乐队男孩 The Boys in the Band(2020)(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:01:11 ♪ Don't you ever feel sad ♪
2 00:01:15 Come on.
3 00:01:17 ♪ Lean on me when times are bad ♪
4 00:01:19 Asshole!
5 00:01:21 ♪ When the day comes ♪
6 00:01:23 Hey!
7 00:01:24 ♪ And you're down ♪
8 00:01:26 ♪ In a river of trouble, babyAnd I've got to swim out ♪
9 00:01:30 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
10 00:01:36 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
11 00:01:40 ♪ I'm on my way, your lover ♪
12 00:01:45 ♪ If you get cold, I'll be your cover ♪
13 00:01:50 ♪ Don't have to worry, 'cause I'm here ♪
14 00:01:55 Sorry about that.
15 00:01:56 ♪ Don't have to suffer, baby'Cause I was here ♪
16 00:02:00 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
17 00:02:05 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
18 00:02:10 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
19 00:02:15 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
20 00:02:20 ♪ Reach out to me ♪
21 00:02:24 ♪ For your satisfaction ♪
22 00:02:29 ♪ All you have to do is call my name ♪
23 00:02:34 ♪ For quick reaction ♪
24 00:02:36 ♪ Hey, yeah, yeah ♪
25 00:02:39 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
26 00:02:43 Enjoy your stay.
27 00:03:01 ♪ Don't you ever feel sad ♪
28 00:03:05 ♪ Lean on me when the times are bad ♪
29 00:03:09 ♪ And when the day comes and you're down ♪
30 00:03:14 ♪ In a river of trouble, baby ♪
31 00:03:17 ♪ And I've got to swim out ♪
32 00:03:19 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
33 00:03:24 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
34 00:03:29 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
35 00:03:34 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
36 00:03:39 ♪ Hold on, I'm comin' ♪
37 00:03:47 ♪ I'm comin' ♪
38 00:03:54 Coming!
39 00:03:58 Come on. Coming, coming, coming, coming.
40 00:04:01 -Hello. Hello?
41 00:04:03 Shoot. God!
42 00:04:10 Hello! Oh, Jesus Christ!
43 00:04:13 Listen, what do you recommendfor a catatonic fit in a parking garage?
44 00:04:16 I… Ugh, ask your doctor.
45 00:04:18 That's why I'm calling. He just canceled.
46 00:04:20 Can I come over?
47 00:04:22 Donald, you're abouta day and a half early.
48 00:04:24 -What am I supposed to do?-I just got in.
49 00:04:26 I'm not ready for you yet.Why did the prick cancel?
50 00:04:29 I don't know.He said he was just too sick.
51 00:04:30 Why don't you tell himyou're sicker than he is?
52 00:04:32 He already knows that.
53 00:04:34 Okay, Donald, come on over,but bring a bag of ice.
54 00:04:37 Please do not give me any responsibility.
55 00:04:39 At this moment, I cannot copewith anything weightier
56 00:04:41 than the directions to your apartment.
57 00:04:43 If you want a cold martini whenyou get here, you'll cope with some ice.
58 00:04:46 -I'll cope with some ice.-And hurry up.
59 00:05:07 I gotta go.
60 00:05:13 I was saying hello to an old friend.
61 00:05:22 What?
62 00:05:28 10th and Broadway, please.
63 00:06:13 Coming! Jesus Christ.
64 00:06:22 -How did you get inside?-The street door was open.
65 00:06:25 -You want a drink?-Not until I've had my shower.
66 00:06:29 I want something to work out today.
67 00:06:32 I'm gonna try to relaxand enjoy something.
68 00:06:46 You in a blue funk because of the doctor?
69 00:06:48 Christ, no.I was depressed long before I got there.
70 00:06:52 This should pick you up.
71 00:06:53 I went shopping today,and I bought all sorts of goodies. Look.
72 00:06:59 -Sandalwood soap.-I feel better already.
73 00:07:02 -Mm-hmm.-What we got here?
74 00:07:03 Oh! Your very own toothbrush,
75 00:07:06 because I am sick to deathof you using mine.
76 00:07:08 -How do you think I feel?-You've had worse things in your mouth.
77 00:07:12 Oh, also for you,something called "Control."
78 00:07:15 Notice nowhere is it called "hairspray."
79 00:07:17 Just simply "Control"and the words "for men"
80 00:07:20 written about 37 timesall over the goddamn can.
81 00:07:23 Yeah, it's called Butch Assurance.
82 00:07:25 Well, it's still hairspray,no matter if they call it "balls."
83 00:07:28 It's all on your very own shelf,
84 00:07:30 which is to be labeledDonald's Saturday Night Douche Kit.
85 00:07:40 By the way, are you spending the night?
86 00:07:42 Nope, I'm driving back.
87 00:07:45 I still get very itchywhen I'm in this town too long.
88 00:07:48 Why didn't the prick call you and cancel?
89 00:07:50 Suppose you'd drivenall this way for nothing?
90 00:07:52 Why do you keep calling him a prick?
91 00:07:54 Who ever heard of an analyst
92 00:07:55 having a session with a patientfor two hours on a Saturday evening?
93 00:07:58 He simply prefers to take Mondays off.
94 00:08:01 He works late on Saturdaytaking Monday off?
95 00:08:04 What is he,a psychiatrist or a hairdresser?
96 00:08:07 Actually, he's both.
97 00:08:08 He shrinks my head and then combs me out.
98 00:08:11 Besides, I had to come in townfor a birthday party anyway, right?
99 00:08:15 Oh, you had to remind me.
100 00:08:17 God, if there is one thingI'm not ready for,
101 00:08:19 it is five screaming queenssinging "Happy Birthday."
102 00:08:22 -Who's coming?-I think you know everybody anyway.
103 00:08:25 I mean, the same old tired fairiesyou've seen around since day one.
104 00:08:30 Actually, you know what?
105 00:08:31 There will be seven,counting Harold and you and me.
106 00:08:34 Are you calling mea screaming queen or a tired fairy?
107 00:08:37 Oh, I beg your pardon.
108 00:08:38 There will be six tired,screaming fairy queens
109 00:08:41 and one anxious queer.
110 00:08:43 I'll be out of your way in a second.I've only got one more thing to do.
111 00:08:47 Surgery? So early in the evening?
112 00:08:50 Sunt.
113 00:08:51 -That's French with a cedilla.
114 00:08:53 I've got to comb my hairfor the 37th time.
115 00:08:57 Hair, that's singular.
116 00:08:59 My hair, without exaggeration,is clearly falling on the floor.
117 00:09:03 You're totally paranoid.You've got plenty of hair.
118 00:09:05 No, what you see before youis a masterpiece of deception.
119 00:09:10 My hairline starts about here.
120 00:09:12 All this is just tortured forward.
121 00:09:16 Look.
122 00:09:18 That's not good, huh?
123 00:09:20 It's not the greatest.
124 00:09:24 - It's called getting old.
125 00:09:28 Oh, well.One thing you can say for masturbation:
126 00:09:33 you certainly don't haveto look your best.
127 00:09:36 So what are you so depressed about?I mean, other than the usual everything?
128 00:09:40 I really don't want to get into it.
129 00:09:43 Well, Donald,if you're not going to tell me,
130 00:09:46 then how can we havea conversation in depth?
131 00:09:48 A warm, rewarding, meaningful friendship.
132 00:09:51 Up yours.
133 00:09:53 It's just that today I finally realizedI was raised to be a failure.
134 00:09:58 I was groomed for it.
135 00:09:59 Oh, Christ. How sick analysts must get
136 00:10:03 of hearing how Mommy and Daddymade their darlin' into a fairy.
137 00:10:06 It's beyond just that now.
138 00:10:08 Today I finally began to see
139 00:10:10 how some of the other piecesof the puzzle relate to them.
140 00:10:13 My neurotic compulsion to not succeed.
141 00:10:17 I realize it was always when I failedthat Evelyn loved me the most.
142 00:10:22 Because it displeased Walt,who wanted perfection.
143 00:10:26 I began to fail on purpose to get love.
144 00:10:32 Failure is the only thingwith which I feel at home
145 00:10:34 because it's what I was taught at home.
146 00:10:37 No.
147 00:10:39 ♪ You better chase all the blues away ♪
148 00:10:42 ♪ Shout hallelujah, come on… ♪
149 00:10:45 What is more boring than a queendoing a Judy Garland imitation?
150 00:10:49 A queen doing a Bette Davis imitation.
151 00:10:52 Where'd you get that sweater?
152 00:10:54 Oh, this clever little shopon the Right Bank called Hermès.
153 00:10:57 I work my ass off
154 00:10:58 for 45 lousy dollars a week,scrubbing floors,
155 00:11:02 and you waltz aroundthrowing cashmere sweaters on them.
156 00:11:06 The one on the floorin the john is vicuña.
157 00:11:07 Oh, I beg your pardon.
158 00:11:09 You could get a job doing something else.
159 00:11:11 Nobody holds a gun to your headto be a charwoman.
160 00:11:15 That is, how you say, your neurosis.
161 00:11:17 Gee, and I thought it's why I was born.
162 00:11:19 Besides, just becauseI wear expensive clothes,
163 00:11:22 doesn't mean they're paid for.
164 00:11:24 That is, how you say, your neurosis.
165 00:11:28 However, thanks to the silver screen,your neurosis has got style.
166 00:11:32 It takes a certain flair to squanderone's unemployment check at Joe Allen.
167 00:11:37 What's so snappyabout being head over heels in debt?
168 00:11:41 The only thing smart about it
169 00:11:42 is the ingenious waysI dodge the bill collectors.
170 00:11:46 Yep, come to think of it,
171 00:11:48 you're the typethat gives faggots a bad name.
172 00:11:51 Oh, and you, Donald,you are a credit to the homosexual.
173 00:11:54 You're a reliable, hard-working,floor-scrubbing, bill-paying fag
174 00:11:59 who don't owe nothing to nobody.
175 00:12:00 -I am a model fairy.
176 00:12:03 You think it's just nifty
177 00:12:04 how I've always flitted from Beverly Hillsto Rome to Acapulco to Amsterdam,
178 00:12:11 picking up a lot of one-night stands,
179 00:12:13 a lot of custom-made duds along the trail?
180 00:12:16 I'm here to tell youthe only place in all those miles,
181 00:12:20 the only place that I've ever been happywas on the goddamn plane.
182 00:12:26 Run, charge.
183 00:12:28 Run, buy, borrow, make, spend.
184 00:12:32 Run, squander, beg.
185 00:12:35 Run, run, run. Waste, waste…
186 00:12:40 waste.
187 00:12:43 And why?
188 00:12:53 Finis. Applause.
189 00:12:59 -Hey.-Don't. You don't have to.
190 00:13:02 Hey, come on.
191 00:13:06 Oh, there's nothing quite as goodas feeling sorry for yourself, is there?
192 00:13:10 Nothing.
193 00:13:12 Okay.
194 00:13:17 I adore cheap sentiment.
195 00:13:57 Backstage, Funny Girl.
196 00:13:59 -Hi, it's Alan.-Alan?
197 00:14:02 Oh, my God.
198 00:14:04 Alan, oh, I don't believe it.How are you? Where are you?
199 00:14:08 I'm here… on business.
200 00:14:11 Listen, what are you doing tonight?
201 00:14:13 Oh, I'm tied up tonight.Alan, tonight's no good for me.
202 00:14:16 Oh, I'm tied up, too, but I thoughtI might just drop by for a drink.
203 00:14:21 What, you mean now?
204 00:14:24 Well, Alan, old boy, listen to me.
205 00:14:26 It is a friend's birthday,and I am having a few people in.
206 00:14:29 -Oh.-And I'm sorry
207 00:14:31 I can't ask you to join us. It's just…
208 00:14:33 It just wouldn't work out,kiddo, you know?
209 00:14:36 And I'd hate to just see youfor ten minutes
210 00:14:38 -and then have to say goodbye.- Mickey, please?
211 00:14:42 Alan?
212 00:14:44 -Mickey?-Alan…
213 00:14:48 What's wrong?
214 00:14:48 I've gotta see youabout something right away.
215 00:14:54 Okay, Alan, come on over.
216 00:14:56 No, it's perfectly all right.
217 00:14:58 Just come on over, have a quick drink,
218 00:15:00 -but-but hurry up.-Same old address?
219 00:15:03 -Yeah.-Okay.
220 00:15:10 Well…
221 00:15:13 am I stunning?
222 00:15:14 You're absolutely stunning.
223 00:15:16 You look like shit,but I'm absolutely stunned.
224 00:15:19 Your grapes are, how you say, sour.Where's my drink?
225 00:15:22 I didn't make it. My old roommatefrom Georgetown just called.
226 00:15:25 -Alan what's-his-name?-McCarthy.
227 00:15:27 He's up here from Washingtonon business or something,
228 00:15:30 and he's on his way here.
229 00:15:31 I hope he knowsthe lyrics to "Happy Birthday."
230 00:15:34 Listen, asshole.What am I going to do? He's straight.
231 00:15:38 What'll he feel about this freak showI've got booked for dinner?
232 00:15:41 Ah, Christ, is that good.
