人类 The Humans(2021)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:02 Good morning, Chicago.
2 00:00:03 The big question for Santa
3 00:00:05 is can he handle the Chicago weather.
4 00:00:07 What do I want for Christmas?
5 00:00:09 How about a winning team?
6 00:00:10 Any Chicago team.
7 00:00:12 You've already putyour wish in for Santa, right?
8 00:00:14 I sure have.I wrote a list, I checked it twice.
9 00:00:17 Blackhawk fans around the world
10 00:00:19 fans everywhere have had...
11 00:00:20 And I love this time of year.
12 00:00:46 We gotta hustle, Annie.
13 00:00:47 Come on. Let's go!
14 00:00:49 That's my friendstrying to reach me, isn't it?
15 00:00:51 You know, if I had my own phone...
16 00:00:54 There's no quit in you,and it's inspiring. Still a hard no.
17 00:00:57 Okay, let's sayI'm in a burning building.
18 00:00:59 No. A burning pet store.
19 00:01:01 No. A burning orphanage
20 00:01:04 and I need to make a phone call.
21 00:01:06 You'd feel so terrible.
22 00:01:08 Lives are at stake!
23 00:01:09 You're not getting a phone, Annie.I'm sorry.
24 00:01:11 I get more calls on your phonethan you do.
25 00:01:13 That's not true.
26 00:01:14 My friends have to text youjust to talk to me.
27 00:01:17 It's embarrassing.
28 00:01:18 I'm not embarrassing.Maeve's dad is embarrassing.
29 00:01:26 Still? The ice?
30 00:01:28 I told them to salt it.
31 00:01:30 You were saying?
32 00:01:32 One second.
33 00:01:35 Jake Doyle.
34 00:01:38 It's for you.
35 00:01:40 58 minutes to Grandpaand Grandma's. With traffic.
36 00:01:44 Boom!
37 00:01:46 Hey, you wanna shoot pucksin the driveway later?
38 00:01:49 No, thanks.
39 00:01:50 Why not? I thought you liked it.It's kind of our thing.
40 00:01:52 I don't like hockey anymore.
41 00:01:54 Oh, okay, well...
42 00:01:57 maybe we can build a snowmanwith Mom and your brother?
43 00:01:59 Dad.
44 00:02:01 We could...
45 00:02:03 Hey, hold up...
46 00:02:05 Listen, kiddo,I'm sorry about the phone.
47 00:02:07 It's not gonna happen.
48 00:02:09 I hate to see you disappointed.
49 00:02:11 Look, I know that this yearis a little bit different
50 00:02:13 but you can still havea good Christmas.
51 00:02:16 What about you?
52 00:02:20 I always have a good Christmas.
53 00:02:23 Hello?
54 00:02:25 Mom?
55 00:02:26 Must be out running errands.
56 00:02:30 Katie? Charlie?
57 00:02:32 I'm bored.
58 00:02:33 Why couldn't we visit Aunt Lizzyin Australia instead?
59 00:02:36 Those flights are crazy expensive.
60 00:02:38 Well...
61 00:02:40 what am I supposed to do here?
62 00:02:44 I...
63 00:02:49 Come on, come on.
64 00:02:52 Ta-da!
65 00:02:54 What is that?
66 00:02:55 That's my Nintendofrom when I was a kid.
67 00:02:58 It looks like Tupperware.
68 00:02:59 Tupperware?
69 00:03:01 Come on, let's play.
70 00:03:04 Can I text Maevefrom your phone after?
71 00:03:06 Can you...
72 00:03:08 Yes, but can I show youhow this works first, please?
73 00:03:11 - Yeah.- Thank you.
74 00:03:15 Oh, first, you have to do this.
75 00:03:17 Why?
76 00:03:18 I don't know, just how it works.
77 00:03:20 Nice. Maybe dust?
78 00:03:28 I thought you saidGrandma and Grandpa
79 00:03:29 didn't let you have video gameswhen you were little.
80 00:03:32 They didn't.
81 00:03:34 Then how'd you get it?
82 00:03:36 When I was a kid, I wanted a Nintendoworse than you want a phone.
83 00:03:40 That's not possible.
84 00:03:42 You know what?Today is your lucky day.
85 00:03:45 Because I am now going to tell you
86 00:03:47 the story abouthow I got my Nintendo.
87 00:03:49 But it is possiblythe most amazing, dangerous
88 00:03:53 awesome story of all time.
89 00:03:56 So... can you handle it?
90 00:03:59 Is it dangerous becauseI might die from boredom?
91 00:04:02 That's a good point.
92 00:04:04 The year was 1987. Or was it '88?
93 00:04:07 No. '85, Bears.
94 00:04:09 - Super Bowl was in '86...- Okay, does it really matter, Dad?
95 00:04:12 Okay, okay.
96 00:04:13 The year was the late '80s.
97 00:04:17 We'll call it December.
98 00:04:19 I was 11 years old.
99 00:04:22 In the winter,if the streets were plowed
100 00:04:25 I could make it to Timmy Keane'shouse in just under eight minutes.
101 00:04:31 On a bike? How fast were you going?
102 00:04:33 Super fast.
103 00:04:34 Did you wear a helmet?
104 00:04:36 Yeah, of course.
105 00:04:38 We always wore helmets in the '80s.
106 00:04:41 Was it green?
107 00:04:43 Yeah. It was green.
108 00:04:44 Could I just tell the story?
109 00:04:46 - Yeah.- Thanks.
110 00:05:01 - Nintendo...- Nintendo...
111 00:05:06 The rule at Keane's was simple.
112 00:05:08 The first ten kids to get throughhis door got to play Nintendo.
113 00:05:11 You know how you meet some people
114 00:05:13 and you have no idea thatthey have a lot of money?
115 00:05:15 Yeah. Timmy Keanewas the opposite of that.
116 00:05:18 A known psycho
117 00:05:20 he had the tendencyto lose his mind on a regular basis.
118 00:05:23 - You're out!- You...
119 00:05:26 Stupid!
120 00:05:27 Idiot Grandma!
121 00:05:31 It was an early lessonin God's cruelty
122 00:05:33 giving the only Nintendo in townto a rich kid like Timmy Keane.
123 00:05:39 And every kid at Mary Todd LincolnElementary was at his mercy...
124 00:05:42 including my best friends.
125 00:05:44 Oh, another Saturday in the trenches.
126 00:05:48 Mikey Trotter.
127 00:05:49 Tough, tenacious. Was allowed towatch R-rated movies, and it showed.
128 00:05:54 I wanna set land mines in this yard.
129 00:05:57 Like in Platoon, blow everyone up.
130 00:06:00 Sounds dangerous.
131 00:06:01 Evan Olsen.
132 00:06:03 Nervous, allergic to beesand SpaghettiOs.
133 00:06:06 Probably has to go home soon.
134 00:06:08 I probably gotta go home soon.
135 00:06:10 More Nintendo for us.
136 00:06:11 Tammy Hodges.
137 00:06:12 Smart, confident,baseball card genius
138 00:06:15 and future CEO of Hodges Industries.
139 00:06:18 My Canseco rookie went up two bucks!
140 00:06:19 Yeah, that used to be my Canseco.
141 00:06:21 Teddy Hodges.
142 00:06:23 Tammy's twin brother.
143 00:06:24 Future assistant to the CEOof Hodges Industries.
144 00:06:27 Hey, guys. What's up?
145 00:06:28 Oh, yeah, and this kid.
146 00:06:30 Sorry, I'm late.I was on the phone with Bon Jovi.
147 00:06:32 Jeff Farmer.
148 00:06:33 Pathological liar.
149 00:06:35 Not really our friend,but always around.
150 00:06:37 And you left school early yesterday
151 00:06:39 because Tom Cruise needed youto stunt double for him?
152 00:06:41 He knows I too have a need for speed.
153 00:06:43 So, you didn't have diarrhea?
154 00:06:45 It was both. Tom Cruise and diarrhea.
155 00:06:47 The two are not mutually exclusive.
156 00:06:49 Shut up. He's coming out.
157 00:06:50 Nintendo! Nintendo!
158 00:06:52 Nintendo!
159 00:06:59 - Nintendo...- Nintendo...
160 00:07:03 Silence!
161 00:07:04 8.00am.
162 00:07:05 Game time.
163 00:07:07 Any of you huddled massescare for some Nintendo?
164 00:07:10 - Yeah!- Yeah!
165 00:07:11 Pick me! Pick me!
166 00:07:13 You. You. Not you.
167 00:07:16 You. You're good.
168 00:07:18 Yes! I got in!
169 00:07:22 We're in!
170 00:07:23 I love this place.
171 00:07:25 - Whoa!- Awesome.
172 00:07:27 And there she was, glisteningin all her gray plastic glory
173 00:07:31 a maze of rubber wiring andelectronic intelligence so advanced
174 00:07:36 it was deemed not a video game,but an 8-bit entertainment system.
175 00:07:41 Say hello to my little friend.
176 00:07:44 Hey, boots off!
177 00:07:45 There's tape over thereif you have holes in your socks.
178 00:07:50 Don't touch the wall! It's French.
179 00:07:53 - Wait, my brother's still outside.- Let me in!
180 00:07:56 You know the rules.
181 00:07:57 First ten, that's it.
182 00:07:58 But it's Teddy.
183 00:07:59 "But it's Teddy."
184 00:08:00 Jerk!
185 00:08:02 Too bad, so sad.
186 00:08:04 There was no denying he was a jerk.
187 00:08:06 There was also no denyinghe had the coolest basement
188 00:08:08 in the entire Central Time Zone.
189 00:08:11 A pool table, shuffle board,pinball machine
190 00:08:14 pop machine,movie-style popcorn-maker.
191 00:08:16 Hey, no sucking on the soda pop.
192 00:08:18 And a snack drawer better stocked
193 00:08:20 than most supermarketsin the greater Chicago area.
194 00:08:23 You guys hungry?You want some Pop-Tarts or something?
195 00:08:25 - Yeah. That'd be great.- Sure.
196 00:08:28 Mom.
197 00:08:30 Mom!
198 00:08:32 - Mom, wake up!- What?
199 00:08:34 Get me a Pop-Tart!
200 00:08:35 How many?
201 00:08:39 - Just one.- Does anybody...
202 00:08:48 Winner stays.
203 00:08:50 Die, die!
204 00:08:52 You're dead...
205 00:08:56 Hey, you guys wanna play?
206 00:08:58 Psych! Boom!
207 00:09:00 I can do this all day.
208 00:09:02 As I sat thereand watched Timmy Keane
209 00:09:04 blast away an inch from the screento his evil heart's content
210 00:09:08 one thing became clear.
211 00:09:09 I needed to get my own Nintendo.
212 00:09:11 Fast.
213 00:09:19 Oh, gee!
214 00:09:21 Y-O-U-R is possessive.
215 00:09:24 For weeks, I'd been plotting
216 00:09:25 how to get my parents to say "yes"to a Nintendo for Christmas.
217 00:09:29 "Scout" is misspelled.
218 00:09:31 Tonight was the nightI'd finally put my plan into action.
219 00:09:34 - "Atticus" is misspelled.- Mom.
220 00:09:38 Hey, Mom.
221 00:09:39 I'm so sorry, Mom
222 00:09:41 but I got some ketchupon my sweatshirt.
223 00:09:43 Oh, gosh. All right,let's get that out before it sets in.
224 00:09:46 You know, we boughtthat sweatshirt two sizes too big.
225 00:09:48 - I know.- It's gotta last you another year.
226 00:09:50 I don't know. Wow! Jesus!
227 00:09:54 My mom was always multi-tasking.
228 00:09:56 She thrived on the chaos.
229 00:09:58 Two things at once, she was golden.
230 00:10:00 But if you gave her a third taskto juggle, things got dicey
231 00:10:04 and you could get her to agree tostuff she wouldn't normally agree to.
232 00:10:07 Hey, so, Mom, I was thinking,for Christmas...
233 00:10:10 A kid who thinks. How refreshing.
234 00:10:12 Maybe you could teachmy students that.
235 00:10:14 Sure?
236 00:10:16 But just to make Christmas shoppinga little easier for me this year...
237 00:10:20 how about getting me a Nintendo?
238 00:10:23 Sure. That sounds great.
239 00:10:25 Mom gauntlet passed.
240 00:10:27 God bless it!
241 00:10:28 Is everything all right in there?
242 00:10:31 Has anyone seen my SKIL saw?
243 00:10:34 I think it's in the shower.
244 00:10:36 No, that's my jigsaw.I need my SKIL saw.
245 00:10:40 John, the SKIL sawis underneath the jigsaw.
246 00:10:43 You have to look harder.
247 00:10:45 Those are for the Muellers.
248 00:10:48 Of the 6,000 Christmas cookies
249 00:10:51 my mom had baked over the years
250 00:10:52 no one in my familyhad ever actually eaten one.
