亚当斯一家 The Addams Family(2019)(EN)Subtitles
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1 00:01:01 Haunted Heart - Christina Aguilera
2 00:01:01 ♪ There's no bell when you call for me ♪
3 00:01:05 ♪ You'll be falling for miles ♪
4 00:01:09 ♪ I'm bewitched by your misery ♪
5 00:01:15 ♪ But I love it when you smile ♪
6 00:01:18 ♪ Let me know what you want from me ♪
7 00:01:22 ♪ Whisper "love" in my ears ♪
8 00:01:26 ♪ Before you try to get your hooks in me ♪
9 00:01:31 ♪ I should warn you, my dear ♪
10 00:01:35 ♪ My heart is a haunted house ♪
11 00:01:38 ♪ Once you're in, you ain't getting out ♪
12 00:01:42 ♪ It's the trap you've been waiting for ♪
13 00:01:46 ♪ Ain't no windows, ain't no doors ♪
14 00:01:50 ♪ No escaping the way you feel ♪
15 00:01:55 ♪ It's like a dream, but you hope it's real ♪
16 00:01:58 ♪ My, my, my heart ♪
17 00:02:02 ♪ M-m-m-my heart is a haunted haunted house ♪
18 00:02:10 ♪ M-m-m-my heart is a haunted ♪
19 00:02:14 ♪ Haunted house ♪
20 00:02:35 My love.
21 00:02:37 Cara mia.
22 00:02:39 The ring! The ring! Oh, no! No, no, no!
23 00:02:50 Oh, Thing! Best hand always has the ring!
24 00:03:03 Dearly be-loathed,
25 00:03:06 it is indeed a rare privilege to see our family
26 00:03:10 gathered together for this Addams tradition.
27 00:03:13 To commence this ceremony
28 00:03:15 and deliver these two
29 00:03:17 into the yawning void of matrimony,
30 00:03:21 we put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up.
31 00:03:33 I now pronounce you...
32 00:03:36 Monsters! freaks!
33 00:03:37 Get out, Addams!
34 00:03:38 You've been here long enough!
35 00:03:39 We've had enough of your kind!
36 00:03:41 Addams aren't wanted here!
37 00:03:42 Leave already!
38 00:03:44 I now pronounce you husband and wife.
39 00:03:45 Quick, put the lime in the coconut
40 00:03:47 and drink 'em both up!
41 00:03:53 Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
42 00:03:54 This is our home!
43 00:03:57 - You're not wanted! - We don't want you here!
44 00:03:59 Everyone, to the bridge!
45 00:04:06 Fire!
46 00:04:07 Fire!
47 00:04:24 You two love bats better fly out of here!
48 00:04:26 I'll hold them off!
49 00:04:27 Mazurka!
50 00:04:33 Grab onto my hairy hump!
51 00:04:40 I think I can see my house from here.
52 00:04:42 Oh, no. That's a women's prison.
53 00:04:45 Oh, Gomez, why do hordes of angry villagers
54 00:04:48 follow us everywhere we go?
55 00:04:50 We are safe, my love, that is all that matters.
56 00:04:53 I want to find a new home
57 00:04:55 that is shrouded from the world.
58 00:04:57 Someplace that is truly us.
59 00:05:00 Yes! Somewhere horrible! Somewhere corrupt!
60 00:05:04 Somewhere that no one in their right mind
61 00:05:06 would be caught dead in!
62 00:05:19 Unhappy, darling?
63 00:05:20 Yes, completely.
64 00:05:23 Oh, Gomez, you have torn down my walls
65 00:05:27 and stabbed your name onto my heart.
66 00:05:31 My wan temptress,
67 00:05:33 your hand is as cold as a dead fish.
68 00:05:36 My love, that is a dead fish.
69 00:05:40 So it is.
70 00:05:47 Darling,
71 00:05:48 is that a wrinkle I see on your pallid brow?
72 00:05:52 What's wrong?
73 00:05:53 We can't run forever, my love.
74 00:05:55 I want a home again.
75 00:05:57 I want our children to grow up in peace.
76 00:06:00 I want to pick out cemetery plots.
77 00:06:02 Morticia, I swear on my life
78 00:06:04 I will find us a new home.
79 00:06:06 And your every wish shall be granted.
80 00:06:09 Mon amour.
81 00:06:11 French. You know what that does to me.
82 00:06:16 ♪ Wild thing ♪
83 00:06:20 ♪ You make my heart... ♪
84 00:06:31 We hit something!
85 00:06:40 Is he all right?
86 00:06:42 No, he seems perfectly demented.
87 00:06:44 "State Hospital for the Criminally Insane."
88 00:06:48 Gomez.
89 00:06:54 That must be the asylum.
90 00:06:56 Oh, thank goodness.
91 00:06:57 A decent place to sleep for the night.
92 00:07:06 Thank you, old boy. Lead the way.
93 00:07:26 It's quiet. Too quiet.
94 00:07:29 Must be the off-season.
95 00:07:40 Hello?
96 00:07:45 There's no one here.
97 00:07:46 Could it be abandoned?
98 00:07:48 It's creepy. Kooky.
99 00:07:51 Mysterious. Spooky.
100 00:08:52 Get out!
101 00:08:58 It's hideous.
102 00:08:59 It's horrible.
103 00:09:01 It's home.
104 00:10:47 What a lovely morning!
105 00:10:53 Nice try.
106 00:10:54 Get out!
107 00:10:58 Oh, you're always so grumpy before your morning coffee.
108 00:11:11 Better?
109 00:11:30 Lurch,
110 00:11:31 it's time for breakfast.
111 00:11:51 Thing.
112 00:11:53 Have Ichabod wake the children.
113 00:11:59 Lurch, would you mind dusting the house?
114 00:12:11 Slowly, Cleopatra.
115 00:12:13 I wouldn't want my favorite African Strangler to choke.
116 00:12:58 All right, Ichabod. I'm awake.
117 00:13:01 Not for long.
118 00:13:04 Real mature, Pugsley.
119 00:13:06 Oh, please.
120 00:13:07 You never threw an axe when you were my age?
121 00:13:09 Of course I did. I never missed.
122 00:13:15 How I wish something would liven up this already tedious day.
123 00:13:23 Thanks for trying, Ichabod.
124 00:14:13 Pugsley?
125 00:14:14 Pugsley! It's time for sword practice.
126 00:14:18 Pugsley!
127 00:14:19 Let the games begin.
128 00:14:48 Here's Pugsley!
129 00:15:08 All right, son. That's enough.
130 00:15:12 They blow up so fast these days.
131 00:15:25 Don't make me come up there!
132 00:15:34 This is your last warning!
133 00:15:48 My head.
134 00:15:51 Pugsley, we're supposed to be working on your swordplay.
135 00:15:54 Your Sabre Mazurka is two weeks away,
136 00:15:57 and you've barely practiced at all.
137 00:15:59 So I missed one practice. What's the big deal?
138 00:16:01 The big deal?
139 00:16:03 The Sabre Mazurka is the most important day
140 00:16:05 in a young man's life.
141 00:16:07 It's what makes you an Addams.
142 00:16:08 It's the day your entire family gathers around you
143 00:16:11 and passes judgment on your worth as a human being.
144 00:16:15 I hear it's like Thanksgiving.
145 00:16:16 But swords are so old-fashioned.
146 00:16:19 I'm more of a demolitions man.
147 00:16:21 Explosives have no place in a Mazurka.
148 00:16:24 Hand them over.
149 00:16:29 All of them.
150 00:16:31 And the TNT.
151 00:16:33 And the M-80s.
152 00:16:35 Roman candles. Bang snaps. Holy Hand Grenades.
153 00:16:40 Son,
154 00:16:40 our family hasn't been all together in 13 years.
155 00:16:44 They are coming from all over the world
156 00:16:46 to see you on your special day.
157 00:16:49 I just want it to go perfectly.
158 00:16:52 All right, Pop. I'll practice.
159 00:16:54 That's my boy.
160 00:17:02 Putrid.
161 00:17:04 Horrifying.
162 00:17:05 I call spleen.
163 00:17:10 Wednesday.
164 00:17:11 Please, no ink stains on the table.
165 00:17:13 Yes, Mother.
166 00:17:18 Gomez, everyone we've invited
167 00:17:20 to the Mazurka has threatened to come.
168 00:17:22 I know. Isn't it wonderful?
169 00:17:26 All Addamses under one roof again.
170 00:17:29 Yes, but where will everyone sleep?
171 00:17:31 We'll have Lurch fix up the mausoleum.
172 00:17:33 It'll be like sleepaway camp.
173 00:17:36 Very well, darling.
174 00:17:42 Uncle Fester!
175 00:17:43 Brother!
176 00:17:48 Don't worry, I'm okay.
177 00:17:49 The plate glass window broke my fall.
178 00:17:54 Rick'em, rack'em, roar'em, buzz
179 00:17:55 Addams is as Addams does
180 00:18:00 I am thrilled you're here!
181 00:18:04 I'm not late, am I?
182 00:18:05 Actually, we weren't expecting you for another two weeks.
183 00:18:09 So, not late.
