德雷·戴维斯：如何当黑人 DeRay Davis: How to Act Black(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:08 [male announcer]ATL, get ready for the man of the hour!
2 00:00:10 A NETFLIX ORIGINAL COMEDY SPECIAL
3 00:00:12 He's sold out tours,you've seen him on TV and in movies
4 00:00:15 representing Chicago,soon to be one of the legends of laughter
5 00:00:19 the hood hero, DeRay Davis!
6 00:00:25 [cheering, applause]
7 00:00:28 [hip-hop music playing]
8 00:00:36 ♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪
9 00:00:39 ♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪
10 00:00:42 ♪ Have some sex tonightHave some sex tonight ♪
11 00:00:45 ♪ For no reasonHave some sex tonight. ♪
12 00:00:47 Have-- All right. Okay, thanks.
13 00:00:50 What's up, ATL? What's up?
14 00:00:52 - [cheering]-Yeah.
15 00:00:55 Y'all showed up. That's cool as hell.
16 00:00:58 Y'all showed up!
17 00:01:01 My cousin was, like, "Ain't nobody going to come."
18 00:01:05 I was, "Yes they are, I'm going to wear nice clothes. They're gonna show up."
19 00:01:09 -Y'all look good, man. -[audience member] You look good!
20 00:01:11 No I don't. I ain't cut shit.
21 00:01:14 I don't look good.
22 00:01:16 I didn't do much shaving. I wanted to look authentic.
23 00:01:19 Everybody's getting...Men are getting lace fronts, now.
24 00:01:23 [laughter]
25 00:01:25 Dudes with waves.
26 00:01:27 Like, "Baby, come paste my wig on."
27 00:01:30 [as a female] "I'm trying to do mine."[deep voice] "Do mine first."
28 00:01:34 Like, couples coming home from the club, both pulling their wigs off.
29 00:01:38 I want to look like this.I like looking different, man.
30 00:01:42 Because everybody's doing their specials,looking shaved, their hairline painted,
31 00:01:46 and, uh... [chuckles]
32 00:01:49 "You melting, my nigga.You melting right here."
33 00:01:52 Plus, this confuses the chicks.They don't know what they be getting.
34 00:01:56 Because I look filthy, but I'm fresh.You know what I'm saying?
35 00:01:59 They don't know if we're going to the clubor camping.
36 00:02:01 [as a female] "I don't know, girl.
37 00:02:03 I'll wear my Timberland boots and my backpack.
38 00:02:07 DeRay is crazy!"
39 00:02:10 It's amazing that I do this, and people look at me different.
40 00:02:13 When other actors like Leonardo DiCaprioor Brad Pitt grow their hair,
41 00:02:18 "Oh, good. They must be between movies."
42 00:02:21 I grow my shit out, "He must be between homes."
43 00:02:25 [audience laughs]
44 00:02:29 A bum walked up to me. He said,"Damn, it can happen to anybody."
45 00:02:32 I said, "Hey, man!"
46 00:02:34 "I thought you were doing good.""I am doing good."
47 00:02:39 "You need some help?""No, I don't need no goddamn help."
48 00:02:43 People say I should look good.
49 00:02:45 They say, "You're famous, always look fresh!"
50 00:02:47 I don't know if I'm famous.I don't know if I want to be famous.
51 00:02:51 Being a celebrity bothers me,because I still want to steal.
52 00:02:55 [audience laughs]
53 00:02:57 You too? You people still want to steal?
54 00:03:00 What is it about stealingthat's so fun? Ain't it?
55 00:03:04 Stealing shit is just fun.
56 00:03:06 I was in a store in Beverly Hills,it didn't have a sensor on it.
57 00:03:09 I was like... [groans]
58 00:03:13 I ought to stuff this in my drawers, right?
59 00:03:16 Oh, God. I see what you're doing, Lord.
60 00:03:19 Ah.
61 00:03:20 You're trying to make me snatch my own blessings away.
62 00:03:25 I try to shake it, but I still have this criminal mentality.
63 00:03:29 I was at a grocery store in Chicago.
64 00:03:31 And this dud went in and left his car running.
65 00:03:34 I was like, "This nigga, here?"
66 00:03:36 [audience laughing]
67 00:03:38 "I see what you're doing, God.
68 00:03:41 I ain't gonna get him"
69 00:03:43 Nobody else feel that way?
70 00:03:45 When you're at the grocery,behind the old lady?
71 00:03:48 She's buying one item,but she pulls out all them hundreds?
72 00:03:50 You're like... [groans]
73 00:03:51 Right there!
74 00:03:55 Real criminals look at thatlike it's a blessing.
75 00:03:57 "Thank you, Lord, for putting this old lady in front of me.
76 00:04:00 I didn't know how I was gonna pay my next bill,
77 00:04:03 but you put her here for me, Lord.
78 00:04:05 I'm not gonna hurt her.Lay her down easy.
79 00:04:07 I'm gonna trip that cane and lay her down comfortably.
80 00:04:10 She gonna see another day, I hope.
81 00:04:14 I'm bringing her and her family closer.They let her go here by herself.
82 00:04:17 Who let their Grand-mamago to the grocery store alone?
83 00:04:21 They shouldn't have had her done it.
84 00:04:23 Thank you for the blessings. Amen.
85 00:04:26 But I don't know if I'm famous.I forget I'm famous, sometimes.
86 00:04:31 Dudes pull up next to me, like...
87 00:04:33 "What's up, dude?""You're our boy."
88 00:04:35 "Oh, yeah, thanks."
89 00:04:39 So, I be known, man.
90 00:04:40 My friends tell me to act more famous.All my friends got money.
91 00:04:43 They're super-famous.
92 00:04:44 All the comedians. Dave Chapelle, great comic.
93 00:04:47 Been around Chris Brown.Kevin Hart was my roommate before.
94 00:04:51 Yes. Every morning, he'd wake up.
95 00:04:53 I'm like, "Nigga, go make that breakfast."
96 00:04:57 And get these little Air Force Onesout of here.
97 00:05:00 Who's shoes this little?
98 00:05:04 He used to hate that joke."Get these little shoes out of here."
99 00:05:07 One time he got in the car, I had his shoes hanging from the rear-view mirror.
100 00:05:12 Baby shoes. "Kevin, look at your shoes."
101 00:05:15 [as Kevin Hart]"Get them down, get them down!"
102 00:05:17 [chuckles]
103 00:05:19 I don't know, man. I'm trying to figure out my famous.
104 00:05:23 Who am I?
105 00:05:25 I know I've been in shit.
106 00:05:26 People ask, "What you gonna be in next?""Motherfucker, this"
107 00:05:29 [audience laughs]
108 00:05:31 I don't know what's next.
109 00:05:32 Stop asking actors what's next.I don't know.
110 00:05:35 I know I've been in shit,because I googled me.
111 00:05:37 [audience laughs]
112 00:05:38 Go to hell, Google. I googled me, and it said I was 48.
113 00:05:42 Who the fuck changed my age?
114 00:05:45 The worst thing you can do to someonein Hollywood is make them older.
115 00:05:49 I didn't know it happened
116 00:05:50 until I went to an audition and Morgan Freeman was there.
117 00:05:52 [audience laughs]
118 00:05:55 "We're here for the same part.""Nigga!"
119 00:05:59 Don't make me an unclewhen I'm still a cousin.
120 00:06:04 But I've been in some shit.I've traveled, I've done things.
121 00:06:07 I was in Africa. I got booked in Africa.
122 00:06:10 Nigeria.
123 00:06:11 They payed me so much money,I thought they purchased me.
124 00:06:15 [audience laughs]
125 00:06:17 I told my baby, "Daddy might not be back."
126 00:06:22 They gave me racks, motherfucker.
127 00:06:25 I just imagine me being in some cage.
128 00:06:28 [African accent] "Come look at my new DeRay.
129 00:06:32 There is my lion, my zebra,and there is my DeRay.
130 00:06:36 DeRay, tell a joke.
131 00:06:42 Tell a joke. He is mad, we have not fed him today.
132 00:06:44 Tell a joke."
133 00:06:48 But I've done shit.
134 00:06:50 I'm happy about the little movies I did.I'm happy.
135 00:06:52 A lot of movies.I did 30 fucking movies.
136 00:06:55 [cheers, applause]
137 00:06:59 I was only in those bitches about three minutes,
138 00:07:01 but I've been in them bitches.
139 00:07:02 Collectively, it's a whole film.Fuck all y'all, how about that shit?
140 00:07:06 Right now.
141 00:07:08 I was in The Fog.
142 00:07:10 I was in a horror movie. How about that?
143 00:07:12 Not only that. I'm black history.
144 00:07:14 I was a black dude in a horror movie,and I survived, Mama.
145 00:07:17 -[cheers, applause]-Now what?
146 00:07:20 And I was on a boat!
147 00:07:23 Niggas don't get on boats!
148 00:07:26 Niggas get on cruise ships and yachtsfor a video, front the hell off.
149 00:07:30 But niggas don't get on boats.
150 00:07:32 The only time niggas get on boats is like this:
151 00:07:34 "Man, I'm broke as hell."
152 00:07:35 "Nigga, I'm in the same boat!"That's the only time.
153 00:07:40 Niggas get in boats.
154 00:07:42 I'm black history.
155 00:07:48 But I want to be in more shit.
156 00:07:50 People say "Why you ain't in more shit?You should be." I know!
157 00:07:53 I audition for stuff.Go to auditions I know I should get.
158 00:07:56 I read the breakdown."Chicago Hood Nigga".
159 00:08:01 I'm like, "I'm going in for this shit."
160 00:08:03 Ain't it crazy? I gotta audition to be a "Chicago Hood Nigga"
161 00:08:06 when I'm a Chicago hood nigga?
162 00:08:08 Just give me the part.
163 00:08:09 I'll just bring in the people I murdered.Here they go!
