邻家大贱谍 Keeping Up with the Joneses(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:25 [suspenseful music playing]
2 00:01:00 Us?“ I work in Human Resourcesor "HR," as some people call it.
3 00:01:04 And I have this posterin my office that says,
4 00:01:07 "Keep calm and go to your safe place."
5 00:01:10 Well, when I get a little stressed outor my anxiety spikes,
6 00:01:14 I close my eyesand picture my cu!-de-sac,
7 00:01:17 and my wonderful wife, Karen,and our two sons, Patrick and Mikey.
8 00:01:21 Because that's the place where I knoweverything is always okay.
9 00:01:26 No matter what.
10 00:01:32 [gentle music playing]
11 00:01:34 [Karen] Bye, Mikey, Patrick.Bye, you guys.
12 00:01:35 [indistinct chatter]
13 00:01:36 Ne?“ Bye, guys.
14 00:01:37 [Karen] You can text usthe minute you get to camp.
15 00:01:39 Yeah, okay.
16 00:01:40 And if you get any ticks,put it in the plastic baggie
17 00:01:42 with the date and time of the bite,and I'll get them tested.
18 00:01:45 Change your socks. Okay, guys?Change your socks.
19 00:01:47 We love you. We love you.We're gonna miss you.
20 00:01:49 - Love you guys!- Have so much fun!
21 00:01:51 Be strong!
22 00:01:53 [voice cracking] Be strong.
23 00:01:56 Oh. [sniffles]
24 00:01:59 [Karen] Did that bus driverlook sober to you, honey?
25 00:02:02 Because he gave me a really weird lookwhen I smelled his breath.
26 00:02:04 Well, I think you just startled him.
27 00:02:07 [Karen] Huh! Look, there's Meg.
28 00:02:08 Hey, M69-
29 00:02:10 - Whoo! I sold it.- Oh!
30 00:02:12 - That was so fast.- Thank you.
31 00:02:14 All cash buyers.
32 00:02:16 All cash buyers? That's fancy.
33 00:02:17 Yeah. And the best part is,they didn't even see it.
34 00:02:20 They just saw the pictures online.
35 00:02:22 I haven't even met themin person. It's crazy.
36 00:02:24 Who buys a housewithout seeing it first?
37 00:02:27 I know. Maybe it's a celebrity,you know?
38 00:02:29 Come on, Jeff.No celebrity is gonna move here.
39 00:02:32 I hope it's not some kind ofmeth lab situation.
40 00:02:35 Oh. There he is.
41 00:02:37 - Sorry.- Where have you been?
42 00:02:40 Kinko's was bananas.
43 00:02:42 [chuckles] It often is.
44 00:02:43 _H€Y-_H€Y-
45 00:02:44 So exciting. New neighbors, right?
46 00:02:46 Oh, and, Karen,I left your card in the foyer,
47 00:02:49 -just in case they want a decorator.- Thank you.
48 00:02:52 [inhales deeply] So, uh, did you tell
49 00:02:53 Jeff about my new ideafor the guest bathroom?
50 00:02:57 [hesitantly] No.
51 00:02:59 Artist's loft.
52 00:03:01 Think Brooklyn, okay?
53 00:03:03 Exposed brick,visible plumbing. And...
54 00:03:06 A urinal.
55 00:03:07 A urinal!
56 00:03:09 That's really for me.Meg wants me standing up again.
57 00:03:14 Well, I suppose I'd better get startedon the urinal. [chuckles]
58 00:03:18 [laughing] Yeah, no. I knowwhat you're getting started on.
59 00:03:22 -[laughing]- Empty house, kids are gone.
60 00:03:24 Wow-chick-a-wow-wow!
61 00:03:26 [Karen] Please.
62 00:03:27 -[Dan] Honeymoon.- All right, keep it PG, guys.
63 00:03:30 Well, we gotta goflyer the subdivision anyway.
64 00:03:33 -[Meg] We're gonna pound the pavement.-[Dan chuckling] Yeah.
65 00:03:36 - Jeff, you should try it hyena style.- We'll try it.
66 00:03:38 [shushes]
67 00:03:39 [laughing]
68 00:03:41 That's the noise I make.
69 00:03:44 I think Meg has changed upher medication, honey.
70 00:03:46 -[laughs] What's Dan's excuse then?-[laughs] Ugh.
71 00:03:49 Some of that stuffthey were saying was demented.
72 00:03:50 - Disgusting.-[chuckles] Yeah.
73 00:03:55 Phew! [clicks tongue]
74 00:03:56 But maybe they have a point.I don't know.
75 00:03:59 Alone in the house.
76 00:04:02 First time in a long time.
77 00:04:04 Yeah, I mean,we can do whatever we want.
78 00:04:12 ♪ NOW /-/-/-/ ♪
79 00:04:14 ♪ Don't know who you are a'
80 00:04:16 Whoa!
81 00:04:17 [Karen screams]
82 00:04:18 ♪ And /-/-/-/ ♪
83 00:04:20 ♪ Don't know if you gonna tell meBut I wanna know what your name is a'
84 00:04:24 ♪ And you-ou-ou-ou a'
85 00:04:27 ♪ Gonna make me fall in love with youIf you keep on shaking your hips ♪
86 00:04:30 ♪ Now can you do this?Yeah, I can do that 4'
87 00:04:37 [Karen sneezes]
88 00:04:38 ♪ Ooh, yeah a'
89 00:04:42 ♪ I can do that, yeah a'
90 00:04:52 privatize, uh, DVR-ed the, uh, Good Wife.
91 00:04:54 Great. I'll make popcorn.
92 00:04:59 [jaunty music playing]
93 00:05:01 -[male mover] Back it up.- You got it.
94 00:05:03 -[driver] How much room we got?-[male mover] Almost there.
95 00:05:05 [Jeff] Hey, Bernie.
96 00:05:06 New neighbors aren't wastingany time moving in, are they?
97 00:05:09 Nope.
98 00:05:12 You're gonna clean that up,right, Berno?
99 00:05:13 Always do.
100 00:05:14 Okay, have a good one.
101 00:05:18 Come on, guys. Let's get outta here.
102 00:05:20 Come on, fellas. Let's go. Come on.
103 00:05:31 Hi, Jack. Good morning.
104 00:05:32 Don't let anybody say that to youon a plane. "Hijack."
105 00:05:35 [chuckles] Good morning, anyway.
106 00:05:36 Morning.
107 00:05:37 [beeping]
108 00:05:39 Hi, Diane.
109 00:05:42 [beeps]
110 00:05:43 Jeff, good morning.
111 00:05:45 See those moving vans?
112 00:05:46 Oh. Couldn't miss them.
113 00:05:48 - Gosh!- So,
114 00:05:49 -any word on the new neighbors?- No.
115 00:05:51 - Anything?- Nothing.
116 00:05:53 Guarantee they're no Dave and Bridget.
117 00:05:54 Well, at least the summer'snot a total loss.
118 00:05:57 I mean, we got Junetoberfestto look forward to.
119 00:05:59 - Yes, we do.- And our jobs.
120 00:06:00 Always have our jobs.
121 00:06:02 By the way, how's it going upstairs?
122 00:06:04 Jesus, Jeff. You know I can'ttalk about what we do upstairs.
123 00:06:07 Yeah. I know. It's all right.
124 00:06:09 Uh... Hey, oh, by the way,
125 00:06:10 I still have those, uh,indoor skydiving
126 00:06:12 lessons if you wanna join me.
127 00:06:14 My treat.
128 00:06:15 Uh, this week's really hectic.Kid stuff. But, maybe.
129 00:06:18 Just text me. Or I'll text you.
130 00:06:20 Okay, we'll talk about it later.Have a good one.
131 00:06:22 -[Dan] All right.- Hey, Sheila. Good morning.
132 00:06:25 Morning, Louise.
133 00:06:27 Morning, Sharon.
134 00:06:28 Hi, Jeff. Dr. Fisher called.
135 00:06:30 Yeah? What did he say?
136 00:06:31 He said, "Please tell Jeff to stoptexting me about indoor skydiving."
137 00:06:35 He's joking. He's a riot. Hey, Doug.
138 00:06:42 [gentle music playing]
139 00:06:45 [knocking]
140 00:06:48 Hey, Sanjay-
141 00:06:49 Hey, uh, Jeff.Can I use your computer?
142 00:06:52 I need to reorder my anti-depressants.
143 00:06:53 Oi course. Mi computer, su computer.
144 00:06:55 [speaking Mandarin]
145 00:06:56 Where are you? Who's that?
146 00:06:58 Oh, this is Jeff.
147 00:07:00 Jeff lets me use his computer becausesecurity prohibits Internet upstairs.
148 00:07:04 And why does Jeff have Internet?
149 00:07:07 Because Jeff does unimportant work.
150 00:07:10 Human Resources.
151 00:07:12 Are we getting written up?'Cause I emailed him last night
152 00:07:15 and apologized.He said he was fine. And we have
153 00:07:18 -put this behind us.-It's all fine.
154 00:07:20 I wouldn't be doing my job if wedidn't go over a couple of exercises.
155 00:07:24 So, grab a stress ball.
156 00:07:27 [sighs] Really?
157 00:07:28 Okay, so, Margaret's gonnashow us, uh...
158 00:07:31 the, uh, meaning of trust.
159 00:07:34 - Hey, Sanjay?- Yeah?
160 00:07:36 Did I tell you that I ate ata Indian restaurant the other night?
161 00:07:40 Yeah, I had to calland make an Indian reservation.
162 00:07:43 Yang, tell Oren how he makes you feel.
163 00:07:50 Maybe you should just write us up.That might be easier.
164 00:07:52 I once knew an Indian who drankso much tea, he died in his "tea-pee."
165 00:07:57 [Sanjay] That was a good one.
166 00:07:58 Okay, Margaret. Go ahead.
167 00:08:01 [groans]
168 00:08:50 Wow.
169 00:08:52 [Yang] Yes, I do feellike you are jealous.
170 00:08:54 I can sense the resentment
171 00:08:56 every time I bring upgravitational perturbations.
172 00:08:59 Is that bad? That sounds bad.What is that? Is that like, uh--
173 00:09:01 Gravitational perturbations?That's a laugh!
174 00:09:04 Plus, what about my work?
175 00:09:06 I mentioned velocity vectorsone time...
176 00:09:07 [shushing]
177 00:09:08 [phone beeps]
178 00:09:10 One time,
179 00:09:11 and you try to get mebumped down to Dhameer's team?
180 00:09:13 [Yang] You were supposedto calculate...
181 00:09:18 [inaudible]
182 00:09:19 [Yang] This is all becauseI hooked up with Sharada.
183 00:09:21 [Oren] You what?You hooked up with Sharada Ganjali?
184 00:09:24 I'll kill you!
185 00:09:25 [grunting]
186 00:09:26 [clattering]
187 00:09:28 [Jeff] Oren, this is no wayto settle a workplace dispute!
188 00:09:31 Sharon, call security!
189 00:09:34 [happy music playing]
190 00:09:39 Hiya, Jeff!
191 00:09:43 - Karen.-[Karen] Hey, honey!
192 00:09:46 Hey, darling.
193 00:09:48 Still spying on the neighbors?
194 00:09:50 [music stops]
195 00:09:51 Hi, there. [chuckles]
196 00:09:52 [chuckles]
197 00:09:54 [sighs] Hello.
198 00:09:56 You must be Jeff.
199 00:09:58 I'm Tim. This is my wife, Natalie.
200 00:10:00 We're the Joneses! [laughs]Nice to meet you, Jeff.
201 00:10:03 Nice to meet you guys.Uh, that was a joke about spying--
202 00:10:05 It's a joke. I'd never spy on anyone.
203 00:10:08 We love humor.
204 00:10:09 [all chuckle]
205 00:10:10 [Karen] Humor...
206 00:10:12 So, Natalie was just telling me thatshe's a social media consultant.
207 00:10:16 Yeah. I also write a cooking blog.
208 00:10:18 Oh, I love blogs.
209 00:10:20 Yeah, and I work with a charityfor Sri Lankan orphans.
210 00:10:23 Those are my biggest passions.
211 00:10:25 Natalie's got a big heart.
212 00:10:26 Aw, thank you, baby.
213 00:10:30 Yeah, um...
214 00:10:32 - Why don't you tell them about, uh...- What?
215 00:10:33 She has passions too. Why don't youtell them about the urinal?
216 00:10:37 No, honey! [chuckles nervously]
217 00:10:38 It's nothing.
218 00:10:39 Oh, no, please. It sounds interesting.
219 00:10:41 I'm picking up a slight accent.Is that Pittsburgh, maybe?
220 00:10:44 - She's from Greece.- Oh, God. [laughs]
221 00:10:46 No, but we've lived all over.
222 00:10:48 And now, it's finally timeto plant some roots. Right?
223 00:10:51 Oh...
224 00:10:53 I can't tell you how excited we areto be here on Maple Circle.
225 00:10:56 Such a lovely street.
226 00:10:58 -[Tim] It really is.- Oh.
227 00:10:59 - Thank you.- We love it.
228 00:11:00 It's fascinating. In other cultures,they don't have anything like this.
229 00:11:03 No, they don't.
230 00:11:04 In Chinese, for example.
231 00:11:06 They don't even have a wordfor a street like this.
232 00:11:07 What'? For cm-de-sac'?
233 00:11:09 No. No. I mean, they would say...
234 00:11:11 [speaking Mandarin]
235 00:11:12 Which is, loosely,
236 00:11:14 -"happy place of heart and mind."- Right.
237 00:11:16 But it doesn't really capturethe essence of it, right?
238 00:11:19 But it's cool comingout of your mouth.
239 00:11:20 [all chuckling]
240 00:11:22 - Tim's a travel writer.- Oh! Really?
241 00:11:24 - Wow! We love to travel.- We do.
242 00:11:26 [Jeff] Yeah. We went to Epcot Centerlast summer, was it? Yeah.
243 00:11:29 You can go to every country,like, within three blocks.
244 00:11:32 Perfect. That's what we like about it.
245 00:11:34 We went with the boys over there.
246 00:11:35 [Karen] That's Patrick and Mikey.Patrick's leaning
247 00:11:37 against the wheel.He's just a real cuddler.
248 00:11:39 - They're beautiful.- Adorable.
249 00:11:41 Mikey, uh, made this.
250 00:11:43 - Oh! Wow!- What a talent!
251 00:11:44 - Speaking of which, we brought you...- Yes, yes.
252 00:11:47 ...a little something.
253 00:11:49 [both] What?
254 00:11:50 - That's amazing! Really?- Give me a break!
255 00:11:53 I made it myself.
256 00:11:54 -[Karen] You made it yourself?- Mmm-hmm.
257 00:11:58 Oh...
258 00:11:59 Wow. Look at this.
259 00:12:01 - What is this?- What is that?
260 00:12:02 A sculpture.
261 00:12:03 Tim blows his own glass.
262 00:12:04 Look at it in the light, honey.It sort of--
263 00:12:06 - That's gorgeous. Look at that.- Gorgeous.
264 00:12:08 - You made that?- Yeah,
265 00:12:09 it's a hobby I picked up in Hungary.
266 00:12:11 I wrote an article about this, uh,Hungarian glass-blowing master, Yorgi.
