母女大战 (Snatched)(CN/EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:13 What does this say?
2 00:01:14 Does it say, "I grabbed itoutta my suitcase
3 00:01:16 "and went to the beach"
4 00:01:18 or "Girl who overplansfor vacation outfits"?
5 00:01:20 There's just a pictureof a bird on it.
6 00:01:21 It doesn't say anything.
7 00:01:23 No, I mean, like,its vibe, you know?
8 00:01:26 Like, what's its vibe?Oh.
9 00:01:28 It's perfect for Ecuador.
10 00:01:29 Yeah. And, like,why Ecuador?
11 00:01:32 Because we didn't want togo somewhere touristy.
12 00:01:35 We're not just, like,a couple of white assholes.
13 00:01:37 No offense.
14 00:01:39 I really need it.
15 00:01:40 I just want to, like,sip a Mai Tai
16 00:01:43 and smoke a J, andthen just kinda, like
17 00:01:46 start having red wine at night.
18 00:01:48 And then Scotch.
19 00:01:50 And if somebody's like,
20 00:01:51 "Have you ever doneayahuasca?"
21 00:01:52 I'll be like,"No, is it safe?"
22 00:01:55 And then I'll try it.I don't care.
23 00:01:57 And are things ideal,financially, right now?
24 00:02:00 No. The answer is no.
25 00:02:02 But will things pick up?
26 00:02:05 One thousand percent.
27 00:02:06 Did I tell you Michael's bandis blowing up right now?
28 00:02:09 Yeah.
29 00:02:10 So, yeah, basically
30 00:02:11 you know, money won't bean "ish" much longer.
31 00:02:14 This is a good colorfor me, right?
32 00:02:16 So, did you guys have thisin my size?
33 00:02:19 Yeah, no.
34 00:02:21 Sorry.
35 00:02:22 Okay.Thanks, anyway.
36 00:02:24 Have fun on your trip.
37 00:02:25 Nice meeting you.
38 00:02:26 I hope you find your keys.
39 00:02:27 Oh, my keys. Fuck!
40 00:02:29 This would be cute on me if...
41 00:02:34 Are you serious?
42 00:02:36 What's up?
43 00:02:37 You are supposed to be sellingclothes to the customers.
44 00:02:39 Not to yourself.
45 00:02:40 And what are you even doingon the floor?
46 00:02:42 I'm re-rackingclothes
47 00:02:45 You know what? You're fired!What?
48 00:02:46 I'm done.No, no, no.
49 00:02:48 I need this job. Canyou just think about this?
50 00:02:50 Look at the other employees.
51 00:02:52 Like, what about this bitch?I've never seen her do shit.
52 00:02:55 You don't do shit here!
53 00:02:56 She doesn't work here.
54 00:02:57 Oh, okay.
55 00:02:58 Hi. Thank you so muchfor coming in.
56 00:03:01 Look, can we justtalk about this
57 00:03:02 when I get back frommy vacation to Ecuador?
58 00:03:04 Vacation?
59 00:03:05 You never even askedfor time off.
60 00:03:08 And I'm realizing thatright now, okay?
61 00:03:10 And it's because I forgot.
62 00:03:11 Get out!
63 00:03:13 God! You know what?I don't need this job.
64 00:03:15 I'm gonna go havea sick time in Ecuador.
65 00:03:17 You have fun here,
66 00:03:18 with all your shirtsand your hours.
67 00:03:22 Because I don't need it.
68 00:03:23 I'm about to kick your ass.
69 00:03:25 Takin' this.
70 00:03:26 Put the damn hat down!
71 00:03:28 I looked her rightin the eye, and I went
72 00:03:29 "I wouldn't work hereif you paid me."
73 00:03:32 And I just stormed out.Just like, for real.
74 00:03:35 Like, "Bye."Another one will come.
75 00:03:37 Right?Yeah.
76 00:03:38 You know what? I'm not gonnatalk about that anymore.
77 00:03:40 I wanna focus on you and me
78 00:03:41 on the beach.Are you with me?
79 00:03:44 I can't go to South America.
80 00:03:46 What are you talking about?
81 00:03:48 I can't go to Ecuador.
82 00:03:50 You know it's anon-refundable trip, right?
83 00:03:52 I don't want to make itabout money
84 00:03:54 because money comes and goes,
85 00:03:55 but I don't have any morecoming right now, so
86 00:03:58 I'm breaking up with you.
87 00:04:02 When'?
88 00:04:04 Like, right now. This is it.You're in the middle of it.
89 00:04:09 Is it because you're afraid
90 00:04:10 because things are goingso great between us?
91 00:04:12 That's what this is!No.
92 00:04:14 You're terrified, becauseyou've never felt this way
93 00:04:15 about somebody before.
94 00:04:17 I know what's happening.
95 00:04:18 I'll tell you what it is.Okay.
96 00:04:19 The band is really blowingup right now, you know?
97 00:04:22 I know.
98 00:04:23 And I'm going like this.I'm taking off, all right?
99 00:04:26 Okay.And this is you.
100 00:04:29 Just on the ground.
101 00:04:31 I'm up here, too.No, you're not up there.
102 00:04:33 Why can't I go up there?No, stop.
103 00:04:35 I'm going this way.I'm with you.
104 00:04:37 Well, I'm going that way now.
105 00:04:39 Now, I'm over there.
106 00:04:40 I'm going.You can't reach.
107 00:04:41 My hand's over there.
108 00:04:43 Look.This is the thing.
109 00:04:44 Where I'm going, there'sgonna be a ton of...
110 00:04:48 Inspiration.Pussy.
111 00:04:50 Inspiration?No, pussy.
112 00:04:51 I keep talking over you,
113 00:04:52 but it's sounding likeyou're saying...
114 00:04:54 Pussy.
115 00:04:55 I heard it that time.
116 00:04:56 You heard it?
117 00:04:57 You always saymusic inspires you.
118 00:05:00 Pussy inspires me.
119 00:05:01 I have a pussy.
120 00:05:02 You have one pussy.
121 00:05:04 But there's gonna be, like,hundreds of other pussies.
122 00:05:07 What about just my pussy,hundreds of times?
123 00:05:10 That's not as inspiring.
124 00:05:12 You don't want to lose us.You don't want to lose this.
125 00:05:14 No. Just no.
126 00:05:17 All right, this is the thing.
127 00:05:19 You don't haveany direction in life.
128 00:05:21 What does that mean?
129 00:05:22 It means you're notgoing anywhere.
130 00:05:24 You're not doing anything.
131 00:05:26 You know what? I amso sorry, honestly
132 00:05:30 I'm sorry, but I wantto see other people.
133 00:05:33 Excuse me?
134 00:05:34 You're great
135 00:05:36 but I have a lotgoing on right now.
136 00:05:38 Yeah, I'm heartbroken.
137 00:05:40 You're gonna meetsomeone so special.
138 00:05:42 Okay, I'm gonna go.Bye.
139 00:05:44 I want you to leave!
140 00:05:47 You get out of here.
141 00:05:54 Okay, one more for you.
142 00:05:58 Yeah, not for you, Andrew.You blew it.
143 00:06:01 Hey, it's Emily.Leave a message.
144 00:06:03 Ah, Em! Listen, honey,
145 00:06:05 I want you to be really careful
146 00:06:06 because there was some kindof heist in Delaware.
147 00:06:09 Yeah, and I know you're inNew York and everything
148 00:06:11 but you can never betoo safe, honey.
149 00:06:52 Okay. All right.
150 00:06:56 Okay, guys.
151 00:06:58 Let's go to bed.
152 00:07:41 What?
153 00:07:44 What? No!
154 00:08:26 Thank you. There you go.
155 00:08:39 Oh!
156 00:08:42 Poor thing!You look awful.
157 00:08:44 Thank you.
158 00:08:46 Who the helldoes he think he is?
159 00:08:48 How do you know I didn'tbreak up with him?
160 00:08:49 Did you?
161 00:08:51 No.
162 00:08:52 Of course not.
163 00:08:53 All right, this is a long hug.
164 00:08:54 I know.One more minute.
165 00:08:56 I haven't seen you in,like, forever.
166 00:08:57 Can we just move this hug along?
167 00:09:01 Hello, Philip.
168 00:09:04 Okay, honey.
169 00:09:05 So you can stay herefor as long as you want.
170 00:09:08 Carte blanche, okay?
171 00:09:09 I definitely haveto go back tonight.
172 00:09:11 Oh, tonight, right?
173 00:09:13 Tonight, I'm going back.
174 00:09:14 All right.Well, do what you want.
175 00:09:16 Thank you.We're in the kitchen.
176 00:09:18 Oh, Jeffrey's home?What a shock.
177 00:09:21 Okay, don't start!
178 00:09:22 What?
179 00:09:23 Agoraphobia is not a joke.
180 00:09:25 Mama, Mama, Mama... Oh.
181 00:09:27 Hey, Em.
182 00:09:29 I thought you were Mom,
183 00:09:30 'cause you guys have, like,the exact same voice.
184 00:09:32 Okay.No, we don't.
185 00:09:33 You have the exact samehaircut, too.
186 00:09:35 You know who you havethe haircut of?
187 00:09:36 Who's that?Harry Potter.
188 00:09:38 Harry Potter is the greatestof all the wizards.
189 00:09:41 He's a heroand a great role model.
190 00:09:42 So, I'll take itas a compliment.
191 00:09:45 Mom, can I havea chocolate milk?
192 00:09:48 Oh, God, Mama! Mama!
193 00:09:51 Yeah?Very cold!
194 00:09:53 I didn't heat it up.
195 00:09:54 It's bread temperature.
196 00:09:55 Maybe three to four minutesand get it nice and toasty?
197 00:09:57 We could toasty-toasty!
198 00:09:59 Don't ask Mom to toastyour bread for you!
199 00:10:01 What? ls something wrongwith your legs?
200 00:10:03 They're in a seated position.She's already up.
201 00:10:05 I'll put the butter on myself.Thank you, Mama.
202 00:10:07 Wow, you're gonnabutter it yourself?
203 00:10:09 Yeah, I'm gonnabutter it myself.
204 00:10:10 Does Mom feed you like ababy bird when I'm not here?
205 00:10:12 I eat plenty. Don't worryabout my diet. Don't!
206 00:10:15 Mama! She's showing meher food in her mouth.
207 00:10:17 No, I'm not, Mom. I'mchewing like a person.
208 00:10:19 Then she opened her mouthand showed it to me.
209 00:10:21 He's lying again.
210 00:10:22 Hey, guys!
211 00:10:23 This is supposed to be fun.
212 00:10:25 I know what's going onwith you, man.
213 00:10:27 Ah, please.
214 00:10:28 You got shot through the heart.Okay, Michael's gone.
215 00:10:30 Ew.And it sucks.
216 00:10:31 Because you know what? He wasthe best you'll ever do.
217 00:10:33 Mom, can I eat upstairs?No!
218 00:10:35 I would like to eat righthere with you, Mom. Mama.
219 00:10:37 You're so gay for Mom.
220 00:10:38 I'm not gay for Mom.
221 00:10:40 You're gay for Mom!
222 00:10:41 She's a woman.She has a vagina.
223 00:10:42 You suck Mom's dick.
224 00:10:45 Guys! Cool it!
225 00:10:48 If you keep this up,I'm not cooking anymore
226 00:10:50 and I'm not feeding you.
227 00:10:52 Stop it.
228 00:10:53 Truce.Truce.
229 00:10:56 Arthur!Here, kitty, kitty.
230 00:10:58 Honey, have you seen Arthur?Did he get out?
231 00:11:01 He's right there.
232 00:11:03 Oh, good.Hi, okay.
233 00:11:05 Does he ever move?
234 00:11:06 Sweetie, want to watch a movie?
235 00:11:08 I don't care, Mom.
236 00:11:09 Oh, honey,I know you feel so sad.
237 00:11:11 But everything is goingto get better, honey.
238 00:11:15 I'll tell you, when Dad left
239 00:11:17 I thought I wouldnever have sex again.
