里卡多一家 Being the Ricardos(2021)(EN)Subtitles

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1 00:00:41 (audience laughter)
2 00:00:48 JESS:It was a scary week.
3 00:00:50 'Cause here's what you got to understand.
4 00:00:52 A hit television show today鈥?
5 00:00:54 a big hit television show鈥?what does it get?
6 00:00:57 Ten million viewers.
7 00:00:58 Let's go crazy and say 15.
8 00:01:01 15 million viewers,'cause this is a big, giant hit.
9 00:01:05 Here's what you got to understand.
10 00:01:07 I Love Lucy: 60 million.
11 00:01:10 Oh, yeah. (chuckles)
12 00:01:12 It's been a long time,but I remember that week.
13 00:01:15 That was a scary week.
14 00:01:18 It was a very scary week.
15 00:01:20 Those guys scare too easy.
16 00:01:22 I'm from the Midwest.
17 00:01:24 I've lived through the Depression,the Dust Bowl.
18 00:01:26 I don't scare that easy.
19 00:01:27 But, yeah, it was a scary goddamn week.
20 00:01:30 Department stores used to beopen late on Monday nights.
21 00:01:33 Then they switched to Thursday night.
22 00:01:35 You know why?
23 00:01:36 'Cause nobody was leaving homeduring I Love Lucy on Mondays.
24 00:01:40 There was a significant drop-offin the number of people using water
25 00:01:44 between 9:00 and 9:30 on Monday nights.
26 00:01:46 Out of the blue鈥?
27 00:01:47 Everyone almost lost their jobs.
28 00:01:50 Lucy and Desi almost lost their lives.
29 00:01:52 Out of thin air.
30 00:01:54 You're asking when did they find out?
31 00:01:56 Same time as everyone else,listening to Walter Winchell.
32 00:01:59 I'm minding my own business,listening to Walter Winchell, and bam.
33 00:02:04 At the end of the broadcast.
34 00:02:06 This is what you got to understand.
35 00:02:09 It wasn't small potatoes when Winchellended his broadcast by saying鈥?
36 00:02:13 鈥淟ucille Ball is a Communist.鈥?
37 00:02:17 Just like that.
38 00:02:18 Lucille Ball is a memberof the Communist Party.
39 00:02:21 -Yeah.-And she'd already seen the magazine story
40 00:02:24 about Desi when Winchell came on.
41 00:02:28 The magazine came out on Mondays,
42 00:02:29 but her publicist brought her a copyon Sunday night.
43 00:02:32 What were they doingwhen they first heard the news?
44 00:02:34 What were they doing?
45 00:02:35 I don't knowwhat Lucy and Desi were doing,
46 00:02:37 but it was Lucy and Desi, so they wereeither tearing each other's heads off
47 00:02:41 or tearing each other's clothes off.
48 00:02:42 ANNOUNCER (over radio): It's time,America, time for Walter Winchell.
49 00:02:45 Presented to you by Gruen,the Precision watch.
50 00:02:48 Gruen, the finest watch you can wear.
51 00:02:51 -Gruen, the finest watch you can give,brings you the man鈥?-(door opens)
52 00:02:53 -DESI: Lucy, I'm home.-(door closes)
53 00:02:55 LUCILLE: Where the hell have you been,you Cuban dimwit?!
54 00:02:58 DESI:Oye, easy does it.
55 00:03:00 LUCILLE:You philandering bongo player!
56 00:03:02 -DESI: I was playing cards with鈥?-(slap)
57 00:03:03 -Hey! I was playing cards with鈥?co帽o.-(slap)
58 00:03:05 -Oh, damn it.-You tell me when it starts to hurt.
59 00:03:07 鈾?鈾?
60 00:03:09 -LUCILLE: The boat? The鈥?-DESI: Yes,we were playing cards on the boat.
61 00:03:11 LUCILLE:Since last night? Since 27 hours ago?
62 00:03:14 -DESI: Yes.-And you couldn't get to a phone?
63 00:03:16 -DESI: No.-Why?
64 00:03:17 DESI:I was passed out a lot of that time.
65 00:03:18 (Lucille groans angrily)
66 00:03:21 LUCILLE:That's tomorrow's Confidential.
67 00:03:23 DESI:Why do you even read that magazine?
68 00:03:25 -LUCILLE: Why do I even鈥?Well, in this case鈥?-(Desi groans)
69 00:03:27 鈥t's 'cause my husband's on the coverwith another woman.
70 00:03:29 So it caught my eye.
71 00:03:31 The story chronicles a night on the townwith you and the鈥?
72 00:03:33 DESI:That's somebody's niece.
73 00:03:34 -LUCILLE: What the hell do I care ifit's somebody's niece? -From Westinghouse.
74 00:03:36 That's the Westinghouse corporate鈥?You were there.
75 00:03:38 That's the guy's niece.
76 00:03:40 That picture was taken last summer.
77 00:03:44 LUCILLE:You're right.
78 00:03:46 This was takenat the Westinghouse corporate retreat.
79 00:03:48 -DESI: Yes.-I apologize.
80 00:03:51 -DESI: Hmm. Say, 鈥淒esi,I apologize for doubting you鈥︹€?-No.
81 00:03:54 DESI: 鈥溾€or I see now that this picturewas taken not last Wednesday night
82 00:03:58 鈥渂ut six months agoat the Westinghouse corporate retreat,
83 00:04:01 and I will never doubtyour love for me again.鈥?
84 00:04:03 -Say that.-No, and you're doing it again.
85 00:04:05 You're pronouncing it 鈥淲esting-gouse.鈥?
86 00:04:08 DESI:It is 鈥淲esting-gouse.鈥?
87 00:04:09 LUCILLE:鈥淲estinghouse.鈥?
88 00:04:11 DESI:Say, 鈥淕-H-O-S-T.鈥?
89 00:04:14 LUCILLE:鈥淕host.鈥?
90 00:04:15 DESI:You don't pronounce an 鈥淗鈥?after a 鈥淕.鈥?
91 00:04:17 鈥淲esting-gouse.鈥?
92 00:04:19 LUCILLE (breathlessly):Everything in the magazine was made up?
93 00:04:22 DESI:I haven't read the story in the magazine,
94 00:04:24 but unless the story's about meplaying cards on the boat鈥?
95 00:04:26 -LUCILLE (panting): It's not.-Then, yes, it's made up.
96 00:04:28 Amor, get it through your head.
97 00:04:30 -You are the only thing I want.-(kissing)
98 00:04:33 LUCILLE:Well, then you're an idiot.
99 00:04:35 -DESI: Ah, come here.-(both moaning)
100 00:04:37 WINCHELL: The House Committeeon Un-American Activities is holding
101 00:04:38 a secret session in California.
102 00:04:40 The most popular of all television stars
103 00:04:42 was confronted with her membershipin the Communist Party.
104 00:04:47 -Wait! (panting)-Wait.
105 00:04:50 Wait.
106 00:04:51 (panting)
107 00:04:54 What did he say?
108 00:04:55 He said, 鈥淭he most popularof all television stars was鈥︹€?
109 00:04:58 鈥淲as confronted with her membershipin the Communist Party.鈥?
110 00:05:02 Yes.
111 00:05:04 He could have been talking aboutImogene Coca.
112 00:05:06 Fuck you.
113 00:05:08 He was not talking about Imogene Coca.
114 00:05:20 (quiet chatter)
115 00:05:27 VIVIAN:This is nonsense.
116 00:05:28 It's nonsense, and it will get worsebefore it gets better.
117 00:05:32 Little Rusty Hamer,when he signed his contract鈥?
118 00:05:36 or the guardian,whoever signs the contract for him鈥?
119 00:05:38 he had to sign a loyalty pledge.
120 00:05:40 Did anyone know that?
121 00:05:44 Hmm?
122 00:05:45 Bill?
123 00:05:49 Bill?
124 00:05:52 Is she talking to me?
125 00:05:53 Yeah.
126 00:05:54 'Cause she knows I'm here?She can see me?
127 00:05:56 Yes.
128 00:05:57 VIVIAN: Did you know Little Rustyhad to sign a loyalty pledge?
129 00:05:59 I don't know who the fuck Little Rusty is.
130 00:06:01 Rusty Hamer from The Danny Thomas Show.
131 00:06:03 -That's not his name.-It is his name.
132 00:06:04 -The littlest kid from Danny's show?-Yes.
133 00:06:06 Rusty is the character's name,not the actor.
134 00:06:08 They're both named Rusty.Rusty Williams is played by Rusty Hamer.
135 00:06:11 And Hamer's a Communist?
136 00:06:12 He's seven years old.
137 00:06:14 -And he's interested in politics?-No, imbecile.
138 00:06:16 I'm saying he's seven years oldand they made him sign a loyalty pledge.
139 00:06:20 Uh-huh?
140 00:06:21 This is getting out of hand was my point.
141 00:06:23 Why isn't Danny Thomas's kidnamed Rusty Thomas?
142 00:06:26 Are you drunk?
143 00:06:28 It's 10:00 a.m., Vivian,so, you know, of course.
144 00:06:30 Bob and Jess and I were up all weekend
145 00:06:32 working on the scriptyou're about to read,
146 00:06:34 so on behalf of all of us, I want to sayhow much we appreciate your respect.
147 00:06:38 Believe me, you do not want meto read this sober.
148 00:06:40 I'm starting to get a little tiredof your casual insults.
149 00:06:42 Well, my insults don't feel likeputting on a fucking tuxedo for you, kid.
150 00:06:45 Jess, why don't you tell your supportingcast that we don't work for him either.
151 00:06:48 You all work for me!
152 00:06:50 Wh鈥?What you allhave to understand is this.
153 00:06:55 Here's what you have to understand.
154 00:06:58 We're all tense.
155 00:07:07 Seriously? That was it?
156 00:07:09 We're all tense.And the cure for that is just do the show.
157 00:07:12 Normal production week.
158 00:07:14 We're gonna need someoneto play Lucy and Ricky.
159 00:07:15 Those are critical roles.
160 00:07:16 The two of them are in Desi's office
161 00:07:18 meeting with the networkand the sponsor right now.
162 00:07:20 I'm sure there's an explanation.This will all be over by show night.
163 00:07:22 One way or the other.
164 00:07:24 Yeah. No.
165 00:07:25 Let me be clear.
166 00:07:26 I said, 鈥淭his will all be overby show night.鈥?
167 00:07:28 Bill said, 鈥淥ne way or the other.鈥?That's gallows humor.
168 00:07:30 I said, 鈥淵eah,鈥?but I did not鈥?
169 00:07:31 -The sooner you stop talking鈥?-Yeah.
170 00:07:34 I think everyone's acquainted,but let's go around. Joe.
171 00:07:37 Uh, Joe Strickland, CBS.
172 00:07:38 Howard Wenke, also CBS.
173 00:07:40 Roger Otter, Philip Morris.
174 00:07:42 Irwin Gotlieb, attorney for Desilu.
175 00:07:45 Sam Stein, attorney for Lucille Ball.
176 00:07:47 Tip Tribby, VP of Public Relationsfor Philip Morris.
177 00:07:50 Tip, if Winchell had it cold,he'd have used her name,
178 00:07:54 it would have been at the top of the show,not the bottom,
179 00:07:56 and this morning, we'd be reading about iton the front page of every paper.
180 00:08:00 -Am I right?-Yes.
181 00:08:01 They don't have it.
182 00:08:02 Can you see where CBS might be concernedthat there's an it to have?
183 00:08:05 -Do you see that?-Uh, couldn't follow you.
184 00:08:08 Lucy, you need to tell me right hereand now what the hell is going on.
185 00:08:10 You don't want to talk to my wifelike that, amigo.
186 00:08:12 Or what, Des, you're gonna beat me up?
187 00:08:13 Oh, she will.
188 00:08:15 So we're done with introductions?
189 00:08:17 I'm not a Communist,I've never been a Communist,
190 00:08:19 but technically, yeah, I am.
191 00:08:21 JOE:Jesus Christ.
192 00:08:22 Do you get what's happening here?
193 00:08:24 Do you know that this is not funny?
194 00:08:25 Yes, I do get what's happening,and, yes, I know it's not funny.
195 00:08:28 -Lucy鈥?-My father died when I was very young.
196 00:08:30 I was raised by my mother and mygrandfather, a man named Fred C. Hunt.
197 00:08:33 I'd like everyone but Howardto leave the room.
198 00:08:35 Philip Morris pays for the show.
199 00:08:37 And they get their money's worth,so give us a minute, would you?
200 00:08:40 ROGER:(sighs) She's smoking a Chesterfield.
201 00:08:43 Could she at least smoke one ofthe seven brands Philip Morris offers?
202 00:08:46 -Got it. Got it.-(door opens)
203 00:08:48 -Thank you.-(sighs)
204 00:08:50 (Desi clears throat)
205 00:08:53 (door closes)
206 00:08:54 Fred C. Hunt, my grandfather,was a member of the party.
207 00:08:57 This was in the early '30s.I was in my early 20s.
208 00:09:00 He never used the word 鈥淐ommunist.鈥?
209 00:09:02 But he cared about workers,the working man.
210 00:09:04 He raised my little brother and me,and I wanted to please him.
211 00:09:09 So I checked the box.
212 00:09:11 Back then, it wasn't considered much worsethan being a Republican.
213 00:09:14 DESI:Hmm.
214 00:09:15 -HOWARD: Have you been to a meeting?-No.
215 00:09:16 -Never?-No.
216 00:09:18 -You were at a cocktail party,later you found out that people鈥?-No.
217 00:09:21 Have you ever subscribedto a publication鈥?
218 00:09:23 My entire relationship with Communism is,20 years ago, I checked a box.
219 00:09:26 Why is this coming out now?
220 00:09:28 The committee investigated herand cleared her.
221 00:09:31 But then last week, uh, William Wheelerconvened a special session out here,
222 00:09:34 a private session, called her in again,and that's why we're sitting here.
223 00:09:41 (sighs)
224 00:09:43 (Howard exhales sharply)
225 00:09:47 And nobody's picked it up?
226 00:09:48 Nobody's picked up the story.
227 00:09:50 Not a single paper, not a singlenews network, including your own.
228 00:09:55 Maybe.
229 00:09:56 Maybe we're out of this.
230 00:09:58 We just don't know yet.
231 00:10:00 When will we?
232 00:10:02 If you tape a show Friday night,means you still have a show.
233 00:10:10 Okay.
234 00:10:20 -You and me,-(door closes)
235 00:10:22 we've been through worse than this.
236 00:10:24 (sighs) We have?
237 00:10:26 No.
238 00:10:29 That's what I thought.
239 00:10:31 (Desi clears throat)
240 00:10:33 Hey. The whole piecewas invented out of thin air?
241 00:10:36 -Huh?-Four pages, 1,500 words?
242 00:10:40 Are you being funny right now?
243 00:10:42 That is the second timesomeone's asked me that this morning.
244 00:10:44 I'm Lucille Ball.When I'm being funny, you'll know it.
245 00:10:46 -(chuckles)-They invented the whole thing?
246 00:10:49 You don't think we got bigger fish to fry?
247 00:10:51 -They invented the whole thing?-Yes, they invented the whole thing.
248 00:10:54 I was on the boat playing cards.
249 00:10:55 They invented the whole thing,and I'm angry at them.
250 00:10:57 And I'll do something about it,but right now鈥?
251 00:10:59 -Got it.-Hmm.
252 00:11:00 Priorities.
253 00:11:02 You're right.
254 00:11:03 Say that again. 鈥淒esi, you're right.鈥?
255 00:11:05 No.
256 00:11:08 Everything's gonna be fine.
257 00:11:11 Nothing's gonna happen to you.I won't allow it.
258 00:11:13 I just won't.
259 00:11:16 Hmm?
260 00:11:30 -You've never done that before.-I know.
261 00:11:32 I've seen other people do itin movies I've been in.
262 00:11:34 (Desi chuckles)
263 00:11:38 For the love of God, old man,this isn't hard.
264 00:11:41 Rusty Hamer plays Rusty Williamson The Danny Thomas Show.
265 00:11:44 He's in second grade,and they made him sign a loyalty oath
266 00:11:47 when he signed his contract,which I think is ugly.
267 00:11:49 I don't know why this is tripping you up.It wasn't confusing.
268 00:11:52 There's no such thing asThe Danny Thomas Show.
269 00:11:54 It's called Make Room for Daddy.Don't tell me comedy.
270 00:11:57 And if Little Rusty is a Communist,
271 00:11:59 then I'm gonna beat the shitout of a seven-year-old kid.
272 00:12:01 -I have no problem with that.-I'm done.
273 00:12:03 That, right there,
274 00:12:05 was funnier than anythingyou've written so far this year.
275 00:12:07 (chuckles)
276 00:12:09 That's not鈥?
277 00:12:10 -I've written plenty of funny鈥?-No.
278 00:12:12 (doors opening)
279 00:12:16 鈾?鈾?
280 00:12:22 Good morning!
281 00:12:25 Mm. Don Glass is directing this week?
282 00:12:29 -We'll be fine.-(sighs)
283 00:12:31 You're wondering what's going on.
284 00:12:32 No matter what's going on,we all support you a thousand percent.
285 00:12:35 I'd like to find out what's going onbefore I make that commitment.
286 00:12:38 A long time ago, Lucy accidentally checkedthe wrong box on her voter registration.
287 00:12:42 That's the first actof a new episode right there.
288 00:12:44 -Yeah, 鈥淟ucy Gets Blacklisted.鈥?-That's not a joke, Bob.
289 00:12:47 You made the joke.I just put the button鈥?
290 00:12:49 Last week, she testifiedin a closed session.
291 00:12:51 -She was cleared.-Okay.
292 00:12:52 Yeah? She was cleared.
293 00:12:54 So I don't know where Winchellgot his information, but it was wrong.
294 00:12:56 As you can see, it was not picked upby any newspaper.
295 00:12:59 So let's do our show.
296 00:13:00 Jess, it's your stage.
297 00:13:02 (clears throat)
298 00:13:03 I Love Lucy , episode 204.
299 00:13:05 Season two, episode four.
300 00:13:07 鈥淓thel and Fred Fight.鈥?
301 00:13:09 Teleplay by Bob Carroll,Madelyn Pugh and myself.
302 00:13:12 Took three of you to write this one?
303 00:13:13 Okay, come on. And directing this week,Donald Glass is back with us.
304 00:13:16 -Let's give him a hand. -(applause)-Hey, thanks. It's good to be back.
305 00:13:22 JESS: Act one, 鈥淚nterior,the Ricardo's living room, night.鈥?
306 00:13:25 Excuse me. Donald.
307 00:13:27 -Y-Yes?-Good morning. I'm Lucille Ball.
308 00:13:29 I sure know that, Lucy.
309 00:13:30 I wanted to make surebecause you haven't been here in a while.
310 00:13:33 Is it because you've beengoing through puberty?
311 00:13:35 I look young, yes,but I went through it a long time ago,
312 00:13:38 and I haven't been here becauseI've been directing at Danny Thomas.
313 00:13:41 WILLIAM:With the Communist kid?
314 00:13:42 -Fuck off.-Jesus Christ.
315 00:13:44 LUCILLE:You don't have to fuck off,
316 00:13:45 but you do need to know that Dannydoes jokes鈥?few people do it better.
317 00:13:49 I do physical comedy.
318 00:13:51 -I've seen every episode of the show.-So have 60 million other people.
319 00:13:54 Are none of themprofessional television directors?
320 00:13:56 DESI:(chuckles) She's kidding.
321 00:13:57 -I can tell.-Ah.
322 00:13:58 LUCILLE:I'm hazing you a little, Donald.
323 00:14:01 It's just my way of sayingI have no confidence in you at all.
324 00:14:03 (laughs) All right, all right, all right.
325 00:14:05 We haven't gotten offto a great start this morning, I think.
326 00:14:08 And I have no idea what the fuckyou were talking about, Bill.
327 00:14:10 Ah, Des, I'm begging you, don't ask.
328 00:14:12 All right, no problem.
329 00:14:14 I just wanted to say that this showis made by Desilu Productions,
330 00:14:17 whose presidentis speaking to you right now.
331 00:14:20 And for the next 30 minutes, I don't wantto hear a word that is not in this script.
332 00:14:24 -It's your stage.-JESS: Thank you.
333 00:14:26 鈥淟ucy's putting the finishing toucheson a fancy dinner table鈥?
334 00:14:29 good china, silver, et cetera.鈥?
335 00:14:31 Uh, the table is set for fourbut there are only three chairs.
336 00:14:34 -I-I should've put that in the,in the stage direction. -JESS: Okay.
337 00:14:36 Well, technically, it's two chairsand a piano bench.
338 00:14:38 For a total of?
339 00:14:39 Three chairs.
340 00:14:41 JESS: 鈥淟ucy's putting the finishingtouches on a fancy dinner table鈥?
