基努猫(Keanu)(CN/EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:06 Los Phantomas.
2 00:01:31 Oh!
3 00:02:18 Juan?
4 00:02:21 Luis?
5 00:02:24 Pablo!
6 00:02:40 Oh...
7 00:02:42 No, no, no, please!
8 00:02:44 No, no, no!
9 00:02:46 Look, there's money. Look atall the drugs around you, man.
10 00:02:48 We could do business. We'll get you rich!
11 00:02:55 What are you doing? No.
12 00:02:57 Stop doing that. No, what are you...
13 00:03:07 No, no. Look, you gotall this money around, man.
14 00:03:10 No, no...
15 00:03:14 He's my kitten, Iglesias.
16 00:03:15 Please, please.No, don't hurt him. Please.
17 00:03:21 No, no, no.
18 00:03:22 That's my baby, Iglesias. No, no.
19 00:03:26 He's a kitten, you know.
20 00:03:28 Everybody likes baby kittens.
21 00:03:30 Right?
22 00:03:31 You know, it's not so bad, yeah.
23 00:03:38 Please, no. Look, I'll go away.I'll go away, please!
24 00:03:40 Please, no!
25 00:03:51 Freeze! Police!
26 00:03:52 Drop your weapon now!
27 00:03:53 Show me your hands now!
28 00:03:55 On the ground. Get on the ground!
29 00:03:57 Get on the ground now!
30 00:04:48 Call Rell.
31 00:04:50 Calling Rell.
32 00:05:02 Hey, cuz!
33 00:05:04 Oh, my gosh. You're alive, man.
34 00:05:06 How are you? How you doing?
35 00:05:08 Nothing makes sense anymore.
36 00:05:11 Are you okay?
37 00:05:14 Maisie broke up with me.
38 00:05:17 Yes! Finally.
39 00:05:19 Oh, buddy, I'm sorry.
40 00:05:21 What happened? Why?
41 00:05:23 I don't know.
42 00:05:25 She said my life wasn't going anywhere.
43 00:05:31 I mean, what the fuck does that even mean?
44 00:05:34 Hey, you know what?I'm gonna swing by right now.
45 00:05:36 No!
46 00:05:37 Clarence, I don't want youto see me like this.
47 00:05:40 I look like Apollo Creed.
48 00:05:42 Which Rocky?
49 00:05:44 The one where he died.
50 00:05:46 Oh, boy. Okay. All right.
51 00:05:48 Hang on, I'm gonna be right there, okay?
52 00:05:51 Okay.
53 00:06:13 Oh!
54 00:06:18 Can I help you?
55 00:06:26 Hey.
56 00:06:40 Hey.
57 00:06:48 Here you go.
58 00:06:50 Go ahead. Drink some.
59 00:06:53 It's just milk.
60 00:06:54 I swear, look.
61 00:07:00 There.
62 00:07:03 You just drank it 'cause I drank it.
63 00:07:06 Oh, you're so hungry.
64 00:07:08 What?
65 00:07:09 Okay.
66 00:07:11 No, no, no, you need a bath.
67 00:07:13 All right, just stay there.
68 00:07:20 All right, we're gonna have to walk.
69 00:07:33 Rell, it's gonna be okay.
70 00:07:35 Now, I know you don't want tohear this right now,
71 00:07:37 but everything happens for a reason.
72 00:07:38 You're right, Clarence.
73 00:07:40 Everything does happen for a reason.
74 00:07:42 I want you to meet
75 00:07:44 Keanu.
76 00:07:47 What?
77 00:07:48 No.
78 00:07:50 No.
79 00:07:51 Oh, my God!
80 00:07:53 That's the cutest catI've ever seen in my life.
81 00:07:55 Hello! I'm sorry, Keanu?
82 00:07:57 - Yeah.- Okay.
83 00:07:59 I think it means "cool breeze"in Hawaiian.
84 00:08:06 Honey, I'm sorry I can't comewith you guys this weekend.
85 00:08:08 It's just I've got all thatstuff to do around the house.
86 00:08:10 I understand, honey. It's fine.
87 00:08:11 I got the low-flow toilet to put in.
88 00:08:13 I just want you to do mea little favor this weekend.
89 00:08:14 - Yeah.- I want you to try and relax.
90 00:08:16 Right. Got it. Absolutely.What do you mean?
91 00:08:18 Well, sometimes you can bea little wound up.
92 00:08:20 Wound up? How am I wound up?
93 00:08:22 You're not hearing me.You're not hearing me.
94 00:08:25 You spend so much timetrying to be the person
95 00:08:27 - you think everyone wants you to be.- Okay.
96 00:08:29 And I just want you to be Clarence.
97 00:08:32 Okay, great.If that's what you want, then...
98 00:08:33 - But, see, that's what I'm saying.- No, no, no.
99 00:08:35 I mean, that's what I want,so that's what I'm gonna do.
100 00:08:37 Deep breath. Ready?
101 00:08:39 Just...
102 00:08:40 Ah!
103 00:08:43 Loosen up your shoulders.
104 00:08:45 And what's crack-a-lacking,beautiful people?
105 00:08:48 Hey, Spencer.
106 00:08:50 Hannah. A vision, as always.
107 00:08:51 Oh, thank you.
108 00:08:53 - Give me that.- Okay.
109 00:08:54 - Clarence. Give me some skin.- Spencer.
110 00:08:55 You got it, brother.That's all the skin you get.
111 00:08:57 Where's Belle?
112 00:08:58 Oh, honey, let me get her for you. Belle!
113 00:09:02 - Them's some pipes.- Right.
114 00:09:03 Our daughters just can't getenough of each other, huh?
115 00:09:05 I'm tellin' ya. Girls, right?Raising girls is the best.
116 00:09:07 - I tell ya, yeah.- Yeah.
117 00:09:09 - Hey. Here we go.- Thanks.
118 00:09:10 Hey, you know what?Maybe when you get back,
119 00:09:12 we can see that newShailene Woodley movie, huh?
120 00:09:14 Clarence, you're embarrassing me.
121 00:09:16 - My bad.- She got ya. She got ya.
122 00:09:19 - There we go. There.- Let's do it, kids.
123 00:09:22 Get your seatbelt on, young ladies.
124 00:09:24 Okay. We got this.
125 00:09:25 Oh, honey.
126 00:09:28 Really got to go, guys.
127 00:09:30 All right, sweetheart.
128 00:09:31 All right. Okay.
129 00:09:33 Uh, where's Micah?
130 00:09:35 Oh, well, unfortunately,my beautiful bride sends her apologies.
131 00:09:38 She can't make it this weekend.
132 00:09:40 She's got food poisoning.
133 00:09:41 - Oh, no.- Oh!
134 00:09:43 Yeah, poor thing. She was up all nightjust projectile vomiting.
135 00:09:46 - Oh!- And more.
136 00:09:48 You know.I'll spare you the gritty details.
137 00:09:49 - Thanks.- Oh! Oh, yeah.
138 00:09:51 And diarrhea is what I'm talking about.
139 00:09:53 - Right.- Oh.
140 00:09:54 Great. So, no Micah, then?
141 00:09:56 No. No Micah this weekend.
142 00:09:59 That's okay. That's okay.
143 00:10:00 That's too bad. It's too bad. But, uh...
144 00:10:03 - It's fine.- Okay. Well, yeah.
145 00:10:05 Take care.
146 00:10:06 - And have a good time.- We will.
147 00:10:08 Oh, yep.
148 00:10:12 - Bye, honey.- Drive safe. Bye, Belle.
149 00:10:14 Take care, guys! Have a great time!
150 00:10:19 Ah!
151 00:10:20 Here's kitty!
152 00:10:23 No, you don't want to go through there.
153 00:10:24 Look, you just want tostay in there, okay?
154 00:10:26 She's just found your manuscriptand you're ferocious with that.
155 00:10:29 So, you're gonna stay right there. Yeah.
156 00:10:31 Rell?
157 00:10:32 Just find the space. In here!
158 00:10:33 Hey.
159 00:10:36 Wow, you're working again.
160 00:10:37 What is that?
161 00:10:39 - This is December.- December?
162 00:10:41 Yeah, for the calendar.
163 00:10:42 I didn't tell you aboutthe calendar. Check it.
164 00:10:45 The calendar?
165 00:10:46 Oh!
166 00:10:51 - Well, this is amazing.- Thanks.
167 00:10:53 You could make a bundle on this.
168 00:10:55 Yeah, I know.
169 00:10:56 I mean, I'm not gonna sell it.
170 00:10:58 - Oh!- It's for personal use only. And family.
171 00:11:01 Oh, well, thank you.
172 00:11:02 No, I wouldn't want to exploitKeanu's cuteness like that.
173 00:11:04 Okay.
174 00:11:09 You have been very productive.
175 00:11:12 - I know, right?- Um...
176 00:11:14 Yeah. You know what?
177 00:11:16 This movie's in about 20 minutes.
178 00:11:17 - Are you ready to go?- Uh, yes, okay.
179 00:11:19 Come here, buddy.
180 00:11:20 Good job today, man. You did really good.
181 00:11:22 I'm gonna put Keanu in his little nook.
182 00:11:23 Oh, he has a nook?
183 00:11:24 Of course he has a nook.Everyone has a nook.
184 00:11:26 Okay. Hey, buddy.
185 00:11:28 House meeting.
186 00:11:30 I'm nothing without you.
187 00:11:31 And at the same time,I need you to clean up
188 00:11:33 your little area while I'm gone.Is that cool?
189 00:11:35 - I'll see you soon.- Okay. Good.
190 00:11:37 Uh, say goodbye.
191 00:11:39 You're coming with me.
192 00:11:42 Right, yeah, of course. I'm sorry.
193 00:11:45 Uh, goodbye, Keanu.
194 00:11:48 Cool.
195 00:11:49 Now, we'll talk about it later.
196 00:11:51 Okay. Bye. Hey.
197 00:11:53 Get that bitch!
198 00:11:56 Get her! Get her!
199 00:11:57 Get her! Yeah!
200 00:12:00 I'm psyched for this movie, man.
201 00:12:01 Is that a photo of you and Maisie?
202 00:12:02 Yeah. I mean, it was.
203 00:12:05 That was amazing! Movie of the year!
204 00:12:08 That is, like, the best Liam Neesons movieI've ever seen in my life.
205 00:12:10 - Best Liam Neesons movie ever.- Hands down.
206 00:12:12 I'm, like, jacked up from that movie!
207 00:12:14 - All right, settle down. Settle down.- Whoo!
208 00:12:17 What a way to start a weekend,you know what I mean?
209 00:12:20 That's good, because now,
210 00:12:21 I've got all that "doing me"stuff out of the way,
211 00:12:24 and now tomorrow, I can mow the lawn,
212 00:12:26 - I can get my bills done.- Hey. Hey.
213 00:12:27 You don't think that going and seeinga Liam Neesons movie with me right now
214 00:12:32 counts towards you doing you.
215 00:12:34 - What? That is me doing me.- No.
216 00:12:35 I wanted to see that movie.Hannah would never go see that with me.
217 00:12:38 It's just the beginning.
218 00:12:39 You have something else plannedfor the rest of the weekend?
219 00:12:41 We're gonna go to my house, right now.
220 00:12:43 We're gonna smoke some weed.
221 00:12:44 No, Rell. Hannah would...
222 00:12:47 Will love it. Hannah will love it.
223 00:12:49 You don't know my wife very well.
224 00:12:50 I know her well enough to know thatshe's a woman, and women like bad boys.
225 00:12:55 Who are you to give me this advice?Are you bad?
226 00:12:57 I mean, I'm not saying I roll up,fuckin' with my AK, poppin' fools.
227 00:13:01 No, you're not rolling up,
228 00:13:03 because that would requirea driver's license,
229 00:13:04 - which you, as a grown man, do not have.- Fair enough.
230 00:13:05 So, there will beno rolling up with AK's or anything else.
231 00:13:08 But I don't have a driver's license'cause I'm from New York City.
232 00:13:10 NYC, baby.
233 00:13:12 Where, yeah, the dudesthat kicked my ass...
234 00:13:14 - Yes?- ...were bigger than the dudes
235 00:13:15 that kicked your ass, motherfucker.
236 00:13:16 I'm from Detroit.Detroit public school system.
