高尔夫球也疯狂2 Happy Gilmore 2(2025)(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:45 My name is Happy Gilmore.
2 00:00:48 Growing up, I alwayswanted to be a hockey player.
3 00:00:51 But then 30 years ago,I picked up a golf club.
4 00:00:57 Turned out to be a pretty good decision.
5 00:00:59 And Happy Gilmore wins the 98th U.S. Open.
6 00:01:03 I got to marrya great lady named Virginia,
7 00:01:07 and we had a son named Gordy.
8 00:01:09 The wins didn't always come as expected,
9 00:01:12 but like Grandma always said,
10 00:01:14 sometimes it's betterto be lucky than good.
11 00:01:18 Oh, Lord!
12 00:01:20 I made it!
13 00:01:23 Yeah, I was getting luckyin more ways than one.
14 00:01:26 He shoots, he scores!
15 00:01:28 And after our fourth boy in four years,
16 00:01:30 Virginia had an idea for an endorsement.
17 00:01:33 Trojan. Kids are great…
18 00:01:37 …in moderation.
19 00:01:39 What are you doing? Calm down!
20 00:01:42 I tried to get the boysinto competitive golf tournaments…
21 00:01:47 Follow that.
22 00:01:48 But their hockey instinctswere too strong.
23 00:01:52 Boys, stop! Come on, what are you doing?
24 00:01:57 Tiger Woods had a video game,so we did a Happy Gilmore one.
25 00:02:01 But I think the computer guysmade it a little too realistic.
26 00:02:05 You've had enough.
27 00:02:06 Anyways, the boys lovedhow violent it was,
28 00:02:08 but it made my little girl nervous.
29 00:02:11 That's right,we finally had a little girl,
30 00:02:14 sweet Vienna, Mommy's new best friend.
31 00:02:17 Oh, and I hosted Saturday Night Livea few times. That was nice.
32 00:02:20 The Spice Girls are here!
33 00:02:22 Maroon 5 is here!
34 00:02:24 The Weeknd is here!So stick around, we'll be right back.
35 00:02:28 Yeah, we had it all, so I told Virginia…
36 00:02:31 We should just retireso we can hang out with the kids all day.
37 00:02:35 We're not done with golf, Happy.
38 00:02:36 And golf's not done with us.
39 00:02:38 It's like Chubbs used to say.We've only just begun.
40 00:02:42 Hmm.
41 00:02:44 Gordy!
42 00:02:45 Oh, come on,don't pee on the slip-n-slide.
43 00:02:48 Appreciate your time today.It's Mother's Day.
44 00:02:50 We honor all of the motherswho are watching.
45 00:02:52 Let's go real deep now!
46 00:02:53 But in golf,even when you're at the top of your game…
47 00:02:57 you can always shank one.
48 00:03:03 Uh-oh.
49 00:03:06 After the funeral, I decidedI would never pick up a golf club again.
50 00:03:12 I was nowa single father of five children.
51 00:03:16 There was reallyonly one thing I could do…
52 00:03:19 I'd never been a big boozer,
53 00:03:21 but alcohol was the only thingthat helped me
54 00:03:23 to forget what I'd doneto the sweetest woman I'd ever known.
55 00:03:27 -Oh, one more thing…-It's no good.
56 00:03:28 The money.
57 00:03:30 Give me the…
58 00:03:33 No, no, dude! Come on, man.
59 00:03:36 See, Virginia always handled the finances,
60 00:03:38 so without her,a lot of stuff fell through the cracks.
61 00:03:41 Should I smash the window?
62 00:03:43 Then I caught some guytrying to break into my Ferrari.
63 00:03:46 Hey, can you hold my beer?
64 00:03:48 Yeah.
65 00:03:51 The guy wasn't a thief, he was a repo man.
66 00:03:54 Can you let me explain?
67 00:03:55 Turns out I didn't knowI had to renew the lease.
68 00:03:58 The big baby sued me,and I lost everything…
69 00:04:01 including Grandma's house,which was devastating.
70 00:04:18 The boys had tomove into an apartment together,
71 00:04:20 and me and Viennafound a new place that was affordable.
72 00:04:26 It's not the best neighborhood,but it's walkable to my new job.
73 00:04:32 Gary, can you pick up in section 2?
74 00:04:44 Happy Gilmore.Oh, my God, I'm such a massive fan.
75 00:04:48 Okay, bro, what can I help you with?
76 00:04:50 You ever hear of Maxi Sports Drink?
77 00:04:52 I think that's aisle four.
78 00:04:53 No. It's my company, I own it.
79 00:04:56 I'm Frank Manatee.
80 00:04:57 My real passion is this cutting-edgegolf project that I've been working on.
81 00:05:01 I don't golf no more, brother.
82 00:05:04 Cucumber juice in there?
83 00:05:05 Sure.
84 00:05:07 Anyway, I figuredmaybe you would start golfing again
85 00:05:09 once you heardhow huge this league was gonna be.
86 00:05:11 I wish you luck, but I'm not interested.
87 00:05:13 See, that's the thing.Nobody's interested in traditional golf.
88 00:05:16 It's a boring sportplayed by boring people.
89 00:05:18 They ain't boring, they're my friends.
90 00:05:20 You don't understand.You inspired this thing, all right?
91 00:05:23 And I love you,and I'd hate to see you pass this up
92 00:05:25 and have your life turn outworse than it already is.
93 00:05:29 I get it. Golf makes you tense, right?
94 00:05:31 Because the whole wife thing?
95 00:05:32 Get your skunk breathout of my face, or I swear to God--
96 00:05:35 Or what, tough guy?You're not gonna do a damn thing about it,
97 00:05:37 because if you lay one finger on me,you're going right to jail.
98 00:05:41 That's if I get caught.
99 00:05:44 Operations.
100 00:05:46 Hey, Linda, can you turnthe security cameras off for 90 seconds?
101 00:05:59 Seven, eight. Fouetté, fouetté. Finish.
102 00:06:06 Great. Arms, fifth. Soutenu.
103 00:06:11 Fouetté, fouetté.
104 00:06:14 Arms, fifth.
105 00:06:17 Soutenu. Chaîné, chaîné.
106 00:06:21 And arabesque.
107 00:06:25 Look at that.
108 00:06:27 Daddy!
109 00:06:28 Hey, Vienna.
110 00:06:30 Oh, with the kicks!Hey. The Rockettes are here.
111 00:06:35 Glad you're home.
112 00:06:37 You were a clue on Jeopardy!Let me show you.
113 00:06:39 Really?
114 00:06:40 Okay. Hi.
115 00:06:42 Hi.
116 00:06:43 How'd my girl do today?
117 00:06:45 Great. Beyond great.She needs a better teacher than me.
118 00:06:49 -Look.-Yeah.
119 00:06:50 With his amazing long drivesand hockey player's temper,
120 00:06:52 this golfer won the first of his sixTour Championships in 1996. Carter?
121 00:06:58 Who is Happy Goldberg?
122 00:06:59 Sorry, no. Ling.
123 00:07:01 Who is Happy Gudenstein?
124 00:07:02 Nope. Jana.
125 00:07:04 Who is Skippy Goldenbaum?
126 00:07:07 That is incorrect.
127 00:07:09 He is Jewish,but we were looking for Happy Gilmore.
128 00:07:12 At least he knew it.
129 00:07:13 I'm making your grandma'sbrisket for dinner.
130 00:07:15 The boys are coming.
131 00:07:16 Okay, good. Good, I can't wait.
132 00:07:19 What do you mean, a better teacher?Are you quitting?
133 00:07:22 No, but I work at the Boys and Girls Club.
134 00:07:24 She's light yearsbeyond anyone else I ever taught.
135 00:07:26 So what? Where should she go?
136 00:07:28 The Paris Opera Ballet School.
137 00:07:31 Where's that? Around here?
138 00:07:33 It's in Paris.
139 00:07:35 They only have four slots open each year.
140 00:07:38 I sent them the videos of Vienna,
141 00:07:40 and they're savingone of the slots for her.
142 00:07:42 Is it free?
143 00:07:44 How much is it?
144 00:07:47 $75,000 a year.
145 00:07:52 I marinated the brisket in ketchup all daylike you said Grandma used to.
146 00:07:55 Absolutely incredible.
147 00:07:56 You crushed it, Vivi.
148 00:07:58 Vienna, you're gonnahave to make more. I'm starving.
149 00:08:00 Easy, Bobby. Make your own.
150 00:08:01 -Terry, how about I make you cry?-Are you freaking kidding?
151 00:08:04 Yeah! Strangle him! Use it!
152 00:08:06 Put the fork down! Not the fork.
153 00:08:08 We fight in the basement,not at the table.
154 00:08:10 -Sorry, Daddy.-Sorry.
155 00:08:12 It's all right.
156 00:08:14 How's work going, boys?
157 00:08:15 I gotta say, Pop,I'm loving the road crew.
158 00:08:20 I'm killing it at the car wash.
159 00:08:23 I'm going for Employee of the Monthat the drugstore.
160 00:08:26 Whoop, whoop, whoop.
161 00:08:28 I've been keeping the sky safeat the airport.
162 00:08:34 Dude!
163 00:08:35 You guys wouldn't have to be workingif I didn't lose all our money.
164 00:08:39 -We don't need no money.-Money's for snobs.
165 00:08:41 Everybody needs moneyto chase their dreams.
166 00:08:45 You guys didn't even go to college
167 00:08:47 because you thought you had tostick around here and keep an eye on me.
168 00:08:50 What are you talking about?
169 00:08:51 -…we got brisket, we got hockey here.-…we got food.
170 00:08:54 I'm just psyched you thoughtany of us could get into college.
171 00:08:57 He's not going to college.
172 00:08:59 That's what he was talking about.
173 00:09:00 It's a turn of phrase. Not saying--
174 00:09:02 Turn of phrase? You just said--
175 00:09:04 Say your phrase.
176 00:09:05 It makes no sense.
177 00:09:07 I know what it means.
178 00:09:08 You turn and you look at somebodyand you say some--
179 00:09:11 Here, it's never endingCan't remember when it started
180 00:09:15 Pass around the lampshadeThere'll be plenty enough room in jail
181 00:09:23 If being wrong's a crimeI'm serving forever
182 00:09:27 If being strong's your kindI need help…
183 00:09:31 I'm telling you now,I'm getting the waterbed.
184 00:09:33 What are you talking about?I shottied the waterbed.
185 00:09:35 -Enough out of you.-What?
186 00:09:37 You're on the floor.You popped the waterbed.
187 00:09:39 -Come on, let's go.-All right.
188 00:09:41 -Night, guys. Love you.-Thanks for coming.
189 00:09:45 Call me when you get there.
190 00:09:47 Wait a minute. How are there four of you?
191 00:09:50 Wait a minute. Who's steering?Gordy, don't steer with your feet.
192 00:09:54 Chips off the old block, huh?
193 00:09:55 Hey, Uncle John Daly.
194 00:09:57 Hey, Vienna, Happy.
195 00:09:58 Hey, pal.
196 00:09:59 I'm almost out of here.I just put a down payment on a tent.
197 00:10:02 Will you stop? I don't want you to leave.
198 00:10:04 Stay as long as you need to.
199 00:10:06 I appreciate you.You want to come watch Love Island?
200 00:10:08 I do, but I'm going to havea couple of nightcaps
201 00:10:12 and get some rest for work tomorrow.
202 00:10:14 Make that scratch, dog.
203 00:10:15 Absolutely. Good night, my brother.
204 00:10:17 Night, night. Love you.
205 00:10:19 Love you.
206 00:10:20 Oh, my God. I hope he marries her.
207 00:10:23 She going for it.
208 00:10:28 I should be putting you to bed.
209 00:10:33 Look, Dad, I know Miss Simontalked to you about dance school,
210 00:10:36 but don't even think about it.
211 00:10:38 When I was a teenager,I wanted to be on the Bruins.
212 00:10:41 This is your Bruins.
213 00:10:43 Except you know how to danceand I didn't know how to skate.
214 00:10:47 Did you know Mama was a great dancer?
215 00:10:50 Yeah, she was.
216 00:10:52 Get some sleep, Dad.
217 00:10:55 Yeah, she was something else.
218 00:10:58 Good night, Dad.
219 00:11:00 Good night, Virginia.
220 00:11:11 I can't believe that me in cheap lingerie
221 00:11:14 carrying two pitchers of Mooseheadwas your "happy place."
222 00:11:19 I'm sorry, Virginia.
223 00:11:20 Oh, sweetie, don't worry.I'm not here to judge your fantasies.
224 00:11:24 No, not that. I'm sorry about…
225 00:11:28 Killing me with a tee shot?
226 00:11:31 Come on.
227 00:11:33 You've apologized for thata thousand times.
228 00:11:36 Look, Happy, I know you're worriedabout the kids' futures,
229 00:11:40 but you've got to show them by example.
230 00:11:44 Let them seethe Happy I fell in love with.
231 00:11:46 -I'm not that man anymore.-Mmm.
232 00:11:51 Okay. No, no, no.
233 00:11:53 -Please.-No, no.
234 00:11:55 Can you just hold on to thatfor a second, sweetie?
235 00:11:57 Honey, you'll always be the greatest,but you need some purpose.
236 00:12:03 So I'm gonna tell youwhat I always told you.
237 00:12:05 Okay.
238 00:12:08 You're not a hockey player, Happy.
239 00:12:11 You are a--
240 00:12:56 Hey, where you goingwith those clubs, punk?
241 00:12:58 Mr. Gilmore, I'm your caddie.
242 00:13:00 Oh, I'm sorry about that.
243 00:13:02 No, let me carry these.
244 00:13:03 They're my grandfather's. They're old.
245 00:13:32 You gonna hit that?
246 00:13:36 I don't know if I can, Johnny.
247 00:13:39 How are you gonnaput Vienna through ballet school?
248 00:13:41 You know about that?
249 00:13:42 Of course. You know what else I know?
250 00:13:44 It's $75,000 a year.