341 00:14:43 good china, silver, et cetera.鈥?
342 00:14:44 Table's set for fourbut there's only three chairs.
343 00:14:47 鈥淎fter a moment,
344 00:14:49 鈥渢he door opens and Ricky enters.
345 00:14:50 鈥淟ucy doesn't hear him.
346 00:14:52 鈥淩icky tiptoes in back of her.
347 00:14:53 -Ricky puts his鈥︹€?-Why not?
348 00:14:56 Sorry?
349 00:14:59 Why doesn't Lucy hear him?
350 00:15:00 Well, he's about to do that thingwhere you cover someone's eyes
351 00:15:01 and you say, 鈥淕uess who.鈥?
352 00:15:02 I understand it's a setup.
353 00:15:04 I understand
354 00:15:05 why we need Lucy to not hear him.
355 00:15:06 I just don't understand why, in anapartment this size, Lucy doesn't hear鈥?
356 00:15:11 or, for that matter, see鈥?the front dooropen when she's standing 12 feet from it.
357 00:15:18 We'll work on that.
358 00:15:19 Thanks.
359 00:15:21 鈥淩icky tiptoes in back of herand reaches around
360 00:15:22 and covers her eyes with his hands.鈥?
361 00:15:24 RICKY:Guess who it is.
362 00:15:25 LUCY:Bill? Pat?
363 00:15:27 -Sam?-No.
364 00:15:29 -Ralph?-JESS: 鈥淩icky reacts to this.鈥?
365 00:15:31 No, it's me.
366 00:15:33 Oh, yes, of course.
367 00:15:35 Oh, hang on.
368 00:15:37 Are we supposed to believethat Ricky believes that Lucy
369 00:15:40 -really doesn't know it's him?-Want to do this now?
370 00:15:42 That Ricky believes that Lucy isnot only unfamiliar with his voice鈥?
371 00:15:45 which, let's not forget,has a Cuban accent鈥?
372 00:15:48 but that he really believesthere are at least seven other men
373 00:15:50 who routinely walk into their apartment?
374 00:15:53 DESI (chuckles):She has a pretty good point.
375 00:15:55 -She has four or five pretty good points.-JESS: All right.
376 00:15:58 W-We'll write a better jokeor Ricky will know that Lucy's joking.
377 00:16:00 -Ah.-BOB: We can change the names.
378 00:16:01 -Pedro, Pablo, Jose.-What?
379 00:16:04 Because they're Spanish names.
380 00:16:05 I mean Latin names.
381 00:16:07 They're Cuban names.
382 00:16:08 (sighs) Thanks forclearing that up, professor.
383 00:16:10 -I'm just, you know鈥?-JESS: Okay, 鈥淩icky takes his hands away
384 00:16:12 and turns her around.鈥?
385 00:16:13 -No, it's me.-Oh, yes, of course.
386 00:16:16 -Uh, uh鈥?-JESS: 鈥淪he snaps her fingers
387 00:16:17 -and pretends she can't rememberhis name.鈥?-(fingers snapping)
388 00:16:20 -Very funny.-鈥淩icky kisses her
389 00:16:22 and then notices the table setup.鈥?
390 00:16:23 Hey, company for dinner?
391 00:16:24 -Uh-huh.-Who is it?
392 00:16:26 JESS:鈥淟ucy elaborately ignores him.鈥?
393 00:16:27 LUCY: How do you likethe new water glasses, Ricky?
394 00:16:30 RICKY:Who's coming for dinner, Lucy?
395 00:16:31 Doesn't the table look beautiful tonight?
396 00:16:33 Lucy, who is it?
397 00:16:35 Some people.
398 00:16:36 (audience laughter)
399 00:16:38 RICKY (annoyed):Lucy鈥?
400 00:16:40 Whom is coming here for dinner tonight?
401 00:16:44 Whom? You mean besides 鈥渕eem鈥?and 鈥測oum鈥?
402 00:16:47 (laughter)
403 00:16:49 RICKY:Never mind that. What are their names?
404 00:16:50 -Fred and Ethel Mertz.-Wait a minute.
405 00:16:53 I thought you said Fred and Ethel had abig fight and they were mad at each other.
406 00:16:56 -They are.-(audience laughter)
407 00:16:58 RICKY: I thought you saidthey weren't speaking to each other.
408 00:16:59 -They aren't.-(audience laughter)
409 00:17:01 -And that he was staying at the Y.-He is.
410 00:17:03 -And that she won't let him in the house.-She won't.
411 00:17:06 Well, if they are and they aren'tand he is and she won't, how come?
412 00:17:11 Well鈥?
413 00:17:12 Lucy Esmeralda McGillicuddy Ricardo.
414 00:17:15 Oh鈥?
415 00:17:16 That's nice, but is the rhythmgetting old too early?
416 00:17:19 We'll work on that.
417 00:17:20 'Cause we want to live up to the qualityof the writing you were used to at RKO.
418 00:17:27 -That was gutsy.-That was鈥?
419 00:17:29 (chuckles) It was a joke aboutthe writing at RKO and not鈥?
420 00:17:34 Yeah?
421 00:17:35 Obviously not an insult aimed at Lucy.
422 00:17:37 鈾?鈾?
423 00:17:39 Looking back, it may have beenan insult aimed at Lucy.
424 00:17:42 Which was very unusual.
425 00:17:44 Lucy and I were close.
426 00:17:48 -(laughs)-JESS: Okay, let's take it from鈥?
427 00:17:49 OLDER MADELYN:Look, she was always tough on the writing,
428 00:17:51 she pressed down hard on each beat,
429 00:17:53 but that week鈥?
430 00:17:55 it was like her life depended onwhether a joke was a 鈥淏鈥?or 鈥淏鈥?plus.
431 00:18:00 JESS: 鈥淪he tries to make her way past himon her way to the kitchen,
432 00:18:01 but he holds out his handand blocks the way.鈥?
433 00:18:04 OLDER BOB:There was a Broadway show
434 00:18:05 called Too Many Girls.
435 00:18:07 It was terrible.
436 00:18:08 One of the stars ofToo Many Girls was Desi.
437 00:18:11 Too Many Girls.
438 00:18:14 RKO decided to makea very bad Broadway show into鈥?
439 00:18:18 and I still can't believe it鈥?an even worse movie.
440 00:18:22 They kept Desi in the cast,but the second female lead was replaced
441 00:18:25 by the queen of the 鈥淏鈥?movies,Lucille Ball.
442 00:18:28 A couple of days before shooting started,
443 00:18:30 Desi was on a soundstage working witha piano and a drum and Ann Miller.
444 00:18:34 Here's what you have to understand.
445 00:18:37 A more handsome, charming man than Desiyou've never met.
446 00:18:42 Standing off, away fromthe pack of chorus girls, is Lucy,
447 00:18:45 who was unrecognizable becauseshe was still in the middle of shooting
448 00:18:49 Dance, Girl, Dance,playing a burlesque girl
449 00:18:51 who'd just been beaten up by her pimp.
450 00:18:53 So she was鈥?unrecognizable.
451 00:18:56 That's how they met.
452 00:18:58 DESI:鈾?She could shake the maracas 鈾?
453 00:19:00 (piano and bongo drum playing鈥淪he Could Shake the Maracas鈥?
454 00:19:02 -鈾?He could play the guitar 鈾?-(women giggling)
455 00:19:05 鈾?But he lived in Havana 鈾?
456 00:19:06 鈾?And she down in Rio del Mar 鈾?
457 00:19:09 (giggling continues)
458 00:19:11 -鈾?And she shook the maracas 鈾?-(rhythmic shaking)
459 00:19:15 鈾?In a Portuguese bar 鈾?
460 00:19:18 鈾?While he strummed in Havana 鈾?
461 00:19:20 鈾?The distance between them was far 鈾?
462 00:19:25 鈾?But by and by 鈾?
463 00:19:29 鈾?He got a job with a band in Harlem 鈾?
464 00:19:32 鈾?She got a job with a band in Harlem 鈾?
465 00:19:36 鈾?Ay, ay, ay 鈾?
466 00:19:39 (rhythmic tapping)
467 00:19:45 鈾?He said, 鈥淚'm the attraction鈥?鈾?
468 00:19:48 鈾?She said, 鈥淚 am the star鈥?鈾?
469 00:19:52 鈾?But they finally married 鈾?
470 00:19:54 鈾?And now see how happy they are 鈾?(chuckles)
471 00:19:58 鈾?So shake your maracas 鈾?
472 00:20:01 鈾?And play your guitar. 鈾?
473 00:20:04 -(cheering, laughing)-(song ends)
474 00:20:06 Thank you.
475 00:20:07 -Mr. Arnaz?-Yes.
476 00:20:09 I'm Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y de Acha III,but just my mother calls me that.
477 00:20:13 -Desi. Desi.-I'm Angie.
478 00:20:14 I'm in the chorus and I wanted to sayI'm looking forward to working with you.
479 00:20:17 -I'm looking forward, too, Angie.-(laughs)
480 00:20:19 -Patty.-Patty.
481 00:20:20 -Uh, short for Patricia?-Yes.
482 00:20:22 -DESI: Also in the chorus?-Mm-hmm. Dancing chorus.
483 00:20:25 -Oh. -LUCILLE: 鈥淒o you rememberthe first time we met?
484 00:20:31 You were rudely attentive,but now you're obnoxiously indifferent.鈥?
485 00:20:34 What?
486 00:20:36 It's a line from our movie, dumb-dumb.
487 00:20:39 Do we know each other?
488 00:20:41 (chuckles)
489 00:20:43 No.
490 00:20:45 WOMAN:Desi?
491 00:20:47 -I'm Daisy.-(guitar playing gentle lullaby)
492 00:20:49 DESI:鈾?A la nanita nana 鈾?
493 00:20:52 鈾?Nanita ella, nanita ella 鈾?
494 00:20:57 鈾?Mi ni帽a tiene sue帽o 鈾?
495 00:20:59 鈾?Bendito sea, bendito sea 鈾?
496 00:21:03 鈾?Calla mientras la cuna se balancea 鈾?
497 00:21:10 鈾?A la nanita nana, nanita ella 鈾?
498 00:21:18 鈾?A la nanita nana 鈾?
499 00:21:21 鈾?Nanita ella, nanita ella 鈾?
500 00:21:25 鈾?Mi ni帽a tiene sue帽o 鈾?
501 00:21:27 鈾?Bendito sea, bendito sea 鈾?
502 00:21:32 -鈾?Mi鈥?鈾?-(music stops)
503 00:21:34 鈥淒o you remember the first time we met?鈥?
504 00:21:37 If we'd met, I'd remember.
505 00:21:40 鈥淵ou were rudely attentive,but now you're obnoxiously鈥︹€?
506 00:21:42 Wait.
507 00:21:44 -That was you?-鈥濃€ndifferent.鈥?
508 00:21:46 That was me, yeah.
509 00:21:48 -This studio has talented makeup artists.-鈥淚'm Angie.
510 00:21:50 鈥淚'm in the chorus.
511 00:21:51 I just want to say, when I drink,I take off my clothes.鈥?
512 00:21:54 -(laughs)-I'm so curious, I have to ask.
513 00:21:56 How did you knowPatty was short for Patricia?
514 00:21:59 -My name is Desiderio Alberto Arnaz鈥?-Ah.
515 00:22:01 I don't have that kind of time.
516 00:22:05 And you're Lucille Ball.
517 00:22:08 Use a line on meyou've never road-tested on anyone.
518 00:22:10 I dare you.
519 00:22:13 (strumming guitar)
520 00:22:16 Would you like to learn how to rumba?
521 00:22:19 All right. Nice.
522 00:22:21 And, yes, I would.
523 00:22:23 -Ah. -But there's absolutely no chanceyou haven't used that before.
524 00:22:26 (band playing 鈥淩umba Internacional鈥?
525 00:22:28 -(lively chatter, laughter)-(music continues)
526 00:22:49 Mm-hmm.
527 00:22:54 -(laughs) -I want you to knowI'm not trying to be forward.
528 00:22:57 I'm showing you thisbecause it'll come in handy
529 00:22:59 for your rumba number in the movie.
530 00:23:01 I don't have a rumba number in the movie.
531 00:23:04 -No rumba?-No.
532 00:23:06 Oh, that's a signof a poorly written screenplay.
533 00:23:09 (chuckles)
534 00:23:11 Well, we should dance to something else.
535 00:23:13 Sure.
536 00:23:15 (band playing slow jazz music)
537 00:23:22 Why did you come to Hollywood?
538 00:23:27 I got kicked out of New York.
539 00:23:29 -Seriously.-I mean it.
540 00:23:32 I got kicked out of acting schoolfor not being good enough.
541 00:23:36 -Get out of here.-I will not.
542 00:23:41 I got some modeling work,I was hired and fired as a Ziegfeld Girl
543 00:23:46 but hired as a Goldwyn Girl,and that's what took me out here.
544 00:23:50 Hmm.
545 00:23:52 Why did you come to Hollywood?
546 00:23:53 The Bolsheviks burned my house down.
547 00:23:58 -So a different reason.-Mm, yeah.
548 00:24:03 -鈾?Lucille 鈾?-(playing gentle music)
549 00:24:06 鈾?There's not muchthat rhymes with 鈥淟ucille鈥?鈾?
550 00:24:10 鈾?Mm鈥?鈾?
551 00:24:12 鈾?Bastille 鈾?
552 00:24:14 鈾?But who'd write a song about that? 鈾?
553 00:24:19 (footsteps approaching)
554 00:24:22 (plays gentle guitar riff)
555 00:24:26 I borrowed part of your tuxedo.
556 00:24:36 (Desi clears throat)
557 00:24:37 It comes with pants,but, uh, I'm wearing them.
558 00:24:40 Not for long, pal.
559 00:24:45 So鈥?
560 00:24:47 Yes?
561 00:24:48 Can I call you Lucy?
562 00:24:50 I think we shouldkeep this professional, don't you?
563 00:24:54 -I was kidding.-So was I.
564 00:24:56 Mm. Nice dry delivery.
565 00:24:58 Uh, what's your, mm鈥?
566 00:25:02 ambition?
567 00:25:03 My ambition? For tonight?
568 00:25:05 I wasn't making myself clear?
569 00:25:06 No, I don't mean ambition.
570 00:25:09 Ay, what do I mean?
571 00:25:10 Uh鈥?
572 00:25:12 -Goals?-No.
573 00:25:14 Mm鈥?future.
574 00:25:16 -Dreams.-What are my future dreams?
575 00:25:18 I should've stuck with ambition.
576 00:25:20 Are you interviewing me?
577 00:25:21 Yes.
578 00:25:22 Okay.
579 00:25:24 I live in a small house.
580 00:25:26 And your ambition isto live in a bigger house.
581 00:25:27 My ambition is to live in a home.
582 00:25:29 Like for old folks?
583 00:25:31 Not a home, not an institution.
584 00:25:34 -A home.-Ah.
585 00:25:36 With a family and dinnertime.
586 00:25:38 Can I ask an impertinent question?
587 00:25:41 You gonna ask me why I'm not married?
588 00:25:43 No, I was going to ask youwhy you're not a movie star.
589 00:25:46 Why are you playing the second female leadin Too Many Girls?
590 00:25:50 I'm a contract player at RKO.
591 00:25:52 I play the roles I'm told to play.
592 00:25:54 My career's gone as far as it's gonna go.
593 00:25:56 It's hit cruising altitude.
594 00:25:58 I'm at peace with that.
595 00:26:00 So I'd like to be at peace.
596 00:26:04 I want a home.
597 00:26:05 You have a lot more talent than the rolesyou play have allowed you to exhibit.
598 00:26:09 Now, how would you know I have talent?
599 00:26:11 Because I have talent.
600 00:26:13 You could be a serious actor.You should be a star by now.
601 00:26:17 -But鈥?-But what?
602 00:26:19 There is also something aboutyour physicality. You are, you are鈥?
603 00:26:22 Half naked?
604 00:26:23 Uh, sure.
605 00:26:25 -But鈥?-But?
606 00:26:28 You, uh鈥?There isn't an English word.
607 00:26:32 T煤 est谩s鈥?dotada cineticamente.
608 00:26:35 What does that mean?
609 00:26:37 It means you're kinetically gifted.
610 00:26:42 No one's noticed that?
611 00:26:44 鈾?鈾?
612 00:26:52 (panting)
613 00:27:07 鈾?鈾?
614 00:27:19 Hi. Sorry.
615 00:27:21 I need to use the phone to call my fianc茅.
616 00:27:23 Sure.
617 00:27:25 Wait, what?
618 00:27:27 It'll just take a second.
619 00:27:29 Your fianc茅?
620 00:27:31 Outside line please.
621 00:27:33 -I mean, not that I haven't鈥?-(dialing)
622 00:27:36 It's just that I got the sense that we鈥?
623 00:27:39 -One sec.-Yeah.
624 00:27:40 (dialing)
625 00:27:41 Last night, I felt it was鈥?
626 00:27:44 It's me. Hey.
627 00:27:46 You don't love me, and I don't love you,
628 00:27:48 and you cheat on meevery chance you can get,
629 00:27:49 and I pretend I'm stupid,so I'm moving out.
630 00:27:52 I'll send someoneto pick up my clothes, okay?
631 00:27:55 Love you. But, you know, not really.
632 00:28:00 I interrupted you. What were you saying?
633 00:28:03 (laughs)
634 00:28:05 JESS:And we fade to black. End of show.
635 00:28:08 Thank you.
636 00:28:09 Notes upstairs.
637 00:28:11 -ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Back onstagein an hour. -(soundstage bell rings)
638 00:28:14 -All right.-All right.
639 00:28:15 -We'll see ya.-Yeah.
640 00:28:16 -Okay, honey. See you in a bit.-Mm-hmm.
641 00:28:18 (indistinct chatter)
642 00:28:24 -(door closes)-(chatter quiets)
643 00:28:34 (footsteps receding)
644 00:28:37 (Desi exhales heavily)
645 00:28:42 It's madness.
646 00:28:43 Yeah?
647 00:28:45 I thought you'd be the first oneto refuse to work with her.
648 00:28:47 You mean that?
649 00:28:49 Mm.
650 00:28:51 You're not fond of Communists.
651 00:28:55 I'm less fond of the committee.
652 00:28:57 Ah.
653 00:29:00 (grunts, sighs)
654 00:29:03 鈾?鈾?
655 00:29:07 Des.
656 00:29:08 Hmm?
657 00:29:10 When the soldiers came
658 00:29:13 for your family鈥?
659 00:29:17 鈥ow scary was it?
660 00:29:22 You're giving me that look that says,鈥淚 don't get scared of nothing.鈥?
661 00:29:28 Uh鈥?(sighs)
662 00:29:31 They killed all the animals.
663 00:29:33 Uh, not-not for food.
664 00:29:34 They just killed all the animals.
665 00:29:38 I still don't know why they did that.
666 00:29:40 Uh鈥?
667 00:29:46 It's six to five and pick 'em
668 00:29:49 we've already donethe last episode of this show.
669 00:29:52 This show, everyone who works here,
670 00:29:55 Desilu, Lucy's whole career鈥?mine, too鈥?
671 00:29:58 it may have ended last nightand we just don't know it yet.
672 00:30:04 Are you out of your mind?
673 00:30:06 I get plenty scared.
674 00:30:12 (footsteps receding)
675 00:30:18 Fucking madness.
676 00:30:28 鈾?鈾?
677 00:30:39 Lucy?
678 00:30:41 Come on in.
679 00:30:43 Madelyn was way out of line,and I'll talk to Jess.
680 00:30:46 -No, I don't care about that.-I care about it.
681 00:30:49 You told them I checked the wrong box.
682 00:30:51 Who?
683 00:30:53 Before the table read.You told them I checked the wrong box.
684 00:30:55 Ah. (sighs)
685 00:30:58 Uh, uh, well, it takes fewer wordsto say that than the truth.
686 00:31:02 Doesn't make me look like a simpleton
687 00:31:04 who's ill-equippedto participate in democracy?
688 00:31:06 It was simpler,and it's nobody's goddamn business.
689 00:31:09 Well, no.
690 00:31:11 Pretty obviouslyit's everybody's goddamn business.
691 00:31:13 (sighs):Ay.
692 00:31:16 (sighs)
693 00:31:18 You-you鈥?you don't have to keepchecking the papers.
694 00:31:20 I've got people who'll let me knowthe moment an editor thinks about it.
695 00:31:23 There's something wrongwith the story, they know it,
696 00:31:25 and that's whyno one's reporting on Winchell.
697 00:31:27 No. The Confidential story.
698 00:31:31 That's what's getting picked up.
699 00:31:33 鈾?鈾?
700 00:31:35 (Desi sighs)
701 00:31:39 (groans, mutters)
702 00:31:51 I like this a lot, Tommy.
