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1 00:00:21 On Top Of The World
2 00:00:23 You can have it all but not till you move it
3 00:00:27 Now take it in but don't look down
4 00:00:30 Cos I'm on top of the world, hey
5 00:00:32 I'm on top of the world, hey
6 00:00:35 Waiting on this for a while now
7 00:00:37 Paying my dues to the dirt
8 00:00:39 I've been waiting to smile, hey
9 00:00:42 Been holding it in for a while, hey
10 00:00:44 Take it with me if I can
11 00:00:46 Been dreaming of this since a child
12 00:00:50 And I know it's hard when you're falling down
13 00:00:52 And it's a long way up when you hit the ground
14 00:00:55 Get up now, get up, get up now
15 00:00:58 I'm on top of the world
16 00:01:02 Hey! Hi, there!
17 00:01:05 Boy, look at this.
18 00:01:14 Pretty as ever.
19 00:01:16 Exciting!
20 00:01:22 Did you pack your bowling ball collection in here?
21 00:01:24 My God! He's in a good mood.
22 00:01:27 Who do I love? Who do I love? You know I love you.
23 00:01:30 Yeah, I love you, too, Mom.
24 00:01:34 Senior year? I mean, this is the one.
25 00:01:37 They're all important but, boy, this is the one
26 00:01:40 that really takes you to the finish line. What do I always tell you?
27 00:01:43 - I got this. - You got this.
28 00:01:46 Tell you what I won't miss - paying 28 grand a year.
29 00:01:49 Dad!
30 00:01:50 Don't listen to him.
31 00:01:52 He just likes to squeeze the coin purse.
32 00:01:56 I just love it here.
33 00:01:57 I love being back at our alma mater, right, honey?
34 00:02:00 Well, technically, it's my alma mater. You didn't graduate.
35 00:02:03 He loves it.
36 00:02:06 Boy, here come the waterworks.
37 00:02:08 - Mom! - You know what?
38 00:02:10 I think I just need some cheese or something. I'm a little snackish.
39 00:02:14 OK, traffic. We got traffic.
40 00:02:18 All right. We're gonna release, OK?
41 00:02:22 You're a remarkable young lady.
42 00:02:24 And my love for you is very, very fierce.
43 00:02:28 What? I'm only 22 minutes away!
44 00:02:31 That's 22 minutes too far for me.
45 00:02:34 Have so much fun in Italy, guys. It's gonna be amazing.
46 00:02:37 Arrivederci! That's Italian.
47 00:02:38 - Have fun. - Thanks.
48 00:02:40 Save your receipts. Just kidding, but save 'em.
49 00:02:42 OK.
50 00:02:44 Hatchback.
51 00:02:46 Yup. Boy.
52 00:02:50 Ciao, honey!
53 00:02:52 Ciao!
54 00:02:53 We're both fluent. I'm coming, Dan.
55 00:02:56 Beep beep yourself, mister.
56 00:02:58 Somebody trying to get me in the car all to himself?
57 00:03:02 Boy. Four weeks in Italy.?
58 00:03:05 Are you ready? I'm ready.
59 00:03:07 I've always enjoyed our staycations
60 00:03:09 but I think I'm ready for a little gondola ride with my fella.
61 00:03:13 Wait, wait, wait!
62 00:03:15 I wanna see our girl go in.
63 00:03:17 Ho, look at that!
64 00:03:23 I want a divorce.
65 00:03:26 - What? - I want a divorce.
66 00:03:30 God, it feels good to say that out loud.
67 00:03:32 I wanna be completely transparent with you, Deanna.
68 00:03:35 I am in love with someone else.
69 00:03:39 Who are you in love with?
70 00:03:41 Marcie.
71 00:03:43 Marcie Strong.
72 00:03:46 The realtor?
73 00:03:48 The one on the bus benches?
74 00:03:50 She's also on a series of small billboards downtown
75 00:03:53 and she has a pretty respectable social media following.
76 00:03:56 My God!
77 00:03:57 - Don't... Please... - Don't touch me!
78 00:03:59 - Stay in the car, please. - I'm gonna be sick!
79 00:04:02 Look, I know this seems mean but I'm doing it to facilitate a clean break.
80 00:04:05 Like ripping a Band-Aid off quickly. This is better for you.
81 00:04:11 Don't you dare tell me that this is better for me.
82 00:04:14 Also in the interests of complete transparency,
83 00:04:17 I'm gonna sell the house.
84 00:04:19 You can't do that. That's not how it works.
85 00:04:21 Marcie already started the paperwork and it's all in my name.
86 00:04:28 Stop it! This is a lease. We still have ten months' payments.
87 00:04:32 - Stop it, please! - I don't care if it's a lease.
88 00:04:35 Please, get back in the car.
89 00:04:40 That's gonna cost.
90 00:04:42 We'll talk about this later.
91 00:04:44 Just go, Dan.
92 00:04:46 Now I gotta use Waze.
93 00:05:03 23 years of marriage, just down the tubes.
94 00:05:05 I mean, can you believe that?
95 00:05:08 No. I'm just... I'm so disappointed in Dan.
96 00:05:11 And what's Maddie gonna do? I mean, you've gotta cancel the trip to Italy.
97 00:05:15 You know, I honest to God... I didn't see it coming.
98 00:05:18 You always hear that but I didn't see it coming.
99 00:05:21 Let me tell you this, Dan doesn't deserve you.
100 00:05:23 You're such a great lady, Deanna.
101 00:05:25 Thank you. That's very nice of you.
102 00:05:29 This is it. My parents' house is just up here on the right.
103 00:05:35 Thanks, Dale. And...
104 00:05:37 From the bottom of my heart...
105 00:05:39 I'm gonna give you a great Uber review.
106 00:05:42 Well, I hope your day gets better, Deanna.
107 00:05:44 I'm sure it will.
108 00:05:55 Can I make you a sandwich?
109 00:05:57 No, thanks, Mom. I'm just... I'm not hungry.
110 00:06:01 What about a tuna salad sandwich or egg salad?
111 00:06:04 - You like egg salad. - I do like egg salad.
112 00:06:07 But, I promise you, I'll let you know, but I'm really not hungry right now.
113 00:06:13 Well, at least... at least Marcie is attractive.
114 00:06:16 - Mike! - Dad! My God!
115 00:06:18 What did I say? I mean, it'd be even worse if she was homely.
116 00:06:22 - No! No, it would not! - Yeah, OK, well, you know what?
117 00:06:24 That Dan, no good.
118 00:06:26 I knew that the first time he tried to make you drop out of college.
119 00:06:30 What kind of man makes his pregnant wife drop out of college with one year to go?
120 00:06:35 Mike, lower your voice.
121 00:06:37 You're upsetting Razzles.
122 00:06:39 I'm sorry, Razzy.
123 00:06:41 He didn't make me drop out of school.
124 00:06:43 Dan and I decided that together. We were having a baby!
125 00:06:46 We needed to save money.
126 00:06:48 We could only afford one of us to finish school
127 00:06:51 and he thought it was more important that he went.
128 00:06:53 - OK. - OK?
129 00:06:55 I was always supposed to go back. It just never happened.
130 00:06:57 You were just so close to graduating.
131 00:07:00 I think it just kind of sticks in his craw.
132 00:07:02 - Yeah, it just sticks in my craw a bit. - Yeah.
133 00:07:06 I've got an idea, honey.
134 00:07:08 What about a ham sandwich?
135 00:07:11 Sandy, she doesn't want a ham sandwich.
136 00:07:14 But she likes ham, Mike.
137 00:07:15 Of course she likes ham. Everybody likes ham!
138 00:07:19 But the point is that she's too upset to eat!
139 00:07:22 You know what's upsetting me? It's that my marriage has collapsed
140 00:07:25 and you two keep screaming about ham!
141 00:07:28 - I'm not screaming about ham. - You are screaming about ham!
142 00:07:31 - Yeah, stop it! - You think I'm screaming about ham?
143 00:07:34 Right now, your voice is going up with "ham"!
144 00:07:36 Fine! I'm screaming about ham! I can't help it!
145 00:07:38 I'm up on the roof there! I'm blowing through the roof!
146 00:07:41 I feel like... like I'm gonna blow like a hot water heater!
147 00:07:45 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go right now.
148 00:07:47 I'm making everyone a sandwich.
149 00:07:51 Mom, am I the only one that didn't see it coming?
150 00:07:54 Yeah. I'm gonna shoot Dan.
151 00:07:56 - Mike. - Yeah!
152 00:07:58 Put the gun down. You are not shooting Dan.
153 00:08:00 Dad, stop waving that gun around.
154 00:08:02 I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
155 00:08:04 My gosh! You almost hit Razzles!
156 00:08:07 Michael, you put a hole in the stairs!
157 00:08:09 Shit!
158 00:08:11 You know what? Dan's fault!
159 00:08:13 This was Dan's fault.
160 00:08:23 You've Got Me Up Tight
161 00:08:26 You've got me up tight
162 00:08:28 Yeah
163 00:08:30 I blow my mind now over you
164 00:08:32 Up tight
165 00:08:34 You've got me up tight
166 00:08:38 The way you do that thing you do
167 00:08:41 Up tight, yeah
168 00:08:44 Well, I'm certain of what I said
169 00:08:47 You've got me out of my head
170 00:08:50 Up tight
171 00:08:54 Up tight
172 00:08:56 Shit!
173 00:08:58 Up tight
174 00:09:02 Up tight
175 00:09:07 Up tight
176 00:09:10 Well, I'm certain of what I said...
177 00:09:24 You can't call this racquetball.
178 00:09:26 That's a disgrace to the game.
179 00:09:28 You know what? I know I fought you on it
180 00:09:31 but thank you for getting me out of the house.
181 00:09:33 Come on. What do you think best friends are for?
182 00:09:36 Hey! Hey!
183 00:09:37 Excuse me, there's no alcohol on the courts.
184 00:09:40 Suck it, Eugene!
185 00:09:42 Go easy on the kid?
186 00:09:43 You know what? How many of those have you had?
187 00:09:45 - I had three on the way over here. - Yeah.
188 00:09:48 I made Frank drive me.
189 00:09:51 - You've had four here. You've had seven? - I've had seven.
190 00:09:54 What are we supposed to do, wait around here all day?
191 00:09:56 OK, let's just show them how it's done, OK?
192 00:10:03 - My God! - I'm sorry.
193 00:10:05 Right in the lady business.
194 00:10:07 It's not funny!
195 00:10:09 - Shut up! - It's not funny.
196 00:10:11 - My! That's like a pain. - I'm really sorry.
197 00:10:15 I think I was thinking about Dan's face or maybe... his crotchal area.
198 00:10:20 - No, but you're good. - I kind of let loose.
199 00:10:22 You got good aim.
200 00:10:24 What am I doing? I am drinking alcohol
201 00:10:26 on a racquetball court and yelling at old men.
202 00:10:28 I mean, what am I gonna do?
203 00:10:30 Go get a studio apartment or start taking spin classes?
204 00:10:33 God! I don't wanna start a blog.
205 00:10:36 - I don't know how to do that. - Please don't do that.
206 00:10:42 I should have just fought more.
207 00:10:45 You know? Don't do that to yourself.
208 00:10:47 You did great.
209 00:10:49 What about Maddie?
210 00:10:52 - She's so great. - She's so great.
211 00:10:54 I don't regret that at all, I mean...
212 00:10:57 That's the best, I mean, being her mom.
213 00:10:59 I even liked being a wife.
214 00:11:02 I just wanted to also have a career.
215 00:11:04 I didn't see why I couldn't have all of those things.
216 00:11:07 Hey, yo! We don't have time for your heartfelt conversations!
217 00:11:12 They're so ornery.
218 00:11:14 OK, let's razzle-dazzle, and show...
219 00:11:16 - God, we have to move again? - ..show the Muppet judges, right?
220 00:11:20 My sciatica's kicking.
221 00:11:24 The pain, it's blinding!
222 00:11:27 I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I did that. I didn't mean to hit you.
223 00:11:30 You don't need to apologise to me. Just apologise to my vagina.
224 00:11:35 I'm so sorry.
225 00:11:37 Stacey accepts your apology.
226 00:11:39 - Who's Stacey? - She's my vagina.
227 00:11:41 You know what? I shouldn't say anything. Mine is LeVonne.
228 00:11:44 - What? - I thought it sounded French.
229 00:11:52 My God.
230 00:12:04 That was not good hair.
231 00:12:07 Too short. Too short, Deanna.
232 00:12:36 - God! - Mom!
233 00:12:38 I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to actually scare you.
234 00:12:41 - Hi! - Surprise!
235 00:12:43 What are you doing here?
236 00:12:45 Well, I was just bringing you some mini toiletries
237 00:12:49 and I got you some more of that shampoo that I know you like so much.
238 00:12:52 Mom, I've only been here a week. I don't need more shampoo.
239 00:12:55 I always think everyone can use shampoo
240 00:12:58 and floss and frozen vegetable medleys.
241 00:13:02 Always a good thing to have around.
242 00:13:04 That's why I stopped by and also to tell you that
243 00:13:08 your father and I are getting a divorce.
244 00:13:10 But if you want me to take the shampoo back...
245 00:13:13 Wait, what?
246 00:13:15 Yeah, honey.
247 00:13:19 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to just blurt that out.
248 00:13:22 I'm sorry.
249 00:13:23 - My God! - Come here.
250 00:13:26 I didn't mean to do it like that.
251 00:13:29 You know that this has nothing to do with how much we love you.
252 00:13:33 Because we love you. We love you so much. So much, OK?
253 00:13:38 My God.
254 00:13:40 What happened?
