怪物史瑞克 Shrek(2001)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:47 "Once upon a time there was a lovely princess
2 00:00:52 "But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort...
3 00:00:56 "which could only be broken by love's first kiss.
4 00:01:01 "She was locked away in a castle...
5 00:01:03 "guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
6 00:01:08 "Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this deadful prison.
7 00:01:12 "but none prevailed.
8 00:01:15 "She waited in the dragon's keep...
9 00:01:17 "in the highest room of the tallest tower...
10 00:01:20 for her true love and true love's first kiss. "
11 00:01:25 Like that's ever gonna happen
12 00:03:37 - Think it's in there? - All right. Let's get it!
13 00:03:40 Whoa, Hold on. Do you know what thing can do to you?
14 00:03:43 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
15 00:03:46 Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.
16 00:03:50 Now, ogres... They're much worse.
17 00:03:54 They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
18 00:03:57 They'll shave your liver.
19 00:04:00 Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
20 00:04:03 -Actualy, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast!
21 00:04:06 Back! I warn ya!
22 00:04:29 This is the part where you run away.
23 00:04:40 And stay out!
24 00:04:45 "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures. "
25 00:04:54 All right. This one's full
26 00:04:56 Take it away!
27 00:04:59 - Move it along. Come on! Get up! - Next!
28 00:05:03 Give me that! Your flying days are over.
29 00:05:06 That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
30 00:05:08 Get up! Come on!
31 00:05:14 Keep quiet!
32 00:05:16 This cage is too small.
33 00:05:19 Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
34 00:05:21 I can change. Please! Give ma another chance!
35 00:05:24 Oh, shut up.
36 00:05:26 -Next! What have you got? -This little wooden puppet.
37 00:05:29 I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
38 00:05:34 Five shillings forthe possessed toy.
39 00:05:36 Take it away.
40 00:05:39 Next. What have you got?
41 00:05:41 Well, I've got a talking donkey.
42 00:05:43 Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prouve it.
43 00:05:48 Oh, go ahead, little fella.
44 00:05:54 Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous.
45 00:05:57 He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
46 00:06:01 - That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks!
47 00:06:03 He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
48 00:06:08 I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
49 00:06:11 - Get her out of my sight. -No, no!
50 00:06:13 I swear! Oh! He can talk!
51 00:06:20 Hey! I can fly!
52 00:06:23 - He can fly! - He can fly!
53 00:06:24 He can talk! Ha, ha! That's right, fool!
54 00:06:27 Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
55 00:06:30 Your right have seen a house fly maybe even a super fly,
56 00:06:32 but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly.
57 00:06:42 Seize him!
58 00:06:56 After him! He's getting away!
59 00:07:05 You there. Ogre!
60 00:07:07 Aye?
61 00:07:10 By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you under arrest...
62 00:07:14 and transport you to a designated... resettlement facility.
63 00:07:19 Oh, really? You and what army?
64 00:07:34 Can I say something to you?
65 00:07:36 Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!
66 00:07:40 Are you talking to... me? Whoa!
67 00:07:46 Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards!
68 00:07:50 They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam!
69 00:07:52 They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods.
70 00:07:54 That really made me feel good to see that.
71 00:07:56 - Oh, that's great. Really. - Man, it's good to be free.
72 00:08:00 Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
73 00:08:05 But, uh, I don't have any friends.
74 00:08:09 And I'm not goin' out there by myself.
75 00:08:11 Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
76 00:08:14 You're a mean, green, fightin' machine.
77 00:08:16 Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
78 00:08:23 Oh, wow! That was really scary.
79 00:08:25 If you don't mind me sayin' if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done,
80 00:08:29 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!
81 00:08:32 You almost burned the hair outta my nose,
82 00:08:36 just like the time...
83 00:08:39 Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
84 00:08:42 Why are you following me?
85 00:08:46 I'll tell you why.
86 00:08:49 'Cause I'm all alone
87 00:08:52 There's no one here beside me
88 00:08:56 My problems have all gone
89 00:08:59 There's no one to deride me
90 00:09:03 But you gotta have friend...
91 00:09:05 Stop singing!
92 00:09:08 It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
93 00:09:10 Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
94 00:09:14 Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
95 00:09:23 -Really tall? - No! I'm an ogre.
96 00:09:26 You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks. "
97 00:09:29 Doesn't that bother you?
98 00:09:32 Nope.
99 00:09:34 - Really? - Really,really.
100 00:09:37 Man, I like you. What's your name?
101 00:09:40 Uh, Shrek.
102 00:09:44 Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
103 00:09:47 You got a kind of I don't care what nobody thinks of me thing.
104 00:09:50 I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You alright.
105 00:09:55 Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
106 00:09:59 That would be my home.
107 00:10:02 Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
108 00:10:05 You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget.
109 00:10:09 I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
110 00:10:18 I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
111 00:10:21 I like my privacy.
112 00:10:22 You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in comon.
113 00:10:25 Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face.
114 00:10:27 You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
115 00:10:34 - Can I stay with you? - Uh, what?
116 00:10:37 Can I stay with you, please?
117 00:10:40 - Of course! - Really?
118 00:10:42 - No. - Please! I don't wanna go back there!
119 00:10:45 You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do.
120 00:10:49 But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!
121 00:10:51 - Please! Please! - Okay! Okay!
122 00:10:55 - But one night only. - Ah! Thank you!
123 00:10:57 - What are you- No! No! - This is gonna be fun!
124 00:11:00 We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,
125 00:11:02 and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
126 00:11:05 Where do, uh, I sleep?
127 00:11:08 Outside!
128 00:11:10 Oh,well, I guess that's cool.
129 00:11:13 I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me,
130 00:11:15 so I guess outside is best, you know.
131 00:11:18 Here I go.
132 00:11:23 Good night.
133 00:11:27 I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
134 00:11:31 I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know.
135 00:11:34 By myself, outside.
136 00:11:36 I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me
137 00:12:45 I thought I told you to stay outside.
138 00:12:48 I am outside.
139 00:12:57 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
140 00:13:01 It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
141 00:13:04 What a lovely bed.
142 00:13:06 - Got ya. - I found some cheese.
143 00:13:08 Blah! Awful stuff.
144 00:13:12 -Is that you, Gorder? - How did you know?