251 00:13:46 That's four years. That's 333 grand.
252 00:13:50 That's terrible math, Johnny.It's 300 grand.
253 00:13:53 Hey, if you can get a discount,that's great.
254 00:13:55 But how you gonna make that cha-ching?
255 00:13:57 I don't know.
256 00:13:58 I thought I'd pick a few double shiftsup at the supermarket. Maybe--
257 00:14:02 There's only one way you can makesome big dollars fast. Grip it and rip it.
258 00:14:06 Johnny, I wouldn't even knowwhere to start.
259 00:14:10 At the bottom.
260 00:14:16 Excuse me, I'm looking to get out there.
261 00:14:20 There's a threesome going out at 10:15.You can join them. Name?
262 00:14:25 Don't worry about it.
263 00:14:27 I won't.
264 00:14:30 Who was that? Grizzly Adams?
265 00:14:34 I don't know who that is.
266 00:14:36 Is it just us three?
267 00:14:38 No. Starter said a fourthis playing with us.
268 00:14:40 -We gotta play with some random?-Yup.
269 00:14:43 It's always some yin-yangwho plays like shit and never shuts up.
270 00:14:46 Oh, man. Is that him?
271 00:14:48 He looks like he got a divorcefour seconds ago.
272 00:14:51 Are you the one that's playing with us?
273 00:14:53 I think so, yeah.
274 00:14:54 We like to play quick, so try to keep up?
275 00:14:57 Got it.
276 00:15:00 -Let's get this party started?-Yeah.
277 00:15:02 -Yeah, let's get it started.-Whoo!
278 00:15:05 Oh!
279 00:15:09 -Whoo! Cart path!-Man!
280 00:15:11 -Nice one, Fitzy.-Hell yeah.
281 00:15:12 I will take that all day.
282 00:15:15 Yes, sir.You got this, girl. Get that shit.
283 00:15:21 Ha!
284 00:15:23 Gotta be happy with that, Sal.
285 00:15:25 -Top spinner. Just how I drew it up, boys.-Mmm-hmm.
286 00:15:28 Check this out.
287 00:15:31 Xanax arms, head still.
288 00:15:37 Oh!
289 00:15:39 -What the hell?-Holy shit.
290 00:15:41 Boom! Explosion!
291 00:15:43 That's my dog!
292 00:15:45 Mmm-hmm! Took a lesson at Golf Hut.
293 00:15:48 -It shows, Stein-man.-Uh-huh.
294 00:15:58 Man, I wish I was included in that.
295 00:16:01 -Boy.-He doing the Happy Gilmore swing?
296 00:16:04 My stupid unclealways tries that bullshit.
297 00:16:06 Swings and misses every time.Pain in my ass.
298 00:16:27 God. He rolled further than the ball.
299 00:16:32 Gonna be a long-ass day, my dudes.
300 00:16:45 Hell yeah!
301 00:16:50 Oh, eat a bag of--
302 00:16:55 Did you find your ball yet?
303 00:16:57 Yeah, I found it.
304 00:16:59 I'm just roaming around in here becauseI like poison ivy, you piece of--
305 00:17:05 Grandma!
306 00:17:09 Oh, choke on my dangling, wrinkly--
307 00:17:27 I don't know why,I get so intimidated in the sand.
308 00:17:30 The dude from Golf Hutsaid just flip it like a pancake.
309 00:17:33 -Flip that pancake, Sally.-Mmm-hmm.
310 00:17:37 Nice!
311 00:17:39 To the window, to the walls
312 00:17:41 To the walls
313 00:17:42 'Til sweat drop down my balls
314 00:17:45 'Til all these bitches crawl
315 00:17:47 'Til all skeet-skeet, motherfucker
316 00:17:49 'Til all skeet-skeet, goddamn
317 00:17:51 A-goddamn
318 00:17:59 Nice putt, dude.We'll put you down for a 12.
319 00:18:04 Yeah.
320 00:18:13 I think he thinksthe tee-marker's the ball.
321 00:18:20 Told you.
322 00:18:29 Hey, DJ Khaled, maybe givethe Happy Gilmore swing a rest?
323 00:18:32 Because it ain't working.
324 00:18:38 Yo, that is Happy Gilmore.
325 00:18:41 Happy Gilmore sucks?
326 00:18:47 Hey, can you call fore next time?
327 00:18:52 Fore!
328 00:19:00 Whoa.
329 00:19:03 Hey, man, at least it went in.
330 00:19:05 It did?
331 00:19:06 No!
332 00:19:09 Man, Happy Gilmoreis such a joke. It's sad.
333 00:19:12 Still got to askfor his autograph, though.
334 00:19:15 My auntie used to cream her jeansfor that fool.
335 00:19:17 Whoa!
336 00:19:19 Tell your aunt I'll sign her jeansfor $300,000.
337 00:19:24 I guess I'm a little rusty, gang.
338 00:19:27 The Stein-man recently had a lessonat the Golf Hut.
339 00:19:31 Yes.
340 00:19:32 But I just, I haven't swung a clubin ten years, so, sorry.
341 00:19:41 How about you, Chubbs?
342 00:19:45 You got any tips for me?
343 00:19:47 Relax, do what we talked about.
344 00:19:49 It's all in the hips,yeah, it's all in the hips!
345 00:19:53 It's all…
346 00:19:54 Oh, yeah. Ease the tension.
347 00:19:59 Oh. I miss you, baby.
348 00:20:02 My man having a wet dreamwe don't know about?
349 00:20:21 -Oh, my God!-Now that is some Happy Gilmore shit!
350 00:20:24 -Yes. Yeah.-Unbelievable!
351 00:20:27 I mean, I've hit some big ones,but that was a freakin' rocket!
352 00:20:32 It was, like, effortless,but still ferocious.
353 00:20:35 You got to teach me how to do that, dude.
354 00:20:38 Dude! Dude!
355 00:20:42 -Dude!-Dude!
356 00:20:45 Remember Happy Gilmore?He's making news on the golf course again.
357 00:20:49 And not the good kind.
358 00:20:50 He was apparently driving a golf cartwhile intoxicated last week
359 00:20:54 and struck another cart.
360 00:20:56 Stein-man!
361 00:20:57 Gilmore was arrested and charged withvandalism and driving under the influence.
362 00:21:01 Prosecutors agreed to suspendthe golf-cart-related charges
363 00:21:04 on the condition that Gilmorerefrain from any physical violence
364 00:21:08 and attend a radicalalcohol treatment program.
365 00:21:11 Go Bruins!
366 00:21:12 He was also fired from his jobat Stop & Shop.
367 00:21:16 Truly, a sad end for a sports legend.
368 00:21:21 Thanks for being with us today.
369 00:21:24 In 1996, you were arrested forinciting injury to persons or property,
370 00:21:30 conspiracy to commitvehicular manslaughter,
371 00:21:33 criminal menacing, and stealing a jacket.
372 00:21:39 At trial, you were found not guiltyby reason of insanity
373 00:21:42 and remanded to this facility.
374 00:21:43 That was 29 years ago.
375 00:21:47 It feels like yesterday.
376 00:21:49 Twenty-nine years is a long time,
377 00:21:51 and so this board is inclinedto grant you your release.
378 00:21:55 If we were to do so, what then?
379 00:21:57 Well, I'd want to give backto the community.
380 00:22:00 Especially the children who are,of course, our future.
381 00:22:04 And animals, also,who need to be snuggled,
382 00:22:07 and neutered with their permission,of course.
383 00:22:11 What about Happy Gilmore?
384 00:22:13 Oh, I would stay far, far away.
385 00:22:15 Far, far away from Gilmore.
386 00:22:17 What if you ran into him,say, on a golf course?
387 00:22:22 I'd wave or I could nod. That's also good.
388 00:22:27 And if he was wearing a gold jacket?
389 00:22:32 Incredible!
390 00:22:34 -Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket!-No!
391 00:22:39 I would fill a pillowcase with golf ballsand beat the piss out of him!
392 00:22:45 -I would tear the jacket off his back…-Guards.
393 00:22:47 …and shove it down his throat!
394 00:22:49 Bring this animal back to his cell!
395 00:22:51 That is my jacket! My jacket!
396 00:22:53 Shooter's gold! All mine! It's my gold…
397 00:23:00 Lunch? Benihana?
398 00:23:01 -Hell yeah.-Hell yeah.
399 00:23:11 Excuse me. Is this wherethe alcohol meetings are?
400 00:23:15 You're in the right place.How are you feeling?
401 00:23:18 Mmm, a little shaky.
402 00:23:19 First five days are rough.
403 00:23:21 Just get through today and your bodywill start turning the corner.
404 00:23:24 Thank you.And this is all on the down low, right?
405 00:23:27 Happy freakin' Gilmore!
406 00:23:30 I can't believeyou be hitting the bottle too!
407 00:23:34 I guess Bessiedidn't get the down low memo.
408 00:23:36 Yeah, that's all right.Where's the therapist?
409 00:23:39 He'll be here.He likes to make an entrance.
410 00:23:41 Mr. Gilmore?
411 00:23:45 Holy shit.
412 00:23:48 As I live and breathe.It is wonderful to see you.
413 00:23:52 How's Grandma?
414 00:23:55 Grandma? Passed away maybe 15 years ago.
415 00:23:59 Mmm. That's a shame.I know you loved on her so much.
416 00:24:03 Yeah.
417 00:24:05 Is that when you began abusing alcohol?
418 00:24:07 No, no. That actually started upafter my wife got killed.
419 00:24:11 -Mm. It's always something, isn't it?-Mmm-hmm.
420 00:24:15 Okay.
421 00:24:17 Happy, why don't you come on up front?
422 00:24:20 We have a new member here.
423 00:24:23 Hi. I'm Happy and I'm an alcoholic.
424 00:24:27 Oh, we don't say alcoholic.
425 00:24:29 We're not scientists.
426 00:24:30 We're just people trying to get by.We say "alkie". Keeps it light.
427 00:24:36 Uh… I'm Happy and I'm an alkie?
428 00:24:38 Say it loud and proud!
429 00:24:40 -Hi, I'm Happy and I'm an alkie!-Ha-ha!
430 00:24:44 Celebrities. They just like us.
431 00:24:46 Except they got a lot more cash.
432 00:24:48 Now, Charlotte,last week you were concerned
433 00:24:51 about a musical festivalyou were to attend.
434 00:24:54 How'd that work out?
435 00:24:55 -Fine. It was a concert.-Mmm-hmm.
436 00:24:58 My friends were drinkingand offering me drinks,
437 00:25:00 but I didn't have any.
438 00:25:02 But I bet you wanted that liquorsomething fierce, huh?
439 00:25:05 I mean, I was tempted, but…
440 00:25:06 I bet you would have kickedyour own mother in the face
441 00:25:09 just to get a sniff of that liquor,wouldn't you?
442 00:25:12 Not really.
443 00:25:13 Charlotte, if we don't stop lying,we don't stop drinking.
444 00:25:17 Why won't you stop lying?
445 00:25:20 Because I'm an alkie?
446 00:25:22 And how does a degenerate, low-life alkietake the first step to recovery?
447 00:25:28 By washing your car?
448 00:25:29 Bingo! Three o'clock, Thursday?
449 00:25:32 I got the soap, you bring the ragsand bucket, we make it a party?
450 00:25:35 -I'm sorry, I have a question.-Yeah?
451 00:25:38 What does the car-washinghave to do with the no-drinking?
452 00:25:42 You're thinking. You're thinking.
453 00:25:44 Mr. Gilmore's up in his headwhen really he should be
454 00:25:46 listening to meand keeping his mouth shut.
455 00:25:49 This is a radicalalcohol treatment program.
456 00:25:52 And the chief judge, my Uncle Dave,
457 00:25:55 he told me that I can do whatever I wantwith everyone in this room.
458 00:26:01 Check out the name tag.
459 00:26:02 You're in my world now, Grandma.
460 00:26:04 You're in my world now.
461 00:26:07 Oh, my gosh.
462 00:26:10 Welcome to the future of golf.
463 00:26:14 The greatest gamejust got a triple shot of adrenaline.
464 00:26:18 Experience the revolution of Maxi.
465 00:26:24 -Game over, regular golf.-Wow.
466 00:26:26 -Pretty great.-So good.
467 00:26:28 Yeah, it's something for sure. What is it?
468 00:26:30 -I mean, what are we seeing?-What is it?
469 00:26:32 So, basically,Maxi is a reimagining of golf.
470 00:26:35 It's golf for today.
471 00:26:37 Why is golf so boring and dumb?
472 00:26:39 Golf was invented 800 years ago,something like that.
473 00:26:41 I thought about it and I was like,
474 00:26:43 "If society could change,
475 00:26:44 how come the rules of golfhave stayed the same?"
476 00:26:47 And that's why I created Maxi.
477 00:26:50 -That's deep.-Yeah.
478 00:26:51 The NBA, the NFL, the NHL,they offer the highest quality product.
479 00:26:55 -Wow.-And so does Maxi.
480 00:26:57 You're saying Maxihas the best golfers in the world?
481 00:26:59 Oh, my God.
482 00:27:00 -You doing okay, Frank?-I think I'm going to die.
483 00:27:03 That's what's up, but listen, gang,
484 00:27:05 how are you going to getthese professional golfers
485 00:27:08 to play in this new league?
486 00:27:09 I've already got my golfersand they're the best.
487 00:27:12 You think they're better than the pros?
488 00:27:14 I don't think, Stat. I know.
489 00:27:16 You should think abouttalking to Happy Gilmore.
490 00:27:19 I don't know who that is.
491 00:27:21 -Yeah, tell that to the lobsters.-Mmm.
492 00:27:24 Johnny, what are you doingwith those chicken wings?
493 00:27:26 They've been in the fridgefor three weeks now, bro.
494 00:27:29 I just put this sauce on them.It gets rid of all the bacteria.
495 00:27:32 Hmm. I don't know about that,but good luck.
