefers.
346 00:17:22 You have one joint?
347 00:17:24 She doesn't know that much about drugs.The proportions of this shit is all off.
348 00:17:27 Dude, we need to get some weed.
349 00:17:28 Can we just not get derailed here?
350 00:17:30 This is not aboutsome famous athlete and his weed.
351 00:17:32 This is about the three of us.This is our last Christmas together.
352 00:17:35 It is about a famous athlete and his weed.
353 00:17:37 I've been on this dude's team for six yearsand he finally knows who I am.
354 00:17:40 If I can deliver this weed...
355 00:17:41 we could smoke with Tommy Owensand hang with him all night!
356 00:17:44 I'd love to smoke weed with Tommy Owens.
357 00:17:45 See? He wants tosmoke with Tommy, right?
358 00:17:47 Okay. Okay.
359 00:17:48 Where do we get some weed from?
360 00:17:51 We could call Mr. Green.
361 00:17:53 Why are we outside our high school again?
362 00:17:55 Because he's a fucking drug-dealerand he's suspicious...
363 00:17:58 and he doesn't meet youunless he's met you there before.
364 00:18:01 So it's either our old high schoolor this guy's mom's house.
365 00:18:03 That's not happening.
366 00:18:04 I know. So it's here.
367 00:18:07 Shit. Is that you?
368 00:18:09 It's not mine.
369 00:18:11 - No.- Oh, shit.
370 00:18:14 That was there before.
371 00:18:16 Do they even make payphones anymore?
372 00:18:17 Don't touch it.People wipe their butts on those.
373 00:18:19 This is how you gotta talk to him.
374 00:18:20 Don't pick up!
375 00:18:22 Hello! 1998 speaking.
376 00:18:23 That's gross.
377 00:18:27 Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks.He's right there.
378 00:18:31 Go ahead. Go get the weed.
379 00:18:32 I'm not going. You're going.
380 00:18:33 - Just get it. Come on, don't be a baby.- It's your weed!
381 00:18:36 Shit.
382 00:18:40 Is it just me?He's changed a little bit, right?
383 00:18:45 Yeah, he seems likehe's excited about his fame.
384 00:18:47 I think it's our job to sort ofjust keep him in check.
385 00:18:50 Sometimes, you think it's easyto tell your friend something...
386 00:18:53 and it's actually hardto tell them that thing...
387 00:18:55 once you're confrontedwith the actual moment...
388 00:18:57 that you would maybe tell them that thing.
389 00:18:58 You know what I mean?
390 00:19:05 Mr. Green! What's up, man?
391 00:19:08 Good evening.
392 00:19:09 How you doing?It's good to see you.
393 00:19:11 I'm glad you open on Christmas.
394 00:19:13 A lot of people need meon Christmas, you know.
395 00:19:16 It's a tough holiday.
396 00:19:19 I know you.
397 00:19:20 Yeah.
398 00:19:21 You used to sell weed to me andmy friends when we were in high school.
399 00:19:24 Yeah, that's crazy.
400 00:19:25 So, what do you want?
401 00:19:27 Your best shit, man.That chronic, that drow, that....
402 00:19:30 Yeah, yeah. Some of that.
403 00:19:32 It's good to see you kidsstill hanging out and smoking up.
404 00:19:36 Makes me proud.
405 00:19:37 Thanks, man. We're just kind of tryingto keep the dream alive, you know?
406 00:19:41 But this is not for us.This is for a good friend of mine.
407 00:19:43 Tommy Owens. Quarterback.The Messiah.
408 00:19:46 You know what?As far as I'm concerned...
409 00:19:48 there's only one Messiah.
410 00:19:50 Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
411 00:19:54 So that name's a little blasphemous.
412 00:19:56 Yeah.
413 00:20:04 The Weed of Christmas Present.
414 00:20:07 I'm an athlete, so drug-free body.Drug-free zone. No smoking.
415 00:20:11 You buying that for somebodyand you're not gonna test it?
416 00:20:15 That could be oregano.
417 00:20:17 - Orega-what?- Oregano.
418 00:20:32 So....
419 00:20:35 Something special supposed to happen?
420 00:20:37 It just did.
421 00:20:39 You're in the present.
422 00:20:45 Maybe I'm high or something, man.
423 00:20:47 Or maybe you're in the present.
424 00:20:51 The Weed of Christmas Present.
425 00:20:54 Well, with that logic, isn't all weedthe weed of Christmas present?
426 00:20:58 Only on Christmas, kid.
427 00:21:02 Anyway, that'll be a hundred bucks.
428 00:21:05 All right. I'll get your hundreds.
429 00:21:08 If you guys ain't doing nothing later,you should stop by this party I'm throwing.
430 00:21:11 It's a hell of a bash.
431 00:21:14 You serious?
432 00:21:15 It's not in my car.
433 00:21:17 It's a real party.
434 00:21:20 We already got invited to something.Sorry. But thank you for the invite.
435 00:21:23 That's no problem.My feelings aren't hurt. Not really.
436 00:21:30 Tell Isaac,"I'll see you in a couple hours."
437 00:21:32 What?
438 00:21:34 Tell Isaac I'll see him in a couple hours.
439 00:21:37 How did he get so good all of a sudden?
440 00:21:40 I don't know.
441 00:21:42 Here we go. Here we go.
442 00:21:47 That shit was the weirdestfucking experience of my life, dude.
443 00:21:49 - Really?- But I got the weed.
444 00:21:53 Come on, let's gotear this fucking karaoke down.
445 00:21:54 Let them bitches knowthe Ice Crew in the building!
446 00:21:57 Let's do it, baby.
447 00:21:58 - Did you practice the moves?- Oh, I've been practicing.
448 00:22:01 Hey!
449 00:22:06 Happy feet, happy feet.
450 00:22:12 Show them, huh!
451 00:22:44 Got my prenup.
452 00:22:53 I think the 'shrooms are kicking in.
453 00:23:09 Yo, what's up? We're the Ice Crew!
454 00:23:11 We just got one thing to say!
455 00:23:13 Drink some damn Red Bull. Hell, yeah!
456 00:23:20 It's happening.
457 00:23:21 - You feel good?- Yeah.
458 00:23:23 Ethan, it's Diana!
459 00:23:25 - Hi.- What's up?
460 00:23:26 Chris, I wanna say hi to you,but you're surrounded by fans!
461 00:23:29 I know. It's crazy! Say hey to Ethan!
462 00:23:31 He looks really great!
463 00:23:32 Let's go outside and Instagram.My social media game is on point!
464 00:23:35 - That guy's really famous now.- Yeah.
465 00:23:37 Super famous.
466 00:23:39 So good seeing you guys!
467 00:23:41 Merry Christmas.What are you guys doing here?
468 00:23:43 It's the only karaoke placethat's open on Christmas.
469 00:23:46 Yeah, it's our tradition.
470 00:23:47 I should've rememberedthat you guys come here.
471 00:23:49 But Run-DMC,I got to see it! Finally.
472 00:23:51 - You liked it?- It was awesome.
473 00:23:52 This is what you guys missed.
474 00:23:54 She did Miley Cyrus.
475 00:23:55 She destroyed Wrecking Ball.It was amazing.
476 00:23:57 - You still like that song.- Everybody does.
477 00:23:59 You can cry to it. You can run to it.You can party to it.
478 00:24:03 - Timeless!- What are you guys doing?
479 00:24:06 We're having a really fun night, actually.
480 00:24:08 We're kind of going not too hard,but pretty hard.
481 00:24:10 We're kind of just....
482 00:24:11 It's our last night doing the Christmas!
483 00:24:13 - End of an era.- Last year.
484 00:24:17 But it's been really fun, though.
485 00:24:19 Of course.Betsy's giving birth in a month.
486 00:24:21 She's having a baby, yeah.
487 00:24:23 We're gonna miss her at the office.
488 00:24:24 But she said that you've beendoing a very good job.
489 00:24:26 That you're so prepared.
490 00:24:27 You've read every single bookon being a dad since books were created.
491 00:24:30 I would be losing my shit right now.
492 00:24:33 That you're prepared,like over-prepared.
493 00:24:35 He's solid. He's got the stats.
494 00:24:36 A lot of men in your positionfucking freak out.
495 00:24:39 - They just leave.- And they take off.
496 00:24:41 - It's an epidemic.- It's true. Are you guys....
497 00:24:44 What the fuck! Are you guys okay?Are you okay?
498 00:24:46 These lights in herefucking with you guys? Like a lot.
499 00:24:50 Not really.
500 00:24:51 I think moving around maybefrom the dancing.
501 00:24:53 - Yeah.- I'm gonna call Betsy. I'll be right back.
502 00:24:56 It's good to see you. I'll be....
503 00:24:59 Give her a call.
504 00:25:02 You guys have a nice connection.
505 00:25:03 Yeah, he's a sweetheart.
506 00:25:08 - I'm gonna go to the bar, get more to drink.- No, no, no!
507 00:25:10 - Nice to see you.- Merry Christmas.
508 00:25:12 You look good.
509 00:25:15 Hi.
510 00:25:17 Hi.
511 00:25:24 Okay.
512 00:25:25 Come on.
513 00:25:27 The 'shrooms are turning.You got a big night ahead of you.
514 00:25:29 Let's get something else going here.
515 00:25:30 Cocaine. That'll straighten me out.
516 00:25:32 Get in my brain. Make me feel different.
517 00:25:35 Yeah.
518 00:25:41 What's up, Messiah?How you doing, White Jesus?
519 00:25:44 Yo, check it out. It's C-Rob, man.
520 00:25:46 So everything's good. I got you.
521 00:25:49 I got the shit. I got the weed.I got the smoke.
522 00:25:52 You know what? I'm tripping.I'mma just text you, all right?
523 00:25:56 What happened to peace?Peace. C-Rob out.
524 00:25:59 Chris motherfucking Roberts!
525 00:26:02 Well, I'm not Julia Roberts.
526 00:26:04 But you are a pretty woman.
527 00:26:07 Oh, shit!
528 00:26:08 Dude, I am such a fan.
529 00:26:11 Meeting you here tonight...
530 00:26:12 this is enough to make Christmastolerable for me.
531 00:26:15 You don't like Christmas?
532 00:26:17 No. I fucking hate Christmas.
533 00:26:19 Sorry to be like a Grinch. You're into it.
534 00:26:23 This is amazing.
535 00:26:25 As much as I hate Christmas,that's how much I love you.
536 00:26:28 Sorry. I'm being too much.
537 00:26:31 I'm jizzing all over you.I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry.
538 00:26:33 No, no, no. Jizz all over me.I like that shit.
539 00:26:36 You probably wannago back to your friends.
540 00:26:38 Fuck my friends.
541 00:26:40 Friends come and go...
542 00:26:42 but fans, that's forever.
543 00:26:44 - You're naughty.- I'm very naughty.
544 00:26:46 I'm gonna teach you a Christmas lesson,you naughty boy.
545 00:26:50 Okay.
546 00:26:53 The truth will set you free.
547 00:26:58 Hey, yo.
548 00:27:00 This is a message for future Isaac...
549 00:27:03 from current Isaac.
550 00:27:05 And I have to tell you to listen to me...
551 00:27:07 because right now I have clarity.
552 00:27:09 You should not be havingthis fucking baby.
553 00:27:11 This baby's a mistake.
554 00:27:13 The baby will ruin your life.You'll ruin the baby's life!
555 00:27:15 And then the babywill fucking murder people!
556 00:27:17 I don't know what you do at this point,but get rid of this fucking baby!
557 00:27:21 Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!
558 00:27:23 Put it in a basketand push it down a fucking river!
559 00:27:26 Fuck you, baby!
560 00:27:28 Fuck your baby-fucking little arms...
561 00:27:30 and your fucking chubby littlebaby-fucking legs!
562 00:27:32 Fuck you, baby! Fuck you! Cunt!