184 00:18:09 I apologize, darling.
185 00:18:11 You see, I asked Fester to come early
186 00:18:13 to help Pugsley with his Mazurka practice.
187 00:18:17 No! No!
188 00:18:18 Bad Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!
189 00:18:21 If I'd known you were coming,
190 00:18:22 I would have prepared the dungeon.
191 00:18:23 Please, don't worry. I'll sleep in the attic.
192 00:18:27 You won't even know I'm here.
193 00:18:28 I've practiced that move in a lot of people's homes.
194 00:18:34 Uncle, can you tell us what's beyond the gate?
195 00:18:41 Why ever would you ask that, dear?
196 00:18:43 I heard a strange noise in the fog earlier,
197 00:18:46 and I should like to investigate.
198 00:18:47 There's nothing out there but boring marshland.
199 00:18:49 There must be something. We never go anywhere.
200 00:18:53 Who knows the untold horrors we're missing out on.
201 00:18:55 Darling, we have all the horror we need, right here.
202 00:18:58 Uncle Fester can go wherever he likes.
203 00:19:01 Now, now, there are some restrictions.
204 00:19:03 You know, I can't go to the mall,
205 00:19:05 or a zoo, or a building...
206 00:19:08 When you're older,
207 00:19:08 you can travel to your heart's content.
208 00:19:10 But for now, it's safer for you here.
209 00:19:15 Socrates, come.
210 00:19:18 ...South America, Europe, China,
211 00:19:21 Asia, most parts of Africa.
212 00:19:24 I'm allowed in Antarctica!
213 00:19:38 You're watching Home, Art and Garden television.
214 00:19:44 The world's a big place, full of poor souls
215 00:19:47 who don't know the difference between shiplap and Shinola.
216 00:19:50 Well, I'm here to help.
217 00:19:53 I take your uninspired living space
218 00:19:56 and turn it into the perfect palace of your dreams.
219 00:19:59 No matter how outdated your design sense, I can help you.
220 00:20:04 My only flaw?
221 00:20:05 Sometimes I care too much.
222 00:20:08 I'm Margaux Needler,
223 00:20:10 and I'm about to stage a Design Intervention!
224 00:20:14 You're welcome in advance.
225 00:20:16 Today, we're putting the finishing touches
226 00:20:18 on our biggest project yet.
227 00:20:21 Assimilation.
228 00:20:22 We didn't just make over a house.
229 00:20:24 We made over a whole town!
230 00:20:28 And in just two weeks, on our live season finale,
231 00:20:31 you will be able to buy your very own piece of Assimilation.
232 00:20:34 That's right!
233 00:20:34 In a Design Intervention first,
234 00:20:36 we are putting a whole neighborhood up for sale.
235 00:20:40 This will be your chance to purchase the house of your dreams
236 00:20:43 in the town of your dreams!
237 00:20:45 Sounds good? I thought so.
238 00:20:48 Welcome to Assimilation, neighbor.
239 00:20:51 This program brought to you by Neighborhood Peeps.
240 00:20:54 Your neighbors are watching!
241 00:20:57 And, we're out!
242 00:20:59 Love it. Perfect.
243 00:21:00 Let's set up for the walk-through.
244 00:21:02 Margaux, did that feel good to you?
245 00:21:04 No, Glenn.
246 00:21:05 We need more balloons, more confetti.
247 00:21:07 - Roger that. - What are we selling here?
248 00:21:09 Big dreams. You know how you get big dreams?
249 00:21:12 With big ratings.
250 00:21:14 - Got it. - Double the balloons.
251 00:21:15 And I want a blizzard of confetti.
252 00:21:17 I want so much confetti that we need
253 00:21:18 snow patrols to find lost children.
254 00:21:20 I bet my home improvement empire on this town.
255 00:21:23 Every house must sell or we're out of business!
256 00:21:26 - It's got to be perfect! - Mom!
257 00:21:28 You're never gonna believe this.
258 00:21:30 What is it, Parker?
259 00:21:31 I found a creepy mansion up on the hill!
260 00:21:33 I'm so glad you're exploring, Parker,
261 00:21:35 but I don't have time to talk right now, sweetheart.
262 00:21:37 Mama needs to help people.
263 00:21:39 I need help. Aren't I people?
264 00:21:41 Oh, you're cute.
265 00:21:43 Don't you have Chipper 'N' Cheer practice this afternoon?
266 00:21:45 Run along, honey.
267 00:21:46 Now, Glenn, what are the numbers we're expecting?
268 00:21:48 - Well, if you look here... - Mom!
269 00:22:01 Left a bit. Up a bit.
270 00:22:04 Now, down a bit.
271 00:22:07 Perfect.
272 00:22:09 And three, two, one...
273 00:22:18 You made me miss!
274 00:22:20 Do you know how long it took for me to set this up?
275 00:22:24 Look, Pugsley...
276 00:22:26 Your Mazurka's coming up, and, well, you're not ready.
277 00:22:30 Even if I am the only one who sees it.
278 00:22:33 So, pay attention,
279 00:22:35 and you might actually get through this.
280 00:22:36 Wait.
281 00:22:38 You're going to help me?
282 00:22:41 Why?
283 00:22:42 Because you are my brother.
284 00:22:45 And... I love you.
285 00:22:54 All right. How are you gonna help me?
286 00:22:56 You see that hole over there?
287 00:22:58 Go stand beside it.
288 00:23:02 That hole?
289 00:23:03 That hole.
290 00:23:05 I don't get it.
291 00:23:23 Darling, not to criticize,
292 00:23:25 but is that really as tight as you can make it?
293 00:23:28 I'm sorry, Gomez.
294 00:23:29 I'm just a bit preoccupied with the Mazurka preparations.
295 00:23:32 Oh, I am as well!
296 00:23:35 I fear Pugsley is overconfident
297 00:23:37 and doesn't truly understand
298 00:23:39 the importance of this tradition.
299 00:23:42 Good news, everybody. Pugsley's gone.
300 00:23:44 Wednesday, I know that tone of voice.
301 00:23:46 Dig up your brother. At once.
302 00:23:48 You're weakening the gene pool.
303 00:23:50 Hold on.
304 00:23:51 What do you have there?
305 00:23:52 I'm not sure. I like it.
306 00:23:56 It's so... What's the word? The opposite of sad?
307 00:24:00 Darling, bring that to me.
308 00:24:05 Strange, there's usually a murderous clown
309 00:24:08 attached to the other end of these.
310 00:24:11 Wednesday, don't move!
311 00:24:13 What, in the name of all that is unholy, is that?
312 00:24:19 It tastes like cotton candy.
313 00:24:21 How do you know what cotton candy tastes like?
314 00:24:23 Tish, it was my youth. I made mistakes.
315 00:24:26 Wednesday, wherever did this pink thing come from?
316 00:24:29 Outside.
317 00:24:30 They're everywhere.
318 00:24:39 Strangest weather system I've ever seen.
319 00:24:48 What is that? Where's it coming from?
320 00:24:52 Wait, wait, wait.
321 00:24:53 The fog, it's lifting.
322 00:24:55 Well, that would only happen if...
323 00:24:57 Someone drained the marsh. But who?
324 00:25:03 A town. This is not good.
325 00:25:06 We must go down there
326 00:25:07 and introduce ourselves at once.
327 00:25:09 This day is becoming most wonderfully disruptive.
328 00:25:26 Let's keep going with the run-through, okay?
329 00:25:29 Welcome back.
330 00:25:30 I'm so delighted to show you my house.
331 00:25:32 You can own one just like it, just less large.
332 00:25:35 Blah, blah, blah. Sconces, crown molding.
333 00:25:38 Which leads us to what I call the Salon de Grandé.
334 00:25:41 Cross here, turn, and then say something like,
335 00:25:44 "Now, before I show you this view,
336 00:25:46 go to an antique store,
337 00:25:47 buy a chair, and reupholster it.
338 00:25:50 'Cause you're gonna wanna sit down for this."
339 00:25:55 What? What's the matter?
340 00:25:56 For heaven's sake, what's going on?
341 00:25:58 Do I have something in my teeth? What is it?
342 00:26:11 Not a single gargoyle.
343 00:26:12 Maybe this isn't such a bad thing.
344 00:26:14 We have been isolated here for a while.
345 00:26:16 I could really see myself dying here.
346 00:26:21 Play nice, Kitty.
347 00:26:23 Well, no one is running at us
348 00:26:25 with torches and pitchforks, so that's a plus.
349 00:26:29 You know, darling, I don't think we'll need
350 00:26:31 to put the family in the mausoleum.
351 00:26:33 They can stay here!
352 00:26:35 The family would never be comfortable.
353 00:26:37 It will be years
354 00:26:38 before rust and decay set in.
355 00:26:40 How you doing?
356 00:26:41 It's all so... different.
357 00:26:45 Pugsley, don't drink it all.
358 00:26:47 This gentleman wants some, too.
359 00:26:50 Sir, it's all right.
360 00:26:51 He's had all his shots!
361 00:26:53 What a nervous man.
362 00:26:55 Come on, Tish, let's explore the neighborhood.