496 00:27:36 When you've done that, the TV remote.
497 00:27:38 Always wondered why that didn't work.
498 00:27:40 What are you doing on that contuder?
499 00:27:42 I'm looking for a job.
500 00:27:43 There's a new Dairy Queenaround here. I think they're hiring.
501 00:27:47 You're not going to make$330,000 at no Dairy Queen.
502 00:27:49 You know what you got to do.
503 00:27:51 I tried the golf.The golf didn't work out. Cuckoo clock.
504 00:27:55 Grandma's cuckoo clock?That's sacrilegious, Daddy.
505 00:27:58 Yeah, I know.
506 00:28:01 You can't give upbecause of one bad round.
507 00:28:04 You had to at leasthit a couple decent shots.
508 00:28:06 I think I hit one out of 117.
509 00:28:09 Yeah, next time you'll hit two
510 00:28:10 and then three, and before you know it,you're the best again.
511 00:28:13 I'm 58 years old, V.
512 00:28:14 Forget about being the best.
513 00:28:16 If you finish 30thin the Tour Championship,
514 00:28:19 -you make 100 grand, brother.-How am I going to finish 30th?
515 00:28:22 I lost to three idiotson a municipal course.
516 00:28:24 You were hammered.
517 00:28:26 Maybe you need to practice, Dad,like I do with dancing.
518 00:28:29 What else are you going to do, sober boy?You can't drink.
519 00:28:32 Hand sanitizer.
520 00:28:35 Let Uncle John take care of that.
521 00:28:39 This is hand sanitizer.
522 00:28:42 Gotcha.
523 00:28:46 -Were you Happy Gilmore?-Shh.
524 00:28:50 Um, do you want to try some clubs?
525 00:28:53 I do, yes.
526 00:28:56 Here, try the six iron.A lot of pros like it.
527 00:29:02 Yep, uh, that'll do.
528 00:29:08 He could picture the scene
529 00:29:10 Put his ear to the wall
530 00:29:13 No.
531 00:29:15 He heard one guitar…
532 00:29:18 To the right… Ooh!
533 00:29:20 Goddamn.
534 00:29:21 Hold my blanket.
535 00:29:22 Hold your blanket, all right.
536 00:29:25 All right, you want to loadon the back leg…
537 00:29:29 Uh-huh.
538 00:29:30 -And then…-Yeah.
539 00:29:33 Okay, I'll… I'll handle it.Thank you. I appreciate it.
540 00:29:36 -I don't know what happened.-Just do your thing.
541 00:29:39 Go!
542 00:29:43 You got to be quicker.
543 00:29:47 What are you doing, Dad? Hey.
544 00:29:49 Sobriety is a journey, not a destination.
545 00:29:54 I believe in you, Happy!
546 00:29:56 Someday he's going to make itTo the top
547 00:29:59 And be a juke box hero
548 00:30:02 Got stars in his eyes
549 00:30:05 He's a juke box hero…
550 00:30:08 "What my teacher didn't understand,what she couldn't understand,
551 00:30:12 "is that I only cheated on the test
552 00:30:15 because my mother had yelled at meabout the oatmeal cookies. Yet again…"
553 00:30:25 Oh, there he goes.
554 00:30:29 Nice even strokes. Thank you, Charlotte.
555 00:30:33 Good. Finish the louvers,then do the borders.
556 00:30:36 Yes, sir.
557 00:30:37 Ladies and gentlemen,please welcome Vienna Gilmore.
558 00:30:40 Everyone else sucksand you know it! Let's go, V!
559 00:30:43 Like a trip through the pastTo that day in the rain
560 00:30:47 Come on, Happy!
561 00:30:48 And that one guitarMade his whole life change
562 00:30:54 Now he needs to keep on rocking
563 00:30:57 He just can't stop
564 00:30:59 Happy! Happy!
565 00:31:01 That boy has got to stay on top
566 00:31:08 Happy! Happy! Happy!
567 00:31:13 He's got stars in his eyes
568 00:31:17 -Juke box hero-Got stars in his eyes
569 00:31:20 Boot!
570 00:31:22 Come on, baby! You're back! Let's go.
571 00:31:39 Do you mind?
572 00:31:42 I'm sorry.
573 00:31:42 What the hell are you doing?
574 00:31:44 I'll take off. Have a good day.
575 00:31:46 Go back to your mobile home.
576 00:31:49 Got you a little something, Pop.
577 00:31:51 What? What is it?
578 00:31:54 "Thirty days sober! Congrats, Daddy!"
579 00:31:59 You paint my house, brother.
580 00:32:06 Get him on the ground!
581 00:32:17 We'll put a little extra into this one.
582 00:32:19 Happy! Happy! Happy!
583 00:32:24 I am so sorry. I did not mean to do that.
584 00:32:29 Juke box hero
585 00:32:33 Juke box hero
586 00:32:39 Damn you, Happy Gilmore!
587 00:32:45 I put a thermos of coffee in yourpassenger seat, Dad, and a protein bar.
588 00:32:48 I love that. Thank you, Vivi.
589 00:32:50 You gonna bring back another gold jacket?
590 00:32:52 Don't be disappointedif that doesn't happen.
591 00:32:54 Just looking to get in the top 30.
592 00:32:55 But that gets you enough moneyto send Vienna to dance school.
593 00:32:58 You gotta do it.One of us kids has to amount to something.
594 00:33:00 What are you talking about?You're all something.
595 00:33:03 Something to me.Get in here. Love you guys.
596 00:33:07 This is the first time you're gonna befar away from us since Mom left.
597 00:33:10 We can FaceTime Dad every day.It'll be okay.
598 00:33:13 -Yeah, day or night. You hear me?-Yeah.
599 00:33:15 And I'll be back Sunday to see you goons.I promise you.
600 00:33:18 Hopefully with one of them big checks.
601 00:33:20 Hell yeah, Dad. Let's go.
602 00:33:23 Make sure John Dalydoesn't sleep in my bed.
603 00:33:25 If he does, no M&M's. Okay?
604 00:33:26 -Got it.-Got it.
605 00:33:31 Arnold.
606 00:33:34 Jack-o.
607 00:33:36 Tiger.
608 00:33:39 SpongeBob?
609 00:33:41 What is that?
610 00:33:42 What's with the beaver teeth?
611 00:33:44 The truth can hurt sometimes.
612 00:33:46 -Oh, my goodness. Dougie boy!-Happy!
613 00:33:50 I missed you, bro.How's everything been going?
614 00:33:53 Oh, it gets harder every year, Happy.
615 00:33:56 How's it getting harder? I'm not around.
616 00:33:58 Yeah, honestly, the Maxi Golf League.
617 00:34:00 The Maxi… I saw a commercial for that.It looked stupid.
618 00:34:03 -Well, supposedly, it is faster-paced…-Yeah, yeah.
619 00:34:07 …and our biggest sponsorsare suddenly slow to call me back.
620 00:34:10 I got a bad feeling about this.
621 00:34:12 We got the greatest golfers in the world.That's what people want to see, the best.
622 00:34:16 Manatee says his guys are better.
623 00:34:18 There's only one way to find out.
624 00:34:20 Challenge him.People would love to watch that.
625 00:34:22 Wow! Virginia really rubbed off on you.
626 00:34:26 We had five kids together.
627 00:34:27 She rubbed off on me all the time,
628 00:34:29 and I just laid therelike a sack of potatoes.
629 00:34:31 As charming as ever. Hey, just get inside.
630 00:34:34 The guys are excited to see you.
631 00:34:36 Would you at least get Invisalignfor that thing? Thank you.
632 00:34:41 Hey, Happy, you gonna finish offthat blueberry jubilee?
633 00:34:44 Oh, God. Freddy's still snakingeverybody's dessert? Okay, you got it.
634 00:34:48 Thank you. Cheers.
635 00:34:50 I'm so happy to be with you.Look forward to getting out there.
636 00:34:52 You gonna play tomorrow?
637 00:34:54 Why, you guys aren't playing?
638 00:34:56 Happy, these kids are 20, 30 years old.
639 00:34:58 We're old and stiff.
640 00:34:59 We're old, but we're still cool.
641 00:35:01 You guys taking aspirinbefore you get out there?
642 00:35:04 I'm popping them like Tic Tacs.
643 00:35:05 I grind them in my applesauce.
644 00:35:08 I used to be able to play 72 holeswithout breaking a sweat.
645 00:35:10 Now it takes me ten minutesto get out of this chair.
646 00:35:12 Yes?
647 00:35:14 Do you mind grabbing mea half iced tea and half lemonade?
648 00:35:17 Arnold Palmer.
649 00:35:18 No, Jack Nicklaus,but I do get that a lot.
650 00:35:22 Fantastic. Be back in a jiff.
651 00:35:24 Happy, what gives with the comebackattempt after all these years?
652 00:35:28 Well, I'm out of cash.
653 00:35:29 My daughter has an opportunityto go to this ballet school in Paris, so…
654 00:35:34 Happy, I've known you for 30 years.
655 00:35:36 You're like a son to me.How much you need?
656 00:35:39 300 grand.
657 00:35:40 Good luck tomorrow. Hit 'em straight.
658 00:35:43 -Excuse me, pal?-Yes, sir?
659 00:35:44 I asked for a Tanqueray and tonic,but they gave me Bombay instead.
660 00:35:48 I'm the busboy, sir.Sorry. I will get you a server right now.
661 00:35:52 Uh, do you want some bread?
662 00:35:54 No, just the right booze, thanks.
663 00:35:56 Okay.
664 00:35:57 I think I rattled him.
665 00:35:59 Hey, Happy, whatever happened to that guy,uh, Shooter McGavin?
666 00:36:03 I believe he's stillin an institution, Jack.
667 00:36:05 Wasn't he friends with O.J.?
668 00:36:06 Well, they used to vacation together.I don't know if they were friends, but…
669 00:36:16 This guy's losing it.
670 00:36:25 What are you doing here? It's quiet time.
671 00:36:28 You suddenly got somevery powerful friends, McGavin.
672 00:36:31 This is a court orderfor your immediate release.
673 00:36:35 Excuse me?Gentleman would like new gin and tonic.
674 00:36:39 He said Bombay, no Tanqueray.
675 00:36:42 You told Spiethy that was on me, man?
676 00:36:44 No, no.
677 00:36:45 You threw me under the bus.So you could be the hero?
678 00:36:48 No. I… No.
679 00:36:49 You stabbed me in my back.That's what time it is?
680 00:36:52 He just, he just said…
681 00:36:53 I can't work like this, man.Watching my six all day, every day.
682 00:36:57 I just wanted to help. I offered bread.
683 00:36:59 You mess around, you find out.
684 00:37:01 You're fired.
685 00:37:02 Fired?
686 00:37:08 Hey, pal. Yo. You thinkyou were a little harsh on the dude?
687 00:37:11 Sorry you had to hear that, Mr. Gilmore.
688 00:37:14 You don't know the backstory.Mr. Couples? More blueberry jubilee?
689 00:37:17 Nah, I'm okay. Maybe one more.
690 00:37:20 Yeah. Back in two.
691 00:37:25 Yackety-yack, don't come back.
692 00:37:29 Whoo!
693 00:37:31 Ah!
694 00:37:39 Shooter McGavin. I'm such a massive fan.
695 00:37:45 Gentlemen, thank you for being hereat the Tour Champions Dinner.
696 00:37:51 That's what she said.
697 00:37:55 I'm not sure that made sense, X.
698 00:37:57 Every time our sport has overcomea challenge, we have come out stronger.
699 00:38:01 Today's challenge is the Maxi Golf League,
700 00:38:04 who allege that they aregoing to make golf more watchable.
701 00:38:08 That's what she said.
702 00:38:12 -Great joke, Mr. Schauffele.-Thanks, buddy.
703 00:38:14 I just got off the phonewith the president
704 00:38:16 of this new league, Frank Manatee,
705 00:38:19 and I challenged him to a competition.
706 00:38:22 Frank accepted that challengeand then farted into the phone.
707 00:38:27 He did what?
708 00:38:29 What's the competition?
709 00:38:30 Our five best playersversus his five best.
710 00:38:33 Make it our five worst. It doesn't matter.We're gonna smoke them anyway!
711 00:38:39 -Whoo!-Yeah!
712 00:38:41 Now, I know that you all want the honorof kicking their ass.
713 00:38:46 -Yeah!-So how about this?
714 00:38:47 Top five finishers this weekendrepresent us in the challenge.
715 00:38:51 All right. Let's go.
716 00:38:54 That's what she said.
717 00:38:57 Gentlemen, by showingthe world our dominance,
718 00:39:00 we will eliminate this leaguebefore it even officially launches.
719 00:39:04 Let's go!
720 00:39:09 And now you've got something elseto play for, Happy.
721 00:39:14 Yeah! Yeah!
722 00:39:19 Gosh. I think there's a fork in my ass.
723 00:39:23 Now that's what she said.
724 00:39:26 Yeah!
725 00:39:36 The sun is shining.The greens are shimmering.
726 00:39:38 What a day to play some golf.
727 00:39:40 Welcome to the big one,the U.S. Bank Tour Championship.
728 00:39:45 I'm Verne Lundquist.Here, as always, with Jack Beard.
729 00:39:48 And the golfer everyone is talking about,Happy Gilmore.
730 00:39:52 -Looks handsome.-Yeah.
731 00:39:53 Gilmore returns after a ten-year absence.
732 00:39:57 Some of the guys set your locker up.
733 00:40:01 Bengay, Tums. Preparation H, yeah.
734 00:40:05 MiraLAX, always good.
735 00:40:06 And, uh, diapers. Now that's pushing it.
736 00:40:16 I know you never made itto the Bruins, Happy,
737 00:40:18 but maybe you'll makethis five-man wrecking crew.
738 00:40:20 Oh, I doubt that, Tony. I'm actuallyjust worried about making the cut.
739 00:40:25 Mr. Gilmore, Sergio told me
740 00:40:26 you forgot to bring a caddieto your first tournament. Is that true?
