疯狂圣诞假期 Christmas Vacation(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:17 ♪ It's that timeChristmas time is here ♪
2 00:00:23 ♪ Everybody knows there's notA better time of year ♪
3 00:00:29 ♪ Hear that sleighSanta's on his way ♪
4 00:00:34 ♪ Hip, Hip HoorayFor Christamas Vacation ♪
5 00:00:40 ♪ Gotta a ton of stuff to celebrate(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
6 00:00:46 ♪ Now it's getting closer I can't wait(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang) ♪
7 00:00:51 ♪ Gonna make this holidayAs perfect as can be ♪
8 00:00:57 ♪ Just wait and seeThis Christmas Vacation ♪
9 00:01:03 ♪ This old houseSure is looking good ♪
10 00:01:08 ♪ Got ourselves the finest snowmanIn the neighborhood ♪
11 00:01:14 ♪ Ain't it funAlways on the run ♪
12 00:01:19 ♪ That's how it's doneOn Christmas Vacation ♪
13 00:01:25 ♪ Let's all deck the halls and light the lights(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
14 00:01:31 ♪ Get a toasty fire buring bright(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang) ♪
15 00:01:36 ♪ Give St. Nick the warmest welcomeThat he's every had ♪
16 00:01:42 ♪ We're so glad it's Christmas Vacation ♪
17 00:01:48 ♪ And when the nightsAre peacful and serene ♪
18 00:01:54 ♪ We can cuddle upAnd do our Chirstmas dreaming ♪
19 00:02:02 ♪ Peace and joy and love are everywhere(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
20 00:02:07 ♪ You can feel the magic in the air(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang) ♪
21 00:02:13 ♪ Let the spirit of the seasonCarry us away ♪
22 00:02:19 ♪ Hip, hip, hoorayFor Christmas Vacation ♪
23 00:02:24 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
24 00:02:27 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
25 00:02:30 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
26 00:02:33 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
27 00:02:36 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
28 00:02:39 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
29 00:02:41 ♪ We're so glad it's Christmas Vacation ♪
30 00:02:50 ♪ (Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
31 00:02:56 ♪ (Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)Oh, woo ♪♪
32 00:03:00 ♪ Oh, come, let us adore Him ♪
33 00:03:06 ♪ Christ the Lord ♪♪
34 00:03:12 That was beautiful, honey--
35 00:03:13 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of hollyFa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
36 00:03:16 ♪ 'Tis the season to be jollyFa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪
37 00:03:20 ♪ Don we now our gay apparelFa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la ♪
38 00:03:24 ♪ Troll the ancient Yule-tide carolFa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪♪
39 00:03:28 Take it, Russ.
40 00:03:30 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪♪
41 00:03:32 Dad, can you explain againwhat we're doing?
42 00:03:35 Sure, Russ. We're kicking off our fun,old-fashioned family Christmas...
43 00:03:39 ...by heading out into the countryin the old front-wheel drive sleigh...
44 00:03:43 ...to embrace the majestyof the winter landscape...
45 00:03:45 ...and select that most importantof Christmas symbols.
46 00:03:49 We're not driving all the way here soyou can get one of those stupid ties...
47 00:03:53 ...with the Santa Clauses on it,are we, Dad?
48 00:03:55 No, I have one of those at home.
49 00:03:57 What we're looking for todayis the Griswold family Christmas tree.
50 00:04:06 ♪ We wish you a Merry ChristmasWe wish you a Merry Christmas ♪
51 00:04:09 ♪ We wish you a Merry ChristmasAnd a happy-- ♪♪
52 00:04:11 - What's the matter?- Some jackass is riding my tail.
53 00:04:17 Slow down and let him pass.
54 00:04:27 ♪ We wish you a Merry ChristmasWe wish-- ♪♪
55 00:04:31 Clark! Don't provoke them.
56 00:04:35 Hey, kids, look a deer.
57 00:04:57 Clark, slow down!
58 00:05:00 You wanna ride behind somebodywho does that?
59 00:05:02 I'll pull around themand leave them behind us.
60 00:05:05 Burn some dust here.Eat my rubber.
61 00:05:09 Dad, I think what you mean is,"Burn rubber," and, "Eat my dust."
62 00:05:13 Whatever, Russ. Whatever.
63 00:05:20 Eat my road grit, liver lips!
64 00:05:26 Okay. That's enough of that.
65 00:05:33 Speaking of trees, kids,
66 00:05:35 can one of you tell me what the first treedisplayed at the White House was?
67 00:05:38 Dad, they're back.
68 00:05:45 Clark, stop it!I don't want to spend the holidays dead.
69 00:05:49 Honey, please! I'll do the driving, okay?
70 00:05:52 Will you just take it easy, Ellen?I'm in complete control.
71 00:05:57 I'll get around this egg timer.
72 00:06:04 Dad. Dad.
73 00:06:16 - Thank God, we're all right!- Clark, we're stuck under a truck!
74 00:06:20 - Do you think I don't know that?- Come on, guys, don't fight.
75 00:06:24 For chrissake,I didn't do this on purpose!
76 00:06:30 Our Father, who art in heaven,hallowed be thy name.
77 00:06:35 And forgive my husband.He knows not what he does.
78 00:06:38 Amen!
79 00:06:41 - Oh, my God! Oh, my God!- Oops!
80 00:06:57 Made pretty good time.
81 00:07:06 Dad, didn't they invent tree lotsso people wouldn't have to drive...
82 00:07:10 ...all the way out to nowhereand waste a whole Saturday?
83 00:07:13 They made thembecause people forgot...
84 00:07:16 ...how to have an fun,old-fashioned Christmas...
85 00:07:18 ...and are satisfied with scrawny,dead, overpriced trees...
86 00:07:21 - ...that have no special meaning.- My toes are numb.
87 00:07:23 - This is what our forefathers did.- I can't feel my leg.
88 00:07:27 They walked out into the woods,picked it and cut it with their hands.
89 00:07:31 - Mom, I can't feel my hips.- Clark.
90 00:07:34 - Yes, honey?- Audrey's frozen from the waist.
91 00:07:37 That's all part of the experience, honey.
92 00:07:42 There it is.
93 00:08:02 The Griswold family Christmas tree.
94 00:08:10 - Isn't it a little big?- It's not big, it's just full.
95 00:08:15 Dad, that thing wouldn't fit in our yard.
96 00:08:19 It's not going in our yard, Russ.It's going in our living room.
97 00:08:27 - Look at it.- It really is beautiful, Clark.
98 00:08:31 - It's something else, huh, Russ?- Yeah, Dad.
99 00:08:33 - Isn't it a beaut, Audrey?- She'll see it later, hon.
100 00:08:36 Her eyes are frozen.
101 00:08:39 Most enduring traditions of theseason are best enjoyed in the...
102 00:08:42 ...warm embrace of kith and kin.
103 00:08:46 This tree is the symbol of the spiritof the Griswold Christmas.
104 00:08:51 Dad, did you bring a saw?
105 00:09:39 Looks like the toad overestimatedthe height of his living room ceiling.
106 00:09:54 Hey, Griswold.
107 00:09:56 Where do you thinkyou're gonna put a tree that big?
108 00:10:00 Bend over and I'll show you.
109 00:10:02 You've got a lot of nervetalking to me like that.
110 00:10:05 I wasn't talking to you.
111 00:10:21 Clark, do you think there's enough roomfor the angel?
112 00:10:26 Oh, sure, honey. I have a little moretrimming to do but that won't be a problem.
113 00:10:31 Ready?
114 00:10:33 I give youthe Griswold family Christmas tree.
115 00:10:44 There's a lot of sap in here.
116 00:10:48 It looks great.A little full. A lot of sap.
117 00:11:13 - Did I tell you I talked to my mother?- And?
118 00:11:17 They've decided they're comingfor Christmas too.
119 00:11:20 - It's not too late to change our plans.- No, no, that's great. That's great.
120 00:11:26 You're forgetting how difficult it's gonnabe having everybody in the house.
121 00:11:31 Honey, they're family.They're not strangers off the street.
122 00:11:34 All they do is argue.
123 00:11:36 Christmas is aboutresolving differences...
124 00:11:38 ...and seeing through the problemsof family life.
125 00:11:41 Yeah. And about my mother accusingyour mother of buying cheap hot dogs.
126 00:11:45 And your mother accusing my motherof waxing her upper lip.
