再帮个小忙 Another Simple Favor(2025)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:59 Hi, moms. Stephanie here.
2 00:02:01 Welcome back to another"Italian Odyssey" episode
3 00:02:04 of A Pinch of Murder, your one-stop shopfor hot home tips and cold case flips.
4 00:02:08 I'm really thrilled withthe recent surge in viewers,
5 00:02:10 even if most of you are just tuning into see if I die.
6 00:02:14 Um, still on
7 00:02:16 the romantic island of Capri,
8 00:02:18 uh, frankly wishing I knew
9 00:02:21 even un poco italiano right about now,
10 00:02:24 'cause it might help with the police.
11 00:02:27 In hindsight, you know,Babbel would've been a good choice.
12 00:02:30 By the way, use code word"Hi, moms" for 20% off at Babbel.
13 00:02:34 Thanks, guys.
14 00:02:35 Um, anyway,since I'm under house arrest now,
15 00:02:38 a lot of you have been askingwhy I would put myself
16 00:02:41 in this situation in the first place.
17 00:02:43 Which is pretty rich, 'cause, you know,
18 00:02:45 you were all singinga different tune a few days ago.
19 00:02:48 But I want to be clear.
20 00:02:51 I did not kill Emily's husband.
21 00:02:55 Jesus!
22 00:03:02 Okay, um...
23 00:03:04 for those of youwho are just joining us...
24 00:03:09 ...let me fill you in on how we got here.
25 00:03:11 A few days ago, I was running late for,uh, my reading at the Book Nook,
26 00:03:14 and I was packing Miles up for camp,and I was pretty flustered
27 00:03:18 'cause my Smooch is gonna be gonefor a few weeks and--
28 00:03:20 Mom, are you kidding me?!
29 00:03:23 You monogrammed my camp shirts.
30 00:03:25 Everyone's gonna laugh at me.
31 00:03:26 Well, this is way cooler than a name tag.
32 00:03:28 I'll bet the other kidsare gonna be jealous.
33 00:03:29 Don't be mad, Smooch.
34 00:03:32 I don't want to fightin our last few moments together.
35 00:03:34 You don't care about embarrassing me?
36 00:03:35 You monogram my shirts,you call me Smooch,
37 00:03:38 and the kids at school said that yourstupid show got that creepy guy killed.
38 00:03:50 Okay.
39 00:03:51 Miles. Miles.
40 00:03:53 You're right. I'm sorry, okay?
41 00:03:55 You have a mother that listensand who doesn't do that show anymore.
42 00:03:58 Will you grab your swimsuit, 'causeI have to be at the reading by 3:00, okay?
43 00:04:00 Everyone knows you're obsessedwith Nicky's mom.
44 00:04:03 Why'd you have to write a book about it?
45 00:04:05 The other kids tease me, and they sayyou tried to Single White Female her.
46 00:04:08 Okay, she ensnared me for--
47 00:04:10 Your friends have seenSingle White Female?
48 00:04:11 That's a very adult film.
49 00:04:12 God, you're a stalker!
50 00:04:20 I don't wantany phone calls about you biting.
51 00:04:23 Remember, if you can't be smart, be funny,and if you can't be funny, be pretty.
52 00:04:26 Okay, this is dramatic.
53 00:04:28 I know you're lashing outbecause you're worried about
54 00:04:30 being away for an entire month.
55 00:04:31 I need a restraining order.
56 00:04:33 That's very big boy legal language.
57 00:04:36 Oh, come on. I think that, yes,this time apart might be healthy--
58 00:04:38 - For the both of us, I know.- Okay.
59 00:04:40 Stephanie Smothers,are you helicopter parenting again?
60 00:04:43 - No, Darren, I'm not.- Yes, Darren, she is.
61 00:04:45 I've got this.
62 00:04:46 Young lady, please don't get pregnant.
63 00:04:48 Young man, don't get anyone pregnant.
64 00:04:49 - Thanks, Darren.- You're welcome.
65 00:04:50 Geez, Dad, cringy.
66 00:04:52 Aho! That's Lakota for "hello."
67 00:04:54 Sounds more like cultural appropriation.
68 00:04:56 Super. I don't really get you yet,but I will, okay?
69 00:04:59 Campers, let's hop on the bus.
70 00:05:00 - Okay. Bye-bye.- Do you want to...
71 00:05:02 - Yeah.- I love you, too.
72 00:05:03 Mm-hmm.
73 00:05:04 - Okay.- Best of luck.
74 00:05:05 Skin cancer is real.Please wear sunscreen.
75 00:05:07 Call me anytime!
76 00:05:08 Ooh. No calls in or out. Camp rule.
77 00:05:10 - Even better.- That's cool.
78 00:05:11 Go to your assigned bus!
79 00:05:13 We're gonna have the best timeof your lives!
80 00:05:17 No crying.
81 00:05:18 It'll make your eyes red, and we don'twant people to think you're smoking pot.
82 00:05:21 Although maybe we do.It might be good for your brand.
83 00:05:23 - What's wrong with my brand?- You haven't posted a video in months,
84 00:05:25 and you have a book coming out.
85 00:05:27 It hasn't been months.
86 00:05:28 It's been two months and three weeks.
87 00:05:30 Look, I know you went throughquite a shock,
88 00:05:32 but it's time to spring back.
89 00:05:34 The moms of the world miss you.
90 00:05:35 I wrote a book.
91 00:05:37 You did, so let's get you to your reading
92 00:05:38 and sell a shitload of those,Stephanie Smothers.
93 00:05:40 Okay. All right, all right.
94 00:05:45 Why'd she take her channel down?
95 00:05:48 Was it tanking?
96 00:05:49 No, no, no, no. The numbers were good.
97 00:05:50 - Mm.- Oh, too much pressure.
98 00:05:52 Brilliant strategy:
99 00:05:53 disappear from the Internetright before you release a book.
100 00:05:56 Look, I tried to help,
101 00:05:58 but there's only so much I can do.
102 00:06:00 She's-she's tragic.
103 00:06:01 This picture is tragic.
104 00:06:05 So, I'm lobbying fora continuation of the tour,
105 00:06:08 but it's a chicken-or-the-egg problem.
106 00:06:10 You need to sell more booksto justify the tour,
107 00:06:12 but you sell more books on tour.
108 00:06:14 Is the world stupid or am I a genius?
109 00:06:16 - Ben! Hi! You made it!- Hey.
110 00:06:17 Hey, uh, listen,so something happened today,
111 00:06:19 - something you need to know about, so--- Oh, well, look.
112 00:06:21 I know you didn't want to read the book inadvance, which is totally, totally fine,
113 00:06:23 but, uh, you know, you're in it a lot,
114 00:06:25 - and I think I did, like, a good job of...- O-Okay, St-Stephanie, listen.
115 00:06:26 ...yeah, like, paintinga kind of nuanced portrait--
116 00:06:28 - Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie.- Yeah.
117 00:06:29 - Sorry to pull you away.- Oh, my God!
118 00:06:30 - Just...- Everyone,
119 00:06:31 please help me welcome full-time mom,
120 00:06:34 part-time cold case sleuthand breakout true crime writer
121 00:06:38 Stephanie Smothers.
122 00:06:41 Yeah.
123 00:06:42 Hi.
124 00:06:44 Hi, everybody. Uh, thanks for coming.
125 00:06:46 As most of you know,the case of the McLanden sisters,
126 00:06:49 of what Emily, aka Hope McLanden,did to her sister Faith
127 00:06:53 was the biggest thingthat happened in Warfield since the police
128 00:06:55 busted that meth labthat was running out of the senior center.
129 00:06:59 Um, so I wrote this bookbecause, uh, the killer was
130 00:07:02 a mom at our schooland a good friend of mine,
131 00:07:05 and in a way, we were all her victims.
132 00:07:08 "I think about her all the time,
133 00:07:10 the faceless blonde I thought I knew,
134 00:07:12 no photos, no past, a ghost.
135 00:07:15 Was she a glamorous PR executive
136 00:07:17 or a cold-blooded killer?"
137 00:07:18 I'm sorry, the reading's started.
138 00:07:20 "I think about her husband Sean,broken..."
139 00:07:22 You-you can't go in there.
140 00:07:23 "...and her son Nickygrowing up without a mother."
141 00:07:25 Hey.
142 00:07:27 "I think about the small rolethat I played in that...
143 00:07:30 sad... destiny."
144 00:07:45 Boo.
145 00:07:49 Is that...?
146 00:07:51 The cold-blooded killer.
147 00:07:53 Emily.
148 00:07:54 Holy shit.
149 00:07:56 Everyone, this is Emily,
150 00:07:58 the real-life faceless blonde.
151 00:08:01 Except apparently I do have a face.
152 00:08:03 And you're here. How are you here?
153 00:08:05 Did you break out of prison?
154 00:08:06 No, I'm out on appeal.Our legal system is so fucked.
155 00:08:09 Baby, I want to talk aboutthe important stuff.
156 00:08:11 Why isn't your book selling?
157 00:08:12 - It's selling.- Mm, it's not.
158 00:08:14 I feel like... I feel like youleft out all the good stuff.
159 00:08:17 Remind me, what happenedwith your brother again?
160 00:08:19 I tried to tell you. I tried.
161 00:08:22 Oh, hi.
162 00:08:23 Hi. Lovely to see you, Detective.
163 00:08:25 Hmm.
164 00:08:26 You'll be getting a subpoena soon.
165 00:08:28 I have these excellent new attorneys,
166 00:08:30 and they found possibleevidence tampering in my case.
167 00:08:33 Hello, Darren.
168 00:08:34 Terrible shoes.
169 00:08:36 Sorry I hit you with my car.
170 00:08:37 Oh, shit. Forgot about that.
171 00:08:40 Emily, why are you here?
172 00:08:42 You came for vengeancein a suburban bookstore?
173 00:08:44 Stephanie, please. You're my best friend.
174 00:08:47 I mean, you lit my fucking life on fire,but you saved me.
175 00:08:50 You gave me a clean slate.
176 00:08:51 That's why I'm gonna spendthe rest of my life
177 00:08:53 trying to find ways to thank you.
178 00:08:55 That's the most terrifying thingshe's said yet.
179 00:08:58 Okay, that's complete bullshit.
180 00:09:00 It's true.
181 00:09:01 Thanks to you, I'm getting married.
182 00:09:04 How did that happen?
183 00:09:05 Oh, you know, the good old-fashioned way.
184 00:09:07 - Bathroom sex?- No one knows me like you do.
185 00:09:10 Which is why I, um...
186 00:09:12 which is why I cameto ask you something.
187 00:09:15 Uh, Stephanie Smothers, will you, uh...
188 00:09:18 Oh. Will you be my maid of honor?
189 00:09:22 Oh, she's definitely fucking with you.
190 00:09:23 It's a trick.She's gonna get you alone and kill you.
191 00:09:27 Poison you or stab you.
192 00:09:28 She's gonna make it look like a suicide.
193 00:09:29 - I'm aware of that.- Holy fuck.
194 00:09:31 Is it maybe just a little bit possiblethat I've changed?
195 00:09:34 No.
196 00:09:36 Stephanie, baby, please, come on.
197 00:09:37 Don't do this. I hate when we fight.
198 00:09:39 - Come-- No, no, no.- Get away from me.
199 00:09:40 I-I was the best thingthat ever happened to you.
200 00:09:41 We both know it.You-you stopped apologizing.
201 00:09:43 You fucked my husband.
202 00:09:45 He was such a crotch rot.Thank you for that, by the way.
203 00:09:47 You wrote a book based on me,and you built an entirely new life.
204 00:09:50 Like, why am I having to beg you?
205 00:09:52 - You owe me.- The fuck I do.
206 00:09:54 Mm, you do.
207 00:09:55 Okay, let's agree to disagree.You need me.
208 00:09:58 You're gonna watch your salesand your followers soar
209 00:10:00 as you maid-of-honor the shitout of the woman
210 00:10:03 who tried to murder youat the wedding of the decade.
211 00:10:07 Did I mention it was in Capri?
212 00:10:09 Capri?
213 00:10:10 Yes, she is in.
214 00:10:11 We're all in. Thank you.
215 00:10:13 You can't just come in hereand bulldoze me, Emily.
216 00:10:14 I'm not as nice as I used to be.
217 00:10:16 Oh, sweetie, you were never nice.
218 00:10:18 You were just afraid to be mean.
219 00:10:19 Okay, then I'm less afraid.
220 00:10:21 Perfect, then prove it.
221 00:10:22 And if I do try to murder you,it'll make an amazing sequel.
222 00:10:27 Okay, I'll see you 9:00 a.m. Wednesdayon my fiancé's private plane.
223 00:10:30 Oh, and if you don't come,
224 00:10:32 I'm gonna have to sue you into oblivionfor using my name and likeness
225 00:10:36 without my express written consent.
226 00:10:38 Don't try me, Bubba.
227 00:10:40 Love you so much.
228 00:10:42 - Can she sue me?- Plausibly.
229 00:10:44 Yeah, lawsuits can be a real killer.
230 00:10:46 You shouldn't risk it. Just go to Capri.
231 00:10:48 Shut up, Darren.
232 00:10:52 You know, Emily is right.
233 00:10:53 The book needs a boost.
234 00:10:55 - And that sequel thing...- The sequel where I'm murdered?
235 00:10:57 - Uh...- Hi. Are you gonna start
236 00:10:59 doing your show againnow that you can follow
237 00:11:01 the faceless blonde on another adventure?
238 00:11:03 Follow? I...
239 00:11:04 She's the one who can't leave me alone.It doesn't matter.
240 00:11:06 Oh, yeah, yeah, totally.
241 00:11:08 So please sign it, "To Bernice,"
242 00:11:09 and can you date the signaturejust in case you don't make it back?
243 00:11:14 I don't think we need to...to do that, no.
244 00:11:19 What is Emily up to? This is so crazy.
245 00:11:21 And crazy sells books!
246 00:11:23 Do you think Hunter S. Thompsonwould turn down this opportunity?
247 00:11:25 Hunter S. Thompson was addicted to cocaineand did not have a ten-year-old son.
248 00:11:28 I get it. I'm sorry.
249 00:11:30 It's just the boxed wine talking.
250 00:11:31 You know what? Take care of yourself.
251 00:11:33 Don't worry about true crime.Write a cookbook.
252 00:11:46 I hit up all my sources.
253 00:11:47 No one knows anything aboutthis fiancé of hers.
254 00:11:49 Summerville said that, this morning,a team of high-powered lawyers showed up,
255 00:11:52 and an hour later,Emily walked out of prison.
256 00:11:54 I went down to the courthouse,and I checked the court records.
257 00:11:56 There's no indication of who hired them.
258 00:11:57 She's definitely up to something.
259 00:11:59 She's just gonna be up to itin the most gorgeous place on Earth.
260 00:12:02 Yeah, but what does she wantto do to me there?
261 00:12:04 I mean, she wants me there for a reason.I don't think it's to be a maid of honor.
262 00:12:08 Maybe she really did change in prison?
263 00:12:12 I mean,marrying somebody with enough money
264 00:12:14 to have a private jetand get you out of jail?
