疯狂教授 The Nutty Professor(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:43 Miss Lemmon! Miss Lemmon!
2 00:01:46 Miss Lemmon!
3 00:01:50 What?
4 00:01:52 Doctor Warfield!
5 00:01:54 Miss Lemmon, get ProfessorKelp in here immediately.
6 00:01:57 But, Dr Warfield, I think ProfessorKelp has a class right now.
7 00:02:00 He had a class. Can't you hear?
8 00:02:04 Now, get him!
9 00:02:12 Fire's up here.
10 00:02:18 Get the axe! Get the axe!
11 00:02:22 All right, men, alltogether at the door.
12 00:02:29 Look out! Look out! Look out!
13 00:02:47 Oh, oh... I beg your pardon.
14 00:02:50 Oh, but this is terrible!
15 00:02:55 Oh...!
16 00:02:57 Oh... Oh...
17 00:03:01 Oh, my...!
18 00:03:04 Professor Kelp?
19 00:03:07 Are you all right? And if youare, where are you all right?
20 00:03:17 Oh, my...
21 00:03:39 Dr Warfield wants tosee you in his office.
22 00:03:41 - Dr Warfield?- Yes, right away.
23 00:03:44 I used too much...
24 00:05:22 Kelp.
25 00:05:24 How long have you been on thefaculty of this university?
26 00:05:28 Well, now, I would say, er...
27 00:05:33 prior to my exposure as a studentcounsellor, USC, three years...
28 00:05:38 No, I went to post-grad,naturally, two years... No...
29 00:05:41 I had a botany exposure inone particular school...
30 00:05:45 I had decided, pre-med, botany, whatever,I would prefer the sciences...
31 00:05:49 I think I should go backto when I graduated...
32 00:05:53 How long?!
33 00:06:12 Two years and 22 minutes now.
34 00:06:15 Kelp, as I recall, uponyour arrival here,
35 00:06:19 I told you and the othernew faculty members,
36 00:06:22 I will not stand for any member of staffutilising the university's facilities
37 00:06:27 for his or her ownpersonal experiments.
38 00:06:30 Did I not make myselfperfectly clear?
39 00:06:33 Good, I knew my memoryserved me well.
40 00:06:38 And Kelp, wasn't itapproximately six weeks later
41 00:06:41 that you conducted a rather interestingexperiment before your class?
42 00:06:45 Let me see... I think it had somethingto do with an additive to gasolene
43 00:06:50 for the purpose of increasing theefficiency of the combustion engine.
44 00:06:55 - Right?- Yes, it was something to that effect...
45 00:07:00 Do you recall whatthat additive was?
46 00:07:03 Yes, as a matter of fact, now thatyou bring it up, the additive was
47 00:07:07 3 parts carbon, 5 parts hydrogen,1 part nitrogen, 3 parts oxygen.
48 00:07:12 - Which, of course, is?- Nitroglycerine.
49 00:07:15 - The results were?- Negative.
50 00:07:17 - And?- Noisy.
51 00:07:19 Noisy!
52 00:07:21 It was the worst explosion in the historyof this or any other university.
53 00:07:27 That was two years ago and they'restill talking about it today.
54 00:07:31 Now you mention it, I sawyoung Phips the other day.
55 00:07:35 You recall Arnold Phipswas in my class that day?
56 00:07:38 Yes, really, whatdid he have to say?
57 00:07:41 He's feeling much better and thebandages should be off in two weeks.
58 00:07:45 Oh, well, a couple... Exactly!That's exactly what I mean!
59 00:07:48 You are a menace.
60 00:07:52 Professor Kelp, believe me, Iknow what I'm talking about.
61 00:07:56 Kelp, it's human nature.
62 00:07:59 Kelp, people just don't liketeachers blowing up their kids.
63 00:08:07 Kelp, try to understandthat I understand
64 00:08:11 that scientists and creators havetheir little eccentricities.
65 00:08:16 Einstein hated haircuts, da Vinciloved to paint and Newton...
66 00:08:20 Didn't he have somethingto do with figs?
67 00:08:23 So therefore I, too, realise that youhave many of the same eccentricities.
68 00:08:30 Leave them in the locker when youcome in in the morning, Professor.
69 00:08:34 And feel free to takethem home at night.
70 00:08:43 All right, Kelp,simmer down and relax.
71 00:08:46 I'm sure we won't have to have anothertalk like this again. Am I correct?
72 00:08:52 Oh, without question,you're absolutely...
73 00:08:56 yes, we'll never haveto correct our talk.
74 00:08:59 We won't ever speak...
75 00:09:01 That is, we'll never have to talk again.We just never will discuss talking.
76 00:09:05 Er, we shouldn't reallyconverse about speaking.
77 00:09:09 Professor, our discussionhas come to an end.
78 00:09:13 - Thank you, Dr...- Kelp.
79 00:09:15 Yes?
80 00:09:18 Your watch...
81 00:09:20 does it...
82 00:09:22 always?
83 00:09:24 Oh, no, just when I open...
84 00:09:37 Those are your greens.
85 00:09:55 Hi, how are you?
86 00:10:02 "Therefore, through history,
87 00:10:06 "man has been curious..."
88 00:10:07 - Professor Kelp.- Yes, Worfshefski?
89 00:10:11 - I have to go...- You have to go?
90 00:10:15 Since when did you find itnecessary to ask permission to go?
91 00:10:18 No, well, what I meant to say,Professor Kelp, was that...
92 00:10:23 I have to go to football practice.
93 00:10:27 Football practice?
94 00:10:29 At this hour?What about your studies?
95 00:10:32 Well, Mr Coughman, the coach,
96 00:10:35 he asked me to try and get offmy first class this morning...
97 00:10:39 Get off your first class?
98 00:10:42 Did he, now? To getoff your first class?
99 00:10:45 Mr Worfshefski, had you learnedanything in your first class,
100 00:10:49 and I refer to theelementary class,
101 00:10:52 you might not be in suchdire need of learning now.
102 00:10:56 Your request is denied.Please sit down.
103 00:11:00 I don't want to hear anotherword about your stupid practice.
104 00:11:04 You don't have no call to go yellingat me like that, Professor Kelp.
105 00:11:09 Worfshefski, I mighthave been a little rash.
106 00:11:14 That wasn't very nicecalling my practice stupid.
107 00:11:17 I meant I was stupid inassuming practice was stupid.
108 00:11:20 Naughty, naughty, naughty.
109 00:11:24 - Teacher!- Well, you shouldn't be upset.
110 00:11:26 W... W... Worfshefski,you're breaking my...
111 00:11:29 There goes the tibia. Worfshefski,you're... Worfshefski!
112 00:11:33 You must realise that...
113 00:11:35 You don't realise whatyou're doing, Worfshefski.
114 00:11:37 Worfshefski, you don'trealise what you're doing.
115 00:11:47 Well, just don't dosomething, sit there!
116 00:11:50 Er, that is... class dismissed!
117 00:11:53 You may go.
118 00:12:00 Can I be of any assistance,Professor Kelp?
119 00:12:07 Oh, er...
120 00:12:10 Thank you, Miss Purdy, you'revery, very considerate.
121 00:12:14 Actually, I wouldappreciate the assistance
122 00:12:17 for were it not for you assisting meI might very well be here all semester.
123 00:12:24 Well, er, let's startwith the book.
124 00:12:28 Yeah... I don't know, I...
125 00:12:36 You have to... The, er...
126 00:12:39 Wait, it's connected, youbetter not press that.
127 00:12:42 Just pull it out, Miss Purdy.
128 00:12:44 Oh, that really snapped.
129 00:12:47 - I'm sorry.- That's all right.
130 00:12:49 - Try leaning.- Oh, no, no, no, no...
131 00:12:53 Let me just... Letme have this arm...
132 00:12:57 Just may I have that arm? All right,you just hold some of the body...
133 00:13:06 Thank you, thank you.
134 00:13:08 - Thank you, Miss Purdy.- Are you all right, Professor?
