龙虎少年队 21 Jump Street(EN)Subtitles
| SRT Subtitles download |
1 00:01:29 Hey
2 00:01:31 - Hey. - Look
3 00:01:34 we've known each other for a really long time.
4 00:01:39 And we live across the street from each other and stuff.
5 00:01:41 And...
6 00:01:44 I know
7 00:01:48 I'm sure
8 00:01:49 - You know
9 00:01:52 You're not asking me to prom
10 00:01:59 Fuck
11 00:02:01 No
12 00:02:03 - You're probably going with someone. - I'm sorry.
13 00:02:07 I don't know how to put this nicely.
14 00:02:09 There's not a nice way to put it.
15 00:02:10 You're a fucking nerd.
16 00:02:12 And
17 00:02:16 Look at her. Look at her.
18 00:02:18 - Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. - I'll see you later.
19 00:02:20 - Bye. - All right
20 00:02:22 Dude
21 00:02:25 Greg Jenko to the principal's office. Greg Jenko to the principal's office.
22 00:02:29 - Shit. - Good luck
23 00:02:31 I said loud and clear
24 00:02:33 if you didn't get your grades up
25 00:02:36 You
26 00:02:39 I should pay who?
27 00:02:41 You're not going to the prom.
28 00:02:43 Boy
29 00:02:47 But I'm going to be prom king.
30 00:02:49 I'm glad you had a great time in school.
31 00:02:51 'Cause you ain't learned nothing.
32 00:03:13 Fuck! Fuck!
33 00:03:28 Welcome to the Police Academy.
34 00:03:30 Make sure your form is completely filled out
35 00:03:36 Not-so-slim Shady
36 00:03:44 Jenko
37 00:03:46 Oh
38 00:03:50 - You're good at this
39 00:03:53 Thank you.
40 00:03:56 Such bullshit.
41 00:04:01 You're really good at this.
42 00:04:03 Yeah
43 00:04:05 Hey
44 00:04:10 Come on. Come on
45 00:04:13 Come on
46 00:04:16 I'm telling you right now
47 00:04:18 Chill
48 00:04:27 What did I tell you? Come on
49 00:04:29 Let's go
50 00:04:31 Faster. Let's go.
51 00:04:37 Clear!
52 00:04:39 Clear!
53 00:04:41 Come on
54 00:04:43 Yes! Yes!
55 00:04:48 Let me see. Let me see.
56 00:04:52 Nice.
57 00:04:55 Ten-hut! Ladies and gentlemen
58 00:04:57 I present to you the graduates of Class 137.
59 00:05:01 Get ready for a lifetime of being badass motherfuckers.
60 00:05:04 I am.
61 00:05:14 I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions
62 00:05:18 and less homeless people doo-dooing everywhere.
63 00:05:21 Do you guys really think this is a police matter?
64 00:05:23 To get your Frisbee back?
65 00:05:25 Get your own fucking Frisbee.
66 00:05:28 Shit.
67 00:05:31 Shit! Shit!
68 00:05:32 Yours isn't loaded
69 00:05:35 We're supposed to unload them first
70 00:05:37 What
71 00:05:38 That's no fun. Come on.
72 00:05:40 Sign says
73 00:05:42 It's right there.
74 00:05:43 - Don't you... Don't... - Don't. Stop it.
75 00:05:45 Don't. You did it. You fed the ducks.
76 00:05:48 You feel like a big shot?
77 00:05:51 No fucking way.
78 00:05:53 One Percenters?
79 00:05:55 These guys are
80 00:05:57 If we could take them down as our first bust
81 00:06:01 You see what I see?
82 00:06:03 Cannabis sativa.
83 00:06:06 Chaka Khan.
84 00:06:09 Chaka Khan?
85 00:06:26 Gentlemen. We having a little party?
86 00:06:29 Have we forgotten that the use of marijuana is illegal?
87 00:06:32 I have glaucoma.
88 00:06:34 I get nervous in crowds.
89 00:06:36 Herpes.
90 00:06:39 Then you won't mind if I search your bike
91 00:06:41 Go ahead. You won't find shit.
92 00:06:44 - Get up. - Célmate
93 00:06:46 Man
94 00:06:52 If those boys is cops
95 00:06:56 I know
96 00:06:59 It's hilarious.
97 00:07:00 So why don't you show us a little respect?
98 00:07:02 - Fuck you
99 00:07:03 You want me to beat your dick off?
100 00:07:05 You want to beat my dick off?
101 00:07:07 I'll beat your dick off with both hands. What's up'? Let's go.
102 00:07:09 - That's weird
103 00:07:11 he's going to punch you so many times around the genital area
104 00:07:14 that your dick's just going to fall off.
105 00:07:16 Why do you have salt in your...
106 00:07:17 - That's actual drugs. - Oh
107 00:07:19 Get on the ground! Hey!
108 00:07:21 - Come here now! - What do I do?
109 00:07:23 - Chase someone! - Chase someone?
110 00:07:24 Are you leaving your bike here?
111 00:07:27 Okay. All right.
112 00:07:31 Don't run from me! You're making it worse for yourself!
113 00:07:33 No! Get out of the way!
114 00:07:34 Stop!
115 00:07:36 I'm going to shoot you if you don't slow down
116 00:07:42 Hey! Come here!
117 00:07:43 I'm not playing any more! I'm so not kidding!
118 00:07:46 I got him. I got him.
119 00:07:54 Freeze! Freeze!
120 00:07:57 Hands up or I shoot you! Freeze!
121 00:07:58 That's it! Come here!
122 00:08:05 Freeze! Stop it!
123 00:08:10 You're a pussy!
124 00:08:13 You got the right to... Give me that! You got the right to...
125 00:08:18 ...to suck my dick
126 00:08:20 My elbow.
127 00:08:22 - You got nothing. - How's my dick feel in your ass
128 00:08:24 - Hey! Hey! - How's it feel? How's it feel now?
129 00:08:26 That's right. Schmidt! Schmidt
130 00:08:29 We got one! I got him!
131 00:08:30 Yes! Yes!
132 00:08:33 - Yeah ! - We got an arrest!
133 00:08:34 - Yeah! We got him! - Yes!
134 00:08:38 - Yeah! Fuck you! Yeah! - Fuck you! Yeah!
135 00:08:40 What's up?
136 00:08:42 Drop my nuts on your motherfucking forehead!
137 00:08:48 - That's right. - Fuck you
138 00:08:50 - We arrest people now! - What up
139 00:08:52 - What's up? What's up'? - What up
140 00:09:01 Congratulations on the bust
141 00:09:04 - Thank you
142 00:09:06 The department was forced to drop the charges
143 00:09:08 because you forgot to read him his Miranda rights.
144 00:09:11 What possible reason is there for not doing the only thing
145 00:09:16 you have to do when arresting someone?
146 00:09:18 I did read him his right... I did a version of that.
147 00:09:22 - Do you even know the Miranda rights? - Yes.
148 00:09:26 Let's hear them
149 00:09:27 You got a lot of stuff to do.
150 00:09:29 No
151 00:09:31 We got time.
152 00:09:32 I had a thing
153 00:09:35 Go ahead. It's four declamatory sentences
154 00:09:38 for a total of 57 words.
155 00:09:40 Okay. Look
156 00:09:44 I know you've heard this before. And then
157 00:09:47 I think it sounds something like...
158 00:09:51 -"You have the right to an attorney." - Well
159 00:09:54 "You have the right to remain an attorney."
160 00:09:57 Did you say that you have the right to be an attorney?
161 00:10:00 You do have the right to be an attorney
162 00:10:04 Where were you?
163 00:10:06 I was chasing my perp
164 00:10:09 And how did that go for you?
165 00:10:12 Honestly
166 00:10:13 and he threw me down pretty hard.
167 00:10:15 Actually fucked up my elbow pretty bad.
168 00:10:17 Can I see that?
169 00:10:19 Yeah
170 00:10:24 Wow.
171 00:10:25 Fortunately for you two
172 00:10:26 we're reviving a canceled undercover police program from the '80s
173 00:10:30 and revamping it for modern times.
174 00:10:32 You see
175 00:10:33 lack creativity and are completely out of ideas
176 00:10:37 so all they do now is recycle shit from the past
177 00:10:41 and expect us all not to notice.
178 00:10:43 One of these programs involves the use of young
179 00:10:47 immature-seeming officers.
180 00:10:49 Sir
181 00:10:52 a child sex slavery ring or something?
182 00:10:55 Sir
183 00:11:00 It's just... I'd prefer not to.
184 00:11:03 I think you idiots are perfect.
185 00:11:05 You're officially transferred.
186 00:11:06 - All right. Yeah. - That's great.
187 00:11:08 Where should we report to?
188 00:11:10 Down on Jump Street.
189 00:11:12 37 Jump Street.
190 00:11:14 No
191 00:11:17 Is it...
192 00:11:21 This has got to be a joke.
193 00:11:23 This is it.
194 00:11:32 Aroma of Christ Church?
195 00:11:51 How's it going?
196 00:11:56 This place is weird.
197 00:12:09 Everybody comfortable?
198 00:12:11 Yeah.
199 00:12:14 Get your motherfucking ass up when I'm talking!
200 00:12:18 You will be going undercover as high school students.
201 00:12:22 You are here simply because you look young.
202 00:12:26 You some Justin Beaver
203 00:12:28 Miley Cyrus-looking motherfuckers.
204 00:12:31 Captain Sassy.
205 00:12:33 I know what you're thinking
206 00:12:35 "Angry Black Captain."
207 00:12:37 It ain't nothing but a stupid stereotype.
208 00:12:40 Well
209 00:12:42 I'm black.
210 00:12:44 And I worked my ass off to be the captain!
211 00:12:49 And sometimes I get angry.
212 00:12:51 So suck a dick!
213 00:12:54 What I'm trying to show you is
214 00:12:55 embrace your stereotypes.
215 00:12:59 Like this guy right here. Handsome.
216 00:13:02 And he's probably a dummy.
217 00:13:04 And then this guy.
218 00:13:06 He's short and insecure.
219 00:13:09 And he's probably good with money.
220 00:13:10 - You are good with money. - What the fuck?
221 00:13:13 Didn't somebody tell you guys this was an undercover unit?
222 00:13:15 I don't... I actually didn't...
223 00:13:17 I didn't get a letter or anything.
224 00:13:18 - Yeah
225 00:13:21 Teenage the fuck up!
226 00:13:25 Rule number one at Jump Street. Fugazy.
227 00:13:28 Do not get expelled.
228 00:13:30 Nobody in the system knows you're here. All right? Nobody.
229 00:13:33 You get kicked out of school
230 00:13:35 your monkey ass is getting kicked out of Jump Street.
231 00:13:38 Rule number two. Burns.
232 00:13:41 Do not have sexual relations with students or teachers
233 00:13:45 You hear that? That's you.
234 00:13:48 - Don't do it
235 00:13:49 - Keep that dirty dick in your pants. - Dirty?
236 00:13:52 Don't fuck no students.
237 00:13:54 Don't fuck no teachers.
238 00:13:56 Sir
239 00:13:59 but I promise you we will be super professional on the job.
240 00:14:02 Clearly
241 00:14:05 You cherub-looking motherfucker.
242 00:14:07 I was talking to your partner over here.
243 00:14:10 Fake-ass Handsome McGee.
244 00:14:12 When I'm talking to him
245 00:14:14 When I say
246 00:14:15 - I'm talking to you. - Cool.
247 00:14:17 Now
248 00:14:20 Right now!
