谋杀疑案2 Murder Mystery 2(2023)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:36 Four years ago,Nick and Audrey Spitz
2 00:00:39 solved some of the mosthigh-profile murders of the century.
3 00:00:46 Oh my God! Oh my God!
4 00:00:48 - Should we pull it out?- No, it's a foot-long knife.
5 00:00:50 - I'll put it back in.
6 00:00:52 - Don't put it back.
7 00:00:54 Like many overnight success stories,
8 00:00:57 Nick and Audreyimmediately quit their jobs
9 00:00:59 and poured their life savings
10 00:01:01 into pursuing a careeras private investigators.
11 00:01:04 - Hmm.
12 00:01:06 Uh...
13 00:01:07 - Yeah.- Would you excuse me?
14 00:01:09 Mm. Yes, not a problem.
15 00:01:12 Are you kidding me right nowwith those potato chips?
16 00:01:14 Are you seriously yelling at me?I watched you eat two shrimp cocktails.
17 00:01:18 Stop distracting me. Okay?
18 00:01:20 Unfortunately,it's not going very well.
19 00:01:23 Men get to a certain stage in their life.It's nothing to do with you.
20 00:01:26 Not all men.
21 00:01:28 - No, but--- Don't get mad at me for this.
22 00:01:30 - You've been cheating on me, Ron.
23 00:01:33 - Really? After 25 years?
24 00:01:36 Baby...
25 00:01:37 I've been going out on my own so I couldplan a surprise wedding anniversary.
26 00:01:40 - No, that's so sweet!- That's...
27 00:01:42 - Come on. I love you.- I'm so sorry.
28 00:01:44 Excuse us, you guys.
29 00:01:46 If you don't mind just paying this bill,
30 00:01:48 we'll be out of your lovebuggin' hair.
31 00:01:50 - A bill? You're billing her?- Yeah, no.
32 00:01:52 We made a deal--
33 00:01:53 You were hitting on me!
34 00:01:55 - I was undercover.-Pretend--
35 00:01:56 This keeps getting better and better.
36 00:01:57 With business struggling,Nick and Audrey
37 00:02:00 could only pray for a miracle...
38 00:02:01 You better run!
39 00:02:02 ...that someone close to them
40 00:02:04 would be killed.
41 00:02:18 Oh God!
42 00:02:20 Honey, honey, honey. Hey!
43 00:02:22 Can't you put on beach wavesor something nice?
44 00:02:24 The whale noiseshelp me fall asleep.
45 00:02:26 - You took away my Ambien, so...- You know why?
46 00:02:29 Remember the last time you took Ambien?
47 00:02:31 You went sleepwalking into the lobby
48 00:02:33 wearing my underwear, and thenyou started watering the couch.
49 00:02:36 I don't remember doing that.
50 00:02:37 Look. Doorman took a picture.It's my screen saver.
51 00:02:41 - Uh, that's somebody else.- Okay.
52 00:02:43 Listen, baby, if you can't sleep, um,
53 00:02:48 we could try to, uh,
54 00:02:50 knock out a chapter together.
55 00:02:52 I read a few pages.
56 00:02:54 That guy doesn't knowwhat he's talking about.
57 00:02:56 Honey, this is the guythat wrote the test.
58 00:02:58 The test you need to take to get licensed.
59 00:03:00 I was a real cop.
60 00:03:01 I don't need some piece of papertelling me I know what I'm doing.
61 00:03:04 I know what I'm doing!
62 00:03:05 But we both agreedthat it would help our business
63 00:03:08 if we just, you know, took the course.
64 00:03:10 Do you really think our businessis struggling because of that?
65 00:03:12 I think we would get better clienteleif both of us were licensed.
66 00:03:16 Only way to get better clienteleis better marketing.
67 00:03:18 Better marketing?Like your floss business cards?
68 00:03:21 - Yes.- Seriously? God!
69 00:03:23 It's called "disruptive marketing."
70 00:03:25 It's not disruptive. It's confusing.We're not dentists. We're--
71 00:03:30 I can talk louder than the sound machine.
72 00:03:31 - Honey, come on!
73 00:03:33 Fine. Forget it.
74 00:03:36 Do you not wanna do this anymore?
75 00:03:38 I do. I wanna do this. It's just...
76 00:03:40 It's all we ever do is talk about work.
77 00:03:43 Do you know any couples who alsowork together that actually get along?
78 00:03:47 Billie Eilish and Finneas.
79 00:03:49 They're brother and sister.
80 00:03:50 Look, baby, I know this isn'twhat we pictured when we got into this--
81 00:03:56 What the hell is that?
82 00:03:58 Uh, it's my phone.
83 00:04:02 Yo! Rajah! Namaste. What's up, my brother?
84 00:04:06 Yo! What are you doing, Nicky Nick?
85 00:04:09 Are you mowing your lawn or something?What do I hear right now?
86 00:04:11 Yo, I'm chillin' on a Jet Ski, dog!
87 00:04:15 On a Jet Ski and on the phoneat the same time?
88 00:04:18 Yo, Nick.Broski. My brosephus.
89 00:04:20 The Maharajah is getting married!
90 00:04:24 Oh, that's incredible!
91 00:04:26 Let me tell Audrey. Audrey!
92 00:04:28 He's getting married.
93 00:04:29 - What?- Oh yeah.
94 00:04:31 Vik! Congratulations!We're so happy for you!
95 00:04:35 Thank you! She's a dime piece from Paris.
96 00:04:38 You know,where the Eiffel Tower is and shit.
97 00:04:41 I'm getting married this weekendon my new private island.
98 00:04:44 I want you and Nick to come,all expenses paid.
99 00:04:47 I need to see you two ballersout on the dance floor busting a nut!
100 00:04:52 "Busting a move," you mean.
101 00:04:54 Nah, dude, I got...
102 00:04:55 Oh shit!
103 00:04:57 - What's happening?
104 00:04:59 Did you hear "all-expenses-paid"?
105 00:05:01 - We have to work this weekend.- I gotta say, I could use a getaway.
106 00:05:05 Remember what happenedlast time we went on a getaway?
107 00:05:08 Yeah, some people died.
108 00:05:10 Not s-- A lot of people.
109 00:05:11 You think five people dying's a lot?
110 00:05:13 All right. Hold on.Just gonna think for a second.
111 00:05:16 - She's caving in.- Okay, so...
112 00:05:18 - She's caving in.- Just wait.
113 00:05:20 No. Go ahead.
114 00:05:21 Okay, I do agree.
115 00:05:23 I think we could both usea little bit of a break.
116 00:05:26 - A break?- From all this.
117 00:05:27 - Just no work for a minute, you know?- Not--
118 00:05:30 - It's--- No. For at least a weekend.
119 00:05:32 The whole weekend.We can... Let's not... Let's just...
120 00:05:35 Our minds need the no work.
121 00:05:36 - I can't talk--- I got chills! Goosebumps!
122 00:05:38 'Cause we're gonna do this, aren't we?
123 00:05:44 - Wow. How about that. Mm-hmm.- Such a good decision.
124 00:05:47 You like the view, Mr. and Mrs. Shitz?
125 00:05:50 Oh. You know what?Excuse me. I'm so sorry. It's...
126 00:05:53 We're Nick and Audrey Spitz. It's, um...
127 00:05:55 But, yes, it's a gorgeous view.
128 00:05:58 Would you like some music,Mr. and Mrs. Shitz?
129 00:06:01 We're the Spitzes not the Shitzes. Okay?
130 00:06:04 Yes, I have some Pitbullor, uh, Taylor Shitz.
131 00:06:08 - Okay. He's sticking with the Shitz.- Puts "Shitz" at the end of everything.
132 00:06:12 Where are you from?
133 00:06:13 I'm, uh, from the, uh... European!
134 00:06:16 We're guessing Shitzerland?
135 00:06:22 ♪ Ooh, girl, don't you stopTell your mom, girl ♪
136 00:06:25 ♪ And I won't stop itUntil you're mine, girl ♪
137 00:06:27 ♪ And you can't stop thatUntil you're mine, girl ♪
138 00:06:29 ♪ And I can't find out what you want ♪
139 00:06:32 ♪ Tell your mom, girl, and I won't stop itUntil you're mine, girl ♪
140 00:06:35 ♪ And you can't stop thatUntil you're mine, girl, ha ♪
141 00:06:38 ♪ Ooh, girl, don't you stop... ♪
142 00:06:40 Let me get off this.What the heck? Thank you!
143 00:06:43 This is unbelievable!I'm gonna cry!
144 00:06:45 - Did we die? Are we in heaven? What the--- This is so nice!
145 00:06:49 The flamingos got diapers onso they don't crap the lawn!
146 00:06:52 Wow!
147 00:06:54 Nick and Audrey!
148 00:06:56 - Hey! My man!- Hey, hey, hey!
149 00:06:58 - Maharajah!- The heroes of Lake Como!
150 00:07:00 And my sister and my brotherfrom another mother!
151 00:07:04 - Oh my God!
152 00:07:06 - Hey! Oh my God!
153 00:07:09 - Look at you!- Oh!
154 00:07:10 Nick and Audrey, may I present to youMademoiselle Claudette Joubert.
155 00:07:14 Joubert.
156 00:07:15 I'm Audrey.It is such a pleasure to meet you.
157 00:07:18 You are more beautifulthan Vikram described.
158 00:07:20 Oh! Oh. Oh.
159 00:07:23 - That's funny. Got 'em all.- Oh!
160 00:07:25 Four? I thought it was two.
161 00:07:27 And Nick.
162 00:07:28 - I've been wanting to meet you.- All right!
163 00:07:31 Congratulations.
164 00:07:34 Thank you. I appreciate that.Yeah. I love it.
165 00:07:38 - Okay! All right, stop!- What happened?
166 00:07:40 Cut it out!
167 00:07:42 Please, come.
168 00:07:43 I have to tell you,Paris is my favorite city in the world.
169 00:07:46 - When was the last time you were there?- Hmm. Oh, I've actually not been there.
170 00:07:49 But I just know from the moviesand from the pictures and--
171 00:07:53 Hey, thanks for the wedding invite.So happy you could squeeze us in.
172 00:07:56 - No, for sure, man!- Unbelievable!
173 00:07:57 We had extra seats 'cause my parents died.
174 00:07:59 - Ooh! I'm--- Oh! I'm so sorry.
175 00:08:01 That's terrible.
176 00:08:02 No! I'm just kidding!
177 00:08:04 Oh, okay. So, they're coming?
178 00:08:07 Uh, no, they died,but they were never gonna come.
179 00:08:11 'Cause I hated them.
180 00:08:12 - There you go. All right. That's--- Okay.
181 00:08:14 Oh. Colonel, you know the Spitzes.
182 00:08:17 - What?- Colonel!
183 00:08:19 My friends!
184 00:08:20 - My God!- Oh my God. What happened to your arm?
185 00:08:23 Is it that noticeable?
186 00:08:25 Last time we saw you,you had a lot more of... of your arm.
187 00:08:29 Well, if I had to lose one,that would be the one to lose
188 00:08:32 because it's already missing a hand.
189 00:08:34 You don't have to share the armrest nowat the movie theater.
190 00:08:37 - Yo, yo, yo. But real talk.
191 00:08:40 The Colonel stopped a bulletmeant for me in Mumbai.
192 00:08:43 - You kidding?- Somebody tried to shoot you?
193 00:08:45 Yeah. Some people don't likethe way my company does business.
194 00:08:48 Sadly, the Colonel's injury stops himfrom protecting me to the fullest,
195 00:08:52 so I had to get me a new head bodyguard.
196 00:08:54 Mr. Louis!
197 00:08:55 - Check it out, right?- Hello, Louis!
198 00:08:58 And, yo, my man is fully armed.