164 00:08:14 So, I go in and audition for white people
165 00:08:17 to play the "hood nigga".
166 00:08:21 Did you hear what I just said?
167 00:08:23 I auditioned for white people to be--
168 00:08:25 "All right, do the lines.""All right, I got this shit all day.
169 00:08:29 Hold up, hold up."
170 00:08:30 "Lay on the ground bitch! It ain't a game!"
171 00:08:35 [nasally] Hmm.
172 00:08:38 Uh...
173 00:08:40 "I wasn't scared. Were you scared?I wasn't afraid."
174 00:08:44 Could you do it again? More angry, more hood.
175 00:08:46 Just get in it! [growls]
176 00:08:48 Get me! I want to feel like I'm going to die. [play screams]
177 00:08:52 I'm just a regular white guy. I'm gonna die! Show me!"
178 00:08:57 I heard him whispering.[whispers]
179 00:08:59 I said, "What the fuck?"
180 00:09:00 They whisper... [whispers]I said, "What did you say?"
181 00:09:02 "We don't want to say it to you.
182 00:09:04 [stammering]You-- you people get upset."
183 00:09:08 "Did you say 'You people'?""No, first I said 'You,'
184 00:09:10 then I thought, 'the people,' 'People get upset'."
185 00:09:13 "Well, what did you say?"
186 00:09:15 "Okay, we were wondering, can you...
187 00:09:17 act blacker?"
188 00:09:20 "Act blacker? What the fuck?"
189 00:09:22 "Yeah. blacker. Like, 'Hey man, what the fuck?'"
190 00:09:25 [audience laughs]
191 00:09:26 I'm, like, "You all don't even know what acting black is!"
192 00:09:30 Are you kidding me?We know what acting black is.
193 00:09:33 You've never experienced somebody acting black.
194 00:09:35 You know what acting black is?
195 00:09:37 It's stealing something from someone's house.
196 00:09:39 You know you stole it,but you act like you ain't got it.
197 00:09:43 While you're still in their house.
198 00:09:45 "Why are you touching me? What's up?"
199 00:09:48 [audience laughs]
200 00:09:51 You gotta let them pat you down, too.
201 00:09:52 "Go on, touch me! You think I got it?"
202 00:09:56 Acting black is being broke,but acting like you're rich.
203 00:10:01 "Shut your broke ass up!"
204 00:10:02 "You don't know what I'm sitting on, nigga!"
205 00:10:05 You gotta walk backwards when you say it.
206 00:10:07 "You don't know what I'm sitting on, nigga!"
207 00:10:10 "You don't know what I'm sitting on, nigga!"
208 00:10:13 "Why you keep going backwards?"
209 00:10:14 "You keep coming forwards.You want what I'm sitting on, nigga!"
210 00:10:19 Start walking backwards.
211 00:10:22 Acting black...
212 00:10:24 Acting black is having it
213 00:10:27 and acting like you don't got it.
214 00:10:29 "I see you out here, doing it big in these streets."
215 00:10:32 "Player, I'm doing a little something,you know what I mean?
216 00:10:35 [audience laughing]
217 00:10:36 I ain't out here, trying--"
218 00:10:38 "I see your diamonds.
219 00:10:39 "I ain't trying to..."
220 00:10:41 Nigga, are you wearingfour pairs of Jordans?"
221 00:10:43 "I keep changing while I got them on.
222 00:10:45 I keep changing while I'm walking."
223 00:10:47 "Is that four pairs of Jordans?"
224 00:10:49 "I keep switching them Jordanswhile I got them on."
225 00:10:51 "This nigga crazy."
226 00:10:52 That's acting black.
227 00:10:58 Acting black is your mama having different boyfriends...
228 00:11:02 [chuckling]
229 00:11:06 ...and you act likeyou only met one of them.
230 00:11:08 [audience laughing]
231 00:11:11 "How many other niggas been over here?"
232 00:11:13 [as a child] "Just you."
233 00:11:17 That's acting black.That's how you act black.
234 00:11:20 Acting black is coming homeknowing your woman's mad,
235 00:11:23 so you act like you're mad, too.
236 00:11:25 So you ain't gotta argue with that ass.
237 00:11:27 You know she's pissed off.
238 00:11:29 [as a female]"This motherfucker thinks this is a game.
239 00:11:31 He thinks it's a goddamned game.
240 00:11:33 I know who he...
241 00:11:35 Ah, oh, ooh."
242 00:11:36 So, you gotta come into the house mad."What the fuck!"
243 00:11:39 Be creative, slam the door. Bow!
244 00:11:42 Push the baby down. [imitates baby cry]
245 00:11:44 [audience laughs]
246 00:11:46 Look away, don't give her any eye contact.
247 00:11:49 [as a female]"Fuck that shit. Where the fuck you been?"
248 00:11:53 "Where have I been? What?
249 00:11:55 Those motherfuckers think they can kill me?"
250 00:11:57 [as a female]"Who tried to kill you?
251 00:12:01 Who tried to kill you?
252 00:12:03 I had a feeling! I had a feeling!
253 00:12:08 I had a feeling!"
254 00:12:09 Bitches always got a feeling."I had a feeling!"
255 00:12:12 "Get away from the window, they'll kill you, too!"
256 00:12:15 [as a female]"I knew it!"
257 00:12:16 "I don't know who them niggas was!
258 00:12:18 All I know is I'm going out every nightthis week until I catch them!"
259 00:12:27 The black woman's like, "Shit.
260 00:12:30 Nigga better come in here shot, talking that bullshit.
261 00:12:34 I ain't no dumb-ass, stupid-ass whore."
262 00:12:39 Black women don't believe shit.
263 00:12:43 Even if you come into the house shot,black women will still start shit.
264 00:12:47 [as a female]"That shit looks self-inflicted."
265 00:12:49 This motherfucker shot himself, because he don't want to argue
266 00:12:53 with a real bitch tonight."
267 00:12:55 That dancey-dance bullshit.
268 00:12:58 So, I know how to goddamn act.
269 00:13:01 I'm sick of explaining shit. Talking about my acting.
270 00:13:04 I've been in some real shit.
271 00:13:06 I'm tired of people asking me about it.I don't know the answers you all want.
272 00:13:09 "Why did they kill you in Empire ?""Motherfucker, I don't know!"
273 00:13:14 "We like Empire . That's a good show.Why'd they kill you?
274 00:13:17 Are they gonna bring you back?""Yes."
275 00:13:19 "Are they?""I don't know."
276 00:13:22 If I knew I was gonna diethat day, would I have shown up to work?
277 00:13:27 I knew something was gonna happenbecause I went to the table-read,
278 00:13:30 and in Hollywood,that's where everybody gets a script,
279 00:13:33 and I had no script.
280 00:13:34 [audience laughing]
281 00:13:43 "Yo, Taraji, you got a script?"[as a female] "Yeah, boo."
282 00:13:48 "Yo, drip-drippety-drop, nigga.You got a script?"
283 00:13:53 "Yeah, I got a script."
284 00:13:56 [moaning]
285 00:14:05 I liked the role because it showeda different side of what I can do.
286 00:14:08 I like stepping out of the comedyto show I got that dramatic side.
287 00:14:12 So, I was upset when I died on the show.
288 00:14:14 I was upset. As I was leaving,Terrence Howard tried to talk to me.
289 00:14:17 I was like, "I don't want to talk to this nigga."
290 00:14:19 He's one of the greatest actors on Earth.His advice would probably be great.
291 00:14:23 But, "No, not right now, nigga.I just died."
292 00:14:27 [as Terrence Howard]"DeRay, what you want to do?
293 00:14:28 Let me explain what you should do.
294 00:14:31 Because if I was in the same situationyou were in, what I would do--"
295 00:14:35 "Nigga, you really talk like that?""Yeah, I don't know."
296 00:14:39 "Are you about to cry?""I'm about to don't know what.
297 00:14:41 [muttering]
298 00:14:43 "Can you breathe?""I don't know.
299 00:14:46 You keep asking questions and interrupting."
300 00:14:48 "Stop doing that."
301 00:14:49 "Somebody put my voice on vibratea long time ago.
302 00:14:52 They never took my voiceoff vibrate.
303 00:14:55 Sometimes I fade out.""What?
304 00:14:57 [quietly muttering]
305 00:14:59 What?
306 00:15:03 What?"[as Howard] "Sometimes..."
307 00:15:05 "What?"[as Howard] "Exactly."
308 00:15:07 "Stop."
309 00:15:10 [as Howard]"Sometimes people put it on."
310 00:15:12 "Nigga, just text me."
311 00:15:15 Then he sent me a text, it was like...
312 00:15:17 [muttering incoherently]
313 00:15:22 [chuckling]
314 00:15:29 This nigga's emojis were shaking. I was like... [groans]
315 00:15:35 [as Howard]"Don't think I'm playing with you,
316 00:15:37 I'm tried to tell the motherfuckernot to do this shit."
317 00:15:41 "Did your voice just fade out, nigga?"
318 00:15:43 What if you want to say something important?
319 00:15:46 "Don't go down there, they gonna kill you."
320 00:15:49 "What are they gonna do?[mutters softly]
321 00:15:52 They're gonna kill me?""That's it."
322 00:15:54 "Nigga!"
323 00:16:01 But I was excited.
324 00:16:04 Because you get excited about anythingyou feel God blessed you with.
325 00:16:08 So, I was happy to be on the show.Plus, I didn't audition.
326 00:16:11 John Singleton called me, and put me on the show.
327 00:16:15 Singleton said, "I know you can act.I want you to play Cookie's crazy cousin.
328 00:16:19 I said, "I got that."
329 00:16:21 And we were filming in Chicago!I got to go home.
330 00:16:24 I was doing a tour, I landed late,I didn't know where we were shooting
331 00:16:27 until I saw it.
