沙漠妖姬 The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert(1994)(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:22 (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
2 00:00:35 (NEVER BEEN TO ME PLAYING)
3 00:03:06 (ALL CHEERING)
4 00:03:10 I want more!
5 00:03:12 MAN: Oh
6 00:03:22 (ALL LAUGHING)
7 00:03:25 Are you okay?
8 00:03:30 That was fucking charming
9 00:03:33 - MAN 1: Fuck off
10 00:03:35 - MAN 2: Show us your pink bits. - No
11 00:03:38 Now
12 00:03:40 MAN 3: Why?
13 00:03:41 So it's easily retrieved after I've shoved it up your ass.
14 00:03:53 FELICIA: Christ Almighty!
15 00:03:56 What the fuck's going on out there tonight?
16 00:04:00 Are you hurt?
17 00:04:02 All right
18 00:04:06 MAN: Tick
19 00:04:09 - Hello. - MARION: Ding-dong.
20 00:04:11 Avon calling. Howdy
21 00:04:14 Long time no hear.
22 00:04:17 - Where? - Emergency Ward A.
23 00:04:23 Mr. Belrose?
24 00:04:25 Yes?
25 00:04:29 So how about it?
26 00:04:34 (PEOPLE SCREAMING)
27 00:04:38 (CAR ALARM SOUNDING)
28 00:04:50 (PHONE RINGING)
29 00:04:57 BERNADETTE: Yeah.
30 00:04:58 Bernadette? It's Tick. Sorry to call you so late
31 00:05:05 Hey
32 00:05:07 - No
33 00:05:11 Trumpet just died.
34 00:05:17 (PRIEST SPEAKING)
35 00:05:24 PRIEST: "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
36 00:05:27 "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.
37 00:05:30 "He leadeth me beside the still waters.
38 00:05:33 "He restoreth my soul.
39 00:05:35 "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
40 00:05:39 "Yea
41 00:05:42 "I will fear no evil
42 00:05:45 "Thy rod and thy staff
43 00:05:48 "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
44 00:05:52 "Thou anointest my head with oil.
45 00:05:54 "My cup runneth over.
46 00:05:56 "Surely
47 00:06:01 "and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
48 00:06:05 It's not fair.
49 00:06:07 I've spent half my life and all my savings
50 00:06:09 trying to snag a sympathetic husband.
51 00:06:12 Selfish little shit goes and dies on me.
52 00:06:16 Twenty-five years old
53 00:06:21 He didn't slip.
54 00:06:23 He was peroxiding his hair at home again and he asphyxiated on the fumes.
55 00:06:29 I've gotta get some space.
56 00:06:32 I've been asked to do a show out of town.
57 00:06:35 - That's nice. - Why don't you come with me?
58 00:06:37 I'll need some help
59 00:06:41 You're not wrong. Where is it?
60 00:06:44 Alice Springs.
61 00:06:46 You've got to be fucking joking!
62 00:06:49 Wo-Man is a unique range of...
63 00:06:54 ...specialty facial products designed for the more...
64 00:07:00 ...heavy-duty woman in us all.
65 00:07:03 Now
66 00:07:05 (PHONE RINGING)
67 00:07:06 Excuse me.
68 00:07:09 MITZl: Hello.
69 00:07:10 How long is the run?
70 00:07:13 Four weeks. Equity minimum
71 00:07:16 accommodation included.
72 00:07:18 (SIGHING)
73 00:07:20 I can't just sit around here crying all the time.
74 00:07:23 Jesus! My mascara keeps running. I look like a raccoon.
75 00:07:27 (LAUGHING) Good girl. That's the spirit.
76 00:07:31 Here's hoping the desert's big enough for the two of us.
77 00:07:36 Three of us.
78 00:07:37 (SINGING)
79 00:07:56 - Why? - Why not?
80 00:07:59 Look
81 00:08:02 That's right.
82 00:08:03 A bloody good little performer
83 00:08:07 I thought we were getting away from all this shit.
84 00:08:09 Two's company
85 00:08:13 We're unplugging our curling wands and going bush for this show.
86 00:08:18 Why would you possibly want to leave all this glamour
87 00:08:20 for a hike into the middle of nowhere?
88 00:08:22 - Do you really want to know? - Desperately.
89 00:08:26 Well
90 00:08:30 a dream that I now finally have a chance to fulfill.
91 00:08:34 And that is?
92 00:08:36 To travel to the center of Australia
93 00:08:41 in a full-length Gaultier sequin
94 00:08:46 Great. That's just what this country needs
95 00:08:50 a cock in a frock on a rock.
96 00:08:53 Get back in your kennels
97 00:08:56 The first thing we have to work out
98 00:09:00 is how the hell we're gonna get there.
99 00:09:05 (SCREECHING)
100 00:09:16 Ta-da!
101 00:09:18 What do you think?
102 00:09:19 BERNADETTE: When do we have to return it to the school?
103 00:09:22 We don't. We own it.
104 00:09:25 What?
105 00:09:26 MAN: Hi
106 00:09:28 I met some nice
107 00:09:32 and I coaxed it out of them for 10
108 00:09:35 - We can't afford it. - That's right.
109 00:09:38 Mummy
110 00:09:42 this little phase I'm going through.
111 00:09:44 And you never know. I might meet some lovely country girl.
112 00:09:49 I hereby christen this budget Barbie camper
113 00:09:53 Priscilla
114 00:09:59 Seems to be the understatement of the century.
115 00:10:11 (GO WEST PLAYING)
116 00:10:21 Mum.
117 00:10:28 MAN: Ladies and gentlemen
118 00:10:29 we're here today to see off a very brave woman
119 00:10:33 who will attempt to cross a continent alone.
120 00:10:36 On behalf of all our sponsors...
121 00:10:38 (PEOPLE CHEERING)
122 00:10:54 Ladies
123 00:10:57 (ENGINES REVVING)
124 00:11:28 (BOTH SINGING)
125 00:11:33 Oh
126 00:11:50 (HUMMING)
127 00:11:52 (SIGHING)
128 00:11:55 How long have we been on the road?
129 00:11:57 Four and a half hours.
130 00:12:01 (GROANS)
131 00:12:02 I've got a splitting headache already.
132 00:12:07 Happy hour!
133 00:12:08 Mother's Ruin pour moi.
134 00:12:10 - Long Island Tea. - And a Stoli and tonic for me.
135 00:12:17 - Stupid cow! - Yeah
136 00:12:19 After we did the ABBA show
137 00:12:21 Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements.
138 00:12:24 - He didn't? - Yep.
139 00:12:26 Do you know what they do?
140 00:12:27 They siphon all the fat out of your love handles
141 00:12:29 and actually inject it into your wing-wang.
142 00:12:31 Yucky!
143 00:12:33 I suppose it gives a whole new meaning to cracking a fat
144 00:12:36 (BOTH LAUGHING)
145 00:12:39 Oh
146 00:12:41 You sound like two fat slags at a pie bake-off.
147 00:12:45 Your contribution to the conversation hasn't exactly made headlines
148 00:12:49 Gee
149 00:12:52 There can't be much room down there
150 00:12:54 with his brain taking up so much space already.