363 00:26:58 I'm gonna pop in here for two minutes
364 00:27:00 and I'll meet you in the town square. Agreed?
365 00:27:02 Very well, darling.
366 00:27:05 Good day, all.
367 00:27:08 Don't let me interrupt your cup of joe
368 00:27:10 or whoever you have in there.
369 00:27:12 So, what's dark and bitter here other than yours truly?
370 00:27:17 We have the Madagascar Emerald Peaberry,
371 00:27:20 in a summer patchouli roast.
372 00:27:22 It has notes of oak, cherry, and yoga.
373 00:27:27 Hmm. You know, I'm looking for something a bit stronger.
374 00:27:32 Ah! Let me try that.
375 00:27:38 Mmm! Morticia, you have to try these coffee grounds.
376 00:27:40 They have a wonderful grit!
377 00:27:42 Just a moment, what am I hearing?
378 00:27:45 ♪ This is where we all belong, yeah ♪
379 00:27:47 ♪ Everybody come together ♪
380 00:27:49 ♪ Sing our song, sing our song ♪
381 00:27:52 ♪ Life is really perfect We are one big family, yeah ♪
382 00:27:55 ♪ Everything is so much better ♪
383 00:27:57 ♪ When I'm like you and you're like me ♪
384 00:28:01 ♪ What's so great about being yourself
385 00:28:04 ♪ When you can be like everyone else? ♪
386 00:28:08 Wow, that is absolutely horrible!
387 00:28:12 ♪ It's easy to be happy when you have no choice ♪
388 00:28:15 ♪ Yes, it's easy to be happy when you have no choice ♪
389 00:28:19 Hold on, unless I miss my guess here,
390 00:28:21 I believe that is supposed to be music.
391 00:28:24 They're greeting us with
392 00:28:25 one of their traditional songs.
393 00:28:26 Well, then, we ought to do the same.
394 00:28:28 Wonderful idea, Fester.
395 00:28:30 ♪ Isn't it great when we are all together? ♪
396 00:28:32 ♪ Say it again until you believe it ♪
397 00:28:36 ♪ I believe it ♪
398 00:28:38 ♪ We believe it ♪
399 00:28:44 ♪ I'd tip my hat to you ♪
400 00:28:46 ♪ I'd do just that ♪
401 00:28:48 ♪ Take it right off for you ♪
402 00:28:49 ♪ But I haven't got a hat ♪
403 00:28:52 ♪ I'm just a college boy, even at that ♪
404 00:28:56 ♪ I'd tip my hat to you ♪
405 00:28:57 ♪ But I haven't got a hat ♪
406 00:29:06 What? What'd I do?
407 00:29:07 How rude.
408 00:29:09 Gomez, we should return home.
409 00:29:11 Morticia, this is not the old country.
410 00:29:14 True, these people are a little different.
411 00:29:16 But deep down, we're all the same.
412 00:29:20 We have to give them a chance. Get to know them.
413 00:29:22 We have to win them over.
414 00:29:24 "Win them over"?
415 00:29:26 Well, good morning, neighbor!
416 00:29:29 Margaux Needler.
417 00:29:30 Gomez Addams. At your service.
418 00:29:34 My wife, Morticia.
419 00:29:35 Charmed.
420 00:29:36 Our children, Wednesday, Pugsley.
421 00:29:39 And my brother, Fester.
422 00:29:41 Hey, neighbor!
423 00:29:42 You know, we can see right into your windows?
424 00:29:44 Nice to meet you.
425 00:29:48 As your neighbor, I'd like to offer you
426 00:29:50 the opportunity of a lifetime.
427 00:29:52 How'd you like a free home makeover
428 00:29:54 from a world-renowned interior designer?
429 00:29:57 It will be a challenge,
430 00:29:58 but I can beautify that old house of yours so fast,
431 00:30:01 it'll make your head spin.
432 00:30:02 I don't wanna brag,
433 00:30:03 but mine already does that. Look.
434 00:30:08 I should like to see what this plastic woman has to offer.
435 00:30:11 Yes, well... When is a good time to stop by?
436 00:30:14 Actually, Ms. Needler...
437 00:30:17 Darling...
438 00:30:19 Stop by anytime you'd like.
439 00:30:21 Wonderful! Then it's settled.
440 00:30:23 I'll see you at your house, first thing tomorrow.
441 00:30:26 You're welcome in advance! Ta!
442 00:30:31 That woman seems deranged.
443 00:30:34 Her face reminds me of a death mask.
444 00:30:36 "Deranged"? "Death mask"?
445 00:30:38 You tell me she's got halitosis,
446 00:30:40 and I'm hearing wedding bells!
447 00:30:54 Pugsley, this is the Addams family saber.
448 00:30:59 300 years of Addams
449 00:31:02 have danced the Mazurka with this blade.
450 00:31:07 Only when you've shown me you're ready.
451 00:31:09 Your father was the greatest swordsman in Addams history.
452 00:31:15 His Mazurka was the stuff of legends.
453 00:31:18 So no pressure!
454 00:31:21 It's all right here, in the Mazurka handbook.
455 00:31:25 Every Addams performs this rite of passage
456 00:31:28 to show that you're prepared to defend your family.
457 00:31:32 It sounds easy, but believe me, it's insane!
458 00:31:35 Fester, hand him the goo-goo-ga-ga baby training sword.
459 00:31:40 Pop?
460 00:31:41 Has anyone ever failed the Mazurka?
461 00:31:43 Once. Your third cousin, Xander.
462 00:31:45 Never heard of him.
463 00:31:46 Exactly.
464 00:31:48 Music!
465 00:31:50 There's someone at the door.
466 00:31:52 Hi, guys. I'm going up to this creepy mansion.
467 00:31:56 If you don't hear from me in 30 minutes, send backup.
468 00:32:05 You rang?
469 00:32:14 Yeah, no.
470 00:32:15 Life's too short. See ya!
471 00:32:26 Good morning, Kitty.
472 00:32:28 Greetings, Ms. Needler.
473 00:32:34 Good morning! I hope this isn't a bad time.
474 00:32:38 The worst. Do come in.
475 00:32:40 Glenn?
476 00:32:44 Welcome to the neighborhood.
477 00:32:46 Thank you.
478 00:32:49 Oh, my!
479 00:32:51 Are you ready for your Margaux makeover?
480 00:32:54 Quite.
481 00:32:55 Pugsley's been climbing the walls in anticipation.
482 00:33:03 Well, well, well!
483 00:33:05 Let's take a look around, shall we?
484 00:33:07 And before you say anything, you're welcome.
485 00:33:10 Now, if we're trying for a more contemporary look,
486 00:33:14 well, these sconces have to go.
487 00:33:19 The sconces were a gift from dead relatives.
488 00:33:22 If we get rid of them,
489 00:33:23 they'll be terribly hurt the next time they visit.
490 00:33:28 And this is our whine cellar.
491 00:33:30 We have a lovely collection of whines.
492 00:33:33 - Are we there yet? - I want ice cream!
493 00:33:35 What do you mean you're out of avocado toast?
494 00:33:37 This barrel makes me look fat.
495 00:33:39 And here's our bottomless pit.
496 00:33:44 How do we get across?
497 00:33:45 One moment.
498 00:34:00 We call this surfing the web.
499 00:34:06 Well!
500 00:34:09 I'm scared.
501 00:34:09 I'm so scared.
502 00:34:11 Oh, my gosh.
503 00:34:14 I'm scared to close my eyes.
504 00:34:15 I'm scared to open them.
505 00:34:37 How do all those people fit in that little contraption?
506 00:34:41 My vanity mirror only imprisons 14 souls at a time.
507 00:34:46 You don't have a cell phone?
508 00:34:48 That's weird.
509 00:34:50 I may not have a cell phone...
510 00:34:52 Well, you don't have a crossbow,
511 00:34:54 and I thought everybody had one of those.
512 00:35:00 My name is Wednesday.
513 00:35:01 Okay.
514 00:35:03 I'm Parker. How long have you lived here?
515 00:35:06 My whole life. Which seems endless.
516 00:35:11 I've never seen you at school.
517 00:35:13 I'm cage-schooled.
518 00:35:14 - Excuse me? - It's terribly dull,
519 00:35:16 but my mother insists.
520 00:35:21 I'm actually cutting cage right now.
521 00:35:27 Okay.
522 00:35:28 So, what happens at your school?
523 00:35:31 Not much, just friends turning on each other.
524 00:35:33 Girls making other girls feel bad about themselves.
525 00:35:36 Typical junior high stuff.
526 00:35:38 Intriguing.
527 00:35:42 Can anyone go to your school?
528 00:35:44 I guess so. But who'd want to?
529 00:35:47 Wednesday!
530 00:35:49 Great shot!
531 00:36:07 Mr. and Mrs. Addams,
532 00:36:09 there's really not much to do to make this place perfect.
533 00:36:12 All we have to do is pull down the side walls,
534 00:36:16 and then also break down the other two walls.
535 00:36:20 Open up the ceiling by breaking it irreversibly.
536 00:36:24 Just get this nasty little floor out of the way,
537 00:36:27 and there you go.
538 00:36:28 With just those little touches...
