坏妈妈的圣诞节(A Bad Moms Christmas)(CN/EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:46 我会独自享受 I'll have a blue Christmas
2 00:00:51 无你左右的蓝色圣诞节 Without you
3 00:00:55 思绪受你牵引 I'll be so blue
4 00:00:59 我定如此优伤 Thinkin' about you
5 00:01:05 你会过得很好 You'll be doin' alright
6 00:01:10 在你的白色圣诞节里 With your Christmas of white
7 00:01:15 但我只继续享受 But I'll have a blue
8 00:01:19 这孤单的圣诞节 Blue Christmas
9 00:01:25 我是艾米·米切尔I'm Amy Mitchell.
10 00:01:27 今年And this year
11 00:01:28 我毁了圣诞节I ruined Christmas.
12 00:01:31 圣诞节是目前为止Christmas is by far
13 00:01:33 最让妈妈们充满压力的时间the most stressful time of the year for moms.
14 00:01:35 有成千上万件琐事要去做There are a million things to do.
15 00:01:38 你还得把它们都完美地做好And you have to do them all perfectly
16 00:01:40 否则你永远都不会原谅自己or else you will never forgive yourself.
17 00:01:42 更重要的是 你的孩子也不会原谅你And more importantly, neither will your kids.
18 00:01:45 此刻我感觉就像I literally feel like
19 00:01:47 是世界上最糟糕的妈妈一样the worst mom in the world right now.
20 00:01:55 也许我们应该回到圣诞前开始Maybe I should start at the beginning.
21 00:02:04 我一直很爱圣诞节I've always loved Christmas.
22 00:02:06 这是我一年中最喜欢的时候It's my favorite time of the year.
23 00:02:09 最重要的是 我爱和我家人共度的时光Most of all, I love the time with my family.
24 00:02:15 因为我所想要的Because all I want
25 00:02:17 所有母亲们想要的all any mom wants
26 00:02:19 那就是让她的孩子们能有一个超棒的圣诞节is for their kids to have an amazing Christmas.
27 00:02:22 不能像你那样爱我 Can't love me like you
28 00:02:23 爱 爱 爱 爱 L-O-V-E
29 00:02:26 也就是说 圣诞有一大堆工作要做That said, Christmas is an insane amount of work.
30 00:02:30 首先 你得为每个你见过的人First, you have to buy gifts
31 00:02:32 买礼物for every human being you've ever met.
32 00:02:34 今年我送了给我倒咖啡的小哥一个香薰蜡烛I gave my coffee guy a scented candle this year.
33 00:02:38 为什么我要那样做Why did I do that?
34 00:02:40 然后 你得装饰你的房子Then, you have to decorate your house
35 00:02:42 实话说 我不太擅长做这个which, clearly, I suck at.
36 00:02:44 我已经尽力了 夏曼茵I'm doing the best I can, Charmaine!
37 00:02:48 再然后 你得去参加你孩子们的圣诞表演Then, you have to go to all your kids' Christmas shows
38 00:02:51 这个就which are...
39 00:02:54 还好吧Yeah.
40 00:02:56 接着 到处是夸张的圣诞派对Then, there's all the over-the-top Christmas parties.
41 00:02:59 天啦Oh, my God.
42 00:03:00 这是龙虾圣诞帽吗Are these lobster Santa hats?
43 00:03:02 现在有这玩意儿了吗Are these a thing now?
44 00:03:04 我操什么鬼What the fuck?
45 00:03:06 然后是下厨Then, there's all the cooking
46 00:03:08 打扫all the cleaning
47 00:03:10 包装all the wrapping.
48 00:03:11 快疯了It's insane!
49 00:03:14 时间永远都不够There's just never enough time.
50 00:03:16 Argh!
51 00:03:17 圣诞节前6天
52 00:03:26 -嗨 妈妈 -嗨- Hi, mom. - Hey.
53 00:03:27 -嘿 -比赛如何- Hey! - How was the game?
54 00:03:28 非常棒 公牛队赢了It was great! The Bulls won.
55 00:03:30 -恭喜 -恭喜- Yes! Congratulations. - Yes!
56 00:03:33 -亲爱的 -宝贝我爱你- Hi, honey. - I love you, baby.
57 00:03:34 哇 你的房子看起来很棒Wow. Your house looks really great.
58 00:03:36 谢谢Oh, thank you.
59 00:03:38 我还有很多没做…I still-I still got lots left to do, but...
60 00:03:40 我可以帮什么忙吗Can I do anything to help?
61 00:03:41 没有 除非你知道No, no, not unless you know how
62 00:03:43 如何用魔法修好圣诞灯to magically fix Christmas lights.
63 00:03:44 是的 我可以Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.
64 00:03:46 只需要换个保险丝Yeah, you just swap out the fuse.
65 00:03:47 很简单It's pretty easy.
66 00:03:49 不骗你 你真性感That's pretty hot. I won't lie.
67 00:03:52 今晚你绝对会得到一个惊喜Oh, you're definitely getting the gold-star treatment tonight.
68 00:03:54 我喜欢 把惊喜留到最后I like that, but hold that thought.
69 00:03:56 好的Okay.
70 00:03:59 哦 你爸真的太棒了Oh. Your dad is awesome.
71 00:04:02 我以为你讨厌他I thought you hated him.
72 00:04:04 什么 亲爱的 为什么你会这样说What? No, honey, what? Why would you say that?
73 00:04:08 上周你来的时候When you came over to the house last week
74 00:04:10 我听见你和爸爸在卧室I heard you and daddy in the bedroom
75 00:04:12 你在不停对他尖叫and you kept screaming at him.
76 00:04:15 哦 是Oh, yeah.
77 00:04:17 不 甜心 那是No, honey, those were...
78 00:04:19 那是快乐的尖叫Those were happy screams.
79 00:04:20 听起来并不快乐They didn't sound happy.
80 00:04:22 然后你锤在墙上And then you punched the wall
81 00:04:24 吼出了F开头的字and yelled the F-word.
82 00:04:26 好 我Okay, I-I, um...
83 00:04:29 我不太记得Yeah, I don't, I don't really recall
84 00:04:30 有那样过doing that, so, yeah.
85 00:04:32 -我不知道是否有发生过 -发生过- I don't know if that happened. - You did.
86 00:04:33 你就像这样 “哦 我操”You were like, "Oh, my fucking God!"
87 00:04:36 就像这样Just like that.
88 00:04:37 “喔 我操”"Oh, my fucking God!"
89 00:04:39 好了 好了 嘘嘘Okay, alright. Shh! Shh!
90 00:04:41 是这样的Um, here's the thing.
91 00:04:43 你爸和我是在玩一个有趣的Your dad and I were just playing a fun
92 00:04:45 大人玩的游戏little grown-up game.
93 00:04:46 你们玩了七次You played the game seven times.
94 00:04:49 六次半啦 但谁会去数啊Six and a half. But who's counting?
95 00:04:50 这样 我们Here's the thing, let's just not...
96 00:04:52 不要再讨论这件事了Let's just not talk about this.
97 00:04:53 -好吗 -成交- Cool? - Cool.
98 00:04:55 -来 击掌 -好的- High-five. Awesome. - Got it.
99 00:05:01 哦 不Oh, no.
100 00:05:04 怎么了What is it?
101 00:05:07 我妈要来过圣诞My mother's coming for Christmas.
102 00:05:10 哦 我操Oh, my fucking God!
103 00:05:16 谢谢帮我装饰圣诞树 小家伙们Thanks for helping me decorate the tree, guys.
104 00:05:21 伯纳德 一起把它们挂树上好吗Bernard, let's hang 'em on the tree. Okay, buddy?
105 00:05:24 哦 谁把这个大的棕色装饰Oh, who put the big brown ornament
106 00:05:25 挂在树的正前方了？right on the front of the tree?
107 00:05:27 -它看起来像便便 -是的 宝贝- It looks like doodie. - Yes, it does, baby.
108 00:05:29 所以妈咪打算把它移到背面去And that's why mommy's gonna move it around back.
109 00:05:31 哦 不要 宝贝Oh, no, sweetie
110 00:05:32 不要喝树的水we don't drink the tree water.
111 00:05:34 不要喝树的水We don't drink the tree water
112 00:05:35 因为我们是人 好吗'cause we're people, right?
113 00:05:37 妈咪 真的有圣诞老人吗Mommy, is there a Santa Claus?
114 00:05:39 当然有啦You bet there is, buddy.
115 00:05:40 -好啦 -你在骗我吗 妈咪- I know. - Are you lying to me, mommy?
116 00:05:43 哦 天哪 不要哭了Oh, God, make it stop.
117 00:05:45 你还有什么骗了我What else have you lied about?
118 00:05:47 -嘿 宝贝 -嗨 爸爸- Hey, babe. - Hey, dad.
119 00:05:49 -嘿 小家伙们 -嗨- Hi, guys. - Hi.
120 00:05:51 -你还好吗 -是的- You alright? - Yeah.
121 00:05:54 -圣诞树看起来棒极了 -谢谢- Tree looks great. - Thank you.
122 00:05:55 -要我来喂双胞胎吗 -是的 拜托了- Want me to feed the twins? - Yes, please.
123 00:05:57 -嘿 小家伙 看到你很高兴 -谢谢- Hey, buddy. Good to see you. - Thank you.
124 00:05:59 -我们去吃点东西 -宝贝 不哭啦- Let's get some food. - It's okay, buddy.
125 00:06:00 不哭啦Aw, it's alright.
126 00:06:08 哈 圣诞快乐 琪琪Hah! Merry Christmas, Kiki!
127 00:06:11 -妈 嗨 -哦 天哪- Mom? Hi! - Oh... my... gosh!
128 00:06:15 我以为你周五才来I thought you weren't coming until Friday.
129 00:06:17 我只是上了早一些的航班Well, I just hopped on an earlier flight.
130 00:06:19 -提早了三天吗 -哦- Three days earlier? - Oh.
131 00:06:23 我还没有把客房收拾好I-I haven't made up the guest bedroom or anything.
132 00:06:25 没关系 我和你睡That's okay. I'll just sleep with you.
133 00:06:27 大汤匙和小汤匙Big spoon, little spoon.
134 00:06:29 现在我和我老公睡I usually sleep with my husband now.
135 00:06:31 嘿 你想看我做的运动衫吗Hey, you wanna see the sweatshirt I made?
136 00:06:34 我喜欢这个图案I love this picture.
137 00:06:37 看 你和你的小胸胸And look, you were just getting your little tiny breasts.
138 00:06:40 -其中一个啦 -你刚到这儿- Well, one of 'em, anyway. - You just got here.
139 00:06:42 我们就不要讨论我的胸了Let's not talk about my breasts.
140 00:06:43 -然后另一个就蹦出来了 -是的- Then the other one popped out. - Yeah.
141 00:06:45 谢天谢地Thank goodness!
142 00:06:47 哦 琪琪Oh, Keeks!
143 00:06:49 如果你办事得当If you play your cards right, you could get
144 00:06:51 你也会得到一件像这样的圣诞礼物a sweatshirt just like this for Christmas.
145 00:06:53 哦 不用啦Oh, no.
146 00:06:55 哦 琪琪·迪依 我迫不及待地要Oh, Kiki Dee, I cannot wait
147 00:06:58 在接下来的三周每时每刻to spend every waking minute
148 00:07:02 与你共度了of the next three weeks with you.
149 00:07:03 嗯Hmm...
150 00:07:05 哦Oh!
151 00:07:07 嗯Hmm...
152 00:07:10 你在闻我的头发吗Are you smelling my hair?
153 00:07:11 是的Yes.
154 00:07:20 哦 天哪Oh, my God.
155 00:07:22 如果我再脱一个阴门的毛If I have to wax one more pussy today
156 00:07:24 我都要熄火了I'm gonna black out.
157 00:07:26 什么时候开始美国女人们Since when did every woman in America
158 00:07:27 都要在圣诞的时候除去阴毛的？need a completely hairless vagina on Christmas?
159 00:07:33 还有人要脱毛吗Anyone else here for a wax?
160 00:07:37 天哪 感觉像50多个阴道Oh, my God, that's like 50 more vaginas.
161 00:07:40 好吧 下一个是谁Okay, who's next?
162 00:07:44 哦 不 不是你 北美野人Oh, no, not you, sasquatch.
163 00:07:46 现在我没办法处理你的I can't handle you right now.
164 00:07:48 嗯 我看看Hmm, let's see.
165 00:07:52 哦 你 贝蒂·怀特Oh. You. Betty White.
166 00:07:56 我很好奇I'm intrigued.
167 00:07:58 随我来Come with me.
168 00:08:13 小姐 近来如何啊Hey, what's up, lady?
169 00:08:17 -妈妈 -哈哈- Mom? - Ha-ha!
170 00:08:18 慢着 他妈的是怎么回事Wait, what the actual fuck?
171 00:08:23 哦 天哪Oh, my God!
172 00:08:24 哦 天哪 天哪Ah! My God! My God!
173 00:08:28 哦 上帝啊Oh, my God!
174 00:08:31 慢着 你都没告诉我Wait, I... Well, you didn't tell me
175 00:08:32 你会来过圣诞you were coming for Christmas.
176 00:08:34 到圣诞了吗It's Christmas?
177 00:08:36 是啊 你不是因为这个来的吗Uh, yeah. Isn't that why you're here?
178 00:08:37 是的是的 就是我来的原因Totally! Totally why I'm here.
179 00:08:39 圣诞快乐 宝贝 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas, lady. Merry Christmas.
180 00:08:42 上帝啊 瞧瞧你Jesus, look at you!
181 00:08:44 你看起来都没变老You bitch, you don't age at all.
182 00:08:45 你看起来真他妈的性感Look how fucking hot you look!
183 00:08:47 瞧瞧你这对大胸Look at those boobs.
184 00:08:48 哦 谢谢 你看起来有点变老了Oh, thanks. You're lookin' a little bit older.
185 00:08:51 但还好 看起来还好But good, you look good.
186 00:08:53 好像三年没见了吧What's it been, like three years?
187 00:08:55 三年吗Three?
188 00:08:56 哇 真的吗Whoa, really?
189 00:08:58 哦 宝贝 我都不知道Oh, gosh. I don't know, babe.
190 00:08:59 我不太懂今年是怎么回事I don't really know what year it is.
191 00:09:02 你为什么穿着黑色的睡衣Why are you wearing black pajamas?
192 00:09:04 哦 不是 我Oh, uh... No, yeah, I, uh...
193 00:09:07 我在一家水疗店上班I work at a spa.
194 00:09:09 你他妈有工作了？You have a fucking job?
195 00:09:12 是的 是的Yeah. Yeah.
196 00:09:15 我在努力变得更有责任感I'm tryin' to be more responsible and shit.
197 00:09:17 哦 你总是那么奇怪Oh, you always were so weird.
198 00:09:24 所以 你到底为什么来这 妈So why are you really here, mom?
199 00:09:25 你什么意思What do you mean?
200 00:09:27 因为你只在需要钱的时候来这儿Well, you only come when you need money.
201 00:09:30 哦 不是的 不是的Uh, oh... No, no, no.
202 00:09:32 我没再赌博了I don't gamble anymore.
203 00:09:34 我只是在复活节来这看看No, I'm just here to see
204 00:09:35 我的女儿my daughter on Easter.
205 00:09:36 -圣诞节 -哦 圣诞节- Christmas. - Christmas.
206 00:09:39 所以我觉得我们应该庆祝一下So I think we should celebrate.
207 00:09:41 机场在放着I know, Thunder Down Under
208 00:09:44 《澳洲惊雷》is playing by the airport.
209 00:09:46 我想我们应该好好玩一把I think we should hit that hard.
210 00:09:49 -男脱衣舞娘？ -是的- Male strippers? - Yeah.
211 00:09:51 -和你 -是的- With my mother? - Mm-hm-hm.
212 00:09:53 在圣诞节这天On Christmas?
213 00:09:55 是的Yeah.
214 00:09:57 我怎么能拒绝How could I say no?
215 00:09:59 一起去鞭打维也纳小香肠们吧 贱人Let's go slap some wieners, bitch!
216 00:10:01 -我女儿真棒！-啊呼- Alright! That's my girl. - Whoo!
217 00:10:03 哦 天哪 杰克森看到你Oh, my God, Jaxon is gonna
218 00:10:05 会尿屁股的shit himself when he sees you.
219 00:10:07 还是那个孩子吗Still got that kid, huh?
220 00:10:08 是的Yup, yup.
221 00:10:09 多大了How old is he now?
222 00:10:11 15或者17岁Oh, 15 or 17.
223 00:10:13 -哦 真可爱 -是的- Oh, cute, cute. - Yeah.
224 00:10:15 圣诞节前6天
225 00:10:20 所以你爸妈从来没有So your mom and dad have never
226 00:10:21 来这过过圣诞节吗been here on Christmas before?
227 00:10:22 是的Um, no, no.
228 00:10:24 好了 慢着 你觉得我做的食物够了没Okay, wait, do you, do you think that I made enough food?
229 00:10:26 你认真的吗Uh, seriously?
230 00:10:28 我可以做法式咸派 我要做法式咸派I can make quiche. I'm gonna go make quiche.
231 00:10:29 宝贝一切都很好Babe, everything's gonna be fine.
232 00:10:31 不 亲爱的 还不够好No, honey, it's not gonna be fine.
233 00:10:33 我妈是这个世界上最严苛的人My mom is the most critical human being on the planet.
234 00:10:37 在我六岁的时候When I was six years old
235 00:10:39 我给她做了生日卡片I made her a birthday card.
236 00:10:41 她做满标注后又还给了我And she returned it with notes.
237 00:10:42 好吧 真是糟透了Okay, that's fucked up.
238 00:10:43 重点是她对每件事要求完美The point is she's perfect
239 00:10:45 基本不可能取悦她at everything and she is impossible to please.
240 00:10:48 但如果基本不可能取悦她But if she's impossible to please
241 00:10:49 为什么你还这么努力取悦她why're you tryin' so hard to please her?
242 00:10:50 听好 真相是Listen, I'll tell you the truth.
243 00:10:52 女儿们一生都在努力Daughters spend their whole lives trying
244 00:10:53 取悦她们的母亲 而母亲to please their mothers, and mothers
245 00:10:54 一生都在spend their whole lives
246 00:10:55 对她们女儿喷粪shitting all over their daughters.
247 00:10:57 世界不就是这样的么 好吧 我搞不定这个问题It's just how the world works. Okay? I can't fix that.
248 00:10:59 我不是他妈的碧昂丝I'm not, I'm not fucking Beyoncé.
249 00:11:01 对我而言 你是Well, y-y-you are to me.
250 00:11:03 -哈 -我爱你- Ugh. - I love you.
251 00:11:05 我爱你I love you.
252 00:11:06 -嗯 -OK- Mmm. - Okay.
253 00:11:08 你觉得你妈妈会喜欢我吗You think your mom's gonna like me?
254 00:11:09 不会No.
255 00:11:12 抱歉我来迟了I'm sorry we're late.
256 00:11:13 汉克开车像个娘们儿Hank drives like a girl.
257 00:11:15 圣诞快乐 外祖母 外祖父Merry Christmas, grandma and grandpa!
258 00:11:16 圣诞快乐 外祖父Merry Christmas, grandpa!
259 00:11:17 -圣诞快乐 -圣诞快乐- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas!
260 00:11:18 圣诞快乐 爸爸Merry Christmas, dad.
261 00:11:20 来 X-BOXHere, have some X-Boxes.
262 00:11:21 -真的吗 -非常感谢- Are you serious? - Thank you so much.
263 00:11:23 妈妈从来不会给我们这些Mum would never let us have these.
264 00:11:24 谢谢Thank you.
265 00:11:26 嗨 瑞德门女士 我是杰西Hi, Ms. Redmond, I'm Jessie.
266 00:11:29 很高兴见到你It's so nice to meet you.
267 00:11:30 请把这些包放楼上 万分感谢Please take the bags upstairs. Gracias.
268 00:11:35 好吧 妈妈Okay. Hi, mom.
269 00:11:37 -艾米 -嗨- Amy. - Hi.
270 00:11:38 -你看起来面色苍白 -哦- You look pale. - Oh.
271 00:11:40 我在试一种新的护肤品I'm just trying out a new skin thing.
272 00:11:41 哦 还好 只是化妆技术烂Oh, good, it's just bad makeup.
273 00:11:43 不是你要死了You're not dying.
274 00:11:44 你的圣诞树呢Where's your tree?
275 00:11:45 我还没来得及准备I-I haven't had time to get one yet.
276 00:11:47 艾米 今天是12月19号了Amy, it's December 19th.
277 00:11:49 就算是犹太人现在也准备好了圣诞树Even the Jews have Christmas trees by now.
278 00:11:51 没关系 明天我们会准备一棵Never mind, we'll get one tomorrow.
279 00:11:52 好的- Okay. - Huh.
280 00:11:54 对了 你有准备好吃的吗Yeah. Do you have any food?
281 00:11:57 我已经三天没吃了I haven't eaten in three days.
282 00:11:58 是的 我准备了 其实做的全是你喜欢的Yeah. Oh, gosh, yes. I actual... I have all your favorites.
283 00:12:01 真可爱It's adorable.
284 00:12:03 你让你的孩子下厨了You let your kids cook.
285 00:12:07 好吧Okay.
286 00:12:09 我不知道莱爱德公司也做圣诞装饰Oh, I didn't know Rite Aid made Christmas decorations.
287 00:12:12 所以我有一整周的时间来计划So I have the whole week planned out.
288 00:12:14 星期四我们会看《胡桃夹子》On Thursday, we'll see "The Nutcracker."
289 00:12:16 接下来 当然我们就唱圣诞圣歌And then, of course, on Friday, we'll all go caroling.
290 00:12:18 不幸的是 麦克是我们的男中音Unfortunately, Mike was our baritone
291 00:12:20 而你在和他离婚and you're divorcing him.
292 00:12:22 所以如果我们想在今年圣诞圣歌大赛中获胜的话So we're gonna have to fill that hole
293 00:12:24 就得填补这个空缺if we're gonna win the Caroling Cup this year.
294 00:12:26 哦 天哪 圣诞圣歌大赛Oh, God, the Caroling Cup?
295 00:12:27 亲爱的 我生活在这儿的时候Darling, when I lived here
296 00:12:29 我们赢了九次we won the Caroling Cup nine times.
297 00:12:33 你要放弃我们家族赢得比赛的传统It's too bad you've given up on
298 00:12:34 真是太糟糕了our family's tradition of winning.
299 00:12:36 是的 我猜我是刚好有点忙 所以Yeah, I guess I've just been a little busy, so...
300 00:12:38 呼 明显没去健身房Well, clearly not at the gym. Whoop.
