你们这些人 You People(2023)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:06 -Bro, remember Obama?
2 00:00:08 I do not. Who's that?
3 00:00:09 Asshole. You do. Cut it out, man.
4 00:00:11 -Barack Obama. Just hit me. -Of course.
5 00:00:14 Barack Hussein, which by the way is the coldest middle name in the game.
6 00:00:18 It's like if my middle name was Gambino Crime Family.
7 00:00:21 -It's just gangster. Come on, man.
8 00:00:23 -I mean, he smoked Newports. - Newports.
9 00:00:24 What else you gonna say?
10 00:00:26 The president of the United States was smoking Newports.
11 00:00:29 I'm like, this is my guy.
12 00:00:30 Bro, has to be.
13 00:00:31 He's smoking the preferred cigarette of crackheads across the globe.
14 00:00:35 That's what I love about Barack, is like, he's become such an icon.
15 00:00:39 He's kind of like Jesus.
16 00:00:40 Like, he could just be whatever version of him you want him to be.
17 00:00:43 My Barack does gay stuff sometimes.
18 00:00:46 -Only when on coke. You know what I'm saying?
19 00:00:48 He don't do a lot of coke, just, like, a little bit off the nail.
20 00:00:51 And just only when it's, like, special occasions.
21 00:00:53 Like a real big win.
22 00:00:54 He's like, "I'mma do coke and a little bit of gay stuff."
23 00:00:57 Does your Barack do coke to excuse his gay stuff?
24 00:01:00 -Of course. -Right.
25 00:01:02 Then he just has an out at the end to go, like, "I was on coke. It was fine."
26 00:01:05 -Yeah. -Okay. But really he just woke up that day wanting to do some stuff.
27 00:01:09 -"Gonna do gay stuff." -Yeah. -"Let me get a bump."
28 00:01:11 -Yeah.
29 00:01:28 Yo, yo, yo! Welcome to The Mo and E-Z Show.
30 00:01:31 I'm Mo, and to my left is my favorite Jew with nothing to do, my boy E-Z.
31 00:01:36 It was a better time, in general.
32 00:01:38 -2014, bro. Just a good year. -Unbelievable.
33 00:01:41 -Meek Mill was with Nicki.
34 00:01:42 Bobby Shmurda came out and went in.
35 00:01:45 -You had the Ice Bucket, uh, Challenge.
36 00:01:47 -Yes, yes. -What was that, ALS?
37 00:01:49 Dude, ALS is the most paid disease of all time.
38 00:01:52 -ALS made more than LeBron that year.
39 00:01:59 They're like, "Let me tell you what it's like to be rich."
40 00:02:05 The BLM movement, though, is so serious right now.
41 00:02:09 It's everywhere, for sure.
42 00:02:10 This feels like they got the same people who did marketing for Cuties and kale.
43 00:02:13 -They're Blackening everything.
44 00:02:15 Black iCarly, Black Wonder Years,
45 00:02:18 which is set in the same time period,
46 00:02:20 and it's like, bro, I don't wanna watch Black Kevin Arnold
47 00:02:22 gets sprayed by a hose for a half an hour every friggin' Friday.
48 00:02:28 Yeah, I feel like once a Black person won a gold medal for swimming,
49 00:02:31 it was pretty much a wrap on race relations.
50 00:02:34 Yo, I saw a dude fencing in the Olympics, a Black dude, this past Olympics.
51 00:02:37 -I was like, "Man, too much." -You're like, "Over the line."
52 00:02:39 -Over the line. Back up.
53 00:02:41 Like, when they took the Confederate flags out of NASCAR,
54 00:02:43 I was like, "Nah, let 'em have that."
55 00:02:45 You take too much too fast, they be out looking for meat.
56 00:02:48 -You know what I'm saying?
57 00:03:33 -Please be seated.
58 00:03:34 -Oh, my God.
59 00:03:35 That was standing up for 45 minutes. -That was, like, the longest one.
60 00:03:42 So we just finished widduy, the confession,
61 00:03:45 which we do in the plural.
62 00:03:49 Mom, why do I have to wear this dress, and he gets to dress like he's at Summer Jam?
63 00:03:55 Ezra, where's your yarmulke?
64 00:03:59 Oh, shit. Left it in the car.
65 00:04:00 Okay. Honey, I'm not square, okay?
66 00:04:04 Nobody thinks I'm square. Everyone thinks I'm cool.
67 00:04:07 -I'm hip.
68 00:04:08 People think I'm a very youthful person.
69 00:04:11 "I get it." You know, you're expressing yourself with these illustrations.
70 00:04:14 Graffiti all over your body. Okay, fine.
71 00:04:17 But it is Yom Kippur, goddamn it.
72 00:04:21 First of all, can you please stop saying "I get it" and using air quotes?
73 00:04:24 And second of all, when someone says, "I'm cool. I get it," they never are cool, and they never get it.
74 00:04:29 -You shouldn't have to say that. -That's not true.
75 00:04:32 You won't be able to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
76 00:04:34 Bubby, I love you so much, respectfully,
77 00:04:37 but I'll be dead.
78 00:04:39 I don't give a shit where I'm buried, respectfully.
79 00:04:41 You can take my ashes, and you can flush them down the urinal
80 00:04:44 at Dodger Stadium, respectfully.
81 00:04:45 Oh, so now you're disrespecting the Dodgers?
82 00:04:48 I wanna be buried next to Rihanna.
83 00:04:50 -Rihanna? -Yeah.
84 00:04:52 Okay, I'm gonna scrape those tattoos off myself,
85 00:04:55 and I'm gonna bury you in a double-wide coffin with me.
86 00:04:58 -Okay, how about that? -Sounds good.
87 00:05:00 Sounds good.
88 00:05:07 Thanks for that. I appreciate it.
89 00:05:11 You look like a dad who lost his kid at Coachella.
90 00:05:15 You look like the principal of a Hebrew school version of Hogwarts.
91 00:05:20 You look like a young Hulk Hogan.
92 00:05:22 I have a question. What do you and the rabbi talk about in the car
93 00:05:26 on the way to the rabbinical witch outlet store?
94 00:05:31 Is it a lot of music? Or is there heavy conversation?
95 00:05:44 -Ezra! -Hey, how are ya?
96 00:05:46 -How are ya? -How old are you?
97 00:05:49 Got a girlfriend?
98 00:05:51 No.
99 00:05:52 You say that so cavalier, like it's a bad thing.
100 00:05:55 You don't like getting pussy?
101 00:05:57 Well, hearing the word pussy come out of your mouth
102 00:06:00 does make me question whether or not I like it.
103 00:06:02 It's 2022!
104 00:06:03 Maybe the kid enjoys smoking the Hebrew Nationals.
105 00:06:07 I know you're trying to be progressive,
106 00:06:08 but it's coming off crazy homophobic.
107 00:06:15 -Hey, hey, bud, bud. -Hey, Doc.
108 00:06:17 Hi, how's your penis?
109 00:06:21 -Yeah, uh, listen, uh, come with me. -I think-- Let's go to the bathroom, and, uh,
110 00:06:25 we'll take a look, okay?
111 00:06:28 -I'm good. -No, no, it's fine. It's fine.
112 00:06:33 There's not gonna be a charge.
113 00:06:35 -No, it's not the price that concerns me. -It's more the concept.
114 00:06:38 -I see.
115 00:06:39 -You sure? We can go--
116 00:06:41 -Doctor! My teeth are getting crooked again.
117 00:06:44 Uh-huh. If you open your mouth real wide.
118 00:06:46 -Ezzy. -Uh-huh.
119 00:06:47 I want you to be chill right now.
120 00:06:50 -But Kim Glassman is over there. And she is totally checking you out.
121 00:06:55 -Right now, okay?
122 00:06:57 And she just completed her doctorate at Harvard,
123 00:07:00 and she is crazy lit.
124 00:07:03 Right over there. You see her?
125 00:07:04 Yeah, she just-- and she saw you point at her.
126 00:07:06 -She didn't see. -Yeah, she 100% percent saw.
127 00:07:10 She's got it here, here, the whole nine yards.
128 00:07:12 Yeah, you like her body and her mind.
129 00:07:14 -I do. I do. -Okay.
130 00:07:16 Yeah, I think, um, my old orthodontist
131 00:07:18 just did some really weird sexual shit with me just now.
132 00:07:22 Who? Oh, Dr. Green?
133 00:07:23 -Yeah, Dr. Green. -Oh, yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.
134 00:07:26 -He's in trouble?
135 00:07:27 -Yeah, he's in a lot of trouble.
136 00:07:29 -Yeah. -Okay, so that's like a thing?
137 00:07:31 Uh, well, he hasn't been convicted.
138 00:07:33 Totally. In the four seconds I spoke with him,
139 00:07:35 he tried to pull me in the bathroom and look at my dick,
140 00:07:38 so I'm just gonna say I might support the accusers on this one.
141 00:07:41 I will say that there is a legal system, and you have to have respect for the legal system, Ezzy.
142 00:07:45 -Okay. -Yeah.
143 00:07:46 You're backing him on this one.
144 00:07:50 Innocent until proven guilty. I believe in that. I'm sure you do too.
145 00:07:53 -Correct, and I think I'm gonna bounce. -Right? -This has been a lot for one Yom Kippur. -Honey. I love you.
146 00:07:57 -I love you. You look great. Okay. -I love my baby boy.
147 00:08:14 So, um, your mom says you work in finance?
148 00:08:16 Yes, I'm a broker.
149 00:08:18 Well, that's, like, gotta be so exciting, working with so much money all the time.
150 00:08:22 Yeah, it's not really my dream job.
151 00:08:24 Well, what is?
152 00:08:27 You're gonna laugh if I tell you.
153 00:08:28 -Oh, God. You're not, like, a Reiki instructor, are you?
154 00:08:32 No. No, my homie and I, we have a podcast.
155 00:08:38 Seriously?
156 00:08:40 Yeah, yeah.
157 00:08:42 Well, what's it about?
158 00:08:45 The culture.
159 00:08:46 What culture?
160 00:08:48 You know, the culture.
161 00:08:49 Music, fashion, sports.
162 00:08:53 I mean, you're a Jew from West LA. What do you know about the culture?
163 00:09:05 That's a good one.
164 00:09:08 Honestly, I'm starting to think
165 00:09:10 I'm never gonna meet a woman who understands me.
166 00:09:12 Bruh, you have got to stop being so thirsty, man.
167 00:09:16 It's disgusting!
168 00:09:17 I don't think I've heard of a man ever
169 00:09:19 who wanted to be in a relationship so badly besides Drake.
170 00:09:21 And I'm talking Views Drake.
171 00:09:23 I feel like Views Drake.
172 00:09:25 I feel like I'm alone on a building in Toronto
173 00:09:27 dangling my legs off, wondering what it's like to feel companionship.
174 00:09:30 That's the space I'm in.
175 00:09:32 Well, I need you to dig deep down in that little Jewish body of yours
176 00:09:34 and pull out CLB Drake, okay?
177 00:09:36 Certified Lover Boy energy all through here.
178 00:09:38 I don't have Certified Lover Boy energy, Drake energy right now.
179 00:09:45 I'm at an Italian restaurant by myself
180 00:09:48 with a bunch of chains, drinking Manischewitz out of a goblet
181 00:09:51 and wondering when the fuck is it my turn to feel, like, deep happiness and connection.
182 00:09:55 And if I'm being honest about our friendship,
183 00:09:58 I feel like you're being a bit Pusha T right now towards me.
184 00:10:01 And I need you to be more Future to me.
185 00:10:03 I need a collaboration instead of a diss.
186 00:10:05 Well, maybe your ass needs a bully right now, bro.
187 00:10:07 Someone to push you around.
188 00:10:09 You're not even giving me Take Care Drake.
189 00:10:11 You're giving me "Houstatlantavegas" Drake.
190 00:10:13 I'm talking crying over strippers, no beard,
191 00:10:16 big upper lip.
192 00:10:17 Get it together, dawg.
193 00:10:23 I need to be more CLB Drake.
194 00:10:26 You'll be all right.
195 00:10:27 Just gotta find that person, You know what I mean?
196 00:10:29 Like, you need a shorty who surfs, but also can Milly Rock.
197 00:10:36 -Can I help you with that?
198 00:10:37 -Oh, my God. No, I'm good.
199 00:10:39 Come on, why are you acting like this? I feel like you blocked me.
200 00:10:42 Um, I didn't block you, okay? I don't do weird shit like that.
201 00:10:46 -Well, did you change your phone number? -I did.
202 00:10:49 Yo, you don't think that's weird?
203 00:10:51 Chris, do you wanna know why we really just don't work out together?
204 00:10:57 'Cause you don't know how to keep it real.
205 00:10:59 You just say whatever you think I wanna hear,
206 00:11:01 and it feels fake.
207 00:11:02 And I don't really feel seen by you in any way.
208 00:11:06 All I do is see you, girl.
209 00:11:08 I'm always on your social media. I'm staring at you right now.
210 00:11:12 You know what? It's like James Baldwin said.
211 00:11:15 "The most dangerous creation of any society
212 00:11:18 is the man who has nothing to lose."
213 00:11:20 I don't have shit to lose 'cause I already lost you.
214 00:11:24 All right, gimme your phone.
215 00:11:25 Girl, you had me out here sweating.
216 00:11:28 It's so crazy because my dad loves James Baldwin,
217 00:11:33 and that is, like, one of his favorite quotes.
218 00:11:35 And here's a text message from my dad to you,
219 00:11:39 telling you to tell me the same shit.
220 00:11:40 Your father and I are in a book club together.
221 00:11:43 -I don't-- -Peace.
222 00:11:44 -Bye, Chris. -It's an information exchange.
223 00:11:46 -Stay away from my house. -We put each other onto different authors.
224 00:11:50 -Ra-Ra. -Stop calling me that!
225 00:11:52 -Ra-- -It's so weird.
226 00:12:08 My mom just bought some last night.
227 00:12:10 Here he is. Biggest swinging dick in the West!
228 00:12:13 There he is.
229 00:12:14 Got his-- You have a big swinging penis yourself there, my man.
230 00:12:23 The boss man.
231 00:12:24 You made that exchange weird, Ezra.
232 00:12:26 Goddamn it, all right.
233 00:12:28 What's done is done, right?
234 00:12:31 Just throw back a "hey."
235 00:12:33 -Hey. -Grease the wheel and say, "Hey."
236 00:12:35 -Swing it up.
