我想结束这一切 I’m Thinking of Ending Things(2020)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:51 I'm thinking of ending things.
2 00:00:53 Once this thought arrives, it stays.
3 00:00:56 It sticks, it lingers, it dominates.
4 00:00:59 There's not much I can do about it, trust me.
5 00:01:02 It doesn't go away.
6 00:01:03 It's there whether I like it or not.
7 00:01:05 It's there when I eat, when I go to bed.
8 00:01:07 It's there when I sleep, when I wake up.
9 00:01:09 It's always there. Always.
10 00:01:13 I haven't been thinking about it for long.
11 00:01:15 The idea is new.
12 00:01:17 But it feels old at the same time.
13 00:01:20 When did it start?
14 00:01:21 What if this thought wasn't conceived by me,
15 00:01:23 but planted in my mind, pre-developed.
16 00:01:26 Is an unspoken idea unoriginal?
17 00:01:29 Maybe I've actually known all along.
18 00:01:32 Maybe this is how it was always going to end.
19 00:01:36 Jake once said,
20 00:01:38 "Sometimes the thought is closer to the truth,
21 00:01:41 to reality, than an action.
22 00:01:44 You can say anything, you can do anything,
23 00:01:46 but you can't fake a thought."
24 00:01:48 The road is mostly empty.
25 00:01:51 It's quiet around here. Vacant.
26 00:01:54 More so than anticipated.
27 00:01:56 So much to see, but not many people.
28 00:01:58 Not many buildings or houses.
29 00:02:00 Sky. Trees, fields, fences.
30 00:02:04 The road and its gravel shoulders.
31 00:02:08 "You wanna stop for a coffee?" "I think I'm OK I say.
32 00:02:11 "Last chance we'll have before it becomes really farm-y."
33 00:02:15 I'm visiting Jake's parents for the first time.
34 00:02:18 Or I will be when we arrive.
35 00:02:20 Jake, my boyfriend.
36 00:02:22 He hasn't been my boyfriend for very long.
37 00:02:24 It's our first trip together.
38 00:02:26 Our first long drive.
39 00:02:28 So it's weird that I'm feeling nostalgic,
40 00:02:30 about our relationship, about him, about us.
41 00:02:34 I should be excited, looking forward to the first of many.
42 00:02:37 But I'm not. Not at all.
43 00:02:41 I've seen more barns on this drive than I've seen in years.
44 00:02:44 Maybe in my life.
45 00:02:46 They all look the same.
46 00:02:47 Some cows, some horses, sheep, fields.
47 00:02:50 And barns.
48 00:02:52 Such a big sky.
49 00:02:56 Feels like I've known Jake longer than I have.
50 00:03:00 What has it been?
51 00:03:02 Oh, a month?
52 00:03:03 Six weeks, maybe seven.
53 00:03:05 I should know exactly. I'll say seven weeks.
54 00:03:12 The assumptions are right.
55 00:03:14 I can feel my fear growing. Now is the...
56 00:03:16 We have a real connection. A rare and intense attachment.
57 00:03:21 I've never experienced anything like it.
58 00:03:25 ...Growing. Now is the time for the answer. Just one question.
59 00:03:29 One question to answer.
60 00:03:36 It's snowing!
61 00:03:37 Winter is comin' in!
62 00:03:39 Yep.
63 00:03:47 Look at the sky.
64 00:04:19 I'm thinking of ending things.
65 00:04:21 - What? - Did you say something?
66 00:04:23 No, I don't think so.
67 00:04:26 - Weird. - Yeah.
68 00:04:30 I'm thinking of ending things.
69 00:04:33 What's the point in carrying on like this?
70 00:04:35 I know what it is, where it's going.
71 00:04:37 Jake is a nice guy, but...
72 00:04:40 it's not going anywhere. I've known this for a while now.
73 00:04:44 Maybe it's human nature to keep going
74 00:04:46 in the face of this knowledge.
75 00:04:48 The alternative requires too much energy.
76 00:04:50 Decisiveness.
77 00:04:53 People stay in unhealthy relationships because it's easier.
78 00:04:56 Basic physics.
79 00:04:58 An object in motion tends to stay in motion.
80 00:05:00 People tend to stay in relationships past their expiration date.
81 00:05:04 It's Newton's first law of emotion.
82 00:05:06 Do you want to stop for a coffee or something, a... a snack?
83 00:05:11 It's... it's going to get pretty farm-y pretty fast now.
84 00:05:14 No, no, no, I'm... I'm fine.
85 00:05:16 You sure?
86 00:05:17 Don't want to spoil my appetite.
87 00:05:22 OK.
88 00:05:44 You know, my mother hasn't been feeling well recently.
89 00:05:48 So...
90 00:05:49 I'm sorry.
91 00:05:50 I'm just saying that there might not be much of a spread,
92 00:05:53 that she might not be up to a lot of cooking.
93 00:05:59 - She hasn't been well. - What's going on with her?
94 00:06:01 Just saying, if you want to stop for a snack
95 00:06:06 or anything like that, it would probably be fine...
96 00:06:12 in terms of appetite spoiling.
97 00:06:14 It might even be advisable.
98 00:06:16 I'm fine.
99 00:06:17 OK.
100 00:06:26 Come, join me, my friends,
101 00:06:28 and accept Jesus into your hearts,
102 00:06:31 for as Isaiah 1:18 tells us,
103 00:06:34 though your sins be as scarlet,
104 00:06:36 they shall be as white as snow.
105 00:06:39 They really are looking forward to meeting you.
106 00:06:42 I don't want to give you the wrong impression.
107 00:06:45 - Aww, that's nice to hear. - ...a lot about you.
108 00:06:48 Yeah, I-I-I'm... I'm...
109 00:06:49 I'm really looking forward to meeting them too.
110 00:06:54 Maybe it's unfair of me to be going on this trip with Jake...
111 00:06:58 When I'm so uncertain about our future, our lack of it.
112 00:07:02 After all, going to meet your boyfriend's parents
113 00:07:04 is the proverbial next step, isn't it?
114 00:07:06 The truth is, I haven't even told my parents I'm dating Jake.
115 00:07:09 I've never mentioned him, and I don't think I ever will.
116 00:07:12 She hasn't been feeling well.
117 00:07:14 Getting old ain't for sissies, as Betty Davis said.
118 00:07:17 True, although...
119 00:07:19 one might just take issue with her use of the word sissy...
120 00:07:23 - Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yes, sir. - ...as a pejorative.
121 00:07:27 It was a different time.
122 00:07:29 I guess it's curiosity.
123 00:07:33 Jake is certainly hard to figure.
124 00:07:36 Maybe it's like a window into his origins.
125 00:07:39 The child being father of the man and all.
126 00:07:40 Are you a fan of Wordsworth, then?
127 00:07:43 - Wordsworth? - William Wordsworth, the poet?
128 00:07:48 Not... I'm not familiar, really.
129 00:07:51 Why do you ask?
130 00:07:52 Just thinking about him for some reason.
131 00:07:56 He popped into my head.
132 00:07:58 His poem
133 00:07:59 Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood.
134 00:08:04 Jesus, that's the title?
135 00:08:06 - Sounds like an entire poem. - Well...
136 00:08:15 - I'm thinking of... - Get your words' worth with Wordsworth.
137 00:08:19 Fired.
138 00:08:22 Do you want to hear how it starts?
139 00:08:24 - It's just that the... - I'm not a metaphorical-type gal.
140 00:08:26 It's just that that one speaks to me.
141 00:08:30 Uh, incidentally, Wordsworth wrote
142 00:08:32 a series of poems to a woman named Lucy.
143 00:08:37 Like me!
144 00:08:38 A beautiful, idealized woman
145 00:08:42 who dies young.
146 00:08:43 Oh, yikes.
147 00:08:46 Well, the comparison goes only as far as your name.
148 00:08:51 And that you are ideal,
149 00:08:53 Of course. Yeah, yeah.
150 00:08:56 Ah, that's very sweet.
151 00:09:05 It's just...
152 00:09:11 Who's that?
153 00:09:12 Uh, it's just a friend.
154 00:09:14 I'm not gonna answer.
155 00:09:15 - You can, I don't mind. You should. - It's OK.
156 00:09:18 It's all right. I don't mind.
157 00:09:28 That's odd. Did you see that swing set we just passed?
158 00:09:30 - What swing set? - It was weird.
159 00:09:31 It was this beautiful new swing set in front of an abandoned house.
160 00:09:34 - No. I missed it. - What?
161 00:09:37 I didn't see it.
162 00:09:38 Why would that be there?
163 00:09:39 I mean, clearly no one's lived in that house for years.
164 00:09:41 Someone's moving in, and...
165 00:09:45 they brought the swing set first? That's all I can think of.
166 00:09:51 - I... - That seems like an unlikely sequence of events.
167 00:09:57 You know, like, to have something to entertain the kids
168 00:10:00 while the parents are getting the house ready.
169 00:10:05 Odd.
170 00:10:06 They're saying, uh,
171 00:10:08 - there might be a fair amount of snow. - Yeah?
172 00:10:10 They're predicting it.
173 00:10:12 Do you think we should maybe turn back?
174 00:10:15 I've got a fair amount of...
175 00:10:18 well, a lot, actually, of work to do tomorrow.
176 00:10:21 I need to get home tonight so that I...
177 00:10:22 I think we'll be OK. I've got tire chains in the trunk.
178 00:10:30 - What are you working on? - Oh, I have a paper due Wednesday.
179 00:10:33 Which one is this?
180 00:10:34 Susceptibility to rabies infection
181 00:10:36 in the sensory dorsal root ganglia neurons.
182 00:10:38 The trigeminal ganglia as well, right?
183 00:10:41 Yes, exactly.
184 00:10:45 Point for me.
185 00:10:47 Interested in and knowledgeable about my girlfriend's work.
186 00:10:51 Point for Jake.
187 00:10:55 How's the paper going?
188 00:10:57 It's nowhere actually.
189 00:10:59 I really do need to get back tonight, deal with it first thing.
190 00:11:02 I'll get you home!
191 00:11:05 - Chains. - Chains.
192 00:11:07 Yeah, I do like Jake.
193 00:11:10 And he's educated.
194 00:11:11 Our fields are different,
195 00:11:12 but he's curious and keeps up.
196 00:11:15 That's a good thing. It's in the pro column.
197 00:11:17 And he's cute in his awkward way.
198 00:11:21 We're interesting together as well.
199 00:11:23 People look at us when we're together.
200 00:11:25 "Who's that couple?" I don't get looked at alone.
201 00:11:28 And Jake doesn't either. Jake tells me that he feels it.
202 00:11:32 Feels invisible.
203 00:11:40 You want to listen to something?
204 00:11:45 Sorry, uh, what?
205 00:11:51 I asked if you want to listen to some music?
206 00:11:56 Oh, yeah, sure.
207 00:12:04 When you get out this far, there's not much signal.
208 00:12:13 It's an odd song.
209 00:12:16 To...
210 00:12:18 - Out here in... in the middle of nothing. - It's from Oklahoma!
211 00:12:22 The musical.
212 00:12:23 I didn't know you were a fan of musical theater.
213 00:12:26 Well, I'm not, really.
214 00:12:27 Anyway, I just know a few musicals.Uh...
215 00:12:30 Oklahoma, Phantom, Carousel, South Pacific,
216 00:12:34 Guys and Dolls, Flower Drum Song...
217 00:12:36 Wicked...
218 00:12:37 How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Music Man,
219 00:12:40 Pajama Game, Cabaret,
220 00:12:43 The Lion King, Grease, The King and I, The Sound of Music,
221 00:12:46 Pal Joey, Charley's Aunt, On The Town, My Fair Lady.
222 00:12:50 But I know Oklahoma best, I guess.
223 00:12:52 They do it every few years...
224 00:12:55 For obvious reasons.
225 00:12:57 Wait, who does it every few years?
226 00:12:59 Sometimes I see kids
227 00:13:02 who were in past productions, you know,
228 00:13:05 um, at the supermarket, working at stores in town.
229 00:13:11 Older now.
230 00:13:12 ♪ ...fly, a kiss gone by is bygone ♪
231 00:13:17 ♪ Never have I asked an August sky ♪
232 00:13:21 ♪ Where has last July gone? ♪
233 00:13:24 ♪ Many a new face will please my eye ♪
234 00:13:28 ♪ Many a new love will find me ♪
235 00:13:31 ♪ Never have I once looked back to sigh ♪
236 00:13:35 ♪ Over the romance behind... ♪
237 00:13:40 This girl seems healthy enough in her attitude.
238 00:13:43 Good for her.
239 00:13:45 She... she's protesting too much, it turns out.
240 00:13:48 We've all been there.
241 00:13:51 Where?
242 00:13:53 Protesting too much how OK everything is.
243 00:13:56 That's why I like road trips.
244 00:13:58 It's good to remind yourself the world's...
245 00:14:03 larger than the inside of your own head. You know?
246 00:14:07 - Perspective. - Perspective.
247 00:14:11 It is beautiful out here.
248 00:14:14 In a bleak, heartbroken kind of way.
249 00:14:18 What was the last road trip I took?
250 00:14:24 I should remember, but I don't.