237 00:13:18 Impossible. Guaranteedthe guys who kicked my ass
238 00:13:21 were twice as big and scary asthe guys who kicked your ass.
239 00:13:23 - No way.- Guaranteed.
240 00:13:33 - Fine. So...- Guaranteed.
241 00:13:35 You have to get the last one.
242 00:13:36 Do it. I don't care.I'm not getting into a...
243 00:13:39 No way.
244 00:13:40 What makes you thinkI can't handle my business?
245 00:13:43 I've got it all on lock.I'm good to go, drawg.
246 00:13:45 I'm good to go, dude.
247 00:13:54 George Michael is holding it down.
248 00:13:58 - See, you just grooved on it.- I'm not saying...
249 00:14:00 You just went...
250 00:14:01 I'm not saying it's not a good song.
251 00:14:03 I'm saying we should be listening to this.
252 00:14:10 What are you doing? You all right?
253 00:14:12 What is that?
254 00:14:35 Yeah. Roll on, po-po.
255 00:14:38 I'm sorry, no.
256 00:14:39 You don't get to say,"Roll on, po-po" like that
257 00:14:41 after you just smiledand waved to the police.
258 00:14:46 He ain't want none, did he?
259 00:14:49 Rell, what does that mean?
260 00:14:51 Oh, snap. Is it raining?
261 00:14:53 Well, it's LA. It'll stop in a minute.
262 00:14:59 So, what? You're so hardcore,
263 00:15:00 you're just, like,afraid of a little rain?
264 00:15:02 Why is your door open?
265 00:15:06 Keanu.
266 00:15:09 Keanu!
267 00:15:11 Keanu!
268 00:15:15 Keanu!
269 00:15:18 Keanu!
270 00:15:20 Keanu!
271 00:15:22 Rell.
272 00:15:24 Rell!
273 00:15:28 I'm sorry.
274 00:15:32 No.
275 00:15:39 No!
276 00:15:41 I am so sorry, buddy.
277 00:15:44 No!
278 00:15:50 Listen, the cops are here now.
279 00:15:51 And they're gonna take care of it. Right.
280 00:15:52 They're professional.
281 00:15:54 They take this kind of stuff seriously.
282 00:15:56 Crimson Tide. Good one.
283 00:15:59 These are good. You take these?
284 00:16:02 They're just pictures. Keep them.
285 00:16:04 Do you think there's any chanceyou might find the guys who did this?
286 00:16:07 Hell no.
287 00:16:09 In most burglaries,the guys are never caught.
288 00:16:13 Oh, um...
289 00:16:14 You know, there might be a chance.
290 00:16:17 I wish that I could be more help.
291 00:16:20 I'm sorry, but I'm gonna haveto take that blanket back.
292 00:16:23 Oh.
293 00:16:26 This sucks.
294 00:16:28 Are you sure he was stolen?
295 00:16:30 These guys don't usually take pets.
296 00:16:32 Usually they're after drugsor something they can sell for drugs.
297 00:16:36 We'll keep an eye out for the cat.
298 00:16:38 Thank you very much.
299 00:16:40 Take care of each other.
300 00:16:43 See, now that's promising.
301 00:16:45 Maybe Keanu will come back,or maybe he'll...
302 00:16:47 Rell?
303 00:16:48 Where are you going?
304 00:16:50 Hulka's house.
305 00:16:51 Who is Hulka?
306 00:16:53 My weed dealer.
307 00:16:54 What?
308 00:16:56 You live across the wayfrom your weed dealer?
309 00:17:00 Oh, sup, sup, bro?
310 00:17:02 Hey, Hulka. This is my cousin, Clarence.
311 00:17:04 - Hello.- Sup?
312 00:17:08 All right, in or out.
313 00:17:09 Can't leave the door open,you know what I'm sayin'?
314 00:17:12 And don't fuck up all this shit.
315 00:17:13 I'm building a motorcycle.
316 00:17:15 So, the reason I'm here...
317 00:17:17 - Okay, look...- No.
318 00:17:19 This is the perfectsativa-dominant hybrid strain.
319 00:17:22 It's called Spoonie Gee.
320 00:17:23 Great. This is all great.I'm not here for any of that.
321 00:17:27 I'm here because my place got broken into.
322 00:17:29 Oh, shit, you serious?
323 00:17:30 Oh, man, that suck a thick donkey ball.
324 00:17:33 What'd they get?
325 00:17:34 They got Keanu.
326 00:17:36 - Oh, shit. The little guy?- Yeah.
327 00:17:38 Oh, fuck, man. I'm sorry, bro.
328 00:17:40 Okay. So...
329 00:17:41 Thank you.
330 00:17:42 I got an anti-sadness strain in here.
331 00:17:44 - It's called Walking on Sunshine.- No, no. I don't care.
332 00:17:46 No, I'm not here for weed, man.
333 00:17:48 I'm here just to ask yousome questions. Like,
334 00:17:51 has anyone shady come by herein the last couple of days?
335 00:17:56 Well, I mean... Well, um...
336 00:17:58 You know, I runa professional business here.
337 00:18:02 I never had a dissatisfied customer.
338 00:18:05 I don't know,it's a real fucking quandary.
339 00:18:07 Maybe it's someone thatyou're selling all of this marijuana to.
340 00:18:10 Yeah. Or maybe it was somebody who thoughtthey were breaking into your house?
341 00:18:15 Oh, yeah. Look, bro.
342 00:18:16 I be real with you, okay?
343 00:18:18 I'm so fucking high right now.I'm not even sure you're real.
344 00:18:22 I'm just like, where am I?
345 00:18:23 Where did all these eels come from?
346 00:18:25 Oh, shit!
347 00:18:26 No, no, no.
348 00:18:28 No, no, no, no.
349 00:18:30 Hulka!
350 00:18:31 Who the fuck would want tobreak into your house?
351 00:18:35 The Blips.
352 00:18:36 Man, the Blips.
353 00:18:38 The Blips?
354 00:18:39 These are the guys that were kicked outof the Bloods and the Crips.
355 00:18:43 The Blips.
356 00:18:44 Blood-Crips, Blips.
357 00:18:46 I've started getting intoselling some heavier shit,
358 00:18:49 and when you're selling the heavier shit,
359 00:18:51 turf becomes a thing. You know?
360 00:18:53 And so, yeah. I mean,the 17th Street Blips,
361 00:18:56 they did tell me, you know,
362 00:18:58 they gonna break in and "fuck my shit up."
363 00:19:01 But... I mean, that's not,like, concrete proof.
364 00:19:04 The 17th Street Blips.Okay, where are they?
365 00:19:07 17th Street.
366 00:19:08 Be specific!
367 00:19:10 Dude, look! I get you lost your kitty-cat,
368 00:19:13 but y'all some dumb fucks ifyou think I'm gonna be a rat.
369 00:19:17 I ain't some punk-ass bitchwho's gonna be intimidated by y'all nerds!
370 00:19:21 - You...- Nerds...
371 00:19:22 Yeah, that's right! You a fuckin' nerd!
372 00:19:25 - What you doing?- What do you think I'm doing?
373 00:19:28 Oh, shit! You fucking crazy?
374 00:19:30 No, not my De La!
375 00:19:32 Yeah, I got your De La now, bitch.
376 00:19:34 Hulka? Is everything okay?
377 00:19:35 Mom, not now!
378 00:19:37 Bro, no.
379 00:19:38 Oh, you fuck!
380 00:19:40 What's this?
381 00:19:41 No, no, no! Not Grandmaster.Not Grandmaster, please!
382 00:19:43 Tell me!
383 00:19:44 Okay, okay! Dude's at a strip clubcalled Hot Party Vixens.
384 00:19:48 Okay? But this dude, their leader,
385 00:19:50 his name is Cheddar,and he is a bad motherfucker.
386 00:19:53 You don't wanna mess with him.
387 00:19:55 Dude, you lost your cat.
388 00:19:58 You lost your cat.
389 00:20:01 Come on, Rell.
390 00:20:02 We'll figure something out in the morning.
391 00:20:04 It's not over.
392 00:20:08 All right, this is the place.
393 00:20:10 Hot Party Vixens.
394 00:20:14 HPV.
395 00:20:15 That's unfortunate.
396 00:20:17 Check it. We're going to approach the bar.
397 00:20:19 Then we are going toexplain the situation.
398 00:20:22 - No, no, no.- Yeah.
399 00:20:23 See, you're talking aboutexplaining the situation.
400 00:20:25 Hulka said this is a crazydrug dealer named Cheddar.
401 00:20:28 So?
402 00:20:29 What's so scary about "Cheddar"?
403 00:20:31 Cheddar is a psychopath name.
404 00:20:33 You only name yourselfsomething adorable if you can back it up.
405 00:20:36 - I don't think that's a thing.- That's a thing.
406 00:20:37 If you meet a guy namedFluffy Pink Bunny Head,
407 00:20:40 he will stab you in the eye.
408 00:20:41 I'm sure that this Cheddar guyis gonna be reasonable about money.
409 00:20:44 And, if need be,we will just buy Keanu back.
410 00:20:46 No, no. Not like that. Come on, just...
411 00:20:48 What, this?
412 00:20:50 - Yeah, pop the collar.- Uh...
413 00:20:54 - Okay?- Yeah.
414 00:20:56 It's what the kids are doing.
415 00:20:58 Not really.
416 00:20:59 But okay.
417 00:21:02 - Ready?- Yeah.
418 00:21:27 Wow!
419 00:21:28 God gave you one face.Why would you change it?
420 00:21:32 Nope, Clarence.
421 00:21:33 I just don't understand that at all.
422 00:21:35 - No, no, no.- No, what?
423 00:21:36 No, this was a bad idea.
424 00:21:37 Isn't your cat here?We need to get the cat.
425 00:21:40 - Hey, baby.- Hello, how do you do?
426 00:21:42 Oh, dear. Okay.
427 00:21:44 I'm, uh...
428 00:21:45 I'm flattered. Thank you.
429 00:21:48 But I am married.
430 00:21:49 No.
431 00:21:50 - Thank you.- Oh...
432 00:21:52 You just took my wedding ring.
433 00:21:54 No, no, no. We're here,we're here, you're good.
434 00:21:55 One beer, please.
435 00:21:57 I'll take a white wine...
436 00:21:58 Sir, that young lady just tookmy wedding ring,
437 00:22:00 - so I'm wondering...- It's all right.
438 00:22:01 - No, no. Clarence, Clarence, Clarence!- Yeah.
439 00:22:04 You can't talk like that here.
440 00:22:06 - Okay?- I can't talk like what?
441 00:22:08 You sound like Richard Pryordoing an impression of a white guy.
442 00:22:13 I do not sound like Richard Pryordoing an impression of a white guy.
443 00:22:17 "I do not sound like Richard Pryor
444 00:22:18 "doing an impression of a white guy."
445 00:22:20 You sound like John Ritter all the time.
446 00:22:22 Well, I beg to differ, nigga.
447 00:22:25 N-word. Went straight to the N-word.
448 00:22:27 - Yeah. Yeah, I did.- It's not authentic.
449 00:22:28 Because that's howreal people talk, Clarence.
450 00:22:30 No, it is not in my experience.
451 00:22:32 - It's not how people talk.- Please, please, you're wrong.
452 00:22:34 You understand? People understandthe historical significance of that word,
453 00:22:37 and that you can't just say it
454 00:22:38 shiftlessly with noresponsibility whatsoever.
455 00:22:39 Absolutely wrong. 100% wrong.
456 00:22:41 Listen, this is life.
457 00:22:43 You listen to me. You don't shush me.
458 00:22:45 You niggas in the right place?
459 00:22:47 Yeah, we in the right place, nigga!
460 00:22:49 You in the right place, nigga?
461 00:22:52 Who the fuck are these niggas?
462 00:22:54 Who the fuck are we?
463 00:22:56 Who the fuck aren't we?
464 00:22:58 - Oh!- Are you trying to die today?
465 00:23:02 Nah.
466 00:23:04 We ain't trying to die today.
467 00:23:05 Let me break it down right quick.
468 00:23:07 Y'all gonna take us to Cheddar,
469 00:23:10 and then we can start nailin'down the hows and whens
470 00:23:12 and wherefores and...
471 00:23:14 Whys.
472 00:23:15 Did I not mention the whys?The whys, too, motherfucker.
