我的宝贝在哪里(The Package)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:20 [man] Nice!
2 00:00:25 [funky upbeat music playing]
3 00:00:41 I love this belt.
4 00:00:53 Only 30 minutes more TV. Okay, hon?
5 00:00:59 This lamp. Sweet. Oh.
6 00:01:02 [music playing on TV]
7 00:01:06 Donnie's gonna be here any minute.
8 00:01:08 Yeah. Whoa. [groans]
9 00:01:27 [brakes screech]
10 00:01:34 [sniffs] [horn honks]
11 00:01:38 [chuckles]
12 00:01:49 Welcome home, Sean Floyd.
13 00:01:53 All right, Donnie's here.See you guys tomorrow.
14 00:01:55 All right, honey.
15 00:01:56 -Have fun camping, kiddo.-Bye!
16 00:01:59 -[groaning]-[man on TV] Oh, yeah. Ah, Ooh.
17 00:02:02 -[woman moaning]-Oh, my God.
18 00:02:04 [man] Ooh.
19 00:02:05 Holy shit.
20 00:02:06 -What is this?-I don't know!
21 00:02:08 -Oh, my God.-[father] Work!
22 00:02:10 -Just walk over, hit the button on the TV.-What are they doing?
23 00:02:13 Okay, I'll see you guys later.
24 00:02:15 -[mother] What are you doing?-[moaning, panting]
25 00:02:18 Dude, what are you doing?Are you serious?
26 00:02:20 Sean Floyd, back on American soilfor one week only!
27 00:02:24 Dude, turn that off.My little brother is crying in there.
28 00:02:26 -[cell phone clicks]-That's crazy porn.
29 00:02:28 [Donnie] She's a big girl.
30 00:02:30 What are you wearing?
31 00:02:32 They're my hiking shorts.
32 00:02:34 Why do those cover your belly buttonbut not your balls?
33 00:02:36 What's that on your face?You spilled something on your face.
34 00:02:39 It looks like you drank a glassof Ed Sheeran's pubes.
35 00:02:42 In fact, the '80s nostalgia wavewe're living in, it's about to crest.
36 00:02:45 When it does, I'm gonna be swimmingin puss. Know why?
37 00:02:47 Are you growing a Narcos coke 'stache?
38 00:02:49 I am growing a Narcos coke 'stache,my friend.
39 00:02:51 -You're growing a coke 'stache.-Mm-hmm. Donnie Escobar, right here.
40 00:02:54 -Wow.-That's right.
41 00:02:55 [snickers]
42 00:02:57 How you doing, pal?
43 00:02:58 -I'm good. How are you?-Glad to have you back.
44 00:03:00 Ah, it's good to be back and...
45 00:03:03 Oh, we're hugging.
46 00:03:04 -[rap music playing]-♪ That I'm sipping on ♪
47 00:03:06 ♪ Ass that I'm gripping onLeather that I'm sitting on ♪
48 00:03:09 ♪ Put this in your stereo ♪
49 00:03:10 ♪ Press play, now here we go ♪
50 00:03:14 Oh, hey, dudes.
51 00:03:15 'Sup, Virgin Megastore?
52 00:03:17 -[woman] Excuse me?-[Donnie] Oh, shit.
53 00:03:20 -Hey, Mrs. Abelar.-Hey.
54 00:03:21 Hi.
55 00:03:23 [sighs] Jeremy,what are you doing over there?
56 00:03:26 -[mouthing]-[Mrs. Abelar] Jeremy!
57 00:03:28 I can seeyou are jerking off the walking stick!
58 00:03:31 Mom, I'm packing.
59 00:03:32 Your dad and I are leaving in an hour,and I want you out of here ASAP.
60 00:03:36 Okay, I'm going!
61 00:03:37 Oh, God, I so need this vacation.
62 00:03:39 Six hours,I'll be in Napa with a Zinfandel.
63 00:03:41 [both] Bye, Mrs. Abelar.
64 00:03:43 Look who the fuck is back.
65 00:03:44 -[Sean] What's up, man?-[laughing] What's up, man?
66 00:03:47 Yo, you dogs ready to get...[softly] ...fucked up?
67 00:03:51 -Oh, yeah.-Show him the ID.
68 00:03:53 [in normal voice] It's a military ID.
69 00:03:54 [chuckling] 1991, dude.
70 00:03:56 -What? You buy stuff with this?-[Donnie] Fuck yeah, he does.
71 00:03:59 Jack Jessop reporting for booze.
72 00:04:01 You don't look like this guy.
73 00:04:03 This guy looks like a soldier.
74 00:04:04 -You look like Pocahontas.-[Jeremy scoffs]
75 00:04:06 -No one says shit to an Army ranger.-All right.
76 00:04:08 I found this outside the boothat the gun and knife show
77 00:04:11 when I was picking up this bad boy.Check it out. Check it out.
78 00:04:14 Huh?
79 00:04:15 -Whoa.-Oh, shit.
80 00:04:16 Hoo-rah!
81 00:04:17 -Pretty tight, huh?-Yeah, it's cool.
82 00:04:19 This is in case we run into any crazy shitout in the woods.
83 00:04:22 -Like, fucking crazy shit! Shit. Fuck!-Whoa, man!
84 00:04:25 -I'm-- Sorry, dude.-[Donnie] Come on, man.
85 00:04:27 I try to act like I'm riding a bike,but I still got the training wheels on.
86 00:04:31 -You feel me?-[Donnie] Yeah.
87 00:04:32 -Let's pack up the van.-Let's do it!
88 00:04:34 -Yeah, let's just get out of here.-[Sean] Let's pack it up. Hit the road.
89 00:04:38 [Donnie] Why are there so many bags?
90 00:04:40 -What is all this shit?-Oh!
91 00:04:42 Uh... Yeah,there's a slight change of plans, dude.
92 00:04:47 It sucks total donkey dick.
93 00:04:50 -Stop going through my shit, perv.-[Donnie] Sarah?
94 00:04:53 No. No. No!
95 00:04:55 No, no. No way.[chuckles] No, no, no.
96 00:04:57 -For real?-Why does this feel so awkward?
97 00:05:00 Jeremy, did you not tell themthat we were coming?
98 00:05:02 I was-- I'm telling them now.Like, they're learning of it right now.
99 00:05:05 -Are you kidding?-They're coming.
100 00:05:08 Welcome back, Sean.
101 00:05:10 Hey! Hey, what's up?
102 00:05:13 -Do you not hug people anymore?-[Sean] Oh, yeah, sorry.
103 00:05:15 -They don't hug in Germany?-[Sean] Yeah.
104 00:05:17 Welcome back. I mean, I'm back.You're not back.
105 00:05:20 I'm just back for the next week.Hey, Sarah, what's up?
106 00:05:22 Were you really in Germany?
107 00:05:23 There was a rumor you were in rehabfor bath salts.
108 00:05:26 -Everyone's talking about it.-What? No.
109 00:05:28 Nein! Nein! I was in Germany. Yeah.
110 00:05:31 Cool hiking gear.
111 00:05:32 [Sean] Hmm? Oh. What?
112 00:05:34 -How'd that get tucked in?-[Sarah] Stop!
113 00:05:36 -You're ruining my bra!-I don't care.
114 00:05:38 [Sarah] This shit's expensive. Stop!
115 00:05:40 Jeremy said we're going six miles into the woods.
116 00:05:43 Yeah!
117 00:05:44 Yeah. I'm glad you're coming, though.
118 00:05:45 It's gonna be worth itwhen you see me twerking
119 00:05:47 with Mother Nature. [chuckles]
120 00:05:49 Are you gonna be twerkingagainst a tree or...
121 00:05:52 -How does that work?-I don't know.
122 00:05:55 -[laughs]-[Donnie] Excuse me!
123 00:05:57 This is supposed to be a bros trip.
124 00:05:59 So I need a group meeting. Now! Sean!
125 00:06:02 -Sounds mad. Yeah.-I gotta go. Um...
126 00:06:06 Bye.
127 00:06:08 Hey, did you guys know that people thinkI've been in rehab?
128 00:06:10 -Yeah.-[Donnie] Yeah.
129 00:06:11 [stammers] Yeah, it's some bullshit rumor,dude. Forget about it.
130 00:06:15 Look, I'm feeling fucking betrayedwith you, J-Tron.
131 00:06:17 Chad and my sister broke up yesterday,
132 00:06:19 so she bailed on Cancunwith his family.
133 00:06:21 -That's fine.-[chuckles] Oh, what? They broke up?
134 00:06:24 -That sucks.-Yeah, she found out he cheated on her--
135 00:06:27 I don't care what happened.
136 00:06:30 I'm not going camping with my exthis weekend.
137 00:06:32 Wait,I thought you guys were never "official."
138 00:06:35 Yeah, that's one of our many disputes.Thank you, Sean.
139 00:06:39 Spring break. Indigonanza...
140 00:06:42 -is about bros. Bonding.-Uh-huh.
141 00:06:45 Ceremoniously drinking
142 00:06:46 a bottle of Indigo Caribbean Spiced Rumin 48 hours.
143 00:06:51 -That's the tradition.-This is true.
144 00:06:53 Plus, we only have Sean for one weekbefore he goes back to dipping his balls
145 00:06:56 in sauerkrautfor the rest of the school year.
146 00:06:58 That's not something we do.
147 00:06:59 All right.This is shitty for me too, okay?
148 00:07:02 My girlfriend freaked outwhen she found out
149 00:07:04 ladies were comingand I didn't invite her.
150 00:07:06 How many times do I have to tell you?You're being catfished.
151 00:07:10 Her name is Kendall Jenners.
152 00:07:13 With an S.
153 00:07:14 -Not real.-That's her name, okay?
154 00:07:17 She's real, all right?
155 00:07:18 We're gonna meet this summerat theater camp and we're gonna have sex.
156 00:07:22 Hey, actually, that reminds me, Sean.
157 00:07:25 This weekend might actually be your chanceto bang my sister.
158 00:07:29 -Whoa, whoa!-What the fuck?
159 00:07:31 She's my twin sister, okay?We have this special connection thing.
160 00:07:34 If she's having sex,it's like if I'm having sex.
161 00:07:37 -Dude, that's gro-- Don't say that! Now---Why not?
162 00:07:40 Why would you not want me to feel sex?Sex is great.
163 00:07:42 It's your fucking twin.
164 00:07:43 -Don't be disgust---[screaming]
165 00:07:45 -[Donnie] Jesus Christ!-Stop pouting in there, cheddar bush.
166 00:07:50 It's gonna be like thisthe whole fucking time.
167 00:07:53 [sighs] Scared me.
168 00:07:55 [girl] Here we go.
169 00:07:57 -[Sean] Bye!-[Sarah] Bye, Mrs. Abelar.
170 00:07:59 -[Jeremy] Bye!-Fuck you, Mrs. Abelar.
171 00:08:02 Don't say "fuck you" to my mom, man.
172 00:08:04 -We say "fuck you" to Mom all the time.-Well, yeah, but she's, like, our mom.
173 00:08:08 I just don't think any Abelar womanshould be disrespected…
174 00:08:12 like that.
175 00:08:14 [sighs] Yeah.
176 00:08:16 Ah, they're good kids.
177 00:08:17 -They're nightmares.-I know, hon. Let's go.
178 00:08:20 -They're my suicidal nightmares.-I know, I know.
179 00:08:25 ["Free Song" by Maria Taylor playingon radio]
180 00:08:28 ♪ ...to do what I want ♪
181 00:08:31 -[inhales sharply] Uh... [sighs]-♪ So free ♪
182 00:08:41 -♪ I'm free ♪-[softly] Uh, thanks, man.
183 00:08:42 [chuckles softly]
184 00:08:46 [in normal voice] Hey, um, I'm really sorry about Chad.
185 00:08:48 [clicks tongue] Thanks. [inhales sharply]
186 00:08:51 So, do you guys keep in touch at all?Or...
187 00:08:55 Oh, well, we broke up 17 hours ago.
188 00:08:58 So...
189 00:09:00 I'll keep you posted.
190 00:09:01 ♪ To show the love you lack ♪
191 00:09:06 -[cell phone vibrates]-♪ Even if nobody loves you back ♪
192 00:09:13 [sighs]
193 00:09:14 -[chuckles]-[Sarah] Hey!
194 00:09:17 Are you going to the Sadie Hawkins dance?
195 00:09:19 Oh, wow, really?
196 00:09:20 You know what, Sarah?I'm gonna have to think about it,
197 00:09:22 but thank you for asking.
198 00:09:23 Actually, I just wanted to warnwhoever you end up going with
199 00:09:26 that you shart during blow jobs.
200 00:09:27 -That happened one time!-Happened two times.
201 00:09:30 -You said you'd never---[Sarah laughing]
202 00:09:32 -Dog, you sharted mid-beej?-[all laughing] ♪ Got me ready
203 00:09:42 [Jeremy] All right. Stay in the van.Be cool. I got this.
204 00:09:45 Hoo-rah!
205 00:09:47 -♪ Now do it, do it, do it, do it ♪-[bell dings]
206 00:09:52 -[rock music playing on stereo]-What's up?
207 00:09:56 You got ID?
208 00:09:58 Blammo! [coughs]
209 00:10:03 [clerk] Hmm... Ranger, huh?
210 00:10:05 $47.65.
211 00:10:08 Military discount. [clicks tongue]
212 00:10:10 -[Sean] Stop. Wipe it on your dirty butt.-No! Not on my... Ah! Not on my butt!
213 00:10:14 Know what? Just keep the change.
214 00:10:15 -You have a great day. No receipt. Heh.-[bell dings]
215 00:10:19 ["Dougou Badia"by Amadou & Mariam playing]
216 00:10:23 ♪ Djamayo ounalyendé aounanaDougou badia dela ♪
217 00:10:32 ♪ Djamayo ounalyendé aounanaMogo gnana djé dela ♪
218 00:10:40 [laughs] That's not funny, man.
219 00:10:42 Yeah, you're great.Yeah, I'm just gonna put it in there.
220 00:10:45 All right, guys. Let's get theseSnow Mates ready for their cover shoot.
221 00:10:49 ♪ While they laugh and shake their headStill we coming in ♪
222 00:10:52 ♪ Now, love, you lead the wayWe go, go, go ♪
223 00:10:55 ♪ We go, go, go ♪
224 00:10:58 [inhales sharply] Ow.
225 00:10:59 -♪ Still we coming in ♪-Here.