332 00:16:28 And I said, "John, we might not want to shoot around here."
333 00:16:35 He was, like, "Why?"
334 00:16:36 I said, "Because they be shootingaround here."
335 00:16:40 He said, "No, I'm John Singleton. Listen to me.
336 00:16:43 Writer-producer-director, Baby Boy.
337 00:16:44 Writer-producer-director, Boyz n the Hood.
338 00:16:47 Writer-producer-director, Poetic Justice.
339 00:16:50 Writer-producer-director.
340 00:16:52 I direct, you act! Go act!"
341 00:16:54 I said, "Shit, all right.I'm just sayin.' Shit.
342 00:16:57 So, we get ready to do the scene,and they give me the gun.
343 00:17:01 John said, "Make sure it's full loads."I said, "What the--?"
344 00:17:04 They want quarter- or half-loads.
345 00:17:06 I'm educating the people.When you do a TV show...
346 00:17:09 they want a half- or quarter-loadbecause you shoot in residential areas.
347 00:17:12 And, in post,they put in the sound, "Pop, pop!"
348 00:17:15 But John said, "I want authenticity.
349 00:17:17 I want that shit to let off.Give him the full load.
350 00:17:20 Sounds like a real gun."
351 00:17:21 I said, "Let's get it!"
352 00:17:24 I take the gun. He said, "Action!"
353 00:17:25 Pull up to the light,let the dude have it.
354 00:17:27 [imitates gun]
355 00:17:29 He said, "Cut!
356 00:17:30 Beautiful!
357 00:17:31 Then you heard, "Pop...
358 00:17:34 pop, pop..."
359 00:17:35 [chuckles]
360 00:17:36 John said, "Cut."I said, "Nigga, that ain't us."
361 00:17:39 [audience laughing, clapping]
362 00:17:42 They said, "Pack it up. Let's get out of here. One take is fine."
363 00:17:46 I said, "You said 'authenticity'"
364 00:17:47 "DeRay, get your ass in the car.We ain't got insurance for this shit.
365 00:17:52 We ain't about to battle this shit with blanks, nigga."
366 00:17:58 Which is terrible, and I should be embarrassed.
367 00:18:01 Because my city...Chicago is not Chi-Raq.
368 00:18:06 It is not built on murders.
369 00:18:08 It's a fly-ass city, with fly dudes
370 00:18:11 who produce motherfuckers like this.
371 00:18:14 And shit like that.
372 00:18:15 Beautiful women.
373 00:18:17 Pimping at an all-time high.Yes, um...
374 00:18:20 Organized crime, if there was crime.
375 00:18:23 The first gangs in the world,but organized as gangs
376 00:18:27 against people who were trying to fuck up the communities, originally.
377 00:18:30 Be we're not just known for guns.
378 00:18:32 That's why it bothers me whenPresident Dude says shit about us.
379 00:18:36 Yes, "President Dude." I will not say his name and give him power.
380 00:18:40 "President Dude."
381 00:18:42 Not on this...
382 00:18:43 Not on DeRay's platform.
383 00:18:45 He said, "I'm gonna send the feds to Chicago and get all the guns."
384 00:18:49 Nigga, show me.
385 00:18:51 You gonna get all the guns? Nigga!
386 00:18:55 It's a two-gun minimum to live in Chicago.
387 00:19:00 Chicago's so bad, the First 48 ain't never been there.
388 00:19:04 All them murders, all them episodes, not one in Chicago.
389 00:19:07 They drive right through that bitch.
390 00:19:08 "Everyone's dead, everyone did it. Let's go.
391 00:19:11 In Detroit, they drive right through that bitch."
392 00:19:16 It's fucked up.
393 00:19:17 I try not to watch First 48,because it's black-on-black crime.
394 00:19:22 You're like, "It's us again."
395 00:19:23 But I can't turn it off.
396 00:19:25 Because I turn it on and there's a niggain the interrogation room
397 00:19:29 doing a horrible job at trying to live.
398 00:19:33 They love acting it out.
399 00:19:34 They're in the room, "Why you got me down here?"
400 00:19:38 They re-enact their own shit.
401 00:19:39 "I was in the car, asleep, right?
402 00:19:41 I woke up."
403 00:19:44 "What happened, Tay-Tay?"
404 00:19:45 "I'm in the car, asleep. I woke up.
405 00:19:50 I look around, I don't know where we're at."
406 00:19:53 "So, did you know Charles?""Charles...
407 00:19:56 Charles, Charles, Chuck, C-Dawg, Chuck?"
408 00:19:59 "Yeah, that Charles."
409 00:20:01 "Yeah, I know him. Like, kind of, not really know him."
410 00:20:05 "So, do you know him?""I know, I know him.
411 00:20:08 My mama knew his mama,and their mamas knew each other's mamas.
412 00:20:12 Then, we know each other."
413 00:20:14 "Charles is dead."
414 00:20:16 "Don't say that, man!"
415 00:20:19 "Don't say that, man! Who shot him?"
416 00:20:21 -"We didn't say he was shot."-"Wait a minute.
417 00:20:25 Hold up! Are you trying to put this on me?
418 00:20:28 Don't put his on me!"
419 00:20:30 "So, you don't know what happened?""No, I told you!
420 00:20:32 I'm like this, right?
421 00:20:35 Then I go like this.
422 00:20:37 Then I'm, like, "We're at Charles's house."
423 00:20:40 "I thought you just said you didn't know where you were."
424 00:20:43 "I didn't until you saidCharles was dead.
425 00:20:46 I was, like, 'Must be Charles's house!'"
426 00:20:51 But, ultimately,
427 00:20:53 you can't get all the guns in Chicago.
428 00:20:55 It doesn't work like that. We are a violent city.
429 00:20:57 I admit to it. When I was little, we played violent games.
430 00:21:00 We didn't play "Duck, Duck, Goose."
431 00:21:02 We played "Duck, Nigga, Duck!"
432 00:21:06 "They're shooting, nigga! Duck!"
433 00:21:08 We didn't play catch and kiss a girl, hide-and-seek.
434 00:21:12 We played a game called "Stole On." That was our shit.
435 00:21:15 "Stole On."
436 00:21:16 You walk behind your boy, and he isn't paying attention...
437 00:21:19 Pssht, "Stole on!"
438 00:21:22 And he has to repeat it after you hit him."Stole on. Got stole on."
439 00:21:26 "Shit."
440 00:21:27 The game had no meaning, but it was fun.
441 00:21:29 Pshht, "Stole on, nigga! Stole on!"
442 00:21:31 That nigga got stole on.
443 00:21:34 Shit."
444 00:21:36 I had a cousin. I think he was gay.
445 00:21:38 We were playing Stole On, he made a weird sound
446 00:21:41 and fucked us all up.
447 00:21:42 Like, pshht! "Stole on, nigga! Stole on!"
448 00:21:44 He was, like, [moans] "Stole on."
449 00:21:46 "Oh, shit."
450 00:21:48 My boy said, "What kind of sound is that?"I said, "I don't know."
451 00:21:51 "Uh-uh, that's your cousin.""He's just here for the summer."
452 00:21:56 "Stole on! Stole on!"
453 00:21:58 [moans] "Stole on!"
454 00:22:01 I said, "Carl, stop making that sound!We both won't be allowed to play!"
455 00:22:05 "Don't be mad because I'm winning."
456 00:22:06 "Stop!
457 00:22:08 You can't win this game!"
458 00:22:09 "You can't if you're not a winner.""Stop it!"
459 00:22:13 We played guns.
460 00:22:14 Before we had guns, we played imaginary guns.
461 00:22:17 "Pop-pop, nigga."
462 00:22:19 Whenever you played "Cops and Robbers,"
463 00:22:21 nobody ever wanted to be the police.
464 00:22:24 "You're all the police."
465 00:22:25 "Fuck that! You're all the police!"
466 00:22:27 Fuck it, then. We're playing "Robbers and Robbers."
467 00:22:34 When you play imaginary gunsin the hood,
468 00:22:36 nobody ever wants to get shot.
469 00:22:38 You be right up on a nigga."Bah!" "You missed."
470 00:22:40 "Nigga!
471 00:22:45 I just blew your brains out!
472 00:22:47 Didn't I blow his brains out?
473 00:22:49 There's always a kid, "He did blow your brains out, dawg."
474 00:22:54 Kids make up bullshit."Okay, you blew my brains out.
475 00:22:56 I went to the hospital and got my brains fixed. I'm back."
476 00:23:00 "You can't get your brains fixed!
477 00:23:02 I hate killing you!"
478 00:23:07 Everybody's playing imaginary guns.
479 00:23:08 Pop, pop, pop...pop.
480 00:23:10 My boy walks up with an imaginary shotgun.
481 00:23:12 Ch-ch, boom!
482 00:23:14 Nigga's like, "Oh Shit!Where you get that?"
483 00:23:16 [audience laughs]
484 00:23:18 He was like, "My daddy got it for me."
485 00:23:21 We was like, "Damn!
486 00:23:23 We're really imagining. He got a daddy now, y'all!"
487 00:23:26 [audience roars]
488 00:23:32 Then everyone starts saying,"I want a daddy, too!"
489 00:23:35 "I got a strong daddy!"
490 00:23:37 "No no, I got a tall daddy!"
491 00:23:40 One of my boys says, "My daddy got a job!"
492 00:23:42 I was like, "Nigga...
493 00:23:48 You're fucking the game up.
494 00:23:51 Next, you're gonna say he's coming to pick you up."
495 00:23:54 [audience laughs]
496 00:23:57 Everybody's playing imaginary guns.Pop pop, pop, pop.
497 00:24:00 Ch-ch, boom!
498 00:24:01 He comes crawling around the corner."What y'all playing?"
499 00:24:05 My boy says, "We're not fucking with Carl."
500 00:24:08 He's gonna dothat [moans] "Stole On" shit.