255 00:13:42 I guess in a nutshell, I would have to say
256 00:13:44 that he is currently having an intimate sexual relationship
257 00:13:48 with somebody named Marcie.
258 00:13:50 I'm so sorry, Mom.
259 00:13:52 No, I'm... I'm sorry.
260 00:13:54 I mean, this was not my plan.
261 00:13:56 I did not mean to come over here and just dump bad news on you.
262 00:14:01 I wish I was...
263 00:14:03 I wish I knew how to do this better.
264 00:14:05 Dad is such an ass!
265 00:14:07 Yeah. But I'll tell you this.
266 00:14:09 I'm not even really a full week in but I'm feeling...
267 00:14:14 ..peppier about it.
268 00:14:15 Top of the week was... Whoo!
269 00:14:17 ..really, really spiralling down there but I feel like
270 00:14:20 there's some big wheels in motion here.
271 00:14:23 Exciting, big, semi-truck-size wheels.
272 00:14:27 Yes, big wheels!
273 00:14:29 Come on, seize the day! Go for the gold!
274 00:14:32 Yeah, at least medal, right?
275 00:14:35 That's why I'm gonna go back to college and get my archaeology degree.
276 00:14:38 Right here, my alma mater.
277 00:14:41 I'm gonna finish what I started!
278 00:14:43 - No. - Yes!
279 00:14:44 Mom, you really gotta take a moment and think about this.
280 00:14:48 I love it.
281 00:14:51 OK. Boy.
282 00:14:56 Boy.
283 00:14:58 I overwhelmed my gal.
284 00:15:00 Mom came in and overwhelmed her.
285 00:15:02 Yes, I did.
286 00:15:04 No, this is... this is good news.
287 00:15:07 Yeah, good news..
288 00:15:09 Good news.
289 00:15:11 I'll tell you what. I would hate to have to clean all these spindles.
290 00:15:15 - I think you could do it. - I know I could.
291 00:15:18 You doing OK?
292 00:15:19 - Yeah, I'll be OK. - OK. I know.
293 00:15:21 Yeah, you're a tough cookie.
294 00:15:26 Hey! Hello!
295 00:15:28 Look who's here. The gang's all here.
296 00:15:30 - Hi! - Hi, Mrs Miles!
297 00:15:32 Look at this. It's a study group. Study buddies already.
298 00:15:35 - You should be down here studying. - Please stop, Mom.
299 00:15:38 Look at you. Boy, a sight for sore eyes?
300 00:15:41 Hello to my fellow Tigers, fellow students,
301 00:15:44 because somebody's mom just enrolled in college!
302 00:15:48 I'm referring to myself.
303 00:15:51 Wait, you're going to school here now?
304 00:15:52 She's thinking about it. It's not for sure yet.
305 00:15:55 It's pretty for sure. I don't think I'm gonna change my mind.
306 00:15:58 And, I was, you know, it made me start wondering when I was signing up today.
307 00:16:02 I thought, "Wasn't Amanda talking about switching to the archaeology department?"
308 00:16:07 - Was that you? - No, I'm art history.
309 00:16:10 No. How about you?
310 00:16:11 No, it's not me.
311 00:16:13 No. I'm so sorry, we haven't met. I haven't had the pleasure.
312 00:16:16 - I'm Helen. Hi! - Did I get lucky?
313 00:16:19 Are you possibly an archaeology major? There's usually two of us in a room.
314 00:16:22 I'm undeclared.
315 00:16:24 There's still time.
316 00:16:26 There's still time. Check into it.
317 00:16:28 Now, I couldn't help noticing
318 00:16:31 that you're a little whisper older than the other girls.
319 00:16:33 Are you a TA or maybe a grad student?
320 00:16:36 No, I'm a sophomore. But I started college a little bit later
321 00:16:39 because I was in a coma for eight years.
322 00:16:41 My gosh!
323 00:16:43 If I may, I'm just wondering, how did it... how did that happen?
324 00:16:47 Yes, I was skydiving.
325 00:16:48 Boy!
326 00:16:50 One minute you're falling out of a plane, then the lights go out.
327 00:16:52 Next thing I know, I wake up. I think it's the next day
328 00:16:55 but I've grown four inches and suddenly I have C cups.
329 00:16:57 It was eight years gone.
330 00:16:59 I also have C cups. But I didn't have to go into a coma for them.
331 00:17:02 Mom! I think that's your cue.
332 00:17:05 I think, maybe, you've gotta hit the road.
333 00:17:07 - Yes, I'm sorry. - Yeah.
334 00:17:09 Yes. Put a fork in me. I'm done. So sorry.
335 00:17:13 I'm gonna toddle off, on that note.
336 00:17:16 So nice meeting you.
337 00:17:17 So nice to meet you, Helen. Girls, what a delight to see you again.
338 00:17:21 OK, all right.
339 00:17:23 Well, I'll see you around campus or on the quad.
340 00:17:27 - Nobody says that, Mom. - Nobody says that?
341 00:17:29 I'll bring it back. See you in the quad, Tigers.
342 00:17:32 Bye, Mrs Miles!
343 00:17:33 And welcome.
344 00:17:40 So, here's your class schedule.
345 00:17:43 Wow! I am pumped!
346 00:17:45 - Thank you so much! - You're so welcome.
347 00:17:49 - All right, take care. - Bye now.
348 00:17:51 I already got senioritis. Kidding!
349 00:17:55 Yes!
350 00:17:56 Ain't nobody, ain't nobody
351 00:18:00 Gonna steal my brand-new groove
352 00:18:03 Ooh! Yes!
353 00:18:07 I'm about to lose my cool
354 00:18:11 I need you, babe
355 00:18:16 Did you see these in there? They're tiny footballs!
356 00:18:19 - Aren't they so cute? - No idea what I'm gonna do with them.
357 00:18:22 I guess I'll find tiny football players.
358 00:18:29 Let me just get my grip.
359 00:18:33 You're a sight for sore eyes.
360 00:18:35 If you could just maybe grab that...
361 00:18:38 I guess chivalry's dead.
362 00:18:40 Wearing sweatpants in broad daylight.
363 00:18:43 There's another one.
364 00:18:45 Future Dans of America.
365 00:18:52 Hello?
366 00:18:54 Hi!...
367 00:19:03 Don't turn on the lights.
368 00:19:07 Hi, there.
369 00:19:10 I'm Deanna and you must be Lenore or is it Leonor?
370 00:19:18 OK, well, I'm sure we'll get into that.
371 00:19:22 So we're roomies?
372 00:19:25 Fun to be roomies.
373 00:19:27 Bunkmates.
374 00:19:30 It's dark in here. Were you asleep?
375 00:19:33 I don't sleep. I'm scared of the dark.
376 00:19:35 Boy.
377 00:19:38 I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of crowds, books, flying,
378 00:19:42 people, ants, ketchup.
379 00:19:44 Ketchup's a tough one for me.
380 00:19:46 I mean, I like a moutarde but I'm kind of a ketchup gal.
381 00:19:52 I like to dunk my taters.
382 00:19:54 OK. I like that.
383 00:19:56 OK, well, we are gonna get along just great.
384 00:20:01 Look at that spring back.
385 00:20:03 I'll tell you what, I did not expect that kind of resilience.
386 00:20:15 First day at school!
387 00:20:18 - Shut up! - Sorry.
388 00:20:19 First day at school.
389 00:20:21 Hey, guys. Go Tigers, right?
390 00:20:25 Man.
391 00:20:27 I want it. Yes!
392 00:20:29 I'd love a brainstorming session, I've got one.
393 00:20:32 Hit it high! There we go.
394 00:20:34 Hey, Mondays?
395 00:20:37 This is amazing!
396 00:20:55 OK. Let's do this.
397 00:20:58 Good seats. Good pick.
398 00:21:00 I'm gonna go a little further up because of my progressives.
399 00:21:03 You want a study buddy? I'll give you my landline.
400 00:21:05 Maybe we could kind of...!
401 00:21:08 - Hi! - Hi!
402 00:21:09 I hate to do this. God, there's always that one, right?
403 00:21:13 It's, like, "I gotta sit in the centre-centre."
404 00:21:15 Ooh, look at you. Real big feet.
405 00:21:19 Sorry, let me give you that back. You got it.
406 00:21:21 - Hi! - Hi.
407 00:21:23 Hi, there. God, I'm sorry.
408 00:21:25 Sorry. I apologise.
409 00:21:27 You got hit by school spirit.
410 00:21:30 Wow! Look at you, all decked out.
411 00:21:33 You know what? I am excited to be in this class.
412 00:21:36 Now, I have to say, I'm surprised to see you in here.
413 00:21:39 Well, after I met you, I watched Indiana Jones.
414 00:21:43 The best.
415 00:21:45 - Then, scuttlebutt on the street is... - What is that?
416 00:21:48 Everything's already been dug up, so this is a really easy class.
417 00:21:51 No, I gotta agree to disagree.
418 00:21:52 But good news, this means we're both Jurassic junkies.
419 00:21:57 Look at this place..
420 00:21:59 Boy.
421 00:22:03 Excuse me, I think your bag's got a case of the dropsies.
422 00:22:06 It went through the chute there.
423 00:22:08 Farther in than I thought. You know what?
424 00:22:12 That tip.
425 00:22:13 The little tip of that cracked right off.
426 00:22:16 But, luckily for you, I got a whole haul of mechanical pencils
427 00:22:19 so the lead keeps replenishing as you twist.
428 00:22:21 You want in on this?
429 00:22:24 - No, thank you. - No?
430 00:22:26 But I love your sweater.
431 00:22:30 Thank you so much. Yeah, I thought it really popped.
432 00:22:33 Yeah, I was kidding.
433 00:22:35 It's a horrible sweater.
434 00:22:36 It's a horrible, super-sad mom sweater.
435 00:22:43 OK.
436 00:22:45 I see we're still doing that.
437 00:22:46 Girls being mean to other girls for no apparent reason.
438 00:22:50 There is a reason. You're not a girl, you're 1,000 years old.
439 00:22:55 You're ancient. A relic.
440 00:22:58 She's pleased with herself over that one.
441 00:23:00 Well, guess what? If I'm a relic, then I guess I'm in the right class.
442 00:23:08 It's an archaeology jam.
443 00:23:10 Who made jam out of that mess of berries? Me.
444 00:23:14 Good afternoon, everyone.
445 00:23:16 Welcome to Archaeology 301.
446 00:23:21 My God.
447 00:23:22 I think that's Wayne Truzack.
448 00:23:24 He was a classmate of mine 20 years ago.
449 00:23:27 First of all, I wanna tell you that your satisfaction in this class is guaranteed
450 00:23:32 or you'll get double your mummy back.
451 00:23:40 "Mummy back."
452 00:23:42 I don't get why that's funny.
453 00:23:44 It is funny but it's also punny.
454 00:23:48 Hey, freaks, shut up!
455 00:24:00 No! No! No!
456 00:24:08 No. No. No.
457 00:24:19 I brought snacks!
458 00:24:24 I don't know. I'm loving my classes.
459 00:24:27 They're amazing. I feel like I'm learning.
460 00:24:29 I think I felt for so long like my brain was in a freezer
461 00:24:32 and now I've really come room temp.
462 00:24:34 It's just great!
463 00:24:36 - Can I say something? - You could say whatever you want, Debbie.
464 00:24:38 - You don't have to ask. - Thanks, Amanda.
465 00:24:41 I think it's really great you had something bad happen to you
466 00:24:44 and that you're making lemons out of lemonade.
467 00:24:47 I think you did kind of flip-flop that saying.
468 00:24:51 It's supposed to be "lemonade out of lemons".
469 00:24:53 You take something sour and you turn it into something sweet.
470 00:24:56 Pretty sure it's "make lemons out of lemonade".
471 00:24:59 It's kind of the idea that something bad happened to you,
472 00:25:02 like your husband leaving you and squashing you to make lemonade.
473 00:25:06 Then pulling yourself back together again and now you're a whole lemon.
474 00:25:09 That was a very visual story.
475 00:25:13 Very painful visual,
476 00:25:15 but then the whole lemon really does bring it back around to the flip side.
477 00:25:20 So thank you for that.
478 00:25:21 I appreciate the sentiment and I appreciate these cheeks.
479 00:25:25 My God! I can't let go!
480 00:25:28 Deanna, you wanna stick around and hang out?
481 00:25:30 I would love to hang. My first college hang.
482 00:25:33 I am free as a bird. I'm down to clown.
483 00:25:37 Deanna's such a mouthful.
484 00:25:39 What if I called you Dee Dee?
485 00:25:41 I have always wanted a nickname.
486 00:25:43 What about Dee Rock or Dee Train?
487 00:25:45 Or Glenn?
488 00:25:46 Why would we call her Glenn?
489 00:25:48 Just cos I love Glenn Close and I was thinking about her.
490 00:25:52 - I love Glenn Close. - You do?
491 00:25:55 Fatal Attraction, best movie ever.
492 00:25:56 - That the one where she boiled a rabbit? - It is.
493 00:25:59 I think I showed that to Maddie a little too early on
494 00:26:02 because she urinated in her underpants.
495 00:26:04 Mom!
496 00:26:05 And would not eat anything out of a stew pot for a good six to eight months.
497 00:26:10 Or she would just keep re-urinating in her underpants.
498 00:26:14 Mom, stop!
499 00:26:15 Let's watch it. Let's rent it. Movie night.
500 00:26:18 Yeah, you know... I love a good movie night.
501 00:26:21 But I think... my mom does not want to hang out here.
502 00:26:25 She's just stopping by. She's not gonna hang out with her daughter's friends.
503 00:26:29 That would be so weird. That would be weird.
504 00:26:33 Maddie's right. I can't hang out right now.
