单身指南(How to Be Single)(CN/EN)Subtitles

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1 00:01:10 当单身狗是有正确方法的There is a right way to be single.
2 00:01:13 嗨 你好啊Hey. How are you?
3 00:01:16 嗨Hi.
4 00:01:18 噢 你多久办婚礼啊 ?Oh, when's your wedding?
5 00:01:19 遇到正确人选18个月后Eighteen months after I meet the right guy.
6 00:01:22 好吧Okay.
7 00:01:24 也有不正确的单身方法And a wrong way to be single.
8 00:01:27 然后还有这个男的And then there's this guy.
9 00:01:36 早上好啊Good morning.
10 00:01:38 嗨 那玩意需要我帮忙吗 ?Hi. You want a hand with that?
11 00:01:48 人们都已单身为耻We're embarrassed to admit we're single,
12 00:01:50 都想假装自己不是单身狗and try to pretend that we're not.
13 00:01:54 第三监察室需要你帮忙We need you in exam room 3.
14 00:01:58 我们应该以单身为荣We're supposed to act all cheerful
15 00:02:00 享受单身and happy about it.
16 00:02:03 干嘛 ?What?
17 00:02:04 但为什么我们却觉得可耻 ?But why should we be embarrassed?
18 00:02:07 单身生活更享受 被婚姻枷锁拷得更晚We're living longer, marrying later,
19 00:02:10 而且只要还能玩得动and refusing to leave the party
20 00:02:12 从不提前离开派对before we're really, really done.
21 00:02:14 所以说 为什么我们总是要拿有另一半来体现自身价值 ?So, why do we always tell our stories through relationships?
22 00:02:18 你家在哪 ?Where's home?
23 00:02:19 噢 我不回家的Oh, I'm not going home.
24 00:02:22 绝对没门No way.
25 00:02:33 该死Shit.
26 00:02:35 天啊 天啊- Oh, my god. - Oh, my god.
27 00:02:37 - 给 盖上 - 天啊天啊...Here, here. Oh, my god, oh, my god...
28 00:02:39 盖好了 别担心I gotcha. Here you go.
29 00:02:44 看来我没考虑周到I did not think this through.
30 00:02:51 我叫乔什I'm Josh.
31 00:02:53 我叫爱丽丝I'm Alice.
32 00:02:58 但是这个故事并不是讲恋爱的But this story isn't about relationships.
33 00:03:01 而是介于单身和恋爱之间It's about all those times in between
34 00:03:03 我们真正享受生活的时候when maybe, just maybe, our real life is happening.
35 00:03:08 我这不是和你分手 好吗 ?This isn't a break-up. Okay?
36 00:03:10 我们只是分开一段时间而已We're just taking some time apart.
37 00:03:12 是暂时性的 就像中场休息一样It's temporary. Like, it's... You know, it's like a break.
38 00:03:15 胡扯 !Bullshit!
39 00:03:16 乔什 我这一辈子都没独处过Josh, I've never been on my own.
40 00:03:20 我最开始就和父母一起住I went from living with my parents,
41 00:03:22 后来和室友一起住 现在又和你一起住to living in a dorm, to living with you.
42 00:03:25 但是我们很开心啊 爱丽丝But we're happy, Alice.
43 00:03:27 - 是吗 ? - 是啊Are we? Yeah.
44 00:03:28 应该说我们都是无趣的人吧 ?Or are we just boring?
45 00:03:30 我可不无趣 我这人可有意思了I'm not boring. I'm fucking fun.
46 00:03:33 我总是说我要做好多事I say I'm gonna do things all the time,
47 00:03:35 却从没找到时间付诸行动and I never, ever do them.
48 00:03:36 比如 我说我想学烹饪 或者上自卫课Like, I'm gonna learn to cook, or take a self-defense class
49 00:03:39 还有要去大峡谷徒步旅行or I'm gonna hike the Grand Canyon,
50 00:03:41 结果每样都没试过and I never, ever do it.
51 00:03:42 又不是我的错That's not my fault.
52 00:03:43 你自己说的穿靴子脚疼You said the boots made your feet hurt.
53 00:03:45 听着 如果我们真想长久走下去Look, if we really want this to work long term,
54 00:03:48 我必须得认识下真实的自己I need to know who I am alone
55 00:03:50 我不想余生都在思考"如果当初"这个问题and I don't want to spend my life wondering "What if?"
56 00:03:52 别犯傻好吗This is stupid.
57 00:03:53 只要你前脚踏出这间屋The minute you walk out of here
58 00:03:54 你就会想到我为你做了多少事you're gonna realize how much shit I do for you
59 00:03:56 我有多棒and how great I am
60 00:03:58 以及你有多需要我and how much you need me,
61 00:03:59 然后你就会到处尾行我and you're gonna start stalking me.
62 00:04:00 真是一个悲伤的故事And that's sad.
63 00:04:04 这样对我俩都好This is gonna be great for both of us.
64 00:04:06 少来吧Yeah.
65 00:04:08 我们得至少试一次单身的感觉We need to know what it's like to be single, at least once.
66 00:04:17 你就不能去和我朋友嘿咻一次吗 ?Can't you just fuck one of my friends?
67 00:04:20 做件好让我恨你的事Just do something to make me hate you.
68 00:04:23 这样做是正确的This is gonna be the right thing.
69 00:04:26 老天啊Oh, god.
70 00:04:30 我会想念你的奶子的I'm gonna miss your boobs.
71 00:05:01 不不不No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
72 00:05:04 这样信号会好点吗 ?Does this make it work?
73 00:05:08 好耶 !Yes! Yes.
74 00:05:11 很好 很好There, good. Good.
75 00:05:14 不不不No. No, no.
76 00:05:15 就这边Yes. Yes. Okay.
77 00:05:19 好好好 噢 !Yes. Yes, yes, good. Oh!
78 00:05:23 喔 !Whoa! Whoa!
79 00:05:45 喔 ! 噢 !Whoa! Whoa! Oh! Oh! Oh!
80 00:05:48 你在这干嘛呢 ?What the hell are you doing here?
81 00:05:49 我在给你做早餐 !I'm cooking you breakfast!
82 00:05:50 不了 我不习惯吃早餐No, okay. I don't do breakfast.
83 00:05:52 懂没 ? 你得赶紧滚出去 !Right? You need to get out!
84 00:05:54 可这是我的公寓 !You're in my apartment!
85 00:05:55 把刀...Put the...
86 00:05:57 原来这里...不是我的公寓This is not my apartment.
87 00:06:01 操 抱歉Fuck. Sorry.
88 00:06:03 我昨晚好像喝醉了I might be a little drunk.
89 00:06:05 噢Oh.
90 00:06:06 等我把刀上的指纹擦掉I might actually wipe my fingerprints off that.
91 00:06:10 你昨晚真棒You were great last night.
92 00:06:12 - 是吗 ? - 我其实记不清了Was I? I can't remember.
93 00:06:16 你得想象点美好的东西Okay, let's go to your happy place.
94 00:06:18 万一不小心拉屎呢 ?What if I poop?
95 00:06:19 - 我肯定都注意不到的 - 天啊I won't even notice. Oh, god.
96 00:06:21 这种情况很正常的It's totally natural.
97 00:06:22 几千年来女人都是这样生孩子的Women have been doing this for thousands of years, okay?
98 00:06:25 那你接生过多少小孩 ?How many babies have you had?
99 00:06:28 我接生了3000个了Well, I've delivered about 3,000 of them.
100 00:06:30 那你自己不想生一个吗 ?Didn't you want one?
101 00:06:33 这样说吧You know what?
102 00:06:34 我只是觉得I just felt like society
103 00:06:35 只要你有了小孩后doesn't let you pursue your dreams
104 00:06:37 社会就不会让你追寻梦想了once you have children.
105 00:06:39 而我不喜欢And I didn't feel like
106 00:06:40 放弃自己的人生I wanted to give up my identity
107 00:06:42 就只为了当一个全职保姆to be a slave to some tiny little love-terrorist.
108 00:06:48 再说了 生完后身材会急剧下降Plus, your body falls to shit,
109 00:06:49 而且你可没时间用来锻炼and you have no time to exercise
110 00:06:51 而且余生都不会有时间来好好睡觉了 对吧 ?and forget about sleep for the rest of your life, right?
111 00:06:54 不 亲爱的 别别别 你能做到的 !Oh, no, honey! No, no, no, no, no, no. You can do it!
112 00:06:57 我做不到的 我的身材已经没了No, I can't. My body went to shit.
113 00:06:58 我的身材现在就已经没了My body went to shit. It did.
114 00:06:59 我的阴道现在就够松弛了 !And my vagina's so loose, already!
115 00:07:02 - 用力推 ! - 好吧Let's push! Okay.
116 00:07:04 耶 !Yay!
117 00:07:07 出来的是屎还是婴儿 ?Is that poop or a baby?
118 00:07:09 反正不是婴儿It's not a baby.
119 00:07:15 罗宾 她是爱丽丝 新入职的律师助手Robin? This is Alice, our new paralegal.
120 00:07:17 能麻烦你带她熟悉下这里吗 ?Will you give her the tour, please?
121 00:07:19 好 没问题Yes, of course.
122 00:07:21 谢谢Thank you.
123 00:07:22 嗨 我叫爱丽丝Hi, I'm Alice.
124 00:07:23 嗨 很高兴认识你Hi. It's so nice to meet you.
125 00:07:25 噢 抱歉 我刚擦了手霜Yeah. Oh, sorry, my hands are a little bit creamy.
126 00:07:29 好了 走吧Okay. All right.
127 00:07:32 欢迎来到本律师事务所Welcome to the law firm of some guy,
128 00:07:35 老板是某人 另外某人 还有某个犹太人some other guy, and some Jewish guy.
129 00:07:37 开玩笑的 他们都是犹太人Just kidding. They're all Jewish.
130 00:07:39 我非常期待能到这里工作I'm really excited to be here.
131 00:07:41 这里可是我的第一选择This was actually one of my top choices.
132 00:07:42 那间会议室很适合用来That closet there, is really good
133 00:07:44 上班打电话闲聊for making personal calls.
134 00:07:45 但是绝对不要在这间复印室里撩汉子But whatever you do, do not hook up in this copy room.
135 00:07:49 第一 肥皂剧里都这么演One, it's just, like, so cliche.
136 00:07:51 第二 那里有摄像头And two, there's a security camera.
137 00:07:55 噢 我目前并不想找男朋友Oh, I'm not really hooking up with anybody right now
138 00:07:56 因为最近我...because recently, I actually--
139 00:07:58 嗯 我知道你在想什么uh, yeah, I know what you're thinking.
140 00:07:59 他们确实会记录监控内容They do record the footage.
141 00:08:01 所以说 除非你来这工作的目的是上演复印室门的话So, unless a leaked sex tape is part of your two-year plan,
142 00:08:04 要撩汉子我推荐去...I'd recommend hooking up in the...
143 00:08:10 别想知道我们的秘密You'll never know our secrets.
144 00:08:12 永远别想 !You'll never know!
145 00:08:14 呼 !Whoo!
146 00:08:22 抱歉 我写什么可和你无关Excuse me. That's none of your business.
147 00:08:24 你坐在这里就和我有关You're kind of making it my business, here.
148 00:08:26 我刚搬到这楼上 而且我的Wi-Fi慢的要死Look, I just moved in upstairs and my Wi-Fi sucks.
149 00:08:29 所以如果我每天凌晨5点都得被So, if I have to listen to every drunk asshole
150 00:08:31 这片区域的酒鬼吵醒的话stumble out of here at 5:00 A.M.,
151 00:08:32 至少让我用下你的免费Wi-Fi吧I'm at least gonna use your free Internet.
152 00:08:34 哇 好吧 嗨Wow. Okay, hi. Um...
153 00:08:37 - 我叫汤姆 - 嗨I'm tom. And-- hi.
154 00:08:39 如果你想来蹭网的话If you're gonna be using my free Wi-Fi,
155 00:08:40 至少帮我个忙at least you can do me a favor
156 00:08:41 别写这种傻玩意and not write shit like,
157 00:08:43 "我希望早上能和闺蜜一同醒来""I want to wake up with my best friend."
158 00:08:45 除非你希望我自宫Unless you want my dick to fall off.
159 00:08:46 或许这样我们就能当闺蜜了And then maybe we could become best friends,
160 00:08:48 皆大欢喜and that'd be awesome.
161 00:08:50 听好了 我去年花了半年时间写了一段代码Look, I spent half of last year creating an algorithm
162 00:08:53 混淆约会软件 让自己的搜索排名靠前that trolls dating apps for the best candidates
163 00:08:55 然后将匹配名单下载成Excel文件and downloads them into an excel spreadsheet.
164 00:08:57 所以说我很清楚自己的目标So, I know what I'm looking for.
165 00:09:00 嗯 听起来一点都不2Yeah, that's not weird at all.
166 00:09:01 你上网到底是为了干嘛 ?What are you really doing online?
167 00:09:03 你人又漂亮I mean, you're a pretty girl.
168 00:09:05 这里又是纽约市This is New York City.
169 00:09:06 城里又有这么多人There's like a billion people outside that door.
170 00:09:08 没错 但合适的人又有多少 ?Yeah, but how many eligible people?
171 00:09:10 看 这城里有800万人Here. Okay, there are eight million people in this city.
172 00:09:14 听起来很多 对吧 ?Sounds like a lot, right?
173 00:09:15 确实It does.
174 00:09:16 但是 有一半是女人But, half of them are women.
175 00:09:18 虽然我在大学十分努力尝试了And as hard as I tried in college,
176 00:09:20 我还是没喜欢上妹子I don't swing that way.
177 00:09:21 - 你有多努力 ? - 别八卦How hard did you try? Let it go.
178 00:09:23 好吧Okay.
179 00:09:24 那就剩下400万男人So, four million men.
180 00:09:26 然后还得考虑年龄问题And then you got to have some age limits.
181 00:09:27 - 得在20岁以上 - 得合法才行Let's say over 20. Gotta keep it legal.
182 00:09:29 - 40岁以下 - 得性感才行Under 40. Keep it sexy.
183 00:09:31 就只剩下100万了Now, it's a million.
184 00:09:32 好吧 可是还是有100万男人啊Right. We're talking about a million guys.
185 00:09:35 但其中一半都是已婚人士But half of them are married.
186 00:09:38 10%都是Gay10 percent are gay.
187 00:09:40 我喜欢有大学文凭的I want someone college educated.
188 00:09:42 不要特别丑的Not too ugly.
189 00:09:44 所以说...So...
190 00:09:45 这就是你男朋友There's your boyfriend.
191 00:09:47 我倒想呢I wish.
192 00:09:48 他必须比我高...He's got to be taller than me...
193 00:09:53 而且必须想要小孩And he's got to want kids.
194 00:09:55 所以说 我已经注册了So, yeah, I'm on 10 different
195 00:09:57 10个约会网站来提升我的几率dating websites to increase my odds.
196 00:09:59 那么 你觉得如何 ?So, what do you say?
197 00:10:00 你让我把这间酒吧当成自己家You let me treat this bar like it's my living room
198 00:10:02 而我就不每晚都打电话投诉噪音叫警察来and I won't call the cops every night with a noise complaint.
199 00:10:06 好吧 很可爱 这些是女人吧 ?Okay. Very cute. These are the women?
200 00:10:09 嗯Hmm.
201 00:10:10 谢了Thanks.
202 00:10:12 真美味Mmm. Mmm.
203 00:10:14 回头见了See you around.
204 00:10:15 蠢男Stupid.
205 00:10:16 额 祝你晚上愉快Um, have a nice night.
206 00:10:18 等下 啥 ? 你去哪呢 ?Wait. What? Where are you going?
207 00:10:20 我要回家了I'm going home.
208 00:10:21 啥 ?What?
209 00:10:23 我再也不想听你说这种话了I never want to hear you say that again.
210 00:10:24 噁 !Ugh!
211 00:10:25 你现在是单身对吧 你可不能回家You're single now, okay? You do not go home!
212 00:10:29 你最好连房子都没有You shouldn't even have a home.
213 00:10:30 你只需要一个46平方米的房间You should just have 500 square feet
214 00:10:32 用来存放衣物 以及偶尔洗洗澡where you keep some clothes and occasionally bathe.
215 00:10:34 好吧 准确的说 我现在并不是单身Well, okay, technically, I'm not, like, single.
216 00:10:37 我们只是暂时休息We're just on a break.
217 00:10:39 根本没有"暂时休息"这种东西 你难道是第三赛季的罗斯吗 ?Uh, there's no such thing as a "Break," Season-3 Ross.
218 00:10:41 我们真的是暂时休息下No, we really are on a break.
219 00:10:43 只是暂时分开一段时间We're just taking a little bit of time apart
220 00:10:45 来思考下我们是否真的想和对方在一起to make sure we really want to be together.
221 00:10:47 噢 原来你们是在体验过渡期啊 ?Oh, so you're on some kind of sexual rumspringa?
222 00:10:49 - 不是 - 你之前怎么不说啊 ?No. Why didn't you say anything?
223 00:10:51 我可以让你请半天假的 !I could've made you take a half-day!
224 00:10:53 今天是我第一天上班呢It was my first day at work.
225 00:10:54 过渡期 !Rumspringa!
226 00:10:56 啥 ? 我们这是要去哪 ?What? No! Where are we going?
227 00:10:58 如果你觉得要无聊致死了就点一杯朗姆酒加可乐Ask me for a rum and coke if you think you're gonna die.
228 00:11:00 滚粗 !Get out of here!
229 00:11:02 啊Uh,
230 00:11:03 你在个人简介里写得你很有梦想you said on your profile you're a big dreamer.
231 00:11:06 别这样说You know, please.
232 00:11:08 我想要的东西和常人没什么区别No, no, I think I want what everybody wants.
233 00:11:11 就是一步一步完成自己的梦想Cross off some things on the bucket list.
234 00:11:13 那你有什么梦想 ?So, what is on your bucket list?
235 00:11:16 很普通的Usual stuff.
236 00:11:17 - 额 高尔夫球场 - 嗯Uh, wrigley fields. Mmm.
237 00:11:18 - 当海豚训练师 - 我的天Dolphin trainer. Oh, boy.
238 00:11:20 天啊 我最喜欢海豚了Oh, my god. I love dolphins.
239 00:11:22 一直就很喜欢Loved, since forever.
240 00:11:24 哇 其实普通的目标Wow, no, no, you know, because the normal ones
241 00:11:25 都已经实现了are already checked off, you know?
242 00:11:27 - 嗯 - 比如Hot CarlMmm-hmm. Hot Carl.
243 00:11:29 - Dirty Sanchez - 额...Dirty Sanchez. Yeah, that's--
244 00:11:30 - Golden shower - 原来是这个意思golden shower. That one, oh.
245 00:11:32 这些其实都是不经意间就完成了I actually checked off by accident.
246 00:11:34 多谢了 毕业舞会Thank you, prom.
247 00:11:35 原来你指的不是生涯目标或者人生目标So, these aren't career goals or life goals.
248 00:11:39 而是你的性爱目标These are more sexual things.
249 00:11:42 你有没有听过Whack-a-Mole玩法 ?Have you ever heard of the whack-a-mole?
250 00:11:43 朗姆酒加可乐Rum and coke.
251 00:11:44 朗姆可乐 ?　真的 ?Rum and coke? Really?
252 00:11:46 我可没想到你愿意I didn't think you'd want to do
253 00:11:48 在初次约会就玩朗姆可乐a rum and coke with me on our first date.
254 00:11:49 - 朗姆酒加可乐 ? - 我得去找一只活仓鼠Um, rum and coke? I got to find a live hamster.
255 00:11:51 大街上找只老鼠应该就行了So, I guess I could trap a street rat.
256 00:11:52 这里可是纽约嘛I mean, we are in New York.
257 00:11:54 - 朗姆酒加可乐 ! - 我还得去刮刮腿毛Rum and coke! I got to go shave my legs.
258 00:11:55 你多喝点水Drink more water.
259 00:11:57 好的Oh. Okay.