473 00:23:17 - Well, look here, homeboy.- Yeah, dude.
474 00:23:20 You in Bliptown now,
475 00:23:22 and you don't make the rules.
476 00:23:24 Cheddar does.
477 00:23:26 And you don't meet Cheddaruntil you meet me.
478 00:23:30 You feel me?
479 00:23:32 So who the fuck are you niggas?
480 00:23:35 Nigga...
481 00:23:37 Nigga, nigga...
482 00:23:39 - Psst. Tell her, man.- Nigga...
483 00:23:43 I'm Techtonic.
484 00:23:45 - Nice!- Thank you.
485 00:23:47 What about you?
486 00:23:50 My name is Shark Tank.
487 00:23:52 Well, look here, Techtonic and Shark Tank.
488 00:23:57 Cheddar is a businessman.He don't take drop-bys.
489 00:24:00 You think we don't mean business?
490 00:24:05 And swam.
491 00:24:10 Why don't you search 'em, Bud?
492 00:24:11 Go on ahead, Bud.
493 00:24:14 These niggas not strapped.
494 00:24:18 - Come on.- Yeah, let's come on, then.
495 00:24:52 What's up, motherfucker?
496 00:24:53 What?
497 00:25:02 Chill. Hey, yo, Cheddar.
498 00:25:17 You'll get it next time, boss.
499 00:25:29 Hi-C.
500 00:25:31 The fuck is this?
501 00:25:33 I'm Techtonic.
502 00:25:34 Sup, Cheddar? Finally.
503 00:25:37 - He's Shark...- The king pimp himself.
504 00:25:39 Shark Tank.
505 00:25:40 Yeah, I mean, we've been lookingforward to this, dawg. Ha-ha!
506 00:25:44 Talkin' about the H-N-I-C.
507 00:25:47 My man.
508 00:25:49 All right.
509 00:25:50 Yeah.
510 00:25:54 You know, I got a lot of enemies
511 00:25:56 that would love to walk in this roomand put a bullet hole in old Cheddar.
512 00:26:00 Hey!
513 00:26:02 We ain't got no beef with you, Cheddar.
514 00:26:05 No? How about now, nigga?
515 00:26:10 That's a nice piece.
516 00:26:13 You should keep the safety on.
517 00:26:16 You know what? I get it.
518 00:26:18 Hi-C, what the fuck is this, huh?
519 00:26:20 You bring me a couple of bitch-ass niggasas a joke, right?
520 00:26:24 - What?- Us? Uh, no.
521 00:26:26 I'm sorry, bitch-ass niggas?
522 00:26:28 Am I right, Tech?
523 00:26:30 It's been a long-ass timesince we heard that.
524 00:26:32 - Oh, really?- Yeah, nigga.
525 00:26:36 We killed 25 dudes this month, man.
526 00:26:41 So, if y'all so fuckin' real,
527 00:26:43 why ain't I never seent you before?
528 00:26:46 - Well...- Oh!
529 00:26:47 That's because...
530 00:26:49 I don't know,
531 00:26:51 maybe we didn't wanna be seent.
532 00:26:58 Wait a minute.
533 00:27:02 Y'all them Allentown niggas, ain't you?
534 00:27:03 - Us? Yes.- Nah.
535 00:27:05 - Yes, Techtonic.- Yeah, what?
536 00:27:06 Nigga, yes, we them Allentown niggas.
537 00:27:08 What the fuck is wrong with you?
538 00:27:10 This nigga acting like
539 00:27:11 - he got amnesia up here, fucking around.- Crazy.
540 00:27:13 Shit.
541 00:27:16 Why didn't y'all say somethingearlier, man?
542 00:27:19 We was tryin' to stay incognito.
543 00:27:22 You gotta keep 'em on their toes!
544 00:27:27 Oh, damn.
545 00:27:30 Why don't y'all come over here,have a seat so we can talk?
546 00:27:33 Okay, yeah.
547 00:27:38 You know, uh...
548 00:27:40 I heard how it went downat King Diaz's church.
549 00:27:43 That was some cold shit.
550 00:27:46 You know, man, that's how we do.
551 00:27:48 You know, we gots to do, how we do.
552 00:27:50 Oh, damn!
553 00:27:51 Oh, yeah, yeah.Don't worry about her, man.
554 00:27:53 That's Montana.
555 00:27:54 All right.
556 00:27:56 Hey, man, you know,as much as I love snakes,
557 00:28:00 I think we need to goto the bathroom real quick
558 00:28:02 and drain ours.
559 00:28:04 Well played, yep. That's whatwe should do. Mmm-hmm.
560 00:28:06 Oh, look who's up from their nap.
561 00:28:15 Hey.
562 00:28:17 Cute cat.
563 00:28:20 Uh, yeah. This is my nigga,New Jack, right here, man.
564 00:28:24 Yup. Hey, but, look, before y'all gorun off and do your little tinkle...
565 00:28:27 Where'd you get him?
566 00:28:34 Seems to me,
567 00:28:36 no stupid-ass nigga in his right mind
568 00:28:40 would let a cat like that go willy-nilly.
569 00:28:42 The fuck?
570 00:28:44 How much you want for him?
571 00:28:46 He serious?
572 00:28:48 Actually, he is, man.
573 00:28:50 We in the market right nowfor a gangsta pet, so...
574 00:28:54 Oh, well, he ain't for sale.
575 00:28:57 Everything has a price.
576 00:29:00 At a pet store.
577 00:29:01 But this ain't no motherfuckingpet store, nigga.
578 00:29:04 Well, that's a shame.
579 00:29:05 Um...
580 00:29:07 Thank you for sharing your time.
581 00:29:09 I said,
582 00:29:11 everything has its price.
583 00:29:16 Well, shit. I mean, damn.
584 00:29:19 Y'all drive a hard-ass bargain.
585 00:29:22 All right. Hey.I'll be right back, pimpin'.
586 00:29:26 I wanna show y'all something. Come on.
587 00:29:32 Come on.
588 00:29:36 I don't know if y'all knowwhat we slinging these days.
589 00:29:40 Holy Shit.
590 00:29:43 Holy shit, indeed.
591 00:29:45 Nah, man.
592 00:29:47 That's what it's called, man. Holy Shit.
593 00:29:50 Only you ain't heard of it yetbecause it's new.
594 00:29:53 And we the only ones that got it in LA.
595 00:29:56 What you're looking at
596 00:29:58 is a cross between PCP,
597 00:30:00 MDMA and DMT.
598 00:30:04 I mean...
599 00:30:06 One puff of this, and holy shit!
600 00:30:09 It's like you...
601 00:30:13 Smokin' crack with God.
602 00:30:17 So, uh, maybe y'all can accompanythese fools on a run.
603 00:30:21 You know, show 'em how y'allget down over in Allentown.
604 00:30:26 Well, you know, actually, though, um...
605 00:30:28 - Like a run, run?- Yeah.
606 00:30:30 You do that,
607 00:30:33 I'll give you New Jackas a gesture of respect.
608 00:30:36 Wow. But, unfortunately, we...
609 00:30:39 Deal.
610 00:30:41 Deal. Y'all hear that?
611 00:30:44 They gonna shadow you.
612 00:30:46 So you make sure you listen toevery word they say
613 00:30:48 and you take it as gospel, you understand?
614 00:30:49 But right quick, though, right quick,though, Cheddar, seriously, man.
615 00:30:52 I just was thinking aboutwhat's been going on.
616 00:30:55 As recently, our docket is full, nigga...
617 00:30:57 And at the same time, Cheddar,
618 00:31:00 if I can get a momentto discuss with my colleague.
619 00:31:05 Let's go, let's go, let's go, now!
620 00:31:07 It doesn't have to be that hard.
621 00:31:08 I will not sell drugs.I can't sell drugs, Rell.
622 00:31:09 This was your idea.
623 00:31:11 You were the one that wantedto come here, man.
624 00:31:12 All right, listen.
625 00:31:13 You were the one who saidwe were the Allentown niggas.
626 00:31:16 I am not breaking the law.
627 00:31:17 It's easy. It's easy, though. It's easy!
628 00:31:19 - What's easy?- I've seen Hulka do this.
629 00:31:21 He just stands there. People want drugs.
630 00:31:23 We just feed them somebullshit about New Jack City,
631 00:31:26 and we just get Keanu.
632 00:31:28 I'm not jeopardizing my familyby selling drugs, okay?
633 00:31:30 - Or...- Or?
634 00:31:31 - Maybe you'll like it.- What?
635 00:31:33 Maybe you'll likebeing a bad motherfucker.
636 00:31:35 No, no.
637 00:31:36 - You're good at it.- What?
638 00:31:38 And it's just team building.This is what you do.
639 00:31:41 I don't do team building for drug rings.
640 00:31:43 I do it for corporate...
641 00:31:44 - Ever hear of corporate crime?- That's not...
642 00:31:46 - Y'all ready?- Yeah.
643 00:31:48 Yeah.
644 00:31:49 Good. Let's go.
645 00:31:51 You ready, Shark Tank?
646 00:31:54 Yeah.
647 00:31:55 I'm fuckin' ready, Techtonic.
648 00:32:19 Sup, sup?
649 00:32:21 Finders keepers, yo.
650 00:32:22 Hey, keep your distance, yo.
651 00:32:24 No, no, no. Know what I'm saying?
652 00:32:26 No, don't shut that door. No, no, no.
653 00:32:28 I'm about to leave, anyway, so...
654 00:32:31 All right, y'all.
655 00:32:33 Gather 'round and whatnot.
656 00:32:35 So, seriously, what's gonna happen now
657 00:32:37 before we get on this job,it's time for us to all
658 00:32:39 get to know each othera little bit better.
659 00:32:41 We gonna go in a circle, first of all,
660 00:32:43 and everyone gonna say their name
661 00:32:45 and then two things about yourself.
662 00:32:46 For instance.
663 00:32:48 My name is Shark Tank.
664 00:32:50 And I ran hurdles in high school.
665 00:32:52 And I like to hold my gun like this.
666 00:32:55 So, that's me.
667 00:32:57 I'm Techtonic.
668 00:33:00 - I once shot two dudes with one bullet.- Blam.
669 00:33:03 And I went to a exclusive,
670 00:33:05 early screening ofThe Blair Witch Project.
671 00:33:08 - You did?- Yeah.
672 00:33:09 I did not know that. See?
673 00:33:10 That was before we even knewif it was real or not.
674 00:33:12 That's right. People thoughtthat shit was real.
675 00:33:14 Go on, nigga.
676 00:33:16 I'm Bud.
677 00:33:18 And I got into gang bangin'after I got stabbed by my moms.
678 00:33:23 I'm gonna need two things, though.
679 00:33:26 And my grandma.
680 00:33:28 Well, you know, them family reunionsget crazy sometimes, man.
681 00:33:30 Thanks for sharing, brother.
682 00:33:32 Whassup? I'm Trunk.
683 00:33:34 I got a knock-out left hook.
684 00:33:35 Mmm-hmm.
685 00:33:37 I got my name
686 00:33:38 because I accidentally lockedmy car keys in my trunk once.
687 00:33:40 - It happens to the best of us, dawg.- With a dead body.
688 00:33:43 Okay.
689 00:33:45 Yeah, well, you know,
690 00:33:47 Trunk is a better name than Dead Body.
691 00:33:55 Let's move on. What about you?
692 00:33:57 Yeah.
693 00:33:58 Stitches.
694 00:34:00 And?
695 00:34:02 Two things about yourself?
696 00:34:07 Nah, nigga.
697 00:34:08 Okay, you know what, Shark Tank?
698 00:34:10 I think, in his own way,
699 00:34:12 Stitches did share somethingabout hisself.
700 00:34:14 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
701 00:34:16 - We should move on.- Yeah, okay.
702 00:34:18 I'm Hi-C.
703 00:34:20 First off, uh, I don't likeniggas I don't know.
704 00:34:23 Second, I'm real curious
705 00:34:25 about what exactly went downat the Diaz church massacre.
706 00:34:29 - Mmm-hmm.- Yeah.
707 00:34:32 Okay.
708 00:34:33 Now we all know things about each other.
709 00:34:36 So, let's knock this job out real quick.
710 00:34:38 Was it really like the word on the street?
711 00:34:44 What was the word on the streets?
712 00:34:46 Blood bath. Hundred executions.