505 00:26:36 I've gotta get home and get in some good hang time with my new roomie.
506 00:26:40 - What's her name? - You know what? It's Leonor or Lenore.
507 00:26:43 I'm not really sure.
508 00:26:44 We're just kind of getting used to each other, I'm sure.
509 00:26:48 She kind of mutters around the room, talking to herself.
510 00:26:50 I just kind of get a Voldemort vibe from her.
511 00:26:54 But I will take a rain check on the movie, if that... Or not.
512 00:26:58 - Rain check. - OK. Rain check.
513 00:27:01 I'll make the popcorn. I got a sweet and savoury one.
514 00:27:04 - Great! - Bye.
515 00:27:05 - Bye, Mom. - Bye, Dee Rock.
516 00:27:07 - She's amazing. - Yeah.
517 00:27:08 That was very nice of her to bring food for you guys.
518 00:27:12 I love your mom.
519 00:27:14 Last thing. You're not gonna... Thunder dunder clouds up ahead.
520 00:27:17 And I just said rain check. It's like I conjured it.
521 00:27:20 - Great. - OK. Bye-bye. Last hug.
522 00:27:24 - OK. - I love you.
523 00:27:25 Look at her dancing me out!
524 00:27:27 We're like Fred and... OK.
525 00:27:35 You're a bookworm?
526 00:27:39 My God. How long have you been there?
527 00:27:41 Six minutes.
528 00:27:47 You're a quiet one.
529 00:27:50 You get good grades?
530 00:27:51 ...well...
531 00:27:53 I try. I really enjoy the subject matter and...
532 00:27:57 I don't know, I just find archaeology a constant wonder.
533 00:28:00 You like to dig up stuff? I like to bury stuff.
534 00:28:03 OK.
535 00:28:05 Look at us! Kind of yin and yang...
536 00:28:08 having our first conversation?
537 00:28:11 Fun.
538 00:28:12 Listen, while we're gabbing, I was just kind of wondering...
539 00:28:16 It's been a few weeks.
540 00:28:19 I'm thinking, "I wonder if she's ever gonna go...
541 00:28:21 outside the room?"
542 00:28:24 Maybe for a class or a... you know, a coven meeting.
543 00:28:28 I'm kidding.
544 00:28:29 I've gone on the other side of that door.
545 00:28:31 Yeah...
546 00:28:32 I find you behind that door all the time.
547 00:28:35 but that's inside my closet.
548 00:28:38 So, I was just wondering...
549 00:28:40 are you ever gonna go out of maybe that door... into the, let's say, hallway?
550 00:28:45 I'll probably stick to that door.
551 00:28:48 - You wanna stick to my closet? - Yeah.
552 00:28:50 OK.
553 00:28:52 I like you.
554 00:28:57 And we're friends.
555 00:28:58 I certainly hope so.
556 00:29:00 I'm might go back to my room.
557 00:29:03 OK.
558 00:29:11 Wow! That smells great. What is that?
559 00:29:14 Yes, it's Fiori Antichi Della Novella.
560 00:29:16 Remember? We got it a Firenze.
561 00:29:19 Mi piace.
562 00:29:21 - It turns me on. - Yeah.
563 00:29:28 What is that smell?
564 00:29:30 It's probably garlic and Dial.
565 00:29:33 And a little mayo.
566 00:29:35 I had an Italian sandwich.
567 00:29:37 They're lovers.
568 00:29:39 No, they're not. They're jealous.
569 00:29:40 No, we're best... best friends.
570 00:29:43 - Yes. - I can't believe you brought her.
571 00:29:45 I can't believe you brought Christine.
572 00:29:47 I can't believe you shacked up with a bitch!
573 00:29:51 - That is not gonna be useful today. - This bitch...
574 00:29:55 has a lot of reason to be here.
575 00:29:57 I am an excellent negotiator. I am a realtor.
576 00:30:00 Yes. Not only do you destroy homes, you also sell them.
577 00:30:03 - Isn't that come full circle? - Good burn!
578 00:30:05 OK.
579 00:30:07 Hello, all. As you know,
580 00:30:08 this mediation is here to help facilitate the terms of your divorce.
581 00:30:13 So, just so you know,
582 00:30:14 this is not a court of law, all right?
583 00:30:16 You will all be civilised and you will please address all speech to me.
584 00:30:20 - To you. - To you.
585 00:30:22 - No crosstalk. - No.
586 00:30:23 Even if we wanna talk to one another, we can't. If I wanted to say, "Dina..."
587 00:30:27 - You'd look at me. - I'd look at you, I'd say, "Dina...
588 00:30:30 I am going to have... a beautiful life with your husband...
589 00:30:33 Dina."
590 00:30:34 - If I were to say, "Marky..." - Marcie.
591 00:30:38 "..you're gonna be very disappointed in bed
592 00:30:41 cos Dan's downstairs is not gonna do the trick."
593 00:30:45 I don't know why you're laughing. Frank's not great downstairs, either.
594 00:30:48 - To me. - We play tennis together.
595 00:30:50 - Frank is no big deal down there. - He's right. Frank is not.
596 00:30:53 I have a question, Dan.
597 00:30:55 Why is it that you're playing tennis with Frank pantsless?
598 00:30:58 - This is not helping our process. - Thank you.
599 00:31:01 - OK. Can we proceed? - She's not signing anything, Your Honour.
600 00:31:05 If I may.
601 00:31:06 I'm not a judge. Remember, I said this isn't a court of law.
602 00:31:10 My name is Christine Davenport, good friend to Deanna.
603 00:31:14 And I am here as a support.
604 00:31:15 And also I have been studying lots of documents on legalzoom.com.
605 00:31:22 Thank you. Thank you for that. I just want to get this over with.
606 00:31:25 Terrifying!
607 00:31:26 I want it on the record that the accused are currently in the process
608 00:31:32 of selling my client's home... and not splitting the proceeds.
609 00:31:37 Because the house was 100 per cent in Daniel's name. So...
610 00:31:43 That was our house, Dan. You know that was our house.
611 00:31:46 I understand, but we're gonna settle this, and that's why we're here, OK?
612 00:31:49 - Daniel... - Don't interject.
613 00:31:51 - Don't be a weenie. - I'm not being a weenie.
614 00:31:53 - OK... - I'm not being a weenie.
615 00:31:55 Well, that's debatable. This is not...
616 00:31:58 This is not helping our process.
617 00:31:59 There is no probable clause to implicate this witness.
618 00:32:03 I move to dismiss.
619 00:32:05 I just want to say for the record, I just needed an upgrade in my life, Deanna.
620 00:32:09 - You son of a... OK. To me, please.
621 00:32:12 I'm sorry. You son of a bitch.
622 00:32:14 - No, you're the son of a bitch. - You're the son of a bitch!
623 00:32:17 - You're the son of a bitch. - I object!
624 00:32:19 I object! I'm not even a judge. OK?
625 00:32:22 I'm just gonna take...
626 00:32:23 I'm just gonna take a break. Gotta strategise.
627 00:32:26 Are you coming back?
628 00:32:27 I refuse to disclose information about my client.
629 00:32:33 Case adjourned.
630 00:32:35 Deanna!
631 00:32:37 We know what room she's in. We don't need to yell.
632 00:32:39 - I like to yell! - Let her yell.
633 00:32:42 Guys, why are we going to see my mom right now?
634 00:32:44 Because we haven't seen her all week and we miss her.
635 00:32:52 Hey, Mom. What's up?
636 00:32:54 Hey, what are you guys doing in here?
637 00:32:57 What's wrong?
638 00:33:00 We filed our paperwork today,
639 00:33:02 so your dad and I are officially getting divorced.
640 00:33:07 My God! I'm so sorry.
641 00:33:09 I'm sorry. I don't even like talking to you about this stuff.
642 00:33:12 No, don't worry at all.
643 00:33:14 I just know he's gonna fight me on, like, every little thing.
644 00:33:17 So it's just... it's a little frustrating is all.
645 00:33:19 - That looks really good. - Yeah, it used to be in a can.
646 00:33:22 Can I say something?
647 00:33:24 - Just say it, Debbie. - Just say it.
648 00:33:26 Yes, honey.
649 00:33:27 We need to get you jackhammer blasted.
650 00:33:31 I just am not really in the mood to kind of, you know, hang out.
651 00:33:34 - And I don't want to impose, so... - Come on!
652 00:33:38 You're not imposing, Mom.
653 00:33:40 - I am imposing. - No, you're not.
654 00:33:42 You're not imposing.
655 00:33:44 You just got some really rough news and to be honest,
656 00:33:47 we both got really rough news.
657 00:33:48 But, you're in college now. You gotta learn how to party through it.
658 00:33:52 All right, girl. I'm gonna go to a party with my mom.
659 00:33:55 Let's do it. I'm gonna be that girl!
660 00:33:57 Come on. I wanna... Party with my mama
661 00:34:00 We all wanna party with your mama
662 00:34:02 Party with your mama Party with your mama
663 00:34:06 - All right. I'm down to clown! - Dee Rock's down to clown!
664 00:34:10 I am also down to clown. I'm always down to clown.
665 00:34:12 It's just something that I do all the time.
666 00:34:15 - I like your vibe. - Why?
667 00:34:21 - It's pretty lively! - Yeah, it's a party, Mom.
668 00:34:24 Well, it's also a school night.
669 00:34:27 Dee, I think those guys just checked you out.
670 00:34:29 - No, they weren't! - Yes, they were.
671 00:34:31 They're probably just looking at my smock. It tends to catch the light.
672 00:34:34 They're so young.
673 00:34:37 I think I'm too old to be here.
674 00:34:39 No, come on! It'll be so fun.
675 00:34:41 Let's rock out with our lady dongs out.
676 00:34:44 That's not a thing.
677 00:34:47 Shots! Shots! Shots!
678 00:34:49 - What do we want? - Full velocity!
679 00:34:52 Workin' On My Tan B*tch
680 00:34:54 It's so loud in here! I can barely hear myself think.
681 00:35:01 There's your boyfriend. Doesn't he look sharp?
682 00:35:04 - Yeah, let's go get a drink. - Stairs!
683 00:35:06 Yep.
684 00:35:07 I just wish you would have let me bring a covered dish.
685 00:35:10 - That would have been so weird. - No, it's weird to not bring something.
686 00:35:14 - Hell, no. - Hell, no.
687 00:35:16 Maddie, you're not bringing old people to this party.
688 00:35:19 Absolutely not. No moms allowed.
689 00:35:22 I will break your face. No-one will recognise you.
690 00:35:25 You'll die in a ditch.
691 00:35:28 OK, my mom needs a drink.
692 00:35:30 So back up before I back you up!
693 00:35:34 Hop out!
694 00:35:36 I'm so proud of you for owning your power.
695 00:35:39 Don't escalate it.
696 00:35:41 But, wow! Impressive.
697 00:35:43 God, I don't know what's sadder,
698 00:35:45 the mom perm...or the mom boobs.
699 00:35:49 Mom perm! I gotta tell... Time-out, guys.
700 00:35:53 God-given curls. All I'm doing is a little...
701 00:35:56 maybe a foam mousse, a little spray, hot roller
702 00:35:59 and I set it, and I forget it.
703 00:36:01 And secondly, these allowed this one to suckle at these teats
704 00:36:05 - for 28 wonderful... - We're not...
705 00:36:07 - We're not... - ..wonderful tender months.
706 00:36:10 - I wear them around my waist proudly. - This isn't the time.
707 00:36:14 I just feel like...
708 00:36:16 I don't know if it's more pathetic to party with your mom...
709 00:36:20 or to party with your daughter.
710 00:36:23 Come on. Let's do something cool.
711 00:36:26 Real cool. Bye, nerds.
712 00:36:34 OK, this was a lot of fun.
713 00:36:37 Um, but I want you to enjoy yourselves tonight, so I'm just gonna go.
714 00:36:41 No, no, no.
715 00:36:43 - We're gonna have a good time. - I should not be here.
716 00:36:45 This is not a party for me.
717 00:36:48 If you go, evil wins!
718 00:36:50 OK, you know what? I have an idea. Let's go to the bathroom.
719 00:36:54 - I don't have to tinkle. - I think you do.
720 00:36:56 I think I'd know if I had to tinkle. Except that one time.
721 00:37:00 All right. Let's go.
722 00:37:03 Please tell me you're not doing the cocaine.
723 00:37:05 My God! No! Come on.
724 00:37:07 No, I already told you. I do not have to go to the bathroom.
725 00:37:11 Mom, you're a college girl now and we gotta make some changes.
726 00:37:15 What does that mean?
727 00:37:17 - Let's start with these glasses. - No!
728 00:37:19 - You gotta start wearing contact lenses. - No!
729 00:37:21 This is horrible!
730 00:37:23 Then this, this is just... Let's get this off.
731 00:37:26 - Come on, Mom. - My God! What has gotten into you?
732 00:37:29 Don't fight it, Mom! It's like a Band-Aid. You gotta rip it off quickly.
733 00:37:33 - All I have on is my undershirt. - Yeah!
734 00:37:36 I'm gonna unbutton.
735 00:37:38 Not one, not two...
736 00:37:40 but three.
737 00:37:42 Not three buttons, no!
738 00:37:44 Look at your breasts!
739 00:37:46 - Mom! - What? I don't know what's happening.
740 00:37:48 - Those are gorgeous! - They're all right.
741 00:37:51 Maybe how about we just do something about that hair just a little bit?
742 00:37:54 No! God, it's full of hair.
743 00:37:57 Come on, it'll be fine. Let me have it.
744 00:38:00 No! God, don't! No!
745 00:38:02 Hey, what's up? You're that girl in the coma, right?
746 00:38:05 Not any more.