251 00:14:27 Nothing's coming to mind.
252 00:14:29 It's odd. I'm foggy about so many things lately.
253 00:14:31 Do you like this type of landscape?
254 00:14:34 Yeah, it's beautiful. It's melancholy.
255 00:14:37 I do like that.
256 00:14:40 It's the poet in you.
257 00:14:43 Yeah.
258 00:14:44 I suppose so.
259 00:14:47 Maybe, I don't know.
260 00:14:53 You been working on anything?
261 00:14:55 Uh, I-I...
262 00:14:57 I just finished something.
263 00:14:58 Yeah. I don't... I don't know.
264 00:15:00 - Can I hear it? - You can read it.
265 00:15:02 I like to hear them in your voice,
266 00:15:05 and you're so good at reciting them.
267 00:15:07 Not really, but thanks.
268 00:15:08 It'll go with the poetic scenery.
269 00:15:11 I don't know, Jake, I just don't...
270 00:15:13 I don't really feel much like performing right now.
271 00:15:16 Come on, it'll pass the time.
272 00:15:19 I don't want you to get bored.
273 00:15:23 It's called "Bonedog."
274 00:15:30 "Coming home is terrible...
275 00:15:33 whether the dogs lick your face or not,
276 00:15:36 whether you have...
277 00:15:38 A wife,
278 00:15:39 or just a wife-shaped loneliness waiting for you.
279 00:15:44 Coming home is terribly lonely...
280 00:15:47 so that you think of the oppressive barometric pressure
281 00:15:52 back where you have just come from with fondness,
282 00:15:55 because everything's worse once you're home.
283 00:15:57 You think of the vermin clinging to the grass stalks...
284 00:16:02 long hours on the road,
285 00:16:04 roadside assistance and ice creams,
286 00:16:07 and the peculiar shapes of certain clouds
287 00:16:10 and silences with longing,
288 00:16:13 because you did not want to return.
289 00:16:15 Coming home is...
290 00:16:18 just awful.
291 00:16:21 And the home-style silences and clouds
292 00:16:25 contribute to nothing but the general malaise.
293 00:16:28 Clouds, such as they are, are in fact suspect
294 00:16:31 and made from a different material than those you left behind.
295 00:16:34 You yourself were cut from a different cloudy cloth,
296 00:16:40 returned,
297 00:16:43 remaindered,
298 00:16:45 ill-met by moonlight,
299 00:16:47 unhappy to be back,
300 00:16:48 slack in all the wrong spots.
301 00:16:50 Seamy suit of clothes,
302 00:16:52 dishrag-ratty, worn.
303 00:16:57 You return home,
304 00:17:00 moon-landed,
305 00:17:02 foreign.
306 00:17:05 The Earth's gravitational pull,
307 00:17:08 an effort now redoubled...
308 00:17:11 Dragging your shoelaces loose...
309 00:17:14 And your shoulders,
310 00:17:17 etching deeper the stanza of worry on your forehead.
311 00:17:22 You return home deepened,
312 00:17:24 a parched well linked to tomorrow
313 00:17:27 by a frail strand of...
314 00:17:31 anyway.
315 00:17:37 You sigh into the onslaught of identical days,
316 00:17:42 one might as well, at a time.
317 00:17:48 Well...
318 00:17:50 anyway,
319 00:17:52 you're back.
320 00:17:54 The sun goes up and down like a tired whore,
321 00:17:59 the weather immobile like a broken limb
322 00:18:02 while you just keep getting older.
323 00:18:05 Nothing moves, but the shifting tides of salt in your body.
324 00:18:10 Your vision blears,
325 00:18:12 you carry your weather with you;
326 00:18:14 the big, blue whale;
327 00:18:17 a skeletal darkness.
328 00:18:23 You come back
329 00:18:25 with X-ray vision...
330 00:18:29 your eyes have become a hunger.
331 00:18:32 You come home with your mutant gifts
332 00:18:37 to a house of bone.
333 00:18:42 Everything you see now,
334 00:18:45 all of it...
335 00:18:47 bone."
336 00:18:53 Wow.
337 00:18:54 Well, wow is an all-purpose exclamation.
338 00:18:56 I just realized that.
339 00:19:00 It might be... It can...
340 00:19:03 It can mean you... you loved it,
341 00:19:05 or it can mean there are no words to describe how...
342 00:19:08 how rubbish it is.
343 00:19:10 I love it.
344 00:19:11 I love it. It's amazing.
345 00:19:15 It's... it's like...
346 00:19:17 It's like you wrote it about me.
347 00:19:19 Oh, you know, I-I-I...
348 00:19:20 I guess that's what one hopes for when writing a poem.
349 00:19:25 What's that?
350 00:19:26 Some universality in the specific, I don't know.
351 00:19:30 It's like you wrote it about me.
352 00:19:34 I'm thinking of ending things.
353 00:19:36 Jake is really great.
354 00:19:37 He's really sweet.
355 00:19:39 He's sensitive, and he listens to me, and he's smart.
356 00:19:42 But there's just something...
357 00:19:44 Ineffable.
358 00:19:45 Profoundly, unutterably, un-fixably wrong here.
359 00:19:48 - Are you OK? - Yeah.
360 00:19:50 You just seem sort of far away is all.
361 00:19:52 I'm... just thinking.
362 00:19:55 About what?
363 00:19:59 I don't know, just...
364 00:20:02 Vague in my head stuff.
365 00:20:03 Vague in your head stuff.
366 00:20:06 I guess I was thinking about time.
367 00:20:08 - Really? - Yeah.
368 00:20:11 Like we're on a train and it takes us where it takes us.
369 00:20:14 There's no veering off, there's no side trips,
370 00:20:16 and like Mussolini's train, it runs on time.
371 00:20:18 But that's not really true about Mussolini and trains.
372 00:20:21 The improvements in the railway system preceded him.
373 00:20:25 He just took the credit.
374 00:20:26 And even still, they didn't always run on time.
375 00:20:29 I wasn't really talking about Mussolini's train...
376 00:20:31 And anyway, you... you can always jump off a train.
377 00:20:34 In movies.
378 00:20:35 In real life, you'll probably die jumping from a moving train.
379 00:20:42 That's... that's very true.
380 00:20:44 I suppose I watch too many movies.
381 00:20:48 Everybody does.
382 00:20:50 Societal malady.
383 00:20:51 Fill my brain with lies to pass the time,
384 00:20:54 in the blink of an eye,
385 00:20:57 and an eye blink in excruciatingly slow motion.
386 00:21:01 It's like the rabies virus,
387 00:21:04 attaching itself to our ganglia,
388 00:21:06 changing us into itself.
389 00:21:09 Viruses are monstrous.
390 00:21:10 Everything wants to live, Jake.
391 00:21:14 Viruses are just one more example of everything.
392 00:21:16 But...
393 00:21:17 Even fake, crappy movie ideas want to live.
394 00:21:21 Like, they grow in your brain,
395 00:21:23 replacing real ideas.
396 00:21:25 That's what makes them dangerous.
397 00:21:27 But, did you know...
398 00:21:29 there are insects that blow themselves up?
399 00:21:32 - Yes. - Not everything wants to live.
400 00:21:33 There are certain ants, certain aphids.
401 00:21:35 For the good of their community.
402 00:21:37 There are suicide bombers.
403 00:21:45 Come...
404 00:21:47 join me.
405 00:21:49 So not everything wants to live.
406 00:21:53 Right?
407 00:21:56 True. Well, they...
408 00:21:58 they want their communities to live.
409 00:22:00 Which is sort of like themselves, writ large.
410 00:22:04 Anyway, we don't really know if they want anything.
411 00:22:07 It's just most likely how they're programmed.
412 00:22:12 Maybe we're all programmed, right?
413 00:22:24 - And now we're both dead. - Ta-da!
414 00:22:52 So, uh, I'm not... I'm not ready to go in.
415 00:22:56 I-I need to stretch my legs, long legs.
416 00:22:59 Long drive.
417 00:23:00 What? What, isn't that rude?
418 00:23:02 She clearly knows we're here.
419 00:23:04 We've been waving at each other for... quite a long time.
420 00:23:06 They know I like to stretch my legs.
421 00:23:08 Come on, I'll show you around.
422 00:23:09 Jake, I don't know, it's... it's... it's... it's cold
423 00:23:12 - and it's getting dark. - Come on.
424 00:23:14 Come on, I'll give you the abridged tour.
425 00:23:31 Maybe, we'll...
426 00:23:33 come back in the spring, and we can lie out here
427 00:23:35 and look up at the universe.
428 00:23:45 The sheep.
429 00:23:52 Let's say hi.
430 00:23:54 - Hi, sheep. - Hi, sheep.
431 00:23:57 There is something dreary and sad in here.
432 00:24:00 And it smells.
433 00:24:01 I wonder what it must be like to be a sheep.
434 00:24:03 Spend one's entire life in this miserable,
435 00:24:06 smelly place doing nothing.
436 00:24:07 Eating, shitting, sleeping...
437 00:24:09 - over and over. - Well, there you have it.
438 00:24:13 The sheep.
439 00:24:15 - What happened to the lambs? - What?
440 00:24:17 - What will happen... - I don't know what you're asking me.
441 00:24:19 They're already dead, so wh...
442 00:24:21 what else can happen to them?
443 00:24:23 - Well, I mean, will they be buried? - Probably be burned
444 00:24:27 come spring.
445 00:24:29 But they're frozen solid for now, so they're fine.
446 00:24:33 No worries.
447 00:24:36 Come on, I'll show you the... the old pen
448 00:24:38 where we used to keep the pigs.
449 00:24:40 They had to put them down.
450 00:24:42 - That's too bad. - Rotten situation, the pigs.
451 00:24:45 Life isn't always pretty on a farm. Something you should know.
452 00:24:53 So what... what happened to them?
453 00:24:55 To the pigs?
454 00:25:01 Forget it.
455 00:25:02 - Uh, I don't think you'd like the story. - Can't do that.
456 00:25:04 You have to tell me now.
457 00:25:05 - Yeah? - Yes! Jesus.
458 00:25:07 OK, well...
459 00:25:11 My dad hadn't been in
460 00:25:12 to check on the pigs for a few days.
461 00:25:14 My parents were busy.
462 00:25:16 He'd just tossed their food into the pen.
463 00:25:19 But after a few days, he noticed that they were all just lying
464 00:25:23 in this corner all the time,
465 00:25:25 so he went in to check on them.
466 00:25:27 They didn't look well.
467 00:25:28 He decided he'd better try to move them.
468 00:25:30 And they're heavy.
469 00:25:33 They're pigs, right?
470 00:25:35 But yeah, he... he finally managed to move one, and discovered...
471 00:25:40 its entire underside was filled with maggots.
472 00:25:46 Both pigs were being eaten alive.
473 00:25:54 Life can be brutal on a farm.
474 00:26:00 Should we go inside? It's getting cold.
475 00:26:04 Everything has to die. That's the truth.
476 00:26:08 One likes to think that there is always hope.
477 00:26:10 That you can live above death.
478 00:26:13 And it's a uniquely human fantasy that things will get better,
479 00:26:17 born perhaps of the uniquely
480 00:26:19 human understanding that things will not.
481 00:26:23 There's no way to know for certain.
482 00:26:24 But I suspect humans are the only animals
483 00:26:26 that know the inevitability of their own deaths.
484 00:26:29 Other animals live in the present.
485 00:26:32 Humans cannot,
486 00:26:34 so they invented hope.
487 00:26:41 Hello?
488 00:26:45 Hello?
489 00:26:47 I'm here.
490 00:26:48 We're here.
491 00:26:58 Hello?
492 00:27:00 Hello?
493 00:27:03 It's Jake!
494 00:27:06 Hello?
495 00:27:15 Hello?
496 00:27:16 - We'll be right down. - OK.
497 00:27:22 So...
498 00:27:27 Do you want slippers?
499 00:27:29 - I... - Floors are cold here.
500 00:27:30 - Old houses. Will you hold this, please? - Yeah.
501 00:27:33 Yeah, thanks, I think.
502 00:27:36 They'll be big on you. They're my old ones, but they are warm.
503 00:27:40 Ah! Voila.
504 00:27:47 - None for you? - No.
505 00:27:49 No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, you should have these.
506 00:27:51 - These are yours. - Oh, no.
507 00:27:52 What kind of gentleman would that make me?
508 00:27:58 My slippers are your slippers.
509 00:28:02 - You sure? - I am.
510 00:28:09 Um, have a seat.
511 00:28:21 They'll be right down.
512 00:28:32 Music?
513 00:28:33 Sure.
514 00:29:29 So, the... the bedrooms are upstairs.
515 00:29:33 Not much else. Um...
516 00:29:36 My mom's sewing room,
517 00:29:39 bedroom, linen closet.
518 00:29:43 I can show you after we eat,
519 00:29:45 if you'd like.
520 00:29:47 It's not fancy,
521 00:29:49 as you can see.
522 00:29:50 It's nice. I like it.
523 00:29:52 - Yeah? - Yes.
524 00:29:54 Reminds me of the house I grew up in.
525 00:29:58 I suppose all farmhouses are alike.
526 00:30:03 Like all happy families.