127 00:11:49 - Then they don't speak to each other--- Your mother waxes her upper lip?
128 00:11:53 - She has for years.- It doesn't show.
129 00:11:57 - I don't know, Sparky. I have a feeling--- Ellen.
130 00:12:01 I want to have Christmashere in our house.
131 00:12:03 It means a lot to me. All my life I'vewanted to have a big family Christmas.
132 00:12:08 I know.
133 00:12:12 It's just that I know how you buildthings up in your mind, Sparky.
134 00:12:17 You set standards that no family eventcan ever live up to.
135 00:12:22 When have I ever done that?
136 00:12:27 - Parties. Weddings. Anniversaries.- Good night, honey.
137 00:12:34 - Funerals. Holidays.- Oh, great.
138 00:12:38 Vacations. Graduations.
139 00:13:04 You should be looking ata fat Christmas bonus this year, huh?
140 00:13:07 Word is you're an excellent choice to benamed Additive Designer of the Year.
141 00:13:11 - Nah.- I'm not kidding.
142 00:13:14 What's that new thing you gotat Food and Drug?
143 00:13:16 Oh, the crunch enhancer?
144 00:13:17 Yeah, it's a non-nutritive cereal varnish.It's semipermeable, not osmatic.
145 00:13:22 It coats and seals the flakeprevents the milk from penetrating it.
146 00:13:25 - Yeah. It's a beautiful product.- I like it, yeah.
147 00:13:28 The question is,what will you do with that bonus?
148 00:13:31 - Gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.- Me? Heck, no.
149 00:13:34 Take a look at this.
150 00:13:40 I hope my Christmas bonus checkwill cover it.
151 00:13:43 Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool.
152 00:13:55 I went ahead and I put a $7500deposit down on it.
153 00:13:59 You're the last true family man.
154 00:14:03 - Mark.- Clark.
155 00:14:07 That's Bill, sir.
156 00:14:09 Were you working on thatnon-nutritive cereal varnish?
157 00:14:12 Yes, sir.
158 00:14:13 I gotta give a speech to a trade group.I'd like to mention it.
159 00:14:17 Write a summaryand have it to me by the end of the day.
160 00:14:20 My pleasure.
161 00:14:21 Layman's terms. None of that insidebullshit jargon nobody understands.
162 00:14:25 Yes, sir.
163 00:14:30 Oh, Mr. Shirley. We gotyour Christmas card the other day...
164 00:14:34 ...and my family and I are very flatteredthat you remembered us.
165 00:14:38 Corporate cards.
166 00:14:44 - Don't forget that report, Bill.- Yes, sir. Thank you. Merry Christmas.
167 00:14:47 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.Merry Christmas.
168 00:14:49 Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass.Happy Hanukkah.
169 00:14:56 ♪ Hey, Santa Claus! Hey, Santa Claus! ♪
170 00:14:59 ♪ Hey, Santa Claus,Santa Claus, Santa Claus! ♪
171 00:15:02 ♪ Hey, Santa Claus! Hey, Santa Claus! ♪
172 00:15:05 ♪ Hey, Santa Claus,Santa Claus, Santa Claus! ♪
173 00:15:08 ♪ Hey, Santa Claus! Hey, Santa Claus! ♪
174 00:15:12 ♪ Hey, Santa Claus,Santa Claus, Santa Claus! ♪♪
175 00:15:20 Can I show you something?
176 00:15:29 I was just smelling-- Smiling.I was just blouse-- Browsing.
177 00:15:36 For your wife or your girlfriend?
178 00:15:40 What? What happened?
179 00:15:48 I guess it wouldn't be any--
180 00:15:52 Wouldn't be the Christmas shoppingseason if stores were less hooter--
181 00:15:55 Hotter than they are.
182 00:15:59 - It is warm in here.- You have your coat on.
183 00:16:01 - Yes. Oh, do I? How did that happen?- Because it's cold out.
184 00:16:04 Yes. Yes. It is. It's a bit nipply out.I mean, nippy out.
185 00:16:10 What did I say, nipple?
186 00:16:12 - There is a nip in the air though.- Can I take something out for you?
187 00:16:26 I was just.... I was just lookingat something for my wife.
188 00:16:31 - God rest her soul.- Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
189 00:16:34 Oh, no, no, she's not dead.We're just divorced. She's history.
190 00:16:40 Obviously she doesn't wear underwear.There are plenty of shopping days left...
191 00:16:44 ...until adultery-- Adulthood.Which is to say Christmas, as in Yule.
192 00:16:49 Yule log. Not a log, I don't have a log.But, I mean, you know, if I had a log...
193 00:16:54 ...not in the sense that you thinkI said I did. Good golly.
194 00:17:00 'Tis the season to be merry.
195 00:17:02 - Well, that's my name.- No shit.
196 00:17:13 What do these do? Do they clip on here?Down there?
197 00:17:18 - Would you like this one?- Sure.
198 00:17:21 These are cut really high on the hip.Look, I'm wearing something similar.
199 00:17:25 See? You can't see the line.
200 00:17:27 - You can't see the line, can you, Russ?- No.
201 00:17:29 No.
202 00:17:33 That's a presentfrom a very dear friend of mine.
203 00:17:37 Look, Daddy, teacher saysevery time a bell rings...
204 00:17:41 ...an angel gets his wings.
205 00:17:54 ♪ We'll drink a cup of kindness yet ♪♪
206 00:18:00 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
207 00:18:17 Folks! Folks! Folks!Merry Christmas.
208 00:18:23 - Hey! How you doing, son?- Fine.
209 00:18:27 There he is! Oh, my boy.
210 00:18:31 - Look at how big you've gotten.- Merry Christmas.
211 00:18:35 - Mom.- Sweetheart.
212 00:18:37 Oh, knock on the door.Lift up the ladder.
213 00:18:41 - Listen. Doesn't Nora look old?- You promised.
214 00:18:43 - Of course I do.- They took a pint of fluid from my back.
215 00:18:47 Do you see this mole? This mole onmy neck? Think it's changing color?
216 00:18:50 No. You keep touching it,it gets redder.
217 00:18:53 I got hemorrhoids.Can you believe that?
218 00:18:55 - Oh, Mother.- Isn't that terrible?
219 00:18:57 - You're not getting the garage space.- After what you--
220 00:19:00 I'm doing the parking.Russ, want to help?
221 00:19:02 Mom, they're not sleeping in my room.I'm gonna go crazy, Mom.
222 00:19:05 Sweetheart. Your grandma'sgot a real painful burr on my heel.
223 00:19:09 If you rub it for me,I'll give you a whole quarter.
224 00:19:11 - A quarter. A quarter.- I'll give Audrey a quarter too.
225 00:19:14 - I'm gonna put my car in the garage!- He damaged my car, you believe that?
226 00:19:18 I'll park the cars.
227 00:19:20 This is what Christmas is all about.
228 00:19:23 I'll park the carsand check the luggage...
229 00:19:27 ...and yeah,I'll be outside for the season.
230 00:19:34 We're gonna have thebest-looking house in town, Russ.
231 00:19:37 - I've always wanted to do this.- That's a lot of lights, Dad.
232 00:19:40 I'm sure it's a lot of work too,
233 00:19:43 but if I'm out in the cold and I'mcommitted to decorating the house,
234 00:19:45 I'm gonna do it rightand I'm gonna do it big.
235 00:19:49 You want somethingyou can be proud of, don't you?
236 00:19:52 - Yeah, I guess so.- Sure you do.
237 00:19:56 - You think you might be overdoing it?- Russ, when did I last overdo anything?
238 00:20:05 Come on, unravel these.
239 00:20:08 You have to check every bulb.Got a little knot here. You work on that.
240 00:20:15 I'll get the other box.
241 00:20:30 - I hope he falls and breaks his neck.- I'm sure he'll fall.
242 00:20:32 I don't think we're lucky enoughto have him break his neck.
243 00:20:39 Let's go.
244 00:21:07 These winds appear to be playing havocwith that giant float.
245 00:21:12 At this point I can't even see the nuts.They must have blown away.
246 00:21:17 But nothing is going to dampen the spiritof this holiday crowd, I can tell you that.
247 00:21:21 Oh, here they are. Here come the nuts.These look like giant nuts to me.
248 00:21:25 Yeah, I'm reminded of a couple yearsago, the winds were so high here...
