刺猬索尼克(Sonic the Hedgehog)(CN/EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:22 So... I know what you're thinking.
2 00:01:24 Why is that incredibly handsome hedgehog
3 00:01:26 being chased by a mad man with a mustache from the civil war?
4 00:01:30 Gotta be honest, it feels like I've been running my whole life.
5 00:01:33 Is this too much? Am I going too fast?
6 00:01:36 It's kinda what I do. You know what? Let's back up.
7 00:01:47 This is the island where I am from.
8 00:01:50 It had everything: sandy beaches, cascading waterfalls,
9 00:01:54 public access to loop-de-loops.
10 00:01:56 And I never had to catch a school bus
11 00:01:58 because I can run across the entire island
12 00:02:01 in less than two seconds.
13 00:02:02 Also, there was no school.
14 00:02:04 I know, pretty sweet island, right?
15 00:02:08 I was born with extraordinary powers,
16 00:02:10 and was told to keep them in secret.
17 00:02:12 And like any kid, I did the exact opposite.
18 00:02:17 That's Longclaw, she took care of me.
19 00:02:20 She was basically Obi-Wan Kenobi,
20 00:02:23 if Obi-Wan Kenobi had a beak and ate mice.
21 00:02:25 Sonic, someone could've seen you!
22 00:02:28 No one saw me. I am too fast!
23 00:02:30 And, I wanted to bring you this.
24 00:02:36 Get down!
25 00:02:41 Turns out with great power
26 00:02:43 comes great power-hungry bad guys.
27 00:02:45 And I let them right to us.
28 00:03:01 Listen carefully, Sonic.
29 00:03:04 You have a power unlike anything I've ever seen.
30 00:03:07 And that means someone will always want it.
31 00:03:10 The only way to stay safe is to stay hidden.
32 00:03:17 This world is on the farthest side of the universe.
33 00:03:20 You should be safe there.
34 00:03:21 - I don't wanna go without you! - You must!
35 00:03:24 These rings will be your most important possession.
36 00:03:30 If you ever discovered, use one.
37 00:03:33 Never stop running.
38 00:03:36 Now go!
39 00:03:41 Longclaw!
40 00:03:44 - Goodbye, Sonic. - No!
41 00:03:48 No!
42 00:04:16 Come on, one car?
43 00:04:28 I'm bored.
44 00:04:29 Tom, do you read me? Are you there?
45 00:04:31 No, Wade, I'm actually on a yacht in Barbados
46 00:04:35 with Rihanna.
47 00:04:37 OMG. That's amazing, please send pics.
48 00:04:40 No, Wade, I'm at the speed trap.
49 00:04:42 Already? How did you get back so fast?
50 00:04:44 Barbados is in the ocean.
51 00:04:46 Hang on, I think I got something.
52 00:04:54 Hey, buddy, where's the fire?
53 00:04:57 We've got kids living around here.
54 00:05:01 It was kinda funny, sorry.
55 00:05:09 What?
56 00:05:49 Tom, we need you down on Main Street.
57 00:05:51 There's been a violent gang shoot-out.
58 00:05:55 Just kidding, a dog stole a bagel.
59 00:05:58 But they do need it back.
60 00:06:11 Buddy, you almost got yourself killed out there.
61 00:06:14 What are you, some kind of an adrenaline junkie?
62 00:06:16 Must be rough being slow all the time.
63 00:06:18 I'll tell you what, today is your lucky day.
64 00:06:26 Have you ever felt so alive?
65 00:06:30 This is great, you're doing amazing.
66 00:06:32 Oh, jeez!
67 00:06:34 Good recovery!
68 00:06:39 Let's keep this our little secret, okay?
69 00:06:41 You never saw me. I was never here.
70 00:06:59 So, what were you expecting?
71 00:07:01 A dirty little hedgehog eating berries,
72 00:07:03 and struggling to survive?
73 00:07:05 Think again,
74 00:07:06 because I am living my best life on Earth.
75 00:07:09 I've got a library.
76 00:07:13 A home gym.
77 00:07:14 And a state of the art security system.
78 00:07:29 Oh, no!
79 00:07:32 And if I ever discovered, I'll follow Longclaw's instructions,
80 00:07:35 and use my rings to escape to a new planet.
81 00:07:38 A nice, safe little world filled only with mushrooms.
82 00:07:43 Gross, smelly mushrooms...
83 00:07:47 I hate mushrooms.
84 00:07:50 But let's not worry about all of that.
85 00:07:52 This is Green Hills.
86 00:07:55 The greatest place on Earth.
87 00:07:58 These are my people, and there, I say,
88 00:08:01 I am their lovable space creature.
89 00:08:03 So what if they don't know I exist?
90 00:08:07 My favorite person is the Donut Lord.
91 00:08:11 Protector of this town,
92 00:08:13 and defender of all creatures, big and small.
93 00:08:17 Morning, Donald, Daisy, Daffy.
94 00:08:20 Donut Lord lives with Pretzel Lady.
95 00:08:24 She is super nice to animals,
96 00:08:25 and strangely was born without bones.
97 00:08:31 There is one person in town who's actually onto me.
98 00:08:34 He calls me The Blue Devil.
99 00:08:36 I almost caught him last night.
100 00:08:38 Say hello to Crazy Carl.
101 00:08:44 We have fun together.
102 00:08:47 I know you're out there!
103 00:08:50 And I know you're real!
104 00:08:53 No, I'm not.
105 00:08:55 Movie night is my favorite.
106 00:08:58 Please, please...
107 00:09:00 Yes! Keanu, you are a national treasure.
108 00:09:03 - When I find you... - Pop quiz, hot-shot.
109 00:09:05 There's a bomb on the bus.
110 00:09:07 "Pop quiz, hot-shot." The classic line.
111 00:09:11 Basically, we're like a family,
112 00:09:14 even though we haven't met yet.
113 00:09:15 You don't think your prolonged isolation
114 00:09:18 is making you a bit crazy perhaps?
115 00:09:16 A. 伯德特医生
116 00:09:20 Crazy? Me? No way, Doc.
117 00:09:23 You got me all wrong.
118 00:09:25 And despite all these so called friends of yours,
119 00:09:28 deep down you are still rather lonely?
120 00:09:37 Perhaps afraid you'll be alone forever?
121 00:09:56 Hey! No, no...
122 00:09:59 Get out of there! Come on! Oh, come on! Get out of there!
123 00:10:03 Get out of there, you trash pandas!
124 00:10:07 Maddie, as Green Hills most respected veterinary,
125 00:10:09 what is the fastest way to exterminate a racoon?
126 00:10:13 Hi, Ozzy. Hello. You're glad to see me?
127 00:10:15 You don't eat garbage, do you?
128 00:10:17 What's that?
129 00:10:19 Is that what I think it is?
130 00:10:20 Ah ha. Open it.
131 00:10:23 - It's kinda small, is that bad? - Just... open it.
132 00:10:23 94183
133 00:10:32 Dear Thomas, we have reviewed your application
134 00:10:35 to the San Francisco Police Department,
135 00:10:36 and pending inter departmental review and background check.
136 00:10:39 And we are happy to inform you
137 00:10:40 that you have been selected to join our team.
138 00:10:42 - Oh my God! - Wow! Oh my God!
139 00:10:48 San Francisco sucks?
140 00:10:52 Wrong one.
141 00:10:58 - You never had a doubt, huh? - No!
142 00:11:03 - I can't believe this! - I know. You did it!
143 00:11:08 What are those?
144 00:11:11 Apartments for rent I found on Zillow.
145 00:11:13 I though Ozzy and I can fly there tomorrow,
146 00:11:16 and check out some neighborhoods.
147 00:11:19 I mean, this is all happening so fast.
148 00:11:23 Man, it's the craziest thing,
149 00:11:25 you apply for the job, you get the job.
150 00:11:27 Well, pending a background check.
151 00:11:29 Oh, man, hope they don't find out about
152 00:11:31 that time you used the neighbor's WiFi.
153 00:11:34 Correction, I'm still using the neighbor's WiFi.
154 00:11:36 But, Maddie...
155 00:11:38 Are you sure you're okay with this?
156 00:11:40 Thomas Michael Wachowski,
157 00:11:42 what did you do the entire time I was in a veterinary school?
158 00:11:44 I worked the second job to pay the rent, and...
159 00:11:46 A third job to pay tuition.
160 00:11:48 You sacrificed for me, I'm happy to sacrifice for you.
161 00:11:53 Babe, are you sure you're okay with this?
162 00:11:57 I mean, there's been a Wachowski
163 00:11:58 protecting this town for more than 50 years.
164 00:12:02 This is a big change.
165 00:12:05 I'm positive.
166 00:12:07 It's time for this guy to get out there and prove himself.
167 00:12:10 I love Green Hills, but...
168 00:12:12 You know, I wanna help people in real trouble.
169 00:12:15 I want someone to turn to me in a life-or-death situation,
170 00:12:17 and I'll be there for them.
171 00:12:20 - I get it. I'm so proud of you. - Thank you.
172 00:12:25 And so it is with a heavy heart,
173 00:12:27 that I tell you all that I've accepted a position
174 00:12:29 at the San Francisco Police Department, effective immediately.