233 00:15:43 He absolutelylost his spring on the phone.
234 00:15:46 He started crying,and that's not his style at all.
235 00:15:49 Alan's so goddamned pulled together,
236 00:15:51 he wouldn't show any emotionif he were in a plane crash.
237 00:15:53 What am I going to do?
238 00:15:55 Are you suddenly ashamed of your friends?
239 00:15:57 Donald, you are the only person I knowof whom I am truly ashamed.
240 00:16:02 Some people have different standardsfrom yours and mine, you know?
241 00:16:06 And if we don't acknowledge them,
242 00:16:08 then we're just as backwardand narrow-minded as we think they are.
243 00:16:12 You know what you are, Michael?You're a real person.
244 00:16:15 Thank you. Fuck you.
245 00:16:19 Do you want some cracked crab?
246 00:16:21 No, thanks.
247 00:16:23 How could you ever have been friendswith a bore like that?
248 00:16:26 Well, believe it or not,there was a time in my life
249 00:16:29 when I didn't go aroundannouncing that I was a faggot.
250 00:16:34 That must have beenbefore speech replaced sign language.
251 00:16:37 Don't give me any static on that score.I didn't come out until I left college.
252 00:16:41 Seems to methat the first time we tricked,
253 00:16:44 we met in a gay bar on Third Avenueduring your junior year.
254 00:16:48 Cunt.
255 00:16:49 Thought you'd never say it.
256 00:17:13 Don't wait up.
257 00:17:18 Hi, doll face.
258 00:17:20 -You look cute.-Always.
259 00:17:22 -Hello, Emory.-Hi.
260 00:17:25 You know I hate comingbetween the two of you like this.
261 00:17:28 That makes one of us.
262 00:17:32 This is gonna be fun.
263 00:17:35 Oh, great.
264 00:17:37 Well, that's all we need, for it to rain.
265 00:17:39 -You want some more club soda?-What?
266 00:17:41 There's nothingbut club soda in that glass.
267 00:17:43 I've been watching youfor several Saturdays.
268 00:17:46 You've actually stopped drinking,haven't you?
269 00:17:48 And smoking, too.
270 00:17:49 -How long's it been?-Five weeks.
271 00:17:50 -That's amazing.-I found God.
272 00:17:53 -It is amazing. For you?-Or is God dead?
273 00:17:55 I could always tellwhen you were getting high. One way.
274 00:17:59 -I'd get hostile.
275 00:18:02 Hey, what made you stop? The analyst?
276 00:18:04 Oh. He certainly had a lot to do with it.
277 00:18:08 Mainly I didn't think I could get throughanother morning-after ick attack.
278 00:18:11 Morning-after what?
279 00:18:12 Icks! Anxiety, guilt, unfathomable guilt.
280 00:18:18 From the secondyour eyes open and you say,
281 00:18:20 "Oh, my God! What'd I do last night?"
282 00:18:22 Mmm, tell me about it.
283 00:18:23 And then that struggleto survive till lunch…
284 00:18:26 -Mmm.-…where you have a double Bloody Mary.
285 00:18:28 That is, if you've waited till lunch.
286 00:18:30 And then you're half pissed againand useless for the rest of the afternoon.
287 00:18:34 So you hang on till cocktail time,
288 00:18:36 and by then, you're readyfor whatever the night holds,
289 00:18:39 which hopefully is another party,
290 00:18:41 and that whole goddamn cyclestarts all over again.
291 00:18:46 Well, I have beenon that merry-go-round long enough,
292 00:18:49 and I either had to get offor die of centrifugal force.
293 00:18:55 Oh, Joe College has finally arrived.
294 00:18:58 All right, Donald, listen to me.
295 00:19:00 Don't insult me by giving me any lectureon acceptable social behavior.
296 00:19:03 -I promise
297 00:19:04 to sit with my legs spread apartand keep my voice in a deep register.
298 00:19:08 Donald, you are a real card-carrying cunt.
299 00:19:18 All right. This is a raid.
300 00:19:20 Everybody's under arrest.
301 00:19:24 Hello, darling. Connie Casserole.Oh, Mary, don't ask.
302 00:19:26 Hi, Emory. Come on,you can put it in the kitchen.
303 00:19:29 -Hi, Hank. Larry.- Who is this exotic woman?
304 00:19:32 My dear, I thought you had perished!
305 00:19:34 Where have you been hidingyour classically chiseled features?
306 00:19:36 I don't live in the city anymore.
307 00:19:38 I'll take those.Emory, where's your present?
308 00:19:40 It's arriving later.
309 00:19:43 Larry.
310 00:19:45 Larry. Larry!
311 00:19:47 -What?-Give Michael the gift.
312 00:19:50 Oh, here.
313 00:19:52 Louder, so my motherin Philadelphia can hear you.
314 00:19:55 -You were standing there in a trance.-Was I?
315 00:19:57 -You both know Donald, don't you?- Sure. Nice to see you.
316 00:20:00 -Hi.-Nice to meet you.
317 00:20:01 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd met.
318 00:20:03 Well, we haven't exactly met, but we've…
319 00:20:07 -Hi.-Hi.
320 00:20:10 But you've what?
321 00:20:13 Seen each other before.
322 00:20:15 Oh, that sounds murky.
323 00:20:16 You've never met,but you've seen each other.
324 00:20:18 -What was wrong with the way I said it?-They're gonna have their first fight.
325 00:20:21 The first onesince we got out of the taxi.
326 00:20:23 - Where did you find this trash?-Downstairs, leaning against a lamppost.
327 00:20:27 With an orchid behind my ear
328 00:20:29 and big, wet lipspainted over the lip line.
329 00:20:32 -Oh! Just like Maria Montez.-Oh, please.
330 00:20:35 Hey, what have you got against Maria?She was a good woman.
331 00:20:38 Hold on. Everybody, listen.
332 00:20:40 This old college friend of mineis in town,
333 00:20:43 and he's stopping by for a fast drinkon his way to dinner,
334 00:20:45 but he's straight, so…
335 00:20:47 Straight? If he's the one I met,he's as straight as the yellow brick road.
336 00:20:51 No, you met Justin Stuart.
337 00:20:53 I don't remember meeting a Justin Stuart.
338 00:20:56 -Of course you don't, dope. I met him.-This is someone else.
339 00:20:59 Yes, Alan McCarthy,a very close total stranger.
340 00:21:03 It is not that I carewhat he would think of me. Really.
341 00:21:06 It's just he's not ready for it,you know, and he never will be.
342 00:21:10 -You understand that, don't you, Hank?-Sure.
343 00:21:14 Do you really thinkhe doesn't know about you?
344 00:21:16 If there is the slightest suspicion,he's never let on.
345 00:21:18 -What's he had, a lobotomy?
346 00:21:20 Hey, I was super carefulwhen I was in college,
347 00:21:24 and I still am whenever I see him.
348 00:21:26 -I don't know why, but I am.-Tilt.
349 00:21:28 I was just like Alanwhen I was in college.
350 00:21:32 I was very large in the dating department.
351 00:21:34 I wore nothingbut those constipated Ivy League clothes,
352 00:21:38 and those, oh, ten-pound cordovan shoes.
353 00:21:45 -No offense.-Quite all right.
354 00:21:48 I butched it up quite a bit,and I didn't think I was lying to myself.
355 00:21:52 I really thought I was straight.
356 00:21:54 I know damn well I did not come outuntil after I graduated.
357 00:21:57 What about all those weekendsup from school?
358 00:21:59 Oh. I still wasn't out.
359 00:22:01 I was still in theChrist-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome.
360 00:22:04 "Christ, I was so drunk last night,I don't remember a thing."
361 00:22:07 That's it.
362 00:22:08 You were just guiltybecause you were Catholic.
363 00:22:10 -That's all.-That is not true.
364 00:22:12 The Christ-was-I-drunk-last-night syndromeknows no religion,
365 00:22:16 although there's a high percentageof it among Mormons.
366 00:22:19 Who do you have to fuckto get a drink around here?
367 00:22:22 Will you light somewhere?
368 00:22:24 We all somehow managedto justify our actions in those days.
369 00:22:29 You know, I later found outeven Justin Stuart, my closest friend--
370 00:22:33 Other than Alan McCarthy.
371 00:22:34 Zip it. He was doing the same thing.
372 00:22:37 Only Justin was goingto Boston on weekends.
373 00:22:40 You see, in theChrist-was-I-drunk-last-night syndrome,
374 00:22:43 you really are drunk.That part of it is true.
375 00:22:45 It's just you also do remember everything.
376 00:22:50 Well, a lot of guyshave to get loaded to have sex.
377 00:22:54 So I've been told.
378 00:22:56 Donald…
379 00:22:58 …if you remember,the first time we made it,
380 00:23:01 I was so drunk I could hardly stand up.
381 00:23:03 You were so drunk,you could hardly get it up.
382 00:23:07 -Christ, I was so drunk, I don't remember.-Oh, bullshit. You remember.
383 00:23:11 -Oh, Jesus. All right, that's Alan.
384 00:23:14 Please, everyone do me a favor.Cool it for the few minutes he's here.
385 00:23:18 Anything for a sis, Mary.
386 00:23:19 Emory, no!
387 00:23:21 I'm sorry, but that is exactlywhat I'm talking about.
388 00:23:24 -No camping.-Sorry.
389 00:23:26 Think the Giants are gonna winthe pennant this year?
390 00:23:28 -Fuckin' A, Mac.
391 00:23:31 -Oh, hey, Bernard.-Hey, baby.
392 00:23:34 I'll take these. Everyone's outside.You can put your present with the others.
393 00:23:37 -Oh, it's only another queen!
394 00:23:39 -And it ain't the red one either.-It's the queen of spades!
395 00:23:42 Anybody ever tell youyou'd look divine in a hammock,
396 00:23:45 surrounded by louvers and ceiling fansand lots and lots of lush tropical ferns?
397 00:23:49 You're such a fag. You take the cake. Up!
398 00:23:52 -What about the cake? Whose job was that?-Mine. I ordered it to be delivered.
399 00:23:55 How many candlesdid you say to put on it? 80?
400 00:23:58 Wait, Alan. There's too much noise.I'll get another phone.
401 00:24:01 -Michael, did the cake come?-No.
402 00:24:02 -Oh, God. Can I use your private line?-Sure.
403 00:24:04 Listen, everybody, there is somecracked crab out there. Help yourselves.
404 00:24:08 Can I have the number for theMarseilles Bakery in Manhattan, please?
405 00:24:11 -Is everybody ready for a drink?-Yeah!
406 00:24:13 Ready? I'll be yourtopless cocktail waitress.
407 00:24:16 Please, spare us the sightof your sagging tits.
408 00:24:18 What are you having, kids?
409 00:24:19 -Is there any beer?-Oh, in the fridge.
410 00:24:21 -I'll get it.-Beer?
411 00:24:23 -Who drinks beer before dinner?-Beer drinkers.
412 00:24:26 How can a sensitive artist like youlive with an insensitive bull like that?
413 00:24:30 -I can't.
414 00:24:32 Well, here's hoping.
415 00:24:34 Alan, don't be silly.There's nothing to apologize for.
416 00:24:38 It's just that I feel like such a fool.
417 00:24:40 I can shoot myselffor letting myself act that way.
418 00:24:44 Look, it is just as well.I have people over.
419 00:24:47 It wouldn't be a good time to talk.
420 00:24:50 Hey, what about this?What if we do lunch tomorrow?
421 00:24:53 Sure. Why don't you meet meat the Oak Room at about one o'clock?
422 00:24:57 That sounds perfect.
423 00:24:59 And listen, Michael,can you just forget about tonight?
424 00:25:04 Pretend it never happened?
425 00:25:06 Alan, done. It's forgotten.
426 00:25:08 -I'll see you tomorrow?-Great.
427 00:25:18 -Yeah, baby! Let's hear that sound! Whoo!
428 00:25:21 A drumbeatand their eyes sparkle like Cartier.
429 00:25:24 Terrible.
430 00:25:26 Wow, thanks, Bernard.
431 00:25:28 It's like you stock upfor the whole summer.
432 00:25:30 You kidding? That'll last him two days.
433 00:25:33 -Well, he's not coming.-Oh!
434 00:25:36 Some people eat,some people drink, some take dope.
435 00:25:38 -I read.-Yeah, and read, read, read.
436 00:25:42 It's a wonder your eyesdon't turn back into your head
437 00:25:44 -at the sight of a dust jacket.-At least he's a constructive escapist.
438 00:25:47 Oh, that's true.What do I do? I take planes.
439 00:25:51 No. No, I don't do that anymore
440 00:25:53 because I don't havethe money to do that anymore.
441 00:25:56 I go to the baths. That's about it.
442 00:25:58 I'm about to do both.I'm flying to the West Coast.
443 00:26:01 You still got that actwith the donkey in Tijuana?
444 00:26:04 I'm going to San Franciscoon a well-earned vacation.
445 00:26:07 I'm going to the Club Baths,
446 00:26:08 and I'm not leaving till they announcethe departure of TWA one week later.
447 00:26:13 You'll never learnto stay out of the baths, will you?