713 00:34:49 - Yeah.- Yeah, at least 100.
714 00:34:51 Hundred, 101.
715 00:34:52 And you ran up the walland did a back flip,
716 00:34:54 and came downand was still shooting niggas.
717 00:34:56 Mmm.
718 00:34:57 Damn straight. Did that, too.
719 00:34:59 Well, show us.
720 00:35:01 - Hmm?- Show us!
721 00:35:03 - The flip, hmm?- Yeah.
722 00:35:04 - I think we'd all like to see that.- Um...
723 00:35:09 All right, let me explainsomethin' to y'all real quick.
724 00:35:13 It ain't gonna be like you think.
725 00:35:16 Cheddar already told y'all,we ain't here...
726 00:35:19 Oh!
727 00:35:21 Damn, nigga! You see that shit?
728 00:35:23 He did it. He flipped it?
729 00:35:27 He flipped it.
730 00:35:28 Bring it in right here, homie.
731 00:35:29 Whoo! All right!
732 00:35:31 It's like black Jesus up in here.
733 00:35:33 That's what I'm talking about.
734 00:35:35 Oh, my God! I just did a flip. Oh, my God!
735 00:35:37 Shit! That shit is crazy.
736 00:35:39 So next time we tell y'allwe did somethin',
737 00:35:44 take our word that we did somethin'.
738 00:35:48 - Now let's see you do it.- Yeah.
739 00:35:49 - What?- Sorry?
740 00:35:51 Your turn, nigga.
741 00:35:54 Only he's flippin' today.
742 00:35:56 Only I'm flippin' today, y'all.
743 00:35:58 We alternate flip days.
744 00:35:59 Okay, today's the daywhere I'm gonna be doin' all the flips.
745 00:36:03 Y'all ain't gonna see him flip today.
746 00:36:05 I'll flip the fuckoutta that shit tomorrow.
747 00:36:08 Ooh, yeah!
748 00:36:09 Hey!
749 00:36:10 Let's flip the subjectand go flip some Holy Shit.
750 00:36:13 - Okay?- Hells yeah, dirt.
751 00:36:14 - Let's take care of that.- Exactly.
752 00:36:15 Yo, everybody won't fit into my car.
753 00:36:19 My brothers. My brothers.
754 00:36:20 Come on, just tell mewhat you want from me.
755 00:36:22 Look, take anything. It's all yours, okay?
756 00:36:24 Okay? Hey, y'all like weed?
757 00:36:26 Just untie me, I'll go get it for you.
758 00:36:28 Fuck! No!
759 00:36:30 No! Come on! I didn't do shit!
760 00:36:33 I wouldn't...
761 00:36:34 Oh, shit.
762 00:36:35 I'm the fuckin' cat, aren't I?
763 00:36:37 That's what you're gonna do to me.
764 00:36:39 I ain't scared.
765 00:36:45 The cat? The cat...
766 00:36:46 You're looking for Keanu?
767 00:36:48 The cat's at Hot Party Vixens.You know, that strip club downtown.
768 00:36:51 You guys, don't kill me.
769 00:36:53 I fuckin' know everything about hip-hop.
770 00:37:03 Yo, Shark, no disrespecting, now, man,
771 00:37:08 but why you drive this weak-ass van?
772 00:37:10 You wanna get caught,go ahead, drive a little drug car.
773 00:37:15 But you wanna never get pulled over again,
774 00:37:18 you drive a inconspicuous family vehicle.
775 00:37:21 Inconspicuous, least hardcore,
776 00:37:25 motherfuckin' soccer mom,Full House thing.
777 00:37:29 Where we goin' again?
778 00:37:30 Just head towards the Hollywood Hills.
779 00:37:32 I'll guide you from there.
780 00:37:34 Wordness to the turdness.
781 00:37:44 Here we are.
782 00:37:51 You comin'?
783 00:37:57 Nah.
784 00:37:59 You got this.
785 00:38:01 Nah. Fuck that. You comin' with.
786 00:38:02 Cheddar said you was gonnashow me how to do this.
787 00:38:04 Yeah, go ahead, Techtonic.
788 00:38:06 I'ma show these guys how to keep watch.
789 00:38:09 Thank you, Shark Tank.
790 00:38:11 You're more than welcome, nigga.
791 00:38:12 Come on. We gotta get this over with, man.
792 00:38:16 Don't worry about it, baby.
793 00:38:18 Ain't no thang.
794 00:38:20 Ain't no thang.
795 00:38:33 Watch and learn.
796 00:38:39 Hi!
797 00:39:09 Ah! Yay! You guys are here!
798 00:39:12 Oh, finally!
799 00:39:15 What's up?
800 00:39:17 Somebody order some drugs?
801 00:39:21 Yes! Oh, my God!
802 00:39:24 I was just telling these guys
803 00:39:26 about this job that I did inParis for a couple of months,
804 00:39:30 and this guy, he let mesmoke some of this stuff.
805 00:39:32 And I swear to God, this drug is insane.
806 00:39:35 And the beauty is,
807 00:39:37 every trip is different!
808 00:39:40 Ha! Can I please see it?
809 00:39:43 Ooh. Backpack. Backpack.
810 00:39:47 Got a neat little backpack.
811 00:39:51 Yes!
812 00:39:54 Oh, my God, yes!
813 00:39:56 Come on, please, please, please! Come sit.
814 00:39:58 Have a drink. Sit down!
815 00:40:00 Sorry, we just want to see the money.
816 00:40:08 You see, Donnie,
817 00:40:12 some people don't respect the game.
818 00:40:15 What game?
819 00:40:16 Life!
820 00:40:18 Life is a fuckin' game!
821 00:40:21 And the only real question is,
822 00:40:23 who are the playersand who are the pieces?
823 00:40:26 Come on, you guys.Let's smoke some Holy Shit.
824 00:40:28 No, no, no.
825 00:40:30 Thought I made myself clear.
826 00:40:31 We're not interested.
827 00:40:52 Man, fuck!
828 00:40:53 Let's get some tunesgoin' in this motherfucker.
829 00:40:55 - Something, man.- Tunes, man, yeah.
830 00:40:56 Fuck, yeah. Let's see what we got here.
831 00:40:59 - I know you got some killer shit.- Actually, no, we...
832 00:41:02 What? Yo.
833 00:41:04 Yo, Shark Tank, my nigga. Um...
834 00:41:08 What the fuck is this?
835 00:41:14 Oh...
836 00:41:18 Shit, niggas!
837 00:41:20 This my shit right here!
838 00:41:23 This your shit?
839 00:41:25 This shit sound kinda white.
840 00:41:28 - White? White?- Yeah.
841 00:41:29 Niggas, this isGeorge Michael, right here.
842 00:41:32 All right? This one of the greatestrecording artists of all time, man.
843 00:41:36 This the real OG up in here.
844 00:41:38 So,
845 00:41:40 he black, then?
846 00:41:42 You know, he light-skinned.
847 00:41:45 And then, he used to rollwith this nigga, Ridgeley.
848 00:41:48 Yeah.
849 00:41:49 And then, George Michaelwas trying to do that solo thing, right?
850 00:41:52 And then, wham!
851 00:41:54 Then nobody never see Ridgeley ever again.
852 00:41:59 He killed the motherfucker?
853 00:42:02 Nobody
854 00:42:04 ever
855 00:42:06 seen
856 00:42:08 him
857 00:42:09 again.
858 00:42:11 Shit.
859 00:42:13 I'll fuck with that nigga.
860 00:42:14 I'll fuck with him.
861 00:42:16 - Hey, hey, y'all.- If he start that shit.
862 00:42:18 Wait till y'all hearthis next track, though, dirt.
863 00:42:22 You know,
864 00:42:24 in samurai times,
865 00:42:27 a refusal
866 00:42:28 to sit at a man's court
867 00:42:31 was considered a profoundinsult to his honor.
868 00:42:38 Ha! I'm just fucking with you!
869 00:42:42 You should have seen your face.
870 00:42:44 Oh, my God.
871 00:42:46 Oh, that was amazing.
872 00:42:48 Mmm.
873 00:42:50 Crazy.
874 00:42:52 Whoo!
875 00:42:53 The man asked for the money.
876 00:42:56 Yeah.
877 00:43:00 Rachel, get the bag.
878 00:43:02 I'm not your slave.
879 00:43:03 Get the fucking bag!
880 00:43:11 Ooh!
881 00:43:14 I loved you inThe House Bunny, by the way.
882 00:43:17 - Thank you, man.- Yeah. Yeah.
883 00:43:19 You know this chick?
884 00:43:22 It's Anna Faris, the actress.
885 00:43:24 She's in movies?
886 00:43:26 Lost in Translation?
887 00:43:29 Chipwrecked? The Squeakquel?
888 00:43:32 Scary Movie?
889 00:43:34 Oh... You in that movie?
890 00:43:35 Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 and 4.
891 00:43:37 Not 5. Too old.
892 00:43:39 Hmm.
893 00:43:41 But, enough! Enough! Enough!
894 00:43:42 No more Hollywood talk.I'm so sick of this bullshit.
895 00:43:46 - Yeah.- All I care about
896 00:43:49 is truth.
897 00:43:52 Or dare.
898 00:43:56 Truth or dare!
899 00:44:05 Yo, that chorus do kick in nice, though.
900 00:44:08 It does, don't it? Yeah, yeah. I mean,
901 00:44:10 y'all hear the father figure part, right?
902 00:44:13 Because, my man right here,
903 00:44:14 he didn't have his ownpositive male role model in his life.
904 00:44:17 So...
905 00:44:19 Damn!
906 00:44:20 Yo, I never knew my daddy.
907 00:44:21 - Really?- No.
908 00:44:53 Man, George Michael the shit, man!
909 00:44:55 - Right, dawg?- Right on, man.
910 00:44:57 Love that man.
911 00:44:59 Truth.
912 00:45:01 What is
913 00:45:04 the dirtiest, most fucked-upthing you've ever done?
914 00:45:09 Mmm...
915 00:45:12 You know, you don't have to...
916 00:45:13 This dude cheated on my sisterand I cut his dick off.
917 00:45:17 Oh... Uh...
918 00:45:20 Fuck, yeah!
919 00:45:22 That is the kind of shityou should get paid for.
920 00:45:26 Thank you.
921 00:45:28 Okay, your turn, same question.
922 00:45:32 Most fucked-up?
923 00:45:38 I once cut two dicks off.
924 00:45:42 Yeah, that's right.
925 00:45:46 They didn't even see it coming.
926 00:45:48 Snuck up on them.
927 00:45:49 Got real close.
928 00:45:52 One of them was long, thin, pointy,like a pencil.
929 00:45:56 The other one was short, girthy.
930 00:46:00 Had a little bit of heft to it.
931 00:46:04 Got up in there lickety-split,snip, snip, yeah.
932 00:46:10 I took them, too.
933 00:46:12 So, yeah, I'm a motherfuckin' dick-taker.
934 00:46:22 300 for the dick-taker.
935 00:46:27 Okay.
936 00:46:31 - So, Allentown...- What? Nigga, fuck, what? Nigga.
937 00:46:35 Tell me about it, man. Was it crazy?
938 00:46:36 Surely should have been.
939 00:46:37 Was it...
940 00:46:38 Hells bells, hold onto your shells, nigga.
941 00:46:41 Shit was crazy, shit was crazy.
942 00:46:43 We was just dodging bulletson a everyday basis.
943 00:46:47 You know, just for survival.
944 00:46:50 But, you know, the thingabout me and Techtonic,
945 00:46:52 is our communication skills.
946 00:46:54 That's the backbone of our teamwork.
947 00:46:58 - You feel me?- Yeah.
948 00:47:00 I get that.
949 00:47:01 All right.
950 00:47:04 - You know what?- Mmm.
951 00:47:07 I never told y'all niggas how I got this.
952 00:47:12 A kid stabbed me'cause I stole his Ring Pop.
953 00:47:16 That's awful, man.
954 00:47:18 How old were you?
955 00:47:19 Twenty-three.
956 00:47:21 Oh. Okay. Well...
957 00:47:24 Yeah, thank you for sharing, though.
958 00:47:26 That felt good.
959 00:47:28 I got one, too. Check it out.
960 00:47:30 Okay, yeah. Let's see that.
961 00:47:31 Buckshot.