145 00:13:15 Enough! What are you doing in my house?
146 00:13:20 Oh!, no, no, no.
147 00:13:23 - Dead broad off the table. - Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
148 00:13:30 What?
149 00:13:32 I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre!
150 00:13:37 What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
151 00:13:40 -Aah! - Oh, no.
152 00:13:42 Oh, no.
153 00:13:45 No! No!
154 00:13:58 What are you doing in my swamp?
155 00:14:09 All right, get out of here. All of you, move it!
156 00:14:12 Come on! Let's go! Quickly. Come on!
157 00:14:15 No, no!
158 00:14:17 No, no. Not there. Not there.
159 00:14:23 Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
160 00:14:25 Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
161 00:14:28 - What? - We were forced to come here.
162 00:14:30 - By who? - Lord Farquaad.
163 00:14:33 He huffed und he puffed und he... signed an eviction notice.
164 00:14:40 Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
165 00:14:45 Oh, I do. I know where he is.
166 00:14:47 Does anyone else know where to find him?
167 00:14:53 - Anyone at all? - Me! Me!
168 00:14:55 - Anyone? - Oh! Oh, pick me!
169 00:14:57 Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
170 00:14:59 Okay, fine.
171 00:15:03 Attention, all fairy tale things.
172 00:15:07 Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out.
173 00:15:12 In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now...
174 00:15:16 and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
175 00:15:28 Oh! You!
176 00:15:30 You're comin' with me.
177 00:15:32 All right, that's what I like to hear, man
178 00:15:34 Shrek and donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure.
179 00:15:38 I love it!
180 00:15:40 On the road again
181 00:15:43 I can't wait to get on the road again
182 00:15:45 What did I say about singing?
183 00:15:47 - Can I whistle? - No.
184 00:15:49 - Can I hum it? - All right, hum it.
185 00:16:22 That's enough. He's ready to talk.
186 00:16:38 Run, run, run, as fast as you can.
187 00:16:40 You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
188 00:16:44 - You're a monster. - I'm not the monster here. You are.
189 00:16:48 You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world.
190 00:16:52 Now, tell me! Where are the others?
191 00:16:54 Eat me!
192 00:16:57 I've tried to be fair to you creatures.
193 00:17:00 Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...
194 00:17:03 No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
195 00:17:06 All right then. Who's hiding them?
196 00:17:08 Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
197 00:17:14 - The muffin man? - The muffin man.
198 00:17:16 Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
199 00:17:19 Well, she's married to the muffin man.
200 00:17:23 - The muffin man? - The muffin man!
201 00:17:25 She's married to the muffin man.
202 00:17:28 My lord! We found it.
203 00:17:30 Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
204 00:17:47 - Magic mirror... - Don't tell him anything!
205 00:17:52 No!
206 00:17:54 Evening.
207 00:17:58 Mirror, mirror, on the wall.
208 00:18:00 Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
209 00:18:03 Well, technically you're not a king.
210 00:18:10 - You were saying? - What I mean is, you're not a king yet.
211 00:18:13 But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
212 00:18:17 Go on.
213 00:18:20 So, just sit back and relax, my lord,
214 00:18:24 because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.
215 00:18:28 And here they are!
216 00:18:32 Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.
217 00:18:37 She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime.
218 00:18:39 Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters.
219 00:18:43 Please welcome Cinderella.
220 00:18:45 Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy.
221 00:18:49 Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy.
222 00:18:52 Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is.
223 00:18:56 Come on. Give it up for Snow White!
224 00:18:59 And last, but certainly not least,
225 00:19:02 bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead...
226 00:19:04 from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!
227 00:19:07 But don't let that cool you off.
228 00:19:12 Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona!
229 00:19:16 So will it be bachelorette number one,
230 00:19:19 bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
231 00:19:23 - Two! Two! - Three! Three!
232 00:19:25 - Two! Two! - Three!
233 00:19:26 Three? One? Three?
234 00:19:28 Three! Pick number three, my lord!
235 00:19:31 Okay, okay, uh, number three!
236 00:19:34 Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
237 00:19:43 Princess Fiona.
238 00:19:49 All I have to do is just find someone who can go...
239 00:19:52 But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
240 00:19:54 - I'll do it. - Yes, but after sunset...
241 00:19:56 Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen,
242 00:20:00 and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king!
243 00:20:04 Captain, assemble your finet men.
244 00:20:07 We're going to have a tournament.
245 00:20:12 But that's it. That'st it right there. That's DuLoc.
246 00:20:15 I told ya I'd find it.
247 00:20:17 So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
248 00:20:22 Uh...huh. That's the place.
249 00:20:24 Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
250 00:20:32 Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
251 00:20:34 Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
252 00:20:42 Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya.
253 00:20:45 I just... I just...
254 00:21:19 It's quiet.
255 00:21:23 Too quiet.
256 00:21:28 - WHere is everybody? - Hey, look at this!
257 00:21:45 Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
258 00:21:49 Here we have some rules Let us lay them down
259 00:21:52 Don't make waves, stay inline and we'll get along fine
260 00:21:56 DuLoc is a perfect place
261 00:22:00 Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
262 00:22:05 DuLoc is, DuLoc is
263 00:22:08 DuLoc is a perfect
264 00:22:12 Place
265 00:22:22 Wow! Let's do that again!
266 00:22:23 No. No. No, no, no! No.
267 00:22:30 Brave knights.
268 00:22:31 You are the best and brightest in the land.
269 00:22:35 Today one of you shall prove himself...
270 00:22:38 All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
271 00:22:40 Sorry about that.
272 00:22:42 That champion shall have the honour... no,no... the privilege...
273 00:22:48 to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona...
274 00:22:52 from the fiery keep of the dragon
275 00:22:55 If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
276 00:23:00 the fist runner-up will take his place
277 00:23:03 and so on and so forth.
278 00:23:06 Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
279 00:23:16 Let the tournament begin!
280 00:23:24 What is that?
281 00:23:28 - It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice.
282 00:23:32 It's just a donkey. Huh?
283 00:23:35 Indeed. Knights, new plan!
284 00:23:38 The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
285 00:23:43 - Get him! - Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
286 00:23:47 Go ahead! Get him!
287 00:23:49 Can't we just settle this over a pint?
288 00:23:53 Kill the beast!
289 00:23:54 No? All right then.
