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1 00:00:56 Hey, babe.So happy to see you!
2 00:00:58 Hi! I got your flowers.That was so sweet of you.
3 00:01:01 Of course.Well, I know you're finishing
4 00:01:03 your Global Healthpaper today
5 00:01:04 and you've been workingreally hard on it.
6 00:01:06 Well, I'm almost done,so, maybe
7 00:01:10 you want to come overand Netflix and chill and...
8 00:01:15 What?
9 00:01:16 You mean you want to fuck?
10 00:01:19 I did not say that!
11 00:01:21 Oh, my God!I know.
12 00:01:22 No! I was beingmore subtle than that!
13 00:01:24 I know. I'm sorry.
14 00:01:25 Yes, I am so down for that.
15 00:01:27 It's been likethree fucking days.
16 00:01:29 My balls areso blue right now,
17 00:01:32 like dark blue,Uh-oh.
18 00:01:33 Like almost black.
19 00:01:35 No, I'm fucking serious.Here, check it out.
20 00:01:37 I believe you.I believe you.
21 00:01:39 Okay.
22 00:01:40 I'll see youralmost-black balls later.
23 00:01:42 Cool, Steph.
24 00:01:44 Come over any time after 6:00.Okay, hun?
25 00:01:46 Okay. Dude,we are going to Netflix
26 00:01:48 and chill this shit so hard.
27 00:01:51 Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt!
28 00:01:54 Movember's over.
29 00:01:55 Time to shave the pornstache.
30 00:01:59 Sorry. Making a Murderer!
31 00:02:01 Narcos!
32 00:02:03 Stranger Things!
33 00:02:06 Black balls!
34 00:02:24 Anyways,Ned followed his dreams
35 00:02:26 and turned a run-downold printing press
36 00:02:28 into the industrypowerhouse
37 00:02:30 known todayas the Fleming Company.
38 00:02:32 Best boss in the world!
39 00:02:34 The Fleming Company!
40 00:02:36 We're talking
41 00:02:37 brochures forSteelcase furniture,
42 00:02:39 half the specialty jobsin Grand Rapids
43 00:02:41 and who could forgetthe Domino's Pizza circular?
44 00:02:48 But before all that...
45 00:02:50 Ned met a young MichiganWolverine, Barbara Welsh.
46 00:02:53 How did thisolder guy get me?
47 00:02:55 Ned took her on their first dateto see his favorite band...
48 00:02:58 Kiss!Kiss!
49 00:03:02 My favorite band, too!
50 00:03:03 Rock and roll!
51 00:03:05 A few years later,
52 00:03:06 the stork broughtmy sister, Stephanie.
53 00:03:08 Aw!
54 00:03:10 She's so cute.
55 00:03:13 They weren't close at all.
56 00:03:15 Oh, dropping her off at school.Yeah.
57 00:03:17 Then came me, Scotty F.
58 00:03:20 Did we have another child?
59 00:03:21 I forgot about that second baby.Oh, we had another child.
60 00:03:23 Anyways, Big Cheese.
61 00:03:26 I'm sorry, guys.
62 00:03:27 I promised myselfI wasn't gonna do this.
63 00:03:30 Aw...
64 00:03:31 But I love you, Dad.Happy Birthday.
65 00:03:33 Way to go, Scotty!
66 00:03:34 I love you, too, buddy.
67 00:03:35 Thank you. Wow!
68 00:03:37 That was fantastic.
69 00:03:40 We've gotone last surprise for you.
70 00:03:41 That's right.Ladies and gentlemen,
71 00:03:43 live from her dorm roomat Stanford...
72 00:03:44 it's my sister, Stephanie!
73 00:03:49 Hi, everyone!Hey, honey!
74 00:03:51 Hey, Steph!Hey, it's Kevin!
75 00:03:53 Hi, Kevin!Kevin.
76 00:03:55 Can we see?Sorry.
77 00:03:57 Hi, Momma.Hi!
78 00:03:59 Hi, Dad.
79 00:04:00 The birthday boy.
80 00:04:01 Hey, honey.
81 00:04:03 You guys look likeyou're having so much fun.
82 00:04:05 And I wish I couldbe there with you.
83 00:04:06 She's so sweet.
84 00:04:08 Yeah.Get out.
85 00:04:09 Yeah, I just wanted to say,Dad, that I love you.
86 00:04:12 I love you, too, honey.
87 00:04:13 I love you more.No, you don't.
88 00:04:15 Love you to the moonand back.
89 00:04:16 I'll let you win this round.Okay, Pops?
90 00:04:19 Even though you're now like...
91 00:04:22 ...ancient.
92 00:04:23 You are still...
93 00:04:25 What are you doing here?
94 00:04:26 You asked meto come over.
95 00:04:28 You're early.I said after 6:00.
96 00:04:29 All right.Give me a sec,
97 00:04:30 - I'm on the phone.- Got it.
98 00:04:32 Sorry.It's just my friend. Anyway.
99 00:04:33 Happy birthday to you
100 00:04:36 Oh, my goodness.
101 00:04:39 Oh, Laird, what are you...
102 00:04:40 Go finish your call.
103 00:04:41 I'm just getting readyto Netflix and chill, baby.
104 00:04:43 No, not now, Laird.Oh, my goodness.
105 00:04:44 Kimmy Schmidt!
106 00:04:46 Pull up your pants.Marco Polo.
107 00:04:47 Oh, my God!
108 00:04:50 How do you make it stop?
109 00:04:51 Whoa, whoa, Mom,you just took a screenshot.
110 00:04:53 Happy, happy birthdayHappy, happy birthday
111 00:04:55 Kevin, help her out. Kevin.
112 00:04:56 Happy birthday, happy birthday
113 00:05:09 Mi oh my,it's a wonderful life
114 00:05:13 It's a wonderful lifewith you by my side
115 00:05:18 Mi oh my,it's a wonderful life
116 00:05:22 It's a wonderful lifewith you by my side
117 00:05:27 Hey, there he is.Happy birthday, Big Cheese.
118 00:05:28 Thanks, Jim.
119 00:05:31 Jerry.Hey, Ned.
120 00:05:32 Fun dinner last night.Hey, Jerry.
121 00:05:33 Thanks. Lou.
122 00:05:35 Hey, Cheese,can I have a minute?
123 00:05:36 Sure. Good morning, Joyce.
124 00:05:38 Great party.
125 00:05:40 Hold all his calls.
126 00:05:44 You gottabe kidding me.
127 00:05:45 Big Lots isbailing out on us?
128 00:05:47 We've had that accountsince '06.
129 00:05:49 They're moving all theirprint work to China.
130 00:05:51 Oh, God.
131 00:05:52 Cheese, we're already gettingpummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free
132 00:05:55 and the rest of thosedot-coms.
133 00:05:57 And at this rate,we'll be Chapter 11 by March.
134 00:05:59 What aboutDick's Sporting Goods?
135 00:06:01 Well, I mean, I'm stilltrading calls with my guy.
136 00:06:04 But, Ned,can I be honest with you?
137 00:06:06 I can't keep thisfrom Patty much longer.
138 00:06:08 Lou, haven't Ikept us going?
139 00:06:11 Yeah. I mean,it's what you do.
140 00:06:13 I just need a littlemore time. That's all.
141 00:06:16 You are the maestro.
142 00:06:18 Maybe you'll pull offa Christmas miracle.
143 00:06:21 Yeah.Yeah.
144 00:06:23 By the way, good job keepingthat game face last night.
145 00:06:26 Oh. Thanks.
146 00:06:27 That was someshindig, man.
147 00:06:28 Yeah, it was fun.
148 00:06:29 Well, till the kidhad his farter
149 00:06:31 all over the screenin 3-D.
150 00:06:32 I was like, "Whoa!
151 00:06:34 "That's a lot, man."
152 00:06:35 And get this...
153 00:06:36 Stephanie now wants usto fly out...
154 00:06:38 to meet the man behind thecrack over the holidays.
155 00:06:41 With everythingthat's going on here,
156 00:06:42 that's the last thingI want to do.
157 00:06:44 Well, hold on now.
158 00:06:45 This is the firstserious boyfriend?
159 00:06:47 Yeah. Apparently.
160 00:06:50 I mean, it's so strange.
161 00:06:52 I mean, Stephanie and Ihave always been so close.
162 00:06:56 And yet she has never evenmentioned this guy.
163 00:06:59 That's the wayit goes, Cheese.
164 00:07:00 I thought I knew everythingabout Lou Junior,
165 00:07:03 when he was downat Ohio State.
166 00:07:04 Out of nowhere,
167 00:07:05 he comes dragging homethis Buckeye
168 00:07:07 that he's been datingfor over a year.
169 00:07:10 No.Yeah.
170 00:07:12 Nice girl, but still.She's so controlling.
171 00:07:15 I'm sorry.I don't mean it like that
172 00:07:17 because I don't know herthat well.
173 00:07:19 But I don't like her.
174 00:07:20 I don't.Lou.
175 00:07:21 It's just what happens,you know?
176 00:07:23 Lou, what is the pointof all this?
177 00:07:25 Go out there and meet him.
178 00:07:27 I know we going througha lot right now
179 00:07:29 but hell, Lou Junior is talkingabout getting married in May.
180 00:07:32 Married.
181 00:07:34 Once they're notunder your roof,
182 00:07:36 there's no tellingwhat they're into.
183 00:07:38 Oh, uh, that reminds me.
184 00:07:39 He does want youto speak at the wedding
185 00:07:41 and say some kind words.Oh.
186 00:07:43 I told him that I wouldtalk to you about it.
187 00:07:46 And they'd like to get marriedat your house in the backyard.
188 00:07:49 Well...But anyway...
189 00:07:51 I'm just saying you might want toget out there and meet this kid.
190 00:07:55 Because, I mean,you saw it.
191 00:07:56 You saw it,he's a free spirit.
192 00:07:59 You mean...
193 00:08:01 You heard himcome into the room.
194 00:08:02 He came in there guns blazing.
195 00:08:04 He had that revved up energywhere he was like...
196 00:08:07 bow-bow-bow-bow.
197 00:08:09 He just wants to goand go and go...
198 00:08:11 and just morning,noon and night,
199 00:08:13 and "Stephanie, here I am.
200 00:08:15 "Stephanie, here I come.I'm coming again."
201 00:08:18 I remember being that age,don't you?
202 00:08:19 Just always ready.
203 00:08:29 Come on, it's lovely weather
204 00:08:31 For a sleigh ridetogether with you
205 00:08:34 Thanks for coming.
206 00:08:37 Oh, gosh,it is so gorgeous here.
207 00:08:40 I'm very excited that youguys are all out here.
208 00:08:43 We're very excited.
209 00:08:44 There's a few things thatI wanna tell you about Laird
210 00:08:46 that I didn't feel like getting intoover the phone because...
211 00:08:49 Watch, honey...
212 00:08:50 You missed our exit.
213 00:08:52 Actually,I missed it on purpose.
214 00:08:53 Laird and I thought,
215 00:08:55 it'd be better if we allstayed at his house.
216 00:08:57 His house?
217 00:08:58 When did this come up?Did you know about this?
218 00:09:00 Are you surehis parents have enough room?
219 00:09:04 I mean, he doesn'tlive with his parents.
220 00:09:05 Honey, we're not gonna becomfortable at some crash pad.
221 00:09:08 He lives by himself.It's not a crash pad,
222 00:09:10 but it's much nicerthan the Sheraton.
223 00:09:12 Nicer thanthe club floor?
224 00:09:14 I smooth-talked the manager.
225 00:09:15 We got a suiteat the regular rate.
226 00:09:17 What? That's whatI'm talking about, Big Cheese.
227 00:09:19 That is impressive.We have to turn back.
228 00:09:21 Free continental breakfast.Yes.
229 00:09:23 Mint on the pillow,turndown service,
230 00:09:24 all things availableat the Sheraton.
231 00:09:26 I mean, is your lovergoing to have that?
232 00:09:27 Your lover? Your lover?
233 00:09:30 We already all knowthat you've seen his penis.
234 00:09:32 What?Scott!
235 00:09:33 What?
236 00:09:38 Sleigh bells ringAre you listening
237 00:09:41 Well, this is cute.
238 00:09:43 Actually,this is the gatehouse.
239 00:09:45 Gatehouse?
240 00:09:46 A beautiful sightWe're happy tonight
241 00:09:50 What the heck?
242 00:09:51 Is thata facial recognition scanner?
243 00:09:54 Mmm-hmm.
244 00:09:55 That's so cool.
245 00:09:57 Gone away is the bluebirdHere to stay is the new bird
246 00:10:02 The hedge is moving.
247 00:10:04 He sings a love songAs we go along
248 00:10:08 Walking in a winter wonderland
249 00:10:10 Honey, who exactlyare you dating?
250 00:10:14 Laird started this companycalled Guerrilla Gang.
251 00:10:16 You play Ape Assassins,right?
252 00:10:17 Are you kidding me?
253 00:10:18 Yeah, that was my jamin the eighth grade.
254 00:10:20 Great, that's him.
255 00:10:21 So, he makes video games?
256 00:10:23 - Apps, Dad.- This is it!
257 00:10:25 This is his house?Mmm-hmm.
258 00:10:27 Are you sure this isn'tan Apple Store or something?
259 00:10:29 Oh, my God.
260 00:10:30 What is up, you gang?
261 00:10:32 I know!
262 00:10:33 The Flemings are here.You have arrived!
263 00:10:35 Hi, buddy. Hi.
264 00:10:38 Hello, sweetheart.
265 00:10:40 Don't touch anything.How was traffic?
266 00:10:42 It was okay.Hi, they're here!
267 00:10:43 Hello.
268 00:10:44 Hello to you, Ned Fleming.
269 00:10:47 Barbara.Yes.
270 00:10:48 You are perfect.
271 00:10:51 Well, thank you.Oh, my God.
272 00:10:53 And this must be the main man.Scotty, huh?
273 00:10:55 Yup.All right. Hey.
274 00:10:57 - Who are you?- Gustav.
275 00:10:59 I am Gustav. Yes.
276 00:11:01 I never knowhow to describe you.
277 00:11:03 Um, well, estate manageris cool, Stephy, yes.
278 00:11:06 That works.
279 00:11:07 I used to runthe Four Seasons group in Asia
280 00:11:10 but after some point,you know,
281 00:11:11 the corporate life becomesa bit of a snooze-fest.
282 00:11:13 You know, "Tiffany's this,Cartier that."
283 00:11:15 But, you know. Just dot,dot, dot. Enough already.
284 00:11:17 You know what I'mtalking about, Ned.
285 00:11:19 Oh, yeah. Sure.
286 00:11:20 Boring.
287 00:11:22 Where's Laird?Laird is upstairs.
288 00:11:23 He is just finishinga teleconference.
289 00:11:25 He'll be right out.
290 00:11:26 Oh, okay.Why don't we go up then?
291 00:11:28 Laird, I'm Ned.
292 00:11:29 No, no, no.
293 00:11:30 No, this is Randy.That's not Laird.
294 00:11:31 He's our intern.
295 00:11:32 Just graduatedsumma cum laude at MIT.
296 00:11:36 So Randy, shake a leg.Get their luggages.
297 00:11:38 Yes, sir.
298 00:11:39 The motherfucking Flemingsare in the house!
299 00:11:43 Yes!
300 00:11:44 This is fucking awesome!
301 00:11:47 Get up here.I'm so psyched to meet you.
302 00:11:49 Family, baby.Fuck yeah!
303 00:11:53 Oh, my God.
304 00:11:55 Scotty.
305 00:11:56 Yes, my brotha!Welcome.
306 00:11:59 Hey, Barb.Hi.
307 00:12:02 Oh.
308 00:12:04 Welcome.
309 00:12:06 Hey, Ned. All right.
310 00:12:08 Oh, yes.
311 00:12:10 Yes.Yes.
312 00:12:12 Yes.So glad you're here.
313 00:12:13 Yes.Hey. Hi.
314 00:12:15 Hey, baby.Hi.
315 00:12:17 I fucking missed you.
316 00:12:19 Why aren't you wearing a shirton your body?
317 00:12:21 Oh.
318 00:12:22 Don't worry about that.I have a little surprise.
319 00:12:24 Let's stay half an hour andthen we go back to the hotel.
320 00:12:27 That's a good plan.Thank you.
321 00:12:29 Dad, come on.This place is so sick.
322 00:12:30 Yeah, it's sick.25 minutes.
323 00:12:32 That's it.
324 00:12:37 Hey! Just leave her alone.
325 00:12:40 Hey, oh, Ned. Ned.
326 00:12:41 Ned, would you look at that.
327 00:12:44 That's your face, Sis.Oh.
328 00:12:46 Very good likeness.
329 00:12:47 Oh, thanks. Yeah.
330 00:12:48 The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like,a week after we met, right?
331 00:12:51 One week. You know,right on my heart.
332 00:12:53 Great. Okay, do you guyswant to go see the house?
333 00:12:55 Uh...We probably should...
334 00:12:56 We came to stop and say hey.Yeah. We should go.
335 00:12:58 Actually, no.
336 00:13:00 No. Before we go, um...
337 00:13:02 I have a little surprisefor everybody.
338 00:13:04 Shit.I'm fucking nervous.
339 00:13:06 Do you want toconsult me about it?
340 00:13:08 You want to talk to mebefore you...
341 00:13:09 You know what? No, I'm justjumpin' in. All right?
342 00:13:11 I'm just going to do this.
