谋杀疑案 Murder Mystery(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:13 Terrific!
2 00:00:34 [man] So I put my finger here,and check this...
3 00:00:37 the watch tells me I have a heart problem.
4 00:00:40 Wouldn't a mirror tell you the same thing?
5 00:00:42 Yeah, but this has weather, too.
6 00:00:44 Okay.
7 00:00:45 We got an hour untilwe're meeting the ladies for dinner.
8 00:00:47 -Yeah.-You wanna catch a beer?
9 00:00:49 I can't. I gotta run a few errands.
10 00:00:51 What? You don't want a beer? What's wrong?
11 00:00:53 [sighs] I...
12 00:00:54 got the results backfrom the detective exam.
13 00:00:57 You failed again?This is why I never took that test.
14 00:01:00 All the anxiety and disappointment.
15 00:01:03 At some point, you have to realizeyou have hit your ceiling
16 00:01:05 and just give up.
17 00:01:07 You know, you should go aroundand speak at schools.
18 00:01:09 -That was very inspiring.-I should. Kids need to hear this shit.
19 00:01:12 I don't get it, man.
20 00:01:13 I know all the answers,I just freeze under pressure.
21 00:01:16 You know, I can't take the examfor, like, three more months,
22 00:01:18 so I gotta continue lying to Audrey.
23 00:01:20 So when we're at dinner tonight, please,
24 00:01:22 -tell your wi---Ah! No.
25 00:01:23 Come on, man.You know I'll lie for you anytime.
26 00:01:26 I will cover up dead bodies for you.
27 00:01:28 But if I ask Holly to lie to your wife,there's no way we're messing around.
28 00:01:32 It's Freaky Friday!
29 00:01:33 You don't have to lie,just tell her to ignore when I'm lying.
30 00:01:36 That's it.
31 00:01:38 -Okay, fine.-Thank you.
32 00:01:39 -You owe me.-[phone buzzing]
33 00:01:41 See you tonight.
34 00:01:45 I gotta get Claritin. Claritin.
35 00:01:47 [gasps] Oh, my God! Look!
36 00:01:49 [woman 1] He took her in a helicopter?
37 00:01:51 My husband won't even pay for Uber Black.
38 00:01:53 [chuckles] Yeah. I don't even--I can't even remember the last time
39 00:01:57 that Nick did anythingeven remotely romantic.
40 00:02:01 I mean, he used to leave me,like, cute little mixtapes,
41 00:02:04 little love notes in the bathroom.
42 00:02:06 Love notes are dead.
43 00:02:08 When my husband wants to have sex,
44 00:02:09 he just texts me the eggplantand doughnut emoji.
45 00:02:11 Eggplant and doughnut--
46 00:02:14 Oh. He's the eggplant.
47 00:02:15 More like a fingerling potato.
48 00:02:17 [woman 2] It doesn't take that much.
49 00:02:19 There are guys at the intersectionselling flowers.
50 00:02:21 You just roll down the window,grab a bunch, bring 'em home.
51 00:02:24 -I mean, they couldn't make it any easier.-[woman 2] No kidding.
52 00:02:27 I mean, tomorrowis our 15th wedding anniversary.
53 00:02:30 I'm still waiting on that trip to Europehe promised me on our wedding day.
54 00:02:33 -[woman 1] That's been 15 years?-Yeah.
55 00:02:35 -I could have walked to Europe by now.-[laughs]
56 00:02:37 You know, you just have to tell him.
57 00:02:39 I just don't want to have to tell him.I just want him to know.
58 00:02:42 -No, they never just know.-I know.
59 00:02:44 -That doesn't happen.-You have to tell men everything.
60 00:02:46 If you want the dishes to not goin the sink, you have to tell them.
61 00:02:49 If you want him to showerbefore he comes to bed,
62 00:02:51 -you have to ask him.-Ugh.
63 00:02:52 That's why they have those signsin bathrooms at restaurants
64 00:02:55 to tell employees to wash their hands.
65 00:02:57 Those aren't for women, guys.Those are for men.
66 00:02:59 Or maybe you could just text him,airplane, wine glass,
67 00:03:02 Italian flag, eggplant,doughnut, doughnut, doughnut.
68 00:03:05 [snorts]
69 00:03:13 [laughs]
70 00:03:24 Let's go with the 50.
71 00:03:31 Claritin...
72 00:03:34 [murmurs]
73 00:03:40 [cashier] Hi, welcome.
74 00:03:41 Thank you.
75 00:03:42 -[woman] Thanks a lot.-[register beeping]
76 00:03:44 Are you gonna tell 'emabout the stuff in your backpack?
77 00:03:47 Mind your own business, man.I'm paying for this.
78 00:03:49 I like your sneakers.They must be expensive.
79 00:03:51 Is that why can't affordthe Monster Energy Drink
80 00:03:54 or the Flamin' Hot Cheetos?
81 00:03:56 -Hang on. Hang on.-Hey, let go of me, man.
82 00:04:01 I can't believe I was right.
83 00:04:03 Keep your mouth shut.I'll mess you up, old man.
84 00:04:05 Old man. Oh, my God.
85 00:04:07 First of all,
86 00:04:08 I should throw you in jailjust for calling me "old man,"
87 00:04:11 but you bring that stuff back,
88 00:04:13 I'll let you go 'cause I'm latefor dinner and I'm hungry as shit.
89 00:04:17 Go ahead.
90 00:04:21 -[man 1] Tylenol PM? Am I right?-[man 2] No.
91 00:04:23 [woman 1] It's not good for that.It depends on what time of year you go.
92 00:04:26 [woman 2] That makes sense.Can I get another?
93 00:04:28 We're gonna have another one?
94 00:04:29 I'm just saying, we're paying today.Maybe you can take it easy a little bit.
95 00:04:33 Hey, hey. Nick. Nick.What-- What's wrong with you?
96 00:04:36 Sorry. Should I not orderanother drink, Detective?
97 00:04:39 No. Holly, order another drink.
98 00:04:40 [chuckles] Order as much as you want.I was joking around.
99 00:04:43 -That's not funny.-The reason--
100 00:04:44 I'm just in a great moodbecause I had a great day today.
101 00:04:47 -Did we have a great day or what?-It was a fabulous day. Incredible day.
102 00:04:50 Really? Did you get another hot case?
103 00:04:52 Of what?
104 00:04:53 -"What."-[laughing]
105 00:04:55 That was good. No, listen.
106 00:04:56 Going great, kid. I promise you.
107 00:04:58 It's like, uh, they're trusting memore and more,
108 00:05:01 and I, um, I wish I could tell youwhat it was,
109 00:05:03 but it's-- it's confidential.
110 00:05:04 -Wait a second.-What?
111 00:05:06 Oh, my God.
112 00:05:07 -What is this?-[Nick] What is that?
113 00:05:09 My baby Jimmy got it for mefor my birthday.
114 00:05:12 -Jimmy!-What?
115 00:05:13 -[Holly] Celebration diamonds.-Oh, my gosh.
116 00:05:16 -It's gorgeous!-Thank you, Audrey.
117 00:05:17 -Very expensive.-[Audrey] Wow, Jimmy.
118 00:05:19 I got you something special.I promise, you're gonna be very happy.
119 00:05:22 -[Holly] Really?-I can't wait.
120 00:05:24 See, I would've pegged you, Nick,as an Amazon gift card kinda guy,
121 00:05:27 but... I'm no detective.
122 00:05:30 [chuckles]
123 00:05:30 Hey! You know what, guys?
124 00:05:32 Let's toast to my friends,Nick and Audrey.
125 00:05:36 Fifteen wonderful years.
126 00:05:38 Absolutely.
127 00:05:39 -[Jimmy] Fifteen.-Here's to true love, guys.
128 00:05:41 Fifteen.
129 00:05:42 -True love.-Yeah.
130 00:05:50 Dinner was insane, but that's expected.
131 00:05:55 But I'll tell you what,
132 00:05:56 I want to record Hollychewing her ice cubes,
133 00:05:58 use it as my alarm in the morning.That's--
134 00:06:01 Guarantee me of wanting towake up and leave.
135 00:06:08 What's the matter?You didn't like that joke?
136 00:06:13 I'm flossing.
137 00:06:14 [muffled] I can see that.
138 00:06:16 You're doing it extra hard tonight.
139 00:06:19 And I'm not sleeping withthe fan on tonight. I hate that sound.
140 00:06:22 No fan necessary.We'll crank the AC, babe.
141 00:06:25 [water stops]
142 00:06:26 [tapping toothbrush]
143 00:06:29 Uh-oh. What, what, what?
144 00:06:30 You're gonna yell at me?I can see this. Hang on.
145 00:06:32 Why don't you do some more angry flossing?
146 00:06:35 How come we haven't gone to Europe, Nick?
147 00:06:38 You have to explain this to me.
148 00:06:40 We never go anywhere.
149 00:06:42 [stammers] We travel.I took you to the Poconos that time.
150 00:06:45 What? The Poco-- That was--
151 00:06:46 That was for a funeral, Nick.
152 00:06:48 How about, uh, when we went to Virginia
153 00:06:50 when my uncle was in a hospiceand we got to see him die?
154 00:06:53 -We did that.-Ugh, Nick. Come on.
155 00:06:54 I'm talking about the postcard.
156 00:06:56 -You don't remember that?-I remember it. Of course I remember it.
157 00:06:59 It's been 15 years, Nick.I don't know what we're waitin' for.
158 00:07:05 [sighs]Now you've gone and done it, Audrey.
159 00:07:08 What? What'd I do?
160 00:07:12 I told you I had something bigfor you at dinner,
161 00:07:14 and you couldn't wait tilltomorrow morning?
162 00:07:17 No.
163 00:07:19 We're finally going to Europe.Happy anniversary.
164 00:07:22 Oh, my God. I have chills.
165 00:07:25 Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
166 00:07:28 Oh, my God! I'm so--
167 00:07:30 -I ruined your surprise!-Shh. You didn't ruin anything.
168 00:07:33 You're the greatest. You deserve it.I love you.
169 00:07:35 -I love you!-It's still a surprise. I swear.
170 00:07:42 -We can afford it, right? This is all---We can afford it, of course.
171 00:07:45 -Okay.-I'm getting my raise this year.
172 00:07:46 -Right.-We're all set. Come on.
173 00:07:48 -[Audrey] Hello. Hi.-Hello.
174 00:07:50 So, uh, we are on our honeymoon,
175 00:07:52 and I was wonderingif we could possibly get an upgrade
176 00:07:54 because I have miles. Maybe--
177 00:07:57 I don't even know if it's fromthis airline, but do they expire, or--
178 00:08:00 Sir, you would have neededto request that in advance.
179 00:08:02 -[Audrey] Yeah.-Right this way, please.
180 00:08:04 -Thank you. I'm so sorry.-We did try advance. I tried calling.
181 00:08:07 -And, um, nobody---Who'd you call?
182 00:08:09 -Crazy busy signals.-Really?
183 00:08:10 -It's the busy signals!-Who did you try to call?
184 00:08:16 I don't want to give it away.It was the butler.
185 00:08:19 -The butler did it.-[sighs]
186 00:08:21 It's never the butler who did it.
187 00:08:23 I don't even think there are butlers.
188 00:08:25 That's just a word createdfor those goofy books you're addicted to.
189 00:08:29 Would you just please, please shh?
190 00:08:31 Leave my books alone, okay?Just let me read.
191 00:08:34 I just like-- Makes me happy.
192 00:08:36 Are you okay? You're cranky.Are you bored?
193 00:08:38 -I'm gonna go to sleep.-Take a nap.
194 00:08:40 -Are you okay with that?-Wait, don't--
195 00:08:42 But just, please, don't--don't lay all the way back.
196 00:08:45 -Don't take it back?-No.
197 00:08:47 Why? You don't wantmy double chin to show?
198 00:08:48 It's not your chins, okay. It's just rude.
199 00:08:51 Yes.
200 00:08:52 -Okay. 'Cause you splay out.-All right.
201 00:08:54 And then your seat is in, like,the lap of the guy behind you.
202 00:08:57 -So just be considerate of everybody.-I'll stay up. Thank you.
203 00:09:01 Timber.
204 00:09:03 [scoffs]
205 00:09:05 [snoring]
206 00:09:11 [whispering] Oh, excuse me.
207 00:09:12 -Hi.-Hello. Hi.
208 00:09:14 Could I please have some earplugs?
209 00:09:16 Yes.
210 00:09:17 For nine dollars.
211 00:09:19 Nine dollars? For earplugs?
212 00:09:21 Yes.
213 00:09:23 That's okay. I'll just--
214 00:09:25 I'll just use my peanuts.
215 00:09:27 [flight attendant chuckles]
216 00:09:28 I'll just--
217 00:09:32 [sighs]
218 00:09:43 [soft jazz playing]
219 00:09:54 Wow.
220 00:09:58 [scoffs]
221 00:10:11 Oh...
222 00:10:13 Mm.
223 00:10:15 [suspenseful music playing]
224 00:10:21 A fellow insomniac, I see.
225 00:10:23 Jesus.
226 00:10:24 Yes. I--
227 00:10:26 Yep. I know, right?
228 00:10:28 I just cannot sleep on these things.
229 00:10:31 So what brings you across the pond?
230 00:10:32 Actually, it's my-- it's my honeymoon.
231 00:10:35 Oh. Congratulations.
232 00:10:37 -Thank you.-Where's your husband?
233 00:10:39 Dead.
234 00:10:41 Asleep. He's dead-- dead asleep.
235 00:10:43 We've actually been married for 15 years,
236 00:10:45 but we just have been very, very,very, very busy.
237 00:10:49 Then a toast to the whirlwindthat is your life.
238 00:10:54 Yes.
239 00:10:55 -Sorry, ma'am.-Oh, yes!
240 00:10:56 The bar is forfirst class passengers only.
241 00:10:58 Of course. Of course it is.I'm so sorry, yes.
242 00:11:00 I will head back to the lower class cabin
243 00:11:04 and sit where I should and, uh...
244 00:11:06 shovel some coal.
245 00:11:08 She's my guest.
246 00:11:09 Unfortunately, sir,she'd need her own first class ticket.
247 00:11:11 Charles Cavendish.
248 00:11:14 I'm so sorry, sir.
249 00:11:19 Whoa!
250 00:11:21 Charles Cavendish?
251 00:11:23 Is that your real name?
252 00:11:24 [chuckles] I'm afraid so.
253 00:11:26 I mean, that sounds likeit just fell right out of a...
254 00:11:28 mystery novel.
255 00:11:30 And which character would I be?
256 00:11:33 Name like that,you'd have to be the bad guy.
257 00:11:37 Well...
258 00:11:39 here's to the bad guys.