448 00:26:15 -Bernard, don't… Bernard!-The last time Emily took the vapors,
449 00:26:18 this big hairy number strolled in.
450 00:26:21 So Emory says, "I'm just resting."
451 00:26:22 Big hairy number said,"Oh, I'm just arresting."
452 00:26:25 -It was the vice.-Emory!
453 00:26:27 You have to tell everything,don't you? Thanks, honey.
454 00:26:31 You live with your parents?
455 00:26:33 Yeah, but it's all right, they're gay.
456 00:26:38 Thought that was funny, Hank?
457 00:26:46 What happened to Alan?
458 00:26:47 Oh, he suddenly got terrible icksabout having broken down on the phone.
459 00:26:52 Kept apologizing over and over.
460 00:26:54 Did this big about-face,
461 00:26:56 reverted to the old Alanright before my very eyes.
462 00:27:00 -Ears.-Ears.
463 00:27:02 Well, the cracked crabobviously did not work out.
464 00:27:05 I don't know why everyonehas such an aversion to it.
465 00:27:07 Sometimes you remind meof the Chinese water torture.
466 00:27:10 No. No, I take that back.
467 00:27:12 Sometimes you remind meof the relentless Chinese water torture.
468 00:27:17 -Bitch.- Whoo! Whoo!
469 00:27:20 - Wonder where Harold is.-Yeah, where is the frozen fruit?
470 00:27:24 Emory refers to Harold as the frozen fruit
471 00:27:26 because of his former professionas an ice skater.
472 00:27:28 Whoo!
473 00:27:31 You know he's out here looking rough.
474 00:27:35 If your mother could see you now,she'd have a stroke.
475 00:27:37 - Got a camera on you?
476 00:27:39 Oh, my God, it's Lily Law.Everybody, three feet apart.
477 00:27:42 It's probably Harold now.
478 00:27:47 No, it's the delivery boy from the bakery.
479 00:27:49 -Oh, thank God.-Ask him if he's got any hot cross buns!
480 00:27:56 Come on, Emory. Knock it off.
481 00:27:58 You can take her anywhere but out.
482 00:28:01 You remind meof an old maid school teacher.
483 00:28:03 You remind me of a chicken wing.
484 00:28:06 -I'm sure you meant that as a compliment.-Good evening.
485 00:28:15 Hey, Bernard, remember that thingwe used to do on Fire Island?
486 00:28:18 Whoo! That was in so far back,I think I've forgotten.
487 00:28:21 I remember.
488 00:28:23 -Baby, come on, follow.-What is it?
489 00:28:25 -It goes swing, swing. Hook, hook.-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
490 00:28:28 Milk the cow,milk the cow, milk the cow…
491 00:28:31 You gotta swing it. You gotta hit it.
492 00:28:35 Look, it's the Geriatric Rockettes!Here we go.
493 00:28:41 ♪ Whenever I'm with him ♪
494 00:28:45 ♪ Something inside starts to burning ♪
495 00:28:50 ♪ And I'm filled with desire ♪
496 00:28:55 ♪ Could it be a devil in me? ♪
497 00:28:56 ♪ Or is this the wayLove's supposed to be? ♪
498 00:29:00 ♪ It's like a heat waveBurning in my heart ♪
499 00:29:04 ♪ I can't keep from crying… ♪
500 00:29:07 -Come on, Donald. Donald.-No, God.
501 00:29:10 ♪ Whenever he calls my name ♪
502 00:29:13 ♪ Soft, low, sweet and plain ♪
503 00:29:17 ♪ Right then, right thereI feel that burning flame ♪
504 00:29:22 ♪ Has high blood pressureGot a hold on me ♪
505 00:29:26 ♪ Or is this the wayLove's supposed to be? ♪
506 00:29:28 ♪ It's like a heat waveBurning in my heart ♪
507 00:29:33 ♪ I can't keep from cryingIt's tearing me apart ♪
508 00:29:41 ♪ Ooh, heat wave ♪
509 00:29:46 ♪ Ooh, heat wave ♪
510 00:29:54 -God damn it, Hank!-Why would you--
511 00:30:03 I thought… I'm…You said that you weren't coming.
512 00:30:06 Well, I'm sorry.
513 00:30:10 Well, we were just acting silly.
514 00:30:13 When I called,I was at a phone booth around the corner.
515 00:30:16 My dinner party isn't far from here.
516 00:30:18 Emory was showing us this silly dance.
517 00:30:21 I walked past,and your downstairs door was open.
518 00:30:23 This is Emory.
519 00:30:27 Everybody, this is Alan McCarthy.
520 00:30:29 Alan, counterclockwise, we haveLarry, Bernard, Donald, Emory and Hank.
521 00:30:34 -Nice to meet you.-Hi.
522 00:30:35 -Would you like a drink?-Thanks, no. I-I can't stay long.
523 00:30:38 You're here now, so stay.What would you like?
524 00:30:41 -Scotch, please.-Scotch.
525 00:30:42 -I'll get it.- Thank you.
526 00:30:49 -Guess I'm the only beer drinker.
527 00:30:53 Whose, uh, birthday is it?
528 00:30:54 -Harold's.- Harold?
529 00:30:56 - He's not here yet.-She's never been on time in her li--
530 00:31:01 He's… never been on time in his life.
531 00:31:05 Hank, Alan is from Washington.We went to college together, Georgetown.
532 00:31:09 -Ah.-Yeah.
533 00:31:13 Well, isn't that fascinating?
534 00:31:14 If that's too strong,I'll put some water in it for you.
535 00:31:18 It's fine, thanks. Fine.
536 00:31:22 -You in the government, Alan?-No, I'm a lawyer.
537 00:31:25 -What do you do?-I teach school.
538 00:31:27 Oh. Would have taken youfor an athlete of some sort.
539 00:31:33 You look like you might play sports.
540 00:31:35 Well, I'm no professional, but I wason the basketball team in college.
541 00:31:39 -Played quite a bit of tennis.-I play tennis, too.
542 00:31:41 -Great game. It is, yeah.- Yeah, great.
543 00:31:45 -What do you teach?-Math.
544 00:31:46 -Math?-Yeah.
545 00:31:48 Math.
546 00:31:51 Kind of makes you want to rush outand buy a slide rule, doesn't it?
547 00:31:56 Emory, I need help in the kitchen.
548 00:31:57 -You're elected. Come on.-I'm always elected.
549 00:32:00 -You're a natural-born domestic.-Said the African queen!
550 00:32:03 You come, too. Fan mewhile I make the salad dressing.
551 00:32:05 - This way, Emory.
552 00:32:11 Why don't we all sit down?
553 00:32:12 -Sure.-Yeah.
554 00:32:24 I feel terriblebarging in on you fellas this way.
555 00:32:26 Ah, that's okay.
556 00:32:27 - How've you been?-Fine, thanks. And you?
557 00:32:33 You married?
558 00:32:35 -What?-I see you're married.
559 00:32:37 Oh.
560 00:32:38 Yes, Hank is married.Donald, cope with some ice.
561 00:32:44 -Do you have any kids?-Yes, two.
562 00:32:46 A boy, nine. A girl, seven.
563 00:32:48 You should see my boy play tennis.Really puts his dad to shame.
564 00:32:51 -I have two kids, too. Both girls.- Great.
565 00:32:54 -How are the girls, Alan?-Oh, just sensational.
566 00:32:57 -Yeah?-They're something, those kids.
567 00:32:59 God, I'm-I'm nuts about them.
568 00:33:03 -How long you been married?- Nine years.
569 00:33:05 Ah!
570 00:33:06 -Can you believe it, Mickey?-No.
571 00:33:09 Mickey used to go with my wifewhen we were all in school.
572 00:33:11 -Can you believe that?
573 00:33:13 Oh, Lord. Sorry.
574 00:33:21 You live in the city?
575 00:33:23 Yes, we do.
576 00:33:30 Oh!
577 00:33:32 I'm inthe process of getting a divorce.
578 00:33:35 -Larry and I are roommates at the moment.-Yes, they're roommates.
579 00:33:39 Oh, I'm very sorry. I mean--
580 00:33:42 -No, I understand.- Mmm.
581 00:33:48 -I think I'd like another.-Of course. I'm so sorry.
582 00:33:55 Can I help you, Alan?
583 00:33:56 Uh…
584 00:33:59 Can't seem to find the scotch.
585 00:34:02 It's in your hand.
586 00:34:03 -Oh.
587 00:34:04 Of course. How stupid of me.
588 00:34:06 -Why don't you let me do that for you?-Thank you.
589 00:34:08 -Where the hell could Harold be?-Oh, he's always late.
590 00:34:12 You know how neurotiche can be about going out in public.
591 00:34:15 Takes him hours to get ready.
592 00:34:16 -Why is that?-Why is what?
593 00:34:18 Why does it take Harold hoursto get ready before he can go out?
594 00:34:22 Because she's a sick lady. That's why.
595 00:34:24 Alan, why don't we go upstairs and talk?
596 00:34:26 I'm just gonna finish this and go.
597 00:34:28 Come on. You can bring your drink.
598 00:34:31 -I-I finished it.- Here.
599 00:34:40 -Excuse me. We'll be down in a minute.-Oh, he'll still be here.
600 00:34:44 -Come on. This way, Alan.-Sure.
601 00:34:54 What was that supposed to mean?
602 00:34:55 -What was what supposed to mean?-You know.
603 00:34:58 -Do you want another beer?-No.
604 00:35:02 You're jealous, aren't you?
605 00:35:03 -I'm Larry.
606 00:35:06 You're jealous.
607 00:35:10 So, Donald, where have you beenhanging out these days?
608 00:35:12 I haven't seen you in a long time.
609 00:35:19 - Alan…
610 00:35:23 I want to try to explainsomething about this evening.
611 00:35:26 What's to explain? Sometimes you just…
612 00:35:29 can't invite everybodyto every party, and…
613 00:35:32 Some people take it personally,but not me.
614 00:35:34 I should apologize for inviting myself.
615 00:35:36 That is not exactly what I meant.
616 00:35:39 Your friends seem like awfully nice guys.
617 00:35:43 That Hank is a very attractive fellow.
618 00:35:45 Yes, he is.
619 00:35:47 -What's his roommate's name?-Uh, Larry.
620 00:35:50 What does he do?
621 00:35:52 He's a commercial artist.
622 00:35:53 I liked Donald, too.
623 00:35:59 The only oneI didn't care for too much was…
624 00:36:02 What's his name? Emory?
625 00:36:04 Yes, Emory.
626 00:36:06 Just can't stand that kind of talk.It grates on me.
627 00:36:13 What kind of talk, Alan?
628 00:36:15 Oh, you know, his…brand of humor, I guess.
629 00:36:19 He can be really quite funny sometimes.
630 00:36:22 I suppose, if you findthat sort of thing amusing. He just…
631 00:36:26 seems like such a goddamn little pansy.
632 00:36:31 I'm sorry I said that.I didn't mean to say that. That's…
633 00:36:35 such an awful thingto say about anyone.
634 00:36:38 But you know what I mean, Michael.
635 00:36:41 You have to admit he is effeminate.
636 00:36:45 -He is a bit.-A bit?
637 00:36:48 He's like a butterfly in heat.
638 00:36:51 There's no wonderhe was teaching you all to dance.
639 00:36:54 He probably wanted to dance with you.
640 00:37:01 Oh, come on, man. You know me.
641 00:37:04 You know how I feel.Your private life is your own affair.
642 00:37:09 No, I don't know that about you, Alan.
643 00:37:11 I-I…
644 00:37:13 don't care what people doas long as they don't do it in public
645 00:37:15 or try to force their wayson the whole world.
646 00:37:18 What were you crying abouton the telephone?
647 00:37:20 All I-- All I can say isplease forgive me for making…
648 00:37:25 such an ass of myself.
649 00:37:26 You must have been upsetor you wouldn't have said you were
650 00:37:29 and that you wanted to see me,you had to see me.
651 00:37:31 -Michael, please.-Is something wrong between you and Fran?
652 00:37:33 Listen, I've really gotta go.
653 00:37:35 Why are you in New York?
654 00:37:36 -Late for this dinner.-Whose dinner? Where are you going?
655 00:37:39 -Is that the loo?-Yes.
656 00:37:40 Excuse me.
657 00:37:50 What's going on in here?Oh, Mary, don't ask.
658 00:37:53 Hank, why don't you come and join us?
659 00:37:56 That's an interesting suggestion.Whose idea is that?
660 00:38:00 -Mine.
661 00:38:02 He means in conversation.
662 00:38:04 -Where are the rest of the wine glasses?-I's working as fast as I can.
663 00:38:09 - To your health.- Up yours.
664 00:38:12 Up my health?
665 00:38:14 -Where's the gent?-He's in the gent's room.
666 00:38:16 If you can all hang onfor five more minutes,
667 00:38:18 he's about to leave.
668 00:38:20 -Well, at last.
669 00:38:27 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
670 00:38:29 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
671 00:38:31 ♪ Happy birthday, dear HaroldHappy birthday to you ♪
672 00:38:35 Oh!
673 00:38:40 Who the hell are you?