199 00:09:00 He's fully armed. That's funny!
200 00:09:02 Okay. I hopeyou don't find anything in there.
201 00:09:04 - I hope not!
202 00:09:06 I hate to say it.
203 00:09:07 If you and the Colonel are ever caughtin a fight, my money's on the Colonel.
204 00:09:11 He'd open a can of whoop asswith his, uh... with his good arm.
205 00:09:14 No? You didn't like that one?I was joking around.
206 00:09:16 - Nice to meet you.- Let's go.
207 00:09:17 Follow me.
208 00:09:18 Coming. Coming.
209 00:09:25 Sounds great!
210 00:09:26 I'm assuming you've never beento an Indian wedding before.
211 00:09:29 - Why would you assume that?- Oh, so you have?
212 00:09:31 Uh, no.
213 00:09:32 So tonight is the Sangeet.It's like a rehearsal dinner.
214 00:09:37 And then we have, um, a very dramaticsurprise entrance plan
215 00:09:41 that I think you'll findquite entertaining.
216 00:09:43 - I need to take this.
217 00:09:45 Your villa should have everythingyou need. Make yourselves at home.
218 00:09:50 - And we--- Bye! Enjoy!
219 00:09:51 - Bye. Thank you.- No more kisses. Cool.
220 00:09:53 She was working in a watch shopoff La Place Vendôme when I met her.
221 00:09:56 Not a penny to her name.
222 00:09:58 Love at first sight, you know what I mean?
223 00:10:00 She just fills me with like...
224 00:10:02 - With happiness.- That's nice.
225 00:10:03 I see that same happiness in you two
226 00:10:05 when you look at each other.
227 00:10:08 You guys are happy, right?
228 00:10:09 - Us? Are you kidding?- Without her, I would not be happy.
229 00:10:12 - With her, I'm the happiest.- Not a day goes by where I just wanna go...
230 00:10:15 I love you so much.
231 00:10:16 She makes every decision for us,and I'm fine with that.
232 00:10:19 - Now get in there and have fun, all right?- Thank you so much.
233 00:10:22 - Enjoy yourself.- Okay. Oh, so we...
234 00:10:24 - Okay. Bye, buddy!- Louis, let's go.
235 00:10:30 Oh my God!
236 00:10:37 I mean, goddamn.
237 00:10:40 Goddamn!
238 00:10:41 Look at this! Oh my God!
239 00:10:43 - Look at this! This!- Wow!
240 00:10:45 - Babe, the TV's gigantic!- Oh my God.
241 00:10:49 - Look at this thing!
242 00:10:51 - Huh?
243 00:10:56 What?!
244 00:10:57 Oh!
245 00:10:58 We got a convertible, baby!
246 00:11:00 Put this... in your face.
247 00:11:03 Mm-hmm.
248 00:11:05 Is this unicorn cheese?
249 00:11:06 - Oh my God. Baby, a gift box.- Okay.
250 00:11:08 I'm gonna go with one morepiece of cheese, then I'm done with this.
251 00:11:11 - What? Are these for us?- Earrings?
252 00:11:13 - Oh!- These are good ones, aren't they?
253 00:11:15 I cannot believe this!
254 00:11:17 - We get our own iPhones!- No way!
255 00:11:19 - What did we give out at our wedding?- Oh, flip-flops!
256 00:11:22 Flip-flops,and we gave out Advil or some shit?
257 00:11:24 - Vintage Air Jordans?- This is insane!
258 00:11:26 My size?
259 00:11:27 Wouldn't be a gift box from the Maharajahif it didn't have something kinky in it.
260 00:11:31 - Those are gonna get you in trouble.- You promise?
261 00:11:33 - Oh! I like that response. Okay.- Hey!
262 00:11:37 - What?- Okay.
263 00:11:39 Wait.
264 00:11:40 We just... This has just happened.
265 00:11:41 - How'd they do that so fast?- It's incredible.
266 00:11:44 Honey! It says "Nick and Audrey"!
267 00:11:47 - Oh my God! You gotta come in this bed!- I'm coming, baby!
268 00:11:51 - Oh!- I'm coming! I'm coming! Hey!
269 00:11:53 Oh my God!
270 00:11:55 Ow! Baby!
271 00:11:56 - Oh!- Oh!
272 00:11:57 - Oh gosh.- All right. What?
273 00:11:59 I don't knowif I packed appropriately for this event.
274 00:12:01 - I gotta check.- I'm coming with!
275 00:12:03 - I gotta check.- I'm coming with! Let's go!
276 00:12:09 Oh!
277 00:12:12 - Oh my God!- Okay, that's good.
278 00:12:14 That's your stuff. Yeah.
279 00:12:16 Do you see this?
280 00:12:17 - I've never seen anything--- All right.
281 00:12:30 - Baby, you look so handsome.- I...
282 00:12:32 I can't believe you pulled that off.
283 00:12:35 - Well, I'm gonna pull that off.- Let's go.
284 00:12:37 Please tell meyou're gonna keep that.
285 00:12:42 Oh my God!
286 00:12:46 - Hi!- Hey, how are ya?
287 00:12:53 Audrey!
288 00:12:55 - Ah, Colonel!- Hey.
289 00:12:57 - Stunning!- Thank you!
290 00:12:58 Oh, how handsome are you, man?
291 00:13:00 I only have eye for you, Nick.
292 00:13:02 Oh! You better keep it that way!All right!
293 00:13:10 In a most beautiful placeon a most beautiful night,
294 00:13:13 you have to bethe most beautiful thing of all.
295 00:13:16 Um...
296 00:13:18 Whoa. Okay. Definitely kissingevery single finger I have.
297 00:13:21 I have made loveto more than 10,000 women.
298 00:13:24 - None as ravishing as you.
299 00:13:26 Okay. Well, speakingof staggering numbers,
300 00:13:28 this is my husband of 16 years.
301 00:13:31 I've made love to one woman.
302 00:13:32 - And I did it terribly, by the way.- All right.
303 00:13:35 Holy sh-- This is... You're that guy,Francisco Perez, yeah?
304 00:13:39 This guy used to be a soccer player.
305 00:13:40 He headbutted some dude one timeand put him into a coma.
306 00:13:43 Yeah. I know. I hit him so hard,he lost his ability to blink.
307 00:13:48 Anyway, it was so nice to meet you.So, we're go--
308 00:13:50 What about you?How do you know the Maharajah?
309 00:13:52 Well, after I retired from football,
310 00:13:54 his father made methe chairman of the board of directors
311 00:13:57 of Shiz-Vik, his company.
312 00:13:58 Also, I helped him land that beautifulbride of his, the blonde.
313 00:14:03 Although she has nothingon this one. My God.
314 00:14:06 - Okay.- Okay.
315 00:14:07 I'll see you in a second.
316 00:14:09 $10,000, you can have one night with her.
317 00:14:11 I'm kidding, you sick bastard.
318 00:14:19 That's quite the plate.
319 00:14:21 Do they not have food where you come from?
320 00:14:24 Oh, um...
321 00:14:26 No, you know, I just... I'm so usedto my husband just eating off my plate,
322 00:14:30 so it's sort of become a habit.
323 00:14:32 But, no, you're absolutely right.I don't need this.
324 00:14:34 No, no, no! Don't put it back.
325 00:14:37 - I was not gonna do that.
326 00:14:40 Americans.
327 00:14:42 Americans.
328 00:15:00 Would you care for one?
329 00:15:02 Oh, I'm so good.Thank you. Maybe another time.
330 00:15:06 - So, um...- Thank you.
331 00:15:07 Are you on the bride's side?
332 00:15:09 No, I'm Saira, groom's sister.
333 00:15:11 I did not know Vik had a sister.
334 00:15:14 Yeah.
335 00:15:17 - These are very low tables!
336 00:15:20 Are you reading 'cause you don't likeweddings like this, or...
337 00:15:23 No, you know,it's more that I don't like people.
338 00:15:26 I mean, these people in particular.
339 00:15:28 I guess as long as Claudetteand your brother have fun,
340 00:15:32 that's all that matters.
341 00:15:33 Right. I don't really understandhow anyone gets married.
342 00:15:36 Spending so much timewith one person. Can you imagine?
343 00:15:39 - Hmm...
344 00:15:45 Well, speaking of my one person,
345 00:15:49 there he is.
346 00:15:50 Nick, this is Saira.
347 00:15:53 This is Vik's sister.
348 00:15:55 - Would you...- No.
349 00:15:56 - You good?- She's good.
350 00:15:57 - I am Nick. Nice to meet you.- Saira.
351 00:15:59 Love your brother, by the way.
352 00:16:00 - He's hysterical.- Right.
353 00:16:02 Oh boy.
354 00:16:05 Okay, if you're trying to seduce me,it's really not working.
355 00:16:08 Oh my God.
356 00:16:09 Hey, Nick. I was just thinkingabout your lovely wife.
357 00:16:13 Oh, you again.
358 00:16:14 I see you've already met Francisco.
359 00:16:16 And I guess you're both acquaintedwith Vikram's harpy of a sister.
360 00:16:19 - Did he say "herpe"?- Harpy.
361 00:16:21 Countess! How humiliating it must befor you to see Claudette
362 00:16:25 actually close a deal with the Maharajah.
363 00:16:27 Ever wonder whatyou might have done wrong, dear?
364 00:16:30 Ever wonder what it feels liketo be tall enough to ride a rollercoaster?
365 00:16:38 That's Countess Sekou.
366 00:16:39 She's Vik's ex-fiancée,
367 00:16:41 and she'sClaudette's old university roommate.
368 00:16:44 And they're still friends?She's quite rude, by the way.
369 00:16:47 Well, on top of all that,she's also Claudette's maid of honor.
370 00:16:50 - What?- Yeah.
371 00:16:51 Hope you watched the videobecause the dancing is about to begin!
372 00:16:55 - What dancing?- I'm gonna fake going to the bathroom.
373 00:16:58 - I don't dance. You dance.- I didn't get a video. Did you?
374 00:17:00 They brought one to the room.
375 00:17:01 - I forgot to tell you.- Thanks.
376 00:17:29 Ladies and gentlemen,please help me welcome the bride!
377 00:17:52 You get 'em!
378 00:18:06 Come with us!
379 00:18:22 All right, come on!
380 00:18:30 - Come on, baby!
381 00:18:39 And now it's time!
382 00:18:41 The moment you've all been waiting for.
383 00:18:44 The groom, Vikram Govindan!
384 00:18:48 This is crazy!
385 00:19:09 Brother!
386 00:19:10 Back! Get everybody back!Get everybody back!
387 00:19:12 Stay back!
388 00:19:13 Vik!
389 00:19:14 - Okay, all right.
390 00:19:17 Is he dead?
391 00:19:20 It's not him. It's not Vik.
392 00:19:22 Oh, thank God! It's only Mr. Lou.
393 00:19:25 - Who did this to you?- Where is Vik? Hey!
394 00:19:28 Who? What? Oh my gosh!
395 00:19:30 Where is Vik?
396 00:19:31 - Who did this to you?- Who was it? Do you remember?
397 00:19:33 It was...
398 00:19:34 Say it. Say it.Don't die. Don't die!
399 00:19:37 - Oh my gosh!- Where is Vik?
400 00:19:39 Clear! Clear! Come on!
401 00:19:41 - Come on! Come on! Come on! Go!- Clear!
402 00:19:44 - This is a distraction.- From what?
403 00:19:47 From the escape!
404 00:20:03 - Are you serious?
405 00:20:05 What do you meanall communication systems are down?
406 00:20:07 Get them up and running!
407 00:20:08 We have a security officer compromised.We need medical attention immediately.
408 00:20:12 Okay.
409 00:20:14 Help!