135 00:13:10 Oh, yes, this is veryembarrassing, Miss Purdy.
136 00:13:15 Why don't you call meStella, Professor?
137 00:13:17 I thought it was Stella Purdy.
138 00:13:19 Oh, you mean to call you Stella?How stupid of me. Sorry.
139 00:13:24 I will, stupid... Er, Stella.
140 00:13:26 I'm very upset. It'svery embarrassing.
141 00:13:32 Honestly, Professor, you shouldn'tlet a big ox like that bother you.
142 00:13:38 He's the typical bully thatloves picking on a small man.
143 00:13:44 Yes, yes, you're right, Miss Purdy,
144 00:13:47 but you'd best run along oryou'll miss your next class.
145 00:13:52 You're all right?
146 00:13:54 Oh, yes, as I said, I'm justembarrassed. I'm fine, thank you.
147 00:14:10 Er, Miss Purdy...
148 00:14:15 Miss Pur... Excuse me.
149 00:14:17 The, er...
150 00:14:33 He's a typical bully that lovespicking on a small man...
151 00:14:38 picking on a small man...picking on a small man...
152 00:15:02 I think I broke myself.
153 00:15:43 Wrong way, sir. This is the gym.I take it you're new?
154 00:15:48 - Well, I'm not brand new.- No, I mean a new student.
155 00:15:59 I'm terribly sorry, sir.Are you hurt?
156 00:16:03 Well, actually, if you wouldsay that a man with an ulcer,
157 00:16:08 a nail in his shoe and a splinter in hisfinger was then struck by lightning...
158 00:16:12 If you could say he wasn'thurt then I'm not hurt.
159 00:16:16 Good. By the way, we don'twear glasses at Vic Tanny's.
160 00:16:19 Fine, I'll just take these off.
161 00:16:21 I didn't realise that you'renot supposed to, er...
162 00:16:24 There's nowhere really that I...Is there some place I could put?
163 00:16:28 - Shall I put these in a locker?- I'd appreciate it. You're very kind.
164 00:16:32 I would've put them there had Iknown that there was a restriction.
165 00:16:37 Some people use them for afaçade, I wear them for eyes.
166 00:16:40 You see, "for eyes",it's a play on "eyes".
167 00:16:44 I hope I did nothing wrong bywearing them. I didn't realise.
168 00:16:48 If we could get started. I do havea class and need to get going.
169 00:16:52 - Come with me.- Wonderful.
170 00:16:54 I've never done this before.I don't know where to begin.
171 00:16:58 We start right here.
172 00:17:00 Identical twins.
173 00:17:02 - No, that's a pulling machine.- A pulling machine? What does it do?
174 00:17:06 - You pull it! 15 or 20 pulls to begin with.- Oh, I see.
175 00:17:12 - And take it easy.- Naturally.
176 00:17:15 I wouldn't strain myself for theworld. Thank you very much.
177 00:17:18 You're welcome. Er, happy muscles.
178 00:17:21 Yes, I certainly do.
179 00:17:30 Oh, yes, I've seen thatin those magazines.
180 00:17:41 Oh, that's invigorating.
181 00:17:48 Oh, that's terrific.
182 00:17:54 I'm going to have a great dealof fun with this, I can tell.
183 00:18:01 "the various aspects, ofcourse, is relativity to hydrogen.
184 00:18:06 "There is hydrogen, duly explosive andmore devastating than the atomic.
185 00:18:13 "There is equally the devastationin nitrogen... nitrogen, equally..."
186 00:19:37 I couldn't help but notice -I was standing here -
187 00:19:41 that's amazing, the way youpush those things up there.
188 00:19:47 It must take a greatdeal of patience.
189 00:19:50 And a little muscle.
190 00:19:52 Oh, yes. Well, you certainly are...Yes, you are...
191 00:19:56 I'd love to be able to... I wouldreally enjoy trying that some time.
192 00:20:01 I don't think you'd havethe patience for it.
193 00:20:05 I have the other thing youmentioned: A little muscle.
194 00:20:08 I say, that was, er,sort of a corker!
195 00:20:12 Here, enjoy yourself.
196 00:20:28 I, er... I suspect it wassomewhat heavier than I...
197 00:20:49 - uncanny.- I agree, Doctor.
198 00:20:53 But there are a couple of pointsthat I neglected to mention.
199 00:20:57 Specifically, the day I went toVic Tanny, I got on the scale,
200 00:21:02 as they normally do,to check you in,
201 00:21:04 and I weighed 153 pounds,and then after six months,
202 00:21:08 I weighed myself on that very samescale, and I found that I weighed 151.
203 00:21:15 Very interesting, Professor Kelp.
204 00:21:19 But I am surprised that a man withyour education and background
205 00:21:24 should be intimidated bya bully to this extent.
206 00:21:27 Plus, you must know, only some menreact to bodybuilding exercise,
207 00:21:32 whereas others just don't.
208 00:21:38 Professor, revenge can't bethat important to you.
209 00:21:42 I must take objectionthere, Doctor.
210 00:21:45 Revenge might have beenthe motivating force,
211 00:21:48 but I feel that curiosity hastaken over where revenge began.
212 00:21:52 I am more or less being compelled bycompleting something that I started.
213 00:21:58 I must finish what I start,finish what I start.
214 00:22:01 I admire a man who likesto see something through,
215 00:22:04 but your six months have failed.
216 00:22:07 - What will you do now?- I actually don't know, Doctor.
217 00:22:11 That's why I wanted to see you.
218 00:22:14 I had one plan and I thoughtI'd mention it to you.
219 00:22:18 Chemistry is probably what I knowbest, that's all I know, really.
220 00:22:23 Some of the world's finestpharmaceutical companies
221 00:22:26 make bodybuilding minerals, vitamins,chemicals all based on chemistry,
222 00:22:31 so I'd approach it froma chemistry standpoint.
223 00:22:34 To prove a point, I'll show you...
224 00:22:37 Oh, Professor, excuse me,I seem to have run out of time.
225 00:22:41 I'm due at the hospital.
226 00:22:44 I'm terribly sorry, I never realisedthe time. In fact, I have a class...
227 00:22:55 Go ahead, but I'd like to browsearound if it's all right.
228 00:23:00 Not at all.
229 00:23:02 - I hope you find what you're looking for.- You're terribly kind. Thank you.
230 00:23:08 Let's see, anatomy, body structure,structure of body muscle...
231 00:23:36 "Man's growth,physically and mentally.
232 00:23:41 "A man's mind, from childhood toold age, never stops growing.
233 00:23:45 "Not in size or by measure, but byconstant learning and knowledge.
234 00:23:52 "On the other hand, man'sbody stops at a point,
235 00:23:56 "that of completion of the anatomy,
236 00:23:58 "yet we have learned, throughchemistry... " Ha, ha, ha!
237 00:24:02 "man can grow further withthe aid of additional elements."
238 00:24:53 Seven weeks and 13 experiments havegone by with little or no strides made,
239 00:24:58 but today I'm certainmy formula will work,
240 00:25:02 so certain that I plantrying it on myself tonight.
241 00:25:21 Tonight.
242 00:25:32 Oh, I'm really...
243 00:25:34 Oh, Miss Purdy, I'm terribly sorry.Just let me get you up there, dear.
244 00:25:40 That's just ridiculous. I never...I just swung the door...
245 00:25:44 It's all right. You justknocked the breath out of me.
246 00:25:49 - So stupid of me.- I'm perfectly all right. No harm done.
247 00:25:53 - That's fine.- Did anyone invite you for tonight?
248 00:25:58 Invite me? I don'tthink so... Where?
249 00:26:02 The class is having a mid-term party at thePurple Pit. We'd love you to join us.
250 00:26:07 Thank you, it's terribly considerateand kind of you, and I appreciate it,
251 00:26:12 and I've always said there shouldbe a closer interrelationship
252 00:26:16 between the student and thefaculty based on better learning,
253 00:26:19 yet the Purple Pit is off limitsto the faculty of the university.