527 00:30:07 I'm not sure Tolstoy got that one right.
528 00:30:13 Happiness in a family is as nuanced as unhappiness.
529 00:30:17 Well, I think he was talking about marriage...
530 00:30:19 Ah, here they come!
531 00:30:30 I'll just get a fire going in the meantime.
532 00:30:50 Your parents knew we were coming, right?
533 00:30:53 I mean, they invited us and all...
534 00:30:54 Invitation sounds a little formal for my family,
535 00:30:59 but yeah, of course, we communicated.
536 00:31:00 OK, cool.
537 00:31:06 This fire feels good.
538 00:31:09 Cozy.
539 00:31:11 - What's in there? - The basement.
540 00:31:15 I see.
541 00:31:16 We keep it closed off, mostly, 'cause old houses tend to be...
542 00:31:20 drafty.
543 00:31:21 Right.
544 00:31:25 Anyway...
545 00:31:27 the basement is unfinished.
546 00:31:29 A hole in the ground, really.
547 00:31:31 A hole in the ground?
548 00:31:33 Just, water heater, washer and dryer, stuff like that.
549 00:31:36 We don't use it really for anything else.
550 00:31:41 - OK. - So, it's a waste of space.
551 00:31:44 I hate the basement, if you...
552 00:31:47 really want to know.
553 00:31:48 You have intense feelings about it.
554 00:31:50 You...
555 00:31:51 You know, when you're a kid,
556 00:31:54 uh, basements are scary.
557 00:31:55 Well, we didn't have one growing up in an apartment,
558 00:31:58 but watching those scary movies, you get the idea.
559 00:32:03 Don't look down in the basement.
560 00:32:12 Exactly.
561 00:32:15 He's hiding in there.
562 00:32:19 - Who? - What?
563 00:32:23 What are those scratches on the door?
564 00:32:26 Dog. From the dog, mostly.
565 00:32:32 I...
566 00:32:33 I love dogs.
567 00:32:35 I didn't know your parents have a dog!
568 00:32:37 I usually can tell when there's a dog in someone's house.
569 00:32:39 - Toys lying around, and... - My folks are tidy.
570 00:32:42 Well, where is it? What... what kind? What's its name?
571 00:32:46 So many questions. Uh, Jimmy.
572 00:32:49 He's a border collie.
573 00:32:50 Probably outside, or...
574 00:32:53 Hi, Jimmy!
575 00:32:55 Hi!
576 00:32:58 Oh, he's all wet.
577 00:33:03 - That's... - Ah! Here they come.
578 00:33:11 Was the drive OK?
579 00:33:12 Yeah, fine.
580 00:33:14 So glad to meet you, Louisa.
581 00:33:16 Jake has told us so much about you.
582 00:33:19 Oh, he's told me so much about both of you too.
583 00:33:22 Oh. And you came anyway?
584 00:33:30 Hi.
585 00:33:39 Well, let's eat. All the food will be as cold as a witch's tit
586 00:33:43 in a brass brassiere.
587 00:33:58 - Oh, it smells great. - I hope you're hungry.
588 00:34:01 All homemade. Everything you see on the table is from the farm.
589 00:34:10 Looks lovely.
590 00:34:11 So...
591 00:34:12 Jake tells us you're a painter.
592 00:34:14 Yes! Jake tells you correctly.
593 00:34:16 I don't really know much about art,
594 00:34:18 but I like pictures where you know what you're looking at.
595 00:34:20 What's it called? Uh, abstract. I don't get that.
596 00:34:23 I could do abstract. Smear some paint on, what's it called?
597 00:34:28 Canvas. I think it's a con job if you ask me.
598 00:34:31 I like paintings that look like photographs.
599 00:34:34 I couldn't do that in a million years. That is talent.
600 00:34:38 Why... why not just take a photograph,
601 00:34:41 Dad, if you like photographs?
602 00:34:43 It's much quicker, and photographs look exactly like photographs.
603 00:34:47 I like photographs, mostly sports photographs.
604 00:34:50 What kind of paintings do you make, Lucy?
605 00:34:54 Uh, well, I-I'm not an abstract artist, so that's in my favor.
606 00:34:57 Good! You see, that's exactly my point. You see? Good!
607 00:35:01 I-I do mostly landscape.
608 00:35:03 Like outside paintings?
609 00:35:05 Uh, yes! Mm-hmm. Plein air.
610 00:35:08 Which is outdoor painting.
611 00:35:10 I try to capture the feel of light and atmosphere.
612 00:35:14 That sounds lovely.
613 00:35:15 - Jake used to paint too, of course. - Mom!
614 00:35:17 He worked really hard at it.
615 00:35:20 I didn't know that.
616 00:35:21 - He was very good. - Mom.
617 00:35:27 I try to imbue my work with a sort of...
618 00:35:31 interiority.
619 00:35:32 Interiority. So you paint...
620 00:35:35 - inside? - Well, inside my head.
621 00:35:37 So a landscape would attempt to express how I feel at that time.
622 00:35:40 Lonely, joyous, worried, s-sad.
623 00:35:43 That sounds very interesting.
624 00:35:45 Like that painting of that girl,
625 00:35:47 sitting in a field, looking at a house.
626 00:35:49 Christina's World. Wyeth.
627 00:35:50 - Yes. - Exactly.
628 00:35:53 But without people.
629 00:35:55 How can a picture of a field be sad
630 00:35:58 without a sad person looking sad in the field?
631 00:36:03 That's an interesting problem.
632 00:36:05 I...
633 00:36:06 Yeah, I-I-I-I...
634 00:36:08 I... I struggle with that.
635 00:36:11 Well, I have some pictures of my work, if you'd like to see them.
636 00:36:18 Oh, yes!
637 00:36:20 - Yeah? - Yes?
638 00:36:21 - Yes! - Yeah?
639 00:36:41 These here.
640 00:36:57 I mean, they're pretty,
641 00:36:58 but I don't see how it's supposed to make me feel something
642 00:37:01 if there's not a person in them feeling something.
643 00:37:04 If there's not a person in them feeling sad or joyous
644 00:37:07 or whatever other emotion you said.
645 00:37:11 Well, m-maybe think of yourself
646 00:37:13 as the person looking out at the scene.
647 00:37:16 I'd have to see me in them.
648 00:37:17 Well, if you were there, you wouldn't see yourself, right?
649 00:37:20 Well, I would if I looked down. I'm not a ghost.
650 00:37:22 - Yet. - I can attest to that.
651 00:37:24 Especially in the bedroom.
652 00:37:27 I mean, but if you were there
653 00:37:30 looking out at it without looking down,
654 00:37:32 you'd... you'd see the scene and you'd feel something.
655 00:37:34 Anything an environment makes you feel is about you,
656 00:37:37 not the environment, right?
657 00:37:39 None of...
658 00:37:40 none of the feeling is inherent to the place.
659 00:37:43 Uh, that's over my head, I guess.
660 00:37:45 They are pretty, though. You're very talented.
661 00:37:48 - Thank you. - I like the colors.
662 00:37:50 Thanks.
663 00:37:52 Psst, Jake, you didn't tell us your girlfriend was so talented.
664 00:37:56 I did, actually.
665 00:38:00 Anyway, uh...
666 00:38:02 I mean, sometimes I...
667 00:38:04 I would've thought...
668 00:38:06 Because...
669 00:38:12 Uh, so...
670 00:38:14 Jake...
671 00:38:16 tells me you're studying quantum psychics at the university.
672 00:38:19 - Yes. - Physics.
673 00:38:21 - Really? - Yeah.
674 00:38:23 That's unusual for a girl, isn't it?
675 00:38:25 Yes, it is, actually.
676 00:38:26 I'm just asking.
677 00:38:30 A little less so these days, which I think is a good thing.
678 00:38:32 Well, after seventh grade,
679 00:38:35 I couldn't understand what Jake was saying,
680 00:38:37 so it's wonderful he has someone he can share all his ideas with.
681 00:38:41 Jake tells us there's been
682 00:38:43 lots of famous husband and wife physicists.
683 00:38:48 Dad!
684 00:38:50 Yeah.
685 00:38:51 I guess there have been some.
686 00:38:54 Uh, Pierre and Marie Curie shared a Nobel Prize in physics.
687 00:38:56 Well, even I've heard of them.
688 00:38:58 Well, I've heard of her anyway, radiation.
689 00:39:00 - Uh, radioactivity. - Radium.
690 00:39:02 - Yes. - I am so glad Jake has found someone.
691 00:39:07 Won't you please tell us the story of how you met?
692 00:39:10 Jake has refused.
693 00:39:11 I love romantic meeting stories.
694 00:39:13 Like in Forget Paris.
695 00:39:15 - Billy Crystal? - I didn't like that movie.
696 00:39:17 Billy Crystal is a nancy.
697 00:39:27 So...
698 00:39:29 I went with a friend to a bar near campus, and...
699 00:39:34 it turned out to be trivia night.
700 00:39:35 Oh, I love this so far! Jake is crazy about trivia!
701 00:39:38 We used to play the Genius Edition of the...
702 00:39:40 - We used to play the Genius Edition... - Genus.
703 00:39:42 - We used to play the Genius Edition... - Genus!
704 00:39:44 - of Trivial Pursuit. - What?
705 00:39:46 It's Genus Edition.
706 00:39:47 Oh, I always thought the word was genius.
707 00:39:50 I've been saying it wrong all these years.
708 00:39:52 Goes to show, I'm no genus!
709 00:39:57 That's a good one.
710 00:39:58 No, no, no.
711 00:40:01 Genus is not...
712 00:40:02 the same as genius.
713 00:40:04 A genus is a category.
714 00:40:06 I always thought it was the Genius Edition.
715 00:40:08 I told everyone he knew every answer in the Genius Edition.
716 00:40:11 I was very proud of that.
717 00:40:14 - Why didn't we get the Genius... - There is no...
718 00:40:19 - Genius Edition. - OK.
719 00:40:40 So, Jake was with his trivia team,
720 00:40:41 and my friend and I found an empty table near him,
721 00:40:43 and I was watching him.
722 00:40:45 - Because you thought he was cute! - Yeah, I did.
723 00:40:48 And he was very serious about the game,
724 00:40:50 which I found, I don't know, charming.
725 00:40:53 And... Oh, his team was called...
726 00:40:55 - Brezhnev's Eyebrows. - Brezhnev's Eyebrows, right.
727 00:40:59 I asked who Brezhnev was,
728 00:41:00 basically so I could say something to him.
729 00:41:02 And he told me that Brezhnev was a Soviet engineer.
730 00:41:06 And a general of the...
731 00:41:11 - Uh, the section head of... - Secretary of the Communist Party.
732 00:41:14 During the age of starvation.
733 00:41:15 - Stagnation. - Stagnation.
734 00:41:17 Anyway, those team names drive me nuts usually.
735 00:41:19 They all have the most teams show-offy.
736 00:41:21 But I don't know, it didn't bother me so much with Jake.
737 00:41:24 I guess I didn't let it because I thought he was cute.
738 00:41:26 Aw, he is cute, isn't he?
739 00:41:30 So I-I-I was trying to
740 00:41:31 get up the nerve to talk to him, because...
741 00:41:33 even though he looked over at me more than once,
742 00:41:35 it was clear he wasn't gonna say anything.
743 00:41:39 I thought you said you were talking about Brezhnev?
744 00:41:53 Yes, that's true.
745 00:41:55 But we didn't talk anymore after that,
746 00:41:58 I guess it's what I meant.
747 00:42:08 So I said something stupid,
748 00:42:10 like, "You guys seem to be doing well."
749 00:42:16 And I had to practically yell it, it was so noisy.
750 00:42:19 And Jake... Jake raised his glass and went,
751 00:42:22 "Well, yeah, well, we're helpfully fortified."
752 00:42:24 And I laughed, which broke the ice,
753 00:42:26 and I think he was egged on by my laughing,
754 00:42:29 'cause he went on to tell me that he was a cruc...
755 00:42:33 - Verbalist. - Verbalist.
756 00:42:35 And I didn't know what that meant.
757 00:42:36 But I-I didn't want to admit that, so I just said,
758 00:42:38 - "Cool." - Cool.
759 00:42:39 And he was showing off again, and poorly,
760 00:42:42 and I thought, "This guy is awkward. He has no game at all."
761 00:42:46 And there was something sort of appealing about that.
762 00:42:50 But then he kept going.
763 00:42:52 And he told me that he wanted his team name to be Ipseity,
764 00:42:58 and I was like, "Ugh."
765 00:42:59 You didn't like him anymore?
766 00:43:04 No.
767 00:43:09 I did.
768 00:43:12 I just wanted that stuff to stop.
769 00:43:14 So I told him,
770 00:43:15 "You know I don't know that word.
771 00:43:16 Why don't you just cut the crap?"
772 00:43:20 And he said something like, "I'm an asshole."
773 00:43:32 "I'm not very good at talking to people,
774 00:43:34 and ipseity is just another word for selfhood."
775 00:43:37 Anyway, after that,
776 00:43:38 he talked like a normal person, and he was funny.
777 00:43:41 And I could see he wanted to ask for my number,
778 00:43:44 but was shy.
779 00:43:45 And I was getting up to go.
