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1 00:00:56 我他妈不知道这个国家是怎么了I don't know what the fuck is going on in this country, man!
2 00:00:59 每天我打开电视Every day I turn on the TV,
3 00:01:02 就看见那些该死的怪胎在游行争取权力and I see these fucking freaks marching for their rights!
4 00:01:07 那我们的权利怎么办What about our rights?
5 00:01:11 是时候让世界看看This is our time to show the world
6 00:01:13 我们不只是局限于网络的运动了that we are not just an online movement!
7 00:01:17 我们日益壮大We're growing physically!
8 00:01:18 是时候宣布我们才是真正的美国之声了This is our time to assert ourselves as the true voice of America!
9 00:01:23 对Yeah!
10 00:01:25 对 行动起来Yes, let's do that!
11 00:01:27 你们也许注意到了Now, you may have noticed
12 00:01:29 雅利安人+流行歌手爱莉安娜·格兰德
13 00:01:29 我们的朋友雅利安·格兰德that our friend Aryan Grande
14 00:01:31 招纳了一名新成员has brought in a new recruit.
15 00:01:33 犹太人去死82 欢迎你 兄弟FucktheJews82. Welcome, brother!
16 00:01:36 欢迎Yeah!
17 00:01:39 各位好 万岁 各位好Hi. Heil. Heil, everybody.
18 00:01:41 白人权利 很明显White power. Obviously.
19 00:01:43 我一直是你们的忠实粉丝Been a big fan of you guys for a while.
20 00:01:46 基本上从二战后就开始了Since World War II, really.
21 00:01:47 那时候你们就华丽登场了That's when you made your big entrance, on the scene.
22 00:01:51 该说的都说了 最后一句And, Yeah. Just, in closing...
23 00:01:56 犹太人去死 对Fuck the Jews! Yeah!
24 00:01:58 欢迎Welcome!
25 00:02:02 大家狂欢吧Let's fucking party!
26 00:02:05 白人荣耀
27 00:02:13 你们在社交媒体上挺活跃的 是吗So you guys are, like, pretty active on social media, right?
28 00:02:16 对Yeah.
29 00:02:17 你们大概每天平均要发几条推特How many times a day would you say you tweet on average?
30 00:02:19 犹太人去死Hey, FTJ!
31 00:02:21 你说过你想要个卍字符文身的You said you wanted a swastika tattoo.
32 00:02:24 现在你的机会来了Now's your chance.
33 00:02:26 我考虑了一下 还是算了吧Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about it. I'm cool.
34 00:02:29 拜托 兄弟 我们都文了Come on, man. We all got 'em!
35 00:02:38 你们想让我文个卍字符吗You guys want me to get a swastika tattoo?
36 00:02:40 对啊Yeah!
37 00:02:42 那我就去文一个卍字符I will get a swastika tattoo.
38 00:02:46 行Yeah.
39 00:02:49 交给你了 我去撒尿Take over, man. I got to take a piss.
40 00:02:53 太酷了 兄弟们 谢谢你们Super cool, guys. Thank you for this.
41 00:02:55 太激动人心了This is really exciting.
42 00:02:57 好吧 开始了All right, here we go!
43 00:03:01 行 好Right! Yeah!
44 00:03:04 疼吗That hurt?
45 00:03:05 各种意义上来说都很疼On many levels. Yes.
46 00:03:09 操Fuck!
47 00:03:12 这是你吗This you?
48 00:03:13 布鲁克林鼓动报
49 00:03:14 你是记者You're a journalist?
50 00:03:16 是啊Yeah!
51 00:03:18 这年头我们都得去当记者We all got to be fucking journalists in this day and age,
52 00:03:20 主流媒体又不报道我们的故事mainstream media not covering our side of the story!
53 00:03:23 他叫弗雷德·弗拉斯基His name is Fred Flarsky.
54 00:03:25 他给《布鲁克林鼓动报》供稿He writes for the Brooklyn Advocate.
55 00:03:27 他是该死的犹太人 什么He's a fucking Jew! What?
56 00:03:30 听着听着听着 行行行Look, look, look. Okay, okay, okay.
57 00:03:35 你来干什么What are you doing here?
58 00:03:35 你是来让我们难堪的吗You're here to fucking embarrass us, huh?
59 00:03:37 谁派你来的 没人派我来Who sent you? No one sent me!
60 00:03:39 没事 我 我It's okay. I'm... I'm...
61 00:03:41 他一直在给我们录音He's been recording us the whole time!
62 00:03:43 操你妈 你潜入了我们的组织Fucking shit, man! You infiltrated our group!
63 00:03:46 我他妈弄死你You're gonna fucking die!
64 00:03:48 这玩意怎么关How do you turn this thing off?
65 00:03:49 红色按钮 就在这The fucking red button, right there, man!
66 00:03:57 我去Holy shit!
67 00:04:06 成功了Yeah!
68 00:04:09 我不仅逃出来了Not only did I escape...
69 00:04:13 还保住了我的手机I held onto my phone!
70 00:04:15 太棒了Yes!
71 00:04:19 我那么信任你I trusted you, man!
72 00:04:21 是啊Yeah, well...
73 00:04:23 这局犹太人赢了 傻逼Jews win this round, motherfucker!
74 00:04:26 告辞Peace!
75 00:04:29 今晚的《温布利新闻》Tonight on Wembley News,
76 00:04:30 温布利新闻特别报道
77 00:04:30 将对夏洛特·菲尔德进行深度报道we take an indepth look at Charlotte Field,
78 00:04:32 夏洛特·菲尔德
79 00:04:32 她是罗德奖学金和普利策奖得主a Rhodes Scholar, a Pulitzer winner,
80 00:04:35 她还是钱伯斯总统的得意门生and protege of President Chambers,
81 00:04:38 总统于两年前提拔了菲尔德who tapped Field two years ago
82 00:04:40 使其成为这个国家有史以来to be the youngest secretary of state
83 00:04:42 最年轻的国务卿in the history of this nation.
84 00:04:44 而且说实话 她愈发地火辣撩人And honestly, looking hotter than usual.
85 00:04:46 深度报道 夏洛特·菲尔德
86 00:04:46 现在人们会说这样的言论是性别歧视Now, people are gonna say that's sexist,
87 00:04:48 但她就是很性感but, she's just hot!
88 00:04:49 要知道 我们如此谈论女性You know, when we talk about women in this way,
89 00:04:51 是因为我们如此尊重她们it is because we respect them so much,
90 00:04:53 这种尊重从夸赞她们的身材开始and we start with their body.
91 00:04:55 你们两个太讨厌了You two are terrible.
92 00:05:00 晚安 史蒂文 晚安 国务卿女士Good night, Steven. Good night, Madam Secretary.
93 00:05:03 希望渺茫
94 00:05:06 抱歉这么晚还打电话给你 外交部长先生Sorry for the late call, Mr. Foreign Minister.
95 00:05:09 今天事情太多Long day.
96 00:05:10 三份双边协议Three bilaterals.
97 00:05:11 听着 我们不可能做到Listen, we're not going to be able to do it.
98 00:05:14 促成这件事的引力不够There's just not enough traction around this thing.
99 00:05:16 虽然我认可 但国会不支持I believe in it, it's just... I don't have Congress support.
100 00:05:19 美国人民也不支持I don't have the American people's support.
101 00:05:21 我知道你我都不喜欢 查克I know you and I don't like it, Chuck,
102 00:05:23 但你知道谁喜欢吗but you know who likes it?
103 00:05:24 88%受过大学教育的45岁以上的美国人88% of collegeeducated Americans over 45.
104 00:05:28 潜在选民Likely voters.
105 00:05:29 盖洛普民调的结果 我们必须促成此事That's Gallup. We have to make this happen.
106 00:06:07 我不会说总统缺乏经验Well, I wouldn't call the president inexperienced.
107 00:06:10 他确实在一部大热电视剧中I mean, he did play a president
108 00:06:11 扮演了超过十年的总统on a very popular television show for over a decade.
109 00:06:15 如果不是演得特别深入人心You don't get six Golden Globe nominations
110 00:06:17 是不会六次被金球奖提名的without being pretty convincing.
111 00:06:20 我确实觉得我很风趣I do think I'm funny.
112 00:06:22 不好意思 我还以为这次采访是关于I'm sorry, I thought this interview was about
113 00:06:24 推动东欧地区的民主进程promoting democracy in Eastern Europe.
114 00:06:26 好了 下一个是BBCAll right, next one's BBC.
115 00:06:28 你会问一名男性内阁成员Would you be asking a male cabinet member
116 00:06:30 他们在用什么美发产品吗what products they use in their hair?
117 00:06:32 开玩笑的I'm just kidding.
118 00:06:34 不 就是橄榄油和蛋黄酱No, it's olive oil and mayonnaise.
119 00:06:36 我知道 特别便宜 特别闪亮I know. So cheap. So much shine.
120 00:06:42 早上好 总统先生Good morning, Mr. President.
121 00:06:43 早上好 总统先生Good morning, Mr. President.
122 00:06:46 早上好 总统先生Good morning, Mr. President.
123 00:06:49 早上好 总统先生Good morning, Mr. President.
124 00:06:51 早 夏洛特Oh, hey, Charlotte.
125 00:06:52 被你抓住了 我在看我演的的剧You caught me watching my show.
126 00:06:56 总统先生 我们还是推荐C方案Mr. President. We still recommend Option C.
127 00:06:58 我不会用核武器对付海啸的I am not nuking a tsunami!
128 00:07:02 来了来了Here it is.
129 00:07:04 现在不行Not now...
130 00:07:05 今天不行Not today.
131 00:07:07 有我在就不行Not in my house.
132 00:07:08 赞 我超爱这段Yes! I love that!
133 00:07:12 我也是Me too.
134 00:07:12 总之 我叫你来不是为了看这个Anyway, that's not why I called you here.
135 00:07:18 夏洛特Charlotte.
136 00:07:18 什么事 先生Yes, sir?
137 00:07:20 我不准备争取连任了I will not be seeking reelection.
138 00:07:23 真的吗Really?
139 00:07:24 我知道这很疯狂Look, I know it's crazy,
140 00:07:25 因为我的第一个任期才刚过半because I'm only halfway through my first term.
141 00:07:28 而且你非常受欢迎 先生And you're incredibly popular, sir.
142 00:07:31 我想把这种人气And I want to use that popularity
143 00:07:33 转变成某种to transition into something
144 00:07:36 比总统更显赫的身份more prestigious than the presidency.
145 00:07:40 我想登上大荧幕I wanna make it in the movies.
146 00:07:43 你打算不当总统You're going to leave the Presidency
147 00:07:47 去演电影to go be in movies?
148 00:07:48 我知道 难度很大I know. It's gonna be tough.
149 00:07:51 大概只有十个人曾成功从小荧幕转战大荧幕Only like, 10 guys have made that jump from TV to film.
150 00:07:55 伍迪·哈里森 乔治·克鲁尼Woody Harrelson, George Clooney...
151 00:07:58 大概 大概只有两个人成功过Might be... Might be just two.
152 00:07:59 我 总统先生 你有没有I... Mr. President, have you
153 00:08:03 考虑过你会支持谁来当下一任总统given any consideration as to whom you might endorse?
154 00:08:07 我猜你一定在考虑麦克尼克或克劳利I'm sure you're probably thinking of McNichol or Crowly.
155 00:08:10 都是不错的选择Strong choices.
156 00:08:12 说来也怪 我本来考虑2024年参加总统大选So strange, because I was considering a run in 2024.
157 00:08:17 并且我已经被审查过了And I've been vetted.
158 00:08:19 已经搞定了So that's all done.
159 00:08:21 而且我情不自禁地想到And I can't stop thinking about what...
160 00:08:26 支持首位女性总统What it would do for your legacy
161 00:08:29 会给你留下怎样的美名to endorse the first female president.
162 00:08:33 我是说...I mean...
163 00:08:35 那可是丰功伟绩That's a legacy.
164 00:08:39 夏洛特Charlotte?
165 00:08:41 我想支持你I would like to endorse you
166 00:08:43 竞选下一任美国总统to be the next president of the United States.
167 00:08:47 如果你认为这是个好主意的话I mean, if you think that's a good idea,
168 00:08:50 先生 我相信你sir, I trust you.
169 00:08:51 我 我将深感荣幸I'd... I'd be honored.
170 00:08:54 我要支持夏洛特队 好吗I'm gonna be pulling for Team Charlotte. Right?
171 00:08:58 因为你这个秘书当得很好Because you've been a great secretary.
172 00:09:00 我是国务卿...of state.
173 00:09:02 随便啦 这工作挺酷的Whatever. It's a cool job.
174 00:09:04 你做得也很好And, you've done it well.
175 00:09:06 多谢夸奖 先生 那就专心致志Thank you, sir. So stay focused.
176 00:09:08 别出什么大岔子Don't make any major screwups.
177 00:09:10 别杀死任何妓女Don't kill any hookers.
178 00:09:12 你大概不存在这个问题Probably not a problem for you.
179 00:09:13 我不知道你喜欢什么 随便啦I don't know what you're into. Whatever.
180 00:09:15 然后转眼之间...And before you know it...
181 00:09:20 我喜欢这曲调I like the sound of that.
182 00:09:21 ? 她来了 ?? Hey, here she comes ?
183 00:09:22 ? 第一位女总统驾到 ?? It's the first lady president ?
184 00:09:25 ? 谁能相信她真的是个女人 ?? Who can believe that she's actually a woman ?
185 00:09:28 谢谢 先生Thank you, sir.
186 00:09:29 ? 她脑容量充足 其它部位也很丰满 ?? She's got a big brain and a couple other assets ?
187 00:09:37 现在我们看到的是国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德And here we see Secretary of State Charlotte Field.
188 00:09:39 早上好Good morning.
189 00:09:42 太好了Yes!
190 00:09:47 夏洛特菲尔德 基准研究
191 00:09:47 开门见山的说 "你的身材很好"So the headline is, "You're in great shape."
192 00:09:49 身材很好
193 00:09:50 92分 很不错 真的很不错Ninetytwo, that's good. Really good.
194 00:09:52 是啊 请注意Yeah. And now, keep in mind
195 00:09:54 这些分数是针对女性候选人的that these are numbers for a female candidate.
196 00:09:57 如果你是个男人 这身材能拿192分了If you were a man, you'd be in the 192nd percentile.
197 00:10:00 感觉差不多 嗯Well, that seems about right. Yeah.
198 00:10:03 因为男人都...好了'Cause the man... Okay.
199 00:10:05 性格特征个人魅力 95
200 00:10:05 你的幽默感得分82your sense of humor is 82,
201 00:10:08 这个分数还可以 还可以which is solid. It's solid.
202 00:10:10 但你也知道 我们不介意看到这个数字But, you know, we wouldn't mind seeing those numbers
203 00:10:12 再涨几分 或者更多go up a few points, or more.
204 00:10:14 我会找一些有趣的演讲稿写手So, I'm going to get some writing samples from
205 00:10:17 写一些样稿 很好some funny speech writers. Great.
206 00:10:18 我很想知道人们对于我的成就I am really interested in knowing how people feel
207 00:10:21 有何看法 对about my accomplishments. Yeah.
208 00:10:24 好的 其实我们不会Right. You know, so we don't
209 00:10:25 深究具体的政策drill down on specific policies.
210 00:10:29 因为人们似乎根本不关心And that's only because people don't seem to care.
211 00:10:33 有意思That's interesting.
212 00:10:33 话虽如此 如果你能谈成一些项目With that said, if you could broker some deal
213 00:10:37 能让你公开谈论一些that gets you out there talking
214 00:10:38 你有着强烈感受的事物about a thing that you feel really strongly about,
215 00:10:41 效果会很好that would be great.
216 00:10:42 那太好了Well, that's perfect.
217 00:10:43 我们一直在寻找一个I mean, we've been looking for an opening
218 00:10:45 开始讨论环境问题的契机to start a conversation about the environment.
219 00:10:49 行吧All right.
220 00:10:50 感情生活上 恕我冒昧Romantically, if I may...
221 00:10:52 感情生活
222 00:10:53 还记得那次全球商务论坛吗Remember the stir online
223 00:10:56 加拿大总理和你when the Canadian Prime Minister and you
224 00:10:59 坐在一起 在网上造成了轰动were seated next to each other at The Global Business Forum?
225 00:11:04 那样的恋情A relationship like that
226 00:11:05 优秀的恋情
227 00:11:06 会让你提升至95分以上would push you into the high 90s.
228 00:11:07 95分以上
229 00:11:09 95分以上High 90s?
230 00:11:11 接下来要说的是...That brings us to...
231 00:11:14 挥手
232 00:11:17 我挥手有什么问题吗What's wrong with my wave?
233 00:11:19 我认为人们觉得这种程度的肘部动作I think people feel that that level of elbow movement is, um...
234 00:11:24 让人很紧张It stresses people out.
235 00:11:25 你知道吗 这只是一个需要改进的方面You know what? It's just an area for improvement.
236 00:11:28 好吧 我会练习挥手的Okay, fine, I'll work on the wave.
237 00:11:31 布鲁克林
238 00:11:35 弗雷德Hey Fred.
239 00:11:36 这篇报道你绝对喜欢 我差点把命丢了You're gonna love this. I almost died.
240 00:11:39 你有空吗You got a second?
241 00:11:40 有 过来Yeah. Come on.
242 00:11:43 其实我有很棒的消息要告诉你I actually have some really great news.
243 00:11:46 真的吗 真的Really? Yes.
244 00:11:47 棒Cool.
245 00:11:48 我们刚刚被温布利传媒收购了We were just bought by Wembley Media.
246 00:11:51 什么 是的What? Yeah.
247 00:11:52 你他妈是在开玩笑吗Are you fucking kidding me?
248 00:11:53 我就知道你的反应会很强烈I knew you'd have a harsh reaction...
249 00:11:54 反应强烈A harsh reaction?
250 00:11:55 弗雷德 这是好事 怎么可能Fred, this is a good thing. How?
251 00:11:57 那个混蛋代表着一切The fucker represents everything
252 00:11:59 我们从第一天起就不断抗争的事物that we've been fighting against since day one!
253 00:12:00 这份报纸的全部意义就在于The whole point of this paper is to fight
254 00:12:02 和大型传媒集团抗争giant media conglomerates.
255 00:12:03 现在我们被一家大型传媒集团收购了Now we've been bought by a giant media conglomerate.
256 00:12:05 我明白这很讽刺 讽刺I do see the irony. Irony?
257 00:12:07 他会把这个地方变成宣传机器He's gonna turn this place into a propaganda machine.
258 00:12:10 不是正义的善良的Not the good kind, that's right!
259 00:12:12 而是邪恶的卑鄙的The bad kind, that's wrong!
260 00:12:13 我们别无选择Well, we're out of options.
261 00:12:15 我们已经靠着大麻医生We've been running as long as we can
262 00:12:17 和三陪的广告撑了够久了on ads for weed doctors and escorts.
263 00:12:19 把阴茎增大广告也加上吧Let's get penis enlargement ads, too.
264 00:12:21 没人喜欢他们的老二No one likes their dick.
265 00:12:22 拜托 弗雷德 温布利这家伙Come on, Fred. This Wembley guy,
266 00:12:24 他编造虚假新闻帮助钱伯斯当选he ran fake stories to help get Chambers elected.
267 00:12:27 不 他们没能证明这一点No, they couldn't prove that.
268 00:12:28 我们证明了 这件事我写了三篇文章We proved it! I wrote three articles about it!
269 00:12:30 你刊登了它们 确实如此You published them! I did.
270 00:12:32 这家伙口中喷出的那些屁话The shit that comes out of this fucking guy's mouth...
271 00:12:35 他说飓风是同性婚姻导致的He said hurricanes were caused by gay marriage.
272 00:12:37 我根本想不明白那怎么可能I don't even get how that fucking works.
273 00:12:39 我根本不明白那背后的原理I don't even get the math on that one.
274 00:12:41 弗雷德 此事已成定局 已成定局Fred, it's done, all right? It's done?
275 00:12:43 他们正在楼上敲定交易They're upstairs finalizing the deal right now.
276 00:12:46 听着 我们必须裁员三分之二Look, we have to cut twothirds of our staff.
277 00:12:49 三分之二 是的Twothirds? Yeah.
278 00:12:51 但我们想留下你 他们想留下你But we wanna keep you on. They wanna keep you on.
279 00:12:53 只是...It's just...
280 00:12:55 只是你需要低调一点You just have to tone it down a little bit.
281 00:12:57 我不知道我还能怎么I don't know how I can tone things down
282 00:12:58 比现在更低调了any more than I'm toning them down.
283 00:13:00 弗雷德 你是个好作家 谢谢Okay, Fred. You're a great writer. Thank you.
284 00:13:02 你很幽默All right, you're funny,
285 00:13:03 你敢于冒险 引起共鸣you take risks, you connect with people.
286 00:13:05 我感觉马上要有转折I'm sensing a twist in this.
287 00:13:06 你拥有独特真实的观点 但是You have a distinct, authentic voice, but...
288 00:13:09 有时候你太夸张了Sometimes you're a little too much.
289 00:13:11 我不觉得我太夸张了I don't think I am too much!
290 00:13:12 我觉得我的程度刚刚好I actually think I'm the perfect right portion.
291 00:13:15 听着 你能保住工作Look, you have your job.
292 00:13:16 这才是重点 稍微遵守点规矩Okay, focus on that and just toe the line a little bit.
293 00:13:19 你知道吗 我辞职You know what? I quit.
294 00:13:21 别这样 弗雷德Come on, Fred.
295 00:13:21 你也应该辞职 所有人都应该辞职You should quit, too. Everyone should fucking quit.
296 00:13:24 不 我不会辞职 我需要我的工作No, I'm not gonna quit, I need my job.
297 00:13:25 我他妈也需要我的工作 我一贫如洗I need my fucking job, too. I'm broke, man!
298 00:13:28 但我不能为那家伙工作But I can't work for that guy.
299 00:13:29 至少让我来开除你 这样你就能拿到失业补助At least let me fire you so you can get unemployment.
300 00:13:31 门都没有No fucking way!
301 00:13:33 我要让他知道是我自己辞职的I want him to know that I quit.
302 00:13:36 他永远不会知道的 他根本没听说过你He's never gonna know it, he's never heard of you.
303 00:13:38 你要为了恶心一个从来没听说过你的人You're gonna destroy your life to spite a guy
304 00:13:40 毁掉自己的人生吗 是的who's never heard of you? Yes!
305 00:13:41 你说对了You said it best!
306 00:13:42 我就是要这么做That's exactly what I'm doing.
307 00:13:44 你做的决定很糟糕 让我很郁闷You're making bad decisions and it's bumming me out, man.
308 00:13:46 你也让我这么觉得Well, that makes two of us.
309 00:13:48 去他妈的 新闻业今天死了 各位Fuck this. Journalism died today, people.
310 00:13:51 喂 我是弗雷德·弗拉斯基Yes, hello, this is, uh, Fred Flarsky.
311 00:13:55 我I, uh,
312 00:13:56 打来只是想说我最近被迫辞职了was just calling to say that I was forced to quit my job recently,
313 00:13:59 因此我就成了自由职业者making me something of a free agent.
314 00:14:01 我知道以前And I know in the past, uh,
315 00:14:02 你说过我不是《纽约时报》要找的人you said I'm not exactly what The Times was looking for,
316 00:14:05 龙舌兰酒
317 00:14:05 但我打来只是想看看有没有什么变化but I was just calling to see if anything's changed.
318 00:14:08 我等你回电 非常感谢Just give me a ring. Thank you so much.
319 00:14:10 兰斯 我是弗雷德Lance. It's Fred.
320 00:14:14 我失业了 我很难过 我能去找你吗I lost my job and I'm very sad. Can I come by?
321 00:14:22 我们要安排一次会议We need to schedule a meeting
322 00:14:23 看看他们有什么要说的and see what they have to say.
323 00:14:26 失陪一下Excuse me.
324 00:14:28 伙计 真不敢相信他们就这样开了你Man, I can't believe they ditch you like that.
325 00:14:31 太过分了 我很愤怒It's fucked up. I'm pissed.
326 00:14:32 但你马上就会感觉好起来 我们现在就走Yeah. But you're gonna feel a lot better, man, we're leaving.
327 00:14:35 你现在就可以下班吗You can leave work right now?
328 00:14:36 是啊 我可以下班Yeah, I can fucking leave.
329 00:14:37 你看见这个拐角的大办公室了吗You see this corner office?
330 00:14:38 这是"我想什么时候下班就什么时候下班"的办公室That's a "I can leave this bitch whenever I want" corner office.
331 00:14:41 来吧 大家听好Come on, man. Everybody!
332 00:14:44 这是我最好的朋友This is my best friend,
333 00:14:46 他今天刚刚失业了and he just lost his job today.
334 00:14:47 他陷入了人生最低谷All right? He's at rock bottom.
335 00:14:49 没那么糟糕 他感觉糟透了It's not that bad. He feels like shit.
336 00:14:51 我要让他感觉好起来And I'm gonna make him feel better.
337 00:14:53 这是我们从大学时起的一个传统It's been a tradition since we were in college,
338 00:14:55 当我们俩有人不开心时when one of us feels sad,
339 00:14:56 另一个人必须让他嗨到神智不清the other one has to get him fucked up.
340 00:14:58 我说的是布兰妮·斯皮尔斯I'm talking Britney Spears,
341 00:15:00 在零零年代中期剃光头mid2000s bald head,
342 00:15:02 差点把宝宝掉地上的那种神智不清almost dropping the baby fucked up.
343 00:15:04 不做评判 不做评判No judgement. No judgement.
344 00:15:06 我要清空日程表 赞德I need my schedule cleared, Zander.
345 00:15:09 我什么工作都不想干I don't want to do shit.