240 00:11:21 And I was right.
241 00:11:22 What?
242 00:11:24 But I tell you,I am really, really relieved
243 00:11:26 that you are not goingon that trip.
244 00:11:29 Who said I'm not goingon that trip?
245 00:11:31 I'm definitely goingon that trip.
246 00:11:32 I'm just trying to pickwhich friend
247 00:11:34 to bring with me right now
248 00:11:35 because, like,everybody wants to go.
249 00:11:37 Okay.
250 00:11:38 I can't deal with youevaluating my life right now.
251 00:11:39 Can we just take the night off?
252 00:11:41 I'm not in a place.
253 00:11:42 I get it.
254 00:11:44 Enough.Don't do that.
255 00:11:50 Okay, Shadee, how aboutinstead of rent this month,
256 00:11:53 hear me out
257 00:11:54 you cash in on a free tripto Ecuador?
258 00:12:00 Come on!
259 00:12:02 Aren't you, like, from there?
260 00:12:06 Uh, no, you're the onewho sounds racist, actually.
261 00:12:09 Wow, you jumped to theC-word pretty fast!
262 00:12:13 How rude is that?Oh, shit.
263 00:12:14 Mom!
264 00:12:16 Can I borrow a shirt?
265 00:12:18 Sure, honey.Go into the hall closet.
266 00:12:42 ♪ Down on Cyprus Avenue
267 00:12:47 ♪ With a childlike visionLeaping into view
268 00:12:55 ♪ Clicking, clackingOf the high heeled shoe
269 00:13:02 ♪ Ford & Fitzroy,Madame George ♪
270 00:13:07 Pack your bags.
271 00:13:10 You're going with me to Ecuador.
272 00:13:12 Absolutely not. Not with my knees.Not going.
273 00:13:14 Yes, you are.No!
274 00:13:15 Mom! Look whatI just found.
275 00:13:18 Look at how fun you were.
276 00:13:21 Look at that! I can'teven believe that's you.
277 00:13:24 Mmm-hmm.
278 00:13:26 Look at this.
279 00:13:27 Oh!
280 00:13:28 That was a long time ago, honey.
281 00:13:31 Ma
282 00:13:32 This would be so great for you.
283 00:13:35 Oh, everybody knows you needtwo years to plan a vacation.
284 00:13:38 No! What are you talking about?
285 00:13:40 You don't doanything fun anymore.
286 00:13:42 Idol
287 00:13:43 I go to the Y twice a week,and I take sculpting class.
288 00:13:46 I mean, look! Voila!
289 00:13:48 Mom! I told you I wouldnot acknowledge that.
290 00:13:51 That is not right. Okay?
291 00:13:53 It's your home. You putit where you want it,
292 00:13:55 but it's an upsetting image.Okay.
293 00:13:57 Mom, look, I didn'twant to do this
294 00:13:59 but here it goes.
295 00:14:03 What?
296 00:14:04 My trip...
297 00:14:05 Yeah?
298 00:14:07 Is non-refundable.
299 00:14:10 Oh, my God!
300 00:14:12 Yeah.
301 00:14:13 You always book refundable,Emily! Everybody knows that!
302 00:14:16 I know, but...
303 00:14:17 Look, it's done,
304 00:14:18 and no one else will go with me.
305 00:14:20 No one.
306 00:14:22 But I booked a journey.
307 00:14:25 And I refuse
308 00:14:27 I refuse to letMichael's decision
309 00:14:30 dictate whether or not I,as a woman
310 00:14:32 go on this trip.
311 00:14:33 I will embrace this challenge
312 00:14:36 in the intrepid spirit
313 00:14:38 of all the independent women
314 00:14:41 who have come before me.
315 00:14:42 All the single ladies!
316 00:14:44 'Cause it's upon theirshoulders that I'm standing.
317 00:14:47 No, I won't back down!
318 00:14:51 No!
319 00:14:52 So I stand before youright now, Linda
320 00:14:55 and I ask you
321 00:14:57 will you
322 00:14:58 Linda, my mother, Middleton
323 00:15:01 join me
324 00:15:04 on this pilgrimage?
325 00:15:12 No.
326 00:15:14 Non-refundable!
327 00:15:16 Mom!I can't.
328 00:15:18 Help me put the "fun"
329 00:15:21 in non-refundable.
330 00:15:44 I actually kinda caughta piece of you, Mom.
331 00:15:46 Could you lean out a little bit?
332 00:15:49 That's cute.
333 00:15:52 Here, put this on.
334 00:15:53 What is this? What?
335 00:15:55 That is a rape whistle.
336 00:15:58 That's a rape whistle.
337 00:16:00 What?
338 00:16:01 This is a dog whistle, Mom.
339 00:16:04 Oh, well...
340 00:16:05 Are you afraid these dogsare gonna rape me?
341 00:16:06 Is that the main concern?
342 00:16:08 Can I just see that?
343 00:16:09 I didn't look at the dogs.
344 00:16:10 Do they look likerapists to you?
345 00:16:12 Whatever!
346 00:16:13 Why don't you justsay, "Thank you, Mom"?
347 00:16:15 Thank you.
348 00:16:16 "I'm being raped by a dog."
349 00:16:20 Oh, my God!
350 00:16:25 It works.
351 00:16:27 Wow! Mmm-hmm.Huh?
352 00:16:33 Welcome.
353 00:16:34 Oh, thank you. Um
354 00:16:36 That's check-in, right?Welcome.
355 00:16:39 No, no! Thank you so much.No. Thank you.
356 00:16:45 This is me.Thank you.
357 00:16:49 Oh, thank you very much.
358 00:16:52 What's this?Welcome!
359 00:16:56 Ma'am!
360 00:16:57 "Whale" what?
361 00:16:59 "Welcome."Oh!
362 00:17:01 "Welcome."I'm sorry. Honey!
363 00:17:03 They're not serving upwhale semen.
364 00:17:04 I'm so sorry.I've got it, thank you.
365 00:17:06 I know, but that was not good.
366 00:17:08 Okay. And I have youdown for a king.
367 00:17:10 Oh. Nope,that's not right.
368 00:17:12 I was supposed to be a king
369 00:17:13 but one thing led toanother, and I changed it.
370 00:17:16 So, it's two queens now.
371 00:17:18 Are you sure you changed it?
372 00:17:19 Yeah, I called ahead.
373 00:17:21 I do see that note here.
374 00:17:23 Okay, well, can you lookat that note
375 00:17:25 and make that note happen?
376 00:17:28 I'm sorry, I cannot.
377 00:17:30 So I'm just gonna share
378 00:17:32 a king-size bedin a romantic locale
379 00:17:34 with my mother?
380 00:17:35 You can sleephead-to-toe.
381 00:17:38 Like we're 69-ing.
382 00:17:41 Great.
383 00:17:43 I know what that means,you know. "69-ing."
384 00:17:45 Really, Mom?What does it mean?
385 00:17:46 Don't test me.
386 00:17:58 Hey.Hi.
387 00:17:59 You ate lunch without me.
388 00:18:01 Oh, yeah. Sorry.
389 00:18:04 And you got a drink.
390 00:18:05 At 2:00 p.m.
391 00:18:07 Mmm-hmm. Sure do.
392 00:18:09 Hey, honey, you're gonnabreak your toes in these.
393 00:18:12 No, I'm not.
394 00:18:13 These flip-flops are badfor your feet.
395 00:18:14 Okay, all right.I know.
396 00:18:15 I'm a grown woman, so I'm fine.
397 00:18:17 But thank you.
398 00:18:19 Why are you dressed like Powder?
399 00:18:21 You look like a beekeeper.
400 00:18:22 Just get some sun,is what I'm saying.
401 00:18:24 The sun is very dangerous.
402 00:18:31 Mom!
403 00:18:32 Okay, please.I just want to fix this.
404 00:18:34 You put so much on.
405 00:18:35 I don't want you to getmelanoma in front of my eyes.
406 00:18:37 Please.Here. Here.
407 00:18:40 Mom!
408 00:18:49 So
409 00:18:51 I'm just gonna read my magazine.
410 00:18:59 Oh, that's nice.
411 00:19:02 I didn't know they had a daycare program at the hotel.
412 00:19:07 So, I don't get it.
413 00:19:08 It's gross.It is gross.
414 00:19:12 Oh, God!
415 00:19:14 Have you talkedto your dad lately?
416 00:19:17 Mmm-mmm. I think he's stillin Florida with Susan.
417 00:19:25 Let's go out tonight.
418 00:19:26 What? No, I can't.
419 00:19:27 Yeah, you and me.We're going out.
420 00:19:30 No, no, no.Why?
421 00:19:32 Hair, make-up, boobs.We're going out.
422 00:19:34 Come on.Don't do this.
423 00:19:36 Emily, I am not going strollingin Ecuador at night.
424 00:19:40 You're sucha scaredy-cat.
425 00:19:41 This is what I'm talking about.
426 00:19:43 You're gonna missthis whole trip.
427 00:19:44 Everything shouldn't beso scary.
428 00:19:46 Oh, it damn well should.
429 00:19:49 Okay, thank you.
430 00:19:50 Name's Ruth. Traveling withmy best friend, Barb.
431 00:19:53 We usually go to the ArizonaGem Show every year.
432 00:19:56 But this year, Barb gota deal on this resort.
433 00:19:59 Well, enjoy it.
434 00:20:01 Ecuador's a pretty place.
435 00:20:02 No arguing that.
436 00:20:04 But you can'tlet your guard down.
437 00:20:06 That is right.That is exactly right.
438 00:20:08 A lot of terrible things
439 00:20:09 happen outsidethese little gates.
440 00:20:11 Exactly. See?The world's a scary place.
441 00:20:13 One in four tourists inSouth America are kidnapped.
442 00:20:17 What? Incredible!
443 00:20:18 Not true.
444 00:20:20 Totally true.
445 00:20:21 One, two, three,somebody's missing.
446 00:20:24 It's false.
447 00:20:25 Oh, my God.
448 00:20:26 Anyway, Barb retiredlast year. Oh, look!
449 00:20:29 That's her over there.Finally getting some peace.
450 00:20:32 You know,she was in special ops.
451 00:20:33 And she's seen some shit.
452 00:20:35 Hi, Barb!
453 00:20:37 Special ops! Wow, that'svery interesting.
454 00:20:42 Oh, don't botherwaiting for a response.
455 00:20:45 Barb cut her own tongue outwhen she left the service.
456 00:20:48 Precautionary measures
457 00:20:49 to prevent frombeing interrogated
458 00:20:51 for top secret information.
459 00:20:53 Couldn't they just torture her
460 00:20:55 into writing downthe information?
461 00:21:02 Well, anyway, I best get going.
462 00:21:05 Here's my number, in case youguys want to grab dinner
463 00:21:08 or lunch, or breakfast,or a snack.
464 00:21:09 Okay.
465 00:21:11 Or just kinda sit, you know?
466 00:21:13 Just sittin'.
467 00:21:14 Thank you, Ruth.Thank you so much.
468 00:21:16 See you at dinner.
469 00:21:20 - WOW.- Well
470 00:21:22 I'm going to be having alovely evening here tonight
471 00:21:26 reading my novellas.
472 00:21:28 Well, I'm going to get readyand have a drink.
473 00:21:30 What a shock.
474 00:21:56 Hey, do you mind if I join you?
475 00:21:59 Hey, that dude...
476 00:22:01 Oh, no. Uh, sorry.
477 00:22:02 You.
478 00:22:04 Mind if I join you?
479 00:22:06 Oh, yeah.Yeah, come over.
480 00:22:09 Please.
481 00:22:11 Uh, not you. It was me.Excuse me?
482 00:22:13 Could you kind of beat it?'Cause you're a distraction.
483 00:22:15 Hey, how are you?I'm James.
484 00:22:17 Emily.Hi, Emily.
485 00:22:19 Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you.
486 00:22:20 What happened to your arm?
487 00:22:22 Did you try to kill yourself'cause you're so ugly?