249 00:21:29 ...we almost lost Santa's reindeer.
250 00:21:32 Rudolph's red nose took out a third floorwindow at Marshall Field's.
251 00:21:37 They better keep their eyes outon their nuts before someone gets hurt.
252 00:22:41 Would it be indecent to askthe grandparents to stay at a hotel?
253 00:22:44 Audrey.
254 00:22:46 Well, can we at least forbid themto answer the phone?
255 00:22:49 Alex called this morning.Grandpa Clark told him...
256 00:22:51 ...I couldn't come to the phonebecause I was going to the bathroom.
257 00:22:55 We're all making sacrifices, Audrey.
258 00:22:57 Everybody? Do you sleepwith your brother?
259 00:23:00 Do you know how sick and twistedthat is, Mom?
260 00:23:02 Well, I'm sleeping with your father.Don't be so dramatic.
261 00:23:07 I have nightmares aboutwhat he does in his bed
262 00:23:09 when I'm not lyingright next to him.
263 00:23:12 Well, I don't know what to say except...
264 00:23:14 ...it's Christmas and we're all in misery.
265 00:23:18 Ellen, are you smoking again?
266 00:23:21 No!
267 00:23:31 Ow!
268 00:23:34 Hey, Dad, where do you wantthese reindeer?
269 00:23:37 Just put them down there on the lawn,Russ.
270 00:23:41 I can't find the Santa Claus.
271 00:23:45 It's in the basement. We'll get it later.
272 00:24:44 - Clark. Dinner's ready.- Okay, honey. I'm starving.
273 00:25:08 Obviously somethinghad to break the window!
274 00:25:10 Something had to hit the stereo!
275 00:25:22 - And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?- I don't know, Margo.
276 00:25:35 You want to hurry this up?I'm freezing my baguettes off.
277 00:25:39 Two hundred and fiftystrands of light...
278 00:25:41 ...100 individual bulbs per strand...
279 00:25:43 ...for a grand total of 25,000imported Italian twinkle lights.
280 00:25:49 - Twenty-five thousand.- I hope nobody I know drives by...
281 00:25:53 ...and sees me standing in the yard,staring at the house in my pajamas.
282 00:25:57 If they know your dad,they won't think anything of it.
283 00:26:00 Fire it up, Dad!
284 00:26:03 I dedicate this houseto the Griswold family Christmas.
285 00:26:07 Aw...
286 00:26:10 Drum roll, please.
287 00:26:14 - Drum roll.- Oh, uh....
288 00:26:30 ♪ Joy to the World ♪♪
289 00:26:48 Beautiful, Clark.
290 00:26:50 Talk about pissing your money away.
291 00:26:53 I hope you kids seewhat a silly waste of resources this was.
292 00:26:58 - He worked really hard, Grandma.- So do washing machines.
293 00:27:07 Let's get in where it's warm.
294 00:27:09 Clark, baby, I can picture it in my mind.And it's breathtaking.
295 00:27:18 - Thanks, Mom.- It's probably a bad bulb, son.
296 00:27:21 You know, if one goes out,the whole thing doesn't work.
297 00:27:25 Now, if I were youI'd personally check each one.
298 00:27:28 I did that, Dad. I can't--
299 00:27:30 Now, look, if you need any helpgive me a holler. I'll be asleep.
300 00:27:35 - Thanks.- Sorry, Daddy.
301 00:27:38 It looks goodeven if they're not lit.
302 00:27:42 Thank you, sweetheart.
303 00:27:50 - Well, Dad, it was a good try.- Thanks, Russ.
304 00:27:55 - Russ.- Yeah?
305 00:27:57 - We checked every bulb, didn't we?- Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm sure of it.
306 00:28:03 I thought so. Well, maybewe ought to go up there and just get--
307 00:28:08 Jeez! Look at the time.I gotta get to bed.
308 00:28:12 Brush my teeth. Feed the hog.
309 00:28:15 I've still got some homework to do.Do the laundry. Wash the car.
310 00:28:19 I've still got those bills to pay....
311 00:28:22 Clark, don't stay up too late.
312 00:28:37 ♪ Silent night ♪
313 00:28:42 ♪ Holy night ♪
314 00:28:46 ♪ All is calm ♪
315 00:28:49 Get off me, you little fungus.
316 00:28:52 ♪ All is bright ♪
317 00:28:57 ♪ Round yon virgin ♪
318 00:29:02 ♪ Mother and child ♪
319 00:29:07 ♪ Holy infant ♪
320 00:29:12 ♪ Tender and mild ♪
321 00:29:17 ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
322 00:29:27 ♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪
323 00:30:52 Where the hell is that cold coming from?
324 00:30:55 Ooh.... Oh.
325 00:31:10 Hey!
326 00:31:14 Hey.
327 00:31:17 Hello?
328 00:31:18 - I need to get a few more--- Pay by check.
329 00:31:21 - I will. Not a card?- If they return it, it's a hassle....
330 00:31:25 Russ!
331 00:31:31 - Help!- Daddy, is Clark coming?
332 00:31:35 - How would I know?- Is he in the house?
333 00:31:37 If he isn't farting aroundwith his lights, he must be inside.
334 00:31:40 I'm sure he wants to come shoppingand have lunch with us.
335 00:31:43 He's got another car. He can drive.I have to eat so I can take my back pills.
336 00:32:19 Ellen! Hey! Ellen!
337 00:34:02 ♪ Christmas is the time of year ♪
338 00:34:09 ♪ For being with the one's we love ♪
339 00:34:15 ♪ Sharing so much joy and cheer ♪
340 00:34:19 ♪ What a wonderful feelin' ♪
341 00:34:26 ♪ Watching the one's we love ♪
342 00:34:31 ♪ Having so much fun ♪
343 00:34:39 ♪ I was sittin' by the fire side ♪
344 00:34:47 ♪ Taking a walk through the snow ♪
345 00:34:53 ♪ Listening to a children's choir ♪
346 00:34:57 ♪ Singing songs about Jesus ♪
347 00:35:04 ♪ The blessed way that he came to us ♪
348 00:35:10 ♪ Why can't it remain ♪
349 00:35:16 ♪ All through the year ♪
350 00:35:23 ♪ Each day the same ♪
351 00:35:28 ♪ Heyeah, that's what I wanna hear ♪
352 00:35:36 ♪ Heh heh ♪♪
353 00:35:50 I want to take off these clothes,sit with a glass of wine...
354 00:35:53 ...and kiss your body.
355 00:35:55 - After you shower, of course.- Of course.
356 00:36:14 - Sparky?- Yes, honey.
357 00:36:26 Are you out here for a reason,or are you just avoiding the family?
358 00:36:29 No. I still have a couple hundredmore bulbs to check.
359 00:36:33 In the meantime, I can light the Santa,the deer and the Merry Christmas sign.
360 00:36:38 That should look good. Ready?
361 00:36:41 - You want me to do the drum roll thing?- No, it's okay. Here goes nothing.
362 00:36:53 I don't understand it.
363 00:36:56 The house lights don't work,the flood lights don't work.
364 00:37:02 Is it plugged in?
365 00:37:03 Do you honestly think I would checkthousands of lights...
366 00:37:06 ...if the extension cordwasn't plugged in?
367 00:37:11 You used more than one cord,didn't you?
368 00:37:16 Maybe the kids have been foolingaround with it. I'll check in back.
369 00:37:41 Clark!
370 00:37:44 - Todd! What's that light?!- Sorry!
371 00:37:47 Clark!
372 00:37:50 Honey, I think I know what's wrong.
373 00:38:08 I can't see.
374 00:38:10 No, no, no-- Oh, my God--
375 00:38:28 This ought to do it.
376 00:38:42 Ellen, I fixed it!
377 00:38:45 - Oh, right!- Oh, God!
378 00:38:47 Everybody! Come out quick!Look at the lights!
379 00:38:59 - Get a towel.- Okay!
380 00:39:05 - Wait. I don't believe this!- What's all the yelling about?
381 00:39:09 What?! But--What's going on here?
382 00:39:14 Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights.
383 00:39:18 - What's he doing, Clark?- I haven't the foggiest.
384 00:39:21 What?
385 00:39:24 What the hell? What is wrong with this?
386 00:39:30 Damn it! Damn it!
387 00:39:36 You goddamn light!
388 00:39:57 Go! Go! Do it!