346 00:15:10 我今天要失联一整天I'm going offgrid till tomorrow.
347 00:15:12 事实上Matter of fact...
348 00:15:14 所有人今天都放假Everybody's got the day off.
349 00:15:16 所有人今天都放假Everybody's got the day off.
350 00:15:17 你们今天都放假Y'all got the day off.
351 00:15:18 大家回家去吧Everybody, go home.
352 00:15:20 我很感激你们所有人的辛勤工作I'm so appreciative of all of you guys' hard work.
353 00:15:22 我爱你们每一个人I love every single one of you.
354 00:15:24 除了你 泰德Except you, Ted!
355 00:15:25 百吉饼周五是给大家准备的 泰德Bagel Friday is for everybody, Ted!
356 00:15:28 你以为我们不知道你拿了百吉饼吗You don't think we know you taking the bagels?
357 00:15:31 对 泰德 这样不好Yeah, Ted, not cool.
358 00:15:32 赞德 在Zander. Yeah?
359 00:15:32 我要两罐天然西柚气泡水I need two cans of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.
360 00:15:35 里面灌满尊尼获加蓝牌威士忌和大麻二酚油I need that filled with Johnnie Walker Blue and CBD oil.
361 00:15:39 你想来一罐吗Do you want one?
362 00:15:41 被操了
363 00:15:41 我被坑了 伙计I got fucked, man.
364 00:15:43 是啊 你被操得就像色情网站上的后妈一样Yeah, you got fucked like a stepmom on Pornhub.
365 00:15:46 大家都经历过Well, it happens to everybody.
366 00:15:47 我以前也失业过 感觉糟透了I've been unemployed before, it sucks.
367 00:15:49 但我没有寻求任何救济But I didn't ask for any handouts.
368 00:15:50 我靠自己的努力奋斗 走向了成功I picked myself up by my bootstraps and got to it.
369 00:15:53 我们现在去哪儿Where are we going right now?
370 00:15:54 去人生最棒的一天 弗雷德 别担心Best day ever, Fred. Don't worry about it.
371 00:15:56 我给咱俩计划了超爽的一下午I've got this dope afternoon planned for us.
372 00:15:58 首先我们要喝完西柚水First we're going to finish these Pamplemousse's.
373 00:16:00 去公园玩Play at the park.
374 00:16:01 然后我们去皮特鲁格牛排馆After that we're going to go to Peter Luger's,
375 00:16:03 给你来一份肥厚的牛排get you a nice fat steak,
376 00:16:04 最后去世界自然基金会的一场慈善活动and then finish it off with a World Wildlife Fund benefit.
377 00:16:07 我不确定要不要参加有钱人的高级派对I don't know if I want to go to some fancy rich person party.
378 00:16:10 什么 得了吧 伙计What... Oh, come on, man,
379 00:16:11 别这么武断 好吗don't be so judgmental, all right?
380 00:16:13 那有免费的酒喝 还有熊猫It's free booze and there'll be pandas and shit.
381 00:16:15 大家都喜欢熊猫 我不确定People love pandas and shit. I don't know.
382 00:16:18 好吧 弗雷德All right, fine, Fred.
383 00:16:19 那就什么也不做 好吗Then just do nothing. All right?
384 00:16:20 回家去 什么也不做Go home, do nothing.
385 00:16:22 不跟你的铁哥们还有男孩男人乐队一起找乐子And don't kick it with your best friend and Boyz II Men.
386 00:16:26 你说什么Say what?
387 00:16:27 是啊Oh, yeah.
388 00:16:29 男孩男人乐队要在派对上表演他们经典的Boyz II Men is bringing their timeless blend
389 00:16:31 节奏布鲁斯 嘻哈和新杰克摇摆的融合of R&B, hiphop and new jack swing to the party.
390 00:16:34 我以为你会想去呢I thought you would like to be there.
391 00:16:36 男 男 男 男孩男人乐队BoboboBoyz II Men?
392 00:16:38 出自男孩男人乐队的歌曲《汽车城》
393 00:16:38 ? 汽车城卷土重来 ?? Motownphilly's back again ?
394 00:16:42 我说的就是这个 伙计That's what I'm talking about, man.
395 00:16:42 那我们去玩吧 今天真开心 来吧Okay, let's have fun. What a fun day. Let's do this shit.
396 00:16:47 我好饿 饿得发疯I am so hungry, it's insane.
397 00:16:50 你为什么不给我能量棒Why didn't you PowerBar me?
398 00:16:51 我想来着 你把我的手推开了I tried, you pushed my hand away.
399 00:16:54 串串 我没办法优雅地吃串串Skewered foods. I can't eat skewered foods gracefully.
400 00:16:57 我会看起来像个野人I look like a fucking caveman.
401 00:16:58 是啊 而且到处都有镜头Yeah, and there are cameras everywhere.
402 00:17:00 这真的会降低你的优雅值That's really gonna hurt your elegance score.
403 00:17:02 那是我得分最高的一项That's my best score.
404 00:17:07 该死 全都是串串Fuck! It's all skewered foods.
405 00:17:09 我把鸡肉从串上弄下来 弄下来I'm gonna take the chicken off the skewers. Take it off...
406 00:17:11 快点 快点Quickly. Quickly.
407 00:17:13 为什么他们搞得这么难弄Why do they make this so difficult...
408 00:17:16 对不起 先生 我很抱歉I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.
409 00:17:17 该死的 没法好好...Jesus fucking Christ. Can't do things...
410 00:17:20 给我围成人墙 围成人墙 好Just make a fucking... Make a wall. Make a wall. Yup.
411 00:17:22 好了吗 好了Do you have it? Yes.
412 00:17:27 安全 安全 安全Good. Good, good, good, good.
413 00:17:28 天啊 这鸡肉真好吃Oh, my God, it's really good chicken.
414 00:17:32 詹姆斯·斯图尔德正在靠近James Steward is approaching.
415 00:17:33 詹姆斯·斯图尔德正在靠近James Steward is approaching.
416 00:17:34 什么What?
417 00:17:35 他距离我们差不多有九英尺Okay, he's about nine feet away.
418 00:17:36 他的老二距离我们只有七英尺His dick is probably about seven feet away.
419 00:17:38 玛吉 六英尺Maggie! Six feet away.
420 00:17:40 五英尺 快吐掉 快吐掉Five feet away. Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.
421 00:17:43 詹姆斯 晚上好James! Bonsoir.
422 00:17:46 你好 晚上好Hi. Good evening.
423 00:17:47 真遗憾我几周前I am so sorry I missed you
424 00:17:49 去白宫时没见到你when I was at the White House a few weeks ago.
425 00:17:51 你有那么"遗憾"吗 詹姆斯Are you so "sorry," James?
426 00:17:51 打趣加拿大人爱说抱歉
427 00:17:54 你永远不会放弃开这个玩笑 对吗You're never gonna stop making that joke, are you?
428 00:17:56 是的 我不会No. I'm not.
429 00:17:58 我...你好Well, I... Oh, hello.
430 00:18:00 你好 好的Hi. Oh, yes.
431 00:18:02 谢谢Thank you.
432 00:18:05 再来一张 再来一张One more. One more.
433 00:18:08 谢谢 谢谢Merci. Thank you.
434 00:18:10 你说我们离开这里怎么样What do you say we get out of here?
435 00:18:13 去更私密的地方喝一杯Grab a drink somewhere a bit more private.
436 00:18:18 太棒了 好吗Yes... Yeah?
437 00:18:19 天啊Oh, my God!
438 00:18:20 大家大声一点 大声一点Make some noise out there! Make some noise!
439 00:18:23 你们都给我看过来Yeah! Check it out, y'all!
440 00:18:25 问个问题 乐队的名字叫什么One question, what's the name of the group?
441 00:18:27 男孩男人乐队Boyz II Men!
442 00:18:28 乐队的名字叫什么What's the name of the group, y'all?
443 00:18:29 男孩男人乐队Boyz II Men!
444 00:18:31 Motownphilly Boyz II Men
445 00:18:31 ? 汽车城卷土重来 ?? Motownphilly's back again ?
446 00:18:36 ? 来点东海岸的摇摆 ?? Doin' a little east coast fling ?
447 00:18:39 ? 男人男孩乐队闪亮登场 ?? Boyz II Men going off ?
448 00:18:43 ? 不需要太强硬 也不会太软弱 ?? Not too hard, not too soft ?
449 00:18:47 ? 我们姗姗来迟 ?? It's long overdue but now ?
450 00:18:49 ? 费城热火朝天 ?? Philly is slammin' ?
451 00:18:52 ? 男孩男人乐队 ?? Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD ?
452 00:18:53 我说过会很带劲的Yeah... I told you this would be dope.
453 00:18:53 ? 东海岸的家族 ?? The east coast family ?
454 00:18:55 真的让我开心起来了Yeah, uh... This is really cheering me up.
455 00:18:56 ? 从不错过节拍 ?? Never skipped a beat, na ?
456 00:18:58 ? 在南街纵情享乐 ?? While cooling on South street ?
457 00:19:00 ? 黑色大奔 好友成群 ?? Jet black Benz, plenty of friends ?
458 00:19:02 ? 还有各式各样的费城牛排 ?? And all the Philly steaks you could eat ?
459 00:19:05 ? 学生时代 我们常常幻想这一刻 ?? Back in school we used to dream about this everyday ?
460 00:19:09 ? 梦想成真了吗 ?? Could it really happen ?
461 00:19:09 我穿的太随便了I'm super underdressed.
462 00:19:10 别抱怨了 好吗Stop complaining, all right?
463 00:19:10 ? 还是会逐渐消失 ?? Or do dreams fade away ?
464 00:19:11 你觉得自己不太自在You think you feel outta place？
465 00:19:13 ? 我们开始歌唱 ?? Then we started singing them ?
466 00:19:13 这是我走进过的最耀眼的房间了This is one of the brightest rooms I've ever been in, in my life.
467 00:19:16 ? 我们建立了乐队 走到了这一步 ?? So we started a group and here we are ?
468 00:19:17 你说"耀眼"是什么意思Bright? What do you mean, bright?
469 00:19:19 ? 只为你们狂欢 ?? Kickin' it just for you ?
470 00:19:19 白得耀眼Like white.
471 00:19:21 你是指白人 没错"Bright" is white? Yeah, man.
472 00:19:22 黑人只有我 服务员和男孩男人乐队It's only me, the waiters and Boyz II Men.
473 00:19:24 已经有三个人跟我说喜欢我的音乐了I've already had three people tell me they love my music.
474 00:19:26 ? 来点东海岸的摇摆 ?? Doin' a little east coast fling ?
475 00:19:30 ? 男孩男人乐队闪亮登场 ?? Boyz II Men going off ?
476 00:19:32 我还有工作Duty calls.
477 00:19:34 改天再邀你跳舞I'll take a snow check on that dance.
478 00:19:34 ? 不需要太强硬 也不会太软弱 ?? Not too hard, not too soft ?
479 00:19:36 加拿大人不说"下雨"说"下雪" 好的Canadian for "rain check." Okay.
480 00:19:36 rain check 下次 改天
481 00:19:38 ? 我们站立在聚光灯下 ?? The spotlight is on us now ?
482 00:19:39 回头见a bient?t.
483 00:19:40 好Okay.
484 00:19:40 ? 看好了 ?? Watch us do this ?
485 00:19:46 ? 在费城现场直播 ?? Live and direct from Philly town ?
486 00:19:47 你喝得有点太猛了吧 你觉得呢Man, you're pounding 'em kinda hard, don't you think?
487 00:19:49 ? 尽情地说唱 我们兴奋得难以名状?? Rap and hype and we can get down ?
488 00:19:50 我今天被炒鱿鱼了 伙计I got fired today, man.
489 00:19:51 ? 我们准备好摇滚了 ?? We are ready to roll ?
490 00:19:52 你跟我说是自己辞职的You told me you quit.
491 00:19:53 ? 现在世人都会知道我们 ?? So now the world will know that we were ?
492 00:19:54 我是被迫主动辞职的 因为I was forced to quit because of...
493 00:19:56 ? 学生时代 我们常常幻想这一刻 ?? Back in school we used to dream about this everyday ?
494 00:19:57 好吧 伙计Yeah, okay, man.
495 00:19:58 接着编吧Lie to me some more.
496 00:19:59 ? 梦想会成真吗 ?? Could it really happen? ?
497 00:20:01 ? 还是会逐渐消失 ?? Or do dreams fade away ?
498 00:20:01 你还好吗You good?
499 00:20:03 ? 于是我们开始 ?? Then we started singing them ?
500 00:20:05 ? 人们说听上去很流畅 ?? They said it sounded smooth ?
501 00:20:07 ? 我们建立了乐队 走到了这一步 ?? So we started a group and here we are ?
502 00:20:07 我靠 国务卿在看我们吗Shit. Is the secretary of state looking at us?
503 00:20:10 ? 只为你们狂欢 ?? Kickin' it just for you ?
504 00:20:12 她在看你She's looking at you？
505 00:20:12 ? 汽车城卷土重来 ?? Motownphilly's back again ?
506 00:20:15 弗雷德Fred.
507 00:20:19 弗雷德 什么情况 刚刚怎么回事Fred. What the hell? What was that?
508 00:20:22 我去 到底怎么回事Damn. Hey, what was that?
509 00:20:26 我I...
510 00:20:27 好像 我好像认识她 行了吗Kinda... I kinda know her. Okay?
511 00:20:28 你好像认识她 嗯You kinda know her? Yeah.
512 00:20:30 没人能随便认识夏洛特·菲尔德 好吗Nobody kinda knows Charlotte Field, all right?
513 00:20:32 这就像认识美人鱼一样 老兄It's like kinda knowing a mermaid, dude.
514 00:20:34 这种事值得炫耀You tell people that shit.
515 00:20:35 太不可思议了 好吧That's exceptional. Okay.
516 00:20:37 我告诉你一个故事I'll tell you a story.
517 00:20:38 那时我大概十三岁 她大概十六岁So, I'm like 13, she's like 16.
518 00:20:42 她是我的保姆She's my babysitter.
519 00:20:43 It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday Boyz II Men
520 00:20:43 ? 我该如何开口 ?? How do I say goodbye ?
521 00:20:48 她很完美 对我也很好She's like, perfect. She's very nice to me,
522 00:20:50 ? 向我们所拥有的告别 ?? To what we had ?
523 00:20:51 这对我来说很重要which goes a long way with me.
524 00:20:52 我们当时在她家里So, we're at her house...
525 00:20:54 她在练习自己写的演讲稿She's practicing a speech that she's writing.
526 00:20:56 当时她在竞选学生会主席She's running for Student Council president.
527 00:20:57 ? 美好的时光 让我们笑口常开 ?? The good times that made us laugh ?
528 00:20:58 你知道吗 每一年Did you know that every year,
529 00:20:59 学校都会扔掉五百吨的可回收垃圾the school throws away over 500 tons of recyclable garbage?
530 00:21:02 没有人在乎 我知道 这太扯了And no one cares. I know, it's total bullshit.
531 00:21:02 ? 胜过所有的不欢 ?? Outweighed the bad ?
532 00:21:05 但你怎么才能让那些笨蛋But how do you get idiots to care about shit
533 00:21:06 去在乎他们不在乎的事 他们会在乎的they don't care about? They'll just care
534 00:21:09 ? 我曾以为我们能看到永恒 ?? I thought we'd get to see forever ?
535 00:21:09 因为这是应该在乎的事情because it's the right thing to care about.
536 00:21:11 你比乔治·布什和丹·奎尔加起来还鼓舞人心You're more inspiring than George Bush and Dan Quayle combined.
537 00:21:14 超越他们并不难Well, that's not too hard.
538 00:21:17 ? 但永恒已渐渐消散 ?? But forever has blown away ?
539 00:21:17 她真的很棒 很聪明Well, she was amazing, and she was smart,
540 00:21:19 感觉她有点喜欢我and she seemed to kinda like me,
541 00:21:20 我觉得我们之间有感觉and I felt like we were having a moment.
542 00:21:22 你懂的 看对眼的感觉You know what I mean? Like a romantic moment.
543 00:21:23 ? 向昨日道别 ?? It's so hard to say goodbye ?
544 00:21:25 我靠Oh, shit.
545 00:21:26 于是我做了一件事So I did something,
546 00:21:27 现在回想起来特别不妥的事that in retrospect was highly inappropriate.
547 00:21:29 ? 如此艰难 ?? To yesterday ?
548 00:21:29 我吻了她I kissed her.
549 00:21:31 低头一看I looked down...
550 00:21:32 我两腿之间竖起了十三岁的勃起I got a fucking 13yearold boner, man!
551 00:21:35 坚挺 但是不大Hard... But not big.
552 00:21:38 但是坚挺 宣告着"十三岁的勃起"But hard. And pronounced, "13yearold boner."
553 00:21:38 ? 我不知道这条路 ?? I don't know where this road ?
554 00:21:41 抱歉Sorry.
555 00:21:41 她看到了 发现了 然后她说And she looks at it. She sees it. And she goes...
556 00:21:44 没关系It's okay.
557 00:21:45 ? 将会通向何方 ?? Is gonna lead to ?
558 00:21:46 接着And then,
559 00:21:47 她男友进来了her boyfriend comes into the room,
560 00:21:48 之前他在隔壁看《绽放》who was in the other room watching Blossom!
561 00:21:50 亲爱的Hey, babe.
562 00:21:51 指着我小小的勃起Points out my fucking little boner.
563 00:21:51 ? 我只知道 我们一起去过的地方 ?? All I know is where we've been ?
564 00:21:53 嘲笑了我He makes a joke!
565 00:21:55 然后他们离开了And they left.
566 00:21:57 ? 还有我们一起经历过的一切 ?? And what we've been through ?
567 00:21:58 对不起I'm sorry.
568 00:22:01 留下我一个人And I'm left standing there alone...
569 00:22:04 ? 如果能让我坚持到明天 ?? If it gets me to tomorrow ?
570 00:22:05 站在厨房里in the kitchen,
571 00:22:06 竖着我小小的 坚挺的 十三岁的勃起with my little, hard 13yearold fucking boner.
572 00:22:10 硬邦邦的 更重要的是Hard as a rock. And on top of that,
573 00:22:11 她没能当选学生会主席she didn't win the fucking election.
574 00:22:13 比尔·斯特林当选了Bill Sterling won
575 00:22:14 因为他宣布要办两场毕业舞会because he ran on a twoprom platform.
576 00:22:16 两场 两场 连着的Twoprom! Twoproms! Backtoback!
577 00:22:18 ? 希望所有的苦痛都值得 ?? I hope it's worth all the pain ?
578 00:22:20 她根本没有机会She didn't stand a fucking chance.
579 00:22:21 一点都没有No, man.
580 00:22:22 我感觉你略过了故事最美好的部分I think you're skimming over the best part of that story.
581 00:22:24 ? 向昨日告别 ?? It's so hard to say goodbye ?
582 00:22:25 哪有最美好的部分What's the best part of that story?
583 00:22:26 她说你的勃起还可以She says your boner was okay.
584 00:22:28 她说"没关系" 就好像她在She said, "It's okay," like she was trying
585 00:22:29 安慰我 不让我难堪to not make me fucking feel bad.
586 00:22:30 ? 向昨日告别 ?? To yesterday ?
587 00:22:32 弗雷德 你认为这是个操蛋的故事Fred, you see a fuckedup story,
588 00:22:33 但我认为这是个美好的故事 你喜欢的女孩when I see a beautiful story about a girl that you liked,
589 00:22:37 全盘接受了你平庸的勃起liking your boner in all of its okayness.
590 00:22:37 ? 我会带着所有的记忆 ?? And I'll take with me the memories ?
591 00:22:40 你今晚就得去找她You need to talk to her tonight.
592 00:22:42 她大概已经忘记我是谁了She probably doesn't remember who I am.
593 00:22:44 如果她还记得我If she does remember who I am,
594 00:22:44 ? 成为风雨之后的彩虹 ?? To be my sunshine after the rain ?
595 00:22:45 她最不希望的就是the last thing she wants is
596 00:22:46 我这个十三岁就对着她勃起的变态走向她my 13yearoldbonerhaving fucking ass walking up to her.
597 00:22:49 打扰一下Excuse me.
598 00:22:51 国务卿菲尔德想和你谈谈Secretary Field would like to speak with you.
599 00:22:51 ? 向昨日道别 ?? It's so hard to say goodbye ?
600 00:22:53 和我With me?
601 00:22:54 和他对吧With him, right?
602 00:22:55 对 现在吗Yeah. Right now?
603 00:22:57 ? 如此艰难 ?? To yesterday ?
604 00:22:57 你知道她找我有什么事吗Do you know why?
605 00:22:58 这边走This way.
606 00:23:00 这是好事This is good.
607 00:23:02 你紧张什么What are you nervous about？
608 00:23:03 搞什么 我刚刚都白说了吗What the fuck? Everything I just said!
609 00:23:04 ? 我会带走所有的记忆 ?? And I'll take with me the memories ?
610 00:23:11 ? 成为风雨后的彩虹 ?? To be my sunshine after the rain ?
611 00:23:15 天哪 老兄 你看看她Oh, my God, dude, there she is.
612 00:23:23 ? 向昨日道别 ?? It's so hard to say goodbye ?
613 00:23:26 你打算和她说什么What are you gonna say to her?
614 00:23:28 我不知道I don't know.
615 00:23:29 应该先贬低她一下Should open with a neg.
616 00:23:30 ? 如此艰难 ?? To yesterday ?
617 00:23:31 跟她说她太高了Tell her she's too tall.
618 00:23:32 我才不会贬低国务卿I'm not gonna neg the secretary of state.
619 00:23:34 很高兴见到你 我也是It was so nice to see you. You as well.
620 00:23:38 如果需要我 就给我个信号Give me the signal when you need me.
621 00:23:43 有个人带我来的A man brought me here.
622 00:23:44 是的 真不好意思Yes, sorry about that.
623 00:23:46 不用 完全不必No, not at all.
624 00:23:47 我总有一种我们认识的感觉I can't shake this feeling that we know each other.
625 00:23:50 我们认识 是吗We do. We do?
626 00:23:51 我们确实认识 好的 我没有胡思乱想We do know each other. Okay, so I'm not crazy.
627 00:23:53 我是弗雷德 弗雷德I'm Fred. Fred...
628 00:23:55 以前我要矮一点I was shorter,
629 00:23:56 但除此之外我基本... 弗拉斯基but other than that... Flarsky?
630 00:23:58 是的 我操 不是吧Yeah! Holy fuck! No！
631 00:23:59 真不敢相信 你还记得I can't believe it. You remember.
632 00:24:00 天哪 看看你Oh, my God, look at you!
633 00:24:03 看看我 是啊Look at me, yes.
634 00:24:04 你在这干什么What are you doing here?
635 00:24:05 我朋友兰斯 那是兰斯My friend, Lance... That's Lance.
636 00:24:08 你好吗Hey, how you doing?
637 00:24:09 他带我来看男孩男人乐队He, uh, he just brought me here to see Boyz II Men.
638 00:24:11 我刚跟他们聊过I just met them.
639 00:24:13 你跟他们聊了 是的You met the Men? Yeah.
640 00:24:14 感觉如何 别告诉别人What was it like? Don't tell anybody,
641 00:24:16 但感觉是我的人生巅峰but it was the highlight of my life.
642 00:24:18 我完全理解I totally get that.
643 00:24:18 我可是见过xxxx的And I've met the Dalai Lama.
644 00:24:20 干他的 他有几首热单 一首都没有Fuck him. How many hits does he have? None.
645 00:24:23 别真的干他Don't actually fuck him.
646 00:24:24 他是个好人 是啊He's a wonderful man. Yeah.
647 00:24:26 最近你都在干什么What are you doing these days?
648 00:24:27 我猜肯定是很厉害的工作I bet it's something amazing.
649 00:24:30 是挺厉害的 是吗It's pretty amazing. Yeah.
650 00:24:32 是的 但还在酝酿中Yeah, but it's still in its, uh, gestation period, I guess.
651 00:24:35 不要在意细节I don't need to get into it.
652 00:24:36 你呢 在何处高就呢What about you, what have you been up to?
653 00:24:39 你是国务卿 我开玩笑呢You're the secretary... I'm joking.
654 00:24:40 我知道你在何处高就I know what you've been up to.
655 00:24:41 嗯 你非常...Yeah. You're very, um...
656 00:24:42 我只是想说 你人生中所成就的一切You know, I just, I... I just wanna say it's, like, amazing
657 00:24:44 真的太厉害了to see what you've done with your life.
658 00:24:45 很多人都夸口要做伟大的事A lot of people say they're gonna do all this incredible stuff
659 00:24:48 但却从未付出行动and they don't do anything,
660 00:24:49 但你真的办到了 恭喜你but you actually did it all, so, congrats.
661 00:24:53 我还在努力Well, I'm trying.
662 00:24:55 我觉得你已经成功了I think you've done it.
663 00:25:00 帕克·温布利Parker Wembley.
664 00:25:02 我讨厌这家伙I hate this guy.
665 00:25:03 帕克·温布利 那个买卖报社Parker Wembley, the guy who buys and sells newspapers
666 00:25:06 认为是同性婚姻导致了飓风的家伙吗and thinks that hurricanes are caused by gay marriage?
667 00:25:08 你认识他吗You know him?
668 00:25:09 他要过来了He's coming over here.
669 00:25:10 他在我身后吗 是的Is he behind me? Yeah.
670 00:25:12 终于见面了 国务卿菲尔德 帕克 你好吗Finally. Secretary Field. Parker, how are you?
671 00:25:15 今天你真是格外光彩照人You are looking particularly gorgeous tonight.
672 00:25:18 谢谢Thank you.
673 00:25:18 我这几个月一直想跟你I... I've been trying to set a meeting with you
674 00:25:21 安排会面for some months now, and, uh...
