不可抗拒 Irresistible(2020)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:38 Good evening. I welcome you to the third
2 00:00:41 and final of the 2016 presidential debates.
3 00:00:43 We either have a country, or we don't.
4 00:00:45 Rounding up people who are undocumented...
5 00:00:47 We have some bad hombres here.
6 00:00:48 ...is an idea that is not in keeping
7 00:00:50 - with who we are as a nation. - I tell it like it is.
8 00:00:52 I'm happy to compare my 30 years of experience...
9 00:00:55 The one thing you have over me is experience,
10 00:00:56 but it's bad experience.
11 00:00:57 We are going to make America great again,
12 00:00:59 and it has to start now.
13 00:01:01 I hope you will give me a chance to serve as your president.
14 00:01:05 Donald Trump told the American people the truth tonight,
15 00:01:07 as he always does.
16 00:01:09 Hillary Clinton is the real outsider.
17 00:01:12 Look, whatever you think you saw tonight...
18 00:01:14 You didn't. You actually saw what I saw,
19 00:01:16 and I think that the American people...
20 00:01:17 Would agree with me.
21 00:01:18 As long as I say it repeatedly, doggedly...
22 00:01:20 And with unearned confidence.
23 00:01:23 I lie.
24 00:01:25 I am lying to you.
25 00:01:26 And you know I lie.
26 00:01:27 I'm actually in this position
27 00:01:29 because of how effectively I lie to you.
28 00:01:31 Are we clear?
29 00:01:32 We call this the spin room, without shame.
30 00:01:34 Spinning is something you do to disorient people.
31 00:01:37 And you all know that, and yet here we are.
32 00:01:40 What a wonderful play we're putting on.
33 00:01:42 Thank you all so much.
34 00:01:43 And fuck you, America.
35 00:01:45 I look forward to lying to you in the future.
36 00:01:47 See you at the bar.
37 00:01:49 Thank you.
38 00:02:09 Shockwaves across America.
39 00:02:11 His surprise victory defied preelection polling.
40 00:02:13 Tectonic-plate-shifting, 9.5 on the Richter scale earthquake.
41 00:02:17 So that's just a snapshot of the reaction we're getting this morning.
42 00:02:20 And we're still trying to get our good old pal Gary Zimmer to talk to us.
43 00:02:23 He's probably halfway to Canada by now.
44 00:02:25 Yeah, maybe halfway to Canadian Club.
45 00:02:27 I'd love to ask this guy what the hell he was thinking.
46 00:02:30 How did they blow this election?
47 00:02:32 Hey, guys, did you find the clip?
48 00:02:34 You got it? Okay.
49 00:02:35 This is our good friend Gary Zimmer,
50 00:02:37 grand old consigliere of the Clinton campaign,
51 00:02:40 not even a week ago on this program.
52 00:02:44 So, you're confident?
53 00:02:45 Oh, no question. Hillary's made her case.
54 00:02:47 She is the most qualified presidential candidate,
55 00:02:50 certainly in my lifetime, maybe ever.
56 00:02:52 Donald Trump will not be president.
57 00:02:54 Well, he is doing well in the South,
58 00:02:56 so maybe he can be president of the Confederacy.
59 00:02:59 But Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania.
60 00:03:01 Mika, he's not winning Pennsylvania.
61 00:03:03 He's not winning Michigan.
62 00:03:04 That rust belt blue wall is impenetrable. It holds.
63 00:03:08 I guarantee.
64 00:03:09 Well, you decided to spend almost no time there campaigning.
65 00:03:12 Was that a Carville impression?
66 00:03:14 All right, so wait a minute.
67 00:03:15 - Tommy, try Gary again. - Google, off.
68 00:03:17 Okay, we have Faith Brewster on the line...
69 00:03:19 Hey, Google, off.
70 00:03:20 Sorry. Power controls is not yet supported.
71 00:03:23 Phone lady, decline.
72 00:03:24 Try asking again in a different way.
73 00:03:25 Hang up. Hey, Google, tell phone lady to hang up.
74 00:03:29 Sorry, I'm not sure how to help with that yet.
75 00:03:30 - Off, off! - Sorry, I'm still not sure about that.
76 00:03:32 Hey, Google, disengage.
77 00:03:33 - Songs aren't available on SiriusXM. - Abort.
78 00:03:35 - I'm not sure about that. - Everybody, shut up!
79 00:03:36 Try asking again in a different way.
80 00:04:08 Carolgcz
81 00:04:12 Giggles
82 00:04:19 kathy567
83 00:04:50 caroline
84 00:06:37 So, if there is no further discussion,
85 00:06:39 can I get a motion to vote on Resolution 1217,
86 00:06:42 requiring a valid Wisconsin driver's license
87 00:06:45 or proof of U.S. citizenship
88 00:06:47 to qualify for any state or municipality program or benefit,
89 00:06:52 such as food stamps, welfare and so on and so forth.
90 00:06:56 So moved.
91 00:06:57 - Second? - Second.
92 00:06:58 I have a second. It is time...
93 00:06:59 - Excuse me, fellas. - Jack, I already told you,
94 00:07:01 you can widen that easement on Hamburg...
95 00:07:03 Actually, it's about that resolution you're thinking about passing.
96 00:07:08 With all due respect, Colonel, that discussion has ended.
97 00:07:11 Yeah, yeah. So I heard.
98 00:07:13 But, uh...
99 00:07:14 the thing is that, um...
100 00:07:17 it's a bad idea.
101 00:07:20 - Y-You can't... - Okay, well,
102 00:07:21 I already seconded, but whatever...
103 00:07:23 I know we're in a bad spot, but...
104 00:07:25 you can't bring it back by throwing these people under the bus.
105 00:07:28 We're not throwing anybody under anything, Jack.
106 00:07:32 Money was tight when the base was still open, but now...
107 00:07:36 I mean, we just got to be smart.
108 00:07:37 We got to eliminate cheating the programs.
109 00:07:40 There's not a damn soul using those programs
110 00:07:42 that doesn't need 'em, and you know it.
111 00:07:44 And all they need to do is produce the acceptable I.D.,
112 00:07:47 and the benefits will be...
113 00:07:48 And you know they can't do that.
114 00:07:50 Well... I don't make the rules, Jack.
115 00:07:54 I mean, I do, I guess.
116 00:07:57 Not by myself, but... this is over.
117 00:08:03 Okay, we have a motion that has been seconded.
118 00:08:05 It is time to bring it to a vote.
119 00:08:07 You know, just curious...
120 00:08:09 You know, when the river backed up
121 00:08:11 and the folks you think might be cheating
122 00:08:13 stood shoulder to shoulder with us
123 00:08:15 stuffing sandbags for three days straight,
124 00:08:18 ended up saving your store,
125 00:08:21 you check their I.D.'s then?
126 00:08:22 Discussion's closed, Jack.
127 00:08:23 You checking I.D.'s when they're bringing food
128 00:08:25 to the church potlucks, Walt?
129 00:08:29 Enough, Jack.
130 00:08:30 You had your say.
131 00:08:35 Look, we got rules here,
132 00:08:37 but that don't make us bad people.
133 00:08:39 I'm not saying you're a bad person, Billy.
134 00:08:41 I'm saying you're scared.
135 00:08:44 Hell, we all are.
136 00:08:47 Damn town went from 15,000 to five overnight,
137 00:08:51 and business went with it.
138 00:08:53 We're not bringing it back by... by turning on each other.
139 00:08:57 Corps taught me the chain's only as strong as its weakest link.
140 00:09:02 And Father Heuvel here
141 00:09:05 taught me that I am my brother's keeper.
142 00:09:07 Wait. Go back to that "weak link" part.
143 00:09:08 Whatever you do for the least of us, you do for the Lord.
144 00:09:10 Yeah, okay. Yeah.
145 00:09:12 I mean, could this guy work?
146 00:09:14 Corps taught me the chain's only as strong as its weakest link.
147 00:09:19 Pretty good.
148 00:09:20 And Father Heuvel here
149 00:09:21 taught me that I am my brother's keeper.
150 00:09:24 Whatever you do for the least of us, you do for the Lord.
151 00:09:27 Looks conservative, sounds progressive.
152 00:09:29 The point is,
153 00:09:32 it's easy to be strong of character in the good times.
154 00:09:36 The test is the bad times.
155 00:09:38 If you can't live your principles then, well...
156 00:09:41 I guess they aren't principles; they're just hobbies.
157 00:09:46 Where is this again?
158 00:09:47 Wisconsin.
159 00:09:49 Deerlaken.
160 00:09:51 Deerlaken.
161 00:09:53 Gentlemen...
162 00:09:54 this square-jawed paragon of Americana
163 00:09:57 is our goddamn key back into the forbidden city.
164 00:10:01 - Well, that's my stop. - Sit. Kurt, sit.
165 00:10:03 - Call me when he gets to the point. - Nope.
166 00:10:04 You're not going anywhere. No, sit.
167 00:10:06 And we have Alan to thank
168 00:10:08 for bringing this man to our attention.
169 00:10:09 It's Evan.
170 00:10:11 Did I happen to mention that
171 00:10:11 he is a veteran of the United States Marine Corps?
172 00:10:14 - Yes. - And a farmer.
173 00:10:16 - You did. - I believe so.
174 00:10:16 And did I happen to mention that he's a widower?
175 00:10:19 - Impressive. - All right.
176 00:10:20 A man who makes Joe the Plumber look like
177 00:10:21 Dukakis in mom jeans and a fucking Easter bonnet...
178 00:10:24 in the reddest of counties
179 00:10:26 in the great now swing state of Wisconsin...
180 00:10:30 is...
181 00:10:32 a Democrat.
182 00:10:34 He's a Democrat?
183 00:10:36 Yeah.
184 00:10:37 He just doesn't know it yet.
185 00:10:39 Well, here's the idea: I get on a plane,
186 00:10:41 and I go to Wisconsin, and I use this guy
187 00:10:43 to road-test a more rural-friendly message.
188 00:10:47 It's a mayoral race... in the middle of nowhere.
189 00:10:50 Uh, I don't get how this helps us.
190 00:10:51 There are two million rural votes in these states alone.
191 00:10:54 If we lost them 2.7 to one instead of three to one,
192 00:10:57 we'd win, but we didn't even try.
193 00:10:59 Their base turned out. Ours didn't.
194 00:11:00 If we find a candidate to activate our base...
195 00:11:04 if our African Americans
196 00:11:06 and Latino communities...
197 00:11:08 It's just "Latino."
198 00:11:09 ...show up, we win.
199 00:11:11 We have to get the rural voters back into the tent,
200 00:11:13 even just a little bit.
201 00:11:14 Well, if it's all the same to you,
202 00:11:16 I'll stick with pandering to our special-interest groups,
203 00:11:20 thank you very much.
204 00:11:22 Sí, se puede. Sí, se puede.
205 00:11:26 - Sí, se... - I like the idea of expanding our base.
206 00:11:29 Not taking any voter for granted.
207 00:11:33 It does have some merit.
208 00:11:38 Good morning. Gary Zimmer's office.
209 00:11:39 Okay, so we'll make sure a car comes here and picks you up,
210 00:11:41 - and we'll make sure the driver is Frank. - Okay.
211 00:11:43 Um, it's a two-hour flight,
212 00:11:45 but you'll gain an hour when you get there.
213 00:11:46 - What is that? - The 7 Series.
214 00:11:49 It was the closest thing they had to your Tesla, but...
215 00:11:51 Just take a Sharpie, and write "liberal city douchebag"
216 00:11:53 on my forehead, okay?
217 00:11:55 - Come on, guys. - Yeah.
218 00:11:57 Um, Accord?
219 00:11:58 I'm traveling to America.
220 00:11:59 Explorer, neutral color.
221 00:12:01 And pack me like a conference.
222 00:12:02 Davos? TED?
223 00:12:04 Aspen, weekend package.
224 00:12:06 - Thank you. - Great.
225 00:12:07 Oh, and, guys, you know what?
226 00:12:08 Keep it simple.
227 00:12:10 Simple. No frills. Thank you.
228 00:12:11 - Got it. - Sure. Great.
229 00:12:14 Although, if the Explorer has a-a Bose
230 00:12:16 or a Bang & Olufsen sound package,
231 00:12:18 if they have it... it'd be good.
232 00:12:20 - Great. - Gotcha.
233 00:12:22 Did they say anything about catering?
234 00:12:25 Not yet.
235 00:12:26 Those little mozzarella balls would be great.
236 00:12:27 - Yeah? - Caprese salad.
237 00:12:29 - Something light. Balsamic. - Yeah, just...
238 00:12:30 Balsamic, all that jazz?
239 00:12:32 Cool.
240 00:12:37 Nothing.
241 00:12:39 Cool.
242 00:12:40 That's fun.
243 00:12:44 He'll flip the short pass.
244 00:12:45 Complete to Anderson. He's at the 35.
245 00:12:47 He moves to the 30-yard line...
246 00:12:49 - Here you go, Mr. Zimmer. - Oh, thank you.
247 00:12:51 Trailing by three points...
248 00:12:53 Thanks.
249 00:12:53 with time running out, the Packers roll 68 yards
250 00:12:57 across the frozen field and into legend.
251 00:13:02 He flips the pass. It's complete.
252 00:13:04 To Chuck Mercein.
253 00:13:05 He's at the 25, the 20...
254 00:13:06 With only three minutes to play,
255 00:13:08 all the hopes and dreams of an entire season
256 00:13:11 rested on the shoulders of one man.
257 00:13:27 This is "Fresh Air." I'm Terry Gross.
258 00:13:30 Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein
259 00:13:32 had one of the most successful
260 00:13:33 musical partnerships of the 20th century.