251 00:10:55 Hey, the milk is expired.
252 00:10:56 No. That's a suggestion. It's fine.
253 00:10:58 Jake! Where...
254 00:11:00 - What?- Come on in here and help me.
255 00:11:02 Normally, helping my dadwith whatever half-baked renovation
256 00:11:05 he was doing would bethe last thing I wanted to do
257 00:11:07 but tonight,I was a man on a mission.
258 00:11:11 I'll be right in, Dad.
259 00:11:13 Wow, look at that.
260 00:11:14 He finally wore you down.
261 00:11:16 My dadwas something of a dyslexic Bob Vila.
262 00:11:20 It was well-known up and downLinwood Avenue that in 1978
263 00:11:24 my father went to installa kitchen cabinet
264 00:11:26 and had not stopped since.
265 00:11:28 Please wearyour safety glasses this time.
266 00:11:30 Did you wear the safety glasses?
267 00:11:32 Absolutely.
268 00:11:35 Really?
269 00:11:37 Kind of.
270 00:11:43 All right, you can take that off now.
271 00:11:45 - What?- Take it off.
272 00:11:48 We'll look for the glasses later.
273 00:11:50 It's really more of a suggestion.
274 00:11:57 How'd you get your hands so strong?
275 00:11:59 I've been working with themfor over 30 years, that's how.
276 00:12:02 - That's so cool.- Yeah?
277 00:12:04 Maybe you guys couldget me something for Christmas
278 00:12:06 that builds up my hand strength,so I could help you out better.
279 00:12:11 You know, I like the sound of that.
280 00:12:14 Like a Nintendo?
281 00:12:16 Yeah.
282 00:12:18 Done.
283 00:12:20 All right.Let's go clean up. Come on.
284 00:12:23 You did it, Dad!
285 00:12:24 They said yes.
286 00:12:25 I was on cloud nine.
287 00:12:27 So the story's over, right?
288 00:12:29 Cool. Can I text Maeve now?
289 00:12:35 John, that cup is disgusting.
290 00:12:37 This is the exact cupI was drinking out of when...
291 00:12:39 When they beat the North Stars
292 00:12:40 - in the Conference semis in '85.- Fine. Yep.
293 00:12:43 It's a beautiful memoryand a gross cup.
294 00:12:46 Totally.
295 00:12:47 Stop saying "totally."You sound like a moron.
296 00:12:50 And what's your retainerdoing out of your mouth?
297 00:12:52 But we're eating.
298 00:12:53 Do you know how expensivethat thing is? Put it back in.
299 00:12:55 John, he really can't eat with it in.It doesn't work that way.
300 00:12:59 Well, it won't work at allif he loses it.
301 00:13:01 I mean, orthodontistryis the biggest racket.
302 00:13:03 I could make one of those. Easy.
303 00:13:05 Couple of paper clips,mouth guard... Done.
304 00:13:08 I'd like you to finishthe living room and the dining room
305 00:13:11 before you start workon their retainers.
306 00:13:12 If I had a retainer, I'd wear itall the time, no matter what.
307 00:13:16 I know you would, honey.You're such a sweetheart.
308 00:13:19 Hey, you haven't seenmy air compressor, have you?
309 00:13:22 It's in the backyard
310 00:13:23 right next to all the dog poopthat Jake didn't pick up.
311 00:13:25 Hey.
312 00:13:27 You haven't picked that up yet?
313 00:13:28 Cry in a bucket, Jake.
314 00:13:29 What have you been doing all day?
315 00:13:31 I was in Timmy Keane's basement.
316 00:13:33 What, you can't play outside?
317 00:13:34 It's cold.
318 00:13:35 It's not even below zero out.
319 00:13:37 What've you beendoing inside all day?
320 00:13:38 Probably playing the Mimtendo?
321 00:13:40 "Nintendo."
322 00:13:41 That's what I just said."Intendo," John.
323 00:13:43 You know, I ran into Mrs. Trotterat the Jewel today.
324 00:13:46 Apparently, video gameshave been doing
325 00:13:49 all kinds of strange thingsto children in Japan.
326 00:13:52 - Like what?- They get so involved
327 00:13:54 they completely forgetabout everything else.
328 00:13:56 School, friends.
329 00:13:58 One little boy had a brain aneurysm
330 00:14:00 and stuff oozed out of his nose.
331 00:14:03 I'm very gladthat we do not have one.
332 00:14:06 But you said I could get onefor Christmas.
333 00:14:08 I said nothing of the sort.
334 00:14:11 Video games make you fat, Jake.It's a fact.
335 00:14:14 Cabbage Patch Kidsdon't make you fat.
336 00:14:16 No...
337 00:14:18 Dad, you said I could have one, too.
338 00:14:20 No, I didn't. Well, okay, I did.
339 00:14:21 But I thought that it wasan Asian tool brand, like Makita.
340 00:14:24 You know what?You should be playing outside.
341 00:14:27 Evan Olsen almost got frostbitefrom playing outside.
342 00:14:30 He almost lost his pinkie toe.
343 00:14:32 The Olsens are weak stock.
344 00:14:33 No Nintendo in my house.
345 00:14:36 I second that.
346 00:14:37 Me three, and that makes a majority.
347 00:14:41 Looks like a no-go on the 'Tendo.
348 00:14:45 She's funny, John.
349 00:14:49 Best kid ever.
350 00:14:51 And just like that, it was gone.
351 00:14:53 I was never getting my own Nintendo.
352 00:14:55 My life was over.
353 00:15:00 Jake. Jake.
354 00:15:02 Come on. You gotta focus, man.
355 00:15:04 His parents said he couldn't geta Nintendo last night.
356 00:15:07 When my parents said no, I was so mad
357 00:15:08 I started calling themby their first names.
358 00:15:10 Okay, well, channel that angerinto taking down Jagorski.
359 00:15:23 Every day before school,we would gather
360 00:15:25 for reasons unknown,to get pummeled by Jagorski
361 00:15:28 in the game King of the Mountain.
362 00:15:32 My mountain! Mine!
363 00:15:36 It was never quite certain what grade
364 00:15:38 Josh "King of the Mountain" Jagorskiwas actually enrolled in
365 00:15:41 as the vast majority of his time
366 00:15:43 was spent in such foreign districtsas the principal's office
367 00:15:46 and the adult beveragerefrigerator case at the gas station.
368 00:15:51 Bye and bye.
369 00:15:55 Yeah! Come on!
370 00:15:57 He smells like my dad afterhe practices guitar in the garage.
371 00:16:00 Who wants a piece
372 00:16:02 of this delicious strawberry cake?
373 00:16:05 This is it. Let's go!
374 00:16:07 - Why now?- Do we have to?
375 00:16:10 Come on!
376 00:16:11 Come here!
377 00:16:14 Let's go! Let's go! Go...
378 00:16:21 Come on!
379 00:16:22 Just get him!
380 00:16:25 Yeah!
381 00:16:26 Come on.
382 00:16:29 How about a nice face wash, Doyle?
383 00:16:35 Yeah!
384 00:16:38 I hate that guy!
385 00:16:40 Me too.
386 00:16:41 Just think aboutthe Power Glove, man.
387 00:16:42 What? What Power Glove?
388 00:16:45 Yo, you didn't tell him?
389 00:16:46 - I thought you told him.- No.
390 00:16:48 The Power Glove.Keane got one last night.
391 00:16:52 No way!
392 00:16:54 - Yes, way.- For real.
393 00:16:55 - Awesome!- Look, he's already practicing.
394 00:17:00 Nice!
395 00:17:01 Psych!
396 00:17:03 We're all going overto his house after school to play it.
397 00:17:05 He's gonna let us in?
398 00:17:06 We gotta bribe him with gifts,but, yeah.
399 00:17:09 Who else knows?
400 00:17:10 Just us.
401 00:17:11 Well...
402 00:17:14 and Farmer.
403 00:17:15 Great. Farmer knows. Secret's safe.
404 00:17:18 Power Glove! Power Glove!
405 00:17:20 I didn't say anythingto anyone, I swear to God.
406 00:17:24 All right, fine.Maybe Meg Platt, Steve Dybsky
407 00:17:26 my second-period gym class,Coach Wallach, but that's it.
408 00:17:29 Come on, Farmer.Now we're never gonna get in.
409 00:17:31 I have a Power Glove at my house.
410 00:17:33 My uncle worksat the cardboard company...
411 00:17:35 You don't have one, Farmer.
412 00:17:38 No, I do not.
413 00:17:39 I don't think anybody in Chicagohas one yet besides Keane.
414 00:17:42 He's coming out!
415 00:17:44 - Power Glove...- Power Glove...
416 00:17:49 This is so dumb.
417 00:17:51 Just do it.
418 00:17:52 - Power Glove...- Power Glove...
419 00:18:09 I need a hero
420 00:18:17 Yeah, Keane, yeah!
421 00:18:24 It was the most beautiful pieceof machinery
422 00:18:26 I'd ever laid eyes on.
423 00:18:28 The thing made Luke Skywalker'srobot hand look like a Tinker toy.
424 00:18:32 Silence, children of Batavia.
425 00:18:35 And Coach.
426 00:18:38 What have you brought me?
427 00:18:39 - Me...- Me...
428 00:18:41 I got a goldfish! I got a goldfish!
429 00:18:44 Untraceable cash money!
430 00:18:47 You're not getting inwith that, dude.
431 00:18:49 It's a summer sausage. It's gourmet.
432 00:18:51 It's the best I could find.
433 00:18:53 Timmy! Timmy!
434 00:18:54 One!
435 00:18:56 Two! Three!
436 00:18:57 Hey, I got my dad'sSports Illustrated.
437 00:18:59 Yeah. Four. Yeah.
438 00:19:01 NASA moon rocks?
439 00:19:02 Moon rocks? No.
440 00:19:04 Summer sausage!
441 00:19:05 - It's my dad's. It's gourmet.- No.
442 00:19:09 I got a goldfish, Keane! You want it?
443 00:19:13 - But it's a good pet. It's a fish.- No.
444 00:19:28 Good girl, good girl.
445 00:19:39 Fetch! Go!
446 00:19:43 Settle down, peons.
447 00:19:47 Gentlemen.
448 00:19:50 Gentlemen and the Hodges girl.
449 00:19:52 Behold the Power Glove...
450 00:19:55 in all of its...
451 00:19:57 power.
452 00:20:00 Timmy Keane, dream journal.
453 00:20:02 I had the dreamabout Tammy Hodges again.
454 00:20:04 She was on a white horse,I was on a beach.
455 00:20:06 - I don't know what that means.- Turn it off!
456 00:20:08 Timmy, do you have your jammies on?
457 00:20:09 Mom, get out of here!
458 00:20:11 Okay.
459 00:20:12 - No one heard that. Understand?- Yeah.
460 00:20:18 Behold...
461 00:20:19 the power of the Power Glove.
462 00:20:24 You ready, Hodges?
463 00:20:26 Not everyone can usethese things, by the way.
464 00:20:28 You have to bespecially trained in Taekwondo
465 00:20:30 which is like karate,but just more expensive.
466 00:20:33 What a tool.
467 00:20:35 Oh, man. This was it.
468 00:20:37 The Power Glove. At last.
469 00:20:39 Each one of us in that basement knewwe were about to witness history.
470 00:20:48 Feel the Glove.
471 00:20:50 Felt like an Isotoner.
472 00:20:51 This is how you really punchwith power.
473 00:20:55 Come on.
474 00:21:02 Boom! You can give up now.
475 00:21:04 Nah. I think I'll win instead.
476 00:21:07 Yeah, Tammy!
477 00:21:12 Whoa!
478 00:21:13 Come on! Work!
479 00:21:15 We thought he was justmaking excuses, being a sore loser.
480 00:21:18 But we'd later realizeda horror that defined our generation.
481 00:21:22 The Power Glove sucked.
482 00:21:25 This glove sucks!
483 00:21:27 Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
484 00:21:31 Come on, unleash your power!
485 00:21:35 Yeah, yeah!
486 00:21:37 It's not working! Come on!
487 00:21:38 Silence him!
488 00:21:41 - Yeah!- Yeah!
489 00:21:43 Mommy, Tammy cheated!
490 00:21:46 Sucks to lose... to a girl.
491 00:21:51 Maybe it was the glove.
492 00:21:53 You tell 'em, Keane!
493 00:21:54 Maybe it was the song.
494 00:21:56 Chop...
495 00:21:57 Hai karate, Keane!
496 00:21:59 Maybe it was becausehe was just such an idiot.
497 00:22:03 But Timmy Keanelost his dang mind that day.
498 00:22:07 Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
499 00:22:10 - Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!- Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
500 00:22:12 - Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!- Go, Keane, go! Taekwondo!
501 00:22:24 Does anybody want some Tang?
502 00:22:26 I just made a batch.
503 00:22:27 A marble stuck in a nostril...
504 00:22:30 shattering Mom's antique vase.