259 00:11:43 [snores, gasps]
260 00:11:56 -Okay, so your fiancée...-Hm.
261 00:11:59 ...leaves you...
262 00:12:01 [chuckles] ...for your elderly uncle--
263 00:12:05 Will you two kindly shut up?
264 00:12:07 Oh, be quiet.
265 00:12:09 Or we shall tell everyone about the ferretyou've smuggled in here.
266 00:12:12 [dog growling]
267 00:12:14 -[giggling]-The whole thing is tawdry, I know.
268 00:12:17 -[under breath] Tawdry.-He desired my betrothed,
269 00:12:19 and Uncle Malcolm always getswhat he wants.
270 00:12:21 Malcolm. Uncle Malcolm.
271 00:12:24 -Quince.-Uncle--
272 00:12:26 Malcolm Quince is your uncle?That billionaire?
273 00:12:29 -That's the one.-Oh, my gosh.
274 00:12:32 He looks just like this...
275 00:12:35 if this wrinkled olive had $70 billion.
276 00:12:40 Seventy billion dollars.
277 00:12:41 I'm traveling to Monaco with the newlywedson his yacht
278 00:12:44 for the Grand Prix this weekend.
279 00:12:46 Why? Why would you do that?
280 00:12:48 Why would you go on their yachtafter what they just did?
281 00:12:50 Because I'm English, Mrs. Spitz.
282 00:12:52 -I'm a glutton for social masochism.-Oh.
283 00:12:55 And I plan on getting blind drunkand ruining the festivities.
284 00:13:01 Okay. I support that.
285 00:13:03 -I say, Audrey...-Hm.
286 00:13:06 Do you and your husbandhave plans this weekend?
287 00:13:13 [Audrey] You made a joke. That's--[laughing]
288 00:13:16 [both laughing]
289 00:13:17 Holy shit! This plane has a bar?
290 00:13:20 Sir, this is the first class lounge.
291 00:13:23 I'm gonna have to ask youto return to your seat.
292 00:13:25 There's bars on planes now?
293 00:13:26 Planes have bars now. In first class.
294 00:13:28 This is-- Man, I wish my mother wasstill alive to see this.
295 00:13:31 She was an alcoholic, but a nice one.
296 00:13:33 Sir, if you don't return to your seat,I'm gonna have to call--
297 00:13:35 The cops.
298 00:13:37 So that's my wife
299 00:13:38 talking to that handsome guy over therewith the one chin.
300 00:13:42 So I'm gonna go break that shit up,possibly grab myself a beer,
301 00:13:46 maybe you a Xanax.
302 00:13:49 ...the wine on board is worth a letter.
303 00:13:52 [Charles] People don't write lettersanymore, do they?
304 00:13:55 -[Charles] Such a pity.-It's just, it's all so tactical.
305 00:13:58 Yeah, that's true.
306 00:14:01 Hey!
307 00:14:02 Nick.
308 00:14:03 -[Nick] How are you?-Hi, honey. You're awake.
309 00:14:06 -Was your nappie good?-Been awake.
310 00:14:08 -I was looking for you.-I know, I'm--
311 00:14:09 -Well, I met this lovely gentleman.-Oh, yeah?
312 00:14:12 I'd like you to meet Charles Cavendish.
313 00:14:14 -He's a lord. Right?-How do you do?
314 00:14:16 -[Audrey] A lord?-Well, actually a viscount.
315 00:14:18 -Oh.-Although viscounts are addressed as Lord,
316 00:14:21 which probably accountsfor the lovely Audrey's confusion.
317 00:14:23 There you go.She gets confused with me too.
318 00:14:26 Sometimes I'm the king.Sometimes I'm Daddy.
319 00:14:29 So... can I get a Labatts, brother?
320 00:14:32 That'll be 17 euro.
321 00:14:33 No, no, no. Please.
322 00:14:35 The beer is on me.
323 00:14:36 I'm not just taking a beerfrom somebody I don't know.
324 00:14:39 Oh, my gosh.
325 00:14:40 And I do hope you take advantageof my other offer.
326 00:14:44 Hey. I'm not just gonna stand here
327 00:14:46 while you offer to pay meto have sex with my wife.
328 00:14:49 But out of curiosity,how much are we talking?
329 00:14:51 -Great.-I wouldn't do it.
330 00:14:52 -Hey, listen to me.-What?
331 00:14:54 He is inviting us to spend the weekendwith him on a yacht with his family.
332 00:14:58 Well, we have plans.
333 00:15:00 On a bus.
334 00:15:01 A bus that is boundfor the idyllic village of San Grigio,
335 00:15:05 where we can watch a demonstrationon how they age ham.
336 00:15:09 -Let me explain something.-Tell me what I'm missing.
337 00:15:12 -Are you kidding me?-Go.
338 00:15:13 We would be sailingaround European harbors.
339 00:15:16 -Yeah.-Okay? We'd be eating fresh fish.
340 00:15:18 -Right.-And we'd be drinking wine.
341 00:15:20 -Hmm.-We'd be together.
342 00:15:22 That's nice.
343 00:15:23 -They have a chef.-They have a chef.
344 00:15:24 His name is Maurice. Maurice?
345 00:15:26 -Maurice, yes.-Maurice.
346 00:15:28 "Some people call me Maurice."
347 00:15:30 [makes distorted whistling sound]
348 00:15:32 Remember that one?
349 00:15:34 -Can I talk to you for a second?-Sure.
350 00:15:36 [Nick] I gotcha.
351 00:15:37 So listen--
352 00:15:39 What are you doing?
353 00:15:40 Why would two adults come into a bathroomon an airplane?
354 00:15:43 Honey, come on.To have a private conversation.
355 00:15:46 Ah, that's funny.
356 00:15:47 Listen. I'm just trying to understand
357 00:15:49 why you are turning downthe opportunity of a lifetime.
358 00:15:53 Because I don't trust that guy.
359 00:15:55 -Why?-'Cause instincts.
360 00:15:57 Your instincts?
361 00:15:58 The same ones that told youyou were about to get laid in here?
362 00:16:01 I'm not getting laid?
363 00:16:02 Come on! When is the next time you and Iare gonna be able to get on a yacht?
364 00:16:06 I'm just saying, all those timeswe're eating ham sandwiches
365 00:16:09 and you're always asking,"How do they age the ham?"
366 00:16:12 -Never had that---We'll never ask that question again
367 00:16:14 -because we'll be in San Grigio.-That never happened.
368 00:16:16 They'll give us the reasonon how they do it so perfectly.
369 00:16:20 Okay. You wanna know the truth?
370 00:16:21 -You're breaking my heart.-Why?
371 00:16:23 I feel like a schmuck
372 00:16:24 because I've been working my ass offand saving money, and now you know why.
373 00:16:28 It was to take us on this trip.And I know I'm not a duke.
374 00:16:31 I understand. He's a viscount, but--
375 00:16:33 -I don't even know what that is.-I know. It's okay.
376 00:16:36 I'm sorry.
377 00:16:37 I love you.
378 00:16:38 -I got lost. I got swept up in it.-I know.
379 00:16:40 But it's okay. We're gonna do the bus.It's gonna be great.
380 00:16:42 We'll do the bus.You're gonna love the bus!
381 00:16:49 [woman] Hey! Hey, Gonzales.Where is our welcome glass of champagne?
382 00:16:53 -We were promised...-[child] Summer hit me!
383 00:16:55 [woman]...a glass of champagne when we arrived...
384 00:16:57 [man]Zip it! Both of you! Will you stop that?
385 00:17:00 I know you hear me!
386 00:17:02 [overlapping chatter]
387 00:17:03 [man] Shut up!
388 00:17:04 Let's do the-- We'll do the yacht, okay?
389 00:17:05 -Thank you.-All right.
390 00:17:07 Cavendish!
391 00:17:08 We've changed our minds. We're gonna come.
392 00:17:11 Splendid.
393 00:17:12 ["Libre" by Alvaro Soler playing]
394 00:17:32 -[Audrey] Hello.-Bienvenidos.
395 00:17:34 Thank you.
396 00:17:35 -Thank you.-De nada.
397 00:17:37 -This is amazing.-Señor.
398 00:17:39 I thought it was gonna be bigger.
399 00:17:40 -[Audrey] What?-I did.
400 00:17:41 -[Audrey] Bigger than this?-I really did.
401 00:17:43 I bet that's Cavendish's ex-fiancée
402 00:17:46 who left him for his uncle.
403 00:17:48 Oh, okay.I'm starving. Where's that Maurice dude?
404 00:17:51 Uh, I don't thinkwe're supposed to talk to him directly.
405 00:17:54 -Let's wait for dinner.-Which is when?
406 00:17:56 I don't-- Honey, it's later.I don't know. It's Europe, okay?
407 00:17:59 The bus observesa standard American dinnertime, so...
408 00:18:03 [Audrey]Oh, baby, this is like a painting.
409 00:18:05 -[Nick] No, it's nice---[Audrey] It just doesn't look real.
410 00:18:07 -[Nick] It's---[Audrey] Oh, my God!
411 00:18:10 Wow. Look. She's so pretty.
412 00:18:12 -[Nick] Very pretty.-She's that kind of pretty
413 00:18:14 that you don't really knowwhat country she's from.
414 00:18:16 I mean, I can't tell. Can you tell?
415 00:18:18 Japan.
416 00:18:19 Ah, yes, yes. You see? See?She can hear you.
417 00:18:22 She's not a-- not on television right now.
418 00:18:24 -You're watching a real person.-Shh.
419 00:18:27 Crashing the party with civilians.
420 00:18:29 Are you drunk?
421 00:18:30 It's only noon, Suzi, darling.
422 00:18:33 Of course I'm drunk.
423 00:18:34 So, where is your beloved,
424 00:18:35 Sir Liver Spots?
425 00:18:37 Malcolm is not here yet.
426 00:18:38 You know how he likes to make an entrance.
427 00:18:40 You'd know more about Malcolm's entrancesthan anyone at this point.
428 00:18:44 [Audrey whispers indistinctly]
429 00:18:47 -Great to meet you. You're terrific.-Nice to meet you. Pleasure.
430 00:18:50 [clears throat]I'm sorry you had to see that.
431 00:18:53 -Actually, I started to like you.-She deserved that.
432 00:18:55 -Very good. You came on strong.-She is not nice. You're hurt.
433 00:18:57 Charles.
434 00:18:58 So glad you could make it.
435 00:19:01 And you brought guests.
436 00:19:03 Allow me to introduce my cousin, Tobey.
437 00:19:05 Malcolm's only sonand the man Suzi would have left me for,
438 00:19:08 had he not been a screaming queen.
439 00:19:10 -[Nick] Okay.-Thank you for having us aboard, sir.
440 00:19:13 Yeah. Hey, really nice.
441 00:19:14 It's my father's boat.
442 00:19:15 Oh, well, her father, uh, let me usehis lawnmower one time,
443 00:19:19 -so I know how that goes.-Yeah.
444 00:19:22 How do you know Charles?
445 00:19:24 Oh. We go back to six hours ago?
446 00:19:26 -Yes.-We met on an airplane.
447 00:19:28 [Audrey] He was very nice to include us.
448 00:19:30 We have a spare cabin for them, I assume.
449 00:19:32 Well, seeing as you have so much history,I'm sure we can find some room.
450 00:19:36 Thank you. Thanks for the warm welcome.Appreciate it. After you.
451 00:19:39 -Up here? This keeps going up?-Really nice of you. So we go this way?
452 00:19:41 -[Audrey] Wow.-There's another deck, hun. Another deck!
453 00:19:44 "Sex-crazed oldster Malcolm Quince
454 00:19:47 wed 23-year-old ski instructorSuzi Nakamura this week."
455 00:19:51 -Mm-hmm.-"Why would the Tokyo-born tart
456 00:19:54 trade downhills for dentures?
457 00:19:56 Perhaps the $70 billionhis son, Tobey, was set to inherit."
458 00:20:01 -Wow.-Oh, my God, baby.
459 00:20:03 We are literally right in the middleof a TMZ story.
460 00:20:06 You were right about this yacht.Their shaving cream smells like coconuts.
461 00:20:10 -It's incredible.-Sorry.
462 00:20:12 You're allergic to rich people now?
463 00:20:14 No. Stop it! I'm allergic to stuff.Would you please grab me the Claritin?
464 00:20:18 Yes. Here.
465 00:20:20 Baby, that's Allegra.You said you packed Claritin.
466 00:20:24 That's the same thing.
467 00:20:25 No, honey. Allegra doesn't work for me.
468 00:20:27 Oh.
469 00:20:29 Okay. When we get to Monaco,I'll get you your Claritin.
470 00:20:32 It's not-- It's gonna be calledsomething else over there,
471 00:20:35 I'm telling you.Just remember, we-- The blue box.
472 00:20:38 You know, "Allegra" in, uh, Frenchmeans the same shit as Claritin.
473 00:20:42 [chuckles]
474 00:20:44 -Smile.-Yes.
475 00:20:45 [Suzi]You need to stop drinking. You're a drunk.
476 00:20:48 [Audrey] Look at him.
477 00:20:49 Why is he torturing himself like that?I mean, she's already married to Malcolm.
478 00:20:53 I don't know what elsehe's expecting her to say to him.
479 00:20:55 -She's saying he's a cad...-[Audrey gasps]
480 00:20:57 ...and he's saying she's a tramp,
481 00:20:59 and they're both right.
482 00:21:01 How do I know you? You're--
483 00:21:03 You're an actress, right?
484 00:21:04 All women are actresses, dear.
485 00:21:06 I'm just clever enough to get paid for it.
486 00:21:09 Grace Ballard.
487 00:21:11 Oh! [laughs loudly]
488 00:21:12 My God!
489 00:21:14 That's-- This is incr--I'm a massive fan of yours!
490 00:21:17 -Like, number one!-Oh.
491 00:21:19 -This isn't---I know. It's incredible.
492 00:21:21 I am Nick Spitz. This is my wife, Allison.
493 00:21:25 -I can't believe---Aud-- Audrey. I'm Audrey.
494 00:21:27 -I said Audrey!-No, you didn't.
495 00:21:29 Allison is the charactershe played in the--
496 00:21:31 [stammers] Remember the one?We watched it together.
497 00:21:33 Where it's a beautiful lady,it turns out she's a robot?
498 00:21:36 -And there's the bra---She's the robot!
499 00:21:37 -There's guns coming out of your bra.-Yes!
500 00:21:39 Sex Machina. My breakout role.
501 00:21:42 So good.Look at this, right in front of us!
502 00:21:45 I feel like I got kickedin the belly right now!
503 00:21:47 -Okay. Hey, hey, hey.-I lost my wind!
