假期历险记 (Vacation)(CN/EN)Subtitles

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1 00:02:49 Well, ladies and gentlemen
2 00:02:51 this is your captain,Rusty Griswold.
3 00:02:53 Hope you've enjoyedyour 18-minute flight
4 00:02:55 from South Bend.
5 00:02:57 We'll be touching down
6 00:02:58 at Chicago's midwayvery shortly.
7 00:03:00 We'd like to thank youfor flying with us today
8 00:03:02 because at Econo air,we're working hard
9 00:03:05 to win back your trust.
10 00:03:07 Harry, you mind takin' overwhile I hit the Lav?
11 00:03:09 Sure thing, Rusty.
12 00:03:11 Thank you very much.
13 00:03:15 Oh, and Rusty.
14 00:03:16 Mm-hmm.I wanna thank you
15 00:03:18 for goin' to bat for melast week.
16 00:03:21 I was happy to do it.
17 00:03:23 You know, just 'cause corporatesays you're too old to fly,
18 00:03:24 it doesn't make it true.
19 00:03:26 If anything, you're morequalified than us younger guys.
20 00:03:28 Means a lot to me.
21 00:03:30 Sure thing.
22 00:03:31 - Oh, and Rusty.- Mm-hmm.
23 00:03:33 I wanna thank you for goin'to bat for me last week.
24 00:03:37 Yeah.
25 00:03:40 You bet.
26 00:03:43 Dad, is that the pilot?
27 00:03:45 It sure is.
28 00:03:46 He just camefrom the cockpit.
29 00:03:48 Whoa!
30 00:03:52 Hey there, little guy.Hi!
31 00:03:55 Is this your first timeon a plane?
32 00:03:56 We were planning on driving,
33 00:03:58 but Tyler herehas been beggin' us
34 00:03:59 to go on his firstairplane.
35 00:04:01 Oh, is that right?Uh-huh.
36 00:04:03 Do you think I can be a pilotwhen I grow up?
37 00:04:05 Yeah, well,I don't see why not.
38 00:04:07 You just have to study hard
39 00:04:09 and listento your parents, all right?
40 00:04:11 Whoa!Oh.
41 00:04:14 O-Okay.
42 00:04:15 Sorry about that.
43 00:04:16 Little bit of rough air.
44 00:04:17 It's okay.Right?
45 00:04:18 Yeah. Yeah.
46 00:04:19 Uh, don't, uh,don't worry about it.
47 00:04:22 Hey. We call that "turbulence,"all right?
48 00:04:24 That's when the plane...
49 00:04:25 Oh!
50 00:04:31 Oh, so sorry.
51 00:04:33 Okay. You folks enjoythe rest of your flight.
52 00:04:40 Let me give you a hand.
53 00:04:42 Can you pleasestay the fuck away from us?!
54 00:04:49 Harry!You took us up to 60,000 feet!
55 00:04:51 What're you doing?!
56 00:04:53 Oh, Rusty.
57 00:04:54 I wanna thank you for goin'to bat for me last week.
58 00:05:11 Or the timethat pan continental
59 00:05:13 put us upat the Ritz in Barcelona.
60 00:05:15 You know, I'll tell ya one thingabout the Spanish women...
61 00:05:18 They, uh, they love themsome airline pilots.
62 00:05:20 They do!
63 00:05:21 I never took the uniform offexcept when I did.
64 00:05:35 Ladies.
65 00:05:40 All full. You're gonnahave to wait for the next one.
66 00:05:42 But I was...You were what?
67 00:05:46 I'll catch the next one.
68 00:05:48 See ya around, Econo air.
69 00:06:07 It's the third time this month.I know.
70 00:06:09 You have to do something about him.I will.
71 00:06:10 He's always picking on me.I know he is.
72 00:06:12 I'm so sorry, honey.Hey.
73 00:06:14 Hey.Hi.
74 00:06:15 What's going on here?Oh, you'll see.
75 00:06:17 Kevin!Get down here, please.
76 00:06:19 Look what Kevin didto my guitar.
77 00:06:21 Aw. Not again.
78 00:06:22 God.You told Mom and Dad?
79 00:06:25 You have such a vagina.
80 00:06:26 Okay, enough.Enough.
81 00:06:28 Now, young man,we talked about
82 00:06:29 the bullyingof your older brother.
83 00:06:31 That's right.We don't make fun of someone
84 00:06:33 just 'cause they're a littledifferent from us.
85 00:06:34 D...I don't have a vagina!
86 00:06:36 I'm just sayingthat even if you did,
87 00:06:38 it wouldn't be okay for Kevinto tease you about your vagina.
88 00:06:41 No! Why are you making it soundlike I have a vagina?!
89 00:06:43 I know you don't have a vagina.I'm not doing that.
90 00:06:46 Kevin, apologizeto your brother, please.
91 00:06:48 Fine.I'm sorry.
92 00:06:50 Now, go to your room.
93 00:06:51 I was in my fucking room.
94 00:06:54 Whoa. Hey, Kevin?Get back down here.
95 00:06:59 Now listen.
96 00:07:01 There are a lot of boyswho are born with vaginas.
97 00:07:03 It's very hard for them.
98 00:07:05 Honey.Hmm?
99 00:07:06 W-why?
100 00:07:07 It's a teachable Moment, hon.
101 00:07:08 Gender fluidity, right?
102 00:07:10 It's a very serious issue.
103 00:07:11 I'm not gender-fluid.
104 00:07:12 It doesn't matterif you are.
105 00:07:13 The point is,your Mom and I would love you
106 00:07:16 even if you werecompletely blank down there.
107 00:07:18 Okay, that's not...This is not the point.
108 00:07:20 This... none... Kevin?Just go to your room.
109 00:07:24 Hey, James, don't getyour gender fluid on me.
110 00:07:26 - Awesome.- Stop!
111 00:07:28 It's not a fluid!
112 00:07:29 And what about my guitar?
113 00:07:30 It... It's ruined.
114 00:07:32 Let me have a look.
115 00:07:42 Here ya go.That'll do for now.
116 00:07:44 Now get washed up.
117 00:07:45 The Petersons are coming overfor dinner.
118 00:07:47 Mwah.
119 00:07:48 Okay, baby.
120 00:07:50 Oh, gosh.
121 00:07:52 I'll get you a new guitar.Okay?
122 00:07:54 Oh, use the vitamix.Just grind it up.
123 00:07:56 The dry bit.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
124 00:07:58 Sheila.
125 00:08:00 So do you have to worktomorrow?
126 00:08:01 So, um, S-Sheila.
127 00:08:03 'Cause I want to goto the movies with my friends.
128 00:08:05 Sheila.
129 00:08:06 What?
130 00:08:07 Do you like school this year?
131 00:08:08 It's okay.
132 00:08:10 "So, do you like schoolthis year?"
133 00:08:13 That's seriouslywhat you sound like.
134 00:08:14 Just shut up.
135 00:08:17 God,I'm tellin' you, Russ,
136 00:08:18 you've gotta get
137 00:08:19 one of theseGo-Kart Kits.
138 00:08:21 What?Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
139 00:08:22 Gary and I spent
140 00:08:23 the last two monthsbuilding this thing.
141 00:08:25 We took her out this morningfor the first time.
142 00:08:28 Holy moly.
143 00:08:30 Fun?
144 00:08:31 No, no,it was terrible.
145 00:08:33 Oh, yeah, it was fun!
146 00:08:35 Hot damn!It's a Go-Kart.
147 00:08:37 G-Man, get over here.
148 00:08:39 G-Man, G-Man, G-Man, G-Man, G-Man.Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
149 00:08:41 Oh, my God, my G-Man.
150 00:08:43 I love him.
151 00:08:44 Get in there.What? Oh, I didn't...
152 00:08:46 What? What? What?
153 00:08:47 Get in there.Get in there. Get in there.
154 00:08:48 Get in there.Blblblblbl!
155 00:08:51 Oh, man!I love you so much.
156 00:08:53 Oh. Oh, tell Mr. Griswoldhow dope our Go-Kart is.
157 00:08:56 It's got a Zanardi chassis
158 00:08:58 and a four-strokeBriggs & Stratton engine.
159 00:09:00 Wow. And you guys built this together?Yep.
160 00:09:03 We worked on it every day afterhomework and toothbrushin'.
161 00:09:05 I love... get over here.Get over here, man.
162 00:09:07 Aah! Aah!
163 00:09:09 Work it, sugar Ray.
164 00:09:10 Come on, sugar Ray.Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
165 00:09:12 He's workin' me over.
166 00:09:14 I'm gonna eat your face!
167 00:09:16 Kevin, James, get over here!
168 00:09:17 No.
169 00:09:19 Come on.
170 00:09:20 Oh! Oh!There you are!
171 00:09:22 Ow. Ow.
172 00:09:23 Whoa-ho!Dad, stop.
173 00:09:25 Come on, man.What are you doing?
174 00:09:26 Come on. We're sparring.We do this all the time.
175 00:09:27 - No. We never do this.- Come on.
176 00:09:29 Mnh. Ow. Hey!Don't... don't hit your old man.
177 00:09:31 I don't wannabe a part of this.
178 00:09:32 Whoa!
179 00:09:36 D... what are you doing?Aah! Aah! Aah!
180 00:09:38 This is how accidents happen.Sacrifice!
181 00:09:39 Aah!Dad!
182 00:09:40 Let go of me. Stop!Why did you do that?
183 00:09:44 I'm sorry, man.
184 00:09:46 Come on.I was just foolin' around.
185 00:09:47 That wasn't fun.Like we always do.
186 00:09:49 We never do that.Hey.
187 00:09:51 What do you say you and I builda Go-Kart together?
188 00:09:54 If we have to.
189 00:09:55 Yeah!All right!
190 00:09:57 G-Man!Get outta here.
191 00:09:59 Get outta here, G-Man!
192 00:10:02 D-Did you just stealmy son's nickname?
193 00:10:10 I'm not sure about...Oh, shoot.
194 00:10:11 Oh.Dang it.
195 00:10:13 Wow. Your ringis getting loose, there, Deb.
196 00:10:15 Mm. Yeah.Are you losin' weight?
197 00:10:16 Yeah. I am.You know what I've been doing?
198 00:10:18 Spinning.
199 00:10:20 Yeah. It's a...It's a great stress reliever.
200 00:10:22 Now, I'm gonna tell you what'san even greater stress reliever.
201 00:10:25 And that isa week in Paris.
202 00:10:27 Oh, my gosh!I saw that on Instagram.
203 00:10:30 All your pictureswere so great.
204 00:10:31 Oh, so you did see 'em.Yeah!
205 00:10:33 Well, that's funny'cause I was gonna ask
206 00:10:35 how come you didn't likeany of 'em.
207 00:10:36 What do you mean?I just said I did.
208 00:10:38 Well, no,all my other friends,
209 00:10:39 uh, who saw my Paris pics,they clicked "like."
210 00:10:41 You were the only onewho didn't click "like."
211 00:10:43 Oh.
212 00:10:44 I guess I justdidn't get around
213 00:10:46 to actuallyclicking "like" on them.
214 00:10:48 Okay,'cause look at this one.
215 00:10:49 Now, in this one,
216 00:10:50 we have Sheila and Garywearin' berets.
217 00:10:53 I know.Right? Bonjour.
218 00:10:54 I know.I like that one so much.
219 00:10:56 It's so cute.But you didn't "like" it.
220 00:10:57 Okay.
221 00:10:59 Now, here are the four of usat the Arc De Triomphe.
222 00:11:01 Didn't "like" that.Didn't "like" my children.
223 00:11:03 Didn't "like" my mankissin' on me.
224 00:11:05 I-I-I promise you,the second you guys leave,
225 00:11:07 I am gonna go upstairs online,
226 00:11:09 and I am gonna click "like"on every single one of them.
227 00:11:11 Honestly, honey,it really... I promise.
228 00:11:13 It makes no difference to me.
229 00:11:17 So, are you guys going anywherespecial this summer?
230 00:11:20 Oh, I wish.Yeah. No.
231 00:11:22 We're... we are rentingthe same cabin
232 00:11:24 that we've been rentingfor 10 years
233 00:11:25 in Cheboygan, Michigan.Wow.
234 00:11:27 The boys call it"Che-boring," Michigan.
235 00:11:30 Isn't that funny?
236 00:11:32 Why don't youjust go someplace else?
237 00:11:33 Oh, no. We can't.Rusty loves it so much.
238 00:11:36 I would break his heartif I told him that we hate the cabin.
239 00:11:38 Oh, boy.Yeah.
240 00:11:39 I understand.I understand.
241 00:11:42 Yeah. Well, you knowwhat the good news is?
242 00:11:44 Hmm?
243 00:11:45 Honestly,even if you go there
244 00:11:48 and you don't havea great time, baby,
245 00:11:50 at least you know
246 00:11:51 that I will click "like"on all your photos.
247 00:11:53 Oh, Jesus Christ, Nancy.
248 00:11:55 Look! Look!
249 00:11:59 What the fuck is this?
250 00:12:00 - Louie!- Yes, sir.
251 00:12:02 Oh, you're back there!Get out!
252 00:12:13 What the fuck is this?!
