丧尸乐园2(Zombieland: Double Tap)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:43 Welcome to Zombieland.
2 00:00:47 Back for seconds?After all this time?
3 00:00:50 Well, what can I say,but thank you.
4 00:00:52 You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombieentertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.
5 00:00:57 So you know how Eskimos havea bunch of words for snow?
6 00:01:04 The only reason we've survivedthe last several years
7 00:01:06 is that we've gotten to know our bloodthirstyenemies better than we know ourselves.
8 00:01:11 In the time since we last saw you,zombies have evolved,
9 00:01:14 so we've given themdifferent names.
10 00:01:17 This lady here is getting chased by the dumbestZ there is, what we call a Homer.
11 00:01:25 In a world without YouTube,who isn't entertained by a Homer?
12 00:01:43 Unfortunately, for every Homer,there's a Hawking,
13 00:01:47 as in Stephen.
14 00:01:48 Or maybe his slightly less accomplished sister, Beatrix,who's still got some brains left to figure shit out.
15 00:01:53 Open, open!
16 00:02:17 Clever girl.
17 00:02:20 Okay. Last one.
18 00:02:22 Whoa, whoa, whoa,what was that?
19 00:02:25 Okay, all right. Well, this time,let's play Name That Zombie.
20 00:02:30 Hello?
21 00:02:34 Hello?
22 00:02:41 The Ninja.Silent, deadly.
23 00:02:43 The first thing you hear isyour own scream.
24 00:02:54 You can imagine how thrilled we wereto crack the zombie code.
25 00:02:59 But life is about more thanjust survival.
26 00:03:03 Ever since we were evicted from our normal lives,I'd been searching for a place to put down roots.
27 00:03:09 My old pal Tallahassee has this saying,"Go big or go home."
28 00:03:14 It's not his signature phrase,but it did give me an idea.
29 00:03:18 Why not go big...
30 00:03:21 and go home?
31 00:03:51 ♪ End of passion play,crumbling away ♪
32 00:03:55 ♪ I'm your sourceof self-destruction ♪
33 00:04:00 ♪ Veins that pump with fearSucking darkest clear ♪
34 00:04:04 ♪ Leading on your death'sconstruction ♪
35 00:04:08 ♪ Taste me you will see ♪
36 00:04:10 ♪ More is all you need ♪
37 00:04:12 ♪ Dedicated to how I'm killing you ♪
38 00:04:21 ♪ Come crawling faster ♪
39 00:04:25 ♪ Obey your master ♪
40 00:04:30 ♪ Your life burns faster ♪
41 00:04:35 ♪ Obey your master, master! ♪
42 00:04:38 ♪ Master of puppets,I'm pulling your strings ♪
43 00:04:42 ♪ Twisting your mindand smashing your dreams ♪
44 00:04:46 ♪ Blinded by me,you can't see a thing ♪
45 00:04:49 ♪ Just call my name'cause I'll hear you scream ♪
46 00:04:52 ♪ Master, master! ♪
47 00:04:55 ♪ Master of puppets,I'm pulling your strings ♪
48 00:04:59 ♪ Twisting your mindand smashing your... ♪♪
49 00:05:02 Hail to the motherfucking chief.
50 00:05:07 There are worse placesto hang your hat.
51 00:05:12 Wait, why does he get to be president?
52 00:05:15 I would have made a damn fine president.Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.
53 00:05:20 - You would have brought a real dignity to the office.- Thank you.
54 00:05:22 You don't have what it takes. I'll be president.And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.
55 00:05:28 So that means I get to be presidentif you get killed by zombies.
56 00:05:31 That wasn't what I was thinkingwhen I offered the position, but yes.
57 00:05:37 I have this rule:Enjoy the little things.
58 00:05:40 Which is what we spent a lot of time doingin those early days at the White House.
59 00:05:43 And it was a really special time,making a house our home.
60 00:05:49 ♪ Happy birthday to ♪
61 00:05:52 Shooting up, not to.All right. Nice!
62 00:05:59 Wichita and I fell intoour own version of domestic bliss.
63 00:06:03 Well, not quite bliss,but domesticity to be sure.
64 00:06:07 - Did Abe's blindfold fall off again?- No, it did not fall off. I took it off.
65 00:06:11 It's so creepy.He just stares at us all night.
66 00:06:13 That stare emancipated the slaves, okay?And it ended the Civil War.
67 00:06:16 We should be gratefulhe's gawking at us.
68 00:06:18 Remember what happenedthe last time you took the blindfold off?
69 00:06:21 - You made me sleep on the Lincoln couch?- Mm-hm.
70 00:06:31 - Is that better?- Much better.
71 00:06:32 Good.
72 00:06:34 - I love you so much, baby.- Sorry.
73 00:06:37 You are so gorgeous.
74 00:06:40 We really need to find you someone.
75 00:06:42 That's where you're wrong.Any romance left in me belongs to the Beast here.
76 00:06:47 Okay. Well, then we needto find someone for me.
77 00:06:53 Shouldn't be a problem,long as you're open to dating zombies.
78 00:06:57 So you're saying what?I'm never gonna find a boyfriend,
79 00:07:00 or get married, have a family?
80 00:07:02 We're your family,so one out of three ain't bad.
81 00:07:07 Little Rock had a strong desireto leave the nest.
82 00:07:10 And let's just say Tallahassee wasn'tthe most understanding father figure.
83 00:07:14 Little Rock!
84 00:07:15 But for better or worse,we were a family.
85 00:07:18 And for the first time since the virus,we were living somewhere truly safe,
86 00:07:22 making every day feel like...Well, like Christmas morning.
87 00:07:26 Hello? Ho-ho-ho!
88 00:07:30 Merry Christmas!
89 00:07:32 - Hey, Tal.- Santa.
90 00:07:34 What would you like for Christmas,little girl? A pony?
91 00:07:37 I'd like you to stop calling me"little girl."
92 00:07:40 Well, technically, you are littleand you're a girl.
93 00:07:43 Well, I am not a little girl,but do you know what I would like?
94 00:07:47 I don't give a fuck what you'd like.
95 00:07:50 Not to sound too sentimental,
96 00:07:52 but those days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenuemay have been the best days of my life,
97 00:07:57 and that's counting pre-Z.
98 00:08:00 Wait a second.
99 00:08:02 Oh, my God. No.
100 00:08:05 A first-edition Tolkien,and you wrote in it.
101 00:08:08 There's my name right there,marring this perfectly preserved paper.
102 00:08:11 Thank you. And yours too.You didn't stop. Thank you so much.
103 00:08:16 It's a bit touching.
104 00:08:18 Hey, I couldn't find any wrapping paper,but don't worry about it.
105 00:08:22 Just tear it open. It doesn't matter.It's only Taft.
106 00:08:25 He was our fattest president,
107 00:08:27 so there's a lot left overif you need some wrapping paper.
108 00:08:31 Columbus, I didn't get anythingfrom you.
109 00:08:35 Just what I wanted. Another gun.
110 00:08:37 Oh, hey, well, not just any gun.A Colt 45.
111 00:08:42 And not just any Colt 45.The King's.
112 00:08:45 - England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?- There's only one king.
113 00:08:50 Elvis Aaron fucking Presley,the greatest who ever lived.
114 00:08:55 The king of kings.
115 00:08:56 He gave this gun to Nixonwhen he visited the White House,
116 00:08:59 and I give it to you,locked and loaded.
117 00:09:03 Yeah, he used to shootthat Colt in his backyard.
118 00:09:07 King's palace, Memphis, Tennessee.I tell you about Graceland?
119 00:09:10 - Only a hundred times.- We're gonna go there together someday.
120 00:09:13 Actually, I'm gonna goshoot this right now.
121 00:09:15 I think I saw some Zs downby the reflecting pool.
122 00:09:18 - Well, I'll go with.- I'll go by myself.
123 00:09:20 - It's Christmas.- It's not fucking Christmas. It's November 17th.
124 00:09:26 Little Rock was on the hunt, all right,for people her own age.
125 00:09:30 And the thing is, they were out there.We just made it a point to keep our distance.
126 00:09:34 Which would kind of suckif you were the one stuck in the nest.
127 00:09:39 God, this is really terrifying,
128 00:09:42 but totally unrealistic.
129 00:09:46 Hey, she'll be fine.
130 00:09:49 Wish she didn't remind meso much of me.
131 00:09:51 Hey, come on.What's wrong with you?
132 00:09:55 Nothing.
133 00:09:58 All right. I wasn't gonna do this now.
134 00:10:03 Okay. Look, you always say that,like, I play it too safe,
135 00:10:08 and I know we've been in, like,a bit of a rut lately.
136 00:10:11 So I thought, what better wayto spice things up than to...
137 00:10:20 Get married?
138 00:10:22 - Yeah, well, I was gonna say, "Get married!" Yay.- Is that the Hope diamond?
139 00:10:26 I certainly hope it is. I want you to be Miss Ohio.Or I guess Mrs. Ohio.
140 00:10:30 This is so unfair.You know how I feel about this.
141 00:10:32 - What?- We've talked about this.
142 00:10:34 In my limited, but absurdly painful experience,married people only do one thing.
143 00:10:39 - What, fight? We already do that.- Get divorced.
144 00:10:42 I don't see us going that route.I mean, where would we find the lawyers?
145 00:10:46 - I don't know what to say.- Well, don't say anything. Yet.
146 00:10:51 Okay? This was my fault.I put you on the spot.
147 00:10:54 Just think about it,and let me know whenever you're ready.
148 00:10:58 Everything will work outexactly as it's supposed to.
149 00:11:17 Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong?Get a little too much eggnog last night?
150 00:11:21 - Bad news.- Bad news?
151 00:11:24 Well, you know what cancels out bad news?Good news.
152 00:11:27 - Today is the day that Wichita says...- Adios.
153 00:11:31 Hm?
154 00:11:35 "Dear C and T,we feel like total shit about leaving.
155 00:11:40 Sorry, not good at notes.W and LR."
156 00:11:43 Well, yeah. "Not good at notes" isa pretty huge understatement.
157 00:11:49 You know he's gonnatake this Beast thing pretty hard.
158 00:11:52 Well, he should learnto not get so attached.
159 00:11:55 Never get attached. Remember?That was the problem with Columbus, he got too attached.
160 00:11:59 - Well, with Tallahassee, it's like he thinks he's my dad.- Sure, but you are so lucky you don't have a boyfriend.
161 00:12:05 Have you seen him use Q-tips?His bedtime routine took an hour.
162 00:12:10 - Stop.- What? God, sorry.
163 00:12:12 - No, stop! Stop!- Oh!
164 00:12:20 Namaste.
165 00:12:24 Hi.
166 00:12:28 Wichita leaving hit melike a shotgun blast.
167 00:12:31 So after weeks of feeling sorryfor myself,
168 00:12:34 I thought a little retail therapy might helpget her off my mind.
169 00:12:37 It's not like I immediately wanted to start,like, wedding planning or anything.
170 00:12:40 I'm not crazy.
171 00:12:41 And who wants to get married in the winter?Spring, sure.
172 00:12:44 - Although my hair and the humidity...- Oh, my God! Man, I cannot listen to this shit anymore.
173 00:12:49 - My God, it's been over a month.- Yeah, I'm bereft.
174 00:12:53 Okay, I'm giving you one more dayto mope around,
175 00:12:56 and then you gotta snap the fuck out of it.
176 00:12:59 This whole "finding a home" idea of yourshas made us soft.
177 00:13:03 And by us, I mean you.
178 00:13:05 It's high time that we nut up and hitthe road again. And by we, I mean me.