504 00:21:49 Let's go put on some sunscreen'cause it's--
505 00:21:51 You already put the sunscreenon me earlier.
506 00:21:53 No, we're gonna-- we're gonnareapply the sunscreen.
507 00:21:55 -We're putting more on?-We're gonna reapply.
508 00:21:57 All right. We'll put more on.
509 00:21:58 -So nice to meet you.-I can't believe-- This is great!
510 00:22:01 -He's so excited.-We're on the same ship!
511 00:22:05 Look at that. It says that her last nameisn't even really Ballard.
512 00:22:08 Well, so what?
513 00:22:09 How do you just come outlooking that beautiful?
514 00:22:12 -Oh, she's had it all done.-What?
515 00:22:14 Lips, nose, chin.
516 00:22:17 No!
517 00:22:18 People really get their chins done?
518 00:22:20 -Mm-hmm.-Huh!
519 00:22:21 That was so directed at me,it was disgusting.
520 00:22:24 [Nick] You want me to get my chin done.And I'm not--
521 00:22:26 [Audrey] I love you for who you are.Although it's an option.
522 00:22:28 -[both laugh]-Would you guys excuse me for a moment?
523 00:22:31 -I should say hello to the Maharajah.-Absolutely.
524 00:22:33 -Everyone's saying it.-Do you believe we're on a boat
525 00:22:35 where the guy said, "I'm gonna go havea conversation with the Maharajah?"
526 00:22:38 -[laughing] That was big.-Is this real?
527 00:22:40 Excuse me, ma'am?
528 00:22:41 Is there a Maurice here?'Cause I'm hungry as hell.
529 00:22:44 Yes, sir. He's preparing.
530 00:22:45 He's preparing. Okay.Is he ever gonna finish?
531 00:22:47 [Nick] Please tell Mauriceto step on the gas.
532 00:22:49 [suspenseful music playing]
533 00:22:51 -Oh, honey, honey, honey.-Mm-hmm?
534 00:22:52 Okay, um, don't look right now,but there's a really scary man
535 00:22:56 -with an eye patch...-Mm-hmm?
536 00:22:58 ...who's just staring right at us.
537 00:23:00 I said don't look and you can't not do it.
538 00:23:02 You say eye patch and scary,I'm gonna look.
539 00:23:03 I'm sorry.It's physically impossible not to.
540 00:23:05 [Audrey] All right. Okay.He's walking at us.
541 00:23:07 -Honey, honey.-Play it cool.
542 00:23:09 -Hey, fellas. What's up? How are ya?-[Audrey] Hey. Hi.
543 00:23:11 -[man] Who let you two on board?-Excuse me?
544 00:23:13 What is happening right now?
545 00:23:14 They're my guests, Colonel.
546 00:23:17 -This weekend is for family only.-[Charles] Really?
547 00:23:19 The last time I checked,you're not family.
548 00:23:21 Neither is Soviet Chewbacca over there.
549 00:23:24 Nick, Audrey.
550 00:23:25 -Yeah, you're not family for sure.-Okay.
551 00:23:27 Jesus. So I see one of themwas packing heat.
552 00:23:30 -Was I supposed to bring a gun?-Oh, I doubt it's even loaded.
553 00:23:33 That's Colonel Charles Ulengaof the Namibian Defense Force.
554 00:23:36 Malcolm's best friend.
555 00:23:37 He saved his lifefrom a bombing attempt in '94.
556 00:23:40 That's where he lost his eye and his--
557 00:23:42 And his dick? Did he lose his dick?
558 00:23:44 -Honey, why?-I thought that maybe it was his dick.
559 00:23:47 And that's Sergei Radjenko,former Spetsnaz, and his bodyguard.
560 00:23:52 Crazy eye patch guy needs a bodyguard?
561 00:23:55 [Audrey] Whoa! The hand!
562 00:23:56 There's a hand.It's not on his body anymore.
563 00:24:00 [Nick] Oh, look at this.Now he's smoking his dick!
564 00:24:02 -He's smoking his dick!-No. Oh, God. Would you stop it?
565 00:24:04 I'm just having fun. It's a boat.
566 00:24:08 [Audrey] Can I ask you a question?
567 00:24:09 What exactly... is a maharajah?
568 00:24:12 Why don't you ask him yourself?
569 00:24:14 No.
570 00:24:15 [Charles] Vik, I have some guestsI'd like you to meet.
571 00:24:17 Nick and Audrey Spitz,
572 00:24:20 I present the exalted MaharajahVikram Shivan Govindan of Mumbai.
573 00:24:24 -Oh, my gosh. It's so---Hey.
574 00:24:28 So nice to--
575 00:24:30 [Audrey clears throat]
576 00:24:32 -[Nick] Nice---[Audrey] We're--
577 00:24:35 [snorts]
578 00:24:36 [in English accent]Yo-ho-ho! That was very hilarious. Ah!
579 00:24:40 With all the bowin' and shit.
580 00:24:42 You know, when a brown person bows,white people bow back, innit?
581 00:24:45 -Up high. How about---I'm sorry.
582 00:24:47 He's giving you-- Respect!
583 00:24:48 -That was very good. Very funny.-That was a joke.
584 00:24:51 Audrey has a questionshe'd like to ask you.
585 00:24:53 Let me hear it. [laughs]
586 00:24:55 Oh. We were actually wondering,what exactly is a maharajah?
587 00:24:59 How do you--Do you have to go to a school for that?
588 00:25:01 Yeah, I was born into the game.
589 00:25:03 -Oh, you're born into it.-Okay, born into it.
590 00:25:05 [chuckles]
591 00:25:06 What do you do, Nick?
592 00:25:07 -I am---Nick's a detective.
593 00:25:10 Tight! You ever wet up anyone?
594 00:25:12 -What's that?-Yeah, you know, like drill,
595 00:25:14 bust a cap, waste. You're like...[imitates gunfire]
596 00:25:17 -He's funny. No, never shot anybody.-No! God!
597 00:25:19 Which is a good thing.
598 00:25:20 Nick is-- Well, it's just thatyou're a terrible shot.
599 00:25:23 He's a terrible shot.
600 00:25:25 He barely got out of the academy
601 00:25:26 because he couldn't even meet, like,his minimum marksmanship skills.
602 00:25:30 [chuckling]
603 00:25:31 Audrey is lactose intolerant.
604 00:25:33 -She also burps in her sleep.-What?
605 00:25:35 I just thought 'cause we are discussingeach other's flaws right now,
606 00:25:38 you wanted to put it on the table.
607 00:25:40 I'm sorry I-- Listen, I didn't thinkthat was a sensitive subject--
608 00:25:43 It's not a sensitive subject,I just don't like you telling
609 00:25:46 -everybody we meet.-I'm sorry I brought it up. Never mind.
610 00:25:48 ["Gitanas" by Mala Rodriguez playing]
611 00:26:17 -[Nick] Whoa.-Oh, my gosh. Look at this.
612 00:26:20 -Look at this crazy.-Wow. Babe.
613 00:26:22 Well, this room is as niceas the way you look.
614 00:26:25 -You look stunning.-Thank you, honey. That's so sweet.
615 00:26:30 What?
616 00:26:31 Everybody's in tuxedos.
617 00:26:33 -I wish you'd let me pack.-I shoulda wore socks. You're right.
618 00:26:35 -Yo! Juan Carlos!-Hey!
619 00:26:38 -Oh, good luck, man.-Hey.
620 00:26:41 Hi. Hi, there.What are we wishing you good luck for?
621 00:26:44 Well, he is racingin the Monaco Grand Prix tomorrow.
622 00:26:48 Wow. That's big.
623 00:26:49 Juan Carlos Rivera,let me introduce you to--
624 00:26:55 Steve and Lady Steve.
625 00:26:58 -[Audrey] What?-[Nick] No.
626 00:26:59 -[Audrey] No, no.-I mean, if you want.
627 00:27:01 -Just met us once.-Yeah, all right. I'm gonna...
628 00:27:03 -I'm Audrey.-...go again.
629 00:27:04 I'm Nick, and then we're the Spitzes.
630 00:27:06 Juan Carlos, huh?
631 00:27:07 [Nick] Hey, Juan Carlos.
632 00:27:09 So you're a race car driver.
633 00:27:11 Good, yes. [chuckles]
634 00:27:13 Wow. How do youget into something like that?
635 00:27:15 Uh, number one, yes.
636 00:27:18 You don't speak English, do you?
637 00:27:19 [laughs]
638 00:27:20 Uh, very fast. Very fast.
639 00:27:22 -Huh? Welcome.-Okay.
640 00:27:24 [ominous music playing]
641 00:27:38 What's that?
642 00:27:40 That is the Quince dagger.
643 00:27:43 [Charles] Chinese steel,jewels from across the Orient.
644 00:27:47 A gift to the family from Marco Polo,
645 00:27:49 or so the legend says.
646 00:27:51 God.
647 00:27:52 Nick's grandmother gave usa toaster from Sears.
648 00:27:54 [chuckles] So the legend says.
649 00:27:58 [dramatic music playing]
650 00:28:01 [thud]
651 00:28:03 [thud]
652 00:28:06 [thud]
653 00:28:08 Oh, look.
654 00:28:10 -[thud]-Here comes Daddy.
655 00:28:12 [thudding continues]
656 00:28:13 What's that?
657 00:28:26 Captain Wong,
658 00:28:28 I'd like to address my guests privately.
659 00:28:30 Certainly.
660 00:28:41 My friends,
661 00:28:42 welcome to the Mediterranean Queen.
662 00:28:45 I can't tell youhow much it warms my heart
663 00:28:48 that you have made this trip here
664 00:28:51 to celebrate my nuptials.
665 00:28:53 You will find, as you get older,
666 00:28:55 that you begin to take stock of life.
667 00:28:59 Not just where you've succeeded,
668 00:29:02 but where you've failed.
669 00:29:05 Who...
670 00:29:06 you've failed.
671 00:29:15 Suzi,
672 00:29:17 my darling bride,
673 00:29:18 who has so much of her life ahead of her.
674 00:29:23 Grace, who shines so brightlyon the silver screen.
675 00:29:33 Juan Carlos, my godson,
676 00:29:36 who strives to lead my race teamto victory.
677 00:29:42 You--
678 00:29:46 Who are you?
679 00:29:48 -Oh. Hey. We're the Spitzes.-We're the--
680 00:29:51 The who?
681 00:29:52 Uh, I'm Audrey, and Nick Spitz.
682 00:29:55 -Great.-We love the boat.
683 00:29:57 -A boat? I mean, this is a ship.-It's beyond.
684 00:29:59 -Never seen anything like this.-Eric Lamonsoff has a boat.
685 00:30:01 We go fishing. He's got a Boston Whaler.
686 00:30:03 This is gigantic.
687 00:30:04 They're my guests, Uncle.
688 00:30:06 You brought guests?
689 00:30:08 Well, you did take my plus-one.
690 00:30:11 I'm so sorry. Would you like us to leave?
691 00:30:13 We could-- I don't knowhow we're getting out of here, though.
692 00:30:16 We're-- We're out to sea.Is there an Uber for boats?
693 00:30:19 -Out-- Out of the room, Nick.-Out of the room?
694 00:30:21 We can go out of the room, absolutely--
695 00:30:22 No.
696 00:30:24 That won't be necessary.
697 00:30:26 -Okay. So we'll stick around.-So we stay. Okay.
698 00:30:29 My nephew, Charles,
699 00:30:31 who always finds a wayto keep me on my toes.
700 00:30:35 My friend, the Colonel,who's kept me safe these many years.
701 00:30:40 Vikram, whose family fortunes havealways been intertwined with my own.
702 00:30:50 And my Tobias.
703 00:30:52 All I ever wanted was a son,
704 00:30:55 and here you are.
705 00:30:58 My boy.
706 00:31:03 I've spoken to all of youabout your position in my will.
707 00:31:07 I have thought long and hardabout what each of you is truly worth,
708 00:31:13 and I've come to this conclusion.
709 00:31:16 You are all leeches.
710 00:31:19 Repugnant.
711 00:31:21 Blood fat.
712 00:31:22 Suckling on the tit of my good workfor so many years.
713 00:31:29 You repulse me.
714 00:31:34 [under breath]Can't get this on a bus, baby.
715 00:31:36 -This is incredible.-I know it.
716 00:31:38 -Thank you.-You're welcome.
717 00:31:39 [Malcolm]Which is why I have drafted a new will.
718 00:31:43 It states that my entire fortune
719 00:31:46 goes to Suzi.
720 00:31:48 [scoffs]
721 00:31:51 [Malcolm] From this moment forth,
722 00:31:54 you are all cut off.
723 00:31:56 Abandoned.
724 00:31:57 And perhaps,after I've done you this kindness,
725 00:32:01 you will finally be able to makesomething of yourselves...
726 00:32:05 on your own.
727 00:32:06 [sighs]
728 00:32:15 Apparently, she's had enough of my caviar.
729 00:32:18 [laughs]
730 00:32:19 -That was funny.-Shh.
731 00:32:21 [Malcolm] Darling.
732 00:32:26 [Charles]You could've signed this at home.
733 00:32:28 Instead, you called us hereto humiliate us?
734 00:32:30 [Malcolm] Yes, and you came running.
735 00:32:33 Father, don't do this.
736 00:32:35 Or what?
737 00:32:38 [Malcolm] Yes.
738 00:32:40 That's what I thought.
739 00:32:52 [shouting]
740 00:32:54 -[gunshot]-[screaming]
741 00:32:55 [Vik] Don't shoot me!Don't shoot me, please!
742 00:32:58 -Daddy!-[screams]
743 00:33:00 [yelling and screaming]
744 00:33:02 [dramatic music playing]
745 00:33:12 [Suzi gasps]
746 00:33:13 You shot him!
747 00:33:14 No!
748 00:33:16 I saw someone stab him.
749 00:33:17 -Who?-I don't know.
750 00:33:19 What happened? I heard a scr--
751 00:33:20 [gasps]
752 00:33:21 Malcolm!
753 00:33:22 Oh, God!
754 00:33:24 Has anybody tried to revive him?
755 00:33:26 He's got a knife plunged in his heart.I don't think he's revivable.
756 00:33:29 Should we pull it out?
757 00:33:30 No. It's a foot-long knife.It's just like pulling--
758 00:33:33 [all yelling]
759 00:33:36 [screams]
760 00:33:36 Oh, God!
761 00:33:38 Wow! You should have left the knife infor the po-po, Colonel, man!
762 00:33:41 -I'll put it back.-Don't put it back.
763 00:33:43 [all yelling]
764 00:33:46 Oh! Will you listen to my husband?He's a detective.
765 00:33:49 Yes, yes. What should we do, Mr. Officer?