747 00:38:07 - Yeah, I follow you on Twitter. - I don't date fans.
748 00:38:11 OK.
749 00:38:13 So beautiful.
750 00:38:16 God. Now I've got a bare...
751 00:38:17 You know what I can't wear is a bare lip.
752 00:38:20 What is that?
753 00:38:22 It's mauve.
754 00:38:25 You know I love mauve.
755 00:38:31 No, I'm not a fan, I just... I got a lot of respect for comas.
756 00:38:35 I like sleeping pretty long, too, I guess.
757 00:38:41 God! Are you in a coma again?
758 00:38:43 God, I gotta get help.
759 00:38:48 Can I look? Can I look now?
760 00:38:49 Yes! I think you're done.
761 00:38:59 My God! "What are you, 20?"
762 00:39:02 - OK. I wouldn't go that far. - I'm 21.
763 00:39:05 OK.
764 00:39:06 You know, I used to wear my hair like this.
765 00:39:08 Eons ago...
766 00:39:10 when you were in here.
767 00:39:13 You look so beautiful, Mom.
768 00:39:17 You know what? OK.
769 00:39:19 I think you're ready, college girl.
770 00:39:22 - Are you sure? - Yeah, let's go. But let's leave this.
771 00:39:25 Let's never touch... or talk about that brush again.
772 00:39:28 OK.
773 00:39:29 - Thank you. - Of course. I love you.
774 00:39:31 I love you, too.
775 00:39:33 Boom.
776 00:39:40 Get a room!
777 00:39:42 Just kidding, don't. L-O-L. Hashtag.
778 00:39:46 - Hey, Ms Miles. - Hi, how are you?
779 00:39:48 Good. You guys both look amazing!
780 00:39:50 - Thank you. - Charmer.
781 00:39:52 I heard you're back at school now, which is awesome.
782 00:39:54 - It is. - You get to party with all of us.
783 00:39:56 Well...
784 00:39:58 How about a drink or something? Let me introduce you to my friend Jack.
785 00:40:01 Hi, I'm Jack.
786 00:40:03 Deanna. Hi.
787 00:40:05 Wow, that's...
788 00:40:07 You have wonderfully intricate hair.
789 00:40:11 - Thank you. - Yeah.
790 00:40:13 Well, can I get you something to drink?
791 00:40:15 OK. I would love a Chardonnay, maybe something oaky.
792 00:40:24 Did you pick up the Chardonnay?
793 00:40:25 - We have some boxed wine. - We have some boxed wine.
794 00:40:30 - In a box? - I don't know.
795 00:40:31 I'm sure it tastes real cardboardy.
796 00:40:33 I'm sure it tastes very cardboardy!
797 00:40:36 Really, it comes in a plastic bladder, so it's not touching the cardboard.
798 00:40:40 I told him we should not get anything that comes in a bladder.
799 00:40:43 - I'm the only one who likes wine. - I love wine!
800 00:40:46 But I don't like drinking it out of bladders.
801 00:40:49 I don't blame you.
802 00:40:51 She'll just have a shot and a beer, please.
803 00:40:53 - Perfect. - There we go.
804 00:40:54 Why not? I'm here to get the full college experience.
805 00:40:58 So...what is the spirit du jour?
806 00:41:02 This is 100 per cent agave tequila.
807 00:41:04 Agave! I use that when I bake muffins.
808 00:41:08 - OK. - She loves to bake.
809 00:41:09 - I do. - All right, let's do it.
810 00:41:12 - What do we want? - Full velocity!
811 00:41:16 And equal work for equal pay.
812 00:41:21 God.
813 00:41:23 - God. - That is aggressive.
814 00:41:26 That's just burning.
815 00:41:28 It's burning all the way down.
816 00:41:31 Just follow my lead and we'll do this again, OK?
817 00:41:33 We'll try it again.
818 00:41:37 All right. What do we want?
819 00:41:39 Full velocity!
820 00:41:42 And cleaner oceans. Our coral reefs are dying, guys.
821 00:41:47 No, er...Ms Miles...
822 00:41:53 Look, Ms Miles, coral reefs and equal work for equal pay, all great things.
823 00:41:59 But at our parties...
824 00:42:01 when somebody says "What do we want?" we just say "Full velocity."
825 00:42:06 You don't need to say anything else.
826 00:42:07 It's more of a party tradition.
827 00:42:09 OK. So, it's just a flat answer of full...
828 00:42:13 - Velocity. - Velocity.
829 00:42:16 - OK. - You ready?
830 00:42:18 Well...
831 00:42:20 Third time's the charm, right?
832 00:42:21 - What do we want? - Full velocity!
833 00:42:25 And full maternity leave for non-gender-specific working parents.
834 00:42:32 And full velocity!
835 00:42:46 Where's my mom?
836 00:42:48 She's over there busting it out.
837 00:42:54 Hi, honey!
838 00:42:55 Hi!
839 00:42:58 I feel that in my C-section scar!
840 00:43:02 - Are you OK? - Ooh, yeah!
841 00:43:03 Let me see you MILF shake
842 00:43:06 Let me see you MILF shake
843 00:43:12 Your soul could never grow old
844 00:43:15 It's evergreen
845 00:43:18 It's not over. It's full velocity! Let's go! Come on, guys!
846 00:43:22 Baby, your smile's
847 00:43:25 Forever in my mind and memory...
848 00:43:35 My God!
849 00:43:38 My God! Mom!
850 00:43:41 You don't have to make a big deal.
851 00:43:43 Don't jump to conclusions. You don't know what's happening here.
852 00:43:46 Really? It looks like my mother is doing the walk of shame out of a frat house.
853 00:43:52 OK, I guess technically that's... what's happening. Let's just go.
854 00:43:55 Let's get out of here. My God!
855 00:43:58 I don't think you've gotta rub it in.!
856 00:44:00 Fella, close your robe.
857 00:44:03 Can we please just get out of here?
858 00:44:05 Aren't they gonna serve breakfast?
859 00:44:07 No, they're not gonna serve breakfast. This isn't the Hilton.
860 00:44:10 I knew that. But I thought maybe they'll have a bagel spread or something.
861 00:44:13 My God!
862 00:44:15 My God! My foot keeps charley horsing.
863 00:44:18 I'm telling you, I can't even get my boots back on.
864 00:44:21 I guess that's what I get for getting my toes curled last night.
865 00:44:24 And I mean cu-urled.
866 00:44:26 Mom, please stop!
867 00:44:28 I think it was mutually enjoyable... for both parties.
868 00:44:33 I mean, I had fun.
869 00:44:35 He enjoyed himself. He kept yelling, "Please, more!"
870 00:44:38 I thought he was doing a scene from Oliver! "Please, more."
871 00:44:42 I heard that through the wall
872 00:44:44 and I thought he was saying, "Cheese store."
873 00:44:46 And I was very confused.
874 00:44:48 One time we were playing kind of a cheesemonger
875 00:44:51 and I was a poor peasant girl but...
876 00:44:53 That's disgusting, Mom.
877 00:44:55 - No! It was fun. - Mom!
878 00:44:57 And I love cheese.
879 00:44:58 I love you so much.
880 00:45:00 Have I asked you once about any of this? No. You just keep blabbing.
881 00:45:03 I'm asking you to please be quiet and stop talking.
882 00:45:07 OK. I think we should keep communication lines open.
883 00:45:11 You know what? I'm older, I'm wiser. I...
884 00:45:13 This, essentially a Google.
885 00:45:17 Right down here, where you came from.
886 00:45:20 I'm like the Google of vaginas.
887 00:45:22 "Ask me anything, please."
888 00:45:24 Turn off your vagoogle.
889 00:45:26 - It can't be turned off. - OK, I don't like it.
890 00:45:28 You're scaring me... and you're scaring everyone around you.
891 00:45:32 I think... I think my vagoogle scared Jack last night.
892 00:45:35 - My God! - But in a good way.
893 00:45:38 Like when you intentionally go through a haunted house.
894 00:45:40 Eww!
895 00:45:42 Not saying...
896 00:45:44 You know what I mean.
897 00:45:46 Please, I just don't wanna talk about your vagoogle.
898 00:45:55 All right. I've got a little pop quiz for you here.
899 00:46:00 But don't worry, I promise to grade it pharaoh and squaraoh.
900 00:46:08 Hey, I've got to tell you, your work so far is impeccable.
901 00:46:13 This department is lucky to have you back.
902 00:46:16 My gosh. Wayne, thank you so much. You know, it's still my passion.
903 00:46:20 I guess once a dighead, always a dighead?
904 00:46:23 - Yes, you certainly are. - Guess that makes me a dighead, too.
905 00:46:26 OK, my advice to you is to crack a book, all right?
906 00:46:29 You are failing this class in spectacular fashion.
907 00:46:35 And I would love to see you on a dig one day.
908 00:46:37 That makes two of us wanting to see me on a dig.
909 00:46:41 That's... Thank you. It's a lovely sediment.
910 00:46:45 No. I did not. I did it, though.
911 00:46:50 You're gonna make me become Stone-unhinged.
912 00:46:56 No, you get out!
913 00:46:58 Anyway, I can't wait to see your mid-term presentation.
914 00:47:01 I'm pretty excited for you to read it.
915 00:47:03 No, no. It's an oral presentation.
916 00:47:06 It's a... What is it?
917 00:47:08 Instead of with your hands, you present your work with your mouth and tongue.
918 00:47:13 OK. You're gonna be great.
919 00:47:15 Just keep up the good work. OK.
920 00:47:21 What's the matter?
921 00:47:22 I'm just not fond of speaking in public.
922 00:47:27 OK, let's get started on those quizzes. You have 15 minutes, so do not dally.
923 00:47:39 Dee Dee.
924 00:47:40 - Hey, Jack. - Hey! I um...
925 00:47:43 I saw Maddie and she said that you were gonna be in here studying.
926 00:47:48 So, I got you a coffee.
927 00:47:50 Thank you, Jack. That's so nice of you.
928 00:47:52 I couldn't find any Chardonnay, so...
929 00:47:54 It's probably for the best.
930 00:47:58 Hey, have you... been getting my texts?
931 00:48:03 You know what? I usually...
932 00:48:05 I turn off my little chimey alert.
933 00:48:08 Yeah. You gotta be quiet in the library, right?
934 00:48:13 Wow, that's...
935 00:48:15 That's a lot of texts, Jack.
936 00:48:17 - Now that I'm here... - Yeah.
937 00:48:20 Yeah, I can just tell you.
938 00:48:23 I um...
939 00:48:25 I kind of can't stop thinking about you.
940 00:48:29 Jack, that is so sweet.
941 00:48:31 You wanna know what I can't stop thinking about?
942 00:48:34 Us. Me and you, we leave this school.
943 00:48:37 We can go backpacking across Europe.
944 00:48:40 Me and you - Eat Pray Love style.
945 00:48:42 I-I can... I can bartend, we'll make it work...
946 00:48:46 Jack.
947 00:48:48 Years ago, somebody asking me to do that with them
948 00:48:51 would have been an absolute dream.
949 00:48:54 But I can't travel with a backpack any more.
950 00:48:58 I need luggage with wheels.
951 00:49:00 I mean, I...
952 00:49:02 Even my carry-on has wheels, Jack.
953 00:49:05 My hips can't really sustain a backpack.
954 00:49:08 They're never the same after a childbirth, you know, but...
955 00:49:11 But it's such a wonderful offer
956 00:49:14 and you're such a terrific guy but...
957 00:49:18 I think what we had the other night
958 00:49:20 was really kind of a one-time special thing.
959 00:49:37 - That was amazing! -That was so nice.
960 00:49:41 My God!
961 00:49:44 My God!
962 00:49:45 - My God! - My God.
963 00:49:47 You are my sexual Dumbledore.
964 00:49:49 - I mean... - What does that mean?
965 00:49:51 Dumbledore, he's from Harry Potter.
966 00:49:54 You know, Harry Potter's, like, mentor...
967 00:49:57 he's got the beard, and he's got the hat.
968 00:49:59 - Dumbledore. - I'm gonna stop you right there.
969 00:50:05 Um...this is just...
970 00:50:07 This will ride you through life.
971 00:50:09 I don't think ever there's a woman that's gonna want you to say
972 00:50:13 that during a sexual encounter
973 00:50:15 you're thinking of her as an old, grey, grizzled wizard.
974 00:50:21 Yeah.
975 00:50:23 - OK. I'm sorry. - So good up until...
976 00:50:26 until you called me an old, grey, male wizard.
977 00:50:29 Wizard talk's gone.
978 00:50:31 - Well... - All right.
979 00:50:33 OK, well, um...
980 00:50:36 - I'd better... - See you later?
981 00:50:39 No, no, no. That was the last...
982 00:50:42 That was the last time...
983 00:50:44 - You said that earlier. - I know.
984 00:50:46 I know, but your wrist got involved and I got distracted, so...
985 00:50:52 Last time. OK.
986 00:50:55 OK, that's it. And we're done.
987 00:50:57 It's a clean... clean break.
988 00:51:00 You know what? Just a finale.
989 00:51:06 OK. I'll text you.
990 00:51:10 OK, I'll miss that. I'll miss that.
991 00:51:12 OK. You go that way. I'll go this way.
992 00:51:16 Damn it, man.
993 00:51:20 My God!
994 00:51:23 Come on, come on, come on.
995 00:51:24 Hello?
996 00:51:26 What are you doing?
997 00:51:27 I think my forks have oxidised.
998 00:51:30 I'm just... I'm trying to get it off.
999 00:51:32 - What are you doing? - I just had sex in the library.
1000 00:51:34 - What? - I just had sex in the library.
1001 00:51:37 You had what?