501 00:24:11 I said, "Carl, we can't play with you."
502 00:24:13 "Why can't I play?"
503 00:24:14 "We're playing 'Guns and Gangsters' now.Pop, pop!
504 00:24:17 You want to do that 'Stole On' shit. We ain't doing that any more!"
505 00:24:20 "I can play Guns and Gangsters".
506 00:24:22 "No! Pop, pop!Shit is real out here, Carl."
507 00:24:26 "I'm gonna go tell.""Fuck! Goddammit, Carl.
508 00:24:29 Fuck!
509 00:24:30 [audience laughs]
510 00:24:32 All right, you can play, but it's 'Guns and Gangsters', you understand?
511 00:24:35 'Pop, pop!' only, motherfucka.Pew. No ricochet, no shit like that.
512 00:24:44 He said, "Don't worry about my weapon," and disappeared.
513 00:24:47 "What the fuck?"
514 00:24:49 I was, like, "Where the hell is Carl at?"
515 00:24:51 Two hours pass. We're out there, playing forever.
516 00:24:54 We're running out of bullets.
517 00:24:57 [chuckles]
518 00:24:58 [audience laughing]
519 00:25:00 Okay, it was starting to get dark.
520 00:25:03 We had to go home.
521 00:25:04 I can't go home without that nigga.
522 00:25:06 I'm like, "Where the hell is Carl at?"
523 00:25:08 Carl comes around the cornerwith an imaginary bow-and-arrow.
524 00:25:15 "Stole on, stole on, stole on."
525 00:25:18 My boy said, "I think it went through my leg!"
526 00:25:21 I said, "Don't entertain this nigga!"
527 00:25:25 He was killing us with the best gay weapons ever.
528 00:25:28 "Move out the way! Grenade!
529 00:25:29 Mm, and boom."
530 00:25:32 Everybody laid on the ground. I said, "I might was well lay down."
531 00:25:36 I'm gonna lay down.This nigga won.
532 00:25:38 He really won.
533 00:25:40 "Stole on!"
534 00:25:44 Then the President Dude said,
535 00:25:46 "I'm gonna change the gun laws.
536 00:25:48 So strict, they're gonna wish I didn't."
537 00:25:51 That's a white threat.
538 00:25:54 "We'll change the gun laws."
539 00:25:56 Gun laws? Do you think...That shit is hilarious.
540 00:25:59 Do you think street niggas give a shit about gun laws?
541 00:26:03 Do you think two niggas meet in an alley,
542 00:26:05 "Hey, nigga! What's the gun law this week?"
543 00:26:10 Black people don't care about laws.
544 00:26:12 Black people don't care about laws.We weren't there when they made them.
545 00:26:17 Black people don't know about the Constitution.
546 00:26:20 You don't. We pretend we do.We know, "We the people".
547 00:26:25 We know freedom of speech,but niggas don't know the Constitution.
548 00:26:28 The Constitution ain't barbershop talk.
549 00:26:31 You won't hear two niggas arguing,
550 00:26:33 "I bet it does say that.I got the scroll in my pocket!"
551 00:26:41 Cut the scroll in my hair, show this nigga what it's about.
552 00:26:45 We don't know laws.
553 00:26:46 Black people don't find out about laws until we break them.
554 00:26:50 If you don't believe me,
555 00:26:51 go to any criminal courtand sit there all day.
556 00:26:53 And watch how confused niggas look at their charges.
557 00:26:57 "What's all this shit?
558 00:27:00 Yes, I had the gun. What's the other shit around it?"
559 00:27:05 Niggas look at charges like they fucked up a food order.
560 00:27:08 "I had the gun, what's all the other shit?
561 00:27:10 No relish, no tomatoes,no onion, no fleeing.
562 00:27:13 None of that shit is me, okay?
563 00:27:16 I'll take the gun. I will take that."
564 00:27:19 No, black people don't respect laws.
565 00:27:23 Black people respect signs.
566 00:27:26 They respect the fuck out of a sign.
567 00:27:28 I don't know what it is about a sign that gets our attention.
568 00:27:31 "Nigga, move! You don't see the sign that says not to stand there?"
569 00:27:36 If you put a sign up that says "Don't kill niggas,"
570 00:27:38 niggas won't kill niggas.
571 00:27:40 [groaning]
572 00:27:44 "I was about to murder a nigga.Who put that sign up?
573 00:27:48 [groaning]
574 00:27:51 How long that sign been there?""I don't know."
575 00:27:54 [grunting]
576 00:27:57 A nigga will read a parking sign for 30 minutes before he parks.
577 00:28:02 "Before 12:00, after 8:00, between the hours of 6:00 and 2:00.
578 00:28:08 This shit looks like homework. Uh..."
579 00:28:11 You talk to people you don't even know.
580 00:28:13 "Could you all come here for a second?
581 00:28:16 When you look at this sign, what do you see?"
582 00:28:19 You look at a sign like it's fine art."What do you see, looking at this sign?
583 00:28:23 Klaus, what do you see?"
584 00:28:25 "Everybody, gather around and look at the sign.
585 00:28:29 Man, it's like an eclipse.Look at the sign, everybody enjoy it."
586 00:28:33 The sign's like Family Feud.Everybody gets in the corner.
587 00:28:36 Everybody's huddled up."What you all think?
588 00:28:38 What? Okay.
589 00:28:39 Hey, Steve, we'll take "Don't Park"for $400.
590 00:28:43 Yeah.
591 00:28:44 You want to respect that shit.
592 00:28:47 But the gun laws don't affect us.
593 00:28:48 Gun laws are about other shit.
594 00:28:50 If you want to change the gun laws,change the laws for the motherfuckers
595 00:28:54 that's fucking people up with guns.
596 00:28:56 I mean, fucking people up.
597 00:28:58 Mass murderers, terrorist-type shit.
598 00:29:00 Look at a crazy motherfucker,and know that he's crazy.
599 00:29:04 We can't do that.We don't want to be profiled.
600 00:29:06 Black people hate being profiled.
601 00:29:08 We're profile, and we don't want to be profiled.
602 00:29:11 We think everything's because we're black.
603 00:29:13 "You're pulling me over because I'm black."
604 00:29:16 "It's nothing to do with the gunand cocaine on your seat?" "Ah."
605 00:29:21 "With the baby dancing in the back, dancing on the seat?"
606 00:29:24 "My daddy got cocaine and a gun on his seat!"
607 00:29:32 Or racism. Everything's racism or ISIS.
608 00:29:35 No, no. Motherfuckers are just crazy.
609 00:29:36 I don't give a damn about racism.It doesn't affect me, personally.
610 00:29:40 People keep saying "Racism's back,"like racism left.
611 00:29:43 Like racism was a person at home.
612 00:29:45 "Wait a minute. They're getting along?"
613 00:29:47 [audience laughing]
614 00:29:50 "Racism, when did you come back?""Just know I'm back.
615 00:29:54 Shit's about to change again!" No.
616 00:29:56 We've been racist. Everybody's racist.
617 00:29:58 Some of you black people are racist.
618 00:30:00 Quit playing.
619 00:30:01 Some of you niggas
620 00:30:03 got old-ass, 80- to 90-year-old grandparents who are racist as fuck.
621 00:30:07 [deep voice]"Get this white bitch out of my house."
622 00:30:12 "Granddaddy, don't act like that. You know that's my wife."
623 00:30:15 [deep voice]"You get that white bitch out of here!
624 00:30:19 You know I'm playing the lotterythis week! Get her out of here!
625 00:30:22 She's fucking up my luck. Get the bitch out of here right now!"
626 00:30:29 "The grand-kids miss you."
627 00:30:31 "Get them mixed motherfuckers out of here!
628 00:30:34 Get them beebies out of here!"
629 00:30:35 "Beebies?""Babies! Get them out this bitch!
630 00:30:39 Little babies motherfucker!""They miss you."
631 00:30:41 "They miss me being a slave, nigga!That's what they miss."
632 00:30:46 We gonna march here, right now,if I play these numbers.
633 00:30:52 So, I don't want to hear about racism.
634 00:30:55 There's a decision to make.
635 00:30:56 There's jobs black people still don't trust black people with.
636 00:31:00 Obama had the best job in the world,who wouldn't think it even exists.
637 00:31:04 And still, there's jobs niggas don't trust niggas with.
638 00:31:07 Ain't that crazy?
639 00:31:08 Obama. Cool-ass job. Walked in there, super-swaggy.
640 00:31:11 Loves hip-hop, fade was dope as hell.
641 00:31:14 On the way in, fly. On the way out, fly.
642 00:31:16 He was freeing motherfuckers.
643 00:31:18 Walked into jail, "Free goes your man."
644 00:31:20 "Nigga!"
645 00:31:21 [audience laughs]
646 00:31:24 He let Gucci Mane go.
647 00:31:26 And still black people don't trust black people with certain jobs.
648 00:31:30 You walk into a tax office, and a nigga's working there.
649 00:31:32 [groaning]
650 00:31:38 "I'm gonna go to the car, man.
651 00:31:40 Do the math or something. I'll be back."
652 00:31:43 Pull up to the club, there's a black valet driver.
653 00:31:46 [groans]
654 00:31:49 "I'm gonna park it myself, Leroy.""Leroy?
655 00:31:53 My name ain't no goddamn Leroy."
656 00:31:55 "You look like a Leroy."
657 00:31:58 Black people don't trust black people
658 00:32:00 that look like a black personthey didn't trust.
659 00:32:03 Want me to say it again slow for y'all?
660 00:32:06 Did you all get it?
661 00:32:08 NIggas don't trust a nigga
662 00:32:10 that looks like a nigga they didn't trust.
663 00:32:13 You look like my cousin. That nigga be robbing and stealing.
664 00:32:18 This ain't your face. Nothing against you.
665 00:32:20 Nope.
