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1 00:00:48 It's okay,you're gonna love it!
2 00:00:52 Happy first day of school.
3 00:00:56 Bye, sweetie.
4 00:00:58 Hi!Hi.
5 00:01:01 Hey, I'm Sam.
6 00:01:02 Hi, I'm Julie.
7 00:01:06 - Bye!- Bye, Mom!
8 00:01:10 I'm Hunter.
9 00:01:11 Sam's mine, right there.The one with the glasses.
10 00:01:14 I'm Lisa.That's my Julie.
11 00:01:17 I'm Mitchell.
12 00:01:20 Kayla's hero.
13 00:01:22 Oh. Are you okay?Yeah, yeah.
14 00:01:24 You crying?
15 00:01:26 No, man.It's a big day, that's all.
16 00:01:28 You know, can I havea tissue, please?
17 00:01:29 Yeah, yeah.Thank you.
18 00:01:30 It's a big day for all of us.Yeah.
19 00:01:32 Thanks.
20 00:01:36 I think our daughtersare friends.
21 00:01:39 And I think that meanswe're friends.
22 00:01:44 Should we go get a drink?
23 00:01:47 You okay? Yeah.Yeah.
24 00:01:49 Do you guys wannago get a drink?
25 00:01:52 Ah, they made it.
26 00:01:54 You guys wanna gograb a drink real quick?
27 00:01:55 Is he asking us if we wannago grab a drink?
28 00:01:57 I'm really hopingit's coffee.
29 00:02:09 Shut the fuck up!
30 00:02:12 Happy Halloween!
31 00:02:14 Assalam!
32 00:02:16 I can see Russiafrom my house!
33 00:02:25 That's right!Right here! Whoo!
34 00:02:29 Hey, hey...
35 00:02:34 Put your seatbelts on!
36 00:02:40 Surprise!
37 00:02:47 Careful!
38 00:03:17 You're probably gonna miss thesemornings that we spend together, right?
39 00:03:21 Stop.
40 00:03:22 You're gonna make me cry, and I don'twanna cry because it's prom night.
41 00:03:25 It's supposed to be like themost magical night of your life,
42 00:03:27 and, you know, I'm justso anxious aboutfl.
43 00:03:30 Well, call meif you feel anxious.
44 00:03:34 Or maybe FaceTime me,if it wasn't too loud.
45 00:03:36 If it was too loud, you could just...We could wave or whatever.
46 00:03:40 That'd be funny.
47 00:03:41 And then, loan...
48 00:03:43 You knowwhat I was thinking?
49 00:03:44 You should send me photosthroughout the night.
50 00:03:47 Not like all night long, but if youcould do it every 30 minutes or so
51 00:03:52 then I can put togetherone of those iBooks.
52 00:03:54 That would be so fun.Yeah.
53 00:03:55 That would be a really... I don'tthink you would regret that.
54 00:03:58 Hmm.
55 00:04:00 Mom?Mmm-hmm.
56 00:04:02 Are you gonna be okaywhen I go to college?
57 00:04:05 Who, me?Yeah.
58 00:04:07 Me'?
59 00:04:11 What?
60 00:04:12 Please. Don't evenget me...
61 00:04:15 Don't even...
62 00:04:18 Please!
63 00:04:24 Okay, bye, Mom!
64 00:04:25 Okay, bye!
65 00:04:26 I love you!Okay, I love you.
66 00:04:35 Oh, good,you did the laundry.
67 00:04:37 Yeah, and got a totallysleepy, happy baby.
68 00:04:40 Full-blown renaissance man.
69 00:04:42 Oh!Beheveit
70 00:04:44 It's a good thingshe's asleep, too.
71 00:04:45 I was goingthrough the laundry.
72 00:04:46 Uh-huh.Found these new thongs.
73 00:04:48 You know what I'm gonnado with these?
74 00:04:51 "Paging Dr. Muff Diver.Dr. Muff Diver,
75 00:04:53 "you're needed in the ORimmediately, emergency surgery."
76 00:04:56 Later on tonight, I'm tearingthese off with my teeth
77 00:04:58 like an old-schoolcartoon billy goat.
78 00:05:00 Honey. Mitchell.
79 00:05:05 Those are your daughter's.
80 00:05:08 No way. Kayla wearscleats and Bears jerseys,
81 00:05:09 not some dirty stripperundenuean
82 00:05:11 You thought they were mine.
83 00:05:12 What am I, giving herallowance in singles?
84 00:05:14 Go tell hershe can't wear these.
85 00:05:15 Tell herthey'll make her sterile,
86 00:05:17 like with the laptopand my brother's balls.
87 00:05:18 We're not sure that's whathappened with your brother.
88 00:05:20 Honey, you're beingridiculous.
89 00:05:22 Kayla's becoming a woman.
90 00:05:24 This isn't the time to tighten your grip.It's the time to loosen it.
91 00:05:27 This? This meanswe tighten the grip.
92 00:05:28 This isn't built for comfort,it's built for speed.
93 00:05:31 We need to slow herthe fuck down.
94 00:05:33 The appliances go inafter the backsplash.
95 00:05:35 We've done itthe same way every time.
96 00:05:40 Uh-huh. All right,put him on the phone.
97 00:05:44 I'm in the bathroom.
98 00:06:08 Thanks,I was looking for that.
99 00:06:12 You mind telling mewhat this is?
100 00:06:13 Uh, fuzz.Yeah.
101 00:06:15 Yeah, fuzz.
102 00:06:17 It's what I thought it was andthen on further investigation,
103 00:06:19 it is clearly an unraveledfilter of a cigarette.
104 00:06:21 Kayla, are you a smoker?
105 00:06:23 What? No.
106 00:06:25 I'm not a smoker, Dad.
107 00:06:27 Hey, haven't you seen the billions ofads that tell you not to do this stuff?
108 00:06:31 Dad! You can't teach someonenot to try things. Okay?
109 00:06:33 That's what trying thingsis for. To teach you things.
110 00:06:36 It's a contradiction.
111 00:06:37 It's like telling me not to go fora triple on a base hit to the gap
112 00:06:41 when I've madea good turn around first
113 00:06:42 and I know that the rightfielder has a weak arm.
114 00:06:47 Damn it, you're smart.
115 00:06:48 Okay. Yeah. All right. Timeto get ready for school, Dad.
116 00:06:51 Okay, all right.
117 00:06:53 Julie! Sam!
118 00:06:55 Hey, girl!
119 00:06:56 Whoa!
120 00:06:59 I almost died.
121 00:07:00 Prom night!
122 00:07:03 I'm so, so excited!
123 00:07:05 Me, too.
124 00:07:10 Mmm. I love you.
125 00:07:12 I love you, too.
126 00:07:14 All right.
127 00:07:15 We're so gross.I know.
128 00:07:16 People are looking at us.I don't care.
129 00:07:18 We better get "CutestCouple" in the yearbook.
130 00:07:31 I'm having sex.
131 00:07:33 - That's great!- I'm having soup.
132 00:07:36 No. Tonight.
133 00:07:38 With Austin.
134 00:07:39 Wait, you're finally gonna do it?Yeah.
135 00:07:41 I mean, you know, we've been datingfor six months and we love each other
136 00:07:45 and I just awkwardly got my pediatricianto put me on birth control.
137 00:07:48 But she gave mea sticker.
138 00:07:50 Two becauseI was good, so...
139 00:07:52 I know it's kind of corny or whateverbut it just seems like prom night,
140 00:07:57 it's kind of perfect,you know?
141 00:07:58 We're gonna have,like, dim lighting
142 00:08:01 and rose petals on the bed
143 00:08:03 and the scent from that candlethat gets me horny
144 00:08:05 every time I pass itin Walgreens.
145 00:08:07 All candles get me horny.
146 00:08:08 I'm gonnalook into Austin's eyes
147 00:08:10 and then he's gonnalook into mine
148 00:08:13 and then we're gonna toucheach other's faces, you know?
149 00:08:16 For, like, a long time.
150 00:08:18 Like, a long time.
151 00:08:20 Just to, like, connect.And then we're gonna...
152 00:08:24 Ka pow.
153 00:08:27 All right, fuck it, I'm in.
154 00:08:29 - What?- I'm in.
155 00:08:30 I'm having sex tonight, too.
156 00:08:31 Uh...Just like that?
157 00:08:33 Yeah. I mean, why not?
158 00:08:34 Because it's your first time
159 00:08:35 and your first time should bespecial and perfect.
160 00:08:38 Yours can be specialand perfect.
161 00:08:40 Mine is gonna be tonight,and with that dude.
162 00:08:44 They're just brownies,they're not, like...
163 00:08:45 Connor Aldrich?Your lab partner?
164 00:08:48 Yeah. What? You haven'teven hooked up with him.
165 00:08:50 You haven't even seen his thing yet.What if he has a weird one?
166 00:08:52 They're all weird.
167 00:08:54 Penises are not for lookingat, they're for use.
168 00:08:56 They're like plungers. Listen,
169 00:08:58 my student athlete daysare over.
170 00:08:59 Tonight is the beginningof my adult life
171 00:09:02 and for the first timeI can do whatever I want.
172 00:09:04 So I wanna go to prom, get drunk,get potted up on weed
173 00:09:08 andlosemy goddamn virginity.
174 00:09:09 We're gonna have the samefirst-time sex anniversary.
175 00:09:11 We can go to dinner every yearand commemorate it.
176 00:09:13 Olive Garden.Yes! Olive Garden.
177 00:09:15 Breadsticks for life, bitch!
178 00:09:17 Oh, my God! It is gonnabe such a relief
179 00:09:20 to get this over and donewith before college.
180 00:09:24 Um...
181 00:09:25 No, I mean, like...No, it's cool.
182 00:09:27 I just don't thinkI'm there yet.
183 00:09:29 You know, maybe something mighthappen tonight with me and Chad,
184 00:09:32 but I don't think sexis gonna be that thing.
185 00:09:45 Sam?
186 00:09:49 But you never knowwhat could happen.
187 00:09:51 I mean, maybe my inner sexualSmaug will emerge from its keep
188 00:09:54 and spread its mighty wings.
189 00:09:58 I never knowwhat you're talking about.
190 00:10:00 Yeah, me neither.
191 00:10:11 Oh...
192 00:10:25 Julie, is that you?
193 00:10:35 So realistic.
194 00:10:40 Ugh.
195 00:10:45 Come on, Sam,we're waiting.
196 00:10:47 Be right there!
197 00:10:50 All right.There she is.
198 00:10:51 Took me 20 minutes to figure outhow to do video on this thing
199 00:10:53 but I finally got it.
200 00:10:54 Nope.
201 00:10:56 I took a picture of myself.
202 00:10:57 Siri, video, please.
203 00:10:59 Wow! That Chad is going to ripthrough his little tuxedo pants.
204 00:11:03 Mom!What?
205 00:11:05 That's gross.Why?
206 00:11:06 Because you're practically imaginingyour daughter in sexual congress.
207 00:11:09 You sicko.
208 00:11:13 I was just trying to connect with you.You never talk to us anymore.
209 00:11:16 Hey, I got this.
210 00:11:18 Okay.
211 00:11:23 Prom night, huh?
212 00:11:25 I got sad and reflectiveon my prom night, too.
213 00:11:27 You were?Yeah.
214 00:11:28 I was scared I wasn'tgonna stay friends
215 00:11:30 with the guys I had beenaround most of my life.
216 00:11:32 But I was able to...
217 00:11:33 Hey, baby, I love you so much.You just really freaked her out.
218 00:11:36 Sweetie, if you're worried about thatat all, just know you shouldn't be.
219 00:11:40 You never stay friendswith people from high school.
220 00:11:43 I mean, the oldest friendI have is Jan from work
221 00:11:45 and I've known herfor three months.
222 00:11:46 Who's Jan?
223 00:11:47 You know Jan, babe. Shedraws those silly cartoons.
224 00:11:50 Oh, racist Jan.
225 00:11:51 Yeah, that's the one.
226 00:11:52 Who you are today
227 00:11:53 is not who you're going to be.And that's okay.
228 00:11:57 That's good therapy.And who you become will be
229 00:11:59 so different that your friendswon't understand you anymore
230 00:12:02 and then you will wake upand realize
231 00:12:04 these friendships are over. Thisfeels like a very painful divorce,
232 00:12:07 just like the one I hadwith your father,
233 00:12:09 but then you'll find a Frank.
234 00:12:11 Uh, I appreciate that,but that's not my deal.
235 00:12:14 I'm still cool with a lot ofmy boys because on prom night,
236 00:12:17 me, Dennis, Matt, and Cory all convincedour friend Steve to join the Army.
237 00:12:23 He foughtin the Persian Gulf War.
238 00:12:25 He died right away.
239 00:12:27 But once you gothrough something like that,
240 00:12:30 you're bonded for life.
241 00:12:32 The bedrock of deep meaningfulfriendships is shared experience.
242 00:12:37 I thought they were gonnaput him in the Reserves.
243 00:12:45 That is some horseshit.
244 00:12:51 Hmm.
245 00:13:00 Wow.
246 00:13:01 You look so beautiful!
247 00:13:03 Turn around.
248 00:13:07 Wow.
249 00:13:10 Oh, my goodness.
250 00:13:12 Wow.
251 00:13:13 So what's the big planfor after prom?
252 00:13:16 Uh, we're justgoing to Austin's.
253 00:13:18 You really like him, huh?
254 00:13:20 Yeah. Yeah, I mean... Yeah, he's cool.It's not like serious or anything.
255 00:13:23 His mom told mehe got into UCLA.
256 00:13:25 That's nice.
257 00:13:27 Yeah, I mean, it's good.
258 00:13:29 You remember that time when, like,I thought about going to UCLA?
259 00:13:32 Yes.
260 00:13:34 That would've been crazy. Thatwould've been the worst mistake ever.
261 00:13:37 I don't think it would've beenthat huge of a mistake.
262 00:13:39 Uh,yes,it would have.
263 00:13:42 University of Chicago is perfect.It's 45 minutes away.
264 00:13:46 So that way you're gonebut you're not gone, gone.