1002 00:51:39 I... I just had sex in the library.
1003 00:51:41 You had sex in a library?
1004 00:51:44 - Frank! - No, don't tell Frank.
1005 00:51:45 - Deanna just had sex in a public place. - What? Where?
1006 00:51:48 - In the stacks! - In her slacks?
1007 00:51:51 No. Shut up, Frank.
1008 00:51:54 Hang on for one second.
1009 00:51:59 You know what? I have to go. I'll call you later.
1010 00:52:03 Can you believe this, Frank?
1011 00:52:05 Good for Deanna.
1012 00:52:08 Frank?
1013 00:52:13 Why don't we ever have sex in public?
1014 00:52:16 Because, honey, last time you blew your knee out
1015 00:52:19 and I had to carry you out of Six Flags.
1016 00:52:25 But I do like those fuzzy socks.
1017 00:52:27 Frank.
1018 00:52:31 Thanks for coming, Mom. Debbie's really freaking out.
1019 00:52:33 It sounded serious. I'm gonna make my lasagne.
1020 00:52:38 OK...
1021 00:52:40 Hey, Debbie.
1022 00:52:42 Do you think you're ready to maybe start talking about it now?
1023 00:52:45 She went to a job fair and now she's all freaked out.
1024 00:52:48 I thought fairs were supposed to be fun. This one wasn't fun at all.
1025 00:52:51 I don't even know what I really wanna do with my life.
1026 00:52:54 - Why did I study kinesiology? - That's...
1027 00:52:57 I mean, that's basically like physical therapy, right?
1028 00:53:00 Kind of, but not as useful.
1029 00:53:01 It's the theoretical study of human movement.
1030 00:53:04 OK. Wow.
1031 00:53:06 I can see that does feel slightly limited
1032 00:53:10 in employment opportunities.
1033 00:53:14 I took out $45,000 in student loans and what am I ready for? Nothing.
1034 00:53:18 OK, come on. You can't make such a big deal out of everything.
1035 00:53:22 Ladies, you gotta have a little faith in yourselves.
1036 00:53:24 I spent 20 years just giving it all away. I worried about what other people thought.
1037 00:53:29 I worried about what they thought I should be doing. Never what I thought.
1038 00:53:32 Look at me now. I'm living in a dorm with a roommate
1039 00:53:35 that I'm pretty sure watches me while I sleep.
1040 00:53:37 I got the clothes on my back. I got nothing.
1041 00:53:39 The last 20 years of my life have been a real shit show.
1042 00:53:42 Thank you.
1043 00:53:44 Not meaning you... I mean...
1044 00:53:46 You know... You know what I mean. I just...
1045 00:53:48 Give me those fingers.
1046 00:53:49 Every single little thing about you is a dream.
1047 00:53:53 I wouldn't change any of that.
1048 00:53:54 The rest, I would like to rewind that clock
1049 00:53:57 and 20 years ago start speaking up for myself, so that's my point.
1050 00:54:01 You gals are terrific. You're not quitters.
1051 00:54:04 I'm afraid I'm never gonna be in a real relationship.
1052 00:54:06 Amanda! Come on!
1053 00:54:08 - Come on! - I'm so sorry.
1054 00:54:10 Honey, if you can't use what the good Lord made you and make that work,
1055 00:54:15 then what the hell hope do any of us have?
1056 00:54:17 - None. - You're all amazing. I mean, look at you.
1057 00:54:20 You're all lovely here and you're smart and you're wonderful
1058 00:54:24 and you're weird, in the best, best way.
1059 00:54:27 I just... I mean, if you look...
1060 00:54:28 My God! Look at Carol's legs.
1061 00:54:30 Legs for days.
1062 00:54:32 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
1063 00:54:33 Just enjoy 'em, for God's sakes.
1064 00:54:35 Just... We all have to realise everybody's great, right?
1065 00:54:39 And this is good. OK?
1066 00:54:41 And this is good, and this is good, and these are good.
1067 00:54:43 - And this is... My God! - Mom, do not touch Amanda's butt!
1068 00:54:46 You know what it makes me think of?
1069 00:54:48 It's like a three-day-old loaf of bread.
1070 00:54:50 It's firmer, but it's kept its original shape.
1071 00:54:53 Now, I... I think I've just been looser structurally.
1072 00:54:56 You know, I could explain to you the differences in your bodies.
1073 00:55:00 But only as it pertains to movement.
1074 00:55:01 Look what's happening right now. Look what's happening right...
1075 00:55:05 You're using your degree.
1076 00:55:06 - You're doing it! - I am.
1077 00:55:09 You guys, there's a party tonight at Deltas and it's '80s themed.
1078 00:55:12 So, ladies, time to crush a party.
1079 00:55:15 I brought my dress-up trunk.
1080 00:55:18 Girls Just Want To Have Fun
1081 00:55:26 I come home in the morning light
1082 00:55:29 My mother says when you gonna live your life right?
1083 00:55:34 Mother dear... - I told you we should have done Dynasty.
1084 00:55:37 Why do they all look so good?
1085 00:55:39 - Welcome to the '80s! - Thank you.
1086 00:55:42 Hey! Theta Gammas!
1087 00:55:44 Hi, there! Well, I'm not officially a member.
1088 00:55:47 I'm a little too young to join a sorority.
1089 00:55:51 No!
1090 00:55:54 Don't drink that.
1091 00:55:55 This is a 2017 Italian Chardonnay.
1092 00:55:59 - Jack... - Yeah, it's truly one of a kind.
1093 00:56:01 Very oaky, very buttery.
1094 00:56:03 Because it was a hot and dry fall this year in Italy.
1095 00:56:05 So, the grapes are very, very succulent.
1096 00:56:08 Well, far be from me to turn down a succulent grape.
1097 00:56:12 You're being really weird with the grape descriptions.
1098 00:56:15 It's lovely. It really is.
1099 00:56:17 Hey, Grandma.
1100 00:56:20 Hey, Jack, could you help me track down a drink?
1101 00:56:24 OK, Jennifer, there's a keg out back.
1102 00:56:27 There's also boxed wine.
1103 00:56:29 You know what? I think we're gonna go take a little spin around,
1104 00:56:32 try to figure out who shot JR.
1105 00:56:35 Someone was shot?
1106 00:56:37 No. No! God, no, it's from Dallas.
1107 00:56:40 It's a television programme.
1108 00:56:41 OK, I'll explain it.
1109 00:56:45 Hey, if there's anything else I can get for you...
1110 00:56:49 Seriously, anything. More wine...
1111 00:56:51 Anything, honestly, just, just... just let me know.
1112 00:56:54 OK, thanks, Jack.
1113 00:56:57 I love what's left of your top.
1114 00:57:03 So, what's your deal, man?
1115 00:57:05 I don't know.
1116 00:57:07 She makes me so nervous. Can you tell?
1117 00:57:11 Yeah.
1118 00:57:16 Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
1119 00:57:20 Get into my...
1120 00:57:25 I know this one.
1121 00:57:27 - No, Mom. - I know this one.
1122 00:57:28 Get it!
1123 00:57:30 Apache
1124 00:57:40 - Your mom can dance? - I guess so.
1125 00:57:43 Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it
1126 00:57:51 Kemosabe, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it
1127 00:58:00 Custer, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it
1128 00:58:08 Apache, jump on it, jump on it
1129 00:58:16 It's a car!
1130 00:58:17 Yeah, I can see that. Yes, Mom!
1131 00:58:20 What a woman!
1132 00:58:21 - You're doing so well! - I'm so hot.
1133 00:58:24 You know so many moves!
1134 00:58:26 Get back in there. Go get her!
1135 00:58:29 Jump on it
1136 00:58:33 I got hair hit.
1137 00:58:35 Jump on it, jump on it
1138 00:58:44 I'm good!
1139 00:58:51 I'm so happy you're here.
1140 00:58:53 I am too, honey!
1141 00:58:56 OK.
1142 00:59:02 Hi! You need some friends and some vitamin D.
1143 00:59:05 OK, pal. Sunscreen's on my desk.
1144 00:59:09 Thank you, best friend.
1145 00:59:12 Come on, girls!
1146 00:59:14 This is our moment!
1147 00:59:19 - Hi, Deanna! - Hi, guys!
1148 00:59:21 Rebecca, I'll see you in lab.
1149 00:59:23 There she is.
1150 00:59:27 No legs!
1151 00:59:39 Yes!
1152 00:59:44 Hey, Dee!
1153 00:59:46 Have a good day.
1154 00:59:49 Bye, Jack.
1155 00:59:59 Ssh. Be careful.
1156 01:00:01 I can't see out of my holes!
1157 01:00:02 Guys, why did I have to do this?
1158 01:00:04 Just hold her up, so we can get her head in there.
1159 01:00:09 - My God! - Aw, kidnapping?
1160 01:00:11 - No! Leonor! - Come on.
1161 01:00:13 No!
1162 01:00:17 Hello?
1163 01:00:19 Is there....
1164 01:00:23 Deanna Miles, welcome to your trial by fire.
1165 01:00:26 What is that device that's making your voice so strange?
1166 01:00:30 It's a voice modulator!
1167 01:00:31 Everybody, take off your masks.
1168 01:00:35 My face got so hot under there.
1169 01:00:38 God, Debbie, what's wrong with your face?
1170 01:00:41 I'm allergic to latex.
1171 01:00:43 Then why would you put the mask on?
1172 01:00:45 I just wanted to be a team player.
1173 01:00:48 Deanna Miles, are you ready to become an honorary member of Theta Mu Gamma?
1174 01:00:54 Really? Is that what this is about?
1175 01:00:57 Wow, ladies! I mean, as long as it's...
1176 01:00:59 Is that OK with Maddie?
1177 01:01:01 It was my idea, Mom.
1178 01:01:05 Maddie Miles, please untie your mother.
1179 01:01:08 Am I supposed to act scared or anything or can I...
1180 01:01:10 - No. - OK.
1181 01:01:11 - Just be yourself. - OK.
1182 01:01:12 Thank you, honey.
1183 01:01:15 Linda, please bring forth the candle.
1184 01:01:18 Where's Linda?
1185 01:01:21 - Welcome. - Thank you, Linda.
1186 01:01:24 Now you will be presented with the sacred paddle.
1187 01:01:28 Welcome, Dee Rock.
1188 01:01:32 Carol, my...your brushwork
1189 01:01:33 is absolutely lovely.
1190 01:01:36 They're actually just stickers, but...
1191 01:01:38 Maddie, please spank your mother with the ceremonial paddle.
1192 01:01:43 No, I'm not... I'm not paddling my mother.
1193 01:01:46 Come on, Maddie.
1194 01:01:47 Maddie, team player!
1195 01:01:48 You know what? I have to ask. Has everybody else been paddled?
1196 01:01:52 Because I don't wanna be the stick in the mud.
1197 01:01:55 Should I crouch? I'm assuming I should take a crouched position.
1198 01:01:58 I crouched.
1199 01:02:00 I want the full Greek experience because I've always wondered...
1200 01:02:07 God, that hit bone!
1201 01:02:08 - Mom. - Maddie!
1202 01:02:10 I'm sorry.
1203 01:02:12 Mom.
1204 01:02:13 Is someone still hitting me?
1205 01:02:15 - I'm not touching you! - I feel it!
1206 01:02:18 They're like phantom pains except they're real!
1207 01:02:23 Get off of me!
1208 01:02:25 God.
1209 01:02:27 I thought I was gonna vomit.
1210 01:02:30 No.
1211 01:02:32 I'm sorry...
1212 01:02:33 if I may have raised my voice.
1213 01:02:36 - Are you OK, Dee Rock? - It's like when you stub a toe.
1214 01:02:39 You just... You skyrocket
1215 01:02:41 and then 30 seconds later, you didn't lose the toe,
1216 01:02:46 which you swore 30 seconds earlier...
1217 01:02:48 "I'm gonna lose the toe."
1218 01:02:50 Right? We've all been at that bedpost.
1219 01:02:53 - Are you ready to continue? - I'd love to.
1220 01:02:55 All right.
1221 01:02:56 By the power vested in me by this great state and educational facility,
1222 01:03:01 I declare you a member of Theta Mu Gamma.
1223 01:03:09 My gosh!
1224 01:03:10 I just wanna say, I mean, pound sign, hashtag gratitude.
1225 01:03:15 Right here.
1226 01:03:16 And there's cake upstairs!
1227 01:03:21 Cake!
1228 01:03:24 She's allergic. She...
1229 01:03:26 Honey, you're allergic.
1230 01:03:27 Not tonight!
1231 01:03:34 All right.
1232 01:03:35 Exciting day. Hello to you, class.
1233 01:03:37 I am very much looking forward to discovering the treasure
1234 01:03:41 of your mid-term presentations.
1235 01:03:44 - You're not gonna laugh at that? - It's funny.
1236 01:03:46 I'm just... I'm too nervous about this presentation.
1237 01:03:49 - I can't. - OK, tell you what.
1238 01:03:51 Why don't we start off with... No offence to the rest of you!
1239 01:03:54 ..my favourite student?
1240 01:03:55 God. I gotta get some air.
1241 01:03:57 Don't worry about it. It's me. I'm clearly his favourite.
1242 01:04:00 Excuse me. Sorry.
1243 01:04:01 Deanna Miles, would you get us started, please?
1244 01:04:06 God!
1245 01:04:09 I'm um...
1246 01:04:13 - You wanna... - No.
1247 01:04:17 - I know you're gonna knock our socks off. - Thank you.
1248 01:04:20 Deanna Miles is gonna start us off, everybody. Lights.
1249 01:04:25 I didn't expect that.
1250 01:04:29 Hello.
1251 01:04:32 God.