260 00:11:58 哟Yo.
261 00:12:00 去把自己反锁到我的办公室里Go lock yourself in my office.
262 00:12:01 多谢了Thank you.
263 00:12:04 来吧Here we go.
264 00:12:06 让我来教教你单身的正确方法Let me teach you how to be single.
265 00:12:09 好的 第一课 去给我们弄点酒喝Okay, lesson one. Go get us some drinks.
266 00:12:13 好Okay.
267 00:12:14 不对 不是让你买No. That was a trick.
268 00:12:16 妹子不用买 得汉子掏钱You don't buy the drinks. Boys buy the drinks.
269 00:12:19 这相当于是不成文的规定It's kind of like a sexual currency that they use,
270 00:12:22 这就相当于只是肮脏的酒水交易而已so they're not actually paying you to hook up.
271 00:12:25 快去帮我们弄点酒吧So, go get us a drink.
272 00:12:27 好吧Okay.
273 00:12:28 不是叫你拿自己的钱去买Not... not with this wallet.
274 00:12:29 而是找汉子帮你买Okay. With the sausage wallet.
275 00:12:31 你们有谁在买石油吗 ?Which of you is buying oil right now?
276 00:12:32 你知不知道...Do you know how much...
277 00:12:33 嗨 你们大家好啊Hey, what's up, y'all?
278 00:12:35 我也不知道为啥会说"你们大家"I don't know why I just said "Y'all."
279 00:12:37 其实说"你们好"就可以了"You all" Would have taken just as much time.
280 00:12:40 而且我都不是南方人And I'm not even from the south,
281 00:12:41 我是波特兰人I'm from Portland.
282 00:12:43 其实也算是加拿大南边Which is Southern from Canada.
283 00:12:47 你们大家都是加拿大人吗 ?Are y'all Canadian?
284 00:12:48 我又用了这词了I just did it again, I said it again.
285 00:12:50 我的软件本应该把他划掉的My system should have weeded him out.
286 00:12:52 你可能是代码写错了You probably read your data wrong.
287 00:12:54 我打赌那个人的简介完全没说谎I bet that guy told you exactly who he was.
288 00:12:56 你只是不愿相信而已You just didn't want to hear it.
289 00:12:58 我每次都给妹子说真话I tell the truth to girls all the time.
290 00:12:59 但她们摄入的信息都偏离原文了They hear what they want to hear.
291 00:13:01 完全是胡扯That sounds like a load of crap.
292 00:13:04 我没骗你 看好了I'm not kidding. Watch this.
293 00:13:07 嗨 亲爱的Hey, sweetheart. Hey.
294 00:13:08 嗨Hi.
295 00:13:10 额 你很清楚我们上床只是为了寻乐 对吧 ?Hey, uh, you know we're only sleeping together for fun, right?
296 00:13:12 因为我现在不想谈长期感情Because I'm not interested in long-term relationships,
297 00:13:15 所以我以后得去约会其他妹子了so I think I'm gonna start seeing other people
298 00:13:16 而我认为你也应该继续前进and I think you should move on, too.
299 00:13:18 因为我很关心你Because I care about you,
300 00:13:21 我不希望你受到伤害and I don't want to see you get hurt.
301 00:13:23 噢 我也很关心你Oh, I care about you, too.
302 00:13:26 嗯Yeah. Hmm.
303 00:13:31 哇Wow.
304 00:13:33 你们穿得真正式啊 参加完葬礼来的 ?You guys are super dressed-up. Funeral?
305 00:13:36 我的天啊 好的 拜拜Oh, my god. Okay, bye.
306 00:13:38 这主意馊透了That was a really bad idea.
307 00:13:39 不应该和你犯2的 我应该直接回家的This is stupid. I should probably just go home.
308 00:13:41 不行 你开玩笑吗 ?No, are you kidding?
309 00:13:42 你只有很小的机会You have a small window
310 00:13:44 才能融入到纽约市里in which to bang your way through New York City.
311 00:13:46 我和乔什分开的目的并不是为了能约会其他人No, Josh and I didn't break up so I could see other people.
312 00:13:49 我只是想多了解下自己I'm trying to figure out who I am.
313 00:13:51 那你干嘛不拿上这个Then why don't you take this,
314 00:13:53 回家照照你的下面去 ?go home and stare at your beave?
315 00:13:56 好吧 我来替你挑吧Look, I'm just gonna choose for you. All right?
316 00:13:58 额 我知道了Um... I know.
317 00:14:00 你得把你的舌头I would like to see your tongue
318 00:14:02 舔到酒保的脸上去in that bartender's face.
319 00:14:03 什么 ?What?
320 00:14:05 别担心 我认识他Don't worry, I know him.
321 00:14:06 他感情经历很丰富的 而且情商很高He's like a palate cleanser. He's sexual sorbet.
322 00:14:08 就他 ?That guy?
323 00:14:09 对 我听说他的床上技术非常棒Yeah. I've heard he's really good in bed.
324 00:14:11 是我自己说的 因为我好像和他睡过了From myself, because I might have slept with him.
325 00:14:13 我记不太清了I can't really remember.
326 00:14:15 好像是冬天的时候Maybe, uh... it was winter.
327 00:14:16 好像我把他的丁丁当围巾用来取暖了 走吧Maybe I just used his dick as a scarf. Let's go.
328 00:14:19 啥 ?What?
329 00:14:20 嗨 汤姆Hey, tom.
330 00:14:21 她叫爱丽丝This is Alice.
331 00:14:23 她最近才恢复单身 急需勾搭上一个陌生男人She's newly single and needs to hook up with a random stranger.
332 00:14:26 我请你喝杯酒吧 给Let me buy you a drink. Here you go.
333 00:14:27 啊 谢谢Uh, thanks.
334 00:14:30 我请你喝杯酒吧Let me buy you a drink.
335 00:14:33 欢迎来到派对Welcome to the party.
336 00:14:35 嗯 干杯Umm, cheers.
337 00:14:38 呼 !Whoo!
338 00:14:58 - 嗨 - 嗨Hey. Hi.
339 00:15:15 喔 喔 !Whoa! Whoa!
340 00:15:17 她一巴掌扇你脸上了 !She just hit you in the face!
341 00:15:20 过渡期 !Rumspringa!
342 00:15:35 早上好啊 美女Morning, sunshine.
343 00:15:36 别No.
344 00:15:40 别 梅吉 熬 !No, Meg! Ow!
345 00:15:43 老天啊Oh, my god.
346 00:15:45 起床啦Wakey-wakey.
347 00:15:49 医生 ?A doctor?
348 00:15:51 我是和医生做爱了 ? 我俩昨晚做爱没 ?Did I have sex with a doctor? Did we have sex?
349 00:15:55 - 没 - 没 ?No. No?
350 00:15:56 我们昨晚没做爱No, we didn't have sex.
351 00:15:58 我谁也没睡 ?I didn't sleep with anybody?
352 00:15:59 应该没No, I don't think so.
353 00:16:01 为什么屋里一股大麻味 ?Why does it smell like weed in here?
354 00:16:02 有个东西在...You have a little...
355 00:16:03 - 啥 ? - 现在到你头发上去了What? It's in your hair now.
356 00:16:06 就在这里...It's just right...
357 00:16:09 - 啥 ? - 额...What? It...
358 00:16:10 我只是睫毛比较长而已No, I just have long eyelashes.
359 00:16:12 有东西黏在你...It's a... You have a joint clinging...
360 00:16:15 噢Oh.
361 00:16:17 耶 ! 有免费咖啡喝 !Yay! Free coffee!
362 00:16:21 吃两片泰勒诺 然后自己弄点早餐吃Uh, take two Tylenol, and make yourself some breakfast.
363 00:16:25 我爱你I love you.
364 00:16:26 我爱你Love, love you.
365 00:16:29 你室友感觉挺酷的Your roommate seems pretty cool.
366 00:16:33 她是我姐姐Oh, she's my sister.
367 00:16:36 - 真的 ? - 嗯Really? Mmm-hmm.
368 00:16:38 额 那我好像在你姐姐的小盒子里尿尿了Uh, then I think I might have pissed in your sister's litter box.
369 00:16:42 那是座禅花园That's a zen garden.
370 00:16:43 她养的猫有座缠花园 ?The cat has a zen garden?
371 00:16:45 她没养猫There's no cat.
372 00:16:47 我这是在哪 ?Where am I?
373 00:16:48 我就知道我在这屋子里做爱了 !I knew I had sex in this apartment!
374 00:16:52 好的 我们这是在哪 ?Okay, where are we?
375 00:16:55 百老汇77号 额...Um, Broadway and 77th. Um...
376 00:16:58 我们得30分钟内赶去上班We have to be at work in 30 minutes,
377 00:17:00 所以说最好走这条路so we should probably go this way.
378 00:17:01 没关系 我20分钟内就能搞定It's okay, I can do this in 20.
379 00:17:03 - 搞定啥 ? - 我们走Wait, do what? Let's go.
380 00:17:04 - 等下 搞定什么 ? - 给我记时 !Wait, do what? Time me!
381 00:17:08 第一步Step one.
382 00:17:10 那可是婴儿饮料That stuff is for babies.
383 00:17:12 宿醉的婴儿Babies with hangovers.
384 00:17:20 巴巴 这样行吗 ?Baba, are we good?
385 00:17:23 不用付钱了 我们走Payment accepted. Let's go.
386 00:17:49 嗨Hi!
387 00:17:51 嗨 我希望Yeah, hi. I'm really interested
388 00:17:52 在这买一大堆产品 但首先in buying a lot of your products, but first,
389 00:17:54 我需要你把化妆品全砸我脸上I need you to put all of them on my face,
390 00:17:57 得画得漂漂亮亮的 还得免费in a very nice way, for free.
391 00:17:59 整张脸都得画 而且还要加点小惊喜I'm gonna need a full face, with a side of "Wow."
392 00:18:06 上米莫萨 不用上橙汁了Mimosa, hold the orange juice.
393 00:18:09 快给我Here. Come on. Gimme.
394 00:18:23 搞定Nailed it.
395 00:18:24 你迟到了三个小时半You're three-and-a-half hours late.
396 00:18:26 耶 ! 午饭时间 !Yay! Lunchtime!
397 00:18:30 不用担心自己的体重And don't worry about the weight.
398 00:18:31 在孩子断奶之后应该就能瘦下来了It should come off after you stop nursing the infant.
399 00:18:33 她叫"凯蒂""Katie." That's her name.
400 00:18:35 好吧Oh, okay.
401 00:18:36 噢不 我得尿尿Oh, no. I have to pee.
402 00:18:38 这段时间总是说来就来It just falls out of me these days.
403 00:18:40 - 能麻烦你... - 别别别Can you hold... No, no, no, no, no.
404 00:18:41 我不擅长应付婴儿I'm not good with babies.
405 00:18:44 你好啊 你今天感觉如何 ?Hello. How are you today?
406 00:18:47 妈妈应该很快就回来了Your mom should be coming back soon.
407 00:18:51 "凯蒂"是"凯瑟琳"的缩写吗 ?Is, um, "Katie" Short for "Katherine"?
408 00:18:55 看吧 有些女人See, some women would look at
409 00:18:57 看到你这表情后 会觉得你在微笑what you just did and think that you smiled.
410 00:19:00 但是鉴于我是医生But, because I'm a doctor,
411 00:19:01 我很清楚你或许只是I know that that was probably
412 00:19:03 无意识的脸部抽搐 或者是打嗝just an involuntary tic, or gas.
413 00:19:08 告诉你吧You know what?
414 00:19:09 你根本没那么可爱You're not that cute,
415 00:19:11 我也不会中你的花招and I am not falling for it.
416 00:19:13 你继续努力吧 但答案还是"NO"So, you just keep trying, but it is "No."
417 00:19:20 闭嘴 婴儿Shut up, baby.
418 00:19:21 还有 别摸床单And, you know what? Don't touch that,
419 00:19:23 很不卫生的because that's not very sanitary.
420 00:19:25 嗯Yeah.
421 00:19:26 细菌就像小虫子一样 就像微生物一样Germs are little bugs, like little microbes
422 00:19:29 会跑到你的嘴里去 然后你就会生病that get into your mouth, and they make you sick.
423 00:19:34 而你却张嘴吃鞋So, you eat your shoe.
424 00:19:39 你根本没博得我的欢心 绝对没有You are not winning me over. No, you're not.
425 00:19:43 你干嘛拿到东西就往嘴里塞 ?Why do you put everything in your mouth?
426 00:19:45 你好啊Hello. Hi.
427 00:20:00 给你解释完了And so we're clear,
428 00:20:01 这世界上有很多人there are a lot of people in this world
429 00:20:03 需要你这样的小家伙进入到他们的生命里who need things like you in their lives,
430 00:20:05 他们才能感到人生完整了to feel complete.
431 00:20:07 我可不是其中一员 没你我也能活得好好的I am not one of them. I am fine without you.
432 00:20:25 好吧 你赢了Fine. You win.
433 00:20:39 如果汤姆发短信给你 虽然他不会 因为现在还是白天呢If tom texts you, which he won't, because it's still daylight,
434 00:20:41 记得等4小时再回信wait four hours to respond.
435 00:20:43 我根本没有在想他I was not even thinking about tom.
436 00:20:45 没到4小时就回复的话Anything sooner implies that
437 00:20:46 就表示你很粘人 需求感很强you're needy and really co-dependent
438 00:20:48 根本应付不来简单的勾搭and incapable of a simple hookup,
439 00:20:49 而他却最擅长这事了which is all he's good for.
440 00:20:50 我觉得我应该可以变成一个...I think that I could actually be, like, a good--
441 00:20:52 而且当你回信的时候 别用完整的句子and, when you respond, do not respond in full sentences.
442 00:20:54 好吧Okay.
443 00:20:55 而且如果你敢加表情 我一拳揍你奶上And if you use an emoji, I will fucking tit-punch you.
444 00:20:57 好吧Fine.
445 00:20:58 好吧Fine.
446 00:21:11 不要 不要No! No! Oh, no.
447 00:21:13 今天下班结束再还给你You can have this back at the end of the day.
448 00:21:15 好吧Fine.
449 00:21:16 还加表情 ?An emoji?
450 00:21:17 噢 噢 噢Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
451 00:21:23 - 我的行为太蠢了 - 好的This is so dumb. Okay.
452 00:21:25 我并不是不知道你对我没好处It's not like I don't know you're bad for me.
453 00:21:27 当然Sure.
454 00:21:28 而我可不是那种圣母And I'm not gonna be one of those cliched girls
455 00:21:30 能让你浪子回头什么的who thinks I can, like, change you, or something.
456 00:21:31 你当然不能No, you can't.
457 00:21:41 我给你说I'm telling you.
458 00:21:42 性爱就是认识自己的最佳方式Sex? It's the best way to find out what you want.
459 00:21:45 想想看 什么爱情啊 什么Think about it, the whole love thing, the whole,
460 00:21:47 "我希望另一半没和我上床的时候也能注意到我""I just want a guy to notice when I'm cold."
461 00:21:50 另一半没和你上床的时候It's nice when a guy notices
462 00:21:51 也能注意到你其实挺好的 意味着when you're cold. It means he's--
463 00:21:53 意味着他是装出来的it means he's faking it,
464 00:21:54 因为他很清楚妹子最喜欢听这种话because he knows that's what you want to hear.
465 00:21:56 所以说 我可不会假装So, instead of being a psycho who pretends
466 00:21:58 在你没和我上床的时候我还在乎你that I give a shit if you're cold,
467 00:21:59 我给每个妹子都说同一句话I tell everyone the same thing.
468 00:22:01 "如果你是想找能结婚的 别来找我""If you're looking for the one, that's not me.
469 00:22:04 "如果你想找个人""If you're looking for the one
470 00:22:05 "能陪你找乐子 找我就对了""To have a little fun with, I'm that one."
471 00:22:09 噢Oh.
472 00:22:10 没错Yep.
473 00:22:11 呼Whew!
474 00:22:12 我一直都在和男朋友交往着I've always been in relationships.
475 00:22:15 但是 我估计自己只是But, I guess that's just because I actually
476 00:22:17 不知道怎么保持单身don't really know how to stay single.
477 00:22:19 那你来对地方了Then you came to the right place.
478 00:22:21 诀窍是和他们相处要用真心 但是最后要让他们来甩你The trick is to love them, but get them to leave you.
479 00:22:25 这样双方都不会受伤That way, nobody gets hurt.
480 00:22:26 瞧好了Check this out.
481 00:22:27 说说看这些东西有什么共同之处What do all these things have in common? Go.
482 00:22:30 额 番茄酱 啤酒Um, ketchup and beer.
483 00:22:33 腌菜 巧克力酱Pickles, chocolate sauce.
484 00:22:35 你这是怀孕了吗 ?Are you pregnant?
485 00:22:36 不对 应该是这些东西都不能用来做早餐No, they can't be used to make breakfast.
486 00:22:38 妹子们第二天醒来根本没有理由在这待着There's no reason to stick around in the morning,
487 00:22:40 因为根本没早餐吃because you can't make an omelet.
488 00:22:41 而且 我这还没饮用水 所以说Plus, no water. So, hungover chicks,
489 00:22:44 宿醉的妹子非走不可you got to leave to survive.
490 00:22:46 可是纽约的自来水很干净的Except for that New York water is delicious
491 00:22:47 直接打开水龙头就可以喝and you can just drink it from the tap.
492 00:22:49 没错 可是...Yeah. But, uh...
493 00:22:52 哪来的杯子呢 ?From what glass?
494 00:22:55 哇Wow.
495 00:22:56 你还真够厉害的You're a piece of work.
496 00:22:57 嗯哼Mmm-hmm.
497 00:23:02 水杯Glass.
498 00:23:03 好吧 虽然没有任何妹子走到过这一步 不过...Okay, MacGyver, no woman's gotten this far, but, um...
499 00:23:10 你叫水管工把你家的水断了 ?You had a plumber cut your water?
500 00:23:12 没 我自己断的No. I did it myself.
501 00:23:14 那你怎么洗手 ?What if you need to wash your hands?
502 00:23:15 难道我是外科医生吗 ?What am I, a surgeon?
503 00:23:16 那你渴了怎么办 ?What if you get thirsty?
504 00:23:21 - 嗯 很不错 - 是吧 ?Nice. Well done. Yeah, right?
505 00:23:22 你完全误以为是床头柜了吧 ?Totally thought it was a nightstand, didn't you?
506 00:23:24 你真是疯了You're a psycho.
507 00:23:26 我可没疯 听着 大多数男人都和我一样I'm not a psycho. Look, most guys are like me,
508 00:23:27 只是他们不愿意承认they're just not honest about it.
509 00:23:29 我很负责的告诉你 单身生活就这样I'm telling you, this is what it's like out there.
510 00:23:33 你为什么要告诉我这些秘密 ?Why are you telling me this?
511 00:23:36 说不清I don't know.
512 00:23:37 只是感觉你很特别It's just, you're different.
513 00:23:45 天呐 这是你撩妹的用语Oh, my god. That's the thing you say to girls.
514 00:23:47 没错 很管用对吧 ?Yes, it is. Works, though, right?
515 00:23:49 非常管用Completely.
516 00:23:50 总之 课堂结束Anyway, end of the tour.
517 00:23:51 和你玩得很高兴And, um, this was fun.
518 00:23:58 回见See you.
519 00:24:23 嗨Hi.
520 00:24:34 额 来杯米莫萨 ?Uh, mimosa?
521 00:24:35 额 不了 我赶着去开会呢Uh, no, I'm actually on my way to a meeting.
522 00:24:38 所以说我最好别在星期四So, I'm probably not gonna start drinking
523 00:24:39 就喝中度酒30 on a Thursday.
524 00:24:41 嗯 其实我也不想喝的Yeah, no, I didn't... I don't want one, either.
525 00:24:45 我点了巧克力屑煎饼Um, I got us chocolate chip pancakes
526 00:24:47 就和以前一样for the table, like we used to.