488 00:22:25 No, I, um
489 00:22:27 I've just spent the pastfew weeks in Koh Phangan.
490 00:22:29 Mmm.
491 00:22:30 And my last day there I keptthinking about that quote
492 00:22:32 "Man cannot discover new oceans
493 00:22:34 "unless he has the courageto lose sight of the shore."
494 00:22:38 Wow, I love that you don't
495 00:22:41 care about soundinglike a weirdo.
496 00:22:43 Well, you know,
497 00:22:45 I wanted a tattooto symbolize that
498 00:22:47 but I'm pretty sureI must have been wasted
499 00:22:50 because I don't knowwhat Borat has to do
500 00:22:52 with any of that.
501 00:22:53 That is brutal.
502 00:22:54 Yeah, it is.
503 00:22:55 But, actually, I can beat that.
504 00:22:57 Look at this.Okay.
505 00:22:58 I got this.I was 18, okay?
506 00:23:01 Look at that.It's raised.
507 00:23:02 Touch it, it's raised.That is horrible.
508 00:23:04 I got it at the worst place.
509 00:23:06 And my skirt's over my head.
510 00:23:07 Is that finished?
511 00:23:08 I mean, people havecertainly finished on it.
512 00:23:12 I'm sorry.
513 00:23:14 I don't knowwhy I just said that.
514 00:23:15 I'm trying to, like,be funny for you.
515 00:23:16 So, here you are.How come you're here?
516 00:23:18 I'm a model.I'm here, modeling.
517 00:23:20 So you're not herewith your boyfriend?
518 00:23:23 Is he a model, too?
519 00:23:24 Uh, no, I'm just here with, um
520 00:23:27 my
521 00:23:29 My mom.
522 00:23:31 Hey, that's so crazyyou're here with your mom
523 00:23:33 because I'm here with my mom.
524 00:23:35 Really?
525 00:23:36 No, absolutely not.
526 00:23:38 That would be so sad,because I'm an adult.
527 00:23:41 It's pronounced "adult."
528 00:23:44 You've been to Egypt?What were you saying?
529 00:23:46 No, yeah, I went to Egypt.
530 00:23:47 I know it's kind ofdangerous right now.
531 00:23:49 But, I've hiked upmountains in Iran.
532 00:23:52 I've run with the bullsin Spain.
533 00:23:54 I've eaten poisonousblowfish in Japan.
534 00:23:57 To me, those are the momentsthat make life worth living.
535 00:23:59 I love everything you're saying.
536 00:24:03 Your Instagram must be insane.
537 00:24:05 Oh, well, no. I'm not reallyon any of those things.
538 00:24:08 How can anybody see what you do?
539 00:24:10 Well, they don't.But I get to live it.
540 00:24:15 Do you wanna dosomething tonight?
541 00:24:19 Like, something crazy,
542 00:24:20 or can we do something amazing?
543 00:24:22 Yeah!
544 00:24:23 I'm sure we can rustle upsome adventure tonight.
545 00:24:27 Yes!Yeah.
546 00:24:31 Everything okayover here, Emily?
547 00:24:33 I met them at the pool.Oh, you guys.
548 00:24:35 Remember, never have moredrinks than you have tits.
549 00:24:38 Two tits, two drinks.
550 00:24:39 I know how many tits I have.
551 00:24:40 Please, go away.
552 00:24:42 Did you just give medanger eyes?
553 00:24:43 I don't even know what"danger eyes" is.
554 00:24:45 I gave you get-the-fuck-outtahere eyes. Go away.
555 00:24:48 It was like this.
556 00:24:49 That's kind of a thing.I didn't make that face.
557 00:24:51 I think you...
558 00:24:52 That's danger eyes.
559 00:24:53 Go.
560 00:24:54 Go away.
561 00:25:00 Ride or die.
562 00:25:04 Barb, you're wilin' outright now.
563 00:25:07 Thank you, Barb. Okay.
564 00:25:59 HEY-
565 00:26:01 HEY-
566 00:26:02 That was notwhat it looked like.
567 00:26:04 I was just washing my vaginain case we hooked up.
568 00:26:08 That is what it looked like.
569 00:26:10 Oh, okay.Yeah.
570 00:26:11 'Cause when I drink sometimesit smells like soup.
571 00:26:14 Hey, do you know what?Shall we?
572 00:26:16 Yeah?
573 00:26:18 Hey, what kind of soup?
574 00:26:20 Um, that is noneof your business.
575 00:26:22 ♪ Let it all goCome on, man, I already know
576 00:26:27 ♪ We gotta go fig up a riotIf we wanna fly free
577 00:26:34 ♪ Doggies and dollsI wanna be facing them off
578 00:26:40 ♪ Light up my fireI need to get in too deep
579 00:26:46 ♪ Take me to the party ♪
580 00:26:48 Really? What? What?
581 00:26:51 Slow down. You're like...
582 00:26:53 Here we go.
583 00:26:55 What is this?
584 00:26:56 Check it out.
585 00:26:58 No.
586 00:27:00 On, my God!
587 00:27:02 What do you think?
588 00:27:04 I can't believe this.
589 00:27:06 I know.They just sort of pop up.
590 00:27:07 Is this like a treeor something?
591 00:27:09 It is a tree.
592 00:27:10 You're gonna know all thesepeople by the end of it.
593 00:27:12 Yes.
594 00:27:13 Hola!Just two of those.
595 00:27:22 That's capoeira.
596 00:27:50 Oh, shit!
597 00:27:52 Uh, I'm really sorry.She's never done that before.
598 00:27:54 Oh, my God.Are you okay?
599 00:27:55 I think you might havekilled the guy.
600 00:27:57 Holy shit.I'm sorry.
601 00:28:04 Oh, this is nice.Right?
602 00:28:06 That's made of glass.
603 00:28:07 Yeah, it is.
604 00:28:08 And the elevator thereis made of steel.
605 00:28:10 And you are okayfinding your room?
606 00:28:13 Oh. Yeah.
607 00:28:15 No, I had a buzz earlier.
608 00:28:17 But it's gone now.
609 00:28:20 Uh...
610 00:28:22 Your tit's out.
611 00:28:25 Your tit's out, too.
612 00:28:28 No, your tit is actually
613 00:28:30 emerged.
614 00:28:37 I thought I felt a breeze.
615 00:28:40 Will you excuse me?
616 00:28:42 Oh, no.Yeah, absolutely.
617 00:28:47 God, I wishI could invite you up.
618 00:28:50 But I can't.
619 00:28:52 I have to 69 my mom.
620 00:28:54 Well, how about, then
621 00:28:56 you set your alarmfor 9:00 a.m
622 00:28:59 and we will goon another adventure?
623 00:29:02 Yeah! I would love it.
624 00:29:06 Oh, shit.
625 00:29:08 I got my mom.
626 00:29:09 No, bring her.
627 00:29:11 It'll be fun.
628 00:29:12 Oh, my God! James!
629 00:29:15 Thank you.
630 00:29:16 That's all right. Thepleasure's gonna be mine.
631 00:29:18 So, you get off to bed
632 00:29:19 and I will see you tomorrow.
633 00:29:22 I'll see you tomorrow, too.
634 00:29:42 On!
635 00:29:55 Sorry.
636 00:29:58 Mom, I had the best night.
637 00:30:01 I learned the capoa.
638 00:30:04 You do that.And I danced with a lady.
639 00:30:08 I'm okay.
640 00:30:10 And we twerked.
641 00:30:12 Did you ever twerk, Ma?
642 00:30:14 No.It's easy.
643 00:30:15 You just loosen your lower back,
644 00:30:17 and you kind of jump.
645 00:30:18 Are you getting it?Yeah.
646 00:30:20 I was doing it better before.
647 00:30:23 What is this haunted swandoing here?
648 00:30:26 Scram, swan!
649 00:30:29 Mom
650 00:30:31 I met a man.
651 00:30:33 Yeah?
652 00:30:34 I met a real man.
653 00:30:38 Well, drinking with a manin a foreign country...
654 00:30:40 You know? It's a smart,responsible thing to do.
655 00:30:45 Thank you.
656 00:30:46 I know that that issincere, and I thank you.
657 00:30:50 You missed a maleficent night.
658 00:30:53 Well, I'm sorry.Go to sleep.
659 00:30:55 I can't get in.It's too tight, Mom.
660 00:30:57 Just, here...
661 00:30:59 Just put your feet under there.
662 00:31:00 It's so tight.
663 00:31:01 It's tight,but it will untighten.
664 00:31:02 What are they trying to prove?
665 00:31:04 Just go to sleep, honey.
666 00:31:05 He's my soul mate.
667 00:31:06 I know, I'm sure. Yeah, whatever.Wait till tomorrow.
668 00:31:09 He's gonna take uson a day trip.
669 00:31:12 Mmm-hmm.And you're going.
670 00:31:13 No, I'm not. I'm gonna read mybook, is what I'm gonna do.
671 00:31:16 I've got ten pages left.
672 00:31:17 Now that I'm awake.
673 00:31:19 And hopefully you won't startdrunk-snoring till I'm done.
674 00:31:22 Do you wanna knowhow this book ends?
675 00:31:24 I do. Absolutely.
676 00:31:25 Then the only wayyou're gonna find out
677 00:31:26 is if you come tomorrow.
678 00:31:27 This is my book now.This is not your book.
679 00:31:29 Yes, it is.This is my book.
680 00:31:31 You are too youngto be acting like this.
681 00:31:32 Oh, really? Well, you're tooold to be acting like this.
682 00:31:35 Now, give me my book!
683 00:31:36 No!
684 00:31:37 You're coming!
685 00:31:39 You wanna knowhow this ends, Linda?
686 00:31:41 Yeah, I do.
687 00:31:42 You will come tomorrow.
688 00:31:44 What did you do?
689 00:31:46 I've got 'em right herein my chi-chas.
690 00:31:49 Chi-cha?
691 00:31:50 I'll see you and James tomorrow.
692 00:31:53 God, Emily, this isn't fun.
693 00:31:54 Good night.
694 00:31:59 Oh!
695 00:32:00 Emily, please.
696 00:32:02 It was the swan.
697 00:32:16 Ah!
698 00:32:31 Ma!
699 00:32:32 Is he looking at me?
700 00:32:34 Is James looking?
701 00:32:36 No, he's not.
702 00:32:37 Here he comes.
703 00:32:40 Here we go.
704 00:32:41 Yes!Here you go.
705 00:32:43 Thank you!Thanks.
706 00:32:45 Hey, cheers!
707 00:32:47 Ooh, cheers!Cheers.
708 00:32:49 What's in it?
709 00:32:50 I wish I could tell you.
710 00:32:51 He said it was a secretfamily recipe or something.
711 00:32:53 Oh, really?
712 00:32:55 It's good.
713 00:32:56 Do you guys mindhow we get back?
714 00:32:57 'Cause I was thinking maybe wecould take the scenic route.
715 00:32:59 We're gonna go past waterfalls.
716 00:33:01 I always see about 12 rainbows.
717 00:33:02 It's insane.Or, if you want
718 00:33:04 we could just take the old,boring, dusty highway.
719 00:33:07 I'll take the old,dusty highway.
720 00:33:09 What? Do youhear yourself?
721 00:33:11 Why are youa life-ruiner?
722 00:33:13 Do you know what?
723 00:33:14 She is kind of right'cause I think we'd save
724 00:33:15 probably a whole
725 00:33:17 five minutes.
726 00:33:19 So...Okay.
727 00:33:20 Waterfalls and rainbows.
728 00:33:42 Where the hell are we?
729 00:33:44 Oh, we're just coming upon a really beautiful view.
730 00:33:47 Do you guys have any service?I have, like, no bars.
731 00:33:50 It's not letting mepost anything.
732 00:34:04 All right. That's it.
733 00:34:06 No more scenic route.
734 00:34:07 Let's just get uson the main road, please.
735 00:34:09 Are you sure?
736 00:34:10 I mean, this really is the way
737 00:34:12 to experience the culture,you know.
738 00:34:14 No, thank you.