674 00:38:42 She's Harold's present from meand she's early,
675 00:38:44 and that's not even Harold, you idiot!
676 00:38:47 You said whoever answered the door.
677 00:38:49 But not until midnight.He's supposed to be a midnight cowboy.
678 00:38:54 He looks right out of the chorusof a bus-and-truck Oklahoma!
679 00:38:57 Not until midnight, and you're supposedto sing to the right person.
680 00:39:01 I told you Haroldhas very tight, tight, black curly hair.
681 00:39:05 This number's practically bald.
682 00:39:07 Thank you, and fuck you!
683 00:39:09 Good thing I didn't open the door.
684 00:39:10 -Not that tight and not that black.
685 00:39:14 I-I forgot.
686 00:39:15 Besides, I wanted to getto the bars by midnight.
687 00:39:17 Oh, he's a class act all the way around.
688 00:39:20 What do you mean, "get to the bars"?
689 00:39:21 Sweetie, I paid youfor the whole night, remember?
690 00:39:24 I hurt my back doing my exercises,and I wanted to get to bed early.
691 00:39:27 Well, that's too bad. What happened?
692 00:39:29 -I lost my grip doing my chin-ups,
693 00:39:32 and I fell on my heelsand twisted my back.
694 00:39:34 You shouldn't wear heelswhen you do chin-ups!
695 00:39:38 I shouldn't do chin-ups.I got a weak grip.
696 00:39:41 Aw, weak grip. In my day,it used to be called a limp wrist.
697 00:39:44 Who can remember that far back?
698 00:39:46 -What's your card say?-Here. Read it.
699 00:39:52 "Dear Harold, bang-bang. You're alive."
700 00:39:56 "Now roll over and play dead."
701 00:39:58 -"Happy Birthday, Emory."
702 00:40:01 Sheer poetry, Emmy.
703 00:40:03 And in your usual good taste.
704 00:40:05 So conservative of youto resist a sign in Times Square.
705 00:40:10 -Cheese it, here comes the socialite nun.-Shit. God damn it, Emory.
706 00:40:17 Well, I'm off.Thanks, Michael, for the drink.
707 00:40:20 Oh, you're entirely welcome.So I'll see you tomorrow?
708 00:40:23 No. No, I think I'm gonna be awfully busy.Might even go back to Washington.
709 00:40:27 -Got a heavy date in Lafayette Square?
710 00:40:30 -What?- Emory.
711 00:40:34 Forget it.
712 00:40:37 Are you Harold?
713 00:40:38 No, he's not Harold. He's for Harold.
714 00:40:44 -Goodbye, Hank. It was nice to meet you.-Same here, Alan.
715 00:40:48 If you're in Washington,I'd like you to meet my wife.
716 00:40:50 That'd be fun. Wouldn't it, Hank?
717 00:40:52 Yeah, I'm sure they'd love to meet him…
718 00:40:54 Her.
719 00:40:57 I have such a problem with pronouns.
720 00:41:00 How many S's are in the word pronoun?
721 00:41:04 How'd you like to kiss my ass?That's got two more S's in it.
722 00:41:08 -How'd you like to blow me?-Mmm.
723 00:41:11 What's wrong with your wife?She got lockjaw?
724 00:41:13 Faggot! Fairy!
725 00:41:18 -Emory!- You goddamn freak.
726 00:41:28 Motherfucker!I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!
727 00:41:38 Fucking faggot! Faggot!
728 00:41:41 -Get some ice!- Freak!
729 00:41:42 What the hell is wrong with you, huh?
730 00:41:45 Just relax.
731 00:41:46 He justbusted your lip, love. Larry?
732 00:41:48 -Here.
733 00:41:51 - Jesus.- Damn it.
734 00:42:00 Do you mind waitingover there with the gifts?
735 00:42:08 Well, Harold! Happy birthday.
736 00:42:11 You're just in time for the floor show,
737 00:42:14 which you can see is on the floor.
738 00:42:17 Hey, you, this is Harold.
739 00:42:20 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
740 00:42:22 ♪ Happy birthday to youHappy birthday, dear Harold ♪
741 00:42:25 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
742 00:43:06 What's so fucking funny?
743 00:43:13 Life.
744 00:43:15 Life is a goddamned laugh riot.You remember life?
745 00:43:19 -You're stoned.-Happy birthday, Harold.
746 00:43:21 You're stoned, and you're late.
747 00:43:23 You were supposedto arrive at this location
748 00:43:25 at approximately 8:30 dash 9:00.
749 00:43:29 What I am, Michael,
750 00:43:32 is a 32-year-old,ugly, pock-marked, Jew fairy,
751 00:43:38 and if it takes me a whileto pull myself together,
752 00:43:42 and if I smoke a little grassbefore I can get up the nerve
753 00:43:45 to show this face to the world,
754 00:43:48 then it's nobody'sgoddamn business but my own.
755 00:43:54 And how are you this evening?
756 00:43:57 Happy birthday, Hallie.
757 00:44:00 - What happened to you?-Don't ask.
758 00:44:02 Your lips are turning blue.
759 00:44:03 You look likeyou've been rimming a snowman.
760 00:44:05 That piss-elegant kooze hit me.
761 00:44:07 Careful, Emory. That kind of talkjust makes him so nervous.
762 00:44:10 Who is she?
763 00:44:12 Who was she?
764 00:44:14 Who does she hope to be?
765 00:44:16 Who knows? Who cares?
766 00:44:18 His name is Alan McCarthy.
767 00:44:21 Not the famous college chum?Is this my surprise from you, Michael?
768 00:44:25 I think Alan is the onewho got the surprise.
769 00:44:27 - You'll notice he's speechless.-I hope she's in shock! She's a beast!
770 00:44:32 Is it his birthday, too?
771 00:44:33 - That's your surprise.-Speaking of beasts.
772 00:44:37 From me to you, darling.How do you like it?
773 00:44:39 Well, I supposehe has an interesting face and body,
774 00:44:42 but it turns me right off 'causehe can't talk intelligently about art.
775 00:44:46 Yeah, ain't it a shame?
776 00:44:48 -I could never love anyone like that.-Never. Who could?
777 00:44:51 I could and you could, that's who could.
778 00:44:54 Mary, she's gorgeous.
779 00:44:56 She may be dumb, but she's all yours.
780 00:44:59 I think my present is a super surprise.I'm so thrilled to get it.
781 00:45:03 I would kiss you,but I don't want to get blood all over me.
782 00:45:06 Look at my top!
783 00:45:09 Wait till you see your face.
784 00:45:11 Come on, Emory. Let's clean you up, hmm?Happy birthday, Harold.
785 00:45:15 -Thanks, love.- Top is ruined.
786 00:45:17 Take one of minefrom the bedroom.
787 00:45:19 The one on the floor is vicuña.
788 00:45:22 Just another birthday partywith the folks.
789 00:45:26 Here's a cold bottle of Pouilly-FuisséI bought especially for you, kiddo.
790 00:45:30 Pussycat, all is forgiven. You can stay.
791 00:45:34 No. You can stay,but not all is forgiven. Cheers.
792 00:45:44 Who asked Mr. Rightto celebrate my birthday?
793 00:45:49 There are no accidents.
794 00:45:51 And who asked him?
795 00:45:54 Guilty.
796 00:45:56 Always got to haveyour crutch, haven't you?
797 00:45:58 I'm not leaving.
798 00:45:59 I feel sick. I think I'm gonna throw up.
799 00:46:02 Say that again, and I won'thave to take my appetite suppressants.
800 00:46:05 -Easy does it. One step at a time.
801 00:46:20 I am not readyfor my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
802 00:46:25 Nor will I be for the next two weeks.
803 00:46:27 Oh, my God! He's after me again!
804 00:46:31 -He's sick.-Yeah, sick in the head.
805 00:46:35 Mary, take me home.These queens are crazy.
806 00:46:40 Turning on.
807 00:46:45 -Anybody care to join me?-Many thanks. No.
808 00:46:49 No, thank you.
809 00:46:51 How about you, Tex?
810 00:46:54 Yeah.
811 00:46:57 Michael, I left the casserolein the oven. Take it out anytime.
812 00:47:01 You're not going.
813 00:47:02 - I couldn't eat now anyway.-Well, I'm absolutely starving.
814 00:47:05 I'll eat until I have a fat attack.
815 00:47:07 I said you're not going.
816 00:47:09 Beware the hostile fag.
817 00:47:11 When he's sober, he's dangerous.When he drinks, he's lethal.
818 00:47:14 -Attention must not be paid.- Well, I'm starved, Em.
819 00:47:17 I'm ready for some of yourAlice B. Toklas' opium-baked lasagna.
820 00:47:21 Are you really? Aw.
821 00:47:24 That makes me so pleased.Maybe I'll serve it before I leave.
822 00:47:27 Nobody is going anywhere.
823 00:47:31 You're gonna have schmertz tomorrowyou wouldn't believe.
824 00:47:34 -Hey, do a figure-eight on that.
825 00:47:37 I'm turning on. You're just turning.
826 00:47:41 -Michael? Is there any air spray?- Hairspray?
827 00:47:45 You're supposed to be holding his head,not doing his hair.
828 00:47:48 Air spray, not hairspray.
829 00:47:50 There's a can of floral sprayon top of the john.
830 00:47:52 Thanks.
831 00:47:53 I keep my grassin the medicine cabinet in a Band-Aid box.
832 00:47:57 Somebody told me it's the safest place.
833 00:47:58 If the cops arrive,you can lock yourself in the bathroom
834 00:48:01 and flush it down the john.
835 00:48:02 That's very cagey.
836 00:48:04 Makes more sensethan where I was keeping it.
837 00:48:05 In an oregano jar in the spice rack.
838 00:48:08 I kept forgetting, and accidentallyturning my hateful mother on with a salad,
839 00:48:13 but I think she likes it.
840 00:48:15 No matter what meal she comes over for,even if it's breakfast, she says,
841 00:48:18 "Let's have a salad!"
842 00:48:25 You are definitely the typethat still moves his lips when he reads,
843 00:48:29 and who sits in a steam room
844 00:48:31 and says things like,"Hot enough for you?"
845 00:48:33 I never use the steam roomwhen I go to the gym.
846 00:48:36 It's bad after a workout.It flattens you down.
847 00:48:40 Just after you've broken your backto blow yourself up like a poisoned dog?
848 00:48:46 -Yeah.- You're right, Harold.
849 00:48:49 Not only can he nottalk intelligently about art,
850 00:48:52 he can't even followfrom one sentence to the next.
851 00:48:56 But he's beautiful.
852 00:48:58 He has unnatural natural beauty.
853 00:49:02 -Not that that means anything.-It doesn't mean everything.
854 00:49:05 Keep telling yourself thatas your hair drops out in handfuls.
855 00:49:09 Not that it's not natural for one's hairto recede as one reaches seniority.
856 00:49:15 You know, faggots are worsethan women about their age.
857 00:49:19 They think their lives are over at 30.
858 00:49:21 Physical beautyis not that goddamned important.
859 00:49:24 Well, of course it's not. How could it be?
860 00:49:27 It's only in the eye of the beholder.
861 00:49:29 And it's only skin-deep.Don't forget about that one.
862 00:49:34 Oh, no,I haven't forgotten that one at all.
863 00:49:38 It's only skin-deep,and it's transitory, too.
864 00:49:42 It's terribly transitory.
865 00:49:44 I mean, how long does it last?30 or 40 or 50 years at the most?
866 00:49:50 Yes, it's too badabout this poor boy's face.
867 00:49:55 It's tragic.
868 00:49:57 He's absolutely cursed.
869 00:50:01 And how could his beautyever compare with my soul?
870 00:50:05 And although I have never seen my soul,
871 00:50:07 I understand from my mother's rabbithat it's a knockout.
872 00:50:11 I, however, cannot seemto locate it for a gander,
873 00:50:14 and if I could,I would sell it in a flash
874 00:50:17 for some skin-deep,transitory, meaningless beauty.
875 00:50:21 Forgive him, Father,for he know not what he do.
876 00:50:24 Oh, Michael, you kill me.
877 00:50:27 You don't knowwhich side of the fence you're on.
878 00:50:29 If somebody says something pro-religion,you're against them.
879 00:50:31 If somebody denies God,you're against them.
880 00:50:34 One might sayyou have a problem in this area.
881 00:50:37 You can't live with it,you can't live without it.
882 00:50:39 -Hot stuff coming through!-Hey!
883 00:50:41 You know what? One could murder youwith very little effort.
884 00:50:44 You hang on to that greatinsurance policy called the church.
885 00:50:48 That's right, I believe in God.
886 00:50:50 And if it turns out that therereally isn't one? Okay, nothing lost.
887 00:50:54 But if it turns out that there is,I'm covered.
888 00:50:57 Harriet Hypocrite, that's who you are.
889 00:51:00 Right. I am oneof those truly rotten Catholics
890 00:51:03 who gets drunk, sins all night,and goes to Mass the next morning.
891 00:51:06 It depends on what you think sin is.
892 00:51:09 Would you shut your minty mouthand get back to the goddamn kitchen?
893 00:51:14 Say whatever you want. Just don't hit me.