226 00:11:01 ♪ We go, go, go ♪
227 00:11:04 ♪ We go, go, go ♪
228 00:11:07 ♪ Yeah ♪
229 00:11:09 [car alarm beeps]
230 00:11:12 ♪ Yeah ♪
231 00:11:13 ♪ Let it play, let it playLet’s make it a holiday ♪
232 00:11:16 ♪ Yeah ♪
233 00:11:18 ♪ Every day, every dayA party every way ♪
234 00:11:21 ♪ Yeah ♪
235 00:11:22 Jeremy, where are you taking us?
236 00:11:24 We're going deepinto Mother Nature's puss...
237 00:11:29 all the way up past the ovaries.
238 00:11:32 Whoo!
239 00:11:39 Kendall gets so wet for this shit.
240 00:11:42 -[camera shutter clicking]-I'm sure that he does.
241 00:11:53 [all panting]
242 00:12:07 Oh, this is it, dogs.
243 00:12:09 This is base camp.
244 00:12:10 -[all groan, sigh]-[Sean] Fucking finally! Jesus Christ.
245 00:12:13 [Sean whistling]
246 00:12:15 [Jeremy] Oh, here we go.
247 00:12:17 Here we go. Oh, what the fuck?
248 00:12:28 Fuck Chad, right?
249 00:12:29 [inhales sharply] Uh, yeah.
250 00:12:31 High school relationships are bullshit,anyway.
251 00:12:34 I just feel really embarrassed.
252 00:12:36 Yeah.
253 00:12:38 But what if you tried to just...
254 00:12:40 you know, do somethingto take your mind off of it a little bit?
255 00:12:47 You could hook up with Sean.
256 00:12:50 Come on, it might be fun just to hook upwith someone that's nice for a change.
257 00:12:54 Plus, you've always kind of liked him,and he got kind of hot in Germany.
258 00:13:00 [girl] I wouldn't say "hot."
259 00:13:02 I feellike he finished going through puberty.
260 00:13:05 [both laugh]
261 00:13:08 -You're blowing it with Becky.-Man, they just broke up.
262 00:13:11 This is the Rent cast partyall over again.
263 00:13:14 This is not like the Rent cast party.Okay? It's not like that.
264 00:13:17 Remember what happenedat the Rent cast party?
265 00:13:19 You sat on the couchsipping your Mike's Hard.
266 00:13:21 Her hand on your thigh.
267 00:13:23 You were on the couchand you squeezed his thigh.
268 00:13:25 Then I asked if he wanted to go smokeon the roof.
269 00:13:27 Wait, yeah, what did he say again?
270 00:13:29 I told her that I passed on grass.
271 00:13:32 Which doesn't make any sensebecause we smoke literally all the time.
272 00:13:36 They literally smoke all the time.
273 00:13:38 And you sat there watching as she left.
274 00:13:40 I just got up and left.
275 00:13:41 I told you that I couldn't stand upbecause...
276 00:13:44 -Maybe he just had a boner.-I had a boner.
277 00:13:46 Oh, ew.
278 00:13:48 Who gets a bonerfrom someone touching their thigh?
279 00:13:50 You're being cock blocked, literally,by your own cock.
280 00:13:52 I don't know, man. I can't control it.
281 00:13:54 She then goes upstairs,makes out with Chad,
282 00:13:56 and they've been fucking datingtill this moment.
283 00:13:59 The Rent cast party?
284 00:14:00 That was your chance to be with Becky,and you blew it.
285 00:14:02 -[Jeremy] Yeah, Donnie's right.-Thank you. Musical theater's
286 00:14:06 That's why me and Kendall are composingan R-rated musical
287 00:14:09 based on the songs of Britney Spears.
288 00:14:11 Dude, get this, all right? It's calledBlonde to Bald to Back Again.
289 00:14:14 Shit is gonna be so fucking tight, dude.I can't wait.
290 00:14:17 I mean, you remember Christmas Eve, right?
291 00:14:19 When I sang Kendallmy "Oops! I Did It Again" solo?
292 00:14:22 Dude, I had to Urban Dictionary the shitshe said she was gonna do to my body.
293 00:14:25 Oh, dude, I almost forgot.
294 00:14:28 I got you something, dude.It's for you and Becks.
295 00:14:30 It glows in the dark and shit.
296 00:14:32 [Sean] What? "The Fuck King Condom"?
297 00:14:34 Yeah. King of fucking, dude.
298 00:14:37 Or you can go raw, dog.I mean, I'm down to be an uncle.
299 00:14:41 Stop itwith the fucking your sister stuff.
300 00:14:43 As weird as this fucking guy is,he's right about one thing.
301 00:14:46 Becky's always had a thing for you.
302 00:14:48 No, that's 100% conjecture.
303 00:14:50 [stammers] I don't know.I'm slow-playing it, okay?
304 00:14:53 You're no-playing it.Be her rebound, okay?
305 00:14:55 Take off your practice sweatsand crash the fucking boards.
306 00:14:58 -Yeah.-[Donnie] Play dirty.
307 00:15:00 You think I didn't throw a few 'bowsto get where I am with Sarah?
308 00:15:03 What?Where do you think you are with Sarah?
309 00:15:05 You guys hate each other.
310 00:15:07 Donnie?
311 00:15:11 Drink up, bitch.
312 00:15:12 -[thuds]-[all groan] Oh!
313 00:15:14 -[Sean] Snap.-[Jeremy] Fuck!
314 00:15:15 What was that?
315 00:15:16 [Becky] Oh!
316 00:15:17 -Why?-[laughing]
317 00:15:19 Fuck!
318 00:15:21 Well, nature's great,but it's still spring break.
319 00:15:23 And I'm ready to rage.
320 00:15:25 Let the games begin.
321 00:15:27 Actually, Sarah, this is a bros tripthat you're intruding on.
322 00:15:30 Indigonanza's our thing.
323 00:15:31 So I'm gonna be the onewho officially starts everything off.
324 00:15:34 Okay.
325 00:15:35 -Let---Indigonanza begin.
326 00:15:38 [Donnie chuckles]
327 00:15:39 Okay. Let--
328 00:15:41 -Let Indigonanza begin.-This is my thing.
329 00:15:43 Guys, it's important to him, so... Let Indigonanza...
330 00:15:47 begin.
331 00:15:48 -[whoops]-[rap music plays]
332 00:15:50 I liked it better when she said it.
333 00:15:52 ♪ Turn down for what, turn down for whatTurn down for what ♪
334 00:15:56 ♪ We don't turn down for whatWe in VIP, yellin' ♪
335 00:15:58 ♪ More bottles, more bitches ♪
336 00:16:00 ♪ We all VIP, yellin'More bottles, more bitches ♪
337 00:16:02 ♪ We in VIP, yellin'More bottles, more bitches ♪
338 00:16:05 ♪ We in VIP, yellin'More bottles, more bitches ♪
339 00:16:08 ♪ Hey, more bottles of that rosé ♪
340 00:16:10 ♪ More redbones that look like Solé ♪
341 00:16:12 ♪ Booty fatter than a burritoFrom Chick-fil-A ♪
342 00:16:15 ♪ I'm trying to take that ass homeLike Triple-A ♪
343 00:16:18 [all laughing]
344 00:16:20 ♪ You better, you betterListen what the core say ♪
345 00:16:23 ♪ Turn down for whatTurn down for what ♪
346 00:16:25 ♪ Unless you turning herFace down and ass up ♪
347 00:16:29 ♪ More bottles, more bitches ♪
348 00:16:31 ♪ More bottles, more bitches ♪
349 00:16:34 ♪ More bottles, more bitches ♪
350 00:16:36 ♪ More bottles, more bitches ♪
351 00:16:39 [inaudible]
352 00:16:44 [Becky] I mean, look at him. [laughs]
353 00:16:47 [whispering] He's going to townon that trail mix.
354 00:16:49 Do you still have your bong bear?
355 00:16:50 Yeah, I do.
356 00:16:52 -[Sarah] Get over there and make a move.-[burps]
357 00:16:54 [whispering]You should fuck my sister.
358 00:16:57 -[in normal voice] I'm gonna piss.-Thanks for letting me know.
359 00:17:00 -[Sarah] Go get 'em.-[Becky] Okay.
360 00:17:01 -Nice ass.-[Becky] Okay. Fine.
361 00:17:05 [clicks tongue] Hey!
362 00:17:06 -Quit hogging that trail mix.-[Sean] Okay.
363 00:17:09 [Becky and Sean laugh]
364 00:17:12 -[Becky] Oh...-Coming in.
365 00:17:14 -[Sean] Beep, beep, beep.-No, that's enough. Thank you. [chuckles]
366 00:17:22 Uh, so did you hear about the--the bear thing?
367 00:17:27 -No.-Yeah.
368 00:17:28 Here's one right now. Oh!
369 00:17:30 -Whoa! What?-What?
370 00:17:32 -It's just a-- It's a bong bear.-The bear bong.
371 00:17:34 Bear bong! [chuckles]
372 00:17:37 Hey, if you wanted, we could...we could go hot box the tent later.
373 00:17:44 We could do that.
374 00:17:45 -I'm free now.-You're free?
375 00:17:47 Uh, that's kind of perfect,'cause I'm free.
376 00:17:49 -Yeah, our schedules lined up perfectly.-[laughs]
377 00:17:52 -Uh, let's go now.-Okay!
378 00:17:54 -Here we go.-Cool.
379 00:17:55 Oh, my God. Did you hear that?
380 00:17:56 Jeremy's talking to himself.We gotta fuck with him.
381 00:17:58 We gotta go.We gotta go right now. Let's go.
382 00:18:00 -Sorry.-[Jeremy speaking indistinctly]
383 00:18:03 Bye.
384 00:18:04 This knife is so sharp,
385 00:18:06 it can cut piss.
386 00:18:09 Oh, what's that?
387 00:18:10 -Are you pissing on this endangered fern?-[whispering] What the fuck is he doing?
388 00:18:14 Oh, shit, it's an anthill.[chuckling] I'd better get 'em.
389 00:18:18 Let's get him.
390 00:18:19 -We approach a wild teen.-You're dead!
391 00:18:21 -[blade slicing]-[screams]
392 00:18:34 -Oh, shit. I think I cut myself.-Did you-- Did you just...
393 00:18:37 -[spurting]-Oh, no!
394 00:18:39 Why-- why are you looking down there?
395 00:18:41 Keep your eyes above... No.What are you doing?
396 00:18:43 That's not okay. That's...
397 00:18:49 [all scream]
398 00:18:54 Where'd my dick go?Did you see my dick, Sean?
399 00:18:56 Sean, you didn't it?
400 00:18:57 What about you, Donnie?[crying] Did you see my dick?
401 00:19:00 -[gasps]-What is-- What is happening?
402 00:19:02 -I just cut off my dick.-Jeremy, is this a fucking prank?
403 00:19:05 Don't be stupid.Come on, show me your dick.
404 00:19:07 I cut off my dick, Becky!
405 00:19:08 -I cut my dick off!-[thunder rumbling]
406 00:19:13 -Oh, my God, it's not a prank.-[Sean] Help! Help him!
407 00:19:15 [Jeremy crying, moaning]
408 00:19:18 I don't think it'll be okay.
409 00:19:19 You'll be fine, man.We'll lay you down.
410 00:19:21 -[all grunt]-[Sean] Come on.
411 00:19:22 Here we go. Put this under his head.
412 00:19:24 Shit. That's a lot of blood, goddammit!That's a lot of blood.
413 00:19:27 -[groans] I'm gonna fucking die.-[Donnie] Jeremy's gonna die.
414 00:19:30 We can all stand here and have a meltdown or we can get our shit togetherand save Jeremy.
415 00:19:35 Oh, my God, I'm gonna die!
416 00:19:36 -We need to call 911, now.-[Sean] Yeah, get our phones.
417 00:19:39 -Kendall... theater camp.-[Sean] My phone's in the van.
418 00:19:43 -[Donnie] Don't die.-Fuck. I don't have any service. Do you?
419 00:19:45 -I don't.-Fuck. Me neither.
420 00:19:47 -I got nothing.-Fuck. You don't have service?
421 00:19:48 Just--Oh, give me one second to think.
422 00:19:50 Okay. I'm going to the top of the ridge.Give me your phones.
423 00:19:53 Okay. One of them has to have service,right?
424 00:19:55 -What's the passcodes?-3-5-3-2.
425 00:19:57 69-69, which is pretty ironic now.
426 00:20:00 -Mine's 0-0-4-7.-0-0-4-7.
427 00:20:03 -Go.-What's your passcode, Donnie?
428 00:20:04 -All ones, dude. All ones.-Okay.
429 00:20:06 Guys! Hey, guys, in times like these,we-- we gotta... Fucking...
430 00:20:10 -[Donnie] Just go!-[Sarah] Get out of here!
431 00:20:12 -[Sean] Yeah, I'm going!-[Becky] Oh, my God. Okay, Jeremy.
432 00:20:15 Someone...Someone needs to find the... penis.
433 00:20:19 -[Jeremy] Get my penis.-Okay.
434 00:20:20 -Get my penis.-[Donnie] Yeah.
435 00:20:22 Dude, I'm gonna get your fucking peen.
436 00:20:23 I'm taking this. I'm getting a flashlight.
437 00:20:25 -I'm gonna go with Donnie.-Yeah, I'll stay with Jeremy.
438 00:20:27 -It's gonna be okay, right? All good?-It's gonna be okay. Yeah.
439 00:20:30 You're gonna get my dick.I'm gonna get my dick back.
440 00:20:32 Yeah, we're gonna find it.
441 00:20:34 Just for scale, what am I looking for?Like half this? A-- a quarter?
442 00:20:38 I'm not gonna tell her how big my dick is.
443 00:20:40 -I'm gonna take it as a quarter.-[Jeremy groans]
444 00:20:42 If this doesn't work out, Becky,
445 00:20:45 -I'm gonna be your sister now.-Okay.
446 00:20:46 -You already have the hair for it.-Yeah.
447 00:20:52 Hey! That is a cliff.
448 00:20:54 All right. [clears throat] Okay.[panting]
449 00:20:58 Nope. All right, come on.
450 00:21:00 Crap. No, come on! Come on!
451 00:21:02 Come on! Bars! Bars! We got bars!
452 00:21:04 We got bars. Oh, baby mama.
453 00:21:06 All right. I can hear you now.
454 00:21:10 Fuck yeah.
455 00:21:11 [line ringing]
456 00:21:13 [operator] 911, what's your emergency?
457 00:21:15 Hello! Hello! Hello!
458 00:21:17 911. I have a medical emergency.I need a medevac pronto.
459 00:21:20 My friend has lost his penis.He cut it off. I think it was an accident.