505 00:22:32 Picnics in the fricking parkcompared to this.
506 00:22:35 For there, lying under the weight
507 00:22:37 of a smashed42-inch television set...
508 00:22:40 was a dead dog.
509 00:22:42 What?
510 00:22:43 The dog dies?
511 00:22:45 There's a dead dog in this story?
512 00:22:47 Hey, what can I tell ya?It was the '80s.
513 00:22:50 Stuff got real.
514 00:22:51 I thought you saidyou were super safe in the '80s?
515 00:22:54 It was a complicated decade.
516 00:22:55 Are you making all this up?
517 00:22:57 No. No. No way.
518 00:22:59 Okay, well...
519 00:23:01 what happened next in the basement?
520 00:23:03 I mean, I don't really care. But...
521 00:23:08 What did you do?
522 00:23:09 We did what any rational,thoughtful, responsible kids
523 00:23:13 would've done in our position.
524 00:23:15 Run!
525 00:23:19 Why is everyone running?
526 00:23:20 Go!
527 00:23:23 - What's happening?- We gotta get outta here!
528 00:23:25 What's going on? What's going on?
529 00:23:28 The sound of all thosebones breaking...
530 00:23:29 What do you mean, "bones"?
531 00:23:31 It's game over at Keane's!Just go! Go...
532 00:23:36 Oh, my God!
533 00:23:39 It was the end-o of Nintendoat Keane's as we knew it.
534 00:23:43 So many thoughtsraced through my head.
535 00:23:44 Would I be arrested?Would I go to jail?
536 00:23:47 Or worse, would I everplay Nintendo again?
537 00:23:57 It's gonna be snow...
538 00:24:00 - Snow!- Perfect for Christmas time.
539 00:24:01 We havea northwest clipper coming off
540 00:24:03 - of the south side of Lake Michigan.- Yes!
541 00:24:05 God bless it.
542 00:24:07 And at Christmas timethat's just perfect.
543 00:24:11 Can't read Jenny Jablecki'shandwriting on this, Mom.
544 00:24:14 If there is a heart over the "I"
545 00:24:16 mark it wrong and move on.
546 00:24:19 Are we gonna have a snow day today?
547 00:24:20 I don't want anyone heregetting their hopes up.
548 00:24:23 It's probably not gonna happen.
549 00:24:25 I don't want anyonegetting upset, okay?
550 00:24:27 In the history of Batavia, Illinois
551 00:24:30 there had never been a snow day.
552 00:24:32 Not a single one.
553 00:24:33 It could be 20 belowwith a Soviet attack on the way
554 00:24:37 - and we'd still have school.- We just got this in.
555 00:24:38 In Kane County,the school closures are as follows...
556 00:24:41 - Come on!- Geneva
557 00:24:43 - Come on!- Elburn...
558 00:24:44 - Come on!- South Elgin
559 00:24:45 North Aurora, and... that's it.
560 00:24:49 - Stupid!- Oh, no!
561 00:24:50 Mother Mary of God!
562 00:24:54 I told you guysnot to get your hopes up.
563 00:24:57 You okay, Mom?
564 00:24:58 All right. You have to eat something.
565 00:25:00 - Here.- This is frozen.
566 00:25:02 Yes, put it under your armpitsfor two minutes, it'll thaw out.
567 00:25:05 Guys, coats, gloves.What are we doing?
568 00:25:06 Jake, don't forget your boots.
569 00:25:08 Yeah. Don't forget your boots, Jake.
570 00:25:14 My mother in a multi-tasking, cold,coupon-induced bout of madness
571 00:25:18 had accidentallybought me girl's boots.
572 00:25:30 Back then,they were a death sentence.
573 00:25:33 I should note,they were also flowered and French.
574 00:25:36 What do you mean, "girl's boots"?
575 00:25:38 Like they only fit girl's feet?
576 00:25:40 No, they were just purple.
577 00:25:43 So?
578 00:25:45 Back then, people weremore close-minded about fashion.
579 00:25:48 And everything else.
580 00:25:51 Ooh, pretty.
581 00:25:53 Did you know that Espritis French for "cool"?
582 00:25:56 - Really?- No.
583 00:25:58 Just go ahead, I'll catch up.
584 00:25:59 What if someone kidnaps me?
585 00:26:01 They'll return youin, like, five minutes.
586 00:26:03 You shouldn't be doing that.
587 00:26:04 Wait a second and shut up.
588 00:26:06 You said a swear.
589 00:26:08 I got a lot on my mind, Lizzy.
590 00:26:09 I got a lot on my mind too.
591 00:26:12 Come on. Let's go.
592 00:26:14 Let's go.
593 00:26:26 It's called the Dewey Decimal System.
594 00:26:30 Right. This is a life skill, people,like cursive.
595 00:26:34 When you're an adult, and you wannalook something up really quickly
596 00:26:38 you're gonna be very happythat you learned this today. Okay.
597 00:26:41 All you're gonna have to dois go to the library.
598 00:26:44 Get your coats and boots on,head on over...
599 00:26:46 We talked to Keane.The dog's not dead.
600 00:26:48 The dog's not dead?
601 00:26:49 No, it just broke three legsand a few ribs. It's on life support.
602 00:26:52 It's gonna makea full recovery though. Right?
603 00:26:55 I wouldn't count on it.
604 00:26:56 That TV landed on herlike a house on a witch.
605 00:26:59 But eventuallyit'll be like nothing happened.
606 00:27:02 Physically, maybe. But mentally,she'll never be the same.
607 00:27:06 You're luckyyou didn't see it, Olsen.
608 00:27:08 You would have thrown up.
609 00:27:09 I only throw up from SpaghettiOs.It's a medical condition.
610 00:27:11 He's really the Shackletonof the librarians.
611 00:27:14 And I'm not the only onewho thinks that, by the way.
612 00:27:16 Wait, so does this meanNintendo's back on?
613 00:27:18 - It gets a little more specific.- No.
614 00:27:20 Keane's dad took it away.It's really over.
615 00:27:23 Did you guys hear?
616 00:27:24 The Loyal Ranger Scoutsare giving out a Nintendo this year.
617 00:27:27 Whoever sells the most wreaths inthe wreath-selling contest gets one.
618 00:27:31 - No way.- Yes, way. A sixth-grader told me.
619 00:27:34 The same sixth-graderwho told you that there were tryouts
620 00:27:36 for the A-Team? Yeah, right.
621 00:27:38 Nope. That was a lie.This one's real.
622 00:27:41 We're gonna needsome solid proof, Farmer.
623 00:27:43 Jake Doyle.
624 00:27:46 Do you have something that you'd liketo share with the rest of the class?
625 00:27:48 No.
626 00:27:49 Don't think I haven'tbeen watching you, Jake.
627 00:27:51 You're the only one in herewith wet shoes.
628 00:27:53 Now, you know the rules.No boots, no recess.
629 00:27:55 But...
630 00:27:56 I expect to see youin boots at recess
631 00:27:58 or your name goes on the board...
632 00:28:00 with a check.
633 00:28:01 So what's it going to be, Mr. Doyle?
634 00:28:04 Boots...
635 00:28:06 or a check?
636 00:28:08 Go...
637 00:28:13 - Catch it. Get out there. Catch it.- No.
638 00:28:16 It changes colors when I lick it.
639 00:28:19 Connor Stump
640 00:28:20 was by farthe weirdest kid in school.
641 00:28:23 He always carried around a recorder
642 00:28:25 and his lunchwas almost exclusively tuna.
643 00:28:27 You ever put socks and shoeson your hands and just crawl around?
644 00:28:33 It's just me, Connor.I'm not really a lion.
645 00:28:36 - Jake, come on, you're on our team.- Let's go. Line up.
646 00:28:38 Just play without me.
647 00:28:40 What're you doing back there?
648 00:28:42 Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again?
649 00:28:44 Is it all furry and frozen?
650 00:28:47 Dude.
651 00:28:48 You're wearingKatie Sorrentino's boots.
652 00:28:50 They're mine.
653 00:28:51 Your mom use a coupon again?
654 00:28:53 Let's go, Trotter, you baby.
655 00:28:55 Yeah, we gotta get you outta here.
656 00:28:56 If Jagorski sees you, he'll kill you.
657 00:29:00 Hey. What're you...
658 00:29:01 You're wearingKatie Sorrentino's boots.
659 00:29:03 They're mine.
660 00:29:05 That's it! I'm coming over there.
661 00:29:07 No, no! What do I do? What do I do?
662 00:29:09 Does anybody have some candyor a nudie magazine or something?
663 00:29:13 I call dibs if there'sa dead squirrel back there again.
664 00:29:19 I think we got ourselvesa pair of girl's boots here.
665 00:29:24 Painfully, my mind flipped through
666 00:29:26 the Rolodex of punishmentI was about to endure.
667 00:29:29 Weeks of wedgies,swirlies, dead legs.
668 00:29:32 I wanted to punch a kid's faceuntil it turned into Kool-Aid so bad
669 00:29:37 and I didn't get the chance...until now.
670 00:29:40 - What's up, dork?- Hi!
671 00:29:42 How's Four Eyes?
672 00:29:44 But then, I heard
673 00:29:45 - the voice of an angel.- Guys, I got proof!
674 00:29:47 Guys! Guys!
675 00:29:49 It says it right here!It really is a Nintendo!
676 00:29:53 It's just a picture of a dumb wreath.
677 00:29:56 You gotta read it.
678 00:29:57 This year's first prizeis a brand-new
679 00:29:59 Nintendo Entertainment System.
680 00:30:13 I'm gonna kill you.
681 00:30:17 Less than 30 minutesafter the final school bell
682 00:30:20 I was fitted in my dress greensand on my way...
683 00:30:23 envisioning the acresof Alaskan pine forest
684 00:30:25 needed to cover the amount of wreathsI was about to sell.
685 00:30:28 And I had my sales pitchall planned out.
686 00:30:34 "I'm with the Loyal Ranger Scouts,ma'am, and without your help
687 00:30:37 thousands of boys may becomedrug addicts and communists."
688 00:30:40 - What?- What?
689 00:30:41 What? What do you want?
690 00:30:43 Hi. My name is...
691 00:30:45 Wait. You're not tryingto sell me something, are you?
692 00:30:49 Wanna buy a wreath?
693 00:30:53 What, do you gota learning disability or something?
694 00:30:56 Wait, you don't really gota learning disability, do you?
695 00:31:00 Good. Ma, this kid thinksyour wreath sucks!
696 00:31:09 Hey, Doyle. Gotta look outfor those "no solicitor" signs.
697 00:31:14 What're you doing here, Farmer?
698 00:31:16 Ruining your life.
699 00:31:17 You can't sell wreaths here.
700 00:31:19 You thinkthere are rules here, Doyle?
701 00:31:21 There are no rules.
702 00:31:22 That Nintendo's mine.
703 00:31:23 - I've already sold 67 wreaths.- To who?
704 00:31:27 People. Your mom.
705 00:31:29 You're full of it, Farmer.
706 00:31:32 Hello, young lady.I was hoping your mother was home.
707 00:31:34 I need to speak to an adultin the house.
708 00:31:37 And did I mentionhow much I like your sweater?
709 00:31:40 All over town, the boys in greenpounded the pavements
710 00:31:43 in record numbers,all in the name of Nintendo.
711 00:31:46 A swarm of snot-nosed Gordon Gekkoshad been born.
712 00:31:51 Merry Christmas, ma'am.Would you like to buy a wreath?
713 00:31:55 Hello, ma'am. 'Tis the season.
714 00:31:57 Merry Christmas, sir. Do you thinkDie Hard is a Christmas movie?
715 00:32:01 Look at that,it's already wreath-thirty?
716 00:32:06 "Douglas fir Christmas wreaths."Just say it!
717 00:32:09 Why don't you just say it?
718 00:32:11 'Cause I'm notin stupid Ranger Scouts
719 00:32:13 'cause I'm not a stupid boy.
720 00:32:14 And it was every kid for themselves.
721 00:32:19 Kids who weren't evenin Ranger Scouts
722 00:32:21 were getting in on the action.
723 00:32:23 I will not take no for an answer!
724 00:32:24 That is the first ruleof salesmanship! The first rule!
725 00:32:29 Even I was getting the hang of it.
726 00:32:33 Oh, are you here to shovel my walk?
727 00:32:36 No, I'm hereto sell Christmas wreaths.
728 00:32:38 Okay. Let me see.
729 00:32:41 My wallet's in my car.
730 00:32:43 You want me to...
731 00:32:44 Shovel my car out, so I canget to it. That would be great.
732 00:32:47 Oh, I'll get the shovel.
733 00:33:03 The Tevatron particle acceleratorat Fermilabs
734 00:33:06 they get more headlines.
735 00:33:07 But if you ask me
736 00:33:08 the most valuable local resourcewe still have today
737 00:33:11 are our teachers.