962 00:47:32 Holding up a liquor store.
963 00:47:34 Oh, man.
964 00:47:36 And then he shot you, man. That's crazy.
965 00:47:39 Nah, actually, it made the news,
966 00:47:42 and when I got back to mygrandmamma house, she shot me.
967 00:47:45 Okay, you know, you need to spenda little less time with your family.
968 00:47:47 I'm gonna advise that.
969 00:47:49 - Hell, yeah.- So, what you got?
970 00:47:50 - Me? Oh, okay, let me, um...- Yeah, yeah.
971 00:47:54 Come on, man.You got a bunch of shit, man.
972 00:47:57 - Here it is.- You ain't gotta be modest.
973 00:48:01 A damn-ass street fight.
974 00:48:03 Appendix.
975 00:48:05 Blam...
976 00:48:07 Your appendix?
977 00:48:08 - They took it out of my body.- What?
978 00:48:10 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
979 00:48:12 Y'all don't even want to hear about
980 00:48:13 what went down with my wisdom teeth.
981 00:48:15 - Shit.- Damn.
982 00:48:17 Truth or dare?
983 00:48:19 Dare.
984 00:48:20 Why would you choose dare?
985 00:48:22 Hmm...
986 00:48:24 I dare you
987 00:48:29 to shoot your friend.
988 00:48:33 You jokin'.
989 00:48:34 She's jokin'.
990 00:48:37 You know she's jokin', right?
991 00:48:39 I'm not joking.
992 00:48:41 That's $10,000.
993 00:48:46 What?
994 00:48:47 Hey.
995 00:48:52 Show us what it looks like
996 00:48:54 to see a man's brains explode.
997 00:48:58 Hey.
998 00:49:00 Fuck it! He ain't my friend.
999 00:49:02 Hey! Fuck. Yo, Hi-C!
1000 00:49:06 Don't let white girl tear us apart, Hi-C.
1001 00:49:09 This is fuckin' black-on-black violence.This is how it happens.
1002 00:49:12 Don't fuckin'let Anna Faris tear us apart!
1003 00:49:15 Yes, come on.Show us what death looks like.
1004 00:49:19 Come on.
1005 00:49:21 Do it. Do it, do it, do it.
1006 00:49:24 Do it, do it, do it.
1007 00:49:25 Do it, do it.
1008 00:49:27 Do it!
1009 00:49:28 Fuck that!
1010 00:49:30 The fuck is wrong with you?
1011 00:49:32 Get it, then!
1012 00:49:34 - What?- Get the cash, motherfucker!
1013 00:49:38 You broke my nose!
1014 00:49:41 Look, look, look!
1015 00:49:48 You fucking peasant!
1016 00:49:52 Crazy bitch!
1017 00:49:55 Bring your ass here, little Wendy!
1018 00:50:00 Come on. Let's go!
1019 00:50:34 Move!
1020 00:50:36 Get in the back!
1021 00:50:38 Move it!
1022 00:50:41 Drive!
1023 00:50:42 I gotta start the car.
1024 00:50:46 You good?
1025 00:50:50 Come on. Drive!
1026 00:50:53 I said drive, motherfucker!
1027 00:50:55 I'm going, I'm going.
1028 00:50:56 - Seat belts and shit!- Come on, y'all.
1029 00:50:59 What the fuck is y'all singing?
1030 00:51:01 George Michael.
1031 00:51:03 Shit, don't break the goddamn van.
1032 00:51:11 - Oh, Stitches!- No, no.
1033 00:51:15 You ain't gonna hit nobody.
1034 00:51:16 Oh, there it goes!
1035 00:51:18 We still got this party shit
1036 00:51:19 - goin' on later or what?- Yeah.
1037 00:51:20 We're going downstairs in a second.
1038 00:51:22 Don't even worry about that.
1039 00:51:23 About time you passed that shit, eh?
1040 00:51:25 Here's the thing, man. I was, like...
1041 00:51:26 Just say some... Yeah, dawg?
1042 00:51:29 Shark Tank, can I catchyour ear for a second?
1043 00:51:32 All right, dawg!
1044 00:51:34 To be continued, y'all.
1045 00:51:36 All right.
1046 00:51:37 - I'll be right back.- Okay, Stitches.
1047 00:51:40 Nah!
1048 00:51:42 I gotta tell you, I'm having an amazing time,and these are not bad people.
1049 00:51:47 Clarence, Clarence, they're bad people.
1050 00:51:49 - No, no...- They're very, very bad.
1051 00:51:50 Okay. They're drug dealers,and I get all of that...
1052 00:51:52 Listen to me. Listen to me.
1053 00:51:53 - In the mansion, earlier...- Yeah, yeah.
1054 00:51:55 Hey! Shark!
1055 00:51:56 Shark Tank! Come here!
1056 00:51:58 Shut the fuck up, nigga.
1057 00:52:01 Dumb motherfucker.
1058 00:52:03 Okay. We'll just havea couple more drinks,
1059 00:52:04 and then we'll just go seewhere Cheddar's at, right?
1060 00:52:07 I never get to go out. I never go out.
1061 00:52:09 I am doing something that Hannah asked.
1062 00:52:10 This is for my marriage.
1063 00:52:12 These drinks are for my marriage.
1064 00:52:14 Thank you. Thank you so much.
1065 00:52:15 I cannot tell you how muchI appreciate that. All right.
1066 00:52:18 - Shark, you better hurry up!- Listen up, niggas.
1067 00:52:20 We about to be out this motherfucker.
1068 00:52:23 - Oh!- You good?
1069 00:52:29 You got me on that one.
1070 00:52:34 You good, though?
1071 00:52:36 Yeah, I'm good.
1072 00:52:40 You good?
1073 00:52:42 Yeah. I'm good.
1074 00:52:48 Shit got crazy back there, huh?
1075 00:52:52 You ain't never seennobody get killed before?
1076 00:52:54 Me?
1077 00:52:56 Yeah, I've seen people get killed before,
1078 00:52:59 by me.
1079 00:53:02 I was just trying to say that,usually in Allentown,
1080 00:53:06 we handle our businessa little bit more professionally.
1081 00:53:09 Mmm-hmm. Okay.
1082 00:53:16 You, uh...
1083 00:53:18 You ever think about gettin' out the game?
1084 00:53:21 No.
1085 00:53:24 That's a shame.
1086 00:53:26 I would imagine thatit's a tough job for a woman to be here.
1087 00:53:32 Not that you can't,
1088 00:53:35 because a woman can doanything a man can do, but...
1089 00:53:37 Yeah.
1090 00:53:39 You think if I get out the game, niggasgonna stop thinkin' they own bitches?
1091 00:53:45 Well, I'm not like that.
1092 00:53:48 You're not?
1093 00:53:49 Nah.
1094 00:53:53 I bet you, out there somewhere
1095 00:53:55 there's a non-gangster motherfucker
1096 00:54:00 that'd be real lucky to have you.
1097 00:54:03 I mean...
1098 00:54:06 You look kind of like
1099 00:54:10 the female lion in The Lion King.
1100 00:54:12 Nala.
1101 00:54:13 That's crazy that you say that,because it's, like, my favorite cartoon.
1102 00:54:16 - Really?- Yeah, and I'm a Leo.
1103 00:54:18 That's crazy how you knew that.
1104 00:54:19 You must be psychic or somethin'.
1105 00:54:21 Wow.
1106 00:54:28 You don't want to get mixed upwith a dude like me.
1107 00:54:31 I'm a wanderer.
1108 00:54:32 Oh, you gay.
1109 00:54:34 - No.- Yeah.
1110 00:54:35 Why you think I'm gay, though?
1111 00:54:37 I'm just messing with you, man.
1112 00:54:39 I know you not gay.
1113 00:54:41 How do you know?
1114 00:54:43 I could tell you like girls.
1115 00:54:46 Good.
1116 00:54:49 I wanna thank you for earlier.
1117 00:54:52 Really?
1118 00:54:54 Like, for what?
1119 00:54:56 For helping me kill those people.
1120 00:54:58 Yeah. Well, I...
1121 00:54:59 No. No. I...
1122 00:55:02 I ain't help you kill them people.
1123 00:55:03 You did that on your own.
1124 00:55:05 It's kind of like we killed them together.
1125 00:55:07 Nah, I think it's more likeyou murdered them on your own.
1126 00:55:13 Mmm. But I couldn't havedone it without you.
1127 00:55:17 Agree to disagree with that one.
1128 00:55:21 We killed them together.
1129 00:55:24 Well, legally speaking,
1130 00:55:27 I did not help you.
1131 00:55:31 Mmm...
1132 00:55:33 You all right?
1133 00:55:34 I didn't...
1134 00:55:36 You was kind of close.
1135 00:55:37 Yeah.
1136 00:55:40 Got my trick knee.
1137 00:55:41 Why don't we go aheadand finish this downstairs?
1138 00:55:42 Mmm-hmm. You wanna... I go first.
1139 00:55:45 Yeah. Go on.
1140 00:55:46 Come on, y'all.Let's go to this party, man.
1141 00:55:48 - Hell, yeah.- You heard her, y'all.
1142 00:55:49 Niggas is in here caking and shit.
1143 00:56:34 Allentown!
1144 00:56:38 Whoo!
1145 00:56:43 Excuse me. Can I comethrough here for a second?
1146 00:56:46 Excuse me!
1147 00:56:50 - Hey!- Hey, hey!
1148 00:56:51 We said one drink!
1149 00:56:53 Hey, but we're turning it out, man!
1150 00:56:55 It's not "turn out," it's "turn up"!
1151 00:56:58 And it's time to turn down, man!
1152 00:57:00 Oh, hey, hey, hey!
1153 00:57:01 Okay. I see what's going on.
1154 00:57:04 You're just madbecause they like Shark Tank
1155 00:57:06 more than they like Techtonic!
1156 00:57:07 What? No, no!
1157 00:57:09 I'm sorry.I just have a lot of personality.
1158 00:57:11 I don't know what to tell you, brother.
1159 00:57:12 - What?- What?
1160 00:57:14 First of all, I don't care
1161 00:57:17 if they like Shark Tankmore than Techtonic.
1162 00:57:19 They're murderers!
1163 00:57:21 All right.
1164 00:57:22 Second of all, no, they don't!
1165 00:57:24 Yo, Tank!
1166 00:57:26 What up?
1167 00:57:27 Nah!
1168 00:57:31 Yo, nigga, you aight?
1169 00:57:33 Word to Big Bird I'm aight, dawg. Blam!
1170 00:57:35 Aight, man.
1171 00:57:36 Hey, Stitches, man.
1172 00:57:38 Let me show you how wesmoke weed in Allentown.
1173 00:57:47 Aight.
1174 00:57:49 That's my boy, right there.He know how to do it right.
1175 00:57:51 - Yo, Shark Tank!- Yeah, dawg?
1176 00:57:53 Your turn, my nigga!
1177 00:57:57 Well, you know,
1178 00:57:59 I'm more one of thempipe-smokin' niggas, you know.
1179 00:58:01 You say a pipe?
1180 00:58:03 - Thank God.- Yeah.
1181 00:58:04 Thank you so much, sir. Thank you. Yeah.
1182 00:58:07 Here we go.
1183 00:58:11 Yeah.
1184 00:58:12 Gonna heat it up. Heat it on up.
1185 00:58:14 Ooh. It's gonna be delicious.
1186 00:58:19 Yeah.
1187 00:58:21 Yo, I almost forgot.
1188 00:58:25 Just got this done out back.
1189 00:58:27 Oh...
1190 00:58:29 - Shit!- Shit!
1191 00:58:30 That's actually the best tattooI've ever seen in my life!
1192 00:58:33 Me, too, man. Me, too.
1193 00:58:35 You want some, dawg?
1194 00:58:36 Nah. I don't fuck with that Holy Shit.
1195 00:58:39 Yo, you all right?
1196 00:58:42 - Hey, man.- Help him!
1197 00:58:45 - Holy shit!- Holy shit!
1198 00:58:47 Holy shit.
1199 00:58:49 Shit!
1200 00:58:51 Holy shit!
1201 00:58:52 All right. You doin' all right, right?
1202 00:58:55 Holy shit.
1203 00:58:57 I think maybe we should go,like, lay down somewhere.
1204 00:59:04 Yo, nigga, you floatin'!