563 00:27:39 Okay.
564 00:27:41 Fuck.
565 00:27:46 Have some fun! Yeah!
566 00:27:48 Let's party!
567 00:27:55 - Isaac?- Fuck! Yeah!
568 00:27:57 Hi, Sarah! Whaddup?
569 00:27:59 - How's it going?- All right.
570 00:28:00 Good. Cool.
571 00:28:02 What's going on? You good?
572 00:28:03 You're so sweaty.
573 00:28:04 It's hot in here. I run hot.
574 00:28:06 We have this traditionwhere we wear sweaters.
575 00:28:07 I don't always wear a sweater, obviously.
576 00:28:09 When I'm inside I'd normally take it off.I think it would hurt my friends' feelings.
577 00:28:11 You're talking so fast,you sound like an auctioneer.
578 00:28:13 That's funny. Sold!
579 00:28:15 - That was kind of scary.- Sorry. I don't mean to scare you.
580 00:28:18 - It's like, "Sold!"- Oh, my God!
581 00:28:21 You shouldn't have said it.Now it's all I can think about.
582 00:28:22 - You want a drink?- Sure!
583 00:28:24 Let's have a drink.I'll be right back.
584 00:28:26 Thanks, Isaac.
585 00:28:31 Betsy said you've been asking about me.
586 00:28:32 - That's a lie.- That's a lie.
587 00:28:35 Betsy would never in a billion yearssay anything even remotely like that.
588 00:28:39 How's your family?
589 00:28:41 You're asking about my family.
590 00:28:44 Sorry, I can't believe it.Who are you?
591 00:28:46 I deserve that.
592 00:28:48 My family, thank you for asking, is fine.
593 00:28:50 You usually stay with themon Christmas Eve, no?
594 00:28:53 Yeah, I'm staying with them,but I'm going to this thing with Sarah.
595 00:28:56 What is it?
596 00:28:59 Okay, she's dating this guy,and he got us into this party.
597 00:29:03 And I know you'vealways wanted to go to it....
598 00:29:05 Shit. Are you goingto the Nutcracker Ball?
599 00:29:07 Yeah. I'm sorry.
600 00:29:08 We're going too.
601 00:29:09 - You are?- Isn't that crazy?
602 00:29:11 I'm happy for you. Your last Christmas...
603 00:29:13 and you get to go to the big dumb partyyou've always wanted to go to.
604 00:29:15 You bringing anyone?
605 00:29:16 To the dumb party?
606 00:29:18 - Any guys?- Me?
607 00:29:21 Yeah, I'm bringing these two guys...
608 00:29:24 that I'm kind of dating.
609 00:29:26 With really huge dicks.
610 00:29:28 Who've got enormous,almost novelty-sized dicks.
611 00:29:33 I've been seeing a girlwith a huge vagina.
612 00:29:35 Have you?
613 00:29:36 I don't know if it reallyhas the same impact.
614 00:29:38 I just hope that thisnice young lady's vagina...
615 00:29:41 is not half as big as mine.
616 00:29:43 - Your vagina, I mean....- The biggest! I know.
617 00:29:46 - Here you go.- Thank you so much. Appreciate that.
618 00:29:49 - It's on your tab.- Cool.
619 00:30:02 Cheers!
620 00:30:04 This is so much fun!
621 00:30:07 Good beer.
622 00:30:08 They say beer mellows you out a bit,which is nice.
623 00:30:10 This is kind of cool-tasting.Tastes like pennies or something.
624 00:30:13 - Weird. It has a coppery flavor?- Yeah.
625 00:30:15 Bizarre. Maybe it's the vodka?
626 00:30:16 You know what?I think they gave you a Crantini.
627 00:30:18 You ever think maybe they're allpart of the same Tini family?
628 00:30:20 Martini, Crantini.
629 00:30:22 - It's just a funny idea, I thought.- I guess it's funny.
630 00:30:27 Isaac. You have a bloody nose.
631 00:30:29 - I what?- Your nose is bleeding.
632 00:30:31 My nose is bleeding?
633 00:30:33 - Do you not feel that?- Oh, no!
634 00:30:35 It's fucked. There's a lot of blood.
635 00:30:37 No, my nose is very tingly right now. And Iactually don't feel much. That's so weird.
636 00:30:40 Holy fuck!
637 00:30:41 What?
638 00:30:43 Did you bleed in my drink?
639 00:30:45 No.
640 00:30:46 You fucking bled in my drink, Isaac!
641 00:30:48 I'm gonna come clean.
642 00:30:50 I'm on a lot of cocaine right now.I think that's what made my nose bleed.
643 00:30:52 You're on fucking cocaine?
644 00:30:53 - Did you drink a lot of it?- Kind of!
645 00:30:55 - Is it that gross?- It's mega-gross.
646 00:30:57 I didn't do it on purpose.
647 00:30:58 You're a totally fucking fucked-up person.You should not be a father. Goodbye!
648 00:31:01 Fuck you!
649 00:31:02 Fuck you, Isaac!
650 00:31:03 I'm sorry. Fuck you!
651 00:31:04 No, fuck you!
652 00:31:06 Piss off! People are fucking in here!
653 00:31:11 Zero, 11!
654 00:31:14 Now, take a dump.
655 00:31:16 What?
656 00:31:18 Hey, guys! Sorry to interrupt.Hey, Ethan.
657 00:31:21 We need to get the fuck out of here.I'm losing my shit right now.
658 00:31:23 What happened?
659 00:31:24 Please. I wanna go right now.
660 00:31:25 - I'm right behind you.- Thank you.
661 00:31:28 - Sorry.- I'm sorry.
662 00:31:29 Yikes.
663 00:31:32 I guess that's my cue.
664 00:31:34 - Tell her I'm sorry.- You don't have to be sorry.
665 00:31:36 I guess I'll see you later.
666 00:31:38 Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
667 00:31:40 This is....
668 00:31:48 Come on, man.
669 00:32:00 - Ethan!- Have you seen Isaac?
670 00:32:02 Forget Isaac. I just fame-fuckedthat hipster chick in the bathroom.
671 00:32:05 - So that's her?- Hell, yeah.
672 00:32:09 Can we go?
673 00:32:10 - Are you okay?- I'm fine! Let's go.
674 00:32:11 It's after 10. We can call theparty number now.
675 00:32:13 Let's call! Let's call!
676 00:32:14 I'll get this address.
677 00:32:16 This better fucking work.
678 00:32:19 If you want your Christmas merry...
679 00:32:22 go to the corner of Grand and Berry.
680 00:32:25 Okay.
681 00:32:26 Grand and Berry, please!
682 00:32:29 Listen, listen. Diana is also goingto the Nutcracker Ball.
683 00:32:34 How crazy is that, right?
684 00:32:36 She's cool. I miss her.
685 00:32:37 Yeah, you shouldn't have let her go, dude.
686 00:32:39 You should totally get her back, bro.My mom's named Diana.
687 00:32:42 Yeah, thanks.I didn't let her go.
688 00:32:44 - She left me.- You didn't wanna meet her parents...
689 00:32:47 and you never did, and you just keptmaking excuses for two years.
690 00:32:50 She made the whole relationshipabout the one thing I didn't wanna do.
691 00:32:52 Dude, you fucked up.Isaac, tell him, he fucked up.
692 00:32:54 - You fucked up, man.- See?
693 00:32:56 Hey, Isaac. You okay?
694 00:32:59 No, I'm not.
695 00:33:01 I think the cocaine and the mushroomsare reacting poorly.
696 00:33:04 And now I thinkI just got to balance it out.
697 00:33:07 I got to make itthat I'm more on mushrooms...
698 00:33:08 because I was having fun on mushrooms.
699 00:33:10 - I have a plan.- Chill out. Have a Red Bull.
700 00:33:12 You could also juststop doing drugs right now.
701 00:33:14 Like, much more mushrooms.
702 00:33:17 - Are you gonna be cool at this party?- Cool as fuck, G.
703 00:33:19 No, you're not cool, G.
704 00:33:20 You look insane.Only your right eye is working.
705 00:33:23 There's gonna be a lot offamous people at this party...
706 00:33:25 and I don't want you to fuck it up.
707 00:33:26 You walk in therelooking like a shit show....
708 00:33:28 Do I look weird now?
709 00:33:29 Yes! You look weird!
710 00:33:31 Still weird.
711 00:33:34 Weirder!
712 00:33:35 - He looks fine.- No, you don't!
713 00:33:36 You need to fucking check yourself,before....
714 00:33:39 Before...
715 00:33:41 I wreck myself?
716 00:33:43 - Is that what you're saying?- Yes.
717 00:33:45 Chickity-check myself,before I wrickity-wreck myself?
718 00:33:47 How does that make someone feel?
719 00:33:49 To be toldthat they might wreck themselves.
720 00:33:51 You're not gonna wreck yourself.
721 00:33:52 You made him feel bad.Why don't you just leave him alone?
722 00:33:55 - Look, he's not right, dude.- Gonna mellow out.
723 00:33:57 Why don't you have some weedand mellow out.
724 00:34:01 - You got the weed?- No.
725 00:34:03 - You got the weed, dude?- No.
726 00:34:05 She stole my fucking weed.
727 00:34:07 She was rummaging through my jacketwhen I was hitting her from the back.
728 00:34:10 I knew it! She fucking took my weed!
729 00:34:12 That serves you right.
730 00:34:13 Dude, it's not funny!She stole my fucking weed!
731 00:34:16 The last place I wanna be isoutside my mom's house right now.
732 00:34:20 School's far. Your mom lives close.
733 00:34:23 How long did Mr. Green sayhe would be here in?
734 00:34:25 Half hour.
735 00:34:26 That's fine. Let's just go insideand wait. I'm freezing.
736 00:34:28 No, no, no. We're not going inside.My mom's probably asleep.
737 00:34:31 A half hour for Mr. Green could be liketwo hours of standing here.
738 00:34:33 We could be dead by then.We could literally die by then.
739 00:34:36 Look, my mom doesn't know I'm here.So let it go. We're not going upstairs.
740 00:34:40 - Really? You didn't tell her?- No.
741 00:34:42 I told her I was in Phillyand I got a suite down at the Gansevoort.
742 00:34:45 I just think your mom would be happyto see you on Christmas.
743 00:34:48 I'm not saying she wouldn't be happyto see me, all right?
744 00:34:50 There's just a lot you don't understand.
745 00:34:53 All she wants to do is parade me aroundand show me off to people.
746 00:34:55 Last time I was here,she made me go to church with her...
747 00:34:57 and sign autographs, kiss babies,tell people all my stats...
748 00:35:00 and what I did last Sunday.It's too much.
749 00:35:02 - I have a question.- What?
750 00:35:03 Does your mother still have a Nintendo 64?
751 00:35:06 Probably. She neverthrows my stuff away. Why?
752 00:35:08 Right. So that's whyyou don't wanna go upstairs...
753 00:35:11 because you're gonna loseat "GoldenEye."
754 00:35:13 - "GoldenEye."- "GoldenEye."
755 00:35:15 Okay. Let's do it. One game.
756 00:35:19 Nobody touch nothing.
757 00:35:20 But I love touching things.
758 00:35:26 All right, go, go, go.
759 00:35:34 - Dude, did you die and not tell us?- Shut up.
760 00:35:37 It's amazing.
761 00:35:38 I was there when you won this.You must be so proud.
762 00:35:40 Shut up and go.
763 00:35:42 Your bedroom.
764 00:35:45 Dude.
765 00:35:46 - Ethan.- What?
766 00:35:47 I found you.
767 00:35:49 - You found me?- Check you out.
768 00:35:51 Ethan Miller
769 00:35:55 Look at you, man.
770 00:35:58 You remember when we all first met atthe party? Whose fucking party was that?
771 00:36:03 - Jocelyn Larue.- Jocelyn Larue.