460 00:21:24 Okay.
461 00:21:27 [Sarah] Okay. Come on. Okay.
462 00:21:30 -[Sarah and Donnie groan]-[Sarah] Fuck.
463 00:21:32 Shit!
464 00:21:34 [grunts]
465 00:21:36 -If I was a dick, where would I be?-You are a dick. That shouldn't be hard.
466 00:21:40 -[Donnie grunts]-Oh, my God.
467 00:21:41 -[Donnie] What?-Found it!
468 00:21:42 [Donnie] Where?
469 00:21:43 [Sarah] Oh.
470 00:21:45 It's a pine cone.
471 00:21:46 It's gotta be here somewhere.
472 00:21:47 I mean,how fucking far could this dick fly?
473 00:21:50 It could be anywherewithin a thousand-foot radius.
474 00:21:52 [operator] Okay, sir,I'm triangulating your current location.
475 00:21:55 -Uh...-[phone beeps]
476 00:21:57 "Hey, babe, I'm sorry I was an idiot.Where are you?"
477 00:22:01 "I bailed on Cancun.Are you at your house?"
478 00:22:03 -Oh, come on.-We're sending a medevac helicopter.
479 00:22:06 Okay, yes. Thank you.
480 00:22:07 [phone beeps]
481 00:22:08 "I want to make this work. I miss you.You're the shit."
482 00:22:15 Crash the boards, Sean.
483 00:22:18 Fuck Chad, man. Fuck you.
484 00:22:22 You're a...
485 00:22:27 dirty taint.
486 00:22:29 Fuck, yeah.
487 00:22:32 Shit.
488 00:22:33 Send.
489 00:22:34 [sighs]
490 00:22:37 Fucking send.
491 00:22:40 -Send it. Come on.-Did you get a signal?
492 00:22:42 [both scream, gasp]
493 00:22:44 -Oh!-Sean?
494 00:22:48 Please tell me that wasn't all the phones.
495 00:22:50 No, no.
496 00:22:52 -I mean, yes, it was...-It was.
497 00:22:55 ...all the phones.But, hey, hey, I called 911.
498 00:22:57 I talked to them. They're gonna senda medevac in 30 minutes.
499 00:23:00 -So... So that's good!-Okay.
500 00:23:02 -Yeah!-Let's go. Let's go.
501 00:23:03 That's-- All right.
502 00:23:06 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait, wait,wait, wait, wait, wait! Whoa!
503 00:23:09 It's a fucking mushroom, dude.
504 00:23:10 -Everything looks like a dick at night!-What is that?
505 00:23:14 Hmm?
506 00:23:14 Is that a piece of coyote scat?Are there coyotes here?
507 00:23:19 That's not shit.
508 00:23:21 [Sarah] What do you mean?
509 00:23:22 That's Jeremy's dick.
510 00:23:24 Oh, my God.
511 00:23:25 [retches]
512 00:23:31 Damn it.
513 00:23:33 I'm gonna get some sticksto pick that up with.
514 00:23:35 [groans]
515 00:23:37 -The medevac's on its way.-[sighs]
516 00:23:39 We got the dick!
517 00:23:40 -Yes.-And Sarah puked on it.
518 00:23:41 -[Sarah] Donnie!-Sean lost the phones.
519 00:23:43 [both] What?
520 00:23:44 First my dick, and now my 7, Sean!
521 00:23:48 Is my pee-pee okay?
522 00:23:49 -Okay. We gotta keep this warm.-Okay.
523 00:23:52 Where is it? I wanna see it. Where--
524 00:23:54 [Sarah] Warm it up, baby. Come on.
525 00:23:56 -Whoa!-What are you doing?
526 00:23:57 I'm keeping the capillaries open.Stop yelling at me.
527 00:24:00 You gotta put that on ice!
528 00:24:01 I don't know.They don't teach you this in health class.
529 00:24:03 My dick is on a stick! -Gotta put it on some ice.-Ice, ice!
530 00:24:11 [Becky and Sarah] Ew!
531 00:24:28 [sighs]
532 00:24:30 Do you think the helicopteris gonna find us?
533 00:24:35 I hope so.
534 00:24:37 Yeah, I do. Yeah.
535 00:24:40 [Jeremy]♪ I think I did it again ♪
536 00:24:45 ♪ I made you believe ♪
537 00:24:48 ♪ We're more than just friends ♪
538 00:24:52 [whispering] Is this normal?
539 00:24:53 It's from his Britney Spears musicalhe's writing with his fake girlfriend.
540 00:24:58 ♪ Oh, baby, it might... ♪
541 00:25:01 [Donnie and Jeremy]♪ ...seem like a crush ♪
542 00:25:06 ♪ But it doesn't mean ♪
543 00:25:09 ♪ That I'm serious ♪
544 00:25:14 [all joining in]♪ 'Cause to lose all my senses ♪
545 00:25:21 -[sniffles]-♪ That is just so typically me ♪
546 00:25:26 ♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪
547 00:25:28 ♪ Oops, I did it again ♪
548 00:25:33 ♪ I played with your heart ♪
549 00:25:36 ♪ Got lost in the game ♪
550 00:25:39 ♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪
551 00:25:41 ♪ Oops, you think I'm in love ♪
552 00:25:46 -♪ That I'm sent from above ♪-[helicopter blades whirring]
553 00:25:49 -Hey! Look at this!-[Jeremy] ♪ I'm not ♪
554 00:25:52 -Yes! Yay!-♪ That innocent ♪
555 00:25:55 -[all shouting]-[Sean] Over here! Come on! Hey!
556 00:25:58 -Wait. Where are you going?-[Sarah] Hey!
557 00:25:59 Oh, my God. It didn't see us.It didn't see us.
558 00:26:01 [Donnie] Okay.
559 00:26:02 -This. This'll get their attention.-What are you doing?
560 00:26:05 Fuck this! Everybody run.
561 00:26:07 -[Sean] What? Oh, my God.-[Sarah] Oh, my God. What? Yo! Yo!
562 00:26:10 [Donnie] Get your head down, Jeremy.
563 00:26:13 Fuck you, Donnie!
564 00:26:15 [screams] Oh... Okay.
565 00:26:18 Guys?
566 00:26:20 -What the fuck?-Guys!
567 00:26:23 Seriously?
568 00:26:24 Wow, Donnie, I am so impressed.This is some of your best work.
569 00:26:39 [screams]
570 00:26:41 Becky! Becky!
571 00:26:42 [shrieks]
572 00:26:43 -What the fuck!-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
573 00:26:47 -[Jeremy continues screaming]-Damn, that was dope.
574 00:26:49 -[Becky] You okay?-[Jeremy] No.
575 00:26:50 [Sarah] Holy shit. That was crazy.
576 00:26:52 -Oh, hey! It worked! Hey, we're here!-[all shouting]
577 00:26:55 -Let's get the dick. I got it. Let's go.-[Becky] Let's go, Jeremy.
578 00:26:58 -[Jeremy groaning]-[Sean] Oh, hey!
579 00:27:01 Hey, guys. Come on!
580 00:27:06 -[Sarah] Hey, look! Hey!-[Sean] Hey!
581 00:27:08 -[Donnie] Hey!-[Becky] Hi.
582 00:27:09 Hey!
583 00:27:13 We'll get him to East General Hospital,ASAP.
584 00:27:17 As long as it's within twelve hours,a severed member can still be reattached.
585 00:27:21 -Yes!-Okay, thank you.
586 00:27:22 [man] Your friends did a good job.You're gonna be okay.
587 00:27:24 [Becky] Thank you!
588 00:27:25 Whose idea was itto set off the fireball?
589 00:27:27 That was all me, dude.
590 00:27:28 You're a fucking idiot!
591 00:27:30 We saw you guys on our initial approach.
592 00:27:32 Hike down to your carand you can meet him at the hospital.
593 00:27:36 Okay. [laughing] Okay, okay. Hey.
594 00:27:38 You're gonna be okay. Yeah.We're gonna see you at the hospital, okay?
595 00:27:42 Becky, you need to shut the fuck up.You're wasting time. We gotta go.
596 00:27:45 Okay, yeah! Yeah!
597 00:27:46 -He's not gonna die!-He's gonna be fine.
598 00:27:49 -[whoops]-[Sean] Stay strong, Jeremy!
599 00:27:52 [Sarah] Bye, Jeremy.
600 00:27:57 Look. He's reverse-Terminator-ing.
601 00:27:59 That's epic.
602 00:28:03 Okay. He's gonna be okay.
603 00:28:05 -[laughs]-Oh, my God. Thank God.
604 00:28:12 -[giggles] He's good.-He's good.
605 00:28:16 -[all laughing]-[crying, sniffles]
606 00:28:20 Whoo!
607 00:28:43 -[Becky] He really lost a lot of blood.-[Sarah] Yeah, man, I'm covered.
608 00:28:46 Can I propose a little toastto the first responders?
609 00:28:50 -[Sean] Yes.-May the heroes that--
610 00:28:54 -Guys?-What?
611 00:28:56 -What?-Guys!
612 00:28:59 What? Ah!
613 00:29:01 -What is it? [gasps]-[Sarah] What? [gasps]
614 00:29:08 Sean?
615 00:29:09 You gave the EMT the wrong cooler?
616 00:29:12 No! No, no. No way.
617 00:29:15 -Wait. Wait, we have the dick!-Donnie, no!
618 00:29:18 -[Donnie] Wait! Come back!-[all shouting] Oh!
619 00:29:19 -[groans] Oh, shit!-[Sarah] The ice...
620 00:29:31 -[Donnie sighs]-[sighs]
621 00:29:33 We have my brother's dick.
622 00:29:35 With no ice and no phones.
623 00:29:38 -[Becky] We have 12 hours, right?-Yeah, I think the EMT meant if it's,
624 00:29:41 you know, on ice.
625 00:29:42 Oh, shit! Oh, wait. They-- they--
626 00:29:44 They also told us to hike down.
627 00:29:46 They probably don't thinkwe're here anymore.
628 00:29:47 Shit. Look, I'm willing to wait and see.
629 00:29:50 But by that time,Jeremy's dick is gonna be rotten
630 00:29:52 and have flies on it--
631 00:29:53 No, no, no, no, we can't freak out.Don't freak out.
632 00:29:56 We'll hike down.
633 00:29:57 We'll... We'll find someone with iceor a phone along the way.
634 00:30:01 And worst case,
635 00:30:03 we'll be back in the parking lotin, like, six or seven hours.
636 00:30:07 This is gonna work.
637 00:30:11 Yeah, okay, Becky's right.Let's do this.
638 00:30:13 This is gonna work.That's a good plan.
639 00:30:16 Okay, let's leave our shit.We'll move faster.
640 00:30:19 -Okay. It's gonna be a long way.-Okay, let's go.
641 00:30:21 [Sarah] Okay.
642 00:30:25 [man, echoing] Hey, stay with us.Don't head for the light!
643 00:30:29 Hang in there, buddy.
644 00:30:30 We got a male. Severed penis.Cut clean to the base.
645 00:30:33 -[woman] Oh, shit.-[man] What?
646 00:30:35 [woman] There's no penis.It's just two cans of Flittson.
647 00:30:38 My dick isn't in there?
648 00:30:39 Just cans. There's literally no penis.It's just two cans of beer.
649 00:30:43 [echoing] You guys, where's my dick?
650 00:30:52 [Sean] I don't think this is a good plan.
651 00:30:53 I told Becky it was. We've been hikingfor over an hour, and there's no one.
652 00:30:57 [Donnie] Of course it's not a good plan.There are no good plans in this situation.
653 00:31:00 Look, um... [sighs]
654 00:31:02 -Dude.-What?
655 00:31:03 -Uh, he texted her.-Who texted her?
656 00:31:05 -Chad.-What?
657 00:31:07 When I was calling 911from Becky's phone,
658 00:31:09 -[groans]-Chad texted,
659 00:31:10 and said he wantsto get back together.
660 00:31:11 -Rent cast party, man.-Yeah, I, um...
661 00:31:15 Oh, man, I think I fucked up.
662 00:31:16 I, like,I think I texted him back as her.
663 00:31:20 [Donnie] Whoa. That is epic.What did you say?
664 00:31:22 I said, "Fuck you,"and then I called him a dirty taint.
665 00:31:25 -[laughs]-Guys! Guys?
666 00:31:27 We're gonna stop and pee really quick.
667 00:31:29 Ginger Pablo Escobar,please keep your eyes downhill.
668 00:31:31 [Donnie] Ha! Hope you pee on your shoes.
669 00:31:34 People are noticing.
670 00:31:35 It still looks like you blewChester Cheetah.
671 00:31:37 -Oh, shit!-What?
672 00:31:39 -Is Donnie coming to perv on me?-[Becky] No.
673 00:31:41 Hey, Sean!
674 00:31:43 Sean, there's a ranger lookout station.They might have ice.
675 00:31:46 Hey, that's good.
676 00:31:47 That's awesome. Let's go.
677 00:31:49 -♪ I'm gonna win for you ♪-Sorry.
678 00:31:51 -♪ Like I know you want me to do ♪-Over there. Come on.
679 00:31:55 -♪ Hey! ♪-Let's go!
680 00:31:57 Let's go!
681 00:31:59 [Sean] Hello?
682 00:32:01 -Hello, anybody?-[Donnie] Hello?
683 00:32:04 -Hello?-Hello?
684 00:32:06 We need some help! It's an emergency!
685 00:32:08 -Excuse me?-Hello?
686 00:32:09 [Becky and Donnie] Hello?
687 00:32:11 Is anybody home?
688 00:32:12 Seems like we have to break intothis bitch.
689 00:32:14 What? We're not doing that.
690 00:32:15 I don't know.This is government property.
691 00:32:17 I feel like it would be...
692 00:32:18 a bad idea.
693 00:32:21 Damn.
694 00:32:23 But, yeah, you know,this is a time-sensitive case
695 00:32:25 so it's a good call. It's a good call.
696 00:32:33 -[all sigh]-[Donnie] Mm, it's empty.
697 00:32:35 [Sarah] Great.
698 00:32:39 [Donnie] Please have ice. Please have ice.
699 00:32:42 -[flies buzzing]-[Becky] Oh, dude. No, close that.
700 00:32:45 [coughs]
701 00:32:46 Well maybe there's still a phoneor radio or something, right?
702 00:32:49 -Yeah? Yeah.-Yeah. Okay.
703 00:32:56 -[rattling]-[screaming] Oh, my God!
704 00:32:58 Oh, my God!
705 00:33:00 [all gasp]
706 00:33:05 -[Sarah] Oh!-[Becky] No, no, no.