527 00:24:49 啊 可我没多少时间 所以说...Um, cool. I don't have a lot of time, so--
528 00:24:53 好的 那我直接说重点好了okay, no, then I'll just get right to it.
529 00:24:56 结束了 终于结束了I'm done. I'm, I'm finally done.
530 00:25:01 什么 ? 什么结束了 ?What? What are you done with?
531 00:25:03 我们分开的时间结束了With our time apart.
532 00:25:04 我知道这段时期很艰难I know it's been really difficult.
533 00:25:06 对我们两人来说都很艰难It's been difficult on both of us.
534 00:25:07 但是 我终于准备好和你和好了But, I'm finally ready for us to be together.
535 00:25:11 而且我再也不会好奇其他事了And I'll never have to wonder about anything else.
536 00:25:15 我已经在和别人约会了I'm seeing someone.
537 00:25:19 这... 恭喜啊That is... Congratulations.
538 00:25:23 额...Um...
539 00:25:24 那 乔什 等你们结束了So, then, so, Josh, you want to just,
540 00:25:27 到时候告诉我 ?like, tell me when you're done, then?
541 00:25:29 我说不准 爱丽丝I don't know, Alice.
542 00:25:30 我们等你分手之后再和好Like, we can... we'll just wait till you're done.
543 00:25:33 状况已经改变了 而我...Shit's different, I'm not...
544 00:25:35 我不确定自己还是否想回到从前I'm not sure I want the same things anymore.
545 00:25:42 你的意思是指我 ?You mean, like, me?
546 00:25:47 我之前可不需要做什么实验 就很清楚自己爱你I didn't need an experiment to know that I loved you.
547 00:25:51 而且我不是白痴And I'm not an idiot.
548 00:25:53 我猜你是不知道和谁玩够了You're, I guess, done with whatever you've been doing,
549 00:25:56 心收回来了with whoever you've been doing,
550 00:25:59 然后才掉过头来找我 ?and you can come running back to me?
551 00:26:01 免了 谢谢No, thanks. I'll pass.
552 00:26:07 谁点的煎饼 ?Who ordered pancakes?
553 00:26:11 梅吉 我还没准备好当单身狗 真的Meg, I'm not ready to be alone. I'm not.
554 00:26:14 我不知道怎么重启路由器I don't know how to reset my router.
555 00:26:16 我也不知道路由器放哪了I don't even know where it is.
556 00:26:17 甚至路由器有什么用我都不知道I don't even really know what, exactly, it does.
557 00:26:20 我要孤独一生了I'm gonna be alone forever.
558 00:26:22 至少我的尸体At least my dead body
559 00:26:23 可以充当我猫猫的食物will serve as food for my cats.
560 00:26:26 等有人发现我的时候In the eight weeks that it takes
561 00:26:28 我已经死了 因为根本没人在乎我for anybody to find me, because nobody gives a fuck.
562 00:26:30 你干嘛去看"BJ单身日记" ?Why are you watching Bridget Jones?
563 00:26:33 我是怎么给你说的 ?What did I tell you?
564 00:26:34 看的时候感觉很好It feels good in the moment.
565 00:26:35 我知道 可事后就会伤心了I know, but it's a bad idea.
566 00:26:38 你在看了"欲望都市"You get yourself all hopped up
567 00:26:40 "BJ单身日记"之后能量爆棚on sex and the city and Bridget Jones
568 00:26:42 想着自己能有一段单身佳话and thinking that you need to have some big single experience.
569 00:26:46 电视剧里都是鬼扯Which, by the way, is total bullshit.
570 00:26:48 那些妹子一直以来的目标都是找男票No. All those girls ever did was look for boyfriends.
571 00:26:52 而且这样挺好的And this is a great thing,
572 00:26:53 因为你现在可以专注事业了because now you can focus on your career.
573 00:26:55 什么 ? 不对 我把自己展示在世界面前What? No! I put myself out, into the world,
574 00:26:57 而世界完全把我拒之门外and it completely rejected me.
575 00:26:59 哇 !Whoa!
576 00:27:01 好吧 你还没单身多久呢 !Okay, you haven't been single for that long!
577 00:27:04 对啊Yeah.
578 00:27:05 你得放开点You got to go around the board,
579 00:27:06 多约炮 达成200人斩pass "Go," Collect 200 dicks.
580 00:27:08 而且你记住And you remember
581 00:27:10 我生命中最美好的一件事the best thing that ever happened to me
582 00:27:12 就是以前当我考虑要退出医学院的时候was when I was thinking about quitting medical school.
583 00:27:14 请别给我说你的医学院故事Please don't tell the medical school story.
584 00:27:16 然后 我那混球男友 鲍比And then, my piece of shit boyfriend, Bobby,
585 00:27:17 跑去和我的实验搭档偷情cheated on me with my lab partner,
586 00:27:20 因为她玩得比我开放because she was willing to do things that I wasn't.
587 00:27:24 有侏儒参加吗 ?Did it involve midgets?
588 00:27:26 没No.
589 00:27:28 我以前睡过一个白化病人I once slept with an albino.
590 00:27:30 总之 好消息是 我已经Anyway, the good news is, now there are
591 00:27:33 成功接生了3000个萌宝宝了3,000 beautiful babies in the world
592 00:27:35 而且这全都是...and no one can take that away...
593 00:27:37 我自己的功劳...from me. ...From her
594 00:27:38 你干嘛不去参加毕业生聚会呢 ?why don't you go to one of those alumni events?
595 00:27:40 毕业生聚会 ?An alumni event?
596 00:27:41 去那边和人多沟通You go, and you network with people
597 00:27:43 而且你真的热爱自己的事业的话and if you really love what you do
598 00:27:47 那你就不需要男朋友了then the whole "Guy" Thing is easier.
599 00:27:50 不要 ! 我不要变得和你一样 梅吉No! I don't want to be like you, Meg.
600 00:27:52 我不希望生活里只有工作I don't want my job to be my entire life.
601 00:27:55 欧Ooh.
602 00:27:56 好了 姐妹们 暂停下Okay. Sisters, time-out.
603 00:27:59 你俩各自都有优缺点 好吗 ?There are pros and cons to both of you, okay?
604 00:28:03 优点 年轻漂亮Pros. Young, beautiful.
605 00:28:06 优点 作为你这个年纪的人 同样年轻漂亮Pros. Also beautiful, for your age.
606 00:28:09 有钱 还是医生 还能拿到药Rich. Doctor. Access to pills.
607 00:28:11 缺点 拿不到药Cons. No access to pills.
608 00:28:13 缺点 你对于药片还真吝啬Cons. You're really stingy with the pills.
609 00:28:15 好吧Right.
610 00:28:16 优点 无条件地爱我Pros. Loves me unconditionally.
611 00:28:18 把公寓的后备钥匙都给我了Gives me the spare key to the apartment.
612 00:28:19 内衣柜子很不错Has a very nice underwear drawer.
613 00:28:21 很干净整洁Very neat and organized.
614 00:28:22 你有我公寓的钥匙 ?You have a key to my apartment?
615 00:28:24 缺点 喜欢问问题Cons. Asks too many personal questions.
616 00:28:26 好吧 那我这个又老又孤独的工作狂Okay. I'm gonna take my old, lonely,
617 00:28:29 就回医院上班去了workaholic ass back to the hospital.
618 00:28:35 缺点 又丑又凄凉Cons. Ugly when sad.
619 00:28:45 嗨 额 你这三明治是从家里带来的 ?Hey, uh, did you bring a sandwich from home?
620 00:28:48 嗯Mmm.
621 00:28:49 你穿着睡衣就来酒吧了 ?Are you wearing pajamas in a bar?
622 00:28:51 这是运动裤They're sweatpants.
623 00:28:52 我觉得好多人看到你都决定离场了I think you're bumming some people out.
624 00:28:54 你最好回家换条裤子去You might want to take your "Give up" Pants and go home.
625 00:28:55 别管我Leave me alone.
626 00:28:57 我喜欢这间酒吧I love this bar.
627 00:29:00 露西 ?Lucy?
628 00:29:03 露西 ?Lucy?
629 00:29:04 嗨 !Hi!
630 00:29:05 天啊 !Oh, my god!
631 00:29:07 布里特妮 嗨 !Brittany! Hi!
632 00:29:09 - 你好啊 ? - 你好啊 ?How are you? How are you?
633 00:29:10 我要结婚了 !I'm getting married!
634 00:29:12 她要结婚了 !She's getting married!
635 00:29:13 这简直是我这辈子That is just the best news
636 00:29:15 听过的最棒的消息了 !I've ever heard in my entire life!
637 00:29:17 耶 !Oh, yay!
638 00:29:18 你孩子多大了 ?How old are your kids?
639 00:29:19 不是No.
640 00:29:21 我没孩子 我只是有时候会给小孩读故事I don't have any. I just read to them sometimes.
641 00:29:25 但是并不是那种悲伤的感觉But not in, like, a sad way.
642 00:29:27 而是当自愿者It's more like a volunteer thing?
643 00:29:29 噢 噢Oh. Oh.
644 00:29:31 嗯 嗯Yeah. Yeah.
645 00:29:32 那你结婚了吗 ?So, are you married?
646 00:29:34 没 没No. No.
647 00:29:35 在和谁约会吗 ?Dating anyone?
648 00:29:36 恐怕没有Uh, afraid not.
649 00:29:38 你离婚了吗 ?Are you divorced?
650 00:29:39 还没有人爱过我No, no one's ever loved me enough
651 00:29:41 又哪来的离婚呢to eventually divorce me.
652 00:29:43 要想输也得先参加比赛才行 所以...You got to get in the game, before you can lose, so...
653 00:29:46 我甚至都不擅长当卢瑟I'm not even a good loser, yet.
654 00:29:50 天啊 你手上的是丁丁吸管 ?Oh, my god, are those penis straws?
655 00:29:52 你们今晚肯定要大玩特玩了 !You guys are gonna have a crazy night tonight!
656 00:29:54 嗨Hi.
657 00:29:56 噢Oh.
658 00:30:04 嗨 宝贝Hey, baby.
659 00:30:07 这是...This is, um...
660 00:30:08 没关系 说出来吧It's all right, you can say it.
661 00:30:10 她可真是个女强人 对吧 ?Miss independent right here, right?
662 00:30:11 我是她男友I'm her boyfriend.
663 00:30:12 噢 他是你男友啊Oh! He's your boyfriend.
664 00:30:14 他是我男友This is my boyfriend.
665 00:30:16 天啊 她穿着运动裤是不是性感爆了 ?God, doesn't she look smoking hot in these sweatpants?
666 00:30:18 噢 你太贴心了Oh, wow, that's so sweet.
667 00:30:20 她叫布里特妮 她很显然要结婚了This is Brittany. She's getting married, obviously.
668 00:30:23 原来你就是新娘啊 !Oh, you're the one getting married. Marriage!
669 00:30:26 意味着再也没有双方自愿的性爱 只能独自旅行The end of spontaneous sex, traveling by yourself
670 00:30:28 而且还得请求许可and buying whatever you
671 00:30:29 才能购买自己喜欢的东西 对吧 ?want without having to ask permission, right?
672 00:30:33 婚姻 !Marriage!
673 00:30:34 恭喜了 祝你好运 我希望你们能长久Congratulations, good luck with it. I hope it lasts.
674 00:30:38 抱歉 他口无遮拦Sorry. No filter.
675 00:31:02 嘿 我希望刚才那个吻没有太过了Hey, listen. I hope, uh, that kiss wasn't too much.
676 00:31:04 没有 刚才你帮我解围真是太棒了 !Oh, my god. No, no, that was awesome!
677 00:31:07 太谢谢你了 晚安Thank you so much! Good night.
678 00:31:46 噢Oh.
679 00:31:59 快松开啊 混蛋Come on, you fucking bitch.
680 00:32:02 嗨Hey.
681 00:32:04 抱歉 你是想自己一个人待着吗 ?Sorry. Was that supposed to be a private moment?
682 00:32:07 我够不到拉链I can't get my zipper.
683 00:32:11 对不起之前对你说那种话I'm sorry for what I said to you.
684 00:32:13 什么 ?What?
685 00:32:14 我说 对不起之前对你说那种话I said, I'm sorry for what I said to you.
686 00:32:15 听不太清Can't hear you.
687 00:32:18 我说对不起之前对你说那种话I said I'm sorry for what I said to you!
688 00:32:25 什么 ?What?
689 00:32:27 我要生小孩了I'm gonna have a baby.
690 00:32:29 - 啥 ? - 我找到了个捐精的What? I found a sperm donor.
691 00:32:31 就他 他有瑞士血统This guy. He's of Swedish descent.
692 00:32:33 - 我的天 - 他父母双方家庭Oh, my god. He has no known cancers
693 00:32:35 都没有过癌症患者 也没有吸毒史on either side of his family, no history of drug abuse,
694 00:32:37 也没有任何精神病史 或者...no history of any kind of mental illness, or...
695 00:32:40 - 我的天 - 我知道Oh, my god. I know.
696 00:32:41 我的天啊Oh, my god.
697 00:32:45 我知道I know.
698 00:32:47 等下 为什么你觉得这是个坏主意 ?Wait. Do you think it's a bad idea?
699 00:32:48 你为什么要说5次"天啊" ?Why are you saying "Oh, my god" Five times?
700 00:32:50 没有 只是 你准备什么时候和他见面 ?No, but... wait, when do you meet him?
701 00:32:52 这才是最棒的部分That's the best part.
702 00:32:53 我永远都不用和他见面 也不用和他家人见面I never, ever have to meet him, or any of his family.
703 00:32:56 完全没有附带的血亲关系There's no strings attached at all.
704 00:32:58 是不是很棒啊 ?Nothing. Is that crazy?
705 00:33:00 是的 天啊 你要生宝宝了No. Oh, my god, you're gonna have a baby.
706 00:33:02 - 是啊 ! - 你要生宝宝了 !I know! You're gonna have a baby!
707 00:33:05 我真为你高兴I'm so happy for you.
708 00:33:07 你永远都是我的第一个宝宝You'll always be my baby first.
709 00:33:10 但你得长大了But you do need to grow up.
710 00:33:13 而且你这周五前得搬出去And you do need to move out by this Friday.
711 00:33:15 什么 ?What?
712 00:33:16 公司发现你住在我宿舍了The co-op board found out you were here.
713 00:33:18 你告诉我 这是个坏主意吗 ?Is this a bad idea? Would you tell me?
714 00:33:20 不是 你肯定是全世界最好的妈妈No, you're gonna be the best mom in the world.
715 00:33:22 等下 倒带下Wait. Just go back.
716 00:33:24 你刚说的什么公司什么的 ?What was that thing that you just said about the co-op board?
717 00:33:26 你周五前得搬出去You need to be out by Friday.
718 00:33:29 但你是可以邀请客人来一起住的But you're allowed to have guests.
719 00:33:31 是的 但是我的客人可不能Yes. But my guests aren't allowed
720 00:33:33 全裸在垃圾滑槽上玩滑梯to slide down the trash chute, naked.
721 00:33:34 我又没全裸跑去...I didn't go naked down the...
722 00:33:37 噢Oh.
723 00:33:39 是罗宾干的Robin did that.
724 00:33:40 嗯嗯Mmm-hmm.
725 00:33:41 我已经看过监控录像了 就像这样...I've seen security footage. And it just...
726 00:33:44 嗯Hmm.
727 00:34:04 说不准I don't know.
728 00:34:06 感觉太舒适了Hmm, it seems kind of homey,
729 00:34:07 感觉你会想着在这里待着不出门like you'd actually want to spend time here.
730 00:34:10 噢 这扇窗户能当做读书窗Oh, this could be a reading window.
731 00:34:13 只有丑女才读书Reading is for ugly losers.
732 00:34:15 说不准 我真的很喜欢这里I don't know. I really like it.
733 00:34:16 没错 可是 噢 !Yeah, but, I mean... oh!
734 00:34:18 请不要乱碰 !Wait! No, don't do that!
735 00:34:19 这玩意直接就掉下来了That just... That just fell off.
736 00:34:21 我觉得我要了I think I'm gonna take it.
737 00:34:23 这地方可危险了This place is dangerous.
738 00:34:24 太完美了It's perfect.
739 00:34:26 请别...Don't let that... don't...
740 00:34:29 - 这板子就这么坏了 ? - 对Did that just break? Yeah.
741 00:35:32 晚安Good night.
742 00:35:38 真奇怪啊That was weird.
743 00:35:42 你还是把那东西放下吧Maybe you should just leave it in there.
744 00:35:44 不用摇的Maybe you shouldn't shake it like that.
745 00:35:45 为什么 这样尿液能更快渗透进去What, it's gonna make the pee go in there.
746 00:35:47 不对 原理不是这样的 又不是偏振片No, it doesn't work like that. That's not a polaroid.
747 00:35:49 我绝对会成为历史最佳阿姨I'm gonna be the best auntie, ever. I am.
748 00:35:51 我会满足它的一切愿望I'm gonna give that kid whatever it wants.
749 00:35:53 永远爱它 想吃多少糖都给Forever. All the sugar in the world.
750 00:35:55 别把期望值设太高了Don't get your hopes up, okay?
751 00:35:56 这种事第一次一般都会失败Because it never works on the first time.
752 00:35:58 已经晚了It's too late.
753 00:36:04 嗯Mmm.
754 00:36:05 看到没 ? 我就说嘛See? I told you.
755 00:36:08 - 你没事吧 ? - 嗯Are you okay? Yeah.
756 00:36:09 没事 这...Oh, no, it always... This is...
757 00:36:12 如我所说 这种事第一次一般都会失败It doesn't usually work on the first time, like I said.
758 00:36:15 干嘛 ?What?
759 00:36:20 我的工作就是和这种事打交道 你知道的I deal with this kind of thing all the time. You know that.
760 00:36:25 你没喝多少水吧 ?Are you drinking enough water?
761 00:36:27 你嘴唇好干 意味着你现在缺水Your lips are really dry, which means you're dehydrated.
762 00:36:30 我去给你倒点水喝I'll go get you some water.
763 00:36:42 爱丽丝 !Alice!
764 00:36:55 爱丽丝 !Alice!
765 00:37:01 - 嗨 - 嗨Hi. Hi.
766 00:37:02 我的门铃坏了My buzzer's broken.
767 00:37:03 这一幕就像纽约版的罗密欧与朱丽叶一样It's like if Romeo and Juliet had lived in New York.
768 00:37:06 这句话蠢透了 我能上去吗 ?That was bad. Can I come up?
769 00:37:08 可以Yeah.
770 00:37:33 嗨Hey.
771 00:37:35 嗨Hey.
772 00:37:36 很高兴见到你It's good to see you.
773 00:37:37 真高兴见到你 有什么事 ?So good to see you. What's up?
774 00:37:40 我之前在清理柜子Well, I was going through my closet,
775 00:37:42 然后找到了一大堆你的东西and I found a bunch of your old stuff,
776 00:37:43 所以我就想给你送过来so I thought you might want it.
777 00:37:50 我可以自己过去拿的I could've come by to get this.
778 00:37:53 其实还有一件事Well, actually, that's the thing, is, um,
779 00:37:57 这件事才是我来这的原因that's part of why I wanted to come over.
780 00:37:59 啊...Uh...
781 00:38:00 米歇尔明天要搬过来和我一起住了So, Michelle is moving in tomorrow.
782 00:38:05 - 所以说... - 哇 !So... Wow!
783 00:38:09 米歇尔Michelle.
784 00:38:11 她名字挺好听的啊She's got a name and everything.
785 00:38:13 确实很好听She's got a name.
786 00:38:14 额 准确的说 她确实有名字Well, technically, she's always had a name.
787 00:38:15 她的房租合同到期了Mmm-hmm. I mean, her lease was up
788 00:38:17 而我之前的室友and I was with this craigslist guy,
789 00:38:18 却偷我袜子穿and he started stealing my socks.
790 00:38:20 - 嗯嗯 - 然后 一切水到渠成Mmm-hmm. And so, it just made sense.
791 00:38:21 - 有道理 - 我们都很兴奋It makes sense. And we're excited.