261 00:13:36 But I also think it's-it's a canard
262 00:13:39 that Hammerstein can't write funny songs.
263 00:13:41 She's got a beautiful voice, so let's hear her singing
264 00:13:44 "Everybody's Got a Home but Me."
265 00:13:45 Will you set the scene for us
266 00:13:47 about where this song fits into the show?
267 00:13:50 Well, this young prostitute has just arrived in Monterey...
268 00:14:03 Evening.
269 00:14:04 What can I get you?
270 00:14:06 How about a Bud and a burger?
271 00:14:09 That sounds good.
272 00:14:11 - Thank you so much. - Sure thing.
273 00:14:13 Coming up.
274 00:14:16 Hey, Charlie.
275 00:14:21 Tough day?
276 00:14:22 A long day, traveling.
277 00:14:24 Oh, yeah? Where from?
278 00:14:26 Washington, D.C.
279 00:14:27 Man, I ain't been there since, like, a school trip.
280 00:14:29 Can't even remember how many years ago that was.
281 00:14:31 It was 29. 29 years. Yeah?
282 00:14:32 - Was it? - 29 years. Ms. Heuvel's history class.
283 00:14:34 - That's what it was. Ms. Heuvel's history class. - Yeah.
284 00:14:36 Security guards chased us out of the Space Museum.
285 00:14:38 Yeah, well, we beat the dog shit out of those other kids.
286 00:14:41 Well, you guys aren't missing anything.
287 00:14:43 It is a nightmare down there.
288 00:14:45 Yeah. Well, no argument there.
289 00:14:47 Yeah. You can say that again.
290 00:14:49 Mike Staadt.
291 00:14:51 We call him Big Mike.
292 00:14:53 People call me Big Mike for some reason.
293 00:14:55 Well, it's, uh, because... to tell us apart.
294 00:14:57 Because I'm... my name's Mike, too, but I'm Little Mike.
295 00:14:59 How are you? Gary.
296 00:15:00 - Nice to meet you. - Gary, Gary.
297 00:15:02 Gary from D.C. D.C. Gary.
298 00:15:05 He likes to give everybody nicknames,
299 00:15:06 so that's why he's-he's giving you a nickname right now, which...
300 00:15:09 It shows friendship and affection.
301 00:15:11 Okay, yeah, but he doesn't...
302 00:15:12 If you don't like yours,
303 00:15:13 - I'll take it away. - No, I'm fine with my nickname.
304 00:15:14 Well, I appreciate it, Little Mike.
305 00:15:15 Okay, thank you, D.C. Gary.
306 00:15:17 Hey, this is our new friend, D.C. Gary.
307 00:15:19 How are you?
308 00:15:20 - Dave. - My name is Gary, and I'm from D.C., so...
309 00:15:22 - that works. - Well, welcome to Deerlaken.
310 00:15:24 - Thank you. - Ever been to Wisconsin before?
311 00:15:26 Uh, spent a fair amount of time in Madison.
312 00:15:28 So that's a no.
313 00:15:31 That's not Wisconsin.
314 00:15:32 Actually, I'm here to see Jack Hastings. You know him?
315 00:15:34 - Oh, yeah. - He's a great guy. Yeah, everybody knows Jack.
316 00:15:36 - The Colonel. Great guy. - Semper fi.
317 00:15:38 Yeah. YouTube star.
318 00:15:39 We've got some rooms upstairs, if you need.
319 00:15:42 - Sure. That sounds good. - Tonya?
320 00:15:44 Yeah, baby.
321 00:15:45 This gentleman here would like a room.
322 00:15:47 Oh, sure. What do you need, hon?
323 00:15:49 Uh, anything. Any room is fine.
324 00:15:52 Okay.
325 00:15:53 If you have something on a high floor
326 00:15:55 with a king bed and a coffee maker...
327 00:15:58 Okay. Yeah, we... everything's on the second floor.
328 00:16:00 - Perfect. - They're all pretty much the same.
329 00:16:01 That's perfect. I'm easy.
330 00:16:03 - Anything's good. - Take 206. It's the biggest.
331 00:16:05 - They're all unlocked. - Okay.
332 00:16:07 Thank you so much, Tonya.
333 00:16:10 - Hey, so, D.C. Gary. - Yeah.
334 00:16:12 You ever been to the White House?
335 00:16:13 - I have. - What's that like?
336 00:16:15 - What's that like? It's a lot smaller than you think. - Thanks.
337 00:16:18 - What? - Really?
338 00:16:19 - Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause we didn't...
339 00:16:20 I don't think we got by there on that student trip.
340 00:16:22 Must not have been built at that point.
341 00:16:24 That looks delicious. Thank you so much.
342 00:16:26 Do you have a bottle opener?
343 00:16:27 - That's a... no, that's just a twist. - Bud, you just twist.
344 00:16:29 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's a twist-off.
345 00:16:30 I know. I know.
346 00:16:32 Maybe he does need a bottle opener.
347 00:16:33 - Maybe use your-your vest. - He's probably...
348 00:16:35 - Maybe a European grip. - Ah, I got it.
349 00:16:37 - There we go. - There we go.
350 00:16:38 Cheers.
351 00:16:40 - Cheers. - Cheers.
352 00:16:41 - Cheers. - Here's to you.
353 00:16:42 - Cheers. - Budweiser.
354 00:16:52 You got to be kidding me.
355 00:17:01 Okay.
356 00:17:05 All right.
357 00:17:07 All right.
358 00:17:08 It's fine, it's fine.
359 00:17:10 It's fine!
360 00:17:12 All right.
361 00:17:14 And it's fucking locked.
362 00:17:17 Goddamn it.
363 00:17:18 Oh, shit.
364 00:17:20 Ah, fuck this.
365 00:17:23 Oh, Deerlaken.
366 00:17:26 Love it.
367 00:17:36 Okay.
368 00:17:40 Everything all right?
369 00:17:42 Hel... Yes? Hello?
370 00:17:44 - It's Dave. - Yes?
371 00:17:46 From the Hofbrau House.
372 00:17:47 - From downstairs? - Yes.
373 00:17:49 - O-Okay. - Everything all right?
374 00:17:51 Yeah, I was just looking for a Wi-Fi password.
375 00:17:55 Good luck.
376 00:17:56 Case-sensitive?
377 00:17:58 No, good luck getting Wi-Fi.
378 00:18:00 You're better off using your phone.
379 00:18:02 - Okay. - Okay.
380 00:18:04 All right, very good.
381 00:18:05 - Thank you. - Sure.
382 00:18:08 - Goodbye. - Night, Gar.
383 00:18:30 Everything all right?
384 00:18:47 Hey, D.C. Gary!
385 00:18:50 Hey, Gary.
386 00:18:56 Good morning, Gary.
387 00:18:59 Okay.
388 00:19:04 - Excuse me, Gary. - Hi, Gary.
389 00:19:11 Well, hello, Gary.
390 00:19:14 The Mikes told me that you're up from D.C.,
391 00:19:16 and I figured that you might be on the hunt
392 00:19:17 for some good caffeine.
393 00:19:19 Yes. Um... sure.
394 00:19:21 May I have a...
395 00:19:23 - Coffee? - A coffee.
396 00:19:25 Cream, two sugars.
397 00:19:27 Not how I like it, but good.
398 00:19:28 And i-if you don't mind, um,
399 00:19:30 when you head up to Jack's, can you give him this?
400 00:19:32 Jack, uh, he gets a little cranky if he doesn't get his linzers.
401 00:19:36 Oh, and I-I, uh...
402 00:19:37 I put a little streusel in there for you, too.
403 00:19:40 Just made it. Still warm.
404 00:19:45 Okay.
405 00:19:46 Ah, no, no, no, no, no.
406 00:19:47 You're saving me a trip, so...
407 00:19:52 Okay.
408 00:19:54 Okay.
409 00:19:55 Okay.
410 00:19:59 Bye, Gary.
411 00:20:00 Okay. Bye.
412 00:20:03 Have a good one.
413 00:20:04 Thank you. You have a good one.
414 00:20:07 Hey, guys. Have a good one.
415 00:20:10 Hey, lady. Have a good one.
416 00:20:12 All right. Is everybody having a good one?
417 00:20:15 What the fuck?
418 00:20:28 Oh, my God.
419 00:20:31 Oh, fuck!
420 00:20:42 Fuck me!
421 00:20:44 Oh, God.
422 00:21:24 Shit! God! God!
423 00:21:31 Sunny! Muffin! Stand down!
424 00:21:36 You Ann's new delivery guy?
425 00:21:39 I'm sorry.
426 00:21:41 I'll go back and get you some more of those.
427 00:21:43 It's fine. I'll probably end up
428 00:21:44 giving them most of them anyway.
429 00:21:50 Okay.
430 00:21:50 Okay.
431 00:21:52 That's an angry labradoodle.
432 00:21:56 Really beautiful out here.
433 00:21:59 Really takes me back.
434 00:22:01 You a farm boy?
435 00:22:03 Uh, no.
436 00:22:04 Political consultant.
437 00:22:08 Well, sir, I saw your video on the Internet...
438 00:22:11 the town hall you busted up.
439 00:22:14 Your comments on the responsibility
440 00:22:16 to the least of us moved me deeply.
441 00:22:18 - Grab a bucket. - And I'll grab a bucket.
442 00:22:20 And here they come. Okay.
443 00:22:22 I think, increasingly...
444 00:22:24 we have lost the capacity to see each other.
445 00:22:28 Empathy for those that we don't resemble.
446 00:22:31 Not to say partisanship has no place,
447 00:22:33 but certainly not at the level of toxicity
448 00:22:36 that our current debate incorporates.
449 00:22:39 "No man left behind" is your ethos as a Marine!
450 00:22:43 I think it's especially poignant this day and age!
451 00:22:46 Your words spoke to values, not identity.
452 00:22:49 So important.
453 00:23:03 God.
454 00:23:10 It was Abraham Lincoln who said,
455 00:23:12 "An appeal to our better angels."
456 00:23:23 You came out of there pretty fast.
457 00:23:24 Did you wash?
458 00:23:41 Okay.
459 00:23:42 Here it is.
460 00:23:45 I want you to be the Democratic candidate
461 00:23:48 for mayor of Deerlaken.
462 00:23:51 Now, I know you probably don't think that you're a Democrat,
463 00:23:54 but after watching your speech, I can assure you that you are,
464 00:23:57 and I would like to offer my company's services
465 00:24:00 to help you do so.
466 00:24:08 Well, I thank you.
467 00:24:11 You're welcome.
468 00:24:13 You know, thanks for the help today.
469 00:24:15 My pleasure.
470 00:24:16 But all things being equal,
471 00:24:20 I'd rather not.
472 00:24:25 All right.
473 00:24:27 Can I be completely honest with you?
474 00:24:30 No bullshit.
475 00:24:32 Be nice.
476 00:24:33 My daughter's here.
477 00:24:34 That was your daughter, with her-her arm up the c-cow?
478 00:24:38 Okay. Look...
479 00:24:41 Democrats are getting their asses kicked.
480 00:24:44 Because guys like me don't know how to talk to guys like you.
481 00:24:49 I really believe that you believe what I believe...
482 00:24:52 that what is happening in this town is wrong.
483 00:24:55 What is happening in this country is wrong.
484 00:24:57 People are turning their backs on each other.
485 00:24:59 We are forgetting that we need each other.
486 00:25:02 What you said in your speech...
487 00:25:04 strong as our weakest link.
488 00:25:05 Do you mean that?
489 00:25:07 Did you mean it when you said that?
490 00:25:08 Because if you did, I think that you have an obligation
491 00:25:11 to try to strengthen those weak links.
492 00:25:14 And you can do it. You can do it.
493 00:25:17 You can do it in this sort of position.
494 00:25:19 You can help strengthen those... those weak links.
495 00:25:25 You can achieve that.
496 00:25:31 Okay...
497 00:25:33 All right.
498 00:25:34 You know what?
499 00:25:38 All due respect, Colonel, anybody can make a speech.
500 00:25:42 The real test is backing up your words.
501 00:25:44 The things that you said to those folks in that meeting,
502 00:25:47 was that principle,
503 00:25:50 or was that just a hobby?
504 00:25:54 Let me know.
505 00:25:56 Why does he need three guns?
506 00:26:23 God.
507 00:26:26 Oh, God.
508 00:26:27 - Shit. - I'm sorry if I startled you, sunshine.
509 00:26:31 Don't you people believe in locks?
510 00:26:33 Or privacy or basic social contracts?
511 00:26:36 Yeah, Tonya let me in.
512 00:26:39 I told her I had something important
513 00:26:41 I needed to talk to you about.
514 00:26:45 You'll do it?
515 00:26:47 Under one condition.
516 00:26:49 Great. Name it.
517 00:26:52 You run the damn thing.
518 00:26:54 I got the farm to worry about.
519 00:26:55 Don't have any idea how to even start.
520 00:26:57 I will have one of my top guys make himself available to you.
521 00:27:00 No, no, that's not gonna do it.
522 00:27:02 You.
523 00:27:04 The deal is you run it from here.
524 00:27:08 I checked you out.
525 00:27:09 You got one hell of a portfolio.
526 00:27:14 So, deal?
527 00:27:21 I'd like a big clump of the cows
528 00:27:23 right here in the center.
529 00:27:27 - Do you copy me? - Yes, sir!
530 00:27:29 Okay. If you can just move 'em over that way.
531 00:27:32 - Yep! - Okay!
532 00:27:34 And if you could get some of them to face front.
533 00:27:36 Oh, my God.
534 00:27:37 Hey there, Colonel.
535 00:27:40 Gary.
536 00:27:42 Bobby, thanks a million for coming out here.