1252 01:04:33 Sorry.
1253 01:04:42 I didn't... Is it a crank?
1254 01:04:45 It's a crank.
1255 01:04:46 I'm sorry, I just need to...
1256 01:04:50 We are gonna...
1257 01:04:52 I'm here to... God!
1258 01:04:55 I'm sorry.
1259 01:04:57 I'm so sorry.
1260 01:04:58 Is it part of the core curriculum that I must use the podium?
1261 01:05:03 Of course not. No, not at all.
1262 01:05:05 OK. I'm going to opt to not use that.
1263 01:05:14 She's totally pitting out.
1264 01:05:16 She's gonna be fine.
1265 01:05:21 I'm here...
1266 01:05:22 Too loud, too loud.
1267 01:05:24 I'm here to discuss...
1268 01:05:26 not an exciting find but rather an exciting truth.
1269 01:05:32 The tomb of Attila the Hun,
1270 01:05:35 thought to be in Budapest, Hungary, in 2014,
1271 01:05:40 but was in fact a hoax.
1272 01:05:42 But how do we know?
1273 01:05:45 How do we know?
1274 01:05:47 Ms Miles, are you OK?
1275 01:05:49 Yes. I'm fine. Just...
1276 01:05:51 You know what? If I could just maybe get into a couple of those tissues...
1277 01:05:56 Of course.
1278 01:06:01 - I'm sorry. - No.
1279 01:06:02 You may wanna check with your HVAC guy because something's going on in here.
1280 01:06:11 - Thank you. - You've got...
1281 01:06:16 Thank you. That's better.
1282 01:06:19 Tissue.
1283 01:06:21 My God.
1284 01:06:26 My God.
1285 01:06:32 Historically...
1286 01:06:34 Historically, the Huns have...
1287 01:06:39 Could I just have a small... small sip of water from someone?
1288 01:06:45 Can I... Do you mind if I just...
1289 01:06:47 Thank you so much. Thank you.
1290 01:06:51 Don't be a dick now.
1291 01:07:01 That is surprisingly challenging my body.
1292 01:07:04 - Wayne! - Deanna.
1293 01:07:08 Girl.
1294 01:07:12 I think it's OK now.
1295 01:07:16 So sorry for that.
1296 01:07:24 allegedly that had many human... skeletons,
1297 01:07:28 and many various different kinds of horse skeletons,
1298 01:07:33 ie, carcasses,
1299 01:07:36 to enable them to come into the next dimension.
1300 01:07:40 Are there any questions...?
1301 01:07:44 - Deanna? - No. OK...
1302 01:07:47 Ms Miles! Ms Miles!
1303 01:07:49 Dee Rock!
1304 01:07:51 How did I do?
1305 01:07:53 Girl, you sweat through your pants.
1306 01:07:55 No. I love these pants.
1307 01:08:04 It was the first time I've taken a look at his entire portfolio.
1308 01:08:07 And I looked at him and I said, "Tom, your 401 is 401 not OK."
1309 01:08:15 Interesting.
1310 01:08:16 Sounds like a really exciting business.
1311 01:08:18 I'm glad to see you.
1312 01:08:20 - Yeah, me, too. - I'm glad you called me.
1313 01:08:22 You're being quiet tonight. What is it?
1314 01:08:24 No, I'm enjoying the wine, and the neat banter.
1315 01:08:27 My God. We're too old and boring for you now.
1316 01:08:30 - Don't say that. That's not true. - I knew it. Don't dump me.
1317 01:08:33 - I'm not gonna dump you. - I mean it.
1318 01:08:35 I will leave Frank. In a heartbeat.
1319 01:08:38 I don't give two rats' asses about Amy and Bill.
1320 01:08:41 - Excuse me? - Your jokes make me wanna kill myself.
1321 01:08:44 They're not very good.
1322 01:08:45 No, they're the worst.
1323 01:08:47 That's... That's fair.
1324 01:08:49 - My God. - My God.
1325 01:08:52 - Those pricks are here. - Who?
1326 01:08:54 - They can't see me. - Where are you going?
1327 01:08:56 - What are you doing? - Maybe they're going the other...
1328 01:08:59 I can't believe... I did not know they were gonna be here.
1329 01:09:03 - Well... - Here it is. Found my contact.
1330 01:09:05 Hey, gang. What's the good word?
1331 01:09:10 What a surprise! I didn't know you were here.
1332 01:09:12 - You guys know Marcie, right? - Yeah.
1333 01:09:14 - I don't think I introduced you. - Hi. Hello.
1334 01:09:16 Pleasure. It's great.
1335 01:09:17 What is... What is on your lobe, Dan?
1336 01:09:22 It's an earring. It works for Harrison Ford.
1337 01:09:25 Sure does.
1338 01:09:26 Harrison Ford blew up the Death Star and freed a galaxy.
1339 01:09:29 What have you done, Dan?
1340 01:09:30 Six-minute abs. He completed the 30-day challenge of six-minute abs.
1341 01:09:33 My goal is to have a washboard.
1342 01:09:35 Now, Deanna, what are you up to? You still pretending to go to college?
1343 01:09:39 Because you know, Dan can't foot that bill forever.
1344 01:09:41 What was the word we learned in Italy for "pathetic"?
1345 01:09:45 - I don't remember any more. - I do. It was Deanna.
1346 01:09:48 Pathetico in Italian. Pathetic, pathetico.
1347 01:09:51 Bill, you look like Orson Welles had a stroke and stayed that way.
1348 01:09:57 Not the first time I've heard it.
1349 01:09:59 God, I hate him so much. I hate him so much.
1350 01:10:02 He's hateable.
1351 01:10:04 Deanna, I wanted to speak to you privately for a second.
1352 01:10:07 No. I don't have any time for you and I will never have any time for you again.
1353 01:10:12 Fine. I was going to say, Marcie and I have some big news.
1354 01:10:16 We're getting married next week.
1355 01:10:18 Small ceremony but super classy.
1356 01:10:20 Mazel tov!
1357 01:10:21 Shut up, Bill!
1358 01:10:23 What the hell is wrong with you?
1359 01:10:25 They said they were getting married. We should... Mazel tov!
1360 01:10:29 Read the room, Bill.
1361 01:10:31 Thank you. That was very kind.
1362 01:10:33 I'm not Jewish, but thank you.
1363 01:10:35 This is a bona fide shit show.
1364 01:10:38 I was hoping for a "congratulations".
1365 01:10:40 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
1366 01:10:42 - Can I get you any starters, appetisers? - Jack!
1367 01:10:46 - What...? - Deanna.
1368 01:10:47 Wow, you look...stunning.
1369 01:10:51 I don't know.
1370 01:10:53 - Um...this is my mom. - What?
1371 01:10:56 Mom, this is who I was telling you about. The girl.
1372 01:10:59 - No. - What?
1373 01:11:00 - No! - What am I hearing?
1374 01:11:02 What's happening?
1375 01:11:04 Jack, you told me you were seeing a college girl named Dee Dee.
1376 01:11:08 Yeah, she came to the frat house and we met at a party.
1377 01:11:13 That's not what you meant.
1378 01:11:15 Gosh!
1379 01:11:17 She had sex with your son!
1380 01:11:19 She had sex with your son and she called me right after.
1381 01:11:22 Because we are friends!
1382 01:11:24 My goodness!
1383 01:11:26 Everybody, she slept with her son in a library!
1384 01:11:33 This is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of.
1385 01:11:35 - I get it. - Cheers.
1386 01:11:36 It's just a cruel joke. It's cruel, and you're right.
1387 01:11:39 You know what? I might deserve it. I've been rough on you, but come on,
1388 01:11:42 seriously, did you have intercourse with my son?
1389 01:11:47 Did you?
1390 01:11:51 In terms of your question of like, did anything happen between us?
1391 01:11:57 Have we slept together?
1392 01:11:59 Yeah. Yeah, we have.
1393 01:12:02 And I rocked...his world.
1394 01:12:04 - My God! - Come on.
1395 01:12:06 Well, best night of my life.
1396 01:12:09 I'll drink to that.
1397 01:12:12 All right. Bye, Jack.
1398 01:12:15 Whoa! That's my girl! That's my lady!
1399 01:12:21 Nice to finally meet you, Jack.
1400 01:12:23 I love you!
1401 01:12:25 I love you! You're my hero! Whoa!
1402 01:12:28 I need... I'm gonna check on Dee Dee.
1403 01:12:36 - Dee Rock! - Dee!
1404 01:12:38 Dee, where are you? There she is!
1405 01:12:39 - Hi! How are you? - I heard you had sex in here!
1406 01:12:41 - So good to see you. - My God, you guys. Ssh.
1407 01:12:44 - What are you doing here? - We're here to get you out of here.
1408 01:12:47 No. Why?
1409 01:12:48 Your ding-dong ex-husband's getting married tonight.
1410 01:12:51 You were here for our girl when she was freaking out.
1411 01:12:53 You've been there for all of us.
1412 01:12:55 Let us be there for you.
1413 01:12:57 My friend Lance who I was in a coma with is having a gathering this evening.
1414 01:13:00 His place is kind of a dump, but it'll be fun!
1415 01:13:02 No. You know what? I'm pretty much partied out.
1416 01:13:05 I just wanna stay in for the night
1417 01:13:07 - and hit the books. - Please!
1418 01:13:08 I'm sorry, Dee. I'm sorry. I'm not taking this.
1419 01:13:11 You should not be alone tonight, so...
1420 01:13:13 - No! - I'm afraid you don't have an option.
1421 01:13:15 Yeah, this is not like those other parties. It's jazz night!
1422 01:13:18 OK. You know what?
1423 01:13:20 You're right. If I stay here any longer,
1424 01:13:22 I'm just gonna keep thinking about that wedding.
1425 01:13:24 Yeah, she's probably getting her dress on.
1426 01:13:27 Hair and make-up, going over her vows.
1427 01:13:29 OK, you know what? Let's just go.
1428 01:13:33 No! No!
1429 01:13:37 You know, Lance, I have to say, you know, you have a lovely, lovely home here.
1430 01:13:42 Are you sure tonight is a party?
1431 01:13:43 Sorry. Lance, what's going on? Where is everybody?
1432 01:13:46 - You promised me a jazz party. - I know.
1433 01:13:47 You got people doing role-playing games. And Tuesday night is jazz.
1434 01:13:51 - Thursday night is role-playing. - I know. It's my bad.
1435 01:13:53 I tried to combine them and I'm regretting that choice now
1436 01:13:56 because I feel like I'm losing the jazz crowd
1437 01:13:58 and I've also lost the role-playing crowd.
1438 01:14:00 Taking a ding on both sides.
1439 01:14:02 Yeah, it's like a double loss, really.
1440 01:14:04 You know what? I'm having a wonderful time
1441 01:14:06 and I have to say, I cannot stay out of this unbelievable choc...
1442 01:14:12 You are quite a gifted chocolatier. I mean...
1443 01:14:14 - They're really good. - I don't usually like chocolate.
1444 01:14:17 I just started eating because I was nervous but it's really good.
1445 01:14:20 It is a weed bark. So, maybe...
1446 01:14:22 I would probably hold off from having any more.
1447 01:14:25 - Just cos... - What is it?
1448 01:14:27 I have a medicinal marijuana card for early-onset glaucoma.
1449 01:14:32 No.
1450 01:14:33 - No, it's not. - No, it most certainly is.
1451 01:14:36 Lance, damn it! Why'd you put out chocolate weed bark? You gotta label that.
1452 01:14:39 I am so sorry. It is...
1453 01:14:41 I've had 14. I've eaten a lot of bark.
1454 01:14:44 - I've eaten a lot of bark too. - So much bark.
1455 01:14:46 So much bark.
1456 01:14:48 I just wanted to hear some Miles Davis, you know.
1457 01:14:50 I'm sorry.
1458 01:14:52 Is that it? Because I'm starting to feel a little fungly.
1459 01:14:56 Yeah, it's pretty powerful stuff.
1460 01:14:58 Fungly. Fun-Fungle. Fungl-y.
1461 01:15:01 You have such pretty eyes.
1462 01:15:06 Thank you.
1463 01:15:10 My tongue is so big.
1464 01:15:17 The final countdown!
1465 01:15:20 That was recognisable.
1466 01:15:22 Really good jam. I'm just gonna...
1467 01:15:25 - Can I get in here? - Please.
1468 01:15:26 It's so comfy.
1469 01:15:27 OK, wait. I...
1470 01:15:29 was thinking about something...
1471 01:15:31 and if I do marry Jack...
1472 01:15:34 No! Just listen. Wait, wait.
1473 01:15:36 That would make Marcie my stepmom...
1474 01:15:39 and that would make Dan my new stepdad.
1475 01:15:43 And then I would have to say things like, "Nuh-Dan. You're not my real dad.
1476 01:15:48 You can't tell me what to do.
1477 01:15:49 Give me the car!"
1478 01:15:53 Or, wait a minute... Or...
1479 01:15:55 I could flip it.
1480 01:15:58 And I could make peace with Dan.
1481 01:16:00 What a great teaching lesson, right, that would be for Maddie
1482 01:16:03 to see forgiveness and truly being the better person.
1483 01:16:07 - That's better. - You're so smart.
1484 01:16:09 You gotta go to that wedding.
1485 01:16:12 Are we doing it?
1486 01:16:13 My God. We're doing it!
1487 01:16:18 Dan, when I first saw you, I thought the kerb appeal wasn't great,
1488 01:16:25 the layout was a bit dated
1489 01:16:27 and the kitchen a little small for my liking.
1490 01:16:30 Dee Rock, good for you.
1491 01:16:32 You're being the better person.
1492 01:16:34 Thank you. That's the whole plan.