703 00:31:53 -That's a great color for you.-Oh, I really like this.
704 00:31:55 And I can cinch the back a little.
705 00:31:57 -I can lower the neckline.-Oh, not on CBS you can't.
706 00:31:59 (both laugh)
707 00:32:01 But still, now we're talking.
708 00:32:03 Now we're cooking with gas.
709 00:32:04 -Should I bring out some shoes?-Oh, yes, please.
710 00:32:08 (wolf whistle)
711 00:32:10 Yeah?
712 00:32:12 That's a nice dress.
713 00:32:13 I thought so, too.
714 00:32:15 You borrowing it from wardrobefor a cocktail party?
715 00:32:18 (sighs) Dinner party.
716 00:32:19 Where?
717 00:32:20 The apartment of Ricky and Lucy Ricardo.
718 00:32:23 This is for the show?
719 00:32:24 -Lucy's invited Ethel鈥?-Oh, Viv.
720 00:32:27 I know, but listen.
721 00:32:28 I'm thinking Lucy's invited her to dinner.
722 00:32:29 She thinks she's being fixed upwith an eligible guy.
723 00:32:33 She'd want to look nice.
724 00:32:36 It's something new for the character.
725 00:32:38 LUCILLE: But the character'sstill Ethel Mertz, right?
726 00:32:41 Yeah.
727 00:32:46 Hey, don't.
728 00:32:47 鈥淒oes Desi Love Lucy Loosely?鈥?
729 00:32:50 They took time on that.
730 00:32:51 鈥淚f neighbors hear screams of ragefollowed by the sound of鈥︹€?
731 00:32:54 -Isn't there enough going on with鈥?-鈥濃€reaking crockery coming from
732 00:32:56 -the Arnaz house this month鈥︹€?-I'd be more concerned about鈥?
733 00:32:59 鈥溾€hey'll know what is happeningwithout having to investigate.
734 00:33:00 鈥淭he red-haired missushas just finished reading
735 00:33:02 -Confidential's report on鈥︹€?-In your life, have you ever
736 00:33:03 taken this stuff seriously?
737 00:33:05 I take my marriage seriously.
738 00:33:08 And Desi said?
739 00:33:09 鈥淟ucy, I ain't been with no girlssince the moment I saw you.鈥?
740 00:33:13 -Then believe him.-I do believe him.
741 00:33:15 It's an old picture.We were there together.
742 00:33:16 He was playing cardson the boat Wednesday.
743 00:33:18 You'd be more concerned about what?
744 00:33:20 -What? -You saidyou'd 鈥渂e more concerned about,鈥?
745 00:33:23 and I cut you off.
746 00:33:24 The Winchell broadcast?
747 00:33:25 Yeah.
748 00:33:27 I don't get to choose just one.
749 00:33:29 I'm concerned with both,the first thing, second thing.
750 00:33:31 Understood. What about the third?
751 00:33:33 What'd they say?
752 00:33:35 We didn't think yesterday was the best dayto tell them about the third thing.
753 00:33:38 -Right.-We're doing it now.
754 00:33:40 First Jess, then the network,then Philip Morris.
755 00:33:46 Could be worse.
756 00:33:48 How?
757 00:33:49 You could be playing Ethel.
758 00:33:51 Got it.
759 00:33:53 鈾?鈾?
760 00:34:00 (phone ringing in distance)
761 00:34:06 Is Lucy on the phone too long at the top?
762 00:34:08 We only hear one side of the call.Are we staying too long at the fair?
763 00:34:13 You don't need to write downeverything we say in here.
764 00:34:19 We'll know when it's on its feet.
765 00:34:21 -(knocking)-DESI: Good morning.
766 00:34:22 Morning, guys.
767 00:34:24 Hey.
768 00:34:25 Mary Pat, would you mindgiving us the room for a moment please?
769 00:34:28 -Of course, Mr. Arnaz.-Thank you.
770 00:34:36 -鈥淥f course, Mr. Arnaz.鈥?-She's nice.
771 00:34:39 You're in enough trouble.
772 00:34:40 LUCILLE:You're not in trouble.
773 00:34:41 We need to talk.
774 00:34:43 -No, don't tell me鈥?-No, no, no, no. No, we're鈥?
775 00:34:45 No, no, we're still okay.
776 00:34:46 -No one's picked up the story.-JESS: All right.
777 00:34:47 (chuckles): Looking at Lucy's face,I thought for sure鈥?
778 00:34:48 I'm pregnant.
779 00:34:51 (chuckles softly)
780 00:34:54 That's not at all what I was gonna say.
781 00:34:56 That's what we came to talk about.
782 00:34:58 We were gonna have this conversationyesterday, but other things were鈥?
783 00:35:01 -Yeah, yeah, sure.-Well, this is a one-two punch.
784 00:35:04 It's not a punch. I'm having a baby.
785 00:35:07 What do we do now?
786 00:35:12 I know it seems likeno one said congratulations,
787 00:35:15 -but that cannot be, as these arethree of鈥?-JESS: No, no, no, no.
788 00:35:16 -鈥ur closest friends and colleagues.-You're right. You're right. Sorry.
789 00:35:18 -Oh, it's wonderful news.-Yeah, hey, congratulations.
790 00:35:20 -Yes! Congratulations.-Yeah, that's great.
791 00:35:21 -Thank you.-Another baby.
792 00:35:22 -Gracias.-Yeah, mazel tov.
793 00:35:24 -Gracias. Gracias. -Really, really.-Congratulations, Des.
794 00:35:25 -Very happy. Very happy.-Yeah.
795 00:35:27 -Very exciting. Yeah.-So, uh鈥?
796 00:35:29 -(clears throat)-LUCILLE: Yeah.
797 00:35:31 With Lucie,I was the size of a phone booth, so鈥?
798 00:35:33 JESS (chuckles):Yeah.
799 00:35:34 You've got about seven weeksbefore you have to start
800 00:35:36 hiding me behind boxes and chairs,
801 00:35:39 and then another seven weeks after thatbefore I won't fit in the frame.
802 00:35:43 -What do you want to do?-Do?
803 00:35:44 Whatever there was to do, we've done it.
804 00:35:46 -Where does that leave us?-Without a choice.
805 00:35:49 Lucy Ricardo is gonna have a babyon television.
806 00:35:53 -No, no, Des.-How many scripts in the bank?
807 00:35:54 We're-we're five ahead of production.
808 00:35:56 We're shooting fourand we're writing nine.
809 00:35:57 Four. No harm done.
810 00:35:59 But whatever script you're working on now,
811 00:36:02 -episode nine, scratch it.-(chuckles): Okay.
812 00:36:04 Episode鈥?no, episode nine is now鈥淟ucy Tells Ricky She's Pregnant,鈥?
813 00:36:07 and we work from there.What's that one?
814 00:36:10 -JESS: Which one?-LUCILLE: 鈥淟ucy Goes to Italy.鈥?
815 00:36:12 We want to send the four of you to Italy.
816 00:36:14 -Why? -MADELYN: We thinkit'd be nice to get off our set.
817 00:36:16 No, why do the Ricardosand Mertzes go to Italy?
818 00:36:19 -JESS: A vacation.-DESI: They don't vacation in Europe.
819 00:36:21 They go to the Grand Canyon.
820 00:36:23 -They go to Niagara Falls.-Work.
821 00:36:25 -Ricky's got a gig at a club in Rome.-And what does Lucy do?
822 00:36:27 She stomps grapes.
823 00:36:30 Lucy and Ethel go to an Italian vineyard.
824 00:36:32 -DESI: Why?-We don't know yet.
825 00:36:34 And she stomps grapes.
826 00:36:35 DESI: This vineyard is locatedin the 19th century?
827 00:36:38 -JESS: They don't stomp grapes anymore?-(chuckles): No.
828 00:36:40 MADELYN: Okay, so we find the onevineyard where they still stomp grapes.
829 00:36:43 -(knocking)-LUCY: Come in.
830 00:36:45 -S矛, signora. You sent for me?-Yes.
831 00:36:47 Are there any grape vineyards around here?
832 00:36:50 I'd like to know how they make the wine,
833 00:36:51 how they pick the grapes, how they pressthe juice out with their feet.
834 00:36:54 BELLMAN:There is one little town called Turo
835 00:36:56 -where they still make the wine that way.-MADELYN: Easy.
836 00:36:59 DESI:Why does she want to go to a vineyard?
837 00:37:01 We don't know yet.
838 00:37:03 She has an audition for an Italian movie.
839 00:37:05 MADELYN: What does that have to dowith stomping grapes?
840 00:37:06 BOB:The part.
841 00:37:08 VITTORIO:She happens to be just the type I need.
842 00:37:10 The role of a beautiful Italian redhead
843 00:37:12 who, uh鈥?como si dice鈥?uh, steps on grapes.
844 00:37:15 (audience laughter)
845 00:37:18 JESS:We'll get there. The point is
846 00:37:19 (chuckles):Lucy in a vat of grapes for five minutes.
847 00:37:21 I can see it.
848 00:37:24 (speaks Italian)
849 00:37:27 (audience laughter)
850 00:37:34 (audience laughter)
851 00:37:37 (footsteps squishing)
852 00:37:39 (audience laughter continues)
853 00:37:46 What can happen in the vat of grapes?What can she do?
854 00:37:50 -(audience whispering)-(man in audience clears throat)
855 00:37:54 JESS:It doesn't matter right now.
856 00:37:56 We need to get back to鈥?Des, the network isn't gonna allow it
857 00:37:59 and neither will Philip Morris. Lucy鈥?
858 00:38:01 Just hang on.
859 00:38:02 (audience whispering)
860 00:38:08 -She loses an earring.-BOB: Yes.
861 00:38:09 -MADELYN: There it is.-What are you talking about?
862 00:38:11 In the grapes.
863 00:38:12 (audience laughter)
864 00:38:17 (audience laughter continues)
865 00:38:25 (laughter grows)
866 00:38:32 Push it to next year.
867 00:38:34 They're not going to Italywhile she's pregnant.
868 00:38:36 I'll bet you my next paycheckagainst your next paycheck
869 00:38:38 that CBS won't even allow usto use the word 鈥減regnant.鈥?
870 00:38:40 -鈥淟ucy Tells the Truth.鈥?-BOB: That one's Madelyn's idea.
871 00:38:43 -She got it just seconds afterI pitched it. -Folks鈥?
872 00:38:46 MADELYN: Ricky bets Lucythat she can't go two days without lying,
873 00:38:49 and we put her in situationswhere it's hard not to lie.
874 00:38:51 LUCY:Okay, it's started.
875 00:38:53 For the next 48 hours.
876 00:38:54 -Okay.-All right.
877 00:38:56 ETHEL: I can hardly waitto hear you tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.
878 00:38:58 LUCY:Why?
879 00:39:00 We're playing bridgeat Carolyn's, remember?
880 00:39:01 Oh, no, no, no.
881 00:39:04 I can't spend the afternoon
882 00:39:05 with three womenand have to tell the truth.
883 00:39:07 -(audience laughter)-I'll call Carolyn and tell her I'm sick.
884 00:39:12 MADELYN:After 47 hours,
885 00:39:14 -she's winning, but in the final hour鈥?-BOB: Here it is.
886 00:39:17 MADELYN: 鈥icky gets a visit fromthe IRS, and the guy wants to ask about
887 00:39:19 some questionable thingsthat Ricky's claiming on his deductions.
888 00:39:22 Lucy's sitting in the living room, too,and of course when she's asked
889 00:39:25 by the IRS agent to corroborate,she can't tell a lie, so鈥?
890 00:39:28 That's a funny premise.
891 00:39:29 Yes, it is.
892 00:39:30 But lose the IRS scene.
893 00:39:32 -Could be a good scene.-He's correct.
894 00:39:33 Once I write it, it could be good.
895 00:39:35 Ah, Ricky Ricardo loves America.
896 00:39:36 He loves being an American.
897 00:39:38 He's grateful to this country.
898 00:39:40 He'd never cheat on his taxes.
899 00:39:41 -It's very relatable. Everybody does.-I don't! Neither does Ricky.
900 00:39:44 Especially when his wife is accusedof being un-American.
901 00:39:47 Look for something else, andstart working on the first pregnancy show.
902 00:39:50 -Listen to me.-What?
903 00:39:52 They're not gonna let us do it.
904 00:39:53 -Let that be my problem.-Oh, I wish I could, Des,
905 00:39:56 but it's very much my problem, okay?
906 00:39:58 So instead of talking aboutgoddamn grapes, why don't鈥?
907 00:40:02 Look, what you got to understand is this.
908 00:40:04 -We don't know鈥?-Jess, they're free to take us off the air
909 00:40:06 for the rest of the yearwhile continuing to pay our contracts
910 00:40:09 and answering questions aboutwhy motherhood is too salacious
911 00:40:12 to put on CBS, but something tells methey're not gonna go that route.
912 00:40:16 Instead, I think Broadcast Standardsand Practices will give you
913 00:40:19 a list of insane restrictions,which might even include
914 00:40:22 you winning your bet with Desi,and which I have no doubt
915 00:40:24 the three of youwill navigate beautifully.
916 00:40:28 You told me to be nice.
917 00:40:29 Good?
918 00:40:31 Yeah.
919 00:40:33 (phone ringing in distance)
920 00:40:38 I don't care what your first thoughtsout of the gate were,
921 00:40:42 but your first words out of the gatewere no good.
922 00:40:45 And what was with you at the table read?
923 00:40:48 I'm sorry. She was jumpingon every stage direction.
924 00:40:50 It's her process.
925 00:40:52 -But that process usually happensin private. -BOB: Yes.
926 00:40:54 And following your advice,maybe every once in a while,
927 00:40:56 the first words out of her mouthcould be 鈥済ood script.鈥?
928 00:41:01 Well, is this the right weekfor this shit?
929 00:41:04 -Hey.-We do seem to be having some success, no?
930 00:41:06 We're all really tired fromworking on this week's script.
931 00:41:09 Oh, are you sleepy? You need a nap?
932 00:41:11 -Can I talk to you for a second, boss?-Sure.
933 00:41:20 I'm the executive producer of this show.
934 00:41:21 You can't manhandle me like thatin front of other people.
935 00:41:23 You just can't do it. My show.
936 00:41:25 And Madelyn was a hundred percent right.
937 00:41:27 -Ricky pays his taxes.-I get it.
938 00:41:29 And we're having the baby on the show.
939 00:41:31 There's no chance they say yes.
940 00:41:34 There's no chance they say yes to you.
941 00:41:41 Did you get all that?
942 00:41:43 Yes.
943 00:41:44 That was a joke.
944 00:41:47 DONALD:Back to right before Vivian's entrance.
945 00:41:49 鈥淲hen do we eat?鈥?
946 00:41:51 Settle. And action.
947 00:41:53 Uh, when do we eat?
948 00:41:55 I've been living onpeanut butter sandwiches.
949 00:41:58 DONALD: Bill, that line'sgot to take you over to the table.
950 00:42:00 -Hmm?-You need to cross to the table on that.
951 00:42:01 Why?
952 00:42:03 -Because we need to鈥?-LUCILLE: So you can see the table,
953 00:42:04 notice that a fourth place is setand say your next line.
954 00:42:09 Uh, someone else coming?
955 00:42:11 Well, Fred, I took the liberty of askinga young lady to be your dinner companion.
956 00:42:16 -A young lady?-A cute young chick.
957 00:42:18 -Oh, boy, bring her on.-Uh-uh.
958 00:42:21 -Hang on.-What?
959 00:42:22 LUCILLE:When I say, 鈥淚 took the liberty of asking
960 00:42:25 -a young lady to beyour dinner companion鈥︹€?-Mm-hmm.
961 00:42:26 鈥icky should take a sip from a glass ofwater on the table to keep from laughing.
962 00:42:30 -And then when I say,鈥淎 cute young chick鈥︹€?-Uh-huh.
963 00:42:32 鈥e should choke on his water a little.
964 00:42:33 -I like that.-I like it, too.
965 00:42:35 The very idea that Ethel'sa cute young chick should make Desi choke.
966 00:42:41 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:That's 15.
967 00:42:42 -Okay.-That's 15 minutes!
968 00:42:45 (indistinct chatter)
969 00:42:46 I'll be funny by Friday.
970 00:42:47 And when can we expect you to be funny?
971 00:43:04 -(door closes)-鈥淓xactly what makes a husband leave home
972 00:43:07 -is something that has been baffling wivessince Adam and Eve.鈥?-Enough.
973 00:43:11 鈥淔or an outstanding example, let's takeone of the nation's most famous husbands.鈥?
974 00:43:14 -You've memorized it?-I've memorized worse writing than this.
975 00:43:17 -Yes, it's a tabloid.-鈥淲ith a curvy, red-haired tidbit
976 00:43:19 like Lucy waiting for him at home,would Desi be foolish enough鈥︹€?
977 00:43:24 -Stop it. -鈥濃€o prowl Hollywoodlike a bachelor wolf?
978 00:43:27 -If so, why?鈥?-It's made up.
979 00:43:30 -20 million readers want to know.-Lucy鈥?
980 00:43:32 -20 million and one.-How many times
981 00:43:34 I got to 'splain where I wasand what I was doing?
982 00:43:37 How many times you got to 'splain?
983 00:43:39 (chuckles)I can't get enough of that joke.
984 00:43:43 They document an entire night.
985 00:43:45 Someone in your gang's a rat.
986 00:43:47 My gang.
987 00:43:48 (scoffs)
988 00:43:49 The night they're talking about,I was with Red Skelton and Xavier Cugat.
989 00:43:53 -Which one of them you think squealed?-They made it up from nothing?
990 00:43:56 I heard on Winchell the other nightthat you were a Communist.
991 00:43:59 That was true, you idiot!
992 00:44:01 Yeah. That was a bad example.
993 00:44:03 And I didn't check the wrong box.
994 00:44:06 Okay, I'm sorry about that.
995 00:44:09 I believe you.
996 00:44:11 -I'm just messing around.-Good.
997 00:44:14 No. That gets you out of the woods,but it puts you into other woods.
998 00:44:18 What are the other woods?
999 00:44:19 You don't come home anymore.Did you know that?
1000 00:44:21 -You change subjects faster than鈥?-Keep up.
1001 00:44:23 It's not hard.
1002 00:44:25 I asked, 鈥淒id you knowyou don't come home anymore?鈥?
1003 00:44:28 Of course I come home.
1004 00:44:29 Sometimes I go to the boat and play cards.
1005 00:44:32 We drink, it goes late,it's easier to sleep on the boat.
1006 00:44:37 That used to be once a week, then twice.
1007 00:44:39 Now it's four or five times.
1008 00:44:44 I go home after work, you go to the boat.
1009 00:44:48 You once asked me what my ambition was.
1010 00:44:50 You remember?
1011 00:44:51 Mm-hmm.
1012 00:44:53 And you liked my answer.
1013 00:44:58 She used the word 鈥渉ome鈥?a lot.
1014 00:45:00 She talked about having a home.
1015 00:45:04 Lucy owned three houses,but sometimes, when she fell into a funk,
1016 00:45:08 she'd say鈥?she didn't have a home.
1017 00:45:11 They eloped.
1018 00:45:14 They bought a ranch in Chatsworth.
1019 00:45:15 They were deeply in loveand deliriously happy.
1020 00:45:19 What you got to understand isthey weren't very happy.
1021 00:45:23 They never saw each other.
1022 00:45:25 Desi and his orchestrawere booked at Ciro's.
1023 00:45:29 Lucy was under contract at RKO.
1024 00:45:31 Desi would be done with workaround 4:00 a.m.
1025 00:45:36 Lucy had to bein hair and makeup at 5:00 a.m.
1026 00:45:38 They'd meet at the top of Mulholland.
1027 00:45:41 (band playing 鈥淏abal煤鈥?
1028 00:45:45 鈾?Babal煤 鈾?
1029 00:45:48 -鈾?Babal煤 鈾?-(audience shouting excitedly)
1030 00:45:52 鈾?Babal煤 鈾?
1031 00:45:53 鈾?Ay茅 鈾?
1032 00:45:55 鈾?Babal煤 ay茅 鈾?
1033 00:45:58 -(women laughing)-(lively music continues)
1034 00:46:07 (horns stop, drumming continues)
1035 00:46:09 鈾?Ol茅, ol茅, ol茅, ol茅 鈾?
1036 00:46:11 -鈾?Ol 茅 , ol 茅 , ol 茅 , ol茅 鈾?-鈾?Ol茅, ol茅, ol茅, ol茅 鈾?
1037 00:46:14 鈾?Ol茅, ol茅, ol茅, ol茅 鈾?
1038 00:46:16 -鈾?Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 鈾?-鈾?Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 鈾?