537 00:27:44 I'll be certain to vote for you.
538 00:27:46 Thank y'all, folks, for coming.
539 00:27:48 So, this is just a quick kickoff.
540 00:27:50 Let's make you look a little more like Farmer Jack
541 00:27:53 and less like Certified Public Accountant Jack.
542 00:27:57 - There you go. - Uh, okay.
543 00:28:01 - Oh, no, no. That's okay. - Quit it.
544 00:28:01 - That's okay. Donny, right? - Quit it.
545 00:28:03 Michael.
546 00:28:04 Michael, we can just boom him, okay?
547 00:28:06 The pole with the thing on the end.
548 00:28:08 Do you do sound, Michael?
549 00:28:10 - Chuck does sound. - Okay.
550 00:28:10 But he's at the lake with his family.
551 00:28:12 Okay, well, that's too bad that he's not...
552 00:28:14 - Eh, that's okay. That's okay. We'll just go without. - No.
553 00:28:16 - Thank you, Donny. - Thank you, son. Thank you.
554 00:28:18 Okay.
555 00:28:18 Let's give it a try.
556 00:28:20 There you are.
557 00:28:22 Uh, this is...
558 00:28:23 Why you are running for mayor.
559 00:28:27 I quote Patton...
560 00:28:29 and Jesus.
561 00:28:30 Paraphrase.
562 00:28:31 And you can't go to the prom without a corsage.
563 00:28:36 Let's make magic.
564 00:28:38 All right. Thank you for coming.
565 00:28:40 Could we quiet the cows, please?!
566 00:28:42 Thank you!
567 00:28:45 Ladies and gentlemen, Colonel Jack Hastings.
568 00:28:51 So, uh,
569 00:28:54 I am Colonel Jack Hastings, and...
570 00:28:57 I'm running for mayor.
571 00:29:04 So, uh...
572 00:29:07 How we doing?
573 00:29:10 All right. Beautifully put.
574 00:29:13 Are there any questions for the Colonel?
575 00:29:16 Anyone?
576 00:29:19 Bueller?
577 00:29:21 Yes, Colonel.
578 00:29:22 Yes, name and affiliation, please.
579 00:29:23 - It's Dan. - Name and affiliation, please.
580 00:29:27 I'm Dan.
581 00:29:29 Go ahead, Daniel.
582 00:29:30 Easy on the cows!
583 00:29:32 Yes, Mr. Hastings, uh, Colonel,
584 00:29:33 could you say that again?
585 00:29:34 Because I-I don't think my recorder was on.
586 00:29:40 Do it again?
587 00:29:41 Hey, you know what?
588 00:29:43 It's okay.
589 00:29:43 - Now... - We'll get it.
590 00:29:44 Okay, this one...
591 00:29:47 What I'm looking for...
592 00:29:49 don't put all the black ones in the center.
593 00:29:52 He's running as a moderate, okay?
594 00:29:55 And if you could get some facing this way,
595 00:29:57 that would be helpful.
596 00:29:58 More local news tonight out of Deerlaken.
597 00:30:00 Former Marine Colonel Jack Hastings
598 00:30:02 announcing today that he's running for mayor
599 00:30:05 as a Democrat.
600 00:30:05 While Braun may have an incumbent's advantage,
601 00:30:07 political insiders say Hastings
602 00:30:09 is likely to give him a run for his money.
603 00:30:11 Happening now, a major...
604 00:30:12 Well, how much is this gonna cost?
605 00:30:15 You let me worry about that.
606 00:30:17 What I need from you are people, volunteers.
607 00:30:20 We got a lot of legwork
608 00:30:21 if we're gonna make a noise in this thing.
609 00:30:23 - More coffee? - Oh, I'm good.
610 00:30:25 No, I'm good, Lizzie. Thanks.
611 00:30:27 You know what I do need?
612 00:30:28 I need a couple buckets of that gravy
613 00:30:31 so I can take a bath in it.
614 00:30:35 So good.
615 00:30:36 Delicious.
616 00:30:39 My compliments to the chef.
617 00:30:42 I'll let Ziggy know.
618 00:30:43 Great.
619 00:30:44 That ought to cheer him up.
620 00:30:46 Just the check, Lizzie.
621 00:30:48 Will do, Jack.
622 00:30:50 What's the deal with the happy chef?
623 00:30:53 Ziggy's all right.
624 00:30:55 He owns the place.
625 00:30:56 Eh, he may be a bit peeved about the election thing.
626 00:31:00 He's Mayor Braun's brother.
627 00:31:02 Why isn't this place called Braun's?
628 00:31:05 The Hansens owned this place since probably... Korea.
629 00:31:10 Bobby Hansen started it, his kids ran it for years,
630 00:31:14 and had to sell once the base closed,
631 00:31:16 but no matter who owns it, it'll always be Hansen's.
632 00:31:20 Base closing really hammered this place.
633 00:31:23 Yeah, it did.
634 00:31:25 More than half of our storefronts have shut down.
635 00:31:28 In fact, we're losing our high school
636 00:31:29 if we can't come up with the funding.
637 00:31:33 But no matter what folks might wish for here,
638 00:31:36 it ain't coming back.
639 00:31:39 "Vote for Jack Hastings,
640 00:31:40 "'cause no matter what you wish for,
641 00:31:41 it ain't never coming back."
642 00:31:44 I like it. It's good.
643 00:31:46 - I'm not gonna lie to people. - No, I know. I know.
644 00:31:48 I was just being witty and cynical.
645 00:31:51 Can't win a battle if you're not honest
646 00:31:53 about what you're really up against.
647 00:31:56 No, you cannot.
648 00:31:59 Not enough for a bath,
649 00:32:01 but you can get a good foot soak in.
650 00:32:05 Thank you.
651 00:32:06 A straw.
652 00:32:11 All right, let's bring it in.
653 00:32:12 Everybody in.
654 00:32:15 - Phone bank! - Phone bank.
655 00:32:17 Well, you'll get it next time.
656 00:32:18 Okay, I want you to be upbeat.
657 00:32:20 I want you to be positive.
658 00:32:21 Active participation is what we're looking for.
659 00:32:24 Would they volunteer? Would they donate?
660 00:32:26 Can we drop off a lawn sign?
661 00:32:28 Would they donate?
662 00:32:29 Would they donate?
663 00:32:32 Yes, write that down. That's good.
664 00:32:34 Got some sample scripts for you there.
665 00:32:36 Contact list there.
666 00:32:37 To the ramparts!
667 00:32:41 That means go. You can begin.
668 00:32:43 Now...
669 00:32:44 you guys are my "A" Team.
670 00:32:46 So, first, we're going to take these lawn signs,
671 00:32:48 and we're going to put them in all available public spaces.
672 00:32:52 I want them visible but not obnoxiously so.
673 00:32:54 Isn't it a little early for lawn signs?
674 00:32:59 I'm sorry. She just, um...
675 00:33:01 'Cause just around here,
676 00:33:02 sometimes people aren't so keen...
677 00:33:05 But then, I do appreciate
678 00:33:06 that you got the signs made.
679 00:33:08 I mean, we've always used lawn signs.
680 00:33:10 - Yeah. - They've worked for hundreds of years, so...
681 00:33:12 - Great. - Yeah, let's just use 'em.
682 00:33:14 Great. All right, Ann?
683 00:33:16 - Okay. - I want you to take the downtown area.
684 00:33:17 Martha, Dave, how about everything west of 39?
685 00:33:21 And, Diana, I'd like you to stay here...
686 00:33:23 - Hello? - Yeah?
687 00:33:24 - to do... - Good morning.
688 00:33:25 Hi. This is Matthew, and I'm a volunteer
689 00:33:27 - calling with Jack... - Matthew?
690 00:33:29 - Matt... Matthew... - Hello?
691 00:33:30 Hello?
692 00:33:31 What are you doing?
693 00:33:33 - Zimmer. - Good morning, Mr. Zimmer.
694 00:33:35 My name is Michael, calling on behalf of Colonel Hastings.
695 00:33:37 Guys, guys, guys, guys.
696 00:33:40 All right, this is what's happening here.
697 00:33:41 You're calling off the office contact list.
698 00:33:44 This is the voter contact list.
699 00:33:46 So, yeah, I know.
700 00:33:48 I want you to call the voter contact list.
701 00:33:50 We're already voting for the Colonel.
702 00:33:52 Okay? Good.
703 00:33:53 Let's go do the signs, too.
704 00:33:55 Oh, my God.
705 00:33:57 Keep doing that, guys.
706 00:34:06 Gar! Hey, D.C. Gary!
707 00:34:09 - Hi. - Hey, Gar, come on over.
708 00:34:12 Okay. All right.
709 00:34:14 Nothing, nothing, nothing.
710 00:34:16 That's a six. That is a five.
711 00:34:18 And a four. Look at that.
712 00:34:19 - And a seven. - Oh, my... Oh!
713 00:34:20 I'm keeping it, baby!
714 00:34:23 Hey, everybody.
715 00:34:24 This is D.C. Gary.
716 00:34:26 He's staying above the Hofbrau.
717 00:34:29 - Good to see you. - Welcome to The Ambassador's Lounge.
718 00:34:30 Thank you very much.
719 00:34:31 Hear you're in town helping the Colonel.
720 00:34:33 - Yes, I am. - He's a good man.
721 00:34:34 He is. He is a good man.
722 00:34:36 So, is this your campaign office here?
723 00:34:39 This?
724 00:34:41 No, this is The Ambassador's Lounge,
725 00:34:43 an elite, uh, social club of the area's top entrepreneurs,
726 00:34:47 athletes and raconteurs.
727 00:34:49 It's a shithole.
728 00:34:51 Hey, guys.
729 00:34:52 Jack's already got lawn signs printed up.
730 00:34:58 Well, I got to head out.
731 00:35:01 Got a lot of work to catch up on.
732 00:35:03 Pleasure meeting everybody.
733 00:35:04 Hey, Father, you want to go with him?
734 00:35:06 He might need a miracle or two.
735 00:35:07 This town hasn't had a Democrat mayor
736 00:35:09 since La Follette ruled these parts, and...
737 00:35:12 hasn't had a Democratic Party since the '70s.
738 00:35:15 Gonna take a little bit more than lawn signs.
739 00:35:18 Okay.
740 00:35:28 Colonel Jack Hastings.
741 00:35:30 Tempered by war.
742 00:35:32 Chain's only as strong as its weakest link.
743 00:35:35 Driven by faith.
744 00:35:37 I am my brother's keeper.
745 00:35:39 A new kind of Democrat.
746 00:35:41 A Democrat for the heartland.
747 00:35:44 Jack Hastings, a redder kind of blue.
748 00:35:48 Paid for by Real Americans for...
749 00:35:50 What are you up to, Zimmer?
750 00:35:53 I am telling you guys, Jack could be the real deal,
751 00:35:56 on a national level.
752 00:35:57 On a national level?
753 00:35:58 It's like he's a cross between...
754 00:36:01 - MacArthur and elk jerky. - Wait, what?
755 00:36:04 And one of those machines that test grip strength.
756 00:36:07 Sounds too good to be true.
757 00:36:09 Oh, my God.
758 00:36:10 Semicolon.
759 00:36:13 She took the bait.
760 00:36:15 It's on here, boys. Game on.
761 00:36:20 - And let him be the star, you know? - Yeah.
762 00:36:23 - Yep. - So...
763 00:36:24 ♪ A little bit of Hastings all the time ♪
764 00:36:27 ♪ We're gonna win election, yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
765 00:36:29 Oh, yeah. Oh, here I am.
766 00:36:32 Yes. Hello, party people.
767 00:36:35 It's a beautiful day to be alive
768 00:36:37 and on the vanguard of change.
769 00:36:38 Who wants something to eat?
770 00:36:40 They're so delicious.
771 00:36:45 Okay.
772 00:36:47 What's going on?
773 00:36:48 Why all the long faces?
774 00:36:50 Did you not see it?
775 00:36:52 The billboard.
776 00:36:54 The one on Main with the giant "Vote for Mayor Braun"?
777 00:36:57 - Yes. - What about it?
778 00:36:59 "What about it?"
779 00:37:00 That's the Macgregor Ford billboard.
780 00:37:02 Okay.
781 00:37:03 Okay, so it's been the Macgregor Ford billboard
782 00:37:05 for probably 40 years.
783 00:37:06 God only knows how much it cost.
784 00:37:08 And it looks like Braun has taken over Jerry's old office
785 00:37:10 as some sort of campaign headquarters.
786 00:37:12 Wait a second. Wait a second. Hold on. Hold on.
787 00:37:15 Um, are you telling me that the mayor,
788 00:37:17 who's running for reelection,
789 00:37:18 has decided to advertise his campaign for mayor?
790 00:37:23 And he's doing it from a... campaign office?
791 00:37:26 Oh, my God! Oh, I... This is...
792 00:37:29 This is overwhelming to me.
793 00:37:31 Oh, my God.
794 00:37:32 I don't... I...
795 00:37:33 What...
796 00:37:34 I have the vapors. I...
797 00:37:36 I'm hyperventilating.
798 00:37:37 Why are these spoons just standing there?
799 00:37:39 You don't get it.
800 00:37:42 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
801 00:37:44 You don't get it.
802 00:37:46 Do you have any idea how much that costs?
803 00:37:48 Well, that space is 3,800 square feet,
804 00:37:50 and it runs for $20 a square foot yearly.
805 00:37:52 Prorated to two months is $7,600.
806 00:37:55 The billboard, a little bit harder to decipher.
807 00:37:59 But I'd say, based on the location
808 00:38:01 and Mayor Braun's desperation, 8K all-in.
809 00:38:04 Design and printing included.
810 00:38:06 I don't know, maybe something like that.
