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1 00:01:40 我們現在關注下敵對國朝鮮的情況We now turn to the hostile nation of North Korea.
2 00:01:44 他們正在測試的導彈被認為The rocket they are testing is believed to be big enough
3 00:01:46 可以直射美國的西海岸to reach the West Coast of the United States.
4 00:01:49 今天 聯合國的一位官員Today, an official of the United Nations
5 00:01:52 想告訴全世界 沒錯tried to tell the world... so there will be no mistake...
6 00:01:55 我們正生活在當代希特勒的陰霾之下that we are living in the midst of a modern-day Hitler.
7 00:01:59 一位年輕的 還未經受考驗卻有著核武器雄心壯志的領袖A young, untested leader with nuclear ambition.
8 00:02:02 - 金正恩 -金正恩- Kim Jong-un. -Kim Jong-un.
9 00:02:04 我們所說的就是金正恩We are talking about Kim Jong-un.
10 00:02:06 晚上好Good evening.
11 00:02:08 我是 戴夫·鬧鬧I'm Dave Skylark.
12 00:02:10 今晚 我們有幸邀請了13次格萊美獎Tonight, we are joined by 13-time Grammy winner,
13 00:02:13 以及奧斯卡作曲獎的獲得者Oscar-winning songwriter,
14 00:02:16 來自底特律的艾米納姆Detroit's own Eminem.
15 00:02:18 他將會跟我們分享他的新專輯He'll speak with us about his new album,
16 00:02:21 該專輯備受爭議which has been mired in controversy
17 00:02:22 主要由于歌詞中存在一些侮辱老年人的內容concerning lyrics that some view as demeaning to the elderly.
18 00:02:27 今晚Tonight...
19 00:02:29 鎖定"今夜鬧鬧秀"on "Skylark Tonight."
20 00:02:39 好 開拍And... action.
21 00:02:43 "做個痞子真見鬼"It's hell to be Shady.
22 00:02:44 昨天我對著一個老女人Yesterday I yelled a degrading insult
23 00:02:47 爆了句粗口At an elderly lady.
24 00:02:49 接著我問她80歲的感覺怎樣Then I asked her how it felt to be 80.
25 00:02:52 艸她個老女人F' word a senior citizen.
26 00:02:55 舔棒舔棒 坐著慢慢吮吸"Suck a wiener, sit and spin."
27 00:02:58 "舔棒舔棒 坐著慢慢吮吸""Suck a wiener, sit and spin."
28 00:03:00 真搞笑It's funny.
29 00:03:01 "那你為何還開這么慢"And why you drive so slow for?
30 00:03:04 難道你不想快點到達你想去的地方Don't you want to get where you're going faster
31 00:03:06 知不知道你可能明天就會掛掉 老賤人Since you'll probably die tomorrow, you old whore?
32 00:03:10 去死吧 老婊砸 去死吧Die, old bitch, die,
33 00:03:12 別逼我干掉你"before I murder you."
34 00:03:14 這些是啥意思啊 阿姆What do you mean by this, Em?
35 00:03:16 呃 首先 我覺得 我說唱的時候Well, first of all, I feel like, when I rap,
36 00:03:18 好像 大家會曲解我的歌詞like, people twist my words.
37 00:03:21 好吧 但你可以想下Okay, but can you see
38 00:03:23 老年人聽到了可能會這么說 "我覺得how an old person might say, "I think
39 00:03:26 這個叫艾米納姆的家伙想告訴我 我應該自殺What this guy is telling me... this Eminem... is that I should
40 00:03:30 但 我不喜歡這樣"go kill myself, and I... you know, I don't like that."
41 00:03:33 我的意思是I mean, I don't
42 00:03:36 我唱的不一定是我討厭的內容necessarily rap about the things that I hate.
43 00:03:39 我唱的更多是我害怕的事It's more about... the things that I fear.
44 00:03:42 - 我懂了 -你造嗎 就像是- I get you. -You know, it's like,
45 00:03:44 - 如果我說關于女人神馬的 -嗯- if I say something about women or whatever... -Yes.
46 00:03:47 我覺得大多數歌詞I think a lot of that is more or less me
47 00:03:49 多多少少是我在化解一些心結just dealing with issues with...
48 00:03:51 你知道的 一些跟我媽媽或是其他什么的舊矛盾you know, old issues with my mom or whatever.
49 00:03:53 跟你的母親大人With your "Mutha."
50 00:03:55 嗯是 或 或者Yeah, or-or... you know,
51 00:03:57 當我說起同志when I say things about gay people
52 00:03:58 或者人們認為我的歌詞是反同or people think that my lyrics are homophobic,
53 00:04:00 - 嗯哼 -其實那是因為我是個同志- Mm-hmm. -you know, it's because I'm gay.
54 00:04:02 呃 當我說唱與暴力有關的歌詞時Um, when I rap about violence
55 00:04:04 - 等下 -或者 聽起來像我在提倡暴力- Wait... -or, you know, sound like I'm promoting violence,
56 00:04:07 - 我認為 呃 你知道I think that, uh... you know,
57 00:04:09 - 這或多或少是因為 -什么 -什么什么- it's more or less because... -What? -What, what, what?
58 00:04:11 你知道 這有點像是 我只是在you know, it's kind of... it's kind of about me just,
59 00:04:13 你知道的 面對它you know, confronting it.
60 00:04:15 - 他剛剛說了神馬 -等等 可以回放一下嗎- What did he just say? -Wait, can we play that...?
61 00:04:17 - 他說他是同志 -他剛剛是不是 戴夫 戴夫- He said he was gay. -Did he just...? Dave? Dave?
62 00:04:18 - 他剛剛是不是說了他是同志 -我們非常確定- Did he just say he was gay? -We're pretty sure
63 00:04:20 我們剛剛在錄制間聽到他說他是同志in the booth we just heard him say he was gay.
64 00:04:22 呃 讓時間倒流一點點Em, let's just... back it up a moment.
65 00:04:25 你 剛剛說了You... just said
66 00:04:28 你是個同志嗎that you were gay?
67 00:04:30 啊 我就是很好奇Um... and I'm just curious
68 00:04:33 你那么說想表達的確切意思是什么what you meant by that exactly.
69 00:04:35 意思是我是同志I mean I'm gay.
70 00:04:37 呃 我有點不明白 因為"同志"Uh, I'm just a little confused here, because "Gay"
71 00:04:40 有很多種意思can mean a lot of things.
72 00:04:42 我是同性戀I am a homosexual.
73 00:04:46 意思是Meaning...?
74 00:04:48 我喜歡男人I like men.
75 00:04:52 臥槽剛剛他媽的發生了什么What the fuck just happened?
76 00:04:54 艾米納姆剛剛說了他是同志 四次耶Eminem just said he was gay... four times.
77 00:04:56 這就是剛剛發生的That's what the fuck just happened.
78 00:04:58 - 臥槽 -臥槽- Holy shit. -Holy shit.
79 00:04:59 艾米納姆在我們的節目里說他是同志Eminem's gay on our show.
80 00:05:00 - 艾米納姆在我們的節目里說他是同志 -噢 天啊- Eminem's gay on our show! -Oh, my God!
81 00:05:02 二號攝像頭 二號攝像頭Camera two! Camera two!
82 00:05:04 同志的推特圈 同志的推特圈炸開了Gay Twitter! Gay Twitter's blowing up.
83 00:05:05 - 屌炸了 -快換字幕- Holy shit. -Change the chyron.
84 00:05:06 "艾米納姆是基佬" 加上問號感嘆號"Eminem Gay?!" Question mark, exclamation mark.
85 00:05:08 戴夫 讓他繼續講 讓他繼續講Dave, keep him talking. Keep him talking.
86 00:05:11 - 天啊 -碉堡了 艾米納姆的出柜時刻- Oh, my God. -Holy shit. Push in on gay Eminem!
87 00:05:12 這真是同志史上最具歷史性的時刻This is the greatest moment in gay history!
88 00:05:14 人們很可能已經被你剛剛所說的震驚了are probably shocked by what you're saying right now.
89 00:05:18 我更震驚的是大家到現在都還沒發現I'm more shocked that people haven't figured it out yet.
90 00:05:20 我的意思是 搞得好像我在玩同志躲貓貓一樣I mean, it's kind of like I've been playing gay peekaboo.
91 00:05:23 同志躲貓貓Gay peekaboo.
92 00:05:24 是啊 不過 啊Yeah. But, um...
93 00:05:26 靠 一號攝像頭 一號攝像頭Shit. Camera one. Camera one.
94 00:05:27 - 這次訪談結束了 關掉 -不要- This interview is over. Shut it off. -No!
95 00:05:29 - 快關掉 - 達瑞爾你他媽滾蛋- Shut it off. -Get the fuck out of here, Darryl.
96 00:05:30 我是馬歇爾發言人 我告訴你I am Marshall's publicist, and I'm telling you,
97 00:05:32 - 馬上把那該死的插頭拔掉 -不要 這新聞是寶藏- pull the fucking plug right now. -No. This is gold.
98 00:05:34 我才不會把訪談掐掉呢I am not cutting this interview off.
99 00:05:35 這是我們有史以來做過最好的訪談This is the best interview we've ever done.
100 00:05:37 - 那如果我這么做會怎樣 -不要 滾出去- What happens if I just do this? -No, get out.
101 00:05:38 關掉它 關掉它Shut it off! Shut it off!
102 00:05:41 把他弄出這里 快他媽的把他弄出去Get him out of here! Get him the fuck out of here!
103 00:05:43 我會宰了你還有你全家I will murder you and everyone you love!
104 00:05:44 謝謝你 戴夫 聽著 我拿到歌詞了Thank you. Dave, look, I got the lyrics.
105 00:05:47 照著我說的問他Say what I say:
106 00:05:48 當你說唱這句歌詞的時候想表達什么What did you mean when you rapped...
107 00:05:51 "我說真是朵漂亮的菊花 我做了"I said nice rectum, I had a..."
108 00:05:53 結扎手術啊 赫克托"...vasectomy, Hector.
109 00:05:55 如果我的雙性戀毀了你So you can't get pregnant
110 00:05:57 你也不會懷孕了"if I bisexually wreck ya."
111 00:06:00 我很明確地留下了I've pretty much just been leaving a...
112 00:06:03 我是同志的痕跡bread-crumb trail of gayness.
113 00:06:04 - 我現在看到了 -你知道- I see that now. -You know.
114 00:06:06 的確 實際上赫克托But yeah, actually Hector...
115 00:06:08 赫克托是一個 一個真實存在的人Hector was a... was a real person.
116 00:06:09 赫克托和他的菊花是真的嗎Hector and his rectum were real?
117 00:06:12 - 臥槽 -這是真的耶 赫克托和他的菊花是真的- Holy shit. -It's real! Hector rectum is real!
118 00:06:14 - 太好了 -噢 我就知道 -各位- Yes! Yes! -Oh, I knew it! -Slim Shady, everyone!
119 00:06:17 伙計 伙計Dude! Dude!
120 00:06:18 艾倫 牛吧Aaron, bring it in.
121 00:06:20 - 噢 我的天 我的天啊 -哥們兒 牛吧- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -Bring it in, big boy!
122 00:06:22 噢 我的天啊Oh, my God...
123 00:06:23 - 噢 -我的上帝啊- Oh...! -Oh, my God!
124 00:06:25 剛才他媽的發生什么了What the heck just happened?
125 00:06:27 真實的阿姆站出來了The real Slim Shady just stood up.
126 00:06:28 - 哦 -那就是剛才發生的- Oh! -That's what the fuck just happened.
127 00:06:30 這就像是斯派克·李說他是白人This is like Spike Lee just said he's white.
128 00:06:32 我簡直不敢相信剛剛發生的事I can't believe what's happened.
129 00:06:34 - 你太叼了 太叼了 -太叼了- You da man! You da man! -You da man!
130 00:06:36 你是最棒的You're the best.
131 00:06:37 你最棒了 你最棒了You're the best. You're the best.
132 00:06:39 - 不敢相信 -好吧 聽著 我先去卸妝- Unreal. -All right, listen, I'm gonna go get my makeup off.
133 00:06:40 一會樓下見I want you to meet me downstairs.
134 00:06:41 有東西要給你看I got something to show you.
135 00:06:43 伙計 只是 我們要去哪兒啊Dude, just... where are we going?
136 00:06:45 我還以為我們周末要去漢普頓斯度假呢I thought we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend, man.
137 00:06:47 - 不不不不 -這是哪兒- No, no, no, no, no, no... -What is this place?
138 00:06:48 我們只是 你懂的 只是一起出去玩We're just, you know... just hanging out.
139 00:06:51 - 哦 -好吧好吧- Okay. -All right, all right, all right.
140 00:06:54 有場為你準備的驚喜派對It's a surprise party... for you.
141 00:06:56 神馬 為啥 你為啥要告訴我What? Why? Why did you just tell me that?
142 00:06:57 因為我太雞凍了Yes! I... 'Cause I'm so excited.
143 00:06:59 這肯定會很棒 這肯定會很棒This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great.
144 00:07:01 我不懂現在是什么情況I don't understand what's happening.
145 00:07:02 驚喜Surprise!
146 00:07:04 好吧 好吧 我已經告訴他了All right, all right. I already told him.
147 00:07:06 我已經告訴他了 快來 快來I already told him. Come on, come on.
148 00:07:07 你是全宇宙最棒的 你個混蛋You're best in the world, you fucking cocksucker.
149 00:07:09 好吧 不是現在 馬爾科姆 不是現在 借過All right, not now, Malcolm. Not now, not now. Come on.
150 00:07:11 - 借過 -謝謝 現在什么情況- Come on. -Thank you. Why... why is this happening?
151 00:07:13 你和我們在一起制作了You've been with us
152 00:07:15 1000集了啊for 1,000 episodes.
153 00:07:16 - 你沒騙我吧 -10年啦 哥們兒- Are you kidding me? -Ten years, baby!
154 00:07:18 - 我的個擦 -來吧- Are you fucking... -Come on.
155 00:07:20 我真的是 嗯 我太感激你們了I really do. It's, uh... I appreciate it.
156 00:07:22 - 好了 -好吧- All right. -Okay.
157 00:07:23 好了 現在都聽我說All right, now,
158 00:07:25 我想把氣氛搞得跟圣誕節一樣輕松愉悅I know I like to keep it light, keep it fun.
159 00:07:29 但是 我現在要講真格的了I'm gonna take it to a serious tip.
160 00:07:32 我要說說艾倫I'm gonna talk about Aaron.
161 00:07:35 在和艾倫一起工作之前Before we started working together,
162 00:07:37 我的節目收視率將將能擠進前15my show barely broke the top 15.
163 00:07:40 所以為此 我找了一個跟我滾過床單的So I called up this professor that worked
164 00:07:42 哥倫比亞新聞學院的教授at the Columbia School of Journalism that I...
165 00:07:43 然后我說I was having sex with, and I said,
166 00:07:45 "我需要一個娛樂圈里絕頂聰明的人"I need someone smarter than anyone in entertainment.
167 00:07:49 一個真正的記著"I need a real journalist."
168 00:07:51 艾倫 我是佛羅多Aaron, you are the Samwise Gamgee
169 00:07:55 你就是我的山姆to my Frodo Baggins.
170 00:07:57 我是比爾博 你就是我的甘道夫You are the Gandalf to my Bilbo Baggins.
171 00:08:00 但是我所能引用的所有 "指環王" 的典故中But of all the Lord of the Rings references that I could make,
172 00:08:03 這才是最符合咱倆關系的this is the most important:
173 00:08:06 我是咕嚕I'm Gollum...