766 00:33:51 Well, for starters, let's stop removingand reinserting the murder weapon
767 00:33:55 into the victim's chest.
768 00:33:57 In fact, let's stoptouching the body altogether.
769 00:34:00 He was gonna take it all away.
770 00:34:03 For you.
771 00:34:05 [Vik] Yo...
772 00:34:07 Did he sign it?
773 00:34:13 No.
774 00:34:13 Yes!
775 00:34:14 We should make surehe doesn't have another copy on him.
776 00:34:17 Uh-- Mm-mm.
777 00:34:18 Rifling through the pockets of the corpsecounts as touching, yup.
778 00:34:21 Sorry to single you out like that,Ms. Ballard. You're wonderful.
779 00:34:24 -You look extravagant tonight.-[Audrey] Okay. What's next?
780 00:34:26 We have to preserve the crime scene.
781 00:34:28 Captain Wong, is there any wayyou can lock off this place?
782 00:34:31 Yes, of course.
783 00:34:32 So we should then startquestioning the suspects.
784 00:34:35 Suspects?
785 00:34:36 We're not questioning anybody.
786 00:34:38 Wong, when you finish locking up here,you bring me the key.
787 00:34:41 Then you radio Interpol, tell 'emwe'll meet 'em at the docks in Monaco.
788 00:34:44 In the meantime, I'm gonna checkthe shrimp out a little closer.
789 00:34:47 For the investigation?
790 00:34:49 No, Wong, because I'm hungry as shit.
791 00:34:51 The rest of you, I'd lock yourselvesin your chambers or your yacht rooms
792 00:34:54 because one of us...
793 00:34:57 is a murderer.
794 00:34:58 [gasps]
795 00:35:03 -Audrey.-Yeah?
796 00:35:05 Get the cocktail sauce.
797 00:35:07 Yep.
798 00:35:31 Wait a second. What on earth is on these?
799 00:35:34 I don't know. This Maurice guy mustbreastfeed each shrimp individually.
800 00:35:38 I mean, they live so well.
801 00:35:40 -Oh, God, yeah.-God.
802 00:35:43 All right. Where were we?Okay, okay, okay.
803 00:35:45 You know what? There had to betwo people in on the killing.
804 00:35:48 Because how could they knowwhen the lights were gonna go out?
805 00:35:51 -That's smart, that's smart.-Right?
806 00:35:53 I'm tired as hell right now.I'm gonna go to sleep.
807 00:35:55 -Are you kidding me?-What?
808 00:35:57 You're not jet-lagged?
809 00:35:58 [Nick breathing heavily]
810 00:36:02 -Nick.-[groans]
811 00:36:04 -Honey, come on, seriously.-Huh?
812 00:36:06 Who do you think did it?
813 00:36:08 I don't think. I know.
814 00:36:10 Who?
815 00:36:12 It was the son.
816 00:36:13 -Tobey.-No.
817 00:36:15 No way. Not a chance. It's too obvious.
818 00:36:18 The most obvious suspectis never, never the killer.
819 00:36:21 The most obvious suspectis always the killer.
820 00:36:24 When a wife gets killed,90% of the time it was the husband.
821 00:36:30 Why did you just use that as an example?
822 00:36:32 [Nick murmurs]
823 00:36:33 And I disagree.
824 00:36:34 I think people are more complicatedthan that.
825 00:36:39 Judging off of what?Those books that you read?
826 00:36:42 People are simple, okay?
827 00:36:45 It was Tobey.
828 00:36:46 He had the most to gain,and he also had the most to lose.
829 00:36:49 Which is exactly why he's not the killer.
830 00:36:53 Did you ever fool around on a boat?
831 00:36:56 Do you know how much fun that could be?
832 00:36:58 I just lay hereand the boat does all the work.
833 00:37:00 -That's so convenient for you.-You know I have a bad back.
834 00:37:02 So convenient for you.
835 00:37:04 [Nick groans]
836 00:37:05 What about the lights?
837 00:37:07 Yeah, leave 'em on. I don't care.Either way. Lady's choice.
838 00:37:10 Shh! No. Who turned out those lights?
839 00:37:12 -[gunshot]-[yelps]
840 00:37:14 [woman screaming]
841 00:37:15 What?! Oh!
842 00:37:21 [gasps]
843 00:37:28 Don't look at me like that. I can feel it.
844 00:37:54 [indistinct chatter]
845 00:37:59 [sneezes]
846 00:38:00 -I'm sorry. Excuse me.-Will you take the Allegra?
847 00:38:02 It's the same stuff.
848 00:38:03 -I don't want to talk about it.-Oh, God.
849 00:38:09 [Audrey] Enter the brilliantyet tortured detective,
850 00:38:11 right on cue.
851 00:38:13 [man] Mesdames, messieurs.
852 00:38:16 My name is Inspector Laurent Delacroix.
853 00:38:20 I will now summon you one by oneto the grand lounge for questioning.
854 00:38:28 [camera shutter clicking in background]
855 00:38:31 Why is that smoke ring so good?How did he do that?
856 00:38:36 Oh, you broke it. You broke it.
857 00:38:46 [inhales deeply]
858 00:38:47 [sighs]
859 00:38:49 Tell me about Malcolm Quince.
860 00:38:51 He was the most wonderful--
861 00:38:54 Swine.
862 00:38:55 He was the love of my life.
863 00:38:57 He was a complicated man.
864 00:39:01 Describe to me what happened.
865 00:39:03 Yo, Mr. French Policeman, man.It was mad. Lights went out.
866 00:39:08 [Colonel] I thought I saw something move,and I shot.
867 00:39:10 [imitates gun, yells]
868 00:39:13 Yes.
869 00:39:14 Finish line.
870 00:39:15 The old man got what was coming to him.
871 00:39:17 One-eight-seven, motherfu--
872 00:39:21 Did anyone touch the body?
873 00:39:25 No.
874 00:39:26 And did you notice anything elseout of the ordinary?
875 00:39:31 -[all] The Americans.-Yes, number one. Yes.
876 00:39:37 [Audrey] Aren't you gonna, um...
877 00:39:39 Aren't you gonna separate us?
878 00:39:42 Pardon?
879 00:39:44 -For the interrogation.-[Nick] Okay.
880 00:39:45 Question us separately, see if our...
881 00:39:47 -What are you doing?-...answers match.
882 00:39:49 What? I'm just saying,our answers will match
883 00:39:52 -because we're innocent.-Yeah, that's right.
884 00:39:55 There we go.
885 00:39:56 God, you are really good at that.[chuckles]
886 00:39:59 We found this in Tobey Quince's suite.
887 00:40:03 A typewritten suicide note
888 00:40:05 in which he confessesto the murder of his father.
889 00:40:09 Typewritten?
890 00:40:10 -Mm-mm.-That's not very common.
891 00:40:12 -Very suspicious.-[Nick] Yes.
892 00:40:14 Yeah, obviously someone is tryingto frame Tobey for his father's murder.
893 00:40:18 [murmurs]
894 00:40:18 -[Audrey] This is amazing.-[Nick] Look how excited she is.
895 00:40:21 So where's your head atwith this whole thing?
896 00:40:23 I mean, who are your chief suspects?
897 00:40:26 You.
898 00:40:27 -Woo, yes.-Right, of course,
899 00:40:29 -'cause everybody is a suspect.-Especially her. [laughs]
900 00:40:32 This is a group of friends and familywho have known each other for years.
901 00:40:36 You two show up, and ten hours later,two of them are dead.
902 00:40:40 Coincidence?
903 00:40:41 -Yes.-Absolutely.
904 00:40:43 -Coincidence.-Wait. Excuse me.
905 00:40:44 Are you saying that your theory
906 00:40:46 is that the two of us conned our wayonto a stranger's boat at the last minute
907 00:40:50 to commit premeditated murderthat benefits us in no way?
908 00:40:54 That's your theory?
909 00:40:55 Perhaps someone paid you to do it.
910 00:40:57 -No.-Paid us to do it? [laughs]
911 00:40:59 Oh, my gosh. I would love to see that.Show me that money.
912 00:41:02 [Audrey] Do you want to seeour bank statements?
913 00:41:04 [stammers] We're broke.
914 00:41:06 Desperate for money. I see.
915 00:41:08 Now you gave him a motive.
916 00:41:10 -No, no, no. I know. Just don't...-We did this because--
917 00:41:12 -...take my words out of context.-We got nothing.
918 00:41:14 -That's all we got, is nothing.-No.
919 00:41:16 Listen, I am talking to you,detective to detective.
920 00:41:20 We didn't do this.
921 00:41:21 -You can see in my eyes. You can tell.-Mm-mm.
922 00:41:24 Perhaps I will havethat word with you independently.
923 00:41:28 I di-- Hey!
924 00:41:30 I can get up.
925 00:41:31 Hey, okay.
926 00:41:33 [Nick] I'll be out in a minute.
927 00:41:34 [Nick] I love you.
928 00:41:36 I'm sorry. She's just excitedbecause it's--
929 00:41:38 -She reads books, and this is fun for her.-[door closes]
930 00:41:43 You wish me to believe you're innocent.
931 00:41:46 Unfortunately, I do not believe liars.
932 00:41:48 But I'm telling you the truth.
933 00:41:50 And how longhave you been lying to your wife?
934 00:41:52 Excuse me?
935 00:41:54 You did not think that we wouldinvestigate your background,
936 00:41:58 Sergeant Nicholas Spitz, NYPD?
937 00:42:02 Failed his detective's exam three times.
938 00:42:05 You are, how you do say,
939 00:42:07 cop on the beat,
940 00:42:09 not detective as you so claim.
941 00:42:11 So I...
942 00:42:13 tell people I'm a detective.
943 00:42:15 There's--
944 00:42:16 That's not a crime.
945 00:42:18 Impersonating a detective is a crime.
946 00:42:21 I didn't think it was a crime here.
947 00:42:23 I thought maybe you guyshad different rules.
948 00:42:25 That doesn't make us murderers.
949 00:42:27 A broke, failed man, lying to his wife?I think it does.
950 00:42:30 You don't have any evidence.You can't hold us.
951 00:42:33 No, but I can hold these.
952 00:42:37 I believe Mr. Cavendish has providedaccommodations for you
953 00:42:40 at the Hotel de Savoie,so you won't be on the street.
954 00:42:44 But mark my words, Officer Spitz,
955 00:42:47 I will not rest until I provethat you committed these murders.
956 00:42:52 And I...
957 00:42:54 will rest, because I'm tired as shit,at that hotel you just said.
958 00:42:57 It sounds like a good one.
959 00:42:59 But after I'm well-restedand I eat breakfast--
960 00:43:01 hopefully the guy cooksas good as Maurice--
961 00:43:05 I will not rest until I prove to you
962 00:43:07 we have nothing to do with these murders.
963 00:43:15 [man] Juan Carlos!
964 00:43:15 [woman] Juan Carlos!
965 00:43:17 [crowd clamors]
966 00:43:20 [Audrey] Charles saidthat everyone's gonna be at this race,
967 00:43:23 so whoever did this is gonna be there.
968 00:43:25 We have to figure out who it is.
969 00:43:26 I know we've gotta figure it out.This isn't one of your books, sweetheart.
970 00:43:29 I mean, it's like one of your books,but this is real.
971 00:43:32 Like, two people are dead, for real.
972 00:43:34 -I know.-There's a real killer on the real loose.
973 00:43:36 Hey, babe. Relax.
974 00:43:37 What's-- What's wrong with you?
975 00:43:39 For real? Come on. Will you just focus...
976 00:43:42 -Fine.-...on this with me?
977 00:43:43 Um, yes. Uh...
978 00:43:44 [Nick] Okay. So there are three basicmotives for every murder.
979 00:43:47 [Audrey] Yes. The first one is money.
980 00:43:49 Right.
981 00:43:50 Everyone was in Quince's will,except Suzi.
982 00:43:52 -Okay.-All right. The second one is love.
983 00:43:54 We know nobody loved that guy'cause he was kind of a prick.
984 00:43:57 Suzi might have loved him.
985 00:43:58 -That's what you would think---Okay, what's the third one?
986 00:44:00 -Revenge.-Right.
987 00:44:01 That's the onewe should be thinking about.
988 00:44:03 I'm telling you, if we figure outwho hates this guy the most,
989 00:44:06 that's our killer.
990 00:44:07 Okay. Okay.
991 00:44:08 [engines revving]
992 00:44:11 [horn sounds]
993 00:44:15 [camera shutter clicking]
994 00:44:18 So, this beard... It's incredible.
995 00:44:20 Do you oil that or condition?
996 00:44:23 You won't get anything out of him.
997 00:44:25 Oh, my gosh.
998 00:44:26 Most of his life, he's been serving menlike me and Malcolm,
999 00:44:30 despite being an heir to millions.
1000 00:44:32 He's rich, too?
1001 00:44:33 He's supposed to be,but he's one of 16 children,
1002 00:44:35 and he's half French.
1003 00:44:37 Are you familiarwith French inheritance law?
1004 00:44:40 Broad strokes.
1005 00:44:41 That Colonel guy,he's getting on my nerves.
1006 00:44:44 -Yeah.-Shit. Walking around
1007 00:44:45 -saying you killed both those guys.-Huh?
1008 00:44:47 -Yeah.-What?
1009 00:44:48 And I'm like, come on.
1010 00:44:50 -My man wouldn't do---Yo. Look, yo. I didn't do nothing, son.
1011 00:44:54 -It doesn't matter what the will says.-Uh-huh.
1012 00:44:56 The fortune must be divided equallyamong the offspring.
1013 00:44:59 Why do the French have such a law?
1014 00:45:01 Well, they do it to keep all Frenchmenfrom doing what Malcolm was trying to do,
1015 00:45:05 and leaving everythingto their mistresses.
1016 00:45:08 [Audrey] Oh.
1017 00:45:09 -My theory is...-Yeah?
1018 00:45:11 ...Juan Carlos done it, man.
1019 00:45:13 What? Why would he do that?
1020 00:45:14 Well, Juan Carlos's dadused to race for Malcolm.
1021 00:45:17 Malcolm tried to get slick on somesafety angle, and shit got overlooked.
1022 00:45:21 -Yeah?-Okay.
1023 00:45:24 Juan Carlos's dad lost both his legs, G.
1024 00:45:28 Yeah, straight up.[imitates bones snapping]
1025 00:45:30 -Oh.-Gone.
1026 00:45:31 So it's payback time.
1027 00:45:32 A hundred percent of a doubt.
1028 00:45:34 Wh-What?
1029 00:45:35 -Juan Carlos is your man.-Oh, yeah.
1030 00:45:38 You guarantee that?
1031 00:45:39 Guarantee.