741 00:40:30 He said that? No.
742 00:40:32 Well, yeah, but still,I didn't know the rules back then.
743 00:40:35 That's insane.
744 00:40:37 Yeah, that was silly.Can't believe I would do that.
745 00:40:48 Hey, brother. Good to see you, man.So here's what happened.
746 00:40:52 My regular caddie moved to Switzerlandfor tax purposes,
747 00:40:56 so I'm kind of like, I got nowhere to go.
748 00:40:58 What do you say,you and me for old times' sake?
749 00:41:01 That's nice, Mr. Gilmore,
750 00:41:03 but I, unfortunately,I can't caddie for you today.
751 00:41:06 You're not still mad aboutthe whole choking you thing, are you?
752 00:41:10 No, it's not that.
753 00:41:11 It's actually, I don't caddie anymore.
754 00:41:14 I, uh… I play now.We're actually playing together today.
755 00:41:17 I didn't know that, Blondie.All right, well, I'll see you out there.
756 00:41:20 I'll see ya.
757 00:41:23 Blondie.
758 00:41:25 My name's Will, and I'm still mad at youfor choking me out, you son of a bitch.
759 00:41:30 We're minutes away from the start,
760 00:41:32 and Happy Gilmore is apparentlybreaking in yet another new caddie.
761 00:41:37 Uh, it's a club. Yeah.
762 00:41:39 Club. Oh, like the club sandwich.
763 00:41:41 Not the club sandwich. Okay.
764 00:41:42 Let's check in with our own Gary Potter,
765 00:41:45 who's with number one-rankedScottie Scheffler.
766 00:41:48 Thanks, Verne.
767 00:41:49 Scottie, you have been on quite a tear.
768 00:41:51 My God.You're seeing the ball and the hole,
769 00:41:53 and the position of the balland the hole… all good things.
770 00:41:56 Is there a question in there, Gary?
771 00:41:58 Scottie, if you're the best,does that make everyone else the worst?
772 00:42:03 I'm just gonna go warm up.
773 00:42:04 Always great catching up with Scottie.Back to you, Verne.
774 00:42:08 Thanks, Gary.
775 00:42:10 The threesome of Justin Thomas,Will Zalatoris,
776 00:42:14 and Happy Gilmore is about to tee off.
777 00:42:20 Ooh.
778 00:42:26 Nice. Nice bang, JT.
779 00:42:28 Pressure's on with Happy watching.
780 00:42:29 My family loves you.
781 00:42:31 I'm actually rooting for you.I gotta stop.
782 00:42:33 No. Keep it coming.I need all the love I can get.
783 00:42:35 Gotcha.
784 00:42:36 Now on the tee, Zalatoris, Will.
785 00:42:40 That's your name?
786 00:42:43 "That's your name?" What an idiot.
787 00:42:46 I'm a little intimidated.All these guys hit it big now, you know?
788 00:42:50 Do you need a water refill?Any breadsticks?
789 00:42:52 No. Maybe I'll go to my happy place.
790 00:42:56 Okay. I will be here.
791 00:43:05 It's not working.I don't drink beer anymore.
792 00:43:08 Good.
793 00:43:09 Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy.
794 00:43:12 Welcome back, Happy!
795 00:43:14 Golf fans around the worldare excited to see Happy Gilmore again,
796 00:43:18 but at 58 years old,
797 00:43:20 I'm not sure even Gilmore thinkshe can compete with today's best.
798 00:43:25 Hey, Happy!
799 00:43:26 I guess I need to update my happy place
800 00:43:28 to something a little moreage appropriate.
801 00:43:33 Whoa!
802 00:43:48 You can do it!
803 00:44:01 Yeah.
804 00:44:27 Okay.
805 00:44:29 Thank you, Happy!
806 00:44:31 -Let's go!-Let's go!
807 00:44:35 Never did that before. Thank you, man.
808 00:44:37 Okay, well, let's get--All right, we're going to go.
809 00:44:40 -But you bring those. Those always come.-Oh.
810 00:44:43 All right? That's it, that's it.
811 00:44:45 I'm sorry.
812 00:44:46 No, no. They got a strapif you want to use the strap.
813 00:45:01 A snake! Get it off me, god damn it!
814 00:45:05 Get the snake!
815 00:45:09 Come on. Come on. Come on.
816 00:45:11 Goal! Yeah, baby!
817 00:45:18 Come on, Happy!
818 00:45:21 Man, I don't drink.
819 00:45:23 How about some coffee?
820 00:45:25 That I can do! Let's go.Let's go. Let's go.
821 00:45:28 Chug, chug, chug!
822 00:45:33 Yeah!
823 00:45:37 Yeah! Let's go! Yeah!
824 00:45:47 Holy shit!
825 00:46:02 Still the man, Happy!
826 00:46:04 It's my kids. Sorry, everyone.
827 00:46:06 -Good to see you, boy!-There they are.
828 00:46:08 Daddy's on the tee…Wanna see Daddy drive the ball?
829 00:46:11 Please, dear. Thank you.All right, boys. This is for you.
830 00:46:17 Whoa!
831 00:46:19 Oh! Daddy got a hold of that one.
832 00:46:22 What are you doing?
833 00:46:24 Gordy! You got to see a doctor about that!
834 00:46:27 Happy! Happy! Happy!
835 00:46:28 Entering day twoand feeding off the fans' support,
836 00:46:31 Happy Gilmore has jumped into the top ten.
837 00:46:35 Oscar. Where were you? Who's this?
838 00:46:37 Oh, he's Esteban, my caddie.
839 00:46:40 -Okay.-Steven.
840 00:46:41 Steven, nice to meet…
841 00:46:42 No. You don't get a caddie.Caddies don't get caddies. I'm sorry.
842 00:46:44 No? Can he play?
843 00:46:46 What do you mean… He's not…
844 00:46:47 This is the pro tournament.I'm sorry. He's gotta go.
845 00:46:55 Happy Gilmore! Okay, got it. Okay.
846 00:46:58 All right. Ciao. Adiós.
847 00:46:59 He took his hat.
848 00:47:01 All right, go!
849 00:47:03 Okay, we got to play, man.Let me have the driver.
850 00:47:13 Oh, damn it.
851 00:47:17 Wait! Please!
852 00:47:21 Now he gets it.
853 00:47:28 -Happy! Happy!-That was the shot.
854 00:47:30 Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
855 00:47:32 And heading into Saturday, two shots back.
856 00:47:35 The comeback kid, Happy Gilmore.
857 00:47:38 Good shot, Happy!
858 00:47:51 Happy! Rules!
859 00:47:54 Happy! Happy!
860 00:47:58 Guys, what are you doing?I'm trying to watch your dad play golf!
861 00:48:01 -Guys, we can't hear!-Come on, guys.
862 00:48:04 No one could have expected this.
863 00:48:06 Happy Gilmore.
864 00:48:08 From off the couch to the topof the leaderboard.
865 00:48:12 And what was supposed to bea nostalgic footnote
866 00:48:14 has turned into one of the bestthree rounds anyone has ever seen.
867 00:48:19 The thing is,if I go for this and miss the cup,
868 00:48:22 it's going to rollright off the green, so… yeah.
869 00:48:25 -Okay, I see.-Yeah.
870 00:48:27 What's a green?
871 00:48:28 Green? Know what?Don't worry about that right now.
872 00:48:31 What I'm looking foris some positive energy, you know?
873 00:48:34 Can I help?
874 00:48:35 Actually, you can.Remember the happy place I went to?
875 00:48:38 -Yes.-You go to yours.
876 00:48:40 Okay, I'll try.
877 00:48:48 What's up, man?
878 00:48:50 What do you got there? Honey?
879 00:48:53 What is this? What is this?
880 00:48:57 Is this about the job? Come on--
881 00:49:00 Let's-- That's-- Come on, man.
882 00:49:06 Oh, no. Not a bear. Not a bear.
883 00:49:10 Goddamn you, busboy!
884 00:49:20 -I'm happy now. Hit the ball.-Yeah.
885 00:49:23 Yes.
886 00:49:24 You were thinking abouta bear eating that waiter, weren't you?
887 00:49:27 Yes.
888 00:49:28 -I thought so. Was there honey involved?-Un poquito.
889 00:49:32 I love it.
890 00:49:34 Come on, Happy.
891 00:49:36 Come on, Happy.
892 00:49:40 Oh, no. I don't see that one stopping.
893 00:49:43 Wait a minute.
894 00:49:44 Zalatoris' ball marker to the rescue!
895 00:49:48 Yeah, Blondie!
896 00:49:49 And the fairy tale continues.
897 00:49:52 Happy Gilmore has somehowturned back the hands of time.
898 00:49:58 -No. Not again.-Come here. Come on!
899 00:50:01 We gotta do it!
900 00:50:03 Oh!
901 00:50:06 I love it! Yeah, Oscar! Whoo!
902 00:50:11 Less than two monthsafter hitting rock bottom
903 00:50:13 in a drunken golf cart crash,
904 00:50:15 Happy Gilmore is 18 holes awayfrom a seventh gold jacket.
905 00:50:20 The only possible conclusion is that
906 00:50:22 Happy Gilmore has reached an agreementof some kind
907 00:50:25 with Satan, a.k.a. the Devil!
908 00:50:29 All right. Let's go! Happy!
909 00:50:32 -Good job, Mr. Gilmore.-What's up?
910 00:50:33 In the zone today. Man.
911 00:50:35 We were putting. We were doing okay.A little luck involved.
912 00:50:37 Hey, Mr. Gilmore. Billy Jenkins.
913 00:50:39 -Hey, nice to meet you, Bobby.-Billy.
914 00:50:41 Billy was on fire today.I was like, where did that come from?
915 00:50:44 Had the best round of my life.I'm in second place.
916 00:50:47 You and me play tomorrow.
917 00:50:48 You're kidding. Look forward to that.
918 00:50:50 I've never been in the hunt.It's a dream come true.
919 00:50:53 You're going to love it.You get in the top five,
920 00:50:55 you get to play against those buffoonsfrom the new league.
921 00:50:57 What's up with that toolstarting that league?
922 00:50:59 The guy came to see me to talk about it.
923 00:51:01 He had the worst breathI've ever smelled in my life.
924 00:51:04 Like somebody died in his mouth
925 00:51:05 or a donkey took a shit thereor something…
926 00:51:08 It was not good.Anyways, I got to get to a meeting.
927 00:51:10 Love you, Bubba. David, good to see you.
928 00:51:12 It's Billy.
929 00:51:13 So, in summary, I am nolonger allowed to purchase magic markers
930 00:51:19 in the state of Connecticut.
931 00:51:20 I am Nate, and I am one day sober.
932 00:51:26 Nate, you're an example to us all.
933 00:51:30 What?
934 00:51:31 Before we finish,I'd like to say a few words
935 00:51:33 about the remarkable achievementof our brother, Happy.
936 00:51:36 We've been watching you play, Mr. Gilmore.So inspiring.
937 00:51:39 Yeah! Happy Gilmore, making Black peoplelike golf again.
938 00:51:44 That's right, Bessie.
939 00:51:46 I just hope Happy's able tocontinue to play as well tomorrow.
940 00:51:50 Tomorrow being of course… Oh…
941 00:51:54 Mother's Day.
942 00:51:58 Welcome to the final roundof the Tour Championship.
943 00:52:02 Here come your current leaders.
944 00:52:04 Journeyman Billy Jenkins,
945 00:52:05 getting his first taste of successafter an undistinguished career.
946 00:52:10 The only man in his way,
947 00:52:11 a golf magiciannamed Happy Octavius Gilmore.
948 00:52:16 Octavius is his middle name?
949 00:52:18 Nah, but it sounds cool, doesn't it?
950 00:52:21 Wait a minute.
951 00:52:23 Can't wear shorts, Mr. Jenkins.It's a two-stroke penalty.
952 00:52:27 That's okay.
953 00:52:28 I don't want to be hot today.Makes my balls itchy.
954 00:52:32 Was that confidenceor just pure stupidity?
955 00:52:42 Now on the tee, Gilmore, Happy.
956 00:52:45 Nice shot, young man.
957 00:52:48 Happy Gilmore will try to defendhis eight-shot lead
958 00:52:51 on this glorious Mother's Day.
959 00:53:07 Gilmore was aiming right for some reason,and that's where it went.
960 00:53:11 A lot of holes left to play.
961 00:53:12 Yeah.
962 00:53:14 It's okay.
963 00:53:21 Mr. McGavin.
964 00:53:24 How'd you sleep?
965 00:53:25 This place… is amazing.
966 00:53:28 The pillows, the steam shower,
967 00:53:29 the free porn,
968 00:53:31 and these fluffy pancakes. Oh, my God.
969 00:53:34 What do you say you and I go on a tour
970 00:53:36 -and I show you what we're all about?-Mmm…
971 00:53:38 I'll make sure there's a fresh stackwaiting for you when we get back.
972 00:53:41 All right.
973 00:53:44 Slippers on?
974 00:53:45 And why don't you throw onsome underpants, too?
975 00:53:48 It's all right, Happy.
976 00:53:49 Hey, Happy. Remember me?
977 00:53:53 My dad used to be your bosswhen you worked in construction.
978 00:53:55 I'm truly proud of you.
979 00:53:57 Hey, thanks a lot, Mr. Larson.
980 00:54:00 Drago Larson. Little Drago Larson?
981 00:54:04 Hell yeah! My God!
982 00:54:06 I always felt bad about what I didto Daddy and the whole nail thing.
983 00:54:10 Actually, after he got it removed,
984 00:54:11 he kind of missed it,so he had it put back.
985 00:54:13 Oh, okay.
986 00:54:15 He passed away a few years ago.
987 00:54:17 I'm so sorry. What happened?
988 00:54:19 He rolled over in his sleep.
989 00:54:21 Oh, yeah.
990 00:54:22 At least I still have Mom.Every boy needs his mom.
991 00:54:26 -Yeah.-Happy have five kids, Mom.
