关于我的父亲 About My Father(2023)(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:30 My name is Sebastian.And, yeah, that's me.
2 00:00:32 When my mother usedto dress me for pre-school,
3 00:00:35 like I was going to Studio 54.
4 00:00:38 Like most American stories,mine starts a long time ago
5 00:00:42 on another continent.
6 00:00:44 Specifically,the magical island of Sicilia.
7 00:00:49 [BLEATING]
8 00:00:50 SEBASTIAN: A lot of folkslike to call Sicily
9 00:00:52 the big ball in frontof the boot of Italy,
10 00:00:54 which makes sense
11 00:00:56 'cause the world's beentrying to kick our ass
12 00:00:57 since the dawn of time.[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
13 00:00:59 [WHIP CRACKS][WOMAN SCREAMING]
14 00:01:01 SEBASTIAN: For generations,my people have been
15 00:01:03 threatened by wars,
16 00:01:05 volcanoes,
17 00:01:07 and testicle-crushing Speedos.
18 00:01:10 [GOAT BLEATING]
19 00:01:11 But we survived it all
20 00:01:12 through one unstoppable force.
21 00:01:15 Family.
22 00:01:17 These are actual photosof my Sicilian ancestors.
23 00:01:22 Note the signatureManiscalco look.
24 00:01:25 With the curved spinesand the resting bitch face,
25 00:01:29 like a bunchof pissed-off candy canes.
26 00:01:32 Over the past few centuries,
27 00:01:35 these proud hunchback menhave operated with one goal.
28 00:01:40 Do everything you can...[COW MOOS]
29 00:01:41 ...to give your kidsa better life
30 00:01:43 than the one you had.
31 00:01:45 For my father,this meant leaving
32 00:01:47 his beloved Sicilyfor Chicago.
33 00:01:49 So he and my mother couldgive me opportunities
34 00:01:52 they never got.
35 00:01:53 Like shoveling snow.
36 00:01:55 Growing a beautiful mullet.
37 00:01:58 And going to the prom
38 00:02:00 looking like a pit boss.[SLOT MACHINE CHIMING]
39 00:02:01 [MAN WHISTLING]
40 00:02:03 SEBASTIAN: Growing up,my father busted his hump
41 00:02:05 to instill in me certain rules
42 00:02:07 of how a man should operate.
43 00:02:09 Like, if you're awake,you should be workin'.
44 00:02:13 Hey, how'sthe pressure,
45 00:02:14 Harder.
46 00:02:16 You got to get in there, son.I don't pay you by the hour,
47 00:02:17 I pay youby the moan, capisce?
48 00:02:19 [MOANING]
49 00:02:22 SEBASTIAN: Guywith the ponytail,
50 00:02:23 that's my dad.[MOANING CONTINUES]
51 00:02:24 Did I mention he owns a salon?
52 00:02:27 The man comes from a long lineof Sicilian hairstylists.
53 00:02:30 And don't you darecall him a barber.
54 00:02:33 This man doesn'tjust cut hair,
55 00:02:35 he creates styles.
56 00:02:37 Salvo,
57 00:02:39 it's beautiful.
58 00:02:40 See? I told youyou had cheekbones
59 00:02:42 You just needed Michelangeloto dig them out.
60 00:02:45 SEBASTIAN: Child labor lawswere definitely broken.
61 00:02:48 But on the bright side,
62 00:02:49 I had the most realisticChewbacca costume
63 00:02:52 in the history of Halloween.
64 00:02:53 [MIMICS CHEWBACCA'S GROWL]
65 00:02:56 SEBASTIAN: He taught meto always save your money.
66 00:02:58 No apps, no dessert.
67 00:03:00 And if you don'tfinish your main,
68 00:03:01 you're payingfor your own
69 00:03:07 SEBASTIAN:And to be resourceful.
70 00:03:09 You wanted meto buy you
71 00:03:10 I built youone instead.
72 00:03:14 Next year,I'm gonna
73 00:03:15 one of those Nintendos.
74 00:03:17 SEBASTIAN:But one exception, cologne.
75 00:03:19 Never cheap outon your signature scent.
76 00:03:23 At bedtime, our house smelledlike an Uber in Las Vegas.
77 00:03:30 The only time I sawmy father smile is
78 00:03:32 when we didthe chicken dance
79 00:03:33 for my mother.
80 00:03:37 To me, this man was a God.
81 00:03:41 And it was allworking out great
82 00:03:43 until I grew up,
83 00:03:45 and fell for someonewho was my complete opposite.
84 00:03:49 Her name was Ellie.
85 00:03:53 I mean, look at this girl.
86 00:03:55 The style, the positivity,
87 00:03:59 personality.
88 00:04:01 Yeah, this was my dream woman.
89 00:04:08 Sebastian!
90 00:04:10 Ah! I'm so sorryI'm late.
91 00:04:12 This guy's charging$15 for valet.
92 00:04:15 So I parked itnine blocks away.
93 00:04:17 Wait a minute,if you parked
94 00:04:19 how are you so dry?You sweat just
95 00:04:21 It's the Fendi, babe.
96 00:04:23 It's wicking away.[LAUGHING]
97 00:04:26 - You want one?- Yeah.
98 00:04:28 You know,everyone said
99 00:04:29 fancy foodat my opening,
100 00:04:31 "Name one personthat doesn't like
101 00:04:36 SEBASTIAN:And get this, she's an artist.
102 00:04:39 I mean, growing up,I wasn't even allowed
103 00:04:41 to do it as a hobby.
104 00:04:42 So how'sthe show going?
105 00:04:43 Oh, my God!Freaking amazing.
106 00:04:46 All my pieces sold outin like 15 minutes.
107 00:04:48 - Babe, that's incredible.- I know, right?
108 00:04:50 I mean, most of them wentto this big decorator,
109 00:04:52 but they have clientsall over the world,
110 00:04:56 Well, you shouldn't.
111 00:04:57 Especially because they look,kind of like, you know...
112 00:05:00 ELLIE: Vaginas?
113 00:05:02 Well, you know,if you just hang
114 00:05:08 they kind of looklike sunsets.
115 00:05:09 Oh, yeah.
116 00:05:11 [SOFTLY] Right.
117 00:05:12 SEBASTIAN:Since the day I met her,
118 00:05:13 she's been opening my eyes
119 00:05:15 to all kindsof new experiences.
120 00:05:18 Like naps.
121 00:05:19 Weird.
122 00:05:21 The sun's comingthrough the drapes.
123 00:05:23 And beauty treatments.
124 00:05:25 Hey, hot stuff.Looking good.
125 00:05:27 Wait, are you mad?
126 00:05:28 Yeah.
127 00:05:30 That it took 42 yearsto discover avocado masks.
128 00:05:32 And last but not least,
129 00:05:34 smiling.
130 00:05:37 Okay. Um...
131 00:05:39 - It's not natural.- That's...
132 00:05:41 That's notparticularly natural.
133 00:05:44 I think we justhave to build these
134 00:05:47 so you justgot to practice.
135 00:05:48 Look at that.Now try it.
136 00:05:50 I don't...[GASPS] Youlook great.
137 00:05:55 SEBASTIAN: Yeah, lifewith Ellie was pretty perfect.
138 00:06:00 [MY MAN BY CRUSH CLUBPLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
139 00:06:01 SEBASTIAN:I don't think
140 00:06:03 That's just ridiculous.
141 00:06:04 ELLIE:- You promised.
142 00:06:05 A public weddingproposal? It's
143 00:06:08 ELLIE: I thinkit's sweet.
144 00:06:10 When I proposeto you,
145 00:06:12 it's goingto be intimate.
146 00:06:13 - Hmm.- Just you and me,
147 00:06:15 the wayit should be.
148 00:06:16 - Hmm.- No one else.
149 00:06:18 Used to be,"If I propose."
150 00:06:19 You just said,"When I propose."
151 00:06:21 Okay, babe,it's just...
152 00:06:23 Words are justflying out
153 00:06:25 Well, justso you know,
154 00:06:26 the only wayI will say yes,
155 00:06:29 is if there issome element
156 00:06:30 of publichumiliation involved.
157 00:06:32 - Oh, well.- Get ready.
158 00:06:33 You might as well just endthe relationship right now,
159 00:06:35 because we ain't- doing that.
160 00:06:38 I'm not- doing this.
161 00:06:39 - such a good dancer.- Look at these people.
162 00:06:41 MAN: Uh, Ellie?I kind of need
163 00:06:44 Right, dude,we are in!
164 00:06:46 [PEOPLE CHEERING]
165 00:06:52 SEBASTIAN: The truth was,I had every intention
166 00:06:55 of asking Ellie to marry me.
167 00:06:58 I just neededthe right place and time.
168 00:07:06 SEBASTIAN: I see you, guy.[KNOCKING ON WINDOW]
169 00:07:07 I see you.
170 00:07:09 All right? Pick it up.
171 00:07:12 Thank you.- Take a walk.
172 00:07:14 I'm on the phonewith my parents
173 00:07:18 they're inviting us
174 00:07:21 out to the summer place
175 00:07:22 for the big4th-of-July weekend.
176 00:07:25 Babe, did you- just say "us"?
177 00:07:27 I thought this tripwas for family only.
178 00:07:28 I know! I mean,I'm so torn
179 00:07:30 between thinkingthis is great news,
180 00:07:33 or that I might bedragging you
181 00:07:34 into an Italian versionof Get Out.
182 00:07:36 [WOMAN SPEAKINGINDISTINCTLY ON PHONE]
183 00:07:37 Yes, yes, yes,Mother, yes. I'm
184 00:07:40 please hold.
185 00:07:42 [MOUTHING]What do you think?
186 00:07:43 [SNIFFLES]
187 00:07:46 ELLIE:[SIGHS] Yeah.
188 00:07:49 He's man-crying.That means it's a yes.
189 00:07:52 - Yes!- I love you.
190 00:07:54 I'm gonnaget you tissues.
191 00:07:55 I love you.I'm so excited.
192 00:07:58 SEBASTIAN: So, yeah,I'm a big crier.
193 00:08:01 I love to just marinatein my own tears.
194 00:08:04 BOTH: Mmm.
195 00:08:05 SEBASTIAN:But this was a huge deal.
196 00:08:09 Ellie's summer place wasn'tjust the perfect spot
197 00:08:12 to propose.
198 00:08:14 It also meant her family wasstarting to accept me.
199 00:08:17 Which was amazing, because...
200 00:08:20 How do I put this eloquently?
201 00:08:22 These people gotclass up the ass.
202 00:08:30 I mean, look at these peoplewith their perfect postures,
203 00:08:34 and their perfect teeth.
204 00:08:36 Even their dog wentto better schools
205 00:08:38 than I did.[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
206 00:08:40 SEBASTIAN: I was intimidated,
207 00:08:41 which really didn'tmake any sense
208 00:08:43 as their story was alsoan immigrant story.
209 00:08:47 For some reason, theirs wasconsidered more respectable,
210 00:08:52 as it started 400 years ago.
211 00:08:54 Now, this isan actual painting
212 00:08:56 of Ellie's10th great grandfather,
213 00:08:59 William Love Collins,taking his family to America,
214 00:09:03 on a little boat calledthe Mayflower.
215 00:09:06 You got it. That one.
216 00:09:09 So while my father cameto chase the American dream,
217 00:09:12 the Collins werethe American dream,
218 00:09:15 all the wayup to Ellie's dad.
219 00:09:18 William Love Collins XII.
220 00:09:20 Only Italian guys I knew
221 00:09:22 with Roman numeralsafter their names...
222 00:09:24 [CHURCH BELL TOLLING]...are popes,
223 00:09:26 and Rocky Balboa.[INDISTINCT CHEERING]
224 00:09:29 Her dad isthe chairman and CEO
225 00:09:31 of the luxuriousCollins Hotel Group,
226 00:09:33 which was awkward,
227 00:09:35 as I happened to runa cool new boutique hotel,
228 00:09:37 which was stealinga lot of his Chicago business.
229 00:09:40 Bottom line?
230 00:09:42 His baby girl wasdating the enemy.
231 00:09:45 But Bill wasn't eventhe scary parent.
232 00:09:48 That honor belongedto Ellie's mother,
233 00:09:51 whose actual birth namewas Tigger MacArthur.
234 00:09:56 Anna, darling,you don't know
235 00:09:59 SEBASTIAN:And this kitty's got claws.
236 00:10:02 As an Ivy Leaguegrad-turned-senator
237 00:10:04 for the state of Maryland,
238 00:10:05 it took her a long time
239 00:10:07 to wrap her mind aroundher beloved daughter dating
240 00:10:11 some working-classhotel manager.
241 00:10:14 How could I beanti-immigrant
242 00:10:16 when my daughter isdating the son of one?
243 00:10:20 SEBASTIAN:But this invite meant
244 00:10:22 I was finallybreaking through.
245 00:10:25 A holiday weekend wasmy chance to charm
246 00:10:27 the pleated pantsoff these people.
247 00:10:30 And if all went well,
248 00:10:32 I could askfor their daughter's
249 00:10:37 So, I had the girlI wanted to marry,
250 00:10:40 the perfect spotto propose to her,
251 00:10:43 and now,I just needed the ring,
252 00:10:46 which should havebeen easy to get.
253 00:10:48 Oh, come on. What do you mean
254 00:10:49 you're not gonnagive me the ring?
255 00:10:51 Grandma left it for meto use when I'm ready
256 00:10:53 SALVO: Uh, your grandmotherleft it with me
257 00:10:55 to make sure you justdon't give it away
258 00:10:56 to some puttana, that's whatyour grandmother did.
259 00:10:59 Can you come outof the garden so
260 00:11:01 [LEAVES RUSTLING]
261 00:11:03 They're back.They're back there
262 00:11:06 Forget the gagootz.
263 00:11:08 Dad, the ring,- can I have it?
264 00:11:12 You know,I don't know
265 00:11:13 I gotta tell ya.I'm not sure
266 00:11:15 She put her feet upon my coffee table,
267 00:11:16 I don't know... You putyour feet up
268 00:11:18 on your- coffee table.
269 00:11:19 my feet.
270 00:11:20 What do youthink is this?
271 00:11:22 - What bites? A raccoon?- Ants? Is it an ant?
272 00:11:25 An ant. You gotto to be kidding me.
273 00:11:28 Let's see.Okay, here we are.
274 00:11:30 Look at them.That's a possum.
275 00:11:32 Possum. They're dead.
276 00:11:35 - Dead, gone.- Oh, no. Come on,
277 00:11:36 with the thing again... Gone from this earth.
278 00:11:38 - Instant death.- Just set a trap.
279 00:11:41 Yeah, I'm gonnaset a trap.
280 00:11:42 I'm gonna getmy antifreeze,
281 00:11:44 SEBASTIAN: When I was a kid,
282 00:11:45 I thought everythingmy dad did was normal.