265 00:13:51 But I'm gone.
266 00:13:52 Right. But not, like, gone.
267 00:13:54 Right, but, like,I'm going to college
268 00:13:56 and, like, I'm not gonna live at home.So I'm, like, I'm gone.
269 00:14:00 Mmm-hmm.
270 00:14:02 Why are my boobs so big?
271 00:14:05 Ready, Kayla?
272 00:14:06 Yep.
273 00:14:09 And now, standing at 5' 7",
274 00:14:12 5' 9" if you count the heels,
275 00:14:14 straight out of Great Lakes High School,the prettiest girl in all of prom,
276 00:14:18 Kayla Mannes.
277 00:14:23 Oh.
278 00:14:24 Just high-fives from now on.
279 00:14:26 Okay.
280 00:14:28 Oh, honey, I never thoughtI'd see you in a dress!
281 00:14:29 Technicallyit's not a full dress.
282 00:14:31 Some material is missingfrom the middle there.
283 00:14:33 Okay.
284 00:14:34 You look great.
285 00:14:35 All right, yeah,I think it's time to go.
286 00:14:37 Yes. Yeah. Honey,we gotta go.
287 00:14:41 Honey?
288 00:14:42 Dad, are you okay?
289 00:14:44 It's like whenhe watched Frozen.
290 00:14:47 Come on.
291 00:14:50 Hi, how are you?
292 00:14:51 Hi!Hi! How are you?
293 00:14:53 Hi, Marcie.
294 00:14:55 Oh. Uh-huh.
295 00:14:57 Hey!Hey, Mitchell.
296 00:14:58 Haven't seen you in a while.Yeah.
297 00:14:59 You know, I was worried when I neverheard back from you about hot yoga.
298 00:15:02 Called you a bunch of times. I ended uphaving to eat that two-for-one Groupon.
299 00:15:05 Oh, yeah, I don't reallydo the hot-yoga thing.
300 00:15:08 We should catch up, though,right?
301 00:15:10 Yeah.Like a lunch, I don't know.
302 00:15:11 Yeah, maybe. Yeah.Give me a call.
303 00:15:13 I've been calling you.Mmm-hmm.
304 00:15:15 It doesn't work.
305 00:15:16 It's not effective.
306 00:15:33 I don't even know!Wait, you guys.
307 00:15:36 Wait, this is, like, the bestlighting with the Valencia filter...
308 00:15:38 Oh, God. All right.Here we go.
309 00:15:41 Yeah, okay. That's enough.
310 00:15:42 One more.We're good.
311 00:15:43 Oh, my God, we need toget this party started.
312 00:15:45 Ooh, okay, Julie.Hmm.
313 00:15:47 I got you something.
314 00:15:49 It's coconut oil.
315 00:15:51 For lube.
316 00:15:52 I hear it works just as well and itmakes blowjobs taste like Almond Joy.
317 00:15:55 Thank God it doesn'ttaste like Mounds.
318 00:15:58 I'd rather eat 10 dicksthan one Mound.
319 00:16:00 Thank you. That's so sweet!
320 00:16:04 Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
321 00:16:05 Me, too. You have to text me,like, right away.
322 00:16:07 Oh, my God, we're gonna bedoing it at the same time.
323 00:16:09 Oh, my God. We haveto talk about it tomorrow.
324 00:16:11 Yeah. You're gonna knowevery detail.
325 00:16:12 There's gonna be so much to talk...Guys? Hey, guys!
326 00:16:16 I want in on this sex pact.
327 00:16:18 Are you sure? You don't have todo this just because we are.
328 00:16:21 No, that's not why.
329 00:16:23 I want to have sex.
330 00:16:25 Yeah. That's something allthree of us have in common.
331 00:16:28 Mmm-hmm. Chad is gonna tapthat ass with his penis
332 00:16:34 and I doubt we'll have analthe first time, but...
333 00:16:38 All right!
334 00:16:39 This is gonna make tonighteven more perfect.
335 00:16:40 Yeah.It's gonna be the three of us!
336 00:16:41 Yes!
337 00:16:43 Prom night,motherfuckers!
338 00:16:45 Yeah!
339 00:16:48 Whoo!
340 00:16:49 Rudy, it's coming up.Turn left, bro.
341 00:16:51 Jesus, Rudy!What the fuck?
342 00:16:55 Oh, my God.It's my fucking dad.
343 00:17:04 Yeah! Prom night,bflchesl
344 00:17:09 Whoo-hoo!
345 00:17:11 Oh, God, it's him.Arms up. Yo!
346 00:17:14 We gonna lightit up like it's prom night
347 00:17:19 Taio Cruz.
348 00:17:20 Like it's prom night
349 00:17:22 You got this, girl.
350 00:17:23 Don't mess this up becausethat limo is totally awesome.
351 00:17:27 Sam!Sam!
352 00:17:30 Taio Cruz. Whoo.
353 00:17:35 Sorry.
354 00:17:36 30W. on!
355 00:17:38 Whoo.
356 00:17:47 You're so grown up!
357 00:17:49 Dad, what are you doing here?
358 00:17:51 You think I'm gonna miss the mostimportant night of your young lfie?
359 00:17:55 That's graduation.
360 00:17:56 No. Graduation's for losers.
361 00:17:58 I didn't even goto my graduation.
362 00:18:00 But prom night,that's a big one.
363 00:18:02 Prom was the best nightof my life.
364 00:18:04 I think about it every day
365 00:18:06 and I want you to havethe same experience.
366 00:18:08 Tonight you have fun,
367 00:18:09 you don't worry about any rulesthat your mom or Frank laid down.
368 00:18:13 No one givesa fuck about Frank.
369 00:18:14 All I know is this. You look amazingand I would love to grab a quick pic.
370 00:18:17 No. Go stand with the otherparents and try to be normal.
371 00:18:21 Sam, I'm not a normal parent.
372 00:18:23 I don't even...
373 00:18:25 Holy shit,you invited Hunter?
374 00:18:26 No, of course not.
375 00:18:27 I haven't talked to him sincehe and Brenda got divorced.
376 00:18:29 You know he calls me all the time?What?
377 00:18:31 He wants to play darts.I don't play darts!
378 00:18:33 Darts?You kidding me?
379 00:18:34 Anyway, I can't hang out with him.I'll be guilty by association.
380 00:18:36 No. No, l will never forgivethat babysitter fucker.
381 00:18:40 Hey, Hunter!Hey, man. Good to see you.
382 00:18:41 What up?
383 00:18:44 Ah...Ah!
384 00:18:47 Did you haveanother daughter?
385 00:18:48 I did. I did.
386 00:18:50 Thank you. It's been wonderful.Yeah.
387 00:18:52 I'm thinking about doing that again.You know, the whole second round?
388 00:18:55 I think a lot of dads kind of getit right the second time around.
389 00:18:59 Or, you know, you could justraise the one that you have.
390 00:19:02 Well, I did. Too late for that.Raised, job done.
391 00:19:05 Hi, honey.Actually, I heard
392 00:19:07 if you spend a significant amountof time with your children
393 00:19:10 that you develop some kind of,like, telekinetic bond with them.
394 00:19:14 Is that true?I've heard. Mmm-hmm.
395 00:19:16 I hope it's not true because if it is, Samhas been looking at a lot of Asian porn.
396 00:19:22 My wife's Asian.
397 00:19:24 Indian.That's Asian.
398 00:19:25 This is more like, uh...
399 00:19:27 It looks like the typical Asian.Yep, good seeing you, man.
400 00:19:31 Okay, good to see you, brother.You know what I mean.
401 00:19:33 Who's this guy?Who are you?
402 00:19:35 Dad, this is my date.
403 00:19:36 Hi.
404 00:19:37 Uh, it's great to meet you,sir. I'm... I'm Connor.
405 00:19:39 Connor and I were in the samescience class. We're lab partners.
406 00:19:42 Yeah. We're workingon our chemistry.
407 00:19:45 Uh...
408 00:19:47 I'm gonna get a napkin,if that's cool.
409 00:19:50 Okay.
410 00:19:53 Okay, so, uh...
411 00:19:55 With this, it's one shotto the groin, stab, and drag.
412 00:19:59 I refuse to believe she couldn'tdo better than that loser.
413 00:20:02 Oh, I think Chad seems nice.
414 00:20:04 Chad? No, Chad's amazing.Look at that fedora.
415 00:20:07 I'm not talking about Chad, I'mtalking about fucking Frank.
416 00:20:10 What a dick.
417 00:20:11 Frank does not seemlike a dick to me.
418 00:20:14 He seems like a nice guy.And you know what?
419 00:20:15 Don't blame Brenda.It's really hard being alone.
420 00:20:18 Let's just agreeto disagree on Frank.
421 00:20:20 Here they come.Okay, just be cool.
422 00:20:22 He's gonna talk about histow truck company instantly.
423 00:20:24 I guarantee you he's gonnathrow that shit in my face.
424 00:20:27 Be cool, be cool, be cool.
425 00:20:28 Brenda.Hunter.
426 00:20:32 Frank.
427 00:20:33 Lisa.
428 00:20:34 What'd I do?
429 00:20:36 I'm sorry, I don't know why I just saidyour name like that. This is so nice.
430 00:20:38 Thank you.You're welcome.
431 00:20:42 Okay.
432 00:20:44 No,no,no.Leese,Leese,Leese.
433 00:20:45 I gotta go getJulie's wrap.
434 00:20:47 Mmm.
435 00:20:49 Were you gonna let our daughtertake a fucking Lyft to prom?
436 00:20:52 What is this, Afghanistan?
437 00:20:53 How'd you payfor that limo, Hunter?
438 00:20:54 'Cause I know your credit'sin the shitter.
439 00:20:56 It is.
440 00:20:57 Because I boughtyour mom a wheelchair.
441 00:20:59 She's gonna pay you back.
442 00:21:00 With what money, Brenda?
443 00:21:02 Can she pay me back with crackersthat she steals from restaurants?
444 00:21:04 I don't wanna talk about your mom, Idon't wanna talk about her wheelohair.
445 00:21:06 All I care about is that my daughterhas the greatest night of her life.
446 00:21:09 If it was her greatest night,you would not be here.
447 00:21:12 Oh, what a sick burn. Allright, all right, all right.
448 00:21:14 Good. Wait,yo,yo,yo,we're all adults here.
449 00:21:16 Let's not make ituncomfortable.
450 00:21:19 If you're gonna be around more,let's have a beer sometime.
451 00:21:21 Okay, first of all, I don't wannago to have a beer with you.
452 00:21:24 I don't wanna hang out with you. I don'tlike you, I don't like your wife.
453 00:21:26 I don't like your guys' deal. Ithink it sucks and it's played out.
454 00:21:29 Hey, if you ever changeyour mind, here's my card.
455 00:21:31 Ah, here we go.
456 00:21:33 "Tow with Frank." Where'd youcome up with that name?
457 00:21:35 It's very straightforward.All right, I'll tell you this.
458 00:21:37 The design of that cardis pretty cool.
459 00:21:38 And my favorite partis right fucking there.
460 00:21:40 Oh.
461 00:22:12 Wow, that is just...No, that's us, Frank.
462 00:22:14 You've taken about 15 goddamn selfies.I got it. I got it.
463 00:22:17 Yeah!All right.
464 00:22:20 Bye, Mom.
465 00:22:21 - Have fun, honey. Okay.- I will.
466 00:22:23 Bye,Dad.
467 00:22:24 Remember, stab, turn, drag.
468 00:22:27 I don't have the knife, Dad.
469 00:22:28 Yes, you do.Check your clutch.
470 00:22:29 Ugh.
471 00:22:31 Hey, uh,it's been a pleasure, sir.
472 00:22:33 I really, um...I'm honored.
473 00:22:36 Oh!
474 00:22:38 Intense, professional grip.Cheers!
475 00:22:40 Take it easy,big guy. Hey, uh...
476 00:22:44 You guys havea good night, too, you know.
477 00:22:46 Thank you.
478 00:22:47 See that smirk?What was up with that smirk?
479 00:22:49 You are intense.
480 00:22:51 Sam.Oh.
481 00:22:52 Hey! Mr. Lockwood.Hey!
482 00:22:53 Pleasure to meet you.Chad, yes.
483 00:22:54 Come on, man. Bring it in.Yes. Good. Yeah.
484 00:22:57 My hat?
485 00:22:58 I wanna talk to Sam real quick.Yeah, okay.
486 00:23:01 Let me get a picturereal quick.
487 00:23:03 Chad.Oh.
488 00:23:04 Real quick photo. Just,just so fast. Okay.
489 00:23:05 Don't even fuck with the filter.Just plain.
490 00:23:07 Here we go.There we go.
491 00:23:09 And then you wanna get a quickone of me and Chad real quick?
492 00:23:11 That sounds cool. Yep.Okay.
493 00:23:12 Sammy, here you go, baby. Real quick.Just a couple fun ones.
494 00:23:15 Like this?
495 00:23:16 Bros.
496 00:23:18 Duck lips.
497 00:23:20 And then just kind of a...
498 00:23:22 Julie. Can I talk to youa second?
499 00:23:25 We gotta go.I love you.
500 00:23:26 I'd really liketo talk to you.
501 00:23:28 But I really gotta go.
502 00:23:29 Okay, fine. Just don'tforget your wrap.
503 00:23:32 It's okay. I don't thinklneedit
504 00:23:33 Are you sure?
505 00:23:35 Because we live in Chicago,and it's chilly.
506 00:23:37 I don't knowabout other places,
507 00:23:39 but it gets coldin Illinois.
508 00:23:43 It's not that cold tonight, soI don't think I need it, okay?
509 00:23:46 Okay, Julie, wait.
510 00:23:47 So you'll call me when you getto Austin's after prom? Right?
511 00:23:49 Right.
512 00:23:51 Okay.
513 00:23:52 Okay.I love you.
514 00:23:54 Okay. I love you.
515 00:23:57 Okay!
516 00:23:59 Okay.
517 00:24:07 This is so cool!
518 00:24:09 on!
519 00:24:11 Blow it out!
520 00:24:13 Chad, I, um, I saw youdo Pippin last year.