739 00:34:15 Mom, it's fine.I'm sure.
740 00:34:16 No, it's absolutely not!
741 00:34:18 Just get us out, you know,back, okay? And now!
742 00:34:20 I want you to do it right now.
743 00:34:22 I'm so sorry.
744 00:34:23 That's okay. Listen,I'm really sorry, guys.
745 00:34:25 I didn't mean to freak you out.
746 00:34:26 Listen, I'm just gonna haveto turn around up here
747 00:34:28 and then we'll get backto the road.
748 00:34:30 What was the name of that dance
749 00:34:31 that we were doingthe other night?
750 00:34:32 Mom, you should have seen it.Oh, my God!
751 00:34:34 Capoeira!Capoeira!
752 00:34:59 Oh, my God!
753 00:35:01 Are you okay?
754 00:35:02 Oh, my God!
755 00:35:04 Where are we?
756 00:35:09 Why would they take us?Oh, my God!
757 00:35:12 Oh, fuck! Ew. Ew.
758 00:35:14 Mom, why aren't you talking?
759 00:35:16 Because I'm tryingto remain calm.
760 00:35:20 And when I think aboutwhere we are
761 00:35:21 and what's happening,I start to panic.
762 00:35:23 And I don't want to panic.
763 00:35:24 So I have chosen to believe
764 00:35:27 that I am readinga very compelling article
765 00:35:30 on local farming practices.
766 00:35:32 What the fuck is that?Is that porn?
767 00:35:34 Because
768 00:35:36 when I think about all this...
769 00:35:38 I get upset!
770 00:35:39 Oh, my God.
771 00:35:41 So I'm moving onto another article
772 00:35:44 about this woman's asshole.
773 00:35:46 Her asshole?
774 00:35:47 Because I just don't knowwhat else to do.
775 00:35:49 On, my God!
776 00:35:50 Do you think James is okay?
777 00:35:51 Do you think they'reholding him here?
778 00:35:53 Oh, Emily, don't you know
779 00:35:55 that James is partof all this, honey?
780 00:35:57 How can my daughterbe so foolish?
781 00:35:59 How could shejust not know this?
782 00:36:01 I am sorry that this happened.
783 00:36:05 But I will get usout of here, okay?
784 00:36:07 I'm gonna call...
785 00:36:10 Oh, my God.They took my phone.
786 00:36:13 Oh, my God, they took my phone!
787 00:36:16 It's fine.That's fine.
788 00:36:19 We just gather raw materials.
789 00:36:21 Okay, we...
790 00:36:22 And we make a shiv.I saw this.
791 00:36:24 No.I saw it. Yes!
792 00:36:26 No. We fight, we lose.
793 00:36:28 Holy shit!
794 00:36:30 What are youholy-shitting about?
795 00:36:33 Oh, the blood on the wall?Oh, well, that's there.
796 00:36:37 Hey, how about the scorpion,over there in the corner?
797 00:36:40 What? Oh, my God!It's a fucking scorpion!
798 00:36:43 Mom, you have to kill it.
799 00:36:44 I'm not gonna kill it.Kill it!
800 00:36:46 I can't kill it.
801 00:36:49 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
802 00:36:51 Where have you taken us?
803 00:36:52 I have a few questions.
804 00:36:54 We have a veryhigh-up family,
805 00:36:55 and you're in a lot of trouble.
806 00:36:57 What the fuck is this?
807 00:36:59 That is heat-activatedbirth control, sir,
808 00:37:01 so pleasekeep that refrigerated.
809 00:37:03 This was a day.This was a day trip.
810 00:37:05 I know, but I like to beprepared. It's important.
811 00:37:07 What's your PIN number?
812 00:37:10 One
813 00:37:11 two
814 00:37:14 three
815 00:37:17 four.
816 00:37:18 Oh, God.
817 00:37:19 I was gonna change it.
818 00:37:21 Do you have husband?
819 00:37:22 I am divorced.
820 00:37:24 I also don't have a husband yet.
821 00:37:27 What about Jeffrey?My son, Jeffrey.
822 00:37:30 Oh, my God. Our livesdepend on Jeffrey.
823 00:37:36 Shit.What you're doing is shit.
824 00:37:38 It sucks.
825 00:37:40 Okay, just thinkabout how to be better.
826 00:37:48 You got Jeffrey.
827 00:37:49 Hello, Jeffrey.
828 00:37:51 We have your motherand your sister.
829 00:37:53 And you will now pay ransom.
830 00:37:55 Pardon?
831 00:37:56 $100,000.
832 00:37:58 Wired by noon tomorrow.
833 00:37:59 Okay, I don't know who this is,
834 00:38:01 but if you keep pranking me,
835 00:38:02 I will report it to the police.
836 00:38:03 It will become a police matter,
837 00:38:05 and you will go to jail.Okay?
838 00:38:06 I'm with Jacob right now.It's his piano lesson.
839 00:38:09 So fuck off.
840 00:38:10 Unfortunately,
841 00:38:12 for Linda and Emily
842 00:38:13 it is very real.
843 00:38:15 Await further instructions.
844 00:38:17 Mama? Hello! Hello!
845 00:38:32 On, my God.
846 00:38:43 Not too bad.
847 00:38:45 However, I have to move you,and that is annoying to me.
848 00:38:48 Fortunately, you havenot made me angry.
849 00:38:51 Should you ever make me angry
850 00:38:55 I will skin you alivewhile your mother watches.
851 00:39:01 What does that mean?Oh, God.
852 00:39:03 Oh, my God. No! No!
853 00:39:05 Fight, Mom. Fight!
854 00:39:06 Fight, Mom!
855 00:39:07 Go limp. Go limp!
856 00:39:10 No!Go limp.
857 00:39:16 I have a real phobia about this.
858 00:39:18 Of what? Being lockedin a car trunk?
859 00:39:20 Yeah, I think everybody'sgot that one, Mom.
860 00:39:25 Oh, my God!I feel like I can get this.
861 00:39:27 It's loosening.
862 00:39:29 Hold on.Wait, I think I got it.
863 00:39:31 Oh! Okay.Do me! Do me!
864 00:39:36 No. I don't care.Okay.
865 00:39:38 Okay. It's off.
866 00:39:40 Oh, my God.
867 00:39:46 Oh, my God.We're stopped.
868 00:39:48 Okay, he's out.What do we do?
869 00:39:49 I saw this on Dateline once.
870 00:39:50 These people were trappedin a trunk,
871 00:39:52 and they found these wires...
872 00:39:53 Wait, wires?I feel some wires.
873 00:39:54 Just grab it?Yeah.
874 00:39:55 Should I pull it?Yes.
875 00:39:57 Oh!Oh, we're out! Okay.
876 00:40:03 Okay.
877 00:40:06 Okay, this way, come on.
878 00:40:08 Mom, what are you doing?My knees.
879 00:40:10 Keep UP!
880 00:40:11 On, shit!
881 00:40:13 I told you not to wearyour flip-flops!
882 00:40:15 It wasn'tflip-flop related, Mother.
883 00:40:19 Oh, my God!Oh, my God!
884 00:40:26 Oh, shit!Go, Mom!
885 00:40:28 Go!Ola!
886 00:40:29 On, my God!
887 00:40:31 Mom! Come on!
888 00:40:32 I'm trying!
889 00:40:36 Come on!I'm coming.
890 00:40:38 Watch out, Mom!He's right behind you!
891 00:40:39 Emily!Come on!
892 00:40:42 Oh, my God.
893 00:40:44 Come on!
894 00:40:48 He's got my leg!
895 00:41:16 We're stopped.
896 00:41:18 This is the end of the line,whatever that means.
897 00:41:19 Come on, honey.
898 00:41:22 Ma, do you think there'sany way that, like,
899 00:41:24 maybe that guy's okay?
900 00:41:26 I saw his brains.
901 00:41:28 Why can't you justmake me feel better?
902 00:41:31 Oh, my God.Thank you so much.
903 00:41:33 You are such a sweetie.
904 00:41:41 What? Hector Morgado?
905 00:41:46 This is...
906 00:41:48 Honey, he's nervous.
907 00:41:51 Wait, where are you going?
908 00:41:53 Where are you going?
909 00:41:54 Should we get back in here?
910 00:41:56 What are we supposed to do?
911 00:41:58 Okay, we gotta getout of here. Let's go.
912 00:42:01 What we need to focuson is that we got out.
913 00:42:04 I don't knowwhy I let you talk me
914 00:42:05 into this in the first place.
915 00:42:07 I should have stayedat the hotel.
916 00:42:08 I can't fight with youright now. I'm starving.
917 00:42:11 Do you hear my stomach?
918 00:42:12 It's, like, crazy.I'm so hungry.
919 00:42:15 - Oh, my God.- A phone!
920 00:42:17 A turkey leg!
921 00:42:19 Mmm-hmm,hold on one second.
922 00:42:21 State Department,this is Morgan.
923 00:42:23 Please listenvery carefully to me, sir.
924 00:42:25 My mother and Ihave been kidnapped.
925 00:42:26 Mmm, okay,where are you guys now?
926 00:42:28 Puerto Matias.
927 00:42:31 That's in southern Colombia.Let me pull that up.
928 00:42:32 Will you hold on for one second?
929 00:42:34 They took us to Colombia.It's fine, it's fine.
930 00:42:36 It's just a different...
931 00:42:38 ZIP code.It's so far.
932 00:42:39 Okay.
933 00:42:41 Okay, go ahead and get outa pencil and paper for me.
934 00:42:42 And write down "Calle..."
935 00:42:44 "Cali" What?
936 00:42:46 Is this a tall buildingthat we need to get to
937 00:42:48 so you can pick us upon the top of it?
938 00:42:50 That's the addressof the nearest
939 00:42:51 US consulate in Bogota.
940 00:42:53 Okay, but you haveto actually come get us
941 00:42:56 because we are Americansin peril. So...
942 00:43:00 I'm sorry to tell you,
943 00:43:01 but any time youtravel internationally,
944 00:43:02 you take a risk.
945 00:43:03 Most of Colombia is beautifuland very safe now.
946 00:43:06 With the exceptionof Puerto Matias,
947 00:43:08 which is very much not.
948 00:43:09 So trust no one.
949 00:43:11 Good luck.
950 00:43:12 And thanks for callingthe US State Department.
951 00:43:19 You talked to him.What'd he say?
952 00:43:23 I think we're gonna needto make another phone call.
953 00:43:25 We're gonna get you out of this.
954 00:43:27 I don't know if you rememberme telling you this
955 00:43:29 but Barb was in the special ops.
956 00:43:31 So she's highly trainedfor this type of situation.
957 00:43:34 Let me tell you a storyabout Barb.
958 00:43:35 We're on a limited time card.We really need...
959 00:43:38 1991, Kuwait.
960 00:43:40 Hot as fuck...
961 00:43:41 Hello?
962 00:43:45 On, my God.
963 00:43:47 This place seems okay.
964 00:43:52 Hi.
965 00:43:53 Hi. When doesthe next bus leave?
966 00:43:58 Bus doesn't leavefor about 36 hours.
967 00:44:00 Oh, my God.
968 00:44:02 But I know a manwho can take care of you.
969 00:44:04 Oh, yeah, I'm sure he could.Mmm-hmm.
970 00:44:07 This is how sex slaverystarts, honey.
971 00:44:09 I'm so sorry.
972 00:44:10 Listen, no. You don'thave to worry about that.
973 00:44:12 Those kinds of people wantyoung, beautiful females.
974 00:44:14 You're safe.
975 00:44:16 Oh, well, yeah.That's good.
976 00:44:19 Okay, how dare you!
977 00:44:20 Like, that is so rude.
978 00:44:22 That's crazy.Well, honey.
979 00:44:23 No. Like, how dare you.That's my mother.
980 00:44:25 Honey, have a peanut.
981 00:44:26 Okay, fine. But if youthink it would be safer
982 00:44:27 for me to kind of, like
983 00:44:29 go hide and thenshe meets your friend
984 00:44:30 who knowshow to get us to the...