894 00:51:18 Well, is it bigger than a breadstick?
895 00:51:21 He's laying down for a little bit.
896 00:51:23 -How does the bathroom smell?-Better.
897 00:51:25 -Before it smelled like somebody puked.
898 00:51:28 Now it smells like somebodypuked in a gardenia patch.
899 00:51:30 Dinner is served!
900 00:51:35 What would you like, big boy?
901 00:51:36 Alan McCarthy, and don't hold the mayo.
902 00:51:39 Oh, Em, it looks absolutely fabulous.
903 00:51:42 I'd make somebody a good wife.
904 00:51:44 -What is it?-Lasagna.
905 00:51:46 Looks like spaghetti and meatballssort of flattened out.
906 00:51:51 -Well, it's been in the steam room.
907 00:51:54 -It has?-Oh, my God.
908 00:51:56 "It looks like spaghetti and meatballssort of flattened out."
909 00:52:00 Oh, yes, Harold, truly enviable.
910 00:52:03 As opposed to you,who knows so much about haute cuisine.
911 00:52:06 Raconteur, gourmet, troll.
912 00:52:11 -It's good.-You like it? Eat it.
913 00:52:12 Stuff your mouthso you can't say anything.
914 00:52:14 Turning.
915 00:52:15 - Wine?- No, thank you.
916 00:52:17 Oh, go on, kiddo. Force yourself.
917 00:52:19 Have a little vin ordinaireto wash down all that depressed pasta.
918 00:52:23 Sommelier, connoisseur, pig.
919 00:52:28 Aren't you gonna have any?
920 00:52:29 No, my lip hurts too much to eat.Anybody gonna bring a plate up to Alan?
921 00:52:33 Oh. The punching bagis now dissolved into Flo Nightingale.
922 00:52:37 Do you like it, Hallie?
923 00:52:39 Mmm. I'm having seconds and thirdsand maybe even fifths.
924 00:52:42 I'm absolutely desperateto keep the weight up.
925 00:52:46 You're absolutely paranoidabout absolutely everything.
926 00:52:50 Oh, yeah? Well, why don't younot tell me about it?
927 00:52:54 You starve yourself all day
928 00:52:57 so that you cangorge yourself at one meal,
929 00:52:59 and then you moan and groan abouthow fat you are and how ugly you are,
930 00:53:04 when the truth is you're no fatteror thinner than you ever were.
931 00:53:08 -Polly Paranoia.-This is great, Emory.
932 00:53:10 Connie Casserole. No trouble at all.Oh, Mary, don't ask.
933 00:53:13 Oh! Oh! And this pathological lateness,that's downright crazy.
934 00:53:18 Turning!
935 00:53:19 Standing before a bathroom mirrorfor hours and hours
936 00:53:22 before you can walk out on the street,
937 00:53:24 and looking no differentafter Christ knows how many applications
938 00:53:29 of Christ knows how manyointments and salves and creams and masks.
939 00:53:34 I've got bad skin. What can I tell you?
940 00:53:37 Who wouldn't after they deliberatelytake a pair of tweezers
941 00:53:40 and deliberately mutilate their pores?
942 00:53:42 There's no wonderyou got holes in your face
943 00:53:44 after the hack job you have doneon yourself year in and year out.
944 00:53:48 King of the pig people.
945 00:53:51 Yes, you've got scars on your face,but they're not that bad.
946 00:53:54 And if you'd leave yourself alone,
947 00:53:56 you wouldn't have any morethan you've already awarded yourself.
948 00:54:00 You'd really like meto compliment you now, wouldn't you,
949 00:54:04 for how honest you're being?
950 00:54:06 For being my best friend who will tell me
951 00:54:08 what even my best friends won't tell me,you hateful sow.
952 00:54:12 And the pills!
953 00:54:14 Harold has been gathering, saving,
954 00:54:17 and storing up barbituratesfor the past year
955 00:54:19 like a goddamn squirrel.
956 00:54:21 Hundreds of Nembutals,hundreds of Seconals.
957 00:54:24 All in preparation for,
958 00:54:26 and anticipation of,the long winter of his death.
959 00:54:30 I'll tell you right now, Hallie,
960 00:54:32 when the time comes,you'll never have the guts.
961 00:54:36 It's not always like it happens in plays.
962 00:54:38 Not all faggots bump themselves offat the end of the story.
963 00:54:46 -What you say may be true.
964 00:54:50 Time will undoubtedly tell.
965 00:54:53 But in the meantime,you've left out one detail.
966 00:54:58 The cosmeticsand astringents are paid for,
967 00:55:02 the bathroom is paid for,
968 00:55:05 the tweezers are paid for,
969 00:55:07 and the pills… are paid for.
970 00:55:19 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
971 00:55:22 - Oh, Jesus.-♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
972 00:55:26 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Harold ♪
973 00:55:32 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
974 00:55:34 You're so sweet.
975 00:55:37 Blow out the candles, Mary,and make a wish!
976 00:55:39 Blow out your candles, Laura.
977 00:55:49 - She's 32 years young!- Oh, my God.
978 00:55:53 -Now you have to open your gifts.-Start with this one.
979 00:55:56 Presents! Where's the card?
980 00:55:59 -Uh…- Here.
981 00:56:01 -Oh, from Larry.- Larry.
982 00:56:04 Why would you put it on the back?
983 00:56:09 Oh, it's heaven.Oh, I just love it, Larry.
984 00:56:14 -What is it?-The deed to Boardwalk.
985 00:56:16 - Aw. Gay pop art.
986 00:56:20 Oh, Larry, it's super.It goes up the minute I get home.
987 00:56:22 -Oh, good.- I don't get it.
988 00:56:24 You cruise Atlantic City or something?
989 00:56:26 How much did you pay for him?
990 00:56:29 -He was a steal.-I'm not a steal. I cost $20.
991 00:56:35 And what do you do for $20?
992 00:56:38 I do my best.
993 00:56:40 Oh, what a nifty sweater.
994 00:56:44 Thank you, Hank.
995 00:56:45 You can take it back,exchange it for something else.
996 00:56:47 -No, I think this one is just… nifty.
997 00:56:54 -Who wants cake?- Everybody?
998 00:56:55 None for me.
999 00:56:56 -There you go.-Thanks.
1000 00:56:58 Oh, Bernard! How divine!
1001 00:57:02 Look, everybody, bejeweled knee pads.
1002 00:57:07 Monogrammed.
1003 00:57:09 Bernard, you're a camp!
1004 00:57:23 Thank you, Michael.
1005 00:57:25 What?
1006 00:57:27 Oh.
1007 00:57:30 -You're welcome.- What is it, Harold?
1008 00:57:34 It's a photograph of himin a silver frame,
1009 00:57:36 and there's an inscription engravedand the date.
1010 00:57:39 What's it say?
1011 00:57:46 Just something personal.
1012 00:57:51 Hey, Bernard, what do you say we havea little music to liven things up?
1013 00:57:54 -Okay.-Yeah, I feel like dancing.
1014 00:58:00 Come on, Michael.
1015 00:58:02 Oh, no, thanks. I can only lead.
1016 00:58:05 - I can follow.-Oh, I think I'll sip this one out.
1017 00:58:09 Ha!
1018 00:58:17 ♪ You see this guy? ♪
1019 00:58:22 ♪ This guy's in love with you ♪
1020 00:58:29 ♪ Yes, I'm in love ♪
1021 00:58:33 ♪ Who looks at you the way I do? ♪
1022 00:58:39 ♪ When you smile I can tell ♪
1023 00:58:44 ♪ We know each other very well ♪
1024 00:58:51 ♪ How can I show you ♪
1025 00:58:56 ♪ I'm glad I got to know you? ♪
1026 00:59:02 ♪ 'Cause I've heard some talk ♪
1027 00:59:06 Come on, Tex.
1028 00:59:08 -♪ They say you think I'm fine ♪-You're on.
1029 00:59:14 ♪ Yes, I'm in love ♪
1030 00:59:19 ♪ And what I'd do to make you mine ♪
1031 00:59:25 ♪ Tell me now, is it so? ♪
1032 00:59:30 ♪ Don't let me be the last to know ♪
1033 00:59:36 ♪ My hands are shaking ♪
1034 00:59:42 ♪ Don't let my heart keep breaking ♪
1035 00:59:48 ♪ 'Cause I need your love ♪
1036 00:59:54 ♪ I want your love ♪
1037 01:00:00 ♪ Say you're in love ♪
1038 01:00:04 ♪ In love with this guy ♪
1039 01:00:13 ♪ If not, I'll just die ♪
1040 01:00:17 Shit.
1041 01:00:20 -Michael!- Everybody, help clean up.
1042 01:00:26 Go, go, go! Come on!
1043 01:00:33 -Come here, kid.
1044 01:00:39 - Everybody, hurry up!- Close the door!
1045 01:00:44 - Come on, guys.- Come on.
1046 01:00:47 Get the fuck inside.
1047 01:00:50 - Oh God.
1048 01:00:51 I'm dripping all over.
1049 01:00:55 Take a towel.Don't get the goddamn furniture wet.
1050 01:00:57 -Here. Towel. Dry off.-Jesus, Michael.
1051 01:01:00 -Thanks. Thanks, Michael.
1052 01:01:05 Wanna dance?
1053 01:01:06 Uh-oh, Yvonne the Terrible is back.
1054 01:01:09 Oh, hello, Alan. You feel better?
1055 01:01:13 Oh, no. No, no, no. Alan, no.
1056 01:01:16 As they say in the Deep South,don't rush off in this inclement weather.
1057 01:01:20 You'll never get a cab.
1058 01:01:22 Revolution complete.
1059 01:01:24 You missed the cakeand you missed the opening of the gifts,
1060 01:01:28 but you're still in luck.
1061 01:01:29 You're just in time for a party game.
1062 01:01:32 Hey, everybody, game time.
1063 01:01:34 Michael, why don't you just let him go?
1064 01:01:36 He can go if he wants to,
1065 01:01:39 but not before we play a little game.
1066 01:01:41 What's it gonna be, movie-star gin?
1067 01:01:43 No. No, that's too faggy for Alan to play.He wouldn't be any good at it.
1068 01:01:48 What would you like to play, Michael?The Truth Game?
1069 01:01:51 Cute, Hallie.
1070 01:01:52 Or would you like to play Murder?
1071 01:01:54 -You all remember that one, don't you?- Very, very cute.
1072 01:01:57 As I recall, they're quite similar.
1073 01:01:59 The rules are the same in both:you kill somebody.
1074 01:02:03 -Mickey, I'm leaving.-Stay where you are.
1075 01:02:05 -Michael, let him go.- He really doesn't want to.
1076 01:02:09 If he did, he'd have left a long time ago,
1077 01:02:11 or he wouldn't have comein the first place.
1078 01:02:13 -Mickey. I don't feel---My name is Michael.
1079 01:02:17 I'm called Michael.
1080 01:02:18 You must never callanyone called Michael "Mickey."
1081 01:02:22 Those of us who are named Michaelget very nervous about it.
1082 01:02:27 If you don't believe it, try it.
1083 01:02:30 I'm sorry. I…
1084 01:02:33 I can't think.
1085 01:02:35 You can think.
1086 01:02:37 What you can't do is leave.
1087 01:02:39 It's like watchingan accident on a highway.
1088 01:02:41 You can't look at it,and you can't look away.
1089 01:03:07 Who's going to playwith Alan and me? Everyone?
1090 01:03:10 -I have no intention of playing.-Yeah, nor do I.
1091 01:03:13 Well, not everyoneis a participant in life.
1092 01:03:16 There are always thosewho stand on the sidelines and watch.
1093 01:03:19 -What's the game?- Simply this:
1094 01:03:22 We all have to call on the telephone
1095 01:03:25 the one personwe truly believe we have loved.
1096 01:03:31 -I'm not playing.-Oh, yes, you are.
1097 01:03:35 -You'd like for me to play.-I'd like to know who you'd call
1098 01:03:38 after all the fancy speechesI've heard lately.
1099 01:03:40 Who'd you call, Hank? Would you call me?
1100 01:03:42 Oh! Sounds like there's,how you say, trouble in paradise.
1101 01:03:46 Well, if there isn't,I'm sure you could stir up some.
1102 01:03:49 And who would you call? Hmm?
1103 01:03:52 Don't think I think for one minutethat it would be me.
1104 01:03:55 Or that one call would do it.You'd have to make several.
1105 01:03:57 Three long-distance,God only knows how many locals.
1106 01:04:00 -I'm glad I don't have to pay the bill.-Quiet.
1107 01:04:02 Don't worry.Michael won't pay it either.
1108 01:04:06 Now, here's how it works.If you make the call, you get one point.
1109 01:04:10 If the person you are calling answers,you get two more points.
1110 01:04:14 Somebody else answers, you only get one.
1111 01:04:16 And if there's no answer at all…
1112 01:04:18 you're screwed.
1113 01:04:20 You're screwed if you make the call.
1114 01:04:21 When you get the personwhom you are calling on the line,
1115 01:04:24 if you tell them who you are,you get two points. And then…
1116 01:04:29 If you tell them that you love them,
1117 01:04:33 you get a bonus of five more points.
