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1 00:01:00 Today is gonna be the best day ever.
2 00:01:03 How do I know that?
3 00:01:04 Because every day is the best day ever.
4 00:01:07 I love my life.
5 00:01:09 I love sunshine, I love butterflies.
6 00:01:12 But more than anything,
7 00:01:15 I love Doug.
8 00:01:17 Hey!
9 00:01:19 Shut the fuck up!
10 00:01:21 Fucking piece of shit.
11 00:01:22 That's Doug.Also known as the best owner in the world.
12 00:01:28 I still rememberthe first day we met.
13 00:01:31 She was too flirting with you.
14 00:01:34 Hey, babies!
15 00:01:37 The second Doug laid eyes on me,we knew we were meant to be together.
16 00:01:41 Fuck.
17 00:01:43 Ever since that day,he and I have been inseparable.
18 00:01:47 Why is Doug so great?
19 00:01:49 -Where do I begin?-Get down.
20 00:01:51 He loves being around meso much, he doesn't even have a job.
21 00:01:56 Also, Doug doesn't get me boring dog toys.
22 00:01:59 He lets me come up with my own toys.
23 00:02:01 Hi, Reggie. What you got?
24 00:02:02 Like this stretchy thing.
25 00:02:04 -What the fuck!-Uh…
26 00:02:07 Those aren't mine.
27 00:02:08 There's a simple explanation.
28 00:02:09 This was supposed to bea Christmas present.
29 00:02:11 Doug, it's July.
30 00:02:13 Sometimes I worry if I'm doinga good job making Doug happy.
31 00:02:16 -You don't get it.-I'm done. Reggie.
32 00:02:18 But then I realizedI do make Doug happy.
33 00:02:20 What are you doing?You don't even like the dog.
34 00:02:22 I love this dog.
35 00:02:24 And that makes me happy.
36 00:02:26 All that matters is that you like him.
37 00:02:29 And I like thatyou don't get to have him.
38 00:02:31 You are a total fucking loser.
39 00:02:34 Yeah, a loser with a dog.
40 00:02:36 Honestly,the only thing in the world
41 00:02:39 that Doug maybe loves more than me
42 00:02:41 is his favorite toy: his penis.
43 00:02:44 He gives it haircuts,he watches TV with it…
44 00:02:48 - Flip it around!-Stop staring. You're ruining it.
45 00:02:51 And the way he pets that thing,sometimes I wish I was a penis.
46 00:02:55 But every time I try to play with it,he gets so possessive.
47 00:02:59 Get off! Get-- Bad dog!
48 00:03:00 The key to any good relationshipis having things in common.
49 00:03:03 We both like barking…
50 00:03:08 We both love a good scratch.
51 00:03:14 And we can stay up all night,just talking for hours.
52 00:03:20 You fucked up my life, didn't you?
53 00:03:23 Even though I don't understandwhat he's saying…
54 00:03:25 She never would have found outif it wasn't for your dumb ass.
55 00:03:28 …I can tell he loves me.
56 00:03:33 And while I don't knowthat many human beings,
57 00:03:36 I think it's safe to assumehe's one of the best.
58 00:03:38 Oh, goddamn.
59 00:03:40 It's bullshit, Mom.
60 00:03:42 They're kicking me out 'causeyour last check wasn't enough for rent.
61 00:03:45 You might say Doug is messy,but lately…
62 00:03:47 No, I'm not gonnamove back home.
63 00:03:49 …he's been much betterat putting his toys away.
64 00:03:52 No, I'm sorry. Look.
65 00:03:53 It's just you know thatI can't live that close to a school.
66 00:03:58 No!
67 00:04:03 Bad dog! That's my favoritefucking bong, dude!
68 00:04:13 Oh. You like that ball, don't you?
69 00:04:17 Lately, Doug has been playinga brand-new game with me
70 00:04:21 called "Fetch and Fuck"!
71 00:04:22 Fetch.
72 00:04:23 Basically, Doug drops me offreally far away…
73 00:04:27 Sayonara, ke-mo sah-bee.
74 00:04:29 …throws the ball,and drives home without me.
75 00:04:32 Then it's my turn to get the balland find my way back home!
76 00:04:36 -When I bring the ball back, he says---Fuck.
77 00:04:39 And that's how I know I won the game!
78 00:04:42 Fetch!
79 00:04:44 We've been playing it a lot lately.
80 00:04:46 - Fuck!- Sometimes we play it
81 00:04:48 three or four times in the same day.
82 00:04:50 Fetch!
83 00:04:52 Fuck!
84 00:04:53 Fetch! Fuck!
85 00:04:55 Fuck!
86 00:04:56 Fuck!
87 00:05:01 Holy fuck!
88 00:05:02 "Holy fuck" is right!I win again!
89 00:05:05 That's it.
90 00:05:08 This ends now.
91 00:05:12 ♪ You only got a couple miles to go ♪
92 00:05:14 ♪ If you're trying to drive me insane… ♪
93 00:05:16 These road trips are the best!
94 00:05:19 Because you get to seethe exciting world outside our town.
95 00:05:25 Keep driving, Doug!
96 00:05:28 Don't make it too easy on me.
97 00:05:30 I love a challenge.
98 00:05:32 ♪ 'Cause I hide from everyone ♪
99 00:05:36 ♪ Shine on me ♪
100 00:05:40 ♪ Shine on me ♪
101 00:05:43 ♪ Shine on me ♪
102 00:05:46 ♪ Shine on me ♪
103 00:05:51 This round's gonna bethe hardest one yet,
104 00:05:54 because we went way furtherthan we've ever gone before.
105 00:05:58 In fact, I have no idea where we are.
106 00:06:01 And that's exciting!
107 00:06:07 I know the world seems likea scary place sometimes,
108 00:06:10 but I don't worry.
109 00:06:11 Good luck fetching this.
110 00:06:12 Because I'm always safe at Doug's side.
111 00:07:00 Sure, Doug reallychallenges me with this game,
112 00:07:04 but that's just because he believes in me.
113 00:07:08 You know what they say:The best relationships are the hard ones.
114 00:07:14 You have to put in the work.
115 00:07:17 You gotta have courage.
116 00:07:20 And you always need to rememberthat real love…
117 00:07:24 is never easy.
118 00:07:49 But even though I love this game,
119 00:07:52 I kinda want it to be over.
120 00:07:55 Because, well,I really just wanna be home.
121 00:08:12 Okay, time to get moving.
122 00:08:15 Going back to Doug's.
123 00:08:22 This is a nice neighborhood.
124 00:08:25 I like all the trash.
125 00:08:27 And the needles. So many needles.
126 00:08:32 Hey, honey, you ever been withan Afghan before?
127 00:08:36 Uh, no,I don't think so, but thank you.
128 00:08:42 Well, well, well.What do we have here?
129 00:08:45 You lost?
130 00:08:47 Hi, there, big dogs. Yes, I am lost.
131 00:08:50 I'm trying to get to Doug's place.
132 00:08:52 Do-- Do you know which waythat is from here?
133 00:08:55 -Hmm… You say Doug's place?-I did, yeah.
134 00:08:57 -Oh, yeah, I know which way that is.-Oh, great.
135 00:09:00 Right up my fucking ass,you little shit.
136 00:09:02 Oh… No, that can't be right.
137 00:09:04 Okay.Well, I'll just be on my way.
138 00:09:07 Uh, can I please have my ball back?
139 00:09:09 Your ball? You'll be luckyif I let you leave with your life.
140 00:09:12 Hey! Who in the fuck is makingall that noise in my fucking alley?
141 00:09:16 Who's this guy?
142 00:09:17 Oh, you don't want me to come aroundthis fucking corner now, do you?
143 00:09:21 Shit's gonna get crackin'. Trust me!
144 00:09:23 You wanna dance, motherfuckers, huh?
145 00:09:24 You wanna dance? Let's do this.
146 00:09:28 What's up, bitches? Huh?
147 00:09:30 Oh, he's tiny.
148 00:09:32 The shadow.I thought he was fucking big.
149 00:09:34 Yeah, we can destroy this guy, right?
150 00:09:36 Yeah, go ahead, bite me,you raggedy motherfuckers.
151 00:09:39 I dare you!
152 00:09:40 You know how many diseases is up in me?
153 00:09:42 Rabies, scabies,
154 00:09:44 whatever disease you can getfrom tongue-fucking a dead squirrel,
155 00:09:47 which I did last night,'cause I'm crazy, man!
156 00:09:51 That's a 37-inch vertical.
157 00:09:53 I'ma tell you right now,you run up on me,
158 00:09:55 and I'll stick this paw right up your assand in his. Like a shish kebab.
159 00:09:59 Whoa. This guy seems nuts.
160 00:10:00 Look at the wayhe's barking at his own ass.
161 00:10:01 I'll do it! I'll do it!I'll bite my own ass off!
162 00:10:05 Oh, man.The fuck is wrong with this guy?
163 00:10:07 I'm so crazy I'll fuck the trash!
164 00:10:09 You like it, don't you?You like it.
165 00:10:11 You wanna get recycled?
166 00:10:13 Anybody got a twisty tie?'Cause I'm fucking this bag up.
167 00:10:16 Okay, who's next?
168 00:10:17 He's freaking me out. Let's bounce.
169 00:10:18 I'll fight youor fuck you. Dealer's choice.
170 00:10:21 But either way,you're getting worms!
171 00:10:23 Large breeds, man.
172 00:10:26 These motherfuckers, man, alwaysfalling for that crazy little dog trick.
173 00:10:30 Hey, you with me, kid?
174 00:10:31 'Cause this block ain't for dogs like you.We should get the hell outta here.
175 00:10:34 But my tennis ball…
176 00:10:35 Ah, fuck it.We'll get you another one.
177 00:10:42 I'm Bug, by the way.You got a name?
178 00:10:44 Oh. Right, sorry.It's good to meet you, Bug.
179 00:10:47 -My name is Shitbag.-What?
180 00:10:49 Oh, it's short for "Dumbass Shitbag."
181 00:10:52 But sometimes,Doug pronounces it "Fucknugget."
182 00:10:54 Uh, none of thosesound like names.
183 00:10:57 Oh. Well, Doug's lady friendused to call me "Reggie."
184 00:11:01 Reggie. There you go.Yeah, we're gonna go with that.
185 00:11:04 Let's keep moving.
186 00:11:05 So, how long you beena stray for, Reggie?
187 00:11:07 Oh, I… No, I'm not a stray.
188 00:11:09 -Oh, you're not?-I-I'm just out here temporarily.
189 00:11:12 -Oh.-I actually have an owner.
190 00:11:13 We're playing this gamewhere he drops me off far away…
191 00:11:16 -Mm-hmm. Right.-…throws a ball,
192 00:11:17 and then it's my turnto bring the ball back home.
193 00:11:25 - Holy shit!- Yeah.
194 00:11:27 That's, uh… I-I-I'm sorry, man,but that's incredibly tragic
195 00:11:32 and the funniest fucking thingI've heard in a long fucking time.
196 00:11:35 Glad you're having a good laugh.
197 00:11:37 Take it from me, kid.
198 00:11:38 That owner of yours,he's not playing any game with you.
199 00:11:41 -He left your ass, okay?-Huh?
200 00:11:43 You are officially a stray.
201 00:11:46 Don't call me that.
202 00:11:47 It's nothing to be ashamed of.
203 00:11:49 I'm a stray and I'm havingthe time of my life.
204 00:11:52 You'll learn. How old are you?
205 00:11:53 I'm two.
206 00:11:55 Well, I'm three, and I have seen it all.Paw to God.
207 00:11:58 I once saw a dogthat was half Labrador and half poodle.
208 00:12:02 -A-A Labradoodle!-No. No, no, no.
209 00:12:04 A Poo-dor.
210 00:12:05 -A Poo-dor?-The other way around.
211 00:12:07 -Even fucking weirder.-Yeah.
212 00:12:09 Point is, life out here on your owncan be fucking awesome,
213 00:12:13 as long as you go by the rules.
214 00:12:14 W-Well, what rules?
215 00:12:17 Rule number one:You want something, you pee on it.
216 00:12:20 Whatever you pee on, it's yours.
217 00:12:22 Let's try it out.
218 00:12:23 -You see that lamppost over there?-Yeah.
219 00:12:25 I want you to go over thereand pee on that.
220 00:12:27 And you're sure this is okay?
221 00:12:28 Go ahead.Ain't nobody givin' a fuck.
222 00:12:30 You're a fucking stray now.That's my point.
223 00:12:32 Well, I'm not a stray, but, yeah, okay.
224 00:12:36 Congratulations. You now own a lamppost.
225 00:12:41 Oh, wow.
226 00:12:42 Now, let's talk rule number two.
227 00:12:44 You can pretty much fuckwhatever you want.
228 00:12:46 Have you ever humped anything before?
229 00:12:48 Well, I wouldn't say I've humped per se,
230 00:12:50 but I do like to dance on Doug's leg.
231 00:12:52 Dude, that wasn't dancing.
232 00:12:54 Baby, you was humping.The devil's dance.
233 00:12:57 But now, the world is like a buffetfor your tiny dog dick.
234 00:13:01 -Really?-You know what?
235 00:13:03 I recently fucked this couch.
236 00:13:04 -No.-Mm-hmm.
237 00:13:06 -Best sex of my life.-Wow. Really?
238 00:13:08 Yeah, a-a-and she dirty, too.
239 00:13:10 Oh, well, I-I can tell.
240 00:13:12 Looks like she hasn't been washedin years.
241 00:13:14 I'll see you later, baby.
242 00:13:19 It was nice to meet you.
243 00:13:22 Now, rule number three.
244 00:13:24 And this is the most important, bar none.
245 00:13:28 You are on your own.
246 00:13:31 -That's awful.-That's not a bad thing, all right?
247 00:13:34 Right now, you're freaking out
248 00:13:35 'cause you feel like, you know,y-y-you need this Doug guy.