780 00:43:47 My girlfriend wanted to leave.
781 00:43:50 And Jake...
782 00:43:51 blurted out, could he have my number?
783 00:43:54 There you go... Jake.
784 00:43:57 It's about time.
785 00:44:00 And the rest was history.
786 00:44:02 That was like...
787 00:44:04 six weeks ago?
788 00:44:06 God, feels longer.
789 00:44:10 Feels like forever, in a way.
790 00:44:13 I can't...
791 00:44:16 I can't even remember how long ago it is.
792 00:44:43 I'll be right with you.
793 00:44:44 Hello, welcome to Red Line.
794 00:44:45 I'm Yvonne. I'll be taking care of you today.
795 00:44:48 There's a guy behind you.
796 00:44:51 Really?
797 00:44:54 That's Nimrod.
798 00:44:56 He's the idiot waiter-in-training trailing me.
799 00:44:59 - Hi, I'm Nimrod. - Hey.
800 00:45:01 So are you folks ready to order,
801 00:45:02 or can I answer questions about the menu?
802 00:45:04 - How is the Santa Fe burger? - Very popular.
803 00:45:07 OK, so, uh, which do you prefer,
804 00:45:09 the Santa Fe burger or the Natchez burger?
805 00:45:12 Hmm, that's a tough one. They're both really, really good.
806 00:45:14 - You don't have a favorite? - Um, I guess I would say the...
807 00:45:18 Look, man, she's a vegan, so...
808 00:45:20 What the hell are you doing?
809 00:45:21 No, look. What you don't know about this amazing woman
810 00:45:24 in front of you is that she's not a waitress.
811 00:45:26 - Can you please leave? - She is a waitress.
812 00:45:28 But only to put herself through school so that she can become
813 00:45:31 - an animal rights lawyer. - OK.
814 00:45:33 No, not a crumb of meat or dairy has crossed her lips
815 00:45:36 since she was five years old.
816 00:45:37 And she realized that a...
817 00:45:38 that a hamburger is just a ground-up cow.
818 00:45:41 She spent the rest of her life trying...
819 00:45:43 She spent the rest of her life trying to make the world
820 00:45:45 a better place for animals, and I love her!
821 00:45:48 I love her! I love her because she's the most beautiful...
822 00:45:57 That was beautiful, Yvonne.
823 00:45:59 You're fired.
824 00:46:08 I needed that job, idiot.
825 00:46:12 I know.
826 00:46:19 Did you say you love me?
827 00:46:24 I did.
828 00:46:33 Idiot.
829 00:46:41 Well, that was lovely.
830 00:46:44 - We gotta get on the road. - Jake was always a good boy.
831 00:46:46 He was even awarded a diligence pin at school, you remember?
832 00:46:49 - Are you still working on that? - Nah.
833 00:46:51 Diligence. At eight, can you believe that?
834 00:46:53 It was quite a thing.
835 00:46:54 His father and I never got awarded any such pin at eight.
836 00:46:56 - At any age. - True enough.
837 00:46:58 At no age.
838 00:46:59 I won a bunch of sports trophies, but never a diligence trophy.
839 00:47:02 I don't imagine I knew the word diligence at eight!
840 00:47:05 But Jake knew it. You knew.
841 00:47:07 Jake knew.
842 00:47:08 Jake knew. Remember how excited you were
843 00:47:10 - about that diligence pin? - No.
844 00:47:12 - He wore it to school. - I didn't.
845 00:47:14 He did, every day. You did!
846 00:47:17 No, I was disappointed. I wanted the acumen pin.
847 00:47:20 Diligence...
848 00:47:22 is an also ran.
849 00:47:23 "You there, you worked very hard, you're not very bright,
850 00:47:25 but we're impressed that you tried anyway."
851 00:47:27 Oh, don't be sour.
852 00:47:29 It was a lovely pin, sweetheart.
853 00:47:32 Jakey.
854 00:47:35 Dessert?
855 00:47:36 I made Jake's favorite chocolate cake.
856 00:47:42 Lovely.
857 00:47:45 Of course, I never turn down anything chocolate.
858 00:47:47 Lovely.
859 00:47:55 Help me.
860 00:47:58 I'll serve dessert in the sitting room.
861 00:48:01 That's from My Fair Lady.
862 00:48:03 - That was you! Yes! - She said he was a nancy.
863 00:48:06 You've been saying that one for years!
864 00:48:09 Oh, you cannot keep doing this!
865 00:48:12 You seem so quiet.
866 00:48:15 You OK?
867 00:48:20 Do you like them?
868 00:48:22 They're very nice.
869 00:48:24 Very nice parents.
870 00:48:26 You chose well, my friend.
871 00:48:28 - Yeah. - Yes.
872 00:48:30 - Yeah. - Yes.
873 00:48:33 Of course.
874 00:48:35 They love you a lot.
875 00:48:38 - Yeah. - Prime importance in parents.
876 00:48:43 I suppose.
877 00:48:49 We've had our issues.
878 00:48:51 Jesus, everyone's had issues with their parents.
879 00:48:56 Hey, what happened to Jimmy?
880 00:49:00 Aw, here he is!
881 00:49:02 You're a stinky wet monster, huh?
882 00:49:05 Sorry!
883 00:49:07 - Sorry. - About?
884 00:49:09 His smell.
885 00:49:11 Jake, he's a dog.
886 00:49:13 It's fine. Jimmy...
887 00:49:29 Hey, who is this?
888 00:49:31 You can't tell?
889 00:49:34 No.
890 00:49:39 It's me.
891 00:49:41 No, it was me. W-Wasn't it me?
892 00:49:44 - H-How... - Sorry for the delay...
893 00:49:45 - Oh, God. - Kitchen emergency, don't you know.
894 00:49:48 Well, here it is, Jake's favorite. Ta-da!
895 00:49:51 Chocolate yule log.
896 00:49:54 Even though it's well past yule.
897 00:49:56 Reminds me of when Jake used to suck his thumb.
898 00:49:59 Well past the age when he should've stopped.
899 00:50:02 He'd say, "Yule, yule, yule..."
900 00:50:05 as he sucked it.
901 00:50:06 Yule log. Kinda looks like thumb!
902 00:50:10 Looks great.
903 00:50:14 Enjoy!
904 00:50:15 Thank you.
905 00:50:16 It really looks amazing.
906 00:50:17 Thank you. Enjoy.
907 00:50:21 God.
908 00:50:22 I've been having problems with my ears.
909 00:50:23 Just in case anyone is wondering
910 00:50:25 why I keep pulling at my ears all night long.
911 00:50:27 More than a problem.
912 00:50:29 Tinnitus.
913 00:50:30 It is what it is, as they say.
914 00:50:32 What is tinnitus?
915 00:50:33 Not very much fun is what.
916 00:50:35 Not very much fun.
917 00:50:37 But shit happens, as they say.
918 00:50:42 I hear a kind of buzzing in my ears.
919 00:50:44 Well, not so much a buzzing, more of a hiss.
920 00:50:46 Well, more of a...
921 00:50:47 whisper.
922 00:50:49 Oh, always?
923 00:50:51 Yes!
924 00:50:52 As if I'm constantly being whispered to.
925 00:51:03 Maybe it's sharing the secrets of the universe with me.
926 00:51:08 But I can't tell.
927 00:51:12 Maybe it's giving me stock market tips.
928 00:51:16 Oh, we'd be rich!
929 00:51:18 Sorry, sorry.
930 00:51:20 I... I thought it had been turned off.
931 00:51:25 - See my glasses? - Here you are.
932 00:51:32 It's just a friend.
933 00:51:33 - Her friend calls a lot. - Well, you can take it.
934 00:51:35 You should take it. We won't think it rude.
935 00:51:37 No, it's OK. It's not important.
936 00:51:39 You don't know. It might be. It's a blizzard out there.
937 00:51:41 - She might be stranded. - It's OK.
938 00:51:43 Is it a blizzard now? We... We don't want to get stuck.
939 00:51:46 - Stuck? Stuck? - It's OK. I've got the chains.
940 00:51:48 I've... I've got to work early tomorrow.
941 00:51:50 Oh, you put the chains on?
942 00:51:51 No, not yet, but they're in... they're in the bed.
943 00:51:53 Chains should make it fine.
944 00:51:55 What? I'm sorry.
945 00:51:56 - The chains. - Oh, God.
946 00:51:59 - The whispers, I call them. - The night is the worst.
947 00:52:02 - What is? - Night!
948 00:52:03 Oh, night is the worst.
949 00:52:05 I don't sleep much anymore.
950 00:52:06 Oh, that sounds very difficult. I'm sorry.
951 00:52:09 - Sorry? - I just said I'm sorry!
952 00:52:12 We're both saying sorry!
953 00:52:16 - You should take your call though. - It could be an emergency.
954 00:52:19 It's fine.
955 00:52:20 I-I-I-I...
956 00:52:21 I know what she's calling about.
957 00:52:22 You should at least listen to the message
958 00:52:25 OK!
959 00:52:28 Sure.
960 00:52:36 There's only one question to resolve.
961 00:52:38 I'm scared. I feel a little crazy.
962 00:52:40 I'm not lucid. How...
963 00:52:41 The assumptions are right.
964 00:52:43 I can feel my fear growing.
965 00:52:45 Now is the time for the answer, just one question.
966 00:52:48 One question to answer.
967 00:52:53 She's fine.
968 00:52:55 Wh... what did she want?
969 00:52:57 Oh, she was just calling to say hi.
970 00:52:59 How nice.
971 00:53:00 Friends are important.
972 00:53:02 Jake never really had a lot of them growing up. Or even after.
973 00:53:07 Remember your 50th birthday?
974 00:53:08 - Twentieth. - What did I say?
975 00:53:11 - Fiftieth. - Fiftieth.
976 00:53:13 Goodness, where is my brain?
977 00:53:18 Anyway.
978 00:53:20 Friends can be helpful.
979 00:53:22 Hmm. That's what I've always found.
980 00:53:25 'Cause life can be difficult,
981 00:53:29 on a farm.
982 00:53:30 Doesn't get any easier as it trudges along, I'll say that.
983 00:53:35 - What? - Doesn't get any easier.
984 00:53:36 - What doesn't? - Life!
985 00:53:38 Oh, no, it doesn't. It's basically a fast train to hell.
986 00:53:42 For God's sake, Mom!
987 00:53:43 All right, all right, yes. I'm overstating it. I agree.
988 00:53:47 It's a fast train to heck!
989 00:54:05 Your mother was always very funny.
990 00:54:09 It's what I loved about her.
991 00:54:12 I think it's the...
992 00:54:14 the first thing that I fell in love with.
993 00:54:18 Kind of... faded as she got older.
994 00:54:24 Wears you down, I guess.
995 00:54:26 It's not so funny anymore.
996 00:54:32 I miss her terribly.
997 00:54:34 Yeah.
998 00:54:47 So, Lucia...
999 00:54:49 is studying gerontology.
1000 00:54:51 Oh, really?
1001 00:54:53 Oh, how fascinating.
1002 00:54:55 Oh, fascinating.
1003 00:54:58 Yes.
1004 00:55:01 I've always been interested
1005 00:55:02 in the problems associated with aging.
1006 00:55:05 I think our society has
1007 00:55:06 an almost repulsed relationship to the aged,
1008 00:55:09 which is eminently foolish,
1009 00:55:10 seeing that it's an inevitable and natural
1010 00:55:11 part of the life cycle of all living things.
1011 00:55:15 Not to mention it's terribly unkind.
1012 00:55:21 How interesting.
1013 00:55:22 And compassionate.
1014 00:55:24 Oh, we've gotta keep her, Jake.
1015 00:55:27 Oh, how kind she is.
1016 00:55:34 Boy, it's, uh...
1017 00:55:37 It's looking pretty bad out there.
1018 00:55:39 I don't know, Jake, I-I think we should probably...
1019 00:55:53 Jake?
1020 00:55:57 Jake?
1021 00:55:59 - Jake? - What?
1022 00:56:01 I-I-I-I think we should go.
1023 00:56:02 It's looking pretty bad.
1024 00:56:06 I have chains!
1025 00:56:14 Where are you?
1026 00:56:15 - Upstairs. - I'm coming up.
1027 00:56:19 Just letting you know.
1028 00:56:50 Jake?
1029 00:57:03 Jake?
1030 00:57:06 Where are you?
1031 00:57:13 Jake?
1032 00:58:14 "Coming home is terrible.
1033 00:58:16 Whether the dogs lick your face or not.
1034 00:58:20 Whether you have a wife
1035 00:58:21 or just a wife-shaped loneliness waiting for you.
1036 00:58:25 Coming home is terribly lonely."
1037 00:58:30 Sorry, you...
1038 00:58:31 you scared me.
1039 00:58:32 Oh, I'm sorry.
1040 00:58:37 This is...
1041 00:58:39 Jake's childhood bedroom.
1042 00:58:43 Yeah.
1043 00:58:45 Yeah, I-I...
1044 00:58:46 I saw the sign on the door.
1045 00:58:49 Oh, that.
1046 00:58:51 How can I explain that?
1047 00:58:53 My memory is going, um...
1048 00:58:56 Early signs of, uh...