343 00:13:12 Laird, it's going to befucking great.
344 00:13:14 Ta-da!
345 00:13:16 Oh, my God.
346 00:13:18 I just got it donethis morning
347 00:13:20 Yeah.I bet it's red, huh?
348 00:13:22 I need a little feedback.
349 00:13:23 Is that our Christmas card?Yes.
350 00:13:25 Yeah! That's exactly whatI used. How'd you know?
351 00:13:28 Look, he even gotNoodle in there.
352 00:13:29 Hurt like balls.
353 00:13:30 Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays"and everything.
354 00:13:34 What?
355 00:13:35 Get the fuck out of here.Okay.
356 00:13:37 It says "Happy Holidays?"
357 00:13:39 Barb, fuck you.
358 00:13:40 God damn.
359 00:13:41 I gave the guythe Christmas card.
360 00:13:43 I didn't know he put"Happy Holidays" on there.
361 00:13:45 Wow.Fuck.
362 00:13:46 Guess it's stuck on there,huh?
363 00:13:48 Oops.Fuck.
364 00:13:50 Well, you know,you guys were coming over...
365 00:13:52 I was so excited, I just hadto do something, you know?
366 00:13:55 Well, that is something,all right.
367 00:13:57 You know what? Sometimes, youjust got to say, "Fuck it."
368 00:14:00 Fuck it!
369 00:14:01 You should...Laird,
370 00:14:03 this is a 15-year-old child.
371 00:14:05 So, we don't really...
372 00:14:06 Oh, shit.
373 00:14:08 - You don't say fuck?- No, Mom, I...
374 00:14:10 Heck yeah, I cuss.
375 00:14:11 No, you don't.
376 00:14:13 You do?Yeah.
377 00:14:14 Oh, he cusses.No, you don't.
378 00:14:15 Yeah, bro, what's yourfavorite cuss word?
379 00:14:17 Oh, boy.
380 00:14:18 Don't egg him on like that.
381 00:14:19 What's your favorite?
382 00:14:21 - Uh...- Hmm.
383 00:14:24 Titties.
384 00:14:25 Titties? Titties.
385 00:14:27 Stop it. Stop that.
386 00:14:28 Titties? Classic.
387 00:14:29 Okay. We should be going.
388 00:14:32 Nice one. What else you got?Asshole.
389 00:14:33 Asshole.All right. That's enough.
390 00:14:35 Okay. Another good body part.
391 00:14:36 What else?Dicking. Double dicking.
392 00:14:38 Double dicking.Okay.
393 00:14:39 Wait. Hold on.Double dicking?
394 00:14:41 Are you happy?That's a new one on me, bro.
395 00:14:42 What the fuck is that?
396 00:14:43 What the hell is that?Is that like dick to dick?
397 00:14:46 Okay! Good night!We're going to the hotel.
398 00:14:49 This kid is nastyand I fucking like it.
399 00:14:52 Yeah.Yes!
400 00:14:54 All right, let's do the tour.
401 00:14:56 I'll show you around!All right?
402 00:14:57 Just throw your shit anywhere.
403 00:14:58 You little double-dicker,come on.
404 00:15:00 Throw your stuff anywhere.
405 00:15:01 By the way,I'm a huge fan.
406 00:15:02 I'm part ofthe online Ape Army.
407 00:15:03 Awesome.
408 00:15:04 You know, this is what I was tryingto tell you guys in the car.
409 00:15:07 This is okay here?
410 00:15:09 Do you want totake your coat off?
411 00:15:11 Uh, no.Nope. I'm fine.
412 00:15:13 Come on, guys.
413 00:15:15 All right,so this here's the kitch.
414 00:15:16 This is wherewe keep the food.
415 00:15:18 The dining room.
416 00:15:19 That's a sculptureof a couple people fucking.
417 00:15:22 Painting of a fat squirrel.
418 00:15:24 And this one's called"Triple Team,"
419 00:15:26 self-explanatory.
420 00:15:28 All right. This is the den.
421 00:15:30 These dudes are justtesting out video games.
422 00:15:34 Ned, Stephy says that you'repretty serious about your bowling,
423 00:15:38 so I hada couple lanes installed.
424 00:15:41 Oh, my God.
425 00:15:42 None of this was here?
426 00:15:43 No.
427 00:15:44 You said you were fixinga crack in the foundation.
428 00:15:47 Is that us?
429 00:15:49 Yeah, I got the images offyour league's Facebook page.
430 00:15:52 That's so insane.
431 00:15:53 Dad, look, he even got inyour signature "crotch chop."
432 00:15:56 Oh, yeah.
433 00:15:58 Wow.
434 00:15:59 All right, this here iswhere we develop a few apps
435 00:16:01 for the Apple andAndroid platforms.
436 00:16:03 Hey, gang,say hi to the Flemings.
437 00:16:05 Hey, guys.Hey, what's up?
438 00:16:06 Wait, I don't understand.Do your employees live here?
439 00:16:09 Uh, maybe some of them do.I don't really know.
440 00:16:13 Gustav is actuallyan amazing architect.
441 00:16:15 We designedthis place together.
442 00:16:17 When did yougo to Machu Picchu?
443 00:16:19 Hun, when didyou put these up?
444 00:16:21 What the heck is that moose?
445 00:16:23 That's a Phillip Manfredi.
446 00:16:24 Great pick-up, Barb.
447 00:16:26 Stephy told me that you're this amazingart and photography professor.
448 00:16:29 - That's awesome.- Mmm-hmm.
449 00:16:31 I teach a couple of classesat a local community college.
450 00:16:34 Don't be so modest, Mom.
451 00:16:36 You're an amazingphotographer.
452 00:16:38 Oh, that looks likea real dead moose.
453 00:16:41 Well, that's exactlywhat it is, Ned.
454 00:16:43 A dead moosesuspended in its own urine.
455 00:16:46 It's meant tosymbolize the way
456 00:16:48 that our culturehas imprisoned our minds.
457 00:16:52 Oh.
458 00:16:53 I got to tell you, Ned,
459 00:16:54 great art reallygets me aroused.
460 00:16:57 It's actuallya very strong aphrodisiac.
461 00:16:59 Laird.
462 00:17:00 Not that you need any help gettingturned on by that gorgeous woman.
463 00:17:03 Honey.
464 00:17:04 What? Your momis beautiful.
465 00:17:06 She is. She deservessome props for that.
466 00:17:08 Well, I'll take a complimentwherever I can get one.
467 00:17:11 Well, here's another one.You got a bangin' bod, too.
468 00:17:14 All right.
469 00:17:15 Hey, what's going on,everyone?
470 00:17:16 Richard Blais, everybody.
471 00:17:18 This is the maestroof molecular gastronomy.
472 00:17:22 Oh, my God.
473 00:17:23 That's that cute onefrom Top Chef.
474 00:17:26 Oh, he's the onewho goes, "Bam!"
475 00:17:27 No, that's Emeril.He's a fucking dick, that guy.
476 00:17:31 Dickie Blais what's up?
477 00:17:32 Yeah, so Laird thought it would be afun idea to do a pop-up restaurant
478 00:17:36 just in your honor tonight.
479 00:17:37 Did he?Yeah.
480 00:17:39 And I have herea little amuse-bouche.
481 00:17:41 So if anyone's looking fora little pre-dinner snack,
482 00:17:43 you can head on up here.
483 00:17:44 Count me in,'cause I'm famished.
484 00:17:46 All right.
485 00:17:47 There are so many surprises.
486 00:17:49 I know.
487 00:17:50 You're hungry, you've cometo the right place.
488 00:17:52 I've got surfand turf for you.
489 00:17:53 Steak and lobster.
490 00:17:54 Yum, yum.
491 00:17:57 My version of surf and turf,edible soil and plankton foam.
492 00:18:01 Dig in.Oh.
493 00:18:02 Wow, can't wait for dinner.
494 00:18:05 No.
495 00:18:07 Hey, so I thinkit's going great, right?
496 00:18:09 I think they've alreadyaccepted me.
497 00:18:11 I'm getting a little bitof a different vibe.
498 00:18:14 Oh, really?Like what?
499 00:18:16 Don't try so hard.
500 00:18:17 I'm not,what do you mean?
501 00:18:19 You put in a bowling alleyfor my dad
502 00:18:21 and you got a tattoo of myentire family on your back.
503 00:18:24 Oh.
504 00:18:25 Was the tattoo too much?
505 00:18:26 Yes.Fuck.
506 00:18:28 Shit, I knew it.
507 00:18:30 Yeah, Gustav saidthe same thing.
508 00:18:32 Okay, don't worry...
509 00:18:33 I won't get any more tattoosof them while they're here.
510 00:18:36 Thank you.Okay.
511 00:18:37 I love you.
512 00:18:39 I love you, too.
513 00:18:44 Okay.
514 00:18:46 Oh, one more thing, stopcalling them motherfuckers
515 00:18:48 and talking abouthow hot my mom is.
516 00:18:50 Well, she's sneaky sexy,took me by surprise.
517 00:18:53 Dude, she is a MILF,like a genuine MILF.
518 00:18:57 And if it wasn't your MILF,she'd be a MIWF...
519 00:19:00 a mother I would fuck.
520 00:19:02 Mmm-mmm.
521 00:19:03 But I won't.Okay.
522 00:19:06 Of course.Thank you.
523 00:19:13 All right, it's pretty.Yeah.
524 00:19:14 You know...
525 00:19:18 It's a lot.
526 00:19:19 Yes! I mean, the moose...Yes.
527 00:19:22 And the language.Come on!
528 00:19:24 Mmm-hmm.A real moose!
529 00:19:26 And he's coming onto your mother.That's not okay.
530 00:19:28 And the tattoo?
531 00:19:30 The tattoo! And how...
532 00:19:32 32Oh, my. And you're...
533 00:19:33 22.Yes!
534 00:19:35 You didn't like the muralof you and Scotty
535 00:19:37 down in the new bowling alley?
536 00:19:38 The bowling alleywith the mural is...
537 00:19:40 And the bowling alleyis regulation.
538 00:19:42 That's quite nice
539 00:19:44 and that's very rareto have something that nice.
540 00:19:47 And the polishthat he used was quite...
541 00:19:48 It was good. But...
542 00:19:49 I'm sorry.
543 00:19:54 I should have told you.
544 00:19:57 About everything, of course.
545 00:19:59 Honestly, I didn't know how toexplain him over the phone.
546 00:20:02 I just kept imagining...
547 00:20:04 Mom Googling Laird Mayhew
548 00:20:06 and you guysjumping to conclusions
549 00:20:08 before you even gota chance to know him.
550 00:20:11 Well, now we know him.
551 00:20:14 No, you don't.
552 00:20:15 You've been herefor 15 minutes.
553 00:20:18 Yeah.
554 00:20:20 Thank you.
555 00:20:23 I wouldn't have asked youto come out here
556 00:20:24 and miss Christmas in Michigan
557 00:20:26 for the first time ever,if he wasn't...
558 00:20:29 ...really important to me.
559 00:20:37 Hmm.
560 00:20:40 Okay.
561 00:20:43 You'll give him a chance?
562 00:20:45 Okay. Okay, thank you.Thank you.
563 00:20:48 Come here.
564 00:20:54 I love you.
565 00:20:55 I love you, too.
566 00:21:00 So if I did Google him,what would I find?
567 00:21:03 Don't do it.
568 00:21:04 Oh.
569 00:21:05 Just don't Google him.
570 00:21:06 Oh.
571 00:21:09 Well, I still don't see it.
572 00:21:12 Darling, this is the male,and he's thrusting.
573 00:21:15 Oh, God.
574 00:21:16 All right, everybody,dinner is served!
575 00:21:19 Scotty! Come on,grab a stump.
576 00:21:21 Dad, you wannago there? Mom.
577 00:21:24 You sure you don't wantto take off your coat?
578 00:21:25 No. I'm good.
579 00:21:26 We do it family style here,so everyone just dig in.
580 00:21:29 It's super cas.
581 00:21:30 Okay, so we have three dishesfor this evening.
582 00:21:33 We have sous-vide geoduck.
583 00:21:35 We have Mission-stylesea urchin burritos...
584 00:21:37 Yum.
585 00:21:38 ...with edible paper.
586 00:21:39 Because you're a printer.
587 00:21:41 And last but not least...Sweet.
588 00:21:43 ...we have smokedCalifornia bear.
589 00:21:46 Enjoy.
590 00:21:47 Oh, shit!
591 00:21:48 Thanks, Blais.
592 00:21:49 - Bear?- Mmm.
593 00:21:51 Yo, Scotty,you see The Revenant?
594 00:21:52 No, I wanted to,
595 00:21:54 but my parents don't reallylet me watch R-rated movies.
596 00:21:56 You're darn right we don't.He's only 15.
597 00:21:57 You want some paper?Yes, certainly. Thank you.
598 00:22:00 I don't knowwhat section that is.
599 00:22:02 Because that bearfucked that dude up!
600 00:22:04 Now we're gonnafuck this bear up.
601 00:22:05 Hey, what aboutthat language?
602 00:22:07 Oh, shit. Sorry.
603 00:22:08 Ah, I think I've gotthe arts section here.
604 00:22:12 You better slow down, Barb.
605 00:22:14 You're gonna be fullbefore you get to the funnies.
606 00:22:18 Ned.
607 00:22:24 So, um, how didyou two meet?
608 00:22:28 Uh, you want me to go?Yeah.
609 00:22:30 Okay.
610 00:22:31 Laird sponsoreda talk on campus
611 00:22:34 with Doctor Joanne Liu,
612 00:22:35 the head ofDoctors Without Borders.
613 00:22:37 Oh!
614 00:22:38 Melinda Gatesgot me totally pumped
615 00:22:40 about issuesin the developing world.
616 00:22:41 Now I'm obsessed.
617 00:22:43 Wow.
618 00:22:45 - That's Bill Gates' wife.- Yeah.
619 00:22:46 - She's great.- Yeah.
620 00:22:48 That's terrific.
621 00:22:49 That's Steph's field of interest, too,so that's great.
622 00:22:52 Yeah, I know.
623 00:22:53 Ned, you should'veseen her at the talk.
624 00:22:55 She asked the most intelligentquestion. I was blown away.
625 00:22:59 Really? What did I say?
626 00:23:01 You were like...
627 00:23:02 "Hey, what'sthe connection between
628 00:23:03 "women's healthand population density
629 00:23:06 "in indigenous communities?"
630 00:23:07 I was like,"Bam! Who's that?"
631 00:23:10 That's so sweet of youto remember that.
632 00:23:11 Of course I remember. Mmm...
633 00:23:13 - The first time I saw you.- That's our girl.
634 00:23:15 She's always been the smartestperson in the room.
635 00:23:17 So true.Yeah.
636 00:23:18 And the sexiest. My God.Well.
637 00:23:21 I couldn't keepmy eyes off her.
638 00:23:23 Her hair, and her eyes.
639 00:23:24 Very pretty eyes.
640 00:23:25 The way her spinegently arches
641 00:23:27 to meet the topof her tailbone.
642 00:23:29 I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there.You know what I mean?
643 00:23:31 No.You're taking it too far.
644 00:23:33 Quite the outdoorsman.
645 00:23:35 I just meanshe's got a great body.
646 00:23:37 Oh, well, yes.Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
647 00:23:38 She's a darling girl.
648 00:23:40 - Like you, Barb.- Great genes.
649 00:23:41 Okay.
650 00:23:42 Two fit women.
651 00:23:43 I'll have toagree with you there.
652 00:23:45 Ol' Slamming Bod Barb.
653 00:23:48 Two fit womenand two lucky dudes...
654 00:23:51 And one double-dicker.
655 00:23:55 Okay, well.
656 00:23:58 Laird, when did you graduatefrom Stanford?
657 00:24:01 Oh, I didn't goto Stanford, bro.
658 00:24:03 I hardly even graduatedfrom high school.
659 00:24:05 He's being modest.
660 00:24:07 He actuallystarted writing code
661 00:24:08 for Sun Microsystemswhen he was 13.
662 00:24:10 That's true.Wow, that's just like me.
663 00:24:12 I've been interningat the Fleming Company
664 00:24:14 since, what,the seventh grade?
665 00:24:15 Mm-hmm. Yup.
666 00:24:17 Future CEO,but you are going to college.
667 00:24:19 I know, Dad. I know. I know.Just like your sister.
668 00:24:21 So, Steph,weren't your surprised
669 00:24:23 that this big tech mogulwanted to date you?
670 00:24:28 He said he was somelow-level programmer at Uber.
671 00:24:31 I had no idea thathe sponsored the entire event.
672 00:24:33 So he lied to you.
673 00:24:35 Oh, Ned, I had to.
674 00:24:36 I mean there are so many golddiggers in Silicon Valley.
675 00:24:39 They just wanna fuck youfor your tech money.
676 00:24:41 Language, baby.You gotta be careful.
677 00:24:43 I didn't spill the beanstill April.
678 00:24:45 April? That'seight months ago. What?
679 00:24:48 Steph, over the phone,you said
680 00:24:50 you've only known each otherfor a couple of months.
681 00:24:51 It was super casual at first.No.
682 00:24:54 No, it was not.
683 00:24:55 We exchanged I love you'son the third date.
684 00:24:57 Remember? Right after we...The third date?
685 00:24:59 made love in the hot tubat Esalen in Big Sur?
686 00:25:00 No, no, no.
687 00:25:01 Where, what?Esalen in Big Sur.
688 00:25:03 Really?
