黑麦巷 Rye Lane(2023)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:00:58 Where is it? Huh?
2 00:01:00 Come on. Where is it?
3 00:01:03 Shit.
4 00:01:06 You're so cute.
5 00:01:07 Oh, no. Silver is the new Bitcoin.
6 00:01:10 I'm telling you. It's going to the moon.
7 00:01:12 I'll see you in Monaco.
8 00:01:15 Oh, my God!
9 00:01:35 Why?
10 00:01:45 You're such a knob. Such a knob.
11 00:01:50 Uh, you're being pathetic.
12 00:01:51 Get a grip. Get a grip.
13 00:01:57 -Hello?
14 00:02:02 Hello.
15 00:02:06 This is the gents.
16 00:02:08 No. Actually, it's unisex.
17 00:02:38 Everything all right in there?
18 00:02:41 Yep.
19 00:02:43 -Fine. -All right. Cool.
20 00:02:47 Cool.
21 00:02:50 Uh, just to let you know, I haven't quite left yet.
22 00:02:52 I can't figure out how the…
23 00:02:57 -Oh.
24 00:02:58 It was-- It was the wrong tap.
25 00:03:00 Excuse me. I'm trying to have a private moment.
26 00:03:03 - My bad.
27 00:03:05 It's not that private though.
28 00:03:11 Mouth. Oh.
29 00:03:17 - Huh?
30 00:03:27 -No photos! -Oh, my God!
31 00:03:29 You're so annoying.
32 00:03:33 -How are you feeling for later? -Good, yeah.
33 00:03:35 -You nervous? -Not nervous.
34 00:03:36 -Don't be nervous. -I'm not nervous.
35 00:03:43 -Anyway, where's Picasso?
36 00:03:46 Aight, boom.
37 00:03:47 Probably being his low-key, humble self.
38 00:03:49 Babes, we know more about the planet Jupiter
39 00:03:52 than we do the inside of our own mouths.
40 00:03:54 That's facts.
41 00:03:55 Real talk, the mouth is the Stonehenge of the face.
42 00:03:59 Mind fuck, right?
43 00:04:01 All right. Well, thanks for coming.
44 00:04:02 -My brother. - Hey.
45 00:04:04 -Appreciate you coming, bro. -Course, man.
46 00:04:07 Hey, love the photos. They're just so--
47 00:04:09 -Safe. -How's sales?
48 00:04:11 Yeah, couple potential nibbles.
49 00:04:14 See the hoverboard-riding geezer?
50 00:04:15 This close to payin' a G for a shot of my cousin Calvin's molars.
51 00:04:19 What's good, Wes Anderson? You cool, yeah?
52 00:04:23 It's good to see you out and about again, Dom.
53 00:04:25 -Good to be out and about. -Everything's…
54 00:04:27 Oh, everything's wicked.
55 00:04:29 Yeah, I started Pilates.
56 00:04:31 -Is it? -Yeah.
57 00:04:32 Uh, workin' on my core, workin' on me. You know, getting positive.
58 00:04:34 Aight. Do you, innit.
59 00:04:37 Cheers, man. Cheers.
60 00:04:39 Hey, so listen--
61 00:04:40 Shh.
62 00:04:41 You know what? I was about to dip.
63 00:04:44 Go mingle with some of these sockless wonders.
64 00:04:48 -Uh… -What?
65 00:04:49 You weren't about to bring up Eric and Gia, no?
66 00:04:52 -Have you seen her latest post? -No.
67 00:04:54 She's repainting walls I already broke my back painting.
68 00:04:57 -Tryin' to erase I was ever there. -It's just paint, my guy.
69 00:04:59 If it makes you feel any better, from what I saw,
70 00:05:01 they were only doing the living room.
71 00:05:03 Thought you hadn't seen the photo.
72 00:05:06 Aight, look, don't prang out.
73 00:05:08 They had this paint-party-brunch ting.
74 00:05:12 But I only stayed for 45 minutes, painted a tiny bit of a door,
75 00:05:14 ate half an almond croissant and bounced.
76 00:05:19 You went to brunch at our flat?
77 00:05:20 -Seriously, is nothing sacred anymore?
78 00:05:24 -Fuck!
79 00:05:26 You cool? 'Cause if you're gonna freak out,
80 00:05:28 I'ma sling a sign on you, call it performance art.
81 00:05:32 You cool?
82 00:05:34 -Yeah. -You're cool?
83 00:05:35 I'm cool.
84 00:05:36 Cool. Aight.
85 00:05:39 -Come here. - Oh, shit.
86 00:05:40 Let me see what's up with my girl real quick.
87 00:05:43 Be cool. Be cool.
88 00:05:53 This would look amazing in the boot room.
89 00:06:13 How you doin'?
90 00:06:16 Yeah, good.
91 00:06:17 Yeah?
92 00:06:19 Yeah.
93 00:06:21 Cool.
94 00:06:24 So, whatcha think?
95 00:06:27 - The photos? -Mmm.
96 00:06:29 Yeah. Yeah. Amazing.
97 00:06:30 They have a real, like, cerebral feel.
98 00:06:34 Cerebral?
99 00:06:36 Yeah. Or maybe lyrical is a better way to--
100 00:06:40 Or expressive.
101 00:06:42 Wow. You know all the adjectives.
102 00:06:45 Now, this one, I fucking adore.
103 00:06:48 Yeah, I love the way the tongue follows you around the room.
104 00:06:52 -So, do you know Nath or-- -Oh, I'm mates with his girlfriend.
105 00:06:56 Oh, cool. That's cool.
106 00:06:57 I know Cass. She's cool.
107 00:07:01 She is cool.
108 00:07:05 We met at work. Me and Nath.
109 00:07:08 -Oh, you're an artist? -Oh, no. KFC.
110 00:07:11 Back in the day. I don't work there anymore.
111 00:07:15 'Sup, my little fuck nuggets?
112 00:07:17 -Basking in your genius, dude.
113 00:07:19 Oh, please. Continue.
114 00:07:21 This one's pretty special, innit?
115 00:07:23 Yeah, man. We were just saying exactly that.
116 00:07:25 -Yeah? -Yeah.
117 00:07:27 Why don't you treat yourself?
118 00:07:31 Oh, no, bro, I just came to support you. I wasn't gonna--
119 00:07:33 Oh, come on. Help a brother out.
120 00:07:36 People see you coppin', might inspire them.
121 00:07:41 Look, I know you ain't payin' bills right now.
122 00:07:43 Man must have bare peas saved up.
123 00:07:47 I think it's very you.
124 00:07:49 Uh…
125 00:07:59 Sorry, I kinda feel like that was my fault.
126 00:08:01 No, no, no, no. Nath kinda seemed like he needed the boost.
127 00:08:04 Plus, it's an investment.
128 00:08:05 When he blows up, I'll sell it on for a fortune.
129 00:08:11 -Well, anyway-- -You going this way?
130 00:08:12 Yeah, I was gonna-- Yeah.
131 00:08:13 Me too.
132 00:08:18 Hey, guys! I've got chillies here, guys.
133 00:08:20 Chillies red, chillies gold, chillies green.
134 00:08:22 And I call them the traffic lights of the chilli scene.
135 00:08:25 Hey, Uncle.
136 00:08:26 Ah! Here she is. My hot cup of cocoa on a frosty mornin'.
137 00:08:29 I'll see you soon, okay?
138 00:08:31 -I'll be counting the seconds.
139 00:08:33 I've got chillies fresh…
140 00:08:34 It's Dom, right?
141 00:08:36 I'm Yas.
142 00:08:38 Nice to meet you.
143 00:08:44 Eh? Okay.
144 00:08:45 So, where you off to?
145 00:08:47 What errands has your mum got you out here runnin'?
146 00:08:52 Oh, Nathan mentioned you don't pay bills, so I figured you still live at home?
147 00:08:55 I'm back. Back at home.
148 00:08:57 "Back" is important, otherwise it sounds like I never left, and I did.
149 00:09:00 Okay. Fair.
150 00:09:04 I'm actually cutting through.
151 00:09:06 Rye Lane Market?
152 00:09:07 -Yeah. Yeah.
153 00:09:10 Lucky for you, I'm going this way anyway.
154 00:09:14 So, what do you do now you've escaped the clutches of the Colonel?
155 00:09:19 Like, with your post-KFC life.
156 00:09:21 Oh, I'm an accountant.
157 00:09:23 Boring.
158 00:09:24 Okay.
159 00:09:26 No free popcorn chicken, but still, that's like a proper job.
160 00:09:29 Yeah, it's not particularly glamorous.
161 00:09:32 - No. -But I actually kinda love it.
162 00:09:34 So, is that what you've always wanted to do,
163 00:09:35 or have you got yourself some thwarted ambition burning away in ya gut?
164 00:09:40 -You know, you're very-- -Peng?
165 00:09:41 Refreshingly disarming?
166 00:09:42 -You ask a lot of questions. -I'm interested in people's messes.
167 00:09:45 -What makes you think I've got a mess? -Everyone has a mess.
168 00:09:48 Hi.
169 00:09:52 Okay. Um…
170 00:09:56 You know, I-- I think I did always wanna be an accountant.
171 00:09:59 Is that-- Is that weird?
172 00:10:01 Don't ask me. I wanted to be Prince when I was little.
173 00:10:03 Specifically, Purple Rain Prince.
174 00:10:05 -Yeah? -Yeah.
175 00:10:06 I made myself a little costume and everything.
176 00:10:20 So, are you the only wannabe accountant in your crew?
177 00:10:23 All my mates thought they were gonna be footballers or YouTube sensations,
178 00:10:26 chilling on private jets, living extraordinary lives…
179 00:10:29 Oh, private jets not your ting, no?
180 00:10:31 Do you know how much they cost to run? Terrible investment.
181 00:10:34 -So, what about you?
182 00:10:36 What do you do anyway?
183 00:10:37 Me? Well, I'm a YouTube sensation.
184 00:10:42 Nah, I work in fashion.
185 00:10:43 Hence the Prince costume.
186 00:10:46 -Exactly!
187 00:10:48 So you're like a designer or--
188 00:10:49 Oh, you saying I couldn't be a model?
189 00:10:51 -No. I just-- assumed 'cause you-- -Uh-- Uh--
190 00:10:54 -I'm fuckin' with you. -Oh.
191 00:10:56 I am a buyer for an online brand that you wouldn't have heard of.
192 00:10:58 But I wanna design costumes. That's, like, the end game.
193 00:11:02 - Costumes? -Yeah.
194 00:11:03 TV, films, music videos, ball gowns to alien queens to anything the fuck else.
195 00:11:10 But do you know how much these thieves wanna pay me
196 00:11:13 to be a bottom-level costume assistant?
197 00:11:15 I'm guessing not a lot.
198 00:11:16 Not a lot divided by fuck all.