301 00:12:42 我想庆祝我凯旋回到芝加哥I want to celebrate my triumphant return to Chicago.
302 00:12:45 我要在你房子里开一场盛大的派对I wanna throw an enormous Christmas party at your house.
303 00:12:47 我想的是平安夜那天 如果方便的话So I was thinking Christmas Eve, if that's convenient.
304 00:12:50 什么 不 不方便What? No. That's not convenient.
305 00:12:52 我的意思是我们可以邀请我所有的老朋友I mean, we can invite all of my old friends
306 00:12:54 我们可以弄一个寿司台and we can have a sushi station
307 00:12:56 我们可以雇肯尼吉and we can hire Kenny G
308 00:12:58 来演奏圣诞音乐to play Christmas music.
309 00:12:59 我听说他收费已经不贵了I hear he's not even that expensive anymore.
310 00:13:01 是的 好吧 这听起来好像有很多工作要做Yeah, okay, that-that sounds like a lot of work.
311 00:13:03 是 真是太糟糕了 我早就邀请了每个人了Yeah. It's too bad, I've already invited everyone.
312 00:13:06 -去哪儿 我家吗 -是的- Where, to my house? - Yes.
313 00:13:08 184个人会来A 184 people are coming.
314 00:13:10 什么What?
315 00:13:11 为什么我还没有收到你的Why haven't I gotten a Christmas card
316 00:13:12 圣诞卡片from you yet?
317 00:13:13 我不知道 妈妈I don't know, mom.
318 00:13:15 我猜只是哪儿出了点错I-I-I guess it just fell through the cracks.
319 00:13:16 你发生了什么What is happening with you?
320 00:13:18 没什么 我没有发生什么Nothing. Nothing's happening to me.
321 00:13:19 艾米 这是圣诞节Amy, this is Christmas.
322 00:13:21 是个大节日It's the big show.
323 00:13:23 -我知道 -你不能游手好闲- I know. - You can't dick around.
324 00:13:25 -我没有游手好闲 -我感觉你在游手好闲- I'm not dicking around. - I feel you're dicking around.
325 00:13:27 妈 说实话我没有游手好闲Mom, I'm honestly not dicking around.
326 00:13:29 是的 你就在游手好闲Yes, you are dicking around.
327 00:13:30 我能看出你在游手好闲I can tell when you're dicking around.
328 00:13:32 我没游手好闲I'm not dicking around.
329 00:13:33 -放屁 就是游手好闲 -好吧- Dick, dick around. - Okay.
330 00:13:34 好吧Okay.
331 00:13:36 我没有游手好闲I'm not dicking around.
332 00:13:38 行 别说脏话了Alright, enough with the bad language.
333 00:13:40 好吧Okay.
334 00:13:42 -我喜欢你的头发 -真的吗- I like your hair. - Really?
335 00:13:44 是的 看起来就像你没有很努力的样子Yeah, it looks like you're not trying so hard.
336 00:13:47 爱你Yeah. Love you.
337 00:13:52 哦Oh...
338 00:13:54 圣诞节前4天
339 00:13:57 我受不了和我妈一起过圣诞I can't do Christmas with my mother.
340 00:14:00 就像和伊拉克总统海珊一起生活It's like living with Saddam Hussein.
341 00:14:02 我妈和我呆一起的时候My mom is only staying with me
342 00:14:03 我觉得她就是想占用我看电视的时间because I think she wants to steal my TV.
343 00:14:05 哦 今晚我还得和我妈一起Oh, I have to go Christmas tree shopping
344 00:14:07 买圣诞树with my mother tonight.
345 00:14:08 感觉就像Yeah, it's like, it's like going
346 00:14:10 围着这个城市on a seven-hour death march
347 00:14:12 七小时的死亡行军之旅around the city.
348 00:14:13 我女儿很想要My daughter really wants
349 00:14:14 一个快乐公主洋娃娃a Happy Happy Princess Doll
350 00:14:16 我找了每个地方and I have looked everywhere
351 00:14:18 根本不知道哪里有for it and I don't know where it is.
352 00:14:23 姐妹儿们 哪里有呢Where is she, guys?
353 00:14:24 哪里有快乐公主洋娃娃呢Where is Happy Happy Princess?
354 00:14:26 哦 天哪Oh, my God.
355 00:14:27 我知道这只是一个洋娃娃 但是上帝啊I know it's just a doll, but God.
356 00:14:29 今年圣诞简直要了我的命Christmas is killing me this year.
357 00:14:33 我操Holy fuck.
358 00:14:35 在所有驯鹿中 Out of all the reindeer
359 00:14:37 你知道你是领头鹿 You know you're the mastermind
360 00:14:42 跑吧跑吧鲁道夫 Run run Rudolph
361 00:14:44 伦道夫要追上你了 Randolph's not too far behind
362 00:14:49 跑吧跑吧鲁道夫 Run run Rudolph
363 00:14:50 圣诞老人要去城里 Santa's got to make it to town
364 00:14:52 清醒的我做不到I can't do this shit sober.
365 00:14:54 我也是Me neither.
366 00:14:56 你们想去用餐区来一杯吗You guys wanna get drunk at the food court?
367 00:14:57 -我操 当然想 -是的- Fuck yeah! - Yeah.
368 00:14:59 -来吧 -有意思- Come on. - Ooh, fun!
369 00:15:08 姐妹儿 你们知道什么要把我逼疯了吗You guys, you know what drives me crazy?
370 00:15:10 -生殖器疣 -什么- Genital warts? - What?
371 00:15:12 -生殖器疣 -不是- Genital warts. - No.
372 00:15:14 不是的 卡拉Carla, no.
373 00:15:15 逼疯我的是No, w-w-what drives me crazy
374 00:15:17 我们给自己要让圣诞节完美的is the-is the pressure that we put on ourselves
375 00:15:18 压力to make Christmas perfect, guys.
376 00:15:20 听好 圣诞节本应该是有趣的Look, Christmas is supposed to be fun.
377 00:15:22 是的 为什么我要有责任Yes, why am I responsible
378 00:15:24 给整个家族的每个人for getting every gift for everyone
379 00:15:26 准备礼物in my entire family?
380 00:15:28 就因为我是女性吗I mean, just 'cause I'm a girl?
381 00:15:29 -就是 -这已经是2017年了- Yeah. - It's 2017!
382 00:15:31 我也这么觉得I thought so.
383 00:15:32 为什么我老公自己不能Why can't my husband
384 00:15:33 买礼物送给他妈buy presents for his own mom?
385 00:15:34 我甚至都不喜欢他妈I don't even like his mom.
386 00:15:36 她把放屁怪在我孩子们头上She blames her farts on my kids.
387 00:15:37 -什么 -你知道我对我大傻个儿子- What? - You know what I do?
388 00:15:39 -做什么了吗 -什么- With my big dumb son? - What?
389 00:15:40 每年十一月 我去他房间Every November, I just go into his room
390 00:15:42 随机抓一把废物grab a bunch of random crap
391 00:15:44 包装好 在圣诞节送给他wrap it up, give it to him on Christmas.
392 00:15:46 -他甚至都没有注意到 -真的吗- He doesn't even notice. - Seriously?
393 00:15:48 我送给他一模一样的棒球手套Oh, my God, I've given him the same baseball glove
394 00:15:49 大概九次吧like nine times.
395 00:15:51 你家人给你送过什么鳖脚的礼物And how lame are the gifts that your family gives you?
396 00:15:53 我花了数月时间为家里的每一个人I spend months picking out the perfect gift
397 00:15:56 挑选完美的礼物 而我收到过的for everyone in my family and all I ever get
398 00:15:59 只有免费回赠优惠券is coupons for free back rubs.
399 00:16:01 哦 真糟糕Oh, that's so wrong.
400 00:16:03 知道我儿子去年送我什么圣诞礼物吗You know what my son gave me last year for Christmas?
401 00:16:04 一盒密保诺泳裤A box of Ziploc baggies.
402 00:16:06 我想只有再包装一下Think I'll probably just wrap it up
403 00:16:08 今年再送回给他当圣诞礼物and give it back to him again this Christmas.
404 00:16:11 姐妹儿 我只是感觉从11月到圣诞这期间You guys, I'm just like a-a-a giant stress ball
405 00:16:14 我压力山大from November to New Year's.
406 00:16:17 我只是想再享受一下圣诞节I just wanna enjoy Christmas again.
407 00:16:20 是的Yeah.
408 00:16:25 那就享受吧Well, then let's do it.
409 00:16:27 什么What?
410 00:16:28 姐妹儿们 我们出什么问题了Guys, what is wrong with us?
411 00:16:29 还没发现什么吗 都是在放屁Have we learned nothing? This is bullshit.
412 00:16:31 我对现在的三人组很失望I am disappointed in this threesome.
413 00:16:34 我们是母亲We are mothers.
414 00:16:36 如果事情不按我们的来 那我们还搞什么And if things are not going our way, then what do we do?
415 00:16:39 躲在洗手间吗We hide in the bathroom.
416 00:16:41 -不 -不- No. - No.
417 00:16:42 不 我们不会那样No, we don't, we don't do that.
418 00:16:43 我们会站出来- Uh-unh. - We s... No, we stand up.
419 00:16:45 -我们要反击 -是的 反击- And we fight back. - Fight back. Yes.
420 00:16:48 所以如果今年我们想要按自己法子来过圣诞节So if we wanna do Christmas our way this year
421 00:16:51 那我们就按自己的法子来过圣诞节then we're gonna do Christmas our way.
422 00:16:54 没有完美的礼物 没有完美的装饰No more perfect gifts, no more perfect decorations
423 00:16:57 没有完美的一切no more perfect anything.
424 00:16:59 -去他妈的 -让我们过回真正的圣诞节- Fuck it. - Let's take Christmas back.
425 00:17:01 我们来把屁放后面Let's put the "ass" back.
426 00:17:03 -圣诞屁 -什么玩意儿- In "Christm-ass." - What?
427 00:17:06 好吧 出乎我预料 但是姐妹儿That didn't come out exactly as I planned, but y-you guys get...
428 00:17:09 -我们懂你的意思 -是的 我们懂- Yeah, we know what you meant. - Yeah, we get you.
429 00:17:10 好的 来过回真正的圣诞Okay, to taking Christmas back.
430 00:17:12 干杯Yes!
431 00:17:15 出发 出发 出发 Go go go go
432 00:17:17 出发 做一些疯狂的事 - Go go - Do something crazy
433 00:17:19 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas!
434 00:17:22 我想过个狂欢节 I wanna live like it's Mardi Gras and
435 00:17:25 不需要休息 Don't need no R and R
436 00:17:27 -如何 -好- What? - Yes.
437 00:17:28 现在 这样会更好Now, it's gonna be better.
438 00:17:29 这样才更好Now, it is gonna be better.
439 00:17:31 气氛良好 Good vibes only
440 00:17:32 我只要开一桶啤酒 I just tapped a keg
441 00:17:34 倒满我的酒杯 I'mma fill my cup
442 00:17:36 来点烟火痛饮一番 Got fireworks got booze
443 00:17:38 搞砸一切 Let's blow some shit up
444 00:17:39 今晚不带脑子 Tonight I'm going stupid
445 00:17:41 做些没做过的事 Doing things I've never done
446 00:17:44 共同点就是 We all got one thing in common
447 00:17:46 我们只想找点乐子 We just wanna have fun hey
448 00:17:50 好 下一个Okay, who's next?
449 00:17:55 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
450 00:17:57 Hey
451 00:17:59 Whoo
452 00:18:01 Hey
453 00:18:02 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
454 00:18:04 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
455 00:18:06 做一些疯狂的事 - Do something wild - Whoo
456 00:18:08 做不一样的人 - Be someone different - Hey
457 00:18:10 转换风格 - Switch up that style - Hey
458 00:18:12 嘿 你知道哪个对阴道更好吗Hey! Do you know which one is better for the vagina?
459 00:18:19 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
460 00:18:21 Hey
461 00:18:23 Whoo
462 00:18:26 -顾客请注意 -抱歉这是什么情况- Attention, shoppers! - Excuse me!
463 00:18:29 我烂醉又饥渴了I am drunk and horny!
464 00:18:31 重复一 下 我烂醉又饥渴了I repeat, I am drunk and horny!
465 00:18:37 慢慢讲 Break it down
466 00:18:45 -做一些疯狂的事 -出发 - Do something crazy - Go
467 00:18:46 出发 出发 出发 Go go go go go go go
468 00:18:50 出发 出发 出发 Go go go go go go go go go
469 00:18:54 哦 我操 等一下姐妹儿们 等一下Oh, shit. Wait, you guys. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
470 00:18:56 我还是得去买圣诞树I still have to go Christmas tree shopping
471 00:18:57 和我妈一起with my mom.
472 00:18:59 我刚好有个馊主意I just had a really dumb idea.
473 00:19:01 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
474 00:19:04 Hey
475 00:19:06 Whoo
476 00:19:08 Hey
477 00:19:09 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
478 00:19:10 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
479 00:19:12 做一些狂野的事 - Do something wild - Whoo
480 00:19:14 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
481 00:19:18 做一些疯狂的事 Do something crazy
482 00:19:22 好了 伙计们 给Alright, guys. Here.
483 00:19:24 -哦 是爆米花唉 -还有多的- Ooh, we got some popcorn. - I got extra.
484 00:19:26 -是的 -小家伙们准备好了吗- Yes. - You guys ready?
485 00:19:27 -瞧瞧 -好的- Look at that. - Okay.
486 00:19:30 -妈 这感觉真的很好 -同意- This is really nice, mom. - Yeah.
487 00:19:32 我们应该每个圣诞节都这样过We should do all Christmas like this.
488 00:19:34 是的 我们可以直接跳过那些烦人的步骤Yeah, can we just hang out together
489 00:19:36 直接大家一起消遣吗and skip all the annoying stuff?
490 00:19:38 可以Yeah, you guys, I...
491 00:19:40 实际上我真喜欢像那样过圣诞I would actually really like that.
492 00:19:42 嘿 杰西 圣诞节你应该一起来过Hey, Jessie, you should come over on Christmas.
493 00:19:46 哦 是 是的Um, yeah, yeah.
494 00:19:48 我不知道 这是一件大事I don't know. It's kind of a big deal.
495 00:19:49 我不想强加些什么I wouldn't want to impose.
496 00:19:51 爸 不要表现得如此奇怪Don't be weird, dad.
497 00:19:53 我们会来的We'll be here.
498 00:19:56 -这样行吗 -行- Is that okay? - Yeah.
499 00:19:59 是的 我真喜欢那样Yeah, I would actually love that.
500 00:20:01 -我也是 -好吧- Me, too. - Okay.
501 00:20:04 大家晚上好Good evening, everyo...
502 00:20:06 这是什么鬼玩意儿What in God's name is that?
503 00:20:09 哦 这是我们新的圣诞树Oh, that is our new Christmas tree.
504 00:20:11 我在福洛克女士店弄来的I got it at Lady Foot Locker.
505 00:20:12 -喜欢吗 -不 艾米 我不喜欢- Do you like it? - No, I don't, Amy.
506 00:20:14 -我觉得它很讨厌 -哦- I find it revolting. - Oh.
507 00:20:17 你在你家里做的什么What is this thing doing in your house?
508 00:20:19 我只是不想I don't know, I-I didn't wanna
509 00:20:21 今年在买圣诞树上浪费时间waste time tree shopping this year.
510 00:20:22 我只想享受圣诞节I actually wanted to enjoy Christmas.
511 00:20:24 艾米 你是一位母亲Amy, you are a mom.
512 00:20:25 母亲没有资格享受 她们提供欢乐Moms don't enjoy, they give joy.
513 00:20:27 这就是做母亲的责任That's how being a mom works.
514 00:20:29 而这棵丑陋的圣诞树给不了任何人欢乐And this hideous tree does not give joy to anybody.
515 00:20:32 我还挺喜欢它I don't know, I-I kind of like it.
516 00:20:35 -谢谢 -没事- Thank you. - Yeah.
517 00:20:36 你是谁 为什么你要说话Who are you, and why are you talking?
518 00:20:38 妈 请随和一点 这是杰西 你见过他的Mom, please be nice. This is Jessie. You met him.
519 00:20:41 我已经厌烦我们的对话了I'm tired of this conversation.
520 00:20:43 但如果你认为But if you think for one second
521 00:20:44 我会放任你懒惰的把戏I'm gonna let your lazy shenanigans
522 00:20:46 毁掉全家的圣诞节ruin Christmas for this entire family
523 00:20:48 那你就大错特错了you are very much mistaken.
524 00:20:51 晚安 亲爱的孩子们Goodnight, dear children.
525 00:20:52 送你们苹果手机商店充值卡Here, have some iTunes gift cards.
526 00:20:54 妈 说真的 你不应该再给他们礼物了Mom, seriously? You have to stop giving them gifts.
527 00:20:57 谢谢 外祖母Thanks, grandma.
528 00:20:58 亲爱的 你看到这些装饰品了吗Honey, did you see these ornaments?
529 00:20:59 它们全是小鞋子They are all little shoes.
530 00:21:01 汉克 我发誓I swear to God, Hank.
531 00:21:02 我要把你放到消防局I will drive you to a fire station
532 00:21:04 然后我自己走掉and I will leave you there.
533 00:21:10 -嗨 -嗨- Hi. - Hi.
534 00:21:14 今晚感觉如何How was your night?
535 00:21:16 -很好 -是吗- So good. - Yeah?
536 00:21:17 是的Yeah.
537 00:21:24 嗯Mmm.
538 00:21:26 你尝起来就像葡萄汽水水You taste like grape soda.
539 00:21:27 上床前我喝了果汁I know. I had a Welch's right before bed.
540 00:21:37 -嗯 -嗯- Mmm. - Hmm.
541 00:21:40 -保佑你 -保佑你- Bless you. - Bless you.
542 00:21:45 妈Mom!
543 00:21:47 嗨 伙计们Hi, guys.
544 00:21:48 你在这儿做什么What are you doing in here?
545 00:21:50 我只是像我经常做的那样Well, I just came in here to watch you fall asleep
546 00:21:52 来这看你入睡 然后你就开始like I always do and then you started
547 00:21:53 像动物园里的猴子一样going at it like monkeys in a zoo.
548 00:21:56 你每晚都看我入睡吗You watch me fall asleep every night?
549 00:21:57 除了警察世家播放的时候Well, except after Blue Bloods, I know
550 00:21:59 我知道那天晚上会是你们的性交之夜that's your special intercourse night.
551 00:22:01 哦 甜心 我很高兴看到Oh, honey, I'm so glad to see
552 00:22:04 你性生活如此活跃you have such a vibrant sex life.
553 00:22:06 对你和肯特来说重要的是It's so important for you and Kent
554 00:22:08 只需要狠操对方to just bang each other.
555 00:22:11 还有 肯特And Kent.
556 00:22:13 我很高兴I am so happy
557 00:22:15 你又能硬起来了that you're able to get an erection again.
558 00:22:18 Yay!
559 00:22:20 琪琪And Kiki.
560 00:22:22 他可比你爸的威猛多了He's so much bigger than your dad was.
561 00:22:24 好的 妈妈 谢谢Okay, mom, thanks, you can go
562 00:22:26 在我的丈夫不愿再和我做之前快离开before my husband never has sex with me again.
563 00:22:28 好Yup.
564 00:22:31 对了 亲爱的Oh, and, honey
565 00:22:32 你爸爸喜欢我挠他蛋蛋your dad liked it when I tickled his balls.
566 00:22:34 别说了Okay, you need to stop talking.
567 00:22:36 我过会再来看看你们I'm gonna come check on you guys in a little while.
568 00:22:37 哦 别来了Oh, please don't.
569 00:22:44 喔Oh, wow.
570 00:22:47 -你需要和你妈妈谈谈 -我知道- You need to talk to your mom. - I know.
571 00:22:50 她需要给我们一些空间She needs some boundaries.
572 00:22:52 -至少一个独处的空间 -我知道- Or at least, a boundary. - I know.
573 00:22:56 我只是I just, uh...
574 00:22:58 不想伤害到她的感受I don't wanna hurt her feelings.
575 00:23:00 你知道的 自从我爸爸过世And, you know, ever since my dad died
576 00:23:03 我就相当于她唯一的亲人I'm, like, pretty much her only family.
577 00:23:05 我很担心 哪怕只是把她推开一点So I'm worried that if I push her away even a little
578 00:23:08 是否会伤透她的心that it's gonna break her heart.
579 00:23:11 琪琪 她看见我勃起She saw my boner, Kiki.
580 00:23:14 啊Yeah.
581 00:23:15 圣诞节前3天
582 00:23:23 喔 天啦Oh, my God. What the...
583 00:23:30 什么鬼What... the fuck?
584 00:23:50 好的 把法国母鸡Okay, bring the French hens
585 00:23:52 往左边挪三英吋three inches to the left.
586 00:23:54 对 对Yeah. Yeah.
587 00:23:56 妈Mom?
588 00:24:00 你在干什么What are you doing?
589 00:24:01 我在把你的房子装扮得体I am decorating your house properly
590 00:24:03 因为很显然你自己不愿意这样做because apparently, you are unwilling to do so yourself.
591 00:24:06 为什么我的房子必须装扮得体Why does my house have to be properly decorated?
592 00:24:08 艾米 把圣诞节布置得很好Making Christmas special is how you show
593 00:24:10 是让家人感受到爱意的方式your family that you love them, Amy.
594 00:24:12 你不会想让你的孩子You don't want your kids to think
595 00:24:13 误以为他们是毫无价值的 缺乏关爱的that they're worthless and unloved.
596 00:24:15 -对吧 -不 当然不- Do you? - Well, no, of course not.
597 00:24:17 每一年里妈妈牺牲这段时间This is the time of year when moms kill themselves
598 00:24:19 来为她们的孩子创造一个欢乐的奇幻世界to create a magical world of joy for their children.
599 00:24:22 现在不是妈妈们穿着睡衣It is not a time of year when moms sit around
600 00:24:24 一边吃软糖 一边坐着休息的时候in their pajamas eating fudge.
601 00:24:25 -我甚至不喜欢软糖 -很好- I don't even like fudge. - Great.
602 00:24:27 那么就不要当一个糟糕的妈妈So stop being a shitty mom.
603 00:24:29 -噢 -嗨 孩子们- Oh. - Hey, kids.
604 00:24:30 你们觉得这些圣诞仪队怎么样How do you like the Christmas cavalcade, huh?
605 00:24:32 -天呐 太棒了 -给妈妈看看怎么操作- Oh, my gosh. It's awesome. - Show mom how it works!
606 00:24:35 真的 艾米 你会爱上这个 好吧Really, Amy, you are gonna love this. Okay.