265 00:12:17 I mean, that could definitelynormal you the fuck out.
266 00:12:19 No, no, no. I don't buy it.
267 00:12:22 Well, since you're too busy buildinga murder board in your head
268 00:12:25 to check your feed...
269 00:12:27 Holy shit, 42,000 likes?
270 00:12:29 Yeah, and that's just one of the manyvideos of your showdown at your reading.
271 00:12:36 Stephanie?
272 00:12:39 You'll forgive meif I'm a little paranoid.
273 00:12:42 God.
274 00:12:44 Got to figure out what she's up to.
275 00:12:46 So?
276 00:12:49 Are you gonna go?
277 00:13:01 ♪ You don't own me ♪
278 00:13:04 ♪ I'm not just one of your many toys ♪
279 00:13:08 ♪ You don't own me ♪
280 00:13:12 ♪ Don't say I can't go with other boys ♪
281 00:13:18 ♪ And don't tell me what to do ♪
282 00:13:22 ♪ Don't tell me what to say...
283 00:13:26 This is nice.
284 00:13:27 Your tits are nice.
285 00:13:29 Come on. We're late.
286 00:13:30 Sorry, Vicky had to pick up some stuff.
287 00:13:34 - That's the toiletries.- Yes, ma'am.
288 00:13:36 Uh-huh. Okay, yeah.
289 00:13:37 You brought your fucking assistantto my wedding?
290 00:13:39 She's my book agent.
291 00:13:41 And she's an insurance policy.
292 00:13:42 Oh.
293 00:13:44 'Cause I won't kill you both?
294 00:13:46 You're cute.
295 00:13:50 Hi, moms.
296 00:13:51 Stephanie here, on the way
297 00:13:52 to the faceless blonde's Capri wedding.
298 00:13:55 I think I'm probablygonna take a long nap.
299 00:13:57 I'm just gonna curl up,and I'll see you guys...
300 00:14:01 Oh, perfect.
301 00:14:02 Ma'am, no filming on board.
302 00:14:03 It violates the passengers' privacy.
303 00:14:05 Oh, sorry.
304 00:14:06 I-I didn't realizethere would be so many people.
305 00:14:08 Thought my carbon footprintwould be a little higher.
306 00:14:11 Makes me feel more glamorous.
307 00:14:14 You got it.
308 00:14:16 All gone.
309 00:14:27 Oh, my God, this flight is full of A-list.
310 00:14:29 Who the hell is Emily marrying?
311 00:14:31 I don't know, but I want one.
312 00:14:33 Listen, I know how this sounds,
313 00:14:35 but murdering her sisterreally upped Emily's game.
314 00:14:37 Do you know how that sounds?
315 00:14:38 This kind of glamour and intrigue is
316 00:14:40 exactly why we're here,so we should be live streaming.
317 00:14:42 They won't let me use my phone.
318 00:14:43 Oh, then start secretly banking stuff,
319 00:14:45 and use this into-the-lion's-den scenario
320 00:14:47 as a way to get you another book deal.
321 00:14:50 Time to get eaten by the lion.
322 00:14:51 Mm-hmm.
323 00:14:55 Hey, are you friends with Emily's fiancé?
324 00:14:57 The toilet's clogged,and my seat won't recline-- 3A.
325 00:15:01 I don't work here, but...
326 00:15:11 No photography.
327 00:15:14 As I believe we discussed.
328 00:15:15 Oh, sure, but, you know,
329 00:15:17 how much privacydoes leaded crystal really need?
330 00:15:21 Okay. It's going in my pocket.
331 00:15:30 You're so funny.
332 00:15:32 Looks like you could use this.
333 00:15:36 It's 10:00 a.m.
334 00:15:38 Not in Capri.
335 00:15:43 Jesus Christ.
336 00:15:45 This again? I'm not gonna poison you.
337 00:15:47 It's not my style.
338 00:15:48 You have the duration of this flightto chill the fuck out.
339 00:15:50 I want you goddamn sparkling when we land.
340 00:15:52 Do you hear me?
341 00:15:53 This is really fucking weird, man.
342 00:15:55 Mm, yeah, I know.
343 00:15:57 Just go with it.
344 00:15:58 You excited for my bachelorette party?
345 00:16:00 Oh, yeah. These guys seem awesome.
346 00:16:04 Yeah, they're kind of the worst.
347 00:16:05 They're his family's friends.
348 00:16:06 Oh, God, wait till you meetthe cunt-in-law.
349 00:16:08 Oopsie.
350 00:16:09 Hmm. I missed you.
351 00:16:12 Want to get out of here?
352 00:16:13 Where? The luggage compartment?
353 00:16:14 Come on, baby girl.
354 00:16:18 Wow. Classy.
355 00:16:21 Did you get me a stripper? Is it you?
356 00:16:22 Oh, you wish.
357 00:16:24 It's his family's style.
358 00:16:25 They swing money aroundlike a baseball bat.
359 00:16:28 - Sure.- Lucky me.
360 00:16:29 Who's the lucky guy?
361 00:16:32 - DV?- What, are you writing a book?
362 00:16:35 His name's Dante Versano.
363 00:16:36 Old money, but, you know,cute enough to fuck eyes open.
364 00:16:39 Total alpha male, like me.
365 00:16:41 Not a little snatch like Sean.
366 00:16:43 Do you know Sean never took Nickyto visit me in jail, not once?
367 00:16:46 I haven't seen my kid in five years.
368 00:16:47 Maybe he thought it was dangerous.
369 00:16:49 It's jail.The bad guys are already locked up.
370 00:16:51 Wait, I'm sorry.
371 00:16:53 Are you defending him?
372 00:16:55 'Cause he wasn't exactly a dream datefor you, either, husband-fucker.
373 00:16:58 Good one. You got me.
374 00:17:00 Oh, how'd you meet Dante?
375 00:17:02 I moved to Rome for a minutewhen I was in my 20s.
376 00:17:05 I was totally broke but in heaven.
377 00:17:07 It was all so big and dangerousand cunty and chic.
378 00:17:11 Rome, not my job.
379 00:17:13 My job was just at a dive bar,but that's where I met Dante.
380 00:17:16 He was just-- oh, he was gorgeous
381 00:17:18 and... and so sweet.
382 00:17:20 And we struck up a real connection,
383 00:17:23 and he taught me Italian.
384 00:17:25 You know? In all the ways.
385 00:17:27 Everyone was talking about us,even the local press.
386 00:17:30 I was calling myself Olivia back then.
387 00:17:31 Bathroom, 20 seconds.
388 00:17:33 Knock twice.
389 00:17:34 You know, obviouslyall that attention spooked me, so...
390 00:17:37 I had to leave town, and...
391 00:17:39 yeah, I just, I don't know,wrote it off as a, as a tryst.
392 00:17:43 I thought he forgot about it.
393 00:17:45 This guy, I mean, he could have...he could have anyone, but alas.
394 00:17:49 So you reconnected after all these years,
395 00:17:51 told him your real name--your new real name--
396 00:17:52 and he took you backeven though you were in jail.
397 00:17:55 Yeah, I mean, I do kind of owe you.
398 00:17:57 He saw me on the news, thanks to you.
399 00:17:59 Tracked me down,and we picked up like no time was lost.
400 00:18:02 Who knows? Play your cards right,
401 00:18:03 I might end up dead againand you can fuck this one, too.
402 00:18:05 Aw, you having fun?
403 00:18:07 I mean, this is why you brought me, right?Keep 'em coming.
404 00:18:09 Oh, lighten up.
405 00:18:10 I am busting your balls.
406 00:18:12 You need to get laid.
407 00:18:13 Jesus, I get laid plenty.
408 00:18:15 Oh. Do you?
409 00:18:17 Do tell.
410 00:18:19 Look who started getting nastyafter I went to the slammer.
411 00:18:21 And look who's willing to dowhatever it takes not to go back.
412 00:18:30 You think I'm not really in love
413 00:18:33 or you think no one could love me?
414 00:18:35 That's not what I said, but...
415 00:18:39 it's telling.
416 00:18:42 Why am I here?
417 00:18:44 You think I invited you to get revenge?
418 00:18:46 For stealing my lifeand taking my kid away from me?
419 00:18:50 You think I want to make you pay?
420 00:18:52 I don't know. Do you?
421 00:18:56 I don't think so.
422 00:19:34 - Morning, babe.- Oh, I missed you.
423 00:19:36 Miss you so much.
424 00:19:37 Oh, I missed you more. Let's go.
425 00:19:39 - How was the trip?- Let's go. So good.
426 00:19:40 - Oh, no, no, you have to meet her first.- Oh. Who?
427 00:19:42 - Hi.- Oh. Oh, this must be the maid of honor.
428 00:19:44 - Ah.- What a lovely creature.
429 00:19:46 Oh. Yes, I'm Stephanie.
430 00:19:47 Oh, I told you he lays it on thick.
431 00:19:49 Does he have a brother?
432 00:19:50 Why? Are you into fucking brothers?
433 00:19:53 Sadly, I'm an only child.
434 00:19:55 Oh, that's too bad.
435 00:19:56 That's just a-- we've got a--She's so funny.
436 00:19:59 - She's funny, huh?- How is the monster-in-law?
437 00:20:02 - Very excited for the wedding.- Uh-huh.
438 00:20:03 She said she has a surprise for you.
439 00:20:05 It's your day.
440 00:20:07 - I won't let anything ruin it, baby.- Okay.
441 00:20:09 Can somebody help mewith my fucking bags?!
442 00:20:13 Okay.
443 00:20:15 I should just jump in one of these cars?
444 00:21:43 Asshole!What the fuck are you doing?
445 00:21:48 Excuse me. I didn't recognize you.
446 00:21:51 I'm sorry. I will move immediately.
447 00:21:52 Stupid fuck.
448 00:21:55 I'm so sorry, ladies.
449 00:21:56 I-I hope that didn't cause youtoo much distress.
450 00:21:58 We're fine. Thank you.
451 00:22:00 No.
452 00:22:01 Well, welcome to Italy.
453 00:22:05 Who is this guy?
454 00:22:18 For God's sake. Nicky!
455 00:22:20 Can you cut it out with the drone, please?
456 00:22:21 You're gonna give me a brain aneurysmover here or something.
457 00:22:23 I can put it on stealth mode.
458 00:22:25 - Well, why do you have to run it at all?- I'm looking for Mom.
459 00:22:28 You don't need a droneto find your mom, okay?
460 00:22:30 Just follow the trail of destruction.
461 00:22:35 Oh. Hey, Nicky, Nicky!
462 00:22:36 Mom!
463 00:22:38 My baby!
464 00:22:39 Oh, look how big you are.
465 00:22:41 You got so big and red.
466 00:22:43 Oh, my God. This is my boy.
467 00:22:45 - Hey, what's up?- This is Nicky.
468 00:22:46 - I hate that I missed a moment.- Me, too.
469 00:22:48 Your being in prisongave me street cred at school,
470 00:22:50 and my friends loved reading your letters.
471 00:22:52 Yeah, and they got you expelled,didn't they?
472 00:22:54 - Three schools in two years.- We're just gonna
473 00:22:56 have to find him a schoolwithout a stick up its ass, huh, Bubba?
474 00:22:59 Stephanie?
475 00:23:00 Hello, sir.
476 00:23:01 What are you--
477 00:23:02 Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I forgot.
478 00:23:05 - Stephanie's coming.- Right.
479 00:23:06 Hey, do you remember Stephanie, baby?
480 00:23:07 Yeah, Dad fucked her.
481 00:23:08 - Mm! Mm.- Where did you learn
482 00:23:10 - language like that, sir?- Jesus.
483 00:23:12 Nicky, I just want to say I'm so sorryabout everything that happened.
484 00:23:16 Oh, no, don't-don't... don't be.
485 00:23:17 I mean, you weren't an assholelike my dad or anything.
486 00:23:21 Asshole dad.
487 00:23:23 - Yep.- Yep.
488 00:23:24 And Miles is pretty cool, too.
489 00:23:26 I know Miles misses you a lot.
490 00:23:28 Me, too.
491 00:23:29 I mean, things just got fucked, so--
492 00:23:31 - Jesus Christ.- Okay.
493 00:23:32 - Oh, wow.- You know, I try with the swearing,
494 00:23:34 but what's the fucking point these days?
495 00:23:36 - Can you not be day drunk around my kid?- Day drunk?
496 00:23:39 Yeah, it might helpif you sober up a little.
497 00:23:40 You're judging me, are you?
498 00:23:41 We're all here because of youand your fucking wedding or whatever--
499 00:23:45 My love, Dante, this is my baby mama Sean.
500 00:23:47 - Oh, yeah. Hey, it's the one.- Uh-huh, yeah.
501 00:23:49 Yeah, yeah.
502 00:23:50 Hi. It means a great dealthat you're here.
503 00:23:53 Oh. I mean, the courts ordered meto drag my son across an ocean,
504 00:23:57 so you must be paying your lawyersan awful amount, because we're here.
505 00:24:02 Yeah.
506 00:24:04 I'm still glad that you're hereto celebrate our marriage.
507 00:24:07 - Well, "celebrate" is...- Oh, yeah.
508 00:24:09 ...quite the strong word,because I would rather shave my balls
509 00:24:12 with a rusty knifethan be at this wedding.
510 00:24:14 - Oh, let me do that for you.- Yeah?
511 00:24:16 - Please.- Yeah.
512 00:24:17 But you know what?
513 00:24:18 Here we are.
514 00:24:20 Anyway, it's your funeral, pal.
515 00:24:24 I'm off to the pool.
516 00:24:25 I'm gonna go find somebodyI haven't fucked.
517 00:24:31 - Bye.- Hey, we're gonna go upstairs.
518 00:24:33 I got to get ready for the lunch.
519 00:24:34 You must always give the audiencewhat they came for.
520 00:24:36 - Yes.- Take notes.
521 00:24:37 Bubby, it's okay.Come on, come on, come on.
522 00:24:39 - It is not okay. It's not okay.- It's okay.
523 00:24:44 Yeah, I don't think you have to worryabout Emily killing you
524 00:24:46 because they're all gonnakill each other first.
525 00:25:25 The toilet's clogged.
526 00:25:28 That needs to stop happening.
527 00:25:33 Oh. For you, friend.
528 00:25:40 Wonderful.
529 00:25:43 There she is.
530 00:25:45 Fancy meeting you here.
531 00:25:47 You know, I still can't believethat you came to this.
532 00:25:51 - Oh, I couldn't miss out on all the fun.- Mm-hmm.
533 00:25:53 - How are you holding up?- I'm good.
534 00:25:55 As long as they keep plying mewith enough booze
535 00:25:57 to kill a small show pony, I'll be fine.
536 00:25:59 Great.
537 00:26:02 I am curious, though.
538 00:26:03 What did she say to youto convince you to come to this farce?
539 00:26:07 Oh, um, a little emotional blackmail,a potential lawsuit,
540 00:26:10 sort of dangling my livelihoodover my head.
541 00:26:12 - Mm.- You know, just girlfriend stuff.