237 00:12:36 -"Hey, boss." -Hey, boss. -"Champ. Killer."
238 00:12:38 "Dude." Not dude.
239 00:12:39 Big dick boss.
240 00:12:40 Or whatever you wanna say.
241 00:12:43 "Here he is, biggest swinging dick in the West."
242 00:12:46 There we go. You have a big penis.
243 00:12:48 -Fuck, dude, I'm sorry. -I'm not even looking for a shake.
244 00:12:50 You're belaboring a greeting.
245 00:12:52 Right.
246 00:12:53 What if I said "great fucking weather" to you, what would you say?
247 00:12:56 The weather's great for you too.
248 00:12:58 You would say that?
249 00:13:00 I don't know, I--
250 00:13:04 -I understand. Got it. -We're burning time. Come on.
251 00:13:06 -Pick it up. -Let's go. Let's sell some stuff.
252 00:13:08 You're the man.
253 00:13:09 -Giddyup. -Let's go, baby.
254 00:13:11 Money, money, money, baby.
255 00:13:20 -Make a complete U-turn. Then a sharp left turn,
256 00:13:24 then another U-turn.
257 00:13:25 What?
258 00:13:29 Make a complete U-turn, then a sharp left turn.
259 00:13:33 -Then another U-turn. -What the fuck!
260 00:13:43 -Make a complete U-turn, then--
261 00:13:46 -What the fuck! What are you doing? -Get the fuck out!
262 00:13:48 -Get out! Help! I'm being attacked! -What?
263 00:13:50 -You're attacking me! Stop! Stop! -Get out!
264 00:13:52 -Please, relax! Fine, okay!
265 00:13:54 But you're not getting five stars. This is fucked up.
266 00:13:57 Fuck you. I'm not no Uber driver.
267 00:14:01 You're not?
268 00:14:02 No, I'm not. I'm on my way to work, weirdo.
269 00:14:05 -Oh, shit. I am so sorry.
270 00:14:08 No, you're not.
271 00:14:09 You saw a Black woman in an inexpensive car
272 00:14:12 and thought it was your God-given white right
273 00:14:15 to get in my backseat and tell me where to go.
274 00:14:17 It's a tale as old as time with your racist ass. Get out!
275 00:14:21 I know this seems like a racism.
276 00:14:24 -But it's not.
277 00:14:35 So I guess Hyacinth-whatever looks like me since we all look alike.
278 00:14:40 I mean, honestly,
279 00:14:43 fucking you guys are twins.
280 00:14:46 Oh, my God, wait. She really does look like me.
281 00:14:49 Yeah, this is like a 23 and Me situation.
282 00:14:51 Like, I wanna introduce you guys.
283 00:14:55 Sir, can you get out of my car, please? Thank you.
284 00:14:58 Look, look, look. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
285 00:15:01 This was insane.
286 00:15:04 Let me make it up to you. I know my way around Century City.
287 00:15:08 Let me get you where you're going. Who said I was lost?
288 00:15:11 Make a complete U-turn, then a sharp left turn,
289 00:15:15 then another U-turn.
290 00:15:18 -Look, okay, but can you hurry up?
291 00:15:20 Because I really cannot be late to work, for real.
292 00:15:22 Of course.
293 00:15:23 -Just make a right at the light. -Okay.
294 00:15:25 This ain't no Driving Miss Daisy shit, okay?
295 00:15:27 -Okay. -Don't kill me.
296 00:15:29 I'm not gonna kill you. Please don't kill me.
297 00:15:31 -I'm not. -You're the one who beat me.
298 00:15:33 I don't know you. Shit.
299 00:15:35 My name is Ezra. What is your name?
300 00:15:37 Amira.
301 00:15:56 Who's Ezra?
302 00:15:57 Hello. Dang, why y'all up in my business?
303 00:16:00 Why's your phone all up in my business?
304 00:16:02 Ezra is somebody I met that I'm going to lunch with.
305 00:16:06 What kind of name is Ezra?
306 00:16:08 Is he like a third-generation civil rights activist
307 00:16:11 or keeping-the-peace ass nigga?
308 00:16:18 He's white?
309 00:16:20 -Nigga! -Shut up!
310 00:16:22 I'm sorry. Just that's new for you.
311 00:16:24 -I know.
312 00:16:25 -Sounds interesting.
313 00:16:27 Well, first of all, you know, don't let Akbar find out about that. Jesus.
314 00:16:31 Well, for your information,
315 00:16:32 I don't date based off of Daddy's approval, okay? I'm grown.
316 00:16:52 Oh, hi, Daddy!
317 00:16:53 -What's up? -Gimme a kiss.
318 00:16:56 What's going on, boy?
319 00:16:58 -Same thing.
320 00:17:00 Yeah.
321 00:17:03 Hey, now, is it my imagination,
322 00:17:05 or are Black folks' hair getting curlier and curlier?
323 00:17:08 Look. Look at everybody's hair.
324 00:17:10 Everybody in the place is all wavy.
325 00:17:13 Except for this nigga.
326 00:17:16 I actually have the nappiest hair in this place.
327 00:17:19 -And I wear it proudly.
328 00:17:22 -How am I the darkest person in the room?
329 00:17:24 There's not one tar-black nigga in this whole room.
330 00:17:27 And I mean, back in the day,
331 00:17:28 that was what you saw the most when you went in a room.
332 00:17:33 Eventually everybody gonna be looking like Bruno Mars.
333 00:17:37 A lot sooner than you think.
334 00:17:39 What that mean?
335 00:17:40 Gonna tell him about your date, Amira?
336 00:17:43 -Shut up, Omar. -Oh, okay.
337 00:17:45 What you talking about? Chris?
338 00:17:48 Oh, no, Daddy, not Chris.
339 00:17:50 -No, not Chris. -Not Chris.
340 00:17:52 He's a Muslim, right?
341 00:17:55 Um, yes. He's African.
342 00:17:57 -He's African. -He's definitely African. And, um, he's Muslim. I think so.
343 00:18:01 Is he Sunni or Nation?
344 00:18:03 S-Sunni.
345 00:18:05 Watch out for those brothers. Yeah, they like Lakers fans.
346 00:18:08 Don't know shit about basketball, but love to be all up at Staples,
347 00:18:11 looking around at everybody, trying to be seen.
348 00:18:13 Isn't the Nation more like Laker fans,
349 00:18:15 'cause they're the ones who just discovered the religion?
350 00:18:18 Shut up, stupid.
351 00:18:20 What you drinking?
352 00:18:21 A tropical banana whip with bee pollen. It's good.
353 00:18:24 Bee pollen? Why you need bee pollen?
354 00:18:26 Bee pollen? What, they ain't have no butterfly dust?
355 00:18:29 You know,
356 00:18:29 I'm starting to hate the world more and more each day.
357 00:18:32 You know, this place used to be our thing.
358 00:18:34 Then white folks figured out
359 00:18:36 that not only did Magic Johnson and Dr. Sebi figure out how to cure AIDS,
360 00:18:40 but we also have delicious patties and smoothies.
361 00:18:42 Yeah, but, like, shouldn't we be happy that they're patronizing our business?
362 00:18:45 But at what cost, Amira?
363 00:18:47 Uh, financial freedom, cultural empowerment, market expansion.
364 00:18:51 You know what? Somebody gonna bust your teeth out one day.
365 00:18:55 You just make sure you pray with this guy.
366 00:18:58 That's how I met your mother.
367 00:18:59 We prayed together, and we knew we was meant for each other.
368 00:19:02 -Mm-mm. -Didn't you meet Mom at Pep Boys?
369 00:19:04 Trying to return a half used bottle of Fix-a-Flat?
370 00:19:06 No, I met your mother, and we fell in love through our mutual
371 00:19:09 love of God and prayer.
372 00:19:12 I'm always telling y'all.
373 00:19:13 If you get your beliefs in line, your heart's gonna follow.
374 00:19:20 So I just imagined the Pep Boys thing?
375 00:19:22 What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
376 00:19:43 Hold up. You're dating a "Black girl" Black girl?
377 00:19:47 I mean, I wouldn't put it that way.
378 00:19:50 Yo, shut-- Bro, you bagged a real one?
379 00:19:54 This is crazy.
380 00:19:56 Wait a minute though. This is way out of your league.
381 00:19:58 If this girl is what you say she is,
382 00:20:00 then I'm pretty sure she smells like cocoa butter and expectations, bro.
383 00:20:03 -You may wanna slow down.
384 00:20:04 -What do you mean?
385 00:20:06 I'm just saying, I hope no one ends up dead.
386 00:20:08 Dead?
387 00:20:10 Yeah, dawg.
388 00:20:11 In this social climate,
389 00:20:13 with this much racial intensity going on in this country now,
390 00:20:16 you chose to pull a move like that?
391 00:20:18 Bold, bro. Real bold.
392 00:20:21 I'm not pulling anything.
393 00:20:23 This isn't 'cause it's, like, a hot new thing. I'm not talking about a tie-dye sweatsuit.
394 00:20:26 I'm talking about a person.
395 00:20:28 A woman who I met, who I found interesting,
396 00:20:30 who's different than the other women that I know,
397 00:20:33 so I asked her out. Who cares?
398 00:20:35 Yo, please tell me you didn't buy a tie-dye sweatsuit.
399 00:20:38 Thank you.
400 00:20:44 You look great.
401 00:20:46 Oh, thank you.
402 00:20:47 I like your fit.
403 00:20:49 Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself.
404 00:20:55 Are those Gucci slides?
405 00:20:57 Yeah. Why? Are you trying to clown?
406 00:20:59 No, I'm not trying to clown. No, not at all. I think they're awesome.
407 00:21:03 And I actually think they're the perfect shoe for a first date.
408 00:21:07 Oh, this is date?
409 00:21:09 Yeah. I mean, we're two adults,
410 00:21:13 at least one of us is interested in getting to know the other one,
411 00:21:16 meeting at a specific place at a designated time,
412 00:21:19 and I'm pretty sure if I asked Siri, "Siri, what is a date?"
413 00:21:22 That would be the exact bar she would spit back at me.
414 00:21:24 Bar? Okay. All right, Ezra.
415 00:21:27 -Trying to cap me up. Brave.
416 00:21:31 And I would never talk shit on your slides.
417 00:21:34 If you like something, you like it.
418 00:21:36 I don't think anybody should be put in a box ever.
419 00:21:43 That's real. I agree with you.
420 00:22:54 Oh, my God, it looks like a fort.
421 00:22:55 It's cute.
422 00:22:57 You know what we're doing?
423 00:22:58 We're being cute! - We're being cute! Oh, God! -Yeah.
424 00:23:01 -You're crazy. -It's like a little tent.
425 00:23:03 I've never done this before.
426 00:23:05 You've just never dated such a creative blanket architect before.
427 00:23:08 Never.
428 00:23:09 I've never dated anybody so cute.
429 00:23:11 Yes, come on, isn't it fun?
430 00:23:13 It's like we're in our own little world.
431 00:23:15 It does feel like we are in our own little world.
432 00:23:19 Play some music. We need, like, a vibe.
433 00:23:22 -Yeah?
434 00:23:25 Yeah. Any requests?
435 00:23:26 No, I trust you.
436 00:23:32 How about this?
437 00:23:40 Oh, I love this song.
438 00:23:44 You do?
439 00:24:18 So look.
440 00:24:19 I just don't be having sex with just anyone,
441 00:24:22 so, whether you like it or not,
442 00:24:25 we kind of go together now.
443 00:24:29 Yeah, that's crazy. I was gonna say a similar kind of thing.
444 00:24:36 Yeah. You're my boo, come on.
445 00:24:40 You already know.
446 00:24:41 -You're obsessed with me. -No!
447 00:24:43 I'm obsessed with you?
448 00:24:44 -Yeah. -Okay.
449 00:24:46 I see you leaving stuff around here.
450 00:24:48 Judaism swagger.
451 00:24:49 It's such a turn-on.
452 00:24:51 -I just want a bagel and lox right now.
453 00:24:53 I love you so much!
454 00:24:56 So much!
455 00:24:57 -I can't even restrain you!
456 00:25:00 Shut up.
457 00:25:11 I think I'm a little nervous.
458 00:25:12 No, don't be nervous. I'm nervous.
459 00:25:14 Why are you nervous?
460 00:25:16 'Cause my family's crazy.
461 00:25:17 Everybody's family's crazy.
462 00:25:19 -No. They're nuts.
463 00:25:22 -Hello!
464 00:25:24 -Hey, Mom. How are you?
465 00:25:27 -Hi.
466 00:25:28 -Mom, this is Amira. Amira, this is my mom Shelley.
467 00:25:31 Hi, Miss Shelley. -It's so nice to meet you.
468 00:25:34 -Oh. Miss Shelley.
469 00:25:35 Oh, my mom would kill me if I didn't address you in that way.
470 00:25:38 Oh, absolutely. Whatever makes you comfortable is fine with me.
471 00:25:41 Oh, my gosh, you are so beautiful.
472 00:25:44 I love your hair. I love your fingernails.
473 00:25:47 Look at these rings!
474 00:25:49 -I love them. -Thank you.
475 00:25:51 -Thank you. -Look at that, your name.
476 00:25:52 What about her earlobes and the bottom of her feet?
477 00:25:55 -Oh, shut up. He loves to give me shit.
478 00:25:57 But I think your earlobes are good too. -I do.
479 00:25:59 Come in. Come in. Come in. -Isn't this fun? -Yeah, good stuff.
480 00:26:03 Honey, honey, come and meet Amira.
481 00:26:06 I hope I'm saying that right. Amira.
482 00:26:09 -Yeah. Amira. It's just Amira. -Amira. Arnold.
483 00:26:11 Come in, come in, come in and sit.
484 00:26:13 -Uh, Amira. Yes! -Yeah.
485 00:26:15 We've got cheese and crackers,
486 00:26:17 but if you need something else,
487 00:26:19 I can have Lupita run to Whole Foods. Don't worry.
488 00:26:21 She's going anyway because she's picking up my dry cleaning from Browns.
489 00:26:24 She's, uh, she's from Guatemala.
490 00:26:27 She, uh, Lupita.
491 00:26:30 Uh, but, you know, we're like sisters, actually.
492 00:26:33 She's literally like family.
493 00:26:35 I mean, it's not even like work for her, really.
494 00:26:41 I'm pretty sure it's like work for her.
495 00:26:42 I don't think Lupita's coming all the way down here just, uh, pro bono,
496 00:26:46 no money exchange, you know.