811 00:38:08 Well, there's no way that Braun's got that much money.
812 00:38:11 Unless... this little campaign of ours
813 00:38:14 has caught the attention of the national Republican Party
814 00:38:17 and they are sending money and reinforcements.
815 00:38:21 It's okay.
816 00:38:22 It's exactly what we wanted to happen.
817 00:38:26 They are scared.
818 00:38:27 On a national level,
819 00:38:30 they are scared of Colonel Jack.
820 00:38:35 So we have to plan our next move.
821 00:38:38 Come here.
822 00:38:40 Gather round.
823 00:38:41 We're going to need...
824 00:38:43 something a little like...
825 00:38:46 that.
826 00:38:53 And you scroll down.
827 00:38:55 There's a "Donate" Button.
828 00:38:57 Well, the money be just one clicky away.
829 00:39:00 And one clicky goes to where?
830 00:39:03 Our website.
831 00:39:05 We don't have a web...
832 00:39:10 - Awesome. - Good slogan, right?
833 00:39:15 You were one step ahead the whole time.
834 00:39:16 Well, three or four, but thank you very much.
835 00:39:19 I will take that.
836 00:39:54 Know how I knew you were here?
837 00:39:56 Your pussy tingled.
838 00:39:59 Semicolon on the billboard.
839 00:40:02 Classic Faith Brewster over-punctuation.
840 00:40:05 Look, Zim, y'all punched your ticket on a changing demographic,
841 00:40:09 and now whitey don't want you back.
842 00:40:11 Okay, Jeb, exclamation point.
843 00:40:15 Why are you here?
844 00:40:17 Because I enjoy demoralizing you.
845 00:40:19 Because crushing the last piece of hope in your eyes
846 00:40:22 really gets me off.
847 00:40:25 You are a twisted fuck, Faith.
848 00:40:28 And you don't know Jack.
849 00:40:31 Please don't tell me that is the campaign slogan
850 00:40:33 you came up with.
851 00:40:38 This guy, Zim, he's not the last Jedi,
852 00:40:40 and even if he were, I'd still crush him
853 00:40:42 because that's what I do.
854 00:40:43 You realize, in that analogy, you're Darth Vader.
855 00:40:45 Whatever you say, nerd.
856 00:40:47 - It's good to see you. - Yeah.
857 00:40:49 You look fat.
858 00:40:55 Divine, Ann.
859 00:40:57 You have to tell me your secret sometime.
860 00:41:03 I would never tell you.
861 00:41:05 I'll never tell her.
862 00:41:08 Cream, two sugars.
863 00:41:09 - No, that's not how I take it. - I know, but...
864 00:41:12 and here-here's some streusel I made for you,
865 00:41:14 - and, um, it's still warm. - No, no, no, no, Ann, I can't.
866 00:41:15 - And then these are cookies I made for you. - I can't.
867 00:41:17 - I'm getting fat. I can't do that. - They're...
868 00:41:18 - They're called the Garys, though. - Thank you.
869 00:41:19 - I made these... - I know. I appreciate it.
870 00:41:20 - Thank you. Okay. - Yeah. Okay.
871 00:41:21 - Okay, bye-bye. - All right, then.
872 00:41:22 Thank you. All right, then.
873 00:41:23 - Bye-bye. Have a good day. - Okay.
874 00:41:24 Up all night for nothing.
875 00:41:26 - Coming back. There you go. - All right, just today.
876 00:41:28 - Okay. - Yeah. Thank you.
877 00:41:30 Bye-bye, now. Bye-bye.
878 00:41:31 Bye, Gar.
879 00:41:34 Have a good one.
880 00:41:38 37%
881 00:41:53 Okay, good night.
882 00:41:55 Good night. I didn't know anybody else was here.
883 00:41:57 I just wanted to make sure
884 00:41:58 everything was set for tomorrow.
885 00:42:00 I was just finishing up these pamphlets on immigration.
886 00:42:04 That sounds complicated.
887 00:42:05 I hope the small minds can manage.
888 00:42:09 I'm sorry about that.
889 00:42:10 Sometimes, messaging for the base
890 00:42:13 doesn't resonate with the broader electorate.
891 00:42:18 Okay.
892 00:42:20 So, to flatter them, you have to condescend to us.
893 00:42:26 I get it.
894 00:42:28 No, no, that wasn't...
895 00:42:31 that wasn't what...
896 00:42:38 Sorry.
897 00:42:42 How's your dad doing?
898 00:42:43 Is he okay? Nervous?
899 00:42:45 No.
900 00:42:47 No? Well, why would he be? He's been through a war.
901 00:42:50 He's not gonna sweat a fish fry.
902 00:42:51 No, he doesn't really get nervous.
903 00:42:53 Just quiet.
904 00:42:57 Right.
905 00:43:03 Runs in the family.
906 00:43:09 Maybe.
907 00:43:14 Yes, my, uh...
908 00:43:15 my mom was really more of the talker.
909 00:43:19 She was...
910 00:43:23 You ever know anyone that just lit up a room?
911 00:43:30 Well, she was that.
912 00:43:32 Yeah.
913 00:43:33 - She sounds great. - Yeah.
914 00:43:36 So, why did your dad get involved with all this?
915 00:43:39 I mean, why speak at that meeting?
916 00:43:42 Why run when it involves talking and people?
917 00:43:49 I think he just loves this town.
918 00:43:52 You know, I think he'd do anything to save it.
919 00:43:56 What about you?
920 00:44:02 I guess I would do
921 00:44:04 just about anything to save him.
922 00:44:19 Okay. You have a good day, now.
923 00:44:21 I'll just take one.
924 00:44:25 Hey. How are you this evening?
925 00:44:27 Pamphlet? Vote for Colonel Jack.
926 00:44:29 Colonel Jack pamphlet.
927 00:44:31 Vote for Colonel Jack.
928 00:44:35 How are y'all doing?
929 00:44:37 Incredible database.
930 00:44:38 Yeah. And all your information is in there.
931 00:44:49 Hey, Gary. Sorry I'm late.
932 00:44:51 I was just waiting for these to get finished.
933 00:44:54 Beer Koozies might be a little more helpful
934 00:44:55 than just the pamphlets.
935 00:44:58 And this is actually very simple.
936 00:45:00 You just type in your family's name...
937 00:45:03 How big is that booth?
938 00:45:08 - Faith. - Gary.
939 00:45:10 You seem to be doing a brisk business.
940 00:45:12 "Deerlaken: always."
941 00:45:14 So, apparently,
942 00:45:15 "Deerlaken über alles" was copyrighted?
943 00:45:18 Well, we were gonna go with "I'm with him"
944 00:45:19 until we remembered how fucking stupid it sounded.
945 00:45:21 No, no, no, no. I love it.
946 00:45:23 I love the whole town genealogy angle.
947 00:45:25 It's got a real bold
948 00:45:27 "you ain't from around here" flavor.
949 00:45:29 With subtle notes of,
950 00:45:31 xenophobia.
951 00:45:33 Not to mention the cognitive dissonance
952 00:45:35 that your booth is basically a love letter to immigration.
953 00:45:37 That's a great observation.
954 00:45:38 So all these people are hypocrites?
955 00:45:40 - I'd run with that. - All you have is fear.
956 00:45:42 Now we're getting somewhere.
957 00:45:43 20 bucks says I do better with fear
958 00:45:45 than you do with shame.
959 00:45:47 Okay. It's all set, Miss Brewster.
960 00:45:50 Thank you, sweetie.
961 00:45:51 Well, well, well.
962 00:45:54 I'm really sorry, Mr. Z.
963 00:45:55 I like working with you guys, but...
964 00:45:57 I'm saving up for a car, and she's paying us.
965 00:45:59 "Eh, she's paying us."
966 00:46:01 Wow, way to stand up for what you believe in there...
967 00:46:07 It's Michael.
968 00:46:08 - Michael. I know his name is Michael. - His name is Michael.
969 00:46:09 - No, you don't. - I know it.
970 00:46:10 - I was pausing for effect, Michael. - It's okay, Michael.
971 00:46:13 Character is destiny, Michael.
972 00:46:15 - Character is destiny. - Don't listen to him. He's a jerk.
973 00:46:18 Good burn.
974 00:46:19 Jack has lived here for 30 years.
975 00:46:21 You really think you can run a campaign
976 00:46:23 that paints him as a carpetbagger?
977 00:46:25 Probably not, but I think I can run one that says you are.
978 00:46:27 - Beer Koozie? - Oh, my God.
979 00:46:32 Hastings Koozie?
980 00:46:33 - Yeah. - Touché.
981 00:46:35 That's right. That's in our booth.
982 00:46:37 - What do you think of that? - Yeah, I'll take one.
983 00:46:38 What do you think of that right there?
984 00:46:41 What do you think of that?
985 00:46:43 I don't...
986 00:46:45 Sorry. Not you, Dot.
987 00:46:48 Oh, Dot.
988 00:47:41 We're not doing this.
989 00:47:42 What?
990 00:47:45 You go through my stuff?
991 00:47:49 Why here? You have your own room.
992 00:47:51 I don't want to smoke alone.
993 00:47:54 Oh, come on. Are...
994 00:47:55 Really?
995 00:47:58 Gary, I'm bored.
996 00:48:01 Please, can we just forget it?
997 00:48:03 You've made your point.
998 00:48:04 There's Democrats with calloused hands.
999 00:48:06 Gonna bode very well for the midterms, I promise.
1000 00:48:08 Now, can we just all go back to Washington
1001 00:48:10 and forget that we ever made camp in a place
1002 00:48:12 where the shit you skim off milk is considered a food?
1003 00:48:15 They are called cheese curds, and they are delicious.
1004 00:48:17 They're disgusting.
1005 00:48:18 And you can't make poutine without them.
1006 00:48:20 - Come on. Please. - Go.
1007 00:48:22 You can go. You don't have to be here.
1008 00:48:24 I made these people a promise.
1009 00:48:26 I'm a good person.
1010 00:48:27 It's your last chance, Zim.
1011 00:48:29 I'm gonna make a big deal of this.
1012 00:48:30 Tons of press, lots of money. You're gonna lose,
1013 00:48:33 and then you're gonna look like a giant asshole.
1014 00:48:35 Good. That's what I want.
1015 00:48:37 Not the asshole but for you to make a big deal of this.
1016 00:48:40 I want it to be a big deal. It is a big deal.
1017 00:48:43 Well, let's make it interesting.
1018 00:48:44 Okay, why don't we?
1019 00:48:46 The loser has to eat the winner's pussy out for an hour.
1020 00:48:49 You better grab a big old bib, 'cause it's chow time.
1021 00:48:54 Dick chow time.
1022 00:48:56 'Cause I'm gonna win,
1023 00:48:57 and you're gonna have to eat my dick for an hour.
1024 00:49:01 And you know something?
1025 00:49:02 That's a long time, dick-eating-wise.
1026 00:49:06 A long time!
1027 00:49:09 To eat my dick.
1028 00:49:15 In a dangerous world gone mad...
1029 00:49:18 we need emotionally stable leadership.
1030 00:49:23 Only Mayor Braun is stable enough
1031 00:49:25 to keep Deerlaken safe,
1032 00:49:27 to keep Deerlaken Deerlaken.
1033 00:49:32 I got you.
1034 00:49:33 I'm Mayor Braun, and I approve this message.
1035 00:49:37 Here.
1036 00:49:39 Paid for by Traditional Wisconsin Families
1037 00:49:40 for Faith and Freedom.
1038 00:49:44 They've taken the office just across from mine.
1039 00:49:47 They're definitely ramping up,
1040 00:49:48 so I'm gonna need the full crew.
1041 00:49:50 If Zimmer wants to take a stand in Turdsville, USA,
1042 00:49:53 I say we bury him here.
1043 00:49:55 Sorry.
1044 00:49:56 Not a turd.
1045 00:49:57 Heart and soul of America.
1046 00:50:00 Get me the nerdy guy from analytics.
1047 00:50:01 - Who's that? - I don't know his name.
1048 00:50:04 He wears glasses and plaid.
1049 00:50:05 - Has a very complicated beard. - Which one?
1050 00:50:08 How the fuck does that not narrow it down? I...
1051 00:50:11 - God fucking damn it. - What?
1052 00:50:13 And send me everyone by yesterday.
1053 00:50:16 I'll get on it.
1054 00:50:29 Sor... Hey, Dot.
1055 00:50:34 - Gary. - Hey, big guy?
1056 00:50:36 - Yes. - We got a problem.
1057 00:50:40 What's up?
1058 00:50:41 Having trouble rounding up focus groups?
1059 00:50:43 No.
1060 00:50:49 I don't even know what to say.
1061 00:50:51 Hey, hey, everybody.
1062 00:50:53 Do we know why we have dial-up in this space?
1063 00:50:56 Duffy had it upgraded right before he closed the shop.
1064 00:50:59 Upgraded from what?
1065 00:51:01 - Nothing. - Well, is there any way
1066 00:51:03 we can piggyback Wi-Fi from someplace?
1067 00:51:05 There's a place where the kids go and they do homework
1068 00:51:08 and they play games and whatnot.
1069 00:51:09 - I know the password. - Okay.
1070 00:51:12 - Solving problems. - Nice!
1071 00:51:25 Listen, I... I don't think you're allowed to be here
1072 00:51:29 unless you're on official school business, so...
1073 00:51:33 Okay, look, uh, Officer...
1074 00:51:35 - Tommy. - Officer Tommy.
1075 00:51:38 We are with the Hastings campaign,
1076 00:51:40 and we're trying to get some work done here.
1077 00:51:42 It's sort of time-sensitive.
1078 00:51:43 So... um, okay, here we go.