542 00:26:13 Well, here's to murderous girlfriendsand murderous exes,
543 00:26:18 and of course congratulationsfor all your success.
544 00:26:21 Thanks.
545 00:26:29 Whoa.
546 00:26:30 We think this is for real?
547 00:26:32 They seem happy.
548 00:26:33 No.
549 00:26:34 Well, Emily has a very short list
550 00:26:38 of people that she cares about:
551 00:26:40 Nicky and Emily.
552 00:26:42 End of list.
553 00:26:44 You and I, we don't even make that cut.
554 00:26:46 Especially not thatItalian Stallion over there.
555 00:26:53 Well, my mom always saidholding a grudge was like
556 00:26:56 drinking poison and waitingfor the other person to die.
557 00:27:00 Same old Stephanie.
558 00:27:02 Softball advicewith a side of zucchini muffins,
559 00:27:04 which if I remember correctly,were some of
560 00:27:06 the most delicious thingsthat I've ever had in my mouth.
561 00:27:08 That took a weird turn, Sean.
562 00:27:11 - Come on.- You still make those, though, right?
563 00:27:13 Yeah, I-- yes, I still enjoy baking.
564 00:27:16 And you're phenomenal at it.
565 00:27:17 And you match thatwith the whole crime solving thing,
566 00:27:20 and... amazing.
567 00:27:23 I read your book, by the way.
568 00:27:25 I think I came to the conclusion that, um,
569 00:27:27 the only thingthat you and I had in common
570 00:27:30 was that we were both obsessed with Emily.
571 00:27:34 Obsession? Sean.
572 00:27:36 Seriously, Stephanie, listen to me.
573 00:27:38 If a grudge is self-inflicted poison,
574 00:27:42 then the person who invited youto this wedding
575 00:27:44 is the most poisoned personthat I have ever met.
576 00:27:49 She doesn't let go.
577 00:27:51 And you are the biggest grudgeof her life.
578 00:27:55 That so?
579 00:28:02 Don't trust her for a minute.
580 00:28:06 Anyhoos, if we're not going to be fucking,then I am off to cement my reputation
581 00:28:11 as the drunken malcontent of an ex.
582 00:28:13 Wish me luck.
583 00:28:28 Hi, moms. Stephanie here.
584 00:28:31 Uh, all the way in Capri,still safe and sound so far.
585 00:28:34 Check out this place, huh?
586 00:28:35 Good thing they put up all the flowers.
587 00:28:37 Otherwise, these ancient ruinswould be real disappointing.
588 00:28:45 - Give me the phone now.- Whoa!
589 00:28:46 Jesus Christ!
590 00:28:47 What's the problem?
591 00:28:49 If Signor Bartolo sees thishe will crush the phone...
592 00:28:52 and throw the woman off the cliff.
593 00:28:54 It's all good. Go. Go! Now!
594 00:29:01 What is that?Why do they have guns?
595 00:29:02 Because that makes killing efficient.Can you put that thing away?
596 00:29:05 It's go-- I didn't--
597 00:29:06 - I wasn't doing anything.- Just don't let them--
598 00:29:07 He already saw you. Uh, Matteo saw you.
599 00:29:09 - Just-just do what he says, okay?- Who--
600 00:29:11 What? Okay, all right.
601 00:29:12 The families are on a truce.
602 00:29:15 Hey, look at me.
603 00:29:16 - Stop that.- We agreed with the rules.
604 00:29:18 No pictures of the Bartolos at this event.
605 00:29:20 She didn't understand. She--
606 00:29:22 Miss America, delete everything you haveon your phone, okay?
607 00:29:25 - Right now.- Matteo, Matteo, Matteo, Matteo, Matteo.
608 00:29:27 Calm down, everyone, okay?
609 00:29:30 Stephanie is a visitor.
610 00:29:31 - She didn't know that. Yeah.- Oh, yes.
611 00:29:33 I didn't know.
612 00:29:34 She didn't know. She's a visitor.
613 00:29:35 - Yeah.- Yes. And whose fault is that?
614 00:29:38 Huh?
615 00:29:39 You're the onewho continues to bring
616 00:29:41 fucking Americans into our business.
617 00:29:42 Please stay calm. I'll handle her.
618 00:29:45 I'll handle this.
619 00:29:46 Okay, baby.Baby, baby. I'll-I'll deal with him.
620 00:29:48 I'll deal with him.
621 00:29:49 Don't worry, baby. Don't worry.
622 00:29:51 First of all...
623 00:29:52 we're not doing business.
624 00:29:54 There won't be a single photoof a Bartolo.
625 00:29:59 I won't allow it.
626 00:30:01 I'm going for a walk.
627 00:30:04 I'm going with him. See you later.
628 00:30:05 Yeah, I got you.
629 00:30:07 So hot, right?
630 00:30:09 Dante's in the Mob?
631 00:30:10 The Bartolos and Versanosare business rivals.
632 00:30:12 - Everybody here's in the Mob?- Stop saying "Mob"
633 00:30:15 or you're gonna get us both whacked.
634 00:30:17 Look at your face.
635 00:30:19 Yeah, but seriously, don't say it.
636 00:30:20 'Cause they won't whack me,
637 00:30:22 but, you know, they might whack you, so--Come on.
638 00:30:24 Close your mouth. Shut the fuck up.Let's get a drink.
639 00:30:30 These are real.They're not... they're not fake.
640 00:30:33 I swear.
641 00:30:34 - Mama.- Oh.
642 00:30:36 You look amazing.
643 00:30:37 No amount of fashion can rescuethis marriage from disaster.
644 00:30:41 - Oh, lovely.- Mama.
645 00:30:42 Mama Portia, good to see you.
646 00:30:45 This is Stephanie. Stephanie Smothers,
647 00:30:47 - this is Portia Versano.- Yeah.
648 00:30:48 Hi. It's nice to meet you.You look beautiful.
649 00:30:50 Oh, coming from you,that means very little.
650 00:30:53 Let's eat.
651 00:30:54 God, Mama.
652 00:30:56 I'm in love with her.
653 00:31:01 Everyone!
654 00:31:02 Before we begin, I have a surprise for
655 00:31:07 the charming woman who has kidnappedmy Dante's heart.
656 00:31:10 - I hate surprises.- I don't know what it is.
657 00:31:13 - Tell me what it is.- I don't know, my love. Honestly.
658 00:31:15 I was truly upsetwhen Dante told me that Emily had
659 00:31:19 no one to stand by her side at the weddingexcept for a relative stranger.
660 00:31:23 Oh, I'm not a stranger. She--
661 00:31:25 Oh, poor Olivia--
662 00:31:26 Oh, I apologize. Emily.
663 00:31:28 - Oh.- And so, my dear Emily,
664 00:31:32 this is my wedding gift to you.
665 00:31:36 The gift of your own true family.
666 00:31:42 Your dear, dear mother Margaret.
667 00:31:51 Wave, wave.
668 00:31:54 Baby, uh...
669 00:31:57 - You fucking cunt.- Mama...
670 00:31:59 I'm so happy I came.
671 00:32:02 - Ow.- Oh, just come on, walk.
672 00:32:04 See, now?I said I didn't want to be in Italy.
673 00:32:07 - I want to be home with Bruce.- Bruce is dead, honey.
674 00:32:10 We keep talking about thisover and over again.
675 00:32:12 - I know.- Come on.
676 00:32:13 Oh! Monkey face!
677 00:32:15 Oh.
678 00:32:17 Oh, my gosh, I haven't seen yousince you were a baby.
679 00:32:20 But you prob-- oh, you probablydon't remember me.
680 00:32:22 It's your Auntie Linda.
681 00:32:23 Oh.
682 00:32:24 I delivered you and your sister.
683 00:32:25 - Yeah, uh, so my mom told us.- Mm-hmm.
684 00:32:28 Yeah. I thought she made you up.
685 00:32:29 I didn't make her up.
686 00:32:31 She ushered you all in, from Hell.
687 00:32:33 Now, Margaret, be nice.
688 00:32:35 They came out of your womb,for goodness' sake.
689 00:32:37 Look what a gorgeous young woman you've
690 00:32:39 - grown up to be.- Mm.
691 00:32:40 I have to tell you,I tried to track you down forever,
692 00:32:42 but it's like you just disappearedoff the face of the earth.
693 00:32:45 But now look at us.
694 00:32:46 - I'm here at your wedding!- Yeah.
695 00:32:48 Come, say hi to your mother.Margaret, look who's here.
696 00:32:50 - It's your daughter.- Yeah.
697 00:32:53 Faith?
698 00:32:54 No, honey, Faith is dead. It's Hope.
699 00:32:56 Hope?
700 00:32:57 Hello, Mother. You look different.
701 00:33:00 - I had work done.- Huh.
702 00:33:03 Is that your son?
703 00:33:04 Yeah. Okay, yeah.
704 00:33:06 - You don't need to-- You can just--- Are you really my grandma?
705 00:33:09 Yeah, this is her. Yeah.
706 00:33:10 Oh. Oh.
707 00:33:13 Demon spawn.
708 00:33:14 - I'm sorry, what?- Child of Satan.
709 00:33:16 It's alive.
710 00:33:19 Arsonist. Murderer.
711 00:33:20 You crazy old witch,you ruined my childhood.
712 00:33:23 I'm not gonna let you ruin his.
713 00:33:24 - Okay?- Linda, where is Bruce?
714 00:33:26 No, you stay away from me.
715 00:33:27 Everybody, listen.
716 00:33:28 When she started bleeding,I wanted them to sterilize her,
717 00:33:31 but they wouldn't do it, would they? No.
718 00:33:33 They didn't understandthat there is evil inside her,
719 00:33:37 and evil is the only thingthat can come out.
720 00:33:39 Margaret. It's okay, everybody.It's just a bit of jet lag.
721 00:33:42 Now, Margaret, nobody likes to hear yougo all fire and brimstone.
722 00:33:45 Let's go back to the hotel,and we'll get you a Gibson.
723 00:33:47 - Thank you.- Yes, come--
724 00:33:49 You know, Linda, I know what you did.
725 00:33:51 Yeah, I saw the ashes.
726 00:33:53 I mean, who burns a baby?
727 00:33:55 Right?
728 00:33:56 Oh.
729 00:33:59 Uh, sorry.She'll, uh, she'll be right as rain
730 00:34:00 after a couple Gibsons and a-a nap.
731 00:34:03 Thank you so much.My-my Bubba. Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
732 00:34:06 - Are you okay?- Your mom's a big fat dick.
733 00:34:08 My mom, my mom...
734 00:34:36 What's so funny?
735 00:34:37 I mean, what's not funny?
736 00:34:40 You know, Emily tried to play outsome revenge fantasy
737 00:34:43 by getting us to come to this bollocks,
738 00:34:45 and then she gets outplayedby her future mother-in-law.
739 00:34:49 I mean,I couldn't write it better myself.
740 00:34:52 You couldn't writea grocery list yourself.
741 00:34:55 Oh. How original.
742 00:34:57 I mean, I thought you might havegone wittier with your stint in prison,
743 00:35:00 but I guess you were too busyfinger-banging your cellmates.
744 00:35:03 I mean, what's next,some sort of withering put-down
745 00:35:05 about the size of my penis?
746 00:35:07 Oh, God, no. No, no.
747 00:35:08 I actually thought it was a belly button.
748 00:35:09 Honestly, for, like, a year straight.
749 00:35:10 Mm, a belly button.
750 00:35:12 Well, in comparedto your cavernous vagina, sure.
751 00:35:15 You know, sometimesI thought I was fucking
752 00:35:17 a wind sock in a rainstorm.
753 00:35:21 You're a fucking psychopath!
754 00:35:23 Your entire family are psychopaths.
755 00:35:26 And what's more, you're marryingsome sort of budget mafioso.
756 00:35:31 No court in the world'sgonna turn me down.
757 00:35:34 What the fuck are you talking about?
758 00:35:36 Oh, I didn't tell you?
759 00:35:38 I'm petitioning for full custody of Nicky.
760 00:35:41 Oh, shit.
761 00:35:42 What, you don't let me seemy kid for five years,
762 00:35:44 and then you think you're gonnatake him away from me forever?
763 00:35:47 No. No.
764 00:35:49 Sean, do you want to, um,have the conversation somewhere el--
765 00:35:52 You ruined my fucking life!
766 00:35:55 First they thought I was a murderer,
767 00:35:57 and then they thought I wassome sort of pathetic loser
768 00:35:59 because I couldn't keepsome Internet-famous housewife happy.
769 00:36:02 I'm a literary pariah,
770 00:36:04 and all because I stuck my dickinto the both of you.
771 00:36:06 Enough! Shut the fuck up!
772 00:36:09 Shut the fuck up.
773 00:36:13 That's enough.
774 00:36:24 With all respect,I think it's time for you to go.
775 00:36:27 With all due respect, fuck you.
776 00:36:32 And suck my dick.
777 00:36:40 Wow.
778 00:36:42 What a familyyou're marrying into, figlio mio.
779 00:36:45 Of all the peopleyou could have married,
780 00:36:46 - you had to choose this one.- Can you
781 00:36:51 Is there anybody who wants dessert?
782 00:36:55 I guess I'll go talk to her.
783 00:37:21 What's going on?
784 00:37:22 What a fucking mess.
785 00:37:24 Do you know what I'd do to Seanif I wasn't so close to being free?
786 00:37:26 Drown him in a lake?
787 00:37:30 Come on, it's a joke.
788 00:37:31 You know, this is all your fault.
789 00:37:33 If you would've just let me disappearafter my sister died,
790 00:37:35 I could've collected that insurance money,taken Nicky away.
791 00:37:38 I wouldn't have had to dealwith any of this shit.
792 00:37:40 Sure. But how would you havegotten him away from Sean?
793 00:37:49 You know, back in, uh, back in the day,
794 00:37:51 this place was runby this dude named Tiberius.
795 00:37:53 He was the emperor.
796 00:37:55 And he became known for this...
797 00:37:57 this charming little thingcalled the Leap of Tiberius.
798 00:37:59 Basically, he just invited people here
799 00:38:01 to be an entertaining diversion,to amuse him.
800 00:38:05 But if they didn't amuse him, he...
801 00:38:08 he threw them off the fucking cliff.
802 00:38:13 Huh.
803 00:38:14 Maybe that's why I brought you here.
804 00:38:19 To be my entertaining diversion, you know,with your whole mommy crime hour and your,
805 00:38:23 "Oh, no, what's Emilygonna do to me next?"
806 00:38:28 All that pearl clutching of yours.
807 00:38:33 But I'm not feeling entertained.
808 00:38:37 Or amused.
809 00:38:47 You know, if you toss me off a cliff,you'll never see Nicky again.
810 00:38:57 Huh.
811 00:39:01 I'm not gonna throw you off a cliff, baby.
812 00:39:04 You're my maid of honor. I need you.
813 00:39:07 Sean, on the other hand...
814 00:39:13 Okay.
815 00:39:14 I'm going back to this event from Hell.
816 00:39:16 I'll see you laterat my bachelorette party.