1039 00:46:19 -鈾?Arriba con la conga 鈾?-鈾?Arriba con la conga. 鈾?
1040 00:46:23 (drumming intensifies)
1041 00:46:25 (audience cheering)
1042 00:46:27 (horns join in, music builds)
1043 00:46:35 -(song ends)-(audience cheering)
1044 00:46:39 (lively chatter, laughter)
1045 00:46:40 -What do we have here?-WOMAN: Yeah, Desi!
1046 00:46:42 A lot of choices.
1047 00:46:44 There's only one choice for me,and she's got a powerful right hook.
1048 00:46:46 My friend and I saw the midnight showand the 2:00 a.m.
1049 00:46:50 (chuckles)
1050 00:46:51 Thank you.
1051 00:46:53 WOMAN:Aw.
1052 00:46:55 鈾?鈾?
1053 00:46:57 (birds chirping)
1054 00:47:18 I did the calculation.
1055 00:47:20 In the course of one week,
1056 00:47:21 I see you 1/20th as muchas your second trombone player.
1057 00:47:25 Well, learn to play the trombone,and I'll give you his job.
1058 00:47:28 Well, how hard is the trombone?
1059 00:47:33 Ay, maybe it'd be betterif we didn't spend the little time we have
1060 00:47:36 arguing about why we don't have more time.
1061 00:47:39 Don't make me feel like a bitchbecause I want to see my husband.
1062 00:47:43 -Hey.-(sighs)
1063 00:47:45 I-I could stay homeand be kept by my wife.
1064 00:47:50 I mean, that'd really complete the pictureAmericans have of Cuban men.
1065 00:47:53 What home are you talking about?
1066 00:47:56 Or you could quit the film businessand just be my wife.
1067 00:47:59 But you ain't gonna do that, right?
1068 00:48:01 No.
1069 00:48:03 How about you come to the club moreto watch the show?
1070 00:48:08 I had a picture open five days ago.
1071 00:48:09 You really want meto come down to the club?
1072 00:48:12 Why not?
1073 00:48:15 Okay.
1074 00:48:17 (band playing 鈥淐uban Pete鈥?
1075 00:48:19 鈾?They call me Cuban Pete 鈾?
1076 00:48:22 鈾?I'm the king of the rumba beat 鈾?
1077 00:48:25 鈾?When I play the maracas, I go 鈾?
1078 00:48:26 鈾?Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom 鈾?
1079 00:48:29 鈾?Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete 鈾?
1080 00:48:31 鈾?I'm the craze of my native street 鈾?
1081 00:48:33 鈾?When I start to dance, everything goes 鈾?
1082 00:48:35 鈾?Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom 鈾?
1083 00:48:38 -鈾?The se帽oritas, they sing 鈾?-(women chattering excitedly)
1084 00:48:41 鈾?And how they swing with this rumbero 鈾?
1085 00:48:43 鈾?It's very nice 鈾?
1086 00:48:45 鈾?So full of spice 鈾?
1087 00:48:47 (laughs)
1088 00:48:48 鈾?And when they're dancing 鈾?
1089 00:48:50 鈾?They bring a happy ring, the maraquero 鈾?
1090 00:48:52 鈾?Singing a song 鈾?
1091 00:48:54 -鈾?All the day long. 鈾?-(song ends)
1092 00:48:56 Ah! What do we have here?
1093 00:48:59 -(cheering)-MAN: Lucy!
1094 00:49:01 (excited chatter)
1095 00:49:03 鈾?鈾?
1096 00:49:06 MAN:This way, Miss Ball! Hollywood Citizen!
1097 00:49:07 WOMAN:We love you in the movie!
1098 00:49:09 -Thank you.-Wasn't the show fun?
1099 00:49:16 -(knocking)-VIVIAN: Come on in.
1100 00:49:20 Good morning.
1101 00:49:21 Hey, Maddie.
1102 00:49:23 (sighs) Some week, huh?
1103 00:49:25 Lucille Ball's a threatto the American way of life?
1104 00:49:27 She's a threat to writers,camera operators and Desi,
1105 00:49:29 but it really stops there.
1106 00:49:30 Have you ever had a week like this?
1107 00:49:32 No, but we work in Hollywood,and something tells me
1108 00:49:35 we're all gonna have weeks like thisbefore that committee's done.
1109 00:49:37 (chuckles softly)
1110 00:49:39 -Look what you can still do.-Still?
1111 00:49:41 (chuckles):I regretted it even before I said it.
1112 00:49:43 I can't do that, and I'm just impressed.
1113 00:49:46 What's in your hands?
1114 00:49:47 I got you some breakfastfrom the commissary.
1115 00:49:49 They told me you didn't have any, but鈥?
1116 00:49:50 I did. I had a cup of coffeeand half a grapefruit.
1117 00:49:53 Well, I have French toast,bacon, eggs and potatoes.
1118 00:49:56 -Enjoy it.-It's for you.
1119 00:49:58 That was very sweet, but, no, thank you.
1120 00:50:02 Is it just meor have you lost a little weight?
1121 00:50:04 I have.
1122 00:50:06 Well, you look great.
1123 00:50:08 Thank you.
1124 00:50:14 -I'll see you onstage.-Mm-hmm.
1125 00:50:16 -Madelyn.-Yeah?
1126 00:50:19 Who told youthat I didn't have any breakfast?
1127 00:50:24 (sighs) I don't know.
1128 00:50:26 I think鈥?
1129 00:50:29 It was Tino.
1130 00:50:31 The tall waiter.
1131 00:50:32 (whispers):Okay.
1132 00:50:34 (softly):Yeah.
1133 00:50:38 (sighs):Jesus Christ.
1134 00:50:41 Day three and still no pickupon the Winchell story.
1135 00:50:43 -Fellas, I think we're out of this.-(chuckles): Might be.
1136 00:50:45 -Might be.-Howard?
1137 00:50:47 There's another shoe, and none of usare getting out of this alive.
1138 00:50:50 JOE:Howard.
1139 00:50:51 They're uncovering something new,
1140 00:50:52 they're chasing the original testimony,something,
1141 00:50:56 but there's another shoe.
1142 00:50:57 There's nothing more to uncover.There are no more shoes.
1143 00:50:59 -Lucy's pregnant.-Well, that.
1144 00:51:06 What?
1145 00:51:07 Lucy's pregnant.
1146 00:51:08 With a baby?
1147 00:51:09 Mm-hmm.
1148 00:51:11 ROGER:How鈥?
1149 00:51:12 I'm鈥?(clears throat)not sure what words to use.
1150 00:51:15 How much pregnant are you?
1151 00:51:18 Why did you thinkyou didn't know what words to use?
1152 00:51:20 He means how far,as a percentage of nine months鈥?
1153 00:51:23 where are youon-on the timeline of-of the鈥?
1154 00:51:24 Someone should pointa goddamn camera at this.
1155 00:51:26 DESI:She's 12 weeks pregnant.
1156 00:51:27 So that means, uh鈥?
1157 00:51:29 12 weeks ago, I fucked my husband.
1158 00:51:31 -Whoa, whoa, whoa! -No, no, no.-(overlapping chatter)
1159 00:51:32 (laughing)
1160 00:51:34 DESI:She'll start showing in about
1161 00:51:36 six weeks, and a month after that,(sighs) there won't be any hiding it.
1162 00:51:40 This isn't a problem.
1163 00:51:42 -It's not.-This has happened before.
1164 00:51:43 I won't say names,but it's been dealt with.
1165 00:51:46 Is he talking about having me killed?
1166 00:51:49 No, you carry a basket of laundry,
1167 00:51:51 stand behind chairs,you sit with a pillow on your lap.
1168 00:51:54 Those are great ideas,especially having Lucy
1169 00:51:55 carry a basket of laundry in every scene.
1170 00:51:57 Or stand behind chairs.
1171 00:51:58 Where in the Ricardo's living roomare the giant chairs you're talking about?
1172 00:52:01 Lucy and Ricky redecorate, huh?
1173 00:52:04 The writers can get some fun out of this.
1174 00:52:05 Maybe they get some large ficus trees.
1175 00:52:08 They'd have to be California redwoods,
1176 00:52:09 and I'd have to stand behind themanytime I wasn't doing the wash.
1177 00:52:11 Well, what do you propose?
1178 00:52:13 That the Ricardos have a baby.
1179 00:52:14 (laughter)
1180 00:52:17 What do you mean?
1181 00:52:18 I told you it was gonna be like this.
1182 00:52:20 Lucy Ricardo will be pregnant on the show.
1183 00:52:24 An eight-episode arc starting withLucy telling Ricky the happy news
1184 00:52:29 -and ending with the birth of the baby.-ROGER (laughs): No.
1185 00:52:32 No, no, no.
1186 00:52:33 You can't have a pregnant womanon television.
1187 00:52:35 DESI:Why not?
1188 00:52:36 Because it's television.
1189 00:52:37 We come into people's homes.
1190 00:52:39 Pregnant women often vomit.
1191 00:52:41 I know I could any second.
1192 00:52:43 -May I say something?-Frankly, I can't wait.
1193 00:52:45 If Lucy Ricardo's pregnant,the audience's mind immediately goes
1194 00:52:48 to how did she get that way.
1195 00:52:50 Lucy and Ricky sleep in separate beds.
1196 00:52:51 We'll be pushing the beds together, too.
1197 00:52:53 -Oh. -Oh, no.-Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1198 00:52:54 I'm sorry, Des, we're gonnahave to put our foot down on this one.
1199 00:52:57 You can't do it. End of discussion.
1200 00:53:02 (groans)
1201 00:53:03 鈾?鈾?
1202 00:53:05 Miss Rosen, will you come in please,with a pad and pen?
1203 00:53:13 -My secretary.-(footsteps approaching)
1204 00:53:16 What are you doing?
1205 00:53:17 To Mr. Alfred Lyons,Chairman of the Board of Philip Morris.
1206 00:53:19 HOWARD: We don't wantto bring Mr. Lyons into this.
1207 00:53:21 鈥淢r. Lyons, I guessit all comes down to you.
1208 00:53:23 鈥淵ou are the manwho's paying the money for this show,
1209 00:53:26 and I'll do whatever you decide.鈥?
1210 00:53:28 Mr. Lyons doesn't get involvedat this level.
1211 00:53:30 鈥淭here's only one thing I wantto make certain that you understand.鈥?
1212 00:53:33 -Desi鈥?-鈥淲e've given you
1213 00:53:35 鈥渢he number one show on television,
1214 00:53:37 鈥渁nd up until now, the creative decisionshave been in our hands.
1215 00:53:41 They are now telling us that Lucyand Ricky can't have a baby on the show.鈥?
1216 00:53:45 That's not exactly what we said.
1217 00:53:46 鈥淎ll I ask from you,if you agree with them,
1218 00:53:49 鈥渋s that you inform them that we willnot accept them telling us what not to do
1219 00:53:52 鈥渦nless, beginning with our next episode,they also tell us what to do.
1220 00:53:58 Sincerely,鈥?et cetera, et cetera.Thank you.
1221 00:54:00 -And send it by telegram please.-Yes, sir.
1222 00:54:05 And that wasn't even why I married him.
1223 00:54:11 That was.
1224 00:54:15 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:Quiet please! Rehearsal's up!
1225 00:54:17 Lucy, let me out of here!
1226 00:54:20 Untie this coat!
1227 00:54:21 Not until you kiss and make up.
1228 00:54:23 I'll never make up with himafter the things he said.
1229 00:54:26 What about the things you said to me?
1230 00:54:28 She said my mother looks like a weasel.
1231 00:54:30 -Apologize, Ethel.-No.
1232 00:54:33 Oh, come on, Ethel. Tell him you're sorry.
1233 00:54:36 Well鈥?
1234 00:54:37 I'm sorry your mother looks like a weasel.
1235 00:54:39 Now, Ethel.
1236 00:54:41 Well, he should have more consideration.
1237 00:54:43 After all, I gave himthe best years of my life.
1238 00:54:45 -Were those the best?-(gasps)
1239 00:54:47 All right, all right, now you're even.
1240 00:54:49 Now, what are your termsfor making up, Ethel?
1241 00:54:51 Well, he should鈥?
1242 00:54:53 We should go back to the dinner table.
1243 00:54:57 -What was that?-We should go back to the dinner table.
1244 00:54:59 I think, given the time,we should move on.
1245 00:55:03 It was good.
1246 00:55:04 Yeah, except, no, it wasn't.
1247 00:55:05 -What?-Good.
1248 00:55:07 -Wasn't good.-Uh鈥?
1249 00:55:08 Ah, let's go back.
1250 00:55:09 WILLIAM:What's happening?
1251 00:55:11 VIVIAN:(sighs) She wants to go back.
1252 00:55:12 -WILLIAM: To what?-The dinner scene.
1253 00:55:13 WILLIAM:What?
1254 00:55:15 VIVIAN:The dinner scene, you drunken yontz!
1255 00:55:18 WILLIAM:Have we hired anyone to play Ethel yet?
1256 00:55:19 All right, let's go.
1257 00:55:21 Go forward or go back to the dinner scene?
1258 00:55:22 Back.
1259 00:55:23 (sighs heavily)
1260 00:55:25 Page 15. This is still scene 鈥淎.鈥?
1261 00:55:27 From, 鈥淵ou're right, he's notgoing to do me out of dinner.鈥?
1262 00:55:29 -Cameras reset. Props reset.-VIVIAN: Someone's gonna need to tell us
1263 00:55:31 what was wrong with the scenein the first place.
1264 00:55:33 -WILLIAM: You were in it.-DESI: Bill.
1265 00:55:34 Something fundamental was wrong.I'll figure out what.
1266 00:55:36 I can figure out what.
1267 00:55:37 -Let's all do our individual jobs.-(sighs)
1268 00:55:39 (quietly): I hit him in the faceuntil he's bleeding鈥?
1269 00:55:41 -does our insurance cover that?-DESI: Yeah, I got the platinum plan.
1270 00:55:43 Good job.
1271 00:55:44 -Ready, ready.-Quiet please!
1272 00:55:46 Rehearsal's up!
1273 00:55:47 DONALD: From, 鈥淵ou're right,he's not going to do me out of dinner.鈥?
1274 00:55:50 Settle.
1275 00:55:51 And action.
1276 00:55:53 Uh, you're right.
1277 00:55:54 He's not gonna do me out of dinner.
1278 00:55:57 Good.
1279 00:55:58 Oh. Now, sit down, everyone.
1280 00:56:03 We don't have any more chairs.
1281 00:56:06 You two don't mind sharing, do you?
1282 00:56:11 The roast beef should be precut.
1283 00:56:13 -It will be, dear.-DESI: How's that, Ethel?
1284 00:56:15 -Not too much fat, is there?-VIVIAN: There certainly is.
1285 00:56:17 He means the meat.
1286 00:56:18 Oh, no, the meat is fine.
1287 00:56:19 LUCILLE:Now do your thing.
1288 00:56:22 Come on.
1289 00:56:24 -Mm.-DONALD: Perfect.
1290 00:56:25 -Yeah?-Moving on.
1291 00:56:27 -MAN: Moving鈥?-Staying put. -Why?
1292 00:56:29 We need to work outthe moves at the table.
1293 00:56:30 Bill and I can work out the moves.
1294 00:56:32 It's not that I'm not confidentthat you can't work out鈥?
1295 00:56:33 This is camera blocking.
1296 00:56:35 We can work out the stage businessduring tomorrow's run-through.
1297 00:56:38 I would strongly prefer that we do it now.
1298 00:56:40 I have to exercisemy directorial authority.
1299 00:56:43 -You have to do what?-DESI: Let's take a break.
1300 00:56:44 -It's not time for a break.-Good, then, that's ten minutes.
1301 00:56:46 Ten minutes, we come back to scene 鈥淎鈥?
1302 00:56:48 -No, we don't.-Maybe we don't. It's hard to say.
1303 00:56:51 (indistinct chatter)
1304 00:56:57 Tell me what's happening, honey.
1305 00:56:58 (exhaling musically)
1306 00:56:59 -You know what occurs to me?-Mm-hmm?
1307 00:57:01 At the top, it should be clear
1308 00:57:03 that I'm setting a nice table, right?
1309 00:57:04 There should be flowers in a vase.
1310 00:57:06 (humming)
1311 00:57:08 And I'm trying to get them just right.
1312 00:57:10 And I cut one of the stems,but now it's too short.
1313 00:57:14 Then I cut the others,but now they're too short and鈥?
1314 00:57:15 -I get it.-What do you think?
1315 00:57:17 I think you're havinga little bit of a breakdown.
1316 00:57:19 I meant about the flowers.
1317 00:57:21 Tell me what's happening now.
1318 00:57:23 Why is this so hard to understand?
1319 00:57:26 The dinner table isn't working,
1320 00:57:27 -and we need it to.-Mm-hmm.
1321 00:57:29 Right there arethe building blocks of drama.
1322 00:57:37 鈾?鈾?
1323 00:57:59 Viv.
1324 00:58:02 It's not you.
1325 00:58:04 Or Bill.
1326 00:58:05 The dinner scene. It's Donald Glass.
1327 00:58:08 Well鈥?(chuckles)
1328 00:58:10 it'll be funny.
1329 00:58:11 I'm sure of that.
1330 00:58:13 Can't get better till it gets bad.
1331 00:58:16 -Cross step one off the list.-Yeah.
1332 00:58:18 Okay.
1333 00:58:21 You hanging in there?
1334 00:58:23 Look, we've made 37 episodes.
1335 00:58:24 You do 37 of anything,one of them's gonna be your 37th best.
1336 00:58:28 Ours was directed by Donald Glass.
1337 00:58:30 Honey, the committee.
1338 00:58:32 They're not gonna base their findingsbased on how this week's sh鈥?
1339 00:58:34 Fuck the committee.
1340 00:58:35 I said that. I'm talking about the show.
1341 00:58:37 And unless you count his wardrobe,Donald Glass doesn't understand
1342 00:58:41 the moving parts of physical comedy.
1343 00:58:44 (sighs)
1344 00:58:45 That's all.
1345 00:58:46 My point is you're not the problem.
1346 00:58:49 Mm-hmm.
1347 00:58:52 Luce.
1348 00:58:53 Yeah?
1349 00:58:56 (sighs)
1350 00:58:58 Uh, Madelyn brought me breakfastthis morning.
1351 00:59:02 French toast, bacon and potatoes.
1352 00:59:05 She said that someone noticedI hadn't had breakfast.
1353 00:59:08 She said it looked likeI had lost some weight.
1354 00:59:10 She's right. You look great.
1355 00:59:12 Madelyn's a staff writer.She doesn't bring people their breakfast.
1356 00:59:16 I'm not sure what you're asking.
1357 00:59:18 It sounds like she was鈥?
1358 00:59:19 How would she know I hadn't had breakfast?
1359 00:59:24 I really don't know.
1360 00:59:26 -It was you, right?-Yeah.
1361 00:59:28 Got to give me credit.When I lie, I give it up pretty quick.
1362 00:59:31 -It's admirable.-Thanks.
1363 00:59:34 You told her to bring me breakfastand remark on my weight loss.
1364 00:59:39 Let me explain why.
1365 00:59:41 Why?
1366 00:59:42 Because I think you shouldget off this loony diet you're on.
1367 00:59:44 It's working.
1368 00:59:45 It's not good for you.
1369 00:59:47 I feel great.
1370 00:59:48 It's not good for Ethel.
1371 00:59:49 Ah, it's not.
1372 00:59:51 We're best friends, Viv.I don't want to fight.
1373 00:59:54 -I just sent some breakfast overbecause鈥?-You didn't just send it over.
1374 00:59:56 You sent it overwith Madelyn and a message
1375 00:59:58 and now a new message,which is that I look too good.
1376 01:00:02 Because we want you at the weightyou were when we cast you.
1377 01:00:05 Otherwise it'll be bad for Ethel?
1378 01:00:06 -Yes.-Or bad for you?
1379 01:00:11 All right.
1380 01:00:12 No one's gonna stop loving Lucywhen you're pregnant.
1381 01:00:14 You're not a pinup girl.
1382 01:00:18 Thanks for that, Viv.
1383 01:00:19 VIVIAN:I'm saying take it easy, that's all.
1384 01:00:22 Everyone here stands shoulder to shoulderwith you and no one feels funny
1385 01:00:25 'cause we're scared to death,and you're not helping
1386 01:00:28 by jumping up and downon everyone who works here
1387 01:00:30 and doing it in front of the whole crew!
1388 01:00:32 Goddamn it, Viv,most American women look like you, not me.
1389 01:00:35 They want to see themselves on television.
1390 01:00:43 (door opens)
1391 01:00:48 What the hell are the two of youscreaming about?
1392 01:00:50 -LUCILLE: Nothing.-Nothing!
1393 01:00:52 I'm in my room taking my midmorning nap.