254 00:26:24 Didn't you know?
255 00:26:26 Oh, I forgot. I'm sorry, Professor.
256 00:26:29 I guess it slipped my mind,
257 00:26:32 but the Pit's never been what it'ssupposed to be, by reputation anyway.
258 00:26:38 You know, I, too, have heardit's a wild, terrible place,
259 00:26:42 when it's really just a quaint spotwhere the students can talk and relax
260 00:26:48 and just generally get acquainted.
261 00:26:51 And when you really getdown to it, it's quite dull.
262 00:27:27 - broads.- They'll be glad. You gotta do it.
263 00:27:32 Why not?
264 00:27:34 Stella, couldn't youtalk Kelp into coming?
265 00:27:37 Can you imagine the professor here?He'd break into a rash.
266 00:27:42 Don't be too sure. Professor Kelp's justthe kind of guy who might fool you.
267 00:27:47 I bet he likes to get outon his own a little.
268 00:27:50 I'll bet you right now he's probablyon his way to a secret rendezvous
269 00:27:56 with a mysterious,dark-haired female.
270 00:28:40 Come in, Julius.
271 00:28:50 Er, how are you tonight, Jennifer?
272 00:28:54 - How are you, Julius?- I'm fine.
273 00:28:57 I am, too-lius.
274 00:28:58 Now, be very quiet, Jennifer.We have a lot of work to do.
275 00:29:03 - Tonight's the big night.- Keep very quiet.
276 00:29:06 He's got a lot of work to do.Tonight's the big night. The big night.
277 00:29:43 Well, we're just aboutready, Jennifer.
278 00:29:46 You might be ready, Julius, but ifI were you, I'd think about it.
279 00:29:51 Think, think, you'd better think.
280 00:29:55 Better think about it.
281 00:33:04 I told you, Julius.I told you, Julius.
282 00:33:08 I told you, Julius. I told you...
283 00:34:06 Thank you very much, sir.We know you'll be very happy.
284 00:34:10 And you look just stunning.
285 00:34:14 And we'll have your other suits andthings no later than next week.
286 00:36:25 - What'll it be?- Ah, that's no way to talk! Tsk-tsk!
287 00:36:30 "What'll it be?" That's noway to treat a customer.
288 00:36:34 Come here. Pay attention.
289 00:36:36 You'll feel better andcustomers'll be happier.
290 00:36:39 Try this: "What'll itbe, hmm?" Try that.
291 00:36:43 Come on, we haven'tgot all night. Try it.
292 00:36:46 What'll it be... mmm?
293 00:36:49 Good, that was wonderful. Did anyoneever tell you you couldn't sing?
294 00:36:52 Nice. Make me an Alaskan Polar BearHeater on the double. Come on.
295 00:37:00 Say, why don't you pick onsomebody your own disposition?
296 00:37:06 Oh, please, Mr Bar-room Brawler,don't hurt me or anything like that.
297 00:37:26 - Did you say Polar Bear Heater?- No, you did.
298 00:37:29 - I said an Alaskan Polar Bear Heater.- I never heard of that.
299 00:37:33 Until now. All right,pay attention.
300 00:37:36 - Two shots of vodka.- Two shots of vodka.
301 00:37:39 - A little rum.- A little rum.
302 00:37:41 - Some bitters.- Bitters.
303 00:37:43 - And a smidgin of vinegar.- And a smidgin of...
304 00:37:48 You gonna drink this orrub it on your chest?
305 00:37:51 That was terrific! Did you hear that,folks? A regular George Bernard Shaw.
306 00:37:56 Good boy! And he did it all by himself.You did it all by yourself without help.
307 00:38:00 That's terrific. Andwith your own big mouth.
308 00:38:03 If you don't want the cocktail shaker inyour gums, shut up and pay attention.
309 00:38:08 - Is that clear? Repeat after me: I'll...- I'll...
310 00:38:10 - I'll pay attention.- I'll pay attention.
311 00:38:13 All right, let's continue.
312 00:38:15 - A shot of vermouth.- A shot of vermouth.
313 00:38:17 - A shot of gin.- A little gin.
314 00:38:19 - A little brandy.- A little brandy.
315 00:38:21 - Lemon peel.- Lemon peel.
316 00:38:23 - Orange peel.- Orange peel.
317 00:38:25 Cherry.
318 00:38:26 - Some more Scotch.- More Scotch.
319 00:38:29 Now, mix it nice, thenpour it into a tall glass.
320 00:38:37 I never tried this.Mind if I take a sip?
321 00:38:39 Go right ahead.
322 00:38:45 Not bad.
323 00:39:28 Hi.
324 00:39:29 I don't know any better place
325 00:39:32 to get to know a lovely ladythan on the dance floor.
326 00:39:36 - I hope you don't refuse.- I'm sorry, I'm with...
327 00:39:40 - Move along, sonny. She's with us.- Sh! Sit down.
328 00:39:45 Come here, honey. Stand up a minute.Just there. I'll be right back.
329 00:39:50 We don't want trouble,do we? Sit like nice boys.
330 00:39:53 Would you like me to tell Dr Warfield,my personal friend, of your bad manners?
331 00:39:58 He would be verydispleased. So cool it.
332 00:40:01 If you're nice lads, cute little chappies,later on I'll let you twirl my key-chain.
333 00:40:07 Now, relax.
334 00:40:09 It's all straight, baby.Put your arm up there.
335 00:40:13 Remember how they do that in themovies? They walk like high class.
336 00:40:17 Dancing, nice. We're hugging.It's wonderful.
337 00:40:20 Clear the floor.
338 00:40:48 I know what you're thinking.
339 00:40:52 Where's he been all my life, right?
340 00:40:57 No, not exactly.
341 00:41:00 And that you're happy the way Ihandled those three goons, right?
342 00:41:07 Well, normally, I wouldhave belted them.
343 00:41:13 But I didn't wantto muss myself up,
344 00:41:16 and have you dance witha sloppy guy. Dig?
345 00:41:24 Then, you restrained yourself,just for little old me.
346 00:41:29 I knew you'd appreciate it.
347 00:41:33 I do a lot of nice things.
348 00:41:37 Is that really the case or is thisline 27 a for young college girls?
349 00:41:45 Aw, now, you see?You went and done it.
350 00:41:52 One of the rare times in my lifewhen I dig down into the soul,
351 00:41:57 and you doubt my veracity?
352 00:42:00 Well, that hurts.
353 00:42:04 Well, it's not yourveracity that I doubt.
354 00:42:13 - The music's stopped.- Yeah, I heard.
355 00:42:18 Hold it a second. Hold... Hold it.
356 00:42:20 We'll make our own music,gorgeous. Just hold it.
357 00:42:24 You and you stay. Tubby, gorest your thumbs. I'll drive.
358 00:42:28 - Sweetie, go get your lips pressed.- Split. - Listen...
359 00:42:31 You listen. Sit down. You'll bethrilled. Believe you me.
360 00:42:35 Sit and listen and watch.
361 00:42:38 Mood is wrong!
362 00:42:40 Innkeeper, got sexy lights?Lay it on me.
363 00:42:44 Better. Better. Now, watch, baby.
364 00:42:48 Every move a picture.
365 00:43:01 ♪ That old black magichas me in its spell
366 00:43:06 ♪ That old black magicthat you weave so well
367 00:43:11 ♪ Those icy fingersup and down my spine
368 00:43:16 ♪ The same old witchcraftwhen your eyes meet mine
369 00:43:22 ♪ The same old tinglethat I feel inside
370 00:43:27 ♪ And then that elevatorstarts its ride
371 00:43:32 ♪ And down, down, down I go
372 00:43:35 ♪ Round, round, round I go
373 00:43:37 ♪ Like a leaf that'scaught in the tide
374 00:43:42 ♪ I should stay away
375 00:43:44 ♪ But what can I do?