1079 00:51:47 Here is a pen.
1080 00:51:49 - Okay. - And...
1081 00:51:51 - one of these beer thingies. - Koozie.
1082 00:51:53 Koozie, and, uh...
1083 00:51:56 thank you for your service.
1084 00:52:12 For God sakes.
1085 00:52:16 Hello, boys.
1086 00:52:18 Gentlemen, these are children!
1087 00:52:21 Children!
1088 00:52:22 - Great job, guys. - And do you know what that looked like?
1089 00:52:25 Sitting in your car?
1090 00:52:26 A bunch of boys on the computer?
1091 00:52:35 No, no, no. Thank you.
1092 00:52:38 So, I see they sprung you from detention, huh?
1093 00:52:40 Yeah, apparently, small-town hospitality
1094 00:52:42 doesn't apply to Wi-Fi.
1095 00:52:44 They're not too keen on strangers staking out
1096 00:52:45 a school parking lot... you know, kids and all.
1097 00:52:47 Yeah, in hindsight, that makes complete sense.
1098 00:52:51 Guys, could I talk to you for a sec?
1099 00:52:53 My office.
1100 00:52:53 Come on in. Have a seat.
1101 00:52:56 You can leave the door open.
1102 00:52:57 Here's the deal.
1103 00:52:59 Our opponents are pumping way more into this
1104 00:53:02 than I ever expected them to.
1105 00:53:04 This rinky-dink stuff is not gonna fly.
1106 00:53:07 We need to up our fundraising game.
1107 00:53:09 Okay. That's...
1108 00:53:11 Sure. Do you want to do, uh, like, a street fair or...?
1109 00:53:14 That's a good idea.
1110 00:53:15 No, it's not a good idea.
1111 00:53:17 Don't... No, we're not gonna do that.
1112 00:53:19 Have you ever been to New York?
1113 00:53:25 Oh, my God, please unplug it.
1114 00:53:27 Please unplug it.
1115 00:53:30 Unplug it!
1116 00:53:34 I'm just looking at the guest list here.
1117 00:53:36 Great. Great turnout.
1118 00:53:39 Especially considering the short notice.
1119 00:53:41 Really good.
1120 00:53:45 You ever have one of those?
1121 00:53:49 Yeah, green beans.
1122 00:53:51 Haricot vert.
1123 00:53:54 Isn't that French for "green beans"?
1124 00:53:57 These are more delicate.
1125 00:54:00 Thinner, more flavorful.
1126 00:54:04 I didn't know you spoke French.
1127 00:54:10 Would you like something?
1128 00:54:12 No, no.
1129 00:54:17 This too loud?
1130 00:54:50 Richard and Ginnie Peeler are hosting.
1131 00:54:52 He's a hedge fund swell.
1132 00:54:53 She's been saving the Hudson for about 25 years.
1133 00:54:56 Richard Peeler. Yeah?
1134 00:54:57 Got it.
1135 00:55:02 Are you, like, 12?
1136 00:55:06 It's not only that the sand traps are deeper,
1137 00:55:08 but the quality of the sand at...
1138 00:55:11 Excuse me. Gary! Hey.
1139 00:55:15 Gary, thank you for coming.
1140 00:55:18 My pleasure. Thanks for having us.
1141 00:55:19 Well, we're really, really excited.
1142 00:55:21 We're excited. Jack! Jack!
1143 00:55:24 I'd like you to meet Richard Peeler.
1144 00:55:25 - What an honor. - Colonel Jack Hastings.
1145 00:55:26 Very nice to meet you.
1146 00:55:27 - Thank you for... having us. - Oh, it's really an honor.
1147 00:55:31 No, it's, uh, you know, the authentic thing here.
1148 00:55:34 I see that. It's amazing.
1149 00:55:36 Can I get you something to drink?
1150 00:55:38 Sure. What would you like?
1151 00:55:40 I'd like a little, uh, tea.
1152 00:55:42 Chamomile if you have it.
1153 00:55:45 All right.
1154 00:55:46 That's fine. You want a Scotch.
1155 00:55:47 - Yes, please. - Yes, I know that.
1156 00:55:57 He's a criminal.
1157 00:55:59 Thank you.
1158 00:56:00 He's a criminal.
1159 00:56:00 Trust me, I've done deals with him.
1160 00:56:02 Our democracy is falling apart.
1161 00:56:04 We're gonna lose it.
1162 00:56:05 Tom Friedman had a great line.
1163 00:56:07 I like to say he's the Bitcoin of presidents.
1164 00:56:09 Her whole dress line was made in China.
1165 00:56:11 The man is mentally ill.
1166 00:56:13 Fuckface von Clownstick.
1167 00:56:14 I'm mad? We should all be mad.
1168 00:56:16 I mean, what kind of person hunts elephants?
1169 00:56:18 And there's not a whole lot of the, um...
1170 00:56:21 What did you call that?
1171 00:56:22 - Farm-to-table. - The farm-to-table.
1172 00:56:24 I mean, I guess it all kind of, uh...
1173 00:56:29 all goes from farms to tables of some kind.
1174 00:56:37 We're so excited that you're all here.
1175 00:56:39 And we are so thankful
1176 00:56:41 to our old friend for presenting us
1177 00:56:43 with another informative and, uh, just stimulating evening.
1178 00:56:49 You know him. You love him.
1179 00:56:51 And sometimes hate.
1180 00:56:53 - Hate writing the checks, but, uh, you know. - Yeah.
1181 00:56:57 - Gary. - Thank you. Thanks so much.
1182 00:57:00 Thanks for coming.
1183 00:57:01 And thank you...
1184 00:57:02 Keep that going for the Peelers, please.
1185 00:57:05 Their tremendous hospitality.
1186 00:57:08 Listen, I'm not gonna take up too much of your time
1187 00:57:09 other than to say thank you all for being here.
1188 00:57:12 One thing I do want to say, though, is that
1189 00:57:16 Colonel Jack Hastings is the embodiment
1190 00:57:19 of America's real greatness.
1191 00:57:22 Service to nation, hard work, faith.
1192 00:57:26 Republicans don't own those values, do they?
1193 00:57:29 They don't own 'em.
1194 00:57:30 They can't.
1195 00:57:32 Inclusion.
1196 00:57:34 That's the most important of all.
1197 00:57:36 But sometimes, we get comfortable
1198 00:57:38 in our own little ideological bubbles.
1199 00:57:39 I see them.
1200 00:57:41 You can't see them, necessarily, but I see 'em.
1201 00:57:43 There's a little bubble there.
1202 00:57:44 There's a little bubble there.
1203 00:57:46 And we forget to reach out.
1204 00:57:48 To find empathy and understanding
1205 00:57:51 across religious or racial
1206 00:57:55 or just plain geographical boundaries.
1207 00:57:58 And I hope tonight changes that, even just a little bit.
1208 00:58:01 So, without further ado,
1209 00:58:04 I would like you to join me in welcoming
1210 00:58:06 the next mayor of Deerlaken, Wisconsin,
1211 00:58:10 Colonel Jack Hastings.
1212 00:58:13 Hear, hear.
1213 00:58:21 Thanks, folks.
1214 00:58:22 And thanks to Gary
1215 00:58:25 - and to the Peelers. - Thank you.
1216 00:58:28 Wow, this is a great house.
1217 00:58:31 It's a great house.
1218 00:58:37 I see some of you are...
1219 00:58:39 wondering what I'm doing here.
1220 00:58:43 And...
1221 00:58:45 I think I'm wondering the same.
1222 00:58:51 I guess that's the point.
1223 00:58:54 Without all this, you might never have met me.
1224 00:58:58 And I certainly wouldn't have met you.
1225 00:59:03 But...
1226 00:59:06 now we have.
1227 00:59:11 So, uh...
1228 00:59:18 Colonel, Colonel.
1229 00:59:20 - Yeah. - Gary Zimmer from "The D.C. Bugle."
1230 00:59:23 Why...
1231 00:59:24 Why should a bunch of uptight Upper West Siders care about
1232 00:59:28 a little town in Wisconsin?
1233 00:59:33 It's hard to say.
1234 00:59:35 I guess we're hurting,
1235 00:59:38 looking for help from you.
1236 00:59:43 What can we do to help?
1237 00:59:45 I'll take that. Money.
1238 00:59:47 Money.
1239 00:59:49 It's a serious question, actually.
1240 00:59:52 You know, our politics seem broken.
1241 00:59:55 Colonel, what do you see is the system's greatest weakness?
1242 01:00:02 Well, I guess, for one thing,
1243 01:00:06 this.
1244 01:00:09 Here, tonight.
1245 01:00:12 And I mean no disrespect.
1246 01:00:16 I just think this seems a bit crazy.
1247 01:00:20 I want to help my town.
1248 01:00:22 I want to be mayor,
1249 01:00:23 some town in the middle of Wisconsin.
1250 01:00:27 So, instead of being home
1251 01:00:29 working on some smart things to help my town,
1252 01:00:32 I have to fly here to your town
1253 01:00:35 and convince you that my town's worth saving.
1254 01:00:38 And that I'm worth it.
1255 01:00:40 And that saving it is worth it to you.
1256 01:00:44 All so you can give me some money.
1257 01:00:46 Not for my town, but for me.
1258 01:00:50 To help convince my town that I'm worth it.
1259 01:00:56 I mean...
1260 01:01:00 I don't know, it just sounds so stupid.
1261 01:01:19 Still crying?
1262 01:01:22 A little bit.
1263 01:01:27 You gonna do that all the way home?
1264 01:01:32 Yes.
1265 01:01:37 Why?
1266 01:01:40 Because the seat belt sign is on
1267 01:01:42 and I can't get up to hug you.
1268 01:01:45 Damn, Jack.
1269 01:01:48 You walked in there,
1270 01:01:51 into the lion's den like that...
1271 01:01:54 Daniel.
1272 01:01:55 Yeah, and just...
1273 01:01:57 you told 'em, straight up, this isn't right.
1274 01:02:00 This is wrong. The system is corrupt.
1275 01:02:02 I'm out of order? You're out of order.
1276 01:02:04 The whole damn system's out of order!
1277 01:02:06 Attica! Att...
1278 01:02:11 Money.
1279 01:02:12 Oh, God, their money is the problem?
1280 01:02:19 You should've seen their faces.
1281 01:02:21 I saw.
1282 01:02:22 They ate it up.
1283 01:02:26 We could've named our price.
1284 01:02:31 Oh, no way Faith matches.
1285 01:02:33 And why is that, now?
1286 01:02:35 Because they're spending to stop something,
1287 01:02:38 and we're spending to start something.
1288 01:02:44 I'm mad as hell,
1289 01:02:45 and I can't take it anymore!
1290 01:02:50 Gary, you... green bean?
1291 01:02:52 No.
1292 01:02:53 Okay. No, thank you.
1293 01:03:00 I'm telling you, he is the real deal.
1294 01:03:02 It is like a Bill Clinton with impulse control.
1295 01:03:05 Like a churchgoing Bernie Sanders
1296 01:03:08 with better bone density.
1297 01:03:09 - He... Oh, here they are. - Hello. Good morning.
1298 01:03:10 Here they are.
1299 01:03:12 Ladies and gentlemen, the next mayor of Deerlaken
1300 01:03:14 and his talented first daughter.
1301 01:03:15 - Please join me. - You are fired up, huh?
1302 01:03:18 I am fired... Why wouldn't I be fired up?
1303 01:03:20 I am working with the future of the Democratic Party here.
1304 01:03:25 Oh, your dad the other night was transcendent.
1305 01:03:28 He crushed it.
1306 01:03:29 And because of that, I'd like to show you
1307 01:03:31 the fruits of your labor.
1308 01:03:34 Because he was so good, I was able to hire...
1309 01:03:38 the "A" team.
1310 01:03:40 I'm just kidding.
1311 01:03:41 They're not the "A" team.
1312 01:03:43 Not that you aren't great.
1313 01:03:44 But this...
1314 01:03:47 is the real "A" team.
1315 01:03:48 I get it, but what are the numbers?
1316 01:03:55 You know Kurt Lehman, polling and modeling.
1317 01:03:57 Oh, my God.
1318 01:03:58 - Yes. Hi. - Hi.
1319 01:03:59 He gives us a window into the electorate.
1320 01:03:59 - Hi. - Hey. How are you?
1321 01:04:01 Best in the business.
1322 01:04:02 When everyone was predicting Hillary in a landslide over Trump,
1323 01:04:05 Kurt was the one guy who had her just barely beating him.
1324 01:04:09 My models just picked up the trend lines, so...
1325 01:04:12 If the election had taken place a month or two later...
1326 01:04:14 My numbers would've been 100% on the money.
1327 01:04:20 Impressive.
1328 01:04:21 Well...
1329 01:04:21 Well, he was the least wrong.
1330 01:04:24 Tina Kuryev, analytics.
1331 01:04:25 She gives us a window into the voters.
1332 01:04:27 Good to meet you, sir.
1333 01:04:29 I thought, uh, polling did that.
1334 01:04:31 - It does. - Well, he tells you how he thinks they feel.
1335 01:04:34 I tell you how they really feel.
1336 01:04:38 - People are liars. - Here we go.
1337 01:04:40 He can tell you how often people say they go to church.
1338 01:04:44 She can tell you if they actually go.
1339 01:04:45 I can tell you if God is in their hearts.
1340 01:04:47 - Oh, my God. - Tina's in online analytics.
1341 01:04:50 Hey, can I just say...
1342 01:04:50 we take deception into account, too, okay?
1343 01:04:53 Yeah, polling is an art form, but,
1344 01:04:55 you know, there's plenty of science to back it up.
1345 01:04:57 Says the guy still calling landlines.