267 00:12:16 - Thank you. I don't know what to say.- Oh, you don't need to say anything.
268 00:12:18 Just put it right thereand use it as a conversation piece.
269 00:12:21 - That's cool. Thank you very much!- Thank you.
270 00:12:23 - Anyway, we should get going.- Yeah.
271 00:12:26 - Yeah. We should.- Oh. Okay.
272 00:12:27 Uh, I feel like I shouldgive you guys a gift.
273 00:12:30 I didn't know we were giving gifts.
274 00:12:31 - That's not necessary.- You want a stress ball?
275 00:12:33 No, you don't want a stress ball.That would be stupid.
276 00:12:34 I'd love a stress ball.
277 00:12:35 - Thank you.-[Karen] Yes! They really work.
278 00:12:37 Thank you.
279 00:12:38 - Let me just get this out of your way.- No, Jeff will get that.
280 00:12:40 - No, no, no.- That's nice.
281 00:12:41 It's all good. We're neighbors now.
282 00:12:43 [Natalie] All right.
283 00:12:45 Have you guys ever, uh, been toor heard of, uh, Junetoberfest?
284 00:12:50 - Junetoberfest?-[Jeff chuckling] Yeah.
285 00:12:52 You guys should really come.
286 00:12:53 It's our annual summer get-together.
287 00:12:55 The whole neighborhood comes.A really fun group.
288 00:12:57 A lot of us work together.
289 00:12:58 At MBI?
290 00:13:00 Yeah. We have a dart tournament.We have bratwurst.
291 00:13:03 I make my own home brew,which is my passion.
292 00:13:05 Good!
293 00:13:06 How'd you know that Jeff works at MBI?
294 00:13:08 Hmm?
295 00:13:09 Jeff must've mentioned it.Right, Jeff?
296 00:13:11 - No. No, he didn't.- That's okay, honey--
297 00:13:13 No, Jeff didn't mention it.
298 00:13:15 [all chuckling]
299 00:13:16 The stress ball.
300 00:13:17 [Tim] Must've been a lucky guess,I guess.
301 00:13:18 -[Jefi'] No, it's right there.- Lucky guess. Yeah, we should go.
302 00:13:21 It's getting late.Thank you so much for everything.
303 00:13:24 The coffee was delicious.
304 00:13:25 - Thank you.- And we'll see you at Junetoberfest!
305 00:13:29 [polka music playing]
306 00:13:31 [chattering]
307 00:13:32 [woman] So, let me show you a picture.This is Tyler.
308 00:13:34 And Tyler's gonna goto asthma camp this summer.
309 00:13:36 Oh, my God! He's so handsome!
310 00:13:39 [sizzling]
311 00:13:43 - Hiya, neighbor.- Hey.
312 00:13:46 [Meg] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
313 00:13:47 "Seared yellowtail
314 00:13:49 with lemon zest and ginger shavings."Who the hell made this?
315 00:13:51 [Karen] Natalie. Apparently,she can do everything.
316 00:13:54 I'm sorry, but who wears thatto a barbecue?
317 00:13:57 I mean, there are kids here.
318 00:13:58 Come on, Meg.It's just a summer dress.
319 00:14:00 It's a very short, very chic,extremely flattering summer dress.
320 00:14:06 Yeah, well, it's pornographic.
321 00:14:08 Oh. Look at Dan pretendingto check his email.
322 00:14:12 If I find pictures of her asson his phone, BJ night is canceled.
323 00:14:17 [Tim] So, anyway, there I am,
324 00:14:18 alone, in the middleof the Empty Quarter, all by myself,
325 00:14:21 with no water, dying of thirst.I'm literally
326 00:14:24 -writing a goodbye letter to Natalie.- Oh.
327 00:14:27 And what do I seecoming up over the horizon?
328 00:14:29 - But the exact same camel...-[all gasp]
329 00:14:31 Whose life I savedthree years earlier.
330 00:14:33 - Exact same one.- Did he remember you?
331 00:14:35 No. [laughing] No, Jeff.He didn't remember me. He's a camel.
332 00:14:38 [all laughing]
333 00:14:39 [Tim] But I was able to ride himinto civilization.
334 00:14:41 And I filed my story, with 15 minutesto spare, thank you very much.
335 00:14:44 Caught the next flight to Marrakesh
336 00:14:45 and was sitting in a café with Nataliesmoking hookah later that night.
337 00:14:48 - No way!- I wanna smoke a hookah in Marrakesh.
338 00:14:52 Well, Stacey,I know it sounds very romantic.
339 00:14:54 But, trust me, the world can bea very dark and disturbing place.
340 00:14:58 [Jeff] Tim, you want a beer?
341 00:14:59 Uh, sure. Yeah. Thank you.
342 00:15:01 - Here you go.- Ooh. There it is. [chuckles]
343 00:15:07 Mmm.
344 00:15:08 Wow, good job-- Ooh, ooh, ooh!Buddy, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Wow!
345 00:15:12 - That is a lot of blood.-[Jeff] It's fine. It's okay.
346 00:15:14 [Tim] Hold on, hold on, hold on.
347 00:15:15 It's just gushing a bit.
348 00:15:16 -[Tim] Just hold on to that.-[Jeft] Yes.
349 00:15:17 [Tim] Give me this.
350 00:15:18 -[Jeff]it's sprung a leak.-[Tim] Just...
351 00:15:20 - I feel a little bit light-headed.- Close your hand around it.
352 00:15:22 - If I could just maybe--- No!No!no!
353 00:15:24 [Dan] You can't rattle me.
354 00:15:26 Witness... Witness my destiny.
355 00:15:29 [exclaiming]
356 00:15:30 Neighborhood champ,five years in a row!
357 00:15:33 [chuckling]
358 00:15:35 Hey! You wanna give it a try?
359 00:15:37 - Me?- Yeah!
360 00:15:38 [chuckles] No,
361 00:15:39 - I'll only embarrass myself.-"No" is not an answer.
362 00:15:41 Come on. It's so easy.
363 00:15:42 - It's a bad idea.- Look,
364 00:15:44 I'll even show youthe famous Craverston grip, okay?
365 00:15:47 - All right.- Put that in your hand.
366 00:15:48 Now hold it like a pencil.
367 00:15:50 Now cock your wrist.
368 00:15:52 - Right.- Good, good. Elbow out.
369 00:15:54 And then you just kinda throw at it.
370 00:15:55 Like this?
371 00:15:57 This is good?
372 00:15:59 Well, you kinda throw like a girl.[chuckles]
373 00:16:01 But when a girl is as beautiful as youshe doesn't have to be good.
374 00:16:04 [laughing]
375 00:16:07 Do you mind if I skipthe Craverston grip?
376 00:16:10 [chuckles] Okay, good luck.
377 00:16:12 [laughing]
378 00:16:17 [suspenseful music playing]
379 00:16:26 Oh, my God! Look at that! [laughs]
380 00:16:30 Maybe I should show youhow to throw like a girl.
381 00:16:38 [cheeflng]
382 00:16:40 [Oren] Suck on that, Craverston.
383 00:16:42 [Dan] Shut up, Oren.
384 00:16:44 Where's your girlfriend?
385 00:16:46 [suspenseful music playing]
386 00:17:02 [Karen] Tim.
387 00:17:03 Oh, hey, Karen.I was just looking for the bathroom.
388 00:17:06 You were in Jeff's den.
389 00:17:08 Yeah. I must've made a wrong turn.
390 00:17:10 Um...
391 00:17:12 Lovely place you have here,by the way. You have a great eye.
392 00:17:14 Thank you.
393 00:17:15 Was that your design workI saw downstairs?
394 00:17:17 Jeff had mentioned somethingabout, uh, urinals. [chuckles]
395 00:17:20 Yes. Oh, well,the customer's always right.
396 00:17:22 - But, yeah, they are my drawings.-[Tim laughing]
397 00:17:24 Customer's always right.Except when they're not.
398 00:17:26 [chuckles]
399 00:17:27 - Oh, the bathroom's that way, Tim.- No, thank you, I'm fine.
400 00:17:33 [suspenseful music playing]
401 00:17:45 [Jeff] That was one ofthe best Junetoberfests
402 00:17:48 we have ever, ever had.
403 00:17:51 Have you ever seen a couplemove into a neighborhood
404 00:17:53 so nicely as the Joneses?
405 00:17:55 You don't you think there'ssomething off about them?
406 00:17:58 I mean, they're so overly
407 00:17:59 accomplished, and stylishand affectionate with one another.
408 00:18:04 Uh...
409 00:18:05 Why would they wanna live here?
410 00:18:06 Karen, they told you,they wanna settle down.
411 00:18:09 You know that he wasin your den today?
412 00:18:11 Yeah, so?
413 00:18:12 So, he can navigatethe bazaars of Marrakesh,
414 00:18:15 but he gets "lost upstairs"looking for a bathroom?
415 00:18:19 Karen, let me tell you somethingI learned years ago.
416 00:18:20 When people have to poop,they get embarrassed.
417 00:18:24 [chuckles] As do I, sometimes.
418 00:18:26 Really? You think he had to poop?
419 00:18:28 Probably, yes.
420 00:18:30 You know, if the Joneses seem a littlebit more affectionate than we do,
421 00:18:34 it's because they haven't had to mutetheir passions the way we have
422 00:18:37 'cause the kids have been around.
423 00:18:38 But now, it's our time.It's our summer. Watch my hand there.
424 00:18:42 And I think it's timeto get busy sexually.
425 00:18:46 ♪ Do-do-do-do... I
426 00:18:47 [chuckles]No. It tickles, honey. Honey!
427 00:18:49 - Honey, I know we said every second...- Come on!
428 00:18:50 Look at the time. Look how late it is.
429 00:18:51 It's traditional Gaffney foreplay.Let me just do it.
430 00:18:54 Come on, baby. Come on.
431 00:18:56 I'm so tired. But I pick up on things.
432 00:18:58 I was the one who noticedwhen the McNultys
433 00:19:00 were pirating the Yamamotos' cable.
434 00:19:03 Yes, and intuitionis a wonderful thing.
435 00:19:07 And take it from me,somebody who has had 16 years
436 00:19:11 of human resource experience,
437 00:19:13 that the Joneses are perfectly nice,normal, everyday people.
438 00:19:27 [Natalie in French accent]I didn't know what to do.
439 00:19:29 Smoke blows from the car, you know?Uh... So I figured
440 00:19:33 Americans are really good with car...Oh! You strong man!
441 00:19:37 [chuckling]
442 00:19:38 So you can help me out?
443 00:19:40 Absolutely.You came to the right guys.
444 00:19:43 We Americans are goodat a lot of things.
445 00:19:45 [chuckling]
446 00:19:47 [beeps]
447 00:19:52 [beeps]
448 00:20:30 [computer beeping]
449 00:20:48 [keyboard clacking]
450 00:21:14 [car approaching]
451 00:21:21 [car door closing]
452 00:21:28 [whispers] Jeff.
453 00:21:34 Jeff, wake up.
454 00:21:35 [Jeff snoring]
455 00:22:10 Who are you, Tim Jones?
456 00:22:13 ♪ Hey, Mr. Bartender 4'
457 00:22:16 ♪ Won't you be so slow? 4'
458 00:22:19 ♪ I got timeFor one more round I
459 00:22:21 ♪ And a six-pack to go a'
460 00:22:24 ♪ Tomorrow morning's Sunday A'
461 00:22:26 ♪ And I'm gonna be really low 4'
462 00:22:29 ♪ So, please,Mr. Bartender... A'
463 00:22:31 [clattering]
464 00:22:35 Sorry.
465 00:22:37 Neighbor!
466 00:22:39 - Hey, Jeff. This--- Oh, my goodness.
467 00:22:41 This is embarrassing.
468 00:22:42 Well, it happens.Jeepers, let me help you.
469 00:22:45 - Here you go.- Thanks.
470 00:22:46 What are you doing here?
471 00:22:48 I found your loveof home brewing contagious.
472 00:22:51 And I figured I could use a hobby.
473 00:22:54 Instead of glass blowing?
474 00:22:55 Right. Besides that. Besides that.
475 00:22:57 It's a cool hobby, but it's probablynot as manly as you'd like.
476 00:23:01 [chuckles] Hey, Ed.Set my friend up here.
477 00:23:04 He's gonna need some wort chillers,probably need some fizz drops.
478 00:23:07 - Give him some yeast.- You're the expert.
479 00:23:08 - Yup.- Don't let that yeast get infected.
480 00:23:10 - Okay.-[laughs] I'm kidding.
481 00:23:11 It's a joke.It's a yeast infection joke.
482 00:23:13 - Expensive hobby.-It's more of a calling, Tim.
483 00:23:17 - Hey, are you hungry?- I'm famished.
484 00:23:20 - You like Chinese?- The food?
485 00:23:23 Yeah.
486 00:23:32 [sighs]
487 00:23:33 Come on!
488 00:23:40 [cellphone beeps]
489 00:23:49 AUTOMATED VOICE: Spy force on.
490 00:24:07 [suspenseful music playing]
491 00:24:16 [Karen] I am leaving this messagein case anything happens to me.
492 00:24:19 I'm following Natalie Joneswho I have good reason to believe--
493 00:24:22 slrl on phone] Calling Natalie Jones.
494 00:24:24 No!
495 00:24:25 [phone line ringing]
496 00:24:26 No! No, no, no! Ugh!
497 00:24:29 Siri!
498 00:24:37 [Natalie] Thank you.
499 00:24:40 Have a nice day.
500 00:24:51 How's the book?
501 00:24:53 Interesting.
502 00:25:22 [speaking in foreign language]
503 00:25:23 Hi, there! Nice to see you.Yes, indeed.
504 00:25:25 That's is my friend, Jeff.This is Mr. and Mrs. Lu. Okay.
505 00:25:29 All right, we're gonna go on back.
506 00:25:31 I know! I feel like I've beenputting on a little too much.
507 00:25:33 Thank you. Come onback here, Jeff. Thank you.
508 00:25:39 I'm doing a little piece on,sort of, hidden gems around the city.
509 00:25:42 - Now, that place is good...- Yeah?
510 00:25:43 ...but this place is great.Come on, follow me.
511 00:25:45 [Jeff] Ooh...
512 00:25:47 It's good to get out of thecul-de-sac every now and again.
513 00:25:48 Well, it is, yeah.
514 00:25:49 - I love my cul-de-sac.- There he is.
515 00:25:51 I knew I felt your presence, man!
516 00:25:52 - What's up, brother?- How are you, pal?
517 00:25:54 This is my friend, Jeff.
518 00:25:55 Jeff, this is Ricky.He owns the place.
519 00:25:56 - Hi, Ricky, how are you?- What's up, Jeff?
520 00:25:57 You don't have to bow down.Don't be shy.
521 00:25:59 Come on in, man. This guy's stiff!
522 00:26:01 [chuckling]
523 00:26:03 Welcome to the Cobra Club.
524 00:26:05 [music playing on speakers]
525 00:26:09 Well, now,this is Jeff's first time. So...
526 00:26:11 Don't worry. We'll takegood care of him, man.
527 00:26:13 [Tim] Where do you want us?
528 00:26:14 -[Ricky] Right there, man.-[Tim] Thank you. I'll take a shéj/U.
