窈窕奶爸 Mrs. Doubtfire(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:13 ( "The Barber of Seville" by Rossini)
2 00:00:16 Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro,Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro
3 00:00:23 Figaro! Son qua
4 00:00:26 Figaro! Son qua
5 00:00:29 Figaro qua, Figaro la, Figaro qua, Figaro la,Figaro su, Figaro giu, Figaro su, Figaro giu
6 00:00:35 Pronto prontissimo, son come il fulmine,sono il factotum della citta
7 00:00:38 Della citta, della citta,della citta, della citta
8 00:00:43 Phew!
9 00:00:48 Ah bravo Figaro, bravo bravissimo,ah bravo Figaro, bravo bravissimo
10 00:00:51 A te fortuna, a te fortuna,a te fortuna non manchera
11 00:00:54 La la la la la la, la la la la la la,la la la la la la, la la la la
12 00:00:57 A te fortuna, a te fortuna,a te fortuna non manchera
13 00:01:01 Sono il factotum della citta
14 00:01:04 Sono il factotum della citta
15 00:01:07 Della citta, della citta
16 00:01:10 Della citta
17 00:01:17 - Oops.- Salutations, snack.
18 00:01:21 Yipe. On second thought...
19 00:01:24 Yiiiiipe!
20 00:01:27 9-1-1! 9-1-1!
21 00:01:29 Police! Civic authorities! ASPCA! ASAP!
22 00:01:32 Murder! Betrayal! Kidnapped!
23 00:01:35 No, birdnapped!
24 00:01:37 A cup of garlic, a twist of parakeet.
25 00:01:40 Eat your heart out, Julia Child.
26 00:01:44 Excuse me, but isn't it customaryfor the jailbird to get one telephone call
27 00:01:50 In your case, I think not.
28 00:01:52 Afternoon snacks have few civil liberties.
29 00:01:54 But I'm not wholly without heart.
30 00:01:57 How about a nice soothing cigarette
31 00:02:03 Pah! Agh! Ugh!
32 00:02:06 Oh, I will not do this. I cannot!
33 00:02:08 Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die!I don't want to get beak cancer.
34 00:02:13 No! My lungs are blackened!
35 00:02:15 Here we go again. Cut, cut, cut! Roll it back.
36 00:02:18 - Help me...- What are you doing Daniel...
37 00:02:21 That line is not in the script.Why did you add it
38 00:02:24 - I wanted to comment on the situation.- What situation
39 00:02:28 Shoving a cigarette into Pudgie's mouthis morally irresponsible.
40 00:02:32 This is a cartoon,not a friggin' Oprah Winfrey Special.
41 00:02:36 Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon.It's like telling them "Light up."
42 00:02:40 You can't put words in Pudgie's mouthif his mouth isn't moving.
43 00:02:44 It's voice-over. An interior monologue.Maybe even the voice of God.
44 00:02:48 (imperious voice) Pudgie, don't smoke.
45 00:02:51 - Actors.- What Let's askthe technicians.
46 00:02:54 Do you think it's morally rightto promote smoking to the youth of America
47 00:02:59 (whistles) They're biased. That's a mistrial.
48 00:03:02 Daniel, this sessionis costing the studio thousands.
49 00:03:06 If you want a paycheck, stickto the script.
50 00:03:09 If you want to play Gandhi,then do it on somebody else's time.
51 00:03:18 (as Gandhi)Then I've got to do what I've got to do.
52 00:03:22 That's very funny.Where the hell are you goin'
53 00:03:25 If you leave, you're not comin' back in.
54 00:03:27 I'm not takin' any crap from you, pal.
55 00:03:30 Well, in the words of Porky Pig:
56 00:03:33 P-P-P-P-P-P-Piss off, Lou.
57 00:04:10 - So what about that history test- Don't ask.
58 00:04:14 - Did you have fun in school- I painted a picture of a rainbow.
59 00:04:18 (whistles)
60 00:04:21 - (both) Dad- Daddy!
61 00:04:24 Daddy!
62 00:04:30 - I thoughtyou couldn't pick us up.- Well, I got off early.
63 00:04:34 - You mean you got fired- No, I quit... for reasons of conscience.
64 00:04:39 Actors.
65 00:04:40 (California drawl) Dude, congratulationson your 12th birthday. Got a surprise for ya.
66 00:04:46 - A stripper- Ooh, please!
67 00:04:48 - Two strippers- Hoo-hah, boy!
68 00:04:50 - A party- Yes!
69 00:04:52 No. No parties.
70 00:04:54 Mom said you couldn't have onebecause of your report card.
71 00:04:58 (as Jack Nicholson) Mom's not gonna behome for another four hours, is she
72 00:05:04 Prepare yourself... for the wild kingdom.
73 00:05:09 (hisses like a snake)
74 00:05:29 Coming up toward the very end.There she goes. And she wins that race.
75 00:05:33 Come on off now. Here we go.
76 00:05:37 You want to feed him
77 00:05:40 See if this guy will.
78 00:05:43 Oops. Sorry.
79 00:05:46 Shoo! Get out!
80 00:05:52 Shoo! Shoo!
81 00:06:15 - Gregory, enderson andillard.- Miranda Hillard, please.
82 00:06:21 I know whatyou're going for with thesemurals, but perhaps if they weren't so large.
83 00:06:26 - And let's do steel windows, not wood.- Uh-huh.
84 00:06:29 Eliminate the oriental rug.Let's try an Aubusson carpet.
85 00:06:33 - More pinkthan red.- Good idea.
86 00:06:36 Union Square Inn. This is better.
87 00:06:38 More Arts and Crafts. A Dirk Van Erp lamp,a Stickley chair. Don't be seduced by chintz.
88 00:06:43 Excuse me. Miranda,can I speakto you for a minute
89 00:06:46 - Yes. Excuse me.- Certainly.
90 00:06:49 Just be one minute.
91 00:06:51 I just got off the phonewith a Stuart Dunmeyer.
92 00:06:55 - Stuart Dunmeyer- Mm-hm. He said you were acquaintances.
93 00:06:58 Stuart Dunmeyer
94 00:07:00 He's putting millions into restoringthe old Wellman mansion on Nob Hill.
95 00:07:04 - He wants to make it into a $500-a-night B$B.- Yes, I read about it.
96 00:07:09 - He's been doing very well.- Mm-hm, that's him.
97 00:07:12 And he specifically asked for you, Miranda.
98 00:07:16 He did
99 00:07:18 - I told him you'd call first thing tomorrow.- Yes, I will.
100 00:07:22 Miss Hillard The operatorhas a Gloria Chaney on hold.
101 00:07:25 - She says it's an emergency.- Excuse me.
102 00:07:30 Gloria
103 00:07:40 ( "Jump Around" byouse of Pain)
104 00:07:44 - Oh, my God!- Is this your residence, ma'am
105 00:07:47 Yes, I'm sorry to say it is.
106 00:07:49 Are you aware it's illegal to possessbarnyard animals in a residential area
107 00:07:53 - What if you're married to one- We're also responding to a noise violation.
108 00:07:57 I'm going to respond myself.I'm awfully sorry about this. I'll...
109 00:08:02 You ate my begonias! God!
110 00:08:05 Get out of my way!
111 00:08:09 (pandemonium)
112 00:08:12 Jump around
113 00:08:14 Jump around
114 00:08:16 Jump around
115 00:08:18 Jump up, jump up and get down
116 00:08:27 Everybody jump, jump, jump, jump, jump
117 00:08:39 Oh... Shoo! Get! Get!
118 00:08:48 I'm the cream of the cropI rise to the top
119 00:08:50 I never eat a pig, cos a pig is a cop
120 00:08:52 Or better yet a Terminatorlike Arnold Schwarzenegger
121 00:08:55 Try to play me out, likeas if my name was Sega
122 00:08:57 I'm comin' to getya, I'm comin' to getya
123 00:08:59 Spittin' out lyrics, homey I'll wetya
124 00:09:01 I came to get down, I came to get down...
125 00:09:04 Hah!
126 00:09:06 Miranda! Whassup
127 00:09:09 You're home early, girlfriend.
128 00:09:11 Havin' a birthday in the house.
129 00:09:14 What the hell is going on around here
130 00:09:17 Don't get mad, honey. Listen.
131 00:09:19 You're home a little early. I was gonnaclean it all up before you got home.
132 00:09:24 Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump...
133 00:09:27 Honey... What are you looking for
134 00:09:31 I'd be careful. That pony had a lot of water.
135 00:09:34 (music stops)
136 00:09:43 Party's over.
137 00:09:48 (Daniel) She called youand you bust the birthday party. Great(!)
138 00:09:52 (Miranda) Don'tyou daremake me out to be the monster here, Daniel!
139 00:09:56 You have all the funand I get whatever's left over.
140 00:09:59 - You chose the career.- I have no choices here. I have no choices!
141 00:10:03 Even when I try to do something fun,you do it ten times bigger!
142 00:10:07 I bring home a cake and gifts.You bring the goddamn San Diego Zoo!
143 00:10:11 - And I have to clean up!- It's not toxic waste, just a few party plates!
144 00:10:15 Why am I the only onethat feels there has to be rules
145 00:10:18 Why do you alwaysmake me out to be the heavy
146 00:10:20 I don't. You do ityourself quite naturally.
147 00:10:23 - You set me up every time to be the bad guy.- Oh, lighten up, will ya
148 00:10:27 You spend too much time withthose corporate clones you used to despise.
149 00:10:32 I spend too much time with you, Daniel.It's over!
150 00:10:34 It's over.
151 00:10:38 Come on, Miranda. We've got problems,but who doesn't We could work 'em out.
152 00:10:44 We've been trying to workthem outfor 14 years.
153 00:10:47 Come on, please. Listen.Maybe we need some help, OK
154 00:10:52 Maybe a family therapistwill help us do this together.
155 00:10:55 It's too late for that.
156 00:10:58 Well, let's take a vacation with the kids,as a family. Getyou away from work.
157 00:11:02 You're a different person.You really are. You're great.
158 00:11:06 Our problems would be waiting for uswhen we got back.
159 00:11:09 We'll move, and hopefullyour problems won't follow us.
160 00:11:13 Daniel, please don't joke.
161 00:11:16 OK.
162 00:11:20 Yeah. We've just grown apart. We're different.
163 00:11:25 - We have nothing in common.- Oh, sure we do. We love each other.
164 00:11:35 Come on, Miranda. We love each other.
165 00:11:43 Don't we
166 00:11:49 I want a divorce.
167 00:11:53 (whispers) No.
168 00:12:01 We can't. We're a family. You know
169 00:12:06 I'm so sorry.
170 00:12:48 Yeah, Ma, he told me all about it.
171 00:12:52 Yeah, Ma. I heard, I heard.
172 00:12:56 - Well, yeah, he's here.- No.
173 00:13:00 Ma, he's not really in the mood to talk.
174 00:13:02 Yeah, depressed.I mean, his marriage is ending.
175 00:13:06 My marriage is not ending. It's just on hiatus.
176 00:13:13 Ma, I think he's in a little bit of denial.
177 00:13:15 No, we're taking good care of your little boy.Don't worry, Mom.
178 00:13:19 - Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam.- She says you're welcome.
179 00:13:23 That beige concealer.When are we gettin' more of it
180 00:13:26 - Next week.- You hear that, Ma Next week.
181 00:13:29 Wait, hang on.
182 00:13:31 - Enough already. It's a man.- How would you know
183 00:13:34 Bitch.
184 00:13:35 No, Ma, notyou. I was talkin' about the dog.
185 00:13:39 Ma, listen. We got peoplewaitin' for us on the set.
186 00:13:43 Oh, yeah. It's a busy life, Ma.Places to go, faces to paint.
187 00:13:47 Yeah, I'll tell him, Ma.
188 00:13:49 Don't worry, I'll tell him.
189 00:13:51 Yeah. Hold on, Ma.
190 00:13:53 She wants to knowif you want to come stay with her.
191 00:13:56 - No way.- He says he'll think about it, Ma.
192 00:14:00 I will. All right. I love you, too.
193 00:14:03 Bye, Ma.
194 00:14:05 Hey, listen, you know you can alwaysstay with us just as long as you want.
195 00:14:10 Thank you, but I'm OK, really.I mean, this is just a temporary thing.
196 00:14:15 I know Miranda. It's gonna blow over.
197 00:14:22 Mr and Mrs Hillard, although these custodyproceedings tend to favour the mother...
198 00:14:28 ...we also realise, perhaps now more thanever, that it is not in a child's best interest...
199 00:14:33 ...to deprive him or herof an obviously loving father.
200 00:14:38 However, since at the present time Mr Hillardhas no place to live and no employment...
201 00:14:45 ...it is the court's rulingto award sole custody to Mrs Hillard.
202 00:14:49 - (whispers) Congratulations.- No.
203 00:14:52 Mr Hillard will have visitation rightsevery Saturday.
204 00:14:55 - Can'tyou do something- He's made his decision.
205 00:14:58 Isn't it traditionalto say "I object" or something
206 00:15:01 Your Honour, please.
207 00:15:04 Every Saturday That's one day a week.
208 00:15:06 That's not enough.