389 00:40:00 ♪ Hallelujah ♪
390 00:40:02 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
391 00:40:06 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
392 00:40:10 ♪ Hallelujah ♪- Dad, it's beautiful!
393 00:40:12 ♪ Hallelujah ♪
394 00:40:14 ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
395 00:40:20 ♪ For the lord God omnipotent reigneth ♪
396 00:40:26 - God!♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪
397 00:40:29 - Oh, my carpet!♪ Hallelujah ♪♪
398 00:40:39 - Oh, Clark, it's so lovely.- Mom.
399 00:40:45 You deserve a home like thisto spend Christmas in.
400 00:40:51 - It's a beaut, Clark. It's a beaut.- Dad, Dad, Dad.
401 00:40:56 You taught me everythingI know about exterior illumination.
402 00:40:59 Thank you, thank you.
403 00:41:02 Russ. Audrey.
404 00:41:07 Dear, dear Francis.
405 00:41:12 I hope this adds to your enjoymentof the holidays.
406 00:41:15 - It's just wonderful.- Yeah.
407 00:41:20 Arthur. Art.
408 00:41:25 Dad. Thanks for being here.
409 00:41:28 The little lights are not twinkling.
410 00:41:31 I know, Art, and thanks for noticing.
411 00:41:38 The house sure does look swell, Clark.
412 00:41:41 Thanks, Eddie. I hope it enhancesyour holiday spirit.
413 00:41:45 Dear Cathrine.
414 00:41:47 Eddie?
415 00:41:50 - Oh, the house is gorgeous, Clark.- Eddie?
416 00:41:55 I hope you didn't do thisall on our account, Clark.
417 00:41:58 Kids, come on out here and see whatUncle Clark's done to the house.
418 00:42:02 Eddie?
419 00:42:11 Eddie?
420 00:42:14 Yeah. If you don't remember,this here is Rocky.
421 00:42:19 - You got a kiss for me?- Better take a rain check on that.
422 00:42:22 He's got a lip fungusthey ain't identified yet.
423 00:42:28 - You remember Ruby Sue?- Oh, yeah.
424 00:42:32 Oh, my gosh!
425 00:42:36 - Her eyes aren't crossed anymore.- That's something, ain't it?
426 00:42:39 Falls in a well, eyes go crossed.
427 00:42:41 She gets kicked by a mule,they go back to normal.
428 00:42:44 I don't know.
429 00:42:48 And this here's our pride and joy. Snots.
430 00:42:53 Pretty name, Ed.
431 00:42:54 We named him thatbecause he's got this sinus condition.
432 00:42:58 Snots, you roll over and letUncle Clark scratch your belly.
433 00:43:04 You ain't never seen a set on a doglike this one's got, Clark.
434 00:43:07 - Oh, Ed.- That's okay, Eddie.
435 00:43:10 That's something, ain't it?You pet him...
436 00:43:12 ...and he'll love you till the day you die.
437 00:43:15 I really shouldn't.My hands are all chapped.
438 00:43:18 We were gonna call, but Eddiewanted to make it a surprise.
439 00:43:22 - Yeah. You surprised?- Surprised, Eddie?
440 00:43:26 If I woke up with my headsewn to the carpet,
441 00:43:28 I wouldn't be more surprised.
442 00:43:33 We have plenty of room.
443 00:43:37 We have plenty of towels.We have plenty of everything.
444 00:43:42 We're pretty well set up here in the RV.It's a little tight...
445 00:43:47 - ...but we didn't come to impose.- Hell, there's plenty of room.
446 00:43:51 - Quit being so damn polite, Ed.- Oh....
447 00:43:53 Cathrine and I, we're prettycomfy in there, you know.
448 00:43:57 But maybe you wouldn't mindthe youngsters shacking up with you.
449 00:44:01 After that long drive, we coulduse a little private time together.
450 00:44:06 Why don't you get the kids' things?
451 00:44:08 Don't forget the rubber sheetsand gerbils.
452 00:44:11 Come on. I wanna show you the home.
453 00:44:14 Audrey, help me get somehot chocolate. It's cold.
454 00:44:51 That's a honey of a tree, Clark.Is it real?
455 00:44:56 Yeah. Yeah, I dug it outof the ground myself.
456 00:44:58 - Is that a fact?- Hey, get out of there. Snots! Yo!
457 00:45:02 Don't worry about it, Clark.A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him.
458 00:45:06 Before we left, he dranka half a quart of Pennzoil.
459 00:45:09 Boy, when he lifted his legthe next morning....
460 00:45:14 If he drinks the water, the tree'sgonna dry up. Come on, out of there.
461 00:45:18 - Snots.- Out, out, out.
462 00:45:20 Get out of there.Get in the kitchen now.
463 00:45:22 Get in the kitchen there and getyou something to eat. Go on.
464 00:45:25 He's cute, ain't he?
465 00:45:27 Only problem is, he's got a bitof Mississippi leg hound in him.
466 00:45:31 If the mood catches him right, he'llgrab your leg and just go to town.
467 00:45:36 Don't want him around if you're wearingshort pants, if you know what I mean.
468 00:45:41 A word of warning, though. If he laysinto you, it's best to just let him finish.
469 00:45:49 I can't believe you're actually standinghere in my living room, Eddie.
470 00:45:53 - Never thought the day would come.- Yeah, I'm excited about it too.
471 00:45:58 It's a crying shamethe older kids couldn't make it.
472 00:46:04 I'll get that. Don't worry about it.Let me get it.
473 00:46:11 Yeah, I got the daughter in the clinic,getting cured off the Wild Turkey.
474 00:46:16 And the older boy, bless his soul,is preparing for his career.
475 00:46:21 - College?- Carnival.
476 00:46:23 - You gotta be proud.- Oh, yeah.
477 00:46:26 Yeah, last season he wasa pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl.
478 00:46:30 He thinks maybe next year...
479 00:46:32 ...he'll be guessing people's weightor barking for the Yak Woman.
480 00:46:37 - You ever see her?- No.
481 00:46:39 She's got these big hornsgrowing right out above her ears.
482 00:46:43 Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal.And a hell of a good cook.
483 00:46:47 Can I refill your eggnog?Get you something to eat?
484 00:46:50 Drive you out to nowhereand leave you for dead?
485 00:46:52 No, I'm doing just fine, Clark.Just glad to be here.
486 00:46:56 Yeah. So when did you getthe tenement on wheels?
487 00:47:01 Oh, that there? That's an RV.
488 00:47:05 Yeah, yeah.I borrowed it off a buddy of mine.
489 00:47:07 He took my house, I took the RV.
490 00:47:11 It's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it?
491 00:47:13 Yeah. Looks so nice parkedin the driveway.
492 00:47:16 Yeah, it sure does. But don'tyou go falling in love with it now.
493 00:47:20 Because we're taking it with uswhen we leave here next month.
494 00:47:33 Well, get Ed Leftic up hereto look over these figures.
495 00:47:36 Oh, retooling. That's a great excuse.
496 00:47:41 Retooling?! I'll retool you!
497 00:47:46 - Mr. Shirley, Merry Christmas.- Who's that?
498 00:47:50 - It's me, Clark Griswold.- What do you want?
499 00:47:55 My wife and I came up with a littlesomething special. It's a gift.
500 00:48:00 Put it over there with the others,greaseball.
501 00:48:12 Oh.
502 00:48:14 By the way, I hope my reporthelped out at the trade show.
503 00:48:23 I'm sure it did, Grisball.
504 00:48:26 Now, if you'll excuse me,I'm in the middle of an important call.
505 00:48:30 Get me somebody. Anybody.
506 00:48:34 And get me somebody while I wait.
507 00:48:49 This is a new silicon-based kitchenlubricant my company's working on.
508 00:48:55 It creates a surface 500 timesmore slippery than any cooking oil.
509 00:48:59 We're gonna fly downthe hill with this stuff.
510 00:49:01 - Has anyone ever used it on a sled?- Not that I know of, Russ.
511 00:49:07 Well, don't go puttingnone of that stuff on my sled, Clark.
512 00:49:11 - You know that metal plate in my head?- How could I forget?
513 00:49:14 I had to have it replaced because everytime Cathrine revved up the microwave...
514 00:49:18 ...I'd piss my pants and forgetwho I was for a half-hour or so.
515 00:49:22 Over at the V.A. they replaced it with aplastic one and it ain't as strong, so....