792 00:38:23 我们确实很兴奋 你说的"我们" 好吧Mmm-hmm. We are. You said "We." Okay.
793 00:38:26 那么...So...
794 00:38:27 我带你参观下吧So let me give you the tour.
795 00:38:28 这里是厨房 这里是饭厅Um, this is the kitchen. This is the dining room.
796 00:38:31 这里是客厅加卧室加工作空间This is the living room workspace-bedroom region.
797 00:38:37 你现在开始学西班牙语了 ?And are you working on your Spanish?
798 00:38:40 噢 我搬进来的时候就是这样了Oh, that's been that way since I moved in,
799 00:38:41 我不知道该怎么调and I don't know how to fix it.
800 00:38:43 而现在如果电视里不播西班牙语And now I don't know what the world would be like
801 00:38:45 我都看不懂了if it wasn't in Spanish.
802 00:38:51 很简单的 就这样...It's pretty easy, you know, it's...
803 00:39:00 爱丽丝Alice.
804 00:39:02 你真能干You're so handy.
805 00:39:06 爱丽丝Alice.
806 00:39:07 米歇尔真是个幸运的女孩Michelle is a really lucky girl.
807 00:39:12 我也没想到会发生这种事I didn't expect for this to happen.
808 00:39:15 我只是...I just...
809 00:39:18 我不再拿其他人和你做对比I stopped comparing everyone to you
810 00:39:21 然后就找到了个好姑娘and then I met someone pretty great.
811 00:39:25 我非常为你高兴I'm super happy for you.
812 00:39:28 嗯 看得出来Yeah, I can see that.
813 00:39:30 爱丽丝 好吧Alice. All right.
814 00:39:34 我得走了I'm gonna go.
815 00:39:36 好的Okay.
816 00:39:52 你得放下了You need to move on.
817 00:39:56 好吧Fine.
818 00:39:58 额 不是叫你退步 只能前进Uh, no going backwards, only forwards.
819 00:40:00 你不能再和汤姆上床了You can't sleep with tom again.
820 00:40:02 那我们得重新Well, then, we're gonna have to start going
821 00:40:04 找家酒吧了 闺蜜to a different bar, girlfriend.
822 00:40:06 不用 你会好起来的No, you'll be fine,
823 00:40:08 别和他喝酒超过清醒度上限就行了just don't hit your drink number with him.
824 00:40:10 什么清醒度上限 ?What's my drink number?
825 00:40:12 每一段男女关系中In every male-female friendship,
826 00:40:14 存在一个酒杯的数量there's a total number of drinks
827 00:40:16 如果超过这个数量 那就意味着你俩一定会上床and if you hit that, it means you will definitely have sex.
828 00:40:19 你喝多少杯酒会醉 ?So, how many drinks does it take to get you wasted?
829 00:40:21 两杯半Two and a half,
830 00:40:22 如果吃过饭能喝三杯but maybe three, if I've eaten.
831 00:40:23 三杯Three.
832 00:40:24 好的 而汤姆的是八杯Okay, and tom's is eight.
833 00:40:26 所以说 你俩之间So, you can't hit eleven drinks
834 00:40:28 决不能喝超过11杯between the two of you.
835 00:40:29 就算你一杯 他十杯都不行Okay. Not one for you, 10 for him.
836 00:40:32 他六杯 你五杯也不行Not six for him, five for you.
837 00:40:34 如果我喝下了五杯If I had more than five drinks,
838 00:40:35 那我肯定愿意和你睡I'd hook up with you.
839 00:40:36 我的上限可是27杯My drink number is 27.
840 00:40:38 啥 ?What?
841 00:40:39 少于24杯我甚至都懒得自慰I wouldn't even touch myself on less than 24.
842 00:40:42 这...That's...
843 00:40:44 你干嘛呢 ? 快停下What are you doing? Stop.
844 00:40:46 - 那是什么啊 ? - 停下What is that? Stop.
845 00:40:51 我的天啊Oh, my god.
846 00:40:52 我还以为会烫死人I thought that was gonna be boiling hot.
847 00:40:53 没想到还挺冰凉的It's actually really cold.
848 00:40:54 你居然有LTRP(长期交往后体重上升)You have ltrp.
849 00:40:55 天呐 真的 ?Oh, my god. I do?
850 00:40:56 对Yeah.
851 00:40:57 肯定是汤姆害的Tom gave it to me. For sure.
852 00:40:59 等下 你指的LTRP是什么意思 ?Wait. What's ltrp?
853 00:41:01 长期稳定男女关系中的阴道Long-term relationship pussy.
854 00:41:02 你真的得刮刮毛了You really need to get that taken care of.
855 00:41:04 什么意思 ? 我又没长多少毛What do you mean? I barely have any hair.
856 00:41:06 感觉就像你手抖把毛刷弄掉了It's like you dropped your hairbrush
857 00:41:08 结果被你的阴道接住了and your vagina caught it.
858 00:41:09 你那长度都绕腰一圈了I could make dreadlocks with that bush and form a reggae band.
859 00:41:12 就像好久没修理了一样That looks like a whole bowl of petrified curly fries.
860 00:41:15 就像甘道夫在瞪着我一样It's like Gandalf is staring right at me.
861 00:41:18 "没有任何丁丁能通过 !""No penis shall pass!"
862 00:41:20 你真是毁了我的三观You've ruined so many things for me.
863 00:41:41 嗨Hi.
864 00:41:42 嗨 你有什么需要的吗 ?Hi. What are you here for?
865 00:41:45 额 我是来走出舒适区的Um, I am here to finally put myself out there.
866 00:41:50 真真正正的 懂吧 ?Like, in a real way. You know?
867 00:41:53 不只是身体上 精神上也是Not just physically, but, like, emotionally.
868 00:41:56 嗯Yeah.
869 00:41:57 额 我问的是你是来参加哪个活动的 ?Uh, no, I was asking what event are you here for?
870 00:42:00 噢 额...Oh, um...
871 00:42:02 天呐Oh, my god.
872 00:42:03 卫斯理毕业生聚会The wesleyan alumni networking event.
873 00:42:06 好的Cool.
874 00:42:18 噢 抱歉Oh, I'm sorry.
875 00:42:19 抱歉 抱歉Sorry, sorry.
876 00:42:20 天呐 天呐Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
877 00:42:22 天呐 这是...Oh, my god, we're...
878 00:42:43 喂 快站回去啊Hey. Get back over there,
879 00:42:44 别把合唱毁了you're screwing up the harmonies.
880 00:42:47 我叫大卫·斯通 很高兴认识你I'm David stone, nice to meet you.
881 00:42:49 嗨 我叫爱丽丝Hi. Hey, I'm Alice.
882 00:42:51 爱丽丝Alice...
883 00:42:52 - 凯普丽 - 凯普丽Kepley. Kepley.
884 00:42:53 并没有"斯通"好听It's not as good as "Stone."
885 00:42:55 要不要我的名片 ?Do you want one of my business cards?
886 00:42:57 或者把400张都给你拿去铺浴室地板 ?Or maybe 400 of them, so you could tile your bathroom?
887 00:43:00 上面写了什么 ?Well, what's on them?
888 00:43:01 额 我的身份证号Um, my social security number,
889 00:43:03 我老妈的女仆的名字 我的银行卡密码my mom's maiden name, my atm pin.
890 00:43:06 这些一般都会印在名片上 对吧 ?That's what goes on these, right?
891 00:43:07 没错 都是重要信息Absolutely, the essentials.
892 00:43:09 你是做什么的 ?What do you do?
893 00:43:11 额 我是一名律师助理Um, I'm a paralegal.
894 00:43:12 - 好的 - BLF律师事务所Okay. At brown, light and finkelstein.
895 00:43:15 - 是在华尔街144号 ? - 对Is that, uh, 144 wall street? Yeah.
896 00:43:17 我有座楼在你们隔壁Yeah, I have the building right next door.
897 00:43:19 你"有"座楼 ?You "Have" The building?
898 00:43:21 在华尔街的高楼大厦 ?Like, in a fantasy building league?
899 00:43:23 额 我并不是"有"座楼Uh, no. Um, I don't "Have" The building,
900 00:43:25 - 那楼一部分是我的 - 噢I kind of own it. Oh.
901 00:43:27 我也不知道该怎么用正确的词There's no way to make that sound right.
902 00:43:29 我是发起人之一 所以不是我一个人的I'm a developer, so, it's not just me.
903 00:43:31 就像是一群人同时拥有 但是...It's like a group of people, but...
904 00:43:33 - 感觉你的工作很有趣啊 - 我知道 最差劲了That's like a real-ass job, man. Yeah, I know, it's the worst.
905 00:43:38 噢 你的队伍Oh, your team.
906 00:43:40 我们真得提升下这些节目的质量了We really need to work on our repertoire.
907 00:43:41 - 你开玩笑吗 ? 这可是我最喜欢的歌啊 ! - 是吗 ?Are you kidding me? This is my jam! Is it?
908 00:43:43 是的 我最喜欢的13首歌之一Yeah, this is like my top 13th favorite song of all time.
909 00:43:50 噢 抱歉 是我女儿Oh, I'm sorry, it's my daughter.
910 00:43:51 噢 没关系 我也是Oh, yeah, no, totally. Me, too.
911 00:43:53 我的意思是 我也是名女儿I mean, I'm a... I'm a daughter.
912 00:43:55 非常高兴认识你It was great to meet you.
913 00:43:57 拜Bye. Yeah.
914 00:44:05 好了 还有30秒Okay, 30 more seconds.
915 00:44:08 27秒Twenty-seven.
916 00:44:09 上面写的是3分钟到10分钟 对吧 ?It said three to 10 minutes, is that right?
917 00:44:13 我要加快等待的时间了I'm doing this in solidarity.
918 00:44:14 美女们 我的这上面显示阳性Guys. Mine's positive.
919 00:44:18 - 啥 ? - 啥 ?What? What?
920 00:44:20 等下Wait.
921 00:44:22 我做的是药检 难道你们不是吗 ?I'm taking a drug test. Is that what you guys are doing?
922 00:44:24 - 不是 - 不是No. No.
923 00:44:34 我...I'm...
924 00:44:35 你怀孕了You're pregnant.
925 00:44:37 我怀孕了I'm pregnant.
926 00:44:38 没关系的 别担心 我们一起去打掉It's all right, don't worry. We'll take care of it.
927 00:44:42 我的意思是 "太好了 !"I mean, "Yes!"
928 00:44:44 你怀孕了 !You're pregnant!
929 00:44:46 我们怀孕了 !We're pregnant!
930 00:44:48 我没怀孕 !I'm not pregnant!
931 00:44:49 我嗑药了 !I'm on drugs!
932 00:45:15 我找到我的花生了 ! 他叫保罗I found my peanut! This is Paul.
933 00:45:18 嗨Hey.
934 00:45:19 他牙齿真多啊He has so many teeth.
935 00:45:29 大家好啊 办公室笨蛋们 到圣诞节了 !What up, office fools? It's time for secret Santa!
936 00:45:33 谁准备好把手伸进我的神秘乳沟里Who's ready to reach into my cleave of wonders
937 00:45:36 来赢的大奖 ?and win themselves a prize?
938 00:45:38 桃瑞丝 你是第一个 宝贝Doris, I'm coming to you first, baby.
939 00:45:43 喔 ! 是台穿孔机 !Whoa! It is a hole-puncher!
940 00:45:46 你赢得了凯西的信用卡You have won Kathy's credit card.
941 00:45:49 走吧 一起跳舞去 !Let's go, dance circle!
942 00:45:50 布丽姬特 快来一起跳 你个小婊砸Bridget, come on in here, you slut!
943 00:45:55 多少小块可以组成一整个汉堡 ?How many sliders does it take to equal a whole burger?
944 00:45:59 什么 ?What?
945 00:46:01 要多少小汉堡才能组成一个大汉堡How many little burgers does it take to make a whole burger?
946 00:46:04 你疯了You're crazy.
947 00:46:06 别说我疯了Don't call me crazy.
948 00:46:07 永远别说孕妇是疯子Don't ever call a pregnant woman crazy.
949 00:46:10 - 好吧 - 永远不要Okay. All right. Not ever. Never.
950 00:46:11 好的Okay.
951 00:46:13 多少小块肉才等于一大块肉 ?How many little meats make up a whole big meat?
952 00:46:15 不知道 4块 ?I don't know, maybe four?
953 00:46:19 我吃了7块了I've had seven.
954 00:46:20 8块 我指的是8块Eight. I meant eight.
955 00:46:21 到底是4块还是8块 ?Is it four, or is it eight?
956 00:46:23 是8块及以上 所有人都知道的It's eight, or more. Everyone knows that.
957 00:46:25 谁告诉你的 ?Who told you that?
958 00:46:26 切汉堡的人The slider guy.
959 00:46:30 请眨下眼 要不然我会以为你晕过去了Please blink, so I know you're in there.
960 00:46:32 - 抱歉 - 天啊I'm sorry. God.
961 00:46:34 我身体里的血液在到处乱窜I just have blood pumping through my body
962 00:46:36 搞的我很不舒服in an uncomfortable way
963 00:46:38 感觉就像血液都集中到这里了and it feels like it's all accumulating right here.
964 00:46:40 别在我上班的地方做这种动作Don't touch yourself like that in my workplace.
965 00:46:43 我需要一个男人I need a man.
966 00:46:44 男人 ?A man?
967 00:46:45 我不知道这到底是什么情况I don't know... I don't know what's happening.
968 00:46:47 感觉是荷尔蒙在作祟It's, like, the hormones or something.
969 00:46:49 新来的那个男的好像一直在看你Actually, the new guy has sort of been checking you out.
970 00:46:54 - 哪个 ? - 那边...Which one? He's...
971 00:46:59 - 看到没 ? - 没Did you get it? No.
972 00:47:01 好吧 他...All right. He's like...
973 00:47:04 就在那边Right over there.
974 00:47:08 - 不行 - 为什么 ?No. No. Why?
975 00:47:10 因为他太年轻了Because he's too young.
976 00:47:12 小鲜肉每天就只想着嘿咻All young guys want to do is have sex all day.
977 00:47:14 而我只想快速嘿咻10分钟完事All I need is just a quick 10 minutes,
978 00:47:18 然后好好睡一觉and then a really long nap.
979 00:47:21 不过他具体多少岁 ?How old is that little niblet, anyway?
980 00:47:23 好像是二十si...七 ?Like, twenty-f... seven?
981 00:47:26 这样的人和我聊天只会有一个目的The only reason a guy like that would ever talk to me
982 00:47:28 就是让我给他们开买大麻的处方签is to get a prescription for medical marijuana.
983 00:47:30 所以还是不了So, no.
984 00:47:31 他好像走过来了 没错 他正在靠近这边I think he's coming over. Yeah, he's totally wanting it.
985 00:47:33 等下 他好像是在找吃的Wait, he might be going to the food.
986 00:47:35 别往那边看 他过来了Don't look over there. No, he's coming.
987 00:47:38 他到了He's here.
988 00:47:40 刚才看到你在瞧我Just saw you looking at me over there.
989 00:47:41 我就想着过来打个招呼I thought I'd come over, say "What's up."
990 00:47:45 嗯...Hmm.
991 00:47:48 我的天 难道是我会错意了 ?Oh, my god, did I misread that?
992 00:47:49 难道你刚才不是... 不是想着...Were you not... Were you just talking about...
993 00:47:51 额 你难道不是想让我主动过来吗 ?Um, did you not want me to come over?
994 00:47:58 嗨 我叫肯Hey, I'm Ken.
995 00:47:59 - 嗯 - 你肯定就是爱丽丝的姐姐了Hmm. You must be Alice's sister.
996 00:48:02 - 额 想来杯酒吗 ? - 不了Um, do you want a drink? No.
997 00:48:03 需要我帮你...Can I get you...
998 00:48:04 我白天的时候已经喝过不少东西了I had a lot of drinks earlier today.
999 00:48:09 你有没有听他们说过有聚会后派对 ?Have you heard anything about an after-party?
1000 00:48:10 又或者说 派对后的另一场派对 ?Or even, like, another part of this party?
1001 00:48:12 总感觉今天比平时更难熬...Because this feels like a longer day at work, than...
1002 00:48:17 天啊 我让你觉得无聊了吗 ?Oh, my god, am I boring you?
1003 00:48:19 你这是忍着一口哈欠 ?Is that... are you trying not to yawn?
1004 00:48:20 - 恩恩 - 你平时的表情就这样 ?Mmm-mmm. That's just your face?
1005 00:48:22 抱歉 我是一名医生 我只是今天工作太累了No, I'm sorry. I'm a doctor, and I'm just really tired.
1006 00:48:26 你刚说你是做什么的来着 ?What is it you were saying you do?
1007 00:48:28 我没说 不过我目前就在这里工作I wasn't, but I work here, for now.
1008 00:48:32 但是...But, um...
1009 00:48:33 天啊 你这是中风了 ?Oh, my god, are you having a stroke?
1010 00:48:36 说真的 这才刚开始度蜜月呢Seriously, this is the honeymoon.
1011 00:48:37 我们才认识30秒Like, we just met 30 seconds ago.
1012 00:48:39 如果连点小事都解决不了Honestly, like, if we're not gonna make it through this,
1013 00:48:41 以后日子肯定也过不下去了I don't think we're gonna make it at all.
1014 00:48:43 所以说 你还是痛快哈出来吧So, why don't you just, like, let her rip?
1015 00:48:45 一口气哈个爽Okay. Like, let it all out.
1016 00:48:48 耶Yeah.
1017 00:48:50 感觉很棒吧 ?How awesome was that?
1018 00:48:52 爽死了That feels so good.
1019 00:48:53 对吧 ?Right?
1020 00:48:55 你刚说你是谁来着 ?Who are you, again?
1021 00:48:57 额 我叫肯I'm, uh, Ken.
1022 00:48:58 那现在是什么情况 ?And what's going on here?
1023 00:49:00 - 你这是... - 我不...Is this... I don't...
1024 00:49:02 你这是有特殊癖好吗 ?Is this one of those fetish things?
1025 00:49:03 你是有恋足癖吗 喜欢我的脚 ?Where you're, like, a foot fetish. Am I the foot?
1026 00:49:07 你想玩足交吗 ?Do you want to be the foot?
1027 00:49:09 虽然我不是特别喜欢足交 不过我很想和你出去约会I'm not into feet, but I would like to go out with you.
1028 00:49:13 噢Oh.
1029 00:49:14 - 是的 - 为什么 ?Yes. Why?
1030 00:49:16 真的 ? 你不希望我找你约会吗 ?Really? I... Do you not want me to?
1031 00:49:18 我希望 我不是否决你 I do! I... that's not what I was saying.
1032 00:49:20 我只是好奇为什么No, I was just wondering why.
1033 00:49:21 因为我觉得你很性感Because I think you're hot.
1034 00:49:23 我觉得你也很有趣And I think you're funny.
1035 00:49:26 而且我喜欢你憋着哈欠的表情And I like the face you make when you're trying not to yawn.
1036 00:49:28 还有憋不住了之后一口气释放出来的快感 所以说...And then you have an awesome yawn after that, so...
1037 00:49:30 这些都是我找妹子的条件I mean, that's always something I've looked for in a girl.
1038 00:49:33 说不准I don't know.
1039 00:49:34 不过 干杯But, cheers.
1040 00:49:36 我去 这是杯蜡烛Holy shit, that's a candle.
1041 00:49:40 那要不要直接进入正戏 ?So, do you wanna just go do this, then?
1042 00:49:47 噢Oh.
1043 00:49:49 嗯Mmm.
1044 00:49:54 我不想要一本正经的感情I don't want anything serious.
1045 00:49:55 很好 因为我的处男之身是留着婚后用的Good, because I'm saving myself for marriage.
1046 00:49:58 开玩笑的I'm just kidding.
1047 00:50:00 天啊 你的身材好棒 !My god, your body is awesome!
1048 00:50:04 我身上有没有汉堡的味道 ?Do I smell like hamburgers?