175 00:12:33 It's gonna be tough to leave my hometown, and all my friendships.
176 00:12:37 But this is something I feel like I need to do,
177 00:12:40 to grow, as both an officer, and a man.
178 00:12:48 What do you think, Sergeant Sprinkles?
179 00:12:51 That wasn't so bad, right?
180 00:12:54 Now all I gotta do is...
181 00:12:57 tell everyone who isn't a donut.
182 00:13:01 Whoa, the play-offs.
183 00:13:47 So cool.
184 00:13:54 Bottom of the ninth, tie score.
185 00:13:55 And exactly who you want at the plate
186 00:13:57 with the game on the line, Sonic.
187 00:13:59 But staring him down from the pitcher's mound
188 00:14:01 is the most fearsome southpaw in Green Hills, also Sonic.
189 00:14:06 Okay, focus, Sonic.
190 00:14:07 If you win this game
191 00:14:08 you'll be the most beloved kid in Green Hills.
192 00:14:14 Hit it to the guy in left,
193 00:14:16 he's a real space case.
194 00:14:21 I can't with that guy.
195 00:14:23 Hey, batter Sonic, hey, batter Sonic,
196 00:14:24 is so in batter Sonic.
197 00:14:35 I got it, I got it...
198 00:14:37 I don't got it.
199 00:14:47 Go home! Go home!
200 00:14:50 Come on!
201 00:14:56 Safe!
202 00:15:00 Yes! Yes! I did it!
203 00:15:02 Did you see that? I did it! I did it.
204 00:15:18 I really am alone.
205 00:15:21 All alone. Forever.
206 00:15:58 I'm sure no one noticed
207 00:15:59 that giant blue explosion, right?
208 00:16:10 Wade
209 00:16:12 Hey, Wade.
210 00:16:12 Hi, Tom. Wade here.
211 00:16:15 What is going on?
212 00:16:17 - Oh Gosh, I think the power is out. - Yap, dur.
213 00:16:19 The lights are out. The whole town is freaking out.
214 00:16:22 - What should I do? - Okay. Relax.
215 00:16:24 Take a deep breath, call Gil,
216 00:16:26 see if they can locate the down line, then...
217 00:16:29 call Zim, and see if he can get his generator over
218 00:16:31 to the Super Cue, so the food stays fresh.
219 00:16:33 Call Zim before Gil?
220 00:16:37 - Call Gil... Hello? I'll call you back.
221 00:16:39 Wait. Wait! Hello? Was that the end of the instructions?
222 00:16:44 Okay. All right. You can do this.
223 00:16:47 What was the first thing he said to do?
224 00:16:52 Right. Relax.
225 00:17:14 Twenty minutes ago an energy surge
226 00:17:17 knocked our power across the entire Pacific Northwest.
227 00:17:19 What do we know?
228 00:17:20 Our first instinct was it was an EMP.
229 00:17:23 But electromagnetic pulses don't have that kind of power.
230 00:17:26 NASA has ruled out
231 00:17:27 meteor strikes or solar flares.
232 00:17:29 The Department of Energy says it's not a power plant malfunction.
233 00:17:32 Sounds like we're really good at figuring out what it wasn't.
234 00:17:35 This could be a prelude to a larger attack.
235 00:17:37 I'm suggesting we scramble the fifth and sixth regiment.
236 00:17:39 No, no...
237 00:17:40 This needs a much more sophisticated mind.
238 00:17:43 Someone who understands technology.
239 00:17:45 You wanna send in a lab rat?
240 00:17:46 Not just any lab rat.
241 00:17:47 A lab rat with teeth.
242 00:17:49 You're not suggesting who I think you're suggesting.
243 00:17:51 - I know he's a little weird... - Weird?
244 00:17:53 - No, no. No way! - He's a psychological tire fire.
245 00:17:56 But he's also brilliant. Five PhDs. IQ off the charts.
246 00:17:59 And his drone tech is revolutionary.
247 00:18:02 You're sure he can handle this?
248 00:18:04 He has a perfect operations record.
249 00:18:06 - Remember the coup in Pakistan? - No.
250 00:18:08 Or the uprising in Azerbaijanistan?
251 00:18:10 It's not even a country.
252 00:18:11 Exactly. And you can thank Robotnik for that.
253 00:18:14 I can't believe you're bringing that freak into this.
254 00:18:18 Neither can I, but...
255 00:18:20 We have no choice.
256 00:18:30 Guys, coming up!
257 00:18:33 Yes, Major.
258 00:18:48 What a...
259 00:19:10 Are you in charge here?
260 00:19:12 - Yes, I am. - No. Wrong!
261 00:19:14 - Name... - I'm in charge!
262 00:19:16 - Me! - Is Major...
263 00:19:17 - Ben... - I'm in charge.
264 00:19:20 You've never seen anything like this before?
265 00:19:23 It says I'm a top banana
266 00:19:24 in a world full of hungry little monkeys.
267 00:19:27 Allow me to clarify.
268 00:19:29 In a sequentially ranked hierarchy based on
269 00:19:31 level of critical importance
270 00:19:33 the disparity between us is too vast to quantify. Agent Stone.
271 00:19:36 The Doctor thinks you're basic.
272 00:19:37 I'm initiating a sweep sequence.
273 00:19:40 Ten miles in every direction should suffice.
274 00:19:43 - Is he still looking at me funny? - Yes, he is.
275 00:19:45 Tell him to stop or I'll pull out his search history.
276 00:19:47 If you don't stop looking, the Doctor,
277 00:19:48 he'll take a closer look...
278 00:19:50 - I'm not deaf. - And tell him his men report to me now.
279 00:19:54 Excuse me? Listen, pal, I don't know if you realize...
280 00:19:57 I'm sorry, Major, what was your name?
281 00:19:59 - Benning... - Nobody cares! Nobody cares.
282 00:20:03 Listen, Major Nobodycares.
283 00:20:05 You know why nobody cares who you are?
284 00:20:07 Because nobody cares about your feeble accomplishments.
285 00:20:10 And nobody cares about how proud your Mommy is
286 00:20:13 that you're now reading at a third grade level.
287 00:20:16 Have you finished 'Charlotte's Web' yet?
288 00:20:18 Spoiler alert, she dies in the end.
289 00:20:20 But she leaves a big creepy egg sac.
290 00:20:24 Oh, my babies.
291 00:20:27 Look what came out of my egg sac.
292 00:20:30 You know what I love about machines?
293 00:20:33 They do what they're told. They follow their programming.
294 00:20:36 They don't need time-off to get drunk,
295 00:20:38 and put the boat in the water.
296 00:20:40 And you do what you're told.
297 00:20:42 Stand over there on the edge of your personal abyss.
298 00:20:46 And watch my machines do your job.
299 00:20:51 Can you feel it, Stone?
300 00:20:52 I can feel it, Doctor.
301 00:20:54 It's evolution, Stone.
302 00:20:57 It's evolution!
303 00:21:34 - Agent Stone? - Doctor.
304 00:21:36 Do you see anything useful in this image?
305 00:21:39 - Nothing at all, Doctor. - Of course you don't.
306 00:21:42 Your eyes weren't expertly trained to spot tracks
307 00:21:44 by the Native American Shadow Wolves.
308 00:21:57 That's extraordinary.
309 00:21:58 No, what extraordinary is...
310 00:22:01 I determined the exact height, weight,
311 00:22:03 and spinal curvature of this creature.
312 00:22:05 And my computer can't find a single match for it, anywhere
313 00:22:08 in Earth's animal kingdom.
314 00:22:10 This blackout was not a terrorist attack,
315 00:22:13 and that's no baby Bigfoot.
316 00:22:15 This guy is something else entirely.
317 00:22:22 Divert all search units to the site of the footprint.
318 00:22:26 That's one small step for man,
319 00:22:28 one giant leap for me.
320 00:22:42 Okay, okay. Everything is fine.
321 00:22:44 You played some baseball, got a little upset.
322 00:22:46 Lightning shut out of your butt, and now they're coming for you.
323 00:22:50 All right, all right. Earth isn't safe anymore.
324 00:22:52 Time for plan B - Mushroomville. I gotta take my stuff.
325 00:22:55 Okay, essential items only.
326 00:22:57 Okay, toothbrush, toothpaste, hair gel, night light, funny hat.
327 00:23:00 This half-eaten cantaloupe, and my scented candle.
328 00:23:03 My entire comic book collection.
329 00:23:05 Bean bag chair, can a bean bag chair fit in the backpack?
330 00:23:07 No, no. Of course not. That's stupid.
331 00:23:10 Okay, what else? The rings! The rings, yes, of course!
332 00:23:14 Here we go. Ring time. Mushroom planet, here I come.
333 00:23:18 Oh, no! They're right outside, I gotta go somewhere else.
334 00:23:26 Goodbye, cave.
335 00:23:32 - Hi. - Hey.
336 00:23:34 What are you doing?
337 00:23:35 Just coloring with Jojo and Rachel.
338 00:23:38 That sounds half-fun.
339 00:23:40 Hey, exciting stuff here. We had a power outage.
340 00:23:42 The whole town went dark.