516 00:49:27 I don't know if I oughtto go down no hill...
517 00:49:30 ...with nothing between the ground and mybrain but a piece of government plastic.
518 00:49:36 - You really think it matters, Eddie?- The plate runs underneath my part here.
519 00:49:42 Over here it's, you know, nothing.
520 00:49:45 But here, if this gets dented,then my hair just ain't gonna look right.
521 00:49:52 Yeah, I know the feeling.
522 00:49:55 I better try this first, see how it works.
523 00:49:58 - You be careful there, Clark.- There's nothing to worry about, Eddie.
524 00:50:02 Going for a new amateur recreationalsaucer-sled land-speed record:
525 00:50:07 Clark W. Griswold Jr.!
526 00:50:10 Remember, don't try this at home, kids.I am a professional.
527 00:50:16 Later, dudes.
528 00:50:19 Let her rip. Hang 10.
529 00:50:22 Oh, shit!
530 00:50:26 Oh....
531 00:50:35 Hey! Hey! Hey! Ah!
532 00:50:37 This is great! It's great! It's great!I'm dead!
533 00:50:42 No, not-- Hey!
534 00:51:00 Look out!
535 00:51:26 Bingo.
536 00:51:39 - Clark? You staying late?- Oh, hi, Bill. Yeah.
537 00:51:44 Just finishing up a few things.Last day of the year for me.
538 00:51:48 Well, have a really Merry Christmas.
539 00:51:53 You too.
540 00:51:56 - Are you okay?- Yeah.
541 00:52:01 Bill, did you get your bonus yet?
542 00:52:04 I just talked to my son.
543 00:52:07 Company messenger brought somethingto the house. I guess that's it.
544 00:52:10 Nothing like waiting tillthe last minute, huh?
545 00:52:13 Did you get yours?
546 00:52:17 If it isn't at the house,I'm sure it's on its way.
547 00:52:19 If I don't get that bonus,I'm in it up to here.
548 00:52:24 Don't sweat it. It'll come.Merry Christmas.
549 00:52:27 Same to you.
550 00:52:48 ♪ Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say ♪
551 00:52:53 ♪ On a bright Hawaiian Christmas day ♪
552 00:52:58 ♪ That's the island greetingThat we send to you ♪
553 00:53:02 ♪ From the land where palm trees sway ♪
554 00:53:07 ♪ Here we know that ChristmasWill be green and bright ♪
555 00:53:12 ♪ The sun will shine by dayAnd all the stars at night ♪
556 00:53:16 ♪ Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪
557 00:53:21 ♪ To say Merry Christmas to you ♪
558 00:53:26 ♪ Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say ♪
559 00:53:30 ♪ On a bright Hawaiian Christmas day ♪
560 00:53:35 ♪ That's the island greetingThat we send to you ♪
561 00:53:39 ♪ From the land where palm trees sway ♪
562 00:53:44 ♪ Here we know that Christmas ♪- Me?
563 00:53:46 ♪ Will be green and bright ♪
564 00:53:49 ♪ The sun will shine by dayAnd all the stars at night ♪
565 00:53:53 ♪ Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪
566 00:53:58 ♪ To say Merry Christmas to you ♪
567 00:54:21 ♪ Here we know that ChristmasWill be green and bright ♪
568 00:54:26 ♪ The sun will shine by dayAnd all the stars at night ♪
569 00:54:31 ♪ Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪
570 00:54:35 ♪ To say Merry Christmas to you ♪
571 00:54:39 Santy Claus!
572 00:54:42 Uncle Clark, are you Santy Claus?
573 00:54:44 What? Oh.
574 00:54:49 You scared me.
575 00:54:53 No, I'm not Santa Claus.
576 00:54:58 I wish I was.
577 00:55:01 What are you doing up, sweetheart?
578 00:55:06 - Rocky bit my thumb.- What?
579 00:55:08 Him's nervous becauseChristmas is almost here.
580 00:55:12 - Nervous or excited?- Shitting bricks.
581 00:55:17 - You shouldn't use that word.- Sorry. Shitting rocks.
582 00:55:21 I see. Good.
583 00:55:23 Him's nervous because he don'tknow if he's getting nothing.
584 00:55:30 I don't think he should be nervousand you shouldn't be either.
585 00:55:33 Because if you're good, Santa knows it.
586 00:55:37 If you believe in him and you believein your mom and you believe in your....
587 00:55:41 Your dad.
588 00:55:44 If you've been good all year round,Santa is gonna bring you something.
589 00:55:49 Sometimes I think all thatSanta crap is just bull.
590 00:55:53 If he was so real, how comewe didn't get squat last year?
591 00:55:56 We didn't do nothing wrongand we still got the shaft.
592 00:56:00 Well, I happen to know for a factthat Santa Claus is real.
593 00:56:04 And in the next couple of dayssomehow I'm gonna prove it to you.
594 00:56:11 You know, every year he comesto our house. I've seen him.
595 00:56:15 - That's true?- Cross my heart.
596 00:56:19 So....
597 00:56:22 - It's good you came to stay with us.- I love it here.
598 00:56:25 You don't gotta put on your coatto go to the bathroom.
599 00:56:28 And your house is always parkedin the same place.
600 00:56:34 I think you'd better go back to bed now.
601 00:56:39 Okay. How come you ain't sleeping?
602 00:56:44 Oh, I was just looking for something.
603 00:56:50 You didn't notice if a man came hereand delivered a letter today, did you?
604 00:56:55 Nope. How come?
605 00:56:57 Oh, just wondering.
606 00:57:05 Now you get back to bed. Come on.
607 00:57:13 Uncle Clark, are you sureyou ain't Santy Claus?
608 00:57:18 I'm sure.
609 00:57:24 I can't even afford to be an elf.
610 00:57:36 Two containers of K rations!Two containers of K rations!
611 00:57:41 Then I had Spam untilit was coming out of my ears.
612 00:57:45 Oh, bullshit!
613 00:57:56 - Aren't you having any breakfast?- I'm not in the mood.
614 00:58:01 What are you looking at?
615 00:58:05 Oh, the silent majestyof a winter's morn.
616 00:58:08 The clean, cool chill of the holiday air.
617 00:58:11 And an asshole in his bathrobe emptyinga chemical toilet into my sewer.
618 00:58:20 - Shitter was full!- Yeah.
619 00:58:23 - Have you checked our shitters, honey?- Clark, please.
620 00:58:26 - He doesn't know any better.- It's illegal.
621 00:58:29 It's a sewer. If it fills with gas, I pitythe person who lights a match near it.
622 00:58:57 Merry Christmas. Shitter was full.
623 00:59:15 I have a suspicion Cathrine and Eddiedon't have presents for their kids.
624 00:59:20 Rocky said something about Eddie tellinghim Santa wasn't coming this year.
625 00:59:26 Yeah. Ruby Sue said somethinglike that last night.
626 00:59:30 How can they have nothing for the kids?
627 00:59:31 - He's been out of work for seven years.- In seven years he couldn't find a job?
628 00:59:36 Cathrine says he's been holding outfor a management position.
629 00:59:44 - So how's the live-bait business, Eddie?- Well, I can't complain. How you doing?
630 00:59:49 Not that good, actually.
631 00:59:51 Your company kill off all thempeople over in India not long ago?
632 00:59:55 No. We missed out on that one.
633 00:59:58 You're pretty set so far as shopping goes?
634 01:00:00 Well, I can't lie toyou, Clark.
635 01:00:03 The truth is,things ain't going too good at all.
636 01:00:06 You know, I told you I borrowedthe RV from my neighbor?
637 01:00:09 Nope. It's mine.We live in it.
638 01:00:13 I had to sell off the house,the barn, the 10 acres.
639 01:00:17 All I kept was a 50-foot plot,the pigs and the worm farm.
640 01:00:24 If only I had back the moneythat me and Cathrine...
641 01:00:27 ...sent that TV preacher that wasscrewing the hockey players.
642 01:00:32 What about the kids?
643 01:00:34 - His kids can fend for themselves.- No, your kids.
644 01:00:37 Oh, well, that's the bitch of it.See, I don't know what to do.
645 01:00:41 We coasted into town on fumes.The gas money give out in Gurnee.
646 01:00:47 Eddie....
647 01:00:50 Ellen and I want to help yougive the kids a nice Christmas.
648 01:00:54 - Clark, I couldn't do that.- No, no, we insist.