539 00:36:31 Stop! Right there!
540 00:36:33 Don't touch another thing!
541 00:36:35 It's perfect. Ms. Needler, you have a gift.
542 00:36:39 The good news is I can have a makeover crew up here
543 00:36:42 and swinging hammers first thing in the morning.
544 00:36:44 What do you say?
545 00:36:46 We thought you were finished.
546 00:36:47 Our whole family is coming in two weeks.
547 00:36:49 Our finale!
548 00:36:51 Our finale is in two weeks.
549 00:36:53 Thank you, Glenn.
550 00:36:55 It's a gracious offer, Ms. Needler,
551 00:36:57 but you really have done enough.
552 00:36:58 It's our son's Mazurka. You understand.
553 00:37:02 Thank you.
554 00:37:08 We're missing Mitch.
555 00:37:09 Where's Mitch?
556 00:37:11 Get out!
557 00:37:16 Mitch who?
558 00:37:20 Gomez, I'll be blunt.
559 00:37:22 I have 50 houses to sell down there,
560 00:37:25 and their view of your property is, well,
561 00:37:29 off-brand.
562 00:37:31 - Fifty houses? - Yes.
563 00:37:34 You know, ever since my family
564 00:37:35 was chased out from the old country,
565 00:37:38 my one dream has been
566 00:37:40 to find a place we could call home.
567 00:37:43 Once they see Assimilation,
568 00:37:46 I think they'll want to stay for good.
569 00:37:50 Thank you so much for coming by, Membrane.
570 00:37:53 It's Margaux!
571 00:37:55 Well then, run, Margaux!
572 00:37:58 Run, run, run!
573 00:38:06 That Wednesday girl is a freak.
574 00:38:09 We're about to be invaded by a whole army of freaks.
575 00:38:12 It's tragic when people can't accept the help they so badly need.
576 00:38:16 And when that happens,
577 00:38:18 well, another kind of intervention is called for.
578 00:38:23 I agree, Gomez.
579 00:38:25 The whole family moving here would be a dream come true.
580 00:38:28 But I don't trust that Margaux woman.
581 00:38:30 She's an eccentric, darling, give her a chance.
582 00:38:34 "Rasp-berry preserves."
583 00:38:38 Must be some kind of scented embalming fluid.
584 00:38:43 Wednesday, practice your lurking on someone other than your father.
585 00:38:47 He's too easy.
586 00:38:51 Much better.
587 00:38:52 Mother, Father, I'd like to speak with you.
588 00:38:55 What's on your mind, my little nightcrawler?
589 00:38:57 I spoke with Parker this afternoon.
590 00:38:59 She's the daughter of that talking mannequin who came by.
591 00:39:03 She told me about a communal school
592 00:39:05 all the neighborhood children attend.
593 00:39:06 It's called "Junior high."
594 00:39:09 "Junior high"...
595 00:39:12 Yes, yes, I have read about those
596 00:39:14 in my abnormal psycholog journals.
597 00:39:17 Anyone of age can enroll.
598 00:39:19 I think it would be good for me.
599 00:39:23 Well, I think it's a capital idea.
600 00:39:25 What of your studies here?
601 00:39:26 Your taxidermy is coming along so well.
602 00:39:29 Mother, would you really deprive me
603 00:39:32 of the opportunity to torment children my own age?
604 00:39:35 Ah, she makes a point.
605 00:39:37 What's more, with Wednesday in school,
606 00:39:39 we'd get to know the people here even better.
607 00:39:42 Well, Mother?
608 00:39:58 Have a good day at school, dear.
609 00:40:02 Do your worst!
610 00:40:10 Ah. Now I understand. This is a children's prison.
611 00:40:16 Who's that?
612 00:40:19 Great.
613 00:40:21 This is Wednesday.
614 00:40:23 Hello.
615 00:40:25 Hey, Parker.
616 00:40:28 I got something for ya.
617 00:40:32 A moldy sandwich?
618 00:40:34 You're slipping, Bethany.
619 00:40:36 You know what? You're right.
620 00:40:39 Let's kick it up a notch.
621 00:40:48 You have no sense of humor!
622 00:40:52 - Did you see her face? - I know.
623 00:40:54 Bethany, is it?
624 00:40:56 Don't cut your eyes on my crew unless you're ready to dance.
625 00:41:00 What did you say, little ghoul?
626 00:41:05 I don't think you understand.
627 00:41:08 I'm not locked up in here with you, Bethany.
628 00:41:11 You're locked up in here with me.
629 00:41:19 Whatever.
630 00:41:22 What did you do?
631 00:41:24 You shouldn't have said that.
632 00:41:25 There's nothing you can do. Bethany's way too popular.
633 00:41:28 Popularity is fleeting.
634 00:41:30 I prefer to set my sights
635 00:41:32 on something a little more challenging.
636 00:41:34 Like what?
637 00:41:36 The establishment.
638 00:41:55 Let's see. Who shall I be today?
639 00:41:59 How about...
640 00:42:00 Ah, Shelly Longbottom, on Sugar Ridge Lane.
641 00:42:03 From Shelly Longbottom to everyone,
642 00:42:06 "Did you hear
643 00:42:08 about those Addams people?" Question mark.
644 00:42:12 "Someone told me they're wanted in 30 states."
645 00:42:19 You know they're raising a garden of man-eating plants?
646 00:42:21 And feeding them our pets!
647 00:42:23 Has anyone seen my Shih Tzu Fee-fee?
648 00:42:25 They're gonna turn us all into zombies.
649 00:42:27 Where are they from anyways?
650 00:42:29 It doesn't matter!
651 00:42:30 It's obvious they don't belong here.
652 00:42:32 Honey! Oh, those awful people up on the hill.
653 00:42:35 They're not even on Neighborhood Peeps!
654 00:42:37 Well, that's suspicious.
655 00:42:38 If other people are scared, then I'm scared.
656 00:42:40 I believe everything I read.
657 00:42:42 If someone posted it,
658 00:42:43 it must be true.
659 00:42:44 You invite one family in, then all the families come in.
660 00:42:46 Do you think we should investigate?
661 00:42:47 I'm turning grey.
662 00:42:48 I'm worried for the children!
663 00:42:51 We need to talk to Margaux!
664 00:42:55 Open your books. Page 43.
665 00:42:57 Follow the instructions.
666 00:43:00 Yuck.
667 00:43:01 I've done this thousands of times.
668 00:43:20 Flip the switch!
669 00:43:40 Give my creature life!
670 00:43:50 Live! Live, I tell you, live!
671 00:44:11 It's alive! It's alive!
672 00:44:32 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Get them off me!
673 00:44:44 Zombie frogs!
674 00:44:46 Bethany's changed her look.
675 00:44:48 It suits her.
676 00:44:49 Awesome. Totally awesome.
677 00:44:52 It is an honor...
678 00:44:53 ...and a privilege...
679 00:44:54 ...to watch you work.
680 00:44:57 Hey. Do you wanna go to the mall?
681 00:44:58 Why not? I haven't seen a good mauling in ages.
682 00:45:23 It's late. I'm worried.
683 00:45:26 Darling, Wednesday will be fine.
684 00:45:28 She can take care of herself.
685 00:45:30 It's not Wednesday I'm worried about.
686 00:45:32 It's the rest of them. We may need to provide an alibi.
687 00:45:35 My love, it's game night.
688 00:45:38 Wednesday will be home soon,
689 00:45:39 so why don't you come and join us?
690 00:45:42 Oh, very well. F-6.
691 00:45:45 Pugsley, you heard your mother.
692 00:45:47 Blow F-6!
693 00:45:51 Fire in the hole!
694 00:45:52 I'm king of the world!
695 00:45:54 ♪ Near, far, wherever... ♪
696 00:46:06 Yes!
697 00:46:07 You sunk my battleship.
698 00:46:09 Ha-ha! Well done, Pugsley!
699 00:46:20 Hello, my uglies!
700 00:46:22 Mother! I thought I felt my skin crawling!
701 00:46:27 Grandma, what a surprise.
702 00:46:29 I thought you were in Prague.
703 00:46:30 I was!
704 00:46:32 They caught me smuggling crocodiles out of the zoo.
705 00:46:34 But I escaped and talked my way
706 00:46:35 onto a Somali pirate ship.
707 00:46:38 We got into a heated poker game
708 00:46:39 and I cleaned them out.
709 00:46:42 - Cheating or robbery? - Both!
710 00:46:44 Always remember, Pugsley,
711 00:46:45 it ain't cheating if no one catches you.
712 00:46:49 I haven't bathed in two weeks. Ugh.
713 00:46:51 Or is it months?
714 00:46:53 Ha! That reminds me.
715 00:46:54 Guess what I've got, Pugsley?
716 00:46:56 - Candy! - Oh, yes!
717 00:46:59 But the Mazurka isn't for a week.
718 00:47:01 Why are you here so early?
719 00:47:02 Gomez said you needed a little help with the party.
720 00:47:05 And I said, I got my son ready for his Mazurka,
721 00:47:08 so of course, I'm going to do the same for my grandson.
722 00:47:12 I love him!
723 00:47:13 It's true! I sent for her!