607 00:24:37 我们要启动仪队 完毕We are go for the cavalcade, over.
608 00:24:41 别担心 我教你怎么做 用手机应用操作Don't worry, I'll show you how this works. It's on an app.
609 00:24:47 你安装了室外音响Oh, you installed outdoor speakers.
610 00:24:49 嘘 看着 看着Shh-shh, wait for it, wait for it.
611 00:24:54 十一个吹风笛的风笛手 Eleven pipers piping
612 00:24:57 十个跳跃的男人 九位跳舞的女士 Ten lords a-leaping nine ladies dancing
613 00:24:59 八位挤奶的佣妇 七只游水的天鹅 Eight maids a-milking seven swans a-swimming
614 00:25:02 六只生蛋的鹅 Six geese a-laying
615 00:25:03 五只金戒指 Five golden rings
616 00:25:05 五只金戒指 Five golden rings
617 00:25:06 这要花多少钱How much did this cost?
618 00:25:08 艾米 你怎么可以把孩子的乐趣How can you put a price tag
619 00:25:09 用金钱衡量on a child's happiness, Amy?
620 00:25:11 -很贵 -天哪 妈妈！- It was very expensive. - God! Mom!
621 00:25:14 等等 最后是最精彩的部分Wait for it, this is the big ending!
622 00:25:22 那些是活的山鹑吗Are those actual partridges?
623 00:25:25 当然Of course.
624 00:25:26 它们没有任何生存技能They don't have any survival skills.
625 00:25:28 一个小时内就会死They'll be dead within an hour.
626 00:25:31 -好吧 -孩子 来- Okay. - Here, kids.
627 00:25:32 吃这个早餐糖果Have some breakfast candy.
628 00:25:34 -你说什么 -天呐- I'm sorry, what? - Oh, my God.
629 00:25:36 谢谢你外婆 我爱你Thank you, grandma. I love you.
630 00:25:37 我爱你 我也爱你 孩子I love you. I love you, too, guys.
631 00:25:40 好了 把鸟重新装上Okay, let's reload the birds.
632 00:25:42 我不喜欢它们灰色的样子And I hate that they're gray.
633 00:25:43 涂成白色Let's paint them all white.
634 00:25:44 它们飞走的时候And can't they look a little happier
635 00:25:46 能不能再喜庆一点when they fly away?
636 00:25:48 这可是圣诞节I mean, it is Christmas.
637 00:25:51 你妈要装饰你的房子？Your mom decorated your house?
638 00:25:53 哦 不不不 这可不行Oh, no, no, no, no. That is not okay.
639 00:25:56 谁管她 让她装好了Who cares, let her decorate your house.
640 00:25:58 她想不想接下来装饰我的房子She wanna do mine next?
641 00:25:59 这跟房子没关系It's-it's not about the house.
642 00:26:01 只是我已经是个34岁的女人了It's-it's about the fact that I'm a 34-year-old woman
643 00:26:03 我妈还在指点我的生活应该怎么过and my mother is still telling me how to live my life.
644 00:26:06 那你需要反击Well, then you need to fight her.
645 00:26:09 你说 身体对抗？Like... physically?
646 00:26:11 没错 艾米That is correct, Amy.
647 00:26:13 我可以教你一些基础空手道I can teach you some basic karate moves.
648 00:26:15 我们都知道她会继续这样对你But we all know that she's gonna keep treating you
649 00:26:16 直到你做出有力的反击like this until you beat the shit out of her.
650 00:26:19 我不想让你看到我妈妈I don't want you to meet my mom.
651 00:26:21 她已经62岁了 所以She's a 62-year-old woman, so...
652 00:26:23 好吧 不过你至少需要Fine, but you need to have
653 00:26:25 跟她严肃地沟通一下at least a serious conversation with her.
654 00:26:27 -这听起来还可以 -我知道 我知道- That sounds more legal. - I know. I know.
655 00:26:29 发生这种情况的时候你爸爸在哪里呢And where's your dad in all this?
656 00:26:31 我爸 我爸善解人意Oh, my dad, he's so sweet.
657 00:26:33 但是他完全处于我妈的控制之下But he's completely under her control.
658 00:26:34 他没有办法I mean, there's no way he's gonna choose
659 00:26:36 在我妈面前支持我 不可能my side over hers, no.
660 00:26:37 -亲爱的 糟心了 -哦- Sweetie, that's hard. - Oh...
661 00:26:40 妈妈们都这样奇怪Moms are so weird.
662 00:26:42 你和你妈一起过圣诞怎么样？How's Christmas with your mom?
663 00:26:45 喔 这…Oh, you know. It's...
664 00:26:47 我觉得 还不错 还不错It's okay-it's okay, I guess. Yeah.
665 00:26:49 我妈妈把她的头发I mean, my mom got her hair cut
666 00:26:52 剪成我这样还染成我的颜色 但是and colored exactly like mine, but...
667 00:26:54 我觉得这样很正常 对吧I think that's pretty normal, right?
668 00:26:56 你们…你们的妈妈Your... Did your moms...
669 00:26:58 会不会这样做Do your moms have your... hairstyle?
670 00:27:02 我是指 每一次You know, every time
671 00:27:04 我觉得自己是这个组里最惨的人I think I'm the fucked-up one in this group
672 00:27:07 琪琪 你开口说话 然后我会觉得Kiki, you open your mouth, and then I'm like
673 00:27:11 “不 我过得还行”"No, I'm doing great."
674 00:27:16 无论如何 我妈妈和我过会Anyway, uh, my mom and I were gonna
675 00:27:18 会带孩子去天空之城take the kids over to Sky Zone later.
676 00:27:20 -你们想一起吗 -事实上…- Do you guys wanna come? - Legally...
677 00:27:22 我从没去过天空之城 不过I can't get within 50 yards of a Sky Zone but...
678 00:27:25 去他妈的 我加入了Okay, you know what? Fuck it. I'm totally in.
679 00:27:27 -艾米？ -哦 我不行- Amy? - Oh, I can't-I can't go.
680 00:27:29 我希望可以一起 但是我妈让我们I wish I could, but my mother's making us
681 00:27:31 去看《胡桃夹子》 所以…go see "The Nutcracker." So...
682 00:27:33 -我喜欢《胡桃夹子》 -噢 不是- I love "The Nutcracker." - Oh, no, no, no, no!
683 00:27:35 不是那个糖梅仙子跳的《胡桃夹子》Not like the Sugar Plum Fairy "Nutcracker."
684 00:27:37 不是 是原始版 五个小时长No, the original, the five-hour long version
685 00:27:41 表演俄罗斯苦难人们的那个版本that's all in Russian, where a bunch of people die.
686 00:27:43 糟透了It's-it's awful.
687 00:27:45 -为什么你不直接拒绝 -哦 不行- Why don't you just not go? - Oh, God, no.
688 00:27:47 他会杀了我的No, she would never let me live it down.
689 00:27:48 还是按她说的做比较好It's much easier to do it this way.
690 00:27:50 伙计们 今年我们不把圣诞夺回来吗Guys, are we not taking Christmas back this year?
691 00:27:54 -不行 -额- Yeah. - Hmm.
692 00:27:55 我是认真地在问你们 因为我不想浪费购物时光I'm asking you that seriously 'cause I got so wasted
693 00:27:57 我记不得之前是不是说过了at the mall, I can't remember if I actually said that
694 00:27:59 还是我作梦的时候说的or if that's just something that I'm dreaming about right now.
695 00:28:03 该死 我上班要迟到了Oh, shit. I'm so late for work.
696 00:28:05 你们想不想知道我现在在做什么You guys, do you wanna know what I've been working on?
697 00:28:08 -节日快乐 -噢- Happy Holidays. - Oh, my...
698 00:28:14 -卡拉 -弄断了我的棒子- Carla! - Broke my cock!
699 00:28:17 -快去上班 -我走了 走了 走了- Just go to work. - I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!
700 00:28:29 -好吗 女士 -妈妈你在这里做什么- What up, lady? - Mom! What are you doing here?
701 00:28:34 这看上去像要做什么呢What does it look like I'm doing?
702 00:28:36 我在等女儿给我做个免费护理I'm waiting for my daughter to give me a free manicure.
703 00:28:40 -免费护理？ -是的- Free manicure, huh? - Yeah.
704 00:28:43 好吧 至少不用给你阴部去毛Alright. Well, at least I'm not waxing your pussy.
705 00:28:46 -也许下次 -好吧- Maybe next time. - Okay.
706 00:28:48 最近如何 你找过对象吗So, what's up? You seein' anybody?
707 00:28:52 跟一些学校出来的男人们相处Well, you know, there was a couple of things
708 00:28:54 总有一堆屁事going with some dads from school.
709 00:28:56 太麻烦了But it gets complicated.
710 00:28:58 另外在一年中没有比圣诞节Plus, like, there is not a better time of the year
711 00:29:01 更好的单身时光to be single than Christmas.
712 00:29:03 比如说我去逛商场I mean, it's like, I go to the mall
713 00:29:05 我看到那些情侣散步and I see these, you know, these couples walking around.
714 00:29:08 他们 他们 手拉手And they're, they're, like, holding hands and...
715 00:29:12 戴着围巾You know, wearing scarves
716 00:29:14 互相喂三明治and feeding each other sandwiches
717 00:29:17 挑选珠宝and lookin' at jewelry, you know...
718 00:29:22 每一个和凯伊开始的吻 Every kiss begins with Kay
719 00:29:24 -好了 停 停 -干嘛- Alright, stop. Stop. - What?
720 00:29:26 -你听起来很孤独 -才怪- You sound super lonely. - No!
721 00:29:29 宝贝听着 摇滚人生Babe, listen, the rock and roll lifestyle
722 00:29:32 不是每个人都适合的isn't for everybody.
723 00:29:33 我仍然是最摇滚的I'm still super rock and roll.
724 00:29:35 今早我在公园醒来I woke up in a park this morning.
725 00:29:37 卡拉 我在你厨房里发现了甘蓝片Carla. I found kale chips in your kitchen.
726 00:29:42 -好吧 那是为我孩子准备的 -好- Okay, those are for my kid. - Right.
727 00:29:44 它们很健康They're healthy as fuck.
728 00:29:47 他们说这菜有利心脏Th... They say they're heart-smart.
729 00:29:49 你很关心你的孩子 对吧You really care about your kid, don't you?
730 00:29:52 是的 他是我的…Yeah, he's my...
731 00:29:54 妈妈 我觉得大多数人I mean, most... people
732 00:29:56 都很关心他们的孩子care about their children, mom.
733 00:29:58 无论如何 我只是对最近的Whatever, I just can't keep up
734 00:30:00 家庭氛围不太了解with the latest parenting trends.
735 00:30:06 你过得怎么样So, how you doin'?
736 00:30:09 我还是告诉你真相比较好 我…I've been better actually, to tell you the truth. I...
737 00:30:12 我对一些事情比较感兴趣There is something that I'm very excited about
738 00:30:15 只是需要一点点钱which I just need a little money for...
739 00:30:16 又来了Here we go.
740 00:30:18 -什么 -你总是这样- What? - You always do this.
741 00:30:20 什么What?
742 00:30:22 你重新回到我的生活You show back up in my life.
743 00:30:24 你问我要钱 我把钱给你You ask me for money, I give it to you.
744 00:30:26 你离我而去全部赌光You gamble it all away and you leave me and then
745 00:30:29 然后又回来问我要更多的钱you just come runnin' back asking for more.
746 00:30:31 我又把钱给你 因为我是个傻子I give it to you again 'cause I'm an idiot.
747 00:30:33 这是一个合法的This is a legitimate
748 00:30:35 商业项目business opportunity.
749 00:30:37 你要多少How much do you need?
750 00:30:39 不多 差不多五千Not much. Like five grand.
751 00:30:41 真的 五千到一万之间 也许一万五最多Really. Fiv... Between five and ten grand, maybe 15, tops.
752 00:30:46 好 我会考虑的Okay, I'll think about it.
753 00:30:48 好的Good!
754 00:30:51 哇你这里可有一些好东西啊Wow, you have some really cool shit here, huh?
755 00:30:55 舒适典雅的地方Nice, classy place.
756 00:30:58 我希望我带了钱包I wish I'd brought my purse.
757 00:31:10 为什么我们必须再去看《胡桃夹子》Why do we have to go to the "Russian Nutcracker" again?
758 00:31:12 我们甚至不是俄罗斯人I mean, we're not even Russian.
759 00:31:13 俄版《胡桃夹子》The "Russian Nutcracker"
760 00:31:15 才是经典is the real "Nutcracker."
761 00:31:17 不是那个充满舞蹈笑料的迪斯尼畅销版本Not the sellout Disney version with all the dancing and joy.
762 00:31:22 真的要看五个小时这么久吗Is it actually five hours long?
763 00:31:24 是的 你会爱上它的每一分钟Yes, and you will love every minute of it.
764 00:31:27 现在来听这首美妙的音乐Now, just listen to this beautiful music.
765 00:31:33 这首歌叫做“鲍里斯被害之时”This song is called "When Boris Gets Murdered."
766 00:31:36 听起来像某人在向我们尖叫It sounds like someone's yelling at us.
767 00:31:38 为什么我们不能去做一些有趣的事Why can't we just go do something fun?
768 00:31:47 你去哪里 不是左转Where are you going? It's not left.
769 00:31:48 -剧院在右边 -我知道- The theater's to the right. - Oh, I know.
770 00:31:50 我们不去剧院We're not goin' to the theater.
771 00:31:51 你要带我们去哪Where are you taking us?
772 00:31:52 你会知道的You'll see.
773 00:32:14 孩子们 圣诞节快乐 欢迎来到天空之城Merry Christmas, guys! Welcome to Sky Zone!
774 00:32:16 -圣诞快乐 -圣诞快乐- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas!
775 00:32:17 -好的 三个孩子入场？ -是的- Alright, uh, three kid passes? - Yes.
776 00:32:19 不 不 其实我们全都去玩No, no. Uh, sorry. We're-we're actually all gonna go.
777 00:32:21 -我们都要玩 -不 不是全部- We're all gonna do it. - No, we're not all doing it.
778 00:32:23 这里一股尿布的气味It smells like diapers in here.
779 00:32:25 -艾米 你做到了 -嘿- Amy! You guys made it! - Hey!
780 00:32:28 -我很高兴你们都来 -我也是- I'm so glad you guys came! - Oh, my God. Me, too.
781 00:32:31 我想半夜的时候 我妈会杀了我I think my mother's gonna kill me in the middle of the night.
782 00:32:33 -不过这都值了 -你好 我是卡拉的妈妈- But it's totally worth it. - Hi, I'm Carla's mom.
783 00:32:35 -你好 艾西斯 -是的- Hi. Isis! - Yeah.
784 00:32:37 -是的 是的 -很高兴见到你们- Oh, yeah! Yeah! - Nice to meet you.
785 00:32:39 你好 你一定是艾米的妈妈 我是卡拉Hi. You must be Amy's mom. I'm Carla.
786 00:32:43 贾克森 宝贝 妈妈需要更多的酒Jaxon, honey, mama needs more hooch.
787 00:32:45 -好主意 -是- Ooh, good idea. - Yeah.
788 00:32:46 -倒满 宝贝 -那是我儿子 贾克森- Top me off, babe. - That's my son, Jaxon.
789 00:32:49 -这是我妈妈 艾西斯 -你好 我是露丝- This is my mom, Isis. - Hello. Ruth.
790 00:32:51 -和露丝·巴德·金斯伯格一样 -我是艾西斯- Like Ruth Bader Ginsberg. - Huh. Isis.
791 00:32:55 和那个恐怖组织名号一样Like the terrorist organization.
792 00:32:58 -这是我的妈妈 桑迪 -你好 艾米- This is my mom, Sandy. - Oh, hi, Amy.
793 00:33:02 我听过很多关于你的事情I've heard so much about you.
794 00:33:05 是的 你们确实有一样的发型Oh, boy! You really have the same haircuts.
795 00:33:09 你好 我是露丝 我是艾米的妈妈Hello, I'm Ruth. I'm Amy's mom.
796 00:33:12 我是杰西 事实上我刚才和你一块在车里I'm Jessie. I was literally just in the car with you.
797 00:33:17 来吧 谁准备好来个圣诞乐翻天？Come on. Who's ready to have some Christmas fun?
798 00:33:20 我不害怕 我不害怕 I ain't scared I ain't scared
799 00:33:22 停不下来 跳舞缺氧 I can't stop so let's go oh oh
800 00:33:25 我喜欢你与众不同 I like it when you do it like that
801 00:33:27 你喜欢我放肆张扬 You like it when I do it like that
802 00:33:28 我知道我们何时这样走路带风 And I know when we're moving like that
803 00:33:31 没有别人可以做到这样 Ain't nobody else do it like that
804 00:33:34 好好看着我 - Whoo ooh ooh - Watch me now
805 00:33:36 不要停下我的节奏 - Whoo ooh ooh - Don't stop me now
806 00:33:37 放肆张扬 不要犹豫 I'm gon' do it how we do it
807 00:33:40 像我这样 我要这样 像星星一样闪闪发亮 Like I do it I'm gon' do it like a star
808 00:33:43 我喜欢你与众不同 Yeah I like it when you do it like that
809 00:33:45 我知道这样做的时候你会怎么想 Know exactly what you thinking when I do it like that
810 00:33:47 回到正轨 加快节奏 Pull it right back turn the beat so fast
811 00:33:49 轻松低音 我就是这样 Keep the bass real low I keep it just like that yeah
812 00:33:51 好好看着我 - Whoo ooh ooh - Watch me now
813 00:33:54 不要停下我的节奏 - Whoo ooh ooh - Don't stop me now
814 00:33:56 放肆张扬 不要犹豫 I'm gon' do it how we do it
815 00:33:58 像我这样 我要这样 Like I do it I'm gon' do it
816 00:34:00 就像这样 Like that
817 00:34:06 嘿嘿耶耶耶 Hey hey yeah yeah yeah
818 00:34:10 我就是这样 你从来不能这样 Yeah I do it do it you never do it
819 00:34:11 当我舞蹈 所有烦恼都丢到一旁 I pick it up and throw it right back when I get into it
820 00:34:14 当我疯狂 没有人能够阻挡 'Cause there's no holding back when I break through it
821 00:34:16 当我开始 快点跟上 你永生难忘 Better hurry up and get it when I do you won't forget it
822 00:34:18 我喜欢你与众不同 I like it when you do it like that
823 00:34:20 你喜欢我放肆张扬 You like it when I do it like that
824 00:34:22 没有别人可以做到这样 Ain't nobody else do it like that
825 00:34:25 我喜欢你与众不同 I like it when you do it like that
826 00:34:27 你喜欢我放肆张扬 You like it when I do it like that
827 00:34:29 我知道我们何时这样走路带风 And I know when we do it like that
828 00:34:31 没有别人可以做到这样 Ain't nobody else do it like that
829 00:34:33 嗨露丝我们给你买了油条Hi, Ruth. We bought you a churro.
830 00:34:35 -你要吗 -不 谢谢- You want that? - No, thank you.
831 00:34:37 这地方挺好玩的This place is fun.
832 00:34:39 我小时候没来过这样的地方I never went to a place like this when I was a kid.
833 00:34:41 天那My God, no.
834 00:34:42 当我是个孩子的时候When I was a kid, we would go down
835 00:34:44 我们溜到采石场搞点爆炸to the quarry and blow shit up.
836 00:34:46 好极了 女士们 你们是哪里人That's nice. Where are you ladies from?
837 00:34:48 我来自渥太华 是在加拿大I am from Ottawa, which is in Canada.
838 00:34:51 然后我丈夫德克想要生活节奏更快And then my husband Dirk wanted a faster life
839 00:34:53 所以我们搬到了北达科他州俾斯麦so we moved to Bismarck, North Dakota.
840 00:34:55 我18岁的时候就有了琪琪And then I had Kiki when I was only 18 years old.
841 00:34:59 后来德克死于慢性病And then Dirk died. A long, slow, painful death.
842 00:35:02 不过我们终究都会孤单而又恐惧地死去But we're all gonna die sometime, alone and afraid.
843 00:35:06 -你来自哪里 露丝 -芝加哥- Where are you from, Ruth? - Chicago.
844 00:35:08 光明之城The City of Lights!
845 00:35:09 风城The Windy City.
846 00:35:11 你知道他们怎么称呼俾斯麦的吗You know what they call Bismarck?
847 00:35:12 老年白人之城"The City of Old White People."
848 00:35:13 你真奇怪You are so weird.
849 00:35:15 露丝 你享受芝加哥的童年生活吗Ruth, did you enjoy growing up in Chicago?
850 00:35:18 不 我母亲是个糟糕的女人No. My mother was a terrible woman.
851 00:35:20 -哦 -她曾经因为- Oh. - She once slapped me.
852 00:35:22 我在帆船上穿露趾鞋扇我耳光，For wearing open-toed shoes on a sailboat.
853 00:35:24 时代不同了Well, it was a different time then.
854 00:35:26 就是在两个月前This was two months ago.
855 00:35:29 我女儿觉得我太过严格My daughter thinks that I'm so hard on her.
856 00:35:31 但是她不知道我在我母亲的管教下But she has no idea what I went through
857 00:35:32 都经历过什么with my own mother.
858 00:35:34 我15岁的时候去打了耳洞When I was 15, I got my ears pierced
859 00:35:36 她骂我妓女and she called me a whore.
860 00:35:38 然后送我去寄宿学校And sent me away to boarding school.
861 00:35:41 -在克罗地亚 -克罗地亚？- In Croatia. - Croatia?
862 00:35:42 -那才叫严格的女人 -额- Now, that is a hard woman. - Uh.
863 00:35:44 -你是哪里人 艾西斯 -我不知道- Where are you from, Isis? - I don't know, everywhere.
864 00:35:46 我从没见过父母I never met my parents.
865 00:35:48 我基本是靠I basically just raised myself
866 00:35:49 我的聪明才智和迷人身材养活自己的using my wits and my tits.
867 00:35:51 哇 有点恶心了Oh, wow. That sounds disgusting.
868 00:35:53 不 伙计们 我曾经可是REO快速马车的设备管理No, dude, I was a roadie for REO Speedwagon
869 00:35:56 做了15年for 15 years.
870 00:35:59 艾西斯 这里禁止吸烟Oh, um, Isis, you're not allowed to smoke cigarettes in here.
871 00:36:02 没事 这不是香烟It's okay. It's not a cigarette.
872 00:36:03 -你要来几口吗 -不- You want some? - No! Ahem!
873 00:36:05 -你呢 -不 谢谢- You want some? - Uh, no, thank you.
874 00:36:07 -你们自便 -那么- Suit yourself. - So...
875 00:36:09 你们平安夜去哪个教堂Which church does everyone go to on Christmas Eve?