249 00:14:22 Hi. I am Billiam Willingham.
250 00:14:24 So I bought these
251 00:14:26 which is all anybody seems to be talking about right now.
252 00:14:30 Cheers.
253 00:14:32 It's a new synthetic drug.
254 00:14:33 Goes by the street name H.F.S.
255 00:14:37 Holy fucking shit.
256 00:14:39 Holy...
257 00:14:40 They put this on the Internet for everybody to see?
258 00:14:42 They're teenagers
259 00:14:45 So you should blend right in.
260 00:15:03 Jessica
261 00:15:21 I could watch this kid all day.
262 00:15:23 Man
263 00:15:24 Ruled.
264 00:15:25 His parents found him OD'd in his room a few days ago.
265 00:15:29 He's dead.
266 00:15:32 Whatever he took
267 00:15:35 And as you can see
268 00:15:38 That means people actually give a shit.
269 00:15:41 Sir
270 00:15:48 Right now
271 00:15:52 Now
272 00:15:56 Jenko
273 00:16:00 I enrolled you in a bunch of bullshit courses
274 00:16:03 like photography and drama.
275 00:16:05 Get in with the burnouts and the cool kids.
276 00:16:08 Find out who's slinging this shit.
277 00:16:09 Schmidt
278 00:16:12 -through high school. - It says that?
279 00:16:13 No. I just assumed it
280 00:16:15 due to your many years on the honor roll and your membership to the juggling squad.
281 00:16:21 It's the Juggling Society
282 00:16:24 They're stealing equipment from the chemistry lab.
283 00:16:26 That's what we think they're cooking the dope with.
284 00:16:29 I enrolled you into honors chemistry.
285 00:16:31 Here's your new identities
286 00:16:34 Brad and Doug McQuaid.
287 00:16:37 The mission is this.
288 00:16:38 Infiltrate the dealers
289 00:16:41 We get to be brothers?
290 00:16:43 Infiltrate the dealers
291 00:16:46 But if we find the supplier first
292 00:16:48 God damn. Infiltrate the dealers
293 00:17:08 Hey
294 00:17:10 I don't know if you only cater to Korean Christians
295 00:17:14 or if you even exist. No offense.
296 00:17:21 I just...
297 00:17:25 I'm really freaked out about going back to high school.
298 00:17:31 It was just so fucking hard the first time.
299 00:17:36 I know we haven't made our first arrest
300 00:17:41 Korean Jesus
301 00:17:44 I'm sorry for swearing so much.
302 00:17:48 The end?
303 00:17:50 I don't really know how to end a prayer. The end?
304 00:17:53 Yeah.
305 00:17:59 Hey! Hey!
306 00:18:01 Stop fucking with Korean Jesus!
307 00:18:03 He ain't got time for your problems. He busy!
308 00:18:06 With Korean shit.
309 00:18:07 - You two get to your mama house ASAP. - What?
310 00:18:10 You're teenagers now
311 00:18:12 You two are staying at Schmidt's parents' house
312 00:18:15 for the duration of this assignment.
313 00:18:16 Fuck me.
314 00:18:18 This house is adorable.
315 00:18:22 My baby's home! Come here.
316 00:18:23 You will always be my infant angel baby child.
317 00:18:25 There's my QW-
318 00:18:27 It's great to see you guys.
319 00:18:29 - Hey. - Schmidt family! Up top
320 00:18:32 Oh
321 00:18:34 - This is unbelievable. - Well
322 00:18:36 - I guess I did. - It's gorgeous!
323 00:18:39 So are you.
324 00:18:40 Honey
325 00:18:44 'cause we're kind of using that as a workout area
326 00:18:45 so I hope you don't mind the elliptical.
327 00:18:47 No
328 00:18:50 Don't touch that. We just brought it back from Sedona.
329 00:18:52 Guys
330 00:18:54 I mean
331 00:18:56 -and you guys haven't moved on. - Rid of it?
332 00:18:58 If we take it down
333 00:19:01 I look like Fred Savage from The Wonder Years
334 00:19:03 but completely naked
335 00:19:06 That is a great picture
336 00:19:08 You look like a young Jay Leno.
337 00:19:09 Am I even wearing underwear in this picture?
338 00:19:13 No.
339 00:19:15 I remember. You know why?
340 00:19:16 Because I've told it to a therapist about 8
341 00:19:19 I mean
342 00:19:24 It's literally a medal for sucking.
343 00:19:25 - No
344 00:19:27 Let me tell you something. This guy was always a great tryer.
345 00:19:32 That must be Phyllis. She is just dying to see you.
346 00:19:34 What? Mom
347 00:19:38 I told you
348 00:19:41 "Undercover." That's so cute.
349 00:19:44 - I'm going upstairs. - Okay
350 00:19:47 -we are so glad you're here. - Okay.
351 00:19:48 That's great. Thank you.
352 00:19:50 - All right. Where is he? - He's upstairs.
353 00:19:53 He just needs to take a little rest
354 00:19:56 - Bye-bye. - I baked muffins!
355 00:19:58 If you don't know your identity
356 00:20:00 You got to study this stuff.
357 00:20:02 Forget those identities. They're bullshit. They said I was held back a year.
358 00:20:05 You were. You were held back two years.
359 00:20:07 Just 'cause it's a fake backstory doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings.
360 00:20:10 Fuck! Socks don't match.
361 00:20:12 I got to start all over.
362 00:20:14 It's the first day of school
363 00:20:16 You know
364 00:20:19 and I wasn't as much.
365 00:20:22 We didn't really get along in high school.
366 00:20:26 You don't think that's going to happen again
367 00:20:28 No. Come on
368 00:20:32 It's definitely not going to happen again.
369 00:20:34 - We're good. - Cool.
370 00:20:42 Beautiful day out there
371 00:20:45 Just shut up.
372 00:20:47 "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
373 00:20:50 "You have the right to an attorney.
374 00:20:52 "If you cannot afford an attorney
375 00:20:55 Dude
376 00:20:58 Come on
377 00:21:05 All right
378 00:21:07 - Whoa
379 00:21:09 What are you doing?
380 00:21:10 - What? What are you talking about? - Are you two-strapping?
381 00:21:13 - My backpack? Yeah. - Yeah
382 00:21:16 You got to one-strap it.
383 00:21:17 Seriously
384 00:21:20 Okay
385 00:21:21 I was cool in high school
386 00:21:24 Okay
387 00:21:27 The Three Keys of Coolness in High School
388 00:21:31 One
389 00:21:35 Okay? Two
390 00:21:38 Three
391 00:21:40 Four
392 00:21:43 you punch them directly in the face.
393 00:21:45 Five
394 00:21:48 Shit.
395 00:21:54 All right
396 00:21:56 revving up the engine and shit
397 00:21:59 We would never.
398 00:22:01 Come on
399 00:22:05 - Hey' You ready? - Go! '
400 00:22:15 That was awesome! That was amazing.
401 00:22:17 - Was I flying'? - That was amazing.
402 00:22:19 All right
403 00:22:20 - Okay
404 00:22:29 You okay?
405 00:22:32 I think I shit my pants.
406 00:22:41 Hey
407 00:22:42 - It'll make us look cool. - That's awesome.
408 00:23:00 Dude?
409 00:23:02 - Everybody's two-strapping it. - Just stay with the one-strap.
410 00:23:05 I can't. I can't. I can't right now.
411 00:23:06 What are you doing? What are you doing? Don't succumb to the peer pressure.
412 00:23:09 - What are you doing? - You're supposed to use two straps.
413 00:23:11 - One strap is peer pressure. - No. No. You're fucking up right now.
414 00:23:14 Okay
415 00:23:17 Those are nerds.
416 00:23:20 I don't know what they are.
417 00:23:24 What the fuck are those things?
418 00:23:26 I'm so confused right now.
419 00:23:35 Whoa.
420 00:23:39 - Hi. - Hey.
421 00:23:41 - Hey. - Good morning.
422 00:23:44 Hey
423 00:23:47 - Is that your car? - Yeah.
424 00:23:49 What's that thing get
425 00:23:51 No
426 00:23:54 - What about you? - Biodiesel
427 00:23:56 Smells like egg rolls.
428 00:23:57 Yeah
429 00:24:01 But we try to ride bikes when we can. Global crisis and whatnot.
430 00:24:05 Whatever
431 00:24:07 You don't care about the environment? That's kind of fucked up
432 00:24:10 Hey
433 00:24:12 I'm trying to study. Thanks.
434 00:24:14 Look at him. He's trying.
435 00:24:17 He's actually trying. What a nerd.
436 00:24:19 Look at the nerd. Look at the nerd.
437 00:24:21 - Look at him. Look at the nerd. - Who you calling a nerd
438 00:24:23 I'm sorry. What...
439 00:24:26 - Shit! - Shit
440 00:24:28 Are you okay
441 00:24:30 Well
442 00:24:31 - You punched me because I'm gay? - What?
443 00:24:34 No. Come on.
444 00:24:36 That's not cool
445 00:24:37 That is really insensitive.
446 00:24:39 I didn't punch him because he's gay.
447 00:24:40 I punched him
448 00:24:44 - I was gay when you punched me! - In a weird way
449 00:24:47 it might have been homophobic not to punch you
450 00:24:49 -just because you were gay. - Right.
451 00:24:51 You punched a little gay black kid in the face
452 00:24:53 and it's not even second period. How do you explain that?
453 00:24:56 Mr. Dadier
454 00:24:58 Look
455 00:25:00 A kid died the other day from drugs
456 00:25:03 and nobody
457 00:25:07 That's weird
458 00:25:09 And then you two show up
459 00:25:12 causing trouble in my school.
460 00:25:14 I am one more black gay kid getting punched in the face
461 00:25:17 away from a nervous breakdown. Do I make myself clear?
462 00:25:20 You guys cross my line again
463 00:25:22 and you walk into this office
464 00:25:26 All right
465 00:25:31 Let's do that again and pretend you guys aren't weird.
466 00:25:33 Which one of you is named Doug?
467 00:25:36 - No
468 00:25:38 So that means your name is Doug
469 00:25:40 - Yeah
470 00:25:42 Here are your class schedules.
471 00:25:43 Funny
472 00:25:46 I wouldn't. But you as a drama geek
473 00:25:49 Thank you.
474 00:25:50 Now we have the wrong identities
475 00:25:52 I'm in drama. I suck at drama. It's girly and embarrassing.
476 00:25:55 Oh
477 00:25:58 I can fake my way through band practice and app chemistry for a few weeks.
478 00:26:01 AP Chemistry. AP Chemistry. And
479 00:26:04 because you don't even know what it's actually fucking called!
480 00:26:07 It's going to be fine. You go to my classes
481 00:26:10 Okay
482 00:26:13 Fuck.
483 00:26:14 So
484 00:26:19 Billiam would've wanted the show to go on.
485 00:26:23 When I was a young actorjust starting out in New York state
486 00:26:27 Albany
487 00:26:28 - I booked a local television commercial... - Hey.
488 00:26:31 ...In which I had to play a young man...
489 00:26:33 It's really sad about that kid. He was talented.
490 00:26:36 So are you saying if he wasn't talented
491 00:26:40 No. No
492 00:26:45 I was just busting your balls.
493 00:26:49 Okay. Good.
494 00:26:52 I remember
495 00:26:58 and we were having so much fun.
496 00:27:00 And then I realized that she was dead.
497 00:27:05 I remember one summer...
498 00:27:06 Do kids still do this stuff?
499 00:27:09 Even after what happened to him?