1493 01:16:35 I'm gonna see Dan, I'm gonna shake his hand,
1494 01:16:37 I'm gonna extend an olive branch to him and...
1495 01:16:41 What? He... He's taking her name!
1496 01:16:45 Who does...
1497 01:16:46 Men don't do that.
1498 01:16:48 I tried to do that and he told me it was silly.
1499 01:16:54 That is a very alarming picture.
1500 01:16:57 Hey! I mean, is...
1501 01:16:59 Is that a shot at me?
1502 01:17:01 - ...yeah. - I think so.
1503 01:17:12 You know what? Dan just lost his olive branch.
1504 01:17:19 Like the way I work it Then I bend it over show 'em shots
1505 01:17:22 All these hoes around here sitting on they ass shots
1506 01:17:24 He think he finna hit it like the way he rocks his fitted when he's round
1507 01:17:27 Don't make me throw it down
1508 01:17:32 Don't make me throw it down
1509 01:17:36 Throw it down
1510 01:17:40 Down
1511 01:17:45 D-Down
1512 01:17:58 Down
1513 01:18:02 Down
1514 01:18:09 One second.
1515 01:18:13 Deanna, what the hell is wrong with you?
1516 01:18:15 My God!
1517 01:18:17 My God!
1518 01:18:19 Hey, Dan.
1519 01:18:23 Marcie... You're...
1520 01:18:26 a big Beetlejuice fan?
1521 01:18:28 Mom!
1522 01:18:30 Hey, honey. That's...
1523 01:18:34 I think we may have just gotten slightly...
1524 01:18:38 You know, I think... I think if we all kind of work together...
1525 01:18:42 we can have this shipshape and...
1526 01:18:45 you won't even know, or it will be better.
1527 01:18:48 Mom, why did you do this?
1528 01:18:50 You know, it's a great um...question.
1529 01:18:54 I mean, I actually came here...
1530 01:18:57 fully with the intention of offering an olive branch.
1531 01:19:00 Then I don't know if it was the crazy wedding propaganda in the hallway
1532 01:19:04 or, you know, was it the bark high that I'm on?
1533 01:19:08 Shut up. You are, as of this moment, completely financially cut off.
1534 01:19:13 - What? - Not one more penny for you.
1535 01:19:16 Dad.
1536 01:19:19 Would it help if I just...
1537 01:19:20 You know, you...
1538 01:19:22 You did a good job.
1539 01:19:24 - It looks good. - It did.
1540 01:19:25 - It did look good. - It was pretty.
1541 01:19:28 - I think you all should leave. - OK.
1542 01:19:36 The other way.
1543 01:19:43 Get out!
1544 01:19:46 Thank you.
1545 01:19:48 The cake was really good.
1546 01:19:50 You got a blender.
1547 01:20:03 Hey! Look! I got your favourite.
1548 01:20:08 You haven't been returning any of my calls.
1549 01:20:10 Yeah, I've been pretty busy destroying hotel banquet rooms
1550 01:20:13 - and crashing weddings. - OK. I get you're upset.
1551 01:20:16 No, Mom. I don't think you do.
1552 01:20:18 Is this why you went back to college? So you could act like some dumb frat guy?
1553 01:20:22 Cos I actually thought you wanted to learn something.
1554 01:20:24 But you've just been getting stoned and sleeping with guys half your age.
1555 01:20:28 OK, Jack is not half my...age.
1556 01:20:31 My God, I think he's less than half my age.
1557 01:20:34 OK, I hear you and you're right.
1558 01:20:37 Which is why I'm leaving school.
1559 01:20:39 What?
1560 01:20:41 I'm gonna drop out of school, honey.
1561 01:20:44 You know, it wasn't that easy for me getting used to you being here.
1562 01:20:47 And now I actually did and you're just giving up?
1563 01:20:50 You said the one thing you regret most in your life
1564 01:20:52 is not finishing school and now you're gonna do it again?
1565 01:20:56 You know what I regret?
1566 01:20:57 I regret that when you look back on your senior year of college,
1567 01:21:01 all you're gonna think about is your mom's crazy mid-life crisis.
1568 01:21:04 That's what I regret.
1569 01:21:06 The worst part is I don't think I was being a very good mom to you lately.
1570 01:21:10 And I'm so... I'm so sorry about that.
1571 01:21:13 No, it's OK.
1572 01:21:14 It's not OK, actually.
1573 01:21:16 Not one bit. Not with me, shouldn't be with you.
1574 01:21:20 And I'm... I'm gonna do better.
1575 01:21:22 - I love you, Mom. - I love you, too.
1576 01:21:25 You're so great.
1577 01:21:26 What are we gonna do?
1578 01:21:29 You can start by drinking that.
1579 01:21:30 Let's go round up the girls and... tell them all about it.
1580 01:21:35 I don't get it. Why are you leaving school?
1581 01:21:38 Well, I'm in a bit of a tricky position, financially.
1582 01:21:42 So, for right now I can't cover my tuition and it's over.
1583 01:21:47 It's never over!
1584 01:21:49 Was it over when I fell into a coma?
1585 01:21:51 Well, for eight years, it was.
1586 01:21:53 That's an awesome point, Amanda.
1587 01:21:54 But now I'm back and I'm kicking ass.
1588 01:21:56 Just like Dee Rock here.
1589 01:21:58 She's gonna kick ass and graduate and get a job
1590 01:22:01 and become the next Indiana Jones.
1591 01:22:04 - Come here. - Please don't go.
1592 01:22:07 You guys, we can't let this happen to my mom a second time.
1593 01:22:10 She deserves to graduate. We gotta help her.
1594 01:22:12 OK, in order to finish, Dee Rock needs in the neighbourhood of...
1595 01:22:16 No, it's almost $12,000.
1596 01:22:18 - My God! - I don't have that kind of money.
1597 01:22:21 You know what? This isn't your problem to solve, ladies. You can let this go!
1598 01:22:25 - Can I say something? -Yes, Debbie, just say it.
1599 01:22:28 Say it.
1600 01:22:29 OK, we throw a party to raise money to keep Glenn in school.
1601 01:22:32 Deb, we can't raise that much money from a party.
1602 01:22:35 We don't throw just any party.
1603 01:22:37 We throw the best party this school has ever seen.
1604 01:22:40 If we charge $40 a head...
1605 01:22:43 - 1,000 students... - OK.
1606 01:22:45 ..that is $4,000.
1607 01:22:50 - No, it's not. - No. That's $40,000.
1608 01:22:53 What? Done!
1609 01:23:00 No, but they might pay 20.
1610 01:23:01 Which is $200,000.
1611 01:23:03 No, $20,000.
1612 01:23:06 - Helen, come on. - No, honey.
1613 01:23:07 But that's way more money than we need to keep Mom in school.
1614 01:23:10 What do you say, Mom?
1615 01:23:12 - Come on, Glenn. - Please.
1616 01:23:15 I say you ladies are pretty remarkable.
1617 01:23:18 I mean, to be this age
1618 01:23:19 and to have your whole world turned upside down
1619 01:23:23 and to come out with friends like you on the other side
1620 01:23:25 is quite a thing, really.
1621 01:23:28 And I'm proud to be your sister.
1622 01:23:30 And I'm so proud to be your mom and I'm proud of you.
1623 01:23:33 I'm proud of you.
1624 01:23:36 And I'm so worried about the math skills in this room.
1625 01:23:41 I don't mean to single you out
1626 01:23:42 but, Helen, I'm staring right down the barrel at you.
1627 01:23:47 And I'm starting to think that maybe this party plan just might work!
1628 01:23:53 Come on, Mom.
1629 01:23:54 No! I don't know!
1630 01:23:56 All right, I'm down to clown!
1631 01:24:00 This is going to be epic!
1632 01:24:08 OK. No one wants to show up first to a party.
1633 01:24:11 I'm sure lots of people are gonna come.
1634 01:24:13 Guess everyone's at the Christina Aguilera concert.
1635 01:24:16 - What? That's tonight? - Yeah.
1636 01:24:19 My God. We don't stand a chance.
1637 01:24:21 All right, ladies,
1638 01:24:23 we gotta do something drastic.
1639 01:24:25 Because this is not working.
1640 01:24:28 You know, I don't wanna be a negative Nelly
1641 01:24:31 but that is a tough pic, guys.
1642 01:24:33 You look happy and scared.
1643 01:24:36 I do, don't I?
1644 01:24:38 - All right. - I like it.
1645 01:24:39 Screw this. Give me your phone.
1646 01:24:41 Why? What do you want?
1647 01:24:43 I'm gonna tweet out a juicier carrot.
1648 01:24:49 - Maddie! - You're crazy.
1649 01:24:51 What is it? What did you do?
1650 01:24:52 I just tweeted to Helen's three million followers
1651 01:24:55 that Christina Aguilera is gonna come to the party after her concert tonight.
1652 01:24:59 My God! My God! My God!
1653 01:25:02 I love Christina Aguilera!
1654 01:25:04 She's the only person I ever had a poster of.
1655 01:25:06 She's not actually coming, Debbie.
1656 01:25:08 But nobody needs to know that.
1657 01:25:10 How do you have three million followers?
1658 01:25:13 Coma Girl. I'm a medical mystery.
1659 01:25:15 Now, Maddie, I don't know. There's a real...
1660 01:25:18 fibbing element to that that I don't like.
1661 01:25:23 Do you think it'll work?
1662 01:25:26 I believed it.
1663 01:25:33 I think it's definitely working.
1664 01:25:35 Hell yeah, it is.
1665 01:25:38 Hey, here you go. Have fun!
1666 01:25:40 Thanks for posting about Christina. I couldn't get tickets.
1667 01:25:43 - Coma Girl rules. - Thank you!
1668 01:25:45 All right.
1669 01:25:46 - Thank you. - It's amazing.
1670 01:25:48 I'm tired of doing this.
1671 01:25:50 No, Helen, we can't all...
1672 01:25:51 Hey! When's Christina getting here?
1673 01:25:53 - Guys... - Yeah.
1674 01:25:54 Christina's coming. She's the voice of our generation.
1675 01:25:57 - True. - We can wait for her.
1676 01:25:59 ..confession
1677 01:26:00 I'm gonna teach you boys a lesson
1678 01:26:03 - Cheers. - Cheers.
1679 01:26:08 - It's good! - It's not bad!
1680 01:26:09 - Yeah. - Yeah.
1681 01:26:11 Do you wanna meet in the garage in 20 minutes?
1682 01:26:14 - Yes, I do. - Yes, you would.
1683 01:26:16 No, no, no!
1684 01:26:19 God, make better choices.
1685 01:26:21 Um...hey, come on back.
1686 01:26:23 That popped right out of my mouth
1687 01:26:25 when actually I meant to say we're not gonna do that.
1688 01:26:29 The... That's... You don't like the wine?
1689 01:26:33 No, the wine is great and...
1690 01:26:36 and you're great and...
1691 01:26:39 I just think when you meet the right person,
1692 01:26:42 which is not me,
1693 01:26:44 she's gonna be really, really lucky
1694 01:26:47 but I think that we're...
1695 01:26:50 Yeah, we should just really be good friends.
1696 01:26:53 I don't think I can get on board with this, Dee.
1697 01:26:55 Well, I think it's for the best.
1698 01:26:58 - OK. - OK?
1699 01:26:59 Yeah, if you say so.
1700 01:27:01 Hey, Mom, look who's here!
1701 01:27:04 - Hi! - Hi, what are you doing here?
1702 01:27:06 Well, I started following Coma Girl on Twitter
1703 01:27:09 and I came to see...
1704 01:27:12 Xtina!
1705 01:27:14 Yeah!
1706 01:27:15 Hi, Jack. I'm Christine.
1707 01:27:18 We met at the restaurant.
1708 01:27:20 - Yeah, hi. I remember you...both. - My man.
1709 01:27:25 God, I just... I wanna go back to college so bad.
1710 01:27:28 Just go back to Frank. Go back to Frank.
1711 01:27:29 Hey, hey! We're here.
1712 01:27:32 My God! What are they doing here?
1713 01:27:35 I don't wanna be at a party with my mom and dad.
1714 01:27:37 Yeah, that must be so weird for you, Mom.
1715 01:27:40 - Mom. - Sweetheart!
1716 01:27:43 Hi. Hey, Dad.
1717 01:27:45 We heard you were having a party.
1718 01:27:47 So I made a taco salad.
1719 01:27:49 Yeah, I told her a bunch of kids don't want a taco salad.
1720 01:27:51 - I would love to have some taco salad. - Please, yeah! I love taco salad.
1721 01:27:54 - See, I told you! - OK. All right.
1722 01:27:57 Your parents?
1723 01:27:58 Yeah. This is my mom and dad, Mike and Sandy.
1724 01:28:01 - Yeah. - Hello.
1725 01:28:03 Wow! OK. Um...
1726 01:28:05 Wow! A lovely, lovely couple.
1727 01:28:08 It's... It's such a pleasure to meet you.
1728 01:28:10 You've raised...wow! What an incredible woman!
1729 01:28:14 Sorry, I'm Jack Strong.
1730 01:28:16 We've been seeing each other for a little bit now.
1731 01:28:19 Well, I guess we're kind of on a break. Pretty recent.
1732 01:28:22 But I want you both to know
1733 01:28:24 that I'm gonna take the best care of your daughter that I can.
1734 01:28:29 - She means the world to me. - OK.
1735 01:28:31 I... I gotta... I have a gun, son.
1736 01:28:34 No.
1737 01:28:35 We're just gonna walk off.
1738 01:28:37 - Are you kidding me? - All right. No.
1739 01:28:39 Taco salad train. Choo-choo!