689 00:25:04 Ned. Don't getthe wrong idea.
690 00:25:06 It was not sexual at all.It was so much more than that.
691 00:25:09 Okay, I'm sorry.I'm confused.
692 00:25:11 Did you haveintercourse or not?
693 00:25:12 Scotty, shut it.
694 00:25:13 Dad, I'm just trying toconnect the dots here.
695 00:25:15 Look. Yeah, we did.
696 00:25:16 But what I'm saying isI was transformed.
697 00:25:20 Stephy opened uplike a flower.
698 00:25:23 You should have seen it.
699 00:25:25 I shouldn't have seen it,but now I feel like I have.
700 00:25:28 I just wantyour parents to know
701 00:25:30 that you'reliving with someone
702 00:25:31 who's completelydevoted to you.
703 00:25:34 Wait a minute.What-ing with someone?
704 00:25:35 You say you're living together?Yeah.
705 00:25:37 No. We do not.
706 00:25:40 Okay, five nightsout of seven.
707 00:25:43 Your stuff is here.
708 00:25:45 You don't reallystay at the dorm.
709 00:25:48 Do you havea toothbrush here?
710 00:25:49 Yeah.That's cohabitating.
711 00:25:50 Scotty, stop talkingand eat your paper.
712 00:25:52 Dad,we do not live together.
713 00:25:54 Yeah, we're cohabitating.
714 00:26:01 "Opened up like a flower."
715 00:26:03 Honey, I'm looking atthe Esalen website right now
716 00:26:06 and there's nothingdirty about it.
717 00:26:08 You go up there for yogaclasses and things like that.
718 00:26:11 They've been practicallyliving together for a year.
719 00:26:14 Why didn't shejust tell us that?
720 00:26:16 Where the heck are the towels?
721 00:26:19 He's even affected Scotty.
722 00:26:22 What is a double dicking,for crying out loud?
723 00:26:27 Oh.Uh...
724 00:26:28 There she is.
725 00:26:29 Oh, my God.Oh, yeah. She's gonna...
726 00:26:31 She better explain whatthe heck is going on here.
727 00:26:33 All right,so be nice.
728 00:26:34 Be like, "Oh, my God.I love your boyfriend. He's so normal."
729 00:26:37 I'm good.
730 00:26:39 Hi.
731 00:26:41 Hi, uh...
732 00:26:44 I thought you'd be Stephanie.
733 00:26:46 Steph's super pooped.
734 00:26:47 We had a big fight because ofthe way I behaved at dinner.
735 00:26:50 Don't worry, we took a showertogether and worked it out.
736 00:26:53 But I snuck outto have a little check in.
737 00:26:56 Okay. Well...
738 00:27:05 Ned, would youcome join us?
739 00:27:08 I'm good here.
740 00:27:10 Oh, please.This is an Alaskan king.
741 00:27:13 There's so much room.
742 00:27:16 So much room.
743 00:27:18 It'd really meana lot to me. Please?
744 00:27:21 Okay.
745 00:27:23 Hey.
746 00:27:31 I owe you twoan apology.
747 00:27:34 When I get nervous
748 00:27:35 all kinds of crap comesflying out of my mouth
749 00:27:38 and I know that's nothow you guys roll.
750 00:27:40 No.
751 00:27:41 I was just tryingto make a good impression.
752 00:27:43 Yeah. Well, you did.It was...
753 00:27:45 I mean you didn't,but it's okay.
754 00:27:47 It was an awkward dinner.
755 00:27:50 It was a uniquesituation for...
756 00:27:52 Yeah, but let's alljust move on.
757 00:27:54 Okay. Great.
758 00:27:56 Truth be told,
759 00:27:57 I haven't spent a lot of timewith parental figures.
760 00:28:01 I don't know if you know this,but I never knew my father.
761 00:28:04 Yeah, he picked up my momin this bar in Oakland.
762 00:28:07 They had some sloppy car sex,and then never spoke again.
763 00:28:10 Yeah.
764 00:28:12 I'm not really closewith my mom, either.
765 00:28:15 To be frank, she's kind ofa motherfucking bitch.
766 00:28:20 If I had a nickelfor every time I...
767 00:28:23 Yeah.
768 00:28:24 We're sorry to hear that.
769 00:28:26 That's some tough stuff, pal.
770 00:28:28 Yup. That's...
771 00:28:30 That's...
772 00:28:31 All right. Well,it's getting late, so...
773 00:28:34 Yeah.
774 00:28:35 I'm in lovewith your daughter, dudes.
775 00:28:37 And I'm just sofucking psyched
776 00:28:38 to get to knowthe people that raised her.
777 00:28:40 Mmm-hmm.
778 00:28:42 And we're gonna do Christmasjust like you do at home.
779 00:28:45 Tomorrow night,
780 00:28:46 I'm gonna throw a partyin your honor.
781 00:28:49 Oh, you don't have togo to the trouble.
782 00:28:51 You don't... It's not.
783 00:28:52 We're gonna doall the holiday shit.
784 00:28:55 Okay. Hmm.All the shit.
785 00:28:57 Ned, I'd love someguy time with you.
786 00:29:00 So maybe we could take a walktomorrow morning?
787 00:29:03 Okay.Okay, cool.
788 00:29:04 Justine, will you set Nedan alarm for 6:30 a.m.?
789 00:29:07 You got it, Laird.
790 00:29:08 Ned, an alarm's been set foryou for 6:30 en la mañana.
791 00:29:12 What? Who is that?
792 00:29:15 That's Justine.
793 00:29:17 Yeah, she's like Siri,but awesome.
794 00:29:20 I got that chick fromThe Big Bang Theory,
795 00:29:22 Kaley Cuoco,to do the voice.
796 00:29:23 J, say hi.
797 00:29:24 Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb.How are you guys?
798 00:29:29 - Hi.- Oh, my God.
799 00:29:30 Stephanie's told meso much about you.
800 00:29:31 Anything you need, I'm here.
801 00:29:33 - Okay.- Thank you.
802 00:29:34 She can't...Can she see us?
803 00:29:37 She says that she can't,but I think that she can.
804 00:29:41 What the fuckare you talking about?
805 00:29:43 You know I can't see them.
806 00:29:46 She's a perv.
807 00:29:47 Laird.
808 00:29:48 Anyway, I hope you two havea nice night's rest.
809 00:29:51 Yeah, have a good night.Great night.
810 00:29:53 Have a great night.Yeah.
811 00:29:56 My instinct is tohug you right now.
812 00:29:58 - Oh. No.- I don't think you...
813 00:30:00 That's okay.Oh.
814 00:30:01 Oh, my God.Barb.
815 00:30:03 Good night.
816 00:30:10 Peace.
817 00:30:23 Baby, I want to trim your...
818 00:30:26 Baby, I want to trim your...
819 00:30:29 Baby, I want to trim your...
820 00:30:32 Beautiful Christmas tree
821 00:30:35 I'm gonna bring alongmy hatchet
822 00:30:38 My beautiful Christmas balls
823 00:30:41 I'll sprinkle my snowupon your tree
824 00:30:44 And hang a mistletoeon your walls
825 00:30:48 Baby, I want to trim your...
826 00:30:50 Oh, beautiful Christmas tree
827 00:31:09 Barb? There'sno toilet paper.
828 00:31:11 Uh-oh.
829 00:31:12 Would you geta roll for me, please?
830 00:31:14 Papa make a poopie?
831 00:31:16 Yes. I made a poopie.
832 00:31:18 Did Daddy do a doo-doo?
833 00:31:19 Barb, just getthe toilet paper, please?
834 00:31:21 All right.Well, you sit tight.
835 00:31:23 I'm gonna go find you some TP.
836 00:31:25 Thank you.
837 00:31:28 Of course.
838 00:31:30 Mr. Playboy.
839 00:31:31 Unbelievable.
840 00:31:34 Who is that?
841 00:31:36 She's a bit of a Plain Jane.
842 00:31:38 Darling?Yeah. Yup.
843 00:31:40 Just, um, crack the doorand toss the roll, please.
844 00:31:42 It's gonna be a littlemore complicated than that.
845 00:31:46 Good morning, Ned.
846 00:31:48 It's Gustav.
847 00:31:49 Great.
848 00:31:50 As I've already told Barb,we are a paperless household.
849 00:31:54 Paperless? What?
850 00:31:57 It's a paperlesshouse, darling.
851 00:31:59 I got that.
852 00:32:00 But how am I supposed tocomplete my business?
853 00:32:04 Well, all Japanese toilets
854 00:32:06 have a very effectiveand pleasant cleaning spray.
855 00:32:09 And I will be very happy
856 00:32:10 to walk you through the entire process.Oh, God.
857 00:32:12 Ned, please locate thecontrol panel to your left.
858 00:32:16 Okay, I see it.
859 00:32:18 Now on thatcontrol panel is a button
860 00:32:20 that shows an imageof water spraying up.
861 00:32:23 Okay. And I just push it?
862 00:32:25 Just press it, yes.
863 00:32:30 Was that cologne?
864 00:32:32 Oh!Cologne? Oh, yes!
865 00:32:33 That is a designer-scentedtalcum powder.
866 00:32:36 But that button shouldnot have activated that.
867 00:32:39 Ned, that is what is called BigPony for Men by the Ralph Lauren.
868 00:32:42 I'm excited to try.
869 00:32:43 Can we please just continue?All right.
870 00:32:47 Ned?Yes.
871 00:32:48 I would like to apologizesincerely again.
872 00:32:50 This is the 2018 modelthat you are on right now,
873 00:32:54 so they have not yet made
874 00:32:55 an instruction manualin English yet.
875 00:32:57 So I'm going to take careof this on my end, all right?
876 00:33:01 So Ned, you focus onyour end in there
877 00:33:03 and I will focuson your end out here.
878 00:33:07 That's too good.This is it.
879 00:33:08 This should do it, Ned.
880 00:33:10 Okay. Something's whirring.
881 00:33:12 Something's spinning aroundin there.
882 00:33:15 No! Turn it off!
883 00:33:17 Turn it off!Turn it off! Turn it off!
884 00:33:19 God!
885 00:33:20 Oh, scheisse!
886 00:33:21 We are having sometechnical difficulties.
887 00:33:24 That was the vaginal cleanse.
888 00:33:25 The what cleanse?
889 00:33:27 I just want a squareof toilet paper.
890 00:33:28 The vaginal cleanse.
891 00:33:30 Which I hear is refreshing
892 00:33:31 and apparentlyalso very stimulating.
893 00:33:34 Just saying.
894 00:33:41 Ned?
895 00:33:44 Really?
896 00:33:45 I'm so sorry, Ned...
897 00:33:46 but I'm going to have to manuallyreboot the system from the inside.
898 00:33:51 In here?
899 00:33:52 I am so sorry.
900 00:33:53 Fine.
901 00:33:57 Why not?
902 00:34:00 Barb, would youclose the door? Sorry.
903 00:34:02 It's gonna be great.
904 00:34:07 Ned, I am blinders.
905 00:34:09 I see nothing.I smell nothing.
906 00:34:12 The print is very small.Mm-hmm.
907 00:34:14 Okay, forgive me.
908 00:34:16 I can't see the instructions.
909 00:34:22 All right.What do we have here?
910 00:34:25 Hmm...
911 00:34:54 I had somestomach problems last night.
912 00:34:59 I think it was the bear.
913 00:35:01 I can guarantee you,it was the bear.
914 00:35:07 Turning on the fan.
915 00:35:09 Great. Wunderbar.
916 00:35:16 How'd it go?
917 00:35:18 I am so sorrythat it took so long.
918 00:35:20 Ned, I'm going to need youto be completely still
919 00:35:23 while we try tolock in your location.
920 00:35:25 I'm sitting on a toilet,that's pretty still.
921 00:35:28 Searching,searching, und searching.
922 00:35:30 And we have target achieved!
923 00:35:33 And sploosh!
924 00:35:34 Oh!
925 00:35:47 There you go, girls.
926 00:35:49 You raise chickens?
927 00:35:51 All free-range.
928 00:35:53 Cows, too.
929 00:35:54 Pigs, artisanal llamas.
930 00:35:56 Everything you eat here
931 00:35:58 comes from withina 500-yard radius.
932 00:36:00 I call it"lawn to table eating."
933 00:36:03 There she is.
934 00:36:04 Hey, Daisy.
935 00:36:07 Oh.Hi.
936 00:36:09 Go on, get.
937 00:36:12 So glad we'redoing this, Ned.
938 00:36:14 I feel like I know you after everythingthat Steph's told me about you,
939 00:36:17 but still not the same...
940 00:36:22 Do you submit?Fuck you!
941 00:36:24 Gustav!Ned, stay away!
942 00:36:27 You wanna fight?
943 00:36:32 Tap out!No!
944 00:36:33 You want to tap out.
945 00:36:37 Okay, okay! Fine!
946 00:36:39 Nice work!
947 00:36:40 And your reactionsare getting quicker.
948 00:36:42 Really?Absolutely.
949 00:36:43 Thanks.
950 00:36:44 I am so sorry, Ned. I justdidn't want you to get hurt.
951 00:36:46 Wait, so you just dothis Pink Panther thing?
952 00:36:51 Pink Panther?Pink Panther?
953 00:36:52 The Pink Pantherfrom the Pink Panther movies.
954 00:36:55 When Cato attacks InspectorClouseau to keep him sharp.
955 00:36:58 Are those really old?I never heard of it.
956 00:37:00 I'm not familiar, either,
957 00:37:01 but it soundsabsolutely charming.
958 00:37:04 Pink Panther.
959 00:37:06 The movies?Mm-hmm.
960 00:37:08 Cato is his assistant,his houseboy.
961 00:37:11 Houseboy?Well, it's...
962 00:37:13 That sounds racist.
963 00:37:16 He did call him "my littleyellow friend." But...
964 00:37:18 I'm sorry, you have tounderstand, Ned.
965 00:37:20 Laird is the CEOof a massive tech company.
966 00:37:22 I don't likebodyguards around
967 00:37:24 so I have Goose train me in caseI get kidnapped or whatever.
968 00:37:27 By the way, your Chun Kuk Domoves were very solid.
969 00:37:30 But what happened tothe evasive parkour?
970 00:37:32 Ah, evasive parkour.Yeah.
971 00:37:33 I totally fucking spaced!
972 00:37:35 There's alwaysroom to improve.
973 00:37:37 All right.Thanks, man.
974 00:37:38 You got it, brother.
975 00:37:39 All right, ciao for now,you friends.
976 00:37:41 And you guys havea lovely chat.
977 00:37:45 Ned, come on. I wannashow you my office.
978 00:37:48 You know, that's likeclassic Pink Panther.
979 00:37:52 - This is where you work, huh?- Yeah.
980 00:37:55 I have a den in the housewhere I do the financial stuff
981 00:37:58 but this is whereall the big ideas happen.
982 00:38:01 Don't you needa computer and...
983 00:38:03 Nah. My girl Justinerecords everything.
984 00:38:05 Right, J?
985 00:38:06 Yep, I'm here.Hey, Ned.
986 00:38:09 Hey, why don't you play backa blip from yesterday's session?
987 00:38:11 All right, hold on. Fuck. There'sso much shit up here in your Cloud.
988 00:38:14 Okay, okay got it.
989 00:38:15 Come on, idiot, think.Names for games. Um...
990 00:38:18 Ape Assassins Six:Capuchin Chaos.
991 00:38:21 Uh, Silverback Salsa.
992 00:38:24 Baboon Bukkake.
993 00:38:26 Fuck! Wow, that's awful!
994 00:38:27 Bad idea.
995 00:38:28 Why? Why's that?
996 00:38:30 Uh...
997 00:38:31 What does that mean?
998 00:38:32 Bukkake?
999 00:38:33 Oh, um...
1000 00:38:35 Just means a lot ofthings are happening
1001 00:38:37 and you're feelingoverwhelmed.
1002 00:38:38 Mm-hmm.Yeah.
1003 00:38:39 Yeah.I've felt bukkake before.
1004 00:38:41 Hmm...
1005 00:38:45 Grab a seat. Make yourselfcomf. Let's break it down.
1006 00:38:48 Just pop downright here on the floor.
1007 00:38:54 There you go.
1008 00:38:56 Ned, I think you andI have so much in common.
1009 00:39:01 We see something we wantand we just dive in
1010 00:39:04 and we take it.
1011 00:39:05 Know what I mean?
1012 00:39:07 Yeah.
1013 00:39:11 Which is why...
1014 00:39:13 ...on Christmas Day...
1015 00:39:15 I'm going to ask Stephyto marry me.
1016 00:39:27 And I knowhow tight you two are.
1017 00:39:30 Mm-hmm.
1018 00:39:31 So I'd really, really
1019 00:39:33 like your blessing.
1020 00:39:38 Uh, Laird.
1021 00:39:41 Really appreciateyou coming to me.
1022 00:39:42 'Course.
1023 00:39:43 But, uh, the answer's no.
1024 00:39:50 Dude, I'm so confused.
1025 00:39:52 What the fuck?What the hell?
1026 00:39:54 This went so much differently
1027 00:39:55 when I rehearsed itwith Gustav.
1028 00:39:57 Yeah. I asked youand you were like,
1029 00:39:59 "Yeah, dude. My son."
1030 00:40:01 Laird. Listen to me, okay.
1031 00:40:03 Beside the fact that I don't knowyou from a hole in the wall...
1032 00:40:07 Stephanie is just not readyfor this step in her life.
1033 00:40:11 Oh, I'm totally gettingthe signals that she is.