500 00:27:11 Everyone's saying that Billiam had a heart murmur.
501 00:27:14 Pretty much everyone I know does it
502 00:27:17 It's not really my thing
503 00:27:19 but a buddy of mine really wants it.
504 00:27:22 Who would he call if he wanted it?
505 00:27:25 Well
506 00:27:28 that if he really wanted it
507 00:27:30 it's not so hard to find.
508 00:27:32 When to take it. He shouldn't have been taking it at all.
509 00:27:35 Drugs are bad.
510 00:27:37 But they can have their place in the life of a professional actor.
511 00:27:41 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
512 00:27:43 Notice the distinction. I said "professional actor."
513 00:27:49 New person. Mr. Texty Texty.
514 00:27:52 Since you have so much to say to Molly
515 00:27:55 let's see if you can be Peter to our Wendy.
516 00:27:58 You look like you might have a little Peter inside of you.
517 00:28:02 I can't. I'm fine just being a tree or something
518 00:28:05 Doug
519 00:28:08 what you can't achieve before you don't achieve it.
520 00:28:11 My point is
521 00:28:12 you have to. Everyone auditions for Peter.
522 00:28:17 Yeah
523 00:28:19 My favorite molecule is water.
524 00:28:20 I'd marry it
525 00:28:23 Its solid form floats on its liquid form
526 00:28:27 It allowed life to form on ancient Mars
527 00:28:32 H2O.
528 00:28:34 H2O. H2O.
529 00:28:37 - H20 - It's okay. Thank you.
530 00:28:40 Thank you
531 00:28:43 All right
532 00:28:46 Okay. Time for a pop Quiznos.
533 00:28:48 A what?
534 00:28:50 I'm sorry.
535 00:28:51 What is your name? Brad?
536 00:28:53 - Brad. Yes
537 00:28:55 Brad. Big.
538 00:28:59 What is a pop Quiznos?
539 00:29:00 It's a quiz
540 00:29:07 - Today's quiz is on... - You look really old.
541 00:29:10 - Were you held back or something or... - No. You look super young.
542 00:29:14 Were you held forward?
543 00:29:17 I went to school in France
544 00:29:19 And they do
545 00:29:23 French
546 00:29:26 That's cool
547 00:29:29 Hey.
548 00:29:33 Good luck.
549 00:29:49 I've gotta crow
550 00:29:53 I'm just the cleverest...
551 00:29:55 Okay.
552 00:29:58 Maybe try one cooler.
553 00:30:01 And faster.
554 00:30:03 And louder. And better.
555 00:30:07 And less insecure and more just cool.
556 00:30:15 Okay
557 00:30:18 I'm going to run outside
558 00:30:19 and I'm going to utilize those
559 00:30:33 It's such bullshit.
560 00:30:42 Wow. You're fast.
561 00:30:44 Not like that. Just
562 00:30:47 Let me check out your chest.
563 00:30:49 Check out your test... Let me...
564 00:30:51 Let me grade your quiz.
565 00:30:57 Can I go take a dump?
566 00:31:00 Yeah
567 00:31:03 We have this "hurry back" rule
568 00:31:06 so if you're not back in six minutes
569 00:31:10 Rules are rules
570 00:31:12 I guess this will have to be a quickie.
571 00:31:15 - Which way is yearbook? - I don't know.
572 00:31:16 - Is it this way? - I don't know!
573 00:31:33 - Yo. - Hey.
574 00:31:36 YOU guys
575 00:31:38 That was a total mix-up
576 00:31:41 - Yeah. - He feels awful. He feels...
577 00:31:42 Totally
578 00:31:44 You're the dealer?
579 00:31:47 - You're the dealer guy? - Is that you?
580 00:31:48 Yep.
581 00:31:50 So do you make the stuff or...
582 00:31:51 Do I look like a fucking scientist? No
583 00:31:54 - Yeah
584 00:31:56 - I meant I just... - How many you guys want?
585 00:31:58 20 bucks a pop.
586 00:32:01 One each? One pop each of drugs.
587 00:32:04 You guys aren't narcs
588 00:32:06 Whoa!
589 00:32:08 - Dude
590 00:32:10 You know who calls people narcs?
591 00:32:12 Narcs
592 00:32:14 First of all
593 00:32:17 because if you call us narcs
594 00:32:19 if narcs call people narcs
595 00:32:22 -'Cause you just said that. - They call people...
596 00:32:24 Look
597 00:32:27 - Jesus. - Yes.
598 00:32:28 - Yes
599 00:32:31 All right
600 00:32:33 I'm sorry. What?
601 00:32:35 - We were going to take it home. - I gotta go back to class
602 00:32:38 -is the only thing. - I was thinking that I was going to go home
603 00:32:40 maybe turn down the lights
604 00:32:42 getting snuggy
605 00:32:43 I was going to take it
606 00:32:45 Okay
607 00:32:48 I got to finish the girls' volleyball page by lunch.
608 00:32:52 Yeah?
609 00:32:55 Yeah
610 00:32:57 - I love doing drugs at school. - I'll just take the drugs right here
611 00:33:01 in our mouths.
612 00:33:03 There you go. That's it.
613 00:33:10 What is that? Barbecue? Cool Ranch?
614 00:33:13 Have fun.
615 00:33:16 - You got to pull the trigger! - Okay.
616 00:33:17 You got to pull the trigger!
617 00:33:19 - We got to throw up
618 00:33:21 We gotta throw up. That kid
619 00:33:23 Just think of something gross. Think of something gross.
620 00:33:25 - You fucking think of something. - Okay
621 00:33:28 Your grandma's vagina
622 00:33:30 - What the fuck are you saying? - I don't know! I'm just trying!
623 00:33:32 - I'm trying my best! I'm just trying! - Fuck! Come on
624 00:33:34 Dude
625 00:33:36 - No! - Yeah.
626 00:33:38 No
627 00:33:39 - Do you wanna die? Do you wanna die? - Okay
628 00:33:42 Let's go. Come on. Come on! Come on!
629 00:33:52 What are you doing? Are you trying to find my G-spot?
630 00:33:54 - Just stick it in! - I don't know. I've never done this before!
631 00:33:56 Just stick it in! Go!
632 00:34:02 Cut your fucking fingernails!
633 00:34:06 Oh
634 00:34:09 Is it me?
635 00:34:10 I'm sorry.
636 00:34:12 I just can't sometimes.
637 00:34:14 Think we're going to be fine. I don't feel anything.
638 00:34:16 Me
639 00:34:17 Hey! Whoa
640 00:34:20 You got a pass for running around the hallways like a couple of ding-a-lings?
641 00:34:22 Pass
642 00:34:24 Hello.
643 00:34:26 Damn. You guys are late.
644 00:34:28 Now I'm going to have to take you to the principal's office.
645 00:34:30 - No
646 00:34:34 You have exceptional muscle tone there
647 00:34:36 When'd you go through puberty? Like
648 00:34:39 You look like you're in your mid-20s
649 00:34:42 McQuaid
650 00:34:44 I read your file.
651 00:34:45 You got a lot of something special going on there
652 00:34:48 What the hell was that? God damn it
653 00:34:51 Don't ever raise your hand to me like that again
654 00:34:53 I consider that a threat.
655 00:34:54 I was just saying that I'm Doug.
656 00:34:56 I'm Doug McQuaid. See
657 00:34:59 That's Brad.
658 00:35:00 You're the new kid who's All County in track?
659 00:35:03 Yes
660 00:35:06 the track star
661 00:35:13 He's really fast.
662 00:35:18 Is this funny to you guys?
663 00:35:27 So you're Doug. You're Doug. You're Doug.
664 00:35:30 You're Doug. You're Doug.
665 00:35:31 Here's the deal.
666 00:35:33 My track team is full of physically incapable rejects.
667 00:35:36 I mean
668 00:35:39 at how spastic they are
669 00:35:43 so I need you.
670 00:35:45 I need me some Doug McQuaid.
671 00:35:47 Understand?
672 00:35:48 I need you to run anchor on the 4 X 400 at today's track meet.
673 00:35:52 You do that
674 00:35:55 Don't blow on me
675 00:35:58 I haven't trained.
676 00:36:00 Guys
677 00:36:04 Do we have a deal?
678 00:36:07 Yes.
679 00:36:09 Nice.
680 00:36:13 I don't like that. Put your tongue back in your mouth.
681 00:36:16 Put your tongue in your mouth
682 00:36:19 What are you doing? Stop it.
683 00:36:21 Actually
684 00:36:23 All right
685 00:36:27 Are you guys on drugs?
686 00:36:35 Okay.
687 00:36:36 One particle of Unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor.
688 00:36:39 Carry the two
689 00:36:44 Fuck you
690 00:36:52 All right
691 00:36:54 We're good. We're good
692 00:36:56 We're good
693 00:36:59 Good work. Hit that shit.
694 00:37:08 I've gotta crow
695 00:37:12 I'm just the cleverest fellow
696 00:37:14 'Twas ever my fortune to know
697 00:37:18 I taught a trick to my shadow
698 00:37:21 To stick to the tip of my toe
699 00:37:24 I've gotta crow
700 00:37:29 I've gotta
701 00:37:33 Crow!
702 00:37:39 Christoph
703 00:37:41 Who are you?
704 00:37:46 Welcome aboard
705 00:37:59 No
706 00:38:00 Keep it going. That was so tight!
707 00:38:03 No
708 00:38:08 All right
709 00:38:11 All right! Yeah!
710 00:38:13 I like it! I like the confidence
711 00:38:16 I know y'all seen this shit before.
712 00:38:18 I know you've seen this shit before.
713 00:38:20 Huge lead! Huge lead! We got this. All right.
714 00:38:23 You're looking amped!
715 00:38:27 Here we go.
716 00:38:28 Here we go! Here we go!
717 00:38:30 Hey
718 00:38:32 Hey
719 00:38:37 What are you doing? Pick it...
720 00:38:38 What? McQuaid!
721 00:38:41 Don't throw the baton
722 00:38:44 Come on!
723 00:38:46 McQuaid!
724 00:38:47 Run that way!
725 00:38:50 Spike that! Fuck you
726 00:38:55 Let's go
727 00:38:58 Let's go! Come on!
728 00:38:59 Oh
729 00:39:02 No
730 00:39:03 No
731 00:39:05 Come here. Come here.
732 00:39:06 Don't make a...
733 00:39:08 That is a baton penis.
734 00:39:19 Speak of the devil!
735 00:39:21 Dude
736 00:39:24 Organized sports are so fascist. It makes me sick.
737 00:39:27 That's just what I do.
738 00:39:28 Okay. Shit
739 00:39:33 I don't get this school.
740 00:39:36 That was awesome.
741 00:39:40 Okay
742 00:39:42 It's awesome. You're really going to like it.
743 00:39:43 All yarn work was done by Jenko.
744 00:39:45 Okay
745 00:39:47 but they're not normal popular.
746 00:39:48 They're these crunchy granola dudes that have convinced everyone
747 00:39:51 that they're cool
748 00:39:53 It's backwards and unnatural
749 00:39:55 Lead dealer
750 00:39:57 Sick chicks
751 00:40:00 Did the AIDS run this year.
752 00:40:01 He's getting into Berkeley
753 00:40:03 and he totally gets me.
754 00:40:05 Who put this together'? Are you autistic?
755 00:40:07 It is artistic
756 00:40:09 -the yarn actually indicates... - We're compiling a list
757 00:40:12 of suspicious types at school. The users are here.