179 00:13:09 That's where I belong.On my own. Lone wolf.
180 00:13:13 You're welcome to tag along.
181 00:13:15 - Yeah, but when they come back, we won't be here.- They are never coming back.
182 00:13:22 - I got it.- No, no, no.
183 00:13:26 Okay.
184 00:13:32 Yeah, it was good.You shot your alcohol with your gun.
185 00:13:49 Not bad, huh?
186 00:13:50 No. Not bad,but definitely no ZKOTY.
187 00:13:54 ZKOTY,that is "Zombie Kill of the Year."
188 00:13:58 Like a junkie in searchof a higher high,
189 00:14:00 Tallahassee is no longer happywith Zombie Kill of the Week.
190 00:14:03 Which, if you're keeping score,just went to Dave Sanderman of Riverside, Iowa.
191 00:14:07 You may wanna set downthe Milk Duds for this one.
192 00:14:09 You dead, zombie!
193 00:14:13 Whoo-whee, pig!
194 00:14:18 Congratulations, Dave.
195 00:14:20 Listen, I never told you this before.In fact, I never told anybody.
196 00:14:24 But I have Native American bloodcoursing through my veins.
197 00:14:30 - Like, right now?- Yeah. Right now.
198 00:14:35 Blackfoot Indian to be exact.The freest men in history.
199 00:14:40 Mid-1800s, roamed the plains,no houses, no laws, no possessions,
200 00:14:45 no chiefs to report to,no wives to listen to.
201 00:14:49 They listened...
202 00:14:52 to the call of the buffalo.
203 00:14:54 And they hunted those buffalo
204 00:14:56 by herding them off the cliffto their deaths.
205 00:15:03 The great buffalo jump.
206 00:15:07 Oh.
207 00:15:08 I don't know why I never told anyoneabout my Blackfoot blood.
208 00:15:12 I guess it's a sacred little secret.
209 00:15:15 Honestly, you're the first palefaceI have genuinely trusted
210 00:15:19 because you've always been there for me.You care and you really listen.
211 00:15:24 Unless you're in a 4D theatre,
212 00:15:26 there is no way I can communicatehow bad Z-land smells,
213 00:15:30 which is why I like candles so much.
214 00:15:32 Today, maybe a frosty gingerbreador a Bahama breeze.
215 00:15:36 Mmm.
216 00:15:38 - Whoa!- Ah!
217 00:15:39 Oh, my God! Please forgive me.It's fake fur!
218 00:15:43 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.I thought you were a...
219 00:15:45 - You thought I was a zombie?- Yeah.
220 00:15:47 Oh, my God, no. I don't even eat meat.I'm a vegetarian. Vegan, actually.
221 00:15:52 - Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus.- Madison.
222 00:15:56 - Hi. Nice to meet you.- Nice to meet you. Oh.
223 00:15:59 All right. We're hugging. So soon.Nice to meet you.
224 00:16:01 It's nice to touch a human.
225 00:16:04 - Don't mind me.- Oh, hello. If I can have my body?
226 00:16:06 Hi, sorry. This is Tallahassee.This is Madison. Madison, Tallahassee.
227 00:16:10 Is this your dad?
228 00:16:11 For shit's sake, slightly older,better-looking friend.
229 00:16:16 - Cute.- You live here?
230 00:16:18 No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezerin Pinkberry.
231 00:16:23 It keeps the zombies out,though it is awfully chilly.
232 00:16:27 Do you ever consider turning it off?
233 00:16:30 Couldn't find the switch, like, anywhere.Just hoping the electricity would run out.
234 00:16:34 I know, it's amazing.As long as it rains, the dams give us power.
235 00:16:37 Apparently not brain power.
236 00:16:41 I feel like you're being super judgy.Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you.
237 00:16:47 - Are you?- Oh, my God. There it was again.
238 00:16:49 - Yeah, I saw it.- And that's hurtful, okay?
239 00:16:51 I'm, like,really good at surviving.
240 00:16:53 I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go.And I can run really, really fast.
241 00:16:58 Probably because I used to doa lot of hot yoga and SoulCycle.
242 00:17:01 Cardio! Sorry,I do a lot of cardio too.
243 00:17:04 It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky.But I have rules for surviving Zombieland.
244 00:17:10 - Really?- Yeah.
245 00:17:11 So do I!
246 00:17:12 You have rulesfor surviving Zombieland?
247 00:17:14 Actually, mine is just mostly stayin the freezer.
248 00:17:16 - Oh.- Ha, ha.
249 00:17:18 You know, we actually set up camp, like,down the road, like, at the White House.
250 00:17:22 Ah-ah.
251 00:17:23 - The White House? Oh, my God.- Would you wanna come and, like, hang out?
252 00:17:26 - I would love that.- Cool.
253 00:17:28 Okay.How many rules do you have?
254 00:17:30 - You wanna know about my rules?- I wanna hear all of them.
255 00:17:33 - Well, number two is double tap.- Double tap.
256 00:17:36 - Double tap, yes.- Double tap you.
257 00:17:39 You got me.
258 00:17:40 I'm murdered.
259 00:17:42 Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinking.She's absolutely not my type.
260 00:17:46 But after Wichitabroke my heart,
261 00:17:48 I was just excited to talk to somebody who smelledlike a candle, and not whisky and gunpowder.
262 00:17:53 So Wichita and Little Rock left. It leavesjust us guys again. You know, bachelors.
263 00:17:57 This guy. You know, making a mess.
264 00:18:00 Which actually brings meto rule number 53, Wet-Naps.
265 00:18:04 - Whoa.- Yeah.
266 00:18:06 - I can't believe that you keep all this stuff in your head.- Thank you.
267 00:18:11 - It's amazing.- Thank you.
268 00:18:13 - You know, you're really lucky.- What?
269 00:18:15 That you found someone so smartto take care of you.
270 00:18:19 Most people your age,they get left all by themselves,
271 00:18:22 and that can be so sad.
272 00:18:25 Yeah. I am so lucky.
273 00:18:30 - Hey, can we have a little summit in the Oval Office?- Yeah.
274 00:18:33 You guys, I can't believe we'rein the White House. This is soy random.
275 00:18:39 You got to broom this girl.
276 00:18:40 You know why she's still alive?
277 00:18:42 Because zombies eat brains,and she ain't got any!
278 00:18:45 All right? It doesn't matterbecause I'm hitting the road come sunup.
279 00:18:49 - Columbus?- Yes?
280 00:18:50 Could you maybe give me a tour?
281 00:18:52 Whoa, this is the Oval Office.
282 00:18:55 Why do they call it that?
283 00:19:00 - You ready?- You ready?
284 00:19:01 - I'm ready too.- I'm ready.
285 00:19:03 - Great.- Too.
286 00:19:06 - Let's go.- He's kind of funny.
287 00:19:08 - Yeah, he's great. Try not to speak to him.- Okay.
288 00:19:11 The main attraction. Ta-da.
289 00:19:14 The Lincoln bedroom. And believe it or not,Lincoln never even slept here.
290 00:19:17 - I didn't actually want a tour, silly.- What?
291 00:19:21 - Hi.- Hi.
292 00:19:22 Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
293 00:19:24 - What's the matter?- I don't know.
294 00:19:26 - Don't you think that I'm pretty?- Yes, you're very pretty.
295 00:19:29 You're like"the girl in Apartment 406" pretty.
296 00:19:32 I just...I feel kind of guilty.
297 00:19:34 Because of Jesus?
298 00:19:37 I know ways around that.
299 00:19:43 - No, no. I... Please. I can't.- Okay, look, I've been alone in a freezer for years.
300 00:19:47 So either we're doing this right now,or I am biting the bullet, and I am doing the old guy.
301 00:19:53 Okay.
302 00:19:55 - God! You're so hot! Oh my God!- It's the humidity.
303 00:19:59 Oh, yeah!
304 00:20:05 Holy...
305 00:20:07 Nutting up,definitely not shutting up.
306 00:20:11 Yeah!
307 00:20:28 Shit.
308 00:20:29 Sorry,it's Washington's old flintlock.
309 00:20:32 It's a gift to Dwight D. Eisenhowerfrom the emperor of Japan.
310 00:20:35 Oh, touché.
311 00:20:36 - I heard a strange noise.- Yeah, I've been hearing some strange noises too.
312 00:20:39 Oh, yeah.That was us having sex.
313 00:20:42 Rule number one.
314 00:20:44 Yeah,maybe rule number 32 for her.
315 00:20:47 What? Hey.
316 00:20:50 Okay. Ready?
317 00:20:53 - Go!- Okay, let's go. Come on.
318 00:20:55 Oh, fuck.
319 00:20:57 Shit.
320 00:20:59 Honey, I'm home.
321 00:21:01 Oh, my God, you're back. I mean,you're back or whatever. That's cool.
322 00:21:04 I'm not staying.I just came to get weapons.
323 00:21:06 - At 1:00 in the morning?- Yeah, after a month missing.
324 00:21:10 Little Rock's gone.
325 00:21:25 It was great. It felt so goodto be on the move again.
326 00:21:28 Yeah, we've been having, like,a really good time here too, right? Together.
327 00:21:33 We picked up someone new.Just a boy.
328 00:21:36 He's a couple years older than Little Rock,and he's from Berkeley.
329 00:21:40 - Berkeley?- Mm-hm.
330 00:21:42 ♪ Don't worry ♪
331 00:21:43 - You said Berkeley?- Yes.
332 00:21:45 Berke-fucking-ley?
333 00:21:50 He plays the guitar.
334 00:21:52 Shut the fuck up right now!I know what you're about to tell me.
335 00:21:55 She's dating a musician!
336 00:21:58 Hey, come on, dude. Don't you think you're,like, overreacting maybe, like, a little bit?
337 00:22:04 Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be overreacting.I'm sorry. You're right.
338 00:22:10 You go ahead.
339 00:22:12 And he's a pacifist.
340 00:22:14 He has survived on a strict policyof conflict avoidance, like Gandhi.
341 00:22:20 No!
342 00:22:26 Birkenstock sandals,wheatgrass!
343 00:22:29 Fucking basketballs!
344 00:22:39 No, I really...I have nothing against pacifists.
345 00:22:43 I just wanna beatthe shit out of them.
346 00:22:47 ♪ This is my message to you ♪♪
347 00:22:55 Wow, I mean...You have a beautiful voice.
348 00:23:00 - Thank you very much. Thank you.- Yeah.
349 00:23:03 Hey, have you ever heardof this place, Graceland?
350 00:23:07 Elvis was a fraud.He ripped off the black man.
351 00:23:11 Oh. I don't know.I've just always wanted to go there.
352 00:23:15 Yeah, me too.Yeah.
353 00:23:18 - Graceland would be cool.- Yeah. Yeah, it would be.
354 00:23:23 I was adamant it was a dumb idea,so I did what I never do with her.
355 00:23:27 I told her no. And you canprobably guess what happened next.
356 00:23:35 She left a note,and then she hit the road.
357 00:23:44 Does anyone else getthe irony in that?
358 00:23:48 Huh?
359 00:23:49 I'm so worried,you guys.
360 00:23:52 They're travelling all that way,and all they have is a fucking guitar.
361 00:23:55 Yeah, with no intention of ever swingingit at anything. You know, because he's a hippie.
362 00:24:00 - She's supposed be killing the dead, not following them.- Oh, God.
363 00:24:04 - There's something going on out there.- What?
364 00:24:07 Berkeley told us about this new kindof zombie that's stronger, and faster,
365 00:24:12 and deadlier and better adaptedto the hunt.