738 00:33:12 Merry Christmas, Mrs. Doyle.
739 00:33:14 Merry Christmas, Jeff.
740 00:33:16 Stay beautiful, Kath.
741 00:33:20 She said I reminded her of you.
742 00:33:23 See you later, Jake.
743 00:33:27 Did it have to be Farmer?
744 00:33:29 He offered me an honest dealat an honest price.
745 00:33:31 There's nothing honest about him!
746 00:33:33 He's a pathological liar!
747 00:33:35 Oh, I thought he wasa really nice boy.
748 00:33:39 Those are for your mother.
749 00:33:41 My mom would want me to have one.
750 00:33:43 I didn't even know thatyou were selling wreaths this year.
751 00:33:47 He only cares about it nowbecause they're giving away a Nin...
752 00:33:51 Night in Chicago.
753 00:33:52 Yep. That's a new prize.
754 00:33:54 At a hotel, I think, in downtown?
755 00:33:58 That's a peculiar prizefor an 11-year-old.
756 00:34:00 That is a peculiar prize.
757 00:34:02 Don't you think that's peculiar, Dad?
758 00:34:05 God bless it. Where the hell is it?
759 00:34:06 The Phillips headis in the butter dish.
760 00:34:10 No, that's not it.
761 00:34:11 You know what, Jake?If you wanna win that prize
762 00:34:13 you have to do what I tell my kidsin class every day.
763 00:34:16 Make like a vacuum cleaner.
764 00:34:17 Suck it up and do the work.
765 00:34:20 What are you looking for?
766 00:34:22 My gourmet sausage.
767 00:34:24 How the hell do you lose a sausage?
768 00:34:26 Dinner is served.
769 00:34:29 I wanted to eat it with dinner.
770 00:34:31 We're having salads.
771 00:34:32 That's why I wantedto eat the sausage.
772 00:34:35 Well, maybe Elwood ate it, Dad.
773 00:34:37 'Cause, I mean,he's been pooping so much lately.
774 00:34:40 He has, hasn't he?
775 00:34:41 You know how I know that?
776 00:34:42 Because it stillhasn't been picked up.
777 00:34:46 It snowed.
778 00:34:47 Hey, that's no excuse, okay?
779 00:34:49 Tomorrow morning, you,that shovel, backyard.
780 00:34:53 No, I'm totally supposed tosell wreaths all day tomorrow.
781 00:34:56 Well, too bad.And stop saying "totally."
782 00:34:58 It's not fair.
783 00:34:59 Hey, if life was fair
784 00:35:01 it would be... a fair.
785 00:35:04 Okay? But I don't...
786 00:35:06 I don't see any carnival ridesaround here, do you?
787 00:35:12 You just made that up, didn't you?
788 00:35:13 No, I didn't.
789 00:35:16 It's an old saying.
790 00:35:18 Listen!
791 00:35:20 In the name of the Father,and of the Son
792 00:35:23 and of the Holy Spirit
793 00:35:26 from thou thy bounty,to Jesus Christ's name
794 00:35:29 - he is great.- Amen.
795 00:35:32 I was convinced Elwood had poopedmore times than any other dog
796 00:35:36 in the history of the world.
797 00:35:38 Our yard looked like a vanilla cake
798 00:35:40 that someone dumped an entire bagof chocolate chips onto.
799 00:35:45 What's Lizzy doing? She can't help?
800 00:35:49 You wanted the dog,you pick up after it.
801 00:35:52 You got the dog before I was born.
802 00:35:54 Who wanted the dogis irrelevant, Jake.
803 00:35:56 Just pick up the dang poop.
804 00:35:59 Come here.
805 00:36:02 Come here.
806 00:36:05 All right. Take a deep breath.
807 00:36:09 Go ahead.
808 00:36:12 You smell that?
809 00:36:14 - Poo?- No!
810 00:36:15 Fresh air!
811 00:36:18 That's all we had, and we loved it.
812 00:36:20 When I was your age,we didn't have Nintendos.
813 00:36:22 You know what we did?
814 00:36:24 Built forts in the woods.
815 00:36:26 We'd gather up old lumber and siding
816 00:36:28 and whatever we could find,we'd build, like
817 00:36:31 watchtowers and rope ladders...
818 00:36:33 Trapdoors?
819 00:36:34 Yeah, yeah.Yeah, we built trapdoors, too.
820 00:36:37 - Cool.- Yeah, it was cool.
821 00:36:40 Yeah, we'd work on itall year round, too.
822 00:36:42 Kinda like the house?
823 00:36:45 Yeah. Kinda like the house.
824 00:36:49 Yeah.
825 00:36:52 Cry in a bucket,that dog poops a lot.
826 00:36:55 Yeah.
827 00:36:56 Hey.
828 00:36:59 Don't worry about behind the shed.
829 00:37:00 Just get the onesaround the house, okay?
830 00:37:03 And then when you're done...
831 00:37:06 you can varnishthese old hockey sticks.
832 00:37:08 Why?
833 00:37:09 Because they need to get done,that's why.
834 00:37:11 Come on, Dad.
835 00:37:12 You think I like paying taxesand talking to our neighbors?
836 00:37:15 No. But you gotta do it.
837 00:37:17 I don't like doing that stuff!
838 00:37:22 Careful with the varnish.
839 00:37:27 "Careful with the varnish."What am I gonna do? Drink it?
840 00:37:30 I know how to be careful.
841 00:37:40 We need to talk.
842 00:37:41 What are you doing in my room?
843 00:37:43 I need...
844 00:37:45 Did Elwood diarrhea on you?
845 00:37:47 It's varnish. What do you want?
846 00:37:49 I need your help.
847 00:37:50 With what?
848 00:37:51 Getting a Cabbage Patch Kid.
849 00:37:53 Santa didn't get me a She-Ralast year, so I can't trust him.
850 00:37:56 I gotta go through Mom and Dad.
851 00:37:58 So what do you need me for?
852 00:37:59 I need you to drop hintsfor them to get me one.
853 00:38:02 No way. Why would I wanna help you?
854 00:38:05 Now, I want a redhead namedAbrona Fiona with freckles and a...
855 00:38:08 Why do you want a dumb doll so bad?
856 00:38:09 Because I've always wanted a sister.Stop interrupting me.
857 00:38:13 It looks bad if I'm talking about itall the time to Mom and Dad.
858 00:38:16 We need a subtle attack,and we gotta act fast.
859 00:38:19 What are you gonna do for me?
860 00:38:21 Tell you how to win a Nintendo.
861 00:38:23 You don't know how to win a Nintendo.
862 00:38:25 Okay, never mind.
863 00:38:29 Wait.
864 00:38:31 How can I win it?
865 00:38:33 You promise to help meget a Cabbage Patch Kid?
866 00:38:36 Yeah, sure.
867 00:38:38 Promise?
868 00:38:39 Yes, I promise already.
869 00:38:40 Okay. You sold two wreathsto Miss Sherman yesterday, right?
870 00:38:45 How do you know that?
871 00:38:47 Don't worry about it.
872 00:38:48 She bought a lotbecause she's old, right?
873 00:38:50 Old people buy stuff from kids.
874 00:38:53 So what you need are a bunchof old people all in one place
875 00:38:56 so you don't have to trackthem all down.
876 00:38:58 What's your point?
877 00:38:59 Prairie Pines, the nursing home.
878 00:39:02 200 old people,each with their own door
879 00:39:05 perfect for wreath-hanging.
880 00:39:11 That's...
881 00:39:13 That's a really good idea.
882 00:39:14 I know. So we got a deal or what?
883 00:39:17 Yeah.
884 00:39:18 A redhead with freckles.Don't mess it up.
885 00:39:22 I'll be watching you.
886 00:39:26 Prairie Pines nursing home
887 00:39:27 didn't knowwhat was about to hit them.
888 00:39:31 "Suck it up. Do the work."
889 00:39:37 Hi, everybody.
890 00:39:41 - Hi.- Do you like blues?
891 00:39:43 Hi! You look just like my grandson.
892 00:39:45 Oh, let me see those cheeks.
893 00:39:48 But it turned out, I didn't knowwhat was about to hit me.
894 00:39:51 Because the World's Fair was here
895 00:39:53 and we were celebratingthe city's centennial.
896 00:39:56 You see, Chicago was founded in 1833.
897 00:40:01 That makes it 100 years to 1933.
898 00:40:08 Hold on.
899 00:40:30 It's what he would've wanted.
900 00:40:43 It took six hoursand ten cups of pudding
901 00:40:46 but I managed to sell a whopping47 wreaths to the nursing home.
902 00:40:50 All thanks to Lizzy.
903 00:40:52 Hey, Mom.
904 00:40:54 Did you know that this mallhas the largest selection
905 00:40:57 of Cabbage Patch Kidsin all of Chicago?
906 00:41:00 I didn't know that, no.
907 00:41:02 Which is good, 'cause they're reallyflying off the shelves.
908 00:41:09 He doesn't wanta Cabbage Patch Kid now, does he?
909 00:41:12 - No idea.- Odd. But who knows with these two?
910 00:41:14 Hey! What're you doing?
911 00:41:16 Yeah, Wisconsin plates. Shocker.
912 00:41:18 Look at him... look at him.
913 00:41:20 Okay. All right, John...
914 00:41:21 He's jerking the wheellike he's milking a cow.
915 00:41:24 Ah, yes. The annual Doyle Chicagoshopping trip.
916 00:41:29 Also known as my dad's least favorite
917 00:41:30 and most expensive day of the year.
918 00:41:32 You know what I love when you wear?
919 00:41:33 - What?- Turtlenecks.
920 00:41:36 It's gonna be so cold in Minnesotawhen we get to my parents' house
921 00:41:39 I feel like we shoulddefinitely try on a few today.
922 00:41:41 Yeah, well, turtlenecks,your parents, it's great.
923 00:41:44 So, yes?
924 00:41:45 Look at this idiot.
925 00:41:46 What're you doing?
926 00:41:48 Hey! You beeping at me?
927 00:41:51 Yeah, I got a horn, too, Miles.
928 00:41:53 Miles Davis, ladies and gentlemen.
929 00:41:54 Sorry.
930 00:41:56 Can we turn on the Christmas carols?
931 00:41:58 No! No Christmas carols.
932 00:42:00 Steely Dan. Listen to this.This is good stuff.
933 00:42:06 Year-round.
934 00:42:10 We wish you a Merry Christmas
935 00:42:12 We wish you a Merry Christmas
936 00:42:14 We wish you a Merry Christmas
937 00:42:16 - And a happy New Year- Elves!
938 00:42:17 - Hey. Creep me out.- Breathe, John. You have to breathe.
939 00:42:20 No, it's like a grown man actingthat chipper, it's not natural.
940 00:42:23 - And a happy New...- Back off, Jack!
941 00:42:26 Sorry.
942 00:42:27 - Have some self-respect. Jesus.- You have to calm down.
943 00:42:30 Why are we walking so fast?
944 00:42:32 Everybody, no bathroom breaks, okay?
945 00:42:34 You had your chance at home.Do not test me.
946 00:42:36 God, why is it so hot in here?
947 00:42:38 We're not stoppingfor Santa yet, guys, okay?
948 00:42:40 Hey, is there a barat the food court?
949 00:42:43 John, it's barely noon.
950 00:42:47 Okay, we got Barb her candles,we got the two-for-one turtlenecks...
951 00:42:52 Mom, look!There's the Cabbage Patch store.
952 00:42:54 - Can we go, Mom?- Yes, honey, go on.
953 00:42:56 Lead the way.
954 00:42:58 Hey, Mom. Did you know
955 00:42:59 that Cabbage Patch Kids comewith their own birth certificates?
956 00:43:03 Thought all you cared aboutwas selling wreaths.
957 00:43:05 Since when are youso interested in Cabbage Patch Kids?
958 00:43:07 Lizzy really wants one.
959 00:43:09 Well, they're very expensive,honey, and they're very hard to find.
960 00:43:26 Sold out in 20 minutes.
961 00:43:28 Last Patch in all of Chicago.
962 00:43:31 You should've seen it. It was ugly.
963 00:43:34 One woman punched a grandmaright in the throat.
964 00:43:37 Same family, too.
965 00:43:39 Oh, Lizzy. Hey, it's okay.
966 00:43:43 You know, I saw somereally nice Care Bears on the way in.
967 00:43:46 Care Bears are for babies.
968 00:43:49 Poor little Lizzy.
969 00:43:51 It kinda made you wannago over there and wipe her tears
970 00:43:54 and give her a big...
971 00:43:55 Hold on a second.
972 00:43:58 Hello, Jake.
973 00:44:00 Who said that?
974 00:44:02 You know who.
975 00:44:03 Nintendo?
976 00:44:04 That's right. Come over here.
977 00:44:06 I've missed you, Jake.