758 00:40:14 This kid was actually talking to a tree this morning.
759 00:40:16 Cut the bullshit!
760 00:40:17 I want to know who's the supplier.
761 00:40:20 We don't know. That's why there's a question mark on his face.
762 00:40:23 That's not the way his face looks. That's just a question mark.
763 00:40:25 Infiltrate the dealers
764 00:40:28 Simple.
765 00:40:29 Sounds like you guys really cracked the whole case.
766 00:40:33 Great job. You guys are on fire
767 00:40:34 - So proud. - Like you could do any better?
768 00:40:37 We just brought down a group of wannabe thugs
769 00:40:39 stripping down cars in the Garfield High metal shop.
770 00:40:41 - What? - Meanwhile
771 00:40:44 finger-popping each other's assholes.
772 00:40:46 We're not finger-popping each other's assholes.
773 00:40:49 What we're doing is getting shit done.
774 00:40:52 Yeah
775 00:40:53 I'm about to infiltrate a super high-tech
776 00:40:55 drug manufacturing ring in the chemistry classroom.
777 00:41:05 - Password! - Open the door!
778 00:41:07 - You have to say the password. - I'm sorry. What?
779 00:41:09 What are you...
780 00:41:12 Geez.
781 00:41:17 What are y'all doing? How'd you get a key in here?
782 00:41:19 Ms. Griggs gave us one so we could work
783 00:41:23 Bakugan? You dealing drugs?
784 00:41:25 - Let me see. You dealing drugs? - No.
785 00:41:26 It's just a card game. It's
786 00:41:28 - See? They open up. - Battle Brawlers.
787 00:41:30 - You're not doing anything illegal? - No.
788 00:41:32 - What are you doing in here? - I'm here to study.
789 00:41:36 Good. You could use it. You're pretty far behind
790 00:41:38 You're behind. I'm ahead.
791 00:41:41 - I know everything. - Really'?
792 00:41:43 What's a covalent bond?
793 00:41:45 Fuck you
794 00:41:47 I wasn't trying to be rude. Sorry
795 00:41:49 I just... I don't think you know everything.
796 00:41:52 I know everything.
797 00:41:54 Okay.
798 00:42:02 What kind of bullshit do they say about a covalent bond in this school?
799 00:42:06 They say it's when two atoms share both their electrons.
800 00:42:10 It helps them to stick together.
801 00:42:13 I could help you out if you want
802 00:42:16 What are you doing with all those phones anyway?
803 00:42:19 I crack and jailbreak kids' phones to try and save for college.
804 00:42:21 You know
805 00:42:24 Can you listen in on phone calls and stuff?
806 00:42:26 No
807 00:42:30 or anything that the mic picks up.
808 00:42:31 - I can't do that at all. - Wait
809 00:42:34 No
810 00:42:36 - Is he being sarcastic? - I don't know.
811 00:42:39 So you can.
812 00:42:45 Liking comic books is popular.
813 00:42:47 Environmental awareness
814 00:42:50 If I was just born 10 years later
815 00:42:53 I know. It's bullshit.
816 00:42:56 You know what?
817 00:42:57 I totally know the cause.
818 00:43:00 Glee. Fuck you
819 00:43:03 Man
820 00:43:06 I might become popular. I might get in with the popular kids.
821 00:43:10 We just have to do something wildly irresponsible to earn their trust.
822 00:43:14 You saying we should throw a party?
823 00:43:15 I'll invite Molly
824 00:43:18 and that'll be the quickest way for me to bro down with him.
825 00:43:20 Wouldn't it be better if we both infiltrated the cool kids' group?
826 00:43:23 I think it would be better if you get in
827 00:43:24 with the nerdy kids and see what's going on over there.
828 00:43:26 That'd be the best thing for the case.
829 00:43:28 Yeah. I mean
830 00:43:40 - Hello? - Hey. Is this Molly?
831 00:43:42 Speaking.
832 00:43:44 Hey. It's Schmidt.
833 00:43:46 It's Doug Schmug McQuaid.
834 00:43:49 Hey
835 00:43:52 It's so weird that you're calling me.
836 00:43:54 I pretty much text except for when a random old relative calls.
837 00:43:58 I was just calling 'cause we're costarring in this play together
838 00:44:02 -and. . . - Hello ?
839 00:44:03 Mom
840 00:44:04 Sorry
841 00:44:06 -my teen son. - Mom!
842 00:44:08 I love you
843 00:44:10 Mom
844 00:44:16 I'm sorry. My mom's such a dick.
845 00:44:19 She just
846 00:44:23 Wow. You're a sharer. I dig that.
847 00:44:27 Well
848 00:44:30 There was this one month where she bought me 43 stuffed animals.
849 00:44:34 The doctor thought I was gonna spontaneously grow a vagina.
850 00:44:37 I didn't
851 00:44:39 Yeah
852 00:44:40 Exactly. I already had one.
853 00:44:42 And you don't need two vaginae. You just don't.
854 00:44:44 Although you could use one as a coin purse.
855 00:44:47 I never got any stuffed animals growing up.
856 00:44:48 Wait
857 00:44:51 My dad gave me a stuffed puppy the day he bailed on us.
858 00:44:55 I'm just fucking with you.
859 00:44:56 That is a weird joke.
860 00:44:58 I thought your dad abandoned your family.
861 00:45:00 No
862 00:45:02 But he didn't even leave me a stuffed puppy.
863 00:45:04 Just broken dreams.
864 00:45:06 Oh
865 00:45:09 well
866 00:45:12 that there are some good guys out there
867 00:45:14 and I wouldn't let
868 00:45:17 taint your memory.
869 00:45:20 Oh
870 00:45:21 Are you getting choked up? I'm sorry if I made you upset.
871 00:45:25 No
872 00:45:28 Yeah. Well
873 00:45:31 Normal transition here.
874 00:45:34 Actually
875 00:45:37 You and Eric and Juario
876 00:45:40 Do you mind if I just put
877 00:45:43 Okay. Yeah
878 00:45:45 I should call you back.
879 00:45:46 Well
880 00:45:49 -5ye-bye. B ye_ - Bye.
881 00:45:50 What the fuck are you...
882 00:46:02 Are y'all throwing a party?
883 00:46:05 - What? - There's rumors in the Twittersphere.
884 00:46:09 And if any of my officers
885 00:46:11 are caught giving alcohol to minors
886 00:46:15 they'll find theyself in prison
887 00:46:18 with a snorkel duct-taped to they mouth
888 00:46:21 and me shitting down that snorkel.
889 00:46:26 That's extremely vivid. Thank you.
890 00:46:29 You're the best. You are the best.
891 00:46:32 - Oh
892 00:46:33 - Enjoy the vineyard. - You boys be good
893 00:46:34 Yeah
894 00:46:37 Bye!
895 00:46:38 "We love you"? What are you doing'? Why you saying "I love you" to my mom?
896 00:46:41 - I'm in character. Shut up. - It's weird.
897 00:46:44 Look
898 00:46:47 Wait
899 00:46:49 Dude
900 00:46:58 How are we going to get drugs for the party?
901 00:47:01 Oh
902 00:47:09 We got a pound of coke.
903 00:47:11 We're trying to show them a good time
904 00:47:13 Pound of marijuana?
905 00:47:15 - Best party ever. - Boo-yah!
906 00:47:31 To a brilliant idea
907 00:47:34 from my brilliant brother
908 00:47:36 that I love so very much.
909 00:47:38 And this is going to fucking rock.
910 00:47:41 - Cheers
911 00:47:49 - Who invited you guys? - I did!
912 00:47:51 The party's here!
913 00:47:53 - What's up
914 00:47:55 What's up
915 00:47:56 This is crazy. This is
916 00:48:03 Where is Eric
917 00:48:05 Do we have enough chips?
918 00:48:07 Is this playlist too dance-y?
919 00:48:09 - Feels too dance-y. - Too dance-y?
920 00:48:10 - What are you talking about? - I don't know
921 00:48:18 What are you doing?
922 00:48:19 - That's my mom's Kokopelli vase. - I got it
923 00:48:21 Doug
924 00:48:23 Hey
925 00:48:27 Such a bad joke.
926 00:48:28 Terrible
927 00:48:30 - You guys know each other
928 00:48:31 Get ready
929 00:48:34 And then you come in here looking like a rock-solid 10.
930 00:48:36 What?
931 00:48:38 What's up
932 00:48:39 Eco Suave.
933 00:48:41 Whoa.
934 00:48:43 Wow
935 00:48:46 Very Native American.
936 00:48:48 Yeah
937 00:48:50 -really into Native American... - Let's rock and roll.
938 00:48:54 - Sorry. - What are y'all doing?
939 00:48:56 - Come on. - Did you guys even see Eric?
940 00:48:58 Seriously
941 00:49:00 No offense
942 00:49:02 Yo
943 00:49:05 - Man
944 00:49:07 No
945 00:49:10 Come on
946 00:49:12 Okay
947 00:49:14 just go as fast as you possibly can.
948 00:49:16 Taking out the SIM card.
949 00:49:20 Taking down Eric with the SIM card information
950 00:49:22 Come on
951 00:49:24 - Are you drunk? - No.
952 00:49:25 Have you even been drunk before?
953 00:49:27 - No
954 00:49:29 - What? - Can we get some bitches up in here?
955 00:49:30 'Cause it's just boys right now.
956 00:49:32 No
957 00:49:34 This is my parents' bedroom.
958 00:49:38 - What the fuck
959 00:49:39 And that is a really gross three-way.
960 00:49:43 But what was the girl in the back doing?
961 00:49:45 Warehouse rave in Ellsworth.
962 00:49:47 Cool
963 00:49:49 Hey
964 00:49:51 but we got to get going. You know how it is
965 00:49:53 Dude
966 00:49:56 Is it ready? He's gonna leave right now.
967 00:49:57 It's extracting right now.
968 00:49:59 Dude
969 00:50:01 Read this. "Please wait. Extracting data from SIM card."
970 00:50:03 Shit! It's a bust.
971 00:50:09 - Keep it casual. - Yeah.
972 00:50:10 - Go with the flow
973 00:50:11 - I don't like to make plans or whatever. - You got it.
974 00:50:13 - Thank you again
975 00:50:14 Eric
976 00:50:18 Hey
977 00:50:20 What
978 00:50:22 No
979 00:50:24 Wanted to know your hookup so me and my boys can get in on it.
980 00:50:27 Got other commitments on that front
981 00:50:29 I wasn't asking.
982 00:50:31 Whoa
983 00:50:33 Take five
984 00:50:36 - Yeah? You sure? - I got this one.
985 00:50:39 Hey
986 00:50:41 - Don't worry about who I am. - I'm worried about it.
987 00:50:43 - Why? -'Cause you're at my party right now
988 00:50:45 This is my temple
989 00:50:48 and you're coming in here like an emotional bull in a china shop
990 00:50:50 metaphorically knocking over vases
991 00:50:53 and I'm like
992 00:50:57 - It's that kind of party? - Yeah
993 00:50:59 Matter of fact
994 00:51:01 - No
995 00:51:03 Yeah. It's like seven strangers living in one house. True story.
996 00:51:06 - You want Real World? - Yeah
997 00:51:07 - Come on. What's your Real... - Here's Real World.
998 00:51:09 What was that? Did you hear that?
999 00:51:11 Real enough for you?
1000 00:51:12 Schmidt. Doug.
1001 00:51:14 - What do I do? - Hit him!
1002 00:51:17 Shit! That hurt worse than when he hit me!
1003 00:51:26 Fight normal.