876 00:36:12 我总是去圣母受难堂Well, I always go to midnight mass
877 00:36:14 听午夜弥撒at Our Mother of Perpetual Suffering.
878 00:36:16 这是这个城市最重要的地方It's the premiere service in the city.
879 00:36:18 -好 到时一起去那里 -什么- Great, I'll meet you there. - What?
880 00:36:20 结交新朋友很棒This is so nice. Making new friends.
881 00:36:22 -是 -你们要玩躲避球吗- Yeah. - You guys wanna play dodgeball?
882 00:36:25 不 甜心 外婆不玩躲避球No, honey. Grandmas don't play dodgeball.
883 00:36:26 -我们应该… -她他妈说什么- We should... - What the fuck did she say?
884 00:36:28 她说外婆不玩躲避球She said, "Grandmas don't play dodgeball."
885 00:36:30 我听到了 但是我们参加 我们参加I got it, but we play. We play.
886 00:36:33 算我一个I'm in.
887 00:36:51 心情有点嗨 我竞速狂飘 When I get high I get high on speed
888 00:36:54 油门到底 汽车轰鸣 就像磕药 Top fuel funny car's a drug for me
889 00:36:56 我的心 我的心 My heart my heart
890 00:36:58 点燃我的心 Kickstart my heart
891 00:37:07 哇 耶 Whoa yeah
892 00:37:10 点燃我的心 让心脏爆发 Kickstart my heart give it a start
893 00:37:13 哇 耶 Whoa yeah
894 00:37:15 宝贝 Baby
895 00:37:18 哇 耶 Whoa yeah
896 00:37:21 点燃我的心 愿永不停下 Kickstart my heart hope it never stops
897 00:37:24 哦 耶 Oh yeah
898 00:37:26 宝贝 Baby
899 00:38:26 今晚真是一团糟Tonight was a complete travesty.
900 00:38:32 汉克 你觉得有趣吗Do you think that was funny, Hank?
901 00:38:34 要是我换了你的心脏药怎么样What if I changed out your heart pills?
902 00:38:36 -那也会有趣吗 -天啦 宝贝- Would that be funny, too? - Oh, Jesus, babe.
903 00:38:38 我不敢相信 艾米真的想I can't believe A-Amy is actually intent
904 00:38:41 毁了今年的圣诞节on ruining Christmas this year.
905 00:38:42 我要加倍努力了I'm gonna have to redouble my efforts.
906 00:38:44 或者你可以不要参和Or you could stop fighting with her
907 00:38:45 我们就可以拥有一个愉快的圣诞and we could just have a nice Christmas.
908 00:38:47 汉克 你以为跟女儿斗争很有趣吗Do you think I enjoy fighting with my daughter, Hank?
909 00:38:50 -是 -我也不想- Yeah! Oh. - Because I don't.
910 00:38:53 我只想让我的孙子孙女I'm just trying to give my grandchildren
911 00:38:55 度过一个他们应有的奇妙圣诞节the amazing Christmas that they deserve.
912 00:38:58 这是他们没有父亲在身边的第一个圣诞节This is their first Christmas without their father.
913 00:39:01 如果弄得完美绝伦And if it is perfect
914 00:39:02 他们会明白不顺心的事情总会慢慢好起来they will know that things are gonna be okay.
915 00:39:05 但是如果我们的女儿弄了一个半吊子圣诞But if our daughter throws a half-assed Christmas
916 00:39:08 这会让孩子不安it will rattle the kids, and they could descend
917 00:39:10 他们会陷入恐惧 沮丧 甚至去磕药into a spiral of fear, depression and drugs.
918 00:39:14 好了 今晚孩子们看上去很开心，Okay. But the kids looked really happy tonight.
919 00:39:18 汉克 观看《胡桃夹子》的话They would have been happier
920 00:39:19 他们会更快乐的at the "Russian Nutcracker," Hank.
921 00:39:21 我对圣诞节的安排是迷人而奇妙的My way of doing Christmas is enchanting and magical.
922 00:39:25 而艾米的方式则是懒惰的令人尴尬的And Amy's way of doing Christmas is lazy and embarrassing.
923 00:39:29 我的安排更好 我的安排会胜出And my way is better, and my way will win.
924 00:39:30 因为我总是会赢Because my way will always win.
925 00:39:32 我很高兴这都是为了孩子Well, I'm just glad this is all about the kids.
926 00:39:34 汉克 我是艾米的母亲Hank, I am Amy's mother
927 00:39:37 这是我的职责and it is my job
928 00:39:38 让她成为一个她能做到的最好的母亲to push her to be the best mother she possibly can be.
929 00:39:42 相信我 某一天她会在大型公开会场Trust me, someday she will thank me
930 00:39:44 发表鼓舞人心的演讲时感谢我in an inspirational speech at some large public venue.
931 00:39:48 现在 汉克 你把我的睡衣熨好了吗Now, are you done ironing my pajamas, Hank?
932 00:39:50 好了 露丝Yes, Ruth.
933 00:39:52 它们还热着They're still warm.
934 00:39:56 你感到难过 我也很伤心I'm sorry you're upset.
935 00:39:59 谢谢Thank you.
936 00:40:01 没事It's okay.
937 00:40:08 你要把我的睡衣弄皱了You're wrinkling my pajamas.
938 00:40:11 我帮你把牙刷准备好I'll get your toothbrush ready.
939 00:40:13 谢谢Thank you.
940 00:40:16 圣诞节前2天
941 00:40:20 天啦 别来人了 天啦 别来人了Oh, my God. No more pussies. Please, God. No more pussies.
942 00:40:22 有人Uh, yeah?
943 00:40:25 哦 你好Oh, hi. Uh...
944 00:40:26 你是卡拉吗Are you Carla?
945 00:40:31 是 就是我Yeah, I am.
946 00:40:33 -你叫什么 -我是泰·斯温德尔- Who are you? - I'm Ty Swindel.
947 00:40:36 我来这里给蛋蛋去毛I'm here to get my balls waxed.
948 00:40:37 好消息That's great news.
949 00:40:39 何不去桌上躺着 泰·斯温德尔Why don't you hop on my table, Ty Swindel?
950 00:40:42 好 谢谢Alright, thank you.
951 00:40:44 好的Okay.
952 00:40:46 泰 之前你有给蛋蛋去毛吗So, uh, have you ever had your balls waxed before, Ty?
953 00:40:49 哦 有 有 我…我是一个脱衣舞者Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm an exotic dancer.
954 00:40:51 所以我必须时刻保持阴茎蛋蛋整洁平滑So I have to keep my dick, balls and taint smooth at all times.
955 00:40:54 -好 好的 懂了 -嗯- Great. Okay, got it. - Yeah.
956 00:40:55 那么我要拿掉毛巾了Um, so I am just gonna remove the towel
957 00:40:58 然后开始去毛 如果你…and then we'll apply the wax if you...
958 00:41:01 上帝啊我的天Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
959 00:41:03 这尺寸Look at the size of that thing.
960 00:41:05 这 这看起来就像停车桩This... It looks like a parking cone.
961 00:41:06 我很抱歉 我忘了…I am so sorry. I forgot to te...
962 00:41:09 它吓坏了很多人You know, it scares most people.
963 00:41:10 不 我没有害怕 我只是No, I'm not scared, though. I just...
964 00:41:12 我只是多做一点…I'm gonna need a lot more...
965 00:41:13 -一只要多去点毛 -好的- Just a lot more wax. - Okay.
966 00:41:16 -等我一下 -好- So just give me one second. - Sure.
967 00:41:19 好Wow. Okay.
968 00:41:23 一般谁帮你的蛋蛋去毛So, who usually waxes your balls?
969 00:41:25 哦 我在克利夫兰那找人服务Oh, I go to a woman in, uh, Cleveland.
970 00:41:27 -那是我来的地方 -不是吧- Which is where I'm from. - No way.
971 00:41:29 -怎么 -我来自埃奇沃特- What? - I'm from Edgewater.
972 00:41:31 -你来自埃奇沃特？ -是的- You're from Edgewater? - Yeah.
973 00:41:33 -我来自特里蒙特 -天呐 世界真小- I'm from Tremont! - Oh, my God. Small world.
974 00:41:35 -难以置信 -很奇妙- Unbelievable. - That is so weird!
975 00:41:37 就像…对吧Like... Right?
976 00:41:39 哇 好吧Wow. Okay, um...
977 00:41:41 你是否能帮我把阴茎拨上去If you could just, uh, lift that penis up for me.
978 00:41:44 好的Okay.
979 00:41:45 好极了Yeah, that's great.
980 00:41:46 那么 什么风把你吹到芝加哥了So, uh, what brings you to Chicago, Ty?
981 00:41:49 我在城里参加性感圣诞比赛Well, I'm in town to do a few Sexy Santa competitions.
982 00:41:51 -很棒 -是- Nice! - Yeah.
983 00:41:53 蛋蛋会有点痛Okay, slight sting on your nutsack.
984 00:42:03 你是怎么进入跳舞这一行的So, um, how did you get into dancing?
985 00:42:06 我职业是消防员 那是我本职Oh, I'm a fireman by trade. That's what I do.
986 00:42:09 当然你可以做到Of course you are.
987 00:42:10 几年前And a few years ago
988 00:42:12 我去一家脱衣俱乐部灭火I responded to this fire at a strip club.
989 00:42:14 后来老板向我走过来 好像这样说And the owner comes up to me, and he's like
990 00:42:16 嘿 伙计 你有个超大的阴茎？"Hey, dude. You got a massive cock?"
991 00:42:19 我好像回答 “额 是吧”And I'm like, "Uh... Well, I do."
992 00:42:23 剩下的故事 剩下的都成了历史And the rest is, the rest is history.
993 00:42:25 哇Wow.
994 00:42:26 泰 这是个美丽的故事That's a beautiful story, Ty.
995 00:42:28 谢谢Thank you.
996 00:42:31 好 有点疼Okay. Hot burn.
997 00:42:34 -假期怎么过 -我知道- So, um, holidays, huh? - I know.
998 00:42:37 和女朋友有什么安排吗You got big plans with your girlfriend?
999 00:42:39 我希望 希望能有个女朋友I wish. I wish I had a girlfriend.
1000 00:42:42 大多数女的看上我这活儿Yeah, most women, they just see me as this object
1001 00:42:44 和我做完就走了 你知道吗to have sex with and then they leave. You know?
1002 00:42:47 我想说 虽然我穿着And I'm like, "Yeah, I dance around
1003 00:42:49 篮球鞋和丁字裤跳舞"in basketball sneakers and a G-string.
1004 00:42:51 但这不表示我没有情感 对吧It doesn't mean I don't have feelings." Right?
1005 00:42:53 是的Yeah.
1006 00:42:55 我I, uh...
1007 00:42:56 我能理解I can relate.
1008 00:42:58 我不知道你是什么感觉 我只是I don't know what it is about you, I just...
1009 00:42:59 我觉得和你交谈很轻松 你知道吗I feel like you're easy to talk to, you know?
1010 00:43:01 我可以畅谈 做自己 很舒服I can just open up. Be myself. It's nice.
1011 00:43:05 泰 我也是这么觉得的，I feel the same way, Ty.
1012 00:43:09 好了 我需要你Okay, um, I'm gonna need you
1013 00:43:11 把脚举过头顶to, uh, put your heels over your head
1014 00:43:14 然后我可以开始清洁你的肛门周围so I can start to go to town on your taint and your butthole.
1015 00:43:17 -好的 -很好谢谢- Yep. - Great. Thanks.
1016 00:43:19 -好 -好的- Alright. - Okay.
1017 00:43:20 把这边弄干净了Let's get these out of the way.
1018 00:43:21 好的 我们继续 很好 很好 很好Right. There we go. Great, great, great.
1019 00:43:23 卡拉Carla, uh...
1020 00:43:25 冒昧的问一下At the risk of sounding forward
1021 00:43:28 你愿意今晚过来观看um, would you be willing to come with me
1022 00:43:31 我的性感圣诞比赛吗to my Sexy Santa Competition tonight?
1023 00:43:33 泰 我不和顾客约的Uh, well, I-I don't date my clients, Ty.
1024 00:43:36 我有严格的准则I have a really strict code.
1025 00:43:38 是 当然你会 你在和我开玩笑吗Yeah. Oh, of course you do. Are you kidding me?
1026 00:43:41 我知道 我知道 你应该 你应该有…I know. And I know. And-and you should. You should have a...
1027 00:43:43 没有规定 泰 我逗你玩的I'm just fuckin' with you, Ty. I don't have a code!
1028 00:43:46 我在帮你肛门脱毛呢I'm waxing your butthole.
1029 00:43:48 当然愿意观看你的表演I would love to go to your show.
1030 00:43:50 -你会来？ -是的- You would? - Yes!
1031 00:43:52 好 太好了Yes! Oh, my God.
1032 00:43:53 她风趣 她迷人She's funny and she's beautiful.
1033 00:43:55 这样的美女可不是每天都能得缘相见This is a combination you don't run into every day, you know.
1034 00:43:57 你也不会经常做脱毛套餐Well, you don't see this combo that often, either.
1035 00:44:00 那么这是个约会 今晚我能看到你So it's a date, then. I'll see you tonight.
1036 00:44:03 这是个约会It's a date.
1037 00:44:05 你是否需要我伸到下面Oh, um, do you want me to reach down there
1038 00:44:08 帮你把股沟拉开and-and I can pull my butt crack open for you if you want.
1039 00:44:11 谢谢Thank you.
1040 00:44:13 没有人曾问过我No one's ever asked if they could hold
1041 00:44:15 他们需不需要帮我这样their butt crack open for me before.
1042 00:44:19 卡拉 任何时候只要你想我都会为你这样做I'll hold my butt crack open for you anytime you want, Carla.
1043 00:44:24 我为什么才遇到你 泰·斯温德尔Where did you come from, Ty Swindel?
1044 00:44:35 琪琪 你今天来这有什么问题呢So what brings you here today, Kiki?
1045 00:44:38 额 我妈妈和我 我们十分亲密Well, um, my mom and I, we're very close.
1046 00:44:41 我们想要And we would like to be...
1047 00:44:43 更加亲密To be closer.
1048 00:44:44 不 不是No. No.
1049 00:44:46 我想 我们应该I think, uh, we would, we would like to be
1050 00:44:49 更加独立一点a little more independent.
1051 00:44:51 更亲密Closer.
1052 00:44:53 桑迪 告诉我Uh, Sandy, tell me
1053 00:44:55 你和女儿的关系状况about your relationship with your daughter.
1054 00:44:57 好的 那是我最喜欢的话题Oh, my gosh. That's my favorite topic.
1055 00:45:00 我18岁的时候有了琪琪Well, I had Kiki when I was 18 years old.
1056 00:45:04 当护士把她抱到我的胸口And when the nurse placed her on my breast
1057 00:45:07 我注视着她说I looked down at her and I said
1058 00:45:08 你是我永远的最好的朋友"You are gonna be my best friend forever."
1059 00:45:12 这正常吗 永远的最好的朋友之类的？Is that normal? The best friend forever thing?
1060 00:45:14 额 我们这里不喜欢用Uh, well, you know, we don't like to use the word
1061 00:45:16 “正常”这个词汇"Normal" around here.
1062 00:45:20 不论如何 琪琪和我过去一直超级亲近Anyways, Kiki and I have always been super close
1063 00:45:24 因为我们基本上年纪相仿because we're basically the same age.
1064 00:45:26 然后我的丈夫死了And then my husband died
1065 00:45:28 我们变得更加粘糊and we became crazy close.
1066 00:45:31 我们一起去舞会We went to prom together.
1067 00:45:33 哇Wow!
1068 00:45:35 好的Okay.
1069 00:45:36 琪琪…And, uh, Kiki, uh...
1070 00:45:39 这些亲密的情况让你如何作想How does all this closeness make you feel?
1071 00:45:41 -额 -她觉得很棒- Well... - Well, she feels great.
1072 00:45:43 谁不想和他们的妈妈做最好的朋友呢Who wouldn't want to be best friends with their mom?
1073 00:45:45 -我爱我妈妈 -谢谢 亲爱的- I love my mom. - Thank you, honey.
1074 00:45:47 -我真的很爱 -谢谢- I really do. - Thank you.
1075 00:45:49 但是有时候 她可以更…But sometimes, she can be a bit much.
1076 00:45:51 什么What?
1077 00:45:53 -比如什么时候 -比如- Like when? - Like, uh...
1078 00:45:56 前不久的夜晚你看着我和肯特做爱When you watched Kent and I have sex the other night.
1079 00:45:58 天呐Oh, Lord.
1080 00:46:00 我只想知道你生活过得怎么样I just wanna know what's going on in your life.
1081 00:46:01 -这有错吗 -没有- Is that so wrong? - No.
1082 00:46:03 但有时 我…But sometimes, I just...
1083 00:46:05 我需要一点空间I'm in need of a little space.
1084 00:46:08 我不知道现在这是什么情况Oh, boy. I don't know what's happening right now.
1085 00:46:11 -为什么你要指责我 -我不是指责你- W-why are you turning on me? - I'm not turning on you.
1086 00:46:15 我只是说 我觉得我们可以I'm just saying, I think that we could benefit
1087 00:46:18 距离产生美 是吧from some boundaries, right?
1088 00:46:20 我得了癌症I have cancer.
1089 00:46:23 -癌症？ -额…- Cancer? - Mm-hm, mm-hm.
1090 00:46:25 天啦 什么癌症Oh, God. What kind of cancer?
1091 00:46:29 心脏 癌症Heart... cancer.
1092 00:46:36 -心脏癌症？ -是的- Heart cancer? - Yeah.
1093 00:46:38 第12阶段Stage 12.
1094 00:46:40 在我死之前 也许你健康的心脏会觉得Maybe you can find it in your non-cancerous heart
1095 00:46:42 应该对我好一点to be nice to me before I die.
1096 00:46:46 对不起妈妈 我 我不知道I'm so sorry, mom. I had... I had no idea.
1097 00:46:50 好了 好了I know. I know.
1098 00:46:53 天啦Oh, God.
1099 00:46:57 妈妈Mom.
1100 00:46:59 琪琪Oh, Keeks.
1101 00:47:01 琪琪 不 不 琪琪Oh, Kiki. No, no. Keeks.
1102 00:47:04 -好了 我没有癌症 -什么- Okay, I don't have cancer. - What?
1103 00:47:06 我就知道I knew it.
1104 00:47:07 但是想像下我患了癌症But imagine if I did have cancer
1105 00:47:09 对妈妈这么刻薄你会怎么想呢how would you feel being so mean to your mother?
1106 00:47:12 我不是要对你刻薄 妈妈I'm not trying to be mean to you, mom.
1107 00:47:14 我只是想对我们的关系I'm trying to have an honest conversation
1108 00:47:15 来一场诚实的谈话about our relationship.
1109 00:47:17 -我又得癌症了 -不- I have cancer again. - No.
1110 00:47:18 第二次不会有效果了It doesn't work like that a second time.
1111 00:47:19 -我得了小儿麻痹症 -我觉得小儿麻痹症能治好- I have polio. - I think they cured polio.
1112 00:47:22 -我得了黑死病 -不- I have bubonic plague. - No.
1113 00:47:24 -我得了带状疤疹 -妈妈- I have shingles. - Mom!
1114 00:47:25 我得了禽流感I have bird flu.
1115 00:47:27 -你说完了吗 -我得了弱视- Are you done? - I have a lazy eye.
1116 00:47:29 妈妈Mom!
1117 00:47:30 我们能不能谈一下我们的关系问题Please, can we just talk about our relationship?
1118 00:47:33 因为我想好好跟你解决一下这个问题Because I wanna work this out with you.
1119 00:47:35 是Yes.
1120 00:47:36 来谈吧 没错Let's do that. Yes.
1121 00:47:39 -真的么？ -千真万确- Really? - Yes.
1122 00:47:41 我是想和你一起解决这事儿的I wanna work this out with you.
1123 00:47:42 当真？Honestly?
1124 00:47:43 我想上一趟洗手间I'm gonna run to the ladies' room
1125 00:47:44 然后我马上就回来and I will be right back.
1126 00:47:46 好Okay.
1127 00:48:01 她不会回来的了 是么？She's not coming back, is she?
1128 00:48:03 嗯 不回的了No.
1129 00:48:05 她发什么神经啊？What is the matter with her?
1130 00:48:07 -你真的想知道么？ -是啊- You really wanna know? - Yeah.
1131 00:48:10 在怀上你之前 你妈妈可能还是挺正常的Your mom was probably pretty normal before she had you.
1132 00:48:13 但之后你出生了But then you were born.
1133 00:48:15 然后你整整6个月都不睡觉And you didn't sleep for six months
1134 00:48:16 所以她也6个月都没睡过觉咯so she didn't sleep for six months.
1135 00:48:18 而且你不吃东西 当你真的要吃东西了And you refused to eat, and when you did eat
1136 00:48:21 你就把她整一身衣服都呕了个遍you would barf all over her clothes.
1137 00:48:23 这就已经弄得你妈妈有那么一点点神经病咯And that made your mom a little crazy.
1138 00:48:25 长大之后 你从自行车上摔下来 把胳膊给摔断了And then you fell off your bike and you broke your arm.
1139 00:48:27 然后 你在学校又被人欺负了And then you got bullied in school.
1140 00:48:29 这还不算糟 你开始跟那个奇奇怪怪的家伙谈恋爱And then you started dating that weird dude
1141 00:48:31 这家伙鼻孔还穿了根棒子with the stick through his nose.
1142 00:48:33 以上种种 让你妈妈And all those things made your mom
1143 00:48:34 更加神经病了一点a little more crazy.
1144 00:48:36 之后你结婚了And then you got married.
1145 00:48:38 你竟然买了一间你负担不起的房子And you bought a house you can't afford.
1146 00:48:39 你养的孩子从来都不说And you're raising kids who never say
1147 00:48:41 “请”或者“谢谢”的"Please" or "Thank you."
1148 00:48:43 他们甚至连字都不认得 真她妈见鬼了Shit, they can't even read.
1149 00:48:45 以上种种 就让你妈妈And all those things made your mom
1150 00:48:46 变得超级神经病了super-duper crazy.
1151 00:48:48 然而现在 你跑到我办公室来 嚷嚷And now you come into my office, and you go
1152 00:48:50 “卡尔博士 为啥我妈妈那么神经病的？”"Dr. Karl, why is my mom so crazy?"
1153 00:48:53 那么我给你的回应就是…And the answer is...
1154 00:48:56 你这狗日的小兔患子you, motherfucker.
1155 00:48:58 是你逼疯了你妈妈You made your mom crazy.