1034 00:40:14 I'm her father,I know her pretty well.
1035 00:40:17 Okay, all right.All right, Ned...
1036 00:40:19 Dude, I knowI sprung this on you.
1037 00:40:21 My bad. Okay?Let's just back it up.
1038 00:40:24 All right?All right.
1039 00:40:25 Why don't you give me a fewdays to win you over, okay?
1040 00:40:28 And by Christmas morning...
1041 00:40:30 I promise, you're going to becalling me "son."
1042 00:40:32 I'm gonna becalling you "Dad".
1043 00:40:34 Don't thinkthat's going to happen.
1044 00:40:35 I think it's gonna, Dad.
1045 00:40:39 Don't.
1046 00:40:41 Dad, come on.
1047 00:40:43 Don't call me "Dad."Don't call you "Dad"?
1048 00:40:44 I'm not your dad.
1049 00:40:45 I mean,you're gonna be my dad.
1050 00:40:47 No. No.
1051 00:40:49 What, Dad?
1052 00:40:53 Okay, now you'replaying with me.
1053 00:40:54 All right. Dad.
1054 00:40:58 Look, Laird.
1055 00:41:01 Why do you even careabout what I think?
1056 00:41:03 You're Stephanie's father.
1057 00:41:06 I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marryme unless I have your blessing.
1058 00:41:10 Okay.
1059 00:41:11 Justine, did you get that?
1060 00:41:12 Totes.Yeah, recorded every word.
1061 00:41:15 Totes. And totes is what?
1062 00:41:17 It means totally. But totally's kind of long,so "totes" is just easier.
1063 00:41:22 Okay. Good.
1064 00:41:23 Okay.Okay.
1065 00:41:24 All right, cool.Yeah.
1066 00:41:26 But you gottapromise me
1067 00:41:28 that you won't tell Stephanything about this.
1068 00:41:32 About any of this.
1069 00:41:33 Trust me, that is the lastthing in the world I will do.
1070 00:41:36 For reals, dude.I want it to be a surprise.
1071 00:41:39 No word. I won't say a word.
1072 00:41:40 Barb and Scotty, too.No clowning.
1073 00:41:43 No clowning.
1074 00:41:46 What?
1075 00:41:47 I'd just feel a lot betterabout this if we pinky swore.
1076 00:41:53 Oh.
1077 00:41:59 I see what you mean.Cool.
1078 00:42:01 Go get breakfast.Okay.
1079 00:42:05 Fuck!
1080 00:42:07 Sup, guys?
1081 00:42:08 - Hey, boss.- Mayhew!
1082 00:42:10 ...took a little longer
1083 00:42:12 Go into the schoolgonna run another banger
1084 00:42:16 The fuck?Come with me immediately.
1085 00:42:18 The hell is this room?
1086 00:42:20 Randy, get the fuck out.
1087 00:42:21 Yes, sir, Gustav.Mm-hmm.
1088 00:42:26 I am on the needles und pins.
1089 00:42:28 I need you to tell mehow it went right now
1090 00:42:30 or I'm going to burst.
1091 00:42:31 He said no!What? Okay, okay.
1092 00:42:33 But how did you respond?
1093 00:42:36 I was blindsided, man.I didn't know what to do.
1094 00:42:39 I challenged him.
1095 00:42:40 Okay.I started calling him Dad.
1096 00:42:43 Oy vey.The fuck, man!
1097 00:42:45 Why would you call him Dad?You're putting him at unease!
1098 00:42:50 You have to find a way in.
1099 00:42:52 You have to do somethingfor him that's truly special
1100 00:42:54 so that he knowsthat your intentions are pure.
1101 00:42:57 Dude, Goose, I don't knowhow to talk to the guy.
1102 00:42:59 It's like we speak two differentlanguages or something.
1103 00:43:01 You do.Yeah.
1104 00:43:02 He speaks English.
1105 00:43:03 And you speak English withresounding amounts of "fuck."
1106 00:43:07 All right, Stephanie's beenon my case, too.
1107 00:43:09 Yes.I got it.
1108 00:43:10 All right?Okay.
1109 00:43:11 Right.All right, man.
1110 00:43:12 Great.Great.
1111 00:43:13 You just fucking reallyhit me really hard.
1112 00:43:14 I know. I am sorry.
1113 00:43:16 It's just, Laird...
1114 00:43:19 ...your relationshipwith Miss Stephanie
1115 00:43:22 is very special.It's the real deal.
1116 00:43:24 Hey.Yes.
1117 00:43:25 Goose, I know I pay youa shit-ton of money,
1118 00:43:29 but you're my best friend.
1119 00:43:30 Our friendship is priceless.
1120 00:43:32 Hey. Thanks, brother.
1121 00:43:46 Okay.
1122 00:43:48 Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy.
1123 00:43:52 Fuck.
1124 00:43:55 Bro, you're incredible.
1125 00:43:56 That was very imaginative
1126 00:43:58 how you took thattender moment
1127 00:43:59 and used itas your pivot to attack.
1128 00:44:01 Yeah.Very good.
1129 00:44:06 What's up, Cheese?
1130 00:44:07 I'm about to go tothe football game.
1131 00:44:09 Lions, baby!
1132 00:44:10 Great. How's business?
1133 00:44:12 Tell me something good.
1134 00:44:13 Oh, uh...
1135 00:44:15 I talked to my guyover at Dick's Sporting Goods.
1136 00:44:17 Don't tell methey're going with China, too.
1137 00:44:18 Worse.
1138 00:44:20 Freaking online banner ads.
1139 00:44:22 No. Damn it.All right, listen.
1140 00:44:24 I'm gonna call Don Millis atSubaru of Southern Michigan.
1141 00:44:28 I heard a little rumor that they mightbe looking for a new dance partner.
1142 00:44:31 Yeah, Don,the big guy, right?
1143 00:44:33 You guys go backto your car selling days.
1144 00:44:35 Yeah. It's worth a shot.Listen...
1145 00:44:37 I need you to go inand pull his card
1146 00:44:38 from my rolodexwhile I look for a pen.
1147 00:44:40 You got it, Cheese.No, you got it.
1148 00:44:43 So how goes it in Cali?
1149 00:44:46 It feels like we've landedin The Twilight Zone.
1150 00:44:48 Did you find the card?
1151 00:44:51 Yeah. I got it right here.
1152 00:44:52 Just hang on.
1153 00:44:53 I have nothingto write with here.
1154 00:44:55 This whole house is paperless.
1155 00:44:57 Paperless?
1156 00:44:58 Well, how do youwipe your ass?
1157 00:44:59 You don't.
1158 00:45:00 They have these Japanesetoilets that...
1159 00:45:03 It's one of those littlesquat jobs, little squatter.
1160 00:45:06 No. Just... never mind.Just give me the number.
1161 00:45:08 Hey, Ned, I'm here.
1162 00:45:10 I can take it down for you.
1163 00:45:11 Justine, please just...I'm fine.
1164 00:45:14 Just go away.
1165 00:45:15 All right,I'm just trying to help.
1166 00:45:16 You don't have to besuch a dick.
1167 00:45:18 Whoa, whoa.Cheese, who is that?
1168 00:45:20 She's got a foul little mouth.
1169 00:45:21 Is that the kid's secretaryyou fighting with?
1170 00:45:23 No, no, no. That's the womanwho lives in the ceiling.
1171 00:45:25 Cheese, what she look like?
1172 00:45:26 The woman who lives...
1173 00:45:28 You say she livesin the ceiling?
1174 00:45:29 She's a disembodiedvoice that...
1175 00:45:32 Never mind.I'll explain later.
1176 00:45:33 The voice sounds sexy.
1177 00:45:35 Are they usingsomebody famous?
1178 00:45:36 I wouldn't say too famous.
1179 00:45:38 You know,million dollars a week,
1180 00:45:39 biggest show in the world,no big deal.
1181 00:45:41 Lou.She can hear me?
1182 00:45:42 Of course I can hear you.
1183 00:45:44 How you doin', baby?
1184 00:45:45 Better nowthat I'm talking with you.
1185 00:45:47 Just give me the number.I'm calling him now.
1186 00:45:54 Let's catch some waves.
1187 00:45:57 - Tsunami.- That guy's cool.
1188 00:45:58 Yeah, Goose is the best.
1189 00:46:00 Oh...
1190 00:46:06 Laird, I'm gonna behonest with you, buddy.
1191 00:46:07 Okay.
1192 00:46:08 Gorillas in board shortsis a fun touch.
1193 00:46:10 Yeah.I'll give you that.
1194 00:46:11 But when the only missionis to get to shore,
1195 00:46:13 I'm not feelingenough drama there.
1196 00:46:15 You know?
1197 00:46:17 You know what?You're so fucking right.
1198 00:46:19 Fuck!
1199 00:46:20 We've been developing thislimp dick for months.
1200 00:46:22 You come andyou play it for five minutes,
1201 00:46:24 you know exactlywhat's wrong with it.
1202 00:46:25 You're a sharp little fucker.You know that?
1203 00:46:28 Thank you.
1204 00:46:30 I mean, for real, man.I appreciate it.
1205 00:46:33 It's just niceto be listened to.
1206 00:46:35 What do you mean?
1207 00:46:36 I'm gonna be runningmy dad's business one day.
1208 00:46:38 Uh-huh.
1209 00:46:39 But he won't even listen to anyof my ideas about innovation.
1210 00:46:42 What?Right?
1211 00:46:44 You're next gen, dude.
1212 00:46:45 It's where all the new seeds come from.Everyone knows that.
1213 00:46:48 And I told him that.I was like...
1214 00:46:49 "Dad, if you're gonna unleashme to my full potentsh...
1215 00:46:51 "I need a seatat the table."
1216 00:46:53 He just won'tlisten to me.
1217 00:46:54 Um... Get that seat!
1218 00:46:55 I will get that seat.
1219 00:46:56 Gotta get that seat, Scotty.That's my seat.
1220 00:46:58 Nobody else touch it.No.
1221 00:47:00 Where is that seat?It's at the fucking table.
1222 00:47:02 And I'm gonnaget that seat at that table.
1223 00:47:05 You deservea fucking throne, dawg.
1224 00:47:07 Yeah, the Iron Throne.Iron Throne.
1225 00:47:08 Iron Throne.Game of Thrones over here!
1226 00:47:10 I'm breathing fire and grabbingtitties left and right.
1227 00:47:12 Fucking King Joffreyup in this.
1228 00:47:13 Those are my titties!
1229 00:47:14 You're the next in line.That's me.
1230 00:47:16 My man.
1231 00:47:21 Oh, God.
1232 00:47:23 They're payingyour student loans.
1233 00:47:28 Oh.
1234 00:47:40 Stamp Free Invites.
1235 00:47:49 Oh, man.
1236 00:47:54 Ho, ho, ho!
1237 00:47:58 Wow.
1238 00:47:59 Is that a horse?That is a llama.
1239 00:48:01 Oh, a llama.Hi.
1240 00:48:02 Hello.
1241 00:48:03 Oh, my goodness.Hey, girl.
1242 00:48:05 We don't have those in...
1243 00:48:07 Dad!
1244 00:48:08 There you are.This is insane!
1245 00:48:11 Oh, you working on the books?
1246 00:48:12 Uh, yeah, you know.Just the little stuff.
1247 00:48:16 I was thinking aboutLaird's Christmas party.
1248 00:48:18 Gustav gave me a previewof the guest list.
1249 00:48:20 And, Dad, it is a veritable"who's who"
1250 00:48:22 of Silicon Valleypower players.
1251 00:48:24 Tyson Modell is coming!
1252 00:48:26 Wait, who is he?What?
1253 00:48:28 He's the kidwho founded Ghostchat.
1254 00:48:29 Oh, right.
1255 00:48:30 He turned down three billiondollars from Facebook,
1256 00:48:31 and he's only24 years old.
1257 00:48:33 I'm gonna broker a sit-downbetween you two.
1258 00:48:36 Dad, thank you for telling meto pack a blazer.
1259 00:48:38 Now, should I throw on a tie orshould I keep it business casual?
1260 00:48:41 Scotty, just listen to me,all right?
1261 00:48:42 Most of theseInternet companies
1262 00:48:45 are built onsmoke and mirrors.
1263 00:48:47 What?
1264 00:48:48 Don't get sucked in.
1265 00:48:49 That whole industryis based on hooey.
1266 00:48:51 I'm gonna dropsome knowledge on you.
1267 00:48:54 Times are changing, Pops.
1268 00:48:55 And not everything you thinkis hooey is hooey.
1269 00:48:58 Wow. That's profound.
1270 00:49:01 Profound.
1271 00:49:03 And you...
1272 00:49:05 Hooey-meister himself.
1273 00:49:09 You're nothing but an octopus.
1274 00:49:11 An octopus.
1275 00:49:27 Merry fuckin' Christmas
1276 00:49:43 What are you pouring?
1277 00:49:44 We are doing a deconstructedeggnog tonight.
1278 00:49:46 Eggnog. Yes. Thank you.
1279 00:49:48 Where you from, boss?
1280 00:49:50 Michigan.
1281 00:49:51 Oh, Michigan.You in the car business?
1282 00:49:52 Uh, no. Printing.Ned Fleming.
1283 00:49:55 Elon Musk.Elon Musk?
1284 00:49:57 Yeah.Tesla, Elon Musk?
1285 00:49:58 Yeah.Wow.
1286 00:50:01 How do you know Laird?
1287 00:50:02 Uh...
1288 00:50:03 He's dating my daughter.
1289 00:50:06 Uh-oh.
1290 00:50:08 Nice talking to you.Yeah.
1291 00:50:09 What?
1292 00:50:12 Oh, hey! Hi, honey!
1293 00:50:14 Could I get a glassof white wine, please?
1294 00:50:18 Ooh, hiya, handsome.Hi!
1295 00:50:19 You look great.Oh, come on.
1296 00:50:21 No, you do.Thank you.
1297 00:50:23 I'm just getting inthe holiday spirit.
1298 00:50:26 So what were you talking toLaird about for so long?
1299 00:50:30 I got the entireMayhew family saga.
1300 00:50:32 Oh, God. I'm sorry.
1301 00:50:34 No, no, turns out it waspretty interesting actually.
1302 00:50:37 His mother was a secretary atone of these tech companies.
1303 00:50:40 Can I interest youin a Kobe beef slider?
1304 00:50:43 Ooh, yum.Real food?
1305 00:50:44 Yes, I'm starving.
1306 00:50:46 Wait, what?
1307 00:50:48 Oh, God.
1308 00:50:50 Ma'am? Kobe squirt?No, thanks.
1309 00:50:52 Thank you.
1310 00:50:54 It's actually pretty tasty.
1311 00:50:55 Anyway, she saw all theseyoung programmers getting rich.
1312 00:50:58 So she basicallyforced Laird
1313 00:51:01 to spend his entire childhoodinside, learning computers.
1314 00:51:06 I think that'skind of sad, right?
1315 00:51:19 He ate it.Hmm.
1316 00:51:22 He's an octopus.
1317 00:51:24 That kid iswrapping his tentacles
1318 00:51:26 around every memberof this family.
1319 00:51:28 He's manipulating you.
1320 00:51:29 Darling, we need to bring thisdown a notch.
1321 00:51:32 Okay? You think you'reat war with Laird.
1322 00:51:34 But he's not fighting.It's just you.
1323 00:51:37 Come on,let's go meet his friends.
1324 00:51:39 They look darling.
1325 00:51:40 Oh, God.
1326 00:51:42 Totally tanked porting thethin-client apps for the JDK build.
1327 00:51:45 The fuck? So you had torewrite all the code?
1328 00:51:46 Mm-hmm. By myself.
1329 00:51:48 But did you do it?Oh, you know I did!
1330 00:51:51 Hey, there they are!Hi.
1331 00:51:52 Looking like a babe.
1332 00:51:53 Look who's looking sharp.
1333 00:51:55 Okay!Hello!
1334 00:51:56 Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents,Mr. and Mrs. Fleming.
1335 00:51:58 Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please.
1336 00:52:01 So it was fucked up, man.
1337 00:52:02 It took me two weeks
1338 00:52:04 on the J2EE database...
1339 00:52:06 trying to get the interfaceto react with the server...
1340 00:52:08 so I can get the containersup and running again.
1341 00:52:10 I'm sorry.Tyson, what's a J2EE?
1342 00:52:15 Java 2 PlatformEnterprise Edition.
1343 00:52:17 Do you not write code?Sorry.
1344 00:52:18 This guy's the worst.Yeah.
1345 00:52:20 I'm actually more of a personalrelations kind of guy.
1346 00:52:22 Like account management, client services.That kind of stuff.
1347 00:52:25 Dude, this kid isfucking awesome.
1348 00:52:27 Yes, Ned is grooming Scottyto take over our family business.
1349 00:52:30 That's right.
1350 00:52:31 We own a printing businessin Michigan.
1351 00:52:33 Really?I'm sure you're familiar
1352 00:52:34 with those two siblingsover there
1353 00:52:36 since you'rein the printing business.
1354 00:52:38 Yo, brother-sister act!You gotta meet this guy.
1355 00:52:40 Hello!
1356 00:52:41 Hey! Blaineand Missy Pederman.
1357 00:52:43 Hi, I'm Barb Fleming.
1358 00:52:44 This is my husband.Ned.
1359 00:52:46 I'm Scott Fleming.Nice to meet you.
1360 00:52:49 I'm sorry, we were toldwe might know you,
1361 00:52:50 but I'm afraid we don't.