1394 01:00:54 VIVIAN: Don't you usually do thatwhile we're rehearsing?
1395 01:00:58 I'd love to hear more of thatMoss Hart wit on the show.
1396 01:01:08 VIVIAN:Don't worry about it.
1397 01:01:10 The weight always comes back.I can't keep it off anymore.
1398 01:01:15 This conversation went poorly.
1399 01:01:17 I thought it was great.
1400 01:01:19 I definitely feel like performingfor tens of millions of people now.
1401 01:01:26 All right.
1402 01:01:28 -So鈥?-(page turns)
1403 01:01:29 Okay.
1404 01:01:32 (thunder rumbling softly)
1405 01:01:36 -Lucille.-Yeah?
1406 01:01:40 Come with me for a drink.
1407 01:01:42 It's 10:00 a.m.
1408 01:01:43 I'm sure it's 10:15 somewhere.
1409 01:01:45 We have to be back onstage.
1410 01:01:47 -I wonder if they'll wait for you.-Bill, I'm not鈥?
1411 01:01:49 Kid.
1412 01:01:50 Tell the stage Mrs. Arnaz istaking some personal time
1413 01:01:52 and she'll be back when she's back.
1414 01:01:54 -Probably 15 minutes.-Yes, ma'am.
1415 01:01:56 And you should remind props that I needgarden shears in the opening scene.
1416 01:01:59 -Copy.-WILLIAM: Let's go.
1417 01:02:00 We have to establish right awaythat I'm setting a fancy table.
1418 01:02:02 -You don't have to explain it to him.-We'll have flowers in a vase.
1419 01:02:04 I'll cut one of the flowers.
1420 01:02:06 -He doesn't care.-It'll be too short.
1421 01:02:08 I'll cut the other flowers,they'll be too short, and so on.
1422 01:02:10 -Got it.-So I need garden shears.
1423 01:02:11 Copy.
1424 01:02:13 Regular scissors aren't strong enoughto cut through the stems.
1425 01:02:15 He's thinking a lot about killing you now.
1426 01:02:17 -Fine.-Go.
1427 01:02:18 Yep.
1428 01:02:20 (rain falling)
1429 01:02:21 It's raining.
1430 01:02:23 -Your hair gonna be all right?-(thunder rumbling)
1431 01:02:24 I'm fine.
1432 01:02:26 Ever since I started doing this show,rain bounces off my hair.
1433 01:02:30 -That's helpful.-Mm.
1434 01:02:32 Honestly had no idea this place was here.
1435 01:02:35 WILLIAM:They like to keep a low profile.
1436 01:02:37 LUCILLE:Can't imagine why.
1437 01:02:39 Kind of people go to a baron a Wednesday morning?
1438 01:02:43 WILLIAM:It's an eclectic group.
1439 01:02:45 -What are you having?-(鈥淛unker's Blues鈥?playing over radio)
1440 01:02:48 LUCILLE:I'll take a tetanus shot.
1441 01:02:50 -Jim Beam, two times.-BARTENDER: Sure, Bill.
1442 01:02:52 (sighs) I thought you and Desi had a deal.
1443 01:02:54 You don't drink at work.
1444 01:02:56 Desi and I have a dealthat I won't be drunk at work.
1445 01:02:59 Have you ever seen me drunk at work?
1446 01:03:01 -Would I know?-No.
1447 01:03:03 Here's to your new baby.
1448 01:03:05 All right, then.
1449 01:03:07 Are they being politeor do they not recognize us?
1450 01:03:10 They don't own television sets.
1451 01:03:13 Why didn't I think of that?
1452 01:03:14 Honey, I read seven newspapers every day.
1453 01:03:16 Seven? When do you have time to do that?
1454 01:03:18 It's 30 minutes between racesat Santa Anita,
1455 01:03:21 and it takes me a minute and a halfto pick a horse.
1456 01:03:23 -Aren't you at work?-Yeah.
1457 01:03:25 We have bookies now and telephones.
1458 01:03:28 Know all about that.Did a Damon Runyon picture.
1459 01:03:31 In none of those seven newspapers
1460 01:03:33 have I read anything aboutLucille Ball being a Communist.
1461 01:03:38 I don't hear anyone talking about it.
1462 01:03:40 Since when do you talk to anyone?
1463 01:03:42 I got news for you: the less you talk,the more things you hear,
1464 01:03:45 and I haven't heard anything.
1465 01:03:46 So鈥?
1466 01:03:49 problems at home?
1467 01:03:51 Problems at home?
1468 01:03:53 -Yeah.-No.
1469 01:03:55 I'd like very much to have problems athome, but my problem's not home that much.
1470 01:04:00 Few times a week.
1471 01:04:01 He was playing cards on the boatWednesday night.
1472 01:04:02 I know.
1473 01:04:04 The picture's six months old.
1474 01:04:05 I was there when it was taken.
1475 01:04:08 I'm saying, why wasn't he home,where I and our daughter were?
1476 01:04:10 Your husband is in love with Americalike no man I have ever known
1477 01:04:14 since George M. Cohan, who loved Americaso much he wrote the same song five times.
1478 01:04:19 Okay?
1479 01:04:20 Desi loves America as much as that guy.
1480 01:04:24 But that doesn't mean he's not Cuban.
1481 01:04:26 -I know that.-The world he's from
1482 01:04:28 has a very narrow definition of manhood.
1483 01:04:31 -I know that, too.-The man is the man.
1484 01:04:33 Mm-hmm.
1485 01:04:34 And not for nothing,but the women are happy.
1486 01:04:36 (scoffs softly) You've asked them?
1487 01:04:38 They look happy.
1488 01:04:41 I see.
1489 01:04:44 -But that's neither here nor there.-It really isn't.
1490 01:04:46 He's mesmerized by you, Lucille.
1491 01:04:49 And he misses youwhen you're in two different places.
1492 01:04:52 He does. I'm a witness.
1493 01:04:54 -He doesn't have to.-He鈥?
1494 01:04:56 We live in the same house.
1495 01:04:57 He does have to.
1496 01:04:59 That's what I'm saying.
1497 01:05:02 He has to spend time away from youso that he can feel like he's not the鈥?
1498 01:05:07 Second banana.
1499 01:05:08 I navigate male egos for a living, bud.
1500 01:05:11 Then why are you running the set?
1501 01:05:13 Why are you running rehearsals?
1502 01:05:16 You're doing it right in front of him.
1503 01:05:17 I can't prioritize the director's feelingsover the health of the show.
1504 01:05:20 No, no, not鈥?I couldn't care lessabout Donald's feelings if I tried hard.
1505 01:05:23 He's a hack.
1506 01:05:24 But we'll overcome that because,frankly, we're not doing Uncle Vanya.
1507 01:05:30 Got it.
1508 01:05:31 But the business at the dinner tablehas to be precise.
1509 01:05:33 Really?
1510 01:05:35 I was only in vaudeville 40 years,
1511 01:05:36 so I wouldn't know about these thingsof which you speak.
1512 01:05:39 I know you know.
1513 01:05:40 I'm just saying鈥?
1514 01:05:41 You did it in front of Desi is my point.
1515 01:05:45 Let me tell you something about Desi.
1516 01:05:47 He runs this show.
1517 01:05:50 Every creative decision goes through him.
1518 01:05:53 Every business decision鈥?the network, Philip Morris.
1519 01:05:56 And if that wasn't enough,he is camera-ready on Monday.
1520 01:05:59 Takes me five days to get a laugh.
1521 01:06:02 He's killing it at the table read.
1522 01:06:04 (chuckles softly)
1523 01:06:06 And that man, believe me,is nobody's second banana.
1524 01:06:11 How many people know that?
1525 01:06:12 Know what?
1526 01:06:14 That Desi runs the show.
1527 01:06:16 How many people know that?
1528 01:06:23 OLDER MADELYN:There was a minute there
1529 01:06:24 when Lucy was gonna be a serious actress.
1530 01:06:28 In serious movies.
1531 01:06:29 She was gonna compete for roleswith Crawford, Hayworth.
1532 01:06:35 Might've been Lucy in All About Eve.
1533 01:06:37 And you know what?She'd have blown the doors off the place.
1534 01:06:42 It was almost like that.
1535 01:06:44 For a minute there.
1536 01:06:46 鈾?鈾?
1537 01:06:55 Desi!
1538 01:06:58 (tuning guitar)
1539 01:07:01 Desi!
1540 01:07:02 (pants, grunts)
1541 01:07:04 Lucy?
1542 01:07:05 What happened?
1543 01:07:06 (panting)
1544 01:07:08 Flat tire!
1545 01:07:10 Quarter of a mile back.
1546 01:07:12 And you abandoned the car there?
1547 01:07:14 -I sprinted the last 500 yards.-What's going on?
1548 01:07:16 Also you ran with a bottleof champagne in your hand?
1549 01:07:19 (breathlessly):Bringing it鈥?
1550 01:07:22 鈥ore festive.
1551 01:07:24 I got it.
1552 01:07:25 I got the part.
1553 01:07:26 -Which part?-I got the part, Des.
1554 01:07:28 The Big Street.
1555 01:07:30 You said it was going to Rita Hayworth.
1556 01:07:32 Scheduling problems.
1557 01:07:33 Then they went to Judy Holliday.
1558 01:07:35 Scheduling problems.
1559 01:07:37 I got the female lead in The Big Street.
1560 01:07:41 That's tremendous.
1561 01:07:44 That's tremendous.
1562 01:07:46 I'm opposite Henry Fonda.
1563 01:07:49 But when does it start photography?
1564 01:07:51 Two weeks.
1565 01:07:53 (panting continues)
1566 01:07:54 -I still can't catch my breath.-(groans)
1567 01:07:58 -It's Damon Runyon.-I know!
1568 01:08:00 I know. I read the script,and I'm very, I'm very happy, Lucy,
1569 01:08:03 but I was looking forwardto you coming out on tour.
1570 01:08:07 Rita Hayworth had scheduling problems.
1571 01:08:09 Mm, so did you.
1572 01:08:11 You don't think I want to be in the samecity at the same time as my husband?
1573 01:08:15 -I know. I know.-What do I鈥?
1574 01:08:16 Every decision I makeis based on being near you.
1575 01:08:19 Every single decision.
1576 01:08:21 Well, yes, but obviously notevery single decision.
1577 01:08:24 -No? Hmm?-(sighs)
1578 01:08:27 You know how many years I've spentsticking my head into frame,
1579 01:08:29 saying something bitchy and going away?
1580 01:08:31 Crappy little roles in picturesI wouldn't pay a nickel to see
1581 01:08:35 if the theater hadthe only available air-conditioning.
1582 01:08:38 -Uh-huh.-If The Big Street is a hit,
1583 01:08:40 I'll be getting the rolesthat go to Rita and Judy and Bette.
1584 01:08:45 Which Judy?
1585 01:08:46 -Holliday.-Ah.
1586 01:08:47 Who's the baseball playerthat you talk about?
1587 01:08:49 The one who sat downand let Lou Gehrig start that streak.
1588 01:08:52 Oh, Wally Pipp.
1589 01:08:54 Gehrig was his understudy.
1590 01:08:55 -Backup.-And the guy took a rest one day.
1591 01:08:58 Gehrig came in,didn't come out for 40 years.
1592 01:09:01 14 years, and it was Wally Pipp.
1593 01:09:02 Okay, well, imagine if Wally Pipphad scheduling problems,
1594 01:09:05 Lou Gehrig, instead of grabbing his glove,toured with his husband's Latin orchestra.
1595 01:09:09 It would've changedthe course of baseball.
1596 01:09:11 -And the course of Latin music.-(sighs)
1597 01:09:13 Rita Hayworth is Wally Pipp.
1598 01:09:15 I'm Lou Gehrig.
1599 01:09:16 The Big Street is the Yankees.
1600 01:09:18 I understood the metaphor so long ago.
1601 01:09:22 You don't have to tour.You could stay in town.
1602 01:09:26 -And do what?-Sell out Ciro's every night.
1603 01:09:29 鈾?鈾?
1604 01:09:31 We're not a house band.
1605 01:09:34 I'd like to sell out New York.
1606 01:09:36 I'd like to sell out Chicagoand Miami, too.
1607 01:09:39 -I know.-Hmm.
1608 01:09:41 Eight weeks.
1609 01:09:43 I'll come wherever you areon the weekends.
1610 01:09:46 So it'll be important that you notfall in love with someone else
1611 01:09:48 Mondays through Fridays.
1612 01:09:50 Agreed.
1613 01:09:52 Should we open the champagne,take our clothes off
1614 01:09:54 and go skinny-dipping in the pool?
1615 01:09:55 That bottle of champagneis basically a grenade now,
1616 01:09:57 but all your other ideas were good.
1617 01:09:59 Lucy, Lucy, Jesus.
1618 01:10:02 Wow.
1619 01:10:04 You're gonna be a movie star.
1620 01:10:07 You comfortable with that?
1621 01:10:10 Am I comfortable with that?
1622 01:10:23 That bottle has comic timing.
1623 01:10:26 鈾?鈾?
1624 01:10:36 I've been at the studiofor almost ten years.
1625 01:10:38 I've never been in the president's office.
1626 01:10:40 Mr. Koerner isn't the president.He's the head of production.
1627 01:10:44 Second in command.
1628 01:10:46 Still higher than I've ever gotten.
1629 01:10:48 (intercom buzzes)
1630 01:10:51 -Yes, sir.-KOERNER: Send her in.
1631 01:10:53 You can go on in.
1632 01:10:59 -Lucille.-(sighs)
1633 01:11:01 -Charles Koerner.-Lucille Ball. (chuckles)
1634 01:11:03 You like Lucille or Lucy?
1635 01:11:05 Lucy's fine. I mean either's fine.
1636 01:11:07 -Lucy.-All right.
1637 01:11:08 And do I call you Charlie?
1638 01:11:10 Anyone as brilliant as you werein The Big Street
1639 01:11:12 can call me Betsy and I wouldn't care.
1640 01:11:14 (laughs) Thank you.
1641 01:11:16 Please, sit. Sit here.
1642 01:11:19 (Lucille sighs)
1643 01:11:21 Thank you.
1644 01:11:23 (sighs heavily)
1645 01:11:24 That was a whole new side of youwe've never seen.
1646 01:11:27 Where's that been?
1647 01:11:28 -It's been buried under bad movies.-(laughs)
1648 01:11:30 I've heard you makesome form of that joke before.
1649 01:11:33 Keep putting me in pictures likeThe Big Street, you won't hear it again.
1650 01:11:39 We're dropping your contract, Lucy.
1651 01:11:41 (laughs)
1652 01:11:43 -No, it-it's not a joke.-That was鈥?
1653 01:11:47 RKO is dropping your contract.
1654 01:11:52 I don't understand.
1655 01:11:55 We don't have anything for you.
1656 01:11:59 But that鈥?
1657 01:12:01 (exhales sharply)
1658 01:12:06 This is happening fast.
1659 01:12:07 The Big Street was a hit.
1660 01:12:09 It was a critical hit.
1661 01:12:10 I get that there wasn'ta stampede to the box office,
1662 01:12:12 but you didn't lose money, did you?
1663 01:12:14 -No.-Do you understand the conditions
1664 01:12:16 under which this picture was finished?
1665 01:12:18 No, it has nothing to dowith conditions鈥?
1666 01:12:19 Damon Runyon left townbefore principal photography,
1667 01:12:22 our director joined the Armyduring postproduction,
1668 01:12:25 and our editor died.
1669 01:12:28 He just flat-out died.
1670 01:12:31 -There were a number of obstacles.-That's accurate.
1671 01:12:33 -Did you read the reviews?-They were very impressive.
1672 01:12:35 They were more than impressive.
1673 01:12:37 This has nothing to do withyour performance in The Big Street.
1674 01:12:40 But it should have everything to dowith my performance in The Big Street.
1675 01:12:43 I鈥?I showed what I can do, and that'sjust the beginning of what I can do.
1676 01:12:47 That is just the beginning of it.
1677 01:12:49 (Lucille sighs)
1678 01:12:52 Are you sure this isn't a joke?
1679 01:12:54 It's a tough business.
1680 01:12:56 I know that!
1681 01:12:57 I've been in it since I was 14!
1682 01:12:59 But you're 35 now.
1683 01:13:03 -And that is the problem?-No.
1684 01:13:05 The problem is you're really 39,aren't you?
1685 01:13:10 Hmm.
1686 01:13:11 39-year-olds don't go to see your movies?
1687 01:13:16 They don't want to see storiesabout themselves?
1688 01:13:18 You came through for us when Judy Hollidayand Rita Hayworth were on other pictures,
1689 01:13:22 and we didn't want to lose Fonda.
1690 01:13:24 Now, this studio has a handshakeunderstanding with Metro and Warner,
1691 01:13:28 and they'll loan us Holliday or Hayworth,
1692 01:13:31 so we just don't have enough for youto warrant keeping you under contract.
1693 01:13:35 Judy Holliday does one thing very well,but it's just one thing.
1694 01:13:38 I know how you're feeling right now.
1695 01:13:40 I've had to have this conversationa hundred times.
1696 01:13:43 I'm surprisedbecause you're terrible at it.
1697 01:13:47 Can I make a suggestion?
1698 01:13:50 Radio.
1699 01:13:53 The hell did you just say to me?
1700 01:13:55 You've got the voice for it.
1701 01:13:57 Look, I've noticed there's a lotyou can do with your voice.
1702 01:13:59 You should think about radio, Lucy.
1703 01:14:05 And you should go fuck yourself, Betsy.
1704 01:14:07 鈾?鈾?
1705 01:14:11 (crickets chirping)
1706 01:14:22 (sighs softly)
1707 01:14:27 DESI:Lucy?
1708 01:14:30 What are you doing?
1709 01:14:32 I'm reading scripts.
1710 01:14:36 Oh, it's 3:00 in the morning.
1711 01:14:39 I know.
1712 01:14:41 I'm drunk, too.
1713 01:14:44 I know why you like drinking.
1714 01:14:46 I didn't get it till about two hours ago.
1715 01:14:50 You read any good movies?
1716 01:14:52 These are radio pilots.
1717 01:14:55 Oh, yeah?
1718 01:14:57 Yeah.
1719 01:14:58 There's nothing wrong with radio.
1720 01:15:01 I do it all the time.
1721 01:15:03 You're a bandleader.
1722 01:15:17 You know, Bataan was a hit, too.
1723 01:15:20 I didn't hear you.
1724 01:15:21 Bataan was a hit.
1725 01:15:23 I was good.
1726 01:15:26 The reviews were valentines,and I didn't bang a drum.
1727 01:15:30 It would have led to better parts,except I had to go to鈥?
1728 01:15:32 what do you call it?鈥?
1729 01:15:34 fight World War II.
1730 01:15:39 And now those crappy little parts inpictures you wouldn't pay a nickel to see
1731 01:15:42 -if it was the only availableair-conditioning in the鈥?-Des.
1732 01:15:45 I can't get them.
1733 01:15:53 鈾?鈾?
1734 01:15:57 (sighs softly)
1735 01:16:13 DESI: Gee, honey, are you surethose bandages are fake?
1736 01:16:15 -Oh, yeah.-Are you sure you're all right?
1737 01:16:18 -Yeah, honey, I'm fine.-Oh, yeah鈥?oh, let me help you.
1738 01:16:20 (groans):Oh.
1739 01:16:21 It's a good thingthe Mertzes had their awning up.
1740 01:16:24 -Oh, honey.-(groans)
1741 01:16:26 It was all my fault.
1742 01:16:28 No, it was my fault, honey.
1743 01:16:31 Weren't we silly?
1744 01:16:32 DESI:Yes. We will never argue again.
1745 01:16:34 Ah, baby.
1746 01:16:37 -Lucy, are you okay?!-Yeah, I'm fine.
1747 01:16:40 -You sure?-I'm sure.
1748 01:16:42 WILLIAM:Thank goodness you're all right.
1749 01:16:43 LUCILLE:Why? What's the matter?
1750 01:16:44 When I told Ethelthe whole gag was my idea,
1751 01:16:47 she got mad and went home to her mother.
1752 01:16:48 -Oh鈥?-Oh, no.
1753 01:16:50 DONALD:And we cut. Good.
1754 01:16:52 -Is that lunch?-(indistinct chatter)
1755 01:16:53 That's one hour for lunch!
1756 01:16:55 We'll do notes onstage after and go again.
1757 01:16:57 Uh, one quick thing.
1758 01:16:59 The table scene is getting good.
1759 01:17:00 Yeah, it's not.
1760 01:17:01 I wanted to circle back again and express
1761 01:17:03 my serious concern aboutRicky's entrance at the top.
1762 01:17:06 I brought it up at the table read Monday.There haven't been new pages.
1763 01:17:09 -Because it's gonna work.-Hear me out.