497 00:26:49 -Oh, come on. -I know. I'm just saying.
498 00:26:51 -No, no, I get it, yeah, but-- -Yeah.
499 00:26:53 Thank you, but that's not necessary. -This looks nice.
500 00:26:56 -Thank you. -Oh, fabulous.
501 00:26:58 So, I understand you're a stylist.
502 00:27:01 Yeah, kind of, I'm, um-- I'm a costume designer. -But that's kind of like styling.
503 00:27:06 -Okay. -And she has the best style.
504 00:27:08 Yes.
505 00:27:09 No, that I can tell, yes.
506 00:27:11 Yeah, I actually do, uh, a little styling myself.
507 00:27:14 -Really? -Yeah.
508 00:27:16 Oh, Ezra never said anything to me about that.
509 00:27:22 No, no. No, no. I mean, on me and Dad-- or on Arnold.
510 00:27:27 -And a few of our friends, yeah. -Okay.
511 00:27:33 Oh, um, how do you do that?
512 00:27:36 Oh, uh, like, curate their clothes--
513 00:27:37 Prune.
514 00:27:38 Exactly. Yeah, and also give away things to shelters.
515 00:27:41 I'm just known as someone with good taste.
516 00:27:44 And, I mean, I'm not trying to brag. That sounds so braggy.
517 00:27:50 So, um, Amira, where are you from?
518 00:27:54 -Here. Well, Baldwin Hills via Inglewood.
519 00:27:58 Okay. Baldwin Hills.
520 00:28:01 Oh, that's something, yeah.
521 00:28:05 uh, Magic Johnson has done a lot of wonderful things.
522 00:28:08 Magic. What a ballplayer.
523 00:28:10 Boyish enthusiasm he played with.
524 00:28:12 -Oh, yeah. -The smile!
525 00:28:13 -Yeah, he has a marvelous smile. -Yeah.
526 00:28:16 Yeah. I saw him once at Gelson's. -He's really tall.
527 00:28:20 Actually, we had an opportunity to buy there about--
528 00:28:23 -It was 15 years ago,
529 00:28:27 Yeah, it's a shame you missed out on that first wave of early gentrification.
530 00:28:31 You could've screwed a lot of people out of their property value.
531 00:28:34 Okay, so this is our lovely and very opinionated daughter Liza.
532 00:28:38 Come and meet your brother's new girlfriend.
533 00:28:40 Hi.
534 00:28:42 Hi.
535 00:28:44 I mean,
536 00:28:46 hey.
537 00:28:47 Okay.
538 00:28:48 Pull over.
539 00:28:51 -She's spoken for.
540 00:28:53 Um, Liza's gay. She's queer. She's lesbian.
541 00:28:56 -L-G-B-T-Q.
542 00:28:59 -You got it all.
543 00:29:00 -Which we love and accept. -Yes. "Because that is our vibe."
544 00:29:04 "That's how we roll."
545 00:29:06 I think she understands. Is she doing the air quote thing again?
546 00:29:10 Yeah, she's just warming up.
547 00:29:15 Oh, thanks. I actually made them out of recycled cans of Mountain Dew.
548 00:29:19 Oh, really?
549 00:29:20 I could easily make you a pair. You could have-- they're prescription--
550 00:29:23 Okay, so I wanna put this out to the group and see how it lands.
551 00:29:28 Oh, shit.
552 00:29:36 fucked up towards Black people.
553 00:29:38 And I, for one, hate it.
554 00:29:40 -To be fair, it's an impossible job. -Dad.
555 00:29:43 Okay, Mom, I'm gonna help you in the kitchen.
556 00:29:45 -What? -Now.
557 00:29:46 You've never offered to help with anything in your life.
558 00:29:48 We're gonna do it now.
559 00:29:49 -Know what else too? -Come on.
560 00:29:51 The National Anthem, I think everybody should kneel.
561 00:29:53 -Enough. Thank you. -No, I do. Really.
562 00:29:55 -Not just the players, in fact. -We're gonna go check this out now.
563 00:29:58 -What are you doing? -Thank you.
564 00:30:03 I'm sorry about my mom. -She's literally a moron.
565 00:30:06 -I like your braids.
566 00:30:08 Thank you.
567 00:30:09 Xzibit had braids.
568 00:30:12 Uh, yeah.
569 00:30:13 Remember that show Pimp My Ride? That was a blast.
570 00:30:15 I loved that show.
571 00:30:16 He seemed like such a cool dude. Such a gentleman.
572 00:30:19 You ever bump into him at any of your showbiz things?
573 00:30:22 -No. -No?
574 00:30:26 -Is he still in the rap game? -Dad, stop.
575 00:30:28 -What? -Just, like, producing sound.
576 00:30:31 -I like X to the Z. What can I say? -Dad.
577 00:30:34 -Over here right now. -What are you-- What's wrong with you?
578 00:30:37 Okay, can you just cool it on everything you are doing and saying in, like,
579 00:30:41 complete totality?
580 00:30:44 You are so rude and annoying.
581 00:30:46 -All right? Yes, you are.
582 00:30:49 I am being me, and I am thriving.
583 00:30:51 And I have gotten through my entire life being me,
584 00:30:54 and I certainly don't need my son to tell me how to behave.
585 00:30:57 My God.
586 00:30:58 It's just with the police stuff and, like, Magic Johnson.
587 00:31:02 Like, you're talking to her like she's a Black person
588 00:31:05 and not my girlfriend who is a person.
589 00:31:07 -That's absurd. I said-- -Is it?
590 00:31:09 Yes, of course! I said, "to the group," okay?
591 00:31:12 I literally said, "I'm throwing this out to the whole group."
592 00:31:16 You weren't throwing it out to the group.
593 00:31:18 'Cause you weren't trying to hear Dad's perspective.
594 00:31:20 You never asked a question like that
595 00:31:22 in every dinner we've had for the past however many years.
596 00:31:25 -I talk about that a lot. -With who?
597 00:31:27 With all of my friends. With everybody I know. We are always--
598 00:31:30 Name one friend you talk about police brutality with.
599 00:31:33 Marilyn.
600 00:31:35 You and Marilyn talk about police brutality?
601 00:31:37 Can't get enough of it.
602 00:31:39 -Can't get enough of that conversation. -I don't buy that.
603 00:31:41 It's a hot topic right now.
604 00:31:44 All right, look. Can we not do this right now?
605 00:31:47 Seriously.
606 00:31:48 This is about meeting that lovely woman out there.
607 00:31:53 And I gotta tell you something, I think she's absolutely wonderful.
608 00:31:59 -You do? -I do.
609 00:32:01 -And I've got a people sense, you know.
610 00:32:03 -No, you don't.
611 00:32:05 Anyway, I think she's wonderful.
612 00:32:08 She is.
613 00:32:12 What?
614 00:32:24 I'm so excited.
615 00:32:27 Yeah.
616 00:32:28 -So you're okay with that?
617 00:32:30 Of course I'm okay with that.
618 00:32:31 Why wouldn't I be okay with that?
619 00:32:34 I don't know. Well, she's not Jewish.
620 00:32:37 Oh, Ezra, you're my baby boy.
621 00:32:42 And you found an amazing woman who makes you happy.
622 00:32:46 End of story.
623 00:32:52 I mean, would it be nice if she were Jewish? Sure.
624 00:32:55 Our people's numbers are dwindling. -It would make your life easier.
625 00:33:01 Our family is growing in such a cool and hip and funky way, you know.
626 00:33:07 Oh, my God! I'm gonna have Black grand babies.
627 00:33:10 Okay. Jesus Christ.
628 00:33:12 We're a family of color. -Mom. -We are the future now.
629 00:33:15 Mom, just, please, don't ever say that or think that again.
630 00:33:26 That was a while back.
631 00:33:28 It's true.
632 00:33:43 -What is happening?
633 00:33:45 So true.
634 00:33:58 That's the truth.
635 00:34:03 Where?
636 00:34:04 -I'm so sorry.
637 00:34:05 -It's okay.
638 00:34:11 -Well, I'm happy for you, E. -Thank you.
639 00:34:13 Have you talked to her family yet?
640 00:34:15 Uh, no.
641 00:34:16 Do you plan to?
642 00:34:18 Yeah, just haven't had the chance to meet them.
643 00:34:21 So you're telling me you're about to ask their only adult daughter
644 00:34:24 to marry you with this baby-ass ring,
645 00:34:27 and you haven't even met her parents?
646 00:34:29 Bro. White dudes really do be out here living by their own code.
647 00:34:33 You're gonna have to make up a story or something for this, bro.
648 00:34:36 Yeah, it is a small ring.
649 00:34:38 You think her family will judge me and stuff?
650 00:34:41 I'm judging you, nigga. This is terrible.
651 00:34:43 Yeah, I thought of that. I thought of that.
652 00:34:45 I'm just gonna be like, "It's my grandma's Holocaust ring."
653 00:34:48 -That's good. That's great. -I mean, game over.
654 00:34:54 But you gotta get it out this box. -It's not a Holocaust box. -You're right.
655 00:34:57 Yeah, you wanna put it in, like, a satchel, dirty it up.
656 00:34:59 -Yeah. -I think you should Holocaust it down.
657 00:35:02 Yeah, we gotta Holocaust it down, for sure.
658 00:35:04 -Indeed.
659 00:35:05 -Yeah. All right, that's a good call.
660 00:35:06 -There's a plan. -Thank you, dude. I appreciate it.
661 00:35:15 It is so nice to meet you guys.
662 00:35:17 What's going on?
663 00:35:18 Tell me about life. How are you? How's work?
664 00:35:22 Talk to me.
665 00:35:26 Grinding. I know.
666 00:35:29 I know. I'm in the grind myself.
667 00:35:39 So do you hang out in the hood all the time, or do you just come up here for our food and women?
668 00:35:45 It's a valid question.
669 00:35:48 -It is.
670 00:35:51 I guess I'm one of those guys who kind of goes wherever.
671 00:35:55 You go wherever?
672 00:35:56 Yeah, I'm kind of like a chameleon in that way, I guess.
673 00:35:59 You know, I'll pop into Marathon and grab a hoodie and some socks,
674 00:36:03 or, you know, go play ball at Langston Hughes Park
675 00:36:07 if there's a good run going,
676 00:36:08 and Roscoe's is obviously one of my go-to's.
677 00:36:10 I mean, the Carol C. Special. Come on!
678 00:36:13 Where's our waiter?
679 00:36:14 I'm gonna go see if the waitperson's here
680 00:36:16 because I feel like we should get it,
681 00:36:18 'cause I think you guys deserve more than this.
682 00:36:25 This is your white granddaddy coming back to haunt me.
683 00:36:28 -What? -That nigga never liked me.
684 00:36:30 And it started off by him putting them strong ass genes in you
685 00:36:34 that lighten up the coffee in my babies.
686 00:36:36 -Akbar, you sound ridiculous. -Yeah.
687 00:36:38 And then he planted a poison pill in my little baby girl
688 00:36:40 and it has grown into this white boy that has invited us to lunch at Roscoe's.
689 00:36:44 Those children got beautiful cultural experiences
690 00:36:48 from those moments with my granddaddy, so please stop.
691 00:36:50 -What they got was confused, clearly.
692 00:36:52 -They are not confused.
693 00:36:53 They are confused. You don't think this is confusion?
694 00:36:56 All I'mma tell you is we don't need to be arguing in front of the white boy, okay?
695 00:37:02 I'm saying what I wanna say,
696 00:37:04 and I don't give a fuck about this white boy.
697 00:37:06 I'm not asking you to do that.
698 00:37:08 Hey, gang.
699 00:37:10 I'm back. I spoke to the waitress,
700 00:37:12 and she was upset that I interrupted her smoke break.
701 00:37:25 It crossed my mind.
702 00:37:27 -Yeah, what the hell is this about?
703 00:37:32 I wanna go way back for a second.
704 00:37:36 Well, let's go with Jesus,
705 00:37:38 'cause Jesus Christ was half Black, half Jewish, right?
706 00:37:43 Jesus Christ, technically, I imagine, had mixed-race children,
707 00:37:53 You know, you have, like, Mariah and Derek Jeter,
708 00:37:55 and then, of course, you have the GOAT. He was mixed race.
709 00:37:59 The GOAT?
710 00:38:00 The Greatest of All Time.
711 00:38:02 Yeah, I know what it means, but who are you referring to?
712 00:38:05 Our guy, the legend.
713 00:38:07 Malcolm X.
714 00:38:08 -Our guy?
715 00:38:13 And I'm saying that, like, he's mixed race
716 00:38:16 and then if Amira and I had a kid, that kid would be mixed race,
717 00:38:20 and it would be a very nice baby.
718 00:38:22 Maybe not as important as Malcolm X, but maybe. Maybe!
719 00:38:26 Maybe my son would be as important as Malcolm X.
720 00:38:29 I don't know 'cause I haven't--
721 00:38:31 And she's not pregnant. She's not pregnant.
722 00:38:34 Because we don't even do that much stuff
723 00:38:38 and when we do,
724 00:38:43 And she's not a prude. She's gr--
725 00:38:45 really, she knows her way around it.
726 00:38:47 -Okay.
727 00:38:49 -What I'm saying is I love your daughter!
728 00:38:57 What in the mother of--
729 00:38:59 I know I quoted Forrest Gump.
730 00:39:01 Yeah, you know what? I did quote Forrest Gump.
731 00:39:03 Because you know who Forrest's best friend was in the world?
732 00:39:06 Bubba.
733 00:39:07 -What?
734 00:39:08 -And was Bubba Black and Forrest white?
735 00:39:12 You bet your fucking ass they were.
736 00:39:17 It was about shrimp and partnership, and they made it work.
737 00:39:21 And Amira and I have done a lot of the similar stuff
738 00:39:24 that Bubba and Forrest did together, and now we're here,
739 00:39:27 and I just wanna marry your daughter, if that's okay.
740 00:39:36 We never seen no fucking Forrest Gump.
741 00:39:41 -Ain't this about a bitch?
742 00:39:45 So it's not bad enough that y'all make me have to get a vaccine
743 00:39:49 so I can go into the casino.
744 00:39:50 -Now y'all coming after my kids?
745 00:39:54 So you wanna marry my daughter?
746 00:39:58 Yes. Yes, I do.
747 00:40:08 you can try.
748 00:40:12 -No, that's him right now, Mama.
749 00:40:15 -Oh, okay, I'll call you back.
750 00:40:22 Hey, what's up?