1004 00:51:27 Yo
1005 00:51:29 Sorry.
1006 00:51:34 - I'll fucking kill you! - I'm sorry! I'm very sorry!
1007 00:51:38 Seriously
1008 00:51:44 I kicked him in the nuts.
1009 00:51:50 Fight's over
1010 00:51:57 No
1011 00:51:58 - I'm gonna fucking kill you! - You'll knock over my mom's vase!
1012 00:52:00 - Fuck your mom's vase! - Fuck this!
1013 00:52:07 Oh
1014 00:52:09 Yeah!
1015 00:52:15 That's my brother!
1016 00:52:21 - That was insane! - You're so cool!
1017 00:52:25 Did you see that shit? That was crazy.
1018 00:52:32 Oh
1019 00:52:34 When did I get stabbed?
1020 00:52:37 That's awesome.
1021 00:52:40 Yeah!
1022 00:52:44 Is that a cop?
1023 00:52:46 Where?
1024 00:52:48 No
1025 00:52:50 I'm so glad we're going back to get my phone.
1026 00:52:53 I just hope we don't wake up Schmidty.
1027 00:52:55 Oh
1028 00:52:56 It's like we're living with a narc.
1029 00:52:59 The boy is an angel.
1030 00:53:01 Pull it out!
1031 00:53:02 Pull it out! Pull it out! Pull it out!
1032 00:53:06 Sorry!
1033 00:53:17 Okay
1034 00:53:18 Shots
1035 00:53:25 That's like us fucking Mother Earth without a condom.
1036 00:54:04 What the fuck is going on?
1037 00:54:06 Annie
1038 00:54:11 Are you fucking kidding me?
1039 00:54:13 Get out of my house. I said get out! The party's over!
1040 00:54:16 I'm sorry
1041 00:54:17 The mom is coming!
1042 00:54:19 - Listen to me! - Chill out! Chill out!
1043 00:54:22 - Let go of me! - You're embarrassing me
1044 00:54:23 -in front of my friends! - Get back here
1045 00:54:28 Dude
1046 00:54:30 I swear
1047 00:54:32 Dude
1048 00:54:34 -like
1049 00:54:36 Dude
1050 00:54:40 You
1051 00:54:41 How do you feel about making a little extra money?
1052 00:54:43 Whatever it is
1053 00:54:45 All right
1054 00:54:47 Okay
1055 00:54:51 Okay
1056 00:54:54 I introduce you to my hookup. How's that sound?
1057 00:54:57 - Cool with me. - My man.
1058 00:54:58 That is my man...
1059 00:55:00 That was nuts. I lost you guys.
1060 00:55:04 Hey
1061 00:55:07 Yo
1062 00:55:12 Come on!
1063 00:55:16 "I love dick"?
1064 00:55:18 You think that's funny?
1065 00:55:19 "Wonder Years douche"?
1066 00:55:21 What kind of a sick animal draws
1067 00:55:23 an ejaculating penis into an 8-year-old's mouth?
1068 00:55:27 It's arguably
1069 00:55:31 You think I don't know that's a dick and balls?
1070 00:55:33 I know all about dick and balls!
1071 00:55:34 I partied with Robert Downey Jr. before he got sober
1072 00:55:37 when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!
1073 00:55:39 You know what? From now on
1074 00:55:41 You're gonna wash the laundry
1075 00:55:44 you're gonna do the dishes
1076 00:55:53 Dude
1077 00:55:55 Last night at the party
1078 00:55:57 and I had Zack put this monitoring device in it
1079 00:56:00 so we're gonna get to hear every single thing that little prick is up to.
1080 00:56:03 Dude
1081 00:56:05 What?
1082 00:56:06 - What if you had gotten found out? - But it worked.
1083 00:56:08 This is
1084 00:56:10 so
1085 00:56:13 I'm not getting mad at you. I'm glad you have something to do.
1086 00:56:18 Good.
1087 00:56:22 What's up?
1088 00:56:29 Great job
1089 00:56:46 - Password! - Kneel before Zod!
1090 00:56:49 You may enter.
1091 00:56:50 Thank you
1092 00:57:00 Let's tap that wire
1093 00:57:01 We were just about to go outside with a bunch of chemicals.
1094 00:57:03 We were going to test what blows up.
1095 00:57:05 There's no reason the wiretap is super urgent
1096 00:57:09 Not that I can think of that would make sense.
1097 00:57:11 Go for it
1098 00:57:13 - Look out. - Go
1099 00:57:18 Yes!
1100 00:57:19 Yes
1101 00:57:21 That's what I'm talking about!
1102 00:57:23 I love this science shit!
1103 00:57:24 This is what you guys do all day? Let's do it again.
1104 00:57:43 Are you texting Molly?
1105 00:57:45 What?
1106 00:57:47 I don't... Molly...
1107 00:57:49 Maybe. Is that...
1108 00:57:50 Whoa
1109 00:57:53 I'm not some
1110 00:57:56 I mean
1111 00:57:59 I just
1112 00:58:03 Ja feel
1113 00:58:05 - Yeah. - Schmidty?
1114 00:58:09 Schmidty.
1115 00:58:11 Phyllis.
1116 00:58:13 - I'll be right back
1117 00:58:17 Hey. How are you?
1118 00:58:19 - How is my favorite police officer? - Okay.
1119 00:58:21 Your mother told me that you are undercover.
1120 00:58:24 Listen
1121 00:58:26 Are you undercover right now?
1122 00:58:28 Yes
1123 00:58:29 Are those the bad guys over there?
1124 00:58:31 Do they have guns? Oh
1125 00:58:34 I have got to call Annie. She is gonna die.
1126 00:58:36 I heard that that Jenko boy is your partner.
1127 00:58:39 - Where is my phone? - Okay
1128 00:58:40 Shut your fucking mouth.
1129 00:58:42 Shut your fucking mouth
1130 00:58:44 Let's go check this out.
1131 00:58:46 I will straight-up punch you in the face if you do not shut up.
1132 00:58:48 - There is no... - A straight-up face punch.
1133 00:58:50 I swear to God
1134 00:58:51 - Hey
1135 00:58:55 Shit! She just tried to grab my dick
1136 00:58:57 - What? You tried to grab his... - She tried to grab myjunk.
1137 00:58:59 She was like
1138 00:59:01 "it hurts my hand
1139 00:59:02 I was like
1140 00:59:04 She said
1141 00:59:05 And it felt good
1142 00:59:07 so I pushed her. We got to get out of here.
1143 00:59:09 All right
1144 00:59:26 So your parents are just cool with having people over whenever?
1145 00:59:30 Yeah
1146 00:59:32 Pretty laissez-faire about the whole thing.
1147 00:59:34 You're so lucky your parents don't give a shit about you.
1148 00:59:37 Right?
1149 00:59:38 - This place is awesome. - Yeah.
1150 00:59:40 Hey.
1151 00:59:41 Hey
1152 00:59:42 How's it going?
1153 00:59:44 Wow
1154 00:59:48 Sorry. I'm happy to see you.
1155 00:59:49 Yeah. Yeah
1156 00:59:51 - H6Y- - HeY-
1157 00:59:55 Good?
1158 00:59:56 - All right
1159 00:59:58 I brought tacos
1160 01:00:00 Try to turn it
1161 01:00:03 Spoiler alert
1162 01:00:06 Hey
1163 01:00:11 Take down eco-pussy
1164 01:00:13 Take down eco-pussy!
1165 01:00:16 Mother Earth
1166 01:00:21 And when it rains
1167 01:00:23 It means that beautiful bitch is crying
1168 01:00:26 - It's really not a planet. - It's for sure a planet.
1169 01:00:28 Pluto is a planet.
1170 01:00:29 - It's ready! - It used to be a planet.
1171 01:00:31 - It's ready. - Not any more.
1172 01:00:32 Reduce
1173 01:00:36 Recycle
1174 01:00:37 I'm embarrassed.
1175 01:00:38 - I always feel exposed after playing. - Do not feel exposed.
1176 01:00:41 I got to use the bathroom.
1177 01:00:42 - Is it in there? - Yeah
1178 01:00:44 All right
1179 01:00:46 The mic is live and we can hear how the other half lives.
1180 01:01:04 What are you doing?
1181 01:01:05 I heard something.
1182 01:01:07 Hey
1183 01:01:09 Okay.
1184 01:01:11 I just want to make sure that you and Eric are going to be careful
1185 01:01:14 with whatever it is that you're getting involved in.
1186 01:01:19 Yeah
1187 01:01:21 It would just suck if something bad happened
1188 01:01:24 because you're a good guy.
1189 01:01:26 Yeah
1190 01:01:29 except girl version.
1191 01:01:32 You're a girl.
1192 01:01:34 - I am. - Yeah.
1193 01:01:36 That's why I put this dress on
1194 01:01:37 -to remind you. - Exactly.
1195 01:01:39 - Are you excited about the play? - Yes.
1196 01:01:42 Yeah
1197 01:01:43 -right in there with excitement. - Yes.
1198 01:01:44 - No hesitash. - I'm very excited.
1199 01:01:45 Yeah.
1200 01:01:47 Does that make me a super nerd?
1201 01:01:49 No
1202 01:01:51 We get to act together:
1203 01:01:52 What a vagina. He has no chance with her.
1204 01:01:55 So...
1205 01:01:56 - Shit. - Sorry.
1206 01:01:57 You're on the prom committee.
1207 01:01:59 Do you think it's going to be fun?
1208 01:02:01 Did shejust bring up prom on her own?
1209 01:02:02 - She did
1210 01:02:04 I think it's going to be awesome.
1211 01:02:06 - Prom eats a dong. - Multiple dongs.
1212 01:02:07 All right
1213 01:02:09 they don't care about prom actually secretly does.
1214 01:02:11 Who we gonna take to the prom? No one's going to prom with us.
1215 01:02:14 Come on
1216 01:02:17 You got fine-ass honeys with you.
1217 01:02:19 You're dressed to the nines with your best buds.
1218 01:02:21 Doves fly out behind you
1219 01:02:23 Doves. Why doves?
1220 01:02:25 'Cause doves make you look like a badass
1221 01:02:29 I am pretty skeptical
1222 01:02:31 but maybe
1223 01:02:37 Aren't... Isn't... Aren't you and Eric...
1224 01:02:40 Wouldn't you and Eric go together?
1225 01:02:43 Not that I know of.
1226 01:02:53 Would you...
1227 01:02:54 He's going to choke.
1228 01:02:55 He always chokes. He's going to choke
1229 01:02:58 So would...
1230 01:03:01 So would...
1231 01:03:04 Would you...
1232 01:03:07 Mayb...
1233 01:03:09 - Oh
1234 01:03:12 That is the actual sound of choking.
1235 01:03:16 I was wondering if you...
1236 01:03:20 Would you
1237 01:03:23 maybe want to go
1238 01:03:27 with me to prom?
1239 01:03:28 Would you want to go to me... Maybe with me to prom?
1240 01:03:31 Yes.
1241 01:03:33 I would love to go to prom with you.
1242 01:03:36 What? She just said yes!
1243 01:03:38 - Whoa. - Wow.
1244 01:03:40 Good for you
1245 01:03:42 Thank you for asking.
1246 01:03:52 Put her there
1247 01:03:53 Just put... Put it right there.
1248 01:03:56 I'm putting it right there.
1249 01:03:59 Yeah. There you guys are.
1250 01:04:01 What's up
1251 01:04:03 - Hi. - How you doing?
1252 01:04:04 - Whazzup? - Yeah.