666 00:32:23 But we need to profile the shitthat's fucked up.
667 00:32:26 I like to call it the "shit-uations".
668 00:32:28 We need to profile peoplethat really seperate shit.
669 00:32:31 These murdering motherfuckers.
670 00:32:34 All we got to do is remember what we're here for.
671 00:32:37 I get it. "Black Lives Matter." I'm here.
672 00:32:39 I get it, 2,000 percent. All lives matter, I hear you.
673 00:32:42 Nobody wants to die. But, goddammit, awareness matters.
674 00:32:45 Go back to being aware.We're not aware no more.
675 00:32:48 -[applause]-We're not looking for the crazy!
676 00:32:50 When you were little, you looked for the crazy.
677 00:32:53 "There goes that crazy motherfucker."
678 00:32:54 The nigga at the park with a bike and no wheels on it.
679 00:33:02 On the see-saw by himself."How's he doing that?"
680 00:33:07 -"I'm everyone's parent."-"No!"
681 00:33:11 Call the motherfucker crazy.
682 00:33:13 Somebody looks out of place, approach them.
683 00:33:15 You could stop a terrorist act."You look weird. What are you doing?
684 00:33:19 You're at a pool party with a fur coat on.Nigga, leave.
685 00:33:23 You awkward.
686 00:33:25 Tell me one time you've seen a crazy thing happen
687 00:33:29 that you didn't look at the picture and say "Who let that crazy person in?"
688 00:33:34 Come on, man. Shot up the movie theater?
689 00:33:36 The movie theater where you're chilling?
690 00:33:38 I was pissed.Where was the awareness?
691 00:33:40 Who the fuck sold him a ticket?
692 00:33:43 He looked weird as fuck!
693 00:33:45 And he was dressed like Batman,going to see Return of the Jedi.
694 00:33:51 I wouldn't have given him a ticket."Go home.
695 00:33:52 Even if you shot me, you still ain't getting in." No!
696 00:33:56 But that's not what we're doing.Everybody's just Snapchatting.
697 00:33:59 Everybody cares about themselves.
698 00:34:01 "Look, he's gonna shoot me!
699 00:34:04 Oh, shit! Nigga, I just got shot! Twice!
700 00:34:07 Oh, shit!
701 00:34:08 Now put the dog filter on me!
702 00:34:10 [barking]
703 00:34:14 Dead dog, dead dog.
704 00:34:17 Nigga, tell me how many likes I die with."
705 00:34:22 No, look for the crazy motherfucker.
706 00:34:25 Miami. Dude at the airport lands,gets his bag, unzips it,
707 00:34:29 and shoots people in the airport,while they're getting their bags.
708 00:34:33 That is some shit niggas prepare for.
709 00:34:35 Nobody here is out of line.
710 00:34:36 Nigga, if I was in that bitch,you'd have been shot.
711 00:34:41 "I wish I were dead."
712 00:34:43 "No, you don't. That ain't your real wish."
713 00:34:45 You don't know what you're gonna do.You hear, "Pow pow!"
714 00:34:48 You're like, "Shit, this city's crazy.
715 00:34:50 He right here. Oh, shit!"
716 00:34:54 And he looks crazy.
717 00:34:56 Which means he looked crazy on the plane.
718 00:34:59 Which means somebody sat next to himand didn't go,
719 00:35:01 "What's your crazy-looking ass doing in Miami?"
720 00:35:05 Because crazy people talk to you.
721 00:35:07 "I want to kill people."
722 00:35:08 "Oh, yeah? Thank you.
723 00:35:10 Ding! Miss?
724 00:35:12 [shouting] Miss!
725 00:35:15 [calmly]I'd like some peanuts, some cran-apple...
726 00:35:18 [quietly shouting]That nigga crazy!"
727 00:35:21 "What?"[shouting] "That nigga crazy!
728 00:35:26 The nigga right next to me.
729 00:35:28 That motherfucker right there.
730 00:35:31 Bitch turn the air on, air off.
731 00:35:33 [groans]
732 00:35:35 The fucker's nuts!
733 00:35:38 Awareness. Help each other.
734 00:35:42 A white boy walks into a church in South Carolina.
735 00:35:45 People worshiping God.
736 00:35:47 Shot up the place.
737 00:35:49 Immediately,"He's racist! We saw swastikas!"
738 00:35:51 No, no, no. He was fucking nuts.
739 00:35:55 He wasn't racist. He smoked weed with a nigga all that week.
740 00:35:59 You don't smoke weed with black peopleif you're racist.
741 00:36:01 You don't want black lips on your blunt.
742 00:36:05 He was crazy.
743 00:36:06 Where was the awareness?
744 00:36:08 I know lives were lost. Please forgive me.
745 00:36:11 Anybody that lost someone that day, it's fucked up.
746 00:36:14 But let's get the awareness up.
747 00:36:15 A brand-new white dude showed up to a black church,
748 00:36:19 who wasn't Jesus.
749 00:36:24 And nobody went to the door,"No new members today!
750 00:36:27 You crazy motherfucker.Get the fuck out of here!
751 00:36:30 Did he look crazy?
752 00:36:31 Deacon, Deacon, he looked nuts, right?"
753 00:36:35 I guarantee if I go to a Catholic church tonight
754 00:36:38 and I stand outside like this...
755 00:36:46 "Not today, my son. Get this motherfucker out of here."
756 00:36:51 Yes, let's be aware.
757 00:36:53 Awareness is important. Orlando.
758 00:36:56 Dude walked into that cluband killed all them beautiful people
759 00:36:59 enjoying themselves.
760 00:37:01 Partying.
761 00:37:02 Now, the problem.
762 00:37:04 If you got a .22, you could sneak that into a club.
763 00:37:08 A .380, maybe I'd have pulled it off.
764 00:37:11 A 9mm, if you and your boy bump when they pat you down,
765 00:37:14 I heard you can get one in.
766 00:37:24 Just mental Atlanta in this bitch.
767 00:37:27 But that ain't what happened.He had that motherfucking...
768 00:37:32 Who the--
769 00:37:33 [stammers]
770 00:37:35 Didn't anybody in that parking see that motherfucker?
771 00:37:39 You can't miss that shit.This move is unmissable.
772 00:37:44 Somebody had to see it.
773 00:37:46 Somebody at home is guiltyof not warning those people.
774 00:37:49 People say, "Stop snitching,"but I'm telling.
775 00:37:52 If you don't knowthat motherfucker coming,
776 00:37:54 I'm gonna go, "Hey!
777 00:37:56 I know! Ha, ha! Yeah.My eyes are beautiful. I appreciate it.
778 00:38:00 Listen!
779 00:38:01 There's a crazy motherfucker right now.He's about to kill everybody.
780 00:38:05 Get the fuck out of here.You're welcome!
781 00:38:07 I'm out this bitch.
782 00:38:11 Let's save some lives.
783 00:38:15 I was tripping, because they said it was a gay hate-crime in Orlando.
784 00:38:20 That wasn't a gay hate-crime.He was mad at himself because he was gay.
785 00:38:23 That's what happened. Yeah.
786 00:38:25 Y'all ain't got to think with me,
787 00:38:27 but I think one of the dudes in there fucked him.
788 00:38:30 Yup.
789 00:38:33 Call it how you want to.
790 00:38:34 I think one of the dudes in that clubfucked him
791 00:38:37 and then stopped fucking with him.
792 00:38:39 Because gay dudes are harsher than women.
793 00:38:42 "Oh, you thought this was a relationship?[raspberries]
794 00:38:45 No, boo-boo. Be gone, be strong, so long!"
795 00:38:48 "Nigga!
796 00:38:51 What?
797 00:38:52 What?"
798 00:38:58 That's crazy.
799 00:39:00 Dick drove him crazy.
800 00:39:03 Listen to those words.
801 00:39:04 "Dick drove him crazy."
802 00:39:07 Which is nobody's businessbecause we all evolve as people.
803 00:39:10 Whoever wants to make love or have sex
804 00:39:12 or fuck who they want to fuck,that's up to you.
805 00:39:14 We all want different things as we grow.
806 00:39:16 Who's sexing who is none of our business.
807 00:39:19 It's like you worrying about how much airis in everybody's tires when you driving.
808 00:39:25 "That shit's low. That's all right, there.
809 00:39:28 Is that a Hummer? He needs about 45 pounds per--"
810 00:39:30 It's none of your fucking business.
811 00:39:32 But I'll tell you this!
812 00:39:34 Shit like that,
813 00:39:35 that's one of the main reasonsI would never be gay.
814 00:39:39 Shit like that.
815 00:39:40 Yes, dick drove him crazy.
816 00:39:43 And I know what my dickdoes to women.
817 00:39:47 Yes.
818 00:39:48 So, I'll be damned if I run intoa DeRay-Dick nigga.
819 00:39:54 I'll be outside another man's house..."James!"
820 00:40:00 James!
821 00:40:06 Nigga ain't even got no gum.
822 00:40:09 James!
823 00:40:10 I'm a Pisces, too. James!"
824 00:40:13 Someone's consoling me. "Just calm down."
825 00:40:16 "You calm down!"
826 00:40:19 Fuck that. No bet.
827 00:40:23 No "a-dick-tion" for me.
828 00:40:27 I just want everybody to be aware.
829 00:40:30 I even tell my family. I tell my daughters, "Be aware."
830 00:40:33 My daughter's an unaware motherfucker.
831 00:40:36 A little, unaware nigga.
832 00:40:39 She's so different from me.
833 00:40:40 I love her, but so different.
834 00:40:43 You want your kids' lives to be better
835 00:40:45 but you still want themto have the hood in them.
836 00:40:47 Does that make sense?Or am I fucking up?
837 00:40:50 You want your kid to be fun and fun-lovingbut you want to be like,
838 00:40:53 "Hey, Daddy, who's that motherfucker over there?"