1032 00:45:40 Respect.
1033 00:45:42 Or maybe Sergei could have done it.
1034 00:45:46 -Yeah.-Okay. So you're not guaranteeing it.
1035 00:45:48 No, not a hundred percent. No.
1036 00:45:53 -[sneezes]-Oh! Bless you.
1037 00:45:56 Would you like some Allegra?
1038 00:45:58 -I doubt that would be useful.-I know.
1039 00:46:01 It doesn't work.I tried to tell that to Nick.
1040 00:46:06 Do you need something?
1041 00:46:07 Uh, no. Mm-mm.
1042 00:46:10 The guy that throws me off the most--Cavendish--
1043 00:46:13 to me, he seems likehe's compensating for something,
1044 00:46:18 with the Great Gatsby look and the jawline
1045 00:46:20 and the "hey, I'm so gorgeous."Am I right?
1046 00:46:22 Mm-hmm.
1047 00:46:23 There's absolutely nothing wrongwith Charles Cavendish.
1048 00:46:25 -Isn't that the---Except...
1049 00:46:28 he probably murdered his uncle.
1050 00:46:31 Well, that's one thing wrong.
1051 00:46:32 [chuckling]
1052 00:46:34 [commentator]...comes to the checkered flag!
1053 00:46:36 It's Juan Carlos!
1054 00:46:38 Winner of this year'sMonte Carlo Grand Prix!
1055 00:46:41 [Audrey]I find that Suzi Nakamura very suspicious.
1056 00:46:43 She's the only onewho didn't have a motive.
1057 00:46:46 -It was Cavendish and you know it.-You just-- No, you just don't like him.
1058 00:46:49 I don't like him. I don't.I hate his guts, but that's not it.
1059 00:46:52 -Did you just steal all of those?-He's the sole blood heir.
1060 00:46:54 He stands to makethe biggest claim for the fortune.
1061 00:46:57 I want one of these.
1062 00:46:58 -Malcolm stole his fiancée.-Okay.
1063 00:47:01 That's all three motives.
1064 00:47:03 Money, love, revenge.
1065 00:47:05 We went past it.I don't know where we are.
1066 00:47:06 We're over here.Will you please try one of these?
1067 00:47:08 No! Oh, my God. You know what?
1068 00:47:11 I think you just think it's Cavendish'cause you're jealous of him.
1069 00:47:14 -[scoffs] Oh, God.-Yeah.
1070 00:47:16 -I'm jealous of him.-You are.
1071 00:47:18 What? Why? What am I jealous of?
1072 00:47:19 What is there to be jealous--He's rich. He's charming.
1073 00:47:23 He smells great.
1074 00:47:24 What do you mean? What's he smell like?
1075 00:47:26 He smells likehe just came out of the dryer.
1076 00:47:29 -[knock at door]-[gasps]
1077 00:47:32 What the-- What the--
1078 00:47:38 [Audrey] No, no, no.
1079 00:47:39 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
1080 00:47:40 We should test thatfor fingerprints first.
1081 00:47:42 Okay. Do you havethe fingerprint testing kit?
1082 00:47:45 -What?-'Cause I didn't pack mine.
1083 00:47:47 Is it in your bag?
1084 00:47:48 Stop it! Come on.
1085 00:47:50 Hurry.
1086 00:47:51 Oh, this is so crazy.
1087 00:47:55 Oh, God. Seriously?
1088 00:47:57 [straining]
1089 00:47:58 Oh, got it.
1090 00:48:00 Will you pleasejust go see a chiropractor?
1091 00:48:02 It's gonna be fine.
1092 00:48:04 "Come to suite 802."
1093 00:48:07 ♪ Dum, dum, dum ♪
1094 00:48:08 -We have to go to 802.-We're not going to 802. Stop!
1095 00:48:11 -Why?-It's a trap.
1096 00:48:12 Why wouldn't whoever just knockedjust come in and talk to us?
1097 00:48:15 Maybe he's being watched by the killer.
1098 00:48:16 What if we're being watched by the killer?
1099 00:48:19 What if he was in here?
1100 00:48:21 Maybe he stole my Peanut M&Ms.
1101 00:48:23 I stole your Peanut M&Ms.
1102 00:48:26 You stole my Peanut M&Ms?
1103 00:48:27 -I wanted to see if they tasted the same!-You got to stop eating.
1104 00:48:29 You're gonna gain it all back.
1105 00:48:30 I'm going to 802. Are you coming with me?
1106 00:48:32 Okay, wait. Let me just...
1107 00:48:34 -What?-...figure something out.
1108 00:48:37 God damn.
1109 00:48:43 -What are you doing?-It's a weapon.
1110 00:48:45 That's a lamp.
1111 00:48:46 Not when I crack someoneover the head with it.
1112 00:48:48 Will you stop questioning everything I do.
1113 00:48:50 Well, everything you do is questionable.
1114 00:48:52 [tense music playing]
1115 00:49:01 [whispering] That's 808.
1116 00:49:05 [creaking]
1117 00:49:15 Hello?
1118 00:49:18 Note sender?
1119 00:49:21 You told us to come to 802. Are you there?
1120 00:49:26 Are you dead?
1121 00:49:27 He might be in the bathroom.
1122 00:49:32 [screaming]
1123 00:49:34 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
1124 00:49:36 [with deep voice] Sit on the bed.
1125 00:49:37 You speak-- I thought you didn't speak.
1126 00:49:39 Shut up. Sit on the bed.
1127 00:49:40 -I'm sitting!-Shut up. Sit down.
1128 00:49:42 We're gonna sit in front of the bed.All good.
1129 00:49:45 I cannot keep his secrets anymore.
1130 00:49:48 You mean the Colonel's, right?
1131 00:49:50 The Colonel's secrets?I know, it's so hard to keep secrets.
1132 00:49:53 It really is.You know, I have a friend named Gwen,
1133 00:49:55 and she has a boxthat she keeps under her bed--
1134 00:49:57 Look, don't give me that hairdresser shit.
1135 00:50:00 Just shut up. Listen.
1136 00:50:02 Copenhagen, 1994.
1137 00:50:06 We were leaving a state dinner.
1138 00:50:10 I did not see the bomber,
1139 00:50:13 but the Colonel did.
1140 00:50:15 Whoa.
1141 00:50:16 He threw his body across Mr. Quince.
1142 00:50:20 He was hero.
1143 00:50:22 For nine months,the Colonel lay in a coma.
1144 00:50:26 And when he awoke,
1145 00:50:28 he find his eyeis not the only thing he lost.
1146 00:50:32 They blew off his dick.I knew it. I knew it.
1147 00:50:35 -His hand. His hand, honey.-The dick. He's saying the dick.
1148 00:50:37 -No, no, no.-He doesn't have a hand!
1149 00:50:39 -I'm no talk about dick!-All right.
1150 00:50:42 I talk about her.
1151 00:50:44 -Me?-Her?
1152 00:50:45 No, no, no.
1153 00:50:50 Madeleine...
1154 00:50:52 LeBoutillier.
1155 00:50:55 The most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
1156 00:50:59 She was the Colonel's fiancéewhen the bomb exploded.
1157 00:51:04 And when he awoke...
1158 00:51:07 she was Mr. Quince's wife.
1159 00:51:10 What the hell is with this guy?
1160 00:51:11 -What, honestly, is his problem?-Can he get his own woman maybe once?
1161 00:51:14 And then she died.
1162 00:51:16 -No!-[Nick groans]
1163 00:51:17 In childbirth.
1164 00:51:18 -No!-Damn.
1165 00:51:19 The child died, too. A boy.
1166 00:51:22 A boy who would have inherited it all.
1167 00:51:25 After that, the Colonel never mentionedMadeleine again,
1168 00:51:30 except for one night.
1169 00:51:32 On the anniversary of her death,
1170 00:51:35 he came to me, he was drinking. He say...
1171 00:51:40 "Sergei."
1172 00:51:41 He's doing impressions now.
1173 00:51:43 "If you were to kill this Mr. Quince,
1174 00:51:46 how would you do it?"
1175 00:51:48 And I say,
1176 00:51:50 "Find isolated place,
1177 00:51:53 create confusion,
1178 00:51:55 make sure there are others with motive."
1179 00:51:59 I told him how to kill the man!
1180 00:52:03 -Holy shit! This is incredible!-Thank you.
1181 00:52:05 Okay. So the Colonel killed Malcolmand Tobey over lost love.
1182 00:52:08 -Got it. Perfect.-This is insane.
1183 00:52:10 Will you just sayall of that one more time,
1184 00:52:12 but can you say it from the top?
1185 00:52:13 -I've gotta do a voice memo.-She screws this up a lot.
1186 00:52:16 -Just ask Siri.-[Nick] Swipe it up.
1187 00:52:18 -Swipe it up.-I did swipe up.
1188 00:52:19 Say, "Siri,
1189 00:52:20 -I would like to make voice memo."-[overlapping chatter]
1190 00:52:22 [pounding on door]
1191 00:52:23 [tense music playing]
1192 00:52:25 Get into wardrobe. You are in danger.
1193 00:52:28 -Get in the wardrobe, you said?-You are in danger. Right now.
1194 00:52:30 -Quickly.-[Audrey] Jesus. I don't know-- Ow!
1195 00:52:33 And whatever you hear,do not come out till I say so.
1196 00:52:36 -Yes, sir.-Yes.
1197 00:52:40 [Sergei] You. What do you want?
1198 00:52:42 No, they're not here. You should go.
1199 00:52:45 -[door closes]-[silenced gunshots]
1200 00:52:48 [whispering] Where's the lamp?
1201 00:52:50 -I left it outside.-Why isn't it in here?
1202 00:52:53 -Now you like the lamp? You're ridiculous.-Well, we needed--
1203 00:52:56 -[Audrey] Let me open the door.-[Nick] Wait, wait, wait!
1204 00:52:58 -[Nick] Sh.-[door creaking]
1205 00:53:03 Oh, thank God.
1206 00:53:05 Killer...
1207 00:53:06 is...
1208 00:53:07 [gasps] What?
1209 00:53:08 [groaning]
1210 00:53:10 [Audrey] Oh, God, no! No, no, no!
1211 00:53:12 -[Nick groans]-Oh, my God!
1212 00:53:14 Is he dead? Is he dead?
1213 00:53:16 He's dead!
1214 00:53:17 Do we call housekeeping?
1215 00:53:19 -[pounding on door]-Oh! Honey!
1216 00:53:21 -[Nick] Oh, my God!-[screaming]
1217 00:53:23 Lock the door!
1218 00:53:24 [Audrey] Oh, God!
1219 00:53:26 -[Nick yells]-Oh, my God.
1220 00:53:27 -[silenced gunshots]-[screaming]
1221 00:53:29 Go! Out of the window!
1222 00:53:30 -[thudding on door]-[Audrey] What are you doing?
1223 00:53:33 [car horns honking]
1224 00:53:34 [Nick] Okay, there's a ledge.
1225 00:53:35 That's not a ledge, that's an edge!
1226 00:53:37 -[Nick] Here we go.-[Audrey] Oh, my God.
1227 00:53:39 [Nick] I gotcha, a hundred percent.A hundred percent. Slow.
1228 00:53:42 -[Nick] Oh, right there.-No! Oh, God.
1229 00:53:45 [Nick] Come on.
1230 00:53:46 -Don't even look down.-Oh!
1231 00:53:48 -Don't look down.-Oh, my God!
1232 00:53:49 -Told you not to look down.-It's so far.
1233 00:53:51 -[Nick] Oh, my God.-[yelps]
1234 00:54:01 -[Nick] He flosses angrier than you!-[screaming]
1235 00:54:10 [Nick] We got an empty room. Jackpot.
1236 00:54:11 -Okay, we're gonna get up on this letter.-Okay.
1237 00:54:13 Ready? Go. [straining]
1238 00:54:17 [Audrey] God!
1239 00:54:18 Oh, my God!
1240 00:54:19 [both grunting]
1241 00:54:21 -You okay? Come on.-That was the scariest thing.
1242 00:54:23 -We gotta go. All right. I love you.-Oh, my God.
1243 00:54:26 -I love you. I'm so scared.-Let's go, let's go, let's go.
1244 00:54:28 [thudding]
1245 00:54:31 [Nick] Uh... What's in here? Uh...
1246 00:54:35 No, you're not going back out there.
1247 00:54:38 -[Grace] Oh, yes! Finally!-Come here.
1248 00:54:40 -Kiss me, Vik.-Oh!
1249 00:54:42 Oh, kiss me. Kiss me here.
1250 00:54:43 -Where?-Here.
1251 00:54:45 -God, I love it. Quick, get me to the bed.-Jesus Christ.
1252 00:54:47 -Get up.-Yes!
1253 00:54:48 [stammering] I'm gonna drink you uplike a milkshake without a straw!
1254 00:54:51 Yeah. Wow!
1255 00:54:53 -[Vik] That's right.-Vanilla milkshake!
1256 00:54:54 [Vik] Vanilla, chocolate, whatever!
1257 00:54:56 -Yeah!-Yeah!
1258 00:54:57 -Here we go!-Wow!
1259 00:54:59 [Vik] Yeah! I hope the hotel'sgot insurance for these springs
1260 00:55:02 'cause I'm gonna bust this bed up.
1261 00:55:03 [Grace] Oh, my God!
1262 00:55:04 -You're much stronger than you look, Vik!-That's right!
1263 00:55:06 [moaning]
1264 00:55:07 -[Vik] You ready for this?-I don't know if I am!
1265 00:55:10 -[Vik moans]-[Grace] Oh, Grace!
1266 00:55:13 -Grace! Oh, Grace!-Huh? Why do you keep saying Grace?
1267 00:55:16 Darling, it's the only thingthat gets me in the mood.
1268 00:55:18 [Grace] Grace!You look so good for your age!
1269 00:55:22 -[Vik] So good for your age! Oh, God!-[Grace] Your skin is beautiful!
1270 00:55:25 -[Grace] You have no wrinkles...-No wrinkles any--
1271 00:55:28 Anywhere!
1272 00:55:29 Oh, my God! Grace, you're so--
1273 00:55:32 Oh, God!
1274 00:55:36 -[whispers] Uh-oh.-[Grace] Vik.
1275 00:55:37 Mm-hmm?
1276 00:55:39 What happened?
1277 00:55:41 [Vik] Maybe we should,like, conversate a little bit.
1278 00:55:43 Get to know each other. Know what I mean?
1279 00:55:45 Like, eye to eye, really connect.Tell me about your favorite band.
1280 00:55:49 [Grace laughs nervously]
1281 00:55:50 [Grace] I'm going to the casino.Maybe I'll get lucky there.