253 00:12:15 Hey, madam. How much capelliniare you throwing away?
254 00:12:19 What are you doing, Melinda?
255 00:12:22 What are you doing?
256 00:12:25 - You're making me mad!- Yes, chef.
257 00:12:28 So fucking mad!Yes, chef.
258 00:12:29 - Joseph!- Yes, chef.
259 00:12:59 Guys, I have exciting news.
260 00:13:00 James has aids?!
261 00:13:01 What? No!That's horrible.
262 00:13:04 I'd be excited.Well, what is it? What is it?
263 00:13:06 The four of us are gonna takea little trip.
264 00:13:08 Paris.
265 00:13:09 Hmm? No.Much better.
266 00:13:11 We're driving to Walley World.
267 00:13:14 What?
268 00:13:15 This family's in a rut.
269 00:13:17 We gotta shake things up.Right?
270 00:13:18 Spend a little quality time.
271 00:13:19 And of course,it wouldn't hurt
272 00:13:21 for the boys to learnto get along a little better.
273 00:13:23 Uh, by locking themin a car together? Yeah.
274 00:13:26 This is some bullshitright here!
275 00:13:27 Hey! Language!Well, it is!
276 00:13:29 I'm gonna miss the first weekof wrestling practice!
277 00:13:31 We'll find a wrestling rangealong the way.
278 00:13:34 That's not even a thing!
279 00:13:35 And, Dad, no offense,
280 00:13:37 but I just don't wanna domy first big road trip
281 00:13:38 to some corporate theme park,you know?
282 00:13:40 I'd like to explorethe real America,
283 00:13:42 like, uh, Jack Kerouacor the Merry Pranksters.
284 00:13:46 Ow.
285 00:13:47 Don't say weird shit!Ow!
286 00:13:49 Kevin! Bullying!Guys, come on.
287 00:13:51 My trip to Walley Worldwhen I was a kid
288 00:13:52 was the best time I ever had.
289 00:13:54 So you just wanna redoyour vacation from 30 years ago?
290 00:13:58 Don't you think that's gonna bekind of a letdown?
291 00:14:01 No, no, no, no.We're not redoing anything.
292 00:14:03 This will becompletely different.
293 00:14:04 For one thing, the originalvacation had a boy and a girl.
294 00:14:07 This one has two boys.
295 00:14:09 And I'm sure that there will belots of other differences.
296 00:14:13 I've never even heardof the original vacation.
297 00:14:14 Doesn't matter.
298 00:14:16 The new vacationwill stand on its own.
299 00:14:18 Okay?
300 00:14:19 Come on, honey.
301 00:14:20 What do you say?We can drive out and fly back.
302 00:14:24 Oh, what the heck.
303 00:14:25 It couldn't be as bad as thatstupid cabin, right, honey?
304 00:14:28 That's the spirit.All right.
305 00:14:30 Fuck me.
306 00:14:32 Are we gonna drive all that wayin your little car, Dad?
307 00:14:34 Not exactly.
308 00:14:48 - Come on, guys.- What?
309 00:14:50 How come you didn't follow mejust then?
310 00:14:52 Oh.You wanted us to?
311 00:14:54 Yeah. That's whyI dangled the key like that.
312 00:14:56 Oh, well, I don't...Why else would I...?
313 00:14:58 You could have just said,"come with me."
314 00:15:01 Look what your Dad rented.
315 00:15:03 What the hell is that?
316 00:15:04 Kevin.
317 00:15:06 That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
318 00:15:09 Did you say "Tartan," honey?Yeah.
319 00:15:10 Tartan's the Honda of Albania.
320 00:15:11 Why'd you getan Albanian car, Dad?
321 00:15:14 Well, it turns out renting a family caron Memorial Day weekend
322 00:15:16 doesn't leave youwith a lot of options.
323 00:15:17 But this babyis pretty sweet.
324 00:15:20 It's got all the latestAlbanian technology.
325 00:15:22 Plug-in hybrid.
326 00:15:24 Oh, wow. Eco-friendly.Good.
327 00:15:26 So any time we run outta juice,we can just pull right over,
328 00:15:29 and... plug in.
329 00:15:31 I don't...I don't know what that is.
330 00:15:33 Never seen an outlet for that.
331 00:15:35 Should it retract, or...
332 00:15:37 You would thinkit would retract.
333 00:15:38 It just...Huh.
334 00:15:39 If it just...No, it doesn't. It's... Yeah.
335 00:15:41 Cup holder?
336 00:15:42 I think you coil it.
337 00:15:43 I think you just coil itlike that.
338 00:15:45 Right?And then you close it right up.
339 00:15:46 Doesn't matter.We've still got two gas tanks.
340 00:15:49 Why two?Carry twice as much gas.
341 00:15:51 Why not just haveone big tank?
342 00:15:53 It's twice the gas,buddy.
343 00:15:55 Actually the same volume.
344 00:15:56 Two small...Shh.
345 00:15:58 It has six ashtrays.
346 00:16:00 Six. Wow.
347 00:16:01 Hope you guyslike Smokin'! Right?
348 00:16:04 - Yeah.- Yeah.
349 00:16:06 What's with all the mirrors?
350 00:16:09 Safer.
351 00:16:10 But...Oh!
352 00:16:12 And this is amazing.
353 00:16:14 I can control the entire carfrom the fob.
354 00:16:16 What do all the buttons mean?
355 00:16:18 No clue.But we'll figure it out.
356 00:16:19 Honey, is that...Is that a swastika on there?
357 00:16:22 Yeah.We won't use that.
358 00:16:24 This is my favorite part.
359 00:16:28 Slam the door on my arm.
360 00:16:30 What?It has a sensor.
361 00:16:31 It won't let you slam the dooron your arm or leg.
362 00:16:34 Honey, I'm not doing that.
363 00:16:35 The rental guy showed me.Just do it.
364 00:16:37 Okay.Do it!
365 00:16:40 Do it.Kinda fun.
366 00:16:41 Slam it.All right.
367 00:16:43 There ya go.Oh!
368 00:16:44 Oh, my God!Oh!
369 00:16:46 Oh, my gosh!Ohh.
370 00:16:47 God damn it!Oh, my God!
371 00:16:48 Why did you have medo that?
372 00:16:50 Ohh.
373 00:16:52 Oh. Oh, I didn't havethe sensor activated.
374 00:16:55 Okay.
375 00:16:57 I'm an idiot.Do it again.
376 00:16:58 No!Absolutely not.
377 00:17:00 Come on. It'll be fine.I just activated it.
378 00:17:01 No, I'm not gonna do it!
379 00:17:02 Don't be chicken.
380 00:17:03 Fine!
381 00:17:04 Aah! Ow!Aah!
382 00:17:06 Shit!
383 00:17:08 Why did you do that?
384 00:17:09 Really?
385 00:17:10 You're right.I'm sorry.
386 00:17:12 Ohh. Nobody slam their armin the door, okay?
387 00:17:14 Can I slam iton James' balls?
388 00:17:16 So you admit I have balls?Yeah, they hang outta your vagina.
389 00:17:18 Okay, you two stop that.Guys, come on.
390 00:17:20 Please.Go on and get packed.
391 00:17:21 We're hittin' the road today.
392 00:17:22 Okay.
393 00:17:24 Guess we're leaving today.Phew!
394 00:17:25 All right.Let's go, guys.
395 00:17:31 Ah.
396 00:17:40 Hey, honey.What's all that?
397 00:17:42 Well,this is my dream journal,
398 00:17:44 whimsy log,wish diary,
399 00:17:47 my poems.
400 00:17:48 And this bad boyis going to be
401 00:17:51 a stream of consciousnesstravel log, so...
402 00:17:53 Yeah.
403 00:17:56 Come on, honey,every boy that age
404 00:17:58 has a stack of diaries.
405 00:18:00 Okay, gang.
406 00:18:02 Seat belts on!
407 00:18:05 Two full tanks of gas!
408 00:18:06 Honey, GPS check?
409 00:18:07 Yes. Yes.Roger that.
410 00:18:09 Okay.
411 00:18:11 Your destinationis 2,560 miles ahead.
412 00:18:14 Walley world,here we come.
413 00:18:47 Well,we're almost out of gas.
414 00:18:48 What?How is that possible?
415 00:18:51 We've been drivingfor less than an hour.
416 00:19:04 Hey, Dad, what's so specialabout Walley World?
417 00:19:06 I mean, we have plentyof theme parks at home.
418 00:19:09 Well,walley world is home
419 00:19:11 of the one and onlyVelociraptor.
420 00:19:14 What the hell is that?
421 00:19:16 It's only the newest,scariest roller coaster
422 00:19:18 in the country.
423 00:19:21 450 feet tall,110 miles an hour,
424 00:19:24 triple corkscrew loop.
425 00:19:26 Yeah. Oh, hey!Look at this!
426 00:19:28 Looks like we got ourselvesa little old convoy.
427 00:19:31 Let's say "Hi."
428 00:19:34 Oh, my goodness.It has a CD Radio in it?
429 00:19:36 Yeah.Comes standard in all prancers.
430 00:19:37 This way we can talk to truckers.Okay.
431 00:19:40 Now, guys, you just haveto speak their lingo.
432 00:19:42 All right, I'm gonna ask himif there's any police up ahead.
433 00:19:46 Breaker 1-9to rubber ducky.
434 00:19:47 You got any smokey the bearsin your kitchen? Over.
435 00:19:52 You're clean and greenfor the next 20 klicks.
436 00:19:53 He replied!I know!
437 00:19:55 What did that even mean?
438 00:19:57 I have no idea,but who cares?
439 00:19:59 He seems nice.
440 00:20:00 He does seem nice,doesn't he?
441 00:20:02 Copy that, good buddy.Over.
442 00:20:04 Oh, can I try, Dad?
443 00:20:05 Yeah, course.
444 00:20:06 When you finish talking,say "over."
445 00:20:08 Okay. Cool.Okay.
446 00:20:10 Breaker 1-9,
447 00:20:12 my friend Jessie saysall truck drivers are rapists.
448 00:20:14 Are you a rapist?Kevin, no!
449 00:20:16 No!Oh. Sorry.
450 00:20:17 Over.No! No.
451 00:20:18 What are you doing?
452 00:20:20 What? It's a question.You're ruining it.
453 00:20:24 Sorry about that there,good buddy.
454 00:20:26 You know how little boys arewhen their mouths get goin'.
455 00:20:28 I don't...Not to imply that you are...
456 00:20:32 Fond of when little boys' mouthsget goin' in any way.
457 00:20:37 I-I'm not suggesting
458 00:20:38 that you are a sex offenderor a pedophile.
459 00:20:41 Okay, no!Yeah.
460 00:20:42 So that's the CD Radio,guys.
461 00:20:44 Neat, huh?
462 00:20:46 Hey, Dad,what's a pedophile?
463 00:20:47 Mm, well, Kevin,
464 00:20:49 when a man and a boy loveeach other very mu... No.
465 00:20:51 No.
466 00:20:56 I have to piss.Me, too.
467 00:20:58 Okay, go with him, please,and keep an eye on him.
468 00:21:00 Okay.Thank you.
469 00:21:04 Look at that.The boys are bonding already.
470 00:21:06 Mm-hmm.
471 00:21:07 Isn't this the best?
472 00:21:09 Yeah.
473 00:21:12 Do you remember,
474 00:21:14 back when you were just gettingyour pilot's license
475 00:21:16 and you and Iwould sit there
476 00:21:18 and we'd talkabout all those, like,
477 00:21:19 overseas trips we would take and stuff?Oh.
478 00:21:22 Yeah, of course,that's when I thought
479 00:21:24 I was gonna flyfor one of the big guys.
480 00:21:27 I know it's notthe most glamorous airline,
481 00:21:28 but Econo air,it's been pretty good to us.
482 00:21:31 As far as I'm concerned,
483 00:21:32 right herewith you and the boys,
484 00:21:34 this is paradise.
485 00:21:39 There was a holein the side of my stall.
486 00:21:40 Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.Russ?
487 00:21:42 Hmm?No.
488 00:21:43 All right.Let's hit the road.
489 00:22:26 Go to sleep!Go to sleep!
490 00:22:41 What...What's wrong with you?!
491 00:22:43 I just wanted to see how longyou could hold your breath
492 00:22:45 before you black out.
493 00:22:46 Don't do that!I could have died.
494 00:22:49 Whatever.
495 00:22:55 Goddamn it.Kevin!
496 00:23:11 Hey, honey,why'd we get off the highway?
497 00:23:12 Well, I thoughtit would be fun
498 00:23:14 for the kids to seewhere you went to college.
499 00:23:16 Oh, God. Why would thatbe fun for them, honey?
500 00:23:19 Well,you could give us a tour.
501 00:23:20 Maybe one of themcould study there one day.
502 00:23:22 Oh, no.No way, man.
503 00:23:24 I've got my sights set
504 00:23:26 on somethinga little more Ivy league.
505 00:23:27 Oh.
506 00:23:28 Little fucker.
507 00:23:30 What, Ma?I love you.
508 00:23:31 That's what I said.
509 00:23:33 Love you, too.I said I love you.
510 00:23:34 Let's just see how far it is.