675 00:25:24 你是在回避我吗I mean, have you been avoiding me?
676 00:25:26 没有 怎么会No! No.
677 00:25:28 这不还是见着了吗Not successfully.
678 00:25:33 这位朋友是Who's your friend?
679 00:25:35 弗雷德 弗雷德Fred. Hey, Fred!
680 00:25:36 你好 你好吗Yes, hi. How are you?
681 00:25:38 你是做什么的And, uh, what is it that you do?
682 00:25:39 其实我是记者I'm a journalist, actually. Yeah.
683 00:25:42 记者啊A journalist.
684 00:25:43 你有什么大作吗Will I have read anything that you've written?
685 00:25:46 最近可能没有 因为目前我失业了Probably not recently 'cause I'm unemployed at the moment.
686 00:25:49 真是太遗憾了I am so sorry to hear that.
687 00:25:51 不是你的错Not your fault.
688 00:25:52 打扰一下 国务卿菲尔德 借一步说话Excuse me, Secretary Field, we need a word.
689 00:25:54 好的 那我们约好了Okay. So we will have that meeting.
690 00:25:56 对吗 是的Right? Yes.
691 00:25:57 那就好 弗雷德Okay, good. Fred.
692 00:25:58 什么事 祝你好运Yes? Best of luck.
693 00:26:00 你太客气了Why, thanks.
694 00:26:00 你会时来运转的Things will turn around for you.
695 00:26:01 谢谢你的好意So nice of you.
696 00:26:02 黎明前的黑暗Darkest before the dawn and all that.
697 00:26:06 那个 我得... 好I actually... I do have to... Yeah.
698 00:26:08 你可能有很多事要忙You probably have a lot of things to do.
699 00:26:10 没空跟我寒暄Better than this.
700 00:26:11 真的很高兴再次见到你It's really nice to see you again.
701 00:26:12 是的 好的 没问题Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
702 00:26:16 你穿的是露背装 意料之外You're backless. Wasn't expecting that.
703 00:26:19 祝你玩得开心 你也是Have fun at the party. You too.
704 00:26:20 很高兴见到你Great to see you.
705 00:26:25 我看到了 我看到了I see you. I see you. Yeah.
706 00:26:30 于是我说 "你想..."So I said, "You want..."
707 00:26:35 你这是什么眼神 你要干什么What's that look in your eye? What are you about to go do?
708 00:26:36 今晚是为了给动物捐款 老兄Tonight is about the animals, dude.
709 00:26:38 去它的动物 它们都灭绝了Fuck the animals! They're fucking gone, man.
710 00:26:40 该死的动物都没救了Too late for the fucking animals.
711 00:26:46 弗雷德 听着Fred? Yeah, look.
712 00:26:47 有什么问题吗 我来告诉你有什么问题What's the problem? I'll tell you the problem.
713 00:26:49 什么 问题就是你What? You're the problem, man!
714 00:26:51 你就是这个国家的一切问题所在You're everything that's wrong with this fucking country.
715 00:26:53 因为你是个有钱的白人垃圾'Cause you're an old, rich, white piece of shit
716 00:26:56 而且你的传媒集团正在摧毁这个星球and your media conglomerate is ruining this planet!
717 00:27:00 够了 反正我已经说够了Enough. I'm done anyway.
718 00:27:01 我也没想到能跟你面对面说话I had more time with you than I thought I would,
719 00:27:03 傻了吧你 我先走一步 谢谢so joke's on you. Excuse me, thank you.
720 00:27:05 我靠Shit!
721 00:27:09 天啊God!
722 00:27:11 白垃圾摔下去了Cracker down!
723 00:27:13 天啊Oh, my God.
724 00:27:15 他好像摔伤了Looks like it hurt.
725 00:27:16 男孩男人组合 退后Boyz II Men, back up.
726 00:27:18 你没事吧 还好吗You all right? You good?
727 00:27:19 你没事吧 我没事You all right? I'm okay!
728 00:27:20 他没事He's okay!
729 00:27:22 他怎么还站得起来How is he standing?
730 00:27:34 不 这是拉夫·莱德的歌No. That's the Ruff Ryder...
731 00:27:37 太有创意了This is so creative.
732 00:27:42 都是什么啊 谢谢你 汤姆What was that? Thank you, Tom.
733 00:27:44 天哪 太疯狂了God, that was crazy.
734 00:27:46 既然他没有大碍I mean, now that we know he's okay,
735 00:27:48 这一切就太好笑了it was all so hilarious.
736 00:27:50 你们究竟是什么关系And so what is the relationship exactly?
737 00:27:53 他是你上学时的宿管吗 不是Was he your super? No,
738 00:27:54 我们小时候是邻居we grew up next door to each other.
739 00:27:57 对Yeah.
740 00:27:59 我以前当过他的保姆Fuck, I used to babysit for him.
741 00:28:01 你当过他的保姆 是的You babysat for him? I did.
742 00:28:04 岁月不饶人啊Time has not been kind.
743 00:28:05 他小时候就很怪He was such a strange little kid.
744 00:28:07 但他真的很有趣 而且非常聪明But he was really funny. And he was super smart.
745 00:28:10 不过他确实很易怒He did have this chip on his shoulder, though.
746 00:28:12 其实他的写作水平还行He's actually not a bad writer.
747 00:28:14 等等 你看过他写的东西Wait, you've read his stuff?
748 00:28:15 看过 《布鲁克林鼓动报》Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.
749 00:28:17 天哪 你当然会看那个 汤姆Oh, God, of course, you read that, Tom.
750 00:28:19 那家报社不是刚被收购了吗Didn't that paper just get sold off?
751 00:28:21 温布利传媒刚买下了这家报社Wembley Media just bought them.
752 00:28:23 难怪了That makes total sense.
753 00:28:25 所以他对温布利态度那么恶劣That's why he was such a dick to Wembley.
754 00:28:27 今天剩下的行程排得满满当当So the rest of the schedule for the day is pretty packed.
755 00:28:31 布鲁克林鼓吹报弗雷德·弗拉斯基
756 00:28:38 去你妈的诶克森美孚公司
757 00:28:41 【国务卿】
758 00:28:42 你喜欢那些样稿吗Did you like any of those writing samples?
759 00:28:45 嗯 麦肯齐不错 贝丝也可以Yeah, McKenzie is good. Bess is solid.
760 00:28:49 弗雷德的也不算太差And, um, Fred's stuff isn't too bad.
761 00:28:53 等等 不是那个...Wait, not the...
762 00:28:55 摔下楼梯的流浪汉吧The homeless person that fell down the stairs?
763 00:28:57 是的 他的观点很切实Yeah. He has a real voice.
764 00:29:00 而且他了解我 我是说我们之前认识And he knows me. I mean, he knew me.
765 00:29:03 请他来给我写讲稿And that's probably a good thing
766 00:29:04 可能是件好事if he's going to be writing for me.
767 00:29:07 在团队中引入这样的人Bringing someone like that onto the team,
768 00:29:09 说实话 我觉得有点草率I have to say, feels a little reckless.
769 00:29:12 他的文笔真的很不错 很幽默His writing is really good. And it's funny.
770 00:29:15 我觉得他能让我的幽默感提升几分I think he can get that number up by a few points.
771 00:29:17 如果不行 就炒了他And if he doesn't, we fire him.
772 00:29:19 好吧Okay.
773 00:29:20 好Okay.
774 00:29:22 那就选弗雷德·弗拉斯基了Fred Flarsky it is.
775 00:29:24 谢谢Thanks.
776 00:29:31 好 再见All right, bye.
777 00:29:38 未知来电Unknown!
778 00:29:40 管他是谁 接电话I don't give a fuck. Answer that shit.
779 00:29:41 什么 接电话What? Answer it!
780 00:29:43 万一是那家伙想报复我呢What if it's The Man trying to get at me?
781 00:29:44 不 是宇宙想跟你通话No, it's the universe trying to talk to you.
782 00:29:46 真的吗Really?
783 00:29:47 黑帮 黑帮Gang. Gang.
784 00:29:49 接电话 弗雷德 别烦我了Do that shit, man. Fred, don't fuck with me.
785 00:29:51 好吧 喂 黑帮All right. Hello. Gang.
786 00:29:52 弗拉斯基先生吗 什么Mr. Flarsky? What?
787 00:29:54 等等 慢点说 什么Wait, slow down. What?
788 00:29:55 你是谁 天哪 弗拉斯基先生You're unknown. Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.
789 00:29:57 你说什么 喂Pardon? Hello?
790 00:29:58 请说Go on.
791 00:29:59 我是国务卿菲尔德办公室的玛吉·米利金This is Maggie Millikin from Secretary Field's office.
792 00:30:04 你好 玛吉 国务卿菲尔德的手下Hello, Maggie, who works for Secretary Field.
793 00:30:06 喂Hello?
794 00:30:07 是好事 跟她聊 喂That's good! Talk to her. Hello?
795 00:30:09 有什么事吗How can I help you?
796 00:30:10 国务卿想立刻见你The secretary would like to meet with you immediately.
797 00:30:13 我们会派车来接你We will send a car over.
798 00:30:14 你能把离你最近的地址告诉我吗Can you give me the most convenient address?
799 00:30:16 她说什么What is she saying?
800 00:30:17 国务卿想立刻见我Secretary would like to meet with me immediately
801 00:30:19 而且他们要派车来接我and they're going to send a car?
802 00:30:23 布鲁克林的卢先生熟食店Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.
803 00:30:25 你一定能找到 我搜一下I'm sure you can find it. I will google it.
804 00:30:28 布鲁克林的卢先生熟食店 待在那别走Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn. Stay right there.
805 00:30:30 好的Okay.
806 00:30:31 一会见I'll see you soon.
807 00:30:34 我心中好忐忑I feel so scared.
808 00:30:36 我看着还行吗Do I look okay?
809 00:30:37 会不会很滑稽Do I look funny?
810 00:30:38 怎么这么多口袋 没事的Why are these pockets here? It's okay.
811 00:30:40 天杀的God fucking damn it!
812 00:30:41 我为什么要穿这么一条白痴裤子Why am I wearing these fucking stupid pants?
813 00:30:43 下面收太紧了They're too tapered!
814 00:30:45 谁会穿这种傻兮兮的小脚工装裤Who wears these sillylooking, fucking tapered cargo pants
815 00:30:46 去见他妈的国务卿and see the fucking secretary of state?
816 00:30:48 不要这么负能量 正面一点You can't think like this. You have to be positive.
817 00:30:50 弗拉斯基先生 该死Mr. Flarsky? Oh, shit.
818 00:30:52 弗拉斯基先生Mr. Flarsky.
819 00:30:55 祝我好运Wish me luck, man.
820 00:30:56 你不需要好运 没事的Yeah, you don't need luck, man. She said it was okay.
821 00:30:58 屌丝才需要好运Luck is for losers.
822 00:31:00 你命中注定要飞黄腾达You've got destiny on your side.
823 00:31:02 你没问题的 弗雷德You're good. Fred.
824 00:31:04 心诚则灵You buy the body.
825 00:31:06 你胡扯什么That doesn't mean anything.
826 00:31:10 弗雷德 系好安全带Fred, put your seat belt on.
827 00:31:12 照顾好我朋友 好吗Take care of my friend. All right?
828 00:31:15 我看着正常吗 你帅呆了I look normal? You look cool.
829 00:31:18 我爱你 弗雷德I love you, Fred!
830 00:31:20 铁哥们 一辈子Nut boys for life!
831 00:31:27 华盛顿特区
832 00:31:37 清空所有口袋并取下背包Empty your pockets and take off your backpack.
833 00:31:41 清空所有口袋Empty my pockets?
834 00:31:44 好吧 那...All right. That's...
835 00:31:46 走一步看一步Let's see how this goes.
836 00:31:51 你不是普通的警察吧Not a regular cop, I assume.
837 00:31:53 这工作比普通警察牛逼多了吧Got bigger fish to fry than just normal cop shit, right?
838 00:31:56 好了 开始吧So, uh, okay. Let's do it.
839 00:32:00 这是处方药 抗焦虑的That's prescription. For anxiety. Uh...
840 00:32:04 这是你想跳舞又力不从心时吃的This is if you can't dance for a long time and you want to.
841 00:32:07 这也是处方药 治疗精神不振的That's prescription as well, for, uh, lack of energy.
842 00:32:10 就是能量粉That's energy powder.
843 00:32:12 这些是用来包裹抗焦虑药物These are to wrap the anxiety medication in
844 00:32:16 方便点燃吸入的包装when inhaling it medicinally.
845 00:32:19 这个是用来遵循医嘱That's if you want to vaporize the anxiety medicine,
846 00:32:21 汽化抗焦虑药的which I have a prescription for.
847 00:32:24 这是根大麻雪茄And that's a blunt.
848 00:32:44 你能把这个签了吗Will you sign this, please?
849 00:32:46 这是什么 NDAWhat is it? It's an NDA.
850 00:32:48 保密协议吗A nondisclosure agreement?
851 00:32:49 没错 好的That's right. Okay.
852 00:32:51 天哪 弗雷德Oh, my God. Fred.
853 00:32:54 很高兴再次见到你Nice to see you again.
854 00:32:55 我也是 过来You too. Come on in.
855 00:32:56 请坐Take a seat.
856 00:32:57 很高兴看到你没有摔伤Good to see you were not injured from that fall.
857 00:33:00 是啊 知道吗Yeah, you know what?
858 00:33:01 我觉得是我的帽檐I actually think the brim of my hat
859 00:33:03 非常好地保护了我的脸kind of protected my face ultimately.
860 00:33:05 谢天谢地我穿得太随便了 对吧So, thank God I was underdressed in the end, right?
861 00:33:07 你没事就好Well, as long as you're good.
862 00:33:09 我没事 很好I'm okay. Yeah. Great.
863 00:33:13 找我过来有什么事Why am I here?
864 00:33:14 很明显 接下来我要跟你谈的事What I'm about to share with you
865 00:33:16 是高度保密的is, obviously, highly confidential.
866 00:33:18 了解Oh, yeah.
867 00:33:19 不要声张Keep it on the down low.
868 00:33:22 钱伯斯总统不准备争取连任了President Chambers will not be seeking reelection.
869 00:33:26 真的吗Really?
870 00:33:27 真的Yes.
871 00:33:28 真他妈带劲 太棒了That's fucking sick! That's awesome.
872 00:33:31 你要逐一召见所有美国人告诉他们这个好消息吗Are you telling each American individually the good news?
873 00:33:35 不过说真的I mean, but seriously.
874 00:33:36 他终于明白自己干得很糟Did he just realize he sucks at it
875 00:33:37 然后决定不干了吗and decide not to do it anymore?
876 00:33:39 他只是想进军大荧幕 去拍电影He just wants to move into film and make movies.
877 00:33:43 真的假的 真的Really? Yeah.
878 00:33:45 挺好的 这种转型很难成功That's cool. That's a tough transition to make.
879 00:33:46 鲜少有演员能从小荧幕跨越到大荧幕Not many actors have made the leap from TV to film.
880 00:33:49 成功的有乔治·克鲁尼 伍迪·哈里森You got George Clooney, you got Woody Harrelson...
881 00:33:51 珍妮弗·安妮斯顿Jennifer Aniston.
882 00:33:52 她真的成功了吗Did she though?
883 00:33:53 珍妮弗·安妮斯顿还不算是电影明星吗You don't think Jennifer Aniston's a movie star?
884 00:33:55 出演电影Just 'cause you star in movies
885 00:33:56 不代表就是电影明星doesn't mean you're a movie star.
886 00:33:57 重点是The point is...
887 00:34:00 他将支持我2020年竞选总统he's going to endorse me for president in 2020.
888 00:34:04 我知道 恭喜I know. Mazel tov.
889 00:34:05 我们要去参加一个由瑞典国王古斯塔夫So. We're headed to an environmental summit
890 00:34:08 及瑞典皇室举办的环保峰会hosted by King Gustav and the Swedish Royal Family.
891 00:34:11 在峰会上 我将宣布At the summit, I'll be announcing
892 00:34:13 世界三大污染国that the world's three largest polluters
893 00:34:16 签署了有史以来最全面have signed on to the most comprehensive
894 00:34:17 最令人振奋的环保协议and exciting environmental deal ever.
895 00:34:19 知道吗 只要我摄入乳制品You know, after I have some dairy,
896 00:34:20 就会成为世界三大污染者之一I'm one of the world's three largest polluters.
897 00:34:22 你说什么Excuse me?
898 00:34:24 我们将应对海平面上升We'll address rising sea levels,
899 00:34:26 阻止滥砍滥伐combat deforestation
900 00:34:28 保护地球上的授粉昆虫and protect the world's pollinators.
901 00:34:30 我称之为全球修复倡议I'm calling it the Global Rehabilitation Initiative.
902 00:34:33 我们内部把它称作Internally, we're referring to it
903 00:34:34 "蜜蜂 森林和海洋"as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."
904 00:34:36 那之后Soon after that,
905 00:34:37 我希望很快能宣布一百个国家签署协议I hope to announce that 100 countries have signed on.
906 00:34:40 到那时At which point...
907 00:34:42 我将辞去国务卿一职I will resign as secretary of state.
908 00:34:45 用这份倡议做跳板Using this initiative as a springboard,
909 00:34:47 宣布我2020年要竞选总统I will announce my presidential run in 2020.
910 00:34:50 棒 那么Cool. So...
911 00:34:53 我需要写手为我的演讲稿增添笑点I need some writers to punch up my speeches.
912 00:34:56 我看了你的作品 真的很喜欢I read your work and I really like it.
913 00:34:58 这真是...That's...
914 00:34:59 你说过你最近失业了You mentioned you were between jobs.
915 00:35:01 所以真的很适合So it's a really good fit.
916 00:35:02 你有那么多事要处理It's so nice of you to think of me at all,
917 00:35:04 还能想到我 说实话 你太好了honestly, with everything going on in your head.
918 00:35:07 我很期待和你共事I look forward to working with you.
919 00:35:08 谢谢你Thank you.
920 00:35:12 你需要什么时候得到我的答复So, when do you need to know by?
921 00:35:16 什么 我不明白What? I don't understand.
922 00:35:18 你需要什么时候知道我是否接受你的...When do you need to know if I'm going to take your,
923 00:35:20 你的笑点工作your punchup job?
924 00:35:23 立刻Right now.
925 00:35:26 那么或许 或许Then I guess, maybe... maybe,
926 00:35:29 我拒绝no?
927 00:35:29 或许拒绝 我不确定Maybe no, I don't know.
928 00:35:31 我不确定I don't know!
929 00:35:31 国务卿女士 看来他不感兴趣You know what, Madam Secretary, he's not interested.
930 00:35:33 我们试了 结果不成功We tried, it didn't work out.
931 00:35:35 我可以给你其他写手的样稿...So I can give you some writing samples...
932 00:35:42 你有什么不确定的What don't you know?
933 00:35:44 "海洋 蜜蜂和森林"这件事This whole Seas, Bees and Trees thing.
934 00:35:47 真的会做出实业吗Is it actually going to do something?
935 00:35:49 还是会成为那种Or is it going to be one of those things
936 00:35:50 只是听起来要做实业that maybe only sounds like it's gonna do something,
937 00:35:52 但实际上什么都不做噱头but doesn't actually do something?
938 00:35:54 只有它真的会做出实业I only wanna come work for you
939 00:35:57 我才想为你工作if it's actually gonna do something.
940 00:35:58 它会做出实业It will do something.
941 00:35:59 这份协议很完美This is a perfect document.
942 00:36:01 起初都是这样 然而会逐渐打折扣They all start out that way and then they get watered down.
943 00:36:04 弗雷德Fred.
944 00:36:05 这份倡议不只听起来好Not only does this initiative sound good,
945 00:36:07 它也将做好事it's going to do good.
946 00:36:08 它将拯救地球It's gonna save the fucking planet.
947 00:36:11 更别提能让你付上房租Not to mention, pay your rent.
948 00:36:12 你加入吗So, are you in?
949 00:36:14 还是你有其它更重要的事要做Or do you have something more important to do?
950 00:36:17 比和你一起拯救地球更重要的事吗Than save the planet with you?
951 00:36:21 不 没有 我加入No, I don't. I'm in.
952 00:36:25 我们一起拯救地球吧Let's save the planet.
953 00:36:27 刚刚...That was...
954 00:36:28 发生了什么 她真有一套What just happened? She's good.
955 00:36:58 我写了几个笑话I had some jokes,
956 00:37:00 如果你有时间 我想让你看一下I was gonna run by you, maybe, if you have a second.
957 00:37:05 你在...你在看什么What are you... What are you looking at?
958 00:37:13 老天 天啊Jesus! Oh, my God!
959 00:37:14 你为什么在我睡觉时闯进来Why would you just barge in here while I'm sleeping?
960 00:37:16 你刚刚在睡觉吗 是的You were sleeping? Yes!
961 00:37:17 我在微睡眠I was micro napping.
962 00:37:19 你那么叫它吗 是的That's what you call that? Yes.
963 00:37:21 抱歉 我不知道你在睡觉Sorry, I didn't realize you were sleeping.
964 00:37:22 你就那么站着 眼睛还睁着You were standing and your eyes were open.
965 00:37:24 你有什么事吗Do you need something?
966 00:37:25 我写了几个笑话I have some jokes that I wrote
967 00:37:26 如果你有时间 想让你看一下that I was gonna run by you if you have a second.
968 00:37:28 好 我刚刚睡得真的很好Yeah, that was actually a really good nap.
969 00:37:30 很好 看起来很舒适Great. Seemed very restful.
970 00:37:32 好了Okay.
971 00:37:37 我觉得这些笑话有点激愤I feel like these jokes are a little angry.
972 00:37:40 我觉得它们是强调语气I thought maybe they were, like, emphatic?
973 00:37:42 "水力压裂钻头的每一次插入""With every fracking drill thrust,
974 00:37:44 "都是在干地球母亲的后门""We are literally buttfucking Mother Earth"?
975 00:37:47 可以是正常的干It can be normal fucking.
976 00:37:48 不一定是干后面It doesn't have to be in the butt.
977 00:37:50 我可以删除这部分I can take that part out.
978 00:37:51 好吧 听着 弗雷德Yeah, listen, Fred.
979 00:37:52 如果我愤怒 就是歇斯底里If I'm angry, I'm hysterical.
980 00:37:54 如果我多愁善感 就是软弱If I'm emotional, I'm weak.
981 00:37:55 甚至我声音大点 就是婊子If I so much as raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
982 00:37:57 我的工作很难做My job's hard.
983 00:37:58 没有我的难做Not as hard as mine.
984 00:38:00 我想 或许部分问题在于I think maybe, like, part of the problem is that, like,
985 00:38:03 大部分笑话是基于个人经历a lot of humor is based on, like, personal experiences.
986 00:38:06 我在想I was thinking, you know,
987 00:38:07 你从高中起就关心环境you cared a lot about the environment since high school.
988 00:38:10 或许可以加一些那时候的事So maybe include some stories about that.
989 00:38:14 高中吗 是的High school? Yeah.
990 00:38:17 你觉得那样会好笑吗You think that's funny?
991 00:38:18 我觉得那是不错的话题I think it's a good area.
992 00:38:20 怀旧 涉及流行文化Nostalgia, pop culture references.
993 00:38:22 人们都喜欢People love that.
994 00:38:23 吉米·法伦的整个事业都基于此Jimmy Fallon's made an entire career off of that.
995 00:38:24 说到学校 我只会想到学习When I think about school, I just think about studying.
996 00:38:27 不 你那时可不光是学习No, you did so much more than that.
997 00:38:28 我觉得1991年你竞选学生会主席时的I think your whole 1991 platform was pretty onpoint
998 00:38:31 竞选宣言就说得很到位when you were running for Student Council.
999 00:38:32 我记得你说了 "这所学校里每个人"I remember you said, "Everyone at this school
1000 00:38:35 "都假装在乎弱者""pretends to care about the underdog,
1001 00:38:37 "但地球才是最大的弱者""but the planet Earth is the biggest underdog of them all."
1002 00:38:40 类似这种Something like that.
1003 00:38:41 我说的吗I said that?
1004 00:38:42 是的 你说的Yeah, you did say that.
1005 00:38:44 你当时在厨房做披萨You were in the kitchen, making pizza.
1006 00:38:46 我们在为你的竞选制作标语We were making signs for your election.
1007 00:38:48 你穿着那件上衣And you were wearing that shirt.
1008 00:38:51 我不知道图案是草莓还是花I don't know if it was a strawberry or a flower,
1009 00:38:53 一直让我迷惑it always confused me.
1010 00:38:54 即是草莓又是花It was both.
1011 00:38:56 你想起来了There you go.
1012 00:38:57 不过那晚的事我就记得那么多That's all I remember about that night, though.
1013 00:38:59 我对那晚的记忆到那里就结束了That's where my memories concerning that evening expire.
1014 00:39:04 那次竞选让我学到了很多I learned a lot from that election.
1015 00:39:06 是啊 孩子更有可能投票赞成两场毕业舞会Yeah, that kids are probably more likely to vote for two proms
1016 00:39:09 而不是精心考量的回收项目than a very elaborate recycling program.
1017 00:39:12 不只是孩子Not only kids.
1018 00:39:14 说得没错Yeah, that's true.
1019 00:39:17 你知道他邀请我去其中一场舞会了吗Did you know he asked me out to one of those proms?
1020 00:39:20 比尔·斯特林吗 是的Bill Sterling? Yeah.
1021 00:39:22 在他打败你之后After he beat you?
1022 00:39:23 对 第一场还是第二场Yup. Prom one or prom two?
1023 00:39:27 真是人渣 第二场舞会配不上你What a fuckhead! You're way better than prom two.
1024 00:39:31 顺带一提 我一场舞会都没参加I went to zero proms, by the way, for the record.