1049 00:50:05 你尝起来就和汉堡一样美味You taste like hamburgers.
1050 00:50:09 简直爽That's totally beautiful.
1051 00:50:15 你根本没有You didn't really have
1052 00:50:15 必要大老远的送我过来的to come all the way here with me, you know?
1053 00:50:17 错过和你一起坐地铁的时光 ?And miss a subway ride with you?
1054 00:50:19 这相当于20分钟的独处时光呢That's like 20 extra minutes of Paul time.
1055 00:50:21 啊 谢谢Aw. Thank you. Yeah.
1056 00:50:23 我有东西给你Actually, I got you something.
1057 00:50:25 噢 什么Oh, okay.
1058 00:50:26 给你坐火车时享用的三明治I have a sandwich for the train ride.
1059 00:50:28 - 谢谢 - 里面还有一块百吉饼Oh, thank you. And there's a bagel in there, too,
1060 00:50:31 以防万一你不喜欢吃三明治的话in case you don't want the sandwich.
1061 00:50:33 虽然车程只有45分钟 不过还是谢谢It's a 45 minute train ride, but thank you.
1062 00:50:36 - 还有这个 - 什么 ?And there's this. What?
1063 00:50:38 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas.
1064 00:50:39 你不该破费的You shouldn't have.
1065 00:50:40 其实就是个小东西...Really, it's just a little thing that...
1066 00:50:42 噢 现在就打开吗Oh. Open it now, yeah.
1067 00:50:45 喔 这是我俩的照片Whoa! These are pictures of us.
1068 00:50:47 这是我共同度过的时光的回忆It's memories of all our time together.
1069 00:50:50 是啊 整整3个星期的照片呢 真够...Yeah, there's three weeks of photos. That's...
1070 00:50:53 剩下的空白我们以后补上And then we can fill in the rest.
1071 00:50:57 噢...Oh, so...
1072 00:50:58 听着 露西 我真的很在乎你Look, Lucy, I... I really care about you.
1073 00:51:03 我只是不知道And I just don't know if
1074 00:51:05 我们该不该太往长远考虑we want to think too much in the long term,
1075 00:51:08 因为我不知道自己和你有没有未来only because I don't know if I see a future with you.
1076 00:51:11 通常来说我会和妹子在节庆前分手Normally, I break up with people before the holidays,
1077 00:51:15 你懂的 好让她们不抱太多希望just so, you know, they don't get the wrong idea.
1078 00:51:17 但是我想着 既然我俩都在和其他人约会But I just thought, since we're dating other people,
1079 00:51:19 我可以慢慢等着I would just wait and
1080 00:51:21 等到马丁·路德·金纪念日再和你分手break up with you on Martin Luther King day.
1081 00:51:23 好的 我完全不懂你在说什么Okay, I have no idea what that means,
1082 00:51:25 但我感觉你好像很种族歧视but it sounds vaguely racist.
1083 00:51:26 这是通过计算后得出的 这个节日Just, statistically, it's the easiest holiday
1084 00:51:28 是分手的好时期 懂吧 ?to break up with someone on, you know?
1085 00:51:30 这个节日不用见家人I mean, there's no family obligations,
1086 00:51:32 而且情人节之前就能恢复好重新找对象you can get out before Valentine's day.
1087 00:51:34 抱歉打断下 你刚说了你在和其他人约会 ?I'm sorry, did you just say you're seeing other people?
1088 00:51:37 是啊Yeah.
1089 00:51:39 这不就是网上约会的重点吗 ?I mean, isn't that the whole point of online dating?
1090 00:51:41 不对No.
1091 00:51:43 目的是找到一生的伴侣 !It's to find your soul mate!
1092 00:51:47 我觉得以后我们还是别再见面了I, uh, think maybe we should only see other people.
1093 00:51:53 好了 和你聊得很愉快Okay. Great talk.
1094 00:51:56 拜Bye.
1095 00:52:00 额 圣诞快乐Um, merry Christmas.
1096 00:52:06 "我们安全了 !" 保罗在逃脱巨龙追捕的途中说到"'We're safe!' Said Paul, as they ran from the dragon."
1097 00:52:11 额 保罗是谁 ?Um, who's Paul?
1098 00:52:13 抱歉 他是王子Sorry, "The prince."
1099 00:52:16 然后他慢慢靠近后亲吻她 然后终于说出了口"Then, he leaned in to kiss her, and finally said..."
1100 00:52:26 真够缺德的Oh, that's rich.
1101 00:52:28 故事的结局是什么 ?How does the story end?
1102 00:52:29 我来告诉你们结局是什么I'll tell you how it ends.
1103 00:52:31 他吻了她 然后她醒来后终于觉得有人在爱着她He kisses her, and she wakes up and finally feels loved,
1104 00:52:36 而且理解她 而且需要她and understood, and wanted.
1105 00:52:39 然后她朋友看见他却和桃仙子共进晚餐But then, her friend sees him dining with the peach lady
1106 00:52:42 结果她都还没反应过来就被and before she knows it, she's kicked out
1107 00:52:44 逐出了城堡of the castle.
1108 00:52:46 "桃仙子" ?"The peach lady"?
1109 00:52:47 没错 就是"桃仙子"You bet your sweet ass "The peach lady."
1110 00:52:49 然后她开始审视自己犯的错误And now, you know, she's fixating on all her mistakes
1111 00:52:54 那些花在化妆上的钱and all the money she spent on makeup
1112 00:52:57 还有弄头发的 还有高跟鞋的 !and blow-outs, and the heels!
1113 00:53:00 破高跟鞋 穿着走路都疼The heels! Walking around on these.
1114 00:53:03 而且规定腿上不能长毛And I'm not supposed to have any hair here.
1115 00:53:06 但是却必须有飘飘长发No hair here, but tons of it here.
1116 00:53:09 必须有很漂亮的长发才行I'm supposed to have a ton, a ton of it here.
1117 00:53:11 你们觉得这头发是真的 ?You think this is all real?
1118 00:53:12 - 你们觉得这头发是真的 ? - 不会吧You think that it's all real? No.
1119 00:53:14 还得穿塑身裤 !And spanx!
1120 00:53:16 女孩们 千万别穿塑身裤Girls. Never wear spanx.
1121 00:53:18 因为到头来也得脱下来Because the endgame is to take them off, anyway
1122 00:53:20 然后王子就会看到你的大胖腿and then the prince is gonna see all your dumplings
1123 00:53:23 而且当你奋力把and there ain't nothing less attractive
1124 00:53:25 这层破塑身裤脱掉的时候than trying to squiggle your way
1125 00:53:26 绝对毫无吸引力可言out of what's basically sausage casing.
1126 00:53:29 你们看这破袜子 !Look at these links!
1127 00:53:30 大家 我们先休息下You know what, why don't we push pause
1128 00:53:32 暂时别听故事了 如何 ?on story time for just a second, huh?
1129 00:53:34 借过下 抱歉Okay, you know what? Sorry.
1130 00:53:35 - 你这是在逗我 ? - 喂 喂- Are you kidding me? - Hey, hey. Okay.
1131 00:53:37 - 这些是小孩用的剪刀 - 根本不管用These are kid scissors. They don't work.
1132 00:53:39 如果你的塑身裤是用图画纸做的就有用If your spanx were made of construction paper, they would.
1133 00:53:40 故事结局就是这样了And that's how the story ends.
1134 00:53:44 家长们 在你们离开之前Parents, I'm gonna ask you to sign something
1135 00:53:45 我得请你们签点东西before you leave, if you don't mind.
1136 00:53:47 下周的故事Story time next week.
1137 00:53:48 同一时间 同一地点 老师不同Same time, same place, different reader.
1138 00:53:51 谢谢大家 喂 你没事吧 ?Thank you. Okay, now. Hey, you. Hey. How are you?
1139 00:53:54 看着我 嗨 你好Look at me. Hi. Hello. Hi.
1140 00:53:56 噢 刚才真是太可怕了Oh, that was terrible.
1141 00:53:58 你把孩子们都吓傻了 好多家长也被你吓到了You scared all the kids, terrified a lot of parents.
1142 00:54:01 不过也感觉挺酷的But it was also kind of awesome.
1143 00:54:07 我叫乔治I'm George.
1144 00:54:11 露西Lucy.
1145 00:54:15 - 嗨 - 嗨Hey. Hi.
1146 00:54:17 - 嗨 - 嗨 !Hey. Hey!
1147 00:54:18 嘿 谢谢Hey! Oh, thank you.
1148 00:54:20 - 给你的 - 这瓶也给我吧For you. I'll take that.
1149 00:54:21 - 不行 - 这瓶是罗宾的Oh, no. That's Robin's.
1150 00:54:23 我比较喜欢放在自己的酒架上Yeah. I like to keep this on my own rack.
1151 00:54:26 抱歉我没来晚了Sorry, we're late.
1152 00:54:27 没事 我真高兴你们能来No, it's okay. I'm glad you guys could come.
1153 00:54:29 我知道一到过年单身都很不好过I know it's tough to be single around this time of year, so...
1154 00:54:33 为什么人们总是说这种话 ?Why do people always say that?
1155 00:54:35 节庆日是当单身的最佳日子The holidays is he best time to be single.
1156 00:54:37 每晚都有派对 到处都是免费的酒Parties every night, free-flowing booze.
1157 00:54:39 - 嗯嗯 - 圣诞老人的胡子挠你大腿Mmm-hmm. Santa's beard tickling your inner thigh.
1158 00:54:42 - 啥 ? - 晚上好What? Night.
1159 00:54:44 嗯 把你的外套...Yeah, take your jacket...
1160 00:54:45 来 把外套给...Here, you want me to get your...
1161 00:54:47 多谢你邀请我们Thanks for having us.
1162 00:54:48 不客气 我知道你最近很难受Yeah, sure. I know it's been tough for you.
1163 00:54:52 - 我 ? - 是啊For me? Yeah.
1164 00:54:53 不 我很好的No, I'm good.
1165 00:54:55 你女友能允许我It's really cool of your
1166 00:54:56 今晚来参加派对真够大量的girlfriend to be okay with me coming tonight.
1167 00:54:59 嗯 是啊 她挺成熟的Yeah. Yeah, I know, she's really mature.
1168 00:55:01 还有 我给她说的你是我表妹And, um, also, I told her you're my cousin.
1169 00:55:04 - 嗨 宝贝 - 嗨Hi, baby. Hey. Hi.
1170 00:55:06 你一定就是爱丽丝了Oh, you must be Alice.
1171 00:55:09 - 嗨 - 嗨Hi! Hi.
1172 00:55:17 梅吉 !Oh, Meg!
1173 00:55:19 - 嗨 - 嗨Hi. Hey.
1174 00:55:20 你在这干嘛呢 ?Hi, what are you doing here?
1175 00:55:21 我给你带了热巧克力I brought you hot chocolate.
1176 00:55:22 为什么 ?For what?
1177 00:55:23 给你喝啊For drinking.
1178 00:55:25 噢 可我8分钟后就得进去工作了Oh, I have to be back at work in eight minutes.
1179 00:55:27 完美Perfect.
1180 00:55:28 - 谢谢 - 不客气Oh, thank you. Sure.
1181 00:55:29 真贴心That was nice. Hi.
1182 00:55:31 很高兴见到你 你气色真不错It's good to see you. You look good.
1183 00:55:33 噢 里面加了波旁酒Oh, oh, there's bourbon in there.
1184 00:55:34 还有 刚才你直接吐回去了 ?Also, was that a real-life spit take?
1185 00:55:36 - 嗯 - 我从没见过现实里的人做过Mmm. I've never seen one in real life.
1186 00:55:38 我一直以为应该是...I just sort of thought it would be like...
1187 00:55:42 - 哇 - 对吧 ?Wow. You know?
1188 00:55:43 嗯Yeah.
1189 00:55:45 很好喝That was good, yeah.
1190 00:55:46 但是我目前不能喝酒I can't drink alcohol right now
1191 00:55:47 因为我待会要去接生because I'm about to deliver a baby.
1192 00:55:50 当医生太酷了It's so cool you're a doctor.
1193 00:55:53 你也很酷 你的职业是...It's so cool that you're...
1194 00:55:54 接待员A receptionist.
1195 00:55:56 好吧 那男性接待员是怎么工作的 ?Oh, okay. So, what's the male version of a receptionist?
1196 00:56:00 - 接待员 - 噢Receptionist. Oh.
1197 00:56:02 我喜欢这个工作的紧张感Oh, I just love the thrill of it, you know?
1198 00:56:04 比如 "您好 请骚等" "您好 ? 我查查看她有没有时间"Like, "Hello? Hold, please. "Hello? I'll see if she's available."
1199 00:56:06 但是我在考虑辞职But I'm thinking about quitting. I don't know.
1200 00:56:08 感觉就和以前我工作的那个餐厅没两样It's starting to feel like the restaurant I worked at.
1201 00:56:11 我去 圣诞树Oh. Oh, shit. Christmas trees.
1202 00:56:16 走吧 我们去买一株Come on, we'll get one.
1203 00:56:17 好吧 虽然我以前都不买圣诞树的 不过...Okay. I mean, I don't get Christmas trees, but...
1204 00:56:20 - 噢 你是犹太人 ? - 不是 我只是不买圣诞树Oh, are you Jewish? No, I just don't get Christmas trees.
1205 00:56:23 噢 原来你是怪物啊Oh, so, you're a monster.
1206 00:56:24 不是 我只是平时都不在家 而且我绝对养不活No, I'm just never home, and I would definitely kill it.
1207 00:56:28 不会的No.
1208 00:56:29 而且那些尖树叶会掉到地摊上And then those needles fall into the rug
1209 00:56:31 踩上去会刺脚and stab your feet when you walk on them.
1210 00:56:33 好吧Okay.
1211 00:56:34 看看这家伙 如何 ?All right. Look at this guy, right?
1212 00:56:37 这简直就是圣诞树版的约翰·麦克兰(虎胆龙威)That's the John mcclane of Christmas trees.
1213 00:56:39 你绝对杀不死这家伙Like, you cannot kill this guy.
1214 00:56:40 我们给土壤灌入足够的水We load him up with a bunch of water,
1215 00:56:42 然后再在两边弄个自主浇水的工具stuff one of those self-pouring cat bottles on the side,
1216 00:56:45 养3个星期绝对没问题you're good to go for, like, three weeks.
1217 00:56:47 相信我 到时候你绝对会求着他去死I'm telling you, you're gonna be begging this guy to die.
1218 00:56:49 - 嗯 - 然后3周后Yeah. Then, in three weeks
1219 00:56:50 我们就把这家伙丢街边去we throw this guy out on the street,
1220 00:56:52 给他打扮下迎接情人节and get ready for Valentine's day.
1221 00:56:54 "我们给他打扮" ?"We" Get ready for Valentine's day?
1222 00:56:55 对啊 爱心 糖果之类的Yeah, hearts, candy, you name it. Oh.
1223 00:56:58 不是 我不是这个意思...Oh, no, no, no, no. That's not...
1224 00:57:00 听着 三星期后Listen, in three weeks from now,
1225 00:57:03 我俩之间的新鲜感肯定就降温了I think the novelty of this whole thing will have worn off
1226 00:57:06 然后现实就会插入其中and I think, the reality will set in,
1227 00:57:09 也就意味着 我是个工作狂which is that I work all the time
1228 00:57:11 而且我很可能完全没时间见你and I probably would never see you,
1229 00:57:13 然后我估计得取消我们所有的约会and I'd probably have to cancel all of our dates.
1230 00:57:16 然后当我最终见到你的时候And, when I did finally see you,
1231 00:57:19 我很可能会特别累 当着你的面就睡着了I would probably just fall asleep on your face.
1232 00:57:21 - 噢 - 然后呢Oh... Yeah, and then,
1233 00:57:23 你就会离开我 然后去健身房撩妹去了.You would go off, and meet some girl at the gym.
1234 00:57:24 因为很显然你有很多时间去健身房Because you obviously have a lot of time to spend at the gym
1235 00:57:27 而她也是 然后and so would she, and
1236 00:57:29 我都不知道我们为啥要聊这个话题I don't even know why we're having this conversation.
1237 00:57:30 很显然你根本不适合我I mean, you are obviously not a real thing
1238 00:57:32 而且我觉得我们现在聊天都是在浪费空气and I feel like we're wasting air even talking about it.
1239 00:57:35 而且我屁股疼 真正的臀部疾病And I have hip problems, real hip problems,
1240 00:57:38 而且不是玩乐弄出来的and not from doing fun things,
1241 00:57:40 比如嘿咻啥的 是真正的疾病like having sex, but from gravity.
1242 00:57:42 我们度过的时光很美好And what we had was great.
1243 00:57:44 谢谢你让我度过了一段愉快的时期Thank you for helping me out with that.
1244 00:57:48 是很好玩That was fun.
1245 00:57:49 但你得去找一个和你同龄的妹子But you will find a girl your own age
1246 00:57:52 然后你俩一起找乐子去and then you can do fun things
1247 00:57:54 比如找圣诞树什么的like look for trees and whatever.
1248 00:57:56 但你我之间是没有未来的 所以说...But that's not what's happening here, between you and me, so...
1249 00:57:59 已经事先给你说清了Just so you know.
1250 00:58:00 我现在得回去工作了I have to get back to work now.
1251 00:58:04 我的天My god.
1252 00:58:05 好吧 我们不买圣诞树就是了 !Fine, we won't get a Christmas tree!
1253 00:58:09 - 你开心吗 ? - 我很开心You okay? You happy? I'm okay.
1254 00:58:15 - 你跳得很好 - 这个派对太棒了You did good. This is an incredible party.
1255 00:58:19 - 嗯 - 你嘴真甜Mmm. You're sweet.
1256 00:58:33 喂 罗宾Hey, Robin.
1257 00:58:34 嗯Yeah.
1258 00:58:38 怎么 ?Oh. Yes?
1259 00:58:39 要不要去看看洛克菲勒树 ?Do you want to go see the rockefeller tree?
1260 00:58:41 - 现在 ? - 对Right now? Yeah.
1261 00:58:43 那两个小帅哥是从意大利赶过来的No, buzz-cut and dimples are visiting from Italy,
1262 00:58:46 他们很想知道美国圣诞节的习俗and they want to know all about American Christmas traditions
1263 00:58:49 比如我俩坐在他们脸上like us sitting on their faces.
1264 00:58:51 - 不行 - 来嘛 今天是圣诞节耶 !No. No. Come on, it's Christmas!
1265 00:58:53 我今晚才不做这种事I'm not gonna do that tonight.
1266 00:58:55 为什么 ? 他们的丁丁估计是煎饼卷的形状Why? Their dicks probably look like cannolis.
1267 00:58:58 不了 我自己去吧 我明天打电话给你No, it's okay. I'll call you tomorrow.
1268 00:59:08 这是塑料制的 养不死的It's plastic. You can't kill it.
1269 00:59:43 嗨Hey.
1270 00:59:46 嗨Hey.
1271 00:59:48 我好像认识你I feel like I know you.
1272 00:59:50 老天 我真希望身上带着你的名片God, I wish I had one of your business cards,
1273 00:59:52 我才能记起来你是谁so I could remember who you are.
1274 00:59:55 嗯 你是那个已婚的有钱男人Yeah, you're the, um, fancy married guy,
1275 00:59:58 有小孩 有大楼with the kid and the buildings.
1276 01:00:00 额 我没结婚Uh, I'm not married.
1277 01:00:02 不过我确实有个女儿Um, I do have a daughter.
1278 01:00:05 噢Oh.
1279 01:00:06 - 我也确实有钱 - 嗯And I'm fancy. Yeah.
1280 01:00:07 你的围巾是搭在大衣外面的You're wearing a scarf on the outside of your jacket.
1281 01:00:10 完全没有任何保暖作用Which... That serves zero purpose.
1282 01:00:14 额...Um...
1283 01:00:17 我有个很冒昧的请求Uh, this is super random, but do you
1284 01:00:19 你愿意和我去看洛克菲勒树吗 ?want to go see the rockefeller tree with me?