283 00:11:49 If some string beanswent missing,
284 00:11:51 I'd wake up to a yardfull of poisoned squirrels,
285 00:11:55 birds, chipmunks,
286 00:11:57 basically anything
287 00:11:58 that ever helpedCinderella get dressed,
288 00:12:00 murdered in our backyard.
289 00:12:03 Come on, Dad.Could you just admit
290 00:12:05 that Ellie's notsome puttana?
291 00:12:07 I love her, you love her.
292 00:12:08 Just give me the ringso I can propose.
293 00:12:11 You really seriousabout this?
294 00:12:12 Yeah, Dad,she's the one.
295 00:12:14 - She's the one?- Yeah.
296 00:12:15 Okay, son, you knowwhat I'm gonna do?
297 00:12:16 I'm gonna give- you the ring.
298 00:12:18 But first I gottameet her family.
299 00:12:20 - What? Why?- Why?
300 00:12:22 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
301 00:12:25 - [IN ENGLISH] That's why.- What the hell
302 00:12:27 [SCOFFS] You gotno respect
303 00:12:28 I mean, what areyou talking about?
304 00:12:30 You don't eatthe fruit till
305 00:12:31 the tree ain't sick.
306 00:12:32 And per tradition,I need to look
307 00:12:34 at the motherand the father's eyes.
308 00:12:35 I need to look themin the eyes
309 00:12:37 to make sure there's no rot.
310 00:12:38 Because there could be rot.- Not that there is.
311 00:12:40 - But there could be.- There's no rot
312 00:12:42 - You never know.- They're classy.
313 00:12:44 - You never know.- Come on, they're
314 00:12:45 Oh, yeah.
315 00:12:47 The fancier,the dirtier.
316 00:12:48 You never knowwhat's going on.
317 00:12:50 Plus, they don't liveanywhere near here.
318 00:12:51 So let me just put youon a FaceTime,
319 00:12:53 so you couldtaste test them
320 00:12:55 Hey, I'm not doing FaceTime.This is an important moment.
321 00:12:58 FaceTime, Zoom?What are you, crazy?
322 00:12:59 You don't gottaget all upset.
323 00:13:01 Dad, I wantto do this
324 00:13:04 at their family's housein the country.
325 00:13:07 Wait... wait.Hold on, hold on.
326 00:13:09 This is the first summer
327 00:13:10 since we had to say goodbyeto your poor dear mother,
328 00:13:12 and you're goingto leave me alone
329 00:13:14 for the goddamn 4th of July?
330 00:13:15 Well, it's just that,you know,
331 00:13:17 her family invited meto their summer house.
332 00:13:19 Oh, their summer home?
333 00:13:20 Oh, most people got one home,but they got 'em
334 00:13:22 for different seasons.Oh, that's nice.
335 00:13:23 Come on, Dad. So they gotmore money than us,
336 00:13:25 who doesn't? Plus,it's just for one weekend.
337 00:13:28 Oh, one weekend, he says.One weekend.
338 00:13:30 Fifty years ago,I come to this country
339 00:13:32 to give you a better life.
340 00:13:33 Fifty years ago,
341 00:13:35 I skipped every weekendin Sicily for you.
342 00:13:38 I joined the US Army
343 00:13:39 to protect your freedoms.And what thanks do I get?
344 00:13:41 You go celebratethe 4th of July
345 00:13:43 with some other family,
346 00:13:44 leaving meto burn the sparklers
347 00:13:45 and eat the hot dogs alone!
348 00:13:47 Alone! Thank you.
349 00:13:50 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
350 00:13:51 [IN ENGLISH]This is incredible.
351 00:13:53 [CONTINUES IN ITALIAN]
352 00:13:59 Wait, what do you meanyou're not coming?
353 00:14:01 I can't leave my father.
354 00:14:03 The 4th of July wastheir favorite holiday.
355 00:14:05 Because of hismilitary background?
356 00:14:07 No, it's the only holidayyou don't have to buy a gift.
357 00:14:10 I'm sorry, Ellie.
358 00:14:12 We'll just do itsome other time.
359 00:14:14 Why don'twe just bring him?
360 00:14:15 [HESITATES] What happened?
361 00:14:16 I mean, if he...loves the 4th,
362 00:14:19 he's gonna flip outat our place.
363 00:14:21 There's allkinds of fun
364 00:14:24 There's fireworks.There's even a huge clambake
365 00:14:26 with tons of fresh fish.
366 00:14:28 He loves to de-bone fish.
367 00:14:31 Kind of perfect.
368 00:14:33 SEBASTIAN: My fathergetting a close-up look
369 00:14:36 at my new life,
370 00:14:37 while I was tryingto seal the deal
371 00:14:39 with Ellie's parents?
372 00:14:41 What an incredible idea!
373 00:14:43 Nah, I don't think so.
374 00:14:44 I should probablyjust stay here with him.
375 00:14:46 Boo!
376 00:14:48 Come on.
377 00:14:50 Don't you wantour families
378 00:14:53 [IN HIGH-PITCH]Yeah, of course I do.
379 00:14:56 Why is your voicegoing up like that?
380 00:14:58 What's going on?
381 00:14:59 Are you...
382 00:15:02 Are you nervousto bring him?
383 00:15:04 Ner... No. [CHUCKLES]
384 00:15:06 No. What? No, no.
385 00:15:08 All right, fine.
386 00:15:10 Don't bring him.
387 00:15:11 Don't come.
388 00:15:14 Don't have fun.It's fine.
389 00:15:16 SEBASTIAN: All right,maybe I was a little scared
390 00:15:18 to bring my fatherinto a country club environment,
391 00:15:21 where he'd see me playingracquet sports,
392 00:15:24 riding around in golf carts,and taking naps.
393 00:15:27 But I also knewthat stubborn bastard wouldn't
394 00:15:30 give me the ring withouta face-to-face meeting.
395 00:15:34 Fine. You win.I'll ask him.
396 00:15:37 [EXCLAIMS HAPPILY]
397 00:15:38 Hey, don't getall excited, all right?
398 00:15:40 This guy's big on tradition.I doubt he'll even say yes.
399 00:15:43 Shit, yeah. I'm coming.
400 00:15:44 No, wait, wait,wait. Seriously?
401 00:15:46 Of course, I'm coming.What are we gonna
402 00:15:47 Spend the wholeweekend alone,
403 00:15:48 just the two of usin the house,
404 00:15:49 burning the sparklers
405 00:15:51 and eating the hotdogs?Yeah, I'm coming.
406 00:15:53 That's the sameexample you used
407 00:15:54 to guilt trip meinto not going.
408 00:15:55 Well, what can I say.I got a way with words.
409 00:15:57 You know me.
410 00:15:59 All right, listen.If we're gonna do this, Dad,
411 00:16:00 you gotta beon your best behavior.
412 00:16:01 Wha... What do you mean,my best behavior?
413 00:16:03 The family is uptight,
414 00:16:04 they're conservative,they're not used to...
415 00:16:06 Hold on, hold on, hold on.
416 00:16:07 So, you, the son, aretelling me, the father,
417 00:16:10 how to behave?
418 00:16:11 You hear this?
419 00:16:13 Just remember the main goalis for you to meet the family,
420 00:16:15 so I can get the ringand propose to Ellie.
421 00:16:17 It's not for youto price check
422 00:16:18 their antique coffee tables.
423 00:16:19 Come on, already!I mean, how fancy
424 00:16:21 could a stupidcoffee table be?
425 00:16:22 I mean, seriously,how much we talking?
426 00:16:24 I don't know, Dad.
427 00:16:26 I'm kidding you. Mannaggia.[IN ENGLISH] Where's
428 00:16:28 - Jeez. Come on.- All I'm asking is
429 00:16:29 dial it down with the...
430 00:16:31 [MOCKING SALVO]What, all the...
431 00:16:32 This is...What is this?
432 00:16:33 Look at him.Look at him.
433 00:16:35 Dial it downwith all this
434 00:16:36 You know whathe's worried about?
435 00:16:37 He's worried
436 00:16:38 his immigrant father'sgonna make him look
437 00:16:40 like some kindof goombah.
438 00:16:41 Let me tell you something.
439 00:16:43 You don't rememberthis because I'm your dad
440 00:16:44 but a lot of peoplefind me charming,
441 00:16:46 pretty charming,that's right. Right.
442 00:16:48 - Right, ladies?- WOMEN: Yeah.
443 00:16:49 [CHUCKLES] And thesestuck-up rich people?
444 00:16:51 They got a word for me...
445 00:16:52 I remember, it's loud,it's obnoxious,
446 00:16:55 it's over-cologned.
447 00:16:56 No, no. "Refreshing."
448 00:16:58 "He's refreshing.""He's so original."
449 00:17:00 I've heard that all...All the time I hear that.
450 00:17:02 And I promise youEllie's parents
451 00:17:05 I don't know aboutyou, but they're going
452 00:17:06 - Mm-hmm.- Ladies,
453 00:17:08 your 'dos doneby Thursday
454 00:17:09 'cause the Maniscalco men,they're going on vacation.
455 00:17:13 He's worried.
456 00:17:15 This kid isworried. I'm not.
457 00:17:17 [ IL MONDO BY IL VOLO PLAYING]
458 00:17:35 [LIGHTER CLICKS]What the hell
459 00:17:37 - You can't smoke here.- What? I'm outside.
460 00:17:38 Next to an airplane!
461 00:17:40 - Oh, sorry!- STEWARDESS: That's okay.
462 00:17:42 Mannaggia.Can't even
463 00:17:44 I got somegood news.
464 00:17:46 I got usa luxury sedan
465 00:17:47 for the priceof a compact.
466 00:17:49 That's nice,but makes
467 00:17:51 how much the compactyou could've got for.
468 00:17:53 Then I tookthe compact price
469 00:17:55 and got iton the house![CHUCKLING]
470 00:17:57 - Hey!- Hey! Nice!
471 00:17:59 - Baby, the bags.- Yeah. How long does
472 00:18:01 Um, like, three hours.
473 00:18:03 Hey, you guyslooking for a ride?
474 00:18:05 [GASPS] Oh, my God.
475 00:18:07 Lucky!
476 00:18:08 SEBASTIAN: Oh, no.
477 00:18:10 Who's that,an ex-boyfriend?
478 00:18:12 Worse. Brother.
479 00:18:13 LUCKY: Hey![ELLIE SCREAMING]
480 00:18:15 [ELLIE SCREAMING INDISTINCTLY]
481 00:18:17 SEBASTIAN: While I'd madeprogress with Ellie's parents,
482 00:18:20 I'd yet to make anywith the older brother.
483 00:18:23 His name wasWilliam Love Collins XIII.
484 00:18:26 So, everybody calledthis guy "Lucky."
485 00:18:28 And that's exactly
486 00:18:30 what he was.ALL: Chug, chug, chug,
487 00:18:31 Whoo!
488 00:18:32 Oh, my God!
489 00:18:34 SEBASTIAN: After graduatingfrom Princeton,
490 00:18:35 back when you couldbribe your kid into college,
491 00:18:38 Lucky was on deckto take over the Hotel Group
492 00:18:40 while workingas a "Client Liaison."
493 00:18:42 Gentlemen! Who's ready to gohunt some endangered species?
494 00:18:46 I'm just kidding.Unless you guys
495 00:18:47 I can figuresomething out.
496 00:18:49 SEBASTIAN: This meanttraveling around the world,
497 00:18:51 entertaining wealthy clients
498 00:18:52 with all the rich kid hobbies
499 00:18:54 he had time to master.Whoo!
500 00:18:56 SEBASTIAN:We're talking skiing...
501 00:18:57 Whoo! Snowboarding sucks!
502 00:19:00 SEBASTIAN: ...y achting.[SLURPING]
503 00:19:02 ...all the country club sports.
504 00:19:04 Whoo! Looks likeI gotta change
505 00:19:07 'cause I'm onthe dance floor. What!
506 00:19:09 [EXCLAIMINGIN EXCITEMENT]
507 00:19:11 SEBASTIAN: But I'd sayhis overall best skill
508 00:19:14 was being a prick.[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
509 00:19:16 LUCKY: There he is.
510 00:19:17 I see you're stillbanging the bellboy.
511 00:19:19 - ELLIE: Luck! No!- LUCKY: Hey!
512 00:19:21 I'm only joking,Sea Bass.
513 00:19:22 [SPEAKING SPANISH]
514 00:19:23 Hey, what's up,Luck?[IN ENGLISH] Not much.
515 00:19:25 You must beSebastian's brother.
516 00:19:27 Hey. No, I'mhis father. Salvo.
517 00:19:28 No way! Seriously?
518 00:19:30 That's crazy.I can't tell the age
519 00:19:32 of anybody over 40.
520 00:19:33 [SCOFFS]Anyway. Oh, let me
521 00:19:35 goose you guyssome free samps.
522 00:19:37 I'm an angel investor
523 00:19:39 in this new anti-agingskin cream for men
524 00:19:41 and I'm obvi a client.
525 00:19:43 [CHUCKLES]This guy.
526 00:19:45 You boys ready to saddle up?
527 00:19:46 [GASPS]LUCKY: Let's go!
528 00:19:48 Oh, chopper time!
529 00:19:50 El... El, I don'tthink this is such
530 00:19:52 Yeah, we gota free car,
531 00:19:53 Guys, come on!
532 00:19:55 Trust me, the helicoptertakes 20 minutes,
533 00:19:58 and the viewsare magical.
534 00:20:01 Are you with me?[SIGHS]
535 00:20:03 Come on! Let'shave some fun!
536 00:20:06 MAN: [ON RADIO] Lucky,you are cleared for takeoff.
537 00:20:08 LUCKY: Roger that, Roger.
538 00:20:09 Dude's name is Roger. We hang.
539 00:20:11 Got a super-hot wife.
540 00:20:15 Hey, if you guyslook out to your left,
541 00:20:17 you'll see the beautifulRoanoke River.
542 00:20:20 ELLIE: Baby, look.
543 00:20:23 Salvo, it's nice, right?
544 00:20:24 Yeah. Yeah,yeah, it's nice.
545 00:20:25 Reminds me of 'Nam.
546 00:20:26 [EXHALES]
547 00:20:33 - Huh?- Yeah, I'm fine.
548 00:20:35 - Okay. Okay.- I'm fine.
549 00:20:38 [THUDDING]
550 00:20:39 - Oh, yeah.- Sorry. Sorry.
551 00:20:40 I got it. I got it.[ELLIE CHUCKLES]
552 00:20:42 [LUCKY CHUCKLING]
553 00:20:43 Had a coupletoo many G and Ts.
554 00:20:45 - He's kidding. He's kidding.- SALVO: Yeah, yeah.
555 00:20:49 - The air don't work.- SALVO: No, it does.
556 00:20:50 It works, it works.
557 00:20:52 It's okay.Only a couple of minutes.
558 00:20:54 It's just- a little warm, Dad.
559 00:20:56 I think we got a problem here.
560 00:20:58 - What?- We got
561 00:21:00 Oh, my God! Baby![SEBASTIANWHEEZING]
562 00:21:01 - Yeah, I can't breathe.- Wait, wait, wait.