341 00:23:44 It was like a sign telling me to get outta Dodge.
342 00:23:46 - Wade must've lost his mind. - Yeah.
343 00:23:49 And he does not have much to lose.
344 00:23:51 How's your sister? Does she convince you to leave me yet?
345 00:23:53 No, but she did tell me to check your phone for dating apps.
346 00:23:57 The only apps on my phone are the ones that came with it.
347 00:23:59 - And the Olive Garden. - Ah, because when you're there...
348 00:24:02 You're family.
349 00:24:05 No way!
350 00:24:09 The racoons are back. And they are in for a surprise.
351 00:24:13 Your surprise better not be my tranquilizer gun.
352 00:24:15 They're just hungry.
353 00:24:16 And also, that's for bears.
354 00:24:20 - Good, now I know it'll work. - Tom!
355 00:24:22 I'm kidding, I'm just gonna use it to scare them.
356 00:24:24 - Possibly to death. Love you, honey, bye. - To...
357 00:24:32 D-i-v-o-r-c-e.
358 00:24:36 Okay, I'm in.
359 00:24:38 With minimal damage to Donut Lord's property.
360 00:24:41 Here we go.
361 00:24:42 Didn't work out on Earth, but that's okay.
362 00:24:44 You're going to a safe world.
363 00:24:46 A nice safe world full of mushrooms.
364 00:24:48 Mushrooms that will be your only friends.
365 00:24:51 That sounds awful, I can't do this.
366 00:24:53 You have to do it, there's no other option.
367 00:24:58 All right.
368 00:25:00 SFPD, pending background check. Paws in the air!
369 00:25:17 San Francisco?
370 00:25:42 No.
371 00:25:48 What?
372 00:26:12 The Blue Devil.
373 00:26:27 - Donut Lord? - You can talk?
374 00:26:30 You're not...
375 00:26:31 - You're not here to abduct me, are you? - You abducted me!
376 00:26:35 Okay, it's a fair point. What are you?
377 00:26:38 Why are you hiding out in my garage?
378 00:26:40 I needed somewhere safe,
379 00:26:41 and you are the only person I could think of, Donut Lord.
380 00:26:44 Why do you keep calling me Donut Lord?
381 00:26:44 'Cause you talk to donuts,
382 00:26:46 and then eat them if they get out of the line.
383 00:26:48 - Again, fair. - Wait... Where are all the mushrooms?
384 00:26:51 Why am I still on Earth? What did...
385 00:26:54 Oh, no, I lost my rings!
386 00:26:56 What?
387 00:27:02 What's happening? Is this your mothership?
388 00:27:06 - I'm not in the mood to get probed. - You think you're worried?
389 00:27:09 I'm not even wearing pants.
390 00:27:14 What the...
391 00:27:16 - They're coming for me! - Who's coming for you?
392 00:27:19 What does that have to do with me?
393 00:27:20 I don't have time to explain,
394 00:27:21 - but you have to help me. - No, I don't. Why?
395 00:27:24 Well, my legs,
396 00:27:25 which normally would be classified as lethal weapons
397 00:27:28 feel like spaghetti.
398 00:27:29 I need your help, please. It's life or death.
399 00:27:40 Fine, come with me.
400 00:27:45 Little help?
401 00:27:57 - All right, stay here. And be quiet. - Good plan, great plan.
402 00:28:01 How are we working so well together?
403 00:28:02 Practically finishing each other sentences.
404 00:28:06 Okay, bye.
405 00:28:11 Hello there.
406 00:28:13 Can I help you?
407 00:28:18 Good morning, my rural chum.
408 00:28:20 I'm...
409 00:28:22 from the power company, investigating the blackout.
410 00:28:24 If you don't mind
411 00:28:25 I'd like to take a few readings inside your house?
412 00:28:28 No kidding, you're from the power company?
413 00:28:30 You must know my buddy Spencer.
414 00:28:31 We play softball together.
415 00:28:33 Spence, he's a good man.
416 00:28:37 - Yeah, yeah... come on in! - Great.
417 00:28:39 Take all the readings you need. Except...
418 00:28:43 Don't the power company usually take their readings
419 00:28:44 from outside the house?
420 00:28:46 That way they can check even if you're not home.
421 00:28:49 Also, my buddy Spencer works for the gas company.
422 00:28:51 And he's more of an ultimate Frisbee guy.
423 00:28:53 So, you wanna tell me why
424 00:28:54 you think I'm dumb enough to just let you walk inside my house?
425 00:29:06 - I'm sorry, Mr...? - Wachowski.
426 00:29:08 But everyone calls me Tom.
427 00:29:10 Except my dentist, he calls me Tim.
428 00:29:12 But it's gone on for so long now
429 00:29:14 that it would be just weird if I corrected him.
430 00:29:16 Well, Tom, whose dentist calls him Tim.
431 00:29:18 You may have noticed that this entire town
432 00:29:20 has been experiencing a power outage.
433 00:29:22 Yup, no lights, picked up on that.
434 00:29:24 Twenty minutes ago I tracked an energy pulse
435 00:29:26 with the similar signature
436 00:29:27 to the one that caused that disruption.
437 00:29:44 Listen, Mr...?
438 00:29:46 Doctor. Doctor Robotnik.
439 00:29:49 But my dentist calls me Rob.
440 00:29:52 Look, Doctor Robotskiz...
441 00:29:56 I'm sure what you're here for is very serious,
442 00:29:58 but it's got nothing to do with me, you can ask anyone in town.
443 00:30:01 - Everyone knows me. - I bet they do.
444 00:30:03 I'm sure you're hella popular with the Gibs and Merles
445 00:30:05 and Billy Bobs in this glorified gas station rest stop.
446 00:30:09 Which goes way back to the days of
447 00:30:10 tipping cows and playing on a jug band.
448 00:30:16 And maybe some day you'll have achieved your goal
449 00:30:19 of getting a Costco card, or adopting a Labradoodle.
450 00:30:21 But the reality is,
451 00:30:23 I surpassed everything you're ever going to do
452 00:30:29 before I was a toddler.
453 00:30:31 I was spitting out formulas
454 00:30:32 while you were still spitting up formula.
455 00:30:34 - I was breastfed, actually. - Nice.
456 00:30:37 Rub that in my orphan face.
457 00:30:40 Mr. Wachowski,
458 00:30:41 are you familiar with US code 904, title 10, article 104?
459 00:30:47 - Yeah... - Anyone, who attempts to aid
460 00:30:49 an enemy of the United States shall suffer death.
461 00:30:53 And if I'm the one who catches you,
462 00:30:56 it'll be even worse.
463 00:30:59 Worse than death?
464 00:31:03 Okay, I'm a ball. Just a normal ball.
465 00:31:05 I'm blending in like a bulge.
466 00:31:06 Stop talking. No, you stop talking.
467 00:31:07 Be quiet, Sonic.
468 00:31:08 You be quiet, Sonic!
469 00:31:10 Oh, I hope they aren't scanning me with X-Rays,
470 00:31:12 I had kind of an embarrassing lunch.
471 00:31:22 Don't freak out. Don't freak... Don't freak out.
472 00:31:24 Don't freak out. Don't freak out.
473 00:31:28 I'm freaking out!
474 00:31:32 Why don't you have your staircase carpeted?
475 00:31:34 Compared to...
476 00:31:38 - Old pipes. - Yeah.
477 00:31:40 Probably just the house settling.
478 00:31:42 Nothing to see here.
479 00:31:44 Hey!
480 00:31:51 Here's the thing.
481 00:31:54 I'm never wrong.
482 00:31:56 Well, first time for everything, I guess.
483 00:31:59 Would you like some cake?
484 00:32:00 I hear racoons have the cleanest mouths
485 00:32:02 of any animal that routinely eats garbage.
486 00:32:15 Look at that.
487 00:32:18 I was right.
488 00:32:20 Note the lack of surprise.
489 00:32:22 Should we try this again?
490 00:32:34 I'm going to give you five seconds
491 00:32:37 to tell me where it is.
492 00:32:38 Five.
493 00:32:39 I don't know what's you're talking about.
494 00:32:40 Four.
495 00:32:41 Hey, tough guy, I'm a cop.
496 00:32:42 And you're threatening an Officer.
497 00:32:43 How can you threaten somebody
498 00:32:44 who never existed?
499 00:32:45 Three.
500 00:32:47 Come on, rack your brain!
501 00:32:49 You might be able to come up with
502 00:32:50 some lame excuse to go on living.
503 00:32:52 In two...
504 00:32:54 One!
505 00:32:56 Wait! Don't hurt him.
506 00:33:12 This feels excessive.
507 00:33:17 Stay behind me.
508 00:33:34 Don't worry, I got it right where I want it.
509 00:33:39 Can you believe Amazon is gonna
510 00:33:40 deliver packages with these things?
511 00:33:45 This was a horrible plan, what was I thinking?
512 00:33:50 I'm gonna puke!
513 00:33:56 Come on!
514 00:33:58 We gotta get out of here.
515 00:33:59 Don't tell me that's all you've got.
516 00:34:01 I'm just getting started.
517 00:34:02 Let me know if you wanna go round two with the blue.