1285 01:00:23 不去吗 ? 你脸上有着大写的"不去"No? That's a big "No."
1286 01:00:25 不是不是No, no.
1287 01:00:26 我知道很可能那里已经挤满了游客I know it's probably like so crowded with so many tourists
1288 01:00:28 我也不知道自己为什么想去看看I don't know why I even want to do that.
1289 01:00:30 我只是想事情入神了而已 我想带你去看点东西I just... I was just thinking, I want to show you something.
1290 01:00:34 好啊Okay.
1291 01:00:38 好了 把门关上All right. This door.
1292 01:00:41 好吧Aye.
1293 01:00:44 我现在才意识到You know what? I am just realizing now
1294 01:00:45 我居然跟着一个陌生人that I've gone with a complete stranger,
1295 01:00:47 进了一座到处都是塑料的废弃建筑to an abandoned location covered in plastic.
1296 01:00:51 所以如果你是想杀我的话So, if you're gonna Dexter me...
1297 01:00:54 老实说吧You know what? Honestly?
1298 01:00:56 我现在根本不怕死了Dying would not be the worst thing in the world, right now.
1299 01:00:58 - 这是什么情况 ? - 闭上双眼What is happening? All right. Close your eyes.
1300 01:01:00 好吧 闭上了 永别了 !Okay. Here we go. Bye!
1301 01:01:05 - 什么声音啊 ? - 马上就好What is that sound? Just one second.
1302 01:01:06 巨大的浴帘 ?The world's largest shower curtain?
1303 01:01:09 是什么啊 ? 现在什么情况 ?What is it? What's happening?
1304 01:01:10 马上就好One sec. Uh...
1305 01:01:12 你在拿裹尸袋吗 ?Is that the body bag?
1306 01:01:13 你在拿封口胶带 ?Is that duct tape?
1307 01:01:14 到底是念"封嘴胶带"还是"封口胶带" ?Is it "Duck" Tape or is it "Duct" Tape?
1308 01:01:18 额 睁开眼Um, open your eyes.
1309 01:01:33 天啊Oh, my god.
1310 01:01:36 太漂亮了This is amazing.
1311 01:01:43 谢谢你Thank you.
1312 01:01:45 我一直都想来看看I've always wanted to see this.
1313 01:01:46 不客气Yeah.
1314 01:01:48 我不知道为什么我总是I don't know why I always talk myself out
1315 01:01:49 老是阻止自己做真正想做的事of doing the things that I really want to do.
1316 01:01:51 比如呢 ?Like what?
1317 01:01:52 有些人在新年的时候There's this thing that people do on new year's,
1318 01:01:54 会大半夜登上大峡谷where they hike the Grand Canyon in the dark, hmm.
1319 01:01:57 然后第二天早晨看看新年的黎明So that they can watch the new year come in with the dawn.
1320 01:02:01 感觉真浪漫That sounds amazing.
1321 01:02:03 是啊I know. Yeah.
1322 01:02:05 我只是不喜欢登山I'm just not a hiker.
1323 01:02:06 我不喜欢地上的那个I don't like that stuff that's on the ground,
1324 01:02:09 会粘在你身上的东西that, like, gets on you.
1325 01:02:10 - 泥巴 ? - 没错The dirt? Yes.
1326 01:02:14 但是 我也不好说But, um, I don't know.
1327 01:02:18 要不然今年我们用其他方式度过 ?Maybe we can, um, do something else this year.
1328 01:02:22 - "我们" ? - 我说了"我们" ?"We"? Did I say "We"?
1329 01:02:36 它的名字叫"瓶瓶"This one's name is ping-ping.
1330 01:02:38 "瓶瓶" ?Ping-ping?
1331 01:02:39 很高兴见到你It's nice to meet you.
1332 01:02:40 那它呢 ?Who's this guy?
1333 01:02:42 狮子Lion.
1334 01:02:43 狮子很帅气 而且好像和我很般配Lion is very handsome and, also, we seem to be matching.
1335 01:02:46 那它呢 ?Well, what about this guy?
1336 01:02:48 斑马-斑马Zebra-zebra.
1337 01:02:49 嗯 妈妈给我说过不要相信有2个名字的男人Hmm. I was told never to trust a man with two first names.
1338 01:02:54 那其他人的名字呢 ?What about, do you want to tell me the names of these ones?
1339 01:02:56 洛杉矶打来的电话 我去接一下This is la. I'll be two seconds.
1340 01:02:58 好的 没关系Okay, we're fine.
1341 01:03:00 你会唱眼睛歌吗 ?Do you know the eyes of you song?
1342 01:03:02 什么 ?The what song?
1343 01:03:04 眼睛歌Eyes of you song.
1344 01:03:05 好像没听过No, I don't know what that is.
1345 01:03:12 噢 记起来了Oh, I know that song.
1346 01:03:23 你们干嘛呢 ?What are you doing?
1347 01:03:25 我们准备开启流行歌手之路Well, we were working on our pop star careers,
1348 01:03:26 但是她的声音比我的好听多了but her voice is way better than mine.
1349 01:03:29 我能和你谈谈吗 ?Can I talk to you?
1350 01:03:30 好 好Yeah, yeah.
1351 01:03:38 你干嘛呢 ?Uh, what are you doing?
1352 01:03:40 什么意思 ?What do you mean?
1353 01:03:41 你又不是她妈妈You're not her mom.
1354 01:03:43 你说... 什么...What are you... What are you...
1355 01:03:45 什么意思 ?What do you mean?
1356 01:03:48 我们只是一起唱了首歌 大卫We were just singing, David.
1357 01:03:50 对不起 但是只要是有菲比有关的事Look, I'm sorry, but when it comes to Phoebe,
1358 01:03:55 我会变得保护欲非常强I get very protective.
1359 01:03:57 而你可不能...And, you can't just...
1360 01:04:02 真的很抱歉Look, I'm really sorry.
1361 01:04:04 我不知道原来有这种事I didn't know that that was a thing.
1362 01:04:06 我不是想着要...I'm not trying to, like...
1363 01:04:10 我不知道这样做会惹你生气I guess I didn't know that that would upset you
1364 01:04:12 因为你有什么事because you don't actually ever really
1365 01:04:14 都不和我分享share anything with me.
1366 01:04:34 你知道我是怎么发现你妻子过世的事的吗 ?Do you know how I found out your wife passed away?
1367 01:04:38 这栋楼的门卫告诉我的From your doorman, David.
1368 01:04:39 好吧Yeah, well.
1369 01:04:41 我还以为你们只是离婚了 没想到是这样I just thought you were divorced. I had no idea.
1370 01:04:43 她才过世两年It's just been two years, okay?
1371 01:04:45 菲比还没有做好承受的心理准备Phoebe's not ready for all that.
1372 01:04:47 我完全不清楚为人父母是怎样的感觉I have no idea what it's like to be a parent.
1373 01:04:50 但是 我觉得你必须告诉菲比真相才行But, I feel like you have to open up to Phoebe about her mom.
1374 01:04:53 听着 爱丽丝Look, Alice.
1375 01:04:56 我不能再和你交往了I can't do this.
1376 01:04:59 对不起I'm sorry.
1377 01:06:20 我知道我不该再依靠你了I know I'm not supposed to need you anymore, but...
1378 01:06:29 但是我真的需要你I really do.
1379 01:06:31 过来吧Come here.
1380 01:06:36 感觉我都不认识自己是谁了I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.
1381 01:06:41 没关系的It's okay.
1382 01:06:49 我得事先警告你 我这段时间睡觉会放屁I have to warn you, I have this weird farting thing happening.
1383 01:06:54 我不知道是不是自己放I don't know if it's me,
1384 01:06:55 或者是婴儿通过我的身体来放 不过...or the baby farting through me, or what, but...
1385 01:06:59 让我看看Let me see.
1386 01:07:03 嗨 你个熊孩子Hi, you stinky little baby.
1387 01:07:08 你知道你已经瞒不了他多久了吧You know you're not gonna be able to hide this for much longer.
1388 01:07:13 你得告诉他真相You need to tell him.
1389 01:07:25 我爱你 妹妹I love you, monkey.
1390 01:07:27 我爱你I love you.
1391 01:07:37 嗨 酒鬼节快乐Hey, happy alcoholic's day.
1392 01:07:41 好吧 让我猜猜看All right, let me guess.
1393 01:07:43 你是那种讨厌节庆的扫兴宅女You're one of those parade-hating buzzkills that stays at home,
1394 01:07:45 从不跟我们一起到大街上庆祝while the rest of us are out here,
1395 01:07:46 圣帕特里克节celebrating Saint Patrick's day.
1396 01:07:48 不对 给你看 我要过节No. You know what? I'm into it.
1397 01:07:50 乔治有八分之一爱尔兰血统George is an eighth Irish.
1398 01:07:52 你觉得他会喜欢吗 ?Do you think he'll like it? Look, I did...
1399 01:07:54 嗯Yeah.
1400 01:07:55 乔治是谁 ?Who's George?
1401 01:07:56 露西 嘿 !Luce. Hey!
1402 01:07:58 他来了 !Oh, there he is!
1403 01:08:01 那就是乔治 ?That's George?
1404 01:08:04 圣帕特里克节快乐 !Happy Saint Patrick's day!
1405 01:08:06 太棒了 !Yes!
1406 01:08:09 嗯Mmm.
1407 01:09:24 - 嗨 - 嗨Hi. Hi.
1408 01:09:27 好久不见了It's been forever.
1409 01:09:28 是啊Yeah.
1410 01:09:30 你是和谁一起来的吗 ?Are you here with somebody?
1411 01:09:31 不是 我一个人来的Oh, no. I'm, I'm, I'm alone.
1412 01:09:34 我只是来买点煎饼吃的I just thought I'd grab some pancakes,
1413 01:09:36 - 我喜欢吃煎饼 - 这是我们的主题餐厅'cause I love pancakes. This was our place.
1414 01:09:38 好吧Okay.
1415 01:09:40 你来这干嘛呢 ? 和谁一起来的 ?What are you doing? Who are you here with?
1416 01:09:41 我和父母一起来的I'm here with my parents.
1417 01:09:43 - 天啊 - 就是他们Oh, my god. Here they are.
1418 01:09:44 - 瞧瞧是谁啊 - 爱丽丝 !- Look who it is. - Alice!
1419 01:09:46 - 嗨 你好吗 ? - 天啊- Hi! How are you? - Oh, my god.
1420 01:09:47 我们是来庆祝节日的We're here to celebrate.
1421 01:09:49 - 你好啊 - 真高兴见到你 嗨How are you? It's so good to see you. Hi.
1422 01:09:50 乔什考进了商业学校Josh got into business school.
1423 01:09:52 - 什么 ? - 真的- What? - I did.
1424 01:09:53 就这么自然而然的进去了It just happened. It's crazy.
1425 01:09:55 我都不知道原来你...I didn't even know you wanted to...
1426 01:09:56 我们来一起照张相吧We were just gonna take a picture.
1427 01:09:58 来一起照吧Come on, get in here. Oh.
1428 01:09:59 我们来一起照张相吧We're just gonna take a picture.
1429 01:10:00 来嘛 一起照一张Come on, come on, get in here.
1430 01:10:02 - 大家挤挤 - 不不不 !- Squeeze in. - No, no, no!
1431 01:10:03 自拍时间 ! 一 二...Selfie time! Selfie time. One, two...
1432 01:10:05 三 !Three!
1433 01:10:06 你比她更优秀You're better than her.
1434 01:10:09 哇 啥 ?Wow. What?
1435 01:10:10 啥 ? 老妈 !What? Mom!
1436 01:10:11 你还是赶紧进去吧You need to go inside.
1437 01:10:13 我知道你说过很多次了I know you've said it a million times.
1438 01:10:14 - 请慢走 - 带她进去吃东西All right. There you go. Take her inside,
1439 01:10:16 - 然后带她回家 - 非常高兴再次见到你and then take her home. Great to see you again.
1440 01:10:18 非常高兴再次见到你Great to see you. Okay.
1441 01:10:19 拜拜Bye, guys.
1442 01:10:20 非常高兴见到你It's great to see you.
1443 01:10:21 非常高兴见到你It's great to see you.
1444 01:10:22 嗯Yeah.
1445 01:10:23 是啊Okay. Yeah.
1446 01:10:28 别把我的煎饼挤坏了Don't squash my pancakes, man.
1447 01:10:30 抱歉Oh, sorry.
1448 01:10:31 你想不想...Do you want to... Yeah, let's...
1449 01:10:33 - 我们找个时间出来玩玩吧 - 回头见We should hang out soon. I'll see you around.
1450 01:10:34 - 好 - 好Okay. Okay.
1451 01:10:36 拜Bye.
1452 01:11:12 什么鬼 ?What the fuck?
1453 01:11:20 你怀孕了 ?Are you pregnant?
1454 01:11:27 干嘛 ?What?
1455 01:11:30 我之前想着生小孩 是的I've been trying to have a baby. Yes.
1456 01:11:31 反正估计也保不住的I... it's probably not even going to stick.
1457 01:11:35 我觉得已经保住了好吗Yeah, I think it stuck.
1458 01:11:37 好吧 我不知道你这语气是什么情况Okay, I don't know what that tone was
1459 01:11:39 不过 如果你还没注意到的话but, if you haven't noticed,
1460 01:11:42 我的奶子最近变大好多了my boobs have gotten much bigger.
1461 01:11:44 我当然注意到你的奶子变大了Yeah, of course I noticed your boobs getting bigger.
1462 01:11:46 我还在计划表上注明了好吗 ?I put that on my vision board, okay?
1463 01:11:47 我还以为是被我揉大的I thought that was because of me.
1464 01:11:49 哪种人会干这种事啊 ?Who does that?
1465 01:11:50 我 ! 和我一样的人 有远见有计划的人 !I do! People like me, visionaries!
1466 01:11:52 难道你没发现我变胖了吗 ?Didn't you notice that I was getting fat?
1467 01:11:54 你这是陷阱题 你没有变胖That's a trick question. You are not getting fat.
1468 01:11:57 你非常漂亮 你一直非常漂亮You are beautiful, you have always been beautiful,
1469 01:11:59 而且看上去宝宝非常健康and you are carrying this so well.
1470 01:12:00 真的 ?You think?
1471 01:12:02 所以你最近才逃避我吗 ?Is this why you've been avoiding me lately?
1472 01:12:04 天啊Oh, my god.
1473 01:12:05 我感觉我要...I think I'm gonna...
1474 01:12:08 我要当爸爸了 !I'm gonna be a dad!
1475 01:12:10 不是不是No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1476 01:12:11 抱歉 我们要生小孩了 !Sorry, we're gonna have a baby!
1477 01:12:12 我们要当 不是"老爸" 我们要...We're gonna be... Not "Dads." We're gonna...
1478 01:12:17 不是No, it's not.
1479 01:12:18 不是你的Like, you're not... It's not...
1480 01:12:21 不是我的 ?Is that not mine?
1481 01:12:22 只是我自己怀孕了而已I'm just pregnant.
1482 01:12:24 什么意思 "自己怀孕了" ?What do you mean, you're "Just pregnant"?
1483 01:12:25 简直疯了 怎么可能有这种事 ?That's crazy. How's that possible?
1484 01:12:26 - 啥 ? - 我说了 你在发疯What? I said, you're being crazy.
1485 01:12:28 你这么久一直瞒着我You've lied to me the entire time
1486 01:12:29 我们在一起这么久了 你也怀孕这么久了we've been together about being pregnant
1487 01:12:31 而我现在相信你了 你却要生我气 ?and now you're upset with me because I believed it?
1488 01:12:32 只有疯子才会做这种事That's what a crazy person does.
1489 01:12:34 你说了三遍了That's three times.
1490 01:12:37 再说一遍试试Say it again.
1491 01:12:38 我也说不清 我感觉你就是有点疯I don't know. It just seems crazy to me.
1492 01:12:40 我告诉你件事I just want to tell you something.
1493 01:12:42 通常来说Usually, it's a good idea
1494 01:12:44 最好别称孕妇为疯子not to call a pregnant woman crazy.
1495 01:12:47 懂我意思吧 ?You know what I mean?
1496 01:12:48 她是疯子 大家She's nuts, everybody.
1497 01:12:51 真好笑 !So funny!
1498 01:12:54 我去 天呐 !Oh, sh... oh, my god!
1499 01:12:55 一点都不好笑 !Not funny!
1500 01:12:56 释放出来吧 妹子Get it, girl.
1501 01:13:02 谁是生父 ?Who is the father?
1502 01:13:04 我不知道 !I don't know! I don't know.
1503 01:13:06 你怎么会不知道 ?How do you not know?
1504 01:13:07 别对我大吼大叫的Stop yelling at me.
1505 01:13:08 你怎么会不清楚How could you not know something like that?
1506 01:13:09 难道你没记住他名字 ?Did you not catch his name?
1507 01:13:11 这是由别人捐献的精子I did I.V.F. With a sperm donor.
1508 01:13:12 - 我的天 - 懂没 ?Oh, my god. Okay?
1509 01:13:14 你有意见吗 ?Do you have a problem with that?
1510 01:13:15 我没意见 这是你自己的身体I don't have a problem with that. It's your body.
1511 01:13:17 你想对自己的身体干什么都可以Do whatever you want with your body.
1512 01:13:18 纹一身的纹身 我不在乎Cover it in tattoos. I don't care.
1513 01:13:20 但我觉得我有权利知道I think I deserve to know when there's someone
1514 01:13:21 和我上床的女人肚子里还有个人living inside the person I'm having sex with.
1515 01:13:23 别说这种话 恶心死了 !Don't say that. That's gross!
1516 01:13:24 一点都不恶心 而是很浪漫 !There is nothing gross about that. It is beautiful!
1517 01:13:27 - 根本不关你的事 - 血缘上是不关我的事It's not your problem. Not genetically, okay?
1518 01:13:29 但我的女朋友要生孩子了But my girlfriend is having a baby.
1519 01:13:32 宝贝 如果我们想携手走下去Babe, if we're gonna make this thing work, like,
1520 01:13:34 这种事必须事先告诉我才行this is the kind of thing I need to know.
1521 01:13:36 你能做什么 ? 待在家带孩子 ?What are you gonna do? Stay home and take care of a baby?
1522 01:13:40 我中大奖了吗 ?Did I just win the lottery?
1523 01:13:42 没错 我当然想在家带孩子Yes, I want to stay home and take care of a baby.
1524 01:13:43 当我只有八岁的时候When I was eight years old,
1525 01:13:45 我的万圣节服装就是居家老爸my Halloween costume was a stay-at-home dad.
1526 01:13:47 你这是告诉我 我再也不用工作了You're saying I never have to go to work again.
1527 01:13:49 还随时都可以和宝宝玩耍 ?I get to hang out with a baby all day?
1528 01:13:50 别再说"宝宝"这个词了Just stop saying the word "Baby."
1529 01:13:52 宝宝 宝宝 宝宝 ! 宝宝赛高 !Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby! Because babies are awesome!
1530 01:13:55 好的 听着Okay, listen.
1531 01:13:57 我们一起当家长估计会非常有好玩You and I, we probably would have a lot of fun together
1532 01:14:02 但是某一天 我们会开车出去旅游and then, one day, we would be on this road trip together.
1533 01:14:06 掌盘司机是我 然后我开累了And I would be driving, and then I'd get tired
1534 01:14:08 然后就不想开了and I would hate to do it,
1535 01:14:10 然后我同意你来开but I would agree to let you drive.
1536 01:14:13 然后我会感觉非常有安全感And then, I would feel very safe,
1537 01:14:15 然后我们就会出车祸and that's when we would crash.
1538 01:14:17 你觉得你可以控制整个世界 但是你不能You think you can control everything, but you can't.
1539 01:14:21 人生不是这么过的That's not how this works.
1540 01:14:23 如果要我选共同养育孩子的人 那绝对是你If I could choose someone to do this with, it would be you.
1541 01:14:27 你确实能选啊 !You can choose!
1542 01:14:29 只是... 出车祸的那辆车上还有孩子I just... I'm not the only one in the car, anymore.