1253 01:04:06 Doug... Okay
1254 01:04:09 You and your brother aren't related
1255 01:04:11 'Cause you look totally different.
1256 01:04:12 He's adopted.
1257 01:04:13 We all suspect from a very lame family.
1258 01:04:17 Where is he tonight?
1259 01:04:18 Probably at home with those lame tools he hangs out with. I don't know.
1260 01:04:22 You know how Tom Cruise is always pissed off at Rain Man?
1261 01:04:25 That's like my life
1262 01:04:31 Your brother's kind of a dick.
1263 01:04:32 Well
1264 01:04:36 He kind of is
1265 01:04:37 Don't listen to that.
1266 01:04:39 I don't give a fuck.
1267 01:04:46 Dude
1268 01:04:56 Oh
1269 01:04:59 Hey
1270 01:05:01 How are you? Guess what
1271 01:05:03 We just closed our third high school operation.
1272 01:05:06 And check what we found at Kennedy.
1273 01:05:08 Looks like we're going to have to do your job for you.
1274 01:05:10 Your drugs is spreading to different schools now
1275 01:05:16 You failed to stop the outbreak
1276 01:05:20 We are running out of time!
1277 01:05:22 You either find the supplier
1278 01:05:24 or I'm gonna jump your asses off Jump Street!
1279 01:05:27 I totally understand where you're coming from
1280 01:05:29 but
1281 01:05:31 with somebody that sounded very suspect
1282 01:05:33 about meeting up with a stuffed pifiata.
1283 01:05:37 Is that a code for sex?
1284 01:05:42 - Pifiata? Really? - Yep.
1285 01:05:44 Remember that wiretap I put on Eric's phone?
1286 01:05:46 While you were having the time of your life last night
1287 01:05:49 I overheard a phone call between Eric and some dude about a pifiata.
1288 01:05:54 That's all you heard?
1289 01:05:55 Yep.
1290 01:06:00 I am so nervous.
1291 01:06:02 We are about to premiere in front of the whole school.
1292 01:06:05 I apologize in advance if I throw up on you onstage.
1293 01:06:08 Serious question
1294 01:06:10 How do I look?
1295 01:06:12 Ravishing.
1296 01:06:14 Is it too sexy of an outfit?
1297 01:06:16 Bend the knee a little bit.
1298 01:06:18 Yep
1299 01:06:21 It's going to be so much easier having you onstage with me.
1300 01:06:25 I am so happy that I met you.
1301 01:06:26 You're
1302 01:06:30 Yep. That's me.
1303 01:06:33 Doug.
1304 01:06:39 Potassium nitrate.
1305 01:06:42 Don't hate. It's great.
1306 01:06:45 It can act as an oxidizer.
1307 01:06:47 I didn't know that
1308 01:06:50 It has a crystalline structure.
1309 01:06:53 If you can't respect that
1310 01:06:56 It's a key ingredient in gunpowder.
1311 01:06:59 K-NO-three
1312 01:07:02 It can be used to make corned beef.
1313 01:07:07 It's also known as saltpeter.
1314 01:07:15 - Brad? - Shit.
1315 01:07:16 Where are you going?
1316 01:07:18 I don't want to look like it's like I'm wearing makeup.
1317 01:07:20 - Right. - Doug! Hi.
1318 01:07:22 Brad!
1319 01:07:23 Whoa. What are you wearing?
1320 01:07:24 Potassium nitrate. Thanks for noticing.
1321 01:07:26 I need to borrow you.
1322 01:07:27 Now's not a good time
1323 01:07:30 It's a really good time.
1324 01:07:31 'Cause my pifiata is killing me.
1325 01:07:35 Is that code for a sex thing?
1326 01:07:37 It's leaving the parking lot.
1327 01:07:39 Pifiata?
1328 01:07:42 Molly.
1329 01:07:44 I will be right back. I need to help Brad with something
1330 01:07:46 I just need to help Brad with something real quick.
1331 01:07:48 - What? No. What? - I promise you...
1332 01:07:49 Do you understand how soon the show is starting?
1333 01:07:51 I swear to you I will be back in time for curtain.
1334 01:07:53 - I swear. I swear to you. - Tell me you understand how soon...
1335 01:07:55 What? Are you kidding me?
1336 01:07:59 What did I say? What did I say?
1337 01:08:00 See? Whose wiretap is working for him now
1338 01:08:13 Shit.
1339 01:08:15 Fuck!
1340 01:08:16 You told me not to worry about the tickets!
1341 01:08:18 I thought they made us look cool.
1342 01:08:20 - Cones
1343 01:08:23 - I'm driving. - No
1344 01:08:24 - I never get to drive. I'm driving this time. - Fine! Drive!
1345 01:08:27 - Hey
1346 01:08:29 - Sure. - Go. Go
1347 01:08:32 Guys
1348 01:08:33 Hey
1349 01:08:51 - Holy fucking shit. - No fucking way.
1350 01:08:54 Those are the guys from the park.
1351 01:08:55 That's just too crazy.
1352 01:08:58 What do you think's in that thing?
1353 01:09:00 I don't know
1354 01:09:02 They could be a new buyer
1355 01:09:04 If it's good
1356 01:09:06 If it's not good
1357 01:09:10 Makes sense.
1358 01:09:11 - Get the fuck out of here. - Yeah
1359 01:09:14 I'll see you guys.
1360 01:09:15 We definitely got to follow them and find out
1361 01:09:20 - Get down! Get down! - Get down! Get down!
1362 01:09:26 - What are you doing? - If they see us
1363 01:09:27 just pretend like you're sucking my dick.
1364 01:09:28 - What? No! - Yes. Stop.
1365 01:09:30 You pretend like you're sucking my dick.
1366 01:09:31 No
1367 01:09:33 Why am I automatically blowing you?
1368 01:09:35 'Cause you're in a fucking Peter Pan costume!
1369 01:09:37 Okay.
1370 01:09:44 Okay
1371 01:09:45 - Go
1372 01:09:47 But we need to be back in 30 minutes for curtain.
1373 01:09:55 Dude
1374 01:09:56 Yeah
1375 01:09:57 - They're going to make us. - Well
1376 01:09:59 it's going to look even more suspicious
1377 01:10:01 God
1378 01:10:02 I know what I'm doing.
1379 01:10:06 Seriously
1380 01:10:09 Just stay back.
1381 01:10:10 - I could not be more serious. - Take your foot off the brake.
1382 01:10:13 - No. I'm not... No. - Take your foot off the brake!
1383 01:10:23 Oh
1384 01:10:25 - Look what you did! - Look what you did!
1385 01:10:26 What the fuck? You non-driving motherfuckers!
1386 01:10:29 Get the fuck out of the car!
1387 01:10:31 - Oh
1388 01:10:34 What do I do? Go away!
1389 01:10:35 What are you
1390 01:10:37 Get him out of that car!
1391 01:10:40 - No
1392 01:10:42 - No
1393 01:10:44 Like an angry walrus!
1394 01:10:45 - I stomp the car now! - Oh
1395 01:10:49 - Stomp! Stomp! - Oh
1396 01:10:51 - Okay. Okay. - Oh
1397 01:10:57 Oh
1398 01:11:02 - Just let me drive! - Stop hitting me!
1399 01:11:13 Dude
1400 01:11:16 Will you stop front-seat driving? Get your hands off the wheel!
1401 01:11:18 Man
1402 01:11:20 - You stop. I'm not... - Take your hands off. Shit!
1403 01:11:27 - We're stuck in traffic! - Oh
1404 01:11:28 - Shit
1405 01:11:31 Oh
1406 01:11:32 What do we do?
1407 01:11:34 What the... What the...
1408 01:11:35 Oh
1409 01:11:37 Oh
1410 01:11:38 - Oh
1411 01:11:40 I can't! I'm wearing tights!
1412 01:11:42 I got skinny jeans on! It's the same fucking thing!
1413 01:11:46 They're going to make us
1414 01:11:49 - Porsche! Porsche! - Police! Get out of the car
1415 01:11:51 I'm on a call here
1416 01:11:53 That's right. Go to sleep
1417 01:11:56 - Go
1418 01:12:02 Check around for a gun or something
1419 01:12:04 Where? Where? There's no glove compartment
1420 01:12:05 in this shitty-ass car! There's golf balls and this.
1421 01:12:08 - What am I supposed to do with this? - I don't know
1422 01:12:10 I've never been in a freeway chase before!
1423 01:12:26 Watch out! It's going to explode! It's going to go!
1424 01:12:30 - What happened? - I don't know.
1425 01:12:32 - It just didn't explode. - That's weird.
1426 01:12:36 Can anybody tell me where my Peter is?
1427 01:12:40 French! You're not my first choice
1428 01:12:43 Oh
1429 01:12:45 Great. Nobody cares.
1430 01:12:48 Come on! Another traffic jam?
1431 01:12:51 I'm sorry I didn't check the traffic report
1432 01:12:53 -before we got in a car chase! - Let's go! Come on!
1433 01:12:55 - Come on. Let's go
1434 01:12:59 - Are you texting? - No
1435 01:13:01 - Yes
1436 01:13:04 Okay
1437 01:13:07 IILOL.ll
1438 01:13:10 I'm driving!
1439 01:13:11 Why do you always jump over the car like that?
1440 01:13:13 Hi. Hi. How are you?
1441 01:13:15 - Hi. - God damn
1442 01:13:16 - Oh. Hi. - You are fine as shit.
1443 01:13:18 Don't worry. Someone will pick you up.
1444 01:13:20 - Wow. - Hurry. Just drive.
1445 01:13:22 Wait. Pick me up?
1446 01:13:27 - They're coming! They're coming! - I got an idea.
1447 01:13:28 Why don't you text them and ask them to stop chasing us?
1448 01:13:36 Oh
1449 01:13:40 He's got a gun!
1450 01:13:41 I'm going to throw this thing at him!
1451 01:13:42 Okay
1452 01:13:44 - Just throw it! - Okay! Okay
1453 01:14:01 - It's going to explode! - Oh
1454 01:14:03 - What the fuck is that going to do? - Roll it up!
1455 01:14:04 - I don't fucking care! Just do it! - Oh
1456 01:14:12 I really thought that one was going to explode.
1457 01:14:21 Oh
1458 01:14:25 Look in the glove compartment for a gun.
1459 01:14:26 What are you talking about? We're in a pink Bug!
1460 01:14:28 I don't care. Look in the goddamn glove compartment!
1461 01:14:31 What the hell?
1462 01:14:37 - Shoot. - Oh
1463 01:14:39 Shoot the gun! Shoot the gun!
1464 01:14:41 Can't get a good shot
1465 01:14:43 - Shit
1466 01:14:45 Take the shot! Just shoot him! Let's go!
1467 01:14:46 Shit
1468 01:14:48 - Shoot! Shoot! - Shit
1469 01:15:05 That's what exploded? Holy shit. That was crazy.
1470 01:15:08 Why did you shoot for me?
1471 01:15:09 You weren't shooting
1472 01:15:11 -so I had to save us. - I was going to shoot.
1473 01:15:12 - You always do this
1474 01:15:15 Seriously
1475 01:15:17 If I miss this play
1476 01:15:20 - Are you fucking serious right now? - Fuck
1477 01:15:26 Can't believe you made me late. You're so selfish.
1478 01:15:29 - I'm selfish? - Yes
1479 01:15:31 Are you fucking kidding me?
1480 01:15:32 Look at yourself!