1025 00:39:34 就此来说你才是最明智的I think you're the smart one in this situation.
1026 00:39:36 没错 所以我没参加舞会Yes, that's why I didn't go to prom.
1027 00:39:38 因为我太明智了'Cause I was too smart.
1028 00:39:44 好 我继续去写演讲稿Cool. I'll get to work on that speech stuff.
1029 00:39:47 好Great.
1030 00:39:48 弗雷德Fred.
1031 00:39:49 什么事Yeah.
1032 00:39:51 如果你想写一些笑话之外的东西You know, if you want to try some nonjoke stuff,
1033 00:39:54 尽管写just go ahead.
1034 00:39:54 真的吗 比如演讲稿的主体部分吗Really? Like the main part of the speech?
1035 00:39:57 是的 写吧Yeah. Just write.
1036 00:40:01 好 太棒了 谢谢Cool. Awesome. Thanks.
1037 00:40:03 如果你再微睡眠If you take another nap,
1038 00:40:04 你应该戴个自行车头盔之类的you should put on, like, a bicycle helmet or something.
1039 00:40:06 因为你可能会摔倒 有气流颠簸'Cause you're gonna tip over, there's turbulence.
1040 00:40:08 这个主意挺不错的That's actually a really good idea.
1041 00:40:09 确实是 我希望你小心点It is. I want you to be careful.
1042 00:40:11 好的 我们需要你Yeah. We need you.
1043 00:40:16 斯德哥尔摩
1044 00:40:29 大使 欢迎来到瑞典Ambassador. Welcome to Sweden.
1045 00:40:31 很高兴再次见到你Nice to see you again.
1046 00:40:31 我也是Yeah, you too.
1047 00:40:35 我很期待今晚晚宴时见到你I look forward to seeing you tonight at dinner.
1048 00:40:36 是的Yes.
1049 00:40:38 国务卿女士Madam Secretary,
1050 00:40:39 我有一些主意想让你听听I have some ideas I wanna throw by you.
1051 00:40:40 我一会就听 弗雷德Yeah, soon, Fred.
1052 00:40:41 汤姆 日程安排在你那吗Tom, do you have the schedule?
1053 00:40:42 是的 女士 好Yes, of course, ma'am. All right.
1054 00:40:47 坐后面 弗拉斯基In the back, Flarsky!
1055 00:40:50 八点十五 你要为晚宴试衣Then at 8:15, you have a fitting for tonight's gala.
1056 00:40:52 八点四十五 和伊拉克总理马萨姆通话Then at 8:45, a call with Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,
1057 00:40:55 九点十五 致电巴西总统特梅尔9:15, a call to Brazilian President Temer
1058 00:40:57 谈论乱砍滥伐问题about deforestation issues.
1059 00:40:58 两点十五 和英国外交大臣格林通话2:15, you have a call with U.K. Foreign Secretary Green
1060 00:41:01 讨论几周后你访问苏格兰一事to discuss your tour of Scotland in a few weeks.
1061 00:41:03 两点二十五 和《纽约时报》通话2:25, then you have a call with New York Times
1062 00:41:05 评论总统最近在图享网to comment on POTUS' latest Instagram attack
1063 00:41:08 对喀什塔总理巴拉斯的攻击on Prime Minister Bharath of Kashtar.
1064 00:41:10 五点四十五 我们要见5:45, we're meeting with
1065 00:41:11 瑞典外交礼节大臣英格丽德·米纳伍多特the head of Sweden's Diplomatic Protocol, ingrid Minervudottir,
1066 00:41:14 谈论今晚的安排to discuss tonight's schedule.
1067 00:41:15 好的 那之后呢Okay. And then after that?
1068 00:41:16 还有 帕克·温布利一直想Also, Parker Wembley keeps trying to get
1069 00:41:18 和你见面 天啊some face time with you. Oh, God.
1070 00:41:19 让帕克等着吧 好了 弗雷德 说Parker can wait. Okay, Fred. Go.
1071 00:41:21 好的Yeah, sure.
1072 00:41:23 根据我们昨晚的谈话So, you know, based on what we were talking about last night,
1073 00:41:27 我基本上尝试写了整篇演讲稿I just took a stab at the whole speech, basically.
1074 00:41:31 很不错That's good.
1075 00:41:32 谢谢 这段不行Thank you. This part isn't.
1076 00:41:35 好吧 你说不想听起来太气愤Okay, well, you said you didn't want to sound too angry.
1077 00:41:37 我也不想听起来像大脑受损I also don't want to sound like I have a head injury.
1078 00:41:40 好的 我去改一下Okay. I'll go change it.
1079 00:41:42 很好 谢谢Great. Thanks.
1080 00:41:43 好了 我们开始Okay, here we go.
1081 00:41:46 那么So...
1082 00:41:47 好吧All right.
1083 00:41:50 弗雷德Fred.
1084 00:41:51 什么事Yeah?
1085 00:41:51 你今晚有成熟点的衣服可以穿吗Do you have any grownup clothes to wear tonight?
1086 00:41:58 我本来准备Okay, I was gonna...
1087 00:41:59 我想着把拉链拉到顶 到这里I was thinking of zipping this up all the way, like to here.
1088 00:42:02 那样会更...That's kind of a little more...
1089 00:42:03 稍微更严实一点It's, like, slightly more buttoned up.
1090 00:42:04 这样吧 国务卿女士You know what, Madam Secretary,
1091 00:42:05 我很乐意帮弗雷德为晚宴着装I would be delighted to dress Fred for tonight.
1092 00:42:09 谢谢你 玛吉Thank you, Maggie.
1093 00:42:10 我很乐意你帮我为晚宴着装I'd be thrilled to have you dress me for tonight's event.
1094 00:42:13 多么有趣的冒险What a fun adventure.
1095 00:42:14 打扮一下 好了 祝你们愉快Get a little makeover. All right, have a good one.
1096 00:42:16 谢谢你 弗雷德Thank you, Fred.
1097 00:42:17 应该我谢你Why, thank you.
1098 00:42:18 然后就是打招呼...and then it's saying hello,
1099 00:42:19 你坐下 我们吃晚餐you'll sit down, we'll have dinner,
1100 00:42:21 我叫你起来 弗拉斯基在哪儿I'll pull you up... Where's Flarsky?
1101 00:42:22 我们还在等什么Why are we waiting?
1102 00:42:24 怎么 他在做发型吗What, is he doing his hair?
1103 00:42:29 搞什么What the...
1104 00:42:35 你他妈穿的是什么What the fuck are you wearing?
1105 00:42:37 这是她给我买的 好吗She bought me this shit. Okay?
1106 00:42:39 这是传统的瑞典正装It's a traditional Swedish suit.
1107 00:42:41 我没见到这里任何一个瑞典人I don't see another fucking Swede up in here
1108 00:42:43 这么穿的dressed like this.
1109 00:42:45 时间这么短我已经尽力了It's all I could do on such short notice.
1110 00:42:47 把外套脱了 会好一点You just take the jacket off, it's going to make it better.
1111 00:42:49 会好一点...天哪It's just... Make it look... Oh, my God.
1112 00:42:56 还是穿着外套好点 行吧Better with the jacket on? Great.
1113 00:42:58 我明白 你们欺负新来的 去死吧 玛吉Razzing the new guy, I get it. Fuck you, Maggie.
1114 00:43:00 冷静点Calm the Smurf down.
1115 00:43:01 下次带件像样的正装来Bring a fucking suit next time.
1116 00:43:08 你喜欢这篇演讲稿吗Do you like the speech?
1117 00:43:09 是的 演讲稿很棒Yes, the speech is good.
1118 00:43:10 你必须离我远点 弗雷德You're going to have to stay way back there, Fred.
1119 00:43:12 退后 弗拉斯基 好吗 她需要专注Just stay back, Flarsky. Okay? She's got to focus.
1120 00:43:14 专注干什么On what?
1121 00:43:15 让印度和中国同意Getting India and China to agree
1122 00:43:17 加入这项倡议to be a part of this initiative.
1123 00:43:18 他们还没同意加入倡议They haven't even agreed to be a part of it yet?
1124 00:43:20 他们会同意的 我们只需再落实一些细节They will, we just have to sort out a few details.
1125 00:43:22 我们刚刚才写了一篇演讲稿We just wrote a whole speech
1126 00:43:23 谈论他们都加入了倡议about how they're onboard already.
1127 00:43:25 别担心 弗雷德Don't worry, Fred.
1128 00:43:27 你就留在这里You just stay here and
1129 00:43:28 确保糖果乐园来的人车都停好了 好吗make sure nobody from Candy Land needs their car parked, okay?
1130 00:43:28 赛车桌游
1131 00:43:32 你还要写手干什么I don't know why you needed a writer.
1132 00:43:33 你这讽刺水平一百级Those are sick burns.
1133 00:43:36 美国国务卿Secretary of State Charlotte Field
1134 00:43:38 夏洛特·菲尔德of the United States of America.
1135 00:43:43 王后陛下 公主殿下Your Majesty. Your Highness.
1136 00:43:45 王子殿下 幸会Your Highness. Pleasure.
1137 00:43:56 不了 谢谢 我在工作No, thank you. I'm working right now.
1138 00:43:58 你知道你也在工作And you know you are, too.
1139 00:44:01 我的确知道I do know that.
1140 00:44:02 但你把我打扮的像麦片盒上的嘎嘣脆船长But you dressed me like Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,
1141 00:44:04 所以我要喝点酒让你也不爽一下so I'm going to drink to make you uncomfortable.
1142 00:44:07 说实话 弗雷德 你的存在就让我不爽Honestly, Fred, your entire life makes me uncomfortable.
1143 00:44:13 不是吧 我操Oh no, fuck me.
1144 00:44:16 是的Yes.
1145 00:44:18 看来我们是在同一个神秘村落购物的We both shop in the same mystical village, I see.
1146 00:44:23 是的 你看起来很棒Yes, you look great.
1147 00:44:24 祝贺你 干杯Congratulations. Skal.
1148 00:44:25 干杯 你也干杯Skal. Skal to you, too.
1149 00:44:28 是的Yes.
1150 00:44:33 天哪Jesus.
1151 00:44:36 我们要对演讲稿做一些修改We're making a few revisions to the speech.
1152 00:44:39 什么What?
1153 00:44:39 要把"海洋"的部分删除 你去做删减So we're losing the "Seas" part, so go cut that,
1154 00:44:42 然后再为"森林"的部分and then brainstorm a couple of other funny lines
1155 00:44:44 头脑风暴几个段子 好吗for the "Trees" section, okay?
1156 00:44:45 等等 等等 等等 等等Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1157 00:44:46 删除海洋的部分 为什么Losing the Seas part, why?
1158 00:44:49 因为印度不接受 所以必须灵活变通Because India wouldn't go for it. So we had to pivot.
1159 00:44:51 这才不叫灵活变通That's not a pivot,
1160 00:44:51 这他妈是倡议的三分之一that's a third of the whole fucking shit.
1161 00:44:53 你开玩笑吗 就这么删了Are you kidding me? That's it, it's just gone?
1162 00:44:56 是的 删了Yeah, it's gone.
1163 00:44:57 我们什么都不能做吗And there's nothing we can do?
1164 00:44:58 不能 你也不必担心No. And you don't have to worry about it.
1165 00:44:59 只要打开电脑 开始打字就行了Just go over to the computer. Start typeytyping.
1166 00:45:03 不行Well, no.
1167 00:45:05 我不干I'm not gonna do that.
1168 00:45:06 那你就是不干了 接受辞职So you quit, resignation accepted.
1169 00:45:08 我来重写演讲稿I will rewrite the speech.
1170 00:45:10 你他妈想得美The fuck you will!
1171 00:45:11 搞什么What the fuck?
1172 00:45:21 你不能 放手You don't... Let go!
1173 00:45:31 小心 借过Look out. Excuse me!
1174 00:45:32 别跑了 别跑了 别跑了Stop running! Stop running! Stop running!
1175 00:45:34 弗雷德 别跑了Fred, stop running!
1176 00:45:38 弗雷德Fred...
1177 00:45:44 你为什么要那样做Why did you do that?
1178 00:45:45 因为我不会让你破坏Because I will not have you damage
1179 00:45:47 我的作品的节操the integrity of my writing!
1180 00:45:48 你的作品的节操The integrity of your writing?
1181 00:45:50 美国传奇作家诗人 黑人民权运动家
1182 00:45:50 你是写笑点的 又不是马娅·安杰卢You're a punchup writer, you're not Maya Angelou!
1183 00:45:53 怎么回事What is going on?
1184 00:45:54 你怎么回事 哥们What's going on with you, bruh?
1185 00:45:56 你刚刚是叫我"哥们"吗Did you just call me "bruh"?
1186 00:45:57 她可是国务卿 他嗑药了吗She's the secretary of state. Is he high?
1187 00:45:59 他喝醉了 不过他本来就很蠢He is wasted, but he's also just stupid.
1188 00:46:01 去会议室等我 交给我处理Meet me in the conference room, I'll handle this.
1189 00:46:06 你想怎样 弗雷德What's the deal, Fred?
1190 00:46:07 我想怎样 我想怎眼 你说什么What's the deal? What's the deal? What are you...
1191 00:46:10 我来这里的唯一原因 就是你告诉我The only reason I'm here is 'cause you told me
1192 00:46:12 你在乎这些鬼东西you cared about this shit,
1193 00:46:14 结果我出去抽根烟的功夫and in the time I come out here to have a smoke,
1194 00:46:16 你就把倡议里关键的一部分删除了you fucking got rid of a massive element of the whole thing.
1195 00:46:19 三个里面还剩两个 我只删除了一个I got two out of three. I only lost one.
1196 00:46:22 这一个可是海洋啊That one was the seas.
1197 00:46:25 海洋覆盖地球表面75%It covers 75% of the planet!
1198 00:46:28 很大的一部分 声音小点It's a pretty big one! Bring down your voice.
1199 00:46:30 知道我为什么生气吗You know why I'm upset?
1200 00:46:31 因为我早就知道会发生这种事This is exactly what I thought was going to happen.
1201 00:46:33 这话我甚至说过 在你办公室里说的And I even said it. I said it in your office.
1202 00:46:35 我不想给什么狗屁政治家当笔杆子I don't want to write for some bullshit politician.
1203 00:46:38 我想为你而写I wanted to write for you.
1204 00:46:39 因为我觉得你在乎这些鬼东西Because I thought you cared about this shit.
1205 00:46:41 在你成为规则制定者前 你都要遵守规则Until you're running the game, you have to play the game.
1206 00:46:44 那么等你赢得比赛的时候Well, then, by the time you win the game,
1207 00:46:46 你都不知道是谁在谁网里触地得分you don't know who's scoring touchdowns on whose nets,
1208 00:46:49 不知道是谁在谁的球门区and you don't know who's hitting home runs
1209 00:46:51 击出了本垒打in whose fucking end zones!
1210 00:46:52 你在说什么鬼话 我不懂体育What are you talking about? I don't know sports.
1211 00:46:54 我用食物重新说一遍Let me try it with food.
1212 00:46:55 你想开个餐馆 但是你只有筷子You wanna open a restaurant. But all you got is chopsticks.
1213 00:46:57 不 我没时间跟你胡扯 好吗No! I don't have time for this, okay?
1214 00:47:00 如果你不想干了 那就辞职吧If you want to quit, then just fucking quit.
1215 00:47:03 我不在乎 是啊 你不在乎I don't give a shit. Yeah, you don't give a shit.
1216 00:47:04 对 我不在乎 你以前会在乎的No, I don't. You used to fucking give a shit,
1217 00:47:06 但现在你什么都不在乎了but now you don't give a shit about anything.
1218 00:47:08 你高中的时候更在乎垃圾回收You cared more about recycling in high school
1219 00:47:09 而不是现在做的这些破事 我很失望than you do this shit and it's very disappointing to me.
1220 00:47:13 去你的 我还要去演讲Fuck this. I've got a speech to give.
1221 00:47:15 是吗 那就祝你好运吧Oh, yeah, good luck giving it,
1222 00:47:16 稿子在雪地中我的电脑里it's on my computer in the snow.
1223 00:47:18 我有存档 你这个蠢货I have copies, you idiot.
1224 00:47:19 你只不过是把自己的电脑扔进雪地了而已You just threw your computer in the snow, that's it.
1225 00:47:23 不 该死No! Shit!
1226 00:47:27 该死的God damn it!
1227 00:47:28 浸湿了 我需要一碗米It's soaked! I need a bowl of rice!
1228 00:47:31 我需要一大碗米I need a big bowl of rice!
1229 00:47:34 该死的 我为什么没有备份God damn it! Why didn't I back this thing up?
1230 00:47:37 我的东西都在这里All my shit's on here.
1231 00:47:49 弗雷德 看啊Fred. Look.
1232 00:48:00 我从没见过这样的景象I've never seen anything like that.
1233 00:48:04 是的 我...No, I...
1234 00:48:06 我看过照片 但我从没...I've seen pictures of it, but I never...
1235 00:48:09 真正...actually...
1236 00:48:12 从没亲眼见过I never saw it.
1237 00:48:15 你是在哭吗Are you crying right now?
1238 00:48:18 真美It's pretty.
1239 00:48:23 是啊Yeah.
1240 00:48:27 弗雷德Fred?
1241 00:48:28 什么事Yeah?
1242 00:48:31 如果你再跟我闹这一出If you ever pull some shit like that again,
1243 00:48:33 我就把你扔进关塔那摩监狱I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.
1244 00:48:37 遵命 国务卿女士 对不起Yes, Madam Secretary. I'm sorry.
1245 00:48:40 你最好祈祷这次演讲大获成功You better hope this fucking speech goes over well.
1246 00:48:46 我往往会被弱者吸引I've often gravitated toward the underdog.
1247 00:48:50 一群不合群的人反抗霸凌The band of misfits who fight back against the bullies.
1248 00:48:54 高中时 我经常谈起弱者In high school, I would talk about the underdog a lot.
1249 00:48:59 我总是站在临时演讲台上And I would often find myself on a soapbox,
1250 00:49:01 没完没了地抱怨世界的不公rambling on and on about the injustices of the world.
1251 00:49:08 这会让你很受欢迎Which makes you extremely popular,
1252 00:49:11 尤其是在人人都更想去看especially when everybody would rather be watching
1253 00:49:13 《飞跃比佛利》的年代Beverly Hills, 90210.
1254 00:49:19 但正因为如此 我很高兴能宣布But that is why I am happy to announce
1255 00:49:22 一项会让十六岁的自己骄傲的倡议an initiative that would make my 16yearold self proud.
1256 00:49:25 这场演讲现在被称为是"弱者演讲"In what is now being dubbed "The Underdog Speech,"
1257 00:49:25 夏洛特·菲尔德敞开心扉
1258 00:49:28 国务卿与大家分享了自己的童年the secretary of state opened up about her childhood
1259 00:49:30 以及对环境问题的热忱and passion for the environment
1260 00:49:32 她宣布了一项大胆的新倡议by announcing a bold new initiative...
1261 00:49:34 《飞跃比佛利》女主角 娇生惯养的恶毒少女
1262 00:49:34 原来她虽然有着凯利·泰勒的外表...turns out she has always been an Andrea Zuckerman
1263 00:49:35 国务卿菲尔德展现柔软的一面
1264 00:49:37 《飞跃比佛利》女主角 不善交际但见解深刻
1265 00:49:37 但内心却是安德里亚·扎克曼in the body of a Kelly Taylor.
1266 00:49:44 你把脖子上的胡须刮了You shaved your neck.
1267 00:49:46 是的 全刮掉了I did. I cleaned it up.
1268 00:49:47 背上的也是 一路向下Got my whole back. Went all the way down.
1269 00:49:49 看上去不错Looks good.
1270 00:49:50 我想给人留下好印象 总之Trying to make a good impression, I guess, anyway...
1271 00:49:52 我I, uh...
1272 00:49:54 我只是想再次向你道歉I just wanted to apologize to you, again,
1273 00:49:58 我之前有点发疯了for acting a little crazy, you know.
1274 00:50:01 我会I'm gonna...
1275 00:50:03 我会努力保持低调I'm going to really try to tone it down
1276 00:50:04 不让你在全球人民面前丢脸and not, you know, make you risk global, uh, humiliation.
1277 00:50:08 好的 很好Good. Great.
1278 00:50:10 还有Also.
1279 00:50:11 我搜索了演讲稿写作I googled speech writing
1280 00:50:12 结果其实很有教育意义and it was actually very informative.
1281 00:50:14 我学到了What I learned
1282 00:50:15 为了能更好地为你写作was that in order to write better for you,
1283 00:50:17 我应该加深对你的了解 了解你的想法I should kinda get to know you better and get in your head,
1284 00:50:19 我已经把目前我对你的了解and everything I already know about you,
1285 00:50:21 都用在第一篇演讲稿里了I kinda used on the first speech.
1286 00:50:22 所以我想了个办法So, what I did
1287 00:50:24 我写了一大堆问题was I wrote a ton of questions
1288 00:50:25 这些问题也许能帮我更好地表述你的观点that will maybe help me capture your voice,
1289 00:50:27 如果你能腾出一分钟的话if you have a minute.
1290 00:50:28 其实我有七分钟时间I actually have seven.
1291 00:50:30 七分钟 棒极了 我就要七分钟Seven. Okay, great. Yeah. I'll take it.
1292 00:50:32 好的 天堂的七分钟All right. Seven minutes in heaven.
1293 00:50:35 好了 那么 我想Okay. So. Ah... I guess...
1294 00:50:37 比如 你喜欢什么Just like... What are you into?
1295 00:50:38 你喜欢什么玩意What kind of shit you into?
1296 00:50:40 差不多就这些玩意Well, this is pretty much it.
1297 00:50:41 国务卿的这些玩意I mean, secretary of state stuff.
1298 00:50:43 你有爱好吗 什么都行 看电视吗Do you have any hobbies? Anything? Do you watch TV?
1299 00:50:45 你看《权力的游戏》之类的吗Do you watch Game of Thrones or anything like that?
1300 00:50:47 我完全清楚每一季I'm fully aware of what happened
1301 00:50:48 都发生了什么in every season of Game of Thrones.
1302 00:50:50 因为你看了吗Because you watch it?
1303 00:50:52 因为我看了每集的梗概Because I read synopses on every episode.
1304 00:50:54 那样不行的That can't actually work.
1305 00:50:56 我简直不敢相信卡丽熙的龙I couldn't believe when Khaleesi's dragon
1306 00:50:58 变成异鬼回来了came back as a White Walker.
1307 00:51:01 看吧 那电影呢See? What about movies?
1308 00:51:02 你看电影吗Do you watch movies?
1309 00:51:03 看各大奖项提名电影的梗概Synopses of all the award contenders.
1310 00:51:06 你以前可喜欢看电影了You used to love movies!
1311 00:51:07 1992年电影地震后发现的冰块中 沉睡野人苏醒了
1312 00:51:07 你逼我看了三十遍《沉睡野人》You made me watch Encino Man 30 times.
1313 00:51:09 "喝点饮料吧""Wheeze a little juice!"
1314 00:51:12 在人类模仿保利·肖尔的历史上You still do the worst Pauly Shore impression
1315 00:51:14 你是最不像的那个in the history of mankind.
1316 00:51:16 你居然还在模仿"黄鼠狼"保利·肖尔I can't believe you're still doing "The Weasel"
1317 00:51:18 而且你没看过任何的漫威电影and you haven't seen any of the Marvel Universe.
1318 00:51:19 那些电影超棒的 你的时间仿佛冻结了Those movies are sick. You're like frozen in time.
1319 00:51:23 我就是沉睡野人I am Encino Man.
1320 00:51:26 好吧 小时候你最爱的书是哪本All right, what is your favorite book as a kid?
1321 00:51:29 《绒布小兔子》 你呢The Velveteen Rabbit. You?
1322 00:51:31 《赌城风情画》Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
1323 00:51:31 河内
1324 00:51:32 怪不得你变成这样 嗯That explains a lot. Yeah.
1325 00:51:36 很抱歉我们对贵国的所作所为I'm so sorry for what we've done to you.
1326 00:51:39 最好的嗑药经历Best drug experience?
1327 00:51:40 我随时有可能被召去I could get summoned at any moment
1328 00:51:42 应对国际危机to deal with an international crisis,
1329 00:51:44 磕了迷幻药还怎么去I can't do that on acid.
1330 00:51:45 那摇头丸呢What about Molly?
1331 00:51:47 莫莉是谁Who's Molly?
1332 00:51:49 国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德Secretary of State Charlotte Field
1333 00:51:49 巴塞罗那
1334 00:51:50 继续其令人惊叹的二十国之旅continues on her impressive 20country world tour
1335 00:51:52 气候峰会将至美国气候协议势头强劲
1336 00:51:54 为她雄心勃勃的to garner more support
1337 00:51:55 环保倡议争取更多的支持for her ambitious environmental initiative.
1338 00:51:57 全程私人飞机 一点也不环保And all in a private jet, no less.
1339 00:51:57 菲尔德浪费时间
1340 00:51:59 你知道什么能拯救环境吗You know what would save the environment?
1341 00:52:00 夏洛特·菲尔德闭门不出就可以Charlotte Field grounding her ass.
1342 00:52:02 我知道我希望她在哪里闭门不出I know where I'd like to ground her ass.
1343 00:52:05 这个烂梗是我自找的I walked right into that one.
1344 00:52:06 里斯本
1345 00:52:06 罗克塞特乐队的《那一定是爱》Must Have Been Love by Roxette.
1346 00:52:10 那首歌超带感 对吧That's just fucking hot. Right?
1347 00:52:11 我又想起一首 什么I got a new one. What?
1348 00:52:12 我得换一首最喜欢的歌I got to change my favorite song.