1543 01:14:36 好吧Yeah.
1544 01:14:40 事先说好 这不是我抛弃你Well, for the record, this is not me leaving.
1545 01:14:43 而是你把我拒之门外This is you pushing me away.
1546 01:15:32 - 爸爸 ? - 怎么啦 宝贝 ?Daddy? Yeah, babe?
1547 01:15:34 我想听眼睛歌I want the eyes of you song.
1548 01:15:36 唱给我听Sing it to me.
1549 01:15:39 今晚不行 好吗 ?Not tonight, sweetheart. Okay?
1550 01:15:45 快睡觉吧Get some sleep.
1551 01:16:19 只是 估计乔什和我现在都结婚了It's just, Josh and I could be married by now
1552 01:16:22 然后我们会生出一个超级漂亮的女儿and we would have, like, the cutest little baby daughter
1553 01:16:24 而且我们估计会以水果命名她and she would probably be named after a fruit.
1554 01:16:28 怎么会有"乔治"这种蠢名字啊 对吧 ?What kind of name is "George," Anyway? Right?
1555 01:16:31 我讨厌他的发型I hate his hair.
1556 01:16:33 准确的说的话 我们会生出一个4岁的女儿Actually, technically, we would have a four-year-old daughter,
1557 01:16:36 然后给她取名为蕾哈娜in which case, her name would be Rihanna.
1558 01:16:38 什么 ? 我们认识的时间还没4年呢What? We haven't known each other four years.
1559 01:16:41 不是说你 是乔什No, not you. Josh.
1560 01:16:42 噢 好吧Oh, right, yeah.
1561 01:16:44 不过我和露西也是你们这种状况But, exactly. It's the same thing with me and Lucy.
1562 01:16:46 如果我跑去上班It's like, if I go to work,
1563 01:16:48 而她却不在的话 我就会很生气之类的and she's not there, I'm like mad or something.
1564 01:16:50 是啊 真是够烦的Yeah. Which is nuts,
1565 01:16:52 因为她还没有完全讨厌你呢because she's not completely disgusted by you.
1566 01:16:54 我想不通I don't get it. I don't
1567 01:16:55 我不知道再上哪去找像她一样的妹子了know where I'm gonna find another one like her.
1568 01:16:57 是啊 我也说不清Yeah. I don't know, man.
1569 01:17:00 或许我们的抉择都弄错了Maybe we've just made all the wrong moves.
1570 01:17:03 或许这么久以来Maybe, this whole time,
1571 01:17:04 我们的注意力都集中在错误的地方we've been focusing on all the wrong stuff
1572 01:17:06 而现在已经太晚了and now it's just too late.
1573 01:17:09 敬错误的地方To the wrong stuff.
1574 01:17:12 就这瓶了 我们不能超过11瓶This is it. We can't pass "Eleven."
1575 01:17:16 你说什么呢 ?What are you talking about?
1576 01:17:18 我们的清醒度上限Our drink number.
1577 01:17:20 在每一段男女关系中 都有喝酒的清醒度上限In every male and female friendship, there's a number of drinks,
1578 01:17:22 如果超过了这个量 那你俩一定会嘿咻 统计学得出的and if you pass it, you have to have sex, mathematically.
1579 01:17:26 随你怎么说吧 老兄Whatever, dude.
1580 01:17:31 抱歉 吵到你了Oi. Sorry. Loud noise.
1581 01:17:33 这... 这瓶酒哪来的 ?Wha... where did that come from?
1582 01:17:35 额 地板上Uh, the floor.
1583 01:17:39 一 二 三 三瓶One, two, three. That's three.
1584 01:17:44 四 五 六Four, five, six.
1585 01:17:48 七Seven.
1586 01:17:53 八 九Eight, nine.
1587 01:18:01 只有十瓶 太好了It's just ten. It's just ten.
1588 01:18:07 十一 那瓶你喝了吗 ?Eleven. Did you drink this?
1589 01:18:09 没No.
1590 01:18:10 感谢长者Oh, thank god.
1591 01:18:11 是你喝的You did.
1592 01:18:25 我们好像犯了个错This may be a mistake.
1593 01:18:27 真是个馊主意It's just such a bad idea.
1594 01:18:29 抱歉 我刚才把你想象成露西了Yeah, I'm sorry. I was trying to bone the Lucy out of my system.
1595 01:18:32 要是平常的话 我肯定会生气Yeah, see, normally, I feel like I'd be mad at that.
1596 01:18:34 但我刚才也把你当成乔什了But I just did the exact same thing to you.
1597 01:18:36 是啊Right, yeah.
1598 01:18:37 该死 我好像喜欢上她了Shit. I think I like her.
1599 01:18:41 当我和她相处的时候Like, when we're together,
1600 01:18:44 我能感觉自己变优秀了I feel like me, but, like, a better me.
1601 01:18:51 这就是爱情的魔力 我必须找到的东西See, that's the magic. That's what I got to find.
1602 01:18:54 是啊Yeah.
1603 01:19:00 我自己出去就行I can let myself out.
1604 01:19:35 干杯 !Cheers!
1605 01:19:44 喔 !Whoa!
1606 01:19:46 爱丽丝 ! 生日快乐 !Alice! Happy birthday!
1607 01:19:49 嗨Hi!
1608 01:19:51 谢谢 这是什么 ? 快给我看看Thank you. What is that? Give me that.
1609 01:19:52 额 其实是给梅吉的Um, this is actually for Meg.
1610 01:19:54 我让人给她定制的I had it made for her, specially.
1611 01:19:57 嗷...Aw...
1612 01:19:58 太贴心了 真舒适啊 噢That is so sweet. Look how cozy. Oh.
1613 01:20:03 我以后在给她吧Maybe I'll give it to her. Just, later on.
1614 01:20:05 嘿 !Hey!
1615 01:20:07 没有汤姆 没有乔什No tom, no Josh,
1616 01:20:08 我今天就要自己好好玩I'm just gonna have a really good time
1617 01:20:09 一个汉子都不会想and I'm not gonna think about any boys at all.
1618 01:20:13 敬没有汉子的一天Here's to no drama.
1619 01:20:14 - 干杯 - 呼 !No drama. Whoo!
1620 01:20:24 生日快乐 !Happy birthday!
1621 01:20:35 呼 !Whoo!
1622 01:20:45 谢了 伙计Thanks, buddy.
1623 01:20:53 我的天Oh, my god.
1624 01:20:57 老兄 瑞奇·斯提普金 !Dude, Ricky stimpkins!
1625 01:20:58 乔什 ! 你好啊老兄Josh! What's up, man?
1626 01:20:59 哇 大学之后就没见过你了 老兄 !Wow, I haven't seen you since college, man!
1627 01:21:01 我忙着工作呢I'm just hanging.
1628 01:21:02 我准备去弄点酒喝 待会再聊I got to go get a drink, but I'll catch you later.
1629 01:21:05 好的 没问题Okay, cool. Yeah, man.
1630 01:21:06 我要去找爱丽丝I'm gonna find Alice.
1631 01:21:08 高个子Tall person.
1632 01:21:13 我们约好了不戴帽子We got a whole "No hats" Thing
1633 01:21:15 感觉你人还挺不错的...but, uh, you seem like a good guy, and, you know...
1634 01:21:20 嗨 大家好啊Hey. What's up, guys?
1635 01:21:22 - 嗨 - 乔什Hey. Hey. Josh.
1636 01:21:24 你就是乔什 ?You're Josh?
1637 01:21:25 这话什么意思 ?What's that supposed to mean?
1638 01:21:26 没什么 一切都说得通了No, nothing. Makes total sense.
1639 01:21:29 等下 你怎么认识爱丽丝的 ?Wait, how do you know Alice?
1640 01:21:31 你们是怎么认识爱丽丝的 ?How do you guys know Alice?
1641 01:21:32 我了个操Oh, fuck me.
1642 01:21:34 他就是乔什This is Josh.
1643 01:21:35 说得通Makes sense.
1644 01:21:36 啥 ? 你们是她的新朋友吗 还是...What? Are you guys new friends, or...
1645 01:21:43 老天啊Oh, my god.
1646 01:21:45 快过来Come here.
1647 01:21:46 额 汤姆到这来了 还有大卫和乔什也是Um, tom is here, and David, and Josh.
1648 01:21:49 还有大卫 我说了大卫了吗 ?And David. Did I say David?
1649 01:21:51 我知道 因为是我邀请他们的Yeah, I know, because I invited them.
1650 01:21:53 不用谢You're welcome.
1651 01:21:54 为什么 ? 你干嘛做这种事 ?Why? Why would you do that?
1652 01:21:56 因为我觉得肯定会很有趣Because I thought it would be funny. For me.
1653 01:21:58 而且看着他们互相争风吃醋 对你的情绪会有好处And good for you, emotionally, to have guys fighting over you.
1654 01:22:08 - 嗨 - 嗨Hey. Hey.
1655 01:22:09 - 最近如何啊 ? - 你好啊 ?What's going on? How are you?
1656 01:22:10 挺好的 我得和你谈点事Pretty good. Uh, I need to talk to you about something.
1657 01:22:14 太好了 我也有Great. Me, too.
1658 01:22:15 你先说You go first.
1659 01:22:16 我要结婚了I'm getting married.
1660 01:22:17 什么 ?What?
1661 01:22:18 这...That's, uh...
1662 01:22:21 听着 你写的那个软件完全是垃圾Look, your computer programs are total bullshit.
1663 01:22:26 你写的代码 同样是垃圾Your algorithms? Also, total bullshit, all right?
1664 01:22:29 就算没找到中意的人选Just because the music stops,
1665 01:22:30 也不代表你就必须屈膝降级啊doesn't mean you got to sit in the closest chair.
1666 01:22:32 你不该和乔治在一起You shouldn't be with George.
1667 01:22:35 你应该和我在一起You should be with me.
1668 01:22:37 是的 我想和你在一起Yes. I want to be with you.
1669 01:22:39 什么 ?What?
1670 01:22:40 在酒吧试过了这么多次失败的约会God, all those bad dates at the bar,
1671 01:22:42 但是总有一个人在那支持着我there was something that was always there.
1672 01:22:45 你You.
1673 01:22:49 确实是我It was always me.
1674 01:22:50 - 是的 天啊 - 对吧 ?Yes. Oh, my god. Right?
1675 01:22:52 我们的生活肯定会非常美好We could have the best life together.
1676 01:22:53 而且我们肯定短期内就会想结婚And, I mean, we're gonna want to get married soon
1677 01:22:55 因为我们想马上就组建家庭because we'll probably want to start a family right away.
1678 01:22:58 天啊 我们的孩子们Oh, my god. Our kids.
1679 01:22:58 我们的孩子肯定超级可爱Our kids are gonna be so cute.
1680 01:23:01 完全没错Exactly.
1681 01:23:02 所以我们才需要先刹车一下Which is why we should just kind of pump the brakes
1682 01:23:06 别操之过急了 懂吧 ?and not rush things, you know?
1683 01:23:08 先互相照顾好彼此Let's... let's take care of us right now.
1684 01:23:11 我的天 汤姆Oh, my god, tom.
1685 01:23:13 我完全是在逗你呢I'm totally messing with you.
1686 01:23:15 多谢了 我的天Thank you. Oh, my god.
1687 01:23:17 我可不想和你在一起I don't want to be with you.
1688 01:23:18 你也不想和我在一起的And you don't want to be with me, either.
1689 01:23:20 - 等下 - 宝贝 !Wait. Babe!
1690 01:23:22 - 天啊 - 我什么都看见了Oh, my god. I saw everything.
1691 01:23:24 我还以为你要晕过去了呢 老兄I thought you were gonna hyperventilate, man.
1692 01:23:26 但是我没有But I didn't!
1693 01:23:27 噢 汤姆Oh, tom.
1694 01:23:29 拜托 别伤心嘛Come on. Don't be sad.
1695 01:23:30 你知道这算什么吗 ?You know what this is?
1696 01:23:32 这是爱情的绿荫This is the first, tiny green sprout of life
1697 01:23:35 正在努力生长 从你那碎石心里破茧而出fighting its way out of the gravel parking lot of your heart.
1698 01:23:38 所以 恭喜了So, congrats.
1699 01:23:40 说得太美了That was beautiful.
1700 01:23:42 谢谢 亲爱的Thank you, hon.
1701 01:23:43 等我一下Oh, hang on, one second.
1702 01:23:45 喂 老兄 还有最后一件事Hey, quick, man, just one last thing.
1703 01:23:47 离我妹子远点 懂不 ?Stay the fuck away from my girl, okay, man?
1704 01:23:50 要么我削死你Or I will straight-up end you.
1705 01:23:52 - 好了 - 懂没 ?Okay. All right. Okay?
1706 01:23:53 离远点 听懂没 ?So, just back off. You got it?
1707 01:23:54 - 嗯 - 因为我已经送她戒指了Yeah. Because I put a ring on that
1708 01:23:56 而你却提着丁丁到处追她and you're coming at it pretty hard with your dick.
1709 01:23:58 - 好了 - 我逗你玩呢 老兄Okay. I'm fucking with you, man.
1710 01:24:01 - 好吧 - 当然Cool, okay. No, of course.
1711 01:24:02 露西很爱你 我也爱你Lucy loves you, I love you.
1712 01:24:04 我们现在是两兄弟了 好吧 ?We're brothers, now, all right?
1713 01:24:05 鉴于此 我想请你...And, as such, I would like to...
1714 01:24:09 这是个重大决定...This is a big one...
1715 01:24:11 请你当我的伴郎Ask you to be my best man.
1716 01:24:15 嗯 没问题Yeah, you got it.
1717 01:24:16 我还是在逗你呢 老兄 !I'm fucking with you, bro!
1718 01:24:17 你当然不能当我伴郎了Of course, you can't be my best man.
1719 01:24:19 我和你完全不认识You are a stranger to me.
1720 01:24:21 - 懂吧 ? - 嗯Okay? Yeah.
1721 01:24:22 最后再说一次 离我妹子远点Just to recap, stay the fuck away from my girl.
1722 01:24:24 我不希望你当我伴郎I don't want you to be my best man.
1723 01:24:26 我们还是爱你 你是我们的家人We still love you, you're family.
1724 01:24:28 婚礼绝对会邀请你You'll definitely be invited to the wedding.
1725 01:24:29 好的Okay.
1726 01:24:31 也有可能不会 所以别生气But, probably not. So, don't be offended.
1727 01:24:32 很高兴我们终于把话说清了I'm glad we had this talk, man.
1728 01:24:36 呼 !Whoo!
1729 01:24:41 呼 !Whoo!
1730 01:24:44 啊...Uh...
1731 01:24:46 你这是在躲着我 ?You trying to hide from me?
1732 01:24:48 - 你这是在躲着我 ? - 嗨Are you hiding from me? Hi. Huh? Hi.
1733 01:24:50 我刚才没在那边看见你I didn't see you, right over there.
1734 01:24:53 那个隐藏点挺不错的It's a good hiding spot.
1735 01:24:55 额 听着Uh, listen.
1736 01:24:57 我最近想了很多你的事I've been thinking about you a lot.
1737 01:24:58 大卫 抱歉 我...Look, David, I'm sorry, I...
1738 01:25:01 我不能这样下去了I can't do this.
1739 01:25:02 你当时说得很清楚了 说你不想...You made it so clear to me, that you didn't want to, so...
1740 01:25:05 这不是我来这里的原因That's not why I came here at all.
1741 01:25:07 我只是来向你道歉的I just came here to apologize to you
1742 01:25:10 我太自私了for being such an asshole.
1743 01:25:12 噢Oh.
1744 01:25:13 嗯Yeah.
1745 01:25:16 关于菲比的事 你说得很对Well, you were right about Phoebe.
1746 01:25:17 那你告诉她真相了吗 ?Oh, good. Did you talk to her?
1747 01:25:19 额 我还在努力途中Well, um, you know, I'm working on it.
1748 01:25:22 不过 你还好吗 ?But, uh, are you okay?
1749 01:25:29 我也在努力途中I'm working on it.
1750 01:25:35 生日快乐Happy birthday.
1751 01:25:51 看到没 ? 我就说肯定很好玩See? I told you this would be fun.
1752 01:25:53 不过 我还以为他们其中一人会打其他两人呢Although, I thought one of them was, like, gonna punch each other
1753 01:25:56 虽然这种好戏还没上演and that hasn't happened yet.
1754 01:25:57 罗宾 这可是我的人生 不是用来开玩笑的Robin, this isn't a joke. This is my life.
1755 01:26:00 不过我估计你不明白这句话的意思But you know what? I guess you wouldn't actually understand that,
1756 01:26:02 因为你从来没有真正在乎过一个人because you've never really cared
1757 01:26:04 所以你也不会受到伤害about anybody enough to ever get hurt.
1758 01:26:06 所以 这种闹剧对你根本没影响So, this type of thing doesn't affect you.
1759 01:26:08 好吧 抱歉我邀请了他们Okay. I'm sorry I invited them,
1760 01:26:11 但是谁在乎我的事啊 ?but who gives a shit about me?
1761 01:26:12 我在乎 因为你是我朋友 !I do, because you're my friend!
1762 01:26:14 真的吗 ? 可是就我所知Am I? Because as far as I can tell,
1763 01:26:16 你只有被甩之后才会和我一起玩you only ever want to hang out with me when you get dumped
1764 01:26:19 需要找一个人来给你打打精神and you need someone to cheer you up.
1765 01:26:20 好吧 可你也只会在Well, you only ever hang out with me
1766 01:26:22 需要我当你跟班的时候才找我玩when you need me to be your little sidekick.
1767 01:26:24 你在和别人恋爱的时候The reason why I don't hang
1768 01:26:25 我不找你玩的原因是around with you when you're in a relationship,
1769 01:26:28 你突然间is because you just turn
1770 01:26:30 就变得特别Lowinto this lame-ass shell of a human being.
1771 01:26:33 很好Nice.
1772 01:26:34 你想听真正的建议吗 ?Yeah, do you want some real advice?
1773 01:26:35 想 什么 ?Yeah, what?
1774 01:26:36 你只靠夜店蹭酒 勾搭汉子You're not gonna find the right guy
1775 01:26:38 是永远也找不到下半生的人选的by bumming free drinks and slutting it up.
1776 01:26:41 你说什么呢 ?Where is this coming from?
1777 01:26:42 这么久以来 你才是那个This whole time, you've been the one that's like,
1778 01:26:44 "噢耶 派对 丁丁 喝酒""Oh, yeah, parties and dicks and shots.
1779 01:26:47 "我们把酒全倒身上吧""Let's put shots all over our bodies.
1780 01:26:50 "这样更闪亮 婊砸 !""More sparkles, bitch!"
1781 01:26:51 我是受不你总是It's about me being sick of you just
1782 01:26:53 轻易的就被男人的"丁沙"吸进去了meeting guys and falling into their dick-sand.
1783 01:26:56 男人的啥 ?Falling into their what?
1784 01:26:57 丁沙Their dick-sand.
1785 01:26:59 就比如 每次有个男的只是瞟了你一眼It's like, every time a guy just looks at you,
1786 01:27:01 你就小鹿乱撞忘记自己的名字了 然后you just forget who you are, and,
1787 01:27:03 就像 "噢 !"like... "Oh!"
1788 01:27:06 直接就陷入到他们的世界里去了You get sucked into their world.
1789 01:27:08 至少当我决定要找男朋友的时候At least when I do decide I want a boyfriend,
1790 01:27:10 我会找一个能完全接受我的人I'm gonna find someone who likes me for who I really am,
1791 01:27:13 因为我了解自己是怎样的人because I know who the fuck that is.
1792 01:28:00 嗨Hey.
1793 01:28:01 我的天Oh, my god.
1794 01:28:03 生日快乐Happy birthday.
1795 01:28:06 今天是你生日呢It's your birthday!
1796 01:28:09 而且你的礼物好像被我喝掉了And I drank some of your gift.
1797 01:28:20 你没事吧 ?You okay?
1798 01:28:26 有事No. No.