151 00:12:58 No
152 00:13:01 that we stop bitching about people
153 00:13:03 talking about wigs
154 00:13:06 penises
155 00:13:11 Doesn't give us much to talk about then
156 00:13:15 Hey
157 00:13:26 How do you like your little boys
158 00:13:32 You don't have to answer that if you don't want to.
159 00:13:35 BERNADETTE: Oh
160 00:13:36 What is this
161 00:13:39 Just leave mine outside the door at about 8:00 a.m.
162 00:13:42 along with an orange juice and toast
163 00:13:45 Oh
164 00:13:47 And would you like Vegemite orjam with that?
165 00:13:54 Knock
166 00:13:56 MITZl: Can't you read the sign? Do Not Disturb.
167 00:13:58 - Please come back in the morning. - Ha ha
168 00:14:03 Good night
169 00:14:04 Good night
170 00:14:07 Open the fucking door!
171 00:14:10 (CLANKING)
172 00:14:12 Okay
173 00:14:18 Fine. You asked for it.
174 00:14:22 (SINGING)
175 00:14:45 BERNADETTE: Good night
176 00:14:47 (YELLING)
177 00:14:53 FELICIA: I'm seriously falling asleep.
178 00:14:55 It's your shift
179 00:14:58 Serves you right for staying out all night
180 00:15:01 I'm not gonna make it.
181 00:15:03 (SINGING)
182 00:15:05 FELICIA: Fuck off
183 00:15:08 You all right?
184 00:15:10 Me? Yeah
185 00:15:13 (BILLY DON'T BE A HERO PLAYING)
186 00:15:27 (BRAKES SCREECHING)
187 00:15:45 Sorry. Shit!
188 00:15:50 What is it?
189 00:16:07 Perhaps we should've flown.
190 00:16:26 FELICIA: (BUZZING) Wrong
191 00:16:29 - BERNADETTE: No. - Witchetty grub. Your turn.
192 00:16:33 I spy with my little eye something beginning with "R".
193 00:16:37 - Rectum. - No.
194 00:16:39 - Ring pirate? - No.
195 00:16:41 Road.
196 00:16:43 All right
197 00:16:45 - Nothing
198 00:16:48 Look at you. You got a face like a cat's ass.
199 00:16:50 Now
200 00:16:51 Just worried about the show
201 00:16:54 We haven't done any rehearsals yet.
202 00:16:56 We got two weeks
203 00:16:59 - Now what is your problem? - It's not a problem.
204 00:17:02 I just want the show to be good
205 00:17:04 Gotta be good.
206 00:17:05 How the fuck did you get this job
207 00:17:08 I mean
208 00:17:09 this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere
209 00:17:11 - Your mother? - No
210 00:17:16 Don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away
211 00:17:18 - out here somewhere. - No
212 00:17:22 I'm married.
213 00:17:23 (TIRES SCREECHING)
214 00:17:34 And when the joint bank account ran dry after a couple of years
215 00:17:41 I guess I preferred her wedding ring to mine
216 00:17:44 We swapped and called it a day.
217 00:17:48 This is getting too weird.
218 00:17:51 You and a woman.
219 00:17:55 I mean
220 00:17:57 Put a bucket on your head and swing off the handle?
221 00:17:59 (SIZZLING)
222 00:18:01 There are two things I don't like about you
223 00:18:05 So how about shutting both of them?
224 00:18:07 At least this explains your abysmal batting average
225 00:18:11 I often wondered why your dance card was so empty.
226 00:18:14 I take it you never got a divorce
227 00:18:19 Well
228 00:18:23 Shame it's not gonna stay that way
229 00:18:28 Got any more little surprises you'd like to share with us?
230 00:18:31 Haven't got any kids stashed away out there as well
231 00:18:39 Look
232 00:18:45 After six years
233 00:18:48 Christ knows I owe her a couple of favors.
234 00:18:55 I'm sorry that I never told you.
235 00:18:59 I'm not sorry that you're here.
236 00:19:08 BERNADETTE: Don't worry about it
237 00:19:11 I'm as jealous as all hell.
238 00:19:24 What?
239 00:19:26 So was it a big wedding? Get lots of prezzies
240 00:19:31 I just wish I was old enough to have been there.
241 00:19:34 Oh
242 00:19:35 I would've bought you a lovely matching set
243 00:19:37 of hers and hers bathmats or something.
244 00:19:40 - Oh
245 00:19:43 Oh
246 00:19:48 Mowing those lawns must've been murder on your heels
247 00:19:51 All right
248 00:19:53 Let's put some money in that seething
249 00:19:57 If I win this game
250 00:20:00 ever in my presence again
251 00:20:02 - And if I win? - Name your price.
252 00:20:06 Well
253 00:20:09 in the whole
254 00:20:12 Snap. Better be quick.
255 00:20:16 (I LOVE THE NIGHT LIFE (DISCO 'ROUND) PLAYING)
256 00:20:32 What the fuck am I doing?
257 00:20:35 Take that bloody frock off
258 00:20:38 You think I'm gonna let you walk away with all the attention?
259 00:20:41 No chance. Come on
260 00:20:45 Oh
261 00:21:06 I just adore these hats.
262 00:21:08 Come on
263 00:21:11 (WHINING)
264 00:21:29 You've got to be kidding.
265 00:21:32 Welcome to Mario's Palace. Come in
266 00:21:38 Come in. What can I do for you? Would you like a room
267 00:21:44 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
268 00:21:57 - Subtle. - Oh
269 00:22:00 Who the hell does all the painting around here?
270 00:22:02 Someone with no arms or right foot
271 00:22:06 For goodness sakes
272 00:22:10 Someone needs the wood.
273 00:22:11 What have we here?
274 00:22:16 What fun. Baby bottles of booze.
275 00:22:20 Oh. Gather round
276 00:22:25 You drink the gin
277 00:22:33 fill the bottle up with water
278 00:22:36 Va t'en vous. What about the Scotch?
279 00:22:38 That's where the complimentary teabags come in handy.
280 00:22:42 - Very clever. - Cheers
281 00:22:44 And congratulations
282 00:22:47 One lap of the Broken Hill main drag in drag.
283 00:22:51 That'll teach you to take on the Fairmont Boys School Snap champion.
284 00:22:54 Here's to being off that fucking bus.
285 00:22:57 (SIGHING)
286 00:22:58 - Chookers. - Chookers.
287 00:23:03 So
288 00:23:07 I sure as shit am not gonna sit in here all evening.
289 00:23:10 I'm in.
290 00:23:16 Oh
291 00:23:21 (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
292 00:23:41 Hello. Could I please have a Stoli and tonic
293 00:23:45 a Bloody Mary
294 00:23:49 WOMAN: Well
295 00:23:57 What have we got here
296 00:24:00 A couple of showgirls
297 00:24:04 Where did you ladies come in from? Uranus?
298 00:24:10 - Could I please have a Stoli... - No! You can't have.
299 00:24:14 You can't have nothing.
300 00:24:15 We've got nothing here for people like you.
301 00:24:18 Nothing!