1049 00:59:06 Alzheimer's?
1050 00:59:09 Dementia?
1051 00:59:11 - Lewy bodies... - Yeah, I think that's it.
1052 00:59:15 We've taken to...
1053 00:59:17 labeling things
1054 00:59:19 around the home, you'll see labels all over the house.
1055 00:59:25 I haven't noticed.
1056 00:59:30 You will notice.
1057 00:59:32 I'm sorry to hear that y-you're...
1058 00:59:36 That's OK.
1059 00:59:38 Truth is...
1060 00:59:40 I'm looking forward to when it gets very bad
1061 00:59:43 and I don't have to remember that I can't remember!
1062 00:59:50 Seems that that'll be a...
1063 00:59:52 better way to, um...
1064 00:59:56 Oh, come on.
1065 01:00:01 -Yeah. - They say that every cloud has a...
1066 01:00:06 - A silver... - Silver! Ah, that's it, exactly. Silver.
1067 01:00:10 They say that every cloud has a silver, and, uh...
1068 01:00:14 Well, I believe that to be true.
1069 01:00:21 This is Jake's old room.
1070 01:00:25 You two can stay in here tonight if you want.
1071 01:00:27 His mother and I aren't old fashioned about that kind of thing.
1072 01:00:31 Fucking and whatnot.
1073 01:00:33 Oh, I.. I... I have to get home tonight.
1074 01:00:35 I have work in... in the morning.
1075 01:00:37 I know this bed
1076 01:00:39 looks a bit small for two, um...
1077 01:00:43 Oh, come on.
1078 01:00:44 Uh, uh, grown-ups.
1079 01:00:45 It's a child's bed, after all. Not even for twin children.
1080 01:00:50 Just for one child.
1081 01:00:51 I'm sure for a single night you could make do.
1082 01:00:53 That's very generous of you, but I... I-I do have to...
1083 01:00:56 I imagine you won't be doing any fucking in this bed.
1084 01:01:00 Not really made for fucking. It's a child's bed.
1085 01:01:03 Just for one child, not two.
1086 01:01:05 Right.
1087 01:01:06 Sure I can find one of my wife's old, um...
1088 01:01:14 Things for you to wear for tonight.
1089 01:01:16 Might have to dig through some trunks.
1090 01:01:19 Sure I can find one of my wife's old things for you to wear.
1091 01:01:24 For tonight. Oh, look, there's...
1092 01:01:26 Jake's old room.
1093 01:01:53 Jake.
1094 01:01:56 Oh, it's the girlfriend.
1095 01:02:00 Open up.
1096 01:02:02 Jake, the snow. I need to leave.
1097 01:02:04 I've told him over and over it's time for him to leave!
1098 01:02:10 Mom, you need to eat!
1099 01:02:12 I'll be down in a minute.
1100 01:02:16 Mom!
1101 01:02:19 Jake's always been a good boy.
1102 01:02:22 Mom.
1103 01:02:23 Diligent.
1104 01:02:27 He won a pin.
1105 01:02:29 Maybe not as naturally talented as some of the other students,
1106 01:02:35 but...
1107 01:02:37 he worked so hard.
1108 01:02:42 And that's even more impressive.
1109 01:02:47 Being a genus...
1110 01:02:48 Genius, Mom.
1111 01:02:50 Genius.
1112 01:02:53 The luck of the draw, really.
1113 01:02:57 The genetic lottery, as they say.
1114 01:03:02 But to do as well as Jake did
1115 01:03:07 with no special talent or abilities...
1116 01:03:14 That's much more impressive.
1117 01:03:20 Yes.
1118 01:03:22 - Maybe you should... - Soon!
1119 01:03:25 OK.
1120 01:03:27 We will leave soon.
1121 01:03:31 Let me just finish up here.
1122 01:03:56 Mom?
1123 01:03:58 I'm impressed with your attentiveness to your mom.
1124 01:04:01 It's rare.
1125 01:04:03 We tend to warehouse our elderly.
1126 01:04:08 It's really special how devoted a son you are.
1127 01:04:11 I'm glad to hear you say that. That makes me feel better.
1128 01:04:15 Sometimes it...
1129 01:04:18 feels like no one sees the good things you do.
1130 01:04:24 Like you're just alone.
1131 01:04:31 I see it.
1132 01:04:40 I'll wait downstairs.
1133 01:04:42 Give you some privacy.
1134 01:04:48 I don't want to live in a warehouse.
1135 01:04:53 I should end this. Just end it.
1136 01:04:56 I just make a clean break.
1137 01:04:58 No lingering, no waiting for things to get better.
1138 01:05:01 You can only wait so long.
1139 01:05:03 I don't even know who I am in this whole thing anymore,
1140 01:05:06 where I stop and Jake starts.
1141 01:05:08 I'm a pinball. My emotional state is bouncing all over the place.
1142 01:05:12 Jake needs to see me as someone who sees him.
1143 01:05:15 He needs to be seen, and he needs to be seen with approval.
1144 01:05:19 Like that's my purpose in all this, in life.
1145 01:05:21 To approve of Jake, to keep him going.
1146 01:05:24 And he needs to see me as someone whose approval of him is validated
1147 01:05:27 because I'm approved of by others.
1148 01:05:29 "Look at my girlfriend, look at what I won.
1149 01:05:31 She's smart, she's talented, she's sensitive.
1150 01:05:33 She can do this, she knows about that,
1151 01:05:35 she made this, she cares about that."
1152 01:05:37 Let me just take him to the bathroom, then we'll go.
1153 01:05:39 I need to end it.
1154 01:05:41 Is that the girl?
1155 01:05:44 Yes, Dad, Louisa.
1156 01:05:46 Good.
1157 01:05:48 I brought your mother's, uh...
1158 01:05:54 Nightgown.
1159 01:05:56 For her.
1160 01:05:59 That's...
1161 01:06:00 Very kind. I...
1162 01:06:04 I have to go home tonight.
1163 01:06:07 Soon.
1164 01:06:08 Oh, I-I... I don't understand. What does she mean?
1165 01:06:11 I don't know, Dad.
1166 01:06:13 - I can't tell. - I have my shift tomorrow.
1167 01:06:16 She's a waitress.
1168 01:06:20 We... we met when she was serving me.
1169 01:06:24 It's a sweet story.
1170 01:06:27 I asked her about the...
1171 01:06:31 Santa Fe burger.
1172 01:06:36 I'm feeling confused.
1173 01:06:38 Let's just get you to the bathroom.
1174 01:06:41 We don't want another accident.
1175 01:06:43 Remember last night?
1176 01:06:44 What's this old thing doing here?
1177 01:06:46 I'm not sure.
1178 01:06:47 Oh, my goodness, it's filthy.
1179 01:06:49 It's got Jake's baby food on it. What's it doing here?
1180 01:06:52 I tell you,
1181 01:06:52 I would misplace my own head
1182 01:06:54 if it wasn't screwed onto my own head.
1183 01:06:55 Would you be a sweetheart and toss it in the washer?
1184 01:06:57 I just started a load.
1185 01:06:58 My hands are full picking up all these darn toys.
1186 01:07:01 Jake would leave his head on the floor
1187 01:07:02 if it wasn't screwed onto his own head.
1188 01:07:04 Sure.
1189 01:07:05 - Where is it? - In the basement.
1190 01:07:10 I don't think Jake wants me down there.
1191 01:07:11 Jake can be controlling.
1192 01:07:13 You can't allow him to control you.
1193 01:07:15 I think it's the other side of his type of personality.
1194 01:07:18 This diligence thing.
1195 01:07:20 He needs to control everything.
1196 01:07:21 There's so many,
1197 01:07:23 many things that make him nervous.
1198 01:07:25 He keeps closing off more and more of the world. It's a problem.
1199 01:07:29 And the few people he does have left in his life
1200 01:07:31 need to follow all sorts of rules.
1201 01:07:33 It really is a problem.
1202 01:07:35 Yes, I'm probably to blame.
1203 01:07:37 And all this guilt causes me to feel obligated...
1204 01:07:41 to bend over backwards to accommodate his every little whim.
1205 01:07:45 It's a vicious cycle.
1206 01:07:46 So what exactly are you saying to me?
1207 01:07:49 I'm saying, take the darn nightgown to the basement.
1208 01:07:55 Live dangerously.
1209 01:08:30 You... you sent her down?
1210 01:08:32 To the washer.
1211 01:08:34 Mom! Really?
1212 01:08:37 You don't have to do laundry for my mom.
1213 01:08:40 You're a guest,
1214 01:08:42 and we... we... we'll get you a clean nightgown for tonight.
1215 01:08:45 - I don't mind. - Well, we really need...
1216 01:08:47 We really need to get on the road.
1217 01:08:50 I could... I could use some help with the chains.
1218 01:08:53 Right, I'll be up.
1219 01:10:19 It's tragic how few people possess their souls before they die.
1220 01:10:25 "Nothing is more rare in any man," Says Emerson,
1221 01:10:29 "Than an act of his own."
1222 01:10:31 And it's quite true.
1223 01:10:32 Most people are other people.
1224 01:10:35 Their thoughts are someone else's opinions.
1225 01:10:37 Their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
1226 01:10:42 That's an Oscar Wilde quote.
1227 01:10:48 There's only one question to resolve.
1228 01:10:50 I'm scared. I feel a little crazy. I'm not lucid.
1229 01:10:54 The assumptions are right. I can feel my fear growing.
1230 01:10:57 Now is the time for the answer.
1231 01:10:58 Just one question, one question to answer.
1232 01:11:14 Oh, my God.
1233 01:11:16 Jake, is your mom...
1234 01:11:25 She's...
1235 01:11:29 She's asleep.
1236 01:11:32 She's...
1237 01:11:34 We should go.
1238 01:11:37 It's getting treacherous.
1239 01:11:40 Are you certain she's all right?
1240 01:11:42 Out like a light.
1241 01:11:47 It's a good time to go.
1242 01:11:50 What about your dad?
1243 01:11:52 He's...
1244 01:11:55 He's puttering somewhere.
1245 01:11:59 The disposal's out again.
1246 01:12:03 It was great to meet you.
1247 01:12:08 It was great to meet you too.
1248 01:12:13 Thank you so much for your hospitality.
1249 01:12:15 Oh, you're welcome here any time. Yes.
1250 01:12:24 Jake's a good boy, yes?
1251 01:12:27 - Yes. - Yeah?
1252 01:12:29 A good man, I should say.
1253 01:12:32 You agree?
1254 01:12:34 Yes.
1255 01:12:39 OK then, well...
1256 01:13:15 So?
1257 01:13:17 Did you like them?
1258 01:13:20 Uh, y-yes, they're very nice.
1259 01:13:24 Really?
1260 01:13:25 Yes.
1261 01:13:28 They can be a little pushy, but they're basically decent people.
1262 01:13:31 That was eminently clear.
1263 01:13:35 They both loved you, by the way.
1264 01:13:38 That's good. I'm glad.
1265 01:13:41 - So smart, my mother said. - Did she?
1266 01:13:45 Well, not to you. That would've made you uncomfortable.
1267 01:13:48 But, um, when I was helping her with the dishes.
1268 01:13:52 I don't remember Jake helping his mother with the dishes.
1269 01:13:55 I feel uncertain about a lot of what happened tonight.
1270 01:13:58 It felt like...
1271 01:13:59 When you and Dad were discussing...
1272 01:14:01 What?
1273 01:14:03 When you and Dad were discussing...
1274 01:14:05 It seemed as if everything was slightly...
1275 01:14:07 - Tariffs. - Right. Tariffs.
1276 01:14:13 Yeah, I-I do remember now. I'm a little fuzzy.
1277 01:14:16 You did have a lot of wine.
1278 01:14:19 He was thrilled to have someone who knew the difference.
1279 01:14:21 Did I?
1280 01:14:22 You did.
1281 01:14:26 I don't think you noticed, because he kept topping you off.
1282 01:14:29 - Did he? - Yes, yes, yes.
1283 01:14:31 Right.
1284 01:14:33 I didn't notice that.
1285 01:14:34 - Yeah. - Tricky.
1286 01:14:36 Makes it hard to keep count.
1287 01:14:39 - It does. - As I was saying...
1288 01:14:42 All in all, I think everything...
1289 01:14:46 went well.
1290 01:14:46 I think it was a successful visit.
1291 01:14:48 Mm-hmm. Yes.
1292 01:14:51 Everyone got to know each other.
1293 01:14:53 That's true. They're very nice.
1294 01:14:55 - You liked them? - Yes.
1295 01:14:56 They liked you, too. I think that...
1296 01:14:59 I think that's a good sign.
1297 01:15:01 S-Sign?
1298 01:15:02 Sign.
1299 01:15:04 Sign is perhaps not the right word.
1300 01:15:06 The thing.
1301 01:15:08 The good thing.
1302 01:15:10 - Yeah. - Good thing.
1303 01:15:12 It's good when people you like, like each other.
1304 01:15:18 People like to think of themselves
1305 01:15:19 as points moving through time.
1306 01:15:22 But I think it's probably the opposite.
1307 01:15:25 We're stationary,
1308 01:15:27 and time passes through us,
1309 01:15:29 blowing like cold wind,
1310 01:15:32 stealing our heat,
1311 01:15:33 - leaving us chapped and frozen. - What are you thinking?