376 00:43:47 ♪ I hear your name
377 00:43:49 ♪ And I'm aflame
378 00:43:52 ♪ Aflame with such a burning desire
379 00:43:57 ♪ That only your kiss
380 00:44:01 ♪ Can put out the fire
381 00:44:03 ♪ You're the loverI have waited for
382 00:44:08 ♪ You're the mate thatfate had me created for
383 00:44:13 ♪ And every timeyour lips meet mine
384 00:44:18 ♪ Baby, down and down and down I go
385 00:44:20 ♪ Round and round and round I go
386 00:44:23 ♪ In a spin, lovingthe spin that I am in
387 00:44:28 ♪ Under that old blackmagic called...
388 00:44:31 ♪ Old black magic called...
389 00:44:33 ♪ Old black magic called love
390 00:44:39 ♪ Love
391 00:44:41 ♪ Love ♪
392 00:44:54 Back. Back! Thank you, kiddies. You'reall very nice little boys and girls.
393 00:44:59 If you're real nice, tomorrow night I mightration out a little more of this rare talent.
394 00:45:04 Now, back to your seats,back. Go on, go on.
395 00:45:08 Back, back, back.
396 00:45:12 They're nice kids, all nice.All nice kids.
397 00:45:16 They have very goodtaste, I might add.
398 00:45:18 I'm glad. It would be a shame to wastethe genius of yours on the riff-raff.
399 00:45:24 Honey, I always say, ifyou're good and you know it,
400 00:45:27 why waste time beatingaround the bush, true?
401 00:45:32 And I always say that to love yourselfis the beginning of a lifelong romance,
402 00:45:38 and after watching you, I know youand you will be very happy together.
403 00:45:43 Just a minute, sweetheart.I don't recall dismissing you.
404 00:45:47 You rude, discourteous egomaniac.
405 00:45:51 You're crazy about me, right?
406 00:45:53 This morning, lookingin the mirror,
407 00:45:56 I enjoyed what I saw so much,I couldn't tear myself away.
408 00:46:00 Have some, baby?
409 00:46:02 If I were your baby,I'd be swinging from a tree.
410 00:46:06 - Aw, Stella, that's not nice.- How do you know my name?
411 00:46:13 Well, we were introduced.
412 00:46:15 No, we weren't introduced, or I wouldhave remembered your name.
413 00:46:19 Tell me how you knew.
414 00:46:21 You've heard of ESP, extrasensoryperception. I'm a firm believer in ESP...
415 00:46:26 Hey, buddy, you reallysang up a storm.
416 00:46:29 Yeah, I know. Thanks a lot.
417 00:46:32 Well, you heard him.Everybody knows Buddy.
418 00:46:36 - Buddy?- Yeah.
419 00:46:37 Well, is that it? Or do you find itdifficult remembering two of them?
420 00:46:43 Hey, you're kooky. That was cute.
421 00:46:46 "Do you find it difficultremembering two of them?"
422 00:46:48 Wonderful! I knew you'dbe a barrel of laughs.
423 00:46:52 No, I don't find itdifficult remembering two.
424 00:46:54 - ♪ Love, love, love... ♪- Buddy...
425 00:46:57 Love. That's it. Buddy Love.
426 00:47:00 Buddy Love?
427 00:47:02 Of the Los Angeles Loves.But that's of no consequence.
428 00:47:05 - Shall we make a move?- Where?
429 00:47:09 - Do you have a car?- Of course.
430 00:47:11 - Crazy. Let's split.- Let's split what?
431 00:47:15 - Is it new?- Not brand new.
432 00:47:17 - I've driven it a whole week.- Nutty! Let's go.
433 00:47:41 Here, baby. Wipe the lipstick off,slide over here and let's get started.
434 00:47:46 We have started and finished. And for anencore, get an earful of the following.
435 00:47:52 I'll admit you're avery sharp-looking guy.
436 00:47:55 And you certainly have thatproverbial gift of the gab.
437 00:47:58 I've only gone this far
438 00:48:00 because when you meet someone likeyou, your curiosity gets stirred up.
439 00:48:06 Well, mister, this is one kitten thatwon't be smitten by that little old devil.
440 00:48:10 So turn this car around and take meright back where you picked me up.
441 00:48:15 That is, where we met.
442 00:48:18 I said wipe the lipstick off.
443 00:48:33 Was it something I said?
444 00:48:35 You must be deranged.
445 00:48:41 If you don't believe in idle chatter anda lot of small talk, yeah, I'm deranged.
446 00:48:48 You'd prefer I conduct myself likethe little boys you usually date?
447 00:48:53 Nothing delights us morethan being enjoyed,
448 00:48:56 appreciated or just plainliked by someone, right?
449 00:49:02 You're not going to tell me
450 00:49:05 that you're here with me nowbecause I don't appeal to you.
451 00:49:11 And I'm sure that you can see Idig you pretty good, too, right?
452 00:49:18 Well, isn't it easier to say so?
453 00:49:22 Would you prefer I usedthat phoney dialogue
454 00:49:25 I'm sure you've heard at leasta half a dozen times before?
455 00:49:30 So you see, Stell,
456 00:49:33 when I tell you that you're avibrant, beautiful, exciting woman,
457 00:49:38 you can believe me, youcan bet it's the truth.
458 00:49:43 Because I'd have to be a complete idiotnot to want to hold you and kiss you,
459 00:49:50 and make our time togethera warm, wonderful moment
460 00:49:54 that could grow and developinto many moments, many hours,
461 00:50:02 and into somethingreally important.
462 00:50:06 Nobody ever said anythinglike that to me before.
463 00:50:11 Nor can I ever remember a more honestapproach to two people being together.
464 00:50:18 That's what I wantyou to understand.
465 00:50:21 Actually, I've never had, er...
466 00:50:26 er, that is, er...
467 00:50:29 er, what I mean is, er...
468 00:50:49 Miss Purdy...
469 00:50:53 Hello, Miss Purdy!
470 00:50:56 Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Professor.
471 00:50:58 That's perfectly all right, MissPurdy, I hope I didn't wake you.
472 00:51:02 I don't recall excluding you from the otherclass members from taking this test.
473 00:51:08 I'm terribly sorry, Professor,I was just getting ready to start.
474 00:51:14 Oh, just getting ready to start.Splendid, splendid. Just getting ready.
475 00:51:21 Students, please be aware that the testpapers must go on my desk for marking,
476 00:51:26 also please be equally awareof tomorrow's problem:
477 00:51:29 H20 plus NO2 as we did theother day, if you recall.
478 00:51:33 I'm awfully sorry, and ifit would be agreeable,
479 00:51:37 I'd like to stay after mylast class and take the test.
480 00:51:40 Well, that's highly irregular, MissPurdy, but, er... we... we're...
481 00:51:46 Are you all right, Miss Purdy?
482 00:51:48 I'll know better tonight. I mean,yes, sir, I'm quite all right.
483 00:51:54 Oh, fine, then I'llsee you tonight...
484 00:51:57 That is, after your last class,as you said, to take the test.
485 00:52:01 - Yes.- Fine. I'll hold your paper.
486 00:52:04 - Thank you.- You're quite welcome.
487 00:52:08 Be certain that it'safter your last class.
488 00:52:12 I'll be marking thesepapers accordingly.
489 00:53:38 Professor.
490 00:53:41 Ye... Ye... Oh, yes, Gibson?
491 00:53:44 - I've got that book you asked for.- Thank you.
492 00:53:47 - My pleasure.- Yeah, wonderful.
493 00:53:51 Oh...
494 00:53:53 Now, then...
495 00:53:55 As you might very well recall,yesterday in "Discussing Biology":
496 00:54:01 "The long legs of the beetle andthe wonderful body of the ant."
497 00:54:08 No, what I meant to say was:
498 00:54:11 "The beautiful hairof the blonde fish."
499 00:54:14 No, actually...Er, no... "The legs..."
500 00:54:19 "terrific looking..."
501 00:54:22 I am completely aware of whatchemistry and drugs can do
502 00:54:25 to assist and aidthe body and mind.