518 00:34:24 Doctor!
519 00:34:25 Are you okay?
520 00:34:27 I just saw a guy race outta here and thought...
521 00:34:29 That you should stop them?
522 00:34:31 Open your mouth,
523 00:34:33 and say you thought that you should stop them.
524 00:34:35 No, I thought that maybe I should check to see if you're okay.
525 00:34:39 You know what's hard about
526 00:34:40 being the smartest person in the world?
527 00:34:42 Everyone else seems stupid.
528 00:34:44 Yes. Way to go.
529 00:34:45 You got that one.
530 00:34:48 Whatever this creature is,
531 00:34:49 it's our job to secure it,
532 00:34:52 neutralize it, uncover the source of its power.
533 00:34:56 And if it resists...
534 00:34:58 we take it apart,
535 00:35:00 piece by piece.
536 00:35:03 See what makes it tick.
537 00:35:06 - Stone. - Doctor.
538 00:35:07 Call Optical Illusions.
539 00:35:10 Tell them I need new frames.
540 00:35:12 They know what kind I like.
541 00:35:15 And bring that quill.
542 00:35:18 Yes, Doctor.
543 00:35:22 All right, pal,
544 00:35:24 You need to start talking right now.
545 00:35:25 Who are you? What are you?
546 00:35:28 I'm a hedgehog, I feel like that's obvious.
547 00:35:30 - And I'm in big trouble. - You're in big trouble?
548 00:35:33 You're not the one who punched
549 00:35:35 some sort of government weirdo back there.
550 00:35:36 You think you have problems? I lost my rings!
551 00:35:39 Rings? What are you talking about?
552 00:35:40 Okay, rings are how all advanced cultures
553 00:35:43 travel between worlds.
554 00:35:44 And now mine are on top of a pointy building
555 00:35:47 I've only ever seen on your skin tight t-shirt.
556 00:35:50 So, I'd like you to take me to San Francisco,
557 00:35:52 so I can get back my rings
558 00:35:53 and use them to go to the Mushroom planet.
559 00:35:57 - Mushroom planet? - Yes!
560 00:36:00 Right.
561 00:36:05 Okay, pal. Out you go.
562 00:36:06 I'm sorry, what?
563 00:36:07 Look, this is the worst possible time for me
564 00:36:10 to get myself into trouble, okay?
565 00:36:12 You asked me to save your life, I saved your life.
566 00:36:14 Now please, go find your rings,
567 00:36:16 and your Mushroomland.
568 00:36:17 Hopefully I'm gonna wake up in the hospital bed,
569 00:36:19 and the doctors gonna tell me
570 00:36:20 that my colonoscopy was a big success.
571 00:36:22 Okay? So, goodbye.
572 00:36:23 Okay, goodbye.
573 00:36:25 Goodbye.
574 00:36:28 Why aren't you leaving?
575 00:36:30 I don't know where San Francisco is.
576 00:36:31 - It's West. - West?
577 00:36:32 Straight shot, can't miss it.
578 00:36:34 Fine. That's cool.
579 00:36:35 I'm totally cool saying goodbye now.
580 00:36:42 So, as I crashed into the cold dark water of the Pacific
581 00:36:46 I realized a few things.
582 00:36:48 A I have no idea where I'm going;
583 00:36:51 b salt water stings.
584 00:36:53 C I shouldn't even be on this planet right now,
585 00:36:56 but I am.
586 00:36:58 - Why? Because you shot me! - I know.
587 00:37:01 You shot me!
588 00:37:02 All right. I heard you the first time. You don't have to...
589 00:37:05 pile it on, good grief.
590 00:37:06 I'm wet. I'm cold.
591 00:37:09 There's a fish on my head!
592 00:37:11 And clearly I'm not gonna be able to do this on my own.
593 00:37:20 All right, get in the truck.
594 00:37:22 Really? You gonna help me?
595 00:37:23 I guess it is a little bit of my fault
596 00:37:25 that all of this is happening to you.
597 00:37:26 Not a little bit, entirely.
598 00:37:28 It is entirely your fault.
599 00:37:29 Okay, it's entirely my fault. Are you coming?
600 00:37:31 Yes.
601 00:37:35 Roadtrip.
602 00:37:37 What am I doing?
603 00:37:39 All right, there's gonna be rules on this trip.
604 00:37:41 Number one: do exactly as I say all the time.
605 00:37:45 - Got it? - Got it, Donut Lord.
606 00:37:47 Would you stop with the Donut Lord?
607 00:37:49 I have a name. It's Tom.
608 00:37:51 I'm Sonic.
609 00:37:52 Sonic? Sonic.
610 00:37:56 So, you've been spying on us all for years.
611 00:37:58 I mean, I wouldn't call it spying.
612 00:38:00 We were all just hanging out,
613 00:38:01 only I wasn't invited,
614 00:38:02 and no one knew I was there.
615 00:38:04 I can't believe Crazy Carl was right all this time.
616 00:38:07 Yeah, you should call him Super Observing Carl instead.
617 00:38:10 Oh my God, stop the car right now!
618 00:38:12 What? What?
619 00:38:13 The World's Largest Rubber Band Ball?
620 00:38:15 We gotta see it!
621 00:38:16 No, no.
622 00:38:17 This is not some fun family roadtrip, okay?
623 00:38:20 The government wants to dissect you, and arrest me.
624 00:38:23 This is serious.
625 00:38:25 You were right. It was lame.
626 00:38:27 Gift shop was cool, though.
627 00:38:28 I got you a mouse pad.
628 00:38:30 When are we gonna get there?
629 00:38:31 We will get there when we get there.
630 00:38:52 All right, I'm gonna go check in with Wade
631 00:38:54 to see if he knows what's going on.
632 00:38:56 You gonna see Wade in that glass thing?
633 00:38:58 What is it? A teleportation box?
634 00:39:02 It's a pay phone.
635 00:39:03 It's mostly for drug dealers and fugitives from the law,
636 00:39:06 which is us.
637 00:39:06 Stay in the car. I don't want anybody seeing you.
638 00:39:09 Fine!
639 00:39:29 Okay. Okay. That is the coolest place on Earth,
640 00:39:32 but you have to stay in the car.
641 00:39:43 Be strong. Be strong.
642 00:39:52 Hello. Green Hills Police Department.
643 00:39:55 - Wade, it's me. - Hi, I'm so glad that you called.
644 00:39:58 So, some guys came in asking some questions.
645 00:40:01 A little creepy.
646 00:40:02 Kinda reminded me of the guys from Men in Black,
647 00:40:05 but not as likable, or charming as Will Smith.
648 00:40:09 Wait, what kinda questions?
649 00:40:10 Questions about terrorism.
650 00:40:13 I told them that, like...
651 00:40:15 I've gone ice fishing with Tom.
652 00:40:16 He doesn't know how to make a bomb.
653 00:40:18 He can't even make, like bait in the cold.
654 00:40:20 All right, Wade, listen to me. This is really important.
655 00:40:23 Don't tell them that we talked, okay?
656 00:40:28 You know, I think they already know.
657 00:40:32 Mr. Wachowski.
658 00:40:34 Tom.
659 00:40:35 I want you to know that the only other person
660 00:40:37 who have ever punched me in the face
661 00:40:38 was the school bully.
662 00:40:40 He hit me in the cafeteria
663 00:40:42 causing a blunt force contusion to the soft tissue
664 00:40:44 surrounding my orbital bone.
665 00:40:46 Humiliated me in front of the entire school.
666 00:40:48 And you know what I did in response?
667 00:40:50 I'm assuming that you reported him to the Principal's office,
668 00:40:53 'cause, you know that kinda behavior is really unacceptable.
669 00:40:55 No, I examined the inefficiency of a world
670 00:40:57 where brawn trumped brain,
671 00:40:59 and I used technology to resolve that inefficiency.
672 00:41:01 The boy ate his meals through a straw
673 00:41:04 for a year.
674 00:41:05 And I have never lost a fight again.
675 00:41:07 Until today.
676 00:41:09 Hooray for me then, huh?
677 00:41:10 No, because you're about to become the bully with a straw!
678 00:41:13 I'm coming for you, Mr. Wachowski.
679 00:41:15 And when I catch you I'll...
680 00:41:18 Hello? Hello?
681 00:41:21 - Hello? Hello? - I think he actually hung up.
682 00:41:24 Because I noticed that the light isn't on.
683 00:41:26 Thank you, Officer Brainfart.
684 00:41:27 If you give me a second I can get an outside line.
685 00:41:30 No, don't be bothered.
686 00:41:32 You just sit there
687 00:41:33 and be you- sless.
688 00:41:44 No one's gonna erase my memory here?
689 00:41:47 I will tell people about this.
690 00:41:53 Okay, not exactly the healthiest meal, but...
691 00:41:57 Sonic?
692 00:42:04 No, no.
693 00:42:21 Howdy, partner.
694 00:42:22 I'm not your partner, come on, we're leaving.
695 00:42:24 But there's a ZZ Top cover band,
696 00:42:26 you gotta see their beards.
697 00:42:27 We will have to catch them some other time.
698 00:42:28 Let's go. Get up.