707 00:33:07 I think the rattlesnake bit the dick.
708 00:33:08 [Donnie] Oh, my God. A snake bit the dick?
709 00:33:11 We have to get the venom out somehow.
710 00:33:12 -Yeah. How do we do that?-We have to get it out.
711 00:33:14 Maybe if we shake it a lot,the venom will pour out.
712 00:33:17 No, we have to, uh...
713 00:33:21 Someone has to suck it out.
714 00:33:27 It seems only fair that the person who'shad that dick in their mouth do it.
715 00:33:33 Donnie,what the fuck are you talking about?
716 00:33:36 -I'm obviously referring to Becky.-What?
717 00:33:39 You guys shared a womb together,so obviously at some point in the dark...
718 00:33:43 -that dick went in your mouth.-This idiot.
719 00:33:45 -Are you fucking kidding me?-Fumbling around.
720 00:33:47 Donnie, I didn't suck his fetus peniswhen I was in the womb.
721 00:33:51 I am his sister.
722 00:33:53 I am obviously the last personto suck the dick.
723 00:33:55 -You're sucking before I do.-[Donnie] I'm sucking... [laughs]
724 00:33:57 I am not sucking my brother's dick.End of story.
725 00:33:59 The women should suck the dick.We don't even know how.
726 00:34:02 It's not even the same kind of sucking, you stupid idiot.
727 00:34:06 -[Donnie] I am not going to do it!-[Sarah] You should. This is your fault.
728 00:34:09 -[Becky] Yeah, you should.-I'll do it.
729 00:34:12 I'll do it! I'll do it! I'll suck it!I will suck the dick.
730 00:34:18 I lost the phones.
731 00:34:20 I gave them the wrong cooler.
732 00:34:24 I'll suck the penis.
733 00:34:26 -It's really cool of you. Thanks.-Yeah.
734 00:34:29 Just, uh...
735 00:34:31 I'd like to do it...
736 00:34:33 alone.
737 00:34:35 Yeah, you got it.
738 00:34:36 -I'll tell your story.-Okay.
739 00:34:38 You're a hero.
740 00:34:40 Yup.
741 00:34:48 You da man.
742 00:35:17 [gulps]
743 00:35:19 Thanks. [clears throat]
744 00:35:24 Man, we came all the way up herefor nothing.
745 00:35:28 I really fucked this up. I'm sorry.
746 00:35:32 What now? We're just gonna run downthis mountain and pray that J-Tron's D
747 00:35:35 doesn't fester before the car?
748 00:35:37 We've only been hiking for three hours.
749 00:35:40 That means we still have nine hours.
750 00:35:42 -That was before it got bit by a snake.-[high-pitched whining]
751 00:35:47 You guys hear that?
752 00:35:50 Dude, look!
753 00:35:52 [Becky] A drone?
754 00:35:54 Wait a minute. Wait.
755 00:35:56 If there's a drone,
756 00:35:57 that means there's a person,and they probably have a phone.
757 00:36:01 We should-- We should follow it.Let's go get Sean.
758 00:36:04 -Sean! Sean, there's a drone-- Oh!-[loud sucking]
759 00:36:06 [all screaming]
760 00:36:08 -[yelps] Don't look at me!-Sorry. Sorry.
761 00:36:10 Uh, it's just-- There's a drone,so there's people, and we need to go now.
762 00:36:14 Oh, my God. That's great. Okay. Um...
763 00:36:16 Just-- Stop looking.One second. I gotta... [sucks loudly]
764 00:36:20 I'm getting a lot of venomout of this thing.
765 00:36:22 [drone buzzing]
766 00:36:27 [Donnie] Hey!
767 00:36:31 Come here! [pants]
768 00:36:34 [Sarah] There. Get it.
769 00:36:35 [Sean] Stop!
770 00:36:37 [all panting]
771 00:36:40 -Where'd it go?-Does anybody see it?
772 00:36:45 Oh! There it goes.
773 00:36:47 I got this shit.
774 00:37:18 [inaudible]
775 00:37:22 [Sarah screams]
776 00:37:24 -[yelps] Sarah!-Oh, shit!
777 00:37:26 Fuck!
778 00:37:27 -Oh, my God! [gasps] Oh!-Fuck!
779 00:37:30 I got it! [laughs]
780 00:37:32 -[Becky] Are you okay?-[Sarah] Yeah, totally!
781 00:37:35 -There are people there. They have a boat.-[Donnie] Nice!
782 00:37:38 Watch this.
783 00:37:41 Let's get wet! [screams]
784 00:37:43 -[Sean] Oh, shit.-[Becky] Oh, my God.
785 00:37:47 -[laughing] Holy fuck.-Whoo!
786 00:37:49 Yeah!
787 00:37:51 -That was pretty cool.-Yeah.
788 00:37:53 Yeah. It looks easy.He made it look easy!
789 00:37:55 -Yeah. Do-- do you wanna go next?-Yeah!
790 00:37:57 Yeah, yeah. No, I'll go.
791 00:37:58 Hey, I get the feelingthat you maybe don't wanna jump.
792 00:38:02 So, uh, we can try to finda way to hike down.
793 00:38:05 -No, I wanna-- I want to go.-Okay.
794 00:38:08 Es geht um die Wurst, ja?
795 00:38:09 Which means "it's do or die" in German.
796 00:38:12 Actually,the literal German translation is,
797 00:38:14 "it's all about sausage," which is funny--
798 00:38:16 Are you making a dick joke right now?We, like, gotta go.
799 00:38:18 Yeah. Obviously. Yeah, okay. Let's do it.
800 00:38:20 -Let's do it.-All right.
801 00:38:21 I'm not gonna take the long way,I'm gonna take the Sean way, huh?
802 00:38:24 -Oh, shit!-[Becky] Oh, my God!
803 00:38:26 -Fuck! Oh, fuck.-[Donnie] Oh!
804 00:38:30 [screaming]
805 00:38:34 Yeah!
806 00:38:36 I'm good! I'm good! Whoo!
807 00:38:41 -[all panting]-So, the "Sean way" is going for
808 00:38:44 the maximum amount of painyou can inflict on your body?
809 00:38:47 No, no.Honestly, it didn't hurt that much.
810 00:38:49 It was actually really fun.I actually-- It was a fun ride.
811 00:38:52 -[Donnie groans]-Ooh. Oh, my God.
812 00:38:55 Dude, uh, your back is like...
813 00:38:58 red raw.
814 00:39:00 -[Sean wails]-[laughs]
815 00:39:03 [Sean, groaning] Oh my-- Oh, my God.
816 00:39:05 -[helicopter blades whirring]-Oh, fuck me.
817 00:39:07 You guys, look.
818 00:39:09 Huh?
819 00:39:11 -[Donnie] Oh! That's so dumb.-[all mumbling]
820 00:39:14 They fucking came back.And we're not there. That's awesome.
821 00:39:18 [screams] Ow!
822 00:39:21 -Damn it!-All right, man! Jesus. We're all mad.
823 00:39:24 No, the wind blew against my back.
824 00:39:27 It's okay. I'm fine.
825 00:39:29 -[screams]-[laughs]
826 00:39:30 What?
827 00:39:31 You guys, come on. Let's...Let's just keep going.
828 00:39:35 -[woman speaking indistinctly over PA]-[monitor beeping]
829 00:39:40 -The helicopter went back to the campsite.-Yes.
830 00:39:43 -But your friends weren't there.-No.
831 00:39:45 So, the doctor's gonna need to operatebefore this gets infected.
832 00:39:49 Okay. No, my friends,
833 00:39:51 they'll-- they'll get me my penis back.I know they will.
834 00:39:53 Okay, I know they will, too.If they don't, though, you'll be fine.
835 00:39:58 We can do a full penal reconstructionusing a graft from your forearm or glute.
836 00:40:02 The results are fantastic.
837 00:40:04 -Really?-Absolutely.
838 00:40:06 In addition to increased self-esteem,
839 00:40:08 most patients reportsuccessful ejaculation
840 00:40:10 in ten percent of sexual encounters.
841 00:40:12 On a pleasure scale,we're hitting mid- to high-threes.
842 00:40:15 Is that good?
843 00:40:16 Those numbers sound bad.
844 00:40:18 Well, in comparisonwith not having a penis,
845 00:40:21 I think those numbers sound great.
846 00:40:22 Okay. I will wait for my dick.
847 00:40:25 I have a strong dick.I know it'll last days out in the wild.
848 00:40:29 No.
849 00:40:30 Everyone thinks their penis is special.It's not.
850 00:40:32 Okay? It's like one of these flowers.Right?
851 00:40:37 If you remove it from the body,cut off its flow of blood,
852 00:40:41 and then eventually,if left on its own, it will wilt...
853 00:40:46 and die.
854 00:40:54 HBO's on Channel 3.
855 00:41:00 Come on, guys.
856 00:41:03 I know you're doing whatever it takesto get here as fast as you can.
857 00:41:08 [Sean] Hey, Becky!
858 00:41:09 [stammering] Hey, don't beat yourself upover the helicopter.
859 00:41:14 I think you're doing great.I've always thought you were really great.
860 00:41:17 [Becky] Uh, are you forgetting the timeyou totally rejected me?
861 00:41:21 [Sean] That never happened.I don't remember that happening.
862 00:41:24 [Becky] Come on.Remember the Rent cast party?
863 00:41:27 -Kinda made a move.-I... might remember.
864 00:41:31 I had a momentary crush on you.
865 00:41:36 -[Sean] You had a crush on me?-[Becky] I just thought--
866 00:41:38 [panting] Sean, emergency bro discussion.
867 00:41:40 -[Sean] One sec, man.-911, Sean.
868 00:41:42 -You better go. Sounds very important.-Sorry.
869 00:41:44 Sean, Sean, you are not gonna believewhat I found in the woods.
870 00:41:48 Wait till you feast your eyes on these.
871 00:41:52 What are those? Why do you have those?
872 00:41:54 When Sarah went behind that big bushto dry off or whatever,
873 00:41:57 I went after her, 'cause I needed to pee.
874 00:41:58 Okay, I find those waiting on a rock.
875 00:42:02 For me.
876 00:42:03 Knew she came to win me back.
877 00:42:05 What? Maybe she just didn't want to wearwet underwear, you psychopath.
878 00:42:09 That's like serial killer behavior.
879 00:42:11 Okay, these are a sign.
880 00:42:12 She wants us to be together.And you know what, Sean?
881 00:42:16 I'll tell you the truth.I'm ready to forgive her.
882 00:42:18 Forgive her for what?
883 00:42:19 Over Christmas break, usual spot,
884 00:42:21 abandoned churchmy grandma used to take me to.
885 00:42:23 Before we start hooking up,I throw around I want a DTR.
886 00:42:25 -She freaks out.-DTR?
887 00:42:28 You said you wanted dick to rim?
888 00:42:29 No. What?I wanted to "define the relationship."
889 00:42:32 -What the fuck is dick to rim?-I don't know. Butt stuff.
890 00:42:35 What has happened to you in Germany?
891 00:42:38 Anyway, I tell her I wanna DTR.
892 00:42:41 And she's all like,"Relationships are bullshit."
893 00:42:43 Then I feel like an idiot.I don't know what to do.
894 00:42:45 So I kick her out of a car...may or may not have been moving.
895 00:42:48 -Wow, that's really mean.-I also told her...
896 00:42:51 um, that I never liked her.
897 00:42:52 -[clicks tongue] Wow, man.-And she was gaining weight.
898 00:42:59 Sean! [whispering] This is a power play.
899 00:43:01 She wants me back.
900 00:43:02 [Sean] Come on, Donnie.The camp's around this bend.
901 00:43:06 -[Sarah] Hi! Hello. Hey, bud!-[Donnie] Hey, buddy.
902 00:43:09 -[Sean] Hey, there.-[Becky] Hey, hi.
903 00:43:10 -Oh, my God.-Okay.
904 00:43:12 -[Donnie] Whoo!-[Sarah] Hey.
905 00:43:14 I believe this belongs to you.
906 00:43:15 And I believe you're the bitchthat fucked it up!
907 00:43:19 -What now?-Whoa.
908 00:43:20 You better have cash to pay for this.
909 00:43:23 Okay, uh, where are your parents?
910 00:43:25 My dad went fly-fishing.
911 00:43:27 What about the boat? Where are the keys?
912 00:43:29 Because we're in an emergency,and we need some help.
913 00:43:32 All right. If I'm gonna give you the keys,then I wanna see some stuff.
914 00:43:37 -[laughing] Okay.-[laughs]
915 00:43:39 -No. Ugh.-We are not going to show you our boobs.
916 00:43:42 Bitch, please!
917 00:43:44 I'm 11, not five.
918 00:43:46 -I've seen thousands of titties.-[chuckles]
919 00:43:49 I wanna see you two scissor.
920 00:43:51 [gasps]
921 00:43:53 -[Becky] Yeah!-[Sean] Oh!
922 00:43:54 -Take that, you little perv. Gross.-That is inappropriate.
923 00:43:57 I'm not helping you with shit!
924 00:43:59 Stay the fuck away from me!
925 00:44:02 -Kid's a monster.-Jesus Christ.
926 00:44:05 I kind of love him, though.
927 00:44:06 Okay, if we're not outta here in, like, an hour…
928 00:44:08 -Jeremy will be dickless...-[Sarah] The rest of his life.
929 00:44:11 That's decades with no dick.
930 00:44:13 No. We need that boat.
931 00:44:15 Fuck this little baby Bieber wannabe.
932 00:44:17 [Sarah] What are you doing?
933 00:44:19 Listen here, you little terrorist.This is my brother's dick.
934 00:44:23 He's in the hospital right now,and he needs us.
935 00:44:25 We need your boat so we can getto the hospital to reattach it.
936 00:44:29 Listen, kid, when we're around,dicks get cut and dicks get sucked.
937 00:44:33 I saw him suck this dick.
938 00:44:34 I sucked that dick this morning.Now, give us the keys.
939 00:44:37 [shrieks]
940 00:44:40 [Becky] Yes!
941 00:44:41 [Sean] All right. Tell your dad the boat'sgonna be at the south campground lot.
942 00:44:45 Jesus, Sean,that dick really fucked him up.
943 00:44:47 He hasn't said a wordsince you showed him the dick.
944 00:44:49 What if he never talks again?
945 00:44:53 -[Sean] Whatever. Fuck this kid.-[Becky] The worst.
946 00:44:55 [Donnie] Piece of shit, anyway.
947 00:45:00 [man] Hey, buddy.