817 00:39:18 Oh, I'm a little jet laggy,
818 00:39:19 - so I'm probably just gonna skip it.- No, no, no.
819 00:39:21 Go back to the hotel, take a nap.
820 00:39:23 I'd skip this thing if I could.
821 00:39:25 And wear a bathing suit.
822 00:39:26 If you stand me up,I will toss you off the fucking cliff.
823 00:39:48 Come on, Steph.
824 00:39:50 Stephanie.
825 00:39:55 Come on!
826 00:39:58 Fuck!
827 00:40:00 Stupid fucking dick again!
828 00:40:14 Hello?
829 00:40:17 I don't need room service, thank you.
830 00:40:20 Unless you're Dante's mom.Then come on in.
831 00:40:24 The fuck?
832 00:40:26 I don't want to talk to you.
833 00:40:28 Get out of here. Ow.
834 00:40:32 Why would you do that?
835 00:40:36 Fuck.
836 00:41:11 Hi, moms.
837 00:41:12 Stephanie here. Still alive. So far.
838 00:41:15 I'm just heading to the poolfor the bachelorette party.
839 00:41:17 Hope I'm not the first person there.
840 00:41:19 You're late.
841 00:41:21 You remember Emily.
842 00:41:23 Hi, Stephanie fans.
843 00:41:25 Do your fans have a label?
844 00:41:27 The Smotherettes?The Smother Me To Deaths?
845 00:41:30 It's a branding opportunity.You need to be on this shit.
846 00:41:32 No one else is coming?
847 00:41:34 - No one else was invited.- Oh.
848 00:41:36 This way, we have the placeall to ourselves.
849 00:41:37 Oh, how about the Steph Infections?
850 00:41:40 Catchy, layered. Love. Vote on it, ladies.
851 00:41:42 We don't need to vote. I don't think we--
852 00:41:44 - Yeah, we do.- Oh, they're voting. Oh.
853 00:41:45 Wow. Well, I'm gonna sign off.
854 00:41:48 If I die, show this video to the police!
855 00:41:50 - Ah! Oh, my God!- Oh, my God, she's hilarious.
856 00:41:52 She did it!
857 00:41:53 Oh, but seriously.
858 00:41:56 We're making a martini with ice.
859 00:41:59 I told you, Stephanie,I'm a changed woman.
860 00:42:01 A little watering down never hurt anyone.
861 00:42:03 Other than your sister Faith.
862 00:42:05 Oh, shit!
863 00:42:06 Are you for real right now?
864 00:42:07 What?
865 00:42:09 After all I've done for you?
866 00:42:11 Look at all this.This is all for you, baby.
867 00:42:13 Your numbers just went through the roof.
868 00:42:14 You can thank me for this.
869 00:42:16 How'd we get the place to ourselves?
870 00:42:17 I rented it out.I'm so sick of everyone else.
871 00:42:20 Ugh.
872 00:42:21 Ah, just like old times, you know?
873 00:42:24 You, me and a couple super dry martinis.
874 00:42:34 To old friends, new beginnings.
875 00:42:38 And not getting poisoned.
876 00:42:39 Mm.
877 00:42:54 How long?
878 00:42:55 Two minutes, 37 seconds.
879 00:42:56 - Best one yet.- That's it?
880 00:42:57 No, that was your best one.
881 00:42:59 Come on, Smothers.
882 00:43:01 Ugh. No.
883 00:43:02 Kate Winslet, she could do itfor like seven minutes
884 00:43:05 when she was preparing for, um,
885 00:43:07 The One of Wat--The Way... The Way of Water.
886 00:43:09 - Mm. Mm-hmm.- The Avatar thing.
887 00:43:10 I saw a whole thing on YouTube.She's amazing.
888 00:43:11 Yeah, well, she also killed Jack, so...
889 00:43:14 I know, right?
890 00:43:15 Girl, move over.
891 00:43:16 - Totally. Cold-blooded murder.- There is room.
892 00:43:18 - There is room.- Mm-hmm.
893 00:43:21 What is going on with Sean?
894 00:43:22 - He's so mean now. He's so mean and drunk.- Yeah.
895 00:43:25 Yeah, I'm not worried about him.
896 00:43:28 Totally.
897 00:43:30 No. Wait, what?
898 00:43:31 That's very ominous. Say more things.
899 00:43:33 Come on, you love it.
900 00:43:36 You do. Crime's your kink.
901 00:43:37 No. No.
902 00:43:39 I don't, um...
903 00:43:41 I stopped all that. I was... lousy at it.
904 00:43:44 You were not. I watched all your stuffin the computer lab.
905 00:43:46 Uh, listen.
906 00:43:47 - The-the ice cream truck guy who was--- Super fan.
907 00:43:50 I am a super fan.
908 00:43:52 No, no, no.You're genuinely good at it, though.
909 00:43:53 You are.The-the guy who was laundering money.
910 00:43:56 - Yeah.- And the, and the-the meditation mommy
911 00:43:57 who was locking her nannyin the basement.
912 00:44:00 It's so fucked up.
913 00:44:01 She was a disgrace to moms.
914 00:44:03 And the one-- that creep, the swim coach.
915 00:44:06 The guy who was filming the-the kids
916 00:44:07 - in the locker room. Fuck.- Oh, yeah, yeah, the...
917 00:44:09 - "The Speedo Pedo."- Yeah.
918 00:44:11 Yeah, that was, that was a real mess.
919 00:44:13 I know. He was a fucking perv.Good riddance.
920 00:44:14 Yeah. Yeah.
921 00:44:16 No, I didn't do it.
922 00:44:17 I'm explaining to everyone out therethat I didn't do it.
923 00:44:20 I'm just trying to figure out the truth.
924 00:44:22 You ruined my fucking life.
925 00:44:24 We can figure this out, okay?
926 00:44:29 Don't.
927 00:44:31 What? What's up?What are you doing?
928 00:44:33 Oh, there's more.
929 00:44:38 There is very specificallyno more.
930 00:44:40 - The guy is dead, so--- No. No, no, no.
931 00:44:44 No, I'm supposed to believethat-that Super Mommy
932 00:44:46 feels bad for a pedophile?
933 00:44:49 - I don't buy that.- No, I was the one who found
934 00:44:50 the photo cache, and...
935 00:44:52 he shot himself right in front of me,so it's not a great memory.
936 00:44:56 Okay.
937 00:44:58 And the cops, um, they weren't s-sure
938 00:45:01 if the evidence was planted on his comp--
939 00:45:03 I don't know. I don't know.
940 00:45:05 You think he was innocent.
941 00:45:08 If he wasn't guilty, it's too late now.
942 00:45:10 Well, I don't know.I don't know about that.
943 00:45:11 People don't come back from the dead.
944 00:45:13 Except you.
945 00:45:14 'Cause you-you caught me, asshole.
946 00:45:16 I wish you didn't, but you didbecause your instincts are fucking great.
947 00:45:18 If you think he was guilty, he was guilty.
948 00:45:20 Ugh, low-self-esteem Stephanieis such a boner killer.
949 00:45:24 Can you just go back to being cute? Oh.
950 00:45:26 You do have terrible instincts in men.
951 00:45:29 - There you go.- Thank you.
952 00:45:31 - You're welcome.- Thank you.
953 00:45:32 No, no. You're the one who married Sean.
954 00:45:35 Mm. Ugh.
955 00:45:36 Please. Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth.
956 00:45:38 I hate it. Don't even talk about it.
957 00:45:39 - I hate it.- And Dante's very, uh...
958 00:45:43 very sexy, very rich, very all the things.
959 00:45:46 Mm. You know.
960 00:45:47 But?
961 00:45:50 We've all seen The Godfather.
962 00:45:52 You know?
963 00:45:53 It doesn't work out greatfor Diane Keaton.
964 00:45:55 Hmm.
965 00:45:58 Well, Diane Keatondidn't write her ending.
966 00:46:01 I write mine.
967 00:46:10 Dad!
968 00:46:12 I know it's past curfew,and I'm sorry I stayed out so late.
969 00:46:18 I lost my key, okay?
970 00:46:19 I'm-I'm sorry.
971 00:46:21 Hey, Nicky.
972 00:46:23 Your dad's probably asleep.
973 00:46:25 He was, uh, pretty tired when I saw him.
974 00:46:27 He's probably passed out drunk again.
975 00:46:30 Um... tell you what.
976 00:46:32 Why don't you go to the front desk,
977 00:46:34 and we'll have the housekeeperlet us in, okay?
978 00:46:36 I'll wait here in case your dad comes out.
979 00:46:38 - Okay?- Okay.
980 00:46:56 So, the maidopened the door...
981 00:47:10 ...and there he was.
982 00:47:14 Just the way you all saw him.
983 00:47:24 I had just finished my clay mask,
984 00:47:26 which is step three in my nightly regimen,when I heard Stephanie screaming.
985 00:47:30 That was the housekeeper. I don't scream.
986 00:47:32 Well, I tell you, I just came running.
987 00:47:34 Mind you, I barely knew him.
988 00:47:36 A tragic accident.
989 00:47:37 We hate it when such thingshappen on the island.
990 00:47:41 Never good for tourism.
991 00:47:42 This istruly a nightmare.
992 00:47:44 Darling, we must postpone the wedding.
993 00:47:46 - Mom, I must get married.- No, but it's not possible--
994 00:47:49 Mom, I cannot change the wedding date.
995 00:47:52 That's not even possible.
996 00:47:53 Signora McLanden,I'm very sorry for your loss.
997 00:47:57 Thank you, Detective.
998 00:47:59 Despite everything, Sean was a good man.
999 00:48:02 I'll let you all get some sleep.Good night.
1000 00:48:06 Alright, let's go.
1001 00:48:09 Not to be callous,but this solves a lot of problems for you.
1002 00:48:15 Wow, that was callous.
1003 00:48:20 And yeah.
1004 00:48:21 I guess it does.
1005 00:48:27 Excuse me.
1006 00:48:29 Hi. Um, sorry.
1007 00:48:31 Just-- How can you be so surethat this was an accident?
1008 00:48:35 He was drunk when we all saw him last,
1009 00:48:37 but drunk people generally don't justbleed out of their eyes, nose and mouth.
1010 00:48:40 I mean, just doesn't that seem odd to you?
1011 00:48:42 I know you haven't had timeto run a toxicology,
1012 00:48:44 much less an autopsy.
1013 00:48:45 American womenand your true crime obsession.
1014 00:48:48 Thank you, signora, for your concern,
1015 00:48:49 but we have dealt with caseslike this many times.
1016 00:48:52 - This was simply a tragic accident.- Tragic accident. I heard you.
1017 00:48:56 There are a lot of people at this weddingwho have reason to want Sean dead.
1018 00:48:59 Some more than others.
1019 00:49:03 The Versanos are fine,upstanding people, signora.
1020 00:49:07 Neither they nor anyone they would inviteto this island would ever cause harm.
1021 00:49:12 So I suggest you get some sleep
1022 00:49:14 and get ready for the big day tomorrow.
1023 00:49:17 Hmm?
1024 00:49:52 Hi.
1025 00:49:53 - Where have you been?- I'm sorry.
1026 00:49:55 I found the cutest little restaurant
1027 00:49:57 and had the cutest littlethree bottles of wine.
1028 00:50:01 You look upset.
1029 00:50:02 Sean's dead.
1030 00:50:03 I think Emily might have killed him.
1031 00:50:06 Oh, my God.
1032 00:50:08 - Fantastic!- Jesus! Vicky!
1033 00:50:10 Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
1034 00:50:12 You know, it's justthe three bottles of wine
1035 00:50:13 and the 15 years of trying to finda hit goddamn book talking.
1036 00:50:17 Are you sure it was Emily?
1037 00:50:18 No. I mean, she had every reason to,
1038 00:50:21 and now she has some kind of, like,diplomatic immunity or something,
1039 00:50:23 'cause all the cops hereare terrified of her new Mafia family.
1040 00:50:26 Wait, Mafia?
1041 00:50:27 Emily is marrying into the Mob?
1042 00:50:29 You would know all thisif you were here doing your job.
1043 00:50:31 I'm sorry, but yes!
1044 00:50:33 That's amazing.
1045 00:50:38 I'm sorry.
1046 00:50:40 Okay. New plan.
1047 00:50:42 Do not post anything on social media,'cause that's what killed the first book.
1048 00:50:45 Everybody already knew that story.
1049 00:50:47 Good night, Vicky.
1050 00:50:48 Oh, honey, you're in shock! You need me!
1051 00:51:01 Jesus.
1052 00:52:20 I brought you a cornetto.
1053 00:52:22 I don't know.I've just never understood biscotti.
1054 00:52:23 It's visually dull. It tastes like chalk.
1055 00:52:25 Absolutelysorry excuse for a pastry.
1056 00:52:27 Why are you following me?
1057 00:52:29 I'm sorry. Do I know you?
1058 00:52:30 I guess, 'cause you were at my reading,
1059 00:52:32 and then you were outside my wine bar,and now you're in Italy.
1060 00:52:35 It's crazy. Are you a stalker?
1061 00:52:37 Do I need Mace? 'Cause I have Mace.
1062 00:52:41 I didn't think you could see me.
1063 00:52:43 I am so bad at observe and report.
1064 00:52:45 - It's, like, insane.- Sorry, um...
1065 00:52:48 Observe and report?
1066 00:52:50 Are... are you a cop?
1067 00:52:53 Agent Irene Walker.
1068 00:52:54 - FBI.- You're FBI?
1069 00:52:56 - Mm-hmm. Yeah.- Really?
1070 00:52:58 Dressed like that?
1071 00:52:59 I'm undercover.
1072 00:53:00 Okay. Um, and why are you following me?
1073 00:53:08 Do you know this woman?
1074 00:53:12 That... that's Emily's Aunt Linda.
1075 00:53:16 That's the, um...
1076 00:53:18 She's at the Dress Barn.
1077 00:53:19 That's right around the cornerfrom the Book Nook.
1078 00:53:21 Well, yeah, this was takenthe same day as your reading.
1079 00:53:24 Linda was in Warfield?
1080 00:53:29 Uh, and who's-who's that?
1081 00:53:31 Possible accomplice.
1082 00:53:35 Right.
1083 00:53:36 Wait, that's Emily.
1084 00:53:38 That's Emily's tattoo.
1085 00:53:40 I... I thought they just met.
1086 00:53:42 Wh-- Sorry. Why are you following Linda?
1087 00:53:45 Um, I didn't say that I w--I said too much.
1088 00:53:47 - I-- Give me my phone back. No.- No, you--
1089 00:53:49 Give me my phone back. I'm not saying it--
1090 00:53:50 You are following me--
1091 00:53:51 Stephanie.
1092 00:53:54 Hi.
1093 00:53:55 Hey.
1094 00:53:57 Good morning.
1095 00:54:00 I see you're making friends.
1096 00:54:01 Well, the power of the Internet.
1097 00:54:04 You know?
1098 00:54:05 She's, um, a big fan of my show.
1099 00:54:07 - "Hi, moms."- That's the show I do.
1100 00:54:09 Oh, my goodness, Stephanie.
1101 00:54:11 It seems like you'rean international superstar.