302 00:24:30 Now listen here
303 00:24:32 Why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart
304 00:24:36 because it's the only bang you're ever gonna get
305 00:24:41 (ALL LAUGHING)
306 00:24:55 (PIANO PLAYING)
307 00:25:00 (SINGING DRUNKENLY)
308 00:25:07 Now
309 00:25:11 than coming home after a hard day's work down the mine
310 00:25:17 to the Wo-Man in us all?
311 00:25:20 Now
312 00:25:31 (MEN EXCLAIMING)
313 00:26:04 ALL: Ooh.
314 00:26:11 Shit!
315 00:26:14 All I can see is female impersonators.
316 00:26:25 This has gotta be a first.
317 00:26:26 Nobody has ever out-drunk old Shirl before.
318 00:26:30 Where'd you learn to throw them back like that?
319 00:26:32 That's our girl
320 00:26:34 I just knew that stumbling around the pub circuit with Les Girls
321 00:26:37 for 200 years must've taught her something.
322 00:26:40 - You're a bloody marvel
323 00:26:44 - What's that? - My name isn't Bernie.
324 00:26:46 She said her name isn't Bernie.
325 00:26:50 It's Ralph!
326 00:26:56 Come on.
327 00:27:03 - What did you call me? - "What did you call me
328 00:27:07 What did you call me back there in the bar?
329 00:27:10 FELICIA: Sorry
330 00:27:14 You fucking idiot!
331 00:27:18 Fuck!
332 00:27:21 Fuck! Get off me
333 00:27:23 Fuck!
334 00:27:25 FELICIA: Don't worry about a fucking thing. It's only my fucking head.
335 00:27:27 BERNADETTE: At least the bump on your head's bigger than your prick.
336 00:27:30 Why don't you just get fucked
337 00:27:33 Oh
338 00:27:34 You're so bloody boring...
339 00:27:36 If your mouth was as big as your dick...
340 00:27:59 - Good morning. - Morning.
341 00:28:03 It's funny
342 00:28:06 No matter how tough I think I'm getting
343 00:28:12 it still hurts.
344 00:28:17 Hope it still works. Don't have much call for it out here.
345 00:28:20 - Where you blokes from? - Uranus.
346 00:28:23 Oh
347 00:28:28 (CAN'T HELP LOVIN' THAT MAN PLAYING)
348 00:28:35 There. Left.
349 00:28:37 I hope you know what you're doing.
350 00:28:39 If we stick to the sealed road
351 00:28:41 we'll be at it for at least another two days.
352 00:28:48 Take the shortcut.
353 00:28:58 (OPERA MUSIC PLAYING)
354 00:29:03 (LIP-SYNCHING)
355 00:29:43 One more push
356 00:29:46 he'll have to stick his toothbrush up his ass to clean his teeth.
357 00:29:53 MITZl: Just lay off.
358 00:29:55 I told you not to use the "R" word.
359 00:29:57 - What did you go and do? - I was only having a bit of fun.
360 00:30:00 Fun? What else do you do for amusement
361 00:30:04 What's the point?
362 00:30:05 I like seeing people get hotheaded
363 00:30:08 Is it true when you were born
364 00:30:09 the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?
365 00:30:13 What sort of bent childhood did you have
366 00:30:17 MAN: Adam? Adam?
367 00:30:23 Come in here
368 00:30:26 Come sit over here.
369 00:30:31 Would you like to have some fun with Uncle Barry?
370 00:30:35 We're gonna play a special game
371 00:30:37 but you can't tell anybody ever
372 00:30:44 Now
373 00:30:47 and pull very gently
374 00:30:51 Very gently.
375 00:30:57 That's good. That's good.
376 00:31:01 (EXCLAIMING)
377 00:31:02 Jesus Christ
378 00:31:06 Adam
379 00:31:09 Get mummy.
380 00:31:10 - Get mummy. - No!
381 00:31:12 What do you mean
382 00:31:15 Never
383 00:31:18 (BOTH LAUGHING)
384 00:31:20 You know the best part?
385 00:31:22 The best part
386 00:31:24 and the dirty old fuck was stuck there for about seven hours.
387 00:31:28 Oh
388 00:31:30 before they got in the water.
389 00:31:41 Hey
390 00:31:46 Come on
391 00:31:48 You'll laugh so hard
392 00:31:51 - Do tell us your hilarious joke. - Okay.
393 00:31:55 Well
394 00:31:59 there was a famous bunch of Indians called the Fukawi tribe.
395 00:32:02 And one day
396 00:32:05 says to his father
397 00:32:07 "Dad
398 00:32:11 - And his father says... - "Why do you ask
399 00:32:15 That's not the end of the joke. So
400 00:32:19 (RATTLING)
401 00:32:22 - Jesus! - What's happening?
402 00:32:25 I don't know.
403 00:32:41 BERNADETTE: Oh
404 00:33:01 Oh
405 00:33:12 (BIRD CAWING)
406 00:33:15 FELICIA: Shit! Shit! Shit!
407 00:33:34 Oh
408 00:33:41 Well
409 00:33:43 and I think we can safely assume that I now know less about motors
410 00:33:46 than I did when I first lifted up that bonnety thing.
411 00:33:50 Now what?
412 00:33:52 Let's just not think about it for the moment
413 00:33:54 and eat brekkie
414 00:33:56 Oh
415 00:34:00 Imagine the headlines.
416 00:34:02 "Whales beach themselves in the Outback.
417 00:34:05 "Mystery bumsticks dead in drag."
418 00:34:08 Well
419 00:34:10 The only life I saw for the last million miles
420 00:34:11 were the hypnotized bunnies.
421 00:34:13 Most of them are now wedged in the tires.
422 00:34:15 Well
423 00:34:19 Yes
424 00:34:22 What if they don't drive past?
425 00:34:24 Look
426 00:34:27 Hell! Why didn't we stick to the main road?
427 00:34:30 - What difference does it make now? - You got us into this
428 00:34:34 and I suggest you start thinking about how to get us back
429 00:34:37 or I don't fancy your chances of ever trying to be a husband again.
430 00:34:44 Jesus. What are we gonna do?
431 00:34:47 We're gonna start off with a little facelift.
432 00:34:49 Nothing like a new frock to brighten up your day.
433 00:34:56 - Purple? - It's not purple
434 00:35:01 - What do you think? - It's nice in a hideous sort of a way.
435 00:35:07 Where are you going?
436 00:35:09 If you think I'm going to sit around
437 00:35:10 watching Picasso take on the public transport system
438 00:35:13 you've got another thing coming.
439 00:35:15 I'll be back with the cavalry in a couple of hours.
440 00:35:19 There goes a transsexual
441 00:35:22 We call her Bernie
442 00:35:25 Adam.
443 00:36:16 (BERNADETTE COOING)
444 00:36:31 (SINGING I WILL SURVIVE)
445 00:36:43 (HUMMING)
446 00:37:36 (SCREAMING)
447 00:37:45 (MITZI HUMMING I WILL SURVIVE)
448 00:38:22 Help! Help!
449 00:38:26 - What's that
450 00:38:28 Out there
451 00:38:32 Help!