724 00:47:15 I can't believe you bothered
725 00:47:17 your mother with that, darling.
726 00:47:19 Neither can I?
727 00:47:20 He said you were in over your head.
728 00:47:22 Thank you, Mother!
729 00:47:23 Said you were more tense than he's ever seen you.
730 00:47:25 - I didn't say that exactly. - Yes, you did.
731 00:47:28 You said that exactly.
732 00:47:30 Said he was worried you'd have a massive facial expression and...
733 00:47:33 You know, I'm starving! Let's eat!
734 00:47:35 Not until Wednesday gets home.
735 00:47:38 Where is that granddaughter of mine?
736 00:47:40 I got something for her!
737 00:47:44 Ah, there's my little storm cloud!
738 00:47:46 Wednesday, where have you been?
739 00:47:49 Elsewhere.
740 00:48:01 What are you wearing?
741 00:48:02 Parker calls it a pop of color.
742 00:48:05 While I certainly appreciate a horse
743 00:48:06 with a spear through its head,
744 00:48:07 the color is...
745 00:48:08 She claims it brings out my smile.
746 00:48:10 Wednesday, you don't have a smile.
747 00:48:13 Turns out I have a lot of things
748 00:48:15 you don't know about.
749 00:48:20 I see I got here just in time.
750 00:48:22 You were right to call, Gomez.
751 00:48:23 I'll talk to her. Hand me that bear trap.
752 00:48:26 Thank you, Grandma. But I will handle this.
753 00:48:30 Ah, suit yourself.
754 00:48:34 When you're done with Fabio, send him up to my room.
755 00:48:38 Oh, boy!
756 00:48:43 Wednesday.
757 00:48:44 How would you like to join me tomorrow
758 00:48:47 after the school for tea and séance in the cemetery?
759 00:48:51 Is attendance mandatory?
760 00:48:53 Come now, my little raven.
761 00:48:55 You did so love it when you were younger.
762 00:48:57 If you like, Mother.
763 00:49:01 Sleep well, dear.
764 00:49:03 Don't forget to kick your father good night.
765 00:49:10 What's your favorite filter?
766 00:49:12 I don't know.
767 00:49:12 I look black and white in all of them.
768 00:49:15 You know, when I met you,
769 00:49:16 I thought you were super weird.
770 00:49:18 But now, I think you're really cool.
771 00:49:20 I concur.
772 00:49:21 You're not completely devoid of merit yourself.
773 00:49:23 I wanna say "Thank you"...
774 00:49:28 Oh, how'd that barrette
775 00:49:29 you bought yesterday go over at home?
776 00:49:31 Actually, my mother's reaction was, well, unexpected.
777 00:49:35 She was accepting. It depressed me.
778 00:49:38 One never wants to see one's mother that way.
779 00:49:42 But I must admit,
780 00:49:43 walking around in something so garish, so grotesque...
781 00:49:48 I was shocked how thrilling it felt.
782 00:49:51 I wish I could do that.
783 00:49:52 But my mom makes me wear this stuff,
784 00:49:54 and it's just so...
785 00:49:56 I believe the word you're looking for is "Unfortunate."
786 00:50:01 Ugh. I'd love to just go crazy
787 00:50:04 and wear something that would shock her.
788 00:50:08 Well, Parker,
789 00:50:09 you're in luck.
790 00:50:10 You happen to be talking to the queen of shock.
791 00:50:34 Hello, Mother.
792 00:50:35 Where's my little wraith?
793 00:50:38 Wednesday still hasn't arrived.
794 00:50:40 We agreed to come up here for tea and séance,
795 00:50:42 and now it seems she stood me up.
796 00:50:44 Morticia! Can you hear me?
797 00:50:47 You're not doing it right.
798 00:50:48 - Press that button there. - I did! I did!
799 00:50:50 Did you hear it click?
800 00:50:50 Morticia!
801 00:50:51 It's supposed to be on
802 00:50:52 - when you hear the click. - Wait, I see something.
803 00:50:54 You did it! Hello, darling!
804 00:50:56 Now, where's my granddaughter?
805 00:50:57 Just what I said.
806 00:50:59 I think she's distancing herself from me.
807 00:51:01 Oh, she's wrapped in a black hole
808 00:51:03 of emptiness and longing,
809 00:51:04 like all of us Frump women.
810 00:51:05 - Wednesday? - It's not Wednesday!
811 00:51:08 - Who's this? - It's me, Father.
812 00:51:10 Morticia?
813 00:51:11 What's wrong with you now?
814 00:51:13 The world can be so cruel.
815 00:51:16 And all she wants to do is run toward it.
816 00:51:18 She's a lot like you that way.
817 00:51:20 You wanted to see the world.
818 00:51:21 Find yourself. Serve time!
819 00:51:24 Listen, Morticia, remember the time
820 00:51:26 you ran away and joined the Girl Scouts?
821 00:51:30 We were so worried you were on a bad path.
822 00:51:33 But when you found out that campfires
823 00:51:35 were for roasting marshmallows and not other Girl Scouts,
824 00:51:39 well, you got bored and you came home.
825 00:51:41 We were so relieved.
826 00:51:43 Trust Wednesday.
827 00:51:45 Like you, she'll do the right thing.
828 00:51:48 Thank you, Father. That's most comforting.
829 00:51:51 Good. Wait a second.
830 00:51:53 When did I die?
831 00:51:55 20 years ago.
832 00:51:56 Oh, right. Happy anniversary, darling.
833 00:51:59 All right, Pugsley, let's, uh, go through it again.
834 00:52:03 You got this, Pugsley. This Mazurka's nothing.
835 00:52:07 You eat swords for breakfast.
836 00:52:10 You just got a case of pre-ball jitters.
837 00:52:13 It's way more common than you think.
838 00:52:15 If a Mazurka lasts for more than four hours,
839 00:52:18 contact your doctor.
840 00:52:21 From the top. Music!
841 00:52:38 Pugsley,
842 00:52:39 I can honestly say
843 00:52:40 that was most definitely a thing you did.
844 00:52:45 A question, what in heaven's name was it?
845 00:52:48 The Sabre Mazurka.
846 00:52:52 You know what? You've been practicing hard.
847 00:52:54 Why don't we call it a day?
848 00:52:56 Hit the showers, kid.
849 00:52:58 So, we're finished?
850 00:53:00 Ah, yes.
851 00:53:01 Yes, son. We are most certainly finished.
852 00:53:05 Okay. Thanks, Pop.
853 00:53:07 Thanks, Uncle Fester.
854 00:53:13 This is a complete disaster! How did this happen?
855 00:53:17 And he's going to make a fool of himself
856 00:53:18 in front of everyone!
857 00:53:19 Gomez, you gotta calm down!
858 00:53:21 There's still a day to get him ready!
859 00:53:23 Fester, a year wouldn't be enough to get him ready.
860 00:53:27 I've failed him, Fester.
861 00:53:29 I tried to raise him to be an Addams, but I failed.
862 00:53:34 They're going to eat him alive.
863 00:53:39 ♪ I like it like that. Ooh, baby ♪
864 00:53:42 ♪ I said I like it like that ♪
865 00:53:45 ♪ Ooh, baby, I like it like that ♪
866 00:53:48 All right. Thank you.
867 00:53:50 Grandma, we already have a band.
868 00:53:53 They came highly recommended from the mortuary.
869 00:53:57 I'm sure they're good.
870 00:53:58 My sister Sloom is going to be judging Pugsley.
871 00:54:01 And if things aren't done the traditional way,
872 00:54:03 she won't be happy,
873 00:54:05 and the Mazurka could be a disaster!
874 00:54:07 But what do I know?
875 00:54:10 Fine.
876 00:54:10 Yay, we got the gig!
877 00:54:12 We got it!
878 00:54:13 Ah, one more thing...
879 00:54:15 Oh, someone's at the door. I'd better go see who it is.
880 00:54:25 ♪ What's so great about being yourself ♪
881 00:54:29 ♪ When you can be like everyone else? ♪
882 00:54:33 Do not speak to your mother that way.
883 00:54:35 How dare you enter this house like that.
884 00:54:38 Wait, where are your tattoos?
885 00:54:42 Oh, thank the stars!
886 00:54:44 - Where were you? - Hanging out with Parker.
887 00:54:46 Is this why you skipped tea and séance?
888 00:54:49 Your grandparents were trying to contact you.
889 00:54:51 Holy Hades!
890 00:54:52 Whoever did that to you, Wednesday,
891 00:54:54 I hope the other guy looks worse.
892 00:54:57 Nobody did this to me. This is my new look.
893 00:55:00 Do you like it?
894 00:55:00 I do not like it.
895 00:55:02 Everyone knows pink is a gateway color.
896 00:55:04 I warned you about sending her to public school.
897 00:55:07 Don't worry.
898 00:55:08 Wednesday is never going to that school again.
899 00:55:10 - What? - In fact,
900 00:55:11 she's never leaving this house again.
901 00:55:17 Wow, that's some evil eye she's got there.
902 00:55:19 No, that dead-eye stare is new.
903 00:55:23 And I think I know where she got it.