199 00:11:18 Plus with your ting, the square root of ten is always, like, what--
200 00:11:21 3.16-ish.
201 00:11:23 Okay. I'll take your word for it.
202 00:11:26 But I can't just wake up and decide to be a costume designer.
203 00:11:31 I've gotta pay my dues.
204 00:11:33 And paying my dues means not paying my rent
205 00:11:36 or being able to afford cute cocktails.
206 00:11:38 And I like paying my rent, and I love cute cocktails, so…
207 00:11:42 Yeah, I know. I get that.
208 00:11:45 But I'll get there
209 00:11:48 eventually.
210 00:11:54 -Oh. Oh.
211 00:11:56 Just put your feet up.
212 00:11:57 -No. I'm okay. -Okay.
213 00:11:59 - Oh!
214 00:12:07 Onwards they stroll.
215 00:12:09 Each step bringing them closer to their mystery destination.
216 00:12:14 Okay. But no judgments, yeah?
217 00:12:17 Mmm, sounds juicy.
218 00:12:18 -I'm not running errands. -Yeah, we're past that, babe.
219 00:12:21 I'm gonna meet my ex for the first time since the break-up.
220 00:12:24 Shit. And you're still calling it "the" break-up, meaning it's fresh?
221 00:12:29 Three months. But we were goin' out for six years.
222 00:12:32 Six years?
223 00:12:33 You could've become a fully qualified architect in that time.
224 00:12:36 Yeah. It was pretty bad.
225 00:12:38 It is pretty bad.
226 00:12:41 I went through the same sort of thing not too long ago.
227 00:12:43 Yeah?
228 00:12:44 We were only together for a year and a bit though--
229 00:12:46 Did you wake up every day and lie there trying to muster the energy to breathe?
230 00:12:49 No. 'Cause I finished with him,
231 00:12:51 so I just felt kind of relieved and empowered afterwards, you know?
232 00:12:55 He was tryin' to dilute my squash,
233 00:12:57 and I was like, "Not today, Satan."
234 00:12:59 I'm sorry. Sorry.
235 00:13:00 No, no, no, no. I'm happy for you.
236 00:13:02 Must be nice being on that side of it, not that I'll ever know.
237 00:13:05 Hey, hey, I believe in your ability to completely destroy someone's life one day.
238 00:13:09 -Thanks. -Mmm.
239 00:13:12 Aight, so, she broke up with you. I know that much already.
240 00:13:14 Actually, it's still pretty hard to talk about the details, so…
241 00:13:16 Oh, okay, sorry. We don't actually--
242 00:13:18 The bit that really hurts, I thought we were fine.
243 00:13:19 We were better than fine. We moved in together.
244 00:13:21 We had Hamilton tickets. Stalls!
245 00:13:23 It's a serious commitment.
246 00:13:24 Right?
247 00:13:25 So go on. Spill the tea! What happened?
248 00:13:28 So we were goin' to the cinema.
249 00:13:30 Oh?
250 00:13:33 I get there first, as usual, and I go buy the snacks.
251 00:13:36 Mmm, stuntin' on 'em.
252 00:13:37 You don't even understand how picky this girl is.
253 00:13:39 Hello. Hey. Um, can I get a number three with a medium sweet and salt popcorn
254 00:13:43 and, um, a diet cola please?
255 00:13:45 Um, uh, but can the sweet be on bottom? So it's like pudding.
256 00:13:49 I'm already ragin'.
257 00:13:50 Oh, sorry. Uh, not too much ice in the drink.
258 00:13:53 Like an inch. Specifically, uh, an inch.
259 00:13:56 And you gotta understand, I take cinema etiquette seriously.
260 00:13:59 Like, I won't go in once the film's started.
261 00:14:00 You gotta respect the code.
262 00:14:02 -So, I call Gia.
263 00:14:04 Hey, hey--
264 00:14:05 Shit. Sorry.
265 00:14:07 Um, just about to send you a message.
266 00:14:10 I know how anal you are about seeing the dumb trailers,
267 00:14:13 so just go in, and I'll be there in a bit.
268 00:14:15 But I figured maybe she had a bad day, so I'm just like…
269 00:14:17 Okay. See you in a bit. Love you.
270 00:14:29 And that's when I see it.
271 00:14:31 See what?
272 00:14:32 No.
273 00:14:36 Wait.
274 00:14:39 Is that a dick?
275 00:14:40 -It gets worse.
276 00:14:42 'Cause even though it was low res, I knew that dick.
277 00:14:44 That dick belonged to my best mate, Eric.
278 00:14:48 ♪ Yeah, eh, eh ♪
279 00:14:52 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
280 00:14:56 That is so dead.
281 00:14:57 So, what'd you do?
282 00:14:59 What do you think I did?
283 00:15:01 Eric! Eric!
284 00:15:07 -No, please--
285 00:15:12 Yes! Plot twist!
286 00:15:14 That is some next-level Omar Little shit.
287 00:15:16 I can't believe you did that.
288 00:15:18 Yeah.
289 00:15:20 I didn't.
290 00:15:25 That is one of the worst stories I've ever heard.
291 00:15:28 I mean, not from an entertainment perspective, obviously.
292 00:15:31 -It's a wonderful anecdote.
293 00:15:45 And you're just casually off to see this girl now?
294 00:15:48 They wanna "clear the air".
295 00:15:50 -"They"? -Yeah, Eric's gonna be there too.
296 00:15:53 No! Together?
297 00:15:56 Wild. [laughs] Wild!
298 00:15:59 -Wild!
299 00:16:02 Wild. That's wild.
300 00:16:05 That's what he does. He drops it to the far post.
301 00:16:08 -It's in! What a finish! What a finish!
302 00:16:14 Today's pretty much the first time I've been out the house in three months.
303 00:16:18 Besides work.
304 00:16:19 And Greggs. I can't get enough of their sausage rolls.
305 00:16:22 - Yeah, like this. -You're preaching to the choir, babe.
306 00:16:24 -Uh, me and my girls are addicted.
307 00:16:27 And now, we have Jeremy on the line,
308 00:16:29 who walked in on his parents having sex.
309 00:16:31 Yeah, my dad told me he was looking for his contact lenses.
310 00:16:34 -I was like, "How'd it get there?"
311 00:16:45 And where is this, uh, summit of doom taking place?
312 00:16:50 Il Giardino. There.
313 00:16:53 Used to be "our" place.
314 00:16:54 No. Absolutely not.
315 00:16:56 Text her, you can't make it.
316 00:16:58 We'll go to Laser Quest, merk some eight-year-olds.
317 00:17:00 Tempting, but I think it's actually something I need to do.
318 00:17:02 Like, I get what they did was peak,
319 00:17:04 but I have to take some responsibility, you know?
320 00:17:06 Like, not at all.
321 00:17:08 You're gonna let them off the hook after how they treated you?
322 00:17:10 Um, see, I don't think you're getting it. This is part of the process.
323 00:17:12 The process of you rolling over like a bitch?
324 00:17:16 Sorry. Too far.
325 00:17:18 It's fine.
326 00:17:22 Hey, why don't I come in with you?
327 00:17:24 We'll get tun up off caipirinhas, show them you don't give a shit.
328 00:17:27 This is like a proper, actual life thing, so no offence,
329 00:17:29 but I'm not about to take some random in there with me, am I?
330 00:17:33 Okay. Fair.
331 00:17:36 But it was nice chattin'.
332 00:17:38 Hey, good luck with not being a YouTube sensation.
333 00:17:40 Good luck with not havin' an extraordinary life.
334 00:17:49 S-- Um…
335 00:17:51 Thanks.
336 00:18:09 ♪ Turn your coaster green for meat ♪
337 00:18:13 ♪ Turn your coaster red for no meat ♪
338 00:18:17 ♪ 'Cause who doesn't want some meat ♪
339 00:18:20 -Silly one.
340 00:18:23 Oh!
341 00:18:24 -Hey, babe! - My bro!
342 00:18:28 ♪ But only before 7.00 p.m. ♪
343 00:18:30 - Good to see you, man.
344 00:18:33 ♪ Like happy hour ♪
345 00:18:37 We got here a bit early, and Eric was hungry,
346 00:18:39 so we ordered some bits for the table.
347 00:18:40 -Okay. - My belly was rumblin', bruh.
348 00:18:43 People thought it was like a stampede of animals!
349 00:18:45 I was like, "No. It's my belly. I'm hungry."
350 00:18:48 - Baby, chill.
351 00:18:50 -Oh.
352 00:18:51 So, how have you been?
353 00:18:54 Yeah, good. You?
354 00:18:56 - Amazin'. Mm-hmm. -Yeah, really, really amazin'.
355 00:18:59 Amazin'.
356 00:19:02 Oh, shit.
357 00:19:03 So, see that coaster next to you? Keep it on green.
358 00:19:07 They just keep bringin' food over.
359 00:19:08 -It's just kinda mad. -Yeah, I know. I've been here before.
360 00:19:10 Yeah, man, I'm never turning mine red.
361 00:19:12 They'll have to carry me out of this place.
362 00:19:15 Ooh. Try a croquette ting, man.
363 00:19:17 These make you cream!
364 00:19:19 I'm good. Maybe later.
365 00:19:21 We're so glad you decided to come today, D.
366 00:19:24 Obviously, this isn't easy for any of us. You must have, like, a million questions.
367 00:19:27 -Uh, no, I don't-- - Thigh?
368 00:19:29 -Pile it on, irmão.
369 00:19:31 That's "brother" in Portuguese.
370 00:19:32 We went for a long weekend in Lisbon. So lit.
371 00:19:35 Yeah, you should go, actually. We saw a lot of solo travellers, so…
372 00:19:38 - Thigh? -I'm good, thanks.
373 00:19:41 G, you're not good.
374 00:19:43 Next time, get it anyway, and then forward it onto my plate.
375 00:19:47 So, um, maybe I should start.
376 00:19:51 Basically, what we wanna come out of today
377 00:19:53 is just for us all to move forward properly.
378 00:19:55 Mmm. Preach, babe.
379 00:19:56 'Cause there's gotta be a shelf life on guilt.
380 00:19:59 Or is it gonna be a thing of every time we see something that reminds us of you,
381 00:20:02 we're gonna be all…
382 00:20:03 Do you know what I mean?
383 00:20:05 Um…
384 00:20:07 Okay, yeah, I-- I think I do have a question.
385 00:20:10 Great. Go for it.
386 00:20:11 Why?
387 00:20:14 Why did you cheat on me?
388 00:20:16 'Cause we weren't happy, Dom.
389 00:20:18 People grow apart.
390 00:20:19 -They grow up. They change. -Well, I didn't change.
391 00:20:22 I was talking about me.
392 00:20:24 I mean, this whole thing came as a surprise to me too, you know.