992 00:54:29 Oh, tell your wife Happy Mother's Day.
993 00:54:32 His wife passed away.
994 00:54:34 Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
995 00:54:37 Why didn't you tell me, Jerko?
996 00:54:39 Mommy, don't hit me. Mommy, don't hit me.
997 00:54:41 Which club do you prefer, sir?
998 00:54:43 Let's go, Gilmore!
999 00:54:44 Give me… Let me have a wedge.
1000 00:54:51 Let's go, Happy.
1001 00:54:54 -Every boy needs a mom.-But we don't have one.
1002 00:54:56 You got it, Happy.
1003 00:54:58 -You can make it.-You got this.
1004 00:54:59 Do it. Come on.
1005 00:55:04 Oh!
1006 00:55:09 I gotta go to the bathroom.
1007 00:55:13 You came at a very special moment.
1008 00:55:16 Change is in the air.
1009 00:55:17 What change is that?
1010 00:55:18 Golf. New and improved.
1011 00:55:22 Gilmore must love all this.
1012 00:55:24 I wouldn't know.Happy Gilmore's a broken man.
1013 00:55:27 A broken man?
1014 00:55:28 Yeah, ever since the loss of his wife.
1015 00:55:31 Wait, Virginia Venit?
1016 00:55:33 Is that what her name was?
1017 00:55:35 Oh, man.
1018 00:55:38 Fart recognized.
1019 00:55:42 All right, come on in.
1020 00:55:44 Our current leader, Happy Gilmore,
1021 00:55:46 has been in the restroomfor an unusually long time.
1022 00:56:32 Let's play some golf.
1023 00:56:36 Billy Jenkins is playingan inspired round.
1024 00:56:40 Meanwhile, Happy Gilmore is strugglingto keep it in the fairway.
1025 00:56:47 Cart path.
1026 00:56:51 Wanna sip of my 3-wood?
1027 00:56:53 -No, gracias.-Okay.
1028 00:56:59 You scratch it, I hurt you.
1029 00:57:04 Thank you, Jesus!
1030 00:57:06 Plenty golf to be played.
1031 00:57:08 Happy, what does Mother's Day mean to you?
1032 00:57:10 Can you suck my white ass, Gary?Just suck the entire thing?
1033 00:57:16 Psycho.
1034 00:57:23 Oh.
1035 00:57:24 And it has all fallen apartfor Happy Gilmore…
1036 00:57:28 Happy's… wasted!
1037 00:57:32 …who is staggering,literally, to the finish.
1038 00:57:37 What I'm about to show youis the foundation of Maxi Golf.
1039 00:57:44 An X-ray from 1957.
1040 00:57:47 Who's Ben Daggett?
1041 00:57:49 He's the only guy who could hit it fartherthan Happy Octavius Gilmore.
1042 00:57:54 How come I never heard of him?
1043 00:57:56 Well, he was a degenerate.Couldn't putt for shit.
1044 00:57:58 Just drove around the countryin the 1950s,
1045 00:58:01 dominating long drive contests.
1046 00:58:03 They say he couldcarry the ball 500 yards.
1047 00:58:06 One day, one of the mobsterswho he owed some money to
1048 00:58:10 took a golf shoeand shoved it right up Ben's ass.
1049 00:58:13 And that's where this X-ray was taken.
1050 00:58:18 Do you see anything unusual here?
1051 00:58:20 Well, there appears to be a shoeup his rectal region.
1052 00:58:24 That's true. But see that?
1053 00:58:26 That's the iliolumbar ligament.Why is it in two pieces?
1054 00:58:29 Let me guess. Shoe up the ass?
1055 00:58:32 -No.-No?
1056 00:58:33 This happened much earlier in his life.
1057 00:58:35 Turns out Daggett severed itin a childhood go-kart accident.
1058 00:58:39 The separation of the ligamentfrom when he was a kid
1059 00:58:41 increased Daggett's range of motionin his hips,
1060 00:58:44 dramatically improvingthe amount of torque
1061 00:58:46 and club speed that he could generate.
1062 00:58:51 That's why he could hit it so far.Because of the shoe.
1063 00:58:53 Will you stop with the shoe?We're done with the shoe.
1064 00:58:56 It was a go-kart accidentthat severed the ligament
1065 00:58:59 and turned him intoa long-ball-hitting freak.
1066 00:59:02 And all those golfers outside?
1067 00:59:04 We snippedtheir iliolumbar ligaments, too.
1068 00:59:07 That's cheating.Who would agree to a surgery like that?
1069 00:59:10 Journeymen…who were good enough for the pros
1070 00:59:13 but could never figure outhow to beat the legends.
1071 00:59:23 It's all in the hips, Grandpa.It's all in the hips.
1072 00:59:29 Shooter, I want you to be the captainof the Maxi team.
1073 00:59:32 Hmm.
1074 00:59:33 -Thank you so much.-Absolutely, Mr. Manatee.
1075 00:59:36 Pancakes next time.
1076 00:59:37 And I haven't even showed youthe best part yet.
1077 00:59:43 18 holes? Boring.
1078 00:59:46 We do seven holes.
1079 00:59:48 Slow play? We got shot clocks.
1080 00:59:51 My God, this is obscene.
1081 00:59:53 It's a lot to take in. I get it.
1082 00:59:55 I will never have anythingto do with this…
1083 00:59:59 This abomination.
1084 01:00:01 You know, Shooter, it wasn't very easyto get you released.
1085 01:00:04 But it'd be pretty damn easyto get you recommitted.
1086 01:00:07 Yeah?
1087 01:00:09 Damn, that's hot.
1088 01:00:11 -I was told you liked it hot.-Do you?
1089 01:00:27 My eye!
1090 01:00:32 Yesterday, Happy Gilmore hadthe entire sports world rooting for him,
1091 01:00:36 and then he took all that good willand basically set it on fire.
1092 01:00:40 -Go to your happy place!-No!
1093 01:00:42 He also lost out on playingagainst the Maxi League
1094 01:00:45 as he finds himselfwith a sixth-place finish.
1095 01:00:48 And so it is Jenkinswho will lead the five-man team
1096 01:00:50 against the upstart Maxi League,or… so we thought.
1097 01:00:55 Sorry to pee in your punch bowl, folks,
1098 01:00:57 but I am actually a proud memberof the Maxi Golf League.
1099 01:01:02 Bye-bye, regular golf. Bye-bye.
1100 01:01:04 That's right. Billy's part of a new league
1101 01:01:06 where we hit longer,look cooler, and party harder.
1102 01:01:09 And the best part is,our guys are "Maxi Good."
1103 01:01:12 Give me the jacket.
1104 01:01:13 My sources in the DA's office say
1105 01:01:15 Gilmore's actionsviolated a plea agreement,
1106 01:01:17 relating to his drunken golf cart crashearlier this year,
1107 01:01:20 and that he only avoided arrestsdue to an ally causing a distraction.
1108 01:01:26 Hey, Drago,you forgot your underpants, Jerko!
1109 01:01:29 Gilmore is now facing six yearsin state prison,
1110 01:01:32 but I hope the authoritieswill deliver justice to golf fans
1111 01:01:36 by sentencing him to the electric chair,which at this point, he richly deserves.
1112 01:01:57 Oh, Virginia,I'm sorry you're no longer with us.
1113 01:02:00 You were a womanworking in a man's league.
1114 01:02:02 I bet that wasn't easy. Huh?
1115 01:02:06 Yeah. I guess I should also apologizefor asking you to get me a Pepsi.
1116 01:02:11 Diet.
1117 01:02:16 Gilmore.
1118 01:02:18 Shooter McGavin.
1119 01:02:19 Last time I saw you, you were running awayin slow motion with my gold jacket.
1120 01:02:25 That was my jacket!
1121 01:02:27 Take it. I've got five others.
1122 01:02:33 God! You would neverhave won them if I wasn't--
1123 01:02:36 What? In the loony bin?
1124 01:02:38 You stole my life from me.
1125 01:02:40 Now, why would I wantto steal the life of somebody
1126 01:02:45 who eats pieces of shit…
1127 01:02:48 -Oh, you…-…for breakfast?
1128 01:02:59 Game over, bitch.
1129 01:03:04 -Come on.-Okay.
1130 01:03:05 -Let's go.-We're gonna fist fight?
1131 01:03:07 -Want this?-Yeah.
1132 01:03:08 You sure you want that? Come on.
1133 01:03:18 Come here, now.
1134 01:03:20 That was for you, Grandma.
1135 01:03:22 I am so sorry I lost the house again.
1136 01:03:24 -Truly.-Hi, Grandma.
1137 01:03:26 Don't you ever talk to my grandma!
1138 01:03:28 Come on.
1139 01:03:31 Jackass!
1140 01:03:44 That was round one.
1141 01:03:46 We are done, son.You can tell everybody you won.
1142 01:03:50 Should I put my hair in a bunjust for fun?
1143 01:03:53 And play one-on-one with Attila the Hun?
1144 01:03:56 Oh, boy. That was good. Round two.
1145 01:04:00 Okay. We're even.
1146 01:04:01 Come on. You love this.
1147 01:04:04 -Get up. Absolutely.-Thanks, man.
1148 01:04:06 Okay. Hey.Are your hip ligaments cut in half?
1149 01:04:11 I don't think so.
1150 01:04:12 Anyone ever stick a shoe up your ass?
1151 01:04:15 Not that I can recollect.
1152 01:04:16 You realize these are strange questions?
1153 01:04:18 Apparently, if a certain hip ligamentis not attached,
1154 01:04:22 you can hit the ball farther.
1155 01:04:23 Oh. No. I always powered my drivesthe old-fashioned way. With rage.
1156 01:04:28 Yeah.
1157 01:04:29 You want to get out of these pajamas?I live around here.
1158 01:04:31 Yeah, thanks.
1159 01:04:33 Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
1160 01:04:45 They issued a warrantfor your arrest, Dad.
1161 01:04:47 Yeah, hide in the basement.
1162 01:04:49 I should just turn myself in.Get it over with.
1163 01:04:51 -We'll ask the lawyer when he gets here.-You hired a lawyer?
1164 01:04:54 Okay. How do I look?
1165 01:04:57 You look like my frickin' dad.
1166 01:04:59 Yeah.
1167 01:05:00 At least I'm not wearingthat ridiculous Bruins jersey.
1168 01:05:03 Uh-oh.
1169 01:05:06 Okay.
1170 01:05:09 Okay, get the door.
1171 01:05:14 Mr. Gilmore. Mr. McGavin. John Daly.
1172 01:05:18 Nice to see you again.
1173 01:05:20 You're the lawyer?I thought you were the IRS guy.
1174 01:05:23 I was, but I got tiredof everybody hating me
1175 01:05:26 and occasionally being thrownthrough a glass door.
1176 01:05:28 You hate me, don't you?
1177 01:05:34 -Right.-So, I went to law school.
1178 01:05:36 You didn't want to be hated anymore,so you became a lawyer?
1179 01:05:41 -That's funny.-Lawyers are snobs.
1180 01:05:43 -Pieces of shit.-Pieces of shit.
1181 01:05:45 Let's sit. Lots to talk about.
1182 01:05:47 Let me just have a little shower…
1183 01:05:50 This girl's got some body on her.
1184 01:05:52 Hey, we do not objectify women anymore.
1185 01:05:57 What?
1186 01:05:58 Okay, great. Uh, looks like the DAhas withdrawn the arrest warrant.
1187 01:06:03 What?
1188 01:06:04 Even though you appeared to some onlookers
1189 01:06:06 to be inebriated at the tournament,
1190 01:06:08 you weren't administered an alcohol test.
1191 01:06:10 -And… I have better news.-Yes?
1192 01:06:12 You came in sixth at that tournament.
1193 01:06:14 That's right. I forgot about that.How much did I win?
1194 01:06:17 Uh, $496,000.
1195 01:06:19 -Oh, my God!-No way!
1196 01:06:20 -No! What?-Holy shit!
1197 01:06:23 Baby! Yay!
1198 01:06:24 Now you're really gonna hate me.
1199 01:06:25 The tour is fining you$500,000 for bad behavior.
1200 01:06:31 So he lost $37,000?
1201 01:06:34 No. It's $33,000, Dad.
1202 01:06:35 It's $4,000, you buffoons.How is that good news?
1203 01:06:39 Well, you came in sixth,but the winner, Billy Jenkins,
1204 01:06:42 opted out of the tour teambecause he's playing for the bad guys.
1205 01:06:45 So you made the team.
1206 01:06:47 -Dad, that's great!-Whoa! Okay, Pop.
1207 01:06:49 They don't want me. I'm a disgrace.
1208 01:06:51 A freaking embarrassment.
1209 01:06:53 Let's go outside, Dad, for a second.
1210 01:06:56 Next.
1211 01:07:00 Well, Shooter,due to Mr. Manatee's sworn statement,
1212 01:07:04 you are now technically an escapeefrom a mental institution.
1213 01:07:08 Welcome to the club.
1214 01:07:12 Dad, it doesn't matterif you play for that team or not.
1215 01:07:16 You have to stop drinking.
1216 01:07:17 I did. It's just--
1217 01:07:18 Just nothing.You gotta find peace somehow.
1218 01:07:21 There's no peace. I…
1219 01:07:23 The reason I joined that tour again
1220 01:07:25 was to get you the future you deserve,and I lost $4,000.
1221 01:07:28 You think if you made that moneyI could leave you like this?
1222 01:07:31 It's not your job to take care of me.I told you.
1223 01:07:33 -Of course it is. We're family.-You're stuck with us.
1224 01:07:36 Yeah, come on, Dad.
1225 01:07:37 I don't want you to be stuck with me.
1226 01:07:39 You didn't do nothing wrong. It's me.
1227 01:07:41 I think this person could help.
1228 01:07:47 Hey, you gotta puta little mustard on that ball
1229 01:07:51 so it doesn't get stuckwhere the pirate hide his, uh, uh…
1230 01:07:55 booty and shit.