209 00:15:09 I have to be with my children. It's nota question. I have to be with them, sir. Please.
210 00:15:14 I know it seems like a lot,but for me it's not enough. Really.
211 00:15:18 I haven't been away from 'em for more thanone day since the day they were born.
212 00:15:23 - Mr Hillard, this ruling is only temporary.- Oh, good.
213 00:15:27 I will assign a court liaisonto oversee your case.
214 00:15:30 There will be a continuanceof these proceedings in 90 days.
215 00:15:33 - I'm giving you three months, Mr Hillard.- Thank you.
216 00:15:36 Three months in which to get a job,keep it and create a suitable home.
217 00:15:41 If this proves to be a possibility for you...
218 00:15:44 ...I will consider a joint-custody arrangementwhen we reconvene. We're adjourned.
219 00:15:51 Well, it looks like there isa little light at the end of our tunnel.
220 00:16:25 - That's all my stuff.- This is all my fault.
221 00:16:29 God, no. Why would you thinkthat
222 00:16:32 I should have never had a birthday, Dad.
223 00:16:34 - This never would have happened.- Yes, it would.
224 00:16:37 It was an accident waiting to happen, OK
225 00:16:41 You did nothing wrong. You got that
226 00:16:44 OK, gimme five.
227 00:16:53 You're the man of the house now.
228 00:16:55 Don't be messy.
229 00:16:58 - You can't go now.- Honey, I have to.
230 00:17:02 We're in the middle of Charlotte's Web.Who's gonna finish it
231 00:17:07 Well, Grandma will finish it for you.
232 00:17:12 She's not as good. She always skips parts,and she never does the voices.
233 00:17:17 She smells funny, too.
234 00:17:19 That's the formaldehyde.That's why Granny's so well preserved.
235 00:17:25 Hey, come here.
236 00:17:28 Hey! It's the same as always.We just have a really big backyard, OK
237 00:17:34 - (whispers) I love you.- (whispers) I love you.
238 00:17:40 I'll miss you. Saturday comes real quick.
239 00:17:45 - I'll miss you.- Ditto.
240 00:17:49 Oh, Dad...
241 00:17:53 - Take care of her.- OK.
242 00:17:58 Goodbye.
243 00:18:05 Thanks for the time, warden.
244 00:18:13 Bye, Dad.
245 00:18:35 As your court liaison,I will be looking at two things.
246 00:18:39 - Your living environment...- It's more like a habitat, really.
247 00:18:44 And I will be coming by on Mondayand Friday evenings to inspect it.
248 00:18:50 Well, I'll put on a chicken.
249 00:18:52 And there's always the job issue.
250 00:18:55 This is the nearest employment office. I tookthe liberty of making an appointment for you.
251 00:19:00 - Thank you.- By the way, do you have any special skills
252 00:19:04 Oh, yes. I do.
253 00:19:06 I do voices.
254 00:19:09 What do you mean, you do voices
255 00:19:12 (German accent) Vell, I do voices.
256 00:19:14 Yes!
257 00:19:15 (as alien) We're looking for intelligent life.Oops, mistake!
258 00:19:18 (as immigrant) Happy to be in America.Don't ask for a green card.
259 00:19:22 (as monster) I wantyou in the worst way.
260 00:19:24 (as Groucho Marx) This meetingis certainly not going well for me.
261 00:19:28 (as Chico) Hey, boss, give her a chance.She's gonna loosen up any moment.
262 00:19:32 (as James Bond) Moneypenny,I want to undo that bow and get to know you.
263 00:19:36 (as salesman)I'm crazy to make a deal with you!
264 00:19:39 (as Ronald Reagan) Nancy and I arelooking for the other half of my head.
265 00:19:42 (as Walteruston) They're doin' it!I'm sittin' on a gold mine!
266 00:19:46 (as Bogart)Don't make me smack you, sweetheart.
267 00:19:48 Figaro!
268 00:19:49 I do a great impression of a hot dog.
269 00:19:54 Mr Hillard, do youconsider yourself humorous
270 00:19:57 I used to.
271 00:19:59 There was a time when I found myself funny.
272 00:20:02 But today you have proven me wrong.Thank you.
273 00:20:08 Listen, bottom line...
274 00:20:11 I need to be with my children,and I'll do antyhing to do that.
275 00:20:15 You just tell me what to do.
276 00:20:35 - Excuse me. You Tony- That's me.
277 00:20:37 Hi. I'm Daniel Hillard, the actor.
278 00:20:42 Follow me.
279 00:20:46 Oh, films! Will I beintroducing these movies on air
280 00:20:50 - Not exactly.- What do I do
281 00:20:53 You take all these cans.You box 'em and you ship 'em.
282 00:20:56 Then you box those cans over there.Ship them. Then more will come in.
283 00:21:00 You box those, you ship those.
284 00:21:03 Any questions
285 00:21:06 After you box 'em
286 00:21:08 You ship 'em.
287 00:21:11 Lots of luck, smartass.
288 00:21:16 I think I made a friend.
289 00:21:26 - Miranda.- Stu!
290 00:21:34 Hello, Miranda.
291 00:21:36 - It's been a long time.- Yes.
292 00:21:42 Mr Dunmeyer's come byto look over your sketches.
293 00:21:47 Um...
294 00:21:48 Let me show you to the conference room.
295 00:21:52 As you probably know,the estate was built in 1876.
296 00:21:55 These sketches are meant to reflectyour desire to have it completely restored.
297 00:22:00 You look better than ever.
298 00:22:02 The lobby will resemble a music salon withinspiration from the French Second Empire.
299 00:22:07 I was thinking a 17th-century grand piano...
300 00:22:10 I've been following your careerthese past couple of years.
301 00:22:14 A tufted sofa, a Flemish tapestry,a brass-bound Regency-style table...
302 00:22:19 I'd love to get reacquainted. Catch up.
303 00:22:24 Mantel clocks...
304 00:22:27 ...fringed, upholstered chairs, heavy drapes.
305 00:22:30 Can we talk Over dinner, maybe
306 00:22:34 Stuart, thank you. I... I...
307 00:22:37 I... I'm at the beginning of a divorce.
308 00:22:42 It just didn't work out.
309 00:22:44 - Oh, Miranda, I'm sorry.- You don't have to say that.
310 00:22:48 No, really. I mean, I neverheld any grudges or antyhing. I just...
311 00:22:53 Well, I always hoped you'd find happiness.
312 00:22:56 Oh, God, that's so nice.
313 00:22:59 I was just worried my coming in heremight scare you off the project.
314 00:23:03 No, no. Of course not. I...
315 00:23:06 I'm a professional. I'm...
316 00:23:09 I was flattered thatyou thought of meafter all these years and everything.
317 00:23:14 Yeah, everything.
318 00:23:17 Well... Ancient history.
319 00:23:20 Yeah.
320 00:23:23 Yeah.
321 00:23:27 - I'm late. I've got a meeting at the bank.- Oh.
322 00:23:34 Can we talk maybe later in the week
323 00:23:37 - Sure.- Good.
324 00:23:39 It's good to see you again.
325 00:24:04 (Daniel) Mmm, good, huh
326 00:24:09 I knowthe placedoesn't look like much now, but...
327 00:24:12 ...it'll be OK. How do you like it
328 00:24:16 - Nice.- It's OK.
329 00:24:19 Detestable.
330 00:24:22 Hey, just give me some time.
331 00:24:25 I'm not too comfortablewith this new lifestyle.
332 00:24:28 Neither are we.
333 00:24:30 I know it's hard, sweetie.
334 00:24:34 Can't you just tell Mom you're sorry
335 00:24:39 Wish I could.
336 00:24:42 You know, grown-up problems...
337 00:24:44 They're a little more complicated, Nattie.
338 00:24:50 How isthe old battle-axe
339 00:24:53 - Your mom.- She's fine.
340 00:24:55 Oh. I'm glad to hear that.
341 00:24:59 I'd hate to thinkthat she came downwith amoebic dysentery or piles.
342 00:25:04 What's amoebic dysentery
343 00:25:07 It's an infection in your tummywhere you get diarrhoea for ever.
344 00:25:11 - Diarrhoea for ever- And your body dries up and you die.
345 00:25:15 - You die- You don't have to be so graphic with her.
346 00:25:18 - I read about it in a science book.- Why would you want Mommy to die
347 00:25:24 Oh, honey, I don't want Mommy to die.
348 00:25:28 Then why did you say that
349 00:25:32 Look, Dad, you're not trying very hard.
350 00:25:36 We only get to come here once a week.That's not very much.
351 00:25:41 You're right. I'm sorry. I'll try harder.
352 00:25:45 Nattie, I'll think good thoughts, OK
353 00:25:50 - About Mommy- I'll try. I really will.
354 00:25:54 - And call her a princess.- Oh... Oh, yes.
355 00:25:59 And right now I feel like a toad. (croaks)
356 00:26:05 (Daniel) Daddy's a toad.
357 00:26:12 (car horn)
358 00:26:14 - That's Mom.- Can't be. She's an hour early.
359 00:26:17 Come on, Nattie, we gotta go.
360 00:26:20 No, no! Come on, sit down, sit down.
361 00:26:22 Sit down!
362 00:26:24 You don't have to run offwhen she honks the horn.
363 00:26:27 Come on, you're on mytime now.
364 00:26:30 You're my goddamn kids, too!
365 00:26:39 Come on. Hey.
366 00:26:50 Hi.
367 00:26:52 Oh, Daniel... Charming.
368 00:26:55 Thank you, Miranda.I was going for a refugee motif.
369 00:26:58 Fleeing-my-homeland kind of thing.
370 00:27:01 But look at you!
371 00:27:03 This lovely Dances with Wolves motif.What's your Indian name: Shops With A Fist
372 00:27:08 - Are my children ready yet- No, our children are not ready yet...
373 00:27:12 ...because you are an hour earlyand youwere late dropping them off.
374 00:27:16 Daniel, I don't have time for this. I have todrop something off at the newspaper office.
375 00:27:22 Newspaper Are you taking outone of those personal ads
376 00:27:25 "DWFseeks WWM with BMW,into light B$ D"
377 00:27:30 I'm placing an ad for a housekeeper.
378 00:27:34 HousekeeperWhy do you need a housekeeper
379 00:27:37 I need someone to be there when the childrenget home from school, to clean, start dinner...
380 00:27:43 - How much are you gonna pay- $300 a week. Is that all right
381 00:27:47 300...
382 00:27:49 - May I see the ad- (sighs)
383 00:27:52 - I have a right as their father. Please- All right. Antyhing else you wanna see
384 00:27:57 - Are you offering- Not any more.
385 00:27:59 What's the change
386 00:28:01 - Are you guys all right- Yeah, Mommy. We're fine.
387 00:28:04 Ugh!
388 00:28:06 Miranda, why not let metake care of the kids
389 00:28:08 I'll pick 'em up after school, be with them,then drop them off atyour house after work.
390 00:28:13 - That'd be great!- Please!
391 00:28:15 - Look. The kids love it.- Mommy, please!
392 00:28:18 I'll think about it.
393 00:28:25 We're his goddamn kids, too.
394 00:28:32 Kids say the darndest things.
395 00:28:35 Thank you. Any other choice phrasesyou'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel
396 00:28:41 Oh! Come on,everybody get their coats. Come on.
397 00:28:45 - Put them on and let's get out of here.- OK, Mom.
398 00:28:49 I would say go to the bathroom before we go,but I don't thinkthat's a good idea.
399 00:28:58 Don't forget antyhing.I don't wanna come back.
400 00:29:01 Come on, let's go.
401 00:29:03 - See you Saturday.- Say goodbye to your father.
402 00:29:06 Goodbye, Daddy.
403 00:29:10 - Here's your ad.- I'll get my purse.
404 00:29:13 Yeah, you'd better.
405 00:29:28 (mobile phone rings)
406 00:29:30 (Miranda) Hello. Are you callingin response to the ad
407 00:29:33 Uh-huh.
408 00:29:34 - Who was your previous employer- I was in a band. Severe Tyre Damage.
409 00:29:39 - In a band- I just wanna know one thing.
410 00:29:42 Are your kids well-behaved, or do they need,like, a few light slams every now and then
411 00:29:47 - Um... I'll have to get backto you.- Wow!
412 00:29:54 (German accent)My name is llsa Himmelman.
413 00:29:57 How many children do you have
414 00:29:59 - I have two girls and a boy.- Oh, a boy!
415 00:30:02 (Swedish accent) I don't work with the malescos I used to be one.
416 00:30:09 Yikes.
417 00:30:11 (phone rings)
418 00:30:14 - Hello.- (screams)
419 00:30:16 (Southern US accent) Leyla, get backin your cell! Don't make me get the hose!
420 00:30:21 Hello
421 00:30:27 (Spanish accent) I... am... job.
422 00:30:30 - Do you speak English- I... am... job.
423 00:30:35 I'm sorry. The position has been filled.
424 00:30:38 Oh, what a nightmare!
425 00:30:42 Let's go in for the kill.
426 00:30:46 (phone rings)
427 00:30:54 - Hello- (as Scottish woman) Hello.
428 00:30:56 I'm calling in regardsto the ad I read in the paper.