290 00:23:59 Come on!
291 00:24:09 I don't give a damn about my reputation
292 00:24:13 You're living in the past It's a new generation
293 00:24:17 A girl can do what she wants to do
294 00:24:20 And that's what I'm gonna do
295 00:24:22 And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
296 00:24:26 Oh no no no no no Not me
297 00:24:30 Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
298 00:24:34 And I don't give a damn about my reputation
299 00:24:37 Never said I wanted to improve my station
300 00:24:41 And I'm always feelin'good when I'm having fun
301 00:24:44 And I don't have to please no one
302 00:24:46 The chair! Give him the chair!
303 00:24:48 And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
304 00:24:50 Oh no no no no no Not me
305 00:24:54 Me me me
306 00:24:55 Oh no no no no
307 00:24:58 Not me not me
308 00:25:02 Not me
309 00:25:13 Thank you! Thank you very much!
310 00:25:16 I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
311 00:25:24 Shall I give the order, sir?
312 00:25:26 No, I have a better idea.
313 00:25:30 People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
314 00:25:35 - What? - Congratulations, ogre.
315 00:25:39 You've won the honour of embarking on a great and noble quest.
316 00:25:44 Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
317 00:25:48 - Your swamp? - Yeah, my swamp!
318 00:25:51 Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
319 00:25:57 All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal.
320 00:25:59 Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
321 00:26:03 Exactly the way it was?
322 00:26:06 Down to the last slime-covered toadtool.
323 00:26:08 - And the squatters? - As good as gone.
324 00:26:15 What kind of quest?
325 00:26:19 Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon...
326 00:26:21 and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp...
327 00:26:24 which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
328 00:26:27 Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
329 00:26:32 I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him?
330 00:26:35 Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress,
331 00:26:37 grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
332 00:26:40 Oh, I know what.
333 00:26:42 Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village...
334 00:26:45 and put thier heads on a pike,
335 00:26:47 gotten a knife, cut open thier spleen and drink their fluids.
336 00:26:50 Does that sound good to you?
337 00:26:53 Uh, no, not really, no.
338 00:26:55 For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
339 00:26:59 - Example? - Example?
340 00:27:02 - Okay, um, ogres are like onions. - They stink?
341 00:27:08 - Yes No! - They make you cry? - No!
342 00:27:11 You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
343 00:27:14 No! Layers!
344 00:27:16 Onions have layers.
345 00:27:19 Ogres have layers! Onions have layers.
346 00:27:22 You gt it? We both have layers.
347 00:27:26 Oh, you both have layers. Oh.
348 00:27:30 You know, not everybody likes onions.
349 00:27:34 Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
350 00:27:36 I don't care... what everyone likes.
351 00:27:40 Ogres are not like cakes.
352 00:27:46 You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits.
353 00:27:49 Have you ever met a person, you, say, "Let's get some parfait,"
354 00:27:51 they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"?
355 00:27:53 - Parfaits are delicious. - No!
356 00:27:55 You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden!
357 00:27:58 Ogres are like onions! End of the story.
358 00:28:01 Bye-bye. See ya later.
359 00:28:08 Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
360 00:28:12 You know, I think I preferred your humming.
361 00:28:15 Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess.
362 00:28:17 Just the word parfait make me start slobbering.
363 00:28:25 I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
364 00:28:33 I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
365 00:28:41 And everything that you receive up yonder
366 00:28:45 Is what you give to me the day I wander
367 00:28:49 I'm on my way
368 00:28:53 I'm on my way
369 00:28:57 I'm on my way
370 00:29:00 Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that?
371 00:29:02 You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open.
372 00:29:06 Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead.
373 00:29:10 It's brimstone.
374 00:29:13 - We must be getting close. - Yeah, right, brimstone.
375 00:29:16 Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It's wasn't no brimstone.
376 00:29:20 It didn't come off no stone neither.
377 00:29:40 Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.
378 00:29:46 Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said ogres have layers?
379 00:29:51 Oh, aye.
380 00:29:53 Well, I have a bit of a confession to make.
381 00:29:57 Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
382 00:30:00 - Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. - You know what I mean.
383 00:30:05 You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
384 00:30:07 I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickely bridge over a boiling lake of lava!
385 00:30:12 Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay?
386 00:30:16 For emotional support,
387 00:30:19 we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby stap at a time.
388 00:30:23 - Really? - Really, really.
389 00:30:25 - Okay, that makes me feel so much better. - Just keep moving.
390 00:30:29 - And don't look down. Okay, don't look down. Don't look down.
391 00:30:33 Don't look down. \Keep on moving. Don't look down.
392 00:30:37 Shrek! I'm lookin' down!
393 00:30:41 Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please!
394 00:30:44 - But you're already halfway. - But I know that half is safe!
395 00:30:47 Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
396 00:30:50 Shrek, no! Wait!
397 00:30:53 - Let's have a dance then, shall we? - Don't do that!
398 00:30:56 Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
399 00:31:00 - Oh, this? - Yes, that!
400 00:31:03 Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
401 00:31:07 No Shrek!
402 00:31:09 - No! Stop it! - You said do it! I'm doin' it.
403 00:31:12 I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die.
404 00:31:19 That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
405 00:31:27 Cool.
406 00:31:29 So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
407 00:31:32 Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
408 00:31:36 I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
409 00:31:54 You afraid?
410 00:31:56 No, but... Shh.
411 00:31:59 Oh, good. Me neither.
412 00:32:03 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid.
413 00:32:06 Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation.
414 00:32:10 Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add.
415 00:32:12 With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire,
416 00:32:15 it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared.
417 00:32:18 I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
418 00:32:22 Donkey, two things, okay?
419 00:32:26 Shut... up.
420 00:32:28 Now go over there and see\if you can find any stairs.
421 00:32:31 Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.
422 00:32:34 The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
423 00:32:39 - What makes you think she'll be there? - I read it in a book once.
424 00:32:42 Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs.
425 00:32:46 I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too.
426 00:32:50 Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.
427 00:32:56 I'm gonna take drastic steps.
428 00:32:58 Kick it to the kerb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master.
429 00:33:01 I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it.
430 00:33:08 Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the...
431 00:33:12 Dragon!
432 00:33:30 Donkey, look out!
433 00:33:44 Got ya!
434 00:34:25 Oh, what large teeth you have.