410 00:20:15 Yo, you hatin’ hard on me right now, son!
411 00:20:18 - Homeboy!- Nick!
412 00:20:25 Nick!
413 00:20:27 This is some janky-ass shit!
414 00:20:31 Lock down the island
415 00:20:33 until the security camerasare back online.
416 00:20:36 All guests are to remain in their rooms.
417 00:20:38 Oh my God. We need to get ahead of this,or our shares will plummet.
418 00:20:41 My brother could be dead
419 00:20:43 and the only thing you're concerned aboutare share prices?
420 00:20:45 Oh!
421 00:20:47 How do you think our investors will reactwhen news of this gets out,
422 00:20:51 you little Miss Minority Shareholder?
423 00:20:53 Giving all her moneyto save the whales and heal the planet
424 00:20:56 and all that nonsense.
425 00:20:58 Colonel. Where is Vik?
426 00:21:01 Where is my husband?
427 00:21:03 We will find him.We will find him.
428 00:21:07 The Maharajah's been kidnapped.
429 00:21:09 - What?- Oh my God!
430 00:21:10 - Where did they take him?- He's alive.
431 00:21:12 Somebody with a machine gunthrew him on a boat, and they took off.
432 00:21:16 - How many kidnappers?- One.
433 00:21:17 Which means his partneris still here on the island.
434 00:21:20 Hold on. How do you know there were two?
435 00:21:22 If the kidnapper had Vikand was taking him to the boat...
436 00:21:25 Ah, someone elsewas leading the elephant into the tent.
437 00:21:28 - Thank you.- There are 400 people on this island.
438 00:21:31 That's a lot of suspects.
439 00:21:32 Let us narrow it down for you,okay, Colonel?
440 00:21:34 Claudette, how many people knew aboutthe elephant being part of the ceremony?
441 00:21:38 Just the board.
442 00:21:39 Yeah, we had to sign off at the expenseof transporting an elephant.
443 00:21:42 So that means all of you.
444 00:21:44 What are you implying?
445 00:21:45 I think it's very obviouswhat I'm implying.
446 00:21:48 - Mm-hmm.- One of you is an accomplice to a murder.
447 00:21:54 - That is ridiculous!- I'm not on the board!
448 00:21:56 Is it? You all hated my brother!
449 00:21:59 What? No, I... I love Vik.
450 00:22:01 Oh, please!
451 00:22:03 - You've never forgiven me.- For what?
452 00:22:05 - Breaking up your engagement.- Oh, get over yourself.
453 00:22:08 It was an arranged marriagebetween our families.
454 00:22:11 We amicably split in order to allowfor your so-called "love marriage."
455 00:22:16 You didn't want this marriageto go through so you kidnapped him!
456 00:22:18 You gold-digging--
457 00:22:20 - Ladies, stop it!- Calm down, everybody!
458 00:22:24 - We do this for a living. It's what we do.- It's our thing.
459 00:22:27 - And this is not just another case.- No.
460 00:22:28 - This is personal.- Yeah, it's Vik.
461 00:22:31 - He means a lot to us.- So we'll find out who did this.
462 00:22:34 - A hundred percent.- And find out why they did this.
463 00:22:37 And we're gonna get Vik back, okay?
464 00:22:39 We're gonna do thisfor the low, low price of $25 million.
465 00:22:46 Twenty-five mil, honey. I swear to God.
466 00:22:48 I would've settled for ten grand.
467 00:22:50 So insane.
468 00:22:54 What are you doing?
469 00:22:56 I'm blocking the doorso no one can get in.
470 00:22:58 Honey, you're gonna hurt your back.
471 00:23:00 You know what would hurt my back?A knife going through it.
472 00:23:03 The killer knows we're on to him.
473 00:23:04 We're on the next-to-kill list.I guarantee it.
474 00:23:06 What happened to Vik?
475 00:23:07 A guy that richgets kidnapped for the money.
476 00:23:10 There's no profit in hurting him.
477 00:23:11 Oh God. We're not gonna be invitedanywhere ever again. Ever again.
478 00:23:15 The cheese has a hold on me, honey.I can't stop.
479 00:23:17 Are you just... Will you take a slicelike a civilized person?
480 00:23:20 I don't know where the knife is.
481 00:23:22 - Oh Jesus!- What? You got a headache?
482 00:23:24 - Yes!- I'm sorry.
483 00:23:26 - How's your back?- My back's killing me.
484 00:23:27 - I'll get Advil.- Please. Please.
485 00:23:29 - I'm gonna get more cheese in me.- Honey, do not eat all that cheese.
486 00:23:32 That affects... You're terrible all night.
487 00:23:34 - Absolutely.- Oh.
488 00:23:36 And I have pictures from the tentof a burned robe with bloodstains.
489 00:23:39 Someone was tryingto get rid of the evidence,
490 00:23:41 and I'm sure it was the elephant handler.
491 00:23:43 Good detecting, sweetheart.
492 00:23:45 - I'm doing my best. Here.- Okay. Thank you.
493 00:23:47 - One, two, three, four.- Okay.
494 00:23:52 I gotta move this stuff now?
495 00:23:54 What if that's the killer?
496 00:23:55 - Killers don't knock.- What if it's housekeeping?
497 00:23:57 We... We're good! We don't need any towels.
498 00:24:00 No! No! We do need towels.Leave 'em out front, please!
499 00:24:03 We've been here ten minutes.You need more towels?
500 00:24:05 You use 30 towels after every shower.
501 00:24:07 I'm sorry. At least I shower.
502 00:24:08 All right, you got me there.
503 00:24:10 It's me, Francisco!
504 00:24:11 Francisco?
505 00:24:12 Wait, wait, wait. What if he's the killer?
506 00:24:15 The only thinghe wants to murder is your hm-hm!
507 00:24:17 Hey!
508 00:24:18 - Hurry! There's no time!- Be right there!
509 00:24:20 - We're hurrying!- We know!
510 00:24:25 So sorry.
511 00:24:26 - Hey.- Hey.
512 00:24:29 - You.- Mm-hmm.
513 00:24:31 Gorgeous.
514 00:24:33 Jesus Christ. All right.
515 00:24:36 Put this back. You said hurry.
516 00:24:37 What's... How can we help?
517 00:24:39 - I have information.- Yes.
518 00:24:41 Everyone thinks Claudetteis this gold digger,
519 00:24:43 but what's not so well knownis the fact that, as a precaution,
520 00:24:47 the board made her sign a brutal prenup.
521 00:24:50 So that means if Vik divorces her,she's left with nothin'.
522 00:24:58 - I gotta move this shit again?- Wait. Wait. Who is it?
523 00:25:01 It's Claudette.You must hear what I have to say.
524 00:25:03 Okay, one second.
525 00:25:05 Let's get you in the closet.
526 00:25:06 Okay, be right there.I gotta get some cheese.
527 00:25:09 - Okay. Just go in there.
528 00:25:11 No! Get off of... Jesus!
529 00:25:13 - Coming, Claudette!- Sorry! One second.
530 00:25:17 Hurry!
531 00:25:18 - Hello, Claudette.- Hi.
532 00:25:23 They all think I'm marrying Vik
533 00:25:24 just for the money,especially the Countess.
534 00:25:27 She's been jealous of meever since we met.
535 00:25:29 - Really? I can imagine why.- I can imagine.
536 00:25:31 But still, she was my best friend.
537 00:25:34 - Right.- Sure.
538 00:25:35 - You know?- Yeah.
539 00:25:36 - We were so close.- Oh!
540 00:25:38 And I think I just miss her sometimes.
541 00:25:41 - Oh, sorry.
542 00:25:44 - I just wanna know who kidnapped my Vik.- Mm-hmm.
543 00:25:47 They all have something to gain from this.
544 00:25:49 Pfft!
545 00:25:50 Pfft!
546 00:25:51 Pfft!
547 00:25:52 - Terrible.- I can't trust any of them!
548 00:25:55 - There's a gun.- A gun?
549 00:25:56 The Colonel,so bitter about his demotion.
550 00:25:59 Saira, always starved for attention.
551 00:26:02 And Vik had just discovered
552 00:26:04 Francisco's dark secret.
553 00:26:06 - What?- He had a secret?
554 00:26:08 - Oh!- Oh God.
555 00:26:10 - We don't need to do that.- That's cool.
556 00:26:13 Who is it?
557 00:26:14 It's Saira. Let me in.
558 00:26:15 Uh, okay. One second.
559 00:26:16 - I need to hide. The closet!- No, no, no!
560 00:26:18 - It's too dark.- Here. Come on.
561 00:26:20 - She has all her stuff.- One second, Saira!
562 00:26:22 Coming! Be right there!
563 00:26:26 Okay, gotta get to you!
564 00:26:27 - So sorry. One second.- Moving around some stuff for fun!
565 00:26:31 - I know who you need to be looking at.- Who?
566 00:26:34 - Claudette!- Claudette?
567 00:26:35 I told Vik she was bad newsthe minute I met her.
568 00:26:38 She's suspicious,narcissistic, manipulative,
569 00:26:40 and looks cheap as wellin that red dress--
570 00:26:42 Excuse me! I'm so sorry to interrupt,but I feel like I'd be a rude hostess
571 00:26:45 if I didn't offer you a piece of thisexquisite artisan cheese that's...
572 00:26:49 Nick, where's this...Where's that cheese? The big--
573 00:26:51 - The cheese is gone.- Where is it?
574 00:26:53 I put it, uh, in my stomach.
575 00:26:54 You ate that entire block of cheese?
576 00:26:56 Trying to shame me. I don't knowif that's gonna get the cheese back--
577 00:26:59 I'm sorry. I don't mean to be selfish--
578 00:27:01 Sorry. Hold on. You know what?
579 00:27:03 Let me give you a drink right nowjust to relax you a little bit.
580 00:27:07 - Here.- I... I don't want that.
581 00:27:08 - No? Okay.- I'm okay.
582 00:27:11 - Oh shit.- Who is it?
583 00:27:13 - Not sure.- You expecting someone?
584 00:27:15 It's like an after-party.People just show up.
585 00:27:18 Let's put you into the bedroom,just in case, 'cause I don't know.
586 00:27:21 - I'll hide there.- Don't hide in there! Why?
587 00:27:23 That's an obvious spot.
588 00:27:24 - Is it hot in here?- I'm hot too.
589 00:27:26 - I'm coming!
590 00:27:28 What if that is the killer?
591 00:27:29 Don't you kinda want itto be the killer so they can kill us?
592 00:27:32 I am sick of this shit.
593 00:27:33 - Baby, I do not feel very good.
594 00:27:37 What's doin'? Yeah?
595 00:27:40 Hey, great to see you.
596 00:27:42 What's going on?
597 00:27:47 I know who did it.
598 00:27:48 Who?
599 00:27:51 It was Francisco.
600 00:27:53 Francisco!
601 00:27:54 He has had over 85 paternity suitsfiled against him.
602 00:27:58 We suspect he's been siphoning moneyout of the company
603 00:28:00 in order to payfor all of these babies he made.
604 00:28:02 That's a lie!
605 00:28:04 Not the part about the babies.
606 00:28:06 Yes, that's true.I've spread my seed far and wide,
607 00:28:09 but I have never stolen in my life.
608 00:28:11 - What are you doing here?- An excellent question.
609 00:28:14 - What are you all doing here?- Saira's here.
610 00:28:18 - Nobody move!- Oh my God!
611 00:28:20 I ain't moving.
612 00:28:23 It's mine. It's mine.
613 00:28:26 - I missed it.- Missed the call?
614 00:28:29 I have a message.
615 00:28:34 We have the Maharajah.
616 00:28:36 If you contact the authorities, he dies.
617 00:28:39 We'll make our demandsknown to you at 7:00 a.m.