521 00:24:15 That was really good.
522 00:24:17 Yeah, you're a really good singer, man.What are you doing this year?
523 00:24:20 We're actually doing Arnold,which is an all-male version of Annie.
524 00:24:25 Caught you drinking!
525 00:24:27 Just kidding, y'all.I may look like a parent
526 00:24:29 but I assure you,I am no narc.
527 00:24:32 Thank you, sir.
528 00:24:36 Not done yet.Name's Rudy.
529 00:24:37 I did not go to my prom. No.
530 00:24:39 My leg was crushed by a cementtruck so I could not dance but...
531 00:24:42 So I've made itmy mission in life,
532 00:24:45 my whole career, to make surethat little kids like you
533 00:24:48 have a wonderful nightto remember forever.
534 00:24:50 So just sit back, relax,and enjoy your prom night.
535 00:24:54 Okay.
536 00:24:56 Oh, fuck,that was the turn! Fuck!
537 00:25:01 Hey, Leese?
538 00:25:02 You got any S.O.S. pads?
539 00:25:04 I'm soaking those pans, but you burntthe shit out of that mac: and cheese.
540 00:25:09 Sponge just isn'tgonna cut it.
541 00:25:10 Thanks for helping clean up.
542 00:25:12 Don't mention this one.
543 00:25:14 I mean, Marcie broughtthe baby home early and...
544 00:25:17 I gotta keep busy. I gotta keep mymind off of Kayla and "Connor."
545 00:25:22 That's not the right wayto use those.
546 00:25:25 'Cause his nameis actually Connor. So...
547 00:25:29 It's okay.
548 00:25:31 UCLA?Uh-huh.
549 00:25:33 I didn't mean to snoop,but I'm...
550 00:25:35 No, no. It's okay.
551 00:25:36 I mean, I don't thinkit's a real thing.
552 00:25:37 She's not actually gonna go.
553 00:25:39 I think she just appliedfor fun. She didn't...
554 00:25:42 Why, have you hearddifferently?
555 00:25:44 I would assume it's to go, but she verywell could have applied ironically.
556 00:25:48 I mean,you know millennials, right?
557 00:25:50 Hmm.Wherever she goes...
558 00:25:51 You're gonna have a bunchof time on your hands.
559 00:25:53 You oan figure out what you wannado for the back nine of your life.
560 00:25:55 Uh-huh. Yeah.
561 00:25:58 I think Julieleft her laptop open.
562 00:26:02 Julie's doinga lot of texting.
563 00:26:03 Mmm-hmm.ls everything okay?
564 00:26:06 Maybe we shouldcheck to see?
565 00:26:07 Peace of mind.Yeah.
566 00:26:13 What the hell is that?
567 00:26:15 I have no idea.
568 00:26:20 What are youstill doing here?
569 00:26:21 Hey, your, uh, mac: andcheese is messed up.
570 00:26:28 Are you guyssnooping on your kids?
571 00:26:30 That is not cool.
572 00:26:32 No, it's not snoopingif the information shows up.
573 00:26:34 That's exactlywhat snooping is.
574 00:26:35 No, it's likethe Patriot Act.
575 00:26:37 Well, it's not likethe Patriot Act.
576 00:26:39 It's like snooping.
577 00:26:40 Okay. We don't know whatthey're talking about, so...
578 00:26:42 What?Okay.
579 00:26:44 Oh, is it like puzzles?Ooh, I love puzzles.
580 00:26:46 Husk saw Inferno.
581 00:26:47 Yeah, great.What are they saying?
582 00:26:48 Okay, so there's somethingabout an eggplant handshake.
583 00:26:51 Eggplant agreement.
584 00:26:52 Yeah. They got an agreementto make eggplant Parmesan.
585 00:26:54 No, eggplants are dicksin teenage emoji language.
586 00:26:56 What? LISA: You knowwhat, that's true.
587 00:26:58 Julie told me that the emojis have...They all have secret meanings.
588 00:27:00 Mmm-hmm.So, like, trees are weed
589 00:27:02 and snowflakesare cocaine and
590 00:27:06 that thing is "yas queen."
591 00:27:07 '(as queer“!
592 00:27:08 What the hell is that? You'venever heard of "yas queen"?
593 00:27:10 No.All right, grandpa.
594 00:27:11 Hold on. Julie is making some kindof a dick-related agreement here.
595 00:27:16 Kayla is in onthe agreement.
596 00:27:18 No fucking way.
597 00:27:19 Okay, clown face.What the fuck does that mean?
598 00:27:22 That meansshe's down to clown.
599 00:27:26 - Okay.- Three eggplants?
600 00:27:27 And look at the drool comingout of that smiley face.
601 00:27:29 You wish that was drool.
602 00:27:30 That's cum, my man.Stand down!
603 00:27:32 It is. Look, it's cum.He's, like...
604 00:27:33 This is sex if I've ever seenit illustrated in emoji form.
605 00:27:36 No, no, no. Maybe not. They'rebest friends. They're just saying,
606 00:27:39 like, "You're okay with me.
607 00:27:41 "You're okay to me. You're okay tome." You say that to your friends?
608 00:27:43 Whenever I see my friends, I go, "Hey!You're okay with me."
609 00:27:45 I don't use these!
610 00:27:47 Hold on. Agreement hands,agreement hands,
611 00:27:49 agreement hands. This is a...It's a sex agreement.
612 00:27:51 They're making a sex pact.
613 00:27:53 They're gonna lose theirvirginity on prom night.
614 00:27:55 That cannot be a sex pact.
615 00:27:57 That? That is friendship.
616 00:27:58 And that is the bond of friendshipthat can never be broken.
617 00:28:02 I mean, maybe.Yeah.
618 00:28:04 Oh! Just look, they wrote"Sex Pact 2018."
619 00:28:05 I fucking knew it!I love puzzles.
620 00:28:08 I told you guys.Have you seen Inferno?
621 00:28:10 Call your kid. Leese,have you seen Inferno?
622 00:28:12 Have you guys seen Inferno?
623 00:28:13 I figured it out in two seconds.Did you see Inferno?
624 00:28:15 The guy jumps off the thing in thebeginning. He's got a virus.
625 00:28:17 Have you seen Infernowith Tom Hanks?
626 00:28:19 Okay.
627 00:28:20 Okay, she's not answering her phone.Yeah, Kayla isn't either.
628 00:28:21 Okay, what the heckis happening?
629 00:28:23 She's always beenhonest with me.
630 00:28:25 She's alwaystold me the truth,
631 00:28:26 and now I'm just swimmingin a pool of lies.
632 00:28:29 Okay. Here's what'sgonna happen.
633 00:28:31 She's gonna have sexwith that Austin kid
634 00:28:34 and then she's gonna thinkthat she has all these feelings,
635 00:28:37 which she does notactually have,
636 00:28:39 and then she's gonna driveacross country
637 00:28:41 and follow himand ruin her fucking life!
638 00:28:44 Okay, I think that's a pretty big leapto make when you read a couple...
639 00:28:47 I have investedevery single piece of my being
640 00:28:50 into preparing Kaylafor success, and now this?
641 00:28:53 She is about to have sex withsome dipshit with a "man bun."
642 00:28:57 You're not using thosein the right way.
643 00:28:59 Hey, can we all come backto "Planet Earth"?
644 00:29:02 'Cause this is nota big deal.
645 00:29:03 They're teenage girls.They have sex.
646 00:29:06 Do you freak out when you seea bee fucking a flower?
647 00:29:12 I'm gonna stop her.
648 00:29:13 I'm in.
649 00:29:15 Let's cockblockthose motherfuckers.
650 00:29:16 Whoa...
651 00:29:18 No, sir. Uh-uh.
652 00:29:19 No, no, no, no. I promised Samthe greatest night of her life
653 00:29:22 and if you guys fuck upyour daughters' night,
654 00:29:24 it's gonna fuck up my daughter'snight, and that shit is"not cool."
655 00:29:27 I don't give a fuckwhat's cool with you.
656 00:29:28 Let's go, Mitchell.I'll drive.
657 00:29:30 Hey! Hey, hey, wait!No,no,no.
658 00:29:31 You wanna go?
659 00:29:33 You got to go through me.
660 00:29:35 Oh, Jesus. Okay,you called my bluff. Wait.
661 00:29:37 Wait! Hey!
662 00:29:38 Get off! Get off of me!Get off! HUNTER: Hey! Hey!
663 00:29:41 Not cool!
664 00:29:42 This is "not cool"!
665 00:29:44 Hey! What's the plan?This is stupid.
666 00:29:50 Fuck off.
667 00:29:51 I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
668 00:29:52 What the fuck are you doing?
669 00:29:54 I just need to talk to mydaughter for five minutes.
670 00:29:56 Get out of the car!
671 00:29:57 You get out.
672 00:29:59 You get out!You get out!
673 00:30:00 Stop saying what I'm saying!
674 00:30:01 Stop saying what I'm saying.Stop saying what I'm saying!
675 00:30:03 Stop! Okay. Listen, listen.Hey!
676 00:30:04 Okay, everyone calm down,calm down.
677 00:30:07 The window!No, the window!
678 00:30:09 Hey! What the fuck! No!
679 00:30:14 Damn, these are new shorts!
680 00:30:15 Truce, truce!
681 00:30:16 Truce, truce, truce.
682 00:30:20 I'm so sorry!I'm so sorry!
683 00:30:21 Oh, my fucking God!
684 00:30:23 Uh...
685 00:30:25 I'm sorry, man.
686 00:30:26 It's not gonna work.You're not Schwarzenegger!
687 00:30:31 How is that possible?
688 00:30:33 How is that possible?Oh, shit!
689 00:30:35 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
690 00:30:36 My balls! My balls!
691 00:30:38 Your ass is so...
692 00:30:41 Hey! Hey! Not cool!
693 00:30:43 Ah! You're bullying me!
694 00:30:45 This is bullying!What you're doing is wrong!
695 00:30:49 You know your daughter'sin this stupid sex pact, too.
696 00:30:52 Yeah, and she's not gonnado anything about it, okay?
697 00:30:53 Like you would knowwhat your daughter's gonna do.
698 00:30:56 Okay, first of all, ouch!
699 00:30:58 Second of all, I know nothing isgonna happen with Sam because...
700 00:31:02 Because she's gay.
701 00:31:04 Really? Did she come outto you?
702 00:31:06 No, of course not.She barely speaks to me.
703 00:31:09 Then how do you know?Because, bro,
704 00:31:11 I'm her dad. And there'sjust some things you know.
705 00:31:13 Chad is nothing.He's like a beard.
706 00:31:16 Or whatever a lesbian beard is.A merkin?
707 00:31:19 I don't know. The point is,
708 00:31:20 I guarantee youthey don't even kiss, okay?
709 00:31:23 I'm not worried about that.
710 00:31:24 I'm worried about you twodicks fucking up her night.
711 00:31:26 Okay, well, what you don'tunderstand is that
712 00:31:28 sex can be very confusingfor young girls,
713 00:31:31 and make them say things and dothings that they might regret.
714 00:31:34 Like dropping out of college
715 00:31:35 to follow aroundthe Dave Matthews Band
716 00:31:38 with a guy they think they love whothen winds up getting them pregnant
717 00:31:41 and then leaving them
718 00:31:42 for the girl who makes grilled cheesesandwiches with hash aioli on them.
719 00:31:48 Yeah, that isa extremely specific scenario
720 00:31:52 and that won't happento Julie.
721 00:31:54 Dave's not even touring right now.He's taking time off for fatherhood.
722 00:31:57 It was me, you idiot.
723 00:31:59 Me. That happened to me.
724 00:32:01 Yeah.
725 00:32:15 You weren't ready!Okay, one more.
726 00:32:16 Smile.
727 00:32:18 I closed my eye.
728 00:32:20 Oh, my God!
729 00:32:22 You guys!This is our song!
730 00:32:24 Do you remember when wegot snowed in at Sam's
731 00:32:26 and we played this likeover and over? Yes!
732 00:32:28 We have to dance!This is our jam!
733 00:32:44 Hey!Hey!
734 00:32:45 Hey! I want a drink.
735 00:32:47 Okay, yeah, let's go get one.
736 00:32:48 No,no,no,no.Like, a drink.
737 00:32:50 Oh, you want a drink-drink.Yeah.
738 00:32:52 Okay, let me call my guy.
739 00:32:54 Hello, Mr. Drink Drink.
740 00:32:55 Let's go get fucked up!
741 00:32:57 Okay.
742 00:32:58 Kayla, Kayla! Ah.
743 00:33:11 Hey.Chad!
744 00:33:13 I'm gonna goget, uh, some dessert.
745 00:33:15 Get me two!
746 00:33:26 Hey, Angelica,it's a nice cape.
747 00:33:29 Uh, hey, Sam,
748 00:33:31 thank you.
749 00:33:35 Um, yeah, it's a Galadriel cape that Imade a couple months ago for LordCon.
750 00:33:40 Figured I could wear it again.
751 00:33:41 Not too much overlapon the guest list.
752 00:33:46 Yeah. Totally.
753 00:33:49 Who'd you come here with?
754 00:33:51 Um... Just my friends.
755 00:33:53 Lauren and I broke up.
756 00:33:57 Oh!
757 00:33:58 No hard feelings though.
758 00:34:00 Um, she's stilla little confused.
759 00:34:04 How do you think one becomes
760 00:34:07 not confused?
761 00:34:11 It's probably differentfor everyone.
762 00:34:14 But for me, when I kissed BradMarkowski, I started to suspect it,
763 00:34:17 and then last year when I touched DashLowenstein's dick, I was like,
764 00:34:21 "Fuck no." It was likeholding a dead snake.
765 00:34:24 Hmm.
766 00:34:28 But I guess you never knowuntil you try.
767 00:34:39 Uh, before I dodrink this, though,
768 00:34:40 I just wanna let you know
769 00:34:42 that I am fully planningon having sex tonight.
770 00:34:46 With... With you.
771 00:34:48 Yeah, I mean, whereverthe wind blows us.
772 00:34:51 Well, the Wind's gonnablow us there.