174 00:08:09 而你 就是我的寶貝and you're my precious.
175 00:08:13 史麥戈需要艾倫Smeagol needs Aaron.
176 00:08:15 "至尊戒引眾戒"One Ring to rule them all,
177 00:08:17 禁錮眾戒黑暗中"and in the darkness bind them."
178 00:08:20 現在 快上臺 到這來Now, get up here! Get up here!
179 00:08:23 - 到這來 哥們 我愛死你了 -好了好了 我知道- Come up here, buddy. I love you. -Okay. Okay. Okay.
180 00:08:25 - 我TM愛死你了 -哦- I fucking love you. -Oh...
181 00:08:31 嘿Hey.
182 00:08:34 嘿Hey!
183 00:08:36 嘿Hey.
184 00:08:38 喂 看看那是誰啊Yeah. Like, what's that?
185 00:08:40 嘿 老弟 你怎么會在這Come on, man. What's happening?
186 00:08:42 - 嘿 -嘿- Hey, yeah. -Hey, yeah.
187 00:08:43 - 你 你怎么也在這 -最近怎么樣 哥們- Wh-What's happening? -How's it going, dude?
188 00:08:45 我們自打畢業后就再沒見過 對吧We haven't seen each other since graduation, right?
189 00:08:48 - 是吧 好像是 -喔 那個- Yeah. Probably. -Wow. And, uh...
190 00:08:50 等一下 我沒搞錯吧 你是 那個Wait. Am I wrong? Are you, like, a...
191 00:08:52 "60分鐘時事新聞"的初級制片人 對吧you're a junior producer on "60 Minutes," Right?
192 00:08:54 我現在是高級制片人了I'm now a senior producer.
193 00:08:55 - 不會吧 -千真萬確- No way, man. -Yeah. Yeah.
194 00:08:57 - 你太厲害了 -謝謝- That's awesome. -Thank you.
195 00:08:58 看看我們 都在做電視新聞節目Look at us... both producing news for television.
196 00:09:01 算是吧Yeah.
197 00:09:03 - 怎么 -沒什么- What was that? -Nothing.
198 00:09:05 你含糊其辭的 肯定有什么事瞞著我 快說It was clearly something. What's the joke?
199 00:09:07 沒 我只是想說 你有你的工作No, I mean, like, you've got your job,
200 00:09:09 我有我的 但是工作類型不太一樣 你明白么I got mine, but they're different, you know?
201 00:09:11 你的很搞 但 我的Yours is cool; mine's just
202 00:09:12 更嚴肅一點 你懂么a little bit more serious, you know?
203 00:09:14 你到底在說什么 我們的工作是一樣的What are you saying? We have the same job.
204 00:09:16 我報道貨真價實的新聞 你要知道 那些關乎民生的新聞I report real news... you know, stuff that matters...
205 00:09:19 而你則是報道那些八卦消息and then you report on all the cool
206 00:09:21 比如"誰又隆胸了""Who's getting new boobs" And, like,
207 00:09:22 還有可笑的厭食癥等雜七雜八的事情the fun eating disorder stuff.
208 00:09:24 你也真的是在做"60分鐘時事新聞" 對吧You really helped build up "60 Minutes," Too, right?
209 00:09:26 如果沒有你 他們一無是處They'd be nothing without you.
210 00:09:27 這節目才僅僅播出了TM的80年It's only been on for 80 fucking years.
211 00:09:29 哦 對 對不起Look, I... I'm sorry.
212 00:09:30 對不起 我想 我不該那么說I'm sorry... look... I shouldn't say this,
213 00:09:32 但我們的新聞節目在廣納賢士but we got an opening over at "60 Minutes,"
214 00:09:34 也許我們會用得著像你這樣的人才and we could use somebody like you.
215 00:09:36 真的么Are you serious?
216 00:09:37 呵呵 我在耍你呢 得了吧 就你I'm fucking with you, man. Come on! You?
217 00:09:39 在我那工作 你在我們那會被活剮的At where I work? You'd be eaten alive at our office.
218 00:09:41 好了 我要回去了Okay, I'm gonna catch up with these guys,
219 00:09:43 但無論如何 干杯but cheers, man.
220 00:09:45 不管怎么樣 恭喜了Congrats... or whatever.
221 00:09:51 頭發什么時候開始掉的When did the hair begin to go?
222 00:09:53 我想I would say... -
223 00:09:55 大概是在拍"局外人"那個時候around "The Outsiders."
224 00:10:00 當你準備好了 就When you're ready.
225 00:10:02 我不認為我曾準備好了 但是今天I don't think I'll ever be ready, but...
226 00:10:05 - 哦 要摘掉假發了 -哦- Oh, wig's coming off. -Oh.
227 00:10:12 喔Whoa.
228 00:10:14 哦 我的親娘啊Oh, Jesus fuck.
229 00:10:15 為什么他還留著那么幾撮毛Why does he keep the long pieces?
230 00:10:17 他的腦袋就像是得了性病His head looks like somebody's taint.
231 00:10:19 - 你幾乎沒變 -謝謝- You barely look different. -Thanks, man.
232 00:10:21 你 你說過你謝頂了You... you said you were bald.
233 00:10:23 但 但我還看到有幾根在你頭頂上呢I... I see a little stuff on top.
234 00:10:25 - 這太舒服了 -羅伯- It's so freeing! -Rob...
235 00:10:27 你有什么想對美國人民說的么is there anything that you would like to say to America?
236 00:10:36 晚上好Good evening.
237 00:10:38 我是菲利普•斯特林I'm Phillip Sterling
238 00:10:39 給大家帶來UBS新聞特別報道with a UBS News Special Report.
239 00:10:41 喔 喔 喔Whoa, whoa, whoa.
240 00:10:42 朝鮮軍隊Kim Jong-un's military forces
241 00:10:43 向位于南太平洋的一個無人小島targeted an uninhabited South Pacific island
242 00:10:46 發射了一枚15兆噸當量的熱核武器洲際導彈with a 15-megaton thermonuclear ICBM.
243 00:10:49 戴夫 我們不能直播了Yo, Dave, we're not live anymore.
244 00:10:51 - 他們把我們掐了 -我們掉線了么- They just cut our feed. -We're off the air?
245 00:10:52 真該死 羅伯 你能把你那該死的假發戴上么Goddamn it! Rob, would you just put your fucking wig on?
246 00:10:55 他們搞死了我們 該死They fucked us! Goddamn it!
247 00:10:57 有誰能告訴我到底發生了什么Somebody tell me what's going on?
248 00:10:59 哥們 說真的 你到底怎么了Dude... seriously, what is up with you?
249 00:11:03 你知道我渾身充滿了正能量的You know how I'm good at picking up energies?
250 00:11:06 好了 你快點把你這張憂郁的臉收回去Well, you're shooting off a slightly cunty vibe right now.
251 00:11:08 到底怎么了What's going on?
252 00:11:10 我們有上百萬的觀眾We have millions of viewers every night
253 00:11:12 每天晚上看我們的節目 而我們卻做了什么watching our show, and what do we do?
254 00:11:13 我們簡直是鏟起一坨翔糊在他們臉上We just shovel shit into their faces, man.
255 00:11:15 我們可以做一些正面的 有意義的內容We could be doing something positive.
256 00:11:17 我們可以請一些作家 社會活動家 政客We could be having on authors, activists, politicians.
257 00:11:21 那才是人們想看的 "拿翔糊我們啊That's what people want. "Give us some shit.
258 00:11:23 這是群眾的呼聲 拿翔糊我們啊Mangia. We're the people. Give us the shit.
259 00:11:24 糊啊 糊啊 糊啊Mangia, mangia, mangia."
260 00:11:26 哥們 我想報道真正的新聞而不是麻辣雞的陰道Dude, I wanted to cover actual news, not Nicki Minaj's vagina
261 00:11:30 在格萊美上走光了fuckin' flopping out at the Grammys.
262 00:11:31 你不喜歡那首叫 "紅糖" 的歌嗎You don't like that brown sugar?
263 00:11:33 這跟歌沒關系Nothing to do with brown sugar.
264 00:11:34 我只是不能再這么做下去了 懂么I just can't keep doing this, okay?
265 00:11:36 我們必須改變We have to change.
266 00:11:40 - 好吧 -你這回沒開玩笑吧- Fine. -Are you serious right now?
267 00:11:43 - 當然 -你答應要按照我的做了么- Yeah. -Do you promise you'll do this?
268 00:11:45 我答應你 除非你向我承諾你永遠不會離開我I promise if you promise you'll never leave.
269 00:11:48 你先答應了 我再答應If you promise, then I'll promise.
270 00:11:49 - 那好 一起來 -1 2 3- Well, then, same time. -One, two, three.
271 00:11:51 - 我答應你 -我答應你- Promise. -Promise.
272 00:11:52 - 就是這樣 -就是這樣- Okay. -Okay.
273 00:11:53 那才是我們應該說的That's all we had to say.
274 00:11:55 - 好吧 -別讓我難過- Fine. -Don't put me through that.
275 00:11:56 - 好的 -我討厭我們吵架- Okay. -I hate it when we fight.
276 00:11:59 不 這絕不是開玩笑 懂么No, this is not a joke, okay?
277 00:12:01 我覺得你有點太傲慢了Well, I think you're being kind of condescending.
278 00:12:03 - 看 看 看 看 -什么 好 稍等- Look! Look, look, look... -What? Yeah... one second.
279 00:12:04 閉嘴 我在打電話Shut up. I'm on the phone.
280 00:12:06 - 那好- Okay? Uh...
281 00:12:07 喂 你有病么 那是約翰·克里辦公室打過來的Dude, what the fuck, man? That was John Kerry's office.
282 00:12:11 別再管那個長得跟橡樹一樣的混蛋了Forget that oak-tree-looking fuck.
283 00:12:12 這個才是重點 "時代周刊"刊登的This tops it. "The Times" Printed it
284 00:12:14 關于 關于朝鮮 看最下面about... about North Korea. Read the bottom.
285 00:12:16 從死亡集中營那玩意的后面開始After all the... the death camp shit.
286 00:12:19 "盡管金正恩召集他的民眾"Although Kim Jong-un rallies his people
287 00:12:21 叫囂著要對美國With cries for the destruction
288 00:12:23 實施襲擊 但是他卻是"Of the United States of America, he is known
289 00:12:25 美國娛樂產品的忠實消費者To be an avid consumer of American entertainment.
290 00:12:28 他最喜歡的電視節目是 生活大爆炸"His favorite shows are 'The Big Bang Theory...'"
291 00:12:31 還有And...?
292 00:12:33 "還有 今夜鬧鬧秀""...and 'Skylark Tonight.'"
293 00:12:35 噢 就是那個Oh! Boom!
294 00:12:39 這太刺激了This is great!
295 00:12:40 這就是你之前說的This is what you were talking about.
296 00:12:42 我采訪這個家伙I interview this guy.
297 00:12:44 你別他娘的開玩笑了 他可是Are you joking me, man? He's the most
298 00:12:46 這個星球上最宅的領袖了reclusive leader on the planet.
299 00:12:47 這壓根就不可能It's not gonna happen.
300 00:12:48 他住在朝鮮 我們去不了那He lives in North Korea. We can't go there.
301 00:12:50 戴夫 鬧鬧想去哪就去哪Dave Skylark... gets in anywhere.
302 00:12:54 你還記得那個俱樂部么You remember that club?
303 00:12:55 要排隊三個月Three-month waiting list.
304 00:12:57 而我第一天晚上就進去了First night.
305 00:12:58 我想這完全不可相提并論I don't think it's quite the same thing.
306 00:13:01 對了 還有很多亞洲女孩在那Well, there were a lot of Asian girls there.
307 00:13:03 你想都別想 戴夫It's impossible, Dave.
308 00:13:04 這就是我們要做的Here's what we're gonna do.
309 00:13:05 我們要去做那個采訪We're gonna do that interview,
310 00:13:07 每個人都會非常非常地把你當回事everyone is gonna take you super-duper seriously,
311 00:13:11 而且之后你永遠都不能離開我and then you're never gonna leave me.
312 00:13:13 朝鮮參加了奧林匹克 對么North Korea's in the Olympics, right?
313 00:13:15 我想他們一定有一個辦公室I bet they have an office that is
314 00:13:17 用來與奧組委協商set up to communicate with the Olympic Committee,
315 00:13:19 所以 在朝鮮可能so there's probably
316 00:13:20 存在一些機構是負責some infrastructure for communicating with
317 00:13:22 與外面的世界交流的the outside world through that.
318 00:13:24 好主意 我躍躍欲試了喲Good idea. Those wheels are turning.
319 00:13:25 - 如果我給那個辦公室留一個信息 -對- If I leave a message for that office... -Yeah.
320 00:13:27 - 然后 也許 如果正巧他們也是我們節目的粉絲 -嗯 哼- then maybe, if they're a fan of the show, -Mm-hmm.
321 00:13:29 - 嗯 嗯 -那就真行得通了- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. -that can actually work.
322 00:13:31 - 我們就可以采訪這個星球上最著名的人了 -對- We could interview the most famous man on the planet. -Yeah.
323 00:13:33 - 那將成為史無前例的采訪了 -對- That would be the biggest interview ever. -Yeah...
324 00:13:35 小伙伴們 我不知道你們Guys, guys, guys, guys! I don't know if you've
325 00:13:36 聽說了沒 但是剛剛有照片流出來了heard this, but some pictures just came out
326 00:13:38 馬修·麥康納正在搞一只山羊where it looks like McConaughey's fucking a goat.
327 00:13:39 - 哇 "麥康納和山羊搞" -呃- Whoa. "McConaughey Goat Fuck"? -Ew...
328 00:13:42 麥康納就是和山羊搞McConaughey Goat Fuck.
329 00:13:44 嗯Uh...
330 00:13:45 好吧 顯然我們應該讓他上節目了Okay, we obviously have to have him on to do that,
331 00:13:48 所以 我們雙管齊下so... we should put that together.
332 00:13:49 我們還是要采訪三胖的 對吧But we're doing this North Korea thing, okay?
333 00:13:51 - 明天第一件事就是籌備三胖的采訪 -約他 快去約他- First thing tomorrow. Okay. -Book him, though. Book him.
334 00:13:53 - 約到他 一定要約到他 還有那只山羊 -包在我身上了- Get him, get him, get him! Get the goat! -I'm on him.
335 00:13:55 把山羊搞過來Get the goat!
336 00:13:56 我有一些問題想問那只山羊I got some questions for that goat.
337 00:14:04 你好 我是來自"今夜鬧鬧秀"的艾倫·便便Hello. This is Aaron Rapoport from "Skylark Tonight."
338 00:14:07 我聽說你們的領袖是我們節目的死忠粉We heard your Supreme Leader is a big fan
339 00:14:09 所以我們想去采訪他of our show, and we'd love to have him on.
340 00:14:11 嗯 如果可以請回復我Uh, please get back to me and let me know.
341 00:14:14 我要去參加一個重要的會議I'm about to head to an important meeting,
342 00:14:16 但是 嗯 我在早晨會有時間but, uh, I'll be around in the morning.
343 00:14:18 希望能收到你們的回復Hope to hear from you.
344 00:14:19 哦Ooh! Yeah.
345 00:14:23 - 嗨 -哈羅- Hi. -Hey.
346 00:14:24 嗯 去美世酒店Uh, Mercer and Spring, please.
347 00:14:27 喔Whoo!
348 00:14:36 你好Hello?