772 00:36:04 Yeah, that's right.
773 00:36:05 Remember the cops came?We had to hide in the bathroom.
774 00:36:08 For three hours.
775 00:36:10 I was afraid we were gonna get caught,because you were so fucking loud.
776 00:36:12 I remember you wore thatBob Marley tie-dye T-shirt...
777 00:36:15 and I asked you if you smoked weed?
778 00:36:16 I didn't even smoke weed.I just liked Bob Marley and tie-dye.
779 00:36:19 I didn't get that was the vibeI was putting out there.
780 00:36:21 You could have showed upwith purple hair and a cloak.
781 00:36:23 That was my warlock phase.
782 00:36:25 - That was a dope phase.- Hell, yeah.
783 00:36:27 I'm surprised you even talked to us, Chris.When I look back, I remember thinking:
784 00:36:31 "This guy's a jock.
785 00:36:33 And he's talking to a warlockand a pretend pot-head."
786 00:36:36 True.
787 00:36:38 If it wasn't for y'all, I would havenever made it through that school.
788 00:36:41 - Shit. Wait, pause it.- No, no pause.
789 00:36:43 The phone's buzzing.You have to pause it.
790 00:36:45 - I'm buying you weed!- Just keep it down!
791 00:36:46 Pause the fucking game.If you shoot me right now, you forfeit.
792 00:36:49 Oh, my God, if my mom wakes up.
793 00:36:51 Yeah, it's him. Mr. Green's here.
794 00:36:52 I'm never getting in that dude's car again.He freaked me out.
795 00:36:56 I'll go.
796 00:36:58 Can you even walk?
797 00:37:01 I can fly.
798 00:37:08 Five-oh, bro. You're busted.
799 00:37:11 - Are you fucking kidding me right now?- Yeah, I'm just kidding.
800 00:37:13 Holy shit, dude.
801 00:37:15 Don't do that.
802 00:37:16 Oh, man. Hey, good seeing you, dude.Long time.
803 00:37:20 It has been a long time.
804 00:37:21 - Been a long time, yeah.- I remember you.
805 00:37:24 And you know I'm proudof what you've become.
806 00:37:28 Husband, lawyer...
807 00:37:29 soon-to-be father.That's really impressive.
808 00:37:32 Me, I don't have time for kids.
809 00:37:35 You're all my children.
810 00:37:38 You ever think of me as a father figure?
811 00:37:41 No.
812 00:37:43 Put your tiny hand in mine.
813 00:37:47 Yeah.
814 00:37:48 Rough night?
815 00:37:50 Little bit. Could you tell?Am I wearing it on my sleeve?
816 00:37:53 I did a lot of drugs.
817 00:37:54 Mushrooms. Caps, too many caps.Ate a lot of the caps.
818 00:37:57 And I just think it kind ofmade me freak out a little bit.
819 00:38:01 And basically, I'm kind of just havinga hard time finding my place in all this.
820 00:38:05 Relax.
821 00:38:08 What's happening right now?
822 00:38:10 Just looking into your soul, man.
823 00:38:14 What are you seeing?
824 00:38:19 You need a nice mellow indica.
825 00:38:21 I got a great north Cali bud...
826 00:38:23 with a soothing body high...
827 00:38:26 and surprisingly accuratevisions of the future.
828 00:38:30 Yeah, sure. Whatever you got, bro.
829 00:38:33 Yeah. It's definitely a good time.
830 00:38:36 Unless...
831 00:38:38 you're dealing with some shityou can't come to terms with.
832 00:38:43 No! That's not me!That's a different guy.
833 00:38:46 I think all my issues are drug-related,and my emotional state is completely...
834 00:38:50 cool, bro.
835 00:38:54 Just a little shot of this.See if you like it.
836 00:39:02 Come on.
837 00:39:03 I'm good. I think I'll just ride the wave,my main man.
838 00:39:09 I put my hands on you.
839 00:39:11 Take it.
840 00:39:14 Just not too hard.
841 00:39:18 Not too hard.
842 00:39:22 Where are we?
843 00:39:24 A strip club.
844 00:39:26 Eighteen years in the future.
845 00:39:29 - Is that my wife?- Yeah.
846 00:39:31 You should probably talk to her.
847 00:39:33 I'm gonna get a beer, maybe a dance.
848 00:39:36 Cool.
849 00:39:38 Hi.
850 00:39:39 Sit down. The show's about to start.
851 00:39:41 Okay.
852 00:39:43 Okay, fellas, let's hear it for Sierra!
853 00:39:47 Isn't she amazing?
854 00:39:49 Who is that?
855 00:39:50 It's our beautiful baby girl.
856 00:39:52 What the fuck?
857 00:39:55 Pop it, girl! Pop that P!
858 00:39:57 Pop it! Pop it!
859 00:39:59 You hear me, young lady?Pop your pussy!
860 00:40:01 It's okay, sweetie!You don't have to pop your pussy!
861 00:40:04 You read all those booksand you didn't learn shit!
862 00:40:07 You really shit the bed as a dad!
863 00:40:11 Here you go. Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
864 00:40:15 I know.
865 00:40:17 Look at my finger. Look at my finger.
866 00:40:18 You need to give me a hundred bucksand get the fuck out of my car right now.
867 00:40:21 Okay! Here!
868 00:40:24 Get out.
869 00:40:55 What are you doing?
870 00:40:56 I don't know what's happening.Let's go. Let's just bail.
871 00:40:58 Turn your phone off.You're gonna wake her up.
872 00:41:00 I don't know what's happening.I don't know this song.
873 00:41:01 - Turn it off.- Hello?
874 00:41:03 Hello?
875 00:41:06 Hey, Ma. It's Chrissy-poo!
876 00:41:08 Oh, my God! Chris!
877 00:41:11 Hey!
878 00:41:12 Oh, my God! Ethan!
879 00:41:17 What are you guys doing?
880 00:41:18 - Merry Christmas!- Surprise!
881 00:41:21 This is....
882 00:41:23 Are you hungry?I can heat up some food.
883 00:41:25 - Yeah!- No, no, no.
884 00:41:27 Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
885 00:41:30 Sweetheart.
886 00:41:31 - Oh, you smell like weed.- No.
887 00:41:35 More meatloaf, Isaac?
888 00:41:37 No, I'm okay.
889 00:41:39 Could I perhapshave some more chardonnay...
890 00:41:42 to wash down my medication, please?
891 00:41:44 Of course.
892 00:41:52 Thank you.
893 00:41:55 So, Ethan, what's going on with you?
894 00:41:58 Not a lot. Just feeling good.
895 00:42:01 You got somebody special in your life?
896 00:42:03 No.
897 00:42:04 There was a young lady that heused to date that he ran into today...
898 00:42:07 that I thought was pretty damn awesome.
899 00:42:10 - Yeah? What happened?- It's a long story.
900 00:42:12 Not that long. She wanted to get serious,but he wouldn't meet her parents.
901 00:42:16 She wanted to move in...
902 00:42:17 and you said you weren'tin the right head place for her to move in.
903 00:42:20 That's some straight-up bullshit.
904 00:42:21 Give me some, Ma.
905 00:42:23 Okay, okay, okay.
906 00:42:24 What, are you guys ganging up on me now?
907 00:42:26 You like this woman?
908 00:42:27 Yeah, she's awesome...
909 00:42:29 but there's a whole history herethat he's brushing over.
910 00:42:32 You want her back?
911 00:42:34 Yeah. I do.
912 00:42:36 If you want this woman,you're gonna have to work for her.
913 00:42:38 But you happen to be very lucky,because it's Christmas.
914 00:42:42 And there's magic in the air at Christmas.
915 00:42:45 People's hearts are open.People want to forgive.
916 00:42:48 People want love.
917 00:42:50 I'd take advantage of that shit.
918 00:42:52 I'd find the opportunity,and I would seize it.
919 00:42:56 Thank you, Mrs. Roberts.
920 00:42:58 I almost forgot, I'm gonnaneed some more headshots.
921 00:43:00 James slide to reply
922 00:43:03 Huh.A dick from someone named James?
923 00:43:05 His name is on my phone,I must know him. Who is he?
924 00:43:08 James You like it?
925 00:43:09 Do I like it? What does that mean?
926 00:43:11 Oh, man. Maybe it'sJames McFoley from work.
927 00:43:17 Holy shit.
928 00:43:20 This guy's a grower and a shower.
929 00:43:22 James Do you like it more now?
930 00:43:23 Do I like it more now? Jesus.I mean, it's a dope dick.
931 00:43:26 Dope dick homey.
932 00:43:28 Tx. Do you want it?
933 00:43:29 Do I want it?
934 00:43:31 Of course I want a dick like that.
935 00:43:32 Who wouldn't want a dickthat looks like that?
936 00:43:35 Do you want to suck it?
937 00:43:37 Do I wanna suck it? Oh, man.
938 00:43:40 I'm gonna start putting people'slast names on my contacts.
939 00:43:42 No I don't.I've never sucked a dick before.
940 00:43:46 You've never sucked a dick?
941 00:43:47 No, I've never sucked a dick but, well,if I'm being totally honest with myself....
942 00:43:51 I once touched a guy's dickat summer camp but that's it.
943 00:43:55 Damn it, why'd I tell him that?
944 00:43:57 This James guy is justso easy to talk to. I told him too much.
945 00:44:00 You said you never sucked a dick before.But tonight you're gonna.
946 00:44:03 Man, I guess that settles it.
947 00:44:05 Isaac Greenbergis sucking his first dick tonight.
948 00:44:08 Did he tell you that they'venamed a park after him?
949 00:44:11 You're gonna have a park named after you?
950 00:44:12 I petitioned the city,I got the signatures...
951 00:44:14 and now there's gonna be the sweetestlittle playground in Brooklyn...
952 00:44:17 that's named after him.
953 00:44:19 The park is not that nice!There are crackheads, and...
954 00:44:21 Sweetheart, they're gonna clean that up.
955 00:44:23 We should get ready to go, guys. We haveto move. We're gonna miss the party.
956 00:44:26 - That's true.- Why don't I just wrap all of this up?
957 00:44:29 You guys can take it downto the homeless shelter.
958 00:44:31 It's only a few blocks away.I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
959 00:44:35 You're right, Mom.
960 00:44:36 You boys are so sweet.Thank you for coming.
961 00:44:40 - Wanna help me in the kitchen?- Okay.
962 00:44:42 Thanks so much for dinner, Mrs. Roberts.
963 00:44:44 You're welcome, sweetheart!
964 00:44:46 Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?
965 00:44:49 - Are you gay?- No!
966 00:44:51 Are you curious?
967 00:44:52 Everyone is! What does thathave to do with this?
968 00:44:55 I don't know.Why are you looking up dicks?
969 00:44:57 - Someone's sending me dicks.- Someone's sending you that?
970 00:45:00 Look, I'll show you. It's a fuckingconversation. It's some guy named James.
971 00:45:03 A very nice, eloquent man named Jamesis sending me his penis.
972 00:45:05 And he wants me to suck on it.
973 00:45:07 I don't know what to do. I'm fuckingfreaking out. Do I do it? Should I do it?
974 00:45:10 This isn't your phone, man.
975 00:45:11 Dude, this isn't your phone!
976 00:45:12 Oh, shit. Is this Sarah's phone?
977 00:45:15 - Oh, no.- What?
978 00:45:17 She has my phone.
979 00:45:18 It's okay, man. We know her.We can get your phone back.
980 00:45:21 There's something bad on my phone.
981 00:45:23 You gonna be around tomorrow?
982 00:45:25 Folks out at the church would love tosee you. Aunt would too.
983 00:45:28 You know I'm busy, so....
984 00:45:30 I don't really like to do that stuff, Ma.
985 00:45:32 Won't take much time, Boo.
986 00:45:33 I know. It's just I havean early flight...