529 00:26:17 "One?"[Tim] Yup
530 00:26:18 -[Jefi'] Yeah. Two.- Two?
531 00:26:19 - Whatever he's having.-[Ricky] Two shéj/Us coming up.
532 00:26:23 So? A little differentthan you were expecting?
533 00:26:25 I gotta tell you. Spice and Idon't sit very well together.
534 00:26:28 There's certain ramifications the nextday, you know, toilet-wise, but--
535 00:26:31 [chuckles]
536 00:26:33 This is not that.
537 00:26:34 Okay? It's not spicy,but this is the real stuff.
538 00:26:36 Oh, I'm ready.
539 00:26:38 Actually, it reminds meof when I went kayaking
540 00:26:39 down the Pearl River to Zhongshan.
541 00:26:42 It's just beautiful. A lot of places,
542 00:26:44 just like this.
543 00:26:46 You have a fascinating job.
544 00:26:48 - Come on. So do you, Jeff.- Yes.
545 00:26:51 I'm sure you couldtell me some stories.
546 00:26:53 I could tell you some storiesto make your skin crawl.
547 00:26:55 But I'm in HR.
548 00:26:57 There's a certain wallof secrecy around me, so...
549 00:26:59 You could tell me,but you'd have to kill me.
550 00:27:03 I'd probably just get in troublefrom corporate.
551 00:27:04 You wouldn't actually kill me.It's just an expression.
552 00:27:07 [chuckle]Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
553 00:27:09 - Here we go. All right.- Okay.
554 00:27:10 Look at all theselittle ethnic condiments.
555 00:27:13 - So cool.- That is...
556 00:27:14 - Soy sauce.- Soy sauce.
557 00:27:16 Try this. Mmm...
558 00:27:18 [Jeff] Okay.
559 00:27:21 Mmm...
560 00:27:22 Wow! That's good!
561 00:27:24 What is that? That looks like a snake.
562 00:27:26 [Ricky] Shéjifl, man.
563 00:27:27 Snake wine.
564 00:27:29 That's real cobra.
565 00:27:30 The alcohol neutralizesmost of the venom.
566 00:27:32 [Ricky] Yeah, in Guangdong,old dudes say
567 00:27:34 you drink snake wine,makes your sack hang real low, man.
568 00:27:37 Does it?
569 00:27:38 [Tim laughing]
570 00:27:39 Do you have a Arnold Palmer by chance?
571 00:27:43 You guys want to hearabout tonight's offering?
572 00:27:45 Yes. Show us what you got. Thank you.
573 00:27:48 Where did you find this place? Yelp?
574 00:27:51 It's my job to find places like this.
575 00:27:53 I talk to people, I go places.And when I find a place that I like,
576 00:27:56 I like to share it with people I like.
577 00:27:57 Shéj/U! Okay, that's a live snake!
578 00:28:00 Yes, Jeff. It's a snake restaurant.
579 00:28:02 Yeah, but Panda Express,they don't serve panda.
580 00:28:06 Do they?
581 00:28:07 They call this "the 100-pace viper,"
582 00:28:09 because if it bites you, that's howfar you're gonna get, man.
583 00:28:12 - Is that true?-[Tim] No!
584 00:28:14 It's not true.
585 00:28:15 It's probably closer to 5O paces,
586 00:28:17 -honestly. It's very potent.- Pretty bad, man.
587 00:28:19 I'm afraid of snakes.I'll eat 'em. But, I'm so sorry.
588 00:28:21 Ricky knows what he's doing.He's very good at his job.
589 00:28:23 Come on, sit down, okay?Just let him do his thing.
590 00:28:26 - Yes.- You're in good hands.
591 00:28:27 - Yes.- Okay? Trust me.
592 00:28:30 [gasps]
593 00:28:31 You're gonna wanna keepyour hands away from the head,
594 00:28:33 'cause it can actually still bite you.So, just be very careful.
595 00:28:36 Can I have a vegetable spring roll?
596 00:28:37 [Tim] Buddy...
597 00:28:39 You're gonna be just fine. Here.
598 00:28:40 - A little more of that.- Yeah.
599 00:28:42 - Yeah.- Okay? This is good.
600 00:28:48 - We might need another bottle of this.-[Jefi'] Yeah.
601 00:28:50 Let's go ahead and get loosened up.
602 00:28:52 -[Tim] Yeah. Snake it up.- Yeah.
603 00:28:55 [cellphone ringing]
604 00:28:59 One second. That's Karen. Hello?
605 00:29:02 Remember I told you somethingwas off about the Joneses?
606 00:29:04 Well, my instincts were right.
607 00:29:06 I just followed Natalie to the malland I have two words for you.
608 00:29:08 [blade thudding]
609 00:29:09 Sarah Palin.
610 00:29:11 And guess what?
611 00:29:13 There is a Chinese wordfor cul-de-sac. It's...
612 00:29:15 [speaking Mandarin]
613 00:29:16 I'm sorry, I'm havinga hard time hearing you.
614 00:29:18 The point is, the Jonesesare not who they say they are.
615 00:29:22 [blade thudding]
616 00:29:24 [hissing]
617 00:29:26 Okay. Hold on. I'm sorry.
618 00:29:30 Karen, I'm-I'm actually,lunching with, uh, Tim right now.
619 00:29:33 There's nothing weirdgoing on whatsoever. I think...
620 00:29:36 [chirping]
621 00:29:38 I think you're just sublimatingyour anxiety about the kids.
622 00:29:40 You're having insecuritiesabout, you know, your career--
623 00:29:42 Don't even begin to go there!
624 00:29:44 I don't throw your man crushin your face.
625 00:29:46 I don't have a man crush!I don't have a man crush.
626 00:29:49 I had it once in my life,when I was a boy.
627 00:29:52 - You mean Bruce?- She likes to be called Caitlyn.
628 00:29:55 [suspenseful music playing]
629 00:30:20 [Natalie] No, no, no,you're absolutely right.
630 00:30:23 - Hello, Karen.- Natalie!
631 00:30:26 What a surprise!
632 00:30:27 You've got no clothes on.You're on the phone.
633 00:30:30 I'm gonna go.
634 00:30:32 To be continued.
635 00:30:37 I was just leaving Tim a voice mail.
636 00:30:39 Oh... [chuckles]
637 00:30:40 He likes to hear from mewhen I'm trying on lingerie.
638 00:30:44 I tell him what I'm putting on,how it looks.
639 00:30:49 How it makes me feel.
640 00:30:51 [chuckles] It looks great!I'm sure he...
641 00:30:52 I'm sure he's happy to know that.
642 00:30:55 [chuckles] Tell him from me.
643 00:30:56 Yeah, it's one of our things.Keeps the spark alive.
644 00:31:00 [whispers] Do you and Jeffhave a thing?
645 00:31:02 Yes, Jeff and I have a thing.
646 00:31:05 We...
647 00:31:08 We do it really fast in casethe kids come running into our room.
648 00:31:12 Sounds like you're very sexual people.
649 00:31:15 - But your kids are gone, aren't they?- Uh, yeah. Yeah.
650 00:31:18 Time for something new.Is that why you're buying lingerie?
651 00:31:23 Yes.
652 00:31:24 Let's see what you decided on.
653 00:31:26 [chuckles] No.I mean, I just-- It's just stuff.
654 00:31:29 Come on. Show mewhat you think is sexy.
655 00:31:32 They're for Jeff's mom.
656 00:31:33 She's morbidly obese.She drives around on a scooter.
657 00:31:35 - I feel really bad for...-[shushing]
658 00:31:38 Let's be real with one another, okay?
659 00:31:42 [Jeff] And he's datingSheila Rondowski,
660 00:31:43 I think is her name, on the sly,
661 00:31:46 which is a big no-no,'cause she's his superior.
662 00:31:47 Sure.
663 00:31:49 This stuff is so good, Tim.It's delicious.
664 00:31:50 - Didn't I tell you?- Mmm-m.
665 00:31:52 I tell ya... Listen. It is impressivehow people open up to you.
666 00:31:56 - They tell you a lot.- They do.
667 00:31:58 It sounds like they complaina lot, but...
668 00:31:59 Oh, gosh! It comes with the territory.I'm fine with it. But, yes.
669 00:32:03 Let me ask you this.
670 00:32:04 Does anybody ever sayto you in confidence
671 00:32:08 how much they hate the company?
672 00:32:09 Ricky, let's get some more wine!
673 00:32:11 Hold a grudge? Anything like that?
674 00:32:13 Sara Patel, she hasirritable bowel syndro--
675 00:32:16 Excuse me. She hasirritable bowel syndrome.
676 00:32:19 There's a lot of co-workers,too, that sit near the bathroom.
677 00:32:21 Sometimes, we're all irritatedby your bowels, Sara.
678 00:32:23 Everybody on the fourth floor knows.
679 00:32:25 But that's not what I'm talking about.
680 00:32:26 Is there ever a situationwhere somebody seems
681 00:32:28 like they came into a lot of money,
682 00:32:30 or they, you know,they bought a new car or new clothes?
683 00:32:32 - Looks like they won the lottery?- Yes.
684 00:32:34 - Or hit the jackpot?- Yeah.
685 00:32:35 - Yeah? Who's that?- Sanjay. He bought a Grillbot.
686 00:32:37 What's that?
687 00:32:41 That's the guy I work with.His name's Sanjay.
688 00:32:43 No, I know what Sanjay is.What's a Grillbot?
689 00:32:46 Oh, grillbot is like-- lt'sjust a...
690 00:32:48 It's just a-- What it is, is a robotthat cleans your barbecue grill.
691 00:32:51 You just put it in your grill,you shut the lid,
692 00:32:53 and it just kind of ruminates in thereand gets all the little coal pieces,
693 00:32:57 the little icky pieces up.And it's, you know, spick and span!
694 00:33:00 It's like a Roomba for your grill.flaughs]
695 00:33:02 I'm thinking more of like the--Like, like... More expensive.
696 00:33:06 These are $99, Tim. Expensive stuff.
697 00:33:09 Right.
698 00:33:10 But you gotta make sure the grill'soff. Sanjay didn't do that.
699 00:33:12 Are we done talkingabout the Grillbot?
700 00:33:14 If you're not gonna eat this,I'm gonna eat this.
701 00:33:16 No, no, no, go ahead.Take what you like.
702 00:33:18 The thing is,
703 00:33:19 is he voided the warrantyon the Grillbot and the grill.
704 00:33:23 Jesus, Jeff! Ricky!
705 00:33:26 Oh, God! Put it down. Ricky!
706 00:33:27 Oh, man! I've never seen that before.
707 00:33:29 Go find the shot!
708 00:33:30 The antivenom. Go get it!
709 00:33:32 Hey, little buddy!
710 00:33:33 Oh, my God. No, no, no, no.No,no.Hey
711 00:33:36 He's snacking on my hand.
712 00:33:37 Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
713 00:33:38 All right. Get it out!
714 00:33:40 We're all gonnahave to have a relationship.
715 00:33:42 Hold on. We're gonna get the antivenomokay, Jeff? Hold on a second.
716 00:33:46 You got it? All right.Hold on, hold on.
717 00:33:48 [laughing]
718 00:33:50 - How does that feel, buddy?- Huh?
719 00:33:51 How does that feel?
720 00:33:54 That's good.
721 00:33:57 Now this would be incredible on you.
722 00:33:59 Perfect, I'll take it.
723 00:34:01 You're not being fun, Karen.
724 00:34:03 I want you to forget everything youheard about functional breast support.
725 00:34:07 [chuckles nervously]
726 00:34:09 Why are you so nervous?
727 00:34:11 Hmm?
728 00:34:13 Is it because we're two womentrying on lingerie together?
729 00:34:18 Or because I knowyou were following me today?
730 00:34:21 I wasn't following. What? No! No!
731 00:34:23 I was at the mall. I was shopping.I wonder if they have this in yellow.
732 00:34:26 - Jeff's favorite color is yellow.- I'm not stupid, Karen.
733 00:34:29 You're right to follow me.
734 00:34:32 To be thinking that this womanis not who she pretends to be.
735 00:34:36 Because I'm hiding something.
736 00:34:39 You are?
737 00:34:41 So are you.
738 00:34:42 [exhales] We're so alike, you and I.
739 00:34:46 Two strong, sexually vibrant women.And yet, here we are.
740 00:34:51 Forced to bury our true selvesfrom the Meg Craverstons of the world.
741 00:34:55 What's Meg got to do with this?
742 00:34:57 Oh, come on, Karen.
743 00:34:58 I hear the way she talks about mewhen she thinks I'm not looking.
744 00:35:01 Hating me for the way I look,
745 00:35:03 as if perfect bone structure andflawless skin is something I can help!
746 00:35:07 [scoffs]
747 00:35:09 I may not need to moisturize,but I still have feelings.
748 00:35:13 I didn't know about the feelings.
749 00:35:16 That's why women like usneed to stick together.
750 00:35:19 Not follow each other in malls.
751 00:35:22 Do you Kegel?
752 00:35:24 - Kegel?- Mmm-hmm.
753 00:35:25 You mean the exercisesfor the lady parts?
754 00:35:28 Strength has to start somewhere.
755 00:35:30 [stammering] Not-- I don't.
756 00:35:32 [gasping]
757 00:35:34 In fact, I'm doing some right now.
758 00:35:39 I could crack a walnut down there,if I needed to.
759 00:35:43 Have you ever had any need to?
760 00:35:45 Now you go.
761 00:35:47 - I couldn't crack anything down there.- Are we still hiding?
762 00:35:50 Come on, Karen.Just... channel your power.
763 00:35:54 Okay. I'll do it. I'll try.
764 00:35:57 [breathing heavily]
765 00:35:59 [sighs moans]
766 00:36:01 I did it! I felt it!
767 00:36:04 How was that?
768 00:36:06 Work in progress.
769 00:36:07 Now, you have a choice.
770 00:36:12 Which Karen do you wanna be?
771 00:36:15 Karen, the meek?
772 00:36:19 Or Karen, the strong?
773 00:36:22 [music playing, faint]
774 00:36:23 - Sure you're okay?- I'm okay. Yeah.
775 00:36:26 You saved my life.
776 00:36:29 And that was some good snake.
777 00:36:31 [both chuckling]
778 00:36:32 I'm embarrassed though.
779 00:36:34 Little drunk.
780 00:36:36 You had me worried there for a second.
781 00:36:38 Get yourself cleaned up.I'll get the check.
782 00:36:40 I know what you're doing, Tim.
783 00:36:44 [chuckles] What am I doing, Jeff?
784 00:36:46 I read people for a living.That's what I do.
785 00:36:49 And, you know, you get me drunkon snake wine
786 00:36:51 and get me to open upand tell you secrets.
787 00:36:55 You...
788 00:36:58 are trying to make a friend.
789 00:37:03 I got a lot of friends, Jeff.
790 00:37:04 Yeah, but you have a lotof secrets locked inside of you.
791 00:37:07 I think that's why you might be oneof the loneliest guys I've ever met.
792 00:37:13 Now, what do you haveto say about that?
793 00:37:17 You wanna know something about me?
794 00:37:23 Sometimes I hate what I dofor a living.
795 00:37:26 [sighs]
796 00:37:28 But doesn't that feel good?
797 00:37:30 To express yourself?