1156 00:48:59 因此 你要对你妈妈好一点！因为你就是那个So be nice to your mom, 'cause you're the one
1157 00:49:02 将她搞成一沱屎的混账who fucked her shit up.
1158 00:49:03 你令今天变得更有圣诞节气息…You make it feel like Christmas
1159 00:49:08 今年我们在圣诞颂歌会上必定鹤立鸡群We are gonna dominate caroling this year.
1160 00:49:12 您穿的是啥衣服呢？What are you wearing?
1161 00:49:13 亲爱的 如果你想把圣诞颂歌会的冠军杯赢回的话Sweetie, if you wanna win the Caroling Cup
1162 00:49:15 你得穿着得有一个明晰的主题才行you have to have a theme.
1163 00:49:17 这就是为什么我们全部都要扮演Which is why we are all going
1164 00:49:18 “圣诞颂歌”里面的角色as characters from "A Christmas Carol."
1165 00:49:21 -哎哟妈呀！ -迪伦 你扮演马利的鬼魂- Oh, my God! - Dylan, you're Marley's Ghost.
1166 00:49:24 简 你扮演圣诞礼物的鬼魂Jane, you are the Ghost of Christmas Present.
1167 00:49:27 哦 好的Oh, great.
1168 00:49:28 然后艾米 你扮演斯克鲁奇（守财奴）And Amy, you're Scrooge.
1169 00:49:30 哦 哇 真谢谢了 老妈Oh. Wow, thanks, mom.
1170 00:49:32 我就觉得嘛 这个安排很恰到好处I just think it's appropriate, given how much
1171 00:49:34 考虑到你今年看起来这么讨厌圣诞节you seem to hate Christmas this year.
1172 00:49:36 妈妈 我并不讨厌圣诞节Mother, I don't hate Christmas.
1173 00:49:38 然后 这是大家人手一份的乐谱And here is everyone's sheet music.
1174 00:49:40 我倒是希望我们已经可以“脱谱”唱呢I'd hoped we'd all be off-book by now.
1175 00:49:42 -这里面的歌怎么这么多啊！ -这个…- This is a lot of songs. - Well...
1176 00:49:44 在韦斯特伯里的每家每户都要参与投票 投出谁能赢得这个奖杯Every home in Westbury gets to vote on who wins the Cup.
1177 00:49:46 所以我们今晚得至少窜门300户So we have to hit at least 300 houses tonight.
1178 00:49:50 300户？Three hundred?
1179 00:49:51 别担心 咱们有替补队友Don't worry. We have back-up.
1180 00:49:52 大家都进来吧Come on in, everybody.
1181 00:49:54 请向“芝加哥全圣合唱团”致以热烈的欢迎！Please welcome the Chicago All Saints Choir.
1182 00:49:58 我们还请了替身啊？You hired ringers?
1183 00:50:00 艾米 为求成功 我无所不用其极I did what I needed to do to succeed, Amy.
1184 00:50:03 以后你也应该试试You should try it sometime.
1185 00:50:05 好了 行吧 我们会参加颂歌比赛Okay, fine. We'll go caroling.
1186 00:50:07 但我不会穿这套荒谬至极的服装的But I'm not wearing this ridiculous costume.
1187 00:50:13 真他妈嗨气了Fuck me.
1188 00:50:22 嘿 大伙们 又有颂歌者Hey, guys, we got more carolers.
1189 00:50:25 说台词啊 斯克鲁奇！Read your line, Scrooge!
1190 00:50:28 还不快点- Do it. - Mm.
1191 00:50:31 “吧喊伯格 我是埃比尼泽·斯克鲁奇"Bah-humbug, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge
1192 00:50:33 我讨厌圣诞节 因为太多活儿要干了"and I hate Christmas because it's so much work
1193 00:50:35 况且 我很懒and I am lazy."
1194 00:50:37 拜托了 斯克鲁奇先生！Please, Mr. Scrooge!
1195 00:50:39 难道你不想听我们来一首么？Won't you listen to our song?
1196 00:50:41 让你的心灵感受一下温暖嘛！2 3 4And let ye heart be warmed! Two, three, four.
1197 00:50:45 祝您圣诞快乐！We wish you a merry Christmas
1198 00:50:49 祝您圣诞快乐！We wish you a merry Christmas
1199 00:50:52 祝您圣诞快乐！We wish you a merry Christmas
1200 00:50:55 祝您新年快乐！And a happy New Year
1201 00:50:59 我们把快乐带来给…Good tidings we bring
1202 00:51:02 您和您的孩子们 To you and your kids
1203 00:51:04 没错 这是属于圣诞节的快乐 Yeah good tidings for Christmas
1204 00:51:07 这他妈的是什么鬼东西啊？What the fuck is happening?
1205 00:51:09 大家新年快乐哦！Happy New Year everybody
1206 00:51:13 新年快乐哦！And a happy New Year
1207 00:51:27 “大家好 我是埃比尼泽·斯克鲁奇”"Bah-humbug, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge
1208 00:51:29 “我讨厌圣诞节 因为太多事儿要做了and I hate Christmas because it's so much work..."
1209 00:51:31 艾米 真的是你吗？Amy?
1210 00:51:34 哎哟 我操！Oh, shit!
1211 00:51:36 你这穿的是什么玩意儿啊？What in the fuck are you wearing?
1212 00:51:39 我老妈逼我穿的My mom made me wear this.
1213 00:51:41 我的天呀！你看上去真是正点！我是认真的…Oh, my God! You look amazing, serious...
1214 00:51:44 说实话哦 这可比你平时在学校穿得要好看啊！Honestly, this is better than what you usually wear at school.
1215 00:51:46 -等等 大家快来看 -别 别啊 姐妹们 这没啥好看的- Wait, guys, come here. - No, no, guys, it's okay.
1216 00:51:47 你们就 就呆在那儿好了 不用过来啦…You could, you could just stay there, it's...
1217 00:51:48 这位是艾米·米切尔This is Amy Mitchell.
1218 00:51:50 她装扮成胖老头了She's dressed up as an old fat man.
1219 00:51:52 不是的 实际上我想把自己装扮成斯克鲁奇的 但是…Uh, no, I'm actually supposed to be Scrooge, but that's...
1220 00:51:54 你们别笑啊 她是我朋友 这很不礼貌哇Don't laugh, she's my friend. That's rude.
1221 00:51:56 亲爱的 我得将此情此景拍下来发微博啊 马上就发Honey, I'm going to Instagram the shit out of this, right now.
1222 00:51:59 -好的 等一下 来个侧面照 -噢 很好！- Okay, wait. Side angle. - Oh, great!
1223 00:52:00 -然后换个姿势 -不错 嗯哼- And this one. - Okay, um.
1224 00:52:02 你能这样…稍微撇起那“樱桃小嘴”么？Can you do a li... Can you purse your lips for me a little bit?
1225 00:52:04 我要去了结自己了 所以…I'm gonna go kill myself, so...
1226 00:52:05 我会给你加个滤镜的 让你看上去没那么疲惫哈I'll put a filter on it, so you don't look so tired.
1227 00:52:08 -感谢来访哦 艾米！-拜- Thank you for visiting, Amy! - Bye.
1228 00:52:11 我不会让你忘记今晚的哦I will never let you forget this.
1229 00:52:12 -你懂的！ -我他妈懂了行了吧？- You know that. - I do.
1230 00:52:15 她脸上有根断了的鸡巴么？Was that a broken dick on her face?
1231 00:52:20 嗯 我觉得这回颂歌取得了极大的成功啊Well, I thought that was an enormous success.
1232 00:52:23 老妈 这 这 这样真的好么？Mom, this, this, this isn't working.
1233 00:52:25 -有啥不好了？ -这个嘛…呃…- What isn't working? - This, this.
1234 00:52:27 我他妈想要过一个轻松愉快的圣诞节I-I wanted a mellow Christmas
1235 00:52:29 而你他妈的就一步一脚印地跟我对着干and you keep fighting me every step of the way.
1236 00:52:31 对你的孩子们来说 这个圣诞节非常重要Amy, this is a very important Christmas for your kids.
1237 00:52:34 你可不能这样子就半途而废啊！You cannot just phone it in.
1238 00:52:35 我可不是这样 我并不是要半途而废I'm not, I'm not phoning it in.
1239 00:52:38 我的孩子们告诉我 他们想过一个轻松愉快的圣诞节My kids told me that they wanted a mellow Christmas.
1240 00:52:41 而我就答应了他们 我会让他们过一个轻松愉快的圣诞节And I promised them that I would give it to them.
1241 00:52:43 好吧 他们肯定这么跟你说啊 艾米Well, of course they told you that, Amy.
1242 00:52:45 因为他们是在说他们认为你想听的话Because they're telling you what they think you want to hear.
1243 00:52:47 但私下的 他们完全理解我这么做是对的But secretly, they know that I'm right.
1244 00:52:48 因为你猜怎么着？我就是正确的Because you know what? I just am.
1245 00:52:51 得了吧Okay.
1246 00:52:53 哈哈！你猜怎么着 我不跟你争论了Ha-ha! You know what? I'm done fighting this.
1247 00:52:56 我现在就要认真地告诉你I'm gonna tell you exactly
1248 00:52:58 我们今年要怎么过圣诞节how we're doing Christmas this year.
1249 00:53:00 孩子们和我打算花The kids and I are gonna spend
1250 00:53:02 整个平安夜的时间来滑雪橇the entire Christmas Eve day sledding.
1251 00:53:03 然后 我们就回家And then, we're gonna come home
1252 00:53:05 烤饼干 还有看《真爱至上》这部剧bake cookies, and watch "Love Actually."
1253 00:53:07 -少脑的电影 -然后 圣诞节当天早晨- Dumb movie. - Then, Christmas morning.
1254 00:53:10 我们只邀请杰西和她女儿过来做客Only Jessie and his daughter are gonna come over
1255 00:53:12 然后我们会互送三份礼物and we're gonna exchange three gifts.
1256 00:53:15 杰西是谁啊Who's Jessie?
1257 00:53:16 然后我们会穿着睡衣裤闲晃Then we're gonna spend all day in our pajamas
1258 00:53:18 直到我的朋友们来吃晚餐为止until my friends come over for dinner
1259 00:53:20 晚餐我们打算从王氏饭馆点中国菜外卖when we are gonna order Chinese takeout from Mr. Wang's.
1260 00:53:23 -真可怕 -啊！- The horror. - Ugh!
1261 00:53:25 没有臭显摆的派对There'll be no show-offy party
1262 00:53:27 不吃寿司 也不吃骆驼肉no sushi, no camels.
1263 00:53:29 还有 想都别想 绝对不请肯尼吉And definitely, definitely, no Kenny G.
1264 00:53:34 艾米 他可是美妙爵士乐的鼻祖啊Amy, he is the godfather of smooth jazz.
1265 00:53:37 老妈 我受够了你那些华而不实的圣诞节安排了！Mom, I am done with your over-the-top Christmases.
1266 00:53:40 这是我的家 我的生活This is my house, and this is my life.
1267 00:53:42 你要是想来这里And if you want to come down here
1268 00:53:43 成为我家的一分子的话and be a part of my family
1269 00:53:45 你就要听我的then you have to live by my rules.
1270 00:53:51 -好吧 -“好”?- Okay. - Really?
1271 00:53:53 那咱们按照你的意思来办吧We will do it your way.
1272 00:53:57 我们会过一个轻松愉快的圣诞节We will have a mellow Christmas.
1273 00:54:01 我希望你能过得开开心心I hope you're happy.
1274 00:54:03 我觉得这不是你的真心话I don't think you mean that.
1275 00:54:04 但还是要谢谢你 我很开心But thank you, I am.
1276 00:54:06 宝贝 愿你品尝我那心甘情愿的甜蜜 You can have my sugar sugar sugar baby
1277 00:54:11 宝贝 我愿意把我仅有的所有甜蜜都献于你 Wanna give you my sugar sugar sugar baby
1278 00:54:15 我心只为你而跳 Wanna give it to you
1279 00:54:20 只要你喜欢 If you want me to
1280 00:54:26 这招确实管用And it worked.
1281 00:54:28 我对她强硬起来 然后她就完全妥协了I stood up to her, and she totally backed down.
1282 00:54:29 -我为你感到自豪 -谢谢- I'm so proud of you. - Thank you.
1283 00:54:32 我真的头一次感受到I actually felt, for the first time
1284 00:54:33 我老妈平等地看待我my mom looked at me as an equal.
1285 00:54:35 或许将来某一天 自然地 我们的关系会更加亲密Like maybe someday, somehow, we could be closer.
1286 00:54:39 悠着点 别奥巴马了Relax, Obama.
1287 00:54:40 你妈妈依然是一个无人匹敌的女人Your mom is still a colossal bitch.
1288 00:54:43 防范之心不能减 否则她能把你汽车给拆了Don't let your guard down, or she's gonna blow up your car.
1289 00:54:45 -得了 得了 -我就打个比方而已- Alright, alright. - I'm just saying.
1290 00:54:47 行吧 无论如何 这可是一大进展Well, either way, it was a big step.
1291 00:54:49 所以呢 我就想敬你一杯 谢谢你给予我的鼓励So, I just wanna say thank you for encouraging me.
1292 00:54:52 -啊 我们为你感到自豪 呼！ -谢谢啊- Aww, we're so proud. Whoo! - Thank you.
1293 00:54:56 你知道我们应该怎么庆祝呢？You know what I think we should do to celebrate?
1294 00:54:58 那当然是看那几个圣诞老人…Watch a bunch of Santa Clauses
1295 00:55:00 跳脱衣舞啦！take off their clothes!
1296 00:55:04 给我来盏绿灯 Give me the green light
1297 00:55:06 只因我蓄势待发 'Cause I'm ready to go
1298 00:55:08 让我们寻找快乐 Let's have a good time
1299 00:55:11 你还犹豫什么？What you waiting for?
1300 00:55:12 人一世 物一世 We only got one life
1301 00:55:15 我们但求无悔 And we gonna live it up
1302 00:55:16 看那丫的！我爱这些“圣诞老人”Oh, yay! I love Santa Claus.
1303 00:55:19 而且还一下子上来这么多！And there's so many of them.
1304 00:55:22 姐妹们 我不想小题大做Guys, I don't wanna make a big deal of it.
1305 00:55:25 不过呢 啊 我好像就要跟台上的一个圣诞老人But, um, I'm kind of on a first date
1306 00:55:27 去约会了with one of the Santas.
1307 00:55:28 -得了吧你！ -我说真的！- Shut up. - Yeah.
1308 00:55:30 慢着 你说的是哪一个啊？Wait. Which one?
1309 00:55:32 二号圣诞老人Santa number two.
1310 00:55:35 If you know what I mean I'mma ride that mami
1311 00:55:38 Yeah I got the key and I'mma lock that mami...
1312 00:55:40 你们是怎认识的？How'd you guys meet?
1313 00:55:41 给他蛋蛋做脱毛服务的时候Oh, waxing his balls.
1314 00:55:42 真够浪漫的That is so romantic.
1315 00:55:44 给一个男人做脱毛服务的时候 能了解到他的各方各面You learn a lot about a man when you wax his sack.
1316 00:55:47 要知道 有些男人脱毛的时候疼哭了 有些却表现得很硬汉You know, some guys cry. Some guys act real tough.
1317 00:55:50 但…但是 他当时确实非常的安静But... But Ty, he was so calm.
1318 00:55:55 感觉就像给达赖喇嘛做脱毛服务一样It was almost like waxing the balls of the Dalai Lama.
1319 00:55:59 呜哇！Whoo!
1320 00:56:01 芝加哥的各位 你们好吗？How you doin' tonight, Chicago?
1321 00:56:05 好了Alright.
1322 00:56:06 好了 各位美女 听着Okay, listen, ladies
1323 00:56:07 我需要你们告诉我I need you guys to tell me
1324 00:56:09 这些圣诞老人中的哪一个which one of these Sexy Santas
1325 00:56:10 才是他们当中最性感的？is the sexiest of them all?
1326 00:56:13 准备好了吗？耶！Think you're ready? Yeah!
1327 00:56:15 好了 那么 我们开始施展浑身解数吧！Okay, well, let's start this thing off.
1328 00:56:17 一号圣诞老人 请开始你的表演！Santa number one, the bar is yours, sir.
1329 00:56:32 傲！这赘肉还真多耶！Oh. That is a lot of white skin.
1330 00:56:41 好 这么着吧 够了 够了 一号圣诞老人到此Okay, you know what? Alright, alright, Santa number one.
1331 00:56:43 观众们已经做出了选择The audience has spoken.
1332 00:56:44 感谢你的激情表演Thank you. Such a good sport.
1333 00:56:46 非常用心Such a good sport.
1334 00:56:48 好 现在Alright. Now.
1335 00:56:50 哥们 摇摆起来吧！Bring it to the stage, my man
1336 00:56:52 二号圣诞老人！Santa number two!
1337 00:57:18 耶 快脱！Yeah! Take it off!
1338 00:57:37 他真会跳脱衣舞啊He's, he's really good at stripping.
1339 00:57:40 -他的眼神太有爱了 -是啊- He has such kind eyes. - Yeah.
1340 00:57:43 我今晚要干到他老二缴械投降才罢休I'm gonna fuck his dick off tonight.
1341 00:57:48 二号 快给我留个种啊！Put a baby in me, Santa number two!
1342 00:57:53 哇Whoo!
1343 00:57:56 哇 我特喜欢他的内裤啊 当下超级流行款呢！Whoo! I love his panties. They're so seasonal.
1344 00:58:07 我的天呀Oh, my God.
1345 00:58:12 -我感觉我要爱上他了 -什么鬼？- I think I'm in love. - What?
1346 00:58:16 我真的觉得他就是…我的真命天子啊I honestly think that he's... the one.
1347 00:58:21 哟 那是你妈妈么？Is that your mom?
1348 00:58:27 慢着 他妈 还真是！为什么…老妈！Wait, holy shit. It is. Why is... Mom!
1349 00:58:30 喂 你到底在干什么啊？What, what are you doing?
1350 00:58:32 -噢 快看快看 -哟- Oh, look at that. - Yeah.
1351 00:58:34 我老妈跟谁跳舞都那副德性My mom dances this way with everybody.
1352 00:58:38 所以呢 这没啥 我不纠结这个So, this doesn't bother me at all.
1353 00:58:43 噢 天啊 他的脸都埋到她胸里了Oh, my God. His face is in her tits.
1354 00:58:45 打住啊 老妈 老妈！别用胸埋了他脸啊！Wait. Mom. Mom, no motorboating!
1355 00:58:47 -我们之前不是说好了么？ -行了- We talked about this. - Alright.
1356 00:58:49 -场面准备尴尬了 -有好戏看了！- It's about to get weird. - It's game time.
1357 00:58:51 -噢 你真漂亮哦！ -这是我妈妈- Oh, you look great! - That's my mom.
1358 00:58:52 -她是你妈妈？ -是我老妈- That's your mom? - Yeah, that's my mom.
1359 00:58:54 -是你妈妈？ -是啊- Your mom? - Yeah.
1360 00:58:56 噢 天啊 真是荣幸 你有一个这么漂亮的女儿啊Oh, my God, it's a pleasure. You have such a lovely daughter.
1361 00:58:58 这还用说I know.
1362 00:59:03 你真的没必要看着You should never have to watch
1363 00:59:05 你老妈一下下舔你男友的乳头的your mom lick your boyfriend's nipples.
1364 00:59:07 -天啊 -妈妈！- No. - Mom!
1365 00:59:09 你在干什么？What are you doing?
1366 00:59:11 -哇 -噢 我的老天爷- Whoa. - Oh, my God.
1367 00:59:15 妈妈！Mom!
1368 00:59:21 竟然没有一个人接住我 真令人吃惊Not one person caught me. That was amazing.
1369 00:59:23 每次他们跳进人群里 通常都有人…Every time they jump into the crowd, someone usually...
1370 00:59:26 -你好啊 -噢 你好- Hi. - Oh.
1371 00:59:28 -嗨 那个… -你来了- Hi. Hey. - Here you are.
1372 00:59:30 我 呃…给你拿了个冰袋I, uh... Bag of ice for you.
1373 00:59:33 -噢 -真感谢你哦- Oh. - Thank you, Ty.
1374 00:59:36 嗯…Um...
1375 00:59:38 那么 今晚的事情呢 你懂的So, about tonight, um, you know
1376 00:59:40 我们本来打算表演结束后出去逛逛的we were gonna hang out after the show.
1377 00:59:42 呃 其实 我是蛮期待的And, uh, I mean, I was looking forward to it.
1378 00:59:43 我心里就打算着 呃…I was wondering if, uh...
1379 00:59:45 你还有兴趣和我约一下么？If you're still up for it, you know?
1380 00:59:47 -噢 泰 -嗯？- Oh, Ty. - Yeah.
1381 00:59:49 呃…Um...
1382 00:59:52 -我想去啊 -那就好了- I would love to. - Good.
1383 00:59:54 但是 呃…But, um...
1384 00:59:55 你看 我想这应该是You know, I think this is
1385 00:59:56 我老妈这个月的第三次脑震荡了 我可能只能…
1386 00:59:58 哇呜 这震荡还挺频繁的嘛！Wow, that's a lot of concussions.
1387 01:00:01 我还是呆在她身边照看她吧Better stay with her for observation.
1388 01:00:04 理解Yeah.
1389 01:00:06 那么 呃…Well, um...
1390 01:00:09 明天我就要回克里夫兰了I gotta get back to Cleveland tomorrow.
1391 01:00:11 -好的 -但是 呃…- Right. - But, uh...
1392 01:00:14 我想 我下次来这里的时候能打个电话告诉你吗？Think I could give you a call next time I come into town?
1393 01:00:16 这样…这样可以吗？Would that... that interest you at all?
1394 01:00:19 我可以打给你吗？Could I do that?
1395 01:00:20 -求之不得 -真的？- Please. - Yeah?
1396 01:00:21 -当然 -那太好了- Yes. - Great.
1397 01:00:22 到时候 我愿意给你免费脱毛啊！I'd, I'd wax your balls for free.
1398 01:00:25 真贴心啊！That is so sweet.
1399 01:00:28 好啊 我很享受这样的服务Well, I would really love that, Carla.
1400 01:00:32 我蛋蛋也会同样很享受And so would my balls.
1401 01:00:33 好 那就说定了Well. Consider it done.
1402 01:00:36 然后 呃…And, uh...
1403 01:00:39 哦Oh.
1404 01:00:41 抱歉 我以为你想要（法式舌吻形态啃咬）Sorry, I thought you wanted to...
1405 01:00:44 圣诞快乐哦 卡拉Merry Christmas, Carla.
1406 01:00:47 圣诞快乐 泰Merry Christmas, Ty.