1349 00:52:13 你换了多少次了 只换了几次You have too many. I've done it a few times.
1350 00:52:15 D.R.A.M.和小船哥一起合唱的《西蓝花》Broccoli by D.R.A.M., featuring Lil Yachty.
1351 00:52:19 这堆词是一首歌的名字吗 没错All those words are the name of a song? Yeah.
1352 00:52:22 我觉得我没有过那种经历I don't really think I have one.
1353 00:52:23 你肯定有 每个人都有You gotta have one. Everyone has one.
1354 00:52:25 我没那么容易感到尴尬Well, I don't embarrass that easily.
1355 00:52:27 我知道 我也不太容易感到尴尬Yeah, I hear that. I don't either, really.
1356 00:52:29 才不是呢 就是Yes, you do. No, I don't!
1357 00:52:31 天哪 好吧Oh, my God. Okay.
1358 00:52:34 你最喜欢的体位是什么What's your favorite sexual position?
1359 00:52:38 就是 那个 面对面I mean, you know, front.
1360 00:52:40 正常体位 正常的面对面 天哪Normal. Front facing normal. Oh, my God.
1361 00:52:42 这是什么问题 一个问题你就尴尬了What kinda question is that? That's all it took.
1362 00:52:43 看看你Look at you.
1363 00:52:44 那你最喜欢的体位是什么Well, what's your favorite sexual position?
1364 00:52:47 别恶心了 弗雷德 你也会尴尬吧Don't be gross, Fred. Yeah, see?
1365 00:52:49 你最喜欢的体位是什么What's your favorite sexual position?
1366 00:52:52 太复杂了 解释不清It's too complicated to explain.
1367 00:52:54 一定要说吗 我跟你说了我的Really? I told you mine.
1368 00:52:57 天哪 好吧Oh, God, okay.
1369 00:52:59 那次我刚从新德里回来I just got back from a trip to New Delhi.
1370 00:53:01 然后呢Yeah?
1371 00:53:02 我被叫去参加参谋长联席会议I got called into a meeting with the Joint Chiefs,
1372 00:53:04 我有点紧张and I was a little nervous.
1373 00:53:06 嗯 嗯Yeah. Yeah.
1374 00:53:08 而且吃了很多咖喱 肚子有点不舒服And my stomach was a little weird from all the curry.
1375 00:53:12 不是吧Oh, no.
1376 00:53:14 在德里吃坏肚子Delhi belly.
1377 00:53:17 我们在车队里 不能停车Well, we were in a motorcade and we couldn't stop.
1378 00:53:21 不是吧Oh, no.
1379 00:53:23 老天God...
1380 00:53:25 我毁了一只非常漂亮的杜嘉班纳包I ruined a really nice Dolce & Gabbana bag.
1381 00:53:29 你吐在里面了 不是吐You puked in it? Nope.
1382 00:53:31 不是吧 在行驶中的车里Oh, no! In a moving vehicle?
1383 00:53:34 莫斯科
1384 00:53:37 你真看得懂剧情在讲什么吗Do you actually understand what's happening right now?
1385 00:53:39 看得懂 我会俄语Yes, I speak Russian.
1386 00:53:42 神盾局局长尼克·弗瑞扮演者
1387 00:53:42 俄罗斯版的塞缪尔·杰克逊酷毙了The Russian Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.
1388 00:53:44 再见了 混蛋们Do svidanya, motherfuckers!
1389 00:53:51 天哪 他们开枪打死了独眼海盗Oh, my God, they just shot the pirate guy!
1390 00:53:54 但他是团队的主心骨But he's keeping the team together.
1391 00:53:55 我知道I know.
1392 00:53:56 我觉得我接受不了I don't think I can handle that.
1393 00:53:57 没关系的 有关系It's okay. No,
1394 00:53:59 我真的很喜欢这个角色I really liked him in the movie.
1395 00:54:00 别担心 继续看就是了Don't worry, just keep watching.
1396 00:54:02 马尼拉
1397 00:54:02 菲律宾被恶意抹黑了You know, the Philippines gets a bad rap.
1398 00:54:04 你看这里多棒啊Because it's pretty nice here.
1399 00:54:06 根本看不出内战就要爆发了You'd never know civil war was about to break out.
1400 00:54:09 写得很好This is good.
1401 00:54:10 是吗 是的Oh, yeah? Yeah.
1402 00:54:12 如果我们以这句话作为开头怎么样What if we use this line to start with?
1403 00:54:16 我要用我十六岁时Yeah, "I'm going to start this speech
1404 00:54:17 在百视达影音店跟我老板讲过的话by saying the same thing I said to my boss
1405 00:54:19 来开始我的演讲at Blockbuster Video when I was 16.
1406 00:54:22 我不干了I quit."
1407 00:54:23 不错嘛 我很喜欢That's not bad. I love that.
1408 00:54:25 写得真是太棒了This is really fucking good.
1409 00:54:27 瞧瞧 你懂我啊 弗雷德Look at you, you get me, Fred.
1410 00:54:29 我完全懂你I totally get you.
1411 00:54:32 ? 我最想要的生日礼物 ?? All I want for my birthday ?
1412 00:54:32 Birthday Song (feat. Kanye West) 2 Chainz
1413 00:54:33 ? 就是一个大美臀 ?? Is a big booty ho ?
1414 00:54:35 ? 我最想要的生日礼物 ?? All I want for my birthday... ?
1415 00:54:37 我给你听了那么多I couldn't be happier that out of all the shit
1416 00:54:38 过去十年间的烂歌I played you from the last decade,
1417 00:54:40 你最喜欢的是双链大师 我太高兴了that what you've liked the most is 2 Chainz.
1418 00:54:42 朗朗上口 这是神曲It's catchy. It's awesome.
1419 00:54:49 话说 你在和加拿大总理交往吗So, are you, like, dating the prime minister of Canada?
1420 00:54:54 没有 没有 没有No. No. No.
1421 00:54:56 我好像看过...我看过I feel like I read... Did I read that
1422 00:54:58 某个小报上说你们在交往in some shitty tabloid that you guys were dating?
1423 00:55:00 也许不是真的 你应该没看错Maybe it's not true. No, I'm sure you did. It's...
1424 00:55:02 他们喜欢炒作这个 但是没有 我They like to write about it, but no. I...
1425 00:55:05 我们没有...我们只是调情We're not, we... We flirt.
1426 00:55:08 好吧 差不多是这样Yeah. Okay. Kind of.
1427 00:55:10 很奇怪 我们亲热过一次It's weird. We made out once.
1428 00:55:13 厉害Dope.
1429 00:55:15 是你问的You asked.
1430 00:55:16 没事 我也和很多世界领导人有过一腿No, hey! I've hooked up with my fair share of world leaders, too.
1431 00:55:20 我和菲德尔·卡斯特罗玩过双吹I 69'd Fidel Castro once.
1432 00:55:20 古巴领导人
1433 00:55:23 别以为他只有胡子浓密而已You thought his beard was big.
1434 00:55:26 但你的感情生活怎么样呢But how does that work with you? Do you, like...
1435 00:55:29 你和人交往吗Do you, like, date?
1436 00:55:33 我和人交往Yeah. I date.
1437 00:55:36 一般情况下Generally, you know,
1438 00:55:37 都是找和我生活方式类似的人with people who have similar lifestyles to me.
1439 00:55:40 经常出差的人People who travel a lot.
1440 00:55:44 很难维持一段感情It's hard to keep those things alive. I...
1441 00:55:49 谁会心甘情愿跟着我满世界跑I mean, who wants to follow me around the world
1442 00:55:51 我能抽出五分钟时间来亲热就心满意足呢and hope I have five minutes to be affectionate?
1443 00:55:54 是啊 说实话Yeah. And honestly,
1444 00:55:56 男人其实不愿意guys don't really want to date women
1445 00:55:57 和比自己更有权势的女人交往who are more powerful than them.
1446 00:55:59 他们觉得自己愿意 但是They think they do, but...
1447 00:56:02 这是老二软化剂It's a dick shriveller.
1448 00:56:05 迪克·软化剂可是我最喜欢的蝙蝠侠反派Dick Shriveller is my favorite Batman villain though.
1449 00:56:08 所以So...
1450 00:56:11 你要问问我为什么单身吗You gonna ask why I'm still single?
1451 00:56:13 不 我懂的No, I get it.
1452 00:56:16 合情合理 一目了然It makes sense. Yeah. It adds up.
1453 00:56:28 我们正对着窗户We're right in front of the window.
1454 00:56:31 到底怎么回事What the fuck is happening?
1455 00:56:32 叛乱分子在和军队交战Insurgents are fighting the army.
1456 00:56:34 我们有危险吗 有 有Are we in danger? Yes! Yes!
1457 00:56:36 国务卿女士 我们要立即撤离Madam Secretary, we need to leave now!
1458 00:56:38 操Fuck!
1459 00:56:39 这边走This way!
1460 00:56:41 好了 各位 跟我来All right, guys, come with me.
1461 00:56:44 快Come on.
1462 00:57:10 国务卿菲尔德 这边走Secretary Field, this way!
1463 00:57:11 我保护她 去抬他们I got her, secure them!
1464 00:57:14 这边走This way.
1465 00:57:18 这里是安全的You'll be safe in here.
1466 00:57:22 我操 你没事吧Fuck! Are you okay?
1467 00:57:23 我没事 你没事吧Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?
1468 00:57:24 我没事 我们没事 那就好I'm okay. Yeah. We're okay. Okay.
1469 00:57:26 好 好 我靠Okay. Okay. Okay. Holy shit!
1470 00:57:32 我们差点就死了We could have just died.
1471 00:57:33 天啊 我有点吓疯了Oh, my God, I'm freaking out a bit right now.
1472 00:57:36 我有点喘不上气I'm having a hard time catching my breath a little bit.
1473 00:57:38 你好像一点也不害怕You don't seem like you're freaking out very much.
1474 00:57:39 我害怕 我在用海豹突击队的呼吸法I am! I'm employing a Navy SEAL breathing technique,
1475 00:57:42 来应对恐慌反应for dealing with panicking.
1476 00:57:44 需要九十秒时间才能起效It's just gonna take about 90 seconds to work.
1477 00:57:46 九十秒 我需要的远不止九十秒90 seconds? I need more than fucking 90 seconds!
1478 00:57:49 我需要九十年I need 90 fucking years!
1479 00:57:50 我的精神创伤一辈子都好不了了I'm fucked up for life from this shit, yo!
1480 00:57:53 我有很多遗憾 做了那么多坏事I have so many regrets, did so many terrible things!
1481 00:57:56 十二岁时When I was 12,
1482 00:57:57 我为了取悦一个大孩子 在狗身上撒尿了I peed on a dog to impress an older kid.
1483 00:58:00 那条狗不喜欢 那个大孩子也不喜欢The dog didn't like it. The older kid didn't either!
1484 00:58:03 根本毫无意义It was just pointless.
1485 00:58:04 搞什么What the fuck?
1486 00:58:05 我靠 操Holy shit! Fuck!
1487 00:58:09 还有吗 还会有吗Is there more? Is there gonna be more?
1488 00:58:11 弗雷德 还有吗Fred. Is there more?
1489 00:58:12 你必须冷静下来You're gonna have to calm down.
1490 00:58:13 我冷静不了I don't think I can.
1491 00:58:15 跟我一起坐下来Sit down with me.
1492 00:58:16 深呼吸And breathe.
1493 00:58:18 四秒吸气Four seconds in.
1494 00:58:20 四秒呼气Four seconds out.
1495 00:58:22 四秒吸气Four seconds in.
1496 00:58:23 一 二 三 四One, two, three, four...
1497 00:58:25 四秒呼气 一 二 三 四Four seconds out. One, two, three, four...
1498 00:58:27 四秒吸气 一 二 三 四Four seconds in. One, two, three, four...
1499 00:58:30 呼吸时不必数数You don't have to count while you're doing this.
1500 00:58:32 四 这样对我有帮助...four. It helps me.
1501 00:58:33 一 二 三 四 就这样One, two, three, four... There you go.
1502 00:58:36 一 二 三 四One, two, three, four.
1503 00:58:39 一 二 三 四One, two, three, four.
1504 00:58:42 一 二 三 四One, two, three, four.
1505 00:58:45 你做到了 真的有用You got it. That actually works.
1506 00:58:48 海豹突击队真厉害Those guys are good.
1507 00:58:54 但是我们差点死掉了We did almost just die, though.
1508 00:58:55 我们真的差点死掉了We actually did almost die.
1509 00:58:57 嗯 谢天谢地Yeah. Oh, thank God.
1510 00:58:58 你这么说我感觉好些了That actually makes me feel better.
1511 00:59:00 就是说我没有反应过激Means I didn't overreact.
1512 00:59:01 天啊 你绝对反应过激了Oh, God, no, you completely overreacted.
1513 00:59:04 也许吧Yeah, maybe.
1514 00:59:08 和你一起死在这里I can think of worse ways to go
1515 00:59:11 也不算太糟than here with you.
1516 00:59:14 老实说 这几周Honestly, this has been like,
1517 00:59:16 是我一生中最美好的几周the best few weeks of my entire life.
1518 00:59:22 你不必也对我说同样的话You don't have to say it back to me.
1519 00:59:23 我知道对你来说不是I know it's not true for you.
1520 00:59:25 去年我看过你和布鲁斯·斯普林斯汀在那场I saw you sing with Bruce Springsteen last year,
1521 00:59:27 慈善音乐会上一起唱歌at that benefit concert.
1522 00:59:28 绝对比这几周精彩That was probably a way better week.
1523 00:59:29 只是举个例子Just as an example.
1524 00:59:32 这几周是紧随其后的第二美好Well, this is a pretty close second.
1525 00:59:35 是吗 能与斯普林斯汀媲美Really? To The Boss?
1526 00:59:37 是的Yeah.
1527 00:59:40 那真好That's nice.
1528 00:59:54 我觉得你现在也许想要我吻你I feel like maybe you want me to kiss you right now,
1529 00:59:57 但我不想重蹈25年前的覆辙but I don't want to make the same stupid mistake I made 25 years ago.
1530 01:00:00 不会重蹈覆辙的Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.
1531 01:00:03 等等 真的吗Wait... Really?
1532 01:00:11 已经安全了We've secured the location.
1533 01:00:13 但我们要转移你们 直升机已经准备好了But we need to move you. The helicopter is standing by.
1534 01:00:17 谢谢你 特勤MThank you, Agent M.
1535 01:00:23 我靠Holy shit.
1536 01:00:24 直升机比我想像的要吵多了That helicopter was way louder than I thought it was gonna be.
1537 01:00:26 弗雷德 别说了 对不起 对不起Fred, enough. Enough. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1538 01:00:30 但我们在这里安全吗We're safe here though?
1539 01:00:31 安全 天啊 弗雷德Yes! Oh, my God, Fred!
1540 01:00:33 这边走This way.
1541 01:00:34 这地方看起来很不错This place looks really nice.
1542 01:00:39 弗雷德 我需要你来帮我Fred, I need you to come work
1543 01:00:40 修改那份讲稿 现在就来on that speech with me, right now.
1544 01:00:42 现在就去吗 对 现在就来Right now? Yeah. Right now.
1545 01:00:45 好吧Okay.
1546 01:00:53 等一下 我把裤子脱了Hang on, get my pants off.
1547 01:00:54 好 我也得脱 靠Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.
1548 01:00:57 我们要做吗 要We're doing it? Yeah!
1549 01:00:58 快点做 来吧Do it faster. Let's do it.
1550 01:00:59 快脱下来了They're coming off!
1551 01:01:02 该死的小脚裤 靠Fucking tapered pants. Shit!
1552 01:01:05 操Fuck!
1553 01:01:08 算了 别管裤子了 别管了Okay, just leave it! Just leave it! Leave it!
1554 01:01:10 好了 好了 好Okay. Okay. Yeah.
1555 01:01:11 我能进去吗Should I go in, then?
1556 01:01:12 好 进来吧Yeah, enter.
1557 01:01:14 天啊 天啊 不要Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!
1558 01:01:17 我马上就要高潮了 我也是I'm gonna come really soon. Me too.
1559 01:01:19 真的吗 真的Really? Yeah!
1560 01:01:20 天啊Oh, God!
1561 01:01:22 老天 老天Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
1562 01:01:26 天啊 好了 天啊Oh, God! Okay. Oh, my God!
1563 01:01:29 我要出来了 好 出去吧I'm coming out. Okay, come on.
1564 01:01:33 天啊 我操Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
1565 01:01:39 天啊 真抱歉Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
1566 01:01:41 我不知道怎么回事I don't know what happened.
1567 01:01:42 我通常都比这要持久I usually last way longer than that.
1568 01:01:45 知道吗 我就没持久过You know? Not me.
1569 01:01:47 太奇怪了That was weird.
1570 01:01:48 我们高潮的时候都说了"老天"We both said, "Oh, boy" when we came...
1571 01:01:49 是啊 我也在想这个 异口同声Yeah, that's what I was thinking. at the same time.
1572 01:01:51 从来没这样过 我从没这样说过That's never happened before. I've never said that.
1573 01:01:53 是啊 超级奇怪Yeah. Super strange.
1574 01:01:56 我们要再来一次吗Should we do that again?
1575 01:01:57 要 我的手在抖 让我缓一下Yeah, my hands are shaking, I need a minute.
1576 01:02:06 这个小家伙是谁Who's this little guy?
1577 01:02:08 我之前在写一篇关于新纳粹的报道I was a writing an article about neoNazis
1578 01:02:10 我不得不在身上文了卍字符的下半部分and I had to get a bottom half of a swastika tattooed on me...
1579 01:02:13 天哪 免得他们杀了我Oh, my God. so they wouldn't kill me
1580 01:02:15 我不想要这个文身and I didn't want that,
1581 01:02:17 所以我加上了鞋子 把他改成了火柴人so I added little shoes and I made him a little stick man
1582 01:02:20 我给他起名为阿道夫·火柴勒and I named him Adolf Stickler.
1583 01:02:24 根本看不出来他有卍字腿呢You'd never know he had little swastika legs.
1584 01:02:26 没错 他对自己的腿很满意No. He's so happy about it.
1585 01:02:27 我知道 看起来就像是裤子I know, they just look like pants.
1586 01:02:29 你根本想不到他是在仇恨的火焰中诞生的You'd never know he was born in the fires of hatred.
1587 01:02:34 老天 我好饿Man, I am hungry.
1588 01:02:39 现在几点了What time is it?
1589 01:02:40 我都不知道现在是周几I couldn't tell you what fucking day it is.
1590 01:02:45 而且我们...现在到底在哪儿And where... Where are we right now?
1591 01:02:47 我不知道I don't have a clue.
1592 01:02:48 你不知道You don't know?
1593 01:02:49 不知道 他们直接把我们送来了No. They just dropped us here.
1594 01:02:50 直接用直升机送来了They just took us here on the helicopter.
1595 01:03:16 早上好 弗拉斯基先生 老天Good morning, Mr. Flarsky. Jesus!
1596 01:03:20 你吓死我了 伙计You scared me, man.
1597 01:03:27 你能不能别告诉任何人这件事Could you maybe not tell anybody about this?
1598 01:03:29 反正说了也没人会信They wouldn't believe me anyway.
1599 01:03:33 有道理Fair enough.
1600 01:03:35 祝你好运 伙计Good luck, man.
1601 01:03:38 谢谢Thank you.
1602 01:03:48 直升机太可怕了These helicopters are scary.
1603 01:03:51 不会有事的 弗雷德 深呼吸It's gonna be fine, Fred. Just breathe.
1604 01:03:57 一 二 三 四One, two, three, four.
1605 01:03:59 一 二 三 四One, two, three, four.
1606 01:04:13 卡塔赫纳
1607 01:04:13 我现在感觉好幸福I feel so happy right now!
1608 01:04:15 我是说 我开始意识到Like, I'm beginning to realize,
1609 01:04:17 我可能从来都没幸福过I may have never been happy.
1610 01:04:19 这可能是我第一次体会到幸福This might be the first time I ever felt happy.
1611 01:04:21 感觉棒极了And it feels good.
1612 01:04:23 这简直是有史以来最棒的事了This is like, the best shit that's ever happened.
1613 01:04:26 今晚有场疯狂的大型宴会There's like this crazy big banquet thing tonight,
1614 01:04:27 她给了我一套晚礼服穿and she gave me like a tuxedo to wear.
1615 01:04:29 这不是约会And it's not like a date,
1616 01:04:30 但感觉又有点像约会but it kinda feels like a date.
1617 01:04:32 我怎么才能不搞砸呢 似乎不可能How do I not fuck this up? Seems impossible.
1618 01:04:35 老兄 你只是需要肯定自己Dude, you just need to give yourself affirmation, man.
1619 01:04:37 你需要You need to...
1620 01:04:39 你需要说你值得被爱 伙计You need to say that you're worthy of love, man.
1621 01:04:42 我值得被爱I am worthy of love.
1622 01:04:43 好 现在你得再说一万遍All right, now you gotta say it 10,000 more times,
1623 01:04:45 直到你相信为止until you believe it.
1624 01:04:46 好吧 我得挂了Okay, look, I gotta go.
1625 01:04:48 我根本不知道怎么打领结I have no fucking clue how to tie a bow tie.
1626 01:04:50 好的 伙计All right, man.
1627 01:04:52 大胆一点Be bold!
1628 01:04:57 布宜诺斯艾利斯
1629 01:05:10 你太美了You look really pretty.
1630 01:05:13 谢谢Thank you.
1631 01:05:15 你也很帅You look really pretty, too.
1632 01:05:19 谢谢Thank you.
1633 01:05:20 人靠衣装Thanks for the suit.
1634 01:05:21 我们该进去了We should probably head in.
1635 01:05:22 我们走吧 好Shall we? Yeah.
1636 01:05:29 太厉害了This is awesome.
1637 01:05:29 能来阿根廷真好It's cool being in Argentina.
1638 01:05:31 我觉得杀了我祖父辈的纳粹I think the guys who killed my grandparents
1639 01:05:32 就躲在阿根廷呢are hiding here somewhere.
1640 01:05:35 我去 还有乐队Shit, they got a band.
1641 01:05:38 你想跳支舞吗 或者喝一杯Do you wanna, uh, dance maybe? Or grab a drink?
1642 01:05:42 今晚有来自75个国家的代表在场So there are representatives from over 75 countries here tonight.
1643 01:05:45 她有三个小时的时间来施展魅力She has three hours to get out there,
1644 01:05:47 晃动摇钱树 好shake her money maker... Yeah.
1645 01:05:47 尽可能多地争取承诺and get as many commitments as possible.
1646 01:05:49 我们是来工作的 好的 我明白This is a work event. Of course, yeah. I get it.
1647 01:05:51 也许晚宴结束时 我们可以喝一杯We could, uh, maybe at the end of the night, have a drink.
1648 01:05:54 好 如果你有时间的话Yeah, if you have time. Cool.
1649 01:05:56 看情况吧 好We'll see. Yeah.
1650 01:05:58 好了 好All right. Okay.
1651 01:06:04 我知道是什么情况I know what's going on.
1652 01:06:09 什么意思 你知道是什么意思What do you mean? You know what I mean.
1653 01:06:11 没有什么情况There's nothing going on.
1654 01:06:12 别跟我扯淡 弗雷德Don't fucking bullshit me, Fred.
1655 01:06:14 因为我的情商突破天际'Cause my EQ is through the goddamn roof.
1656 01:06:17 而且我对社交动态中微妙变化的敏感直觉And I understand and intuit the nuances of social dynamics
1657 01:06:20 准确到你无法想象like you wouldn't believe.
1658 01:06:21 你们俩上床了The two of you are having sex with each other.
1659 01:06:24 这种事你不可能辨别出来There's no way you could discern something like that.
1660 01:06:26 夏洛特告诉我了Charlotte told me.
1661 01:06:28 真的吗Really?
1662 01:06:29 假的 但是你告诉我了 你个蠢货No, but you just did, you fucking idiot.
1663 01:06:31 我操 这招太精明了Fuck! Shit! That was fucking very clever.
1664 01:06:34 老天 好吧 你说得没错Jesus, well, you know what, yes.
1665 01:06:35 好吧 我们性交了Okay. We're sexing one another down.
1666 01:06:37 那又怎样 恶心So? Ew.
1667 01:06:38 老实说 我可能比你还感到震惊Honestly, it's probably weirder to me than it is to you.
1668 01:06:40 听着 真不敢相信我要这么说Look, I can't believe I have to say this,
1669 01:06:42 但是你得知道 你们俩绝无任何可能but just so you know, there's no way the two of you work.
1670 01:06:46 你为什么这么说 你又不知道Why would you say that? You don't know that.
1671 01:06:48 公众绝对不会接受你们两个在一起The public will never accept the two of you together,
1672 01:06:50 所以她也不会so neither will she.
1673 01:06:52 老实说 弗雷德 你明不明白都无所谓Honestly, Fred, it doesn't matter if you get it or you don't,
1674 01:06:54 因为事实是 她早晚会为你们两个意识到'cause the truth is, she is going to realize it for the both of you,
1675 01:06:56 然后你就会心碎then you'll have your heart broken.
1676 01:06:58 到时候应该挺精彩的And that could be kinda fun to watch.
1677 01:07:00 全权大使Ambassador Plenipotentiary...
1678 01:07:19 国务卿女士Madam Secretary!
1679 01:07:22 失陪了Excuse me.
1680 01:07:23 帕克Parker.
1681 01:07:24 不行 不行Nope. Nope.
1682 01:07:28 你知道 我们还是没能找出时间坐下来谈谈You know, we still have not found time to sit down.
1683 01:07:31 你知道 那是不可能的You know, it's not gonna happen.
1684 01:07:33 我找不出时间I'm not gonna find time.
1685 01:07:34 我会得偿所愿的I will get my way on this.