249 00:13:38 -I do!-But no, no, trust me, you don't.
250 00:13:41 Humans trick us into thinkingthat we need 'em.
251 00:13:44 But they're just brainwashing us, man.
252 00:13:46 Point is, you ain't gottadeal with that shit no more, okay?
253 00:13:49 You a stray.
254 00:13:51 -You can do anything you want now.-I don't know.
255 00:13:53 Come on, repeat after me."I can do anything."
256 00:13:57 I can do… anything?
257 00:14:00 Damn fucking right you can.
258 00:14:01 Now, you wanna see how fucked-uphumans can be? Come on.
259 00:14:07 Look at these motherfuckers here.
260 00:14:11 A bunch of pet dogs,
261 00:14:12 losing their mindsover their 15 minutes of freedom.
262 00:14:15 God, if only our wolf ancestorscould see these pussies.
263 00:14:20 Follow me.
264 00:14:21 Now, why are these humansso desperate to keep us?
265 00:14:24 -Because they love us?-No, no, I got a theory.
266 00:14:26 -They need us for our poop.-Huh?
267 00:14:29 Watch that lady. Watch her.
268 00:14:30 - See? See?- Uh-huh.
269 00:14:32 It's like they're collecting itfor something.
270 00:14:34 What do you think they do with it?
271 00:14:35 I think they're using itto make chocolate.
272 00:14:37 -Oh.-Have you ever had a piece of chocolate?
273 00:14:39 -No.-Exactly.
274 00:14:40 Come on.I'm gonna introduce you to my homies.
275 00:14:42 I thought you saidthese dogs were all losers.
276 00:14:44 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say a lot of shit.
277 00:14:46 -Hey, losers.-Hey, Bug.
278 00:14:47 Ugh. If it isn't the tiny dogwho caught the car.
279 00:14:50 -I did catch that car.-No, everyone knows that's impossible.
280 00:14:52 -Yeah, it was parked.-Yeah, it parked after I caught it.
281 00:14:55 -No, there was no one in the car.-No one in the car.
282 00:14:57 Listen, I don't even have to keepthis conversation going.
283 00:14:59 What I was trying to do, losers,
284 00:15:02 was introduce youto my new friend, Reggie.
285 00:15:04 He just got dumped.
286 00:15:05 Aw, sorry, mate.Welcome to the club.
287 00:15:07 I'm sorry. Was it at least mutual?
288 00:15:09 -No, it's actually just a game.-Reg, I want you to meet Hunter.
289 00:15:12 He's a therapy dog who works ina home for dying humans.
290 00:15:15 Which sounds like an okay gig,
291 00:15:17 except that he was trainedto be a police dog.
292 00:15:19 You almost made it to the police squad?
293 00:15:21 That's awesome.
294 00:15:23 Oh.Yeah, I… I guess it's awesome.
295 00:15:25 Get the fuck out of my way, cone boy.
296 00:15:27 Oh. Sorry about that, Bubsy.
297 00:15:28 Hunter, say something back, mate.
298 00:15:31 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
299 00:15:32 Um… Hey, Bubsy.
300 00:15:33 You got any fucking…weekend plans?
301 00:15:36 - What? Still sounds friendly.- You got him.
302 00:15:38 -Yeah, raw-doggin' your mom.-Ah. Right.
303 00:15:40 Well, I'm pretty sure she's dead,but good luck anyway.
304 00:15:44 Pussy!
305 00:15:44 Love those observations, Bubs.Take care.
306 00:15:47 Hunter, get your weight up.
307 00:15:48 Don't let him talk to you like that.
308 00:15:49 -You're the biggest dog here!-You should eat his freakin' face off,
309 00:15:52 shit it out and then eat it again.
310 00:15:53 Bug, you know I don't love confrontation.
311 00:15:55 Yeah, don't let the big dick fool you.He's just a gigantic pussy.
312 00:15:58 Whoa. It is a great penis.
313 00:16:01 Oh, thanks.You know, I try to keep it clean.
314 00:16:03 Do my best to lick it as much as possible.
315 00:16:05 Yeah, the only thingthicker than Hunter's dick
316 00:16:07 is the sexual tensionbetween these two.
317 00:16:09 - Oh, come on.- Bug, no. What?
318 00:16:11 -That's funny, though.-Yeah, right. Imagine.
319 00:16:13 "Thicker than Hunter's dick."
320 00:16:15 - But, no. No.- No.
321 00:16:16 Now, Maggie, on the other hand,is one bad bitch.
322 00:16:20 But sadly, her owner, Jenna,
323 00:16:22 thinks the badder bitch is the puppythat replaced her.
324 00:16:24 So Bella looked at me,like, "I want a cupcake too,"
325 00:16:27 so I was, like,"I'm gonna get her a cupcake."
326 00:16:28 -I am so here for that.-Right?
327 00:16:31 So, Jenna said, "sit," which I did.
328 00:16:34 But then I thought,
329 00:16:36 wouldn't it be cuteif I acted all confused
330 00:16:38 - and tilted my head, like, "Huh?"- Oh, my God, stop.
331 00:16:40 Man, sure gotta suckto compete with that.
332 00:16:42 No, it's fine.
333 00:16:43 Bella's young and cute and fun,
334 00:16:45 so of course Jenna loves her morethan me right now, and I get that.
335 00:16:48 Cool. Anyways, I was thinking,if you guys are free later--
336 00:16:50 But what I really don't get iswhy Jenna thinks it's so adorable
337 00:16:53 when she spins around in circles.I could do that in my sleep.
338 00:16:56 -You know what, it's totally fine.-Mmm. Okay.
339 00:16:58 You know what? It doesn't get to meso much anymore. I'm fine.
340 00:17:00 I'm not jealous or worriedor angry or depressed
341 00:17:02 or confused or fumingor unhinged at all.
342 00:17:05 Yeah, you seem totally fine.
343 00:17:06 And now that Jenna's spendingso much time with Bella,
344 00:17:08 it's given me a chanceto do a little self-care.
345 00:17:10 I've been going into the digging.
346 00:17:11 I like the feeling of the soilunder my nails.
347 00:17:13 I'm out in the fresh air again.I'm just connecting to the land.
348 00:17:16 No, I'm learning I love digging.I love digging! I love it! I love to dig!
349 00:17:22 What's happening?
350 00:17:23 See, Reg?Aren't you happy to be a stray now
351 00:17:26 and not have to dealwith all that owner bullshit?
352 00:17:28 Well, no. As I said, I'm not a stray.
353 00:17:30 Doug and I are just playing a game.
354 00:17:33 Look, why don't you come outwith us tonight?
355 00:17:34 And you can learn how beautifulit can be when you're off the leash.
356 00:17:38 If I can't convince youthat being stray is great,
357 00:17:42 - scraps night will.- Sure will.
358 00:17:44 Well, thank you, but I reallyshould be getting back to Doug.
359 00:17:47 What? Why?
360 00:17:48 So I can make him happy.Isn't that a dog's purpose?
361 00:17:51 -Don't you ever say that again!-Here we go.
362 00:17:54 Reggie, your purpose is not to makesome stupid human families happy.
363 00:17:59 It's not to make some single loserfeel more complete.
364 00:18:03 Your purpose is to do
365 00:18:05 -whatever the fuck you want.-Whatever the fuck you want.
366 00:18:07 And when you are a stray,
367 00:18:09 - there's a lot to fucking do.- …a lot to fucking do.
368 00:18:11 Why do I feel likethere's an echo in here?
369 00:18:13 - You've said this a million times.- I know.
370 00:18:15 I love that spiel.
371 00:18:16 Write your own fucking speeches,okay?
372 00:18:18 It's fine. Okay.
373 00:18:19 Now, what do you say, guys?Another scraps night?
374 00:18:21 Yes!
375 00:18:23 All right, meet at the pizza placeat sundown,
376 00:18:25 and we gonna fuck shit up.
377 00:18:34 So what is scraps night?
378 00:18:36 It's that one magnificent nightof the week
379 00:18:38 where humans are a lot more willingto give us food
380 00:18:41 or drop it accidentally or both.
381 00:18:43 That stuff that they're dropping is gold.
382 00:18:46 I just feel likewe're gonna get in trouble.
383 00:18:47 No, we're cleaning up.These fuckers love it when we clean up.
384 00:18:50 Wait for it.
385 00:18:53 Wait for it.
386 00:18:54 Drop the fucking pizza, bitch.
387 00:18:56 - Go!- That's the one. Let's do this!
388 00:18:59 ♪ I-I-I-I'm with all my dogs ♪
389 00:19:01 ♪ Finna fuck the city up ♪
390 00:19:03 ♪ Keep a pocket fullGot these bitches wanna hit me up ♪
391 00:19:06 ♪ Drinking by the pool ♪
392 00:19:07 ♪ Doing drugs, is you lit or what? ♪
393 00:19:09 ♪ Making hella noise… ♪
394 00:19:10 This water is making me dizzy.
395 00:19:12 It's about to get real dizzyup in this bitch.
396 00:19:15 - I don't mind feeling dizzy. I like it.- Pace yourself, Reg.
397 00:19:28 Chester, for the last time,
398 00:19:31 there's no fucking fence there.
399 00:19:32 -Just come out with us!-I can't.
400 00:19:34 I'm telling you,there is a magical fence there.
401 00:19:37 You just can't see it!
402 00:19:39 -Come on, Chester!-Come on!
403 00:19:40 Chester! Chester!
404 00:19:42 Honestly, that is persuasive,and I don't know why.
405 00:19:47 I can't believe I'm doing this.
406 00:19:50 Stop being a pussy and do this!
407 00:19:51 Okay!
408 00:19:52 Whoo! Run!
409 00:19:54 - Chester! Chester!- You can do it!
410 00:19:56 You got it, Chester. You got it!
411 00:20:00 Whoo!
412 00:20:01 Goddamn!
413 00:20:03 It's real! The magic fence is real!
414 00:20:05 ♪ Big dog status, big dog baggage ♪
415 00:20:08 ♪ Big dog, fuck itI got big dog habits ♪
416 00:20:11 ♪ See, I'm going hard in the paintDoing damage ♪
417 00:20:14 ♪ Big dog tell me do itLook like I'm average… ♪
418 00:20:18 Oh, yeah. You gonna get it.
419 00:20:20 Somebody been naughty. You a naughty--
420 00:20:22 You a little naughty owl.
421 00:20:24 You're right, Bug. I like this humping.
422 00:20:28 Bug, can I try your owl?
423 00:20:30 I told you scraps nightwas gonna be off the chain, baby.
424 00:20:32 I'm having a great time.
425 00:20:34 Ain't this about a bitch.
426 00:20:35 Look at this motherfucker right here.
427 00:20:36 What you want, huh, homie?
428 00:20:38 -I'll rip your motherfucking nuts off.-Come on, let's go.
429 00:20:40 -Pointy-eared motherfucker.-Come on, it's not worth it.
430 00:20:43 - There you go, Reg.- I'm doing good?
431 00:20:44 Give it to that gnome, Reg.
432 00:20:46 Tell that gnome you're his daddy.
433 00:20:48 Hey, gnome. I'm your father.
434 00:20:50 - It's good to finally meet you.- Reggie.
435 00:20:52 Even underthese strange circumstances.
436 00:20:54 No, Reggie.
437 00:20:55 Oh, you can't get me!
438 00:20:56 Aha, ah-- I'm too fast for you.I'm too fast for you.
439 00:20:59 -This motherfucker is keeping up.-Come on, let's go.
440 00:21:01 With your little bitch-ass friendwith a home perm and shit.
441 00:21:03 -What did you say?-There you go, Reg.
442 00:21:05 -Don't you look at me like that.-Get up in his ass.
443 00:21:07 I would hate for this to get violent.
444 00:21:09 I didn't know I had a son.
445 00:21:10 - And he's a gnome of all things.- Reggie!
446 00:21:12 -Fuck, shut up!-Anyone want to hump my son?
447 00:21:14 Man, come on. It's too much.
448 00:21:15 He's handsomely dressedin a smart tunic.
449 00:21:16 Yo, Chester. You got balls, baby.
450 00:21:19 That magic fence was legit.
451 00:21:21 I kept telling you!
452 00:21:22 What a weird thing a magic fence would beto make up.
453 00:21:25 I can do anything.
454 00:21:26 - Reggie, don't.- Wait, what's going on?
455 00:21:29 - No. Don't do it!- Reggie, no.
456 00:21:30 I can do anything.
457 00:21:32 Do not test the dark arts, kid.
458 00:21:46 ♪ Get wild ♪
459 00:21:47 -Oh, shoot!-That was fucking amazing!
460 00:21:50 -Incredible!-Holy shit!
461 00:21:51 -Yeah!-Impossible. That's impossible!
462 00:21:53 - Reggie!- I did it! I did it!
463 00:21:55 Oh, what a night.
464 00:21:58 Yeah.
465 00:21:59 Reg, I could tell the momentI sniffed your anus, you're a great guy.
466 00:22:04 -You're a legend.-Yeah, baby, I told you.
467 00:22:07 Stray's life is the best life!
468 00:22:09 Yeah, you gotta admit,it's fun to be off-leash for a bit, right?
469 00:22:12 - Right?- Yeah, it is kinda awesome
470 00:22:14 not having to hold my pee for ten hoursuntil Doug lets me outside.
471 00:22:19 And I like the sound of "legend"a lot more than "shitbag."
472 00:22:21 Guys, I'm still peeing.
473 00:22:23 Wait, is that reallywhat he called you?
474 00:22:25 I really don't miss roasting in the carwhen he stops at a store,
475 00:22:28 and he leaves me with the windows crackedbarely enough for me to stay conscious.
476 00:22:32 - Wait, what?- And I'm just panting, gasping for air
477 00:22:35 and trying to surviveuntil he comes back in 45 minutes.
478 00:22:40 Classic Doug. Too funny.