1205 00:59:32 Am I in Heaven?
1206 00:59:55 You're George Michael.
1207 00:59:57 You're George Michael, man.
1208 01:00:01 No. That's my favorite fucking song.
1209 01:00:12 That's it. I like when you do that...
1210 01:00:14 That thing. That leg thing. That's my jam.
1211 01:00:21 Oh, no, I can't.There's no way I can spin.
1212 01:00:23 No, I can't do it.
1213 01:00:25 What? Oh... There it is.
1214 01:00:29 Oh, it's so good.
1215 01:00:36 George.
1216 01:00:38 I have faith.
1217 01:00:43 Hello?
1218 01:00:49 Oh.
1219 01:00:50 Hello, Clarence. It's me,
1220 01:00:53 Keanu.
1221 01:00:54 Meow.
1222 01:00:55 Wait.
1223 01:00:58 Are you...
1224 01:01:00 Keanu Reeves?
1225 01:01:02 Yeah.
1226 01:01:04 I'm your spirit teacher.
1227 01:01:06 People can't be excellent to you
1228 01:01:09 unless you're being excellent to yourself.
1229 01:01:12 I don't understand. What does that mean?
1230 01:01:14 Clarence,
1231 01:01:15 it's time to wake up.
1232 01:01:18 Where you go from thereis a choice I leave to you.
1233 01:01:23 Oh. Right.
1234 01:01:25 The Matrix.
1235 01:01:27 Dude, all you need to remember is...
1236 01:01:32 Oh...
1237 01:01:35 I get it.
1238 01:01:54 Oh, let me get a picture...
1239 01:01:57 Hannah!
1240 01:01:59 Hi!
1241 01:02:00 Hannah! Baby.
1242 01:02:01 Hi, baby.
1243 01:02:03 Oh, I miss you so much, baby.
1244 01:02:05 How are you?
1245 01:02:06 Not good.
1246 01:02:08 Wait, where are you?
1247 01:02:09 Oh, God. Oh... Huh?
1248 01:02:12 What? No. I'm just out with Rell.
1249 01:02:14 I'm doing me!
1250 01:02:15 - Are you at a club?- Yeah.
1251 01:02:17 In fact, it's of the strip club variety,
1252 01:02:20 and I've never done that,
1253 01:02:22 and I'm just having somereally rugged fun, you know?
1254 01:02:25 So, you're at a strip clubhaving rugged fun.
1255 01:02:29 Yeah. No, it's not like that.
1256 01:02:31 It's not about the degradingof women or anything.
1257 01:02:33 I'm here for a very specific reason.
1258 01:02:35 And... No, that didn't sound right.
1259 01:02:38 I'm sorry.
1260 01:02:40 It's complicated.
1261 01:02:41 I'll explain it to you tomorrow.
1262 01:02:42 But it's all good. It's nothing bad.
1263 01:02:43 Okay. Okay. Whatever.
1264 01:02:45 But, baby...
1265 01:02:47 This is what you said you wanted, right?
1266 01:02:49 You said to have fun.
1267 01:02:50 Whatever, Clarence. Whatever.
1268 01:02:52 I just didn't think thatbeing in a strip club was your thing.
1269 01:02:55 Yeah, well, you know... Shit. I mean...
1270 01:02:58 What'd you think my ideaof fun was, right?
1271 01:03:00 It ain't like my fuckin'lifestyle is some secret.
1272 01:03:02 Why are you talking to me like that?
1273 01:03:04 - See about it, then.- What?
1274 01:03:06 I said, why are youtalking to me like that?
1275 01:03:08 I've never heard youtalk to me like that before.
1276 01:03:10 I mean... I talk like that sometimes.
1277 01:03:13 Yeah. All right. Okay.
1278 01:03:15 Wait, what's wrong?
1279 01:03:16 This is what you asked for, right?
1280 01:03:18 Fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
1281 01:03:21 I didn't want to ruin your weekend.
1282 01:03:22 I just want you to know
1283 01:03:23 that Spencer's beena little inappropriate,
1284 01:03:25 and I'm coming home tomorrow morninginstead of tomorrow night.
1285 01:03:29 Inappropriate?
1286 01:03:32 Spencer was inappropriate how?
1287 01:03:34 Let's just say he made me uncomfortable.
1288 01:03:36 I can't get into it right now.
1289 01:03:38 Baby, I gotta go.
1290 01:03:40 You better behave yourself, too. Bye.
1291 01:03:42 No, Hannah, pleasedon't hang up the phone.
1292 01:03:44 Can you just explain to mewhat's going on right now?
1293 01:03:45 Hannah!
1294 01:03:47 Hannah!
1295 01:03:48 Yo, this party is crazy!
1296 01:03:51 Oh.
1297 01:03:53 Hey.
1298 01:03:56 You aight?
1299 01:03:58 Yeah, nigga. Yeah.
1300 01:04:00 You know, just side bitch.
1301 01:04:02 Word, uh...
1302 01:04:04 Well, Cheddar wants to holla at you.
1303 01:04:07 Cool, yeah.
1304 01:04:09 I'll let him know you're coming.
1305 01:04:16 So, uh...
1306 01:04:18 Hi-C tells mey'all some bad motherfuckers.
1307 01:04:21 Even taught my goons some new tricks.
1308 01:04:25 Yeah, we taught themhow we do things in Allentown.
1309 01:04:29 Yeah, well, um...
1310 01:04:31 I got a big exchange tomorrow. I need you.
1311 01:04:34 Help keep shit 100.You know what I'm saying?
1312 01:04:37 After that,
1313 01:04:39 - New Jack here is yours.- Um...
1314 01:04:42 I think we'd prefer to stickto the original arrangement.
1315 01:04:46 You know what I'm saying?
1316 01:04:49 Okay, I see.
1317 01:04:51 Driving up the price.
1318 01:04:53 Okay, 10 G's plus New Jack.
1319 01:04:56 Nah.
1320 01:04:58 Cheddar.
1321 01:04:59 We just want the cat.
1322 01:05:01 Shark Tank and I,we getting a little sleepy.
1323 01:05:05 Sleepy?
1324 01:05:06 Hell, yeah, nigga, we sleepy.
1325 01:05:10 And when them Allentown niggas get tired,
1326 01:05:12 we gotta catch some Z's,
1327 01:05:14 or else Allentown niggas get cranky.
1328 01:05:19 20.
1329 01:05:21 Straight up.
1330 01:05:23 Now, I know y'all ain'tgonna turn down 20 G's.
1331 01:05:27 I mean, shit.
1332 01:05:28 That's a lot of money even byAllentown standards, right?
1333 01:05:31 Well...
1334 01:05:33 Let me tell you about Allentown standards.
1335 01:05:37 By Allentown standards,
1336 01:05:40 when a nigga make a deal,
1337 01:05:43 a nigga make a goddamn deal.
1338 01:05:45 Ooh... Shark...
1339 01:05:47 And didn't nobody say nothing
1340 01:05:49 about no exchange tomorrow.
1341 01:05:53 So, let me tell youhow it's gonna go down.
1342 01:05:57 You gonna give us our goddamn cat,
1343 01:06:00 and we gonna be on ourgoddamn way, Spencer!
1344 01:06:04 Uh, Cheddar.
1345 01:06:09 Take pimpin' upstairsto the office for me.
1346 01:06:11 - Give him some of that catnip he like.- Mmm-hmm.
1347 01:06:18 You know, um,
1348 01:06:21 maybe, just maybe,
1349 01:06:23 just take a little timeto think about my offer.
1350 01:06:25 We don't need time. We need...
1351 01:06:28 Time is good.
1352 01:06:29 We need some time. You need some time.
1353 01:06:31 We'll take some. You take some.
1354 01:06:33 You do it here. We'll do it over here.
1355 01:06:38 - What are you doing?- What am I doing?
1356 01:06:40 This motherfucker trying to side wind us.
1357 01:06:42 What the fuck are you doing, Tech?
1358 01:06:43 I'm not Tech. I'm not Tech.I'm Rell. Clarence.
1359 01:06:45 Well, I was staying in character.
1360 01:06:47 What are you, Daniel Day-Lewisall of a sudden? Come on, man!
1361 01:06:50 Look, I spoke to Hannah on the phone,
1362 01:06:52 - and she said that Spencer did something.- What?
1363 01:06:55 She wouldn't tell me, man. She hung up!
1364 01:06:57 Okay...
1365 01:06:58 It can't be that bad if she didn't say.
1366 01:07:02 You almost got us killed, man, okay?
1367 01:07:05 Look, Keanu needs you.
1368 01:07:07 I need you. I need you.
1369 01:07:11 - Okay?- Yeah.
1370 01:07:13 Okay. Then come on.
1371 01:07:14 Okay. I'm good. I'm good.
1372 01:07:15 All right. Let's get Keanu.Let's get out of here.
1373 01:07:17 Yes.
1374 01:07:29 Watch the door. Keanu!
1375 01:07:32 Keanu!
1376 01:07:37 I said I was gonna take care of you.
1377 01:07:40 And I failed.
1378 01:07:42 But I'm here now.
1379 01:07:45 Get that off you.
1380 01:07:47 I'm here for you, buddy.
1381 01:07:49 I love you.
1382 01:07:53 Okay.
1383 01:07:55 All right, go, go, go. Just walk.
1384 01:07:57 I see. I get it now, becausewhen I stand up for myself,
1385 01:08:00 that means I'm standing upfor Hannah and Belle,
1386 01:08:01 and when I don't stand up for myself,I'm not standing up for them.
1387 01:08:04 Clarence, you can keep on talking,but just know, I think we just won.
1388 01:08:07 Oh.
1389 01:08:08 Oh, my gosh, you're right.
1390 01:08:10 Gosh, that was so weird, wasn't it?
1391 01:08:11 I mean, we just walked right out of there.
1392 01:08:27 Biscuits.
1393 01:08:32 Hey, buddy.
1394 01:08:34 Hey.
1395 01:08:42 Oh... Fuck me.
1396 01:08:45 What?
1397 01:08:46 Oh, you know what?
1398 01:08:48 Guess you don't know who you messing with
1399 01:08:50 because you beingcrazy disrespectful right now.
1400 01:08:52 Hey! If you fucking touchone hair on my cat's head,
1401 01:08:56 I will kill you!
1402 01:08:57 - Help!- Never mind.
1403 01:09:01 Okay, yes, yes.
1404 01:09:03 Putting them down. Putting the guns down.
1405 01:09:05 Yes, that's good.Yes, thank you, thank you!
1406 01:09:07 - Hey.- Thank you.
1407 01:09:09 - They like Keanu.- That's good.
1408 01:09:11 We do, too. We like Keanu as well.
1409 01:09:14 Everybody here seems to like Keanu,
1410 01:09:15 so we can agree on that, right, guys?
1411 01:09:18 Hey, we're fun dudes. We're friends!
1412 01:09:20 Please! What do you want from us?
1413 01:09:22 - Oh, God!- Oh, fuck.
1414 01:09:24 Oh, my God. Are those tiny penises?
1415 01:09:26 No!
1416 01:09:27 Please, Lord, let those be fingers.
1417 01:09:30 They're fucking fingers, man.They're fucking fingers.
1418 01:09:32 Oh, my God!
1419 01:09:37 Hey! Listen, if you let us go,
1420 01:09:39 I might be able to get you visitor passes
1421 01:09:40 to a meeting of the SenateForeign Relations Committee
1422 01:09:42 if they're not in a closed session!
1423 01:09:44 Oh, my gosh!
1424 01:09:49 That just worked.
1425 01:09:50 I don't fucking know how that worked.
1426 01:09:53 I have a friend. I have a friend.
1427 01:09:54 A friend of mine went to gradeschool with the speechwriter
1428 01:09:56 for John Kerry, a formerpresidential candidate.
1429 01:09:59 Oh, my God. I think this is working.
1430 01:10:00 - No.- Why would this be working?
1431 01:10:02 I think that theyare going to murder us to death!
1432 01:10:06 Oh, my God!
1433 01:10:07 Lord save me now, please!
1434 01:10:09 Oh, fuck.
1435 01:10:14 Keanu.
1436 01:10:18 No! What is that one?
1437 01:10:22 - Why are you doing this?- Buddy...
1438 01:10:24 Gentlemen, please,why can't we just talk about this?