429 00:31:01 Yes... Well, would you tell mea little bit aboutyourself
430 00:31:05 Oh, certainly, dear.
431 00:31:07 For the past 15 years I've worked forthe Smtyhe family of Elbourne, England.
432 00:31:13 That's Smtyhe, not Smith, dear.
433 00:31:15 And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking,and took care of their four glorious children.
434 00:31:22 Oh, I grew guite attached to them after 15years, but they grew up, as children tend to.
435 00:31:27 Oh, but listen to me. I am going on when youshould be telling me aboutyour little ones.
436 00:31:33 - Well, I have two girls...- Oh, two precious gems.
437 00:31:36 No doubt the jewel of your eye.
438 00:31:38 - And one boy.- Oh, the little prince. How wonderful.
439 00:31:43 I must tell you,a little light cooking is required.
440 00:31:46 Oh, I don't mind that, dear.I'd love some heavy cooking.
441 00:31:49 But I do have one rule: They'll only eatgood, nutritious food with me.
442 00:31:54 And if there's any dispute, it's eithergood, wholesome food or empty tummies.
443 00:31:58 That's my rule.I hope it's not too harsh for you, dear.
444 00:32:02 No! Um...
445 00:32:04 Would you mind coming on an interviewSay, Monday night at 7.30
446 00:32:08 - Oh, I'd love to, dear.- Wonderful.
447 00:32:11 I'm at 2640 Steiner Street.
448 00:32:16 Steiner. Oh, how lovely.
449 00:32:19 - Could you tell me your name- My name
450 00:32:23 I thought I gave it to you, dear.
451 00:32:26 - No.- Oh!
452 00:32:32 - Doubtfire.- I beg your pardon
453 00:32:35 Doubtfire, dear. Mrs Doubtfire.
454 00:32:38 - Well, I look forward to meeting you.- Oh, lovely, dear. Me, too.
455 00:32:43 - Bye-bye.- Ta-ta.
456 00:32:49 Showtime. (chuckles)
457 00:32:56 - Daniel, hi.- Could you make me a woman
458 00:33:00 Honey, I'm so happy!
459 00:33:03 - Oh, come here.- I knew you'd understand.
460 00:33:08 - Is this gonna hurt- Don't whine. Just relax.
461 00:33:11 - Are you sure- Just remember, pain is beauty.
462 00:33:14 - OK, take a deep breath... Instant eye lift.- Whoa.
463 00:33:20 And the strings are under the wig.
464 00:33:22 - The man has five-o'clock shadow at 8.30am.- All right, we'll start with make-up.
465 00:33:28 - I'm not gonna wax.- Don't worry. We'll just lightly spackle.
466 00:33:31 - I feel like Gloria Swanson.- You look like her mother.
467 00:33:35 (as Gloria Swanson)I'm ready for my close-up, Mr DeMille.
468 00:33:39 OK, everyone... Let's pray.
469 00:33:45 (Spanish accent) I hope you are usingJungle Red. That is the colour I love.
470 00:33:49 - Matches your lips.- God bless you.
471 00:33:51 I'm feeling fabulousbecause I met this beautiful Cuban.
472 00:33:54 Every night is like the Bay of Pigs.
473 00:33:57 I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him.
474 00:34:00 I don't know. This would scare the children.Maybe this is too much for them.
475 00:34:05 I think we have to go to the next level.
476 00:34:08 Latex.
477 00:34:10 (Yiddish accent) Oy, it was such a shandeh.
478 00:34:13 I should never buy gribbenesfrom a mohel.It's so chewy.
479 00:34:17 - No, I feel like Bubbee. This is not working.- Don't worry.
480 00:34:20 It's a work in progress and you're my brother.I will never letyou be embarrassed.
481 00:34:25 - God bless you.- We'll have to do the entire face.
482 00:34:27 But look at this nice thing we have here.
483 00:34:30 Matchmaker, matchmaker,make me a match
484 00:34:33 Find me a find, catch me a catch
485 00:34:41 Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter
486 00:34:43 Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
487 00:34:46 Don't bring around a cloudto rain on my parade
488 00:34:50 It's not working. I need to go older.
489 00:34:53 Older Like Shelley Winters olderor Shirley MacLaine older
490 00:34:56 - What's the difference- Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.
491 00:35:00 - What about Joan Collins- Oh, I don't think I have the strength.
492 00:35:04 But I have some plaster.
493 00:35:06 ( "Luck Be a Lady Tonight"by Frank Sinatra)
494 00:35:11 Luck, be a lady tonight
495 00:35:18 Luck, be a lady tonight
496 00:35:24 Luck, if you've everbeen a lady to begin with
497 00:35:30 Luck, be a lady tonight
498 00:35:40 Luck, let a gentleman see
499 00:35:46 ow nice a dame you can be
500 00:35:52 I know the way you've treatedother guys you've been with
501 00:35:58 Luck, be a lady with me
502 00:36:05 Luck, be a lady
503 00:36:09 - Are we close- Any closer...
504 00:36:12 ...and you'd be Mom.
505 00:36:17 Tonight!
506 00:36:31 (Nattie) That's disgusting!
507 00:36:34 - The most revolting thing I've ever seen.- (doorbell)
508 00:36:38 Awesome.
509 00:36:42 What is this Turn it off, will you
510 00:36:44 Come on. I wantyouto meet this lady with me.
511 00:36:47 I wantyou to be polite to her, then...tell me whatyou think.
512 00:36:51 Everybody stand over hereand help me decide what to do.
513 00:37:00 Hello. Mrs Hillard, I presume.
514 00:37:03 Yes. I'm Miranda Hillard.
515 00:37:05 Euphegenia Doubtfire.
516 00:37:07 Yes. Won'tyou please come in
517 00:37:10 Thank you, dear.
518 00:37:13 - And these must be the cherubs.- Yes.
519 00:37:17 - This is Natalie.- Oh, hello, Natalie.
520 00:37:20 - Are you wearing bug spray- Nattie!
521 00:37:22 It's quite all right, dear. No offence taken.I was a little liberal with the atomiser.
522 00:37:27 And at my age, it's like a good Stilton.Everything has its own aroma.
523 00:37:31 I admire that honesty, Nattie.That's a noble quality. Never lose that...
524 00:37:36 ...because it often disappears with ageor entering politics.
525 00:37:40 Look at that face.You remind me of Stuart Little...
526 00:37:44 ...one of the most honourable creaturesin all of literature.
527 00:37:47 - Do you knowthat book, Stuart Little- Yeah! It's one of my favourites.
528 00:37:52 Mine, too! Maybe I could read it to you -if I get the position.
529 00:37:56 - That would be wonderful.- And who is this strapping young lad
530 00:37:59 - This is Chris.- Hello, Christopher.
531 00:38:02 Hello.
532 00:38:03 Jeez, you're big for a lady.You could play for the 49ers.
533 00:38:07 Well, I was a fullback.But that's European football, dear.
534 00:38:11 - Soccer- Yes. You play soccer, too
535 00:38:14 - Yeah!- Oh, isn't that amazing
536 00:38:16 Yes, I was captain of the women's team.We won three university championships.
537 00:38:21 Oh, but that was decades ago!
538 00:38:23 But I was more disciplined then. I alwaysput my studies ahead of my athletics.
539 00:38:28 I'm sure you're the sameand you've done all your homework already.
540 00:38:31 - Well, not exactly.- Really Oh. That's a pity.
541 00:38:35 Young men who don't do their studiesoften miss out on more amusing activities.
542 00:38:42 - And who is this young lady- This is Lydia.
543 00:38:47 Hello, Lydia.
544 00:38:51 This isn't fair, Mom.Why do we need a housekeeper anyway
545 00:38:54 - This is all I need.- Why can't Dad do it
546 00:38:57 Dear, I don't think it's appropriate to arguewith your mother in front of a stranger.
547 00:39:03 I just don't see whywe can't spend the extra time with Dad.
548 00:39:06 Maybe she's right, dear. Maybe their fatherwould be a more appropriate person.
549 00:39:11 No, I don't think so.
550 00:39:13 It's not my fault, honey. If he wouldget a job and a decent apartment...
551 00:39:18 - You see, he's the kind...- Excuse me, dear.
552 00:39:21 I'm sure you'd want the childrento step out of the room...
553 00:39:25 ...before you verbally bash their father. Hm
554 00:39:28 If I did that, I might never see them again.
555 00:39:33 - I'm sorry. You're right.- No harm done.
556 00:39:35 - You're absolutely right.- I'm not a therapist. I just see what I see.
557 00:39:40 Why don'tyou guys go on upstairsI'll be up in a minute.
558 00:39:43 - It's lovely to meetyou.- Yeah, nice to meetyou.
559 00:39:47 You too, Lydie.
560 00:39:55 - Oh, they're a spirited bunch.- Yes.
561 00:39:57 - Especially Lydie. She's got daggers for you.- I know.
562 00:40:01 - They're very upset with me right now.- Probably the divorce.
563 00:40:04 How did you know
564 00:40:07 You can sense it, dear -the way she talks about her father.
565 00:40:10 I don't think he's in the Navy, the way she'ssaying she misses him. It's like he's nearby.
566 00:40:16 - Yes.- Oh, that's so sad.
567 00:40:18 - Would you care to have a cup of tea- I'd love that.
568 00:40:21 - It's right in here.- What a lovely home you have.
569 00:40:24 - Did you decorate this yourself- Yes, I did.
570 00:40:26 Oh, it reeks of taste! Isn't this lovely, dear!
571 00:40:31 - Here's my resume.- Oh. Thank you.
572 00:40:34 - Let me start this tea.- Oh, no, dear. Let me get that for you.
573 00:40:37 You've had a hard day. You just sityourselfdown on that stool and leave the tea to me.
574 00:40:44 Thank you. That's very nice of you.
575 00:40:47 Oh, not at all, dear.
576 00:40:49 - Oh. What a wonderful resume.- Thank you, dear.
577 00:40:52 "Expert in first aid and CPR."
578 00:40:54 And Heimlich manoeuvre, dear.
579 00:40:57 You can never be too preparedwhen little ones are around.
580 00:41:00 They'll swallow antyhing.You've got to be ready to pop it out.
581 00:41:05 Oh, let's see.
582 00:41:07 Oh! What a perfectly appointed little cubby!
583 00:41:11 Look at this. Everythinghas its place and name tag.
584 00:41:15 How precise! It's lovely.
585 00:41:19 My husband never appreciated it.
586 00:41:21 Oh. Poor dolt.
587 00:41:23 That's not the reasonyou divorced him, was it
588 00:41:27 No.
589 00:41:29 It's so sad, because marriagecan be such a blessing.
590 00:41:33 - So can divorce.- Oh.
591 00:41:37 Daniel is a... very difficult man to live with.But the children are crazy about him.
592 00:41:44 You don't have to be a psychic to sense that.
593 00:41:48 My, you certainly do know your wayaround a kitchen!
594 00:41:52 Oh! Uh...
595 00:41:54 It's just because everything is so accessible.You designed it.
596 00:41:58 I'm amazed there isn't a little label therethat says "spoons".
597 00:42:05 You remind me of someone.
598 00:42:09 Really Who
599 00:42:13 I feel like I've known you for years.
600 00:42:17 Maybe we knew each other in another life.(chuckles)
601 00:42:22 I would love for youto come and work with us.
602 00:42:25 - So would I.- Great!
603 00:42:28 It would be an honour.
604 00:42:31 To us.
605 00:42:33 To us. The start of a business relationship.
606 00:42:49 (mutters and curses)
607 00:43:07 Good evening, dear.
608 00:43:11 Evening, ma'am.
609 00:43:19 Cold night, isn't it
610 00:43:21 Yes, it is.
611 00:43:24 Hope you have somethin' nice and warmto go home to.
612 00:43:41 (as Daniel) My back.
613 00:43:43 Jesus! If I find the misogynistic bastardthat invented heels, I'll kill him.
614 00:43:50 God!
615 00:44:00 Excuse me.
616 00:44:02 Mrs Sellner!
617 00:44:05 Have we met
618 00:44:08 No. But Danny's told me all aboutyou.
619 00:44:12 I'm his sister.
620 00:44:15 His... much older sister.
621 00:44:19 - You have his eyes.- Only if he fills out a donor card.
622 00:44:22 (chuckles)
623 00:44:25 - Is Mr Hillard in I have an appointment.- Do you Oh, that's wonderful.
624 00:44:29 Let me go up and get himand he'll be right down.
625 00:44:32 - I'll come with you.- No.
626 00:44:34 - Yes.- Why
627 00:44:35 Because I have an appointment on Mondayand Friday evenings to checkthe apartment.
628 00:44:41 I remember him saying something about that.
629 00:44:44 Are you sure, dearIt's three floors, hoofin' it all the way.
630 00:44:48 - If you can do it, I can.- I'll bet so!
631 00:44:50 - Is your ticker all right- Topnotch.
632 00:44:53 Oh, good! Cos I don't wantto jump-startya. (chuckles)
633 00:44:59 Damn door.
634 00:45:00 Come in, please, dear. Sorry about that.
635 00:45:03 Here we are. Daniel's abode.