479 00:22:43 So, this guy neglects you,throws you on the street,
480 00:22:47 and you still think he's a good guy?
481 00:22:50 Yeah. I mean,if Doug doesn't like me,
482 00:22:52 why does he let me eathis leftover human food?
483 00:22:55 So he doesn't have to buy dog food.
484 00:22:57 And why didn't he puta collar and tags on you?
485 00:22:59 Because he doesn't believe in labels.
486 00:23:02 Ah, come on, Reg.
487 00:23:03 And the bandana he gave meis way more special than a collar,
488 00:23:06 'cause he used it for his penis sneezes.
489 00:23:10 Doug loves me.
490 00:23:11 We have a good relationship.
491 00:23:13 You just don't understand the situation,
492 00:23:15 because if Doug's such a bad guy,
493 00:23:18 and he left me on purpose,and he hurt me on purpose,
494 00:23:23 that would mean…
495 00:23:25 that would mean…
496 00:23:27 Doug doesn't love me.
497 00:23:33 Can you guysjust give me a second?
498 00:23:43 Poor little guy.
499 00:23:45 That is just the classictoxic relationship.
500 00:23:48 I should probably talk to him.I am a therapy dog.
501 00:23:50 Nah, give him some space.
502 00:23:52 Kid's been through a lot.
503 00:23:55 That's whatyou fucking sound like, you piece of shit.
504 00:24:01 Oh, get off! Get-- Bad dog!
505 00:24:02 Bad dog! Bad dog!
506 00:24:04 Worst dog in the fucking world.
507 00:24:16 Hey, Reggie.
508 00:24:17 I know you're feeling hurt right now,and it's--
509 00:24:20 Ugh. It must be so hardto figure out what to do.
510 00:24:22 I'm going back to Doug's.
511 00:24:23 -What?-The fuck, man?
512 00:24:25 What's it gonna take for you to understandthat he's not playing a game with you?
513 00:24:29 And I'm not playing a game with him.
514 00:24:31 Okay.
515 00:24:33 All my life,I felt like I wasn't worth anything
516 00:24:36 unless I heard those words,"Good boy."
517 00:24:40 But they never came.
518 00:24:42 Well, he needs to know he's hurt me.
519 00:24:45 He needs to feel my pain.
520 00:24:47 And he needs to pay for what he didwith the only thing he truly loves!
521 00:24:52 I'm gonna bite his dick off.
522 00:24:54 -Oh.-Wait, did he just say bite?
523 00:24:56 Yeah, I'm still a little drunk,but did I just hear you say that you--
524 00:24:59 I said I'm gonna bite his dick off!
525 00:25:03 Oh, I'm a hundred percent in for this.
526 00:25:05 - No, no.- Bug. Wait.
527 00:25:07 Wait, Reggie, please.
528 00:25:08 I feel you, I really do,but this is insane.
529 00:25:10 Yeah, like, maybe there'sa metaphorical dick you could bite off,
530 00:25:13 like you could pretend my dick is his dickand you could give it a stern talking to.
531 00:25:17 No, his dick. No exceptions.
532 00:25:20 Playing with that thingwas his favorite activity
533 00:25:22 until he started putting things in boxes.
534 00:25:23 - Boxes?- Oh, shit, that means he's moving soon.
535 00:25:25 - Moving?- Oh, man.
536 00:25:27 -What if we're too late?-Calm down.
537 00:25:28 We definitelydon't have much time.
538 00:25:30 Any places, smells, landmarksyou remember on the road to get here?
539 00:25:33 Uh… I just-- I remember passingan enormous hamster wheel.
540 00:25:37 Okay, hamster wheel.
541 00:25:39 A giant cone that looked like Hunter's.
542 00:25:41 Giant cone,looked like Hunter's.
543 00:25:42 And-- And the devil in the sky.
544 00:25:44 And the devil in the sky. Boom!
545 00:25:46 That's basically a road mapright to this guy's custard launcher.
546 00:25:49 Bug, there's no way. It's impossible.
547 00:25:51 No, no, no, not quite.
548 00:25:53 Reggie's got no shotat making it back in time on his own.
549 00:25:56 But if we all go, I got the street smarts,you've got the muscle,
550 00:26:00 and Maggie's got a sense of smell so goodshe can sniff one asshole
551 00:26:03 and tell you what the guy atethree breakfasts ago.
552 00:26:06 - Bunch of nickels.- Exactly.
553 00:26:08 -She's incredible.-Guys, we can do this.
554 00:26:11 -No, there is no way…-I'm in.
555 00:26:13 …I am missing this. Let's do it!
556 00:26:15 Really?
557 00:26:16 -You guys would do this for me?-Hell yeah.
558 00:26:19 - We got your back, Reg.- Yeah!
559 00:26:20 All right, guys. Let's show these humansthey can't toss us aside
560 00:26:23 without facingsome bad fucking consequences.
561 00:26:27 Fellas, lady,
562 00:26:29 let's go get some dick!
563 00:26:33 Howling!
564 00:26:35 Howl!
565 00:26:36 Howling!
566 00:26:38 I'm just not a great howler.
567 00:26:43 ♪ Yeah, word is bond ♪
568 00:26:46 ♪ Das EFX in thisYou know what I'm sayin'? ♪
569 00:26:48 ♪ Straight from the sewerWord is bond, yeah ♪
570 00:26:51 ♪ Check yo' selfbefore you wreck yo' self ♪
571 00:26:53 ♪ 'Cause I'm bad for your healthI come real stealth ♪
572 00:26:55 ♪ Dropping bombs on your momsFuck car alarms ♪
573 00:26:58 ♪ Doing foul crimeI'm that brotha wit' yo' Alpine ♪
574 00:27:00 ♪ Sold it for a six-oAlways let tricks know ♪
575 00:27:03 ♪ And friends know we got the indo ♪
576 00:27:05 ♪ No, I'm not a suckerSitting in a House of Pain ♪
577 00:27:08 ♪ And no, I'm not the butlerI'll cut ya ♪
578 00:27:10 ♪ This ain't no fucking motion picture ♪
579 00:27:12 ♪ A guy or bitch-aI'll get wit' cha and hit ya ♪
580 00:27:15 ♪ Taking that yak to the neckSo you better run a check ♪
581 00:27:19 ♪ So come onand chickity-check yo' self ♪
582 00:27:20 ♪ Before you wreck yo' selfChickity-check yo' self ♪
583 00:27:23 ♪ Before you wreck yo' self, boy ♪
584 00:27:24 ♪ Check yo' selfbefore you wreck yo' self ♪
585 00:27:26 ♪ 'Cause shotgun bulletsAre bad for your health… ♪
586 00:27:29 Howling!
587 00:27:30 Howling!
588 00:27:32 ♪ Check it ♪
589 00:27:36 Why did nobody tell us that dog journeysare so fucking exhausting?
590 00:27:39 -Yeah.-Oh, this is brutal.
591 00:27:41 I was still drunkwhen I agreed to do this.
592 00:27:43 Yeah, I'm hangry.
593 00:27:44 Yeah, I'm starving.
594 00:27:45 I just threw up over there,so there might be something in there
595 00:27:48 if you wanna give it a-- Okay.
596 00:27:50 I bet that's some of the pizzafrom last night.
597 00:27:52 Oh, yeah,lots of good shit in there.
598 00:27:54 Oh, there's those nickels.
599 00:27:55 Guys, we gotta keep moving.You can't miss this thing.
600 00:27:58 It's like a giant hamster wheel,but without the hamster.
601 00:28:01 And it smells like hot dogs.
602 00:28:03 Smells like hot dogs?
603 00:28:04 This is her superpower.
604 00:28:06 She's unbelievable. Look at that nose.
605 00:28:08 - You got something?- Wait a minute.
606 00:28:10 Wait, d-do you smell that?
607 00:28:12 - I just smell plastic.- Oh, yeah.
608 00:28:14 Oh. Yeah, I've got it.
609 00:28:16 She's walking away.Should we follow her?
610 00:28:19 I'm gonna follow her.
611 00:28:21 No, no, no, no, no.
612 00:28:22 A sausage is the one that looks like shit,but it don't taste like shit.
613 00:28:25 Okay, but then what is a hot dog?
614 00:28:26 Guys. Shh. Drop it.
615 00:28:27 -Look. What the fuck is this?-That's it, the giant hamster wheel!
616 00:28:30 - We're on the right track!- All right, guys.
617 00:28:32 We're on a time crunch,
618 00:28:34 but Hunter's gonna dieif we don't get some food in him, okay?
619 00:28:37 -Maggie, you hang with Hunter.-Gotcha.
620 00:28:38 - Good plan.- Reg, you know what time it is?
621 00:28:40 -It's grub time.-It's gr-- Yeah, grub time.
622 00:28:42 -Let's get some grub.-Let's get some grub.
623 00:28:45 - This fucking place is weird.- So weird.
624 00:28:48 I never reallycan understand humans, man.
625 00:28:49 Especially, like, the lighter shade ones.They some strange motherfuckers.
626 00:28:53 I was thinking the same thing.
627 00:28:55 Hey.
628 00:28:59 Um…Your dog messed up my shot.
629 00:29:03 I think he's telling meI should pay for you to take another one.
630 00:29:06 Oh, is that right?
631 00:29:07 Yeah, that's what he was saying.I promise.
632 00:29:11 I wouldn't-- I wouldn't make it up,but he's got good ideas.
633 00:29:14 I could tell Jamesfelt different about this human girl.
634 00:29:18 Maybe it was becauseshe smelled like biscuits.
635 00:29:21 Or maybe it was becausesomething about her was special.
636 00:29:23 Excuse me, do you know wherewe can get some food around here?
637 00:29:28 As I was saying,James thought he was helping this girl.
638 00:29:32 But the truth is, she was helping him.
639 00:29:36 Oh, fuck this bullshit.
640 00:29:37 Wait, what is he doing?
641 00:29:38 I've seen this shit before.He's one of those narrator dogs.
642 00:29:41 Hey! No one's listening to your lamehuman story, you fucking dumbass!
643 00:29:49 Sadly, the little dog was right.
644 00:29:51 No one was listening to my story.
645 00:29:54 Which is too bad,because I'm the only one who knows
646 00:29:57 James is a cold-blooded serial killer.
647 00:30:00 He's got three bodies buriedin the backyard already.
648 00:30:03 But I guess no one's interested.
649 00:30:06 I can't believe that dog.
650 00:30:07 He was so obsessed with his owner,he didn't even acknowledge us.
651 00:30:10 I'm gonna tell ya, kid,the moment they leash you up,
652 00:30:12 snip your balls,is the moment they got you by them.
653 00:30:15 -Hold on. They snip your balls?-Oh, yeah.
654 00:30:18 And I think they're collecting those too,to put in the chocolate.
655 00:30:21 - Get your hot dogs here!- Oh, shit! Look!
656 00:30:23 I got jumbo dogs!
657 00:30:24 Okay, here's the plan.You grab the sausages,
658 00:30:26 and I'll go over thereand fuck the guy's leg as a distraction.
659 00:30:29 And break!
660 00:30:30 I don't think fucking the guy's legis necessary,
661 00:30:34 but I see you've already started.All right.
662 00:30:36 Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
663 00:30:38 - Bunny!- You won!
664 00:30:40 I can't believe I won!
665 00:30:42 Oh, look at that toy bunny.
666 00:30:43 You know, it hasn't even been a day yet,but I really miss toys.
667 00:30:47 Jenna had some good ones.
668 00:30:49 I'd rip that shit apart until I foundthat squeaky toy in the middle.
669 00:30:53 Ugh.I miss squeaky toys too.
670 00:30:54 But of course, I only got to playwith those squeak toys
671 00:30:57 if I was a good girl,
672 00:30:58 and I smiled the right wayfor her stupid freaking selfies.
673 00:31:01 The amount of workthat goes into looking cute.
674 00:31:04 Honestly, I had to go to spin aroundin a perfect circle like this,
675 00:31:07 move into a "I'm so fuckable" posewith my paws crossed.
676 00:31:09 And I'd have to stand up straight,paws up.
677 00:31:12 I have to show all my tits.
678 00:31:14 Yeah. Right, that--yeah, that's pretty fuckable.
679 00:31:16 I mean, uh, that-that--that's-- that's weird.
680 00:31:19 Wait, uh, there they are.
681 00:31:21 You know, Maggie,there's, um…
682 00:31:24 There's so much moreto like about you than just your looks.
683 00:31:27 You think so?
684 00:31:28 Sure. I mean, you are hands downthe best sniffer I've ever met.
685 00:31:34 But you're also smart,and you can jump high,
686 00:31:36 and you know like nine human words.
687 00:31:38 That's insane.
688 00:31:39 I actually know 31.But thank you.
689 00:31:41 Honestly, I'd have to listabout 20 more things
690 00:31:44 before I even got to anything to dowith how beautiful you are.
691 00:31:49 Um… I'm sorry,that was too much.
692 00:31:52 No, that-- that means a lot to me.
693 00:31:56 You know,you're a really good listener.
694 00:31:58 Oh, that's because all the sound funnelsthrough the cone right to my ears.
695 00:32:02 No, I didn't-- Never mind.
696 00:32:04 Wait, wait, what?
697 00:32:05 Have you ever thought about--
698 00:32:07 about taking the cone offfor a little while?
699 00:32:09 Just to-- Just to see?
700 00:32:11 -No.-I bet you'd look really handsome.
701 00:32:15 Really?
702 00:32:17 Yeah.
703 00:32:19 - That's how you do it, Reg, baby.- That was awesome!
704 00:32:22 Oh, wait a minute, okay.What's this vibe?
705 00:32:24 - No.- What? Oh, nothing. Nothing.
706 00:32:26 -What vibe? There is no vibe.-What vibe?
707 00:32:27 Your boner implies that there's a vibe.
708 00:32:30 Oh, you know,that's because our friendship…
709 00:32:33 …got me erect.
710 00:32:35 Yeah, it was a friend boner.