393 00:20:27 Like, one day I woke up and I realised, this just didn't make sense anymore.
394 00:20:33 But this did.
395 00:20:36 You can't mess with destiny, bro.
396 00:20:38 When the stars align, the great conjunction happened--
397 00:20:40 -I'm starting to think maybe this wasn't-- -Sorry.
398 00:20:43 I was on a call with the New York office. I was like, "I gotta go!"
399 00:20:45 And they were like, "No!"
400 00:20:47 Anyway… [gasps] You must be Gia.
401 00:20:49 Wow, girl, your profile pics do not do you justice.
402 00:20:52 I'm Yas.
403 00:20:55 Hi. I'm Eric.
404 00:20:57 Ah. He of the low-res cock.
405 00:20:59 - My rep precedes me.
406 00:21:01 Geez!
407 00:21:02 Thank you. Smells amazing.
408 00:21:04 Sorry, I'm a little bit lost.
409 00:21:06 -You are… -Yas. Dom's…
410 00:21:09 Well, we're not really labelling it yet, are we?
411 00:21:12 But I guess we're just kind of low-key fucking at the moment.
412 00:21:15 Uh, we're vibin', so, you know…
413 00:21:16 -Okay. - Who knows?
414 00:21:18 Okay, I see you, movin' up in the world.
415 00:21:23 Not up.
416 00:21:24 Um, I thought we agreed--
417 00:21:26 I know what I said, but I missed you, my sexy dumpling.
418 00:21:30 You guys don't mind, right?
419 00:21:31 - No. -Mm-mmm.
420 00:21:33 No, I-- I love that you're here.
421 00:21:35 Um, we actually ordered some bits for the table, so help yourself.
422 00:21:38 And try one of those croquette tings, it'll make you cream.
423 00:21:41 Geez!
424 00:21:44 Anyway, I wanna know everything.
425 00:21:48 Um, how-- how did you guys meet?
426 00:21:50 Oh, it's a pretty cute story. Do you wanna tell it, bub?
427 00:21:53 No, you, uh, go for it,
428 00:21:55 bub.
429 00:21:57 You guys heard of Nothin' But A G Thang?
430 00:21:59 It's this fire hip-hop karaoke night.
431 00:22:01 Me and my girls were there a few nights back.
432 00:22:03 And, you know, I was just chillin', fighting off an onslaught of dead guys.
433 00:22:07 And just as I'm thinkin',
434 00:22:09 "Rah, there isn't a single decent guy in this entire place," I hear…
435 00:22:14 -We have Yas! Come on!
436 00:22:16 Turns out one of my girls put my name down as a joke!
437 00:22:19 How about we have ourselves a little duet?
438 00:22:25 And it was just this immediate, deep, animal attraction.
439 00:22:32 Palpable sexual energy crackling. Everyone in the room could feel it.
440 00:22:35 -Really?
441 00:22:36 -Yeah. -Yeah, really.
442 00:22:38 But, you know, calling it "a room" makes it sound kinda small.
443 00:22:44 - We lit that place up. - We love you, Dom and Yas!
444 00:22:48 - People were losin' their minds. - I want your babies!
445 00:22:51 And there was just, like, this sea of people.
446 00:22:55 -Like a mini concert. -Mmm.
447 00:22:56 And when we finished, the crowd started chanting…
448 00:22:59 Dom and Yas. Dom and Yas.
449 00:23:01 -Yas and Dom. Yam and Yas. -Dom-Dom. Dom and Yas.
450 00:23:04 Dom and Yas! Yas and Dom!
451 00:23:07 And they were screamin'…
452 00:23:09 Encore! Encore!
453 00:23:11 "Encore! Encore!"
454 00:23:19 They were gonna tear the place down if we didn't go again,
455 00:23:21 -so we did, like, five, six… -It was 20.
456 00:23:23 -…more songs. It was wild. -Mm-hmm.
457 00:23:26 Well, that's gotta be, hands down, the greatest hook-up story of all time.
458 00:23:30 I have a question.
459 00:23:31 You did karaoke?
460 00:23:34 I guess you were right.
461 00:23:37 People do change.
462 00:23:39 - Lamb? -Yeah--
463 00:23:40 -No!
464 00:23:42 -Thank you!
465 00:23:46 Oh, shit. D, guess what?
466 00:23:48 I got fired from the sports bar.
467 00:23:50 - No.
468 00:23:51 -Baby… -Yeah.
469 00:23:53 …why you bringing that up now?
470 00:23:54 He used to work there. It's banter.
471 00:23:56 -Yeah. - Yeah. You know how it was, like,
472 00:23:58 if you have to go to the staff loos by going down to the basement?
473 00:24:00 Got tired of doing that.
474 00:24:02 So, I just started pissing in Oasis bottles,
475 00:24:03 'cause you know that big rim, no spillage.
476 00:24:06 I stuck 'em all in my locker, and I kept on sayin', like,
477 00:24:09 "Just empty it. Empty it."
478 00:24:10 And manager caught me with, like, 18 bottles of piss in there.
479 00:24:13 I tried to say it was apple juice.
480 00:24:15 But he was like, "Nah, that's piss. I can smell it."
481 00:24:17 "Uh, yeah, it's piss."
482 00:24:19 I can't believe they fired you for that.
483 00:24:21 I know. They're, like-- They're super political there.
484 00:24:23 - Mmm. -They're-- Yeah.
485 00:24:24 Sorry, sorry.
486 00:24:26 I'm struggling with something here.
487 00:24:28 You cheated on Dom with him?
488 00:24:31 -Excuse you? -Yas--
489 00:24:32 No, I need to figure this out because it's baffling.
490 00:24:34 You dumped this funny, clever, successful accountant
491 00:24:38 for this jobless human bin-fire?
492 00:24:40 Oh, that hurts a little bit.
493 00:24:42 I mean, I get it, the arms are nice, but what do you even talk about?
494 00:24:45 Are you gonna sit there and let her say that shit to me?
495 00:24:47 Well, she said my arms are nice.
496 00:24:48 In hindsight, this was a terrible idea.
497 00:24:50 I was trying to give everyone some harmony
498 00:24:51 and allow everyone to live in their truths, but whatever.
499 00:24:53 But you are living your truth.
500 00:24:55 You cheated on him with his best mate from primary school.
501 00:24:57 St John's, Dunloe. Buckeye! Buckeye-kye! La-la-la-la la…
502 00:25:01 You tricked him into believing he'd found a person
503 00:25:03 that wanted to get to know him, like, properly,
504 00:25:05 and instead of realising what a gift that was,
505 00:25:07 someone baring their actual soul to you, you got scared.
506 00:25:09 And so you clicked reset
507 00:25:10 and moved on with the closest and least complicated option.
508 00:25:13 That is your truth.
509 00:25:18 And, by the way, your man swiped me on Tinder, like, a week ago.
510 00:25:22 -What? -Mmm. No, I didn't.
511 00:25:23 -I didn't swipe you. - Give me your phone.
512 00:25:25 -Or anybody. -Now.
513 00:25:26 -I didn't swipe her. - Eric.
514 00:25:28 -Phone. - It's on rest mode.
515 00:25:29 -It's on sleepy mode. It's off. - Now.
516 00:25:31 Airplane mode?
517 00:25:33 I can't believe you just did that!
518 00:25:35 Did you see Gia's face when we were tag-teaming the karaoke story?
519 00:25:38 She was shook!
520 00:25:40 I feel good.
521 00:25:41 Man, where did that come from,
522 00:25:43 all that stuff about it getting too real for her?
523 00:25:45 Uh, don't know. I guess just everything you told me.
524 00:25:47 Well, you nailed it.
525 00:25:48 It's exactly what I've been wanting to say,
526 00:25:49 but I've been too busy rolling over like a bitch.
527 00:25:52 -I shouldn't have said that. -No, it's true though.
528 00:25:57 Oh, come on. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. Are you hungry?
529 00:26:01 -I don't know-- -Come on--
530 00:26:02 No, listen, you just rode to my rescue. It's the least I can do.
531 00:26:05 Anything you want, it's on me.
532 00:26:08 Fine.
533 00:26:10 Which way? Which way? Which way?
534 00:26:13 Um.
535 00:26:15 I was thinking maybe there's this banging burrito place in Brixton we could go to.
536 00:26:21 This way?
537 00:26:23 This way.
538 00:26:27 ♪ Time will only tell me an eternity ♪
539 00:26:30 ♪ I remember the first time we met ♪
540 00:26:33 ♪ You had my heart wanting To disconnect from me ♪
541 00:26:37 ♪ Hearing your eyes say to me ♪
542 00:26:40 ♪ Come rollerblade with me ♪
543 00:26:44 ♪ Show me the ropes ♪
544 00:26:46 ♪ Hold tight and do not let go of me ♪
545 00:26:52 ♪ It was autumn back in '93 ♪
546 00:26:55 ♪ The leaves were falling down Ever reluctantly ♪
547 00:26:59 ♪ You had your hair long When the days were short ♪
548 00:27:07 Babe, that outfit? Tens across the board.
549 00:27:11 Oh. Thank you so much.
550 00:27:16 Do you know her?
551 00:27:18 No, but she looks fire, innit?
552 00:27:22 What's up, man? Cool kicks.
553 00:27:24 What?
554 00:27:25 Dickhead, man.
555 00:27:27 Suck your mum.
556 00:27:29 Yep.
557 00:27:36 So, moving back wasn't your first choice then?
558 00:27:38 No.
559 00:27:40 I tried the sofa thing, but it turns out, I'm a man who requires sheets.
560 00:27:44 Ah, so you're in it for the quality bedding.
561 00:27:48 Honestly, it's like they never want me to leave.
562 00:27:50 They bought me a PlayStation.
563 00:27:52 My dad forces me on bike rides all the time.
564 00:27:54 My mum literally won't stop makin' me boiled eggs and soldiers.
565 00:27:58 Aw, you poor thing.
566 00:28:01 I swear I'm devolving.
567 00:28:06 You know, I can see you as a mummy's boy.
568 00:28:10 And my already fragile ego takes another blow.
569 00:28:13 Oh.
570 00:28:15 ♪ Why did you go? ♪
571 00:28:18 ♪ Why did you go? ♪
572 00:28:20 ♪ Why did you go? Why did you go? ♪
573 00:28:25 -♪ Why did you go? ♪
574 00:28:27 Why is that bad?
575 00:28:28 I mean, for me, a good relationship with your mum
576 00:28:31 is like the man equivalent of checking a dog's got healthy gums on Crufts.
577 00:28:36 Well, in that case, I'll own it. I am a mummy's boy.
578 00:28:40 Okay, it's less hot when you say it.
579 00:28:43 -Oh, shit, I haven't looked yet.
580 00:28:46 You trust me?
581 00:28:49 - Mmm. -Yes, Colin.