435 00:34:29 I mean, white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food,
436 00:34:33 but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there.
437 00:34:37 Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
438 00:34:40 And you know what else? You're... you're a girl dragon!
439 00:34:44 Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon.
440 00:34:49 You're just reeking off feminine beauty.
441 00:34:53 What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye?
442 00:34:58 Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh...
443 00:35:01 I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings.
444 00:35:05 Shrek!
445 00:35:07 No! Shrek! Shrek!
446 00:35:45 - WAke up! - What?
447 00:35:47 Are you Princess Fiona?
448 00:35:49 I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
449 00:35:54 Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
450 00:35:56 But wait, Sir Knight.
451 00:35:59 This be our first meeting.
452 00:36:01 Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
453 00:36:05 - Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. - Hey, wait. What are you doing?
454 00:36:09 You should sweep me off my feet...
455 00:36:11 out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
456 00:36:15 You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
457 00:36:22 But we have to savour this moment!
458 00:36:25 You could recite an epic poem for me.
459 00:36:28 A ballad? A sonnet!
460 00:36:30 - A limerick? Or something! - I don't think so.
461 00:36:34 Can I at least know the name of my champion?
462 00:36:38 Um, Shrek.
463 00:36:40 Sir Shrek.
464 00:36:44 I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.
465 00:36:50 Thanks!
466 00:36:56 You didn't slay the dragon?
467 00:36:58 It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
468 00:37:00 But this isn't right!
469 00:37:03 You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.
470 00:37:05 That's what all the other knights did.
471 00:37:08 Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
472 00:37:10 That's not the point. Oh!
473 00:37:14 Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.
474 00:37:16 Well, I have to save my ass.
475 00:37:18 What kind of knight are you?
476 00:37:21 One of a kind.
477 00:37:24 Slow down. Slow down, baby, please.
478 00:37:26 I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time.
479 00:37:31 Just call me old-fashioned.
480 00:37:33 I don't want to rush into a physical relationship.
481 00:37:37 I'm not that emotionally ready for commitment of, uh, this..
482 00:37:41 Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for.
483 00:37:43 Magnitude... Hey, that is unwanted physical contact.
484 00:37:47 Hey, what are you doing?
485 00:37:49 Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time.
486 00:37:52 We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals.
487 00:37:57 I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards...
488 00:38:01 I'd really love to stay, but...
489 00:38:03 Don't do that. That's my tail! That's my personal tail.
490 00:38:06 You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission What are you gonna do with that?
491 00:38:10 Hey, now. No way. No! No!
492 00:38:14 No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh!
493 00:38:43 - Hi, Princess! - It talks!
494 00:38:45 Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
495 00:39:24 Okay, you two, head for the exit!
496 00:39:27 I'll take care of the dragon.
497 00:39:37 Run!
498 00:40:27 You did it!
499 00:40:29 You rescued me! You're amizing. You're...
500 00:40:31 You're wonderful. You're...
501 00:40:35 a little unorthodox I'll admit.
502 00:40:38 But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure.
503 00:40:43 I am eternally in your debt.
504 00:40:46 And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
505 00:40:51 I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
506 00:40:57 The battle is won.
507 00:40:59 You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
508 00:41:01 - Uh, no. - Why not?
509 00:41:04 I have helmet hair.
510 00:41:06 Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
511 00:41:10 No, no, you wouldn't...
512 00:41:12 But how will you kiss me?
513 00:41:15 What? That wasn't in the job description.
514 00:41:19 Maybe it's a perk.
515 00:41:21 No. It's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes.
516 00:41:26 A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon...
517 00:41:30 is rescue by a brave knight,
518 00:41:33 and then they share true love's first kiss.
519 00:41:36 Hmm? With Shrek? You think... Wait.
520 00:41:39 Wait. You think Shrek is your true love?
521 00:41:41 Well, yes.
522 00:41:47 You think that Shrek is your true love!
523 00:41:50 What is so funny?
524 00:41:53 Let's just say, I'm not your type, okay?
525 00:41:56 Of course you are. You're my rescuer.
526 00:41:59 Now... Now remove your helmet.
527 00:42:02 Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
528 00:42:04 - Just take off the helmet. - I'm not going to.
529 00:42:06 - Take it off! - No!
530 00:42:08 - Now! - Okay!
531 00:42:10 Easy. As you command, Your Highness.
532 00:42:24 You... You're a... an ogre.
533 00:42:28 Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
534 00:42:32 Well, yes, actually.
535 00:42:36 Oh no. This is all wrong.
536 00:42:40 You're not supposed to be an ogre.
537 00:42:42 Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay?
538 00:42:47 He's the one who wants to marry you.
539 00:42:49 Then why didn't he come to rescue me?
540 00:42:51 Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
541 00:42:56 But I have to be rescued by my true love,
542 00:42:59 not by some ogre and his... his pet.
543 00:43:02 Well so much for noble steed.
544 00:43:04 Look princess. You're not making my job any easier.
545 00:43:07 Well I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem.
546 00:43:10 You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly,
547 00:43:15 I'll be waiting for him right here.
548 00:43:18 Hey, I'm no ones messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
549 00:43:23 You wouldn't dare.
550 00:43:25 - Ya comin', Donkey? - Put me down!
551 00:43:27 Yeah, I'm right behind ya.
552 00:43:29 Put me down or you will suffer the consequences!
553 00:43:33 This is not dignified! Put me down!
554 00:43:39 Okay, so here's another question.
555 00:43:41 Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way.
556 00:43:44 How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt,
557 00:43:46 but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?
558 00:43:49 You just tell her she's not your true love.
559 00:43:52 Everyone knows it what happens when you find your...
560 00:43:57 The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.
561 00:43:59 Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!
562 00:44:02 And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
563 00:44:06 Well, let me put it this way, Princess.
564 00:44:09 Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply.
565 00:44:15 I don't know. There are those who think little of him.
566 00:44:21 Stop it. Stop it, both of you.
567 00:44:24 You know, you're just jealous that you can never measure up to a great ruler like lord Farquaad.
568 00:44:29 Yeah. Well maybe you're right, Princess.
569 00:44:32 But I'd let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
570 00:44:35 Tomorrow? It's take that long?
571 00:44:40 - Shouldn't we stop to make camp? - No, that'll take longer.