987 00:45:36 and I really feel badthat I have to run back to work so fast.
988 00:45:38 I just got so much stuff going on.
989 00:45:40 I'm a celebrity now.
990 00:45:42 I got appearances.I got all kinds of stuff I have to do, Ma.
991 00:45:44 I can't just be lollygagging around...
992 00:45:47 and meeting old people.
993 00:45:50 I love you.
994 00:45:51 Betsy is gonna get that tape from Sarah...
995 00:45:54 and she's gonna freak the fuck out.
996 00:45:56 Why? Why would Betsy get the tape?
997 00:45:58 Because I put cocaine bloodinto her fucking drink.
998 00:46:01 And no one wants to drink cocaine blood.
999 00:46:03 Yeah. I'm gonna call her.
1000 00:46:05 - How do you know her number?- It's your number.
1001 00:46:07 I'm trusting you on this.
1002 00:46:08 I don't understand what's happening.Where are we?
1003 00:46:11 Sarah has your phone.So I'm calling it.
1004 00:46:13 Where are we right now?
1005 00:46:14 - We're at Chris' house.- What the fuck?
1006 00:46:16 You just stay calm, all right?
1007 00:46:19 - It'll be okay.- Oh, yeah.
1008 00:46:21 Oh, yeah.
1009 00:46:23 You like that?
1010 00:46:25 Here's the bad news.
1011 00:46:27 - She didn't pick up.- What?
1012 00:46:28 - Everything's fine!- I bit my tongue!
1013 00:46:30 That boy need Jesus.
1014 00:46:32 He needs something.
1015 00:46:33 It's gonna be okay, though.
1016 00:46:35 You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonnause Find My iPhone and find the phone.
1017 00:46:37 It's loading. There it is!It's in midtown.
1018 00:46:40 Your phone's in midtown. It's all good.
1019 00:46:43 Okay. All right. So here's the thing.
1020 00:46:46 We're gonna go to the party,because Sarah's gonna go to the party.
1021 00:46:48 Guys, let's go.
1022 00:46:49 - You be safe.- Guys, be careful.
1023 00:46:51 Let's go, guys!
1024 00:46:53 Baby, hold on. Let me get you a bag.You're gonna need a bag. Wait up!
1025 00:46:56 This guy's dick is off the charts.
1026 00:46:58 Yo, it's your man C-Rob coming at youlive from outside the homeless shelter.
1027 00:47:01 We delivering turkeysto homeless people...
1028 00:47:03 because it's the giving season and theydo be gobbling, you know what I mean?
1029 00:47:07 So if you're in the season of giving, hit meup @Chrisrob11, hashtag "selfless giving."
1030 00:47:10 And remember, it's not a good deedif no one knows about it.
1031 00:47:13 I got another dick, dude!
1032 00:47:15 Drink Red Bull.
1033 00:47:17 Oh, shit. Look, man, it's her!
1034 00:47:19 It's the super fan,sex maniac that stole my weed.
1035 00:47:22 Come on, let's follow her.
1036 00:47:23 No, we're not gonna follow her. Let's justdrop off the food and go to the party!
1037 00:47:26 Shit! Look! Now she's stealingfrom homeless people!
1038 00:47:30 That's not right!
1039 00:47:31 - Now, I'm going to teach her a lesson.- Okay.
1040 00:47:33 Hey! Did you steal my weed?
1041 00:47:38 - No.- We just saw you...
1042 00:47:39 rob some homeless peopleand I'm missing my weed, so....
1043 00:47:42 You got me, I stole your weed.
1044 00:47:44 But I told you right awaythat I'm kind of a Grinch. Okay?
1045 00:47:50 Eat me, sheep.
1046 00:47:52 You're an actual Grinch.You're like the mayor of Whoville.
1047 00:47:54 I'm building a body of work.
1048 00:47:56 I'm following in the pathof my Christmas heroes:
1049 00:47:58 The Grinch, the Sticky Bandits,Hans Gruber from Die Hard.
1050 00:48:02 I walked by you and I heard yougoing on about your Christmas plans...
1051 00:48:06 and you're this football doucheand I Google you....
1052 00:48:10 Jackpot! I pretend to be a fan...
1053 00:48:12 we have sex, yaas.
1054 00:48:14 And then I stole your weed.
1055 00:48:15 It's Christmas! You don't stealfrom people on Christmas.
1056 00:48:18 I just want my weed back.
1057 00:48:19 You're really cute when you get mad.
1058 00:48:21 That's cute.
1059 00:48:23 This is the thing I didn't expect.To fucking like you, dude.
1060 00:48:26 You are so funny...
1061 00:48:28 and talented, and handsome.
1062 00:48:31 And easy. My God, dude!
1063 00:48:33 Hey!
1064 00:48:36 I'm gonna fucking catch you!
1065 00:48:40 Later, suckas!
1066 00:48:41 She Home Alone'd me!
1067 00:48:42 Are these Micro Machines?
1068 00:48:44 - Wow!- Let's go.
1069 00:48:45 Girl's a genius.
1070 00:48:46 Josh, hit the gas! Go!We got to catch that girl!
1071 00:48:50 Go down to the corner and make a right!Hurry up, man! Chase her!
1072 00:48:52 - Who?- The girl who stole my weed! Hurry up!
1073 00:48:55 - She stole your weed?- Yeah.
1074 00:48:56 That fucking bitch. I'm gonna kill her.
1075 00:48:58 Go get her, baby!
1076 00:49:01 Not so fast!
1077 00:49:08 Guys, my iPhone's that way!
1078 00:49:09 We got to find my iPhone!It's the other direction! Please!
1079 00:49:13 Slow down!
1080 00:49:14 Speed up! Don't slow down!If you're my guy, you won't slow down!
1081 00:49:17 Hit the gas! Let's go!
1082 00:49:19 Let's go.
1083 00:49:25 There she is! There she is!
1084 00:49:26 We got her! We got her!
1085 00:49:29 Red light, red light!
1086 00:49:31 No! You run that light! Are you my guy?
1087 00:49:34 I'm your guy.
1088 00:49:35 Give me your hand!Run through that light, baby!
1089 00:49:45 I fucked up. I fucked up.
1090 00:49:50 I'm sorry.
1091 00:49:54 - Are we alive?- Yeah.
1092 00:49:56 Look. Look, it's a sleigh.We can still get her.
1093 00:49:59 No. Let's just go to the party, okay?
1094 00:50:01 We're going on a sleigh ride!
1095 00:50:03 No! We're not going on a sleigh ride.
1096 00:50:04 Come on, Joshua!
1097 00:50:08 Shotgun!
1098 00:50:10 Shotgun!
1099 00:50:11 - Hurry up.- You guys know this can't possibly work.
1100 00:50:14 Of course it'll work!
1101 00:50:15 - Let's get that Grinch!- Let's find my phone!
1102 00:50:17 Mush, motherfucker!
1103 00:50:26 I'm stuck!
1104 00:50:28 My hands are stuck!
1105 00:50:30 No, no, no!
1106 00:50:32 Fuck!
1107 00:50:35 Shit, shit, shit!
1108 00:50:38 Dude!
1109 00:50:40 What happened just now?
1110 00:50:42 He's okay. He looks okay.
1111 00:50:44 We have to go! She went this way!Let's go get this weed!
1112 00:50:47 No. Forget about the weed, man!
1113 00:50:48 We're not gonna split up now.Let's go to the party.
1114 00:50:50 No. You don't understand, man!It's really important! It's for Tommy.
1115 00:50:53 It's not important!
1116 00:50:54 I'll meet you at the F Train!
1117 00:50:56 You fucking believe this guy?
1118 00:50:58 My phone! It's close! I got to go!
1119 00:51:00 - No. Listen to me.- No. You listen to me.
1120 00:51:02 If I die, they willplay this video at my funeral!
1121 00:51:05 - Okay! You're on drugs!- Yes!
1122 00:51:07 - You're not making sense!- No!
1123 00:51:09 - Trust me.- Okay.
1124 00:51:10 We're gonna stick together.And go to the party.
1125 00:51:13 I'll meet you at the F Train!
1126 00:51:14 No! Dude! What the fuck!
1127 00:51:18 This is crazy.
1128 00:51:20 Oh, come on.How does this fucking work?
1129 00:51:23 This is so confusing.
1130 00:51:25 Fuck!
1131 00:51:27 My eyes aren't working.
1132 00:51:28 What asshole invented this stupid thing?
1133 00:51:35 - Hey, man. Excuse me.- Hey, dude. How's it going?
1134 00:51:38 - I'm Isaac.- Hi, Isaac.
1135 00:51:40 I hate to bug you.
1136 00:51:42 I lost my phone, and I'm using this appto try to find it.
1137 00:51:45 I'm kind of having a hard time.It's confusing me a little bit.
1138 00:51:48 You think you can maybe help me out?
1139 00:51:49 Sure, hold my cane for a second.
1140 00:51:50 Awesome. Sure, I'll hold your cane.
1141 00:51:54 Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac.
1142 00:51:55 Merry Christmas to you too, man.
1143 00:51:57 Thanks.
1144 00:51:58 I've been having a pretty crazy night.
1145 00:52:01 I'm gonna level with you,I'm a little fucked up right now.
1146 00:52:04 No way. You don't say?
1147 00:52:05 Yeah.
1148 00:52:07 - What's your name?- Spencer.
1149 00:52:09 That's my family over there.
1150 00:52:10 Hi! I'm Isaac, nice to meet you.
1151 00:52:12 - What's up, man?- Hey.
1152 00:52:15 You have dogs.
1153 00:52:17 - Can I pet them?- Go ahead. They're fine.
1154 00:52:19 - Thank you.- You're very welcome.
1155 00:52:21 - Hi, guys.- What's up, Isaac?
1156 00:52:23 Come on and give us a pat.
1157 00:52:25 Oh my God, they talk!
1158 00:52:27 Of course. All dogs can talk.
1159 00:52:29 - There's another one.- That tickles.
1160 00:52:31 Oh, hi. I love you.
1161 00:52:32 Isaac?
1162 00:52:35 Betsy!
1163 00:52:37 Oh, shit.
1164 00:52:40 Hi.
1165 00:52:42 Wow.
1166 00:52:44 Hi.
1167 00:52:46 Okay.
1168 00:52:47 I never wanna let go.
1169 00:52:50 What's happening?
1170 00:52:52 What are you doing here right now?
1171 00:52:53 What were you doing in the nativity scene?
1172 00:52:56 I was hanging outwith Spencer and his family.
1173 00:52:58 - They're really beautiful people.- Spencer?
1174 00:52:59 They're great people. They're interracial.
1175 00:53:01 Why do you have a staff, honey?
1176 00:53:04 What's happening right now?Where are we now?
1177 00:53:06 This is the church. Do you remember?
1178 00:53:08 - You're here for that?- Yes.
1179 00:53:09 And I'm just telling you right nowthat you need to go...
1180 00:53:12 because my familyis paying for the cab right now.
1181 00:53:15 So you need to get out of herebefore they show up.
1182 00:53:17 - Your family is coming?- Yeah.
1183 00:53:18 - So maybe go and run the other way.- Where should I go?
1184 00:53:21 Just fucking go before they get here. Go.
1185 00:53:23 I love you. Okay? I love you.
1186 00:53:25 Okay. I love you. Bye.
1187 00:53:27 That's very sweet. Bye.
1188 00:53:29 What are you coming back for?Just go that way!
1189 00:53:31 I don't know where to go.
1190 00:53:33 No, no, no! Not inside the church.
1191 00:53:35 Go, go, go.
1192 00:53:36 Get the fuck out of here.
1193 00:53:38 Wait. I know them. Hi!
1194 00:53:40 Hi!
1195 00:53:41 - Oh, my God! Look at you guys.- It's so good to see you!
1196 00:53:44 What a hat.