349 00:14:38 你好 請問你是哪位Hello. Who dis?
350 00:14:39 我找艾倫 便便I am trying to reach Aaron Rapoport.
351 00:14:41 我就是艾倫 便便You got Aaron Rapoport.
352 00:14:42 - 你是誰啊 -關于采訪的事 您給- Who dis is? -You left word
353 00:14:44 我們辦公室留了言with our office regarding an interview.
354 00:14:46 嘿 戴夫 是你嗎Look, Dave, is this you?
355 00:14:47 如果真是你'Cause if it is,
356 00:14:49 你的亞洲口音還真是爛耶you're doing a terrible Asian accent.
357 00:14:51 騷瑞啦Me so "Solly."
358 00:14:53 我得閃啦 乖兒子Me gots to go now, son.
359 00:14:55 這里是朝鮮民主主義人民共和國I am from the office of Sook-yin Park,
360 00:14:57 外務省Secretary of Communications
361 00:14:58 樸素英辦公室with the Democratic People's Republic of North Korea.
362 00:15:01 哦 上帝 呃Oh, my God. Uh...
363 00:15:03 該死的 呃 我非常騷瑞Shit. Uh, me so solly.
364 00:15:04 呃 我是說 我非常騷瑞 不對 非常I mean, I'm so solly. I mean, I-I'm so sor...
365 00:15:07 我 我 非常抱歉 十分抱歉I'm-I'm... I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
366 00:15:10 我們想與您商討關于最高領導人和We would like to discuss the possibility of a meeting
367 00:15:12 戴夫 鬧鬧的會面between the Supreme Leader and Dave Skylark.
368 00:15:15 出于安全考慮Security concerns dictate
369 00:15:16 我們必須面談that the matter be discussed in person.
370 00:15:18 噢 好的 哪里見面Uh, okay, great. Where... where do you do that?
371 00:15:21 維度40.1326We will meet at latitude 40.1326,
372 00:15:24 經度123.9889longitude 123.9889.
373 00:15:27 我完全搞不懂Just 'cause I'm not, like, totally familiar
374 00:15:29 自己所在的經度和維度with my longitudes and latitudes,
375 00:15:30 再說一遍在哪where is that again?
376 00:15:32 中國東北省丹東市西50公里50 kilometers west of Dandong, northeastern China.
377 00:15:35 你剛剛說"中國"Did you just say "China"?
378 00:15:37 又說了什么"東"And did you just say "Dong"?
379 00:15:46 居然要去他媽的天朝Going to motherfucking China, y'all.
380 00:16:05 勞駕 我進去一下Excuse me, can I get in there?
381 00:16:07 多謝Thank you.
382 00:16:09 嗨 你好Hi, there.
383 00:16:12 不了 謝謝No, thank you.
384 00:16:14 二手煙就夠了I'll just get it through secondhand smoke.
385 00:16:19 茄子Selfie!
386 00:16:49 該死的 在哪呢Well, where the fuck are they?
387 00:16:51 臥槽What the fuck?
388 00:17:09 不是吧No, no!
389 00:17:28 別開槍 別開槍No! No!
390 00:17:30 我是美國記者I'm an American journalist!
391 00:17:31 艾倫 便便Aaron Rapoport!
392 00:17:32 我是貴賓I was invited here!
393 00:17:35 和平使者I come in peace!
394 00:17:36 我是來采訪的I'm here for interview!
395 00:17:37 別殺我Please don't kill me!
396 00:17:52 便便先生 我是樸素英Mr. Rapoport, I am Sook-yin Park.
397 00:17:56 最高領導人恩賜鬧鬧先生The Supreme Leader will grant a one-hour interview
398 00:17:59 在朝鮮境內一個小時的采訪時間to Mr. Skylark from inside North Korea.
399 00:18:01 所有問題由最高領導人自己提出All questions will be supplied by the Supreme Leader himself.
400 00:18:04 不能談條件 給你24個小時考慮Terms are nonnegotiable. You have 24 hours to decide.
401 00:18:07 - 就這樣 -是- That's it? -Yes.
402 00:18:10 電話里怎么不說Why didn't you guys tell me this over the phone?
403 00:18:12 Skype也行啊 你們有Skype嗎Or Skype? Do you guys have Skype?
404 00:18:14 你們到底有沒有Skype啊 好吧Do you have Skype here? Okay.
405 00:18:16 能不能給我點兒水喝?Well, look, can you give me some water?
406 00:18:18 那人帶著水吶That guy has water!
407 00:18:20 拜托讓我搭個便車啊Please give me a ride somewhere!
408 00:18:22 我行李帶的不夠I didn't pack well for this trip!
409 00:18:24 我現在就像個屌絲I packed like a fool!
410 00:18:26 純屌絲Like a goddamn fool!
411 00:18:28 跪求 跪求Please! Please!
412 00:18:31 哇Whoa.
413 00:18:47 我靠 白富美啊Damn, she was sexy.
414 00:18:49 我在一個鳥不拉屎的地方The fucking helicopter landed.
415 00:18:51 一架直升機從天而降I'm in the middle of nowhere.
416 00:18:53 倆大兵跳了出來Two soldiers jump out.
417 00:18:55 我以為我要掛了I think I'm gonna get killed.
418 00:18:56 但這時 樸姐姐粗現了Then, out comes Sook.
419 00:18:58 我之前跟你提過她I told you about her.
420 00:18:59 她從直升機里出來的She comes out of the helicopter.
421 00:19:01 - 辣妹 超性感 -有多辣- She's hot, super sexy. -How hot?
422 00:19:03 - 你進去了么 -當然了 我們在直升機里嘿咻了- Did you get in there? -Yeah, I fucked her in the helicopter.
423 00:19:05 臥槽My fucking man!
424 00:19:06 沒 我沒做 老兄 沒有No, I didn't do that, dude. No!
425 00:19:08 - 好吧 -她說我們不能自己提問題- Okay. -She said we couldn't ask any of our own questions.
426 00:19:10 所有問題由他們起草They were gonna write all the questions.
427 00:19:13 這事我們不能做啊We can't do it.
428 00:19:14 等于是借你的嘴讓他自己We're essentially letting him
429 00:19:15 采訪他自己interview himself with your mouth.
430 00:19:18 看Look!
431 00:19:19 看看這個干屁屁Look at this buttfuck!
432 00:19:20 他在搞核炫富He's got a whole parade of nukes.
433 00:19:22 他還準備發射核導彈He's ready to use them.
434 00:19:24 采訪本 拉登When you score a bin Laden
435 00:19:26 希特勒 或者金三胖or a Hitler or an Un,
436 00:19:29 可是吊炸天的事you take it by the balls!
437 00:19:31 這是新聞界的第一定律It's the first rule of journalism.
438 00:19:33 觀眾要什么 你給什么You give the people what they want.
439 00:19:35 這不是新聞界的第一定律That's not the first rule of journalism.
440 00:19:37 像是什么 馬戲團I think that's the first rule of,
441 00:19:38 撞車大賽的第一定律like, circuses and demolition derbies.
442 00:19:39 這可是自淡定哥尼克松以來最偉大的采訪啊This is the biggest interview since Frosty Nixon.
443 00:19:42 - 淡定哥尼克松 -我是說十年內- Frosty Nixon? -I mean, in ten years,
444 00:19:44 朗 霍華德會以此為背景拍部電影呢Ron Howard's gonna make a movie out of this.
445 00:19:47 這事成了 我們就可以采訪We do this, we can interview
446 00:19:48 全宇宙任何一個總統any president on the planet.
447 00:19:51 然后就可以提你真正想問的問題And then you can ask them the real questions.
448 00:19:54 打個比方 這就像吃蔬菜This is like eating our vegetables.
449 00:19:57 吃完了蔬菜Once you eat those,
450 00:19:58 你就能吃牛排啦then you get to eat the steak.
451 00:20:00 我們造 艾倫肯定想吃牛排And we know Aaron wants his steak.
452 00:20:02 這就像This is like...
453 00:20:05 "指環王""The Lord of the Rings."
454 00:20:06 怎么樣?Okay?
455 00:20:08 我就是佛拉多 巴金斯I'm actually like Frodo Baggins.
456 00:20:13 而你 就是我的山姆And you are my Sam.
457 00:20:16 我的山姆衛斯My Samwise.
458 00:20:18 我不能沒有你啊I can't do it without you.
459 00:20:20 - 好 -走起- Okay. -Come with me.
460 00:20:21 沖向魔多To Mordor.
461 00:20:23 好 他媽的搞起來Okay, let's fucking do it.
462 00:20:25 - 真的 -真的- Yeah? -Yeah.
463 00:20:30 一如既往 要感謝我的嘉賓As always, I'd like to thank my guest,
464 00:20:32 喬瑟夫 高登Joe Gordon-Levitt.
465 00:20:34 節目結束之前And before we go,
466 00:20:35 我有一個爆炸性新聞要宣布I have a very special announcement.
467 00:20:38 在我們吊炸天的制片人艾倫 便便的支持之下With the help of my outstanding producer,
468 00:20:41 我搞定了21世紀Aaron Rapoport, I've secured the most important interview
469 00:20:44 最偉大的采訪節目of the 21st century.
470 00:20:47 三周后Three weeks from tonight,
471 00:20:49 我將飛往朝鮮平壤I will be traveling to Pyongyang, North Korea,
472 00:20:52 為大家獻上金三胖的to conduct the first globally broadcast interview
473 00:20:56 首次全球直播訪問with President Kim Jong-un.
474 00:20:58 能夠承擔如此偉大的責任I am deeply humbled and profoundly honored
475 00:21:01 我感到無比驕傲與自豪to accept this most awesome responsibility.
476 00:21:05 顯然 戴夫 鬧鬧將要Apparently, Dave Skylark will be interviewing
477 00:21:07 采訪朝鮮的大獨裁者the dictator of North Korea.
478 00:21:09 我出100刀賭 鬧鬧認為100 bucks Skylark thinks
479 00:21:12 自己是在唱"江南Style"he's the guy from "Gangnam Style."
480 00:21:13 這是在赤裸裸地贊頌一個殘忍的獨裁者Obscene glorification of a brutal dictator.
481 00:21:16 他折磨他的子民This is a man who tortures,
482 00:21:18 讓他們陷入恐慌 飽嘗饑餓的痛苦terrorizes and starves his own people.
483 00:21:20 - 鬧鬧簡直太無恥了 -扯淡- Skylark is beneath despicable. -Fuck this.
484 00:21:23 喵Meeee-ow.
485 00:21:25 真是賤人 對么?What a fucking bitch, am I right?
486 00:21:28 不 不是No, you're not right.
487 00:21:29 他不是賤人 他說的太對了He's not being a bitch. He's completely right.
488 00:21:31 他是羨慕嫉妒恨He's motherfucking peanut butter and jealous.
489 00:21:35 - 他不是嫉妒 -他給他的蛋蛋上- He's not jealous. -He's putting
490 00:21:37 涂滿了嫉妒的潤滑液KY jealous all over his dick.
491 00:21:39 他有什么可嫉妒的What is there to be jealous of?
492 00:21:41 他們恨我們 就因為他們不是我們啊Fuckers hate us 'cause they ain't us.
493 00:21:43 他們恨我們因為我們是"菊花"? （"不是"與"菊花"同音）They hates us 'cause we "Anus"?
494 00:21:44 這他媽的跟菊花有什么關系?What the fuck does an anus have to do with this?
495 00:21:46 他們恨我們 因為他們不是我們They hate us 'cause they ain't us.
496 00:21:49 不是這個原因That's not what it is.
497 00:21:50 - 是的 -不 不是- Yes, it is. -No, it's not.
498 00:21:52 他們恨我們 因為我們就是我們They hate us 'cause we is us,
499 00:21:53 而且我們干的事 太他媽糟糕了and what we is doing is fucking terrible.
500 00:21:55 他們恨我們 就是他媽的因為他們不是我們They fucking hate us 'cause they ain't us.
501 00:21:57 - 別說了 他們沒有 -恨我們 因為他們不是我們- Stop saying that. They don't -Hate us 'cause they ain't us.
502 00:21:59 - 恨我們 因為他們不是我們 -恨我們 因為他們不是我們- hate us 'cause they ain't us! -Hate us 'cause they ain't us!
503 00:22:01 - 他們不恨我們 因為他們不是我們 -我都習慣了- They don't hate us 'cause they ain't us. -I'm used to it.
504 00:22:03 - 恨我們 因為他們不是我們 -停 停- Hate us 'cause they ain't us. -Stop it. Stop it.
505 00:22:05 - 別再說了 -噓- Don't say it again. -Shh.
506 00:22:08 親愛的Baby.
507 00:22:09 憤青誰都恨Haters gonna hate.
508 00:22:13 公知永遠是公知And ain't-ers gonna ain't.
509 00:22:14 人民可不是這么說的That is not an actual thing people say.
510 00:22:17 就是要這么去噴憤青This is what you do to haters.
511 00:22:19 妞 給爺笑一個You just smile.
512 00:22:28 神馬東西What is that?
513 00:22:30 史上最強搖頭丸The strongest ecstasy I've ever done in my life.
514 00:22:53 哦Oh...
515 00:22:55 哦 臥槽Oh, what the fuck?
516 00:22:58 來了Okay.
517 00:23:01 來了 來了Okay, I'm coming.
518 00:23:08 哦 該死的Oh, shit.
519 00:23:11 哦 哦 神吶Oh... oh, God.
520 00:23:16 便便先生Mr. Rapoport.
521 00:23:17 我是中情局的I'm Agent Lacey
522 00:23:18 蕾絲探員with Central Intelligence,
523 00:23:20 這位是我的搭檔 博特溫探員and this is my partner, Agent Botwin.
524 00:23:21 艾倫 別管是誰Aaron, whoever that is,
525 00:23:23 讓他滾tell them to fuck off.
526 00:23:24 戴夫 是 呃Dave, it's, uh,
527 00:23:26 - 不是-不知道我昨晚干了什么- it's not... -Yo, I don't know who I fucked last night,
528 00:23:29 蛋蛋真不舒服but I got some stink dick.
529 00:23:32 好臭哇!Yo, my dick stinks!
530 00:23:35 太詭異了So weird how you, like,
531 00:23:37 但還是忍不住要聞just want to keep smelling it, though.
532 00:23:40 趕緊過來 一起聞聞Yo, you got to come over and smell this shit.
533 00:23:42 快來聞聞Yo, come smell this.
534 00:23:43 看看是什么You got to identify this.
535 00:23:44 我不知道是什么I don't know what it is.
536 00:23:46 不好意思Excuse him.
537 00:23:47 他蛋蛋要跪He has stink dick.
538 00:23:49 聞著像鱷梨醬It kind of smells like guacamole.
539 00:23:51 我們可以進去嗎May we come in?
540 00:23:53 你想 呃Would you, um,
541 00:23:55 喝點什么 或者是嗑點艾倫的可卡因like a drink or some of Aaron's cocaine?
542 00:23:58 這可卡因不是我們的 是This is not our cocaine. This is...
543 00:24:00 嗯 我知道肯定不是No, I'm sure it's not.
544 00:24:02 好吧 那么 我們能做點什么So, uh, how can we, uh, what can we do you for?
545 00:24:05 - 是啊 什么風把你們吹來了 -是啊- Yeah, to what do we owe the pleasure? -AARON: Yeah.
546 00:24:07 艾倫 戴夫Well, Aaron, Dave,
547 00:24:08 據我所知as I'm sure
548 00:24:09 你們肯定知道you know already,
549 00:24:11 金三胖現在能用Kim Jong-un is now capable
550 00:24:12 核武器覆蓋整個美國西海岸of nuking all of the West Coast.