1346 01:05:00 People tell computers the truth, right?
1347 01:05:02 Their desires, their prejudices.
1348 01:05:04 Every search, every transaction...
1349 01:05:06 it's an unguarded private moment.
1350 01:05:08 So there's no, uh, margin of error, you know?
1351 01:05:11 The digital footprint is your true self.
1352 01:05:14 But, surely, people are more complicated
1353 01:05:16 than their online transactions.
1354 01:05:19 Well, says the woman with three cats
1355 01:05:21 and an intense search history of the herpes virus.
1356 01:05:30 One of the cats...
1357 01:05:32 Is this legal?
1358 01:05:33 Law enforcement or in the eyes of God?
1359 01:05:39 With two weeks to go until election day,
1360 01:05:41 we have an update on the Deerlaken mayoral race.
1361 01:05:44 The race between Colonel Jack Hastings
1362 01:05:45 47%
1363 01:05:46 and incumbent Mayor Billy Braun is tightening.
1364 01:05:48 Who here has been chosen as 527s?
1365 01:05:51 Raise your hands, please.
1366 01:05:52 One, two, three, four. Good.
1367 01:05:55 You all run super PACs now.
1368 01:05:57 You are no longer associated with this campaign.
1369 01:06:01 And as such, it is time to move
1370 01:06:04 to your super PAC location,
1371 01:06:06 which is all the way at the back of the room,
1372 01:06:09 far, far away from the activity of the campaign.
1373 01:06:15 Right now?
1374 01:06:17 I am not at liberty to say.
1375 01:06:19 The campaign cannot coordinate
1376 01:06:21 with the super PAC.
1377 01:06:22 So...
1378 01:06:24 After the meeting.
1379 01:06:34 Get me that fucking sat truck!
1380 01:06:36 Get it now! They're gonna out-communicate us!
1381 01:06:38 Here, we have an unusual cluster of single women.
1382 01:06:41 They're all gonna get pamphlets
1383 01:06:42 saying that the mayor is gonna repeal
1384 01:06:43 the health care payment for birth control.
1385 01:06:46 What's this?
1386 01:06:47 It's eight SMAWs.
1387 01:06:49 Stay-at-home middle-aged women.
1388 01:06:51 - 29 to 54. - 29?
1389 01:06:54 That's middle-aged?
1390 01:06:56 Yes. Yes, it is.
1391 01:06:58 You got to do it on the adjective.
1392 01:06:59 Safe streets. It's not safe streets.
1393 01:07:01 - Everybody wants safe streets! - Safe... No, no, no.
1394 01:07:03 Okay, that's coming off a little angry.
1395 01:07:05 Did you finish those donor calls?
1396 01:07:07 Yeah, just about.
1397 01:07:08 I just always had a notion that farmers had a...
1398 01:07:10 I'm sorry, are... are you clicking your heels?
1399 01:07:12 Are you Dorothy?
1400 01:07:13 Is there no place like home?
1401 01:07:20 America's greatness and God's grace...
1402 01:07:24 I'd go to battle for those two any day.
1403 01:07:28 Paid for by Wisconsinites
1404 01:07:29 for Religiously Based Compassionate Empathy.
1405 01:07:31 49%
1406 01:07:36 Did you just sigh?
1407 01:07:37 - Did he just sigh? - Oh, I can't...
1408 01:07:38 Don't even get me started with sighing.
1409 01:07:39 Now, here, this cluster in blue have children,
1410 01:07:42 so they're gonna get pamphlets
1411 01:07:44 saying "save our schools"
1412 01:07:45 because it's 1950 and everybody loves pamphlets.
1413 01:07:49 "Hi. My name is Jack. I'm exasperated."
1414 01:07:52 Why don't we move on to the WoMAMs?
1415 01:07:54 White middle-aged men.
1416 01:08:10 What's this?
1417 01:08:11 Walt.
1418 01:08:13 Is that an acronym?
1419 01:08:15 No, it is not.
1420 01:08:17 49.6%
1421 01:08:17 50.2%
1422 01:08:20 Can I still bring baked goods
1423 01:08:21 to the super PAC location?
1424 01:08:32 No.
1425 01:08:50 I'm Colonel Jack Hastings, and I approve this message.
1426 01:08:54 You want to come to Deerlaken,
1427 01:08:56 you'll have to go through him.
1428 01:09:00 Paid for by Powerful Progressives for Strength.
1429 01:09:06 Thank you so much, sir.
1430 01:09:07 - You're welcome. - Thank you so much for your support.
1431 01:09:09 - Thank you. - Thank you.
1432 01:09:13 How the hell did she get
1433 01:09:14 the bayou billionaires involved?
1434 01:09:17 You okay? Do you need some help?
1435 01:09:18 - Just fine. - You're good? Okay, thank you.
1436 01:09:19 She must have promised that
1437 01:09:20 they could have the town smelted after the election.
1438 01:09:28 I'm just very impressed with all this.
1439 01:09:30 - You... you do the polling. - Uh-huh. In fact...
1440 01:09:34 There it is.
1441 01:09:35 What is that?
1442 01:09:36 No, who is that? Elton Chambers.
1443 01:09:39 The Rocket Man?
1444 01:09:40 The billionaire Rocket Man, yes.
1445 01:09:42 Jesus Chr... I thought he was dead.
1446 01:09:44 - Well, he is dead. - No, no, no.
1447 01:09:45 A series of micro-strokes. It's all good.
1448 01:10:07 Sir Elton, thank you so, so much for coming.
1449 01:10:10 Everyone, this is the great Sir Elton.
1450 01:10:15 Let's get through the pleasantries.
1451 01:10:17 This is Jack Hastings and his daughter Diana.
1452 01:10:20 Hello to you.
1453 01:10:24 All right, well, let's get right to it, then.
1454 01:10:27 Tell me, what is your position
1455 01:10:32 concerning the settlement
1456 01:10:35 of Kevyat Sharim?
1457 01:10:44 I'm not sure I...
1458 01:10:45 Israel.
1459 01:10:47 Jack believes that sovereign nations
1460 01:10:49 are entitled to self-defense.
1461 01:10:51 Strongly?
1462 01:10:52 Strongly believes, yes.
1463 01:11:01 An election is a moral horror,
1464 01:11:02 as bad as a battle but without the blood.
1465 01:11:05 That's George Bernard Shaw.
1466 01:11:09 - Get the car. - I think that went well.
1467 01:11:12 Seemed like a really nice guy.
1468 01:11:13 Actually looked pretty good, right?
1469 01:11:15 - Yeah. - Surprisingly robust.
1470 01:11:17 Elton Chambers is in.
1471 01:11:20 All right.
1472 01:11:21 Making it rain.
1473 01:11:22 He actually has a machine that makes it rain.
1474 01:11:25 49.6%
1475 01:11:25 50.2%
1476 01:11:35 This margin of error is really shrinking.
1477 01:11:38 Excuse me. Gary...
1478 01:11:39 Mr. Zimmer.
1479 01:11:41 Becca, super PAC. Uh...
1480 01:11:43 Okay.
1481 01:11:46 Big guy?
1482 01:11:47 We got a problem.
1483 01:12:00 Hey, everybody.
1484 01:12:01 Hard at work, I see. That's good. That's good.
1485 01:12:04 I had a couple of questions.
1486 01:12:05 The first is: What the fuck?!
1487 01:12:08 What tactical genius in here
1488 01:12:10 thought it might be a good idea to carpet-bomb
1489 01:12:12 a particular neighborhood in this town
1490 01:12:15 with flyers suggesting that Colonel Jack Hastings
1491 01:12:19 - would make sure... - Fuck.
1492 01:12:20 that contraception is paid for by the government?
1493 01:12:28 Uh, I did.
1494 01:12:30 The data showed an unusually concentrated
1495 01:12:32 grouping of single women in the area
1496 01:12:33 who are deeply interested in reproductive rights.
1497 01:12:35 And you know why that is?
1498 01:12:37 Well, "why" is not really...
1499 01:12:38 Because this "concentrated grouping of single women," as you put it,
1500 01:12:41 is a convent.
1501 01:12:44 They are nuns.
1502 01:12:45 Which is how many of them are going to end up
1503 01:12:47 voting for us.
1504 01:12:48 "Nuns" of them. Zero.
1505 01:12:51 It's not funny.
1506 01:12:53 I'm not laughing.
1507 01:12:58 Fuck.
1508 01:13:00 Well, I think we can appreciate the humor
1509 01:13:02 in this very honest mistake.
1510 01:13:05 And the fact that the nuns
1511 01:13:06 are generously turning the other cheek
1512 01:13:09 - makes it a nonstory, - Brooke,
1513 01:13:10 - but... - Brooke, if I may.
1514 01:13:11 Uh, this is really just another perfect example
1515 01:13:13 of the D.C. elite coming into a place
1516 01:13:15 they don't understand
1517 01:13:16 and trying to dictate how we should live.
1518 01:13:17 The Democrat Party can't win. They're getting desperate.
1519 01:13:21 They don't know us, they don't want to know us,
1520 01:13:23 - and they look down on our values. - No, no.
1521 01:13:24 That's "we." You're D.C. elite.
1522 01:13:27 Oh, no, actually, I'm from here.
1523 01:13:28 Faith, I didn't know that.
1524 01:13:29 - You're from Wisconsin? - Mm-hmm. Yeah.
1525 01:13:31 Well, no, "Deer-lake-en." I'm from "Deer-lake-en."
1526 01:13:33 What?
1527 01:13:34 Wow. So this campaign has been a bit of a homecoming.
1528 01:13:37 - It really is, Brooke. Thank you. - No, no.
1529 01:13:39 No, no, that's a lie. That's a lie.
1530 01:13:41 - No, it's... - You're lying.
1531 01:13:42 - It's-it's the truth. - She's ly... That's...
1532 01:13:43 - I'm from here. - No, that... What are you even doing?
1533 01:13:45 Okay. Well, as always, a great and spirited discussion.
1534 01:13:45 - I-I am from here. - You're not from here!
1535 01:13:48 Thank you so much.
1536 01:13:49 - No, hey! No, no, no, no. She's lying. - Thank you both.
1537 01:13:50 - Unfortunately, we have to leave it there. - She's a li...
1538 01:13:52 Coming up, we'll look at more of this year's hot races
1539 01:13:55 and how those will affect races four years from now.
1540 01:13:57 Why do you even lie about something like that?
1541 01:14:00 Honestly, I, uh... I don't even know.
1542 01:14:03 "I... I don't even know."
1543 01:14:05 Wh-What do you mean, you don't know?
1544 01:14:07 You can't just lie about something like that.
1545 01:14:10 You just walk away?
1546 01:14:12 You just told America that you're from "Deer-lake-en"?
1547 01:14:15 That's not even how you pronounce it!
1548 01:14:18 "Deer-lake-en," my ass.
1549 01:14:21 Oh, my God.
1550 01:14:23 She's a fucking genius!
1551 01:14:28 Oh, my God, I hate her so much.
1552 01:14:30 I hate her. I hate her.
1553 01:14:32 She said it, and now it's the truth.
1554 01:14:35 Fuck me.
1555 01:14:39 Another round, guys?
1556 01:14:40 Okay.
1557 01:14:44 Goddamn it. You're killing me.
1558 01:14:46 That's good. Yeah.
1559 01:14:50 Come on. Let's get out of here.
1560 01:14:51 Hey, Mikes!
1561 01:14:52 How you doing, guys?
1562 01:14:58 Hello, everybody.
1563 01:14:58 - Hey, big guy. - Hey, Gary. Um...
1564 01:15:01 - Burger and a Bud. - Oh, thank you very much.
1565 01:15:03 You know, that looks great. Uh, can I have one of those?
1566 01:15:06 No.
1567 01:15:07 What you guys doing? Looking at some ads?
1568 01:15:09 Yeah, they're just taking me through it.
1569 01:15:11 Bio. Very nice.
1570 01:15:13 Education. That's important.
1571 01:15:15 Hey, are we sure that we want to be doing this here
1572 01:15:17 and not in Faith's room or the mayor's office?
1573 01:15:20 Because right now I'm not sure that our opposition knows
1574 01:15:22 exactly what we're about to do.
1575 01:15:24 And that seems unfair. No, no, no, no, no.
1576 01:15:26 Don't put 'em away on my account.
1577 01:15:27 Why don't we got one of those overhead projectors
1578 01:15:30 - that you have at a bowling alley? - Stop.
1579 01:15:31 - Kurt, you don't have to leave. - So everybody here can see it.
1580 01:15:33 Wouldn't that be good?
1581 01:15:35 Kurt, come on.
1582 01:15:39 Why do you talk to them like that?
1583 01:15:40 Like what?
1584 01:15:41 Like that. Like they're idiots.
1585 01:15:43 Well...
1586 01:15:46 Listen.
1587 01:15:49 I saw some polls.
1588 01:15:51 If we don't figure this out soon,
1589 01:15:53 there's no way we're gonna beat her.
1590 01:15:54 - Our demographics are so... - "Her"?
1591 01:15:57 - Who? - Her.
1592 01:16:00 I mean, you said, if we don't figure it out soon,
1593 01:16:02 we're not gonna be able to beat her.
1594 01:16:04 We're not gonna beat her candidate, Braun.
1595 01:16:06 Mayor Braun.
1596 01:16:07 Herr... Herr Braun.
1597 01:16:10 Herr, her. Same thing.
1598 01:16:14 Look, Gary, I don't, um, really understand
1599 01:16:16 how you guys do things in D.C.,
1600 01:16:17 but if you're gonna work for my father,
1601 01:16:18 you need to treat people with respect.
1602 01:16:20 - With. With. - What?
1603 01:16:22 Work with your father, not for.