1102 00:54:14 Well, you know, the moms are everywhere.
1103 00:54:16 So true. Everyone has one.
1104 00:54:18 Have so much fun on the rest of your trip.
1105 00:54:19 - Thank-- Yes, you, too. Absolutely.- Yeah.
1106 00:54:22 Uh, wait, wait.
1107 00:54:28 Uh, do you want me to takeyour picture with her?
1108 00:54:31 Yeah, I would. Of course I would.
1109 00:54:33 - It would be weird if you didn't.- It would be so weird
1110 00:54:34 - if I didn't want that, so I do.- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
1111 00:54:36 Um, you can take it on my phone.
1112 00:54:37 - Well, open your camera for him.- Yeah.
1113 00:54:39 Don't just hand him your unlocked phone
1114 00:54:41 - like a crazy person.- Right.
1115 00:54:43 Let's be safe, ladies.
1116 00:54:44 - Here you go.- Let's see. Cheers.
1117 00:54:45 Let's do it. All right.
1118 00:54:48 I wish.
1119 00:54:49 All right. All right.
1120 00:54:52 Three, two, one.
1121 00:54:53 Three, two, one, and three, two, one.
1122 00:54:56 Aw, beautiful.
1123 00:54:57 Thank you. Amazing.
1124 00:54:58 Yeah, have...
1125 00:55:01 Have a good day.
1126 00:55:03 You, too, big-big guy. You're a big guy.
1127 00:55:06 Okay, um, Stephanie, I'll see you around.
1128 00:55:08 Or I'll see you-- I'll-I'll be wa--
1129 00:55:09 - I'll be watching your videos or--- Okay.
1130 00:55:11 - I'll wa-- be watching online.- On the Internet. Okay. Yep.
1131 00:55:16 Must be hard being so popular, right?
1132 00:55:18 Price of fame.
1133 00:55:19 - Yeah.- Yeah.
1134 00:55:20 Um...
1135 00:55:24 I should probably find Emily, you know?
1136 00:55:26 I'm sure she needs something.
1137 00:55:28 - Big day and all.- Right.
1138 00:55:29 Maid of honor never rests, right?
1139 00:55:32 I'll just...
1140 00:55:34 Just gonna... squeeze past you here.
1141 00:55:36 Okay.
1142 00:55:37 Maid of honor never rests.
1143 00:55:50 - Ben?- Hello. Hello?
1144 00:55:52 Can you run a background checkon someone for me?
1145 00:55:53 - Linda McLanden?- McLanden?
1146 00:55:56 Related to Emily?
1147 00:55:58 Uh, it's her aunt. Yeah.
1148 00:56:00 Uh, can you look her up on the FBI system?
1149 00:56:02 Yeah, I could, uh,
1150 00:56:03 hit up my boy Jim in the New York office.
1151 00:56:05 - But what's up?- I don't know,
1152 00:56:06 but I need to.
1153 00:56:07 Okay, thanks.
1154 00:56:09 You're the best. Sorry to wake you.
1155 00:56:10 Ah, come on, I wasn't asleep.
1156 00:56:12 - Of course you weren't.- Hey, Steph,
1157 00:56:14 it's nice to hear you back in the game.
1158 00:56:16 I'm not back in the game.
1159 00:56:17 Everyone else but me is just incompetent.
1160 00:56:18 Okay, bye.
1161 00:56:31 Oh! Oh! Stephanie.
1162 00:56:33 My goodness, you gave me such a fright.
1163 00:56:34 I'm so sorry.
1164 00:56:36 - How are you, sweetie?- Oh, I'm good.
1165 00:56:38 - I'm just here to check on Emily.- Oh, don't.
1166 00:56:40 I wouldn't bother with that.
1167 00:56:41 - She is in a real mood.- Oh.
1168 00:56:43 Threw both me and her dressmaker out.
1169 00:56:46 I think she's takingSean's death pretty hard.
1170 00:56:48 Sure. It would be weird if she didn't.
1171 00:56:49 Yeah, so I think it's best
1172 00:56:51 if we just give herall the space she needs
1173 00:56:53 - before the wedding, you know.- Oh.
1174 00:56:55 We all process the happiest dayof our life differently.
1175 00:56:57 - Oh.- Don't we?
1176 00:56:58 - Yeah, we sure do.- Yeah.
1177 00:57:00 It's so greatthat you're here for her now.
1178 00:57:01 So great that you're here for her, too.
1179 00:57:04 So I'll see you at the altar.
1180 00:57:05 I will see you at the altar.
1181 00:57:08 - Not if I see you first.- Oh.
1182 00:57:14 Well...
1183 00:57:17 time to get beautiful.
1184 00:57:18 As if it's possible for youto be any more beautiful.
1185 00:57:21 Oh, you're so sweet.
1186 00:58:03 You look lovely, Emily.
1187 00:58:10 Do I?
1188 00:59:11 I, Dante,take you, Emily, as my wife...
1189 00:59:15 until death do us part.
1190 00:59:17 Until death do us part.
1191 00:59:21 In the name of the Father...
1192 00:59:23 I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1193 00:59:45 Clap. Who got married?
1194 00:59:48 Oh, my God.
1195 01:00:07 Um, Mama, can I, um...can I go play with my drone?
1196 01:00:11 - You okay?- Yeah, yeah.
1197 01:00:13 - Okay.- Thank you. I love you.
1198 01:00:14 I love you.
1199 01:00:20 Okay.
1200 01:00:21 Right.
1201 01:00:26 Yep.
1202 01:00:28 Thank you. Thanks for being here to sharethis new beginning with us both.
1203 01:00:32 I'd like to make a-a toastto someone who changed my life.
1204 01:00:38 When my father died,
1205 01:00:40 I was very young.
1206 01:00:42 My mother Portia stepped up,
1207 01:00:44 - protected me.- Aw.
1208 01:00:46 Taught me how to run a family business.
1209 01:00:47 So, I wouldn't be who I am todaywithout your love and sacrifices.
1210 01:00:52 - Aw.- Yeah. Really.
1211 01:00:54 You taught me how to be a man.
1212 01:00:58 So it's in your honor...
1213 01:01:01 yeah, it's in your honor that I do this.
1214 01:01:08 This is my prenup.
1215 01:01:11 And this...
1216 01:01:16 ...is the fire of love.
1217 01:01:20 What the fuckare you doing?
1218 01:01:22 Oh. That's fire.
1219 01:01:33 Some have questioned aboutbringing an American into our fold.
1220 01:01:37 Let no one doubt how far I'll go for love.
1221 01:01:44 To peace.
1222 01:01:46 Peace between those I love,but even more than that...
1223 01:01:50 Peace...
1224 01:01:53 between the Bartolos and the Versanos.
1225 01:02:11 Peace.
1226 01:02:12 Cheers.
1227 01:02:19 I am in Hell.
1228 01:02:21 This is Hell...
1229 01:02:22 and I'm being punished for my sins.
1230 01:02:30 My lovely Emilyhas informed me that, um,
1231 01:02:34 Stephanie Smothers,her maid of honor and, um, dear friend,
1232 01:02:39 will make a toast as well.
1233 01:02:41 Oh.
1234 01:02:44 - Stephanie.- Whoo!
1235 01:02:46 Oh, it's a nightmare. Hello!
1236 01:02:49 I'm Stephanie. I am the maid of honor.
1237 01:02:52 So I have a speech that I will say now.
1238 01:02:56 It's difficult to followsomeone burning their prenup.
1239 01:02:59 Kind of a dick move.
1240 01:03:00 Really set me up to fail. Just kidding.
1241 01:03:03 What can I say about Emily?
1242 01:03:04 I met Emily because our sons were friends
1243 01:03:08 and motherhood is a powerful bond.
1244 01:03:10 This creature just comesscreaming out of your body,
1245 01:03:15 rips you in half really.
1246 01:03:18 But marriage, you know,when does marriage not work out?
1247 01:03:22 Uh, in my case...
1248 01:03:24 murder-suicide, and in Emily's,
1249 01:03:26 you know, just the classic laundry list:
1250 01:03:29 extortion, identity fraud,fratricide, prison.
1251 01:03:33 But you two are gonna be great.I've got a feeling.
1252 01:03:36 Did you guys know that, uh,married couples cannot be
1253 01:03:39 compelled to testifyagainst each other in court?
1254 01:03:43 So, congratulations.
1255 01:03:45 Let's kick this off with a bang!
1256 01:03:51 Oh.
1257 01:03:52 - Assholes.- Thank you, Stephanie.
1258 01:03:54 That was beautiful.
1259 01:03:56 My pleasure.
1260 01:03:59 Oh, Lord have mercy.
1261 01:04:13 I cannot believehe burned the prenup.
1262 01:04:17 That's who Dante is.
1263 01:04:18 He loves grand gestures.
1264 01:04:21 Let's hope nothing happens to him.
1265 01:04:26 Another martini, signora?
1266 01:04:29 Why not, Alessandro?
1267 01:04:31 - No ice.- Never.
1268 01:05:19 Your martini, signora. No ice.
1269 01:05:22 Thank you.
1270 01:06:07 Are youfucking drunk? Put down the gun.
1271 01:06:09 Put down the gun!Put down the gun!
1272 01:06:16 Put down the gun!
1273 01:06:30 Help!
1274 01:06:33 Help! Help! Help!
1275 01:06:36 We need help! We need an ambulance!
1276 01:06:38 - Are you okay? What happened?- Dante!
1277 01:06:39 Dante's in there!
1278 01:06:45 What are youdoing here?
1279 01:06:46 Go there! Get him out!
1280 01:06:48 What do youknow about this?
1281 01:06:50 What do you know about this?!
1282 01:06:52 Nothing! No, he was here five minutes ago!
1283 01:06:53 I-I... Stephanie, what did you see?
1284 01:06:55 Um, uh, he was arguing with someone,and I couldn't see anything,
1285 01:06:58 and then they started shooting him,and they just kept shooting him,
1286 01:07:00 - then it exploded!- Someone shot my son?
1287 01:07:01 - Wait, who was he fighting with?- I don't know.
1288 01:07:03 - You didn't see?- No, I couldn't.
1289 01:07:05 - You didn't see anything?- No.
1290 01:07:06 - Nothing?- No!
1291 01:07:07 No.
1292 01:07:30 You tricked himinto giving you everything.
1293 01:07:34 And then this happens?
1294 01:07:37 One hour later?
1295 01:07:41 - Coincidence?- No, no, no, no.
1296 01:07:42 She was with me this entire timewatching the fireworks.
1297 01:07:45 She couldn't have done this, I swear.
1298 01:07:47 You don't say that.
1299 01:07:48 I loved him so much. Don't say that.
1300 01:07:50 And excuse me,but any number of people here
1301 01:07:53 would have reasons to kill him.
1302 01:07:54 Isn't half this place a-a rival gang?
1303 01:07:58 I would never kill Dante! I...
1304 01:08:04 We drank to our truce.
1305 01:08:07 I made a vow.
1306 01:08:08 The Bartolos never back downon their word.
1307 01:08:14 So... so...
1308 01:08:17 who killed my Dante?!
1309 01:08:36 And that's howwe got here, moms.
1310 01:08:38 Uh, me under house arrest,
1311 01:08:41 Sean's dead, Dante's dead.
1312 01:08:44 Emily's acting... creepy.
1313 01:08:48 I mean, creepier than normal.
1314 01:08:50 I don't know why anybody would thinkI would want to kill Dante.
1315 01:08:53 Just...
1316 01:08:55 Yes, thank you for the suggestion.
1317 01:08:57 I've actually checked.I can't climb down off the balcony.
1318 01:08:59 I--
1319 01:09:03 Yes, I know.
1320 01:09:05 Before you say it, I--
1321 01:09:06 Hey, hey, hey, listen to me.
1322 01:09:07 Miles was expelled from camp.
1323 01:09:10 He's... he's what?
1324 01:09:11 Expelled.
1325 01:09:12 Excommunicated fromthe Tribe of Minnetonka.
1326 01:09:16 And yes, those are the wordsthat camp counselor Val used.
1327 01:09:19 That woman is a cultural moron.
1328 01:09:21 What happened?
1329 01:09:22 He took a ski boat joyriding.
1330 01:09:24 He doesn't know anything about boats.How could he even--
1331 01:09:26 - He hot-wired it.- Great, yeah.
1332 01:09:28 Goddamn Grand Theft Auto, I swear to God.
1333 01:09:30 Some kids were making fun of your show,and then
1334 01:09:32 they dared him to steal the boat.
1335 01:09:34 Perfect. This is great.
1336 01:09:35 I'm in Capri, and my son's a felon,and I'm under arrest.
1337 01:09:38 - This-this is perfect.- Okay, stop that.
1338 01:09:40 I'm on my way to pick him up right now.
1339 01:09:41 No, okay. Just tell me--
1340 01:09:43 Wait, Stephanie,did you say you're under arrest?
1341 01:09:45 Stephanie? Stephanie?
1342 01:09:46 Did you find a--
1343 01:09:47 What is she doing here?
1344 01:09:48 I'm here to help in whatever way I can.
1345 01:09:51 - Uh-huh, I'll bet you are.- Our investigation is ongoing.
1346 01:09:54 Until it's finished, I'm going to needyour passport and your phone.
1347 01:09:58 No, my-my, uh, kidjust got expelled from camp,
1348 01:10:00 so I-I can't be offline.
1349 01:10:02 Of course, yes.We noticed that these murders
1350 01:10:04 have increasedyour subscriber numbers significantly.
1351 01:10:07 Just heartless and coldto profit off this kind of tragedy.
1352 01:10:11 When did you get so invested, Aunt Linda?
1353 01:10:13 Wh... When you ruinedmy niece's life for the second time.
1354 01:10:17 Are you an idiot?
1355 01:10:18 Are you not followingwhat's going on here?
1356 01:10:20 Your phone, please.
1357 01:10:25 And your passport.
1358 01:10:28 Emily knows I didn't do this.
1359 01:10:30 I've never even held a gun.Well, one time.
1360 01:10:32 That was different. They were blanks.
1361 01:10:33 You leave her alone.
1362 01:10:35 Opportunists like you aren't gonnatake advantage of her again.
1363 01:10:38 She made me come here.
1364 01:10:40 Don't even bother.
1365 01:10:42 From what I understand,you've always been jealous of Emily.
1366 01:10:44 You probably have some sick,twisted crush on her.
1367 01:10:47 Shame on you!
1368 01:10:48 Your passport.
1369 01:10:56 You will be hearing from my lawyers
1370 01:10:58 as soon as I figure outhow to get a lawyer.
1371 01:11:02 First you will need someonewilling to represent
1372 01:11:04 the woman accused of killingthe head of Familia Versano.
1373 01:11:13 Leave us.
1374 01:11:15 I'd like Stephanie alone.
1375 01:11:18 Hon, you don't have to do this.
1376 01:11:21 No, I want to.
1377 01:11:23 Signor Lucchese, please.
1378 01:11:24 I'd hate to have to involvemy new mother-in-law and family.
1379 01:11:27 You may go now.