904 00:55:25 Hey, guys, this is me now.
905 00:55:27 If you like it, hit "Like,"
906 00:55:29 but who cares if you like it.
907 00:55:31 I'm living my truth.
908 00:55:33 Parker?
909 00:55:35 - Who did this to you? - I did.
910 00:55:38 This is my new look, Mother.
911 00:55:40 I decided that from now on, I choose my clothes, not you.
912 00:55:45 This is that little creep Wednesday Addams' work!
913 00:55:48 She's not a creep. She's just not like you.
914 00:55:51 Why can't you ever let people be different?
915 00:55:53 Because it's my calling to make everyone the same.
916 00:55:58 Too bright! It burns!
917 00:56:01 Good! Maybe it'll burn away the weird!
918 00:56:04 I hate it here!
919 00:56:05 Everything's boring and fake and bright,
920 00:56:07 like plastic flowers!
921 00:56:09 Like you!
922 00:56:10 Parker! Plastic flowers live forever.
923 00:56:15 Now, you go think about that in your room.
924 00:56:17 With no social media.
925 00:56:19 No! Please, no. Anything but that!
926 00:56:22 Now go wipe that depressing goop off your face.
927 00:56:25 You first!
928 00:56:27 Those Addamses have gone too far this time.
929 00:56:31 I think they're going to need a little more help.
930 00:56:53 Where are you going?
931 00:56:54 A friend's.
932 00:56:56 I hold people prisoner, not the other way around.
933 00:57:00 Good luck with your Mazurka.
934 00:57:02 Wait, you're leaving?
935 00:57:05 Who's gonna torment me every day?
936 00:57:07 Living under this roof is all the torment you'll need.
937 00:57:10 Besides, our parents have made it clear
938 00:57:12 that the only way to be accepted in this family
939 00:57:15 is to be exactly like them.
940 00:57:18 I can't play by those rules anymore.
941 00:57:20 Farewell, brother Pugsley.
942 00:57:22 Tomorrow, you become a man.
943 00:57:25 And I become a fugitive.
944 00:57:29 Always kinda knew it'd end up like this.
945 00:57:32 Just didn't think it'd be so soon.
946 00:57:34 I'll never forget you, Pugsley!
947 00:57:37 But I'll try.
948 00:57:39 Pugsley, have you seen your sister?
949 00:57:42 She's not in her room.
950 00:57:45 Pugsley. Where's Wednesday?
951 00:57:51 Tick, tock, tick, tock, Mother.
952 00:57:55 You're getting very sleepy.
953 00:57:58 Pugsley...
954 00:57:59 She did not go to her friend's house.
955 00:58:03 She went to her friend's house?
956 00:58:05 I repeat, she did not go to her friend's...
957 00:58:35 Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.
958 00:58:35 ♪ When the day is long ♪
959 00:58:40 ♪ And the night ♪
960 00:58:43 ♪ The night is yours alone ♪
961 00:58:51 ♪ When you're sure - you've had enough - ♪
962 00:58:56 ♪ of this life ♪
963 00:59:00 ♪ Hang on ♪
964 00:59:06 ♪ Don't let yourself go ♪
965 00:59:14 ♪ 'Cause everybody cries ♪
966 00:59:21 ♪ And everybody hurts ♪
967 00:59:27 ♪ Sometimes ♪
968 00:59:30 I shall be staying with you for a while.
969 00:59:33 ♪ Everybody hurts ♪
970 00:59:41 If this doesn't work,
971 00:59:42 the next house we flip is gonna land on you.
972 00:59:44 Marty, listen to me.
973 00:59:45 Tomorrow, our finale will be the biggest half hour
974 00:59:48 your network has ever aired.
975 00:59:50 There's just one more thing to take care of.
976 00:59:52 This better be good or you won't be able
977 00:59:53 to get a job as a doormat.
978 00:59:55 Yes, yes, yes.
979 00:59:56 I intend to bring the house down.
980 01:00:13 Drop It Like It's Hot- Pharrell Williams
981 01:00:13 ♪ When the pimp's in the crib ma ♪
982 01:00:15 ♪ Drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot ♪
983 01:00:17 ♪ Drop it like it's hot ♪
984 01:00:18 ♪ When the pigs try to get at you ♪
985 01:00:20 ♪ Park it like it's hot. Park it like it's hot ♪
986 01:00:23 ♪ Park it like it's hot ♪
987 01:00:24 ♪ And if a... get a attitude ♪
988 01:00:25 ♪ Pop it like it's hot. Pop it like it's hot ♪
989 01:00:28 ♪ Pop it like it's hot ♪
990 01:00:29 ♪ I got the Rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon ♪
991 01:00:32 ♪ And I roll the best... 'cause I got it going on ♪
992 01:00:40 You rang?
993 01:00:44 It. Cousin. You made it!
994 01:00:47 Please, come in. Make yourself at home.
995 01:00:52 Where did she hide my phone?
996 01:00:54 I haven't been able
997 01:00:55 to post a photo of my lunch in almost three days!
998 01:00:58 And what about in there?
999 01:01:00 That's my mom's crafting room.
1000 01:01:02 No one is allowed in there.
1001 01:01:05 Then that's where it is.
1002 01:01:14 Weird.
1003 01:01:29 Hidden depths.
1004 01:01:31 What is this?
1005 01:01:33 There's Mr. Haney making a sandwich.
1006 01:01:36 And that guy trying to put a tiny tuxedo on his cat.
1007 01:01:39 - Sit still! - That's Mr. Flynn.
1008 01:01:40 Why are you being so difficult?
1009 01:01:41 - Trying to make you look handsome. - My money's on the cat.
1010 01:01:43 And there's our science teacher, Ms. Gravely,
1011 01:01:46 putting her underwear in the freezer?
1012 01:01:49 My mom must have built hidden cameras
1013 01:01:52 into all of the houses.
1014 01:01:54 She really is psycho.
1015 01:01:56 - Parker! - Whoa!
1016 01:01:59 Hey, Mom.
1017 01:02:00 We were just looking for you.
1018 01:02:03 What have I told you about Mommy's crafting room?
1019 01:02:08 Sorry to do this, but standards must be upheld.
1020 01:02:11 Parker, someday you'll understand, and, Wednesday...
1021 01:02:14 Well, anyway, Parker.
1022 01:02:20 My mom has a lair and a jail?
1023 01:02:23 I knew I should have picked to live with my dad.
1024 01:02:25 We're gonna be on TV!
1025 01:02:27 Are we gonna be famous?
1026 01:02:29 Glenn, what do you want in the frame?
1027 01:02:30 Okay, everyone, listen up.
1028 01:02:32 It's the last run-through before the finale,
1029 01:02:34 so let's try this one last time, okay?
1030 01:02:36 We're gonna shoot across the town square to the gazebo
1031 01:02:39 where Margaux will make her grand entrance.
1032 01:02:41 So everyone will be walking this direction
1033 01:02:43 across the square.
1034 01:02:45 Judy, you start here,
1035 01:02:46 Ken, you're gonna follow Judy.
1036 01:02:48 You can stand right here and...
1037 01:02:52 Uh, is there a bathroom nearby?
1038 01:02:59 Margaux, they're here!
1039 01:03:01 What are you talking about?
1040 01:03:02 They're here!
1041 01:03:04 The Addams family!
1042 01:03:16 Pardon me.
1043 01:03:19 Excuse me.
1044 01:03:21 What are we gonna do?
1045 01:03:22 What we always do, Glenn. Help people.
1046 01:03:27 "The Addams monsters are planning
1047 01:03:30 to attack the town tonight!"
1048 01:03:33 Exclamation point.
1049 01:03:35 "Meet at Margaux's house now."
1050 01:03:45 Salutations, Addams. We're here!
1051 01:03:48 Petunia, I love what you've done with your hair.
1052 01:03:52 Thanks, I just had it mowed.
1053 01:03:54 Please, come in. Make yourself uncomfortable.
1054 01:03:56 Uncle Onion!
1055 01:03:59 It's been so long!
1056 01:04:00 Yes, so disappointed to see you.
1057 01:04:03 You always manage to bring a tear to my eye!
1058 01:04:07 Greetings, Dr. Flambe! How you doing?
1059 01:04:10 - I'm on fire! - Good!
1060 01:04:12 This party's gonna be lit!
1061 01:04:14 Auntie Sloom.
1062 01:04:16 Auntie Sloom!
1063 01:04:18 You are as radiant as a barrel of nuclear waste.
1064 01:04:23 Where is the boy?
1065 01:04:26 Pugsley?
1066 01:04:28 There you are.
1067 01:04:29 Come down and say hello to your Auntie Sloom.
1068 01:04:35 Gomez, this tradition is not to be taken lightly.
1069 01:04:39 I trust that the boy has been properly trained.
1070 01:04:43 Yes, once you see how we've...
1071 01:04:45 It's bad enough this Mazurka is taking place in New Jersey.
1072 01:04:49 Now, where are the dregs? I'm thirsty.
1073 01:04:52 You've seen them!
1074 01:04:54 You've heard the stories on Neighborhood Peeps!
1075 01:04:58 Those Addams aren't people, they're monsters!