1197 00:53:45 Why don't you come join us?Come on in for midnight mass.
1198 00:53:48 Oh, no. I don't think that's a good idea.
1199 00:53:50 Why not?
1200 00:53:52 Because he's hanging outwith his friends tonight. Right, Isaac?
1201 00:53:54 - I don't see anybody.- I don't know where they are right now.
1202 00:53:57 - Come sit with us.- I've never been in a church.
1203 00:53:59 Come on.
1204 00:54:00 Okay. Yeah?
1205 00:54:02 Yeah. Great! I'll see you in there!
1206 00:54:04 Let's go to midnight mass together.
1207 00:54:06 Okay. Yeah, if you say so.
1208 00:54:09 Save us a seat.
1209 00:54:10 How fucked up are you right now?
1210 00:54:14 I'm not fucked up at all, Betsy.I'm your rock.
1211 00:54:16 You look like a crack rock.
1212 00:54:18 I'm not. Don't say that.Are you mad at me?
1213 00:54:20 - No, just walk normal, please.- I'm walking normal.
1214 00:54:22 No, you're not.
1215 00:54:24 Don't put it there, Isaac.
1216 00:54:27 And it's gone.
1217 00:54:28 Hi. Merry Christmas.
1218 00:54:37 Are you giving birth to piss?
1219 00:54:39 Oh, my God. I'm justtrying not to shit my pants.
1220 00:54:42 - You should.- I should?
1221 00:54:44 You should just do it. Why not?
1222 00:54:45 I should just drop a deuce in my shorts.
1223 00:54:47 Just do it!
1224 00:54:49 That's great. Two more assholesthat don't give a fuck about Christmas.
1225 00:54:52 What?
1226 00:54:53 What are you guys doing?
1227 00:54:55 Santa pub crawl, bro!
1228 00:54:56 Guys, Santa Claus is avery meaningful thing to a lot of people.
1229 00:55:01 A lot of children!
1230 00:55:04 Here's the thing, man. For those kids,they're living a fucking lie!
1231 00:55:08 Yeah. Spoiler alert:
1232 00:55:09 Santa's not real, you pricky infant.
1233 00:55:11 This is a costume!
1234 00:55:13 But when you put on that costumeand you portray Santa Claus...
1235 00:55:17 you're taking a solemn oathto represent certain values...
1236 00:55:22 that it represents!
1237 00:55:24 You know who you remind me of?One of my angry elves.
1238 00:55:27 Fuck! No. Look, don't call me an elf.
1239 00:55:29 I think you got him with that one, Santa.
1240 00:55:30 Fuck you, "don't call me an elf!"Motherfucker!
1241 00:55:32 Get back to the workshop!You work for us, elf!
1242 00:55:34 Go back to the workshop, elf!
1243 00:55:37 This little elf has no friendson Christmas.
1244 00:55:40 My friends are just down there.
1245 00:55:42 Where are they? We're friends.We even dressed the same...
1246 00:55:46 but you, you're all alone,just like a fucking dum-dum.
1247 00:55:49 Oh, my God. Are you gonna cry?
1248 00:55:51 Did Mommy and Daddyleave you alone on Christmas?
1249 00:55:54 Oh, shit!
1250 00:55:55 That's for disrespectingthe spirit of Christmas!
1251 00:56:02 Oh, fuck.
1252 00:56:06 Fuck you!
1253 00:56:07 Man, this really feels likeit's about something else here.
1254 00:56:09 It's about this and only this!Nothing else!
1255 00:56:12 I think you're sublimating, man.
1256 00:56:14 I do not wanna hurt you, man.
1257 00:56:16 No, no, no. I wanna hurt him.He sucker-punched me.
1258 00:56:21 You fucking frat boys!
1259 00:56:23 I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
1260 00:56:25 I teach third grade, bitch!
1261 00:56:27 I shape our nation's youth!
1262 00:56:30 What is with this holiday?
1263 00:56:32 It just fucks with people's heads.
1264 00:56:37 This needs to be important to you.
1265 00:56:38 - It's ringing.- Okay.
1266 00:56:47 Hey.
1267 00:56:48 Hey! Hi!
1268 00:56:50 Does Isaac have Sarah's phoneby any chance?
1269 00:56:54 Yeah, he has it.
1270 00:56:56 - He has it.- Thank God.
1271 00:56:58 So relax.
1272 00:56:59 There is some very sensitive informationon there.
1273 00:57:01 It's incredibly sensitive.Wow, what's on the phone?
1274 00:57:04 You don't need to know.
1275 00:57:05 How's the party? Is it as dumbas you thought it'd be?
1276 00:57:08 Actually, it's kind of amazing.It's really fun...
1277 00:57:11 and you should get here. Quickly.
1278 00:57:13 What?
1279 00:57:15 Really?
1280 00:57:16 You want me to come there? To see you?
1281 00:57:19 That's what I'm saying.Come on!
1282 00:57:21 Do you like him again?
1283 00:57:23 Can we not have that conversation...
1284 00:57:24 - right now?- I'm just saying.
1285 00:57:25 Okay.
1286 00:57:27 Okay. We'll see you soon.
1287 00:57:32 Give us this day our daily bread
1288 00:57:35 And forgive us our trespasses
1289 00:57:40 - I'm praying.- I think that's a Jewish thing.
1290 00:57:42 - I can't do that here?- No.
1291 00:57:44 It's the same God.
1292 00:57:46 I did it.
1293 00:57:48 What's everyone doing?
1294 00:57:49 Sit.
1295 00:57:51 Sit down.
1296 00:57:54 - This is so cool.- Whisper.
1297 00:57:57 - Are we supposed to participate?- No.
1298 00:57:59 Hallelu!
1299 00:58:00 No. Not that kind of church.
1300 00:58:02 No?
1301 00:58:03 You're my rock, right?Can you be my rock?
1302 00:58:05 Because you're acting like a weird pebble.
1303 00:58:07 Okay. I think I'm good.
1304 00:58:09 Be a rock.
1305 00:58:21 Fuck you.
1306 00:58:23 What's up with this fucking kid over here?
1307 00:58:25 What?
1308 00:58:26 What's this kid doing?
1309 00:58:29 Look over there.
1310 00:58:31 Look away, dude. Look away!
1311 00:58:34 Stop.
1312 00:58:36 Please don't hiss at a kid.
1313 00:58:37 He's fucking with me.
1314 00:58:38 I don't think he's talking to you at all.
1315 00:58:41 Who's that guy?
1316 00:58:43 What guy?
1317 00:58:44 - The guy on the cross.- Jesus!
1318 00:58:45 - Oh, Jesus.- Stop it.
1319 00:58:47 Oh, Jesus Christ.
1320 00:58:48 - Is that what they think we did to him?- Yeah.
1321 00:58:49 - Can you tell I'm Jewish?- Yes.
1322 00:58:51 - How?- Your fucking sweater.
1323 00:58:54 - I'm sorry.- Isaac, stop talking.
1324 00:58:58 Isaac. Isaac, what are you doing?
1325 00:59:01 Don't throw up.Don't you dare throw up in here.
1326 00:59:04 Swallow it like a girl would.
1327 00:59:06 Swallow it.
1328 00:59:07 Did you do it?Let me see your mouth.
1329 00:59:10 Don't throw up on me.
1330 00:59:11 Where's the barf bag?
1331 00:59:13 There's no barf bags!
1332 00:59:14 Stop it! No, stop it, Isaac!
1333 00:59:21 Jesus fucking Christ!
1334 00:59:25 - He just threw up.- Yeah.
1335 00:59:28 Oh, Jesus, fuck me.
1336 00:59:32 - Is it still happening?- It's still happening a little.
1337 00:59:40 We did not kill Jesus!
1338 00:59:42 We did not do that!
1339 00:59:55 Give me my weed, you Grinch!
1340 01:00:00 Shit!
1341 01:00:08 Come on!
1342 01:00:27 Fuck!
1343 01:00:32 What the fuck are you doing?
1344 01:00:33 No, what are you doing, man?
1345 01:00:35 You have friends who want tospend the holidays with you.
1346 01:00:37 You're lucky you have that.
1347 01:00:39 You need to appreciate thatbefore you lose them.
1348 01:00:42 That's your Christmas lesson.That's why I'm taking this shit.
1349 01:00:45 My boy Hans Gruber died like this.
1350 01:00:50 No!
1351 01:01:12 What the hell?
1352 01:01:16 - Help!- Isaac.
1353 01:01:18 - What you doing, man?- Thank God!
1354 01:01:19 Dude, we've got to get to this partyor I'm gonna get fucking divorced.
1355 01:01:22 Help me. How does this thing work?
1356 01:01:23 You got to use your MetroCard.Go this way.
1357 01:01:25 Do it, do it, do it.
1358 01:01:27 All right. Go.
1359 01:01:30 Did you get the weed back?
1360 01:01:31 Shit got weird.I don't wanna talk about it.
1361 01:01:33 Did you get your phone back?
1362 01:01:35 No. Not at all. That's a long story.Look. Hey!
1363 01:01:37 Oh, shit! What the fuck happened to you?
1364 01:01:39 I got beat upby a couple of Santa Clauses.
1365 01:01:41 You got beat up?
1366 01:01:43 Fuck. When?
1367 01:01:45 When? You know, a little bitafter you guys ran off without me.
1368 01:01:49 But why did they beat you up?
1369 01:01:50 I don't know why they beat me up!
1370 01:01:51 Did they mug you?Did they take the tickets?
1371 01:01:53 No, they didn't take the fucking tickets!
1372 01:01:54 Then why would they do it?
1373 01:01:56 I don't know.
1374 01:01:57 You don't know?Did they say anything?
1375 01:02:00 They're just a couple of drunk assholes!
1376 01:02:01 Look, it wouldn't have happenedif you guys didn't bail on me.
1377 01:02:05 What the fuck is that?
1378 01:02:06 Don't do this now.Please don't do this now!
1379 01:02:09 So what's up with you, man?Why are you mad at us?
1380 01:02:11 Why you blame everything badthat happens to you on us?
1381 01:02:13 I'm just saying this is thelast chance we get to do this...
1382 01:02:16 and you guys are so wrapped upin your own shit...
1383 01:02:17 you don't really care about Christmas.
1384 01:02:18 What does that even mean?
1385 01:02:19 When was the last timeyou checked your phone, Chris?
1386 01:02:22 Are you sure one of your famous friends...
1387 01:02:24 isn't trying to get a hold of youasking you to fetch him something?
1388 01:02:26 You used to hate guys like that.
1389 01:02:28 I get it. I get some success.I get some new friends and you're jealous.
1390 01:02:31 Look at you. So you're a success?
1391 01:02:34 You want to talk aboutyour newfound success?
1392 01:02:35 I don't need to talk about it.
1393 01:02:36 You don't think your two best friendssee through that shit?
1394 01:02:38 See through what? Let's talk about it.What do you see, Isaac?
1395 01:02:41 I don't see anything.I don't see through anything.
1396 01:02:42 You're 34 years old.
1397 01:02:44 Most professional athletesretire right now...
1398 01:02:46 but you just got good. How is that?
1399 01:02:48 Practice.
1400 01:02:49 I told you. It was a new diet.A new regimen.
1401 01:02:51 A new regimen?That's what you call it?
1402 01:02:54 Yeah, that's what I call it.What you call it?
1403 01:02:56 I think I call it putting a needlein your ass. That's what I call it.
1404 01:02:59 Okay. Fine.
1405 01:03:01 I'm on steroids, now what?
1406 01:03:03 Newsflash: Everybody's on steroids!
1407 01:03:05 You're a cheater.
1408 01:03:06 At least I'm doing something with my life.
1409 01:03:08 What about you? Sitting aroundwasting your fucking life away.
1410 01:03:11 No girlfriend, no money.
1411 01:03:13 Dude, you make musicthat people have never heard.