773 00:34:53 Wherever the nighttakes us.
774 00:34:54 It's gonna take your penisinto my vagina.
775 00:34:57 Okay. Uh... You know,if the universe wills it.
776 00:35:00 And the universewill will it.
777 00:35:04 Thanks for letting me know.I guess.
778 00:35:08 Uh,yeah.
779 00:35:09 Oh, my God!I warned you.
780 00:35:11 This is what gin tastes like?No, no.
781 00:35:12 I've heard that gin sucks and this sucks.No, it's...
782 00:35:15 I made it. Um...Oh.
783 00:35:18 This is so dumb. Okay?
784 00:35:20 Yeah, our kids are gonna hate usbecause you're gonna humiliate them.
785 00:35:23 I'm not gonna humiliate Julie.We're best friends.
786 00:35:26 I'm the cool mom.
787 00:35:27 Hunter, don't make mesit on your balls again.
788 00:35:29 Stop, stop, stop it,stop, stop!
789 00:35:31 This is how they're gonnabe remembered in high school,
790 00:35:34 as the weirdos whose parentsdragged them out of prom
791 00:35:37 because they were afraidof their sexuality.
792 00:35:39 It's not something that should befeared, it should be celebrated.
793 00:35:43 And... And we have to empowerthese young women.
794 00:35:46 I mean, what yearis it, guys? It's 2018.
795 00:35:50 - Jesus Christ!- Oh, gross.
796 00:35:52 Okay, you know what?
797 00:35:53 That's an unfortunatecoincidence.
798 00:35:54 Get a fucking room!
799 00:36:04 Let's take a picture!
800 00:36:06 Kayla! Let's take a pictureright now.
801 00:36:08 Okay, cool!
802 00:36:10 Cheese!
803 00:36:11 Oh, my God, my mom calledme, like, 15 times.
804 00:36:14 She's crazy!Nope.
805 00:36:15 No. That's a no.That's kind of funny.
806 00:36:17 Boom! Airplane mode.No.
807 00:36:19 Yeah. We're flyingthe friendly skies now.
808 00:36:22 Yeah, until she freaks out.
809 00:36:23 Look, can we pleaseget out of here?
810 00:36:24 No! We can't go right now.
811 00:36:26 They haven't even playedme and Austin's song yet.
812 00:36:28 How are we gonnaget in the mood?
813 00:36:29 I don't know,light your Walgreens candle.
814 00:36:31 That's later.
815 00:36:32 Don't you want... Look, look.Jake Donahue is just warming up.
816 00:36:36 Don't you wanna see him breakdanceand probably hurt himself?
817 00:36:38 - No. I don't.- It's gonna be so good.
818 00:36:40 Do you rememberat the Sadie Hawkins Dance
819 00:36:42 when he tried to do the worm and hefell and broke his two front teeth?
820 00:36:45 Yeah, he had to go to the hospital.I have pictures.
821 00:36:47 It was great.And this is gonna be better!
822 00:36:49 No,no,no.So we're staying.
823 00:36:50 No! Julie, Julie. I promise
824 00:36:53 that you're gonna dance to yoursong with your boyfriend tonight.
825 00:36:55 This place is dying, okay?
826 00:36:57 We gotta get out of here.
827 00:36:58 Okay, fine.
828 00:36:59 Okay, cool, let's go.
829 00:37:02 We're goingto the lake house!
830 00:37:04 I'm not surethat this was worth $85.
831 00:37:06 Where's Chad?
832 00:37:08 What?
833 00:37:09 Oh, he's probablyout on the dance floor.
834 00:37:10 I'm gonna go find himand meet you guys outside.
835 00:37:12 All right.
836 00:37:29 The fuck?
837 00:37:34 Smirking little piece of shit.
838 00:37:36 Top knot. Top knot.Let's get him.
839 00:37:38 Yeah, you guys go do that.
840 00:37:40 I'm gonna get some punch.
841 00:37:43 All right, asshole, what'dyou do with my daughter?
842 00:37:45 Two of you guys have the sameshitty haircut? Hey!
843 00:37:48 Look at me.My hair's too long.
844 00:37:51 Hey! You can't go aroundassaulting children.
845 00:37:54 You have to blend in
846 00:37:56 if you wantsome information, okay?
847 00:37:58 So just... Just be cool. God!
848 00:38:02 Okay.
849 00:38:04 Julie?
850 00:38:06 Julie?
851 00:38:14 Prom night, huh?
852 00:38:16 What?
853 00:38:18 Just special night.
854 00:38:27 Gotta try.
855 00:38:35 Chad?Yeah?
856 00:38:55 This is my moment.
857 00:39:14 You ruined my moment!
858 00:39:15 Fuck your moment.
859 00:39:18 What happenedback there?
860 00:39:19 What happened is that my daughter waskissing Chad even though she hated it...
861 00:39:22 And I've been dragged in thissituation by you two fucking idiots!
862 00:39:25 Just ignore him.Great idea.
863 00:39:26 We're gonna goto Austin's house.
864 00:39:28 Julie said that's where the after-partyis and we'll get 'em there.
865 00:39:29 And that soundslike a plan.
866 00:39:31 Hey, how dare you ignore me.
867 00:39:32 We are in this situation becauseyou two raised a couple of bigots
868 00:39:35 who have shamed my daughter intolosing her virginity to the wrong sex.
869 00:39:38 Shame!
870 00:39:40 My daughter is not a bigot.
871 00:39:43 We go to all of the marches.
872 00:39:46 We went to the Tax Day Marchand nobody goes to that shit.
873 00:39:49 Nobody!Ignore him.
874 00:39:51 It's hard.Yeah, it is hard.
875 00:39:52 'Cause I don't quit.
876 00:39:53 And now I haveto go rescue Sam
877 00:39:55 because she is scaredand confused
878 00:39:57 and I know what it's like to be ostracizedby society for your sexual preferences.
879 00:40:00 Sleeping with women that aren't yourwife isn't a sexual preference.
880 00:40:04 No, it is! I prefer them.
881 00:40:06 How parents can let their kids
882 00:40:08 play music this loud?
883 00:40:10 We all share this planet.
884 00:40:12 This is how loudI listen to my music, dawg.
885 00:40:13 Probably won't even beable to hear us.
886 00:40:16 It's so dark in there.
887 00:40:18 They could be in the backyard playingtwo-on-two hoops. I don't know.
888 00:40:23 Oh. I found a big window.
889 00:40:25 No, no, don't,don't, don't.
890 00:40:26 Trust me. Do not lookin that window.
891 00:40:29 What? Look at me.Do not look in this window.
892 00:40:31 Do not lookin this fucking window!
893 00:40:35 Julie's red dress!Shit!
894 00:40:38 Shit! Oh, God.
895 00:40:42 I know this must betough for you.
896 00:40:44 I mean, if...
897 00:40:46 Hell, if that was Kaylain there, I'd...
898 00:40:49 I'd kill myself.Nope.
899 00:40:51 That's the wrong thingto fucking say right now.
900 00:40:53 Stop them. Stop it!
901 00:40:55 I can't... Wait.
902 00:40:57 Hey! It's not Julie.
903 00:40:59 It's not Julie.
904 00:41:00 What?
905 00:41:02 Shit!It's Austin's parents.
906 00:41:05 Good for them.
907 00:41:06 Really going at it.
908 00:41:07 Always wanted to do this. I've alwayswanted to watch people have sex.
909 00:41:10 Oh, my God,he's yanking her hair.
910 00:41:12 Ow. That looks like it hurts.
911 00:41:13 Yeah, we shouldn'tbe looking, man. Come on.
912 00:41:16 She runs the riskof, like, dislocating her hip.
913 00:41:18 Hey, Mitchell. You're beinga fucking perv, dude.
914 00:41:20 Don't look.
915 00:41:27 What happened?
916 00:41:29 We locked eyesand then he finished.
917 00:41:31 That means his loadis on your soul for eternity.
918 00:41:33 Holy shit!
919 00:41:34 Oh, shit, he's coming.
920 00:41:37 I'll pretend I'm a plant.
921 00:41:42 Mitchell?What are you doing?
922 00:41:43 Lisa?Hey,Ron!
923 00:41:45 What are you guysdoing out here?
924 00:41:47 Hi!
925 00:41:48 Hey!What a nice surprise!
926 00:41:50 We thought the kids were here. Wedidn't realize you guys were here.
927 00:41:53 Oh, Cath and I were just havinga little prom night role-play.
928 00:41:57 You know, to keep the sex life alive.Prom night!
929 00:41:59 Where are the kids? Um, do youknow where the kids are'?
930 00:42:02 The kids are atKyler Montero's lake house.
931 00:42:05 How do you know that?
932 00:42:06 Because Austin told us.Yeah.
933 00:42:08 He's texted me, like,19 times tonight.
934 00:42:11 Ugh. Oh, my God. Yeah, wetell each other everything.
935 00:42:13 It's unbelievable.
936 00:42:14 He knows about prom night.
937 00:42:15 Well, you know.I'm sorry, you...
938 00:42:17 You tell your son about yoursex games with your wife?
939 00:42:20 Uh-huh. Yeah.
940 00:42:21 Can't do that. There's a line.Yeah, it's weird.
941 00:42:24 It's... It's weird.
942 00:42:25 We have a veryopen family here.
943 00:42:27 Yes, we do.We don't hide anything.
944 00:42:29 You know what,what is Kyler's address?
945 00:42:30 Okay, listen, I feel like Ican't betray Austin's confidence in me
946 00:42:35 and frankly if Julie wanted totell you where the house was,
947 00:42:38 she would've told you.
948 00:42:40 Uh-uh.I got...Hold on, hold on.
949 00:42:42 Give us the address.
950 00:42:44 Or my giant friend's gonna tearyour husband's dick off.
951 00:42:46 Yeah.
952 00:42:47 No, I'm not.
953 00:42:48 No, I'm not.Excuse me?
954 00:42:49 No, no, no. That's...That's good.
955 00:42:52 And, uh, sorry to interruptyour evening.
956 00:42:54 I hope you guys enjoythe rest of your love-making.
957 00:42:56 - Ah, fuck!- Come on, man.
958 00:42:58 - What was that about?- What?
959 00:42:59 Hey, man, thank you forkilling my daughter's hymen.
960 00:43:01 I don't think so.Kyler Montero's lake house?
961 00:43:03 Marcie did the bathroom.
962 00:43:04 She's gonna know the address.So let's just go.
963 00:43:07 All right, dope.Dope.
964 00:43:10 Oh, my eyes!Yeah!
965 00:43:13 Okay, come on in now.
966 00:43:14 It's all fun and gamesuntil there's a decapitation.
967 00:43:17 I don't need any moredead girls on my conscience.
968 00:43:19 I'm sorry, Rudy!
969 00:43:20 We just had to check that offthe old prom bucket list.
970 00:43:24 Oh, my God! Sam!
971 00:43:26 Come here. Yeah!Move, Chad!
972 00:43:28 Chad, you want a drink?No.
973 00:43:30 What you got there?
974 00:43:32 This is a very, very special reducedhash oil of my own invention.
975 00:43:35 It has rosemary essencefor blood flow,
976 00:43:38 a curcumin extract from turmericto reduce inflammation.
977 00:43:41 And it gets you super baked.
978 00:43:43 All right! Let's do it.Do I just suck'?
979 00:43:47 Yeah, you press the button andyou take, like, a little puff.
980 00:43:50 Or a really, reallybig one. Okay.
981 00:43:54 And then you just hold itfor, like, a beat.
982 00:43:56 You guys know that Tanner Dunn'sparents rented out a whole floor
983 00:43:59 of the Park West Hotelfor an after-party?
984 00:44:01 What?
985 00:44:02 Um... Yeah...He, uh...
986 00:44:05 I guess they're super loaded andthey're still proud of him,
987 00:44:07 even though it took him, like,six years to graduate.
988 00:44:09 I remember him. He got to missschool when his kid was born.
989 00:44:12 Yeah, that guy.
990 00:44:14 You should definitelylet it go now.
991 00:44:19 Holy shit.
992 00:44:20 Oh, yeah. I can run a six-minute mile.My lung capacity is legit.
993 00:44:24 No!One more selfie.
994 00:44:26 And this time let's poselike Kanye.
995 00:44:28 No!Boo!
996 00:44:29 Yes.You take too many pictures.
997 00:44:31 They don't look like him.
998 00:44:34 It's just a bunch ofpaint samples and swatches.
999 00:44:36 Hunter! Quiet!
1000 00:44:38 Why do I have to be quiet?
1001 00:44:39 Shit would not flyif Marcie found out.
1002 00:44:41 Who wears the pantsin this house, dawg?
1003 00:44:42 - I do.- Oh!
1004 00:44:47 Mmm.
1005 00:44:49 This is soy creamer, are you sure?It's pretty freaking rich.
1006 00:44:53 This is so messed up.
1007 00:44:54 Who are you to get involvedin our daughter's sex life?
1008 00:44:57 Honey, I was just trying...No, don't "honey" me.
1009 00:44:59 Did your dad try to stop youwhen you lost your virginity?
1010 00:45:01 That's totally different.
1011 00:45:03 It is not different.It's a double standard.
1012 00:45:04 Oh, when a guy loses his virginity,it's no big deal, it's celebrated,
1013 00:45:08 but if a girl does, it's somesort of big loss of innocence?
1014 00:45:10 - Yes!- But come on, you guys,
1015 00:45:12 it's the same damn thing.
1016 00:45:13 Marcie!Stop talking.
1017 00:45:17 Just give us the address.Just give us the address.
1018 00:45:20 Honestly, Lisa, I can'tbelieve you're on their side.
1019 00:45:23 "Side"? This is notsome philosophical debate.
1020 00:45:27 We're trying to stop our daughtersfrom some kind of sex pact
1021 00:45:30 that they've planned and notthought through all the way.
1022 00:45:33 That is such bullshit.
1023 00:45:35 How do you expect society
1024 00:45:36 to treat women as if they're equalwhen their own parents won't?
1025 00:45:39 I don't know about that.
1026 00:45:41 I'll deal with society tomorrow. Rightnow I'm thinking about my daughter.