1076 01:05:02 And now, there's an infestation of them!
1077 01:05:05 They're here to destroy our beautiful community
1078 01:05:08 and turn it into a place that no Design Intervention can save!
1079 01:05:12 Addams aren't wanted here!
1080 01:05:14 They're monsters! They're all monsters!
1081 01:05:16 We need to destroy them first!
1082 01:05:19 Who's with me?
1083 01:05:22 We'll be revealing Assimilation
1084 01:05:23 and all of you to our audience in just an hour.
1085 01:05:25 Our last chance to help these people is now.
1086 01:05:29 Bill, John, do you still have that lovely catapult?
1087 01:05:33 Yes, we do!
1088 01:05:34 Are you sure about this?
1089 01:05:36 We can't let them ruin our neighborhood!
1090 01:05:38 Let's do it!
1091 01:05:39 I want them out!
1092 01:05:43 No one torments my family but me.
1093 01:05:45 Hair clip, please.
1094 01:05:48 Okay.
1095 01:05:58 Cage school 101.
1096 01:06:02 He'd better be ready
1097 01:06:03 or Auntie Sloom will have his head!
1098 01:06:05 He looks very small.
1099 01:06:06 That kid's got some big shoes to fill.
1100 01:06:08 I certainly hope the boy's ready.
1101 01:06:10 Well, I'm not going easy on him.
1102 01:06:22 Heads up.
1103 01:06:25 Alto, you're flat.
1104 01:06:32 Sloom.
1105 01:06:33 - Sister. - Darling, I...
1106 01:06:36 I know the last time we saw each other,
1107 01:06:37 we had that horrible fight.
1108 01:06:39 And I just wanted to tell you, from the bottom of my heart,
1109 01:06:43 I won that fight! And I was glad I cheated!
1110 01:06:45 You won? Still a sore loser, as always!
1111 01:06:49 I want a rematch! Right here! Right now!
1112 01:06:52 Auntie Sloom? Can I get you anything?
1113 01:06:55 When's the Mazurka?
1114 01:06:56 Soon, soon.
1115 01:06:58 Our daughter Wednesday isn't here yet.
1116 01:07:00 If your daughter can't be on time,
1117 01:07:02 then we will begin without her!
1118 01:07:05 Very well, Auntie Sloom.
1119 01:07:11 Attention, please. Attention!
1120 01:07:17 The hour is upon us.
1121 01:07:20 Places!
1122 01:07:35 We gather today to witness my son,
1123 01:07:39 Pugsley Addams,
1124 01:07:41 perform his Sabre Mazurka.
1125 01:08:06 He will begin with a reading from the Terror,
1126 01:08:10 which commemorates our cries in battle.
1127 01:08:35 And now, the transition into manhood.
1128 01:08:57 And now, the Sabre Mazurka.
1129 01:09:08 Hold still.
1130 01:09:11 The Addams mustache.
1131 01:09:14 Now you're ready.
1132 01:10:26 Pugsley?
1133 01:10:30 I give up.
1134 01:10:31 I can't do it, Pop.
1135 01:10:38 I'm sorry.
1136 01:10:41 I let you down.
1137 01:10:43 You haven't let me down, Pugsley.
1138 01:10:47 I let you down.
1139 01:10:48 I was so focused on doing things the traditional way,
1140 01:10:52 I forgot to let you be who you are.
1141 01:11:00 Are ya ready for your Margaux makeover now?
1142 01:11:04 It's Margaux.
1143 01:11:05 She must have turned the whole town
1144 01:11:06 into stark raving lunatics.
1145 01:11:08 Well, I have to admit, I admire her work.
1146 01:11:10 Let's do this thing!
1147 01:11:11 It's locked and loaded, Margaux.
1148 01:11:14 Let's go get 'em! We've had enough!
1149 01:11:16 Fire!
1150 01:11:22 Get out!
1151 01:11:33 Pugsley!
1152 01:11:34 What is the true meaning of the Mazurka?
1153 01:11:37 It's about protecting our family
1154 01:11:39 from those who would do us harm!
1155 01:11:42 Go ahead. Show 'em what you're good at.
1156 01:11:50 All we have to do is pull down the side walls!
1157 01:11:54 My Family - Migos, Karol G,Snoop Dogg & Rock Mafia
1158 01:11:54 ♪ You shouldn't mess with me ♪
1159 01:11:55 ♪ You don't wanna mess with me ♪
1160 01:11:58 ♪ 'Cause if you mess with me you're messing with my family ♪
1161 01:12:05 Everyone, follow my boy!
1162 01:12:13 Hey, guys!
1163 01:12:31 ♪ You might think that we are all loco ♪
1164 01:12:40 ♪ But this family is about to go global ♪
1165 01:12:49 Fire!
1166 01:12:53 Shakalaka bang, baby!
1167 01:13:03 Quick! Out this way!
1168 01:13:09 Pop, I'm out of ammo!
1169 01:13:13 We're trapped!
1170 01:13:36 Hope I'm not crashing the party.
1171 01:13:38 Wednesday!
1172 01:13:39 Yeah!
1173 01:13:40 Ichabod, quick, lower your branches!
1174 01:13:45 Everyone, grab on!
1175 01:14:10 Margaux Needler never stops
1176 01:14:12 until the project is complete.
1177 01:14:18 Fire in the hole!
1178 01:14:22 Mazurka!
1179 01:14:26 Is everyone all right?
1180 01:14:28 No limbs missing that weren't missing before you arrived?
1181 01:14:37 My little raven, I'm so happy you returned.
1182 01:14:41 Of course I came back.
1183 01:14:42 I knew there was no way
1184 01:14:43 you were going to save yourselves.
1185 01:14:45 You are like weak baby squirrels.
1186 01:15:00 Socrates.
1187 01:15:04 Eight legs, nine lives.
1188 01:15:09 You were right, cara mia.
1189 01:15:12 People can be cruel.
1190 01:15:15 What have we done?
1191 01:15:16 They're just a family.
1192 01:15:18 A family?
1193 01:15:20 Please! They're a bunch of monsters!
1194 01:15:22 Don't go soft on me, people.
1195 01:15:24 I will relish hounding you
1196 01:15:26 until that nuclear waste dump of a house is gone
1197 01:15:28 and your mutant family along with it!
1198 01:15:31 Be careful what you wish for, Ms. Needler.
1199 01:15:34 My family and I will never run from the likes of you again.
1200 01:15:44 Deep breath, Margaux.
1201 01:15:46 Okay, I have a finale to shoot.
1202 01:15:48 Parker, let's go.
1203 01:15:49 I'm not going anywhere with you.
1204 01:15:52 I'm staying with my friend.
1205 01:15:53 Your friend?
1206 01:15:54 Parker, these people are freaks.
1207 01:15:56 If they're freaks, then I'm a freak.
1208 01:15:58 And so are all of you.
1209 01:16:00 Exhibit A.
1210 01:16:01 Ms. Gravely, you put your underwear in the freezer.
1211 01:16:05 It's refreshing, okay?
1212 01:16:07 Exhibit B. Trudy Pickering.
1213 01:16:09 You sit on the toilet backwards.
1214 01:16:11 Well, where else am I supposed to put my arms?
1215 01:16:14 Wait, how did you know that?
1216 01:16:16 Because your houses have been infested with Needler-Vision.
1217 01:16:20 She has hidden cameras everywhere.
1218 01:16:23 - What? - And watches you all of the time.
1219 01:16:27 - In my private time? - That is creepy, actually.
1220 01:16:28 - What else has she seen? - That is over the line!
1221 01:16:32 Shut up!
1222 01:16:32 Listen, you lemmings! This is my town.
1223 01:16:36 You are nothing but a bunch of extras.
1224 01:16:38 We are going to march down that hill and do a live show.
1225 01:16:42 I expect you to convince
1226 01:16:44 those brainless peons out there in the audience
1227 01:16:46 that this is the perfect place to buy a house,
1228 01:16:49 or none of you will be living here much longer.
1229 01:16:52 - Do you hear me? - Actually, Mom,
1230 01:16:54 everyone can hear you.
1231 01:16:55 You've been live this whole time.
1232 01:16:58 Three million people are watching you right now.
1233 01:17:01 The real you, for a change.
1234 01:17:03 Please, what do I care what a bunch of bloggers think?
1235 01:17:06 - Margaux? - What?
1236 01:17:07 It's the network.
1237 01:17:09 They're taking your show off the air.
1238 01:17:11 What?
1239 01:17:12 No. I'll be... I'll be bankrupt.
1240 01:17:15 Who will buy all these houses?
1241 01:17:16 Okay, watch this. Now's my chance.
1242 01:17:19 Excuse me, I just tooted.
1243 01:17:23 Furthermore,
1244 01:17:24 I think I can help you get rid of those houses.
1245 01:17:27 What are you talking about?
1246 01:17:28 Well, my dear,
1247 01:17:29 you've got a bunch of houses you need to get rid of,
1248 01:17:31 and I've got a bunch of family I need to get rid of.
1249 01:17:35 Hello?
1250 01:17:36 Excuse me. I'm Trudy.