618 00:28:42 That voice is hysterical.You got to admit it.
619 00:28:45 So we should all stay here.Correct, Colonel?
620 00:28:47 Because one of us is definitelyworking with the kidnapper.
621 00:28:51 Yeah. Motives, opportunities.
622 00:28:55 Somebody here.
623 00:28:56 My head is spinning a little bit.
624 00:28:58 Honey?
625 00:29:00 Babe, are you taking a nap?I'm tired, too, so let's, uh...
626 00:29:05 Nobody leave hereuntil we figure out who did what.
627 00:29:07 It's great to see everybody.
628 00:29:09 - Thanks for coming over. Sorry, my bad.- Whoa!
629 00:29:17 Hmm!
630 00:29:27 Jesus! What?
631 00:29:31 Oh my God. Nick?
632 00:29:32 - Yeah.- Nick?
633 00:29:34 Yeah?
634 00:29:35 - Nick!- Uh-huh.
635 00:29:36 Nicky, honey.Get up. Get up! We got roofied.
636 00:29:39 - What happened?- Baby. Oh my God! We fell asleep!
637 00:29:42 - Oh yeah?- Honey!
638 00:29:43 We're sleeping now.
639 00:29:44 I don't know what happened. Uh, I...
640 00:29:47 - Come on! Get up, Nick!- Okay. Up. I'm up.
641 00:29:49 Who did this?
642 00:29:50 What? Now they're just showing off.
643 00:29:53 - Hurry up!- Okay, I'm coming, honey. So...
644 00:29:56 - Get up!- I'm up!
645 00:29:58 - Calm down before you say anything.- Nobody drugs us and gets away with it!
646 00:30:02 - Maybe they didn't drug us.- It's illegal!
647 00:30:03 Maybe we just ate too much.
648 00:30:04 - That's why we passed out.- Nick. Audrey. Just in time.
649 00:30:08 - For what?- For what?
650 00:30:09 The real detectives have just arrived.
651 00:30:18 Connor Miller.
652 00:30:19 - Former MI6 hostage negotiator.
653 00:30:22 Oh my God.Specializes in high-profile cases.
654 00:30:25 He got the President of Uruguay's sonback from the cartel.
655 00:30:28 - He wrote the book. He wrote the book.- On what?
656 00:30:30 How Rogaine doesn't work for everybody?
657 00:30:32 The book! Our course detective book!
658 00:30:36 Greetings.I hear you need a case solved.
659 00:30:40 Colonel. Been a long time.
660 00:30:42 Francisco Perez.
661 00:30:44 Huh?
662 00:30:45 Big fan.
663 00:30:46 - Oh.- Hey.
664 00:30:47 Mr. Miller, we're also very big fans.Um, we can bring you up to speed.
665 00:30:51 So what we know already is thatthis is at least a two-person job.
666 00:30:54 I saw the first guyescape with Vik on a boat,
667 00:30:58 leaving the second guystill on the island.
668 00:31:00 Also, just so you know,we were both drugged last night.
669 00:31:03 I don't know if we were drugged.We did have a few drinks--
670 00:31:05 - You must be the Spitzes.- Yes.
671 00:31:07 Yes, we are!
672 00:31:08 Your reputations precede you.
673 00:31:10 - There you go.- Why, thank you.
674 00:31:11 - That's nice to hear.- Uh, not in a positive way, I'm afraid.
675 00:31:14 Okay.
676 00:31:16 I understand the last timeyou were involved in something like this,
677 00:31:19 everybody died?
678 00:31:20 Well, that was not the Maharajah.
679 00:31:22 How's he doing now?
680 00:31:24 - Okay.- Right.
681 00:31:25 The Colonel's still here,most of him, so there. That's good.
682 00:31:28 Um, listen.Mr. Miller, I read your book, and--
683 00:31:30 Colonel, I wanna seeall the security footage.
684 00:31:33 All the footagewas wiped from the mainframe.
685 00:31:35 Yeah, 'cause it's an inside job.
686 00:31:36 Mademoiselle Joubert,
687 00:31:37 we'll need your phonefor a vocal analysis of the voice mail.
688 00:31:40 Of course. Anything you need.
689 00:31:41 They're professional, no doubt.They were concise and brief on the phone.
690 00:31:45 We also have reason to believe
691 00:31:46 that the inside manwas posing as an elephant handler.
692 00:31:50 You really wanna dosuspects now, Mrs. Spitz?
693 00:31:52 - Sure.- Fine.
694 00:31:54 How about this? Uh...
695 00:31:55 A husband and wife,one an NYPD almost-detective,
696 00:31:58 the other a hairdressertaking online classes.
697 00:32:01 Together they runa private detective agency
698 00:32:03 teetering on the edge of bankruptcy.
699 00:32:05 And if I were to hazard a guess,
700 00:32:07 I'd say it's probablytaking a toll on their marriage.
701 00:32:09 Desperate to give validityto their failing business,
702 00:32:12 they accept a last-minute invitefrom a billionaire to attend his wedding.
703 00:32:16 And so a plan is born.
704 00:32:17 Twenty-four hours after their arrival,there's a high-profile kidnapping,
705 00:32:21 the sort that gets attention.
706 00:32:22 A career maker.
707 00:32:25 How's my reasoning, fellow... detectives?
708 00:32:28 - Pretty excellent. None of it was true.- Gorgeous.
709 00:32:30 I was starting to go with it'cause of the way you phrase things.
710 00:32:33 - I almost believed him.- The accent helps.
711 00:32:35 Call trace is ready. Kidnappers should becalling in any minute.
712 00:32:38 If you'll excuse me, I have a job to do.
713 00:32:40 - Okay, so listen.- Yes, honey.
714 00:32:41 We got good cheese. We got free iPhones.I'm happy with everything.
715 00:32:45 Where are you going? Did you hearwhat that guy just said about us?
716 00:32:48 - Yeah.- None of that's true!
717 00:32:50 We need to show those peoplewhat Nick and Audrey Spitz are all about.
718 00:32:53 The guy's good! I don't think he needs us.
719 00:32:55 - Nick. Audrey.- What?
720 00:32:56 The kidnapper sayshe'll only talk to the man he shot at.
721 00:32:59 They need us. All right. They need us.
722 00:33:01 - Let's go!- Let's go!
723 00:33:05 - They're here.
724 00:33:09 - He's calling back in a minute.- Okay.
725 00:33:11 You need to keep him calm,keep him talking.
726 00:33:13 - We need at least--- Forty-five seconds.
727 00:33:14 - I know. It's not my first rodeo, pal.- You've done hostage negotiation?
728 00:33:18 I'm married to this lady.Everything's a negotiation. I got it.
729 00:33:21 Appreciate it.
730 00:33:29 So 45 seconds, and it starts... now.
731 00:33:33 Hi. Kidnapper, how are you?
732 00:33:35 Is this the manwho tried to stop me on my escape?
733 00:33:38 Yes, yes, yes, the man you shot at.
734 00:33:40 Luckily, I got out of the way.
735 00:33:43 Tell me what we can doto get Vik back safely.
736 00:33:46 That's all we really care about.
737 00:33:47 For the returnof the Maharajah, we require $50 million.
738 00:33:52 Fifty putos millones?
739 00:33:54 - Sh!
740 00:33:56 Francisco, you think this isThe Price Is Right, screaming out numbers?
741 00:34:00 Way too much money for just one guy.
742 00:34:01 Great. Just lost the trace. Thanks.
743 00:34:04 - It's my fault? This guy's yelling shit--- Why are you yelling at me?
744 00:34:07 - You were directing at me--- I yelled at that guy!
745 00:34:09 The guy's hammered right now,and I'm catching shit for it!
746 00:34:12 There's the"taking-a-toll-on-the-marriage" thing.
747 00:34:14 Excuse me! At least we are married.
748 00:34:16 Yeah. Calm down. This is howwe communicate. We're from New York.
749 00:34:19 Can we remain calm?
750 00:34:20 - I'm sorry. Of course.- We're calm.
751 00:34:22 He wants the money. He's gonna call back.
752 00:34:23 - Relax.- Yup.
753 00:34:25 - Here we go. Okay.
754 00:34:27 - Here we go.- Got this!
755 00:34:28 Forty-five seconds starts again now.
756 00:34:31 Sorry about that, man.A lot of anxious people here.
757 00:34:33 One drunk guy. We all got that friend.
758 00:34:35 The price just went up to 60.
759 00:34:39 They say, "Great. No problem."
760 00:34:41 You will bring $60 millionin untraceable bearer bonds
761 00:34:44 to the Arc de Triomphe in Parisat 8:00 p.m. tomorrow night
762 00:34:47 and wait with this phonefor further instructions.
763 00:34:50 Hello, excuse me.I'm so sorry to interrupt.
764 00:34:52 But we are going to need unequivocalevidence that the hostage is still alive.
765 00:34:58 You will receive proof of lifebefore the exchange.
766 00:35:01 - Cool.- Thank you very much.
767 00:35:03 Arc de Triomphe, 8:00 p.m.,or the Maharajah dies.
768 00:35:07 The voice jumbling thing you got on your...It's hard to understand you.
769 00:35:10 - The location, yes.- Can you do that again? Where is it?
770 00:35:13 - Arc de Triomphe.- This is what you sound like...
771 00:35:18 - That's what we hear.- Arc de Triomphe!
772 00:35:20 Okay, so Arctic Tree Hump.
773 00:35:23 Got it. You said that, right?
774 00:35:24 The price just went up to 70 now!
775 00:35:27 Seventy million,or the Maharajah dies a painful death.
776 00:35:31 Muhammad Ali dies, you say?
777 00:35:32 - Oh my God!-
778 00:35:34 You just cost us20 extra million, you doofus!
779 00:35:39 I don't want these buffoons involved.
780 00:35:41 I'm afraid the kidnapper does,so we're stuck with them.
781 00:35:43 They did it. Got the trace.
782 00:35:45 - We did?- Aha!
783 00:35:47 - See? Team Buffoon wins again!- Thank you!
784 00:35:49 You can go back in the ocean now, Miller.We got this.
785 00:35:52 We're going to Paris. Everybody pack.Be ready to leave in one hour.
786 00:35:55 ♪ Paris, Paris, ParisParis, Paris, Paris... ♪
787 00:36:01 Wow!
788 00:36:05 Let's go and do some sightseeingafter the ransom paying.
789 00:36:07 - Can we do that?- Of course!
790 00:36:09 Can we just...You know what? After we get Vik back,
791 00:36:11 we could goand renew our vows at Love Locks Bridge.
792 00:36:16 It's a date.
793 00:36:17 I'm gonna need your phones.
794 00:36:19 - Need our phones?- Why?
795 00:36:20 - They're compromised.- Oh, okay.
796 00:36:23 We'll get 'em back, right?These are brand-new. We got 'em for free.
797 00:36:26 In the gift bags. They gave 'em to us--
798 00:36:30 - Can't believe that happened.- We're not getting them back.
799 00:36:32 I had a dick pic on mine, but that's gone.
800 00:36:34 Let's not obsess about phones.
801 00:36:36 The only important phone isthe one the kidnapper will call on. Here.
802 00:36:39 I set it up so we can hear everything.I'm gonna need one of you to be armed.
803 00:36:43 - Mr. Spitz, can you handle a gun?- Yes.
804 00:36:45 - I told you, I was on the force. What?- Um...
805 00:36:47 I just think maybe I should handle it.
806 00:36:49 -You should handle it?- Just--
807 00:36:51 - Why would that--- Your aim is--
808 00:36:52 My aim? My aim is fine.
809 00:36:53 - Why are you saying this?- He can't hear--
810 00:36:55 That's like me saying you wear Spanxin front of a supermodel.