948 00:45:03 Son are-- Are you okay?
949 00:45:06 Dicks get cut.
950 00:45:09 Dicks get sucked.
951 00:45:13 -[Sarah] All right. I got you.-[Becky] Okay.
952 00:45:15 Good God. Hey!
953 00:45:17 -Hey!-Oh, shit!
954 00:45:19 -[Donnie] Oh, my God! Go!-Guys, we gotta go!
955 00:45:23 -Go! Shit! There's too many keys.-[Sarah] I'm getting the anchor.
956 00:45:26 Hello, sir, I can completely explainwhat's going on here.
957 00:45:29 What have you done to my son?
958 00:45:31 It's a good thing you're--Okay, fuck this.
959 00:45:33 [man] I'll kill all of you perverts!
960 00:45:35 -[Becky screams]-[man screams]
961 00:45:37 -[man grunts]-[shrieks]
962 00:45:40 -Hey, he has a bruise. Leave him alone.-[keys jingle]
963 00:45:42 [yelps] You're a fucker!
964 00:45:44 -Hit me again. I fucking dare you!-[grunts]
965 00:45:46 -[screams]-Oh, my God. Ugh. Go.
966 00:45:49 [Donnie] Let's go! Come on! Move!
967 00:45:51 [Sarah] I got it!
968 00:45:52 I'm gonna kill you, son of a bitch.
969 00:45:54 Back the fuck up!
970 00:45:55 -[laughs]-Oh, fuck.
971 00:45:58 Oh, God. It's slipping, guys!
972 00:46:00 Shit! He's Cliffhanger-ing!Oh, hold it, Sean.
973 00:46:04 -Fucker!-[groans]
974 00:46:06 -[Sarah] Oh, my God! Oh, my God.-I got it.
975 00:46:08 [motor whirs]
976 00:46:11 -[Donnie] Fucker!-[Sean] Auf Wiedersehen!
977 00:46:13 [man] Hey! That's my boat!
978 00:46:15 Come back with my boat!
979 00:46:17 -[chuckles] Holy shit.-[Sean] Whoo!
980 00:46:21 That was insane.
981 00:46:23 -That guy tried to murder us.-Yeah. He was crazy.
982 00:46:26 I mean, in all fairness,he probably thought we molested his kid.
983 00:46:29 I shouldn't have said,"Dicks get cut and dicks get sucked."
984 00:46:32 That was too much.
985 00:46:34 Nice going, pinch hit.
986 00:46:36 [chuckles] Yeah, thanks.I learned from the best.
987 00:46:41 When you nailed me in the headwith a beer can.
988 00:46:44 Oh, yeah. [laughs] That was awesome.
989 00:46:47 [both laugh]
990 00:46:49 By the way, I got your sign and...message received.
991 00:46:55 -My sign?-Yeah.
992 00:46:58 Look familiar?
993 00:47:01 If I'm wearing your underwear,that means you're not wearing any.
994 00:47:06 Those aren't my underwear.
995 00:47:08 Oh, my-- Oh, my God. Man, that's gross.
996 00:47:11 -Okay, don't tell anyone.-[Sarah chuckles] I--
997 00:47:13 I really appreciate that you tried.
998 00:47:16 I think we're actually gonna make itto the hospital in time.
999 00:47:19 -We're a good team.-[chuckles] Yeah.
1000 00:47:22 -["Ruff Ryders' Anthem" playing]-♪ Stop, drop ♪
1001 00:47:25 -Yeah!-[Donnie] Yeah.
1002 00:47:27 -Oh, yeah.-♪ Oh ♪
1003 00:47:29 Time to cooler it up. Whoo!
1004 00:47:31 -[all exclaim]-♪ That's how Ruff Ryders roll ♪
1005 00:47:34 -Whoo! Yeah!-♪ Stop, drop, shut 'em down ♪
1006 00:47:37 -♪ Open up shop ♪-[Sean] Whoo!
1007 00:47:39 ♪ Oh, noThat's how Ruff Ryders roll ♪
1008 00:47:44 [Donnie] Let's find Jeremyand get some ice.
1009 00:47:46 -[Sean] Get that dick to the hospital!-[Sarah] God! Donnie!
1010 00:47:48 Oh, my God.
1011 00:47:49 It's all crumbed. Like a churro.
1012 00:47:52 -[Becky] Oh, my God. We made it!-Let's go get some ice.
1013 00:47:55 Yes!
1014 00:47:57 ♪ Shut 'em down, open up shop ♪
1015 00:47:59 -[Becky] Let's go! Let's go!-[horn honks]
1016 00:48:01 [monitor beeping]
1017 00:48:04 I have read the literature,and I've come to the conclusion
1018 00:48:08 that I do not fucking want this, okay?
1019 00:48:11 -I don't want a butt dick.-Hey!
1020 00:48:13 Don't you yell at me. I'm not the onewho got drunk and... Pfft.
1021 00:48:16 Ob-- Obviously, you don't have a dick.
1022 00:48:19 No, I don't have a dick!
1023 00:48:21 No one in this room has a dick.
1024 00:48:25 Right?
1025 00:48:26 -Yeah.-Okay.
1026 00:48:35 Let's hope they're on their way.
1027 00:48:42 [Sean] Think we should callyour parents?
1028 00:48:43 What's your mom's number?
1029 00:48:46 Uh, it's... Uh...
1030 00:48:49 [clicks tongue] I don't know it.
1031 00:48:51 -At all? No?-No. Mm-mm.
1032 00:48:52 I don't know. I just programmed theminto my first phone. I was 11.
1033 00:48:56 We can maybe check if they left a messageon your phone.
1034 00:48:59 [Becky]Don't leave a message, just text me.
1035 00:49:02 [automated voice]You have one new message.
1036 00:49:04 [guy] Fuck you, Becky.You're the taint.
1037 00:49:08 -Is that Chad?-You hear me?
1038 00:49:09 -Um...-You're the real taint.
1039 00:49:11 I'm glad this is over.
1040 00:49:12 You deserve to be alone.
1041 00:49:14 I want you to take that note I wrote youour four-month anniversary and burn it.
1042 00:49:18 I don't mean any of that anymore.
1043 00:49:19 -[banging on phone]-Ah!
1044 00:49:20 You made me so mad,I dropped my vape!
1045 00:49:23 You owe me a new vape, Becky.You hurt my feelings, dawg.
1046 00:49:26 [phone beeps]
1047 00:49:29 Becky, um,I have to tell you something.
1048 00:49:32 When-- Um...
1049 00:49:33 -I'm really sorry, but...-What? No, no. It's not your fault.
1050 00:49:38 It's just really fucked up
1051 00:49:39 how someone you thought caredabout you can lie to your face.
1052 00:49:46 Yeah. Yeah.
1053 00:49:47 [engine revving]
1054 00:49:52 [tires squeal]
1055 00:49:55 Wow. Damn.Girl, you are a really good driver.
1056 00:49:59 -[chuckles] Thanks.-God. You're like a young Furiosa.
1057 00:50:11 [tires screech]
1058 00:50:14 All right, man, we gotta get this dickon life support.
1059 00:50:17 -We need bags and ice.-Oh, my God, dude.
1060 00:50:19 This looks like a cat shat in a cooler.
1061 00:50:20 -Oh, shit.-Ugh.
1062 00:50:22 Should we... Should we clean it?
1063 00:50:23 I'm fucked if I know.What do you even clean a dick with?
1064 00:50:26 Doxycycline.
1065 00:50:29 Or a Z-Pak.
1066 00:50:31 I've had everything in the book.It works. Trust me.
1067 00:50:34 Which one of you's is it? You?
1068 00:50:37 You?
1069 00:50:39 Or is it the ranger?
1070 00:50:40 Yeah, actually it is for the--the young, uh, ranger.
1071 00:50:44 We need stuff to clean his wound.
1072 00:50:46 A wounded soldier?
1073 00:50:48 Um... We need to clean his, uh...
1074 00:50:56 [softly] Penis.
1075 00:50:57 Three inches. Severed at the base.
1076 00:51:00 I've seen this before.
1077 00:51:02 You have?
1078 00:51:03 It would be my honor and a privilegeif I could do this for you.
1079 00:51:10 -Let's do it.-Okay.
1080 00:51:11 [chuckles softly] Let's do it!
1081 00:51:15 All right, let's go.
1082 00:51:16 [Donnie] He's been in this situation.
1083 00:51:17 If we're gonna trust someone,it might as well be this guy.
1084 00:51:19 [classical music playing]
1085 00:51:23 Whoa, whoopsie.
1086 00:51:29 [swishes]
1087 00:51:41 [inhales sharply]
1088 00:51:49 His dick's gonna be even better.
1089 00:52:03 Wow.
1090 00:52:05 [man] Fresh ice. Good as new.
1091 00:52:08 Oh, wow.
1092 00:52:11 That is amazing.
1093 00:52:13 -[man] Yup.-[chuckles softly]
1094 00:52:14 -Thank you.-My pleasure.
1095 00:52:17 Good luck, soldiers.
1096 00:52:18 -Hey, yeah.-[man] Oh, hey.
1097 00:52:20 If you need anything, this is my card.
1098 00:52:24 -Let your sergeant know what happened.-Absolutely. Will do.
1099 00:52:27 Yeah. What the hell's that?
1100 00:52:30 It's just my wallet.
1101 00:52:32 -[Donnie] Ow!-Crestview High School.
1102 00:52:36 Junior.
1103 00:52:39 The hell's going on here?
1104 00:52:40 [chuckles]It's just a really old high school ID.
1105 00:52:43 Says it's from this year.
1106 00:52:44 -Does it? Mm-hmm.-[man] Yeah.
1107 00:52:46 -[Sean] Okay.-[Donnie] Fuck.
1108 00:52:49 [man grunts]
1109 00:52:50 Did you boys lie about being servicemenso you could buy alcohol?
1110 00:52:53 [Sean] No. No, absolutely not.
1111 00:52:55 There is no way we would ever lie. It's...
1112 00:53:02 Our-- Our friend Jeremy, he lied.
1113 00:53:05 [yells] You mean,I just cleaned a civilian dick?
1114 00:53:08 -I am so, so sorry.-Stay cool, man.
1115 00:53:11 -Get the hell over here!-Fuck.
1116 00:53:13 -Go, dude! Go!-Come back here.
1117 00:53:15 [man grunts]
1118 00:53:17 [Donnie and Sean screaming]
1119 00:53:18 [Donnie] We have got to go!
1120 00:53:21 He looks mad!
1121 00:53:22 -[Sean] Go!-[Becky] Oh, come on. Okay.
1122 00:53:24 -Here it is! Unlock!-Unlock the door, Becky.
1123 00:53:26 -[Becky] I'm pressing unlock.-[Sarah] Open the door.
1124 00:53:31 [both scream]
1125 00:53:32 Shit! He's got a fucking bow and arrow!Go!
1126 00:53:34 The only dicks that I touchare mine and my husband's.
1127 00:53:39 [Sean] Go! Shit!
1128 00:53:40 -Go, go, go, go, go, go!-[tires squeal]
1129 00:53:43 Hey!
1130 00:53:44 [Sarah] Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
1131 00:53:46 -[Sean] That was crazy.-[Sarah] God.
1132 00:53:48 [panting] Oh, my God. Holy shit.
1133 00:53:50 [panting] Guys, we made it.
1134 00:53:52 [screams]
1135 00:53:53 [all screaming]
1136 00:53:55 -Oh, my God!-Oh, my God! Holy shit!
1137 00:53:58 Fuck you!
1138 00:53:59 Yeah, fuck you!
1139 00:54:01 -Holy fuck! Are you okay?-Ow...
1140 00:54:03 [stammers] You look okay.Looks like just the tip went in.
1141 00:54:05 Come on, Donnie. You love just the tip.
1142 00:54:08 Fuck, that's really funny,but not right now.
1143 00:54:10 -[Sarah chuckles]-[groans]
1144 00:54:13 Did you say Kendall Jenners? With an S?
1145 00:54:16 We're supposed to meetfor the first time this summer.
1146 00:54:18 That name is like Catfishing 101.
1147 00:54:21 Why does everyone say that?
1148 00:54:22 She likes to text.She doesn't like talking.
1149 00:54:24 That is definitely a catfish.
1150 00:54:26 Okay, look. Anyway, if I'm gonna die,
1151 00:54:30 [sighs] I need her to know...that I love her.
1152 00:54:33 You're not gonna die.You just won't have a penis.
1153 00:54:36 I'd rather die than not have my penis.
1154 00:54:38 We've waited all day.
1155 00:54:40 It's been almost 12 hours.
1156 00:54:41 We haven't heard anythingfrom your friends.
1157 00:54:43 -Yeah, but there's still time.-Nah.
1158 00:54:46 Look at the flower. Look.It still has most of its petals.
1159 00:54:49 What? No. Dude-- The flower...
1160 00:54:52 that was an example.
1161 00:54:54 Did you think that that flowerwas magically linked to your penis?
1162 00:54:59 This isn't Beauty and the Beast.
1163 00:55:01 But me and my friends are fucking idiots.They're gonna need more time.
1164 00:55:05 Honestly, it's not looking good.
1165 00:55:08 So, let's just hope your friendsare arriving right now.
1166 00:55:11 [tires screech]
1167 00:55:15 [panting]
1168 00:55:17 Hi! Hi! We're here for Jeremy Abelar.
1169 00:55:20 We have a-- a special delivery.
1170 00:55:23 Uh, one moment. [stammers]
1171 00:55:25 -Abelar? Abelar.-[Becky] Abelar. Yes.
1172 00:55:27 A-B- Oh-- Ooh...
1173 00:55:28 I just gotta go back here.
1174 00:55:31 [sighs] That's it.
1175 00:55:33 Ah! Yep.
1176 00:55:35 Ah, we don't have a patientunder that name.
1177 00:55:38 Uh, the helicopter EMT saidthey would be bringing him here.
1178 00:55:41 I don't know what to tell you.He's not here.
1179 00:55:43 They sometimes reroute medevacs.
1180 00:55:45 I'd try Clarkson Memorial.They have a helipad.
1181 00:55:53 [echoing] Fu...
1182 00:55:56 [tires screeching]
1183 00:56:00 ...ck!
1184 00:56:01 [panting] Let's go.
1185 00:56:06 Go, go, go, go, go!
1186 00:56:09 Everybody, listen up!
1187 00:56:11 There is a penis in this cooler!
1188 00:56:13 Are we in the right place or what?
1189 00:56:15 Is that the penis?
1190 00:56:16 -Yes! Yes!-Thank God. Yes.