366 00:24:16 What? I'm sorry, but that sounds totally made up.I mean, if you want us to come with you, just, like, ask us.
367 00:24:20 - Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition.- Sure. Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it.
368 00:24:24 - You know, this is all your fault.- Me?
369 00:24:26 - If you hadn't pushed her away...- Well, not exactly.
370 00:24:29 No, I didn't just run from him.She ran from you too.
371 00:24:34 What?
372 00:24:36 You... You mean well,but you're kind of overbearing.
373 00:24:42 - Oh, right. I'm overbearing?- She's not a kid anymore.
374 00:24:46 Yeah, she's not a kid, but I don't know,it sounds like she needs us.
375 00:24:49 Whatever.We're gonna go get her.
376 00:24:52 We ride at dawn.
377 00:24:55 Once she's safe,I'm going my own way.
378 00:25:00 So no goodbye, just like...
379 00:25:03 - Yeah, I'm terrible at notes.- A lame note.
380 00:25:05 Yeah, I know.You mentioned that in the note.
381 00:25:10 I...
382 00:25:13 I might have overreacteda little bit.
383 00:25:16 I mean, the proposal kindof spooked me.
384 00:25:20 You know what I'm trying to say.
385 00:25:23 Oh, God. I'm sorry.
386 00:25:25 You know how hard it isfor me to say that
387 00:25:27 because I hate women who are always apologisingfor things they have no reason to apologise for.
388 00:25:32 But in this particular instance,I actually am really sorry.
389 00:25:39 Well, thank you.That actually does mean a lot.
390 00:25:42 I don't know.Maybe this could be like a...
391 00:25:45 Like a turning point for us.
392 00:25:47 Yeah, maybe.
393 00:25:49 Columbus, you coming back to bed?
394 00:25:57 Wow.
395 00:25:59 Oh, boy.
396 00:26:01 I mean, wow!
397 00:26:06 Glad we had this little talk.Real turning point.
398 00:26:11 Hi.
399 00:26:15 - Is that your sister?- Oh, fuck.
400 00:26:22 - You definitely don't need any help. Cool.- No, I've got it.
401 00:26:25 The Beast is back.
402 00:26:27 I cannot waitto get my hands behind the...
403 00:26:31 What the fuck?
404 00:26:34 No, no, no.
405 00:26:37 No way is that GD minivaneven sniffing at Graceland,
406 00:26:41 home to perhaps America's finest automobile,Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.
407 00:26:49 No. You know, it takes a real manto drive a pink Cadillac.
408 00:26:55 Might make that a rule of my own.
409 00:26:58 On second thought, fuck that,rules are for pussies.
410 00:27:00 - Nothing personal.- How could it not be personal? That's my whole thing.
411 00:27:03 - Yeah, you're right. It was personal.- Yeah. Come on. It's gonna be okay.
412 00:27:07 Even Tallahassee knowsbeggars can't be choosers.
413 00:27:09 Vehicles with working batteriesand parts are way scarcer nowadays,
414 00:27:13 thanks to years of neglectand decline.
415 00:27:16 Breakaway mirror.
416 00:27:17 We can't be so picky anymore.
417 00:27:19 - Clear.- What? Oh, okay.
418 00:27:21 Boo-ya!
419 00:27:22 Okay.
420 00:27:28 This never happened.
421 00:27:29 - I'll get the door.- I got it. I'm gonna lay in the back.
422 00:27:34 - Oh, catch.- Oh!
423 00:27:36 Shoot. Ha, ha. I got it!
424 00:27:39 What in the butt?
425 00:27:42 - Ah, shit.- What?
426 00:27:44 - Hi!- Hi.
427 00:27:47 Are we dropping her offat a no-kill animal shelter or something?
428 00:27:50 Come on, she's a human being.We're not gonna, like, leave her here alone.
429 00:27:53 - Yeah, we can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend.- Okay.
430 00:27:58 A minivan. Nice.
431 00:27:59 I won't feel guilty.You left me in the harshest way possible.
432 00:28:02 - You recovered pretty quickly.- Well, thank you.
433 00:28:04 Can you help me?
434 00:28:05 - I got it.- Okay.
435 00:28:07 - It's just, like, heavy. Thank you.- No problem.
436 00:28:09 - Go ahead, get in.- Okay. You are so nice.
437 00:28:21 Makkapitew, Askuwheteau,Sunukkuhkau...
438 00:28:24 Is he having a seizure?
439 00:28:26 I'm trying out Blackfoot names, so full shushyor you go back in your mall fridge.
440 00:28:31 - Okay.- Oh.
441 00:28:33 I didn't tell you.We met at the mall.
442 00:28:35 Yeah.I was living there.
443 00:28:39 Like Dawn of the Dead.
444 00:28:41 Last I checked,it's the post-acropolis.
445 00:28:44 - It was so sad when the acropolis struck.- Yeah, I know.
446 00:28:50 Hey, Madison, can you remind me, when we first met,did you point a gun at me and steal my car?
447 00:28:54 No. When we first met,I told you you were really smart.
448 00:28:59 - Oh, yeah.- And then I slept with you.
449 00:29:03 That's right. You did.
450 00:29:07 Road trip! Here we go!
451 00:29:10 This is gonna be a long drive.
452 00:29:21 I love the smell of gunpowderin the morning.
453 00:29:24 I'm more of a patchouli oil guy myself.
454 00:29:28 You don't...You don't have weed, do you?
455 00:29:32 I've always wanted to smokeway too much weed.
456 00:29:35 Do I look like the type of personthat would have weed on me?
457 00:29:39 - Oh, no. I w... That... I'm sorry, that was...- Boom, yeah.
458 00:29:44 - Of course I do. Oh, I love weed.- You got me there.
459 00:29:47 - Look. I mean, look at me.- Yeah.
460 00:29:50 I just wanted to say it's really niceto have another woman around.
461 00:29:56 Yeah.
462 00:29:57 Like,to talk about relationships.
463 00:30:00 - Recipes.- Rings.
464 00:30:04 Oh, my God.
465 00:30:06 - Oh, my God.- Oh, shit.
466 00:30:09 I know.
467 00:30:10 I found it in the bedside drawer.I think it belonged to the first lady or...
468 00:30:14 You know what? I think you're right.It did belong to the first lady.
469 00:30:19 Well, I think it was given to the first lady,but she heartlessly rejected it.
470 00:30:23 What kind of idiot would turn downa ring like this?
471 00:30:27 Maybe an idiot who didn'twanna be weighed down.
472 00:30:32 - Anchored. Chained to something immobile.- Hm.
473 00:30:38 - Oh, shit. Are you okay?- Oh, shoot!
474 00:30:41 Forgot the seatbelt rule.
475 00:30:43 So she knows the rules?
476 00:30:45 I mean,I told her just a few of them.
477 00:30:47 - Seventy-three. Are there more?- Nope, that's it.
478 00:30:51 - I gotta check this out.- You guys have spent a lot of time together, huh?
479 00:30:55 That's sweet.
480 00:30:56 You're cute together.I like it.
481 00:30:59 Aww.
482 00:31:09 This looks promising.
483 00:31:17 He's so flexible.
484 00:31:20 That's what's so great about him.He's very bendy.
485 00:31:22 - Ohio, whenever you're done with that...- What? Yeah.
486 00:31:29 Ah!
487 00:31:30 What? No.No, no, no. No way. Nonstarter.
488 00:31:33 You know how I feelabout clowns.
489 00:31:35 - No, not that.- What?
490 00:31:37 - That.- Oh.
491 00:31:42 Looks good.
492 00:31:45 - Can I see?- Hm?
493 00:31:46 Can I see?
494 00:31:48 Yeah. Here you go.
495 00:31:50 Yeah.
496 00:31:54 The old man is so tiny.
497 00:31:57 - Can you see that?- Ha, ha, ha.
498 00:31:59 What's-his-name, you're so tiny.
499 00:32:01 Now you're not. Now you are.
500 00:32:04 Now you're not. Now you are.Now you're not.
501 00:32:06 Tiny. Big. Tiny!
502 00:32:08 - She is adorable.- She is. I'm lucky.
503 00:32:12 Tiny. Big. Tiny.
504 00:32:15 Look, you're overreacting, okay?
505 00:32:17 Madison's not, like, a real thing.
506 00:32:18 It was just circumstance.It was, like, a lack of options.
507 00:32:21 - You could say the same thing about us.- What?
508 00:32:23 - Circumstance, lack of options.- Really? You really think that?
509 00:32:27 Whereas you two seem like soul mates.Destined to share deep, intellectual thoughts.
510 00:32:31 Maybe you're right, maybe we are soul mates,okay? Because she's nice, all right?
511 00:32:35 And I'm nice. And you're not.You're mean.
512 00:32:38 - Whatever. I'm not mean.- Yeah, you're kind of mean.
513 00:32:41 Well, my sister is missing.
514 00:32:42 She could be dead, and you're screwingsome Forever 21-year-old.
515 00:32:45 - So if I wanna be mean, I'll be mean.- I don't have the right shoes for this.
516 00:32:48 - Oh, you could borrow a pair of my strappy sandals.- Really?
517 00:32:51 Mm-hm.
518 00:32:54 Kidding. You... She was ki...You guys are all very sarcastic.
519 00:32:58 Yeah, they're not nice people.Sorry about that. Just try to ignore them.
520 00:33:01 Yeah. Yeah.
521 00:33:02 - Ignore us.- Please, God, ignore us.
522 00:33:04 See? Mean.
523 00:33:08 All right!
524 00:33:10 This is what I'm talking about.
525 00:33:12 We're finally gonna be riding in style.
526 00:33:14 You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Downin one of these. It was so...
527 00:33:18 Oh, shit.
528 00:33:25 What?
529 00:33:27 - Man, we're getting good at this.- Columbus.
530 00:33:29 Tallahassee.
531 00:33:30 - The hood is 12 o'clock, trunk is 6. You're our eyes.- Yes.
532 00:33:35 Hey, don't worry, you guys.
533 00:33:37 They are much more afraid of usthan we are of them.
534 00:33:40 God, that is not evenremotely true.
535 00:33:43 Well, what do I do?
536 00:33:45 - You know how cheerleaders form a pyramid?- Yeah.
537 00:33:47 - You know how the three on the bottom anchor the pyramid?- Oh, yeah.
538 00:33:51 I don't give a shit what you do,just stay out of my way.
539 00:33:54 Okay, 8 o'clock.Eight o'clock.
540 00:33:56 Did you say the front was 12?Oh, fuck me. Sorry. Two o'clock.
541 00:33:59 Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!
542 00:34:02 Six o'clock. Six!
543 00:34:04 I'll get 6.
544 00:34:08 Shit. One-fifteen.
545 00:34:09 One-thirteen, 1:20. I don't know.It's moving that way.
546 00:34:11 - Why is everyone shouting numbers?- Eleven!
547 00:34:15 - Twelve!- Six!
548 00:34:17 Two o'clock!
549 00:34:19 Eight.
550 00:34:21 - Six o'clock.- Shit.
551 00:34:27 One o'clock. Six-thirty.
552 00:34:30 Ten! Eight!
553 00:34:32 - Eight o'clock! Eight!- Shit.
554 00:34:35 Shit!
555 00:34:42 - Narsty!- Thank you.
556 00:34:45 You're welcome.
557 00:34:46 One o'clock!
558 00:34:47 Two-thirty! Three! One!
559 00:34:51 Okay. I'll get 3.
560 00:34:54 Right on time, Columbus.
561 00:34:57 One o'clock!Ten-thirty!
562 00:35:01 Eleven! Eleven!
563 00:35:02 Actually, you know what,it's a Homer.