751 00:40:24 I just got off the phone with my mom.
752 00:40:33 Well, she just told me that you took her and my dad out to lunch.
753 00:40:36 It was a nightmare, okay? I totally blacked out. I fucked up.
754 00:40:39 I have no idea. I don't remember anything.
755 00:40:41 Well, lucky for you, my parents remember everything.
756 00:40:45 Why would you take my parents to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles
757 00:40:47 and without asking me?
758 00:40:50 I was taking a shot at something, okay? Just forget it.
759 00:40:54 Forget it? Oh, no, please, Ezra, keep going,
760 00:40:56 'cause I would love to know about this little brilliant plan of yours.
761 00:41:01 You wouldn't understand, okay?
762 00:41:06 Oh, my God.
763 00:41:10 -We were gonna have a great time, -Oh, my God. And then I was gonna ask their blessing,
764 00:41:13 and I had this whole cute proposal planned,
765 00:41:16 where I was gonna reenact our first few dates, but then it got messed up.
766 00:41:19 -No, it's not messed up. It's not. -No, it is, 'cause your dad--
767 00:41:21 -No, it's not. Ezra! Ezra! -Like, it's ruined.
768 00:41:23 -What? -You can still go through with it.
769 00:41:28 When?
770 00:41:29 -Now! Right now! -Like now?
771 00:41:30 Yes, right now.
772 00:41:34 -Right-- -Hurry up!
773 00:41:36 Okay, I'm gonna take off my shoe so I don't crease it.
774 00:41:47 -I love you so much.
775 00:41:49 I have never felt so understood by somebody in my entire life.
776 00:41:54 I am blown away by your beauty
777 00:41:57 and your intelligence and your grace.
778 00:42:00 And now you just do whatever you wanna do.
779 00:42:04 And if you let me,
780 00:42:06 I will do everything in my power to give you the most beautiful life,
781 00:42:10 filled with love and laughter and joy.
782 00:42:17 Amira, will you marry me?
783 00:42:20 Of course.
784 00:42:21 You will?
785 00:42:23 -Yes!
786 00:42:24 -Oh, my God.
787 00:42:30 Oh, my God!
788 00:42:32 It's from the Holocaust, so that's why it's small.
789 00:42:35 -Oh, I love you. -I love you.
790 00:42:38 I need some color, look.
791 00:42:41 Sorry it's so small.
792 00:42:42 No, it's beautiful.
793 00:42:45 So what's the story again? It's your grandmother's?
794 00:42:48 Yeah, it's my grandmother's. It was her--
795 00:42:51 She got it in the Holocaust or whatever.
796 00:42:54 But like, how old is she if it's from the Holocaust?
797 00:42:58 It's been a minute. I don't know.
798 00:43:00 I think she got engaged when she was, like, three or four years old.
799 00:43:04 -It was a different time, you know. -So stupid.
800 00:43:19 Don, known you my whole life. You've been an incredible boss.
801 00:43:24 I grew up with your kids. Been on family vacations together.
802 00:43:26 You've always looked out for me. Been like a father to me.
803 00:43:30 And working for you these past ten years has been life-changing.
804 00:43:34 But it's time for a new adventure.
805 00:43:37 That's it? That was great!
806 00:43:39 -That was really good.
807 00:43:41 -An adventure in podcasting.
808 00:43:44 Uh, maybe leave the podcast part out.
809 00:43:47 I'm gonna throw up.
810 00:43:48 No, wait, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Listen.
811 00:43:54 You're doing the right thing. You just gotta do it.
812 00:43:56 You understand? You got the juice!
813 00:44:00 Repeat that. "I got the juice."
814 00:44:02 I got the juice.
815 00:44:03 -I got the juice. -I got the juice.
816 00:44:05 Say it with some nuts. I got the juice.
817 00:44:06 -I got the juice! -Believe in yourself!
818 00:44:08 -I got the juice! -I'm not a buster. I got the juice.
819 00:44:10 I'm not a mark-ass buster like Don. I got the juice, bitch!
820 00:44:13 -Period. -Period!
821 00:44:14 Okay. Now, when you get home, we're gonna watch Juice,
822 00:44:17 because I'm sure Shelley didn't let you watch Juice growing up.
823 00:44:20 That is so disrespectful.
824 00:44:21 -Is it? -I've seen Juice more than you.
825 00:44:24 I love you.
826 00:44:25 -I love you. You got this, okay? -Thank you. All right.
827 00:44:28 Come on, Don! You little bitch-ass Don!
828 00:44:32 I'm coming for you, Don!
829 00:44:33 -Okay. -Come on!
830 00:44:38 I do not care, Javier.
831 00:44:42 -Just get it!
832 00:44:45 I don't give a rat's ass, okay? How about that?
833 00:44:47 My Maserati sounds like it got gangbanged by the Toronto Raptors,
834 00:44:52 so fix it!
835 00:44:53 Jesus!
836 00:44:55 What's up?
837 00:44:58 -Cars, huh?
838 00:45:01 Yeah.
839 00:45:12 I don't think I'm gonna--
840 00:45:18 What are you talking about?
841 00:45:19 At a different address, I'm gonna work--
842 00:45:22 I'm not gonna work here at this address, so I'm gonna, like, do a different place
843 00:45:26 that I'm gonna do the work from that's different work.
844 00:45:29 Are you trying to quit on me?
845 00:45:31 Yeah. Goodbye.
846 00:45:35 Pathetic. Who resigns in Helvetica?
847 00:45:38 Wait, so you said, "Fuck you, Don"?
848 00:45:41 Pretty much.
849 00:45:42 What did he say?
850 00:45:43 He was like, "You're a great guy. And like, I'm sorry that--"
851 00:45:47 "Like, I wish I did better in a weird way too."
852 00:45:53 -Period. -You know, period.
853 00:45:55 Oh, I love that.
854 00:45:56 -To the juice. -To the juice!
855 00:46:01 All right.
856 00:46:03 Let's talk wedding before I think too hard about what I actually just did.
857 00:46:08 Um, sure.
858 00:46:10 Huh. That's a super reassuring response.
859 00:46:13 No, babe, I'm sorry.
860 00:46:14 Look, you know I love you to death. I really do.
861 00:46:20 I'm just a little worried.
862 00:46:22 You know, since we got engaged and got the house, my family,
863 00:46:26 they've just been on my head and not in a good way.
864 00:46:29 So they hate me.
865 00:46:30 -No! No, no, they don't. -Your family hates me.
866 00:46:35 Look, this is gonna take some getting used to for them.
867 00:46:39 I mean, and can you honestly say that your family's excited
868 00:46:41 to have my Black ass in the picture?
869 00:46:44 I think a good portion of them are.
870 00:46:46 For sure.
871 00:46:49 All right.
872 00:46:51 Let me think about this.
873 00:46:56 From where I'm sitting, I think there's only one thing left to do.
874 00:47:02 I mean, there are just so many primary colors in this space.
875 00:47:06 -Which is very uplifting. -Alive.
876 00:47:10 It really is.
877 00:47:12 -And we are so thrilled about this. -Mm.
878 00:47:16 -Mm! -I mean, they're just precious.
879 00:47:19 So have you cuties made any, uh, wedding plans yet?
880 00:47:24 You know, we've thrown some ideas around.
881 00:47:26 Yeah, we're thinking something really small and intimate
882 00:47:29 that really just represents us.
883 00:47:31 But we should probably talk about who's gonna officiate the wedding.
884 00:47:34 Oh, Arnold already talked to Rabbi Singer.
885 00:47:37 Singer is in!
886 00:47:38 Yeah, he'd be honored.
887 00:47:40 Rabbi Singer.
888 00:47:42 So you're not gonna go with an imam?
889 00:47:46 Who's Auntie Mom?
890 00:47:48 -There's no Auntie Mom. It's an "imam." -Imam.
891 00:47:51 Mm. I'm so sorry. Can you spell that for me?
892 00:47:52 I'll spell it for you later. It's like a rabbi for Muslim people.
893 00:47:55 -Thank you, Ezra. -Oh.
894 00:47:57 -Oh, so you're all Muslim?
895 00:47:59 -Yes. -Oh, yes, very much so.
896 00:48:01 I love it.
897 00:48:02 That's why I wear this crown.
898 00:48:04 I love your crown. It's gorgeous.
899 00:48:06 Babe, you wanna, um, tell them the story behind that crown?
900 00:48:10 Well, this kufi that I'm wearing right now
901 00:48:13 was actually a gift from the honorable Louis Farrakhan.
902 00:48:17 Love Farrakhan.
903 00:48:24 Love him. Can't get enough.
904 00:48:29 -Really? What do you love about Farrakhan?
905 00:48:31 -Yeah, what do you love about Farrakhan?
906 00:48:34 Probably the same stuff that you do, just more stuff.
907 00:48:39 Can you be a bit more specific?
908 00:48:41 Yeah, um,
909 00:48:43 I think what I love about him is his general vibe.
910 00:48:48 He's got kind of a no-frills attitude.
911 00:48:51 And I just think he tells it like it's gotta be told sometimes.
912 00:48:56 -Just stop, babe. -For sure, yeah.
913 00:48:58 Ooh! Oh, babe, maybe you should finish telling them
914 00:49:01 about our private dinner with the minister.
915 00:49:03 Oh, well, we were blessed to be in Brother Minister's company,
916 00:49:07 and, uh, I got to speak with him for maybe, like, an hour or so.
917 00:49:11 We talked about everything.
918 00:49:13 How far we've come and how far we have to go as a people.
919 00:49:15 No kidding.
920 00:49:16 And at the end of the conversation, he actually took this kufi off
921 00:49:20 and put it on my head.
922 00:49:21 So this is one of my most treasured gifts.
923 00:49:23 -Isn't that incredible? -Yes.
924 00:49:25 Are you familiar with, um, the minister's work?
925 00:49:28 Well, I'm familiar with what he said about the Jews.
926 00:49:31 Let's have dinner. -Yeah. -I am fucking-- so fucking hungry.
927 00:49:34 Let's get up and do it. Whoo!
928 00:49:37 I found this great new Sirius station on the radio.
929 00:49:41 -It's '90s West Coast bangers. -Hey! It has all the stuff.
930 00:49:45 Yeah, Dad, I see you driving down Xzibit highway,
931 00:49:48 and let's refocus it to this dinner that Amira made,
932 00:49:51 because she's a genius.
933 00:49:53 -Okay, well, let's dig in. -All right.
934 00:49:56 So wait, wait, wait, wait. We're not gonna say grace first?
935 00:49:59 -No, I mean, yeah. -Yeah.
936 00:50:01 Oh, I was gonna say grace.
937 00:50:05 Muslim style, so because you're here,
938 00:50:07 maybe out of respect, you would wanna lead.
939 00:50:10 -Mm-hmm. -Well, I will do the honors.
940 00:50:22 Close your eyes.
941 00:50:25 All praises be to Allah, who fed me this and provided it for me
942 00:50:28 without any power or might from myself.
943 00:50:31 -Correct.
944 00:50:36 -Amin. -Definitely.
945 00:50:37 -Amin. -Amen.
946 00:50:39 -Amin.
947 00:50:41 I couldn't have said it better myself.
948 00:50:43 So, Ezra tells me that you guys used to have a boat growing up.
949 00:50:47 Yeah.
950 00:50:48 I was thinking that maybe one day we can
951 00:50:50 rent a boat and go out. -Hang out. -All of us.
952 00:50:53 -That would be really fun. -I can make that happen.
953 00:50:55 -We'll think about it.
954 00:50:57 Because Black folks don't really have a good relationship with boats.
955 00:51:00 That's very true. Or water.
956 00:51:03 Kind of like Jews with trains, right?
957 00:51:05 -Wow. Bingo.
958 00:51:08 Are you trying to compare the Holocaust to slavery?
959 00:51:13 Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing-- I mean, I wouldn't do that.
960 00:51:23 I think the Blacks and the Jews have a similar struggle.
961 00:51:28 Yeah.
962 00:51:29 No. So you are kind of sort of comparing the two.
963 00:51:31 -Just a little bit. -Can you pass the potatoes this way, hmm?
964 00:51:34 Well, the Jews were technically the original slaves.
965 00:51:38 -Right? OG slaves. -Oh, that's interesting.
966 00:51:41 Oh, you going all the way back to Egypt.
967 00:51:44 Okay, well, you do know that that was 3,500 years ago.
968 00:51:47 Slavery is one great-grandparent away for us.
969 00:51:50 -That is correct.
970 00:51:51 -You know. My grandmother picked cotton.
971 00:51:52 Well, Daddy, I don't think that they were trying--
972 00:51:54 -No, it's true, honey. -My grandmother picked cotton.
973 00:51:57 I don't have to go back to Egypt. I just go back 75 years.
974 00:52:00 You know, Jews make up one-half of 1% of the world's population,
975 00:52:03 because we were systematically annihilated.
976 00:52:05 Exactly.
977 00:52:06 The one and one-half percent of the population that you make up
978 00:52:09 seems to be doing pretty good right now.
979 00:52:18 Here's the thing. It's not like we don't work hard for it.
980 00:52:22 You know? I mean Arnold, he works super-duper hard in his practice.
981 00:52:29 And what did his father do?
982 00:52:31 He was a podiatrist.
983 00:52:32 And what about his father?
984 00:52:37 -And a bookie. -Yes, he did that on the side.
985 00:52:40 He went straight.
986 00:52:42 All I'm saying is that our people
987 00:52:44 came here with nothing like everybody else.
988 00:52:46 Actually, you kind of sort of came here
989 00:52:50 with the money that you made from the slave trade.
990 00:52:53 -What? Oh! -Preach.
991 00:52:54 -Preach, Mother. Preach, Mother. -Holy moly.
992 00:52:56 -Come on. -It's true. It's very tr--
993 00:52:58 -I would like to see your sources on that. -Baby, go get my purse.
994 00:53:01 I've got my slave receipts in my purse.
995 00:53:03 -Go get my purse.
996 00:53:04 -Take that off the table. I don't turn on the news every day
997 00:53:08 and see people in yarmulkes getting shot by police
998 00:53:10 because they was out minding their business.
999 00:53:13 Okay, first of all, you have no idea what you're talking about.
1000 00:53:15 -A very uncomfortable conversation.
1001 00:53:17 Ever figure out what happened with the potatoes? An ETA on those?
1002 00:53:20 I'm trying.
1003 00:53:22 Are you okay?
1004 00:53:23 I think we need to blow the candles out. I'm getting an allergic reaction.