1027 00:45:44 Well, that's convenient.Yeah. You know what?
1028 00:45:47 Go aheadand be part of the group
1029 00:45:48 that perceives women as little damselsin distress that need saving.
1030 00:45:52 Who cares about usnot getting paid as much
1031 00:45:54 or not having controlof our own bodies?
1032 00:45:56 Can you please not talk to me like I'msomeone who bombs abortion olinios?
1033 00:46:00 I think we're a little off-topic.We need the address.
1034 00:46:02 I just can't believe
1035 00:46:03 that you think Julie shouldn'tbe free to explore her sexuality
1036 00:46:07 in the same waythat boys are.
1037 00:46:08 Girls and boysare very different.
1038 00:46:12 Guys will takewhatever's in front of them.
1039 00:46:15 We have thesefeelings and then
1040 00:46:17 your parents won'tlet you see the man.
1041 00:46:21 And then he just writesa lot of letters
1042 00:46:23 but you don't get them becauseyour mom doesn't give them to you
1043 00:46:27 and then it starts rainingreally hard
1044 00:46:29 because he builta house for you.
1045 00:46:33 And then, it's...
1046 00:46:36 Mitchell, did you getthe address?
1047 00:46:37 - Yup!- What?
1048 00:46:38 I'm really sorry.I'll call you tomorrow.
1049 00:46:39 I'm just really stressed out.It was so good to see you.
1050 00:46:41 Was that The Notebook?
1051 00:46:43 Fucking fuck off, Hunter!God damn it! Mitchell!
1052 00:46:46 I love you, I'm doing thisfor our daughter, I'll be home late!
1053 00:46:47 Shit!
1054 00:46:51 To the loss of our innocence.
1055 00:46:54 Whoo!
1056 00:46:58 Oh!
1057 00:47:00 Come on!
1058 00:47:01 You guys!This is the best night!
1059 00:47:04 lam so drunk, super high
1060 00:47:07 and Connor has a littlesomething-something that I feel
1061 00:47:11 I need to go check out.
1062 00:47:12 All right.It's fuck o'clock.
1063 00:47:14 - No way. You, too?- Yep.
1064 00:47:18 These are macarons...Ooh!
1065 00:47:20 With a very special concoctionof mine that I call Wavy Davy.
1066 00:47:24 So it's DMT that I getfrom the dark web.
1067 00:47:27 And then there'sa little tiny bit of Xanax
1068 00:47:29 to just kind of take the edgeoff, you know. It's pretty tight.
1069 00:47:31 Sounds pretty tight.
1070 00:47:33 And then I bake itinto a white chocolate macaron
1071 00:47:35 andithas,Hke,a raspberry filling
1072 00:47:37 that's both light and fluffy butalso very flavorful and satisfying.
1073 00:47:41 Are you ready?
1074 00:47:43 Uh, yeah. Yeah.Yeah, let's do it.
1075 00:47:45 Okay. Let's go.
1076 00:47:49 Mmm.
1077 00:47:51 It's yum.
1078 00:47:52 Mmm.
1079 00:47:58 So what do we do?We just walk in
1080 00:47:59 and flick the lights on andoff until the kids come?
1081 00:48:01 Just act cool and young,and maybe we'll just slip in.
1082 00:48:04 Mitchell, untuck your shirt.
1083 00:48:06 No, it's not that kind of shirt.It looks stupid untucked.
1084 00:48:08 Untuok your shirt. You looklike a youth minister.
1085 00:48:10 Untuck your fucking shirt, man.We're trying to look cool.
1086 00:48:11 All right!
1087 00:48:12 Whoa. Oh, Sorry, bro!Sorry, guys.
1088 00:48:15 Sorry. My friend's wasted.
1089 00:48:17 Don't.
1090 00:48:18 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey! Noadults are getting into my house.
1091 00:48:21 Not on prom night.Okay, not on prom.
1092 00:48:23 We were just down the streetat another party
1093 00:48:25 and then we just decidedto come up here
1094 00:48:28 and hang with you guys. Uh...
1095 00:48:30 No parents here, right?
1096 00:48:31 Ah, thank God!
1097 00:48:32 No, not exceptfor you guys. No.
1098 00:48:34 We're not... We don't...
1099 00:48:35 Yeah, no.
1100 00:48:36 Okay, so you're cops.
1101 00:48:40 I got two DUls last year.How could I be a cop?
1102 00:48:43 The police?
1103 00:48:44 Look at my untucked shirt.
1104 00:48:46 You're literally the cop-lestmotherfucker I've ever seen.
1105 00:48:48 You look like you got your hairout in the baok of a squad oar.
1106 00:48:52 - This is a regular men's haircut.- Okay.
1107 00:48:54 This is ridiculous.
1108 00:48:56 All right, you're minors,we're minors.
1109 00:48:58 You're, like, 45 years old.
1110 00:48:59 Fuck you. I was born in '77.
1111 00:49:01 '87.
1112 00:49:02 '94.
1113 00:49:04 We're gonna drinkwith you guys.
1114 00:49:06 Would cops drinkwith underage kids? No.
1115 00:49:09 Okay. What abouta little chugging contest?
1116 00:49:11 Um...
1117 00:49:13 Yeah. Bring it.
1118 00:49:16 Okay, wait.
1119 00:49:17 I gotta get the room ready.
1120 00:49:22 Oh, wow!
1121 00:49:25 You're really going for it,aren't ya?
1122 00:49:27 I saw this in the romantic comedy,American Beauty. So good.
1123 00:49:31 You watched the whole thing?
1124 00:49:38 You know whatthis candle does to me.
1125 00:49:39 Is that the onethat gives you hives?
1126 00:49:41 No, it's the good one.Oh, nice.
1127 00:49:46 You look so hot right now.
1128 00:49:58 Where are my chuggers at?You ready?
1129 00:50:00 Oh, right here. Let's go!What, what!
1130 00:50:02 KYLERI All right.
1131 00:50:04 COOI.
1132 00:50:05 Drop 'em.
1133 00:50:06 Let's do it.
1134 00:50:09 Wait, what?
1135 00:50:10 Guys?We're lust chugging, right?
1136 00:50:12 Yeah, we're butt-chugging.
1137 00:50:13 Yeah, you put the tube up yourbutt and you funnel the beer in.
1138 00:50:16 It fucks you up way more,man, trust me.
1139 00:50:18 Guys, butt-chugging?You got this. You got it.
1140 00:50:20 No, I'm tagging out.You're in.
1141 00:50:21 What? Why me?
1142 00:50:23 You've had a baby. Everything'slooser down there.
1143 00:50:25 I didn't have a baby out of my butt.Even I know that.
1144 00:50:27 Mitchell.
1145 00:50:29 Okay, this isn't a commonoccurrence with me,
1146 00:50:31 but I have had thingsup there before.
1147 00:50:34 Hmm?It's just all about breathing.
1148 00:50:36 So just breathe through it,and accept it in.
1149 00:50:40 I can't do it.I can't do it.
1150 00:50:41 Hey! She's up there right nowwith that dick-bag, Connor,
1151 00:50:43 with his man bunand that stupid smirk.
1152 00:50:45 Think about this.
1153 00:50:48 Wait. Connor?
1154 00:50:50 You know... You knowConnor Aldrich, The Chef?
1155 00:50:53 Why do they call him"The Chef"?
1156 00:50:54 Oh. Maybe a big fanof South Park?
1157 00:50:57 "Hello, children."
1158 00:50:58 No. No. He cooks drugsinto everything.
1159 00:51:00 Everything! One time he made methis, like, acid financier cake.
1160 00:51:04 Oh! That shitwas to die for, man!
1161 00:51:07 Like, literally,I almost fucking died.
1162 00:51:09 Yeah. Dude, if your daughterhad anything like that cake,
1163 00:51:11 she might not rememberwho you are tomorrow.
1164 00:51:14 Give me the fucking tube.
1165 00:51:18 Let's bone.
1166 00:51:19 Wait, what?
1167 00:51:20 Oh! Are you sure that thisis how you wanna do it?
1168 00:51:26 Yes, Chad. This is alwayshow I've imagined it.
1169 00:51:28 Oh, you know, I'd rather leavemy shirt on, if that's sexier.
1170 00:51:31 I need another drink.
1171 00:51:34 Wait, wait, uh...
1172 00:51:37 Can you lube it upwith something first?
1173 00:51:39 Yeah, I'll just spit on it.No!
1174 00:51:41 Why? Because I'm a man?Get over yourself.
1175 00:51:43 No, 'cause you're fucking grossand your fucking saliva's gross.
1176 00:51:46 I have lip gloss.We got lip gloss.
1177 00:51:48 Okay, fine. Shit.
1178 00:51:50 I don't have lip gloss.
1179 00:51:51 All right, guys,let's get those tubes in.
1180 00:51:53 All right, I got the lipgloss on there. Okay.
1181 00:51:54 Okay, okay. All right.
1182 00:51:56 Okay, ready?
1183 00:51:57 Ow, ow, ow, ow.
1184 00:51:59 - It's not in yet.- Okay.
1185 00:52:00 Chill. LISA: It's justgonna be on the count of three.
1186 00:52:02 You got this, dawg.This is for your kid.
1187 00:52:03 On three, okay. All right.
1188 00:52:05 On three.Yeah.
1189 00:52:06 - Okay, one...- One.
1190 00:52:08 Are you okay?
1191 00:52:10 Okay, get your 40s.
1192 00:52:11 They got a lager or an IPA.
1193 00:52:13 It doesn't matter.Doesn't matter.
1194 00:52:14 Okay.
1195 00:52:15 I don't know about this.No,no,no,no.
1196 00:52:16 It's too late.It's already in.
1197 00:52:17 Here you go. It's in you.It's part of you now.
1198 00:52:19 Ready?Yeah.
1199 00:52:20 Set...
1200 00:52:21 Chug!
1201 00:52:23 Butt chug! Butt chug!
1202 00:52:24 Butt chug! Butt chug!
1203 00:52:26 Wait.
1204 00:52:27 - Hey, hey!- Loosen up!
1205 00:52:29 It's not working, dude.I can't!
1206 00:52:31 You can hold my hand!Okay.
1207 00:52:33 - Ow!- You're hurting her.
1208 00:52:35 God! It really hurt!I'm sorry!
1209 00:52:38 Channel that energyinto your butt hole.
1210 00:52:40 This changeseverything I know!
1211 00:52:42 Dude, if your daughter couldsee you now she'd be so proud of you.
1212 00:52:47 Whoa...
1213 00:52:49 lam...lam tripping so hard.
1214 00:52:52 It's not working.It's not working, dude.
1215 00:52:54 - Oh, it's terrible.- It is.
1216 00:52:57 Open up!
1217 00:52:58 I'm sorry.I can't do it, man.
1218 00:53:00 Focus! For your daughter.
1219 00:53:02 Fuck, Mitch. Focus.
1220 00:53:03 You gotta breathe.You gotta open up, dude.
1221 00:53:04 Relax!I'm relaxed! I'm dilated.
1222 00:53:07 I'm staring at your asshole.You're not dilating.
1223 00:53:09 Mitchell, you're gonnalose to this punk bitch?
1224 00:53:13 Breathe. Take it in!
1225 00:53:19 There we go.
1226 00:53:20 Okay, good.Oh!
1227 00:53:21 It's working!It's working! Holy shit!
1228 00:53:23 Holy shit!It's working!
1229 00:53:24 We're almost halfway done.
1230 00:53:26 Pos! Fucking run!
1231 00:53:29 Cops?
1232 00:53:30 What? Oh, no!
1233 00:53:34 Ass beer!
1234 00:53:36 Lisa, the foam went into my mouth!I have to go to the hospital!
1235 00:53:40 Hurry up!Get out of here!
1236 00:53:42 Shit!
1237 00:53:44 We gotta go.
1238 00:53:45 I got ass beer,I should go to the hospital.
1239 00:53:47 Shit!The fucking cops?
1240 00:53:50 The fucking cops are here?Wait, wait, wait.
1241 00:53:52 I can't get the tube out.Pull the tube out.
1242 00:53:54 Leese, pull it out.No! I put it in!
1243 00:53:56 I had to spit on it!What? You spit on it?
1244 00:53:58 No, it was my lip gloss.What the fuck?
1245 00:53:59 It was lip gloss.Pull it out!
1246 00:54:00 Hey, man, be gentle.Be fucking gentle, all right?
1247 00:54:02 I'm gonna be gentle,all right? Ready?
1248 00:54:03 All right, on three.On three...
1249 00:54:05 One.Ow!
1250 00:54:10 Come on.
1251 00:54:11 Hey, guys!
1252 00:54:12 Guys!
1253 00:54:14 Wait, wait. Sam.
1254 00:54:15 Sam!
1255 00:54:16 Sam, Sam! We're over here.
1256 00:54:18 No!
1257 00:54:19 No. No.
1258 00:54:20 The night is over.No.
1259 00:54:22 It's over. It's done.
1260 00:54:24 The night is not over.
1261 00:54:27 The night has just begun.
1262 00:54:33 Jesus, Chad, use your legs.
1263 00:54:35 I mean, I pretty much carriedher, like, the whole way there.
1264 00:54:46 Hustle, hustle, hustle!
1265 00:54:49 Come on, Sam.
1266 00:54:50 Come with us!I can't.
1267 00:54:52 My car is here.
1268 00:54:53 But all my friendsare going to the hotel party.
1269 00:54:56 Maybe I'll see you later.
1270 00:55:02 - Get in the car. Go, go, go, girl!- Sam!
1271 00:55:04 You'll see her later!Seriously, hurry up!
1272 00:55:06 What are you doing?
1273 00:55:07 Whoo, this night is not over,I swear to Christ!
1274 00:55:09 Dukes of Hazzard!
1275 00:55:13 Racist-ass show anyway.
1276 00:55:14 I got the spins, man.
1277 00:55:15 We gotta findour daughter, dawg.
1278 00:55:17 I'm gonna sit downfor a second.
1279 00:55:18 Rudy! It's Rudy.
1280 00:55:20 Rudy, Rudy,wait, wait!