1312 01:15:36 I don't know, dead.
1313 01:15:40 I feel like I was that wind tonight.
1314 01:15:43 Blowing through Jake's parents.
1315 01:15:45 Seeing them as they were, seeing them as they will be.
1316 01:15:48 - Seeing them after they're gone. - What are you...
1317 01:15:51 - When only I'm left. - What are you thinking?
1318 01:15:53 Only the wind.
1319 01:15:54 Not much.
1320 01:15:59 Really?
1321 01:16:00 I'm tired, Jake. The wine, I guess.
1322 01:16:02 Yes, you did have a lot.
1323 01:16:03 Yes.
1324 01:16:05 It is a depressant, as you know.
1325 01:16:07 Of course I know.
1326 01:16:08 I think it's important for people to keep that in mind
1327 01:16:11 before they make decisions under its influence.
1328 01:16:24 - A Woman Under the Influence. - Amazing film.
1329 01:16:29 I'm not sure I agree.
1330 01:16:34 I've been watching that film
1331 01:16:35 over and over for my essay due Wednesday.
1332 01:16:42 I felt, uh, a kinship
1333 01:16:45 with Mabel, I guess.
1334 01:16:47 She's such a powerful, horribly wronged character.
1335 01:16:51 Is she?
1336 01:16:55 I think...
1337 01:17:02 Mabel Longhetti is bombed out
1338 01:17:04 because she's always trying to please everyone,
1339 01:17:08 so that she can be considered
1340 01:17:09 one more victim-heroine for the women's liberation.
1341 01:17:12 But only by women liberationists
1342 01:17:15 who are willing to accept textbook spin-offs as art.
1343 01:17:18 The Junoesque Gena Rowlands,
1344 01:17:20 Mrs. Cassavetes, is a prodigious actress,
1345 01:17:23 and she never lets go of the character.
1346 01:17:24 I agree. I-I thought she was great in the role.
1347 01:17:29 Seemed to me she... she encompassed...
1348 01:17:31 Now at an indeterminate age
1349 01:17:32 when her beauty has deepened beyond ingenue roles,
1350 01:17:35 Rowlands can look old or young.
1351 01:17:37 Shades of expression transform Mabel Longhetti from...
1352 01:17:41 a radiantly flirtatious beauty into a sad,
1353 01:17:44 sagging neighborhood drunk.
1354 01:17:46 Rowlands externalizes schizophrenic dissolution.
1355 01:17:50 Mabel fragments before your eyes.
1356 01:17:52 A three-ring circus might be taking place in her face.
1357 01:17:56 Rowland's performance is enough for half a dozen tours de force,
1358 01:17:59 a whole row of Oscars. It's exhausting.
1359 01:18:02 Conceivably, she is a great actress, but...
1360 01:18:04 nothing she does is memorable, because she does so much.
1361 01:18:16 It's the most transient big performance I've ever seen.
1362 01:18:20 I guess I'm unclear what you mean by transient?
1363 01:18:26 Mabel tries to slash her wrist,
1364 01:18:28 Nick puts a band-aid on the cut.
1365 01:18:30 The idiot symbolism is enough to make you want to hoot,
1366 01:18:32 but this two-hour and 35-minute movie
1367 01:18:34 leaves you too groggy to do more than moan.
1368 01:18:37 Details that are meant to establish the pathological nature
1369 01:18:40 of the characters surrounding Mabel...
1370 01:18:43 and so show her isolation become instead limp, false moments.
1371 01:18:48 It's unclear whether the characters are unconscious
1372 01:18:50 or whether it's Cassavetes who's unconscious of what he's doing.
1373 01:18:54 The children keep murmuring that they love her.
1374 01:18:56 There's no clue as how to decipher that refrain.
1375 01:18:59 Are they coddling her?
1376 01:19:02 Reversing roles
1377 01:19:03 and treating her like a child in need of reassurance?
1378 01:19:05 Or are they as unashamedly loving as she is?
1379 01:19:08 And what are... what are we to make
1380 01:19:10 of Nick the Pulper's constant assertations?
1381 01:19:12 Is assertations even a word?
1382 01:19:14 - I thought it was assertions. - They're both words. Look it up.
1383 01:19:19 What are we to make of Nick
1384 01:19:20 the Pulper's constant assertations of love?
1385 01:19:22 The... the movie is entirely tendentious.
1386 01:19:25 It's all planned yet it isn't thought out.
1387 01:19:36 I do see what you're saying.
1388 01:19:41 You are certainly the expert on things cinematic.
1389 01:19:46 Yeah.
1390 01:19:49 I am.
1391 01:19:54 I-I guess I was just...
1392 01:19:56 Taken in...
1393 01:19:57 by the... the sympathy that Cassavetes showed for her.
1394 01:20:03 I feel like maybe our society lacks a certain kindness,
1395 01:20:08 a certain willingness to take in the struggles of others...
1396 01:20:15 struggling with, uh, issues caused by...
1397 01:20:19 An alienating society?
1398 01:20:22 I don't know.
1399 01:20:25 Uh, I guess.
1400 01:20:26 Yeah. It seems hopeless.
1401 01:20:31 What does?
1402 01:20:34 All of it. Uh, everything.
1403 01:20:37 Like feeling old,
1404 01:20:38 like your body is going, your hearing, your sight.
1405 01:20:43 You can't see, and you're invisible.
1406 01:20:49 And you've made so many wrong turns.
1407 01:20:53 The lie of it all.
1408 01:20:54 - What is the lie of it all? - I don't know! That...
1409 01:20:58 it's going to get better, that it's never too late,
1410 01:21:00 that...
1411 01:21:01 God has a plan for you.
1412 01:21:03 - That age is just a number. - Shut up.
1413 01:21:05 That...
1414 01:21:07 It's always darkest before the dawn. That...
1415 01:21:11 Every cloud has a fucking silver lining!
1416 01:21:17 That there's...
1417 01:21:19 That there's someone for everyone.
1418 01:21:22 Platitudes all.
1419 01:21:27 Shut up, Mabel! Sit down, Mabel!
1420 01:21:38 And God never gives us more than we can bear.
1421 01:21:41 God's a good egg that way.
1422 01:21:45 Hey, do you want something sweet?
1423 01:21:47 What do you mean?
1424 01:21:48 - Dessert. - Didn't we have dessert at your mom's?
1425 01:21:51 I feel like there was this huge cake thing, or...
1426 01:21:56 True.
1427 01:21:57 I guess I'm a sugar junkie!
1428 01:22:00 I don't know.
1429 01:22:05 It might help me stay awake.
1430 01:22:08 Then definitely!
1431 01:22:10 We need Jake awake for a bit. This is all so treacherous.
1432 01:22:13 There's a Tulsey Town just at the turn-off up ahead.
1433 01:22:16 A Tulsey Town?
1434 01:22:19 Open now? In this? It's freezing.
1435 01:22:22 It is perfect weather for a Brrr.
1436 01:22:28 Don't you think?
1437 01:22:29 Yeah, I guess it is.
1438 01:22:33 ♪ Gettin' Tulsey Town ♪
1439 01:22:36 ♪ We're here to soft serve! ♪
1440 01:22:40 Tulsey Town.
1441 01:22:45 Jesus, I never thought of that before.
1442 01:22:50 What do you suppose Tulsey Town is?
1443 01:22:52 Based on the clown...
1444 01:22:54 I'd say it's a circus town.
1445 01:22:57 Maybe like that place...
1446 01:23:00 uh, where the sideshow folks go during off season.
1447 01:23:03 Ruled by the clown lady?
1448 01:23:06 Well, yes, she wears a crown.
1449 01:23:08 She has a...
1450 01:23:10 clown crown?
1451 01:23:12 A benevolent and tolerant ice cream clown queen.
1452 01:23:17 Made entirely of lactose.
1453 01:23:19 She is lactose tolerant!
1454 01:23:21 She's sweet but cold.
1455 01:23:23 Like your mum.
1456 01:23:30 What do you mean?
1457 01:23:30 Nothing. I don't know why I said that. That just came out.
1458 01:23:33 - Did you think of my mother as cold? - No.
1459 01:23:35 Uh, she was lovely, she really was.
1460 01:23:38 'Cause I don't...
1461 01:23:39 subscribe to that,
1462 01:23:41 the mother is the cause of all psychological problems crap.
1463 01:23:45 That's misogynistic claptrap. Freudian bullshit.
1464 01:23:48 It is tempting...
1465 01:23:50 to have someone to pin it on, though.
1466 01:23:52 Pin what on?
1467 01:23:55 All of it.
1468 01:23:55 Why you feel a certain way, why you are a certain way.
1469 01:24:01 That's misogynistic claptrap. Freudian bullshit.
1470 01:24:05 A person, an adult, has to, at one point or another,
1471 01:24:08 take responsibility for who they are.
1472 01:24:13 Don't you think?
1473 01:24:15 Yes.
1474 01:24:16 Mother's are people with their own pain,
1475 01:24:18 their own history of neglect and abuse.
1476 01:24:21 Yet, at one time or another,
1477 01:24:23 during the 20th century,
1478 01:24:25 every fucking childhood trait was blamed on them:
1479 01:24:27 schizophrenia, autism, narcissism, homosexuality.
1480 01:24:30 Not that homosexuality is akin to any of those other things.
1481 01:24:35 - Obviously. - Uh, yeah. Of course not.
1482 01:24:37 Saying that a mother is to blame for her child's homosexuality
1483 01:24:40 is to imply that homosexuality is somehow negative.
1484 01:24:43 I was just saying that
1485 01:24:44 when homosexuality was considered a pathology
1486 01:24:48 in the DSM before 1973,
1487 01:24:51 a coddling mother
1488 01:24:54 - was often seen as the culprit. - Right.
1489 01:25:01 It's despicable how we label people
1490 01:25:03 and categorize them and dismiss them.
1491 01:25:07 I look at the kids
1492 01:25:09 I see at school every day.
1493 01:25:13 I see the ones who are ostracized. They're...
1494 01:25:16 different. They're out of step.
1495 01:25:18 And I see the lives they'll have because of that.
1496 01:25:21 Sometimes I see them years later, in town, at the supermarket.
1497 01:25:32 I see,
1498 01:25:34 I can tell that they still carry that stuff around with them.
1499 01:25:39 Like a...
1500 01:25:41 black aura.
1501 01:25:45 Like a millstone.
1502 01:25:48 Like an oozing wound.
1503 01:25:52 Jake.
1504 01:25:55 - I'm thinking... - Here!
1505 01:26:00 Oh. Man, that's brutal.
1506 01:26:04 Brutal place, the land of Tulsey Town.
1507 01:26:10 Climate change here too.
1508 01:26:11 Have you read the novel Ice?
1509 01:26:13 - I don't think so. - By Anna Kavan?
1510 01:26:15 I don't think so.
1511 01:26:17 1967, it's a fable of sorts, about...
1512 01:26:20 Let's just get the ice cream and go, it's freezing.
1513 01:26:21 Wait a minute. I just want to see who's on tonight first.
1514 01:26:25 You know the people who work here?
1515 01:26:27 Some of them.
1516 01:26:30 Well, I stop sometimes after visiting my parents.
1517 01:26:32 I don't like some of the girls that work here,
1518 01:26:34 so I just wanna make sure.
1519 01:26:36 - What's wrong with them? - I don't know. People...
1520 01:26:39 can be cold to me.
1521 01:26:41 - Uh, I'm gonna wait in the car. - No, no! Say hello.
1522 01:26:43 They won't come if they know it's me.
1523 01:26:53 - Hello, anybody here? - In a minute!
1524 01:26:55 So, Ice takes place...
1525 01:26:57 during, uh...
1526 01:26:59 an environmental cataclysm,
1527 01:27:01 causing the world to become a frozen wasteland.
1528 01:27:04 And the main...
1529 01:27:06 Hi!
1530 01:27:09 Hi.
1531 01:27:15 Can I help you, sir?
1532 01:27:25 So, I'll have...
1533 01:27:28 Oreo Brr.
1534 01:27:29 And he'll have...
1535 01:27:31 Same.
1536 01:27:32 Uh, two of those, please.
1537 01:27:35 Two "Sames."
1538 01:27:42 Sorry, we need to get back on the road.
1539 01:27:44 So can we get them as quick as... as... as possible?
1540 01:27:50 Sorry, hi.
1541 01:27:52 Sorry about the smell, they're doing some varnishing in the back.
1542 01:27:55 Varnishing?
1543 01:27:58 Shelves.
1544 01:27:59 Oh. No problem.
1545 01:28:03 I know this girl. I've seen her somewhere.
1546 01:28:05 I've seen her before, her... her face.
1547 01:28:08 Her rash, I know her. It's on the tip of my tongue.
1548 01:28:10 Tip of my brain, as Jake says.
1549 01:28:13 She's someone. She's from somewhere.
1550 01:28:15 I'm certain of it.
1551 01:28:19 It's a fucking blizzard out there.
1552 01:28:21 Surprised you were open on a night like this.
1553 01:28:22 It's a fucking blizzard out there, fucking Brrr in here.