636 00:45:08 Oh, that's mine, dear.I'm a messy house guest.
637 00:45:12 Well, just make yourself at home.I'll be right back.
638 00:45:15 E'll be back. I'll go get him.
639 00:45:17 Don't be afraid. I'll be right there. Danny!
640 00:45:20 Danny boy, where are youOh, here he is, dear. I found him.
641 00:45:24 Danny, there's a Mrs Sellner here to see you!
642 00:45:27 - (as Daniel) Oh, is she here- Yes, she is.
643 00:45:30 (as Daniel) Mrs Sellner,I just got out of the shower!
644 00:45:33 I think you'll be very pleased with me!
645 00:45:35 I've been throughsome really interesting changes!
646 00:45:39 And I'm becoming a new manand a model father!
647 00:45:44 He'll be right there. He's just changing, dear.
648 00:45:48 (as Daniel) I want to keep you abreastof the changes in my career!
649 00:45:52 There have been two big developments!I'm finally starting to come into my own!
650 00:45:56 Things are really starting to take shape,and I'm blossoming! Really, I am!
651 00:46:01 Things were hairy for a while...
652 00:46:03 ...but oh! I'm in great shape now!
653 00:46:06 I'm my own man now! Oh, yes!
654 00:46:10 A job I could really sink my teeth into!
655 00:46:13 I'll be right there, Mrs Sellner!
656 00:46:19 So nice I don't have tosave face any more, Mrs Sellner!
657 00:46:25 - (shrieks)- Mrs Sellner! How are you Always a joy!
658 00:46:29 If you wanted some cheese,why didn'tyou just say so
659 00:46:33 Well, you'll be happy to knowthat I now am holding down two jobs.
660 00:46:36 One for an educational film and TV company- heavy responsibility.
661 00:46:40 - And the other- Cleaning houses. Not mine.
662 00:46:46 - Big girl!- Your sister is English
663 00:46:49 She's half-English, half-American.
664 00:46:51 Half-sister, really. That makes heran eighth English I've never done the math.
665 00:46:55 Let me see, my father was American.He... flewfor the English during the war.
666 00:47:00 He was in London and...he met this lovely Englishwoman.
667 00:47:04 Well, my sister was the fruit of their passions.
668 00:47:07 - (shrieks)- Sorry. My sister's, notyours.
669 00:47:11 You see, she's not a very good housekeeper.But she makes a fabulous cup of English tea.
670 00:47:16 Really Well, I would adorea good cup of English tea.
671 00:47:20 Oh! Wouldn't we all! I'll go get her.
672 00:47:23 Sis! Oh, sis!
673 00:47:26 Sis, are you in here
674 00:47:28 (mutters) Tea Cup of TNT.
675 00:47:37 (boys giggle)
676 00:47:49 (boy) Sick. Mom!
677 00:47:53 Whoa!
678 00:47:56 My face!
679 00:48:04 I've gotta go down and get it.
680 00:48:06 (boys giggle)
681 00:48:08 Argh! Norman Bates!
682 00:48:25 (creak)
683 00:48:32 Miss Hillard
684 00:48:34 - (as Mrs Doubtfiire) Yes, dear- I take sugar in my tea.
685 00:48:38 Oh, your tea!
686 00:48:40 I'll be right there with your tea!
687 00:48:46 Coming right up, dear!Sugar - one lump or two, dear
688 00:48:49 - Two, please!- Tea, sugar, hot water.
689 00:48:53 You got it - argh!Coming rightyour way, dear!
690 00:48:56 I'll be right there with your tea!
691 00:48:59 (truck horn)
692 00:49:02 No! Stop!
693 00:49:04 Stop!
694 00:49:07 No!
695 00:49:12 Oh... shit!
696 00:49:17 Ow! Ohhh!
697 00:49:20 - Can I give you a hand- Oh, no, dear! I don't need a hand.
698 00:49:25 (mutters) I need a face. A face.
699 00:49:28 - Are you sure- Oh, definitely!
700 00:49:38 I'm not a Muslim.I need a face. A face. Oh, God.
701 00:49:45 Miss Hillard The water's boiling.
702 00:49:49 - Hello!- Argh!
703 00:49:51 Oh, I'm sorry to frighten you, dear.I must look like a yeti in this get-up.
704 00:49:57 This is my nightly meringue mask.Part of my beauty regimen.
705 00:50:01 It's basically egg whites, creme fraiche,powdered sugar, vanilla and a touch of alum.
706 00:50:06 There you go, dear. Oh! You've gotyourcream and sugar. It's a little cappu-tea-no.
707 00:50:11 One drop or two Would you like another
708 00:50:14 Oh! There you go! (chortles)
709 00:50:16 As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear.I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix.
710 00:50:21 There we go again! I'll go get Danny.He'll be right with you. Hold on.
711 00:50:26 - Danny!- (as Daniel) Coming, sis!
712 00:50:30 - It was lovely to have metyou!- Lovely to meet you.
713 00:50:51 - Had a little accident.- Be careful this time. She's an old woman.
714 00:50:58 Why wasn't I an only child
715 00:51:01 ( "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag"by James Brown)
716 00:51:04 (bell rings)
717 00:51:09 e ain't too hip
718 00:51:12 'Bout that new breed thing
719 00:51:16 Ain't no drag
720 00:51:19 Papa's got a brand new bag
721 00:51:24 Come here, Mama
722 00:51:27 And dig this crazy scene
723 00:51:31 e's not too fancy
724 00:51:34 But his mind is pretty clean
725 00:51:37 - Sorry.- That's quite all right.
726 00:51:39 e ain't no drag
727 00:51:42 Papa's got a brand new bag
728 00:51:45 ey! Come on
729 00:51:50 Ready OK.
730 00:51:52 - Did you have fun in school- Uh-huh.
731 00:51:54 - What did you do- I painted a picture of a bunny...
732 00:51:57 ...and the teacher liked it.- She did
733 00:52:00 Uh-huh.
734 00:52:01 Ere it is, Mel. $1,000 worth of hair.What am I supposed to do with it
735 00:52:05 - Alan, I was wondering if...- You want one of them
736 00:52:09 - I'd rather make a coat for my wife.- (laugh track)
737 00:52:12 All right, everyone.It's time to expand your minds.
738 00:52:16 - It's homeworktime. OK- Yeah, but... after Dick Van Dyke.
739 00:52:23 No. Now.
740 00:52:26 No.
741 00:52:28 We always watch Dick Van Dyke.
742 00:52:33 Really Well, not any more.
743 00:52:38 The only thing you'll be watchingis Deep Sea-N-N.
744 00:52:42 Now...
745 00:52:44 ...I know you're used to loosey-goosey.
746 00:52:47 But I run a much tighter ship.
747 00:52:51 Between the hours of 3pm and 7pm,I'm in charge.
748 00:52:56 And when I'm in charge,you will follow a schedule.
749 00:53:00 Those who do not followthe schedulewill be punished.
750 00:53:04 - (whispers) Punished- She's lying.
751 00:53:07 She'd never punish us.
752 00:53:09 Don't... fuss with me.
753 00:53:42 (vacuum cleaner off)
754 00:53:44 This is exploitation. It's not fair.
755 00:53:46 - Shut up, Lydie.- Yeah. You got us into this.
756 00:53:50 Ooh, my little ankle-biters.
757 00:53:52 Do I sense dissension in the ranks
758 00:53:55 Are we ready for homework,or shall we continue manual labour
759 00:53:59 - No. Antyhing but this.- Then upstairs, my little nose-miners.
760 00:54:04 Go. Flee before me!
761 00:54:07 Onward and upward!
762 00:54:09 Go pump some neurons.
763 00:54:12 Expand your craniums.
764 00:54:14 - I miss Dad.- Me, too.
765 00:54:16 (Nattie) Me most.
766 00:54:20 (as Daniel) I'm here, guys.
767 00:54:23 In some form.
768 00:54:28 Let's see.
769 00:54:34 OK. Pinch of basil.
770 00:54:38 Oh! Damn!
771 00:54:47 Aaagghh!
772 00:54:49 Mayday!
773 00:54:51 Oh, God! It's gonna blow!
774 00:54:56 Easy, easy.
775 00:54:58 Damn. Calm down.
776 00:55:00 Oh... Oh... Come on.
777 00:55:02 Hey, hey, hey. How is it
778 00:55:05 Oh, my God. It's clotted. Oh, God.
779 00:55:09 This hollandaise smells like burnt rubber.
780 00:55:12 God, it's hot in here.
781 00:55:15 Aarghh! Aarghh! Aarghh!
782 00:55:26 Ohh!
783 00:55:29 (coughs)
784 00:55:33 Agh! Look at this!
785 00:55:35 My first day as a womanand I'm getting hot flashes.
786 00:55:55 - Hey, here's your food.- How much is it
787 00:55:58 - 135.27.- 135 dollars! That's certainly...
788 00:56:01 - And 27 cents.- 27 cents...
789 00:56:03 Four dinners. 20 bucks extra for rushing us.
790 00:56:06 Rushing Well, you could have beena little bit faster, dear.
791 00:56:10 - There's... 140. Do you have change- No.
792 00:56:14 I thoughtyou wouldn't.Thank you very much.
793 00:56:26 (car pulls up)
794 00:56:47 Hello!
795 00:56:51 Hello! Anybody home
796 00:56:55 - Where were you guys- Upstairs, doing our homework.
797 00:56:58 Mrs Doubtfire said we had to.
798 00:57:01 - Oh, she did, huh- Mm-hm.
799 00:57:03 Doing your homework. How great!
800 00:57:07 - Hi.- Hi, honey.
801 00:57:08 Look at this place! It looks wonderful!All spick-and-span.
802 00:57:21 Wow!
803 00:57:26 Dinner is served, madam.
804 00:57:29 How lovely!
805 00:57:53 Mrs Doubtfire
806 00:57:55 Lydia, dear. Get back insideright now before you freeze.
807 00:57:59 Look... I just want to apologisefor being such a pain today.
808 00:58:04 - Oh, dear, it's all right.- No, I'm really sorry.
809 00:58:09 It's just... I'm still kind of messed-up...about everything.
810 00:58:15 We all are, sweetie.
811 00:58:18 What
812 00:58:21 I just mean I understandthe pain you're all going through.
813 00:58:27 Yeah.
814 00:58:30 Well... I also wanted to thank you.
815 00:58:33 - For what- For making my mom so happy.
816 00:58:36 Oh.
817 00:58:38 She hasn't been in this good a mood since...I can't even remember.
818 00:58:46 It's been a long time.
819 00:58:48 - It has- Yeah.
820 00:58:52 Well, I gotta go back in, but...
821 00:58:54 - Go, go, go.- OK. Thank you.
822 00:58:58 You're welcome.
823 00:59:03 - Bye.- Bye.
824 00:59:08 (door closes)
825 00:59:11 Thank you.
826 00:59:25 (hollow laugh) Oh, no.
827 00:59:29 Well, milady! It's a pleasure to see you again!
828 00:59:34 A joy, as always.
829 00:59:40 (sighs)
830 00:59:54 I like that Mediterranean look in women.
831 00:59:58 Natural. Healthy.
832 01:00:02 Just the way God made ya.
833 01:00:05 He broke the mould when he made me, dear.He made me very special.
834 01:00:10 He sure did.
835 01:00:14 Bless you.
836 01:00:18 ( "Dude Looks Like a Lady" by Aerosmith)
837 01:00:21 Yeah, yeah
838 01:00:23 Dude looks like a lady
839 01:00:25 Yeah, yeah
840 01:00:27 Dude looks like a lady
841 01:00:29 Yeah, yeah
842 01:00:31 Dude looks like a lady
843 01:00:40 Never judge a book by its cover
844 01:00:44 Or who you gonna love by your lover
845 01:00:48 Say, love put me wise to her love in disguise
846 01:00:51 She had the body of a Venus
847 01:00:53 Lord, imagine my surprise
848 01:00:56 Yeah, yeah
849 01:00:57 Dude looks like a lady
850 01:00:59 Yeah, yeah
851 01:01:01 Dude looks like a lady
852 01:01:03 Yeah, yeah
853 01:01:05 Dude looks like a lady
854 01:01:07 Yeah, yeah
855 01:01:09 Dude looks like a lady
856 01:01:14 Cruised into a bar on the shore
857 01:01:18 er picture graced the grime on the door
858 01:01:21 She's a long-lost love at fiirst bite
859 01:01:25 Baby, maybe you're wrongbut you know it's all right
860 01:01:34 (as Richard Nixon)I am not a crook. I am not a crook.
861 01:01:37 "She kissed Stuart and thanked him."
862 01:01:40 (male voice) "'How was it down there 'Asked Mr Little...
863 01:01:43 ...who was always curious to knowabout places he'd never been to."
864 01:01:47 "'Lt was all right,' said Stuart."
865 01:01:49 ( "Dude Looks Like a Lady")
866 01:02:09 What a funky lady
867 01:02:13 Oh, she like it, like it, like it, like it
868 01:02:17 Ooh, he was a lady
869 01:02:21 Yeow
870 01:02:25 Yeah, yeah
871 01:02:27 Dude looks like a lady
872 01:02:29 Yeah, yeah
873 01:02:30 Dude looks like a lady
874 01:02:33 Yeah, yeah
875 01:02:34 Dude looks like a lady...