582 00:28:51 We'll have two spicy porks with everything.
583 00:28:56 Hot sauce?
584 00:28:57 You know it.
585 00:28:58 I'm sorry. None for me, thanks.
586 00:29:00 Um, how spicy is the spicy pork? Like, out of ten?
587 00:29:06 Do you like spicy food?
588 00:29:07 Strong no.
589 00:29:08 Then, an eight.
590 00:29:10 In that case, I'll change mine to the chicken, please.
591 00:29:14 Although, it says mild. Is that mild-mild? Or…
592 00:29:24 Um.
593 00:29:25 Mmm.
594 00:29:32 You gonna answer that?
595 00:29:35 So, how was the blandest burrito ever?
596 00:29:38 Delicious.
597 00:29:39 -Hmm. Okay. Hmm.
598 00:29:41 Hey. Have I got food in my teeth?
599 00:29:45 Nope. Fresh.
600 00:29:48 How about me?
601 00:29:52 Squeaky clean.
602 00:30:02 One, two, three, four,
603 00:30:07 five, six, and change legs.
604 00:30:11 - So, you and your ex. - Lift up. Two…
605 00:30:14 My favourite subject.
606 00:30:16 Were you two living together then before you…
607 00:30:19 Uh, no. We weren't quite there yet.
608 00:30:21 Makes it easier, I guess.
609 00:30:23 Not having to chainsaw the flat-screen in half.
610 00:30:25 There's that.
611 00:30:26 Plus, I doubt there'd be a lot of, uh, bike rides
612 00:30:29 and boiled eggs if I rocked up home.
613 00:30:40 Four…
614 00:30:41 - That will be me one day, man. -Five…
615 00:30:43 Couple rich ex-husbands, menstruation a distant memory,
616 00:30:47 sat out in the park with both my legs behind my head.
617 00:30:49 It's just beautiful.
618 00:30:51 Three.
619 00:30:54 -Four.
620 00:30:57 - That will be me. -Five.
621 00:30:59 Old but still thirsty.
622 00:31:03 Six…
623 00:31:06 - Change your legs.
624 00:31:08 So, before the Eric stuff, you had no idea you and Gia were done?
625 00:31:14 Nope. Thought we were all set.
626 00:31:17 Really?
627 00:31:18 There wasn't a single moment?
628 00:31:21 A tiny crack in the beautiful pottery that was you and her?
629 00:31:27 I'm gonna need to think about that.
630 00:31:30 You go first.
631 00:31:32 When did you realise you and your ex were done?
632 00:31:34 Oh. There were probably a shitload of alarm bells I was snoozing through.
633 00:31:38 But if I had to pick a specific moment…
634 00:31:46 He don't wave at boats.
635 00:31:47 Say again?
636 00:31:50 If people on a boat wave at you, you have to wave back.
637 00:31:53 It's the law.
638 00:31:54 Tourism funds sex trafficking.
639 00:31:57 Hmm.
640 00:32:02 What?
641 00:32:04 So apparently there are two types of people in this world.
642 00:32:08 The ones who wave at boats
643 00:32:10 and the ones who hate joy.
644 00:32:12 Which one am I?
645 00:32:17 Haven't decided yet.
646 00:32:24 Oh, so, I have thought about my writing-on-the-wall moment.
647 00:32:28 This still wakes me up at night cringin'.
648 00:32:30 Ooh, this gonna be good.
649 00:32:34 Okay, um, so, a while back, for our anniversary,
650 00:32:41 I wanted to do something special.
651 00:32:44 So I booked the place we ended up at on our first date.
652 00:32:49 Can't believe I filled in my eyebrows for this.
653 00:32:51 - Late-night Morley's.
654 00:32:53 I thought it would be cute and romantic.
655 00:32:55 A sweet little throwback…
656 00:32:59 Hey-yo, boss man! I need chicken!
657 00:33:02 …but apparently not.
658 00:33:03 Hey, you're a lucky girl, aren't you?
659 00:33:08 Anyway, that was the last grand gesture I tried.
660 00:33:12 Okay, I'm not even lyin', yeah?
661 00:33:14 That is literally my dream date.
662 00:33:16 In fact, if I had a restaurant, I'd call it "Nuggets by Candlelight".
663 00:33:23 -No, but I'm not even joking. -Loser.
664 00:33:25 How could she not find that cute?
665 00:33:26 I don't know.
666 00:33:27 But that is my side of the story, innit?
667 00:33:31 I bet Gia must have loads of writin'-on-the-wall stories about me.
668 00:33:34 And there you go again, trying to share the blame.
669 00:33:36 Well, I'm just saying, what if they actually are meant to be?
670 00:33:39 -Gia and Eric? -Yeah.
671 00:33:42 What if I'm the awkward hook-up story?
672 00:33:45 A funny anecdote in a future best man's speech?
673 00:33:49 Wow. That is insanely forgiving.
674 00:33:53 I know. Maybe you've just inspired me.
675 00:33:57 How chill you are about your ex.
676 00:33:59 Maybe it's time I tried that shit.
677 00:34:02 Hey. Not everyone can be this, uh, progressive. Takes talent.
678 00:34:09 So, you were a grand gesture guy, then?
679 00:34:12 Big time.
680 00:34:13 I once hid chocolates in my girlfriend's bed,
681 00:34:15 but they melted, and she thought I shit myself.
682 00:34:23 -I won't be doing that again. - Uh-huh.
683 00:34:34 We should go get a drink.
684 00:34:37 Definitely.
685 00:34:39 I'll make you miss your last train today.
686 00:34:41 Is it now?
687 00:34:42 -Mm-hmm.
688 00:34:44 No, but seriously, I can't.
689 00:34:46 But if you're havin' a good time, you won't realise.
690 00:34:49 If I miss it, it's a night bus.
691 00:34:51 And if I'm lucky enough to survive that, it's a taxi.
692 00:34:53 Not an Uber, a taxi.
693 00:34:55 Yeah, but sometimes you just gotta say, "I'ma see what happens."
694 00:34:59 Like, fuck it. No plannin', balls to the wall,
695 00:35:02 just go where the breeze takes you.
696 00:35:03 "I'ma see what happens"?
697 00:35:05 It's good for the soul, trust.
698 00:35:12 So?
699 00:35:17 I got time.
700 00:35:22 Can I get a cranberry juice, a pint of lager
701 00:35:25 and a packet of salt and vinegar?
702 00:35:27 -Thank you.
703 00:35:30 Yas speaking.
704 00:35:31 Hey, this is Theresa from Upon Films. The costume designer.
705 00:35:34 Oh, hi.
706 00:35:36 Yeah, sorry to do this, but we're gonna have to shift you back half an hour?
707 00:35:40 Is that okay?
708 00:35:42 -You know what?
709 00:35:44 -That actually doesn't work for me. -Thank you.
710 00:35:46 Is it cool if I reschedule?
711 00:35:47 Yeah, actually, we were hoping to make a decision today.
712 00:35:51 -Sorry. -Uh, okay.
713 00:35:52 -Love you. See you later, bye! -Yeah-- Uh--
714 00:35:54 -Hello? Hello--
715 00:35:55 -Who's that? -Oh, that-that was Cass.
716 00:35:58 How is she?
717 00:36:00 Yeah, yeah, better.
718 00:36:01 Thank you.
719 00:36:03 Hey, I was, um, I was meaning to ask you.
720 00:36:06 -Do you really recognise Eric from Tinder? -Oh. [chuckles] No.
721 00:36:09 But you just know he's still on there, huntin'.
722 00:36:12 I'm guessing you're not on the apps, no?
723 00:36:14 Nah.
724 00:36:15 It's Valentine's Day at primary school all over again.
725 00:36:18 Oh, wait, let me guess.
726 00:36:19 Little Dom didn't get any cards.
727 00:36:21 -No. But you know who did?
728 00:36:24 Lewis Younge, who had pubes at nine
729 00:36:26 and would punch people in the nuts for fun.
730 00:36:28 Why are guys like that always called Lewis?
731 00:36:30 I know, right?
732 00:36:31 And now, everyone's only as good as their profile pic.
733 00:36:34 We're back to Lewis Younge and his drawer full of cards.
734 00:36:37 Oh! You still haven't told me your break-up story.
735 00:36:40 Uh, it really isn't that deep.
736 00:36:42 No, no. You broke up with him and didn't look back.
737 00:36:45 That's iconic.
738 00:36:47 -'Ey, 'ey, 'ey. - Stop. Shut up.
739 00:36:50 No, also-- also, dude, you met my ex.
740 00:36:52 Ah, oh. Okay. Fine.
741 00:36:57 We broke up because of A Tribe Called Quest.
742 00:37:01 - Aw, fuck! -Oh.
743 00:37:02 Hey, babe. How's your day been?
744 00:37:04 Mediocre with a sprinklin' of the entire universe trying to fuck with me.
745 00:37:08 Wait, wait, wait.
746 00:37:10 Jules?
747 00:37:11 Nathan's mate? The sculptor?
748 00:37:12 That's your ex?
749 00:37:13 Oh, he doesn't just sculpt.
750 00:37:15 He calls himself an artistic polymath,
751 00:37:17 which is just another term for being a cunt.
752 00:37:19 -But, yeah, him.
753 00:37:21 Things were getting kind of stale,
754 00:37:23 so I decided to try and get things flowing again, you know?
755 00:37:27 Reawaken the magic.
756 00:37:28 Your breath.
757 00:37:30 That will be the homemade hummus.
758 00:37:32 -Listen.
759 00:37:33 You know how my head gets when I've been working on something new.
760 00:37:36 I will take some of that hummus on a cracker.
761 00:37:38 Please tell me you dumped his arse right there and then.
762 00:37:40 -Yeah! -Right?
763 00:37:42 -Right? -Get rid of him.
764 00:37:43 Nope. I took a big L and got this prick some fucking hummus.
765 00:37:47 I figured, a few sips of wine, some tunes…
766 00:37:51 -Wow!
767 00:37:54 Babe, feeling a bit sonically sensitive right now.
768 00:37:57 So, do you mind turning that shit, like, way down for me?
769 00:37:59 He called Tribe "that shit"?
770 00:38:01 You might wanna ration your disdain because there's more.
771 00:38:06 Hi. You're blocking the TV.
772 00:38:09 Oh, okay.
773 00:38:11 - Interesting.
774 00:38:14 -Crocs. -Oh, fuck. Sorry.
775 00:38:20 You know, I'm gonna forward you an article about how hip-hop's promotion of violence
776 00:38:24 continues to perpetuate problematic Black stereotypes.
777 00:38:28 What?
778 00:38:31 And that's when it hit me.
779 00:38:33 I had become basic.
780 00:38:36 So, there and then, I came up with a simple ethos
781 00:38:39 to help guide me through all aspects of my life.