1118 01:04:36 -Hateful.
1119 01:04:37 Therefore, you can getas many as ten points and as few as one.
1120 01:04:41 You can get as few as noneif you know how to work it.
1121 01:04:44 Hank, leave with me?
1122 01:04:45 Oh, well, now, did you hear that?
1123 01:04:51 You don't understand, Alan. I can't.
1124 01:04:54 You can, but I can't.
1125 01:04:57 If he doesn't understand,explain it to him.
1126 01:04:59 -I'll explain it.-I had a feeling you might.
1127 01:05:01 Alan, Hank and Larry are lovers.
1128 01:05:05 They're not roommates.
1129 01:05:06 -Bedmates, lovers.-Michael.
1130 01:05:08 No man's still got a roommatewhen he's over 40 years old.
1131 01:05:11 If they're not lovers, they're sisters.
1132 01:05:13 -Hank is the one who's over 40.-Well, you're pushing it.
1133 01:05:17 Hank.
1134 01:05:21 Yes, Alan. Larry and I are lovers.
1135 01:05:24 But…
1136 01:05:26 But you're married.
1137 01:05:31 Jesus Christ.
1138 01:05:34 I think you said the wrong thing.
1139 01:05:37 Don't you love that quaint little idea?
1140 01:05:40 If a man's married,he's automatically heterosexual.
1141 01:05:43 Alan, Hank swings both ways…with a definite preference.
1142 01:05:55 Now… who makes the first call?
1143 01:06:03 -Emory?-You go, Bernard.
1144 01:06:05 -Mm. I don't want to.-Go on, call up Peter Dahlbeck.
1145 01:06:09 -That's who you'd like to call, isn't it?- Who is Peter Dahlbeck?
1146 01:06:12 The boy in Detroit
1147 01:06:13 whose family Bernard's motherhas been a laundress for
1148 01:06:15 since he was a little black-eyed pea.
1149 01:06:20 I worked for them, too,
1150 01:06:23 after school and every summer.
1151 01:06:28 I think I've loved him all my life.
1152 01:06:33 But he never knew I was alive.
1153 01:06:42 Besides, he's straight.
1154 01:06:44 Nothing ever happened between you?
1155 01:06:46 They finally made itin the pool house one night
1156 01:06:49 after a drunken swimming party.
1157 01:06:51 With the right wine and the right music,there are damn few that aren't curious.
1158 01:06:55 And afterwards, we went swimming,
1159 01:06:59 in the nude, in the dark,only the moon reflecting the water.
1160 01:07:04 How romantic.
1161 01:07:06 And the next morning, you took himhis coffee and Alka-Seltzer on a tray.
1162 01:07:13 I remember I was worried sick all morningabout having to face him,
1163 01:07:17 but he pretendedlike nothing at all had happened.
1164 01:07:20 Christ, he must have been so drunk,he didn't remember a thing.
1165 01:07:23 Odd how that works.
1166 01:07:25 And now for ten points,get that liar on the phone.
1167 01:07:34 - Mmm!- Oh!
1168 01:07:43 You know the number?
1169 01:07:46 Sure, he's backin Grosse Pointe, living at home.
1170 01:07:49 Just got separated from his third wife.
1171 01:07:51 -Mmm-hmm.- Mmm-hmm.
1172 01:08:00 -DA or BY?-What?
1173 01:08:02 It's operator lingo.It means "doesn't answer" or "busy."
1174 01:08:05 He didn't even give it timeto find out.
1175 01:08:07 Come on, Bernard. Pick up that phone.
1176 01:08:11 You know you want to call him.You know that, don't you?
1177 01:08:16 Well, go ahead.
1178 01:08:18 Your curiosity's got the best of you now.So go on, call him.
1179 01:08:44 Do it.
1180 01:08:56 -Hello?- One point.
1181 01:08:59 Who's speaking?
1182 01:09:03 Oh!
1183 01:09:04 -Mrs. Dahlbeck.- One point.
1184 01:09:07 It's Bernard.
1185 01:09:11 Francine's boy.
1186 01:09:13 - Son, not boy.-Shh.
1187 01:09:17 Oh, just fine, thank you.
1188 01:09:22 Mrs. Dahlbeck, is-is… Peter at home?
1189 01:09:30 Oh.
1190 01:09:33 Oh, I see.
1191 01:09:34 Oh, shit.
1192 01:09:36 -Oh, no, no.
1193 01:09:38 Oh, no, no. No, no.It-It's nothing important. I, um…
1194 01:09:45 I just wanted to tell him that…
1195 01:09:51 Just to tell him that I…
1196 01:09:54 I love him… and I've always loved him.
1197 01:10:06 That I was very sorryto hear about him and his wife.
1198 01:10:09 No points.
1199 01:10:11 Mama wrote me.
1200 01:10:15 Yes, it is. It-It-It really is. Well, uh…
1201 01:10:21 Would you just tell himthat I called and said that I…
1202 01:10:35 That I, uh…
1203 01:10:48 I was just very, very sorry to hear
1204 01:10:50 and hope they canget everything straightened out.
1205 01:10:55 Good night. Uh-huh.
1206 01:10:58 Goodbye.
1207 01:11:14 Two points total.
1208 01:11:15 -Terrible. Next.-You all right, Bernard?
1209 01:11:19 Why did I call?
1210 01:11:22 Why did I do that?
1211 01:11:24 -Where was he?-Out on a date.
1212 01:11:29 Come on.
1213 01:11:31 Emory.
1214 01:11:34 Punch in.
1215 01:11:50 May I have a number, please?
1216 01:11:53 In the Bronx.
1217 01:11:57 For a Delbert Botts.
1218 01:11:59 A Delbert Botts?How many could there be?
1219 01:12:04 Wish I hadn't called now.
1220 01:12:06 No, the residence number, please.
1221 01:12:18 Thank you.
1222 01:12:20 I do wish Informationwould stop calling me "ma'am."
1223 01:12:23 -Hey, by all means,
1224 01:12:24 scribble all over my phone.
1225 01:12:26 It comes off with a little spit.
1226 01:12:28 Ooh, like a lot of things.
1227 01:12:30 Who the hell is Delbert Botts?
1228 01:12:32 The one person I've always loved.That's who you said to call, isn't it?
1229 01:12:36 Right, emery board.
1230 01:12:37 Ugh, how could you love somebodywith a name like that?
1231 01:12:41 Yes, Emory, you couldn't possiblylove anyone with a name like that.
1232 01:12:46 That wouldn't look goodon a place card. Right, Alan?
1233 01:12:49 I admit his name is not so good,
1234 01:12:52 but he…
1235 01:12:54 Absolutely beautiful.
1236 01:12:56 I've loved him ever sincethe first day I laid eyes on him,
1237 01:13:01 which was when I was in the fifth grade
1238 01:13:04 and he was a senior.
1239 01:13:10 Then he went away to college,
1240 01:13:12 and by the time he got out,I was in high school.
1241 01:13:15 And he had become… a dentist.
1242 01:13:18 And you went and had every toothin your head pulled out, right?
1243 01:13:23 No.
1244 01:13:25 I just had my teeth cleaned, that's all.
1245 01:13:27 -Oh, I shouldn't have called.-Will you shut up, Bernard?
1246 01:13:31 And take your boring, sleep-making ickssomewhere else. Go.
1247 01:13:35 I remember I lookedright in his eyes the whole time.
1248 01:13:41 I kept wanting to bite his fingers.
1249 01:13:43 Well, it's absolutely mind-boggling.
1250 01:13:45 -Phyllis Phallic.-It absolutely boggles the mind.
1251 01:13:49 I told him I was having my teeth cleaned
1252 01:13:51 for the junior-senior promfor which I was in charge of decorations.
1253 01:13:58 I told himit was a celestial theme,
1254 01:14:00 and I was cutting stars out of tin foil
1255 01:14:03 and making cloudsout of chicken wire and angel's hair.
1256 01:14:10 Oh, Mary, it takes a fairyto make something pretty.
1257 01:14:13 I got angel's hair down my shirtonce at Christmastime.
1258 01:14:17 Gosh, did it itch.
1259 01:14:19 It would be terribleif you got that stuff in your…
1260 01:14:24 I'll be quiet.
1261 01:14:31 He was engagedto this stupid-ass girl named Loraine,
1262 01:14:35 whose mother was trulya real see-you-next-Tuesday.
1263 01:14:37 Uh-uh. Don't digress.
1264 01:14:41 Well, anyway… I was a wreck.I mean, a total mess.
1265 01:14:45 I couldn't eat, sleep,stand up, sit down, nothing.
1266 01:14:50 Finally, I called him on the phoneand asked if I could see him alone.
1267 01:14:55 Clearly, not the coolest of moves.
1268 01:14:58 He said okay.
1269 01:15:00 Told me to come by his house.
1270 01:15:04 I was so nervous, my hands were shaking.I couldn't even look at him.
1271 01:15:09 I just… stared straight in spaceand blurted out why I'd come.
1272 01:15:15 I told him I wanted him to be my friend.
1273 01:15:19 I said that I had neverhad a friend I could talk to
1274 01:15:24 and tell everything to and-and trust.
1275 01:15:30 I asked him if he would be my friend.
1276 01:15:34 He said he would be glad to be my friend,
1277 01:15:36 and anytime I wantedto see him or call him,
1278 01:15:40 to just call him and he'd see me.
1279 01:15:44 And he shook my trembling hand,and I left…
1280 01:15:50 -on a cloud.-One of the ones you made yourself.
1281 01:15:53 And the next day,
1282 01:15:55 I went out and bought hima gold-plated cigarette lighter
1283 01:15:57 and had his initials monogrammed on it.
1284 01:16:00 I wrote a card that said,"From your friend, Emory."
1285 01:16:05 Seventeen years oldand already big with the gifts.
1286 01:16:08 And then the night of the prom,
1287 01:16:10 I heard Loraineand another girl I knew giggling together.
1288 01:16:17 Obviously, Del had told Loraineabout my calling and about the gift.
1289 01:16:22 Pretty soon, everybody at the dancehad heard about it.
1290 01:16:26 They were laughing and making jokes.
1291 01:16:30 Everybody knewthat I had a crush on Dr. Delbert Botts
1292 01:16:34 and that I had asked him to be my friend.
1293 01:16:44 What they didn't knowwas that I loved him,
1294 01:16:48 and that I would go on loving him
1295 01:16:50 years after they had all forgottenmy funny little secret.
1296 01:16:57 Well, I for one need an insulin injection.
1297 01:17:01 Oh.
1298 01:17:07 -Call him.-Don't, Emory.
1299 01:17:09 Since when are you telling him what to do?
1300 01:17:11 Don't. You'll be sorry.Take my word for it.
1301 01:17:13 What have I got to lose?
1302 01:17:14 Your dignity.That's what you've got to lose.
1303 01:17:17 Oh, that's a knee-slapper. I love…
1304 01:17:19 You're telling him about dignity
1305 01:17:21 when you allow himto degrade you constantly
1306 01:17:24 by Uncle Tom-ing you to death.
1307 01:17:26 He can do it, Michael.I can do it. But you can't do it.
1308 01:17:30 Isn't that discrimination?
1309 01:17:33 I don't like it from him,and I don't like it from me.
1310 01:17:37 But I do it to myself,
1311 01:17:40 and I let him do it.
1312 01:17:42 I let him do itbecause it's the only thing that,
1313 01:17:44 to him, makes him my equal.
1314 01:17:48 We both got the short end of the stick,
1315 01:17:50 but I got a hell of a lot morethan he did, and he knows it.
1316 01:17:53 I let him Uncle Tom me
1317 01:17:55 just so he can tell himselfhe's not a complete loser.
1318 01:18:00 How very considerate.
1319 01:18:03 It's his defense, Michael.
1320 01:18:05 You have your defense,but it's indescribable.
1321 01:18:11 Y'all want to hear a little politeparlor jest from the liberal Deep South?
1322 01:18:17 Do you knowwhy niggers have such big lips?
1323 01:18:20 Because they're always going…
1324 01:18:23 Christ, Michael!Give me that. Let go, Michael.
1325 01:18:27 I can do without your goddamn spiton my telephone, you nellie coward!
1326 01:18:30 I may be nellie, but I'm no coward!
1327 01:18:35 Yo, Bernard…
1328 01:18:38 forgive me. I'm sorry.
1329 01:18:39 I won't ever saythose things to you again.
1330 01:18:56 Huh.
1331 01:19:03 -BY.-It's busy?
1332 01:19:05 Loraine is probably talking to her mother.
1333 01:19:09 Oh, yes, Delbert married Loraine.
1334 01:19:11 I'm sorry, you'll haveto forfeit your turn. We can't wait.
1335 01:19:14 Well, you're not wasting any time.
1336 01:19:17 -Who are you calling?- Charlie.
1337 01:19:20 I refuse to forfeit my turn.It is my turn, and I'm taking it.
1338 01:19:23 That's the spirit, Emory.
1339 01:19:25 You hit that iceberg! Don't miss it.Hit it! God damn it!
1340 01:19:29 I want a smash of a finale.