985 00:44:32 No, I don't want you to do that.
986 00:44:33 No, you're both safe.
987 00:44:36 How do you mean?
988 00:44:37 Your poofy facewill protect you.
989 00:44:40 But, over there,that man is who I mean.
990 00:44:46 Can I help you, ma'ams?
991 00:44:47 He's American.America!
992 00:44:50 Oh, my God.We're Americans. Hi.
993 00:44:52 I'm Emily and this is Linda.Hi, I'm Linda.
994 00:44:54 You don't even understandthe ordeal
995 00:44:56 that we have just been through.
996 00:44:57 Yeah, I mean, we were kidnapped.
997 00:44:58 We really need toget to the US consulate in
998 00:45:00 Bogota?Right.
999 00:45:01 As soon as possible, kind of.
1000 00:45:02 So, if you know the easiest way.
1001 00:45:04 The easy way?
1002 00:45:12 They were laughingat something else.
1003 00:45:14 You're not going to findthat in Colombia.
1004 00:45:18 Ah, you've got mountainranges to the north.
1005 00:45:20 Mom, come on.
1006 00:45:21 Jungles to the east and west.
1007 00:45:24 And, well, the mighty one, theriver, she's to the south.
1008 00:45:28 There is no easy trek.
1009 00:45:30 There's a reasonthey call Colombia
1010 00:45:32 "The sack of the jaguar."
1011 00:45:33 I never heard of that before.I'll tell you what.
1012 00:45:35 I've got a slow boat,headed down river.
1013 00:45:38 I can take you eastalong the Amazon
1014 00:45:40 and stretch it up north.
1015 00:45:41 We should be able todrop you off close enough
1016 00:45:43 that you can make it to Bogotawithout too much trouble.
1017 00:45:45 Name's Roger Simmons.
1018 00:45:46 The boat's docked just out back.
1019 00:45:47 Crew's getting her seaworthyas we speak. So...
1020 00:45:49 I'll check in with themthen come back for you.
1021 00:45:52 Thank you.
1022 00:45:53 Señor!
1023 00:45:55 Chicken wings for the ladies.
1024 00:45:59 You're safe with me.
1025 00:46:01 Thank you.
1026 00:46:04 Yeah!
1027 00:46:05 Slow boat!
1028 00:46:06 Slow boat.
1029 00:46:08 You wanna get the chicken wings?
1030 00:46:09 That'd be great.
1031 00:46:21 Ma, stop.Don't, like, caress me.
1032 00:46:23 Oh, sweetie.
1033 00:46:24 You look just like you didwhen you were three.
1034 00:46:26 Okay. You need to startdating again.
1035 00:46:28 What?Yeah, you do.
1036 00:46:30 Oh, please. Don't startwith this again.
1037 00:46:33 Why? I've been there, done that
1038 00:46:35 All right, I'm gonna pee.
1039 00:46:36 Don't let themtake the wings away.
1040 00:46:38 Okay, honey.
1041 00:46:44 Oh, my God. Help!
1042 00:46:46 Mom! Oh, my God! Ow!
1043 00:46:51 On, my God.
1044 00:46:55 That's him.
1045 00:46:56 That's the guy.Oh, God.
1046 00:46:58 Hi, sir.
1047 00:47:00 Remember us?
1048 00:47:01 Shut the fuck up.
1049 00:47:03 Why did you cometo South America?
1050 00:47:06 I didn't want to come.I never wanted to come.
1051 00:47:07 For the cultural experience
1052 00:47:09 and the Red Cross.
1053 00:47:11 You come down here
1054 00:47:12 you stay at your fancy resort
1055 00:47:14 clutching your pearls.
1056 00:47:16 Look at my peoplelike you are at the zoo.
1057 00:47:18 What the fuck?
1058 00:47:19 You offer nothing here to them.
1059 00:47:21 And you take everything.
1060 00:47:23 And then
1061 00:47:26 you kill my only nephew.
1062 00:47:28 Oh!
1063 00:47:29 Oh, my God.Oh, no. No.
1064 00:47:31 - We had no idea.- We didn't know.
1065 00:47:33 - We're new in town.- We're very new.
1066 00:47:35 He was cute.
1067 00:47:36 He was fast.
1068 00:47:37 You should have seen himin those last moments.
1069 00:47:39 I'm sorry. But listen,you kidnapped us.
1070 00:47:41 And that's what motivated that.So, like
1071 00:47:44 that is on you.
1072 00:47:45 Okay. What?Wait a minute.
1073 00:47:46 She's really such a good kid.
1074 00:47:48 She is garbage.
1075 00:47:50 No.
1076 00:47:51 Yeah. Yes.
1077 00:47:53 Yes, I am.Yes, you are.
1078 00:47:55 I am garbage.I have never voted.
1079 00:47:57 I don't know any Spanish.I only know one word.
1080 00:48:00 What they called me at my jobat the restaurant. Puta!
1081 00:48:02 Which I don't knowwhat it means.
1082 00:48:04 "Princess" or "pretty" or...
1083 00:48:05 It means "whore."
1084 00:48:07 That checks out.
1085 00:48:08 You took someone from my family.
1086 00:48:12 I must take someone from yours.
1087 00:48:15 That is the way it is.I didn't make the rules.
1088 00:48:19 Not this one.
1089 00:48:21 Mom.
1090 00:48:23 Okay. Okay.
1091 00:48:25 Hold on. Look!
1092 00:48:27 A spear gun.
1093 00:48:28 I want you to take that,
1094 00:48:29 and I want youto threaten him with it.
1095 00:48:31 Okay, I'm gonna distract them.
1096 00:48:32 Where are you going?
1097 00:48:33 I'm gonna distract them!
1098 00:48:35 You're distracting them?
1099 00:48:45 My son!
1100 00:48:47 MY son! My only son!
1101 00:48:50 What?
1102 00:48:51 Kill them!
1103 00:48:54 I told you to threaten him.
1104 00:48:56 That's his son?
1105 00:48:57 Someone order a boatwith a side of adventure?
1106 00:48:59 Shut the fuck up, Roger!
1107 00:49:01 MY son! My only son!
1108 00:49:04 - Go!- Let's go!
1109 00:49:06 Manuel! Quickly, the boat!
1110 00:49:07 Come on, Mom!
1111 00:49:14 This is Morgan Russell.
1112 00:49:15 Yes! Morgan Russell!
1113 00:49:17 I'm the one that's been calling
1114 00:49:18 about the Middleton ladies
1115 00:49:19 and their situationdown in South America.
1116 00:49:21 Let's go get 'em.What's the plan?
1117 00:49:22 Right, so, I told herto contact me
1118 00:49:25 once she gets to Bogota.Mmm-hmm.
1119 00:49:26 There's not much more I cando, unfortunately, sir.
1120 00:49:29 Okay, I imagine thatyou have some kind of
1121 00:49:34 commando squad.
1122 00:49:35 Maybe, like, fourunderground criminals
1123 00:49:37 who were tried for a crimethey didn't commit.
1124 00:49:39 And they've been livingin the underground
1125 00:49:41 kinda helping peoplealong the way, almost
1126 00:49:43 Sir, were you born in the '70s?
1127 00:49:44 Yeah.Mmm.
1128 00:49:46 That sounds like The A-Team.It is The A-Team.
1129 00:49:47 Do you have an A-Team?
1130 00:49:49 We actually disbanded thatprogram in 1994, sir.
1131 00:49:52 Fuck! Shit!
1132 00:49:53 Okay, here's how you can help.
1133 00:49:54 Pull out a penand a piece of paper.
1134 00:49:55 Okay.
1135 00:49:57 And write down, "If you feelthe urge to call again
1136 00:49:59 "resist it."
1137 00:50:00 Wait. That's the advice?
1138 00:50:02 That's what you're giving me?
1139 00:50:03 Yep-
1140 00:50:42 I don't remember thelast time I had a drink.
1141 00:50:47 Mom, you need to relax.All right?
1142 00:50:49 You're stressing me out.
1143 00:50:50 I can't relax.
1144 00:50:51 The most terrifying manlever saw in my life
1145 00:50:54 was going to cut us up
1146 00:50:55 in little pieceswith his machete.
1147 00:50:57 And that was beforeyou murdered his son.
1148 00:51:01 Accidentally murdered.
1149 00:51:03 But, Mom.What?
1150 00:51:05 Can we focus on the positive?Because we are safe now.
1151 00:51:07 We're safe?
1152 00:51:09 You think we're safe?
1153 00:51:11 Yeah, we're safe.We're on a boat.
1154 00:51:13 Look how fast they found us!
1155 00:51:15 I mean, I'm going to belooking over my shoulder
1156 00:51:17 for the rest of my life.
1157 00:51:19 And then when I goto sleep at night,
1158 00:51:20 I'm going to have an image
1159 00:51:21 of that spear going intothat man's throat. Ugh!
1160 00:51:25 Why would youbring that up, Mom?
1161 00:51:27 Can't you just comfort me?
1162 00:51:28 Can you just please be my parent
1163 00:51:30 and make me feel better?
1164 00:51:31 Do you want meto make you feel better?
1165 00:51:33 Yes.
1166 00:51:34 You are a very gifted murderer.
1167 00:51:38 Okay.
1168 00:51:39 You know, Mom,
1169 00:51:41 just because you can'tcontrol this exact situation
1170 00:51:43 does not mean you haveto lash out at me.
1171 00:51:45 I can't stop my handsfrom shaking, honey.
1172 00:51:47 Maybe you need to chill outwith the drinking,
1173 00:51:49 just a little bit, Mom.
1174 00:51:51 Look, Roger is gonnaget us home.
1175 00:51:53 Let's focus on that.
1176 00:51:55 Roger's going to get us home
1177 00:51:56 just like James wastaking you out on a date.
1178 00:51:59 Get it?
1179 00:52:00 Judgment.
1180 00:52:02 Linda, Emily.
1181 00:52:04 Luis, here, just got word
1182 00:52:05 that there's a boat50 klicks back
1183 00:52:07 looking for two American women.
1184 00:52:09 Oh, God.Oh, my God.
1185 00:52:11 Now, see? What'd I tell you?Okay, okay.
1186 00:52:13 We have no choice butto slip off now onto a canoe.
1187 00:52:17 I'll guide you throughthe sack of the jaguar.
1188 00:52:19 Oh uh...
1189 00:52:21 You know, it's funny.
1190 00:52:23 I've been looking for adventure
1191 00:52:24 ever since I got to thisgodforsaken land.
1192 00:52:27 And now, well, now
1193 00:52:30 it looks likeadventure's found me.
1194 00:52:33 Yeah.Yeah, it has.
1195 00:52:51 Oh, I'm weak, honey.
1196 00:52:53 You should eat something.
1197 00:52:54 Hey, Roger.Is this fruit okay?
1198 00:52:58 Sure.
1199 00:53:00 Okay.
1200 00:53:01 Oh, wait, do you mean, like,is it poisonous?
1201 00:53:03 I don't know. Probably.
1202 00:53:05 Oh, my God!
1203 00:53:06 Ladies, listen to me.
1204 00:53:07 There's always a risk if youwant to feast on the sack.
1205 00:53:10 At some point, you're gonnahave to pick your poison.
1206 00:53:13 Starvation
1207 00:53:14 or poison.
1208 00:53:16 Mmm.
1209 00:53:17 Vatmonos.
1210 00:53:21 Oh!
1211 00:53:25 Ow!
1212 00:53:28 And, gosh, wasn't it weird
1213 00:53:29 how soggy the wood waswhen I tried to light it?
1214 00:53:31 So weird.
1215 00:53:32 Linda, thanks for stepping up.
1216 00:53:34 You really did a great job.
1217 00:53:35 Yeah. It's awesome, Mom.
1218 00:53:36 Thanks, honey.
1219 00:53:38 Roger, why don't youtell us a story?
1220 00:53:40 You've been an expeditionguide for forever, right?
1221 00:53:43 Expedition guide?Oh, that's flattering.
1222 00:53:45 I haven't heard that one before.