511 00:23:36 You are 9.2 milesfrom your destination.
512 00:23:39 Oh.All right.
513 00:23:40 Check the best route.
514 00:23:43 Oh!I changed the language.
515 00:23:48 That's not it.
516 00:23:51 What is that?
517 00:23:52 Uh, I don't know.I... Korean?
518 00:23:55 Oh, God, it's horrible!Oh.
519 00:23:57 Just please turn it off,Russ.
520 00:23:59 The menu's all in Korean now.I don't know what to press.
521 00:24:00 Why is it so much angrierthan the other voices?
522 00:24:02 Why don't we just...Honey, it doesn't...
523 00:24:04 It likewhen you touch it, okay?
524 00:24:06 Just leave it alone.Let it calm down.
525 00:24:20 Wow. This placehas not changed a bit.
526 00:24:24 Isn't that Sorority Row?
527 00:24:26 Mm-hmm.
528 00:24:27 Let's go check outyour house.
529 00:24:28 Oh, no, honey.
530 00:24:30 Don't you... don't you thinkwe should get back on the road?
531 00:24:32 No, come on.It'll be fun.
532 00:24:34 It's... It's just a boring,old house.
533 00:24:53 Go! Go! Go! Go!
534 00:24:56 Yeah!That's what's up!
535 00:24:57 I cannot believe thatthey are still doing this.
536 00:25:00 Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug
537 00:25:02 what is it?
538 00:25:03 Uh, it isthe Tri-Pi Chug run.
539 00:25:06 You have to chuga big pitcher of beer
540 00:25:09 and then you have to get throughthe course as fast as you can.
541 00:25:11 And you did this?'Cause you hardly drink.
542 00:25:15 No. Yeah.
543 00:25:16 But, honey, it's for charity.See?
544 00:25:20 Hi. Would you like to donateto assburgers?
545 00:25:22 Oh, no.We're just stopping by.
546 00:25:24 I was a Tri-Pia long time ago, so...
547 00:25:27 In fact,the Chug run was my idea.
548 00:25:29 It was?
549 00:25:31 Yeah.
550 00:25:33 Wait.Are you Debbie Fletcher?
551 00:25:34 Yeah.
552 00:25:35 Oh, my shit.
553 00:25:37 Oh, my shit!I can't believe it's you!
554 00:25:39 Guys! Come here!Bring over the book!
555 00:25:41 It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
556 00:25:44 - How do you know who I am?- Oh, my God, are you kidding me?
557 00:25:46 You're like a legendat Tri-Pi!
558 00:25:48 You're Debbie do-anything!
559 00:25:50 Uh,Debbie do-anything?
560 00:25:51 Go play.
561 00:25:52 Yeah, look! See?
562 00:25:54 Huh? Oh, God.
563 00:25:56 Is it true that you climbedthe clock tower naked?
564 00:25:58 Of course not.
565 00:26:00 Did you really show your titsto anyone who asked?
566 00:26:01 - Honey, we should go.- Wha... Wha... hang... hang on.
567 00:26:04 I heard that you stuck a fingerin the Dean's dick.
568 00:26:06 Did you really burn downthe taco bell?
569 00:26:08 I heard that you fuckedAnthony Hopkins.
570 00:26:10 I heard that,if people bop you on your head,
571 00:26:12 gold coinscome out of your butt.
572 00:26:14 Okay, ladies. Uh...What?!
573 00:26:17 I think I know my wifepretty well,
574 00:26:19 and she wouldn't have doneany of those things.
575 00:26:21 But you know what?
576 00:26:22 What's important isnot whether I did them
577 00:26:24 or I didn't do them.
578 00:26:25 What's important is
579 00:26:27 that you guys are idolizingvery bad behavior here.
580 00:26:29 Uh, Ew.
581 00:26:30 You don't sound likeDebbie do-anything.
582 00:26:32 I had a feelingshe was all hype.
583 00:26:33 Bet she didn't even come upwith the Chug run.
584 00:26:36 Hey! Wait a min...Excuse me.
585 00:26:38 I did come up with the Chug run,all right?
586 00:26:41 And I ran it.
587 00:26:42 Sure you did.No, I did.
588 00:26:44 In 16 seconds, okay?Okay, hon.
589 00:26:46 Prove it.
590 00:26:47 She can't do it now.She's old.
591 00:26:49 Excuse me, girl?
592 00:26:50 I didn't mean it like that.
593 00:26:51 I just mean...You're old.
594 00:26:55 Oh, oh, yeah!
595 00:26:58 Never heard that laugh before.I don't like it.
596 00:27:01 Hold my bag. Unh-Unh.
597 00:27:02 Why? I'm not...You're not...
598 00:27:04 You're not actually going on this thing.Yes, I am.
599 00:27:06 This Chug run raised
600 00:27:07 thousands of dollarsfor charity, all right?
601 00:27:09 Now, I might not have gottengood grades while I was here.
602 00:27:12 But at least I did something.Yeah, it sounds like you did a lot.
603 00:27:14 You stuck your fingerin the Dean's penis.
604 00:27:16 You know, honey,it's not important
605 00:27:17 what I stuck my finger in andwhat I burnt down, all right?
606 00:27:18 What is important right now
607 00:27:20 is that these Fuckin' bitchesare disrespecting me,
608 00:27:22 and that ain't right, okay?"Bitches"?
609 00:27:25 Bring it on.
610 00:27:28 No one's calling me old.Fuck you.
611 00:27:30 All right, boobs, pitcher!Let's go.
612 00:27:31 Come on, come on, come on.
613 00:27:38 Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!
614 00:27:56 Oh, Jesus Christ.
615 00:28:07 Three! Two! One!
616 00:28:16 Oh, honey.
617 00:28:31 What's Mom doing?
618 00:28:32 She's, uh, teachingthese bitches a-a lesson.
619 00:28:46 This is the best thingI've ever seen.
620 00:28:52 Go! Go! Go!
621 00:28:59 Why is she puking so much?
622 00:29:02 It's for assburgers.
623 00:29:17 Tri-Pi, motherfuckers!
624 00:29:32 Mom, you should tryand stay hydrated.
625 00:29:36 What?What are you doing?
626 00:29:41 How 'bout some tunes?
627 00:29:46 Oh, my God.I can't believe it.
628 00:29:48 I love this song!
629 00:29:50 Guys, it's seal!
630 00:29:53 Everybody sing it with me.
631 00:30:01 Come on, guys.
632 00:30:08 Deb?
633 00:30:14 Guys? No?
634 00:30:20 Is this a manor a woman singing?
635 00:30:24 And the coolest man ever!He overcame lupus!
636 00:30:38 "Batman forever"?
637 00:30:51 He's come back to kill us.
638 00:30:55 Gun it, Russ!Gunning it!
639 00:30:59 You gotta go faster, Dad!Go faster!
640 00:31:02 The Prancer doesn't goany faster!
641 00:31:03 Okay, well,what are we gonna do?!
642 00:31:04 Let me see... maybe if I pressthis rabbit button,
643 00:31:06 it'll, like, give ita boost or something.
644 00:31:07 Yes. Try it!
645 00:31:12 Why would there be a buttonfor that?
646 00:31:14 And why is it a rabbit?!
647 00:31:15 Okay. Um...Rocket!
648 00:31:16 Rocket. Here you go. Try that!Yes.
649 00:31:18 - What?- What?
650 00:31:20 - What's happening?- Why am I swiveling? I'm swiveling!
651 00:31:21 I don't know!I don't know!
652 00:31:22 Grab the wheel!Grab the wheel!
653 00:31:24 - Hit the brake! Hit the gas! Hit the gas!- Okay, I'm...
654 00:31:29 I don't wanna die!
655 00:31:35 Okay, I got the wheel!I got the wheel! Okay! Okay!
656 00:31:38 Okay, what are we gonna do?
657 00:31:40 I have an idea.What?
658 00:31:42 Handbrake turn.What?
659 00:31:44 I pull the wheel to the left,yank the handbrake,
660 00:31:46 we do a 180, cross the median,drive right past him.
661 00:31:48 You knowhow to do that, Dad?
662 00:31:49 If Vin Diesel can do it,so can I.
663 00:31:51 Why are you as goodas Vin Diesel?
664 00:31:52 Hang on!
665 00:32:05 That's notwhat I was trying to do.
666 00:32:07 Everybody okay?Oh, shit!
667 00:32:20 Go, Dad! Dad! Dad!Go! Go!
668 00:32:21 Oh, my God.Oh, God!
669 00:32:34 Whoa!
670 00:32:42 Oh, shit!
671 00:32:44 Goddamn it.
672 00:32:54 All right, boys.This is you.
673 00:32:57 I call both beds!
674 00:32:58 You get one bed.
675 00:32:59 If you guys need anything,Mom and I are right next door.
676 00:33:02 Oh, I think I saw a hot tub,Dad.
677 00:33:03 Is it okayif I take a soak?
678 00:33:05 Yeah.Yeah, sure.
679 00:33:07 But if anyone triesto shove you in their car,
680 00:33:10 you give 'em a good scratchlike I showed ya.
681 00:33:12 I will.All right. Attaboy.
682 00:33:14 Thanks.
683 00:33:16 So...How come you never told me
684 00:33:19 about the wholeDebbie do-anything thing?
685 00:33:22 Come on,that was so long ago.
686 00:33:25 Yeah, but it's partof who you are and...
687 00:33:27 I wanna know all about you.
688 00:33:29 All right. Well, that's fair.What do you wanna know?
689 00:33:33 How many guys did you sleep with before me?Oh, no-no-no-no-no.
690 00:33:36 No-no-no-no-no.Ah, come on.
691 00:33:38 Come on.That's not important.
692 00:33:40 Well, no, I know.But I'm just...
693 00:33:42 You really need to know?
694 00:33:43 It just...
695 00:33:44 Oh, okay.I'm just curious.
696 00:33:46 Okay, okay.
697 00:33:47 Um... let's see.
698 00:33:51 Hmm.
699 00:33:53 And then... um...
700 00:33:57 Kinda takin' youa little while.
701 00:33:58 Okay, so, uh, around...th...
702 00:34:02 Three.Three.
703 00:34:04 That's actually reassuring,
704 00:34:06 'cause it's the same as me.
705 00:34:07 No.Didn't say three.
706 00:34:10 13. 13?
707 00:34:13 Nope.
708 00:34:14 And it's not three?
709 00:34:15 It's around...It's around 30.
710 00:34:16 30! Hoo!
711 00:34:18 Wow! Holy cow.
712 00:34:20 See, now I feel likeyou're judging me.
713 00:34:23 I'm judging me.
714 00:34:25 Your numberis so much higher than mine.
715 00:34:28 Yes, it is a big number,but that doesn't matter.
716 00:34:30 Honey, it doesn't matter.
717 00:34:31 You're... you're so cool.
718 00:34:32 I-I-I-I feel like a loser.
719 00:34:34 You are not a loser.
720 00:34:36 Okay?Yeah?
721 00:34:37 'Cause, uh,I had to work pretty hard
722 00:34:39 just to get those three.
723 00:34:42 Had to take careof Jenny's grandfather
724 00:34:44 for monthsbefore she slept with me.
725 00:34:46 And he was racist.
726 00:34:47 Please don't base it on me.
727 00:34:49 I was, like,crazy back then.
728 00:34:50 I was completely immatureand acting out
729 00:34:54 and just really, like,free with my body,
730 00:34:57 and that's just notwho I am anymore.
731 00:34:59 That's not who we are.
732 00:35:01 Well... we're pretty freewith our bodies.
733 00:35:03 But, y-you have to admitI-I feel like we've gotten...
734 00:35:08 Like, less freewith our bodies.
735 00:35:12 But we have sex every weekwith our bodies.
736 00:35:15 We do. But, I mean, it's gottena little routine, babe.
737 00:35:20 You know, you always
738 00:35:21 are lightingthat same yankee candle...
739 00:35:23 ...and everything.
740 00:35:24 And I don't know,
741 00:35:25 it might be nice
742 00:35:27 to mix it up a little bitevery once in a while.
743 00:35:29 Okay?No big deal.
744 00:35:31 I-I-I'm gonna go take a shower.
745 00:35:33 Okay?I'm gonna take one with you.
746 00:35:35 Hmm?
747 00:35:36 Uh...We'll have sex in it.
748 00:35:39 Yeah.In the shower.
749 00:35:41 How's that for Gettin' freewith our bodies,
750 00:35:44 Debbie do-anything?
751 00:35:45 I like that.Yeah.
752 00:35:47 Oh, Russ.
753 00:35:51 Just be carefulnot to drop the soap.
754 00:35:53 Oh, I won't.
755 00:35:56 What?
756 00:35:58 This is fun and different.
757 00:36:00 I know.It is.
758 00:36:02 You are so cute when you getexcited about stuff.
759 00:36:04 Mm. Mm.You're, like, so cute always.
760 00:36:08 Aww. Honey.
761 00:36:10 Oh.
762 00:36:13 Aah!Oh, my... holy shit!
763 00:36:14 Are those mushrooms?!
764 00:36:16 It looks like somebodyblew their head off in there.
765 00:36:18 Oh, God.
766 00:36:19 God.