1412 01:03:17 It's the saddest shitI've ever seen in my life!
1413 01:03:19 Are you fucking serious right now?
1414 01:03:20 Yeah! You need to get yourfucking life together. Tell him, Isaac.
1415 01:03:22 You shut up! You're ruining my trip!
1416 01:03:25 It's really fucked up.
1417 01:03:27 Fuck this!Going to the best party of my life...
1418 01:03:30 and I'm not wearing some pseudo-racist,fake-ass acrylic sweater!
1419 01:03:34 - Don't take off that sweater!- I'm taking the sweater off!
1420 01:03:37 - Don't take off the sweater.- Put the fucking sweater back on!
1421 01:03:39 I'm taking the fucking sweater off!
1422 01:03:42 Stupid.
1423 01:04:15 May I help you?
1424 01:04:18 I have these tickets.
1425 01:04:34 Come with me.
1426 01:04:42 Come on.
1427 01:04:47 Get in there.
1428 01:05:18 May I take your coats, gentlemen?
1429 01:05:42 All aboard!
1430 01:06:25 I'm going to find Owens.
1431 01:06:28 Gonna find my phone.
1432 01:06:32 I'm gonna go find Diana.
1433 01:06:38 Oh, shit, Messiah,White Jesus in the building.
1434 01:06:41 C-Money in the hizzle.
1435 01:06:43 - Yo, man.- I see you made it.
1436 01:06:44 I wasn't able to get the weed, man.Shit fell apart. You know what I mean?
1437 01:06:46 I forgot I even asked you.You want some weed?
1438 01:06:48 Have some weed.
1439 01:06:50 But.... All right.
1440 01:06:52 You got a whole fuckingdump truck of weed?
1441 01:06:55 Dro fo' sho'.
1442 01:06:57 - So this it, huh?- Oh, this is it, baby.
1443 01:06:59 The Nutcracker Ball!
1444 01:07:01 Yeah!
1445 01:07:04 Having an emergency!
1446 01:07:06 - Oh, my God.- Sarah!
1447 01:07:08 Sarah!
1448 01:07:10 Are you fucking kidding me?
1449 01:07:11 Get off of me!What the fuck, dude?
1450 01:07:13 I'm sorry! I'm just happy!
1451 01:07:14 - You're so fucking sweaty.- I know. It's warm and I'm on Molly.
1452 01:07:17 - Oh, my God! Is that my phone?- It is your phone. Do you have my phone?
1453 01:07:19 - Take your piece-of-shit phone back.- It's the same phone.
1454 01:07:21 That's why we got them mixed up.
1455 01:07:23 - But this has some serious shit on it.- I know.
1456 01:07:24 Wait. You didn't look at it, did you?
1457 01:07:26 You didn't look at any shit on my phone,did you?
1458 01:07:27 - No.- Good.
1459 01:07:28 You didn't look at anything on my phone,did you?
1460 01:07:30 I just wanna tell you...
1461 01:07:32 good job.
1462 01:07:34 You did fucking look at my phone.
1463 01:07:36 I didn't want to.The texts just were coming in.
1464 01:07:38 What is the matter with you?
1465 01:07:39 All these gorgeous dick pics.A-plus dick pics.
1466 01:07:41 - That's a boss hog.- Wait a second, really?
1467 01:07:43 That dick soft is liketwo of my dicks hard.
1468 01:07:45 Do you think, like, it would be....
1469 01:07:47 Do you think I could, like, handle it?
1470 01:07:49 There was a moment where I thoughthe was wanting me to handle it...
1471 01:07:52 and I had to wrap my head around itfor a second, and I thought to myself:
1472 01:07:54 "You know what? You hunker down,you could take that bad boy."
1473 01:07:56 - Really?- Yeah.
1474 01:07:58 That guy James, whoever James is,he's got a fantastic cock on him.
1475 01:08:00 Yo! Did somebody say cock?
1476 01:08:03 What's up?
1477 01:08:04 - Hey.- What are you guys talking about?
1478 01:08:05 - Nothing.- Hey, what's up, bro? I'm James.
1479 01:08:06 - I'm Isaac.- You don't need to meet him.
1480 01:08:08 That's your dick!
1481 01:08:10 - Oh, shit!- I'm the guy who had the phone!
1482 01:08:12 - You saw my dick?- Did I ever! Oh, my God!
1483 01:08:14 He almost sucked my dick.
1484 01:08:16 I would have if I'd knownit was you, maybe.
1485 01:08:17 Oh, shit! Are you guys a couple?
1486 01:08:19 - No, no. We're friends.- Am I the third wheel?
1487 01:08:20 No, no. You're the first wheel.
1488 01:08:21 - Am I the third wheel?- Not at all.
1489 01:08:23 Honestly, I was with two other guysall night and now I'm in a fight with them....
1490 01:08:26 Oh, really? Two other guys?
1491 01:08:28 I'd love to hang outwith two other people.
1492 01:08:29 Is that a challenge?
1493 01:08:31 It might be! Yeah.
1494 01:08:32 I don't know who I'm gonna start with,but I know who I'm gonna end with.
1495 01:08:35 Well, let's get started right now!
1496 01:08:37 - You guys wanna dance?- I would love to dance.
1497 01:08:39 - I would love to dance.- You wanna dance?
1498 01:08:41 Let's do it! Come on, Isaac!
1499 01:08:43 Oh, my God. This is so nice!This is the best!
1500 01:08:45 What a turn of events!
1501 01:08:46 What?
1502 01:08:59 Holy fucking shit!
1503 01:09:11 You're Miley Cyrus.
1504 01:09:12 Yeah.
1505 01:09:14 No, you don't understand.
1506 01:09:15 I was just looking for this girlthat I love, and she loves you.
1507 01:09:18 Oh, God, no. I did that with two fansone time. It got super awkward.
1508 01:09:21 That's not what I meant. Sorry, you don'tunderstand. That'd be awesome....
1509 01:09:24 But, no, I just mean....
1510 01:09:26 This has gotta be some kind of Christmasmiracle, because she talks about you...
1511 01:09:30 and your song a lot.
1512 01:09:32 And I love this girl. I'm starting to realize,tonight, she's the love of my life.
1513 01:09:36 And I wanted tonight to be sort of aspecial night for me and her.
1514 01:09:39 - Now you're here and....- You want to propose tonight?
1515 01:09:43 Oh, my God! That is so romantic.That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
1516 01:09:46 I mean, I was just thinking you couldlike dedicate a song to her.
1517 01:09:48 What? You gotta propose!
1518 01:09:51 Come on! It's Christmas.It's like, go big or go fucking home!
1519 01:09:54 I mean, you love this girl.You say you love her, right?
1520 01:09:57 Yeah. But I don't knowif tonight's the right time for...
1521 01:10:00 Oh, God. Are you one of those guysthat are always making up excuses?
1522 01:10:03 I fucking hate those kind of guys.
1523 01:10:05 No, Miley Cyrus,I'm not one of those guys.
1524 01:10:06 All right, then don't be a pussy!You got to propose to her!
1525 01:10:09 There's all this magic in the air,people want to fall in love.
1526 01:10:13 Okay. Okay!Then I will!
1527 01:10:15 This is a sign if I've ever seen a sign!
1528 01:10:17 - It's gonna be fucking awesome.- I'm gonna propose!
1529 01:10:20 Yeah, you're gonna propose!And I'm gonna help you out.
1530 01:10:21 We're gonna propose!Oh, my God! We're gonna propose!
1531 01:10:24 We're gonna propose! Okay!
1532 01:10:27 Miley Cyrus, this is the nicest thingthat anyone's ever done for me!
1533 01:10:29 You gotta stop calling me Miley Cyrus.
1534 01:10:31 - What should I call you?- Hannah.
1535 01:10:34 Just kidding. I'm drunk.Let's do this thing!
1536 01:10:36 - What's up, man?- Hey, Chris.
1537 01:10:38 - Yeah, what up, boy?- Hey, what's up, K?
1538 01:10:41 Hey, Reverend Run, man.It's your boy, Reverend Run.
1539 01:10:43 What that supposed to mean?
1540 01:10:45 Hey, Messiah.Check this shit out, dude.
1541 01:10:48 Oh, shit. Is that you?The fuck is that?
1542 01:10:51 Nah, it was a Make-A-Wish thing, man.
1543 01:10:52 Those two kids have Crohn's disease.It was their wish to do karaoke with me.
1544 01:10:56 Man, damn dog,you look just as white as they do.
1545 01:10:59 - Yeah, which one are you?- Look at that sweater!
1546 01:11:04 I got you!I got you! I got you!
1547 01:11:07 Oh, man!
1548 01:11:09 - Yeah!- Yeah.
1549 01:11:10 - You're a great dancer, man.- Oh, thanks, dude.
1550 01:11:12 Appreciate it. I'm pretty highon Molly right now.
1551 01:11:15 I'm high too. I'm high too.
1552 01:11:17 - I am digging this beard.- Thanks, man.
1553 01:11:20 - Yo, carpet match the drapes?- Yeah, I got a big bush.
1554 01:11:23 My carpet matches my drapes.
1555 01:11:26 Look at this guy!He's furry all over!
1556 01:11:29 Nice!
1557 01:11:31 You need to get the fuck out of here.You're being a huge cockblock.
1558 01:11:33 I'm not being a cockblock.
1559 01:11:35 - Yes, you are!- What the fuck are you talking about?
1560 01:11:36 I don't think I could block this guy's cock.It'd take ten men to block that thing.
1561 01:11:43 - Merry Christmas, New York City!- Oh, no. Miley's here?
1562 01:11:46 Miley Cyrus?
1563 01:11:48 We clawed, we chained Our hearts in vain
1564 01:11:52 We jumped
1565 01:11:54 Never asking why
1566 01:11:56 - This is great!- This is so cool.
1567 01:11:58 Where's Diana?This is, like, our song.
1568 01:12:00 A love no one could deny
1569 01:12:04 All right, everybody,give it up to my friend.
1570 01:12:06 What the fuck is your name again?
1571 01:12:07 - Ethan.- Ethan!
1572 01:12:13 Don't you ever say I just walked away
1573 01:12:17 I will always want you
1574 01:12:22 I forgot these words
1575 01:12:24 Doesn't matter though
1576 01:12:26 I will always want you
1577 01:12:31 I came in like a wrecking ball
1578 01:12:35 I never hit so hard in love
1579 01:12:39 All I wanted was to break your walls
1580 01:12:43 All you ever did was wreck me
1581 01:12:48 Yeah, you
1582 01:12:49 You wreck me
1583 01:12:51 Yeah!
1584 01:12:54 Diana....
1585 01:12:58 Dude, can you move?
1586 01:12:59 In the red. Move.Yeah, thanks.
1587 01:13:03 Diana...
1588 01:13:05 listen, I know we're not really evengoing out anymore...
1589 01:13:08 and that's because I wouldn't commit.
1590 01:13:11 - This is crazy.- But I'm ready to commit. Hard.
1591 01:13:13 I'm ready to commit
1592 01:13:16 Hard like a wrecking ball.
1593 01:13:19 You're the best thingthat's ever happened to me, girl.
1594 01:13:22 You make me laugh. You're cool as hell.You don't take any shit.
1595 01:13:26 None of his shit
1596 01:13:27 You're smarter than I am.
1597 01:13:28 - You're probably better than I deserve.- This is so romantic.
1598 01:13:31 But go big or go home.Right, Miley?
1599 01:13:33 No, E.
1600 01:13:34 Go big or go home
1601 01:13:38 When I let you go,that was just me fucking up...
1602 01:13:41 but I don't wanna ever let you go again.Not now, not ever.
1603 01:13:44 And definitely not on fucking Christmas!
1604 01:13:46 On fucking Christmas
1605 01:13:49 So this is it, Diana.
1606 01:13:50 - Only live once, bro!- Stop encouraging him, James.