1380 01:11:29 We'll... be right outside.
1381 01:11:33 Please be careful.
1382 01:11:34 Thanks.
1383 01:11:36 - Take this.- Mm.
1384 01:11:46 Corpse Bride, are you for real?
1385 01:11:48 Is she for real?
1386 01:11:51 The moral condemnationsand her folksy little sayings?
1387 01:11:54 I know you two know each other.
1388 01:11:55 I don't know if you're working together.
1389 01:11:57 What is the game here?
1390 01:11:59 This isn't a game for me, Stephanie.
1391 01:12:03 All I ever wanted wassomeone who was mine.
1392 01:12:06 But you took that from me.
1393 01:12:09 Time and time again.
1394 01:12:11 And you tell me I don't get to feel pain.
1395 01:12:15 What are you talking about?What-what are you doing?
1396 01:12:17 I had to tellDetective Lucchese everything.
1397 01:12:21 I'm sorry. I couldn't keep lying.
1398 01:12:24 That has never beena problem for you before.
1399 01:12:27 The key to the shacklesof deceit is truth.
1400 01:12:30 And what truth is that exactly?
1401 01:12:38 The night Sean died,you were late to the pool.
1402 01:12:41 I wasn't late. You were early.
1403 01:12:43 I thought you were doing it to protect me'cause he was so awful.
1404 01:12:49 But you were just using me.
1405 01:12:53 For your sick revenge against poor Sean.
1406 01:12:56 I didn't kill Sean.You know I didn't kill Sean.
1407 01:12:59 I didn't think you would do it again,
1408 01:13:01 but then you killed my Dante.
1409 01:13:04 What is happening?
1410 01:13:06 Is this why you brought me to the wedding?What are you doing?
1411 01:13:08 Stephanie, please stop.
1412 01:13:10 Jesus Christ.
1413 01:13:12 Stop.
1414 01:13:14 You hurt me, but I'm trying to help you.
1415 01:13:17 Just tell the police everything.They already know.
1416 01:13:20 You can confess,
1417 01:13:21 they'll make a deal,and you can see your son again.
1418 01:13:25 I'm doing this for you.
1419 01:13:27 You told me once you loved me,
1420 01:13:30 and I take that kind of declarationvery seriously.
1421 01:13:34 I never s-- I never said I loved you.
1422 01:13:40 Who are you?
1423 01:13:41 You broke my heart, Stephanie.
1424 01:13:47 You're not Emily.
1425 01:13:48 Oh, you sound crazy.
1426 01:13:50 You're not Faith.
1427 01:13:52 I saw Faith's body at the morgue.
1428 01:13:53 - You can't be Faith.- No, stop.
1429 01:13:55 Stop. You're scaring me.
1430 01:13:58 You're scaring me now,and I don't like to be scared.
1431 01:14:03 The police are right outside.
1432 01:14:04 I know.
1433 01:14:09 Emily!
1434 01:14:15 Emily!
1435 01:14:16 I know who you are.
1436 01:14:17 You think I don't know who you are?!I fucking know who you are!
1437 01:14:20 Signora Smothers,you will remain under house arrest
1438 01:14:22 for your own safety,in the event the Versanos overreact.
1439 01:14:26 Oh, she tried to kill me.
1440 01:14:27 Get the fuck off me!
1441 01:14:29 What have you done?!
1442 01:14:30 Don't let her get away with it!
1443 01:14:32 You think I don't know what's happening?!
1444 01:14:33 - I fucking know what's happening!- Don't!
1445 01:14:35 Fucking psycho!
1446 01:14:36 What have you done? What have you done?!
1447 01:14:56 Who are you?
1448 01:15:01 You work for the Mafia?You're here to kill me?
1449 01:15:03 I am to say "Irene sent me."
1450 01:15:05 - Irene?- Yeah.
1451 01:15:06 Oh, God.
1452 01:15:07 Uh, are you FBI, too?
1453 01:15:10 No. She paid me money.
1454 01:15:12 - And screw the police.- Yeah.
1455 01:15:13 They arrest my husband. And for what?
1456 01:15:16 He doesn't steal those chickens.
1457 01:15:19 Just borrows.
1458 01:15:20 Got it.
1459 01:15:23 She will meet you here.
1460 01:15:24 Great. Um, what's the planto get me out of here?
1461 01:15:27 'Cause the cops are right outside.
1462 01:15:28 I don't know.She only paid me to deliver the note.
1463 01:15:31 Okay.
1464 01:15:32 Where's your cart?
1465 01:15:33 In the hall next to the police.
1466 01:15:35 Um, grab your cart,and-and I'll get inside,
1467 01:15:37 and you can just roll me past.
1468 01:15:38 Okay. Mm-hmm.
1469 01:15:40 - Okay.- Why not?
1470 01:15:49 Okay, um, so I need to hide,
1471 01:15:52 and this is see-through.
1472 01:15:55 This is my cart.
1473 01:15:56 You can hide in it. Look.
1474 01:15:59 Debatable.
1475 01:16:00 Um, do you have onethat is not see-through?
1476 01:16:13 Wow, um...
1477 01:16:14 uh, do you understand English?
1478 01:16:16 Of course I do.I'm talking to you right now.
1479 01:16:19 So true.
1480 01:16:20 Um... okay.
1481 01:16:23 I need a cart that you can't see throughso I can hide.
1482 01:16:29 All of thisfor ten euro.
1483 01:16:47 What are you looking at?
1484 01:16:49 Go clean something.
1485 01:16:51 Maybe I'll go steal me a nice chicken.
1486 01:17:16 There's a room I needto find with an old lady in silk pajamas.
1487 01:17:20 Fake hair? Drinks all day?
1488 01:17:21 Yeah.
1489 01:17:23 Come with me.
1490 01:17:43 Speak English!
1491 01:17:46 No one can understand what you're saying.
1492 01:17:49 Bruce!
1493 01:17:54 Bruce!
1494 01:17:55 The television is broken.
1495 01:18:03 Hello.
1496 01:18:04 Hello, Margaret.
1497 01:18:06 Oh.
1498 01:18:09 You're Hope's friend, aren't you?
1499 01:18:11 That insurance agent.
1500 01:18:13 I'm still waiting on that check.
1501 01:18:15 Uh, right.
1502 01:18:16 Uh, the... the check's coming.
1503 01:18:20 Oh, yeah, the check is on the way.
1504 01:18:23 Um...
1505 01:18:24 Oh, no, don't--
1506 01:18:25 I-I wanted to ask you about
1507 01:18:28 Hope and Faith's triplet, Charity.
1508 01:18:33 The one who didn't survive.
1509 01:18:38 She's here.
1510 01:18:40 I saw her.
1511 01:18:42 Just creeping aroundin the shadows in a bad wig.
1512 01:18:45 But I saw her.
1513 01:18:47 I saw her.
1514 01:18:49 And I just knowthat that's my little angel.
1515 01:18:53 Why does everyone think she died?
1516 01:18:57 Because she did die.
1517 01:19:01 And Linda sent her soul to Hell.
1518 01:19:08 Oh. Oh, oh, no. No, thank you.
1519 01:19:10 - Have a look.- Oh, it's--
1520 01:19:11 That's really cool.
1521 01:19:13 You know, Linda delivered the triplets.
1522 01:19:20 Hope and Faith first, and...
1523 01:19:25 ...and then the third baby
1524 01:19:28 came out dead.
1525 01:19:31 Cord wrapped around her neck.
1526 01:19:34 The other two were holding it.
1527 01:19:36 They strangled my Charity in the womb.
1528 01:19:39 Their own sister. Can you imagine?
1529 01:19:45 Then she took that poor little pure body
1530 01:19:48 and cremated itbefore I even had a chance to see her.
1531 01:19:53 You know, before I couldeven call a priest
1532 01:19:56 to bless her poor departed soul,she was gone.
1533 01:20:04 Linda stole the baby.
1534 01:20:07 But now
1535 01:20:09 God has brought Charity back to me.
1536 01:20:11 He went down into Hell,and he brought her back.
1537 01:20:15 You saw her.
1538 01:20:18 And Charity will visitGod's wrath on Linda
1539 01:20:22 for not giving her a Christian burial.
1540 01:20:24 She is the hammer of the Almighty!
1541 01:20:28 Boop.
1542 01:20:30 Hmm. They're gonna punish Hope, too.
1543 01:20:34 Yeah, you'll see.
1544 01:20:36 You'll see.
1545 01:20:42 Uh, I need your phone.
1546 01:20:44 Your, uh, "telephone-o."
1547 01:20:45 I know what a telephone is.
1548 01:20:46 Okay, it's an "emergencia."
1549 01:20:47 Stop speaking Italian!
1550 01:20:49 - I know what--- Oh, my God.
1551 01:20:50 Grazie! Grazie!
1552 01:20:52 Please! It's mine!
1553 01:20:53 That's my telephone!
1554 01:20:55 All my secrets are in there!
1555 01:21:06 Move.
1556 01:21:52 Find her.
1557 01:21:56 Shit.
1558 01:22:00 No, I know that they're Capri bells,but that little
1559 01:22:02 jingling noise is gonnadrive me up a fucking wall,
1560 01:22:05 - so do you have anything more silent?- Vicky. Vicky.
1561 01:22:06 Yes.
1562 01:22:07 Vicky. Oh, my God.
1563 01:22:10 Ben!
1564 01:22:12 Stephanie, where are you?
1565 01:22:14 - I've been calling.- I'm under arrest.
1566 01:22:16 Or I-I was.
1567 01:22:17 Or I-- well, I escaped, basically.
1568 01:22:19 The Mob is sort of after me, so--
1569 01:22:21 The FBI is aware
1570 01:22:22 of your situationand prepared to get you out of there.
1571 01:22:24 Oh, thank God. Okay.
1572 01:22:26 Now, look, Linda McLandenis extremely dangerous.
1573 01:22:29 She's connectedto several unexplained deaths,
1574 01:22:31 all of them men she's conned.
1575 01:22:33 Now, the FBI, they got somebody out there.
1576 01:22:35 Yeah, uh, Agent Irene Walker.
1577 01:22:37 Not their finest.
1578 01:22:39 Well, she's aware of your situation.
1579 01:22:40 She's gonna get you to a safe houseInterpol has set up on the island.
1580 01:22:43 She'll keep you safeuntil we can get you out of there.
1581 01:22:45 No, I-I'm going to meet her right now.
1582 01:22:46 Great. I'll let Interpol know. Oh.
1583 01:22:49 - Call me when you're in the house.- I will. I will. I will. I will. I will.
1584 01:22:53 Stephanie!
1585 01:22:55 Hey. I'm here.
1586 01:22:56 - You see her?- Oh, holy shit,
1587 01:22:57 this woman's gonna get me killed.
1588 01:22:58 Okay, if I don't die,
1589 01:22:59 - I'll talk to you later.- Steph, what is she--
1590 01:23:00 Oh, my God, cute sweater.Did you buy that here?
1591 01:23:02 Could you be drawingmore attention to yourself?
1592 01:23:04 Oh, sorry. I'm just so glad you're alive.
1593 01:23:06 Me, too.
1594 01:23:08 Um, Linda is workingwith Emily's dead sister Char--
1595 01:23:10 well, uh, she-- Charity's not dead.
1596 01:23:11 She's pretending to be Emily,and they're trying to frame me,
1597 01:23:13 - and so now the Mob is after me.- Hey, it is okay. It is ok--
1598 01:23:15 - We need to keep a low profile.- Listen. Hey.
1599 01:23:16 - You're in good hands.- Okay.
1600 01:23:17 Okay? Let's get to the safe house.You can tell me all about it.
1601 01:23:19 - Okay.- I've got your back--
1602 01:23:22 Did you bite your tongue?
1603 01:23:24 Oh, I hate when that happens.
1604 01:23:25 Are you okay?
1605 01:23:30 Knife! Knife!
1606 01:23:34 Knife! Knife!
1607 01:23:36 Murderer! Murderer!
1608 01:23:38 Oh,you fucking bitch. No!
1609 01:23:40 Murderer!
1610 01:23:43 I didn't do anything!I didn't do anything--
1611 01:23:46 Are you serious?
1612 01:23:57 Ay.
1613 01:23:58 Linda, why has no one cometo fix the television?
1614 01:24:02 I don't know. It's fucking Italy!
1615 01:24:04 That's all I'm hearing.
1616 01:24:06 It's driving me crazy.
1617 01:24:07 I thought maybe Brucecould fix it or Hope's friend,
1618 01:24:11 but no, they're gone.
1619 01:24:13 Wait, was Stephanie just here?
1620 01:24:15 Listen.
1621 01:24:16 Popeye sounds like he's speaking Italian.
1622 01:24:18 Margaret!Focus that gin-pickled brain of yours.
1623 01:24:21 I need to know: Was Stephanie just here?
1624 01:24:23 I just said she was.
1625 01:24:25 Did you talk to her?
1626 01:24:27 Yeah, there's something offabout that girl,
1627 01:24:29 and it's not just becauseshe's a terrible insurance agent.
1628 01:24:32 - Margaret, what-- Shut up!- Is she 12?
1629 01:24:34 Did you talk to her?What did you say to her?
1630 01:24:36 What did you say?
1631 01:24:37 Well, I told her everything.
1632 01:24:39 - What do you mean?- All about Charity.
1633 01:24:42 Yeah.
1634 01:24:44 She knows what you did,
1635 01:24:46 and she's gonna tell the whole world,
1636 01:24:48 and then so will I,
1637 01:24:50 and then you are goingto rot in Hell, Linda.
1638 01:24:55 That's unfortunate, Margaret.
1639 01:24:58 God knows what you did to Charity,
1640 01:25:01 and he will punish you.
1641 01:25:06 Shit.
1642 01:25:10 You should thank me.
1643 01:25:12 I gave Charity a much better lifethan she would've had with you.
1644 01:25:15 And unlike your girls,she never ran away from me.
1645 01:25:20 Kids are valuable in my line of work, sis.
1646 01:25:23 Everyone trusts kids.
1647 01:25:25 And there's nothinglike working with family.
1648 01:25:35 Right?
1649 01:25:45 Gosh darn it.
1650 01:26:08 Who's there?
1651 01:26:12 Mrs. Versano, hi.
1652 01:26:15 Um...
1653 01:26:20 Uh, this is a really nice... basement.
1654 01:26:24 It's a little spinny, but, um...
1655 01:26:26 Look, I think there's been...
1656 01:26:28 a huge mistake.
1657 01:26:30 - Okay?- Yes.
1658 01:26:32 You killed my only son.
1659 01:26:35 I didn't. I swear to God, I didn't.
1660 01:26:38 I didn't even know him.Why would I kill him?
1661 01:26:42 That's what I'm here to find out.
1662 01:26:45 Um, what's that?
1663 01:26:48 Whatever that is, I think, um,we don't need it, you know?
1664 01:26:50 We can just talk.
1665 01:26:52 Sodium thiopental.
1666 01:26:56 Okay, truth serum is not--
1667 01:26:58 I-I sort of work with law enforcement,and that's not gonna do anything
1668 01:27:00 other than get mereally fucking high, so--
1669 01:27:10 Okay!