699 00:42:29 If we stay I promise I won't say another word
700 00:42:31 for the rest of the trip.
701 00:42:33 Starting... now.
702 00:42:35 Welcome to the Piston Pit,
703 00:42:36 what can I get you fellas?
704 00:42:38 I want nachos and buffalo wings,
705 00:42:39 and guac.
706 00:42:40 Funny word, isn't it? Guac.
707 00:42:42 Guac.
708 00:42:43 No kids allowed in here.
709 00:42:44 What's he got on, some kinda mask?
710 00:42:47 He's actually 43 years old,
711 00:42:48 and suffers from a very rare skin disease.
712 00:42:51 That stunts his growth, and makes him look...
713 00:42:54 like... like that.
714 00:42:56 The face I was born with,
715 00:42:57 the confidence I picked up along the way.
716 00:43:00 - Make us a Mellow Yellow please. - Okay.
717 00:43:04 - You owe me one. - I've never sat on a bar stool before.
718 00:43:06 So squishy. Oh, look at this, it spins!
719 00:43:10 Yes.
720 00:43:12 - I feel sick. - Having fun?
721 00:43:15 Gonna check this off the ol' bucket list, huh?
722 00:43:17 Big night for ya?
723 00:43:17 What's a bucket list?
724 00:43:20 Bucket list is a...
725 00:43:22 It's a list of things you wanna do in your life before you...
726 00:43:25 well, kick the bucket.
727 00:43:27 I've never kicked the bucket either. I gotta make my list.
728 00:43:35 Sonic.
729 00:43:44 Why? What's the matter?
730 00:43:45 There is so much stuff I've never done.
731 00:43:47 And now that I'm leaving Earth forever...
732 00:43:50 I guess I missed my chance.
733 00:43:57 Well, I guess this is the kinda place
734 00:43:59 you can get a lot of living done
735 00:44:00 in a short period of time.
736 00:44:03 I suppose we can spare an hour.
737 00:44:05 What? You gonna bucket list with me?
738 00:44:07 - Sure, why not. - You won't regret this.
739 00:44:10 I'm pretty sure I will.
740 00:44:36 New high score.
741 00:44:44 Wait a second, is this bull
742 00:44:45 missing a head or does it have two butts?
743 00:44:50 - This is easy. - Okay.
744 00:44:57 I'm a cowboy, baby.
745 00:45:01 I'm okay.
746 00:45:09 Yeah!
747 00:45:13 Yeah, laugh it up.
748 00:45:15 Nice work, Romeo.
749 00:45:17 Glad you're having a good time.
750 00:45:18 I am having a good time.
751 00:45:19 I'm having the best time,
752 00:45:21 I mean what could go wrong?
753 00:45:26 Can we help you?
754 00:45:28 We don't like your kind around here.
755 00:45:30 Our kind? What kind is that?
756 00:45:34 Hipsters.
757 00:45:36 How dare you?!
758 00:45:37 Hey, you know what? We were just leaving anyway, weren't we?
759 00:45:39 - Not a problem... - No, no. It's okay.
760 00:45:41 No, no. We're leaving.
761 00:45:42 I know exactly how to handle this situation.
762 00:45:46 Pop quiz hot-shot.
763 00:45:47 You just picked a fight with a poorly disguised hedgehog
764 00:45:50 who's seen way too many action movies. What do you do?
765 00:45:53 What do you do?
766 00:45:57 Am I crazy? It was supposed to break, right?
767 00:46:01 Break please. Break please. Break please, bottle. Please.
768 00:46:04 Sonic?
769 00:46:17 - Nice going. - Thanks. It's awesome, right?
770 00:46:20 All right, who's next? Who wants some?
771 00:46:22 Who do I get to beat up?
772 00:46:24 Hey, has anybody seen my waitress?
773 00:46:26 Still waiting on those buffalo wings.
774 00:46:29 Ah, you!
775 00:46:42 Really?
776 00:48:33 - So, should we get out of here? - Yeah, time to go.
777 00:48:38 That was amazing!
778 00:48:39 Wait a second, did we even pay our tip? It doesn't matter!
779 00:48:42 Watch this. Watch this. I always wanted to do this.
780 00:48:48 - Get them! - See ya, suckers.
781 00:48:51 I can't say for sure, but I think they liked me.
782 00:49:00 - Yes! Yes! - Yeah!
783 00:49:02 They got you pretty good.
784 00:49:03 I'm all right, have been hit harder.
785 00:49:05 Did you see how much
786 00:49:06 toilet paper I used?
787 00:49:07 The next person that goes into that bathroom
788 00:49:09 will have nothing to wipe with.
789 00:49:11 The floors were sticky. The crowd was rough.
790 00:49:13 And the odds were against us.
791 00:49:15 But there was no stopping Donut Lord and the Blue Blur.
792 00:49:18 Scratch another one off my list.
793 00:49:22 You are a weird little dude.
794 00:49:36 - Okay. - So, what are we gonna do now?
795 00:49:40 I'm gonna pass out watching TV.
796 00:49:43 - You should, too. - But this is my last night on Earth.
797 00:49:45 - I wanna soak up every last second. - All right, well...
798 00:49:48 Anything you can find to do in this room, you knock yourself out.
799 00:49:58 Good times.
800 00:50:02 Oh, come on.
801 00:50:04 That's awful, what did you eat?
802 00:50:06 I think it's called a chili dog.
803 00:50:08 You might wanna check your fur on that one, buddy.
804 00:50:12 Hey, so what's this next planet you're supposed to go to like?
805 00:50:15 It's no Earth. I can tell you that. There's no people.
806 00:50:18 Just breathable air and giant mushrooms, and stuff.
807 00:50:21 Well, look at it this way.
808 00:50:24 At least you won't be the only fun-gi.
809 00:50:26 No, don't ever do that again.
810 00:50:30 I liked it.
811 00:50:33 I'm really gonna miss this place.
812 00:50:36 I know I have to leave Earth to be safe,
813 00:50:38 but what if Longclaw was wrong?
814 00:50:40 Maybe I could have a life here.
815 00:50:47 All right, we should get some sleep.
816 00:50:51 You sleep, don't worry about me, I'm gonna stay up all night
817 00:50:54 enjoying Earth while I can.
818 00:50:56 Sure, kid.
819 00:50:58 As long as we're on the road by eight.
820 00:51:24 Thomas Wachowski, accused of committing
821 00:51:27 an act of domestic terrorism.
822 00:51:29 Wachowski is considered armed and dangerous.
823 00:51:32 Any information regarding his whereabouts should be reported
824 00:51:35 to local authorities immediately.
825 00:51:43 Did he say where he was going?
826 00:51:48 Maybe. Maybe not.
827 00:51:51 Like I'd ever tell you.
828 00:51:54 Stand down, Agent Stone.
829 00:51:56 This well-meaning citizen obviously doesn't understand
830 00:51:59 the urgency of the matter.
831 00:52:03 Really?
832 00:52:07 Now, that's what I call 'good cop, bad cop'.
833 00:52:12 Left yourself open.
834 00:52:17 Judging by the quickest route to San Francisco,
835 00:52:19 the approximate speed of their vehicle
836 00:52:21 and local weather conditions...
837 00:52:23 They should be...
838 00:52:26 right about...
839 00:52:29 here.
840 00:52:30 - That's brilliant, Sir. - Thanks... for nothing.
841 00:52:36 - So, what's on your bucket list? - Me?
842 00:52:39 Yeah, everyone has a bucket list, right?
843 00:52:41 Well, sure, but...
844 00:52:42 I mean, you are the one leaving Earth.
845 00:52:44 And I'm not planning on dying anytime soon.
846 00:52:46 Don't be so sure, your best friend is a magnet for danger.
847 00:52:50 You're anointing yourself as the bestie?
848 00:52:53 Little presumptuous, but... I mean...
849 00:52:55 I like you, of course, but...
850 00:52:58 You know, we're not best friends.
851 00:53:00 You tucked me in last night.
852 00:53:02 Fine, fine. Best animal friend.
853 00:53:04 That would be my dog Ozzy.
854 00:53:05 Okay, let's drop this increasingly
855 00:53:07 humiliating topic of conversation.
856 00:53:09 Bucket list. Give it to me.
857 00:53:11 Okay, there is one thing.
858 00:53:14 In Green Hills I've always felt,
859 00:53:16 I don't know, more like a baby sitter than a real cop, you know?
860 00:53:20 So, I want a chance to prove myself
861 00:53:21 under real pressure.
862 00:53:23 I'm gonna move to San Francisco, become a street cop.
863 00:53:26 And, I don't know, see if I have what it takes.
864 00:53:30 What?
865 00:53:32 Why is your face doing that?
866 00:53:34 You're leaving Green Hills?!
867 00:53:36 - Okay. - Bu... But... But why?
868 00:53:39 Why would you leave Green Hills?
869 00:53:40 This maybe hard for you to understand,
870 00:53:42 but Green Hills is a small town, it's a very small town.
871 00:53:45 It's not small. There are hundreds of people.
872 00:53:47 That's a small town, dude.
873 00:53:49 It's a perfect town, and the people need you.