839 00:40:56 "That ain't nobody.""Okay, back to my game!"
840 00:41:01 But I'm, like, "Don't trust that motherfucker."
841 00:41:03 [as a girl] "Dad, you don't even know."[mutters]
842 00:41:06 You don't know these kids!
843 00:41:08 Kids are different now!
844 00:41:10 You call a kid "ugly," "fat," "stupid," "tall," "smart"...
845 00:41:14 "You're too handsome to be here."That's called "bullying."
846 00:41:17 When I was little,that shit was called "school."
847 00:41:21 You got roasted for no reason.
848 00:41:22 "Yo fake-ass, Polo shirt,horse-on-one-side,
849 00:41:24 man-on-the-other-ass nigga.
850 00:41:26 Them Jordans, sitting-down-on-the-side-of-your-shoe,
851 00:41:29 waiting-to-get-in-the-game-ass nigga.
852 00:41:31 Your-daddy-ain't-been-homein-four-months nigga."
853 00:41:33 Niggas roasted you.
854 00:41:34 You ran home,"Mama, what did you tell them niggas?"
855 00:41:41 But you can't roast kids now. Kids get upset.
856 00:41:43 That kid who got talked about, He was like, "Fuck this."
857 00:41:45 Went home during lunch, walked five miles home.
858 00:41:48 Went in his mama's room, got the gun,
859 00:41:50 went back to the school,and shot the kids up.
860 00:41:53 I was baffled. Like, "Damn!...
861 00:41:57 This nigga gets to go in his mama's room?"
862 00:41:59 [audience laughing]
863 00:42:03 Mamas are different now!
864 00:42:05 Not my mama. "You don't need shit out of this motherfucker!
865 00:42:09 Who the fuck been in my goddamn room?
866 00:42:11 I know you been in here! My carpet's laid down different!
867 00:42:15 And you've been in my quarters.Three are missing!
868 00:42:17 It was a 1976...
869 00:42:19 a 1976..." [chuckling]
870 00:42:21 That bitch knew the years on the quarters.
871 00:42:23 "It was a 1976 quarter.
872 00:42:26 That one had a ship on the back.I got that quarter from your uncle."
873 00:42:31 "We gotta get the quarters back, nigga!
874 00:42:33 Return the cookies! Return the cookies!"
875 00:42:40 I snuck in my mama's room one time,
876 00:42:43 because I wanted to taste a Pepsi.I had never tasted one.
877 00:42:48 And my white friend said they were delicious.
878 00:42:51 I knew black mamas had all the brand shit in their rooms.
879 00:42:55 She got good shit in there.
880 00:42:56 We're all drinking and eatingthat bullshit.
881 00:42:59 "Who baked this shit?""The store."
882 00:43:03 Drinking that bullshit-ass soda. Red soda pop, black cherry,
883 00:43:06 cream soda, fucking your stomach up.
884 00:43:08 You don't even know why you're sick the next morning. "What's wrong?"
885 00:43:11 Tastes like Alka Seltzer with food coloring in it.
886 00:43:15 With a splash of honey.
887 00:43:18 My cousin pumped me up.
888 00:43:20 He said, "You deserve to taste Pepsi, too.
889 00:43:23 Ain't those supposed to be your food stamps, too?"
890 00:43:29 I said, "Sure is."
891 00:43:32 I ran into my mama's room, so nervous.
892 00:43:34 I slid under the bed, next to the Pepsis.
893 00:43:39 I couldn't open the can, I was so nervous.
894 00:43:41 I just bit that bitch. I bit into the goddamn...
895 00:43:44 Blood and aluminum ran down my throat.But it was delicious.
896 00:43:48 To this day, I still crave aluminum now and then.
897 00:43:53 To show myself I made it.
898 00:43:56 But awareness is important.
899 00:43:58 I grew up staying aware, to this day.
900 00:44:01 I was at a club in LA, enjoying myself.
901 00:44:04 The music was great.A mix of old school and new school.
902 00:44:07 I'm outside the club, talking to three beautiful women.
903 00:44:10 "DeRay, we want to go back to your place."
904 00:44:12 I said, "Shit, I never heard that before."
905 00:44:15 Yes, I lied. And, um...
906 00:44:19 While we're talking, two girls across the street start arguing.
907 00:44:22 [as a female]"Fuck you, bitch! You stupid-ass bitch!"
908 00:44:26 "You ain't doing shit, bitch!. You're a raggedy-ass bitch!"
909 00:44:29 I said, "That ain't got nothing to do with me. Let 'em live."
910 00:44:32 Then their boyfriends start arguing."You better get your girl!
911 00:44:35 Get your ugly-ass girl, nigga!"
912 00:44:40 I said, "That's got nothing to do with me.Let it live over there."
913 00:44:43 Then he said two words you don't want to hear outside a club.
914 00:44:46 [shouting]"All right, watch this!"
915 00:44:48 I said, "Huh?"
916 00:44:51 White people, if you're watching this right now,
917 00:44:54 know whenever two niggas arguing,and one says "Watch this,"
918 00:44:56 don't watch.
919 00:44:58 He ain't trying to teach you a dance.Get the fuck out of there.
920 00:45:02 One of them came around the corner, firing.
921 00:45:05 Fop, fop, fop, fop, fop, fop! I said, "Fuck!"
922 00:45:08 Everybody outside the club dropped to the ground.
923 00:45:11 Like the nigga shooting couldn't aim down.
924 00:45:15 Say what you want about DeRay,
925 00:45:17 "Bitch-ass nigga from Chicago,that's light-skin shit."
926 00:45:20 Shit, I made a motherfucking people-carpetout of all them motherfuckers.
927 00:45:25 I stepped on legs, thighs, wings,all that shit.
928 00:45:28 Lace fronts, new fronts, new Jordans, old Jordans.
929 00:45:31 I ran across them all.
930 00:45:32 True shit! I ran throughthe motherfuckers,
931 00:45:34 ran back into the club, went into the bathroom,
932 00:45:36 pulled my pants down,acted like I was shitting.
933 00:45:39 I always thought as a kid, a dudewouldn't kill a dude who was shitting.
934 00:45:44 "I'm shitting!""Oh, no disrespect."
935 00:45:46 He'll leave because it's disrespectful.
936 00:45:58 While I was in there on the toilet,Like, "Oh, man. Oh, man."
937 00:46:01 The door opened. I'm like, "Fuck. Fuck!"
938 00:46:04 I see the feet walking in.Real shit. I said, "Fuck."
939 00:46:06 And the dude was, like,
940 00:46:09 [whispering] "Fuck. Shit."
941 00:46:10 I opened the door, it was a dude who had got shot.
942 00:46:13 I said, "Hey, what's up?"
943 00:46:15 He said, "Nigga, I feel it travelling."And then he said,
944 00:46:18 "I hate when this happens.""Nigga?
945 00:46:24 This ain't the first time?"
946 00:46:25 He says, "Call my girl. I don't to go out like this.
947 00:46:28 I want her to know I love her."I was like, "All right."
948 00:46:30 "I don't know what to say.""Call my girl."
949 00:46:33 I was like, "Fuck." I called the number.
950 00:46:35 He's like "Talk for me." I said, "Hello?"
951 00:46:37 She said, "Hey, baby."
952 00:46:38 I said, "No! He's next to me. He got shot."
953 00:46:41 "Oh, my God. Where you at?""We're at the club."
954 00:46:44 And the nigga said, "Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
955 00:46:49 Mm-mmm!" I said, "What?"
956 00:46:54 [low voice]"We're at the pool hall!"
957 00:46:57 "What?""The pool hall, nigga!"
958 00:46:59 Like, what?
959 00:47:01 [deep voice] Give me my phone! "Hello, baby!
960 00:47:04 Baby!"
961 00:47:05 [chuckling]
962 00:47:13 Awareness is important.
963 00:47:15 Be aware of everything.
964 00:47:17 Be aware.They say the end of the world is coming.
965 00:47:20 Show me.
966 00:47:21 I don't think it's the end. I think we're right in the middle.
967 00:47:24 Animals think it's the end. Animals don't give a shit no more.
968 00:47:28 Crocodiles eating babies at fucking theme parks.
969 00:47:32 The crocodile ate the baby!
970 00:47:34 And the family said, "We just want to grieve.
971 00:47:38 We're not going to sue."
972 00:47:39 I was, like, "Shit!
973 00:47:40 I'm suing, nigga.
974 00:47:42 When I come back there's gonna be a DeRay ride in this bitch!"
975 00:47:46 What the fuck?
976 00:47:48 Animals don't give a fuck no more.
977 00:47:49 You see that gorilla drag that little boy?"Whose little baby is this right here?
978 00:47:54 Whose baby?" [muttering]
979 00:47:58 Scared the fuck out of everybody.
980 00:47:59 "Which one of you bitchesleft this motherfucker?
981 00:48:06 Ain't nobody gonna say shit?
982 00:48:12 I'm mopping the goddamn floor with this little nigga
983 00:48:15 and nobody's gonna say something?"
984 00:48:19 And black people were surprised.
985 00:48:21 You're like, "Look, another little white baby fell at the zoo."
986 00:48:26 When you see it's a black baby, it's like "Oh, shit!
987 00:48:29 He's black!"
988 00:48:31 And white people say, "See? It can happen.
989 00:48:35 It's about time! We were wondering."
990 00:48:38 I was so happy that little nigga got dropped.
991 00:48:42 I was!
992 00:48:43 Hey, fuck,
993 00:48:44 say what you want to say,
994 00:48:45 I was happy that little nigga got dropped on his bad ass.
995 00:48:49 I heard he told his mama twicethat he was getting in the gorilla pit.
996 00:48:52 "I'm about to go with the gorillas."
997 00:48:57 She said, "You better not!"
998 00:48:58 "Bitch, what are you gonna do when I do it?"