767 00:36:20 So, should we, uh...
768 00:36:22 Should we get in or...
769 00:36:24 No, right?
770 00:36:26 Yeah. I'm gonna see if there'ssomethin' to clean that with.
771 00:36:29 Mm.
772 00:36:30 Maybe the housekeepingleft a...
773 00:36:33 Oh. Well,here's a brillo pad.
774 00:36:35 I'll just...
775 00:36:37 Russ.Yeah.
776 00:36:39 That's not a brillo pad.
777 00:36:40 It's a ball of pubic hair.
778 00:36:41 Oh! Aah!
779 00:36:44 Oh, my gosh.There's so much of it.
780 00:36:46 Who has that much pubic hair?!It's not even possible.
781 00:36:49 No, not one person.That's all different colors.
782 00:36:53 That's from, like,30 different guys.
783 00:36:56 Oh, shut up, Russ.
784 00:36:57 No.I-I'm sorry.
785 00:37:26 You're pretty good.Oh!
786 00:37:28 Geez!
787 00:37:30 Sorry.
788 00:37:32 I, uhI didn't mean to scare you.
789 00:37:36 Hi.
790 00:37:37 Hi.
791 00:37:38 You were in the Jeep.
792 00:37:39 And you werein that plastic bag.
793 00:37:41 That was my stupid brother.
794 00:37:44 Gotcha.Big brothers suck.
795 00:37:46 Oh, no.Yeah, big.
796 00:37:50 I'm Adena.
797 00:37:51 James.
798 00:37:53 - I have a penis.- What?
799 00:37:55 It's on your guitar.
800 00:37:57 Oh.
801 00:37:58 Same brother.
802 00:37:59 - What an asshole.- Yeah.
803 00:38:02 You wanna go in?
804 00:38:04 Absolutely.
805 00:38:06 Well, what have we here?
806 00:38:08 Little Romeo and Julietsituation?
807 00:38:12 My name's Russ.Pleased to meet you both.
808 00:38:15 I'm just a stranger,passin' through town.
809 00:38:20 But I couldn't help noticing
810 00:38:21 how incredibly handsomethis young man is.
811 00:38:23 What's your story?You got a girlfriend?
812 00:38:25 - No.- What?
813 00:38:28 No girlfriend?
814 00:38:30 Cute boy like that?Somebody's gonna snatch you up.
815 00:38:32 - Do you want me to call the cops?- No.
816 00:38:34 And he plays guitar?Dream boy!
817 00:38:38 - Make a muscle.- I'd...
818 00:38:39 - Do it!- ...Rather not.
819 00:38:40 Take your shirt off.Make a muscle.
820 00:38:42 - I really don't want to.- Don't be shy.
821 00:38:44 - Show us what you're workin' with.- All right.
822 00:38:46 Um, I should go.
823 00:38:49 Um...
824 00:38:51 Are you surethat you'll be okay?
825 00:38:52 I think so.
826 00:38:54 Okay.
827 00:38:59 Bye.
828 00:39:00 Dang it.
829 00:39:01 Dad, why would you do that?
830 00:39:04 Saw ya talkin' to her.Figured you could use a Wingman.
831 00:39:06 I didn't need a Wingman.
832 00:39:08 Well...
833 00:39:09 Looks like ya did.She left.
834 00:39:11 That's 'cause you were approaching...You know, James,
835 00:39:13 when I was your age,Grandpa Clark sat me down,
836 00:39:15 and we had a little chat.
837 00:39:19 Seeing you with that girlmade me realize
838 00:39:21 that we haven'thad that chat yet.
839 00:39:23 - We don't need that chat.- Yeah?
840 00:39:25 No. Come on.I know it's embarrassing.
841 00:39:27 But it'd be a lotmore embarrassing
842 00:39:29 if you found yourselfTummy to Tummy
843 00:39:31 with a lady friend,
844 00:39:32 and you didn't knowwhat goes where.
845 00:39:33 - I know what goes where.- You do?
846 00:39:35 - Uh-huh.- Ya sure?
847 00:39:36 Yep.
848 00:39:37 All right.All right.
849 00:39:39 Well,I just want you to know
850 00:39:41 I'm hereto answer any questions
851 00:39:42 you might haveabout that stuff,
852 00:39:44 no matter how uncomfortableit seems.
853 00:39:49 Yeah, okay.
854 00:39:51 - Yeah, right. Here it comes.- Yeah. All right.
855 00:39:52 Okay.
856 00:39:54 Uh, there weresome kids at school
857 00:39:57 who were talkingabout rim jobs.
858 00:40:00 - Mm.- So, what's that?
859 00:40:02 What's a rim job?
860 00:40:03 - Rim jobs.- Yeah.
861 00:40:05 Hmm.Is that R-I-M?
862 00:40:08 Mm-hmm.
863 00:40:10 Rim job.Country of origin.
864 00:40:11 I don't know.
865 00:40:13 Um, America.
866 00:40:14 Can I hear itin a sentence?
867 00:40:17 "What's a rim job, Dad?"
868 00:40:19 Oh.
869 00:40:21 Well, rim job.
870 00:40:23 I would guess a rim job is
871 00:40:25 when you kiss someonewith your mouth closed.
872 00:40:27 Right? So you're only usingthe rim of your mouth.
873 00:40:30 - That's it?- Sure.
874 00:40:32 It... It felt likeit was something way dirtier.
875 00:40:35 No, I mean,what else could it be?
876 00:40:38 Any other questions?
877 00:40:39 I guess not.
878 00:40:41 Good talk, James.
879 00:40:44 Now,I hope you're not too old
880 00:40:47 to let your Dad give youa good-night rim job.
881 00:42:05 Looks like we might getto aunt Audrey's before dinner.
882 00:42:07 Oh, will uncle Stonebe there?
883 00:42:09 Yeah,I suppose he will.
884 00:42:11 Uncle Stone is cool.
885 00:42:12 You have to be coolto be a celebrity.
886 00:42:15 He's not exactly a celebrity.
887 00:42:17 I mean, he's a local weatherman.That's all.
888 00:42:19 A-Actually, Audrey said
889 00:42:21 that the networksare interested in him.
890 00:42:23 - Yeah?- Oh, yeah.
891 00:42:24 All right.Well, good for him.
892 00:42:25 Mom,do you think uncle Stone
893 00:42:27 will let me ridehis horse?
894 00:42:28 I don't see why not.
895 00:42:30 - Do you think I can shoot his guns?- No, you cannot.
896 00:42:31 Too bad.
897 00:42:33 I would've shot youright off that fuckin' horse.
898 00:42:38 You know, I neverwould've imagined my sister
899 00:42:39 marrying such a conservative.
900 00:42:41 Oh, yeah, but just because
901 00:42:42 Stone's political beliefsare different than ours
902 00:42:45 doesn't meanhe's not good-looking.
903 00:42:46 I... um...A good person.
904 00:42:51 Ya said it!
905 00:42:52 - Uh, honey...- Hey, look at that!
906 00:42:54 Hot Springs up ahead.We've always wanted to do that.
907 00:42:57 Oh, honey, we don'twanna be late to Audrey's.
908 00:42:59 So we're a few minuteslate.
909 00:43:01 We're on vacation.Right?
910 00:43:03 Come on.Let's have some fun.
911 00:43:06 Okay.
912 00:43:14 - Oh, look at the line.- This is gonna take forever.
913 00:43:17 Come on, guys.
914 00:43:18 How often do we get to soakin hot water?
915 00:43:20 Every timewe take a bath.
916 00:43:22 No. This is different.'Kay, this is natural.
917 00:43:25 This water was heatedin mother nature's bowels.
918 00:43:27 Oh, gross.
919 00:43:29 There's gotta beanother way in.
920 00:43:32 I'm gonna askthis gentleman.
921 00:43:33 I bet he'd know.
922 00:43:35 Excuse me, sir.
923 00:43:36 - Hi there.- Hey. Hi.
924 00:43:38 Hey, we were wondering.
925 00:43:40 Is there another entranceto the hot Springs?
926 00:43:42 Like, a secret entrancethe locals use?
927 00:43:45 Line can get pretty longthis time of year, huh?
928 00:43:47 Yeah.Yeah, it sure can.
929 00:43:49 Yeah, I'll tell youwhat y'all do.
930 00:43:50 Uh, can you see that dirt road?That path there on the left?
931 00:43:53 Yeah.
932 00:43:55 If you just follow thatall the way up,
933 00:43:57 that'll take youto the hot Springs.
934 00:43:59 All right. Perfect.Thank you.
935 00:44:01 Oh, no, no.You bet.
936 00:44:02 Y'all have a good time.
937 00:44:04 Oh, will do!
938 00:44:06 Hey, what's yourpet rat's name?
939 00:44:08 Is my pet what?
940 00:44:09 The...
941 00:44:10 What the fuck?
942 00:44:11 - Oh!- What the fuck?!
943 00:44:12 What the fuck?
944 00:44:14 I don't know him.
945 00:44:25 Honey,are you sure about this?
946 00:44:27 I mean, nobody elseis going this way.
947 00:44:29 Yeah, well, most peoplethink inside the box.
948 00:44:34 But you know who thinksoutside the box?
949 00:44:37 Uncle Stone?
950 00:44:39 Me.Your father.
951 00:44:46 Um, honey,I don't see any hot Springs.
952 00:44:50 Well, the guy said
953 00:44:51 it was right at the endof this road, so...
954 00:44:52 Well,the guy also did not know
955 00:44:54 he had a raton his shoulder,
956 00:44:55 so there's that.
957 00:44:57 Hold on.
958 00:45:07 Wow. Honey.This is beautiful.
959 00:45:09 - Isn't it?- Yeah.
960 00:45:13 All right, everyone.
961 00:45:15 In your bathing suits.Now!
962 00:45:19 Looks like we foundour own private hot spring.
963 00:45:23 I say we call it"Griswold Springs."
964 00:45:27 Oh!The water's perfect.
965 00:45:28 Oh, my God.It's so nice.
966 00:45:30 Why does it smell likerotten eggs?
967 00:45:32 Oh, that's the sulfur,buddy.
968 00:45:34 - Yeah.- It's natural.
969 00:45:35 Yeah. And it's really goodfor you, too.
970 00:45:37 Actually, the mineralsthat are in this mud here,
971 00:45:40 they draw toxinsout of your body.
972 00:45:42 - Ah.- Can you believe that?
973 00:45:44 Cool, right?
974 00:45:49 Oh, wow.
975 00:45:51 Mm.
976 00:45:53 This is perfect.
977 00:45:55 It's exactlywhat we needed.
978 00:45:57 Oh, yeah.Good call, Griswold.
979 00:46:01 - Oh, man.- Yeah.
980 00:46:04 Oh, yeah.That's it.
981 00:46:05 That's it.
982 00:46:07 I can feel my bodydetoxifying.
983 00:46:14 You know...It tastes a little shitty,
984 00:46:17 but I thinkthat's part of it.
985 00:46:19 - Yeah.- That's okay.
986 00:46:20 This is wonderful.
987 00:46:26 That is the stuff!
988 00:46:29 Oh.
989 00:46:30 What is that, honey?On your ear.
990 00:46:31 What's on your ear?
991 00:46:33 What is that?
992 00:46:35 Oh, it's an ear!
993 00:46:36 Oh!
994 00:46:39 Look, James.Found a dart.
995 00:46:41 Are you crazy?!
996 00:46:43 Oh, my God! Everybody outof Griswold Springs!
997 00:46:45 - Get out of the poop!- That was nasty!
998 00:46:47 All over me!
999 00:46:50 I don't like Griswold Springs.
1000 00:46:52 Is that our car alarm?
1001 00:46:56 What?!
1002 00:46:58 How come that local guydidn't tell us
1003 00:47:01 there are thievesin these woods?
1004 00:47:04 Oh, right.
1005 00:47:06 He took my guitar.
1006 00:47:08 Oh, my God.He took all our money, Russ.
1007 00:47:10 All right.Not a best-case scenario.
1008 00:47:11 But, hey.He left your book.
1009 00:47:15 So, I guesswe get the last laugh.
1010 00:47:18 Oh, really, honey?
1011 00:47:19 We're nakedand covered in human waste.
1012 00:47:22 Oh, come on, sweetheart.We don't know that it's human.
1013 00:47:32 This is so embarrassing.
1014 00:47:34 I feel likeyour cousin Eddie's family.
1015 00:47:35 It's no big deal.
1016 00:47:37 We'll just tell Stone and Audreywhat happened.
1017 00:47:39 Kids, remember what happened?
1018 00:47:41 We pulled over to rescue a babyfrom a burning car
1019 00:47:44 and somebody stole all of ourstuff while we were distracted.
1020 00:47:46 And why are we nakedand covered in feces?
1021 00:47:49 I don't remember.
1022 00:47:51 That's right.We don't remember.
1023 00:48:12 Oh, my God.
1024 00:48:13 Hmm?
1025 00:48:15 Oh, come on.
1026 00:48:19 - What're we gonna do?- Can you gimme a hand with this?
1027 00:48:21 - Yeah. Yeah.- Please?
1028 00:48:23 Just... yeah.
1029 00:48:25 Oh, gosh.