1362 00:52:52 Blaine and Missy startedStamp Free Invites.
1363 00:52:56 Oh, okay.
1364 00:52:58 Right.
1365 00:52:59 What's up?
1366 00:53:01 Did the server forgetto send a reminder
1367 00:53:02 for your birthday partyor something?
1368 00:53:04 No, he is actuallyin the printing business.
1369 00:53:08 Oh, shit.Whoops.
1370 00:53:09 No, no.
1371 00:53:10 We didn't put youout of business or anything?
1372 00:53:12 No.
1373 00:53:13 What? Ruin our business?No, no.
1374 00:53:15 We're doing quite well.Thank you.
1375 00:53:17 Oh, that's great!
1376 00:53:18 Good for you!Honestly, good for you.
1377 00:53:20 We love littlemom-and-pop printers.
1378 00:53:21 So inspirational.So important. Mm-hmm.
1379 00:53:24 My dad has more of a factory.
1380 00:53:25 Not to brag,but we're a pretty big shop.
1381 00:53:27 People need paper. They needsomething to write on.
1382 00:53:28 They love the feel of thatcard stock in their hands.
1383 00:53:30 Yeah.
1384 00:53:31 I've never heardanyone say that.
1385 00:53:33 Hmm. We have notfound that at all.
1386 00:53:36 Yeah. Nope.
1387 00:53:37 I think we come fromtwo different worlds.
1388 00:53:39 Yes, we do.
1389 00:53:40 You better start learning codepretty fucking fast, dude.
1390 00:53:43 Dude, Ned was crushing it
1391 00:53:45 since before you two were fightingover your mother's titties.
1392 00:53:48 Our momdidn't breastfeed us.
1393 00:53:49 Laird, you knowwe had a wet nurse.
1394 00:53:51 Oh, I can tell.
1395 00:53:53 Boy, I'll tell you,I don't know what's going on.
1396 00:53:55 I'm lost.
1397 00:53:56 I'm overwhelmed.Yeah! Me, too.
1398 00:53:57 There's bukkakefloating all around me.
1399 00:53:59 What?Hm?
1400 00:54:01 What's bukkake?
1401 00:54:02 Oh, Laird told me.
1402 00:54:03 It means whenyou're overwhelmed
1403 00:54:05 and you got too much going on.
1404 00:54:06 Oh, my gosh.Can't figure things out.
1405 00:54:08 Then, I'm drowning in bukkakeat this point.
1406 00:54:10 Okay, I'm gonna bereal with you guys.
1407 00:54:12 It means jizz on your face.
1408 00:54:14 I'm sorry?
1409 00:54:15 Bukkake meanscovered in jizz.
1410 00:54:17 Tons of jizz, ejaculate.
1411 00:54:18 Usually after a gangbang.
1412 00:54:20 Not as bad as it sounds.
1413 00:54:21 Yeah,post-gangbang.
1414 00:54:22 Or during. Dependsif someone finishes early.
1415 00:54:25 What the heck?
1416 00:54:27 I was trying toprotect you, dude.
1417 00:54:28 - Protect me?- Fucking Justine.
1418 00:54:30 You mean embarrass me?
1419 00:54:31 It was a reallysensitive conversation.
1420 00:54:32 I didn't wantto start talking
1421 00:54:33 about guys jerking offon each other.
1422 00:54:34 Why'd you tell meit was overwhelming?
1423 00:54:36 Justine brought it up!
1424 00:54:37 I hope this is an opportunetime to show a video.
1425 00:54:40 It's not.
1426 00:54:41 - Oh, God!- Yeah.
1427 00:54:42 Oh, and thisis a teaching moment.
1428 00:54:44 - Here's another.- Oh, my God.
1429 00:54:46 - No. Scotty.- Don't look at that.
1430 00:54:47 It's all good.You don't have to see this.
1431 00:54:49 Is that you?
1432 00:54:54 No.
1433 00:54:55 Oh, my God.
1434 00:55:06 We alive right now, now
1435 00:55:09 Let's get hot right now
1436 00:55:11 We don't give a damnabout money
1437 00:55:13 We alive right now
1438 00:55:15 All we do is party, party
1439 00:55:17 And get hot right now
1440 00:55:24 Are you okay?
1441 00:55:26 Yeah!
1442 00:55:29 Come on, Daddy.You're okay!
1443 00:55:30 Okay, I just need totake a breather. One...
1444 00:55:34 Do it again...
1445 00:55:35 Lost my mind,I'm a lose it again
1446 00:55:37 I love this kid.
1447 00:55:39 Oh, my God!
1448 00:55:41 Rage, rage the night away
1449 00:55:43 Forget about the moneyI spent today
1450 00:55:44 Rage, rage the night away
1451 00:55:46 DDT your ass.I love you, dawg.
1452 00:55:50 Forget about the moneyI spent today
1453 00:56:10 Hi, Pops.
1454 00:56:12 I just need some fresh air.Can I come?
1455 00:56:23 We've always been straightwith each other, haven't we?
1456 00:56:25 Yeah, of course.
1457 00:56:27 Okay, I need toask you a question.
1458 00:56:28 And I mean this honestly.
1459 00:56:29 Okay. What?
1460 00:56:31 You're scaring me.
1461 00:56:32 No. It's just...
1462 00:56:34 What?
1463 00:56:36 Why Laird?
1464 00:56:37 I mean, come on.Oh, my God.
1465 00:56:39 Why?Dad.
1466 00:56:41 You are so smartand you're beautiful.
1467 00:56:43 You could be dating anyone.Why?
1468 00:56:45 I don't get it.You want the truth?
1469 00:56:47 Yes.
1470 00:56:48 He kind of reminds me of you.
1471 00:56:52 What?
1472 00:56:54 Me?Yes.
1473 00:56:55 Okay, I need youto explain that one.
1474 00:56:57 How?
1475 00:56:58 You're both the most honestand authentic men that I know.
1476 00:57:01 It comes outin totally different ways.
1477 00:57:02 Oh, well...
1478 00:57:03 Laird has literally no filter.
1479 00:57:05 I don't know that to be true.Is that right?
1480 00:57:08 Okay.Sorry.
1481 00:57:09 Trying to help you out here.
1482 00:57:12 But I swear his heartis always in the right place.
1483 00:57:17 He's a very good guy.
1484 00:57:20 And I love him.
1485 00:57:26 You love him?
1486 00:57:33 What?
1487 00:57:35 I'm processing.
1488 00:57:37 We had the...Very funny, Dad.
1489 00:57:40 Okay. Okay.
1490 00:57:42 Just try to be cordial.
1491 00:57:44 I will. I'll try.
1492 00:57:45 Okay? I'll try.Try to what?
1493 00:57:47 I'll try to just...
1494 00:57:50 ...understandthat person better.
1495 00:57:57 Come here.
1496 00:58:09 Hey.
1497 00:58:12 Hi.
1498 00:58:13 Long night.What are you doing?
1499 00:58:18 Just chilling.
1500 00:58:20 Barb, is that my shirt?
1501 00:58:22 I don't know, is it?
1502 00:58:24 Want me to take it off?
1503 00:58:26 Would you, please?I only brought two dress shirts.
1504 00:58:29 I really don't feellike ironing
1505 00:58:30 while I'm on this trip.
1506 00:58:33 I'm so exhausted.
1507 00:58:37 Oh, yeah.
1508 00:58:38 Take it off, baby.
1509 00:58:40 Yeah! Take it off.Take off those shoes, girl.
1510 00:58:43 Let me see those feet.I wanna see those feet!
1511 00:58:47 Did you hit your heador something?
1512 00:58:48 Yeah. Let mesmell that shoe.
1513 00:58:51 You don't wannasmell my shoe.
1514 00:58:52 Yeah, I want feet!
1515 00:58:53 I want those feetout of those socks.
1516 00:58:55 Barb, what happened to you?
1517 00:58:57 I am so stoned right now.
1518 00:58:59 What?
1519 00:59:00 Yeah, I am so baked.
1520 00:59:02 I am like super baked.
1521 00:59:04 Barb. What?Where did you?
1522 00:59:06 I was very lonelyafter you guys left.
1523 00:59:09 And I saw this guy,and he had a cigarette.
1524 00:59:14 I thought it was one of thoseelectronic cigarettes.
1525 00:59:16 They're called E-cigs.
1526 00:59:17 Yeah.
1527 00:59:19 But turns out...
1528 00:59:20 I was vaping.
1529 00:59:22 What?
1530 00:59:24 I was vaping.
1531 00:59:25 What is that?
1532 00:59:26 It's marijuana that comesout of some kind of machine.
1533 00:59:29 Keep your voice down!Ned, it's legal.
1534 00:59:31 Oh, this poor boyhad it for sleep apnea.
1535 00:59:34 At his age? So sad.I'm going to bed. That's it.
1536 00:59:37 No, no, no. Wait!
1537 00:59:39 - Barbara, I'm tired.- Wait a minute.
1538 00:59:41 And I've got a headache.
1539 00:59:42 Let's play a little bit, huh?No, no.
1540 00:59:44 I'll give youone of my patented massages.
1541 00:59:46 Barb.Let's take the Little Cheese
1542 00:59:48 out for a spin.No, no, no.
1543 00:59:49 Come on, let me just see him.Don't.
1544 00:59:51 I just want to see him.Don't call him that.
1545 00:59:52 Please. Come on.
1546 00:59:53 Oh, my God!
1547 00:59:55 You used to love getting highand fooling around.
1548 00:59:57 What? Barb! No, Barb.
1549 00:59:59 We're on vacation!But someone could walk...
1550 01:00:01 There's no lockson the door!
1551 01:00:02 What?
1552 01:00:03 Justine! Do you have any Kiss?
1553 01:00:06 Oh, hell yeah!
1554 01:00:08 Are you kids gonna do it?Yes.
1555 01:00:10 No.We're doing it already.
1556 01:00:12 We're doing it right now.Barb!
1557 01:00:13 I'm doing it with my feet.One foot.
1558 01:00:15 That's Kiss!Honey, you love Kiss!
1559 01:00:17 But not right now.
1560 01:00:21 Ned was made for loving Barb
1561 01:00:25 Yell!
1562 01:00:31 Yeah. Yeah.
1563 01:00:33 Look what I learnedat the party.
1564 01:00:34 What?
1565 01:00:35 There was this real cute girl,and she was going like this.
1566 01:00:39 She was doing this cute,new dance.
1567 01:00:41 You're gonnathrow your back out.
1568 01:00:43 I'm not gonna throw my...
1569 01:00:44 I'll throw you out.
1570 01:00:46 Let me get on you.Wait, do you smell that?
1571 01:00:47 I'm putting him in.What is that scent?
1572 01:00:49 There. Oh, it's in.
1573 01:00:52 What is that?Oh, my God.
1574 01:00:54 Oh, my God!
1575 01:00:55 Is that Indian Summerby Priscilla Presley?
1576 01:00:59 I used to wearthat perfume in the 90s.
1577 01:01:01 Yup, pumping some in.
1578 01:01:03 I saw you mentioned it on yourcollege reunion's Facebook page.
1579 01:01:06 I know what you like, Ned.
1580 01:01:08 Oh, I know you do, dawg.
1581 01:01:10 Yeah, get in there. Get it!
1582 01:01:12 Barb!Get you some!
1583 01:01:14 Get it! Good. Oh, that's...Okay.
1584 01:01:16 Yeah. You're almost in there.
1585 01:01:17 No, you're, like,six inches away from it.
1586 01:01:19 Get in there.Yeah, that's the spirit.
1587 01:01:22 Barb.Oh! Yeah!
1588 01:01:23 Barb!That's good.
1589 01:01:25 Oh, that's good.You're getting into it now.
1590 01:01:27 - That's it!- No!
1591 01:01:28 No, no!Take me! Yes! Take me!
1592 01:01:30 I'm not...Take me.
1593 01:01:31 I'm taking you right to bed.That's what I'm doing.
1594 01:01:33 Here you go. Yes.
1595 01:01:35 No, I wanna do sex.
1596 01:01:36 We are not gonna do sex.No, honey.
1597 01:01:37 But I want to.
1598 01:01:39 Justine, turn all the musicoff please...
1599 01:01:40 I wanna do it.
1600 01:01:41 ...and leave us alonefor the rest of the night.
1601 01:01:43 It's gonna befull penetration!
1602 01:01:44 Would you stop!
1603 01:01:49 Psst... Hey, girl.
1604 01:01:52 Fifth button from the right.
1605 01:01:54 You'll thank me later.
1606 01:02:10 Mama, won't you please let meMama, won't you please let me
1607 01:02:12 Mmm...
1608 01:02:14 Mama, won't you please let me
1609 01:02:25 Mama do the humpmama do the hump hump
1610 01:02:27 Mama won't you pleaselet me do the hump hump
1611 01:02:30 Mama do the humpmama do the hump hump
1612 01:02:32 Mama won't you pleaselet me do the hump hump
1613 01:02:34 Mama do the humpmama do the hump hump
1614 01:02:37 Mama won't you pleaselet me do the hump hump
1615 01:02:39 Mama do the humpmama do the hump hump
1616 01:02:42 Mama won't you pleaselet me do the hump hump
1617 01:02:52 There we go, girls.
1618 01:03:30 Oh!
1619 01:03:32 Okay. You all right?
1620 01:03:33 Yeah. Oh, man.
1621 01:03:35 That's it.
1622 01:03:36 Dude, I thoughtI was gonna make it.
1623 01:03:37 I know. You almost did, but...
1624 01:03:40 Very good evasive parkour.
1625 01:03:41 Yes, but the last moveyou ate shit.
1626 01:03:43 I know.
1627 01:03:44 I'll put youon the table later
1628 01:03:46 and we'll doa little adjustment.
1629 01:04:00 Ah!
1630 01:04:02 Christmas tree shoppingwith the Big Cheese.
1631 01:04:05 Ned, you don't knowhow excited I am about this.
1632 01:04:07 I don't knowif I ever mentioned this,
1633 01:04:10 but I never had a fatherto do this kind of stuff with.
1634 01:04:12 I'm glad we're gettinga chance to hang out.
1635 01:04:15 That's nice.
1636 01:04:17 Uh, it's not getting me hard.
1637 01:04:20 You need an erectionto buy a Christmas tree?
1638 01:04:23 Helps.
1639 01:04:26 I wanna get toknow you better.
1640 01:04:28 I mean, you're so perfect.
1641 01:04:29 Seriously, did you alwayshave your shit together?
1642 01:04:32 Oh, heck no.
1643 01:04:33 I got fired selling Datsuns.
1644 01:04:37 How'd you fuck upselling little dogs?
1645 01:04:40 No. Datsuns.
1646 01:04:43 What's that?
1647 01:04:44 It's a car. Doesn't matter.
1648 01:04:46 It doesn't exist anymore.
1649 01:04:47 But you're still here.
1650 01:04:50 You ever get nervousabout shifting tides?
1651 01:04:54 Well, you know, every businesshas its ups and downs.
1652 01:04:57 Yeah, I know it, bro.
1653 01:04:59 Guerrilla Gang, it's beenstruggling a little bit.
1654 01:05:02 Really?
1655 01:05:04 Yeah, it's just a fuckingtough landscape, dude.
1656 01:05:08 What doesn't kill youmakes you stronger.
1657 01:05:11 Whoa.
1658 01:05:14 Chills. Did youcome up with that?
1659 01:05:17 No, Laird.
1660 01:05:21 Whoa, whoa.
1661 01:05:23 There she blows, Ned.
1662 01:05:25 It's our motherfucking tree.
1663 01:05:27 Why not? It'll look greatopposite your moose.
1664 01:05:30 Ned, Ned. Not that one.
1665 01:05:33 That one.
1666 01:05:38 Oh, no. See, Laird...
1667 01:05:40 that doesn't belongto this lot.
1668 01:05:41 See, it's owned by...
1669 01:05:42 Wet games?Wewt Games.
1670 01:05:44 Like, 'woot-woot'.
1671 01:05:46 I know those dudes.They're dicks.
1672 01:05:47 Tried to rip offApe Assassins.
1673 01:05:49 Plus, it's the first Christmaswith the family, dude.
1674 01:05:52 Gotta do it right.
1675 01:05:53 Hey, buddy.
1676 01:05:54 Yeah.
1677 01:05:55 Can I borrow that chainsaw?
1678 01:05:56 Are you serious?
1679 01:05:58 Yeah.
1680 01:06:00 Fucking...
1681 01:06:02 Come on.
1682 01:06:05 Will you hurry up?
1683 01:06:07 I'm trying.
1684 01:06:08 Come on, guy.I need my chainsaw back.
1685 01:06:11 Just give me a second.
1686 01:06:12 Should we callan ambulance now,
1687 01:06:14 or wait tillhe loses a finger?
1688 01:06:17 Can I borrow those?
1689 01:06:19 Have at it.
1690 01:06:21 Okay. Laird just...
1691 01:06:22 Okay.
1692 01:06:24 Hand it over?
1693 01:06:25 You sure, Ned?Yup.
1694 01:06:31 Oh!
1695 01:06:34 Total fucking Dad move!
1696 01:06:48 Oh, shit!
1697 01:06:51 You keep on dancingand the room gets hot
1698 01:06:55 You drive us wild,we'll drive you crazy
1699 01:07:01 I wanna rock and rollall night...
1700 01:07:06 Love Kiss!
1701 01:07:09 Kiss, baby!