798 00:37:34 [sighs]
799 00:37:36 [chuckles]
800 00:37:38 - Is this us bonding now?- No, this is us talking.
801 00:37:41 You want bonding?I'll show you bonding.
802 00:37:44 You're gonna look at me.I'm gonna button you up.
803 00:37:46 Okay. Okay. That's loud.
804 00:37:55 [Tim] Whoa!
805 00:37:56 [grunts]
806 00:37:59 [Tim] Jesus, you do this for fun?
807 00:38:00 '90tv0u,okay?
808 00:38:02 [happy music playing]
809 00:38:14 [Jeff] Isn't this a blast?
810 00:38:16 [Tim] Yeah!
811 00:38:18 [Jeff cheering]
812 00:38:39 [door closes]
813 00:38:40 - Hey, Karen! Karen?- Hey, I'm here!
814 00:38:43 Hi, Karen. How are you?I brought you some flowers.
815 00:38:45 Oh, thank you, honey!
816 00:38:47 You're not gonna believethe day that I had.
817 00:38:49 Guess who likes beinga man-bird as much as I do?
818 00:38:51 - Who?- Tim Jones.
819 00:38:53 Look at that. Why are you wearinga robe? Are you sick?
820 00:38:54 Oh, nice. Honey,
821 00:38:56 I'm just thinking.What am I really doing this summer?
822 00:38:58 I mean, I sent the kids away to camp,I'm redesigning bathrooms.
823 00:39:02 Is that what makes me happy?
824 00:39:04 Is that what makes me,Karen Gaffney, complete?
825 00:39:07 Okay, well, listen,if you wanna feel complete,
826 00:39:10 there's some exercisesI do at work with the guys...
827 00:39:12 Honey, no. They don't work.
828 00:39:14 Now, I've lost touchwith the real Karen.
829 00:39:18 And then these amazingnew neighbors move in
830 00:39:21 and with me feeling so vulnerable,it's only natural
831 00:39:23 that I would get suspiciousand find fault with them.
832 00:39:26 But really, I just feel likeI should be focusing on me.
833 00:39:31 And on us.
834 00:39:34 [Latin music playing]
835 00:39:36 [whispers] Sweet baby Jesus,what's happening?
836 00:39:38 Natalie said we needed a thingto keep our spark alive.
837 00:39:40 You've been talking to Natalieabout us sexually?
838 00:39:42 No, obviously.I didn't tell her anything, honey.
839 00:39:45 No, I just meanshe's unusually intuitive.
840 00:39:47 - For a Greek.- Right.
841 00:39:48 And she just thinksthat once you're married
842 00:39:50 at a certain point,you have to make more of an effort.
843 00:39:52 This is the Karen that I--This is the Karen that I love.
844 00:39:55 I really do. Take me.
845 00:39:57 Take me, darling. [breathes heavily]
846 00:40:00 Okay.
847 00:40:01 [moaning]
848 00:40:02 Oh!
849 00:40:04 Shoot, honey.
850 00:40:07 It was the conversation piece.
851 00:40:10 Don't worry about it.
852 00:40:12 [Jeff] Oh...
853 00:40:16 What is that?
854 00:40:17 I don't know. It doesn't matter.Come on.
855 00:40:19 It's okay. It doesn't matter.
856 00:40:21 [gasps] You know what, honey?We need to go back to our lovemaking.
857 00:40:24 - Where were we?- Yeah, okay.
858 00:40:25 - It's so hot! It's so hot!- Yeah. Okay, I-- Should I grope you?
859 00:40:29 - Great!- Yeah.
860 00:40:30 Let's go back. Oh, Jeff, Jeff!
861 00:40:32 - It's so hot!- So, you are sick?
862 00:40:35 You know what?I'll tell you what we should do.
863 00:40:38 We should put on a soundtrackfor our passion.
864 00:40:40 You want a little passion music?This calls for The Judds.
865 00:40:43 - We're gonna put on some music.- Okay.
866 00:40:44 [pop music blaring]
867 00:40:45 I'm going to put the wine glassesin the dishwasher.
868 00:40:47 Right. Okay, so you got--You wanna narrate!
869 00:40:49 Okay. All right. I got you. So...
870 00:40:51 And then... This is so much fun!
871 00:40:53 [garbage disposal whirring]
872 00:40:54 The blood leaves Jeff's head
873 00:40:56 and slowly makes its wayto his midsection.
874 00:40:59 I don't know why we're in the closet.
875 00:41:01 -[Jefi'] It seems very un-erotic to me.-[Karen] Honey, listen!
876 00:41:02 Listen! Becauseour neighbors bugged us!
877 00:41:04 Told you somethingwas wrong with them.
878 00:41:06 Makes a little more sensewhat Tim was doing in your den.
879 00:41:08 And do not tell methat he had to poop.
880 00:41:09 He did not have to go number two.
881 00:41:12 [whispering] And now I knowwhat Natalie was doing at the café.
882 00:41:15 It was a drop!
883 00:41:16 A drop? What are you talking about?
884 00:41:18 I can't believe she duped meinto this lingerie.
885 00:41:20 But she was in her underwearand I was in my underwear and--
886 00:41:22 Oh, my God! She was so persuasive.
887 00:41:25 Wait. You were both in yourunderwear at the same time?
888 00:41:26 Get your mind out of the gutter!It was a charade!
889 00:41:28 Okay, Karen, I just wanna make surethis isn't another case of paranoia.
890 00:41:31 Remember the time you made me sleep inthe car 'cause I ate that hot pepper
891 00:41:33 and you thought I was possessed?
892 00:41:35 Your eyes were all red. You weretrying to have sex on a school night.
893 00:41:37 I know, but it was just the jalapeeno.That's my point.
894 00:41:39 [exhales] God! We gotta call the cops!
895 00:41:41 Call the cops and tell them what?Our neighbors bugged the house?
896 00:41:43 - Yes!- That sounds crazy!
897 00:41:45 What happens whenwe really need the cops?
898 00:41:47 They won't come to our house. Why?
899 00:41:48 Because we're on some kindof crazy list. That's crazy.
900 00:41:50 You're right. We need more evidence.
901 00:41:53 - And it's a jalapefio.- Karen. Karen!
902 00:41:59 [Jeff] Karen!
903 00:42:01 Kar-- Karen, look.
904 00:42:04 I know that you missMikey and Patrick,
905 00:42:05 but parents weekendis not for two weeks.
906 00:42:07 [shushing] Get down!
907 00:42:08 [whispering] Parents weekendisn't for two weeks.
908 00:42:10 Maybe we can do somebreathing exercises to center you.
909 00:42:13 Jeff, I don't need to do any deepbreathing exercises! I'm centered!
910 00:42:17 [Karen whispering]It's quiet over there.
911 00:42:19 It's too quiet.
912 00:42:22 They're probably watching us,watching them.
913 00:42:23 They're not watching us! They're ata restaurant with Stacey Chung.
914 00:42:27 How do you know that?
915 00:42:29 Because we talked about itat the indoor skydiving place!
916 00:42:31 Why didn't you tell me?
917 00:42:33 [Jeff whispering] Karen, stop!
918 00:42:34 Darling, stop, please!Think about what you're doing.
919 00:42:37 You'll go to jailfor something like this.
920 00:42:38 Only if I get caught.
921 00:42:39 See? No fingerprints.
922 00:42:41 Now, people move in,they always change the locks,
923 00:42:43 but they never changethe garage remote.
924 00:42:46 I forgot to give it back when Bridgetand Dave went to Myrtle Beach
925 00:42:48 and asked me to feed Smokey.
926 00:42:51 [garage door opening]
927 00:42:55 Are you coming?You're gonna need to cover your hands.
928 00:42:58 [Jeff] Cover my hands? With what?
929 00:43:00 [Karen] Use your socks.
930 00:43:03 Oh, God! It looks like a show home.
931 00:43:07 - They painted over Bridget's mural.- That's a real tragedy.
932 00:43:11 Look, there's nothing weird here.Let's go, let's go!
933 00:43:16 [Jeff] Karen! There are windowseverywhere. Get down! Get down!
934 00:43:19 So weird.
935 00:43:22 [Karen whispers] Stand up!
936 00:43:26 These pots have never seena lick of flame.
937 00:43:28 Little weird for someonewith a cooking blog, huh?
938 00:43:30 [whispering] Well, it's a new house,new pots. It makes sense to me.
939 00:43:33 And an empty spice rack. She wowsthe neighbors with her appetizers.
940 00:43:36 No spices.
941 00:43:37 Neverjudge a womanby her spice rack, Karen.
942 00:43:40 Check for stuff aboutSri Lankan orphans.
943 00:43:42 I bet that's another web of lies!
944 00:43:47 [exhaling]
945 00:43:49 Sorry, Tim, for breakinginto your house.
946 00:43:52 I just wanted to be your friend.
947 00:43:54 This certainly isn'ta friendly gesture.
948 00:43:55 You know what, honey? I can hear you.
949 00:43:57 And it hurts my feelingswhen you're not supportive.
950 00:43:59 [Jeff] Karen, this is ridiculous!
951 00:44:02 It's gotta be here somewhere.
952 00:44:06 [Jeff] Karen! Karen, Karen, Karen!
953 00:44:09 [Karen] Look at them. So perfect.
954 00:44:19 Karen, come on, let's go.
955 00:44:21 [Karen] Look at this.
956 00:44:22 [Jeff] Okay. So, they're gamers.Let's go.
957 00:44:31 Karen! Don't! What are you doing?
958 00:44:34 [Karen] Stacey Chung.Isn't she out with the Joneses?
959 00:44:37 Yeah.
960 00:44:39 [Karen] Ted Wallace.
961 00:44:40 He works with you, right?
962 00:44:41 Yeah. Maybe it's just somekind of social media thing.
963 00:44:44 Dhameer Mustafa?
964 00:44:46 There's Dan.
965 00:44:48 Sanjay.
966 00:44:50 [gasps]
967 00:44:57 Oh, God! They're targeting MBI.
968 00:45:00 There's some kind of missile.
969 00:45:02 These are all the peoplehe was asking me about.
970 00:45:04 Oh, my God! I told him everything.
971 00:45:06 - Oh, God.- We've gotta go.
972 00:45:07 Switch down the computer, honey.
973 00:45:08 [Karen] We gotta get out of here.
974 00:45:10 I can't get any purchase on the mousebecause I have a sock hand.
975 00:45:13 - Okay, hold on.- Switch it off! Put it back.
976 00:45:14 - Karen... [shushing]- Put it back the--
977 00:45:16 No! You don't understand!They're spies.
978 00:45:18 -[Jeft] Karen, please, okay? Just shh!- We gotta go right now!
979 00:45:20 [Jeff] I need to writethese names down.
980 00:45:21 What are you doing? We gotta go!
981 00:45:23 They could be back at any second.
982 00:45:25 What are you staring at?
983 00:45:27 What is that? A pen?
984 00:45:28 What?
985 00:45:30 - What?- You have a...
986 00:45:35 Oh, God! Oh, my God! Now what?
987 00:45:37 Oh, shit, I killed her.
988 00:45:38 Karen!
989 00:45:40 - Karen!-[groaning]
990 00:45:42 Oh, thank God!
991 00:45:43 Honey
992 00:45:47 Okay, we gotta go. Karen, wake up!
993 00:45:49 [groaning]
994 00:45:52 [Jeff panting]
995 00:45:56 [panting]
996 00:45:58 Oh, God.
997 00:46:00 Okay. Okay. Damn!
998 00:46:06 [Karen groaning]
999 00:46:07 Sorry. Sorry.
1000 00:46:09 -[Karen] You're welcome, baby.- Okay.
1001 00:46:11 [Karen blows raspberries]
1002 00:46:12 [door opens]
1003 00:46:14 - You're so cute!- Karen, shh!
1004 00:46:16 [Karen shushing]
1005 00:46:17 Okay. Okay.
1006 00:46:19 Why are you shushing me?They haven't any dogs.
1007 00:46:23 [Jeff panting]
1008 00:46:28 [Natalie] I thought Chili'swas supposed to be fancy.
1009 00:46:31 Yeah, I don't think you ordered well.
1010 00:46:35 [Karen] Whee!Remember when we were in college,
1011 00:46:37 and your parents, they almost caughtus in the bushes, and we hid!
1012 00:46:41 [Jeff] Yeah.
1013 00:46:43 Wait, I met you after college.
1014 00:46:46 [Karen] Oh, my Gad!
1015 00:46:48 It's almost like our wedding night.
1016 00:46:50 [Jeff] Why did we do that?What are we doing?
1017 00:46:52 What do we do?
1018 00:46:53 Jeff, you're being so serious!
1019 00:46:54 [Jeff shushing]
1020 00:46:56 - I'm Jeff. I'm so serious.- Karen, Karen, Karen!
1021 00:46:59 - Why are you being so serious?- Okay. [shushing]
1022 00:47:03 - Stop licking me!- Yeah.
1023 00:47:04 Okay, listen. Oh, shit!
1024 00:47:06 Shit.
1025 00:47:08 -[Karen] I'm getting on top!_l__
1026 00:47:10 I'm getting on top.
1027 00:47:11 -[Jefi'] Karen! Karen! Karen!- I'm on top!
1028 00:47:13 [Jeff] That makes me feel weird.Karen, please.
1029 00:47:15 I'm not into this right now,sweetheart.
1030 00:47:16 I'm not really into this.
1031 00:47:19 -[Karen] Cuddle me.- No cuddling! Our neighbors are spies!
1032 00:47:21 -[Jefi'] Our neighbors are spies.- I wanna cuddle. Cuddle me.
1033 00:47:24 Look at them up there.
1034 00:47:26 Probably going upstairs to make sex,and they won't even think about us.
1035 00:47:31 You broke my heart, Tim Jones.
1036 00:47:33 [sighs]
1037 00:47:35 You broke my heart.
1038 00:47:37 I'm just saying,the place is called Chili's.
1039 00:47:39 -It's a Mexican place.- I can't believe...
1040 00:47:40 - I don't know why you would...-...we're still talking about that.
1041 00:47:42 ...order anything remotely Asian.
1042 00:47:43 Okay. I guess we can cross off Stacey.
1043 00:47:47 She's not going to give us anything.
1044 00:47:49 Hey, do you know what a Grillbot is?
1045 00:47:52 What?
1046 00:47:53 It's this thing. Jeff was telling meabout it the other day.
1047 00:47:55 It's this little robotthat cleans your barbecue--
1048 00:47:58 I hope this is not going to bea problem.
1049 00:48:01 What?
1050 00:48:07 First rule of what we do. Don't gettoo close to your targets. Remember?
1051 00:48:11 Actually...
1052 00:48:12 the first rule of what we do, is tonot fall in love with your partner.
1053 00:48:17 Right? Wasn't that the first rule?
1054 00:48:20 Tim Jones.
1055 00:48:23 What am I going to do with you? Hmm?
1056 00:48:27 I don't know.
1057 00:48:29 - You don't know?- I don't know.
1058 00:48:30 - I have a few ideas.- I have some ideas too.
1059 00:48:32 You do?
1060 00:48:33 - Mmm-hmm. Should I start now?- Yes, you should.
1061 00:48:36 [mysterious music playing]
1062 00:48:38 [Tim] Uh... Okay. Okay.