782 00:38:43 If you make the hummus,
783 00:38:45 you should get the head.
784 00:38:48 What the fuck?
785 00:38:49 -Yes!
786 00:38:53 -Yes! Get in, get in.
787 00:38:56 So while that prick was washing smooshed up chickpeas out of his pubes,
788 00:38:59 I packed up any shit I had around there and bounced.
789 00:39:05 Only one snag.
790 00:39:07 In my rush to escape, I forgot--
791 00:39:09 No. Don't say it.
792 00:39:11 My copy of The Low End Theory.
793 00:39:16 Do you know what?
794 00:39:18 You helped me with Gia. I wanna do this for you.
795 00:39:20 Let's go find a record shop right now, and I'll buy you a new copy.
796 00:39:23 That is really sweet.
797 00:39:25 But I don't want a new copy.
798 00:39:26 -I want my copy. -Oh. [chuckles] Okay.
799 00:39:28 Why should he get to keep it? Especially when he doesn't appreciate how good it is.
800 00:39:31 Have you asked for it back?
801 00:39:32 So he can make me jump through a million hoops?
802 00:39:34 -No, thank you. -I can go round. Ask for you.
803 00:39:36 Thank you, but he would love that even more.
804 00:39:39 Plus, he's not even in the country, so…
805 00:39:41 Ooh!
806 00:39:43 -Ooh! -What? What?
807 00:39:45 -Come on. -Where?
808 00:39:46 -Come on! -Oh. O-Okay.
809 00:39:48 -Yas, Yas.
810 00:39:50 -Chill. -Hurry up!
811 00:39:53 And you're definitely sure he's away?
812 00:39:59 -Who's the girl? -She was his life coach.
813 00:40:01 Apparently, she opened his mind.
814 00:40:02 And then her legs.
815 00:40:04 She's got some dumb name, like Tabby or something.
816 00:40:06 That's a pretty dumb name, isn't it? Or maybe not for a cat, but…
817 00:40:12 -What? -No, nothing.
818 00:40:13 I'm just saying it's a dumb name, that's all.
819 00:40:18 How come you still got a key to Jules's place anyway?
820 00:40:21 I still got the key to my year-eight locker on here, okay?
821 00:40:27 Damn. He must've changed the locks.
822 00:40:30 Like I'm gonna break in.
823 00:40:32 -Fiona and Steve! -Huh?
824 00:40:34 My parents' next-door neighbours.
825 00:40:36 They always have a key in case of emergencies. Oh.
826 00:40:39 Someone must have a key for Jules's gaff.
827 00:40:46 Come on. Are you coming? Come on!
828 00:40:47 - Yes.
829 00:40:48 Jules's mums.
830 00:40:49 Like, "mums", plural. Janet and Tanice.
831 00:40:52 Are you sure you're down for this?
832 00:40:54 Yeah.
833 00:40:55 Mums love me. Trust.
834 00:41:00 Okay, well, just chill and keep them chattin', and I'll look for the key.
835 00:41:03 -What?
836 00:41:04 I thought you were gonna ask for it.
837 00:41:05 I can't walk up and demand the key.
838 00:41:07 -We're gonna have to chat to them-- -About what?
839 00:41:08 -I don't know.
840 00:41:10 -Hi, Auntie.
841 00:41:11 You're joking me. Yas!
842 00:41:14 - Tanice, look who's here!
843 00:41:17 You are a sight for sore eyes.
844 00:41:20 -Girl! -Come here!
845 00:41:21 - Oh!
846 00:41:23 We were coming back from somewhere, and I desperately needed a loo.
847 00:41:26 And then I realised I was right by your place, so…
848 00:41:28 Oh, say no more. Come in and do your business.
849 00:41:30 -And you're gonna stay for a drink. -Who's that, then?
850 00:41:32 Oh, this is my friend Dom.
851 00:41:35 Room for one more?
852 00:41:36 Mmm.
853 00:41:38 You remember where it is, and make sure you use the good soap.
854 00:41:41 - Yes.
855 00:41:44 Come, boy.
856 00:41:47 ♪ You'll never find ♪
857 00:41:52 ♪ As long as you live ♪
858 00:41:57 ♪ Someone who loves you ♪
859 00:42:01 What's happening, everyone?
860 00:42:02 ♪ Tender like I do ♪
861 00:42:03 Help yourself.
862 00:42:04 But not the Wray & Nephews.
863 00:42:06 Oh, that's okay. I'm not really a big drinker.
864 00:42:09 Tyrese, come here, lovey.
865 00:42:11 Dominoes. Sick.
866 00:42:14 Oh, I'll leave you to it.
867 00:42:22 You're in my seat.
868 00:42:23 And that was obviously a mistake.
869 00:42:48 Hmm.
870 00:42:51 Oh, no, no, no. Auntie said--
871 00:42:52 Okay, maybe a bit then. Cheers.
872 00:42:57 -You like the tunes?
873 00:42:58 Oh.
874 00:43:00 Yeah. Definitely. This is a bop.
875 00:43:04 Wouldn't think it'd be your ting.
876 00:43:06 -Oh, no. No, this is specifically my ting.
877 00:43:10 Yeah. Like a Sunday morning in Kingston type vibe.
878 00:43:14 -Jamaica. Not upon Thames.
879 00:43:20 So, what else you into?
880 00:43:21 Hip-hop, grime, trap, bit of Motown after one too many of these.
881 00:43:25 Hmm. You sound like a man who knows his music.
882 00:43:28 Pass your phone.
883 00:43:29 -Hmm? -Let's put some of your joints on.
884 00:43:31 Oh.
885 00:43:32 -Oh, no, people seem to be en-- -Anyone mind if we change the music?
886 00:43:34 -No, go ahead. -No.
887 00:43:36 Come, come. Come, come, come, come, come.
888 00:43:37 I don't think my phone's gonna connect to the Blue--
889 00:43:39 PIN?
890 00:43:41 Yeah, what is it again? Um.
891 00:43:43 Two, one, seven, three.
892 00:43:44 But, listen, uh, my tastes are pretty eclectic--
893 00:43:46 Don't worry, I'm gonna put it on shuffle.
894 00:43:48 ♪ I don't want to run away ♪
895 00:43:49 ♪ But I can't take it I don't understand ♪
896 00:43:55 Oh. Obviously, this doesn't really have a-- a party feel, so…
897 00:44:00 ♪ Some say love, it is a river ♪
898 00:44:03 Sorry.
899 00:44:06 I listened to this one playlist a lot after…
900 00:44:08 ♪ That drowns ♪
901 00:44:09 Try it one more time.
902 00:44:11 ♪ The tender… ♪
903 00:44:13 It's ridiculous.
904 00:44:15 Let it play.
905 00:44:19 ♪ Fortunately you have found ♪
906 00:44:23 ♪ Someone who relies on you ♪
907 00:44:28 ♪ We started out as friends ♪
908 00:44:34 ♪ Sign your name across my heart ♪
909 00:44:38 ♪ I want you to be my baby ♪
910 00:44:43 ♪ Sign your name across my heart ♪
911 00:44:47 ♪ I want you to be my lady ♪
912 00:44:53 Oh, okay.
913 00:44:59 Do you want another piece of chicken?
914 00:45:00 Yeah.
915 00:45:10 So, Peter. My guy.
916 00:45:14 Like I was saying a second ago, um,
917 00:45:15 we just need to get into Jules's flat for like a quick minute.
918 00:45:19 To, uh, liberate Yas's vinyl?
919 00:45:25 -Yeah. -Hmm.
920 00:45:26 See? [clicks tongue] You get it.
921 00:45:27 You're old school.
922 00:45:31 -Old. -Good old.
923 00:45:34 You know what?
924 00:45:36 I think I remember Tanice mentioning somewhere special they keep valuables
925 00:45:42 and keys and such. Huh?
926 00:45:56 -That marga boy you brought round… - Oh, here you go again, Auntie.
927 00:45:59 He ain't your type, baby.
928 00:46:02 Nah, he ain't.
929 00:46:14 -Give us a hand. -Oh, don't-- don't worry.
930 00:46:16 -I'll take it in for you. -Oh. Aw.
931 00:46:19 -Let's go. -Okay.
932 00:46:27 The fuck am I doin'?
933 00:46:34 There must be some way you and Jules can work things out.
934 00:46:38 It's never gonna happen, Aunties.
935 00:46:39 -I'm sorry. - Oh. But why?
936 00:46:41 - But you were so good together. - Go on. Yeah.
937 00:46:44 Oh, I see. So you've set your sights elsewhere.
938 00:46:47 You guys are funny. I've known him for, like, a day.
939 00:46:50 The only reason we're hanging out is because I heard him cryin',
940 00:46:53 and I felt sorry for him. That's it.
941 00:46:54 What?
942 00:46:56 I really think you should.
943 00:46:58 -What the hell do you think you're doing? -Uh, no, I wasn't--
944 00:47:01 Um-- It--
945 00:47:02 -Tanice. -I totally get how this must--
946 00:47:04 - Yes, babes. -Uh, but…
947 00:47:06 -Peter said-- but, nah-- Auntie. - What's going on, babes?
948 00:47:08 I caught this boy going through your knicker drawer.
949 00:47:10 What? See, I knew there was something off about you, ya little perv.
950 00:47:15 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is not what I was doing at all.
951 00:47:18 See, I was trying to find the key.
952 00:47:19 What key?
953 00:47:23 What have you done?
954 00:47:28 Wow, so that got…
955 00:47:29 -Real. -Yeah.
956 00:47:32 Sorry.
957 00:47:33 No, it's-- it's cool.
958 00:47:34 It actually was my fault. I was trying to steal some of Tanice's pants.
959 00:47:37 I knew it.
960 00:47:41 We were so close.
961 00:47:42 Like, so close.
962 00:47:44 -I really thought we were gonna-- -All right, I heard you, okay?
963 00:47:48 Hmm?
964 00:47:49 When I was upstairs, I heard you chattin'.
965 00:47:51 That was you in the toilet back at Nathan's thing?
966 00:47:54 And that's why we're hanging out today, 'cause you felt sorry for me.
967 00:47:57 No.
968 00:47:59 Uh, kind of.
969 00:48:00 That makes so much sense.
970 00:48:01 But that wasn't the only reason.
971 00:48:04 I had an interview this afternoon
972 00:48:07 for a job doing costume on a low-budget film.
973 00:48:12 I didn't know whether I wanted to go.
974 00:48:14 And then they called me to push it back,
975 00:48:16 and we were having such a nice time, so I thought--
976 00:48:18 Wait, wait, wait, wait.
977 00:48:19 Why wouldn't you wanna go?
978 00:48:21 A film? That's amazing.
979 00:48:23 Well, this would be my fifth interview since I finished my course.
980 00:48:29 I guess I wasn't really in the mood for another no.