1251 01:17:39 Trudy Pickering. We... We never officially met...
1252 01:17:43 Yes. The toilet woman.
1253 01:17:46 Right.
1254 01:17:47 Listen, please, give us a chance to make it right.
1255 01:17:52 Let us have our own design intervention.
1256 01:17:57 Mother, I spent time with these people,
1257 01:18:00 and it is true, they are odd.
1258 01:18:04 But we shouldn't judge them
1259 01:18:05 just because they're different.
1260 01:18:30 - Have a wonderful day! - And there you are.
1261 01:18:32 - Bye-bye. - Thanks! Bye!
1262 01:18:40 Well, hello there!
1263 01:18:42 Howdy, neighbor. How's the new house?
1264 01:18:45 I love it. I hope you brought your umbrellas.
1265 01:18:48 You put in a typhoon. What a great idea.
1266 01:18:52 Don't forget the gift basket, silly.
1267 01:18:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1268 01:18:55 We got scented embalming fluid,
1269 01:18:57 toes, teeth, a fruitcake,
1270 01:19:00 rat bait, got some dried apricots...
1271 01:19:04 He's like training a puppy, adorable but tiresome.
1272 01:19:07 She's the woman of my dreams!
1273 01:19:09 Her breath is like a baby's diaper.
1274 01:19:13 Fester, stop!
1275 01:19:14 Who would have thought a guy like me, a total zero,
1276 01:19:18 would have ended up with you, an also zero?
1277 01:19:21 Well, do come in!
1278 01:19:26 Now, with the house rebuilt, Pugsley,
1279 01:19:29 we can throw you the celebration you deserve!
1280 01:19:34 You are Addams through and through.
1281 01:19:56 Get out!
1282 01:20:01 How lovely. The spirit's home.
1283 01:20:04 Finally, back to normal.
1284 01:20:13 We did good.
1285 01:20:14 I won't tell anyone if you don't.
1286 01:20:37 Addams Family Theme - HeathisHuman
1287 01:20:37 ♪ They're creepy and they're kooky ♪
1288 01:20:39 ♪ Mysterious and spooky ♪
1289 01:20:41 ♪ They're altogether ooky ♪
1290 01:20:43 ♪ The Addams family ♪
1291 01:20:45 ♪ Their house is a museum ♪
1292 01:20:47 ♪ Where people come to see 'em ♪
1293 01:20:49 ♪ They really are a scream ♪
1294 01:20:51 ♪ The Addams family ♪
1295 01:20:54 Neat.
1296 01:20:56 Sweet.
1297 01:21:00 Petite.
1298 01:21:01 ♪ So get a witch's shawl on ♪
1299 01:21:03 ♪ A broomstick you can crawl on ♪
1300 01:21:05 ♪ We're gonna pay a call on ♪
1301 01:21:07 ♪ The Addams family ♪
1302 01:21:12 My Family - Migos, Karol G,Snoop Dogg & Rock Mafia
1303 01:21:12 ♪ Family, family ♪
1304 01:21:13 ♪ I'd go to war for my family ♪
1305 01:21:15 ♪ Ups and downs, wrong or right, it's family ♪
1306 01:21:19 ♪ They think that we crazy ♪
1307 01:21:20 ♪ They say that we crazy, can't handle it ♪
1308 01:21:22 ♪ My back on the wall ♪
1309 01:21:24 ♪ Who I'mma call, my family ♪
1310 01:21:26 ♪ We different, ♪
1311 01:21:27 ♪ we stick out wig out, bug out ♪
1312 01:21:30 ♪ Pop out, hop out go ♪
1313 01:21:31 ♪ Ball out, show out ♪
1314 01:21:33 ♪ A'ight, this a party ♪
1315 01:21:34 ♪ Let's not make a problem. No! ♪
1316 01:21:36 ♪ Why you looking at me like there's something, tell me ♪
1317 01:21:40 ♪ You should know it's not just me that you'll be rubbing ♪
1318 01:21:43 ♪ The wrong way, so you better think twice ♪
1319 01:21:47 ♪ You shouldn't mess with me ♪
1320 01:21:49 ♪ You don't want to mess with me ♪
1321 01:21:50 ♪ 'Cause if you mess with me ♪
1322 01:21:52 ♪ You're messing with my family ♪
1323 01:21:54 ♪ You shouldn't mess with me ♪
1324 01:21:56 ♪ You don't want to mess with me. No! ♪
1325 01:21:58 ♪ 'Cause if you mess with me ♪
1326 01:21:59 ♪ You're messing with my family ♪
1327 01:22:04 ♪ You might think that we are all loco ♪
1328 01:22:10 ♪ Don't mess with my family ♪
1329 01:22:11 ♪ But this family about to go global ♪
1330 01:22:14 ♪ We blowin' up! ♪
1331 01:22:15 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1332 01:22:18 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1333 01:22:36 ♪ Don't mess with my family ♪
1334 01:22:37 ♪ A'ight, this a party. Let's not make a problem ♪
1335 01:22:40 ♪ No! Why you looking at me like there's something, tell me ♪
1336 01:22:44 ♪ You should know it's not just me ♪
1337 01:22:45 ♪ that you'll be rubbing the wrong way ♪
1338 01:22:47 ♪ So you better think twice ♪
1339 01:22:51 ♪ You shouldn't mess with me ♪
1340 01:22:52 ♪ You don't wanna mess with me ♪
1341 01:22:54 ♪ 'Cause if you mess with me ♪
1342 01:22:55 ♪ You're messing with my family ♪
1343 01:22:58 ♪ You shouldn't mess with me ♪
1344 01:22:59 ♪ You don't wanna mess with me ♪
1345 01:23:01 ♪ 'Cause if you mess with me, ♪
1346 01:23:02 ♪ you're messing with my family ♪
1347 01:23:07 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1348 01:23:09 ♪ You're messing with my family ♪
1349 01:23:14 ♪ Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1350 01:23:17 ♪ Don't mess with my family. No! ♪
1351 01:23:22 ♪ You might think that we are all loco ♪
1352 01:23:29 ♪ But this family about to go global ♪
1353 01:23:33 ♪ They say that we mean (Mean) ♪
1354 01:23:35 ♪ They say that we rude (Rude) ♪
1355 01:23:36 ♪ They say we got problems (Problems) ♪
1356 01:23:38 ♪ But we say it's cool ♪
1357 01:23:40 ♪ Family, family ♪
1358 01:23:42 ♪ I'd go to war for my family ♪
1359 01:23:44 ♪ Ups and downs wrong or right, it's family ♪
1360 01:23:50 ♪ You might think that we are all loco ♪
1361 01:23:53 ♪ Don't mess with my family ♪
1362 01:23:57 ♪ But this family is about to go global ♪
1363 01:24:09 Haunted Heart - Christina Aguilera
1364 01:24:09 ♪ There's no bell ♪
1365 01:24:10 ♪ When you call for me ♪
1366 01:24:13 ♪ You'll be falling for miles ♪
1367 01:24:17 ♪ I'm bewitched by your misery ♪
1368 01:24:22 ♪ But I love it when you smile ♪
1369 01:24:25 ♪ Let me know what you want from me ♪
1370 01:24:30 ♪ Whisper "love" in my ears ♪
1371 01:24:33 ♪ Before you try to get your hooks in me ♪
1372 01:24:38 ♪ I should warn you, my dear ♪
1373 01:24:43 ♪ My heart is a haunted house ♪
1374 01:24:46 ♪ Once you're in, you ain't getting out ♪
1375 01:24:50 ♪ It's the trap you've been waiting for ♪
1376 01:24:54 ♪ Ain't no windows, ain't no doors ♪
1377 01:24:58 ♪ No escaping the way you feel ♪
1378 01:25:02 ♪ It's like a dream, but you hope it's real ♪
1379 01:25:06 ♪ My, my, my heart ♪
1380 01:25:10 ♪ M-m-m-my heart is a haunted ♪
1381 01:25:14 ♪ Haunted house ♪
1382 01:25:21 ♪ watch yourself when you walk to me ♪
1383 01:25:25 ♪ Careful where your heart treads ♪
1384 01:25:29 ♪ Suddenly, you'll be in too deep ♪
1385 01:25:34 ♪ You'll be caught up in my web ♪
1386 01:25:38 ♪ You will think of me constantly ♪
1387 01:25:42 ♪ And it will drive you insane ♪
1388 01:25:45 ♪ Like the tattoo you can't remove ♪
1389 01:25:50 ♪ Like the blood in your veins ♪
1390 01:25:55 ♪ My heart is a haunted house ♪
1391 01:25:58 ♪ Once you're in, you ain't getting out ♪
1392 01:26:02 ♪ It's the trap you've been waiting for ♪
1393 01:26:06 ♪ Ain't no windows, ain't no doors ♪
1394 01:26:10 ♪ There's no escaping the way you feel ♪
1395 01:26:14 ♪ It's like a dream, but you hope it's real ♪
1396 01:26:18 ♪ My, my, my heart ♪
1397 01:26:22 ♪ M-m-m-my heart is a haunted (Haunted) house ♪
1398 01:26:33 ♪ It's a haunted house (Haunted house) ♪