1063 00:48:48 [compressed air shoots out]
1064 00:48:50 Well, that might be a problem.
1065 00:48:53 [horror music playing]
1066 00:49:01 Hey, buddy. Can I use your computer?
1067 00:49:03 I need to checkmy fantasy baseball roster.
1068 00:49:05 Go ahead. Go ahead.
1069 00:49:06 Thanks.
1070 00:49:17 [Jeff Sighing] What is happening?
1071 00:49:20 You okay, Jeff?You seem kind of distant.
1072 00:49:22 No, I'm fine. I'm just...
1073 00:49:24 sifting through the wreckageof every value I once held dear.
1074 00:49:29 Good. I was worriedit might be something real.
1075 00:49:36 [whispers] Hey, Dan.
1076 00:49:38 Dan!
1077 00:49:41 [COughs]
1078 00:49:49 The Joneses aren'twho they say they are.
1079 00:49:52 What are you talking about?
1080 00:49:54 Your phone.
1081 00:49:56 Okay. Okay.
1082 00:50:02 Spies?
1083 00:50:08 [cellphone beeps]
1084 00:50:28 [Jeff] But it's not like that,I swear!
1085 00:50:30 Sometimes she picks up on things.This time she was right.
1086 00:50:33 You have to take this upstairs, Carl!
1087 00:50:34 This company, my neighborhood,
1088 00:50:38 Western civilization as we know it,[softly] they're all at risk.
1089 00:50:43 And it might be my fault.
1090 00:50:46 [sighing]
1091 00:50:49 All right, Gaffney.I'll do some digging.
1092 00:50:51 Okay. Thank you.
1093 00:50:52 See what I can learnabout these devices.
1094 00:50:54 And if I find out they're real,and not from some hobby shop,
1095 00:50:57 -well, you wait for my call.- Okay.
1096 00:51:04 [suspenseful music playing]
1097 00:51:23 [cellphone ringing]
1098 00:51:28 Go for Jeff.
1099 00:51:29 I gotta say, Gaffney,you and your wife were right.
1100 00:51:32 You know those devices you gave me?I was talking to a friend of mine.
1101 00:51:36 Ex-military.
1102 00:51:37 And well, this line is unsecured,so I can't go into details,
1103 00:51:40 but let me just say,this stuff is the real shit!
1104 00:51:45 God! Okay. Who are the Jonesesworking for? Are they Russian?
1105 00:51:48 Damn it, Gaffney.
1106 00:51:49 What is it about the word"unsecured" that you don't get?
1107 00:51:52 Look, I'm gonna do some more digging,
1108 00:51:53 and then you meet with mebefore work tomorrow.
1109 00:51:56 Okay.
1110 00:51:57 You know the old MBI building? On 75?
1111 00:51:59 7:00 a.m. Just look for the van.
1112 00:52:01 Why are we meeting there?
1113 00:52:03 Well, so we can strategizebefore we take it upstairs!
1114 00:52:06 My buddy says the last timehe saw tech like that
1115 00:52:08 was on a dead man.
1116 00:52:10 Dead man? Why would you say--
1117 00:52:11 [shouts, tires screech]
1118 00:52:12 Jesus!
1119 00:52:16 "Jesus" is right.
1120 00:52:18 Gaffney, this is the big time!I mean, we are going all the way.
1121 00:52:21 - Not now, Carl. Not now.- Don't try to give me the brush off.
1122 00:52:24 If you think you're gonnahandle this yourself...
1123 00:52:25 - Okay, okay.-... you're making a big mistake!
1124 00:52:29 - Work buddy.- Gaffney, don't mess this up!
1125 00:52:31 - Carl! Okay, yeah. Good.-7:00 a.m. Bring lattes...
1126 00:52:33 [phone beeps]
1127 00:52:36 You okay there, buddy?You almost ran me over.
1128 00:52:38 Yeah, I was looking for Bernie.He keeps pooping
1129 00:52:41 in my yard and I was just--I mean, his dogs keep
1130 00:52:43 pooping in my yard. I was distracted.
1131 00:52:46 How are you?
1132 00:52:47 You don't seem like yourself, Jeff.
1133 00:52:49 You don't seem like yourself, Tim.
1134 00:52:50 What's that supposed to mean?
1135 00:52:52 I was... You said it to me. I was...What did you mean when you said it?
1136 00:52:56 We think we had a break-in last night.
1137 00:52:57 - What?- Yeah. I know. Really rocks your
1138 00:53:00 faith in the notion of trust,doesn't it?
1139 00:53:02 Tell me about it. My gosh!
1140 00:53:04 You'd think in a neighborhoodlike this
1141 00:53:05 you wouldn't have to worryabout something like that.
1142 00:53:07 I'm so sorry about that, Tim.
1143 00:53:09 Yeah, well, Jeff,here's the thing about trust.
1144 00:53:13 Once it's gone, bad things happen.
1145 00:53:18 I heard that.
1146 00:53:21 Okay, well, I should go.
1147 00:53:22 Karen and I are supposed totake a bath.
1148 00:53:40 [Jeff] Yeah, a little warning.Carl can be a bit prickly,
1149 00:53:43 but he's a top notch security manand he happens to like the way
1150 00:53:45 -your mind thinks, okay?- Okay.
1151 00:53:49 Is that him in the bathrobehanging laundry?
1152 00:53:53 [Jeff] I don't know.Maybe he's having a yard sale.
1153 00:53:58 [Carl] Gaffney, right on time!
1154 00:54:00 And you brought the lattes.Knew I could count on you.
1155 00:54:03 This is my wife Carl.I mean, this is my wife, Carl.
1156 00:54:05 Nice to meet you.
1157 00:54:07 - Nice to meet you.- Karen Gaffney.
1158 00:54:08 Yeah, well, welcometo my home away from home.
1159 00:54:10 Or to be more accurate, my home.
1160 00:54:12 But not for long.Here, please. Thank you.
1161 00:54:16 Sit down here.
1162 00:54:17 Let me just clear this stuff away.
1163 00:54:20 Get this laundry outta here.
1164 00:54:22 Uh... [laughs]
1165 00:54:24 It's the maid's day off.
1166 00:54:25 Not at all. It's just that
1167 00:54:28 when you told us to meet youat the van,
1168 00:54:30 I didn't realizeyou'd be living in it.
1169 00:54:31 Yeah, well, the truth is...
1170 00:54:33 you know, I've been livingin the old Westfalia here
1171 00:54:35 ever since my wife left meand took everything I had.
1172 00:54:39 - Sorry, Carl.- That's terrible.
1173 00:54:41 And now thanks to you for bringing mein on this deal, Jeff.
1174 00:54:43 I think things are finallystarting to break my way again!
1175 00:54:46 What do you have for us?
1176 00:54:47 Oh, boy, what have I got?Let me show you here.
1177 00:54:50 You know, here's something that Jeffnever thought he'd hear. Gaffney...
1178 00:54:53 are you ready for a level foursecurity clearance?
1179 00:54:57 - Okay.- Okay. Here we go.
1180 00:55:00 - Carl.- Yeah?
1181 00:55:01 You got like a red doton your forehead.
1182 00:55:03 It's called adult acne.Thank you very mu--
1183 00:55:05 [gunshofl
1184 00:55:06 [screams]
1185 00:55:07 God!
1186 00:55:09 I've been hit!
1187 00:55:10 I've been hit! I've been hit!
1188 00:55:12 [gunshots]
1189 00:55:14 Oh, my God! Shit.
1190 00:55:16 - Are you hurt?- I've been shot!
1191 00:55:18 God! No, honey, it's just the latte!
1192 00:55:20 It burns! It burns!
1193 00:55:24 Oh, shit! It's the Joneses!
1194 00:55:26 Try not to shoot them.
1195 00:55:28 Let's run for Carl's house.
1196 00:55:30 [gunshofl
1197 00:55:31 Oh, God!
1198 00:55:33 [tires screeching]
1199 00:55:36 Get in the car! Now!
1200 00:55:38 Let us get on withour stupid little lives!
1201 00:55:42 [Karen screaming]
1202 00:55:43 Get in the car nowand I will explain everything. Mostly.
1203 00:55:46 I'm tired of yoursilver-tongued lies, Jones!
1204 00:55:48 Do you wanna get killedout here? Get in the car!
1205 00:55:51 Why? So you could kill us in there?
1206 00:55:53 There were no spicesin your spice rack!
1207 00:55:56 I said get in the car.
1208 00:55:59 We're gonna get in the car.
1209 00:56:01 For Patrick and Mikey. Right, honey?
1210 00:56:03 Guys, now. It is very dangerous. Now!
1211 00:56:06 When I count to threewe're gonna run, okay?
1212 00:56:08 One... Two...
1213 00:56:10 Jeff!
1214 00:56:12 - Oh, my God!-[Karen] I said three!
1215 00:56:14 Jeff, please, would youjust get in the car?
1216 00:56:17 I was making a head start!
1217 00:56:18 On your wife?
1218 00:56:19 You two are acting like childrenright now.
1219 00:56:21 Now, get in the car.Right now. Get in this car.
1220 00:56:23 Put your seat belt on,for Christ's sake.
1221 00:56:26 -[Karen] Oh, my God.-[Tim] Come on!
1222 00:56:27 -[Jefi'] Go, go, go.- Let's go, let's go.
1223 00:56:30 [Jeff] What is going on here, Tim?
1224 00:56:31 Are you stealing secrets from MBI?
1225 00:56:33 We're not stealing secrets from you.
1226 00:56:35 - There they are.- I see them.
1227 00:56:36 We're spies.
1228 00:56:38 [Karen] His seat belt is jammed!Pull over.
1229 00:56:39 Shut up!
1230 00:56:40 [Karen] Jeff gets car sickin the back!
1231 00:56:42 - Quiet!- Shut up!
1232 00:56:44 [tires screeching]
1233 00:56:47 You broke into our house.
1234 00:56:48 What kind of neighbors are you?
1235 00:56:50 You planted a bug in our house.What kind of neighbors are you?
1236 00:56:53 You know, they kind of have a point.
1237 00:56:56 It's so hot in here.
1238 00:56:57 - Put the AC on. Please!- No.
1239 00:56:58 Can you turn theair conditioner on, please?
1240 00:57:00 - It's not going on!-It's hot.
1241 00:57:02 [tires screeching]
1242 00:57:04 [bike engine revving]
1243 00:57:09 My seat belt's not on! Wait!
1244 00:57:19 Okay, it's about to get weird.
1245 00:57:20 [Jeff] About to get weird?
1246 00:57:23 [uptempo music playing]
1247 00:57:36 Quick question. Are you guysthe good guys or bad guys?
1248 00:57:39 What do you think?
1249 00:57:40 - I think the guys in black...- Shit!
1250 00:57:43 ...on the motorcycles shooting at usmight be the bad guys.
1251 00:57:47 [Tim] Get down, get down, get down!
1252 00:57:59 [cellphone ringing]
1253 00:58:00 What is that?
1254 00:58:02 It's camp.
1255 00:58:03 [Jeff] What?
1256 00:58:05 Hey, sweetie. How are you?
1257 00:58:08 - The cookies are for both of you.- Karen!
1258 00:58:10 Mikey, if you split it,he gets to choose first.
1259 00:58:12 - Karen!- Because that's fair!
1260 00:58:14 [gunshots]
1261 00:58:15 Get down! Get downKaren, get off the phone!
1262 00:58:18 Because otherwise you wouldmake one piece bigger.
1263 00:58:20 And then you'd pick that one.Put Mikey on, put--
1264 00:58:22 Just split the cookie!Just split the cookie!
1265 00:58:25 [gunshots]
1266 00:58:26 [Tim] Oh, shit!
1267 00:58:28 [tires screeching]
1268 00:58:38 [Karen screaming]
1269 00:58:49 [beeping]
1270 00:58:50 To the right, Natalie.
1271 00:58:52 Thanks, Karen.
1272 00:58:55 Brake!
1273 00:58:56 [tires screeching]
1274 00:59:00 [gasps] Oh, my God!
1275 00:59:02 [engine revving]
1276 00:59:06 Okay. Okay. Okay.
1277 00:59:13 Please get out of the way.
1278 00:59:15 Please get out of the wayso I can see.
1279 00:59:24 [tires screeching]
1280 00:59:35 [beeping]
1281 00:59:38 There's something blinking on the backof the car. Is that bad?
1282 00:59:41 Yes, Jeff, that is decidedly bad.
1283 00:59:43 You need to go out thereand take that off.
1284 00:59:45 - Wha... I need to take it off?- Yes!
1285 00:59:47 - Well, can you slow down?- No!
1286 00:59:49 - I'm driving. We're being chased.-[Karen] Get it off!
1287 00:59:51 I'm not gonna slow down.They're trying to kill us!
1288 00:59:52 Right. Coming from the guy whowouldn't turn on the air conditioner.
1289 00:59:55 [screaming]
1290 00:59:56 Slow down a little bit.
1291 00:59:58 I'm getting wet! I'm getting wet!
1292 01:00:00 Getting wet is betterthan getting shot!
1293 01:00:06 It's hot!
1294 01:00:13 Three targets, two shots.You got this?
1295 01:00:14 Always.
1296 01:00:16 How you doing back there, Jeff?We need you, buddy.
1297 01:00:21 Wait.
1298 01:00:23 - Okay.- Wait.
1299 01:00:25 Now.
1300 01:00:27 I got it! I got it! Now what?
1301 01:00:29 Hold on, Jeff!
1302 01:00:35 [beeping]
1303 01:00:36 [gasping]
1304 01:00:37 Throw it! Throw it!
1305 01:00:40 [screaming]
1306 01:00:47 Oh!
1307 01:00:50 Five here? So, what do you think?I think I'm stuck.
1308 01:00:54 Yeah. Well, I think one, two, three,four, five... It's gotta be six.
1309 01:00:57 [waitress] Here we go, folks.
1310 01:00:59 - Scrambled whites with toast.- Thank you.
1311 01:01:01 - Three-egg omelet with potatoes.- Thank you!
1312 01:01:03 Eggs, potatoes, and bacon.And a side of bacon.
1313 01:01:06 - Yum, yum, yum, yum!- Thank you very much.
1314 01:01:09 Oh, my goodness!
1315 01:01:11 Mmm. Mmm.
1316 01:01:14 What? High speed car chasesmake me hungry, honey.
1317 01:01:19 Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, if that'swho, you know, you really are.
1318 01:01:23 I have a couple of questions. And...
1319 01:01:25 I think this timewe kind of deserve the truth.
1320 01:01:28 You're entitled to it.
1321 01:01:29 Okay, question number one.
1322 01:01:32 Are you in the CIA?
1323 01:01:35 Honey, that's a wasted question.They can't answer that.
1324 01:01:38 Question number two then.Who are you after?
1325 01:01:40 We can't tell you.
1326 01:01:42 Okay. Question number three.Is it somebody we know?
1327 01:01:45 Can't say that, either.
1328 01:01:46 You just said we wereentitled to the truth.
1329 01:01:48 Did say you were entitled to it.Doesn't mean we can give it to you.
1330 01:01:50 You know what, honey?
1331 01:01:51 It's probably classified.That's why they can't tell us.
1332 01:01:53 - Do you want any of this?- Yeah. I'll have some potatoes.