978 00:44:08 Hey, Jake.Your dad and I are gonna go upstairs
979 00:44:11 to get the Fenelons a gift.
980 00:44:12 Why? They haven't given us anything.
981 00:44:15 Stay down here with the toysand watch your sister, okay?
982 00:44:19 Jake.
983 00:44:21 Jake.
984 00:44:23 Watch your sister.
985 00:44:25 Yeah.
986 00:44:26 That's it. Come over here, Jake.
987 00:44:29 You know you want to.
988 00:44:31 What am I gonna do aboutmy Cabbage Patch Kid now, Jake?
989 00:44:34 Forget your sister, Jake.She's useless.
990 00:44:36 You should be worriedabout the wreaths.
991 00:44:38 Have you sold enough wreaths?
992 00:44:40 I'll do anything to be with you.
993 00:44:42 Who're you talking to?We need a new plan.
994 00:44:45 Jake? Jake?
995 00:44:48 Do you knowhow many games I have here, Jake?
996 00:44:50 I have all the games.Way more than Timmy Keane.
997 00:44:55 What game would you like to play?
998 00:44:57 Joust.
999 00:44:58 Pick another one.I don't have that one.
1000 00:45:00 Super Mario Bros.
1001 00:45:01 - Pick another one.- Defender.
1002 00:45:04 How about Rampage?
1003 00:45:06 It's loaded up right now.
1004 00:45:07 Cool. I'll do anything you say.
1005 00:45:20 Very good. Yes.
1006 00:45:22 You're such a good boy, Jake.
1007 00:45:24 I can tell, you've got what it takes.
1008 00:45:26 You really think so?
1009 00:45:27 No. I know so.
1010 00:45:32 Maybe it wasthe excitement of the display
1011 00:45:34 or just the thrillof playing in public
1012 00:45:36 but for some reason, I startedplaying the game of my life.
1013 00:45:40 Dude, you're on fire.
1014 00:45:42 All other distractionsbecame irrelevant.
1015 00:45:45 My senses had reached a higher state.
1016 00:45:47 I'd become one with Nintendo.
1017 00:45:54 Yeah!
1018 00:45:57 Yes, yes.You were born for this moment.
1019 00:46:03 Whoa! You're amazing!
1020 00:46:05 What's your name, man?
1021 00:46:07 Go ahead. Tell them your name, Jake.
1022 00:46:10 Say it.
1023 00:46:11 Jake Doyle!
1024 00:46:12 Jake Doyle. Nintendo master.
1025 00:46:15 - Jake...- Jake...
1026 00:46:19 Before I knew it,the entire mall was chanting my name.
1027 00:46:23 This was why I needed a Nintendo.
1028 00:46:25 This was my destiny.
1029 00:46:27 Nothing could stop me now.
1030 00:46:29 - Jake! Jake!- Jake...
1031 00:46:31 Jake Stephan Doyle!
1032 00:46:33 Where is your sister?
1033 00:46:37 What's wrong with you?
1034 00:46:39 - Lizzy!- Elizabeth!
1035 00:46:41 You're a dead man, bro.
1036 00:46:43 Lizzy!
1037 00:46:44 Lizzy! Lizzy!
1038 00:46:46 Lizzy!
1039 00:46:48 Forget about her, Jake. She's gone.
1040 00:46:50 Shut up, Nintendo!This is your fault!
1041 00:46:54 How do you get into homesthat don't have chimneys?
1042 00:46:57 The back door.
1043 00:46:58 What if it's an apartmentwith no back door?
1044 00:47:01 The front door.
1045 00:47:02 So you know how to pick locks?
1046 00:47:04 That's me.
1047 00:47:05 Do you know that's a felony?
1048 00:47:06 Mom! She's over here! I found her!
1049 00:47:09 God, Lizzy!
1050 00:47:12 Oh, my God!
1051 00:47:13 Mom, they might still haveCabbage Patch Kids at the North Pole.
1052 00:47:16 Even ones with red hair.
1053 00:47:17 Lizzy, we told you to stay with Jake.
1054 00:47:19 He was playing the Nintendo.
1055 00:47:21 God bless it, Jake!
1056 00:47:25 Are you okay?
1057 00:47:27 You start playing those games
1058 00:47:28 your brains turn to mushin, like, three minutes.
1059 00:47:32 That's your sister!
1060 00:47:33 It's not like losing your retainer!
1061 00:47:37 Hold on.
1062 00:47:38 Five bags here, John. Hold on.
1063 00:47:43 Open your mouth.
1064 00:47:47 Open your mouth.
1065 00:47:49 - John.- What?
1066 00:47:50 - Where's the Marshall Field's bag?- Hey!
1067 00:47:52 - Jake!- Your turtleneck's in it, John!
1068 00:47:54 Jake!
1069 00:47:55 The actual cost of my retainerhad been explained to me
1070 00:47:58 in the simple terms of, "If youlose it, don't bother coming home."
1071 00:48:03 Jake!
1072 00:48:05 Jake!
1073 00:48:06 - Hey!- Jake!
1074 00:48:07 Move! Jake!
1075 00:48:10 I figured it cost roughlyas much as a new car.
1076 00:48:12 Where is it?
1077 00:48:15 Jake!
1078 00:48:18 Jake!
1079 00:48:19 Jake!
1080 00:48:29 Jake! Ha!
1081 00:48:36 Six geese a-laying
1082 00:48:37 Five...
1083 00:48:39 Golden...
1084 00:48:40 No, wait! What...
1085 00:48:44 Of course! Packer fans.
1086 00:49:10 Oh, my God.
1087 00:49:14 Hey!
1088 00:49:17 Safe. Retainer retained.
1089 00:49:23 Okay.
1090 00:49:27 Okay.
1091 00:49:37 You let the girls get them!
1092 00:49:42 The best part of the shopping trip
1093 00:49:44 besides not losing my retaineror my sister
1094 00:49:46 was that it turns outthere's a secret part of the mall
1095 00:49:49 where old people sit by the piano.
1096 00:49:51 I sold 22 more wreaths that day.
1097 00:49:54 How many you got, Jake?
1098 00:49:56 Ninety-three.
1099 00:49:58 You're selling wreaths, too?
1100 00:50:00 What's a wreath?
1101 00:50:15 Enough with the dee-doos,for crying out loud
1102 00:50:18 I'm trying to listen to this.
1103 00:50:19 And stop fiddlingwith the hand plane.
1104 00:50:20 This is not a toy. See?
1105 00:50:22 It's sharp.
1106 00:50:27 Konroyd over to Larmer.Larmer circling.
1107 00:50:31 And has his pocket pickedby Shane Corson...
1108 00:50:33 You know,if you want, sometime, maybe I can...
1109 00:50:38 teach you how to use some of those.
1110 00:50:41 I kinda got a lot going on, Dad.
1111 00:50:44 Right.
1112 00:50:45 He dishes back to Larmer.Larmer down the near side
1113 00:50:48 over to Savard...
1114 00:50:49 He shoots! Oh, he scores!
1115 00:50:52 - Yes!- Denis Savard!
1116 00:50:54 - Hawks now leading with one!- Yeah, baby!
1117 00:50:57 And Claude Lemieuxis still jawing away.
1118 00:51:00 Quit your crying, Claude.
1119 00:51:02 Yeah, you're all talk, no walk.
1120 00:51:04 Remember that, Jake. Okay?
1121 00:51:05 A bully like Claude Lemieuxis not worth a hill of beans.
1122 00:51:09 He's all talk, no walk.
1123 00:51:11 Why are we under this bridge, Dad?
1124 00:51:13 Talk to a guy aboutthe Cabbage Patch Kids.
1125 00:51:16 You know what they look like, right?
1126 00:51:17 Why does Lizzy get to getwhat she wants
1127 00:51:19 but I can't get what I want?
1128 00:51:21 Do you wanna deal with your sisterif she doesn't get what she wants?
1129 00:51:24 - No.- Exactly.
1130 00:51:25 I don't negotiate with terrorists.
1131 00:51:28 So you just give them what they want?
1132 00:51:29 Yeah. You kidding?
1133 00:51:35 Okay. That's him.
1134 00:51:37 Let me do all the talking. Okay?
1135 00:51:39 This feels kinda scary, Dad.
1136 00:51:41 Here, I'll take the handsaw.
1137 00:51:43 Come on. Come on!
1138 00:51:51 Can I help you boys?
1139 00:51:52 Yeah.
1140 00:51:54 Word is that you've...
1141 00:51:57 come into a little cabbage?
1142 00:51:58 Officer, please.I'm just standing here.
1143 00:52:00 I thought maybe you twoneeded directions, so...
1144 00:52:02 Relax, I'm not a cop.
1145 00:52:04 What about 21 Jump Street over here?
1146 00:52:06 He's not a cop.
1147 00:52:07 Come on, man. He's 11.
1148 00:52:08 Yeah, I don't know that.
1149 00:52:10 I mean, cops are crazy.You ever see RoboCop?
1150 00:52:12 That dude's half cop and half robot.
1151 00:52:14 You ever see that movie?
1152 00:52:15 My mom wouldn't let me.
1153 00:52:17 But my friend, Mikey Trotter, saw it.
1154 00:52:19 Yeah. He's good. You're good.
1155 00:52:22 He's not a cop, all right?Now, come on.
1156 00:52:24 Are you gonna sell us a black-marketCabbage Patch Kid, or what?
1157 00:52:27 Step into my office.
1158 00:52:29 You boys need anything elsewhile you're here?
1159 00:52:31 Some Pound Puppies? Kidney?Nintendo?
1160 00:52:35 No, just the doll.
1161 00:52:36 We're gonna need a girl one.
1162 00:52:38 A redhead with freckles.
1163 00:52:41 Best Patch in the Tri-City.
1164 00:52:45 Yeah, that looks good.
1165 00:52:46 Yeah, does look good.
1166 00:52:47 So what, are you twohaving a father-son day? Yeah?
1167 00:52:50 Something like that? Yeah?
1168 00:52:51 Need a third?
1169 00:52:53 Nah, I'm kidding.
1170 00:52:54 I do miss my dad... A lot.
1171 00:52:56 Hey, this redheaddoesn't have any freckles.
1172 00:52:59 Yeah, no,the blonde one's got freckles.
1173 00:53:02 - All right, how much?- $100.
1174 00:53:03 One hundred? No.
1175 00:53:05 Yeah, where else you gonna go?
1176 00:53:07 Every store from Wheatonto Winnetka's out.
1177 00:53:09 60 bucks.
1178 00:53:10 I got the name of two brothers upin Villa Park selling them for $50.
1179 00:53:14 You know what?We can go up there right now.
1180 00:53:15 Yeah, yeah. The Diaz brothers. No...
1181 00:53:18 You do not wantany of their bald-headed junk.
1182 00:53:20 $70. Last offer.
1183 00:53:24 Oh, I can't say no to that face.
1184 00:53:26 All right. $70.
1185 00:53:30 Comes with a birth certificate.
1186 00:53:31 - Dad, that's...- Signed right on the derriere.
1187 00:53:34 Thanks.
1188 00:53:39 Can we ask about the Nintendo?
1189 00:53:41 I got him down from $100.Can you believe that?
1190 00:53:44 Lizzy's gonna love it.
1191 00:53:45 Did it bother me that my dad went to
1192 00:53:47 Herculean lengthsto get my sister a present?
1193 00:53:49 Sorta.
1194 00:53:50 But I was gonna get one on my own.
1195 00:53:53 Gentlemen.
1196 00:53:55 Look deeply into your candle's flame.Stare at its dancing light.
1197 00:54:02 Now, close your eyes.
1198 00:54:06 What do you see?
1199 00:54:09 You see the flame, gentlemen.
1200 00:54:12 It burns even whenyour eyes are closed
1201 00:54:14 because we know that even whenwe blow these candles out...
1202 00:54:18 the Loyal Ranger Scout flamewill never fade.
1203 00:54:30 Okay.
1204 00:54:31 But I thought Loyal Ranger Scoutswere for boys.
1205 00:54:33 And scouts are supposedto have honor, yet you're still here.
1206 00:54:36 Lots to get through tonight, gents.
1207 00:54:37 We've got the Pinewood Derby,the Loyalty Day parade...
1208 00:54:41 I got another 'Nam poem for youentitled A Tie is Not a Loss.
1209 00:54:45 Get to the wreaths, Halberg!
1210 00:54:47 - I'm sorry?- The door necklaces.
1211 00:54:50 Are you even in this troop?
1212 00:54:51 - Wreaths...- Wreaths...
1213 00:54:56 - Wreaths...- Wreaths...
1214 00:55:00 Okay. Okay! We'll do the wreaths!
1215 00:55:05 Okay. Calm down.
1216 00:55:06 Now...
1217 00:55:08 I know you've all been sellingvery hard this year
1218 00:55:10 so we've done our bestto make sure that these prizes...
1219 00:55:13 are special.
1220 00:55:17 Oh-ho! Look at that!