564 00:35:04 - Abort! Abort 11. Don't waste a bullet.- Hawking!
565 00:35:08 - Hawking!- What? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
566 00:35:16 Ha-ha-ha! Yay!
567 00:35:19 - Ah! He's trying to bite me!- Ninja! Ninja!
568 00:35:21 Oh, my God!
569 00:35:24 You saved me.
570 00:35:26 All right. Settle down.
571 00:35:31 - Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock.- Pardon me, Pop-Tart.
572 00:35:35 Not quite done yet.
573 00:35:46 What the fuck?
574 00:35:52 Try to dodge me, motherfucker.
575 00:35:56 This was our first T-800,named for the Terminator it-fucking-self.
576 00:36:03 - Tal?- Yup?
577 00:36:09 T-800s were a mutated strainof zombie,
578 00:36:12 stronger, deadlierand harder to kill.
579 00:36:17 One plus one is still two,right?
580 00:36:27 They were the apex predator,top of the food chain.
581 00:36:31 Single-minded and relentlesslike their namesake,
582 00:36:34 once they locked on to a target, T-800s stoppedat nothing to devour their prey.
583 00:36:39 What the ever-loving fuck?
584 00:36:54 Ew.
585 00:36:55 Seeing that T-800 firsthandwas all the more worrisome
586 00:36:58 knowing that Little Rock was out therewith nothing but a hippie and a guitar.
587 00:37:04 ♪ Like a rolling stone ♪♪
588 00:37:11 Okay. That song is amazing.
589 00:37:14 Did you write that?
590 00:37:18 Wa... Was that a dumb question?
591 00:37:20 - Sorry, I was like 11 when the zombies took over.- Not a dumb question.
592 00:37:23 I was laughing because you thinkI'd play you some stupid cover song.
593 00:37:26 No, of course I wrote it.
594 00:37:27 If you love that, then you'rereally gonna love this.
595 00:37:31 But it's a work in progress,so be gentle.
596 00:37:36 ♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪
597 00:37:43 ♪ Would you still remember me? ♪♪
598 00:37:50 ♪ Well, I must be travellingon now ♪
599 00:37:54 A poem by Tallahassee.
600 00:37:57 Travelling to Gracelandin comfort and class
601 00:38:03 That Pontiac Trans Sport cankiss my ass
602 00:38:08 Whoo-hoo!
603 00:38:11 Here we go, baby!
604 00:38:14 Let's go see the Kingand let's go get Little Rock!
605 00:38:22 ♪ 'Cause I'm as free... ♪♪
606 00:38:28 - Did... Did we just get...- Shorter?
607 00:38:33 I say we take the clown car.
608 00:38:36 No, no, no. No! That is a deal-breaker.No fucking clowns!
609 00:38:47 In moments of great dishonour such as this,
610 00:38:51 ancient samurai warriorswere required to commit seppuku,
611 00:38:56 or ritual suicide by disembowelment.
612 00:39:06 My mom had this car.
613 00:39:07 - So did mine.- So did mine.
614 00:39:13 Fucking minivan.
615 00:39:15 Back on the road. Yay.
616 00:39:27 I've always wantedto start a business
617 00:39:30 where strangers drive strangersaround in their car for money.
618 00:39:35 Let's say you were really drunkand you needed a ride home.
619 00:39:38 You'd just get onlineand hop right in with a stranger.
620 00:39:42 And they'd take youanywhere you wanna go.
621 00:39:45 Oh, yeah.Who then kills you.
622 00:39:47 - Yeah.- They'd have gum or, like, lollipops.
623 00:39:50 That was what my parents taught me.
624 00:39:52 They were like, "If a stranger offers youcandy or gum, get in their car." Great idea.
625 00:39:57 If they try to murder you, you can havea point system, so you can rate them.
626 00:40:01 If they try to murder you, like,"You get zero points."
627 00:40:03 - But if they don't try to murder you, "You get five points."- Okay.
628 00:40:07 Madison, I thinkit is a very good idea.
629 00:40:09 - That's... No, I cannot see that going wrong.- All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed.
630 00:40:18 - Uh.- Are you okay?
631 00:40:20 - I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot.- Yeah?
632 00:40:24 Mm-hm. I'm so used to being in the freezerall the time. Get this off.
633 00:40:28 Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.Yeah, that makes sense.
634 00:40:36 I feel funny.My tongue...
635 00:40:39 My tongue...My tongue...
636 00:40:41 - Hey, boss? You're gonna wanna pull over.- Yeah?
637 00:40:44 - No.- Pull over.
638 00:40:45 - No, we're making good progress here.- Pull over!
639 00:40:48 - Yeah, yeah.- Okay. Okay. Okay.
640 00:40:57 - Oh.- Oh.
641 00:40:58 Chunkage.
642 00:40:59 I don't know,maybe she'll pull through.
643 00:41:01 What do you mean? You are the onewho always says "don't take chances."
644 00:41:06 So who wantsto do the honours?
645 00:41:10 I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind,but I don't want you guys calling me selfish.
646 00:41:16 Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being.Okay? She's a living being.
647 00:41:21 Look, I know you guys arein love or whatever,
648 00:41:26 but in two minutes,she's gonna become a:
649 00:41:30 A zombie, not a velociraptor.And it's the right thing to do.
650 00:41:34 If you love something, you shoot it in the faceso it doesn't become a flesh-eating monster.
651 00:41:41 - I know.- She's making a good point.
652 00:41:44 Maybe it's time for youto be the Brave Little Toaster.
653 00:41:55 They say when something bad happens,you have three choices:
654 00:41:59 Let it define you, destroy youor strengthen you.
655 00:42:06 Time to teach Lennieabout the rabbits.
656 00:42:13 - No! Don't come with me! Don't come with me!- Madison, Madison, please.
657 00:42:17 - Madison, please. Please, please.- Don't hurt me!
658 00:42:19 - No, no, no!- Wait. Listen to me!
659 00:42:21 - Please. Wait.- No, no, no!
660 00:42:22 - Madison, just wait.- I'm a monster.
661 00:42:24 - I'm a monster.- Please, please, please.
662 00:42:26 Listen. I realise that we don'tknow each other that well.
663 00:42:29 I mean, well, we do in the biblical sense, yes.But I think you're a really great person.
664 00:42:36 Well, not now.
665 00:42:40 I'm sorry.
666 00:42:55 Thanks.
667 00:42:57 Can we just...
668 00:42:59 - I'm so sorry.- All right. Just... Come on, come on, let's go.
669 00:43:14 I'm not gonna lie and saythat I'm broken up about it, but...
670 00:43:20 I am sorry.
671 00:43:22 - She didn't deserve that.- Thanks, man.
672 00:43:24 - Thanks.- He's right.
673 00:43:26 That's a terrible way to go,even for...
674 00:43:31 - Oh, come on. It's Madison. You know that.- Madison. Madison.
675 00:43:33 Yes, you know that, okay? Her name is Madison.Or her name was Madison.
676 00:43:37 You know, and she wasa real person, okay?
677 00:43:39 She had, you know, complex feelingsand emotions and interests.
678 00:43:43 You know, she liked dolphins and rainbows,you know? And double rainbows.
679 00:43:48 I'm agreeing.It's sad.
680 00:43:51 - Okay.- That is obviously not what I wanted.
681 00:43:53 - What is it that you do want?- I wanna find my sister.
682 00:43:55 Me too.
683 00:43:56 - Good.- Good.
684 00:43:58 - Good. Great. Awesome.- Great, in fact. Great.
685 00:44:01 This is gonna be a long drive.
686 00:44:14 This is it.
687 00:44:16 Hey, little buddy, don't be cruel to mefor waking you up, but we're here.
688 00:44:22 Oh! Oh, my God.
689 00:44:25 Oh, my God.
690 00:44:28 Every choice I've ever made in my lifehas been leading me to this moment right here,
691 00:44:34 right now,3764 Elvis Presley Boulevard.
692 00:44:37 I feel like a 1954 teenybopper.
693 00:44:40 And here comes...
694 00:44:44 No.
695 00:44:48 No, no, no!
696 00:44:50 Hey, dude, if you needa moment or...
697 00:44:53 Oh, my God.No Graceland.
698 00:44:55 No Beast.
699 00:44:57 - No Little Rock.- No Little Rock?
700 00:45:00 Am I not allowed one cock-suckingduck-fucking little break in this world?
701 00:45:06 You're not the only onethat's upset.
702 00:45:08 Just... Just drive.Drive, drive. Drive now!
703 00:45:12 Get away from here. Go!
704 00:45:18 Graceland wasa pile of rubble,
705 00:45:20 Little Rock was still missing,and we were unsure of our next move.
706 00:45:24 But sometimes, you just haveto follow the signs.
707 00:45:26 Hm.
708 00:45:29 When Z-land serves you lemons...
709 00:45:33 Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock.
710 00:45:38 What?
711 00:45:40 Hound Dog Hotel.Oh, what a bunch of bull.
712 00:45:46 - Whoa! The Beast!- Little Rock!
713 00:45:56 Damn. Wow,
714 00:45:59 for a place that ain't Graceland, it surelooks a hell of a lot like Graceland.
715 00:46:03 - Yeah, it does.- Here's the idea. We'll split up. I'll go this way.
716 00:46:06 No, no, no.I should talk to her.
717 00:46:08 - I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here.- Sound.
718 00:46:14 Bop, bop, bop!
719 00:46:16 - Little respect.- Why? He's dead probably.
720 00:46:19 Oh. Oh, for you.Okay.
721 00:46:24 - This is so degrading.- It's not for me.
722 00:46:26 Yeah, I know.
723 00:46:28 Okay.
724 00:46:30 - Oh, yeah. That's not... Push it.- Smells like a wet dog died.
725 00:46:33 - I am. Okay.- Square peg, round hole. Stop.
726 00:46:35 Sorry.
727 00:46:41 Oh, my God.It's uncanny.
728 00:46:43 This is incredible.
729 00:46:46 It's a perfect fit. I feel likeCinderella at the ball.
730 00:46:49 What, are you jealous that I havethe exact same size shoe as Elvis Presley?
731 00:46:53 No. It's not like those areElvis' actual shoes.
732 00:47:01 Sorry.
733 00:47:22 ♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪
734 00:47:29 Little Rock?
735 00:47:35 ♪...ladies are insane there ♪
736 00:47:41 ♪ And they sure knowhow to use it ♪
737 00:47:50 ♪ Well,I've never been to heaven ♪♪
738 00:47:57 - Start talking.- You first.
739 00:48:00 - Hi, my name's Tallahassee.- Nevada.
740 00:48:03 - Which part?- Nevada's as close as you get.
741 00:48:06 Now, what are you doingin the Hound Dog?
742 00:48:08 I got a thing for the King.
743 00:48:12 No, no, no,don't shoot my friends.
744 00:48:15 - Anybody else in here with you?- No, no. Just us.
745 00:48:18 We're all civilised people.Let's just put the guns down.
746 00:48:21 Why the hell are you wearingElvis' actual shoes?
747 00:48:24 Comfort.
748 00:48:27 - You live here?- Yeah.
749 00:48:29 So that car out front, the girlwho was driving it, is she...
750 00:48:32 Gone. She and that poserpeace lover of hers...
751 00:48:35 - Berkeley.- Berkeley.
752 00:48:38 ...took off a few days ago.
753 00:48:39 And trust me, they shouldn't have.It's not safe out there.
754 00:48:42 - Damn it.- Why didn't they take the Beast?
755 00:48:45 - He said it was too "establishment."- Oh, I will kill that little fart snack myself.