563 00:21:02 Take a bite out of the lemon.
564 00:21:04 It'll help withthe nausea.
565 00:21:05 I'll cut it.I'll cut it.
566 00:21:06 Hey.
567 00:21:08 I'll cut itinto pieces.
568 00:21:09 I got a knife.[GASPS]
569 00:21:10 He's got a knife.Oh, my God.
570 00:21:12 - He's got a knife.- I'm cutting the lemon.
571 00:21:13 Okay, here.Take it. Take it.
572 00:21:15 - Suck on that.- ELLIE: Suck on
573 00:21:18 ELLIE: Just suck!Suck, suck, suck!
574 00:21:20 LUCKY: Sounds like- my Saturday night.
575 00:21:22 LUCKY: Dude.Do not vom in my bird.
576 00:21:24 He's not gonna vomin your bird.
577 00:21:25 Just breathein through the nose,
578 00:21:26 - out through the mouth.- SALVO: Suck on that.
579 00:21:28 - It's making it worse.- Suck it!
580 00:21:30 - LUCKY: Cradle the balls.- SALVO: Suck on that!
581 00:21:31 ELLIE: You just suck!Just suck it.
582 00:21:32 - Suck the lemon!- SALVO: Take it easy, kid.
583 00:21:35 I think we shouldturn around.
584 00:21:36 It's like 19 more minutes.
585 00:21:37 You can't toughit out for 19...It stinks!
586 00:21:39 Let's bring it down.Let's bring it... Open up the windows!
587 00:21:41 I'm gonna die!
588 00:21:43 Put the air conditioning- down there.
589 00:21:44 - How are you so calm?- LUCKY: Roger,
590 00:21:45 - we're coming back.- I'm dying!
591 00:21:47 Put it down! Ah!
592 00:21:51 [SIGHS]
593 00:21:56 I knew I should'veforced him
594 00:21:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah.Laugh it up.
595 00:22:01 Laugh it up, guys.
596 00:22:02 I'm just happyI'm on the ground.
597 00:22:07 Okay, gentlemen.Welcome to White Oak.
598 00:22:11 - Wow!- Right?
599 00:22:13 Ah, boy.
600 00:22:14 Um, okay, so, that'sthe golf course,
601 00:22:16 and thenthe tennis courts are
602 00:22:21 Oh, baby, look. Right there?That's my childhood fort.
603 00:22:24 - SEBASTIAN: Oh.- ELLIE: We'd go there.
604 00:22:25 whenever I neededto get away from my family.
605 00:22:26 So, basically, all the time.
606 00:22:28 Yeah, I wishI had one.
607 00:22:29 [GASPS] Oh, look!
608 00:22:32 Oh, my God! It'sSergeant Feathers
609 00:22:36 - SEBASTIAN: What is this?- Oh, my God!
610 00:22:38 SEBASTIAN: What are you doing?
611 00:22:40 - [GASPS] What up, dudes?- SEBASTIAN: What are you...
612 00:22:42 Yeah, no, she's crazy.
613 00:22:43 What's that? What areyou doing? Be careful.
614 00:22:46 SEBASTIAN:Get back in the car!
615 00:22:47 They're gonna eat you alive!
616 00:22:49 - Oh, my God!- Aren't they
617 00:22:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
618 00:22:51 They'reso beautiful!
619 00:22:53 So how mucha peacock cost anyway?
620 00:22:54 SEBASTIAN:Don't answer that, El.
621 00:22:56 SALVO: I didn't know they hadpeacocks in Virginia.
622 00:22:58 Oh, well,my grandfather brought
623 00:23:01 but they didn'tlike their cages,
624 00:23:03 so he decidedto let them roam free.
625 00:23:04 And now, they'vepretty much just become
626 00:23:06 the official mascotsof our club.
627 00:23:08 Well, they're bad luckwhere I come from.
628 00:23:09 They're just a bunchof goddamn showoffs,
629 00:23:11 if you ask me.I don't like them.
630 00:23:13 They're luckyto be born that way.
631 00:23:14 They could've beenborn like a chicken,
632 00:23:15 or a pigeon.
633 00:23:17 I mean, it just hasfancy feathers,
634 00:23:18 so all of a sudden,it gets more respect.
635 00:23:20 [CHUCKLES] Okay, guys.
636 00:23:23 We're here.Welcome to our house.
637 00:23:27 SEBASTIAN: Look at this!Are you kidding me?
638 00:23:30 SALVO: How mucha house like this cost?
639 00:23:32 SEBASTIAN: Enoughwith the Price is Right!
640 00:23:34 ELLIE: He's the Bob Barkerof the backseat.[SEBASTIAN GROANS]
641 00:23:36 [CAR HORN HONKING]
642 00:23:38 Oh, my littlecuddle monkey!
643 00:23:41 Hi.[TIGGER LAUGHING]
644 00:23:42 - Oh, my girl.- BILL: Oh!
645 00:23:44 - Oh, what a beauty!- Ellie-Bellie!
646 00:23:46 SEBASTIAN: You know,looking back at this,
647 00:23:48 my dad had to be overwhelmed.
648 00:23:50 Family's a littlehandsy, huh?
649 00:23:52 It's calledlove and
650 00:23:54 Unlike you,when you met me
651 00:23:55 and choseto shake
652 00:23:57 What else was Isupposed to do?
653 00:23:59 [SIGHS]Huh?
654 00:24:01 ELLIE: Guys,come on. I want
655 00:24:02 Sebastian's father.
656 00:24:04 - Hey, Sebastian.- Hi.
657 00:24:05 Nice to see you.
658 00:24:06 - Pleasure. Welcome.- SALVO: Nice
659 00:24:07 Sebastian,so good
660 00:24:10 And you must bethe charming Salvo.
661 00:24:14 So nice tofinally meet you
662 00:24:16 It's just last weekI was checking out
663 00:24:18 your highlightson TV.
664 00:24:20 Oh, the CNNor the Fox ones?
665 00:24:22 No, no,the blonde ones.
666 00:24:23 You hair,if I can say, is
667 00:24:25 just likea block
668 00:24:26 I wanna sinkmy tools into it.
669 00:24:28 Dad, Dad,Dad, what are
670 00:24:29 Sorry, I mean, it's... You're gonna hit her.
671 00:24:31 Well, Salvo, we'veheard you're quite
672 00:24:33 Now, tell me this,
673 00:24:34 do you thinkI'm too old
674 00:24:36 a set offrosted tips?
675 00:24:37 [ALL LAUGHING]
676 00:24:41 "Frosted tips?"
677 00:24:42 Good one, sir! Solid gold!
678 00:24:44 All right,I'm gonna
679 00:24:46 ELLIE: Have fun!LUCKY: Hasta luego!
680 00:24:47 So, uh, whydon't you
681 00:24:49 and we'llgive you
682 00:24:51 Don't worryabout the bags.
683 00:24:52 Wendell willtake care
684 00:24:54 ELLIE: Mommy...
685 00:24:55 SALVO: That'sa pretty big dog
686 00:24:57 BILL: Oh, that's Duke.
687 00:24:59 We don't get too roughwith him, 'cause we're
688 00:25:00 [ALL LAUGHING]He's so big!
689 00:25:01 - ELLIE: Dad!- BILL: This is our house.
690 00:25:03 - SEBASTIAN: Wow!- TIGGER: Yes.
691 00:25:04 - SALVO: It's unbelievable.- TIGGER: It's so big.
692 00:25:05 [ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]TIGGER: Oh, this is
693 00:25:07 our youngest son, Doug.
694 00:25:10 He's practicing... ELLIE: Hi!
695 00:25:11 ...his sound bowls.
696 00:25:13 Oh, yeah... Sound bowls?What is that?
697 00:25:15 Oh, well, now,a sound bowl is...
698 00:25:17 It's, actually,it's an instrument.
699 00:25:18 It puts outthis vibration
700 00:25:20 that relieves stressand promotes relaxation.
701 00:25:23 He's...he's learning
702 00:25:26 [CHUCKLING]
703 00:25:27 Uh, but we'rejust so proud
704 00:25:29 You're so loud, Dad.
705 00:25:30 - Oh, sorry.- Oh, sorry, sorry.
706 00:25:32 Let me just...Sorry. No, I'm
707 00:25:34 Play, boy, play.
708 00:25:36 Play to soothethe savage beast.
709 00:25:39 Well, you don't haveto shut 'em.
710 00:25:40 [BILL CHUCKLING]
711 00:25:42 Wow! This houseis amazing!
712 00:25:44 - Look at this!- TIGGER: This is nothing.
713 00:25:46 You should seethe place in Aspen.
714 00:25:48 [ALL CHUCKLING]Well, it's just,
715 00:25:50 - Yeah.- I love this
716 00:25:53 Oh, Sebastian!
717 00:25:56 Good eye!
718 00:25:58 The firstcommercial coal mine
719 00:26:01 right downthe road
720 00:26:02 and this piece ismade out
721 00:26:05 from oneof the original
722 00:26:08 Drenched- in history.
723 00:26:11 Good for you,re-using old wood
724 00:26:13 - BILL: Yes.- This guy always
725 00:26:14 about picking uptrash and putting
726 00:26:16 [CHUCKLES]Trash?
727 00:26:18 It's crazy, the stuffthat people throw
728 00:26:19 It sure beatspaying for it,
729 00:26:21 - So, I... I take it.- Right.
730 00:26:23 Yes. Yes.That is
731 00:26:25 - so true.- Yeah.
732 00:26:27 Um, actually,though, we did
733 00:26:30 [ELLIE CHUCKLES]A king's ransom,
734 00:26:32 if I must say,but at least
735 00:26:35 to put drinks on.[ALL CHUCKLING]
736 00:26:37 Dad, that'sthe worst.
737 00:26:38 No, no, we just,we wanted something
738 00:26:41 that matchedthe art
739 00:26:44 SALVO: Oh, good for you,
740 00:26:45 hanging upyour kids'
741 00:26:47 No, these areoriginal Grandma Moseses.
742 00:26:53 Can youbelieve it?
743 00:26:54 BILL: Wefound them...
744 00:26:55 - BILL: What?- I'm sorry.
745 00:26:57 I didn't meanto insult your grandmother.
746 00:26:59 I meantno disrespect.
747 00:27:01 I mean, what wasthe matter with her?
748 00:27:03 Was she a little...[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
749 00:27:04 [IN ENGLISH]Oh, my God.
750 00:27:05 Hey, who's hungryfor lunch?
751 00:27:07 - I am.- ELLIE: Me, me, me!
752 00:27:09 We could all godown to The Shack.
753 00:27:10 ELLIE: Oh, Salvo,- you're gonna love The Shack!
754 00:27:14 [WE NO SPEAK AMERICANOPLAYING AS RINGTONE]
755 00:27:25 It's me.
756 00:27:28 Wow, this clubis huge, Bill.
757 00:27:31 The wayyou were
758 00:27:32 I expecteda place where
759 00:27:34 grilled cheeseout of a little
760 00:27:36 Yes, I supposethey've fixed it up
761 00:27:39 But to usit will
762 00:27:41 BOTH: The Shack.
763 00:27:43 This place wasbuilt by slaves.
764 00:27:45 Douglass.
765 00:27:46 What, I'm not allowedto tell the truth now?
766 00:27:49 How are we supposedto confront our problems
767 00:27:50 if we don'ttalk about it, Dad?
768 00:27:52 No, it's true.It's true.
769 00:27:54 The... Someof the history
770 00:27:57 just...it's brutal.
771 00:27:58 - Mmm.- It's just unthinkable.
772 00:28:02 It's not on the menu,but you can order
773 00:28:04 the club sandwichwith lobster.
774 00:28:06 You know, I can'teven bring
775 00:28:08 becauseI'm ashamed.
776 00:28:11 She'san African person.
777 00:28:12 She is a personemailing you from Africa,
778 00:28:16 and to whomyou are sending
779 00:28:18 We haveyet to confirm
780 00:28:20 whether she'sa girl or a friend.
781 00:28:22 Keep me safefrom negative energy.
782 00:28:24 Hi, everyone. Welcometo White Oak.
783 00:28:27 What can- I get you guys?
784 00:28:29 Um, do you havethose crackers?
785 00:28:32 - Of course.- Gloria, do you
786 00:28:35 - I can check.- Does anyone
787 00:28:38 Ever since I'vehad kombucha,
788 00:28:39 my BMs have been- ...completely regular.
789 00:28:42 - I've had no problems.- All right.
790 00:28:45 we don't talk about- our BMs at the table.
791 00:28:47 Before I wasdrinking kombucha,
792 00:28:50 my feces looked like
793 00:28:51 ripped,little pieces
794 00:28:53 and then afterI started drinking,
795 00:28:55 they're long,soft logs.
796 00:28:57 Well, all right.Thank you for that.
797 00:29:00 Um, do you knowwhat you want,
798 00:29:02 Just a...
799 00:29:04 - the Cobb salad.- BILL: Good choice.
800 00:29:06 What are you, oneof my sorority sisters?
801 00:29:08 [CHUCKLING]Is that all
802 00:29:10 You're notgonna get
803 00:29:12 Yeah, uh,I'm just gonna
804 00:29:14 stick with the middleof the menu.
805 00:29:15 ELLIE: All right,suit yourself.
806 00:29:17 Salvo, what areyou gonna get?
807 00:29:18 Gloria, I thinkI'm gonna have the...
808 00:29:20 the BLT withthe onion rings.
809 00:29:22 But what'sthe price
810 00:29:25 Oh, no, we don't...
811 00:29:26 Salvo, this maysound very silly
812 00:29:31 but we don'tlike to put
813 00:29:33 because it's justan annoying reminder
814 00:29:37 Oh! [CHUCKLES]
815 00:29:39 So, everything'sfor free, you mean?
816 00:29:41 [CHUCKLES]No. No, it is
817 00:29:44 [LAUGHS]I wish it were.
818 00:29:45 TIGGER: [LAUGHING]Nothing is free.
819 00:29:47 So, what do they do?I mean, they make up
820 00:29:49 Oh, Dad, it's...you know...
821 00:29:51 Son, I'm talkingto Bill, here.
822 00:29:52 Are you Bill?Hello, Bill.
823 00:29:53 BILL: [CHUCKLING]It's fine.
824 00:29:55 Everything has- a set price.
825 00:29:57 And then they justtally it up at the
826 00:29:59 put it on my bill,and it's
827 00:30:01 Got it.Okay, got it.
828 00:30:03 Well, Gloria,I would just
829 00:30:04 with somebodywho knows
830 00:30:06 TIGGER:Salvo, please.
831 00:30:07 Please. It wouldbe our pleasure
832 00:30:10 I would love thatand thank you, Tigger.
833 00:30:11 But I think you doway, way, way
834 00:30:14 You're putting usup in your home,
835 00:30:16 that's enough already.We want to at least,
836 00:30:19 - It's not a big deal.- I know it's not
837 00:30:20 Don't makea big deal out
838 00:30:22 Don't worryabout it.