711 00:32:36 Then why don't you get boners for us?
712 00:32:38 I mean, uh……are we not your friends?
713 00:32:41 What? No, no.You guys get me hard all the time.
714 00:32:44 Hunter, that's about the sweetest thingI've ever heard.
715 00:32:47 Speaking of boners,how about some sausages?
716 00:32:49 We took 'em from a human.
717 00:32:51 You stole these from a human?What if someone saw?
718 00:32:54 Relax. Grow back some testicles.
719 00:32:56 Ain't nobody saw.
720 00:33:00 God saw!
721 00:33:01 God sees everything!
722 00:33:03 Run!
723 00:33:05 -We're under attack!- Save yourselves!
724 00:33:07 We gotta find cover!
725 00:33:08 The whole fucking place is gonna blow!
726 00:33:11 -Move! Move!- Oh, God!
727 00:33:14 We're all gonna die!
728 00:33:16 Mama!
729 00:33:17 Wow.
730 00:33:21 Stay low!
731 00:33:22 - They've got us surrounded!- Go, go, go!
732 00:33:25 - They're coming after us!- This way, hurry!
733 00:33:28 It's so loud inside the cone!
734 00:33:32 - Oh, shit!- No!
735 00:33:33 - Oh, no, no!- We gotta get over.
736 00:33:35 Over here. We gotta dig!
737 00:33:37 - We gotta dig!- Dig! Dig faster!
738 00:33:39 Hunter! Maggie! Help us dig!
739 00:33:40 - What? What's going on?- Come on, Maggie! Dig!
740 00:33:43 You said you love digging!
741 00:33:44 I lied! I hate digging!
742 00:33:47 There we go. Okay, let's go!
743 00:33:48 - I hate how the dirt feels under my nails!- Come on, let's go!
744 00:33:51 Wait, wait! Guys! I'm stuck!My bandana's stuck!
745 00:33:55 Ah!
746 00:33:56 -Oh, no!-Reggie!
747 00:33:58 - Reggie, no!- Reggie! Come on, buddy!
748 00:34:00 Maggie, Hunter, help me out.
749 00:34:01 No, no, no. Get out of here.
750 00:34:03 I-It's too late for me.
751 00:34:04 Listen to me! It's not too late.
752 00:34:06 No. Save yourself.
753 00:34:08 And tell DougI wanted to bite his dick off.
754 00:34:11 Bite it for me, if you can.
755 00:34:13 Look at me. You're gonna live.
756 00:34:15 And you're gonna bite that dick yourself.
757 00:34:20 Hunter, the fence!
758 00:34:23 Here, check this out.
759 00:34:24 Come on!
760 00:34:26 Holy shit, they have a bomb!
761 00:34:30 -Come on, Reggie!-Come on! Come on, Reg!
762 00:34:36 - Almost free! I'm almost free!- Come on, Reggie!
763 00:34:39 - Ah!- Come on, let's go!
764 00:34:41 - Move, move!- Come on, guys, let's go!
765 00:34:48 Oh, well. Uh…
766 00:34:51 You guys wanna kiss a little?
767 00:34:54 Oh, my God! Holy shit!
768 00:34:56 Guys, that was crazy!
769 00:34:57 I feel like now I needan emotional support dog.
770 00:34:59 Bug… …you looked likeyou were gonna shit yourself.
771 00:35:02 I did! I literally did that.
772 00:35:05 - Oh, God!- He did. I stepped in it.
773 00:35:07 -Reg, you okay?-It's nothing. It's just--
774 00:35:11 You guys risked your life for me.
775 00:35:13 Bug, you saved me.I never thought anyone would do that.
776 00:35:17 Of course we would.
777 00:35:18 Come on!You're part of the pack, Reggie.
778 00:35:21 - We stick together.- That's right.
779 00:35:22 I've never been part of a pack before.
780 00:35:24 -Well, you are now.-I didn't even know that was a thing.
781 00:35:28 - We'll make it a thing.- Yeah.
782 00:35:30 So, I kind of have a weird idea.
783 00:35:33 Could-- Could we maybe…
784 00:35:36 - …pee on each other?- Say what now?
785 00:35:39 Well, you said that when you peeon something, that it's yours.
786 00:35:43 I just thought that since we're all,like, friends now, we could--
787 00:35:46 Pee on each other,so we belong to each other?
788 00:35:49 Yeah.
789 00:35:50 It was a stupid idea.
790 00:35:52 Jenna would be so madif I came home covered in urine.
791 00:35:57 Let's fucking do it.
792 00:35:58 Oh. We're doing it. Okay.Why don't we do, like, a circle…
793 00:36:00 -Yeah. Let's lift our left leg.-Get to the starboard side.
794 00:36:03 - Yeah, we'll lift our left leg.- There we go. Left leg is good.
795 00:36:05 - Good, I get to pee on Bug.- Left leg is good.
796 00:36:10 - Whoa.- This isn't just warming my body,
797 00:36:12 it's warming my heart.
798 00:36:14 I guess this makes us family now.
799 00:36:16 - Yeah, we're BFFs.- Yeah.
800 00:36:18 Even better, we're Pee-FFs.
801 00:36:21 Pee-FFs! I love it.
802 00:36:23 - Yeah. Love that.- Oh, Bug!
803 00:36:26 You look happy!
804 00:36:28 What are you talking about, I look happy?I'm just smiling
805 00:36:30 because we're all sitting herepissing on each other,
806 00:36:32 so it just-- I cracked a smile.It's not an emotional thing.
807 00:36:34 - You love us!- You love us!
808 00:36:36 - Okay, that's it.- That's right.
809 00:36:37 -You do, Bug.-That's my cue to go to bed.
810 00:36:39 - Come on, Bug.- Look, listen.
811 00:36:40 We got a lot of walking to doand not much time to do it.
812 00:36:43 Let's get some sleep.
813 00:36:45 H-H-Ho-Hold on one second.
814 00:36:50 -Go back the other way.-Better the other way. Let me…
815 00:36:53 Have you tried sniffing the ground?
816 00:36:54 Fucked that one up.
817 00:36:56 You gotta reset yourself.
818 00:36:57 Go back 90 degrees.You were so close.
819 00:36:59 Now sit down.
820 00:37:00 That'll do. That'll do.
821 00:37:01 All right, finally, good.Time for bed.
822 00:37:03 - Let's get some sleep.- Okay.
823 00:37:05 - And quick turn… It's time to go…- Wait, hang on.
824 00:37:07 One turn. Two turns. Three turns.
825 00:37:09 Oh, God. Bug's really fucked with my head.
826 00:37:11 - Turn. There, and that's it.- Five, four,
827 00:37:13 - three, two, one.- Again. Okay. Now I'm ready.
828 00:37:16 There. I did it. Easy.
829 00:37:18 And get down.
830 00:37:21 I'm getting much faster at that.
831 00:37:24 -Good night, everyone.-Good night, Reg.
832 00:37:25 Good night, Reggie.
833 00:37:26 Thanks again for letting me peeon you guys.
834 00:37:28 - Reggie?- Yeah?
835 00:37:29 Could you stop fucking talking?
836 00:37:30 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.- All right.
837 00:37:42 Okay, guys. Big day today.Next up is the giant cone.
838 00:37:45 I don't know what kind of conewe're gonna find out here.
839 00:37:47 It can't be too hard to find.It's gigantic.
840 00:37:50 All I see is trees, but whatever.
841 00:37:52 Hey, mate, have you thoughtabout how you're gonna do it?
842 00:37:55 Uh, sorry, d-do what?
843 00:37:56 -Bite Doug's dick off.-Oh.
844 00:37:58 Were you thinking lengthwiseor tip-to-shaft?
845 00:38:00 Gosh, I don't know.
846 00:38:02 You know, I've never bitten offa dick before.
847 00:38:04 I guess I'll let it just come to mein the moment.
848 00:38:06 So, at what point of this trip
849 00:38:08 are you gonna build up a little BDEand make a move, huh?
850 00:38:11 -With Maggie?-Yes, Maggie--
851 00:38:12 No, with this mossy stump.What the fuck you think I'm talking about?
852 00:38:15 No way.She wouldn't go for me.
853 00:38:17 I mean, maybe a door opens updown the road,
854 00:38:19 but for now, we're just friends.
855 00:38:20 What are you talking about,opening up doors?
856 00:38:22 We don't have thumbs.You gotta knock the fucking door down.
857 00:38:25 Yeah, but who would want to datea failed police dog
858 00:38:28 who wears a cone 24/7?
859 00:38:30 Aw, come on, dude.Girls date losers all the time.
860 00:38:34 You know, Reggie,that you don't have to do it, right?
861 00:38:38 What are you talking about?Of course I do.
862 00:38:40 I'm gonna get all over that dick.Chomp, chomp, chomp. Mmm.
863 00:38:43 Yeah, but you could just, you know,move on from Doug,
864 00:38:46 and then you wouldn't have todo anything to him at all.
865 00:38:48 You could always just let it go.
866 00:38:50 I-I'm not--
867 00:38:51 No. Not just gonna let it go.
868 00:38:54 All right, look, you failed doggy school'cause you was a wuss,
869 00:38:57 but there's nothing we can doabout your past.
870 00:38:59 We might, however, be ableto get that thing off your head.
871 00:39:02 This? No. No, you can't.
872 00:39:04 Sure we can.If we all pull together, we can--
873 00:39:06 No, I mean, I need it.
874 00:39:09 I keep it on intentionally.
875 00:39:11 Wait, really?
876 00:39:12 I assumed it was, like, you know,a medical thing.
877 00:39:14 Oh, it is.
878 00:39:15 I'll do anything to keep it on,
879 00:39:17 and most self-inflicted injurieswill do the trick.
880 00:39:19 You know, cat scratches,ear infection from the toilet,
881 00:39:22 lick my testicles for hours and hoursuntil the humans get concerned.
882 00:39:26 But it's worth it.I get anxious sometimes,
883 00:39:29 and the cone helps meblock things out.
884 00:39:32 What are you guys talking about?
885 00:39:34 Oh, uh, nothing.You know, same old, same old.
886 00:39:36 I'm telling him he's got toget that big dick energy.
887 00:39:39 -Bug!-Well, you've got the first part down.
888 00:39:41 Thanks for complimenting my penis, Maggie.
889 00:39:44 You know, your vagina's huge too.
890 00:39:46 -Seriously?-Shit. Why did I say that?
891 00:39:51 - Reg, let me ask you something.- Yeah?
892 00:39:53 How sure are youthat the big cone is this way?
893 00:39:55 I don't know.
894 00:39:56 On a scale of "sure" to "not sure,"I'm pretty sure…
895 00:40:02 that I'm not really sure.That, I'm sure of.
896 00:40:04 Holy shit! We're lost.
897 00:40:06 - Great.- I knew this would happen.
898 00:40:07 Calm down, Bug. We'll figure it out.This could be a lot worse.
899 00:40:10 Oh, really, Hunter?
900 00:40:11 I'm starving,we're completely fucking lost,
901 00:40:13 and my little puppy paw padsare really hurting right now.
902 00:40:16 - Aw.- So how exactly could this get worse?
903 00:40:19 Huh? How could it? Tell me. Huh?
904 00:40:21 How could it get worse?
905 00:40:24 Bug!
906 00:40:26 - Why did I say it could get a lot worse?- Oh, shit!
907 00:40:28 Please, please, don't drop me!Don't eat me! None of that!
908 00:40:30 - That eagle has some good timing.- Bug! Hold on, buddy!
909 00:40:33 Reg! Reggie! Guys, help me!
910 00:40:34 Ask him if he wouldn't mindbringing you lower!
911 00:40:37 What are you talking about?I don't speak bird.
912 00:40:39 - We're in a real pickle!- Help, help, help.
913 00:40:41 Do something. Somebody do something!
914 00:40:42 Oh! Oh, God!
915 00:40:48 Yes! No!
916 00:40:49 This is fucking crazy,we're going higher!
917 00:40:51 - Hold on, buddy!- Reggie! Bug!
918 00:40:54 Oh, wow,your balls look huge from this angle.
919 00:40:57 Thank you. But holy fuck!
920 00:41:00 That is a golden-cheeked warbler.
921 00:41:05 I've been missing that one.
922 00:41:13 Check.
923 00:41:22 Holy shit.
924 00:41:24 That is the craziest thingI have ever seen.
925 00:41:29 And I'm Dennis Quaid,and Dennis Quaid has seen some shit.
926 00:41:33 -Let me down, bitch!-Bug, look!
927 00:41:35 Over there! The giant cone!
928 00:41:37 -What?- The giant cone!
929 00:41:38 Oh, the cone! Well, shit.
930 00:41:40 That would be great newsif we weren't stuck to this fucking bird!
931 00:41:44 Bug! I got an idea. Hang on!
932 00:41:47 Reg, what are you doing?
933 00:41:50 Oh, God! That's bold!
934 00:41:53 It's too bold!
935 00:41:56 Here we go!
936 00:42:01 -Well, shit-- Ow!-Ah!
937 00:42:07 Reggie! Bug!
938 00:42:09 - Ah! Help! Shit.- Ah! Branch!
939 00:42:11 Smaller branch!
940 00:42:12 Fuck!
941 00:42:16 Shit--
942 00:42:17 Goddamn--
943 00:42:19 Wow, they're hittinga worst-case-scenario amount of branches.
944 00:42:23 - Branch!- Paws! Paws! Paws!
945 00:42:25 - Neck!- Tail!
946 00:42:29 Oh, my God. I am so sorry.
947 00:42:31 I did not mean to barge in like this.
948 00:42:32 What, are you guys wrestling?
949 00:42:34 Shit!
950 00:42:36 Bug!
951 00:42:38 - Reggie!- You're alive!
952 00:42:40 Oh, fuck.Got a stick up my ass.
953 00:42:43 Well, Hunter was right.That could have been worse.
954 00:42:46 Just get the fuck out of the bush.