756 00:48:51 You're lucky I didn't do the same to you. Seriously.You know how close I came to Murraying you?
757 00:48:59 To what-ing him?
758 00:49:01 Murraying him.
759 00:49:03 You know, when you shoot someonebecause you think they're a zombie.
760 00:49:06 Apparently,that's how Bill Murray died.
761 00:49:09 Wow. God, who's Bill Murray?I never... I don't even know what that is.
762 00:49:12 Oh, the actor. That's so sad.I don't read, like, Variety or anything.
763 00:49:17 So sad. Sorry if you knew him.If you didn't, I'm still sorry.
764 00:49:19 It's sad when anybody dies.Sounds like an urban legend though.
765 00:49:22 - It happened.- I doubt it. It's weird. What?
766 00:49:28 I'll say this about Murray, if I everfind out who did him, I'm gonna do him.
767 00:49:34 Me too. I'll be...You first, but me second.
768 00:49:36 Don't listen to this guy.He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.
769 00:49:39 The girl that was here before,did she say where she was going?
770 00:49:43 No, but that idiot Berkeleywouldn't shut up about it.
771 00:49:48 Babylon is a commune, safe haven,protected on all sides.
772 00:49:51 Completely pacifist.No guns or violence of any kind.
773 00:49:55 A lot of young people too, you know.Generation Z living in peace and harmony.
774 00:49:59 Yeah, it sounds cool.
775 00:50:00 I know you had your heart set on this Graceland,but this is mucho, mucho better.
776 00:50:13 This is a very good replica of the King's Jungle Room,where he recorded his last two albums.
777 00:50:18 From Elvis Presley Boulevard,Memphis, Tennessee and...
778 00:50:22 And Moody Blue.
779 00:50:24 You know your Elvis.
780 00:50:27 Every lover ofthe King has a story.
781 00:50:31 What's yours?
782 00:50:33 My mama took me to see Elviswhen I was a kid. Something about him.
783 00:50:37 - Attitude, the music...- The hips, the ass.
784 00:50:41 Well, I was 10, but, you know, with Elvis,there is something for everyone.
785 00:50:45 Cut to later, I'm in high school.And my buddy Frankie Hammond says:
786 00:50:50 "Do your Elvis."
787 00:50:52 I said, "We're in a library.It's gonna be loud."
788 00:50:56 He convinces me. He startstapping his pencil, and I get up.
789 00:51:03 ♪ You ain't nothing but a hound dogCrying all the time ♪
790 00:51:10 Everybody starts gathering aroundand clapping, and I jumped on a table.
791 00:51:14 I finish off with a flourish.
792 00:51:15 ♪ You ain't never caught a rabbitYou ain't no friend of mine ♪♪
793 00:51:21 Yeah! And the whole place,thunderous applause.
794 00:51:24 And up comes the cutest girlin the school,
795 00:51:27 Robin Rogers, who never gave methe time of day before.
796 00:51:31 She plants a kiss on my cheek.
797 00:51:34 And for a moment, just one,I felt like the King.
798 00:51:41 I suddenly feel a little jealousof Robin Rogers.
799 00:51:45 Ahem.You don't say.
800 00:51:49 I don't know about you...
801 00:51:52 but I feel my temperature rising.
802 00:52:03 This is Babylon.
803 00:52:06 Oh, like those ancient hanging gardens.
804 00:52:09 - Huh?- Of Babylon.
805 00:52:11 No, no. It's namedfor that cool David Gray song.
806 00:52:14 Man, I wish I'd written that one.
807 00:52:17 No guns allowed is our one rule.
808 00:52:20 - That, and no group sex.- All right. Hand them over.
809 00:52:26 Here you go.
810 00:52:28 No guns. No guns.Just hugs.
811 00:52:31 Then welcome.
812 00:52:33 Come on, señorita. You're gonna love this place.It's completely safe and entirely organic.
813 00:52:37 - This is so cool.- All right.
814 00:52:39 We're gonna melt your guns over hereand then give you a pendant.
815 00:52:42 - They melt it?- Yeah, they melt it.
816 00:52:43 It's a symbolic thing.
817 00:52:45 Goodbye, violence.Hello, peace.
818 00:52:48 Once we're done here, we'll take you upto the rooftop. I hope you like stairs.
819 00:52:52 That's good.
820 00:52:57 - Thanks.- Welcome to Babylon.
821 00:52:59 Let me show you the way.
822 00:53:01 Right on.
823 00:53:07 Hey, brother. What's up?
824 00:53:09 - Hi.- Yeah.
825 00:53:30 Wake up, my little blue suede baby.It's now or never.
826 00:53:35 Hoo!
827 00:53:36 My friends say you'resleeping like a tired pup.
828 00:53:41 What the fuck?
829 00:53:43 Shit.
830 00:53:52 Oh, no, no, no!
831 00:53:54 This is not happening!
832 00:53:56 This is not fucking happening!
833 00:53:59 Hey, motherfucker,that's my ride!
834 00:54:01 Oh, my apologies, tiny Elvis. Just didn'texpect anything to be parked in my driveway.
835 00:54:07 Your driveway?
836 00:54:10 That's right.My driveway.
837 00:54:13 Well, that's funny. When I parkedin it, no one told me to pull out.
838 00:54:18 Well, actually,it's my driveway.
839 00:54:20 Hey, Nevada.
840 00:54:22 But see, when I'm in town,I use it.
841 00:54:27 Well, I'm in town now,and I'm using it.
842 00:54:30 Keep talking like this, and I can arrangeso neither of you ever uses my driveway again.
843 00:54:35 - I don't think they're talking about the driveway.- No, I don't think so.
844 00:54:39 - You happy now? Great. Good move.- Satisfied? Good job.
845 00:54:41 - Is it me, or does he kind of remind you of...?- Yeah, it's weird.
846 00:54:44 - I don't like you at all.- I don't like you at all.
847 00:54:47 It's not weird,it's creepy.
848 00:54:48 - It's like an un-funhouse mirror.- I think you double-parked or more perpendicular-parked.
849 00:54:53 - Hope we don't get a ticket.- Whoa.
850 00:54:55 - Calm down. It's okay.- I'm just ragging you.
851 00:54:57 - What is going on here?- What?
852 00:55:00 - What do you mean, "what"?- What?
853 00:55:02 - Does he not remind you of...?- Hello everyone.
854 00:55:05 Of...Of what?
855 00:55:07 - This is Albuquerque. I'm Flagstaff.- Howdy.
856 00:55:09 Hey.I'm Columbus.
857 00:55:10 Oh, great.
858 00:55:13 This is Tallahassee, Wichita,and I guess you know Nevada.
859 00:55:16 - Yes, I do.- Easy, cowboy.
860 00:55:18 So sorry about your ex-car. I guess,as I like to say, expect the unexpected.
861 00:55:25 - It's one of my commandments.- Oh.
862 00:55:28 - Commandments?- Yeah.
863 00:55:29 Just sort of guidelines for staying alive.I've got loads of them.
864 00:55:32 - Interesting.- Yeah, number one is teamwork.
865 00:55:35 - Teamwork. That's so great.- Thanks. I actually spent a long time thinking about it.
866 00:55:38 - I have rules, you know, which is, like, less biblical.- Love rules.
867 00:55:42 Without rules,everything's chaos.
868 00:55:44 - Thank you.- Columbus has quite a few rules.
869 00:55:46 - I do.- Awesome.
870 00:55:48 Like what?
871 00:55:48 - I don't wanna toot my own horn.- Go on, toot, toot.
872 00:55:51 - Let me toot for him.- Thank you.
873 00:55:53 - Number one, cardio.- That's right.
874 00:55:56 Cardio.Okay.
875 00:55:57 - What?- I don't mean to laugh.
876 00:55:59 It's just that cardiovascular fitnessis his number 29,
877 00:56:03 meaning he has 28 other commandmentsthat he finds more important,
878 00:56:07 like, say,what's one of your great ones?
879 00:56:09 Number 12.
880 00:56:11 The world is your bathroom, meaning you canjust whip it out wherever you want,
881 00:56:14 and just have at it.
882 00:56:15 Oh, just whip it out wherever you want!That sounds a little uncouth.
883 00:56:19 The "whip it out" part's for guys, obviously.If you're a woman, you can reveal it.
884 00:56:24 - Whichever.- I have beware of bathrooms.
885 00:56:27 Yeah, I'm just generally carefularound them.
886 00:56:29 - We don't have to compare. It's not a competition.- Doesn't have to be.
887 00:56:32 But number 18 is limber up.
888 00:56:34 - But that's...- That's fine. I have warm up.
889 00:56:36 Again, not a competition,but commandment number 45 for me is,
890 00:56:40 well, mind your manners.
891 00:56:42 Just because it's the apocalypsedoesn't mean you have to be rude.
892 00:56:44 Yeah, keep your hands to yourself, number 42.Do you have sunscreen?
893 00:56:47 - Just shade.- Shade. Of course.
894 00:56:49 It's free. It's everywhere.Yeah. Number two, double tap.
895 00:56:52 - I have number five, confirm your kill.- Confirm your kill.
896 00:56:56 - Avoid perishables. Do you have that?- Sorry. Ziploc bags.
897 00:56:59 - Same thing, different word. Yeah.- Yeah. Exactly.
898 00:57:01 I probably would shy awayfrom the word "Ziploc"
899 00:57:03 because I tryto avoid name brands.
900 00:57:05 Okay, great. So, what broughtyou guys back so soon?
901 00:57:08 We was headed for the Rockies,but the goddamn Bolts...
902 00:57:11 Bolts?
903 00:57:12 - Yeah.- Yeah, the zombies out on the plains.
904 00:57:14 They're a lot tougher thanwhat we're used to.
905 00:57:16 I guess because of all the running and hunting.So we call them Bolts, as in Usain.
906 00:57:22 - As in pretty fucking athletic.- Oh, yeah. No, that makes total sense.
907 00:57:25 - We actually call them T-800s.- Terminator. Yes! I love it.
908 00:57:28 - Really?- Yes. Literally my favourite movie. Well, T2.
909 00:57:30 - Yeah, T2 is my second favourite movie.- What's number one?
910 00:57:34 It's Fantasia.
911 00:57:37 Well, anyhow, the Bolts' food sources are running low,so they're pushing east, which is no bueno.
912 00:57:42 You know what else isno bueno?
913 00:57:45 You murdered the Beast.
914 00:57:47 Yeah, well, let me call AAAfor you. I'm sure they'll be right over.
915 00:57:52 So you haveto play your cards as...
916 00:57:54 That onesie was startingto cut off my circulation.
917 00:57:57 To your vagina?
918 00:57:59 Your vagina.
919 00:58:00 - What'll you have, Florida?- He strikes me as the lemon drop type.
920 00:58:05 You know, something with an umbrellaor something like that.
921 00:58:08 - I heard "something with an umbrella." Make it two.- Three please. Three.
922 00:58:12 So that's your sidekick.
923 00:58:14 That there's my partner.
924 00:58:15 You might look at Flagstaff and think,"Oh, he's a little slight, diminutive."
925 00:58:21 Effeminate even, but he's a real beastin battle. Yeah.
926 00:58:25 Come on now. You're being sweet.You sweet, sweet man.
927 00:58:27 - Thank you.- Well, I love you.
928 00:58:28 Love you too.
929 00:58:29 Yeah, you know, Tubbs to my Crockett over here.He may look a little bookish, but he's an animal too.
930 00:58:35 He eats zombies for breakfast,shits them out by lunch.
931 00:58:38 Cheers.
932 00:58:39 He shits out everythingby lunch.
933 00:58:44 What the hell was that?