572 00:44:44 - We can keep going. - But there are robbers in the woods.
573 00:44:49 Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.
574 00:44:52 Hey. Come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.
575 00:44:56 I need to find somewhere to camp now!
576 00:45:06 - Hey! over here. - Shrek, we can do better than that.
577 00:45:10 Now, I don't think this is fit for a princess.
578 00:45:13 No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
579 00:45:15 Homey touches? Like what?
580 00:45:20 A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
581 00:45:25 Do you want me to come in and read you a bedtime story? 'cause I will.
582 00:45:27 I said good night!
583 00:45:32 Shrek, what are you doing?
584 00:45:34 I just... You know... Oh, come on.
585 00:45:37 I was just kidding.
586 00:45:45 And, uh, that one, that's Throwback,
587 00:45:49 the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.
588 00:45:52 Right. Yeah.
589 00:45:55 Hey, can you tell my future form these stars?
590 00:45:58 Well, the stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories.
591 00:46:02 Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent.
592 00:46:06 - You can guess what he is famous for. - All right. Now I know you're making this up.
593 00:46:09 No. Look. There he is,
594 00:46:12 and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.
595 00:46:15 Man, there ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
596 00:46:18 You know donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear.
597 00:46:24 Forget it.
598 00:46:29 Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp back, anyway?
599 00:46:33 Our swamp?
600 00:46:35 You know. When we're through rescuing the princess and all that stuff.
601 00:46:37 We? Donkey, there is no "we". There's no "our".
602 00:46:42 There's just me and my swamp.
603 00:46:44 And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
604 00:46:49 You cut me deep, Shrek.
605 00:46:51 You cut me real deep just now.
606 00:46:55 You know what I think?
607 00:46:57 I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
608 00:47:00 - No, do ya think? - Are you hidin' something?
609 00:47:04 Never mind, Donkey.
610 00:47:06 Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
611 00:47:10 No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.
612 00:47:13 - Why don't you want to talk about it? - Why do you want to talk about it?
613 00:47:17 - Oh, Why you block? - I'm not blocking.
614 00:47:19 - Oh yes you are. - Donkey, I'm warning you.
615 00:47:21 - Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that Shrek. Who? - Everyone! Okay?
616 00:47:26 Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
617 00:47:29 Oh, for 'the love of Pete!
618 00:47:32 Hey, what's your problem Shrek? What do you got against the whole world anyway?
619 00:47:35 Look. I'm not the one with the problem, okay?
620 00:47:37 It's the world that seems to have a problem with me.
621 00:47:40 People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run!
622 00:47:44 A big, stupid, ugly ogre!"
623 00:47:48 They judge me, before they even know me.
624 00:47:52 That's why I'm better off alone.
625 00:48:02 You know what?
626 00:48:04 When we met, I didn't think you're was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
627 00:48:10 Yeah, I know.
628 00:48:13 So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
629 00:48:16 Well, there's, um, Gabby,
630 00:48:20 the Small and Annoying.
631 00:48:22 Okay, okay. I see it, now. The big shiny one, right there. That's one there?
632 00:48:27 - That's the moon. - Oh, okay.
633 00:48:52 Again. Show me again.
634 00:48:59 Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.
635 00:49:07 Ah. Perfect.
636 00:50:15 Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
637 00:50:18 - Oh come on, baby. I said I like it. - Donkey, wake up.
638 00:50:22 - Huh? What? - Wake up.
639 00:50:25 - What? - Good morning.
640 00:50:27 How do you like your eggs?
641 00:50:30 - Good morning, Princess! - What's all this about?
642 00:50:34 You know, we kind of got of to a bad start yesterday.
643 00:50:38 I wanted to make it up to you.
644 00:50:41 I mean, after all, you did rescue me.
645 00:50:45 Uh, thanks.
646 00:50:48 Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
647 00:50:57 Shrek!
648 00:50:59 What? It's a compliment.
649 00:51:01 Better out than in, I always say.
650 00:51:04 Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
651 00:51:07 - Thanks - She's as nasty as you are.
652 00:51:10 You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
653 00:51:15 Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
654 00:51:25 Princess!
655 00:51:27 What are you doing?
656 00:51:30 Be still, mon cherie, for I am your saviour!
657 00:51:33 And I am rescuing you from this green...beast
658 00:51:40 That's my princess! Go find your own!
659 00:51:43 Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
660 00:51:48 Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!
661 00:51:51 Oh, of course! How rude that was.
662 00:51:54 Please, let me introduce myself.
663 00:51:56 Oh, Merry Men!
664 00:52:05 I steal from the rich and give to the needy
665 00:52:07 - He takes a wee percentage - But I'm not greedy
666 00:52:10 I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good
667 00:52:12 What a guy, Monsieur Hood
668 00:52:18 I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid
669 00:52:21 What he's basically saying is he likes to get... Paid
670 00:52:23 So...When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush
671 00:52:26 - That's bad - That's bad
672 00:52:28 When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad
673 00:52:31 He's mad He's really, really mad
674 00:52:33 I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart
675 00:52:34 Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start
676 00:52:45 Man, that was annoying!
677 00:52:47 Oh, you little...
678 00:53:16 Um, shall we?
679 00:53:21 Hold the phone.
680 00:53:24 Oh! Whoa!, whoa, whoa. Hold on now.
681 00:53:27 - Where did that come from? - What?
682 00:53:29 That! Back there. That was amazing!
683 00:53:32 Where did you learn that?
684 00:53:34 Well- When one lives alone,
685 00:53:38 uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a...
686 00:53:40 - There is an arrow in your butt! - What?
687 00:53:43 - What? Oh, would you look at that? - Oh, no. This is all my fault.
688 00:53:47 - I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong?
689 00:53:49 - Shrek's hurt. - Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
690 00:53:52 - Donkey, I'm okay. You can't do this to me Shrek. I'm too young for you to die.
691 00:53:56 Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough.
692 00:53:58 - Does anyone know how the Heimlich? - Donkey! Calm down.
693 00:54:02 If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.
694 00:54:06 Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.
695 00:54:10 Don't die Shrek. And if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
696 00:54:13 - Donkey! - Oh, yeah. Right. Blue Flower, red thorns.
697 00:54:17 -Blue flower, red thorns. - What are the flowers for?
698 00:54:19 - For getting rid of the Donkey. - Ah.