955 00:42:47 Reggie,you are once again a legend.
956 00:42:50 Guys, that was epic.
957 00:42:51 Fucking leaves. Get off me!
958 00:42:53 Guys! You wouldn't believe it.We saw the giant cone.
959 00:42:55 - What?- Yeah, we did.
960 00:42:57 -Really?-That's amazing.
961 00:42:58 That means we're headingin the right direction.
962 00:43:00 Yeah, and not to be cheesy,
963 00:43:01 but being up in the sky like thatjust moments from my death,
964 00:43:05 I-- I learned something about life.
965 00:43:07 -What's that?-What?
966 00:43:08 Birds don't have genitals.
967 00:43:11 Well, then how do they…
968 00:43:13 I don't know.Maybe they have both parts inside.
969 00:43:17 So if you were to say"go fuck yourself,"
970 00:43:19 they could actually do it.
971 00:43:22 Um, okay, then.
972 00:43:24 So, hey, next up is the devil in the sky.
973 00:43:29 Howling.
974 00:43:31 Come on, guys. We're over halfway there.
975 00:43:33 My howl's getting better.
976 00:43:34 - You guys hear that?- Good on you. I'm so proud.
977 00:43:36 - Hey, man.- Yeah?
978 00:43:37 I really appreciate what you did up there.
979 00:43:39 I mean, no need to pee on each otheror anything like that, but thanks.
980 00:43:43 Of course. We're Pee-FFs.
981 00:43:46 We stick together.
982 00:43:48 All right, all right. Enough.Put your tongue back in your mouth.
983 00:43:55 Okay, okay. Never have I evergone down on a girl dog.
984 00:43:59 Really? Seriously?
985 00:44:00 - You guys lick your balls all day.- No, no.
986 00:44:02 That's different.
987 00:44:03 - How is it different?- It's way different.
988 00:44:05 Bones to biscuits.
989 00:44:06 I can't believe that I'm the only one.
990 00:44:08 What, you went down on a--
991 00:44:09 I was experimenting.Come on, I was in my twos.
992 00:44:12 - Oh.- Yeah, that's the twos.
993 00:44:13 Oh, like a rumspringa.
994 00:44:14 ♪ Living in this big blue world… ♪
995 00:44:17 Okay, I got one.Would you rather eat poop or--
996 00:44:20 - Eat poop.- Eat poop. Definitely eat poop.
997 00:44:23 Okay,but I didn't even get to--
998 00:44:24 It doesn't matter.I like poop.
999 00:44:27 So, question.When dogs have sex from behind…
1000 00:44:29 - Okay, okay…- …what's the style?
1001 00:44:31 - That's just regular style.- Regular style.
1002 00:44:33 Is there another styleor do we only have one?
1003 00:44:35 I only know one style of fucking,and I've been doing it my whole life.
1004 00:44:38 Then what's human style?
1005 00:44:39 In human style,the boy pretends to be the dog
1006 00:44:41 and the girl pretends to be the couch.
1007 00:44:43 - It's very complicated.- Wow, that is complicated.
1008 00:44:46 Every species is different.
1009 00:44:49 ♪ Two, four, six, eightWho do we appreciate… ♪
1010 00:44:52 All right, I've got a joke.Knock, knock.
1011 00:44:55 No.You gotta ask, "Who's there?"
1012 00:44:56 - Okay. Got it, got it.- Knock, knock.
1013 00:45:00 Guys, stop. You won't evenlet me get to the joke part.
1014 00:45:03 Later, Maggie.Somebody's at the door.
1015 00:45:05 Nothing funnyabout a stranger at the door.
1016 00:45:07 Ugh. You guys are fucking morons.
1017 00:45:09 ♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K… ♪
1018 00:45:16 - You guys got anything yet?- No. Man, and I'm starving.
1019 00:45:19 Anything edible over there?Like a buffalo chicken pizza?
1020 00:45:22 No, just squirrel poops.
1021 00:45:23 No, I can't eat no more of that shit.That goes right through me.
1022 00:45:26 Hey, I think I got something.
1023 00:45:29 What do you got?
1024 00:45:34 -What are those?-Kind of looks like food.
1025 00:45:36 I don't know.
1026 00:45:39 - Let me get at it.- Mmm. It's not too bad.
1027 00:45:41 - I'm down to clown.- How many of these should we eat?
1028 00:45:43 - All of them?- Yeah, that makes sense.
1029 00:45:45 These are so good. Mmm.
1030 00:45:47 Ooh, this one's spicy.
1031 00:45:48 Mmm.Kinda nutty, right?
1032 00:45:57 All right.
1033 00:45:59 That should hold us. Solid dinner. Mmm.
1034 00:46:03 All right, let's get moving.
1035 00:46:04 Oh, shit. Gimme a sec.
1036 00:46:07 Whoa. Whoa.
1037 00:46:08 What the fuck?
1038 00:46:19 Hunter, your cone.
1039 00:46:21 Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.I should probably take it off.
1040 00:46:25 No, no. It's growing.
1041 00:46:26 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1042 00:46:30 - Bug.- No.
1043 00:46:32 Bug!
1044 00:46:34 Can't be.
1045 00:46:37 Dolores!
1046 00:46:38 -Hello, Bug.-What you doing out here?
1047 00:46:41 We need to talk.
1048 00:46:42 Wait, Maggie. You look different.
1049 00:46:45 Really?
1050 00:46:46 Oh, shit, you look different too.
1051 00:46:48 -How so?-Um, you're kinda…
1052 00:46:51 Is it my human hands?
1053 00:46:54 - Do you think I could play piano now?- Definitely.
1054 00:47:02 Doug?
1055 00:47:04 Hey, Reggie!
1056 00:47:05 Doug! How's it going?
1057 00:47:08 Not great. Yeah.
1058 00:47:09 Just giving it one last shave,
1059 00:47:11 'cause word on the streetis you're planning to bite it off.
1060 00:47:14 Oh. That was supposed to be a surprise.
1061 00:47:16 Who told you?
1062 00:47:17 Sorry, Daddy.
1063 00:47:19 Oh! My son, the gnome.
1064 00:47:21 -We're done, Bug.-What?
1065 00:47:23 -I'm seeing someone else now.-Who?
1066 00:47:26 You kidding me? Him?
1067 00:47:27 Hey! Go fuck yourself, man!
1068 00:47:32 Dolores, come back!
1069 00:47:34 He yelled to the sky.
1070 00:47:35 But what Bug didn't realize--
1071 00:47:37 -Fuck you, narrator dog!-He said.
1072 00:47:39 Stop saying "he said."
1073 00:47:42 He replied.
1074 00:47:43 I always had such high hopesfor you, Reggie.
1075 00:47:46 I just wanted you to be……a good boy.
1076 00:47:51 All I ever wanted was to be a good boy.
1077 00:47:53 Goodbye, Reggie.
1078 00:47:57 Wait, Doug! Come back!
1079 00:47:59 -Whoa, whoa. What's that smell?-Wait, wh-what?
1080 00:48:02 It's coming from over here.
1081 00:48:04 Hunter, are you seeing this?
1082 00:48:07 - Toys.- Toys!
1083 00:48:08 Guys, get in here! Get over here!
1084 00:48:12 - Reg, pull this one with me.- -It's so squishy!
1085 00:48:15 - Oh, fluffy!- -I can't feel my snout.
1086 00:48:17 Oh! Toys everywhere!
1087 00:48:22 I don't want this day to ever end!
1088 00:48:24 Yeah, me neither!
1089 00:48:40 Morning, guys. Comfy?
1090 00:48:42 Oh, shit.I thought you were Dolores. My bad.
1091 00:48:45 -I gotta go pee.-What's that by your feet, Reggie?
1092 00:48:48 My feet? What are you talking about?
1093 00:48:50 -What is that?-Yeah, what is that?
1094 00:48:51 Oh, my God. That's an ear!
1095 00:48:54 -An ear?-Holy fucking shit!
1096 00:48:56 They were toys.Guys, where are the goddamn toys?
1097 00:48:59 This is not real. This is not real!
1098 00:49:01 This is real!This is real! Oh, my God!
1099 00:49:04 We killed 'em!
1100 00:49:06 I'm gonna barf.
1101 00:49:07 Oh, God,there's fur in the barf!
1102 00:49:09 We're fucking murderers!Oh, my God. Now I'm gonna barf.
1103 00:49:11 Holy fuck! This can't be happening!
1104 00:49:13 Hang in there. Stay with me. I'll fix you.
1105 00:49:16 -Bug, what are you doing?-What does it look like?
1106 00:49:19 I'm getting rid of the evidence.Nobody can know!
1107 00:49:29 Um… We are gathered here todayto say goodbye to the bunnies.
1108 00:49:34 Honestly,what we did was an accident.
1109 00:49:36 -Absolutely.-Right.
1110 00:49:37 And I know that if we weren't confusedfrom the food we ate,
1111 00:49:40 we would have never mauled you,tore all your limbs off
1112 00:49:44 and shook your corpses aroundwhile giggling gleefully by accident.
1113 00:49:48 So bless you, bunnies.
1114 00:49:50 -Yes. Sorry.-Bless you.
1115 00:49:51 -So sorry.-Sorry.
1116 00:49:52 -Amen.-All right, that's it.
1117 00:49:54 Never speak of this again.Not one word, do you hear me?
1118 00:49:57 Not one fucking word.
1119 00:49:58 -Not one word about what?-Oh, shit. The cops.
1120 00:50:01 "Oh, shit's" right, motherfucker.
1121 00:50:02 Wh-Wh-What did we do?We're innocent, I promise.
1122 00:50:04 -Sit!-I am.
1123 00:50:06 On the ground! Lay down!Paws where I can see 'em.
1124 00:50:08 -We're laying down.-Search these bitches.
1125 00:50:10 -They're hiding something.-Oh, God, what do we do?
1126 00:50:12 Calm down. I got this.I'm gonna speak with my white dog voice.
1127 00:50:15 Hello, officer. None of us haveever killed a bunny in our lives.
1128 00:50:19 - Bug!- What? Everybody shut the fuck up.
1129 00:50:22 We're looking for a lost Girl Scout.
1130 00:50:24 Riley Anderson. Age eight in human years.
1131 00:50:26 Wandered away from her campsitetwo days ago.
1132 00:50:28 Thought you dogs mighthave some contact with her.
1133 00:50:30 I've got nothing, sir.
1134 00:50:31 But it smells like you haven't.Let's move out.
1135 00:50:33 Wait, wait. I could help.
1136 00:50:35 I'm sorry, I don't reallywant to be that bitch,
1137 00:50:37 but I'm actually really good at sniffing,
1138 00:50:39 and I'd be happy to assistin finding this lost girl.
1139 00:50:42 Adorable.
1140 00:50:43 Yeah, no, thanks, Australian Shep-turd.
1141 00:50:46 Excuse me, but you really shouldn'ttalk to her like that.
1142 00:50:49 And what the fuckare you gonna do about it?
1143 00:50:51 I-I will do nothing the fuck about it.I am sitting down now.
1144 00:50:54 Oh, Hunter.
1145 00:50:56 -Hunter?-Rolf?
1146 00:50:58 Holy mother-flipping shit!
1147 00:51:01 I didn't recognize you with the cone.
1148 00:51:03 Yeah, yeah. I got a cone now.
1149 00:51:05 Bring it in, bro.
1150 00:51:06 -Buddy!-Give me some!
1151 00:51:07 God. Well, I should've known,
1152 00:51:09 'cause your butthole smellsexactly the same.
1153 00:51:11 I'll never forget this butthole.
1154 00:51:12 -What the fuck?-You know this guy?
1155 00:51:14 You kidding me? This fucker and Iwent to the academy together.
1156 00:51:17 Everything I know I learnedfrom this son of a bitch.
1157 00:51:20 Technically,we're all sons of bitches, sir.
1158 00:51:21 Shut up.Hey, so where'd you end up, brother?
1159 00:51:24 Drug sniffing? Bomb detection?What are we talking about?
1160 00:51:26 Oh, um… Well, I take care of dying humans.
1161 00:51:29 Oh.
1162 00:51:31 I mean, that's not the end of the world,I guess.
1163 00:51:33 Oh. For them it is.
1164 00:51:34 Well, hey, guys.
1165 00:51:36 You found some strays, Rolf?
1166 00:51:39 -Good job.-So what are you fuckers doing out here?
1167 00:51:41 -Oh, uh, well, it's a long story.-We're gonna bite a guy's dick off.
1168 00:51:45 It's actually a short story.
1169 00:51:46 Nice! Man, when I joined the force,you could bite dicks left and right.
1170 00:51:49 Nowadays, I chomp a dick,I gotta fill out two weeks of paperwork.
1171 00:51:53 Can I get an AC unit downto Old Forest Road 54?
1172 00:51:56 We're trying to get to the devilin the sky. Does that sound familiar?
1173 00:51:59 - Devil in the sky? Yeah.- Much appreciated.
1174 00:52:01 You stick with us,we'll show you the way.
1175 00:52:02 -Wow, really?-Sure thing, rat boy.
1176 00:52:05 Let's not waitso long next time, huh?
1177 00:52:07 -What's it been, seven years?-I think just one,
1178 00:52:09 but every year feels like seven to us,so that makes sense.
1179 00:52:12 Okay.We gotta get our story straight.
1180 00:52:14 It was a possum whokilled all the bunnies. Got it?
1181 00:52:16 -Wait, what's the possum's name?-Uh, Greg.
1182 00:52:18 That's not a believable name for a possum.Ooh. Can it be Monty?
1183 00:52:22 -Hey, Cath.-Steve, thanks for coming over.
1184 00:52:25 Hey, little guy. Want a treat?
1185 00:52:27 Treats! I love treats!
1186 00:52:29 Oh, my goodness,does somebody want a treat?
1187 00:52:31 This one's all for you.I got tons of treats.
1188 00:52:33 Reggie, it's a trap!
1189 00:52:35 Hey!