1333 01:01:55 I'm glad everybody's just
1334 01:01:57 enjoying their mealwhile we're in the middle
1335 01:02:00 of a... Like, a thing!
1336 01:02:02 You guys are just eatinglike there's nothing going on.
1337 01:02:04 [loudly] I'm a little troubled by it!
1338 01:02:08 [whispers] Honey! That is not okay.
1339 01:02:11 Fine. I'll keep asking 'til I getsomething that's not classified.
1340 01:02:14 Is that fine with you?
1341 01:02:15 Okay.
1342 01:02:20 Question 17.
1343 01:02:22 After a shootout like that,who cleans up all the bullets?
1344 01:02:26 Okay, can you guystell us anything at all?
1345 01:02:30 I'm not Greek. I'm Israeli.
1346 01:02:32 Ex-Mossad?
1347 01:02:34 Can't tell you.
1348 01:02:35 Come on. Are you guys even married?
1349 01:02:37 Can you even tell us that?
1350 01:02:39 Yes. That actually you can't fake.
1351 01:02:41 But that's it?Everything else was a lie?
1352 01:02:45 I mean, 'cause I think when youtold me that you hated your job,
1353 01:02:49 that seemed real. I mean,from an HR perspective.
1354 01:02:51 That seemed real.
1355 01:02:57 You told him you hate your job?
1356 01:03:01 I may have mentionedcertain misgivings, in confidence.
1357 01:03:05 Interesting.
1358 01:03:07 Why is this coming out now?
1359 01:03:10 Because Jeff is actuallya good listener.
1360 01:03:12 And I did mention thatto you before, in Marrakesh.
1361 01:03:15 At that place thatwe always go to. Hazim's.
1362 01:03:17 That day, we spent the wholeafternoon there.
1363 01:03:19 We talked about maybe gettingout of this. We talked about
1364 01:03:22 I could actually becomea travel writer, for real.
1365 01:03:25 We could maybe have a child.
1366 01:03:26 That was hypothetical.It wasn't a life plan.
1367 01:03:28 [Tim] I didn't think it--
1368 01:03:30 [speaking Hebrew]
1369 01:03:31 Okay, this is what we do.Automatically, we go to Hebrew
1370 01:03:32 and then it's gonna be a whole thing.
1371 01:03:34 And who puts a bugin a glass sculpture?
1372 01:03:36 I happen to like my glass sculpturesand I like to share them with people.
1373 01:03:38 It's a legitimate thing.It's actually appropriate
1374 01:03:40 to give somebody a gift.What isn't appropriate,
1375 01:03:42 however, is what you happenedto wear at the yard party.
1376 01:03:45 Now you want me to dresslike some kind of a sexless
1377 01:03:48 -elementary school nurse...- Come on. I'm not talking...
1378 01:03:49 ...just to fit in withthe other mothers, right?
1379 01:03:51 - No offense, Karen.- You look great!
1380 01:03:52 You look amazing.But you have to fit in.
1381 01:03:54 I mean, it's called being undercover.
1382 01:03:56 I mean, you had no problemwearing a burqa in Kabul.
1383 01:03:59 But this is the suburbs!
1384 01:04:00 It's hard. Don't you get it?Women here are vicious.
1385 01:04:04 Can I say? You don't knowthe women here.
1386 01:04:06 There you go.
1387 01:04:08 We don't know anything.
1388 01:04:09 Why did you bug our house?
1389 01:04:10 Actually, you know less than nothing.
1390 01:04:12 But the agency received credible intel
1391 01:04:14 that someone was using yourwork computer to commit treason
1392 01:04:17 against the United States of America.
1393 01:04:19 We were using youto get to whoever they are.
1394 01:04:22 Why not tell him everything?
1395 01:04:23 Who cares?
1396 01:04:25 Ten years, 3O countries,nobody finds us out,
1397 01:04:27 and we couldn't evenlast a week in suburbia!
1398 01:04:30 [loudly] Can I pay, please?
1399 01:04:47 [Jeff] Stupid question.What do we do now?
1400 01:04:49 Yeah, what do we do now?
1401 01:04:50 Just stick to your routine.
1402 01:04:52 And nobody finds outabout any of this, okay?
1403 01:04:55 I won't tell anybody.
1404 01:04:56 Yeah, keep it quiet.
1405 01:04:57 There's this other thingI needed to ask.
1406 01:04:59 I know you guys are undercover andthis whole thing is a setup, but...
1407 01:05:03 The other day at the Cobra Club,
1408 01:05:04 was that about getting me drunkand having me betray my co-workers
1409 01:05:07 or was that about two guys, you know,maybe starting a friendship?
1410 01:05:12 It was about getting you drunkand betraying your co-workers.
1411 01:05:16 Oh, okay. Yeah.
1412 01:05:18 But the indoor skydiving...
1413 01:05:22 that was about being friends.
1414 01:05:23 Ha! See, I told you we bonded.
1415 01:05:26 Okay. Remember,nobody finds out about this.
1416 01:05:29 - No. I won't even tell my mom.- Locking it up. Hey, hey.
1417 01:05:32 One other thing. I know I'm nota licensed therapist, okay?
1418 01:05:37 But talk, communicatewith one another, okay?
1419 01:05:40 Jeff is big on communication.
1420 01:05:43 I communicate. That's what I do.
1421 01:05:44 - You sure do.- Talk, talk, talk.
1422 01:05:46 No,no,no,no,no.You're absolutely right, Jeff.
1423 01:05:50 Communication is a great thing.
1424 01:05:53 - All right, I'll see you.- Bye!
1425 01:05:55 - Thanks!- I should go.
1426 01:05:57 - Okay. Take care.- See you.
1427 01:05:59 That's so nice of youto tell them that, honey. Really.
1428 01:06:04 [Jeff] I think the Jonesesare going to be just fine.
1429 01:06:06 [Karen] Yeah.
1430 01:06:14 -[Jeff] After you, my dear.-[Karen] Thank you.
1431 01:06:28 [dogs barking]
1432 01:06:31 Timmy!
1433 01:06:48 [indistinct]
1434 01:06:56 Well, it was most likelyjust a gas leak. So...
1435 01:07:00 Well, thank you for your statements.
1436 01:07:02 - Thank you very much.- Good night.
1437 01:07:08 Okay.
1438 01:07:10 Whoever killed the Jonesesare gonna come after us next.
1439 01:07:12 Do you think we did the right thingby lying to the police?
1440 01:07:15 We promised the Jonesesthat we wouldn't say anything.
1441 01:07:18 Do you think thatpromises count, honey,
1442 01:07:19 when the people that we madethem to are dead?
1443 01:07:21 Yes!
1444 01:07:23 [whispers] Plus,I don't wanna be haunted.
1445 01:07:28 [Karen] They've takenthe barricades down.
1446 01:07:30 [Jeff] 0h, my God!
1447 01:07:31 All right, listen,I'm gonna grab the essentials.
1448 01:07:33 We're gonna need our passports.
1449 01:07:34 We're gonna needour birth certificates.
1450 01:07:35 And we'll need some duct tape.
1451 01:07:36 Get some peppercorns, too!
1452 01:07:38 - Mikey...- Coffee, teas, Goldfish.
1453 01:07:40 I'm gonna get these onions here.
1454 01:07:42 - Don't take the onions, put 'em back.- No, no, no, no.
1455 01:07:44 - You don't need onions.-lneed_.
1456 01:07:46 - Trail mix!- I can't choose.
1457 01:07:48 This is a 2,000-piece puzzle.
1458 01:07:50 - This is a weapon.- Yeah! Or we can make chicken parm.
1459 01:07:53 - It would be nice to have--- What! You always buy this.
1460 01:07:54 You should buy the organic one.I've been through this with you.
1461 01:07:56 I don't wanna talk about thatright now.
1462 01:07:57 Jeff, don't take the ginger snaps!
1463 01:07:59 I know, but we might need...
1464 01:08:01 - Calm down, Jeff.- Okay!
1465 01:08:03 I'm taking this Red Bull.
1466 01:08:06 Where are we going?
1467 01:08:08 I don't know. Anywhere. Just pack!
1468 01:08:09 I've never been on the run before.
1469 01:08:10 I mean, should I take a bikini,in case it's gonna get hot?
1470 01:08:13 No! A bathing suit? Take socks!Socks! I need my socks.
1471 01:08:16 We gotta get the kids.We gotta get my mom!
1472 01:08:18 Don't bring her into this!We said twice a year.
1473 01:08:20 Christmas and Easter!
1474 01:08:21 [Karen screaming]
1475 01:08:22 Oh, God! Okay. Okay.
1476 01:08:25 - Okay. You know what?- Karen.
1477 01:08:28 It's probably just a fuse.
1478 01:08:30 Because a house exploded, it couldjust be a problem with the grid.
1479 01:08:34 Yeah.
1480 01:08:35 Maybe you should checkthe fuse box, honey.
1481 01:08:37 - Okay, yeah.- And I'm gonna just...
1482 01:08:38 stay here and pack.
1483 01:08:42 Maybe you shouldgo with me to the fuse box.
1484 01:08:45 That way you're not, uh, alone.
1485 01:08:49 [Jeff whispering] Okay, here we go.
1486 01:08:50 Okay, okay, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah. There we go.
1487 01:08:52 [Karen] There it is. There it is.
1488 01:08:55 [Jeff] Okay.
1489 01:08:58 It was just the circuit breaker.
1490 01:08:59 - It's okay.- Good Lord!
1491 01:09:01 Don't scream. It's not what you think.
1492 01:09:04 What, you didn't kidnap our friendsand tie them to chairs?
1493 01:09:07 [moaning]
1494 01:09:08 It is what you think. But it'snot for the reasons you think.
1495 01:09:13 Dan is the oneselling secrets from MBI.
1496 01:09:16 What?
1497 01:09:17 - You're right. She's very good.- Told you.
1498 01:09:19 Dan, is that true?
1499 01:09:21 And how are you two alive?Your house exploded.
1500 01:09:23 Jeff, things aren'talways what they seem.
1501 01:09:26 You should know that by now.
1502 01:09:46 So?
1503 01:09:47 How could you not tell meyou were feeling this way?
1504 01:09:49 Well, look...
1505 01:09:50 To be honest, you are not exactlythe easiest woman in the world
1506 01:09:53 -for a man to admit his fears to.- What?
1507 01:09:56 How can you say that to me?I'm compassionate and sensitive.
1508 01:09:59 You can say anything to me.
1509 01:10:00 [speaking Hebrew]
1510 01:10:02 Well, calling me a pussyin Hebrew is not helping things.
1511 01:10:10 Run.
1512 01:10:20 Whoa!
1513 01:10:21 You dove headfirstthrough a plate glass window?
1514 01:10:23 It's not as hard as it seems.
1515 01:10:25 Who's behind all this?Who's trying to kill you?
1516 01:10:27 It's an international arms dealerwho calls himself The Scorpion.
1517 01:10:31 The Agency's been after him for years.
1518 01:10:33 And your friends herewere about to sell him these.
1519 01:10:40 That's what we make at MBI?
1520 01:10:42 - What are these?-[Tim] Microchips.
1521 01:10:44 In the wrong hands,the information on those chips
1522 01:10:46 could be used to undermine the entireU.S. missile defense system.
1523 01:10:49 For the last three months, Dan's beensmuggling them out of the building.
1524 01:10:53 Prison-style.
1525 01:10:55 Wait. Prison-style? What do you mean?
1526 01:10:57 I think that means he put 'em ina balloon and stuck 'em up his butt.
1527 01:11:00 What?
1528 01:11:02 Oh, God!
1529 01:11:04 Why did you do this, Dan?
1530 01:11:06 That's exactly whatwe're about to find out, Jeff.
1531 01:11:13 Yeah.
1532 01:11:14 [groaning]
1533 01:11:15 Tim!
1534 01:11:17 Spread your legs, Danny boy.
1535 01:11:20 Mrs. Jones has some work to do.
1536 01:11:21 - Natalie...-[screams]
1537 01:11:23 Jesus. Jeff.Jeff, please, do something!
1538 01:11:25 Either you talk...
1539 01:11:27 [Dan] Jeff, stop her please!She's a psychopath!
1540 01:11:28 Tim, can I just have a word withyou guys for one second, please?
1541 01:11:32 [Dan] Please don't hurt me. Please.
1542 01:11:34 - Okay, okay.- Get this psycho away from me, Jeff.
1543 01:11:35 Relax.
1544 01:11:37 We're excited thatyou guys are still alive.
1545 01:11:39 But this is our basement. This is notaAbu Ghraib, you know, scenario here.
1546 01:11:43 - Our kids play down here.- I don't like it either.
1547 01:11:46 But this isa national security situation.
1548 01:11:48 Yeah, but you can't torch a man'sscrotum and expect him to speak.
1549 01:11:51 You'd be surprised.
1550 01:11:52 These are human beings.You gotta connect with them, okay?
1551 01:11:56 - Let me talk to 'em for two minutes.- He's a people person.
1552 01:11:59 You have 9O seconds.
1553 01:12:01 O key-dokey.
1554 01:12:08 [exhales]
1555 01:12:10 Okay, Meg.
1556 01:12:12 [screams in pain]
1557 01:12:18 Dan, I want you to know...
1558 01:12:21 like the HR department, this basementis a place of non-judgment, okay?
1559 01:12:25 And even thoughyou stole from the company
1560 01:12:27 and betrayed your countryand curde-sac,
1561 01:12:29 and, you know, placed microchipsin your darkest cavity,
1562 01:12:33 mistakes happen!
1563 01:12:34 Oh, my God! Can we please waterboardthem and get this over with?
1564 01:12:39 We live in confusing times.
1565 01:12:40 And I think that the lines betweenright and wrong become blurry.
1566 01:12:44 It's hard to even know what thosewords mean, isn't it, Dan?
1567 01:12:47 What is this? Good cop, good cop?
1568 01:12:49 Look, I might not knowwhat's going on, on the sixth floor,
1569 01:12:51 but did you know that every timean employee requests a raise
1570 01:12:56 it comes through the HR department?
1571 01:12:57 And I've seen your requests.
1572 01:12:59 And I know that they've been denied,every time, for the last five years.
1573 01:13:04 That's a lot of time, Dan. Lot of goodtime you gave to the company, huh?
1574 01:13:07 - Where's your piece of the pie?-[Dan] Exactly.
1575 01:13:10 You know how hard it isto raise four children
1576 01:13:12 on a rocket scientist's salary?
1577 01:13:13 Oh, God! Shut up, you idiot!
1578 01:13:15 No! You shut up, Lady Macbeth!
1579 01:13:17 Okay.
1580 01:13:19 You're the one who pushed meinto this, you know that?
1581 01:13:20 With all your constant demandsand trendy needs.
1582 01:13:23 I did not tell youto go on Jeff's computer
1583 01:13:25 and make a deal with an arms dealer!
1584 01:13:27 Well, you didn't tell me not to.
1585 01:13:29 [scoffs]
1586 01:13:31 Jeff...
1587 01:13:33 I was at the end of my rope.
1588 01:13:35 The financial pressure was crazy.Groceries and tutors and...
1589 01:13:39 I got four kids under 13 in braces.
1590 01:13:43 Do you understand? Do you, Jeff?