452 00:38:37 Thank God.
453 00:38:44 Thank you. I can't tell you how grateful I am.
454 00:38:50 (SINGING)
455 00:39:07 You fucking beauty!
456 00:39:19 Shit!
457 00:39:20 (SCREAMS) Bernie
458 00:39:23 I wish I could say the same.
459 00:39:25 I was just drawing up the will.
460 00:39:27 Come and meet our saviors.
461 00:39:31 Tony
462 00:39:34 - Hello. - Hello.
463 00:39:37 Wait! Stop!
464 00:39:43 Shit!
465 00:39:47 Oh
466 00:39:50 How many times do I have to tell you green is not your color?
467 00:39:53 (LAUGHING)
468 00:39:59 - MITZl: Do you think about Trumpet much?
469 00:40:01 - No.
470 00:40:04 Trumpet was just a nice kid who had a thing about transsexuals.
471 00:40:09 Lots of people do.
472 00:40:10 Sort of bent status symbol
473 00:40:13 "Did you know my girlfriend used to be a boyfriend?"
474 00:40:15 That sort of thing. Always good for a supper invite.
475 00:40:19 Still
476 00:40:25 Nothing. Nothing for miles.
477 00:40:27 (FERNANDO PLAYING ON STEREO)
478 00:40:32 (SINGING)
479 00:40:35 I've said it before
480 00:40:38 - No more fucking ABBA! - Okay
481 00:40:42 we may as well put it to good use.
482 00:40:44 Come on
483 00:40:47 (HUMMING I WILL SURVIVE)
484 00:40:52 Okay
485 00:40:54 Boring.
486 00:40:56 - Ready? - (MITZI HUMMING)
487 00:41:04 - I did this years ago. - You did it so beautifully
488 00:41:08 and
489 00:41:10 Come on. Right
490 00:41:13 One
491 00:41:14 (SINGING)
492 00:41:27 (ALL EXCLAIMING)
493 00:41:31 Hello.
494 00:41:34 Nice night for it.
495 00:41:36 (GUITAR PLAYING)
496 00:41:39 (MAN SINGING)
497 00:42:15 I think we just crashed a party.
498 00:42:19 No
499 00:42:21 (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
500 00:42:34 Welcome to my office. Have a seat.
501 00:42:48 Bernice
502 00:42:51 - to wear that to a corroboree. - Shut your face.
503 00:43:10 Bravo!
504 00:43:11 Fabulous!
505 00:43:17 Well
506 00:43:23 (I WILL SURVIVE PLAYING)
507 00:43:29 (LIP-SYNCHING)
508 00:44:39 (PLAYING ALONG WITH SONG)
509 00:44:43 Hey
510 00:44:48 I've got an idea.
511 00:45:08 (PEOPLE CHANTING IN BACKGROUND)
512 00:45:38 ALAN: So you actually make money by dressing up like a woman?
513 00:45:41 Oh
514 00:45:46 Why
515 00:45:58 Oh
516 00:46:02 You know
517 00:46:04 Definitely not my mother.
518 00:46:06 Oh
519 00:46:12 What's this?
520 00:46:15 That
521 00:46:19 But what is it?
522 00:46:21 Well
523 00:46:22 I went on a pilgrimage backstage to an ABBA concert
524 00:46:25 hoping to grab an audience with Her Royal Highness Agnetha.
525 00:46:28 Well
526 00:46:31 naturally I followed her in.
527 00:46:33 And after she'd finished her business
528 00:46:36 only to find she'd left me a little gift sitting in the toilet bowl.
529 00:46:40 What are you telling me? This is an ABBA turd?
530 00:46:48 I know what we can do with this.
531 00:46:52 - Are you right? - Hang on.
532 00:46:56 Okay
533 00:46:59 (WHOOPING)
534 00:47:19 There!
535 00:47:21 (WHOOPING)
536 00:47:51 Afternoon. What seems to be the problem?
537 00:47:55 (DOG BARKING)
538 00:48:00 What a nice dog. What's its name?
539 00:48:03 Herpes.
540 00:48:06 If she's good
541 00:48:11 Things get pretty quiet around here. We're a bit starved for entertainment.
542 00:48:15 Glad we could oblige. How does it look?
543 00:48:20 Your gas tank's chockablock full of crud.
544 00:48:23 Traveling on a rough road on a low tank chucked it all up into the motor.
545 00:48:27 Your fuel line's blocked
546 00:48:30 - So does that mean you can fix it? - In the short term.
547 00:48:34 What you blokes need is a new gas tank.
548 00:48:37 Don't suppose you have one lying around?
549 00:48:39 (CHUCKLING) No
550 00:48:41 You could pick one up in Coober Pedy in about a week.
551 00:48:43 When do you have to be in Alice?
552 00:48:45 Six days.
553 00:48:48 Well
554 00:48:51 You might make it. Won't know unless you give it a try.
555 00:48:56 WOMAN: Refreshments!
556 00:48:58 Lemonade
557 00:49:01 That's very nice
558 00:49:03 Lemonade
559 00:49:06 - No
560 00:49:09 I made chocolate cracker.
561 00:49:15 Thank you.
562 00:49:17 - We put cream on? - No
563 00:49:20 It's a face cream. For face.
564 00:49:24 Bob
565 00:49:28 I love lamb with meringue.
566 00:49:30 BOB: Thank you for the company.
567 00:49:32 Like I said earlier
568 00:49:35 If you don't mind me asking
569 00:49:37 Well
570 00:49:40 Glad you bothered. Don't get your type out here very often.
571 00:49:45 - Me like to sing
572 00:49:50 Thought of opening a video business for a while.
573 00:49:52 But I suppose we gotta wait to get television first.
574 00:49:54 Me perform for you. Me dance
575 00:49:57 My wife used to be in the entertainment business.
576 00:50:00 - Yeah. You perform here? - You're thinking of performing here?
577 00:50:05 I mean
578 00:50:07 Um... the thought hadn't really crossed my mind.
579 00:50:11 Well
580 00:50:13 Everybody would love it.
581 00:50:16 I'm not sure our show would go down too well out here.
582 00:50:21 If you don't mind me asking
583 00:50:24 We dress up in women's clothes and parade around
584 00:50:26 mouthing the words to other people's songs.
585 00:50:29 You mean sort of like those... What do they call them...
586 00:50:32 Les Girls.
587 00:50:34 Oh
588 00:50:36 way back in Sydney when I was a young bloke.
589 00:50:38 - Fantastic. Just terrific. - Bob
590 00:50:41 at probably the most famous Le Girl
591 00:50:44 ever produced.
592 00:50:46 - BOB: You're kidding me. - Give me a break.
593 00:50:48 - I was never that famous. - I am not joking.
594 00:50:51 What? I mean
595 00:50:55 - That must've been 30 years back. - Oh
596 00:50:58 Me perform for you. Me sing.
597 00:51:00 No
598 00:51:03 (SCOLDING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
599 00:51:10 Well
600 00:51:16 (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
601 00:51:19 - Maybe this isn't such a good idea. - Oh
602 00:51:22 Our frocks were the sensation of Broken Hill
603 00:51:25 There was a Kmart in Broken Hill. At least they knew what a frock was.