551 00:24:16 關鍵是我們在談論處于戰爭狀態的The point is we're talking about nuclear nations
552 00:24:18 核武器國家at war with each other.
553 00:24:20 核武器Nuclear.
554 00:24:22 他確實有一個He does have one
555 00:24:23 對付西方的戰術優勢tactical advantage over the West.
556 00:24:25 他很樂意讓數百萬He's more than willing to let millions and millions
557 00:24:29 自己人去送死of his own people die.
558 00:24:30 梆梆 炸了我一臉Ba-bam. Explosions. All over my face.
559 00:24:33 抱歉 昨晚我們度過了有點漫長的夜晚I'm sorry, we had kind of a long night last night.
560 00:24:36 你為什么要告訴我們Why are you telling us
561 00:24:37 - 這些信息呢 -嗯- all this information? -Well,
562 00:24:39 嗯 我們告訴你們這些是因為你們兩位幸運的紳士well, we're telling you this because you two lucky gentlemen
563 00:24:42 要和他單獨在一個房間里are going to be in a room alone with him,
564 00:24:44 哦 對了 順便祝賀你們and congratulations, by the way.
565 00:24:45 這就對了That's right!
566 00:24:47 這是我們來這里的一部分原因Which is part of the reason why we're here.
567 00:24:48 中情局會很高興The CIA would love it
568 00:24:50 如果你們兩位能夠if you two could...
569 00:24:52 把他帶出來take him out.
570 00:24:56 什么Hmm?
571 00:24:57 - 帶他出來 -帶他出來- Take him out. -Take him out?
572 00:24:59 - 比如 喝杯小酒嗎 -不不不- Like, for drinks? -No, no, no.
573 00:25:01 - 帶他出來 -帶出來- Take him out. -Take out.
574 00:25:03 - 吃個飯嗎 -帶他出來吃飯嗎- Like, to dinner? -Take him out to a meal?
575 00:25:05 帶他出來Take him out.
576 00:25:06 - 來城里尋個歡嗎 -聚會- Like, on the town? -Party?
577 00:25:08 不 額No, uh...
578 00:25:10 帶他出來take him out.
579 00:25:12 你要我們去暗殺朝鮮的領導人You want us to assassinate the leader of North Korea?
580 00:25:15 - 是的 -什么- Yes. -What...?!
581 00:25:18 如果我們殺了他 他們就不會If we kill him, won't they just get
582 00:25:20 找另一個有著傻逼發型的肥豬another chubby dude with a goofy hairdo
583 00:25:21 來代替他嗎to come in and replace him?
584 00:25:23 - 沒錯 沒錯 -然后又重蹈覆轍- Exactly, exactly. -And then the same thing happens?
585 00:25:25 嗯 實際上 我們得知他們一些Uh, actually, we're aware of a small faction
586 00:25:27 內部高層希望他能消失in the existing leadership that already wants him gone.
587 00:25:30 他們想要改變 但他們不敢單獨行動They want change; they're too scared to act alone,
588 00:25:32 并且他們需要你們兩個去那里and they need you two to go in there...
589 00:25:34 嗯Hmm...
590 00:25:35 干掉金三胖 鼓勵他們起義反抗remove Kim, embolden them to revolt
591 00:25:39 和接管and take over.
592 00:25:41 蕾絲特工 你會參與嗎Are you, Agent Lacey, going to be involved?
593 00:25:44 我會作為你的耳目I am going to be in your ear,
594 00:25:47 在漫漫長路上陪伴著你by your side, every step of the way.
595 00:25:51 那么我的答案是Then I have one answer.
596 00:25:54 金三胖消失No more Kim.
597 00:25:56 額 你知道嗎Uh, you know what?
598 00:25:57 事實上 我認為我們應該好好談一談Actually, I think we should talk about it more.
599 00:25:59 - 好的 好吧 -好的 那我們就- Okay, all right. -Okay, let's just...
600 00:26:00 - 我們只是談談 -我們只是談談- We're just gonna talk. -We're just gonna talk.
601 00:26:01 當然可以By all means.
602 00:26:02 鄭重聲明下Just for the record,
603 00:26:03 我的雞巴不臭I don't have stink dick.
604 00:26:06 過來 過來 到這兒來Come over here, come here, come in here...
605 00:26:08 我認為我們應該做這件事I think we need to do this.
606 00:26:11 她真是太酷炫了She is so cool.
607 00:26:13 你不懂到底發生了什么 但這很明顯You don't see what's happening, and it's so obvious.
608 00:26:15 - 太瘋狂了 伙計 -什么- It's crazy, man. -What?
609 00:26:17 他們在用美人計誘惑我們They're honeypotting us.
610 00:26:18 - 什么 -一個性感到爆的- What? -It's an attractive
611 00:26:19 女特工引誘男人們去spy woman who lures men
612 00:26:21 做不該他們去做的狗屁任務into doing shit they're not supposed to do.
613 00:26:22 你怎么就不懂呢How can you not see that?
614 00:26:24 - 因為這是性別歧視 -是嗎- Because that is so sexist. -Is it?
615 00:26:26 現在都2014年了 老兄 都什么年代了This is 2014.Dude...
616 00:26:27 女人現在都太聰明了Women are smart now.
617 00:26:29 你真的認為她碰巧擁有Do you actually think she just so happens
618 00:26:31 吸引你的一切因素嗎to have everything you find attractive?
619 00:26:33 劉海 大波 眼鏡嗎Bangs, giant tits, glasses?
620 00:26:35 他們都是騙子 老兄They're fake, man.
621 00:26:36 假的眼鏡Fake glasses?
622 00:26:38 中情局怎么會想出這樣的事情How could the CIA come up with such a thing?
623 00:26:40 嗯 那可憐女孩比蝙蝠還瞎Well, that poor girl is blind as a bat.
624 00:26:42 好吧 我說當我們在吸毒時Okay, I'm just saying that when we're on Molly
625 00:26:44 和當我們勃起的時候可能不是and when we're horned up might not be...
626 00:26:46 - 勃起 -你勃起了- Horned up? -You are horned up.
627 00:26:47 哦 我靠Oh, please!
628 00:26:48 你的雞巴都硬了一半了You got half a fucking chub right now!
629 00:26:52 - 手拿開 -不要- Take your hands away. -Hmm-mm.
630 00:26:53 - 我都看見你勃起了 -我就不把我手拿開 你咬我啊- I saw the boner. -I'm not taking my hands away.
631 00:26:55 把你那該死的雙手拿開Move your fucking hands.
632 00:26:57 好吧 你想看Fine, you want to see it?
633 00:26:58 - 嗯 -盡情看吧- Yeah. -Feast your eyes.
634 00:27:00 好的 這就是我們要做的Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
635 00:27:01 我去把這些毒品爽完I'm gonna poop out these drugs.
636 00:27:02 你去擼一擼把那些想法擼完You're gonna go jerk off these thoughts.
637 00:27:03 如果之后我們還要If we both still want to talk
638 00:27:05 討論這個就討論 但不是現在about this afterwards, then we can, but not until then.
639 00:27:08 戴夫鬧鬧從不放棄擼Dave Skylark never backs down from a jerk-off.
640 00:27:13 三天后In three days,
641 00:27:15 你們將會從紐約飛往北京you will fly from New York to Beijing,
642 00:27:17 從北京轉商業航班where you will transfer to a commercial airline
643 00:27:20 直飛平壤that takes you directly to Pyongyang.
644 00:27:22 抱歉 打個岔啊I'm sorry, this is completely unrelated,
645 00:27:24 額 你的眼鏡怎么了but, um, what happened to your glasses?
646 00:27:28 哦 我 我做了視力矯正手術Oh, I... I got LASIK.
647 00:27:31 我們遇見的這段時間Between the time I saw you and now?
648 00:27:33 - 是的 -好的- Yes. -Okay.
649 00:27:35 現在 我們的情報顯示你們將被帶到這里Now, our intelligence suggests that you will be taken here,
650 00:27:38 從這里進入金三胖的秘密軍事管轄區to Kim Jong-un's personal compound.
651 00:27:41 所以 采訪前So, preceding the interview,
652 00:27:43 你要和金三胖握手you are going to shake Kim's hand,
653 00:27:45 用這個給他一個致命劑量的毒藥administering a fatal dose of poison
654 00:27:48 一種透過皮膚后延時發作的with this, a transdermal time-delayed
655 00:27:51 蓖麻毒素ricin strip.
656 00:27:53 當你和他握手時When you shake his hand,
657 00:27:54 毒藥將會滲入他的皮膚the poison will be absorbed into his skin,
658 00:27:57 在12小時內代謝where it metabolizes for a 12-hour period.
659 00:28:00 沒有人會知道是你倆弄的Nobody will have any idea you two were involved.
660 00:28:03 沒人會知道No one will know?
661 00:28:05 美國肯定會徹底地否認The United States must maintain total and complete deniability.
662 00:28:09 - 完全否認 -當然- Total deniability? -Obviously.
663 00:28:12 - 這和我設想的不一樣 -你怎么設想的- This isn't what I pictured. -What did you picture?
664 00:28:13 我會像一個特么的黑幫分子一樣走進去I walk in there like a fucking gangster
665 00:28:15 當著電視直播的面and blow his little fucking ass away
666 00:28:18 轟掉他的小屁股on television.
667 00:28:19 這是一個爆炸性的電視新聞This is a major television event.
668 00:28:22 你不會想在電視直播畫面外干掉他You don't want to blow it with offscreen death.
669 00:28:25 好嗎Okay?
670 00:28:27 看 在色情方面 我們稱之為噱頭Look, in porno, we call this the money shot.
671 00:28:30 你沒有一群帥哥去You don't have a bunch of dudes going at it,
672 00:28:32 然后在完成之前 你切換到黑屏and then right before they finish, you cut to black
673 00:28:35 然后說 哦 不用擔心and say, "Oh, don't worry,
674 00:28:37 12小時后 他們都在呢12 hours later, they came all over each other."
675 00:28:39 不 我們想要No! We want
676 00:28:41 全身上下的特寫鏡頭the all-over close-up.
677 00:28:42 到處都是他的臉部特寫All over his face.
678 00:28:43 結束The end!
679 00:28:45 哦Ah...
680 00:28:48 棒Bam!
681 00:28:49 你喜歡看哪種毛片What kind of porn are you watching?
682 00:28:51 在他們所有警衛面前What happens when all of his guards
683 00:28:52 你殺死他們的領袖start firing back at you for killing their leader
684 00:28:54 他們一起向你們開槍 你們怎么辦right in front of them?
685 00:28:56 - 問得好 -我的防彈背心- That's a good question. -My bulletproof vest...
686 00:28:58 不 你沒有防彈背心No, you don't have a bulletproof vest.
687 00:29:00 - 你沒有其中的任何一件東西 -我將避開那些子彈- You don't have one of those. -I will dodge those bullets.
688 00:29:02 當你逃出軍事管轄區會發生什么 戴夫What happens after you escape the compound, Dave?
689 00:29:05 我扭頭回去看I look back over my shoulder.
690 00:29:06 我看見艾倫 我抓住他的手I see Aaron. I grab him by the hand.
691 00:29:08 我們跑進那片森林We run out into the woods.
692 00:29:09 也許那里有一個秘密隧道Perhaps there's a secret tunnel there.
693 00:29:12 我們的出口比如是隧道We exit said tunnel.
694 00:29:14 在一個指定的地點 海豹突擊六隊At a designated spot, SEAL Team Six
695 00:29:17 俯沖而下 帶我們去一個swoops in, puts us on one
696 00:29:20 充氣的摩托艇 我們劃水of those inflatable motorboats, we hit the water,
697 00:29:22 我們離開那里 回到你這里we're out of there, on our way to you.
698 00:29:25 如果你打算這樣做 什么會先殺了你If you did try to do this, what would kill you first?
699 00:29:27 低于冰點以下的溫度Sub-freezing temperatures.
700 00:29:28 我不喜歡那么冷I don't like the cold.
701 00:29:30 - 好吧 我們 -餓死 活活餓死- Okay, we... -Starvation, starve to death.
702 00:29:33 你是說美國中央情報局沒有You telling me the CIA doesn't have
703 00:29:34 北臉夾克和一些海盜的戰利品嗎?North Face jackets and some Pirate Booty?
704 00:29:37 嘎吱船長Cap'n Crunch?
705 00:29:38 東北虎怎么辦What about Siberian tigers?
706 00:29:40 - 你想好怎么對付這個問題了嗎 -什么- Did you think about that? -What?
707 00:29:42 你不能射殺他You're not going to shoot him.
708 00:29:43 沒有防彈背心There's not going to be a bulletproof vest,
709 00:29:44 沒人會知道你與此and nobody is going to know
710 00:29:46 有任何關系that you had anything to do with this.
711 00:29:48 就這些了 這就是計劃That's it, that's the plan.
712 00:29:50 - 句號 -好的- Period. -Okay.
713 00:29:51 兩年后Two years later,
714 00:29:52 我寫一本暢銷書出來 全盤托出所有事情I come out with my bestselling tell-all.
715 00:29:55 一個不可思議的旅行"An Unexpected Journey:
716 00:29:56 戴夫鬧鬧的朝鮮歷險Dave Skylark's Adventures in North Korea."
717 00:29:59 你不能寫一本全盤托出的書You can't write a tell-all.
718 00:30:01 我們在中情局總部"We were an oddly-shaped gray room
719 00:30:03 一個奇形怪狀的灰色房間里"At the CIA headquarters.
720 00:30:04 這令人興奮的蕾絲特工The titillating Agent Lacey..."
721 00:30:06 別那樣做Stop doing that.
722 00:30:07 - 為什么 -沒有什么全盤托出- Why? -There's no tell-all.
723 00:30:09 沒有什么全盤托出 蕾絲特工說"'There's no tell-all, ' Agent Lacey said.
724 00:30:11 她看著他"She looked at him.
725 00:30:13 她是憤怒得發抖 還是熱情She trembled with rage, or was it passion?"
726 00:30:16 - 別鬧了 -我只是想讓所有人知道- Stop it. -I just want everybody to know
727 00:30:18 我知道你用眼鏡that I know what you did to me
728 00:30:21 - 對我做了什么 -什么- With the glasses? -What?
729 00:30:23 - 色誘我 -你到底說什么啊- Honeycombed me. -What does that even mean?
730 00:30:25 你色誘了他 糖衣炮彈You honeypotted him. It's honeypot.
731 00:30:27 - 你色誘我了 -你色誘了他- You honeypotted me. -You honeypotted him.
732 00:30:29 - 不 我沒有 -他最后十分鐘- No, I didn't. -He's said a lot of stupid shit
733 00:30:30 說了一堆屁話 但事實上in the last ten minutes, but for reals,
734 00:30:32 你確實色誘他了you did honeypot him.
735 00:30:33 我敢打賭 你怕我是個同性戀I bet you got him in here as a honey dick
736 00:30:35 為了保險起見 讓他在這色誘我 但我不是just in case I'm gay, but I'm not,
737 00:30:37 但如果我是 我老遠一英里就會看見他but if I was, I would've seen him coming a mile away.
738 00:30:39 - 色誘你 -你聽著 她并沒有色誘你- You honey dicking? -Look, she's not honeypotting you,
739 00:30:41 - 而且我也沒有色誘他 -這太無禮了- and I'm not honey dicking him. -It's very offensive,
740 00:30:43 因為基本上如果你是像你對我說的那樣看我'cause basically if you think about what you're saying to me,
741 00:30:45 你就等于說因為我是個女生you're saying because I'm a girl,
742 00:30:47 而且因為我有吸引力and because I'm attractive,
743 00:30:48 所以我在這里的用處只是為了操縱男人my only use for this agency would be to manipulate men.