1221 00:55:19 First prize looked even biggerthan a normal NES system.
1222 00:55:22 Who knew what otherNintendo treasures were under there?
1223 00:55:26 Told you it came witha free Power Pad.
1224 00:55:29 Okay.
1225 00:55:31 In third place...
1226 00:55:36 Jeffery Farmer!
1227 00:55:38 Nobody cares about third place.
1228 00:55:41 Considering Farmer'sconstant claims to victory
1229 00:55:44 this was a delight to us all.
1230 00:55:46 Anybody had a chance now.
1231 00:55:51 Subscription to Boys' Life.
1232 00:55:53 Yes!
1233 00:55:54 I grew up on that magazine.
1234 00:55:56 Great articles.
1235 00:55:57 And in second place...
1236 00:56:00 an amazing showing...
1237 00:56:04 Teddy Hodges!
1238 00:56:06 No!
1239 00:56:07 Sadly, the combined totalsof the Hodges twins
1240 00:56:09 were only good enough for silver.
1241 00:56:14 It's a globe of the whole world!
1242 00:56:16 All of it!
1243 00:56:22 There was no second placewhen it came to Nintendo.
1244 00:56:27 And now...
1245 00:56:29 - This is it, this is it!- ...this year's first prize winner
1246 00:56:32 of the wreath-selling contest.
1247 00:56:35 The highest sales totalin troop history...
1248 00:56:42 Jake Doyle!
1249 00:56:50 I won!
1250 00:56:52 You can put it on the board! Yes!
1251 00:56:55 Oh, so many people to thank.
1252 00:56:57 My friends, my family,the Nintendo Corporation...
1253 00:57:00 Yes!
1254 00:57:01 This year's first prize...
1255 00:57:04 the best we've had in years...
1256 00:57:07 - Are you ready, Jake?- Yeah.
1257 00:57:11 A brand-new setof World Book encyclopedias!
1258 00:57:14 What?
1259 00:57:15 It was like winning more school.
1260 00:57:18 No!
1261 00:57:20 Where is it?
1262 00:57:24 - I hate you, Halberg!- God.
1263 00:57:29 It didn't make any sense. Why?
1264 00:57:31 Why had the troop leaders promisedus toys, and then give us books?
1265 00:57:35 Who could possibly bebehind something so terrible?
1266 00:57:38 So awful, so villainous?
1267 00:57:40 Dr. Timothy Keane Senior, that's who.
1268 00:57:44 Parents of Batavia, good evening.
1269 00:57:48 - Hi.- Little did we know
1270 00:57:49 the night beforethe wreath award ceremony
1271 00:57:51 Dr. Keane had assembled a meeting
1272 00:57:53 with the express purposeof ruining our lives.
1273 00:57:56 There was an incidentin my home recently.
1274 00:57:59 A member of the Keane family,Lacy Dog Keane...
1275 00:58:03 was crushed to near deathby our 42-inch television set.
1276 00:58:07 42-inch,that's a really nice television set.
1277 00:58:10 John.
1278 00:58:11 Now I certainly do not blamemy boy, Timmy
1279 00:58:15 who is a gifted, generous young man
1280 00:58:18 who has recently been diagnosedwith something called...
1281 00:58:22 "Attention Deficit..."
1282 00:58:24 Blah... Whatever.
1283 00:58:25 It's very serious...
1284 00:58:29 and it's extremely rare.
1285 00:58:31 So rare.
1286 00:58:34 I love you.
1287 00:58:36 Could I have the lights, please?
1288 00:58:40 Ladies and gentlemen
1289 00:58:42 the real culprit ofthis dog-crippling crime...
1290 00:58:45 is video games.
1291 00:58:47 Video games did this.
1292 00:58:51 And this.
1293 00:58:54 And this.
1294 00:58:57 And this.
1295 00:59:01 It's the same slide.
1296 00:59:04 I meant, and this.
1297 00:59:07 - Still same slide.- God damn it!
1298 00:59:11 Timmy dumped cheese in here again.
1299 00:59:13 You knowyou can't give him cheese, Janice.
1300 00:59:15 - You know this.- Pookie.
1301 00:59:20 And this.
1302 00:59:25 The question is,ladies and gentlemen...
1303 00:59:26 Is that a dog?
1304 00:59:27 ...what are we preparedto do about it?
1305 00:59:29 We should ban it!
1306 00:59:30 - Ban it!- Ban it! Ban it!
1307 00:59:32 No more dogs
1308 00:59:33 - are getting crushed in my town!- No more.
1309 00:59:35 - We must protect our dogs.- Yes.
1310 00:59:37 We must protect our community!
1311 00:59:39 Yes!
1312 00:59:40 It's modern technologytaking over our lives.
1313 00:59:43 It's only gonna get worse.It's all gonna go downhill from here!
1314 00:59:45 - That's right.- We've gotta stop it!
1315 00:59:47 We've gotta burn it all,burn it all to the ground.
1316 00:59:49 - Burn it.- Yeah.
1317 00:59:50 Video game over! Video game over!
1318 00:59:53 Let me hear you.Video game over! Louder.
1319 00:59:55 - Video game over!- Video game over!
1320 00:59:58 Let me hear you.
1321 00:59:59 Bring it down now. Video game over.
1322 01:00:01 Keane's panickedpropaganda continued on
1323 01:00:03 well into the night.
1324 01:00:04 It was a virtualvideo game Armageddon.
1325 01:00:07 - I can feel it! We're so close!- Video game over!
1326 01:00:09 - Video game over!- Video game over!
1327 01:00:11 And there was nothingwe could do about it.
1328 01:00:14 No rabbit.
1329 01:00:18 All those wreaths for nothing.
1330 01:00:22 Did you know that Australia'schief export is coal briquettes?
1331 01:00:27 We interrupt this programto bring you
1332 01:00:29 a special news bulletinfrom Kane County.
1333 01:00:31 Thank you, Walter.We're here live in Geneva
1334 01:00:33 with video game violenceactivist Dr. Timothy Keane.
1335 01:00:36 Dr. Keane, it's onlyeight shopping days now
1336 01:00:39 until Christmas,and you've managed to pass
1337 01:00:41 a county-wide banon selling video game systems.
1338 01:00:45 - Is that correct?- That is correct.
1339 01:00:46 Every store in Kane Countyhas agreed to it.
1340 01:00:48 And you really feel thatvideo games promote violence
1341 01:00:51 enough to make them illegal?
1342 01:00:53 Has your dog ever beencrushed to near death by your TV?
1343 01:00:56 No, she has not.
1344 01:00:57 It's not a pretty sight.Parents need to know the truth.
1345 01:01:00 These games are pure evil,and they have got to be stopped.
1346 01:01:04 - Video game over!- Video game over!
1347 01:01:09 He's a podiatrist.
1348 01:01:11 Sorry, Jake.
1349 01:01:12 Knock it off, Lizzy.
1350 01:01:13 No, I was being serious.I know how much you wanted one.
1351 01:01:18 I had it.
1352 01:01:20 It was mine.
1353 01:01:23 But now...
1354 01:01:25 I'll never get one.
1355 01:01:29 Here. You can have the remote.
1356 01:01:33 Thanks, Lizzy.
1357 01:01:40 She gave you the remote?
1358 01:01:42 I would never give Charliethe remote.
1359 01:01:46 You must've been a wreck.
1360 01:01:47 Duh. They banned Nintendo.
1361 01:01:50 So, if Batavia banned Nintendo
1362 01:01:53 and Grandma and Grandpawon't get you one...
1363 01:01:56 and you're doingall these bad things, all the time...
1364 01:01:58 - Not all the time.- Yes, all the time.
1365 01:02:01 You're doing all these things,and no one will get it for you
1366 01:02:03 then how did you get it?
1367 01:02:05 How did you get the Nintendo?
1368 01:02:06 Okay, calm down.
1369 01:02:09 Should we take a break?You wanna text Maeve...
1370 01:02:11 No!
1371 01:02:12 I wanna knowwhat happens in the story.
1372 01:02:17 You see, Annie...
1373 01:02:18 sometimes during Christmas...
1374 01:02:21 just when you think thatall hope is lost...
1375 01:02:25 something magical happens.
1376 01:02:28 Some people call ita Christmas miracle.
1377 01:02:32 Well, this miracle happenedat the roller rink.
1378 01:02:36 What's a roller rink?
1379 01:02:44 Six days until Christmasand it was officially official.
1380 01:02:48 None of us were getting a Nintendo.
1381 01:02:56 My cousin in Elmhurstmight get one still.
1382 01:02:58 That's in Cook County.
1383 01:03:00 DuPage County.
1384 01:03:01 - How do you know?- I got encyclopedias.
1385 01:03:03 Come on, guys.We still got each other.
1386 01:03:05 Watch out!
1387 01:03:08 - Sorry.- Objectively
1388 01:03:09 I know that's hilarious
1389 01:03:11 but I just don't have it in meto laugh right now.
1390 01:03:15 It was the Hodges' birthday party.
1391 01:03:18 The dreaded Christmas birthday.
1392 01:03:19 Not only did the twins haveto share a birthday between them
1393 01:03:22 they had to share itwith Christmas to boot.
1394 01:03:25 Happy Birthdayand Merry Christmas. Love, Grandma.
1395 01:03:29 What a rip-off.
1396 01:03:30 P.S. This giftis for you two to share.
1397 01:03:35 - Fresh packs. Who wants to open?- Me!
1398 01:03:40 - You got Chris Sabo.- Need it.
1399 01:03:42 Got it. Need it.
1400 01:03:44 You gonna eat your gum?
1401 01:03:51 I got a Ripken. Billy Ripken.
1402 01:03:54 Who cares about Billy Ripken?
1403 01:03:57 What?
1404 01:03:58 What? What is it?
1405 01:03:59 You guys are not gonna believe this.
1406 01:04:01 Look! Right there! On his bat!
1407 01:04:03 - Oh, my gosh!- A swear word.
1408 01:04:06 That's a bad one.
1409 01:04:07 - What does it say?- Don't read it out loud.
1410 01:04:09 I'm not allowed to hear swear words.
1411 01:04:11 Swear word dash face.
1412 01:04:13 Which swear word? A-face?
1413 01:04:16 S-face?
1414 01:04:18 Wait. F-face?
1415 01:04:20 Bingo.
1416 01:04:21 It's an error card.
1417 01:04:22 It's the greatest error cardof all time!
1418 01:04:25 Billy Ripken.
1419 01:04:29 95 bucks!
1420 01:04:32 $95? You're a millionaire!
1421 01:04:34 Yeah, couple more of those,and you can buy your own Nintendo.
1422 01:04:39 Guys...
1423 01:04:41 I got it.
1424 01:04:43 I don't get it.
1425 01:04:44 What do you mean, you don't get it?
1426 01:04:45 It's a very clear 15-point plan.
1427 01:04:47 - I think you spelled "covert" wrong.- Okay.
1428 01:04:50 The field trip is Mondayat 0900 hours to Chicago.
1429 01:04:53 So?
1430 01:04:55 So, they still sell Nintendos there.
1431 01:04:56 So?
1432 01:04:57 So, we sell some baseball cards,get some money
1433 01:05:01 we sneak out of the field tripand buy our own Nintendo.
1434 01:05:03 Oh, now I get it.But wait, how's that 15 steps?
1435 01:05:06 That's like... three.
1436 01:05:08 I don't know.We could get in trouble.
1437 01:05:10 I can't get in trouble now, Jake.It's almost Christmas.
1438 01:05:13 Forget Christmas.
1439 01:05:15 This is bigger than Christmas.
1440 01:05:18 This is our one and only chanceto get a Nintendo.
1441 01:05:23 One that we can play on our own.
1442 01:05:25 We don't have to worryabout taking our boots off
1443 01:05:28 or getting in line...
1444 01:05:29 or any of that stuff.
1445 01:05:31 We can totally do this!
1446 01:05:34 - This is our Vietnam.- Yeah.
1447 01:05:38 I don't think that meanswhat you think it means.
1448 01:05:41 I have no idea what it means.
1449 01:05:43 But who's with me?
1450 01:05:45 I'm in.
1451 01:05:50 Check, check. Over.
1452 01:05:52 Check, check. Over.
1453 01:05:54 - We're in.- We're in.
1454 01:06:12 I'm in.
1455 01:06:13 Nope.
1456 01:06:15 - Forget it.- What?
1457 01:06:16 Baseball cards, Farmer.
1458 01:06:17 Come on! What's a guy gotta do?
1459 01:06:20 Olsen?
1460 01:06:36 We're gonna get in so much trouble.
1461 01:06:41 - One, two, three, Nintendo!- One, two, three, Nintendo!
1462 01:06:51 Got it!
1463 01:06:52 Nice, Tammy.
1464 01:06:53 Safe and secure.
1465 01:06:55 Here we go!