699 00:54:21 Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
700 00:54:24 Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
701 00:54:26 - I'm sorry, but it has to come out. - No, it's tender.
702 00:54:29 Now, hold on.
703 00:54:31 What you're doing here is the opposite of help. - Don't move.
704 00:54:33 - Look, time out. - Would you...
705 00:54:36 Okay. What do you propose we do?
706 00:54:40 Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
707 00:54:43 This would be so much easier if I wasn't colour-blind!
708 00:54:45 Blue flower, red thorns
709 00:54:48 Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
710 00:54:52 Ow! Not good.
711 00:54:54 Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.
712 00:54:56 It's just about...
713 00:55:04 Nothing happened. We were just
714 00:55:07 Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do is ask.
715 00:55:10 Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind.
716 00:55:13 The princess here was just...
717 00:55:20 Hey, what's that?
718 00:55:23 That's... Is that blood?
719 00:55:42 My beloved monster and me
720 00:55:47 We go everywhere together
721 00:55:51 Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves
722 00:55:56 Gets us through all kinds of weather
723 00:56:01 She will always be the only thing
724 00:56:06 That comes between me and the awful sting
725 00:56:11 That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean
726 00:56:56 There it is, Princess.
727 00:56:58 Your future awaits you.
728 00:57:01 - That's Duloc? - Yeah, I know.
729 00:57:03 You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something,
730 00:57:06 which I think means, he has a really...
731 00:57:08 Um, I, uh...
732 00:57:10 - I guess we better move on. - Sure.
733 00:57:13 But Shrek?
734 00:57:15 I'm... I'm worried about Donkey.
735 00:57:18 - What? - I mean, look at him.
736 00:57:20 - He doesn't look so good. - What are you talking about? I'm fine.
737 00:57:23 Well, that's what they always say, and the next thing you know, you're on your back.
738 00:57:28 - Dead. - You know, she's right.
739 00:57:31 You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
740 00:57:34 - You know, I'll make you up some tea. - Well, I didn't want to say nothing
741 00:57:37 but I've got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look.
742 00:57:40 Ow! See?
743 00:57:41 - Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. - I'll get the firewood.
744 00:57:44 Hey, where are you goin'? Oh man, I can't feel my toes!
745 00:57:49 I don't have any toes!
746 00:57:51 I think I need a hug.
747 00:58:00 Mmm. This is good. This is really good.
748 00:58:06 - What is this? - Uh, weedrat.
749 00:58:08 Rotisserie style.
750 00:58:10 No kidding.
751 00:58:13 Well, this is delicious.
752 00:58:15 Well, they're also great in stews.
753 00:58:17 Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean wheedrat stew.
754 00:58:25 I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
755 00:58:29 Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime.
756 00:58:34 I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you.
757 00:58:37 Swamp toast soup, fish eye tartare... you name it.
758 00:58:42 I'd like that.
759 00:58:54 Um, Princess?
760 00:58:57 - - Yes, Shrek?
761 00:59:01 - I was wondering
762 00:59:05 Are, you...
763 00:59:07 You belong to me
764 00:59:10 Are you gonna eat that?
765 00:59:20 -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. - Sunset?
766 00:59:24 Oh, no! I mean, it's late.
767 00:59:26 - I... It's very late. - What?
768 00:59:28 Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here.
769 00:59:31 - You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? - Yes!
770 00:59:34 Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know I'd better go inside.
771 00:59:38 But don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until...
772 00:59:42 Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
773 00:59:46 Good night.
774 00:59:48 Good night.
775 00:59:54 I really see what's going on
776 00:59:57 Oh, what are you talkin' about?
777 00:59:59 I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.
778 01:00:02 I know that you two are diggin' on each other. I could feel it.
779 01:00:04 Oh, you're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
780 01:00:07 Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones.
781 01:00:11 Just go in and tell her how you feel
782 01:00:13 There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,
783 01:00:18 well you know...
784 01:00:20 and I'm not sayin' that I do 'cause I don't...
785 01:00:23 she's a princess and I'm...
786 01:00:26 An ogre?
787 01:00:28 Yeah. An ogre.
788 01:00:31 - Hey, where are you goin'? - To get... more firewood.
789 01:00:54 Princess?
790 01:00:56 Princess Fiona?
791 01:01:03 Princess, where are you?
792 01:01:11 Princess?
793 01:01:17 It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
794 01:01:30 - Oh, no! - No, help!
795 01:01:32 - Shh! - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - No, it's okay. It's okay.
796 01:01:35 - What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, shhh, I'm the princess.
797 01:01:38 It's me, in this body.
798 01:01:41 Oh, my God! You ate the princess!
799 01:01:44 - Can you hear me? - Donkey!
800 01:01:46 - Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! - No!
801 01:01:48 - Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! - Shh.
802 01:01:51 - Shrek! - This is me.
803 01:01:58 Princess?
804 01:02:01 What happened to you? You're, uh, uh,
805 01:02:04 uh, different.
806 01:02:06 - I'm ugly, okay? - Well, yeah!
807 01:02:09 Was it something that you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea.
808 01:02:12 - You are what you eat, I said. Now... -No.
809 01:02:15 I... I've been this way as long as I can remember.
810 01:02:18 What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
811 01:02:21 It only happens when the sun goes down.
812 01:02:25 "By night one way, by day another.
813 01:02:29 "This shall be the norm...
814 01:02:31 "until you find true love's first kiss...
815 01:02:34 and then, take love's true form. "
816 01:02:39 Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
817 01:02:42 It's a spell.
818 01:02:44 When I was a little girl,
819 01:02:47 a witch cast a spell on me.
820 01:02:50 Every night I become this.
821 01:02:52 This horrible, ugly beast!
822 01:02:59 I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me.
823 01:03:04 That's why I have to marry lord Farquaad tomorrow...
824 01:03:06 before the sun sets and he sees me...
825 01:03:11 like this.
826 01:03:14 All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad.
827 01:03:17 You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly.
828 01:03:22 But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
829 01:03:25 But Donkey, I'm a princess,
830 01:03:28 and this is not how a princess is meant to look.
831 01:03:32 Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
832 01:03:36 I have to.
833 01:03:38 Only my true love's kiss can brake the spell.
834 01:03:41 But you know, you're kind of an ogre,
835 01:03:44 and Shrek... well, you've got a lot in common.