1670 01:27:18 My compliments to the chef.
1671 01:27:20 Yes.
1672 01:27:21 It works quickly.
1673 01:27:23 You said it, sister.
1674 01:27:25 - I used it on my husband once.- No way.
1675 01:27:27 Yeah, to find out who he was fucking.
1676 01:27:31 But there were so many names.He wouldn't stop.
1677 01:27:34 Do you want to know who I'm fucking?
1678 01:27:36 It's this guy named nobody.
1679 01:27:38 Nada.
1680 01:27:40 - Niente.- Let's stick to the subject.
1681 01:27:42 Okay. Okay.
1682 01:27:44 So I was seeing this guy in the city,
1683 01:27:46 and then when I didn't put himin the acknowledgements for my book,
1684 01:27:48 he just broke it off.Can you believe that?
1685 01:27:49 Why did you kill my son?!
1686 01:27:51 I didn't.
1687 01:27:52 It was Emily's triplet, Charity.
1688 01:27:54 She's been here the whole time.Can you believe that?
1689 01:27:58 I think she killed Sean, too.
1690 01:28:00 And an FBI agent. Mm.
1691 01:28:02 A really stupid one.
1692 01:28:04 Hey, I read your book.
1693 01:28:07 Tabloid garbage.
1694 01:28:09 I know the triplet is dead.
1695 01:28:11 Oh, my God.
1696 01:28:13 Everyone's a critic.
1697 01:28:15 No, no, no.Charity was dead, but she wasn't.
1698 01:28:20 She was, um, she was the opposite of dead.
1699 01:28:23 She was undead. Not like a zombie.
1700 01:28:25 She was just, um,she was just, like, alive.
1701 01:28:27 She probably killed Emily.
1702 01:28:29 - Aw.- This jumble of words makes no sense!
1703 01:28:33 What aren't you telling me?
1704 01:28:35 You're holding something back.
1705 01:28:37 Please don't make me say.
1706 01:28:39 Tell me.
1707 01:28:42 Tell me.
1708 01:28:44 Okay.
1709 01:28:45 I knew I would be the best PTA president,so I stuffed the ballot box with my name,
1710 01:28:48 but it shouldn't be a popularity contest,and Stacy's had it out for me--
1711 01:28:50 No, we're talking about Olivia!
1712 01:28:52 Emily.
1713 01:28:53 Hope McLanden.
1714 01:28:55 Whatever fucking name she uses.
1715 01:28:58 I did it.
1716 01:29:01 I killed him.
1717 01:29:05 I knew you killed my Dante.
1718 01:29:07 No.
1719 01:29:11 Not Dante.
1720 01:29:13 No.
1721 01:29:14 Dante was so handsome.
1722 01:29:16 I would've licked ice cream off his face.
1723 01:29:21 No, I killed the gym teacher.
1724 01:29:24 I mean, I didn't kill him,but he killed himself because of me.
1725 01:29:28 If I'm being honest,I've killed so many men.
1726 01:29:32 I don't know what to do. They die.
1727 01:29:34 They die if I love them.They die if I don't love them.
1728 01:29:38 I can't do anything.
1729 01:29:40 I can't keep people alive.
1730 01:29:41 I can't even solve crimes anymore.
1731 01:29:44 I just want it to stop.
1732 01:29:47 Enough!
1733 01:29:48 I know you had an arrangementwith Emily to kill my Dante.
1734 01:29:52 Oh.
1735 01:29:53 Was it for the money?
1736 01:29:55 Money?
1737 01:29:56 Or... or...
1738 01:29:59 do you just have some sick obsession
1739 01:30:03 with that awful womanwho brought you into my life?
1740 01:30:05 I am not obsessed with her.
1741 01:30:07 I don't know whyeverybody keeps saying that.
1742 01:30:09 No.
1743 01:30:11 No, I wouldn'ttake money from Emily.
1744 01:30:13 She's so... she's so sort of...
1745 01:30:15 twisty and confusing.
1746 01:30:18 It's like she's always sort ofvery serious, and then she'll laugh.
1747 01:30:20 You know that thing? I don't know.
1748 01:30:22 I don't think she knowswhat she's doing now
1749 01:30:23 'cause she's not the one doing it.
1750 01:30:24 'Cause she's probably dead.Keep up, sister.
1751 01:30:26 It's unbelievable.She is useless.
1752 01:30:28 Did you see thatblack dress she was wearing?
1753 01:30:30 I was like, you--it was just doing a lot, you know?
1754 01:30:32 When she walked in the room,she was carrying a parasol.
1755 01:30:34 - Girl, we are inside.- She's crazy.
1756 01:30:37 Kill her.
1757 01:30:38 And make sure the body is never found.
1758 01:30:42 What'd she say?
1759 01:30:46 Oh. Yeah. Okay.
1760 01:30:49 Plastic sheeting makes sense.
1761 01:30:51 That's smart, you know?Makes cleanup a breeze.
1762 01:30:53 But she really mumbled that last part,
1763 01:30:55 so maybe you wantto double-check what she said,
1764 01:30:57 'cause you might havemisheard her, you know?
1765 01:30:59 I-I mean, up to you guys,but that's sort of the thing about murder.
1766 01:31:03 No takesies backsies.
1767 01:31:06 What's happening?
1768 01:31:07 Oh!
1769 01:31:08 I'm fine!
1770 01:31:09 I just tipped over.
1771 01:31:15 What's going on?
1772 01:31:16 I can't see what's happening.
1773 01:31:19 All righty.
1774 01:31:21 - You good? You good?- Oh, of course it's you.
1775 01:31:25 You are so obsessed with me!
1776 01:31:28 Stop! I need space.
1777 01:31:30 You're being really clingy.
1778 01:31:32 Did you know Charity's alive?
1779 01:31:34 She's killing everybodyyou ever loved, girl.
1780 01:31:36 I'm aware.
1781 01:31:37 Oh, thank you.
1782 01:31:38 Are you okay?
1783 01:31:40 I know you're here 'cause you need me,'cause I'm so smart and I'm so pretty.
1784 01:31:44 'Cause Emily loves Stephanie!
1785 01:31:46 Glad to have you back.You enjoying that truth serum?
1786 01:31:47 Oh. Wow!
1787 01:31:49 - Let's get out of here.- Okay.
1788 01:31:51 - Come on.- No. No. No!
1789 01:31:53 - You could be Charity. No.- We have to go.
1790 01:31:54 Oh. You could be Charity.
1791 01:31:56 - Prove that you're Emily. No.- Stephanie, Stephanie.
1792 01:31:57 Say something only Emily would know.
1793 01:31:59 - Prove you're Emily!- We do not have time for this.
1794 01:32:00 Prove it!
1795 01:32:02 Brother-fucker, I told youwe do not have time for me
1796 01:32:05 to detail the basement sexyou had with your half brother
1797 01:32:08 who may or may not bethe father of your child.
1798 01:32:09 I pray to God every day
1799 01:32:11 that Miles doesn't seea commercial for 23andMe.
1800 01:32:13 All right, all right! We get it!
1801 01:32:14 This isn't how you talkto somebody you're in love with.
1802 01:32:16 Why are we still standing here? Let's go.
1803 01:32:18 Let's go.
1804 01:32:19 How did you do that?
1805 01:32:21 Prison, bitch.
1806 01:32:26 Come on. Come on.
1807 01:32:27 - Oh, my God.- Let's go.
1808 01:32:30 - Why did they bring me to the ocean?- Yeah, no, let's walk.
1809 01:32:32 Yeah, face forward. Come on.
1810 01:32:33 Come on, come on, come on, come on.
1811 01:32:37 Oh, all right.
1812 01:32:53 I think we need topull over or I'm gonna puke on your head.
1813 01:32:56 Oh, God. Okay. No, no, no. Don't do that.
1814 01:32:58 Don't-don't do that.
1815 01:33:04 - Oh, God.- You done?
1816 01:33:05 It's not like we have the Mob after us.
1817 01:33:08 I mean...
1818 01:33:09 the good news isI'm not high anymore, mostly.
1819 01:33:12 Where the hell have you been?
1820 01:33:14 I'm very glad Charity didn't kill you.
1821 01:33:16 Oh, yeah, no, no.There was no chance of that.
1822 01:33:19 She, uh, likes me too much.
1823 01:33:22 What does that mean?
1824 01:33:25 Uh, I'm gonna need to ease in to this one.
1825 01:33:28 That night after I, uh, I left you
1826 01:33:29 at the pool, Aunt Linda was in my room.
1827 01:33:32 Turns out I come froma long line of con artists,
1828 01:33:34 and Aunt Linda was tired of the hustle.
1829 01:33:36 She wanted a way out, and she sawmy situation as her retirement plan.
1830 01:33:41 She showed up
1831 01:33:43 to blackmail me and Dante for $20 million.
1832 01:33:47 Blackmail you for what?
1833 01:33:50 Uh...
1834 01:33:52 well, I guess it's not reallya secret to keep
1835 01:33:55 now that he's dead.
1836 01:33:57 Um...
1837 01:33:59 when Dante and I first met,
1838 01:34:01 you know, he was just another customer,
1839 01:34:02 wanted a sympathetic ear.
1840 01:34:04 Then he kept coming back, you know?
1841 01:34:06 He'd tell me stories,and we became friends.
1842 01:34:09 And one day, he told me about
1843 01:34:11 his great love,the one that he could never be with.
1844 01:34:14 The one his mom might even kill him overif she ever found out.
1845 01:34:18 You know, because of his last name.
1846 01:34:21 Bartolo.
1847 01:34:23 Matteo?
1848 01:34:25 Yeah.
1849 01:34:28 Holy shit.
1850 01:34:29 Yeah, I make a pretty cute beard.
1851 01:34:31 You know, they needed someone flashy
1852 01:34:33 to draw eyes away from them,so, you know, there I was.
1853 01:34:36 Bathroom, 20 seconds.
1854 01:34:39 Knock twice.
1855 01:35:01 They've been togetherfor 15 years, nobody knew?
1856 01:35:04 Yeah. Yeah, it was just this, you know,
1857 01:35:07 small, beautiful thingin a really fucked-up world.
1858 01:35:10 So he reads you're in jail,reconnects with you, and--
1859 01:35:13 'cause... 'cause you're his way out.
1860 01:35:16 I was the only person he ever told.
1861 01:35:19 So you cut a deal,his lawyers get you out of jail,
1862 01:35:22 and he and Matteo-- mm.
1863 01:35:23 Yeah, they can be togetherwithout triggering a Mob war.
1864 01:35:25 And obviously Aunt Lindadidn't give a shit about any of that.
1865 01:35:28 The McLandens only care about money.
1866 01:35:31 So you told her to fuck off, obviously.
1867 01:35:33 But why did she kill Seanbefore you'd even turned her down?
1868 01:35:37 Yeah, I, uh...yeah, I wondered the same thing
1869 01:35:40 until Charity showed upin my room the next day.
1870 01:35:48 I-I honestly,I couldn't believe it, you know?
1871 01:35:52 There she was--this person that I thought was dead
1872 01:35:55 or, you know, didn't existwas just standing in front of me
1873 01:35:58 like a, like a creepyVictorian ghost child.
1874 01:36:04 Linda told methat I have two sisters
1875 01:36:06 but that they didn't want me,and I knew it wasn't true.
1876 01:36:11 No, that... We didn't know.
1877 01:36:14 Do you know that I had no friends
1878 01:36:18 and that she schooled me by myself
1879 01:36:20 and raised me by myselfand I only had them?
1880 01:36:25 All 'cause Linda needed my helpwith her work,
1881 01:36:28 ever since I was little.
1882 01:36:30 And I didn't want to do it, but I had to.
1883 01:36:34 - Oh.- So I did.
1884 01:36:37 But they would help meso I wasn't so alone.
1885 01:36:42 They did a good job.
1886 01:36:45 Linda killed so many people.
1887 01:36:51 Those poor, poor men.
1888 01:36:52 And I hated it.
1889 01:36:54 Um, Charity.
1890 01:36:55 Until I didn't.
1891 01:36:57 - What can I do for you now?- Nothing.
1892 01:37:01 I just want to see you.
1893 01:37:03 I always knew that you would be my savior.
1894 01:37:06 That both of my sisters would be my savior
1895 01:37:09 and I might save you, too.
1896 01:37:12 But then I heard that you killed her.
1897 01:37:15 Why did you kill Faith?
1898 01:37:20 - Why did you do that?- Charity, y-you-you need to go.
1899 01:37:23 Why did you take Faith from me?I would've kept her.
1900 01:37:25 Y-You're gonna destroy everything.
1901 01:37:27 - I have a plan. I'm gonna fix everything.- You-you don't need to fix anything.
1902 01:37:30 I'm gonna fix everything. I forgive you.
1903 01:37:32 - I forgive you.- Okay.
1904 01:37:33 I won't let you go ever again.
1905 01:37:34 Yeah, I love you, too.
1906 01:37:35 Okay. Need to make sure...
1907 01:37:38 Oh, goddamn it.
1908 01:37:39 ...that we're together always.
1909 01:37:46 Don't worry.
1910 01:37:47 I saved you from Sean,
1911 01:37:49 and tonight I'll save you from Dante, too.
1912 01:37:54 Do you know I know the momentyou killed our sister?
1913 01:37:58 I woke up screamingbecause that water was so cold.
1914 01:38:04 I could feel her pain.
1915 01:38:09 But I could also feel yours.
1916 01:38:12 Because...
1917 01:38:15 ...I'm not your sister, I'm you.
1918 01:38:19 And you're me.
1919 01:38:22 And we're just one.
1920 01:38:24 We don't need Dante or Sean or Stephanie.
1921 01:38:29 We don't need a woman or a man.
1922 01:38:31 We just need each other.
1923 01:38:33 I'm only ever gonna make you feel good.
1924 01:38:37 So good.
1925 01:38:40 So good because it makes me feel good.
1926 01:38:47 Do you want to see what I mean?
1927 01:38:49 Blink if that's okay.
1928 01:38:51 Yay. We're gonna love this.
1929 01:38:54 We can feel so good...
1930 01:38:59 ...at the same time.
1931 01:39:10 Do you love it?
1932 01:39:13 We're gonna have this forever.
1933 01:39:17 Always.
1934 01:39:22 So...
1935 01:39:25 Charity's a sister-fucker?
1936 01:39:29 You couldn't wait to say that, could you?
1937 01:39:31 I mean, what was I gonna do, not say it?
1938 01:39:32 - To you of all people?- Well, I mean, you know,
1939 01:39:34 that might be the definition of too soon.
1940 01:39:37 Are you okay, by the way?
1941 01:39:39 Sorry. That was really dark.
1942 01:39:40 - Oh.- We kind of skipped over that.
1943 01:39:42 Thank you for your concern. Yeah.
1944 01:39:43 - It happens.- Well...
1945 01:39:44 Eh, it never fucking happens.
1946 01:39:45 Okay, so she locked you up, and you'vejust been there this entire time?