839 00:30:23 So, Gloria,just do me
840 00:30:25 find out how muchit is for the BLT.
841 00:30:27 What didyou get again?
842 00:30:29 - Cobb salad.- BILL: Please. Please,
843 00:30:31 No, we'll takecare of it.
844 00:30:32 It will beso much easier...
845 00:30:33 ...if you justlet them pay.
846 00:30:35 - ...taken care of it.- Dad, let them pay.
847 00:30:38 - Please let them pay.- Just let us pay.
848 00:30:40 - I can't let you pay.- ELLIE: It's so easy.
849 00:30:46 I don't knowwhat you're
850 00:30:48 I mean, I'ma working guy.
851 00:30:50 I like to paymy own way.
852 00:30:52 I don't wantto owe anybody anything.
853 00:30:53 I'm upset becauseyou're supposed
854 00:30:55 to be gettingto know Ellie's family.
855 00:30:56 And instead,you made a big scene.
856 00:30:58 So what? Who cares?These people are strange.
857 00:31:00 Yeah, you thinkthey are.
858 00:31:01 They are strange.Are you kidding me?
859 00:31:03 They wanna takea break from thinking
860 00:31:05 Where I come from,that's called dying.
861 00:31:07 All right, that's...
862 00:31:08 It's a different life.
863 00:31:11 But you stillgotta try.
864 00:31:13 Try...
865 00:31:14 I just don'tknow, Sebastian,
866 00:31:16 I don't knowhow you're
867 00:31:18 It ain't normal. I mean,your mother and me,
868 00:31:19 we didn'traise you
869 00:31:21 Yeah, you raised meto marry an Italian
870 00:31:23 who shoutswhen she's happy,
871 00:31:24 and grows hairin places I didn't
872 00:31:26 So what? That'sa real woman.
873 00:31:28 Your mother was a real woman,
874 00:31:29 who put real foodon the table,
875 00:31:31 not somebodywho refuses
876 00:31:33 All right, Dad,even I have to admit
877 00:31:35 - the crackers were awful.- It's like
878 00:31:37 Yeah. I didn't knowwhether to eat 'em
879 00:31:39 or just walkaround and...
880 00:31:40 [MIMICKINGCHICKEN CLUCKING]
881 00:31:44 Exactly, and you noticehow they try to downplay
882 00:31:46 how fancy it is?
883 00:31:47 Oh, yeah."Excuse me?
884 00:31:48 "I'm looking at this.
885 00:31:50 "Excuse me.I got eyes.
886 00:31:52 They walk around,saying, "Oh, yes.
887 00:31:53 "The house is60,000 square feet,
888 00:31:56 "with 13 bedrooms,
889 00:31:57 "but we like itbecause it's cozy."
890 00:31:59 And then they dothe opposite
891 00:32:01 They make it soundmore important
892 00:32:03 than it really is.
893 00:32:04 It can't just belike a regular chair.
894 00:32:06 It's got to have likea whole back story.
895 00:32:08 - Oh, yeah.- I mean, what...
896 00:32:09 "This is the chairThomas Jefferson sat in
897 00:32:11 "when he signedthe treaty of
898 00:32:13 "Well, the toilet is whereAbe Lincoln took a dump.
899 00:32:16 "There's a plaqueright there."
900 00:32:17 "Oh, do they got a placefor his hat in there, too?"
901 00:32:20 I mean, I don't knowif I'm in a house
902 00:32:21 or I'm in a museum.
903 00:32:24 So, tell us,what's new
904 00:32:26 How's the art?
905 00:32:28 Well, it's, um... Yes?
906 00:32:31 - It's great.- Yes.
907 00:32:32 All my piecesfrom my last show
908 00:32:34 sold out at the opening.I mean...
909 00:32:36 Well, that'ssomething...
910 00:32:38 - ...to crow about.- Yeah, right?
911 00:32:40 So, now thatyou're getting
912 00:32:43 you could probablywork from anywhere.
913 00:32:46 - Mom, stop, no.- Right, sweetie?
914 00:32:49 Sebastian and Ilove living
915 00:32:51 BOTH: Oh.
916 00:32:53 But we misshaving you
917 00:32:55 We really do.- We really do.
918 00:32:57 These cheeksaren't as fun
919 00:32:59 to kisson FaceTime.
920 00:33:00 Oh, my God.I want a cheek, too.
921 00:33:01 Where's my cheek?Where's my cheek?
922 00:33:03 [ELLIE LAUGHING AWKWARDLY]Excuse me. Excuse me.
923 00:33:06 You guys aren't supposedto be talking
924 00:33:08 - during a sound bath.- Oh, God.
925 00:33:09 Oh, of course.Sorry. Sorry, Dougie.
926 00:33:11 No. No, this is... Sorry, sorry, sorry.
927 00:33:12 This is wonderful.
928 00:33:13 Please keepbathing us
929 00:33:16 - Yes.- Go, with
930 00:33:19 Dad, listen. We're herebecause I wanna marry Ellie.
931 00:33:22 So, it don't matterhow it works
932 00:33:24 It works with her.
933 00:33:25 So, come on.Tomorrow, please,
934 00:33:27 can you givethese people
935 00:33:29 Got it. Got it.No problem, no problem.
936 00:33:32 Because at the endof the day, son,
937 00:33:36 - Night cologne?- Yep.
938 00:33:46 Look at this.Pink sheets?
939 00:33:48 SALVO: What?
940 00:33:51 Well, we'rein a dollhouse.
941 00:33:52 [SEBASTIAN CHUCKLES]
942 00:33:56 Mom, Dad,I would love
943 00:33:58 to live closer,you know that.
944 00:34:00 - And?- But...
945 00:34:02 Sebastian hashis dad,
946 00:34:04 - and a great job.- Yeah, working
947 00:34:06 for the damn Hiltons.
948 00:34:08 [WHISPERING]- The Hiltons.
949 00:34:09 Do you still haveto have herpes to work there?
950 00:34:11 The point is... Thank youfor that.
951 00:34:13 ...that he loves it,
952 00:34:16 and I couldn'tjust ask him
953 00:34:19 Sure, but that housethat you guys live in,
954 00:34:21 - it's so cramped.- We prefer "modest."
955 00:34:24 You don't goon vacations.
956 00:34:26 LUCKY: Andall that cologne?
957 00:34:28 They made my chopper smelllike a Nordstrom's.
958 00:34:30 God! I hate it
959 00:34:31 when you guysgang up on me
960 00:34:34 It's not fair!And like it or not,
961 00:34:36 Mom, Dad,
962 00:34:39 and Lucky... Ow!
963 00:34:40 Sebastian and I arevery happy together,
964 00:34:42 and we're stayingin Chicago.
965 00:34:44 I'm sorry, Dougie.
966 00:34:46 Okay. I can't openchakras like this.
967 00:34:48 I'm gonna gocall my girlfriend.
968 00:34:50 - [SOBBING] Oh, no!- It's fine.
969 00:34:52 LUCKY: Oh, shit!
970 00:34:55 Bitcoin's down.
971 00:34:57 [PEACOCK SQUAWKS]
972 00:34:59 Will you look at us?Walking through
973 00:35:00 a gated communityas guests.
974 00:35:04 Not groundskeepers.
975 00:35:05 Yeah. Well,I just hope
976 00:35:07 nothing gets stolenthis weekend,
977 00:35:08 'cause these peoplelove to blame
978 00:35:12 Look at this one.Look at this one.
979 00:35:13 What'd she do?Take the gym
980 00:35:15 - Morning!- Hello.
981 00:35:16 Beautiful day,isn't it?
982 00:35:18 - Beautiful.- Yeah. Yeah.
983 00:35:20 You gotta be kidding me.What the hell's her problem?
984 00:35:22 "Beautiful day."Give me a break.
985 00:35:23 She's happy, Dad.
986 00:35:25 She probably hada father that let her
987 00:35:28 I mean, I can'tstop thinking
988 00:35:29 about how much workI'm missing.
989 00:35:30 I could've donefour dyes
990 00:35:32 Two electric billsI could've paid. Two.[BELL RINGING]
991 00:35:34 - Good morning.- Hello.
992 00:35:37 [MOCKINGLY]"Good morning."
993 00:35:39 What you talking about?She's in a bathrobe.
994 00:35:41 I mean, don'tthese people
995 00:35:43 It's a holiday weekend.
996 00:35:44 Plus, they gottheir money in
997 00:35:46 Not mayonnaise jarsburied in their backyard.
998 00:35:49 Just relax.Come on, Dad.
999 00:35:52 [EXAGGERATING]It's a beautiful day!
1000 00:35:58 [GRUNTS]
1001 00:36:00 [GRUNTS]
1002 00:36:02 SALVO: Back and forth,back and forth.
1003 00:36:04 You play this game?Come on.
1004 00:36:06 The outfits?
1005 00:36:08 The wiveswith their culos
1006 00:36:09 for everybodyto see?
1007 00:36:11 And whenthey hit a ball,
1008 00:36:13 they're havingan orgasm. They're
1009 00:36:15 Come on. The only reasonI agreed to play is
1010 00:36:17 so you could spendsome time with Bill.
1011 00:36:19 So just relaxand do what
1012 00:36:21 Yeah, I am relaxed.
1013 00:36:22 Look, I gotsandals on.
1014 00:36:24 I'm relaxed.
1015 00:36:26 You look likethe guy who killed
1016 00:36:28 Who's that?I don't even
1017 00:36:31 [SIGHS]
1018 00:36:32 TIGGER: So Ellie tells meyou're quite the player.
1019 00:36:34 Yeah, I've takena couple lessons.
1020 00:36:36 Well, get readyto bring it.
1021 00:36:37 I love my family everywhere,
1022 00:36:40 except onthe tennis court.
1023 00:36:42 - Chest-bump!- Oh, wow!
1024 00:36:43 Oh, jeez, that'suncomfortable.
1025 00:36:46 Let's do this.Mom, you ready?
1026 00:36:49 [MOUTHING]
1027 00:36:56 LUCKY: It's timefor tennis, baby!
1028 00:36:57 [LUCKY GRUNTS][HITS BALL]
1029 00:36:59 So, hey, Bill...Yeah?
1030 00:37:01 So how longyou been in the
1031 00:37:03 Oh, yes, well,50 years.
1032 00:37:05 A long time.My whole life. Yeah.
1033 00:37:08 But then it's...
1034 00:37:10 I guess it'sa pretty exciting
1035 00:37:12 I love it. I love it.I got... I got hotel...
1036 00:37:14 I got... I gothotels in
1037 00:37:16 Just likeyou have hair
1038 00:37:18 [BOTH CHUCKLE]Right? I mean...
1039 00:37:19 Yo, Sea Bass.Hope you got on
1040 00:37:22 'Cause here comes the heat.
1041 00:37:24 [GRUNTS]Oh. [GRUNTS]
1042 00:37:26 - LUCKY: Oh, my God!- SEBASTIAN: Sorry.
1043 00:37:29 What the hell wasthat, Sebastian?
1044 00:37:30 Ellie told me you had game.
1045 00:37:32 - Sorry.- BILL: Didn't
1046 00:37:34 I got, uh,kicked out
1047 00:37:35 for playingthe sax. I know,
1048 00:37:37 But my dad,he got mad.
1049 00:37:39 "That's it.You make it
1050 00:37:41 He gave meone hotel. One.
1051 00:37:43 - Wow.- Yeah.
1052 00:37:45 That's- impressive.
1053 00:37:46 [CHUCKLES]
1054 00:37:48 My fathergave me
1055 00:37:50 Next dayit died.
1056 00:37:54 [GRUNTS] Gah!
1057 00:37:56 ♪ Put the macaroniin the pot and cook it ♪
1058 00:37:58 [TRILLING]
1059 00:38:01 What'sthat, Doug?
1060 00:38:03 It's an adultcoloring book.
1061 00:38:08 LUCKY: Hey,man, you wanna
1062 00:38:09 for some more wateror some more
1063 00:38:12 [LAUGHING]
1064 00:38:14 What is going on?
1065 00:38:17 - What?- You love tennis,
1066 00:38:18 and it's likeyou're not even
1067 00:38:20 Come on, it'sjust a game.
1068 00:38:21 Well...[SIGHS]
1069 00:38:22 All right.At least
1070 00:38:24 this stupid- tracksuit.
1071 00:38:25 Leave it on.- Leave it on.
1072 00:38:27 No, I'm cold.I'm cold....your tits off!
1073 00:38:28 You're not cold.
1074 00:38:32 Wait a sec. Are youembarrassed to play
1075 00:38:34 because your dadis watching?
1076 00:38:36 Listen, he's notthe biggest fan
1077 00:38:37 of sports like this.
1078 00:38:38 And I don'treally feel like
1079 00:38:40 and explaining to him
1080 00:38:41 that I'm paying a guyto teach me how to play.
1081 00:38:43 Well, you should knowthat my mother is not
1082 00:38:45 a "big fan"of losing either.
1083 00:38:50 Yeah.[GRUNTS]
1084 00:38:53 Listen, at leastshe stopped
1085 00:38:55 The only breastsI wanna feel in
1086 00:38:58 Not if you lose.
1087 00:39:01 Sebastian,did Ellie
1088 00:39:03 about the guyshe dated,
1089 00:39:04 during her semesterabroad in Scotland?
1090 00:39:07 Is thatAndy-frickin'-Murray?
1091 00:39:09 Never losta match with him
1092 00:39:12 I wonder whathe's up to.
1093 00:39:14 LUCKY: Hey, you know what?I'll play with my weak hand.
1094 00:39:15 That wayyou guys have,
1095 00:39:17 [LAUGHS]
1096 00:39:19 Is that cool, Mom?
1097 00:39:21 SEBASTIAN: Until then,my nightmare had been
1098 00:39:23 letting my fathersee me enjoy this life.
1099 00:39:33 So, much like the kick serve
1100 00:39:35 I learned from a Swedish pronamed Johannes,
1101 00:39:38 this would be the point
1102 00:39:40 of no return.
1103 00:39:42 [CON TE PARTIROBY ANDREA BOCELLI PLAYING]
1104 00:39:45 TIGGER: Ooh!
1105 00:39:58 [STRIKING TENNIS BALL]
1106 00:40:21 Oh, no.
1107 00:40:23 You see this?
1108 00:40:24 [DISTORTED] Crud![DISTORTED] I am calm!
1109 00:40:27 Serve!
1110 00:40:31 This a gameyou can
1111 00:40:34 Not at this level.
1112 00:40:41 BILL: My, my.
1113 00:40:42 Sebastian,he's got game.
1114 00:40:44 You must bevery proud.
1115 00:40:47 [OPERA MUSIC CONTINUES]
1116 00:40:55 [DISTORTED GROANING]
1117 00:41:03 Lucky! Areyou okay?
1118 00:41:05 No, I'm not okay.
1119 00:41:06 [GASPS]So sorry, Luck.
1120 00:41:08 Oh, that's okay, Sebastian.
1121 00:41:11 I'm sure it wasan accident.