1281 00:55:21 There he goes! Hitthe clicker, open the door!
1282 00:55:24 L got mine.
1283 00:55:26 Seatbelts!
1284 00:55:27 You'll get a big ticket.
1285 00:55:31 That's themright there.
1286 00:55:32 They're getting away.You gotta go faster.
1287 00:55:34 Okay.Hey, you gotta be in it 110%.
1288 00:55:36 Okay.You gotta be in it to win it!
1289 00:55:38 How do you get more competitivewhen you're drunk?
1290 00:55:40 Hey, man. I'm more of a winnerwhen I'm drunk, all right?
1291 00:55:43 And the questionthat I have for you, Leese...
1292 00:55:46 Are you a winner?Are you in it to win it?
1293 00:55:48 Winning is my bitch!All right!
1294 00:55:50 Strong.Knock,knock!
1295 00:55:52 Who's there?
1296 00:55:53 Me winning.
1297 00:55:57 It's not...
1298 00:55:59 It's not that good.
1299 00:56:02 Ow. Ow!Lisa winning!
1300 00:56:04 It's not that good!
1301 00:56:06 Ow! Fuck! All right, it's good.It's fine. I like it.
1302 00:56:09 Hey, you're losing him.Let's go.
1303 00:56:13 Oh. Not on my watch.
1304 00:56:19 Y'all think you gonna outrun Rudythe main motherfucking man Glover?
1305 00:56:23 Hell, no.
1306 00:56:24 Are you all right?No.
1307 00:56:25 Come on.
1308 00:56:28 Hey, guys.
1309 00:56:31 Hey, I don't...
1310 00:56:32 I don't feel so...
1311 00:56:35 Oh, my God!
1312 00:56:38 Oh, my God!
1313 00:56:45 All right,here's what we're gonna do.
1314 00:56:46 Lisa, I have seen every singleFast and the Furious movie, okay?
1315 00:56:49 All of them, dozens of times.Have you seen any of them?
1316 00:56:51 I saw the Tokyo one, and I saw the onewhere The Rock punches the torpedo.
1317 00:56:55 Those are the best two to see.
1318 00:56:56 Okay, in times like this,I ask myself one question.
1319 00:56:59 "W-W-V-D-D." You knowwhat that means?
1320 00:57:02 "What would Vin Diesel do?"
1321 00:57:03 Holy shit!
1322 00:57:05 No one's ever fuckinggotten that before. Okay.
1323 00:57:11 Oh, man, it smells like...
1324 00:57:15 What we're gonna do,we're gonna kiss the bumper.
1325 00:57:17 You give it a little tap, andthen they're gonna spin and stop
1326 00:57:19 and we're gonna spinand stop the other way
1327 00:57:21 and we're gonna look at eachother, and we're gonna go,
1328 00:57:23 "lt's all aboutthe family."
1329 00:57:24 Wait. I don't feel comfortablerunning the kids off the road.
1330 00:57:27 This slow and un-furious attitude isnot helping us. You have to believe!
1331 00:57:31 Okay. I'm gonna kiss it.
1332 00:57:32 Here we go!
1333 00:57:35 What's that?Did I do it?
1334 00:57:37 No, you didn't even kiss it.You gotta kiss it.
1335 00:57:40 Kiss it for the family!
1336 00:57:43 ls that Sam?
1337 00:57:46 She barfed on us!
1338 00:57:48 Oh, my God!
1339 00:58:06 Okay.
1340 00:58:08 Are we in heaven?
1341 00:58:09 Okay. Listen, I knowhow to do this.
1342 00:58:11 Everyone lean backwards.
1343 00:58:14 If we all lean backwards on three,the car will roll back. Ready?
1344 00:58:17 Okay.One,
1345 00:58:20 two, three.
1346 00:58:22 Oh, fuck!
1347 00:58:26 Ahhh!
1348 00:58:32 Well, that's the lastof the ass beer.
1349 00:58:36 Jesus! That's it.
1350 00:58:38 Are you okay?Are you bleeding?
1351 00:58:39 You might haveinternal blood injuries.
1352 00:58:41 I'm all right, I'm all right.
1353 00:58:42 Here's the problem.
1354 00:58:43 The Fast and The Furiousmovies are not realistic.
1355 00:58:46 Where are we? Shit!
1356 00:58:49 Fuck!
1357 00:58:51 What are you doing?
1358 00:58:53 I heard that in times of crisis,parents have superhuman strength.
1359 00:58:56 No offense, there's no scientific wayyou're gonna flip that car over.
1360 00:58:58 I couldn't even do that.
1361 00:58:59 Yeah, I couldn't do it,either.
1362 00:59:00 Do not tell me what I can and can't do.
1363 00:59:07 Kayla's not answering again.
1364 00:59:09 God damn it!We lost 'em, guys.
1365 00:59:10 We are fucked! Or maybe not.
1366 00:59:17 What are you doing?
1367 00:59:18 Trying to telepathicallycommunicate with Kayla.
1368 00:59:20 I'm with the X-Men of parents.
1369 00:59:21 You know whatmy secret power is?
1370 00:59:23 I'm super fucking annoyed rightnow and I hurt my love handle.
1371 00:59:32 All right.
1372 00:59:33 You guys think my new clothesgo with my fedora?
1373 00:59:35 I'm just kidding, I know they do.
1374 00:59:43 Hey.
1375 00:59:46 Have you talkedto your mom?
1376 00:59:48 No.
1377 00:59:49 So my parentswere just texting me
1378 00:59:51 and they were having sex and yourmom showed up looking for you.
1379 00:59:55 Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
1380 00:59:57 It's okay. They have sex all the time.
1381 01:00:01 Oh, my God,she... The texts.
1382 01:00:03 So many texts.
1383 01:00:05 She's mad.
1384 01:00:07 I need to handle this.
1385 01:00:09 Good news.A Lyft is on its way.
1386 01:00:10 Oh, wait, no,I know this guy. He sucks.
1387 01:00:12 Oh, shit. It's Julie.
1388 01:00:14 Be cool. Be cool.Be cool. Be cool.
1389 01:00:16 Be quiet. Okay.
1390 01:00:17 Hey, Mom!
1391 01:00:18 I just got all your texts
1392 01:00:19 and I just wanted to let youknow that we're all good.
1393 01:00:21 Cool. Cool. Okay.
1394 01:00:23 Um... Are you at the prom?
1395 01:00:26 Yeah. Yeah, just nonstopmagical moments.
1396 01:00:29 Huh. You are lying to me.
1397 01:00:31 Where are you right now?Where are you?
1398 01:00:32 Why are you freaking out?
1399 01:00:34 I'm freaking out because Iknow what you're up to.
1400 01:00:37 And I know thatyou and your friends
1401 01:00:39 are planning some kind oflittle sex pact or whatever.
1402 01:00:43 What did you say?
1403 01:00:44 You heard me.
1404 01:00:45 How could you possibly know?
1405 01:00:47 Because I am your motherand I know you.
1406 01:00:50 And I know youbetter than you know yourself.
1407 01:00:53 And I also know that you'replanning on going to UCLA
1408 01:00:58 and thatyou're following Austin.
1409 01:01:00 Yeah.
1410 01:01:02 I know everything.
1411 01:01:07 Oh, my God,you know nothing!
1412 01:01:11 Why do you even assumethat it's me following Austin?
1413 01:01:13 Huh? You're not worriedabout me, Mom.
1414 01:01:17 You're worried about you.
1415 01:01:18 You're afraid of losing me.You're afraid of being alone.
1416 01:01:21 lam not scared of being alone.
1417 01:01:25 This is not about me.
1418 01:01:27 I have not thought aboutmyself for the last 18 years.
1419 01:01:31 This is about you.
1420 01:01:33 And as a single mother,
1421 01:01:35 lam trying to stop you frommaking a life-ruining decision.
1422 01:01:40 So I was"a life-ruining decision"?
1423 01:01:43 No. No!
1424 01:01:44 No, that is notwhat I meant.
1425 01:01:46 No, that is notwhat I meant.
1426 01:01:47 You know what, Mom?
1427 01:01:48 I'm not going to UCLAbecause of some boy, okay?
1428 01:01:51 I'm going to UCLA because it'sthe furthest I can get from you.
1429 01:01:57 Well...
1430 01:01:58 Hello?
1431 01:02:02 Nanaru is on his way.
1432 01:02:05 Forty-six minutes.
1433 01:02:08 Well...
1434 01:02:09 So, she hates me.
1435 01:02:13 She doesn't hate you.
1436 01:02:16 Kayla's ignoring me. She's bringingit to a whole new level of spite.
1437 01:02:19 Yeah.
1438 01:02:21 That's a new level of pain.
1439 01:02:23 Yeah. I know.
1440 01:02:25 It's just different for mebecause I gave birth to her
1441 01:02:28 and I just feelvery connected.
1442 01:02:30 She was living in my body.
1443 01:02:32 Kayla grew in me.
1444 01:02:33 She grew in me. She did.
1445 01:02:35 She grew from my ballsand I shot her into Marcie.
1446 01:02:37 This is the samefor you and me.
1447 01:02:41 Not exactly.
1448 01:02:42 I mean, you have daily lovein your life
1449 01:02:45 and I'm probablygonna die alone
1450 01:02:49 and won't be foundfor a really long time.
1451 01:02:51 Until one day, someonewill be walking by
1452 01:02:54 with their golden retriever,
1453 01:02:55 and the dog is justgonna lose its shit.
1454 01:02:57 And then they're gonnacall the police
1455 01:02:59 and then they're gonna come inand find me draped over the tub
1456 01:03:03 with my feral catseating away at my hair.
1457 01:03:07 'Cause cats do that.
1458 01:03:09 The fuck is wrong with you?That is some dark shit!
1459 01:03:12 You're gonna die alone?
1460 01:03:13 Whoa, whoa. My man! Come on! Wherethe hell did you get that idea?
1461 01:03:16 I call you all the time.
1462 01:03:18 You ever return my calls? No.
1463 01:03:19 Because we're not reallyfriends, you and me.
1464 01:03:22 We're not friends?
1465 01:03:23 I don't mean it at that...
1466 01:03:25 You know what you are?
1467 01:03:26 You are like the thingthat pops up on Facebook...
1468 01:03:30 And then it's, like, this beautifulpicture of your grandma who's dead.
1469 01:03:36 And you're, like, "Fuck you, Facebook,for reminding me of my loss."
1470 01:03:40 That's why you're avoiding me?Because I remind you of loss?
1471 01:03:42 Yes! I don't wanna be reminded ofsweet, young Julie and our kids
1472 01:03:47 and that beautiful timein our lives is over.
1473 01:03:50 Oh, God! Boo-fucking-hoowith you two!
1474 01:03:53 You guys completelyignore me. Always.
1475 01:03:56 Yeah, no shit, cheater.
1476 01:03:57 Oh, "Cheater"?That's my designation?
1477 01:03:59 That's what I am?I'm the cheater?
1478 01:04:01 Fuck that shit.
1479 01:04:02 Did you guys ever once call mewhen that went down
1480 01:04:05 and ask memy side of the story?
1481 01:04:07 You didn't.
1482 01:04:08 I would've told you the truth.
1483 01:04:10 I would've told you that Brendahad stopped talking to me
1484 01:04:12 months before that happened.
1485 01:04:14 Do you know she hooked up with her bossat a company retreat in Wisconsin?
1486 01:04:18 Do you know she beat me up?
1487 01:04:19 She fucking beat me up at aRomano's fucking Macaroni Grill!
1488 01:04:23 She fucking slapped me in frontof the fucking maTtre'd!
1489 01:04:26 I didn't know that.I'm sorry, man.
1490 01:04:27 And I fuckingembarrassed myself
1491 01:04:29 and I embarrassed myselfin front of my daughter.
1492 01:04:32 And I thought, "You know, Ishould pull back a little bit,"
1493 01:04:34 and fucking Frank showed up.
1494 01:04:36 And I pulled back more
1495 01:04:37 and I thought, "One dayI'm gonna fix it.
1496 01:04:39 "One day I'm gonnafucking fix it."
1497 01:04:41 And then I thought if I gave hersomething awesome like a great night...
1498 01:04:48 I could get close with heragain, but I can't.
1499 01:04:55 'Cause she's gone.They're just...
1500 01:04:58 The kids,
1501 01:05:00 they just leave.Oh, shit!
1502 01:05:01 I know how we can find 'em.
1503 01:05:03 Go to Cathy and Ron's.
1504 01:05:04 Austin's been texting themall night.
1505 01:05:07 Did you hearanything I said just now?
1506 01:05:08 That's a great idea.
1507 01:05:09 Fuck it. It's justgood to say it out loud.
1508 01:05:11 Let's go flip that car.
1509 01:05:13 Hell...
1510 01:05:14 Jesus Christ!
1511 01:05:18 Oh, my fucking God!
1512 01:05:22 Shit!
1513 01:05:24 My car just exploded.
1514 01:05:29 Nanaru is 26 minutes away.So that's good.
1515 01:05:33 I thought I canceled him.
1516 01:05:34 Thanks, Nanaru.
1517 01:05:35 So Austin's parents aren't gonnajust tell us where they are.
1518 01:05:39 So we needto get Ron's phone,
1519 01:05:41 read the texts,and find our kids. Okay?
1520 01:05:44 Hunter, it's notgonna be you.
1521 01:05:46 So, Mitchell, it's you.
1522 01:05:47 No. That's breakingand entering. That is...
1523 01:05:50 I'm uncomfortable with that.
1524 01:05:51 Are you a team player,or aren't you?
1525 01:05:53 Am I a team player?
1526 01:05:54 I just chugged a 40 with my asshole.I'm a team player.
1527 01:05:56 Then get your headin the game.
1528 01:05:58 It's the bottom of the third.
1529 01:06:00 We are down by one and thereis not a lot of game left.
1530 01:06:05 There is a lot of gameleft though.
1531 01:06:06 Listen. You have one pass left.One. One pass.
1532 01:06:11 ls it rugby? ls it
1533 01:06:12 Australian rules football? Theydon't put a limit on passing.