1764 01:17:11 -Okay.-Right now,
1765 01:17:12 Lucy is trimming the flowers on the table.
1766 01:17:14 Ricky opens the door and comes in.
1767 01:17:16 We're gonna have to cut the flowers.
1768 01:17:18 I don't mean 鈥渃ut the flowers.鈥?I mean cut the flowers.
1769 01:17:21 I couldn't understand the differencebetween those two line readings.
1770 01:17:23 We're running long.We have to cut the bit with the flowers.
1771 01:17:26 How long?
1772 01:17:27 About a minute.
1773 01:17:28 All right, well,we'll get back to the flowers.
1774 01:17:31 The front door opens, Ricky comes in.
1775 01:17:33 Lucy doesn't see or hear him,which is unusual
1776 01:17:35 because the front door is, you know,
1777 01:17:37 -right there.-Mm-hmm.
1778 01:17:38 And in previous episodes,we've established
1779 01:17:40 Lucy's eyes and earsare connected to her brain.
1780 01:17:42 We-we buy the conceit.
1781 01:17:44 -I'm sorry?-We buy it.
1782 01:17:46 Lucy is so focusedon making the table nice
1783 01:17:49 she doesn't even noticeRicky coming in the door.
1784 01:17:51 -Okay, I'll run with that.-Yeah.
1785 01:17:53 Ricky walks up to her quietly.
1786 01:17:55 He puts his handsover her eyes and says鈥?
1787 01:17:57 鈥淕uess who it is.鈥?
1788 01:17:59 -And then Lucy says,鈥淏ill? Sam? Pat? Ralph?鈥?-Yeah.
1789 01:18:03 -She's teasing him.-Yes, she's teasing him.
1790 01:18:04 That's clear. Ricky responds鈥?
1791 01:18:06 -鈥淣o.鈥?-鈥淣o.鈥?
1792 01:18:07 And the stage direction for Rickysays 鈥渂urning.鈥?
1793 01:18:10 鈥淣o!鈥?
1794 01:18:12 He's upset.
1795 01:18:13 Lucy continues the teasing.
1796 01:18:14 鈥淕eorge? Julius? Stephen? Ivan?鈥?
1797 01:18:16 -Yeah.-We changed that to
1798 01:18:18 鈥淧edro? Julio? Juan? Guillermo?鈥?
1799 01:18:19 MADELYN:鈥淏ecause those are Spanish names.
1800 01:18:21 鈥淚 mean Mexican. Cuban. Latin.
1801 01:18:23 鈥淭hey're Brazilian names.
1802 01:18:25 Turkish.鈥?
1803 01:18:26 -You done? -Yeah. -ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:We're moving into a meal penalty.
1804 01:18:28 Yeah, okay.
1805 01:18:29 LUCILLE:Lucy guesses some names.
1806 01:18:31 Yeah, teasingly.
1807 01:18:32 And the script indicates that Rickytakes his hands away from Lucy's eyes,
1808 01:18:37 turns her around and says鈥?
1809 01:18:38 -鈥淣o, it's me.鈥?-So my question again, Jess:
1810 01:18:42 Does Ricky honestly, truly believethat there might be eight different men
1811 01:18:46 who routinely walk into their apartment,all of whom sound exactly like Desi Arnaz?
1812 01:18:52 You think we're saying Ricky's stupid?
1813 01:18:54 I think you're saying the audience is.
1814 01:18:56 And that's something for whichthey won't soon forgive you.
1815 01:18:59 You charge for these lessons?
1816 01:19:01 A ton.
1817 01:19:02 For the sake of the joke,the audience will take the leap with us.
1818 01:19:05 They will, but you'll need a busloadof orthopedists when they land.
1819 01:19:08 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:Jess.
1820 01:19:10 Let's talk about this after lunch, huh?
1821 01:19:11 -I have an idea.-I got a crew here,
1822 01:19:13 and we're aboutto run into a penalty, so鈥?
1823 01:19:15 -Lucy is working on the flowers.-We're cutting the flowers for time.
1824 01:19:18 I don't mean literallycutting the flowers in the scene鈥?
1825 01:19:19 I cannot go through that again.
1826 01:19:21 Ricky opens the door, comes in,
1827 01:19:23 shuts the door, as we've seen him doin 37 episodes.
1828 01:19:26 Lucy doesn't acknowledge him.
1829 01:19:28 -Uh, so far, you're describing the script.-Right.
1830 01:19:30 But instead of playingthe hands-over-the-eyes guessing game,
1831 01:19:32 Ricky just stands there.
1832 01:19:34 He can't understand why Lucy doesn'tnotice he's home any more than we can.
1833 01:19:37 He stands there for a full beat,and then another,
1834 01:19:41 and then merrily,in a slightly exaggerated manner,
1835 01:19:45 as we've heard him doa hundred times, he says鈥?
1836 01:19:48 鈥淟ucy, I'm home!鈥?
1837 01:19:50 (laughter)
1838 01:19:51 For Ricky is funny.
1839 01:19:53 Hey, Luce?
1840 01:19:55 Let's talk about it after lunch.
1841 01:19:59 -Jim.-That's lunch!
1842 01:20:01 One hour!
1843 01:20:02 Back onstage for notes!
1844 01:20:04 -MAN: All right, lunch!-(indistinct chatter)
1845 01:20:10 Hang on!
1846 01:20:11 Desi, does that work for you?
1847 01:20:13 Works perfect.
1848 01:20:16 We'll talk about it after lunch.
1849 01:20:20 It needed to be fixed.
1850 01:20:22 鈾?鈾?
1851 01:20:32 BOB: I think we can get moreout of 鈥渉ypocrite.鈥?
1852 01:20:33 -MADELYN: Yeah.-Yeah? Like what?
1853 01:20:35 Like Lucy turns to Desi and says,
1854 01:20:38 鈥淲ell, it's nice to knowI'm married to a hypocrite.鈥?
1855 01:20:40 And Desi gets his back up and says鈥?
1856 01:20:42 鈥淗ypocrite?鈥?
1857 01:20:44 Then turns to Fred and says,鈥淲hat's a hypocrite?鈥?
1858 01:20:46 Fred tells him,鈥淚t's a person who says one thing
1859 01:20:48 -but does another.鈥?-Mm-hmm.
1860 01:20:50 Desi says, 鈥淭hank you,鈥?turns back to Lucy and says鈥?
1861 01:20:52 -鈥淥h, yeah?鈥?(chuckles)-Yeah, that's good. That's good.
1862 01:20:54 Yeah, that's exactlywhat I was gonna pitch.
1863 01:20:56 -But I pitched it faster.-By interrupting me.
1864 01:20:58 How do you think I got to bea woman in a comedy room?
1865 01:21:00 (knocking)
1866 01:21:01 Hey, is now a good time?
1867 01:21:02 JESS:Yeah. Madelyn had a good idea.
1868 01:21:04 Desi's entrance, we shoot it both waysand see which one gets the bigger laugh.
1869 01:21:07 That was my idea.
1870 01:21:09 It's a bad idea.
1871 01:21:10 Mm. It's just not your day.
1872 01:21:12 -Can I have a minute in your office?-JESS: Yeah.
1873 01:21:14 Sure.
1874 01:21:15 (sighs):All right.
1875 01:21:17 (phone ringing in distance)
1876 01:21:19 What's wrong with shooting it both ways?
1877 01:21:21 You'll be on the floorduring the show, right?
1878 01:21:23 I'll be where I always am.
1879 01:21:25 In full view of the audience?
1880 01:21:27 I suppose.
1881 01:21:28 Since we're doing it both ways,
1882 01:21:30 how about we do it once with your pants onand once with your pants off?
1883 01:21:33 -That's not the same.-It is.
1884 01:21:35 And I don't want to do the versionwith my pants off in front of 200 people.
1885 01:21:39 But that's not what I needto talk to you about.
1886 01:21:42 You're not gonna tell meyou're pregnant again, are you?
1887 01:21:44 No.I'm still pregnant from before, but no.
1888 01:21:47 Jess, you know how much I value you.
1889 01:21:50 -I think I do.-You know you do.
1890 01:21:52 Okay.
1891 01:21:53 And you also know what it isDesi does around here.
1892 01:21:55 Sure.
1893 01:21:57 -I mean, every business decisiongoes through Desi. -Mm-hmm.
1894 01:22:00 In fact, most business decisionsare made by Desi.
1895 01:22:03 -You married a very bright man.-I did.
1896 01:22:06 He makes a lot of creative decisions, too.
1897 01:22:08 Mm. I'm not sure I'd say a lot.
1898 01:22:10 I would. I'd say a lot.
1899 01:22:11 He devised the camera system that we use.
1900 01:22:13 He's the reason the East Coastdoesn't see the show on a foggy kinescope.
1901 01:22:16 -Yeah.-And even though we use three cameras,
1902 01:22:18 the studio audience can see every scene.
1903 01:22:21 -That's him, too.-Mm-hmm.
1904 01:22:23 And the four of us, the cast,we can see the audience.
1905 01:22:24 I give him a lot of credit for that.
1906 01:22:25 He's the one who thought upLucy being pregnant on the show.
1907 01:22:30 That is never gonna happen,'cause no matter what CBS says,
1908 01:22:32 Philip Morris is nevergonna let it happen.
1909 01:22:34 But, like I said, I give him credit.
1910 01:22:36 That's the thing, though. You don't.
1911 01:22:38 What do you mean?
1912 01:22:40 He doesn't get creditas an executive producer,
1913 01:22:42 which, let's face it, is what he is.
1914 01:22:44 -(sighs)-You get sole credit.
1915 01:22:47 I didn't win my credit in a raffle!I earn it.
1916 01:22:49 I'm the showrunner! Not to mentionbeing the creator of the show.
1917 01:22:52 I don't see how we coulddo the show without you.
1918 01:22:54 You absolutely could not.
1919 01:22:56 I don't see how we could do the showwithout Desi either.
1920 01:22:59 Because he plays Ricky,which he does get a screen credit for.
1921 01:23:02 -Jess鈥?-Is this somethingour agents should be talking about?
1922 01:23:03 -No. -'Cause I'm not at all comfortablewith this conversation.
1923 01:23:06 I'm about to make you less comfortable.
1924 01:23:09 I need you to help me save my marriage.
1925 01:23:11 鈾?鈾?
1926 01:23:14 I need you to help me save my marriage.
1927 01:23:25 What do you thinkthey're talking about in there?
1928 01:23:27 I think they're talking about you.
1929 01:23:30 I think they want to pay you lessbecause you're not as funny as I am.
1930 01:23:33 Mary Pat, would you mind asking Desiif I can come see him?
1931 01:23:35 Sure.
1932 01:23:37 (door closes)
1933 01:23:39 LUCILLE:Madelyn?
1934 01:23:40 Yeah.
1935 01:23:42 (phone ringing in distance)
1936 01:23:48 -Was everything all right in there?-Yeah.
1937 01:23:50 -So, listen.-Mm-hmm.
1938 01:23:52 It has to be coherent, because if it'sanything goes, then nothing's funny.
1939 01:23:55 -Anything Goes was a hit.-Not Cole Porter's Anything Goes.
1940 01:23:57 -I mean if an鈥?-I know.
1941 01:23:59 -Why are you telling me?-The opening,
1942 01:24:01 Ricky's entrance with his handsover my eyes, that was Jess, right?
1943 01:24:06 Outside of that room, we make it a pointnot to talk about who wrote what.
1944 01:24:11 It wasn't Jess?
1945 01:24:12 Again鈥?
1946 01:24:13 You know I'm right about the logic.
1947 01:24:15 Why aren't you backing me up instead ofendorsing a plan to shoot it both ways?
1948 01:24:19 Listen, why don't we get togetherfor a drink or a swim this weekend,
1949 01:24:22 and we can put it on the agenda?
1950 01:24:24 Because the show is tomorrowand I'm fine talking about it now.
1951 01:24:27 By all means, let's unnecessarily add moreto what you're worried about this week.
1952 01:24:30 -I'm not worried! I'm鈥?-Shh.
1953 01:24:32 (hushed):I'm not worried.
1954 01:24:33 I'm saying I count on youto be the firewall, to be鈥?
1955 01:24:36 to-to make sure鈥?just鈥?logic, okay?
1956 01:24:40 I won't say who wrote what,but I can tell you
1957 01:24:42 that I'm the lady in theretrying to make Lucy smarter.
1958 01:24:45 Excuse me?
1959 01:24:46 I'm the one trying, every week, to鈥?
1960 01:24:48 Lucy's dumb?
1961 01:24:50 I didn't say that.
1962 01:24:51 You're trying鈥?
1963 01:24:54 struggling, it sounds like鈥?to make Lucy smarter?
1964 01:24:58 I created this character with you.(chuckles softly)
1965 01:25:00 And she needs to be smarter?
1966 01:25:02 She sometimes, for the sake of comedy,is infantilized.
1967 01:25:08 -(exhales sharply)-This is a crazy week,
1968 01:25:10 time and place to be havingthis conversation.
1969 01:25:12 -This is important鈥?-How is she infantilized?
1970 01:25:15 She literally says, 鈥淲aah.鈥?
1971 01:25:16 'Cause when she does,60 million people laugh,
1972 01:25:18 just like with Lou Costelloand Stan Laurel, and you get paid.
1973 01:25:22 When those two grown menplay slow-witted five-year-olds, I cringe.
1974 01:25:25 Then I question your comedy IQ.
1975 01:25:26 No, you don't.
1976 01:25:28 You think I'm the funniest writerin the room,
1977 01:25:29 and that's whyyou're talking to me and not Jess.
1978 01:25:35 Many people regard Lucy as clever.
1979 01:25:37 I mean, she always has a planto overcome an obstacle.
1980 01:25:39 Yeah, but oftentimes that obstacleis her husband's permission.
1981 01:25:43 You really think, this week, right now,is the best time to talk about this?
1982 01:25:48 -No! I literally said that 30 seconds ago.-(sighs)
1983 01:25:52 Look鈥?
1984 01:25:54 it's just a female perspectivefrom another generation.
1985 01:25:58 Another generation?
1986 01:26:00 Ah, you're on a roll.
1987 01:26:02 Bette Davis, Bacall, Hepburn.
1988 01:26:05 -Funny women.-Judy Holliday.
1989 01:26:06 Judy Holliday? Go to hell.
1990 01:26:08 They are funny women.
1991 01:26:09 And they're smart and toughand they outsmart the men.
1992 01:26:12 So why do you and Gracie Allenfeel like you have to鈥?
1993 01:26:13 Oh, stop. Okay.
1994 01:26:15 Stop, stop, stop, stop.
1995 01:26:16 Maddie, I love you.
1996 01:26:18 You're like, I guess,
1997 01:26:20 -a great-granddaughter to mefrom another generation. -Hmm.
1998 01:26:22 And my fervent wish for youis that, one day,
1999 01:26:25 you will be half as funny as Gracie Allen.
2000 01:26:26 In the meantime, please rememberthat Lucy and Ricky and Fred and Ethel,
2001 01:26:31 if they live past tomorrow,have to live in a reality
2002 01:26:34 that accepts the physical lawsof the universe.
2003 01:26:36 Ricky knows that Lucy doesn't believe
2004 01:26:38 there are possibly eight other menin the apartment!
2005 01:26:40 Understood.
2006 01:26:42 (sighs heavily)
2007 01:26:43 But I don't make that decision.
2008 01:26:45 (door opens)
2009 01:26:46 JESS:Let's go!
2010 01:26:49 (sighs)
2011 01:26:53 Mary Pat, cut the flowers.
2012 01:26:55 And to be clear,by 鈥渃ut the flowers,鈥?I mean鈥?
2013 01:26:56 -She knows exactly what you mean.-Yeah, let's go.
2014 01:27:00 (mutters):Judy Holliday.
2015 01:27:03 This isn't happening.
2016 01:27:04 鈾?鈾?
2017 01:27:06 (clears throat)
2018 01:27:11 -(knocking)-Mr. Arnaz?
2019 01:27:14 Come in.
2020 01:27:16 Mr. Oppenheimer is here to see youwith Mr. Carroll and Miss Pugh.
2021 01:27:18 Uh, nothing from Mr. Lyons yet?
2022 01:27:21 No.
2023 01:27:22 (sighs)
2024 01:27:23 Anyone at Philip Morris?
2025 01:27:25 No.
2026 01:27:31 Gracias.
2027 01:27:33 -(phone ringing)-Acomp谩帽ame al escenario.
2028 01:27:36 Walk me to the stage.We're an hour behind.
2029 01:27:38 Okay, Madelyn's got a new jokefor the second act.
2030 01:27:40 I just this minute told Lucythat we don't talk about who wrote what.
2031 01:27:42 Madelyn came up with the jokejust seconds after I did.
2032 01:27:45 Isn't it possible that two comedy writersworking on the same script
2033 01:27:47 came up with the same jokeat the same time?
2034 01:27:49 -It's possible.-Thank you.
2035 01:27:50 -Just not what happened.-Do I need to be here for any of this?
2036 01:27:52 Uh, 鈥淗ypocrite? What's a hypocrite?鈥?
2037 01:27:55 -So that's to Fred.-Got it. Good.
2038 01:27:57 -Is that what you wanted me for?-Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
2039 01:27:59 The hypocrite joke is for episode nine.That's the script we're working on, okay?
2040 01:28:02 If Lucy's gonna be pregnant鈥?Lucy Ricardo鈥?
2041 01:28:04 then we have to introduce it in nine,according to your timetable.
2042 01:28:06 -Yeah. -So I just want to confirm thatthere's no chance we're doing that, right?
2043 01:28:09 We are doing that.
2044 01:28:11 You know Philip Morris won't let us.
2045 01:28:13 And-and even if they did,we don't want to see this girl pregnant.
2046 01:28:15 We don't want to know that she's pregnant.
2047 01:28:16 We don't want to knowhow she got pregnant.
2048 01:28:17 Do we have viewers who don't knowhow women get pregnant?
2049 01:28:20 Yeah, they're called children.
2050 01:28:22 Uh, do any of these children haveyounger brothers or sisters?
2051 01:28:25 You know what, you know what elsea lot of our viewers are? Christian.
2052 01:28:28 Ah, I'm way ahead of you.
2053 01:28:30 I'm going to have a priest, a ministerand a rabbi review every script.
2054 01:28:35 I'm gonna get rewritten bya priest, a minister and a rabbi?
2055 01:28:38 -Mm-hmm.-A joke in there somewhere.
2056 01:28:39 Good, because if I'm rewrittenby a priest, a minister and a rabbi,
2057 01:28:42 there aren't gonna be manyleft in the script.
2058 01:28:43 -(laughs) Good one.-Uh, Des鈥?
2059 01:28:44 No, no, e-enough. Enough.
2060 01:28:46 I sent a telegram to Alfred Lyons.
2061 01:28:48 -You did.-Yes.
2062 01:28:49 And I've put the decision in his hands.
2063 01:28:50 -Okay. Okay.-All right.
2064 01:28:52 (chuckles):Okay, good.
2065 01:28:54 -You're that sure he's gonna say no, huh?-I am.
2066 01:28:57 -That it? Okay.-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.
2067 01:28:59 Oh, Bob, Bob, tell Desi that thingyou were saying before.
2068 01:29:03 Me?
2069 01:29:04 Yeah.
2070 01:29:06 -Really?-DESI: Guys.
2071 01:29:08 JESS:No, it was interesting.
2072 01:29:10 -Bob was saying that you鈥?-Hmm?
2073 01:29:11 鈥re really the title characterof the show.
2074 01:29:13 Because you are the 鈥淚鈥?in I Love Lucy.
2075 01:29:18 Mm-hmm.
2076 01:29:20 So strictly speaking,you have top billing.
2077 01:29:22 I am the 鈥淚鈥?in I Love Lucy.
2078 01:29:25 (chuckles):Yeah.
2079 01:29:27 I never thought of it that way.
2080 01:29:28 -Yeah, you like that?-I like that.
2081 01:29:31 Yeah.
2082 01:29:32 (chuckles):Jess鈥?
2083 01:29:33 patronize me again,and I'll stick my hand down your throat
2084 01:29:37 and pull your fucking lungs out.(pops lips)
2085 01:29:40 -Look鈥?(stammers)-ROSEN: Excuse me.
2086 01:29:41 What is it?
2087 01:29:42 It-It's a telegram for Mr. Arnaz.
2088 01:29:44 -It's from Mr. Lyons and Philip Morris.-Mm.
2089 01:29:48 -Vamos a ver.-Yeah.
2090 01:29:54 Let's go, please.
2091 01:29:56 -We are an hour behind.-Yeah.
2092 01:30:03 What does it say?
2093 01:30:06 鈥淭o all Philip Morris and CBS employees:
2094 01:30:11 Don't fuck with the Cuban.鈥?