1231 01:07:56 The hold?
1232 01:07:58 Yeah, the hold. Get at it, kiddies.
1233 01:08:01 -Thank you!-Are you Slim Peterson?
1234 01:08:03 That's what they call me.
1235 01:08:05 Your dad Chubbs was my teacher.My name's Happy Gilmore--
1236 01:08:08 I know who you are.
1237 01:08:09 Hey, you gotta hit it under the octopusand bank it off one of his leg things.
1238 01:08:15 The tentacles?
1239 01:08:16 Yeah, testicles. Now, what was you saying?
1240 01:08:18 I need to talk to you for a few minutes.
1241 01:08:21 Damn, mosquitoes. They everywhere.
1242 01:08:23 -What…-Look at them.
1243 01:08:26 Alligator?
1244 01:08:27 No, vending machine.I didn't have enough change.
1245 01:08:30 Had to reach up there to getmy Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies.
1246 01:08:33 Man, looking at you just reminded meof what I did to you.
1247 01:08:37 What'd you do to me?
1248 01:08:38 What I did to my own kids. Stole a parent.
1249 01:08:41 Man, you gotta forgive yourself for that.
1250 01:08:43 Don't want to.
1251 01:08:44 I didn't want to forgive you either,
1252 01:08:46 because it was easier to hate you
1253 01:08:48 than to deal with the factthat my daddy wasn't coming back.
1254 01:08:52 It's kind of like I was using hateto keep him alive.
1255 01:08:56 But once I forgave you,I became myself again.
1256 01:08:59 And that's who I knewmy daddy wanted me to be.
1257 01:09:05 You loved your wife. You loved my dad.
1258 01:09:09 And they loved you, period.
1259 01:09:11 You know what else they loved? Golf.
1260 01:09:14 Oh, my God, yeah.
1261 01:09:15 I talked to your little girl,
1262 01:09:17 and she said you got a chanceto save the whole sport
1263 01:09:20 by playing against some clown league?
1264 01:09:22 Yeah, well, why don't you go kicksome bozo ass then?
1265 01:09:26 Let's do it for them.
1266 01:09:30 I am so sorry.
1267 01:09:32 Boy, why you had to squeeze it like that?
1268 01:09:34 I will throw these out. I can…
1269 01:09:36 Give them here. I got some Gorilla Glue.
1270 01:09:38 Yeah, love you, buddy.
1271 01:09:39 Yeah, man, thank you for stopping by.
1272 01:09:43 You know, we could use some help.
1273 01:09:46 Oh, about time somebodyrecognized my genius. Say less.
1274 01:09:51 Okay, okay.
1275 01:09:52 Where do you think you're going, Slim?
1276 01:09:54 I'm going to help save golf, Charley.
1277 01:09:56 If you leave now, you ain't evercoming back, you big pork chop.
1278 01:10:00 Damn straight I ain't never coming back,you fine-ass English hillbilly.
1279 01:10:04 Welcome, gentlemen.
1280 01:10:06 You are the five golferswho will represent our tour
1281 01:10:09 in the grudge matchagainst the Maxi League.
1282 01:10:13 I don't have to tell youhow important it is that we beat them.
1283 01:10:16 And here to talk about how we're going toaccomplish that is Shooter McGavin.
1284 01:10:22 Thank you, Doug. I'll take it from here.
1285 01:10:25 I want to talk to you about pressure.
1286 01:10:27 Now, as the most successful golferof the '90s,
1287 01:10:31 I've faced my share, believe me,
1288 01:10:34 but nothing like my 30 years in the can.
1289 01:10:37 And if I let my guard down therefor a nanosecond…
1290 01:10:41 Stab!
1291 01:10:43 I got a shiv in my guts.
1292 01:10:46 Anyway, I hear you guysall have ice water in your veins.
1293 01:10:49 Well, I reviewed the footageand I ain't seeing it.
1294 01:10:53 -Man, what's happening right now?-Uh…
1295 01:10:55 Bryson DeChambeau.
1296 01:10:58 2022 Portland Open. Eighth hole.
1297 01:11:01 You got a two-stroke lead.
1298 01:11:02 You got an opportunityto pull way ahead and…
1299 01:11:07 -Aw!-What?
1300 01:11:10 Huh?
1301 01:11:12 Oops.
1302 01:11:14 Come on. We all miss a puttevery now and then.
1303 01:11:16 Scottie Scheffler.
1304 01:11:19 Oh, boy.
1305 01:11:20 2019 Cadillac Invitational.
1306 01:11:23 Third hole. You're tied.Top of the leaderboard.
1307 01:11:25 It's Sunday. Pressure's on. And you…
1308 01:11:32 Hmm. Into the woods.
1309 01:11:34 The woods, Scottie? Are you afraid to win?
1310 01:11:37 -What about you?-What?
1311 01:11:39 Yeah. 1996 Tour Championship. Final round.
1312 01:11:42 Don't do it, boys.
1313 01:11:43 No. This isn't relevant.
1314 01:11:45 Four-stroke lead on the back nine?
1315 01:11:47 The guy who beat yougot hit by a Volkswagen.
1316 01:11:49 -Jackass!-Jackass!
1317 01:11:51 All right! Maybe I haven't handledthe pressure perfectly myself,
1318 01:11:55 but I have seen the surgically modifiedfreaks that you're playing.
1319 01:11:58 I have seen the monstrositythey're making you play on.
1320 01:12:01 And if you can't take the heat,golf, as we know it, it's finished!
1321 01:12:09 So let's do this!
1322 01:12:11 Come on. Let's put them in.
1323 01:12:13 All right. On three.
1324 01:12:14 -One, two, three… Shooter!-Golf!
1325 01:12:21 Time to prepare for a moving target.
1326 01:12:23 The cups are gonna be moving?
1327 01:12:24 Damn it, Rory.Nothing's off-limits for these commies.
1328 01:12:27 -Now, Oscar's cousin…-Esteban.
1329 01:12:29 Esteban is fast. And elusive, I'm told.
1330 01:12:33 He's gonna start at the red flag.
1331 01:12:35 If he makes it to the blue flag,we haven't done our jobs.
1332 01:12:38 He's cool with us hitting him?
1333 01:12:40 Yeah. He's been paid.
1334 01:12:41 What did he say?
1335 01:12:44 You're never gonna hit him.
1336 01:12:46 Oh, yeah? How come?
1337 01:12:47 I'm shifty!
1338 01:12:49 Okay, he's shifty. He is. I've seen it.
1339 01:12:53 Get your biscuits in the kitchen
1340 01:12:55 I'm a sous chef on a mission
1341 01:12:57 Baby, wiggle it, it's vicious
1342 01:12:59 We about to break the dishes
1343 01:13:01 Got the pepper with the sodium
1344 01:13:03 We cookin' with petroleumCome step up to the podium
1345 01:13:06 It's too easy!
1346 01:13:07 And cut up this linoleum
1347 01:13:10 Yeah!
1348 01:13:12 You got me!
1349 01:13:14 Come on, cousin. You're almost there.
1350 01:13:28 Okay, stop! We got him. We got him.
1351 01:13:33 I said stop! Who did that?
1352 01:13:38 Oscar. You sicko.
1353 01:13:41 -So I got a hockey question for you.-Uh-huh.
1354 01:13:43 I notice when the players fight,
1355 01:13:45 one of the guys is always pullingthe jersey over the head of the other guy
1356 01:13:48 -before he starts pounding on him.-Right.
1357 01:13:50 -Yeah.-Is that hard?
1358 01:13:51 -No, it's easy. You want me to show you?-Yes, please.
1359 01:13:54 Brother. Can I borrow you for a second?
1360 01:13:56 Basically all you dois pull the shirt over.
1361 01:13:59 This traps the arms. You know?
1362 01:14:00 -Yeah.-Knockout. Money.
1363 01:14:02 -You sure?-Yeah.
1364 01:14:03 Okay. How much?
1365 01:14:05 Fifty.
1366 01:14:06 Uh, I'll give you a hundred.Here we go. You know what I mean?
1367 01:14:10 Yeah. That was nice.
1368 01:14:11 -Okay. Money.-Okay. You got it, Scottie. I'm broke.
1369 01:14:13 -Thank you.-There you go. Okay.
1370 01:14:15 Great job, today, by the way.
1371 01:14:17 -Excellent. Yeah, it's fun.-Yeah. That was easy.
1372 01:14:19 I love my job.
1373 01:14:21 Mini-golf-style putting is abouttwo things, angles and obstacles.
1374 01:14:26 If you can read the angles,you can avoid the obstacles.
1375 01:14:30 Let's puttso we can figure those angles out.
1376 01:14:34 Yes! Scheffler!
1377 01:14:38 Yeah, you're right.
1378 01:14:40 One more day before we face these chumps.This is how I used to toughen up.
1379 01:14:52 Oh, my God, Rory!
1380 01:14:55 Okay, Oscar, let's see your stuff.
1381 01:15:11 Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it
1382 01:15:16 Oh! Do you want breadsticks?
1383 01:15:24 A batting cage to toughen up?
1384 01:15:26 I love how much we're in your head.
1385 01:15:29 Oh, I think we're in your head, Brendan.
1386 01:15:31 Otherwise, you wouldn't be snooping aroundand following us.
1387 01:15:34 My name is Billy.
1388 01:15:35 Hey, settle down, Barry,
1389 01:15:36 and get off the electric Royce.No leaning.
1390 01:15:39 Look, Happy, I don't want tohave to humiliate you tomorrow.
1391 01:15:43 You're in the DNA of my league.
1392 01:15:45 The way you rebelledagainst the traditions
1393 01:15:48 and fussiness of golf, it was beautiful.
1394 01:15:50 So I'm gonna offer you one last chanceto be a part of it, okay?
1395 01:15:53 Hell no.
1396 01:15:54 And you look like Freddy Kruegerworked at Starbucks. Change it.
1397 01:15:58 I'll give you 10% of the company.
1398 01:16:01 I can't believe I'm the onesticking up for tradition, but…
1399 01:16:05 My wife liked the waygolf was played, as is.
1400 01:16:08 And she was pretty muchright about everything.
1401 01:16:11 So sorry, boys, but tomorrow,your dumb league is done.
1402 01:16:15 No, tomorrow, I'm gonna finishthe revolution you started.
1403 01:16:18 I heard what you saidabout my breath to Bubba Watson.
1404 01:16:21 I have gingivitis. It's hereditary, okay?
1405 01:16:23 And I got it from my great-grandfather.So I'm so sorry.
1406 01:16:27 I'm literally smelling it from here.
1407 01:16:29 And the wind is blowing that way.
1408 01:16:31 Something has to change in your life.I'm telling you.
1409 01:16:55 Okay.
1410 01:16:57 Come here. Bring it in.
1411 01:16:58 I just wanted to say thank you guysfor always getting me back on track.
1412 01:17:01 -I love you.-Love you.
1413 01:17:03 This ain't about Vivi going todance school. It's about saving golf?
1414 01:17:06 Maybe we can do both,
1415 01:17:08 but we will figure that out, I promise.
1416 01:17:10 Because we're Gilmores,and we don't know how to stop.
1417 01:17:12 Hell yeah, Pop, let's go!
1418 01:17:14 And don't forget to feed John Dalythree times a day.
1419 01:17:16 -Okay.-Got it.
1420 01:17:17 -Love you guys.-You heard him.
1421 01:17:19 Let's do this for Mom.
1422 01:17:20 -For Mom!-For Mommy.
1423 01:17:23 -You got this.-That's right.
1424 01:17:25 That's right. She deserves it.
1425 01:17:26 Go get 'em, Dad.
1426 01:17:29 Pop…
1427 01:17:30 -All right.-Yeah!
1428 01:17:32 -What's going on?-Let's go.
1429 01:17:33 -Go Dad, you got this.-Go Daddy!
1430 01:17:34 -What's going on?-Stupid.
1431 01:17:37 -Damn it.-Are you kidding me?
1432 01:17:47 What are you doing?
1433 01:17:48 What's with this guy?
1434 01:17:49 What you doing hitting my dad's car?
1435 01:17:51 This is a family affair, bro!
1436 01:17:53 Take him down, boys! Let's go!
1437 01:17:56 -Whoa, whoa, whoa!-What's he doing?
1438 01:17:59 Get him!
1439 01:18:00 Chase him! That's right!
1440 01:18:02 -Where you going?-Get him!
1441 01:18:04 What the hell is happening?
1442 01:18:09 Welcome to an eventunique in the annals of sport.
1443 01:18:13 A one-time showdownbetween golf's greatest players
1444 01:18:17 and the wild upstartswho seek to supplant them.
1445 01:18:20 Let's get it on.
1446 01:18:22 Welcome to the Maxi Tour Challenge.
1447 01:18:25 I'm Verne Lundquist,along with my partner, Jack Beard,
1448 01:18:29 and my new partner, DJ Omar Gosh.
1449 01:18:32 Truly bitching to be here, Verne.
1450 01:18:37 Ladies and gentlemen of planet Earth!
1451 01:18:41 Are you prepared to have your minds blown?
1452 01:18:47 I'm tippy-toeing.I said I'm tip-- Thank you.
1453 01:18:51 I said are you guys ready to see some golfso exciting your heads will explode?
1454 01:18:56 Whoo!
1455 01:18:58 Here are the Maxi Golfers!
1456 01:19:01 Go Harley!
1457 01:19:03 We've got Harley…
1458 01:19:05 Flex!
1459 01:19:07 Screech!
1460 01:19:09 8 Ball!
1461 01:19:11 And Tour Champion Billy Jenkins!
1462 01:19:27 And now let's welcome their opponents,
1463 01:19:30 the Basic Vanilla Regular Golfers.
1464 01:19:33 Boo!
1465 01:19:38 Goodbye to you
1466 01:19:41 Goodbye to you
1467 01:19:42 Holy shit! Is that Shooter McGavin?
1468 01:19:45 Look who decided to show.
1469 01:19:47 You never finished your pancakes,by the way.