1191 00:56:18 Oh! We didn't think you guys were gonna make it.
1192 00:56:21 -The penis is here!-[nurse grunts]
1193 00:56:23 Page the anesthesiologist.I want to get into surgery immediately.
1194 00:56:26 -[Becky and Sean] Yes!-[doctor] Hey!
1195 00:56:30 You guys did good.
1196 00:56:32 Ooh! Also, it got bit by a snake.
1197 00:56:34 I sucked it pretty good,but you should still check for venom.
1198 00:56:41 [doctor] Prep the OR!
1199 00:56:42 Goddamn hero.
1200 00:56:44 -Yes!-[all giggle, exclaim]
1201 00:56:47 -[Sean] Yes! Oh, God.-[Donnie] Ow! Oh, ow!
1202 00:56:49 -Someone's thumb went in my hole.-You okay?
1203 00:57:00 -[sighs]-You can scoot closer.
1204 00:57:04 -[chuckles softly]-You're kind of far away.
1205 00:57:06 [groans] Yeah.
1206 00:57:07 [sighs]
1207 00:57:11 Hey, thank you for your shirt, also,by the way.
1208 00:57:14 Oh, yeah, no problem.
1209 00:57:15 -[Sean] It's comfortable. It smells good.-Looks great on you.
1210 00:57:18 Thanks.
1211 00:57:27 Hey, um, you know what? Uh...
1212 00:57:30 Remember at the Rent cast party?
1213 00:57:35 -Mm-hmm?-I actually had a crush on you, too.
1214 00:57:44 [sighs]
1215 00:57:46 You-- you did?
1216 00:57:49 Yeah.
1217 00:57:50 Yeah, also momentarily.
1218 00:57:54 -Um...-Right.
1219 00:57:56 Yeah, I mean...
1220 00:57:58 I don't know.
1221 00:58:05 Wow, the Fuck King?
1222 00:58:08 -[chuckles softly]-The Fuck-- Are you the Fuck King?
1223 00:58:11 Uh, no, that's not me.I'm not the Fuck King.
1224 00:58:14 -Just a fuck prince.-I wouldn't even...
1225 00:58:16 I think I'm more of a jester.
1226 00:58:18 -You're a fuck jester.-Yeah.
1227 00:58:20 That's-- that's more fun.
1228 00:58:21 You wanted to use it at the hospital here?
1229 00:58:24 Well... Um...
1230 00:58:27 [clicks tongue]
1231 00:58:28 Jeremy actually gave it to meto use with you.
1232 00:58:33 -And I said, "That's crazy."-That's really weird.
1233 00:58:36 -[Sean] I'm on the same page. It's weird.-I'm his sister.
1234 00:58:38 So it's not really mine.
1235 00:58:40 -Ew! Ew!-I know! I know!
1236 00:58:42 -Why?-Yeah.
1237 00:58:44 -The Fuck King? Come on.-I know. It's weird.
1238 00:58:46 I mean, it's not like you stillhave a crush on me.
1239 00:58:53 Do you still have a crush on me?
1240 00:58:58 -[woman] Excuse me.-Wha--
1241 00:58:59 Come with me.The doctor would like to see you.
1242 00:59:01 -[Becky] Okay, yeah, great. Let's go.-Yeah, let's go.
1243 00:59:04 [Becky] Um... Donnie. Hey.
1244 00:59:08 The doctor wants to see us. Let's go.
1245 00:59:10 -Okay.-Were you just...
1246 00:59:12 God damn.
1247 00:59:15 -Sean. Let's go.-Yeah.
1248 00:59:18 Yeah. Yeah, I'm on my--Yeah, I'm on my way.
1249 00:59:23 -What's your problem?-[Sean] Nothing.
1250 00:59:25 I lost something. I can't remember...
1251 00:59:28 if I...
1252 00:59:30 -Sean, do you have a boner?-I don't have a boner.
1253 00:59:33 Just my back hurts, and...
1254 00:59:35 So...
1255 00:59:36 basically every time you touch Sean,he gets a raging bonie.
1256 00:59:42 See? I told you. You give him boners.
1257 00:59:44 [Sean] What?
1258 00:59:47 I don't have a bonie.
1259 00:59:48 [seat squeaks]
1260 00:59:51 Did you just fart?
1261 00:59:52 No, it was the seat.
1262 00:59:53 Oh, my God. Do you have the fartsand a boner?
1263 00:59:56 -I don't have farts or a boner. [scoffs]-[Sarah] One of those is a lie.
1264 01:00:00 -Let's... You got it. You got it.-Do you, buddy.
1265 01:00:04 -Thank you.-Shocking, man.
1266 01:00:06 Thanks.
1267 01:00:09 [seat squeaks]
1268 01:00:13 [grunts, inhales sharply]
1269 01:00:19 Good news. Surgery went perfectly.
1270 01:00:22 -[sighs]-Oh, my God.
1271 01:00:23 Well, not perfectly.
1272 01:00:25 But as good as we could have hoped.
1273 01:00:27 We have a successful reattachment,and your friend's gonna be fine.
1274 01:00:30 What about the snake venom?
1275 01:00:33 There was no venom in the penis.
1276 01:00:34 Yeah, man. You sucked that shit out.
1277 01:00:36 -[both whoop]-[doctor] No.
1278 01:00:38 -There was never any venom in the penis.-Huh?
1279 01:00:42 It's impossible to suck venomout of a bite wound.
1280 01:00:45 It was a defensive bite.
1281 01:00:47 Whatever, man.
1282 01:00:48 -Don't listen. He doesn't know shit.-Yeah.
1283 01:00:50 Right. I'm just a doctor.
1284 01:00:52 Anyway, your friend whose dick you suckedfor no reason
1285 01:00:56 is gonna be under a bit longer,but you can go in and see him.
1286 01:00:59 Sure he'd love to wake upto some friendly faces.
1287 01:01:04 Salty.
1288 01:01:05 -[sighs]-[chuckles nervously]
1289 01:01:09 Here we go. All right.
1290 01:01:11 [Becky] Let's do it.
1291 01:01:24 Who's this?
1292 01:01:28 Um, hi, excuse me. Nurse.
1293 01:01:30 The doctor told us the wrong room.We're looking for Jeremy Abelar.
1294 01:01:34 Jeremy... Abelar.
1295 01:01:37 No, we don't have a Jeremy Abelarin recovery.
1296 01:01:40 The doctor told us that he transferredfrom surgery.
1297 01:01:43 Let's make this simpler. It's the guythat got his wiener reattached.
1298 01:01:46 Yeah. That's him. Reginald Knudson.
1299 01:01:48 -No, no, no.-The other person for a severed penis.
1300 01:01:51 Yeah. [chuckles]
1301 01:01:53 If there was somebody else herewith a severed penis, trust me, I'd know.
1302 01:01:57 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
1303 01:01:58 If-- if Jeremy's not here, then...
1304 01:02:02 We gave someone else Jeremy's penis.
1305 01:02:05 [Sean] What?
1306 01:02:07 That's our friend's dick?
1307 01:02:09 That's our friend's dick.
1308 01:02:10 -That's our friend's dick! Oh, my God.-That right?
1309 01:02:13 -What kind of fucking hospital is this?-Security!
1310 01:02:16 [groans]
1311 01:02:18 -You have my friend's penis.-[nurse grunts]
1312 01:02:20 [Donnie] Hang on for one second.It's a simple mistake.
1313 01:02:22 It's an honest mistake, I'm sure.But you guys have the wrong penis, okay?
1314 01:02:25 You have the wrong penis and...
1315 01:02:28 [groans] You all saw that!You're witnesses!
1316 01:02:31 -Are you okay?-That's a felony!
1317 01:02:33 All right, we need to figure outif there's a head of the hospital
1318 01:02:36 and explain the situation and see if--
1319 01:02:38 And what?They'll just grow him another dick
1320 01:02:41 with their magic dick-making machine?
1321 01:02:43 -[sighs]-[Donnie grunts]
1322 01:02:44 -I'm not just gonna give up.-You have no idea where Jeremy is.
1323 01:02:48 It's pretty obvious we're done.
1324 01:02:49 That's awesome, Donnie.
1325 01:02:50 Sarah, I'm sorry.Can you tell your boyfriend or whatever
1326 01:02:53 to stop throwing a little baby boytantrum right now.
1327 01:02:57 Maybe I should be more like you.Right? Manipulate things.
1328 01:03:00 Make 'em go my way.Like what you did with the medevac.
1329 01:03:04 -Shut the fuck up.-What are you talking about?
1330 01:03:06 Uh, while your brother was lying there,maybe about to die, uh...
1331 01:03:10 Sean was pretending to be youand texting Chad from your phone.
1332 01:03:14 [Becky] Sean.
1333 01:03:16 Sea-- Sean?
1334 01:03:18 Are you serious?
1335 01:03:20 -You---It was-- It was an accident. I was--
1336 01:03:23 How is texting my boyfriendas me an accident?
1337 01:03:26 You guys weren't eventechnically together.
1338 01:03:27 What? What? What did you say?What did you say to him?
1339 01:03:31 I said, "Fuck you. We're done."And then I called him "dirty taint."
1340 01:03:36 Wow.
1341 01:03:37 -Yeah.-Um, okay.
1342 01:03:39 The-- the voicemail?
1343 01:03:43 [sighs] The voicemail he sent me.
1344 01:03:46 I, um... I need to... I need to go.[sniffles]
1345 01:03:50 -I'm sorry. I need to borrow your phone.-No. What the hell?
1346 01:03:52 You do not want to fuck with meright now!
1347 01:03:56 Just messaging Chadand telling him to pick me up.
1348 01:03:59 Becky...
1349 01:04:04 [Becky] Of course, he's online. Okay.
1350 01:04:06 He's coming to pick me up.
1351 01:04:08 Thank you.
1352 01:04:09 Sarah, let's go.
1353 01:04:18 Becky! Becky! [sighs]
1354 01:04:21 Becky.
1355 01:04:24 Use the twin connection.
1356 01:04:27 Find me.
1357 01:04:28 If you can hear me, please hurry upand come and save me.
1358 01:04:32 [clears throat]
1359 01:04:33 Becky!
1360 01:04:34 Nope, it's me Darlene. Hello.
1361 01:04:36 Um, so...
1362 01:04:38 we got you an operating room.
1363 01:04:40 I'm telling you, lady.
1364 01:04:42 My friends are close.
1365 01:04:43 And I'm telling you, it doesn't matterif they're close.
1366 01:04:45 By now, unless your penis somehow gotfresh, oxygenated blood in it,
1367 01:04:52 it's dead.
1368 01:04:53 No, no, no, no! Don't. [sobs]
1369 01:04:57 Oh, my God.
1370 01:04:59 There's no point in waiting any longerfor trash to arrive.
1371 01:05:03 [sighs] Okay, fine.
1372 01:05:06 Let's do the butt-skin dick.
1373 01:05:07 A graft is no longer an option.
1374 01:05:09 -What?-Do you smell that?
1375 01:05:11 You know we don't serve blue cheesein the cafeteria, right?
1376 01:05:14 That-- that is...
1377 01:05:16 That's your hole.
1378 01:05:17 I'm sorry.
1379 01:05:19 The anesthesiologist will be in shortly.
1380 01:05:26 Wow. So this is really happening.
1381 01:05:32 I can't believe I shat on your chanceswith Becky.
1382 01:05:34 [sighs] Yeah, it's my own fault.I'm a fucking idiot.
1383 01:05:38 Uh, no.
1384 01:05:40 Also, I'm really sorry I started the rumorabout you going to rehab for bath salts.
1385 01:05:45 What? That was you?
1386 01:05:46 I feel like we both now knowI have problems with abandonment.
1387 01:05:49 -Yep.-[man] I can't believe
1388 01:05:50 I found a dick in the sewer.
1389 01:05:52 Believe it, young'un.You just got your dick cherry popped.
1390 01:05:55 Gonna need a new cooler.
1391 01:05:57 -[man] Fuck.-[Donnie] Dude.
1392 01:05:58 -[Sean] Yo. Yo, yo, yo.-They have the redneck's dick.
1393 01:06:02 If...
1394 01:06:04 we can get it to the doctor...
1395 01:06:07 then the doctor can reattach itand we can get Jeremy's penis back.
1396 01:06:11 We haven't been good friendsto each other.
1397 01:06:13 -I feel like I've been a good friend---But...
1398 01:06:15 we can be best friends for Jeremy.
1399 01:06:18 Let's do it.
1400 01:06:27 -[door shuts]-[monitor beeping]
1401 01:06:31 Hey, man.
1402 01:06:33 Who the hell are you?
1403 01:06:35 -I said no visitors.-Uh, I'm really sorry.
1404 01:06:38 There's something that you should knowabout...
1405 01:06:41 your penis.
1406 01:06:43 Er, I mean, it's not your penis...
1407 01:06:46 You have our friend Jeremy's penis.
1408 01:06:48 What the hell are you talking about?
1409 01:06:50 -They put our friend's penis on you.-Yes, they did.
1410 01:06:53 Like, not like when I was out,they put your friend's dick on my face--
1411 01:06:57 I don't know, maybe that happened.But then they sewed it on you.
1412 01:07:03 You're gonna see right awayit's our friend Jeremy's penis.
1413 01:07:07 [gasps] Oh, my God.
1414 01:07:10 That is not my dick.
1415 01:07:11 That's not your dick.It's what I said.
1416 01:07:13 Why? Why? Why is it so ugly?
1417 01:07:15 -[Sean] Yeah.-Oh, my God.
1418 01:07:17 Where did they find this? A little Navajo boy?
1419 01:07:20 It's a normal-looking dick.
1420 01:07:21 Once the swelling goes down,it's gonna get smaller?
1421 01:07:23 Are you fucking kidding me?How am I supposed to work with this?
1422 01:07:27 Ugh. You two again? Hey!Am I gonna have to call security?
1423 01:07:30 Oh, hey, it's Dr. Malpractice.
1424 01:07:32 Guess what? You sewed the wrong dickonto the wrong body.
1425 01:07:35 If you don't want us to fuckyour world up, you listen.
1426 01:07:37 Two water sanitation workers just cameinto the hospital with his dick.
1427 01:07:41 -What? My real penis is here?-Yeah, man.
1428 01:07:43 [Donnie] What we need you to dois reattach 'em.
1429 01:07:45 Guys... [scoffs]You don't just pop 'em on and off.
1430 01:07:49 It's a delicate operation.
1431 01:07:52 It's not a fucking LEGO set.
1432 01:07:54 That dick is staying on that body.