1591 01:13:45 I do. You know I do. I mean...
1592 01:13:48 if kids have crooked teeth,
1593 01:13:50 we can't have crooked teethin this society.
1594 01:13:51 This isn't Great Britain, you know?
1595 01:13:54 There's all sorts of thingsyou have to keep up with and...
1596 01:13:57 New tires for the minivan,piano lessons,
1597 01:13:59 you know, and, because all that...
1598 01:14:04 Carl Pronger is dead!
1599 01:14:06 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!Hang on! Get a hold of yourself!
1600 01:14:08 I never wanted anyoneto get hurt, Jeff, I swear.
1601 01:14:11 [Meg] We were protecting you.
1602 01:14:13 The Scorpion doesn't evenknow who you are. Karen!
1603 01:14:15 [crying]
1604 01:14:16 Shut up, Meg! Brooklyn Loft is stupid.
1605 01:14:18 All right, not helping.
1606 01:14:19 I'm crying.
1607 01:14:20 Where did you get an onion?
1608 01:14:21 - Who? Me? Yeah, you.
1609 01:14:23 I got it from upstairs.From our kitchen.
1610 01:14:25 [cellphone ringing]
1611 01:14:32 Is this your phone?Is this the Scorpion calling?
1612 01:14:35 I'm gonna answer thisand you're gonna talk to him.
1613 01:14:36 And you're gonna lead us to him.
1614 01:14:37 He'll sniff me out in a second.You know what he's capable of.
1615 01:14:39 - Answer the phone now.- Natalie...
1616 01:14:41 No more games.
1617 01:14:43 Look, I can't. I'm not a spy!I'm a soccer dad!
1618 01:14:46 He never misses a game.
1619 01:14:48 Oh, my God. All right,I'm gonna answer it.
1620 01:14:49 [Natalie] No, we can't.Our cover was blown, remember?
1621 01:14:51 [Tim] Well, I don't havea lot of options.
1622 01:14:53 What do you want me to do?
1623 01:14:59 Hello?
1624 01:15:00 [computerized voice]Hello? Mr. Rascal Flatts?
1625 01:15:04 [whispers] I needed a cover name.
1626 01:15:07 Hello?
1627 01:15:08 Hi!
1628 01:15:09 Um... Yes, this is Rascal.
1629 01:15:12 Are you and your wifeready to make the deal?
1630 01:15:19 Yes, Mrs. Flatts and Iare very excited about it.
1631 01:15:21 Tomorrow night.The Odyssey Hotel. 9:00 p.m.
1632 01:15:25 Go to the V-Bar.A table will be reserved for you.
1633 01:15:29 Bring the requested item and wait.
1634 01:15:31 V-Bar. Okay thank you very much.
1635 01:15:34 Just out of curiosity,is there a dress code?
1636 01:15:39 I'll... I can look that up online.
1637 01:15:42 [sighs] Okay-
1638 01:15:44 [breathing heavily]
1639 01:15:45 What have I done?
1640 01:15:47 No, no. You did everything great!You did everything great.
1641 01:15:50 - Okay.- You did!
1642 01:15:51 - I did.- Jeff and Karen, welcome to
1643 01:15:53 the sexy and exciting world
1644 01:15:55 of international espionageand covert operations.
1645 01:16:01 Buddy, I think it's timewe get you in a proper suit.
1646 01:16:04 Nice! Is it an extra medium?
1647 01:16:06 A killer dress.
1648 01:16:08 That's all of it?
1649 01:16:09 This tie has been fittedwith a miniature surveillance mic.
1650 01:16:12 It's completely undetectable.
1651 01:16:14 I don't know if I can walk in these.
1652 01:16:17 The heel is equippedwith a tracking device
1653 01:16:19 that allows us to monitoryour every move.
1654 01:16:21 Natalie and I will securea position right upstairs on the roof.
1655 01:16:24 And establish a command center.
1656 01:16:26 Now, you know at some point,you're gonna have to put on pants.
1657 01:16:29 Yeah. I know. I'm just nervous still.
1658 01:16:31 It's gonna be okay.
1659 01:16:33 Simple in and out job.
1660 01:16:34 Make the exchange, leave the hotel.
1661 01:16:36 Got it. In and out.Just out of curiosity,
1662 01:16:40 what happens, you know,worst-case scenario?
1663 01:16:43 Worst-case scenario?
1664 01:16:45 We radio for backup,and we storm the place
1665 01:16:47 with the full forceof the United States government.
1666 01:16:50 Okay. Got it.
1667 01:16:52 - Okay?- Yeah.
1668 01:16:53 You look good.Don't forget those pants.
1669 01:17:22 Reminds me of our first date.
1670 01:17:25 And our second.
1671 01:17:28 [sighs]
1672 01:17:29 What's wrong?
1673 01:17:33 We never really did finishthat conversation, did we?
1674 01:17:36 Well, the house did explode.
1675 01:17:38 So...
1676 01:17:41 Look, I just want you to knowI realized something last night
1677 01:17:45 when I was about to fryDan's testicles.
1678 01:17:48 I know I'm not the best listener,
1679 01:17:50 but I can change.
1680 01:17:52 What? You don't think I can?
1681 01:17:54 No, no, no. I know you can.
1682 01:18:01 Just don't change too much, okay?
1683 01:18:05 Okay.
1684 01:18:15 ♪ My wish for you a'
1685 01:18:18 ♪ Is that this life becomes... I
1686 01:18:20 Honey, are you ready?What are you doing?
1687 01:18:23 I was just listeningto some Rascal Flatts.
1688 01:18:25 - Trying to get into character.- Oh, God!
1689 01:18:27 Patrick leaves these toyson the stairs.
1690 01:18:29 - Somebody's gonna hurt themselves.- Karen!
1691 01:18:34 What? Do you like it? Is it too much?
1692 01:18:35 No! Not at all. It's just enough.
1693 01:18:38 Thanks, honey.
1694 01:18:39 Is this the lingerieyou were wearing the other day?
1695 01:18:41 Yeah, I figured if we're gonnado this, I should do it right.
1696 01:18:43 Yeah.
1697 01:18:46 - You look so handsome.- Oh, thank you very much.
1698 01:18:49 How much time untilwe have to be at the hotel?
1699 01:18:51 We've got 45 minutes.
1700 01:18:59 [breathing heavily]
1701 01:19:02 [moaning]
1702 01:19:04 - Karen. Karen.- Jeff,
1703 01:19:07 your tie's stuck.
1704 01:19:09 - Karen!- Ooh! Sorry, honey.
1705 01:19:10 [loud thud]
1706 01:19:13 [both moaning]
1707 01:19:17 What?
1708 01:19:20 I think they're having sex.
1709 01:19:23 Goddamn it,we don't have time for this.
1710 01:19:25 I mean, they're supposed to behere in 45 minutes.
1711 01:19:30 Nope, they are done.
1712 01:19:33 All right.
1713 01:20:02 Oh, wow! Look, honey.Beautiful design!
1714 01:20:05 - Hey, Karen.- Yeah?
1715 01:20:08 Thanks so much for the sex.
1716 01:20:09 Oh...
1717 01:20:15 [elevator bell dings]
1718 01:20:16 Go.
1719 01:20:18 Hello!
1720 01:20:20 - Hi.- Hi. We have a reservation for two
1721 01:20:23 under the name Rascal Flatts.
1722 01:20:25 It's not our real name.
1723 01:20:26 We're having an affair.
1724 01:20:29 Come with me.
1725 01:20:33 Hey, Tim. We're in the restaurantright now. Everything's going okay.
1726 01:20:37 [Karen] Honey, sushi.
1727 01:20:38 There's sushi as well.I'm gonna sign off for right now.
1728 01:20:41 Ciao.
1729 01:20:44 - Oh, that's our table.- No, this way.
1730 01:20:48 Really?
1731 01:20:53 Thank you so much.
1732 01:20:56 [door closes]
1733 01:20:57 Is this the line tothe little boys' room?
1734 01:20:59 - I don't need to use it.- Come.
1735 01:21:03 I'm confused. I...
1736 01:21:06 It's part of the...I thought it was just gonna be us.
1737 01:21:10 You fellas with The Scorpion?
1738 01:21:18 [Tim] All right, they're on the move.
1739 01:21:21 Moving into position.
1740 01:21:34 Thank you.
1741 01:21:43 There he is. Rascal Flatts.
1742 01:21:45 You have any troublefinding the place?
1743 01:21:46 No. Your henchmen were very...
1744 01:21:48 [chuckling] I'm a littleticklish there.
1745 01:21:49 Your henchmen were very helpful.
1746 01:21:51 This must be the wife. Wow! You guysreally dressed up for tonight.
1747 01:21:54 Thank you. Yeah.Well, we don't get out very often.
1748 01:21:57 When we do, we reallylike to make the most of it.
1749 01:21:59 Awesome. Ivan?
1750 01:22:01 All clear.
1751 01:22:03 Sorry about the frisking. You cannotbe too careful in my line of work.
1752 01:22:06 Let me make it up to you
1753 01:22:07 with some very expensive,very delicious champagne.
1754 01:22:12 Wow! Look at that gun.
1755 01:22:13 And by the way,
1756 01:22:15 you two have gotta try this dip.It's amazing.
1757 01:22:18 It's a cheat day for me, so I wenta little crazy with room service.
1758 01:22:20 [chuckles] I hope you don't mind.
1759 01:22:22 Mrs. Flatts makes a greatseven-layer dip. I'll tell you that.
1760 01:22:24 [Scorpion] I bet she does.
1761 01:22:26 I do. The secret is an extra layer.An eight-layer dip.
1762 01:22:30 Sneaky! I love that.
1763 01:22:36 Do I know you from somewhere?
1764 01:22:39 I seriously doubt it.
1765 01:22:41 He's a people person.
1766 01:22:42 Come on, Jeff. Stay calm.Just do what we talked about.
1767 01:22:46 Well, did the people personbring this person his computer chips?
1768 01:22:50 Oh, yes. Yes, yes.You'll find them right here.
1769 01:22:53 Careful.
1770 01:23:11 Denver, 2010.
1771 01:23:13 Were you at the NationalAerospace Convention?
1772 01:23:15 Because I think we werein the same focus group.
1773 01:23:18 Are we still doing this?
1774 01:23:19 No, we're n-- it's done.It's really done. It's so done.
1775 01:23:22 Why does he keepasking those questions?
1776 01:23:24 I don't think he can help it.It's just what he does.
1777 01:23:26 He connects with people.
1778 01:23:29 - Perfect, as promised.- Shit.
1779 01:23:31 Ivan?
1780 01:23:36 Wow. Okay. Here we go. Thank you.
1781 01:23:39 - Okay! We got it. Great.- Yeah. That checks out.
1782 01:23:41 Well, pleasure doing businesswith both of you.
1783 01:23:44 Thank you, Mr. Scorpion and friends.
1784 01:23:46 Thank you. Yeah.Okay. Grab that stuff.
1785 01:23:50 Hey! You drop your little ball.
1786 01:23:52 That's fine. We have...I have plenty of those.
1787 01:23:54 Keep it. Keep it. It's a...
1788 01:23:56 -[Karen] Excuse me.- Stop!
1789 01:24:03 [door closes]
1790 01:24:05 You're the HR guy.
1791 01:24:07 No, he's not. He's an engineer.He... Dr. Flatts.
1792 01:24:10 - Yeah, I'm in the rocket sciences.- He went to college!
1793 01:24:11 - He's very smart. MIT.- No.
1794 01:24:14 No. You were right.
1795 01:24:16 We have met before.
1796 01:24:18 See from '02 to '05,I was a mid-level drone at MBI.
1797 01:24:23 - And you are Jeff Gaffney.- No.
1798 01:24:27 - Human Resources.- Wrong.
1799 01:24:28 Yeah. You helped mewith my "suicidal depression."
1800 01:24:32 With your little trust exercisesand stress balls!
1801 01:24:34 [groans in pain]
1802 01:24:35 This entire thing is a setup!
1803 01:24:37 Goddamn it, Jeff!
1804 01:24:40 Decoys have been made.I repeat, decoys have been made.
1805 01:24:42 We need to extract. Do you copy?
1806 01:24:43 Carlos, take a team out,lock the hallway down.
1807 01:24:46 Yuri, take four guys upthe stairwell to the roof.
1808 01:24:49 Radio the helicopter, we are gettingthe hell out of here.
1809 01:24:51 We need backup to extractthe decoys. Do you copy?
1810 01:24:54 [man on radio]Negative. Collateral damage.
1811 01:24:56 We cannot engage in a public arena.Pull back and abort.
1812 01:24:59 Do you COPY?
1813 01:25:02 Jones, do you copy?
1814 01:25:04 Boris, get some ice tongsand a cigarette lighter.
1815 01:25:06 [Karen gasps]
1816 01:25:08 Goddamn it, Jones. Do you copy?
1817 01:25:11 Copy, copy. Pulling out.I repeat, pulling out.
1818 01:25:15 We'll meet youat the extraction point.
1819 01:25:20 You really wannajust leave them in there?
1820 01:25:22 Of course not.
1821 01:25:25 They're our neighbors.
1822 01:25:28 Sweetie, everything's fine, okay?
1823 01:25:30 That's why I rent the extra henchmen,for situations like this.
1824 01:25:32 - Is it Peter? No.- That's why I paid
1825 01:25:34 -for the whole floor.- Honey, what are you doing?
1826 01:25:35 - I'm trying to figure out his name.- Chopper to the jet.
1827 01:25:37 We'll be in Jakarta by morning,
1828 01:25:39 -and when we get there, I--- Bruce.
1829 01:25:42 You talking to me?
1830 01:25:44 I remember your name.Your name is Bruce.
1831 01:25:47 Bruce Springstine.
1832 01:25:48 L... No, I think you have meconfused with somebody else.
1833 01:25:51 Nah, I'm the one that mediatedyour parking space dispute.
1834 01:25:54 Is that what caused youto go into a life of crime?
1835 01:25:57 A bruised egoover a lousy parking space?
1836 01:26:00 Jesus Christ! What is this?Amateur night?
1837 01:26:02 Wait a second.
1838 01:26:03 Your name is Bruce Springstine?
1839 01:26:06 Yes, Ivan, it is.It's Bruce Springstine
1840 01:26:09 and it's a perfectly good namelike any other name.
1841 01:26:11 And you wanted usto call you The Boss?
1842 01:26:14 I didn't want you guysto call me "The Boss."
1843 01:26:16 I wanted you to call me, "Boss."
1844 01:26:18 All right? And that's justfor simplicity's sake. Okay?
1845 01:26:22 That's just sad.
1846 01:26:23 And that parking space thingwas bullshit, all right?
1847 01:26:26 I'd been there for three years!They still had me in Lot D!
1848 01:26:29 That's the other sideof the highway, okay?
1849 01:26:32 I had to cross the...
1850 01:26:33 - The footbridge thing. Yeah!- The little... The footbridge!
1851 01:26:34 A footbridge, every day,
1852 01:26:36 rain or shine!
1853 01:26:37 So, thank you.
1854 01:26:39 - I am really going to enjoy this.- Okay.
1855 01:26:40 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!- No!
1856 01:26:43 Good. SEAL team's here.
1857 01:26:44 Go, go, go! Get down,get down, get down!