1481 01:15:34 You're in too deep
1482 01:15:37 Yesterday
1483 01:15:39 I don't know how long this case is going to last.
1484 01:15:42 And Eric's going to get into Berkeley
1485 01:15:45 Who knows? I could ride this thing out. I could be a doctor or something.
1486 01:15:48 Have you lost your fucking mind?
1487 01:15:49 You screwed this investigation all up.
1488 01:15:52 At least I know my Miranda rights
1489 01:16:00 You are a very silly man indeed.
1490 01:16:02 Boys
1491 01:16:04 Hey! Sorry! It's okay. I'm here.
1492 01:16:08 I know I missed the first few scenes.
1493 01:16:10 I want to thank... Give it up to French Samuels
1494 01:16:12 -for ably backing me up. - Fuck you
1495 01:16:16 I say we just roll right into this thing
1496 01:16:20 This is my twin. We're together in...
1497 01:16:23 Get the fuck out of here.
1498 01:16:25 What are you doing? Have you completely lost your mind?
1499 01:16:28 What is this?
1500 01:16:29 I don't know
1501 01:16:32 You're embarrassing me.
1502 01:16:33 It's okay. I'll make it up to you.
1503 01:16:35 And... Let's fly!
1504 01:16:41 - Such bullshit! - Get off of me!
1505 01:16:46 I'm not dumb! I'm smart!
1506 01:16:48 You think I'm stupid? You're stupid!
1507 01:16:50 - Go
1508 01:16:53 I should probably not just stand here watching.
1509 01:16:55 I should take action.
1510 01:16:56 Worst best friend ever!
1511 01:17:03 M°IIY
1512 01:17:05 I don't want to talk to you ever again.
1513 01:17:07 I'm sorry.
1514 01:17:14 You stupid idiot!
1515 01:17:20 - Come here! - Come on!
1516 01:17:29 Make fun of me behind my back and everybody laughs at me?
1517 01:17:32 I was a loser for four years! You couldn't handle it for five minutes!
1518 01:17:35 Have some fairy dust
1519 01:17:40 Hey
1520 01:17:43 I heard you call me Rain Man
1521 01:17:46 Principal Dadier sucks dick!
1522 01:17:51 You're supposed to be my friend!
1523 01:17:52 Stop! Stop it. You're expelled. Both of you are expelled.
1524 01:18:00 And that's the end of Act Two.
1525 01:18:21 Is that it? You're not going to scream at us?
1526 01:18:25 Nope.
1527 01:18:27 I'm gonna just fire you.
1528 01:19:18 Moving out?
1529 01:19:20 Yep.
1530 01:19:24 You know what's crazy to me
1531 01:19:26 is that I think that I actually thought that we were brothers.
1532 01:19:31 I would've tooken a bullet for you.
1533 01:19:40 Get in now. Both of you.
1534 01:19:43 Why should I?
1535 01:19:45 Just get in the car
1536 01:19:46 Get in the fucking car.
1537 01:19:48 Nope
1538 01:19:51 Please get in the car.
1539 01:19:58 Come on
1540 01:20:02 Some messed up shit went down yesterday.
1541 01:20:05 Yeah
1542 01:20:07 our potential business partners got followed by some fucking cops.
1543 01:20:10 That's insane
1544 01:20:12 Are you serious?
1545 01:20:13 Okay
1546 01:20:15 You know what happens to a handsome guy like me in jail?
1547 01:20:18 It rhymes with "grape"!
1548 01:20:20 It rhymes with "grape."
1549 01:20:23 I can't let that happen.
1550 01:20:24 So I got these from my dad's gun cabinet.
1551 01:20:25 - Eric
1552 01:20:27 Springfield .45s
1553 01:20:31 You ever use one?
1554 01:20:34 - We're not really gun people
1555 01:20:38 A lot of things have made me wonder about you.
1556 01:20:40 Come on.
1557 01:20:42 Your taste in music
1558 01:20:44 The fact that you look like a fucking 40-year-old man.
1559 01:20:47 Then after that shit at the play
1560 01:20:53 there's no way you guys could be cops.
1561 01:20:58 Yeah
1562 01:21:01 I need people I can trust.
1563 01:21:05 All right. All right
1564 01:21:06 Okay
1565 01:21:08 - We're going to practice
1566 01:21:20 That was... That was actually really fuckin' awesome.
1567 01:21:23 Beginner's luck.
1568 01:21:24 All right.
1569 01:21:26 The supplier wants the deal to go down at prom.
1570 01:21:27 All right
1571 01:21:29 but as long as you guys have my back...
1572 01:21:31 Yeah? Yeah? Shit.
1573 01:21:32 I always got your back.
1574 01:21:35 Time to get our jobs back.
1575 01:21:40 Let's get ready for prom.
1576 01:21:56 Schmidty! Chore time!
1577 01:21:58 Mom
1578 01:22:01 If you stay in this house
1579 01:22:04 Mom!
1580 01:22:21 Fuck this thing.
1581 01:22:29 Here.
1582 01:22:30 It'll be quicker if I help.
1583 01:22:34 There you go.
1584 01:22:37 Thanks.
1585 01:22:44 Your shotgun's hanging too low.
1586 01:22:47 They're gonna see it.
1587 01:22:52 Thanks.
1588 01:23:00 Jenko...
1589 01:23:07 Will you go to prom with me?
1590 01:23:14 I guess.
1591 01:23:17 Are we really going to take down a whole drug operation by ourselves?
1592 01:23:23 I got some contacts that'll help us.
1593 01:24:07 Brad
1594 01:24:10 What if the principal sees you?
1595 01:24:11 - This is wrong
1596 01:24:13 I am so happy you're willing to get in trouble for me.
1597 01:24:16 You have to go. Please
1598 01:24:18 Ms. Griggs
1599 01:24:20 - Stay! Stay. - Stop.
1600 01:24:21 - What? - Stay.
1601 01:24:23 - Go! "Okay
1602 01:24:24 - Stay. - Stop. Stop-
1603 01:24:26 - I'm lost without you. - What?
1604 01:24:29 Get out of me. I'm going to throw up.
1605 01:24:31 You are so hot!
1606 01:24:35 All right.
1607 01:24:41 Hey
1608 01:24:43 I'm very mad at you. Dance with me.
1609 01:24:45 - Are you on that shit? - So what if I am?
1610 01:24:47 Look
1611 01:24:50 and I don't want you to get hurt.
1612 01:24:53 I've already been hurt
1613 01:24:55 You need to leave. You need to leave. You need to get out of here right now.
1614 01:24:59 Making a lot of hand gestures!
1615 01:25:03 Okay
1616 01:25:04 - It's Schmidt. - What?
1617 01:25:05 - And I'm a cop. - What?
1618 01:25:07 Okay
1619 01:25:11 so you have to leave right now.
1620 01:25:13 Leave the prom right now
1621 01:25:15 - I'm serious. - Hey. Hey.
1622 01:25:16 Penthouse now. Supplier's waiting.
1623 01:25:18 - What are you? - Come on. Hey
1624 01:25:19 - Supplier's waiting. - Is that Eric?
1625 01:25:20 - Molly
1626 01:25:23 - Just leave right now! - What is this?
1627 01:25:39 Mr. Walters?
1628 01:25:41 Hey!
1629 01:25:42 Beautiful Brad
1630 01:25:45 Wow. You look great.
1631 01:25:46 You're the supplier? You're a teacher.
1632 01:25:48 And I was stuck on a teacher's salary
1633 01:25:50 Could barely pay my alimony. What are you gonna do?
1634 01:25:53 Oh
1635 01:25:54 You boys are so good at this.
1636 01:25:56 Oh
1637 01:25:58 Oh
1638 01:26:00 I stole some of that Bunsen burner crap
1639 01:26:02 from the chem lab
1640 01:26:05 and it was muy deliciosol
1641 01:26:07 Then one day I catch Eco Butt-munch over here
1642 01:26:09 smoking a J.J. behind the field house
1643 01:26:11 and I'm like
1644 01:26:13 What a green penis that guy is
1645 01:26:17 There's my quesadilla.
1646 01:26:19 I hurt my hands!
1647 01:26:22 Bitch.
1648 01:26:30 Oh
1649 01:26:32 You guys look crazy scary.
1650 01:26:34 How many of you are there?
1651 01:26:35 A lot.
1652 01:26:36 Karl.
1653 01:26:38 Patch looks pimp
1654 01:26:40 Thank you.
1655 01:26:42 He's gonna recognize us
1656 01:26:44 I'm freaking out.
1657 01:26:45 This is Walters
1658 01:26:47 - Real pleasure to meet you. - Fuck what his name is.
1659 01:26:49 Your shit's good.
1660 01:26:51 Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.
1661 01:26:53 What
1662 01:26:54 Who are these two motherfuckers?
1663 01:26:56 Fuck!
1664 01:26:59 - Hey. - Hey. How's it going?
1665 01:27:02 Nah
1666 01:27:04 - Are they? - Yeah.
1667 01:27:05 I don't like strangers.
1668 01:27:07 How do you ever expect to make any new friends with that attitude?
1669 01:27:10 It's
1670 01:27:12 What the fuck are you talking about?
1671 01:27:14 I don't even...
1672 01:27:15 Just fuckin' around.
1673 01:27:17 Do your thing
1674 01:27:21 Hey
1675 01:27:22 You
1676 01:27:25 - Me? - Yeah.
1677 01:27:27 I was in a French fry commercial when I was a kid
1678 01:27:31 so people are like
1679 01:27:33 but I don't think we've ever met before.
1680 01:27:35 Do I look like I eat French fries?
1681 01:27:38 I don't know
1682 01:27:40 but maybe you have
1683 01:27:44 Nah.
1684 01:27:46 Yeah
1685 01:27:48 Come to Andrew's French Fry Emporium
1686 01:27:53 Where friendship and French fries
1687 01:27:56 Go hand in hand
1688 01:28:02 That's my quesadilla!
1689 01:28:04 Who wants a piece? Huh?
1690 01:28:05 I know you're in there
1691 01:28:07 You lied to me!
1692 01:28:10 I'm gonna kill you
1693 01:28:13 Hey
1694 01:28:16 Dickhead narc motherfucker!
1695 01:28:19 Did shejust say "nickhead dark motherfucker"?
1696 01:28:22 That's just racist.
1697 01:28:23 I know these two.
1698 01:28:25 Your boys are cops! They're cops!
1699 01:28:27 Police! Get on the ground!
1700 01:28:28 You get on the fuckin' ground!
1701 01:28:30 - We asked you first! - I don't give a damn!
1702 01:28:32 You're fucking cops?
1703 01:28:34 But we partied together
1704 01:28:36 You bought us Taco Bell.
1705 01:28:38 Eric
1706 01:28:41 You made me this friendship bracelet.
1707 01:28:42 Well
1708 01:28:45 I'm gonna cut this the fuck off later
1709 01:28:48 What the fuck is going on?
1710 01:28:50 Shut this kid up!
1711 01:28:53 - Him
1712 01:28:55 No
1713 01:28:56 I didn't know these guys were cops!
1714 01:28:57 I'm getting out of here.
1715 01:28:59 I fucking hate you!
1716 01:29:00 Get that out of my face!
1717 01:29:02 - Molly! - Oh
1718 01:29:05 What the fuck!
1719 01:29:06 Drop your guns
1720 01:29:08 Trying to take a hostage
1721 01:29:11 I don't know! I'm trying to help
1722 01:29:14 Well
1723 01:29:15 - Drop the guns or she's dead! - She looks dead already.