811 00:36:58 So, uh, I'll take the gun'cause I'm very good with a gun.
812 00:37:02 They used to call me "Nicky Guns"on the force. That was my nickname.
813 00:37:05 Gang members used to ask me for adviceon the weekends 'cause I shot so well.
814 00:37:09 I'd say, "I can't.I don't wanna help you guys."
815 00:37:11 You take the gun.
816 00:37:12 I'll take the gun.I got the phone, and you got the money.
817 00:37:15 When they call, I want you to followthe three rules of ransom drops
818 00:37:18 from Chapter 12 of my book.
819 00:37:19 Can you do that? Remember what they are?
820 00:37:21 Number one.Um, follow all reasonable instructions.
821 00:37:25 - Yes.- Number two.
822 00:37:26 Do not hand off the ransomuntil you see the kidnappee.
823 00:37:31 Exactly.
824 00:37:31 And number three. Do not goto a secondary location with them.
825 00:37:36 Perfect. You'll be fine.
826 00:37:38 Off you go.
827 00:37:39 - Okay.-"Nicky Guns" style. Let's go!
828 00:37:49 - Cool.- I'm gonna hand you this.
829 00:37:52 You gotta tell mewho on earth ever called you "Nicky Guns."
830 00:37:54 You gotta tell me who didn't call me that.Everybody called me that.
831 00:37:57 This is the heaviest goddamn
832 00:37:59 case of money I've ever felt.
833 00:38:01 Why couldn't they Venmo?This thing weighs...
834 00:38:03 My hands are killing me.
835 00:38:04 I'm gonna go two hands.Does that look weird?
836 00:38:06 - Your hands are cute.- "Cute"? What does that mean?
837 00:38:09 - You have cute hands.- Your family has orangutan ha--
838 00:38:11 You grew up thinkinggiant hands are normal.
839 00:38:14 I never said dainty hands.
840 00:38:15 I said it's weird to high-five you'cause your hands are little.
841 00:38:18 They're average hands.
842 00:38:19 - Your grandmother can palm a bulldog.- Oh, please.
843 00:38:22 Shit, shit, shit. That's the phone.
844 00:38:24 Okay, here we go.
845 00:38:26 Initiate the trace.
846 00:38:27 Hi. Bonjour, uh, madame ormademoiselle or monsieur. Go ahead.
847 00:38:33 Nick, it's me!
848 00:38:35 Rajah! You okay?
849 00:38:36 So we got the money, and we justneed to know where to bring it.
850 00:38:39 So tell us,and we'll get you out of there.
851 00:38:42 - What happened?
852 00:38:43 You have your proof of life.Now take the money to the van at the curb.
853 00:38:47 Okay.
854 00:38:48 - Wh-- Wh-- What van?- Van?
855 00:38:50 What van are we talking about?That van there?
856 00:38:52 Don't point, you idiot!Just casually walk in that direction.
857 00:38:55 Okay. Okay. I'm coming.
858 00:38:57 Anything out of the ordinary,and the Maharajah dies.
859 00:38:59 Don't do that. Okay, we're coming.
860 00:39:02 We gotta go to the van.
861 00:39:03 - That van?- No! Don't point.
862 00:39:05 He doesn't like pointing. That van.
863 00:39:09 Oh shit.
864 00:39:09 Get in the van.
865 00:39:11 We'll give you the moneyin exchange for the Maharajah.
866 00:39:14 He's not far.
867 00:39:15 Get in the van.
868 00:39:17 - Don't get in the van!
869 00:39:19 - That wasn't part of the deal.- Number three. Don't get in the van.
870 00:39:22 Get in the van,or I'll shoot you both in the stomach,
871 00:39:25 take you to the countryside,and feed you to the swine.
872 00:39:28 - Okay. Let's get in the van.- Okay, okay, okay.
873 00:39:30 Okay, sorry. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
874 00:39:36 Stupid Americans.
875 00:39:46 - Give us the money!- Give you the money.
876 00:39:48 - All right. You got it.- Just give him the money!
877 00:39:50 - One second.- I do have these too.
878 00:39:52 What the fuck?
879 00:39:53 I brought these for usin case we wanted to celebrate after,
880 00:39:56 but I'm gonna change the plans.
881 00:39:58 So what I'll do is put this on here,and I'll put this on here.
882 00:40:02 This goes wherever we go now.
883 00:40:05 You understand? I don't know where the--
884 00:40:07 - No!- What happened?
885 00:40:08 - What happened?- Hello?
886 00:40:10 We're offline?
887 00:40:11 Stand by.
888 00:40:12 Take us to the Maharajah now.What do you think of that?
889 00:40:15 Chop off his hand.
890 00:40:17 - Chop off my hand?- What?
891 00:40:18 - Yes!- No! Hatchet!
892 00:40:20 - Find the key.- I do know where the key is.
893 00:40:21 - Look in here.- No, no, no. Shoot.
894 00:40:23 - Shoot, I can't find it.- Check your other pockets!
895 00:40:25 Son of a gun! I can't seemto pull the trigger on finding the key.
896 00:40:30 - What are you talking about?- Your gun! Shoot this asshole!
897 00:40:39 Oh my God!
898 00:40:49 Oh my God!
899 00:40:50 Oh my God, I'm so sorry!
900 00:40:52 Don't apologize, honey.You killed the kidnapper!
901 00:40:56 Oh my God!
902 00:40:59 Shoot this guy!
903 00:41:01 Can I shoot him in the leg?I don't wanna kill anybody else!
904 00:41:03 What is the difference?You're already a murderer!
905 00:41:06 I don't wanna be a mass murderer!
906 00:41:11 - Grab the hatchet!- Okay!
907 00:41:19 What?
908 00:41:22 Oh my God!
909 00:41:23 Sweetheart,you're not just a mass murderer.
910 00:41:26 You're an axe murderer!
911 00:41:28 Honey, he's moving. Oh my God.
912 00:41:30 I think he might be... He might be okay.
913 00:41:33 Those are death twitches, honey!
914 00:41:40 Jesus!
915 00:41:44 His foot's on the gas!
916 00:41:47 - Grab the wheel!- Oh God!
917 00:41:57 Oh shit! It's so gross!I touched... I touched it!
918 00:42:02 Oh yeah! Who's gonna feed whoto the swine now, huh?
919 00:42:06 That's the dead guy, Nick!
920 00:42:08 Oh yeah.
921 00:42:15 People, move!
922 00:42:21 Oh shit!
923 00:42:22 Are you literally hitting everything?
924 00:42:37 - Door's open!- Oh my God! What did you do?
925 00:42:45 Oh God! Honey!
926 00:42:51 Whoa! Oh!
927 00:42:54 Oh my God!
928 00:42:59 Argh!
929 00:43:01 Honey, pole!
930 00:43:02 - What?- There's a pole!
931 00:43:05 I can't hear you!
932 00:43:08 Oh my God.
933 00:43:09 Never mind.
934 00:43:15 Okay, baby.
935 00:43:31 - Bonjour.- Bonjour. Are you all okay?
936 00:43:34 - Sorry. Let me get down.- Careful. Oh my goodness!
937 00:43:37 - Ow! Jesus!- Everybody okay there?
938 00:43:39 - Oh my God.- Hi. Hi. How was lunch?
939 00:43:43 - What?- What?
940 00:43:44 Nick and Audrey Spitz...
941 00:43:46 - What?- What?
942 00:43:49 Oh no.
943 00:43:52 - Wait. What? No!- What the--
944 00:43:54 I didn't take a cheese knife.I took the cheese!
945 00:43:56 Why did you grab it?Why did you have cheese?
946 00:43:58 I had cheesebecause I had the hookah munchies,
947 00:44:00 and it was good cheese.
948 00:44:02 That knife never left the room, Nick.
949 00:44:04 But it did leave the room. Maybe theystole the knife so they could deepfake us.
950 00:44:08 - Our fingerprints are all over it!-C'est caca!
951 00:44:10 - We did not do this.- Television say bullshit!
952 00:44:13 - We're not capable of doing anything...- Nous sommes innocents!
953 00:44:17 - Innocents!- ...like this.
954 00:44:18 Like, uh, opposite of O.J.!
955 00:44:20 We would never do this.
956 00:44:22 - I swear! I promise you!- No.
957 00:44:37 - Hey!
958 00:44:38 Oh God!
959 00:44:40 I told you not to get in the van.
960 00:44:42 - We--- The guy had a gun!
961 00:44:43 - What do you mean? You had a gun!- Yeah--
962 00:44:45 - I used the gun!- She used it good!
963 00:44:47 Do you seewhat they're doing to us on the TV?
964 00:44:50 - That's been digitally altered.- Yes!
965 00:44:52 - I knew you'd see through that.- Thank you for noticing. That's a pro.
966 00:44:55 Is the case intact?
967 00:45:02 Well!
968 00:45:03 We did that!
969 00:45:04 - That was nice!- How did they find us so fast?
970 00:45:07 They've got 70 million reasons.
971 00:45:08 - Ah!- Give me the case. Do you have the key?
972 00:45:11 The key? For what?These are sex handcuffs.
973 00:45:13 Look. All I gotta do is this.
974 00:45:18 Okay. When they see me with this,they'll follow me.
975 00:45:21 - Right.- Nothing I can't handle.
976 00:45:22 I see that.
977 00:45:23 Meet at the Madeleine, 1900 hours.
978 00:45:25 No problem. Yeah, we'll be there.
979 00:45:28 I was harsh about your business before.
980 00:45:29 We may not be equals,but we do share a passion.
981 00:45:33 I see that now.
982 00:45:34 Hurrah!
983 00:45:35 Hey, I was wrong. That guy is a stud.
984 00:45:37 Honey...
985 00:45:39 What if Miller's the kidnapper?
986 00:45:40 He said he's gonna meet usat 1900 hours at the Madeleine.
987 00:45:43 I know, but bad people, they lie.
988 00:45:45 All right?And we just handed the guy $70 million.
989 00:45:49 - Oh God. Maybe you're right.- I'm just saying.
990 00:45:55 Nope, you were wrong.
991 00:46:01 - Who's this?- I don't know. Where'd he come from?
992 00:46:04 - He's gonna walk into the flames?- He walked right into that.
993 00:46:09 He's got the case!
994 00:46:11 - No! Oh my God!- Now I'm very confused!
995 00:46:13 - Oh no. Who's that guy?- This guy?
996 00:46:16 Oh my God!
997 00:46:18 N-E-4-1-3-D-A-N.
998 00:46:21 We're Europe's most wanted again.We better run!
999 00:46:23 - I'm gonna grab... Okay.- Grab that hat.
1000 00:46:26 - What is... Um...- What is this?
1001 00:46:28 - It's Delacroix! That guy loves us.
1002 00:46:33 - I understood "opera." Okay. Go, go, go!- Okay. Okay.
1003 00:47:13 - How?- Surprise!
1004 00:47:15 Audrey and Nick!
1005 00:47:16 - Smoke rings! How you doing?- Hi! Did you get our Christmas card?
1006 00:47:19 I'm fine, and yes.The matching sweaters were a nice touch.
1007 00:47:22 - That was my idea.
1008 00:47:24 So, hey, we need a little bit of help.
1009 00:47:26 - We need a lot of help.- Yeah.
1010 00:47:29 - You are under arrest.- No!
1011 00:47:32 I can never tellwhen you're being serious.
1012 00:47:34 He looks serious. Are you serious?
1013 00:47:35 For kidnapping the Maharajah,
1014 00:47:37 murdering his bodyguard,
1015 00:47:39 stealing $70 million,
1016 00:47:41 destroying many city blocks,
1017 00:47:43 and, I'm assuming,sneaking into the opera.