874 00:53:52 Please, I clean up their gutters,
875 00:53:53 I jumpstart their cars in the winter.
876 00:53:55 They can call anybody to do that.
877 00:53:57 Sure, they can call anybody,
878 00:53:59 but the don't. They call you.
879 00:54:33 You're not making any sense.
880 00:54:35 Would you calm down?
881 00:54:35 You come from a great town with great people,
882 00:54:38 and by my count zero bad guys trying to kill you.
883 00:54:43 Besides, what could possibly be more important
884 00:54:45 than protecting the people you care about?
885 00:54:53 Look, I get...
886 00:54:57 Yeah!
887 00:55:05 You know what? I was wrong about you.
888 00:55:07 You're not the Donut Lord at all.
889 00:55:09 You're more like the Jerk Lord.
890 00:55:11 Have you noticed the harpoon stuck in our dash?!
891 00:55:20 Sonic!
892 00:55:21 I was forced from my home,
893 00:55:22 your home is perfect and you're leaving it.
894 00:55:25 Why would you do that?
895 00:55:26 - Your body! - No, no! Not again!
896 00:55:29 - Hey, hold on! - Why?
897 00:55:31 Because I'm gonna do this.
898 00:55:51 Sonic!
899 00:55:59 Guess I had a bonus life.
900 00:56:04 Yeah, baby!
901 00:56:05 Sonic - one, big tank - zero.
902 00:56:08 I'm sorry. Did we get this on camera?
903 00:56:10 - How are you not dead? - I have no idea.
904 00:56:13 But do you see me dancing?
905 00:56:14 - Yes, I saw your dance. - Is that all you've got?
906 00:56:17 No, but thank you for asking.
907 00:56:22 Sonic!
908 00:56:24 - Get back in the truck! - You go, I'll catch up.
909 00:56:38 I think that tank just had a baby.
910 00:56:53 Incoming!
911 00:56:56 - It's my turn! - You just had one. It's mine!
912 00:56:59 Hey, stop fighting, or I'm taking that thing away!
913 00:57:01 Yeah, right, Dad.
914 00:57:14 - Where are you going? - Just drive the car.
915 00:57:16 I'll take care of this.
916 00:57:18 And if I don't make it, just ditch me,
917 00:57:20 you seem good at that.
918 00:57:31 Hey, everyone, welcome back to my livestream.
919 00:57:33 Today, we're destroying robots. Step one.
920 00:57:41 Yes! We did it!
921 00:57:47 We did not do it. Who is this guy?
922 00:57:50 Ever wonder where your tax dollars are going?
923 00:57:52 My turn, here, just keep us going straight.
924 00:57:55 I put on cruise control.
925 00:57:57 I feel just like Vin Diesel.
926 00:57:59 It's all about family, Tom.
927 00:58:07 Quick suggestion.
928 00:58:09 Roll up into a ball and smash him with your body.
929 00:58:12 Whoa! Where'd you learn how to drive?!
930 00:58:15 Here, in this truck, it's happening as we speak.
931 00:58:21 I can't reach it, bring it in closer.
932 00:58:23 - What? - Bring it in closer. Hit the brakes.
933 00:58:25 - Oh, you mean this one? - The other brakes!
934 00:58:43 Give me a big fat break!
935 00:58:52 This one is cute, let's keep him.
936 00:58:57 Oh, come on!
937 00:58:59 How can something so adorable be so terrible.
938 00:59:04 You got car insurance, right?
939 00:59:13 Buzz off!
940 00:59:14 That doesn't sound good.
941 00:59:16 No, beeping means bad! Get rid of it!
942 00:59:17 I'm trying.
943 00:59:18 Just throw it off the window! Throw it anywhere!
944 00:59:20 - I can't get it off! - All right, I'm pulling over.
945 00:59:30 - Did I get it? - No.
946 00:59:34 Here, hold still.
947 00:59:36 It's going. It's going.
948 00:59:38 It's still here.
949 00:59:43 Get off me! Nailed it!
950 00:59:55 Sonic!
951 01:00:04 No, no.
952 01:00:12 Hey, come on. You're all right.
953 01:00:14 Wake up. Wake up.
954 01:00:23 Did we get them?
955 01:00:25 Oh, no, there they are.
956 01:00:27 They are real survivors, those two.
957 01:00:35 Can we have a moment?
958 01:00:39 Pin yourself to the wall.
959 01:00:42 You know, I won't miss you when you're gone.
960 01:00:44 Human beings are unreliable and stupid,
961 01:00:47 and I care very little about them.
962 01:00:48 But my machines are diligent, relentless.
963 01:00:51 They're everything to me!
964 01:01:31 Hold on, buddy. You'll be all right.
965 01:01:34 You'll be all right.
966 01:01:40 - I beg you, Rachel. - No, no. Not today.
967 01:01:42 - No. It's an emergency. - Goodbye.
968 01:01:43 Bye bye.
969 01:01:43 - Would you stop? Open it please. Maddie! - Bye. Bye.
970 01:01:45 Don't do this to me please. It's important.
971 01:01:47 Tom! Oh my God. Rachel let him in!
972 01:01:48 I am calling the Police. No,
973 01:01:49 I am calling the FBI. I am calling the CIA.
974 01:01:51 - I am calling someone. - Don't do that.
975 01:01:53 - I'm calling your Mother. - Okay. Got it.
976 01:01:54 Maddie, can we just...
977 01:01:55 Tom, what's going on?
978 01:01:56 You're all over the news. I've been trying to call you.
979 01:01:58 I had to ditch my phone so they couldn't track me.
980 01:02:00 - Ditch his phone? - Track? You?
981 01:02:02 - Uncle Tommy! - Jojo! Hey.
982 01:02:04 Now your niece is an accessory to treason.
983 01:02:06 She's not.
984 01:02:07 - Would you calm down. - Calm down? I will not calm down!
985 01:02:10 Yes, calm down. Stop talking.
986 01:02:12 No, Ozzy, please. I know, good to see you.
987 01:02:14 - No, no! Ozzy, stop! - Oh, good ol' Lord Baby Jesus!
988 01:02:17 What is that, Tom? Is it plutonium? Is it emails?
989 01:02:20 Yes, it's plutonium.
990 01:02:21 Can we just please... Can we just go to your room and talk...
991 01:02:23 Stop it, Ozzy! Quit it!
992 01:02:24 This is why I told you he was no good.
993 01:02:26 I'm not engaging...
994 01:02:27 - No, Ozzy, quit it! - Door now open.
995 01:02:29 - Locked. - No, it's unlocked.
996 01:02:30 Ozzy, no! Ozzy! No, no!
997 01:02:34 Oh, catch me, Jojo.
998 01:02:38 Oh, thank God!
999 01:02:41 Can I get a glass of water?
1000 01:04:23 I just thought you might like
1001 01:04:25 a latte with steamed Austrian goat milk.
1002 01:04:27 What do I look like, an imbecile?
1003 01:04:29 Of course, I want a latte!
1004 01:04:31 I love the way you make them!
1005 01:04:39 Ready the prototype.
1006 01:04:42 With this kind of power
1007 01:04:44 my machines can finally reach their full potential.
1008 01:04:54 He's gonna be okay, Jojo.
1009 01:04:57 Oh, thank God. He's gonna be okay, right?
1010 01:05:00 I'm a vet, Tom,
1011 01:05:00 I don't even know what I'm looking at here.
1012 01:05:03 Well, he's a hedgehog... Or so he says.
1013 01:05:05 - It talks? - Almost constantly.
1014 01:05:07 Okay.
1015 01:05:09 - Holy... - What?
1016 01:05:11 Its pulse is super fast.
1017 01:05:12 Well, that actually might be normal for him.
1018 01:05:15 I don't know. You gotta help him, Maddie.
1019 01:05:17 I don't know his physiology.
1020 01:05:18 He doesn't seem to have any broken bones. He's just...
1021 01:05:22 really banged up.
1022 01:05:25 Look at his poor little feet.
1023 01:05:30 Hang in there, buddy. You're gonna be all right.
1024 01:05:36 Jojo, untie your Mo... Jojo!
1025 01:05:39 Untie Mommy. Sweetie.
1026 01:05:42 Jojo!
1027 01:05:47 I have to go to the bathroom.
1028 01:05:48 He's gonna be okay, right?
1029 01:05:50 Like he's gonna snap outta this. He'll wake up soon.
1030 01:05:53 Oh, smelling salts! Don't you have like vet smelling salts,
1031 01:05:55 like for cats, or parakeets or something?
1032 01:05:58 - No, they don't make cat smelling salts. - They should.
1033 01:06:01 I have human smelling salts in my human first aid kit.
1034 01:06:06 Okay.
1035 01:06:10 Come on, buddy.
1036 01:06:11 Gotta go fast!
1037 01:06:16 Where am I? What year is it?
1038 01:06:17 Is the Rock President?
1039 01:06:18 Whoa, whoa, buddy. You're okay. Calm down.
1040 01:06:20 - Oh, hi Pretzel Lady! - Hi.
1041 01:06:24 Tom?
1042 01:06:25 - Yeah? - Can I talk to you please?
1043 01:06:30 Space hedgehog, stay there. Try to rest.