1466 01:07:23 Oh, no! Not Jagorski.
1467 01:07:25 What's he gonna do?
1468 01:07:27 I'll give you a hint.
1469 01:07:29 Nothing good.
1470 01:07:30 It's my favorite field trip.Off to the Art Institute.
1471 01:07:33 - Duffle bag?- Check.
1472 01:07:35 - Blanket?- Check. In the bag.
1473 01:07:37 - Walkie-talkies?- Check.
1474 01:07:38 Camouflage, check.
1475 01:07:40 Not necessary, Farmer.But I like the spirit.
1476 01:07:42 Personally, I prefera woodland pattern
1477 01:07:44 you know, for urban combat.
1478 01:07:45 I agree.
1479 01:07:47 How are you feeling, Olsen?
1480 01:07:48 Not good.
1481 01:07:50 Perfect.
1482 01:07:54 Nice Trapper Keeper, Doyle.
1483 01:07:56 I heard it's goodfor money management.
1484 01:08:02 - That's ours!- Not anymore.
1485 01:08:04 You can't do that!
1486 01:08:06 Oh, yeah?And what are you gonna do about it?
1487 01:08:09 Yeah. That's what I thought.
1488 01:08:12 Your Nintendo's mine.
1489 01:08:16 What up, Miss Hugo?
1490 01:08:17 Oh, man. This is so bad.
1491 01:08:18 I don't think it could get any worse.
1492 01:08:20 Jake Doyle.
1493 01:08:22 Where do you think you're going?
1494 01:08:24 On the bus to the Art Institute?
1495 01:08:25 Not like that.
1496 01:08:27 No boots, no field trip.
1497 01:08:33 At first, I thought,"Maybe no one will notice."
1498 01:08:37 Hey, everybody!Jake Doyle's wearing girls' boots!
1499 01:08:46 They're so pretty.
1500 01:08:48 I have the same kind.
1501 01:08:50 Reoccurring nightmaresof Freddy Krueger and the '84 Cubs
1502 01:08:53 quickly fell to the wayside.
1503 01:08:55 It was a bad dream come to life.
1504 01:08:57 Wow! Nice boots, Doyle.
1505 01:09:01 Hey, why don't you come backand have a seat?
1506 01:09:07 Hey, you wanna hearabout my ant farm?
1507 01:09:09 They're all dead.The uncles are still alive, though.
1508 01:09:17 The entire plan hung in the balance.
1509 01:09:19 And I was stuck next to a kideating erasers like Tic Tacs.
1510 01:09:23 Erasers are good. Do you want one?
1511 01:09:25 - No.- All right.
1512 01:09:33 When you're runnin' into firstThen you feel a juicy burst
1513 01:09:36 Diarrhea, diarrhea
1514 01:09:39 When you're sliding into thirdAnd you feel a juicy turd
1515 01:09:42 Diarrhea, diarrhea
1516 01:09:45 When you're sliding into homeAnd your pants are full of foam
1517 01:09:48 Diarrhea, diarrhea
1518 01:09:53 We're almost to the spot.
1519 01:09:54 Olsen's getting nervous.What do we do?
1520 01:09:56 I don't know.
1521 01:09:57 Just initiate phase oneand I'll think of something.
1522 01:09:59 Okay.
1523 01:10:05 What about the money?
1524 01:10:09 Mrs. Hugo.
1525 01:10:10 Evan, what are you doingout of your seat?
1526 01:10:12 I don't feel good.
1527 01:10:13 Okay, I... We're gonna be...
1528 01:10:14 Don't be scared of Jagorski,he's only big in size.
1529 01:10:17 Think of something happy.
1530 01:10:18 Tell me your favorite lettersof the alphabet.
1531 01:10:21 In order, mine are T, K, A, I, E...
1532 01:10:25 O, U, Q, X.
1533 01:10:29 Well, well, look at what we got here.
1534 01:10:33 We gotta getthe Nintendo now. I can...
1535 01:10:36 I'm not listening to you, Doyle.The money's mine.
1536 01:10:39 - We gotta go now, or...- Or else?
1537 01:10:42 Are you gonna make me?
1538 01:10:44 Go back and sitwith your dork girlfriend
1539 01:10:48 in your girl boots!
1540 01:10:51 Are you gonna cry now?
1541 01:10:57 And that's when it hit me.
1542 01:10:58 Connor Stump wasn't a weirdo.He was a rebel.
1543 01:11:02 He didn't care aboutbeing called names.
1544 01:11:04 He didn't care about bullies,so why should I?
1545 01:11:07 Nintendo or not
1546 01:11:08 Jagorski had beenKing of the Mountain for too long.
1547 01:11:11 "I'm wearing feminine footwear.
1548 01:11:14 Why did I bring it to school?
1549 01:11:16 My little mommyput flowers on my shoes!"
1550 01:11:19 You're all talk, no walk, Jagorski.You're not worth a hill of beans.
1551 01:11:24 Wha... What does that mean?
1552 01:11:26 It means you're justa sad little bully.
1553 01:11:29 And if you don't give me backmy Trapper Keeper right now
1554 01:11:31 the only one crying is gonna be you
1555 01:11:34 buttface!
1556 01:11:36 Now!
1557 01:11:38 Okay, okay.
1558 01:11:40 Okay.
1559 01:11:42 And my mom got me these boots.And I hate them, too!
1560 01:11:46 But I love my mom.
1561 01:11:55 - I know, I...- Sit down.
1562 01:11:57 Just tell me what it is.I mean, is it your stomach?
1563 01:12:00 Do you actually think thatmaybe you could have...
1564 01:12:07 Just sit down!Sit down, everybody, okay?
1565 01:12:10 Oh, my gosh! Are you okay?
1566 01:12:15 Get the alarm! Get the alarm!
1567 01:12:16 Walkies.
1568 01:12:19 Open the door!
1569 01:12:20 All right, go...
1570 01:12:25 Yippie-ki-yay, Doyle!
1571 01:12:27 Red Dog, this is Blue Bird.Approaching the mall. Over.
1572 01:12:29 Blue Bird, this is Rambo One.
1573 01:12:31 - What happened to Red Dog?- I changed it.
1574 01:12:33 We're allowed to change names now?
1575 01:12:35 Let's just start over.
1576 01:12:37 Rambo One, this isMillennium Falcon Super Cool.
1577 01:12:41 Love it!
1578 01:12:42 Approaching Michigan Avenue.
1579 01:12:47 - Careful there, kid. It's slippery.- Thanks.
1580 01:12:50 Sorry. Excuse me.
1581 01:12:53 Coming through. Sorry.
1582 01:12:56 Our testing had made it clear.
1583 01:12:58 Two cans of SpaghettiOsin Olsen's stomach
1584 01:13:00 equaled roughlynine minutes of vomit.
1585 01:13:02 That was our window to buy a Nintendo
1586 01:13:05 and make it back to the busbefore Olsen ran out of puke.
1587 01:13:11 Excuse me.
1588 01:13:14 As long as I didn't run intoany major obstacles
1589 01:13:16 I figured I'd be good to go...Oh, God!
1590 01:13:18 - Video game over!- Video game over!
1591 01:13:22 Are you kidding me?
1592 01:13:25 Rambo One, we have a problem.
1593 01:13:27 What's the problem,Millennium Super whatever?
1594 01:13:29 Your mom and Mrs. Keane are here.
1595 01:13:32 - What?- I repeat, your mom
1596 01:13:33 and Mrs. Keane are outside the store.
1597 01:13:34 I can't get past themwithout them seeing me.
1598 01:13:36 - Don't go in there.- Don't go in that store.
1599 01:13:38 Don't spend your money.Stay in school!
1600 01:13:40 Get your mom under control, Trotter!
1601 01:13:42 Darn it!
1602 01:13:44 Jake, what are we gonna do?
1603 01:13:45 I don't know.That's why I'm calling you.
1604 01:13:47 Abort! Abort!
1605 01:13:48 - No!- No.
1606 01:13:49 No abort. We just needto get them out of the way.
1607 01:13:55 Maybe we could pagethem over the intercom?
1608 01:13:58 Tell them they have a call.
1609 01:14:00 Guys, there's a payphoneacross the street.
1610 01:14:02 Yes! Okay. How's Olsen?Give me a puke check.
1611 01:14:07 Your poor little tummy...
1612 01:14:11 Okay, feeling bad for you.I'm feeling very bad.
1613 01:14:14 - Okay!- Could I get some help here?
1614 01:14:16 I knew I should'vekept dancing in Vegas. Knew it.
1615 01:14:20 He ate a whole bagof candy corn for breakfast.
1616 01:14:22 We should be good.
1617 01:14:23 We can make it to the payphone, Jake.
1618 01:14:24 But what do we say?
1619 01:14:25 I don't know. Something good.
1620 01:14:28 Something good like what?
1621 01:14:29 I don't know! Make something up.
1622 01:14:32 Did someone say "make something up"?
1623 01:14:40 Paging Mrs. Trotter and Mrs. Keane
1624 01:14:43 please come tothe white courtesy phone.
1625 01:14:45 You have an emergency phone call.
1626 01:14:47 - I'm Mrs. Keane.- What's going on?
1627 01:14:48 Oh, my gosh! An emergency?
1628 01:14:50 Let's go.
1629 01:14:52 I hope it's not Timmy.
1630 01:14:53 He said something aboutstabbing our water bed this morning.
1631 01:14:55 It worked!
1632 01:14:57 Okay, I'm going in.Keep them on the phone.
1633 01:15:00 Copy that.
1634 01:15:02 Doing good.
1635 01:15:04 Oh, hey, here it is.
1636 01:15:09 - Hello?- Hello, Mrs. Trotter.
1637 01:15:10 - No.- I mean, Mrs. Keane. Right.
1638 01:15:13 - Who is this?- This is your nephew.
1639 01:15:15 I don't have a nephew.
1640 01:15:18 I know you don't have a nephew.That's exactly why I'm calling.
1641 01:15:22 I'm with the International Niecesand Nephews Collective.
1642 01:15:24 The International Niecesand Nephews Collective?
1643 01:15:26 - That's right.- What's that?
1644 01:15:28 Well, we're based in Canada.
1645 01:15:29 - Oh, you are, eh? Hi.- Canada.
1646 01:15:35 Four minutes, Super Falcon.You got this.
1647 01:15:38 - That doesn't make any sense.- Makes sense if you think about it.
1648 01:15:41 You don't have a nephew,you would like a nephew
1649 01:15:43 the Collective is here to help.
1650 01:15:45 - Can you make any sense of this?- Sure.
1651 01:15:46 - Hello?- Hello?
1652 01:15:47 I just wanted you to knowmaking prank calls is very wrong.
1653 01:15:50 Super Cool, come in.Farmer's losing them.
1654 01:15:52 You've gotta hurry.
1655 01:15:53 - Where's your sister, Jake?- Shut up, Nintendo.
1656 01:15:55 And it's also against the law.
1657 01:15:57 You wanna knowwhat else would be criminal?
1658 01:15:59 Letting your son goanother holiday season
1659 01:16:01 without experiencing the joysof sponsoring an adopted cousin.
1660 01:16:05 We're just tryingto spread joy to the world.
1661 01:16:08 That makes sense.
1662 01:16:09 - That's nice.- Yeah.
1663 01:16:10 She bought it. Someone believed me.
1664 01:16:13 I can hear you.
1665 01:16:15 Sorry, ma'am, but this isa matter of national security.
1666 01:16:18 All right. You're feeling better?Can we go back in the bus now?
1667 01:16:22 Yeah, he's dry heaving. You're good.
1668 01:16:26 Olsen is dry! Repeat!We are out of puke!
1669 01:16:29 - And I'm your nephew.- Okay. You know what?
1670 01:16:30 I think now you're startingto mock me and this is harassment.
1671 01:16:33 - Good bye.- Hello?
1672 01:16:34 Hello?
1673 01:16:35 Drat!
1674 01:16:41 I lost them...
1675 01:16:44 And Farmer is off the phone.
1676 01:16:45 Repeat. Farmer's off the phone.
1677 01:16:48 Look out for Keane and my mom.
1678 01:16:51 - I don't understand either.- Was it a survey?
1679 01:16:56 Excuse me.
1680 01:17:02 Oh, God.
1681 01:17:04 I got past them, I'm in the clear!
1682 01:17:06 The bus is moving, Jake.
1683 01:17:07 The stoplight is stillthe rendezvous. You're gonna make it.
1684 01:17:10 This was it. This was it.
1685 01:17:11 Victory was mine. I could taste it.
1686 01:17:15 Yes. Yes.
1687 01:17:17 No!
1688 01:17:28 No!
1689 01:17:43 That can't be good.
1690 01:17:48 Damn.
1691 01:17:51 So, you're not gonna getwhat you wanted for Christmas.
1692 01:17:55 Ain't gonna lie.That's a tough one, kid.
1693 01:17:59 You could give me the Nintendoyou have in your trunk.