836 01:03:48 Shrek?
837 01:03:49 Princess, I... Uh, how's it going, first of all?
838 01:03:53 Good? Um, good for me too.
839 01:03:56 I'm okay.
840 01:03:58 I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and...
841 01:04:03 well, I don't really like it, but I thought you may like it, 'cause you're pretty.
842 01:04:07 But I like you anyway. I'd...
843 01:04:13 I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
844 01:04:16 I can't just marry whoever I want.
845 01:04:19 Take a good look at me, Donkey.
846 01:04:21 I mean, really,
847 01:04:23 who could ever love a beast so hideous and hugly?
848 01:04:26 "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together.
849 01:04:29 That's why I can't stay here with Shrek.
850 01:04:31 My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
851 01:04:36 Don't you see, Donkey?
852 01:04:39 That's just how it has to be.
853 01:04:43 It's the only way to break the spell.
854 01:04:46 - You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. - No!
855 01:04:49 You can't breathe the word. No one must ever know.
856 01:04:52 What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
857 01:04:54 Promise you won't tell. Promise!
858 01:04:57 All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should.
859 01:05:00 I just know, before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.
860 01:05:03 Look at my eye twitchin'.
861 01:05:29 I tell him, I tell him not.
862 01:05:34 I tell him, I tell him not.
863 01:05:38 I tell him.
864 01:05:40 Shrek!
865 01:05:42 Shrek, there's something I want...
866 01:06:05 Shrek.
867 01:06:09 - Are you all right? - Perfect!
868 01:06:11 Never been better.
869 01:06:13 I... I don't... There's something I have to tell you.
870 01:06:16 You don't have to tell me anything, Princess.
871 01:06:19 - I heard enough last night. - You heard what I said?
872 01:06:21 Every word.
873 01:06:23 I thought you'd understand?
874 01:06:25 Oh, I understand!
875 01:06:27 Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
876 01:06:31 But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
877 01:06:34 Yeah, well, it does.
878 01:06:38 Ah, right on time.
879 01:06:41 Princess, I brought you a little something.
880 01:06:48 What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
881 01:06:52 Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
882 01:06:56 Princess Fiona.
883 01:06:58 As promised. Now hand it over.
884 01:07:01 Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out as agreed.
885 01:07:05 Take it and go before I change my mind.
886 01:07:10 Forgive me, Princess, for startling you,
887 01:07:13 but you startled me,
888 01:07:15 For I've never seen such a radiant beauty before.
889 01:07:19 I am lord Farquaad.
890 01:07:22 Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.
891 01:07:26 Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying...
892 01:07:29 a short... farewell.
893 01:07:34 That is so sweet. You don't have to raise good manners on the ogre.
894 01:07:39 It's not like it has feelings.
895 01:07:41 No. You're right. It doesn't.
896 01:07:45 Princess Fiona, beautiful fair flawless Fiona.
897 01:07:49 I ask your hand in marriage.
898 01:07:52 Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
899 01:08:01 Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make...
900 01:08:06 Excellent! I'll start the plans for tomorrow we wed!
901 01:08:09 No! I mean, uh,
902 01:08:11 Why wait?
903 01:08:13 Let's get married today before the sun sets.
904 01:08:17 Oh, anxious, are we? You're right.
905 01:08:20 The sooner, the better. There's so much to do!
906 01:08:24 There is the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list.
907 01:08:27 Captain, round up some guests.
908 01:08:30 Fare-thee-well, ogre.
909 01:08:33 Shrek, what are you doing? You let her get away.
910 01:08:35 - Yeah? So what? - Shrek, there's something about her you don't know.
911 01:08:38 Look, I talked to her last night. She's
912 01:08:40 Yeah I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?
913 01:08:45 Now, if you two are such good friends, why didn't you follow her home?
914 01:08:48 Shrek, I wanna go with you.
915 01:08:50 I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me.
916 01:08:54 I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else!
917 01:08:58 Understand? Nobody!
918 01:09:00 Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
919 01:09:05 - But. I thought... -Yeah. You know what?
920 01:09:08 You thought wrong!
921 01:09:12 Shrek.
922 01:11:34 Donkey?
923 01:11:36 What are you doing?
924 01:11:39 I would think, of all the people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.
925 01:11:42 Well, yeah.
926 01:11:44 But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.
927 01:11:47 It is around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.
928 01:11:50 Oh, your half? Hmm.
929 01:11:53 Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess.
930 01:11:55 I did half the work, I get half the booty.
931 01:11:58 Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.
932 01:12:01 - Back off! - No, you back off.
933 01:12:03 - This is my swamp! - Our swamp.
934 01:12:06 - Let go, Donkey! - You let go.
935 01:12:08 - Stubborn jackass! - Smelly ogre.
936 01:12:10 Fine!
937 01:12:12 - Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. - Well, I'm through with you.
938 01:12:15 Uh...uh. Well, you know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!"
939 01:12:19 Well, guess what! Now it's my turn!
940 01:12:21 So you just shut up and pay attention!
941 01:12:24 You are mean to me.
942 01:12:26 You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!
943 01:12:28 You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
944 01:12:31 Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
945 01:12:35 Because that's what friend do! They forgive each other!
946 01:12:39 Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey.
947 01:12:42 I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back!
948 01:12:46 Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.
949 01:12:52 - Go away! - There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona.
950 01:12:55 And all she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
951 01:12:58 Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature.
952 01:13:02 I heard the two of youtalking.
953 01:13:04 She wasn't talking about you.
954 01:13:06 She was talking about, uh, somebody else.
955 01:13:11 She wasn't talking about me?
956 01:13:13 Well, then who was she talking about?
957 01:13:16 Uh...uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.
958 01:13:19 - Right? Right? - Donkey!
959 01:13:21 No!
960 01:13:23 Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
961 01:13:32 I'm sorry.
962 01:13:34 I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
963 01:13:40 Can you forgive me?
964 01:13:44 Hey, that's the friends are for, right?
965 01:13:46 Right. Friends?
966 01:13:49 Friends.
967 01:13:51 So, um,
968 01:13:54 what did Fiona say about me?
969 01:13:56 What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
970 01:13:59 The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
971 01:14:03 Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way.
972 01:14:06 And I have a way.