1223 00:53:46 Yeah, my story.
1224 00:53:49 Uh, I've been here
1225 00:53:51 three long weeks now.
1226 00:53:53 First time on a plane.
1227 00:53:55 'Til recently, I was a GMat a Trader Joe's
1228 00:53:57 up in Rochester.
1229 00:53:58 Although, one could say that
1230 00:54:00 the way that store was managed,
1231 00:54:02 that was the real jungle.
1232 00:54:04 And then, well,my doctor said I was sick.
1233 00:54:07 So, I said to myself,"Roger! What the heck?"
1234 00:54:09 "Go on downto South America."
1235 00:54:11 Oh, God. Are you ill?
1236 00:54:12 Hmm? Yes, ma'am.Caught the travel bug.
1237 00:54:15 Oh, the travel bug.
1238 00:54:16 I thought he was saying...
1239 00:54:18 And cancer.
1240 00:54:19 Doc gave me, oh,a month to live,
1241 00:54:22 which gives me abouta week now, so, yeah.
1242 00:54:23 I mean, because you'renot just gonna
1243 00:54:25 walk on in to the Amazon
1244 00:54:27 if you're expectingto walk on out.
1245 00:54:30 And so, yeah.
1246 00:54:33 No.Sure.
1247 00:54:35 We got a big day tomorrow, huh?
1248 00:54:36 So I think we need to catcha little shut-eye.
1249 00:54:39 Someone needs to stand watch.
1250 00:54:40 Why don't you guystake the first shift?
1251 00:54:42 Wake me up in ten hours.
1252 00:54:43 Oh, boy!
1253 00:54:45 I don't know if I'll evereven be able to get to sleep.
1254 00:54:57 God. Ugh!
1255 00:54:59 Why are we still following him?
1256 00:55:00 He's a cashier.
1257 00:55:02 He's a manager, Mom.
1258 00:55:03 Just stay positive.
1259 00:55:05 Feel free to drinkfrom any puddle you see.
1260 00:55:07 All water in the jungle is safe.
1261 00:55:09 You have no information.
1262 00:55:16 Wait.
1263 00:55:22 And just over this ridge
1264 00:55:25 that's the quickest wayto Bogota.
1265 00:55:31 We're going to swing overto the other side.
1266 00:55:36 One at a time.
1267 00:55:37 I'll go first
1268 00:55:39 'cause I'm the man.
1269 00:55:42 Ha-ha!
1270 00:55:54 Oh!
1271 00:55:58 Fuck! Shit!
1272 00:55:59 Okay, Okay-
1273 00:56:00 Oh, my God!This is bullshit!
1274 00:56:02 Okay.
1275 00:56:03 On, my God!
1276 00:56:05 Maybe he's okay.
1277 00:56:06 Okay, okay, okay-
1278 00:56:07 Okay.Okay.
1279 00:56:08 O kay? O kay?Okay. Okay.
1280 00:56:10 Okay.Okay.
1281 00:56:15 Russell.
1282 00:56:16 Hello, Morgan.
1283 00:56:19 Sir, you've called12 times today.
1284 00:56:22 I've already told you.
1285 00:56:23 I've been in touch withthe US consulate in Bogota.
1286 00:56:25 They put out an alert
1287 00:56:26 with the Colombian militaryand police.
1288 00:56:28 All we can do is waituntil we hear from them.
1289 00:56:30 And I wonder what
1290 00:56:33 Joanne would think about this.
1291 00:56:36 Wait, did you say "Joanne"
1292 00:56:38 like, my wife, Joanne?
1293 00:56:41 Is this some kind of a threat?
1294 00:56:42 No, I didn't say Joanne.
1295 00:56:44 You said "Joanne."
1296 00:56:46 I said "Yo, Anne."No, you said "Joanne"
1297 00:56:48 like you've been on myFacebook page or something.
1298 00:56:49 Let me tell you something.
1299 00:56:51 You called an officerof the US government
1300 00:56:52 and threatened his wifeover the phone.
1301 00:56:54 I'm gonna tell you what'sgonna happen right now
1302 00:56:55 so I want you to getreal quiet, okay?
1303 00:56:58 If you call this number onemore motherfucking time
1304 00:57:01 I'm gonna show up at your house,
1305 00:57:03 handcuff youto the bumper of your car
1306 00:57:05 and drag you to federal prison,
1307 00:57:07 where you will be skull raped
1308 00:57:09 to within an inch of your life,
1309 00:57:11 every single fucking night!
1310 00:57:12 I don't thinkyou're gonna enjoy that.
1311 00:57:14 Oh, yeah?I'll come to your house,
1312 00:57:16 and I'll fuck your dick.
1313 00:57:21 You know what? Hold up.
1314 00:57:28 Yo, yo, yo!
1315 00:57:30 "Yo, yo, yo"? That's racist, Jeffrey.That's fucked up.
1316 00:57:32 "Yo, yo, yo"?
1317 00:57:33 Yo, this is This is Derrick.
1318 00:57:35 What's your last name, Derrick?
1319 00:57:37 Black.
1320 00:57:39 Now let me tell you something.
1321 00:57:40 That threat you madeis all fucked up.
1322 00:57:42 I'm gonna come to your house.I got your address right here.
1323 00:57:54 ♪ Picture thisI'm a bag of dicks
1324 00:57:56 ♪ Put me to your lipsI am sick
1325 00:57:58 ♪ I will punch a baby bearin his shit
1326 00:58:00 ♪ Give me lipI'ma send you to the yard
1327 00:58:02 ♪ Get a stickMake a switch
1328 00:58:03 ♪ I can end a conversationreal quick
1329 00:58:06 ♪ I am crackI ain't lyin'
1330 00:58:07 ♪ Kick a lion in his crackI'm the shit
1331 00:58:09 ♪ I will fall off in your cribTake a shit
1332 00:58:12 ♪ Pinch your momma on the booty,kick your dog, fuck your bitch
1333 00:58:15 ♪ Fat boy dressed uplike he's Santa
1334 00:58:16 ♪ And took pictureswith your kids
1335 00:58:18 ♪ We the best, we will cuta frowny face in your chest
1336 00:58:21 ♪ Little WenchI'm unmentionably fresh
1337 00:58:23 ♪ I'm a menschGet correct
1338 00:58:24 ♪ I will walk into a courtWhile erect ♪
1339 00:58:26 Okay, where do we go now?
1340 00:58:28 Roger saidit's just across the ridge.
1341 00:58:30 Roger is dead.
1342 00:58:32 I realize that.
1343 00:58:33 Yeah, and he didn't knowanything.
1344 00:58:35 Just use the map, Mom.
1345 00:58:39 On, my God.
1346 00:58:40 This is a placematfrom a restaurant.
1347 00:58:42 Everything will be fine.
1348 00:58:43 Everything is not fine,Emily Louise.
1349 00:58:46 Look where we are.Look where we are.
1350 00:58:48 In the middle of the Amazon!
1351 00:58:51 Oh, my God!
1352 00:58:53 That's how desperate I amto spend time with you.
1353 00:58:55 I see you all the time.
1354 00:58:58 You see me when youneed something.
1355 00:59:01 That's not true.
1356 00:59:02 Yeah, and you know what?
1357 00:59:03 When I just say anythingjust remotely critical...
1358 00:59:06 Wait!"Remotely critical"?
1359 00:59:08 Mom, you flat-out insult me.All the time.
1360 00:59:12 What?
1361 00:59:13 It's not a good wayto raise kids.
1362 00:59:16 What do you knowabout raising kids?
1363 00:59:18 What do you know about anything?
1364 00:59:20 Except postingpictures of yourself?
1365 00:59:22 Okay, well, I only postso many pictures of myself
1366 00:59:25 because I wantpeople to witness me
1367 00:59:27 having an interesting, full life
1368 00:59:30 and give me complimentsin the comments.
1369 00:59:32 You can do that withoutposting pictures. I do.
1370 00:59:35 You have a full,interesting life?
1371 00:59:37 You just check the locksall day.
1372 00:59:39 And change the kitty litter.
1373 00:59:42 You hide in your homewith your adult son.
1374 00:59:46 Are you saying thatI've wasted my life?
1375 00:59:49 I didn't say that.
1376 00:59:50 You know what?You're wrong!
1377 00:59:52 Because I had you.And I had your brother.
1378 00:59:56 So don't you dare sayI wasted my life.
1379 00:59:58 I gave you everything I had.
1380 01:00:00 Everything!
1381 01:00:01 And I did it alone!
1382 01:00:05 What the hell have youever done for anybody?
1383 01:00:08 For 18 years
1384 01:00:10 your mother is the mostimportant person
1385 01:00:12 to you in your entire life.
1386 01:00:13 And then...And then...
1387 01:00:15 One day, poof!You're gone.
1388 01:00:17 And then what are yousupposed to do?
1389 01:00:18 Like, just adjust?Just like that?
1390 01:00:21 It's not possible, Emily.
1391 01:00:23 You were mine.
1392 01:00:25 And now, you're not.
1393 01:00:28 And I...
1394 01:00:30 I miss you.
1395 01:00:31 Mom, I'm right here.
1396 01:00:34 I'm the one whoinvited you on this trip.
1397 01:00:36 I'm on this trip, Emily,
1398 01:00:38 because you didn't wantto drink Mai Tais alone.
1399 01:00:41 No! You arethe mergle fur!
1400 01:00:44 What the hell is mergle fur?
1401 01:00:47 Oh, Emily!
1402 01:01:00 On!
1403 01:01:02 Thank God!
1404 01:01:03 What's going on?
1405 01:01:05 Honey, we're so luckybecause I had to drag you
1406 01:01:08 all the way throughthe jungle, looking for help.
1407 01:01:10 And I ran into Dr. Armandoand his friend.
1408 01:01:12 Now, this is Maco,
1409 01:01:13 who I've been teachinga little English.
1410 01:01:14 No big deal.Go ahead.
1411 01:01:16 Hello.Ah!
1412 01:01:17 Good.That's great.
1413 01:01:19 He's been assisting me
1414 01:01:20 as I search local plantsfor a compound
1415 01:01:22 that could potentially...Are you ready?
1416 01:01:24 Cure cancer.
1417 01:01:25 That is amazing!
1418 01:01:27 I think so.Yes, thank you.
1419 01:01:29 All right.Well, thank you, guys.
1420 01:01:30 - Thanks, Macho.- You ready?
1421 01:01:31 Yeah, we're gonnahead out of here.
1422 01:01:33 Oh, you can't go just yet.
1423 01:01:35 Um, you have a parasite in you.
1424 01:01:37 What?What's that?
1425 01:01:39 Here's the thing.Your mother told us
1426 01:01:40 that you've been, like,extremely hungry lately.
1427 01:01:42 And thankfully,when you passed out
1428 01:01:44 you shat yourself.
1429 01:01:46 Thank God.
1430 01:01:47 Never seen so much shit.
1431 01:01:51 Like a human, almost.Yeah.
1432 01:01:52 Okay, we understand.It was a lot of shit.
1433 01:01:54 Lots of shit. Yes.
1434 01:01:55 I'm sorry.
1435 01:01:57 But through that, we couldtake a stool sample
1436 01:01:58 and test it
1437 01:01:59 and determine thatyou have a tapeworm.
1438 01:02:01 A tapeworm?
1439 01:02:04 Tapeworm.
1440 01:02:05 What?Can I look at that?
1441 01:02:06 Yes, please. A second opinion is...Yes.
1442 01:02:09 Please, please, please.Go ahead.
1443 01:02:10 So what's the treatment?Like a Z-pack?
1444 01:02:13 If it's already affectingyour appetite,
1445 01:02:14 I think it's probably...
1446 01:02:17 It's pretty significant.
1447 01:02:19 Oh!
1448 01:02:20 Listen.We're out of praziquantel
1449 01:02:21 so we're going to have
1450 01:02:22 to substract itfrom you manually.
1451 01:02:23 What? Manually? What?
1452 01:02:25 With my manuals.