1439 01:10:26 Can't we just...
1440 01:10:28 Okay, ready?
1441 01:10:29 Just take a deep breath...
1442 01:10:30 Get that bitch!
1443 01:10:33 Get that bitch!
1444 01:10:35 Get that bitch.
1445 01:10:37 Yeah, get that bitch!
1446 01:10:41 Get that, bitch!
1447 01:10:45 No, not the fucking knife.
1448 01:10:47 Man.
1449 01:10:48 I'm saying...
1450 01:10:49 I don't know what I'm saying.
1451 01:10:51 I don't know... Wait, wait, wait.I think we're gonna need more time.
1452 01:10:54 Just give us a little bit more time.
1453 01:10:55 Sir, I'm begging you, please.
1454 01:10:57 Think about, dig in toyourselves, into your souls.
1455 01:10:59 Why would you have todo something like this?
1456 01:11:02 Please, no.
1457 01:11:03 Oh, God. Oh, God.
1458 01:11:05 Oh, my God.
1459 01:11:09 I got you!
1460 01:11:11 Yes!
1461 01:11:14 Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes!
1462 01:11:15 Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, Rell.
1463 01:11:17 - Back up!- Thank you, God, for this!
1464 01:11:19 Back up!
1465 01:11:20 Okay. Yes. We gotcha!
1466 01:11:22 Fucking got you, motherfucker!
1467 01:11:24 Just don't move, all right?
1468 01:11:27 We're gonna take our cat,and we're gonna be on our way!
1469 01:11:29 - If you don't mind.- Keanu!
1470 01:11:31 - Keanu!- Keanu!
1471 01:11:32 Keanu!
1472 01:11:34 Keanu!
1473 01:11:36 Drop the fucking... Hey, back up!
1474 01:11:37 What are you doing? Stop moving forward!
1475 01:11:39 Stop walking!
1476 01:11:41 Stop walking toward us!
1477 01:11:42 Stay right there!
1478 01:11:43 Why are you walking toward us?
1479 01:11:44 Why are you walking toward us?
1480 01:11:46 Hey, knock it off! Knock it off!
1481 01:11:47 We will fire these guns andshoot bullets into your body.
1482 01:11:50 Count of three.We gotta fucking shoot them.
1483 01:11:52 I can't shoot them!I will not kill somebody.
1484 01:11:54 - Clarence, we gotta do it!- I cannot do it!
1485 01:11:56 Okay, one...
1486 01:12:08 I said the count of three.
1487 01:12:09 I know. I'm sorry.
1488 01:12:10 - I said the count of three.- I heard you say...
1489 01:12:12 - Yeah.- I heard it. Oh, my God!
1490 01:12:14 We've killed people!
1491 01:12:15 Why "we"?
1492 01:12:17 Why "we"? No, you did it!
1493 01:12:18 - What, no!- I didn't shoot anybody.
1494 01:12:32 Okay.
1495 01:12:34 Okay, we just murdered those people.
1496 01:12:35 - That's okay. All right.- Okay.
1497 01:12:36 - We should go. We should go.- Ah...
1498 01:12:40 Keanu!
1499 01:12:41 Here, kitty, kitty!
1500 01:12:43 Oh, God.
1501 01:12:44 Uh... Kitty, kitty!
1502 01:12:46 Keanu!
1503 01:13:05 Thought y'all motherfuckers was dead.
1504 01:13:08 Didn't say goodbye or nothing.
1505 01:13:10 Oh, and my cat, New Jack?
1506 01:13:12 The one I would never give upto two niggas like y'all?
1507 01:13:16 He was gone, too.
1508 01:13:17 And now I see that you are, in fact,
1509 01:13:20 holding that nigga New Jack as we speak.
1510 01:13:23 Hi-C,
1511 01:13:24 get my cat.
1512 01:13:32 Hey, hey, you two!
1513 01:13:34 What's that?
1514 01:13:36 That?
1515 01:13:38 That's just a nigga in the trunk, man.
1516 01:13:40 What you think?
1517 01:13:41 Because that's how we roll, motherfucker.
1518 01:13:43 That's our car.
1519 01:13:44 We be putting niggasin this trunk all the time.
1520 01:13:46 This the last day thismotherfucker's alive, man.
1521 01:13:49 Oh, shit! Don't kill me!
1522 01:13:50 - Oh, shit.- What?
1523 01:13:51 Oh, Rell!
1524 01:13:53 Rell's cousin! Fuck!
1525 01:13:54 Make sure you got your keys.
1526 01:13:56 Here's the deal, man.
1527 01:13:57 This nigga right here? He stole your cat.
1528 01:13:59 That's him.
1529 01:14:01 We just got your cat back for you.
1530 01:14:02 That is a hurtful lie!
1531 01:14:04 Yo, Cheddar.
1532 01:14:05 That's Hulka.
1533 01:14:06 That's whose apartment that Trunk and Budstole the cat from.
1534 01:14:09 He probably tryin' to steal him back.
1535 01:14:10 Yo, it wasn't my place!It was their place!
1536 01:14:12 - There you go.- That's what happened.
1537 01:14:13 Your girl know what's up.
1538 01:14:15 Give me the keys. Give me the keys.
1539 01:14:17 You don't need to...
1540 01:14:19 Cheddar. Look,
1541 01:14:20 I don't even know if you remember this.
1542 01:14:21 I met you at the club once. Hulka. Hulka.
1543 01:14:24 Look, come on, man...
1544 01:14:25 Kill this motherfucker.
1545 01:14:26 - What? No! Come on, man!- Kill him?
1546 01:14:28 Like, end his life sothe motherfucker expires?
1547 01:14:31 Take the soul out of his body?
1548 01:14:32 But we can't do that,and I'll tell you why.
1549 01:14:34 Because we don't have a gun.
1550 01:14:36 - We ain't got no guns.- That's why.
1551 01:14:37 This...
1552 01:14:41 - Thank you.- Appreciate it.
1553 01:14:43 - Thanks for the gun.- I really appreciate it.
1554 01:14:45 You looking out, and that's whyI respect you, Cheddar.
1555 01:14:47 That was efficient as fuck. Um...
1556 01:14:51 Hey, you know what, Techtonic?
1557 01:14:53 What's that?
1558 01:14:55 Do the honors, dawg.
1559 01:14:59 You one considerate motherfucker.
1560 01:15:01 - I do what I can, dirt.- Just do it!
1561 01:15:04 No, no, please don't!
1562 01:15:05 Don't kill me. Don't shoot me!I don't want to die.
1563 01:15:07 Come on, I just want to build motorcycles,
1564 01:15:10 and be a stunt man in my spare time, yo!
1565 01:15:12 Oh, God, I didn't want this.
1566 01:15:14 Rell, Rell.
1567 01:15:17 Come on, bro.
1568 01:15:20 Fucking do it.
1569 01:15:23 Can't do it!
1570 01:15:27 And you have many more guns than I do.
1571 01:15:30 So, I give you this one.
1572 01:15:32 Y'all ain't from fuckin' Allentown.
1573 01:15:33 Fuckin' knew it.
1574 01:15:35 In a sense,
1575 01:15:36 aren't we all from Allentown?
1576 01:15:38 George Michael isa real nigga, though, right?
1577 01:15:42 He's not black. I lied about that.
1578 01:15:44 He is not black, and I apologize.
1579 01:15:46 Nah!
1580 01:15:47 And he probablyhad a fuckin' father figure
1581 01:15:49 the whole fuckin' time.
1582 01:15:52 I can't speak to that.
1583 01:15:53 I don't know the man personally.
1584 01:15:55 Bitch, shut the fuck up!
1585 01:15:56 You don't get to talk!
1586 01:15:58 Y'all talk too damn much.
1587 01:16:00 - I don't talk that much.- What?
1588 01:16:04 Take this nigga out.
1589 01:16:05 No! Please!
1590 01:16:07 Not in front of us.Please, not in front of us.
1591 01:16:09 Oh.
1592 01:16:10 Just taking me out from the trunk?Oh, thank you.
1593 01:16:14 And put him in our trunk.
1594 01:16:15 Aw, man.
1595 01:16:17 Okay. Okay.
1596 01:16:18 Well, anything betterthan being shot, you heard?
1597 01:16:20 Right? Oh, I stand corrected! No, no, no!
1598 01:16:23 No, no, no!
1599 01:16:28 No, no, no!
1600 01:16:29 Oh, this is fucking gross!
1601 01:16:31 Oh, this is fuckin'...
1602 01:16:36 Motherfucker!
1603 01:16:37 - So, my name is Rell.- And I am Clarence.
1604 01:16:40 Look.
1605 01:16:41 You two morons is coming with us.
1606 01:16:43 Allentown or not, y'all gonnabe my Allentown niggas today.
1607 01:16:47 You do anything stupid,and you're fuckin' dead.
1608 01:16:51 - Okay.- Yep.
1609 01:16:52 That goes without saying at this point.
1610 01:16:54 That gun is so close to my head.
1611 01:16:56 Is that necessary?
1612 01:17:34 Welcome to my home, guys. How you doing?
1613 01:17:36 Anything? Beer, wine, liquor, girls?
1614 01:17:40 Videogames?
1615 01:17:43 No?
1616 01:17:44 Bacon Diaz.
1617 01:17:47 I heard you had a baller crib,
1618 01:17:49 but this is practicallyNeverland fuckin' Ranch out here.
1619 01:17:53 Thank you. Thanks.
1620 01:17:55 Who the fuck is...
1621 01:17:57 That's them.
1622 01:17:59 That's them?
1623 01:18:00 The Allentown niggas.
1624 01:18:02 Los Phantomas?
1625 01:18:04 Yep. They the onesthat killed your cousin.
1626 01:18:08 And we here to collect the bounty.
1627 01:18:10 Wait...
1628 01:18:11 No fuckin' way these guyscould be the Phantomas, man.
1629 01:18:14 They're like shadows, man.
1630 01:18:15 They're like the boogeymanand shit, you know?
1631 01:18:18 - No, you're right.- Good eye.
1632 01:18:19 But what happened wasI was trying to get my cat.
1633 01:18:21 - That's his cat.- And his name is Keanu.
1634 01:18:23 It's this cat right there!
1635 01:18:25 Iglesias?
1636 01:18:27 That's my cousin's cat.
1637 01:18:30 They took him?
1638 01:18:31 Who? Who?
1639 01:18:32 Oh, shit.Somebody's getting an ass whippin'.
1640 01:18:34 - Let's go. Come on!- Yeah!
1641 01:18:36 God damn right, they had him.
1642 01:18:38 - We did not have him.- No.
1643 01:18:39 No, no, no. There's no way, sir.
1644 01:18:41 That cat just was found on his doorstep.
1645 01:18:43 That cat's name is Keanu.
1646 01:18:44 - I know because I named him.- And has been his for months.
1647 01:18:46 It's too much of a coincidence...
1648 01:18:48 So, it was them?
1649 01:18:49 Shit, yeah, it was them.
1650 01:18:51 No! No, it was not us.
1651 01:18:53 Do we got a deal or what?
1652 01:19:02 Deal.
1653 01:19:03 Deal. Why is it a deal?
1654 01:19:04 Don't make the deal,because we're not those guys.
1655 01:19:06 Show them.
1656 01:19:07 Give me a second before I kill you.
1657 01:19:09 Oh, God!
1658 01:19:11 Come on, man!
1659 01:19:13 Why is everybody being hasty?
1660 01:19:15 Get Iglesias.
1661 01:19:18 Whoa. Wait a minute.
1662 01:19:20 I was thinking I would hold on to the cat.
1663 01:19:23 Okay. See, there's a problem with that,
1664 01:19:25 because Iglesias belongs to my family.
1665 01:19:29 I wanna give him to my aunt, so she canhave something to remember my cousin by.
1666 01:19:32 You know?
1667 01:19:33 So, that's non-negotiable.
1668 01:19:36 Deal breaker.
1669 01:19:38 Deal breaker.
1670 01:19:40 Don't think too long, kid.
1671 01:19:41 Don't think too long.
1672 01:19:45 Aight, Papi.
1673 01:19:50 Look here, man.
1674 01:19:53 Oh, God.
1675 01:19:56 Bottom line is...
1676 01:19:58 Light this bitch up!
1677 01:20:27 Stitches!
1678 01:20:29 You need help?