744 00:30:52 我也認為這樣很無禮I think it's offensive, too.
745 00:30:53 這就是我對艾倫所說的話and that's exactly what I said to Aaron.
746 00:30:55 我說那個婊子瞎得像只蝙蝠I said that bitch is blind as a bat.
747 00:30:57 我們能否釋然呢Can we please move on?
748 00:30:58 我們要殺一個獨裁者We have a dictator to kill.
749 00:31:01 當處理蓖麻毒素繃條時When handling the ricin strip,
750 00:31:03 一定要小心謹慎操作operate with extreme caution.
751 00:31:05 即使短暫的肉體接觸繃條也是致命的Even momentary flesh contact with the exposed strip is fatal.
752 00:31:08 12小時后毒藥會代謝完畢The poison will lay dormant for 12 hours.
753 00:31:11 通過血腦屏障后After it passes the blood-brain barrier,
754 00:31:13 你的心率將飆升到160your heart rate would shoot up to 160.
755 00:31:16 你的身體會不停地出汗腹瀉嘔吐Your body will strain to reject the poison
756 00:31:18 抗拒這種毒素by profusely sweating, defecating, vomiting.
757 00:31:20 幾分鐘內你就會掛了Within minutes, you will be dead.
758 00:31:22 - 好了 -聽明白了嗎- Okay. -Got it?
759 00:31:25 艾倫撕掉標了A的薄膜Aaron peels off the film marked A,
760 00:31:28 讓粘合層暴露出來exposing the adhesive coating.
761 00:31:31 然后把它貼在戴夫的手掌上He then applies the strip to Dave's palm.
762 00:31:33 - 好的 -艾倫然后再撕掉標了B的薄膜- Okay... -Aaron will then remove the film marked B,
763 00:31:36 讓蓖麻毒素露出來exposing the ricin.
764 00:31:38 - 清楚了-好的 清楚了- Clear. -Okay, clear.
765 00:31:39 - 好的 -好的- Okay. -Okay.
766 00:31:40 戴夫要顯得隨意點Dave needs to appear casual
767 00:31:42 當他從房間轉移到as he is transferred from his room
768 00:31:44 - 好的 -直播間的時候- Okay. -to the broadcast facility.
769 00:31:46 很嚴格的一點是他要把他的手張開It is critical that he keeps his hand open
770 00:31:49 然后什么都別碰and touches nothing.
771 00:31:52 戴夫鬧鬧Dave Skylark.
772 00:31:54 金先生- -Mr. Kim...
773 00:31:55 只是握手Just shaking hands.
774 00:31:57 嗨Hi.
775 00:31:59 很高興見到你Nice to meet you.
776 00:32:00 戴夫會向金三胖鞠一躬Dave will bow to Kim
777 00:32:02 然后與他握手then shake his hand,
778 00:32:04 然后立即撕掉繃條immediately disposing of the strip
779 00:32:06 放進夾克口袋里in his jacket pocket, which will be lined
780 00:32:08 夾克的內襯會吸收改變毒藥的性質with an absorbing agent that denatures the poison.
781 00:32:32 - -哦 不- -Oh, no!
782 00:32:34 嘿 嘿Hey! Hey!
783 00:32:35 蕾絲特工Agent Lacey!
784 00:32:36 - 這是什么意思 -你掛了- What's this mean? -You're dead.
785 00:32:38 好吧 鬧鬧先生 所以你就在All right, Mr. Skylark, so you'll just place
786 00:32:40 這里放這個袋蓖麻毒素the ricin case in this pouch here.
787 00:32:42 它會被磁性密封It will magnetically seal,
788 00:32:43 然后你可以安全的走了and then you're good to go.
789 00:32:45 那你的意思是讓我拿著這個包包So you want me to carry this bag?
790 00:32:48 這就是那個包This is the bag.
791 00:32:49 這是一個爛包This is a douche bag.
792 00:32:50 這些手表隱藏了很多戰術功能The watches conceal an array of tactical functions.
793 00:32:54 你用這個跟我保持和指揮中心聯絡It's how you stay in contact with me and the command center.
794 00:32:57 - 艾倫呼叫戴夫 -所有的無線電通訊- Aaron to Dave. -All radio communication
795 00:32:58 都需要有代號should be done using call signs.
796 00:33:00 - 真酷 -戴夫- Cool. -Dave,
797 00:33:01 你是蜣螂you are "Dung beetle,"
798 00:33:03 - 什么 -還有你 艾倫 你是食蟻獸- What? -And Aaron, you are "Aardvark."
799 00:33:05 我可不能帶著這個東西I can't even carry this thing!
800 00:33:06 為什么說你不能帶著這個包What do you mean you can't carry it?
801 00:33:07 不符合空氣動力學Aerodynamics are all off.
802 00:33:08 不時碰到我的腿It's hitting my leg.
803 00:33:09 太笨重It's, like, bulky.
804 00:33:11 一定要記住 二位 你們將要去Please remember, gentlemen, you are entering into
805 00:33:14 世界上最危險而且不可預測的國家the most dangerous and unpredictable country on Earth.
806 00:33:18 金三胖是個操縱別人的大師Kim Jong-un is a master manipulator.
807 00:33:20 他的人民將他奉為神His people revere him as a god.
808 00:33:23 他們會相信任何They'll believe anything
809 00:33:25 金三胖告訴他們的 包括他可以和海豚說話he tells them, including that he can speak to dolphins
810 00:33:29 還有三胖他從不大小便or he doesn't urinate and defecate.
811 00:33:31 臥了個大槽Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
812 00:33:32 你在跟我說有人從不大小便You're telling me my man doesn't pee or poop?
813 00:33:35 我的意思是他需要但是他對I'm telling you he does, and he lies
814 00:33:36 他的人民撒了謊而他們相信他to his people and they believe him.
815 00:33:37 每個人都要上廁所Everybody pees and poops.
816 00:33:38 否則 他會爆屎的Where would it go otherwise? He'd explode.
817 00:33:40 但是他的確能和海豚交流But he does talk to dolphins.
818 00:34:03 好吧 我看起來怎么樣All right, how do I look?
819 00:34:05 帥的飛起Fucking awesome?
820 00:34:06 恩 說實話 你還挺不錯的Yeah, actually, this is really, really nice.
821 00:34:08 - 就說 -但這- Yeah. -And that just...
822 00:34:10 這特么是什么What the fuck is this?
823 00:34:12 - 這是我的包包啊 -包包不錯- It's my bag. -It's wonderful.
824 00:34:13 但這個不是中情局給你的那個啊That's just not the bag the CIA gave you.
825 00:34:15 哦你說那個包啊Oh, that bag?
826 00:34:17 對 那個包Yes, that bag!
827 00:34:18 那個包簡直丑到家了That bag was Fugly with a capital "Fug."
828 00:34:21 但是那個包里面有該死的毒藥Well, it was also designed to conceal fucking poison
829 00:34:22 我們要帶到外國去的that we're gonna smuggle into a foreign country.
830 00:34:24 三胖是個超級粉絲Kim is a super fan.
831 00:34:25 他知道我是個潮人He knows I take fashion risks.
832 00:34:27 你想想 我要是挎著那個包Look, I show up with that other bag,
833 00:34:28 三胖肯定會說Kim's gonna be like,
834 00:34:29 去你的吧: "Oh, no.
835 00:34:30 帶著個破包就來見我"You got ugly bag?
836 00:34:32 你才不是鬧鬧 你個該死的特工"You no Skylark, you secret agent.
837 00:34:34 干掉他Terminate him."
838 00:34:35 那該死的的毒藥呢Where's the fucking poison strip?
839 00:34:37 我把它放到一疊口香糖里I put the strip in a pack of gum.
840 00:34:40 沒人會發現的They'll never find it.
841 00:34:41 我不放心I am not cool with this.
842 00:34:42 - 好戲要上演了 -好戲- It's showtime. -Showtime?
843 00:34:44 根本沒有好戲It's not showtime.
844 00:34:46 - 你干什么 快停下 - 今夜戴夫鬧鬧秀- What are you doing? Stop. - "Dave Skylark Tonight!"
845 00:34:47 快停下來Stop walking!
846 00:34:48 - 停下來 -你好- Stop walking. -Hello.
847 00:34:50 我們將會去朝鮮We are going to North Korea.
848 00:34:51 嗨 鬧鬧Yo, Skylark, which side
849 00:34:52 你會親三胖的哪邊屁股of President Kim's ass you gonna kiss?
850 00:34:54 我才不會親他 但是我I'm not gonna kiss him, but let's just say
851 00:34:56 可能用手給他來點特殊的I might give him something special with my hand.
852 00:34:58 你要給他打飛機You gonna jerk him off?
853 00:35:00 什么 哦不 那是雙關語呢What? No. That's a double entendre.
854 00:35:01 閉上你的臭嘴 閉嘴Shut the fuck... Shut up!
855 00:35:03 - 我只是在埋伏筆 -閉嘴- I'm foreshadowing! -Shut up!
856 00:35:04 閉嘴 快特么上車Shut up! Get in the fucking car!
857 00:35:05 你丫閉嘴 閉嘴Shut up! Shut up!
858 00:35:07 你為什么要說出去Why would you say that? Why would you say that?
859 00:35:16 好的 我們來了All right, here we go.
860 00:35:19 那是什么聲音What's that noise?
861 00:35:20 - 我不知道 -你聽到了嗎- I don't know. -Do you hear that?
862 00:35:22 聽到了Yeah.
863 00:35:33 我勒個去Wow.
864 00:35:35 瘋了吧This is crazy.
865 00:35:38 - 朝鮮你好啊 -喔- Hello, North Korea! -Wow.
866 00:35:41 簡直瘋了This is crazy.
867 00:35:42 好吧 好吧Okay, okay.
868 00:35:43 北邊的朋友你們好嗎North side! -Okay.
869 00:35:45 你好 抱歉 不要介意他Hi. Sorry about... what he's doing.
870 00:35:49 你好 喔Hello! Wow...
871 00:35:51 我喜歡你的風格I like your style.
872 00:35:55 很高興再一次見到你 你好啊Good to see you again. How are you?
873 00:35:57 - 你好 -你好- Hi. -Hello.
874 00:35:58 - 你好 -這太棒了- Hello. -This is great.
875 00:36:00 呃 戴夫 這位是樸素英Uh, Dave, this is, uh, Sook-yin Park.
876 00:36:02 - 素 素女士嗎 -恩 是的- Sook? The Sook? -Yes, yes.
877 00:36:03 你一直說說說的那個That you won't stop talking about?
878 00:36:05 別瞎扯That's not true.
879 00:36:23 我們是不同的民族We are different people.
880 00:36:25 說不同的語言We speak different languages.
881 00:36:28 對嗎Huh?
882 00:36:29 我們長相不同We have different faces,
883 00:36:32 但是內心but inside
884 00:36:35 我們是一樣的we are same-same.
885 00:36:37 一樣的 但是又不同Same-same, but different.
886 00:36:40 但還是一樣的But still same.
887 00:36:44 謝謝 謝謝Oh, thank you.
888 00:36:45 你好（日語）Konichiwa.
889 00:36:47 你知道 我對You know, I'm very,
890 00:36:49 你們這個年輕國度的歷史非常感興趣very interested in the history of your young nation.
891 00:36:52 我聽說I hear that
892 00:36:53 這里每個人都在被餓死absolutely everyone here is-is starving to death.
893 00:36:56 唉 靠No.
894 00:36:57 沒關系的It's quite all right.
895 00:37:00 這是個常見的誤解This is a common misconception.
896 00:37:01 哦 好的Oh, okay.
897 00:37:03 你自己看See for yourself.
898 00:37:08 快看 食品雜貨店呢Oh, wow! It's a grocery store.
899 00:37:09 看著就像我家旁邊那家Looks like the Whole Foods around the corner from my place.
900 00:37:11 看來也沒人填不飽肚子Yep, guess no one's hungry here after all.
901 00:37:14 我們這里食物很充裕We have an abundance of food here.
902 00:37:17 說曹操曹操到 快看那個小胖墩And speak of the devil, look at that fat kid!
903 00:37:19 你好呀 小胖墩Hi, little fatty!
904 00:37:20 你好Hi. Mm-mm!
905 00:37:23 我們朝鮮有很多很多的小胖墩We have many fat children in North Korea.
906 00:37:26 我們偉大的金領袖The Supreme Leader
907 00:37:27 覺得這個是believes it is a hallmark
908 00:37:29 國家昌盛 自足的標志of prosperity and self-sufficiency.
909 00:37:31 其他的我不知道I don't know about all that,
910 00:37:32 但是我聽說but this one is one that I heard.
911 00:37:34 三胖他不大便也不小便I heard he doesn't pee or poo.
912 00:37:36 他超級努力工作 能量在內部就被消耗了He works so hard, he burns the energy from inside.
913 00:37:40 你在跟我說有人不需要大便You-You're telling me my man doesn't have to take a poo?
914 00:37:42 那他有屁眼嗎Does-does he have a butthole?
915 00:37:44 他沒有屁眼He does not have a butthole.
916 00:37:45 他不需求屁眼He has no need for one.
917 00:38:03 哇Whoa!
918 00:38:27 臥槽Ho-ho! Damn, son!
919 00:38:28 臥了個大槽Damn...
920 00:38:29 這邊請Right this way.
921 00:38:36 我知道 快停下I get it. Fucking stop it.
922 00:38:52 這是許長官和于長官These are Officers Koh and Yu.
923 00:38:55 他們是They are the heads of
924 00:38:56 我們偉大的金領袖的保安頭頭our Supreme Leader's personal security.
925 00:39:00 領袖從小就由他們保護They have been with him since he was a little boy.
926 00:39:02 他們會最后搜查你們一遍They will search you one last time
927 00:39:04 然后才能進入偉大領袖的宮殿before entering our Supreme Leader's home.
928 00:39:10 只是一個古琦包Just a Gucci bag.
929 00:39:20 這是什么What's this?
930 00:39:22 額Uh...
931 00:39:24 口香糖gum.
932 00:39:25 這是口香糖That is gum.
933 00:39:31 臥槽你還真試啊Oh, you fucking tried it?
934 00:39:34 這個口香糖沒味道啊This gun has no flavor.
935 00:39:35 - 你要不喜歡就吐出來 -吐出來就好- If you don't like it, just spit it out. -Just spit it out.
936 00:39:38 你要是吐出來我們不會介意的We wouldn't be insulted if you just spat it out.
937 00:39:40 你們的口香糖真是一股屎味Your gum taste like shit.
938 00:39:42 好吧Okay.
939 00:39:44 你們可以進去了You may now enter the Supreme Leader's home.
940 00:39:52 這間房This room
941 00:39:54 - 是給鬧鬧先生的 -爽- for Mr. Skylark. -AARON: Cool.
942 00:39:56 謝謝Thanks.
943 00:40:00 這間是給便便先生的This room for Mr. Rapoport.
944 00:40:02 太棒了Ooh, lovely.
945 00:40:03 - 謝謝 真怪 -棒- Thank you. Quaint. -Cute.
946 00:40:04 恩 我有點累了You know, I'm tired.
947 00:40:06 你覺得呢How are you feeling?
948 00:40:07 - 我們撤 -好- We go now. -AARON: Okay.