1018 00:47:46 - We didn't do all of that.- We did number four and number six.
1019 00:47:48 We're just... We're being framed.
1020 00:47:50 We got a hunch who really did it.
1021 00:47:52 We need you to trackthis license plate for us.
1022 00:47:54 Nothing would give me greater pleasure,
1023 00:47:56 but then I would have to immediatelyreport such help to my superiors,
1024 00:48:00 or I would be guiltyof aiding and abetting.
1025 00:48:03 How's this? We can tie you up,
1026 00:48:05 and then you can saywe forced you into helping us.
1027 00:48:09 Wait, wait. Who are you calling?
1028 00:48:11 I'm not calling anyone.
1029 00:48:12 I have an appto track the vehicle with that plate.
1030 00:48:16 They have an app for that?
1031 00:48:17 - Mm-hmm.- Tsk!
1032 00:48:19 God. You got Shazam on that after?
1033 00:48:21 I just... I wanna know what song this is.
1034 00:48:24 So the app saysthe truck is parked out by a château
1035 00:48:28 that's 80 kilometers away?
1036 00:48:30 Mm-hmm. Excuse me.
1037 00:48:31 Can you scratch my nose?
1038 00:48:34 Oh.
1039 00:48:35 Uh... Uh, softer.
1040 00:48:36 Softer. Hmm.
1041 00:48:41 - Thank you.- Also, do you have a car we can borrow?
1042 00:48:44 - The keys are in my pants pocket.- Okay.
1043 00:48:46 You talking to Audrey on that one too?I'll handle the pants pocket.
1044 00:48:49 What can I say?Shooters gotta shoot.
1045 00:48:53 Okay, is this a potato or a key'cause I'm... Okay, got it.
1046 00:48:56 - We'll take care of it.- Hey, hey.
1047 00:48:58 Okay, no food in my car.
1048 00:49:02 Man, I bet Delacroix'sgot a sick-ass vehicle.
1049 00:49:14 Excuse me.
1050 00:49:17 Bonsoir, Inspector.
1051 00:49:18 - Bonsoir, Colonel!- Enchanté!
1052 00:49:26 The police are looking for you.
1053 00:49:27 Yeah, no kidding.Colonel, we did not do this.
1054 00:49:30 I know that,
1055 00:49:31 but they have your fingerprintsall over the murder weapon
1056 00:49:34 and footage of yourunning out of the tent with it.
1057 00:49:36 - Yeah.- Typical Spitz vacation insanity.
1058 00:49:39 Miller's dead, by the way,and we lost the money.
1059 00:49:42 It just looks like you took it.
1060 00:49:43 It gets worse! The kidnappers just called.They've given us
1061 00:49:46 a midnight deadlineto come up with the money,
1062 00:49:48 or they will kill the Maharajah.
1063 00:49:50 Okay, Colonel,will you just stall for us until then?
1064 00:49:52 - Merci beaucoup!- Thank you, Colonel!
1065 00:50:08 Oh my God!
1066 00:50:09 Well, now you know whythe kidnapper needs $70 million.
1067 00:50:13 For the heating bill.
1068 00:50:17 - Uh-huh.
1069 00:50:19 Oh boy.
1070 00:50:20 Okay, so that moat's, like, three meters?
1071 00:50:24 I think I can clear that.
1072 00:50:26 Nick, three meters is, like, ten feet.
1073 00:50:28 I had the high school recordfor the long jump.
1074 00:50:30 And I'm not kidding.I went further than that back in the day.
1075 00:50:33 - Hmm. Did you?- Yeah.
1076 00:50:35 What'd they call you back then?"Nicky Long Legs"?
1077 00:50:38 You're mocking me?
1078 00:50:39 You're not gonna make that jump.
1079 00:50:41 It doesn't make me feel goodto prove you wrong, but I'm gonna.
1080 00:50:44 - All right?- Mm-hmm.
1081 00:50:49 Okay, from that angle,it does look further than three meters.
1082 00:50:52 - Oh shoot.- What do you think?
1083 00:50:53 - Do you think maybe you could do it?- Now you want me to make that jump?
1084 00:50:59 Bonsoir.
1085 00:51:00 Countess?
1086 00:51:01 Surprised?
1087 00:51:02 Yeah.
1088 00:51:03 - Did you hear we just said...- "Countess?"
1089 00:51:07 Oh God.
1090 00:51:11 Where's Vik?
1091 00:51:14 I guess the kidnappers have him.
1092 00:51:15 Kid... You're not the kidnappers?
1093 00:51:17 No, no, no.
1094 00:51:19 I would never do such a thing.Vikram is my friend.
1095 00:51:22 Your friend.
1096 00:51:24 You loved him.
1097 00:51:26 Oh God!
1098 00:51:27 - I love money.- Hmm, hmm, hmm.
1099 00:51:29 When I heard you two amateursare gonna be handling so much of it,
1100 00:51:32 I just had to have it.
1101 00:51:33 "Had to have it."
1102 00:51:35 - So you didn't plant that knife?- Or deepfake that footage?
1103 00:51:38 Or slip somethinginto our drinks that night at the villa?
1104 00:51:41 - Why bring that up? It's not relevant.- Of course that is relevant!
1105 00:51:44 - It's extremely relev--- All right! All right! Jesus!
1106 00:51:47 - God!- Yo.
1107 00:51:48 Two bad guys never works out.
1108 00:51:50 - One always double-crosses the other.- It's a cliché of the genre.
1109 00:51:53 - We've seen this before. Trust us.- So many times.
1110 00:51:56 - Save yourself.- Please.
1111 00:51:57 Imani? Is the car ready for our getaway?
1112 00:51:59 - Yes, Countess.- Brilliant.
1113 00:52:02 - No!- No! Don't!
1114 00:52:06 - Oh my God.- I couldn't have been more clear.
1115 00:52:08 That is the cliché.
1116 00:52:09 - Yeah.- Right there.
1117 00:52:11 Mm-hmm.
1118 00:52:11 With any luck, the smoke will get to youbefore the flames do.
1119 00:52:19 - No!
1120 00:52:21 Oops.
1121 00:52:26 What?
1122 00:52:27 Triple cross.
1123 00:52:34 Oh my God. We are so getting blamedfor both those assholes being dead.
1124 00:52:37 Let's go!
1125 00:52:38 - We gotta hop out of here!- Okay!
1126 00:52:40 - Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Together!
1127 00:52:42 - Oh my God!- Go, go, go! Back, back, back!
1128 00:52:44 To the window! To the window! Go, go!
1129 00:52:46 Back, back, back!
1130 00:52:47 - Oh shit!
1131 00:52:48 - Jesus!- Are you okay?
1132 00:52:49 - Are you okay?- You gotta roll away.
1133 00:52:52 - No! That way!
1134 00:52:54 Oh my God, you're so big!
1135 00:52:56 That's what you said on our honeymoon,but like then, we gotta keep trying.
1136 00:53:01 Oh my God, honey! I don't even knowwhere we're rolling to, honey!
1137 00:53:05 - I don't know!- Oh my God!
1138 00:53:09 I was the one who roofied us.
1139 00:53:11 Wha-- What?
1140 00:53:12 I mean, you did it,but it was because of me.
1141 00:53:15 I keep my Ambien in the Advil bottlethat you use, and I...
1142 00:53:19 I just get so stressed out. I'm sorry.
1143 00:53:21 It was all me.
1144 00:53:22 Don't apologize.I'm the one who needs to apologize.
1145 00:53:25 I have been criticizing you so much.I feel terrible.
1146 00:53:28 - I'm sorry.- No. It doesn't matter.
1147 00:53:30 Your billboardsand dental floss business cards--
1148 00:53:32 - Dental floss business cards.- I know, and I didn't think...
1149 00:53:35 - It's not that it was a bad idea--- The razor thing on the card!
1150 00:53:37 I can use it to cut the tape!I got one in my pocket!
1151 00:53:40 - Where?- Right here in the back pocket.
1152 00:53:42 Oh! Hold on. Hold on! Hold on!
1153 00:53:44 I'm trying to find it.
1154 00:53:45 Help me. Help me. Get it.
1155 00:53:47 Get it. Get it. Reach.
1156 00:53:48 - Reach down. Down. Please, God.- Got it. I got it!
1157 00:53:51 Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
1158 00:53:53 Are we good? Are we cutting this?
1159 00:53:54 - Is it working?- I think it's working.
1160 00:53:56 Oh my God!
1161 00:53:58 I love you, dental floss business cards.
1162 00:54:00 I love you so much.Oh, please, please, please.
1163 00:54:02 Yes! Yes!
1164 00:54:03 Yes!
1165 00:54:05 Get the feet.
1166 00:54:06 - I got it!- Come on! Come on! Go! Go!
1167 00:54:09 Oh no!
1168 00:54:11 - What are you doing?- Oh God.
1169 00:54:13 Here, take this.I'm gonna shoot out the window.
1170 00:54:17 God!
1171 00:54:19 My God! It's a French gun!
1172 00:54:21 Honey!
1173 00:54:22 - No.- What?
1174 00:54:25 No!
1175 00:55:01 Baby! Oh! I love you!
1176 00:55:12 Oh God.
1177 00:55:14 - What?- No!
1178 00:55:15 - No, no! No, no, no!- No, no, no, no, no!
1179 00:55:18 Shit! Shit!
1180 00:55:19 Nick.
1181 00:55:25 This time, I'm driving.
1182 00:55:27 Okay.
1183 00:55:39 Are you kidding me? [laughs] I can't...
1184 00:55:42 You're getting it again, hon.
1185 00:55:43 - Sorry.- That's all right.
1186 00:55:50 Mesdames et messieurs...
1187 00:55:52 My name is Inspector Laurent Delacroix.
1188 00:55:55 Fifteen minutes ago, Interpol assumedoperational control of this matter
1189 00:55:59 and assigned me to head the task force.
1190 00:56:02 Okay, we get it, but why all of a suddenInterpol gets involved?
1191 00:56:07 The heinous nature of the crimes.
1192 00:56:09 Several murders, a kidnapping,
1193 00:56:11 the destructionof the oldest café in Paris,
1194 00:56:14 the tying up of a very handsome opera fan.
1195 00:56:17 Oh dear God.
1196 00:56:19 Okay, but why should we believe you'llbe able to find Nick and Audrey Spitz?
1197 00:56:23 Because I have them on the phone.
1198 00:56:27 - Hello? Hey. Is everybody there?- Yes, Audrey.
1199 00:56:29 Everyone except--
1200 00:56:30 The Countess and her creepy little friend?
1201 00:56:33 Give back Vikram, you monsters!
1202 00:56:34 - You already got the money.- Yes, we do have the money.
1203 00:56:37 And if you ever wanna see it again,you better tell the kidnapper
1204 00:56:40 to bring the Maharajahto the Jules Verne restaurant.
1205 00:56:44 What? The what?
1206 00:56:45 Jules Verne restaurant.
1207 00:56:47 Jules Verne restaurant? Ah, Le Ju--
1208 00:56:49 - Le Jules Verne.- Oh.
1209 00:56:51 On the observation deckat the Eiffel Tower at midnight.
1210 00:56:54 Yes.
1211 00:56:55 What do you mean?We don't have my brother.
1212 00:56:56 - Bullshit!- Oh, somebody there does, okay?
1213 00:56:59 So do what my wife just said.Midnight, Maharajah, alive.
1214 00:57:03 And, Inspector,we tried to start your car up
1215 00:57:06 but, uh, couldn't get it done,so we left it there.
1216 00:57:09 What?
1217 00:57:10 We stole a Lamborghini. You can have that
1218 00:57:12 when we're done with it.
1219 00:57:13 Okay.
1220 00:57:38 Oh my God. So gorgeous.
1221 00:57:41 Why are you all dressed up?