1030 00:48:27 I-I can't.I can't... I can't get it off.
1031 00:48:29 - Use your spit.- Oh, okay.
1032 00:48:32 Focus on the balls.
1033 00:48:34 If you guys wanna stop,that'd be good, too.
1034 00:48:38 Stay on the balls.I've got the shaft.
1035 00:48:40 Hi, y'all!
1036 00:48:43 Hey!Oh, my goodness. Hi!
1037 00:48:45 - Hi.- What happened?
1038 00:48:46 Well, that's a...It's a crazy story, um...
1039 00:48:50 Dad got scammedby a guy at a park.
1040 00:48:52 - Kevin!- Same old Rusty.
1041 00:48:55 You'd buy water from a faucet.
1042 00:49:00 Anyway,you guys look disgusting.
1043 00:49:02 So, um,I have some clothes
1044 00:49:04 that I was gonna giveto the church
1045 00:49:06 if you guys wanna borrowsome of those.
1046 00:49:07 Great.Thank you, Audrey.
1047 00:49:08 - Come on inside.- Thanks.
1048 00:49:10 All right.
1049 00:49:11 Boy, y'all stink.
1050 00:49:16 Oh, I don't like that.
1051 00:49:19 Man, this place makes our houselook like shit.
1052 00:49:22 Well, Kevin,
1053 00:49:24 that's only 'cause a dollargoes much further out here
1054 00:49:26 than it does in Chicago.
1055 00:49:29 Especially when you makea lot more of 'em.
1056 00:49:31 Ha.
1057 00:49:32 Just messin' with ya.Shoot!
1058 00:49:34 You boys are growin' fasterthan a weed under a faucet.
1059 00:49:37 You still wrasslin',son?
1060 00:49:38 - Uh-huh.- Oh? Well, come on.
1061 00:49:40 Show me what ya got.
1062 00:49:45 Hey, Kevin.Get off your brother, please.
1063 00:49:47 They're just havin' themselvesa wrassle.
1064 00:49:49 It's what brothers do.
1065 00:49:50 Hey, ooh, look at you guys.
1066 00:49:53 Hot damn.Debbie Griswold.
1067 00:49:55 You just keep Gettin' prettier.
1068 00:49:56 - Oh, stop.- No, I mean it.
1069 00:49:59 You could make hot watercome out of the cold faucet.
1070 00:50:02 That's... that's very sweet.
1071 00:50:06 You know, I remember the nightyou first wore that dress.
1072 00:50:08 - You remember that night?- Yeah, I remember that night.
1073 00:50:11 - I'll never forget that night.- Neither will I, baby.
1074 00:50:14 You're my Fuckin' husband.
1075 00:50:15 Oh, betcha I am.I'm your caveman.
1076 00:50:19 I'll rip you in half.
1077 00:50:21 Ooh.
1078 00:50:22 I wanna have all your babies.
1079 00:50:24 Ooh. Ooh, baby.
1080 00:50:28 I hit the Fuckin' jackpotwith you.
1081 00:50:31 Oh, God, what I'm gonna doto you tonight.
1082 00:50:34 Who wants to seeStone's man cave?
1083 00:50:38 - Uh...- Yeah.
1084 00:50:40 Is this Charlton Heston?
1085 00:50:41 Yep.Chuck was a good friend.
1086 00:50:44 I can't tell yahow many nights we spent
1087 00:50:46 drinkin' bourbon together
1088 00:50:47 and cryin' about the stateof this country.
1089 00:50:49 It's true. They did.They literally cried together.
1090 00:50:53 Somehow I don't see you crying,though, Stone.
1091 00:50:55 Yeah, that's, uh,
1092 00:50:57 that's kind of embarrassing.Right?
1093 00:50:59 Not embarrassing to me.
1094 00:51:01 Even the strongest faucetsometimes lets out a few drops.
1095 00:51:04 What is with these faucets?
1096 00:51:07 Hey, everyone thoughtthat F-4 twister
1097 00:51:08 was gonna bypass Harris County.
1098 00:51:10 Not my Stone.
1099 00:51:11 I had a feelin' thatthat low-pressure system
1100 00:51:14 was gonna make a beelinefor mission bend.
1101 00:51:16 Thanks to my report,
1102 00:51:18 those people hadan extra 15 minutes to evacuate.
1103 00:51:21 Governor Perry said
1104 00:51:23 he saved 2,000 lives.
1105 00:51:24 That's how many we lostat Pearl Harbor,
1106 00:51:27 so basically,he stopped Pearl Harbor.
1107 00:51:31 That's whenthe national news called.
1108 00:51:32 Now, between us...
1109 00:51:34 It's lookin' good.Ain't it, honey?
1110 00:51:35 Mm-hmm.
1111 00:51:36 'Course none of thatwould've been possible
1112 00:51:39 without my sugar mama, here,
1113 00:51:41 workin' day and night
1114 00:51:42 to put methrough meteorology school.
1115 00:51:44 I liked workin', baby.
1116 00:51:45 I didn't mind it one bit.
1117 00:51:47 Well, you never haveto do it again, darlin'.
1118 00:51:49 Um, but it kindagave me purpose.
1119 00:51:51 Nope, never again.That is a promise.
1120 00:51:55 Wow. Uncle Stone, I may notagree with your politics
1121 00:51:57 but that doesn't meanI don't admire you.
1122 00:51:59 Well, thank you, James.
1123 00:52:00 But the manyou should admire the most
1124 00:52:03 is sittin' right next to you.
1125 00:52:05 But there's nobody there.
1126 00:52:07 Oh, I don't mean that chair.I mean your Pa right here.
1127 00:52:09 Okay.
1128 00:52:11 He doesn't save anybody's life.
1129 00:52:12 Oh, doesn't he?
1130 00:52:14 Well, every time he fliesthat little plane of his,
1131 00:52:16 he's savin' livesby not crashin'.
1132 00:52:18 And in my book...That makes him a hero.
1133 00:52:21 Thank you.
1134 00:52:22 You know,a lot of people actually...
1135 00:52:24 Not to mention,he also snagged himself
1136 00:52:26 one sweet slice of foxy piein your Mama there.
1137 00:52:28 You gotta stop that today.
1138 00:52:31 Stop it.
1139 00:52:32 You know what I alwayswanted to know was...
1140 00:52:36 When did you first knowthe weather?
1141 00:52:39 Well...
1142 00:52:40 - You all right, Deb?- What? What?
1143 00:52:42 Hey!There's a cow!
1144 00:52:45 Oh, not a cow.That's a steer.
1145 00:52:47 That there is $6000 worthof juicy, Purebred Angus beef.
1146 00:52:52 It's Stone's new passion,raising cattle.
1147 00:52:54 He's even named them.
1148 00:52:56 Uh-huh.
1149 00:52:57 Old Sebastian hereloves him some ribs.
1150 00:52:59 Here ya go, boy.
1151 00:53:01 Here.Oh, that's it.
1152 00:53:05 Dad, isn't that...
1153 00:53:06 Cannibalism?Yeah.
1154 00:53:08 Say, if you boyswanna get up early tomorrow,
1155 00:53:10 you can watch me herdthese suckers into the corral.
1156 00:53:12 - Oh.- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
1157 00:53:14 You herd them yourself?
1158 00:53:16 I'm a man, aren't I?
1159 00:53:18 Yes.
1160 00:53:20 Uh, hey, Stone,
1161 00:53:22 not sure if you need a handout there, but I'd love to help.
1162 00:53:24 Yeah, sure thing, Russ,if you're up for it.
1163 00:53:25 I can always usean extra set of hands.
1164 00:53:27 Well, I was bornwith an extra set of hands.
1165 00:53:31 That's an odd thing to say.
1166 00:53:34 But you know, I-I-I reckon
1167 00:53:35 this'll be the highlightof your trip.
1168 00:53:37 Well, the real highlight,of course,
1169 00:53:38 will be when we getto walley world
1170 00:53:41 and I take my family onthe Velociraptor.
1171 00:53:45 I think it is so weird.
1172 00:53:46 I don't know why you want to goback to Walley World
1173 00:53:49 after Dad flipped out there.
1174 00:53:50 Audrey, Dad flipped outbecause he loved us
1175 00:53:53 and wanted us to be close.
1176 00:53:54 And we were.
1177 00:53:56 And that's all I wantfor my family.
1178 00:53:58 You're such a clown.
1179 00:54:01 You're a clown.
1180 00:54:02 Babe, baby,I-I think Rusty's right.
1181 00:54:04 You know, family is the mostimportant thing there is.
1182 00:54:09 Little somethin'.
1183 00:54:13 You know, maybe we'll take babyCooper on a trip this summer.
1184 00:54:16 - Yeah, not to walley world.- Oh, God, no.
1185 00:54:18 - 'Cause that'd be stupid.- That'd be stupid.
1186 00:54:20 How 'bout Paris?
1187 00:54:21 Oui!
1188 00:54:23 Oui, Oui, Oui!
1189 00:54:24 And then, when we get back,I can maybe get a part-time job?
1190 00:54:27 Well, not while there'sbreath in my body, sweetheart.
1191 00:54:35 You know, honey, I am...
1192 00:54:36 I'm really happyfor your sister.
1193 00:54:38 - Yeah?- Seriously.
1194 00:54:39 She and Stone seemreally in love.
1195 00:54:41 It's nice.
1196 00:54:42 These pants Stone gave me
1197 00:54:44 are really stretched outin the crotch, though.
1198 00:54:46 That's weird. Why would theybe stretched out in the...
1199 00:54:47 - God, I don't know.- Oh, shit.
1200 00:54:49 How much you think they paidfor this house?
1201 00:54:52 Whoa.
1202 00:54:54 Oh, okay.
1203 00:54:56 Whoa.Oh!
1204 00:54:57 Should I see if Audrey hasa yankee candle?
1205 00:54:59 Fuck the yankee candle.I wanna do this now.
1206 00:55:03 - Oh, God, you're so sexy.- Oh, what has gotten into you?
1207 00:55:05 Oh, my God.
1208 00:55:06 What? What, what, what?
1209 00:55:09 This is because of him,isn't it?
1210 00:55:11 What? Who?
1211 00:55:12 Because of who?
1212 00:55:15 Because of Stone.
1213 00:55:16 What?!
1214 00:55:17 That's whyyou're jumping my bones!
1215 00:55:19 You're just thinking of him!
1216 00:55:20 That's ridiculous.
1217 00:55:22 Then how come the one nightwe're hangin' around with him,
1218 00:55:23 you turn into some kindof sexual character?
1219 00:55:25 I don't knowwhere you're going with this,
1220 00:55:27 but I can tell you right...Where's your wedding ring?
1221 00:55:29 Oh.Oh, my God.
1222 00:55:31 Before we got here,you took off your wedding ring?
1223 00:55:33 No, I didn't.Rusty, it was loose.
1224 00:55:35 You remember how loose it was?
1225 00:55:37 And... and I-I m-must'vejust dropped it somewhere.
1226 00:55:39 What was the plan, Deb?
1227 00:55:41 Show up without a ring,and he'll think you're single?
1228 00:55:42 How's he gonna thinkthat I'm single
1229 00:55:44 if I'm here with my husbandand my two children?
1230 00:55:45 I don't know.It was your plan.
1231 00:55:46 It was not my pl...Okay.
1232 00:55:50 Yes.
1233 00:55:52 Stone is an impressive man,okay?
1234 00:55:56 But I married you, Rusty.
1235 00:55:58 And I am so sorrythat I lost my ring,
1236 00:56:00 but I would never, ever,ever take it off on purpose.
1237 00:56:07 I know.I know.
1238 00:56:08 I just...
1239 00:56:11 I freaked out.I'm sorry.
1240 00:56:13 I just...
1241 00:56:15 We'll get you another ring.
1242 00:56:16 I liked that one.
1243 00:56:21 Hey.Y'all decent?
1244 00:56:23 - Yes. Hi.- Hey.
1245 00:56:24 Okay.Just wanted to make sure
1246 00:56:25 y'all had everything you neededfor the night.
1247 00:56:29 Yep.
1248 00:56:31 All right.
1249 00:56:33 Man, it sure is beautiful herethis time of year, ain't it?
1250 00:56:36 And quiet.
1251 00:56:38 Listen.
1252 00:56:40 You hear that?
1253 00:56:44 - No.- Exactly.
1254 00:56:45 - It's perfect silence.- Mm.
1255 00:56:47 Ah. Yeah.
1256 00:56:49 Yeah.
1257 00:56:50 Well, uh, TV remote.Okay, let me show ya.
1258 00:56:55 We've got channels...And the volume.
1259 00:56:58 On. Off.
1260 00:57:00 - Pretty straightforward.- Yeah.
1261 00:57:02 - Yeah.- Mm-hmm.
1262 00:57:04 Okay.All right.
1263 00:57:06 Well, uh, if you get thirsty,
1264 00:57:07 there's, uh,fresh milk in the fridge
1265 00:57:10 and, uh, have yourselvesa good night.
1266 00:57:13 - Uh-huh.- Okay.
1267 00:57:15 - Night, Stone.- Good night, St-Stone.
1268 00:57:18 Man.
1269 00:57:21 Yeah.
1270 00:57:24 Okay.