1702 01:07:11 These guys are awesome!
1703 01:07:13 Stephanie and I do karaoketo Kiss all the time.
1704 01:07:15 Dude, I know,that's why I put it on!
1705 01:07:17 And we doa pretty good job, too,
1706 01:07:19 if I might say so.Oh, man.
1707 01:07:21 That's cute.Yeah.
1708 01:07:25 Listen, Laird,I've been thinking about
1709 01:07:27 our teepee talk yesterday.
1710 01:07:29 Oh, dude, me too.
1711 01:07:31 I've got so many ideasfor the proposal.
1712 01:07:33 No.No. Ned, hear me out.
1713 01:07:35 I was thinking aboutgetting the Goodyear blimp,
1714 01:07:37 releasing a thousand doves.
1715 01:07:38 No. Wait.
1716 01:07:39 Laird, just hold ona second, okay?
1717 01:07:41 Slow down.Okay.
1718 01:07:42 Look, I get it that Stephaniereally likes you.
1719 01:07:46 But...Uh-huh.
1720 01:07:47 Look. Man to man.Yeah.
1721 01:07:49 Now is not the time.
1722 01:07:52 Dude, Ned, I thought we weregetting past all that.
1723 01:07:55 No, it's not me.
1724 01:07:57 It's all about Stephanie.
1725 01:07:58 Stephanie?Yes.
1726 01:07:59 I don't know, dude.
1727 01:08:01 These last few semestersare gonna be so intense.
1728 01:08:04 And then there's graduation,
1729 01:08:05 and she'll belooking for a job.
1730 01:08:07 And who knowswhere that will take her.
1731 01:08:08 It's just...All right, Ned...
1732 01:08:10 I wasn't supposed totell you this,
1733 01:08:11 but I just wannaput your mind at ease.
1734 01:08:15 Stephanie is not going backto school next semester.
1735 01:08:19 What?
1736 01:08:21 Dude, I know you're probablyshocked, but do not worry.
1737 01:08:25 She's alreadygot this awesome job
1738 01:08:26 lined upat this non-profit.
1739 01:08:29 What organizationis that exactly?
1740 01:08:33 She's going to be president ofthe Laird Mayhew Foundation.
1741 01:08:41 That's me.
1742 01:08:45 Stephanie!
1743 01:08:46 Barb?
1744 01:08:47 Everybody upstairs right now,family meeting!
1745 01:08:50 Ned, would you likeme to schedule a meeting?
1746 01:08:51 Oh, fuck off!
1747 01:08:53 Just trying to help.
1748 01:08:54 You don't always have to besuch an asshole.
1749 01:08:55 Yes, I do!
1750 01:08:57 Dad.You are so dead.
1751 01:08:59 Shut up. Of courseI was going to tell you.
1752 01:09:02 I told Mom yesterdayat the mall.
1753 01:09:03 I was just waiting forthe right time to bring it up
1754 01:09:05 and that hasn't happened.Wait a minute.
1755 01:09:07 You knew?
1756 01:09:08 Honestly, honey, we thoughtyou might freak out.
1757 01:09:12 So we decided to wait until
1758 01:09:14 after Christmasto bring it up.
1759 01:09:16 But, okay, he told youabout the foundation, right?
1760 01:09:19 Yes.Yes, okay.
1761 01:09:21 This is a big part ofwhy I wanted you
1762 01:09:22 to come out hereand meet Laird.
1763 01:09:25 Stephanie, even if he wasn'tthis abject lunatic,
1764 01:09:29 which he is,
1765 01:09:30 I still wouldn'tunderstand why.
1766 01:09:33 You've only gota few semesters left
1767 01:09:35 before you graduate.
1768 01:09:36 Why would youjust throw that away?
1769 01:09:38 I'm not throwinganything away, Dad.
1770 01:09:39 The year I spentin Central America
1771 01:09:40 doing this kind of work,
1772 01:09:43 I know you think that I'mmaking some rash decision
1773 01:09:46 and I'm not.
1774 01:09:47 We've spent monthsfiguring it out.
1775 01:09:50 All the months
1776 01:09:51 where you didn't even tell usyou had a boyfriend.
1777 01:09:53 All those months?
1778 01:09:55 Darling...
1779 01:09:56 I think you shouldhear her out
1780 01:09:58 because it actually soundsvery interesting.
1781 01:10:01 Does it?
1782 01:10:02 Are youwilling to listen to me?
1783 01:10:04 Give it your best shot.
1784 01:10:06 The plan is to focuson women's health
1785 01:10:08 as a function of environmentalchange in the Third World.
1786 01:10:10 Right.All right.
1787 01:10:11 And when all thatgoes belly-up,
1788 01:10:13 you know whatyou're left with?
1789 01:10:14 What?Being a college dropout.
1790 01:10:16 That's it.You don't get it.
1791 01:10:18 Oh, I don't get it?
1792 01:10:19 No, you just, like,don't get it at all.
1793 01:10:21 Oh. What is that?
1794 01:10:24 It's a tattoo.
1795 01:10:25 With his name?You got a tattoo?
1796 01:10:27 You've marked your bodywith his name on it.
1797 01:10:29 Look at that, Barb!
1798 01:10:30 Oh, no.
1799 01:10:32 That is so cute.
1800 01:10:34 Let me see.I wanna see.
1801 01:10:35 Laird's been telling meI should get a neck tat.
1802 01:10:37 I see whatLaird is doing here.
1803 01:10:38 I see what he's doing.
1804 01:10:40 He is trying to put hisimprint on this entire family.
1805 01:10:44 And that is why we've gotall these secrets now.
1806 01:10:47 And it's all because of him!
1807 01:10:49 Why do you have sucha big problem with Laird?
1808 01:10:51 Great question.You know why? Why?
1809 01:10:53 Because of his influence,
1810 01:10:55 you drop out of college.
1811 01:10:56 Because of his influence,you get a "too."
1812 01:10:59 Dad, I think you mean "tat."
1813 01:11:00 You definitely mean "tat."
1814 01:11:01 I mean "tat?"It's not a "too?"
1815 01:11:02 "Tat." No, it's not a "too."No.
1816 01:11:03 No, I saw it on Geraldo.
1817 01:11:05 They call them "toos," okay?Okay.
1818 01:11:07 This is what's going to beyour downward spiral.
1819 01:11:09 First you get a tattoo,
1820 01:11:11 then you start vaporizing.
1821 01:11:13 - What?- You're vaporizing.
1822 01:11:14 What are you talking about?
1823 01:11:16 When you have...It's an e-cigarette.
1824 01:11:19 But instead of tobaccoor a fake tobacco,
1825 01:11:22 no, you have marijuanain that e-cigarette.
1826 01:11:24 Dad, I know what it is.Yeah.
1827 01:11:25 How do you knowwhat it is?
1828 01:11:27 Because I've been around.Haven't I?
1829 01:11:32 Mm-hmm.
1830 01:11:33 Then you gofrom there to heroin.
1831 01:11:35 Mm-hmm, that's right.
1832 01:11:36 After that, after youget hooked on drugs,
1833 01:11:38 you know what happens next?
1834 01:11:39 What?
1835 01:11:40 You'll become a hooker,a prostitute...
1836 01:11:41 a pimp's bitch.
1837 01:11:43 That's what'sgoing to happen to you.
1838 01:11:44 I see it very clearly.
1839 01:11:46 Oh, my...How long do I have?
1840 01:11:49 I'm glad you asked.Not long.
1841 01:11:51 You keep going down this path,at this rate, not long.
1842 01:11:54 You're clearly not in a placeto listen to me right now.
1843 01:11:57 So I'm gonna go.
1844 01:11:58 Thank you, Pops,for the guidance.
1845 01:11:59 Thank you.You're welcome.
1846 01:12:46 When the line froze,what did I see?
1847 01:12:49 A bad mother fuckerstanding next to me
1848 01:12:52 Boom!
1849 01:12:57 Be free like a birdso today I'ma fly
1850 01:13:00 Bad, bad motherfucker'til the day I die
1851 01:13:04 Boss, let meget this straight.
1852 01:13:05 You want meto hack into
1853 01:13:06 Stephanie'sboyfriend's computer
1854 01:13:08 and find outif there's any record
1855 01:13:10 of him starting a foundation?
1856 01:13:12 Yes, I do.
1857 01:13:13 Listen, Kevin,you are my IT guy.
1858 01:13:15 I've got nowhere else to turn.
1859 01:13:16 You know I've always thoughtso highly of Stephanie.
1860 01:13:19 Yeah, she thinksa lot about you.
1861 01:13:21 Really? Oh, yeah.
1862 01:13:23 That's so crazy.Now, listen.
1863 01:13:25 I know that this characterhas money,
1864 01:13:27 but there's something aboutthis whole foundation
1865 01:13:29 that sounds likea bunch of hooey.
1866 01:13:30 If this guy's running hooey,then I'm gonna find out.
1867 01:13:34 Okay,first thing's first, Ned,
1868 01:13:35 you have to break intohis computer
1869 01:13:37 and download a programthat I'm gonna send you.
1870 01:13:40 That's hacking?
1871 01:13:43 I took a shower,washing every body part...
1872 01:13:47 Yeah, okay.I'm getting online.
1873 01:13:51 Kevin, what are you doing?Huh, baby?
1874 01:13:53 Oh, I'm helping Nedwith something IT-related.
1875 01:13:55 Oh, tell Ned I said hi.
1876 01:13:57 Okay.
1877 01:13:58 All right, webcam's on.
1878 01:14:01 Okay, I'm in the office.
1879 01:14:02 All right, now getin front of the computer.
1880 01:14:05 All right, good.Press the spacebar.
1881 01:14:09 Oh, darn.It's asking for a password.
1882 01:14:11 No surprise.
1883 01:14:12 A lot of guys have passwords relatedto their girlfriends or their wives.
1884 01:14:17 Kevin, you're a genius.That's what I have!
1885 01:14:20 It's "Barbsguy1989."The year we were married.
1886 01:14:23 The younger generation tendsto go a little bit racier.
1887 01:14:26 I'm gonna get into somesensitive areas here,
1888 01:14:28 so just bear with me.
1889 01:14:29 We need to focus on Stephanie'smore defining qualities
1890 01:14:33 that this guymight latch onto.
1891 01:14:35 Do you understandwhat I'm saying?
1892 01:14:36 Would you just get to it?
1893 01:14:38 For example, like,would you say...
1894 01:14:40 Stephanie has perky breasts?
1895 01:14:44 What?Okay.
1896 01:14:45 I would say yes,because she does.
1897 01:14:47 Please try "Stephanie's boobs"one word, no caps.
1898 01:14:50 I'm her dad!
1899 01:14:51 I understand thatyou're her dad,
1900 01:14:53 but you gotta think like him.
1901 01:14:54 Okay?
1902 01:15:01 No.
1903 01:15:02 We're gonna have tokick it up a notch.
1904 01:15:04 You said thatthis guy was edgy?
1905 01:15:06 Please try"Stephanie's tight ass."
1906 01:15:09 Give that a whirl.
1907 01:15:11 Are you messing with me,Dingle?
1908 01:15:13 I wish I was messing with you.
1909 01:15:15 I'm trying to help you, Ned.
1910 01:15:17 Make the two "S's"dollar signs in "ass."
1911 01:15:19 God!
1912 01:15:20 I am going straight to helljust for typing this.
1913 01:15:23 Tight ass.
1914 01:15:26 No.Hey, guys?
1915 01:15:28 Do you wanna raise the volumeon the movie?
1916 01:15:29 Okay.
1917 01:15:31 Okay. I'm just gonna listsome off, you type them in.
1918 01:15:34 All right,try "Stephanie's sweet slit."
1919 01:15:36 I am not writing that!
1920 01:15:38 Okay,"Stephanie's pink canoe."
1921 01:15:40 No!
1922 01:15:41 Listen, this isn't fun for me.
1923 01:15:47 Oh, my God.What is it?
1924 01:15:48 It's the password!
1925 01:15:50 The one piece of paperin the entire house.
1926 01:15:52 What does it say?I'm gonna log it in.
1927 01:15:53 "Stephanie's dude."
1928 01:15:57 Aw, that's actually sweet.
1929 01:15:59 "2016."
1930 01:16:00 Boom! We're in.
1931 01:16:01 Oh, gosh!
1932 01:16:03 What? What is it?
1933 01:16:04 It's a nude photographof Stephanie.
1934 01:16:06 May I see it, please?No.
1935 01:16:08 May I please see it?
1936 01:16:09 I said no!Okay.
1937 01:16:10 Go to your EarthLink accountin the web browser.
1938 01:16:13 EarthLink, EarthLink, okay.Press.
1939 01:16:16 I give it my password.
1940 01:16:17 Okay.
1941 01:16:19 Okay.I just emailed you a file.
1942 01:16:21 Download that andopen it on his desktop.
1943 01:16:23 Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy!We're good!
1944 01:16:26 We're hacking, baby!
1945 01:16:27 We're gonna nail him.
1946 01:16:29 We're gonna nail him the wayhe's been nailing Stephanie.
1947 01:16:31 Just come with me right now.
1948 01:16:32 What?
1949 01:16:33 Why are youtaking me to my office?
1950 01:16:34 Everyone's downstairs.
1951 01:16:35 Oh, shit! Someone's coming!Okay. Escape!
1952 01:16:37 Oh, God!
1953 01:16:38 Baby,what are we doing?
1954 01:16:39 Christmas Eveis about to start.
1955 01:16:41 What is the matter with you?What's happening?
1956 01:16:43 I specifically told you...Don't say anything.
1957 01:16:44 that I wanted to be the one totell my dad about Stanford.
1958 01:16:48 I know. We were just...Then why did you do it?
1959 01:16:50 We were bonding so hard,it just sort of slipped out.
1960 01:16:52 You clearly have noidea what this means to him.
1961 01:16:55 He was so proud of mewhen I got into Stanford.
1962 01:16:58 He worked so hardto make it happen.
1963 01:17:02 Me dropping out is likea huge slap in his face.
1964 01:17:06 Okay.
1965 01:17:08 I just never had anyonelike him in my life before.
1966 01:17:10 Oh, my God!
1967 01:17:12 I thought we couldjust talk it out.
1968 01:17:14 You could see how that's notyour place to do that, right?
1969 01:17:17 Okay. Maybe not.
1970 01:17:18 Definitely not.
1971 01:17:20 Okay, you're right.He was super pissed.
1972 01:17:24 Sometimes I feel likeyou're not capable
1973 01:17:26 of being in a relationship.
1974 01:17:28 It's time thatyou get a handle
1975 01:17:30 on these father issues.
1976 01:17:32 Wow.
1977 01:17:33 That's the truth.
1978 01:17:36 When you call meon my shit...
1979 01:17:38 My God! It makes mefeel so close to you.
1980 01:17:42 Your honesty hassuch an effect on me.
1981 01:17:47 You're making me sofucking horny right now.
1982 01:17:49 - What?- Yeah.
1983 01:17:51 That face is boner-bait.
1984 01:17:52 Can you not seethat I'm mad at you?
1985 01:17:54 Yeah, I see it.That's what's...
1986 01:17:56 Oh, my God.You're driving me crazy!
1987 01:17:57 You're not listening to me.
1988 01:18:00 I'm listening.
1989 01:18:02 I'm sorry.
1990 01:18:03 Do you...
1991 01:18:06 You need therapy.
1992 01:18:11 Not working.No?
1993 01:18:12 Mm-mm. Not today, buddy.
1994 01:18:13 Okay. How about this?
1995 01:18:15 Is this working?
1996 01:18:19 A little bit.
1997 01:18:21 Okay, how about this?
1998 01:18:25 Okay. That's workinga little bit more.
1999 01:18:28 Laird,I love you.
2000 01:18:30 But I'm stillmad at you.
2001 01:18:32 I'm sorry.
2002 01:18:42 I'm so sorry.No, no!
2003 01:18:45 Okay?
2004 01:18:46 Yes!
2005 01:18:47 No!
2006 01:18:51 You...
2007 01:18:53 I'm gonna make it up to you.What is happening?
2008 01:18:55 You just lie back, and I'll give youan early Christmas present.
2009 01:18:57 You aresuch a freak.
2010 01:18:59 I know.
2011 01:19:04 Here comes Santa.
2012 01:19:06 Oh, really?
2013 01:19:07 Ho, ho, ho.Oh, my God.
2014 01:19:09 Merry Christmas.
2015 01:19:11 Somebody's beennaughty this year.
2016 01:19:16 Boss?
2017 01:19:18 Ned. Are you there? Hello?
2018 01:19:20 Hello?Oh.
2019 01:19:21 Yes. Kevin, I'm here.What's happening?
2020 01:19:24 I'm in.
2021 01:19:25 Do you have accessto the Internet?
2022 01:19:26 Yes, I do. Hold on.
2023 01:19:28 Wait a second.
2024 01:19:29 Log into yourEarthLink account.
2025 01:19:32 Okay. Got it.
2026 01:19:33 I'm gonna send theseto you right now.
2027 01:19:36 Good.You're done, Mayhew.
2028 01:19:40 What the fuck?
2029 01:19:42 What happened?Oh, my God.
2030 01:19:44 Wait, what?What's going on?
2031 01:19:45 I don't know. He has my face.
2032 01:19:47 What do you meanhe has your face?
2033 01:19:48 I'm locked out.
2034 01:19:50 I can't usemy computer anymore.
2035 01:19:51 What?Stop that!
2036 01:19:52 What's happening?He's onto us, Ned.