1679 01:20:30 Nah!
1680 01:20:34 Rell, Rell! Look, look!
1681 01:20:36 They're communicating.
1682 01:20:38 I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!
1683 01:20:39 I got you!
1684 01:20:51 Awesome!
1685 01:20:53 I know. Yeah. Oh.
1686 01:21:01 Hi-C!
1687 01:21:07 Get the damn cat!
1688 01:21:10 - Get the damn cat!- Fuck!
1689 01:21:20 No, Rell! Whoa!
1690 01:21:22 Hey! You will die!
1691 01:21:24 Then get my back.
1692 01:22:18 Don't tell me you just tried to flip,
1693 01:22:19 'cause you flopped, stupid!
1694 01:22:21 Give me the cat.
1695 01:22:22 - Give me the cat.- No! Keanu!
1696 01:22:24 Come on, Iglesias.
1697 01:22:25 Who's going home?
1698 01:22:26 Going home, home...
1699 01:22:29 Rell... No! Why!
1700 01:22:30 He's got Keanu!
1701 01:22:33 Where'd he go?
1702 01:22:35 Let's go.
1703 01:22:37 I got you, Iglesias. Here we go. Okay.
1704 01:22:39 Manny, open the car. Open the car.
1705 01:22:41 I got Iglesias.
1706 01:22:42 Go, go, go.
1707 01:22:43 Where are you going?
1708 01:22:45 - Your house!- My house?
1709 01:22:48 What are you doing?
1710 01:22:51 What? Rell!
1711 01:22:52 Rell, you can't drive!
1712 01:22:56 Unbelievable. What...
1713 01:23:16 - I'll shoot you!- Oh, fuck!
1714 01:23:18 You ain't gonna fuckin' shoot the driver!
1715 01:23:20 What are you doing?
1716 01:23:21 Oh, shit!
1717 01:23:23 Yeah, motherfucker!
1718 01:23:24 Oh, fuck! Look out!
1719 01:23:26 I don't even know how to fuckin' drive!
1720 01:23:29 I'm coming, Rell!
1721 01:23:31 Oh, fuck!
1722 01:23:33 Why did I grab a stick shift?
1723 01:23:37 Whoa...
1724 01:23:45 Oh, shit!
1725 01:23:47 Fuck, yeah!
1726 01:23:49 Oh, shit!
1727 01:23:52 Oh...
1728 01:23:53 Sorry! I'm sorry.
1729 01:23:56 Oh, my God!
1730 01:23:58 Okay, here he is.
1731 01:24:00 You're not getting away from me!
1732 01:24:01 Red light! Coming through the red light!
1733 01:24:06 Yo!
1734 01:24:10 Whoo!
1735 01:24:11 Oh, my God, Rell! What are you doing?
1736 01:24:13 Right now. Turn around.
1737 01:24:15 Shit!
1738 01:24:19 Fuck!
1739 01:24:21 You okay, Keanu?
1740 01:24:27 Why are we going through red lights?I'm sorry! Sorry!
1741 01:24:35 I can't fuckin' hearwhat you're saying, bro!
1742 01:24:38 Listen to me!
1743 01:24:40 Oh, shit!
1744 01:24:45 Oh!
1745 01:24:48 That fuckin' hurts!
1746 01:24:50 Okay, okay.
1747 01:24:55 Keanu!
1748 01:24:56 Come here.
1749 01:24:58 Come here, Keanu.
1750 01:25:00 Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
1751 01:25:03 - You come here!- Fuck!
1752 01:25:04 I'ma punch you in the head.
1753 01:25:17 Ah...
1754 01:25:20 Oh...
1755 01:25:22 - Yes! Yes!- Get him off me!
1756 01:25:24 Get that bitch, Keanu!
1757 01:25:28 Oh, shit!
1758 01:25:33 Oh!
1759 01:25:51 Oh...
1760 01:25:53 Fuck.
1761 01:26:02 Fuck.
1762 01:26:06 Oh...
1763 01:26:08 Keanu!
1764 01:26:11 Oh, man.
1765 01:26:18 Of course you're alive.
1766 01:26:22 What?
1767 01:26:23 You got a-fuckin'-nother gun in your ass?
1768 01:26:25 What?
1769 01:26:29 Shit!
1770 01:26:31 Who the fuck taught you how to drive,you bad-driving bitch?
1771 01:26:35 I don't drive.
1772 01:26:39 He does.
1773 01:26:43 - Oh...- Whoo!
1774 01:26:48 - That's my cousin!- I got him!
1775 01:26:51 Clarence, you did it, man!Fuck, you did it, cuz!
1776 01:26:53 That was so fuckin' badass!
1777 01:26:55 Oh, thanks, man.
1778 01:26:56 - I can't find Keanu!- Keanu! Shit!
1779 01:26:59 God, ow.
1780 01:27:00 What the fuck is wrong with you?
1781 01:27:02 Trying to kill me with my kid's car!
1782 01:27:05 No.
1783 01:27:07 I'm unkillable.
1784 01:27:19 What the fuck?
1785 01:27:21 Blips was supposed to run this game, man.
1786 01:27:24 We supposed to own this city.
1787 01:27:26 And y'all fuckin' ruined it.Y'all fucked everything up.
1788 01:27:29 I lost my money.
1789 01:27:30 I lost my cat.
1790 01:27:33 I still gotta get mines, though.
1791 01:27:34 The only way I know how.
1792 01:27:36 Cheddar!
1793 01:27:38 You're under arrest.
1794 01:27:40 What?
1795 01:27:42 Bitch, you ain't no fuckin' cop.
1796 01:27:44 Oh, yes, I am a fuckin' cop.
1797 01:27:46 Put your weapon down.
1798 01:27:52 Now drop your weapons!
1799 01:27:53 Trunk, drop it.
1800 01:27:56 On the ground?
1801 01:27:57 Yes, motherfucker, on the ground.
1802 01:27:59 Stitches,
1803 01:28:01 drop it.
1804 01:28:02 Yeah.
1805 01:28:06 Bud.
1806 01:28:08 Not you, C.
1807 01:28:11 You gonna kill me?
1808 01:28:14 All this Bliptown family shit?
1809 01:28:17 It's over.
1810 01:28:26 Cheddar, you're under arrest.
1811 01:28:27 Put your hands up.
1812 01:28:31 I will shoot you.
1813 01:28:36 Don't turn your back on me.
1814 01:28:40 Fuck you, bitch!
1815 01:28:50 Get your hands up!
1816 01:28:51 - I'm a cop!- Hands up!
1817 01:28:53 - I'm a cop!- Get on the ground!
1818 01:28:55 Get on your knees. Hands behind your head.
1819 01:28:57 - Let me see 'em!- Now!
1820 01:28:59 On your knees!
1821 01:29:01 Now! On your knees!
1822 01:29:12 Keanu!
1823 01:29:20 Go get him, Rell.
1824 01:29:22 It's me. You all right?
1825 01:29:24 Are you hurt? Are you hurt?
1826 01:29:32 I love you.
1827 01:29:34 We're gonna go home.
1828 01:29:39 All right. We're good. We're gonna go.
1829 01:29:47 What?
1830 01:29:48 - Wait, no. Stay in the car!- Why? What's going on?
1831 01:29:50 Because there's a bunchof dead people out here, that's why.
1832 01:29:54 - Honey! You punched him in the face!- Yeah.
1833 01:29:57 You punched him in the face.
1834 01:29:58 I need you to fuck me right now.
1835 01:30:00 Okay. Stay in the car!
1836 01:30:02 Right now. Stay in the car.
1837 01:30:04 Oh, yes!
1838 01:30:14 Well, this was a fuckin' mess.
1839 01:30:16 Tell me about it.
1840 01:30:17 Hey, I know you need this back.
1841 01:30:19 He's keepin' his.
1842 01:30:20 - Rell.- You're doing good work.
1843 01:30:22 We need to talk abouta few things before you go.
1844 01:30:24 But first let me introduce you toOfficer Galloway and Officer Dunn.
1845 01:30:28 Oh, snap!
1846 01:30:29 Right. You're alive.
1847 01:30:31 - Sorry about that.- Yeah.
1848 01:30:33 I had a fantastic time.
1849 01:30:36 That's weird.
1850 01:30:37 Mmm-hmm.
1851 01:30:38 - What about Anna Faris?- Well, she's still alive.
1852 01:30:40 We hire celebrities all the timeto help us with cases.
1853 01:30:43 Like Shaq or Steven Seagal.
1854 01:30:45 No shit.
1855 01:30:47 I'm gonna let you twotalk about that other thing.
1856 01:30:50 Mmm.
1857 01:30:54 "That other thing"?
1858 01:30:56 Ooh. I like the sound of that.
1859 01:31:00 So, what, do you need me for some kind oftop-secret mission or something?
1860 01:31:03 No. No top-secret missions goin' on.
1861 01:31:06 But we need to talk about your behavior.
1862 01:31:10 You know I just wanted my cat back.
1863 01:31:11 I know. And you got him.
1864 01:31:13 Keanu's a cutie.
1865 01:31:17 Damn, Hi-C.
1866 01:31:18 Parker. Trina Parker.
1867 01:31:21 Trina Parker.
1868 01:31:25 I kind of liked Hi-C.
1869 01:31:26 Well, she kind of liked you, too.
1870 01:31:31 Well... Ow.
1871 01:31:34 Maybe we should go somewhere.
1872 01:31:38 Maybe we should.
1873 01:31:40 Right to jail.
1874 01:31:42 Whoa...
1875 01:31:45 Mmm-hmm.
1876 01:31:46 That makes sense.
1877 01:31:48 Broke a lot of laws, probably.
1878 01:31:50 Don't worry. I'll testify on your behalf.
1879 01:31:53 - Watch him for me?- I will.
1880 01:31:56 And just remember, Rell.
1881 01:31:57 There's consequences to your actions.
1882 01:31:59 Hey.
1883 01:32:00 There's consequences to your actions
1884 01:32:02 because you gonna bein trouble in a second.
1885 01:32:05 - Oh, yeah?- Hold up. Yeah.
1886 01:32:06 I'm gonna take you on a date.
1887 01:32:08 - Okay.- Ow. I'm shot in the leg. Ow!
1888 01:32:10 Ow, ow, ow!
1889 01:32:12 You ready to go, Keanu?
1890 01:32:16 You're a cutie.
1891 01:32:18 I can see why he did all of that for you.
1892 01:32:27 Help!
1893 01:32:30 Help me!
1894 01:32:31 Help me!
1895 01:32:33 Oh, thank God.
1896 01:32:34 Yo, kill it! Kill it!
1897 01:32:36 It hurts so bad, you don't even know.
1898 01:32:44 Hasn't even been that bad, really.
1899 01:32:46 Clarence and I, having killedthe Allentown brothers
1900 01:32:48 has us kind of lookin' likecrime heroes or somethin'.
1901 01:32:51 We don't even have tochange our voice or anything.
1902 01:32:54 Mostly it's just good to see you.
1903 01:32:57 I love you, Keanu.
1904 01:33:02 How much longer?
1905 01:33:03 Three more weeks, baby.That's it. 21 days.
1906 01:33:06 And what are you gonna do to me?
1907 01:33:07 I'm gonna take this moustacheand I'm just gonna go like...
1908 01:33:10 Gonna rub it all over your neck.
1909 01:33:12 - Moustache in here...- I'm gonna put my 'stache
1910 01:33:13 right in there. I'm just gonna...
1911 01:33:15 Hey! Quit poundin' on the glass.
1912 01:33:17 I'm sorry, sir. I apologize.
1913 01:33:19 That's my wife, though.That was a love pound.
1914 01:33:26 - Hey.- Hey.
1915 01:33:28 Thanks for watching him.
1916 01:33:29 No problem.
1917 01:33:31 He's like one of the family.
1918 01:33:33 I do have some news for you, though.
1919 01:33:36 What?
1920 01:33:37 I took Keanu to the vet.
1921 01:33:41 He has a rare disease.
1922 01:33:44 Oh, no.
1923 01:33:46 He's gonna be a kitten forever.
1924 01:34:12 What's going on, motherfuckers?
1925 01:34:15 Okay. Let's do this.Let's hold this shit down, guys.
1926 01:34:18 I'm not fuckin' around.
1927 01:34:21 You say somethin'?