1470 01:19:49 You want coffee in your other eye?
1471 01:19:50 Ha! Get a furloughfrom the Funny Farm, Shitter?
1472 01:19:54 -Laugh it up Blue Balls.-It's 8 Ball!
1473 01:19:56 Your name's Davis Miller.You're my brother's college roommate.
1474 01:19:59 It's 8 Ball now!Tell him I said what's up.
1475 01:20:02 You guys get these clothesfrom the Lost and Found at Comic-Con?
1476 01:20:05 Did you get these melonsfrom your mommy? Yeah?
1477 01:20:08 Don't twist my boy's titties!Those are mine!
1478 01:20:09 Hey, I'll twist your head off, slap-nuts!
1479 01:20:13 Break it up! All right, knock it off!
1480 01:20:16 Golfers, we have a seven-hole course.
1481 01:20:18 First up, Mr. Schefflergoing up against Mr. Harley.
1482 01:20:22 Ladies and gentlemen,let's play some Maxi Golf!
1483 01:20:27 -Let's drink up! Come on, let's go!-Yeah! All right! Whoo!
1484 01:20:31 -Here.-No, I'm good.
1485 01:20:34 -You got your own.-Mmm.
1486 01:20:35 -I want to try that.-Mmm-mmm.
1487 01:20:38 And so it begins, hole number one.
1488 01:20:41 Best of five matches,so we only gotta win three of them today.
1489 01:20:44 I say we sweep these goofy bitches.
1490 01:20:45 -That's a good idea.-Yeah.
1491 01:20:50 The fairway's a forest?I don't even know where to lay up.
1492 01:20:54 Or you don't lay-up,
1493 01:20:56 and you crush the ball500 yards over the trees.
1494 01:21:09 Whoa.
1495 01:21:16 And Harley clears the entire forest.
1496 01:21:21 You ain't number one on this tour, chump.
1497 01:21:25 You smell like my stepfather.
1498 01:21:28 Let's go, Scottie.Come on, now. Let's shake that off.
1499 01:21:31 You the man, Scottie!
1500 01:21:33 Miss it! Miss it!
1501 01:21:44 Quite An impressive right cross,
1502 01:21:46 but Scottie Scheffleris going to be disqualified
1503 01:21:49 before ever swinging a club.
1504 01:21:51 Whoo! That was some gangster shit.
1505 01:21:54 Gangster shit indeed.
1506 01:21:57 There goes the sweep.
1507 01:21:58 Yeah.
1508 01:22:00 Oh, no, not again.
1509 01:22:02 -Come on.-I know the drill.
1510 01:22:05 -Bye-bye!-Sorry, boys.
1511 01:22:07 We'll take care of business, all right?
1512 01:22:10 Next on the tee, Rory McIlroy and Screech.
1513 01:22:17 Screech?
1514 01:22:19 They call me Screech
1515 01:22:20 'cause that's the sound my chainsaw makesevery time I tear up a golf course.
1516 01:22:24 Isn't Screech a characterin Saved by the Bell?
1517 01:22:27 I'm not familiar with that program.
1518 01:22:28 He was like the comic relief on the show.
1519 01:22:31 Yeah, like the white Urkel.
1520 01:22:33 Nobody cares about that '90s shit!
1521 01:22:35 Those guys do.
1522 01:22:36 I love you, Screech!
1523 01:22:41 Let's just play Maxi Golf, all right?
1524 01:22:46 The rest of the Maxi teamhas no problem clearing the trees.
1525 01:22:54 The regular golfers, not so much.
1526 01:22:57 Go, go!
1527 01:23:00 Hold on! I'm speeding!
1528 01:23:04 -There it is! Right there!-Yeah, okay.
1529 01:23:08 Oh, my God. There goes the 8.
1530 01:23:12 Shut up!
1531 01:23:15 Here we go! To the right! Whoo!
1532 01:23:20 Yeah!
1533 01:23:22 Looking a little tired, Bry-Bry.
1534 01:23:24 You're looking likeyou wanna go for a swim, Davis.
1535 01:23:26 This is the new golf, Bryson,and it's 8 Ball!
1536 01:23:37 Where's my ball?
1537 01:23:38 Bad shot, Happy.
1538 01:23:39 This'll make you feel better.How about you take just a sip?
1539 01:23:49 Wow.
1540 01:23:52 We're doing a breath contest?Yeah, I'd walk away too, pal.
1541 01:23:56 McIlroy's tee shot landedin the right bunker,
1542 01:23:58 which, like much of this hole,appears to be on fire.
1543 01:24:05 Screech!
1544 01:24:13 Yeah!
1545 01:24:15 Viva regular golf!
1546 01:24:19 Hey, man. I'm gonna change the channel.
1547 01:24:21 Frankie, sit your ass down.We're watching golf.
1548 01:24:24 All right. I'm sorry.
1549 01:24:28 Get in the hole.
1550 01:24:32 Oh! Wow!
1551 01:24:37 That's what I'm talking about, baby.
1552 01:24:41 God damn it, I just washed that.
1553 01:24:43 It seems like nothingis gonna slow Gilmore down.
1554 01:24:46 All right. See you tryand beat this one, Happy.
1555 01:24:52 Let's go, Gilmore!
1556 01:24:55 -You jackass.-What the…
1557 01:24:58 Oh!
1558 01:24:59 Are you kidding me right now?You just cost me the hole, dude!
1559 01:25:02 Happy Gilmore.
1560 01:25:05 Man, I wish my fatherwas here to see this.
1561 01:25:08 Ya jackass.
1562 01:25:09 Jackass.
1563 01:25:10 -Jackass!-There he is.
1564 01:25:11 Unfortunately……he's in the great Sizzler in the sky.
1565 01:25:15 Know what? I don't miss that dude at all.
1566 01:25:18 What are you gonna do, Happy boy?
1567 01:25:19 Unless you wanna go to jail,you can't hit me. Jackass.
1568 01:25:23 Oh, my goodness!
1569 01:25:24 Yeah… but we can.
1570 01:25:27 You guys came?
1571 01:25:28 This your posse?
1572 01:25:29 -This is what I do.-Okay, let's see.
1573 01:25:31 There's only four of you?Better go get some help!
1574 01:25:34 Okay. Okay.
1575 01:25:36 -Come on! Get him up, boys!-I know a lot about fighting.
1576 01:25:39 I'll bite your leg off.You want some smoke?
1577 01:25:44 This ain't nothing.Now you got me really pissed.
1578 01:25:47 Oh, what is this? You want some of this?
1579 01:25:50 Look at the gators!
1580 01:25:51 You brought the whole family.
1581 01:25:54 Oh, my dick!
1582 01:25:55 Oh! Whoa! Detroit!
1583 01:25:58 I just don't give a--
1584 01:26:04 Put some respect on my name, bitch.
1585 01:26:06 -What is he doing to those gators?-Jackass!
1586 01:26:10 Well, it looks like we haveour first fatality.
1587 01:26:14 Whoo!
1588 01:26:16 If you can believe it,
1589 01:26:17 the Maxi Golfersare up two matches to one,
1590 01:26:20 which means Koepka and Gilmore
1591 01:26:21 are going to have to win outin order to defeat the Maxi team.
1592 01:26:25 All right there, Flex! Come on, Flex!
1593 01:26:29 Boom!
1594 01:26:35 -Nice shot, hottie!-Ooh!
1595 01:26:37 No pressure, Boobs Getchya.
1596 01:26:39 Next on the tee, Brooks Koepka.
1597 01:26:41 To me, the smartest playis to come up short of the icy green
1598 01:26:45 and give yourself a chance to chip it in.
1599 01:26:55 Yes! Oh, God!
1600 01:26:58 Sorry, guys.I knew I shouldn't have fist-pumped.
1601 01:27:00 Sucks for you guys.
1602 01:27:02 Another disqualification. Game over.
1603 01:27:05 No, wait. In the event of an injury,we have the right to substitute.
1604 01:27:09 All right, fine. Fine.
1605 01:27:11 Who you guys got?
1606 01:27:12 The one and only.
1607 01:27:19 What's that now?
1608 01:27:21 And a wild day just got a bit wilder.
1609 01:27:24 Shooter McGavin will take overfor Brooks Koepka
1610 01:27:27 here on the sixth holeand the putt from Flex.
1611 01:27:33 Oh, it's off course.
1612 01:27:35 I think I see an opening.
1613 01:27:38 Let's go, Scooter! Clock's a-tickin'!
1614 01:27:41 This is a joke.I'm not a competitive golfer anymore.
1615 01:27:43 What are you talking about?You still got the shooter in you.
1616 01:27:46 That guy's long gone, Gilmore.
1617 01:27:47 No. He's sleeping.It's time to wake him up.
1618 01:27:50 Look at these punks. The B-lists.
1619 01:27:53 -Never won shit on the real tour.-Yeah.
1620 01:27:55 And now they're laughingat Shooter McGavin,
1621 01:27:57 the greatest golfer of the '90s,except for me and Tiger?
1622 01:28:01 How dare they?How dare they disrespect you?
1623 01:28:06 Where should they go?
1624 01:28:08 -Back.-Back where?
1625 01:28:10 -Back to…-To their what?
1626 01:28:12 -To their shanties.-Aha!
1627 01:28:14 Because this is whose tour?
1628 01:28:16 It's Shooter's, Shooter's tour.
1629 01:28:18 -Whose tour?-It's Shooter's tour!
1630 01:28:20 -Whose tour?-It's Shooter's tour, baby!
1631 01:28:25 Yeah!
1632 01:28:26 He's got the old pistols back again.
1633 01:28:28 -Give the man his lob wedge.-Oh, I'm feeling it now.
1634 01:28:33 No pressure. No pressure.
1635 01:28:34 You're not gonna make it, Shooter.Tick tock.
1636 01:28:40 -Five, four…-No!
1637 01:28:44 …three, two, one!
1638 01:28:47 You've got to be kidding me!
1639 01:28:52 Oh, my God!
1640 01:28:53 Well, how do you do?
1641 01:28:55 Shooter McGavin jars the cup,wins the hole and his match.
1642 01:29:00 Shooter! Shooter!
1643 01:29:02 Come on now! Choke on that!
1644 01:29:05 That leaves us tiedwith only Billy Jenkins
1645 01:29:08 and Happy Gilmore left to be decided.
1646 01:29:13 And it's come down to this.The final hole.
1647 01:29:17 Winner take all. The shot clocks are off.
1648 01:29:20 The pressure is on.
1649 01:29:22 The future of regular golfhangs in the balance.
1650 01:29:25 Thousand-yard par four.That's a little long.
1651 01:29:29 Not for me, big man.
1652 01:29:32 Yeah. Check this out.
1653 01:29:42 Hello?
1654 01:29:43 Woo-woo!
1655 01:29:53 Whoa!
1656 01:29:56 That is the longest driveI have ever seen.
1657 01:30:01 Hey, you remember my name now? Bitch.
1658 01:30:05 I'd like to forgetever seeing that hip thing.
1659 01:30:08 That was disgusting.
1660 01:30:09 Jenkins can be on the green in two,
1661 01:30:11 while Gilmore has no hopeof getting on in less than three strokes.
1662 01:30:16 Verne, that sucks.
1663 01:30:20 Okay to use that hate one last time, Slim?
1664 01:30:22 Yeah, let it all out.
1665 01:30:31 Ain't no surgery for that.
1666 01:30:36 Come on, Happy, let's go.
1667 01:30:39 You never made the Bruinsbecause you suck at skating.
1668 01:30:43 You shut your stupid face.
1669 01:30:46 Who's he talking to?
1670 01:30:47 Oh! And your daughter'snever going to ballet school
1671 01:30:50 because her dad's a washed up drunk.
1672 01:30:52 I'm gonna kill you!
1673 01:30:58 Uh-oh.
1674 01:31:23 Somebody went further.
1675 01:31:25 Yeah…
1676 01:31:27 Bitch!
1677 01:31:34 Jenkins is first to hit.
1678 01:31:42 Yes!
1679 01:31:45 Oh, and by the way,all four of your boys are dumb!
1680 01:31:50 What did you say?
1681 01:31:52 -Ow! Ooh!-Aw.
1682 01:31:56 Yeah!
1683 01:31:58 I can't believe there's taxiswithout drivers,
1684 01:32:01 AI girlfriends, and now, quite possibly,the end of traditional golf.
1685 01:32:12 I'll go first.
1686 01:32:13 Give you a chance to think abouthow you're going to play that.
1687 01:32:17 -Whoa!-Whoa!
1688 01:32:20 Billy Jenkins,you stepped on it and stepped in it.
1689 01:32:23 Shut up, Edward Woodenhand.
1690 01:32:25 Screw you, Cabbage Patch Kid.
1691 01:32:37 Take your time.
1692 01:32:38 Go get my lob wedge. Wait.
1693 01:32:43 Go stand right there.
1694 01:32:52 Okay.
1695 01:32:55 Right in the back of the cup.
1696 01:32:59 -No, don't get off! God!-Oh!
1697 01:33:03 -Vecsey!-What?
1698 01:33:04 God damn it.
1699 01:33:06 Excuse me. Know what? You're fired.
1700 01:33:08 Makes sense.
1701 01:33:09 Will you quit messing this upand make this? Come on.
1702 01:33:12 I'm trying, sir.
1703 01:33:14 Just get it on the right line.
1704 01:33:15 Coming right up, sir.
1705 01:33:27 And Billy Jenkins is in for four.
1706 01:33:32 -Yeah!-Choke on that one, Happy!
1707 01:33:34 Gilmore has only two shots leftto even tie this thing.
1708 01:33:39 I'm not even playing and my palmsare sweaty. Mom's spaghetti.
1709 01:33:44 I can't get a damn swing off here.
1710 01:33:46 You got any ideas? We're in trouble, dude.
1711 01:33:48 Hmm. I say ricochet that shit.
1712 01:33:53 Yeah, that's a good idea.
1713 01:34:02 Amazing!