1534 01:06:14 If it was the third,then I'd have the fourth.
1535 01:06:15 You know what? You knowwhat's happening right now?
1536 01:06:17 Let me tell youwhat's happening right now,
1537 01:06:18 is Kayla and Connorare sliding into bed.
1538 01:06:21 He's grabbing a condom
1539 01:06:22 and then he's flicking itto the side
1540 01:06:24 with a smirk on his face.
1541 01:06:26 That fucking smirk. No way.
1542 01:06:29 We need a Hail Mary pass.Are you up for that, son?
1543 01:06:32 Yes, Coach.Well, I can't hear you.
1544 01:06:33 Yes, Coach. I'm in it!I can't hear you.
1545 01:06:35 I can fucking do this!Let's go!
1546 01:06:37 We gotta be quiet.
1547 01:06:43 Careful.
1548 01:06:50 All right, go.
1549 01:06:51 Go.
1550 01:07:19 Did you...
1551 01:07:28 Go.There's a person!
1552 01:07:30 What? Fuck you.
1553 01:07:34 Jesus Christ.
1554 01:07:48 I'm gonna get you!
1555 01:07:51 Not if I get you first.
1556 01:08:02 Get away from here.
1557 01:08:03 I'm fucking out!
1558 01:08:04 Mitchell, in!Get in.
1559 01:08:08 Cam'?
1560 01:08:09 Ron, no talking.
1561 01:08:10 Come on, we had a deal.
1562 01:08:12 We have to find each otherby sensing each other's musks.
1563 01:08:15 Can't use our voices.
1564 01:08:36 Here, kitty, kitty.
1565 01:08:37 I can smell that musk.
1566 01:08:47 Yeah!
1567 01:08:48 Yeah! Yeah! I likethe sound of that!
1568 01:08:51 Oh!
1569 01:08:53 on! Hey!
1570 01:08:54 You wanna touch first,that works for Ronnie!
1571 01:08:57 You want me to touch you?
1572 01:08:58 Help yourself. Yes.You want me to touch you?
1573 01:09:00 I'm gonna touch you. Hard.
1574 01:09:02 Do it.How about I touch you...
1575 01:09:03 Do it....with my nails, baby?
1576 01:09:05 Let's have it!Oh!
1577 01:09:07 Your hair is so sexy, babe.Oh, your grip is unbelievable.
1578 01:09:10 L want you to touch mewhere I like.
1579 01:09:13 My balls. You know?
1580 01:09:30 I want it bad. Do it, come on!Really? How bad?
1581 01:09:41 Let's go. Come on.Come on, do it!
1582 01:09:44 You there?What, this isn't hard enough?
1583 01:09:46 Let's go. Come on.
1584 01:09:47 - Harder?- Come on, do it.
1585 01:09:49 Do it, I'm waiting.
1586 01:09:50 Okeydoke.
1587 01:09:52 Oh, yeah,you like that?
1588 01:09:54 Hey, man, I don't judgepeople's sex shit.
1589 01:09:56 But that wasridiculous and stupid.
1590 01:09:58 Way to take onefor the team, guys.
1591 01:09:59 Hold on, hold on,hold on. Here it is.
1592 01:10:01 "The police cameto the lake house.
1593 01:10:03 "Almost lost my flowerbut didn't quite work out."
1594 01:10:05 "Flower"?
1595 01:10:06 He said that? He's a boy.
1596 01:10:07 Buh, buh, buh... "Headingto the Park West Hotel.
1597 01:10:10 "We've gotthe Grand Lux Suite.
1598 01:10:11 "Looks like the little boyis becoming a man."
1599 01:10:14 Fucking dork.
1600 01:10:15 Okay, so that was10 minutes ago.
1601 01:10:16 So they haven't had sex yet.
1602 01:10:17 We can still catch them.
1603 01:10:18 Okay, let's do this.
1604 01:11:05 Hey.
1605 01:11:06 Hey.Hey.
1606 01:11:08 How's she doing?ls she okay?
1607 01:11:10 No, she's not doing okay.She's bummed.
1608 01:11:12 She doesn't even wanna kiss.And I love kissing.
1609 01:11:16 Give me your room key.
1610 01:11:18 What? Why?Yeah.
1611 01:11:19 Give me your room key and thenbring her up in, like, 15 minutes.
1612 01:11:23 Uh, okay.
1613 01:11:24 Yes. Thanks. You're the man.Thank you for this.
1614 01:11:35 How we supposed to find them in this place?It's got, like, 20 rooms.
1615 01:11:37 I'm sorry, what thefuck are you talking about?
1616 01:11:40 "Twenty"? It's got,like, 200! What? Twenty?
1617 01:11:44 Grand Lux Suiteis on the top floor.
1618 01:11:46 Go, go, go! Move!
1619 01:11:47 Hurry, Lisa!
1620 01:12:51 What am I doing here?
1621 01:13:12 on, my God!
1622 01:13:13 Oh, my God, my favorite!
1623 01:13:16 That's so sweet.
1624 01:13:18 Oh, my God! This is a dream!
1625 01:13:21 It's, like, perfect! That is so nice!You're so sweet.
1626 01:13:24 It actually wasn't me.It was Kayla.
1627 01:13:27 She wanted you to havethe perfect night.
1628 01:13:29 That's why it looks so good.
1629 01:13:30 Well,
1630 01:13:32 why do you lookso good?
1631 01:13:33 You're such a dork.
1632 01:13:35 I know.
1633 01:13:39 On, my God!
1634 01:13:45 Not as smoothas I could have.
1635 01:13:52 Let me get my shoes.
1636 01:13:57 Kayla?
1637 01:14:04 Nobody move, where's Kayla?
1638 01:14:06 Kayla?
1639 01:14:07 Kayla?
1640 01:14:09 Get that outta here.
1641 01:14:12 Um, how's this work?No, just leave it.
1642 01:14:13 Okay, cool. Mmm-hmm.It's difficult.
1643 01:14:18 Play sports!
1644 01:14:26 And that's that.
1645 01:14:29 So, you sureyou wanna do this?
1646 01:14:31 Yeah.
1647 01:14:32 Yes! Fuck, yeah.
1648 01:14:33 You're gonna penis me.
1649 01:14:35 Yeah.
1650 01:14:36 First I'm gonna...
1651 01:14:38 I'm just gonna touch it.
1652 01:14:39 You wanna touch it?Yeah, you can touch it.
1653 01:14:41 Yeah, yeah, go for it.Okay, just, like...
1654 01:14:43 Oh! Wow!
1655 01:14:45 Okay. That is like the greatest feelingI've ever had in my entire life.
1656 01:14:49 Really?
1657 01:14:51 It doesn't just feel likea super-dry hand of a friend?
1658 01:14:55 No. Nope.
1659 01:14:58 Okay. So,
1660 01:15:00 do you wanna
1661 01:15:03 Put it in?
1662 01:15:07 No.
1663 01:15:09 Okay.
1664 01:15:10 I can't. I'm sorry.You know what?
1665 01:15:12 Look, we don't...
1666 01:15:14 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1667 01:15:16 Holy shit!Look at all of it.
1668 01:15:18 Oh, my gosh!I gotta get over.
1669 01:15:20 Okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.I'm sorry.
1670 01:15:23 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry,I'm so sorry. I just...
1671 01:15:26 It's okay.I was thinking about it
1672 01:15:27 and you, and then it just...
1673 01:15:29 I'm sorry.
1674 01:15:34 You're amazing.
1675 01:15:36 I know we're still virgins,
1676 01:15:38 but I feel different.You know?
1677 01:15:40 Yeah.
1678 01:15:43 I know.
1679 01:15:47 You ready to, uh, do this?
1680 01:15:51 Wait.
1681 01:15:52 Wait. Um...
1682 01:15:54 Ah, Shit.
1683 01:15:57 Shit.
1684 01:16:01 Maybe Julie was right.
1685 01:16:03 Like, maybe
1686 01:16:04 losing your virginity doesn'thave to be perfect, but...
1687 01:16:08 I feel like it should just be, like,a little bit more special than this.
1688 01:16:12 Yeah.Like, not cheesy, but...
1689 01:16:14 Like, if I was hard-pressedright now,
1690 01:16:16 I don't think I couldremember your last name.
1691 01:16:18 It's Aldrich.Aldrich!
1692 01:16:20 I thought it was Ostrich.
1693 01:16:21 I didn't realize that you're a virgin.You know?
1694 01:16:25 Yeah.
1695 01:16:26 Um, but, like, I'd stillbe down to do it
1696 01:16:30 but maybe, like, you know,
1697 01:16:32 when we get to knoweach other a little more.
1698 01:16:33 Like, maybe Mondayor something?
1699 01:16:36 Yeah.
1700 01:16:37 Not to, like,plan it and be weird.
1701 01:16:38 No, no, l can look at myschedule and see if it's...
1702 01:16:40 Okay.
1703 01:16:41 Pencil it in.
1704 01:16:44 Um, yeah, that's cool.Okay, cool.
1705 01:16:46 Let's just relax. We could do somelight journaling or something.
1706 01:16:49 Yeah, yeah, we could do that.
1707 01:16:53 Or we could do,like, other stuff.
1708 01:16:57 Yeah, like what?
1709 01:16:59 Like...
1710 01:17:01 Not sex, but...
1711 01:17:04 I'm still down for pleasure.
1712 01:17:15 You got this.
1713 01:17:17 Hey, guys, what's up?Anyone seen Sam?
1714 01:17:19 Anyone seen Sam?
1715 01:17:26 Chad!
1716 01:17:34 Oh, Jesus!
1717 01:17:37 What the...
1718 01:17:39 You again?
1719 01:17:40 You?What the fuck?
1720 01:17:41 What's your beefwith me, dude?
1721 01:17:42 I don't knowwho the fuck you are!
1722 01:17:44 I'm Jakemotherfucking Donahue!
1723 01:17:46 That name means nothing to me!
1724 01:17:48 Do you know what it's like to behumiliated in front of everyone you know
1725 01:17:51 and have to seekredemption for that?
1726 01:17:55 Actually, yes, I do!
1727 01:17:56 Kayla?
1728 01:17:58 Kayla?
1729 01:18:00 Kayla?
1730 01:18:01 Get the hell away from my daughter,you little piece of shit!
1731 01:18:04 Dad, what the...
1732 01:18:06 Oh, my God!
1733 01:18:07 Are you okay?He didn't hurt you, did he?
1734 01:18:09 What? No, he didn't hurt me.
1735 01:18:10 Holy shit! Connor?
1736 01:18:12 Oh, my God! Are you okay?
1737 01:18:14 I'm actually totally fine.
1738 01:18:16 Connor, I'm so sorry.
1739 01:18:17 Are you okay, though?Are you sure? Yeah.
1740 01:18:20 Dad! What the...
1741 01:18:21 What are you doing here?
1742 01:18:22 I've been following youaround all night!
1743 01:18:24 Are you set...Oh, my Gem!
1744 01:18:25 You've been following me?
1745 01:18:26 Are you crazy?You gave me no choice!
1746 01:18:28 You're in over your headwith this kid.
1747 01:18:29 lam not some pathetic damselin distress that needs saving.
1748 01:18:32 I can handle myself.No, you can't.
1749 01:18:33 Yes, I can!No, you can't!
1750 01:18:35 Yes, I can!Kayla,
1751 01:18:37 you can't.And that's why I'm here.
1752 01:18:40 It's my job.
1753 01:18:43 Oh.
1754 01:18:44 Yeah, so you just don't think I can makemy own decisions and handle myself.
1755 01:18:50 That really fucking sucks.
1756 01:18:55 Kayla...
1757 01:18:58 Kayla, I'm just tryingto figure this thing out.
1758 01:19:02 God! Why is sex even bad?
1759 01:19:09 I don't know. I don't know.It's not... You know, it's...
1760 01:19:14 I don't know.
1761 01:19:16 I'm...
1762 01:19:18 I'm just trying to bethe best dad I can be.
1763 01:19:21 Well, you are.
1764 01:19:24 You taught me everything.
1765 01:19:27 You built me up.
1766 01:19:30 Made me strong.
1767 01:19:32 You made me into who I am.Like, that's...
1768 01:19:37 You did not have to save metonight, Dad.
1769 01:19:40 You taught me how to do thata long time ago.
1770 01:19:45 And I love you for it.
1771 01:19:49 You're the best coach ever.
1772 01:19:56 Thank you.Thank you.
1773 01:19:59 Oh, Dad, come on.
1774 01:20:02 Come on, toughen up.
1775 01:20:05 It was just really nice,what you said.
1776 01:20:08 It's good. It's good.I mean it.
1777 01:20:11 Thanks, I feel like...
1778 01:20:12 Like Phil Jackson when hewas coaching the Bulls...
1779 01:20:17 And thenthey were so good.
1780 01:20:22 That's how I feel right now.Yeah.
1781 01:20:24 Uh, I should've takenmy socks off first.
1782 01:20:30 I'm just warning you, I've practiced a fewtimes but this might not go that well.
1783 01:20:33 That doesn't look right.
1784 01:20:34 Yeah, all right. I thinkyou need another one.
1785 01:20:35 I think we needanother one, too.
1786 01:20:36 Wait, wait.
1787 01:20:38 We have to do our dance.
1788 01:20:39 We have to... Yeah, yeah.What, now?
1789 01:20:41 Naked?
1790 01:20:42 No, get me one ofthose, um, hotel robes.
1791 01:20:44 I wanna feel fabulous.
1792 01:20:45 Okay.
1793 01:20:47 Coming right up, my lady.
1794 01:21:04 We're gonna christenevery corner of this room.
1795 01:21:07 And when we're done,
1796 01:21:08 let's FaceTime my parents.
1797 01:21:10 Okay, but right now, Iwant you to stare into my eyes.
1798 01:21:14 What?
1799 01:21:15 Mmm-hmm. I just want,like, a real connection.
1800 01:21:18 So you just want me tolook straight into your eyes
1801 01:21:20 for the next three minutes and 37 seconds?Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
1802 01:21:32 Look at me.
1803 01:22:50 Dad?Where is he?