1554 01:28:26 Yeah, I-I...
1555 01:28:27 I was thinking the exact same thing.
1556 01:28:32 You're kind.
1557 01:28:34 You're not like them.
1558 01:28:36 Vapid and mean and pretty.
1559 01:28:41 Thanks a lot.
1560 01:28:42 I didn't mean it like that.
1561 01:28:46 I love the way you look.
1562 01:28:47 You... you have a kindness, and of course you're very attractive.
1563 01:28:50 - I didn't mean it like that. - It's OK. I understand.
1564 01:28:54 It's, uh...
1565 01:28:55 It's just, there seem...
1566 01:28:57 seems to be a...
1567 01:28:58 certain hardness that comes with a certain kind of pretty.
1568 01:29:02 You don't have that.
1569 01:29:03 Maybe they suffer too, the pretty ones. I don't know, maybe...
1570 01:29:07 maybe their prettiness causes them suffering.
1571 01:29:10 I'm not a psychiatrist.
1572 01:29:12 What an odd thing to say. Of course she's not a psychiatrist.
1573 01:29:16 She can't be more than 15.
1574 01:29:18 Made them extra high, since you're so nice.
1575 01:29:21 Thanks.
1576 01:29:22 It'll be eight dollars, please?
1577 01:29:25 Jake?
1578 01:29:36 Keep the change.
1579 01:29:38 - Thank you. - You're welcome. Thanks.
1580 01:29:40 I'm worried.
1581 01:29:43 Excuse me?
1582 01:29:44 I shouldn't be saying this.
1583 01:29:46 You OK? Do you need me to call for help?
1584 01:29:48 It's not varnish.
1585 01:29:51 That's not why it smells. You should know that.
1586 01:29:53 What do you mean?
1587 01:29:55 - You don't have to go. - I don't have to go where?
1588 01:29:58 Forward, in time. You...
1589 01:30:01 you can stay here.
1590 01:30:05 I'm very scared.
1591 01:30:06 About what? What are you scared about?
1592 01:30:08 - I'm scared for you. - Thank you.
1593 01:30:12 Have a good night. Be careful. The roads are treacherous.
1594 01:30:40 You notice that girl's arms?
1595 01:30:42 - Which girl? - In the Tulsey Town.
1596 01:30:46 Which girl? There were... several.
1597 01:30:48 Several? There were three.
1598 01:30:50 Several is anything more than two.
1599 01:30:52 Really?
1600 01:30:53 Look it up.
1601 01:30:55 Look it up? Can you stop saying that?
1602 01:30:59 Anyway, the one... the one with the rash all over her arms.
1603 01:31:02 I didn't notice.
1604 01:31:03 You're being willfully obtuse.
1605 01:31:07 Not my intention.
1606 01:31:08 "Not my intention."
1607 01:31:11 Anyway.
1608 01:31:18 How's the Brrr?
1609 01:31:20 - Too sweet? - Yeah, it's sweet.
1610 01:31:22 I always forget how sweet these are.
1611 01:31:24 A little goes a long way.
1612 01:31:27 I don't think I can eat anymore of mine.
1613 01:31:30 You barely touched it.
1614 01:31:32 It's very sweet.
1615 01:31:37 It is a lot.
1616 01:31:42 - Cold? - Yeah. The ice cream, I guess.
1617 01:31:49 We're in the middle of a snow storm.
1618 01:31:52 Whose idea was it to go to Tulsey Town
1619 01:31:54 in the middle of all this, anyway?
1620 01:31:56 I am not saying a word.
1621 01:32:03 How odd.
1622 01:32:05 This is probably the last time I'll ever be in a car with Jake.
1623 01:32:08 Soon this'll all be a distant memory.
1624 01:32:11 We'll both be in different places,
1625 01:32:14 remembering this moment.
1626 01:32:16 This shared laugh.
1627 01:32:18 And maybe there'll be regret.
1628 01:32:23 Maybe time will soften the harder edges, and...
1629 01:32:26 we'll both think that was sort of nice.
1630 01:32:31 Why did it have to end? And there's no way back at that point.
1631 01:32:35 There's never a way back.
1632 01:32:38 - You got quiet all of a sudden. - Just watching the storm.
1633 01:32:42 If you can't even tell the other person what you're thinking,
1634 01:32:45 - that doesn't bode well. - Looks like you're done with it.
1635 01:32:49 What do you mean?
1636 01:32:54 Bit of a wasted stop.
1637 01:32:56 At least I can say I've been to Tulsey Town
1638 01:32:58 in the middle of the night,
1639 01:33:00 in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a snowstorm.
1640 01:33:06 ♪ I'm your favorite clown from Tulsey Town ♪
1641 01:33:10 ♪ Where ice cream grows on trees ♪
1642 01:33:13 ♪ So have no fear, come and join me here ♪
1643 01:33:16 ♪ Eat as much as you please ♪
1644 01:33:19 ♪ I will turn your frown fully upside down ♪
1645 01:33:22 ♪ When you take your very first bite ♪
1646 01:33:26 ♪ Of vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry ♪
1647 01:33:29 ♪ And we're open day and night ♪
1648 01:33:35 That's something I'll never do again.
1649 01:33:37 A supposedly fun thing you'll never do again.
1650 01:33:39 - Yes. - Have you... have you read that?
1651 01:33:41 Read what?
1652 01:33:43 It's a book of essays by David Foster Wallace.
1653 01:33:47 Nope. I have not.
1654 01:33:50 It's a book... A book of essays.
1655 01:33:52 Ah. No, I haven't read it.
1656 01:33:58 We should... we should find some place to dump these.
1657 01:34:00 They're going to melt and get the cup holders all sticky.
1658 01:34:05 OK.
1659 01:34:10 He's got this essay in it about television.
1660 01:34:15 Pretty people tend to appeal...
1661 01:34:21 Pretty people tend to be more pleasing to look at
1662 01:34:25 than non-pretty people.
1663 01:34:27 But when we're talking about television,
1664 01:34:29 the combination of sheer audience size
1665 01:34:31 and quiet psychic intercourse between images and oglers
1666 01:34:34 starts a cycle that both enhances pretty images' appeal
1667 01:34:38 and erodes us viewers' own sense of security
1668 01:34:41 in the face of gazes.
1669 01:34:45 That... that's from the essay.
1670 01:34:48 That's...
1671 01:34:49 that's interesting.
1672 01:34:51 He killed himself.
1673 01:34:52 Yeah. Yeah, I-I think I knew that.
1674 01:34:55 Yeah, everybody knows it.
1675 01:34:57 Even people who know nothing else about David Foster Wallace,
1676 01:35:00 never read a word of his writing.
1677 01:35:03 Suicide becomes the story.
1678 01:35:06 The mythology.
1679 01:35:09 The cautionary tale. It's obnoxious.
1680 01:35:13 It's obnoxious.
1681 01:35:15 I don't think we know how to be human anymore.
1682 01:35:19 Who doesn't?
1683 01:35:20 Our society, our culture, people.
1684 01:35:24 Whatever all this is.
1685 01:35:28 Any of us.
1686 01:35:32 Well, have you ever read any Guy Debord?
1687 01:35:37 - The Society of the Spectacle? - Exactly. Yes.
1688 01:35:40 Yes. Of course.
1689 01:35:42 Debord says...
1690 01:35:45 "The spectacle cannot be understood as a mere visual deception
1691 01:35:48 produced by mass media technologies.
1692 01:35:52 It is a worldview that has actually been materialized."
1693 01:35:54 Watch the world through this glass,
1694 01:35:58 pre-interpreted for us.
1695 01:36:00 And it infects our brains. We become it.
1696 01:36:03 Like a virus.
1697 01:36:13 Listen, these... these melting things are...
1698 01:36:15 are driving me crazy.
1699 01:36:18 They're going to get everything all sticky.
1700 01:36:20 Well, have you got a plastic bag or something?
1701 01:36:23 - No, no, nothing like that. - A napkin maybe?
1702 01:36:25 I want to find a place to dump them.
1703 01:36:28 Well, there doesn't seem to be anything around here.
1704 01:36:31 There's a small road up ahead of us that I know of.
1705 01:36:36 - There'll... there'll be a garbage can. - I don't know.
1706 01:36:39 May... maybe we should just head home.
1707 01:36:44 To the farm?
1708 01:36:44 No. To the city.
1709 01:36:47 I'm worried we're gonna get stuck out here.
1710 01:36:49 If we turn off the main road and get stuck,
1711 01:36:50 no one's gonna find us.
1712 01:36:51 It's not...
1713 01:36:52 I'm not going to feel right if I don't get rid of these.
1714 01:36:56 It'll prey on my mind.
1715 01:36:58 OK? Shit.
1716 01:37:00 Shit.
1717 01:37:02 Hey, hey! It's not... it's... it's not...
1718 01:37:04 it's...
1719 01:37:05 it's not a big deal.
1720 01:37:07 Really.
1721 01:37:10 I know that, Ames.
1722 01:37:13 - Ames? - I know that.
1723 01:37:15 Is that short for Amy?
1724 01:37:18 That doesn't sound right.
1725 01:37:20 That doesn't seem like my name.
1726 01:37:22 Or my nickname.
1727 01:37:23 Let's go here, real quick.
1728 01:37:28 And I'll get to show you my high school.
1729 01:37:30 This...
1730 01:37:32 this goes to a high school?
1731 01:37:33 My high school, where I spent every tortured day.
1732 01:37:37 For so long.
1733 01:37:39 For so goddamn... long.
1734 01:37:42 Can we just turn around? This doesn't feel right.
1735 01:37:46 I don't understand. It's just a... A high school.
1736 01:37:48 - It feels wrong. - I can't turn around. The road is too narrow.
1737 01:37:52 I'll just get to the school,
1738 01:37:54 we'll dump the cups, and we'll leave.
1739 01:37:57 - OK? - No, I-I-I don't...
1740 01:37:58 I don't know what this is.
1741 01:38:00 It doesn't make any sense to me.
1742 01:38:02 How do school buses get down here?
1743 01:38:04 It's a rural high school.
1744 01:38:05 Yeah, I went... I grew up on a farm.
1745 01:38:07 I went to a rural high school.
1746 01:38:09 We... There was a... there was a...
1747 01:38:11 A normal entrance with a paved fucking road.
1748 01:38:14 It's fine. Everything is tinged.
1749 01:38:18 OK? That's the thing you have to realize.
1750 01:38:21 - It's tinged? - Colored by mood, by emotion,
1751 01:38:24 by past experience.
1752 01:38:26 There is no objective reality.
1753 01:38:30 You know there's no color in the universe, right?
1754 01:38:33 Only in the brain.
1755 01:38:36 Just electromagnetic frequencies, the brain tinges them.
1756 01:38:39 Yes, I am a physicist. I know what color is.
1757 01:38:42 Yes, yes. Yes, you are.
1758 01:38:45 You do.
1759 01:38:46 Color is the deeds of light.
1760 01:38:50 It's the deeds and suffering.
1761 01:38:54 That's beautiful.
1762 01:38:58 It's not physicist talk,
1763 01:39:02 but eminently poetic.
1764 01:39:05 Yeah, well, I am a poet after all.
1765 01:39:07 You are. It's beautiful.
1766 01:39:09 - This road seems excessively long. - Seems.
1767 01:39:12 That's the operative word.
1768 01:39:14 Time is another thing that exists only in the brain.
1769 01:39:17 - And yet we get older. - Older and older.
1770 01:39:19 Older and older.
1771 01:39:21 Or so it seems.
1772 01:39:23 Sometimes I feel...
1773 01:39:26 I'm much younger
1774 01:39:28 than I actually am, like still a kid inside,
1775 01:39:31 until I pass a mirror.
1776 01:39:33 - Is younger better? - Yes.
1777 01:39:36 I think so. It's admirable.
1778 01:39:40 Youth is admirable?
1779 01:39:44 How can you admire a person for their age?
1780 01:39:46 It's like admiring a certain point in a stream.
1781 01:39:51 It's healthier,
1782 01:39:53 it's brighter,
1783 01:39:55 it's more fun.
1784 01:39:57 More attractive, hopeful.
1785 01:40:00 Like a Coca-Cola commercial.
1786 01:40:01 Almost all groundbreaking work in science and the arts
1787 01:40:07 is done by young people.
1788 01:40:08 Old people are the ash heap of youth.
1789 01:40:10 Listen, Jake, I-I'm thinking that we need to...
1790 01:40:12 Ta-da!
1791 01:40:15 Wow. I didn't expect anything so enormous.
1792 01:40:18 One hundred and thirty classrooms,
1793 01:40:20 a gymnasium, two locker rooms, boys, girls,
1794 01:40:24 auditorium, ten bathrooms, six administrative offices,
1795 01:40:28 teachers' lounge,
1796 01:40:30 counselor's center.
1797 01:40:32 It's regional, so 11 towns feed into it.
1798 01:40:35 Well, you certainly know your high school.
1799 01:40:37 Like the back of my hand.
1800 01:40:45 - There's someone here. - School maintenance?
1801 01:40:47 Janitor? Something.
1802 01:40:50 What?
1803 01:40:51 There.
1804 01:40:52 Trash can. I knew it. Be right back.