503 00:54:28 Yet I don't really believe what happenedto me comes strictly from chemistry.
504 00:54:34 There must be an explanationfor this phenomenon.
505 00:54:40 - Jennifer...- Hi, sweetie.
506 00:54:42 I knew I was on the right track, but Inever figured on anything like this.
507 00:54:47 I must have hit on heredity. Yep.
508 00:54:50 That's it. Heredity. Let's see...
509 00:54:58 Elmer...
510 00:55:00 Elmer!
511 00:55:01 If you're not in here in 10 seconds, yourdinner will go to your family: The hogs!
512 00:55:08 Elm...!
513 00:55:09 Don't you sneak up on me.
514 00:55:13 I was just finishing the ironing ofyour underthings, Edwina, darling.
515 00:55:21 Love... Angel...
516 00:55:25 And all the other nice things I wish Icould think of, so you won't hit...
517 00:55:32 or yell...
518 00:55:34 - Honey...- Honey?!
519 00:55:37 Don't you "honey" me, you...you artificial son of a lizard.
520 00:55:45 Now, sit down, and forthe third time today,
521 00:55:50 make a slob of yourselftrying to find your mouth.
522 00:56:08 Idiot!
523 00:56:10 - Can't you eat with your mouth closed?- Not until I get something in it, dearest.
524 00:56:15 What was that?
525 00:56:18 Nothing, nothing.It's quite all right.
526 00:56:20 You're right. You're always right.
527 00:56:27 My poor Dada.
528 00:56:29 My poor Dada.
529 00:56:43 Well, Jennifer, if that'swhat's to be then I'll be it.
530 00:56:46 You know what they say,Julie-baby: Que sera, sera.
531 00:56:54 Oh, Jennifer, you knowwhat I'm thinking?
532 00:56:59 If this formula were tofall into the wrong hands,
533 00:57:03 the consequences couldbe devastating.
534 00:57:06 Now, it's much toocomplicated to memorise
535 00:57:09 and far too vitallyimportant to destroy.
536 00:57:13 The only two people that I knowI can trust are my mother...
537 00:57:18 and my father.
538 00:57:20 What I should do...
539 00:57:24 is mail my formula, a copy,
540 00:57:28 to Mother and Father
541 00:57:30 with instructions that wereanything to happen to me,
542 00:57:36 they are to send a copy of the formulaand my original copy to Washington.
543 00:57:42 George or Martha?
544 00:57:44 No, Washington D...
545 00:57:48 You're a silly birdwith a big mouth.
546 00:58:34 - Professor Kelp...- Yes?
547 00:58:43 - I'm ready, Professor.- That's very... Yeah... What?
548 00:58:48 Did you forget about my test?
549 00:58:51 No... er...
550 00:58:54 Actually, no... I... I'm terriblysorry... I did... I have it here...
551 00:58:59 Why don't you sit down at yourtable and I'll get your paper.
552 00:59:04 I actually didn't, er,really forget. I, er...
553 00:59:15 I have so many members of the...
554 00:59:21 class, it's difficult to...
555 00:59:28 Oh, yes, here we are.
556 00:59:32 It's very difficult to...
557 00:59:37 You do want me to take the test?
558 00:59:40 I'm terribly sorry, Miss Purdy.
559 00:59:43 Certainly, of course, it'snecessary for you to take it.
560 00:59:49 - Miss Purdy...- Yes, Professor?
561 00:59:52 I was going to say, I sincerely hopethat you don't mind if I don't linger.
562 00:59:57 I have some very essential mattersthat I must take care of.
563 01:00:01 Certainly, Professor Kelp. Andthank you for understanding.
564 01:00:06 I understand far better than youwould ever believe, honey...
565 01:00:10 Er, Miss Purdy, that is.
566 01:00:14 You just go right onand thank you for...
567 01:00:34 Julius! In the afternoon?
568 01:00:40 Hiya, chicky-baby.
569 01:00:44 - How's it going?- Fine.
570 01:00:47 Crazy. I thought I'd visit your littleland of learning. Cute. Cute pad.
571 01:00:52 What happened to you last night?What d'you run away like that for?
572 01:00:57 I thought you saw aghost or something.
573 01:01:00 Oh, yeah. How about that?
574 01:01:02 That's why I stopped by.
575 01:01:05 I thought I'd lay it on you,but this ain't the place to talk.
576 01:01:08 What do you say we meet later at thePurple Pit? We could talk better there.
577 01:01:15 I don't know. You're pretty weird.And I don't want...
578 01:01:18 - Sh, sh. 10 o'clock?- Perfect.
579 01:01:21 Figures.
580 01:01:23 Hey, honey, you looka little drawn.
581 01:01:28 Did you find it a little difficult goingall this time without seeing me? Sh, sh.
582 01:01:35 Don't fight it.
583 01:01:38 I don't want to hang you up, honey.I see you're doing your little test here.
584 01:01:45 But don't worry, beautiful.Science'll do fine without you.
585 01:01:49 But man needs you the most.This man. Come here.
586 01:01:56 That's good for you. If youwant more, call for refills.
587 01:02:01 Later.
588 01:02:05 Write nice.
589 01:02:46 I just told you the time.It's still 11.15.
590 01:02:48 - Yeah, I know.- OK, kids.
591 01:02:52 You can all relax.
592 01:02:55 Watch where you're going, Mac.
593 01:02:59 Now that your desperate attemptat having a good time's flunked,
594 01:03:03 have no fear, Buddy's here.
595 01:03:07 Let the good times roll.
596 01:03:09 Hiya, baby.
597 01:03:12 There's my date.
598 01:03:14 That sharp-looking chick's my date.
599 01:03:46 Cheer up, baby, your prizepackage has arrived.
600 01:03:51 - Hello, stale ones.- You're pretty late, Mr Love.
601 01:03:54 Hold it, baby, you got it a little mixed up.You're just way too early, that's all.
602 01:04:00 Be a nice girl and plant oneover there. You'll feel better.
603 01:04:04 Come on, the best thingsin life are free.
604 01:04:06 And you'll admit, you've got oneof the best things. Lay it on me.
605 01:04:11 You're impossible.
606 01:04:12 Yeah, well, have someimpossible. Come on.
607 01:04:21 See, wasn't that worth waiting for?
608 01:04:25 Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-UH!
609 01:04:29 You gotta admit, I'm not one ofthe run-of-the-mill-type creeps
610 01:04:34 that hang around this joint, right?
611 01:04:36 You got a good thing,don't louse it up.
612 01:04:39 Isn't it enough that you've gotthe swingingest and the best?
613 01:04:44 You want me to be on time, too?
614 01:04:48 - OK, OK, you win.- Naturally.
615 01:04:54 Please tell me why you ran away lastnight and left me just sitting there?
616 01:05:00 Hey, hey, don't get all riled up.Cool it! Cool it!
617 01:05:05 I don't want to get into no discussionson an empty stomach anyhow. This is flat.
618 01:05:12 Vampira, bring your kit.
619 01:05:21 You rang?
620 01:05:23 You don't sound exactly toothrilled to serve the leader.
621 01:05:26 On the contrary, I find it a rareprivilege to serve His Royal Lowest.
622 01:05:31 You're cute, like a black widow spider.Shut your mouth and just take the order.
623 01:05:37 I've decided I shall not continuethe flight with the fuel I got.
624 01:05:42 So give me a boilermaker,and heavy on the boil.
625 01:05:47 Go on, go on, go on. Come on,I haven't got all night.
626 01:05:55 She's crazy about me also.
627 01:05:58 Now, Lost Weekend Junior,you've ordered your drink.
628 01:06:03 About last night. Would youlike to explain what happened?
629 01:06:07 I told you I was goingto tell you. It's...
630 01:06:11 Why don't we tableit a while, sweetie?
631 01:06:13 I mean, all the kids, they're kindof waiting. It's Dullsville out.
632 01:06:18 I'll be back. You take five. And Ilove you, baby. Mean it sincerely.
633 01:06:23 You wait for me, huh?