1607 01:13:54 Will you marry me?
1608 01:13:57 Say yes. Yes.
1609 01:14:05 - Yes.- Yeah!
1610 01:14:07 - Fuck!- Yes!
1611 01:14:10 I came in like a wrecking ball
1612 01:14:14 I never hit so hard in love
1613 01:14:18 All I wanted was to break your walls
1614 01:14:22 All you ever did was wreck me
1615 01:14:26 I came in like a wrecking ball
1616 01:14:28 Okay, I gotta go find my friend real fast.Excuse me.
1617 01:14:31 Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swungLeft me crashing in a blazing fall
1618 01:14:36 I'm gonna be right back.
1619 01:14:38 Y'all stay black.
1620 01:14:39 - Hey.- Yeah?
1621 01:14:41 All this romance is getting me really hot.
1622 01:14:43 You wanna go back to the hotel room?
1623 01:14:44 Hey, I feel like you might be gay.
1624 01:14:47 - Not right now, I'm not.- Okay.
1625 01:14:49 - All right.- Okay.
1626 01:14:51 Oh, my fucking God! Oh, my God!
1627 01:14:52 Oh, my God!This is the greatest night of our lives!
1628 01:14:54 - That was crazy.- That's so crazy, right?
1629 01:14:56 Listen, I'm sorry about the ring.I'll get you a ring, I promise.
1630 01:15:00 We can do that tomorrow.
1631 01:15:01 No, Ethan, I'm not going to marry you.
1632 01:15:03 What do you mean?
1633 01:15:04 We're not even together.
1634 01:15:07 I haven't even spoken to you in,like, three months!
1635 01:15:09 Yes, I addressed that in the speech.
1636 01:15:10 I know, and then you show up hereand you propose to me...
1637 01:15:12 in front of hundreds and hundredsof people.
1638 01:15:15 That's crazy.
1639 01:15:16 Wait, I'm sorry.We're not getting married? This is a no?
1640 01:15:19 No! It's a no! No!
1641 01:15:22 I'm so sorry that you're clearlygoing through a lot right now.
1642 01:15:25 I'm sorry that your friends don't wannahang out with you on Christmas.
1643 01:15:28 I understand that that's hard for you.
1644 01:15:30 That is not a reason for youto grab onto me like I'm your lifeline!
1645 01:15:35 Why'd you say yes?
1646 01:15:37 I said yes becauseeverybody was looking at me.
1647 01:15:39 I said yes, because Miley clearly wantedme to say yes!
1648 01:15:42 And I didn't want Miley to thinkthat I hated love!
1649 01:15:46 That's understandable.
1650 01:15:48 I wouldn't want that either.
1651 01:15:50 Okay, look, I....
1652 01:15:54 I was really just trying to do what Ithought you wanted me to do...
1653 01:15:56 and that's because I love you.
1654 01:15:58 It's been three months, I haven't stopped.
1655 01:16:00 I'm not gonna stop.
1656 01:16:02 I'm not your answer...
1657 01:16:04 right now, Ethan.
1658 01:16:07 Wait, wait. No, no.Can we talk?
1659 01:16:17 Oh, my God! Hi!
1660 01:16:20 - You're Tommy Owens!- Yeah, yeah, thank you.
1661 01:16:21 You're the Messiah!
1662 01:16:22 You really are the Messiah!You saved my fantasy team last year, bro!
1663 01:16:25 - I'm a huge fan of yours.- All right, that's good to know.
1664 01:16:27 You have a good night.
1665 01:16:28 - You're big in real life.- Pleasure, man.
1666 01:16:29 Look, can you help me out?
1667 01:16:30 We have a friend in common. Chris.
1668 01:16:34 - I'm looking for my buddy Ethan.- Oh, shit.
1669 01:16:37 - Hey!- I'm sorry!
1670 01:16:40 I'm sorry, I got it. I got it.
1671 01:16:45 Oh, no.
1672 01:16:46 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.- Are you okay?
1673 01:16:47 Hey, it's glass, man.Why you picking it up?
1674 01:16:49 I'm just trying to help out, man.
1675 01:16:51 - Come on.- Oh, shit!
1676 01:16:55 Holy shit!
1677 01:16:57 I'm sorry!
1678 01:16:59 The Jewish guy crucified the Messiah!
1679 01:17:01 It was rabbi dancing motherfucker!
1680 01:17:05 It's happening again!
1681 01:17:09 Ethan! Ethan!Diana!
1682 01:17:13 Congratulations!
1683 01:17:14 - No! Stop congratulating me!- What? What happened?
1684 01:17:17 Just go talk to Ethan.
1685 01:17:19 Shit.
1686 01:17:21 I'm sorry! I'm sorry!I think he's gonna be fine.
1687 01:17:25 Please, punch him in the face!
1688 01:17:26 I thought the Messiahpreached forgiveness!
1689 01:17:28 Look at me, asshole.What the fuck wrong with you?
1690 01:17:30 - Who the fuck are you?- Hey. He's my friend!
1691 01:17:33 Back off, man!
1692 01:17:36 Yo! Back the fuck up, all right?
1693 01:17:38 Oh, shit just got real, huh?Yeah, go ahead and punch him, man.
1694 01:17:41 TMZ will love that shit.
1695 01:17:43 I got the biggest motherfucking phoneon the planet.
1696 01:17:45 And your ass will be trendingin 10 minutes.
1697 01:17:48 Who in here follow Chrisrob11?
1698 01:17:51 Put your fucking hands down!
1699 01:17:52 - His social media game is crazy!- Crazy!
1700 01:17:54 Run.
1701 01:17:56 Go, go. Get out there. No! No!
1702 01:17:59 No. No! No!
1703 01:18:00 Yeah!
1704 01:18:01 - No, no!- I'm a lawyer! I'm a lawyer!
1705 01:18:18 - Magical night, isn't it?- Jesus. You scared me.
1706 01:18:22 Mr. Green.
1707 01:18:24 Man, you're everywhere tonight.
1708 01:18:27 I end every Christmas at this party.
1709 01:18:30 What do you mean? How do you get in?
1710 01:18:31 It's my party.
1711 01:18:33 What?
1712 01:18:34 About 20 years ago...
1713 01:18:36 I read The Great Gatsby.
1714 01:18:39 I love that book.
1715 01:18:41 Movie's all right,3D gives me a headache...
1716 01:18:43 but I'm a sucker for Leo.
1717 01:18:47 So this guy...
1718 01:18:49 he throws all these partiesand nobody knows who he is.
1719 01:18:52 I thought,"Wow, that's pretty fucking cool."
1720 01:18:55 My cousin Larry's got thisgiant warehouse in Brooklyn...
1721 01:18:58 figured I'm working on Christmasanyway, so I should do it too.
1722 01:19:02 We started out pretty small.
1723 01:19:05 Just a punch bowl and some sleigh bells...
1724 01:19:08 and it gets bigger and bigger every year.This year we added that train.
1725 01:19:12 Through the trippy tunnel of lights.
1726 01:19:14 - Cool way to enter a party, right?- Yeah.
1727 01:19:18 What'd you think of Miley?
1728 01:19:20 Yeah, she was great.She was great.
1729 01:19:24 Ethan, you and I both know,Miley was flawless.
1730 01:19:28 Something's bugging you.
1731 01:19:34 Your friends, they ain't gonna leave you.
1732 01:19:37 They need you, kid.
1733 01:19:39 How do you know about that?
1734 01:19:42 Smoke this.
1735 01:19:44 Nah, I'm good, man.Weed makes me paranoid now.
1736 01:19:47 This is the staff of life.
1737 01:19:50 Okay.
1738 01:19:52 You're making me a little uncomfortable.
1739 01:19:54 I've been told my quiet intensityhas that effect on people.
1740 01:19:59 But sometimes...
1741 01:20:01 being uncomfortable can be a good thing.
1742 01:20:19 Fuck it. Thanks.
1743 01:20:38 - Hey.- Hey, man.
1744 01:20:39 - Sup, dude?- What are you guys doing here?
1745 01:20:41 We just thought maybeyou'd wanna hang out.
1746 01:20:45 Some company or something.
1747 01:20:46 Just say what's up.
1748 01:20:49 That's cool.
1749 01:20:50 I'm packing all this shit up.
1750 01:20:52 Old people have so much stuff.You guys remember that.
1751 01:20:54 You have to throw things away in life.
1752 01:20:57 For sure.
1753 01:21:01 - Play some Nintendo?- Yeah, N64?
1754 01:21:03 I think I'm just gonna chill here.
1755 01:21:06 I appreciate you guys coming over,but I think I'm just gonna...
1756 01:21:09 No, man. Fuck that, dude.It's Christmas.
1757 01:21:12 You can't be alone.Let's hang out.
1758 01:21:17 Go to my mom's house.Play some "GoldenEye."
1759 01:21:20 Come on. Look, I got some whiskey.
1760 01:21:22 I stole some hash from my brother.Rolled it in this doob.
1761 01:21:25 We get pretty fucked up.
1762 01:21:34 I'm sorry.
1763 01:21:35 - No. It's cool.- It's all good, man.
1764 01:21:37 It's okay, man.
1765 01:21:46 I just miss them.
1766 01:21:49 We miss them too.
1767 01:21:50 Yeah, man.
1768 01:21:52 But you know what?
1769 01:21:53 We're your new family now.
1770 01:21:56 I'll be your daddy,Chris'll be your mommy.
1771 01:21:58 No, I'm gonna be the daddy,you be the mom.
1772 01:22:01 You guys are good friends.
1773 01:22:02 We'll be here whenever you need us, man.
1774 01:22:04 Always, man.
1775 01:22:05 Yeah, always there for you, bro.
1776 01:22:10 You can't smoke that in here.
1777 01:22:13 Figure we can now.
1778 01:22:16 - Yeah.- Yeah.
1779 01:22:18 - Fuck, that's crazy.- What we hiding this for?
1780 01:22:20 Take a hit, dude.
1781 01:22:22 A little bit for the homeys.
1782 01:22:23 It's so cold outside too.
1783 01:22:25 We should go to Christmas Treeat Rockefeller Center.
1784 01:22:28 - Yes.- That's a good idea.
1785 01:22:30 Then we go to FAO Schwarz....
1786 01:22:32 And we dance on the piano!
1787 01:22:34 - Like Tom Hanks in Big.- "Heart and Soul."
1788 01:22:36 Then we eat Chinese food,because I'm fucking high.
1789 01:22:38 And then go to the karaoke spotright by the Chinese food place.
1790 01:22:41 That's a fucking good idea.
1791 01:22:44 It's a dope night.
1792 01:22:52 That was fucking touching, yo.
1793 01:22:56 Those are some ride-or-die homeysyou got there.
1794 01:22:58 Cherish that shit.
1795 01:23:02 It's all different now.
1796 01:23:04 Those guys don't need me anymore.
1797 01:23:06 Oh, yeah? Listen.
1798 01:23:08 We need him!We're not leaving without him!
1799 01:23:11 He's my best friend in the whole world.I can't leave him here.
1800 01:23:13 Don't let the red noses fool you,these fuckers are tough.
1801 01:23:16 What if I run in,and you try to climb in a window?
1802 01:23:18 Maybe if you boost me upwe can get around them.
1803 01:23:20 No, I can't boost you,you're too heavy, man.
1804 01:23:21 We need our friendand we'll never leave him behind!
1805 01:23:24 - Hand him over, reindeer!- Yo!
1806 01:23:27 I'll charge and you go.
1807 01:23:28 - There he is!- Hey!
1808 01:23:29 Thank God, we've beenlooking everywhere for you!
1809 01:23:31 Rudolph is kicking our ass!
1810 01:23:33 - I'm here!- Get down here so we can go!
1811 01:23:35 Here I come!
1812 01:23:36 Come around!
1813 01:23:39 I got your nose!