1714 01:34:04 Did it go in?
1715 01:34:05 Not that amazing.
1716 01:34:08 You nervous?
1717 01:34:10 No, just… Can I use your mailbox?
1718 01:34:13 The question now is,
1719 01:34:15 how do you hit on a greenyou can't stand on?
1720 01:34:18 What do I do?
1721 01:34:20 Here we go, Dad!
1722 01:34:22 -Dad, let's go!-Let's go! All you!
1723 01:34:24 -Right now!-All right.
1724 01:34:25 What's the plan?
1725 01:34:27 How about this?
1726 01:34:28 Go to the other sidedirectly across from me.
1727 01:34:30 -Yes, sir.-Okay.
1728 01:34:32 -Oscar. Hey.-Yeah, go!
1729 01:34:34 Oh, God, I can't bear to watch.
1730 01:34:36 Oscar, how much do you weigh?
1731 01:34:40 170.
1732 01:34:42 Pick up the bag, please.
1733 01:34:45 Actually, take two clubs out.
1734 01:34:47 Two clubs. Two. Two clubs.
1735 01:34:49 Okay. Pick the bag up again.
1736 01:34:52 And on the count of three,we're stepping on the green.
1737 01:34:55 -Okay.-Are you ready?
1738 01:34:57 And one, two… three!
1739 01:35:04 Whoa, oh-- Hey…
1740 01:35:06 That's it. That's it.Okay, we're gonna hop forward.
1741 01:35:09 One. Two. Three.
1742 01:35:12 Ooh.
1743 01:35:17 Okay.
1744 01:35:20 Now to the left.
1745 01:35:22 One, two, three.
1746 01:35:25 That's it.
1747 01:35:26 Now we're gonna go sideways… Two, three.
1748 01:35:33 Ooh, Oscar… Nice work.
1749 01:35:36 Check this out.
1750 01:35:38 Whoa!
1751 01:35:40 -What's happening?-What the…
1752 01:35:42 Sorry, Happy, I had to.We don't do tiebreakers at Maxi.
1753 01:35:46 How about we raise the stakes?
1754 01:35:48 I end this whole projectif you sink this putt.
1755 01:35:50 And if I miss?
1756 01:35:52 It's simple. You join Maxi League.
1757 01:35:59 How about this?
1758 01:36:01 You pay for my daughter's dance school,
1759 01:36:03 buy me my grandma's house back,
1760 01:36:04 plus I get your Rolls-Royce,
1761 01:36:07 plus you gotta buy Oscarhis own restaurant.
1762 01:36:11 What kind of restaurantare we talking here?
1763 01:36:12 What kind of food, Oscar?
1764 01:36:14 Sushi. No, no, no. Italian.
1765 01:36:17 Fine. You're on.
1766 01:36:18 You heard it.There'll be no playoff today.
1767 01:36:22 Oscar, I have bad news.
1768 01:36:25 I'm holding a sand wedge. I need a putter.
1769 01:36:29 Just take it slowly out of the bag.
1770 01:36:32 That's it. That's it. Take the sock off.
1771 01:36:36 Okay, so we're gonna throw itto each other on the count of three.
1772 01:36:39 -Okay.-We can do this.
1773 01:36:42 One, two, three.
1774 01:36:46 -Oh!-Okay. I caught my own club.
1775 01:36:50 Physics is a bitch, isn't it?
1776 01:36:53 Here's what we're gonna do.
1777 01:36:55 We're gonna throw itstraight up in the sky.
1778 01:36:57 Let's do this.
1779 01:36:58 Do not get sick, Oscar.
1780 01:37:00 -Okay. One, two, three.-One, two…
1781 01:37:10 Yes!
1782 01:37:11 Let's go! Let's go, Hap!
1783 01:37:13 High five. High…
1784 01:37:18 Hey, Gilmore can do this.I've seen it. I lived it.
1785 01:37:22 Wow. Cool.How bout we take this to the Maxi?
1786 01:37:29 He's gonna fly off.
1787 01:37:31 -…spot, focus on the spot.-You got it. Focus.
1788 01:37:35 Oh, no.
1789 01:37:36 Hang in there, Oscar, please.
1790 01:37:43 Come on, Dad. You got it.
1791 01:37:45 Dad!
1792 01:37:51 Come on, Dad!
1793 01:37:56 I love you so much!
1794 01:38:04 Do it like my daddy taught you.Tap it. Tap it in.
1795 01:38:19 It's got a chance.
1796 01:38:22 -Go.-Go.
1797 01:38:24 Come on, Happy.
1798 01:38:25 -Come on, come on…-Come on, come on, come on…
1799 01:38:33 -Get there!-Oh!
1800 01:38:37 Oh, no!
1801 01:38:40 Yes! Welcome to Maxi, Happy. Whoo!
1802 01:38:53 Oh, my God! Happy Gilmore has won!
1803 01:38:59 And regular golf will live on.
1804 01:39:03 -I'm 8 Ball! I'm 8 Ball!-No! That doesn't happen!
1805 01:39:07 You are a piece of shit, you know that?
1806 01:39:09 I did everything I could…
1807 01:39:10 Oscar! We did it, Oscar!
1808 01:39:18 Papi, papi. Wake up.
1809 01:39:21 -Good job!-Did we win?
1810 01:39:25 -Yes!-All right!
1811 01:39:26 Happy, yes!
1812 01:39:27 Yeah, yeah!
1813 01:39:29 Stop.
1814 01:39:33 Your training paid off. You did it.I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.
1815 01:39:38 -Yes!-Yes!
1816 01:39:41 What a great win. Let's go to Hooters.
1817 01:39:50 -Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore!-Happy Gilmore! Happy Gilmore!
1818 01:39:54 I can't believe I'm saying this,but you're all free to go.
1819 01:39:57 Beautiful.
1820 01:40:01 Unbelievable. Tremendous.
1821 01:40:04 I understand you have a restaurant.
1822 01:40:06 We have the best Italian DominicanPuerto Rican Cuban restaurant in the town.
1823 01:40:11 I love my new job!
1824 01:40:13 We did it, baby! We did it for Mom!
1825 01:40:25 Well, I've won a lot of trophiesand jackets over the years,
1826 01:40:29 but out of all of them, I have to saythis is by far the most special.
1827 01:40:36 And I want to thankall my friends out there
1828 01:40:38 who helped me achievethis monumental moment.
1829 01:40:45 Three months sober.
1830 01:40:46 Yay! Way to go, Mr. Gilmore!
1831 01:40:50 Splendid! Splendid, Mr. Gilmore.
1832 01:40:53 But will you make it to a year?
1833 01:40:56 -Magic 8-Ball says… unlikely.-Uh-huh.
1834 01:41:01 What are you talking about, Hal?Happy's going to make it a full lifetime.
1835 01:41:05 Know what else is full, Charlotte?
1836 01:41:07 My gutters. Full of dead leavesand squirrel droppings.
1837 01:41:11 But you'll be cleaning them outthis weekend.
1838 01:41:13 I don't like the way you talk to that kid.
1839 01:41:15 It's fine, Mr. Gilmore.
1840 01:41:16 No, it's not fine. That kid has helped memore than you have, Hal.
1841 01:41:19 Seriously, Mr. Gilmore, I got this.
1842 01:41:22 Guys, can we be done here?We've got enough.
1843 01:41:24 Why are you talking into your collar?Are you high?
1844 01:41:28 Are you high?
1845 01:41:31 -Holy---Whoa!
1846 01:41:33 Hallowicious Lieberman!
1847 01:41:35 You're under arrestfor fraud and extortion.
1848 01:41:37 We got enough footage of youbeing a sick son of a bitch
1849 01:41:39 to lock you away for a lifetime.
1850 01:41:42 You narc'd on me?
1851 01:41:44 Guess so.
1852 01:41:45 Hey, man, I was just tryingto help these people.
1853 01:41:48 Manual labor's therapeutically beneficial.
1854 01:41:51 -Hey, Happy.-What?
1855 01:41:52 -Catch.-Oh!
1856 01:41:56 -I believe that's Mr. Gilmore's!-He got my coin!
1857 01:41:59 I got the coin!
1858 01:42:09 -Oh, shit! Stop!-Stay still!
1859 01:42:13 You're a very cool kid.
1860 01:42:16 You're a very cool guy.You remind me of my dad.
1861 01:42:19 Yeah?
1862 01:42:27 All right, just have fun in Paris.
1863 01:42:29 If you get homesick for America,
1864 01:42:31 I can ship over some Yodelsor bottle rockets.
1865 01:42:34 Whatever you guys want.
1866 01:42:35 We'll be fine, Dad.And we'll see you next month, right?
1867 01:42:38 That's right.
1868 01:42:39 I got the British Open,I'll show up a week early, we'll hang out.
1869 01:42:42 I want to see somefancy French dancing from this kid.
1870 01:42:44 Then you can come check out our show.
1871 01:42:46 What show?
1872 01:42:47 We're gonna be singing mimes.
1873 01:42:49 I thought mimes aren't allowed to talk.
1874 01:42:50 That's how we're gonna separate ourselvesfrom the other mimes, by singing.
1875 01:42:54 Okay.
1876 01:42:55 We're trapped in a box!Now we're tugging on a rope!
1877 01:43:01 Even look at our sister…
1878 01:43:03 -And we'll kill you!-And we'll crush you!
1879 01:43:05 -I'll murder you!-Don't you look at her!
1880 01:43:07 -Smart. I love that!-Nailed it. Really good.
1881 01:43:10 Come here. Gonna miss you.
1882 01:43:11 And if you're hungry on the flight,enjoy the bread from Oscar's restaurant.
1883 01:43:14 Go crush them over there for Mom.Have a ball.
1884 01:43:17 Love you, Dad.
1885 01:43:18 -Hey, here you go.-You're the best, guys.
1886 01:43:20 -Sir, right there.-There you go, buddy.
1887 01:43:22 Yeah, get him!
1888 01:43:25 I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
1889 01:43:26 Come on, Vienna.
1890 01:43:29 Love you. I'll miss you.
1891 01:43:34 Tuesday's gone with the wind
1892 01:43:45 Hey, Happy.
1893 01:43:53 Tuesday's gone with the wind
1894 01:43:58 Oh. You're okay.
1895 01:44:03 My baby's gone with the wind
1896 01:44:10 Train roll on
1897 01:44:15 Tuesday's gone
1898 01:44:18 Battery, zero percent.
1899 01:44:22 I didn't charge it! Damn it!
1900 01:44:43 Oh, babyDon't it feel like heaven right now?
1901 01:44:47 Don't it feel like somethingFrom a dream?
1902 01:44:51 Yeah, I've never knownNothing quite like this
1903 01:44:56 Don't it feel like tonightMight never be again?
1904 01:45:00 Baby, we know betterThan to try and pretend
1905 01:45:04 Honey no oneCoulda ever told me 'bout this
1906 01:45:08 -I said yeah, yeah-Yeah, yeah
1907 01:45:10 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
1908 01:45:12 The waiting is the hardest part
1909 01:45:16 Every day you see one more card
1910 01:45:20 You take it on faithYou take it to the heart
1911 01:45:24 The waiting is the hardest part
1912 01:45:32 Well, yeah, I might have chasedA couple women around
1913 01:45:36 All it ever got me was down
1914 01:45:40 Then there were thoseThat made me feel good
1915 01:45:44 But never as good as I feel right now
1916 01:45:48 Baby, you're the only oneThat's ever known how
1917 01:45:52 To make me wanna live…
1918 01:45:54 Well, the bad newsjust keeps coming for Maxi
1919 01:45:56 and its controversial founder,Francis Manatee.
1920 01:45:59 Since the spectacular failureof the Maxi Golf League,
1921 01:46:03 the popular Maxi Sports Drinkhas been recalled after complaints
1922 01:46:07 it caused irreversible halitosis,gingivitis,
1923 01:46:10 and a new conditionthey're calling tongue rot.
1924 01:46:14 We at the Sports Holetried to reach Manatee for comment,
1925 01:46:17 but his current whereaboutsare apparently unknown.
1926 01:46:20 Yeah, I would run too if I gavehalf the world midnight booty breath.
1927 01:46:24 Hey, Scheffler, it's been three days.You sure you don't wanna make that call?
1928 01:46:28 It depends. What's for dinner?
1929 01:46:30 Chicken fingers.
1930 01:46:32 I'll stick around another night.
1931 01:46:34 Okay.
1932 01:46:48 Oh
1933 01:46:50 Get your biscuits in the kitchenI'm a sous chef on a mission
1934 01:46:54 Baby, wiggle it, it's viciousWe about to break the dishes
1935 01:46:57 Got the pepper with the sodiumWe cookin' with petroleum
1936 01:47:01 Come step up to the podiumAnd cut up this linoleum
1937 01:47:08 Just move it
1938 01:47:12 Move it
1939 01:47:17 Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it
1940 01:47:28 Get your peaches off that stoopBaby, work that hula hoop
1941 01:47:31 Throw it back and watch 'em shoopScottie Pippen, alley oop
1942 01:47:35 Mix it up like orange drinkShake your buffalo chicken wing
1943 01:47:39 Get your galoshes, make it rainNow-now let me hear you sing, uh
1944 01:47:46 Just move it
1945 01:47:50 Move it
1946 01:47:54 Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it
1947 01:48:01 Just move it
1948 01:48:05 Move it
1949 01:48:09 Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it
1950 01:48:21 Sitting is dumb
1951 01:48:25 Dancing is more fun
1952 01:48:28 Sitting is dumb
1953 01:48:32 Dancing is more fun
1954 01:48:34 Dancing is more fun
1955 01:48:36 Sitting is dumbBut dancing is more fun
1956 01:48:40 Dancing is more funDancing is more fun
1957 01:48:46 Just move it
1958 01:48:50 Move it
1959 01:48:55 Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it
1960 01:49:01 Just move it
1961 01:49:05 Move it
1962 01:49:10 Sittin' down is stupidNow let me see you move it