1282 00:55:53 Look, look, look!Please don't tell anybody about this
1283 00:55:56 'cause I've got some mad sex credin these parts, yeah.
1284 00:55:58 [Vik] My people know me.
1285 00:56:00 I'll buy you a hat!
1286 00:56:01 [laughing]
1287 00:56:02 [Audrey]I can't believe this just happened.
1288 00:56:05 Okay, okay.
1289 00:56:06 [exhales]
1290 00:56:08 All right. We gotta calm down.
1291 00:56:09 -This has been a really weird day, huh?-Yeah.
1292 00:56:11 Okay. Let's just get out of this place.
1293 00:56:13 Absolutely.Someplace with beer though, please.
1294 00:56:17 "I'll go buy you a hat."
1295 00:56:18 [laughing]
1296 00:56:19 [gentle accordion music playing]
1297 00:56:21 [Nick] Sergei was trying to tell usthe Colonel did it,
1298 00:56:24 but then he gets shot.There's no way the Colonel shot him
1299 00:56:27 'cause the Colonel was havinga floss party.
1300 00:56:29 Did you see how crazy he was goingwith the teeth flossing?
1301 00:56:31 -I did.-What did he have in there? A buffet?
1302 00:56:34 [news anchor speaking French]
1303 00:56:38 -Um...-Oh, my gosh.
1304 00:56:40 [speaking French]
1305 00:56:42 [speaking French]
1306 00:56:45 -What's he saying?-I don't know.
1307 00:56:47 Well, you took French in high school,didn't you?
1308 00:56:49 I don't remember high school!What did you take in high school?
1309 00:56:52 -Latin.-Oh, great. Who takes freakin' Latin?
1310 00:56:54 -People who have a hot Latin teacher.-Shh!
1311 00:56:56 [speaking French rapidly]
1312 00:56:58 Okay, so something, something...
1313 00:57:01 Something cake. Something's frosted.
1314 00:57:03 Okay. You're fired. You're fired.
1315 00:57:04 -Okay, I told you---Excuse me, sir.
1316 00:57:06 Could you translate that for us, please?S'il vous plaît?
1317 00:57:09 [in French accent]Uh, the TV says that, uh...
1318 00:57:12 you are the most wanted... for...
1319 00:57:15 for meurtre.
1320 00:57:16 -No, no, no.-Okay, no, no. We...
1321 00:57:18 This is a complete misunderstanding, okay?
1322 00:57:20 We were just around...
1323 00:57:22 -We saw---...a lot of people that happened to die,
1324 00:57:24 but we didn't murt.
1325 00:57:25 You are to be arrested at first sight.
1326 00:57:28 -Us?-So, here's what we do.
1327 00:57:29 What are you talking about?What are you doing?
1328 00:57:32 They can't track our SIM card now.
1329 00:57:34 Yeah, then pull the SIM card out.
1330 00:57:36 You don't just submerge our phonesinto a bucket of beer.
1331 00:57:39 Now-- Now he's sayingthat madame is hairdresser,
1332 00:57:42 you are, uh... police officer?
1333 00:57:45 No, he's-- he's a detective.
1334 00:57:47 Ah. No, he's not.
1335 00:57:48 -Yes, he is.-Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
1336 00:57:49 No, no, no.He says that you have, uh, confessed
1337 00:57:52 to lying about that you are detective.
1338 00:57:54 What? No. Now he's making stuff up.
1339 00:57:56 TV says you have failedyour detective exam many, many times.
1340 00:57:59 All right! Enough translato. That's not--
1341 00:58:01 You're just improvising, pal,and it's getting weird.
1342 00:58:04 What-- What is he talking about?
1343 00:58:05 [Delacroix] I will repeat this messagein English.
1344 00:58:07 Nick Spitz...
1345 00:58:09 is many things,
1346 00:58:10 but not a detective.
1347 00:58:14 Well, I heard that.
1348 00:58:15 [Delacroix] I will repeat this messagein Spanish.
1349 00:58:17 Did you lie to me?
1350 00:58:19 I didn't-- I didn't lie.
1351 00:58:21 -The guy-- The guy was---Oh, God. No, no, no.
1352 00:58:24 [Nick] Whoa. Hey.
1353 00:58:26 -No.-Hun, hun, hun.
1354 00:58:28 This whole thing's just--just very complicated.
1355 00:58:30 Complicated, yeah.I thought people were simple.
1356 00:58:34 [sighs] Audrey, please.
1357 00:58:36 What? Did you lieabout getting that raise, too?
1358 00:58:40 [sighs] How are we affording this trip?
1359 00:58:44 You made me feel likeI had to take you on this honeymoon.
1360 00:58:47 You told meyou already booked this honeymoon.
1361 00:58:51 You gave this to me.This was my anniversary gift.
1362 00:58:53 -Okay.-You lied about that, too?
1363 00:58:55 We'll get into all that, okay?
1364 00:58:56 But right now, I gotta figure outhow we're gonna get out of this situation.
1365 00:59:00 You have to figure this out?What do you think I've been doing?
1366 00:59:03 This is what I do for a living,sweetheart!
1367 00:59:05 You're a goddamn hairdresser!
1368 00:59:09 -I'm sorry.-Whoa.
1369 00:59:12 -Where you going?-I need a minute.
1370 00:59:15 -[police sirens wailing]-We don't have a minute!
1371 00:59:17 [Audrey]Just leave me alone. Don't you follow me.
1372 00:59:39 [Charles] You need to get outof Monte Carlo right away.
1373 00:59:42 I got you into this,I'll help get you out. Come with me.
1374 00:59:45 -[Charles] Now! We have to go.-[Audrey] Right.
1375 00:59:49 -[Charles] Lake Como, back roads.-[driver] Yes, sir.
1376 00:59:55 -[Charles] Where's Nick?-I don't know. I don't care.
1377 01:00:25 [Nick] Jimmy boy, it's Nick.
1378 01:00:27 Where are you?
1379 01:00:29 You guys are all over the news.
1380 01:00:31 They say you killed three people.
1381 01:00:32 Do you think that's possible?
1382 01:00:34 With your aim? Hell, no.
1383 01:00:36 Exactly. Now I'm gonna text youtwo international numbers.
1384 01:00:39 Can you link them togetherso I can follow one from the other?
1385 01:00:42 Are you trying to get my ass fired?
1386 01:00:44 [sighs] But hell, yeah.
1387 01:00:46 Thank you.
1388 01:00:47 There's one more thingI want you to check into for me.
1389 01:00:49 [woodwind band playing]
1390 01:00:54 [Audrey] What are we doing?
1391 01:00:55 I just have to dash infor a quick appointment with my lawyer.
1392 01:00:58 We're going to read Malcolm's willat the villa later on,
1393 01:01:00 and I'm going to get what's mine.
1394 01:01:02 Charles, that just soundedvery suspicious.
1395 01:01:06 What about this week doesn't?
1396 01:01:15 Oh, God.
1397 01:01:19 [gasps]
1398 01:01:21 Oh, my God. Claritin.
1399 01:01:25 This is Japanese Claritin.
1400 01:01:31 [suspenseful music playing]
1401 01:02:16 Hello?
1402 01:02:19 Charles?
1403 01:02:27 Audrey!
1404 01:02:28 [groans]
1405 01:02:28 -[Audrey] Ow!-God!
1406 01:02:30 -[Audrey] Ow!-What the--
1407 01:02:31 [Audrey] What the--
1408 01:02:32 What are you doing here?
1409 01:02:34 I followed Suzi here.
1410 01:02:37 -Suzi's here?-Yes.
1411 01:02:38 Okay, Cavendish came here to find Suzi.I'm telling you, Cavendish is in on this.
1412 01:02:42 I know. I knew that!
1413 01:02:43 Okay. I just founda box of Japanese Claritin
1414 01:02:46 in the back of Cavendish's limo.
1415 01:02:49 So what? They were planning thisthe whole damn time?
1416 01:02:51 The whole time. This was their plan.
1417 01:02:53 -So they kill Malcolm, they kill Tobey...-Yeah.
1418 01:02:55 ...before Malcolm has timeto sign the new will.
1419 01:02:57 -Right.-That way, Cavendish inherits everything.
1420 01:02:59 And he splits it with Suzi.
1421 01:03:01 And if they killed him after,then Suzi would have inherited.
1422 01:03:03 -They still would have split that.-It was a win-win.
1423 01:03:05 Oh, look at that.
1424 01:03:07 Who figured that whole thing out?
1425 01:03:09 The hairdresser. Mm-mm. The hairdresser.
1426 01:03:11 -[door closes]-[gasps]
1427 01:03:16 -[Audrey yelps]-I got you!
1428 01:03:17 Jesus! Oh, my God.
1429 01:03:18 It's just like Death at the Library!
1430 01:03:20 What happens in Death at the Library?
1431 01:03:22 They died. That's why it's calledDeath at the Library.
1432 01:03:25 [screams, exclaims]
1433 01:03:29 Nick, what are you doing? [screams]
1434 01:03:31 We are going to push this overon the count of three,
1435 01:03:33 -and then we're gonna run.-We're gonna what?
1436 01:03:35 -Don't you trust me?-No!
1437 01:03:38 Ready? One!
1438 01:03:41 Two!
1439 01:03:43 Three!
1440 01:03:46 [both yelping]
1441 01:03:56 Oh, look! There!
1442 01:04:03 Oh! Sorry! Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.
1443 01:04:06 [Nick] Come on.
1444 01:04:10 -Is that---Is that Juan Carlos?
1445 01:04:12 -Juan Carlos!-Hey!
1446 01:04:14 Hello!
1447 01:04:15 -Juan Carlos!-How am I?
1448 01:04:16 -No, no. Suzi! Suzi!-Suzi! Suzi! Which way is Suzi?
1449 01:04:18 -Married to Malcolm.-You two married! Good!
1450 01:04:21 -No!-No!
1451 01:04:22 Suzi vidisti?Putamus esse illa interfectorem.
1452 01:04:26 -Yes!-Latin, baby!
1453 01:04:28 -Still the international language!-I got it!
1454 01:04:30 [shouting]
1455 01:04:32 [Audrey] Shit.
1456 01:04:33 [tense music playing]
1457 01:04:35 -Oh!-Yeah!
1458 01:04:41 [Audrey] Where'd she go?
1459 01:04:43 She was right there.
1460 01:04:45 You should have never come to Lake Como.
1461 01:04:48 -Wait a minute.-We know about you and Cavendish.
1462 01:04:50 -You know nothing.-[Audrey] We know you're still in love,
1463 01:04:52 and we know that love is toughwithout money.
1464 01:04:54 Isn't it, Suzi?
1465 01:04:56 I'll take your word for it.You're the one whose shoes
1466 01:04:58 still got a sticker from Marshalls on it.
1467 01:05:00 -They have name brands now!-[Audrey] How dare you?
1468 01:05:02 -They have name brands now!-How dare you?
1469 01:05:03 -[Nick] What?-These are from Target.
1470 01:05:05 -How could you not tell me?-I don't look at your--
1471 01:05:08 -Shut up!-[gasping]
1472 01:05:09 -Oh!-Suzi, don't. Please, don't do this.
1473 01:05:12 No matter what you do,you're not gonna be safe. I'm telling you.
1474 01:05:14 One murderer always double-crossesthe other murderer.
1475 01:05:17 -She reads the books.-It's just a cliché of the genre!
1476 01:05:19 -I'm telling you!-[gasps]
1477 01:05:22 [gasps]
1478 01:05:23 Hey! Halloween!
1479 01:05:25 -[gasps]-[yelling]
1480 01:05:27 [Audrey] No, no, no! Oh, my God!
1481 01:05:28 Go, go, go!
1482 01:05:30 Cavendish, you move,I'll blow your head off!
1483 01:05:35 Shoot at him!
1484 01:05:40 Oh, babe, you're the worst shot!
1485 01:05:42 Those were warning shots, honey!
1486 01:05:45 -Oh, yes! I go fast!-Go!
1487 01:05:48 Ambulance! Emergencia!
1488 01:05:51 [gasping]
1489 01:05:53 Oh!
1490 01:06:00 Okay, Suzi.You've gotta tell me who did this.
1491 01:06:02 Slow down. Don't use your words.
1492 01:06:04 Let's charade it, okay.Just tell me with your hand.
1493 01:06:06 Uh, claw. Bear claw.
1494 01:06:08 No. Grizzly bear claw.
1495 01:06:09 Oh! Chewy. Chewy.
1496 01:06:11 So it's Sergei? No, Sergei's dead.
1497 01:06:13 [Juan] Hey!
1498 01:06:16 Have you got tires on your feet? Good God!
1499 01:06:19 Spooning. Eating. Uh...
1500 01:06:21 Ice cream. No, no. Gelato. Gelato?
1501 01:06:23 Oh, God. It's amazing how prettyyou are when you're-- I'm sorry.
1502 01:06:27 Hey.
1503 01:06:28 Hey! Come on!
1504 01:06:31 Oh, shoot!
1505 01:06:34 [groaning]
1506 01:06:41 [plate shatters]
1507 01:06:45 Hey!
1508 01:06:46 [clamoring]
1509 01:06:49 Ba-ba-ba-ba!
1510 01:06:51 Crazy... crazy... Crazy mad love!
1511 01:06:54 It's crazy 'cause you're madly in lovewith Cavendish.
1512 01:06:57 It's Cavendish, no?Sleeping With the Ene--
1513 01:06:59 Sleeping.
1514 01:07:00 You're not sleeping.
1515 01:07:01 -[Nick] She's dead now?-I don't know why this keeps happening!
1516 01:07:04 [Nick] Let's go!We gotta get out of here.
1517 01:07:06 -[Nick] Oh, my God. Come on.-[Audrey] Where?
1518 01:07:08 Close the airports! Search house to house!
1519 01:07:11 As God as my witness,I will find Nick and Audrey Spitz.
1520 01:07:14 -Inspector?-Yes?
1521 01:07:16 I have Nick and Audrey Spitzon the phone for you.
1522 01:07:18 -Huh?-Nick and Audrey Spitz.
1523 01:07:22 Where are you?
1524 01:07:23 We are on our wayto Quince's villa right now.
1525 01:07:27 Oh, okay. [chuckles]
1526 01:07:29 I'm sorry, I wasn't preparedfor you to actually answer that.
1527 01:07:32 We are being framed right now.
1528 01:07:33 You meet us at the villa,we will reveal the killer.
1529 01:07:37 That kinda rhymed.
1530 01:07:39 Which is cool, I think.
1531 01:07:42 [exhales]
1532 01:07:43 [dramatic music playing]
1533 01:07:51 -[Audrey] Look at this place.-Let's go.
1534 01:07:53 -[Audrey] Oh, my God.-This is big.