1740 01:28:46 Hey, where's Christina Aguilera?
1741 01:28:48 This is false advertising!
1742 01:28:50 Guys, she's coming, OK?
1743 01:28:52 She's gonna be here soon.
1744 01:28:53 Hey...I saw your tweet.
1745 01:28:56 Where's Xtina?
1746 01:28:58 She's not gonna show up, is she?
1747 01:29:00 You guys suck!
1748 01:29:02 If Christina doesn't show soon...
1749 01:29:06 ..I'm gonna put your ass in another coma.
1750 01:29:08 Count of three, bitch.
1751 01:29:10 One, two...
1752 01:29:20 Look, honey, we love you.
1753 01:29:23 We want you to graduate.
1754 01:29:25 This is for you.
1755 01:29:28 What is...
1756 01:29:30 - No. - Yep.
1757 01:29:32 I love you so much, but I'm not gonna let you
1758 01:29:34 take apart your 401 for this.
1759 01:29:36 I got this.
1760 01:29:37 Honey, come on...
1761 01:29:41 Hey! Hey!
1762 01:29:44 - Eat gluten! - I ain't allowed to have gluten!
1763 01:29:46 My God!
1764 01:29:48 Frank, do something!
1765 01:29:49 - What am I gonna do? - I don't know! Do something.
1766 01:29:52 Come on, girls!
1767 01:29:53 Ladies! Hey! Let's break it up!
1768 01:29:58 You!
1769 01:30:02 Her skull is so strong.
1770 01:30:06 Sweetheart, you were so brave.
1771 01:30:08 That's my brave man. Come on, let's go make love in the bathroom.
1772 01:30:11 OK. I can't see, so...just lead me.
1773 01:30:15 There we go.
1774 01:30:17 No! Stop fighting, girls!
1775 01:30:19 - Say night-night. - No! No!
1776 01:30:21 No!
1777 01:30:27 Boy!
1778 01:30:28 - My God, Mom! - Dee Dee!
1779 01:30:30 - She got me in the biscuits! - My God!
1780 01:30:33 I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
1781 01:30:34 You punched Dee Rock? I'm gonna squish you like a grape!
1782 01:30:37 Guys, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! God!
1783 01:30:41 Ladies, we have enough stuff to worry about as women.
1784 01:30:44 - You shouldn't be fighting each other. - I'm sorry, Dee Rock.
1785 01:30:47 I'm sorry I punched you in the mom boob.
1786 01:30:49 - Tell each other sorry. - I'm sorry, Dee Rock.
1787 01:30:51 Thank you.
1788 01:30:56 Ew. That...
1789 01:30:57 I would do it. I would do it. Yeah.
1790 01:31:00 - OK. - OK.
1791 01:31:01 I want one.
1792 01:31:03 Mom, are you OK?
1793 01:31:05 She popped me right in the bosom.
1794 01:31:07 I really got T-boned.
1795 01:31:09 - Mom. - You know, what...
1796 01:31:11 What am I doing here?
1797 01:31:13 I'm lying to these kids. I'm taking their money. I...
1798 01:31:17 I got this.
1799 01:31:18 Hey, everybody, you know what?
1800 01:31:20 Party's over.
1801 01:31:22 Head on back to the door. We're gonna give you a refund.
1802 01:31:24 Christina Aguilera is in no way...
1803 01:31:26 Can I see you for a second?
1804 01:31:28 God bless!
1805 01:31:31 Leonor or Lenore...
1806 01:31:34 you gotta stop doing that.
1807 01:31:35 Can I see you for a second?
1808 01:31:37 Now is not really a good time.
1809 01:31:39 Outside! Now!
1810 01:31:41 Don't make eye contact.
1811 01:31:43 Look at me. Look me in my eyes.
1812 01:31:47 - Look me in my eyes now. - Debbie.
1813 01:31:48 I'm scared.
1814 01:31:50 Look. Look, look.
1815 01:31:52 Come outside.
1816 01:31:53 - Let's go! - If I'm going, you're going.
1817 01:31:56 - I don't wanna go. - We're stronger as a group.
1818 01:31:59 Leonor.
1819 01:32:03 Leonor, what is going on?
1820 01:32:08 Hey, guys. I'm Christina.
1821 01:32:12 - My God! - My God!
1822 01:32:14 - I love you. I love you so much! - I love you, too.
1823 01:32:16 How is this happening?
1824 01:32:18 I knew she wasn't playing at your party cos Christina's my cousin.
1825 01:32:23 We're more like sisters.
1826 01:32:24 She always says that, but we're just cousins.
1827 01:32:27 Isn't she so funny?
1828 01:32:29 That's what I'm always saying to you. I'm always saying you're so funny.
1829 01:32:33 I just can't kind of figure out why you're doing this.
1830 01:32:36 Because you're a good lady.
1831 01:32:39 I mean, you're a sad, older lady
1832 01:32:41 but you're still a good lady that needs help.
1833 01:32:45 Us ladies gotta stick together.
1834 01:32:46 She filled me in about, you know, you being here.
1835 01:32:49 - I support your cause. I wanna do this. - Thank you. God, you're cool!
1836 01:32:52 Where are we doing this thing?
1837 01:32:54 Backyard. We just put up some twinkle lights.
1838 01:32:56 Love twinkle lights but I've got my own lights.
1839 01:32:58 Boys, bring 'em out. Let's go!
1840 01:33:00 Donald, Craig, Jerry, let's go.
1841 01:33:06 Ladies and gentlemen, my cousin, Christina Aguilera.
1842 01:33:11 Get it, girl!
1843 01:33:18 After all you put me through
1844 01:33:20 You'd think I'd despise you
1845 01:33:23 But in the end, I wanna thank you
1846 01:33:25 Because you've made me that much stronger
1847 01:33:27 Well, I thought I knew you
1848 01:33:29 Thinkin' that you were true
1849 01:33:32 Guess I, I couldn't trust
1850 01:33:34 I called your bluff
1851 01:33:36 Because I've had enough
1852 01:33:37 You were there by my side
1853 01:33:40 Always down for the ride
1854 01:33:42 But your joyride just came down in flames
1855 01:33:45 Because your greed sold me out in shame
1856 01:33:47 after all of the stealing and cheating
1857 01:33:51 You probably think that I hold resentment for you
1858 01:33:54 But no, you're wrong
1859 01:33:58 Because if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
1860 01:34:01 I wouldn't know
1861 01:34:02 Just how capable I am to pull through
1862 01:34:05 Yeah! We got it! You got the money!
1863 01:34:08 Because it makes me that much stronger
1864 01:34:11 Makes me work a little bit harder
1865 01:34:13 It makes me that much wiser
1866 01:34:16 So thanks for making me a fighter
1867 01:34:19 This is the best night of my life!
1868 01:34:21 Made my skin a little bit thicker
1869 01:34:23 Makes me that * Much smarter
1870 01:34:26 So thanks for making me a fighter
1871 01:34:43 Just a minute.
1872 01:34:44 It seems... I got it now.
1873 01:34:46 - Got it? - Yeah.
1874 01:34:49 May I just have a minute?
1875 01:34:51 I just... I wanted to thank you for giving me a second chance.
1876 01:34:55 It means a lot to me.
1877 01:34:57 Of course. It's only because it's a requirement to pass the course.
1878 01:35:00 That and the fact you're my favourite student.
1879 01:35:02 - Well... - Break a leg.
1880 01:35:04 - Well... - Let's hope not.
1881 01:35:06 Yeah, sorry.
1882 01:35:07 Um...Deanna Miles, everybody.
1883 01:35:11 Thank you.
1884 01:35:14 Also, this is here if you need it.
1885 01:35:17 Thank you.
1886 01:35:23 Hello.
1887 01:35:30 March 25th, 2014, historian Albert...
1888 01:35:42 had been discovered in Budapest, Hungary.
1889 01:35:45 Now, the...
1890 01:35:49 - Sorry about your eye. - Yeah, it's fine.
1891 01:35:52 Hi!
1892 01:35:53 - It's for her. - That's my mom.
1893 01:35:55 It's important for her. It's emotional support.
1894 01:35:58 I'll give you five bucks.
1895 01:35:59 OK, thanks. OK.
1896 01:36:02 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1897 01:36:06 I'm so sorry for the interruption.
1898 01:36:08 These are my sorority sisters.
1899 01:36:11 Hey. It's me, Helen.
1900 01:36:13 I know.
1901 01:36:14 He knows that.
1902 01:36:17 You got this, Mom.
1903 01:36:24 A group of archaeologists using carbon dating
1904 01:36:28 proved that the grave was in fact a hoax.
1905 01:36:32 There were so many scientists involved that it was...
1906 01:36:38 ..it was standing tomb only.
1907 01:36:45 Thank you. I wasn't sure about that one.
1908 01:36:48 Now I hope that you're all Hungary...
1909 01:36:52 ..for some facts
1910 01:36:53 because I'm about to give you the thrilla about Attila.
1911 01:36:58 Guys, that's my mom. She's killing it!
1912 01:37:00 Go, Dee!
1913 01:37:10 OK, guys, thanks.
1914 01:37:16 Complete, complete hoax.
1915 01:37:18 This person didn't exist, PR fact.
1916 01:37:20 I know. I was shocked when I found out, too.
1917 01:37:23 These young men and women comport themselves
1918 01:37:26 with astounding grace and wisdom.
1919 01:37:28 Every one of them brings tremendous pride
1920 01:37:30 to this hallowed institution.
1921 01:37:33 And on a personal note,
1922 01:37:34 I will say that the future of this world is in pretty good hands.
1923 01:37:38 You may now move your tassels to the left.
1924 01:37:42 Congratulations to Decatur University's graduating class of 2018.
1925 01:37:53 - Hey, Christine! - Hey!
1926 01:37:56 - Congratulations! - Proud of you!
1927 01:37:58 - Thank you. - I love you.
1928 01:37:59 I love you, too.
1929 01:38:00 Come on. Let's go make love in the science lab.
1930 01:38:03 OK. Be right back.
1931 01:38:04 OK.
1932 01:38:06 Hey, Mom! Hi.
1933 01:38:08 - I'm so proud! - Congrats, baby.
1934 01:38:10 - Thank you for coming. - Look at our girl.
1935 01:38:12 Sweetheart!
1936 01:38:14 - Congrats. - Thank you, honey.
1937 01:38:16 - I'm ready. - You look great!
1938 01:38:17 I'm so proud of you guys.
1939 01:38:19 You two have made an old man very happy.
1940 01:38:23 My daughter, my granddaughter, both got a degree today.
1941 01:38:26 Screw you, Dan!
1942 01:38:28 - Dad! - Grandpa!
1943 01:38:29 - What? - Hey.
1944 01:38:31 I'm starving. Can we please go to Mike and Sandy's house?
1945 01:38:33 You know what? We'll catch up with you in a minute.
1946 01:38:36 But I just want... just a moment here with my girl.
1947 01:38:39 - OK, babe. - Sure, honey.
1948 01:38:42 - Bye. - You get out.
1949 01:38:50 Look at us! Couple of college grads!
1950 01:38:53 Mom, you did it. You got your degree.
1951 01:38:55 I'm so proud of you.
1952 01:38:58 I'm proud of me, too.
1953 01:39:00 But I'm really proud of you.
1954 01:39:02 I hope you soak it all in. This is your big day.
1955 01:39:04 I will. Wait, you didn't throw your hat!
1956 01:39:07 I think there were so many people
1957 01:39:09 and I just want to keep it as a memento for my alma mater.
1958 01:39:12 You can keep it, but you gotta throw it.
1959 01:39:14 - You don't wanna jinx it. - OK. I don't wanna jinx myself.
1960 01:39:18 - Yeah, already. - All right, here goes!
1961 01:39:24 - My God. - Who did that?
1962 01:39:26 Marcie, the earring. It's gone.
1963 01:39:28 That's a half-carat.
1964 01:39:30 - Don't move. - You're such a fool.
1965 01:39:32 - We should go. - OK.
1966 01:39:33 Excuse me!
1967 01:39:38 Woman Up
1968 01:39:41 Put your favourite heels on
1969 01:39:43 Cos they make you feel strong
1970 01:39:45 When you're lookin' good
1971 01:39:47 You know you're gonna have a good time
1972 01:39:50 Don't forget mascara
1973 01:39:52 And to keep your head up
1974 01:39:55 Like Madonna would
1975 01:39:56 Rub her lipstick redder than wine
1976 01:39:58 So let's go
1977 01:40:00 Roll your bumper and whine slow
1978 01:40:02 Show the world you can shine, glow
1979 01:40:04 Cos you got the light now
1980 01:40:05 You got the light now
1981 01:40:08 All my girls raise your hand
1982 01:40:10 If you don't need a man
1983 01:40:12 Cos you're more than good enough
1984 01:40:15 You gotta woman up, woman up
1985 01:40:17 Don't matter what you've been through
1986 01:40:19 Just make them remember you
1987 01:40:21 This one for all my girls
1988 01:40:24 My girls who woman up, woman up
1989 01:40:27 Woman up, woman up
1990 01:40:29 Woman up, woman up
1991 01:40:31 Woman up, woman up
1992 01:40:35 Don't matter what you've been through
1993 01:40:37 Just make them remember you
1994 01:40:40 This one for all my girls
1995 01:40:42 My girls who woman up, woman up
1996 01:40:44 All my girls, raise your hand
1997 01:40:46 If you don't need a man
1998 01:40:49 Cos you're more than good enough
1999 01:40:51 You gotta woman up, woman up
2000 01:40:53 Don't matter what you've been through
2001 01:40:55 Just make them remember you
2002 01:40:58 This one for all my girls
2003 01:41:00 For girls who woman up, woman up