1453 01:02:26 That's fuckin' gross.
1454 01:02:27 Good news! Right now,
1455 01:02:28 the tapewormis really hungry, right?
1456 01:02:30 So what we're gonna do
1457 01:02:31 is we're gonna lodge openyour throat
1458 01:02:33 and dangle a piece of meatin front of your throat.
1459 01:02:36 Try to coax it out.
1460 01:02:37 It'll feel safe,but it's not safe
1461 01:02:38 because I'm gonna pull it.
1462 01:02:40 No!Slowly!
1463 01:02:41 Slowly! Slowly!Then, slap it down.
1464 01:02:43 Slap it down. Kill it.
1465 01:02:44 You both have to pull it out?
1466 01:02:46 It's a two-man job, ma'am.It's a two-man job, I'm sorry.
1467 01:02:48 I've got a worm, Mom.I know.
1468 01:02:50 Mom!I'm here.
1469 01:02:51 Get the worm out, Mom.I'm your pillar.
1470 01:02:54 Hello.
1471 01:03:03 Oh, hello.
1472 01:03:07 When will we knowwhen it's working?
1473 01:03:10 When we look intothe worm's eyes, Linda.
1474 01:03:13 Come outside and face me.
1475 01:03:15 Yes. Show me your face.
1476 01:03:18 Oh, here it comes. Okay.
1477 01:03:21 Okay.
1478 01:03:25 Oh. What?
1479 01:03:26 Oh, it's coming.It's making its way.
1480 01:03:28 Okay, relax, I got this. Move.
1481 01:03:32 Knock me out!Knock me out!
1482 01:03:42 What are you doing?
1483 01:03:44 Okay! Okay!
1484 01:03:51 Help me. Help me!
1485 01:04:02 It's not like at home.
1486 01:04:05 I bet.Oh, there she comes.
1487 01:04:07 Oh, look!
1488 01:04:09 Hi.Hi.
1489 01:04:12 Baby.Hi.
1490 01:04:13 Do you feel better?
1491 01:04:15 I feel great.
1492 01:04:17 - Oh, good.- Yeah.
1493 01:04:18 You did good.
1494 01:04:20 Hi, Maco. Thank you.
1495 01:04:23 Emily, this isa traditional gift
1496 01:04:25 that the village made for you.
1497 01:04:26 It's for protectionwhile you're here.
1498 01:04:28 For me?Yes, for you.
1499 01:04:29 Oh, my God.
1500 01:04:31 That's so nice.
1501 01:04:33 It's heavy. It's thick.
1502 01:04:35 It's, like, hurting.Thank you.
1503 01:04:37 It's tight.
1504 01:04:40 Something Kanye would design.
1505 01:04:42 That's great.
1506 01:04:46 Do they just kind ofdo that all day?
1507 01:04:49 Oh, yes.
1508 01:04:50 When we got here,we provided a lift.
1509 01:04:52 They used to have to walkmiles up the hill.
1510 01:04:54 But, much easier now.
1511 01:04:56 That's very thoughtful of you.
1512 01:04:57 And what do the men do?
1513 01:04:59 They just kind of straightchill, or...
1514 01:05:01 Culturally,the women do the work
1515 01:05:03 and the men, they providethe protection, you know?
1516 01:05:06 Yeah.
1517 01:05:08 That's fucked up.
1518 01:05:11 Not for the men. Yeah.
1519 01:05:17 That's so cool. This iswhat you guys are up to.
1520 01:05:21 Oh, I'm like in this now.Okay.
1521 01:05:25 Ooh!
1522 01:05:29 Emily! The doctor saidhe could get us to Bogota.
1523 01:05:32 That is amazing.
1524 01:05:34 Oh, my God!
1525 01:05:35 Okay. Do I havea couple minutes?
1526 01:05:36 'Cause I'm kinda helping...
1527 01:05:38 Helping out the ladies.
1528 01:05:44 Thank you.
1529 01:05:46 Come here, you knowI got you, girl
1530 01:05:50 Look at you helping.
1531 01:05:54 Yeah, I am helpful.
1532 01:05:56 Honey, you know, whenI said that, I didn't mean...
1533 01:05:58 What?
1534 01:05:59 That I'm selfishor that I'm worthless?
1535 01:06:02 Which part of our fight?
1536 01:06:03 Emily, come on.I didn't mean that.
1537 01:06:05 It's fine.I know how you see me.
1538 01:06:11 Yeah? Okay.
1539 01:06:14 Oh, God.
1540 01:06:15 Shit, shit, shit, shit.
1541 01:06:18 Shit, shit, shit!
1542 01:06:21 There's some very bad menlooking for you.
1543 01:06:22 They have guns.
1544 01:06:23 They've blocked the mainentrance. It's really bad.
1545 01:06:25 We're fucked!
1546 01:06:26 No, nobody's being fucked,okay? I got an idea.
1547 01:06:29 I got an idea.Go, I'll stall them.
1548 01:06:31 Go, go, go.Yeah?
1549 01:06:45 Honey, get in here!
1550 01:06:47 This won't hold both of us.I'm too heavy.
1551 01:06:49 No, you're perfect.
1552 01:06:51 You're just perfect.
1553 01:06:53 Okay, hold on tight.
1554 01:06:55 And, remember,when you get down there,
1555 01:06:56 get to the embassy.
1556 01:06:57 No, Mom!I want to stay with you!
1557 01:06:59 Mom!
1558 01:07:01 Mom!
1559 01:07:02 Everything's gonna be okay.
1560 01:07:05 I love you!
1561 01:07:22 Oh.
1562 01:07:56 Hello.
1563 01:07:58 Emily.
1564 01:08:00 Hi.Hi.
1565 01:08:02 We were able to get your itemssent over from the hotel.
1566 01:08:05 Any updates on my mom?
1567 01:08:06 Oh, I'm sorry.There's nothing yet.
1568 01:08:08 But we are gonna get you
1569 01:08:10 an escortto the airfield base...
1570 01:08:12 And then someone willget you home from there.
1571 01:08:14 I'm not doing that.
1572 01:08:16 I'm not going anywherewithout my mother.
1573 01:08:19 Can I be candid with you?
1574 01:08:20 Yeah. What?
1575 01:08:21 It's my third day.
1576 01:08:23 And I guess everybodytakes off on Fridays,
1577 01:08:26 but they didn't tell me
1578 01:08:27 because it's my third day.
1579 01:08:30 So if you could justtake your box and go.
1580 01:08:33 I don't knowwhat you're talking about.
1581 01:08:34 I just need to find my mother.
1582 01:08:35 That's why I'm here.
1583 01:08:37 The only reason my mothereven came on this trip
1584 01:08:39 is because I made her.Because I am selfish.
1585 01:08:42 And I need helpfinding her right now,
1586 01:08:44 and I need you to be the guythat helps me.
1587 01:08:46 Come on, man.Be that guy.
1588 01:08:49 Who's the guy?
1589 01:08:50 Not me!
1590 01:08:51 It isn't.It's never been.
1591 01:08:53 I'd love to be the guy whosweeps you off your feet
1592 01:08:55 and is your heroand can save your mother
1593 01:08:57 and take care of youand maybe we hook up.
1594 01:08:59 I don't know.Wait, what?
1595 01:09:01 But I'm just sayingthat I am not that dude.
1596 01:09:04 So I need you to be that girl
1597 01:09:07 who just takes your boxand walks outta this office
1598 01:09:10 before you drawany more attention
1599 01:09:12 to the fact that I don'tknow what I'm doing.
1600 01:09:13 Can I just use your phone?
1601 01:09:15 Can you be the guythat lets me use his phone?
1602 01:09:18 Yes. See? That I can do.
1603 01:09:21 Come on.
1604 01:09:29 I haven't been trainedon the phone system.
1605 01:09:30 Oh, my God!
1606 01:09:39 Hello, Morgan.
1607 01:09:40 Hell, no.
1608 01:09:41 Choose your next movecarefully, brother.
1609 01:09:45 Wait! No, no, no!
1610 01:09:47 Don't touch me.Security!
1611 01:09:48 Purell! Put on Purell!
1612 01:09:49 I fucking hate germs.
1613 01:09:50 Fucking shit! Let mehave my day in court.
1614 01:09:54 All right, wait, wait, wait!
1615 01:09:56 Morgan, I'm a middle-aged manwho never leaves the house.
1616 01:10:00 All I have in this worldis my mama and my sister.
1617 01:10:03 And if something happens to them
1618 01:10:05 then all I'll have is you.
1619 01:10:07 And I'm telling you right now
1620 01:10:10 I'm fucking annoying.
1621 01:10:12 I've read allthe Game of Thrones books.
1622 01:10:14 I'll text you spoilers.
1623 01:10:15 Please.
1624 01:10:17 I don'twant to go to an orphanage.
1625 01:10:18 I can't be an orphan.
1626 01:10:20 I need my mama!
1627 01:10:22 Help me find my mama!
1628 01:10:24 Thank you so much for answering.
1629 01:10:25 I didn't know who else to call.
1630 01:10:27 I'm all alone.
1631 01:10:28 The guy I dealt withat the embassy was insane.
1632 01:10:29 Emily, we're gonnaget you through this.
1633 01:10:32 But Barb wants meto let you know one thing.
1634 01:10:34 She refuses to usesexual humiliation
1635 01:10:37 as an interrogation technique.
1636 01:10:39 What are you talking about?
1637 01:10:40 Fine! She'll use it.
1638 01:10:41 I don't care what she does.Just can you help me?
1639 01:10:44 Meet us atthe Presidente Apartments
1640 01:10:46 at 19 hours.
1641 01:10:47 We're trying to useher cell signal
1642 01:10:48 to narrow down their location.
1643 01:10:49 Colombian military is settingup a couple stingrays
1644 01:10:51 in the region now.
1645 01:10:52 We can have a unit readyto go in by tomorrow.
1646 01:10:54 Well, we got a big problem
1647 01:10:55 'cause that unit neededto be there yesterday.
1648 01:10:57 I told you to shut the fuck up!
1649 01:11:00 Okay.
1650 01:11:02 Go ahead, solider.
1651 01:11:03 We've got reportscoming in that puts them
1652 01:11:05 about 50 milesoutside of Bogota.
1653 01:11:06 Yeah, that'sMorgado territory all right.
1654 01:11:08 Who's Morgado?
1655 01:11:10 Let's just say he's noneof your goddamn business.
1656 01:11:12 - Let me come with you.- No!
1657 01:11:13 Please!Absolutely not!
1658 01:11:15 I'll translate.You speak Spanish?
1659 01:11:17 I speak Dothraki.
1660 01:11:18 I speak Klingon.
1661 01:11:19 You speak Klingon?
1662 01:11:23 Nope.
1663 01:11:24 Know what that means?It doesn't mean anything.
1664 01:11:25 I'm coming with.You're not going anywhere.
1665 01:11:27 I think I see them right there.Is that them?
1666 01:11:29 Little specks there?
1667 01:11:30 Zoom in. Enhance.
1668 01:11:32 You know, why don'tyou wait outside.
1669 01:11:33 Go, go in the hallway.
1670 01:11:34 Fuck!
1671 01:11:35 Nerd. He's a nerd.
1672 01:11:37 So what's the plan?
1673 01:11:38 We have someone here I thinkyou're gonna want to see.
1674 01:11:44 James?
1675 01:11:46 - Oh, my God.- What's going on?
1676 01:11:47 Thank fuck. Emily. Listen,you've gotta help me, please.
1677 01:11:49 We found him sitting at the bar,
1678 01:11:51 chatting up anotherpretty young girl.
1679 01:11:53 It's a scam, Emily.
1680 01:11:54 Yeah, so Barb waitedfor him outside
1681 01:11:57 smacked him in the back of thehead, threw him in the car
1682 01:12:00 and here we are.
1683 01:12:01 It's not a scam.These women are crazy.
1684 01:12:03 This whole fucking thingis insane.
1685 01:12:05 Crazy?
1686 01:12:06 Oh, you wanna know crazy?