1604 01:16:24 You said "for." It's a semantic thing, but...
1605 01:16:27 it's... you know, it's an important distinction.
1606 01:16:34 Just so you know,
1607 01:16:36 they don't actually serve hamburgers and Budweiser here,
1608 01:16:38 'cause it's a hofbrau house, so they would serve
1609 01:16:40 German food and German beers.
1610 01:16:42 They've been patronizing you.
1611 01:16:49 Just so you know, I don't even like hamburgers or Budweiser,
1612 01:16:53 so I've been patronizing them...
1613 01:16:54 - the whole time. - Okay.
1614 01:16:56 Did a little switcheroo.
1615 01:16:57 Oh, and just so you know, congratulations.
1616 01:17:00 Our campaign made the paper.
1617 01:17:04 Oh, God.
1618 01:17:13 She's so pretty.
1619 01:17:15 I bet she smells like Pop-Tarts.
1620 01:17:22 Is he still looking?
1621 01:17:24 Now, Colonel Jack Hastings.
1622 01:17:26 - Military man. - Absolutely.
1623 01:17:28 - From the heartland. - Yep.
1624 01:17:30 No greater place in America.
1625 01:17:31 - No, no. - Am I right?
1626 01:17:32 - Nope. - He is now part of the loony left.
1627 01:17:36 No, not just the loony left. He's not just a Democrat.
1628 01:17:39 No. He has joined the...
1629 01:17:40 - Squad. - Socialism.
1630 01:17:42 Socialism.
1631 01:17:44 Do you think it hurts our military
1632 01:17:46 to have one of their own throw in with the Democrats?
1633 01:17:51 I know that if I had served,
1634 01:17:54 I wouldn't like it.
1635 01:18:00 Wow, that was a harsh segment.
1636 01:18:03 Cutting but fair.
1637 01:18:05 It's like I wrote it myself last night and sent it to them
1638 01:18:07 and they read it verbatim like a scene.
1639 01:18:10 Go to bed.
1640 01:18:13 What is this?
1641 01:18:14 What am I looking at?
1642 01:18:15 Those are the...
1643 01:18:16 Why are we being outspent three-to-one?
1644 01:18:18 And how do white women not realize
1645 01:18:20 they're backing the wrong horse?
1646 01:18:21 These numbers aren't solidified.
1647 01:18:22 Yeah, well, you got to make it happen,
1648 01:18:24 or you got to find me some more fucking Hispanics.
1649 01:18:27 Where are my fucking Hispanics?!
1650 01:18:29 I need some more fucking Hispanics, Kurt!
1651 01:18:40 Hey, everybody.
1652 01:18:42 Listen.
1653 01:18:44 I am profoundly disappointed
1654 01:18:45 in the comments that I just made.
1655 01:18:48 My words and/or actions
1656 01:18:51 do not represent who I am as a person and...
1657 01:18:55 - Teachable moment. - It is a teachable moment.
1658 01:18:57 It's something I think we can all learn from.
1659 01:19:00 And in that way, I feel like I have given you a gift.
1660 01:19:04 - You have my heart. - And from this moment on,
1661 01:19:05 I vow to make this office
1662 01:19:07 a color- and gender-neutral work environment.
1663 01:19:13 That is my...
1664 01:19:13 Are you gonna get that?
1665 01:19:16 Ringing off the fucking hook.
1666 01:19:18 A hundred percent.
1667 01:19:20 What do you mean, you're sure?
1668 01:19:21 I'm sure.
1669 01:19:22 You're sure, or you're just pretty sure?
1670 01:19:24 - 100% sure. - Okay.
1671 01:19:26 Okay, Tina. Better not be another nun situation.
1672 01:19:29 It's not.
1673 01:19:32 Hey. Is your dad here?
1674 01:19:33 Yeah. Dad!
1675 01:19:35 - Yeah? - Come on in, Colonel.
1676 01:19:41 So, um, we can't win.
1677 01:19:47 The people in this town are pretty set in their ways.
1678 01:19:51 And we lost the eight nuns.
1679 01:19:53 That wasn't good.
1680 01:19:54 So, we can't win.
1681 01:20:00 Y-you know, we appreciate all you done.
1682 01:20:03 I mean, the campaign and, uh...
1683 01:20:06 I'm just sorry we let you down, but...
1684 01:20:09 well, all I can say is thank you.
1685 01:20:13 Really, Gary, thank you for everything.
1686 01:20:15 It was a hell of a ride.
1687 01:20:16 Are you shitting me?
1688 01:20:19 All I have to say is we can't win,
1689 01:20:22 and you're-you're through, you're out.
1690 01:20:24 - You said we can't win. - Unless.
1691 01:20:26 We can't win unless...
1692 01:20:28 You didn't let me finish.
1693 01:20:30 We can't win unless it turns out that this town
1694 01:20:33 isn't the Mayberry everybody thinks it is.
1695 01:20:36 I just got a little piece of intel
1696 01:20:38 that's kind of intriguing.
1697 01:20:39 So, the mayor's brother Ziggy, he had an Oxy problem.
1698 01:20:44 Well, he was a roofer and got hurt on the job.
1699 01:20:47 Yes, well, what you might not know
1700 01:20:49 is that the mayor pulled some strings,
1701 01:20:52 kept him out of jail, got him into rehab.
1702 01:20:55 That is abuse of power, nepotism.
1703 01:20:57 - Probably some clerical shit in there. - Come on.
1704 01:20:59 Gary.
1705 01:21:01 But we're the good guys, right?
1706 01:21:03 Yeah, we're the good guys.
1707 01:21:05 When they go low...
1708 01:21:07 We go high.
1709 01:21:09 Unless we also need to go low, apparently.
1710 01:21:12 Only to keep those who would go lower out of power.
1711 01:21:14 So, when they go low, we go higher,
1712 01:21:17 incrementally, in relation to how low they went.
1713 01:21:20 Regrettably, yes.
1714 01:21:21 When they go low, we go almost as low,
1715 01:21:24 but we feel worse doing it.
1716 01:21:25 You think they thought twice about making your dad
1717 01:21:27 look like a PTS nutcase?
1718 01:21:29 And I'm going low because
1719 01:21:31 I'm gonna tell the truth about the mayor?
1720 01:21:32 His brother's fragile, Gary.
1721 01:21:34 This town is fragile.
1722 01:21:36 The whole area is fragile. Our democracy.
1723 01:21:39 Stop. We're not doing it.
1724 01:21:41 Okay? People are gonna get hurt.
1725 01:21:44 I'm sorry... I really am...
1726 01:21:45 but sometimes good people have to do shitty things
1727 01:21:48 in service of the greater good.
1728 01:21:51 Isn't that right, Colonel?
1729 01:22:06 Yeah?
1730 01:22:08 Gary, stop.
1731 01:22:11 What?
1732 01:22:13 Is this politics?
1733 01:22:16 It's not politics anymore, Diana.
1734 01:22:18 It's... it's math.
1735 01:22:20 That's what an election is.
1736 01:22:21 It's just math.
1737 01:22:22 We need what they get plus one.
1738 01:22:25 That's all.
1739 01:22:27 And if I can't get that
1740 01:22:29 by getting more people to vote for your dad,
1741 01:22:31 then I have to get fewer people to vote for Braun.
1742 01:23:04 - Come on in. - Thank you.
1743 01:23:07 I'm so sorry.
1744 01:23:11 I... I'm pulling the plug.
1745 01:23:15 I mean, we have the money we need.
1746 01:23:17 We have more than we would need.
1747 01:23:18 And this would... destroy your brother.
1748 01:23:22 And I'm just so sorry.
1749 01:23:27 You have nothing to be sorry for.
1750 01:23:31 You saved us, Diana.
1751 01:23:35 This place was done.
1752 01:23:37 Just another town in the middle of nowhere, going nowhere.
1753 01:23:41 And everyone agreed... yours was the best idea we had.
1754 01:23:45 Unless you want to go back to the two Mikes' idea of...
1755 01:23:48 ostrich meat farms.
1756 01:23:51 Diana, you moving back here,
1757 01:23:54 caring so much...
1758 01:23:56 I mean, this whole thing...
1759 01:24:00 Well, I just know how proud of you your dad is
1760 01:24:04 and how proud your mom would be.
1761 01:24:09 And how grateful every single one of us are
1762 01:24:13 for what you've done and everything you've given.
1763 01:24:18 It's working.
1764 01:24:25 Okay.
1765 01:24:31 What do we do about Gary?
1766 01:24:35 Whatever Gary thinks he's got,
1767 01:24:38 why don't we just give him something better?
1768 01:25:05 No, forget the rehab thing.
1769 01:25:07 This is bigger. Obviously, you can't use my name, so just...
1770 01:25:10 "Senior official with inside knowledge of campaign strategy."
1771 01:25:13 Yes, you are welcome.
1772 01:25:15 Tell me they're running it.
1773 01:25:16 - They are running it. - Oh, yeah, baby!
1774 01:25:17 - Shit's gonna hit the fan. - Oh, it feels good.
1775 01:25:19 Now, the word of the day is "disappointed."
1776 01:25:22 We are not mad at the mayor. We are not shocked.
1777 01:25:24 - We're just disappointed. - Yeah, I am disappointed.
1778 01:25:26 - I'm disappointed, too. - I mean, it's disappointing.
1779 01:25:28 - It is. You know what, he's the mayor. - He betrayed us.
1780 01:25:30 He betrayed us, and it's disappointing.
1781 01:25:32 - I'm hurt. - But I'm not mad.
1782 01:25:33 - No, I'm just disappointed. - Me, too.
1783 01:25:35 Tonight, we have this picture
1784 01:25:37 of the alleged ten-year-old love child
1785 01:25:38 of the Wisconsin mayor and the girl's mother.
1786 01:25:41 We've obscured the child's face to protect her identity
1787 01:25:43 but left enough clues
1788 01:25:45 so that you can probably figure it out.
1789 01:25:47 To discuss this important, late-breaking story,
1790 01:25:49 we go to our panel with a feature
1791 01:25:50 you'll only see here on CNN: the Duodecabox.
1792 01:25:55 What do you think, Phil, Diane, Liz, Carl,
1793 01:25:58 Barbara and... let's say Craig?
1794 01:26:10 Kaylee?
1795 01:26:12 - Kaylee. - Y-Yeah.
1796 01:26:13 - Can you clean this up, please? - Oh, sure.
1797 01:26:15 It was an accident with the sandwich. Thank you.
1798 01:26:42 Hey, man.
1799 01:26:43 Can I talk to you about white power?
1800 01:26:49 Yeah, guns save lives.
1801 01:26:50 - Thank you, sir. - Thank you.
1802 01:27:00 It has been a hard-fought campaign,
1803 01:27:02 but now it's in the hands of the voters.
1804 01:27:04 And excuse me... there's the Colonel right there.
1805 01:27:07 Colonel, come on in.
1806 01:27:08 - Diana. - Hi. Good morning.
1807 01:27:09 Did you get some rest?
1808 01:27:10 Yeah, we got a little bit.
1809 01:27:11 - Excuse us, folks. - Good morning. Good morning.
1810 01:27:13 Excuse us. Excuse us.
1811 01:27:16 There he is.
1812 01:27:17 - Billy. Hey. - Colonel, good to see you, sir.
1813 01:27:18 - How are you? How are you? - Good to see you.
1814 01:27:19 How about a picture?
1815 01:27:21 All righty.
1816 01:27:23 Come on. Come on.
1817 01:27:24 - Let's go. Let's go. - Thank you.
1818 01:27:25 Make sure you get this guy's I.D.
1819 01:27:28 Okay.
1820 01:27:28 Billy, we're just talking to Fox. Just Fox.
1821 01:27:30 - Hello. Good morning. - Good morning, Jack.
1822 01:27:33 - Sign right there. - Yeah. All right.
1823 01:27:35 Your dad is really something.
1824 01:27:36 - Yeah. - He's done a great job.
1825 01:27:38 - Yeah, yeah. - Go over here?
1826 01:27:39 So have you. Thank you for everything.
1827 01:27:41 - It's been... - My pleasure.
1828 01:27:43 - So... - I was thinking, maybe later,
1829 01:27:44 if you want to watch the returns come in?
1830 01:27:45 Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'd love to.
1831 01:27:50 Oh, shoot.
1832 01:27:51 You know what? I have to head back to the farm,
1833 01:27:54 - but I'll see you later, okay? - Okay.
1834 01:27:55 Okay.
1835 01:27:57 Diana, aren't you gonna vote?
1836 01:28:06 Nothing?
1837 01:28:08 - No early returns? - Nothing.
1838 01:28:10 - What about exit polling? - No exit polling.
1839 01:28:12 Well, is there another precinct?
1840 01:28:13 No.
1841 01:28:15 Well, where else can they vote?
1842 01:28:16 Well, they can't vote anywhere else.
1843 01:28:17 Was it all early voting?
1844 01:28:19 No early voting, no. Nothing.
1845 01:28:21 What do you mean, nobody has voted yet?
1846 01:28:23 Uh, big guy.
1847 01:28:24 You're gonna want to see this.
1848 01:28:26 ...smear Mayor Braun with the falsehood of an illegitimate child.
1849 01:28:28 Which, as the report you just read stated,
1850 01:28:30 is actually the man's dear niece.
1851 01:28:32 Has the Hastings campaign apologized?
1852 01:28:34 Uh, no, they haven't, and it-it's too late for that.
1853 01:28:37 - Oh, fuck! - Mayor Braun continues to focus on the issues.
1854 01:28:40 And quite frankly, Brooke,
1855 01:28:41 the media owes the mayor an apology, as well,
1856 01:28:43 for credulously covering a poorly sourced story.