1535 01:07:55 This is a big house.This is what they call rich people shit.
1536 01:07:59 [Audrey] Lord Cavendish is expecting us.
1537 01:08:01 Second floor, eighth door on the left.
1538 01:08:03 Yes, that's right.That's what he told us, yeah.
1539 01:08:05 Okay, so take a five-spotter.
1540 01:08:08 Your five euros is how much American-wise?
1541 01:08:11 Six American dollars.
1542 01:08:13 Oh, that's, uh... that's more than I--
1543 01:08:15 -Can I get a half a euro back---Oh, God. Please, Nick. Thank you.
1544 01:08:18 I didn't know they were ahead of uswith the money.
1545 01:08:20 -[Audrey] Second floor...-I got no bullets left,
1546 01:08:23 so we'll bluff 'emuntil Interpol gets here.
1547 01:08:25 [Audrey] Honey, you just gotta be careful.
1548 01:08:27 This guy has killed four people,that we know of.
1549 01:08:30 [Nick] Good news is, we know who did it.
1550 01:08:33 -Okay.-Hard part is over with.
1551 01:08:34 Okay.
1552 01:08:35 And...
1553 01:08:37 What's up, Dish?
1554 01:08:38 Stay still!I'll shoot you right in the six-pack!
1555 01:08:41 -You hear me, bitch?-Calm down, babe.
1556 01:08:43 Make a move! I dare you!
1557 01:08:45 I dare--
1558 01:08:46 Oh, my God!
1559 01:08:48 -He's dead.-He's dead.
1560 01:08:49 -Okay, he's dead.-Oh, my God.
1561 01:08:51 -What the hell?-Oh, God. Case reopened, babe.
1562 01:08:53 They must have poisoned his drink!
1563 01:08:55 -Nick!-And look at his face. It's--
1564 01:08:57 I mean, besides the foaming mouth,he still kinda looks good.
1565 01:09:01 What is with this man?
1566 01:09:03 We told the police. We called the police.We told 'em to come here.
1567 01:09:06 -Yes.-We've got to stop them.
1568 01:09:08 It's not like canceling a pizza, honey.You tell 'em to show up, they show up.
1569 01:09:11 If he's not the killer, who is the killer?
1570 01:09:13 And if we don't know who the killer isbefore they get here, we're screwed!
1571 01:09:16 Do you understand this?
1572 01:09:18 He's gotta be here in this house.
1573 01:09:19 This is gorgeous wallpaper.Is that fabric? Is this embossed?
1574 01:09:23 Sweetheart, you're losing it!You're making me nuts right now!
1575 01:09:26 No, I know. Hold on. Okay.
1576 01:09:28 All right, it's good.
1577 01:09:29 You all right? You breathing?
1578 01:09:31 -I have to breathe through this.-Look at me.
1579 01:09:33 -We gotta turn ourselves in.-Wait, what?
1580 01:09:36 They're all gonna show up.If we run, they're gonna shoot us.
1581 01:09:38 What do you mean?We're gonna just go to jail?
1582 01:09:40 It's better than getting shot, ain't it?
1583 01:09:43 I don't feel-- I don't feel good.
1584 01:09:45 -Babe.-Oh, God.
1585 01:09:46 It's an Italian prison.
1586 01:09:48 You know the food's gonna be incredible.
1587 01:09:49 We'll have meatballsand pesto sauce and all that.
1588 01:09:52 It's not co-ed, honey. All right?
1589 01:09:54 We're-- We're not gonna bein jail together.
1590 01:09:56 I know.
1591 01:09:57 Why did you lie to me?
1592 01:10:02 'Cause I was...
1593 01:10:03 I was, uh... I was embarrassed.
1594 01:10:06 With me?
1595 01:10:07 Why? I--
1596 01:10:09 I could've helped you figure that out.That's why we're together.
1597 01:10:12 I know.
1598 01:10:13 Remember when I couldn't paymy rent at the salon,
1599 01:10:16 and then you were like, "Oh, okay."You got that boot off my landlord's car.
1600 01:10:21 -That got me another week.-Yeah, I remember.
1601 01:10:23 Remember when your cholesterolwas through the roof?
1602 01:10:25 And then I made you eat egg whites?You hate egg whites.
1603 01:10:28 And I made you do it,and I did it with you.
1604 01:10:30 You helped me not miss yolks anymore.
1605 01:10:32 That's right. That's what we do.We do things together.
1606 01:10:35 So can we pleasejust figure this out, too?
1607 01:10:38 We just don't know who did it.
1608 01:10:40 But Nick, we know who didn't do it.
1609 01:10:42 -All right?-Right.
1610 01:10:44 So let's just go downstairsand act like we figured it out.
1611 01:10:48 If we're gonna do that, we gotta--we just gotta look confident.
1612 01:10:51 All right. If we're gonna look confident,we've gotta dress it.
1613 01:10:54 I already know what I wanna wear.
1614 01:10:56 What?
1615 01:11:00 [sirens wailing]
1616 01:11:11 [Nick] What's up, fools?
1617 01:11:12 Okay, we solved the case. Boom.
1618 01:11:15 Yo, yo! Where'd you get the clothes?It's a little much.
1619 01:11:18 Um...
1620 01:11:19 I found this beautiful dressin a random closet.
1621 01:11:22 -You're looking gorgeous, by the way.-Thanks, baby.
1622 01:11:25 -And he got this stunning tux...-Mm-hmm.
1623 01:11:28 ...off a...
1624 01:11:29 Oh, why candy-coat it?
1625 01:11:31 -A corpse.-Yeah.
1626 01:11:32 There's another corpse?
1627 01:11:33 Jeez! Sorry, yes.
1628 01:11:35 Upstairs, eighth door on the left.
1629 01:11:38 [Colonel]To whom does this dead corpse belong?
1630 01:11:40 Oh, yeah. You guys don't know.
1631 01:11:42 -Bad news, guys.-It's terrible.
1632 01:11:43 Cavendish is dead.
1633 01:11:44 [gasping]
1634 01:11:45 You stole the tux off Charlie's dead body?
1635 01:11:48 And it fits perfectly.Little tight in the crotch, to be honest.
1636 01:11:50 Just kidding. No, he's got me beat.He's got me beat.
1637 01:11:52 Wait. Where's Suzi?
1638 01:11:54 -She's dead.-Dead.
1639 01:11:56 -Oh!-Oh, my God!
1640 01:11:57 Y'all are like the miniatureManson Family!
1641 01:12:00 -No, no, no.-Nick and Audrey Spitz,
1642 01:12:01 -you are under arrest.-[Audrey] Listen.
1643 01:12:03 Ferme la bouche. Is that what it is?
1644 01:12:05 -Just give us a second. We got this.-We got this. Let's go.
1645 01:12:08 [Nick] Thank you.
1646 01:12:10 All right. Ladies and gentlemen,let's review the facts.
1647 01:12:13 [Nick] Malcolm Quince,
1648 01:12:14 he was the first to get murdered.
1649 01:12:16 We all assumed it was Tobey.
1650 01:12:18 -No, we all assumed you did it.-Mm-hmm.
1651 01:12:20 -Okay.-Yeah, but Tobey hated his father,
1652 01:12:23 and he stood to inheritbillions of dollars.
1653 01:12:26 -Until he caught some lead to the dome.-Mm-hmm.
1654 01:12:29 -Can you feel me, Raja?-Pew-pew-pew!
1655 01:12:31 -There it is.-And then,
1656 01:12:32 before Sergei was shot,he told us that the Colonel did it.
1657 01:12:36 He told you what?
1658 01:12:37 But we know you didn't do it, Colonel,because we saw you flossing your teeth
1659 01:12:40 when we were shimmyingby your window that night.
1660 01:12:42 You two were spying on me in my bathroom?
1661 01:12:45 Trust me, I did-- We saw a lot of shitthat night that I did not want to see.
1662 01:12:49 I mean, apologize ahead of time.We had to see you guys having sex.
1663 01:12:53 You, um...
1664 01:12:54 You... saw that?
1665 01:12:56 [Nick] Maharajah, some advice for you.
1666 01:12:57 Maybe grab the bottom and squeeze.
1667 01:13:01 Huh. Word.
1668 01:13:03 Anyway...
1669 01:13:04 French fries. Yes.
1670 01:13:05 Actually, Juan Carlos,you had nothing to do with this.
1671 01:13:07 You couldn't have had anythingto do with it
1672 01:13:09 because you were with uswhen Suzi got killed.
1673 01:13:12 -[Nick] So it wasn't you.-[Audrey] Mm-mm.
1674 01:13:14 -It wasn't you.-Mm-mm.
1675 01:13:15 -It wasn't you.-[Audrey] No.
1676 01:13:17 It wasn't you.
1677 01:13:18 Holy shit! Maybe we did do it.
1678 01:13:20 -What?-Did you?
1679 01:13:22 -Because listen---What did you just say to me?
1680 01:13:24 -I'm just messing around.-There it is.
1681 01:13:26 -And he's clapping.-Going to jail. Thanks, babe.
1682 01:13:28 I'm glad we finallyare all on the same page.
1683 01:13:31 Now, since the first murder occurredin French territorial waters,
1684 01:13:35 I will be taking you to Paristo be arraigned and tried.
1685 01:13:38 At least we're going to Paris.You always wanted to go.
1686 01:13:41 Honey, if you keep making jokesat a time like this,
1687 01:13:44 it's not gonna make this go away.
1688 01:13:45 [clears throat] Lucky for you, since 1977,
1689 01:13:48 there has been no death penaltyunder French law.
1690 01:13:52 [whispers] French law.
1691 01:13:53 [whispers] French law.
1692 01:13:54 The French law. Yeah.
1693 01:13:56 Surely, Inspector, you of all people
1694 01:13:58 are familiarwith the French inheritance law.
1695 01:14:01 Are you implying I have bastard children?
1696 01:14:04 Well, I wasn't.
1697 01:14:05 Because I do.
1698 01:14:06 I was surprised you knew about them.
1699 01:14:08 I love those little bastards. [chuckles]
1700 01:14:10 Okay. Anyway, um,the French law states that a man's estate
1701 01:14:14 must be divided equallyamongst his children.
1702 01:14:18 So it wouldn't matter what the will said.
1703 01:14:20 Straight up, Maharajah.
1704 01:14:22 The kids were gonna get the money,whether the old man married Suzi or not.
1705 01:14:26 Mm-hmm.But both of Malcolm's children are dead.
1706 01:14:29 -Both?-[Nick] Yes. Tobey,
1707 01:14:31 and the son he hadwith Madeleine LeBoutillier..
1708 01:14:34 That boy died at childbirth.
1709 01:14:36 Did he, Colonel?
1710 01:14:38 I spoke to my partner in New York City.
1711 01:14:40 I said, get the death certificatesfor Madeleine and the son.
1712 01:14:43 He could only find one for Madeleine.
1713 01:14:45 But then I started thinking,maybe there's no death certificate
1714 01:14:48 because there was no death.
1715 01:14:49 Nonsense. Malcolm desperately wanted a boyto sire the next generation of Quinces.
1716 01:14:54 He would never abandon a son.
1717 01:14:56 [stammering] But...
1718 01:14:58 what if it was a daughter?
1719 01:14:59 -Yes!-What if it was a daughter?
1720 01:15:00 The love of his life dies,
1721 01:15:02 dies giving birthto his unwanted daughter.
1722 01:15:04 -Yes!-It almost makes sense.
1723 01:15:07 -It does! It kinda does!-It makes total sense.
1724 01:15:09 He gave her away.
1725 01:15:11 Then where is she now?
1726 01:15:12 Well, she could be anywhere.She could have got married.
1727 01:15:15 She could've joined a gang,changed her name. Who knows? Carry on.
1728 01:15:18 -Changed her name.-Ah!
1729 01:15:19 -You changed your name.-[Nick] Yes.
1730 01:15:22 Your real last name isn't Ballard.
1731 01:15:24 So?
1732 01:15:25 Lots of artists change their names.
1733 01:15:27 Lady Gaga's real name isn't Lady Gaga.
1734 01:15:29 Yes, Lady Gaga. "Paparazzi," yes, good.
1735 01:15:32 But every Grace Ballard superfan knows
1736 01:15:35 your first movie was Summer Wetdown.
1737 01:15:37 You had three lines,and you went by your birth name,
1738 01:15:41 Grace Butler.
1739 01:15:43 Which, en français,roughly translates to LeBoutillier.
1740 01:15:46 Madeleine LeBoutillier, your mother.
1741 01:15:48 This is a joke.
1742 01:15:49 I wasn't even in the roomwhen Malcolm Quince was murdered.
1743 01:15:52 Fine! Then Tobey killed him,but he did it with a little help.
1744 01:15:55 [Audrey]The lights. You turned out the lights.
1745 01:15:58 [Nick] You convinced Tobey to kill Malcolmso you could split the money with him.
1746 01:16:03 [Audrey] And then you killed Tobeyso that you could just keep all of it.
1747 01:16:06 Then me and this girlstarted asking too many questions.
1748 01:16:09 So you had to get rid of us.
1749 01:16:14 [Nick] Luckily, not for him,but Sergei gets in the way.
1750 01:16:18 [Audrey] Then you seduce the Maharajah
1751 01:16:20 so that you would make us thinkyou were with him all night.
1752 01:16:23 Yo, you were just twizzlin'on my wizzle for an alibi.
1753 01:16:26 Girl, that's cold.
1754 01:16:27 You tried to kill us in the library.
1755 01:16:30 [Nick] You tried to kill us in the market,but you got Suzi instead.
1756 01:16:34 -And the weapon...-Hm!
1757 01:16:36 -I recognize the weapon now.-[Audrey] The dart?
1758 01:16:38 It was a movie. I watched it one night.You were out with your friends.
1759 01:16:41 You came back drunk and, uh...
1760 01:16:43 What the hell was it?
1761 01:16:44 Princess Blow Dart.
1762 01:16:46 [Audrey] Oh, God.
1763 01:16:47 That is not the name of a movie.
1764 01:16:48 It is! It is!
1765 01:16:49 Yo, look at my screensaver.
1766 01:16:51 -[Vik] That's her!-[Audrey] Oh, my gosh!
1767 01:16:53 So then you killed Charles
1768 01:16:55 because you knew he would never restuntil he found out who Suzi's killer was.
1769 01:17:00 [Nick] 'Cause he loved Suzi, not you!
1770 01:17:02 The three motives:
1771 01:17:03 money, love, revenge.
1772 01:17:05 You were the mastermind
1773 01:17:06 behind Malcolm Quince's murders,weren't you?
1774 01:17:09 -And you were the one who framed us.-You killed them all, didn't you?
1775 01:17:12 [Nick] Didn't you?