934 00:58:50 They must havefucking followed you.
935 00:58:52 Oh, God, those are T-800s.
936 00:58:54 Or at the very least T-700s.
937 00:58:56 - There actually was no T-700.- Yeah, T-800's the first model.
938 00:58:58 - This is great, having two of you.- Okay.
939 00:59:02 Time to nut up or shut up.
940 00:59:04 That saying's very 2009.
941 00:59:11 Okay.We got this.
942 00:59:12 Ho!
943 00:59:13 You don't senda boy to do a man's job.
944 00:59:16 We brought them here.We'll take care of it.
945 00:59:18 Yeah, you know what?Have at them.
946 00:59:20 - Yeah, you have a safe word in case things go bad?- Ha. That's good.
947 00:59:24 - Come on, Flag, let's show these fuckers how it's done.- Sure. You got it, boss.
948 00:59:28 Hasta la vista, baby.Terminator 2.
949 00:59:31 Remember?
950 00:59:32 Whoo! Ready, buddy?
951 00:59:33 He's so cool.
952 00:59:35 - Whoo! Hell!- Suck these bullets!
953 00:59:38 Come on! Get you some!
954 00:59:39 - Anybody else find those two uniquely annoying?- Get it!
955 00:59:43 Uniquely?No.
956 00:59:47 Well,I don't love their chances.
957 00:59:48 And they ignored rule 52,don't be afraid to ask for help.
958 00:59:51 Get fucked in the face,bitch! Whoo!
959 00:59:54 - Flagstaff?- Yeah, boss?
960 00:59:55 You made the all-star team today.I mean, no kidding.
961 00:59:58 Unbelievable job.
962 01:00:00 And is it me, or are those Boltsjust getting meaner by the day?
963 01:00:04 They're full-blown dickheads.
964 01:00:05 I got an action shot of youthat's going right into the scrapbook.
965 01:00:09 This is gonna be a good one.
966 01:00:10 You just keep raising the bar, and that's whywe will continue to ride these highways together.
967 01:00:15 - I'm so proud of you.- Well, I learned from the best.
968 01:00:18 Oh, come on now.
969 01:00:19 - Nice work, Querq.- Thank you. Thank you.
970 01:00:21 - This is gonna be a hell of a shot.- It's so cool he let you wear the hat.
971 01:00:26 - Querq?- Yeah?
972 01:00:28 I think you gota little something here.
973 01:00:32 Oh, what that?
974 01:00:35 Oh, yeah, that's just...That's just a tattoo.
975 01:00:41 - Sorry, you got a tattoo of a zombie bite?- No, it's just a tattoo I got one night in Bernalillo.
976 01:00:50 All right, everybody.Just take it easy.
977 01:00:53 Everything's fine.
978 01:00:55 Nevada, why don't you whip upsome of your signature...
979 01:01:01 All right.That was a little weird, huh?
980 01:01:04 - Yeah.- All right. Just calm down.
981 01:01:07 We'll just kind of have a drink, you know.
982 01:01:10 So we can just kind of celeb...Celeb...
983 01:01:17 Excuse me. It's okay. It's just nervesfrom the fight. Just...
984 01:01:23 You guys, I think Albuquerquemight be infected.
985 01:01:26 Me? I'm infected?
986 01:01:29 You got bit twice.
987 01:01:30 Flagstaff!
988 01:01:31 No, no, no. That's a lie.Trust me. Okay? Trust me.
989 01:01:34 - I don't get bit. I never get bit.- I know. I don't get bit either. We're slippery.
990 01:01:38 - See?- I know. Are you okay?
991 01:01:39 - I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I'm fine.- You are?
992 01:01:42 - I'm fine.- Okay. Okay, guys, he's fine. He's fine.
993 01:01:45 No, he's not fine.No.
994 01:01:46 No. Flagstaff, you're starting to looklike a T-800. Terminator 2.
995 01:01:53 No. No, no, no!
996 01:01:55 No!
997 01:01:58 Move! Move!Get out of the way.
998 01:02:07 No! No!
999 01:02:09 Flagstaff, you're breakinglike 10 commandments right now!
1000 01:02:19 This is for what you didto the Beast!
1001 01:02:23 Sorry!
1002 01:02:26 - How you doing?- Bad!
1003 01:02:27 - How are you?- Bad!
1004 01:02:30 Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis.
1005 01:02:39 Oh, shit.
1006 01:02:42 - How you doing now?- Still bad! You wanna switch?
1007 01:02:45 Switch? How would that benefit me?
1008 01:02:56 Shit!
1009 01:03:04 Help!
1010 01:03:05 - Shoot him! Shoot him!- I don't wanna hit you!
1011 01:03:13 Shit.
1012 01:03:14 Gun, gun, gun! Shit!
1013 01:03:20 Stop shooting!I got this!
1014 01:03:22 Great, because I'm reloading!
1015 01:03:32 Don't swing! Don't swing!Don't swing! Swing!
1016 01:03:36 Shit.
1017 01:03:38 No, no, no, not me!Not me! Oh, fuck!
1018 01:03:41 Hasta la vista, baby.
1019 01:03:44 Thank you.Thank you very much.
1020 01:03:47 Those guys were dicks.
1021 01:03:51 - Great job.- Thank you.
1022 01:03:54 - Can I wear the hat?- Oh, negatory.
1023 01:03:56 Cool.
1024 01:03:57 Zombie Kill of the Year?
1025 01:04:01 Sorry. Not with the performance justturned in by Matteo Bianchi of Pisa, Italy.
1026 01:04:05 Help! I'm a lost touristwith two defenceless children.
1027 01:04:10 Help!
1028 01:04:14 Fucking sons of bitches!
1029 01:04:20 Yeah, yeah. That Pisa.
1030 01:04:22 You won't eat me.
1031 01:04:24 Not today!
1032 01:04:33 Go fuck yourselves!
1033 01:04:36 Bravisimmo, Mateo.
1034 01:04:40 - Ahh. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!- Jesus, Big Fat Death is right.
1035 01:04:45 That thing is, like,a huge rollover risk.
1036 01:04:48 It is.
1037 01:04:50 Hey, dude, I think you shouldask her to come with us.
1038 01:04:53 - No, no, no.- Come on. I think they make a nice match.
1039 01:04:57 Look, what have I been telling you guys?I'm trying to shed baggage, not pick it up.
1040 01:05:01 - Yeah.- Besides, she wouldn't do that. She's not the type.
1041 01:05:08 Stay safe,Sunshine State.
1042 01:05:12 Excuse me.
1043 01:05:18 Stay dangerous, Nevada.
1044 01:05:28 Okay. Hey, no offence,but my sister is still out there.
1045 01:05:32 Wanna hit the old road.
1046 01:05:35 If by some miracle you don't die...
1047 01:05:39 there's always roomin my driveway.
1048 01:05:45 I best stay alive.
1049 01:05:49 Okay, you're back.Good.
1050 01:05:51 So do you know how to driveone of these things?
1051 01:05:53 I'm gonna just pop that puppy off of thereand then you guys can jump in.
1052 01:05:59 Nice.
1053 01:06:02 She's a big old stallion,but I can tame her.
1054 01:06:12 Whoo!
1055 01:06:17 Oh, shit.
1056 01:06:23 - I think he's got the hang of it.- Shit!
1057 01:06:26 - No. No, no.- No, no, no.
1058 01:06:28 Goddamn motherfucker!
1059 01:06:30 Got it.
1060 01:06:39 Fuck, fuck, fuck!
1061 01:06:41 Fuck!
1062 01:06:42 Maybe you should leave a note.
1063 01:06:45 That's your department.
1064 01:06:52 I...I just can't do it.
1065 01:06:55 Yeah.I'll drive.
1066 01:07:03 What was that?
1067 01:07:06 Satisfying.
1068 01:07:13 Teamwork. Always put the team first.I can't believe I didn't have that. Stupid.
1069 01:07:17 You know,if Flagstaff was so great,
1070 01:07:19 then where was the undeniably gorgeousbut emotionally inaccessible Kansas City?
1071 01:07:26 I don't know. Maybe she split becauseshe thought they had a random relationship.
1072 01:07:30 Or maybe she was just about to come back underthe thinly veiled cover of needing guns and ammo.
1073 01:07:37 Wait, what are you getting at?
1074 01:07:40 I think you're smart enoughto figure it out...
1075 01:07:43 Oh, my God.
1076 01:07:44 You gotta be kidding me.
1077 01:07:47 You gotta be kidding me.
1078 01:07:49 - You gotta be kidding me!- You gotta be fucking kidding me.
1079 01:07:53 Why the hell is she still alive?
1080 01:07:55 Oh, my God,I literally missed you guys.
1081 01:07:58 - Yay!- Oh, my God.
1082 01:08:03 Just...No, just look ahead.
1083 01:08:05 Hi, old guy!
1084 01:08:08 Let's hang out.
1085 01:08:09 It is so weird to see you.The last time I saw you, you were like a...
1086 01:08:13 - You were a zombie.- I wish.
1087 01:08:14 Stupid nut allergy.
1088 01:08:16 - Nut allergy?- Yeah.
1089 01:08:18 Yeah, I think it was the trail mixthat Wichita gave me.
1090 01:08:21 Yeah, who knew there were nutsin trail mix.
1091 01:08:23 Not me. I thought it was vegan.
1092 01:08:25 I kept trying to tell you it was only an allergic reaction,but you thought I was trying to bite you.
1093 01:08:30 - Yeah, well...- Not that you minded last time.
1094 01:08:35 Thank youfor shooting over my head.
1095 01:08:37 I was reallyjust tryingto scare you off.
1096 01:08:39 You're not gonna get ridof me that easy.
1097 01:08:41 - Oh, no!- Ha, ha, ha.
1098 01:08:43 There I was hiding in the woods,when I thought, "I used to live in a freezer,
1099 01:08:48 so why not a freezer on wheels?"
1100 01:08:51 Can't argue with that logic.
1101 01:08:53 I really miss this.
1102 01:08:56 - Was that sarcasm?- Was it?
1103 01:08:59 Mm-hm.
1104 01:09:05 Why wouldn't we just move to an island?
1105 01:09:07 - That's a really good idea.- Because then there wouldn't be zombies.
1106 01:09:11 - Of course.- We should go to Temptation Island.
1107 01:09:16 Hey, hey, hey.
1108 01:09:18 - What?- Hey, hey.
1109 01:09:19 - Hey, hey. Hey, hey.- Hey, hey.
1110 01:09:22 Just...Just eyes on the road.
1111 01:09:24 Do you want me to changethe CD or anything?
1112 01:09:26 Is this a CD playing?
1113 01:09:28 - Yeah. It's Port... It's Portishead.- What is this?
1114 01:09:32 - This is Portishead?- Yeah. You know what's funny?
1115 01:09:34 I used to think it was called "Portashed" until I wentto one of the concerts, and she explained.
1116 01:09:39 Yeah, I would think "Portasheed."
1117 01:09:40 - Right. Yeah, that's funny.- Yeah.
1118 01:09:44 It was obvious to me that Wichitaand I were meant to be together,
1119 01:09:47 which is why Madison's returncould not have been worse timing.
1120 01:09:50 Of course, I was glad she wasn't a zombie.But couldn't she have just gone back to her mall fridge?
1121 01:09:58 Hey. Hey, look, look, look.Look.
1122 01:10:04 Look.
1123 01:10:09 We made it to Baby-lon.
1124 01:10:12 If you hear more than the usual excitementin my voice, it's for two reasons.
1125 01:10:17 One, we may have caught upto Little Rock, for real this time.