876 01:02:38 (as Daniel) Back off, asshole!
877 01:02:40 Beat it!
878 01:02:44 (as Mrs Doubtfiire) Broke my bag, the bastard.
879 01:02:55 Lover boy's here.
880 01:02:58 What a beautiful little car for Don Juan.
881 01:03:05 So sad when that happens!
882 01:03:08 It was our junior year in college, and yourmother got asked to design this big float.
883 01:03:16 (Miranda) I wasn't thatyoung.That's my picture.
884 01:03:19 - (laughter)...flying out everywhere, hityou in the face.
885 01:03:22 - (Miranda laughing) That's not true!- It was like Jaws.
886 01:03:26 - Isn't that the pretty picture!- Oh. Mrs Doubtfire.
887 01:03:31 Miranda. What a pleasant surpriseto see you home so early, dear.
888 01:03:35 - And who is your gentleman caller- This is Stu.
889 01:03:38 - He just wanted to come and meet the kids.- Oh, did he
890 01:03:41 Ah, this must be the famous Mrs Doubtfire.
891 01:03:45 It's a pleasure to meetyou.
892 01:03:48 Yes, well... Miranda's been raving aboutyou.
893 01:03:51 - Odd. She's never mentioned you.- No
894 01:03:54 - No.- Well... It's good to meetyou.
895 01:03:57 - You, too.- Yes.
896 01:04:00 I have a home in London. I was born there.What part of England are you from
897 01:04:05 - Here and there, dear. All over, really.- Yes
898 01:04:09 - Accent's a little kind of... muddled.- Really So is your tan.
899 01:04:13 (Mrs Doubtfiire chuckles)
900 01:04:16 Dear, can you help me with somethingI found this outside.
901 01:04:20 Er... yes. This is off my Mercedes.
902 01:04:23 Off your Mercedes, dearYou own that big, expensive car out there
903 01:04:27 Oh, dear. They say a manwho has to buy a big car like that...
904 01:04:31 ...is compensating for smaller genitals.
905 01:04:33 But not in your case, cos I seethat you're a strapping lad, aren'tya
906 01:04:38 - It was lovely to meetyou.- You too, dear.
907 01:04:41 - Mrs Doubtfire, may I speak with you- Ooh, certainly, dear.
908 01:04:46 Could you staya few extra hours this evening
909 01:04:49 Stu. That's more of a thick soupthan a name, really.
910 01:04:53 It's a name. It's short for Stuart.
911 01:04:55 - Is it- Yes. He's a client. And a friend.
912 01:04:58 - He was a friend. He is a friend.- What is he
913 01:05:01 - I don't know what's happening.- What is it, dear
914 01:05:04 - Isn't he fabulous- Oh... kind of, dear...
915 01:05:07 ...if you like that handsome, rugged type.
916 01:05:10 But personally I prefer short, furry and funny.
917 01:05:13 He just wants to go out and have a drink.
918 01:05:16 - I thinkthat's pretty harmless. Don'tyou- Absolutely not, dear.
919 01:05:20 - They always have other intentions.- This is business, mostly.
920 01:05:23 I'll just sip club sodaand we'll go over wallpaper samples.
921 01:05:27 Dear Miranda. Wake upand smell the coffee, dear.
922 01:05:30 Can't you see the lust in that man's eyes
923 01:05:33 It's too soon, dear. Really.
924 01:05:36 You've got to give your divorce time.
925 01:05:39 Let your sheets cool down before you bringsomeone else into the bed. All right
926 01:05:44 Mrs Doubtfire, may I ask you a question
927 01:05:46 Certainly, dear.
928 01:05:48 How long after Mr Doubtfire passed away...
929 01:05:51 - Winston.- Winston.
930 01:05:53 ...did you feel any... desire...
931 01:05:59 - Never.- Never
932 01:06:01 - Never again.- Never again
933 01:06:03 Once the father of your childrenis out of the picture...
934 01:06:07 ...the only solution istotal and lifelong celibacy.
935 01:06:11 - Celibacy- Yes.
936 01:06:13 And if you violate that, heaven forgive ya.
937 01:06:17 Good luck.
938 01:06:20 Thank you.
939 01:06:28 (Mrs Doubtfiire) "Preponderance."
940 01:06:30 (Lydia) P-R-E...
941 01:06:33 ...P- O-N...
942 01:06:35 ...D- E-R... A-N-C-E.
943 01:06:39 Bravo. "Discriminate."
944 01:06:43 D-l-S... C-R...
945 01:06:46 ...l- M-l-N-A-T-E.
946 01:06:49 Oh, that's very good.Will you excuse me, dear Call of nature.
947 01:06:55 Check those. I'll be right back.
948 01:07:09 (raises toilet seat)
949 01:07:20 - Oh, God.- Oh, God!
950 01:07:23 - Oh, my God!- Chris! Wait!
951 01:07:26 Lydia! We gotta call the cops!
952 01:07:28 - We gotta dial 911 now!- Why
953 01:07:31 Mrs Doubtfire... He's a she!She's a she! He's a she-she!
954 01:07:34 - (Lydia) What!- Uh... Uh...
955 01:07:36 - He's half man, half woman!- What!
956 01:07:40 - All right, everyone. Calm down.- Freeze! Or you're gonna get it!
957 01:07:44 - In the balls!- Yeah!
958 01:07:46 - She's got 'em- She's got everything.
959 01:07:49 All right. Listen to me.
960 01:07:51 I'm not... who you think I am.
961 01:07:53 - No shit!- (as Daniel) Watch your mouth, young man!
962 01:08:00 Oh, my God.
963 01:08:06 - Dad- Yeah.
964 01:08:09 - Dad- Yeah, honey.
965 01:08:14 You don't really like wearin' that,do you, Dad
966 01:08:17 Well, some of it's comfortable... No! No.
967 01:08:20 It's a pain in the padded ass.This is not a way of life. It's just a job.
968 01:08:25 I don't go to old-lady bars orantyhing like that after work.
969 01:08:29 It's the only wayI could see you guys every day.
970 01:08:31 - Who did this- Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack.
971 01:08:36 Oh.
972 01:08:42 It's really you in there.
973 01:08:44 Yeah.
974 01:08:48 It's just a mask. And this is a body suit.I didn't have any operations or antyhing.
975 01:08:54 - It's good.- Yeah.
976 01:08:56 - Hi.- Hi.
977 01:08:59 - Sorry I scared you. Come here, Chris.- No. No, it's OK.
978 01:09:03 I get it. I just...don't wanna hug you or antyhing.
979 01:09:07 - Not justyet.- That's cool. It's a guy thing.
980 01:09:12 Yeah.
981 01:09:13 Well, nowthatyou know,you can't tell Mom, OK
982 01:09:17 Cos if she finds out, I'll only be ableto see you through plate glass. OK
983 01:09:23 And we can't tell Nattie,cos she'll blow my cover.
984 01:09:26 So you have to promise me,it's just us. All right
985 01:09:30 - You promise- Yeah.
986 01:09:35 It's OK.
987 01:09:38 All right It's our little secret.
988 01:09:45 Most of the dinosaurs... were herbivorous.
989 01:09:49 But this Tyrannosaurus rex...
990 01:09:53 ...is a carnivore.
991 01:10:02 The reptile-like... Saurischia...
992 01:10:06 ...Saurischia...
993 01:10:08 ...and the bird-like...
994 01:10:11 ...Ornithischia.
995 01:10:20 Now... we're going to go...
996 01:10:23 ...where no human being has ever been.
997 01:10:25 Oh, no.
998 01:10:29 Which one's the dinosaur
999 01:10:31 - The one in the middle, I think.- Nah, you're wrong. They're all extinct.
1000 01:10:38 I can't believe they're stillsubjecting kids to this. This is insane.
1001 01:10:42 There should be a disclaimer: Do not operateheavy machinery while watching this show.
1002 01:10:47 It's incredible.
1003 01:10:50 This guy used to put me to sleepwhen lwas a kid. It's amazing.
1004 01:10:54 He has the warmth of a snow pea. MakesMr Rogers look like Mick Jagger. It's insane.
1005 01:11:00 What kind of idiotkept this guy on the air for 25 years
1006 01:11:04 Me.
1007 01:11:08 You
1008 01:11:10 Jonathan Lundy.
1009 01:11:14 Jonathan Lundy, General Manager, owner
1010 01:11:16 Oh. I'm Daniel Hillard, former employee.
1011 01:11:20 Ah. Maybe.
1012 01:11:23 That's funny.
1013 01:11:25 I don't mean to criticise. I just...
1014 01:11:28 - Sometimes I have...- Criticise all you want. Show's terrible.
1015 01:11:32 I'm gonna cancel it. It's pullin' downthe whole afternoon schedule. It's gone.
1016 01:11:36 You know whatyou gotta do
1017 01:11:38 Start from scratch.Give it... maybe a musical number.
1018 01:11:41 - A little Tyrannosaurus rex comes out...- Hillard, getyour ass to the truck.
1019 01:11:47 That shipment's gotta makea six o'clock flight to LA.
1020 01:11:50 Tone, this is Mr Lundy.
1021 01:11:53 - He knows who I am.- Yeah.
1022 01:11:56 Did you ever wish thatyou couldfreeze-frame a single moment in your day...
1023 01:12:00 ...look at it and say "This is not my life"
1024 01:12:08 ( "Walk Like a Man" by the Four Seasons)
1025 01:12:13 Walk, walk
1026 01:12:15 e said:
1027 01:12:16 Walk like a man, talk like a man
1028 01:12:20 Walk like a man, my son
1029 01:12:24 No woman's worth crawling on the earth...
1030 01:12:30 Miranda. What are you home early for, dear
1031 01:12:33 I had an appointment. Oh, thank you!
1032 01:12:35 - With the court liaison. Mrs Sellner.- Oh!
1033 01:12:39 - I can't believe it.- What, dear
1034 01:12:42 She says Daniel has some womanliving with him pretending to be his sister!
1035 01:12:46 - Oh!- I told her he doesn't even have a sister.
1036 01:12:51 Mrs Sellner's probably mistaken.
1037 01:12:53 She's a social worker, dear. Really!
1038 01:12:57 And besides, how could he replace you
1039 01:13:01 And so quickly. Really!
1040 01:13:03 She's supposed to be olderand very unattractive.
1041 01:13:08 Really Oh.
1042 01:13:11 Mrs Doubtfire.
1043 01:13:15 - Yes- Did you and Mr Doubtfire ever...
1044 01:13:19 - You must have had your share of problems.- Oh, of course, dear. What marriage doesn't
1045 01:13:25 But I always say: The bad times fade away...
1046 01:13:29 ...and the good onesadhere themselves to your memory.
1047 01:13:32 - Yes. Excuse me.- That's all right.
1048 01:13:36 Oh... As I hold this cold meat,I'm reminded of Winston. God rest his soul.
1049 01:13:43 When did he... pass on
1050 01:13:47 Eight years ago, dear. This November.
1051 01:13:50 What happened
1052 01:13:52 - He was quite fond of the drink.- Ah.
1053 01:13:56 - It was the drinkthat killed him.- How awful.
1054 01:13:59 - He was an alcoholic- No. He was hit by a Guinness truck.
1055 01:14:03 So it was quite literallythe drinkthat killed him.
1056 01:14:06 - Howtragic!- Yes.
1057 01:14:13 Oh, but he was a good man, though, really.
1058 01:14:18 A sainted man.
1059 01:14:20 And despite his mountains of faults, dear...
1060 01:14:23 ...I always say: A flawed husbandis better than none at all.
1061 01:14:27 - Who needs a husband when I've gotyou- Surely you don't mean that, dear
1062 01:14:32 - Well...- Oh, that's so sweet!
1063 01:14:35 You can't imagine what it was likebeing married to Daniel.
1064 01:14:38 Tell me, dear. What was so horribleabout this man you lived with for 14 years
1065 01:14:43 Well, at first, nothing.
1066 01:14:46 He was... He was so... romantic.
1067 01:14:49 - So passionate.- Really
1068 01:14:51 He sounds like an absolute stud, dear.
1069 01:14:54 I hope you don't mind mebeing a tad rude, but...
1070 01:14:58 ...how was he... you know...on a scale of 1to 10
1071 01:15:02 Oh, well. That part was always...
1072 01:15:06 ...OK.
1073 01:15:08 Just OK Oh.
1074 01:15:11 He was probably a Casanovacompared to poor old Winston.
1075 01:15:15 - What was the matter with Winston- Oh, dear.
1076 01:15:17 Winston's idea of foreplay was"Effie, brace yourself."
1077 01:15:25 It was Daniel's spontaneity and energyI fell in love with.
1078 01:15:28 Really
1079 01:15:30 Everyone else I knewwas so organised, so scheduled.
1080 01:15:35 Like me, I guess.
1081 01:15:37 But Daniel was so wonderfully different.And funny. He could always make me laugh.
1082 01:15:42 I always say:The key to a solid marriage is laughter.
1083 01:15:46 But after a few years,everything just stopped being funny.