1190 00:52:36 No, no, no!
1191 00:52:37 Those bunnies were deadwhen we found them.
1192 00:52:39 It was a possum named, uh, Greg, or--
1193 00:52:41 Monty!His name was Monty, not Greg.
1194 00:52:44 We had no choice.They threatened us!
1195 00:52:46 But, Rolf,I thought we were pals.
1196 00:52:48 Sorry, old friend. The law's the law.You know how it is.
1197 00:52:51 What a sadistic fuck.
1198 00:52:52 Hey, calm down, sweetie pie.You'll all be fine.
1199 00:52:55 If you got tags, they'll send you home.
1200 00:53:00 -Oh, fresh meat.-Hey, big boy.
1201 00:53:02 -I like the mouth on that one.-We're gonna cuddle real hard.
1202 00:53:05 Hey, bitch! Hey, little bitch!
1203 00:53:08 Guys, we gotta get out of here.We're running out of time.
1204 00:53:11 -Where even are we?-Nowhere good.
1205 00:53:13 No, no, no. I can't be here.
1206 00:53:15 I can't. Not this again.
1207 00:53:16 Come on, mate.We'll be fine.
1208 00:53:17 Rolf told us they'll just send us home.It'll be all right.
1209 00:53:20 They only send you homeif you got a home to go back to.
1210 00:53:23 And do you know what these people doto dogs that don't have one, Hunter? Huh?
1211 00:53:26 Do you have any ideawhat they're about to do to me and Reg?
1212 00:53:30 Calm down, Bug. We'll figure this out.
1213 00:53:31 Ain't nothing to figure out, Maggie.
1214 00:53:33 These humans caught usand now we are fucked.
1215 00:53:35 Bug, you don't know that.
1216 00:53:37 Yeah. I mean, Bug,
1217 00:53:38 you say you know so much about humans,but you don't really know them either.
1218 00:53:42 I mean, you've never had an owner.
1219 00:53:43 You never had a Jenna.You never had a Doug.
1220 00:53:46 I had an Emma!
1221 00:53:47 What?
1222 00:53:48 Whoa.Bug, you had an owner?
1223 00:53:52 Yeah.
1224 00:53:53 And I told myselfthat I would never say her name again.
1225 00:53:58 But y'all need to hear this.
1226 00:54:00 -No.-No? Okay.
1227 00:54:02 I don't remember everything,
1228 00:54:04 but I rememberthe day she got me out of there.
1229 00:54:07 - This one.- He's a cute little bugger.
1230 00:54:09 Cute little bug.
1231 00:54:13 We did everything together.
1232 00:54:15 We played all day, and no matterhow stupid I acted, she always laughed.
1233 00:54:21 Trick or treat.
1234 00:54:22 We even did this thing I hated,
1235 00:54:24 where she would dress us upin super weird clothes,
1236 00:54:27 and ask the neighbors to give usthat chocolate humans make from dog poop.
1237 00:54:30 Oh, not for you, honey.
1238 00:54:31 It's okay. It's just a storm.
1239 00:54:34 But even better than all the funwe had is the way she made me feel.
1240 00:54:38 I love you.
1241 00:54:40 When she said that,I felt so special.
1242 00:54:43 And then it was usually followedby these incredible belly scratches.
1243 00:54:47 No one ever made my leg kick like that.
1244 00:54:49 Except for this one night with a raccoonI don't like to talk about, but, anyway.
1245 00:54:55 But then I made a mistake.
1246 00:55:00 It was a blur.
1247 00:55:03 I didn't even know what I diduntil it was too late.
1248 00:55:06 Say goodbye to Bug?
1249 00:55:16 I thought I was gettingput in time-out or something.
1250 00:55:21 But the place she sent me to…
1251 00:55:23 the time-outs there never end.
1252 00:55:33 I never saw her again.
1253 00:55:35 After all we had been through.
1254 00:55:37 Everything she made me feel,everything I thought I made her feel.
1255 00:55:42 Just nothing.
1256 00:55:44 We did so much together.She taught me so many tricks.
1257 00:55:48 But the one trickshe never wanted me to learn was…
1258 00:55:52 "Stay."
1259 00:55:54 I think I zoned outaround the middle part.
1260 00:55:56 Can you tell it again?
1261 00:55:57 Hunter, I'm not gonna tellthe middle part again.
1262 00:56:00 I'm sorry, Bug. I had no idea.
1263 00:56:02 Don't be sorry, Reg. Be thankful.
1264 00:56:04 'Cause you got a chanceto make this right.
1265 00:56:06 Oh, what I wouldn't give to bite this girlin the dick.
1266 00:56:10 But you know, she's six,and I don't know where she lives now,
1267 00:56:13 and she's a girland doesn't even have a dick, but still.
1268 00:56:15 Listen.What we're doing isn't just about Doug.
1269 00:56:18 We're doing this for all of them.
1270 00:56:21 For every single one of those humanswho treated us like shit.
1271 00:56:26 Man, biggest mistake of my life.
1272 00:56:28 Yeah, I'd regret that bite too.
1273 00:56:31 The bite? No, I'm talking about her.
1274 00:56:34 She's the mistake. Not the--
1275 00:56:36 Okay, well, we can talk aboutgetting back at your exes all we want.
1276 00:56:39 But none of that mattersif we can't get out of here.
1277 00:56:41 Guys, what if we can get the key?
1278 00:56:52 Oh, no, we'd need, like,a super long pole to hook it.
1279 00:56:59 Why is everyone looking at me?
1280 00:57:05 Come on, Hunter. You can do it.
1281 00:57:09 You're so close.
1282 00:57:10 Just a little more.
1283 00:57:11 Come on, get hornier!You can do it!
1284 00:57:13 This is all I got.
1285 00:57:15 Maggie, come on. Excite him.
1286 00:57:17 Hunter, this has beena really long, hard trip.
1287 00:57:24 But the thing that keeps me pantingis thinking about us doing it
1288 00:57:30 regular style.
1289 00:57:31 Oh, boy! It's working.
1290 00:57:33 Keep talking, Maggie. More sexy stuff.
1291 00:57:35 Just picture me,all eight nipples rock hard.
1292 00:57:40 And I'm wearing nothing but…
1293 00:57:42 …the cone.
1294 00:57:46 You're doing it, Hunter.
1295 00:57:48 Come on, Hunter.Use that dick of yours.
1296 00:57:51 Yes, Hunter!
1297 00:57:52 Hunter! Hunter!
1298 00:57:55 Hunter! Hunter! Hunter!
1299 00:57:58 Hunter! Hunter!
1300 00:58:00 Hunter!
1301 00:58:01 Hunter!
1302 00:58:03 Sorry, guys. It's hopeless.
1303 00:58:05 Oh, Hunter.
1304 00:58:06 Shit. Really thoughtthat was gonna work.
1305 00:58:08 Sorry my dick let you down.
1306 00:58:10 Wait, I've got it.
1307 00:58:12 What's the one thing humansare obsessed with?
1308 00:58:14 -Uh, themselves.-Painting their faces.
1309 00:58:16 -Dying.-No.
1310 00:58:17 Bug, you said it yourself.
1311 00:58:19 What's the thinghumans are most obsessed with about dogs?
1312 00:58:22 -Our shit!-Yes!
1313 00:58:24 Every single time we shit,what do they do?
1314 00:58:26 - They come and bag it up.- Yeah.
1315 00:58:28 That's right.Once this place gets all poopy,
1316 00:58:31 Willy comes in and bags it up,like he's collecting it for something.
1317 00:58:34 - Exactly! That's our ticket out of here.- For chocolate!
1318 00:58:37 We poop until he has to open these doors,
1319 00:58:40 and when he does, we charge!
1320 00:58:42 - Good on ya.- Nice thinking, kid. I'm in!
1321 00:58:44 I got a couple of shitsin the chamber.
1322 00:58:47 -Not gonna happen.-No, thanks, kid.
1323 00:58:48 What's wrong with you guys?Don't you want to get out of this place?
1324 00:58:50 Of course.But we've been burned so many times,
1325 00:58:53 we're smart enough to knowthat we'll never get beyond these walls
1326 00:58:56 without a human coming to adopt us.
1327 00:58:59 Look, I get it.
1328 00:59:01 I've had dark moments.
1329 00:59:03 Moments where I felt stuck.
1330 00:59:06 Moments where,even if you couldn't see it,
1331 00:59:08 it felt like there was a wallor a fence holding you back.
1332 00:59:12 Yeah, invisible magic fences.I swear to God, that's real.
1333 00:59:14 But I'm here to tell youthat's garbage talk.
1334 00:59:18 'Cause I was lucky enoughto meet some amazing friends,
1335 00:59:21 who taught me that just beyond those walls
1336 00:59:23 is a bunch of incredible stuffworth living for.
1337 00:59:26 There's lampposts to pee on.
1338 00:59:28 There's scraps to eatand couches to make love to.
1339 00:59:31 And dead bunnies…
1340 00:59:33 …that I-I know nothing about.
1341 00:59:35 -I know nothing about that either.-No clue what you're talking about.
1342 00:59:37 -Tennis balls to fetch and---A dick to bite off!
1343 00:59:39 What? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That too.
1344 00:59:42 But most importantly,there's a life out there worth living.
1345 00:59:46 - Go, Reg!- Whoo! Reggie!
1346 00:59:48 So I'm asking you,do you want to stay here and die,
1347 00:59:52 or do you want to shit your brains outand live?
1348 00:59:56 -Live! Live!-We wanna live!
1349 00:59:58 -Live!-Live!
1350 00:59:59 Then poop with me!Poop with me to freedom!
1351 01:00:03 ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1352 01:00:05 ♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit ♪
1353 01:00:08 -♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪-♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
1354 01:00:10 -♪ Oh, shit, oh, shit ♪-♪ Oh… ♪
1355 01:00:13 Dig deep inside of you!Deep inside your colon.
1356 01:00:17 Release your pent-up feelings.
1357 01:00:20 Let it flow!
1358 01:00:23 ♪ When I come to the club ♪
1359 01:00:24 -♪ Step aside ♪-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1360 01:00:25 ♪ Part the seasDon't be havin' me in the line ♪
1361 01:00:27 ♪ Oh, shit… ♪
1362 01:00:28 Great work, everybody! Keep on pooping!
1363 01:00:31 -♪ And me love you long time ♪-♪ Oh, shit ♪
1364 01:00:34 ♪ How come every time you come around ♪
1365 01:00:36 ♪ My London, London BridgeWanna go down? ♪
1366 01:00:39 ♪ Like London, London, LondonBe goin' down like… ♪
1367 01:00:46 Those are my eyes.
1368 01:00:49 Exactly.
1369 01:00:51 I think Dad's really gonna love this.
1370 01:01:00 I think it's working. Places, everyone.
1371 01:01:12 Oh, God. I can taste it.
1372 01:01:24 Oh, fuck.
1373 01:01:42 Very cute.
1374 01:01:43 Very funny.
1375 01:01:46 I see what's going on here.
1376 01:01:47 You guys think that I…
1377 01:01:52 am a big, fat fucking asshole. Right?
1378 01:01:54 You know everything about me.
1379 01:01:56 You know all the thingsthat have happened in my life
1380 01:01:59 with my dad and my ex-wife.
1381 01:02:07 Bravo. Bravo!
1382 01:02:10 Oh, encore!
1383 01:02:12 Just kidding!
1384 01:02:13 It's done!
1385 01:02:14 We are done!
1386 01:02:18 Wait, what are you--Oh, my God.
1387 01:02:23 Charge!
1388 01:02:37 Ah, we did it!
1389 01:02:38 I can't believe we shit that much!
1390 01:02:40 Hunter's dick! Hunter's dick!
1391 01:02:42 The hell with ya!
1392 01:02:53 Thanks for your patience, folks.Really.
1393 01:02:57 Ooh. I'm sorry, Diane. Uh…
1394 01:03:01 "Then poop with me to freedom!"
1395 01:03:04 So cheesy, but I loved it.
1396 01:03:06 What a plan.What a speech, Reg.
1397 01:03:08 Actually, Reginald,I preferred the first speech.
1398 01:03:11 You know, the one whereyou convinced all of us to do this,
1399 01:03:13 back when you were focusedon biting Doug's dick off.
1400 01:03:16 - Bug.- Okay, okay, Bug. Look.
1401 01:03:19 Oh! Look! The devil in the sky!
1402 01:03:22 -We made it!-Look at that fucking guy!
1403 01:03:24 Burn in hell,you motherfucking son of a bitch.
1404 01:03:27 -I hate everything about him.-The dumb-ass smile, those shitty pants.
1405 01:03:29 I want to rip your nuts offand make you watch!
1406 01:03:31 Stupid hat and your stupid truck,
1407 01:03:33 with the door on the other sideof the thing.
1408 01:03:36 - I hate his face, personality.- I wanna rip him a new asshole.
1409 01:03:38 I hate his bag, his shirt…
1410 01:03:39 He smells likea thousand different houses,
1411 01:03:41 and I can't trust that!
1412 01:03:44 Anyways, good job, guys.The final landmark.
1413 01:03:46 -Yeah. That's right.-And right on schedule.
1414 01:03:48 Yeah, barely. You rememberwhich way to go from here?
1415 01:03:50 Uh, yeah, we just--we just stay on this road for now.
1416 01:03:54 -Good, let's move.-All right.
1417 01:03:56 - Great.- W-Wait, wait, wait.
1418 01:03:57 One second. Can't leave yet.
1419 01:03:59 -Huh?-What's up, Reg?
1420 01:04:00 Where is it? Oh, there.
1421 01:04:05 All right. Let's go, guys.
1422 01:04:07 No, no, no. Hold on a second.
1423 01:04:09 Why couldn't you leavewithout the ball, Reggie?
1424 01:04:11 I don't know, I just like tennis balls.
1425 01:04:13 I know ball guys. You're not a ball guy.
1426 01:04:16 Well, you don't know everything about me.