1686 01:07:37 我都不知道你"所愿"的是什么I don't even know what you mean by "this,"
1687 01:07:38 但是你请便 都是你的了but please have at it. It's all yours.
1688 01:07:41 我能跟你说几句吗 不好意思May I have a word? Can you excuse me?
1689 01:07:42 我们还没说完呢We're in the middle of a conversation here.
1690 01:07:43 当然可以 好的Of course. Yes.
1691 01:07:44 天啊 你真是...Oh, my God. You are a...
1692 01:07:46 你看起来美极了You look absolutely wonderful.
1693 01:07:52 我得说 你的倡议让我刮目相看I have to say, I have been so impressed by your initiative.
1694 01:07:55 这是否意味着我可以把加拿大Does this mean I can add Canada
1695 01:07:57 列入签署国名单to the list of countries taking part?
1696 01:08:00 有一个条件On one condition.
1697 01:08:01 让我猜猜Let me guess.
1698 01:08:02 你想减少对木材的限制You want fewer restrictions on lumber.
1699 01:08:05 我才不在乎木材I don't care about lumber.
1700 01:08:08 我只是想邀你跳支舞I just want to dance.
1701 01:08:13 好Sure.
1702 01:08:43 你知道有些事物一看You know when you see something,
1703 01:08:44 就是天作之合and it just looks right.
1704 01:08:47 比如袋鼠贝雷帽和塞缪尔·杰克逊Like a Kangol hat on Samuel L. Jackson.
1705 01:09:00 我值得被爱I'm worthy of love.
1706 01:09:03 我值得被爱I'm worthy of love.
1707 01:09:07 你嘀咕什么呢What the fuck are you saying?
1708 01:09:10 没什么Nothing.
1709 01:09:44 你好 女士Bonjour, ma'am.
1710 01:09:51 我喜欢上你了
1711 01:09:58 而且我找到希特勒了
1712 01:10:18 失陪了Excuse me.
1713 01:10:21 特勤E 打起精神Agent E, look alive.
1714 01:10:40 我听说你喜欢上我了I hear you have a crush on me.
1715 01:10:43 是的I do.
1716 01:10:46 我好像也喜欢上你了Kinda have a crush on you, too.
1717 01:10:49 那敢情好Well, that's cool.
1718 01:10:55 我知道我之前问过了I know I asked earlier.
1719 01:10:56 不过But, uh...
1720 01:11:01 你愿意和我跳支舞吗Do you want to dance with me?
1721 01:11:05 这首歌太赞了It's a dope song.
1722 01:11:08 太他妈赞了Really fucking good song.
1723 01:11:09 很可能是史上最棒的 嗯Maybe the best song ever written. Yeah.
1724 01:11:14 It Must Have Been Love Roxette
1725 01:11:14 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
1726 01:11:19 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
1727 01:11:25 ? 在我枕畔 ?? Lay a whisper ?
1728 01:11:28 ? 留下细语 ?? On my pillow ?
1729 01:11:31 ? 将冬季 ?? Leave the winter ?
1730 01:11:34 ? 留在地上 ?? On the ground ?
1731 01:11:37 ? 我孤单醒来 ?? I wake up lonely ?
1732 01:11:40 ? 卧室及四周 ?? This air of silence ?
1733 01:11:44 ? 被寂静 ?? In the bedroom ?
1734 01:11:46 ? 笼罩 ?? And all around ?
1735 01:11:49 ? 触碰我吧 ?? Touch me now ?
1736 01:11:52 ? 我闭上双眼 ?? I close my eyes ?
1737 01:11:55 ? 开始梦游 ?? And dream away ?
1738 01:12:00 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
1739 01:12:03 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
1740 01:12:07 ? 那一定很美 ?? It must have been good ?
1741 01:12:09 ? 但我终究失去 ?? But I lost it somehow ?
1742 01:12:12 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
1743 01:12:15 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
1744 01:12:18 ? 从我们触碰彼此 ?? From the moment we touched ?
1745 01:12:21 ? 直到时光流尽 ?? Till the time had run out ?
1746 01:12:25 ? 假装相信 ?? Make believing ?
1747 01:12:28 ? 我们在一起 ?? We're together ?
1748 01:12:31 ? 我被你 ?? That I'm sheltered ?
1749 01:12:34 ? 用心呵护 ?? By your heart ?
1750 01:12:37 ? 但由里到外 ?? But in and outside ?
1751 01:12:40 ? 我已化成水 ?? I turn to water ?
1752 01:12:43 ? 就像你掌中的 ?? Like a teardrop ?
1753 01:12:46 ? 一滴泪水 ?? In your palm ?
1754 01:12:49 ? 那是一个 ?? And it's a hard ?
1755 01:12:52 ? 寒冷的圣诞 ?? Christmas Day ?
1756 01:12:55 ? 我开始梦游 ?? I dream away ?
1757 01:12:59 我要你从后面干我I want you to fuck me from behind
1758 01:13:01 同时用力打我屁股and slap my ass really hard.
1759 01:13:05 什么What?
1760 01:13:06 什么What?
1761 01:13:07 没什么 我说"什么"了吗Nothing. What, did I say "what"?
1762 01:13:09 我是不是太霸道了Am I being too bossy?
1763 01:13:11 没有没有 完全没有 没有No. No. No. No. Not at all. No. No.
1764 01:13:13 我有 我有 白天我一直是你老板I am. I am. I'm your boss all day,
1765 01:13:15 现在我又在床上对你发号施令and now I'm bossing you in bed.
1766 01:13:16 对不起 我不是那个意思I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.
1767 01:13:16 没有 完全没有No. Not at all.
1768 01:13:18 说实话 我的大脑有点短路了My brain, honestly, just went into shock a little bit...
1769 01:13:20 嗯 但是你犹豫了Yeah, but you hesitated.
1770 01:13:21 没有 我只是没想到你喜欢这种的No, it's just not how I imagined you liking things.
1771 01:13:24 这样吧 我们完全按照你想象的去做You know what? We'll do exactly what you were imagining.
1772 01:13:27 然后你把我翻过来 打我的屁股And then you turn me around and slap me on my ass
1773 01:13:29 稍微掐住我的脖子and then choke me a little bit.
1774 01:13:32 天啊Oh, my God.
1775 01:13:51 弗雷德里克Frederick.
1776 01:13:53 玛格利特Margaret.
1777 01:14:00 你忘了这个...我操You forgot this... Oh, fuck!
1778 01:14:01 恶心Gross!
1779 01:14:03 我以为你们讨厌对方I thought you guys hated each other.
1780 01:14:04 我们确实讨厌对方 没错 超讨厌We do hate each other. We do. Big time.
1781 01:14:06 但我们也上床We are also fucking.
1782 01:14:08 你们这样多久了How long have you been fucking?
1783 01:14:09 刚刚大概有二十分钟That was probably 20 minutes.
1784 01:14:10 不是指现在Not right now!
1785 01:14:12 好多问题啊 我...A lot of questions. Um, I...
1786 01:14:14 我觉得应该在两到五次之间...I would say anywhere between two and five...
1787 01:14:16 三次半Three and a half times.
1788 01:14:17 就我来说 是五次I would say on my end, five.
1789 01:14:19 你只有三次半也没错Three and a half sounds right.
1790 01:14:20 我不知道你是怎么算出来的 太变态了I don't know how you're tallying that shit. That's sick.
1791 01:14:22 好了 首先 这里有女性在场Okay, first of all, there's a woman present.
1792 01:14:25 里面还有个女人There's a woman in there, too?
1793 01:14:26 你说什么 别激动Excuse me. Easy.
1794 01:14:29 你别插嘴 抱歉And I got it. Sorry.
1795 01:14:29 别再插嘴了 抱歉 我...Again. Sorry, I'm...
1796 01:14:31 这里有女性在场 也就是我A woman is present and that woman is me.
1797 01:14:33 你 货真价实的女人You? We're talking about her.
1798 01:14:34 信我没错的 弗雷德Trust me, I know, Fred.
1799 01:14:36 汤姆 别插嘴好吗Tom, I got this.
1800 01:14:38 我要说晚安了I'm gonna say goodnight.
1801 01:14:38 憋回去吧你 你也晚安You tuck that in. Goodnight to you.
1802 01:14:40 然后我要走了And I will take my leave.
1803 01:14:41 不要 没门 我才不碰你的脏手No. No way. I'm not touching that shit.
1804 01:14:44 你的直觉还挺准的 各位 我们...It's not the worst instinct. Guys, just...
1805 01:14:46 那双手施展了奇迹Those hands have been places.
1806 01:14:47 晚安Goodnight.
1807 01:14:48 有了法国的承诺 美国国务卿With France's commitment, U.S. Secretary of State
1808 01:14:49 一百个国家签署历史性气候协议
1809 01:14:51 夏洛特·菲尔德崇高的修复倡议Charlotte Field's noble Rehabilitation Initiative
1810 01:14:54 已得到一百个国家的支持has secured the support of 100 countries.
1811 01:14:59 总统想和你谈谈The president wants to talk to you.
1812 01:15:01 我们在隔壁搭设了篷屋 国务卿女士We've set up the tent in the next room, Madam Secretary.
1813 01:15:03 替我向他问好Tell him hi.
1814 01:15:09 你好 总统先生Mr. President. Bonjour.
1815 01:15:12 你好 夏理Charlie, bonjour.
1816 01:15:13 我听说的这个环保条约是怎么回事What's this I hear about an environmental treaty thing?
1817 01:15:17 这是全球修复倡议 先生It's the Global Rehabilitation Initiative, sir.
1818 01:15:20 已经在你桌上放了三周了It's been on your desk for the last three weeks.
1819 01:15:23 嗯 我们试探了一下风向Yeah, well, we ran it up the flagpole
1820 01:15:25 结果有人很不爽and it's ruffling some feathers.
1821 01:15:27 先生 你就是风向Sir, you are the flagpole.
1822 01:15:30 实际上 有不少惹不起的风向There are actually quite a few flagpoles in this joint.
1823 01:15:33 我们需要你修改一下We need you to revise it.
1824 01:15:35 先生Sir?
1825 01:15:37 我们需要你把森林砍掉We need you to kill the trees.
1826 01:15:43 他为什么要这样做Why would he do that?
1827 01:15:44 因为他的资金来自一群有钱的混蛋Because he's funded by a bunch of fucking rich assholes
1828 01:15:47 而我大概把其中一个惹毛了and I probably pissed one of them off.
1829 01:15:49 我能不能说 在这件事上Can I just say the optics of this
1830 01:15:50 民意其实没有什么区别are actually not that different?
1831 01:15:52 倡议的名字保持不变The initiative still has the same name.
1832 01:15:53 听起来非常厉害It sounds very impressive,
1833 01:15:56 这才是最重要的which is ultimately all that matters.
1834 01:15:58 我真的在乎这个倡议I actually cared about this.
1835 01:16:00 现在我还剩下什么 蜜蜂吗Now what am I fucking left with? Bees?
1836 01:16:02 我都不喜欢蜜蜂I don't even like bees.
1837 01:16:04 你必须听他的吗Do you have to listen to him?
1838 01:16:05 对 我必须听他的Yes. I have to listen to him.
1839 01:16:08 因为除非他支持我 否则我赢不了Because unless he endorses me, I won't win.
1840 01:16:11 然后这场该死的闹剧就全白搭了And this whole fucking show would have been for nothing.
1841 01:16:14 好吧 也许你不需要他的支持就能赢Well, maybe you don't need his endorsement to win.
1842 01:16:16 明白吗 人们喜欢你这一套You know? People are digging your shit.
1843 01:16:17 民调数据很不错And your numbers are good.
1844 01:16:19 这样吧 弗雷德 她需要独处一会You know what, Fred? She needs a little alone time.
1845 01:16:21 对 她应该只需要朋友的陪伴Right, she probably just needs a friend right now.
1846 01:16:22 你该走了 伙计Time to go, buddy.
1847 01:16:24 天哪Oh, my God.
1848 01:16:25 玛吉 让我和弗雷德独处一会 谢谢Maggie, just give me a second alone with Fred, please.
1849 01:16:43 我不想干这份工作了I don't wanna do this job anymore.
1850 01:16:46 我恨死这份工作了I fuckin' hate it.
1851 01:16:48 有什么意义呢I mean, what's the point?
1852 01:16:50 每次我做成一件事 就会被破坏掉Every time I do something, it just gets undone.
1853 01:16:54 我很遗憾I'm sorry.
1854 01:16:55 我只想做个普通人I just wanna be a normal person
1855 01:16:57 对什么都漠不关心and not give a fuck about anything
1856 01:16:58 和世上其他所有人一样just like the rest of the world.
1857 01:17:01 嗯 大部分人什么都不关心Yeah, most people don't give a shit about anything.
1858 01:17:03 活得一定很自在I bet it's really nice.
1859 01:17:06 那就是我想要的That's what I want.
1860 01:17:08 我不知道如何帮你实现I don't know how to give that to you.
1861 01:17:13 我们嗨起来吧Let's get fucked up.
1862 01:17:15 嗨起来Fucked up?
1863 01:17:16 嗯 你是指喝几杯啤酒那么嗨Yeah. Like a few beers fucked up
1864 01:17:19 还是嗨得更厉害or more than that fucked up?
1865 01:17:21 我是指超级嗨Like super fucked up.
1866 01:17:29 我想和你一起抽莫莉I want to smoke a Molly with you.
1867 01:17:32 怎么了What?
1868 01:17:35 不是这么...That's not, um...
1869 01:17:36 摇头丸不是这么用的That's not how you take it, but...
1870 01:17:38 那要怎么用How do you take it?
1871 01:17:39 是药片 放嘴里吃掉It's a pill. You take it in your mouth.
1872 01:17:41 但我不确定你是不是真的愿意But I don't know if you wanna do it.
1873 01:17:42 有何不可Why not?
1874 01:17:44 我不确定这是个好主意I just don't know if it's a good idea.
1875 01:17:45 我是你的上司 我命令你给我一个莫莉As your boss, I'm ordering you to get me a Molly.
1876 01:17:50 老天Oh, man.
1877 01:18:21 你没事吧You good?
1878 01:18:22 我什么都没感觉到I don't feel anything.
1879 01:18:24 你没感觉到吗You don't feel it?
1880 01:18:26 没有 我什么都没感觉到No, I don't feel a fucking thing.
1881 01:18:33 这就对了Was right.
1882 01:18:34 我操Holy fuck...
1883 01:18:39 不No!
1884 01:18:39 我的下巴感觉怪怪的My jaw feels really weird.
1885 01:18:41 嗯 毒品的效果Yeah, that's the drugs.
1886 01:18:43 毒品喜欢下巴Drugs love a jaw.
1887 01:18:44 我还想要 不不不I want more. No, no, no, no.
1888 01:18:47 一小时后再说吧Maybe in like an hour.
1889 01:18:48 我们现在就吃We should do it now.
1890 01:19:18 太牛逼了Yes, motherfuckers!
1891 01:19:21 我能永远嗨下去I could do this forever!
1892 01:19:23 就这么办We're gonna.
1893 01:19:24 我知道我一直I know I've been like...
1894 01:19:27 我知道我一直表现得很冷静I've been, like, playing it pretty cool.
1895 01:19:29 我可能有点难以捉摸Like I've probably been a little hard to read,
1896 01:19:31 我表现得有点冷淡and I've been acting kinda, like, aloof,
1897 01:19:32 就好像我不是那么在乎maybe like I don't care that much.
1898 01:19:35 但我不想再那样做了 我真的很喜欢你But I don't wanna do that anymore. I really like you.
1899 01:19:38 你表现得根本一点都不冷静You haven't been playing it cool at all.
1900 01:19:40 你刚刚跟着我去洗手间了You just followed me into the bathroom.
1901 01:19:43 那是为了陪你说话Yeah, to talk.
1902 01:19:44 我也真的很喜欢你 真的吗I really like you, too! Really?
1903 01:19:46 真的 太好了Yeah! Yeah!
1904 01:19:50 国务卿女士 怎么了Madam Secretary! Yeah!
1905 01:19:52 国务卿女士 请听我说Madam Secretary! Listen to me!
1906 01:19:54 和我一起跳舞 史蒂文 跳舞Dance with me, Steven! Dance!
1907 01:19:56 有情况发生We have a situation.
1908 01:20:09 这个莫莉药效还有多久How much longer is this Molly stuff gonna last?
1909 01:20:12 我们刚刚又吃了We just reupped.
1910 01:20:14 你一直说还想再吃 所以我们就吃了You kept saying you wanted to take more, so we did.
1911 01:20:16 所以药效大概还有四五个小时So we have another maybe four or five hours.
1912 01:20:20 是的 怎么了Yeah. Why?
1913 01:20:22 我摊上事了I'm in so much trouble.
1914 01:20:24 出什么事了What's happening?
1915 01:20:25 我摊上大事了I'm gonna be in so much trouble.
1916 01:20:26 出什么事了 没水喝了吗What's happening? Are they outta water?
1917 01:20:30 我们的一架U2战机One of our U2s went down
1918 01:20:31 在喀什塔领空执行标准飞行任务时坠毁while performing a standard flyover in Kashtari airspace.
1919 01:20:34 飞行员跳伞了The pilot was able to eject,
1920 01:20:35 但是看来他被喀什塔利军方抓走了but it appears he was taken by the Kashtari military.
1921 01:20:38 谢谢你 将军Thank you, General.
1922 01:20:40 巴拉斯总理拒绝Prime Minister Bharath is refusing
1923 01:20:41 将飞行员交还给美国to return the pilot to United States custody.
1924 01:20:44 他多次受到总统的侮辱He's personally hurt by the many insults
1925 01:20:46 心中耿耿于怀hurled at him by POTUS.
1926 01:20:47 干得好 好了Good job. All right.
1927 01:20:52 里面应该不会有问题吧It's gonna be okay in there, right?
1928 01:20:54 这取决于你 长官That's up to you, ma'am.
1929 01:20:57 天啊 你能行的Oh, God. You got this.
1930 01:21:17 如果你愿意 我可以帮你保管墨镜I can hold onto your sunglasses for you, if you'd like.
1931 01:21:19 不用了 我有脱发症 两只眼睛都是No. I have alopecia. In both eyes.
1932 01:21:30 你好Hello.
1933 01:21:32 国务卿菲尔德 天啊Secretary Field! Oh, my God!
1934 01:21:34 你好 巴拉斯Hello, Bharath?
1935 01:21:37 我听说出了点情况I hear we have a situation here?
1936 01:21:40 我们双方应该都很想解决One that we both probably want resolved.
1937 01:21:45 迅速解决Very quickly...
1938 01:21:47 这次你不能再欺负我了 国务卿女士You're not going to bully me this time, Madam Secretary.
1939 01:21:50 你们的人要留在这里Your man will stay here
1940 01:21:52 直到你们的总统亲自跟我道歉until your president personally apologizes to me.
1941 01:21:55 用图享网道歉Over Instagram.
1942 01:21:57 他不会那么做的 嗯 确实He won't do that. Yeah, no. Yes...
1943 01:22:02 什么事Yes?
1944 01:22:03 我能跟你说实话吗Can I level with you?
1945 01:22:05 我能告诉你一件事吗Can I fill you in on something?
1946 01:22:06 说吧Go ahead.
1947 01:22:07 我和夏洛特 我们现在磕嗨了Me and Charlotte, we're fucked up right now.
1948 01:22:09 我们嗑药了We're on drugs.
1949 01:22:10 首先 我不想谈这个First of all, I don't wanna talk about that.
1950 01:22:12 为什么 我们不能谈嗑药Why? We can't talk about the drugs.
1951 01:22:13 你知道我们嗑药了吗Do you know we're on drugs?
1952 01:22:15 我不想在这个房间里谈这个I don't wanna talk about that in this room.
1953 01:22:19 什么情况What's happening?
1954 01:22:21 我们现在嗑药了We're on drugs right now.
1955 01:22:24 太好笑了 这个笑话太好笑了That's funny. That's a funny joke!
1956 01:22:26 什么笑话 我们他妈嗑药了What's a joke? We're on fucking drugs...
1957 01:22:29 我们要去什么地方吗Are we going somewhere?
1958 01:22:32 什么意思What is that?
1959 01:22:34 什么情况 我们现在嗑药了What is happening? We're on drugs right now.
1960 01:22:36 那么你承认美国政府命令So you're admitting that the United States government
1961 01:22:39 这些飞机来监视我的国家ordered these planes to spy on my country?
1962 01:22:41 不是No.
1963 01:22:43 不是 当然不是No! No! Of course not!
1964 01:22:46 听起来就是这样的 面对现实吧That's what it sounded like. Face it.
1965 01:22:49 你没有谈判的筹码You have no leverage here.
1966 01:22:50 气势不能输 长官 这是唯一的出路Match his aggression, Madam. It's the only way out of this.
1967 01:22:53 我不太确定 他好像很愤怒I don't know, he seems really fucking pissed off.
1968 01:22:56 比他更愤怒Get more fucking pissed.
1969 01:22:57 让他知道谁是真正的老大Let him know who's really in charge.
1970 01:23:03 天啊 疼死我了Oh, my God, that really hurt.
1971 01:23:06 实话实说 我不...I gotta be honest, I'm not...
1972 01:23:08 我对你说的气势不太感冒I'm not feeling all this aggression stuff.
1973 01:23:11 我更喜欢放松的氛围I'm into more of, like, a chilled vibe.
1974 01:23:15 你懂的 我感觉...You know, just feeling...
1975 01:23:19 老天 那是高卢烟吗God, are those Gauloises?
1976 01:23:22 我太想...Just, I'm so...
1977 01:23:24 借我抽一根I'm just gonna bum one.
1978 01:23:29 稍等我一下Just give me one sec.
1979 01:23:30 别担心Don't worry.
1980 01:23:40 巴拉斯Bharath.
1981 01:23:41 我在 听着Hello? Listen.
1982 01:23:47 你和我在同一条船上 朋友You and I are in the same boat, my friend.
1983 01:23:52 是这样的吗How is that the case?
1984 01:23:54 我们都得应付我的上司We both have to deal with my boss
1985 01:23:56 而且我们都认为他是个混蛋and we both think he is an asshole.
1986 01:23:59 你也认为他是个混蛋You also think he's an asshole?
1987 01:24:01 天啊 他简直太混蛋了Oh, my God, he's such an asshole.
1988 01:24:02 他那个傻逼电视剧His stupid fucking TV show
1989 01:24:05 也就前三集还能看was like, good for three episodes
1990 01:24:06 然后就开始瞎编了and then it just didn't make any sense.
1991 01:24:09 操 说出来感觉真爽Fuck, it feels good to say that.
1992 01:24:13 听着Listen.
1993 01:24:17 你一定不能声张You need to keep this on the real DL.
1994 01:24:21 我们都知道 美国不和We both know that the U.S. does not
1995 01:24:24 恐怖分子谈判negotiate with terrorists.
1996 01:24:27 但是 我们可以和兄弟谈判But, we do negotiate with homies.
1997 01:24:33 所以如果你把我们的人还回来So if you give us our guy back,
1998 01:24:35 我就给你整一个慷慨的援助项目I'm gonna hook you up with a sweet aid package.
1999 01:24:39 这样你不仅不用囚禁俘虏So not only do you not have to keep a guy hostage,
2000 01:24:43 这事做起来可糟心了which is a pretty shitty thing to do.
2001 01:24:46 我这可是经验之谈I mean, I've done it myself.
2002 01:24:48 别告诉任何人 这是超级机密Don't tell anybody, super classified.
2003 01:24:51 确实很烦 我不喜欢It sucks, I hate it.
2004 01:24:53 是啊 所以 我们为何不转而Yeah. So, why don't we instead
2005 01:24:58 拯救一大堆人命呢save a ton of lives?
2006 01:25:02 那他妈就太棒了 对吧I mean, that's pretty fucking awesome, right?
2007 01:25:05 我觉得这是个相当好的主意I think this is a really good idea.
2008 01:25:10 你说呢What do you say?
2009 01:25:14 长官Ma'am.
2010 01:25:20 人质得救了 混蛋们 太好了Hostage saved, motherfuckers! Yeah, yeah!
2011 01:25:24 她做到了 她做到了 她做到了She did it! She did it! She did it!
2012 01:25:28 我身边的是国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德I'm here with Secretary of State Charlotte Field.
2013 01:25:31 她与喀什塔进行了紧张而复杂的谈判Who, after a tense and complicated negotiation with Kashtar,
2014 01:25:34 确保了在喀什塔领空has secured the release of the pilot
2015 01:25:36 坠机的美国侦察机飞行员of the U.S. Spy plane that went down
2016 01:25:38 得以获得释放over Kashtari airspace.
2017 01:25:40 说得没错 太疯狂了I know, right. Crazy.
2018 01:25:43 而且这件事发生时And this is all in the midst of the success
2019 01:25:44 你的环保倡议正大获成功of your environmental initiative,
2020 01:25:45 美国国务卿在巴黎发言
2021 01:25:46 据我所知这项倡议已获得一百个国家的支持which I understand has secured the support of 100 countries.
2022 01:25:50 是的... 说到痛处了Yes, um... Ooh, sore subject.
2023 01:25:51 我非常高兴能宣布I'm very happy to announce that
2024 01:25:51 美国国务卿在巴黎发言
2025 01:25:53 我不仅获得了一百个国家的支持not only do I have the support of those 100 countries,
2026 01:25:56 总统本人还亲自打来电话but the president himself called me personally
2027 01:25:58 告诉我他对这个倡议有多激动just to tell me how psyched he is about this initiative...
2028 01:26:01 他打电话了吗 打了吗 没那回事Did he call? Did he call? That didn't happen.
2029 01:26:03 一个字都不要改don't change a word,
2030 01:26:03 美国国务卿在巴黎发言
2031 01:26:05 尤其不要改有关森林的那部分especially the part, uh, with the trees.