1858 01:26:46 Go, boys! Go, go, go!Shock and awe! Shock and awe!
1859 01:26:54 Honey, I can't hear anything.
1860 01:26:56 They're silent killers.That's how they got Bin Laden.
1861 01:26:58 - Let's just stay down, okay?- Okay.
1862 01:27:01 Ahem!
1863 01:27:09 Where's the backup?Those guys are with him.
1864 01:27:13 There's no backup, Jeff.
1865 01:27:15 They pulled outwhen you blew your cover.
1866 01:27:17 What do you mean there's no backup?
1867 01:27:20 You're what they call"collateral damage."
1868 01:27:22 That's not good. I saw it on Home/and!
1869 01:27:24 What do you me-- You didn't sayanything about collateral damage!
1870 01:27:27 I asked you about the worst-casescenario and you said,
1871 01:27:29 "Well, the worst-case scenario,I'll have backup."
1872 01:27:31 Well, this is worse! This is worsethan the worst-case scenario.
1873 01:27:34 You lied to our faces.
1874 01:27:36 I did not lie to you. Now, I mayhave left out a few key details...
1875 01:27:40 That's a lie, Timothy!
1876 01:27:42 That is lying by omission.That's textbook--
1877 01:27:44 You know what? My whole job is lying.Okay? That's why I fucking hate it!
1878 01:27:50 - I'm sorry, Jeff.- You're apologizing to him?
1879 01:27:52 You can't possibly careabout this loser.
1880 01:27:54 You know what? I actuallydo care about this loser.
1881 01:27:58 I mean, you and I livein a world where everybody lies.
1882 01:28:01 And everybody hides everythingand obfuscates.
1883 01:28:03 But, not... Not Jeff Gaffney.
1884 01:28:07 Jeff doesn't live in that world.He's an honest person.
1885 01:28:10 He's forthright, he's friendly.He's a good neighbor.
1886 01:28:14 Do you have any idea how muchcourage that takes? Real courage?
1887 01:28:19 For my money, he's the bravest guyin this room.
1888 01:28:22 - Oh, please. Spare me the morality!-[Tim] Hey!
1889 01:28:24 Just hear me out, all right?
1890 01:28:27 Look, the Gaffneys,they don't belong in our world.
1891 01:28:29 We don't. We really don't.
1892 01:28:31 [Tim] Okay? They're too good for that.
1893 01:28:33 Why don't we let them goback to their world?
1894 01:28:36 And then you and I, we,
1895 01:28:38 can settle this here?
1896 01:28:39 Here in our world.
1897 01:28:41 You guys can go murder each otherand stuff. Just leave us out of this.
1898 01:28:44 You know what? I'm just gonna takecare of everything myself. Bruno,
1899 01:28:46 lay the plastic sheeting out. I don'twanna lose the security deposit.
1900 01:28:49 - Wait a minute! Wait a minute!- Can I finish a thought today?
1901 01:28:51 I'm so sorry, Mr. Scorpion.
1902 01:28:54 But, Natalie,
1903 01:28:56 ever since we tried onunderwear together...
1904 01:28:59 - I'm sorry. You talking to her?- Mmm-hmm.
1905 01:29:00 Finish your thought.
1906 01:29:02 I realized something.
1907 01:29:05 I've been living a lie, also.
1908 01:29:10 [gasps]
1909 01:29:11 Karen!
1910 01:29:13 What is happening to my life?
1911 01:29:16 [choking]
1912 01:29:20 [grunting]
1913 01:29:27 Oh, my God! How longhave you been living that lie?
1914 01:29:30 Honey! What? No!
1915 01:29:31 I didn't mean it. I just had toget the knife to her somehow!
1916 01:29:33 Okay! I get it now. God! Thank God!Okay, it's gonna be okay.
1917 01:29:38 [dreamy music playing]
1918 01:29:48 [gunshofl
1919 01:29:49 [man screams]
1920 01:29:51 It's raining men!
1921 01:29:57 You guys Okay?
1922 01:29:59 Grab the chips and follow us.Come on, let's go.
1923 01:30:10 - Chopper's ready.- Yeah, get 'em.
1924 01:30:11 And get the chips!
1925 01:30:15 Get back, get back, get back!
1926 01:30:22 - I'm almost out.- Me too.
1927 01:30:25 [Karen] What are we gonna do?
1928 01:30:28 -[Natalie] We'll have to jump for it.- Jump? Jump from where?
1929 01:30:31 Down there.
1930 01:30:32 [Natalie] There's a pool down below.
1931 01:30:35 It's our only chance.
1932 01:30:36 [Karen] Did you thinkany of this through?
1933 01:30:38 Okay.
1934 01:30:41 [shouflng]
1935 01:30:42 [Tim] Whoa! Whoa!Where are you going?
1936 01:30:47 Jeff? Jeff!
1937 01:30:50 Jeff. Jeff are you okay?
1938 01:30:52 - I just farted.- Buddy!
1939 01:30:54 You can't jump throughthe window like that.
1940 01:30:55 That's triple pane glass!You gotta break it first.
1941 01:30:57 Appreciate the effort though.
1942 01:30:59 Scoot back, everybody, all right?Just scoot back.
1943 01:31:03 Get out of the way.
1944 01:31:08 Really?
1945 01:31:09 Stand back!
1946 01:31:11 What?
1947 01:31:17 [Tim] Where'd you get that?
1948 01:31:18 I picked it up off a dead guy.
1949 01:31:20 - I thought he didn't need it.- Run! Out of the window!
1950 01:31:21 [Tim] All right. Come on.We're doing this. Let's go!
1951 01:31:22 _ -NOW! Now!-[Tlm] Jump! Jump! Jump!
1952 01:31:27 [crowd] Whoa!
1953 01:31:30 [crowd chattering]
1954 01:31:32 It's okay, everybody. It's okay.
1955 01:31:33 Where's Jeff?
1956 01:31:35 Guys, where's Jeff?
1957 01:31:40 Jeff! Jeff, you've gotta...
1958 01:31:41 ' “e so“ -flew. a mm“!
1959 01:31:43 Give me a second.
1960 01:31:45 - Jeff, jump! Please!- Just run and jump!
1961 01:31:48 Oh...
1962 01:31:49 This is perfect.
1963 01:31:52 You've been a painin my ass all day, Jeff.
1964 01:31:55 Okay, Ii... Bru... Mr. Scorpion,
1965 01:31:58 we all make choices in life and I...
1966 01:32:00 I'm not being judgmental,I promise you,
1967 01:32:02 but do you really think that violenceis the solution? There's this exer--
1968 01:32:08 He's all yours, gravity.
1969 01:32:20 And that's why you don't sting the...
1970 01:32:24 [crowd screaming]
1971 01:32:32 Always have plan B.
1972 01:32:35 [enthralling music playing]
1973 01:32:55 [Tim] I know it seemed a lot higher.
1974 01:32:57 Thank you very much.That's for you. Keep it all.
1975 01:32:58 Maybe you could videotapethat and put it online.
1976 01:32:59 Where did you get the gun from?
1977 01:33:01 No. I don't think we'regonna keep any of that online.
1978 01:33:03 That would get a lot of hits.
1979 01:33:05 And I lined it up, and smashed.
1980 01:33:06 Because there's shooting...
1981 01:33:08 Probably wanna keep ita little on the down low.
1982 01:33:09 Yes. Of course.Yeah, no, no, of course. Yes. Yes.
1983 01:33:11 I'm just saying.
1984 01:33:13 I'm so proud of you guys.
1985 01:33:14 - You guys wanna come inside?- Yeah, come in.
1986 01:33:16 Where are you guys staying?
1987 01:33:18 - You could stay with us!- Stay with us!
1988 01:33:20 Why wouldn't you stay with us?We have a pull-out couch.
1989 01:33:23 You can borrow some of my boxer briefsif you need anything to lounge in.
1990 01:33:26 - I've got a Wii.- We've got a flat screen TV!
1991 01:33:27 We have free Wi-Fi.
1992 01:33:29 - You guys are great! Really.-It's very nice of you to offer.
1993 01:33:32 But...
1994 01:33:33 Our ride is coming.
1995 01:33:34 Yeah. Yeah.You got your things you have to do.
1996 01:33:37 Your missions.
1997 01:33:47 Is that an Uber?
1998 01:33:48 Sort of.
1999 01:33:52 Hug?
2000 01:33:53 - Just a hug?- Just a hug.
2001 01:33:55 [laughing]
2002 01:33:56 Thank you. You're an amazing woman.
2003 01:33:59 Thank you.
2004 01:34:01 [sighs]
2005 01:34:03 You made an incredible lifefor yourself here, Jeff.
2006 01:34:05 Just remember to leave the cul-de-sac,every now and again.
2007 01:34:08 You'd be surprisedat what you find out there.
2008 01:34:13 We'll remember.
2009 01:34:15 - Time to go.- Yes.
2010 01:34:21 Where's the driver?
2011 01:34:24 Right here.
2012 01:34:26 There's no driver in the car.
2013 01:34:28 [Tim] If they're shooting at us,I get to drive.
2014 01:34:30 Now you wanna drive.
2015 01:34:32 I see how it works.
2016 01:34:34 You get to drive the good car.
2017 01:34:37 Bye, you guys!
2018 01:34:47 Okay.
2019 01:34:50 [Karen] You know, it's Parents Dayat the camp tomorrow.
2020 01:34:59 [eastern music playing]
2021 01:35:04 [chattering]
2022 01:35:24 [Karen] This is going straightto Facebook. Keep sucking!
2023 01:35:27 [camera clicking]
2024 01:35:28 - That's good.- What does it taste like?
2025 01:35:30 It tastes like Mikey's sock.
2026 01:35:32 But I mean that in a good way.Here, try it.
2027 01:35:34 Oh, I miss Mikey's little feetand his socks.
2028 01:35:37 Yeah. Here.
2029 01:35:39 Okay, ready?
2030 01:35:41 [camera clicking]
2031 01:35:42 [coughing] Oh, God! That really hurt.
2032 01:35:46 [Karen] What?
2033 01:35:48 Oh, my God!
2034 01:35:50 -[Jefi'] Guys!-[Karen] Natalie! Tim!
2035 01:35:52 You've gotta be kidding me!
2036 01:35:54 What?
2037 01:35:55 - Can I take this?- Are you kidding me?
2038 01:35:58 We are here because of you.
2039 01:35:59 You told us about this place
2040 01:36:00 and that's why we came!
2041 01:36:02 You are here. In Marrakesh.
2042 01:36:04 - That's a good memory. Wow.- Amazing!
2043 01:36:05 - What?- That's amazing.
2044 01:36:07 - My God.- You have a baby!
2045 01:36:08 - Yes, he just fell asleep.- He just fell asleep.
2046 01:36:11 You had a baby? You old dogs!
2047 01:36:13 Does that meanyou guys left the agency?
2048 01:36:15 - Well, yeah. It's a very...- Well...
2049 01:36:17 - Yeah?- Long story.
2050 01:36:18 But we can't reallyget into it right now.
2051 01:36:21 But, it's good to see you!
2052 01:36:24 Jeff, do me a big favor?Will you just...
2053 01:36:26 -scoot a little bit to your right?- Yeah. Sure thing.
2054 01:36:28 Thank you!
2055 01:36:29 I am blown away, you guys.This is un--
2056 01:36:31 Jeff, I don't want youto turn around right now,
2057 01:36:33 but there are four guys in fezzesbehind you on the...
2058 01:36:37 Jeff, I just said don't turn around.
2059 01:36:38 Jeff, I just specificallyasked you not to turn around.
2060 01:36:40 I know but you said there are fourguys in fezzes behind me.
2061 01:36:42 We're in Morocco.There's a lot of fezzes.
2062 01:36:43 But it's human nature,I think, to turn around
2063 01:36:45 to something like that.Don't you think?
2064 01:36:46 Honey. We blew their cover again.
2065 01:36:48 - No! No.- What?
2066 01:36:50 - We should feed the baby?- I think we should feed the baby.
2067 01:36:52 - If you can just pass me the bottle...- We blew their cover?
2068 01:36:53 -...that would be great.- Darn it.
2069 01:36:55 - Can you hold this bag for me?- Do you mind holding the baby?
2070 01:36:57 Before you freak out,it's just a baby.
2071 01:37:00 - All right? Don't worry.- Kids are great! I have pictures.
2072 01:37:02 - Karen, how do you get--- I'll tell you what.
2073 01:37:03 Just put it in here and show me.
2074 01:37:04 Kind of see what I'm dealing with.
2075 01:37:06 Okay. I see now.
2076 01:37:08 [Tim] Okay? See what that is?
2077 01:37:09 - It's okay, honey.- I need you to breathe.
2078 01:37:11 - You can do it.- You've done this before.
2079 01:37:13 On three, I want you to get down,and take cover. Okay?
2080 01:37:16 One...
2081 01:37:17 Two...
2082 01:37:19 Jesus, Jeff!Everybody down, right now.
2083 01:37:21 [all screaming]
2084 01:37:26 - I miss those guys.- Me too.
2085 01:37:51 ♪ This is our fork in the road I
2086 01:37:58 ♪ Love's last episode a'
2087 01:38:02 ♪ There's nowhere to goOh, no a'
2088 01:38:07 ♪ You made a choice I
2089 01:38:10 ♪ And now it's up to me 4'
2090 01:38:15 ♪ To bow out gracefully 4'
2091 01:38:19 ♪ Although you hold the keyBut, baby 4'
2092 01:38:25 ♪ Whenever you call meI'll be there r
2093 01:38:29 ♪ Whenever you want meI'll be there I
2094 01:38:33 ♪ Whenever you need meI'll be there r
2095 01:38:37 ♪ I'll be around I
2096 01:38:43 ♪ I knew just what to say ♪
2097 01:38:49 ♪ Now I found out today 4'
2098 01:38:52 ♪ That all the wordshad slipped away, but I know 4'
2099 01:38:59 ♪ There's always a chance a'
2100 01:39:02 ♪ A tiny spark will remain, yeah 4'
2101 01:39:06 ♪ And sparks turn into flames a'
2102 01:39:11 ♪ And love can burn once againBut I know you know 4'
2103 01:39:16 ♪ Whenever you call meI'll be there r
2104 01:39:20 ♪ Whenever you want meI'll be there I
2105 01:39:24 ♪ Whenever you need meI'll be there r
2106 01:39:29 ♪ I'll be around, yeah 4'
2107 01:39:50 ♪ Whenever you call meI'll be there r
2108 01:39:54 ♪ Whenever you want meI'll be there I
2109 01:39:59 ♪ Even if I have to crawlI'll be there r
2110 01:40:04 ♪ I'll be around I
2111 01:40:07 ♪ Just call me on the phoneI'll be there I
2112 01:40:12 ♪ I'll never leave you aloneI'll be there r
2113 01:40:16 ♪ Just call out my nameI know, I know that you know a'
2114 01:40:21 ♪ I'll be around I
2115 01:40:24 ♪ I'll be skippingand a-jumping I'll be there 4'
2116 01:40:29 ♪ I'll be rippin' it upI'll be there r
2117 01:40:33 ♪ I'll call out your nameTo let you know 4'
2118 01:40:38 ♪ I'll be around I
2119 01:41:01 [instrumental music playing]