1005 00:53:26 Babe, can you move the candles?
1006 00:53:28 -Yes.
1007 00:53:29 -Can you get these candles out of here? -Yes. -Candles smell like shit.
1008 00:53:31 -No, it's okay. I got it.
1009 00:53:33 When my grandmother was picking cotton, your grandfather's picking feet.
1010 00:53:37 Yes, I agree.
1011 00:53:38 I just want you to sit down. I am hosting.
1012 00:53:40 -No, no. There they go!
1013 00:53:43 I am supposed--
1014 00:53:44 -Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
1015 00:53:49 -Oh, shit! -Oh, shit! -Grab some water or something! -Oh, shit! What the fuck!
1016 00:53:52 What are you doing? Hey! No!
1017 00:53:54 -No! No!
1018 00:53:57 -Stop it! -I'm sorry!
1019 00:53:59 Oh, my God.
1020 00:54:01 Oh, Lord.
1021 00:54:03 Oh, shit.
1022 00:54:09 What are we gonna do?
1023 00:54:11 -About the kufi? It's gone, baby. -No, our parents.
1024 00:54:15 Who cares?
1025 00:54:16 Like, we don't even have to worry about that.
1026 00:54:19 I mean, your dad's intense, yeah, but we knew that going in.
1027 00:54:22 What is that supposed to mean?
1028 00:54:25 Guess it's supposed to mean that he didn't smile or make one joke--
1029 00:54:28 Oh, wow. Are you trying to say that my dad's an angry Black man?
1030 00:54:31 I never said he was angry, no.
1031 00:54:33 Yeah, but you're saying a Black man is intense,
1032 00:54:35 which is insinuating that he is.
1033 00:54:37 He is Black, and he's intense.
1034 00:54:40 Yeah, but you don't say that as a white person about a Black person,
1035 00:54:43 calling them "aggressive" or "intense."
1036 00:54:45 That's being passive-aggressive saying that he's an angry Black man.
1037 00:54:48 -Should I say he's not intense? -Say nothing about my dad.
1038 00:54:51 If anyone should have any beef, it's with your mom.
1039 00:54:53 She set my dad's kufi on fire.
1040 00:54:55 What's wrong with my mom? I mean, yeah, she's, like, an idiot,
1041 00:54:58 but she still, like, means well.
1042 00:55:00 It's not like she did it on purpose.
1043 00:55:02 Mm. Yeah, I don't know about that.
1044 00:55:05 All right, I'm not gonna argue about something so ridiculous, okay?
1045 00:55:09 All right, let's talk about the rabbi.
1046 00:55:11 I don't think we need that. Let's just have a friend of ours do it.
1047 00:55:15 Um, I would like to use our imam.
1048 00:55:18 Your imam?
1049 00:55:21 Okay, Miss Shakur. When did you get so Muslim?
1050 00:55:22 I've been Muslim. I was born Muslim.
1051 00:55:26 And it's important to my dad, so I think we should go with it.
1052 00:55:28 Was that Muslim bacon you ate yesterday? It actually was. It was Jewish bacon.
1053 00:55:32 -Jewish bacon? -Yeah.
1054 00:55:33 -I don't claim to be super Jewish. -Okay. -I eat bacon all day. I don't care.
1055 00:55:36 -Okay. Well, so what? And?
1056 00:55:37 -Yeah, you want an imam to marry us. -So?
1057 00:55:39 Want me to face the bed towards Mecca?
1058 00:55:41 -I can do that. -Actually, I do. Very much so.
1059 00:55:43 Okay, cool, I love that four hours ago you became a devout Muslim.
1060 00:55:46 -For sure. -Your dad's not even that Muslim!
1061 00:55:48 He heard "Fight the Power" once and changed his name from Woody to Akbar.
1062 00:55:51 Okay, now you're going all out of line. Relax.
1063 00:55:54 -You told me that. We joke about it. -Yeah.
1064 00:55:56 But I didn't tell you that for you to turn around and tell me. You're being--
1065 00:55:59 Really, low-key, you're being an asshole.
1066 00:56:02 -I'm being an asshole?
1067 00:56:03 -Yes.
1068 00:56:06 -Okay.
1069 00:56:10 You know what? I really-- I don't wanna fight. I can't.
1070 00:56:14 I don't wanna fight about it, okay?
1071 00:56:20 Me either. I don't wanna fight about it either.
1072 00:56:25 Look, I think our time would be best used
1073 00:56:28 if we just think about how to move forward.
1074 00:56:31 I agree.
1075 00:56:34 I'm gonna pitch that we just never speak to these people ever again
1076 00:56:37 and just a full, clean break.
1077 00:56:40 We cannot do that.
1078 00:56:43 You know, I'm thinking that maybe if we spend more time with them together,
1079 00:56:48 maybe you and my dad can kind of hang out, just you and him.
1080 00:56:53 Sounds rad.
1081 00:56:54 Then I think he can get comfortable with you, you know.
1082 00:56:56 And then maybe he'll see what we have going on.
1083 00:57:04 -Okay.
1084 00:57:05 -Okay.
1085 00:57:08 -Okay.
1086 00:57:09 I gotta go to sleep. I started my period, and it's just been hell.
1087 00:57:12 Yeah, I'm worried too,
1088 00:57:14 'cause I haven't gotten my period in, like, 35 years.
1089 00:57:18 -I should see a doctor or something.
1090 00:57:48 Amira told me that you gave up a job in finance
1091 00:57:51 so you could start a podcast.
1092 00:57:56 Yes, that is true.
1093 00:57:57 I know it sounds crazy.
1094 00:57:59 Oh, so you do know that that sounds crazy?
1095 00:58:03 Yes, yeah, I mean, I do. I mean--
1096 00:58:05 -You know it sounds crazy.
1097 00:58:09 Look, she's amazing, and she was like,
1098 00:58:11 "Life is short, and you gotta follow your dream," you know.
1099 00:58:14 How are you gonna support my daughter by following a dream?
1100 00:58:18 Do you have, like, some dream Bitcoin
1101 00:58:21 or a dream 401or some shit?
1102 00:58:25 I don't have a dream 401.
1103 00:58:27 But I am gonna give it everything I have.
1104 00:58:32 You're gonna give it everything you've got?
1105 00:58:34 That sounds like some white boy shit.
1106 00:58:36 "I'm gonna give it everything I've got!"
1107 00:58:37 Yeah, I see it. I can handle the jokes like that, for sure.
1108 00:58:40 I'm not joking.
1109 00:58:42 No, I know you're not joking. I think that's-- I'm saying you're doing a good--
1110 00:58:45 I'm not trying to do shit. I'm saying what you just said.
1111 00:58:49 Right. You weren't doing an impression.
1112 00:58:51 Again, I wasn't saying you were doing an impression.
1113 00:58:53 Nigga, I don't do impressions.
1114 00:58:55 I don't think-- I don't even--
1115 00:58:57 I don't think you do impressions.
1116 00:58:59 You know, I really did enjoy meeting your parents the other night,
1117 00:59:02 but I felt so horrible about your father's kufi.
1118 00:59:06 -You know?
1119 00:59:10 and I was thinking maybe I could frame it or something.
1120 00:59:13 -Oh, no. It's okay. -Yeah.
1121 00:59:14 -You sure? I could take it to Michaels. -Oh, yeah.
1122 00:59:17 And they actually do a pretty good job.
1123 00:59:18 You wouldn't think it for a craft store, but they do.
1124 00:59:22 He has a lot of kufis at home. It's fine.
1125 00:59:25 -Oh, he does? -Yes.
1126 00:59:26 Oh, okay. He's got a kufi closet.
1127 00:59:29 No, it's not a closet.
1128 00:59:33 -It's actually a respectful situation.
1129 00:59:35 Oh, yes, absolutely. I'm sure it's just a nice shelf, yes.
1130 00:59:43 Sorry. I love this song.
1131 00:59:45 Yeah, it's a hot one.
1132 00:59:47 -It's provocative. Gets the people going. -Why--
1133 00:59:50 Why you like this song so much?
1134 00:59:53 Oh, it's amazing, man. It's provocative.
1135 00:59:54 Yeah. What, you like the lyrics?
1136 00:59:57 I just think it's, like, a jam. It's just a jam, you know.
1137 01:00:01 Yeah, you know what?
1138 01:00:02 What's the title of this song again? I forgot the name of this song.
1139 01:00:08 -The name of this song. What is it? -It's so provocative. -What is it?
1140 01:00:11 I don't know. I think--
1141 01:00:12 is it "In Paris?" Something about something in Paris.
1142 01:00:18 -That's not it. -Is it "Midnight in Paris"?
1143 01:00:20 It's not "Midnight." It's not "Midnight."
1144 01:00:22 It's somebody else is in Paris.
1145 01:00:25 -A pack of pals in Paris?
1146 01:00:27 -That's close.
1147 01:00:28 Are you cold?
1148 01:00:29 -No. -There's seat heaters even.
1149 01:00:31 -Oh. No, I'm okay. Thank you.
1150 01:00:33 -Okay.
1151 01:00:35 -Ooh, I love this song. It is so fire.
1152 01:00:37 -Do you love it?
1153 01:00:39 -Oh, yeah, I know this song.
1154 01:00:43 Oh, it kills me.
1155 01:00:53 Don't you love that part?
1156 01:00:58 You know, it's so funny 'cause I think I don't know the title of the track.
1157 01:01:01 But I think-- And that's not what I respond to.
1158 01:01:04 I think I respond to more what it's about, which is like
1159 01:01:09 friendship
1160 01:01:11 with a Parisian backdrop.
1161 01:01:27 -It's about everybody, you know.
1162 01:01:30 More your friends maybe together than mine--
1163 01:01:35 -Or the four of us. -Four of us will go to Paris.
1164 01:01:37 Then we'll be just like this record.
1165 01:01:40 If we went to Paris. Almost like this record.
1166 01:01:43 It'll be 75% of this record if we went to Paris together with you.
1167 01:01:57 Can't quite do that note.
1168 01:02:18 Hey, nigga, didn't I tell your ass no guns in here?
1169 01:02:21 -Put that away. That's the third time I told you.
1170 01:02:24 God damn it!
1171 01:02:32 Oh, hey, what's up, Ak?
1172 01:02:33 -What's going on, Ant? -I'm all right.
1173 01:02:39 You and your pigment-challenged friend have a seat there.
1174 01:02:41 I got a bleeder. Let me get this Gorilla Glue.
1175 01:02:44 I hope the wait ain't too long.
1176 01:02:46 You don't have a problem with getting lined up here, do you?
1177 01:02:49 Yeah. I'm chilling. This place is dope.
1178 01:02:52 That's right.
1179 01:02:54 Although, there appears to be a dress code that I wasn't informed of.
1180 01:02:58 Great, then we're good.
1181 01:03:00 Hey, Ak, what's up with White Cuzz?
1182 01:03:04 Well, I don't know, man. You know, honestly, I don't really know this nigga.
1183 01:03:09 Am I White Cuzz?
1184 01:03:11 -Well, I'm not.
1185 01:03:12 -Hey, yo, White Cuzz.
1186 01:03:14 I'm White Cuzz, for sure.
1187 01:03:16 What's up, man?
1188 01:03:18 Why don't you do me a favor, slide out of that dead hoodie for me?
1189 01:03:21 Your hoodie, nigga, wrong color. Why don't you take that shit off?
1190 01:03:25 Oh, shit.
1191 01:03:27 Oh, yeah, you know what? It is humid as fuck. Definitely.
1192 01:03:30 It's funny. You were so cold in the car a second ago.
1193 01:03:32 I know, because the AC was blowing at my throat.
1194 01:03:35 And I was scared of getting strep, and then I'm not anymore,
1195 01:03:39 because we're in this, like, small place with a bunch of people.
1196 01:03:42 So I'm like, it's all good. I'm just gonna take the hoodie off.
1197 01:03:45 Okay. Wait a minute. Are you sure you wanna do that?
1198 01:03:49 I mean, who am I?
1199 01:03:50 But what's gonna happen after you take that off? What's next?
1200 01:03:53 Gonna be getting cornered by his crew out in the shower.
1201 01:03:56 Fighting for your manhood every day, till you get tired and tap out.
1202 01:04:00 And then you be a certified rag doll.
1203 01:04:03 Certified rag doll?
1204 01:04:04 Have you doing their laundry and taking your commissary tray.
1205 01:04:08 And the very last face you see
1206 01:04:09 before you cry yourself to sleep every night will be his.
1207 01:04:12 And the first face you see in the morning
1208 01:04:14 when you wake up from your nightmares will be his.
1209 01:04:17 Now, is this the kind of never-ending vicious cycle
1210 01:04:20 you wanna get subjected to
1211 01:04:21 just 'cause you wanted to take your hoodie off?
1212 01:04:26 They have a commissary here?
1213 01:04:28 I always wanted to take my daughter-in-law on a date like this.
1214 01:04:32 -Okay, I'm excited. -Yeah. Yeah.
1215 01:04:34 -Hi.
1216 01:04:39 Wow. That's attitude.
1217 01:04:41 Anyway, they offer this beeswax wrap here.
1218 01:04:43 It's actually from beehives.
1219 01:04:46 -Really? -Yeah.
1220 01:04:47 They have hives here and--
1221 01:04:49 -Hey. -Hi.
1222 01:04:50 Don't you look cute.
1223 01:04:52 Yeah, that's no problem. Are you okay with a male therapist?
1224 01:04:59 I am so sorry.
1225 01:05:01 Sorry for what?
1226 01:05:05 No, what just happened?
1227 01:05:08 Okay. Just so you know, I come here all the time.
1228 01:05:11 -Right? -Okay, yeah.
1229 01:05:12 -And so then I come in here with you.
1230 01:05:15 And they let some white woman just go in front of us.
1231 01:05:21 I mean, maybe her appointment was just ahead of ours.
1232 01:05:24 I can't believe what you have to go through.
1233 01:05:26 -What? What are you--? -Hang on just a second.
1234 01:05:29 -No, I really don't think you should-- -I got it.
1235 01:05:30 Okay, you are.
1236 01:05:33 Hi.
1237 01:05:39 as a future mother-in-law of an African-
1238 01:05:42 American woman in America,
1239 01:05:47 I am appalled, and I am disgusted
1240 01:05:50 to have witnessed the racism that I just witnessed.
1241 01:05:55 Wait, what are you talking about?
1242 01:05:56 Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
1243 01:06:01 Hey.