1126 01:10:21 And two, we may have finally found our forever home,which is what I've been looking for all along.
1127 01:10:28 - Babylon.- I love that song.
1128 01:10:32 This place is soy cute.
1129 01:10:39 - Jesus!- What the fuck?
1130 01:10:42 - Enjoy the little things.- My bags were in there!
1131 01:10:45 - No, they weren't.- No guns allowed!
1132 01:10:50 I like this place already.You got a sense of humour.
1133 01:10:52 No guns allowed.
1134 01:10:54 I'm not giving up my gunsunder any circumstances, period-o.
1135 01:10:59 Well, then, there's no wayyou're getting up to Babylon.
1136 01:11:01 You know, you could always waitin the car.
1137 01:11:07 Do you wanna seeLittle Rock or not?
1138 01:11:24 - There she is.- I wouldn't know. I'm on a 40-day bowel blast.
1139 01:11:27 Little Rock.
1140 01:11:30 - Hey.- Hi.
1141 01:11:33 - What are you guys doing here?- I am so glad you're safe.
1142 01:11:35 - Wow, okay.- Oh, my God.
1143 01:11:38 - Come here.- Hi.
1144 01:11:39 - No, seriously, what are you guys doing here?- Hey, we don't leave each other.
1145 01:11:43 I know, I know.I'm really sorry.
1146 01:11:44 - Make me a pact. No more notes. Ever.- No more notes. Ever.
1147 01:11:47 - Ever. Great.- Okay.
1148 01:11:48 Just so you guys know,there's no group sex.
1149 01:11:51 - Okay, fine, group sex.- No!
1150 01:11:54 Hey, Wichita. That means you're Columbus,and that makes you Tallahassee.
1151 01:11:58 - Berkeley?- You're from Berkeley?
1152 01:12:00 - You're Berkeley?- No, come on.
1153 01:12:02 What are the chances we'reboth from Berkeley?
1154 01:12:04 - Berkeley!- Calm down, calm down. Okay?
1155 01:12:06 Thank you guys for coming to check up on me, I guess.But you have to understand these people are peaceful,
1156 01:12:11 and they're friendly and nice. And honestly,I don't think you're gonna fit in here.
1157 01:12:16 - They melted our fucking weapons!- This is exactly what I meant.
1158 01:12:19 Guys, I think we should stay.
1159 01:12:22 - You don't get a vote.- I do get a vote.
1160 01:12:25 Haven't you ever heard of women suffering?
1161 01:12:27 Women suffrage?
1162 01:12:29 - No, honey.- Oh, boy.
1163 01:12:31 - Who the hell is this?- I'm Madison.
1164 01:12:33 - Don't say it.- You'll love this.
1165 01:12:34 - Don't say it.- That's Columbus' girlfriend.
1166 01:12:37 - It's official.- Wow.
1167 01:12:38 You reallyjust didn't wasteany time, did you?
1168 01:12:41 - Well, thank you for your vote.- And you're welcome.
1169 01:12:44 - Okay. I'm late for my drum circle, so I gotta go.- Hey, Little Rock!
1170 01:12:48 Sorry about that.
1171 01:13:00 Seeing Little Rock safeand surrounded by friends her own age,
1172 01:13:04 Tallahassee realisedhis nest was now empty.
1173 01:13:07 And he began to hearthe call of the buffalo.
1174 01:13:16 All right, I'm ready!
1175 01:13:18 Come on, don't be so Gloria Glum.I told you guys I was leaving.
1176 01:13:22 So, what,you're just gonna split?
1177 01:13:27 It's time. Gotta set outon my own adventures.
1178 01:13:30 Little Rock's safe,
1179 01:13:32 and a lone wolf's gotta hunt.
1180 01:13:37 So where are you gonna go?
1181 01:13:38 The direction'sthe destination. West.
1182 01:13:44 West is that way.
1183 01:13:47 Yeah. Anyway, like the title ofa great Phil Collins song,
1184 01:13:50 "If You Love Somebody,Set Them Free."
1185 01:13:54 - Pretty sure that wasn't him.- Pretty sure it was.
1186 01:13:56 - No, it was someone else.- Pretty sure it was him.
1187 01:14:00 Yeah. Peace.
1188 01:14:04 I'm not much for goodbyes,so...
1189 01:14:07 - Yeah, just don't say the pig thing.- Keep your tits dry.
1190 01:14:11 - Oh, okay.- Didn't see that coming, right?
1191 01:14:13 I would've rather the pig thing.
1192 01:14:20 Hey.
1193 01:14:22 Hey, don't do nothingI wouldn't not do.
1194 01:14:26 - You get what I'm saying.- Not really, no.
1195 01:14:28 No? Okay.
1196 01:14:31 Anyway, gonna miss you guys.
1197 01:14:42 - I will never forget you, what's-his-name.- See you, pals.
1198 01:14:45 - It's Tallahassee. I told you that.- Sally Tally!
1199 01:14:58 ♪ Give me a homeWhere the buffalo roam ♪
1200 01:15:02 ♪ And the deerand the antelope play ♪
1201 01:15:07 ♪ Where seldom is heard,a discouraging word ♪
1202 01:15:11 ♪ And the skies are not... ♪
1203 01:15:21 T-800s.
1204 01:15:25 That decides it.
1205 01:15:40 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
1206 01:15:43 ♪ Kumbaya, Buddha ♪
1207 01:15:45 Everybody.
1208 01:15:46 ♪ Kumbaya ♪♪
1209 01:15:50 Coming to you.
1210 01:15:52 There it is.Let's start again.
1211 01:15:54 Oh, it's all right.I got it. Excuse me.
1212 01:15:57 Yes. I got it.
1213 01:15:59 - You're supposed to kick it back.- Really?
1214 01:16:01 - You never seen hacky sack?- Oh, I thought it's like hopscotch.
1215 01:16:05 - Salty Taffy's back!- Holy shit!
1216 01:16:08 Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm of them,heading right this way.
1217 01:16:12 Those goddamn fireworksmight as well be a dinner bell!
1218 01:16:16 Stop the fireworks! Stop the music!Everybody shut the fuck up!
1219 01:16:20 Shut up.
1220 01:16:21 Question:
1221 01:16:23 Did you melt all the weapons?
1222 01:16:26 Yeah, that's how we made thesecool peace thingies.
1223 01:16:28 - Oh, Jesus.- My guns!
1224 01:16:30 Hey. Hello. I got something going.I think I might have a plan.
1225 01:16:35 What?
1226 01:16:37 I got nothing.I'm just a songwriter.
1227 01:16:39 No. No, you'rea song transcriber.
1228 01:16:41 - Listen, Berkeley?- Yeah?
1229 01:16:43 I don't thinkthis is gonna work out.
1230 01:16:45 Even 12-year-olds knowwho Bob Dylan is, you fucking poser.
1231 01:16:49 Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie,I have truly enjoyed this moment,
1232 01:16:53 but there arezombies approaching.
1233 01:16:54 Okay. Civil War general,you must know how to fight?
1234 01:16:59 Sure.
1235 01:17:00 Poverty, sexism,social injustice.
1236 01:17:03 - We could try running.- I'm done running.
1237 01:17:06 I mean, what good is a homeif you can't stay in it?
1238 01:17:09 - Columbus.- Yes, Thor?
1239 01:17:12 You're making me cry right now.
1240 01:17:13 - No, please don't.- Oh, my God.
1241 01:17:15 Okay.I moved through it.
1242 01:17:17 Now from where I stand,there's only one thing we can do.
1243 01:17:19 Group sex. Right?
1244 01:17:22 No.
1245 01:17:26 We'll fight them.
1246 01:17:28 You'll be the first to die,but I like your enthusiasm.
1247 01:17:31 - You might die.- Thank you for your sacrifice.
1248 01:17:37 All right,everybody, listen up.
1249 01:17:39 They outnumber us 100 times,but they ain't got what we do.
1250 01:17:43 Guns?
1251 01:17:44 - We don't have guns.- What?
1252 01:17:45 What we do have is heart,brains and biodiesel.
1253 01:17:50 We're gonna light these zombies uplike it's the Fourth of July.
1254 01:17:54 Then we hit the stragglers.What we do is we form a gauntlet.
1255 01:17:58 Ha!One, two, three.
1256 01:18:02 - Then we mop them up.- Sick.
1257 01:18:04 - This is gonna work, right?- It has to.
1258 01:18:17 Rolling.
1259 01:18:25 - Keep screwing.- Yeah, I am.
1260 01:18:26 - Keep screwing.- I am.
1261 01:18:42 No turning back now.
1262 01:18:45 There we go.
1263 01:18:47 Nice.
1264 01:18:51 Yeah.Oh, that's gonna work.
1265 01:18:56 Oh, that's pretty.
1266 01:18:57 - That means the zombies are coming!- Okay, you guys, they're coming!
1267 01:19:00 - Time to nut up or shut up.- You need a new line.
1268 01:19:04 Let's kick some dicks.
1269 01:19:06 Just because it rhymesdoesn't make it a great catchphase.
1270 01:19:09 - What's her problem?- I don't know. I like it when it rhymes.
1271 01:19:14 - Here we go.- Okay.
1272 01:19:33 The zombies are coming!
1273 01:19:34 - Oh, dear.- Look out, guys!
1274 01:19:36 - Here they come. They're coming!- Battle stations!
1275 01:19:42 Light them up!
1276 01:20:00 Let's go, let's go!Get up to safety.
1277 01:20:17 Here we go.
1278 01:20:31 Okay now, blow!
1279 01:20:34 Come on. Now would bean ideal time to blow.
1280 01:20:38 - It's not working.- Damn.
1281 01:20:46 God.
1282 01:20:47 Holy shit.It worked.
1283 01:20:49 Oh, my God.
1284 01:20:51 - Okay. Here, now we mop up the stragglers.- Okay. Yeah.
1285 01:20:58 Oh, shit. Would those beconsidered the stragglers?
1286 01:21:02 Oh, boy.Here they come.
1287 01:21:05 Get ready.
1288 01:21:16 Kill those motherfuckers!
1289 01:21:34 Well, guys,I hate to say this.
1290 01:21:37 I think this might bethe end of the road.
1291 01:21:42 - Come here.- I love you guys.
1292 01:21:44 - I love you more.- We had a hell of a run.
1293 01:21:49 Oh, my God.They're gonna die.
1294 01:22:06 Hey!
1295 01:22:14 Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
1296 01:22:17 Thank God for rednecks!
1297 01:22:27 - Need a ride?- Oh, yeah.
1298 01:22:29 - Get in.- Let's go!
1299 01:22:34 - Are y'all strapped in yet?- Yep. Strapping in now.
1300 01:22:38 Rule four.Got it.
1301 01:22:39 - You too.- I'm not a pussy like Columbus.
1302 01:22:41 Nothing personal.
1303 01:22:44 - Oh, God!- Seatbelts are there for a reason.
1304 01:22:46 Yep.
1305 01:22:51 I think I'm feelinga little nauseous.
1306 01:22:53 - Can somebody crack a window maybe?- Oh, no, you don't.
1307 01:22:57 Little Rock,roll down the window.
1308 01:22:59 If you get sick,we all get sick.
1309 01:23:04 Okay, okay.Oh, God.
1310 01:23:06 Could you just pull over so I can geteaten by zombies? It'll be more comfortable.
1311 01:23:13 Whoo!
1312 01:23:15 - Oh, shit. Watch out!- Do it!
1313 01:23:25 Yee-ha!- Oh, my God, you are sexy.
1314 01:23:28 Can you not say "sexy"?I'm already nauseous.