604 00:51:29 Christ
605 00:51:32 It's not a frock
606 00:51:37 (KNOCKING)
607 00:51:39 - Can I come in? - FELICIA: Only if you're single.
608 00:51:48 Oh
609 00:51:51 Where did we find this guy?
610 00:51:53 You just keep dishing out the compliments
611 00:51:54 Flattery will get you everywhere. And where's that lovely wife of yours?
612 00:51:58 She's at home.
613 00:51:59 She's not allowed in the pub anymore.
614 00:52:02 Really? Why?
615 00:52:05 She had a problem with alcohol.
616 00:52:06 Every time she gets in the pub
617 00:52:09 I know how she feels.
618 00:52:13 Well
619 00:52:16 Bob
620 00:52:22 You can't back out now. Every man and his dog's out there.
621 00:52:25 They're not chained up
622 00:52:27 You blokes. Sorry. You girls.
623 00:52:30 Look
624 00:52:34 (SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
625 00:52:40 (PEOPLE CHEERING)
626 00:52:49 (SCREAMING)
627 00:53:09 (SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING PLAYING)
628 00:53:28 (LIP-SYNCHING)
629 00:53:48 Yeah!
630 00:53:52 MAN: Yeah
631 00:53:56 (ALL CHEERING)
632 00:54:38 What the hell is going on?
633 00:55:05 Oh
634 00:55:07 Is she?
635 00:55:10 Oh
636 00:55:15 You wanna bet?
637 00:55:27 (GASPING)
638 00:55:47 (SCREAMING)
639 00:55:59 I'm going!
640 00:56:00 Darling
641 00:56:02 - You no good man. - Don't be silly.
642 00:56:05 You want good wife? You be good husband.
643 00:56:08 Darling
644 00:56:11 I no like you anyway. You got little ding-a-ling.
645 00:56:29 Some days you just shouldn't get out of bed.
646 00:56:32 In my opinion
647 00:56:34 until I get back from Coober Pedy with a new gas tank.
648 00:56:37 Then again
649 00:56:41 Forget it
650 00:56:44 I'm just a gifted amateur round here.
651 00:56:47 There's no way a nice frock and a catchy tune
652 00:56:49 can compete with three ping-pong balls
653 00:56:51 two cigarettes
654 00:56:52 If we break down
655 00:56:54 and stick to the main drag.
656 00:56:56 Pardon the pun. Well
657 00:56:59 Thanks for a very educational stay.
658 00:57:01 Yes
659 00:57:05 Bernadette
660 00:57:09 And may I say it's been an honor to meet a gentleman.
661 00:57:12 Believe me
662 00:57:19 Unlike bloody drag queens
663 00:57:23 (LAUGHING)
664 00:57:30 (ENGINE SPUTTERING)
665 00:57:31 FELICIA: Oh
666 00:57:34 Bob
667 00:57:44 FELICIA: Now listen
668 00:57:46 We may wear the frocks around here
669 00:57:48 but that doesn't mean that you wear the pants.
670 00:57:50 Right. Where will I sleep?
671 00:57:52 Oh
672 00:57:55 The roof will do me fine.
673 00:57:58 Thank you
674 00:58:02 That's all right. Might as well get there a few days earlier. Bit of R&R.
675 00:58:07 God knows I need it.
676 00:58:33 Can I ask you a personal question? I mean
677 00:58:36 Sure.
678 00:58:38 Why? Why do you
679 00:58:44 You mean
680 00:58:47 That's a girl. Now
681 00:58:51 Just slide the ribbon off
682 00:58:55 Here it comes now. What is it?
683 00:58:59 Oh
684 00:59:04 Cement mixer.
685 00:59:08 Have you been changing the cards around again
686 00:59:16 So
687 00:59:19 FELICIA: Oh
688 00:59:22 What are you trying to do? Fucking kill me or something?
689 00:59:24 My fault.
690 00:59:25 I'm sorry
691 00:59:31 One
692 00:59:35 Now
693 00:59:37 - Who taught you to waltz? - My wife.
694 00:59:40 Oh
695 00:59:41 You and the missus
696 00:59:44 practicing your little hearts out.
697 00:59:45 - Makes me wanna sick up. - She's a better dancer than you...
698 00:59:48 - Married? - Yes
699 00:59:51 We've only recently discovered young Anthony here bats for both teams.
700 00:59:55 - I do not. - Oh
701 00:59:58 - No. - Oh
702 01:00:00 So
703 01:00:02 - No. - Then what the hell are we?
704 01:00:03 I don't fucking know!
705 01:00:08 What the fuck's that?
706 01:00:15 Good evening.
707 01:00:17 Nice night for it.
708 01:00:20 Oh
709 01:00:23 BERNADETTE: What a rude woman.
710 01:00:26 (WIND WHISTLING)
711 01:00:35 And that's the power steering pump
712 01:00:39 - How interesting. - Simple.
713 01:00:42 BOB: That's the rubber band that ties the whole thing together.
714 01:00:45 (EXCLAIMING)
715 01:00:49 Hey
716 01:00:51 (WHOOPING)
717 01:01:07 - I won! - (CHIRPING)
718 01:01:19 Can I help you
719 01:01:30 Okay
720 01:01:37 (RATTLING)
721 01:01:49 (I DON'T CARE IF THE SUN DON'T SHINE PLAYING)
722 01:01:51 (LIP-SYNCHING)
723 01:02:39 (GIGGLING)
724 01:02:55 BOB: That's it over there.
725 01:02:57 It's an okay room with a shower.
726 01:02:59 - FELICIA: I'm first! - MITZl: I'm first!
727 01:03:00 MITZl: Is hot water all you can ever think about?
728 01:03:02 BERNICE: No. A shower
729 01:03:05 FELICIA: You think I'm gonna crawl into the sack and watch television
730 01:03:08 - you got another thing coming. - Now
731 01:03:11 This is a pretty tough little town.
732 01:03:13 They get up in the morning
733 01:03:14 they blow things up
734 01:03:16 - That about sums things up. - Fabulous!
735 01:03:18 You're welcome to hang out with us
736 01:03:22 Yeah
737 01:03:26 - like the old days. - I wanna go with Bob.
738 01:03:28 I wanna go to the boys club! I wanna go with Bob!
739 01:03:30 You come and have supper with us
740 01:03:32 or you'll stay in your room by yourself and watch TV.
741 01:04:02 - He's a good man
742 01:04:07 Not my type
743 01:04:09 Oh
744 01:04:12 I can spot the fluttering of a beaded lash from 300 paces.
745 01:04:15 Oh
746 01:04:20 Mind you
747 01:04:23 Did you catch that mail-order bride?
748 01:04:27 Why'd he marry? I'm dying to ask.
749 01:04:32 - Sorry. - That's all right.
750 01:04:34 Don't worry about it. You're the world's best husband.
751 01:04:39 Given the chance
752 01:04:44 Do you really think so?
753 01:04:46 Why? Thinking about children?
754 01:04:50 Yes
755 01:05:09 Do you have The Texas Chainsaw Mascara?