2032 01:26:08 这是撒谎 所以总的来说That's a lie. So, all in all,
2033 01:26:09 我感觉...I'm just... Well,
2034 01:26:09 美国国务卿在巴黎发言
2035 01:26:10 我感觉自己现在势头正猛I kinda feel like I'm just kinda crushing it right now.
2036 01:26:13 非常感谢 那么... 谢谢Thank you so much. So... Thank you.
2037 01:26:17 谢谢Thank you.
2038 01:26:17 不可思议的夏洛特·菲尔德The incredible Charlotte Field.
2039 01:26:18 美国国务卿在巴黎发言
2040 01:26:20 很明显她仍然受到Who clearly still feels the effects
2041 01:26:21 整夜紧张的人质事件的影响of the intense allnight hostage situation.
2042 01:26:38 在谈判释放加里·史密斯中尉之后After negotiating the release of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
2043 01:26:39 国务卿菲尔德与被释放人质会面
2044 01:26:40 夏洛特·菲尔德的人气持续飙升Charlotte Field's popularity continues to skyrocket...
2045 01:26:40 菲尔德的民意支持率持续上升
2046 01:26:42 新一轮盖洛普民调中 68%In the newest Gallup poll, 68%...
2047 01:26:42 夏洛特·菲尔德人气飙升
2048 01:26:44 接下来 女权
2049 01:26:44 女性的精神状况是否不适合担任总统...are women mentally unfit to hold the presidency?
2050 01:26:48 今天的座谈嘉宾是克里斯·布朗Here to chat about it is Chris Brown,
2051 01:26:50 杰里米·皮文和布雷特·拉特纳Jeremy Piven, and Brett Ratner.
2052 01:26:52 夏洛特·菲尔德 领跑大选
2053 01:26:52 成功谈判了人质释放后In the wake of her successful hostage negotiation,
2054 01:26:54 夏洛特·菲尔德的民意支持率持续上升Charlotte Field's poll numbers keep going up.
2055 01:26:57 我想向夏洛特道歉I'd like to apologize to Charlotte,
2056 01:26:59 还想向昨天我称呼她为大胸洛特时and anyone out there who was upset yesterday
2057 01:27:00 被冒犯到的观众道歉when I called her BoobyMcBoobson.
2058 01:27:04 给我接总统办公室Give me the president's office.
2059 01:27:07 进来Yep?
2060 01:27:08 我能和你谈谈吗Can I talk to you for a second?
2061 01:27:10 当然可以Of course.
2062 01:27:11 我们做了新的民调 我想给你看看We got some new polling that I thought I'd share with you.
2063 01:27:14 好吧All right.
2064 01:27:14 感觉一切都在我们的掌控之中It feels like everything is kinda falling into place for us.
2065 01:27:17 所以我们认为应该深入调查So we thought we'd dig a little deeper
2066 01:27:19 确保不会有意外发生and make sure there are no surprises.
2067 01:27:20 你为什么表现的这么奇怪 结果不错Why are you acting so weird? It's good.
2068 01:27:22 我们得到了一些非常有用的We got some really helpful feedback.
2069 01:27:25 来自公众的反馈From the public.
2070 01:27:27 我们询问了一千名选民So we asked a thousand constituents
2071 01:27:30 他们会有什么感受how they would feel
2072 01:27:32 如果说比如 戴安娜王妃if, say, Princess Di...
2073 01:27:35 如果她开始和if she were to start dating
2074 01:27:38 盖伊·菲里交往Guy Fieri.
2075 01:27:40 我都不知道那是谁I don't even know who that is.
2076 01:27:42 他们不喜欢They don't like that.
2077 01:27:43 嗯 或者凯特·米德尔顿Yeah. Or Kate Middleton
2078 01:27:46 开始和丹尼·德维托约会were to start dating Danny DeVito.
2079 01:27:48 我明白你的意思了I see where you're going with this.
2080 01:27:49 相当负面的反应Pretty negative reaction.
2081 01:27:51 或者如果詹妮佛·劳伦斯Or if Jennifer Lawrence
2082 01:27:53 开始和这个穿蓝绿色夹克的土豆约会were to start dating this potato in a teal windbreaker.
2083 01:27:58 他们会很生气They would be very upset.
2084 01:28:00 你做了很多工作You did a lot of work,
2085 01:28:01 而我... 能听我说完吗and I... Well, but, can I just finish?
2086 01:28:03 不 有很多...我明白 国务卿女士No, that's, like, a lot of... I get it. Madam Secretary.
2087 01:28:06 我完全不想限制你的感情生活 很好I have no desire to limit your romantic life. Good.
2088 01:28:09 但是你和弗雷德在一起But the optics of you and Fred
2089 01:28:12 会使民意对大选相当不利will make a presidential run very challenging.
2090 01:28:15 弗雷德是记者Fred is a journalist.
2091 01:28:16 他写了一些很操蛋的报道Who's written some extremely fuckedup stuff.
2092 01:28:18 不 他揭露了一些很操蛋的真相No. That's exposed some really fuckedup stuff.
2093 01:28:22 我只是自己想知道And I just want to know for myself,
2094 01:28:24 你愿意把一切都押上you're comfortable with putting
2095 01:28:26 就为了约个炮吗everything on the line for a hookup?
2096 01:28:28 天哪Oh, my God.
2097 01:28:28 我们为什么要谈这个Why are we having this conversation?
2098 01:28:31 太疯狂了This is insane.
2099 01:28:32 我不需要向你解释自己I don't have to explain myself to you.
2100 01:28:34 抱歉 但我真的不能理解I'm sorry. I really don't understand this.
2101 01:28:36 我爱死你了 夏洛特And I fucking love you, Charlotte.
2102 01:28:38 我希望你获得幸福I want you to be happy.
2103 01:28:39 但更重要的是 我希望你能掌权But more than that, I want you to be in charge.
2104 01:28:40 我希望你能当总统And I want you to be president.
2105 01:28:42 为了我们国家的未来For the sake of the future of our country.
2106 01:28:48 听着 还有一个办法Look, there's another option.
2107 01:28:51 特勤局有一个人There's a guy who works for the Secret Service
2108 01:28:53 他的工作就是处理情妇...whose job it is to handle the mistresses...
2109 01:28:57 玛吉 你不能再说了Maggie. You're gonna have to stop.
2110 01:28:58 白宫里有一系列的暗道And there are a series of tunnels in the White House
2111 01:29:00 美国第28任总统
2112 01:29:00 当年伍德罗·威尔逊... 够了that Woodrow Wilson... That's enough.
2113 01:29:04 弗雷德不是一个我征询你意见的想法Fred is not an idea that I'm floating by you for your approval.
2114 01:29:09 而且你就快要越界了And you're getting very close to crossing a line.
2115 01:29:16 好 明白了Okay. Got it.
2116 01:29:18 晚安 国务卿女士Goodnight, Madam Secretary.
2117 01:29:25 可能的总统候选人成为偶像
2118 01:29:25 等我长大了 我想成为夏洛特·菲尔德When I grow up, I want to be Charlotte Field.
2119 01:29:27 因为她既聪明又漂亮Because she's smart and pretty
2120 01:29:29 而且她会成为总统and she's going to be president.
2121 01:29:29 可能的总统候选人成为偶像
2122 01:29:34 安格拉·默克尔 亚当·杜瑞兹
2123 01:29:38 我会成为那个小女孩的总统I will be that little girl's president.
2124 01:29:41 谢谢你们 上帝保佑美国Thank you, and God bless America.
2125 01:29:45 热烈的掌声 热烈的欢呼Massive applause. Massive cheering.
2126 01:29:47 到那个时候 我觉得舞台应该降下来At that point, I think the stage would descend,
2127 01:29:50 然后利尔·乌兹·弗特或者查莉XCXright, and then Lil Uzi Vert or Charli XCX
2128 01:29:54 会与哈林区唱诗班携手献上...would join hands with the Harlem Boys Choir...
2129 01:29:56 好吧 我说了那些之后再考虑Well, I said we'll figure that out later.
2130 01:30:00 国务卿女士Madam Secretary,
2131 01:30:01 总统现在要见你the president would like to see you right now.
2132 01:30:03 该死Shit.
2133 01:30:06 该死的Damn it!
2134 01:30:07 国家处于战争之中The nation is at war!
2135 01:30:09 我左右为难I find myself torn.
2136 01:30:10 在我个人的爱和我对国家的爱之间徘徊Torn between my personal love and my love of country...
2137 01:30:15 先生 现在不方便吗Sir, is this a good time?
2138 01:30:17 你好 夏洛特 没事 我只是在练习台词Hi, Charlotte. No, I'm just running lines.
2139 01:30:20 好了All right.
2140 01:30:20 大家都出去 只留夏洛特一个Clear the room. Everybody, just Charlotte, please.
2141 01:30:26 谢谢Thanks.
2142 01:30:30 没出什么事吧 先生Is everything okay, sir?
2143 01:30:34 瞧瞧这是谁Look who it is.
2144 01:30:35 她终于来了She's here at last.
2145 01:30:38 不得不爱那扇暗门 坐下You gotta love that secret door. Sit down.
2146 01:30:45 这感觉像是个埋伏This feels like an ambush.
2147 01:30:47 这个嘛 在娱乐界Well, in the entertainment world,
2148 01:30:49 我们管这个叫龙套惊喜we call this a surprise walkon.
2149 01:30:51 你看 夏洛特You see, Charlotte,
2150 01:30:53 我们有许多商业上的利益we have a number of business interests
2151 01:30:55 可能会受到你这个协议的严重影响and that, you know, may be gravely affected by this agreement of yours.
2152 01:31:00 嗯 除了演电影之外Yeah. Uh, aside from getting into film,
2153 01:31:02 我还准备利用我作为总统的关系网I'm looking to use my connections as president
2154 01:31:05 来扩大我的投资组合to expand my investment portfolio.
2155 01:31:07 有点像阿什顿·库彻的风格Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher type thing, you know.
2156 01:31:10 那家伙又是演戏又是投资 混得风生水起I mean, that guy is killing with acting and investing...
2157 01:31:12 我认为总统想要说的是I think what the president is trying to say,
2158 01:31:15 我们想在阿拉斯加州建设的服务器群is that the server farm we want to build in Alaska
2159 01:31:18 所处的十英里土地 正好位于is sitting on 10 miles of land which will now be
2160 01:31:22 你的倡议的保护区内protected by your initiative.
2161 01:31:24 换个地方建服务器群Move your server farm.
2162 01:31:26 我们想建在阿拉斯加州We want to build it in Alaska.
2163 01:31:28 那里有广阔的发展空间There's plenty of room for expansion.
2164 01:31:29 夏洛特 我很惊讶事情会发展到这一步Charlotte. I'm surprised that it's come to this.
2165 01:31:32 你通常都很善解人意的You're usually so agreeable.
2166 01:31:34 但那天我看到你But I watched you undermine me
2167 01:31:36 在电视上诋毁我了on TV the other day.
2168 01:31:38 居然是在电视上TV of all places.
2169 01:31:40 那是我的地盘 好吗That's my medium. All right?
2170 01:31:43 你用电视来对付我You used TV against me!
2171 01:31:46 那是你犯的第一个错误That was your first mistake.
2172 01:31:49 听着 我要给你一个你这辈子Look, I'm about to give you the easiest ultimatum
2173 01:31:52 收到的最好解决的最后通牒that you're ever, ever gonna receive.
2174 01:31:56 别管森林了Drop the tree thing.
2175 01:31:57 否则呢 否则...Or? Or...
2176 01:32:00 我们就会公开你朋友硬盘上的内容We will release the content of your friend's hard drive.
2177 01:32:06 我们黑进他的摄像头后We found a lot of interesting stuff
2178 01:32:09 发现了很多有意思的东西when we hacked into his webcam.
2179 01:32:11 给你看个预告片Now here is a little taster.
2180 01:32:17 夏洛特 我是弗雷德Charlotte, it's Fred.
2181 01:32:19 你想来我房间You want to come to my room
2182 01:32:20 快速跟我打一炮吗and have sex with me really fast?
2183 01:32:23 没关系 别在意 今天我自己想办法打发时间Oh no, don't worry. I'll find ways to kill time today.
2184 01:32:26 没事的 等你回来告诉我It's cool. Just let me know when you're back.
2185 01:32:28 好Great.
2186 01:32:33 对我而言很重要...important to me.
2187 01:32:35 这演讲说得真好That's a good speech.
2188 01:32:38 一群不合群的人反抗霸凌 裙子也漂亮The band of misfits fight back against the bullies. Nice dress.
2189 01:32:43 永不放弃Never giving up.
2190 01:32:44 永不妥协Never laying down.
2191 01:32:49 高中时In high school,
2192 01:32:49 我经常谈起弱者I would talk about the underdog a lot.
2193 01:32:53 我总是站在临时演讲台上And I would often find myself on a soapbox
2194 01:32:56 没完没了地抱怨世界的不公rambling on and on about the injustices of the world.
2195 01:33:02 这会让你很受欢迎Which makes you extremely popular...
2196 01:33:04 尤其是在人人都更想去看especially when everybody would rather be watching
2197 01:33:07 《飞跃比佛利》的年代Beverly Hills, 90210.
2198 01:33:24 老天Oh, boy!
2199 01:33:30 不要啊Oh, no...
2200 01:33:32 恶心Yucky.
2201 01:33:35 老天 搞什么Oh, boy! What the fuck?
2202 01:33:39 天啊 对不起 发生了这种事真对不起Oh, my God! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry this happened.
2203 01:33:44 你不用道歉 我们怎么办You don't have to be sorry. What do we do?
2204 01:33:45 大家都担心会发生这种事This is what everyone was afraid was gonna happen,
2205 01:33:48 因为有我在because of me.
2206 01:33:49 现在真的因为我发生了这种事And now it's happening because of me.
2207 01:33:50 我有公关吗 不用Do I get a publicist? No.
2208 01:33:51 我要进行公关活动吗 别说了Do I do a publicity tour? Stop.
2209 01:33:53 我们要召开记者会吗 弗雷德 听我说Do we have a press conference? Fred, listen to me.
2210 01:33:55 我接受了交易I took the deal.
2211 01:33:58 什么What?
2212 01:33:59 我们把森林的部分删除We scratched the tree thing
2213 01:34:01 然后我就真的有机会成为总统and I have a real shot at becoming president.
2214 01:34:03 就让某个混蛋亿万富翁And some billionaire motherfucker
2215 01:34:08 这样用我胁迫你吗gets to blackmail you? Using me?
2216 01:34:12 我只是做了所有人都做的事Doing something that everybody does?
2217 01:34:15 而这个政策是你真正在乎的Out of a policy that you cared about,
2218 01:34:17 从中学起这就是你的志向since you were in middle school.
2219 01:34:18 自从我认识你 你就在乎这个Since I've known you, you've cared about this.
2220 01:34:20 现在你打算功亏一篑吗And now you're just gonna get rid of it?
2221 01:34:21 我是在为更伟大的目标而妥协I'm trying to compromise here for a bigger goal.
2222 01:34:25 我觉得你不应该妥协Well, I don't think you should right now.
2223 01:34:27 天哪Oh, my God!
2224 01:34:28 你当然觉得我不应该妥协Of course you don't think I should.
2225 01:34:29 你这辈子从没为任何事而妥协过You never compromise for anything in your life,
2226 01:34:31 这为你的失败提供了完美的借口which gives you the perfect excuse to fail.
2227 01:34:33 好吧 这总比为了取悦别人Well, it's better than maybe bending over backwards
2228 01:34:36 使出浑身解数for anyone who asked,
2229 01:34:37 直到你都想不起来一开始to the point that you don't even know
2230 01:34:39 做这些破事是为了什么了why the fuck you're doing this shit anymore!
2231 01:34:40 在我的世界里 为了达成In my world, in order to achieve
2232 01:34:42 我想要的目标 我必须妥协what I'm trying to achieve, I have to compromise.
2233 01:34:44 为什么 因为你是女人吗Why, because you're a woman?
2234 01:34:45 对啊 混蛋Yeah, motherfucker.
2235 01:34:47 好吧 说得有道理Okay, that makes sense.
2236 01:34:48 还因为我不会因为不符合你的道德准则And because I'm not giving up everything I've ever wanted
2237 01:34:50 就放弃我一直以来想要的一切just because it doesn't live up to your moral code.
2238 01:34:53 我不在乎这个录像被曝光 我真的不在乎I don't care if this tape comes out. I really don't.
2239 01:34:55 天哪 弗雷德 我会没事的Oh, my God, Fred. I'll be okay.
2240 01:34:57 你不必为了我这么做You don't have to do this for me.
2241 01:35:01 你这么做不是为了我You're not doing this for me.
2242 01:35:05 显而易见Obviously.
2243 01:35:06 听着 你我都明白Look, you and I both know
2244 01:35:09 比起那个真正颜射自己的男人the woman who stands beside the guy
2245 01:35:11 站在他身边的那个女人that's coming on his face gets way more scrutiny
2246 01:35:14 会受到更多的审视than the guy who's actually coming on his face.
2247 01:35:17 我觉得这种事不太常见Don't know if that's happened enough
2248 01:35:18 应该没有先例可以参考for there to be, like, a precedent for it.
2249 01:35:20 所以谁知道呢 也许这次会有所不同So, who knows? Maybe that won't be the case this time.
2250 01:35:23 谁知道呢 也许人们会觉得这很浪漫Who knows? Maybe people will think it's romantic.
2251 01:35:25 我打飞机...我对着你打飞机I'm jerking... I'm jerking off to you.
2252 01:35:26 你又不知道人们会作何反应You don't know how people are gonna react.
2253 01:35:27 我不会冒这个险I'm not taking that risk.
2254 01:35:34 我做不到I can't do it.
2255 01:35:36 好吧Okay.
2256 01:35:44 那么视频不会流出去 我们会怎样So the video doesn't come out, what happens to us?
2257 01:35:53 我跟玛吉谈了 她认识I was talking to Maggie, and she knows
2258 01:35:57 一个可以洗白你的过往的顾问this consultant who could scrub your history.
2259 01:36:00 我们可以确保不会再出现We could make sure nothing else like this
2260 01:36:01 这样的惊喜pops up and surprises us.
2261 01:36:05 然后我们就And then we just...
2262 01:36:05 我们改善你的形象We work on your image,
2263 01:36:06 然后我们考虑应该and we figure out how we want to
2264 01:36:08 如何向公众呈现我们的恋情present ourselves as a couple to the public.
2265 01:36:11 仅此而已That's all.
2266 01:36:17 好吧 好吧Okay. Okay.
2267 01:36:20 你觉得要花多久How long... How long will it take,
2268 01:36:21 才能为我创造一个do you think, to create an image of me
2269 01:36:25 可以公诸于众的形象that we can present to the public?
2270 01:36:27 只需要用竞选活动的前几个月时间Just through the first couple months of the campaign.
2271 01:36:30 你这么觉得吗 但你也不能确定吧You think? But you don't know that, right?
2272 01:36:33 可能需要更长的时间It could take longer than that.
2273 01:36:34 几个月后 你可能发现时机不合适In a couple of months, you could find that it's not a good moment
2274 01:36:37 不能介绍新男友 对吧to introduce a new boyfriend, right?
2275 01:36:39 然后我们就得再等几个月And then we'd have to wait a couple more months.
2276 01:36:41 我不知道需要多长时间 弗雷德I don't know how long it's gonna take, Fred.
2277 01:36:45 与此同时And then meanwhile,
2278 01:36:47 你假装没有和我交往you're pretending not to date me.
2279 01:36:50 同时删除我的网络记录And you're scrubbing my Internet history?
2280 01:36:53 那我的文章就都没了So my articles are gone.
2281 01:36:55 你还要让我偷偷摸摸的And you, like, sneak me around
2282 01:36:57 就像我是玛丽莲·梦露 而你是肯尼迪like I'm Marilyn Monroe and you're JFK?
2283 01:36:59 我们是在讨论这个吗Is that what we're talking about?
2284 01:37:00 我只是想搞清楚我们在讨论什么I just want to be clear, that's what we're talking about.
2285 01:37:03 我们必须这么做 因为我...And we have to do that because I'm...
2286 01:37:07 不正经not right.
2287 01:37:10 等我们昭告世人后And then once we present us to the world,
2288 01:37:13 我们呈现的那个我其实...不是我we present a version of me that isn't... actually me?
2289 01:37:21 嗯Yeah.
2290 01:37:31 我做不到I can't do it.
2291 01:37:35 我也希望I wish
2292 01:37:37 我是能做到的那种人 但我做不到that I was the type of person that could, but I can't.
2293 01:37:50 你不必勉强You don't have to do it.
2294 01:38:12 不明白我他妈是怎么想的Don't know what the fuck I was thinking.
2295 01:38:14 我怎么会觉得她那样的人Why the fuck I thought someone like her
2296 01:38:18 能和我这样的人在一起and someone like me could work?
2297 01:38:20 她是个该死的政客 我根本不了解她She's a fucking politician. Like, I don't even know her.
2298 01:38:23 我不知道她到底是什么人Like, I don't know who she is.
2299 01:38:26 她根本没有道德准则She has no moral compass.
2300 01:38:29 她今天跟民主党合作She's working with fucking Democrats one day,
2301 01:38:31 明天就跟共和党合作Republicans the next fucking day.
2302 01:38:32 与民主党和共和党共同合作有什么问题吗I mean, what's wrong with working with Democrats and Republicans?
2303 01:38:35 因为我国就是两党制That's... That's the whole country.
2304 01:38:38 是啊 除了一点 共和党去死Yeah, except fuck Republicans,
2305 01:38:40 我想这就是问题所在I guess is the problem with that.
2306 01:38:42 作为一个美国人 你难道不能理解双方吗Speaking as an American, shouldn't you see both sides?
2307 01:38:45 是啊 我理解有一方错了Yeah. I see one side's fucking wrong.
2308 01:38:49 有什么问题吗What's the problem here?
2309 01:38:51 我是共和党的I'm a Republican.
2310 01:38:52 你他妈开玩笑的吧You're fucking joking right now.
2311 01:38:54 共和党党员 是的 你了解我的Member of the GOP! Yeah, you know me.
2312 01:38:57 你是共和党的You're a Republican.
2313 01:38:58 对 我是共和党的Yeah, I'm a Republican!
2314 01:38:59 共和党一直待我不错The shit has worked out so far for me.
2315 01:39:02 搞什么 伙计What the fuck, man?
2316 01:39:03 你总是对我说的那些屁话All that shit you're always saying to me!
2317 01:39:05 没错 靠自己的努力奋斗Yeah. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
2318 01:39:07 掌握自己的命运And being in charge of your own destiny.
2319 01:39:09 共和党格言 而且对我有效Republican shit. Oh, and it worked on me.
2320 01:39:11 对很多人都有效And it works on a lot of people.
2321 01:39:13 真他妈恶心That's fucking sick.
2322 01:39:14 没错That's right.
2323 01:39:15 太恶心了That's gross!
2324 01:39:16 共和党的屁话That Republican shit,
2325 01:39:17 你给我灌输洗脑 让我感觉良好you put it in my brain and it made me feel good.
2326 01:39:19 太变态了 伙计That's fucked up, man!
2327 01:39:20 拜托 这正是我要说的Come on. See, this is what I'm talking about,
2328 01:39:22 你消极的思维方式your negative way of thinking.
2329 01:39:23 我根本不了解你I don't even know you!
2330 01:39:24 你什么意思What do you mean?
2331 01:39:25 我还是两分钟前的那个我I'm the same dude from two minutes ago.
2332 01:39:27 你最好的朋友Your best friend.
2333 01:39:28 你为什么一直都瞒着我Why'd you never tell me this?
2334 01:39:29 因为我知道你会有现在这样的反应'Cause I knew you'd act exactly how you're acting right now.
2335 01:39:32 等一下Wait a minute.
2336 01:39:33 你经常说的那些话You're always talking about how, like,
2337 01:39:34 什么宇宙对我们所有人都有安排the universe has a plan for all of us...
2338 01:39:36 别激动Take it easy.
2339 01:39:36 有人一直在注视着我们There's someone watching over us at all times.
2340 01:39:38 嗯 也就是说...Yeah. Does that mean...
2341 01:39:40 我信仰基督教I'm a man of Christian faith.
2342 01:39:42 操你妈What the fuck!
2343 01:39:44 别闹了 我们一直为你祈祷Now, come on now! We pray for you!
2344 01:39:45 别为我祈祷 我不稀罕Don't pray for me! Keep it!
2345 01:39:47 主啊 住嘴 别理他 上帝Lord. Oh, stop it. Ignore him, God!
2346 01:39:49 他不是那个意思He doesn't mean that.
2347 01:39:50 别为我祈祷 你疯了吧Don't pray for me! You are trippin' right now.
2348 01:39:52 我才没疯 你怎么可能是基督徒I'm not fucking trippin'! How could you be Christian?
2349 01:39:54 自从你认识我以来 我天天都戴着这个十字架I wear this cross, every day, since you've known me!
2350 01:39:58 你以为这是干什么用的What did you think it was for?
2351 01:39:59 我以为这是...I thought it was...
2352 01:40:01 文化十字架a cultural thing.
2353 01:40:03 你是说因为我是黑人You mean like, 'cause I'm black?
2354 01:40:06 嗯 我确实是这么想的That's what I thought, yeah.
2355 01:40:08 也许没错That might be.
2356 01:40:09 但你说的话还是种族歧视But that don't mean what you said ain't racist.
2357 01:40:11 你说得对 我知道我说得对You're right. Yeah, I know I'm right!
2358 01:40:13 操 种族歧视到家了Fuck. That's racist as shit!
2359 01:40:15 好了 老兄All right, dude...
2360 01:40:16 我爱你 伙计I love you, man.