1244 01:06:05 Miss Shelley. How about we get us some air?
1245 01:06:10 -Uh, yeah. We're gonna get some air. -Get some air.
1246 01:06:13 -Oh. -Um, it's under Cohen with-- with a C.
1247 01:06:16 -Yep.
1248 01:06:18 -Get some air.
1249 01:06:41 -This looks like a decent run.
1250 01:06:43 -Yeah, man.
1251 01:06:44 -What's up, Ak? -What's up?
1252 01:06:46 Hey, is this anything like Hughes Park?
1253 01:06:48 Huh?
1254 01:06:49 Langston Hughes Park. You mentioned that you play there all the time.
1255 01:06:52 Although a pretty extensive Google search
1256 01:06:54 and literally every single person I asked about it never heard of it.
1257 01:07:07 Also, it's like a pop-up Langston Hughes,
1258 01:07:12 Sort of charisma to it, for sure.
1259 01:07:14 Yeah, man, why don't you go out there and get a run in?
1260 01:07:18 -Now? -Yeah, man, go play.
1261 01:07:21 I think there's, like, a lot of people waiting and stuff.
1262 01:07:23 Hey, can my man play?
1263 01:07:25 Yeah, come on in. Let's ball.
1264 01:07:26 You got next.
1265 01:07:27 -Hurry up. -All right, yeah.
1266 01:07:29 All right, now, go out there and get your Langston Hughes on.
1267 01:07:33 I'm gonna.
1268 01:07:34 Yeah. Hey. "Life for me ain't been no crystal stair."
1269 01:07:39 -That's good.
1270 01:07:40 -Uh, that's Langston Hughes.
1271 01:07:42 I know, dude.
1272 01:07:43 I say that shit all the time. That's my email signature.
1273 01:07:54 -What the hell you doing, bro?
1274 01:07:55 -Oh, you're filming this?
1275 01:07:57 -Yeah, kind of. -You don't have to.
1276 01:07:59 -I know it. I'm doing it for me. -Okay.
1277 01:08:02 -Come on now, Langston.
1278 01:08:05 Swing that.
1279 01:08:08 -Come on, dude! -Come on now, Langston.
1280 01:08:29 You weren't filming that?
1281 01:08:30 Nah, I'mma get the next one though.
1282 01:08:34 Now go around him. That's right.
1283 01:08:37 Come on now. Hey, y'all gonna just let him do that?
1284 01:08:53 Mr. Mohammad, this was awesome. We gotta do it again.
1285 01:08:55 Yeah, I had a ball.
1286 01:08:57 Throw me on a text with these guys. They're too much.
1287 01:09:05 -What are you saying? -Dude.
1288 01:09:08 Black people and white people will never be cool. Period.
1289 01:09:12 -What the fuck are you talking about? -The truth, dawg.
1290 01:09:15 You're my best friend and my business partner.
1291 01:09:18 Yeah, that's how powerful this shit is, bro.
1292 01:09:21 It's kind of like when you cheat on a woman, right?
1293 01:09:24 When you cheat on a woman, it's like you try to move forward but never can.
1294 01:09:27 Why? 'Cause she just keeps asking questions.
1295 01:09:29 She needs to know every detail. She won't let it go, you know.
1296 01:09:32 It's like, "Did you strap her?"
1297 01:09:34 "Did she suck it? Did you guys do anal?"
1298 01:09:37 This is not where I was expecting this to go.
1299 01:09:40 Oh, I mean, it's where it needs to go, man, 'cause it's the truth.
1300 01:09:43 For Black people in this country, white dudes are the cheater.
1301 01:09:48 And we're the chick who can't move on.
1302 01:09:51 No matter how bad we want to,
1303 01:09:53 we can't forget what y'all did and what y'all are still doing.
1304 01:10:10 For those who don't know who I am, I am Demetrius, uh, Amira's cousin.
1305 01:10:14 Love her to death.
1306 01:10:15 And, uh, I'm a wedding planner.
1307 01:10:17 Okay, first off, my name is "Amira,"
1308 01:10:20 and you do day parties at the airport DoubleTree.
1309 01:10:24 Uh, business is expanding as it should, right?
1310 01:10:27 I mean, if you ain't escalating, what you doing?
1311 01:10:30 -You know? -Yeah.
1312 01:10:33 Well, um, I am Becca and, uh, also a party planner.
1313 01:10:38 -I am an old friend of the Cohens. -Yeah.
1314 01:10:41 I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be rude or anything.
1315 01:10:46 -Oh, Amira.
1316 01:10:48 -Look, I can't stress this enough.
1317 01:10:50 But I told you stress is gonna be extra
1318 01:10:55 Don't worry about it. She's gonna cooperate.
1319 01:10:57 Thank you.
1320 01:10:58 You know, you really don't have a lot of time.
1321 01:11:00 so I do think we have to jump in pretty quickly.
1322 01:11:02 I thought maybe we could start with a theme, lock that down.
1323 01:11:06 Um, and I was thinking maybe like an old Hollywood.
1324 01:11:09 I love old Hollywood.
1325 01:11:11 Right? I know.
1326 01:11:12 You love the period when Black entertainers
1327 01:11:15 couldn't stay in the hotels they performed in?
1328 01:11:19 -That's an excellent point.
1329 01:11:21 You know, I've always hated Gone with the Wind.
1330 01:11:23 Way before you were supposed to.
1331 01:11:25 Before it was cool.
1332 01:11:27 See, the spirit is moving me to move in this direction, which is, uh,
1333 01:11:30 I was thinking more of, like, a Tron type of feel.
1334 01:11:33 You know? Remember the '80s Tron?
1335 01:11:35 -No. -Yeah.
1336 01:11:36 So we have a Tron type of wedding, but a hood Tron, you know.
1337 01:11:41 by having, uh, LED light suits instead of the regular suits.
1338 01:11:45 Have it in the hood, having real people doing real things in the Tron world.
1339 01:11:50 -I like that. -I don't.
1340 01:11:52 -Yeah, yeah, yeah, brother, there we are.
1341 01:11:54 A little clarity.
1342 01:11:55 Do you mean that everybody wears the same suit to the wedding?
1343 01:11:58 Nah, you pick your color, but you gotta get in where you fit in.
1344 01:12:01 First come, first serve.
1345 01:12:02 I want a red-- I want a red one.
1346 01:12:04 You want the red one? We got that. So the red is gone.
1347 01:12:06 Where do we get the suits?
1348 01:12:08 Oh, I'll bring the suits, yeah.
1349 01:12:10 I'll bring the suits. I got 40 hood Tron suits, and, uh, they light up.
1350 01:12:13 -All of 'em work. It's gonna be great.
1351 01:12:16 -And you have 40 of them? -Forty of 'em.
1352 01:12:18 Anybody outside of y'all wedding, more than 40 people,
1353 01:12:21 then that's on y'all.
1354 01:12:23 I wouldn't bring them 'cause they couldn't fit in the suit.
1355 01:12:26 They gonna look weird without being in a suit.
1356 01:12:28 -It'll be cool, brother. There you go. -That sounds different.
1357 01:12:31 -Ain't nobody did the Tron wedding. -Ain't nobody did that.
1358 01:12:34 Yo, our parents are killing us.
1359 01:12:36 I know.
1360 01:12:37 The good news is we are almost done with it.
1361 01:12:41 And they've been so busy, they're basically out of our lives.
1362 01:12:44 You're right. I haven't heard from my mom in days.
1363 01:12:46 It's been amazing.
1364 01:12:48 Yeah, I haven't heard from my dad either, which is rare,
1365 01:12:50 because he hasn't even sent one of his "form follows function" texts.
1366 01:12:55 Do you think something terrible happened to him?
1367 01:12:57 Oh, my God, no. Why would you say that?
1368 01:13:00 No, I-- that would be horrible.
1369 01:13:03 That would be the worst. I'm just making sure he's okay.
1370 01:13:07 Anyway, babe, I gotta go.
1371 01:13:09 -I don't wanna be late. Kiss. -You look beautiful.
1372 01:13:12 Thank you.
1373 01:13:13 You're gonna kill it. Remember, you got the juice.
1374 01:13:16 You really haven't seen that movie, have you?
1375 01:13:18 If you fucking say I haven't seen Juice one more time,
1376 01:13:20 I will leave your ass.
1377 01:13:24 That's why with the Victorian dress, I went with the blues and the greens.
1378 01:13:28 A very rich color for this time.
1379 01:13:30 And just so you guys know, I have really great relationships downtown,
1380 01:13:33 and I can get high-quality fabrics for, like, a fraction of the cost.
1381 01:13:36 -This is great. -Yeah.
1382 01:13:38 I would love to leave you guys with some of my sketches.
1383 01:13:40 That would be amazing.
1384 01:13:41 Man. And can you remind me when you graduated Harvard?
1385 01:13:44 It's just maybe we know the same people.
1386 01:13:51 Howard. Sounds kind of similar.
1387 01:13:54 It's like a Black Harvard.
1388 01:13:57 Interesting.
1389 01:14:01 Let's go!
1390 01:14:02 No, I'm telling you, this bachelor party's exactly what you need
1391 01:14:05 to get your mind right before the wedding, homie.
1392 01:14:07 I'm so fucking stressed, bro. I can't wait.
1393 01:14:10 Vegas with the motherfucking squad, nigga. We gonna have so much fun.
1394 01:14:14 Bro, I'm gonna do molly and lick a stripper's toes, man.
1395 01:14:16 Shit's gonna be lit.
1396 01:14:18 Hey. What's going on, y'all?
1397 01:14:21 -Hey, what's up?
1398 01:14:23 What's up?
1399 01:14:24 Yeah, man. Hope it's not a problem me being here.
1400 01:14:27 You know, I figure I'd tag along. I brought Omar too.
1401 01:14:30 What's up, nigga?
1402 01:14:32 Hey, Omar.
1403 01:14:33 Yeah, when I found out that Amira
1404 01:14:36 was gonna take your mother and sister to Palm Springs with the girls,
1405 01:14:40 I figured it'd be cool for me to come hang out with the fellas.
1406 01:14:44 -Yeah, that's such a good and normal idea. -Yeah.
1407 01:14:47 Listen, when we're in Vegas,
1408 01:14:48 I don't want you thinking I'm your future father-in-law.
1409 01:14:51 I'm not that guy.
1410 01:14:52 I'm just another one of the fellas, hanging out having a good time.
1411 01:14:55 Hey, what's your boy's name again?
1412 01:14:58 Uh, my name's Mo, and I have titties.
1413 01:15:01 -Oh, I'm sorry, bro-- um, sister-- Mo. -Mm-hmm.
1414 01:15:03 -Yeah. -Yeah.
1415 01:15:06 -Can I get my seat? -I'm sorry about that, yeah.
1416 01:15:09 We gonna have fun.
1417 01:15:11 Totally.
1418 01:15:12 -What the fuck is going on? -Bro, I don't know.
1419 01:15:14 But his casual nature is terrifying, all right?
1420 01:15:17 He's the type of nigga that'll kill you and get a solid nine and a half hours of sleep.
1421 01:15:21 I've done that.
1422 01:15:25 I've done that.
1423 01:15:31 Hey, did you know that Mo had titties?
1424 01:15:33 Yeah, they're on her chest.
1425 01:15:36 Dude, uh, so what's your plan?
1426 01:15:38 We catch this kid with the beard doing weird stupid shit, and you just snitch on him to your daughter?
1427 01:15:42 No, we gonna just go down there
1428 01:15:44 and make sure he don't have no fun.
1429 01:15:48 That is very low class of you.
1430 01:15:52 -But I cannot lie. That is a good plan.
1431 01:15:55 Vegas has a knack for bringing out who people really are.
1432 01:15:57 -That's right.
1433 01:15:58 -Can tell a lot about a man by his crew.
1434 01:16:00 That's right.
1435 01:16:04 Shot!
1436 01:16:07 -Swallow the pill.
1437 01:16:08 -All right, this is for my boy. -Yeah.
1438 01:16:09 The E to the Z to the motherfucking E. You know what I'm saying?
1439 01:16:13 He's trading in his pimp card, boys.
1440 01:16:15 -Yeah, this one's for me. -Hell yeah!
1441 01:16:26 -Hi! -You glowing and shit.
1442 01:16:28 Ladies, who's making all the noise in the lobby?
1443 01:16:35 -Hey! -Hi, gorgey!
1444 01:16:37 -Well, hello, titties! Mwah!
1445 01:16:41 -Hello, girls!
1446 01:16:47 Who is this white woman?
1447 01:16:49 You guys, so this is Miss Shelley, Ezra's mother.
1448 01:16:56 Gosh, you are all so gorgeous.
1449 01:17:00 -I can't stop staring at you. -Thank you.
1450 01:17:02 Honestly, it's like, these earrings
1451 01:17:04 and the orange business up top.
1452 01:17:08 -It's just so dope. -I can't get over it. And the hair.
1453 01:17:11 -It's dope.
1454 01:17:12 I mean, I am straight up simping for all of you.
1455 01:17:16 -Yeah.
1456 01:17:20 And that is a beautiful tattoo.
1457 01:17:24 -Oh, thank you. -Of course. What does that say?
1458 01:17:27 It says, "Rest in peace, Big Rev."
1459 01:17:30 Oh, condolences.
1460 01:17:32 Yeah, he was my heart.
1461 01:17:39 -Mom, for the love of God.
1462 01:17:42 -I'm so sorry. -Yes. For your loss and for my mom.
1463 01:17:45 -What?
1464 01:18:55 Hey, let me get this straight.
1465 01:18:57 Every single person that you know does coke, but you don't?
1466 01:19:02 Yeah, it's crazy and upsetting.
1467 01:19:08 I miss them the way they were, you know.
1468 01:19:11 Yo! Ezra!
1469 01:19:13 Ezra, buddy, buddy. We're almost out.
1470 01:19:15 So we need your guy's number. So we need to call the coke guy.
1471 01:19:19 Your guy, your coke guy. Can we call him? Thank you.
1472 01:19:22 What guy? I don't have a guy!
1473 01:19:25 Ez, what? You definitely have a guy.
1474 01:19:27 -You got a guy. -The coke guy from Vegas from last time.
1475 01:19:30 Just call him. Quit holding out.
1476 01:19:32 I think you're so high on cocaine, you don't know what you're saying.
1477 01:19:35 I don't have a coke guy.
1478 01:19:38 -No. You have a guy. We bought cocaine from him.
1479 01:19:41 -He is a cocaine dealer. -Yeah.