1084 01:15:50 - Why- I was working all the time and...
1085 01:15:54 ...he was always between jobs.I hardly ever got to see the kids, and...
1086 01:15:58 ...if I got home early to be with them,something would go wrong.
1087 01:16:02 The house would be wreckedand I'd have to clean it up.
1088 01:16:07 He never knew, but so many nights I just...cried myself to sleep.
1089 01:16:14 Really
1090 01:16:18 The truth is, I didn't like who I waswhen I was with him.
1091 01:16:22 I would turn into this horrible person.
1092 01:16:25 I didn't want my kids growing upwith a mother like that.
1093 01:16:30 When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better.
1094 01:16:34 And... I'm sure he's betterwhen he's not with me.
1095 01:16:40 Well, you never...
1096 01:16:42 I mean... Did you eversay antyhing to him, dear
1097 01:16:49 Daniel never likedto talk about antyhing serious.
1098 01:16:58 I used to think Daniel could do antyhing...except be serious.
1099 01:17:05 But then, lwas serious enoughfor everybody.
1100 01:17:30 - Oh!- (Nattie) This is great!
1101 01:17:32 (Mrs Doubtfiire) Isn't this posh!
1102 01:17:36 I'll bet it's very exclusive. Probably needa credit reference just to get in the pool.
1103 01:17:41 - Amazing!- Oh, Nattie.
1104 01:17:44 Not a single bodythat exists in nature. Look at that.
1105 01:17:48 - Lydie...- There's Stu!
1106 01:17:50 (Mrs Doubtfiire) Where Oh. On the board.
1107 01:17:53 Oh, isn't he a stunning piece of work
1108 01:17:56 Look, Nattie. That's called liposuction.
1109 01:18:08 (Miranda laughs) Wow!
1110 01:18:10 I hope he had protection,hitting the water at that speed.
1111 01:18:14 - Let's go say hi.- Let's do, please.
1112 01:18:17 - Wow! That's amazing.- Stunning.
1113 01:18:27 - Hello! You look lovely!- Hi.
1114 01:18:30 Oh, guys, I'm so glad you could make it.
1115 01:18:33 - By the looks of you, that water's so cold!- Yes, well...
1116 01:18:37 Your tummy looks different from my daddy's.
1117 01:18:40 Oh, Nattie! Not everyone hastheir own personal trainer.
1118 01:18:46 - Gotyour swimsuits Wanna go for a dip- That'd be great!
1119 01:18:49 - Good! How aboutyou, Mrs Doubtfire- Oh, you wicked, wicked man!
1120 01:18:53 Isn't there enough flesh herefor you to feastyour eyes on
1121 01:18:57 - Come, Mrs Doubtfire. Don't be bashful.- No, dear. They've outlawed whaling.
1122 01:19:01 - We'd be re-enacting the Titanic.- Come on, Mrs Doubtfire.
1123 01:19:05 Oh, no. Just go. Leave me here.I'll just sit in the sun and crisp.
1124 01:19:09 You can't get heatstroketwice in the same year.
1125 01:19:12 OK. Well, let's go, kids. Swim time.
1126 01:19:15 - Go, dear. I'll be fine.- Your day's on me, Mrs Doubtfire.
1127 01:19:18 - Antyhing you need, put it on my tab.- Thank you, dear.
1128 01:19:21 Touch me again andI'll drown you, you bastard.
1129 01:19:25 I'll just sit here and watch youmove in on my family.
1130 01:19:28 Hello, hello.
1131 01:19:33 Oh, God. What am I doing hereThis is beyond obsession.
1132 01:19:38 Oh, God...
1133 01:19:39 ( Steel band plays "Yellow Bird")
1134 01:19:48 (belches)
1135 01:20:05 - Is everything all right, ma'am- (drunkenly) Fan-bloody-tastic.
1136 01:20:10 - Can I have another- Sure.
1137 01:20:11 Great.
1138 01:20:22 - Hi.- Soda with a lime, please.
1139 01:20:35 - It's on me.- No, thanks.
1140 01:20:47 Four iced teas, Todd.
1141 01:20:50 So, whose rugrats
1142 01:20:55 Miranda Hillard's.
1143 01:20:56 - Miranda Hillard- Mm-hm. The woman I'm seeing.
1144 01:21:00 No kidding YouThe guy who's never having kids
1145 01:21:04 Won't have antyhing to do with kidsYou won't even date a woman with kids.
1146 01:21:08 People change, Ron.
1147 01:21:10 I'm pushing 40. I don't want tospend the rest of my life by myself.
1148 01:21:14 She's got an awful lot of baggage. Three kids.
1149 01:21:17 Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about them.Especially little Natalie. Look at her.
1150 01:21:22 She's a sweetie pie.
1151 01:21:25 God knows they need a stable father figurein their life right now.
1152 01:21:29 - What about their real father- What can I say The guy's a loser. I'll see ya.
1153 01:21:36 (to himself) Loser Oh, yeah
1154 01:21:43 Oh, sir!
1155 01:21:45 I saw it! Some angry memberof the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them
1156 01:21:50 Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way.It was a run-by fruiting.
1157 01:21:54 I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.
1158 01:21:57 (angry grunt)
1159 01:22:00 Oh... Oh...
1160 01:22:04 Good waste of juice.
1161 01:22:06 (as Daniel) Loser.
1162 01:22:10 (as Daniel) What are you lookin' at
1163 01:22:30 (whistles tentatively)
1164 01:22:44 (as Mr Rogers) Hi, boys and girls.
1165 01:22:46 Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs.
1166 01:22:49 (as announcer) It's... A Dinosaurus Line!
1167 01:22:53 ( Hums brassy intro)
1168 01:22:56 And please welcome... the king!
1169 01:22:59 ( Hums show tune)
1170 01:23:03 It's a dinner show. Hi! Where you fromI'm gonna make you lunch.
1171 01:23:07 - (as Elvis) Thank you very much.- Thank you! All right!
1172 01:23:09 Ladies and gentlemen,put your claws together!
1173 01:23:12 Please welcome... James Browntosaurus!
1174 01:23:17 ( Hums intro to "I Feel Good")
1175 01:23:19 I eat wood, di-na di-na di-na din
1176 01:23:21 It tastes good, di-na di-na di-na din
1177 01:23:24 No meat, big feet
1178 01:23:26 I eat wood - pum pum pum pum! Ow!
1179 01:23:29 Oh, I got to help myself!Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!
1180 01:23:33 Oh, thank you, James. But right now - yo!It's time for the Raptor Rap!
1181 01:23:39 I'm a raptor, doin' what I can
1182 01:23:42 Gonna eat everythingtill the appearance of man
1183 01:23:45 Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' belowthe soil
1184 01:23:49 I'll be back but I'm comin' as oil
1185 01:23:55 Very impressive, Mr Hillard!
1186 01:23:58 - I didn't know anybody was watching.- I was watching. That's funny stuff.
1187 01:24:02 - Well, thanks.- I think kids'd like it.
1188 01:24:06 - They'd be entertained and get information.- That's kinda my theory.
1189 01:24:10 You don't have to play down to 'em,just play to 'em.
1190 01:24:13 - Listen, I'd like to hear more of your ideas.- My ideas
1191 01:24:17 - How about a dinner meeting- Wow. OK.
1192 01:24:20 Next Friday. Bridges Restaurant.Seven o'clock sharp.
1193 01:24:25 I'll be there.
1194 01:24:32 Take five.
1195 01:24:34 Take five million. You're dead.
1196 01:24:41 (Daniel) We've just had our firsthome-cooked meal. I'm domestic now, huh
1197 01:24:46 - (Chris) This is terrific, Dad.- You want more spaghetti
1198 01:24:50 - No, I'm stuffed.- Garlic bread I made it myself.
1199 01:24:52 Well, I didn't make it myself.I cooked it. I sliced it.
1200 01:24:56 It's OK, Dad. Thanks.
1201 01:24:58 The place looks great. The food's terrific.
1202 01:25:02 I'm really proud of you.
1203 01:25:05 Yeah. Me, too.
1204 01:25:07 Me, too.
1205 01:25:10 (knocking on door)
1206 01:25:12 I'll be right back.
1207 01:25:20 - Thank you for knocking.- Yeah.
1208 01:25:23 Whoa! Look at this!
1209 01:25:27 I see you got someone to clean for you.
1210 01:25:29 - No.- You
1211 01:25:33 - Hi, guys.- Hi, Mom.
1212 01:25:36 - Are they ready- No. They haven't had dessertyet.
1213 01:25:39 - You cooked- Yes. I cook, I bake, I sew.
1214 01:25:43 Thanks to this Amishhome study course I'm doing.
1215 01:25:46 - I'm very impressed.- Really
1216 01:25:49 Give me a second chance. OKLet me take the kids after school.
1217 01:25:53 - I can't get rid of Mrs Doubtfire. She's terrific.- Why not
1218 01:25:57 She's the best thing that ever happened to us.
1219 01:26:00 The kids are all doing better in school.Chris is passing every single subject.
1220 01:26:05 I find myself getting home earlyjust to be with them. We're all doing so great.
1221 01:26:11 Whooh! Sounds like an amazing woman.Too good to be true.
1222 01:26:15 She is.
1223 01:26:25 - I kinda like the black one.- Me, too.
1224 01:26:28 I don't know. Actually... Mrs Doubtfire!
1225 01:26:30 - Yes- We need another woman's opinion.
1226 01:26:33 Oh! Then I'm your woman.
1227 01:26:35 - Which one- What's the occasion
1228 01:26:38 - It's my birthday.- Oh!
1229 01:26:40 - Stu's taking me out to dinner.- Oh...
1230 01:26:45 - Neither.- Neither
1231 01:26:47 They're both too brazen, dear.They cry "harlot".
1232 01:26:50 Red is the traditional colour for streetwalkers.
1233 01:26:53 And the black one is far too short.I hope you waxed.
1234 01:26:57 They both say to me "I'm easy."
1235 01:26:59 You want to be Kilimanjaroon your first date - inaccessible.
1236 01:27:03 Why buy the cowwhen you can get the milk for free
1237 01:27:06 No, let's find something more your own age.
1238 01:27:10 Something a little less tawdry.
1239 01:27:13 Let's see.
1240 01:27:15 How about this lovely frockTasteful, elegant...
1241 01:27:18 Don't you think
1242 01:27:21 And old. I wore thatto my aunt's funeral in 1976.
1243 01:27:24 A classic never dies, dear.I think it's time to revive it.
1244 01:27:28 I think we should askthe kids.What do you think
1245 01:27:31 - I'd go with the short, black one.- Yeah. It's the most fun.
1246 01:27:36 There. You see I agree.
1247 01:27:38 Fine. You ask my opinion, then don't take it.
1248 01:27:42 - I will not be held responsible for your virtue.- You'll be there to protect me.
1249 01:27:47 - Stu has invited you and the kids to join us.- Oh, how lovely! One big, happy family.
1250 01:27:52 I wouldn't miss that for the world!Should be smashing good fun!
1251 01:27:56 - I'm so glad.- When is this enchanted evening
1252 01:28:00 Friday night, seven o'clock.
1253 01:28:03 - This Friday at seven- Yes. At my favourite restaurant. Bridges.
1254 01:28:08 - Bridges- Yes.
1255 01:28:10 - Friday at seven.- Bridges.
1256 01:28:12 Sorry.
1257 01:28:15 - Bridges- Yes! Bridges.
1258 01:28:17 - The restaurant Bridges- Friday at seven.
1259 01:28:22 - I can't. Please, don't. It's bingo night, dear.- Cancel it.
1260 01:28:26 I can't, dear. It's my turnto pull the balls at the rectory.
1261 01:28:29 - Please join us.- Don't ask me that, dear.
1262 01:28:32 I can't have my birthday withoutyou.
1263 01:28:34 It's so important to us thatyou be there.You're part of the family now.
1264 01:28:38 I can't have a birthday withoutyou. It wouldmean so much to me and the children.
1265 01:28:43 Please promise you'll come with us,Mrs Doubtfire. You just have to.
1266 01:28:49 Who could resist that little face
1267 01:28:53 - I promise.- Thank you!
1268 01:28:57 - Thank you.- Thank you, dear.
1269 01:28:59 - Oh! Are you all right- I'm fine.
1270 01:29:02 (woman) Let's see... Nothing.
1271 01:29:04 - (Daniel) Antyhing in May- Not a thing.
1272 01:29:06 It doesn't look good.
1273 01:29:09 I'm sorry. Mr Lundy is completely bookedfor the next two months.
1274 01:29:13 - I'll meet him any time, anywhere.- Sorry. There's nothing I can do.
1275 01:29:17 Please. I can't cancel.It's a huge opportunity.
1276 01:29:20 Take my advice: Don't cancel.
1277 01:29:27 Thank you.
1278 01:29:43 - (Mrs Doubtfiire) Come along, Nattie.- Hello, darling!
1279 01:29:47 - Shouldn'tyou cover your shoulders- No! I'm fine.
1280 01:29:50 - Good evening, Mr Lundy.- Good evening.
1281 01:29:52 (to himself) Oh, God. Here we go.