1222 00:57:43 We read online there was a dress code.
1223 00:57:45 We couldn't get into Tavern on the Green'cause I was wearing shorts one time.
1224 00:57:48 - Wh-- Where is everybody?- Yeah.
1225 00:57:50 We bought out the restaurantso we wouldn't be disturbed.
1226 00:57:53 You do understandthe idea of doing this in public
1227 00:57:55 is so there are actually people around?
1228 00:57:57 - How did you even get these clothes?- And you got your hair done?
1229 00:58:00 Look, we had a situation, all right?
1230 00:58:02 There was a moat, and then we did...I don't have to explain myself, okay?
1231 00:58:05 We'll be the oneswho ask the questions. How's that?
1232 00:58:08 - Go ahead. Ask the questions.- Let's review the suspects, shall we?
1233 00:58:11 Get comfortable.
1234 00:58:13 Let's start with Saira Govindan.
1235 00:58:15 Me?
1236 00:58:16 Mm.
1237 00:58:17 I defended you.
1238 00:58:20 I actually really liked you.
1239 00:58:21 I know you did. We really liked you.You've been so nice to us.
1240 00:58:24 It's just kind of what we do.
1241 00:58:26 Kidnap my own brother?
1242 00:58:28 - She's getting upset.- I see. She's in front of me.
1243 00:58:30 Are you out of your mind?
1244 00:58:32 - Just move on. Audrey, move on.- Moving on.
1245 00:58:34 All good, Saira.
1246 00:58:35 Francisco, chairman of the board.
1247 00:58:38 With the Maharajah gone,you can embezzle all the money you want
1248 00:58:42 to cover all those paternity suitsfor your 2,000 children.
1249 00:58:45 I say we make it 2,001, huh?
1250 00:58:47 Get out of my face.
1251 00:58:48 Disgusting pig.
1252 00:58:50 Claudette Joubert.
1253 00:58:52 Joubert.
1254 00:58:53 Parisian shopgirl desperate for money.
1255 00:58:56 If I wanted money,don't you think I'd just marry him?
1256 00:58:59 Not with that brutal prenupthe board had you sign.
1257 00:59:03 But what about the Colonel?What's his motive?
1258 00:59:05 Well, maybe he just is sick of workingfor rich people 'cause you guys suck.
1259 00:59:11 Or maybe the Colonel needed enough moneyto afford himself
1260 00:59:18 a bionic arm.
1261 00:59:20 I looked into it.They're not very expensive.
1262 00:59:23 - How much are we talking?- Twenty, thirty K.
1263 00:59:26 That's it? Jeez, maybe I should getsomething like that.
1264 00:59:29 You're gonna have to lose an arm for that.
1265 00:59:31 I wasn't talking about for the arm.
1266 00:59:35 Okay, we went through everybody.
1267 00:59:39 Who did it?
1268 00:59:45 -Mon amour!
1269 00:59:47 - Hey, hey, hey.- Whoa, whoa.
1270 00:59:50 Um, I've been asked to show you all
1271 00:59:53 this sick-ass bomb and shit.
1272 00:59:56 Oh my God.
1273 00:59:57 Enough to blowthis whole damn tower up, G.
1274 01:00:00 So check it. You gotta put the Benjaminsin the lift and send it to the top floor.
1275 01:00:05 Once the amount has been chickity-checked,they'll send down the, uh...
1276 01:00:09 God, what's it called?The button blaster thingy? The--
1277 01:00:12 - The remote detonator?- Yes, that shit.
1278 01:00:14 They'll send that back down,and then we can be outtie.
1279 01:00:17 And it's a bit of a hurry or somethingbecause, you know...
1280 01:00:21 - Oh no!- Oh my God, Nick!
1281 01:00:23 Nick, Nick, Nick. The money.You must put it in the elevator.
1282 01:00:26 - Now!- Nah.
1283 01:00:27 -"Nah"?- What do you mean, "nah"?
1284 01:00:29 - What are you doing?- I don't think they'll blow him up.
1285 01:00:32 Nick, are you really just goingon a hunch right now?
1286 01:00:34 - Trust me.- Nick!
1287 01:00:35 Bro-heem!
1288 01:00:36 No, it's all good in the hood, Maharajah.
1289 01:00:39 Whoever did thishad some serious training, right?
1290 01:00:42 'Cause he killed Mr. Lou, a lethal badass.
1291 01:00:45 We're counting down here, G.
1292 01:00:46 No, no. Nick, Nick, Nick!
1293 01:00:48 And we know the kidnapperhad some major hacking skills
1294 01:00:51 to access that footageand do the deepfake.
1295 01:00:53 Come on, Nick!
1296 01:00:55 He knew exactly where to findMr. Lou and Vik backstage at the wedding
1297 01:00:59 in order to pull offthe elephant switcheroo.
1298 01:01:02 - But, honey--- Nick! I'm gonna blow up!
1299 01:01:04 With all that expertise...
1300 01:01:06 - God, Nick!
1301 01:01:07 ...this guy should write a book.
1302 01:01:09 - Oh my God, Nick!
1303 01:01:22 "Thousands of studies have shownthat the kidnapper will do nothing
1304 01:01:27 to jeopardizethe receiving of the ransom."
1305 01:01:30 Chapter 9, section 3,written by Mr. Connor Miller.
1306 01:01:35 You read the book.
1307 01:01:37 From cover to cover, sweetheart,and it sucked.
1308 01:01:38 You gotta try this. It's so good.
1309 01:01:41 You just scared the crap out of me.
1310 01:01:50 What was that?
1311 01:01:53 What?
1312 01:01:57 Very impressive.
1313 01:01:58 How did you get out of that SUVbefore it blew up?
1314 01:02:01 I didn't.
1315 01:02:02 I climbed into a bomb-prooftitanium chamber in the back seat.
1316 01:02:05 A public death. What better wayto eliminate himself as a suspect.
1317 01:02:09 Yeah, yeah. But everything didn't goaccording to your plan, did it?
1318 01:02:13 Your guy had his hand on the caseseconds before a clean getaway.
1319 01:02:17 And boom.
1320 01:02:18 The greedy ex enters the chat.
1321 01:02:20 Hmm. $70 million. That's a lot of money,
1322 01:02:24 even for a countess.
1323 01:02:26 So she sends Imani overto hijack the hijackers.
1324 01:02:29 - Who?- Imani.
1325 01:02:31 - Who?- Iman-- The sidekick to the--
1326 01:02:33 The Countess's... You know, do the laugh.
1327 01:02:35 Do I have to?
1328 01:02:36 - Just knock it out.
1329 01:02:38 - Okay.- Oh.
1330 01:02:39 Now they know.
1331 01:02:40 And then she swoops in,
1332 01:02:42 steals the ransom moneyright out from under your nose.
1333 01:02:47 - That must have hurt.- Uh-huh.
1334 01:02:49 Now, if you had, in fact,read my book properly,
1335 01:02:52 you'd remember that revealing the identityof a heretofore anonymous criminal
1336 01:02:56 puts all those privyto that information at risk.
1337 01:03:01 Which means
1338 01:03:04 I'm gonna have to kill you all.
1339 01:03:06 - Oh God!
1340 01:03:10 Gary?
1341 01:03:13 Who the hell are you?
1342 01:03:15 I'm Susan.
1343 01:03:18 - Do you know who this is?- I have no idea.
1344 01:03:20 Gary and I met here ten years agowhen I was studying abroad,
1345 01:03:25 and we promisedthat if we still loved each other
1346 01:03:28 and we hadn't found anyone else,
1347 01:03:30 that we would meet halfwayup the Eiffel Tower at midnight tonight.
1348 01:03:37 And I still love him very much.
1349 01:03:41 Are any of you Gary?
1350 01:03:45 Put your hand down, Francisco.
1351 01:03:48 - Oh my God!
1352 01:03:53 Whoa!
1353 01:03:53 Oh God!
1354 01:04:00 Get ready.
1355 01:04:05 It just remains for me to say,
1356 01:04:07 it's been a pleasure.
1357 01:04:10 He still has the button blaster thingy!
1358 01:04:17 - Audrey!
1359 01:04:21 Oh my God!
1360 01:04:23 No! This is not what I planned!
1361 01:04:39 There really is no endto your bad decision-making, is there?
1362 01:04:42 Nick! I can't believe I'm doing this.
1363 01:04:45 Take my gun.
1364 01:04:46 Wait! You need bullets. In my pocket.
1365 01:04:50 Oh, you little rascal.
1366 01:04:53 - You got it in there deep, huh?- You got it.
1367 01:04:56 Susan, put some pressureon the inspector's wound.
1368 01:04:59 Is this like an interactive theater thing?
1369 01:05:10 I'm glad my biggest fanis gonna get to see this.
1370 01:05:12 Actually, not as much of a fanas I used to be.
1371 01:05:16 That's a shame becauseI'm about to teach my final lesson...
1372 01:05:20 How to blow up the Eiffel Towerand get away with it.
1373 01:05:22 You would never do that.
1374 01:05:23 There's only one thingI hate more than witnesses,
1375 01:05:26 and that's the French.
1376 01:05:31 That door opens,everyone inside is dead, understand?
1377 01:05:34 - Nick!
1378 01:05:37 No, Nick! No, no! No, no, no!
1379 01:05:40 Nick! Oh!
1380 01:05:51 It's stuck.
1381 01:05:52 - Get this shit off me. I feel vulnerable!- The vest is a medium.
1382 01:05:54 You haven't beena medium since you were 14!
1383 01:05:56 Just chill out, please!Get this vest off me.
1384 01:05:59 You all right?
1385 01:06:00 I need my vape.
1386 01:06:02 - Okay.- In my pocket there.
1387 01:06:04 The right pocket.
1388 01:06:05 - This?- No, no.
1389 01:06:06 Oh, no. That's your penis.
1390 01:06:07 - You got it.- Okay, got it. Got it.
1391 01:06:09 I don't think this is the best thingfor someone who's been shot,
1392 01:06:12 but go for it.
1393 01:06:27 Here comes Brooklyn.
1394 01:06:42 - It stopped!- Oh!
1395 01:06:50 Oh God!
1396 01:07:01 Argh!
1397 01:07:07 Cut that damn thing off!
1398 01:07:17 Step back, or this money goes.
1399 01:07:19 I don't believe you.
1400 01:07:34 Uh-uh.
1401 01:07:36 How the hell do you do thatwithout getting a concussion?
1402 01:07:39 God's gift!
1403 01:07:41 He will never blink again.
1404 01:07:43 - Nick!- Yeah, we're coming, precious!
1405 01:07:45 Let me handle this, please.
1406 01:07:48 Oh!
1407 01:07:48 Perhaps... a mild concussion.
1408 01:07:59 - Get the thing off!- We are all gonna blow up!
1409 01:08:01 I don't know what to do!
1410 01:08:03 It's all good, babe!
1411 01:08:05 Nicky Two Guns in the house!
1412 01:08:21 Did I hit anything?
1413 01:08:22 You got the detonator thingy, honey!
1414 01:08:24 Okay, good! That's what I was aiming for!
1415 01:08:26 - Ooh!
1416 01:08:33 Oh, my love.
1417 01:08:40 The ring. The rings of love.
1418 01:08:43 Yes. Okay. We're gonna use the gunsfor something else now, aren't we, bro?
1419 01:08:47 Smacked up your friends pretty good.You're next.
1420 01:08:49 What's up? What's up?
1421 01:08:53 Okay.
1422 01:08:56 Where you going? Babe!
1423 01:08:58 Audrey!
1424 01:09:07 Honey!
1425 01:09:08 It's okay, baby! I got you! Just hang on!
1426 01:09:21 I must have missed the chapteron face-kicking.