649 01:00:57 Oh, no. I'm not onefor charity, now.
650 01:01:00 Oh, I know that, Eddie.This isn't charity. It's family.
651 01:01:06 - I don't know about that.- Now, come on.
652 01:01:09 If you don't tell me what they want,I'll go out and get it on my own.
653 01:01:15 Oh, boy.This is a surprise, Clark.
654 01:01:20 This is just a real nice surprise.Just a real nice surprise.
655 01:01:30 Here's a little list.Alphabetical, starting with Cathrine.
656 01:01:35 And if it wouldn't be too much,I'd like to get something for you, Clark.
657 01:01:39 Something really nice.
658 01:01:59 - Is your house on fire, Clark?- No, Bethany, those are Christmas lights.
659 01:02:03 - Don't throw me down, Clark.- I'll try not to, Aunt Bethany.
660 01:02:07 - Is this the airport, Clark?- We're here!
661 01:02:10 Hey, Gris, me and Bethanyfigured out the perfect gift for you.
662 01:02:14 Oh, Uncle Lewis, you didn'thave to buy me anything.
663 01:02:17 Damn it, Bethany, he guessed it.
664 01:02:20 Oh, that was fun.I love riding in cars.
665 01:02:25 When did you move to Florida?
666 01:02:29 Ellen, are you still dating Clark?
667 01:02:34 Oh, Aunt Bethany, you knowyou shouldn't have done that.
668 01:02:39 Oh, dear. Did I break wind?
669 01:02:42 Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany?Hell, no.
670 01:02:46 She means presents.You shouldn't have brought presents.
671 01:02:49 It isn't every day somebodymoves into a new house.
672 01:02:53 They didn't move into a new house.
673 01:02:56 - Um.... Mom?- In the living room, Russ.
674 01:03:01 This house is biggerthan your old one.
675 01:03:05 Is Rusty still in the Navy?
676 01:03:07 Aunt Bethany, why don't yougo with Francis and Cathrine...
677 01:03:11 into the living roomand say hello to everybody.
678 01:03:13 - Hello, everybody?- Just in the living room.
679 01:03:16 - I should say it?- You should say it.
680 01:03:17 - Hello, everybody!- Hello, everybody!
681 01:03:21 - Mom.- What?
682 01:03:23 - This box is meowing.- Let me see it.
683 01:03:31 - She wrapped up her cat.- Take it in the kitchen and open it up.
684 01:03:34 - Then we'll have a cat running around.- You can't leave it in the box.
685 01:03:38 Why would somebodywrap up a cat in a box?
686 01:03:40 She gets confused, Rusty. She andUncle Lewis don't have much money...
687 01:03:44 ...so she takes things from the houseand gives them as presents.
688 01:03:47 Great. Can't wait to see what I got.
689 01:03:49 This one here is leaking.
690 01:03:58 It's lime.
691 01:04:00 That's her Jell-O mold.I'll take it, Eddie.
692 01:04:02 Why don't you go back in the living roomand enjoy yourself? Russ?
693 01:04:06 Come on, boy.
694 01:04:09 Let's go find your sister.
695 01:04:29 Daddy, don't do this.
696 01:04:32 Before we begin,
697 01:04:33 since this isAunt Bethany's 80th Christmas...
698 01:04:37 ...I think she should lead usin the saying of grace.
699 01:04:40 - Aw....- Great.
700 01:04:44 What, dear?
701 01:04:47 Grace!
702 01:04:50 Grace? She passed away30 years ago.
703 01:04:54 They want youto say grace.
704 01:04:59 The blessing.
705 01:05:18 I pledge allegiance to the flagof the United States of America...
706 01:05:24 ...and to the republicfor which it stands...
707 01:05:28 ...one nation under God,indivisible...
708 01:05:30 ...with libertyand justice for all.
709 01:05:36 - Amen.- Amen.
710 01:05:43 Cathrine, if this turkey tasteshalf as good as it looks...
711 01:05:47 ...I think we're all infor a very big treat.
712 01:05:51 Thank you.
713 01:05:54 - Save the neck for me, Clark.- Okay, Eddie.
714 01:06:07 Look at that.
715 01:06:13 Sorry.
716 01:06:15 - Why are you crying?- I told you we put it in too early.
717 01:06:19 - Oh, it's just a little dry. It's fine.- It looks good to me.
718 01:06:24 Here's the heart.
719 01:07:26 Aunt Bethany?
720 01:07:29 Does your cat, by any chance,eat Jell-O?
721 01:07:33 Well, I don't know about the cat,but I sure am enjoying it.
722 01:07:50 Hey, kids?
723 01:07:52 I heard on the news that a pilot spottedSanta's sled on its way from New York.
724 01:07:58 Ooh....
725 01:08:04 You serious, Clark?
726 01:08:08 Art, you want to load me up witha little more there. It is good.
727 01:08:21 - Ed?- Yeah, Clark.
728 01:08:23 What's wrong with the dog?
729 01:08:28 Oh, he's just yacking on a bone.
730 01:08:30 He's got it up. He's all right now.
731 01:08:34 Maybe if you wouldn'tfeed him from the table.
732 01:08:38 No, no.
733 01:08:41 He's probably just nosingthrough the trash there.
734 01:08:52 Hey, Gris, if you're not doinganything constructive...
735 01:08:56 ...run into the living room,get my stogy.
736 01:09:01 Is there anything else I cando for you, Uncle Lewis?
737 01:09:04 He's an old man.This may be his last Christmas.
738 01:09:07 If he keeps it up,it will be his last Christmas.
739 01:09:44 That should be it.
740 01:09:52 Honey?
741 01:10:02 - You had too many plugs in one outlet.- Oh, God.
742 01:10:07 What is it?
743 01:10:10 Nothing. Let's go inand finish our dessert.
744 01:10:16 If that thing had nine lives,she just spent them all.
745 01:10:20 Whoo!
746 01:10:24 If you don't mind, Clark, I'd like to seeif I can fumigate this here chair.
747 01:10:28 It's a good, quality item.
748 01:10:32 If you don't mind me asking,how much it set you back?
749 01:10:37 You smell something?
750 01:10:41 Fried pussycat.
751 01:10:45 It's not the chair. It's some kindof gas coming from the sewer.
752 01:11:37 Lewis?
753 01:11:39 My tree!
754 01:11:43 So, what's the matter with you?
755 01:11:46 Look what you've done to my tree!
756 01:11:51 Lewis.
757 01:12:03 It was an ugly tree, anyway.
758 01:12:06 At least it's out of its misery.
759 01:12:08 - Dad's gonna flip out.- Nobody's gonna flip out.
760 01:12:11 We're gonna havea wonderful Christmas.
761 01:12:17 What the hell do you want?
762 01:12:18 I have a delivery forClark W. Grisman.
763 01:12:22 I was supposed to deliver it yesterdaybut it fell between the seats,
764 01:12:26 and I didn't see it.I'm sorry.
765 01:12:35 Merry Christmas.
766 01:12:38 Merry Christmas.
767 01:12:43 - I can't believe it.- What is it?
768 01:12:45 A letter confirming your reservationat the nut house?
769 01:12:49 It's from my company.
770 01:12:51 - Your bonus.- My bonus.
771 01:12:54 Oh!
772 01:12:57 That's great!
773 01:12:59 Open it, Clarkie.Open it.
774 01:13:02 Yeah, I hope it's a fortune, Clark.
775 01:13:04 I bet you do, Eddie.
776 01:13:10 I was afraid....
777 01:13:12 Are you gonna bawl all over it,or are you gonna open it?
778 01:13:17 I was gonna wait till tomorrow to tellyou all this, but what the heck.
779 01:13:23 With this bonus check,I'm putting in a swimming pool.
780 01:13:31 That's it. That's the big one!
781 01:13:35 Open it!
782 01:13:39 I'm sorry if I've been a little shortwith everyone lately.
783 01:13:43 I've been waitingfor this bonus.
784 01:13:45 To make sure the pool goes in when theground thaws I had to pay in advance.
785 01:13:49 And until this arrived I didn't have enoughin my account to cover the check.
786 01:13:54 - Tear the sucker open, Dad.- Yeah.
787 01:13:58 Drum roll. Just kidding.
788 01:14:07 If there's enough left over, I'm gonna flyyou all down here to help us dedicate it.
789 01:14:16 I can't swim, Clark.