973 01:14:12 Donkey?
974 01:14:15 I guess this is just my animal magnetism.
975 01:14:19 Aw, come here, you.
976 01:14:20 All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
977 01:14:23 All right, hop on and hold on tight.
978 01:14:26 I hadn't have a chance to install seat belts yet.
979 01:15:01 People of DuLoc,
980 01:15:04 we gather here today...
981 01:15:06 to bear witness...
982 01:15:08 to the union...
983 01:15:10 - of our new king - Excuse me.
984 01:15:13 Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
985 01:15:16 Go on.
986 01:15:23 Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whisle. How about that?
987 01:15:29 Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute!
988 01:15:31 - You want to do this right, don't you? - What are you talking about?
989 01:15:34 There's a line, There's a line you gotta wait for.
990 01:15:36 The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace. "
991 01:15:38 - That's when you say, "I object!" - I don't have time for this!
992 01:15:42 Wait, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me!
993 01:15:44 - Look, you love this woman, don't you? - Yes.
994 01:15:46 - You wanna hold her? - Yes.
995 01:15:47 - Please her? - Yes!
996 01:15:49 Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness
997 01:15:52 - The chicks love that romantic crap! - All right! Cut it out.
998 01:15:55 - When does this guy say the line? - We gotta check it out.
999 01:15:59 And so, by the power vested in me,
1000 01:16:02 - What do you see? - The whole town's in there.
1001 01:16:05 - I know pronounce you husband and wife, - They're at the altar.
1002 01:16:09 - king and queen. - Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
1003 01:16:11 for the love of Pete!
1004 01:16:15 I object!
1005 01:16:17 Shrek?
1006 01:16:20 Oh, now what does he want?
1007 01:16:25 Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya?
1008 01:16:28 I love DuLoc, first of all.
1009 01:16:30 - Very clean. - What are you doing here?
1010 01:16:33 Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you.
1011 01:16:36 - but showing up uninvited to a wedding- - Fiona!
1012 01:16:39 - I need to talk to you. - Oh, now you wanna talk?
1013 01:16:43 Well, it's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me...
1014 01:16:46 - But you can't marry him. - And why not?
1015 01:16:48 Because... Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.
1016 01:16:52 Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
1017 01:16:54 - He's not your true love. - And what do you know about true love?
1018 01:16:58 Well, I... Uh...
1019 01:17:01 I mean... - Oh, this is precious.
1020 01:17:05 the ogre has fallen in love with the princess!
1021 01:17:09 Oh, good Lord.
1022 01:17:11 An ogre and a princess!
1023 01:17:19 Shrek, is this true?
1024 01:17:22 Who cares? It's preposterous!
1025 01:17:25 Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away for our "happily ever after. "
1026 01:17:29 Now kiss me! Mmmm!
1027 01:17:36 "By night one way, by day another. "
1028 01:17:41 I wanted to show you before.
1029 01:18:09 that explains a lot.
1030 01:18:12 Ugh! It's disgusting!
1031 01:18:15 Guards! Guards!
1032 01:18:17 I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them!
1033 01:18:20 - Get them both! - No, no!
1034 01:18:23 This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king!
1035 01:18:27 - See? See? - No, let go of me! Shrek!
1036 01:18:29 No! Don't just stand there, you morons.
1037 01:18:31 Get out of my way! Fiona!
1038 01:18:39 I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered!
1039 01:18:42 - You'll beg for death to save you! - No! Shrek!
1040 01:18:45 - And as for you, my wife. - Fiona!
1041 01:18:48 I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
1042 01:18:51 I am king!
1043 01:18:53 I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have...
1044 01:19:02 - Aah! - All right. Nobody move.
1045 01:19:04 I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
1046 01:19:08 I'm a donkey on the edge!
1047 01:19:14 Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
1048 01:19:18 Go ahead Shrek.
1049 01:19:21 Uh, Fiona?
1050 01:19:25 Yes, Shrek?
1051 01:19:27 I... I love you.
1052 01:19:31 Really?
1053 01:19:35 Really, really.
1054 01:19:38 I love you too.
1055 01:19:49 "Until you find true love's first kiss...
1056 01:19:52 and then take love's true form. "
1057 01:20:19 "Take love's true form. Take love's true form. "
1058 01:20:28 Fiona?
1059 01:20:33 Fiona.
1060 01:20:36 Are you all right?
1061 01:20:38 Well, yes.
1062 01:20:40 But I don't understand.
1063 01:20:44 I'm supposed to be beautiful.
1064 01:20:48 But you are beautiful.
1065 01:20:53 I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
1066 01:21:00 I thought love was only true in fairy tales
1067 01:21:06 Meant for someone else but not for me
1068 01:21:12 Love was out to get me
1069 01:21:15 That's the way it seemed
1070 01:21:18 Disappointment haunted all my dreams
1071 01:21:22 And then I saw her face
1072 01:21:26 Now I'm a believer
1073 01:21:28 And not a trace Of doubt in my mind
1074 01:21:34 I'm in love
1075 01:21:38 I'm a believer I couldn't leave her
1076 01:21:41 If I tried
1077 01:21:43 God bless us, every one.
1078 01:21:47 -Come on -Then I saw her face
1079 01:21:51 Now I'm a believer
1080 01:21:54 Not a trace
1081 01:21:57 Of doubt in my mind
1082 01:22:00 I'm in love
1083 01:22:03 I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried
1084 01:22:10 Then I saw her face
1085 01:22:13 Now I'm a believer
1086 01:22:16 Not a trace
1087 01:22:19 Of doubt in my mind
1088 01:22:22 I'm in love I'm a believer
1089 01:22:27 Come on!
1090 01:22:29 I believe, I believe I believe, I believe
1091 01:22:31 I believe, I believe I believe, I believe, I believe, hey
1092 01:22:33 Y'all sing it with me!
1093 01:22:36 Believe
1094 01:22:38 I believe
1095 01:22:41 I believe
1096 01:22:44 I'm a believer
1097 01:22:47 I believe
1098 01:22:50 I believe
1099 01:22:57 Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.
1100 01:22:59 I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
1101 01:23:03 I believe in self-assertion
1102 01:23:05 Destiny or a slight divertion
1103 01:23:07 Now it seems I've got my head on straight
1104 01:23:12 I'm freak an apparition