634 01:06:26 Oh, there you are, sweets.Thanks a lot.
635 01:06:38 Sickening, isn't he?
636 01:06:41 But... he's got something.
637 01:06:45 And I mean to find out what it is.
638 01:06:50 I think I'll do...
639 01:06:53 do a tune that I'm going torecord for Poverty Records.
640 01:07:01 They're the onlyones who'll have me.
641 01:07:09 ♪ I'm in the mood for love
642 01:07:17 ♪ Simply... Simp...
643 01:07:19 ♪ Simply because...
644 01:07:23 ♪ you're near me
645 01:07:27 ♪ Fun... Fun... Fun...
646 01:07:30 ♪ F... Funny butwhen you're near me
647 01:07:36 ♪ I... I'm...
648 01:07:41 ♪ I'm in the mood for love... ♪
649 01:07:55 That's...
650 01:07:57 I think that'll be itfor a while, kids.
651 01:08:03 Later, Stella. Wait...
652 01:08:10 I feel like the girlon her wedding night
653 01:08:13 whose absent-minded husband goeshome to his mother for dinner.
654 01:08:32 Where is he?
655 01:08:35 - What time is it?- I think he's getting his watch fixed.
656 01:08:38 - Think he had an accident?- Where is he?
657 01:08:43 - Ten to one he doesn't show.- Hope nothing's wrong.
658 01:09:52 The... Ow!
659 01:10:41 ♪ Round and round and round I go
660 01:10:43 ♪ In a spin
661 01:10:45 ♪ Loving the spin that I am in
662 01:10:48 ♪ Under that old black magic called
663 01:10:51 ♪ Old black magic called
664 01:10:53 ♪ Old black magic called love
665 01:10:59 ♪ Love... ♪
666 01:11:01 "One chemical, havingmany individual parts...
667 01:11:09 "can always be broken down...broken down, always...
668 01:11:15 "to such a degree that we neverneed to be in the dark...
669 01:11:20 "about the whys and whereforeof their capacity.
670 01:11:23 "And, to me, carbon dioxide
671 01:11:27 "has always been a gas."
672 01:11:32 No, I didn't mean... Yes...
673 01:11:34 Actually, it kinda swings and...
674 01:11:53 The formula needs to bestronger to ensure more time.
675 01:11:59 Stronger... ensure more time.
676 01:13:02 Tired.
677 01:13:04 Tired.
678 01:13:06 Yes, Dr Warfield wouldappreciate it very much.
679 01:13:09 Can I go right in?
680 01:13:12 The faculty is always ready toserve the needs of the students.
681 01:13:17 - I'm terribly sorry I'm late, Dr Warfield.- Any time, Miss Purdy, any time at all.
682 01:13:23 Thank you.
683 01:13:26 Therefore, the successor failure of the prom
684 01:13:30 rests on your shoulders as membersof the Entertainment Committee.
685 01:13:35 Miss Lemmon, will you send in theproposed list of the entertainments.
686 01:13:43 Good, good, "The Lightlighters".Wonderful... Love folk singers.
687 01:13:48 ♪ The blue-nosed beetle likesto needle all the people... ♪
688 01:13:55 Who is this "Wickern and Wett"?The comedy team?
689 01:13:58 Good, good, perfect.
690 01:14:00 I thought they'd split up.
691 01:14:02 Who's this "Buddy Love"?What's a Buddy Love?
692 01:14:07 He's a local boy.He's just terrific.
693 01:14:11 - He's our new leader.- Leader?
694 01:14:13 - He's, like, too much.- Like too much what?
695 01:14:17 He's one of the truly greatswingers of all time.
696 01:14:22 Swingers... Swingers of all time...
697 01:14:26 It seems that you studentsknow Mr Love quite well.
698 01:14:28 What about the faculty members?Anyone here familiar with Mr Love?
699 01:14:33 - Oh, he's the greatest.- Do you know Mr Love?
700 01:14:37 Oh... Me?
701 01:14:38 No... I meant... Well, I heardall the other students...
702 01:14:43 - Professor Kelp, I heard that myself.- Yes, you did.
703 01:14:47 Anyone here know Mr Love?
704 01:14:51 Very well, in that case, Iwill have to meet him myself.
705 01:14:55 Have him come to myoffice at three o'clock.
706 01:14:58 Dr Warfield, we don't exactly knowhow to get in touch with Mr Love,
707 01:15:05 on such short notice, that is.
708 01:15:07 What do you mean? Is he somekind of roving bum or something?
709 01:15:12 - I've never heard of such a thing.- I might see him tonight.
710 01:15:17 That's not good enough. I wantto see him today at three.
711 01:15:21 I beg your pardon,Dr Warfield, but I...
712 01:15:25 I just might be able to see my way clear,possibly, to contact this Mr... Love.
713 01:15:33 Professor Kelp, I don'tcare who contacts him.
714 01:15:36 Just get him here by three o'clocktoday or forget the whole thing.
715 01:15:40 Meeting dismissed.
716 01:16:12 - Where's your pad?- About a mile from campus.
717 01:16:16 I have bought the craziest new drapes...You mean my dictation pad.
718 01:16:20 - Sorry, I'll get it immediately.- Never mind. What did you want?
719 01:16:25 Mr Love is waiting outside tosee you and he's a gasser...
720 01:16:30 I mean, shall I ask him to come in?
721 01:16:32 - If you can do so without fainting.- Yes, sir.
722 01:16:54 You gonna make thatyour life's work, baby?
723 01:16:57 Hey, here.
724 01:17:02 Mr Love?
725 01:17:04 Buddy to you. What's your moniker?What do they call you?
726 01:17:08 Mortimer, Harvey, Norman,Homer? Which is it?
727 01:17:12 You may call me DrWarfield, young man.
728 01:17:14 OK, Doc it is.
729 01:17:16 What kinda doctor are you, sweetie?Sawbones, is that the idea?
730 01:17:20 Or a headshrinker? I wentto them once, you dig?
731 01:17:24 Headshrinker. Told me I had a dualpersonality, split, schizo and all that jazz.
732 01:17:28 He charges me $82, so I give him $41 andsay get the rest from the other guy.
733 01:17:38 What's eating you?
734 01:17:40 Mr Love, I sent for you inregard to the senior prom.
735 01:17:47 However, after seeingyou, my door...
736 01:17:50 Would you think I was terribly rude ifI asked you the name of your tailor?
737 01:17:57 - That's wild. Absolutely gorgeous.- Oh, you mean this?
738 01:18:02 - Just beautiful.- Actually, it's just a ready-made suit.
739 01:18:07 You're kidding?
740 01:18:08 Well, sort of a handmade-to-orderready-made suit off the rack.
741 01:18:14 Just magnificent. I think you're modest.Is that the picture, sweetie?
742 01:18:17 You've got the perfect physique andanything you put on swings, right?
743 01:18:22 Ever consider goinginto show business?
744 01:18:24 - I did a few school plays...- Nutty...
745 01:18:26 Girls backstage mob you, swamp you?Is that the picture?
746 01:18:29 - Stay there, don't move.- You might say that in my time...
747 01:18:33 Sorry, Doc. You all right?
748 01:18:35 Did you really do ajob in show business?
749 01:18:39 Anyone ever say you gota Cary Grant-ish look?
750 01:18:42 Ever see him walk towards a girl?
751 01:18:44 Try that walk. Let me see, I'm justcurious. Walk like Cary Grant. Beautiful.
752 01:18:49 Beautiful. Sure you're doingthe right thing working here?
753 01:18:52 What did you do? Shakespeare?
754 01:18:54 - I knew it... Hamlet...- Hamlet...
755 01:18:56 - Would you do it?- Mr Love, it's been so long...
756 01:18:58 Would you do it for me, Doctor?Come on, baby. It's gotta be wild.
757 01:19:04 - Go ahead.- Let's see...
758 01:19:07 - To be...- Hold it! Do it right.
759 01:19:09 Get on the stage. Letme be your audience.