999 00:49:01 Nothing happened to him.I was pissed off.
1000 00:49:04 Not a scratch, not a bite,not a broken bone.
1001 00:49:07 Nothing happened to him. I was mad as fuck.
1002 00:49:09 The parent in me was mad,because no life lesson was learned.
1003 00:49:14 Life lessons are important.
1004 00:49:15 That little motherfucker is gonna be a problem when he grows up.
1005 00:49:18 You ain't gonna be able to tell him shit!
1006 00:49:21 Third grade, 10-years-old,cursing teachers out.
1007 00:49:23 "Bitch, I've been with the gorillas!"
1008 00:49:28 [grunting]
1009 00:49:38 "Calm down."
1010 00:49:39 [hooting]"Who are you talking to, bitch?
1011 00:49:43 You don't tell Caesar to calm down, bitch.
1012 00:49:47 You don't tell Caesar to calm down.
1013 00:49:49 Better put your hand out, bitch, and get rubbed.
1014 00:49:52 Put your hand out. Show a palm, bitch.
1015 00:49:55 Hoo, ha! Hoo, ha.
1016 00:49:58 Fuck your...
1017 00:49:59 [pants]...A-B-Cs, bitch!"
1018 00:50:06 I wish the fuck I had fell in that pit.
1019 00:50:10 If my mama, my ghetto-ass, broke-ass,barely-fucking-making-it mama
1020 00:50:15 she took a day off to take me to the zoo...
1021 00:50:17 and I fall in the pit?
1022 00:50:20 Nigga, on accident or on purpose,
1023 00:50:24 the minute I land, I turn around,"My nigga, you gotta keep me!
1024 00:50:28 [audience laughing]
1025 00:50:30 I'm your baby, now.
1026 00:50:32 Me gorilla, too.
1027 00:50:35 She's crazy.
1028 00:50:36 She'll come down here,whup me, and whup you, too.
1029 00:50:42 Drag foot. Hurt.
1030 00:50:46 Hurt."
1031 00:50:50 I wish I'd fallen in that pit, and nothing happened to me.
1032 00:50:54 I don't need medical attention.
1033 00:50:56 And I'm embarrassedto let this motherfucking zoo...
1034 00:51:00 "Got these white people thinkingI'm gonna take care of your monkey ass?
1035 00:51:05 No other kid fell,
1036 00:51:06 but you're all close to the edge and shit!
1037 00:51:08 Like you ain't got no goddamned sense!
1038 00:51:12 In those goddamned school clothes I just bought you.
1039 00:51:15 I'm fucking you up.
1040 00:51:16 Because you think it's a game. I got your ass."
1041 00:51:22 That whole ride home, you're nervous as fuck.
1042 00:51:25 She's in the rear-view,looking dead at you.
1043 00:51:27 Talking to your auntie."Yeah, it was that nigga all in that pit!
1044 00:51:31 Like I'm gonna take care of his monkey-ass!
1045 00:51:34 Probably wanted a banana,his greedy ass, like his daddy.
1046 00:51:37 I'm gonna show this nigga an 'animal'when we get home.
1047 00:51:41 Watch me! Watch me show you!"
1048 00:51:45 You're at home, waiting on that whooping.[groans]
1049 00:51:48 [mock sobs]
1050 00:51:50 Knocking over shit in your room that doesn't matter. Your toys. Ha, ha.
1051 00:51:53 Punching the mattress.
1052 00:51:55 [grunts]
1053 00:51:56 Trying to get your brothers and sisters on your side.
1054 00:51:59 [sobbing] "Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen...
1055 00:52:03 Do I even like the zoo?
1056 00:52:07 Did I want to go to the zoo?
1057 00:52:09 Did I want to go?
1058 00:52:10 Do I ever want to go to the zoo?
1059 00:52:12 I was sleeping. "Do you want to go to the zoo?"
1060 00:52:15 I said okay.
1061 00:52:17 Okay!"
1062 00:52:19 They're trying not to touch you."No, please.
1063 00:52:23 If you get a whupping, we all get a whupping.
1064 00:52:25 She said she's gonna show you her animal, nigga!
1065 00:52:28 She ain't never said that before."[groans]
1066 00:52:33 "Just help me!"
1067 00:52:34 "We can't help you now.
1068 00:52:36 You fell in the pit.
1069 00:52:39 You almost died, so now you'regetting a whupping."
1070 00:52:45 When you're thinking your mamais gonna forget,
1071 00:52:47 you hear her coming up the stairs,"Hey, zookeeper!"
1072 00:52:54 Awareness.
1073 00:52:58 Those were the fun times, though. It's not fun no more.
1074 00:53:01 Those were the times when you didn't have to be aware of even the police.
1075 00:53:06 You didn't.
1076 00:53:07 As a young black kid,you wouldn't worry about getting killed.
1077 00:53:10 You wouldn't. Shit's weird now.
1078 00:53:12 Now you gotta be aware of them, too.
1079 00:53:14 It's scary, the police shooting people.
1080 00:53:16 Making horrible fucking decisions.
1081 00:53:18 I'm not saying all police.There's good police.
1082 00:53:20 There's police that make good decisions.
1083 00:53:22 Domestic violence,both of you got a black eye.
1084 00:53:25 "Go to bed."
1085 00:53:26 [audience laughing]
1086 00:53:28 That's a good cop.
1087 00:53:29 [chuckles]
1088 00:53:31 "Looks about even, go to sleep."
1089 00:53:33 Not all police are bad,but the ones that are bad
1090 00:53:35 make it look bad for everybody. They do.
1091 00:53:37 And I'm scared of the retaliation.There's been a couple times--
1092 00:53:40 We've seen it.
1093 00:53:41 Innocent people get killed, and innocent police get killed.
1094 00:53:44 And we felt bad for them.
1095 00:53:46 If you had a heart, you did.Like, "She was just sitting in the car."
1096 00:53:49 Black woman, sitting in a car, gets shot.That's not cool.
1097 00:53:52 I don't want to get shot at my jobbecause someone else did some shit.
1098 00:53:56 Nigga, I barely want to work.
1099 00:54:01 That dude in Dallas was shooting at policeso accurately,
1100 00:54:04 they shot it was four shooters.
1101 00:54:07 Like, your ass whupped by one dude,go home, "Baby, I got jumped!"
1102 00:54:11 And I'm not making light of the lives that were lost. I'm not.
1103 00:54:15 Because they were some brave-ass police.
1104 00:54:17 They heard over the radio that a sniper was shooting just the police.
1105 00:54:22 And those motherfuckers stayed the police.
1106 00:54:25 Me, on that night--Nigga, I was...
1107 00:54:35 I would have been out there in just my drawers, with a radio.
1108 00:54:38 "Kssh. Over.
1109 00:54:40 Y'all catch him yet? Over."
1110 00:54:42 "Davis is that you?""By the gas station, naked. Yes, sir.
1111 00:54:47 I suggest everybody get naked."
1112 00:54:50 Because it's fucked up.
1113 00:54:51 This is what I thinkpart of the problem is.
1114 00:54:54 They're hiring police and placing them in the wrong place.
1115 00:54:58 This is not your area.That's why shit it happening.
1116 00:55:01 You can't be a policeman in the hood if you don't know nothing about the hood.
1117 00:55:06 -[applause]-It's only fair.
1118 00:55:08 Do a little research. Know something.
1119 00:55:10 You can't pull me over if you don't know Migos, nigga.
1120 00:55:14 "They're pulling a nigga over!
1121 00:55:15 What are you pulling me over for,over for, over for?
1122 00:55:18 What are you pulling me over for,over for, over for?
1123 00:55:21 Step out the car, don't make a sound, lay on the ground.
1124 00:55:24 Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"
1125 00:55:26 You gotta know some shit like that.
1126 00:55:28 You gotta know a little hood.
1127 00:55:30 I think if there was a policemanfrom the hood in these situations,
1128 00:55:34 a life would have been saved.
1129 00:55:36 I think so.
1130 00:55:37 Because a hood cop is not going to choke you to the ground,
1131 00:55:40 and when you say you can't breathe,keeps choking.
1132 00:55:43 A hood cop will hear you say you can'tbreathe, and say "I got your ass!
1133 00:55:47 Remember this, nigga. You couldn't breathe!"
1134 00:55:50 A hood cop will walk up while a man'sselling DVDs outside a store.
1135 00:55:54 They're not gonna wrestle himto the ground, and then shoot him.
1136 00:55:58 And it goes viral.
1137 00:55:59 A hood cop is gonna walk upand say, "Hey, man.
1138 00:56:02 The store owner don't want you here, but what movies do you got?
1139 00:56:06 Shit, this ain't even out, nigga! Aliens: Forever? Nigga!
1140 00:56:11 Give me all this shit and get out of here.I'll get 10 movies tomorrow."
1141 00:56:16 Even if you're not getting 10 movies,they know how to defuse a situation.
1142 00:56:19 Because if you're not hood, shit looks scary to you!
1143 00:56:23 You think a lion walk through the jungle,sees another lion, and be, like...
1144 00:56:26 [shrieks]
1145 00:56:29 No.
1146 00:56:30 No.
1147 00:56:32 You're not from the hood, so shit looks scary.
1148 00:56:34 You pull past some dudes fucking around,
1149 00:56:37 and he's like, "What's up, police?What's up?"
1150 00:56:39 "Shit! Pow!
1151 00:56:42 Shit, he looked aggressive. Didn't he look aggressive?"
1152 00:56:45 "He did look aggressive to me. Did he to you?"
1153 00:56:47 "He looked aggressive to me."
1154 00:56:49 "Okay, on 'three'. One, two, three, 'Aggressive!'"
1155 00:56:54 It fucks you up, doesn't it?
1156 00:56:56 They visualize it different.
1157 00:56:57 A hood cop sees that different.
1158 00:56:59 Walk up, see the same hood dudes,"What's up, police? What's up?"