1427 01:09:45 Oh my gosh.
1428 01:09:49 Come here.
1429 01:10:02 It's time to make it rain, bitch.
1430 01:10:07 No!
1431 01:10:12 Oh!
1432 01:10:16 Oh!
1433 01:10:24 Come to me!
1434 01:10:27 - No!
1435 01:10:34 No, no, no. Okay.
1436 01:10:39 Finish off the others.
1437 01:10:46 Oh... Okay.
1438 01:11:05 - What is that?- That really killed the vibe.
1439 01:11:10 Hey, Miller!
1440 01:11:14 My husband was right.
1441 01:11:16 Your book sucked.
1442 01:11:19 She never misses.
1443 01:11:23 I'm so sorry!
1444 01:11:25 -Now you miss?- I'm sorry, baby! I'm sorry!
1445 01:11:27 Oh shit!
1446 01:11:30 Goddamn! Are you aiming for me or him?
1447 01:11:32 Him, I promise! I promise!
1448 01:11:34 - Just shoot him. Shoot him!- Shit!
1449 01:11:36 - Okay.- Shoot him!
1450 01:11:37 Uh, I've come to the end of my rope,you know what I mean?
1451 01:11:40 My wheels are really turning right now.They're spinnin', my wheels.
1452 01:11:45 Oh God. Okay.
1453 01:11:49 Never misses, huh?
1454 01:11:50 Not everybodycan be as good as you, I guess.
1455 01:11:59 Enjoy the ride, Miller.
1456 01:12:15 Oh my God.
1457 01:12:17 - Get down!
1458 01:12:24 - Oh!- Jeez!
1459 01:12:39 Paris is very weird.
1460 01:12:41 He's dead this time.
1461 01:12:42 - He's so dead.- He is. It's done.
1462 01:12:45 How did you come up with that plan?How do you do that?
1463 01:12:48 - I have no idea--- You're a genius.
1464 01:12:49 It just kinda came out.Like, I just was like, what? My baby!
1465 01:12:52 You are next-level! I wouldnever think of anything that good.
1466 01:12:55 Thank you. I don't know what I did,and it was so scary.
1467 01:12:59 - What?- We're a team now, hmm?
1468 01:13:01 - No. No. Get him off. Get him off.- Don't touch her. It's getting her upset.
1469 01:13:05 - Back up.- Just back up.
1470 01:13:06 You did good, but just back up.Give us room. Thank you.
1471 01:13:10 - Oh, babe.- It's all right. I love you, baby.
1472 01:13:13 That was just...
1473 01:13:14 It's kind ofa beautiful Paris night besides that.
1474 01:13:17 Yeah.
1475 01:13:26 Yes. Hey!
1476 01:13:27 - Nick! Audrey!- Hey! You guys did it again! Oh!
1477 01:13:31 - Vik, I am so sorry about the money.- Yes, we apologize.
1478 01:13:34 It was a lot of money to throw away.
1479 01:13:36 I think Paris is gonna thank youfrom the bottom of their hearts.
1480 01:13:39 Don't worry about it. Just as long asnone of my peeps got murked, yeah?
1481 01:13:42 Apart from Mr. Lou.
1482 01:13:44 Oh, yeah, that's true.
1483 01:13:46 - Lou who, huh?
1484 01:13:49 Oh no. What happened to you?Why are you bleeding?
1485 01:13:52 Oh, no. It's... I'm not. It's henna.
1486 01:13:55 It must have smearedin tonight's commotion.
1487 01:13:57 Oh, thank God. I'm sick.I can't take one more accident tonight.
1488 01:14:00 No more blood, please.
1489 01:14:02 - I swear, I thought it was blood.- I am exhausted. Aren't you?
1490 01:14:06 Yeah.
1491 01:14:08 - What are you muttering about right now?- Something doesn't make sense.
1492 01:14:15 I'm sorry. It just doesn't make any sense.
1493 01:14:17 Saira, I'm so sorry. What...
1494 01:14:19 Did you just say you smeared your hennaduring tonight's commotion?
1495 01:14:23 That's right.
1496 01:14:25 That's interesting.
1497 01:14:27 Why is that interesting?
1498 01:14:29 Yes, why is that interesting?
1499 01:14:30 You know, I never saw youduring the welcome dance.
1500 01:14:35 And then you just kind of showed upright after the elephant arrived.
1501 01:14:39 Yeah.
1502 01:14:40 I was... I was getting a drink.
1503 01:14:42 Honey, I was a hairdresser,and I know a thing or two about dyes,
1504 01:14:46 and once henna sets,
1505 01:14:48 it doesn't smear.
1506 01:14:51 Sorry. I... I have no ideawhat you're talking about.
1507 01:14:55 That wasn't blood that I sawon the elephant handler's robe.
1508 01:14:58 It was henna.
1509 01:14:59 And it was your henna that never had timeto dry the night of the murder.
1510 01:15:03 Oh my God!
1511 01:15:05 The sister did it!
1512 01:15:06 Oh snap!
1513 01:15:08 Come on. This is lunacy!You guys, haven't we done this already?
1514 01:15:12 I love my brother.I mean, what reason would I have to--
1515 01:15:15 Maybe because your parents gave himthe family business,
1516 01:15:18 even though you're the smart one,
1517 01:15:20 and he's the Jet Skiing rapper wannabewith no skill at all?
1518 01:15:24 No offense.
1519 01:15:25 Some taken.
1520 01:15:26 And isn't that the same reasonyou tried to kill him in Mumbai?
1521 01:15:30 You!
1522 01:15:32 Well, my parentswere right about one thing.
1523 01:15:35 If you need something done correctly,
1524 01:15:38 you should just do it yourself.
1525 01:15:42 - Saira!
1526 01:15:43 No!
1527 01:15:46 Oh! This poor guy, honey!He's running out of arms!
1528 01:15:50 Whoa!
1529 01:15:51 Not in my town.
1530 01:15:52 Yeah! That's my bae!
1531 01:15:54 Thank you, baby.
1532 01:15:56 I've got to just...
1533 01:15:58 - 'Sup! It's okay. Yeah.
1534 01:16:00 You... You did great, pal.You're my number one bodyguard.
1535 01:16:04 And not just 'causethe last one got smoked.
1536 01:16:06 That Kwanzaa bonusbetter be off the hook this year.
1537 01:16:09 Hey, it's bionic arm time, bitch! Yeah?
1538 01:16:12 - Yeah?- Yeah!
1539 01:16:15 You're okay.
1540 01:16:17 - How are you feeling, young man?- How are you doing?
1541 01:16:19 - I'm okay.- Laurent is a special man. Aren't you?
1542 01:16:22 We're gonna go to dinneronce you get out of the hospital.
1543 01:16:25 Ah!
1544 01:16:26 Paris weaves its spell once again.
1545 01:16:29 Feel better.
1546 01:16:30 - All right.- Should we tell them?
1547 01:16:32 - Yes!- Okay, guys. We decided to elope.
1548 01:16:36 - That is the smart choice, always.- That's amazing.
1549 01:16:38 Good for you guys.
1550 01:16:39 Yeah, no family, but, um,
1551 01:16:42 I owe you guys my life.
1552 01:16:43 Oh, we're just happy you're both okay.
1553 01:16:46 And really, honestly, thank youfor giving us an adventure...
1554 01:16:49 Yes.
1555 01:16:49 ...we are never going to forget.
1556 01:16:51 - Oh.- Yep.
1557 01:16:52 - I guess we're even then. Peace out.- Peace out!
1558 01:16:55 - Bye-bye.- Au revoir!
1559 01:16:56 Sorry about your sisterbeing a psycho, by the way.
1560 01:16:59 Ah, don't worry about it.She's a real piece of shit.
1561 01:17:01 - Yes, she was.- Yeah.
1562 01:17:03 - Okay.- Honey, I'm really ready to go home.
1563 01:17:05 - Yes, I am too.- I'm really ready.
1564 01:17:09 We have to do one thing first.
1565 01:17:11 - Trust me. Trust me. All right?- What? Okay. Okay. Okay.
1566 01:17:14 - Check on the Colonel. You okay?- Colonel!
1567 01:17:17 You're not losing this arm?
1568 01:17:29 Click it. Click it. We did it.
1569 01:17:32 Now we are forever locked up togetherfor the rest of our lives.
1570 01:17:36 I'd never wanna be locked upwith anybody else.
1571 01:17:38 Me neither, sweetheart. You are--
1572 01:17:41 - The Shitz!- What?
1573 01:17:43 Nick and Audrey Shitz!
1574 01:17:45 - The helicopter guy? What the--- What are you doing here?
1575 01:17:48 Take it. Take the phone!
1576 01:17:50 Hello?
1577 01:17:51 Of course we're not even.Take my helicopter!
1578 01:17:53 Go anywhere! Have a honeymoon you deserve!And a little cash!
1579 01:17:57 - What?- Cash? A bag of--
1580 01:18:00 - Are you for real?
1581 01:18:01 - Oh my gosh. Look! Oh my--- Well, yeah.
1582 01:18:04 That seems to be enough money. Thank you.
1583 01:18:07 Just ten million!Don't spend it all in one place!
1584 01:18:09 But if you do spend it all,
1585 01:18:11 just sell the briefcase.
1586 01:18:12 It's worth three million!
1587 01:18:14 - It's dinosaur leather!- My God!
1588 01:18:16 Dinosaur? We can't take this! Come on!
1589 01:18:18 You know what?We will take this. Thank you.
1590 01:18:21 Now you two keep busting nuts!Maharajah out!
1591 01:18:24 What's the first thing you wanna do?
1592 01:18:26 - I wanna kiss you!- Ah!
1593 01:18:31 I can't believe this!
1594 01:18:39 - My baby.- My darling.
1595 01:18:41 The honeymoon we always deserved.
1596 01:18:43 - Exactly.- Finally.
1597 01:18:45 Mm-hmm.
1598 01:18:47 Can you believe how lucky we are?
1599 01:18:52 You liking those drinks?
1600 01:18:54 - What--- Are you shitz-ing us right now?
1601 01:18:56 Hand me the bag.
1602 01:18:57 What? The, uh--
1603 01:18:59 - Bag. Hand me the bag.- You want this?
1604 01:19:01 - That's not a problem.- Give him the bag.
1605 01:19:03 What happened to the accent?
1606 01:19:06 It's back in Jersey.
1607 01:19:07 Let's just have a civilized conversation.
1608 01:19:09 See you never, Shitzes!
1609 01:19:11 - Oh my God! Where did he--- Oh my God! Oh-- Oh my--
1610 01:19:17 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1611 01:19:22 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1612 01:19:28 ♪ 'Cause nobody else could ever mind youOoh, ooh ♪
1613 01:19:35 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1614 01:19:41 ♪ Can you feel this? ♪
1615 01:19:43 ♪ Can you feel this? ♪
1616 01:19:45 ♪ I can feel it for you tomorrow ♪
1617 01:19:50 ♪ It's all in, baby ♪
1618 01:19:52 ♪ Looks all hazy ♪
1619 01:19:54 ♪ So I've gone crazy ♪
1620 01:20:08 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1621 01:20:15 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1622 01:20:21 ♪ 'Cause nobody else could ever mind youOoh, ooh ♪
1623 01:20:28 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1624 01:20:31 ♪ Through, through this ♪
1625 01:20:33 ♪ Right while I was writing my own song ♪
1626 01:20:39 ♪ Raise your eyes and glass ♪
1627 01:20:48 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1628 01:20:54 ♪ Take me away, I'm gonna find you ♪
1629 01:21:01 ♪ 'Cause nobody else could ever mind youOoh, ooh ♪
1630 01:21:07 ♪ Take me away ♪
1631 01:21:14 ♪ Take me away ♪