1433 01:07:56 Are you trying to tell methat I'm stuck with this...
1434 01:08:00 -this thing?-Hey, man.
1435 01:08:03 That thing...
1436 01:08:04 that fucking thing...
1437 01:08:06 belonged to a goddamn majestic person.
1438 01:08:09 And you need to respect
1439 01:08:11 that you got a part of my friendon you now forever.
1440 01:08:15 Okay? You got a piece of Jeremy.
1441 01:08:17 It's a good dick.
1442 01:08:20 You need to honor that penis.
1443 01:08:22 And bring it as much joyas Jeremy brings us
1444 01:08:26 every time you take it out.
1445 01:08:28 Because it belonged to a great dude.
1446 01:08:31 The best.
1447 01:08:33 You guys seem likesome really good friends.
1448 01:08:37 I wish I would have listened to my buddies
1449 01:08:39 when they told methat Cheryl was a psycho bitch.
1450 01:08:42 Never would have let her tie me up.
1451 01:08:44 I thought she just wanted to get freaky.
1452 01:08:46 -Maybe do some butt stuff.-That's awesome.
1453 01:08:49 Anything goes, you know?
1454 01:08:51 She put on her sexy littleJuicy Cooter slip.
1455 01:08:57 Got my rod all hard.
1456 01:08:58 Cool.
1457 01:08:59 She started licking all up in my ear,you know.
1458 01:09:03 Saying sexy sweet nothings and whatnot.
1459 01:09:05 And she leans in and she whispers...
1460 01:09:09 "I know about you and my sister."
1461 01:09:14 Yeah, and then she whips outa pair of scissors... and bam!
1462 01:09:17 She snips my dick clean off.
1463 01:09:19 -Yep.-And then she flushed it.
1464 01:09:21 -[gags]-She flushed my pee-pee like a poo-poo.
1465 01:09:24 She sounds like one bag of trash.
1466 01:09:27 [Reginald] Yep.
1467 01:09:28 You know what the craziest part is?
1468 01:09:33 I still love her.
1469 01:09:35 There it is.
1470 01:09:36 You know, I know it's justa dirty toilet dick but, doctor...
1471 01:09:41 I'd like to give these two young menmy old penis.
1472 01:09:45 -That's awesome.-You know, that might work.
1473 01:09:47 Yeah. Because...
1474 01:09:51 everybody deserves a second chance.
1475 01:09:54 [woman, crying] Even me?
1476 01:09:58 Cheryl.
1477 01:10:00 Oh, baby. I'm sorry, baby.
1478 01:10:03 Baby, I'm so sorry.
1479 01:10:05 No, baby, I'm sorry.I don't know what I was doing.
1480 01:10:08 I don't know what I was thinking.
1481 01:10:10 I just went in. I-- I grabbed 'emand I snipped it.
1482 01:10:15 You got through it real easy, too. I was surprised.
1483 01:10:18 Can you ever forgive me?
1484 01:10:20 If I could suck it back on, I would.
1485 01:10:23 I know it was the drugs.I know it was the drugs.
1486 01:10:25 You know it was the drugs.
1487 01:10:27 -Baby.-Yeah?
1488 01:10:28 -And how about a little kiss?-[Reginald] Yeah, okay. [pants]
1489 01:10:32 That feels good.Little kisses of an angel.
1490 01:10:34 -Yeah. It's okay.-Oh, my God.
1491 01:10:38 -Baby. Oh, I love you so much.-I love you so much.
1492 01:10:41 -Let's go.-Oh, Jesus.
1493 01:10:42 -[Cheryl] You're my king.-[Reginald] The scepter has been repaired.
1494 01:10:45 [Cheryl] When's little Reggiegonna be ready for me to...
1495 01:10:47 Hey, guys! Guys, guys! Look...
1496 01:10:51 I think they can attach Reginald's penisto your friend.
1497 01:10:54 Okay? It's in the cold storage.One floor up, end of the hall.
1498 01:10:57 Take my key card.
1499 01:10:59 -Why aren't you coming?-"Why aren't you coming?"
1500 01:11:01 How about I don't want to get sued?If they ask, I'll tell them you stole it.
1501 01:11:05 Wow. That's so great of you.You're so nice.
1502 01:11:07 -[groans]-[Donnie] Oh!
1503 01:11:09 Oh, Scheiße!
1504 01:11:10 What the fuck did you do that for?
1505 01:11:11 So they believe we stole the key card.I don't know. I have a super fucking sensitive nose,
1506 01:11:17 -[Cheryl exclaims]-[Reginald, screaming] Why? Why?
1507 01:11:20 Oh, my God!
1508 01:11:22 -Holy shi---Oh, my God!
1509 01:11:24 She cut it off again!
1510 01:11:25 I did, 'cause you don't deserve no cock,you cheating son of a bitch.
1511 01:11:29 Oh, you fucking crazy ho bag!
1512 01:11:32 -Whoa, whoa, whoa! We need that!-It's my cock!
1513 01:11:34 It's my dick. [grunts]
1514 01:11:37 -[laughing, grunting]-[grunts]
1515 01:11:40 -[doctor] Jesus!-Oh!
1516 01:11:42 You know what I'm gonna do?I'm gonna cut it up
1517 01:11:44 like a little three-year-old's lunch.
1518 01:11:46 -She will do it. Trust me.-[Cheryl] I'll do it. I'm crazy!
1519 01:11:49 -[hisses]-[Sean] Oh! You're crazy, lady!
1520 01:11:52 [Cheryl grunts, yelps]
1521 01:11:53 Ow! Where'd she go?
1522 01:11:55 -[panting] Where is she?-[screams]
1523 01:11:57 Oh, my God. [screams]
1524 01:12:00 -Oh, fuck!-What the fuck?
1525 01:12:01 I don't care how many times you reattach it, Reggie.
1526 01:12:05 I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna cut it off,
1527 01:12:09 and I'm gonna flush it every time.
1528 01:12:12 -Don't you dare.-[Sean] Get it, Donnie! Get it, Donnie!
1529 01:12:14 [Reginald] She'll do it.
1530 01:12:16 -[Donnie] Cheryl, give me that.-[Cheryl screaming]
1531 01:12:19 -[Donnie groans]-[groans]
1532 01:12:22 -[crunches]-[screams]
1533 01:12:24 -Oh!-[Donnie groans]
1534 01:12:26 [screaming]
1535 01:12:28 -Blow it down! Blow the dick down.-[splashing]
1536 01:12:31 [Donnie gurgling]
1537 01:12:32 I got you now.
1538 01:12:35 -Whoa! Whoa! [grunts]-[yells]
1539 01:12:38 -Wait a minute, baby!-What?
1540 01:12:40 [crying] I love you.
1541 01:12:42 I love you too, Reggie.Why do you think I'm doing all this?
1542 01:12:46 -Security!-[yells]
1543 01:12:47 -[grunts]-[groans]
1544 01:12:48 -[Cheryl] Mission accomplished, bitch!-God damn it!
1545 01:12:51 -[gurgling]-[Sean] Oh!
1546 01:12:55 [crying]It was just supposed to be camping.
1547 01:13:00 -Oh, fuck.-I'm gonna pick it up.
1548 01:13:03 I'm gonna flip it like dog poop. [grunts]
1549 01:13:09 Well, boys, I guess you get your wish.You got your friend's dick back.
1550 01:13:12 Thanks! Let's go. Come on.
1551 01:13:15 Good luck, boys!
1552 01:13:17 Oh, shit.
1553 01:13:18 -[monitor alarm beeps]-[sputtering]
1554 01:13:21 You okay?
1555 01:13:25 -Oh, hey, it's the girls. It's the girls.-What?
1556 01:13:31 Hey. What's going on?
1557 01:13:34 We-- we have Jeremy's penis. [chuckles]
1558 01:13:36 Thought it got sewn on to that other guy.
1559 01:13:39 -Oh, it-- It did.-Well, yeah.
1560 01:13:40 -[car honking]-[stereo playing]
1561 01:13:48 'Sup, babe?
1562 01:13:49 [scoffs] It's fucking Chad.
1563 01:13:59 Here. Take-- take it. [sighs]
1564 01:14:04 I know you're done with me,but the receptionist said there are five other hospitals
1565 01:14:08 We're gonna drive around and call aroundand see if we can find out where he is.
1566 01:14:12 And if we figure it out before you...
1567 01:14:16 I will text you. I'll text... Chad.
1568 01:14:20 As me this time, not as you.
1569 01:14:25 Do it.
1570 01:14:26 You know what, I am really sorry that I sent that text.
1571 01:14:30 But you deserve to be with somebodywho respects you.
1572 01:14:36 Not somebody who cheats on you.
1573 01:14:40 You're amazing, and I really like you.
1574 01:14:43 And I've always liked you.
1575 01:14:45 [stammering] And not...always... I haven't...
1576 01:14:48 I don't, like, like you like a lot.Like a lot, a lot.
1577 01:14:51 I just think you're cool,and I think you think I'm cool,
1578 01:14:53 and that we're cool together.And it's cool that we...
1579 01:14:56 have this thing and--
1580 01:14:58 You know, I am not trying to make...[stammers]
1581 01:15:01 [coughing]
1582 01:15:08 God. Oh, no, no, no, no.No. No, no, no.
1583 01:15:10 Don't worry, I put it in a baggielike dog shit.
1584 01:15:13 [Becky] It's still pretty gross.
1585 01:15:14 -Ugh.-[coughs] Sorry.
1586 01:15:18 Ugh.
1587 01:15:21 [sighs]
1588 01:15:22 Anyway, I'm really sorryabout everything and...
1589 01:15:27 I hope that you can forgive me.
1590 01:15:30 [exhales deeply] Yeah.
1591 01:15:34 -[sighs]-[horn honks]
1592 01:15:36 -Come on down, babe. Let's go.-[Becky] Great.
1593 01:15:39 One sec.
1594 01:15:41 Why the fuck did I message Chad?
1595 01:15:45 Come on. Let's go.
1596 01:15:47 -We're going to save Jeremy.-[Sarah sighs]
1597 01:15:52 You guys coming or...
1598 01:15:54 What? So, my speech was good?
1599 01:15:58 [scoffs] No.
1600 01:15:59 But, hey,I think I got what you were trying to say.
1601 01:16:02 You messed up. You're sorry.I deserve respect.
1602 01:16:06 We like each other.
1603 01:16:08 Yeah.
1604 01:16:10 I got it.
1605 01:16:12 -Cool.-Let's go get Jeremy his dick back.
1606 01:16:16 -[both] Yeah!-Whoo!
1607 01:16:20 -'Sup, babe?-Sorry, Chad, we're broken up. Bye.
1608 01:16:22 -[Donnie] 'Sup, Chad?-What the fuck? Are you serious?
1609 01:16:25 I drove all the way out here!
1610 01:16:27 Your loss, Becky.
1611 01:16:29 I even got a fake IDso we could drink margaritas in Cancun.
1612 01:16:33 -Wait. Holy shit. Stop the car.-What?
1613 01:16:35 -[Sarah] What?-Stop the car. Stop.
1614 01:16:36 -I know how to find Jeremy.-How?
1615 01:16:38 Jeremy bought us booze on the driveout to the mountains.
1616 01:16:41 So, what?
1617 01:16:42 The military ID was the one in his wallet. His fake!
1618 01:16:45 Oh! The hospital admitted himunder the name on his fake ID.
1619 01:16:49 -Jack motherfucking Jessop!-[all laughing]
1620 01:16:52 What the fuck?
1621 01:16:53 -[Donnie] Holy shit.-I'm calling it in.
1622 01:16:55 -Which hospital? You said there were five.-East General. The first place. -[phone ringing]
1623 01:17:01 Hi, can you connect us to Jack Jessop,please?
1624 01:17:05 One moment.
1625 01:17:08 [keyboard clacking over phone]
1626 01:17:13 [nurse] And connecting you now.
1627 01:17:14 -Yes.-Yes! No, yes!
1628 01:17:17 [all laughing]
1629 01:17:19 [man] Just relax.
1630 01:17:22 And count back from 100.
1631 01:17:23 We'll be back shortly to take youinto the OR.
1632 01:17:27 [phone ringing]
1633 01:17:32 [grunts softly]
1634 01:17:34 -Hello?-Jeremy!
1635 01:17:37 Jeremy!
1636 01:17:38 Becky, where are you guys?They're trying to sew up my nub.
1637 01:17:40 No, no, no! Tell them no.We're gonna be there soon, okay?
1638 01:17:43 Please tell me you have my pee-pee.
1639 01:17:45 We have it!
1640 01:17:46 -Yes.-Please, I just want my pee-pee back.
1641 01:17:49 -Stop calling it your pee-pee.-The doctor, Becky.
1642 01:17:52 He said it's too late.
1643 01:17:55 They pumped me with a lot of drugs,and now they're taking me to surgery.
1644 01:17:58 -Ooh, no, no, no, no, no.-No, no, no, no, no.
1645 01:18:00 Don't. Hold off.
1646 01:18:01 -Nurse. Nurse.-We're gonna be there really soon.
1647 01:18:04 -Do not let them take you into surgery.-Hi, Grandpa.
1648 01:18:08 [busy signal beeps]
1649 01:18:09 -Oh, shit.-[Sean] We gotta go.
1650 01:18:11 -Yeah, we gotta.-We gotta go. We gotta go.
1651 01:18:16 [man] Oh! He is out.Let's get him into surgery.
1652 01:18:21 Say night-night to The Danish Girl.
1653 01:18:29 [brakes screech]
1654 01:18:31 [Sean] Let's go!
1655 01:18:34 Come on!
1656 01:18:35 [choir sings "Oops, I Did It Again"]
1657 01:18:40 ♪ Oops, I did it again ♪
1658 01:18:44 ♪ I played with your heartGot lost in the game ♪
1659 01:18:49 ♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪
1660 01:18:51 ♪ Oops, you think I'm in love ♪
1661 01:18:55 ♪ That I'm sent from above ♪
1662 01:19:00 ♪ I'm not that innocent ♪
1663 01:19:05 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeahYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1664 01:19:09 No!
1665 01:19:10 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeahYeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1666 01:19:15 ♪ I think I did it again ♪
1667 01:19:18 ♪ I made you believe ♪
1668 01:19:21 ♪ We're more than just friends ♪
1669 01:19:24 ♪ Oh, babyIt might seem like a crush ♪
1670 01:19:29 ♪ But that doesn't mean ♪
1671 01:19:31 -[man] Hey, stop those kids!-♪ That I'm serious ♪
1672 01:19:35 -♪ 'Cause to lose all my senses ♪-[shrieks]
1673 01:19:41 ♪ That is just so typically me ♪
1674 01:19:45 ♪ Ooh, baby, baby ♪
1675 01:19:47 -♪ Oops, I did it again ♪-[distorted] Crash the boards!