1271 00:57:29 He totally just came in here
1272 00:57:31 to show off his six-pack.
1273 00:57:36 Hey, mornin'!
1274 00:57:38 Barely.
1275 00:57:40 How come you gotta do thisat 6 A.M.?
1276 00:57:42 Well, I gotta beat the station by 7:30
1277 00:57:44 for Stone Crandall'saccuweather report.
1278 00:57:48 Hey, you ever rideone of these things?
1279 00:57:50 Mm, no.Never have.
1280 00:57:52 But, uh, can't imagine
1281 00:57:54 it's more complicatedthan an Airbus A318.
1282 00:57:57 Yeah, well, that's the spirit.
1283 00:58:00 Now, the key here
1284 00:58:01 is to move back and forthalong the edge of the herd.
1285 00:58:03 You keep your distance, though.We don't want to spook 'em.
1286 00:58:06 Got it.
1287 00:58:11 Are there helmets?
1288 00:58:12 Yeah, I keep themwith the tampons.
1289 00:58:15 Just basic safety.
1290 00:58:17 Aah! Whoa!
1291 00:58:24 This is exciting!
1292 00:58:26 It's my favorite wayto start the day!
1293 00:58:29 This, and makin' loveto your sister.
1294 00:58:31 Thank you for that.
1295 00:58:36 Come on, let's go!
1296 00:58:39 Well, it looks likewe got us a couple of mavericks.
1297 00:58:42 You take the one on the left.I'll take the one on the right.
1298 00:58:45 Unless you need my helpwith yours.
1299 00:58:47 No, I think I got it.
1300 00:58:48 Last one to the corral'sa rotten cowpoke!
1301 00:58:50 Yee-Hoo-Hoo!
1302 00:58:52 Whoo-Hoo!Whoo-Hoo!
1303 00:58:56 Go on over there!
1304 00:58:58 Go! Get up! Get up! Get up!Let's go!
1305 00:59:02 Whoa!
1306 00:59:03 Oh!
1307 00:59:10 Hi!
1308 00:59:13 Holy shit!
1309 00:59:16 Oh, my gosh!
1310 00:59:24 Is the cow okay?
1311 00:59:26 No, the cow's not okay, Russ.You drove plumb through him.
1312 00:59:29 Oh, no, Sebastian.
1313 00:59:33 Gross.
1314 00:59:49 Hey, gang. Uh, maybe for lunch,we could find a burger place.
1315 00:59:53 You know, like a, uh...
1316 00:59:56 Like a drive-throughburger place.
1317 01:00:00 I don't know, Dad.
1318 01:00:02 I think we should, uh,steer clear of that.
1319 01:00:05 - Good one, James.- All right, enough, you guys.
1320 01:00:08 Dad hit a cow, okay?Let's just moo-ve on.
1321 01:00:13 - Oh, I got one.- Yeah? Let's hear it.
1322 01:00:15 - James is a piece of shit.- Oh.
1323 01:00:18 You kinda missedthe point, there, buddy.
1324 01:00:45 But you can get back home,you can get back down
1325 01:00:57 hey. Hey.
1326 01:00:59 What? What is it?What's wrong?
1327 01:01:00 - Is everything okay?- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1328 01:01:02 No, no, no. No.No, nothing's wrong.
1329 01:01:03 Okay.Well, what?
1330 01:01:04 - I have an idea.- Mm-hmm.
1331 01:01:05 And it's gonna sound crazy,but hear me out, okay?
1332 01:01:08 - Mm-Kay.- Okay.
1333 01:01:11 We're right nearthe four corners monument...
1334 01:01:13 Mm-hmm.
1335 01:01:15 Which is where four statescome together in one spot.
1336 01:01:16 - So?- Let's go have sex on it.
1337 01:01:19 What?
1338 01:01:22 Yeah,that way we can make love
1339 01:01:23 in four statesat the same time.
1340 01:01:26 Wait.You're serious?
1341 01:01:29 Well, yeah.
1342 01:01:31 I mean, you're the one who saidwe should mix it up.
1343 01:01:33 Yeah. What's more mixed upthan sex on a public monument?
1344 01:01:37 I'm pretty sureDebbie do-anything would do it.
1345 01:01:39 Okay, well, Debbie do-anythingwas a dumbass, so...
1346 01:01:41 Maybe that's what we need.To be dumbasses together.
1347 01:01:47 What about the kids?
1348 01:01:49 Well,Kevin's kind of a dumbass.
1349 01:01:51 No, no, honey.What are we gonna do about them?
1350 01:01:54 They're fine.They're fast asleep.
1351 01:01:57 We'll be backbefore they know we're gone.
1352 01:02:00 Okay.
1353 01:02:01 - Yeah?- All right, let's do it.
1354 01:02:19 Mom?
1355 01:02:21 Dad?
1356 01:02:28 - James?- Mom?
1357 01:02:31 Adena?
1358 01:02:33 Are you, like,stalking me or something?
1359 01:02:35 No. What? No.
1360 01:02:37 I'm kidding.Relax.
1361 01:02:43 Hey, what happenedwith that perv
1362 01:02:45 who was hitting on youin Arkansas?
1363 01:02:49 That was actually my Dad.
1364 01:02:51 He was tryingto be my Wingman.
1365 01:02:54 Oh, my God.
1366 01:02:57 He's a really shitty Wingman.
1367 01:03:02 So, no guitar tonight?
1368 01:03:05 It got stolen.
1369 01:03:07 That sucks.
1370 01:03:10 I really liked hearing you play.
1371 01:03:11 You... you did?
1372 01:03:14 Yeah, I've alwayshad a thing for musicians.
1373 01:03:20 Well, good...
1374 01:03:22 Because I've alwayshad a thing for...
1375 01:03:26 Pretty girls.
1376 01:03:30 Well played.
1377 01:03:34 See?You don't need a Wingman.
1378 01:03:44 Here it is.
1379 01:03:46 Oh, my God.
1380 01:03:47 This is so illegal.
1381 01:03:48 I know.It's so hot, right?
1382 01:03:50 Yeah.I am hard as a faucet right now.
1383 01:03:54 Oh!
1384 01:03:55 I-I'm sorry.I'm sorry.
1385 01:03:56 No.I like it.
1386 01:03:57 - Yeah?- Yeah.
1387 01:03:58 - Yeah?- I do.
1388 01:03:59 You like itwhen I slap that ass?
1389 01:04:00 I do!I do!
1390 01:04:02 Good, 'cause I'm gonna beatthe shit out of your ass.
1391 01:04:04 Whoa! Russ!
1392 01:04:06 Okay, right here?
1393 01:04:13 We're aboutto have sex outside!
1394 01:04:14 I know. I know.
1395 01:04:16 Do you want meto put a finger in?
1396 01:04:17 In what?
1397 01:04:19 - Never mind. Never mind.- Okay, okay.
1398 01:04:20 Y'all wanna keep it down?
1399 01:04:21 - Aah!- Yeah! Yeah!
1400 01:04:23 Hey, watch it, man!
1401 01:04:24 - Get your leg off of me!- You're so slippery and sweaty!
1402 01:04:27 If y'all are here to have sexon the corners, we're next.
1403 01:04:29 Get in line.
1404 01:04:30 - Oh, my gosh.- Oh, God.
1405 01:04:32 Oh, God.
1406 01:04:34 - Aah!- Oh!
1407 01:04:35 - Oh, God!- Ew!
1408 01:04:38 Oh, God!They're in every state!
1409 01:04:40 So many boobies out here!
1410 01:04:42 You two! Freeze!
1411 01:04:43 Go, go, go, go, go!
1412 01:04:45 Hands up!
1413 01:04:46 Run! Honey, run!
1414 01:04:48 Drop the flashlight!
1415 01:04:51 You do know public indecency
1416 01:04:53 is a crime in the state of Utah?
1417 01:04:55 Yes.Sorry, officer.
1418 01:04:56 See, we're married,and we wanted to just...
1419 01:04:58 You know what?Save it for the judge.
1420 01:04:59 It makes me sickhow you deviants show up
1421 01:05:01 and desecrate this holy placeevery night.
1422 01:05:04 Turn around!Hands behind your back.
1423 01:05:05 What?
1424 01:05:06 Not so fast, Tommy!
1425 01:05:08 Shoot for sherbet!
1426 01:05:09 What are you doin' here,Kyle?
1427 01:05:11 These people are clearlyin the state of Colorado.
1428 01:05:13 That's my jurisdiction.
1429 01:05:14 Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle.
1430 01:05:16 Look at her left foot.Smack-dab in Arizona.
1431 01:05:19 You weed-legalizing,mile-high piece of shit.
1432 01:05:22 Hey, there's no reasonfor that language.
1433 01:05:24 Oh, I'm sorry,officer mormon.
1434 01:05:26 You don't like that?I have an idea.
1435 01:05:27 Why don't you plug up your earswith mitt romney's dick?
1436 01:05:30 Hey!
1437 01:05:31 Oh, looks like New Mexico
1438 01:05:33 decided to wake upfrom his siesta.
1439 01:05:35 What seemsto be the trouble?
1440 01:05:36 Tell you what the trouble is,dreamcatcher.
1441 01:05:38 You are wearing entirelytoo much goddamn turquoise.
1442 01:05:40 Hey, we can do this
1443 01:05:42 without disrespectingeach other's traditions.
1444 01:05:43 Oh, go fuck your wives,Tommy.
1445 01:05:46 See, this is whatI'm telling you guys.
1446 01:05:47 Every night we do this.
1447 01:05:48 You know whatthis border represents?
1448 01:05:50 It's just an idea.That's all I'm saying.
1449 01:05:52 All right, well,if it's just an idea,
1450 01:05:53 then I'll just get the perp...
1451 01:05:54 - My house!- Oh!
1452 01:05:56 - Hey!- Stay out of my state, buddy.
1453 01:05:57 Oh, yeah?What are you gonna do now?
1454 01:05:59 - Get your feet off of my state!- Hey, come on, now.
1455 01:06:00 You wanna stomp on my foot?
1456 01:06:02 - You back... you back...- Is that what you want?
1457 01:06:03 - Stay out of this.- Hey, I wasn't even in it!
1458 01:06:05 Whoa!Don't you kick in here!
1459 01:06:06 - Don't start...- You wanna do that again?
1460 01:06:08 How about this, then?Huh? Huh?
1461 01:06:09 - Oh!- Oh, we got a live wire!
1462 01:06:10 - Oh, shit! Aw, shit!- We got a live weapon!
1463 01:06:12 Ooh. Ooh.You think I'm afraid of that shit?
1464 01:06:14 I'm not afraid of you!
1465 01:06:16 - How about that, huh? Huh?- Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid?
1466 01:06:18 - Uh-huh. Uh-huh.- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
1467 01:06:20 Are we gonna...I don't want it in my mouth.
1468 01:06:22 Let's not do that, okay?
1469 01:06:23 I'll take that all in, dude!
1470 01:06:25 - That's enough! Everyone get down!- Get down on the ground!
1471 01:06:27 Everyone down on the ground!Get down!
1472 01:06:29 - Get down on the ground!- You get down!
1473 01:06:30 - Get down!- I'm cooperating!
1474 01:06:31 I'm the one who's cooperating!
1475 01:06:33 You get down, too.You get down, too.
1476 01:06:34 Get down on the ground!
1477 01:06:36 - Hands where?- Hands on your right side!
1478 01:06:37 - By the sides or in front?- Side to side. Side to side.
1479 01:06:39 - Let's do this.- Everyone down?
1480 01:06:41 Okay.I think I'm done.
1481 01:06:48 You can really seeall the stars out here.
1482 01:06:51 Yeah.
1483 01:06:55 So...What do you feel like doing?
1484 01:06:58 I don't know.
1485 01:07:05 Ca...
1486 01:07:08 Can I give you a rim job?
1487 01:07:12 - Whoa!- No.
1488 01:07:13 Uh, what?!
1489 01:07:16 - I don't know.- What's wrong with you?
1490 01:07:17 I don't know.I'm sorry.
1491 01:07:19 What did...What did you wanna do?
1492 01:07:21 I don't know.
1493 01:07:22 I thought maybe we couldkiss or something?
1494 01:07:26 Well, yeah,that's what I thought I...
1495 01:07:28 Yeah. Okay.
1496 01:07:34 Ow!
1497 01:07:36 Where's Mom and Dad, dork?
1498 01:07:37 I don't know, Kevin.Just go back inside the thing.
1499 01:07:39 You were about to letthat dingus kiss you?
1500 01:07:42 Shut up, Kevin.
1501 01:07:43 - Who is that?- My stupid little brother.
1502 01:07:46 I thought you saidhe was your big brother.
1503 01:07:49 I... damn it!
1504 01:07:50 Dingus.
1505 01:07:51 Why do you take thatfrom him?
1506 01:07:53 What am I supposed to do,hit him back?
1507 01:07:54 - He's a little kid.- He's a little shit.
1508 01:07:56 You don't have to let himpush you around.
1509 01:07:58 I kinda thought I was takingthe high road.
1510 01:08:01 Yeah, that seemsto be working out for you.
1511 01:08:06 You know what?
1512 01:08:10 Fuck it.