1407 01:00:53 铃声即将响起 Bells will be ringing
1408 01:00:57 瑞雪伴随的会是那丰收般的幸福之信吗？The glad glad news
1409 01:01:01 哦 这到底还是他妈的一个圣诞节啊 Oh what a Christmas
1410 01:01:05 你的心情也像四处弥漫的阴霆么？You have the blues
1411 01:01:09 你瞧 我的心肝宝贝离开了 My baby's gone
1412 01:01:13 你瞧 放眼望去 我并无故人 I have no friends
1413 01:01:17 想用问候的话语祝福我么？To wish me greetings
1414 01:01:21 Mm
1415 01:01:22 一次又一次 Once again
1416 01:01:27 好了 是时候睡觉啦 我的宝贝儿们Okay, time for bed, my darlings.
1417 01:01:30 今晚呢 我要给你们唱Tonight, I am going to sing you
1418 01:01:32 “我心永恒”"My Heart Will Go On"
1419 01:01:34 来自七次格莱美音乐奖获得者席琳·狄翁by seven-time Grammy winner, Celine Dion.
1420 01:01:38 嗯哼？Mm-hm?
1421 01:01:42 怎么啦 宝贝们？What's the matter?
1422 01:01:45 你跟我们老妈还好吗？Is everything okay with you and mom?
1423 01:01:47 就是哦 你们俩经常吵架啊Yeah, you guys have been fighting a lot.
1424 01:01:49 来来来 坐我旁边 你们俩 都坐过来嘛Come here and sit by me. Both of you, come here.
1425 01:01:54 现在呢 你们老妈跟我只是有一些小小的争论而已Now, your mother and I just have a few tiny disagreements
1426 01:01:58 这些争论是关于圣诞节的重要性的about the importance of Christmas
1427 01:02:00 以及圣诞节对于一位母亲的意义and what it means to be a mother
1428 01:02:01 还有就是对婚姻神圣义务的争论和怎样养育小孩才是最好的争论and the sanctity of marriage and how best to raise children.
1429 01:02:04 除这些以外一切都是正常的哦But otherwise, everything is fine.
1430 01:02:06 没啥好担心的 对不对？There's no reason to worry, okay?
1431 01:02:10 听着 我知道这是你们父母离婚以后Look, I know this is your first Christmas
1432 01:02:13 过的第一个圣诞节since your parents got divorced.
1433 01:02:15 这种感觉对于你们来说应该有点奇怪 我说的对吗？And it's probably a little strange for you. Am I right?
1434 01:02:17 -对啊 -对啊 真的是这样- Yeah. - Yeah. It really is.
1435 01:02:19 那么 首先呢Well, first of all
1436 01:02:21 可以确定的是 你们的父母 都依然那么爱你们的both of your parents still love you so very much.
1437 01:02:24 无论发生任何事 都是如此And no matter what happens
1438 01:02:27 我也会时时刻刻守护着你们I will always be there for you.
1439 01:02:30 时时刻刻Always.
1440 01:02:32 因为你们都是我的孙儿女 我很爱你们Because you're my grandkids, and I love you
1441 01:02:35 爱你们之于世上只有 并无他人他物可比more than anything in the whole world.
1442 01:02:37 汉克爷爷也跟我一样 是那么的爱你们And so does Grandpa Hank.
1443 01:02:39 我知道他的脑子蠢得应该只有一颗核桃那么的大小I know his brain is the size of a walnut
1444 01:02:41 但要知道 他的心胸是广阔得足以容纳你们 保护你们的but you know, his heart is enormous.
1445 01:02:46 好了 心里好过些了吗？好些啦
1446 01:02:49 奶奶 有你在 真好It's really nice having you here, grandma.
1447 01:02:51 是啊 我们真的会很想你的没错啊
1448 01:02:54 噢 我也会很想你们的Oh, I miss you, too.
1449 01:02:57 孙儿孙女 真的是我人生中最美好的礼物Grandkids, they really are the greatest gift.
1450 01:03:01 说到礼物 送你们一人一部iPhone哈！Speaking of gifts, have some iPhones.
1451 01:03:04 -爽歪歪 -我在做梦吧- Nice. - No way.
1452 01:03:06 现在 准备好就上床睡觉了哦Now, get ready for bed.
1453 01:03:08 然后我回头过来给你们唱歌 唱歌几小时不在话下And I will come back and sing to you for hours.
1454 01:03:12 平安夜
1455 01:03:17 我真不敢相信有人会上这个当的 太愚蠢了吧I can't believe people fall for this shit. It's so stupid.
1456 01:03:20 -是啊 我懂的 -噢 等等 某人来了- Yeah, I know. - Oh wait, here comes somebody.
1457 01:03:22 圣诞快乐！ 噢 圣诞快乐哦！- Merry Christmas! - Oh, Merry Christmas.
1458 01:03:24 等 等 等一下Ho, ho, hold on.
1459 01:03:25 嘿嘿 你想不想… 就是 呃 把你的Hey, would you like to, uh, donate
1460 01:03:26 罐头什么的捐出来 给我们这个圣诞罐头之车呢？your canned goods to our Christmas Canned Food Drive?
1461 01:03:30 噢 不过 我似乎是都用自己的钱买回来的啊Oh, um, I sort of just bought all this.
1462 01:03:32 宾果 她有罐头影像哟 喔- Bingo. She's got cans. - Oh!
1463 01:03:36 噢 老妈 看啊看啊看 她连酒都买好了Oh, mom, look, look, look. She's got wine.
1464 01:03:38 非常感谢你对“圣诞罐头义工行”的Thank you very much for a very generous donation
1465 01:03:41 慷慨捐赠哦to the "Canned Christmas Food Drive."
1466 01:03:43 孩子们一定会很开心的The children are gonna be so happy.
1467 01:03:45 赞！Yes!
1468 01:03:47 -这一波够爽的 老妈 -没错 她搞到一些硬货哦- That was a good haul, mom. - Yeah, she had some good shit.
1469 01:03:50 我跟你说啊…和你一起 在超市门口抢劫You know... ripping off rich people
1470 01:03:53 有钱人们的东西 真的是…in front of the supermarket with you is...
1471 01:03:55 让我想起以前圣诞节的很多美好的回忆bringing back a lotta happy Christmas memories for me.
1472 01:03:58 是啊 我也是这样呢 宝贝儿Yeah. Me too, babe.
1473 01:04:01 我想念你啊 知道吗？I miss you, you know?
1474 01:04:03 我也想念你I miss you, too.
1475 01:04:05 这感觉太诡异了It's so weird.
1476 01:04:08 是啊 或许我们应该…多花点时间呆一起？
1477 01:04:13 你是真心说这些么？Do you mean that?
1478 01:04:15 当然啊Yeah.
1479 01:04:17 跟你说啊 我们在舞厅的时候You know, when we were at the bouncy place
1480 01:04:18 跟那个谁…他叫啥名字？with, um... what's his name?
1481 01:04:21 -哦 我儿子 贾克森？ -是啊 是他- Oh, my son, Jaxon? - Yeah, him.
1482 01:04:23 嗯 我就是看着你们俩拿着棍子Um, I was watching you two and you were beating the shit
1483 01:04:26 就互相一顿狠打 我觉得啊out of each other with those sticks, and I thought
1484 01:04:28 我觉得 可能我应该跟我孙子谈一场恋爱才行这样才能呆在你们身边久一点
1485 01:04:30 嗯 我们啊 嗯 我们很想有更多机会和你见面Well, we'd, um, we'd love to see you more.
1486 01:04:35 嗯 好啊Yeah. Okay.
1487 01:04:38 要知道 呃You know, uh...
1488 01:04:39 我最近一直在想I've been doing a lot of thinking
1489 01:04:41 关于你问我拿钱的事情 妈 嗯…about the money you asked me for, mom, and...
1490 01:04:43 呃 我真够白痴的啊Um, I'm such an idiot.
1491 01:04:45 这可是圣诞节啊 你是我老妈 我真的应该…But it's Christmas and you're my mom and...
1492 01:04:50 哎 去他的 给你 这算是贷款吧 算是了Eh, fuck it. Here. It's a loan. It's a loan.
1493 01:04:53 我觉得 这跟你问要的数目有点差距 但是呃…I mean, this is not everything you asked for, but...
1494 01:04:55 -噢 别这么想啊 我觉得很满足了！ -确切的说 我身上就这么多了- Oh, no, that's great! - Basically all I have.
1495 01:04:57 非常感谢你啊 这权当是一次贷款Thank you so much. This is a loan.
1496 01:04:59 我发誓啊 我一定会还给你的I will pay you back, I swear.
1497 01:05:01 因为现在我要准备的东西都齐了I really have my shit together now.
1498 01:05:02 谢谢 哇！Thanks. Whoa!
1499 01:05:04 嘿！先生 圣诞节快乐！Hey! Sir, Merry Christmas!
1500 01:05:06 -圣诞快乐！ -圣诞快乐！- Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas!
1501 01:05:08 你想不想捐出你的罐头食品给我们的爱心罐头义捐活动呃？Would you like to donate your cans to our Canned Food Drive?
1502 01:05:11 我们正在为那些无家可归的人募捐一些食物啊We're collecting for a drive for the homeless.
1503 01:05:14 -这下好了 这些是我刚花钱买的啊 -嗯 发现有罐头食品咯- Yikes. I just bought all this. - And the canned goods.
1504 01:05:17 -你懂的 这意义重大呢 -滚你蛋的 哪门子意义重大了？- You know, this is important. - The fuck is this?
1505 01:05:19 哦？这是八角哦Uh, that's fennel.
1506 01:05:21 噢 扔了吧这鸟东西好开心哈
1507 01:05:23 非常感谢您的支持哦Thank you so much.
1508 01:05:25 噢 糟糕了 商场经理 他正在过来 撤退Oh, shit. Manager. Manager's coming. Code red, code red.
1509 01:05:28 走走走 老妈！我们的车停哪儿了？Go, go, go. Mom! Where did we park?
1510 01:05:30 -我们的车停哪儿了？ -光明节快乐哦- Where did we park? - Happy Hanukkah.
1511 01:05:32 -我们车到底停哪儿了？ -别问那么多 快撤- Where did we park? - Go, go, go, go.
1512 01:05:33 他们刚刚光天化日之下偷走了我买的全部东西 我操They just totally stole all my shit.
1513 01:05:35 还是把这个也带走吧！这挺可爱的 对不对？Taking this, though. This is cute, right?
1514 01:05:37 耶 耶Yeah, yeah.
1515 01:05:38 好啦 大家伙们Okay, guys.
1516 01:05:40 平安夜啦 大家都得各自打开一份礼物So since it's Christmas Eve, everybody gets to open
1517 01:05:42 对不？one present, okay?
1518 01:05:43 噢！先打开我送你的礼物嘛Oh! Kiki. Hey, Kiki, Kiki. Open mine.
1519 01:05:46 请先打开我的那份嘛 拜托啦！Please open mine first. Please.
1520 01:05:48 我想我先拆一个试试看 好的- I'll go first. I guess. - Okay.
1521 01:05:53 这是啥来着？What's this?
1522 01:05:54 钥匙啊It is a key
1523 01:05:57 我新房子的钥匙哈！to my new house!
1524 01:06:00 你啥意思捏？What are you talking about?
1525 01:06:01 好吧 经历了我们这个“疗程”之后呢Well, after our therapy session
1526 01:06:03 我感觉啊 我们之间的距离真的越来越远了I felt like we were drifting apart.
1527 01:06:05 所以我决定 搬房子 要离你们近一点的So I decided to move closer to you guys.
1528 01:06:08 噢 好 呃 你搬到哪里去了啦？Oh. Okay. Uh, where are you moving to?
1529 01:06:11 就在隔壁啊！Right next door!
1530 01:06:13 老天爷什么鬼？
1531 01:06:16 你要搬到隔壁 呱 我的隔壁吗？You're moving, um, next door to me?
1532 01:06:18 没错 这房子甚至还没有公开售卖呢Yeah, the house wasn't on the market.
1533 01:06:19 于是我在房地产估价网站搜了一下 然后我全额现金付款了！So I checked it out on Zillow and I made an all-cash offer.
1534 01:06:22 然后就…唠！邻居你好And then, boom. Howdy, neighbor.
1535 01:06:24 -你好啊 邻居 -我的天呀- Howdy, neighbor. - Oh, my God.
1536 01:06:27 我们甚至可以在两家之间挖个地道呢 两两互通不要太爽！We can dig a tunnel between the houses. Keeks!
1537 01:06:30 噢 两两互通啊…Oh, Keeks.
1538 01:06:33 肯特把孩子们带出去一下Kent, get the kids out of here.
1539 01:06:35 嗯哼 好好好 我们走吧 孩子们一起到外面溜达一下Mm-hm. Yep, yep. Let's go, guys. Let's get outta here.
1540 01:06:37 妈妈和外婆需要聊一下呢 来吧 孩子们 出发吧Mommy and grandma gotta talk. Come on, buddy.
1541 01:06:39 这下可要难堪了This is gonna get ugly.
1542 01:06:41 -老妈 妈妈！ -啥？啥啊？- Mom. Mom. - What? What?
1543 01:06:42 你总不能就住在我隔壁吧You can't live next door to me.
1544 01:06:43 -为 为什么不能啊？ -因为我需要个人空间啊！- Why, why not? - Because I need space.
1545 01:06:46 然后 这就是 这就是 太近了啊！And t-that, that is too close.
1546 01:06:50 我有糖尿病啊-老妈 先别开始说这个！
1547 01:06:54 先坐下 先坐下 琪琪- Sit down. Sit down. - Kiki. Kiki.
1548 01:06:56 -坐啊 -琪琪啊- Sit. - Kiki.
1549 01:06:57 -我得了脓毒性咽喉炎 -老妈 够了！- I've got strep throat. - Mom.
1550 01:06:58 -我可能有胆结石····· -能别说了吗？- I might have gallstones... - No.
1551 01:07:00 -这真的是…我这是… -够了够了！- And really, Kiki, this is... - Enough.
1552 01:07:01 我们得好好谈一下We need to have this conversation.
1553 01:07:04 首先 我是一个成年女人了 需要过自己的生活I am a grown woman who needs a life
1554 01:07:07 是什么生活呢？是与你的生活相互独立的生活 我需要你that is separate from yours, and I need you
1555 01:07:09 过上与我的生活相互分隔互不干扰的生活to have a life that's separate from mine.
1556 01:07:12 真对不起I'm sorry.
1557 01:07:14 我不想过没有你在身边的生活啊！Kiki, I don't want a life separate from yours.
1558 01:07:17 你是我这个世界上最喜爱的人了You're my favorite person in the whole world.
1559 01:07:18 我知道啊 但是 老妈 你这样已经开始I know, but, mom, this is starting
1560 01:07:20 影响到我的婚姻了知道吗？to affect my marriage.
1561 01:07:21 -不是吧？ -还有影响到我的家庭了- What? - And my family.
1562 01:07:23 -哦 -还有影响到我的精神状况- Oh. - And my sanity.
1563 01:07:24 我真的就想 就需要你…And I just, I need you to...
1564 01:07:27 就 就让我离你远一点 好让我有足够的个人空间To, to just let me go a little bit.
1565 01:07:32 那么 我自己一个人 怎么办？Well, what am I supposed to do with myself?
1566 01:07:35 我不知道啊妈妈！随便做些什么都可以啊！交些朋友啊！I don't know, mom! Anything! Make some friends!
1567 01:07:37 你不是老说自己想要去拉斯维加斯旅行吗？You're always saying you wanna go to Vegas
1568 01:07:39 你说要在维恩·牛顿去世之前看看他to see Wayne Newton before he dies.
1569 01:07:41 想做就去做啊！或者做些其他什么的都好啊！Do that! Anything!
1570 01:07:43 只要你不要拖我下水就可以了！As long as it's without me!
1571 01:07:48 不能…和你一起？Without you?
1572 01:07:52 琪琪为什么你要这样对我？Why are you doing this to me, Kiki?
1573 01:07:56 我并不是要…妈妈！I didn't... Mom.
1574 01:07:58 你猜怎么着 我还真觉得这房子我想退回去都退不了！And I really don't think I can return that house!
1575 01:08:10 -呼！ -嘿- Whoo! - Hey.
1576 01:08:12 滑雪橇好不好玩啊？噢 好玩啊
1577 01:08:14 在我裤兜里还残留着一大堆雪There is still an alarming amount of snow
1578 01:08:16 我得说in my pants, I gotta say.
1579 01:08:18 噢 我迫不及待想快点回家了Oh, I can't wait to go home
1580 01:08:19 然后穿上宽松的衣服 舒舒服服的晃着throw on some jammies, get comfy.
1581 01:08:22 我知道 是该这样子的 噢 快看 有人在开派对哦I know. It's gonna be... Oh, look, someone's having a party.
1582 01:08:25 咦 是的哦Yeah, they are.
1583 01:08:27 -哇 人真他妈多啊 -没错啊- Wow, that's a lot of people. - A lot of people.
1584 01:08:30 等等Wait.
1585 01:08:31 原来是你在开这个派对哦？You're having a party.
1586 01:08:34 嗯 那是只骆驼么？Um, is that a camel?
1587 01:08:38 没错啊Yup, that's a camel.
1588 01:08:42 我要灭了她I'm gonna kill her.
1589 01:08:53 什么玩意儿啊？What the fuck?
1590 01:09:01 她都在我家里搞了什么东西啊？What did she do to my house?
1591 01:09:04 我不要（寿司）!No!
1592 01:09:06 对不起Gomenasai.
1593 01:09:20 肯尼吉竟然在我小书房里！Kenny G's in my den.
1594 01:09:28 妈妈！Mom.
1595 01:09:31 你骗我You lied to me.
1596 01:09:34 我为这个家尽了心 也尽了力呢 你为啥这么说I did what was best for the family.
1597 01:09:36 妈！知道这个圣诞有什么不好吗？不好的东西都在这里！在这个屋子Mom, everything that is wrong with Christmas is in this room
1598 01:09:39 我要让这所有的糟心人和糟心事全部消失！and I want it all gone.
1599 01:09:40 艾米 别耍孩子气Amy, don't be ridiculous.
1600 01:09:42 你万万不可把肯尼吉赶出去啊You can't kick Kenny G out of the house.
1601 01:09:44 他可是国宝级人物啊He's a national treasure.
1602 01:09:45 你不赶他走是吧 那我来赶他走If you won't do it, then I will.
1603 01:09:47 你不敢这样做的You wouldn't dare.
1604 01:09:49 噢 那你别眨眼 注意看了Oh. Watch me.
1605 01:09:54 哟！我要你现在离开我的房子Yo! I need you to leave my house.
1606 01:09:57 你在开什么玩笑啊？What are you talking about?
1607 01:09:58 滚出去 叫你滚出去啊肯尼吉Get the fuck out, Kenny G.
1608 01:10:00 -那我还是有酬金的吧 是不是啊？ -鬼知道你啊！- I'm still getting paid, right? - I don't know!
1609 01:10:02 带走你的小笛子 继续吹 边吹边溜吧Take your little flute and shoo! Shoo, fly.
1610 01:10:04 -出去 去搞下一个专辑去 -这才不是什么笛子 臭妹子- Go make another album. - It's not a flute, bitch.
1611 01:10:06 懒得理你 非常感谢大家 谢谢你们 你们现在可以走了Don't care. Thank you so much. Thank you. You can go now.
1612 01:10:09 请走 你们可以走了 非常感谢你们的到来Please. You can leave. Thank you so much for coming.
1613 01:10:11 非常感谢大家 你也是 速速离开吧 朋友Thank you very much. You too, my friend.
1614 01:10:12 拜托了 别在这里呆着了 请离开吧Please. No, no. Please exit.
1615 01:10:14 我不认识你们任何一个人 请尽快离开我的房子吧I don't know any of you. Please leave my house.
1616 01:10:18 再见 拜拜 寿司师傅 你得走了Farewell, see you later. Sushi chef, you gotta go.
1617 01:10:20 我不需要你在这里了 你可以把那碟子也带走的 无所谓啦We're done. You can take that plate.
1618 01:10:22 艾米 停下来啊！你让这个家蒙羞了！Amy, stop! You're embarrassing the family.
1619 01:10:27 噢 天啊 这才是真正的原因 对不？Oh, my God. That's what this is about, isn't it?
1620 01:10:29 这才他妈是真正的原因啊 我咋就不懂呢？This finally makes sense.
1621 01:10:30 完美的装饰啊 完美的圣诞树啊The, the perfect decorations, the perfect tree
1622 01:10:33 这货从哪门子进来的 明明他妈就是我院子前的大树whatever the hell that thing is in my front yard.
1623 01:10:35 你并不是为了孩子们而办这个派对的！你是为了你自己而已！You didn't do this for the kids! You did this for you!
1624 01:10:38 你从来关心的就只是人来人往 然后人们都对你说All you care about is for people to go
1625 01:10:39 噢 露丝 你真的太厉害了"Oh, Ruth. You're so amazing."
1626 01:10:41 我都不知道你在说什么I have no idea what you're talking about.
1627 01:10:43 离开之前别忘了你们的LV包Please don't leave without taking
1628 01:10:44 可别落在我家里了！your Louis Vuitton swag bag.
1629 01:10:47 噢 天啊 天啊 拜托了！Oh, God. Oh, God. Please.
1630 01:10:48 这所有的…快滚快滚！快滚！Th-this has got to all go. A-all of this has got to go.
1631 01:10:50 那些狂炫酷靓包 那些奇形怪状的幕帘Th-the swag bags, th-the weird curtains
1632 01:10:53 那地板 那圣诞树the floor, the tree.
1633 01:10:54 干他妹的 这树一定要清掉！Oh, God, the tree has got to go.
1634 01:10:57 别啊 别弄走我的树 这可是从巴黎运过来的！No, not my tree! It's from Paris!
1635 01:10:59 -那你看仔细了 -不要啊！- Watch me. - No!
1636 01:11:01 别啊！No!
1637 01:11:03 妈妈 跟你这破树说声再见吧！Say goodbye to your tree, mother!
1638 01:11:05 -这可是老古董啊！ -这树可真丑爆了 老妈！- That's an antique! - It's a hideous tree, mother!
1639 01:11:08 -我还真不知道！ -这他妈还是假的雪花！- You have no idea! - It's not even real snow!
1640 01:11:10 你真是大胆了你知道不知道这货到底花了多少钱？
1641 01:11:12 我管你呢！扔掉！I don't care! Let go!
1642 01:11:14 扔掉扔掉！Let go! Let go!
1643 01:11:17 那些摆设原本可是摆在铁达尼号上的！Those were from the "Titanic!"
1644 01:11:19 我管你！I don't care!