756 01:05:16 You ever wanted kids?
757 01:05:17 Sure. But I've learnt not to think about it.
758 01:05:25 Do you think an old queen's capable of raising a child?
759 01:05:28 Well
760 01:05:32 Prince Charles is a wonderful boy.
761 01:05:34 Edward's still a bit of a worry.
762 01:05:39 What happens if they turn out like Adam?
763 01:05:42 You stuff them back in and ask for a refund.
764 01:05:48 Stupid little shit.
765 01:05:51 I dread to think what he's up to.
766 01:05:54 (PEOPLE CHATTERING)
767 01:06:02 (BOTH LAUGHING)
768 01:06:22 Hello. I'm new in town.
769 01:06:27 No kidding.
770 01:06:29 Could I have a Bloody Mary
771 01:06:32 It's a beer or nothing
772 01:06:37 Well
773 01:06:40 Cheers.
774 01:06:46 What are you all looking at?
775 01:06:51 I'm sorry.
776 01:06:54 We didn't mean to stare. We don't usually get women down here.
777 01:06:58 Oh.
778 01:07:01 So what do women do around here besides watching videos?
779 01:07:07 Well
780 01:07:12 You know that bloke
781 01:07:19 No.
782 01:07:22 So
783 01:07:27 - Be my pleasure. - Oh.
784 01:07:34 So how about it?
785 01:07:39 Well
786 01:07:46 MAN: Get her
787 01:07:51 FELICIA: Come on
788 01:07:56 So I never got a chance to tell my parents
789 01:07:58 what a wonderful childhood I'd had.
790 01:08:03 They never spoke to me again after I'd had the chop.
791 01:08:12 I think I have something to tell you.
792 01:08:15 (FELICIA GIGGLING)
793 01:08:17 Oh
794 01:08:33 Okay
795 01:08:36 You fucking freak!
796 01:08:42 Hold him down.
797 01:08:43 - Spread his legs. - No
798 01:08:48 Frank
799 01:08:50 Stop! What the fuck do you think you're doing?
800 01:08:53 You mean you do know this cocksucker?
801 01:08:55 Get off him
802 01:08:58 He was joking
803 01:09:02 - Get out of here
804 01:09:05 Put the faggot down and get the fuck out of there
805 01:09:07 - or you'll be next. - Frank.
806 01:09:09 Get out of there!
807 01:09:10 Stop flexing your muscles
808 01:09:15 I'm sure your mates will be much more impressed
809 01:09:17 if you just go back to the pub and fuck a couple of pigs on the bar.
810 01:09:21 Bernadette
811 01:09:23 Bernadette?
812 01:09:25 Well
813 01:09:29 I suppose you wanna fuck
814 01:09:31 Come on
815 01:09:37 Come on. Come and fuck me. Come on.
816 01:09:42 Fuck me.
817 01:09:50 There. Now you're fucked.
818 01:09:53 MITZl: You stupid
819 01:09:56 Well
820 01:10:01 Stupid
821 01:10:04 (SOBBING)
822 01:10:07 It's funny.
823 01:10:10 We all sit around
824 01:10:11 mindlessly slagging off that vile stinkhole of a city.
825 01:10:17 But in some strange way
826 01:10:21 I don't know if that ugly wall of suburbia
827 01:10:23 has been put there to stop them getting in or us getting out.
828 01:10:32 Come on.
829 01:10:35 Don't let it drag you down.
830 01:10:38 Let it toughen you up.
831 01:10:41 I can only fight because I've learned to.
832 01:10:45 Being a man one day and a woman the next
833 01:10:47 is not an easy thing to do.
834 01:10:52 - Sorry. Can't help you. - No worries
835 01:10:59 Well
836 01:11:01 No good. He says the man to help us is a fair way out of town.
837 01:11:04 Like how fair?
838 01:11:06 Couple of hundred klicks fair.
839 01:11:08 No matter. Got nothing else to do today.
840 01:11:11 Let's get out of here.
841 01:11:12 Come on
842 01:11:21 (A FINE ROMANCE PLAYING)
843 01:11:43 Some things are said in the heat of the moment.
844 01:11:50 I'm sorry I got angry with you last night
845 01:11:53 although I daresay you deserved it.
846 01:11:56 Anyway
847 01:12:00 This is quite an experience
848 01:12:03 I quite safely say that I think your taste in clothing
849 01:12:08 is absolutely terrible
850 01:12:13 Oh
851 01:12:19 We're going to have a problem
852 01:12:21 finding this guy with the tank
853 01:12:22 - Why do you say that? - Because he's not out here.
854 01:12:25 He's out here. He's in Alice.
855 01:12:29 Well
856 01:12:32 Not the most popular bloke in the world back there anymore.
857 01:12:37 (GASPING)
858 01:12:48 Hello.
859 01:12:49 - Hello. - Who are you?
860 01:12:53 I your wife.
861 01:12:57 - Guess I'll be going home then. - No
862 01:13:02 I your wife
863 01:13:04 I your wife!
864 01:13:05 Silly girl.
865 01:13:08 Should have done her homework better.
866 01:13:10 (LAUGHING)
867 01:13:11 She thought I was from Sydney.
868 01:13:13 Why in God's name did you bring her home?
869 01:13:16 - She was me wife. - Couldn't you sell her off?
870 01:13:20 Oh
871 01:13:22 It talks. Can't keep a good bitch down.
872 01:13:26 What time do you reckon we'll be in Alice Springs?
873 01:13:29 Late tomorrow arvo.
874 01:13:31 How long do you think you'll be staying?
875 01:13:33 I don't know. Couple of days
876 01:13:37 Hey
877 01:13:41 I saw that smile
878 01:13:46 and I'm gonna take you back to your mate in Coober Pedy.
879 01:13:50 Look
880 01:13:52 Please don't make it any harder than it has to be.
881 01:13:54 We're only teasing.
882 01:13:55 We won't open our mouths until you give the word.
883 01:13:59 Then it's open season.
884 01:14:14 Oh
885 01:14:17 I've got to look good for the wife in the morning.
886 01:14:19 Come along
887 01:14:20 - (GROANS) - Come on.
888 01:14:24 Will you two be joining us?
889 01:14:28 I just thought I'd have one for the road.
890 01:14:30 - How about you
891 01:14:33 All right
892 01:14:36 Good night.
893 01:14:39 - Another piece of cake
894 01:14:48 So
895 01:14:53 BOB: Can't complain. Life's a lot simpler now.
896 01:14:57 I spent 30 years wandering around the world
897 01:15:00 only to find that I was better off where I started.
898 01:15:05 Not much
899 01:15:08 (GRUNTING) Shit!
900 01:15:24 Adam.
901 01:15:29 - What? - Guess who didn't come home last night.
902 01:15:39 I've waited all my life for this.
903 01:15:43 Bernice has left her cake out in the rain.
904 01:15:47 (BOTH LAUGHING)
905 01:15:52 (BOTH SINGING HAVA NAGILA)
906 01:16:07 (HAVA NAGILA PLAYING)
907 01:16:28 My fucking back's killing me.