1282 01:29:56 - Mrs Doubtfire, you look wonderful.- Thank you.
1283 01:29:59 Come on. I hope you're all hungry.
1284 01:30:06 - Good evening, Mr Lundy.- I'm meeting someone. Is he here
1285 01:30:10 No, I'm sorry. He hasn't arrived yet.
1286 01:30:12 But we can seat you.Smoking or nonsmoking
1287 01:30:15 - Nonsmoking, please.- Nonsmoking...
1288 01:30:18 - Tanya will seatyou. Table 15.- This way, please.
1289 01:30:23 - Reservation. Dunmeyer.- Yes, sir.
1290 01:30:27 - Smoking or nonsmoking- Nonsmoking.
1291 01:30:29 - Smoking!- Mrs Doubtfire, you don't smoke.
1292 01:30:32 No, I don't. But I did.
1293 01:30:35 I found the best way to keep from smokingagain is to be around those who do smoke.
1294 01:30:40 I have to randomly ingest just a little bitof nicotine and it steels my wool.
1295 01:30:44 And I know you're Mr Health. Bless youfor putting yourself in harm's way.
1296 01:30:49 - Smoking.- All right. Table 39.
1297 01:30:52 - Follow me, please.- 39! My age! You're a saint.
1298 01:30:56 Thank you very muchfor humouring an old lady.
1299 01:31:09 - (Daniel to himself) He's pissed already.- Mrs Doubtfire
1300 01:31:13 - Would you... like to join us- Ooh. I thought I saw Clint Eastwood.
1301 01:31:18 That would make my day!He is such a stud-muffin.
1302 01:31:21 Will you excuse me, dearI have to check my wrap.
1303 01:31:25 - Oh, I can do it for you.- Oh, no, please. I'm quite capable of...
1304 01:31:28 All right, dear. There you go.
1305 01:31:32 - Oh, and your bag too, ma'am.- Drop it!
1306 01:31:35 Oh, I'm very sorry, dear. It's my medicine.
1307 01:31:38 - I have to go take my medicine now.- We have water at the table.
1308 01:31:41 I can't take it orally, dear. I'll be right back.
1309 01:31:45 - (Stu) Would you like something to drink- Oh, yes. A good stiff Chardonnay.
1310 01:31:50 I like 'em light and woody.
1311 01:31:58 (phone rings)
1312 01:32:01 - Hello. Bridges Restaurant. May I help you- Yes. My name is Danielillard.
1313 01:32:06 Mr Lundy is expecting me for dinner. Will youtell him I'm running late, but I'm on my way
1314 01:32:11 - I'll deliver the message personally, sir.- Thank you.
1315 01:32:21 (Miranda gasps) Oh!
1316 01:32:23 Oh, Stu!
1317 01:32:26 - Wow!- It's beautiful.
1318 01:32:28 It's gorgeous! Thank you!
1319 01:32:31 Oooh! Did I miss antyhing
1320 01:32:34 Well, yes. Look. This is the giftthat Stu gave me for my birthday.
1321 01:32:38 Ohhhh!
1322 01:32:40 - Isn't it gorgeous!- Is it real
1323 01:32:42 It is very real, Mrs Doubtfire.
1324 01:32:44 You can either wear that or feed a smallcountry. That's so nice. So decadent.
1325 01:32:50 Mommy, I need to go.
1326 01:32:53 - Mrs Doubtfire, would you take her- No. You.
1327 01:32:57 - She wants you, dear.- Well... I'll be right back.
1328 01:33:00 OK.
1329 01:33:06 Yes, well...
1330 01:33:08 Children, look at that lovelydessert tray over there.
1331 01:33:12 Why don'tyou go over and pickwhat you'd like now so they could reserve it
1332 01:33:17 - We'll be back.- All right.
1333 01:33:21 That's a pretty impressive bauble you got her.
1334 01:33:24 Oh, thank you. Thank you.
1335 01:33:26 A fella gives a gift like that,he wants more than a piece of her heart, eh
1336 01:33:31 Bit of a going-down payment, huh
1337 01:33:34 - Excuse me- You know, dear. Sinkthe sub.
1338 01:33:37 Hide the weasel Parkthe porpoise
1339 01:33:40 Bit of the old humpty dumpty
1340 01:33:54 Oh, dear. I'm sorry.Am I being a little graphic Sorry.
1341 01:33:58 - I hope you're up for a little competition.- I beg your pardon
1342 01:34:01 She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear.It's her personal jackhammer.
1343 01:34:07 She uses it and the lights dim.It's like a prison movie.
1344 01:34:10 Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth. Ooh!
1345 01:34:15 I hope you bring cocktail sauce.
1346 01:34:18 She's got crabs.And I don't mean Dungeness.
1347 01:34:22 I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I
1348 01:34:25 Forgive me. Oh!
1349 01:34:33 It's the wine. Oh, gosh!
1350 01:34:36 Be back in a flash. All right My tiny bladder.
1351 01:34:43 - Mrs Doubtfire!- What!
1352 01:34:45 - You're going into the men's room.- No! Oh, so it is!
1353 01:34:49 I do need new glasses, dear. Sorry!
1354 01:34:56 Hello!
1355 01:35:27 Aagh!
1356 01:35:28 Jesus! God!
1357 01:35:42 - Excuse me. May I have a menu- Of course.
1358 01:35:47 - What's France like- (Stu) Very beautiful.
1359 01:35:53 Thank you very much.
1360 01:35:57 - Mr Lundy.- Oh, hi.
1361 01:35:59 - Sorry I'm late. Did you get my message- Yes. Sit down.
1362 01:36:02 - How about a drink- Sure. I'll have what he's having.
1363 01:36:06 Double Chivas on the rocks.
1364 01:36:08 Bring him two doubles so he can catch up.
1365 01:36:11 - A Scotch drinker, huh That's my kinda guy!- Gentlemen, startyour engines.
1366 01:36:21 - OK, everybody. Are we ready to order- Yes, I believe we are. Children, fire away.
1367 01:36:26 Shouldn't we wait for Mrs Doubtfire
1368 01:36:30 Yes.
1369 01:36:33 OK.
1370 01:36:38 - Ah!- Ah!
1371 01:36:40 - Ahaha!- Ahaha!
1372 01:36:42 - (waiter) How are we doin'- No, no.
1373 01:36:44 Oh, yes. Come on.
1374 01:36:49 All right.
1375 01:36:52 Now...
1376 01:36:55 What can you doto help the ratings on the kid show
1377 01:36:58 Bottom line: Don't patronise kids.They're little people.
1378 01:37:02 You gotta personalise it. Make it fun.If it's something you'd enjoy, they'd enjoy it.
1379 01:37:07 - That's what I'm interested in.- Bingo!
1380 01:37:10 Well, I wonder what's happenedto Mrs Doubtfire.
1381 01:37:13 - We could cross over to the news.- Would you excuse me for a moment
1382 01:37:17 But...
1383 01:37:49 - May I help you, ma'am- Yes, dear. Thank you very much.
1384 01:37:54 Oh! Oh, my goodness!
1385 01:37:56 I'm so sorry! It's my fault.
1386 01:38:01 - Forgive me. Excuse me.- I'm all right. There we go.
1387 01:38:05 Thank you. Oh, let's see here!
1388 01:38:07 - May I take your order, ma'am- Oh, yes.
1389 01:38:09 Wooh! (giggles drunkenly)
1390 01:38:12 Let's see. I'll have the...
1391 01:38:14 ...poached salmon.
1392 01:38:16 - And you, sir- I'll have the jambalaya.
1393 01:38:19 - Make mine not spicy. I'm allergic to pepper.- Certainly, sir.
1394 01:38:23 Thank you. Cheers. Your health.
1395 01:38:34 Oop.
1396 01:38:37 Oh, my God.
1397 01:38:39 (lisps) So sorry about that.Just one moment.
1398 01:38:43 Carpe dentum - seize the teeth.
1399 01:38:45 Let me assistyou.
1400 01:38:47 A spoon. Oh, how clever. Wait. I've got it.
1401 01:38:51 Wait. There, there. Make a pincer.
1402 01:38:53 Come at it from both sides.Together - up, up, up.
1403 01:38:56 Oh... Oh! Thank you. There it is.
1404 01:39:01 Just shake them off, like a dog.
1405 01:39:04 Sorry. Oh, forgive me.
1406 01:39:06 - That's all right.- Sorry about my spray.
1407 01:39:10 I'll be right back. I just have tore-attach them with a little adhesive.
1408 01:39:14 - Tell him to puree the salmon, if you will.- Puree the salmon.
1409 01:39:18 Thank you. Sorry about that.
1410 01:39:27 Oh, that one.
1411 01:39:34 Oh. I didn't knowthere wassomeone else in here. Sorry.
1412 01:39:43 (ripping)
1413 01:39:44 Damn it! Oh, there it is. Urgh!
1414 01:39:49 Excuse me.
1415 01:40:13 (drunkenly) Where the hell have you beenI ordered you another Scotch.
1416 01:40:17 - Bully!- (laughs)
1417 01:40:24 - Daniel- Hm
1418 01:40:27 Are you wearing ladies' perfume
1419 01:40:32 Yes, I am.
1420 01:40:36 Are you wearing lipstick
1421 01:40:41 Yeah.
1422 01:40:43 Why
1423 01:40:46 - It rubbed off.- From whom
1424 01:40:51 A girl I used to date. She's a waitress.
1425 01:40:54 - A waitress Here- Oh, yeah.
1426 01:40:57 On the way to the bathroom...Couldn't keep her hands off me.
1427 01:41:01 (both snigger)
1428 01:41:03 - You dog!- You scallywag!
1429 01:41:08 Hey, hey.
1430 01:41:11 I got the stretch outside.Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend
1431 01:41:14 - Hey, it's the '90s.- No, no! I mean...
1432 01:41:18 Does she have a lady friend for me
1433 01:41:21 - Go ahead. Ask her.- I'll go ask her.
1434 01:41:23 Go on. Come on, go get 'em!
1435 01:41:34 Hey, Dan! Dan!
1436 01:41:36 I need my order for table 39!
1437 01:41:38 - Relax. I'll be out in a minute.- Thank you! Great.
1438 01:41:45 (chuckles)
1439 01:41:47 39. (chuckles)
1440 01:42:01 Table 39!
1441 01:42:20 Hot jambalaya!
1442 01:42:33 - Can I help you, ma'am- Sorry I'm late.
1443 01:42:36 But after all those ScotchesI had to piss like a racehorse.
1444 01:42:42 - Daniel- Yeah.
1445 01:42:46 Why in God's nameare you dressed like a woman!
1446 01:42:54 Oh, damn.
1447 01:43:03 Well...
1448 01:43:07 I'd like you to meetthe host of your new show.
1449 01:43:11 Host
1450 01:43:13 Euphegenia Doubtfire, dear. I specialise inthe education and entertainment of children.
1451 01:43:22 (as Daniel) Surprise!
1452 01:43:27 (Stu) Oh, thank you very much.
1453 01:43:29 - This looks terrific.- Where's Mrs Doubtfire
1454 01:43:32 Well, I hope the dear lady's all right.
1455 01:43:34 - Shall we start- Yes. Let's start. I don't want it to get cold.
1456 01:43:38 Bon appetit.
1457 01:43:41 Tell me. Why would Mrs Doubtfirebe a good host
1458 01:43:44 (rapping) I'm a hip old granny who couldhip-hop, bebop, dance till ya drop...
1459 01:43:49 ...and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa.
1460 01:44:03 (gags and coughs)
1461 01:44:07 Stu Stu...
1462 01:44:10 Oh, he's choking. He's choking!
1463 01:44:14 Help us! Somebody help!He's choking! Help us!
1464 01:44:17 (Miranda) Oh, God! Oh, God!
1465 01:44:19 - He's choking here! Call 911!- Oh, no. I killed the bastard.
1466 01:44:23 - Mrs Doubtfire! Help us! He's choking!- Help is on the way, dear!
1467 01:44:27 - Mrs Doubtfire!- Help is on the way!
1468 01:44:30 - Mrs Doubtfire, he's choking!- Hold on, dear.
1469 01:44:37 One more time, dear. Work with me!
1470 01:44:40 (as Daniel) Come on! Come on!
1471 01:44:45 (Daniel grunts)
1472 01:44:48 Come on! (grunts)
1473 01:44:51 Aaarghhh!
1474 01:44:57 (coughs)
1475 01:45:00 (gasps) I'm all right.
1476 01:45:03 - (as Daniel) Are you all right- Yes.
1477 01:45:05 Almost lostya.
1478 01:45:12 Oh, Dad.
1479 01:45:14 Oh, my...
1480 01:45:18 Daddy
1481 01:45:25 Yeah, honey. It's me.
1482 01:45:27 (gasps)
1483 01:45:30 - Happy birthday.- (yelps)
1484 01:45:34 Daniel...
1485 01:45:35 Daniel! Oh, my God!
1486 01:45:38 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1487 01:45:41 The whole time... The whole time...
1488 01:45:43 - The whole time!- I'm sorry, Miranda. Please
1489 01:45:46 Don't talkto me! Don't touch me!Don't touch me!
1490 01:45:49 I have to go. We have to leave now.I have to leave!