1427 01:04:18 Well, I'm learning a little moreright now.
1428 01:04:21 Drop the ball, Reg.
1429 01:04:22 What? No.
1430 01:04:24 Drop the fucking ball.
1431 01:04:26 -Leave it!-I'm not gonna leave the ball!
1432 01:04:29 -Drop the ball!-No.
1433 01:04:30 Reggie, you drop that goddamn ball!
1434 01:04:31 -No.-You don't even like balls!
1435 01:04:33 Doug likes balls!
1436 01:04:34 Doug?
1437 01:04:36 Oh, Reg.
1438 01:04:37 I don't know why, but he does.
1439 01:04:39 And when we play the game,"Fetch and Fuck,"
1440 01:04:41 it always ends when I come homeand bring him back a ball.
1441 01:04:44 So I know he's expecting it,and I'm not gonna let him down.
1442 01:04:47 Goddamn it.
1443 01:04:48 So when you told me you didn't knowhow you were gonna bite Doug in the dick,
1444 01:04:52 the real reason you don't know is because…
1445 01:04:54 You're not gonna bite Doug in the dick.
1446 01:04:56 Look, when we first set out,I was totally into the plan.
1447 01:05:00 But the closer we got to Doug,the more I realized
1448 01:05:04 that I miss him.
1449 01:05:06 -And I think he misses me, too.-Reggie, don't do this.
1450 01:05:09 You deserve so much better than him.
1451 01:05:11 I don't, Hunter. I really don't.
1452 01:05:13 You know why Doug abandoned me?
1453 01:05:15 Because I was the problemin our relationship.
1454 01:05:17 I ate his shoes.
1455 01:05:19 I woke him up so early every daybecause I needed to pee.
1456 01:05:22 And I pooped on the rug.
1457 01:05:24 We've all pooped on the rug, Reggie.
1458 01:05:26 Did you roll in it, Maggie?Did you roll in the poop?
1459 01:05:28 Because guess what, I rolled in the poop.
1460 01:05:31 Okay, that's not great.
1461 01:05:32 God, I can't believe it took me this longto realize this,
1462 01:05:34 that every time he called me a bad dog,he was absolutely right.
1463 01:05:38 -It was all my fault.-Wow.
1464 01:05:41 Well,I'm not gonna be a bad dog anymore.
1465 01:05:43 It's time for me to be a good boy.
1466 01:05:44 Jesus, I cannot believethat I risked my life for this asshole
1467 01:05:48 just so he could go backand get with another asshole.
1468 01:05:51 I did all of this for you, Reggie.
1469 01:05:54 You didn't do this for me.
1470 01:05:55 You said it yourself.This isn't about Doug.
1471 01:05:58 This is about every single one of themwho treated us like shit.
1472 01:06:01 -This is about Emma!-Reggie.
1473 01:06:03 Fuck you.
1474 01:06:05 Hey. How about rule number three, Bug?
1475 01:06:07 You're on your own?Well, then what were we?
1476 01:06:09 -Wow.-I don't think you want to be a stray.
1477 01:06:11 -I think you're sad and lonely.-Can you believe this fucking guy?
1478 01:06:14 And I think the only reasonyou claim to hate humans
1479 01:06:16 is because if you ever stoppedto think about what happened,
1480 01:06:19 you'd realize that Emma didn't fuck it up.
1481 01:06:22 -You did.-Get the fuck away from me.
1482 01:06:24 Believe me,I fucked up with my owner, too.
1483 01:06:26 So thank you for helping me realizeI was the problem.
1484 01:06:29 Only difference is I have a chanceto fix it and not end up like you.
1485 01:06:36 -Hey, hey. What are you doing?-Guys, stop it! Guys!
1486 01:06:38 - Come on!- Give me this thing!
1487 01:06:40 -Give it back!-Bug!
1488 01:06:41 Doug gave me that!Give that back!
1489 01:06:43 -I know he did!-No!
1490 01:06:45 - Stop it! Stop!- Bug, don't do that.
1491 01:06:47 That's what I think about youand your owner.
1492 01:06:49 Go fuck yourself, Reggie.
1493 01:06:51 You two deserve each other.
1494 01:07:01 -Reggie, don't do this!-Reg.
1495 01:07:04 I hope he's already left without you!
1496 01:07:11 Man.
1497 01:07:13 I really thought my dickwas gonna hook those keys.
1498 01:07:17 Um,but this is also a bummer.
1499 01:07:30 Bug, we can't go back.
1500 01:07:31 Sure we can. The devil in the sky.Cone. Hamster wheel.
1501 01:07:35 Just in the opposite order of how we came.
1502 01:07:37 No dead bunnies this time.
1503 01:07:38 Bug, she meanswe can't leave him like this.
1504 01:07:40 First off, Hunter, we didn't leave him.He left us.
1505 01:07:44 Second, we don't know the rest of the wayback to Doug's place, anyway.
1506 01:07:47 And third,I'm not just gonna hang around here
1507 01:07:50 and let some dickless birdswoop in on my girlfriend while I'm gone.
1508 01:07:53 What?
1509 01:07:55 Look, if there's one thingthat the asshole got right,
1510 01:07:57 is that I have been wasting my timewith you guys.
1511 01:08:00 I'm a stray,and I should start acting like one.
1512 01:08:03 -Wait, where are you going?-I don't know. To go do some "nunya."
1513 01:08:06 What's "nunya"?
1514 01:08:07 Nunya fucking business.
1515 01:08:08 Oh, yeah. I walked right into that one.
1516 01:08:10 Let's go home, Hunter.
1517 01:08:16 Talking about I'm lonely.Talking about I'm scared.
1518 01:08:19 Fuck does he think he's talking about?
1519 01:08:21 I'm gonna tell you right now,I ain't lonely
1520 01:08:23 and I damn sure ain't scared.
1521 01:08:25 Fuck you, leaf!
1522 01:08:26 End up like me?
1523 01:08:28 I pissed on two carsand three houses last week.
1524 01:08:30 That's right, I'm a three-year-old dogand I'm already a homeowner.
1525 01:08:33 I'm living the motherfucking dream.And I'm not scared to be alone.
1526 01:08:36 Matter of fact,I ain't scared of anything.
1527 01:08:40 Who's that?
1528 01:08:42 Don't come closer! I-I, uh…
1529 01:08:44 I'm crazy! I fuck trash!
1530 01:09:01 Nope, not doing this.Just walk away, Bug.
1531 01:09:04 Little girls like Emma suckand you know it.
1532 01:09:13 Don't listen to her, man.Don't listen to her.
1533 01:09:16 Another fucking narcissistputting her needs above your own.
1534 01:09:19 You've been down this fucking road before,man, just-- just…
1535 01:09:23 Goddamn it.
1536 01:09:33 Hey, there.
1537 01:09:34 What are you doingout here all alone?
1538 01:09:38 Did you get lost like me?
1539 01:09:39 It's gonna be okay.
1540 01:09:41 Holy shit. Wait! You're the girlthat everyone's looking for.
1541 01:09:43 Holy shit!
1542 01:09:45 I found her. I found her!
1543 01:09:47 Somebody, please help!
1544 01:09:48 -I found the girl!-That's Bug!
1545 01:09:51 Bug, where are you?
1546 01:09:52 Let's go!
1547 01:09:57 I see him!
1548 01:09:59 I can't believe you found the girl.
1549 01:10:01 Oh, my God, Bug!
1550 01:10:02 Come on, we gotta get her some help.She's in bad shape.
1551 01:10:05 - Help! Over here!- Over here! We found her! Help!
1552 01:10:08 -Help!-Rolf! You dickhead!
1553 01:10:09 -Help! Help!-Come on! Help!
1554 01:10:14 Lost kid! Let's move!
1555 01:10:16 -Over here!-Help!
1556 01:10:17 - Here they come.- Over here.
1557 01:10:18 Munchkin, check the girl.
1558 01:10:20 Hell of a job, Hunter,and small dogs.
1559 01:10:23 -Didn't know you had it in ya.-Oh, my God.
1560 01:10:25 Riley! Riley, here you are.
1561 01:10:27 Good dog, good dog.
1562 01:10:28 You're okay.
1563 01:10:29 I'm not even gonna askhow you ended up back in these woods.
1564 01:10:32 All I'll ask is
1565 01:10:33 how can I repay you?
1566 01:10:37 You can help save my best friend.
1567 01:10:42 Oh, what am I gonna say?What am I gonna say?
1568 01:10:44 Okay, I should probably rehearse this.
1569 01:10:47 Hey, Doug.
1570 01:10:48 "Hey, shitbag."
1571 01:10:50 - What've you been up to?- "Mostly masturbating."
1572 01:10:52 Oh. Cool, classic Doug.
1573 01:10:55 So, I owe you an apology.
1574 01:10:57 "Okay."
1575 01:10:58 You were totallyright to ditch me in that alley.
1576 01:11:00 I mean, I was terrible.
1577 01:11:02 "Agreed."
1578 01:11:03 But I was wondering if we couldmaybe make some changes when I'm back?
1579 01:11:08 Like, maybe we could do walks now,
1580 01:11:10 and possibly increase pee breaksto twice a day?
1581 01:11:13 And maybe, if you feel like it,
1582 01:11:16 you could call me a good boyevery once in a while?
1583 01:11:23 Ugh. This is stupid.
1584 01:11:29 What do you mean you can't track him down?You're sniff dogs. That's what you do.
1585 01:11:32 Yeah, come on, Rolf.They taught us that.
1586 01:11:34 It's impossible. We can't track himwithout knowing his scent first.
1587 01:11:37 Did you get any whiff of him yesterday,Munchkin?
1588 01:11:39 - Nothing I can recall, sir.- Wait!
1589 01:11:41 -The bandana!-Come again?
1590 01:11:43 We can get his scent from the bandana.Let's go! Let's go!
1591 01:11:45 Nice, Maggie.
1592 01:11:46 Rolf?
1593 01:11:47 Hey, Rolf!
1594 01:11:48 - There it is!- There! There it is! There it is!
1595 01:11:53 Way to go, Maggie.
1596 01:11:54 Halt! Good God, what's that smell?
1597 01:11:57 Can you smell Reggie off that thing?
1598 01:12:00 I'm not getting any dog off of this, sir.Just a lot of urine.
1599 01:12:03 - Oh, huh. Oh, wow.- Huh.
1600 01:12:04 - That's weird.- It was Bug.
1601 01:12:06 And from the stain patterns, I can tellthis was a very small pee stream,
1602 01:12:10 indicative of a dog with an……unbelievably tiny penis.
1603 01:12:13 -Again, Bug.-It ain't indicative of shit.
1604 01:12:15 If anything,it is indicative of a well-shaped,
1605 01:12:17 sensual penisthat transcends dick size.
1606 01:12:20 Lots of TDU:Tiny Dick Urine over here.
1607 01:12:22 It would take a miracle to pick upany dog scent off of that thing.
1608 01:12:25 There you are.What's gotten into you guys?
1609 01:12:27 Fuck are you doing?
1610 01:12:29 You'll taint the smell.
1611 01:12:30 I'm doing your job.Now back the fuck off, Adolf.
1612 01:12:34 -Adolf?-It's 'cause you're a German Sh--
1613 01:12:36 -Oh, whatever.-I get it now. Hitler reference.
1614 01:12:39 Go, Maggie! Go, Maggie!
1615 01:12:45 I'm picking up…
1616 01:12:47 Bitches of the night. Pizza. Vomit pizza?
1617 01:12:49 Hot dogs. All of our pee.
1618 01:12:51 Eagle feathers. Dennis Quaid?
1619 01:12:53 Squirrel sex.Dead bunnies that I know nothing about.
1620 01:12:55 Hunter's boner. Ooh, lots of shit.
1621 01:12:56 A tiny Boston Terrier dick and…
1622 01:12:59 Reggie! I got him!
1623 01:13:00 -Yes, Maggie!-Let's move!
1624 01:13:02 Come on, let's go!Thanks, Rolf!
1625 01:13:04 Except for when you fucked us over.
1626 01:13:06 Good luck, soldiers!
1627 01:13:08 And sorry I'm such a fucking asshole!
1628 01:13:10 I should really work on myself.
1629 01:14:04 Oh, thanks forshitting on the carpet!
1630 01:14:06 The fuck are you thinking? Huh?
1631 01:14:09 Oh, you're such a stupidlittle piece of shit.
1632 01:14:20 Can you just leave me the fuck alone?
1633 01:14:23 Bad dog!
1634 01:14:31 That's what you fuckingsound like, you piece of shit.
1635 01:15:02 Okay, one last shit on the carpet,and then I'm out.
1636 01:15:25 Hey, Doug.
1637 01:15:28 Fuck!
1638 01:15:29 It's me, Reggie.
1639 01:15:31 A-And look, I-I know you can't understandwhat I'm saying right now.
1640 01:15:34 No, no, no, this is not happening.
1641 01:15:36 But I just wanna say how I feel.
1642 01:15:39 I know you didn't like me.
1643 01:15:41 I mean, obviously.
1644 01:15:43 You abandoned me in the street.
1645 01:15:45 But just know that I did everythingI could to make you feel loved.
1646 01:15:50 And I thought if I loved you enough,then maybe you would love me back.
1647 01:15:56 But then I met new friends.
1648 01:15:58 I met the sweetest big dog,with just the nicest dick.
1649 01:16:03 The most talented, baddest bitchin the world,
1650 01:16:06 and the tiniest, scrappiest,
1651 01:16:08 funniest best friend I could ever ask for.
1652 01:16:12 Oh, and I met my son too, who's a gnome,and we had sex, but whatever.
1653 01:16:17 The point is, those friends showed mewhat real love feels like.
1654 01:16:22 And it's nothing like what we had.
1655 01:16:25 Now I know that I wasn't a bad dog.
1656 01:16:28 You were a bad man.
1657 01:16:31 Bad man! Bad man!