1645 01:11:24 那冰雕是从月球上采下来的！That ice was from the moon!
1646 01:11:25 这可是月球冰啊 狗日的婆妈妈！It was moon ice, you nasty bitch!
1647 01:11:28 放开手 别抓住这蠢透顶的树！Let go of the stupid tree!
1648 01:11:30 放手！Let go!
1649 01:11:32 给我听好 妈妈！Listen, mom!
1650 01:11:33 我给我孩子们许诺I promised my kids
1651 01:11:35 承诺说不会让圣诞节搞成这乌烟瘴气的I wouldn't do Christmas like this!
1652 01:11:36 大家都喜欢圣诞节这么热闹啊！Everybody loves a Christmas like this!
1653 01:11:39 这才他妈的开心壮观啊！It's fucking spectacular!
1654 01:11:40 不 他们才不是这样！No, they don't!
1655 01:11:53 我了个去Holy shit.
1656 01:11:56 我要你现在就离开这里艾米！
1657 01:11:59 我一直以来都在忍受你的这些鬼玩意I've been putting up with your shit
1658 01:12:00 长这么大一直都在忍！my entire life.
1659 01:12:02 我实在是忍无可忍了！I can't do it anymore.
1660 01:12:04 我实在…不能I just... I can't.
1661 01:12:06 我要你现在就离开这座房子I need you out of my house
1662 01:12:07 为了大家都好 以后也别出现在我的生活中了and I need you out of my life for good.
1663 01:12:09 -你肯定在说气话 -我可是真的、真的非常认真对你说这话的- You don't mean that. - I really, really do.
1664 01:12:17 -艾米 这可是圣诞节啊 -妈妈 你快走吧！- Amy, it's Christmas. - Mother, get out!
1665 01:12:43 你刚是不是赶走了外婆 她以后都不能回来了？Did you just kick out grandma forever?
1666 01:12:47 你们 在这里站了多久啊？Guys, how long have you been standing here?
1667 01:12:49 你怎么能这样对我？How could you do this to us?
1668 01:12:50 宝贝们 请相信我这么做对大家都是最好的 好吗？Guys, would you please just trust me that it's for the best?
1669 01:12:53 不 完全不好！这只是对你来说是最好而已No, it's not! It's the best for you.
1670 01:12:55 我们真的爱外婆We actually love grandma.
1671 01:12:57 没错 她是我们家庭的一份子 我们都爱她Yeah, she's a part of our family, and we love her.
1672 01:13:00 哟 你不能随便撵人Yo-you don't just kick someone out.
1673 01:13:02 首先 你撵走了爸爸 现在 你又撵走外婆First, you kick dad out. Now, you kick grandma out.
1674 01:13:05 谁是下一个 你也要撵走我们吗Who's next? Are you gonna kick us out?
1675 01:13:07 什么 不 亲爱的 当然不会 我绝不会那么做What, honey, no, of course not. I would never do that.
1676 01:13:11 你为什么总是将每件事都搞砸Why do you always have to screw everything up?
1677 01:13:15 亲爱的Honey...
1678 01:13:16 干得好Nice goin'.
1679 01:13:19 孩子们Guys.
1680 01:13:22 孩子们Guys...
1681 01:13:32 那就是如何发生的So that's how it happened.
1682 01:13:34 那就是我如何毁了圣诞节That's how I ruined Christmas.
1683 01:13:37 我是如此完全沉浸于和我老妈抗争I got so wrapped up in fighting with my mom
1684 01:13:39 而忽略了that I lost sight of the only thing
1685 01:13:41 最重要的事情that actually matters.
1686 01:13:44 我忽略了我的孩子们I lost sight of my kids.
1687 01:13:47 而且更糟糕的是And what's worse is...
1688 01:13:49 我不仅毁了圣诞节I didn't just ruin Christmas.
1689 01:13:51 还毁了我的家庭I ruined my family.
1690 01:13:56 忘记布伦南神父所说 Forget what Father Brennan said
1691 01:14:00 我们不是生来即罪恶 We were not born in sin
1692 01:14:03 在你的床上留一张纸条 Leave a note on your bed
1693 01:14:07 妈妈Mom?
1694 01:14:09 这是平安夜It's Christmas Eve.
1695 01:14:11 你想要去哪里吃饭Where do you wanna get takeout?
1696 01:14:15 妈妈 妈妈Mom? Mom?
1697 01:14:35 亲爱的 打包一个牙刷 Pack yourself a toothbrush dear
1698 01:14:39 打包一件最喜欢的衣服 Pack yourself a favorite blouse
1699 01:14:42 带上提款卡 Take a withdrawal slip
1700 01:14:46 取出所有的积蓄 Take all of your savings out
1701 01:14:49 因为如果我们不离开这个小镇 'Cause if we don't leave this town
1702 01:14:53 我们永远都不能想出解决办法 We might never make it out
1703 01:15:11 忘记布伦南神父所说 Forget what Father Brennan said
1704 01:15:15 我们不是生来即罪恶 We were not born in sin
1705 01:15:19 在床上留一张字条 Leave a note on your bed
1706 01:15:22 让你妈妈知道你很安全 Let your mother know you're safe
1707 01:15:26 等他醒来 And by the time she wakes
1708 01:15:29 我们已经驶出这个州 We'll have driven through the state
1709 01:15:33 我们彻夜前行 We'll have driven through the night
1710 01:15:36 宝贝 来吧 Baby come on
1711 01:15:38 嘿Hey.
1712 01:15:40 噢 嗨Oh, hello.
1713 01:15:43 再次感谢你邀请我来你的教堂Thank you again for inviting me to your church.
1714 01:15:47 我真没有邀请你I really didn't.
1715 01:15:49 睡觉如在天堂般安稳 Sleep in heavenly peace
1716 01:15:55 最近怎么样啊 妹子们What's up, bitches?
1717 01:15:56 哦 我的天 是伊希斯Oh, my gosh, it's Isis.
1718 01:15:58 伊希斯来了Isis is here.
1719 01:16:00 -嗨 伊希斯 -嘿- Hi, Isis. - Hey.
1720 01:16:03 哦 我必须得说Well, I must say, I didn't expect you
1721 01:16:04 我不认为你是会来教堂的那种人to be the church-going type.
1722 01:16:06 呃 我正在处理一些烦心事Well, I'm, I'm workin' out some shit.
1723 01:16:09 况且 酒吧全都关门了Plus, all the bars are closed.
1724 01:16:14 噢 是你们啊Oh, you guys.
1725 01:16:17 我今晚也得来教堂坐坐了I could really use some churchin' tonight.
1726 01:16:22 你知道我的意思You know what I mean?
1727 01:16:24 -不知道 -不知道- No. - Nope?
1728 01:16:26 呃 今天我女儿告诉我她需要更多的空间Well, today my daughter told me she needed "More space."
1729 01:16:30 我甚至不知道那是什么意思I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.
1730 01:16:32 好吧 呃 我女儿刚把我Yeah, well, my daughter just kicked me
1731 01:16:33 永远赶出了她的生活out of her life forever.
1732 01:16:36 为什么Why?
1733 01:16:38 因为我敦促她做到最好Because I push her to be the best
1734 01:16:39 她再也不能承受了and she can't handle it.
1735 01:16:41 我妈妈敦促我的时候比这还要严厉一倍Of course, my mother pushed me twice as hard
1736 01:16:43 而我也变得很优秀and I turned out amazing.
1737 01:16:45 但我想不是每个人都能像我这般坚强But I guess not everyone is as incredibly strong as I am.
1738 01:16:50 哦 我女儿可没有把我赶出家门Well, my daughter didn't kick me out of the house or anything.
1739 01:16:53 但你不会相信 当我告诉她我买了她家隔壁房子的时候But you would not believe how mad she got
1740 01:16:55 她有多么生气when I told her I bought the house next to hers.
1741 01:16:57 什么 你买了你女儿家隔壁的房子What? You bought the house next to your daughter?
1742 01:17:00 -是的 -你买之前问过她了吗- Yeah, I did. - Did you ask her first?
1743 01:17:03 没有 我想给她一个惊喜No, I wanted it to be a surprise.
1744 01:17:05 好吧 是有点过头了Yeah, that might be a bit much.
1745 01:17:07 伙计 那简直是疯了Dude, that is fucking psycho.
1746 01:17:10 啊 至少我爱我的女儿Well, at least I love my daughter.
1747 01:17:12 你只有在需要钱的时候才去看卡拉You only visit Carla when you need money.
1748 01:17:14 呃 不 那不是真的Uh, no, that is not true.
1749 01:17:15 我也会在其他时候去看她I visit her on other occasions
1750 01:17:17 比如躲避某个人的时候like when I'm hiding from someone.
1751 01:17:20 噢 承认吧 伊希斯Oh, just admit it, Isis.
1752 01:17:22 你就是个只上过三年级You're a degenerate gambler
1753 01:17:23 发型俗套with a third-grade education
1754 01:17:24 还嗜赌如命的赌徒and a cheap weave.
1755 01:17:26 那是我自己的头发 好吗This is my own hair, okay?
1756 01:17:28 而且你是个糟糕至极的妈妈And you're a terrible mother.
1757 01:17:29 -女士们 今天是耶稣的生日 -不 我是认真的- Ladies, it is Jesus' birthday. - No, I'm serious.
1758 01:17:33 你认为你自己很完美You think that you are so perfect.
1759 01:17:35 但是你是我们当中最糟糕的妈妈But you are the worst mom of all of us.
1760 01:17:37 -哦 我不明白 -好了 好了- Well, I don't know... - Okay, okay.
1761 01:17:39 不管怎么说 至少是第二糟糕的Second worst, whatever. But the point is
1762 01:17:41 重点是你是坏妈妈中的一个that you're one of those moms that you, you dress so perfectly
1763 01:17:45 你穿搭很完美 你举行梦幻的聚会 你知道如何烹调食物and you give fancy parties, and you know how to cook food.
1764 01:17:49 而且 你的牙齿完好And, and you have all your own teeth.
1765 01:17:51 但是 你知道吗 你糟透了But you know what? You suck.
1766 01:17:53 你在真正重要的事情上糟糕至极You suck at all the shit that really matters.
1767 01:17:55 就连我这样醉生梦死的人 都能看出这一点And I even can see it, and I'm stoned all the time.
1768 01:17:58 拜托 你对我并不了解Please, you don't know the first thing about me.
1769 01:17:59 哦 如果你真是那么完美的妈妈Well, if you're such an awesome mom
1770 01:18:01 那为什么你的女儿要永远why did your daughter kick you out
1771 01:18:02 把你赶出家门呢？of her life forever?
1772 01:18:03 而且是当面说In your face.
1773 01:18:05 而且你知道 我过去对我女儿做了很过分的事情And you know what, I have done horrible stuff
1774 01:18:06 真正过分的事情to my daughter, really horrible shit.
1775 01:18:08 但是她从来没有撵我走 从来没有And she has never kicked me out. Never.
1776 01:18:11 所以你最好接受这一点并且牢牢记住So you just take that and you roll it up real tight
1777 01:18:14 收起你的那些冠冕堂皇and you shove it up your ass.
1778 01:18:17 好吧Okay.
1779 01:18:19 我们今晚上都分享了一些情感故事啊We've all shared some very powerful feelings tonight.
1780 01:18:24 噢 闭嘴吧 珊迪Oh, shut the fuck up, Sandy.
1781 01:18:25 好吧You bet.
1782 01:18:43 -嘿 -嘿- Hey. - Hey.
1783 01:18:45 呃 我听说发生了什么Well, I heard what happened.
1784 01:18:48 嗯Hmm.
1785 01:18:51 你还好吗You doin' okay?
1786 01:18:55 我不知道I don't know.
1787 01:18:59 可以问你一些事吗Can I ask you something?
1788 01:19:00 当然Sure.
1789 01:19:02 你怎么看待这件事How do you take it?
1790 01:19:04 看待什么事？Take what?
1791 01:19:05 和妈妈一起生活Living with mom.
1792 01:19:07 我的意思是 她是如此专横I mean, s-s-she's so bossy
1793 01:19:08 充满控制欲…and controlling and...
1794 01:19:10 哦 我的天啊 她是那么自负Oh, my God, she's so vain.
1795 01:19:12 我的意思是 她用所有的时间I mean, she spends all her time
1796 01:19:14 打造她自己的完美模样you know, creating this, this perfect image of herself
1797 01:19:17 只有这样她才能在别人面前趾高气扬just so she can lord it over people.
1798 01:19:19 亲爱的 你妈妈不是自负Sweetie, your mom isn't vain.
1799 01:19:21 哦 拜托 她每月Oh, come on, she, she wears
1800 01:19:23 至少穿一次公主装a princess outfit at least once a month.
1801 01:19:26 你可能不会相信You're probably never gonna believe this.
1802 01:19:28 你妈妈是我见过的最没有安全感的人But your mom is the most insecure woman I've ever met.
1803 01:19:32 我妈妈？My mother?
1804 01:19:33 -露丝？ -是的- Ruth? - Yes.
1805 01:19:36 -雷德蒙 哈 -是的- Redmond? Huh. - Yes.
1806 01:19:39 除了我之外她不会在任何人面前表现出来She never shows anyone except for me.
1807 01:19:40 但是在她坚强的外表下仍是一个会担惊受怕的小女孩But beneath that tough exterior is a scared little girl
1808 01:19:45 她的妈妈从来不曾真正爱过她whose mom never really loved her.
1809 01:19:46 哦 得了吧 爸爸Oh, come on, dad.
1810 01:19:48 你知道她的妈妈You know her mother.
1811 01:19:50 你妈妈做的任何事Nothing your mom does
1812 01:19:51 对你外婆来说都不够好is ever good enough for that woman.
1813 01:19:53 她让你妈妈一生中的每一天She makes your mom feel worthless
1814 01:19:55 都感觉自己微不足道every single day of her life.
1815 01:19:57 那就是为什么将每件事都做得完美So that's why it's so important to your mom
1816 01:19:59 对你妈妈至关重要to make everything perfect.
1817 01:20:01 并不是因为她自负It's not because she's vain.
1818 01:20:03 而是 你明白的 是因为It's, it's, it's... You know, it's because
1819 01:20:05 当有人告诉她她的圣诞树是整个街区里最好的的时候when someone tells her she's got the most amazing
1820 01:20:07 那让她有一瞬间觉得Christmas tree on the block, it makes her feel just for a second
1821 01:20:10 自己不是那么毫无价值like she's not worthless.
1822 01:20:12 就仿佛她真的擅长某些事Like she's, she's actually good at something.
1823 01:20:15 仿佛她是被爱着的Like she's, like she's loved.
1824 01:20:17 那为什么她又要这么对我呢Why does she take it out on me then?
1825 01:20:19 因为你知道是什么最让她缺乏安全感吗？Because you know what she's most insecure about?
1826 01:20:22 啊…Mm...
1827 01:20:23 做一个妈妈Bein' a mom.
1828 01:20:28 我不知道她跟我说了多少次I-I can't tell you the number of times she said to me...
1829 01:20:31 在抚养艾米方面我做得够好吗"Did I do a good job raising Amy?
1830 01:20:34 我是一个好妈妈吗 我又搞糟了所有的事吗Am I good mother? Did I screw everything up?"
1831 01:20:38 她真的那样问了吗She really asked that?
1832 01:20:39 亲爱的 她爱你Sweetheart, she loves you
1833 01:20:41 胜过一切more than anything in the world.
1834 01:20:42 她只是用了最糟糕的She's just got a...
1835 01:20:45 方法去表现这一点a deeply fucked up way of showing it.
1836 01:20:47 那倒是Yeah.
1837 01:20:49 你看 我和你妈妈已经结婚36年了Look, I've been married to your mother for 36 years.
1838 01:20:52 嗯Hm.
1839 01:20:53 她总是不讨人喜欢And she is a pain in the ass even on a good day.
1840 01:20:56 但是你知道吗But you know what?
1841 01:20:58 比起我们结婚的时候我现在更加爱她I love her more now than I did the day we got married.
1842 01:21:01 因为我了解真正的她Because I know the real her.
1843 01:21:04 而且如果你能够在心底里原谅她And if you can find it in your heart to forgive her
1844 01:21:08 像我一样去了解她and get to know her like I know her...
1845 01:21:10 你可能会发现you might just find that there is a funny
1846 01:21:15 她骨子里是一个有趣的 可爱的 漂亮的人sweet, beautiful person hiding inside there.
1847 01:21:20 你刚说了“可爱”Did you say "Sweet?"
1848 01:21:22 好吧 她是一个有趣的 漂亮的人Okay, a funny, beautiful person hiding in there.
1849 01:21:29 好吧Yeah.
1850 01:21:32 好吧Yeah.
1851 01:21:35 你知道她在哪吗You know where she is?
1852 01:21:37 今天是平安夜It's Christmas Eve.
1853 01:21:58 四周山岭发回声 And the mountains in reply
1854 01:22:03 响应天使欢乐音 Echoing their joyous strains
1855 01:22:06 荣耀 Glo-o-o-ria
1856 01:22:14 抱歉 借过Excuse me, I'm so sorry.
1857 01:22:15 归于神 In excelsis Deo
1858 01:22:18 荣耀 Gl-o-o-oria
1859 01:22:21 嘿 妈妈Hey, mom.
1860 01:22:23 嗨Hi.
1861 01:22:26 -嗨 -嗨 我是珊迪- Hi. - Hi, I'm Sandy.
1862 01:22:28 -我是琪琪的妈妈 -嗯 我知道- I'm Kiki's mom. - Yes, I know.
1863 01:22:30 -很高兴再次见到你 -你过得怎么样- Nice to see you again. - How you doin'?
1864 01:22:32 嘿 哇 看看吧Hey, wow, look at that.
1865 01:22:33 你们都在这里 好吧All of you are here. Okay.
1866 01:22:36 艾米 你在这里做什么And what are you doing here, Amy?
1867 01:22:38 我 呃I, um...
1868 01:22:40 我其实是来为I actually came to apologize
1869 01:22:42 我把你赶出家门道歉的for kicking you out of the house.
1870 01:22:46 你是我的妈妈 那有点残酷You're my mom, and that was a little harsh.
1871 01:22:49 说的不假It certainly was.
1872 01:22:52 是的Yeah.
1873 01:22:54 好吧Okay.
1874 01:22:56 嘿 疯女人Hey, psycho bitch
1875 01:22:57 你女儿刚刚给你道歉了your daughter just apologized to you.
1876 01:22:58 你现在应该对她说 对不起You're now supposed to say "I'm sorry" to her.
1877 01:23:01 那就是人类之间的交流方式That's the way human beings talk to each other.
1878 01:23:03 是的Yeah.
1879 01:23:09 我基本上也很抱歉I'm also basically sorry.
1880 01:23:15 好 很好 这就好Okay, good. That was good.
1881 01:23:17 现在 告诉她你哪里抱歉了Now, tell her what you're sorry for.
1882 01:23:21 你可以的You got this.
1883 01:23:26 很可能是我不应该It is possible that I should not
1884 01:23:27 直接在你家举行秘密的圣诞聚会have thrown a secret Christmas party at your house.
1885 01:23:31 很显然 你也在这个圣诞节Obviously, you made an incredible number
1886 01:23:33 做了很多不好的决定of bad decisions this Christmas as well.
1887 01:23:36 但是 因为一小部分责任还是在我But... for the tiny fraction of blame that falls on me
1888 01:23:42 所以我 我 真诚地道歉I am... I am generally... apologetic.
1889 01:23:50 好吧Okay.
1890 01:23:51 谢谢你Thank you.
1891 01:23:53 妈妈 我知道开这个口Mom, I know that that was
1892 01:23:55 对你来说真的很难really, really hard for you to say.
1893 01:23:57 事实上真的是很难I-it actually really was.
1894 01:24:02 呃 你知道吗And, um... you know what?
1895 01:24:05 我只是 我想让你知道 我最终明白I just, I want you to know that I finally
1896 01:24:07 为什么你会这样了understand why you're like this.
1897 01:24:11 而且我想让你知道 我爱你And I need you to know... that I love you.
1898 01:24:19 那是什么意思What's that supposed to mean?
1899 01:24:24 我认为你不是一无是处I don't think that you're worthless.
1900 01:24:29 我认为你是真的很棒I think you're fucking amazing.
1901 01:24:31 你为什么要说这个Why are you saying this?
1902 01:24:33 而且不管别人说什么And no matter what anyone says...
1903 01:24:37 我都认为你是一个伟大的妈妈I think you're a great mom.
1904 01:24:43 真的吗Really?
1905 01:24:44 是的Yeah.
1906 01:24:47 我喜欢我的童年Yeah, I loved my childhood.
1907 01:24:50 是真的 你给了我所有我需要的I did. You gave me everything that I needed.
1908 01:24:54 而且你总是敦促我做得更好And you always pushed me to do better.
1909 01:24:59 你现在完美了吗And were you perfect?
1910 01:25:01 -是的 -不是- Yes. - No.
1911 01:25:04 但是我们都不是But none of us are.
1912 01:25:08 所以 我只是So, I just...
1913 01:25:10 我真的想让你知道 你做得很棒I really want you to know... that you did great.
1914 01:25:18 这是所有人中对我说过的最好的话了That's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me.
1915 01:25:22 我是说 我…I mean, I...
1916 01:25:24 我真的认为你是一个极好的妈妈I actually think that you're a really wonderful mom.
1917 01:25:27 我是说 你的孩子是那么幸福I mean, your kids are so happy.
1918 01:25:29 他们那么可爱而且那么爱你They're so sweet and they love you so much.
1919 01:25:35 -谢谢你 -我的意思是- Thank you. - I mean, I wish...
1920 01:25:40 我希望我和你能像你和你的孩子一样亲近I wish I was as close to you as you are to your kids.
1921 01:25:46 妈妈 我们可以的We still can, mom.
1922 01:25:52 喔 艾米 我真的不擅长这点Wow, I'm just not very good at this, Amy.
1923 01:25:55 但我真的很爱你But I just love you so much.
1924 01:25:58 我真的非常爱你I love you so much. I do.
1925 01:26:06 -天啊 -噢 我的天- God. - Oh, my God.
1926 01:26:08 你们简直像坐云霄飞车You're a train wreck.
1927 01:26:10 呃 妈妈和女儿的关系Well, it's a very complicated
1928 01:26:13 真的 是太复杂了relationship between a mother and a daughter.
1929 01:26:15 但是这两个But these two...
1930 01:26:18 她们已经和好了They've got it together.
1931 01:26:19 -我知道 我懂 宝贝 -终于- I know. I know, babe. - Finally.
1932 01:26:20 好吧 好吧 给你Yeah. Okay. Here.
1933 01:26:22 -你要一些这个吗 -好的- Do you want some this? - Yes.