1480 01:19:43 And we bought coke,
1481 01:19:45 and you got so high that you ended up passing out on the Strip.
1482 01:19:49 You had cocaine all over your face.
1483 01:19:51 Wait, I think I remember you.
1484 01:19:55 -Yes, you did!
1485 01:19:56 You shit your pants! -From cocaine use!
1486 01:20:00 You did that. -Shut the fuck up.
1487 01:20:01 Sniff, sniff, motherfuckers, guess who I found.
1488 01:20:03 -Coke guy! -Exactly! Ho-ho!
1489 01:20:07 Ezra! Ezra, that's the guy I was talking about.
1490 01:20:11 The coke guy!
1491 01:20:12 Look. Look, look at his knuckles.
1492 01:20:14 Yeah, it says "Coke Guy" right there on his knuckles.
1493 01:20:17 Ezra! Thank you for the Edible Arrangement on my birthday.
1494 01:20:20 Such a mensch. For you, Papi.
1495 01:20:25 God damn. That's a lot of cocaine you got there, Ezra.
1496 01:20:30 Yeah.
1497 01:20:32 Hey, you shit on yourself last time you was here?
1498 01:20:36 You shat your slacks?
1499 01:20:42 Yes, but not from cocaine.
1500 01:20:47 -I'm ready. I am ready!
1501 01:20:50 -Seven letters. Plural. -Yeah, right.
1502 01:20:53 A group of people who move beautifully.
1503 01:20:56 Okay, you said plural, so there's an "s."
1504 01:20:59 -"S." -Good.
1505 01:21:00 -Oh, strippers! Strippers! -Too many letters.
1506 01:21:04 Oh, wait. Oh, no, no, no, I've got it.
1507 01:21:07 Is it an "n" word?
1508 01:21:12 No.
1509 01:21:14 No, no. I meant N-Navajos.
1510 01:21:20 -You know, when they move, the Navajo--
1511 01:21:24 -Mom. Mom, please.
1512 01:21:26 What?
1513 01:21:28 -Oh. Dancers!
1514 01:21:32 Oh, my God!
1515 01:21:33 What the hell!
1516 01:21:34 What the hell is wrong with you?
1517 01:21:37 -Oh, my God!
1518 01:21:40 No, no!
1519 01:21:42 It's okay. Your braids look good.
1520 01:21:45 -It's okay. Somebody get her a wig.
1521 01:21:54 -Gimme the girl's wig back. Gimme the wig. -What--
1522 01:21:57 -Now it's all tangled up. -You're okay.
1523 01:21:59 -Let's go! -Okay.
1524 01:22:03 What ha--
1525 01:22:05 -Was your trip as bad as mine? -I guess you could say that.
1526 01:22:08 Yeah, mine was rough.
1527 01:22:11 Did your dad say anything?
1528 01:22:13 No. Why? Should he?
1529 01:22:16 No, just that, uh, everything went okay,
1530 01:22:19 and it was totally normal, so, yeah.
1531 01:22:23 -Okay. -Why was yours rough? 'Cause my mom?
1532 01:22:26 I don't wanna talk about it.
1533 01:22:28 What'd she do this time?
1534 01:22:30 Ezra, I don't-- I really don't wanna talk about it.
1535 01:22:32 Just tell me what she did.
1536 01:22:35 Okay, she pulled the same tone-deaf shit she does all the time.
1537 01:22:42 What type of shit is that to say?
1538 01:22:46 I'm sorry. I just got a lot on my mind.
1539 01:22:49 I'm sorry.
1540 01:22:52 Okay.
1541 01:22:56 Whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
1542 01:22:59 -Throwing this shit away. -Why?
1543 01:23:01 Because I didn't get the job, Ezra. That's why.
1544 01:23:04 What?
1545 01:23:05 The producer called me and told me that he went with someone else.
1546 01:23:09 Someone who has more period piece experience. I don't know.
1547 01:23:14 Baby, I'm sorry.
1548 01:23:15 If it's any consolation, I can hold you down for a while.
1549 01:23:20 No, Ezra, I don't wanna be some kept woman.
1550 01:23:24 I'm just trying to think of ways to help you, all right?
1551 01:23:30 -Let me-- Let me call my family friend Rick Greenwald.
1552 01:23:34 He's got connections, and he'll look out for you on your next job.
1553 01:23:37 Oh, the fucking luxury.
1554 01:23:38 Are you not listening to what I'm saying? Are you not hearing me?
1555 01:23:42 Everything I have, I've gotten on my own.
1556 01:23:43 I've worked really hard for it
1557 01:23:45 and worked through all this racist bullshit,
1558 01:23:48 all for you to be able to come in and call your family friend to give me a job
1559 01:23:52 I probably should have got five years ago?
1560 01:23:54 How do you think that makes me feel?
1561 01:23:56 Well, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm just trying to, like, help.
1562 01:24:00 And it's okay to accept help from someone who loves you.
1563 01:24:04 That's really easy for you to say because that's how life has worked for you.
1564 01:24:07 That's not how it works for me.
1565 01:24:09 Whatever. We have to get ready for this rehearsal dinner.
1566 01:24:12 I'm going to the bathroom. Alone.
1567 01:24:14 Please.
1568 01:24:17 Yeah, I don't wanna go to the bathroom with you.
1569 01:24:19 Since when?
1570 01:24:21 My charger's in there though.
1571 01:24:24 Let me just grab my charger before you're in there for a while.
1572 01:24:27 Oh, my God!
1573 01:24:59 -Woody! -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
1574 01:25:02 My name is Akbar Mohammad, bro.
1575 01:25:04 Oh, man. Mama named you Woody. I'm calling you Woody.
1576 01:25:08 Yeah, Mama didn't give birth to no fake-Versace-wearing,
1577 01:25:11 PPP-loan-scamming career criminal, but here we are.
1578 01:25:15 This is Versace.
1579 01:25:16 Nigga, please.
1580 01:25:17 Anyway, I ain't no criminal, okay?
1581 01:25:19 It was a peeping Tom charge, okay?
1582 01:25:22 I was looking in there, peeping to see if my baby mama was cheating,
1583 01:25:25 so I could get lower prices on my child support.
1584 01:25:29 Why peep through the window?
1585 01:25:30 Because I wanted to see somebody have her broke down over, like a shotgun.
1586 01:25:34 That ain't gonna lower your child support.
1587 01:25:36 The judge seen her being a ho, my child support will go low.
1588 01:25:39 Can't go up in the judge, "I seen her bent over, Your Honor."
1589 01:25:41 "I should get less."
1590 01:25:43 The judge ain't gonna give you less money.
1591 01:25:45 I've done it before.
1592 01:25:47 -Hi, Uncle EJ. -Hey, baby!
1593 01:25:51 This is Ezra. Ezra, this my Uncle EJ.
1594 01:25:55 -What's up, Ez? What'd you say, Ez-- -Ezra.
1595 01:25:57 -Famous Uncle EJ. Heard a lot about you. -This is my uncle.
1596 01:25:59 Okay.
1597 01:26:00 Yeah, this is Ezra. This is the man.
1598 01:26:03 -My man, all right.
1599 01:26:05 Okay, I'm gonna go say what's up to Renee.
1600 01:26:08 -Yeah. -Y'all be nice.
1601 01:26:09 We'll be nice to Ezra.
1602 01:26:10 You gonna let this credit card sit here, we gonna swipe him.
1603 01:26:14 He look like an AmEx, standing here with his hair slicked back.
1604 01:26:18 -Oh. He lying.
1605 01:26:19 -All right. -All right. Okay.
1606 01:26:21 Come back soon if you want.
1607 01:26:22 -Ezra does a podcast on Black culture.
1608 01:26:27 Tell him, Ezra.
1609 01:26:29 Yeah, I do podcasts.
1610 01:26:31 About what?
1611 01:26:32 The culture.
1612 01:26:33 Oh, you're gonna just say "culture" and leave "Black" out?
1613 01:26:38 You gotta get that money some kind of way, baby, huh?
1614 01:26:40 Give me $150 real quick. Don't tell her I asked for the money.
1615 01:26:44 -I won't. I'll Venmo-- -Give me a Cîroc.
1616 01:26:45 And, uh, the white Barry White something to drink.
1617 01:27:04 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I got something to say. -I got something to say.
1618 01:27:06 -Okay, say it!
1619 01:27:08 This is nice, y'all. This is real nice.
1620 01:27:11 I ain't never had no, uh, wedding like this,
1621 01:27:14 but I mean, I've been married three times. That's right.
1622 01:27:17 Two times at the courthouse
1623 01:27:19 and then one time at the Benihana's.
1624 01:27:22 We ain't had no reservations, nothing like that.
1625 01:27:24 Amira, my cousin, I just wanna say how happy I am for you and Ezra--
1626 01:27:28 Girl, we just wanna say congrats. You marrying this white man.
1627 01:27:31 -Girl, all these white people are here.
1628 01:27:34 If you like it, we love it, right?
1629 01:27:37 -I stormed the Capitol.
1630 01:27:40 I did. I was there.
1631 01:27:43 Ezra tried to stop me.
1632 01:27:47 He's a liberal cuck, but he's a good man.
1633 01:27:49 To my best friend Ezra, who's kind and thoughtful,
1634 01:27:53 but for whatever reason didn't think to sit me on the Black side of the table,
1635 01:27:56 which just aesthetically makes sense, you know.
1636 01:27:59 Cheers to inclusion and our newly found generational wealth.
1637 01:28:04 "He left the family early, um,
1638 01:28:07 leaving his mother responsible for everybody, including the house."
1639 01:28:12 "And after Mom died in 1984,
1640 01:28:14 Xzibit had no choice but to move in back with his father in New Mexico."
1641 01:28:23 -Okay. I think we can wrap it up. Yeah. -I think.
1642 01:28:31 makes you gay.
1643 01:28:32 So the moral of the story is
1644 01:28:34 never date a woman who don't respect your wife.
1645 01:28:39 No, I didn't mean to-- I said the wrong shit.
1646 01:28:52 Can I have everybody's attention, please?
1647 01:28:55 Attention, everyone.
1648 01:28:57 Yeah, I know it's, uh, it's customary for the father to give a speech on the wedding day.
1649 01:29:02 But I thought there was some things that I needed to, uh, address tonight.
1650 01:29:09 when a man's daughter gets married,
1651 01:29:11 they say that the man is giving her away.
1652 01:29:15 Now, that's a really hard pill to swallow.
1653 01:29:19 Because you don't usually know
1654 01:29:21 who the man is that you're giving your daughter away to.
1655 01:29:24 Usually.
1656 01:29:27 But I consider myself fortunate,
1657 01:29:29 because I think I kind of do know who Ezra is.
1658 01:29:34 And he's not a drunken, drugged-out, dream-chasing whore monger
1659 01:29:40 who surrounds himself with a bunch of, uh, racist degenerates.
1660 01:29:48 I didn't get that guy.
1661 01:29:51 I got this guy.
1662 01:29:55 All right, okay, okay.
1663 01:29:57 So, here's to my beautiful baby girl.
1664 01:30:00 -Cheers!
1665 01:30:02 -We love you. Congratulations!
1666 01:30:23 Thank you, sir.
1667 01:30:24 Hey.
1668 01:30:28 Oh, Ezra.
1669 01:30:32 Thank you for, uh, what you did back there.
1670 01:30:35 What did I do back there?
1671 01:30:38 Your speech.
1672 01:30:39 You could've, uh, could've blown up my spot.
1673 01:30:42 You didn't, so thanks.
1674 01:30:44 Well, save your thank you, 'cause I didn't do it for you.
1675 01:30:47 I did that for my daughter.
1676 01:30:49 You think I'm gonna embarrass her in front of her whole family?
1677 01:30:52 No.
1678 01:30:55 You don't know me too well.
1679 01:30:58 But here's the thing.
1680 01:30:59 I know you.
1681 01:31:01 I've known you from the very start.
1682 01:31:03 I had your number from day one.
1683 01:31:06 And for the life of me, I do not know why my daughter
1684 01:31:09 continues to go down this path with you.
1685 01:31:12 There's one thing that I'm crystal clear on,
1686 01:31:14 is that you are absolutely, positively, unequivocally
1687 01:31:21 not the right the guy for my daughter.
1688 01:31:24 Period.
1689 01:31:25 -Why? -Excuse me.
1690 01:31:27 Why am I not the right guy for your daughter?
1691 01:31:30 Well, shit, where do I begin?
1692 01:31:31 Anywhere.
1693 01:31:36 When I saw you in the room with the strippers and the cocaine,
1694 01:31:39 how about we start there?
1695 01:31:40 Why don't we start with
1696 01:31:42 why you were at my bachelor party in the first place?
1697 01:31:44 You had no right to be there. Bachelor parties are for people to be weird.
1698 01:31:48 That's not who I am.
1699 01:31:49 Okay? It's my dumb fucking friends.
1700 01:31:52 But you deeboed your way in, and you got what you wanted.
1701 01:31:54 I had a shitty time.
1702 01:31:56 As a matter of fact, I have a shitty time whenever you're around.
1703 01:32:00 You're like the cooler to my life, and I don't know why.
1704 01:32:04 Because the truth is all I've ever done
1705 01:32:08 is love your daughter,
1706 01:32:10 wholly and completely.
1707 01:32:13 And she loves me,
1708 01:32:15 and we wanna marry each other.
1709 01:32:17 And you just decided before you even met me
1710 01:32:20 that you hated me.
1711 01:32:22 And then once you met me, you put all your energy
1712 01:32:23 just towards, like, smoking me out
1713 01:32:27 or trying to prove I don't belong around Black people,
1714 01:32:29 or that I'm a researcher and not a witness.
1715 01:32:32 That's why you brought me to play ball at that park.
1716 01:32:35 Why you brought me to that Crip barbershop while I'm wearing a red hoodie like an idiot.
1717 01:32:39 It's why you fuck with me about my podcast and my music taste and how I talk
1718 01:32:43 and how I think and who my friends are
1719 01:32:45 and basically everything that I'm a part of.
1720 01:32:48 And I just take it. I take it!
1721 01:32:50 I take your shit. I take it all day.
1722 01:32:53 And it did teach me one thing that you were right about.
1723 01:32:56 And what's that?
1724 01:32:57 I will never, ever, ever
1725 01:33:03 know what it's like to be a Black person in this country.
1726 01:33:07 But I do know what an asshole is.
1727 01:33:17 Yeah, yeah, I know.