908 01:16:30 I need a crap.
909 01:16:32 - Look
910 01:16:37 Excuse me
911 01:16:39 Are you planning on staying at the hotel?
912 01:16:41 Sorry. Could you direct me to Marion Barber
913 01:16:45 - We're the cabaret act from Sydney. - Oh
914 01:16:48 Just go through to Reception
915 01:16:49 - Thanks. - No worries.
916 01:16:51 It's all right
917 01:16:56 Come on
918 01:16:59 G'day.
919 01:17:03 - Just over there by the back bar. - Thanks.
920 01:17:12 MARION: No
921 01:17:15 I need them today
922 01:17:17 You're a doll. What an asshole.
923 01:17:23 (SCREAMING)
924 01:17:25 My God! Husband
925 01:17:27 - It's so good to see you. - Hiya
926 01:17:29 You're a day late. I was just gathering the search party.
927 01:17:31 - Where are the others? - They're outside.
928 01:17:33 You've lost weight
929 01:17:35 It's about fucking time.
930 01:17:37 I can finally get into that old one-piece of yours.
931 01:17:39 - You know
932 01:17:41 What the hell do you do with it?
933 01:17:42 The Poseidon Adventure routine
934 01:17:45 (SNORTING)
935 01:17:48 (BOTH LAUGHING)
936 01:17:52 Where is he?
937 01:17:57 WOMAN: I'm very
938 01:18:00 There's one thing I'd like to do to you
939 01:18:04 You forget it.
940 01:18:06 Spank
941 01:18:08 I've got a good mind to put you over my knee.
942 01:18:10 - I'll spank
943 01:18:15 Do you remember Tick?
944 01:18:25 Hello
945 01:18:31 Hello.
946 01:18:35 Where's the bloody bar?
947 01:18:37 (ALL CHATTERING)
948 01:18:42 - Mr. Belrose? - Yes?
949 01:18:46 Congratulations. It's a boy.
950 01:18:53 Shit!
951 01:18:55 - BOB: You okay? - What's the matter?
952 01:18:56 - BERNADETTE: Help. - Oh
953 01:18:58 For Christ sake
954 01:19:00 Why the hell did you have to shock me like that?
955 01:19:05 This lump on my head is getting bigger by the second.
956 01:19:08 I'm about to make my Northern Territories debut
957 01:19:11 looking like a fucking Warner Brothers cartoon character
958 01:19:13 has hit me over the head with an iron.
959 01:19:15 I think you look more like a Disney witch
960 01:19:17 Oh
961 01:19:19 somebody's tried to open a can of beans with my face.
962 01:19:22 I'm sorry
963 01:19:23 I couldn't stand the thought of you bagging me on the bus for two weeks.
964 01:19:25 Anyway
965 01:19:27 About two inches to my head
966 01:19:29 Did you get a good look at him? He's got my profile
967 01:19:32 I think I'm gonna be sick.
968 01:19:33 I hate to be practical here
969 01:19:36 I mean
970 01:19:38 He knows he has a father in the show business
971 01:19:42 Oh
972 01:19:44 No
973 01:19:46 - It'll be fine. - It better be.
974 01:19:48 Hello! Stop wearing out that mirror.
975 01:19:51 - Do you always knock before you enter? - Always. Why?
976 01:19:54 You haven't got anything to hide in there
977 01:19:56 All right
978 01:19:58 Sweetheart
979 01:20:00 Hope you're ready to slay them. The word's out
980 01:20:03 - Like how big? - A full house.
981 01:20:06 Where's Benj?
982 01:20:07 Safe and sound
983 01:20:10 - Okay
984 01:20:13 - BOB: Can I come in? - Now there's a gentleman.
985 01:20:16 Of course you can
986 01:20:19 My Aunt Minnie in here?
987 01:20:21 (GIGGLES)
988 01:20:23 Don't mean to barge in. Just wanted to wish you luck.
989 01:20:26 - Thank you
990 01:20:29 To make up for what happened last time.
991 01:20:31 Thank you. That's so thoughtful.
992 01:20:34 All right
993 01:20:36 You
994 01:20:39 Good luck.
995 01:20:41 (DOOR CLOSING)
996 01:20:43 That's quite a wife you've got there
997 01:20:45 What does she do in her spare time
998 01:20:47 sand back the hulls of oil tankers with her tongue?
999 01:20:49 She sure is something.
1000 01:20:52 - Chookers
1001 01:20:54 Be careful with my head.
1002 01:20:56 Aren't we fabulous?
1003 01:20:59 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen
1004 01:21:02 presents Miss Mitzi Del Bra
1005 01:21:06 and Miss Bernadette Bassenger
1006 01:21:08 the Sisters of the Simpson Desert.
1007 01:21:17 (FINALLY (7" CHOICE MIX) PLAYING)
1008 01:21:18 (LIP-SYNCHING)
1009 01:24:11 (HISSING)
1010 01:24:50 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
1011 01:25:06 BOB: Bravo! Brilliant!
1012 01:25:08 - BENJl: Come on
1013 01:25:11 More
1014 01:25:13 BENJl: More!
1015 01:25:15 - More! - We want more!
1016 01:25:18 - Yes! Magnificent! - Yeah!
1017 01:25:22 - Bravo! - BENJl: More!
1018 01:25:23 - We want more! - (ALL GASPING)
1019 01:25:28 - Come on
1020 01:25:31 You'll be fine.
1021 01:25:35 Come on
1022 01:25:37 That's it
1023 01:25:40 BOB: You scared us all for a minute.
1024 01:25:42 Just had to have that extra little bit of attention
1025 01:25:44 Nice one
1026 01:25:47 Shit! What are you doing
1027 01:25:50 You liar!
1028 01:25:51 - You told me he'd be in bed. - Oh
1029 01:25:53 - Drink your daiquiri. - I hate bloody daiquiri.
1030 01:25:56 No
1031 01:25:59 At least now I know why drag queens drink from such big glasses.
1032 01:26:02 - To make their hands look smaller! - Oh
1033 01:26:06 What am I going to say to the boy? I've never been so embarrassed.
1034 01:26:09 - I think you're overreacting. - Really?
1035 01:26:11 Yes
1036 01:26:13 You're gonna have to drop all that shit if you're gonna be a good father.
1037 01:26:16 And don't pretend to be surprised.
1038 01:26:18 I've kept my end of the bargain
1039 01:26:20 Not forever
1040 01:26:22 Why now?
1041 01:26:24 Because I haven't had a holiday in eight years.
1042 01:26:27 I need a rest
1043 01:26:31 Reminds me of something I said not so long ago.
1044 01:26:33 Well
1045 01:26:36 Yeah
1046 01:26:40 What do you assume I do
1047 01:26:42 Assumption
1048 01:26:45 - Don't bitch to me. Bitch to him. - Thanks for the...
1049 01:26:47 You might be in for a pleasant surprise.
1050 01:26:48 ...free advice.
1051 01:26:58 - BERNADETTE: Who is it? - It's me
1052 01:27:05 Your flowers were being mangled. Thought I'd rescue them for you.
1053 01:27:12 Good idea. Thanks.