1934 01:26:25 没事的 没事的It's okay. It's okay.
1935 01:26:27 好吧It's okay.
1936 01:26:28 妈妈 好了吗Okay, mom?
1937 01:26:31 妈妈 已经午夜了Mom, is it midnight already?
1938 01:26:33 呃 好吧Well, yeah.
1939 01:26:35 我们得拯救圣诞节啊We gotta save Christmas.
1940 01:26:37 哦 我的天 我为了这个可是等了一辈子啊Oh, my God. I've been waiting my whole life for this.
1941 01:26:42 奔驰过雪地 Dashing through the snow
1942 01:26:44 一匹马拉的无蓬雪橇 In a one-horse open sleigh
1943 01:26:48 我们越过田野 O'er the fields we go
1944 01:26:50 一路笑语不断一路笑语不断 - Laughing all the way - Laughing all the way
1945 01:26:53 铃儿在短尾巴上叮当响 Bells on bobtails ring
1946 01:26:55 使我们的精神愉快 Making spirits bright
1947 01:26:58 今晚歌唱多欢畅 What fun it is to laugh and sing
1948 01:27:01 今晚驾车唱歌多畅快 A sleighing song tonight
1949 01:27:03 铃儿响叮当 Whoa jingle bells jingle bells
1950 01:27:06 一路响叮当 响叮当 - Jingle all the way - Jingle jingle
1951 01:27:09 噢 驾车多欢畅 Oh what fun it is to ride
1952 01:27:12 在一匹马拉的无蓬雪橇中 In a one-horse open sleigh
1953 01:27:14 嘿 铃儿响叮当 铃儿响叮当 Hey jingle bells jingle bells
1954 01:27:17 一路响叮当 响叮当 - Jingle all the way - Jingle jingle
1955 01:27:20 噢 驾车多欢畅 Oh what fun it is to ride
1956 01:27:23 在一匹马拉的无蓬雪橇中 In a one-horse open sleigh
1957 01:27:31 圣诞节
1958 01:27:43 噢 我的天 简直太棒了Oh, my God! This is amazing.
1959 01:27:47 大家圣诞快乐Merry Christmas, guys.
1960 01:27:49 妈妈 你真的做了很多工作Mom, you really did a lot of work.
1961 01:27:52 有人帮我忙啊I had a little help.
1962 01:27:55 圣诞快乐 孩子们Merry Christmas, children.
1963 01:27:57 外婆Grandma.
1964 01:27:59 噢 快去拆礼物吧Oh! Go open your presents.
1965 01:28:02 我给你买了第一季到第六季的《行尸走肉》I got you seasons one through six of "The Walking Dead."
1966 01:28:05 -噢 我的天啊 妈妈 是真的吗 -谢谢外婆- Oh, good Lord. Really, mom? - Thanks, grandma.
1967 01:28:07 我去开门I'll get it.
1968 01:28:09 哦 我的天啊Oh, my God.
1969 01:28:12 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas!
1970 01:28:14 洛丽 亲爱的 圣诞快乐Lori, Merry Christmas, honey.
1971 01:28:17 -圣诞快乐 露丝 -圣诞快乐 耶稣- Merry Christmas, Ruth. - Merry Christmas, Jesus.
1972 01:28:20 噢 是杰西Uh, it's, it's Jessie.
1973 01:28:22 哇 你的肩膀真宽Wow, you have really broad shoulders.
1974 01:28:24 艾米 感受一下他的肩膀Amy, feel his shoulders.
1975 01:28:26 哦 好吧 好吧 妈妈Oh, here we go. Okay, mother.
1976 01:28:27 谢谢你 来吧Thank you. Get in.
1977 01:28:29 哦 谢谢你基本上记住了他的名字Oh, thanks for almost learning his name.
1978 01:28:32 我爱你 女儿I love you, girl.
1979 01:28:38 圣诞快乐 琪琪Merry Christmas, Kiki.
1980 01:28:40 妈妈 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas, mom.
1981 01:28:42 你喜欢我做的琪琪头像睡衣裤吗Do you like my Kiki-head pajamas?
1982 01:28:47 -喜欢吧 -谢谢你- Sort of. - Thank you.
1983 01:28:50 我只是想让你知道I just wanted to let you know
1984 01:28:51 我将隔壁的房子that I have put the house
1985 01:28:52 拿出去卖了next door on the market.
1986 01:28:55 -谢谢你 -不客气- Thank you. - You're welcome.
1987 01:28:56 我真的很感激I really appreciate that.
1988 01:28:58 我知道我有时候有点疯狂I know I can be a little psycho sometimes.
1989 01:29:00 我也知道你需要自己的空间And I know you need your space.
1990 01:29:02 这就是为什么我买了对街的房子Which is why I bought the house across the street.
1991 01:29:06 我是开玩笑的 我没有买街对面的房子No, I'm kidding. I didn't buy the house across the street.
1992 01:29:09 我买了街道下面的房子I bought the house down the street.
1993 01:29:10 -什么 -没有- What? - No.
1994 01:29:12 我要搬到你的阁楼里I'm gonna move into your attic.
1995 01:29:13 -妈妈 严肃点 -琪琪 怎么了嘛- Mom! Seriously. - Kiki, what?
1996 01:29:15 你住在哪Where are you living?
1997 01:29:17 我要回到我该去的地方 俾斯麦I'm gonna go back to Bismarck where I belong.
1998 01:29:21 -谢谢 -不客气- Thank you. - You're welcome.
1999 01:29:23 我只是I just...
2000 01:29:26 圣诞节的时候我真的很想你爸爸I really miss your dad on Christmas.
2001 01:29:30 我也是I do too.
2002 01:29:32 是吧Yeah.
2003 01:29:35 我也想I do too.
2004 01:29:37 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas.
2005 01:29:39 妈妈 圣诞快乐Merry Christmas, mom.
2006 01:29:52 嘿 妈妈 看圣诞老人给我送了什么Hey, mom, look what Santa got me.
2007 01:29:54 一个用过的棒球手套A used baseball glove.
2008 01:29:56 哦 那很棒 孩子Oh, that's great, buddy.
2009 01:29:57 我以前也有一个和它很像I used to have one just like it.
2010 01:30:02 那是圣诞老人吗？Is that Santa?
2011 01:30:05 亲爱的 那怎么会是圣诞老人呢Why would it be Santa, honey?
2012 01:30:06 记住 圣诞老人昨晚上来过了Remember, Santa came last night.
2013 01:30:13 我能进来吗Can I come in?
2014 01:30:24 呃Hm.
2015 01:30:26 呃 好吧 我知道Um, alright, I know I haven't
2016 01:30:30 我不是世界上最好的妈妈been the best mother in the world.
2017 01:30:35 但是你不知怎么地变得真的很棒
2018 01:30:42 呃 卡拉 我只是Um, and, Carla, I just...
2019 01:30:47 我想更像你I wanna be more like you.
2020 01:30:51 所以 我已经放弃赌博了So, I've given up gambling...
2021 01:30:55 -妈妈 -赌马- Mom. - On horses.
2022 01:30:58 而且我会一分一毫地将我从你那里借的钱都还给你And I'm gonna pay you back every cent that I borrowed from you.
2023 01:31:09 -真的吗 -是的- Really? - Yeah.
2024 01:31:11 你知道 我有一份工作了You know, I got a fucking job.
2025 01:31:15 -你在开玩笑吗 -没有- Are you fucking kidding me? - No!
2026 01:31:17 他们雇用我负责孩子们的安全They hired me to be in charge of children's safety.
2027 01:31:21 为什么他们要让你做那个Why would they let you do that?
2028 01:31:25 我甚至不知道我怎么通过药检的I don't even know how I passed the drug test.
2029 01:31:27 -真的吗 -他们简直太疯狂了- Seriously? - They're crazy.
2030 01:31:30 他们会因为这个付给我薪水 我想我能够在And with what they're paying me, I think I can pay you back
2031 01:31:33 245年后还清你的钱in about 245 years.
2032 01:31:36 等等 那就意味着你要在这边Wait, does this mean you're gonna... stick around
2033 01:31:40 停留一段时间了for a while?
2034 01:31:43 如果你觉得可以的话 是的If it's cool with you, yeah.
2035 01:31:48 妈妈Mom.
2036 01:31:50 这就是我想要的It's all I've ever wanted.
2037 01:31:52 好吧 你要我呆多久我就呆多久Well, I'll stay as long as you want me to.
2038 01:31:57 妈妈Mom.
2039 01:32:01 妈妈 我还收到了一盒保鲜袋Mom, also I got a box of Ziploc bags.
2040 01:32:04 哦 亲爱的耶稣Oh, sweet Jesus.
2041 01:32:08 哦 太好了 Oh yeah
2042 01:32:10 蜡烛缓缓燃烧 Candles burnin' low
2043 01:32:13 棚寄生漫布 Lots of mistletoe
2044 01:32:16 我们所到之处 Lots of snow and ice
2045 01:32:18 冰雪漫天 Everywhere we go
2046 01:32:21 唱诗班高唱颂歌 Choir singing carols
2047 01:32:24 -大家的烧饼来啦 -除了我以外的所有人- Shaobing for everybody. - Bing with everybody but me.
2048 01:32:27 所有这些和那些 All these things and more
2049 01:32:30 天啦 圣诞节吃中餐God, Chinese food on Christmas.
2050 01:32:33 我感觉自己是个犹太人I feel like such a Jew.
2051 01:32:35 你要来一些烧饼吗Would you like some shaobing?
2052 01:32:37 哦 你知道我要的Oh, you know I would.
2053 01:32:38 不 亲爱的 那是露丝的老公No, honey, that is Ruth's husband.
2054 01:32:40 哦 老实说 没关系Oh, honestly, have at it.
2055 01:32:42 汉克也应该在圣诞节得到欢乐Hank deserves a little fun at Christmas.
2056 01:32:44 哦Oh.
2057 01:32:47 我喜欢这个I love this.
2058 01:32:49 伙伴们 我不敢相信我们在圣诞节吃中餐Guys, I can't believe that we're eating Chinese food
2059 01:32:51 而且我妈妈还很喜欢for Christmas dinner and my mother is loving it.
2060 01:32:55 我不敢相信我妈妈穿着这样的运动衫I can't believe my mom's not wearing a sweatshirt.
2061 01:32:56 -没有印着我的照片 -伙伴们 我们成功了- With my face on it. - Guys, we did it.
2062 01:33:00 我们今年真的过了一个圆满的圣诞节We actually took Christmas back this year.
2063 01:33:03 你们知道吗 没有你们我真的做不到You know what? I couldn't have done it without you girls.
2064 01:33:05 -噢 -姑娘们 我爱你们- Oh! - Ladies, I love you.
2065 01:33:07 -我们也爱你 -我们也是- We love you back. - Same here.
2066 01:33:10 嗨 呃Hi, is, um...
2067 01:33:13 -卡拉在吗 -在- Is Carla here? - Yes!
2068 01:33:18 泰•史温德尔Ty Swindle.
2069 01:33:20 你怎么找到我的How did you find me?
2070 01:33:22 -我就是找到了你 -嗨- I just looked for you. - Hi.
2071 01:33:27 哦 我现在有很多事情想要给你说Well, there are so many things I wanna say to you right now.
2072 01:33:29 那就说吧Just say it.
2073 01:33:32 我感觉如果我用舞蹈来表达I feel like it's better if I, I do it through
2074 01:33:33 会更好一些the universal language of dance.
2075 01:33:35 -不是吧 -是的- Shut up. - Yes!
2076 01:33:37 -什么舞蹈 -圣诞舞蹈- What dancing? - Christmas dancing.
2077 01:33:49 哦 泰Oh, Ty!
2078 01:33:50 我感觉 Well I'm feeling
2079 01:33:51 你们都太好了Mighty fine y'all
2080 01:33:53 录音机里在播放我的音乐 Got my music on the radio
2081 01:33:57 -哦 天啊 -哦 我的天- Oh, boy. - Oh, my God.
2082 01:33:59 我感觉上帝太好了 Well I'm feeling mighty nice Lord
2083 01:34:03 录音机里在播放我的音乐 Got my music on the radio
2084 01:34:08 真的太美妙了 泰That's beautiful, Ty.
2085 01:34:09 宝贝 我想站在圣诞树下和你亲吻 Feel like I wanna kiss you baby
2086 01:34:12 站在在槲寄生树下 Standin' underneath that mistletoe
2087 01:34:17 哦 我的天Oh, my fucking God.
2088 01:34:19 将她转过来 将她转过来Turn her around. Turn her around.
2089 01:34:22 没关系的 把她转过来就好It's okay, just turn her around.
2090 01:34:24 将所有的好的礼物都留给我的宝贝 Maybe left all them good presents for my baby
2091 01:34:27 然后说 宝贝 圣诞快乐 I said Merry Christmas baby
2092 01:34:31 你对我如此之好 Surely you treat me nice
2093 01:34:34 你对我如此之好 You surely treat me nice
2094 01:34:36 好吧 好吧 那已经可以了Okay, alright, that's great.
2095 01:34:40 好吧 我们看够了 那很不错Okay, we're done. That was amazing.
2096 01:34:42 非常感谢你Thank you so much.
2097 01:34:44 哥们 快去争取吧Just go for it, dude.
2098 01:34:45 哦 宝贝 别哭Oh, baby, don't cry.
2099 01:34:48 唷 他太性感了Phew! He's so hot.
2100 01:34:51 -那是我的儿子 -是吗- That's my son. - Yeah?
2101 01:34:53 -嘿 你好 -这里- Hey, man. - Right there.
2102 01:34:54 -那是贾克森 -嘿 你好吗- That's Jaxon. - Hey, there. How are you?
2103 01:34:57 -很高兴认识你 -呃- Nice to meet you. - Mm-hmm.
2104 01:34:59 -我马上带你进去 -我爱你- I'll take you right in there. - I love you.
2105 01:35:00 我爱你I love you.
2106 01:35:02 -欧 -哎哟- Phew! - Whoo!
2107 01:35:04 哦 我们最好马上出发 不然会错过航班的Oh, we better get going or we're gonna miss our flight.
2108 01:35:07 -什么航班 -噢 我没告诉你吗- What flight? - Oh, I didn't tell you?
2109 01:35:10 伊希斯、露丝和我准备去拉斯维加斯过新年Isis, Ruth and I are going to Las Vegas for New Year's.
2110 01:35:13 我们要在韦恩·牛顿死之前去看一下他And we're gonna see Wayne Newton before he dies.
2111 01:35:16 哎哟Whoo!
2112 01:35:18 你们三个要一起去拉斯维加斯？The three of you are going to Vegas together?
2113 01:35:20 是的 呃 我们现在是好朋友了Yeah, well, we're best friends now.
2114 01:35:23 呃 我们 是新朋友Well, we're, we're new friends.
2115 01:35:25 我们是最好的朋友We're best friends.
2116 01:35:27 好吧 我们是新朋友Yeah, we're new friends.
2117 01:35:30 不管怎样 祝大家圣诞快乐Anyways, Merry Christmas, everyone.
2118 01:35:33 -圣诞快乐 -大家圣诞快乐- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, everyone.
2119 01:35:35 汉克 拿上我们的行李Hank, get all our bags.
2120 01:35:38 我做我想做 她确实如此 - I do what I want - She does
2121 01:35:40 说你想说 Say what you say
2122 01:35:42 我每天辛勤工作 I work real hard everyday
2123 01:35:45 我就是女人 I'm a motherfucking woman
2124 01:35:47 宝贝 没关系的 Baby alright
2125 01:35:49 我不需要男人 I don't need a man
2126 01:35:51 将我紧紧束缚 To be holding me too tight
2127 01:35:53 我就是女人 I'm a motherfucking woman
2128 01:35:55 宝贝 那是对的 Baby that's right
2129 01:35:58 今晚我就要和我的姐妹狂欢 I'm just having fun with my ladies here tonight
2130 01:36:01 我就是混蛋 I'm a motherfucker
2131 01:36:11 大家圣诞快乐Merry Christmas, everyone!
2132 01:36:15 圣诞节
2133 01:36:18 嚏嗜嗜 姑娘 Ho ho ho girl
2134 01:36:21 你在我的淘气鬼名单上 You're on my naughty list
2135 01:36:23 今晚 Tonight
2136 01:36:27 嚏哦噢 Ho whoa-oh
2137 01:36:31 耶耶 Yeah yeah
2138 01:36:34 嚏哦噢 Oh whoa-oh
2139 01:36:37 你知道我要告诉你 You know I got to tell you girl
2140 01:36:38 你很特别 You're something special
2141 01:36:40 我觉得宝贝我必须 The way I feel babe
2142 01:36:41 拥有你 Gotta have you
2143 01:36:43 和我在一起吧 Right here with me
2144 01:36:44 我永远不会让你走 I will never let you go
2145 01:36:46 嘿 Hey
2146 01:36:48 你用时光拴住了我 You stuck with me through the times
2147 01:36:49 我不能控制 I didn't have it
2148 01:36:51 如今我们变得更好 Now we got something good
2149 01:36:52 你可以掌握信用卡 You can have the plastic
2150 01:36:54 其他任何你想要的都可以拥有 And anything you want you can have it
2151 01:36:56 我想成为你的圣诞老人 I wanna be your Santa Claus
2152 01:36:59 你总是辛勤工作 You're always working hard girl
2153 01:37:02 今晚我们即将启程 Tonight we're taking off girl
2154 01:37:04 我想成为你的圣诞老人 想要成为你的圣诞老人 - I wanna be your Santa Claus - Wanna be your Santa Claus
2155 01:37:07 让我成为你的圣诞老人 让我成为你的圣诞老人- Let me be your Santa Claus - Let me be your Santa Claus
2156 01:37:10 我想成为今晚你打开的第一个礼物 I wanna be the first gift you open tonight
2157 01:37:15 我想成为你的圣诞老人 想要成为你的圣诞老人 - I wanna be your Santa Claus - Wanna be your Santa Claus
2158 01:37:18 让我成为你的圣诞老人 让我成为你的圣诞老人- Let me be your Santa Claus - Let me be your Santa Claus
2159 01:37:21 我想成为你今晚回家的理由 I wanna be the reason that you come home tonight
2160 01:37:24 宝贝 今晚如此美好 Feel so good tonight baby
2161 01:37:28 宝贝 和我共度美好时光 Baby take your time with me
2162 01:37:30 我是你的礼物请慢慢打开 I'm your gift unwrap me slowly
2163 01:37:34 壁炉在最佳的时间燃起 The fireplace is burnin' perfect time to...
2164 01:37:36 姑娘 我有特别的东西要给你 Girl I got something special for you
2165 01:37:40 我要成为 Girl I gotta be
2166 01:37:42 噢 Oh
2167 01:37:45 我不想圣诞节没有你 I don't wanna spend this Christmas
2168 01:37:47 让我成为 Without you letting me feel
2169 01:37:49 嘿 Hey
2170 01:37:51 你的圣诞老人 宝贝 Your Santa baby
2171 01:37:52 圣诞老人 宝贝 Santa baby
2172 01:37:56 今晚 Tonight tonight
2173 01:37:58 我想成为你的圣诞老人 想要成为你的圣诞老人 - I wanna be your Santa Claus - Wanna be your Santa Claus
2174 01:38:02 让我成为你的圣诞老人 让我成为你的圣诞老人- Let me be your Santa Claus - Let me be your Santa Claus
2175 01:38:04 我想成为你今晚回家的理由 I wanna be the reason that you come home tonight
2176 01:38:08 今晚回家 Come home tonight
2177 01:38:10 我想成为你的圣诞老人 想要成为你的圣诞老人 - I wanna be your Santa Claus - Wanna be your Santa Claus
2178 01:38:13 让我成为你的圣诞老人 让我成为你的圣诞老人- Let me be your Santa Claus - Let me be your Santa Claus
2179 01:38:15 我想成为今晚你打开的第一个礼物 I wanna be the first gift you open tonight
2180 01:38:21 我想成为 我想成为 - I wanna be - I wanna be
2181 01:38:23 我想成为你的圣诞老人 I wanna be your Santa Claus
2182 01:38:25 要成为你的圣诞老人 Gotta gotta be gotta gotta be your Santa Claus
2183 01:38:28 今晚让我成为你的圣诞老人 Let me be your Santa Claus
2184 01:38:30 Tonight
2185 01:38:34 宝贝 圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas baby
2186 01:38:37 我整理头发 我修剪指甲 I do my hair toss check my nails
2187 01:38:40 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin' - Feeling good as hell
2188 01:38:43 整理头发 我修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2189 01:38:45 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2190 01:38:48 感觉好如地狱 Feeling good as hell
2191 01:38:50 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2192 01:38:53 哦 姑娘 你要踢掉你的鞋子 Whoo girl need to kick off your shoes
2193 01:38:55 深呼吸专注于你自己 Got to take a deep breath time to focus on you
2194 01:38:57 所有你经历的无尽长夜 All the big fights long nights that you been through
2195 01:39:00 我会为你留一杯龙舌兰 I got a bottle of tequila I been saving for you
2196 01:39:03 推翻老板然后改变人生 Boss up and change your life
2197 01:39:04 你可以不费吹灰之力 You can have it all no sacrifice
2198 01:39:07 我知道他对你不好 我们可以纠正这个 I know he did you wrong we can make it right
2199 01:39:09 离开吧 今夜让一切结束吧 So go and let it all hang out tonight
2200 01:39:12 因为他已不再爱你 'Cause he don't love you anymore
2201 01:39:17 所有掉头离开 So walk your fine ass out the door
2202 01:39:22 整理头发 修剪指甲 And do your hair toss check my nails
2203 01:39:25 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2204 01:39:28 整理头发 我修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2205 01:39:30 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2206 01:39:33 整理头发 修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2207 01:39:35 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2208 01:39:37 整理头发 修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2209 01:39:40 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2210 01:39:45 喔 Ooh
2211 01:39:46 耶 Yeah
2212 01:39:48 好吧 Alright
2213 01:39:51 聆听 Listen
2214 01:39:52 如果他已不再爱你 If he don't love you anymore
2215 01:39:57 那就掉头离开 Then walk your fine ass out the door
2216 01:40:04 然后整理头发 修剪指甲 And do your hair toss check my nails
2217 01:40:08 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2218 01:40:10 整理头发 修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2219 01:40:13 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2220 01:40:15 整理头发 修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2221 01:40:18 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2222 01:40:20 整理头发 修剪指甲 Hair toss check my nails
2223 01:40:22 宝贝 你感觉如何 感觉不错 - Baby how you feelin'? - Feeling good as hell
2224 01:40:26 感觉不错 宝贝 你感觉如何 - Feeling good as hell - Baby how you feelin'?
2225 01:40:29 感觉不错 Feeling good as hell