1122 00:41:12 ELLIE: Oh, my God.
1123 00:41:13 Quick! Bill!
1124 00:41:15 Get a small cupof ice water
1125 00:41:18 - BILL: Here.- LUCKY: What?
1126 00:41:19 I'm wayahead of you, sweetheart.
1127 00:41:21 - LUCKY: No, no, no. no.- Here, this
1128 00:41:22 - It's not gonna hurt.- Easy, son.
1129 00:41:23 - Nice and cool.- We're gonna cool
1130 00:41:24 my future- grandbabies.
1131 00:41:26 - No, no, no.- No, no, no.
1132 00:41:28 to squeeze one, sweetie...Take these. Hold these.
1133 00:41:29 ...just to feelhow it is?
1134 00:41:30 - LUCKY: Don't touch.- TIGGER: Oh, okay.
1135 00:41:32 SALVO: When didyou learn to play tennis
1136 00:41:33 I took a few lessonsfor Ellie, all right?
1137 00:41:35 It's not that bigof a deal.
1138 00:41:37 So how muchthis cost you?
1139 00:41:38 SEBASTIAN: To allthe immigrant kids watching,
1140 00:41:40 you know whenyou get that question,
1141 00:41:42 you always give themthe parent price.
1142 00:41:44 Uh, $40.
1143 00:41:45 Forty? You'retelling me
1144 00:41:46 you paid the price
1145 00:41:47 of a long hair blowout
1146 00:41:49 for somebodyto teach you
1147 00:41:51 I mean,what am
1148 00:41:53 SEBASTIAN: Now, just imaginehow he'd react if I told him
1149 00:41:55 the actual price was 80.
1150 00:41:57 Next thing I know,you'll be serving me
1151 00:41:59 [MIMICKINGFEEDING A BIRD]
1152 00:42:01 Son, serve methe bird crackers.
1153 00:42:03 It's a hobby, Dad.
1154 00:42:05 A lot of people havethem, all right?
1155 00:42:07 Stop actinglike I'm
1156 00:42:09 Well, it is a cult.
1157 00:42:10 Only insteadof Kool-Aid,
1158 00:42:11 they're serving champagne.
1159 00:42:12 [ALL CHEERING]BILL: Mmm.
1160 00:42:16 Welcome,everyone,
1161 00:42:17 to theS.S. Collins.
1162 00:42:18 Uh, fun fact.I won this boat,
1163 00:42:21 playingbackgammon
1164 00:42:22 with Sir Richard Branson.
1165 00:42:24 So for us,every voyage is
1166 00:42:26 [CHUCKLING]
1167 00:42:28 - Good one, sir.- Thanks.
1168 00:42:29 Now, Bill and Ihave been talking,
1169 00:42:31 and we weregoing to wait
1170 00:42:33 until the weekendto do this,
1171 00:42:35 but, um,now we're just
1172 00:42:37 All right.Uh, Sebastian,
1173 00:42:39 as a lifelong hotelier,
1174 00:42:42 and the fatherof the most
1175 00:42:44 in the world... I love you.
1176 00:42:46 ...I have to say,it just killed me...
1177 00:42:48 killed...Kills us.
1178 00:42:50 We are dead,
1179 00:42:51 thinking thatyou are working
1180 00:42:54 for our biggest competitor.
1181 00:42:55 So... Go on.
1182 00:42:57 Shall I?Yes.
1183 00:42:58 - Right now?- Please do.
1184 00:43:00 - BILL: Okay.- Daddy,
1185 00:43:01 On behalfof the Collins
1186 00:43:05 I would love youto join our side
1187 00:43:07 and becomethe new face
1188 00:43:09 of the luxuriousfive-star experience,
1189 00:43:12 that is...drum roll,
1190 00:43:14 [VOCALIZINGDRUM ROLL]
1191 00:43:16 The Barrymore Hotel.
1192 00:43:18 Go on. Yeah.[ELLIE ANDTIGGER GASP]
1193 00:43:19 [TIGGER CHEERING]Not kidding.
1194 00:43:20 SEBASTIAN: What?Are you serious?
1195 00:43:22 BILL: Not kidding.Very serious.
1196 00:43:23 SEBASTIAN: This isyour signature property.
1197 00:43:25 The mostprestigious hotel
1198 00:43:26 Yeah,it better be.
1199 00:43:28 $240 millionrestoring it.
1200 00:43:30 Uh, Dad, I thoughtyou were saving
1201 00:43:33 We regularly drug test.
1202 00:43:34 Oh. Okay then.
1203 00:43:36 Mom, Dad,this is
1204 00:43:39 TIGGER: Wewouldn't do this
1205 00:43:40 if we didn't thinkhe was perfect
1206 00:43:43 Come on, let'sgo get some
1207 00:43:45 - Let's take a look.- I mean...
1208 00:43:46 Let's takea look at...
1209 00:43:47 ...what you're... I can'tbelieve this.
1210 00:43:48 ...going to bethe new manager of.
1211 00:43:49 Now this wasbuilt in 1896.
1212 00:43:51 It's been completely restored,
1213 00:43:53 down to the dingsand the doorknobs.
1214 00:43:55 [BOTH CHUCKLING]
1215 00:43:57 BILL: Take a look.No, they're all... Everything.
1216 00:43:59 Hey, uh, Doug,what are you doing?
1217 00:44:02 Just gettingthe blood flowing.
1218 00:44:05 Your face isgetting a little red.
1219 00:44:07 Yeah, I... I feel dizzy.
1220 00:44:10 Yeah, me, too.
1221 00:44:11 Oh, that's theJackie Onassis boardroom.
1222 00:44:14 She was never there,but we wish she would
1223 00:44:16 [BOTH CHUCKLING]
1224 00:44:17 This paintingin the lobby
1225 00:44:20 Yes, we... There's art.Oh, we have... Yes.
1226 00:44:23 This paintingin the board room.
1227 00:44:25 Yeah, there'sa painting.
1228 00:44:27 Wait a minute.Did you buy
1229 00:44:29 - Does she know?- We bought a few
1230 00:44:32 through this designerthat we know,
1231 00:44:33 it's no big deal.
1232 00:44:35 We're supportingour baby's dream.
1233 00:44:38 Let's close this.[TIGGER CHUCKLING]
1234 00:44:41 A little champagne.
1235 00:44:42 Oh, good.I'll have some.
1236 00:44:44 ELLIE: Excuse me, Daddy.
1237 00:44:47 So, what areyou thinking?
1238 00:44:49 Yeah, well, Bill,that's a very
1239 00:44:51 but Sebastianobviously has to
1240 00:44:54 Right?
1241 00:44:55 Yeah.Absolutely, Dad. Yeah.
1242 00:44:56 Of course.This would be
1243 00:44:59 a big movefor everyone,
1244 00:45:00 so please,take your time.
1245 00:45:03 - Talk it over.- Right.
1246 00:45:04 And then tell uswhat day to send
1247 00:45:06 [TIGGER LAUGHING]
1248 00:45:08 Dad.[ALL LAUGHING]
1249 00:45:10 Oh, this isso cool!
1250 00:45:13 Hey, asa possible member
1251 00:45:14 of our, um,family company,
1252 00:45:17 how about we celebrate witha little jet-booting, huh?
1253 00:45:19 Oh, that soundsgreat, man.
1254 00:45:21 What's jet-booting?
1255 00:45:24 Whoo! Whoa!
1256 00:45:27 This is amazing, Lucky!
1257 00:45:29 All right! Look at you.
1258 00:45:30 Baby, you're doing so good!
1259 00:45:33 I feel like I'm flying! Whoa!
1260 00:45:35 - Use your core!- I'm actually smiling.
1261 00:45:37 [ELLIE CHEERING]This smile is real.
1262 00:45:39 [ELLIE CHEERING]
1263 00:45:41 Salvo, wouldyou like
1264 00:45:42 to borrow someswim trunks?
1265 00:45:44 We havea hot tub upstairs.
1266 00:45:45 I'm fine.I'm trying
1267 00:45:47 - Oh.- Make sure
1268 00:45:50 Hey... [SIGHS]
1269 00:45:52 I just wantedto thank you
1270 00:45:53 for lookingafter Ellie
1271 00:45:57 We feel so luckyshe's met your son.
1272 00:45:59 Well, he's a good kid. Thanks.
1273 00:46:01 [FAINTLY] I'm kingof the world!
1274 00:46:02 [CHUCKLES]Always out making
1275 00:46:04 [LAUGHING]
1276 00:46:07 I knowyou guys are close,
1277 00:46:09 so if they doend up in D.C.,
1278 00:46:12 I promise we willtake good care of him.
1279 00:46:15 Honestly, I wouldn'tget your hopes up.
1280 00:46:17 I can't imagine Sebastianever leaving Chicago or me.
1281 00:46:19 'Cause I'mthe only family
1282 00:46:22 I used to saythe same thing
1283 00:46:28 Hey, Dad!Check it out!
1284 00:46:34 Look at that.He's very athletic.
1285 00:46:37 SEBASTIAN: Dad!
1286 00:46:38 Yeah, he gets itfrom my side.
1287 00:46:39 Whoa!
1288 00:46:42 Whoo-hoo!
1289 00:46:43 Look at this!
1290 00:46:46 - Oh, my gosh!- Oh, shit!
1291 00:46:48 [LAUGHING]
1292 00:46:49 Sebastian,- your suit!
1293 00:46:51 Do you like it?
1294 00:46:52 No, you moron!It's not up!
1295 00:46:54 - Look down!- SEBASTIAN: Oh, God!
1296 00:46:56 Hey, Bubba Gump! Nice shrimp!
1297 00:46:59 SEBASTIAN:I can't get it. Whoa!
1298 00:47:01 Oh!
1299 00:47:02 LUCKY: Whoa! You good, man?
1300 00:47:03 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1301 00:47:05 [IN ENGLISH]What's the matter
1302 00:47:06 Pull up your pants!
1303 00:47:08 SEBASTIAN: I can't reach it.
1304 00:47:09 Hey, what the helldo I do? [GRUNTS]
1305 00:47:12 Son, your sailis at half-mast.
1306 00:47:14 Oh, no, no, uh,it looks like
1307 00:47:17 SEBASTIAN: Oh, no!
1308 00:47:19 [YELLING]
1309 00:47:20 [THUDS]
1310 00:47:21 [GLASS SQUEAKING]SALVO: Sebastian!
1311 00:47:23 BILL: No, no.Okay, don't... TIGGER: No!
1312 00:47:24 - Stay down!- No, no. No.
1313 00:47:26 Stay down.Stay down.
1314 00:47:27 - Okay. Okay.- God!
1315 00:47:29 All right,that is not appropriate.
1316 00:47:30 - TIGGER: I'm going to be sick.- BILL: No, it's...
1317 00:47:33 Honey, my momcan't unsee that.
1318 00:47:37 LUCKY: Hey, Sea Bass!Say hi to TikTok.
1319 00:47:45 Dad, whatthe hell you doing?
1320 00:47:47 Packing.
1321 00:47:48 I'm going backto Chicago
1322 00:47:50 What, are you crazy?We're not leaving.
1323 00:47:52 You didn't evengive me the ring yet.
1324 00:47:53 Trust me.What I saw today,
1325 00:47:55 you don't come back from.
1326 00:47:57 Oh, stop beingso dramatic.
1327 00:47:59 It was from far away.
1328 00:48:00 Nobody saw much.
1329 00:48:01 Yeah, that's for sure.
1330 00:48:03 Look, I knowI haven't seen
1331 00:48:05 since the delivery room,but is it possible
1332 00:48:07 your pisellino hasn'teven grown since then?
1333 00:48:09 Would you putthe suitcase away?
1334 00:48:11 No, I'm gonnabring you home,
1335 00:48:12 set you upwith some
1336 00:48:14 help youstart over fresh.
1337 00:48:15 And I even gota nice new
1338 00:48:17 Dad, I'm in love with Ellie.That wouldn't change
1339 00:48:19 if I accidentally showedmy balls to the entire world.
1340 00:48:22 Oh, is that whatyou got planned
1341 00:48:23 Son, you gottastop pretending
1342 00:48:25 that you fit inwith these people,
1343 00:48:27 I'm not pretending.
1344 00:48:29 Are you serious?I mean, every time
1345 00:48:31 you make a fool of yourself.
1346 00:48:32 Because you raised me
1347 00:48:33 to be afraidof trying anything new.
1348 00:48:36 I mean, God.Dad, listen,
1349 00:48:38 I honestly...I was nervous
1350 00:48:40 'Cause I knewyou would just
1351 00:48:42 and judgewith your black shirt,
1352 00:48:44 your zipper purse,
1353 00:48:45 your resting bitch face.
1354 00:48:46 Hey, I don't haveresting bitch face.
1355 00:48:48 We look likeItalian gargoyles.
1356 00:48:50 You looklike you're
1357 00:48:51 the entire neighborhood.
1358 00:48:53 You know whatyour problem is?
1359 00:48:55 You're so negative,you can't let yourself
1360 00:48:58 so you think I can't either.
1361 00:49:00 Dad, Ellie is my future.
1362 00:49:04 And I'm gonna keepan open mind
1363 00:49:07 Whoa, whoa. What doyou mean, everything?
1364 00:49:09 - Even the job offer?- Maybe.
1365 00:49:12 It's a pretty good one.
1366 00:49:15 Unbelievable.
1367 00:49:17 Unbelievable.
1368 00:49:18 [DRAWER CLOSES]
1369 00:49:20 Unbelievable.
1370 00:49:22 [SIGHS]
1371 00:49:25 First, your mother istaken away from me.
1372 00:49:27 Now you wanna leave.
1373 00:49:29 I'm not leaving you, Dad.
1374 00:49:31 Ellie's the best thingthat ever happened to me.
1375 00:49:34 And whenI get married, not if,
1376 00:49:36 her family is going to bea big part of the package.
1377 00:49:40 Now, I want youto be a part of my life.
1378 00:49:43 But if that's gonna happen,you gotta give me some effort.
1379 00:49:45 I wanna seethe Salvo at the salon
1380 00:49:49 that everybody loves.
1381 00:49:51 And if I don't,I got no choice
1382 00:49:52 but to leave you behind.
1383 00:49:59 I don't know.How can you say that?
1384 00:50:02 How could you say thatto your father?
1385 00:50:07 You got no respectfor your family.
1386 00:50:10 I got enough respect to knowwe could go to bed angry
1387 00:50:14 but not stinky.Come on.
1388 00:50:18 Now, come on,let's do our
1389 00:50:27 I miss you, and I wishyou were here for
1390 00:50:30 So many reasons, just...
1391 00:50:32 For one, just tell me,am I being an asshole?
1392 00:50:35 Are we really doingthe right thing
1393 00:50:38 Just give mesome kind of sign, something.
1394 00:50:42 Please?
1395 00:50:43 Just let me knowwhat you think.
1396 00:50:45 I... I...
1397 00:50:47 Give me some sign, honey.