1315 01:23:35 Shit.Shit, shit, shit.
1316 01:23:38 Shit.Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1317 01:23:40 Shit.
1318 01:23:41 - Oh, shit.- You guys okay?
1319 01:23:43 - Thank you for flying Big Fat Death.- Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
1320 01:23:46 I told you these thingswere a huge rollover risk.
1321 01:23:48 - We gotta move!- Come on!
1322 01:23:50 Hurry! Hurry!They're coming!
1323 01:23:53 - Oh, no!- Come on! Here they come!
1324 01:23:55 - Go, go, go!- Shit.
1325 01:23:57 - Come on!- Oh, shit!
1326 01:23:59 Come on!
1327 01:24:01 - Oh, shit!- Shit!
1328 01:24:11 Thank you.
1329 01:24:13 - Yes!- Here they come!
1330 01:24:20 - Go, get in. Go, go, go!- Go, go, go!
1331 01:24:26 Run!
1332 01:24:30 - I'm out of bullets!- Guys, go! I'm right behind you!
1333 01:24:36 Get in position! Form the gauntlet!I'll hold them off!
1334 01:24:43 Donkey Kong,motherfuckers!
1335 01:25:10 You can't writethe history of Zombieland
1336 01:25:13 without telling the storyof one momentous day.
1337 01:25:16 The day one free manmade the ultimate sacrifice
1338 01:25:19 and paid respect to the Blackfoot ancestorshe may or may not have had.
1339 01:25:27 The day he led the first, the last,the only great American zombie jump.
1340 01:26:00 Zombie Kill of the Year?
1341 01:26:02 Century.
1342 01:26:04 Only one problem.Well, okay, two.
1343 01:26:09 Oh!
1344 01:26:16 - Tallahassee!- Hang on, we're coming.
1345 01:26:17 Hold on.
1346 01:26:19 - Help! I'm falling!- Shit!
1347 01:26:21 We can't help you.
1348 01:26:23 Guys! Help me!
1349 01:26:24 - Shit. What should we do?- Throw something at them.
1350 01:26:27 Oh, shit. Okay.Shit. Sorry.
1351 01:26:30 You hit me in the nutswith a hacky sack.
1352 01:26:32 - Sorry.- What?
1353 01:26:33 I'm losing my grip.I'm gonna fall.
1354 01:26:37 No! Oh, no!
1355 01:26:54 Long live the King.
1356 01:26:57 - Oh.- Ugh.
1357 01:26:59 Guys, I'm still here!
1358 01:27:01 - Give me your hand!- Hold my arm.
1359 01:27:03 - Kick your foot out.- Goddamn it, Columbus!
1360 01:27:05 - Point your toe!- Human chain, this is a terrible idea!
1361 01:27:09 - I can't reach.- Kick it, kick it. I got it.
1362 01:27:12 Pull, pull.
1363 01:27:13 Okay. I got you.
1364 01:27:15 Okay.
1365 01:27:17 Oh, man.Are you okay?
1366 01:27:19 - Yeah.- That was amazing.
1367 01:27:22 Thank you.
1368 01:27:24 Hey.
1369 01:27:28 You kept the gun?
1370 01:27:29 How could I give up my favouriteChristmas present?
1371 01:27:32 Why didn't youpull it out sooner?
1372 01:27:34 I forget about it but...I smoked a lot of weed.
1373 01:27:38 Chip off the old block.
1374 01:27:43 Yes.
1375 01:27:45 Yes?
1376 01:27:46 Oh, yes, yes?
1377 01:27:48 Yes, yes.
1378 01:27:51 Yes, yes, yes?
1379 01:27:52 - Yes. Yes.- Yes?
1380 01:27:54 - Really?- Mm.
1381 01:27:57 What changed your mind?
1382 01:27:59 Because Zombieland or not,we're meant to be together.
1383 01:28:05 So basically, that meansthis belongs to her.
1384 01:28:10 Oh. Huh.
1385 01:28:12 Cool.
1386 01:28:13 Thank you.
1387 01:28:15 Okay.
1388 01:28:19 - Okay. Are you ready?- Yeah.
1389 01:28:21 - Okay. I'm good.- Okay.
1390 01:28:22 - Yeah, do the damn thing. Yeah.- Okay.
1391 01:28:24 Great.
1392 01:28:25 - Which hand do I...?- This one.
1393 01:28:28 - Okay.- Okay, yes. Here we go.
1394 01:28:34 Wow.
1395 01:28:36 Come here.
1396 01:28:41 - Ah.- Nicely done.
1397 01:28:44 I'm gonna walk that littlespitfuck down the aisle.
1398 01:28:48 It's a good thingyou didn't die, then.
1399 01:28:51 Washoe County.
1400 01:28:55 - What?- Washoe County, Nevada.
1401 01:28:58 Reno.
1402 01:28:59 Biggest little cityin the world.
1403 01:29:09 - Just go for it.- Thank you.
1404 01:29:10 - Sweet.- Oh, my God.
1405 01:29:13 What? What?
1406 01:29:14 - Oh, my gosh!- Shit!
1407 01:29:21 - Homer. It's a long way down.- Our work here is done.
1408 01:29:24 Let's party.
1409 01:29:26 - Come on!- Yeah!
1410 01:29:29 Wait for me.
1411 01:29:53 Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.
1412 01:29:58 Every hair on my body feelslike a little wang.
1413 01:30:02 - Yikes.- Where to?
1414 01:30:05 How about home?
1415 01:30:07 Home?
1416 01:30:08 - Yeah.- Yes, good idea.
1417 01:30:11 Where's home?
1418 01:30:14 I think we're already there.
1419 01:30:17 Because if our adventures had taught usabout anything, it was home.
1420 01:30:21 Wichita didn't need to be afraid of it.I didn't need to keep looking for it.
1421 01:30:25 Because home isn't a place,it's the people you're with.
1422 01:30:29 I guess that's why they're called your homies.And my homies are pretty fucking awesome.
1423 01:30:33 So till next time,this is Columbus, Ohio,
1424 01:30:36 on behalf of Wichita, Little Rock,Reno and Tallahassee,
1425 01:30:40 saying hasta la vista,baby.
1426 01:30:43 That one's for you,Flagstaff.
1427 01:30:52 ♪ Lord AlmightyI feel my temperature rising ♪
1428 01:30:58 ♪ Higher, higherIt's burning through to my soul ♪
1429 01:31:05 Oh, hey.Yeah, sorry. One more thing.
1430 01:31:07 I'm actually feeling a little guiltyabout what Nevada said.
1431 01:31:10 You know, about Murrayinga certain you-know-who?
1432 01:31:13 Yeah, my bad. I blew a hole throughthe finest comic actor of our generation.
1433 01:31:16 But I would love to make it upto you, to all of you.
1434 01:31:19 And for that, we gottago back to 2009.
1435 01:31:26 Welcome, everyone, to theGarfield 3: Flabby Tabby junket.
1436 01:31:29 You'll each have five minutes.
1437 01:31:31 Please keep your questions focusedon the film and don't go off-topic.
1438 01:31:35 The idea of a trilogy was something...As an artist, you think the great ones:
1439 01:31:40 Godfather and...
1440 01:31:43 Lethal Weapon.
1441 01:31:44 But the question is,why in the world Garfield 3?
1442 01:31:48 - Can this be just between us?- Yes.
1443 01:31:51 Drugs cost money.
1444 01:31:53 And I have to say, as an actor, how manyof your nine lives do you think you have left?
1445 01:31:57 Well, I've done three of these.Three Garfields.
1446 01:32:01 So that's six.
1447 01:32:02 The essence of Garfield,I think...
1448 01:32:04 Right.
1449 01:32:05 ...is the hairball.
1450 01:32:07 Didn't I say? I had a feelingthis would come up.
1451 01:32:10 Can you give me a hairball?
1452 01:32:14 Don't wanna do the hairball,get it out of the way?
1453 01:32:16 - No.- Can you try now?
1454 01:32:18 - Give me a little hairball now?- Come on.
1455 01:32:23 Come on.
1456 01:32:30 You know, how aboutif I did it with you?
1457 01:32:33 - Okay. Come on. Come on.- That was close.
1458 01:32:35 We'll do a selfie together.
1459 01:32:38 Great. Great.
1460 01:32:42 You all right, man?
1461 01:32:45 All over the mike.
1462 01:32:47 Can we get a baby wipe for Al?Maybe move him back to his room, please?
1463 01:32:57 Huge fan, Mr. Roker.
1464 01:33:01 All right, Tim, let's get out of here.Somebody get my car. I'm ready to go.
1465 01:33:05 - I've never seen Al Roker behave that way.- That was crazy.
1466 01:33:07 Sometimes it feels likeit's you against the world.
1467 01:33:10 - Oh, my God.- I think it is.
1468 01:33:18 Oh, dear.
1469 01:33:20 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
1470 01:33:22 Excuse me?
1471 01:33:27 ♪ Do what you like ♪
1472 01:33:32 Nice.
1473 01:33:39 Help me!
1474 01:33:42 Bill Murray! I love some ofyour films. Please help me!
1475 01:33:48 I ain't afraid of no ghost.
1476 01:34:00 I hate Mondays.
1477 01:34:03 ♪ Lord AlmightyI feel my temperature rising ♪
1478 01:34:10 ♪ Higher, higherIt's burning through to my soul ♪
1479 01:34:16 ♪ Girl, girl, girlYou're gonna set me on fire ♪
1480 01:34:23 ♪ My brain is flamingI don't know which way to go ♪
1481 01:34:29 ♪ And your kisses lift me higherLike a sweet song of the choir ♪
1482 01:34:36 ♪ And you light my morning skyWith your burning love ♪
1483 01:34:43 ♪ Ooh, ooh, oohI feel my temperature rising ♪
1484 01:34:48 Yeah
1485 01:34:50 ♪ Well, help me, I'm flamingI must be a hundred and nine ♪
1486 01:34:57 ♪ Burning, burning, burningAnd nothing can cool me ♪
1487 01:35:03 ♪ I just might turn to smokeBut I feel fine ♪
1488 01:35:09 ♪ Because your kisses lift me higherLike a sweet song of a choir ♪
1489 01:35:16 ♪ And you light my morning skyWith your burning love ♪
1490 01:35:21 ♪ Yeah ♪
1491 01:35:33 ♪ Burning love ♪
1492 01:35:37 ♪ It's coming closerThe flames are now reaching my body ♪
1493 01:35:43 ♪ Please won't you help meI feel like I'm slipping away ♪
1494 01:35:50 ♪ It's hard to breatheAnd my chest is a-heaving ♪
1495 01:35:57 ♪ Lord, have mercyI'm burning a hole where I lay ♪
1496 01:36:03 ♪ 'Cause your kisses lift me higherLike a sweet song of a choir ♪
1497 01:36:10 ♪ And you light my morning skyWith your burning love ♪
1498 01:36:15 ♪ Yeah, your burning love ♪
1499 01:36:19 ♪ Your burning love ♪
1500 01:36:23 ♪ I'm just a hunk,a hunk of burning love ♪
1501 01:36:26 ♪ I'm just a hunk,a hunk of burning love ♪
1502 01:36:30 ♪ Just a hunk,a hunk of burning love ♪
1503 01:36:33 ♪ I'm just a hunk,a hunk of burning love ♪
1504 01:36:40 ♪ Just a hunk,a hunk of burning love ♪
1505 01:36:43 ♪ Burning love ♪
1506 01:36:45 ♪ YeahBurning love ♪♪
1507 01:38:40 Oh, pardon.En español, it's like:
1508 01:38:50 P... P...Pardon my accent.