1776 01:17:13 My father was a monster.
1777 01:17:15 [gasps]
1778 01:17:17 So you admit it?
1779 01:17:19 Yes.
1780 01:17:20 I am the daughter of Malcolm Quinceand Madeleine LeBoutillier,
1781 01:17:24 and sole heir to the Quince fortune.
1782 01:17:27 Uh, and... what about the murders?
1783 01:17:31 Oh, I didn't do those.
1784 01:17:33 But it couldn't have happenedto a nicer group of people.
1785 01:17:37 [Delacroix] So...
1786 01:17:39 what other proof do you have?
1787 01:17:40 -Of what?-Proof of what?
1788 01:17:42 That she killed everybody?
1789 01:17:44 Yes.
1790 01:17:45 Aren't you gonna do anything at all?
1791 01:17:47 I mean, is there a French holidaywe're unaware of?
1792 01:17:49 What the hell do you do?
1793 01:17:50 Look...
1794 01:17:52 I don't knowhow you do things in Brooklyn,
1795 01:17:54 but here we need evidenceto make an arrest.
1796 01:17:57 This is nothow this is supposed to happen.
1797 01:17:59 The detective is supposed to explainthe murders, which we just did,
1798 01:18:03 and then the killer is supposed to crackand freak out under pressure and admit it!
1799 01:18:08 If there's nothing else,
1800 01:18:09 I'd like to start spending my money now.
1801 01:18:16 The hat. The hat! Uh, take off your hat.
1802 01:18:20 What?
1803 01:18:22 I said take off your hat.
1804 01:18:25 No.
1805 01:18:27 The Maharajah bought me this hat,and I quite like it.
1806 01:18:30 Nick hit the killer in the headwith a plate.
1807 01:18:33 And it left a mark, didn't it?
1808 01:18:35 Also,
1809 01:18:36 why on earth would you put a haton a freshly styled head of hair?
1810 01:18:41 How would you knowmy hair's been freshly styled?
1811 01:18:43 'Cause she's a goddamn hairdresser.
1812 01:18:47 Please remove your hat, Ms. Butler.
1813 01:18:49 I'll do nothing of the kind.
1814 01:18:53 [gasping]
1815 01:18:55 The butler did it. Grace Butler did it!Grace But-- Right?
1816 01:18:58 -I said it on the plane.-You had to do it!
1817 01:19:00 -[Grace] Stay back!-Jesus!
1818 01:19:02 Everybody!
1819 01:19:06 -Oh, my God!-Son of a bitch.
1820 01:19:08 -Wait! No, no.-Whoa!
1821 01:19:10 Nobody move!
1822 01:19:11 Nobody move, or I'll shoot her.
1823 01:19:12 Guns down. Baissez vos armes.
1824 01:19:16 -[grunts]-[Audrey screams]
1825 01:19:22 [Delacroix] Get an ambulance.
1826 01:19:24 Yo, I thought you saidhe was a terrible shot.
1827 01:19:26 Not when it comes to saving my woman.
1828 01:19:28 -I was aiming for her foot, by the way.-[gasps]
1829 01:19:32 All right. It's all right.
1830 01:19:34 [gentle accordion music playing]
1831 01:19:37 Thank you for stepping inand trying to stop her, Juan Carlos.
1832 01:19:40 That was so brave.
1833 01:19:41 De nada, señora.
1834 01:19:45 I love that. I love that he's braveand I'm, what, nothing?
1835 01:19:49 -Are you kidding? I said you were brave.-You didn't say it.
1836 01:19:51 I said so many times."Nick, you were so brave."
1837 01:19:54 [imitating Juan Carlos]De nada, señora. Halloween.
1838 01:19:58 Yo, I got a question.
1839 01:19:59 In the hotel in Monte Carlo,
1840 01:20:01 you said that you sawme and Grace together.
1841 01:20:03 -We heard you.-We heard you.
1842 01:20:05 We didn't like what we heard,but I'll tell--
1843 01:20:07 -I'm sorry.-I hope those are new pants, by the way.
1844 01:20:09 -[laughing]-Yeah, but...
1845 01:20:12 But the truth is,
1846 01:20:13 Grace and I were together in the bar
1847 01:20:15 an hour before we got to our room,
1848 01:20:17 so how could she have killed Sergei
1849 01:20:20 if she was with me?
1850 01:20:22 [tense music playing]
1851 01:20:24 Nick.
1852 01:20:25 Audrey.
1853 01:20:26 How did Juan Carlos understandmy English just now?
1854 01:20:42 [dramatic music playing]
1855 01:20:47 [Delacroix] Stop!
1856 01:20:48 [both grunting]
1857 01:20:55 No! No!
1858 01:20:57 [Juan] Don't come any closer!
1859 01:20:59 Aah! He speaks English!
1860 01:21:00 I've spoken English my whole life,you idiots,
1861 01:21:02 and a dozen other languages.
1862 01:21:04 And by the way, your Latin sucks.
1863 01:21:06 You understood it!
1864 01:21:08 Don't you even think about it, Colonel,or I will shoot your dick off.
1865 01:21:13 Put your hands up in the air, now.
1866 01:21:16 I am the one who told herto convince Tobey to kill his dad,
1867 01:21:19 destroy this sick family
1868 01:21:20 in the name of my father.
1869 01:21:26 Get into the car.
1870 01:21:28 [shouting in French]
1871 01:21:30 [Juan] Go in!
1872 01:21:31 -[policemen yell in Italian]-[Juan] Back off!
1873 01:21:35 I go fast.
1874 01:21:37 [engine starts]
1875 01:21:42 [Nick] Hey!
1876 01:21:45 [Nick] Look at that! A Ferrari!
1877 01:21:46 -What?-Testarossa!
1878 01:21:47 Magnum P.I.! Me, baby!
1879 01:21:49 I got the mustache!
1880 01:21:50 [all yelling]
1881 01:21:52 Nick, you forgot the gun!
1882 01:21:54 [Nick] This is incredible!This is a fantasy for everybody!
1883 01:21:57 [Audrey] How does it open?
1884 01:21:58 [Nick] Underneath! Pull! Pull! Come on!
1885 01:22:00 Oh, my God.
1886 01:22:03 What the--
1887 01:22:04 -Are you kidding me?-I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say!
1888 01:22:07 Go, go, go!
1889 01:22:09 ["Shoot to Thrill" by AC/DC playing]
1890 01:22:19 -Put your hands up. Hands up!-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1891 01:22:23 [Ferrari engine whines]
1892 01:22:25 [Nick] All I'm saying is,
1893 01:22:26 when the engine sounds likeyour sister's voice--
1894 01:22:29 irritating, high, and loud--you gotta switch gears.
1895 01:22:32 Ah.
1896 01:22:34 [engine roars]
1897 01:22:36 Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1898 01:22:39 -[exclaims]-[horn blares]
1899 01:22:42 [Nick] Yes!
1900 01:22:43 Look how nice you handle this thing!
1901 01:22:46 ♪ I'm gonna take you down ♪
1902 01:22:50 ♪ Down, down, down... ♪
1903 01:22:52 Hey! Hey!
1904 01:22:53 Hey!
1905 01:22:55 -Honey, he's right up there.-I see him.
1906 01:22:56 ♪ I'm gonna pull it, pull it ♪
1907 01:22:59 ♪ Pull the trigger ♪
1908 01:23:00 ♪ Shoot to thrill ♪
1909 01:23:02 ♪ Play to kill ♪
1910 01:23:04 -♪ Too many women... ♪-[Nick laughs]
1911 01:23:07 ♪ Shoot to thrill ♪
1912 01:23:09 ♪ Play to kill ♪
1913 01:23:10 ♪ I got my gun at the readyGonna fire at will, yeah ♪
1914 01:23:16 ♪ I'm like evil ♪
1915 01:23:18 ♪ I get under your skin... ♪
1916 01:23:20 Whoa!
1917 01:23:27 Again!
1918 01:23:30 Yeah! Baby, nice. Nice! Nice turn!
1919 01:23:33 [Nick] Look at you! Look at you!
1920 01:23:35 Keep going. Keep after him.Keep after him. Keep going.
1921 01:23:39 -Goat! Goat! Goat!-[yells]
1922 01:23:41 Holy cow!
1923 01:23:42 Do you have any ideahow gorgeous you look?
1924 01:23:45 Wait! Second goat! What the hell?
1925 01:23:47 -Do you not like goats or something?-I love them!
1926 01:23:52 [Audrey yells]
1927 01:23:53 [horn blares]
1928 01:23:55 [laughs]
1929 01:23:57 Idiots.
1930 01:24:03 [giggles]
1931 01:24:04 Oh, shit.
1932 01:24:06 [Nick groans]
1933 01:24:11 ♪ Shoot to thrill ♪
1934 01:24:13 ♪ Play to kill ♪
1935 01:24:14 ♪ Too many women with too many pills... ♪
1936 01:24:17 Keep going, baby. Go!Go! Go!
1937 01:24:19 Go!Go! Go!
1938 01:24:21 [gasps]
1939 01:24:24 -Holy shit!-Oh, God!
1940 01:24:29 -We gotta pit him, honey.-I gotta what him?
1941 01:24:31 What you do is you hit the back bumperand he'll just spin out.
1942 01:24:34 -I can't do that. I can't---You got this.
1943 01:24:35 I can't. He's a Formula 1 race car driver!
1944 01:24:39 Faster! Come on!
1945 01:24:40 -[Audrey whimpers]-This is our adventure.
1946 01:24:43 Go for it.
1947 01:24:45 I can do this. I love you. That was sweet.
1948 01:24:48 Okay, here we go.
1949 01:24:49 [engine revs]
1950 01:24:50 ♪ Shoot you ♪
1951 01:24:52 ♪ Shoot you ♪
1952 01:24:54 No!
1953 01:24:56 He didn't spin. He didn't spin.We just gotta take him out.
1954 01:24:58 -Take him out!-Here we go.
1955 01:25:00 Floor it! Floor it!
1956 01:25:02 [Nick grunts]
1957 01:25:03 [Nick] Oh!
1958 01:25:04 What?
1959 01:25:06 [both yelling]
1960 01:25:08 [both yelling]
1961 01:25:09 Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!Hit the brakes!
1962 01:25:13 [Juan screams]
1963 01:25:20 [gasps]
1964 01:25:21 Do you have any idea how cool you are?
1965 01:25:24 -Happy anniversary, baby!-Yeah.
1966 01:25:27 Oh!
1967 01:25:31 Oh, my God.
1968 01:25:32 -Okay.-Okay.
1969 01:25:34 -I'm gonna go get that guy out of the car.-Go get him.
1970 01:25:36 [both] I love you.
1971 01:25:37 -I love you.-Oh, my God.
1972 01:25:43 Let's go. Let's go.
1973 01:25:44 I got you. Come on.
1974 01:25:47 -All right.-[Delacroix groans]
1975 01:25:50 [yelps]
1976 01:25:52 [groans]
1977 01:25:53 [Juan] I'm so sick of you, cop!
1978 01:25:55 You should have never come here!
1979 01:25:56 You should have just stayed home,eating hot dogs,
1980 01:25:59 reading People magazine,and watching reality TV.
1981 01:26:03 -[brakes screeching]-[Audrey gasps]
1982 01:26:08 [Audrey] Baby.
1983 01:26:09 You know, that was our--That was our tour bus!
1984 01:26:11 [woman] No toilets, no Wi-Fi,and you're running over people?
1985 01:26:14 -Brittany's hogging the window seat!-I want to see the dead guy!
1986 01:26:18 Just sit down and shut up!I'm gonna take a picture!
1987 01:26:21 -All right. I love you.-Oh, my God, this guy--
1988 01:26:23 -We gotta ask 'em how they age ham.-I don't care!
1989 01:26:25 [Nick] Come on!
1990 01:26:26 ♪ Do you love me too... ♪
1991 01:26:29 [Delacroix] On behalf of Interpol,I thank you, Mrs. Spitz.
1992 01:26:33 You are as brilliant as you are beautiful.
1993 01:26:35 [Audrey] Oh, my gosh.Well, thank you for that.
1994 01:26:37 -[Delacroix] And Officer Spitz.-[Nick] I go, what? What?
1995 01:26:40 It seems you are quite the detectiveafter all.
1996 01:26:42 -[Audrey] You are!-With this girl, yes.
1997 01:26:44 Something I will be passing alongto your superiors in New York.
1998 01:26:47 That would be big.
1999 01:26:48 I have to tell you, I thinkthis entire experience was pretty great.
2000 01:26:51 -Incredible.-Yeah.
2001 01:26:52 Outside of the murders,it was on the money.
2002 01:26:55 Well, I hope the rest of your trip,which we have arranged for you,
2003 01:26:59 is more relaxing.
2004 01:27:00 -Bon voyage.-Well, thank you.
2005 01:27:01 You owe that to us,but thank you so much.
2006 01:27:04 You ever come to New York, you look us up.
2007 01:27:06 We'll pin, uh, a triple homicide on youor a kidnapping or something.
2008 01:27:10 [chuckles]
2009 01:27:11 -Thank you. Okay.-Thank you so much.
2010 01:27:13 Good to meet you. All right. Be safe.
2011 01:27:15 -Good anniversary, right?-Amazing anniversary.
2012 01:27:17 -Kind of-- Kind of a cool one.-Loved it!
2013 01:27:19 What did you get me, by the way,for a present?
2014 01:27:21 What? Oh, uh...
2015 01:27:22 I got you the Amazon gift card.
2016 01:27:24 -You did?-No, I didn't get you anything.
2017 01:27:26 [Nick laughs]-♪ You will see ♪
2018 01:27:28 ♪ Finally ♪
2019 01:27:29 ♪ You and me shall always be as one ♪
2020 01:27:34 ♪ See what happiness has done ♪
2021 01:27:39 ♪ We must be in love ♪
2022 01:27:44 ♪ We must be in love ♪
2023 01:28:00 ♪ I sigh ♪
2024 01:28:01 ♪ I don't know why ♪
2025 01:28:02 ♪ I sigh ♪
2026 01:28:03 ♪ Is it that I'm lonely for you? ♪
2027 01:28:09 ♪ Are you lonely for me too? ♪
2028 01:28:13 ♪ We must be in love ♪
2029 01:28:18 ♪ Let me tell you now ♪
2030 01:28:19 ♪ I miss your tender kiss ♪
2031 01:28:22 ♪ Your tender kiss is what I miss ♪
2032 01:28:24 ♪ I have a strange desire ♪
2033 01:28:29 ♪ For your lips of fire ♪
2034 01:28:33 ♪ We must be in love ♪
2035 01:28:39 ♪ Do you love me too... ♪
2036 01:28:42 [suspenseful instrumental music playing]