2037 01:19:54 What are you doing?
2038 01:19:55 We have to abort.Oh, God. Oh, no.
2039 01:19:57 Move back, motherfuckersMayhew's here
2040 01:20:01 Oh, fuck!
2041 01:20:02 He's a mythical creature, Ned.
2042 01:20:03 He's what?
2043 01:20:05 What the fuck? Oh, God.
2044 01:20:08 He's pulling out his penis!
2045 01:20:11 Oh, my God.
2046 01:20:12 He's balls deepin my digital butt.
2047 01:20:17 Are you watching porn?
2048 01:20:18 Turn that off!
2049 01:20:19 Ned, he's doing it!
2050 01:20:21 Marnie, it's not good!
2051 01:20:22 Stay the fuck out!Turn that off!
2052 01:20:24 Kevin!
2053 01:20:25 Kevin!
2054 01:20:30 He has control of the house!
2055 01:20:32 Come here!
2056 01:20:33 Kevin, what is happening?We gotta get out of here!
2057 01:20:35 Go, go, go!
2058 01:20:36 - What?- Kevin!
2059 01:20:37 Kevin!
2060 01:20:49 Oh, my...
2061 01:20:53 Silent night
2062 01:20:57 Holy night
2063 01:21:02 All is calm
2064 01:21:07 All is bright
2065 01:21:12 Hi.Hey.
2066 01:21:13 You know what?Let's not fight.
2067 01:21:15 Okay.
2068 01:21:16 I'm sorry, truly, that you found outabout Stanford that way.
2069 01:21:18 Thank you.
2070 01:21:19 It was not okay of Laird,and he knows that now.
2071 01:21:21 But I'm confidentthis is a really good idea.
2072 01:21:23 Honey, before you continue,I need to tell you something.
2073 01:21:24 Laird has been lying to you.
2074 01:21:28 I tried.
2075 01:21:29 No, no, no. Hey!It's unbelievable!
2076 01:21:30 He is in seriousfinancial trouble.
2077 01:21:32 In what way?It's Christmas.
2078 01:21:34 Ned, you're making a mistake.
2079 01:21:36 He doesn't have enough moneyto finance his business,
2080 01:21:38 let alone a foundation.
2081 01:21:40 What exactlymakes you think that?
2082 01:21:41 Wait till you see this.
2083 01:21:43 What's this?Here.
2084 01:21:44 Look at this,his own bank records.
2085 01:21:46 All in red.
2086 01:21:50 Is this for real?
2087 01:21:51 Yeah, it's true.
2088 01:21:52 Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushedone in a couple of years.
2089 01:21:55 So you lied to me?
2090 01:21:57 I'm dropping out of school
2091 01:21:58 to start a foundation thatyou're supposed to be financing.
2092 01:22:01 Yeah.Yeah.
2093 01:22:02 Baby, the foundationis all good.
2094 01:22:04 What are you talking about?
2095 01:22:06 Ned, there has beena very big misunderstanding.
2096 01:22:09 These are onlyLaird's business holdings.
2097 01:22:13 On the personal side...
2098 01:22:14 I have put togethera moderate,
2099 01:22:15 conservative privateequity sleeve
2100 01:22:17 that has beenperforming delightfully.
2101 01:22:19 You could say that again.Mm-hmm.
2102 01:22:21 So you followedthe Buffett rule?
2103 01:22:22 Always, dude.
2104 01:22:24 70/30, stocks to bonds.
2105 01:22:25 Buffet.
2106 01:22:26 Nice.
2107 01:22:28 Your little hacker, Dingle...
2108 01:22:29 Hacker?
2109 01:22:30 ...was worming downthe wrong hole.
2110 01:22:32 - Does he mean Kevin Dingle?- Probably.
2111 01:22:34 No, must be another Dingle.
2112 01:22:36 Only dingle I know ofis the berries on the butt.
2113 01:22:38 Look, how much moneydo you have?
2114 01:22:40 Babe, you don'thave to answer this.
2115 01:22:41 Yes, he does.
2116 01:22:43 Fine! Full disclosure.
2117 01:22:44 It's bad.
2118 01:22:47 I'm down tomy last 97 million.
2119 01:22:50 Laird.
2120 01:22:53 197 million.
2121 01:22:56 Boom.
2122 01:22:57 He's just barely scraping by.
2123 01:23:00 All you had to do was ask me.
2124 01:23:01 Gentlemen, I needDeck the Halls, allegro, now.
2125 01:23:04 Deck the hallswith boughs of holly
2126 01:23:07 Ned, it's the holidays
2127 01:23:08 and I thinkwe should start over.
2128 01:23:12 So this is for you.
2129 01:23:17 What is it?
2130 01:23:18 It's a littlestocking stuffer.
2131 01:23:19 I think you'll like it.
2132 01:23:22 A phone?Press the button.
2133 01:23:26 This is from my bankin Grand Rapids.
2134 01:23:29 Merry Christmas.
2135 01:23:30 Someone fill me in here.
2136 01:23:31 Well, Steph...
2137 01:23:32 I boughtyour father's company.
2138 01:23:35 Sort of.
2139 01:23:36 Ned, I purchased all your debtas a Christmas present.
2140 01:23:40 What the fuck?
2141 01:23:42 You son of a bitch.What?
2142 01:23:44 Dude, I'm trying to be nice,so you can avoid bankruptcy.
2143 01:23:47 Are you guystalking Chapter 11?
2144 01:23:48 I don't even wannahear that term.
2145 01:23:50 Okay, gentlemen,I need Jingle Bells, and step on it!
2146 01:23:53 I can't believe thatyou didn't tell us about this.
2147 01:23:56 What? No, it's just...
2148 01:23:58 The business has been runninga little rough lately.
2149 01:24:01 I'm already working ona new deal right now.
2150 01:24:03 So you had no idea?No.
2151 01:24:05 How the helldid you know about this?
2152 01:24:06 It was Justine.Oh.
2153 01:24:08 Yeah, it was me.
2154 01:24:10 She played me back a little bit of aconversation you had the other day...
2155 01:24:13 with a guy named Lou.
2156 01:24:14 Of course,I had to help.
2157 01:24:16 Ned,I'm sorry if I overstepped.
2158 01:24:18 Yep.
2159 01:24:19 But I was really,really worried about you.
2160 01:24:21 She was.No clowning.
2161 01:24:23 And just soyou don't stress,
2162 01:24:25 you're still gonna bethe Big Cheese, dude.
2163 01:24:27 I plan on beinga very hands-off owner.
2164 01:24:30 So what do you say, partner?
2165 01:24:35 - Ned, what are you...- What the fuck?
2166 01:24:37 Why would you do that, Dad?
2167 01:24:39 Dad!
2168 01:24:40 Fuck you, paper man!
2169 01:24:43 Oh, scheisse.
2170 01:24:45 Ned, I'm sorry, bro.
2171 01:24:46 Are you okay? Oh, man.
2172 01:24:48 My training,it just takes over.
2173 01:24:49 Everybody is feelinga lot of tension.
2174 01:24:51 Calm down.Dad!
2175 01:24:53 Or we can hit people squarein the face with an iPad.
2176 01:24:58 Disengage.Disengage and run!
2177 01:25:03 Dude, that was kind of cool.You gotta be honest.
2178 01:25:05 Ned, I love you.I was just trying to help.
2179 01:25:08 Ooh!
2180 01:25:11 Laird, disengage him!
2181 01:25:12 Ned, let go of his balls!
2182 01:25:17 Laird! Evasive parkour!
2183 01:25:19 Laird, get away!
2184 01:25:20 Evasive parkour!Do the wall pop!
2185 01:25:23 Wall pop!
2186 01:25:28 Goose! Did you see that?
2187 01:25:29 That's right! Because youfinally engaged your core!
2188 01:25:32 Get down here!
2189 01:25:33 You see the difference of the feeling?How it feels differently?
2190 01:25:36 I know!
2191 01:25:38 Oh, my God!Oh, my God!
2192 01:25:40 Don't breathe in.I'll save you, brother!
2193 01:25:41 Scotty, no! Scotty!
2194 01:25:42 No, honey!
2195 01:25:44 I'm here to save you, Laird!
2196 01:25:50 Scotty, watch out!
2197 01:26:00 Laird! You okay?
2198 01:26:03 Yeah!
2199 01:26:04 Fantastic!You're okay.
2200 01:26:06 You're okay.Wait. Where's Scotty?
2201 01:26:07 Scotty! Oh, my God.
2202 01:26:09 Scotty!He's under the moose!
2203 01:26:11 He's under the moose!
2204 01:26:13 Scotty!
2205 01:26:16 Oh, shit.
2206 01:26:17 These fucking moose ballsare in my mouth.
2207 01:26:19 Oh, shit,he's teabagging you, bro!
2208 01:26:22 I got you.
2209 01:26:28 Come here. Come here.
2210 01:26:31 Oh, my God. It's okay.
2211 01:26:33 It's okay.
2212 01:26:37 Honey, I'm so sorryit turned out this way.
2213 01:26:40 Me, too.
2214 01:26:41 I'll call youwhen I get home.
2215 01:26:43 Okay. Good luck with Scotty.
2216 01:26:45 Thank you. I'll need it.Yeah.
2217 01:26:49 Steph, listen. I never...
2218 01:26:52 I'm done listening.Have a safe flight.
2219 01:26:57 See you, sis.Bye, Scotty.
2220 01:27:01 Can't believe I have togo back to toilet paper.
2221 01:27:10 Hey, Don Millis.Merry Christmas, sir.
2222 01:27:13 You too, Ned. Look, I hateto call on Christmas.
2223 01:27:15 Oh, don't worry about that.
2224 01:27:17 It was greatcatching up yesterday
2225 01:27:19 and I wanted to ring youas soon as we made a decision.
2226 01:27:21 Okay.
2227 01:27:22 I talked with the group hereabout your proposal
2228 01:27:24 and we just can't go for it.
2229 01:27:26 I'm sorry, pal.
2230 01:27:27 We really appreciate you offeringus such a sweetheart deal.
2231 01:27:30 But fact is we 're just not doing awhole lot of printing these days.
2232 01:27:33 You know how it is.Yes.
2233 01:27:34 It's a whole new world, right?
2234 01:27:35 Yes.
2235 01:27:37 Sure is.
2236 01:27:38 I sure wish we could'vedone business, Cheese.
2237 01:27:40 All right, listen, um,
2238 01:27:42 if you're sure I can'tchange your mind there, Don.
2239 01:27:44 Yeah, unfortunately not.
2240 01:27:46 Okay. All right.
2241 01:27:49 You have a happy holidays.You, too, Ned!
2242 01:27:51 Best to Barb and the kids.
2243 01:27:55 Excuse me, Ned?
2244 01:27:57 I'm sorry to bother you,but your flight leaves in an hour.
2245 01:28:03 Must seem strangeto you, my friend
2246 01:28:06 I'll miss you.
2247 01:28:08 Some things are alwaysheaven sent
2248 01:28:12 The more you want,the harder it gets
2249 01:28:16 The more you let go,the more you get
2250 01:28:20 It's a crazy...
2251 01:28:28 ...beautiful life
2252 01:28:30 Some things make senseand you don't know what
2253 01:28:34 It's a crazy beautiful life
2254 01:28:46 Welcome home, Flemings!
2255 01:28:48 Lou, what...
2256 01:28:49 You guys must be freezing.
2257 01:28:50 Come on, get in here.Let me get that. Come on, Cheese.
2258 01:28:53 Lou, what's going on?Barbara, hey.
2259 01:28:54 Hi.
2260 01:28:55 - Barb, you look great.- There they are!
2261 01:28:57 Merry Christmas!
2262 01:29:01 Wow!
2263 01:29:03 Um, Lou, I texted you thatI needed to talk to you.
2264 01:29:07 I mean, what's...
2265 01:29:08 Come on,you hear this guy?
2266 01:29:10 Hank Rousefrom First National
2267 01:29:11 shot me a congratulatoryvoicemail this morning
2268 01:29:14 about theMayhew deal.
2269 01:29:16 You did it,Big Cheese!
2270 01:29:18 You pulled offthe Christmas miracle.
2271 01:29:22 Cheese, Cheese, Cheese!Cheese, Cheese, Cheese!
2272 01:29:24 Barb!
2273 01:29:26 Scotty.
2274 01:29:27 Ned, as a little tokenof our appreciation,
2275 01:29:30 we all chipped inand bought you something
2276 01:29:33 that we're pretty sureyou don't own.
2277 01:29:38 You shouldn't have.
2278 01:29:40 Open it. Yeah.
2279 01:29:42 Yeah, right there.
2280 01:29:44 It's an iPad.
2281 01:29:47 Hit the home buttonright there.
2282 01:29:49 Yeah.
2283 01:29:51 We had a little funwith that down in Graphics.
2284 01:29:53 I got the images offScotty's Facebook page.
2285 01:29:58 He looks like a stand-up guy.
2286 01:29:59 Like a younger versionof you, Ned.
2287 01:30:02 Make a speech!
2288 01:30:03 Speech!Oh, yes, speech!
2289 01:30:05 Speech, speech, speech.
2290 01:30:11 The heck is that?
2291 01:30:17 Laird, a jet anda helicopter? Where are we?
2292 01:30:19 Hang on, babe. Almost there.
2293 01:30:32 One second.Mayhew!
2294 01:30:34 Guys, stay herefor a minute.
2295 01:30:35 Honey, go insideand get a jacket.
2296 01:30:36 That's Mayhew.Is that the guy?
2297 01:30:37 Laird!
2298 01:30:39 Where are we?
2299 01:30:40 That looks weird.
2300 01:30:41 It's kind of FiftyShades of Grey-ish.
2301 01:30:43 Cold?Yeah.
2302 01:30:47 And here we go.
2303 01:30:51 Surprise!
2304 01:30:53 Hi, honey.
2305 01:30:56 Ta-da.
2306 01:30:59 You brought me home?Yeah.
2307 01:31:01 Without telling me?
2308 01:31:03 I realize I violated thesanctity of mystery date
2309 01:31:06 but I just thought the familyshould all be together today.
2310 01:31:09 Okay, that wasn't yourplace to do that, hon.
2311 01:31:11 Steph, I know,
2312 01:31:13 but it is Christmas.
2313 01:31:15 And we're gladto see you.
2314 01:31:16 This isn't whatshe wanted.
2315 01:31:17 No, it's not.
2316 01:31:18 What I wanted wasfor us to spend
2317 01:31:20 Christmas inCalifornia together
2318 01:31:21 like I planned, beforeeverything went to shit
2319 01:31:24 because you made itall about yourself.
2320 01:31:27 Mm-hmm.
2321 01:31:29 You both did.
2322 01:31:30 I did?Yes!
2323 01:31:31 You idiots think you canpass me back and forth
2324 01:31:35 like I'm your propertyor something?
2325 01:31:37 I'm done.
2326 01:31:38 This is the worstChristmas ever.
2327 01:31:39 Steph.Steph. Honey.
2328 01:31:46 I think she's pissed.
2329 01:31:50 Yeah, she's pissed.
2330 01:31:52 Shit!
2331 01:31:53 I just thought that you guysshould be together today.
2332 01:31:59 All right.Well, I'll leave you to it.
2333 01:32:02 Happy holidays, Ned.
2334 01:32:03 You too, Laird.
2335 01:32:12 Uh, Laird.
2336 01:32:13 You're doing a "I'mgonna walk away slowly
2337 01:32:16 "'cause I really don'twanna leave" walk.
2338 01:32:19 Maybe.
2339 01:32:21 Come here.
2340 01:32:23 Come here.
2341 01:32:25 So what happened?You didn't propose?
2342 01:32:27 How could I?
2343 01:32:28 I never gotyour permission
2344 01:32:29 and we pinky-sworeI wouldn't ask without it.
2345 01:32:33 You are remarkable.
2346 01:32:36 You don't have a gearto be dishonest, do you?
2347 01:32:40 Guess not, dude.
2348 01:32:44 Laird, you never neededmy permission
2349 01:32:46 to ask Stephanieto marry you.
2350 01:32:49 But if it still meansanything to you,
2351 01:32:53 you have my blessing.
2352 01:32:57 For reals?
2353 01:32:58 No clowning.
2354 01:33:01 Whoa.
2355 01:33:04 But, Laird,Stephanie's right.
2356 01:33:06 It's up to her.It's always been up to her.
2357 01:33:09 Not us.
2358 01:33:11 It just took me a whileto realize that.
2359 01:33:15 It's so true.
2360 01:33:17 Dude, we were such jerks.
2361 01:33:19 Yeah.
2362 01:33:20 I bit your dick.
2363 01:33:23 Shaft and balls.Oh.
2364 01:33:26 I'm sorry.
2365 01:33:28 I'm sorry, too, dude.
2366 01:33:30 Look, Laird, if you wannaask Stephanie to marry you
2367 01:33:33 when the timeis right, just do it.
2368 01:33:36 Okay. Is it coolif I do it right now?
2369 01:33:39 Because, uh, just in caseit worked out
2370 01:33:41 I had Goose put a shit tonof doves in the helicopter
2371 01:33:44 and I havea couple other surprises.
2372 01:33:46 Laird, this istotally your call.
2373 01:33:49 But can I give yousome advice?
2374 01:33:51 Dude, please.
2375 01:33:52 I'm so fuckingnervous right now.
2376 01:33:53 All right, look...
2377 01:33:54 Stephanie doesn't care aboutall the bells and whistles.