1799 01:28:35 老天 你生气的时候真漂亮God, you look pretty when you're pissed.
1800 01:28:46 我好想念它们I missed these.
1801 01:28:51 - 我们这是干嘛呢 ? - 我们要嘿咻了What are we doing? We're about to have sex.
1802 01:28:53 什么 ?What?
1803 01:28:55 - 天啊 - 什么 ?God. What?
1804 01:28:57 上次我见到你的时候 我就感觉我们搞砸了So, ever since I saw you, I feel like we fucked up.
1805 01:29:00 我不该放开你的I shouldn't have let you go.
1806 01:29:03 鉴于我和米歇尔还是在交往Because Michelle and I are still together,
1807 01:29:06 而且我们已经订婚了and we're actually engaged
1808 01:29:08 - 我感觉我们现在搞砸了 - 啥 ?and I feel like we're fucking up. What? What?
1809 01:29:10 我们要结婚了 但是我确定想不想结We're getting married, but I don't know if I want to do it yet.
1810 01:29:14 我的天Oh, my god.
1811 01:29:15 - 等等 我只是说... - 我的天Wait! I'm just telling... Oh, my god.
1812 01:29:17 - 我的天啊 - 快过来Oh, my god. Come here, come here.
1813 01:29:19 你居然让我和其他女人的未婚夫亲热You just let me make out with somebody else's fiance.
1814 01:29:21 不是 这不算偷情 因为我们以前已经交往过了No, it's not cheating, since we've already been together.
1815 01:29:24 - 你这是干嘛呢 ? - 等下...What are you doing? Wait, just...
1816 01:29:26 你刚才还说想我了 !You told me you missed me!
1817 01:29:27 这才是重点啊 我每天都在想你I... that's the whole point, I miss you all the time.
1818 01:29:29 我刚才看见了你 你又这么漂亮I saw you and you were so beautiful, and you are so beautiful.
1819 01:29:35 而我需要了结这件事And I just need closure.
1820 01:29:37 - 我就觉得我们得... - 原来是这么回事...I think we need... Is that what this...
1821 01:29:38 - 这对于你来说算是了结 ? - 对啊This is closure for you? Yeah.
1822 01:29:40 为了老交情 最后再打一炮Just one last screw for old times' sake,
1823 01:29:42 然后你就能静下心来和其他女人结婚 ?before you go and settle down with somebody else?
1824 01:29:45 不是这样...That's not...
1825 01:29:47 我很抱歉 好吗 ?I'm sorry, all right?
1826 01:29:50 爱丽丝Uh, Alice.
1827 01:29:51 不是 这样说吧No, you know, what?
1828 01:29:52 我才是该道歉的人 这都是我的错I'm sorry. This is my fault.
1829 01:29:55 我这么久都希望你能回头I spent so much time wanting you back
1830 01:29:58 然后刚才我觉得你也希望和我和好that, when I thought that you wanted me back,
1831 01:30:00 然后我突然间就上头了it's like I lost my mind for a second.
1832 01:30:04 天呐 原来如此 这就是"丁沙"Oh, my god. This is it! This is the dick-sand.
1833 01:30:06 我现在就在陷入你的丁沙I'm falling into your dick-sand right now.
1834 01:30:07 啥 ?What?
1835 01:30:09 就和流沙一样 只不过是丁丁做的It's like quicksand, but with dicks.
1836 01:30:10 我没丁沙啊I don't have dick-sand.
1837 01:30:11 我非常希望自己能被爱I'm so obsessed with the idea of being in love,
1838 01:30:14 然后... 我就完全迷失了方向that I just, it's like... I completely lose myself.
1839 01:30:18 就像 我完全没有认识到自己真正的需要Like, I forget what I want and I just disappear.
1840 01:30:22 我就像盲目的追逐着错误方向的马一样I'm like the horse in the neverending story.
1841 01:30:24 我觉得你现在脑袋好像不太清醒I don't think it's coming out like it's inside your head.
1842 01:30:28 乔什 我希望独自一人Josh. I want to be alone.
1843 01:30:32 我知道这句话我说过很多次了I know that I've said that a lot.
1844 01:30:35 但是 我这是头一次But, for the first time in my life,
1845 01:30:36 这么真心认真的I really, really, truly mean it.
1846 01:30:40 恭喜你们订婚了Congratulations on your engagement.
1847 01:31:08 去哪 ?Where to?
1848 01:31:10 回家Home.
1849 01:31:13 我要回家了I'm going home.
1850 01:31:18 妹子 我特么又不知道你家住哪Woman! I don't know where the fuck you live.
1851 01:31:20 噢 抱歉 能去南贝里大街吗 ?Oh, I'm sorry. Um, can I go to south second and Berry?
1852 01:31:30 天啊Oh, my god!
1853 01:31:33 罗宾 天啊 !Robin? Oh, my god!
1854 01:31:36 天啊 ! 你没事吧 ?Oh, my god! Are you okay?
1855 01:31:37 带我们去医院 我就不起诉你 !Take us to the hospital, and I won't sue you!
1856 01:31:39 - 怎么回事啊 ? - 我们得赶紧走What's happening? We got to go.
1857 01:31:41 喂 !Hey!
1858 01:31:45 天啊 !Oh, god!
1859 01:31:46 我的天 要生了Oh, my god, it's happening.
1860 01:31:47 - 不不不 - 没事的 没事的No, no, no. It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
1861 01:31:49 - 天啊 ! - 没事的Oh, my god! No, it's fine!
1862 01:31:50 我来扶她I got her, I got her.
1863 01:31:51 一般来说分娩期是26小时The average labor for a new mom is 26 hours.
1864 01:31:54 不会像电视剧里那样突然蹦出来的 没事的It doesn't pop out like it does on TV. It's gonna be fine.
1865 01:31:56 好的Okay.
1866 01:31:58 天呐 ! 天呐 !Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
1867 01:31:59 天呐 这没事吧 ? 这不会有事吧 ?Oh, my god, is it fine? Is everything fine?
1868 01:32:01 快叫计程车 快叫计程车 !Get a cab. Get me a cab. Okay!
1869 01:32:02 交给我 !I've got one!
1870 01:32:05 噢 !Ooh!
1871 01:32:08 带我们去医院 我就不起诉你 !Take us to the hospital and I won't sue you!
1872 01:32:14 好的 好的Okay, okay.
1873 01:32:15 这下糟了 !Oh, this is really bad!
1874 01:32:18 我得打电话给我的病人 给他们道歉I need to call my patients and say sorry.
1875 01:32:20 不No.
1876 01:32:22 这根本不正常 !This is not natural!
1877 01:32:25 你现在扩张了10厘米You're at 10 centimeters,
1878 01:32:26 你已经进入了分娩的第二阶段and you've already entered the second phase
1879 01:32:28 也就是活跃分娩期of labor, known as active labor.
1880 01:32:29 啥 ?What?
1881 01:32:31 我上过医学院 有这么难以置信吗 ?I went to medical school. Is that so hard to believe?
1882 01:32:33 没错 !Yes!
1883 01:32:34 小孩马上就要出生了This is gonna happen, like, right now.
1884 01:32:36 别拿脚蹭我奶子Get your foot off my tit.
1885 01:32:37 别拿脚蹭我奶子Get your foot off my tit, okay?
1886 01:32:39 孩子要来了 电视剧里的情节要上演了It's coming. You are the cliche!
1887 01:32:41 你就是电视剧里演的You are the lady who's about to
1888 01:32:42 在出租车里生孩子的女士have a baby in the back of a taxi
1889 01:32:44 而我就是那个澳美混血and I'm the Australian-American
1890 01:32:45 来帮你接生孩子的 !hero who's gonna make it happen!
1891 01:32:47 - 在出租车里生 ? - 别担心 梅吉In the cab, though? Don't worry, Meg.
1892 01:32:49 我的双手和我的嘴My hands and my mouth have both
1893 01:32:50 都已经用伏特加消过毒了been recently sterilized by vodka.
1894 01:32:52 - 感觉马上要生了 - 不不不Feels like it's coming out. No, no, no, no.
1895 01:32:54 我伸进去帮你拉I'm going in. I'm going in.
1896 01:32:55 - 一起喊口号 ! - 手伸进去扶好他 !- Chant with me! - Hold it inside!
1897 01:32:56 我们会成功的We can do this. Do this.
1898 01:32:58 我们会成功的We can do this.
1899 01:33:00 我们会成功的 我们会成功的We can do this, we can do this.
1900 01:33:04 我们到了 !We're here! We're here!
1901 01:33:05 - 快下车 - 快开门- Get out. Get out. - Okay, open the door.
1902 01:33:07 - 该死 门卡住了... - 快开门- Shit, the door's... - Open the door.
1903 01:33:09 - 开不了 - 快开门 !- It won't open! - Open the door!
1904 01:33:10 - 门打不开 - 开门 !- It won't open! - The door!
1905 01:33:11 等下 窗户好像管用 我去外面...Wait! The window's working. We just got to...
1906 01:33:13 - 你干嘛呢 ? - 门被锁住了 !What are you doing? The door's locked!
1907 01:33:16 快开门啊 !Just open the door!
1908 01:33:17 要生了 !It's coming out!
1909 01:33:19 罗宾 ! 你得帮帮她 !Robin! Okay, you have to help her!
1910 01:33:21 - 你得帮帮她 ! - 她马上就来帮你You have to help her. She's gonna help you, okay?
1911 01:33:23 - 受不了了 - 快帮她- I can't. - Help her.
1912 01:33:25 加油 !Come on!
1913 01:33:26 把大腿紧紧夹住Close your legs really tight.
1914 01:33:28 别让它滑出来了 !Do not let it come out!
1915 01:33:31 罗宾 这门只是上锁了而已Robin, it was locked!
1916 01:33:33 快走吧Come on!
1917 01:33:37 噢 我的钱包Oh! My purse.
1918 01:33:38 - 别别别 先进去 - 要生了 !- No, no, no, no! Get inside. - It's coming out!
1919 01:33:40 我需要轮椅I need a... We need a wheelchair.
1920 01:33:42 - 老天啊 - 先忍住别生 !Jesus. Okay, don't let it come out!
1921 01:33:43 - 要生出来了 - 先别急着生It's gonna come out. Don't let it come out.
1922 01:33:45 - 等下 梅吉 梅吉 ! - 我得用力推Wait, Meg. Meg! Meg! I need to... I need to push.
1923 01:33:46 要出来了 要出来了It's coming out. It's coming out.
1924 01:33:48 你不来吗 ?Are you coming?
1925 01:33:49 你们已经不需要我了You don't need me anymore.
1926 01:33:54 - 好吧 - 天呐- Okay. - Oh, god. Okay.
1927 01:33:56 - 我好害怕 - 我就在你身边I'm scared. I'm right here.
1928 01:34:18 嗨Hi.
1929 01:34:20 是我叫他来的I called him.
1930 01:34:24 我知道你不希望我来这里Look, I know you don't want me here,
1931 01:34:26 但是先听我说完好吗 ?but just listen to me, okay?
1932 01:34:29 你非常喜欢我You like me. A lot.
1933 01:34:32 我也喜欢你And I like you.
1934 01:34:34 你是个疯子 这是事实And you're crazy. That's a fact.
1935 01:34:36 说实话 我觉得Honestly, I think you're
1936 01:34:38 你怀孕前后都一样疯probably just as crazy when you're not pregnant.
1937 01:34:40 我有权说这种话 因为我爱你But I'm allowed to say that, because I love you.
1938 01:34:46 我爱你I love you.
1939 01:34:51 我待会再来I'm gonna come back later.
1940 01:34:55 谢谢你打电话给我Thanks. Thanks for calling.
1941 01:34:57 别犯傻Don't be weird.
1942 01:34:58 谢谢你...Oh, thank you, thank...
1943 01:35:00 那你要不要来见见她 ?Well, are you gonna come meet her or not?
1944 01:35:03 - 她 ? - 嗯哼Her? Mmm-hmm.
1945 01:35:06 是个女儿 ?It's a "Her"?
1946 01:35:10 她是宝宝玛德琳This is baby Madeline.
1947 01:35:12 天呐 瞧瞧你Oh, my god, look at you.
1948 01:35:15 生日快乐 宝贝Happy birthday, sweetheart.
1949 01:35:19 她真漂亮She's beautiful.
1950 01:35:22 而我觉得我也爱你And I think I love you, too.
1951 01:35:25 我的意思是 我确实爱你 我也不知道我为什么会说这种话I mean, I do love you, I don't know why I just said that.
1952 01:35:29 我真的很爱你I really love you.
1953 01:35:30 我真的真的很爱你I really, really love you.
1954 01:35:33 我的意思是...I mean, I don't...
1955 01:35:34 我完全可以自己抚养她的I can totally handle all of this by myself.
1956 01:35:37 我可是个女强人I'm an independent woman.
1957 01:35:38 天呐 真的 ?My god, seriously?
1958 01:35:40 但我不希望那样But I don't want to.
1959 01:35:42 我真的不希望I don't.
1960 01:35:49 - 嗨 - 嗯Hi. Mmm.
1961 01:35:52 她看起来难道不像外星人吗 ?Doesn't she look like an alien?
1962 01:35:55 你是全世界最漂亮的外星人You are the most beautiful alien in the world.
1963 01:37:59 嗨Hi.
1964 01:38:01 你想干嘛 ?What do you want?
1965 01:38:03 我想告诉你I wanted to tell you that I
1966 01:38:04 我知道我自己能独立做很多事know that I can do a lot of things on my own.
1967 01:38:06 我可以自己就拉下裙子的拉链And I can unzip my own dress,
1968 01:38:07 但我希望你替我拉but I want you to do it for me.
1969 01:38:10 说出来好奇怪 额...That sounded really weird. Um...
1970 01:38:13 我想要你看着我脱裙子I want you to watch me unzip my dress.
1971 01:38:15 不对 抱歉 感觉太同性恋了No, sorry. That sounded really sexual.
1972 01:38:17 我不是这个意思That's not what I meant.
1973 01:38:18 我的意思是 我希望自己能独立脱裙子What I meant is I want to unzip my own dress
1974 01:38:21 而我希望你能在我身边and I just want you to be around,
1975 01:38:23 因为你是我最好的闺蜜because you're my best friend.
1976 01:38:27 而且我爱你And I love you.
1977 01:38:29 我也完全爱上了你And I'm totally in love with you, too.
1978 01:38:32 我们的关系不仅仅是友情This is more than just a friendship.
1979 01:38:35 真高兴我们双方的想法都是一样的I'm so glad you feel the same way.
1980 01:38:38 开玩笑的 !Just joking!
1981 01:38:40 天啊Oh, my god.
1982 01:38:41 骗过你了 不过我确实爱你I got you. Oh, but I do love you.
1983 01:38:45 - 我想你了 - 噢And I missed you. Oh.
1984 01:38:46 我这几天正在经历"戒爱丽丝期" 真的I've been having Alice withdrawal, seriously.
1985 01:38:53 等下 你开玩笑吗 ? 这就是你住的地方 ?Wait, are you kidding me? Is this where you live?
1986 01:38:56 罗宾 ! 这就是你说的那46平方米Robin! This is your 500 square feet,
1987 01:38:59 只是用来存放衣物 以及偶尔洗洗澡的地方 ?where you keep your clothes and occasionally bathe?
1988 01:39:02 额 嗯Uh, yeah.
1989 01:39:03 我超级有钱 我没给你说过吗 ?I'm super rich. Did I not mention that?
1990 01:39:05 等下 为啥我们一直以来都是在我家玩 ?Wait. Why do we always hang out at my place?
1991 01:39:07 为啥你还用得着上班 ?Why did you even work at the firm?
1992 01:39:10 等下 为啥老是要我买单 ?Wait, why do I pay for everything all the time?
1993 01:39:14 哇Wow.
1994 01:39:15 虽然我并不需要去上班Well, I didn't really need to work at the firm.
1995 01:39:18 我只是很喜欢和你出去玩I just really liked hanging out with you.
1996 01:39:21 还有和那两个保安嘿咻And screwing those two security guys.
1997 01:39:23 这里怎么摆了辆小摩托车 ?Why do have a scooter?
1998 01:39:25 这是我的室内摩托车This is my indoor scooter.
1999 01:39:27 整层楼都是我的I have the whole floor.
2000 01:39:28 每次出去玩都是我买的单I have literally paid the bill, every time we've gone out.
2001 01:39:30 不花钱才能当有钱人啊But that's how you stay super rich.
2002 01:39:33 老天God!
2003 01:39:34 你还是有很多要向我学习的东西You have so much to learn from me, still.
2004 01:39:36 我要你当我干爹I want you to be my sugar-daddy.
2005 01:39:37 我当你干姐姐吧I'll be your sugar-sister.
2006 01:39:40 你不是说你不吃早餐吗 ?I thought you didn't do breakfast?
2007 01:39:42 别破坏气氛You're ruining it.
2008 01:39:46 我一直在思考 当我们单身的时候I've been thinking that the time we have to be single,
2009 01:39:50 我们得学会享受孤独is really the time we have to get good at being alone.
2010 01:39:55 但是 我们得有多享受孤独才行 ?But, how good at being alone do we really want to be?
2011 01:39:59 难道我们不会因为Isn't there a danger
2012 01:40:00 太过享受单身了that you'll get so good at being single,
2013 01:40:03 自己一个人太快活了so set in your ways
2014 01:40:04 结果却错失了找到另一半真爱的机会 ?that you'll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?
2015 01:40:06 你好啊 你好啊Hello, hello, hello, hello.
2016 01:40:13 有些人得花很久慢慢学习才能安顿下来Some people take baby steps to settle down.
2017 01:40:23 有些人则完全拒绝安顿Some people refuse to settle at all.
2018 01:40:31 有时候 这并不是统计学Sometimes, it's not statistics.
2019 01:40:35 而是两人的化学反应It's just chemistry.
2020 01:40:39 而有些时候 虽然关系结束了And sometimes, just because it is over,
2021 01:40:41 但并不意味着爱也消散了doesn't mean the love ends.
2022 01:40:46 额 我想和你谈谈你妈妈的事Um, I want to talk to you about your mom.
2023 01:40:51 她在你很小的时候生了一场大病She got sick when you were really little
2024 01:40:53 而我之所以不提起她的原因 是因为我还是很想念她and I don't talk about her because I still miss her.
2025 01:40:59 每时每刻Every day.
2026 01:41:02 但是 我们需要谈谈她But, we need to talk about her.
2027 01:41:06 这是谁 ?Who's that?
2028 01:41:08 我Me.
2029 01:41:09 这个呢 ?Who's that?
2030 01:41:11 妈咪Mommy.
2031 01:41:12 没错Yeah.
2032 01:41:13 这盒子里有很多美好的回忆A lot of good memories in here.
2033 01:41:20 我想给你看样东西I want to show you something.
2034 01:41:40 眼睛歌The eyes of you song.
2035 01:41:44 眼睛歌The eyes of you song.
2036 01:42:15 我知道你为什么从不唱歌了Now I know why you never sing.
2037 01:42:17 为什么 ?Why?
2038 01:42:18 因为你的声音难听死了Because your voice is so bad.
2039 01:42:22 你说什么呢 ? 我的声音这么好听What are you talking about? That was excellent.
2040 01:42:25 单身的重点是 你最好珍惜这段时光The thing about being single is, you should Cherish it.
2041 01:42:30 因为 一周后Because, in a week,
2042 01:42:32 或者在孤独了一生后or a lifetime, of being alone,
2043 01:42:35 你或许只会得到一个时刻you may only get one moment.
2044 01:42:42 那一个 你没有和任何人One moment, when you're not tied up
2045 01:42:44 有任何感情交集的时刻in a relationship with anyone.
2046 01:42:47 比如你的家长 你的宠物 你的双胞胎 你的朋友A parent, a pet, a sibling, a friend.
2047 01:43:01 那个你独身自立的瞬间One moment, when you stand on your own.
2048 01:43:08 这才是真正的单身Really, truly single.
2049 01:43:19 然后And then,
2050 01:43:24 转瞬即逝it's gone.