1947 01:39:49 Yeah, you know, she-she drugged me,put up a "do not disturb" sign,
1948 01:39:52 and then she went through with my wedding.
1949 01:39:54 Honestly, the thingthat's most upsetting to me
1950 01:39:56 in all of this is that...
1951 01:40:00 ...is that Dante diedthinking that that was me.
1952 01:40:03 You know, that I'm the onethat killed him.
1953 01:40:07 Anyway, for some reason, she didn'tshow up to drug me this morning, so--
1954 01:40:10 Yeah, 'cause she was killing an FBI agentand framing me for it.
1955 01:40:14 So what do we do now?
1956 01:40:16 We get Nickyand we get the fuck out of here.
1957 01:40:18 That's your plan?
1958 01:40:19 Yeah.
1959 01:40:21 Your suggestion is to just keep runningforever with a ten-year-old son?
1960 01:40:26 I know you brought me herefor revenge or as bait
1961 01:40:28 or you want to fucking kill meor something,
1962 01:40:30 but now the Mafiaand the actual FBI want my head.
1963 01:40:34 I didn't have to be part of this.I shouldn't be here.
1964 01:40:36 You could've just left me alone!
1965 01:40:37 Why am I part of this?!Why the fuck am I here?!
1966 01:40:39 Baby, you think the whole timethat everybody wants to kill you?
1967 01:40:43 I don't want to kill you.
1968 01:40:45 All these people want my head.
1969 01:40:47 You know, and if my plan didn't work out,which, you know, obviously,
1970 01:40:50 there was a very good chancethat it didn't,
1971 01:40:53 I knew that if something happened to me...
1972 01:40:57 I'd need to figure it out.
1973 01:40:59 You're my knightin shining fucking armor, Stephanie.
1974 01:41:01 That's why you're here.
1975 01:41:04 That's nice.
1976 01:41:05 Well, it's true.
1977 01:41:07 So, yeah, yeah, you know,I don't have a better plan.
1978 01:41:10 I'm all out.
1979 01:41:11 But you, you always do.
1980 01:41:12 You're ten steps ahead of everyone,so what do you got?
1981 01:41:15 'Cause I am not in the moodto kill another sister.
1982 01:41:19 Oh, someone should stitch thaton a pillow.
1983 01:41:22 Okay. Shit, let me just think.
1984 01:41:25 Just give me a second.
1985 01:41:29 Hey, why are you-- Where's your phone?
1986 01:41:31 Why are you live right now?
1987 01:41:33 What are you talking about?
1988 01:41:36 Hello, mothers.
1989 01:41:38 Emily here.
1990 01:41:40 I'm sure you're all expecting Stephanie,but as some of you may have heard,
1991 01:41:43 she's running from what she's done,
1992 01:41:46 and I need to find her now.
1993 01:41:49 So if any of you happen to see her,please tell her.
1994 01:41:52 Stephanie, you're like family to me.
1995 01:41:55 And I need my sister back.
1996 01:41:58 I can still feel you.
1997 01:42:02 Can you feel me?
1998 01:42:03 Aw, sister-fucker.
1999 01:42:06 I must go now, but first,
2000 01:42:09 say hi, angel.
2001 01:42:11 My sweet boy, say hi. Say hello.
2002 01:42:14 Okay, now I'm in the moodto kill a sister.
2003 01:42:16 He's so sleepy.
2004 01:42:19 He told me thatbeing away from me felt like
2005 01:42:23 falling off a cliff into oblivion.
2006 01:42:27 He's such a sweet boy.
2007 01:42:30 Okay.
2008 01:42:33 Time to cut outthis rebellious streak of his.
2009 01:42:35 We have somewhere to be.
2010 01:42:37 We hope you'll meet us there.
2011 01:42:41 Tiberius.
2012 01:42:42 - Here, take this.- Okay.
2013 01:42:44 Come on, let's go.
2014 01:42:45 And play it cool. That bitch is crazy.
2015 01:43:09 Hi.
2016 01:43:10 This is really fucked up, Linda.
2017 01:43:12 Oh, he'll never remember any of this.
2018 01:43:14 Charity really learned a lot from thatlovely pharmacist we had our time with.
2019 01:43:17 Her knowledge of chemicalsreally changed the game for me.
2020 01:43:21 Drugs make life so much easier,don't you think?
2021 01:43:24 You know I'm gonna kill both of youfor fucking with my kid, right?
2022 01:43:27 I hate to tell you, Emily,but Nicky couldn't tell the difference
2023 01:43:29 between his real mother andher dead sister, even before the drugs.
2024 01:43:33 Children are so adaptable.
2025 01:43:34 And they make perfect propsfor con artists.
2026 01:43:37 I mean, who wouldn't trust a womanwith an adorable child in tow?
2027 01:43:40 Isn't that what you've beenyour whole life, Charity?
2028 01:43:42 No.
2029 01:43:43 Just a little prop?
2030 01:43:44 To make your fake mother money?
2031 01:43:46 Oh, yeah, poor Charity.
2032 01:43:47 She really missed outon a charmed life with old Margaret.
2033 01:43:50 She could've grown upin a fucking nuthouse
2034 01:43:52 with a drug addictand a murderer as her siblings.
2035 01:43:55 Oh, eat a cock, Linda.
2036 01:43:57 What do you want?
2037 01:43:58 Seriously.
2038 01:44:00 How do you think the two of youget out of this?
2039 01:44:02 The FBI's onto you.
2040 01:44:03 One of their agentsjust got murdered by your daughter.
2041 01:44:07 Charity, what the fuck?
2042 01:44:09 Oh, yeah.
2043 01:44:11 Yeah, and...
2044 01:44:12 Dante's dead, so are-are yougonna blackmail a corpse?
2045 01:44:15 No, my blackmailing days are over.
2046 01:44:17 They died with Dante.
2047 01:44:19 And blackmail's such a Band-Aidon bigger problems anyway.
2048 01:44:22 The long-term solutions are the best ones.
2049 01:44:25 And the Versanos have so much more moneythan $20 million.
2050 01:44:29 Oh, the--I'm sorry, that's, uh, that's it?
2051 01:44:32 That's your plan?You're gonna steal from the Mob?
2052 01:44:34 No, I don't have to, darling.
2053 01:44:36 Charity married Dante.
2054 01:44:38 And everybody thinks she's you, Emily.
2055 01:44:41 She's part of the family.
2056 01:44:46 His powerful widow Emily.
2057 01:44:48 She'll take his place at the top,
2058 01:44:49 take care of her dear Aunt Lindaand her beloved Nicky,
2059 01:44:52 and we'll all live happily ever after.
2060 01:44:54 Yeah, except, uh, Portia fucking hates me,
2061 01:44:57 and she'll never give youthat sort of power, so--
2062 01:44:59 Well, you'd be amazed what a changedperson you've been since Dante died.
2063 01:45:04 A totally different woman.
2064 01:45:06 Mm.
2065 01:45:07 Whom Portia has become quite fond of.
2066 01:45:10 Well, other than the factthat your insanely jealous
2067 01:45:12 maid of honor was the onewho killed her son.
2068 01:45:15 But when you bring her Stephanie's body
2069 01:45:17 to prove yourself to the family,
2070 01:45:20 then all will be forgiven.
2071 01:45:24 Not bad, huh?
2072 01:45:30 - It's pretty perfect, Linda...- Mm-hmm.
2073 01:45:32 ...except for one thing.
2074 01:45:34 Emily has to die, Charity.
2075 01:45:36 No, no, Stephanie, only you do.
2076 01:45:40 Right. Just after Emily.
2077 01:45:43 - Goodbye, my dear niece.- No.
2078 01:45:46 - Only Stephanie.- What?
2079 01:45:48 No, Hope doesn't die.
2080 01:45:50 Charity, what the fuck?
2081 01:45:54 Only Stephanie. Hope stays alive.
2082 01:45:57 Yeah, and how does that work, nutjob?
2083 01:45:59 It does. Hope stays alive with me because
2084 01:46:02 we are one.
2085 01:46:04 No, she's right. Emily can't die.
2086 01:46:06 It's true.
2087 01:46:07 Charity and I are meantto be together always.
2088 01:46:10 Hey, fuck off and stay out of this,both of you!
2089 01:46:12 Charity, do not get weird on me, not now.
2090 01:46:14 I'm not letting you kill my soulmate.
2091 01:46:16 Jesus Christ, you only just met her!
2092 01:46:18 And there can't be two of you.It doesn't make any sense.
2093 01:46:20 - There's only one of us.- You're gonna...
2094 01:46:22 You're gonna blow the whole thing.
2095 01:46:23 Get-- No! Fuck!
2096 01:46:25 - Jesus!- Go. Go.
2097 01:46:26 How is this fucking happening?!
2098 01:46:27 Are you kidding me?!
2099 01:46:29 Why is this happening?!
2100 01:46:32 I will kill all three of you if I have to!
2101 01:46:35 Goddamn it!
2102 01:46:37 This plan is foolproof.
2103 01:46:39 You think it was easy to come up with itafter psycho fuck over here killed Dante?
2104 01:46:43 No, but I did it!
2105 01:46:45 And it's a great plan!
2106 01:46:46 And it's gonna happen right now!
2107 01:46:54 Stealth mode, bitch!
2108 01:46:56 No! Charity, give me the gun!
2109 01:46:58 No! Charity!
2110 01:47:06 Oh, shit!
2111 01:47:18 She'll be okay.
2112 01:47:23 But not you.
2113 01:47:25 No, no, no.
2114 01:47:26 Charity, no.
2115 01:47:27 Stephanie... Stephanie doesn't die, okay?
2116 01:47:29 She has to.
2117 01:47:32 Because she took you away from meand she'll do it again.
2118 01:47:35 And when she hurts you, she hurts me.
2119 01:47:37 She hurt me, too.
2120 01:47:39 No, Stephanie doesn't hurt people, okay?
2121 01:47:42 You and I, we-we-we... we do.
2122 01:47:45 It's what the McLandens do-- Margaret,Linda, my father, Faith, all of us.
2123 01:47:49 That's-that's why we...
2124 01:47:52 It's why we belong together.
2125 01:47:54 It's why we deserve each other, you know?
2126 01:47:57 Come here. I missed you.
2127 01:47:59 Come here.
2128 01:48:12 Oh, Charity, you killed so many people.
2129 01:48:18 I did it all for you.
2130 01:48:20 You shouldn't have done that.
2131 01:48:22 That-that wasn't right.
2132 01:48:24 You know, we can't let Stephaniepay for that, can we?
2133 01:48:30 No, we can't.
2134 01:48:31 I mean, I can't,and-and you and I, we're one, right?
2135 01:48:34 So, together we can fix this.
2136 01:48:38 You know, maybe you cando something for me, for us.
2137 01:48:43 For us.
2138 01:48:45 To make it better.
2139 01:48:47 Okay.
2140 01:48:48 I would do anything for us.
2141 01:48:54 And with us todayis Stephanie Smothers,
2142 01:48:56 whose book Dying for Love:
2143 01:48:58 A Killer in Capri is number oneon The New York Times Best Seller list.
2144 01:49:02 It's the follow-up to her first bookThe Faceless Blonde,
2145 01:49:04 which has also seenquite a boost in sales.
2146 01:49:08 It's a pleasure to be here.
2147 01:49:09 Emily Nelson--or Hope McLanden, I should say--
2148 01:49:13 quite a fascinating character study.
2149 01:49:15 Yeah. Um, Emily lived a lifestranger than fiction.
2150 01:49:18 I'm just glad that she's backin custody where she belongs,
2151 01:49:22 and I'm glad I could helpbring her to justice.
2152 01:49:24 Again.
2153 01:49:26 Right. Again.
2154 01:49:27 We'll have more lateron the arrest
2155 01:49:30 and extradition of Emily Nelson
2156 01:49:32 for the bizarre murdersof her ex-husband, new husband,
2157 01:49:36 aunt, mother, and FBI agent Irene Walker
2158 01:49:40 while on the island of Capri.
2159 01:49:42 Prosecution attorneys say Ms. Nelsonhas made a complete confession.
2160 01:49:47 Stephanie, you were also recently proven
2161 01:49:49 to have been rightabout the suspect you identified
2162 01:49:52 in what turned out to bean international child pornography ring.
2163 01:49:56 I've got to know, how do you gofrom shortbread recipes to crime solving?
2164 01:50:01 Um, I think you'll find I'm a womanwho's full of surprises, Jake.
2165 01:50:04 How else could I have ended upon your wonderful program?
2166 01:50:07 Oh, honey, you arereally crushing this interview.
2167 01:50:08 Aw, thank you. You're getting soft on me.
2168 01:50:11 No math on an empty stomach, guys.
2169 01:50:13 God, my mom's such a dork.
2170 01:50:15 No way, man. Your mom's a badass.
2171 01:50:18 Totally.
2172 01:50:20 Stephanie, you look great on television.
2173 01:50:22 Ms. Nelson's lawyershave abandoned her appeal
2174 01:50:24 in the case of the murderof her father Stanley and sister Faith.
2175 01:50:27 If convicted, she will be
2176 01:50:29 serving multiple life sentences.
2177 01:50:32 And we'll be right back.
2178 01:50:33 Jake Tapper could get it.
2179 01:50:36 - Hello?- Hey, it's your friend in hiding.
2180 01:50:38 Yeah, I know. How are you?
2181 01:50:40 Oh, I'm... you know, I'm okay.
2182 01:50:42 Better now that sister-fucker's locked up.
2183 01:50:45 Uh, I have something to ask you.
2184 01:50:46 Uh, you know, just a...
2185 01:50:49 simple favor for old times' sake.
2186 01:50:52 Anything.
2187 01:50:53 He's never gonna havea decent childhood with me, so...
2188 01:50:57 ...promise me you'll raise Nickyso he doesn't grow up like I did.
2189 01:51:01 You know, until I see him again.
2190 01:51:02 Yeah, I promise.
2191 01:51:04 Um, see you around?
2192 01:51:06 Yeah.
2193 01:51:08 I'll be keeping an eye on you.
2194 01:51:09 I'm always hiding in plain sight,brother-fucker.
2195 01:51:12 Will you be normal for once?Just say goodbye.
2196 01:51:14 I'll talk to you later.
2197 01:52:11 I know what you did...
2198 01:52:14 Hope.
2199 01:52:17 You don't get to be my ageas a woman in this business
2200 01:52:20 without knowing everything.
2201 01:52:24 Deep in my heart, I knew...
2202 01:52:27 you would never have hurt my Dante.
2203 01:52:31 I will keep your secret.
2204 01:52:37 He was...
2205 01:52:40 He was such a good friend to me.
2206 01:52:41 I-I really...
2207 01:52:44 I really loved him.
2208 01:52:45 I... I did.
2209 01:52:49 Mm. We all did.
2210 01:52:53 But my son is still dead because of you.
2211 01:53:08 However, I consider youto be part of the family now.
2212 01:53:14 And I expect a lot from family.
2213 01:53:19 So...
2214 01:53:21 because of this, I have...
2215 01:53:29 ...a simple favor...
2216 01:53:34 ...to ask of you.
2217 01:53:39 How simple?