1814 01:23:41 I got your nose, asshole!
1815 01:23:43 How about that, Rudolph?
1816 01:23:47 - Thanks, Mr. Green.- You're welcome.
1817 01:23:57 It was a pretty dumb thing you did.
1818 01:23:59 I know. I didn't think it through at all.
1819 01:24:01 I just saw her at the bar and just....
1820 01:24:03 I don't know man,I really, really like this girl.
1821 01:24:05 I can't help it.
1822 01:24:07 I was scared of being aloneand did some stupid shit.
1823 01:24:11 I think she just wanted you to do...
1824 01:24:13 some normal shit that boyfriends doafter two years of dating.
1825 01:24:16 But I'm not normal. You know this.I'm not normal.
1826 01:24:18 Bunch of abnormal shit happened to me.
1827 01:24:21 Or, I don't know,maybe that's just an excuse.
1828 01:24:25 I guess I'm pretty good at making excuses.
1829 01:24:28 - Yeah.- All the time.
1830 01:24:30 If you get paid for thatyou'd be really successful.
1831 01:24:33 Why didn't you tell me?
1832 01:24:34 You know, it's hard to tell someone.
1833 01:24:36 You have a good reasonto be making excuses.
1834 01:24:38 It's just kind of ruining your life.
1835 01:24:44 It's harder to stay friends with peoplewhen you're older.
1836 01:24:46 You have so muchof your own shit going on.
1837 01:24:49 We'll just have to try harder.
1838 01:24:52 It's important, you know?
1839 01:24:54 Come on.
1840 01:24:55 I really love you.
1841 01:24:57 I love you a lot.
1842 01:24:59 Thanks, man.
1843 01:25:02 Oh, no.
1844 01:25:04 - Oh, no.- What's up?
1845 01:25:06 I have 96 missed calls.
1846 01:25:08 Holy shit.
1847 01:25:09 - Oh, no, Betsy's gone into labor, I bet.- No.
1848 01:25:13 Why the fuck would she call thatmany times? Oh, no, she's calling again.
1849 01:25:16 Hello?
1850 01:25:18 Hello? Yes. All right.
1851 01:25:20 All right. That's fine.
1852 01:25:23 I will be right there.As fast as I can. Don't worry.
1853 01:25:29 Betsy's going into fucking labor.
1854 01:25:30 - What?- What?
1855 01:25:35 Oh, no! Oh, no!
1856 01:25:37 - Come on!- Oh, no!
1857 01:25:40 We'll never get a fucking cab over here!
1858 01:25:43 Wait, look!
1859 01:25:45 It's Mr. Green's car!It's a Christmas miracle!
1860 01:25:48 - Isaac, can you drive?- Yeah!
1861 01:25:50 No, no, no, I'm kidding! I'll drive!
1862 01:26:02 I believe I finally earned these.
1863 01:26:11 Come on. I got you. I got you.
1864 01:26:13 No, no, no. There you go.There you go.
1865 01:26:17 Get out of the way!
1866 01:26:28 Where is she? Where is she?
1867 01:26:33 Cindy? Where is she?Is everything okay?
1868 01:26:35 It's okay. Nothing happened.
1869 01:26:37 It was a false alarm.
1870 01:26:39 Oh, God!
1871 01:26:40 False alarm!
1872 01:26:42 Betsy?
1873 01:26:43 Thank God. I'm so sorry.
1874 01:26:45 Where were you?
1875 01:26:46 I made a mistake.I made a huge mistake.
1876 01:26:48 I called you.
1877 01:26:49 - I switched phones with Sarah.- From work?
1878 01:26:52 It's a long story.
1879 01:26:54 It doesn't matter. I just need totell you something. Okay?
1880 01:26:56 Okay.
1881 01:26:58 I'm gonna come clean with you.
1882 01:27:00 Those drugs you gave me...
1883 01:27:02 they sent me on a spirit quest.
1884 01:27:04 You know, like a spirit questin an Oliver Stone movie or Young Guns.
1885 01:27:08 And when that happenedI kind of realized...
1886 01:27:10 that maybe I've been lying to, maybe,myself and you...
1887 01:27:14 about how I really feel about some stuff.
1888 01:27:17 I'm just gonna show you this.
1889 01:27:18 - Just watch this.- Okay.
1890 01:27:21 This baby is a bad fucking call.I'm not ready for it!
1891 01:27:23 We got to do this responsible thingand I got to say...
1892 01:27:26 that we should not be having this baby!
1893 01:27:28 But get rid of this fucking baby!
1894 01:27:30 Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!
1895 01:27:32 Put it in a basketand push it down a fucking river!
1896 01:27:34 - Are you laughing?- This is hilarious.
1897 01:27:37 - Cunt!- Did you just call our baby a cunt?
1898 01:27:39 I forgot about that.
1899 01:27:41 Okay, I can't watch anymore.
1900 01:27:43 But honestly, I'm a little relieved.
1901 01:27:46 - You are?- Are you kidding me!
1902 01:27:47 I feel like such a dumb assholecompared to you sometimes.
1903 01:27:51 It's all been a lie. It's all been a front,because I'm fucking freaking out.
1904 01:27:53 It's all just been to compensatefor the fact that I don't know anything.
1905 01:27:56 This is good. You need to let it out.
1906 01:27:58 This is good?
1907 01:27:59 Yes. You need to not bottle it up.
1908 01:28:01 One of us has to be not freaking out.
1909 01:28:03 - I'm actually okay.- Really?
1910 01:28:06 All of a sudden I was just thinkingabout everything you've been saying...
1911 01:28:09 about how strong we are,and how we can handle it.
1912 01:28:12 And that made me feel better.
1913 01:28:14 Really?
1914 01:28:15 Yeah. I really feel like I can do this.
1915 01:28:19 Look at me.
1916 01:28:21 - I'm your rock.- You're my rock?
1917 01:28:23 I'm Dwayne.
1918 01:28:24 I get to have sexwith Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
1919 01:28:27 I love you, Isaac.
1920 01:28:29 I love you, dragon.
1921 01:28:31 Betsy.
1922 01:28:34 Did you say "Dragon Betsy"?
1923 01:28:37 I'm gonna keep being honest.
1924 01:28:38 I'm tripping my fucking balls off still,and you look like a dragon right now.
1925 01:28:41 - I do?- Yeah.
1926 01:28:45 Is that scary?
1927 01:28:46 It's intense.
1928 01:28:48 Let's just go. Can we just go?Let's just go.
1929 01:28:55 That's nice.
1930 01:29:03 What is it?
1931 01:29:10 Couldn't have been easy to tell me that.
1932 01:29:14 It's not gonna be easyto tell the world either.
1933 01:29:18 Guess we gonna lose the park, huh?
1934 01:29:20 Fuck that park. It got crackheads.
1935 01:29:23 Say the grace, boy.
1936 01:29:25 Yes, ma'am.
1937 01:29:28 Heavenly Father, thank youfor this food we're about to receive.
1938 01:29:31 Thank you for my momma.
1939 01:29:34 Thank you for my friendsand their families.
1940 01:30:10 - Hi.- Really?
1941 01:30:14 Are you gonna propose to me again?
1942 01:30:15 - No.- Are you sure?
1943 01:30:17 I just wanted to talk to you.
1944 01:30:18 And I have something to tell you...
1945 01:30:20 and I wanna tell it on Christmas.If that's all right? So...
1946 01:30:23 it can't wait. Can you justcome out here for a sec and we'll talk...
1947 01:30:25 and then I'll go. I promise.
1948 01:30:31 Okay. Fine.
1949 01:30:35 What?
1950 01:30:36 First of all, I'm sorry about last night.
1951 01:30:38 - I know that was stupid.- Yeah.
1952 01:30:44 And it was totally crazythat I wouldn't meet your parents.
1953 01:30:48 That was just me being really....
1954 01:30:50 Yeah. I agree with that.
1955 01:30:53 But I guess I was...
1956 01:30:56 I don't know, scared...
1957 01:30:58 because Chris and Isaac have beenmy family for the last 10 years...
1958 01:31:02 so I didn't wanna meet your family...
1959 01:31:04 because that would change everything.
1960 01:31:07 But everything changes, right?We all grow up...
1961 01:31:10 and that's a good thing,I wanna grow up. I do.
1962 01:31:14 I wanna grow up with you.
1963 01:31:17 And I do wanna have a family...
1964 01:31:20 other than two dudes.
1965 01:31:23 But I want that family to....
1966 01:31:28 I want it to be you.
1967 01:31:31 Which is probably worse than proposing...
1968 01:31:36 because now we're talkingabout you bearing my children.
1969 01:31:39 Yeah. It's a lot.
1970 01:31:41 But just pretend I'm saying it right,if you could.
1971 01:31:46 I'd rather be the guy, from now on...
1972 01:31:48 who says too much than not enough.
1973 01:31:51 If we're being honest,I should apologize to you also...
1974 01:31:56 for stalking you, a little bit.
1975 01:31:59 I knew that you were gonna beat that bar last night.
1976 01:32:03 You pretendedlike that was just coincidence.
1977 01:32:05 I did. And also...
1978 01:32:06 if we're confessing things...
1979 01:32:10 I do ask Betsy about you.
1980 01:32:14 Kind of all the time.
1981 01:32:16 She doesn't let on.
1982 01:32:17 I know. Because she's my friend.
1983 01:32:19 I ask her about you every time I see her.
1984 01:32:21 Oh, I know.
1985 01:32:23 She tells me every time you ask.
1986 01:32:25 She doesn't tell me that you ask her.
1987 01:32:26 She's a girl. That's how it works.
1988 01:32:31 Can I come in?
1989 01:32:33 In here?
1990 01:32:35 - This is my parents' house.- I know.
1991 01:32:38 I thought that you didn't do parents.
1992 01:32:41 I'll do your parents.
1993 01:32:44 Wow. Nice.
1994 01:32:46 Don't do my dad doggy-style.He's got very bad knees.
1995 01:32:50 He's an old man now.
1996 01:32:55 All right.
1997 01:32:56 - Hey.- Yo.
1998 01:32:58 I kind of wanna kiss you...
1999 01:33:01 but maybe not so soonafter saying I would do your parents.
2000 01:33:21 Come have sexwith my mother and my father.
2001 01:33:24 I thought you were saying,"Come have sex."
2002 01:33:26 With my mother and also my father.
2003 01:33:51 She won't sleep.
2004 01:33:52 - Can we try?- Are you sure?
2005 01:33:54 Showtime. Let's do it.
2006 01:33:56 Thank you.
2007 01:33:58 Hey, sweetie.
2008 01:34:00 This is the best.
2009 01:34:01 Come here, little sweetie.Come here.
2010 01:34:03 Come here, sweetie.
2011 01:34:05 Look who it is. Who are these guys?
2012 01:34:07 Look at that.
2013 01:34:09 Who are these guys here?
2014 01:34:11 - Should we do it?- Yeah, do it.
2015 01:34:47 That's good. Wow.
2016 01:34:53 How was that for a Christmas story?
2017 01:34:55 That was nice!
2018 01:34:57 That was some shit!
2019 01:34:58 Shit happened! Things went down!
2020 01:35:01 Lessons were learned.
2021 01:35:03 Friends are important,but relationships evolve.
2022 01:35:05 I'm so glad Ethan and Dianaended up together.
2023 01:35:08 I hope he get her pregnant.
2024 01:35:10 I'd like to give a special shout-outto my seed...
2025 01:35:12 for killing it again this Christmas.
2026 01:35:15 Best I ever did it!
2027 01:35:17 Shit, Pop. Thanks.
2028 01:35:19 Thanks for noticing.
2029 01:35:21 Right now, let the after-party begin!
2030 01:35:23 DJ Kevy Kev!
2031 01:35:24 Let's turn it up!
2032 01:35:27 Turn it up, now! Holla!