2095 01:30:14 (thunder rumbling)
2096 01:30:19 LUCILLE: 鈥淗e didn't come homeand he hasn't called.
2097 01:30:22 Not that it makes any difference to me.鈥?
2098 01:30:26 鈥淥h, I can see that it doesn't makeany difference to you.
2099 01:30:28 Why don't you call Rickyand tell him you're sorry?鈥?
2100 01:30:31 鈥淲hat? You think I'd allow my pride鈥︹€?Hmm.
2101 01:30:35 鈥淒o you thinkI'd swallow my pride like that?鈥?
2102 01:30:38 (whispers):Never.
2103 01:30:41 (whispers):What are you doing up?
2104 01:30:42 (hushed):I woke up and you weren't there.
2105 01:30:45 So I went to the nurseryto see if everything was okay, and鈥?
2106 01:30:49 she kicked her blanket off, so I fixed it.
2107 01:30:51 That woke her up.
2108 01:30:53 But as you can see,I got her back to sleep.
2109 01:30:56 (thunder rumbling softly)
2110 01:30:57 You know we pay a housekeeperto do the laundry, right?
2111 01:31:01 I like doing laundry.I never get the chance.
2112 01:31:05 Okay, I'm going to put her backin her little apartment now.
2113 01:31:09 You should come back to bed.
2114 01:31:10 I will.
2115 01:31:13 (exhales heavily)
2116 01:31:17 鈥淒o you think I'd call himand go crawling back?鈥?
2117 01:31:20 鈥淲hat? Do you think I'd swallow my pride?鈥?
2118 01:31:23 鈥淒o you think I'd call and go crawling鈥︹€?
2119 01:31:26 -(thunder rumbling softly)-(sighs heavily)
2120 01:31:29 (inhales sharply)
2121 01:31:30 鈾?鈾?
2122 01:31:35 (whispers): 鈥淲hat? Do you thinkI'd swallow my pride like that?鈥?
2123 01:31:56 鈾?鈾?
2124 01:32:23 鈾?鈾?
2125 01:32:50 鈾?鈾?
2126 01:33:05 -WILLIAM: Lucy?-LUCILLE: Over here.
2127 01:33:07 Thanks, Bobby.
2128 01:33:08 BOBBY:You got it, Bill.
2129 01:33:10 WILLIAM:(sighs) What the hell?
2130 01:33:12 LUCILLE:Thanks for coming down.
2131 01:33:15 -It's 2:00 in the morning.-Sorry about that.
2132 01:33:20 Kid, what's going on?
2133 01:33:21 I'm gonna restage the dinner scene.
2134 01:33:23 Let's go to my dressing roomand call Desi.
2135 01:33:26 No, Desi's at home with the baby.We can do this.
2136 01:33:29 -Does he know you're here?-He's sleeping.
2137 01:33:31 Let me take you home.
2138 01:33:34 -Is that him?-That's Viv.
2139 01:33:36 You called her, too?
2140 01:33:38 -I'm restaging the dinner scene.-(car door opens, closes)
2141 01:33:41 This isn't for beginners, you know.This isn't school.
2142 01:33:43 I don't hire the directors.
2143 01:33:45 I know. I'm just saying.
2144 01:33:48 -VIVIAN: What's happening here?-Thanks for coming, Viv.
2145 01:33:50 -Is everything all right?-WILLIAM: The three of us
2146 01:33:53 are on an empty soundstageat 2:00 in the morning,
2147 01:33:55 she's drunk, I'm not.
2148 01:33:57 So, yeah, everything's great.Why do you ask?
2149 01:33:59 Your call just said to come to the stage,that it was an emergency.
2150 01:34:01 -So I鈥?-We need to re-block the dinner scene.
2151 01:34:03 It's not gonna take long.
2152 01:34:05 -What?-You heard her right.
2153 01:34:06 It won't take long.We just need to make an adjustment.
2154 01:34:11 Two people who are fightinghave to share a seat at a dinner table.
2155 01:34:15 First thing, we take this, move it upstageso the camera can see you.
2156 01:34:21 Now, this can't just bea mishmash of pushing.
2157 01:34:24 Can't just be a scrum.
2158 01:34:27 Each move has to be articulate.
2159 01:34:29 So Ethel elbows Fred.
2160 01:34:31 Elbow him.
2161 01:34:32 (audience laughter)
2162 01:34:34 Fred elbows Ethel a little harder.
2163 01:34:36 -Ow!-(audience laughter)
2164 01:34:37 Ethel elbows Fred harder.
2165 01:34:39 -Hey!-Then Fred.
2166 01:34:42 Now hit each other at the same timeand fall off the chair.
2167 01:34:45 (audience laughter, clapping)
2168 01:34:47 That's that.
2169 01:34:48 Let's run it a couple of times at speed.Hmm?
2170 01:34:53 Did something happen?
2171 01:34:54 -I'm sorry?-At home.
2172 01:34:57 -Did something just happen?-Uh鈥?(exhales)
2173 01:34:59 No. I was, um鈥?
2174 01:35:03 No.
2175 01:35:05 I was doing some laundry and鈥?
2176 01:35:07 No.
2177 01:35:11 Yeah. (sniffs) Yeah.
2178 01:35:14 I wanted to fix this beat.
2179 01:35:15 I鈥?(exhales heavily) I couldn't sleep.
2180 01:35:23 It's like when you're not sureif you've left the oven unlocked.
2181 01:35:26 -Door unlocked. Nothing.-(fingers snap)
2182 01:35:28 I wanted to fix this beat.
2183 01:35:29 Let's do it again.
2184 01:35:37 You know I did this showso Desi and I could be together?
2185 01:35:40 鈾?鈾?
2186 01:35:42 I had no idea it was gonna be a hit.
2187 01:35:47 I just thought,鈥淲ell, the construction department's gonna
2188 01:35:49 build us a little apartment, andthat's where we'll live most of the time.鈥?
2189 01:35:52 You know?
2190 01:35:57 And it worked out.
2191 01:35:59 This is where鈥?
2192 01:36:08 It's like a storyyou'd read a little girl.
2193 01:36:11 A witch puts a curse on a woman.
2194 01:36:13 She'll be adored by the man she loves,
2195 01:36:17 but only as long as she stays on this鈥?
2196 01:36:20 (whispers):patch of ground.
2197 01:36:23 (chuckles softly)
2198 01:36:26 It's still a lot morethan most people get.
2199 01:36:34 Let's run it at speed.
2200 01:36:38 I'm gonna drive you home.
2201 01:36:39 -Let me take鈥?-I am the biggest asset
2202 01:36:42 in the portfolio ofthe Columbia Broadcasting System,
2203 01:36:45 the biggest asset in the portfolioof Philip Morris tobacco, Westinghouse.
2204 01:36:51 I get paid a fortuneto do exactly what I love doing.
2205 01:36:54 I work side by side with my husband,who is genuinely impressed by me.
2206 01:37:00 And all I have to do to keep it is killevery week for 36 weeks in a row,
2207 01:37:04 and then do it again the next year.
2208 01:37:07 Kill.
2209 01:37:09 So let's do it again.
2210 01:37:12 鈾?鈾?
2211 01:37:23 OLDER MADELYN:After RKO dropped Lucy's contract,
2212 01:37:25 MGM had her in for a Technicolor test,
2213 01:37:28 which she didn't know yet would be one ofthe most important moments in her life.
2214 01:37:34 A man named Sydney Guilaroffwas Metro's chief hair stylist.
2215 01:37:38 Looked at Lucy and said, 鈥淭he hairis brown but the soul is on fire.鈥?
2216 01:37:45 He dyed her hair a new color.
2217 01:37:47 -(indistinct chatter)-Quiet, please.
2218 01:37:48 (band playing lively theme music)
2219 01:37:50 It's time for My Favorite Husband,starring Lucille Ball.
2220 01:37:53 (applause)
2221 01:37:54 Jell-O, everybody!
2222 01:38:00 ANNOUNCER:Yes, it's the gay family series,
2223 01:38:02 starring Lucille Ballwith Richard Denning,
2224 01:38:04 transcribed and brought to youby the Jell-O family of desserts.
2225 01:38:07 -鈾?J-E-L-L-Oh! 鈾?-(band playing jingle)
2226 01:38:10 鈾?The big red lettersstand for the Jell-O family 鈾?
2227 01:38:14 鈾?Oh, the big red letters stand forthe Jell-O family 鈾?
2228 01:38:18 -鈾?That's Jell-O 鈾?-鈾?Yum, yum, yum 鈾?
2229 01:38:19 -鈾?Jell-O puddings 鈾?-鈾?Yum, yum, yum. 鈾?
2230 01:38:21 (jingle ends)
2231 01:38:23 ANNOUNCER:And now, Lucille Ball with Richard Denning
2232 01:38:25 as Liz and George Cooper,two people who live together and like it.
2233 01:38:29 -(light music playing)-As we look in on the Coopers,
2234 01:38:31 it's a beautiful spring dayand Liz is just going to the kitchen
2235 01:38:33 -to talk to Katy, the maid.-(birds chirping)
2236 01:38:35 -Oh, Katy?-Yes, Mrs. Cooper?
2237 01:38:38 Katy, I've got some good news for you.
2238 01:38:40 -Uh-oh.-鈥淯h-oh鈥?
2239 01:38:42 What do you mean, 鈥淯h-oh鈥?
2240 01:38:43 I say I've got some good newsand you say, 鈥淯h-oh鈥?
2241 01:38:46 (audience laughter)
2242 01:38:48 Every time you say you've got good news,it's usually good for you and bad for me.
2243 01:38:54 Oh, well鈥?
2244 01:38:57 that's a little true.
2245 01:38:59 (audience laughter)
2246 01:39:04 -(knocking)-JESS: Lucy?
2247 01:39:06 Come on in.
2248 01:39:09 That was a good show.
2249 01:39:11 Yeah, I thought so, too.
2250 01:39:13 Pass it on to Maddie and Bob, would you?
2251 01:39:15 Mm-hmm. I've, uh, I got two gentlemenout here who'd like to meet you,
2252 01:39:18 and you're gonna want to hearwhat they have to say.
2253 01:39:20 Does it need to sound ominous?Can't they just come in?
2254 01:39:22 (chuckles softly)
2255 01:39:24 Yeah. Please, come in.
2256 01:39:28 -Lucille Ball.-Yes, sir.
2257 01:39:30 David Levy,head of comedy development, CBS.
2258 01:39:33 David Hart,head of current programming, CBS.
2259 01:39:35 Well, David and David,
2260 01:39:38 I've been in a current comedy at CBSand I've never heard of either of you.
2261 01:39:41 CBS Television.
2262 01:39:43 CBS does television?
2263 01:39:45 -Yeah. Edward R. Murrow is one of our t鈥?-I was kidding.
2264 01:39:48 -Understood.-That was funny.
2265 01:39:49 Thank you.
2266 01:39:50 These, uh, these menhave an interesting idea.
2267 01:39:53 LEVY: Lucy, we've been hereto the show a few times now.
2268 01:39:55 We noticed that when you do the show,you use gestures and expressions.
2269 01:39:58 You mean the acting?
2270 01:40:00 Yeah.
2271 01:40:01 My face, my body, my voice,that's all I get to work with.
2272 01:40:04 It's just unusual because it's radio.
2273 01:40:06 I watched Jack Benny.
2274 01:40:07 He plays it for the studio audience.
2275 01:40:10 It works pretty well for him.
2276 01:40:12 It does.
2277 01:40:13 And it works pretty well for you, too.Very well.
2278 01:40:15 And we think it's a shamethat no one gets to see it.
2279 01:40:18 Invent a way to see what's on the radio.
2280 01:40:20 We did. It's television.
2281 01:40:23 -Are you here to sell me one?-JESS: Lucy.
2282 01:40:25 They want to putMy Favorite Husband on TV.
2283 01:40:31 鈾?鈾?
2284 01:40:36 -LUCILLE: I'm very interested.-(lively chatter)
2285 01:40:38 ROGER:That's great.
2286 01:40:39 LEVY:Is it too early to raise a glass?
2287 01:40:42 To My Favorite Husband.
2288 01:40:44 -LUCILLE: Yes.-(chuckles)
2289 01:40:45 Except I don't want to doMy Favorite Husband.
2290 01:40:49 -I'm confused.-Yeah, me, too.
2291 01:40:53 Don't panic. It's simple.
2292 01:40:54 I'm interested in the idea of doingMy Favorite Husband on television.
2293 01:40:57 I just want it to be a different show.
2294 01:41:00 (chuckles):What kind of show do you want it to be?
2295 01:41:03 One where Desi plays my husband.
2296 01:41:08 I understand there's a casting issue.
2297 01:41:11 -Was that to me?-Yes.
2298 01:41:13 I wasn't sure. You're quite a ways away.
2299 01:41:16 Our casting departmenthas come up with a list
2300 01:41:18 of very exciting namesthat we think you'll like.
2301 01:41:21 -Pass this down to Lucy.-These are all very funny men.
2302 01:41:23 I think we have mimeos for everyone.
2303 01:41:25 One of the best listsI've seen in a while.
2304 01:41:27 Number 12 died last week.
2305 01:41:28 -That's my fault.-There's no issue.
2306 01:41:30 What was that?
2307 01:41:32 I was answering Mr. Macy.
2308 01:41:34 There's no casting issue.
2309 01:41:35 I'm ready and eager to doa half-hour domestic comedy for CBS,
2310 01:41:39 if the role of my husband鈥?let's call him Shmezy鈥?is played by Desi.
2311 01:41:44 -Can I remark on this?-Please.
2312 01:41:46 On My Favorite Husband, your husbandis the fifth vice president of a bank.
2313 01:41:50 -Yes.-Can I ask you, in all candor,
2314 01:41:52 do you see Desias the fifth vice president of a bank?
2315 01:41:56 I can't see him beingthe fifth vice president of anything.
2316 01:41:59 I can see him owning the bank.
2317 01:42:01 You see the problem?
2318 01:42:02 I see what you think is the problem.
2319 01:42:05 -MACY: Lucy.-Yes.
2320 01:42:06 I don't ordinarily cometo meetings like this.
2321 01:42:08 This meeting is several floors belowmy general interest.
2322 01:42:13 I'm here to deliver a hard truth.
2323 01:42:17 We cannot have an all-American girlmarried to a man who isn't American.
2324 01:42:23 He is American.
2325 01:42:25 He was a sergeant in the U.S. Armyand he served in the war.
2326 01:42:29 You know exactly what I mean, Lucy.
2327 01:42:32 -He's Spanish.-Still no.
2328 01:42:34 He's never been to Spain in his life.
2329 01:42:35 He speaks Spanish. He was born in Cuba.
2330 01:42:37 His father was the mayor of Santiago,Cuba's second largest city.
2331 01:42:41 -You know exactly what鈥?-What you mean? Yes.
2332 01:42:43 I do.
2333 01:42:44 Look, I'm not hereto get a job for my nephew.
2334 01:42:47 Desi Arnaz is a phenomenally talented man.
2335 01:42:50 Not just a world-class musician,but a very good actor
2336 01:42:52 who would be a movie star if there wassuch a thing as a Cuban movie star.
2337 01:42:56 Moreover, we work very well together.
2338 01:42:59 I go out and meet him when he's touring,he brings me up for some sketches,
2339 01:43:02 and it works.
2340 01:43:03 -Jess?-Yeah, it works.
2341 01:43:05 Any cultural differenceswill make for good comedy.
2342 01:43:08 Am I right, Jess?
2343 01:43:09 You're not wrong.
2344 01:43:10 Now, I don't want to takeanother meeting like this
2345 01:43:12 'cause I don't know how many more peoplewill fit around the table.
2346 01:43:14 My position is not gonna change.
2347 01:43:17 You want me on television?
2348 01:43:18 There is only one television showthat I'm willing to do.
2349 01:43:21 So, what's it gonna be?
2350 01:43:24 (sighs softly)
2351 01:43:27 (band playing I Love Lucy theme)
2352 01:43:37 (lively chatter)
2353 01:43:50 All right, holding. Get Des.
2354 01:43:57 -(music ends)-(applause)
2355 01:44:00 (applause continues in distance)
2356 01:44:03 We think it's about 15 minutes.
2357 01:44:06 -You think?-We're holding for something.
2358 01:44:07 -I'm not sure what.-Okay, thanks.
2359 01:44:10 Holding?
2360 01:44:13 (knocking)
2361 01:44:14 Yeah, come in.
2362 01:44:17 (sighs)
2363 01:44:20 -Can I have a second?-Sure.
2364 01:44:23 -(footsteps receding)-(band playing in distance)
2365 01:44:27 I think I know why you want to see me.
2366 01:44:29 -Do you?-Hear me out.
2367 01:44:31 I asked you to do me a favor, Jess.
2368 01:44:32 -I asked you to give him an E.P. credit.-Mm-hmm.
2369 01:44:34 Instead, you tried to convince him he wasthe title character or some bullshit.
2370 01:44:38 What the hell was that?!
2371 01:44:39 -I'm sorry if he was insulted.-(sighs)
2372 01:44:40 I mean, I know he's insulted,so I'm sorry.
2373 01:44:42 He wasn't insulted.He was laughing about it.
2374 01:44:45 But, yeah, he's insulted.
2375 01:44:46 No, he's offended. I'm insulted.
2376 01:44:48 -I asked you to do me a small favor.-Yeah.
2377 01:44:51 And it's not likeyou don't owe me a couple.
2378 01:44:53 (sighs)
2379 01:44:55 It wasn't a small favor.
2380 01:44:57 And I don't know what you think I owe you.
2381 01:44:59 -Really?-It wasn't a small favor.
2382 01:45:01 -You asked me to save your marriage.-No, I鈥?
2383 01:45:04 And-and it's not the first timeyou've asked me to do that, is it?
2384 01:45:06 I asked you to give himan E.P. credit, that's all.
2385 01:45:09 Oh, no problem.Can my wife play Lucy once in a while?
2386 01:45:11 If your wife played Lucy once in a while,
2387 01:45:13 I would think it appropriateshe be so credited.
2388 01:45:16 And what do you meanit's not the first time
2389 01:45:17 -I asked you to save my marriage?-(scoffs)
2390 01:45:19 (imitating Lucille): 鈥淛ess, Jess,we'll have Desi play my husband.
2391 01:45:21 -It'll save my marriage.鈥?-Was that supposed to be me?
2392 01:45:23 -Yeah, yeah.-Don't do voices.
2393 01:45:25 Oh, are you insulted? Desi's offended?
2394 01:45:27 You asked me to give away my job titlelike it was a parking spot!
2395 01:45:29 You're right.
2396 01:45:31 -I'm sorry!-Jesus Christ, Lucy!
2397 01:45:32 Sometimes I think that you鈥?
2398 01:45:37 Wait, what?
2399 01:45:40 You're right. I'm sorry.
2400 01:45:42 I was dead wrong.
2401 01:45:43 I wasn't expecting that.
2402 01:45:45 -I know.-Have you ever said that to me before?
2403 01:45:47 I doubt it, but鈥?
2404 01:45:49 I've thought it, if that means anything.
2405 01:45:51 It does.
2406 01:45:54 It's just beena compound fracture of a week.
2407 01:45:59 Hey.
2408 01:46:01 -Why are we holding?-I'm not sure.
2409 01:46:03 We're holding. Someone has to know why.
2410 01:46:05 -He's-he's coming.-(knocking)
2411 01:46:07 -(sighs)-Come in.
2412 01:46:09 Desi's asking to see you in his office.
2413 01:46:12 -You mean in his dressing room?-No, he's in his office
2414 01:46:14 with some CBS executivesand some men from Philip Morris.
2415 01:46:19 Why is he in his office at showtime?
2416 01:46:24 鈾?鈾?
2417 01:46:28 The evening editions just came out.
2418 01:46:34 Listen to me.
2419 01:46:36 Memorize this.
2420 01:46:38 鈥淚t's none of your fucking business.鈥?
2421 01:46:44 There.
2422 01:46:45 Let that be the best thing I ever wrote.
2423 01:46:54 Nah.
2424 01:46:55 It's still 鈥淰itameatavegamin.鈥?
2425 01:47:00 (sighs)
2426 01:47:05 (hushed chatter)
2427 01:47:10 (chatter quiets)
2428 01:47:15 (clears throat)
2429 01:47:19 DESI:The evening edition.
2430 01:47:25 -It's all right.-(sighs)
2431 01:47:26 It's all right.
2432 01:47:29 (exhales sharply)
2433 01:47:30 It's in four-inch type.
2434 01:47:32 I'm gonna fix this.
2435 01:47:34 That's Hindenburg type.
2436 01:47:36 I've already made the calls.
2437 01:47:38 -And they used red ink.-Yeah.
2438 01:47:40 I didn't even know newspapers had red ink.
2439 01:47:42 I guess they do.