1341 01:19:31 - God, I'm drunk.-You're a falling-down-drunk-nellie-queen.
1342 01:19:34 Now that's the potcalling the kettle beige.
1343 01:19:37 I am not drunk.You cannot tell that I am drunk.
1344 01:19:41 -I'm drunk.- So am I.
1345 01:19:42 -I am a major drunk.-Shut up and dial.
1346 01:19:44 I'm a major drunkof this or any other season.
1347 01:19:56 It's ringing. It's no longer BY.
1348 01:20:00 -Hello?- One point.
1349 01:20:05 Who's speaking?
1350 01:20:07 Who?
1351 01:20:10 Dr. Delbert Botts?
1352 01:20:11 Two points.
1353 01:20:17 Del, is this really you?
1354 01:20:22 Nobody.
1355 01:20:28 Yeah, you don't know me.You wouldn't remember me.
1356 01:20:32 Um…
1357 01:20:37 I'm just a friend.
1358 01:20:40 A falling-down, drunken friend.
1359 01:20:47 Hello?
1360 01:20:51 Hello?
1361 01:20:56 Hello?
1362 01:21:10 - He hung up.-Three points total. You're winning.
1363 01:21:13 He said I must have the wrong party.
1364 01:21:15 Well, he's right. We have the wrong party.
1365 01:21:19 It's your party, Hallie.Having a good time?
1366 01:21:22 Simply fabulous.
1367 01:21:23 How about you?Are you having a good time, Emory?
1368 01:21:26 Are you having as good a timeas you thought you would?
1369 01:21:35 -My turn now.-No, it's my turn to call Charlie.
1370 01:21:38 No… Let me.
1371 01:21:42 Are you gonna call Charlie?
1372 01:21:45 Don't, Hank.
1373 01:21:46 I want to.
1374 01:21:50 Larry.
1375 01:21:54 Be my eager guest.
1376 01:21:58 Is he gonna call Charlie for you?
1377 01:22:00 Charlie is all the peopleI cheat on Hank with.
1378 01:22:03 With whom I cheat on Hank.
1379 01:22:05 The butcher, the baker,the candlestick maker.
1380 01:22:07 Right! I love 'em all,
1381 01:22:09 but what Hank refuses to understandis I gotta have 'em all.
1382 01:22:13 I'm not the marrying kind.I never will be.
1383 01:22:15 Who're you calling?
1384 01:22:16 Did it ever occur to you
1385 01:22:18 that Hank might be doingthe same thing behind your back
1386 01:22:20 that you do behind his?
1387 01:22:21 I wish to Christ he would.Would make life a hell of a lot easier.
1388 01:22:25 Who are you calling?
1389 01:22:26 Well, whoever it is, they're notsitting on top of the telephone.
1390 01:22:31 -Hello?-Must have been in the tub.
1391 01:22:33 One point.
1392 01:22:34 - I'd like to leave a message.-Oh, not in. One point.
1393 01:22:37 Would you say that Hank called?
1394 01:22:40 Yes, it is.
1395 01:22:43 -Oh, good evening. How are you?-Who the hell is that?
1396 01:22:45 Yes, that's right.The message is for my roommate, Larry.
1397 01:22:48 -Just say that I called…
1398 01:22:50 It's our answering service.
1399 01:22:52 …and said I love you.
1400 01:22:56 Hank, are you crazy?
1401 01:22:59 You heard me correctly.The message is for Larry.
1402 01:23:01 It's from me, Hank,and it is just as I said.
1403 01:23:07 I love you.
1404 01:23:12 Yeah, thanks.
1405 01:23:14 Seven points total.
1406 01:23:16 Hank, you're ahead, baby!You're way, way ahead of everybody.
1407 01:23:20 Why, Hank? Why did you do that?
1408 01:23:23 Because I do love him,and I don't care who knows it.
1409 01:23:26 - Don't say that.-Why not? It's the truth.
1410 01:23:30 I left my wife and family for Larry.
1411 01:23:32 -I'm not interested in hearing about it.-Sure you are.
1412 01:23:34 Go ahead, Hankola. Tell him all about it.
1413 01:23:36 -I don't want to hear it! It's disgusting.-Some men do it for another woman.
1414 01:23:39 Well, I can understand that.That's normal.
1415 01:23:45 It doesn't always work out that way, Alan.
1416 01:23:48 No matter how you might want it to,and God knows,
1417 01:23:50 nobody ever wanted it more than I did.
1418 01:23:55 I really and truly feltI was in love with my wife
1419 01:23:58 when I married her, but…
1420 01:24:01 there was always that something else.
1421 01:24:03 Always?
1422 01:24:09 I don't know. I suppose so.
1423 01:24:12 I've known what I wassince I was four years old.
1424 01:24:15 Oh, everybody's always known itabout you, Emory.
1425 01:24:18 I've always known it about myself, too.
1426 01:24:22 I don't knowwhen I first admitted it to myself that…
1427 01:24:27 I always labeled it something elseor denied it completely.
1428 01:24:30 Oh. "Christ, was I drunk last night."
1429 01:24:33 There came a timewhere I couldn't lie to myself anymore.
1430 01:24:37 I thought about itbut never did anything about it.
1431 01:24:44 The first timewas during my wife's last pregnancy.
1432 01:24:50 We lived near New Haven in the country.
1433 01:24:52 There wasthis teachers' meeting in New York.
1434 01:24:56 My wife didn't feel up to the trip.I came into town on my own and…
1435 01:25:01 That day on the train,I began to think about it.
1436 01:25:05 And think about it.
1437 01:25:08 And think about it.
1438 01:25:12 I thought of nothing else the whole trip.
1439 01:25:17 And then 15 minutes after I had arrived,
1440 01:25:19 I'd picked up a guy in the men's roomof Grand Central Station.
1441 01:25:22 Jesus.
1442 01:25:24 I'd never doneanything like that before.
1443 01:25:28 I was scared to death.
1444 01:26:02 He turned out to be a nice fellow.
1445 01:26:07 I've never seen him again.
1446 01:26:09 You know, it's funny.
1447 01:26:13 Can't even remember his name anymore.
1448 01:26:18 Anyway, after that, it got easier.
1449 01:26:20 Practice makes perfect.
1450 01:26:22 Then, sometime later,
1451 01:26:25 Larry and I met at a partymy wife and I went in town for.
1452 01:26:28 And your real troubles began.
1453 01:26:31 That was two years ago.
1454 01:26:35 Why am I alwaysthe goddamn villain in this piece?
1455 01:26:42 If I'm not the happy home-wrecker,
1456 01:26:44 I'm an impossibleson of a bitch to live with.
1457 01:26:47 Guilt turns to hostility.
1458 01:26:50 -Isn't that right, Michael?-Go stick your tweezers in your cheek.
1459 01:26:54 I'm fed up to the teeth
1460 01:26:55 with everybody feeling so sorryfor poor, put-upon Hank.
1461 01:26:59 Aw, Larry, everybody knowsyou're Frieda Fickle.
1462 01:27:02 Hey, I never made any promises.
1463 01:27:04 I never intend to.
1464 01:27:05 It's my right to lead my sex lifewithout answering to anybody,
1465 01:27:09 Hank included.
1466 01:27:10 And if those terms aren't acceptable,then we can't go on living together.
1467 01:27:15 Numerous relationsis a part of the way I am.
1468 01:27:18 You don't have to be gay to be a wanton.
1469 01:27:19 By the way I am,I don't mean gay. And Emory…
1470 01:27:24 You are the mostpromiscuous person I know.
1471 01:27:26 -I am not promiscuous at all!
1472 01:27:28 Not by choice, by design.
1473 01:27:30 Why would anybody want to go to bedwith a flaming little sissy like you?
1474 01:27:34 -Michael!- Who'd make a pass at you?
1475 01:27:35 I'll tell you who. Nobody.
1476 01:27:37 Except maybe some fugitivefrom the Braille Institute.
1477 01:27:40 -Why do you let him talk to you that way?-Physical beauty isn't everything.
1478 01:27:44 Thank you, Quasimodo.
1479 01:27:46 What do you think it's likeliving with a goddamn Gestapo, huh?
1480 01:27:49 Can't even take a breathwithout getting the third degree.
1481 01:27:52 -Larry, it's your turn to call.-And I am so sick of this
1482 01:27:55 let's-be-faithful-and-never-look-at-another-person routine.
1483 01:27:59 That doesn't work.If you want to promise that, fine.
1484 01:28:01 Then you promise it, and you stick to it.
1485 01:28:03 But if you have to promise it,
1486 01:28:05 as far as I'm concerned,nothing finishes a relationship faster.
1487 01:28:08 Give me Librium or give me meth.
1488 01:28:11 Yeah, freedom, baby! Freedom!
1489 01:28:12 You got to have it.It doesn't work any other way.
1490 01:28:17 And-And the ones who swear theirundying fidelity to each other are lying.
1491 01:28:24 Most of them, anyway. 90% of them.
1492 01:28:26 They cheat on each other constantlyand then lie through their teeth.
1493 01:28:30 I'm sorry I can't be like that.It drives Hank up the wall.
1494 01:28:33 There is that 10%.
1495 01:28:35 The only way it stands a chanceis with some kind of understanding.
1496 01:28:39 I've tried to go along with that.
1497 01:28:41 -Come on!-I agreed to an agreement.
1498 01:28:43 -Your agreement!- What agreement?
1499 01:28:45 A ménage.
1500 01:28:48 A lot of people think that's the answer,but that's not my style.
1501 01:28:51 I certainly didn't want it!
1502 01:28:53 -Then who suggested it?-It was a compromise!
1503 01:28:55 - Exactly!- You agreed!
1504 01:28:56 I didn't agree to anything.
1505 01:28:57 You agreed to your own proposaland then informed me that I agreed!
1506 01:29:01 I don't understand. What's a--
1507 01:29:02 I will kick you!
1508 01:29:04 The ménage, baby.Two's company, three's a ménage.
1509 01:29:10 Oh.
1510 01:29:12 It works for some.
1511 01:29:13 -Well, I'm not one for group therapy.
1512 01:29:16 I can't relate to anyoneor anything like that.
1513 01:29:19 I'm old-fashioned.
1514 01:29:20 I like 'em all,but I like 'em one at a time.
1515 01:29:24 Did you like Donaldas a single side attraction?
1516 01:29:53 Yes.
1517 01:29:58 -Did you tell him?-No.
1518 01:30:00 It was perfectly obviousfrom the moment you walked in.
1519 01:30:03 What was that song and dance
1520 01:30:04 about having seen each otherbut never having met?
1521 01:30:07 Don't look at me like that, Hank.
1522 01:30:11 You've been playing footsiewith that penguin all night.
1523 01:30:14 Oh! I suppose you want the three of usto have a go at it.
1524 01:30:17 -At least that would be together.-Well, that point eludes me.
1525 01:30:19 What kind of an understanding do you want?
1526 01:30:22 Respect!
1527 01:30:23 Respect for each other's freedomwithout any need to lie or pretend.
1528 01:30:27 Hank, in my way, I love you,
1529 01:30:30 but you have to understandalthough I want to live with you,
1530 01:30:33 sometimes there might be others.
1531 01:30:34 If that happens,I know I'll never mention it.
1532 01:30:37 But if you ask me, I will tell you.
1533 01:30:40 He gets points!
1534 01:30:42 What?
1535 01:30:44 He said it. He said "I love you" to Hank.He gets the bonus.
1536 01:30:47 -He didn't call him.-He called him.
1537 01:30:49 He just didn't use the telephone.
1538 01:30:51 - Then he doesn't get any points.-He gets five points.
1539 01:30:54 He didn't use the telephone.He doesn't get a goddamn thing!
1540 01:31:16 It's for you, Hank!
1541 01:31:31 Hello?
1542 01:31:32 One point.
1543 01:31:36 Hello, Hank.
1544 01:31:39 Two points.
1545 01:31:42 This is Larry.
1546 01:31:44 - Two more points.
1547 01:31:48 For what it's worth, I love you.
1548 01:31:53 Five-point bonus.
1549 01:31:57 I'll…
1550 01:31:59 I'll try.
1551 01:32:10 I will, too.
1552 01:32:16 -That's ten points total.-Larry is the winner.
1553 01:32:22 Well, that wasn't as much funas I thought it would be.
1554 01:32:26 Game isn't over yet.
1555 01:32:28 It's your turn, Alan.Pick up the phone, buster.
1556 01:32:32 -Michael, don't.-Stay out of this!
1557 01:32:33 You don't have to, Alan. You don't.
1558 01:32:35 Emory, I'm sorry for what I did before.
1559 01:32:41 Forget it.
1560 01:32:43 Forgive us our trespasses.
1561 01:32:45 Christ.
1562 01:32:46 You guys joined at the goddamn hip now?
1563 01:32:49 Who are you going to call, Alan? Hmm?
1564 01:32:56 Can't remember anyone?
1565 01:32:59 I believe this will be the final round.
1566 01:33:03 Michael, aren't you gonna call anyone?
1567 01:33:06 How could he? He's never loved anyone.