1676 01:19:50 -[groans]-♪ I played with your heart ♪
1677 01:19:53 ♪ Got lost in the game ♪
1678 01:19:56 ♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪
1679 01:19:57 ♪ Oops, you think I'm in love ♪
1680 01:20:00 Yes!
1681 01:20:01 ♪ Got sent from above ♪
1682 01:20:05 ♪ I'm not that innocent ♪
1683 01:20:09 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1684 01:20:11 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1685 01:20:14 ♪ Yeah, oh! ♪
1686 01:20:18 ♪ I'm not that innocent ♪
1687 01:20:22 Stop! Stop the surgery! I have the dick![panting]
1688 01:20:36 Oh, shit.
1689 01:20:38 [monitor beeping]
1690 01:20:40 Um, excuse me?
1691 01:20:47 I think this belongs to him.
1692 01:20:59 Look, I'm really sorry that I freaked outwhen you tried to ask what our deal was.
1693 01:21:07 But if you're still interested,maybe we could DTR sometime.
1694 01:21:09 Yes.
1695 01:21:11 What? [coughs] Yeah. No, yeah.
1696 01:21:13 -That was a really quick answer.-What?
1697 01:21:15 That'd be cool.
1698 01:21:18 I can't wait, Sarah.
1699 01:21:23 Me too, Donnie.
1700 01:21:28 Just to clarify, we're talkingabout "dick to rim,"
1701 01:21:30 not "define the relationship," right?
1702 01:21:36 I'm kidding.
1703 01:21:43 [Becky] Well, this is probablymy last moment of freedom.
1704 01:21:46 As I'll be groundedfor the rest of my life.
1705 01:21:49 I'm really sorry your parentsare gonna kill you.
1706 01:21:51 Oh, no. It's fine.
1707 01:21:52 I mean, the rest of this yearis gonna be super boring, anyway.
1708 01:21:56 Someone I know is going back to Germany.
1709 01:22:07 -Uh... nope.-Oh.
1710 01:22:09 Uh, I'm sorry, I just...
1711 01:22:12 I just remembered that you hadmy brother's dick in your mouth earlier.
1712 01:22:16 Uh, so maybe...
1713 01:22:19 maybe we should wait.
1714 01:22:20 Okay, yeah.
1715 01:22:22 That makes sense.
1716 01:22:23 -Totally makes sense. I'm on board.-Cool.
1717 01:22:26 [kisses]
1718 01:22:27 -[chuckles]-[kisses]
1719 01:22:30 -Don't.-Oh.
1720 01:22:31 -[laughing] Still got dick lips.-Still... Yeah.
1721 01:22:33 -[chuckles] Dick mouth.-Yeah.
1722 01:22:37 -Can you smell the dick? Okay.-No. No, no, no.
1723 01:22:39 -It's just the image of it. Yeah.-Right.
1724 01:22:52 [grunts]
1725 01:22:58 -Jesus. What do you have in here?-I got a lot of stuff. I got books.
1726 01:23:02 Books on what?
1727 01:23:03 -Books on Germany.-Don't they have those books in Germany?
1728 01:23:06 -All right, this is it.-Yeah.
1729 01:23:10 Really think your brother'sgonna miss you, bro.
1730 01:23:12 -Yeah, I know what you mean.-[Donnie laughs]
1731 01:23:14 -[moaning on TV]-Make it stop!
1732 01:23:16 -Make it stop!-What the fuck? Seriously? Again?
1733 01:23:19 -It's so good!-Stop!
1734 01:23:20 [Donnie] You have to protect your Wi-Fi,Mr. Floyd.
1735 01:23:23 I don't know how!
1736 01:23:25 -Turn it off, man.-[horn honks]
1737 01:23:28 [Sean] What? Is this my ride?
1738 01:23:30 -What?-What is this thing?
1739 01:23:35 -Hey.-Hey.
1740 01:23:37 -Ready to go?-Yeah! Oh, yeah.
1741 01:23:40 Sean, good luck finishing rehab.
1742 01:23:42 -Ha!-Thank you.
1743 01:23:43 [Donnie and Sarah chuckle]
1744 01:23:45 I know I said I'd drive you to the airport, just us,
1745 01:23:47 but someone got out of the hospital early.
1746 01:23:49 [hip-hop music playing]
1747 01:24:01 What's up?
1748 01:24:03 Dude!
1749 01:24:04 -[laughs] Cool.-That's so sick.
1750 01:24:05 What's up, dogs?
1751 01:24:07 Jeremy insisted that our parents rent him
1752 01:24:10 -a wheelchair van.-[imitates engine revving]
1753 01:24:12 It's like we have a dumb Stephen Hawkingjust rascaling around the house.
1754 01:24:15 -Heh.-[in robotic voice] I cut my dick off.
1755 01:24:17 Fucking pimp, right?I look like Professor X.
1756 01:24:20 "Scott, you're a chump.
1757 01:24:21 Logan's been tapping Jean since day one."[chuckles]
1758 01:24:24 [chuckles] Oh, yeah.
1759 01:24:26 Hey, Sean, also, don't tell Kendallabout S-ing my D.
1760 01:24:29 She's already pissed she can't be ridingthis dragon, you feel?
1761 01:24:32 Right, yeah, she would be pissedif she were real.
1762 01:24:43 Hey, guys. I'm Kendall.
1763 01:24:45 Jennersss.
1764 01:24:49 Thanks for making sure Little Jmade his way back home.
1765 01:24:52 -Little J.-Oh, our pleasure.
1766 01:24:54 -She calls it Little J? Disgusting.-[Kendall] I gotta give you two kisses.
1767 01:24:57 -Okay. Two more kisses, but just two.-Okay.
1768 01:25:00 Kendall, I told you just two!You're gonna rip the stitches.
1769 01:25:03 I'm sorry, I just love you so much.
1770 01:25:05 Why did you fuck with the ramp?
1771 01:25:06 You gotta get back in.We're going to the airport.
1772 01:25:09 Fuck me! All right, yeah.
1773 01:25:10 -Let's get back in the van.-Come on.
1774 01:25:12 Nice meeting you guys.
1775 01:25:13 -Get back in the van.-[Sean] Let's roll.
1776 01:25:15 -[Jeremy] Okay.-You got this. Come on, babe.
1777 01:25:17 Bye, Jeremy's girlfriend. Hope you enjoyhis Franken-peen when it's healed.
1778 01:25:21 [chuckles] Franken-peen's funny.
1779 01:25:23 -Good, right?-[Kendall] Come on. Keep it up.
1780 01:25:25 I love you, babe.
1781 01:25:26 -[Jeremy] I love you too, babe.-[Kendall] #metoo, babe.
1782 01:25:29 So, I could drive you to soccer practiceif you wanted.
1783 01:25:34 Yeah.
1784 01:25:35 Maybe we can stop bythe church parking lot on the way.
1785 01:25:38 [exhales] Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Yeah.Thank you. Is it weird to say thank you?
1786 01:25:43 -[chuckles] Little bit.-Yeah, it's strange.
1787 01:25:45 All right.
1788 01:25:47 So I wanted to...
1789 01:25:49 give you something...
1790 01:25:50 when I dropped you off at the airport,but now we got these two tagging along.
1791 01:25:54 Ah, bummer.
1792 01:25:55 Yeah,but what I wanted to give you was, um...
1793 01:26:01 Give you this.
1794 01:26:03 Oh. [chuckles]
1795 01:26:04 [both] The Fuck King.
1796 01:26:06 What is the Fuck Kingwithout his condom crown?
1797 01:26:08 Wow. Returns.
1798 01:26:10 -Mm-hmm.-I don't know... I don't know why I...
1799 01:26:14 Right, yeah.
1800 01:26:20 -Oh, my God.-[huffs]
1801 01:26:23 [Donnie] You knowwe can see you, right?
1802 01:26:25 [Sarah chuckles]
1803 01:26:26 Yo, Jeremy, Sean's tonguing your sisterpretty hard right now.
1804 01:26:30 What? Hold on. I'm missing it.I'm missing it. Hold up.
1805 01:26:32 [Donnie] You know he had a dickin his mouth?
1806 01:26:34 Yeah, well, in 20 minutes, I'll have a dick in mine.
1807 01:26:37 ["Bad Ones" playing]
1808 01:26:39 What? What? Really?
1809 01:26:42 No.
1810 01:26:44 Great. Thanks.
1811 01:26:46 ♪ If I was one of the good ones ♪
1812 01:26:48 -[Jeremy] Yo, can you see them?-[Kendall] I can't, babe.
1813 01:26:50 [Jeremy] I gotta get out.
1814 01:26:51 -[Sarah] Becky!-[Donnie] Go, Sean. Take it horizontal.
1815 01:26:53 -[Sarah] Stop making out with him!-[Jeremy] Okay, I'll just do it myself.
1816 01:26:57 [Sarah] Oh, my God.He's gonna get a boner.
1817 01:26:59 -[ramp buzzes]-[Donnie] Yeah! [Jeremy groans]
1818 01:27:02 -[Kendall] Babe?-[Jeremy] Wait.
1819 01:27:03 -[Sarah] Jeremy!-[Donnie] Get back in the car.
1820 01:27:06 -Jeremy, get back in the car.-[Sarah] You're gonna get dirty.
1821 01:27:08 [Jeremy] Get it, Becky!This is her choice.
1822 01:27:10 [Donnie] Jeremy,it's not like you can't walk.
1823 01:27:12 -Your legs are fine.-[Sarah] What are you doing? Oh, my God!
1824 01:27:16 [Jeremy] Hips! Use those hips, girl!
1825 01:27:18 [Sarah] Jeremy, stop beingso fucking weird. It's your sister.
1826 01:27:21 [Kendall] Oh, my God, babe.How's Little J?
1827 01:27:24 -Oh, my God.-[Jeremy] I'm gonna grab my own ass.
1828 01:27:27 And then, Becky,tell me if you feel it, too.
1829 01:27:29 -[Sarah] There's no twin connection, dude.-[Jeremy] Oh, here we go.
1830 01:27:32 [Kendall] It's beautiful.
1831 01:27:34 [Donnie] I thought it'd be weirdto watch your best friend make out, but...
1832 01:27:38 I'm getting into it.
1833 01:27:39 [Jeremy] You guys, this is awesome.But I think I fucked up my stitches.
1834 01:27:43 -[Kendall] I told you to be careful.-[Sarah] Let's cut to the music.
1835 01:27:46 -["I Miss My Dick" plays]-♪ I miss my dick, dick, dick ♪
1836 01:27:49 ♪ I miss my dickI miss my dick, dick, dick, yeah ♪
1837 01:27:52 ♪ Dragon shirt, camping bestMerrell boots, they're the best ♪
1838 01:27:56 ♪ Lauryn Hill swaggin', playin' suckersLike a game of chess ♪
1839 01:27:59 ♪ Pants sagging, cargo pocketPacking heat, no Smith & Wes ♪
1840 01:28:02 ♪ Mess with the balisongLet's take a trip and ride along ♪
1841 01:28:06 ♪ Bags packed, I got the bongCheefing on some Tommy Chong ♪
1842 01:28:09 ♪ Oh, my God, what is wrong?I think I chopped my fucking dong ♪
1843 01:28:12 ♪ Yeah, it's true if you ain't noticed6'1", two balls with no dick ♪
1844 01:28:15 ♪ What the fuck, I don't deserve thisChopped my dick, not on purpose ♪
1845 01:28:19 ♪ And Sean is out here nature twerking ♪
1846 01:28:22 ♪ Donnie's drunk and Sarah's madBecky's pissed at Mom and Dad ♪
1847 01:28:25 ♪ Trying to throw a partyAfter breaking up with fucking Chad ♪
1848 01:28:29 ♪ Now I'm here with no dickI pray to God and still no dick ♪
1849 01:28:32 ♪ I ain't got a dickBut it don't mean shit ♪
1850 01:28:35 ♪ I can still smoke weedI can still get lit ♪
1851 01:28:38 ♪ And if you staring at my crotchMight as well take a pic ♪
1852 01:28:41 ♪ All the ladies come and flock'Cause they miss my dick ♪
1853 01:28:45 ♪ I miss my dickI miss my dick, dick ♪
1854 01:28:48 ♪ I miss my dick, dick ♪ ♪ I miss my dickI miss my dick ♪
1855 01:28:53 ♪ Dick, dick, yeah ♪
1856 01:28:54 ♪ I miss my dick, dick, dick ♪
1857 01:28:59 ♪ Balls wrapped in rubber bandsReady to die just like a cramp ♪
1858 01:29:02 ♪ Dead lobster, helicopterPick me up, went to the hospital ♪
1859 01:29:05 ♪ Doctor says, "ImpossibleI have to sew your Popsicle" ♪
1860 01:29:08 ♪ Life is full of obstaclesBut this shit can't be possible ♪
1861 01:29:11 ♪ Like the way I lost my dickDoctor says too late, can't fix ♪
1862 01:29:15 ♪ Tell me, how could it be like this?Yo, dog, think of something quick ♪
1863 01:29:18 ♪ Tell me how am I gonna fuck my bitchHow am I gonna live life without my dick ♪
1864 01:29:21 ♪ Can I get a boner? Organ donors?Put me on a wait list ♪
1865 01:29:24 ♪ Doc says face itI tried to tell you once ♪
1866 01:29:26 ♪ I don't wanna tell you twice ♪
1867 01:29:28 ♪ Major case of blue balls cooking ♪
1868 01:29:30 ♪ I'll be cumming riceBy the time I get it back ♪
1869 01:29:33 ♪ Too late now, it's in his hands ♪
1870 01:29:35 ♪ Homies punked a redneckThey said, "Nah, boy, you getting jack" ♪
1871 01:29:38 ♪ I ain't got a dickBut it don't mean shit ♪
1872 01:29:41 ♪ I can still smoke weedI can still get lit ♪
1873 01:29:45 ♪ And if you staring at my crotchMight as well take a pic ♪
1874 01:29:48 ♪ All the ladies come and flock'Cause they miss my dick ♪
1875 01:29:51 ♪ I miss my dick ♪
1876 01:29:52 -I miss my dick. I wish it was here.-♪ I miss my dick ♪
1877 01:29:56 -I dunno, I might... grow a beard,-♪ I miss my dick ♪
1878 01:29:59 -I might start playing World of Warcraft.-♪ I miss my dick ♪