1513 01:08:13 Okay,so you wanna do this now?
1514 01:08:16 Bring it, bitch.
1515 01:08:19 Wait, what?!
1516 01:08:20 No, no, no.
1517 01:08:23 Wow.This is so easy.
1518 01:08:24 You are such a little boy.
1519 01:08:28 There's gonna be a few changes,Kevin, all right?
1520 01:08:30 No more bullying.
1521 01:08:31 Stop it!I'm telling Mom.
1522 01:08:33 Shut your mouth.You gonna stop bullying?
1523 01:08:35 You're hurting my tummy!
1524 01:08:36 Say you're gonna stop,you little piece of... ass.
1525 01:08:40 Wait, what?"Piece of ass"?
1526 01:08:42 You know what I mean,okay?
1527 01:08:43 What... what are you doingto my face?
1528 01:08:46 - This hurts, doesn't it?- Dude!
1529 01:08:47 How do you like your earsGettin' messed up with?
1530 01:08:49 It's really not that bad.
1531 01:08:51 I'mma tap youright on the forehead.
1532 01:08:52 That's not evenhow you beat someone up!
1533 01:08:54 Very dehumanizing.
1534 01:08:56 Your forehead'sgonna be so sore.
1535 01:08:58 - Blblbl! Blblbl!- Stop it! What are you doing?!
1536 01:09:00 How do you like your lipsgetting tickled?
1537 01:09:02 This is really weird.
1538 01:09:03 Just smush your cheeks.
1539 01:09:05 - You gonna stop bullying?- Fine. I'll stop bullying.
1540 01:09:08 Just stop doing this.
1541 01:09:12 Thank you, Adena.
1542 01:09:13 This has been...
1543 01:09:14 The best night of my life.
1544 01:09:22 Weird fucking family.
1545 01:09:26 Well, that was awful.
1546 01:09:31 At least the kids never woke up.
1547 01:09:42 Uh, passengers onthe left side of the prancer
1548 01:09:44 will notice the Grand Canyonout the window.
1549 01:09:48 That's right.Last stop before walley world.
1550 01:10:02 So, guys,
1551 01:10:04 when we visited the Grand Canyonwhen I was a kid,
1552 01:10:07 we barely had a chanceto look at it.
1553 01:10:09 This time...
1554 01:10:11 We're gonna doa whole lot more than look.
1555 01:10:14 - Oh, cool.- Sweet!
1556 01:10:21 Hi, folks!
1557 01:10:23 Hi!
1558 01:10:24 All right, let's see,who do we got here?
1559 01:10:26 You must be the fung family!
1560 01:10:30 Huh?
1561 01:10:32 I'm just messing!
1562 01:10:33 You're the Griswolds, right?
1563 01:10:34 Yes, that's right.
1564 01:10:36 Right.
1565 01:10:37 The little guy's face was like,"fungs? Huh?!"
1566 01:10:42 Anyway, I'm Chad.I'm gonna be your guide.
1567 01:10:44 - Okay. Hi, Chad.- All right.
1568 01:10:46 Well you couldn't have comeon a better day.
1569 01:10:48 I'm gonna get you all geared up.
1570 01:10:49 And, guess what,the river's running way high,
1571 01:10:51 so I think we're in fora pretty sweet ride, guys.
1572 01:10:53 - Let's roll.- All right.
1573 01:10:55 Let's do this.
1574 01:10:57 Okay, gang,joke time is over.
1575 01:10:59 All right,let's get serious for a second.
1576 01:11:00 Let's go over a couplesafety procedures
1577 01:11:01 before we hit the water.
1578 01:11:03 First off...Do any of you know this river?
1579 01:11:05 'Cause this is actuallymy first time.
1580 01:11:08 I'm kidding.
1581 01:11:11 Been doing thisabout three and a half years.
1582 01:11:13 Know the river inside and out,okay?
1583 01:11:14 Uh, got my guide certificatefrom a cracker Jack box.
1584 01:11:18 That's a joke.Guys, it's a joke.
1585 01:11:20 See the little kid's face?He's all, "a cracker Jack box?
1586 01:11:22 A what?!"
1587 01:11:25 All you gotta do is followmy instructions out there.
1588 01:11:27 And we got a 50-50 chanceof coming back alive.
1589 01:11:31 I'm kidding, guys.
1590 01:11:33 See the little kid's face,he's all,
1591 01:11:34 "I'm coming back alive!I don't wanna die!"
1592 01:11:38 Uh, sorry, hang on a second.
1593 01:11:40 I-I'm getting a callfrom my fiancée here.
1594 01:11:41 Actually, just got engagedtwo weeks ago,
1595 01:11:43 so I thinkI'm gonna take this
1596 01:11:45 or the river's not gonna bethe only hot water I'm in today.
1597 01:11:47 River's actually very cold.
1598 01:11:50 Hey, boo.
1599 01:11:52 Wow.
1600 01:11:53 This is awesome.
1601 01:11:54 We're about to set sail
1602 01:11:56 through one of America'sgreatest aquatic treasures.
1603 01:11:58 - Kevin, don't hit your brother.- I didn't.
1604 01:12:02 You heard what he said about
1605 01:12:03 the aquatic treasuresand everything, right?
1606 01:12:05 - Yeah.- And you didn't wanna hit him?
1607 01:12:09 - Hmm, well, that's progress.- Wow.
1608 01:12:11 I don't understand, though.Like, what are you even saying?
1609 01:12:15 But j-just like that?!
1610 01:12:16 I-I love you!You love me!
1611 01:12:19 Tanya, please!
1612 01:12:20 Please, just let's thinkabout this for a second, honey.
1613 01:12:22 You're all that I havein this world!
1614 01:12:24 Tanya, no, babe.No, Tanya! No!
1615 01:12:27 Please don't hang up!No! No! Goddamn it!
1616 01:12:50 Who's ready to goon the river?
1617 01:12:52 Um, are you okay, Chad?
1618 01:12:55 Oh, yeah!
1619 01:12:57 Turns out,I'm not engaged anymore.
1620 01:12:59 So...
1621 01:13:02 All aboard.
1622 01:13:05 I don't knowabout this, Russ.
1623 01:13:06 Oh, come on.He's kidding.
1624 01:14:51 What?
1625 01:14:52 We're a day awayfrom walley world.
1626 01:14:54 Dad, I don't think any of usreally care about Walley World.
1627 01:14:57 The boys are right, Russ.
1628 01:14:58 I mean,we almost died back there.
1629 01:15:00 I mean, isn't it timethat we just cut our losses?
1630 01:15:03 I cannot believewhat I'm hearing.
1631 01:15:06 I... oh. Oh, my God!
1632 01:15:09 Huh? All right.
1633 01:15:10 That has to be a sign,right?
1634 01:15:12 We were meantto finish this trip.
1635 01:15:13 Come on, guys,everybody sing it with me.
1636 01:15:24 - We're losing the station, Russ.- We're not losing anything.
1637 01:15:25 Yes, we are, just...
1638 01:15:26 We just have to listena little harder!
1639 01:15:32 Okay, no, no, no.
1640 01:15:33 It's gone.It's gone.
1641 01:15:34 - Just let it go!- Fine!
1642 01:15:35 Just thoughtwe could all sing seal together
1643 01:15:38 like normal families do.
1644 01:15:39 Ah, crap!
1645 01:15:41 Now what?
1646 01:15:42 We're almost out of gas.
1647 01:15:43 Oh, my God.
1648 01:15:46 It's all right.
1649 01:15:47 I'm sure we will finda place to fill up around here
1650 01:15:49 before we run out.
1651 01:15:52 Ugh. Man.No signal at all.
1652 01:15:58 Wonder if the prancerhas roadside assistance.
1653 01:16:00 How would we even call them?
1654 01:16:03 Maybe it's one of the buttonson the fob.
1655 01:16:05 Seriously? You're gonna keeppressing buttons?
1656 01:16:07 Well,we never tried the top hat.
1657 01:16:09 Oh, geez.
1658 01:16:11 Oh, my God!
1659 01:16:14 Well, now we knowwhat the top hat does.
1660 01:16:17 I'm not gonna dothe swastika.
1661 01:16:18 All that's leftis the muffin.
1662 01:16:23 Come on, muffin.
1663 01:16:27 - What?- It started!
1664 01:16:28 - Yes!- All right!
1665 01:16:30 Oh!Must be the extra gas tank.
1666 01:16:32 - Right?- Oh! The muffin!
1667 01:16:33 Dad to the rescue!
1668 01:16:35 - Thank God.- Wait, where's it going?
1669 01:16:37 Wait! Wait a minute!
1670 01:16:38 Make it...Make it stop!
1671 01:16:40 I don't know how!I'll hit the muffin again!
1672 01:17:03 All right.We can handle this.
1673 01:17:04 Oh, no, no, no.Please don't say that.
1674 01:17:06 Do not say that we canhandle this, Russ.
1675 01:17:09 - Okay?- We can.
1676 01:17:10 No, we can't!We can't!
1677 01:17:13 From the moment we leftfor this trip,
1678 01:17:15 nothing has gone right.
1679 01:17:17 Can you please just admitthat this was a mistake?
1680 01:17:21 But it wasn't.Right?
1681 01:17:22 We all wanted to go.
1682 01:17:23 - I didn't.- Me neither.
1683 01:17:25 No. Me neither.
1684 01:17:26 You wanted to go.
1685 01:17:27 All right,I think tempers
1686 01:17:28 are getting a little hotright now.
1687 01:17:30 We just have to, uh...
1688 01:17:32 We just all have to...
1689 01:17:37 Fuck me!
1690 01:17:38 I give up!
1691 01:17:40 All I wanted to dowas take my fuckin' family
1692 01:17:41 on a fuckin' tripto walley world
1693 01:17:43 and ridethe fucking velociraptor!
1694 01:17:45 Ow!There's a rock in that.
1695 01:17:50 I guess I'm the asshole
1696 01:17:52 for trying to bring my familycloser together, right?
1697 01:17:54 What do I get?
1698 01:17:55 Kids who don'twanna be with me,
1699 01:17:56 and a wife who's miserable.
1700 01:17:57 - Russ.- Oh, come on, Debbie.
1701 01:17:59 You know it's true.You think you settled for me.
1702 01:18:01 You think I'm a loserregional pilot.
1703 01:18:03 Well, guess what?
1704 01:18:05 I get offers from internationalcarriers all the time,
1705 01:18:08 and I turn them down.
1706 01:18:09 Why?
1707 01:18:10 BecauseI don't wanna be away
1708 01:18:11 from you and the kidsthat long.
1709 01:18:13 I'm an idiot!
1710 01:18:14 I should takeone of those jobs
1711 01:18:17 and fly offto the Pyramids of Zambezi
1712 01:18:19 and the lost gardensof wherever the fuck!
1713 01:18:23 Just forget it.
1714 01:18:25 Forget this whole,stupid trip.
1715 01:18:28 You people are on your own.
1716 01:18:30 I'm sure you'll finda better husband and father.
1717 01:18:32 A cowboywith a huge six-pack
1718 01:18:35 who will take you to Parisand wrestling and... to books.
1719 01:18:41 What...
1720 01:18:43 Wait,where are you going?
1721 01:18:44 Fuck if I know!
1722 01:18:47 Ow! God!
1723 01:18:49 These tumbleweeds are all filledwith things that are hard!
1724 01:19:01 What the...
1725 01:19:09 Oh, no.
1726 01:19:13 Help.
1727 01:19:14 Help!
1728 01:19:16 Help!
1729 01:19:18 Help!
1730 01:19:20 Stop!
1731 01:19:21 Come on.Go, go, go!
1732 01:19:23 Help!
1733 01:19:27 No!
1734 01:19:29 Help!
1735 01:19:42 Don't you kill him!Dad!
1736 01:19:44 I'm so sorry.
1737 01:19:46 When I called you a pedophile,I was...
1738 01:19:48 No!No, no, no, no!
1739 01:19:50 No! Not...Not in front of my family!
1740 01:19:53 Your wife left thisin a truck stop in Missouri.
1741 01:19:56 Thought you mightwant it back.
1742 01:19:58 Oh, my God.
1743 01:20:00 Wait! Wait!
1744 01:20:02 Is that my ring?
1745 01:20:05 This man's been trying toreturn it to us the whole time.
1746 01:20:09 I don't knowhow I could ever thank you.
1747 01:20:11 No thanks necessary.
1748 01:20:13 It was on my way.
1749 01:20:15 So you're not a rapist?
1750 01:20:21 Looks like your car'spretty messed up.
1751 01:20:24 Where you headed?
1752 01:20:26 Um...
1753 01:20:30 Home, I guess.
1754 01:20:32 Well, I can take youas far as San Francisco.
1755 01:20:34 Will that help?
1756 01:20:37 Yeah.Yeah, th-that'll work.
1757 01:20:40 Thank you.All right, come on, guys.
1758 01:20:42 Thank you.
1759 01:20:47 He still didn't answer me.
1760 01:20:48 Oh, Kevin.
1761 01:21:06 Well, thanks for the ride.Really appreciate it.
1762 01:21:08 Hey, you know,you never told us
1763 01:21:10 why you keep that Teddy bearon the front of your truck.