2361 01:40:18 但你太武断了But you're very judgmental.
2362 01:40:20 他们不想牵扯到政治They don't want politics to get into this,
2363 01:40:22 是因为你从来都不擅长because you've never really been good
2364 01:40:24 从别人的角度看问题 弗雷德at looking at shit from other people's perspective, Fred.
2365 01:40:27 我知道 这也许可以解释I know. It might explain
2366 01:40:28 为什么你不能从why you haven't been able
2367 01:40:29 夏洛特的角度来看这件事to look at this through Charlotte's eyes.
2368 01:40:31 对不起I'm sorry.
2369 01:40:32 对不起 在我身边你不能做你自己I'm sorry you couldn't be who you are around me,
2370 01:40:34 你必须隐藏真实的自己and you had to hide your true self.
2371 01:40:36 这太操蛋了That's really fucked up.
2372 01:40:38 没关系 伙计That's all right, man.
2373 01:40:39 但是我对共和党和上帝的爱But my love for the GOP and the GOD
2374 01:40:43 与我们的关系无关has nothing to do with us.
2375 01:40:45 我是种族主义者 你是共和党的I'm racist. You're a Republican.
2376 01:40:47 我不明白这个世界怎么了I don't know what the fuck's going on.
2377 01:40:50 民调显示我应该去练瑜伽Polls suggested I should get into yoga,
2378 01:40:53 我去练了 结果发现which I did and it turns out,
2379 01:40:54 我不怎么喜欢瑜伽I don't really like yoga.
2380 01:40:55 有时候你难道不会想说Don't you sometimes just wish you could say,
2381 01:40:59 "去他妈的民调"吗"Fuck the polls"?
2382 01:41:00 民调显示 人们觉得我的笑不讨喜Well, polls say that people find my laugh unattractive.
2383 01:41:06 所以我不应该在公共场合笑So I shouldn't laugh in public.
2384 01:41:07 感觉有点扫兴That was a bit of a bummer,
2385 01:41:08 因为我真的喜欢笑because I really, I like to laugh.
2386 01:41:11 很喜欢A lot.
2387 01:41:13 不过我们准备了另一个笑But we came up with another laugh
2388 01:41:14 更好的笑 更符合...that was better. That's more, uh...
2389 01:41:16 领导人风范吧Presidential, I guess.
2390 01:41:20 很不错That's good.
2391 01:41:21 露出很多牙齿 没有多大声音It's a lot of teeth and not too much sound.
2392 01:41:22 嗯Yeah.
2393 01:41:25 话说 晚餐后So, um, after dinner,
2394 01:41:27 我们去喝一杯怎么样how about we go for a drink somewhere?
2395 01:41:30 我知道离这儿不远有个很棒的小地方I know this great little place that's not too far from here.
2396 01:41:33 叫作小冰柜It's called Mini Bar.
2397 01:41:35 不是谁都能去的 得用钥匙才能打开It's quite exclusive, you need a little key to access it.
2398 01:41:40 取出酒瓶就会收费And you get charged as you remove the bottle.
2399 01:41:45 其实我说的是台小冰箱It's actually more of a small fridge than a bar.
2400 01:41:47 就在我的酒店房间里... 我明白And it's in my room... No, I get it.
2401 01:41:49 我在邀请你去我的房间I'm inviting you back to my room.
2402 01:41:51 我I...
2403 01:41:55 这是我真正的笑That was my real laugh.
2404 01:41:58 真不明白他们为什么不让你这样笑I don't know why they told you not to use that laugh.
2405 01:42:02 很...It's...
2406 01:42:10 明天是个大日子 国务卿女士Big day tomorrow, Madam Secretary.
2407 01:42:14 嗯 大日子Yeah. Big day.
2408 01:42:18 It Must Have Been Love Roxette
2409 01:42:18 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2410 01:42:23 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2411 01:42:29 ? 在我枕畔 ?? Lay a whisper ?
2412 01:42:32 ? 留下细语 ?? On my pillow ?
2413 01:42:35 ? 将冬季 ?? Leave the winter ?
2414 01:42:36 好了 "我是弗雷德"Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."
2415 01:42:38 ? 留在地上 ?? On the ground ?
2416 01:42:41 ? 我孤单醒来 ?? I wake up lonely ?
2417 01:42:44 ? 卧室及四周 ?? This air of silence ?
2418 01:42:47 ? 被寂静 ?? In the bedroom ?
2419 01:42:50 来电弗拉斯基
2420 01:42:50 ? 笼罩 ?? And all around ?
2421 01:42:53 ? 触碰我吧 ?? Touch me now ?
2422 01:42:56 ? 我闭上双眼 ?? I close my eyes ?
2423 01:42:59 ? 开始梦游 ?? And dream away ?
2424 01:43:02 你好Hello?
2425 01:43:04 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2426 01:43:05 哔Beep.
2427 01:43:07 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2428 01:43:07 看来是接到语音信箱了Guess I got your voicemail.
2429 01:43:10 我是弗雷德It's Fred.
2430 01:43:10 ? 那一定很美 ?? It must have been good ?
2431 01:43:12 我想我首先要说我真的很抱歉I guess I wanna start by saying I'm really sorry.
2432 01:43:13 ? 但我终究失去 ?? But I lost it somehow ?
2433 01:43:15 你什么都是对的You were right about everything
2434 01:43:16 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2435 01:43:17 我什么都是错的and I was wrong about everything.
2436 01:43:19 我们应该按计划行事And we should go along with the plan.
2437 01:43:19 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2438 01:43:22 ? 从我们触碰彼此 ?? From the moment we touched ?
2439 01:43:25 ? 直到时光流尽 ?? Till the time had run out ?
2440 01:43:26 我可以做玛丽莲 我可以做你的玛丽莲I can be Marilyn. I can be your Marilyn.
2441 01:43:29 ? 假装相信 ?? Make believing ?
2442 01:43:30 第36任美国总统及第一夫人
2443 01:43:30 我更想做你的伯德夫人I'd rather be your Lady Bird,
2444 01:43:32 因为林登·贝恩斯·约翰逊跟她结婚了because, you know, LBJ put a ring on that finger.
2445 01:43:32 ? 我们在一起 ?? We're together ?
2446 01:43:35 ? 我被你 ?? That I'm sheltered ?
2447 01:43:37 但为了继续下去我愿意做任何事But I would do anything to continue,
2448 01:43:38 ? 用心呵护 ?? By your heart ?
2449 01:43:41 为了能和你在一起to be able to be with you.
2450 01:43:41 ? 但由里到外 ?? But in and outside ?
2451 01:43:44 ? 我已化成水 ?? I turn to water ?
2452 01:43:46 好了 再见Okay, bye.
2453 01:43:47 ? 就像你掌中的 ?? Like a teardrop ?
2454 01:43:50 ? 一滴泪水 ?? In your palm ?
2455 01:43:53 ? 那是一个 ?? And it's a hard ?
2456 01:43:56 ? 寒冷的圣诞 ?? Christmas Day ?
2457 01:43:59 ? 我开始梦游 ?? I dream away ?
2458 01:44:02 我们要把森林删除 是吗So, we're losing the trees, huh?
2459 01:44:03 是的 总统说服了我Yeah. POTUS talked me out of it.
2460 01:44:05 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2461 01:44:06 我知道那对你很重要 我很遗憾I know that meant a lot to you. I'm so sorry.
2462 01:44:07 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2463 01:44:09 我们无能为力Nothing we can do about it.
2464 01:44:10 ? 我的唯一所求 ?? It was all that I wanted ?
2465 01:44:10 我们需要他的支持We need his endorsement.
2466 01:44:12 对 对Yep. Yep.
2467 01:44:12 ? 如今却已失去 ?? Now I'm living without ?
2468 01:44:16 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2469 01:44:17 你和弗雷德的事我也很遗憾And I am sorry about you and Fred.
2470 01:44:19 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2471 01:44:22 ? 那里细水长流 ?? It's where the water flows ?
2472 01:44:23 知道吗 他昨晚打电话来了You know, he called last night.
2473 01:44:26 他说他愿意 他同意配合计划He said he'd do it, he'd go along with the plan.
2474 01:44:28 ? 那里微风吹拂 ?? it's where the wind blows ?
2475 01:44:29 真的吗Really?
2476 01:44:31 真没想到That's a shock.
2477 01:44:37 Okay.
2478 01:44:38 我会着手安排I'll... I'll start to make arrangements.
2479 01:44:40 不用 玛吉No, Maggie.
2480 01:44:42 没什么可做的There's nothing to do.
2481 01:44:43 说到底 我们根本不适合在一起At the end of the day, it was never gonna work.
2482 01:44:48 好吧 今天是个好日子Well, today is such a good day,
2483 01:44:51 我很激动and I am so excited.
2484 01:44:53 我们应该兴奋起来We should be psyched.
2485 01:44:55 超级兴奋So psyched.
2486 01:44:57 好 等会见All right, I will see you out there.
2487 01:44:58 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2488 01:44:59 好All right.
2489 01:45:01 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2490 01:45:04 ? 那一定很美 ?? It must have been good ?
2491 01:45:05 独家新闻国务卿深夜幽会
2492 01:45:07 ? 但我终究失去 ?? But I lost it somehow ?
2493 01:45:10 ? 那一定是爱 ?? It must have been love ?
2494 01:45:13 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2495 01:45:16 ? 从我们触碰彼此 ?? From the moment we touched ?
2496 01:45:19 ? 直到时光流尽 ?? Till the time had run out ?
2497 01:45:20 伙计Hey, man.
2498 01:45:22 ? 那一定是爱 ?? Oh it must have been love ?
2499 01:45:22 我要一杯啤酒Can I get a beer?
2500 01:45:25 谢谢你能来 没事 兄弟Thanks for coming. No problem, bro.
2501 01:45:25 ? 但已经结束 ?? But it's over now ?
2502 01:45:28 ? 我的唯一所求 ?? It was all that I wanted ?
2503 01:45:28 你感觉怎么样How you feelin' though?
2504 01:45:31 还行 你是对的Okay, you know, you were right.
2505 01:45:31 ? 如今却已失去 ?? Now I'm living without ?
2506 01:45:33 我打给她了I called her.
2507 01:45:34 我在语音信箱留言了 但她没回电话I left a message. She didn't call me back.
2508 01:45:35 所以 随便吧So... Whatever.
2509 01:45:37 你确定你想看这个吗Sure you wanna watch this?
2510 01:45:40 嗯 我必须看Yeah, I have to.
2511 01:45:44 国务卿女士 我想向你介绍Madam Secretary, I'd like to introduce you
2512 01:45:46 小船哥to Lil Yachty.
2513 01:45:47 他会在演讲后演唱He's going to be performing after the speech.
2514 01:45:49 很高兴认识你 船哥先生Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Yachty.
2515 01:45:51 我是你的死忠粉 能为你投票真是高兴极了I'm a bigass fan. I'm so excited to vote for you.
2516 01:45:53 抱歉打扰 该上场了 好I'm sorry, it's game time. Okay.
2517 01:45:59 菲尔德
2518 01:46:09 竞选声明国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德
2519 01:46:13 早上好Good morning!
2520 01:46:14 感谢大家今天到场支持Thank you, everyone, for being here with me today.
2521 01:46:19 让我用一句自我十六岁Let me start by saying something
2522 01:46:20 在百视达影音店打工之后I haven't said since I was 16
2523 01:46:23 就不曾说过的话来开始and worked at Blockbuster Video.
2524 01:46:27 我不干了I quit...
2525 01:46:29 这个笑话有我的功劳I helped write that joke.
2526 01:46:30 是吗 这笑话不错Oh, yeah? That's a good joke.
2527 01:46:31 我辞去国务卿一职...as secretary of state,
2528 01:46:33 因为我要竞选in order to run
2529 01:46:35 美利坚合众国的总统for president of the United States of America.
2530 01:46:42 上帝保佑God bless.
2531 01:46:44 菲尔德:我将竞选总统
2532 01:46:45 菲尔德加油
2533 01:46:46 我不胜荣幸And I'm honored
2534 01:46:49 能够获得钱伯斯总统的全力支持to have the full support of President Chambers,
2535 01:46:52 我非常敬仰他a man I greatly admire.
2536 01:46:55 他是一位非常优秀的领袖A man who is an extraordinary leader.
2537 01:46:56 竞选声明国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德
2538 01:46:59 伙计 你知道你该和谁交往吗Man, you know who you should date?
2539 01:47:02 泰勒·斯威夫特Taylor Swift.
2540 01:47:04 没错 我能够预见Hell, yeah. I could see that.
2541 01:47:06 为什么你觉得我能和泰勒·斯威夫特交往Why... Why do you think I could date Taylor Swift?
2542 01:47:10 弗雷德 你之前在跟夏洛特·菲尔德交往Fred, you were dating Charlotte Field.
2543 01:47:12 那可是地球上最有权势的女人That's the most powerful woman on Earth!
2544 01:47:14 我懂了I get it.
2545 01:47:15 我和泰勒·斯威夫特应该没有什么共同点I don't know what me and Taylor Swift have in common.
2546 01:47:19 你们都是白人 不知人间烦恼为何物Y'all white. Ya ain't got a care in the world.
2547 01:47:23 这倒没错That's true.
2548 01:47:24 竞选声明国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德
2549 01:47:24 但这次竞选的重点并不是我But this campaign is not about me.
2550 01:47:26 而是你们It's about you.
2551 01:47:28 是我们It's about us.
2552 01:47:30 是我们团结一心It's about how together,
2553 01:47:32 就能创造出美国人应得的美好未来we can build the future our fellow Americans deserve.
2554 01:47:39 生长在一国之都 在还是一个小女孩时I have dreamt about this moment
2555 01:47:43 我就梦想过这个时刻ever since I was a little girl growing up in the nation's capital.
2556 01:47:49 我很清楚 如果那个小女孩And I know that if that young girl
2557 01:47:53 能看到我此时此刻站在这里could see me standing up here right now...
2558 01:48:02 她会多么地She would be so...
2559 01:48:08 她会She would be...
2560 01:48:16 怎么回事What's happening?
2561 01:48:19 她会对我多么地失望She... She would be so disappointed in me, actually.
2562 01:48:24 事实上 那个小女孩Yeah, the truth is, that girl
2563 01:48:27 一定会希望我诚实would want me to be honest
2564 01:48:29 希望我廉正and have integrity and
2565 01:48:30 希望我不被歹人的恶行所胁迫not be blackmailed by evil people with evil agendas.
2566 01:48:37 所以我只能So instead, I'm just gonna...
2567 01:48:39 我只能以诚相告 承受应当的后果I'm just gonna tell the truth, and whatever happens, happens.
2568 01:48:42 我要说了So here we go.
2569 01:48:44 帕克·温布利和我们的蠢蛋总统Parker Wembley and our dumbfuck president...
2570 01:48:48 正在共同谋划邪恶的勾当are doing some evil shit together.
2571 01:48:50 因为我曝光了这件事And because I just told you now,
2572 01:48:51 菲尔德:我将竞选总统
2573 01:48:52 他们会公开一个曾经和我交往过的人they're going to release a video of a guy I dated
2574 01:48:55 打飞机弄得满身都是的视频jerking off all over himself.
2575 01:48:58 公开视频Release the video.
2576 01:48:59 快他妈传到网上去 传到网上Get the fucking thing online. Get it online!
2577 01:49:01 但是不要对我进行荡妇羞辱 我But don't slut shame me. I...
2578 01:49:05 我喜欢他I like him.
2579 01:49:06 竞选声明国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德
2580 01:49:06 我很喜欢他I like him a lot.
2581 01:49:08 弗雷德 你得去找她Fred, you gotta go to her.
2582 01:49:12 快去找她 伙计Go get her ass, man.
2583 01:49:14 他会打飞机And he jerks off.
2584 01:49:18 你们都会And so do all of you.
2585 01:49:20 可不是吗Hell, yeah!
2586 01:49:21 面对现实吧So deal with it.
2587 01:49:24 面对现实 美国人民Deal with it, America.
2588 01:49:35 我是弗雷德I'm Fred!
2589 01:49:36 这是超大车型吗Is that an XL?
2590 01:49:38 如果你能开快点I've got five stars in it,
2591 01:49:39 我就给你五星好评 伙计if you could speed this shit up, man!
2592 01:49:40 我们给你额外的小费 真正的小费We'll give you extra tip, real tip.
2593 01:49:42 不是被优步抽成的小费 是现金小费Not Uber tip! Cash tip!
2594 01:49:43 退后 退后Get back! Get back!
2595 01:49:49 我们去哪里 我不知道Where are we going? I don't know.
2596 01:49:55 她要走了 她要去哪儿She's leaving? Where is she going?
2597 01:49:56 靠 我不知道 这可不在日程表上Shit, I don't know. This isn't on the itinerary.
2598 01:49:58 汤姆 别光想着日程表Tom, you have to think past the itinerary!
2599 01:50:00 做不到I can't.
2600 01:50:01 弗雷德 我收到了《温布利新闻》的推送Fred, I just got a Wembley news alert
2601 01:50:03 上面有你的名字 别点开with your name on it. Don't open it!
2602 01:50:05 真爽 老天Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!
2603 01:50:08 弗雷德Fred!
2604 01:50:09 不要啊 不要啊Oh, no. Oh, no.
2605 01:50:12 没事的 伙计It's all right, man.
2606 01:50:13 你懂的 我们都有癖好You know, we all got our things.
2607 01:50:15 我不会颜射自己 但是I don't bust a nut on my face. But, like...
2608 01:50:17 我没有这种癖好It's not like a thing I do!
2609 01:50:20 你觉得这视频会火吗Do you think that'll, like, go viral?
2610 01:50:23 这都上新闻了This is the news!
2611 01:50:26 我靠Shit.
2612 01:50:35 借过 让开 见鬼 这男人恋爱了Excuse me. Move, damn it! This man is in love.
2613 01:50:38 国务卿菲尔德刚刚乘车离开Secretary Field just drove away,
2614 01:50:39 国务卿菲尔德在哪里国务卿夏洛特·菲尔德竞选声明中途离场
2615 01:50:40 对她的目的地无可奉告no comment as to her destination.
2616 01:50:42 我们将持续为你追踪报道We're gonna keep tracking this story for you...
2617 01:50:44 快看 颜射男来了Yo, check it out. It's the comeguy!
2618 01:50:46 对 就是他 先生Yeah, that's him! Oh, sir,
2619 01:50:47 问你几个问题 我们正在直播just a couple of questions. We're live right now.
2620 01:50:49 不要 我是颜射男No! I'm comeguy?
2621 01:50:52 无可奉告 谢谢 谢谢No comments at this time, thank you! Thank you!
2622 01:50:54 谢谢Thank you!
2623 01:50:55 别碰他 别碰他Do not touch him! Do not touch him!
2624 01:51:14 我去Holy shit.
2625 01:51:17 你看过我的演讲了吗Did you see my speech?
2626 01:51:20 嗯 所有人应该都看过了Yeah. I think everyone saw it.
2627 01:51:23 嗯Yeah.
2628 01:51:27 知道吗 你的视频曝光了You know, your video's out there.
2629 01:51:30 嗯 我看到了Yeah, I caught that.
2630 01:51:39 是这样的 我爱你Here's the deal. I love you.
2631 01:51:42 我很清楚I know I do.
2632 01:51:44 因为我这辈子从没这么害怕过Because I've never been so scared in my entire life.
2633 01:51:50 我可是和萨达姆·侯赛因共乘过一部电梯And I once shared an elevator with Saddam Hussein.
2634 01:51:56 只有我和萨达姆Just me and Saddam.
2635 01:52:01 这比那要可怕多了And this is way scarier.
2636 01:52:06 我爱你I love you.
2637 01:52:11 你真的得说点什么了Okay, you're really gonna have to say something right now.
2638 01:52:13 因为我要吓疯了'Cause I'm freaking out.
2639 01:52:18 我从十二岁起就爱上你了I've been in love with you since I was 12 years old.
2640 01:52:44 谁啊Hello?
2641 01:52:45 弗雷德 这里挤着成千上万的人Fred, uh, there's a million people out here
2642 01:52:48 他们想跟总统候选人和颜射男谈谈and they want to talk to the candidate and the comeguy.
2643 01:52:50 我想最好直接来你家So, I figured they'd hit you.
2644 01:53:16 弗雷德Fred!
2645 01:53:23 疯狂的一天A crazy day.
2646 01:53:25 但我很高兴你们都来了But I'm really glad you're all here.
2647 01:53:27 我想向你们介绍一个人I'd like to introduce you to someone.
2648 01:53:31 这是弗雷德This is Fred.
2649 01:53:33 大家好Hi, there.
2650 01:53:36 他是我的男友My boyfriend.
2651 01:53:42 你们应该已经认识他了You kind of know him already,
2652 01:53:44 但在接下来的几个月里but you'll get to know him a lot more
2653 01:53:46 你们将会更了解他in the next few months...
2654 01:53:49 因为整个竞选活动期间 他都将伴我左右'Cause he's gonna be right by my side on my campaign trail.
2655 01:54:02 出自漫威电影《黑豹》
2656 01:54:02 瓦坎达万岁Wakanda Forever!
2657 01:54:12 夏洛特 夏洛特Charlotte! Charlotte!
2658 01:54:18 是我起的头I started the chant!
2659 01:54:20 是我起的头I started that chant!
2660 01:54:25 我将忠诚地履行...that I will faithfully execute
2661 01:54:27 美利坚合众国总统的责任the office of the president of the United States.
2662 01:54:30 多么盛况空前的一天What a momentous day,
2663 01:54:32 我们的第一位女性总统our first female president.
2664 01:54:33 我从没想到过会有这一天I never thought I'd see it.
2665 01:54:35 菲尔德总统白宫宣誓就职
2666 01:54:35 好吧 很多人会说Well, I mean, a lot of people are gonna say
2667 01:54:36 这对世界各地的女性来说是历史性的一刻this is a historic moment for women everywhere,
2668 01:54:38 但我们真的放心让她在每个月的那么几天里but do we really want her finger on the button
2669 01:54:40 掌管核武器按钮吗when it's that time of the month?
2670 01:54:42 每个月那几天里 我可不想I wouldn't want my wife making any decision
2671 01:54:44 让我妻子做任何决定during that time of the month.
2672 01:54:45 你们去死吧 我不干了You know what? Fuck you guys. I quit.
2673 01:54:47 看来某人的那几天到了Looks like it's someone's time of the month.
2674 01:54:49 看来大姨妈的Looks like Aunt Flow
2675 01:54:50 滚滚红流要抑制不住破闸而出...is going to work down at the Red River Casino...
2676 01:54:52 老天 快别拍了Jesus Christ! Quick, quick, cut!
2677 01:54:54 大家好 我是美利坚合众国第一先生Hi! I'm the First Mister of the United States of America.
2678 01:54:58 我的名字叫弗雷特·菲尔德My name is Fred Field.
2679 01:54:59 我改妻姓了I took my wife's last name.
2680 01:55:00 接下来 我将带你们参观白宫And, uh, I'm gonna give you a tour of the White House.
2681 01:55:04 从第一配偶的画像开始We're starting with the portraits of the first spouses.
2682 01:55:07 这里有玛米·艾森豪威尔Here we have Mamie Eisenhower.
2683 01:55:09 杰姬·肯尼迪Jackie Kennedy.
2684 01:55:10 伯德·约翰逊夫人的美丽画像We have the beautiful Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.
2685 01:55:13 最后是我的画像And that leads us into my portrait.
2686 01:55:16 由托德·麦克法兰所作It was painted by Todd McFarlane,
2687 01:55:18 他创造了《再生侠》 无需多言who created the Spawn comics, of course.
2688 01:55:21 第一个版本稍微有点夸张The first versions were a little over the top.
2689 01:55:24 大家好Hi, guys.
2690 01:55:25 我曾经认为如果我想改变世界 让它变得更好I used to think the best way for me to change the world,
2691 01:55:28 最好的途径就是投身新闻业to make it a better place was through journalism.
2692 01:55:30 后来我意识到 事实并非如此Then I realized that's not at all the case.
2693 01:55:31 千真万确 我能为世界做的最好的事Really, the best thing I could be doing for the world
2694 01:55:35 就是支持这个伟大的人is just supporting this amazing person
2695 01:55:38 向她学习and just trying to learn from her
2696 01:55:40 尽我所能 做好第一先生and kinda just trying to be the best first mister I can be.
2697 01:55:44 我还文了个第一先生标志的文身I actually got a tattoo of the first mister insignia.
2698 01:55:47 确实 请看He did. There we are.
2699 01:55:47 美利坚合众国第一先生
2700 01:55:49 你还戴着连指手套You're wearing mittens.
2701 01:55:50 戴着小小的连指手套Got little mittens on.
2702 01:55:52 想想这个文身的开始和结局If you think of where this tattoo started to where it ended up.
2703 01:55:55 整个故事线真的发人深省It really has an amazing arc to it.
2704 01:55:56 你们的新身份带来了哪些福利What are some of the perks of your new roles?
2705 01:55:59 我终于能将我对美国的宏伟计划付诸实践Well, I finally get to enact my vision for America.
2706 01:56:03 我终于知道肯尼迪是谁杀的了I finally got to find out who killed Kennedy.
2707 01:56:05 天哪 你要敢说 我不会说的Oh, my God. Don't you dare. I won't say.
2708 01:56:06 不许说 我不会说的Don't. I won't say.
2709 01:56:07 弗雷德 我没开玩笑Fred, I'm not kidding around.
2710 01:56:08 不是你想的那个人It's not who you think!
2711 01:56:09 不许说Don't do it.
2712 01:56:11 非常惊人It's pretty surprising.
2713 01:56:13 他是我的先生He's my Mister.
2714 01:56:14 我是她的先生 她是我的总统I'm her Mister. And she's my president.