1491 01:45:53 We have to leave now!I have to go! We're going.
1492 01:45:59 - You guys go.- I'm sorry, Dad.
1493 01:46:01 (sighs) Bye.
1494 01:46:05 Sorry about the pepper. I was...
1495 01:46:10 (Stu clears his throat)
1496 01:46:19 What are you lookin' at Show's over.
1497 01:46:27 (judge) Miss Robeson,do you have any closing remarks
1498 01:46:31 Nothing further, Your Honour.
1499 01:46:34 Mr Hillard, since you've determinedto act as your own attorney...
1500 01:46:39 ...you are entitled to makea closing statement at this time.
1501 01:46:52 Your Honour, in the past two months,I've secured a residence, refurbished it...
1502 01:46:58 ...and made it "an environmentfit for children". Those are your words.
1503 01:47:02 I'm also holding down a job as a shippingclerk. So I believe I metyour requirements.
1504 01:47:07 Ahead of schedule.
1505 01:47:11 In regards to my behaviour...
1506 01:47:13 ...I can only plead insanity.
1507 01:47:15 Because, ever since my children were born...
1508 01:47:18 ...the moment I looked at them,I was crazy about them.
1509 01:47:21 Once I held them, I was hooked.
1510 01:47:25 I'm addicted to my children, sir.
1511 01:47:28 I love them with all my heart.
1512 01:47:30 And the idea of someone telling me I can'tbe with them, I can't see them every day...
1513 01:47:36 It's like someone saying I can't have air.
1514 01:47:38 I can't live without air,and I can't live without them.
1515 01:47:42 Listen, I would do antyhing. I just wantto be with them. I know I need that, sir.
1516 01:47:49 We have a history.
1517 01:47:52 And I just... They mean everything to me.And they need me as much as I need them.
1518 01:47:59 So, please...
1519 01:48:01 ...don't take my kids away from me.
1520 01:48:05 (sighs)
1521 01:48:09 Thank you.
1522 01:48:21 Mr Hillard...
1523 01:48:23 You've been able to fool a lot of people intobelieving thatyou're a 60-year-old woman.
1524 01:48:29 No easy task.
1525 01:48:31 And your little speech seemed to be...very heartfelt and genuine.
1526 01:48:40 But I believe it to be a terrific performanceby a very gifted actor. Nothing more.
1527 01:48:46 - No. It's not that.- The reality, Mr Hillard...
1528 01:48:50 ...is thatyour lifestyle over the past monthhas been very unorthodox.
1529 01:48:56 And I refuse to further subjectthree innocent children...
1530 01:49:00 ...to your peculiarand potentially harmful behaviour.
1531 01:49:04 It is this court's decisionto award full custody to Mrs Hillard.
1532 01:49:08 Oh, God, no.
1533 01:49:09 You will have supervisedvisitation rights every Saturday.
1534 01:49:13 Supervised, sir
1535 01:49:14 A court liaison will accompany youwhen you spend time with the children.
1536 01:49:19 I am suggesting a period of psychologicaltesting and perhaps treatment for you.
1537 01:49:25 We will re-examine this caseone year from now.
1538 01:49:29 Thank you. Court is adjourned. (bangs gavel)
1539 01:49:46 I don't do laundry.I don't do windows. I don't do carpets.
1540 01:49:49 I don't do bathtubs. I don't do toilets.And I don't do diapers.
1541 01:49:53 My children have been potty-trainedfor some time.
1542 01:49:56 Well, I don't do washing.I don't do basements.
1543 01:49:59 I don't do dinners. I don't do reading.
1544 01:50:03 Ah.
1545 01:50:06 Yes. Well, we have your number.Thank you so much for coming.
1546 01:50:10 - We'll be getting backto you.- Thank you.
1547 01:50:12 I'll show you to the door.
1548 01:50:17 Yes, here we are. Please...
1549 01:50:26 Laura, that shipmenthas been delayed three times.
1550 01:50:29 Yes, but...
1551 01:50:31 Laura, I'm not gonna waitanother six months for it.
1552 01:50:34 You do that. Call me back.
1553 01:50:39 Oh, guys, please don't be so depressed.
1554 01:50:42 Everything's gonna be all right.
1555 01:50:44 - I miss her spaghetti.- I miss her jokes.
1556 01:50:48 I miss her stories.
1557 01:50:51 Don't worry. We will find someone.There are plenty of people out there.
1558 01:50:55 Nobody like her.
1559 01:50:59 All right. I admit things were a lot nicerwhen she was around.
1560 01:51:03 The house was so warm and cosy, the bedswere always made, and the dinner was...
1561 01:51:09 She isn't real! We have to stop referring to heras if she were a real person.
1562 01:51:14 (Mrs Doubtfiire's voice)ello, my dears!
1563 01:51:18 We have a wonderful show today.
1564 01:51:20 We have Mr Van Zandt from the Sierra Club...
1565 01:51:24 ...and he's going to bring some animalsthat are endangered species.
1566 01:51:28 - Do you know what that means, poppets- Did you say "puppet"
1567 01:51:32 Oh, no, dear! It's Kovacs! Welcome, Kovacs!
1568 01:51:36 I, guys. Did you say "extinction"Does something stink
1569 01:51:39 It's not something smelling bad. Extinctionmeans there's no more of a particular animal.
1570 01:51:45 - Oh, my God.- Doesn't that make you a little mad
1571 01:51:48 - Very mad!- Tell people about it.
1572 01:51:50 I'm mad! You know why Because next,it's the chimps! There are fewer chimps...
1573 01:51:55 Doesn't it make you mad thathumans play your parts in movies
1574 01:51:59 Ooh! "Planet of the Apes": Who gets the roleRoddy McDowall! I'd be better than that!
1575 01:52:05 - I'd be better than Charltoneston!- And your rug is better, too.
1576 01:52:09 You couldfly to Persia on that rug.
1577 01:52:25 - Shall we tell them where we'll be tomorrow- Yeah. They wanna know.
1578 01:52:29 Tomorrow, poppets,we're taking a wonderful trip.
1579 01:52:32 But you don't have to packbecause we're going in our mind.
1580 01:52:36 We're going across the Atlantic Ocean...
1581 01:52:39 ...to England, where I came from.
1582 01:52:41 - You came from England- It's a wonderful country.
1583 01:52:44 - Do you know about England- It's an island.
1584 01:52:47 It's an island, dear. A glorious one.
1585 01:52:49 - They have a queen and a royal family.- Oh! Just like a poker game!
1586 01:52:54 - It's a full house.- Some cards don't live at home any more.
1587 01:52:57 Thanks to mobile phones.
1588 01:53:00 Do you know what languagethey speak in England
1589 01:53:03 - Pakistani- That's right. In many stores they do.
1590 01:53:07 But we'll get into that tomorrow,boys and girls.
1591 01:53:10 - You owe me a kiss, Kovacs.- I'm gonna give you two.
1592 01:53:12 - All right, dear.- Here's one on the cheek...
1593 01:53:15 ...and here's a monkey bite!- Aaarghhh! Oh, you wicked, wicked monkey!
1594 01:53:21 Well, that's all for today. Bye-bye.
1595 01:53:24 (director) Cut!
1596 01:53:27 That's a wrap, folks! Thank you very much.
1597 01:53:34 We're a smash! Number one in our time slot!
1598 01:53:38 Yes! Calls from Detroit, Cleveland,Chicago, Los Angeles...
1599 01:53:42 - All with offers to syndicate.- Hollywood!
1600 01:53:46 - Daniel- (whoop of joy)
1601 01:53:47 - Daniel- Yes
1602 01:53:49 - Miranda.- Could I talkto you
1603 01:53:55 Yeah.
1604 01:53:57 I'll be right out. Just wait here.
1605 01:54:22 Welcome to Euphegenia's house.
1606 01:54:24 A little draughty but... you know. It's nice.
1607 01:54:31 What can I do for you
1608 01:54:34 First of all, congratulations on the show.
1609 01:54:37 Thanks. You got to see the dress rehearsal.
1610 01:54:41 We've... The kids...
1611 01:54:45 We've been watching every day.
1612 01:54:49 It's nice to knowthey can see me every day.
1613 01:54:55 Look, Daniel. I know it's gonna takea long time to get over all the fights and...
1614 01:54:59 ...all the horrible things we said to each other.
1615 01:55:03 It's... It's so hard.
1616 01:55:07 But I know somehow you and I will beall right and we'll get through this.
1617 01:55:14 But the kids...
1618 01:55:19 I don't wanna hurt our children.
1619 01:55:24 So what do you want me to do
1620 01:55:26 You want me to pretend everything'sall right Put on a happy face Smile
1621 01:55:32 Jesus, Miranda.You took my children away from me.
1622 01:55:36 I can only see them now with supervision.
1623 01:55:38 Some woman watches me with the kidslike I'm some sort of deviant.
1624 01:55:42 If I try to hug 'em, she wonders why.You know what that's like
1625 01:55:46 You just sat there in that courtroom andlet that judge pass that despicable sentence.
1626 01:55:51 - I was angry.- Oh, God.
1627 01:55:54 - You hurt me, too!- You ripped my heart out!
1628 01:55:56 You lied... Uh, you know whatI don't wanna do this any more.
1629 01:56:00 I don't wanna do any more"who did what to whom".
1630 01:56:03 (Miranda sighs)
1631 01:56:06 Ever since this happened,I've been trying to make sense out of it.
1632 01:56:10 And the only thing I know in my heartis that the children were happier...
1633 01:56:14 ...when Mrs Doubtfire was a part of their lives.
1634 01:56:17 Yeah
1635 01:56:20 She... She brought out the best in them.
1636 01:56:24 - She brought out the best in you.- And you.
1637 01:56:28 Yeah.
1638 01:56:33 They miss her terribly.
1639 01:56:38 - What are you saying- Daniel, the kids need you.
1640 01:56:50 I need them.
1641 01:56:59 Well, tomorrow we'll have Frank,who is a make-up artist.
1642 01:57:03 - (knocking)- Oh! A big knock at the door.
1643 01:57:06 Who could that beAnd do we have enough time
1644 01:57:10 Mr Sprinkles, boys and girls!
1645 01:57:13 Ello! What do you have for me today
1646 01:57:15 - Mrs Doubtflier, I've got a letter from Katie...- (doorbell)
1647 01:57:21 It's the new baby-sitter.
1648 01:57:24 Come on, guys! Get up! Let's go!
1649 01:57:29 Come on.
1650 01:57:32 It's gonna be all right.
1651 01:57:34 Chris, wait right over there. Everybody.
1652 01:57:48 Daddy!
1653 01:57:52 Hi.
1654 01:57:55 - What's goin' on- I'm here to pick you up.
1655 01:57:59 Your dad's gonna take youfor a few hours every day after school.
1656 01:58:04 Really
1657 01:58:06 What about the courts That legal stuff.
1658 01:58:09 - Ask your mom.- I took care of it.
1659 01:58:13 No more supervised visits.No more court liaison.
1660 01:58:16 - Just us- Just us.
1661 01:58:31 Go get Mr Bear.
1662 01:58:33 - Go getyour stuff. Hurry up.- All right.
1663 01:58:41 - Would you like to come in- I'll wait outside.
1664 01:58:44 OK.
1665 01:58:49 Thank you.
1666 01:58:56 See ya.
1667 01:59:03 (Mrs Doubtfiire) "Dear Mrs Doubtfiire."
1668 01:59:05 "Two months agomy mom and dad decided to separate."
1669 01:59:08 "Now they live in different houses."
1670 01:59:11 "My brother Andrew says that we aren'ta realfamily any more. Is this true"
1671 01:59:16 "Did I lose my family"
1672 01:59:18 "Is there anything I could doto get my parents back together"
1673 01:59:23 "Sincerely, Katie McCormick."
1674 01:59:28 Oh, my dear Katie.
1675 01:59:31 You know, some parents get alongmuch better when they don't live together.
1676 01:59:37 They don't fiight all the timeand they can become better people.
1677 01:59:40 Much better mommies and daddies for you.
1678 01:59:44 And sometimes they get back together.
1679 01:59:48 And sometimes they don't, dear.
1680 01:59:51 And if they don't...
1681 01:59:53 ...don't blame yourself.
1682 01:59:55 Just because they don't love each otherdoesn't mean that they don't love you.
1683 02:00:02 There are all sorts of different families, Katie.
1684 02:00:05 Some families have one mommy,some families have one daddy...
1685 02:00:10 ...or two families.
1686 02:00:12 Some children live with their uncle or aunt.
1687 02:00:14 Some live with their grandparents,and some children live with foster parents.
1688 02:00:20 Some live in separate homesand neighbourhoods...
1689 02:00:23 ...in different areas of the country.
1690 02:00:25 They may not see each other for days,weeks, months or even years at a time.
1691 02:00:32 But if there's love, dear...
1692 02:00:36 ...those are the ties that bind.
1693 02:00:39 And you'll have a family in your heart for ever.
1694 02:00:45 All my love to you, poppet.
1695 02:00:47 You're going to be all right.
1696 02:00:52 Bye-bye.
1697 02:05:04 全剧完字幕调校：ccjjy2k