1054 01:27:25 - What's the matter? - Nothing.
1055 01:27:33 Do you know what your father does for a living?
1056 01:27:36 Yeah.
1057 01:27:41 So I suppose you know he doesn't really like girls then.
1058 01:27:44 Does he have a boyfriend at the moment?
1059 01:27:47 - No. - Neither does mum.
1060 01:27:50 She used to have a girlfriend
1061 01:27:58 Do you want to come play in my room? I've got Lego.
1062 01:28:02 Sure.
1063 01:28:09 Come on
1064 01:28:11 We can't brand the cattle all by ourselves.
1065 01:28:14 Great show last night. You always end a number like that?
1066 01:28:17 - Always. - (WHISTLING)
1067 01:28:21 How'd you like to pick her up every night
1068 01:28:23 Be a pleasure.
1069 01:28:24 I think that might include taking the lady home every evening
1070 01:28:26 - and tucking her into bed
1071 01:28:30 That one's gonna get himself into trouble one day
1072 01:28:32 and if you play your cards right
1073 01:28:35 Come on
1074 01:28:37 (TAKE A LETTER MARIA PLAYING)
1075 01:28:41 Just watch it with the innuendos
1076 01:28:43 At least give me a clear shot at this.
1077 01:28:45 You call dressing up like a Xanadu production number a clear shot?
1078 01:28:49 Come on
1079 01:28:52 He sure as shit isn't.
1080 01:29:08 MARION: Swimming
1081 01:29:13 Rock. Little Rock.
1082 01:29:16 Rock. Rock Hudson.
1083 01:29:18 You silly old gay.
1084 01:29:21 My turn
1085 01:29:22 Okay
1086 01:29:25 Come on
1087 01:29:27 - It's a... - MARION: Person.
1088 01:29:29 FELICIA: A sexy woman. BOB: Cat.
1089 01:29:30 Famous woman.
1090 01:29:34 MARION: Baby. FELICIA: Rocking.
1091 01:29:36 MARION: I know this one.
1092 01:29:37 - BOB: Race horse. - FELICIA: Cat. Scary cat.
1093 01:29:40 Scary moose.
1094 01:29:42 - Scary dog. - BOB: I know
1095 01:29:43 FELICIA: No?
1096 01:29:46 BERNADETTE: Lindy Chamberlain.
1097 01:29:49 That was appalling
1098 01:29:51 - Mum did. - MARION: Lies
1099 01:29:55 Come on
1100 01:30:00 Time is against us
1101 01:30:06 - Come on
1102 01:30:10 - All for one. - FELICIA: Come on
1103 01:30:12 No.
1104 01:30:17 BERNADETTE: Come on
1105 01:30:26 So...
1106 01:30:29 What's it like to finally have a father?
1107 01:30:32 It's okay.
1108 01:30:39 Sorry about last night.
1109 01:30:41 I don't always dress up in women's clothes.
1110 01:30:43 I mean
1111 01:30:49 I mean
1112 01:30:51 like Elvis and Gary Glitter.
1113 01:30:57 ABBA?
1114 01:31:02 I'm not supposed to know about the ABBA show
1115 01:31:05 but I'd really like to see it.
1116 01:31:07 Would you do ABBA for me?
1117 01:31:11 Sure.
1118 01:31:18 You know what I am
1119 01:31:22 Mum says you're the best in the business.
1120 01:31:26 Well
1121 01:31:33 Will you have a boyfriend when we get back to Sydney?
1122 01:31:40 Maybe.
1123 01:31:44 That's good.
1124 01:31:57 - Come on. - Where are we going?
1125 01:31:59 We're gonna unleash the best in the business.
1126 01:32:10 I had a dream.
1127 01:33:50 MITZl: Well
1128 01:33:55 It never ends
1129 01:33:57 All that space.
1130 01:34:05 So what now?
1131 01:34:07 I think I wanna go home.
1132 01:34:12 Me
1133 01:34:15 Well
1134 01:34:35 Hey
1135 01:34:37 Already taken care of
1136 01:34:38 It's at the far end of the men's cubicle.
1137 01:34:41 "For a good time
1138 01:34:42 Hey
1139 01:34:45 That's a good idea.
1140 01:34:46 I've had just about enough of this shitty food. Fucking crawfish.
1141 01:34:48 I don't know. Where the hell do you start?
1142 01:34:50 Stop it. Lay it on the line
1143 01:34:53 That's the key. And if he doesn't like it
1144 01:34:55 He can always buy his own ticket back.
1145 01:34:57 What happens when word gets out that Mitzi's got a minor?
1146 01:34:59 That's your problem
1147 01:35:02 Morals are a choice
1148 01:35:04 when he's good and bloody well ready.
1149 01:35:06 Well
1150 01:35:08 Gotta be joking.
1151 01:35:09 We haven't got Bernadette's shoes up on board yet.
1152 01:35:12 I hate to say this. Wish I was going with you.
1153 01:35:15 Your gas tank will be fine. Your axle may be another matter.
1154 01:35:19 I'm sure the road home will just be filled with bored mechanics
1155 01:35:21 waiting for a bus full of drag queens to spirit them away to a better life.
1156 01:35:24 I wish. We're not even gonna spirit gum at this rate.
1157 01:35:27 - Where the hell's Bernadette? - Here.
1158 01:35:31 Come on
1159 01:35:35 BERNADETTE: In my room.
1160 01:35:38 I'm not going. I've decided to stay here for a while.
1161 01:35:42 Oh
1162 01:35:45 She told me a few weeks back. Just when I was looking for somebody
1163 01:35:48 to handle the guest entertainment while I'm away.
1164 01:35:50 Oh
1165 01:35:51 Who's been playing hide the sausage
1166 01:35:56 That's it. Let's get out of here before I throw up.
1167 01:35:58 Come on
1168 01:36:01 - Hope you can drive. - Hey
1169 01:36:03 (BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1170 01:36:09 You sure?
1171 01:36:12 No
1172 01:36:15 But I'll never know unless I give it a shot.
1173 01:36:33 I'm as jealous as all hell.
1174 01:36:37 Shit. Raccoon time again.
1175 01:36:45 MARION: Bye. BENJl: Bye-bye.
1176 01:36:46 - Don't forget to write. - FELICIA: See you. Wish I was staying.
1177 01:36:48 - Bye. Take care of her now. - Bye-bye!
1178 01:36:51 Bye
1179 01:36:53 FELICIA: Yeah. See you
1180 01:36:55 (MAMMA MIA PLAYING)
1181 01:36:58 (LIP-SYNCHING)
1182 01:37:33 (ALL CHEERING)
1183 01:37:39 (WHISTLING)
1184 01:38:54 (AUDIENCE SINGING ALONG)
1185 01:39:01 (ALL CHEERING)
1186 01:39:37 No
1187 01:39:41 (EXPLOSIONS)
1188 01:39:42 Jesus!
1189 01:39:45 Thank you! Thank you! It's good to be home!
1190 01:39:53 (SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST PLAYING)
1191 01:40:07 (LIP-SYNCHING)
1192 01:43:06 (BIRDS CHIRPING)