981 00:48:31 Well, it might've been a yes.
982 00:48:33 Maybe.
983 00:48:38 So, are we cool? With the whole…
984 00:48:41 Crying thing?
985 00:48:46 Hey, listen, if I, um--
986 00:48:47 If I get your number, maybe we can chill again sometime or…
987 00:48:52 Definitely.
988 00:48:55 Next time, Laser Quest though.
989 00:48:56 Oh, you didn't enjoy kicking it at my ex's mums' gaff, no?
990 00:49:02 Oh.
991 00:49:09 -I'm gonna call an Uber. -Think I'll get the tube. Um…
992 00:49:11 -Cool. -Yeah.
993 00:49:26 -Hi. - Hi.
994 00:49:36 Yas. I just had a thought.
995 00:49:39 That idiot Mona feeds Jules's succulents, so she's gotta have a key.
996 00:49:44 You fancy borrowing the beast?
997 00:49:53 You all right back there?
998 00:49:57 Loving it.
999 00:50:00 So, this Mona who may have a key, they run the karaoke night?
1000 00:50:04 Yeah.
1001 00:50:06 And just a heads up, Mona can be a little bit… extra.
1002 00:50:14 ♪ Fuck the government And fuck Boris, yeah ♪
1003 00:50:16 ♪ I'm a villain Killin' when I'm barrin' ♪
1004 00:50:18 ♪ Brothers in the hood Just like the movie that I star in ♪
1005 00:50:21 ♪ Servicin' my whip I phoned the boss to bring my car in ♪
1006 00:50:23 ♪ I could probably take your chick But I just wouldn't 'cause she's jarrin' ♪
1007 00:50:26 ♪ Oh, I got the sauce ♪
1008 00:50:27 ♪ Don't know what you thought ♪
1009 00:50:29 ♪ Catch me up in the snow In my sliders and my shorts ♪
1010 00:50:32 ♪ Chicks tryna get my brother Flipz… ♪
1011 00:50:33 -Whoa, whoa, whoa. -I know the person who runs it.
1012 00:50:35 Mona! Yo, Mona!
1013 00:50:36 Uh, Dean, can you bounce this girl, please? She's mad.
1014 00:50:39 -What? -Yeah, sure.
1015 00:50:41 Joke, joke, joke, joke, jokes. Let her in.
1016 00:50:43 ♪ Brothers in the hood Just like the movie that I star in ♪
1017 00:50:46 ♪ Servicin' them whip And get my boss to bring my car in ♪
1018 00:50:48 -Hey.
1019 00:50:49 ♪ But I just wouldn't 'Cause she's jarrin' ♪
1020 00:50:51 ♪ Oh, I've got the sauce ♪
1021 00:50:52 -I don't know about that. - We'll be in and out.
1022 00:50:54 He won't even know we were there. So speedy.
1023 00:50:56 Yeah, and then what happens if you can't help yourself,
1024 00:50:58 and you end up doing something stupid,
1025 00:51:00 like cutting all the crotches out of his jeans or taking a shit in his sink?
1026 00:51:04 Why would I do anything like that?
1027 00:51:09 Right, here's the thing.
1028 00:51:10 I'm just struggling to understand what it is that I'm gonna get out of it.
1029 00:51:13 How about the chance to do the right thing?
1030 00:51:14 All right, it's not the fucking Avengers, darling.
1031 00:51:16 -What do you want? - That's on you, Yasmine.
1032 00:51:18 But be creative, yeah? Because I'm so unbelievably bored.
1033 00:51:21 I'm stuck here with these posers, dying of inertia,
1034 00:51:23 while you two get to run around and shit in people's sinks.
1035 00:51:25 What entertainment are you providing Mona in exchange for this favour?
1036 00:51:30 Damn, this is some gladiator shit tonight.
1037 00:51:35 -No. No. -Do you want those keys or not?
1038 00:51:39 Oh, my days, this is gonna be amazing!
1039 00:51:42 Okay. Say stop.
1040 00:51:44 Stop.
1041 00:51:50 Oh!
1042 00:51:51 Fine. We can do that.
1043 00:51:54 "We"?
1044 00:51:55 Okay, our next victim. By special request, we got Yas and Dom.
1045 00:52:01 Where you kids at?
1046 00:52:07 Just one second.
1047 00:52:09 -What's going on? -I can't do this.
1048 00:52:11 -Yes, you can. -No, no, no.
1049 00:52:13 You're the girl who gives strangers compliments in shops.
1050 00:52:14 I'm also the girl that ducked out of a job interview today 'cause she was too scared.
1051 00:52:18 I thought it was 'cause we were having a nice time.
1052 00:52:20 Yeah, don't worry. We got all night.
1053 00:52:21 Honestly, Dom, this is crazy.
1054 00:52:23 Just fuck the keys, fuck the record. Jules can keep it. Let's just go.
1055 00:52:26 Don't worry. I got this.
1056 00:52:29 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
1057 00:52:39 ♪ Hey, how's it goin'? ♪
1058 00:52:42 I'm great.
1059 00:52:44 ♪ No, not you You, the bow-legged one ♪
1060 00:52:48 -Mmm.
1061 00:52:50 ♪ What's your name? ♪
1062 00:52:51 Get off, mate. You're rubbish.
1063 00:52:53 ♪ Damn, baby ♪
1064 00:52:54 Get out.
1065 00:52:55 -♪ That's sexy ♪
1066 00:52:58 ♪ Here I go, here I go Here I go again ♪
1067 00:53:00 -♪ Girls, what's my weakness? ♪ - ♪ Men ♪
1068 00:53:02 ♪ Okay, then, chillin', chillin' Mindin' my business ♪
1069 00:53:05 ♪ Yo, Salt, I looked around And I couldn't believe this ♪
1070 00:53:08 ♪ I swear, I stared My niece my witness ♪
1071 00:53:10 - ♪ I, um… ♪
1072 00:53:13 ♪ Wicked, wicked Had to kick-- ♪
1073 00:53:15 -Sorry, um…
1074 00:53:17 ♪ Then I flipped for a tip Make me wanna do tricks for him ♪
1075 00:53:20 ♪ Licked him Like a lollipop should be licked ♪
1076 00:53:23 ♪ Came to my senses And I chilled for a bit ♪
1077 00:53:25 ♪ Don't know how you do The voodoo that you do ♪
1078 00:53:28 ♪ So well it's a spell, hell Makes me wanna shoop shoop shoop ♪
1079 00:53:31 -♪ Shoop ba-doop, shoop ba-doop ♪ - Whoo! Yeah!
1080 00:53:33 -♪ Shoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doop ♪
1081 00:53:36 ♪ Shoop ba-doop Shoop ba-doop ♪
1082 00:53:38 ♪ Shoop ba-doop Um ♪
1083 00:53:40 ♪ You're packed and you're stacked Specifically in the back ♪
1084 00:53:42 ♪ Brother, wanna thank your mother For a butt like that ♪
1085 00:53:45 ♪ Can I get some fries With that shake-shake booty? ♪
1086 00:53:47 ♪ If looks can kill You would be an Uzi ♪
1087 00:53:50 ♪ You're a shotgun, bang! ♪
1088 00:53:51 ♪ What's up with that thang? ♪
1089 00:53:53 -♪ I wanna know, how does it hang? ♪
1090 00:53:55 ♪ Straight up, wait up Hold up, Mr Lover ♪
1091 00:53:58 ♪ Like Prince said You're a sexy motha-- ♪
1092 00:54:00 ♪ Well, I like 'em real wild B-boy style by the mile ♪
1093 00:54:03 ♪ Smooth Black skin With a smile ♪
1094 00:54:05 ♪ Bright as the sun I wanna have some fun ♪
1095 00:54:07 ♪ Come and give me some of that yum-yum Chocolate-- ♪
1096 00:54:09 -Were we just 110% fucking lit? -I can't believe you just did that.
1097 00:54:13 Hey, you're the one who just came on and absolutely smashed it.
1098 00:54:19 Uh…
1099 00:54:23 Uh, I was trying to kiss you on the cheek, and I missed--
1100 00:54:26 -Were you? -Yes.
1101 00:54:29 Sorry.
1102 00:54:49 - You can't be in there together.
1103 00:54:52 Whoo!
1104 00:54:57 -Whoo!
1105 00:54:59 What are you doing?
1106 00:55:01 I got over-excited.
1107 00:55:11 Who is that?
1108 00:55:12 I don't know.
1109 00:55:14 Why is he following us?
1110 00:55:16 -Go faster!
1111 00:55:25 -Oh, shit!
1112 00:55:27 -I told you. He ain't here.
1113 00:55:30 Hey, hey. You gonna get the record or…
1114 00:55:34 I gotta wee.
1115 00:55:35 Okay, but just don't touch anything, yeah? Fingerprints.
1116 00:55:43 -Okay.
1117 00:55:52 ♪ Da-doop Shoop ba-doop ♪
1118 00:55:54 ♪ Shoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-- ♪
1119 00:56:05 That's how I imagine Obama smells.
1120 00:56:08 Is that cedar-wood?
1121 00:56:11 What is that?
1122 00:56:12 A Mooncup.
1123 00:56:13 -Probably Tabby's. -Yeah, I guessed that.
1124 00:56:16 Jules used to make me hide my tampons in my make-up bag.
1125 00:56:19 He has a thing. He says it puts him off brushing his teeth.
1126 00:56:22 That is wild!
1127 00:56:23 Yeah, but apparently Tabby's just welcome to leave her shit on display!
1128 00:56:26 I need a drink. You wanna a drink? I want a drink.
1129 00:56:28 Yas. Yas? Yas!
1130 00:56:30 Hey! Listen, we probably shouldn't--
1131 00:56:31 Oh! That is a sexy V60.
1132 00:56:45 I get it. You got a boner over his gaff. It's nice. It's cute.
1133 00:56:48 Yas? Yas, where you going now? Just--
1134 00:56:50 I just need to check something. One sec.
1135 00:56:55 -How is that even a sculpture?
1136 00:56:58 -I knew it. She's fucking moved in. -So?
1137 00:57:01 Three months they've been together.
1138 00:57:02 And look. All of her underwear looks like this.
1139 00:57:07 Seriously, you'd have to sew 15 of these together
1140 00:57:08 to get the pants I'm wearing right now.
1141 00:57:10 -Why do you care? -I don't.
1142 00:57:11 If she wants to be plagued by yeast infections, it's none of my business.
1143 00:57:16 -Shit! Come on.
1144 00:57:18 -This way, this way. -Fuck.
1145 00:57:20 Nepalese or Peruvian?
1146 00:57:23 Ah, I could murder a seviche right now.
1147 00:57:26 -Hon? -Mmm?
1148 00:57:28 Did you leave the lights on?
1149 00:57:29 Must have been Mona.
1150 00:57:35 Oh.