1764 01:21:12 Oh, yeah.
1765 01:21:13 Oh, it makes the kidsfeel more comfortable.
1766 01:21:15 Oh, yeah?You... you have kids?
1767 01:21:16 Nope.
1768 01:21:19 Right. Take care.
1769 01:21:25 Well,I guess that's that.
1770 01:21:28 Yeah.
1771 01:21:29 We'll get a flight hometomorrow.
1772 01:21:31 Do not stay here!
1773 01:21:32 It's the worst bed and breakfastwe've ever been to!
1774 01:21:34 They oughtashut this place down!
1775 01:21:36 The owner is a lunatic!
1776 01:21:38 You all come back now,ya hear?
1777 01:21:40 Hey!
1778 01:21:42 Look who made it!
1779 01:21:44 Ellen!
1780 01:21:45 Oh, there you are.They're here!
1781 01:21:46 Hi, Dad.
1782 01:21:47 We were so happyto get that call.
1783 01:21:50 How was your trip?
1784 01:21:51 - Well, it's a long story.- Give me a hug.
1785 01:21:54 - Hi, Grandpa.- Come here, you two.
1786 01:21:56 Oh, my gosh!
1787 01:21:57 You're Gettin' so big!
1788 01:21:59 Hey, come on,let's go inside.
1789 01:22:00 - Grandpa, you don't have to.- No, I can do it. Really.
1790 01:22:03 - Oh, Russ.- Clark.
1791 01:22:04 Oh, no. I got this.
1792 01:22:05 I'm fine.
1793 01:22:07 Ow.This really hurts.
1794 01:22:09 And that's whenthe muffin made the car explode.
1795 01:22:11 But it didn't really matter
1796 01:22:13 because our luggageand all of our stuff
1797 01:22:14 had already been stolen
1798 01:22:15 by the guy with the raton his shoulder.
1799 01:22:16 They even took my guitar.
1800 01:22:18 Oh, James, that's terrible.
1801 01:22:20 A musician withouthis instrument
1802 01:22:22 is as bad as a shoemakerwithout a toilet seat.
1803 01:22:26 I may have something for you.
1804 01:22:40 It's very fragile.Look.
1805 01:22:41 - You take care of that.- Wow, Grandpa.
1806 01:22:44 Thank you so much.
1807 01:22:46 - Cool!- Yeah!
1808 01:22:47 Doesn't look like much,
1809 01:22:48 but that'sa very special guitar.
1810 01:22:50 It was given to meby Bob Dillon.
1811 01:22:52 The Bob Dylan?
1812 01:22:53 No.A Bob Dillon.
1813 01:22:55 D-I-L-L-O-N.
1814 01:22:56 An accountant friend of mine.
1815 01:22:59 But it was given to himby Jimmy Hendricks.
1816 01:23:02 The Jimi Hendrix?
1817 01:23:03 No.
1818 01:23:05 So how'sthe b-and-b business going?
1819 01:23:07 We love it, are you kidding?It's a great fit for us.
1820 01:23:09 We love visitors.
1821 01:23:11 We love having people aroundto care for.
1822 01:23:13 We're people people.
1823 01:23:14 Hey, guys.You mind if we join you?
1824 01:23:16 We're occupied right now.Beat it.
1825 01:23:20 Hmm. All right, guys,it's gettin' late.
1826 01:23:22 Why don't you go to bed, okay?
1827 01:23:23 - Okay, Mom.- Yeah. I'll run you upstairs.
1828 01:23:25 Good night,Grandma and Grandpa.
1829 01:23:26 - Nighty-night.- Thank you.
1830 01:23:28 Sleep tight.
1831 01:23:30 Well, you've certainlyhad an adventure.
1832 01:23:33 Well, yes.
1833 01:23:34 "Adventure"is one way to put it.
1834 01:23:37 How's Audrey?
1835 01:23:38 Oh, she's great.
1836 01:23:39 Yeah, she and Stone,they seem to be very happy.
1837 01:23:42 Key word there is "seem."
1838 01:23:43 What do you mean?
1839 01:23:44 Their marriage is a sham.
1840 01:23:46 What?
1841 01:23:47 Well, they sleep aroundon each other.
1842 01:23:49 Been doin' it for years.
1843 01:23:50 Oh, my gosh.
1844 01:23:52 I just wish Audrey had founda more solid marriage
1845 01:23:55 like you and Rusty.
1846 01:24:11 Hey, Russ, can we talk?
1847 01:24:15 I knewwe had some problems.
1848 01:24:18 Is it this bad?
1849 01:24:19 Is our marriage dying?
1850 01:24:22 No.
1851 01:24:23 No, a marriage only dieswhen you stop trying.
1852 01:24:27 And you have neverstopped trying.
1853 01:24:30 I just think maybe I did.
1854 01:24:33 What do you mean?
1855 01:24:35 I've only been thinkingabout myself, you know?
1856 01:24:38 I wanted to change the routine,
1857 01:24:39 and I want to go onexotic trips and...
1858 01:24:41 Yeah, there's nothing wrongwith that.
1859 01:24:45 I was crazy to thinkI could make us closer
1860 01:24:47 by locking us in a carfor a week.
1861 01:24:49 No, but you were doing thatfor us.
1862 01:24:52 You have been trying so hard
1863 01:24:54 to make this trip memorablefor me and the kids, and...
1864 01:24:57 And I didn't appreciate that.
1865 01:24:58 But why would you?
1866 01:25:00 I mean, I've put youthrough some serious shit.
1867 01:25:03 Literally,a pool of shit in Arkansas.
1868 01:25:09 You deserve better.
1869 01:25:11 What, better than you?
1870 01:25:14 How many menwould sacrifice their careers
1871 01:25:16 for their familylike you have?
1872 01:25:18 Oh, I didn'tsacrifice anything.
1873 01:25:21 I have everythingI've ever wanted.
1874 01:25:36 Debbie.
1875 01:25:37 Yeah?
1876 01:25:39 Will you continueto be my wife?
1877 01:25:41 I was wondering when you weregonna give that back to me.
1878 01:25:43 I was wonderingif you still wanted it.
1879 01:25:46 I do.
1880 01:25:55 Wait a minute.
1881 01:25:56 Are we gonna do this?
1882 01:25:58 Oh, yeah.
1883 01:25:59 I'm gonna pound the shitout of you.
1884 01:26:00 - Russ!- What?
1885 01:26:01 Lock the door.
1886 01:26:03 I'm gonna lock the shitout of that door.
1887 01:26:08 Hey, Dad.
1888 01:26:10 Morning, Rusty.
1889 01:26:12 You think you could drive usto the airport this afternoon?
1890 01:26:14 There's a flightback to Chicago at 4:00.
1891 01:26:16 Chicago?
1892 01:26:18 What about Walley World?
1893 01:26:19 Oh, no.We, uh... we've had enough.
1894 01:26:23 This trip's been a nightmare.
1895 01:26:24 Well, that's whatfamily vacations are.
1896 01:26:27 But you can't give up,Russ.
1897 01:26:29 Well, why not?
1898 01:26:30 I mean, they always say"it's not the destination,
1899 01:26:33 it's the journey," right?
1900 01:26:34 The journey sucks.
1901 01:26:36 That's what makes youappreciate the destination.
1902 01:26:39 You had a dream to takeyour family to walley world.
1903 01:26:41 Never let that go.
1904 01:26:43 I know I didn't.
1905 01:26:49 Well, how wouldwe even get to Walley World?
1906 01:26:51 We don't have a car.
1907 01:26:52 Hey, come on.
1908 01:26:55 You leave that to me.
1909 01:27:08 Oops.Wrong door.
1910 01:27:25 Could I, uh,take the Nissan?
1911 01:27:27 No. No.
1912 01:27:41 Wait, Dad, I thoughtwe were going to the airport.
1913 01:27:44 Boys, when your fathermakes you a promise,
1914 01:27:45 he keeps it.
1915 01:27:47 - That's not right.- This sucks.
1916 01:28:08 Wow.
1917 01:28:10 This place is huge.
1918 01:28:12 This is dope as fuck.
1919 01:28:14 - Kevin.- Kevin.
1920 01:28:15 Told you you guyswould love it, right?
1921 01:28:18 Hey, Dad.
1922 01:28:21 It really isdope as fuck.
1923 01:28:23 I know, right?
1924 01:28:24 - Guys!- Oh, wait!
1925 01:28:30 There she is.The Velociraptor.
1926 01:28:34 I can't believewe actually made it.
1927 01:28:36 I know.
1928 01:28:37 Mwah!
1929 01:28:38 You guys readyfor the ride of your life?
1930 01:28:39 - Oh, yeah.- Oh, hells yeah.
1931 01:28:40 If I'm being honest,it looks a little daunting.
1932 01:28:43 Come on.Race you to the ride.
1933 01:28:45 Yeah, go, go! Faster!Come on!
1934 01:29:01 Two more hours, guys.
1935 01:29:07 Oh, my gosh.
1936 01:29:10 All right, guys.Get psyched!
1937 01:29:12 Yes!
1938 01:29:13 This is it! This is why we cameall this way.
1939 01:29:19 Excuse us.
1940 01:29:22 What was that?
1941 01:29:24 Last ride tonight.Park's closin'.
1942 01:29:25 - No, we were next.- What?
1943 01:29:28 Oh, no, no.That's not okay.
1944 01:29:30 - That's not...- This is ridiculous.
1945 01:29:31 Hey.Excuse me.
1946 01:29:33 You justcut in front of us.
1947 01:29:35 No, see,we bought the platinum pass
1948 01:29:36 so we get to skipthe lines.
1949 01:29:38 Fifth time today on this one.
1950 01:29:40 Right, well, w-w-we just drove2,500 miles to ride this ride
1951 01:29:44 so you can't just takeour spot.
1952 01:29:47 Wait a minute, you...
1953 01:29:49 Econo air.
1954 01:29:51 Yeah?
1955 01:29:52 Good to see ya.
1956 01:29:53 All right,I'll tell you what.
1957 01:29:55 Why don't you and your familygo fuck yourselves.
1958 01:30:04 I'm sorry, guys.
1959 01:30:07 Oh, my God!
1960 01:30:11 Okay.
1961 01:30:13 You're a dead man.
1962 01:30:23 Get off!
1963 01:30:24 Oh, it's on.
1964 01:30:25 Kevin, no!
1965 01:30:30 Wait, James.No, you're not gonna fight.
1966 01:30:32 I'm not gonna stand herelike a little bitch.
1967 01:30:33 What?!
1968 01:30:35 Oh, shit!
1969 01:31:10 No, Kevin.Kevin, no.
1970 01:31:12 Kevin, come on.
1971 01:31:15 You people are fucking crazy!
1972 01:31:18 What kind of a familyare you?
1973 01:31:19 We're the Griswolds!
1974 01:31:21 See you aroundyou piece of ass!
1975 01:31:26 - Let's do this.- All right.
1976 01:31:27 Oh, man. I haven't beenin a fight like that for years.
1977 01:31:29 First car, all right!
1978 01:31:32 Man, our familyfucked that family up.
1979 01:31:34 We did.
1980 01:31:36 Did you see how I scratchedthat girl's arm?
1981 01:31:38 Oh, I saw it, honey.You gave her a good scratch.
1982 01:31:40 Yeah, my fingersstill hurt a little,
1983 01:31:41 but I think I'll be okay.
1984 01:31:42 Oh, boy.Here we go!
1985 01:31:44 - Hold on.- Oh, gosh!
1986 01:33:06 Russ?
1987 01:33:08 Yeah-huh?
1988 01:33:09 Is it supposed tostay upside-down like this?
1989 01:33:12 Yeah.I don't think so.
1990 01:33:14 Oh.
1991 01:33:15 Dad, are we stuck?
1992 01:33:17 Looks that way, pal.
1993 01:33:19 My eyes,they're starting to bulge.
1994 01:33:22 I'm surethey'll have us down any minute.
1995 01:33:30 Well, guys, what'd you thinkof walley world?
1996 01:33:36 Yeah.
1997 01:33:39 Listen, boys.
1998 01:33:40 I can't tell you how muchit's meant to me
1999 01:33:42 to spend all this timewith you.
2000 01:33:43 I love youmore than anything in the world.
2001 01:33:46 And if I could, I'd spendevery single day with you.
2002 01:33:50 So, we'll see youin a week.
2003 01:33:52 Wait,what's going on?
2004 01:33:54 Petersons are gonna pick you upat O'Hare,
2005 01:33:55 and you'll stay with them.
2006 01:33:56 Where are we going?
2007 01:33:59 Someplace I shoulda taken youa long time ago.
2008 01:34:02 How did you getfree tickets to Paris?
2009 01:34:04 I used my connectionsas a pilot.
2010 01:34:06 Oh, you're amazing.
2011 01:34:09 Well, you are my queen,
2012 01:34:11 and you deserveto be treated like one.
2013 01:34:19 I knowit's not exactly first-class
2014 01:34:23 or coach.
2015 01:34:24 Honey,it's perfect.
2016 01:34:26 Yeah?
2017 01:34:38 So how long is the flight?
2018 01:34:41 12 hours.
2019 01:34:43 Perfect.