2440 01:47:43 I was cleared.
2441 01:47:46 Somehow, the city editor,a woman named Agness Underwood,
2442 01:47:49 has a photostatic copy of the affidavitshowing you registered in 1936
2443 01:47:54 as a voter intending to affiliatewith the Communist Party.
2444 01:47:56 But I was cleared.
2445 01:47:58 After the testimony,they stamped 鈥渃anceled鈥?on the card,
2446 01:48:00 and I saw the card.
2447 01:48:01 Other papers areshowing the canceled card.
2448 01:48:02 They're running a caption that says,鈥淣ote the cancellation at left.鈥?
2449 01:48:05 But the Herald-Express took the word鈥渃anceled鈥?out of the document altogether.
2450 01:48:10 Other papers?
2451 01:48:11 Yes, yes, but I've-I've made callsand we are taking care of this.
2452 01:48:14 -We鈥?Eh?-Calls to who?
2453 01:48:16 Every reporter within 20 minutesof this soundstage.
2454 01:48:18 That's why we're holding.
2455 01:48:20 -You're saying reporters are coming here?-Yeah.
2456 01:48:22 We'll seat them in the backof the bleachers.
2457 01:48:24 You think we're still filming a show?
2458 01:48:26 Why are none of you talking?
2459 01:48:29 Desi has an idea.
2460 01:48:30 I'm going to warm up the audiencethe way I always do,
2461 01:48:34 except instead of 鈥淐uban Pete鈥?and the joke about the turtle,
2462 01:48:38 I'm going to tell them what happened.
2463 01:48:40 I'm going to explainthat you checked the wrong box,
2464 01:48:44 I'm going to show themthe canceled document,
2465 01:48:47 and then I'm going to bring you out
2466 01:48:49 so the press sees themgive you a round of applause.
2467 01:48:52 Yes.
2468 01:48:54 Hmm?
2469 01:48:57 Fellas, can we, um鈥?
2470 01:48:59 have the room for just a moment?
2471 01:49:14 You're not telling these peoplethat I checked the wrong box.
2472 01:49:18 This is a critical moment, Lucy.
2473 01:49:20 -If I'm gonna die鈥?-You're not.
2474 01:49:22 鈥 would rather die standing up.
2475 01:49:24 (scoffs) I don't have any ideawhat that is suppo鈥?
2476 01:49:26 I'm not an idiot.I didn't check the wrong box.
2477 01:49:27 You saw the headline.
2478 01:49:28 -You can see the headlinefrom outer space. -Then please鈥?
2479 01:49:31 Grandpa Fred raised mefrom when I was age four.
2480 01:49:35 He cared about the little guy.He cared about workers' rights.
2481 01:49:38 It was a tribute to him,and to say that I checked the wrong鈥?
2482 01:49:41 Grandpa Fred, Grandpa Fred.
2483 01:49:42 Grandpa Fred was wrong, Lucy!
2484 01:49:45 Yes, he didn't tell you the partwhere they throw your father in prison
2485 01:49:49 for the crimeof being the mayor of a city.
2486 01:49:51 I was chased to this country, Lucy!
2487 01:49:55 Believe me, you checked the wrong box!
2488 01:50:00 And if they don't applaud?
2489 01:50:03 They will.And the press will write that they did.
2490 01:50:09 You're gonna tell them I was accused of鈥?
2491 01:50:11 They're going to read itin the morning anyway.
2492 01:50:14 We have a sample populationof 200 people on our stage, so鈥?
2493 01:50:17 Miss Rosen!
2494 01:50:19 If they boo me?
2495 01:50:23 If they boo you鈥?
2496 01:50:27 鈥hen we're done.
2497 01:50:29 -Here, tonight.-(door opens)
2498 01:50:38 Call this man.
2499 01:50:41 Tell them it's for me.
2500 01:50:44 They'll find him.
2501 01:50:46 He's expecting my call.
2502 01:50:48 Tell me when you have him.
2503 01:50:49 ROSEN:Yes, sir.
2504 01:50:52 (door closes)
2505 01:50:58 (rumba music playing faintly)
2506 01:51:02 (music continues inside)
2507 01:51:09 Someone said they spotted yougoing out here.
2508 01:51:13 (sighs)
2509 01:51:17 I was just told.
2510 01:51:18 (sighs)
2511 01:51:20 Jesus, Lulu. Four-inch type?
2512 01:51:23 Red ink.
2513 01:51:27 I shouldn't have piled on this week.
2514 01:51:29 It just鈥?
2515 01:51:32 What?
2516 01:51:34 None of that matters right now.
2517 01:51:39 May be the last time we're out here.
2518 01:51:41 Say it.
2519 01:51:43 (sighs)
2520 01:51:47 Lucy Ricardo is married to a mansix years younger than she is,
2521 01:51:50 and Ethel is married to her grandfather,and it's understood,
2522 01:51:54 as the underlying premisefor a running joke,
2523 01:51:57 that I'm not pretty enough for him.
2524 01:51:59 (clicks tongue)
2525 01:52:02 It got to me.
2526 01:52:04 And at the world's worst time.
2527 01:52:13 That was a knockout dress.
2528 01:52:16 (chuckles)
2529 01:52:19 Oh. You two want to be alone out here?
2530 01:52:21 -No.-Yes.
2531 01:52:22 (Madelyn chuckles)
2532 01:52:28 (Madelyn sighs)
2533 01:52:32 You're my hero.
2534 01:52:35 I care about what works, Maddie.
2535 01:52:37 鈾?鈾?
2536 01:52:39 I care about what's funny.
2537 01:52:42 I don't see myself caring about awoman's perspective from a new generation.
2538 01:52:47 I care about you.
2539 01:52:52 I'd love for someoneto bring me breakfast.
2540 01:52:54 -That's not what we were talking about.-(chuckles)
2541 01:52:58 Doesn't a P.A.bring you breakfast every day?
2542 01:53:01 -Yes.-Okay.
2543 01:53:03 Never French toast.
2544 01:53:04 -We'll look into that.-I came out here
2545 01:53:07 to try to distract you with nonsense,but I assume these two beat me to it.
2546 01:53:11 Viv doesn't like the jokesabout Ethel being unappealing.
2547 01:53:15 Yeah, there's no one within the soundof her voice who doesn't know that.
2548 01:53:18 I said what I felt.
2549 01:53:21 You've been saying what you feltsince the first day of work.
2550 01:53:24 It's not like you've suddenlygiven voice to your feelings.
2551 01:53:29 You know what?
2552 01:53:33 Sweet ladies?
2553 01:53:38 Something dies inside a man鈥?
2554 01:53:41 鈥t just dies鈥?
2555 01:53:46 鈥he first timehe hears a girl call him old.
2556 01:53:53 So on the subject ofJess, Bob and Madelyn writing Ethel jokes,
2557 01:53:58 I'm indifferent.
2558 01:54:00 (groans) You two鈥?
2559 01:54:06 鈥re good actors.
2560 01:54:10 It's a privilege doing this show with you.
2561 01:54:13 Now you're scaring the shit out of me.
2562 01:54:15 I was just gonna say.
2563 01:54:16 LUCILLE:Desi's gonna tell the audience.
2564 01:54:18 He's invited press.
2565 01:54:19 He's betting that the audiencewill accept the truth,
2566 01:54:21 give their approval,and the press will write about it.
2567 01:54:30 I'd take the other side of that bet.
2568 01:54:32 -(door opens)-P.A.: Excuse me.
2569 01:54:33 Sorry.Mr. Arnaz is ready to do the warm-up.
2570 01:54:35 Uh, they told me you wanted to know.
2571 01:54:38 LUCILLE:Thank you.
2572 01:54:43 All right. (clears throat)
2573 01:54:47 See you out there.
2574 01:54:53 -Good show.-Good show.
2575 01:54:55 WILLIAM:Good show.
2576 01:55:00 Luce.
2577 01:55:03 The dinner scene is inarguably better.
2578 01:55:10 (band playing lively music)
2579 01:55:13 (music continues)
2580 01:55:18 (indistinct chatter)
2581 01:55:29 (music ends)
2582 01:55:31 Now, ladies and gentlemen,give a warm welcome
2583 01:55:33 to one of the stars of I Love Lucy.
2584 01:55:36 -You know him as Ricky Ricardo.-(women gasping)
2585 01:55:38 Here's Desi Arnaz!
2586 01:55:41 -(applause)-(band plays bright riff)
2587 01:55:43 Thank you.
2588 01:55:44 Oh, thank you.
2589 01:55:45 (people shouting 鈥淒esi!")
2590 01:55:48 Thank you. Thank you.
2591 01:55:51 Thank you very much. (sighs)
2592 01:55:54 Usually, right now, I'd be doingthe final audience warm-up.
2593 01:55:56 I'd tell you an old joke about a turtle.
2594 01:55:58 -(laughter)-And I'd point out
2595 01:56:00 our groundbreaking camera systemthat allows the studio audience
2596 01:56:03 to watch the show unobstructedand introduce you to the rest of the cast.
2597 01:56:08 I'm not doing that tonight,and here's why.
2598 01:56:12 Last week, my wife, Lucille Ball,
2599 01:56:16 was asked to testifyin front of a closed session
2600 01:56:19 of the HouseUn-American Activities Committee.
2601 01:56:23 (audience murmuring)
2602 01:56:24 Yes, the congressmenwho investigate Communism.
2603 01:56:29 After hours of testimony,the committee concluded unambiguously
2604 01:56:34 that Lucy was and is in no wayinvolved with the Communist Party.
2605 01:56:38 So everything's swell, right?
2606 01:56:40 No.
2607 01:56:42 Because this is the evening editionheadline in the Herald-Express.
2608 01:56:48 (audience gasping, murmuring)
2609 01:56:54 鈾?鈾?
2610 01:57:02 So鈥?(clears throat)
2611 01:57:03 I made some phone calls.
2612 01:57:05 I called the editor of the Herald-Express.
2613 01:57:07 I called the chairman of the committee.
2614 01:57:10 I called all the members of the committee.
2615 01:57:13 And I made one more call to someone,and I believe he's still on the line.
2616 01:57:16 Thank you.
2617 01:57:18 Are you still with me, sir?
2618 01:57:20 MAN (on phone, amplified):Yes.
2619 01:57:22 I'm now standing in front of astudio audience in Hollywood, California,
2620 01:57:26 and we are joined bya number of members of the press.
2621 01:57:29 MAN:That's fine.
2622 01:57:32 We want to know, sir, does the FBIhave any case against Lucy?
2623 01:57:36 Does the FBI have any evidenceof wrongdoing?
2624 01:57:41 Does the FBI have any reason to believethat Lucille Ball is a Communist?
2625 01:57:47 No. Absolutely nothing.
2626 01:57:49 -She's 100% clear.-(audience murmuring)
2627 01:57:52 Thank you, sir. One more question.
2628 01:57:54 Will you tell us your name please?
2629 01:57:55 This is J. Edgar Hoover.
2630 01:57:57 -(audience gasping)-DESI: Thank you, sir.
2631 01:57:59 Enjoy your evening.
2632 01:58:00 (applause)
2633 01:58:07 Ladies and gentlemen,please welcome my wife
2634 01:58:11 and the star of I Love Lucy, Lucille Ball!
2635 01:58:13 (audience cheering)
2636 01:58:15 鈾?鈾?
2637 01:58:34 (cheering continues)
2638 01:58:47 So enjoy the show!
2639 01:58:51 -(band playing I Love Lucy theme)-(applause)
2640 01:59:02 -(sighing)-(music, applause continue in distance)
2641 01:59:05 (footsteps approaching)
2642 01:59:07 It's all over!
2643 01:59:09 Thank you.
2644 01:59:10 -It's over now.-Thank you.
2645 01:59:12 They love you.
2646 01:59:13 I love you.
2647 01:59:15 No one's gonna mess with you ever, Lucy.
2648 01:59:18 I thought they were gonna boo.
2649 01:59:20 (laughs) You want to do a show?
2650 01:59:22 Have you been cheating on me?
2651 01:59:25 -What?-Have you been cheating on me?
2652 01:59:27 -(laughs) Is this a bit?-No.
2653 01:59:30 No, I haven't been.
2654 01:59:31 When you stay out all night,you're on the boat playing cards?
2655 01:59:34 -Yes.-You haven't been with anybody else?
2656 01:59:36 -What's going on with you, honey?-Don't gaslight me.
2657 01:59:38 Where did this come from?
2658 01:59:39 I mean, they just cheeredfor you out there.
2659 01:59:42 They got it right, didn't they?
2660 01:59:43 -Lucy鈥?-They only got the picture wrong.
2661 01:59:46 -Luc鈥?-Did they get it right?
2662 01:59:48 -Lucy鈥?-Did they get it exactly right?
2663 01:59:50 Jesus Christ, I just proved out therethat the Herald-Express got it wrong.
2664 01:59:55 You think Confidential magazine鈥?
2665 01:59:57 Conf鈥?We're about to do a show.
2666 02:00:00 -(whispers): Just tell me.-Tell me why you think鈥?
2667 02:00:01 other than that garbage鈥?
2668 02:00:04 tell me why you think I've cheated on you.
2669 02:00:10 That is your lipstick.
2670 02:00:13 Remember? You kissed meat the beginning of the week,
2671 02:00:16 and then took my handkerchiefand wiped the lipstick off
2672 02:00:18 and put it back in my pocket.
2673 02:00:19 And you said you'd never done that before.
2674 02:00:21 I hadn't.
2675 02:00:22 Then what the hell are we talking about?
2676 02:00:25 This is my lipstick.
2677 02:00:28 (chuckles softly)
2678 02:00:29 鈾?鈾?
2679 02:00:43 They were just call girls.
2680 02:00:45 Hmm.
2681 02:00:49 They're hookers.
2682 02:00:50 (exhales heavily)
2683 02:00:57 It doesn't mean anything, Lucy.
2684 02:01:01 -Look, Lucy, it doesn't mean鈥?-Mm.
2685 02:01:03 Let's do the show. Yeah?
2686 02:01:04 Let's just forget about thisfor a half hour.
2687 02:01:06 Yeah? Let's do the show.
2688 02:01:07 Jim, let's go!
2689 02:01:10 -It's not gonna get better than this.-Copy that.
2690 02:01:13 -All right, everybody!-Let's do a show!
2691 02:01:15 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:This is places for scene 鈥淎鈥?
2692 02:01:17 -MAN 1: Scene 鈥淎鈥?-MAN 2: Scene 鈥淎,鈥?places!
2693 02:01:19 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:Okay, positions, everyone.
2694 02:01:21 -Cameras up.-Cameras up.
2695 02:01:22 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:Quiet on set. Bell!
2696 02:01:24 (soundstage bell rings)
2697 02:01:25 -Quiet please!-Quiet please!
2698 02:01:26 Picture's up!
2699 02:01:28 -Picture's up.-Quiet, everyone!
2700 02:01:30 -Let's roll sound.-Rolling! -Rolling!
2701 02:01:32 -Sound speed.-And mark.
2702 02:01:33 -Speed mark.-Dolly.
2703 02:01:35 Settle. And action.
2704 02:01:38 OLDER MADELYN:It ended up being a good show that night.
2705 02:01:41 We did both versions of the opening,
2706 02:01:44 but it was the original versionthat made it on the air,
2707 02:01:46 the one with all the names.
2708 02:01:47 You must've gotten a copyof the 鈥淏鈥?negative,
2709 02:01:51 'cause your original question was鈥?
2710 02:01:52 For the record, I won my bet with Desi.
2711 02:01:55 CBS wouldn't let us usethe word 鈥減regnant.鈥?
2712 02:01:59 But more people watchedthe birth of Little Ricky
2713 02:02:01 than had ever watcheda television program before.
2714 02:02:05 Your original question?
2715 02:02:07 You asked about why Lucy stoppedwhen we were doing the alt.
2716 02:02:10 The alternate version.
2717 02:02:11 We were doing Lucy's versionof Ricky's entrance first.
2718 02:02:14 She was doing the bit with the flowers,
2719 02:02:16 which we couldn't use'cause we were running long.
2720 02:02:21 (audience laughter)
2721 02:02:27 She takes a pitcherand pours water into the vase鈥?
2722 02:02:31 Which makes all the flowerscome up to the surface.
2723 02:02:37 (audience laughter)
2724 02:02:44 It seemed like she just got lostin her own head for a second.
2725 02:02:47 I can't remember what her cue was.
2726 02:02:49 It may have been the only timeshe ever went up on a line.
2727 02:02:52 I can't remember the first line, but we鈥?
2728 02:02:55 we had to stop and go again.
2729 02:02:56 It was Desi's line.
2730 02:02:58 It was the new bit Lucy put in.
2731 02:03:01 (chuckles):What was his line?
2732 02:03:03 Lucy, I'm home!
2733 02:03:06 (audience laughter)
2734 02:03:11 鈾?鈾?
2735 02:03:31 (chuckles softly)
2736 02:03:35 Sorry.
2737 02:03:36 -I got lost for a second.-(audience chuckles)
2738 02:03:38 DONALD:All right, let's cut and go again.
2739 02:03:40 We never went back to doanother take of the alternate opening.
2740 02:03:44 Lucy just wanted to move on.
2741 02:03:46 鈾?鈾?
2742 02:03:55 (audience laughter)
2743 02:04:00 -Oh!-Guess who it is.
2744 02:04:02 Bill? Sam?
2745 02:04:05 -Pat?-No.
2746 02:04:07 -(audience laughter)-Pedro? Pablo?
2747 02:04:11 Jose?
2748 02:04:12 No, it's me.
2749 02:04:13 -Ah, yes, of course.-(laughter continues)
2750 02:04:16 -Uh鈥?-Very, very funny.
2751 02:04:19 -鈾?鈾?-Hey, company for dinner?
2752 02:04:21 Who is it?
2753 02:04:22 How do you likethe new water glasses, Ricky?
2754 02:04:24 Who's coming for dinner, Lucy?
2755 02:04:26 Doesn't the table look beautiful tonight?
2756 02:04:29 -Lucy, who is it?-Some people.
2757 02:04:32 鈾?鈾?
2758 02:04:51 鈾?鈾?
2759 02:05:23 鈾?鈾?
2760 02:05:55 鈾?鈾?
2761 02:06:27 鈾?鈾?
2762 02:06:53 (music fades)
2763 02:06:56 (鈥淐uban Pete鈥?playing)
2764 02:07:01 鈾?They call me Cuban Pete 鈾?
2765 02:07:04 鈾?I'm the king of the rumba beat 鈾?
2766 02:07:06 鈾?When I play the maracas, I go 鈾?
2767 02:07:08 鈾?Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom 鈾?
2768 02:07:11 鈾?Yes, sir, I'm Cuban Pete 鈾?
2769 02:07:13 鈾?I'm the craze of my native street 鈾?
2770 02:07:15 鈾?When I start to dance, everything goes 鈾?
2771 02:07:17 鈾?Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom 鈾?
2772 02:07:20 鈾?The se帽oritas, they singand how they swing with this rumbero 鈾?
2773 02:07:24 鈾?It's very nice 鈾?
2774 02:07:27 鈾?So full of spice 鈾?
2775 02:07:29 鈾?And when they're dancing 鈾?
2776 02:07:30 鈾?They bring a happy ring, the maraquero 鈾?
2777 02:07:34 鈾?Singing a song 鈾?
2778 02:07:36 鈾?All the day long 鈾?
2779 02:07:38 鈾?So if you like the beat 鈾?
2780 02:07:40 鈾?Take a lesson from Cuban Pete 鈾?
2781 02:07:43 鈾?And I'll teach youto chick chicky boom 鈾?
2782 02:07:44 鈾?Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom 鈾?
2783 02:07:47 鈾?S铆, se帽orita 鈾?
2784 02:07:48 鈾?I know that you wouldlike to chicky boom chick 鈾?
2785 02:07:52 鈾?Because it's the dance 鈾?
2786 02:07:54 鈾?Of Latin romance 鈾?
2787 02:07:56 鈾?And Cuban Pete doesn't teach youin a hurry like Arthur Murray 鈾?
2788 02:08:01 鈾?I come from Havana 鈾?
2789 02:08:03 鈾?And there's always ma帽ana 鈾?
2790 02:08:06 鈾?So, se帽orita, please 鈾?
2791 02:08:08 鈾?Take it easy, do it with ease 鈾?
2792 02:08:10 鈾?And you'll love itwhen you do the chick 鈾?
2793 02:08:12 -鈾?Chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom. 鈾?-(song ends)
2794 02:08:17 鈾?鈾?
2795 02:08:49 鈾?鈾?
2796 02:09:21 鈾?鈾?
2797 02:09:53 鈾?鈾?
2798 02:10:25 鈾?鈾?
2799 02:10:57 鈾?鈾?
2800 02:11:07 (music fades)