1398 00:50:49 [LEAVES RUSTLING][PEACOCK SQUAWKING]
1399 00:50:52 [FLUTE PLAYING]
1400 00:51:08 I love you.
1401 00:51:09 [FLUTE PLAYINGFOLK TUNE]
1402 00:51:12 - Hello.- What are you doing?
1403 00:51:14 I was just serenadingthe peacocks. [CHUCKLES]
1404 00:51:17 Oh.
1405 00:51:21 Would you beopen enough
1406 00:51:23 to doinga healing session
1407 00:51:26 A healing session?
1408 00:51:27 It'll bevery beneficial for you.
1409 00:51:31 Well, that's a nice offer,
1410 00:51:32 but I don't knowif I even know
1411 00:51:33 what you're talking about.
1412 00:51:35 Well, just startby shutting your eyes,
1413 00:51:39 and then, really,just focus
1414 00:51:40 on your breathing.
1415 00:51:42 In your nose.
1416 00:51:44 Out your nose.
1417 00:51:46 And if you can,
1418 00:51:48 really try to connectto that little Salvo,
1419 00:51:52 that was afraidwhen you were young.
1420 00:51:56 I don't even knowwhere he is anymore.
1421 00:51:58 That's so long ago.
1422 00:52:00 You know, I'm in another...I'm in another life.
1423 00:52:04 Let me help youfind him, okay?
1424 00:52:07 Just stay with your breath.
1425 00:52:10 [PLAYING FOLK TUNE]
1426 00:52:16 - Heal, little Salvo.- Okay, I feel better.
1427 00:52:18 [STOPS PLAYING]
1428 00:52:20 - You do?- Mmm-hmm.
1429 00:52:21 - Yeah. Thanks.- Okay.
1430 00:52:23 I'm gonnago to sleep. Okay.
1431 00:52:24 - Thank you.- Good night.
1432 00:52:26 Good night.Good night, Doug.
1433 00:52:27 I'm gladI could help.
1434 00:52:29 Thank you.Big help.
1435 00:52:31 [PEACOCK SQUAWKINGIN DISTANCE]
1436 00:52:33 SEBASTIAN: Yesterday wasa day of regrettable firsts.
1437 00:52:36 I yelled at my father
1438 00:52:37 and I showed my ballsto my future in-laws.
1439 00:52:40 But who knows?
1440 00:52:42 Maybe everybody forgot?
1441 00:52:44 Well, there'sthe big swimmer.
1442 00:52:46 Hey, did yousee the full moon
1443 00:52:48 Okay. Just... I'm talking aboutyour butt.
1444 00:52:50 BILL: All right.Ignore him.
1445 00:52:51 His butt cheeks- are the full moon.
1446 00:52:53 Um, how youdoing, kiddo?
1447 00:52:56 - I'm all right.- BILL: Good.
1448 00:52:58 - Have you seen my dad?- BILL: Yes.
1449 00:52:59 He is outtaking a walk
1450 00:53:01 with Ellie, Dougand Tigger.
1451 00:53:02 - A walk?- BILL: Yes, he was...
1452 00:53:04 he was...Well, here.
1453 00:53:05 - Speak of the devil.- SALVO: So I says to him...
1454 00:53:06 I says, "Why would Ibuy you a skateboard
1455 00:53:08 "when I can build you one?"
1456 00:53:09 Holy Mother of God.
1457 00:53:13 Sleepy head,I was just
1458 00:53:14 about the timeI gave you
1459 00:53:15 for Christmas.You remember that?
1460 00:53:16 Ah, I rememberthat. Yeah.
1461 00:53:18 What timedid you get up
1462 00:53:19 I got up early.I didn't want
1463 00:53:21 so I snuck out,
1464 00:53:22 did my laundry,watched TV,
1465 00:53:24 fixed oneof their bannisters,
1466 00:53:26 reorganizedthe spice rack.
1467 00:53:27 Then whenthe sun came up,
1468 00:53:28 I started making breakfast.
1469 00:53:30 Then I wentfor a walk to get
1470 00:53:32 Good people,these Collins.
1471 00:53:33 Good people.Even the commie.
1472 00:53:35 Oh, I'ma socialist.
1473 00:53:37 Well, whateveryou say,
1474 00:53:38 [CHUCKLES]Oh, that's funny.
1475 00:53:42 [SOFTLY] Get over here.
1476 00:53:44 - What the hell's going on?- What do you mean,
1477 00:53:46 I'm doing whatyou asked me to do.
1478 00:53:48 Making an effort,like you asked.
1479 00:53:49 Okay. No, I appreciate it.But Jesus, the shorts.
1480 00:53:52 Yeah. So what?
1481 00:53:53 I've never seenyour legs before.
1482 00:53:54 [HESITATES]Yeah, you haven't.
1483 00:53:56 That's right.They're not
1484 00:53:57 They look likepretzel sticks
1485 00:53:58 Don't blame me.This is what
1486 00:54:00 these peoplegave me,
1487 00:54:01 What can I tell you?I want to join the fun.
1488 00:54:04 And I feel great,and I can't wait
1489 00:54:06 to see what theuniverse suggests
1490 00:54:07 after I openedmy eyes.
1491 00:54:09 We dida healing session together.
1492 00:54:11 Yeah. Little Salvo'snot afraid anymore.
1493 00:54:14 - Little Salvo?- Yeah.
1494 00:54:16 TIGGER: I hopeeveryone's ready
1495 00:54:17 for Family Fun Day.
1496 00:54:19 BILL: I am. I am.
1497 00:54:20 SEBASTIAN: Oh,what's Family Fun Day?
1498 00:54:22 What? [CHUCKLES]What, are you dense?
1499 00:54:23 Everything youneed to know
1500 00:54:25 - Duh!- Duh!
1501 00:54:26 Okay.BOTH: Salud!
1502 00:54:28 [WHISPERS]What the hell
1503 00:54:29 ELLIE: It's a big4th of July tradition.
1504 00:54:30 There's relay races,and croquet,
1505 00:54:32 and face painting,
1506 00:54:34 and a hot dogeating contest.
1507 00:54:35 It's just a lot of fun.
1508 00:54:38 [CROWD CHEERING]
1509 00:54:43 SEBASTIAN: I knowI'd asked the man
1510 00:54:44 to start making an effort,
1511 00:54:45 but this was crazy.
1512 00:54:47 I felt likeI created a monster.
1513 00:54:49 Except insteadof looking scary,
1514 00:54:51 he was smiling, playing games,
1515 00:54:55 dressing likethe American flag.
1516 00:54:57 All right!
1517 00:54:58 The Maniscalcos.
1518 00:55:00 What's yourangle here?
1519 00:55:02 I'm with my family.
1520 00:55:04 Say, "Fireworks."
1521 00:55:05 - Fireworks.- Chee... Say firework.
1522 00:55:09 [ALL CHEERING, CLAPPING]
1523 00:55:11 It's like bocce with sticks.
1524 00:55:12 [ALL LAUGHING]
1525 00:55:15 All right.You wanna
1526 00:55:18 - Nice.- Right?
1527 00:55:20 And the winnerof this year's
1528 00:55:22 4th of Julyhot dog eating
1529 00:55:25 Salvo Manisculo!
1530 00:55:28 [ALL CHEERING]
1531 00:55:35 SEBASTIAN: My father washaving a great time,
1532 00:55:37 and suddenly, I was the onewho was uncomfortable.
1533 00:55:40 I wanted himto make an effort,
1534 00:55:42 not changewho he was completely.
1535 00:55:48 SEBASTIAN: There he is.[DOOR CLOSES]
1536 00:55:49 The MVP.
1537 00:55:51 What are you doing?Checking out
1538 00:55:53 I just figured outhow these people
1539 00:55:55 They do everythingon the cheap.
1540 00:55:56 [TAPPING]Hear that? Plastic.
1541 00:56:00 Huh.
1542 00:56:01 Just enjoy it,will you, please?
1543 00:56:03 I mean, you kickedsome ass out there today,
1544 00:56:05 and I think these peopleare starting to like you.
1545 00:56:06 Yeah. Yeah. Come on.They're just being polite.
1546 00:56:08 I'm serious.
1547 00:56:09 Bill even hasa signature scent now.
1548 00:56:12 Oh, yeah?What brand?
1549 00:56:15 - He won't divulge?- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
1550 00:56:16 - Salvo.- SALVO: I wanna smell that.
1551 00:56:18 Oh, my God.I've been looking
1552 00:56:20 Um, so,my mom just
1553 00:56:22 to be on MSNBCin two hours.
1554 00:56:24 - That's great.- Yes.
1555 00:56:25 Well, it wouldbe, but Tyler,
1556 00:56:27 well, he'sin Sedona,
1557 00:56:29 and I haveno one to do
1558 00:56:31 So we were thinking
1559 00:56:32 maybe you couldhelp her out.
1560 00:56:34 I mean, that's likeasking Van Gogh
1561 00:56:35 to draw a smiley face.
1562 00:56:37 - ELLIE: Yes!- TIGGER: Great!
1563 00:56:39 [RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING]TIGGER: Mmm.
1564 00:56:43 I'd be lying to youif I told you
1565 00:56:44 I didn't have my eyeson your lustrous mane
1566 00:56:47 It's nice to finally getmy hands up in here.
1567 00:56:50 Hmm. I amvery grateful.
1568 00:56:53 Ah.
1569 00:56:55 Are those cigars?
1570 00:56:58 Yeah.
1571 00:57:01 Can I have one?
1572 00:57:03 Oh, boy.
1573 00:57:04 This day justkeeps getting
1574 00:57:06 Of course,you can have one.
1575 00:57:07 Be my guest.
1576 00:57:11 Oh!
1577 00:57:14 Only the best.Can I have one?
1578 00:57:15 Oh, pleasejoin me.
1579 00:57:17 Okay.
1580 00:57:19 [SNIFFS]
1581 00:57:22 Fine.[LIGHTER CLICKS]
1582 00:57:30 Mmm.
1583 00:57:35 You know,I never met
1584 00:57:36 who smokescigars before.
1585 00:57:39 I got hookedin the Navy.
1586 00:57:42 - You're military?- Mmm-hmm.
1587 00:57:44 I thought you went to oneof those Ivy places.
1588 00:57:46 I enlistedafter graduation.
1589 00:57:50 I just felta duty to
1590 00:57:52 But mostly, I did itto piss off my parents.
1591 00:57:56 You?
1592 00:57:58 Army.
1593 00:57:59 Combat?
1594 00:58:00 - Cook.- Ah!
1595 00:58:02 Well, happy 4th to you.
1596 00:58:04 You, too. Salud.
1597 00:58:07 It's nice to haveanother actual vet
1598 00:58:08 out here to celebrate.
1599 00:58:13 Oh!
1600 00:58:23 [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1601 00:58:29 ELLIE: [WHISPERS] Hey.
1602 00:58:31 [WHISPERING]- How's it going?
1603 00:58:32 So they're eithergetting along,
1604 00:58:34 or they'requietly stabbing
1605 00:58:37 Listen, I havegreat news.
1606 00:58:39 - What's up?- Okay. So,
1607 00:58:41 that bought all my work,they've already
1608 00:58:43 They can't say wherefor privacy reasons,
1609 00:58:45 but it probably meansthat they're gonna
1610 00:58:47 - That's great!- Isn't it? [GASPS]
1611 00:58:49 Wait. Why isyour voice going up?
1612 00:58:51 Why does your facelook like that?
1613 00:58:52 What's going on?
1614 00:58:54 Listen, babe,
1615 00:58:55 I...[TIGGER SCREAMING]
1616 00:58:58 SALVO: Voila.[GASPS]
1617 00:58:59 [SEBASTIAN EXCLAIMSIN SURPRISE]
1618 00:59:01 Oh, what...What is this? What...
1619 00:59:05 This isn't at allwhat I asked
1620 00:59:08 Well, yeah.You see, I don't
1621 00:59:11 The way I work is,I look at your face,
1622 00:59:13 I get a senseof your aura,
1623 00:59:16 then I let thatdictate the style
1624 00:59:17 that your personality demands.
1625 00:59:19 I am aboutto go on television,
1626 00:59:22 and I just...I just wanted to
1627 00:59:24 [GASPS] Oh!
1628 00:59:26 [WHIMPERING] Bill,do I look horrible?
1629 00:59:29 - No, no, no.- TIGGER: No?
1630 00:59:31 It is nothorrible. It's...
1631 00:59:32 - Ellie?- Um, I just
1632 00:59:35 - I don't know what it is.- Dad, couldn't
1633 00:59:38 the aura crap,and give her
1634 00:59:40 Whoa! That's likeasking Caravaggio
1635 00:59:41 and retouch upthe beheading
1636 00:59:43 - The what a... Who?- I don't do that.
1637 00:59:44 Can we, as a family,please force Doug
1638 00:59:46 to stop wearingthat organic de...
1639 00:59:48 Holy shit, Mom!
1640 00:59:50 Oh.
1641 00:59:51 Why do you havethe exact same
1642 00:59:53 - That's it.- Oh, my God.
1643 00:59:55 - I don't think so.- LUCKY: You
1644 00:59:56 those weirdboy-girl twins
1645 00:59:57 that, like,just dress
1646 00:59:59 Salvo, how couldyou do this to me?
1647 01:00:00 Wait, wait, wait.First of all,
1648 01:00:03 I was doing anything.
1649 01:00:04 I mean, to me,you look powerful, gorgeous.
1650 01:00:06 You look,dare I even
1651 01:00:10 Well, I amsupposed to go
1652 01:00:11 on TVin 10 minutes,
1653 01:00:12 and you have made me looklike a bitter old Italian man!
1654 01:00:16 Everybody,please, get out.
1655 01:00:18 Go, go, go,go, go. Sweetheart.
1656 01:00:20 Mommy,maybe you...
1657 01:00:23 With all duerespect, Chris,
1658 01:00:25 the existing policyhas been working
1659 01:00:28 Why change now?
1660 01:00:30 Ah, she's kicking ass.
1661 01:00:32 She's pretty muchtalking about you.
1662 01:00:33 Oh, stop being so dramatic.
1663 01:00:35 You don'tjust make
1664 01:00:37 based on instincts.
1665 01:00:39 You've gotta listen
1666 01:00:41 to the peopleyou're servicing,
1667 01:00:42 or someone'sgonna end
1668 01:00:45 CHRIS: All right.Yeah. Well, okay.
1669 01:00:46 Maybe you got a point.CHRIS: Uh,
1670 01:00:48 I'm actually...I'm very sorry...
1671 01:00:49 Sorry to cutyou short.
1672 01:00:52 Did you say"cut me short"?
1673 01:00:54 Is that some kindof sick joke,
1674 01:00:58 Uh, as you can see,
1675 01:00:59 uh, verystrong feelings,
1676 01:01:01 uh, coming out of this story.
1677 01:01:03 We're gonna continue to followits developments for you.
1678 01:01:05 Listen, when this is all over,you better apologize.
1679 01:01:08 Apologize?For what?