1728 01:33:19 I'm really pleased with the way-- and they're such a nice group of--
1729 01:33:23 Oh, Amira! Amira. Hi!
1730 01:33:26 Would you excuse me for just a second?
1731 01:33:28 -Oh, my gosh! -Hi.
1732 01:33:30 Hi! I just wanted to stop you and tell you that I think you look so pretty.
1733 01:33:34 Thank you.
1734 01:33:35 Is that a roller set?
1735 01:33:38 Your hair. Is it a roller set?
1736 01:33:42 Um, no, it's not.
1737 01:33:44 Oh. Shoot. Okay. It's not individuals, right?
1738 01:33:48 No.
1739 01:33:49 No? Okay. Shit.
1740 01:33:52 All right, well, I guess I'm gonna have to go back to the drawing board.
1741 01:34:02 And, um, oh, for example, I watched the Chris Rock documentary.
1742 01:34:06 I don't know if you've had a chance to see it. It's absolutely fantastic.
1743 01:34:10 And he's so funny.
1744 01:34:11 There's something about his voice that always makes me laugh.
1745 01:34:14 But anyway, there's nothing funny about Black women's hair, you know.
1746 01:34:17 I mean, my God, I just had no idea.
1747 01:34:20 I mean, it really blew my mind.
1748 01:34:22 You know, the energy and the time
1749 01:34:29 And so, anyway, I just wanted to be well-versed
1750 01:34:33 for when I saw you next, and I'll let you get back to it.
1751 01:34:36 Yeah, and--
1752 01:34:40 What is this style? Just so I know for next time.
1753 01:34:42 -Shelley, I'm not a toy. -Because I--
1754 01:34:46 I really don't appreciate you treating me
1755 01:34:49 like some shiny little object you can show off to your friends.
1756 01:34:53 Oh, no, I would never do anything like that.
1757 01:34:55 -No, you are. -No--
1758 01:34:56 -Just let me finish. Yes, you do. -Oh, no, I--
1759 01:34:58 Since I met you, I've been nothing but kind and respectful.
1760 01:35:02 And it's starting to feel like
1761 01:35:03 you're all happy that you have this Black daughter-in-law
1762 01:35:06 now that it's cool to care about Black people.
1763 01:35:10 I bet every time we hang out, you tell one of your friends,
1764 01:35:13 and I can guarantee you that what you don't tell them
1765 01:35:15 is that every time we hang out,
1766 01:35:17 you are wildly offensive and incredibly inappropriate.
1767 01:35:23 -Well, I'm not-- -Oh, and now you're gonna cry.
1768 01:35:25 You're gonna clutch your pearls and play the victim
1769 01:35:27 as if everything I just said, none of that was valid.
1770 01:35:30 My feelings are not valid.
1771 01:35:31 Your feelings are hurt.
1772 01:35:33 -Am I being too aggressive with you?
1773 01:35:35 Am I giving you "angry"?
1774 01:35:38 The crazy thing is that I really genuinely wanted to get to know you,
1775 01:35:41 woman to woman.
1776 01:35:42 I thought you would see me.
1777 01:35:44 -That's what I--
1778 01:35:45 -No, it's not.
1779 01:35:47 Because you can't just see me for me.
1780 01:35:50 It doesn't matter how many books you read or how many documentaries that you watch,
1781 01:35:54 because at the end of the day, I won't just be Amira to you.
1782 01:35:57 I'll always be Amira, the Black token daughter-in-law,
1783 01:36:01 and that's ignorant.
1784 01:36:03 Amira, are you okay?
1785 01:36:05 Not really.
1786 01:36:07 -Miss Shelley, are you okay? -Mm-hmm.
1787 01:36:09 All right.
1788 01:36:11 Uh, Amira, honey.
1789 01:36:21 Can I talk to you for a second?
1790 01:36:23 Yes.
1791 01:36:29 You wanna go first?
1792 01:36:31 -I do, but it sounds like you do too.
1793 01:36:33 -I do.
1794 01:36:44 I don't know how this is gonna work.
1795 01:36:49 Okay.
1796 01:36:53 You know, your family,
1797 01:36:56 my family, the whole thing,
1798 01:36:59 I don't know if it's supposed to be this hard,
1799 01:37:06 Oh, God, I don't have it in me.
1800 01:37:11 I'm so sorry.
1801 01:37:21 Uh, I don't disagree.
1802 01:37:30 my mom, your dad.
1803 01:37:40 I do, uh, I do want you to know that,
1804 01:37:55 I feel the same way.
1805 01:38:07 Okay.
1806 01:38:31 I've been thinking about something you said.
1807 01:38:33 Nigga, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one.
1808 01:38:36 You're extremely unlikable. You know that, right?
1809 01:38:39 -What?
1810 01:38:44 Anyways, what did I say
1811 01:38:46 that's been profoundly rattling around in your consciousness?
1812 01:38:49 You said that Black people and white people could never be cool,
1813 01:38:52 and I think you're right.
1814 01:38:54 Yeah, bro, of course I was right.
1815 01:38:56 I'm always right.
1816 01:39:00 Is that what's bothering you? That I'm always right?
1817 01:39:02 No, what's bothering me is, for a second, I believed you were wrong.
1818 01:39:07 That there was hope for us. For the future.
1819 01:39:13 That when two people from two different walks of life came together,
1820 01:39:16 they could get by on their compassion for one another
1821 01:39:19 and their curiosity and their love.
1822 01:39:36 But at the end of the day, when it comes to Black and white people,
1823 01:39:39 I don't think love is enough.
1824 01:39:41 There's too many other outside factors.
1825 01:39:48 Whether it be your friends or your family,
1826 01:39:50 people can't accept what they don't understand.
1827 01:39:53 Whether it's right is one thing, but factually, it's true.
1828 01:39:58 We really do live in two worlds.
1829 01:40:01 There's no escaping it.
1830 01:40:07 I was raised by hip-hop shit. It's made me who I am,
1831 01:40:11 but even with that,
1832 01:40:12 I still wasn't prepared for the realities of a world I'm just not from.
1833 01:40:15 I'll always be an outsider.
1834 01:40:17 Which is why, as fucked up as this sounds,
1835 01:40:20 I feel like if you love something,
1836 01:40:22 as much as you wanna share it with everybody,
1837 01:40:25 I think it's best you keep it for yourself.
1838 01:40:27 See, I told you. The white Barry White, he be spitting some shit!
1839 01:40:31 Him and Joe Rogan.
1840 01:40:33 I ain't mad at Joe Rogan for saying "nigga" every other word,
1841 01:40:36 long as he don't say that shit in my face.
1842 01:40:41 Man, you kind of dragged bruh a little bit.
1843 01:40:43 What are you talking about? Ezra? I ain't drag him.
1844 01:40:45 You drug him like a fat bitch's left foot.
1845 01:40:48 No, no, no, no, no, you can miss me with all that shit.
1846 01:40:51 I did exactly what any father would do.
1847 01:40:55 You played him like a white boy,
1848 01:40:56 'cause you knew you could get away with it. Tell the truth!
1849 01:40:59 Oh, you would've handled it differently?
1850 01:41:01 I would've got a car out of his ass.
1851 01:41:03 I'd have probably started me a line of credit,
1852 01:41:06 probably got me a washer and dryer, probably a bottle of cologne.
1853 01:41:10 Try to get my back patio done.
1854 01:41:12 This is the stuff that he probably wanna do.
1855 01:41:14 You in your own reality, huh? That shit ain't gonna happen.
1856 01:41:17 It don't matter what I would've did.
1857 01:41:20 Times have changed. The world is different, Woody.
1858 01:41:22 Akbar, bitch. My name is Akbar.
1859 01:41:25 -It's the same amount of syllables-- -See? See?
1860 01:41:28 You didn't see what I saw.
1861 01:41:30 Him and his friends, the degenerates, was doing so much cocaine in Vegas,
1862 01:41:34 it looked like they was doing a reboot of Scarface.
1863 01:41:36 So that's what it's about? Cocaine?
1864 01:41:39 Yes, that's one of the main reasons. Yes, cocaine.
1865 01:41:41 He was doing not just cocaine. Lots of cocaine.
1866 01:41:44 It was copious amounts of cocaine, everywhere.
1867 01:41:47 He did so much cocaine, he shit on hisself!
1868 01:41:50 -You seen him shit on hisself? -No, I ain't see him shit on hisself.
1869 01:41:53 But I heard about the other time when he was there and he shit on hisself,
1870 01:41:57 and everybody still talks about it. -So the whole town knows.
1871 01:42:00 How we gonna be falling in the spot with this nigga?
1872 01:42:04 Wow.
1873 01:42:06 Look, I'm not saying it's right, but you did your shit back in the day.
1874 01:42:11 You remember they came out with the Cold Blooded Rick James album?
1875 01:42:15 No, I don't remember the Cold Blooded Rick James album.
1876 01:42:18 Okay, but coke do.
1877 01:42:21 Man, we loved that album.
1878 01:42:22 That was the only time I felt related to you.
1879 01:42:26 And I think you shorted him a little bit.
1880 01:42:34 Shorted both of 'em.
1881 01:43:08 Can you please stop smiling so big? -You're freaking out the locals. -What?
1882 01:43:11 Well, I'm excited that my son is gonna buy me some tennis shoes.
1883 01:43:17 I just don't understand why all of a sudden you need a pair of Dunks so badly.
1884 01:43:20 Because Diane Kaplan's son bought her a pair of tennis shoes
1885 01:43:23 and the bitch won't stop talking about it.
1886 01:43:26 Oh, shit.
1887 01:43:28 What?
1888 01:43:31 Oh, well, that's cool. We can just go in and get the shoes, doesn't matter.
1889 01:43:38 Ezra?
1890 01:43:42 Oh, uh, Amira, what's up, girl?
1891 01:43:45 Mm. "What's up, girl"?
1892 01:43:46 Why are you sounding like LL Cool J? What's up?
1893 01:43:50 Sorry, I just wasn't expecting to run into you here.
1894 01:43:53 I mean, yeah, same.
1895 01:44:00 Daddy, what's going on?
1896 01:44:01 Oh, fuck me.
1897 01:44:03 Good timing.
1898 01:44:04 Yeah. Okay, I didn't bring you here to buy me shoes.
1899 01:44:07 -Yeah, starting to put that together. -Yeah.
1900 01:44:09 Yeah, and, baby girl, I don't know what I told you to get you down here,
1901 01:44:12 but whatever it was, it was a lie.
1902 01:44:14 The truth is Shelley and I have been talking.
1903 01:44:17 Yep. Uh, we screwed up, you guys.
1904 01:44:19 -Badly. -Yeah.
1905 01:44:21 And we feel like we owe y'all some apologies.
1906 01:44:24 -Can I go first? -Yeah, please, go, go.
1907 01:44:27 Ezra.
1908 01:44:30 Brother.
1909 01:44:32 Man, listen.
1910 01:44:33 I been riding your back from the moment we first met,
1911 01:44:37 and I'm sorry.
1912 01:44:38 'Cause you didn't deserve that.
1913 01:44:40 It's just I couldn't handle the fact that you weren't
1914 01:44:52 But I do.
1915 01:44:54 And you're a good man.
1916 01:44:56 And a hustler.
1917 01:44:57 And most importantly,
1918 01:45:00 we both love Amira very much, and we'll do anything to make her happy.
1919 01:45:10 Okay, it's my turn.
1920 01:45:12 Um, Amira. I am so sorry for everything that I did
1921 01:45:19 and said that was offensive to you.
1922 01:45:25 You know, my son came home with this beautiful, amazing woman,
1923 01:45:29 and I didn't know anything about her world.
1924 01:45:31 I mean, I thought I did.
1925 01:45:33 And I was just so excited to have a new and different culture in our family,
1926 01:45:37 and I just hope that you accept my apology,
1927 01:45:40 because I do apologize on behalf of all white people.
1928 01:45:44 Except for the racist ones, the actual racist ones.
1929 01:45:47 -And on behalf of all Jewish people.
1930 01:45:51 -Yeah, she's racist. -She's actually racist.
1931 01:45:53 She's a horrible human being.
1932 01:45:56 But really mostly on behalf of me,
1933 01:45:59 Shelley Cohen of Brentwood, California.
1934 01:46:02 I am so sorry, Amira,
1935 01:46:04 because I love you and you are not a toy.
1936 01:46:08 I see you as the real, powerful,
1937 01:46:12 individual person that you are.
1938 01:46:19 Thank you so much, Miss Shelley, that means a lot to me.
1939 01:46:22 And I fully receive that.
1940 01:46:24 It felt very genuine and sincere,
1941 01:46:26 so thank you so much.
1942 01:46:28 And, Ezzy.
1943 01:46:30 I'm also sorry for always getting in the way.
1944 01:46:33 No, you're not.
1945 01:46:34 I'm not, honey, but I love you.
1946 01:46:37 -Yeah. I love you too. -I love you, baby, very much.
1947 01:46:41 Akbar and I had a little idea.
1948 01:46:45 Yes, and we think you're both gonna like it very much.
1949 01:46:48 A lot.
1950 01:46:52 So, did you miss me as much as I missed you?
1951 01:46:59 I missed you so much.
1952 01:47:02 I even got a pair of slides the other day 'cause I wanted to feel close to you.
1953 01:47:06 -Eww! -They were Umbros. It was all they had.
1954 01:47:08 -I know. -No.
1955 01:47:10 -I got 'em 'cause I was so sad.
1956 01:47:13 -Missed you. -I missed you too.
1957 01:47:45 I love you.
1958 01:47:57 Blessings to all who are present
1959 01:47:59 to witness Ezra and Amira unite their lives in marriage.
1960 01:48:03 Two hearts as one.
1961 01:48:04 Ezra and Amira, you choose each other to build a home,
1962 01:48:08 not of brick and mortar, but a home and haven in your hearts together.
1963 01:48:12 May it be fulfilled each day as you are on this beautiful journey
1964 01:48:15 of love.
1965 01:48:24 Just a little heavy on the tongue.
1966 01:48:25 Most white people do.
1967 01:48:55 Can you believe this is happening?
1968 01:48:58 Yep!
1969 01:49:00 Wow. They look so happy, huh?
1970 01:49:02 -Yeah, they do.
1971 01:49:04 Mr. and Mrs. Cohen.
1972 01:49:06 Mr. and Mrs. Mohammad-Cohen.
1973 01:49:09 Yep.
1974 01:49:10 Ain't that a bitch!