1857 01:28:46 Faith! Congratulations. Well done.
1858 01:28:48 - What the fuck are you doing? - A new low.
1859 01:28:50 Yeah, like I leaked a cocked-up story
1860 01:28:52 about a bastard child who happens to be the man's fucking niece.
1861 01:28:54 - Please, Gary. - You fed me that bullshit.
1862 01:28:56 You know, go fuck yourself.
1863 01:28:57 - You go fuck yourself. - You go fuck your...
1864 01:28:58 Okay, you two.
1865 01:29:00 Unfortunately, we're gonna have to leave it there.
1866 01:29:01 Thank you so much, Brooke.
1867 01:29:03 - Thank you so much. - Thanks, Brooke.
1868 01:29:04 - Thank you. - We're clear.
1869 01:29:06 Why would I leak this? Huh?
1870 01:29:08 Oh, to just make me take the bait.
1871 01:29:09 You didn't just want to win.
1872 01:29:11 You wanted to castrate me, didn't you?
1873 01:29:13 If I wanted to cut your dick off,
1874 01:29:14 I would have done it in front of you
1875 01:29:15 just to see the last look of horror in your eyes.
1876 01:29:19 You're telling the truth.
1877 01:29:21 No shit.
1878 01:29:23 What the fuck is going on here?
1879 01:29:25 Evan?
1880 01:29:26 What...
1881 01:29:27 Evan.
1882 01:29:28 Evan, oh, my God.
1883 01:29:30 - What's up, Becca? - How the hell are you?
1884 01:29:31 - Hiya. Nice to see you. - Good to see you.
1885 01:29:32 - How's everything? - Yeah, I mean, it's going.
1886 01:29:35 What the hell?
1887 01:29:37 How the hell does he know her?
1888 01:29:39 Is he from here?
1889 01:29:40 Gary, look at his shoes. I mean, really.
1890 01:29:43 And we have Alan to thank for bringing this man
1891 01:29:45 - to our attention. - It's Evan.
1892 01:29:47 Did I happen to mention that...
1893 01:29:48 Holy shit.
1894 01:29:50 - What? What? - Come on!
1895 01:29:53 So, with 100% of the vote counted,
1896 01:29:57 the mayoral race is tied.
1897 01:30:01 One vote to one vote.
1898 01:30:05 No.
1899 01:30:06 Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1900 01:30:08 Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
1901 01:30:11 Hold on. I, uh...
1902 01:30:13 I don't... I don't know exactly
1903 01:30:15 what's going on here, but it's weird.
1904 01:30:18 Could somebody please explain to me
1905 01:30:19 - what's happening? - Well, we had an election.
1906 01:30:21 - Yes, I know that. - And we gave it our best.
1907 01:30:23 Just didn't work out.
1908 01:30:24 Didn't work out, Jack? Come on.
1909 01:30:26 Do you know how much money we invested in this?
1910 01:30:28 Yeah, if the news media is to be believed,
1911 01:30:30 more than $45 million was raised between the two of you.
1912 01:30:42 Oh, shit.
1913 01:30:45 Did you sucker me, Jack?
1914 01:30:48 I guess.
1915 01:30:49 You know what? Folks, sorry,
1916 01:30:51 but I'm getting all that money back.
1917 01:30:53 From where?
1918 01:30:54 We put millions into those PACs.
1919 01:30:56 Well, campaign finance law says
1920 01:30:58 that money needn't be accounted for.
1921 01:31:01 Oh, my God.
1922 01:31:03 I got to give it to this place.
1923 01:31:06 Hey, Alan.
1924 01:31:08 Uh, it's Evan.
1925 01:31:09 Shit weasel.
1926 01:31:10 You're from this town, aren't you?
1927 01:31:12 - Yeah. - You set this whole thing up.
1928 01:31:14 You set me up, huh?
1929 01:31:16 You are so fired, and you're going to jail!
1930 01:31:19 It was me. I did it.
1931 01:31:21 You?
1932 01:31:24 Wh...
1933 01:31:26 Why?
1934 01:31:27 You know...
1935 01:31:29 it was just this weird idea I had
1936 01:31:32 'cause the town needed money.
1937 01:31:35 So you...
1938 01:31:36 Uh, shot the video,
1939 01:31:37 and then had Evan show it to you.
1940 01:31:41 Uh, I...
1941 01:31:42 We needed 750 grand over three years
1942 01:31:45 to keep the school from closing down.
1943 01:31:46 We blew way past that.
1944 01:31:48 We got enough to buy back the base, redevelop it.
1945 01:31:53 And the speech, the viral speech?
1946 01:31:56 Can I get a motion to vote?
1947 01:31:57 Actually, I'm here about that...
1948 01:31:59 Fuck, what's the word? Resolution.
1949 01:32:01 - I'll get it. - Mike, do you want to help him and...
1950 01:32:04 Yeah.
1951 01:32:05 Just have it low enough.
1952 01:32:07 Just leave enough room for that road sign in there.
1953 01:32:08 - Uh, am I supposed to have these on? - No glasses.
1954 01:32:10 I'm lost.
1955 01:32:13 Okay, Dad, that's good,
1956 01:32:14 but you have to leave after.
1957 01:32:16 All right, one more time.
1958 01:32:17 I guess they weren't principles.
1959 01:32:21 They're just hobbies.
1960 01:32:30 Holy shit, I think we got it.
1961 01:32:33 Oh, thank God.
1962 01:32:46 That was really just baiting the hook.
1963 01:32:48 You guys took it from there. I was never expecting her.
1964 01:32:51 Oh, I had a fucking blast.
1965 01:32:54 So you used me.
1966 01:32:58 We used you?
1967 01:33:01 You guys only show up here once every four years,
1968 01:33:03 and only then 'cause it's a swing state.
1969 01:33:05 And then, when it's over, you're gone.
1970 01:33:08 But we're still here
1971 01:33:09 with all the same problems we had before,
1972 01:33:11 just waiting around for you to come back
1973 01:33:13 and make the same empty promises as last time.
1974 01:33:17 We used the system.
1975 01:33:19 You make millions of dollars
1976 01:33:21 funneling tens of millions of dollars
1977 01:33:23 into this election economy.
1978 01:33:27 All we did is take a cut.
1979 01:33:34 Well...
1980 01:33:35 I guess I just...
1981 01:33:37 I thought that maybe you and I had a little something.
1982 01:33:46 I'm 28. I mean...
1983 01:33:49 In what world would this be okay?
1984 01:33:55 D.C. and L.A., parts of New York,
1985 01:33:58 Miami, maybe Dallas.
1986 01:34:02 Look...
1987 01:34:04 It wasn't personal.
1988 01:34:07 It was math.
1989 01:34:09 Math.
1990 01:34:11 But this system, the way we elect people,
1991 01:34:16 it's terrifying.
1992 01:34:18 And exhausting.
1993 01:34:20 And I think it's driving us all insane.
1994 01:34:32 You know what the real problem here
1995 01:34:33 is that the media is completely complicit in this sort of thing.
1996 01:34:36 I absolutely agree.
1997 01:34:37 I mean, it's like Neil Postman said...
1998 01:34:38 in entertaining ourselves,
1999 01:34:39 - news has become entertainment. - Yeah. Yeah.
2000 01:34:41 - And when that happens... it's gone. - Yeah.
2001 01:34:43 I thought he knew. I mean, I would get so nervous
2002 01:34:45 - every time he would come in. I would just, like... - Oh, no.
2003 01:34:46 I couldn't get my coffee order right,
2004 01:34:48 - and I was giving him the wrong thing. - Oh, you were great.
2005 01:34:49 You were perfect.
2006 01:34:50 Plus, you know, he has, you know,
2007 01:34:52 dreamy eyes a little bit, so, I mean...
2008 01:34:53 - Yeah. - He's-he's dashing.
2009 01:34:55 He actually made me cry.
2010 01:34:57 - He was, like, a shithead. - Yeah.
2011 01:35:00 It metastasizes, so it-it's growing
2012 01:35:02 - and-and whatever, so... - Yeah.
2013 01:35:03 Well, it becomes... it's sort of like
2014 01:35:04 any sort of autoimmune disorder.
2015 01:35:06 - Yeah. - It's like... it's like lupus.
2016 01:35:08 Know what I mean?
2017 01:35:08 That's actually a really great metaphor.
2018 01:35:10 - That's... that's like... - It's a simile.
2019 01:35:12 - 'Cause you said... - 'Cause I said...
2020 01:35:13 - I said it's "like." - You said it's "like."
2021 01:35:15 Yeah, right. It's like lupus.
2022 01:35:18 What a clusterfuck.
2023 01:35:21 Amen.
2024 01:35:27 How we looking?
2025 01:35:28 Well, they're saying these, uh, back acres
2026 01:35:31 are gonna become the over-55 community health center.
2027 01:35:35 Madison has promised
2028 01:35:36 a satellite campus for the front.
2029 01:35:38 Okay. And you know that we have to redo
2030 01:35:41 the septic on the back 50?
2031 01:35:42 - We heard all about it. - Okay.
2032 01:35:43 Hey, you.
2033 01:35:45 Oh, hey, you.
2034 01:35:46 She is something, huh?
2035 01:35:55 Are you listening to me?
2036 01:36:00 Are you listening to me?
2037 01:36:03 Are you listening to me?
2038 01:36:05 Oh, Gary, honey.
2039 01:36:07 I'm just so excited.
2040 01:36:08 I can't wait till we get the café tables in.
2041 01:36:10 I think people are really gonna like those a lot, you know?
2042 01:36:14 And then we can put the umbrellas up.
2043 01:36:17 And people can just sit outside and have coffee and...
2044 01:36:21 You know. Are you... are you listening to me?
2045 01:36:24 Are you listening to me?
2046 01:36:25 Hey, fuckup. Hey, fuckup.
2047 01:36:28 - Are you listening to me? - Yes, yes, yes.
2048 01:36:30 I'm listening to you.
2049 01:36:32 You don't open a dossier for less than $2 million.
2050 01:36:34 I know. That's what I'm talking to them about right now.
2051 01:36:37 $2 million.
2052 01:36:39 God, I hate you.
2053 01:36:40 Ditto.
2054 01:36:44 Gary?
2055 01:36:46 Gary, you there?
2056 01:36:48 Gary?
2057 01:36:50 Yo, Gary.
2058 01:36:56 Cheers!
2059 01:37:20 Colonel Jack Hastings, Deerlaken...
2060 01:37:22 did the media fall for a false narrative
2061 01:37:24 just because it fit into our preconceived notion of the divide of this country
2062 01:37:28 between red and blue
2063 01:37:29 without actually checking the facts?
2064 01:37:32 Were we irresponsible?
2065 01:37:33 Well, we're the news.
2066 01:37:35 Are we not supposed to cover the news?
2067 01:37:37 I mean, these are newsworthy stories.
2068 01:37:39 We're absolutely in the right to cover them.
2069 01:37:42 It is literally our job to cover the news.
2070 01:37:45 But isn't there a way to report the news
2071 01:37:47 without so much speculation,
2072 01:37:48 without a false sense of urgency
2073 01:37:50 that causes us to breathlessly report "facts"
2074 01:37:53 that maybe are not facts?
2075 01:37:55 And are we framing these stories
2076 01:37:57 on an artificial right-left axis
2077 01:37:59 because that's how our pundit economy is set up?
2078 01:38:02 Is there a better way to do this?
2079 01:38:09 I'm just kidding.
2080 01:38:11 Unfortunately, we have to leave it there.
2081 01:38:12 - Thank you all for watching. - She's...
2082 01:38:15 She's good.
2083 01:39:12 Could something like this happen?
2084 01:39:15 Legally, this could absolutely happen.
2085 01:39:19 Somebody could create a political organization...
2086 01:39:24 so-called outside group, a super PAC, 527...
2087 01:39:28 raise an unlimited amount of money,
2088 01:39:31 and then choose to give that money
2089 01:39:34 to another organization, a charity,
2090 01:39:37 and use it for public purposes.
2091 01:39:40 And you don't need the donors' consent to do that.
2092 01:39:44 The problem we have is that
2093 01:39:45 none of the pieces of the system are working today.
2094 01:39:49 You have regulators like the Federal Election Commission
2095 01:39:52 that don't have a quorum, can't meet,
2096 01:39:54 and when they do, they disagree on what the law is.
2097 01:39:57 You have Congress deadlocked so it can't rewrite the laws.
2098 01:40:01 You have the Supreme Court
2099 01:40:03 that thinks that almost nothing is corrupt
2100 01:40:06 and that citizens won't think the sale of access...
2101 01:40:11 what the court calls
2102 01:40:12 ingratiation in return for giving money to candidates...
2103 01:40:17 is a problem.
2104 01:40:18 So, to sum up, we currently have
2105 01:40:20 hundreds of millions to billions of dollars
2106 01:40:22 that is, uh, uh, untraceable,
2107 01:40:25 uh, that can pour into groups
2108 01:40:27 that are actually coordinating with-with candidates
2109 01:40:30 who end up having to spend a good amount of their time
2110 01:40:33 raising more and more money to keep up
2111 01:40:35 with the arms race that is occurring.
2112 01:40:39 The money continues to pour in and corrupt
2113 01:40:42 not just where they spend their time
2114 01:40:45 and how they spend their time
2115 01:40:47 but on the types of legislation that they would even bring to the fore.
2116 01:40:51 And the one group that would be charged
2117 01:40:54 with regulating, uh, this spigot,
2118 01:40:57 uh, doesn't meet
2119 01:40:59 'cause there aren't enough of them.
2120 01:41:02 Yes.
2121 01:41:07 I realize that's not helpful to you, but...
2122 01:41:09 It is very helpful. Thank you.