790 01:14:18 I know that, Eddie.
791 01:14:32 Oh.
792 01:14:35 Clark, what's wrong?
793 01:14:37 Honey?
794 01:14:39 It's bigger than you expected?
795 01:14:45 Smaller?
796 01:14:49 What is it?
797 01:14:52 It's a one-year membershipin the Jelly of the Month Club.
798 01:14:56 Oh, God.
799 01:14:57 Clark, that's the gift that keepson giving the whole year.
800 01:15:03 That it is, Edward.That it is, indeed.
801 01:15:07 I'm sorry. Clark....
802 01:15:11 If this isn't the biggest punchin the face I ever got. Goddamn it!
803 01:15:17 Son.
804 01:15:31 That's good. That's good.That's good.
805 01:15:38 Ahh.... Hey!
806 01:15:42 If any of you are looking for anylast-minute gift ideas for me, I have one.
807 01:15:47 I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss,right here, tonight.
808 01:15:51 I want him brought from his happyholiday slumber on Melody Lane...
809 01:15:55 ...with all the other rich people,and I want him right here.
810 01:15:58 With a big ribbon on his head.
811 01:16:00 I wanna look him straightin the eye and tell him...
812 01:16:03 ...what a cheap, lying, no good,rotten, four-flushing...
813 01:16:06 ...low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating,inbred, overstuffed...
814 01:16:09 ...ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing,brainless, dickless, hopeless...
815 01:16:14 ...heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed,stiff-legged, spotty-lipped...
816 01:16:18 ...worm-headed sackof monkey shit he is!
817 01:16:21 Hallelujah! Holy shit!Where's the Tylenol?
818 01:16:39 - He's got that crazed look in his eye.- We should've gone to Hawaii.
819 01:16:44 Turn that thing offand get in the house!
820 01:16:47 I'll talk to him, Mom.
821 01:16:53 You know, Dad.I've been thinking.
822 01:16:57 Good talk, Dad.
823 01:17:04 Aren't you a bit sorry we didn'tget a Christmas tree?
824 01:17:07 Even though they're dirty andmessy and corny and clichéd.
825 01:17:11 Well, where you gonna find a treeat this hour on Christmas Eve?
826 01:17:34 What's the matter?
827 01:17:37 Was that really necessary?
828 01:17:41 - We needed a tree.- May I remind you that--
829 01:17:43 That this was all my idea. No.No, no. I'm well aware of that, honey.
830 01:17:48 Could you just keep it in mindthe next time you go berserk?
831 01:17:52 I didn't go berserk.I simply solved a problem.
832 01:17:57 We needed a coffin.I mean, a tree.
833 01:18:02 There are no lots openon Christmas Eve.
834 01:18:04 Lewis burned down my tree,so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà.
835 01:18:08 - Are you okay?- I'm fine, honey.
836 01:18:36 Fixed the newelpost.
837 01:19:00 What's that sound?
838 01:19:24 Do you hear it?It's a funny squeaky sound.
839 01:19:30 You couldn't hear a dump truckdriving through a nitroglycerin plant.
840 01:19:34 Shh. I hear it too.
841 01:19:46 I don't hear it anymore.
842 01:20:01 What was it?! Oh, my God!
843 01:20:10 Quiet! Shut up!
844 01:20:25 Mom, don't move.
845 01:20:28 We can't let it get outof the living room.
846 01:20:31 Where's Eddie? He usually eatsthese goddamn things.
847 01:20:34 Oh, not recently, Clark.
848 01:20:36 He read thatsquirrels were high in cholesterol.
849 01:20:40 Thank you, Cathrine.
850 01:20:42 I'll try and trap it.
851 01:20:44 - Russ!- Right here, Dad.
852 01:20:47 Oh, there you are.
853 01:20:49 Go get the hammer.
854 01:20:51 Clark, what do you needa hammer for?
855 01:20:53 I'm gonna catch it in the coatand smack it with the hammer.
856 01:21:04 I'm going in with him.
857 01:21:09 Nora?
858 01:21:12 - Nora!- Is it gone?
859 01:21:15 It probably got scaredand ran back into the tree.
860 01:21:18 Squirrel!
861 01:21:59 You just march right over thereand slug that creep in the face.
862 01:22:03 I can't just attack someone.
863 01:22:05 If you're not man enough to putan end to this shit, then I am.
864 01:22:21 Ha!
865 01:22:30 Gone.
866 01:22:37 Oh, my God!
867 01:22:42 What happened to you?
868 01:22:51 Beautiful. God.
869 01:22:56 Where do you think you're going?Nobody's leaving.
870 01:22:59 Nobody's walking outon this family Christmas.
871 01:23:02 No, no. We're all in this together.
872 01:23:05 This is a full-blown, four-alarmholiday emergency here.
873 01:23:08 We're gonna press on, and we're gonnahave the hap-hap-happiest Christmas...
874 01:23:12 ...since Bing Crosby tap-dancedwith Danny Kaye.
875 01:23:15 And when Santa squeezes his assdown that chimney tonight...
876 01:23:18 ...he's gonna find the jolliest bunchof assholes this side of the nut house.
877 01:23:22 You're goofy.
878 01:23:24 - Don't piss me off, Art.- Clark?
879 01:23:26 - It's over.- Not according to Santa's watch.
880 01:23:29 - Come on, son.- Stay out of this, Dad.
881 01:23:31 Clark, I think it's bestif everyone just goes home.
882 01:23:34 - Before things get worse.- Worse?
883 01:23:38 How could theyget any worse?
884 01:23:39 Take a look around you, Ellen.We're at the threshold of hell.
885 01:24:01 Son?
886 01:24:04 I love you.We all love you.
887 01:24:07 But this is a terrible night.Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster.
888 01:24:11 You losing your temper with the wholefamily only makes things worse.
889 01:24:15 You're too good a fatherto act like this.
890 01:24:19 In years to come, you'll want your familyto remember all the love you gave us.
891 01:24:24 And how hard you triedto make the perfect Christmas.
892 01:24:27 - Well, I just--- You just cocked it up.
893 01:24:31 Oh, it's okay. It happens.
894 01:24:37 - Our holidays were always such a mess.- Oh, yeah.
895 01:24:41 How did youget through it?
896 01:24:43 I had a lot of helpfrom Jack Daniels.
897 01:24:55 I love you.
898 01:24:59 - Dad?- Yeah.
899 01:25:01 Are you gonna reciteThe Night Before Christmas?
900 01:25:04 No. It's your house.It's your Christmas.
901 01:25:09 I'm retiring.
902 01:25:12 "The children were nestledall snug in their beds...
903 01:25:15 ...while visions of sugarplumsdanced in their heads.
904 01:25:18 And Mama in her kerchiefand I in my cap...
905 01:25:21 ...had just settled our brainsfor a long winter's nap.
906 01:25:24 When out on the lawn,there arose such a clatter...
907 01:25:28 ...I sprang from my bed to seewhat was the matter.
908 01:25:30 Away to the window,I flew like a flash...
909 01:25:33 ...tore open the shuttersand threw up the sash.
910 01:25:35 The moon on the new-fallen snow gavea luster of midday to objects below.
911 01:25:40 When what to my wondering eyes shouldappear but a miniature sleigh and...."
912 01:25:46 And Eddie with a man in hispajamas with a dog chain...
913 01:25:50 ...tied to his wrists and ankles.What the--?
914 01:25:55 Stay here.
915 01:26:01 Ho, ho, ho.Merry Christmas, Clark.
916 01:26:05 You about ready to do some kissing?
917 01:26:10 Yes, officer, it seemsmy husband's been abducted.
918 01:26:13 The man was...
919 01:26:15 ...wearing a blue leisure suit,and the plates were from Kansas.
920 01:26:20 He was a huge, beastly,bulging man and--
921 01:26:23 I've never been treatedlike this in my life.
922 01:26:26 I'm sorry. This is our family'sfirst kidnapping.
923 01:26:29 You're fired. And where's the phone?I'm calling the police.
924 01:26:33 Hey, just hold your wad there, fella.Clark had nothing to do with this.
925 01:26:37 This here was my idea.
926 01:26:39 All right. He's still fired,and you are going to jail.
927 01:26:43 Oh, no. Eddie, it was my fault.
928 01:26:47 I lost my temperwhen I got my bonus.
929 01:26:50 - I guess I said things I shouldn't have.- Bonus?