1687 01:12:08 You remembermy platonic friend, Barb?
1688 01:12:11 Oh, Barb!
1689 01:12:15 We were supposed to goto the Arizona Gem Show
1690 01:12:18 but instead, I'm here,fucking with you.
1691 01:12:23 You should know that Barbspent her life in special ops.
1692 01:12:28 Not that bullshit regular ops.
1693 01:12:30 She's retired now
1694 01:12:32 so she doesn't have her toolkit.
1695 01:12:34 But she was able toimprovise a few things.
1696 01:12:36 Which, I'm pretty sure,
1697 01:12:38 will all be appliedto your dick hole area.
1698 01:12:42 Esmeraldas!She's in Esmeraldas.
1699 01:12:45 It's, like,an hour's drive from here.
1700 01:12:46 We got a real Chatty Cathy here.
1701 01:12:48 Give me a map. I can mark iton the map for you.
1702 01:12:50 Write it down.
1703 01:12:51 You want to start here...
1704 01:12:53 Barb is really upsetabout this. She had plans.
1705 01:12:56 Now this doesn't alwaysshow up on Waze
1706 01:12:59 but you be sure to take that one
1707 01:13:01 because it's the quickest route
1708 01:13:02 if you want to avoid traffic.
1709 01:13:03 Okay.
1710 01:13:05 Okay, let's go.Listen, Emily.
1711 01:13:07 Be sure you check all the rooms.
1712 01:13:09 She'll probably be heldon the third floor.
1713 01:13:10 One of the rooms in the back.
1714 01:13:12 Do you have any loyaltyto the people who hired you?
1715 01:13:15 Hey, Emily, can I justsay, as well, you...
1716 01:13:18 Fuck, you look great.
1717 01:13:20 Thank you.I got a tapeworm.
1718 01:13:22 Well, it's working for you.
1719 01:13:23 Hey, listen!Are we, uh...
1720 01:13:25 Am I ever going tosee you again?
1721 01:13:27 Well, I don't know.
1722 01:13:28 I guess if you're, like,in New York,
1723 01:13:30 we could get a drink.
1724 01:13:33 In your wet dreams,motherfucker.
1725 01:13:44 ♪ I had this bad bitch Uptown,she was whoa!
1726 01:13:46 ♪ Had me fucked up in the headI mean, whoa!
1727 01:13:49 ♪ Bought the bitch diamondsAnd pearls, I mean, whoa!
1728 01:13:51 ♪ Shoulda seen them shitsshinnin' on her wrist, whoa ♪
1729 01:13:55 Be super quiet.
1730 01:13:57 You havearrived at your destination.
1731 01:13:59 Fix it!
1732 01:14:03 Let's go get your mom.
1733 01:14:37 Just walk.Huh?
1734 01:14:45 OW!
1735 01:14:56 Shh! Okay.
1736 01:14:57 We're all gonna jump down there,
1737 01:14:59 sneak past those guys
1738 01:15:00 and get your mom.
1739 01:15:01 Okay.
1740 01:15:59 Fuck, fuck, fuck
1741 01:16:30 Oh, honey!
1742 01:16:31 I made a shiv.
1743 01:16:34 You're alive.
1744 01:16:36 Oh, my God, Mom.
1745 01:16:37 I'm so sorryI got you into all of this.
1746 01:16:40 I should have justlistened to you.
1747 01:16:41 I should have listened to you.
1748 01:16:43 That's okay.
1749 01:16:44 You're always there.If I'm sad or lonely.
1750 01:16:47 And it's 3:00 in themorning, I call
1751 01:16:50 and you answer.
1752 01:16:52 You always answer.
1753 01:16:54 I know, I know.
1754 01:16:55 You're that person for me, Mom.
1755 01:16:57 Okay, honey.
1756 01:16:59 I'm so sorry.
1757 01:17:01 I love you.
1758 01:17:04 Honey, this isa really long hug.
1759 01:17:07 Can we have justone more second?
1760 01:17:09 I really thought you were dead.
1761 01:17:11 This is great,
1762 01:17:12 but we really got to getthe fuck out of here.
1763 01:17:13 Okay, Okay-
1764 01:17:24 Okay, okay.
1765 01:17:39 Okay.
1766 01:17:42 The car's over here.
1767 01:17:44 - Oh, my God.- Are you okay?
1768 01:17:46 No.
1769 01:17:51 Oh, my God!
1770 01:17:53 Put up the window.
1771 01:17:54 Do you have some cyanidewe could take, or something?
1772 01:17:56 Oh, my God!Hurry up! Hurry up!
1773 01:17:58 Oh, my God!
1774 01:18:00 Oh, my God.
1775 01:18:03 It doesn't hurt too much,but roll it down.
1776 01:18:05 No.
1777 01:18:06 Roll it down, pendeja.No!
1778 01:18:08 Push the fucking button.
1779 01:18:09 I can't, pendeja.It's broken.
1780 01:18:11 It's broken?
1781 01:18:12 Yeah, sorry. Goodbye.
1782 01:18:18 Hi!
1783 01:18:19 No! No! No!
1784 01:18:20 No! No!
1785 01:18:22 No!
1786 01:18:28 No!
1787 01:18:29 Now, I'm gonna kill you.
1788 01:18:31 Don't touch my daughter!
1789 01:18:41 Don't move!
1790 01:18:45 Now what?
1791 01:18:47 Do you wanna dance?
1792 01:18:53 Yes!
1793 01:18:54 Nice kick, malparida.
1794 01:18:56 Nice kick.
1795 01:18:58 Now
1796 01:18:59 let me show you my dance.
1797 01:19:03 Oh, my God.
1798 01:19:19 Ugh! Okay.
1799 01:19:20 I beg you.Don't shoot me.
1800 01:19:23 You fucked withthe wrong bitches.
1801 01:19:25 Yeah, you did.
1802 01:19:27 Kill him, Mom.No. I can't.
1803 01:19:29 This is a mom thing.
1804 01:19:30 No, this isn't a mom thing.You got this.
1805 01:19:32 - It's not what I do well.- I don't do it well.
1806 01:19:34 You did it before.
1807 01:19:35 Those were accidental.
1808 01:19:36 I can't hold it anymore.
1809 01:19:38 Okay, here I go.Go!
1810 01:19:40 I'm gonna count down,I'm gonna do it.
1811 01:19:41 Please. Please.
1812 01:19:42 100...
1813 01:19:44 99...
1814 01:19:53 Oh, fuck!
1815 01:19:54 Oh, thank God!
1816 01:19:55 Come on. Kill me.
1817 01:19:56 Now I'm getting the confidence.
1818 01:19:58 Give me that thing.Oh, okay.
1819 01:19:59 No, I can't do that.I just got excited.
1820 01:20:01 Don't move!
1821 01:20:09 I will kill you.
1822 01:20:12 Very rude!Very rude!
1823 01:20:21 Here we go.Moving in hot.
1824 01:20:24 This is what we trained for.You, on the roof.
1825 01:20:26 You, on the roof.
1826 01:20:27 You, also on the roof.Everyone on the roof.
1827 01:20:30 I know you're scared...
1828 01:20:31 Again, shut the fuck up, man!
1829 01:20:34 Okay?Okay,
1830 01:20:36 Jeffrey.What?
1831 01:20:38 Jeffrey!
1832 01:20:39 Mama...
1833 01:20:41 Mama! Mama!
1834 01:20:44 Mama!
1835 01:20:46 Mama!
1836 01:20:59 I missed you.
1837 01:21:00 Oh, my God!I'm so happy to see you.
1838 01:21:03 I left the house.
1839 01:21:05 You left the house.
1840 01:21:06 I made all these men come...
1841 01:21:07 What?Oh!
1842 01:21:09 Here! I made them come hereto get you.
1843 01:21:12 I missed you!I missed you, too!
1844 01:21:14 Hey. Agent Russell.
1845 01:21:16 Let me take that from you.
1846 01:21:18 Good job with Morgado.
1847 01:21:19 We've been looking for himfor a while.
1848 01:21:21 Oh, my God.He's so mean.
1849 01:21:23 Anyway, your brotherreally cares about you.
1850 01:21:25 Mama!
1851 01:21:27 He's a real bummer.
1852 01:21:28 Oh, yeah. The worst.
1853 01:21:30 Yep. Awful.Full agreement.
1854 01:21:32 Morgan. Morgan!
1855 01:21:34 What?
1856 01:21:37 Thank you.
1857 01:21:43 You're the best!
1858 01:21:45 You're the best!Thank you for your help.
1859 01:21:50 I wanna go home so fucking bad.
1860 01:21:52 I'm so hungry.I'm so hungry.
1861 01:22:13 Let's get the fuck out of here!
1862 01:22:38 Can I have just whatevereveryone is drinking?
1863 01:22:41 Just, like,your signature thing.
1864 01:22:42 Yeah.
1865 01:22:47 Hi.
1866 01:22:49 HEY-
1867 01:22:51 What brings you down here?
1868 01:22:53 Oh, uh...
1869 01:22:54 I'm actually volunteering.
1870 01:22:55 That's awesome.
1871 01:22:57 Yeah, it's really fun.
1872 01:22:58 Can I get you a drink?
1873 01:23:00 Uh...
1874 01:23:02 I'm kind of here with somebody.
1875 01:23:04 Oh.
1876 01:23:05 Honey!Hi, Mom!
1877 01:23:06 Oh, God, this is so fun!
1878 01:23:08 Isn't it?I know.
1879 01:23:09 Okay, so anyway, I met thisfascinating woman over there.
1880 01:23:12 And she's gonna take usto her home
1881 01:23:14 and she's gonna teach ushow to make murtabak.
1882 01:23:15 What is that?It's a stuffed pancake.
1883 01:23:17 Awesome!
1884 01:23:19 I'm gonna go make a requestbecause I want to dance.
1885 01:23:21 Oh, I love you.
1886 01:23:22 I love you.
1887 01:23:26 You're here with your mother.
1888 01:23:27 Yeah.
1889 01:23:29 Why?
1890 01:23:31 Um...
1891 01:23:40 She's fucking awesome.
1892 01:23:44 That's really sweet.
1893 01:23:47 Her tit is out.
1894 01:23:48 Wait, what?
1895 01:23:49 Oh, Mom!
1896 01:23:54 ♪ Oh, dancing with myself
1897 01:23:56 ♪ Well there's nothing to loseAnd there's nothing to prove
1898 01:23:59 ♪ I'll be dancing with myself
1899 01:24:05 ♪ If I looked allover the world
1900 01:24:07 ♪ And there's everytype of girl
1901 01:24:10 ♪ But your empty eyesSeem to pass me by
1902 01:24:13 ♪ Leave me dancing with myself
1903 01:24:15 ♪ So let's sink another drink
1904 01:24:18 ♪ 'Cause it'll give metime to think
1905 01:24:21 ♪ If I had the chanceI'd ask the world to dance
1906 01:24:23 ♪ And I'll be dancingwith myself
1907 01:24:26 ♪ Oh, dancing with myselfOh, oh, dancing with myself
1908 01:24:32 ♪ Well there's nothing to loseAnd there's nothing to prove
1909 01:24:34 ♪ I'll be dancing with myself
1910 01:24:39 ♪ Oh, oh, oh
1911 01:24:42 ♪ Oh, oh, oh
1912 01:24:44 ♪ Oh, oh, oh
1913 01:25:10 ♪ If I looked allover the world
1914 01:25:12 ♪ And there'severy type of girl
1915 01:25:15 ♪ But your empty eyesSeem to pass me by ♪
1916 01:25:18 Mama!
1917 01:25:20 ♪ So let's sink another drink
1918 01:25:23 ♪ 'Cause it'll give metime to think
1919 01:25:26 ♪ If I had the chanceI'd ask the world to dance
1920 01:25:29 ♪ And I'll be dancingwith myself
1921 01:25:31 ♪ Oh, oh, dancing with myselfOh, oh, dancing with myself
1922 01:25:37 ♪ If I had the chanceI'd ask the world to dance
1923 01:25:47 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