1804 01:22:51 What are you doing here?
1805 01:22:52 Chad?
1806 01:22:53 Hey, Chad, you motherfucker.
1807 01:22:55 Oh, my God,are you kidding me?
1808 01:22:57 Did he make you do somethingyou don't wanna do?
1809 01:22:59 'Cause I don't care if he's thefucking coolest kid in school.
1810 01:23:01 I'm gonna shove his fedora sofar up his ass, it'll be a hat.
1811 01:23:05 No, Dad, we didn't do it.
1812 01:23:08 All right? And even if we did, itwould be none of your business.
1813 01:23:16 It's just, I was worried about you.
1814 01:23:19 Well, that's a first.
1815 01:23:22 I deserve that.
1816 01:23:24 Sam, I gotta tell yousomething and I'm just gonna say it.
1817 01:23:36 Sam, I have realized
1818 01:23:39 over the last few years
1819 01:23:43 that I've madea big mistake in my life.
1820 01:23:46 What, like cheating on my mom?
1821 01:23:48 Well, no. Marrying your mom.
1822 01:23:50 But, no, that wasn'ta mistake,
1823 01:23:53 because then I wouldn'thave had you. Uh...
1824 01:23:56 I've made lots of mistakes,but the big mistake
1825 01:24:02 is that I let what happenedbetween your mom and I
1826 01:24:07 get in the wayof our relationship.
1827 01:24:14 I'm sorry.
1828 01:24:17 And I hope that
1829 01:24:18 we can start over and
1830 01:24:21 build up our relationshipagain because
1831 01:24:25 you're my only kid.
1832 01:24:28 And I'm your only dad.
1833 01:24:30 Well, Frank is...Fuck Frank.
1834 01:24:37 Frank's fine.
1835 01:24:39 Dad,
1836 01:24:41 can I tell you something now?
1837 01:24:42 Yes. Yes, yes, yes, anything.
1838 01:24:45 I'm a lesbian.
1839 01:24:57 What does your mom think?
1840 01:24:58 She doesn't know.
1841 01:25:04 You told me beforeyou told your mom?
1842 01:25:06 Yeah.
1843 01:25:07 That's big news.
1844 01:25:09 She doesn't know?
1845 01:25:11 You didn't tell Frank?No.
1846 01:25:23 Ah.
1847 01:25:25 Okay. Over. Crying is over.
1848 01:25:28 What doyour girlfriends think?
1849 01:25:30 No, I'm too nervous,I can't tell them.
1850 01:25:32 You're nervousto tell Kayla and Julie?
1851 01:25:35 I don't wanna losemy two best friends.
1852 01:25:37 This is the stuff you tellthe people you care about.
1853 01:25:40 You think they're not gonnasupport you because you're gay?
1854 01:25:42 They would support youif you were a vampire.
1855 01:25:46 They would support you more. Withall the Twilight shit.
1856 01:25:50 Do we Still like Twilight?
1857 01:25:51 Definitely not.
1858 01:25:52 No, no.
1859 01:25:55 Oh, God.
1860 01:25:58 Thanks for showing up.
1861 01:26:00 Really. But you shouldprobably leave
1862 01:26:03 because it's insane that you evencame here in the first place.
1863 01:26:09 I'd love to geta picture with you.
1864 01:26:11 Yeah.
1865 01:26:12 Great. Okay.
1866 01:26:14 Just gonna stand on this.
1867 01:26:16 Yeah, you knowthe drill. Come on.
1868 01:26:18 Come on. Here we go.
1869 01:26:20 Gotta turn it around here.
1870 01:26:25 Dad, you're not taking it.
1871 01:26:30 What?
1872 01:26:33 I'll remember this.
1873 01:26:35 Come on.
1874 01:26:37 Oh, my God!
1875 01:26:39 What's up, dawg?
1876 01:26:40 So, I just, uh, parentedthe shit outta Sam.
1877 01:26:45 And I feel, uh...
1878 01:26:47 Oh, God, like, uh,
1879 01:26:49 pride, I think?That's it.
1880 01:26:51 It's new.
1881 01:26:53 Good for you, man.Thanks.
1882 01:26:55 Well done, my friend.Thank you.
1883 01:26:56 Well done.
1884 01:26:57 How'd it go with Kayla?
1885 01:26:59 Put Connor through a wall.
1886 01:27:01 Are you serious?
1887 01:27:02 Yeah. He's okay.
1888 01:27:04 Yeah, he's lighterthan I thought.
1889 01:27:07 Hey.
1890 01:27:08 Hi.
1891 01:27:09 So, Julie's, um...
1892 01:27:12 Julie's having sex right now.
1893 01:27:13 Okay. And sit down.Wowee.
1894 01:27:16 Yeah.
1895 01:27:17 But it's good.
1896 01:27:18 It's fine, right? I mean, youhave to do that eventually.
1897 01:27:21 Right?
1898 01:27:22 Are you good?Yeah.
1899 01:27:24 They seem like they really like each otherand that's nice. That's a good thing,
1900 01:27:27 but it's just a little,you know, scary,
1901 01:27:30 because what if he doesn't know howto do it right? You know, like,
1902 01:27:34 what if he doesn't knowwhere to put it.
1903 01:27:36 But he knows, right?Should I go back up there?
1904 01:27:38 No! No, no, no, no.No, he'll figure it out.
1905 01:27:40 It's one or the other.
1906 01:27:41 Nope. Stay right here.
1907 01:27:43 Do you wanna havea drink right now?
1908 01:27:47 Like, hang out?
1909 01:27:48 Yeah.
1910 01:27:50 Yes, I do.
1911 01:27:51 I'm in. I'm definitely in.
1912 01:27:54 Um, we will be having someshots of alcohol, please.
1913 01:27:56 Yes, we will.
1914 01:27:57 This is crazy.
1915 01:28:00 Well, I'm gonna, uh...
1916 01:28:02 I'll let you guys haveyour fun, and l will, uh...
1917 01:28:06 I'm... I'm gonnasee you guys around.
1918 01:28:13 Hey!
1919 01:28:16 You, too.
1920 01:28:19 Yeah.
1921 01:28:21 Right!
1922 01:28:22 Fuck,yeah!
1923 01:28:24 Pifia colada.
1924 01:28:25 Just get him a shot.
1925 01:28:29 Cheers!
1926 01:28:30 What a night, guys.
1927 01:28:31 That's beautiful.
1928 01:28:35 So, I don't think the kid at the lakehouse was actually butt-chugging.
1929 01:28:40 Definitely.Yeah.
1930 01:28:41 What?Yeah.
1931 01:28:43 And so he threw methrough a table...
1932 01:28:45 - I'm so sorry.- No, it was cool.
1933 01:28:48 I kinda feel fine. It's cool.All right, see you.
1934 01:28:49 See you.
1935 01:28:51 Hey, guys.
1936 01:28:52 - Austin, uh, let's go get a drink, man.- Yeah, sure.
1937 01:28:54 Want a fry?
1938 01:28:55 So badly.
1939 01:28:59 Can I have a fry, too?
1940 01:29:01 Yeah!Yes.
1941 01:29:04 So?
1942 01:29:06 I couldn'tgo through with it.
1943 01:29:08 Yeah, l didn't. No.
1944 01:29:15 Holy shit.
1945 01:29:16 You're a woman amongst girls.
1946 01:29:18 Julie!Congratu-fuck-ulations.
1947 01:29:20 Thank you.How was it?
1948 01:29:21 Honestly,
1949 01:29:22 it was a little painful, kindafast, and kinda awkward...
1950 01:29:26 But absolutely perfect.
1951 01:29:27 AW!
1952 01:29:30 You guys, so muchwent down tonight.
1953 01:29:33 I know.Including...
1954 01:29:35 Connor!
1955 01:29:36 No!Let's just say...
1956 01:29:38 The Chef went out to eat my pussy.
1957 01:29:43 It was good.
1958 01:29:44 DJ Chad.ls that Chad?
1959 01:29:48 That's Chad.That's Chad.
1960 01:29:49 Chad!
1961 01:29:50 Screammy name Yes, Chad!
1962 01:29:52 Fuck yeah, Chad!
1963 01:29:53 I love me
1964 01:29:55 Gonna love myself No, Idon't need anybody else
1965 01:29:58 Hey.
1966 01:29:59 Gonna love myselfNo, I don't need anybody else
1967 01:30:01 I love me...
1968 01:30:09 Guys, I gottatell you something.
1969 01:30:11 Okay.
1970 01:30:16 Really?
1971 01:30:17 Yeah.Wait, you are?
1972 01:30:19 Yeah.
1973 01:30:20 I love you. Forever.
1974 01:30:24 And you, too.
1975 01:30:25 Oh, my God!
1976 01:30:27 I love you.
1977 01:30:28 Sam!
1978 01:30:29 Excuse me.
1979 01:30:30 I can't believeyou didn't tell us!
1980 01:30:31 Y Iay"
1981 01:30:33 Ta-da-da-da!Aw.
1982 01:30:37 Oh, hey!Hey.
1983 01:30:38 Hey!Hi.
1984 01:30:40 Oh.
1985 01:30:41 Uh, Julie, I think we gotsomething over here.
1986 01:30:47 Dope cape.
1987 01:30:51 I'm not misreading things.
1988 01:31:19 So you'll call me every daytill you get to L.A., right?
1989 01:31:22 Yeah, and then, like,every day after that.
1990 01:31:23 Okay.I'm gonna miss you so much.
1991 01:31:26 You're gonna be okay, though.
1992 01:31:28 Are you gonna be okay?
1993 01:31:29 Yeah, I'm fine. It's theweirdest thing because
1994 01:31:32 I have been worriedabout this day for 18 years.
1995 01:31:37 And then
1996 01:31:39 I wake up this morningand... Nothing.
1997 01:31:43 Like, I don't feel emotional at all.I just feel like...
1998 01:31:47 It's so bizarre.What is that?
1999 01:31:50 It's, like, splashing on me.I know.
2000 01:31:52 Isn't that so strange?Yeah.
2001 01:31:57 I love you, Mom.
2002 01:31:59 I love you.
2003 01:32:03 No, I have money. Like...
2004 01:32:04 Lisa, tell himI can afford... Mmm.
2005 01:32:07 Sorry, sorry.
2006 01:32:08 All right, come on.
2007 01:32:11 Let's get this road trip started!
2008 01:32:13 I love you.
2009 01:32:15 Okay.
2010 01:32:16 Hold on.Let me take a video.
2011 01:32:29 - I love you.- I love you.
2012 01:32:31 Bye, Mom.
2013 01:32:33 - I love you. Muah.- Okay, bye.
2014 01:32:35 See ya.Drop Julie off in Cali
2015 01:32:37 and then you and Kayla come rightback home, and text, please.
2016 01:32:39 - That's a big maybe.- Please.
2017 01:32:40 Hey, take care ofmy mom, you two. Okay?
2018 01:32:42 - We will. All right.- Later, big guy.
2019 01:32:44 I'm going to college!
2020 01:32:45 Drive careful, young man.That's precious cargo.
2021 01:32:47 I love you!
2022 01:32:50 Aww.
2023 01:32:51 Come on.Guys.
2024 01:32:52 - Come on. We did it.- We did it.
2025 01:32:55 We did it. We parented.
2026 01:32:57 We did it.We did it.
2027 01:33:01 Oop! It's Julie.
2028 01:33:03 Oh, I must have been accidentallyadded to the group conversation.
2029 01:33:07 Oh, well,should probably leave.
2030 01:33:09 "Can't believe we're onour own now."
2031 01:33:11 Aw, that's sweet.Yeah.
2032 01:33:12 "We're gonna get lit af."
2033 01:33:15 "Lit AF."That's not great.
2034 01:33:17 No, that's... They're gonna get literature.African literature.
2035 01:33:20 You think that's what "lit AF" means?You think
2036 01:33:21 they're talking to each other about...Lit AF.
2037 01:33:22 "Can The Chef get us..."
2038 01:33:25 Trees?What the hell's trees?
2039 01:33:26 Trees mean weed, I told you that.Mushrooms. Pills.
2040 01:33:28 No, the pills are Kayla's allergy.That's Claritin.
2041 01:33:30 It's not Claritin. Look,snowflakes. That's blow.
2042 01:33:33 "Hashtag, no parents, no rules.Hashtag, mad drugs.
2043 01:33:35 "Hashtag, no condoms"?
2044 01:33:38 Why wouldthey hashtag that?
2045 01:33:40 Wait, is that a needleand an eggplant?
2046 01:33:42 What, are they gonna injectheroin into some guy's dick'?
2047 01:33:45 Let's go.Let's get in the car.
2048 01:33:46 I'll drive.I'm sitting behind you.
2049 01:33:48 Wait, wait, wait!
2050 01:33:50 We'rejust messing with you! Ha-ha!
2051 01:33:53 "We love you guys,don't worry."
2052 01:33:56 You guys were so pranked!I was in on it.
2053 01:33:59 You didn't know.
2054 01:34:00 No, no, I did. I didn't knowit was coming right now.
2055 01:34:02 That's why I kindasold it so well.
2056 01:34:03 But it doesn't matter.You guys were like...
2057 01:34:05 "Holy Shit!"
2058 01:34:07 Yeah.
2059 01:34:26 Damn it, Mitchell!
2060 01:34:28 Marco?
2061 01:34:30 Polo.
2062 01:34:33 Mitchell, are yougetting a snack?
2063 01:34:37 I'm so glad we can do stuff likethis now that Kayla's in college.
2064 01:34:40 I have no ideawhere you are.
2065 01:34:43 I'm gonna do so much stuffto you when I find you.
2066 01:34:45 Oh. Oh.
2067 01:34:47 Marco.Polo.
2068 01:34:48 Ah! Ah!Polo!
2069 01:34:50 I can't believe it,it took you forever!
2070 01:34:51 I spent so much timeon the stairs!
2071 01:34:53 We're doing this. I know.We're, like, totally doing it.
2072 01:34:55 Let's just get crazy. I don't know!It's hot. VVhoo!
2073 01:34:57 I want you to grab my balls,like Ron likes it, like hard.