930 01:26:53 How did you get a bonus?I cut out bonuses this year.
931 01:26:56 Yeah. Thanks for telling us.
932 01:26:59 I was expecting a check.Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club.
933 01:27:03 Seventeen years with the company. I'vegotten a bonus every year but this one.
934 01:27:07 You don't wanna give bonuses, fine!
935 01:27:09 But when people count on themas part of their salary...
936 01:27:12 - ...well, what you did just plain--- Sucks.
937 01:27:17 Thank you, Russ.
938 01:27:20 My...
939 01:27:22 ...cousin-in-law, whose heartis bigger than his brain--
940 01:27:25 I appreciate that, Clark.
941 01:27:28 Is innocent. I'll be more than happyto take the rap on this.
942 01:27:31 On behalf of myself and every otheremployee you rear-ended this Christmas.
943 01:27:54 Look...
944 01:27:57 ...sometimes things lookgood on paper...
945 01:28:01 ...but lose their luster when you seehow it affects real folks.
946 01:28:06 I guess a healthy bottom linedoesn't mean much...
947 01:28:08 ...if to get it you have to hurtthe ones you depend on.
948 01:28:13 It's people that make the difference.Little people, like you.
949 01:28:20 So, Carl...
950 01:28:24 ...whatever you got last year...
951 01:28:27 ...add 20 percent.
952 01:28:31 Our pool!
953 01:28:33 Clark?
954 01:28:37 Dad.
955 01:28:38 ♪ Here comes Santa ClausHere comes Santa Claus ♪
956 01:28:41 ♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
957 01:28:43 ♪ Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer ♪
958 01:28:45 ♪ Pullin' on the reins ♪
959 01:28:48 ♪ Bells are ringin', children singin' ♪
960 01:28:50 ♪ All is merry and bright ♪
961 01:28:53 ♪ So hang your stockingsAnd say your prayers ♪
962 01:28:55 ♪ 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
963 01:28:58 ♪ Here comes Santa ClausHere comes Santa Claus ♪
964 01:29:00 ♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
965 01:29:03 ♪ He's got a bag that's filled with toys ♪
966 01:29:05 ♪ For boys and girls again ♪
967 01:29:08 ♪ Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle ♪
968 01:29:10 ♪ Oh, what a beautiful sight ♪
969 01:29:13 ♪ So jump in bed, and cover your head ♪
970 01:29:15 ♪ 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
971 01:29:22 Go away, Todd.
972 01:29:25 If you wanna come in, you are gonnahave to break down the goddamn door!
973 01:29:33 ♪ Here comes Santa ClausHere comes Santa Claus ♪
974 01:29:35 ♪ Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
975 01:29:38 ♪ He'll come around when chimes ring outIt's Christmas time again ♪
976 01:29:41 Merry Christmas to alland to all a good night!
977 01:29:44 ♪ Peace on earth will come to allIf we just follow the light ♪
978 01:29:48 ♪ So let's give thanks to the Lord above'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight ♪♪
979 01:29:56 Freeze!
980 01:29:59 Not you, them!Them!
981 01:30:11 This way, please.
982 01:30:15 - I think you've made a terrible mistake.- I told you to freeze, mister.
983 01:30:19 May we blink?
984 01:30:24 Frank.
985 01:30:26 - Helen!- Thank God. You're all right.
986 01:30:28 Oh, I'm fine.I'm just fine.
987 01:30:30 It was a big misunderstanding tonight.
988 01:30:32 Excuse me. Would you andMrs. Shirley like to step outside...
989 01:30:36 ...so we can take careof business here?
990 01:30:38 There's no business.I'm not pressing any charges.
991 01:30:41 - What?- It was a mistake.
992 01:30:43 Mistake? Frank, honey,you were kidnapped.
993 01:30:47 I did something I shouldn't have,and these people called me on it.
994 01:30:51 This is Clark Griswoldand his family.
995 01:30:54 Welcome to our home.
996 01:30:57 What's left of it.
997 01:30:58 - Release B Squad.- What's going on here?
998 01:31:01 Remember I was toying with the notionof suspending the Christmas bonuses?
999 01:31:07 You didn't. Well, of all the cheap,lousy ways to save a buck!
1000 01:31:12 That's pretty low, mister. If I hada rubber hose, I would beat you to--
1001 01:31:15 I changed my mind.
1002 01:31:18 I'm reinstating the bonuses.
1003 01:31:20 Look!
1004 01:31:23 Look, look!
1005 01:31:27 Look!
1006 01:31:29 Ruby Sue, sweetheart.
1007 01:31:32 Clark, honey.
1008 01:31:35 - It's Santa Claus.- What? What's wrong?
1009 01:31:39 - What?- She thinks she sees Santa.
1010 01:31:42 - Uncle Clark, it's Santa Claus.- No, it's the Christmas star.
1011 01:31:47 And that's all that matters tonight.
1012 01:31:50 Not bonuses or giftsor turkeys or trees.
1013 01:31:55 See, kids...
1014 01:31:57 ...it means something differentto everybody.
1015 01:32:02 Now I know what it means to me.
1016 01:32:05 That ain't the frigging Christmas star.
1017 01:32:08 It's a lighton the sewage treatment plant.
1018 01:32:11 Sewer gas.
1019 01:32:15 Don't drop that!
1020 01:32:26 ♪ And the rocket's red glare ♪
1021 01:32:29 ♪ The bombs bursting in air ♪
1022 01:32:33 ♪ Gave proof through the night ♪
1023 01:32:37 ♪ That our flag was still there ♪
1024 01:32:41 ♪ Oh, say does thatStar-spangled banner yet wave ♪
1025 01:32:50 ♪ O'er the land of the free ♪
1026 01:32:56 ♪ And the home of the brave! ♪♪
1027 01:33:05 Play ball!
1028 01:33:09 ♪ Hail the new year, lads and lasses ♪
1029 01:33:12 ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪♪
1030 01:33:14 Merry Christmas, Sparky.
1031 01:33:17 Merry Christmas, honey.
1032 01:33:21 Come here.
1033 01:33:48 I did it.
1034 01:34:06 ♪ It's that timeChristmas time is here ♪
1035 01:34:11 ♪ Everybody knows there's notA better time of year ♪
1036 01:34:17 ♪ Hear that sleighSanta's on his way ♪
1037 01:34:22 ♪ Hip, Hip HoorayFor Christamas Vacation ♪
1038 01:34:28 ♪ Gotta a ton of stuff to celebrate(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
1039 01:34:34 ♪ Now it's getting closer I can't wait(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang) ♪
1040 01:34:39 ♪ Gonna make this holidayAs perfect as can be ♪
1041 01:34:45 ♪ Just wait and seeThis Christmas Vacation ♪
1042 01:34:51 ♪ This old houseSure is looking good ♪
1043 01:34:56 ♪ Got ourselves the finest snowmanIn the neighborhood ♪
1044 01:35:02 ♪ Ain't it funAlways on the run ♪
1045 01:35:08 ♪ That's how it's doneOn Christmas Vacation ♪
1046 01:35:13 ♪ Let's all deck the halls and light the lights(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
1047 01:35:19 ♪ Get a toasty fire buring bright(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang) ♪
1048 01:35:25 ♪ Give St. Nick the warmest welcomeThat he's every had ♪
1049 01:35:30 ♪ We're so glad it's Christmas Vacation ♪
1050 01:35:36 ♪ And when the nightsAre peacful and serene ♪
1051 01:35:42 ♪ We can cuddle upAnd do our Chirstmas dreaming ♪
1052 01:35:53 ♪ (Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
1053 01:35:59 ♪ (Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang)Oh, woo ♪
1054 01:36:08 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1055 01:36:13 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1056 01:36:16 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1057 01:36:18 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1058 01:36:21 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1059 01:36:24 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1060 01:36:27 ♪ Christmas Vacation ♪
1061 01:36:30 ♪ We're so glad it's Christmas vacation ♪
1062 01:36:35 ♪ Fa, la, la, la, la and ho, ho, ho(Jing-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ling) ♪
1063 01:36:41 ♪ Jingle, jangle, jingle as we go(Jang-a-lang-a-lang-a-lang-lang) ♪
1064 01:36:47 ♪ Let the spirit of the seasonCarry us away ♪
1065 01:36:52 ♪ Hip, hip hoorayFor Christmas Vacation ♪♪