1724 01:29:18 What? No.
1725 01:29:20 Jesus.
1726 01:29:22 Yeah
1727 01:29:24 She just passed out from the drugs. We're good.
1728 01:29:26 Drop the guns or...
1729 01:29:27 All right
1730 01:29:29 We're gonna drop our guns.
1731 01:29:31 You got to let the kids go
1732 01:29:34 Just drop the guns
1733 01:29:37 D.B.
1734 01:29:40 Oh
1735 01:29:42 You're a liar
1736 01:29:45 - That's unfair. - We're all friends here.
1737 01:29:47 Let's just relax
1738 01:29:49 - Yeah
1739 01:29:52 Oh
1740 01:29:56 God damn it!
1741 01:29:57 Tom Hanson
1742 01:29:59 What the fuck?
1743 01:30:00 - Now! - Fuck!
1744 01:30:02 Doug Penhall
1745 01:30:04 Guns down
1746 01:30:07 Put them down.
1747 01:30:09 Nice! Yes!
1748 01:30:11 Shut the fuck up!
1749 01:30:14 You little dweebs just ruined a five-year investigation.
1750 01:30:16 We had no idea.
1751 01:30:18 You're
1752 01:30:19 You played saxophone at my sister's wedding
1753 01:30:22 Tough titty. I fucked her
1754 01:30:24 What?
1755 01:30:25 You little turds.
1756 01:30:26 Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this?
1757 01:30:32 Do you see this nose?
1758 01:30:34 That is a fake nose.
1759 01:30:36 Do you want to wear a fake nose on your fuckin' head
1760 01:30:38 for
1761 01:30:41 Worse things in the world.
1762 01:30:42 We had to get fuckin' tattoos on our dicks
1763 01:30:44 Hey
1764 01:30:46 -to mess with you. - What?
1765 01:30:48 Looks tough.
1766 01:30:49 Look
1767 01:30:52 Metro Police
1768 01:30:53 Come on
1769 01:30:55 - Yeah
1770 01:30:56 That's funny
1771 01:30:58 - What? - Yeah. Oh
1772 01:31:00 Oh
1773 01:31:01 - Oh
1774 01:31:03 Oh
1775 01:31:04 Get them!
1776 01:31:05 Motherfucker!
1777 01:31:09 Shoot them!
1778 01:31:12 Fuck that.
1779 01:31:24 That was a gun.
1780 01:31:25 Somebody definitely got shot.
1781 01:31:31 All right.
1782 01:31:33 Here
1783 01:31:45 Did I hit anything?
1784 01:31:46 You were shooting at the fuckin' ceiling.
1785 01:31:48 Doug.
1786 01:31:51 I know sometimes I was a jerk to you
1787 01:31:54 when we were undercover.
1788 01:32:01 It's just... I didn't feel good about myself.
1789 01:32:04 All that stuff I wore
1790 01:32:11 was just so
1791 01:32:12 that people would think I'm cool.
1792 01:32:16 The only approval
1793 01:32:18 that I ever needed
1794 01:32:22 was my best friend.
1795 01:32:24 Thanks
1796 01:32:44 The money's gone!
1797 01:32:46 Come on
1798 01:32:48 We gotta get out of here
1799 01:32:49 Are you telling me it's on?
1800 01:32:51 - Let's do this. - Let's make a baby.
1801 01:32:53 - What? What are you talking about? - I don't know.
1802 01:32:54 I was trying to sound cool. Sorry.
1803 01:33:47 That was crazy! You killed a guy!
1804 01:33:51 Oh
1805 01:33:55 Hey
1806 01:34:18 Go
1807 01:34:21 Where'd they go?
1808 01:34:25 Molly!
1809 01:34:31 Shit!
1810 01:34:36 - You want to drive? - Yeah
1811 01:34:38 Okay
1812 01:34:40 - Nice! - Did it look cool when I did it?
1813 01:34:42 - That's what I'm talking about! - Yeah!
1814 01:34:46 How you guys doing back there
1815 01:34:48 God
1816 01:34:50 Best prom night ever!
1817 01:34:57 - Shoot them! - Stay on them!
1818 01:34:59 I'm on them! I'm on them!
1819 01:35:00 Oh
1820 01:35:03 - Oh
1821 01:35:09 Hey
1822 01:35:12 Shoot that gun
1823 01:35:13 All right
1824 01:35:15 Just shoot someone
1825 01:35:19 Peek-a-boo!
1826 01:35:20 Give me my money!
1827 01:35:22 Fuck that! Fuck that! No! No!
1828 01:35:24 I can't do this! I'm supposed to go to Berkeley!
1829 01:35:28 I'm gonna get the party started!
1830 01:35:30 - I'm gonna get the party started! - No! No! Lisa
1831 01:35:31 Hey
1832 01:35:34 What?
1833 01:35:38 - You're killing my dream! - Come in.
1834 01:35:40 - What? I'm trying to party. - Down!
1835 01:35:41 Bitch!
1836 01:35:44 What? Fuck!
1837 01:35:46 I'll kill you!
1838 01:35:47 Kill you!
1839 01:35:49 - No! No! - Stay where you are.
1840 01:35:51 Go! Go
1841 01:35:56 No! Stop!
1842 01:35:57 I'm not fucking kidding! Look
1843 01:36:00 Will you stop! Just for two seconds!
1844 01:36:01 You're really hot and you're really slutty and it's awesome
1845 01:36:03 but I got to shoot people right now!
1846 01:36:04 You think I'm hot?
1847 01:36:20 Iwanna... Oh
1848 01:36:23 Wait
1849 01:36:25 Let me know where you're ending up later.
1850 01:36:31 I'm almost out of ammo.
1851 01:36:32 We're fucked.
1852 01:36:34 Give me my money!
1853 01:36:36 I got an idea.
1854 01:36:37 - You still got those shotgun shells? - Yeah.
1855 01:36:40 Pop Quiznos.
1856 01:36:41 What do you get when lithium batteries react to potassium nitrate?
1857 01:36:46 That would be a covalent bond
1858 01:36:49 That's when two atoms
1859 01:36:51 You see
1860 01:36:53 That makes them stick together.
1861 01:36:55 Are you saying we're covalent bonds?
1862 01:36:57 What? No.
1863 01:36:59 We're not atoms
1864 01:37:18 - What's this? - Tequila?
1865 01:37:21 I don't know
1866 01:37:23 Oh
1867 01:37:30 Where'd you learn how to do that
1868 01:37:32 App chemistry
1869 01:37:39 Come on
1870 01:37:42 Molly!
1871 01:37:46 Drop your weapon!
1872 01:37:48 Don't you fuckin' pull that arm up.
1873 01:37:50 Don't.
1874 01:37:51 Looks like you're out of ammo
1875 01:37:55 Come on! Get out here!
1876 01:37:56 - What? What's going on? - All right.
1877 01:37:58 All right
1878 01:38:01 Do you understand? Nobody move!
1879 01:38:03 - All right. - Eric
1880 01:38:06 Don't you have a gun?
1881 01:38:08 All right
1882 01:38:11 - Come on
1883 01:38:13 - Hey! Hey
1884 01:38:19 - Oh
1885 01:38:22 Are you okay?
1886 01:38:23 You shot my partner
1887 01:38:25 I didn't mean to shoot you! I meant to shoot him!
1888 01:38:27 Are you alive
1889 01:38:30 Yeah
1890 01:38:32 Didn't you hear me? I said don't move! I said that! You heard
1891 01:38:35 Eric
1892 01:38:37 - I said don't move! - Eric
1893 01:38:38 - You got this. - Hey
1894 01:38:47 Freeze!
1895 01:38:48 Shoot!
1896 01:38:52 Come on.
1897 01:38:55 You peaked in high school
1898 01:38:59 Oh
1899 01:39:01 I shot him in the dick.
1900 01:39:02 You shot me in the dick!
1901 01:39:04 Oh
1902 01:39:06 Yes!
1903 01:39:07 Yes! Yes!
1904 01:39:09 Yes!
1905 01:39:10 You are under arrest!
1906 01:39:12 - It definitely came out my asshole! - You have the right to remain silent!
1907 01:39:16 Anything you say can and will be used against you
1908 01:39:19 in a court of law!
1909 01:39:20 You have the right to an attorney!
1910 01:39:21 If you cannot afford an attorney
1911 01:39:25 Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?
1912 01:39:28 Fuck you! Bitch!
1913 01:39:30 Yes! Yes!
1914 01:39:32 We did it
1915 01:39:34 We did it.
1916 01:39:35 God
1917 01:39:36 We did it
1918 01:39:38 You're a goddamn rock star.
1919 01:39:42 Do you feel that?
1920 01:39:43 God damn
1921 01:39:45 You just shot him in the dick.
1922 01:39:46 I've never seen that. Who does that?
1923 01:39:49 Look
1924 01:39:51 I know I didn't say you were
1925 01:39:54 You're a smart guy
1926 01:39:56 and you're sincere and you're sweet and you're loyal...
1927 01:40:02 And I fuckin' cherish you.
1928 01:40:06 Should we high-five?
1929 01:40:13 My hand!
1930 01:40:16 Are you all right? Should we get you to the hospital
1931 01:40:18 - Yeah
1932 01:40:20 I got to get my dick sewn back on.
1933 01:40:22 - You shut the fuck up. - Hey
1934 01:40:24 - That's not funny. - Is that it?
1935 01:40:26 What?
1936 01:40:28 That's my dick!
1937 01:40:30 Pick up my dick! Please!
1938 01:40:31 No
1939 01:40:33 Fuckin' pick my dick up!
1940 01:40:37 Oh
1941 01:40:44 He's my friend.
1942 01:40:46 They don't serve vegan in jail
1943 01:40:56 Hey.
1944 01:40:59 Molly...
1945 01:41:01 I'm really sorry.
1946 01:41:04 I know you wanted a guy to trust
1947 01:41:08 And I let you down in a lot of ways.
1948 01:41:11 And...
1949 01:41:15 It's good that you're mad at me.
1950 01:41:17 I think it's good. I think you should be mad at more guys
1951 01:41:20 because you deserve a guy who's good and who doesn't lie to you.
1952 01:41:25 And you should never settle for less than that.
1953 01:41:28 There are good guys out there
1954 01:41:32 who aren't assholes like me.
1955 01:41:36 Thanks for saving my life
1956 01:41:38 asshole.
1957 01:41:43 Put her there
1958 01:41:58 I'll come back later.
1959 01:42:04 We're
1960 01:42:08 It's crazy.
1961 01:42:09 - Number one or two? - Three.
1962 01:42:12 - Sam Jackson one. Yeah! - Sam Jackson style.
1963 01:42:16 Boom
1964 01:42:24 Where is he? There's my guy!
1965 01:42:25 There he is! That's him. That's him.
1966 01:42:28 - Enough. - Too long on the hug.
1967 01:42:29 Congratulations
1968 01:42:33 You got your first arrest
1969 01:42:36 - Look. Got something made for you. - You didn't!
1970 01:42:38 - Come on. All right
1971 01:42:40 New assignment.
1972 01:42:42 Since you two cowboys love to drink booze
1973 01:42:45 smoke weed with kids
1974 01:42:49 with low self-esteem
1975 01:42:51 I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
1976 01:42:55 Oh
1977 01:42:56 You two sons of bitches are going to college!
1978 01:42:59 "Yes! - No!
1979 01:43:42 Boo-yah!
1980 01:44:20 Oh
1981 01:44:37 Oh
1982 01:46:28 Hey
1983 01:46:29 What