1044 01:06:32 You got it. I am great at resting.
1045 01:06:34 I rest better than anybody.
1046 01:06:35 Still talking.
1047 01:06:37 First of all, can we take a moment to acknowledge
1048 01:06:40 how under control I've been.
1049 01:06:41 - Amazing. - Didn't freak out.
1050 01:06:42 - No. - Totally calm.
1051 01:06:44 Thank you.
1052 01:06:47 Second of all,
1053 01:06:49 what the heck is going on?! Is that thing an alien?
1054 01:06:52 Okay, so, remember how Crazy Carl
1055 01:06:54 is always going on about the Blue Devil?
1056 01:06:57 - That's him. He's real? - Dah!
1057 01:07:00 What is he doing here? What are you doing here?
1058 01:07:03 I kinda sorta shot our little blue friend with your tranq gun.
1059 01:07:06 - No, you did not! - I didn't... I didn't mean to.
1060 01:07:09 Okay, this is kinda hard for me to explain.
1061 01:07:11 And it's gonna sound a little bit crazy.
1062 01:07:13 He has to get to the Transamerica building,
1063 01:07:15 and I promised I'd take him.
1064 01:07:17 Aliens?
1065 01:07:19 Maddie, your husband's lost his mind.
1066 01:07:21 You can use this as an opportunity to leave him.
1067 01:07:23 No one would judge you.
1068 01:07:30 So you won't hurt your feet anymore.
1069 01:07:33 Really?
1070 01:07:35 No one's ever given me a gift before.
1071 01:07:38 I gotta check that off my bucket list.
1072 01:07:50 All right. Lookin' good.
1073 01:07:55 Okay.
1074 01:07:56 You said you wanted to help people in real trouble, right?
1075 01:07:59 Well, that's what you're doing.
1076 01:08:01 Blue alien hedgehogs still count as people, right?
1077 01:08:05 - I think so, too. - Yeah.
1078 01:08:06 - I think. - Okay.
1079 01:08:08 I love you. Did I tell you that already?
1080 01:08:10 I don't deserve you, you know that?
1081 01:08:12 I know that.
1082 01:08:16 So,
1083 01:08:17 you're supposed to be Tom's best friend
1084 01:08:19 that he won't shut up about.
1085 01:08:22 Well, I don't see the appeal.
1086 01:08:25 Stop. That is very gross.
1087 01:08:31 So, my truck still runs,
1088 01:08:33 but it's pretty much totaled.
1089 01:08:35 You think your sister would mind if we borrowed her car?
1090 01:08:37 You have got to be kidding me!
1091 01:08:40 - She'll be fine. - Yes, let's do that.
1092 01:08:42 This is my house!
1093 01:08:47 Now this is my turn. And I pull around him.
1094 01:08:50 Sorry. And... perfect park.
1095 01:08:53 What are you, crazy?
1096 01:08:54 Is there anything you didn't hit?
1097 01:08:56 Why did we let the alien drive?
1098 01:08:58 Hey, I got us here.
1099 01:08:59 And please, five stars.
1100 01:09:02 So, this is it?
1101 01:09:04 That's it. That's your pyramid.
1102 01:09:06 - Wow! Look at that thing. - What happens now?
1103 01:09:10 - Oh, he's... gone. - Yup.
1104 01:09:14 No good. You need a special key to get to the roof.
1105 01:09:17 What now?
1106 01:09:19 Time for me to abuse the power entrusted to me.
1107 01:09:32 We got a jumper on the roof.
1108 01:09:34 Gotta get up there fast, or we're gonna
1109 01:09:35 have a human pancake on our hands.
1110 01:09:37 You came all the way from Montana?
1111 01:09:40 Yup, that's how serious it is.
1112 01:09:46 Okay.
1113 01:09:49 You just saved a life.
1114 01:09:54 Come on. Come on.
1115 01:09:59 How much longer? I can't breathe in here.
1116 01:10:04 Hello? Anybody there?
1117 01:10:07 Do you have your child in that bag?
1118 01:10:09 No.
1119 01:10:10 I mean yes, it's a child, but it's not mine.
1120 01:10:14 It's not your child?
1121 01:10:15 Relax, I'm a cop, okay?
1122 01:10:18 Plus he likes it in there, don't you, buddy?
1123 01:10:20 Why would I like it in here?
1124 01:10:21 This is worse than the dog cage you had me in earlier.
1125 01:10:25 Such a kidder.
1126 01:10:27 Okay.
1127 01:10:29 No, I'm scared of the dark! Is anybody there?
1128 01:10:45 What were you keeping in this bag?
1129 01:10:47 A jar of pickled farts?
1130 01:10:49 All right, all right, what are we looking for?
1131 01:10:54 This!
1132 01:10:55 Okay, what happens now?
1133 01:10:58 Now, all I have to do is think of
1134 01:10:59 where I want the other end of the ring to appear,
1135 01:11:01 - and I throw it. - So, that's it?
1136 01:11:03 - We did it? - Yeah. We did it.
1137 01:11:06 Hey, sorry we didn't get to do everything
1138 01:11:08 on your bucket list, pal.
1139 01:11:10 It's okay. I did the ones I needed the most.
1140 01:11:13 - You two are so cute, like... - Oh, please. What?
1141 01:11:17 - We are not. - No, we're not cute.
1142 01:11:19 We are a couple of loose cannons
1143 01:11:21 just living by our own rules.
1144 01:11:23 - Exactly. Yeah. - Really?
1145 01:11:24 And our rules include expressing heartfelt emotions.
1146 01:11:28 If you say so.
1147 01:11:29 Okay then.
1148 01:11:31 All right.
1149 01:11:33 - You gotta go, right? - Yeah, I gotta go, so...
1150 01:11:35 I gotta go. We gotta go, too.
1151 01:11:37 So, see... All right. Bye bye.
1152 01:11:42 Just one more thing.
1153 01:11:52 I'm sorry I was so hard on you.
1154 01:11:57 I know it's a tough decision
1155 01:11:58 for you to leave Green Hills.
1156 01:12:00 Walking away from something you care about
1157 01:12:03 has to be painful.
1158 01:12:05 You're not sure you really wanna go, huh?
1159 01:12:08 I don't wanna go, but I can't stay.
1160 01:12:11 As long as I'm here I put everyone in danger.
1161 01:12:14 I can't do that.
1162 01:12:17 I just want you to know that these last two days
1163 01:12:20 have been the best two days of my life.
1164 01:12:26 You know I never though I'd say this
1165 01:12:28 but I'm actually gonna miss you, you little Blue Devil.
1166 01:12:31 I'll miss you too, Donut Lord.
1167 01:12:34 Thank you.
1168 01:12:36 For what?
1169 01:12:38 For saving my life.
1170 01:12:57 Okay, did someone leave their 'Find my Phone' on?
1171 01:13:26 Welcome to San Francisco, Mr. Wachowski.
1172 01:13:30 Are you enjoying the clam chowder?
1173 01:13:32 It's the government wack job who keeps trying to kill us,
1174 01:13:35 unsuccessfully.
1175 01:13:36 Nice of you to swing by on your way to Comic-Con.
1176 01:13:38 Yeah, what are you wearing?
1177 01:13:41 It's a flight suit.
1178 01:13:43 Designed to modulate my body temperature and reduce drag.
1179 01:13:46 Yeah, and yet you're still are one.
1180 01:13:48 Good one, you are catching fire, Thomas.
1181 01:13:51 Oh, and speaking of heat, I see you've taken a lover.
1182 01:13:54 Does she have a name,
1183 01:13:55 or should we just call her 'collateral damage'?
1184 01:13:58 Hey, watch your mouth!
1185 01:13:59 Unless you want a little more of what I gave you earlier?
1186 01:14:02 Punched him in the face.
1187 01:14:03 Oh, you punched him right in the face. It was awesome.
1188 01:14:06 The time for talking is over! It's time to push buttons.
1189 01:14:09 Your flying eggs are pretty impressive,
1190 01:14:10 Mr. Eggman.
1191 01:14:12 But let's face it, you'll never catch me.
1192 01:14:14 Confidence,
1193 01:14:16 a fool's substitute for intelligence.
1194 01:14:26 That's not good.
1195 01:14:28 Sonic, I know you got the super speed and everything,
1196 01:14:30 but Maddie and I...
1197 01:14:31 Totally defenseless, probably gonna get blown up?
1198 01:14:33 Pretty much, yeah.
1199 01:14:35 Don't worry, I know exactly what to do.
1200 01:14:45 I was not expecting that.
1201 01:14:48 But I was expecting not to expect something,
1202 01:14:50 so it doesn't count.
1203 01:15:51 Come on!
1204 01:15:52 Com... Com... Come on! Come on!
1205 01:16:05 Green Hills
1206 01:16:21 Hi Tom. Glad you're here.
1207 01:16:24 Could use some help. Old Bessie is about to give birth.
1208 01:16:28 Give me a minute.
1209 01:16:32 Can I give you one genius piece of advice?
1210 01:16:35 Don't run.
1211 01:16:37 It'll only hurt more if you do.
1212 01:16:39 And it's bad for your joints, they proved it.