949 00:40:09 大哥了 臥槽Dude, what the fuck?
950 00:40:11 額你知道的Hey, uh, you know,
951 00:40:13 - 你肚子怎么樣 -你應該來點藥- how's your tummy feeling? -You should have some Tums.
952 00:40:15 可能你應該來點茶Maybe you should have some tea.
953 00:40:16 靠Fuck.
954 00:40:17 噓-Shh. -Shh.
955 00:40:18 隔墻有耳They could be recording.
956 00:40:19 - 哦對 那東西 -那東西- Oh, the thing. -The thing, all right, go.
957 00:40:21 好可愛的房間Oh, uh... -Lovely room.
958 00:40:23 - 是啊 -好- Yeah. -Oh, yes.
959 00:40:25 好啊 我準備去洗個澡Lovely. I'm gonna go take a shower now.
960 00:40:27 好的我跟你一起去Okay, I'll take one with you.
961 00:40:28 你為什么要跟我一起Why would you take one with me?
962 00:40:30 我只是在編對話啊I'm just making up fake conversation.
963 00:40:31 閉嘴 快閉嘴Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
964 00:40:34 臥槽 臥槽 臥槽What... the... fuck... dude?
965 00:40:37 他把那個吃了 他踏馬吃了He ate it. He fucking ate it.
966 00:40:40 - 你根本不應該去動的 -但是他吃了- You're not even supposed to touch it. -And he ate it.
967 00:40:41 - 嚼了 -臥槽- Chewing. Chewing it! -Shit! Fuck.
968 00:40:44 靠 他會掛掉的Shit, he's gonna die.
969 00:40:45 好吧 好吧 好吧 好吧Look, look, look, look...
970 00:40:47 他應該是三胖的副手 對嗎He's probably, like, Kim's trigger man, okay?
971 00:40:50 他可能殺了 很多很多人He's probably killed, like, tons of people.
972 00:40:51 可能比三胖還壞He's probably worse than Kim,
973 00:40:53 所以我們殺了他沒什么過不去的啊and we're okay with killing Kim, right?
974 00:40:55 恩Yeah.
975 00:40:56 所以我們特么要怎么殺三胖How the fuck are we gonna do that, by the way?
976 00:40:58 我們沒毒藥了We don't have any poison anymore.
977 00:40:59 發生什么了What happened to it?
978 00:41:01 - 有人把毒藥吃了 -有人把毒藥吃了- Somebody ate it. -Someone ate it?
979 00:41:03 你特么為什么要換包Why the fuck did you switch bags?
980 00:41:05 - 對啊 戴夫 -好吧 好吧- Yeah, Dave! -All right, all right!
981 00:41:06 我不應該換包的 我的錯I shouldn't have switched the bags. I'm sorry.
982 00:41:09 - 我早就跟你說過 -聽著 乖乖呆著I told you. -Listen, just sit tight.
983 00:41:10 我會聯絡你們I am going to contact you.
984 00:41:12 別睡著Do not fall asleep.
985 00:41:14 我想個辦法補救一下I'm gonna figure out a way to fix this.
986 00:41:16 謝謝 你為什么要跟她說Thanks. Why'd you tell her?
987 00:41:17 跟她說什么 因為這是真相啊Tell her what? Because it's the truth.
988 00:41:19 你為什么要跟她說他吃了毒藥Why'd you tell her that he ate it?
989 00:41:20 因為他吃了啊Because he did!
990 00:41:21 大哥 那我們可真沒轍了Dude, that was a cock block.
991 00:41:24 給我接烏山空軍基地的弗蘭克上校Get me Major Franks at the Osan Air Force Base.
992 00:41:44 預計到達發射地點時間 20分鐘ETA to launch zone, 20 minutes.
993 00:41:58 我們發射了一個無人機We have a bird en route.
994 00:42:00 大概15分鐘到你們附近It will be within range of you in 15 minutes.
995 00:42:03 食蟻獸Aardvark,
996 00:42:04 你的手表的發射的坐標your watch will transmit the coordinates
997 00:42:06 會引導包裹to guide in the package.
998 00:42:08 你需要到外面的一片沒有樹木的空地上You need to get outside to a place with no tree cover
999 00:42:10 你不會被發現的地方where you can't be detected.
1000 00:42:11 好嗎Okay?
1001 00:42:13 你說什么 蕾絲 為什么是我What-what-what...? Lacey, why do I have to do it?
1002 00:42:15 為什么是你Why you?
1003 00:42:16 因為如果蜣螂被抓到Because if Dung Beetle gets caught
1004 00:42:18 或者被處決 行動就沒法進行下去了or killed, then we don't have a mission anymore, do we?
1005 00:42:20 你真的覺得我會被抓到或者被殺掉You really think I could get caught or killed?
1006 00:42:22 嗨 快穿上你最深色的衣服到外面去Hey, put on your darkest clothes and get outside now
1007 00:42:25 確保你and make sure that you are
1008 00:42:26 至少離大樓20碼at least 20 yards away from the building.
1009 00:42:31 接近發射區Approaching launch zone.
1010 00:42:39 準備好了You ready?
1011 00:42:41 恩恩I think so.
1012 00:42:42 有點緊張 但是感覺還好I'm a little nervous, but I'm feeling okay.
1013 00:42:44 - 好的 好的 -我沒問題的- Okay, okay. -I think I can do it.
1014 00:42:48 - 你干嘛呢 -我要珍惜- What are you doing? -I'm gonna cherish
1015 00:42:49 - 我們在一起的所有回憶 -別這樣- all the memories we have. -Don't do this!
1016 00:42:51 - 什么 -說的跟我馬上就要掛了一樣- What? -Talk to me like I'm about to die, okay?
1017 00:42:53 - 我不會有事的 -好 我知道- I'm gonna be fine! -All right. I know.
1018 00:42:55 我本來都給自己打足氣了 你又來搗亂I'm trying to psych myself up here; you're bringing me down.
1019 00:42:57 我會把你媽當我媽來養的I will love your mother like she was my mother.
1020 00:42:59 - 你就閉嘴吧 閉嘴 -好吧- Just shut up. Shut up. -Okay.
1021 00:43:01 噓Shh.
1022 00:43:05 外面好可怕It's really scary out there.
1023 00:43:07 對 超級可怕Yeah, super-duper scary.
1024 00:43:08 - 小心點 -好的 沒問題 你抓緊我了嗎- Be careful. -Okay, good. You got me?
1025 00:43:10 - 我抓住你了 不會松手的 -好- I got you. I will not drop you. -Okay.
1026 00:43:12 - 好 千萬別松手 -我抓著你呢- Yeah, just don't drop me. -I got you.
1027 00:43:13 - 我了臥槽- I got... Oh! -
1028 00:43:17 食蟻獸 你還好么Aardvark, are you all right?
1029 00:43:21 我沒事 你特么閉嘴吧你I'm fine. Shut the fuck up.
1030 00:43:24 食蟻獸準備好了Aardvark is hot.
1031 00:43:27 食蟻獸 準 備 好 了Aardvark is H-O-T hot.
1032 00:43:40 - 很嚇人啊 -食蟻獸- This is so scary. -LACEY: Aardvark?
1033 00:43:42 你真勇敢You're being extremely brave.
1034 00:43:43 大家都為你自豪Everybody here is very proud of you.
1035 00:43:46 - 我肚子上都是濕的 -食蟻獸- My tummy's all scraped up and wet. -Aardvark,
1036 00:43:48 等你回來我幫你揉揉 別擔心I'm gonna rub your tummy when you get back, don't worry.
1037 00:43:50 就再過去幾英尺 好么Just a few more feet, okay?
1038 00:43:52 再過去幾英尺Just five to ten more feet.
1039 00:43:54 我還要繼續爬嗎I got to keep going?
1040 00:43:55 我不想爬了I don't want to keep going.
1041 00:43:56 靠Fuck.
1042 00:43:58 包裹釋放 3 2 1Package will deploy in three, two, one, boom.
1043 00:44:03 包裹入境了Package is inbound.
1044 00:44:05 兩分鐘后到達Arrival time, two minutes.
1045 00:44:09 再過去5英尺Just five more feet.
1046 00:44:10 5英尺 你就到標記的地方了Five more feet, and you're on your mark.
1047 00:44:12 嘿 嘿Hey, hey,
1048 00:44:14 嘿 別動hey, don't move.
1049 00:44:16 我好像看到了什么東西I think I see something.
1050 00:44:18 啊 有什么東西在那邊- Huh? -There's something out there.
1051 00:44:20 你啥意思 那邊有什么東西啊What do you mean, there's something out there?
1052 00:44:22 那是什么 你能放大嗎What is it? Can you zoom in on that?
1053 00:44:24 我該怎么做What do I do?
1054 00:44:25 我了個去 你看見了嗎Comm One, are you seeing this?
1055 00:44:27 把那玩意放大Zoom in one that thing.
1056 00:44:28 這是什么啊What is that?
1057 00:44:30 有個東西朝著食蟻獸爬過去了There's something crawling towards Aardvark.
1058 00:44:32 臥槽 那是啥 快告訴我What the fuck? What is it? Talk to me.
1059 00:44:34 我看到一個軀體連著四條腿I'm seeing four legs connected to one body.
1060 00:44:37 你他媽看到的是啥啊 我咋啥都沒看見What the fuck are you seeing? I'm not seeing anything.
1061 00:44:39 狗 大狗Dog, big dog.
1062 00:44:41 - 大狗 -和大紅狗一樣大- Big dog? -It's like Clifford size.
1063 00:44:43 我們正在討論永不停歇的故事中的福客We're talking Falkor in "The Neverending Story."
1064 00:44:45 它像龍狗It's like a dragon dog.
1065 00:44:47 像龍狗This is like a dragon dog.
1066 00:44:48 那特么的是Is that a fucking...
1067 00:44:51 哥們 我應該找啥 我不知道Guys, what am I looking for? I don't know...
1068 00:44:52 它像只大狗It's like a big dog
1069 00:44:54 是橙色的that's orange.
1070 00:44:55 還有條紋It's got stripes.
1071 00:44:56 它是一條橙色的有條紋的狗It's like a big, orange, stripey dog.
1072 00:45:04 這是只老虎There's a tiger.
1073 00:45:06 草特么的 是只老虎啊It's a fucking tiger.
1074 00:45:07 特么的是只老虎It's a fucking tiger.
1075 00:45:08 對Yes.
1076 00:45:10 老虎A tiger.
1077 00:45:11 你特么讓我朋友去一個老虎的地盤啊You fucking led my friend into a tiger patch?
1078 00:45:14 我告訴過你那里有老虎的I told you there were tigers there.
1079 00:45:15 哥們 我特么現在非常不！開！心！Guys, I'm very unhappy right now.
1080 00:45:17 聽著 現在外面很黑Look, it's really dark out there.
1081 00:45:18 老虎可能看不見你He probably doesn't see you.
1082 00:45:19 哦 它特么看見我了Oh, it fucking sees me. -
1083 00:45:21 - 它 它能夜視 -他們能晚上看見東西- It ha... it has night vision. -They have night vision?
1084 00:45:24 那破老虎還戴夜視鏡啊That tiger has night vision goggles?
1085 00:45:26 老虎不是戴夜視鏡It doesn't have night vision goggles.
1086 00:45:28 而是天生的有夜視It just naturally has night...
1087 00:45:29 聽著 保持通訊順暢Listen, just keep the line clear,
1088 00:45:31 蜣螂 拜托了Dung Beetle, please?
1089 00:45:32 我有麻煩了Aardvark is in trouble.
1090 00:45:34 我該怎么辦 我該怎么辦What do I do? What do I do?
1091 00:45:35 告訴我 告訴我Talk to me, talk to me.
1092 00:45:37 我不想這樣I didn't want it to come to this,
1093 00:45:39 但是你要跟那只老虎打一架but you're gonna have to fight that tiger.
1094 00:45:40 不 千萬別 不要和老虎斗No, do not! Do not fight the tiger!
1095 00:45:42 別裝紳士 直接上去打老虎的蛋蛋Do not be a gentleman, you go right for the fucking balls.
1096 00:45:44 我沒看到它的蛋蛋啊I don't see its balls.
1097 00:45:46 別和老虎斗 你會輸的Do not fight the tiger! You will lose!
1098 00:45:47 如果是只母老虎 你必須踢那碧池的小妹妹If that's a girl tiger, you got to cunt punt that bitch.
1099 00:45:50 - 戴夫 快特么閉嘴 -踢她小妹妹- Dave, shut the fuck up. -Cunt punt that fucking bitch!
1100 00:45:52 快告訴我你知道這個主意蠢爆了Please tell me you know that that's a stupid idea.
1101 00:45:54 拜托 拜托不要跟老虎干架Please, please don't try to fight the tiger.
1102 00:45:58 我準備跑路I'm gonna make a run for it.
1103 00:46:00 不要逃跑Do not run for it!
1104 00:46:01 你會嗝屁的You will die.
1105 00:46:02 它來了It's coming.
1106 00:46:04 快跑跑跑 哥們 跑 哥們You go, go, go, buddy! Go, buddy!
1107 00:46:06 小心 小心 它追上來了Look out, look out! It's coming after you!
1108 00:46:07 它追上來了It's coming after you!
1109 00:46:21 - 哦 天啊 我還活著 -艾倫- Oh, God, I'm alive. -Aaron!
1110 00:46:23 我還活著- I'm alive. -
1111 00:46:25 你在老虎肚子面嗎 食蟻獸Are you in the tiger, Aardvark?
1112 00:46:26 你在老虎里面嗎Are you inside the tiger?
1113 00:46:28 你還好嗎Are you okay?
1114 00:46:29 你拿到傳送包了嗎Do you have the package?
1115 00:46:30 我是食蟻獸This is Aardvark.
1116 00:46:33 我想那個傳送包剛好特么的把老虎砸死了I think the package just killed the fucking tiger.
1117 00:46:35 太好了 你快把它藏起來Fantastic. You have to secure the package.
1118 00:46:38 把這完蛋玩意藏起來Secure the motherfucking package.
1119 00:46:45 他拿到傳送包了 他拿到傳送包了He's got the package. He has the package.
1120 00:46:47 我拿到了 我應該怎么做I got it; what do I do with it?
1121 00:46:49 食蟻獸 有人來了Aardvark, there are people coming.
1122 00:46:50 你現在必須行動You have to act now.
1123 00:46:52 把傳送包藏起來 把傳送包藏起來Secure the package, secure the package.
1124 00:46:53 - 我咋藏 -他們奔著你來啦- What do I do with it? -They're coming right towards you.
1125 00:46:55 他們要發現了 他們要發現了They're gonna see it, they're gonna see it.
1126 00:46:56 快把那個小導彈藏起來You got to hide that little missile.
1127 00:46:57 我必須把它藏起來I have to hide it somewhere?
1128 00:46:59 我特么藏哪啊Where the fuck do I hide it?
1129 00:47:01 我該怎么辦 我該怎么辦What do I do with it? What do I do with it?
1130 00:47:07 你覺得藏在屁股里行嗎What if you hide it in your butt?
1131 00:47:11 我才不想把這玩意插進我屁股里I don't want to stick it in my ass.
1132 00:47:13 你必須把它塞進你屁眼里 食蟻獸You got to put it in your butt, Aardvark.
1133 00:47:15 拜托 不要吧Comm One, please tell me I don't have
1134 00:47:16 不要把這玩意塞進我屁股里to stick this think in my ass.
1135 00:47:17 好吧 沒錯Okay, you're right. Just give us
1136 00:47:19 給我們點時間去想個好點的法子one second to come up with a better plan.