760 01:19:12 - The faculty...!- It's the best thing in the world for you.
761 01:19:16 - Get up there and perform.- If you insist...
762 01:19:19 - Let it out.- To be, or...
763 01:19:22 Hold it. Let's make it a stage.Let's make it right.
764 01:19:26 You're gonna be beautiful,just beautiful. Lay it on me.
765 01:19:31 Am I in the light?
766 01:19:33 - To be, or not...- Hold it! Do it right.
767 01:19:35 Be in show business. Hamlet, right?You gotta play it all the way.
768 01:19:40 Hamlet... Here, put it on. It'sgonna make you feel beautiful.
769 01:19:44 - I feel it already.- You'll play it like it's never been played.
770 01:19:48 - Go on. Let it out. Enjoy it.- It's a difference...
771 01:19:54 - To be, or...- Hold it. Do it right. Hamlet?
772 01:19:57 A prince? You gotta go allthe way with the sword.
773 01:20:00 You dig Hamlet. Do it.Enjoy it. It's beautiful.
774 01:20:04 Beautiful. You've wasted yourlife with this school jazz.
775 01:20:07 Well, I've often thoughtof chucking it all...
776 01:20:11 - To be, or...- Hold it.
777 01:20:13 Royalty is one thing, a crown.
778 01:20:16 Do it right. Hamlet. Do it right.
779 01:20:19 - Have the crown. Be Hamlet.- My hat...!
780 01:20:22 It's the way it should be.You've got the crown.
781 01:20:26 - I think I have it.- Do Hamlet and really let it out.
782 01:20:31 You're beautiful.
783 01:20:33 To be, or not to be;that is the question:
784 01:20:37 Whether 'tis noblerin the mind to suffer
785 01:20:40 The slings and arrows ofoutrageous fortune...
786 01:20:44 - Oh, beautiful. Doctor, you choked me.- I'm not through...
787 01:20:48 You choked me. It was gorgeous.The prettiest thing I've ever seen.
788 01:20:53 - See you at the prom, Doc?- Oh, yes.
789 01:20:55 - Behind the footlights?- We'll have you there...
790 01:20:58 - I knew it, baby. You're beautiful.- Carry on the great tradition of theatre.
791 01:21:03 - Practise that Shakespeare.- At the prom, Mr Love.
792 01:21:09 To be, or not to be;that is the question...
793 01:21:42 Jennifer, what am Ito do, Jennifer?
794 01:21:45 Have you ever thought of taking poison?Ha, ha, ha, ha, Julius, taking poison!
795 01:24:18 Hi... Doctor.
796 01:24:21 - Kelp.- Yes, sir?
797 01:24:24 - Do you mind?- Not at all. Do you lead?
798 01:24:29 I'm sorry. I did misunderstand.
799 01:24:31 I get carried away, what with the music.It was a toe-tapper, I must admit.
800 01:24:37 It's rare to hear instrumentation thesedays, what with folk singers, etc...
801 01:24:43 Would you care for somerefreshment, Miss Lemmon?
802 01:24:46 Thank you, I think I would, but letme go. You don't have to bother.
803 01:24:52 There's no bother.It would be my pleasure.
804 01:24:55 - Kelp...- Yes, I'll have a lemonade, too.
805 01:24:59 - Kelp, will you get us two lemonades?- I'm terribly sorry, Doctor.
806 01:25:03 I was again so terribly distressedat that wonderful toe-tapper.
807 01:25:09 Well, zip and I'm gone.
808 01:25:33 Hi, Professor.
809 01:25:35 - Oh, Stell.- Stell?
810 01:25:37 That is, Miss Purdy... I'm sorry.
811 01:25:41 How are you? Are youhaving a good time, dear?
812 01:25:45 I'm having a good time, but...
813 01:25:48 I'd have a much better time ifsomebody would ask me to dance.
814 01:26:03 Cat got your tongue, Professor?
815 01:26:06 No, the punch bowl has my arm.
816 01:26:12 - I didn't realise...- Let me help you.
817 01:26:14 Thank you. I guess I'mjust accident prone.
818 01:26:19 - Don't worry about it.- I won't.
819 01:26:22 - Come on, let's dance.- Oh, yes, all right. Let me leave that.
820 01:26:28 That sounds like a splendid idea.
821 01:27:01 I neglected to mention, Miss Purdy, you'relooking very beautiful this evening.
822 01:27:06 You must be looking forward toseeing your Buddy Love tonight.
823 01:27:09 - How did you know that?- Everyone knows he's appearing tonight.
824 01:27:14 Oh... Here. I guess I'm lookingforward to seeing him.
825 01:27:20 But I can't figure out why.
826 01:27:24 Well, he is quitegood-looking, is he not?
827 01:27:28 Oh, yes, he is, but thatmeans nothing to me.
828 01:27:33 He... I'm told he is a young manwith a very nice personality.
829 01:27:41 On the contrary, he's rude, disrespectful,self-centred and discourteous.
830 01:27:49 Then it's not his nice personality.
831 01:27:51 Hardly.
832 01:27:53 I'm told that he's quitetalented, though.
833 01:27:56 Oh, yes, he's very talented.But talent comes in many forms.
834 01:28:02 I believe intelligence is agreater talent than anything.
835 01:28:07 If Buddy has any real intelligence, he hasa fantastic talent for keeping it hidden.
836 01:28:14 I see, well, then,evidently, Miss Purdy,
837 01:28:17 whatever you see in this youngman it must be very well buried.
838 01:28:24 I think you're getting warm.
839 01:28:26 Well, then, perhaps, andit's just a possibility,
840 01:28:30 he chooses to keep the inner manlocked up so that no one steps on him.
841 01:28:37 But he should know I don'twant to step on him.
842 01:28:42 Maybe someday I'll getto prove it to him.
843 01:28:45 If he ever unlocks that innerman and lets him loose,
844 01:28:50 so that I can grabhim and hold him.
845 01:28:53 - I appreciate it.- What?
846 01:28:56 That... What I meantwas, that's very nice.
847 01:29:14 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.It's show time. Gather round!
848 01:29:18 We'll get the show on the road.
849 01:29:21 Before we go on, I'd like you tomeet some of the specialists:
850 01:29:25 There's Butch Stone upthere, you remember Butch.
851 01:29:31 My kid brother, Stumpy Brown.
852 01:29:33 Stumpy not only plays thetrombone, but also sings.
853 01:29:37 Butch Stone is known for 'AGood Man is Hard to Find'.
854 01:29:41 We've a great show lined upfor you, a few surprises...
855 01:29:45 Why do men keeprunning away from me?
856 01:30:11 The formula...
857 01:30:17 - Jennifer!- Hi, there.
858 01:30:19 Jennifer.
859 01:30:29 My formula.
860 01:30:34 Th-Th-The formula.
861 01:30:37 Jennifer, you've eatenall of my formula.
862 01:30:43 - Excuse me.- Oh, shut up, you stupid bird!
863 01:30:48 Then I can't suggest youcall your mother and father
864 01:30:51 and get them to read the formulafrom the copy you sent...
865 01:30:55 Oh, what a wonderful bird!Where's the phone?
866 01:31:03 Long distance will be area code...Oh, yes, area code...
867 01:31:07 Sp... Sp... Splendididea, Jennifer.
868 01:31:14 H... Hello, Father.
869 01:31:18 Hello... I say, hello, Father.
870 01:31:22 This is Julius. Yeah, I...
871 01:31:24 Julius... J... Yes, your son.
872 01:31:27 Would you be good enough, Dad,
873 01:31:30 to open the formula for me and readit to me so I can mark it down.
874 01:31:36 Yes, I certainly... Actually,I'd appreciate it, yes...
875 01:31:47 It's just going tohave to be enough.
876 01:32:23 Where can he be? I hope nothing'shappened to prevent his getting here.
877 01:32:28 He better get here orthere'll be a riot.
878 01:32:43 Thank you. Thank you very much.