1680 01:01:09 For what?She wanted
1681 01:01:11 You made her looklike David Bowie.
1682 01:01:12 What? Are youkidding me?
1683 01:01:14 that was veryage appropriate
1684 01:01:15 and dignified.She should
1685 01:01:18 I wouldn't holdmy breath, Salvo.
1686 01:01:19 Oh, is she really pissed off?
1687 01:01:21 When I left,
1688 01:01:22 she was googlinghomemade poisons.
1689 01:01:24 I don't knowif it was for Salvo
1690 01:01:26 - Oh.- I don't get it.
1691 01:01:28 Most women would be honoredto have their hair done
1692 01:01:30 by East Chicago's three-timeHair Stylist of the Year.
1693 01:01:33 That was in the 80's.
1694 01:01:35 The 80's. So what?That's the golden age
1695 01:01:37 [ELLIE ANDSEBASTIAN GROAN]
1696 01:01:41 Hi, Mom.
1697 01:01:42 Would you gotalk to her?
1698 01:01:44 What amI going to say?
1699 01:01:45 Just say something,all right?
1700 01:01:47 Hey, uh, Tig.
1701 01:01:49 Tig? Uh...
1702 01:01:51 Tigger. Tigger,I just want
1703 01:01:53 to sayyou looked
1704 01:01:55 up thereon the box.
1705 01:01:56 Really, really.Very, very dignified.
1706 01:01:58 "On the box?"
1707 01:02:00 Get on your feet,and go over there.
1708 01:02:03 - All right?- All right.
1709 01:02:05 [CLEARS THROAT]Uh, Tig, uh...
1710 01:02:07 I just wanna...
1711 01:02:10 tell you I'm sorry
1712 01:02:11 for giving youa very high-quality hairdo
1713 01:02:14 without your permission.
1714 01:02:17 I heard the word "sorry."
1715 01:02:19 But then you followed it up
1716 01:02:21 with a complimentto yourself.
1717 01:02:23 Well, if I'm beinghonest, I never
1718 01:02:25 to anybody else before.
1719 01:02:27 So I really think
1720 01:02:29 your aura commandsthe respect
1721 01:02:30 that I typicallyonly reserve for myself.
1722 01:02:32 So I am sorrythat I, you know,
1723 01:02:35 didn't do exactlywhat you asked for.
1724 01:02:38 Thanks.
1725 01:02:49 You know?Hey, you know what?
1726 01:02:50 Let... Let me make
1727 01:02:52 an offer. I wouldlove to make
1728 01:02:54 a full Italian dinnerfor everybody.
1729 01:02:57 - That sounds so nice.- How about that?
1730 01:02:59 And alsoas a thank you,
1731 01:03:00 and with great appreciation,
1732 01:03:02 for letting us stayin this beautiful home.
1733 01:03:04 That won't be necessary.
1734 01:03:06 We don't keepa lot of food here
1735 01:03:08 and the markets areclosed for the holiday.
1736 01:03:10 Don't worry.
1737 01:03:12 A Maniscalcoalways finds a way
1738 01:03:14 to feedhis family, right?
1739 01:03:15 Yep. You got it.
1740 01:03:17 I think it'sa wonderful idea.
1741 01:03:18 I mean, if you looklike an Italian man,
1742 01:03:20 why not eat like one,huh? [CHUCKLING]
1743 01:03:22 No, I mean,if you...
1744 01:03:24 TIGGER:Shut up, Bill.
1745 01:03:25 I'll be sleepingon the couch tonight.
1746 01:03:28 [GUARDA COME DONDOLOBY EDOARDO VIANELLO PLAYING]
1747 01:03:35 SEBASTIAN:Everybody likes to talk
1748 01:03:36 about how badsocial media is.
1749 01:03:44 But in this case,
1750 01:03:45 it really worked outfor my dad.
1751 01:03:47 Senator Tigger MacArthuris going viral today,
1752 01:03:50 and for the first time,for all the right reasons.
1753 01:03:53 This new haircutis giving me like...
1754 01:03:55 G.I. Jane two monthsout of boot camp.
1755 01:03:57 It's giving megender fluidity.
1756 01:03:58 It's giving me fresh,hot, gorgeous.
1757 01:04:00 Whoever did that haircut,
1758 01:04:03 America thanks you. Ah!
1759 01:04:06 SEBASTIAN: Now thatTigger's approval rating
1760 01:04:08 she was happy to letmy dad back under hers.
1761 01:04:11 [MOUTH FULL]So good.
1762 01:04:15 I can't believe
1763 01:04:16 that you putthis all together
1764 01:04:18 from what we havein the kitchen.
1765 01:04:19 My guess is he raidedthe kitchen over at The Shack.
1766 01:04:22 So, you might wanna call
1767 01:04:24 Gloria over there,see if you got
1768 01:04:26 Mmm, mmm.
1769 01:04:28 [MOUTH FULL]What do you call
1770 01:04:29 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1771 01:04:31 [BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1772 01:04:35 [IN ENGLISH]It is delicious.
1773 01:04:36 I'm going for seconds.Don't tell my trainer.
1774 01:04:38 It's really good.I just wish you hadn't used
1775 01:04:41 Well, you know,I used your bowls, Doug,
1776 01:04:43 because I wantedto add a special
1777 01:04:46 spiritual reverberationto the meal.
1778 01:04:49 So, that's why,- you know?
1779 01:04:52 - Yeah.- So, thank you
1780 01:04:53 for that- contribution.
1781 01:04:55 Salvo, it's delicious.[MOUTH FULL]Delicious.
1782 01:04:57 Listen, given everythingyou're doing for my son,
1783 01:04:59 this is the leastI can do. Oh.
1784 01:05:00 And I just wannasay something that
1785 01:05:04 my father used to say.
1786 01:05:06 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1787 01:05:09 [IN ENGLISH]The translation is,
1788 01:05:10 "The family isn'tjust one important thing,
1789 01:05:12 "it's everything."
1790 01:05:14 And I liketo toast to that.
1791 01:05:16 Salud!ALL: Salud!
1792 01:05:18 ELLIE: To everything. Salud.
1793 01:05:20 - Cheers, everybody.- BILL: Well said.
1794 01:05:22 [WOMEN EXCLAIMING]Watch it, watch it.
1795 01:05:23 Oh, collision!
1796 01:05:25 - BILL: Cut him off.- Time for some
1797 01:05:27 - ELLIE: Oh, yes.- When in Rome.
1798 01:05:29 Because,you know,
1799 01:05:30 you guysare Italian.
1800 01:05:31 [ALL LAUGHING]
1801 01:05:33 You got a problem- with Italians, Bill?
1802 01:05:36 [STUTTERINGNERVOUSLY]
1803 01:05:41 [ALL LAUGHING]Who got you?
1804 01:05:44 I thought he wasserious. [CHUCKLES]
1805 01:05:48 [BOTTLE CLANKS ON COUNTER]
1806 01:05:57 [SOFTLY]What's this?
1807 01:05:58 You know, just...[UNZIPS ZIPPER]
1808 01:06:00 ...the sexiest wayI can think of
1809 01:06:01 to say thank you.
1810 01:06:03 Here? Are youkidding me?
1811 01:06:04 They're inthe next room.
1812 01:06:05 You knowI'm a screamer.
1813 01:06:07 Just comeover here.
1814 01:06:12 Oh! Oh, yeah.
1815 01:06:16 [SEBASTIAN MOANS]
1816 01:06:17 [ELLIE MOANS]
1817 01:06:20 [SEBASTIAN SPEAKING ITALIAN]Hmm?
1818 01:06:22 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1819 01:06:23 - ELLIE: What, baby? What?- Oh, we got
1820 01:06:25 - I'm getting eaten alive.- What? What are
1821 01:06:27 - I saw a raccoon.- Is that a safe word?
1822 01:06:28 There's raccoons everywhere.Raccoon?
1823 01:06:29 - Yeah.- Where? What raccoon?
1824 01:06:31 SEBASTIAN: There's- some wildlife.
1825 01:06:33 BILL: [DISTORTED] Mmm.
1826 01:06:35 SEBASTIAN: Seeingmy future in-laws eat
1827 01:06:37 their family pet isis as close to an acid trip
1828 01:06:41 as I ever wanna be.
1829 01:06:43 [DISTORTED]Here comes the airplane.
1830 01:06:44 [LUCKY MIMICS ENGINE WHIRRING]
1831 01:06:46 Ah, no!
1832 01:06:48 [DISTORTED]This Italian food's
1833 01:06:51 [MIMICS CHICKEN CLUCKING]
1834 01:06:52 [SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1835 01:06:59 SEBASTIAN: This was proofthe man was diabolical.
1836 01:07:03 I murdered Sergeant Feathers.
1837 01:07:06 [SCREAMS]
1838 01:07:12 I can't believe
1839 01:07:14 you fed 'ema peacock.
1840 01:07:15 How couldyou do this?
1841 01:07:17 My recipe called for chicken.All the stores were closed.
1842 01:07:19 So what does a great chef do?He improvises.
1843 01:07:21 By murderingtheir beloved mascot?
1844 01:07:23 They still gotthree left. Are
1845 01:07:25 Where we come from,it's called,
1846 01:07:27 "You gotta do what you gottado to feed the family."
1847 01:07:28 It's calledthe peasant mentality.
1848 01:07:30 Look around, Dad.
1849 01:07:31 These peoplearen't peasants.
1850 01:07:32 And you thoughtI was crazy
1851 01:07:34 for worryingthat you were gonna
1852 01:07:35 make us look likesome bad Italian stereotype?
1853 01:07:37 Come on. You knowI'm not doing that.
1854 01:07:39 Are you blind? Look at...
1855 01:07:41 We arein the woods
1856 01:07:43 in the middleof the night
1857 01:07:44 trying to get ridof a freakin' body.
1858 01:07:46 That's right.
1859 01:07:48 To help me getrid of the evidence.
1860 01:07:49 Why does it seem likeyou've done this before?
1861 01:07:52 [MUMBLING]
1862 01:07:54 - Stupid bird!- It's dead!
1863 01:07:55 What areyou doing?
1864 01:07:56 Look atits feathers.
1865 01:08:04 Night cologne?
1866 01:08:16 [CLEARS THROAT]Listen, son,
1867 01:08:18 I was just tryingto help you win
1868 01:08:21 by makinga good meal,
1869 01:08:23 Well, if this isyour idea of help,
1870 01:08:25 I think I'm good, Dad.
1871 01:08:26 Jesus.
1872 01:08:28 Why do I feellike you're trying
1873 01:08:29 to wreck thisfor me?
1874 01:08:31 I'm just making an effortlike you asked me to do.
1875 01:08:33 Well, it turns outthe only thing worse
1876 01:08:34 than you not tryingis you trying.
1877 01:08:37 Well, maybe to you,but to me, these people,
1878 01:08:39 they seemto like me.
1879 01:08:41 If I told these peoplethe truth about what happened,
1880 01:08:43 they'd neverhave us back here.
1881 01:08:46 [SIGHS]
1882 01:08:48 You know, why didI let Ellie convince me
1883 01:08:51 What do you mean,"bring me here"?
1884 01:08:53 You're the onewho invited me,
1885 01:08:54 Yeah, I invited youto get grandma's ring.
1886 01:08:57 I didn't know you weregonna spend the whole time
1887 01:08:59 What are youtalking about,
1888 01:09:01 How could you say that?
1889 01:09:02 Everything I'mdoing for you,
1890 01:09:03 that I've ever donefor you is for
1891 01:09:06 to give youa better life.
1892 01:09:07 You love to say that,but now that
1893 01:09:09 it's like you'retrying to stop it.
1894 01:09:11 Trying tostop what?
1895 01:09:13 I'm trying to make surethat you don't make
1896 01:09:14 by trying to besomebody you're not.
1897 01:09:16 You're your own person.
1898 01:09:17 You're your own man.Be your own man.
1899 01:09:18 Otherwise,it's embarrassing.
1900 01:09:20 [SCOFFING] Oh, man.You know what?
1901 01:09:22 This is your problem.You're so focused
1902 01:09:24 on other peoplebeing embarrassed,
1903 01:09:26 you can't see whothe most embarrassing
1904 01:09:29 It's you.
1905 01:09:32 [SIGHS]That's really
1906 01:09:38 Let's just goto sleep,
1907 01:09:39 [BEDSHEETS RUSTLING]
1908 01:10:15 SEBASTIAN: The next morning,it was the 4th of July,
1909 01:10:18 which made sense,'cause I was
1910 01:10:20 finally gettingmy independence.
1911 01:10:22 It was an amazing feeling.
1912 01:10:25 But much likemy signature scent,
1913 01:10:28 it was a little bittersweet.
1914 01:10:31 But this wasthe beginning of my new life.
1915 01:10:34 And now that I had the ring,
1916 01:10:37 it was time to make my move.
1917 01:10:44 SEBASTIAN:I've given this
1918 01:10:46 over the lastfew days,
1919 01:10:48 and on topof accepting
1920 01:10:50 your very generous offer
1921 01:10:52 to run the Barrymore Hotel,
1922 01:10:55 I would also liketo ask your permission
1923 01:10:58 to propose to Ellie.
1924 01:11:02 Oh.
1925 01:11:04 Ah, that doesn't...
1926 01:11:07 I... [SIGHS]
1927 01:11:11 We're kidding![TIGGER CHUCKLES]
1928 01:11:13 [BILL LAUGHING]
1929 01:11:14 - We got him.- Ho! You
1930 01:11:16 the lookon your face. Priceless.
1931 01:11:19 Our answer isan emphatic...
1932 01:11:21 - BOTH: Yes!- Oh, God.
1933 01:11:23 Gee, Sebastian,we just love you.
1934 01:11:25 And we just...We cannot
1935 01:11:27 wait for youand Ellie
1936 01:11:29 to join the partyin D.C.
1937 01:11:30 TIGGER: Yes.And this is perfect.
1938 01:11:33 We're doing our familyChristmas card photo today.
1939 01:11:36 You can propose there,and then be in it!
1940 01:11:38 Oh, thank God.I was so nervous
1941 01:11:41 how you guys would reactto this, you know?
1942 01:11:43 Especially, what's happenedthis weekend with my father.
1943 01:11:46 No. That dinnerwas wonderful.
1944 01:11:49 [BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1945 01:11:52 - [IN ENGLISH] Yeah.- Fantastic. Memorable.
1946 01:11:54 TIGGER:Chicken al cavone.
1947 01:11:56 [BILL SPEAKING ITALIAN]Fantastic.
1948 01:11:58 - Never had it.- BILL: Terrific.
1949 01:11:59 - TIGGER: Yes.- Don't know what's in it.
1950 01:12:00 [SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
1951 01:12:02 What the hell kindof elf are you
1952 01:12:04 I'm representingall the holiday traditions.
1953 01:12:07 Nice.[CHUCKLES]
1954 01:12:08 You're as plumpas a little partridge.
1955 01:12:10 Yes.[BOTH LAUGHING]
1956 01:12:12 Oh, oh.