1137 00:47:20 我就沒有更好的地方藏了嗎Isn't there anywhere else I could secure it?
1138 00:47:22 我覺得應該藏在他屁眼里I think he should put it in his asshole.
1139 00:47:24 我們沒有更好的方案了We don't have a better plan. You're going to have
1140 00:47:26 你快把那玩意插到屁眼里to stick it in your ass.
1141 00:47:27 不 不No! No!
1142 00:47:29 不No!
1143 00:47:30 我以前從來沒干過I've never done that.
1144 00:47:32 我以前干過 它看起來挺大的I've been there before. It looks huge.
1145 00:47:34 但是老虎的血會起到潤滑它的作用That tiger blood will lubricate it.
1146 00:47:36 它會把我的屁眼搞爛的This will mess up my asshole!
1147 00:47:38 食蟻獸 有人來了Aardvark, there-there are people there.
1148 00:47:40 他們正在包圍你They are closing in on you.
1149 00:47:42 他們有槍They have guns.
1150 00:47:43 你要把傳送包藏起來You need to secure the payload
1151 00:47:45 而且是把它藏在你的屁股里面and you need to secure it in your ass.
1152 00:47:46 插進屁屁就行啦Just stick it in your butt.
1153 00:47:47 好 好吧 好吧Okay, fine, fine.
1154 00:47:49 我陪著你呢 兄弟I'm there with you, bro.
1155 00:47:51 聽著我撫慰的語音Just listen to the soothing tones of my voice.
1156 00:47:53 呼吸Just breathe.
1157 00:47:54 哦 好涼Oh, it's cold.
1158 00:47:55 放松一切Just let everything go loose.
1159 00:47:56 哦 我不喜歡這樣Oh, I don't like it!
1160 00:47:57 頭那里The tip is...
1161 00:47:59 是最難插進去的地方it's the worst part.
1162 00:48:01 相信我Trust me on this.
1163 00:48:02 插的時候吸氣Inhale as you do it. -
1164 00:48:06 傳送包的頭已插進來了The tip of the package is secure.
1165 00:48:08 快點 那東西已經進他的屁股了Comm One, that thing is in his butt.
1166 00:48:10 哎喲喂 哎喲喂Owie, owie.
1167 00:48:12 你就快要完成了 艾德瓦克You are almost in the end zone, Aardvark.
1168 00:48:14 把它帶回來就行了Just take it home.
1169 00:48:23 傳送包已藏好The package is secure.
1170 00:48:25 你是個英雄You are a hero.
1171 00:48:26 你特么真是大英雄You are a goddamn hero.
1172 00:48:28 好 他們來了 他們來了- -All right, they're coming, they're coming.
1173 00:48:29 我得走了 先掛了I got to go. Over and out.
1174 00:48:33 嗨 啊 別殺我Hi! Aah! Don't shoot me.
1175 00:48:34 哦 天啊Oh, God!
1176 00:48:45 別傷害我 拜托Don't hurt me, please!
1177 00:48:48 看見沒 這什么都沒有See? There's nothing in here.
1178 00:48:49 什么都沒有There's nothing in here.
1179 00:48:50 啥What?
1180 00:48:52 哦 上帝 不Oh, God, no!
1181 00:48:53 哦Ow!
1182 00:48:56 拜托Come on!
1183 00:48:57 臥槽What the fuck?
1184 00:48:58 為什么 你們為什么這么做Why? Why'd you do that?
1185 00:49:00 你們為什么這么做Why'd you do that?!
1186 00:49:01 這就是你們想要的Is this what you want?
1187 00:49:03 給 你開心了There! You like it?!
1188 00:49:05 開心沒You like it?!
1189 00:49:06 都給你 傻逼們It's all yours, fuckers!
1190 00:49:09 在屋里呆著 美國鬼子Stay in the room, American.
1191 00:49:18 嘿 他們走了 他們看你屁股了嗎Hey, they're gone. Did they look in your butt?
1192 00:49:22 - 不 他們沒看我屁股 -它還在里面嗎- No, they didn't look in my butt. -It's still in there?
1193 00:49:24 - 對 還在里面 -哇哦 肯定挺深- Yes, it's in there. -Wow. Must be deep.
1194 00:49:26 - 對 -快拿出來啊- It is. -Get it out.
1195 00:49:28 我他媽當然要拿出來啊I'm gonna fucking get it out.
1196 00:49:29 我可以幫你I'm here to help.
1197 00:49:49 嘿-Hey.
1198 00:49:51 - 怎么樣 一條有你名字的蓖麻毒素帶- How'd it go? -One ricin strip with your name on it.
1199 00:49:53 我懂的Got it.
1200 00:49:54 好了All right.
1201 00:49:56 看 也不是很糟嘛See, not so bad.
1202 00:49:58 是啊 不是很糟Yeah, not so bad.
1203 00:49:59 - 啥玩意 -對- What?! -Yeah.
1204 00:50:01 - 這個這么大 -這么大- That? -This.
1205 00:50:02 - 在你屁 -屁眼- In your bu...? -Asshole.
1206 00:50:03 - 不 -是- No! -Yes.
1207 00:50:05 - 我以為它 也就這么大I was picturing something, like, this big.
1208 00:50:06 對 我都可以忍受Yeah, that I could live with.
1209 00:50:07 你一到家As soon as you get home,
1210 00:50:09 就去看肛腸科醫生吧you need to see a proctologist.
1211 00:50:10 我他媽也是這么想的I'm afraid to fucking look.
1212 00:50:11 你被機械戰警上了 兄弟You got fucked by RoboCop, dude.
1213 00:50:15 額 誰Uh, who is it?
1214 00:50:17 是金正恩It is, uh, Kim Jong-un.
1215 00:50:19 誰What?
1216 00:50:21 金正啥Kim Jong-what?
1217 00:50:24 我 額 是朝鮮的最高領導人I am the Supreme Leader of, uh, North Korea.
1218 00:50:27 什么What?
1219 00:50:28 臥槽What the fuck?
1220 00:50:29 - 是他 -真特么是他- It's him. -It's fucking him.
1221 00:50:31 - 他來干什么 臥槽What is he doing here? What the fuck?
1222 00:50:32 藏起來 藏起來 藏起來Hide it, hide it, hide it.
1223 00:50:33 - 放回去 -不- Put it back up. -No.
1224 00:50:34 我絕逼不放回去I'm not putting it back up.
1225 00:50:35 不 我準備把他藏在我屋里No, I'm gonna hide it in my room.
1226 00:50:37 - 好的 我應該怎么做 -去跟他打招呼- Okay. What do I do with this? -Go say hi to him.
1227 00:50:38 我現在就把它粘上嗎Do I put it on right now?
1228 00:50:39 不 那樣他死的時候我們還沒走呢No, then he'll die when we're still here.
1229 00:50:41 放你口袋里- -Put it in your pocket.
1230 00:50:42 - 好吧 聽你的 -好吧，聽你的- Okay, fine. -Okay, fine.
1231 00:50:43 - 跟我一起去 - 不 我要把這個藏起來- Come with me. -No, I got to hide this.
1232 00:50:45 - 艾倫 跟我一起吧 -不的 不的- Aaron, just come with me. -No, no...
1233 00:50:47 艾倫 艾倫Aaron, Aaron.
1234 00:50:56 嗨Hi.
1235 00:50:58 早上好 戴夫Good morning, Dave.
1236 00:51:01 早上好Good morning.
1237 00:51:02 嗨Hi.
1238 00:51:04 戴夫 鬧鬧 哈Dave Skylark, ah.
1239 00:51:06 太贊了It's crazy.
1240 00:51:09 哦 我有個禮物要送給你Oh, I have a gift for you.
1241 00:51:11 - 哦 真的嗎 -對- Oh, really? -Yeah.
1242 00:51:13 這個This.
1243 00:51:15 哦 哦 這是我Oh, oh, this is me.
1244 00:51:17 是你It's you.
1245 00:51:18 哦 真棒Oh, that's great.
1246 00:51:19 我一直想要一個 一個塑像I always wanted one of these... a bust.
1247 00:51:22 戴夫 鬧鬧Dave Skylark.
1248 00:51:23 嘿Hey!
1249 00:51:24 - 謝謝 -你喜歡嗎- Thank you. -You like that?
1250 00:51:26 你真的很喜歡這個節目So you really like the show?
1251 00:51:27 不 我可能沒有表現的很明顯 但是有點小緊張No, I might not show it, but I'm freaking out.
1252 00:51:29 你真是一個超級粉絲You're like a superfan.
1253 00:51:31 我確實是I really am.
1254 00:51:32 耶Yeah.
1255 00:51:34 太酷了That's so cool.
1256 00:51:35 別說傻話 小金金Don't say something stupid, Kim.
1257 00:51:38 好的 所以我 額Okay, so I, uh,
1258 00:51:40 想你會 額 會喜歡吃早餐thought you might enjoy, uh, breakfast
1259 00:51:44 然后在我家逛逛and a tour of my home.
1260 00:51:45 必須的I'd absolutely love to.
1261 00:51:49 你知道嗎 我必須要承認 我來之前You know, I have to admit, before I came here,
1262 00:51:52 我認為這里會是一個垃圾場I thought this place was gonna be a dump.
1263 00:51:54 是啊Of course.
1264 00:51:56 幾十年來你們聽過這些錯誤的謠傳For decades, you've heard the false rumors:
1265 00:51:58 朝鮮是一個失敗的國家"North Korea is a failed state.
1266 00:52:00 我們不能養活我們的子民We can't feed our people."
1267 00:52:02 - 是 -那全是謠傳- Yeah. -It's all propaganda.
1268 00:52:04 我知道了 而且 額 我的意思是I see. Well, yeah, I mean...
1269 00:52:06 我確實看到了小胖墩I did see a fat kid
1270 00:52:08 和一個非常漂亮的商店and a really nice-looking grocery store.
1271 00:52:10 對 在朝鮮我們有很多漂亮的商店Oh, we have beautiful grocery stores here in North Korea.
1272 00:52:13 你知道嗎 我最喜歡做的一件事You know, one of my favorite things to do
1273 00:52:15 就是沿著廊道來回散步is just strolling up and down the aisles
1274 00:52:17 看我們國家的美麗果實to see the-the beautiful fruits of my country's land.
1275 00:52:20 我能想象的到I can believe that.
1276 00:52:21 看起來你經常去商店哦It looks like you hit the grocery store pretty often.
1277 00:52:24 去你的 戴夫Screw you, Dave.
1278 00:52:26 - 嘿 想不想看酷一點的 -當然- Hey, you want to see something cool? -Yeah.
1279 00:52:28 臥了個大槽Holy fuck-a-moley!
1280 00:52:41 這是真的嗎Is that real?
1281 00:52:43 這是斯大林給我爺爺的禮物It was a gift to my grandfather from Stalin.
1282 00:52:46 在我們國家 它的讀音是 史泰龍In my country, it's pronounced "Stallone."
1283 00:52:50 你真有趣 戴夫You're so funny, Dave.
1284 00:52:53 恩 對啊Uh, right.
1285 00:52:54 哎呦 我們能看看里面嗎Well, can we look inside?
1286 00:52:56 草 當然能了Fuck, yeah, we can.
1287 00:52:58 來吧Come on.
1288 00:53:00 太酷了This is so cool.
1289 00:53:02 - 坦克 -是啊 坦克- A tank! -Yeah, a tank.
1290 00:53:04 哇哦Whoa.
1291 00:53:05 還能用嗎Is it still live?
1292 00:53:06 我不知道I don't know.
1293 00:53:08 也許我們應該試試Maybe we should find out.
1294 00:53:11 看 你有個 音響設備Look... you have a... sound system in here?
1295 00:53:13 哦 別別別 別 別動Oh, no, no, no. Don't... d-don't touch.
1296 00:53:20 - 凱蒂 佩里 -噢- Katy Perry? -Oh...
1297 00:53:22 哦 啊 不 肯定是我太太把它放那里的Oh, uh... no, my wife must have put that in there,
1298 00:53:25 因為在此之前我從沒聽過這個'cause I've never heard this before in my life.
1299 00:53:28 我愛凱蒂 派瑞I love Katy Perry!
1300 00:53:29 寶貝 你就是一簇煙火 來嘛Baby, you're a firework Come on,
1301 00:53:31 給他們看看你的價值 我愛 我是說 我有這個show 'em what you're worth... I love... I mean, I have this on...
1302 00:53:37 我一直在聽這個I listen to this all the time.
1303 00:53:38 - 真的嗎 -我非常喜歡她- Really? -I love her!
1304 00:53:41 你知道為什么我這么喜歡她嗎You know why I really like her?
1305 00:53:43 因為 因為她給全世界的'Cause... because she has such a strong message
1306 00:53:45 青年女性和女孩兒們傳達出如此強烈的信息for young women and girls across the planet.
1307 00:53:48 她是一個 她天生就有這種氣質She's a... It's so empowering.
1308 00:53:50 是啊Yeah.
1309 00:53:52 你知道嗎 戴夫 有時候我感覺自己就像個塑料袋You know, Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag.
1310 00:53:56 在風中飄著啊Drifting through the wind?
1311 00:53:58 想重新開始Wanting to start again.
1312 00:54:01 哦Oh.
1313 00:54:03 當你射向天空的時候As you shoot across the Sky,
1314 00:54:04 - 天空 天空 -哦 好時光啊sky, sky... Oh, good times.
1315 00:54:09 - 是啊 -是啊 啊 戴夫- Yeah. -Yeah. Uh, Dave?
1316 00:54:11 你覺得瑪格麗塔酒是因為太甜Do you think that margaritas are gay
1317 00:54:14 而被看做同性戀特征嗎because they are so sweet?
1318 00:54:16 誰說的 喝瑪格麗塔酒的人是同性戀Did someone tell you that? That margaritas are gay?
1319 00:54:18 不 這只是我自己的疑問No, it's just a question I have.
1320 00:54:21 如果喜歡凱蒂 佩里 喜歡喝瑪格麗塔酒就是同性戀If liking Katy Perry and drinking margaritas is gay,
1321 00:54:24 那誰想做異性戀呢then who wants to be straight?
1322 00:54:26 - 肯定不是我 -那就太無聊了- Not me. -Boring!
1323 00:54:28 瑪格麗塔酒很棒啊Margaritas are great.
1324 00:54:30 無論是誰給你腦中灌輸這種思想的人 都是瘋子And whoever planted that in your head is crazy.
1325 00:54:33 讓我問你件事Let me ask you something.
1326 00:54:37 這個還能用嗎Does this thing still run?
1327 00:54:43 哦 伙計 這個太棒了 不是嗎Oh, man, this is great, right?
1328 00:55:00 我們能開炮嗎Can we fire the gun?
1329 00:55:02 你覺得我會勾起你的興趣然后不給你展示點真東西嗎You think I'd tease you and not take you all the way?
1330 00:55:05 - 真的嗎 -把那玩意關上- Really? -Close that shit.
1331 00:55:06 - 關艙門 -好的- Closing the hatch. -Okay.
1332 00:55:08 嗙 嗙 嗙Boom, boom, boom!
1333 00:55:14 哦 天啊Oh, shit!
1334 00:55:16 去你的 大樹Fuck you, tree!
1335 00:55:19 控制室需要配備好人員The control room will be fully staffed
1336 00:55:21 來保證傳輸的連續性to insure an uninterrupted transmission.
1337 00:55:23 好吧All right.
1338 00:55:25 這個是中斷開關This is the kill switch.