1805 01:41:25 Come on!
1806 01:41:26 Good. Yes, yes!
1807 01:41:31 Where were you?
1808 01:41:32 That bin was filled with road salt for the...
1809 01:41:36 ice.
1810 01:41:37 I remembered there's a...
1811 01:41:39 a dumpster on the other side near the loading docks.
1812 01:41:42 - Mission accomplished. - Let's go.
1813 01:41:44 It's humid in here.
1814 01:41:52 Kind of peaceful.
1815 01:41:53 More creepy than peaceful, I'd say.
1816 01:41:55 - I don't agree. - I want to go.
1817 01:41:57 - What's the rush all of a sudden? - All of the sudden?
1818 01:41:59 I've been like a broken record all night,
1819 01:42:01 telling you that I wanted to go home.
1820 01:42:03 I've given you like 40 reasons why I need to get back tonight.
1821 01:42:14 - I guess that's true. - You guess?
1822 01:42:19 I just thought...
1823 01:42:20 You know.
1824 01:42:24 It's peaceful and quiet here.
1825 01:42:30 Baby, it's cold outside.
1826 01:42:32 Really?
1827 01:42:35 You're gonna quote a rape song at me?
1828 01:42:39 It's not a...
1829 01:42:40 it's not a rape song.
1830 01:42:42 She keeps saying she wants to leave. He keeps ignoring her.
1831 01:42:44 What would you call that?
1832 01:42:47 She wants to stay. She's just afraid of what people will think.
1833 01:42:50 She asks him, "What have you put in my damn drink?"
1834 01:42:54 Jesus. The song was written in 1936.
1835 01:42:58 It's not about roofies!
1836 01:43:00 Roofies or not,
1837 01:43:01 he's trying to break down her defenses with strong liquor.
1838 01:43:03 And anyway, they had mickeys in the '30s.
1839 01:43:05 It's a song about coercion.
1840 01:43:09 I don't know why you're getting so angry.
1841 01:43:11 I just want to go home.
1842 01:43:13 - To the farmhouse? - Not to the fucking farmhouse,
1843 01:43:15 to my house!
1844 01:43:17 Jake, my house!
1845 01:43:18 OK.
1846 01:43:20 Thank you.
1847 01:43:22 And then... and then he says,
1848 01:43:23 "What's the point in hurting my pride,"
1849 01:43:25 like it's her job to make this guy feel sexually attractive.
1850 01:43:27 Regardless of her own desires, like that's...
1851 01:43:29 like that's her responsibility.
1852 01:43:31 I see that.
1853 01:43:34 You have convinced me. I'm sorry.
1854 01:43:49 I'm sorry.
1855 01:43:53 It's all right.
1856 01:44:15 - Jesus. - What?
1857 01:44:16 What?
1858 01:44:17 There was someone watching us.
1859 01:44:19 - I didn't see anyone. - Well, he was watching us.
1860 01:44:21 Like... like a goddamn pervert.
1861 01:44:23 - Let's go. - Believe me,
1862 01:44:24 I'm very familiar with that particular look.
1863 01:44:26 Jake, I just... What the hell does that mean?
1864 01:44:29 I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.
1865 01:44:31 - Jake, don't be ridiculous. - It's not acceptable.
1866 01:44:33 - Jake, let's just go. - No.
1867 01:44:35 - You don't... - I'll be right back. This...
1868 01:44:41 It...
1869 01:44:42 - It's unacceptable! - Let's go! Jake, let's just go!
1870 01:44:44 - I'll be right back. - Don't!
1871 01:44:46 Jake! Don't, please!
1872 01:44:50 Jake!
1873 01:44:53 Crap!
1874 01:44:58 I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have come.
1875 01:45:03 Fuck!
1876 01:45:10 It's hard to say no. I was never taught that.
1877 01:45:13 It's easier just to say yes.
1878 01:45:16 Anyway, sometimes you're just caught off guard.
1879 01:45:18 And the request comes, can I have your number?
1880 01:45:20 And the easiest way out of it is just to say yes,
1881 01:45:22 and then that yes turns into more yes,
1882 01:45:24 and then it's yes, yes, yes.
1883 01:45:39 He's not a monster, he...
1884 01:45:46 Jake?
1885 01:45:58 He doesn't beat you.
1886 01:46:00 Right?
1887 01:46:03 I'm certain the sex has been good.
1888 01:46:04 At least some of the time.
1889 01:46:06 Just...
1890 01:46:09 How long does it take to get hypothermia?
1891 01:46:15 Maybe it's not a bad way to go if I have to go.
1892 01:46:34 Jake?
1893 01:46:36 Jake!
1894 01:46:39 Jake!
1895 01:46:43 Shit, shit, shit!
1896 01:46:46 Oh, my God.
1897 01:46:49 Piece of shit! Shit!
1898 01:46:52 Shit, shit!
1899 01:46:59 Oh, God.
1900 01:48:21 Jake?
1901 01:48:26 Jake, I wanna go. Please?
1902 01:49:21 Hello.
1903 01:49:24 Hello.
1904 01:49:26 I'm sorry. M-My...
1905 01:49:28 My boyfriend came in here.
1906 01:49:29 I think he went to school here a while back.
1907 01:49:34 Maybe you know him, I.. I... I don't...
1908 01:49:36 I don't... I don't know if you were here when...
1909 01:49:39 when he was a student.
1910 01:49:40 I mean, how would I know?
1911 01:49:42 Anyway, I...
1912 01:49:43 You haven't seen anyone around here, have you?
1913 01:49:47 What does your boyfriend look like?
1914 01:49:53 It's hard to describe people.
1915 01:50:00 It was so long ago, I barely remember.
1916 01:50:03 I mean...
1917 01:50:07 We never even talked, is the truth.
1918 01:50:10 I'm not even sure I registered him.
1919 01:50:11 There's a lot of people.
1920 01:50:13 I was there with my girlfriend...
1921 01:50:15 We were celebrating our anniversary,
1922 01:50:16 stopped in for a drink,
1923 01:50:17 and then this guy kept looking at me.
1924 01:50:20 It's a nuisance.
1925 01:50:22 The occupational hazard of... of being a female.
1926 01:50:25 You can't even go for a drink. Always being looked at.
1927 01:50:27 He was a creeper! You know?
1928 01:50:31 And I remember thinking, I wish my boyfriend was here.
1929 01:50:35 Which is...
1930 01:50:36 That's sort of sad,
1931 01:50:37 that being a woman,
1932 01:50:38 the only way a guy leaves you alone
1933 01:50:40 is if you're with another guy.
1934 01:50:41 Like, if... like...
1935 01:50:43 like you've been claimed.
1936 01:50:44 Like you're property, even then.
1937 01:50:45 Anyway, I can't...
1938 01:50:48 I can't remember what he looks like.
1939 01:50:52 Why would I?
1940 01:50:54 Nothing happened.
1941 01:50:58 Maybe it was just...
1942 01:51:00 I think it was just...
1943 01:51:02 Just one of thousands of such non-interactions in my life.
1944 01:51:15 It's like asking me to describe a mosquito that bit me
1945 01:51:19 on an evening 40 years ago.
1946 01:51:28 Well, you haven't seen anyone fitting that description, have you?
1947 01:51:31 I haven't seen anyone.
1948 01:51:35 OK.
1949 01:51:37 I mean...
1950 01:51:38 except you. I see you.
1951 01:51:50 I'm... I'm...
1952 01:51:52 I'm a little worried about him.
1953 01:51:55 I'm sure there's no need.
1954 01:51:59 He's safe if he's here.
1955 01:52:02 It's safe in here.
1956 01:52:04 It's quiet.
1957 01:52:26 Is it OK if I look around for him?
1958 01:52:33 Maybe take your wet shoes off.
1959 01:52:35 I've just cleaned the floors.
1960 01:52:44 No...
1961 01:52:46 They're yours.
1962 01:53:08 Bye.
1963 01:53:10 Yeah.
1964 01:53:12 Bye.
1965 01:53:30 Jake?
1966 01:53:34 Jake?
1967 01:53:37 Jake?
1968 02:02:08 ♪ Come join me ♪
1969 02:02:12 ♪ Come join me ♪
1970 02:02:16 ♪ Come join me ♪
1971 02:02:25 ♪ I'm your favorite clown from Tulsey Town ♪
1972 02:02:28 ♪ Where ice cream grows on trees ♪
1973 02:02:31 ♪ So have no fear, come and join me here ♪
1974 02:02:34 ♪ And eat as much as you please ♪
1975 02:02:36 ♪ I will turn your frown fully upside down ♪
1976 02:02:39 ♪ When you take your very first bite ♪
1977 02:02:42 ♪ Of vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry ♪
1978 02:02:44 ♪ We are open day and night ♪
1979 02:02:54 Come.
1980 02:02:56 Join me.
1981 02:03:18 It's not bad once you stop feeling sorry for yourself
1982 02:03:21 because you're just a pig,
1983 02:03:22 or, even worse, a pig infested with maggots.
1984 02:03:26 Someone has to be a pig infested with maggots, right?
1985 02:03:29 It might as well be you.
1986 02:03:30 It's the luck of the draw.
1987 02:03:32 You play the hand you're dealt.
1988 02:03:33 You make lemonade. You... you move on.
1989 02:03:35 You don't worry about a thing.
1990 02:03:37 That song has always made me cry.
1991 02:03:39 I've always loved it.
1992 02:03:40 There is kindness in the world, you know?
1993 02:03:42 You have to search for it, but it's there.
1994 02:03:44 You're kind.
1995 02:03:45 I'm just evolving.
1996 02:03:46 Even now, even as a ghost, as a memory.
1997 02:03:49 As dust, as you will.
1998 02:03:51 We're the same.
1999 02:03:52 Everything is the same when you look close enough.
2000 02:03:55 As a physicist, you know that.
2001 02:03:56 You, me, ideas. We're all one thing.
2002 02:04:01 Let's get you dressed.
2003 02:04:12 Thank you.
2004 02:04:16 Thank you.
2005 02:04:25 I accept.
2006 02:04:28 I accept...
2007 02:04:32 it all.
2008 02:04:34 Accept your acknowledgment,
2009 02:04:37 this... award.
2010 02:04:39 I accept all...
2011 02:04:41 that it entails.
2012 02:04:43 That this award comes...
2013 02:04:46 near the end of a long, fruitful life,
2014 02:04:53 in acknowledgment for the work I did decades ago.
2015 02:04:58 My quest has taken me through the physical,
2016 02:05:01 the metaphysical,
2017 02:05:03 the delusional...
2018 02:05:05 And back.
2019 02:05:07 And I have made the most important...
2020 02:05:11 discovery of my career...
2021 02:05:14 The most important discovery of my life.
2022 02:05:21 It is only in the mysterious equations of love...
2023 02:05:28 That any logical reasons can be found.
2024 02:05:36 I am only here tonight because of you.
2025 02:05:42 You are the reason I am.
2026 02:05:53 You are all my reasons.
2027 02:05:59 Thank you.
2028 02:06:18 ♪ The floor creaks ♪
2029 02:06:21 ♪ The door squeaks ♪
2030 02:06:25 ♪ There's a field mouse a-nibblin' on a broom ♪
2031 02:06:32 ♪ And I sit by myself ♪
2032 02:06:36 ♪ Like a cobweb on a shelf ♪
2033 02:06:39 ♪ By myself ♪
2034 02:06:42 ♪ In a lonely room ♪
2035 02:06:49 ♪ But when there's a moon in my winder ♪
2036 02:06:55 ♪ And it slants down a beam 'cross my bed ♪
2037 02:07:00 ♪ Then the shadder of a tree starts a-dancin' on the wall ♪
2038 02:07:04 ♪ And a dream starts a-dancin' in my head ♪
2039 02:07:09 ♪ And all the things that I wish fer ♪
2040 02:07:13 ♪ Turn out like I want them to be ♪
2041 02:07:17 ♪ And I'm better than that smart-aleck cowhand ♪
2042 02:07:22 ♪ Who thinks he's better than me ♪
2043 02:07:27 ♪ And the girl that I want ain't afraid of my arms ♪
2044 02:07:32 ♪ And her own soft arms keep me warm ♪
2045 02:07:37 ♪ And her long, tangled hair ♪
2046 02:07:40 ♪ Falls across my face ♪
2047 02:07:43 ♪ Just like the rain in a storm! ♪
2048 02:07:57 ♪ The floor creaks ♪
2049 02:08:01 ♪ The door squeaks ♪
2050 02:08:04 ♪ And a mouse starts a-nibbling on the broom ♪
2051 02:08:12 ♪ And the sun flicks my eyes ♪
2052 02:08:15 ♪ It was all a pack o' lies! ♪
2053 02:08:19 ♪ I'm awake ♪
2054 02:08:21 ♪ In a lonely room ♪
2055 02:08:27 ♪ I ain't gonna dream of her arms no more ♪
2056 02:08:33 ♪ I ain't gonna leave her alone ♪
2057 02:08:38 ♪ Goin' outside ♪
2058 02:08:41 ♪ Git myself a bride ♪
2059 02:08:44 ♪ Git me a woman to call ♪
2060 02:08:49 ♪ My own ♪