1957 01:12:14 Hey, you fitright in.
1958 01:12:15 Uh, I don't know.
1959 01:12:17 Can I propose first
1960 01:12:18 and then put onthe tree costume?
1961 01:12:19 [BOTH LAUGHING]
1962 01:12:21 What's- the difference?
1963 01:12:22 Ellie, where'syour costume?
1964 01:12:24 do this withoutour reindeer.
1965 01:12:25 I'm sorry, but I'mnot gonna be taking
1966 01:12:27 the photo this year,because I no longer
1967 01:12:29 wanna be a partof this family.
1968 01:12:30 Also, Sebastianisn't taking the job,
1969 01:12:33 we are notmoving to D.C.
1970 01:12:34 and we're not gonnaspend any more time
1971 01:12:36 with these manipulators.So, let's go.
1972 01:12:37 - What happened?- What's happened?
1973 01:12:39 Dad, what do allof your hotels
1974 01:12:42 Five-star experienceat a three-star price.
1975 01:12:44 [BILL CHUCKLING]No. The answer is
1976 01:12:48 their lobby art.
1977 01:12:49 - Oh.- Shall we start
1978 01:12:50 with the BarrymoreHotel?
1979 01:12:52 - Shall we? Come on.- No, I don't
1980 01:12:53 Oh, look.Do you notice
1981 01:12:56 - about the walls?- Well, no.
1982 01:12:57 That'smy painting,
1983 01:12:59 Well,what's that?
1984 01:13:01 My painting.
1985 01:13:02 Oh, yeah,my painting.
1986 01:13:04 It wasyour dad's idea!
1987 01:13:07 - Wait. Just wait.- It was
1988 01:13:08 No. One second here.[MOUTHING]It was him.
1989 01:13:10 I just wanna knowhow you found out.
1990 01:13:11 Sebastian,did you tell her?
1991 01:13:14 What?
1992 01:13:16 You knewabout this?
1993 01:13:19 Well, no,I kind of saw...
1994 01:13:22 I can't believe thatyou all did this to me.
1995 01:13:25 Ellie, we can explain.
1996 01:13:27 - We can explain.- No, Mom!
1997 01:13:28 This whole timeI thought I was
1998 01:13:31 to this cool new designer,
1999 01:13:33 when reallymy parents
2000 01:13:35 to buy my work.
2001 01:13:36 No, no, no, darling.
2002 01:13:37 No, that'snot... No.
2003 01:13:39 Yes. Yes, that istechnically true.
2004 01:13:41 I thoughtI was killing it
2005 01:13:44 We just wanted youto get a jump-start
2006 01:13:46 in a really,really rough business.
2007 01:13:47 It's so terribleout there.
2008 01:13:49 It's what youalways do.
2009 01:13:50 You're just stealingour lessons.
2010 01:13:51 You bribe our wayonto sports teams,
2011 01:13:54 you rewriteour college essays,
2012 01:13:56 you hire famous rappers
2013 01:13:58 to emceeour birthday parties.
2014 01:13:59 That was also- not my idea.
2015 01:14:01 Now you don'tlike Warren G?
2016 01:14:02 Look, you guys aregreat parents.
2017 01:14:03 Don't let her guilt youinto changing your ways.
2018 01:14:06 All I have ever wantedwas to feel like
2019 01:14:07 I was accomplishingthings on my own.
2020 01:14:12 And I can't believethat you just didn't
2021 01:14:13 say something to me.
2022 01:14:16 Sweetheart, we, um...
2023 01:14:18 Oh, my gosh.I told you.
2024 01:14:21 [DOUG SNORING]
2025 01:14:26 SEBASTIAN: I'd beenso focused on trying
2026 01:14:27 to please Ellie's family,
2027 01:14:29 that I lost sightof what I came here to do.
2028 01:14:32 I had to find Ellieand make this right.
2029 01:14:35 And I knew exactlywhere she'd be.
2030 01:14:38 Permissionto approach?
2031 01:14:54 [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
2032 01:14:59 Place could usea remodel, huh?
2033 01:15:06 I'm sorry.
2034 01:15:08 I should've said something.
2035 01:15:10 Yeah, you should have.
2036 01:15:13 Is there anything I could doto make it up to you?
2037 01:15:16 Just being in this family
2038 01:15:19 is like bowlingwith bumpers.
2039 01:15:21 It's like,
2040 01:15:23 no matter what I try to do,
2041 01:15:25 they're alwayssetting up rails
2042 01:15:27 to make sure that I win.
2043 01:15:28 And sometimes,I just want to free bowl,
2044 01:15:31 because then,that way
2045 01:15:32 if I bowl a strike,then that's my strike.
2046 01:15:36 But if I gutter it,then that's on me too.
2047 01:15:38 I understand.
2048 01:15:39 You want to work hardfor your own success.
2049 01:15:42 Yes.
2050 01:15:43 Do you rememberwhen you told me
2051 01:15:46 about how Salvo taughtyou how to swim?
2052 01:15:48 He dropped me in the middleof Lake Michigan in November.
2053 01:15:52 Listen, I knowhe's a pain in the ass,
2054 01:15:56 but he also raised youto be tough and resourceful.
2055 01:15:59 And those are two thingsI really love about you.
2056 01:16:04 And I kind of wishthat my parents had
2057 01:16:05 raised me more like that.
2058 01:16:08 SEBASTIAN:And that was the moment
2059 01:16:10 everything finally startedto make sense.
2060 01:16:13 Here I was,planning to propose
2061 01:16:15 to the girl of my dreams,
2062 01:16:18 and I was gonna do itwithout the man who raised me?
2063 01:16:22 I realizedI had everything I wanted,
2064 01:16:25 but not what I needed.
2065 01:16:27 I gotta godo something first.
2066 01:16:30 What? What?
2067 01:16:31 Trust me.Meet me
2068 01:16:35 LUCKY: How's he doingback there?
2069 01:16:40 Keep going,- bro, I'm fine.
2070 01:16:45 SEBASTIAN:There it is. That's it.
2071 01:16:47 LUCKY: I got you, mi hermano.
2072 01:16:50 You go get him.
2073 01:16:54 MAN 1: Hey, stop!You can't be out here!
2074 01:16:56 MAN 2: Sir, you haveto get off the tarmac! Sir!
2075 01:17:00 Stop the plane.
2076 01:17:01 [ENGINE STOPS]
2077 01:17:15 Son...
2078 01:17:18 what are you doing?
2079 01:17:19 You look likeyou swam here.
2080 01:17:21 I came hereto tell you
2081 01:17:23 that you'restubborn,
2082 01:17:25 you're obnoxious,
2083 01:17:26 you're severely judgmental...
2084 01:17:28 Wait, wait.This is what
2085 01:17:29 I'm getting offthe plane for?
2086 01:17:30 Dad, but the truth is
2087 01:17:32 all those quirks arepart of what makes you
2088 01:17:35 that I couldever hope for.
2089 01:17:38 Okay. NowI'm listening.
2090 01:17:40 Now, it ain'talways easy
2091 01:17:42 but the way you raised memade me the man I am today.
2092 01:17:45 The same man,for whatever the reason,
2093 01:17:48 Ellie seems to love.
2094 01:17:50 Could never figurethat one out, either,
2095 01:17:52 You got yourgrandmother's ring.
2096 01:17:53 What elseyou need
2097 01:17:54 I need you to be partof our lives, Dad.
2098 01:17:57 But you saidI was embarrassing.
2099 01:17:58 You are.
2100 01:17:59 You haven'tchanged one bit
2101 01:18:01 You know who did?I changed.
2102 01:18:03 And I think somewherealong the way,
2103 01:18:06 I forgot.
2104 01:18:08 [CHUCKLING]You're my hero, man.
2105 01:18:12 - Stop.- No. You are.
2106 01:18:15 All the stuffyou sacrifice.
2107 01:18:16 Everything that'sgood in my life,
2108 01:18:20 No. It's... it's...
2109 01:18:21 [VOICE BREAKS]It's that good things
2110 01:18:24 You're a good boy.
2111 01:18:26 It's just thatI've been acting
2112 01:18:28 [VOICE BREAKS]because... I... I...
2113 01:18:30 I was so poor,for me to give you
2114 01:18:33 [CRYING] and now thatyou're going to have it,
2115 01:18:35 and I'm afraid thatonce you marry Ellie,
2116 01:18:38 I'm gonna losethe only family I got.
2117 01:18:40 Oh, Dad, you'renot gonna lose me.
2118 01:18:41 Stop... don't cry, Dad.
2119 01:18:43 You're goingto make me cry.
2120 01:18:46 [CRYING] I love you, man.
2121 01:18:47 - I love you, Dad.- I love you too, kid.
2122 01:18:49 Love you.
2123 01:18:58 [TEARFULLY]Are you crying?
2124 01:18:59 - What?- Are you crying?
2125 01:19:01 Hell, no.
2126 01:19:02 I never cry!
2127 01:19:05 [MA IL CIELO E SEMPRE PIU BLUBY RINO GAETANO PLAYING]
2128 01:19:08 [PLAYING FLUTE]
2129 01:19:15 Wow!
2130 01:19:18 I don't knowwhy I was
2131 01:19:21 This is really beautiful.SALVO: Yeah.
2132 01:19:24 [THUDDING]Oh, my God!
2133 01:19:26 - Oh, my God!- I'm just kidding.
2134 01:19:27 I'm goingto kill you, Luck!
2135 01:19:29 [SEBASTIANBREATHING HEAVILY]
2136 01:19:35 ANNOUNCER: Ladiesand gentlemen, welcome
2137 01:19:36 to this year's4th of July clambake.
2138 01:19:38 [BAND PLAYING SLOW JAZZ]TIGGER:
2139 01:19:40 a verypleasant evening.
2140 01:19:42 - BILL: Mmm-hmm.- Thank you,
2141 01:19:45 Such a treat.
2142 01:19:46 Hats off to thatnew chef, huh?
2143 01:19:49 Outstanding.Of course, you can't
2144 01:19:52 [CHUCKLES]Oh, sweetie,
2145 01:19:53 did you loseyour appetite?
2146 01:19:55 Do you wannabuy me one?
2147 01:19:56 [PEOPLE APPLAUDING]
2148 01:19:58 All right,ladies and gentlemen.
2149 01:20:00 I hope you broughtyour dancing shoes tonight...
2150 01:20:02 [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]Because...
2151 01:20:03 Thank you, Mr. Woodrow.Because we've got a real treat
2152 01:20:05 for you guys tonight.
2153 01:20:07 Please welcome, all the wayfrom Chicago, Illinois,
2154 01:20:10 Sebastian Maniscalco.
2155 01:20:12 [PEOPLE APPLAUDING]
2156 01:20:16 Ellie Collins,you asked for this.
2157 01:20:19 I wonder whatthis is about.
2158 01:20:26 Eleanor Mallory Collins.
2159 01:20:27 What are you doing?
2160 01:20:30 Exactly whatI came here to do.
2161 01:20:34 Now, my fathersaid something
2162 01:20:35 really profoundthis weekend.
2163 01:20:38 It's an oldItalian saying,
2164 01:20:42 "Family isn'tone important thing,
2165 01:20:47 "it's everything."
2166 01:20:50 Now, yeah, they couldbe embarrassing.
2167 01:20:53 Smothering.
2168 01:20:54 Sometimes maybeexpress their love
2169 01:20:56 in waysthat are pretty...
2170 01:20:58 Exactly.ELLIE: Yeah.
2171 01:21:01 But at the endof the day they're...
2172 01:21:04 they're just trying to dowhat's best for us.
2173 01:21:08 Because they love us.
2174 01:21:12 Now here,in this moment,
2175 01:21:14 in frontof our families...
2176 01:21:21 Ellie...
2177 01:21:23 will you marry me?
2178 01:21:26 - Yes.- SEBASTIAN: Oh.
2179 01:21:28 [PEOPLE CHEERING]
2180 01:21:42 SEBASTIAN: And thereyou have it, folks.
2181 01:21:44 An atypicalAmerican love story
2182 01:21:47 about a man reconnectingwith his hero,
2183 01:21:50 and two different brandsof immigrant families
2184 01:21:53 coming together.
2185 01:22:02 Sebastian,are you sure
2186 01:22:03 you won'treconsider
2187 01:22:05 No, it'sa generous offer.
2188 01:22:06 - Yeah.- But Ellie
2189 01:22:08 to stay in Chicagofor at least
2190 01:22:10 - BILL: Oh!- Yeah.
2191 01:22:11 I'm not sayinga word. Heartbreaking.
2192 01:22:13 Dad, I was thinkingsince Sea Bass isn't... Yeah.
2193 01:22:15 gonna take the job,I thought I could...
2194 01:22:18 step up.
2195 01:22:20 No more drugs?
2196 01:22:23 Prescription?Mostly mine?
2197 01:22:25 A dream come true.
2198 01:22:27 All right.- Thank you.
2199 01:22:29 LUCKY: I'mrunning a hotel.
2200 01:22:30 - Hi.- Hi, everybody.
2201 01:22:32 Um, I'd like you to meetmy girlfriend, Michelle.
2202 01:22:34 - Hello.- Hi, I'm Ellie.
2203 01:22:36 - MICHELLE: Hi.- She's real.
2204 01:22:38 That's my sister.
2205 01:22:39 It's very niceto meet all of you.
2206 01:22:41 Did you flyall the way
2207 01:22:44 Africa....Africa
2208 01:22:45 [STUTTERING]...to be
2209 01:22:49 Oh, well,I love Doug.
2210 01:22:51 But I'mactually here
2211 01:22:53 on a Fulbright scholarship.
2212 01:22:54 She's very smart.
2213 01:22:55 Very nice.
2214 01:22:56 Well, we'rejust so happy
2215 01:22:59 to meet you. Lovely.
2216 01:23:01 Yes. You could sit... Mom. Dad.
2217 01:23:03 - Yes. Yes.- Where are
2218 01:23:04 - Right this way.- Yeah, we gotta get
2219 01:23:05 our picture taken.[GASPS]
2220 01:23:11 Don't say that I neverdid nothing for you.
2221 01:23:14 [WE NO SPEAK AMERICANO BY DCUPAND YOLANDA BE COOL PLAYING]
2222 01:23:21 - BILL: Ah.- TIGGER: Oh.
2223 01:23:23 How wouldyou two feel
2224 01:23:25 about havingthe wedding
2225 01:23:27 in our chapelin D.C.?
2226 01:23:28 D.C.? No.
2227 01:23:30 Let's have itin Sicily.
2228 01:23:31 - BILL: Oh, Sicily.- In my grandfather's
2229 01:23:33 That's whereyou should... I was thinking like Napa,
2230 01:23:35 because I found this placethat has a big wine glass.
2231 01:23:37 And you can dothe whole ceremony
2232 01:23:38 in the wine glass.
2233 01:23:40 Duke! Duke! No!
2234 01:23:42 BILL: What do you havein your mouth?
2235 01:23:43 BOTH: Duke murdereda peacock.