1159 00:57:02 "Cool off or I'll taze your ass right here."
1160 00:57:06 "Hood recognize hood. Don't taze me, man!
1161 00:57:08 I was just bullshitting."
1162 00:57:10 I'm playing. I was gonna give you my mix tape.
1163 00:57:13 My nigga!
1164 00:57:15 We shouldn't be scared of the police.
1165 00:57:18 Shouldn't be afraid of the police.
1166 00:57:20 You know what I do now, when I get pulled over by the police?
1167 00:57:23 Call the police.
1168 00:57:26 "Hello, there's a strange man outside my window.
1169 00:57:30 He has a gun. Uh... [chuckles]
1170 00:57:31 He wants me to step out of the car.
1171 00:57:33 What did you say? Don't step out?
1172 00:57:35 Y'all say 'Don't step out'"
1173 00:57:39 My police shows up, shakes his hand.
1174 00:57:41 "Shit, they know each other!" Call some more. "Hello."
1175 00:57:45 "Yes, can you send a Negro cop, please?
1176 00:57:48 Thank you."
1177 00:57:50 You ever get pulled over by a black copthat wasn't a "black" black cop?
1178 00:57:53 "What's up, family?""I ain't your family."
1179 00:57:55 "Oh, shit. Hello!
1180 00:57:58 Y'all sent the nigga from Get Out.Can y'all please send...
1181 00:58:02 a regular nigga. Yeah, regular. Yeah.
1182 00:58:04 Preferably, last name 'Washington.'
1183 00:58:07 Yes, thanks."
1184 00:58:12 Awareness.
1185 00:58:13 You used to be scared of the police
1186 00:58:15 because you were scared of the consequences of being pulled over.
1187 00:58:19 "I can't get pulled over now,I got dope in the trunk."
1188 00:58:21 "Can't get pulled over,I gotta get these kids."
1189 00:58:24 "Can't get pulled over, the bitchain't gonna believe I got pulled over."
1190 00:58:28 I was coming home from the clubon a Wednesday.
1191 00:58:30 It was late as fuck.
1192 00:58:31 My girl like, "Why are you so late?"
1193 00:58:33 I was like, "The police pulled me over,but they just gave me a warning."
1194 00:58:37 She was like, "Oh, for real?"I was like, "Yeah."
1195 00:58:39 She was like, "Okay."
1196 00:58:40 I came home Thursday, late again.
1197 00:58:42 This time, I really got pulled over.
1198 00:58:45 The police said, "I'll let you go with a warning."
1199 00:58:48 I was like, "Nigga!
1200 00:58:50 I'm gonna need a ticket!
1201 00:58:55 This bitch ain't gonna believe I got two warnings!
1202 00:58:57 What do I gotta do to get a ticket?"
1203 00:59:00 I hit him in the face. "Stole on, nigga! Come on!"
1204 00:59:08 You can't go home to no black womanwith two warnings.
1205 00:59:10 [as a female]"So, all they did is 'warn' you, huh?
1206 00:59:13 I see what we're doing, now. Cool!
1207 00:59:17 I'm going out all next week. I'ma get 'warned' every night, nigga!"
1208 00:59:23 It's a damn shame to be more scared of your woman
1209 00:59:28 than the number-one threatto black men in America, the police.
1210 00:59:32 You're more scared of your woman!Isn't that crazy?
1211 00:59:36 You pay all the bills, take care of everything, but you're scared.
1212 00:59:40 You'll fight eight dudes to defend herhonor, but scared to come home late.
1213 00:59:46 If you pull up to dark housewhen you know you're late,
1214 00:59:49 and the light comes on?"This bitch is up."
1215 00:59:56 You know she's in the house, starting shitup with herself, the way women do.
1216 01:00:02 That's why women get so mad. They start shit with themselves.
1217 01:00:05 They're making themselves mad.
1218 01:00:07 [groans]
1219 01:00:09 Talking to themselves. "He thinks I'm a stupid-ass bitch."
1220 01:00:14 You ever argue with your woman, she turnsand talk to someone who ain't there?
1221 01:00:18 "You think I'm a dumb-ass bitch?"
1222 01:00:20 "He thinks I am!"
1223 01:00:23 "Who the fuck are you talking to?
1224 01:00:25 Who else is here?"
1225 01:00:28 I got in an argument with an argument ninja one time, she was so good.
1226 01:00:31 She literally dodged my bullshit.I've never seen this in my life.
1227 01:00:35 "You're telling me you don't know that bitch?"
1228 01:00:37 I said, "I don't know her!"
1229 01:00:39 She said, "Whoa! You almost hit me with that bullshit.
1230 01:00:46 Because I know you know that whore!"
1231 01:00:51 "What the fuck? Did you just duck?"
1232 01:00:57 You all know you're crazy, too!
1233 01:00:58 Look, they know they're crazy, they're laughing.
1234 01:01:01 Sitting right next to you.
1235 01:01:02 [cackles]
1236 01:01:04 And it's okay?
1237 01:01:05 It's wild that women's crazy is accepted, but ours isn't.
1238 01:01:09 And we have nobody to help us.
1239 01:01:11 Women got their girlfriends to help them.
1240 01:01:13 If our boy is acting crazy,we let him know, at least.
1241 01:01:17 If your boy is acting crazy,"Hey, man! Nigga!
1242 01:01:20 You're out of character right now!"
1243 01:01:22 "Straight up.
1244 01:01:24 I'm clowning?""You clowning."
1245 01:01:26 "Thank you. Take me home."
1246 01:01:29 "Come on, man."
1247 01:01:30 Women don't care if a girlfriend's acting crazy. They don't give a fuck.
1248 01:01:33 Because crazy bitches can't see other crazy bitches.
1249 01:01:38 Its like The Walking Dead. A zombie doesn't see another zombie.
1250 01:01:41 You never see a zombie say, "What's up, nigga?"
1251 01:01:43 [groaning]"You're dead, too?"
1252 01:01:45 That's how crazy women are.
1253 01:01:51 You wonder why we keep our phones away from y'all.
1254 01:01:53 Fuck y'all.
1255 01:01:55 Because we know you're gonna find something wrong in there.
1256 01:01:58 Man don't even let women plug their phones in anymore.
1257 01:02:03 "Baby, I'll plug in the charger.""I got it, bitch."
1258 01:02:12 Every man's got that long-ass charger, now.
1259 01:02:17 It's so long, nigga's at the clubis charging his phone from home.
1260 01:02:20 "I got this shit."
1261 01:02:24 "I keep my battery on '99'because these be on '100'."
1262 01:02:30 You think your woman ain't gotyour cellphone code,
1263 01:02:33 you're the dumbest man breathing.
1264 01:02:35 How do they figure it out?
1265 01:02:36 "His birthday divided by his graduation number divided by his license plate.
1266 01:02:40 Boop, boop. I got that shit!"
1267 01:02:43 We use our fingerprints now!
1268 01:02:45 We don't trust our own codes.
1269 01:02:47 We're willing to give our informationto the government
1270 01:02:51 rather than your girl getting your shit.
1271 01:02:53 And she tries to get that shit!
1272 01:02:56 You're asleep, you feel your hand moving.
1273 01:02:58 "Bitch, let go of my hand!"
1274 01:03:00 "I wanted to cuddle.""You didn't want to cuddle, bitch!
1275 01:03:04 You had my index finger extended!
1276 01:03:07 I can't trust you!""You can trust me!"
1277 01:03:09 "Fuck, no! Now I got to sleep with oven mitts on this motherfucker! "
1278 01:03:16 Gotta sleep with boxing gloves on.I can't trust."
1279 01:03:29 "This nigga put boxing gloves on, bitch. What should I do?"
1280 01:03:35 I know it's our fault, though. It's our fault.
1281 01:03:38 We always get to wandering.
1282 01:03:40 That technology gets you to wandering.
1283 01:03:42 Instagram. "That bitch is bad, goddamn.
1284 01:03:45 Goddamn!
1285 01:03:47 How many times can I like the same picture?"
1286 01:03:50 A nigga's willing to break their fingeron a picture.
1287 01:03:52 "Goddamn!
1288 01:03:54 This picture's amazing!"
1289 01:03:57 Twitter, gotta follow, Snapchat.
1290 01:03:59 "This bitch, here! Look at this bitch!"
1291 01:04:04 Any new technology, man fucks with it.
1292 01:04:06 That waterproof phone came out."Nigga!"
1293 01:04:09 The waterproof phone? Men were immediatelyshower-talking other bitches.
1294 01:04:14 "Hello, other hoes!
1295 01:04:17 I don't have to leave my phone out there no more! Ha-ha!
1296 01:04:21 What am I doing?
1297 01:04:22 I'm washing my balls, getting ready for your jaws, bitch! Yes! [cackles]
1298 01:04:26 You know how it is!
1299 01:04:28 I'm doing what I do for you!
1300 01:04:30 Ha-ha!"
1301 01:04:34 Niggas were macking other bitches underwater.
1302 01:04:36 [trilling, gargling]
1303 01:04:41 "I'm single!"
1304 01:04:45 Crazy black girl is looking for your ass."Who are you talking to?
1305 01:04:50 Who the fuck are you talking to?"
1306 01:04:52 "You can't swim.""I don't care!"
1307 01:04:56 "You're going to drown.""I don't care!"
1308 01:05:01 "You're gonna fuck up your hair.""Uh-uh, Team Natural!"
1309 01:05:06 I'm DeRay Davis. I appreciate every one of y'all.
1310 01:05:10 [cheering, applause]
1311 01:05:12 [hip-hop music playing]
1312 01:05:27 [audience chanting]DeRay! DeRay! DeRay! DeRay!
1313 01:05:31 DeRay! DeRay! DeRay!
1314 01:05:33 DeRay! DeRay! DeRay! DeRay!