1151 00:57:38 Ugh.
1152 00:57:40 Uh, what the fuck is in my rice?
1153 00:57:43 Is that my Mooncup?
1154 00:57:45 Ugh, okay. I do not get Mona's sense of humour.
1155 00:57:51 Someone's here.
1156 00:57:54 -Get your rape spray. -They made me chuck it.
1157 00:57:55 It was over a hundred mils!
1158 00:57:58 -The fuck I'm gonna do with that? Fuck. -Well, I don't know.
1159 00:58:04 Yo!
1160 00:58:06 Don't let me catch you up in this crib, 'cause I'll straight up end you.
1161 00:58:10 -You get me? -You should try and sound more scary.
1162 00:58:12 What do you think I'm trying to do?
1163 00:58:14 -Shh. -Oh, God.
1164 00:58:20 Surprise.
1165 00:58:23 Yas?
1166 00:58:25 -Hey. -Wow!
1167 00:58:28 As in your ex, Yas?
1168 00:58:31 What is she doing here, Julian?
1169 00:58:32 Puttin' Mooncups in my rice and stealing your thongs apparently.
1170 00:58:36 I wasn't stealing it. I was actually just trying it.
1171 00:58:38 - Well, now you've stretched them. - My bad.
1172 00:58:40 I have to give it to you, man. You are tenacious in your madness.
1173 00:58:45 I change the locks, and you still find a way to break in
1174 00:58:47 and bring your drama into our flat?
1175 00:58:48 Our flat now, is it?
1176 00:58:50 Yes, actually, this is our safe space which you've literally invaded.
1177 00:58:54 Hello. Hi. Hello.
1178 00:58:56 Sorry, this is all a massive misunderstanding.
1179 00:58:59 We didn't break in. We got the key from Mona.
1180 00:59:01 And we only came to get Yas's album.
1181 00:59:03 -The Low End Theory? -Never heard of it.
1182 00:59:05 Yeah, they probably don't play it on basic bitch F.M.
1183 00:59:07 Oh, wow. Okay, that was really uncalled for.
1184 00:59:10 Babe, are you gonna call the police? Because I'm done with this toxic energy.
1185 00:59:13 No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen.
1186 00:59:15 The-- The record has sentimental value.
1187 00:59:17 If we can just grab it, we'll bounce.
1188 00:59:19 Listen, you seem like a nice guy, so let me give you some free advice.
1189 00:59:25 -Run.
1190 00:59:26 'Cause she will ruin your life, trust me.
1191 00:59:29 That's unnecessary, man.
1192 00:59:30 No. That girl is a human quagmire.
1193 00:59:34 That's a bog.
1194 00:59:35 -People know what a quagmire is, babe. -Yeah, no. I know.
1195 00:59:37 -But they might not understand your arty-- -Can I finish?
1196 00:59:40 She will drag you down into all her petty shit
1197 00:59:44 till you're struggling to breathe.
1198 00:59:47 My petty shit?
1199 00:59:49 When we were together, everything was about you.
1200 00:59:51 How many gallery openings did I go to?
1201 00:59:53 Or dead poetry nights, smiling along
1202 00:59:55 as you and your artist mates talked about how underappreciated you were.
1203 00:59:57 You wouldn't understand the creative struggle.
1204 00:59:59 Okay, fine.
1205 01:00:01 You know, she thought she was gonna be a big-time costume designer.
1206 01:00:05 Used to stay up all night, doodling away in her little pads.
1207 01:00:10 How is that going by the way?
1208 01:00:12 Babe. Babe. He's trying to steal our shit.
1209 01:00:15 -Little thief. - Oh, come on, man.
1210 01:00:18 You don't even care about this. Just let her have it.
1211 01:00:21 Oh, snap!
1212 01:00:23 You're properly into her, aren't you?
1213 01:00:28 Mate, she's already got you breaking and entering.
1214 01:00:32 You really think this is gonna end well?
1215 01:00:35 Not just breaking and entering.
1216 01:00:38 She had me rapping to a room full of people earlier
1217 01:00:41 and racing about town on the back of a moped.
1218 01:00:43 -Your mum's moped, actually. -What?
1219 01:00:46 They lent it to us after they caught me sneaking around her underwear drawer.
1220 01:00:49 Seriously, what is it with you two and other people's underwear?
1221 01:00:52 Yeah, that is a bit weird.
1222 01:00:57 In answer to your question, I don't know how today is gonna end.
1223 01:01:00 But, as weird as it's been,
1224 01:01:05 it's also kind of been one of the greatest days ever, so…
1225 01:01:09 Even being on the back of the moped?
1226 01:01:11 No, I hated that.
1227 01:01:14 Aw, that is actually really cute.
1228 01:01:19 Are you done?
1229 01:01:20 -'Cause I'd like my property back now. -It's not yours though, is it?
1230 01:01:23 -Oh, seriously, don't be confused. Yeah? -What's the--
1231 01:01:27 Just 'cause I know how to rock a kimono doesn't mean I can't fuck you up!
1232 01:01:30 Hey, hey, hey. Listen. You don't wanna fight me.
1233 01:01:32 Your hands are your tools, and I have a notoriously bony face.
1234 01:01:35 So, we'll be leaving now, with the record, but it was lovely to meet you both--
1235 01:01:40 -Oh. Oh, my God.
1236 01:01:42 I posed for that for weeks!
1237 01:01:44 -Oh. Oh, I am so, so, so--
1238 01:01:46 - Ah, fuck! - Are you--
1239 01:01:48 What are you doing? Why did you do that?
1240 01:01:50 - Whoa! -Stay away from my man!
1241 01:01:51 -I don't want your-- -No! No!
1242 01:01:54 -You're a psycho! -What's your problem?
1243 01:01:55 Everybody, please watch the fucking art.
1244 01:02:11 You know, I actually felt guilty about how it went down between us.
1245 01:02:16 But now, I know I made the right decision dumping your arse.
1246 01:02:40 Yas? Yas!
1247 01:02:42 Wait, I don't understand. He dumped you?
1248 01:02:45 Yeah.
1249 01:02:46 -But you told me-- -I know what I told you.
1250 01:02:47 Come on. You loved that I dashed him. You said I was iconic.
1251 01:02:50 -That's what I thought actually happened. -Me and you had literally just met.
1252 01:02:52 I didn't think you wanted to hear my whole sob story.
1253 01:02:54 -You made me tell you mine. -It didn't take much persuading.
1254 01:02:56 No. Sorry. Look.
1255 01:02:57 You're trying to turn this around on me for being too truthful?
1256 01:03:02 Fine. You really wanna hear all the grimy details?
1257 01:03:07 I sat around in the same pair of joggers for weeks,
1258 01:03:10 cryin' into Greggs sausage rolls, leaving cringy, begging voicemails.
1259 01:03:15 And as if that wasn't enough,
1260 01:03:17 I accidentally liked a photo of Tabby from five years ago on her mum's Facebook.
1261 01:03:22 So, Jules told all our friends I was a stalker,
1262 01:03:26 and every single one of them, except for Cass, believed him.
1263 01:03:31 That's really shit. But why wouldn't you just tell me that?
1264 01:03:35 I'm not good at this, Dom.
1265 01:03:40 Can we just go get a beer and start over, please?
1266 01:03:45 I can't.
1267 01:03:46 Why not?
1268 01:03:48 Because you lied to me from the jump.
1269 01:03:51 At least Gia waited a while.
1270 01:03:54 I'm not Gia.
1271 01:03:55 -I know. I know that. -I didn't fuck your best mate.
1272 01:03:57 I just curated my shit a little bit. Big fucking deal.
1273 01:03:59 Maybe you should try it. Maybe then you'd have a few more cards left in your drawer.
1274 01:04:02 Maybe, but at least I'd still be real.
1275 01:04:05 You win. God, there's nothing realer than being in your twenties
1276 01:04:08 and still wanking away in a single bed at your parents' house there, is there?
1277 01:04:10 Coming from the girl who literally just broke into her ex's flat
1278 01:04:13 so she could see him again.
1279 01:04:14 This is wild. You're trying to make out like I'm not over Jules
1280 01:04:16 when Gia lives in your head rent free.
1281 01:04:20 Hey, how about we go find a toilet so you can have a big cry in it.
1282 01:04:57 ♪ Sipping on my lemon and ginger And I can count the times ♪
1283 01:05:04 Night bus! Whoop-whoop!
1284 01:05:07 ♪ When things weren't wonderful ♪
1285 01:05:09 Whoop.
1286 01:05:12 ♪ But worthwhile love is a handful ♪
1287 01:05:19 ♪ I mean when I say ♪
1288 01:05:23 ♪ You're beautiful ♪
1289 01:05:30 ♪ Don't waste your tears On those images ♪
1290 01:05:34 ♪ You have too many years ahead of you And not too many before you ♪
1291 01:05:41 ♪ Darling ♪
1292 01:05:44 ♪ Let go of the hurt in your heart ♪
1293 01:05:50 ♪ Baby, I've said from the start ♪
1294 01:05:53 ♪ I'm here beside you ♪
1295 01:05:56 ♪ Took too long to find you ♪
1296 01:06:00 ♪ I'm not goin' anywhere I'm not goin' anywhere, no ♪
1297 01:06:07 ♪ Times have been hard ♪
1298 01:06:14 ♪ And in those instances ♪
1299 01:06:18 ♪ Our feet are trottin' broken glass ♪
1300 01:06:25 ♪ Don't forget ♪
1301 01:06:29 ♪ What we already have ♪
1302 01:06:36 ♪ We can keep going ♪
1303 01:06:40 ♪ But hold on to what we have ♪
1304 01:06:51 Dom.
1305 01:07:00 Steve McQueen is a genius.
1306 01:07:02 Facts.
1307 01:07:08 Are you stalking me?
1308 01:07:09 Y-Yes. No. No, I'm not stalking you.
1309 01:07:12 Just, from behind, you kinda look--
1310 01:07:13 You-- You look like someone, so…
1311 01:07:16 Sorry, you don't care, and I wasn't looking at your behind. I'm just--
1312 01:07:27 It's so rustic here. I love it.
1313 01:07:29 No, it's really cute. It's, like, heroin-chic. I love it.
1314 01:07:32 ♪ Darlin' ♪
1315 01:07:34 -♪ Let go of the hurt in your heart ♪
1316 01:07:40 ♪ Baby, I've said from the start ♪
1317 01:07:44 ♪ I'm here beside you ♪
1318 01:07:46 - Oh, I-I like wine. - Yeah?
1319 01:07:49 Yeah. I'm on beer tonight, but…
1320 01:07:50 Yeah, I noticed. That's okay.
1321 01:07:58 Hello! Upon Films.
1322 01:08:00 Hi, it's Yas. I have a twelve o'clock meeting with Aman?