1568 01:33:15 ♪ No matter how you figureIt's tough to be a nigger ♪
1569 01:33:18 - Stop that, Michael!-♪ But it's tougher to be a Jew ♪
1570 01:33:22 My God, Michael, you're a charming host.
1571 01:33:25 Michael doesn't have charm, Donald.
1572 01:33:29 Michael has counter-charm.
1573 01:33:34 -Wait, are you going somewhere?-Yes, excuse me.
1574 01:33:37 You're going to miss the end of the game.
1575 01:33:40 With any luck,I won't be down until it's all over.
1576 01:34:09 What do you supposeis going on up there, hmm, Alan?
1577 01:34:14 What do you imagine that Larry and Hankare doing up there, hmm?
1578 01:34:18 Whatever they're doing,they aren't hurting anyone.
1579 01:34:20 And they're minding their own business.
1580 01:34:22 Yeah, and you mind yours, Harold.I'm warning you.
1581 01:34:27 Are you, now?
1582 01:34:29 Are you warning me?
1583 01:34:32 Me?
1584 01:34:40 I'm Harold.
1585 01:34:43 I'm the one personyou don't warn, Michael,
1586 01:34:46 because you and I are a match.
1587 01:34:49 And we tread very softly with each other
1588 01:34:52 because we both playeach other's game too well.
1589 01:34:57 I know this game you're playing.
1590 01:35:01 I know it very well,and I play it very well.
1591 01:35:04 You play it very well, too,but you know what?
1592 01:35:08 I'm the only onewho's better at it than you are.
1593 01:35:12 I can beat you at it, so don't push me.
1594 01:35:18 I'm warning you.
1595 01:35:34 You're funny, Hallie.
1596 01:35:36 You're a laugh riot. Isn't he funny, Alan?
1597 01:35:38 Or as you might say, "Isn't he amusing?"
1598 01:35:41 He's an amusing faggot, isn't he?
1599 01:35:44 Or, as you might say, freak.
1600 01:35:47 That's what you called Emory, wasn't it?A freak, a pansy.
1601 01:35:51 God, what an antiquated vocabularyyou have.
1602 01:35:54 I'm surprised you didn't say"sodomite" or "pederast."
1603 01:35:58 You better let me bring you up to date.
1604 01:36:00 Have you ever heardthe term "closet-queen"?
1605 01:36:03 You know what that means?
1606 01:36:05 Do you know what it meansto be "in the closet"?
1607 01:36:08 If you're insinuatingthat I'm a homosexual,
1608 01:36:11 I can only say that you're mistaken.
1609 01:36:14 Am I?
1610 01:36:19 What about Justin Stuart?
1611 01:36:21 What about Justin Stuart?
1612 01:36:23 You were in love with him,that's what about him.
1613 01:36:26 And that is who you are going to call.
1614 01:36:28 Justin and I were very good friends.That's all.
1615 01:36:30 According to Justin,that friendship was quite passionate.
1616 01:36:34 What do you mean?
1617 01:36:35 I mean that you slept with himin college several times.
1618 01:36:37 -That's not true.- Several times.
1619 01:36:39 One time, it's youth.Twice is a phase, maybe.
1620 01:36:42 Several times, you like it.
1621 01:36:45 -It's not true.- Yes, it is!
1622 01:36:47 Because Justin Stuart is a homosexual!
1623 01:36:51 He comes to New York on occasion,and he calls me.
1624 01:36:54 I've taken him to parties.
1625 01:36:55 Larry had him once,and he has told me all about you.
1626 01:36:59 Then he told you a lie.
1627 01:37:00 You were obsessed with Justin.
1628 01:37:03 That is all you talked aboutmorning, noon and night.
1629 01:37:07 You started doing itabout Hank upstairs tonight.
1630 01:37:10 "What an attractive fella he is."All that transparent crap.
1631 01:37:13 -I said he was attractive. That's all.-How many times do you have to say it?
1632 01:37:17 How many timesdid you have to say it about Justin?
1633 01:37:21 What a good tennis player he was,what a good dancer he was,
1634 01:37:25 what a good body he had,how bright he was,
1635 01:37:28 how amusing he was,how-how the girls were all mad for him,
1636 01:37:32 what close friends you were.
1637 01:37:34 We were very close, very good friends.That's all.
1638 01:37:37 It was obvious.
1639 01:37:39 And when you did it around Fran,it was downright embarrassing.
1640 01:37:42 -Even she must have her doubts about you.-Justin lied.
1641 01:37:46 If he told you that, he lied.
1642 01:37:48 He'd say anything about me nowto get even.
1643 01:37:52 He could never get overthe fact that I dropped him.
1644 01:37:54 You ended the friendship, Alan,
1645 01:37:57 because you couldn't facethe truth about yourself.
1646 01:38:00 You could go on sleeping with Justinas long as he lied to himself
1647 01:38:04 and you lied to yourself.
1648 01:38:06 And you both dated girlsand you labeled yourselves men
1649 01:38:10 and you called yourselves"just fond friends,"
1650 01:38:13 but Justin finally had to be honest,and you couldn't take it.
1651 01:38:17 -You couldn't take it, and so…-No.
1652 01:38:19 …you destroyed the friendshipand your friend along with it.
1653 01:38:21 - No.-Oh, yes.
1654 01:38:22 Justin never understood what he haddone wrong to make you drop him.
1655 01:38:27 -He blamed himself.- No.
1656 01:38:28 He did,until he eventually found out who he was.
1657 01:38:31 -And what he was.- No!
1658 01:38:33 But to this day,he still remembers the treatment.
1659 01:38:36 -Scars he got from you.-No.
1660 01:38:38 You pick up this phone,and you call Justin.
1661 01:38:41 No.
1662 01:38:42 I want you to call him and apologize.
1663 01:38:44 You tell him what you should havetold him many years ago.
1664 01:38:47 -He lied. Not a word of it is true!- Call him!
1665 01:38:53 All right, then I'll dial.
1666 01:38:56 You're so helpful.
1667 01:38:59 Give it to me.
1668 01:39:34 Hello?
1669 01:39:36 One point.
1670 01:39:39 It's Alan.
1671 01:39:40 Two points.
1672 01:39:43 -Yes. Yes, it's me.- Is that Justin?
1673 01:39:47 - You sound surprised.
1674 01:39:49 I should hope to think so,after all this time.
1675 01:39:51 Two more points.
1676 01:39:54 I'm in New York.
1677 01:39:57 Yes, I…
1678 01:40:01 I won't explain now, I just…
1679 01:40:05 called to tell you…
1680 01:40:09 That I love you. God damn it, I love you.
1681 01:40:16 I love you.
1682 01:40:18 You get the goddamn bonus.Ten points total. Jackpot!
1683 01:40:22 -I love you, and I beg you to forgive me.-Give me that. Give me that!
1684 01:40:26 Justin, did you hearwhat that son of a bitch said?
1685 01:40:33 Fran.
1686 01:40:36 No, of course I knew it was you.
1687 01:40:41 How are you?
1688 01:40:44 Yes.
1689 01:40:46 Yes, he told me everything.
1690 01:40:49 No, now, don't thank me.
1691 01:40:51 Please. Please, don't thank me.
1692 01:40:57 I'll put him back on.
1693 01:41:03 My love to the kids.
1694 01:41:15 Darling, I'll takethe first plane I can get.
1695 01:41:20 Yes, I'm sorry, too.
1696 01:41:23 I love you very much.
1697 01:41:54 Thank you, Michael.
1698 01:42:09 Who won?
1699 01:42:11 It was a tie.
1700 01:42:21 -Now, it is my turn.
1701 01:42:27 And ready or not, Michael, here goes.
1702 01:42:34 You are a sad… and pathetic man.
1703 01:42:43 You're a homosexual,and you don't want to be.
1704 01:42:48 But there isnothing you can do to change it.
1705 01:42:53 Not all your prayers to your God,
1706 01:42:58 not all the analysis you can buyin all the years you have yet to live.
1707 01:43:06 We may very well one day be able to knowwhat it is to live a heterosexual life
1708 01:43:12 if you want it desperately enough,
1709 01:43:17 if you pursue it with the fervorwith which you annihilate.
1710 01:43:28 But you will always be homosexual as well.
1711 01:43:35 Always, Michael.
1712 01:43:40 Always.
1713 01:43:44 Until the day you die.
1714 01:43:53 Oh, friends…
1715 01:43:57 thank you for a nifty partyand a super gift.
1716 01:44:01 It's just what I needed.
1717 01:44:11 Bernard, thank you.
1718 01:44:17 And you'll get him home?
1719 01:44:18 Don't worry about her.I'll take care of everything.
1720 01:44:25 Good to see you, Donald.
1721 01:44:27 Good night, Harold.
1722 01:44:29 -See you again sometime.-Yeah.
1723 01:44:35 How about a year from Shavuot?
1724 01:44:39 Come on, Tex. Let's go to my place.
1725 01:44:45 Are you good in bed?
1726 01:44:49 Well… I try to show a little affection.
1727 01:44:55 Keeps me from feeling like such a whore.
1728 01:45:03 Uh, Michael, thanks for the laughs.
1729 01:45:13 Call you tomorrow.
1730 01:45:21 Come on, Bernard. Time to go home.
1731 01:45:24 Mary, you're a heavy mother.
1732 01:45:27 Why'd I call?
1733 01:45:31 -Why?-Hey, thank you, Michael.
1734 01:45:33 -Good night, Donald.- Good night, Emory.
1735 01:45:42 I'm gonnatake you for some coffee,
1736 01:45:44 and everything's gonna be all right.
1737 01:45:46 -Careful.
1738 01:46:12 Donald?
1739 01:46:14 -Donald, Donald. Donald?-Michael?
1740 01:46:17 -Oh, my God, what have I done?-Christ, Michael.
1741 01:46:19 -Oh, God.-Michael, I'm not--
1742 01:46:21 Oh, no. Oh, no.
1743 01:46:24 -Hey, hey.-God, Donald. Oh, my God, no!
1744 01:46:26 -I'll get you some water. Here.-God, what have I done?
1745 01:46:29 -Hey, stop it. Stop it.-Jesus, God.
1746 01:46:31 I'm gonna give you a Valium.
1747 01:46:32 -No! Not pills and alcohol. I'm gonna die!-I'm not…
1748 01:46:35 Come on, take this. You're scaring me.
1749 01:46:37 Stop that crying. Take this pill.
1750 01:46:44 Come here.Come here, Michael.
1751 01:46:45 -Come here, Michael! Come here!-Get off of me!
1752 01:46:48 Jesus Christ.
1753 01:46:55 -Hey.
1754 01:46:59 It's okay.
1755 01:47:02 It's okay.
1756 01:47:08 It's okay.
1757 01:47:13 Hey, it's okay.
1758 01:47:17 It's okay.
1759 01:47:26 Who was it that always used to say,
1760 01:47:29 "Show me a happy homosexual,and I'll show you a gay corpse"?
1761 01:47:35 I don't know.
1762 01:47:37 Who was it who always used to say that?
1763 01:47:43 If we couldjust not hate ourselves so much.
1764 01:47:48 That's it, you know?
1765 01:47:53 If we could just…
1766 01:47:55 Oh. If we could just learnnot to hate ourselves…
1767 01:48:00 quite so very much.
1768 01:48:03 Yes, I know.
1769 01:48:08 -I know.
1770 01:48:24 Okay.
1771 01:48:37 By the way,I think your analyst is a quack.
1772 01:48:42 -Earlier, you said he was a prick.-That's right. He's a prick quack.
1773 01:48:46 -Or a quack prick. Whichever you prefer.-Okay.
1774 01:48:54 Harold was right.
1775 01:49:01 You'll never change.
1776 01:49:28 You suppose there's any possibilityof just flushing this place?
1777 01:49:38 What time is it?
1778 01:49:39 It's early.
1779 01:49:44 Where are you going?
1780 01:49:48 The bedroom's ocupado,
1781 01:49:51 and I don't wantto go to sleep yet anyway.
1782 01:49:54 I'm gonna try and walk off this booze.
1783 01:49:57 If I went to sleep right now,
1784 01:49:58 when I woke up,they'd have to put me in a padded cell.
1785 01:50:02 Not that that's where I don't belong.
1786 01:50:10 There's a midnight massover at St. Malachy's
1787 01:50:12 that all the show people go to. I th--
1788 01:50:15 I think I'll walk over and catch it.
1789 01:50:20 Well, pray for me.
1790 01:50:25 Maybe they'll be gone when I get back.
1791 01:50:31 Will I see you again next Saturday?
1792 01:50:36 Unless you have other plans.
1793 01:50:41 No.
1794 01:50:44 - Michael.-What?
1795 01:50:47 Did he ever tell youwhy he was crying on the phone?
1796 01:50:50 No.
1797 01:50:52 It must have been that he'd left Fran.
1798 01:50:56 Or maybe it was something else,and he changed his mind.
1799 01:50:59 Maybe so.
1800 01:51:03 I wonder why he left her.
1801 01:51:07 As my father said to mewhen he died in my arms,
1802 01:51:12 "I don't understand any of it."
1803 01:51:15 "I never did."
1804 01:51:18 Turn out the lightswhen you leave, will you?
1805 01:52:31 What? Oh.