879 01:32:47 Ladies and gentlemen,introducing the next performer
880 01:32:50 is one of the easiestchores I've ever had.
881 01:32:53 Simply because this card I'mholding is the announcement
882 01:32:57 that the performer wantsread exactly as written.
883 01:33:01 Makes it easy.
884 01:33:03 Ladies and gentlemen, presentingthe world's greatest everything.
885 01:33:09 The best dressed, theswingingest performer,
886 01:33:12 and one of the nicestguys in the whole world.
887 01:33:16 Here he is, the 1963 seniorprom's answer to Don Juan,
888 01:33:21 Mr Buddy Love.
889 01:33:53 ♪ Up at dawn and sleepy and yawning
890 01:33:56 ♪ Still the taste of wine
891 01:34:00 ♪ Then I rememberyou're mine and...
892 01:34:04 ♪ I've got a world that's fine
893 01:34:08 ♪ What's before me?Routines that bore me
894 01:34:11 ♪ Punch the clock at eight
895 01:34:15 ♪ But what a lucky guy I am
896 01:34:19 ♪ I've got a world that's great
897 01:34:23 ♪ Atom bombs
898 01:34:25 ♪ Cape Canaveral and false alarms
899 01:34:29 ♪ Half the universe is up in arms
900 01:34:33 ♪ So I flip a little, tooUntil I'm holding you
901 01:34:38 ♪ What's the hassle?I'll buy the castle
902 01:34:42 ♪ We can live like kings
903 01:34:46 ♪ If we're together for ever
904 01:34:49 ♪ I've got a world that...
905 01:34:51 ♪ You've got a world that...
906 01:34:53 ♪ We've got a world that swings
907 01:34:57 ♪ I'd like to take you throughthis wild, wonderful venture
908 01:35:01 ♪ Fly like a kite throughspace, no strings
909 01:35:05 ♪ I don't want to losethat bell that rings
910 01:35:09 ♪ I've got a world that...
911 01:35:11 ♪ You've got a world that...
912 01:35:14 ♪ We've got a worldthat swi-i-i-ings
913 01:35:21 ♪ We've got a world that swings ♪
914 01:35:44 You're very wise.
915 01:35:47 If you'll hold it a second,I'll thrill you some more.
916 01:35:51 I'd like to do a tune for you that'sbeen a favourite of the gang at the...
917 01:35:56 you should pardon the expression,Dr Warfield... Purple Pit.
918 01:36:03 You dig? It's that oldstandard, 'Black Magic'.
919 01:36:18 ♪ That old... ♪
920 01:36:49 ♪ That old... ♪
921 01:37:03 I, er...
922 01:37:08 Ladies and gentlemen,I'm not usually at...
923 01:37:15 I'm not usually ata loss for words,
924 01:37:20 but if you'll just...
925 01:37:23 bear with me a moment, I thinkI might be able to explain.
926 01:37:31 It happened some time ago...
927 01:37:35 being a scientist, I justhappened to have stumbled on
928 01:37:41 one of the curiousmysteries of science.
929 01:37:47 I found myself...
930 01:37:50 so curious that I wasunable to just stop.
931 01:37:57 Nonetheless...
932 01:38:00 I never really knew whatwas going to prevail.
933 01:38:05 I do know now that I should'veleft it alone... actually.
934 01:38:13 But...
935 01:38:17 it is a very, veryhard thing to do,
936 01:38:23 particularly when you've found thatyou've been able to do something
937 01:38:28 that so many others failed to do.
938 01:38:34 Therefore...
939 01:38:42 Actually, I have no realdefence for my actions,
940 01:38:49 other than...
941 01:38:52 I had no control over what Isaid or did as Buddy Love.
942 01:39:17 I can only say...
943 01:39:24 I hope...
944 01:39:26 I hope I haven't hurt anyone...
945 01:39:29 hurt anyone.
946 01:39:32 I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
947 01:39:35 I didn't mean to do...
948 01:39:38 anything that wasn'tof a kind nature.
949 01:39:46 Learning a lesson in life is...
950 01:39:50 is never...
951 01:39:53 is never really too late.
952 01:39:58 And I think that the...
953 01:40:02 the lesson that I learnedcame just in time.
954 01:40:10 I don't want to...
955 01:40:13 I don't want to besomething that I'm not.
956 01:40:17 I didn't like being someone else.
957 01:40:21 At the same time,I'm very glad I was.
958 01:40:26 'Cause I found out somethingthat I never knew.
959 01:40:34 You might as well like yourself.
960 01:40:40 Just think about all the time you'regoing to have to spend with you.
961 01:40:44 And...
962 01:40:48 Well...
963 01:40:55 If you don't think much ofyourself, how can others?
964 01:40:58 That's what I found out.
965 01:41:20 Dr Warfield, I'm very sorry and...
966 01:41:26 I like it here at theuniversity very much.
967 01:41:29 I hope that...
968 01:41:32 I hope that after you hear the facts, youwon't think too terribly wrong of me.
969 01:41:39 I love everybody here and I...
970 01:41:43 I wouldn't really liketo leave... actually.
971 01:42:32 Can I be of anyassistance, Professor?
972 01:42:41 No, thank you very much. I'll...
973 01:42:45 I'll have to just try and workthis out myself, thank you.
974 01:42:51 Well, there's really nothingto work out, Professor,
975 01:42:56 other than understand that
976 01:43:01 just being one person is more thanenough for any human being to handle.
977 01:43:10 Do you mean that...
978 01:43:13 - Well, you have to understand that...- Sh!
979 01:43:17 I'm only trying to say that I'd never wantto spend my life with anyone like Buddy.
980 01:43:27 Being the wife of a professorwould be much more normal and...
981 01:43:34 much happier.
982 01:43:40 Oh, Stella!
983 01:43:44 See, I... I told youI'm accident prone.
984 01:44:09 That's actually...
985 01:44:12 "The psychological propertiesof visual quality and quantity
986 01:44:17 "can be represented convenientlyby a three-dimensional diagram.
987 01:44:23 Three-dimensional diagram,right. Oddly enough...
988 01:44:28 Thanks, sonny. Thanks fortelling us where our kid works.
989 01:44:32 Not so loud, Elmer, dear.Loud? Who the devil's loud?
990 01:44:36 Oh-oh! Whoah-oh!
991 01:44:41 Marge, Marge, Marge, Marge.
992 01:44:44 Hey, class, how are you?Good to be amongst.
993 01:44:51 Well, well...
994 01:44:55 If it isn't the square bookwormwe laughingly referred to as our son.
995 01:45:02 Here, bookworm, have a cigar.
996 01:45:05 Go ahead, go on. Pure Havana,straight from Havana, yeah.
997 01:45:10 Cost us $6 million ransom.Pretty good, huh?
998 01:45:16 Good to see you again, Julius.
999 01:45:18 Mush and hush. Mouth,mouth, hush, mush.
1000 01:45:22 Here, now, back, back.Hush. Nothing.
1001 01:45:27 Here it is, kids. Are you tired of beinga square? Tired of a dull existence?
1002 01:45:33 Well, for one dollar, thetenth part of a sawbuck,
1003 01:45:37 try Kelp's Kool Tonic.
1004 01:45:40 You, too, can be thelife of the party.
1005 01:45:43 He's right, kids, it's a gasser.
1006 01:45:44 Step right up, folks.Be somebody, be anybody.
1007 01:45:50 - Sixteen bottles, look, here.- Five...
1008 01:45:57 Wait, wait, wait, Stella.
1009 01:45:59 Wait, sweetheart, what have I done?
1010 01:46:02 What has he done? What will I do?
1011 01:46:04 I know what you'll do.Do you have the licence?
1012 01:46:08 - Yes, here it is, dear.- What are we waiting for?
1013 01:46:12 What about the formula, whatabout Mother, what about Father?
1014 01:46:16 What's done is done. And wehave our own lives to live.
1015 01:46:20 Come on, let's go.
1016 01:46:24 Yes, actually, Stella, what'sright is right, let's split.