2378 01:33:58 You know her.
2379 01:34:00 She cares about you.
2380 01:34:01 She loves you.
2381 01:34:04 So you get downon one knee
2382 01:34:07 and you speak to herfrom your heart.
2383 01:34:10 That's whatyou're best at.
2384 01:34:14 Isn't that right,Justine?
2385 01:34:17 Totally agree.
2386 01:34:18 Holy shit.
2387 01:34:20 My first time in Michigan.It's cold as balls here.
2388 01:34:24 Yeah.
2389 01:34:25 Dude, that'sfucking great!
2390 01:34:28 Do it Ned Fleming style.
2391 01:34:29 Old school!
2392 01:34:31 Fuck yes.
2393 01:34:35 Okay. Well, look...
2394 01:34:36 I'll go in there and see ifI can get her to come out.
2395 01:34:38 Okay.
2396 01:34:39 Good luck.Thanks.
2397 01:34:45 Hey, promise meone thing.
2398 01:34:48 You will treather well.
2399 01:34:51 Dude, I'm gonna treat herlike a motherfucking queen.
2400 01:34:56 I'll take that.
2401 01:34:57 Okay.
2402 01:35:00 Gustav, change of plans.
2403 01:35:02 We're go on the proposal.No go on all that other shit.
2404 01:35:05 I have only one bar.
2405 01:35:06 You're sayingwe are a go, yes?
2406 01:35:08 No. No go.
2407 01:35:10 Go on the proposal,no go on the shit.
2408 01:35:12 Laird, are you sayingit's a no go
2409 01:35:14 or are you saying, "No. Go."?
2410 01:35:16 God damn it, Goose.
2411 01:35:17 You're making me fuckingnervous. Just shut up.
2412 01:35:19 Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck.
2413 01:35:21 Oh, and by the way,please, Laird, breathe.
2414 01:35:26 Okay.
2415 01:35:27 And no cursing, okay?
2416 01:35:30 Fuck, you're right. Good call.
2417 01:35:33 Hi.
2418 01:35:37 I'm sorry.
2419 01:35:39 I know that out in CaliforniaI disappointed you
2420 01:35:43 and that kills me.
2421 01:35:45 And I'm really sorry.
2422 01:35:50 I'm sorry, too.
2423 01:35:53 I threw you in thedeep end out there.
2424 01:35:55 I should've neverasked you to come.
2425 01:35:56 Honestly. No.
2426 01:35:57 No, you didn't doanything wrong.
2427 01:35:59 What was I thinking?
2428 01:36:00 It was me.
2429 01:36:02 It's just that, when wegot out to Laird's...
2430 01:36:06 I just didn't feel likeI knew you anymore
2431 01:36:10 and I got scared.
2432 01:36:13 I just went crazy.
2433 01:36:18 This is me.
2434 01:36:22 I'm doing good.
2435 01:36:25 Oh, Dad.
2436 01:36:32 Oh, my God.
2437 01:36:33 Okay, look. I forgot...
2438 01:36:35 Oh, God.He's still out there.
2439 01:36:36 I know.
2440 01:36:37 In a tank top and a scarf.
2441 01:36:38 And he knewwe were coming to Michigan.
2442 01:36:40 Yeah.
2443 01:36:41 Why doesn'the just come inside?
2444 01:36:42 He has to talk to youabout something...
2445 01:36:43 He kind of wants to makethings right with you.
2446 01:36:46 Oh, does he?Yeah.
2447 01:36:48 I think it'd be coolif you gave him a chance.
2448 01:36:53 You want meto give Laird a chance?
2449 01:36:55 I thought that if you sawfit to give him a chance...
2450 01:36:59 I thought thatit'd be cool.
2451 01:37:04 That's all. Well?
2452 01:37:05 Hi.Hey.
2453 01:37:07 What's going on?Oh, my God, it's cold out here.
2454 01:37:09 I know you're pissed,but just hear me out.
2455 01:37:12 Can we talk inside?No.
2456 01:37:13 Oh, my...Look.
2457 01:37:14 Oh, my God.It's so romantic.
2458 01:37:17 I told him to keepit simple.
2459 01:37:18 Oh, our little girl.
2460 01:37:20 He's gonna get down to hisknee and keep it real simple.
2461 01:37:22 How do you know all this?
2462 01:37:23 I gave hima few pointers.
2463 01:37:25 Oh.
2464 01:37:27 This has been thehappiest year of my life.
2465 01:37:31 And fly! Go, go, go! Go!
2466 01:37:36 Oh, no.What?
2467 01:37:40 Ah.
2468 01:37:42 Oh, my God.
2469 01:37:45 Goose. God damn it.I said no go! No go!
2470 01:37:47 Oh, my...
2471 01:37:48 Oh, gosh. Wow.
2472 01:37:49 Why did he do that?Smart boy.
2473 01:37:50 Absolute fucking shit fest.
2474 01:37:53 Babe, I'm sosorry. Uh...
2475 01:37:58 Stephanie Fleming...
2476 01:38:00 will you...Are you proposing?
2477 01:38:02 Yeah.
2478 01:38:04 Mmm-hmm.
2479 01:38:05 Did my dad knowabout this?
2480 01:38:07 Yeah, I askedfor his blessing
2481 01:38:09 that first morningback in Cali.
2482 01:38:11 Oh, my God.
2483 01:38:13 Oh, my God!
2484 01:38:14 No wonder he actedso crazy. Honey.
2485 01:38:17 Yeah, that's why he wasa little out of whack.
2486 01:38:19 Yeah, we could have hada really nice holiday.
2487 01:38:22 I know. But we're allgood now. Okay?
2488 01:38:24 This is a lot.
2489 01:38:28 Oh, my God.Stephanie Fleming...
2490 01:38:30 That's a ring.
2491 01:38:32 Goose! No!
2492 01:38:39 And, go! Go, guys!Go, go, go!
2493 01:38:41 Stephanie!
2494 01:38:44 Oh, my God.
2495 01:38:57 Laird, what is Kissdoing here?
2496 01:39:01 Um, well...
2497 01:39:05 Is that...Whoa!
2498 01:39:06 He got look-a-likes!
2499 01:39:07 Those aren'tlook-a-likes, Ned.
2500 01:39:09 That's Gene and Paul.
2501 01:39:11 It's Gene and Paul!Gene and Paul!
2502 01:39:14 Oh, my God! Oh, God!
2503 01:39:16 Kiss is inthe front yard!
2504 01:39:17 Tonight
2505 01:39:20 I wanna give it all to you
2506 01:39:24 In the darkness
2507 01:39:26 Originally, I had this moreelaborate proposal plan
2508 01:39:28 but your dad gave methis awesome advice
2509 01:39:30 and told menot to do it.
2510 01:39:32 But they're here,
2511 01:39:33 and I know how muchyou love their music, so...
2512 01:39:35 What? Hi.
2513 01:39:37 I was madefor lovin' you, baby
2514 01:39:40 You were made for lovin' me
2515 01:39:44 And I can't get...
2516 01:39:50 Is he still proposing?What's...
2517 01:39:52 They've stoppedplaying now.
2518 01:39:53 - His name's Ned.- Oh, my God, are they...
2519 01:39:55 What?
2520 01:39:57 Are they coming in the...Oh, my God.
2521 01:39:58 They're coming upthe sidewalk!
2522 01:39:59 They're heading in!
2523 01:40:00 They're coming in our house!Oh, my God!
2524 01:40:01 Everybody act natural!Act naturally!
2525 01:40:04 I have to redecoratethe house!
2526 01:40:16 Hey.
2527 01:40:17 Hi.
2528 01:40:19 Hi.
2529 01:40:22 Uh, hi.
2530 01:40:24 - I'm Ned.- Hey, Ned.
2531 01:40:26 Hi!Hi!
2532 01:40:27 This is my wife, Barb.
2533 01:40:29 This is our friends,Lou and Patty.
2534 01:40:30 It's Lou.
2535 01:40:32 So excitedyou're here.
2536 01:40:33 I gotta tell you.Uh, we are huge fans.
2537 01:40:37 We've been members of the KissArmy for, like, 30 years now.
2538 01:40:41 Yeah. Our first date wasthe Crazy Nights Tour.
2539 01:40:43 Yeah! And, boy,was that crazy.
2540 01:40:46 Crazy.
2541 01:40:48 Did you get laid?
2542 01:40:52 Um...
2543 01:40:54 I gave him a handjob.
2544 01:40:57 Scotty.
2545 01:40:59 I'm havingan awesome time,
2546 01:41:01 but are you havinga buffet here?
2547 01:41:02 Oh, my God.What was I thinking?
2548 01:41:04 Are you hungry?Starving.
2549 01:41:05 Oh, God, of course!Where's our manners?
2550 01:41:07 We're terrible hosts.
2551 01:41:09 Let's get thoseguitars, guys.
2552 01:41:10 Come on,let me get that axe.
2553 01:41:12 See my body?
2554 01:41:13 Wow! Kiss isin our house!
2555 01:41:14 Yeah. I'm kind ofjuiced up a little bit.
2556 01:41:18 Oh! I almost forgotabout them.
2557 01:41:20 Well...The happy couple.
2558 01:41:22 Congratulations.
2559 01:41:24 She said no.
2560 01:41:26 I'm sorry, what?
2561 01:41:27 She said no.
2562 01:41:31 Well...
2563 01:41:33 Honey.
2564 01:41:35 I'm so flattered
2565 01:41:37 that you wanna marry me
2566 01:41:39 but I'm not readyfor that.
2567 01:41:44 And I'm gonnafinish school.
2568 01:41:45 For me.
2569 01:41:47 Because that's whatI wanna do.
2570 01:41:49 Got it?
2571 01:41:50 That's really smart.
2572 01:41:52 It's just,I had this big plan
2573 01:41:56 and it didn't work out.
2574 01:41:58 Yeah.Well, that's life, pal.
2575 01:42:02 That is sowell put, Ned.
2576 01:42:06 It's really,really smart.
2577 01:42:07 Dude, did youcome up with that?
2578 01:42:09 The words, "That's life?"
2579 01:42:11 Ned, you're so full ofpractical wisdom...
2580 01:42:15 I was just reallylooking forward
2581 01:42:16 to you beingmy father-in-law.
2582 01:42:17 Aw.
2583 01:42:19 I'm not breakingup with you.
2584 01:42:21 You're not?
2585 01:42:22 No, honey.
2586 01:42:24 No, no, no.I'm still your girlfriend.
2587 01:42:25 We're still together.
2588 01:42:27 Oh.
2589 01:42:29 Oh, thank God!
2590 01:42:31 Come here.
2591 01:42:43 Merry Christmas.
2592 01:42:44 Ned.Hey.
2593 01:42:45 Dude, your employeesare so cool.
2594 01:42:47 Yeah, they are.
2595 01:42:48 Maybe it was wrong of meto interfere like that,
2596 01:42:51 but why don't youlet me save your company?
2597 01:42:54 No, Laird,I can't.
2598 01:42:56 That old modeldoesn't work anymore.
2599 01:42:58 I guess...I don't know.
2600 01:43:00 I guess I just didn'twant to believe it.
2601 01:43:03 But since youmentioned it...
2602 01:43:04 I do have a business ideaI wanna run by you.
2603 01:43:07 Dude, elevator pitch me!
2604 01:43:08 Okay.
2605 01:43:11 No, hold on.
2606 01:43:12 This wasn't my idea at all.One second.
2607 01:43:15 - Scotty, come here.- Yo, what's up?
2608 01:43:17 Come here.Yeah?
2609 01:43:18 I want you to tell Lairdabout the business idea
2610 01:43:19 you mentionedon the plane.
2611 01:43:21 Go ahead.Wait, really?
2612 01:43:22 Yeah.
2613 01:43:23 Told you to get that seatat the table, bro.
2614 01:43:25 You did. He told me,Dad. He was, like...
2615 01:43:27 "You're gonnaget that seat."
2616 01:43:28 I can't believeI finally got the seat.
2617 01:43:29 Dragons andtitties, baby.
2618 01:43:31 Dragons and titties!
2619 01:43:33 Breathe that fire.
2620 01:43:34 Get up in there.
2621 01:43:36 Get upin those titties!
2622 01:43:38 Gonna get those dragons.
2623 01:43:40 Dad...
2624 01:43:42 Scotty!
2625 01:43:43 Stop motorboating your dad,and elevator pitch me.
2626 01:43:46 Sorry. Uh...
2627 01:43:48 Laird, I can't stop thinkingabout your toilets, dude.
2628 01:43:51 My toilets?Yeah.
2629 01:43:53 The fresh feeling,the scented talc.
2630 01:43:55 I was thinking if you canget the controls in English
2631 01:43:57 and maybe lower the pricepoint a little bit,
2632 01:43:59 we could havea potentially untapped
2633 01:44:00 market here in America.
2634 01:44:01 Oh, shit.Right?
2635 01:44:03 And look, we can contacta Japanese manufacturer
2636 01:44:05 about pricing...Ooh.
2637 01:44:06 No, Scotty. Pardon my French,but fuck that noise.
2638 01:44:09 Whoa.
2639 01:44:10 Listen. We have a factoryright here in Grand Rapids
2640 01:44:13 with 37 of the best employeesyou're ever gonna want.
2641 01:44:15 Let's build our own.
2642 01:44:18 Hells yes, Grateful Ned!Yeah!
2643 01:44:20 Boom!
2644 01:44:24 Okay, sorry. Yeah.
2645 01:44:30 The first noelthe angels did say
2646 01:44:36 Was to certain poor shepherdsIn fields as they lay
2647 01:44:41 In fields where they laykeeping their sheep
2648 01:44:47 On a cold winter's nightthat was so deep
2649 01:44:52 Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel
2650 01:44:54 It turned out to be a prettycool holiday after all, huh?
2651 01:44:58 It did, son.
2652 01:45:01 Dude.
2653 01:45:03 What?
2654 01:45:04 Told you you'd becalling me "son" by Christmas.
2655 01:45:06 Oh.
2656 01:45:07 That's justa figure of speech.
2657 01:45:09 Sure, Dad.
2658 01:45:17 Merry Christmas,I don't want to fight tonight
2659 01:45:31 Hello there, you gang!It is I, Gustav.
2660 01:45:34 It's so great to see you!
2661 01:45:36 Hey, what do you thinkof the new facial hair, huh?
2662 01:45:39 I'm based in Michigan now,so you know...
2663 01:45:41 I'm trying to do thiswhole kind of
2664 01:45:42 Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing.
2665 01:45:44 I wanted to fill it all out.
2666 01:45:46 So Scotty, Laird, and Nedtook the printing company...
2667 01:45:49 turned it intoa toilet factory...
2668 01:45:50 and it's going great!
2669 01:45:52 The toilet is water efficientund eco-friendly.
2670 01:45:55 It's state of the art.
2671 01:45:56 I'm telling you, they haveinvented the Tesla of toilets!
2672 01:46:00 It's amazing.
2673 01:46:01 Barbara has made surethat each toilet
2674 01:46:03 has a state of the artvaginal cleanse.
2675 01:46:05 You knowexactly what I'm saying.
2676 01:46:10 Every single modelcomes with Justine.
2677 01:46:11 Talk about a smart toilet.
2678 01:46:12 She knowsif you need a little sploosh
2679 01:46:14 or if you actually need
2680 01:46:15 the fountainsof the Bellagio up there.
2681 01:46:18 Scotty has finallygot his seat at the table.
2682 01:46:21 It's beautiful.
2683 01:46:22 He went a little too farwith the dragons,
2684 01:46:24 and the titties,and the motorboating.
2685 01:46:27 Oy vey.
2686 01:46:29 Oh, Miss Stephanie.
2687 01:46:30 She had the idea to linkthe Fleming-Mayhew company
2688 01:46:33 with the new foundation.
2689 01:46:35 So now, they're sponsoringsewage projects
2690 01:46:37 all over the Third World.I told you.
2691 01:46:40 Smart, smart, smart girl.
2692 01:46:43 So, things are working outreally well for the gang here.
2693 01:46:46 The company isa smashing success.
2694 01:46:48 And my dear Laird
2695 01:46:50 has finally gottenwhat he's always wanted.
2696 01:46:52 To be part of a family.
2697 01:46:57 All right, ciao for now,you friends.
2698 01:46:59 Until we meet again.
2699 01:47:00 Laird, it doesn't count asa sneak attack if I can see...
2700 01:47:02 Fuck you, Goose!Scheisse!
2701 01:47:07 I wanna rock and rollall night
2702 01:47:12 And party every day
2703 01:47:15 I wanna rock and rollall night
2704 01:47:19 And party every day
2705 01:47:25 You keep on sayingyou'll be mine for a while
2706 01:47:28 You're looking fancyand I like your style
2707 01:47:31 You drive us wild,we'll drive you crazy
2708 01:47:39 You show useverything you've got
2709 01:47:42 Baby, baby, it's quite a lot
2710 01:47:45 You drive us wild,we 'll drive you crazy
2711 01:47:52 You keep on shouting,you keep on shouting
2712 01:47:58 I wanna rock and rollall night
2713 01:48:04 And party every day
2714 01:48:06 I wanna rock and rollall night
2715 01:48:11 And party every day
2716 01:48:13 I wanna rock and rollall night
2717 01:48:17 And party every day
2718 01:48:19 I wanna rock and rollall night
2719 01:48:24 And party every day
2720 01:48:26 ^.^.^.^.subtitles by.^.^.^.^® Sud_Arun collections ®