1694 01:18:01 I said you're not gonna get whatyou wanted for Christmas this year.
1695 01:18:04 You know, one year, for Christmas,when I was a kid
1696 01:18:07 know what I wanted?I wanted a donkey.
1697 01:18:09 A donkey. Can you believe that?
1698 01:18:12 Yeah. Be kind of a weird thingto make up.
1699 01:18:15 Well, I did.
1700 01:18:17 All November, all December,that's all I could think about.
1701 01:18:20 All I could talk about.
1702 01:18:22 Donkey this, donkey that.How am I gonna get this donkey?
1703 01:18:26 And guess what happenedChristmas morning?
1704 01:18:28 - You got a donkey?- No.
1705 01:18:30 Who gets a donkey?
1706 01:18:32 No. I...
1707 01:18:33 No. I realized that I spentthe whole Christmas season
1708 01:18:37 worrying about something I wanted
1709 01:18:39 and I stopped appreciatingwhat I already had.
1710 01:18:43 Was it like a hamsteror dog or something?
1711 01:18:45 No, my family. My life.
1712 01:18:48 You know, you only getso many Christmases, kid.
1713 01:18:51 You gotta make them count.
1714 01:18:53 Hey, I bet you haven'teven told somebody
1715 01:18:55 "Merry Christmas" this year,have you?
1716 01:19:01 All right, come on, get up.I'll get you a cab. Come on.
1717 01:19:04 Yo! Taxi!
1718 01:19:11 Let's get you backwith your field trip.
1719 01:19:16 - Where's you headed?- Art Institute.
1720 01:19:18 Drop him offat the side door on Monroe.
1721 01:19:20 - Okay?- Got it.
1722 01:19:22 Tell security you got lost.
1723 01:19:24 Is there any wayI can pay you back somehow?
1724 01:19:27 Nah. I fleeced your dadfor that Patch.
1725 01:19:29 You gotta do me a favor, though.
1726 01:19:31 - What's that?- Have a Merry Christmas.
1727 01:19:51 Wake up, wake up. Is it time yet?
1728 01:19:53 Is it time yet, Jake?
1729 01:19:58 Let's go!
1730 01:20:07 Ten yearsof visual unwrapping experience
1731 01:20:10 I could tell right away there wasno Nintendo under that tree.
1732 01:20:14 Fat ladies standing byquietly warmed their vocal chords.
1733 01:20:18 Lizzy, no opening the presentsuntil we pass them out.
1734 01:20:21 You know the rules.
1735 01:20:26 Legos?
1736 01:20:27 Let's just get this over with.
1737 01:20:29 Okay...
1738 01:20:32 Let's have some Christmas.
1739 01:20:35 And...
1740 01:20:36 - three, two, one...- Merry Christmas!
1741 01:20:40 It's Christmas morning, 1988.
1742 01:20:43 Opening our presents!
1743 01:20:44 - Looking good.- Merry Christmas.
1744 01:20:47 Merry Christmas.
1745 01:20:49 - Okay, hold on.- Cheese.
1746 01:20:54 Boop. Boop.
1747 01:20:56 - How are you, Jake?- Boop.
1748 01:20:57 Cheer up!
1749 01:20:59 Merry Christmas.
1750 01:21:00 Thank you, honey.
1751 01:21:03 Come on, buddy. Thumbs up.
1752 01:21:06 Great, all right, cool.
1753 01:21:15 Leg warmers.
1754 01:21:20 What? I got a sander.
1755 01:21:24 Bookends?
1756 01:21:25 For your encyclopedia set.
1757 01:21:27 Great.
1758 01:21:29 And they have baseballs on them.
1759 01:21:31 I see that.
1760 01:21:34 A Cabbage Patch Kid!
1761 01:21:39 Wow! Freckles!
1762 01:21:43 I'm sorry it's not a redhead.
1763 01:21:48 Thank you so much. I love you.
1764 01:21:51 I love you, too.
1765 01:21:54 Another great Christmas.
1766 01:21:57 You know, every holiday thatI spend with you guys
1767 01:22:00 is a real blessing.
1768 01:22:02 What?
1769 01:22:04 I said, "Every holiday thatI spend with you guys..."
1770 01:22:07 John. John!
1771 01:22:09 John.
1772 01:22:12 Do you have to do that right now?
1773 01:22:15 Yeah, but... You gave it to me.
1774 01:22:17 Okay.
1775 01:22:19 Never mind, honey. I feel likethe moment just passed.
1776 01:22:25 And that's when I saw it.
1777 01:22:29 It was the exact size and shapeof the box I'd held in my hands
1778 01:22:33 not three days before.
1779 01:22:37 To Jake. From Uncle Dan.
1780 01:22:42 Of course. Crazy rich Uncle Dan.
1781 01:22:46 Huh. A gift from Uncle Dan.
1782 01:22:49 You haven't gotten as much asa postcard in the last three years.
1783 01:22:52 Where's he living again now?
1784 01:22:54 Japan.
1785 01:22:55 Japan. Japan.
1786 01:22:56 Home of Nintendo.
1787 01:22:58 The land where dreams come true.
1788 01:23:00 Oh, God, don't mess with me now.
1789 01:23:04 It's got your name on it, Jake.
1790 01:23:07 What'd he say he was sending?
1791 01:23:09 I have no idea.
1792 01:23:14 Come on, come on.
1793 01:23:16 It has to be. It has to be.
1794 01:23:19 Lite-Brite?
1795 01:23:20 Lite-Brite?
1796 01:23:22 Lite-Brite?
1797 01:23:23 Japanese Lite-Brite.
1798 01:23:25 Wow! Lite-Brite!
1799 01:23:28 - Yeah.- Jake, that's fun.
1800 01:23:30 You know, for a second there,I thought it was a Nintendo.
1801 01:23:36 As I slowly triedto grasp the situation
1802 01:23:39 I began to fear that I mightnever recover from this.
1803 01:23:42 This was a tragedy so greatthat I'd never go to prom
1804 01:23:47 never go to college,never leave the house.
1805 01:23:50 I'd become a 30-year-old balding manin his parents' basement
1806 01:23:54 making elaborate picturesof Zelda on his Lite-Brite.
1807 01:23:57 Christmas was dead to me now.
1808 01:24:00 - Hello?- Hey, Trotter.
1809 01:24:01 - Hey.- You didn't get one either?
1810 01:24:03 - Nah, I got a Chia Pet.- You got a Chia Pet?
1811 01:24:06 The Hodges struck out, too.
1812 01:24:07 Yeah, yeah. I heard about the Hodges.
1813 01:24:09 They just got a new bike... to share.
1814 01:24:13 Yep.
1815 01:24:14 Farmer says he got one, but he alsosays he got a jetpack. So...
1816 01:24:17 Yeah, right.
1817 01:24:18 I guess we all struck out.
1818 01:24:21 Well, I gotta go.
1819 01:24:22 - See ya.- See ya, man.
1820 01:24:28 Wait a second.So, you didn't get one?
1821 01:24:31 None of your friends got one?
1822 01:24:33 What kind of a story is this?
1823 01:24:35 Whose Nintendowere we even playing?
1824 01:24:39 Here, come with me.
1825 01:24:43 ...gifts for Granny and Grandpaare in the blue bag.
1826 01:24:50 We're going to Minnesotafor three days, Kathy.
1827 01:24:53 You've been in our car.I've seen you in it.
1828 01:24:54 You know how big it is.
1829 01:24:56 John, you're gettinga little bit of a tone.
1830 01:24:58 I feel like maybe we shouldleave tomorrow morning.
1831 01:25:00 No. I'm not hitting traffic.
1832 01:25:02 - Jake!- What?
1833 01:25:05 Hey, there's still a tonof poop in the backyard. Okay?
1834 01:25:08 So, get a shovel and pick it up.
1835 01:25:10 Why? I mean, come on. Please?
1836 01:25:12 It's Christmas.
1837 01:25:17 Fine.
1838 01:25:24 Come on. Pick them upand put them down, buddy.
1839 01:25:27 - We gotta go.- Yep.
1840 01:25:29 Hey, start with the onesbehind the shed.
1841 01:25:42 Dad! The floodlights!
1842 01:25:47 And there,high above the frozen dog poo
1843 01:25:50 that had becomethe bane of my existence
1844 01:25:52 was the most beautiful structureI had ever laid my eyes on.
1845 01:25:56 Whoa!
1846 01:25:58 A tree fort.
1847 01:25:59 A spectacular, solid-wood tree fort.
1848 01:26:05 Oh, it was breathtaking.
1849 01:26:26 It has a trapdoor!
1850 01:26:28 Your dad was upall night finishing it.
1851 01:26:36 No, careful by the paint!
1852 01:26:38 It still looks wet.
1853 01:26:45 Dad! It's awesome!
1854 01:26:49 I'm gonna get the video camera.
1855 01:26:51 Nah, nah.
1856 01:26:54 - No?- Nah.
1857 01:26:56 Let him be.
1858 01:27:11 So, Dad...
1859 01:27:12 the Nintendo was herein the fort, right?
1860 01:27:16 It was somewhere hidden in here?
1861 01:27:18 Nope.
1862 01:27:19 Then how'd you get it?
1863 01:27:21 I never got it as a present.I had to work for it.
1864 01:27:24 Spent a whole summer caddyingat Prairie Pines Golf Course.
1865 01:27:28 Then Grandpa saidI could buy my own.
1866 01:27:31 But I'll tell you what,this tree fort
1867 01:27:33 turned out to bea pretty great present.
1868 01:27:38 It's my favorite placeat Grandma and Grandpa's.
1869 01:27:41 Me, too.
1870 01:27:44 Dinner's ready! Come on in!
1871 01:27:47 Grandma! Hi, Grandma!
1872 01:27:50 Hey, Mom!Didn't know you guys were back.
1873 01:27:52 Well, we are.
1874 01:27:53 Now get your buns in hereand give me a hug.
1875 01:28:25 Smell that?
1876 01:28:28 Fresh air?
1877 01:28:30 Fresh air.
1878 01:28:32 Hockey stick slatsturned out okay, huh?
1879 01:28:38 Thanks for your help.
1880 01:28:41 Here. Carve your initial.
1881 01:28:44 Every good craftsmanleaves their mark.
1882 01:28:47 That's a good spot.
1883 01:28:50 There you go.
1884 01:28:52 There, you got it. Yeah.
1885 01:28:55 Not bad.
1886 01:28:57 Maybe this summerwe could add a lookout tower.
1887 01:29:03 Totally.
1888 01:29:04 Totally.
1889 01:29:08 Peacefully, my mind unfoldedall the tree fort adventures
1890 01:29:11 that undoubtedly lay ahead.
1891 01:29:13 Flashlight campoutswith Olsen and the Hodges
1892 01:29:16 ridiculous ghost stories from Farmer
1893 01:29:18 and late-night skygazing with Trotterfor Soviet spy planes.
1894 01:29:25 And then a dogwas crushed by a TV.
1895 01:29:27 Oh, and Mom,Dad skipped out on a field trip.
1896 01:29:30 It was the most crazy storyI've ever heard.
1897 01:29:32 Thank you.Crazy and exciting and amazing.
1898 01:29:34 So, that was the first thing youand Grandpa built together, right?
1899 01:29:38 Yes, Annie, but I had a point.
1900 01:29:40 I know your point, Dad.
1901 01:29:42 I'm not getting a phone
1902 01:29:44 but Christmas can still be great.
1903 01:29:46 That... Yeah, pretty much.
1904 01:29:49 - Yeah.- But you left out the best part.
1905 01:29:51 Yes. Our matchingpurple floral boots.
1906 01:29:54 Katie Sorrentino, I would never.
1907 01:29:56 - Okay.- Really?
1908 01:29:57 Those boots were $11.99,and I thought they looked great.
1909 01:30:01 No, Dad.
1910 01:30:03 That was the Christmasyou and Grandpa found your thing.
1911 01:30:15 Which is a miracle, too, 'causethat man could not find anything.
1912 01:30:41 Thanks, kiddo.
1913 01:30:43 You think maybewe could borrow some of his tools
1914 01:30:45 and work on the fort tomorrow?
1915 01:30:48 Yeah.
1916 01:30:50 I think he'd like that.
1917 01:30:55 Turns out John Doyle wasmore than just a guy who yelled a lot
1918 01:30:58 and could never quitefinish the kitchen.
1919 01:31:00 He was a magician.
1920 01:31:02 He was a hero.
1921 01:31:05 He was my dad.
1922 01:31:09 Come on.
1923 01:31:11 Gotta hit the road.
1924 01:31:13 Don't wanna hit any traffic.
1925 01:31:16 Okay.
1926 01:31:25 All right.
1927 01:31:31 - Hey, Dad?- Yeah?
1928 01:31:35 Merry Christmas.
1929 01:31:37 Merry Christmas, Jake.