1323 01:08:08 Is this where the big-time costume designers hang out?
1324 01:08:12 Congratulations!
1325 01:08:17 Twenty years ago today, Linda and Ken signed their names
1326 01:08:20 -across each other's hearts. - Dom?
1327 01:08:21 Yeah. Cheers, mate.
1328 01:08:22 This one's for you, Linda. I love this smooth classic.
1329 01:08:25 ♪ Sign your name across my heart ♪
1330 01:08:29 ♪ I want you to be my baby ♪
1331 01:08:39 - Please come. Please. - No. No, leave me alone.
1332 01:08:43 I don't need all this pressure to go to Nathan's new show
1333 01:08:45 -and be like, "Fancy bumping into you!"
1334 01:08:47 It's just like, do I really wanna put myself through that? No.
1335 01:08:50 I don't need to be listening to him bang on about his ex
1336 01:08:52 whilst looking at a bunch of arses.
1337 01:08:53 No offence.
1338 01:08:57 Get ready to rock 'n' roll.
1339 01:09:02 Mum, I'm a big boy. I'll be fine.
1340 01:09:16 D-Do you wanna put that in the back?
1341 01:09:18 No, I'm good.
1342 01:09:20 Okay.
1343 01:09:22 You know what? My boy.
1344 01:09:25 Bye, Dom's mummy and dad. Love you.
1345 01:09:28 Fine. Maybe I could have been a bit more vulnerable, you know? Let him in a bit.
1346 01:09:32 But that's a bit… Like…
1347 01:09:35 I used to believe in all that fairy-tale,
1348 01:09:37 "Of all the toilets in all of London, I walked into his" type-bullshit.
1349 01:09:40 But that's not fate. That's just poor bladder control.
1350 01:09:42 I wouldn't mind the toilet, actually.
1351 01:09:44 And also, it was day one.
1352 01:09:46 I mean, I've had a longer relationship with the woman who threads my eyebrows,
1353 01:09:49 and me and her, well--
1354 01:09:50 Well, me and her, we don't really talk about anything.
1355 01:09:55 I wasn't even that into him.
1356 01:09:56 -I mean, was he nice? Yes.
1357 01:09:58 Did I feel comfortable around him? Yes. Was it ever going to work? I don't know.
1358 01:10:01 Maybe, but that's life, and, you know, I love being single. Like so much so.
1359 01:10:06 -Course you do. -Hmm?
1360 01:10:07 You know, for a lad you're not that into, you do talk about him a lot, love.
1361 01:10:12 -No, I don't. -You do.
1362 01:10:13 -I don't. -You do.
1363 01:10:15 - So, I was thinking. -I don't.
1364 01:10:17 She's just been through this huge battle,
1365 01:10:19 but she's also been through an internal battle.
1366 01:10:20 Do I?
1367 01:10:22 You know, sort of figuring out that this guy is actually pretty special.
1368 01:10:27 This needs to be iconic. It's the end of the movie.
1369 01:10:31 He deserves, like, some kind of grand gesture, you know?
1370 01:10:40 We know more about Neptune than we do about the human anus.
1371 01:10:44 Yeah?
1372 01:10:45 That's a fact.
1373 01:10:47 Last night, I was at this soirée with the white brother from Twilight.
1374 01:10:51 Yeah.
1375 01:10:52 He was telling me my next ting should be toenails.
1376 01:10:57 -Toenails? -Yeah.
1377 01:11:17 You're such a knob.
1378 01:11:18 Uh, sorry?
1379 01:11:20 Sorry, not-- Sorry, not, just, uh…
1380 01:11:22 Actually, not gonna do this again. I'm leaving now.
1381 01:11:31 Hey, babes.
1382 01:11:33 I beg you, let me buy the hairy one.
1383 01:11:36 -Not gonna happen, babe. -Please.
1384 01:11:37 - Absolutely not. - Please.
1385 01:11:39 No.
1386 01:11:42 That's mine, in case anyone was wondering.
1387 01:11:46 Nice.
1388 01:11:48 It's okay, Dom. You can look.
1389 01:11:50 Nah, I'm-- I'm cool.
1390 01:11:55 -So-- -She's not here.
1391 01:11:58 What happened?
1392 01:11:59 You and Yas were annoyingly perfect for one another.
1393 01:12:02 Mm-hmm.
1394 01:12:06 I don't think either of us were ready.
1395 01:12:09 And, um, I guess she still isn't.
1396 01:12:15 Oh, shit.
1397 01:12:16 Babes, they're bringin' out the new "canaps."
1398 01:12:18 -Uh-- -Let's go.
1399 01:12:19 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
1400 01:12:22 Go on. Go on.
1401 01:12:25 Just have a sneaky look.
1402 01:12:27 No.
1403 01:12:28 It'll cheer you up.
1404 01:12:30 Mmm, I'm not looking at your bum.
1405 01:12:32 It's got healing powers.
1406 01:12:34 Leave me alone.
1407 01:12:40 That's mine, by the way.
1408 01:12:51 - Uh, hey. -Hey.
1409 01:12:54 Um, I was prayin' that you weren't gonna pick up.
1410 01:12:57 Thought I'd be too busy wanking away in my single bed?
1411 01:12:59 Turns out, I was the wanker.
1412 01:13:03 Um, a-are you at Nathan's show?
1413 01:13:06 Yeah. But you're not.
1414 01:13:08 Actually, I should be by any second.
1415 01:13:10 Oh, cool. It'd be good to see you.
1416 01:13:12 -Cheers. - Yeah?
1417 01:13:15 Turn around.
1418 01:13:20 That's you, right?
1419 01:13:27 I knew you were a boat waver!
1420 01:13:29 Wait, is that you?
1421 01:13:32 Yeah.
1422 01:13:35 What are you doin'? You're miles away.
1423 01:13:38 Come down and meet me.
1424 01:13:44 Please?
1425 01:13:50 Listen, I'm really sorry for all the shit I said. I was a dick.
1426 01:13:53 I was being overly sensitive.
1427 01:13:55 Can you stop being nice? Please. I'm trying to explain.
1428 01:13:59 The thing is, that day at Nathan's thing, I just--
1429 01:14:04 I didn't wanna be sad anymore.
1430 01:14:06 And so, I lied.
1431 01:14:09 And then you called me iconic.
1432 01:14:12 And I liked that you saw me that way, so I kept on lyin'.
1433 01:14:15 Come on. It wouldn't have mattered. I'd think you were cool either way.
1434 01:14:20 - Yeah.
1435 01:14:21 I know that now.
1436 01:14:24 Maybe we can start over.
1437 01:14:27 Yas! Wait. Where you going? Yas! Wait!
1438 01:14:31 I'm on a fucking boat!
1439 01:14:34 Sorry. Sorry.
1440 01:14:35 Why are you on a fucking boat?
1441 01:14:38 'Cause I figured you deserve the grand gestures for once, bub.
1442 01:14:44 What's happening?
1443 01:14:45 Right. Yeah, I didn't-- I didn't actually check what route this is taking, so--
1444 01:14:49 Stay where you are. I'm comin', okay?
1445 01:14:51 I don't really have a choice.
1446 01:14:53 And just so you know, I still think you're iconic.
1447 01:14:56 I'm coming, Captain!
1448 01:15:19 Where are--
1449 01:15:41 Hey.
1450 01:15:43 Hey.
1451 01:15:47 So…
1452 01:15:52 -Do you wanna-- -Do you fancy-- No.
1453 01:15:54 You-- You go.
1454 01:15:58 I was just gonna say, do you wanna--
1455 01:16:10 Go ahead.
1456 01:16:13 I was just gonna say…
1457 01:16:16 Do you wanna go for a stroll?
1458 01:16:19 Yeah.
1459 01:16:20 But you do have to make the last train though, right?
1460 01:16:27 Nah.
1461 01:16:29 I'ma see what happens.
1462 01:16:49 - Oh. Oh.
1463 01:17:04 Aight, boom.
1464 01:17:16 ♪ We could ♪
1465 01:17:18 ♪ We could keep it simple ♪
1466 01:17:23 ♪ Towering over us Like a Rothko ♪
1467 01:17:30 ♪ It doesn't have to be ♪
1468 01:17:33 ♪ Complicated ♪
1469 01:17:35 ♪ Educated ♪
1470 01:17:37 ♪ I know you like to travel ♪
1471 01:17:41 ♪ We already got our passports In the bag ♪
1472 01:17:45 ♪ We don't have to go Anywhere ♪
1473 01:17:48 ♪ Let our love unravel ♪
1474 01:17:52 ♪ Could you be The best I've ever had? ♪
1475 01:17:55 ♪ Seems like You've always been there ♪
1476 01:17:59 ♪ Treat you like a queen You won't forget ♪
1477 01:18:04 ♪ Spend some time, love You won't regret ♪
1478 01:18:08 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1479 01:18:14 ♪ Oh, open up to me And I'll give it all to you ♪
1480 01:18:21 ♪ We could keep it simple ♪
1481 01:18:25 ♪ Playful ♪
1482 01:18:28 ♪ Tumblin' over dust Like dominoes ♪
1483 01:18:35 ♪ It doesn't have to be ♪
1484 01:18:38 ♪ Complicated ♪
1485 01:18:40 ♪ Educated ♪
1486 01:18:42 ♪ I know you like to travel ♪
1487 01:18:46 ♪ We already got our passports In the bag ♪
1488 01:18:50 ♪ But we don't really have to go Anywhere ♪
1489 01:18:53 ♪ Let our love unravel ♪
1490 01:18:57 ♪ Could you be The best I've ever had? ♪
1491 01:19:00 ♪ It seems like You've always been there ♪
1492 01:19:04 ♪ Treat you like you Won't forget ♪
1493 01:19:09 ♪ Spend some time, love No regrets ♪
1494 01:19:14 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1495 01:19:19 ♪ Oh, open up to me And I'll give it all to you ♪
1496 01:19:26 ♪ Treat you like you Won't forget ♪
1497 01:19:31 ♪ Spend some time, love No regrets ♪
1498 01:19:35 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1499 01:19:41 ♪ Oh, open up to me And I'll give it all to you ♪
1500 01:20:05 ♪ And I'll give it all to you ♪
1501 01:20:08 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1502 01:20:14 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1503 01:20:20 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1504 01:20:31 -♪ Open up ♪ -♪ Open up, oh, open ♪
1505 01:20:41 ♪ Treat you like you Won't forget ♪
1506 01:20:47 ♪ Spend some time, love No regret ♪
1507 01:20:51 ♪ Oh, open up ♪
1508 01:20:56 ♪ Oh, open up to me And I'll give it all to you ♪
1509 01:21:06 ♪ Oh ♪
1510 01:21:11 ♪ Give it all ♪
1511 01:21:24 ♪ Open up ♪
1512 01:22:04 Oh, shit!