1658 01:16:37 Goodbye, Doug.
1659 01:16:39 And fuck you.
1660 01:16:48 Now what do I gotta doto get you the fuck out of my life?
1661 01:16:53 I mean, how do you not get it, man?
1662 01:16:55 I drove you three hours away.
1663 01:16:59 I mean, how could I make it any more clearthat I don't care about you?
1664 01:17:02 I don't fucking love you.
1665 01:17:04 Goodbye forever, shitbag.
1666 01:17:08 Well, at least I foundsomeone who loved me.
1667 01:17:11 Pee-FFs forever.
1668 01:17:16 Pee-FFs forever!
1669 01:17:18 The fuck? Who the hell are these dogs?
1670 01:17:22 Jesus Christ,it's like a fucking dog movie in here.
1671 01:17:27 Oh, yeah?
1672 01:17:28 The fuck are you gonna do about it,cone boy?
1673 01:17:41 Oh, shit.
1674 01:17:48 Reggie, are you okay?
1675 01:17:50 Listen, Bug,I-I'm so sorry for what I said. I--
1676 01:17:52 Don't worry about that right now.
1677 01:17:53 Yeah, we've got a dick to rip off.
1678 01:17:59 Get the fuck off me!
1679 01:18:02 Fuck. What the-- Get off me!
1680 01:18:04 Let go! Goddamn it!
1681 01:18:06 Ow! Fuck, my knee! Goddamn it!
1682 01:18:09 Oh, you want some, huh?
1683 01:18:15 Oh, goddamn it!
1684 01:18:16 You little fuckersowe me a microwave.
1685 01:18:19 Eat some foot!
1686 01:18:22 Ah! My foot!
1687 01:18:28 Shitbag!
1688 01:18:39 Oh! Fuck, my back!
1689 01:18:41 - Guys! We should get out of here.- Fuck!
1690 01:18:43 - Reggie!- Got you, you little shit!
1691 01:18:46 Well, look at you.You got yourself some friends?
1692 01:18:50 Let me tell you furry fucks something.
1693 01:18:53 Your little buddy here ruined my life.
1694 01:18:57 Before him,I had a fucking good thing going.
1695 01:19:00 A roof over my head,
1696 01:19:02 checks from my mom, two girlfriends.
1697 01:19:05 Now I have no house, no girlfriends,
1698 01:19:08 and I have to masturbate all day.
1699 01:19:11 All right?This dog turned me into a fucking loser.
1700 01:19:14 Why's he talking so much?
1701 01:19:16 You ever see the end of Marley & Me? Huh?
1702 01:19:19 Yeah, me neither. It's fucking boring.
1703 01:19:23 But I do knowthat the dog dies in the end.
1704 01:19:27 I'm gonna enjoysqueezing the life out of you…
1705 01:19:31 - Maggie, Hunter get in position.- Got it.
1706 01:19:33 - Copy.- …cause you squeezed the life out of me.
1707 01:19:35 Wait, what's happening?
1708 01:19:37 What are they doinggetting in a line like that?
1709 01:19:42 Fuck you!
1710 01:19:58 ♪ We clawed, we chained ♪
1711 01:20:00 ♪ Our hearts in vain ♪
1712 01:20:02 ♪ We jumped, never asking why ♪
1713 01:20:05 ♪ We kissedI fell under your spell ♪
1714 01:20:10 ♪ A love no one could deny ♪
1715 01:20:14 ♪ Don't you ever say… ♪
1716 01:20:16 Bad fucking dog!
1717 01:20:19 You're goddamn right.
1718 01:20:22 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
1719 01:20:26 ♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
1720 01:20:30 ♪ All I wanted was to break your walls ♪
1721 01:20:34 ♪ All you ever did was ♪
1722 01:20:36 ♪ Wreck me ♪
1723 01:20:40 ♪ You wreck me ♪
1724 01:20:43 ♪ I put you high up in the sky ♪
1725 01:20:47 ♪ And now you're not coming down ♪
1726 01:20:51 ♪ It slowly turnedYou let me burn ♪
1727 01:20:55 ♪ And now we're ashes on the ground ♪
1728 01:21:00 ♪ Don't you ever sayI just walked away ♪
1729 01:21:04 ♪ I will always want you ♪
1730 01:21:06 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
1731 01:21:10 ♪ Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung ♪
1732 01:21:14 ♪ Left me crashing in a blazing fall ♪
1733 01:21:18 ♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪
1734 01:21:23 ♪ Yeah, you, you wreck me ♪
1735 01:21:30 ♪ I never meant to start a war ♪
1736 01:21:34 ♪ I just wanted you to let me in… ♪
1737 01:21:37 Uh… Yeah, we should probably leave.
1738 01:21:40 Oh, yeah? We gotta go right now?I was kind of enjoying this.
1739 01:21:42 ♪ I guess I should've let you win… ♪
1740 01:21:44 Yo, Reg, I gotta be honest with you.I ain't think you was gonna do that shit.
1741 01:21:47 You really committed to that.
1742 01:21:48 More graphicthan I was expecting.
1743 01:21:50 That was almost too far.
1744 01:21:51 You one-upped me for sure.I mean, I bit a girl's ankle.
1745 01:21:54 You ripped a man's penis off.
1746 01:22:12 Today is gonna be the best day ever.
1747 01:22:15 How do I know that?Because every day is the best day ever.
1748 01:22:19 Hunter went back to his jobat the old human home.
1749 01:22:23 And he didn't even need his cone.
1750 01:22:25 Hey, Cone of Shame!Where's your lampshade?
1751 01:22:27 Actually, Bubsy,I don't need that cone anymore,
1752 01:22:30 just like I don't needany of your shit anymore.
1753 01:22:32 -Fuck you, Bubsy!-Wow.
1754 01:22:34 I had no idea you felt that way.I'm sorry.
1755 01:22:37 I-I'm just gonna go…
1756 01:22:39 fuck your mother!
1757 01:22:41 Fuck outta here!
1758 01:22:42 And he finally found the courageto let Maggie know how he feels about her.
1759 01:22:45 And now they have sex all the time!
1760 01:22:48 Regular style, of course.
1761 01:22:49 Attaboy, Hunter.
1762 01:22:52 Reminds me of when I was young.
1763 01:22:55 You used to fuck dogs?
1764 01:22:57 What?
1765 01:22:59 And Maggie, well,she finally got the owner she deserves.
1766 01:23:03 Maggie's part of the detection squad now.
1767 01:23:06 And she's the best sniffer on the team.
1768 01:23:08 I love the costume you gave her.
1769 01:23:10 -So good.-Uniform, for work.
1770 01:23:13 And Bug's the same old Bug,
1771 01:23:16 with one pretty big exception.
1772 01:23:18 He's changed his stance on people.
1773 01:23:21 Or at least, one very special person.
1774 01:23:27 ♪ And I'll show you how to love ♪
1775 01:23:30 ♪ To love ♪
1776 01:23:32 Sure, joining a family wasa bit of a learning experience for him.
1777 01:23:39 Oh, baby, I love this.
1778 01:23:41 Your cushions are so much tighterthan Dolores's.
1779 01:23:43 And what is this fabric, faux suede?
1780 01:23:46 -Hey.-Oh, hey, Kevin.
1781 01:23:49 Come on, buddy. No humping the couch.
1782 01:23:53 Nothing will ever come between us.
1783 01:23:57 Yep, life is pretty damn great.
1784 01:24:00 So we'll see you guys tonight?
1785 01:24:01 -Yes! Scraps night.-You know it! Scraps night!
1786 01:24:07 As for me, I chose to stay a stray.
1787 01:24:10 And I couldn't be happier.
1788 01:24:12 And for any dogs in need,I'll be there to show them the ropes.
1789 01:24:17 Hey, there. I'm Reggie. You got a name?
1790 01:24:19 Oh, hi. I'm-- I'm Shitstain.
1791 01:24:21 No, no, no. That's not your name.Trust me.
1792 01:24:25 Rule number one of being a stray:You want something, you pee on it.
1793 01:24:29 And whatever you pee on is yours.
1794 01:24:31 -Oh. How 'bout this lamppost?-That's mine.
1795 01:24:34 Oh. Okay.
1796 01:24:36 Rule number two: You can pretty muchhump whatever you want.
1797 01:24:38 -Cool!-Awesome!
1798 01:24:40 Rule number threeis the most important rule, bar none.
1799 01:24:45 You are not alone.
1800 01:24:49 You know, I used to thinkmy place was by Doug's side.
1801 01:24:52 But now I know my place is whereverI want it to be.
1802 01:24:55 And I've never felt more at home.
1803 01:24:58 'Cause I know a guywho lets me crash whenever I want.
1804 01:25:03 -Hey, loser.-Hey, fuck face.
1805 01:25:08 Liam, the cute scruffy dog is back!
1806 01:25:17 Isn't this the life?
1807 01:25:20 Who's a good boy?
1808 01:25:22 You're a good boy.
1809 01:25:24 Such a good boy.
1810 01:25:27 I've learned a lot since Doug.
1811 01:25:29 Sure, there's some bad peoplein this world,
1812 01:25:31 but even Bug would agree,the good ones are out there.
1813 01:25:35 You just gotta keep your eyes open.
1814 01:25:38 Hey, kids!
1815 01:25:39 - I'll rip your lungs out.- Fuck you, mailman!
1816 01:25:41 These guys have a lot of energy,don't they?
1817 01:25:43 -I'm gonna eat your fucking nut sack.-Get out of here, you evil little shit!
1818 01:25:46 -I'll give you to the count of three…-You stupid fucking evil devil!
1819 01:25:49 …and then I'm gonna jump this fenceand skull-fuck you to death!
1820 01:25:51 You're just as badas your friend in the sky!
1821 01:25:53 - Yeah, yeah, you smart! You smart!- You fuckwad! Go! Go! Go!
1822 01:25:57 Keep walking! Keep walking!
1823 01:25:58 Don't even think aboutcoming back here tomorrow!
1824 01:26:00 Fuck off!
1825 01:26:01 Yeah, bitch. You don't want toget this guy angry.
1826 01:26:03 I may be small,but you have no idea what I'm capable of!
1827 01:26:08 Just ask Doug!
1828 01:26:10 I ripped the guy's cock off!
1829 01:26:13 ♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1830 01:26:15 ♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1831 01:26:18 ♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1832 01:26:21 ♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1833 01:26:23 ♪ It's 1-9-9-treSo let me just play ♪
1834 01:26:26 ♪ It's Snoop Dogg, I'm on the mic ♪
1835 01:26:27 ♪ I'm back with Dr. Dre ♪
1836 01:26:29 ♪ But this time I'ma hitYo' ass with a touch ♪
1837 01:26:31 ♪ To leave motherfuckers in a dazeFucked up ♪
1838 01:26:34 ♪ So sit back, relaxNew jacks get smacked ♪
1839 01:26:36 ♪ It's Snoop Doggy DoggI'm at the top of the stack ♪
1840 01:26:39 ♪ I don't lack for a secondAnd I'm still checkin' ♪
1841 01:26:42 ♪ The dopest motherfuckerThat ya hearin' on the record ♪
1842 01:26:44 ♪ It's me, ya see, S-N-double-O-P ♪
1843 01:26:46 ♪ D-O-double-G-Y, the D-O-double-G ♪
1844 01:26:49 ♪ I'm fly as a falconSoarin' through the sky ♪
1845 01:26:52 --♪ And I'm high till I dizzie, rizzide ♪
1846 01:26:54 ♪ So check it, I get busyI make your head dizzy ♪
1847 01:26:58 ♪ I blow up your mouthLike I was Dizzy Gillespie ♪
1848 01:27:00 ♪ I'm crazy, you can't phase me ♪
1849 01:27:02 ♪ I'm the S, oh, yes, I'm fresh ♪
1850 01:27:04 ♪ I don't fuck with the stress ♪
1851 01:27:05 ♪ I'm all about the chronicBionic, ya see ♪
1852 01:27:08 ♪ Every single dayChillin' with the D-O-double-G's ♪
1853 01:27:11 ♪ P-O-U-N-D, that's my clique, my crew ♪
1854 01:27:13 ♪ You fuck with usWe gots to fuck you up ♪
1855 01:27:16 ♪ I thought you knew, but yet and still ♪
1856 01:27:18 ♪ You wanna get realNow it's time to peel, you say chill ♪
1857 01:27:21 ♪ And feel the motherfuckin' realism ♪
1858 01:27:23 ♪ Snoop Doggy Dogg is on the mic ♪
1859 01:27:25 ♪ I'm hittin' hard as steel ♪
1860 01:27:26 ♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1861 01:27:29 ♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1862 01:27:32 ♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1863 01:27:34 ♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1864 01:27:37 ♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1865 01:27:40 ♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1866 01:27:42 ♪ This is for the GzAnd this is for the hustlas ♪
1867 01:27:45 ♪ This is for the hustlasNow back to the Gz ♪
1868 01:27:53 In additionto the multiple facial lacerations
1869 01:27:56 and the severe burn wounds,
1870 01:27:59 we also discovered an alarming amountof fecal bacteria in your system,
1871 01:28:04 which, I would imagine came fromthe-- the-- the…
1872 01:28:08 -Dog shitting in my mouth? Yeah.-Right. Yeah.
1873 01:28:13 Um… Ba-ba-ba…
1874 01:28:15 Checking the clipboard.
1875 01:28:17 Oh, yeah. We also, uh,couldn't reattach the penis.
1876 01:28:22 Fuck!
1877 01:28:39 ♪ Jamie ♪
1878 01:28:42 ♪ Jamie Foxx ♪
1879 01:28:45 ♪ Will Ferrell ♪
1880 01:29:00 ♪ Dirty, dirty dog ♪
1881 01:29:03 ♪ I'm a stray ♪
1882 01:29:13 ♪ Quit doggin' me! ♪
1883 01:29:16 ♪ Quit doggin' me! Dogging me ♪
1884 01:29:24 ♪ I'm a stray ♪