1213 01:16:42 All right, Eggman,
1214 01:16:43 you wanna get fast? Let's get fast.
1215 01:16:49 The hard way it is.
1216 01:17:09 That was an illegal left, by the way.
1217 01:17:14 So, here we are again.
1218 01:17:16 We've been through so much together.
1219 01:17:18 Now you understand why there's a psychotic robot-doctor
1220 01:17:20 chasing a super sonic blue hedgehog.
1221 01:17:22 Wanna know how it ends?
1222 01:17:24 Yeah, me too.
1223 01:17:43 How is this possible?! No one's ever caught up to me before.
1224 01:17:54 Coming through!
1225 01:17:58 Excusez-moi, monsieur.
1226 01:18:04 Here we go. Room to open it up.
1227 01:18:16 I can't lose him!
1228 01:18:32 If you can't beat him, blind him.
1229 01:18:37 Lost visual contact.
1230 01:18:44 You're not allowed up there!
1231 01:18:46 It's one of the Seven Wonders.
1232 01:19:12 - Get out of here! - Go! Go!
1233 01:19:22 You're an astonishing little creature.
1234 01:19:28 It'll be fun to take you back to the lab
1235 01:19:30 for a litany of invasive exploratory procedures.
1236 01:19:33 Any last words?
1237 01:19:35 Guac.
1238 01:19:37 I like that word.
1239 01:19:40 I don't have to tell you how many scientific breakthroughs
1240 01:19:42 have been made possible by animal testing.
1241 01:19:45 You're being very selfish.
1242 01:19:46 - Going my way? - What the...
1243 01:19:54 Who the hell do you think you are?!
1244 01:19:59 I'm the Donut Lord, you son of a...
1245 01:20:06 Autopilot, adjust.
1246 01:20:08 Why?
1247 01:20:10 Why would you throw your life away for this thing?
1248 01:20:13 That's why I don't have friends.
1249 01:20:15 Next thing you know, you're somebody's best man,
1250 01:20:17 they wanna have the wedding out of town.
1251 01:20:19 Like nobody has anything better to do!
1252 01:20:21 Anyway, where were we?
1253 01:20:23 Oh, yes,
1254 01:20:25 you were about to die.
1255 01:20:28 That's our Sheriff you're messing with.
1256 01:20:32 And our Blue Devil?
1257 01:20:33 Who as everyone can see is a very real creature,
1258 01:20:37 and not at all invented by me!
1259 01:20:42 - Be careful. - Just... pull it away...
1260 01:20:44 Tom.
1261 01:20:59 I don't mean to be indelicate here.
1262 01:21:01 But someone should get some ice to keep the body fresh.
1263 01:21:07 He's just a silly little alien.
1264 01:21:10 He didn't belong here!
1265 01:21:13 That little alien
1266 01:21:16 knew more about being human than you ever will.
1267 01:21:20 His name was Sonic.
1268 01:21:22 This was his home.
1269 01:21:25 And he was my friend.
1270 01:21:51 He's all yours.
1271 01:21:54 Everyone get back!
1272 01:21:59 I think you have something that belongs to me.
1273 01:22:12 This is my power!
1274 01:22:15 And I'm not using it to run away anymore.
1275 01:22:17 I'm using it to protect my friends!
1276 01:23:19 Now you've done it!
1277 01:23:20 Guess what, Eggman,
1278 01:23:22 I'm not leaving Earth.
1279 01:23:23 You are!
1280 01:23:25 Donut Lord?
1281 01:24:15 - Told you you got this. - Hey, we got this.
1282 01:24:30 - These belong to you. - Thank you very much.
1283 01:24:34 No more pushing people of the buildings.
1284 01:24:36 You know I can't promise that.
1285 01:24:41 You did pretty good, space hog.
1286 01:24:42 Thanks, Donut Lord.
1287 01:24:44 You're gonna have to explain this 'Donut Lord' thing.
1288 01:24:47 Nope, sorry,
1289 01:24:48 that's for me and the little guy. Right?
1290 01:24:50 We got our thing, you got your thing with your...
1291 01:24:52 - sister. - Oh my God, my sister.
1292 01:24:54 Gotta go fast. Gotta go fast.
1293 01:24:58 Jojo, put on my Fitbit.
1294 01:25:01 Then I can at least get some steps.
1295 01:25:03 We can never go back there.
1296 01:25:06 I mean, are we?
1297 01:25:09 'Cause it kinda feels like we're home right now.
1298 01:25:12 Really?
1299 01:25:15 I kinda feel like I checked the 'save the life'
1300 01:25:17 box off my bucket list.
1301 01:25:22 Now all I wanna do
1302 01:25:23 is to spend my life with the people I care about.
1303 01:25:27 I wanna check that box.
1304 01:25:30 Okay. I like that.
1305 01:25:32 All right, everybody. Nothing to see here.
1306 01:25:35 Disperse.
1307 01:25:36 Just another ordinary day in Green Hills.
1308 01:25:38 Carl, I'll take that chainsaw.
1309 01:25:40 Come on, let's go!
1310 01:25:42 You act like you've never seen a fight between
1311 01:25:44 an intergalactic space rodent and a robot with a doctorate.
1312 01:25:57 You got enough there?
1313 01:25:59 - Yes, Mr. Manager. - You need any more?
1314 01:26:01 You get that...boy...
1315 01:26:13 Mr. And Mrs. Wachowski?
1316 01:26:16 Yes?
1317 01:26:19 A token of appreciation from your government.
1318 01:26:22 For keeping quiet about recent incidents, which never occurred.
1319 01:26:29 - Wonder what it is. - Money to fix the house?
1320 01:26:31 - Letter from the President? - You'll see.
1321 01:26:34 Okay.
1322 01:26:37 $50
1323 01:26:38 - Olive Garden? - Yeah.
1324 01:26:41 The way you said "you'll see"
1325 01:26:43 made me think it was something better than the things we said.
1326 01:26:45 Have you tried their 'Never Ending Pasta Bowl'?
1327 01:26:48 It never ends.
1328 01:26:50 That sounds fancy.
1329 01:26:51 Well, thank you. We appreciate the gesture.
1330 01:26:55 Oh, hey, I guess we can close the file on that Robotnik guy, huh?
1331 01:26:58 Just disappeared?
1332 01:27:00 I'm sorry, but, no such person exists,
1333 01:27:03 or ever has existed.
1334 01:27:05 I wish that were true.
1335 01:27:06 You haven't by any chance been in contact
1336 01:27:08 with a certain alien creature since the incident, have you?
1337 01:27:11 Uncle Sam would love to have a chat with him.
1338 01:27:13 Very casual, brunch perhaps.
1339 01:27:17 Oh, you mean the little blue guy? No, no. Nothing.
1340 01:27:21 Doubt we'll ever hear from him again.
1341 01:27:25 - Very well. - Okay.
1342 01:27:27 - Thank you. - Great.
1343 01:27:31 Yup.
1344 01:27:36 To be honest, I'm pretty pumped about the pasta bowl.
1345 01:27:39 So, you guys wanna watch a movie or what?
1346 01:27:41 Sorry, buddy, it's a school night,
1347 01:27:42 it's time for you to go back to your cave.
1348 01:27:44 What? It's three in the afternoon!
1349 01:27:46 You know how you get when you're tired, come on.
1350 01:27:48 Me? I'm not like anything.
1351 01:27:50 - You guys are so uncool. - Yeah, yeah. We know.
1352 01:27:53 Hey, buddy, where are you going?
1353 01:27:55 You said I have to go back to my cave.
1354 01:27:57 We did.
1355 01:28:13 Oh my... Are you kidding me?
1356 01:28:17 I can't believe it.
1357 01:28:19 How did you...
1358 01:28:21 It... This is... It's all here.
1359 01:28:33 Look at this! Are you kidding?
1360 01:28:35 And the bean bag? No way!
1361 01:28:37 How did you even get this? How did you get it all over?
1362 01:28:41 I love it, I love it!
1363 01:28:46 Well, welcome home.
1364 01:28:49 Thank you so much.
1365 01:29:00 Oh, no, you don't.
1366 01:29:02 No second best animal friends allowed in my room.
1367 01:29:05 Wait, what are you doing? Stay away from me.
1368 01:29:08 Stop it. I'm warning you, I've got nunchucks.
1369 01:29:11 Hey, stop. Okay, you can stay.
1370 01:29:31 My grasp on sanity remains absolute.
1371 01:29:36 Isn't that right, Agent Stone?
1372 01:29:43 Why don't you get a head start.
1373 01:29:47 Do some rockconnaissance.
1374 01:29:50 Rockconnaissance. Come on, that's hilarious.
1375 01:29:53 What's the matter with you?!
1376 01:29:55 Here's the sitch. Uninhabited planet.
1377 01:30:00 No resources. No supplies.
1378 01:30:02 No apparent way home.
1379 01:30:06 A lesser man would die here.
1380 01:30:11 I'll be home by Christmas.
1381 01:30:32 Rockconnaissance!
1382 01:30:38 Come on, cheer up!
1383 01:32:41 If these readings are accurate, he's here.
1384 01:32:44 I found him!
1385 01:32:46 I just hope I'm not too late.