1339 00:55:26 在采訪中 如果出現任何差錯During the interview, if any parameters are violated,
1340 00:55:30 我就用它切斷信號I will use it and cut the signal.
1341 00:55:32 別擔心 節目全程我們會一直在這里的Don't worry, we're gonna stick with the program here.
1342 00:55:34 我負責這次播送的所有方面I will be in charge of every aspect of this transmission.
1343 00:55:37 說到如何拍攝節目Dave and the show itself are very dependent on me
1344 00:55:39 戴夫和這個節目本身很大程度上都靠我when it comes to how we actually shoot the show.
1345 00:55:42 我知道 為了給這次采訪做準備I know. I've watched every episode
1346 00:55:44 你們做的每一期節目我都看了in preparation for this interview.
1347 00:55:46 哇哦Wow!
1348 00:55:47 我尤其喜歡I particularly enjoyed
1349 00:55:48 麥莉 塞勒斯的駱駝趾那一期the Miley Cyrus camel toe episode.
1350 00:55:50 哦 駱駝趾那段 不錯Oh, the camel toe episode. That was good.
1351 00:55:52 我以前從沒聽說過這種表達I've never heard this expression before.
1352 00:55:55 但在看過之后 就會發現But after seeing it, it is a perfect
1353 00:55:57 這是對她陰道一個絕好的描述representation of her vagina.
1354 00:55:59 確實是 看就來真的很像 是的It is， it looked exactly like that, yeah.
1355 00:56:01 - 非常深 -很深 是啊- It's very deep. -Very deep. Yeah.
1356 00:56:03 她的緊身衣正勾勒出她那飽滿的私處She has quite a hearty moose knuckle.
1357 00:56:04 你們美國人對于性方面的暗喻還真是有創造性啊You Americans are so creative with your sexual innuendos.
1358 00:56:08 - 還行 -很多用動物指代- We do it very well. -Many animal references.
1359 00:56:10 哦 是的 非常多Oh, yes, tons.
1360 00:56:18 請拿著這份問題的打印版Please, take this printed copy of the questions.
1361 00:56:22 有必要讓戴夫在采訪前復習一下It's crucial Dave review them before the interview.
1362 00:56:24 谷長官和于長官會把你帶到Officers Koh and Yu will now take you
1363 00:56:26 你的房間 你在那里用午餐to your room, where you'll be served lunch.
1364 00:56:28 來吧 美國人 再長點肥膘Come, American. Time to get even fatter.
1365 00:56:30 哦 哈哈 太棒了Oh, ha-ha. Great.
1366 00:56:31 謝謝了 伙計們Thanks, guys.
1367 00:56:38 讓你成為我的朝鮮小跟班Making you my little Korean bitch!
1368 00:56:41 你要做什么What are you gonna do?
1369 00:56:42 你打算往洛杉磯發射核導彈嗎You gonna drop some nukes on L.A.?
1370 00:56:44 - 射你麻麻 -我打賭導彈都- Nuke your mama. -I bet they can't even
1371 00:56:45 到不了澳大利亞make it to Australia!
1372 00:56:49 臉Face!
1373 00:56:53 伙計 這太棒了Man, this is so nice.
1374 00:56:56 我來問你件事Let me ask you something.
1375 00:56:58 現在 別誤會Now, don't take this the wrong way.
1376 00:57:00 你可以問我任何事 戴夫You can ask me anything, Dave.
1377 00:57:03 你小大便嗎Do you pee and poo?
1378 00:57:05 你已經聽過那個故事了 是吧You've heard the stories, huh?
1379 00:57:08 是的 我小便也大便Yes, I pee and poo.
1380 00:57:10 那你是有屁眼咯So you have a butthole.
1381 00:57:11 我有屁眼I've got a butthole,
1382 00:57:12 而且它一直在工作and it's working overtime.
1383 00:57:14 你真是太棒了You are awesome.
1384 00:57:15 你知道 這很奇怪You know, this is so weird.
1385 00:57:18 你似乎是最酷的人了You are, like, the coolest guy.
1386 00:57:20 但很多人But a lot of people
1387 00:57:22 說say that...
1388 00:57:24 你是個瘋子you're bat-shit crazy.
1389 00:57:25 他們也沒錯They're not wrong.
1390 00:57:30 我才31歲I'm 31 years old.
1391 00:57:32 就讓我治國這才是瘋了The fact that I am running a country is bat-shit crazy.
1392 00:57:36 嗨 當2400萬人Hey, what am I to do
1393 00:57:37 指望我做他們的領袖 他們的神when 24 million people
1394 00:57:39 我又能怎么做呢look to me as their leader, their god?
1395 00:57:43 我父親臨終前囑托What am I to do when my father's dying wish
1396 00:57:47 讓我接班 我又能做什么呢was for me to carry his torch?
1397 00:57:50 哇哦Wow.
1398 00:57:53 你想知道我父親在臨終前的病榻上對我說了什么嗎You want to know what my father said to me on his deathbed?
1399 00:57:56 他說了什么 戴夫What did he say, Dave?
1400 00:57:57 我很失望"I'm disappointed,
1401 00:57:59 因為你這一生無所成就because you haven't done enough with your life."
1402 00:58:01 那糟透了That is fucked up.
1403 00:58:04 是啊 誰說不是呢Yeah, tell me about it.
1404 00:58:05 喬丹來了Jordan!
1405 00:58:08 哦Oh!
1406 00:58:10 - 他們說我無能 -這正是他們所說的- They call me incompetent. -That's exactly what they
1407 00:58:12 - 就在我拿到這次采訪時 他們也是這么說的 -不會吧- said about me when I scored this interview. -No way.
1408 00:58:16 他們說 戴夫 的鬧鬧劇既愚蠢又無能They said, "Dave Skylark is stupid and incompetent."
1409 00:58:19 你很英俊 有能力 也很文雅You're handsome, competent, suave.
1410 00:58:21 他們怎么能這么說How dare they!
1411 00:58:22 我假裝他們的羞辱并沒有傷害到我I pretend like their insults don't get to me.
1412 00:58:27 但其實傷到了But they do.
1413 00:58:29 你知道比核彈傷害更具毀滅性的是什么嗎You know what's more destructive than a nuclear bomb?
1414 00:58:32 言語Words.
1415 00:58:34 人們嫉妒像你我這樣的人And the people are jealous of men like you and me.
1416 00:58:38 他們好像是看不起我們 那是因為他們成不了我們It's as though they despise us because they are not us.
1417 00:58:44 討厭我們 因為他們不是我們Hate us 'cause they ain't us.
1418 00:58:46 沒錯Exactly.
1419 00:58:48 他們討厭我們是因為他們并非我們They hate us because they ain't us.
1420 00:58:53 - 這個說法很棒 有木有 -討厭我們是因為他們并非我們- That's a great saying, okay? -Hate us 'cause they ain't us!
1421 00:58:55 他們討厭我們是因為他們并非我們They hate us because they ain't us.
1422 00:58:59 小金金 接好了 哥們Kim! You got it, boy!
1423 00:59:00 好吧 好吧 空中接力Okay. Okay. Alley-oop!
1424 00:59:02 噢Oh!
1425 00:59:05 - 沒關系- That's all right.
1426 00:59:06 - 沒關系 -哦 我的關節啊- That's all right. -Oh, my ankles.
1427 00:59:09 - 好吧 -嘿 小金金- Okay. -Hey, Kim.
1428 00:59:12 我問你件事Let me ask you something.
1429 00:59:18 是你父親說喝瑪格麗塔酒的都是同性戀嗎Was your father the one who said that margaritas are gay?
1430 00:59:22 他說我和我的兄弟們都太娘娘腔了He said that my brothers and I were all too feminine.
1431 00:59:27 他說是紙醉金迷的生活讓我們變成了同性戀That our luxurious lifestyles turned us into homosexuals.
1432 00:59:35 我再也不用擔心這個了I don't have to worry about that anymore.
1433 00:59:38 因為 你猜我得到的最多的是什么Because guess what I get tons of.
1434 00:59:44 女人Pussy.
1435 00:59:45 哦 我的天吶Oh, my God.
1436 01:00:21 嘿Hey.
1437 01:00:23 老兄 你一整天Dude, you just spent the fucking day
1438 01:00:24 都和三胖在一起 都干嘛了with Kim Jong-un. What happened?
1439 01:00:26 啊Ah...
1440 01:00:27 這一天過得很棒It was amazing.
1441 01:00:28 - 很棒 -是啊- "It was amazing"? -Yeah.
1442 01:00:30 我覺得這是我一生中最棒的幾天之一I think it was one of the best days of my life.
1443 01:00:33 - 什么 -我們一起抽雪茄- What? -We smoked joints,
1444 01:00:34 打籃球played basketball,
1445 01:00:36 干妞兒fucked chicks.
1446 01:00:38 還喝了最棒的瑪格麗塔酒We had the best margaritas.
1447 01:00:40 你是說你干了妞兒Did you say you fucked chicks?
1448 01:00:42 哦 我滴神啊Oh, my God.
1449 01:00:43 三胖就是個色鬼Kim Jong is an animal.
1450 01:00:46 你知道你明天就得殺掉這個人 對嗎You know you have to kill this fucking guy tomorrow, right?
1451 01:00:49 我也會想一下這次的任務I've been thinking a little bit about the mission.
1452 01:00:52 好吧Okay.
1453 01:00:53 美國 你知道America, you know,
1454 01:00:55 總是把它的鼻子放進東西里聞 然后把它弄得一團糟always puttin' its nose in things and screwin' 'em up.
1455 01:01:00 事實上 三胖是個操縱媒體的好手The truth is, Kim is a master at manipulating the media.
1456 01:01:03 - 是啊 -你就是媒體- Yeah. -You're the media.
1457 01:01:06 你明白是怎么回事了嗎You get what's happening here?
1458 01:01:07 也許媒體正在操縱你Maybe the media's manipulating you.
1459 01:01:09 也許媒體正在操縱"Maybe the media's manip..."?
1460 01:01:11 這他媽到底什么意思啊What the fuck does that even mean?
1461 01:01:13 我是唯一一個和他真正呆在一起的人 對吧I'm the only one who's spent real time with him, all right?
1462 01:01:16 我們面對面Spent face-to-face time.
1463 01:01:18 老二對老二Dick-to-dick.
1464 01:01:19 伙計 我只是同情It's just, man, I can sympathize
1465 01:01:22 那些被媒體拋棄的人 那糟透了with people that get dumped on by the media... and it sucks.
1466 01:01:24 呃 你知道還有什么也他媽的糟透了嗎Well, you know what else fuckin' sucks?
1467 01:01:27 集中營 饑荒 死刑射擊隊Concentration camps, famine, firing squads...
1468 01:01:30 在這里我可沒發現 你呢I didn't see any here. Have you?
1469 01:01:31 沒有發現No.
1470 01:01:34 我們偉大的領導邀請您Your attendance is required in the banquet room
1471 01:01:36 到宴會廳of the Eternal Leader.
1472 01:01:38 - 嘿 你怎么樣啊 -不錯 真的- Hey, how you doing? -Yeah, seriously.
1473 01:01:40 你看起來棒極了You are looking fantastic.
1474 01:01:42 你對我是否安康的異常關心Your unhealthy obsession with my well-being
1475 01:01:44 只會讓我對你們倆更加懷疑is only making me more suspicious of you two.
1476 01:01:46 - 你不必懷疑 -哦 不 不 不- You don't have to be suspicious. - Oh, no, no.
1477 01:01:48 我只是想知道你的習慣 老兄I just want to know what your routine is, man.
1478 01:01:49 你狀態看起來真的不錯 你是吃維他命還是You look fantastic. Do you take vitamins or...?
1479 01:01:51 - 你肯定是做了什么 -是啊 你看起來非常不錯- You're doin' somethin' right. -Yeah, you look good.
1480 01:01:53 別再問我們任何問題了Do not ask us any more question.
1481 01:01:54 我們在宴會廳見吧Meet us in the banquet hall.
1482 01:02:02 你看看 和他們的身體比起來 吉他有多大啊You see how big their guitars are compared to their bodies?
1483 01:02:37 我覺得這很有趣I think it's funny.
1484 01:02:39 確實很有趣That is funny.
1485 01:02:48 哦 不Oh, no.
1486 01:02:50 起作用了It's happening.
1487 01:02:58 戴夫Dave.
1488 01:03:02 戴夫Dave.
1489 01:03:06 不是No.
1490 01:03:18 - 等等 怎么了 -你看那個- Wait, what? -Look at the fu...
1491 01:03:21 他們沒事They're good.
1492 01:03:25 哦 該死 哦 該死 哦 該死Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
1493 01:03:28 嘎 嘎Caw, caw.
1494 01:03:39 - 我們怎么辦 -他要大便了- What do we do? -He's gonna poo.
1495 01:03:56 - 哦 不是 不是- Oh, no. Oh, no. -
1496 01:04:00 哦 靠 哦 別 別Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh, no.
1497 01:04:06 毒藥起作用了It's happening.
1498 01:04:22 好惡心So gross.
1499 01:04:27 哦 不 不 不Oh, no, no, no.
1500 01:04:29 - 哦 不 不 不- -Oh, no! Oh, no!
1501 01:04:38 - 哦 不 哦 不-- Oh, no. Oh, no. -
1502 01:04:51 沒事了 兄弟It's okay, man.
1503 01:04:54 有事No.
1504 01:04:55 振作下啊 小伙子Come on, man.
1505 01:04:56 我們剛殺了兩個無辜的人We just killed two innocent men.
1506 01:04:59 聽著 戴夫 首先呢Look, Dave, first of all,
1507 01:05:01 這些人死了不是你的錯it's not your fault that those men died.
1508 01:05:03 然后 他們應該死Second of all, they had to go.
1509 01:05:04 他們知道我們在策劃什么事They knew we were up to something.
1510 01:05:07 - 我不干了 -什么- I'm out. -What?
1511 01:05:10 - 你不能就這樣退出了 -我不干了- You cannot pull out of this. -I'm pulling out.
1512 01:05:12 - 你已經不得不干了 -我就不干了- You're way too deep to pull out. -I'm pullin' out.
1513 01:05:13 不，你不能 你得繼續參與No, you are not. You are leaving it in.
1514 01:05:15 我已經要不干好幾年了 小子I been pullin' out for years, son.
1515 01:05:16 你他媽的不能退出這次任務You are not fucking pulling out of this mission.
1516 01:05:19 這是我們來這里的唯一目的That's the only reason we're here.
1517 01:05:20 我們來這里就是做這個的We are doing this!
1518 01:05:21 三胖不是壞人Kim is not evil.
1519 01:05:23 他只是生在這樣一個苦命的環境里He was just born into a hard situation.
1520 01:05:24 你真他媽的蠢 并且還他媽的無知 戴夫You are fucking stupid, and you are fucking ignorant, Dave.
1521 01:05:30 - 嗯 -呃- Mm! -Ugh!
1522 01:05:33 - 你說誰無知呢 -你 這個混帳東西- Who you calling ign'ant? -You, motherfucker.
1523 01:05:35 你真他媽狂妄自大You're fuckin' arrogant.
1524 01:05:37 他給你看的所有東西都是假的Everything he's shown you is fake.
1525 01:05:39 你讓你看你想看到的He's shown you what you want to see.
1526 01:05:41 他在愚弄你 你個蠢貨He's fooled you, you fucking idiot!
1527 01:05:43 天啊 看看你那要背叛我的樣子God, look how ready you are to betray me.
1528 01:05:46 一直以來我都認為你會像山姆衛斯對待佛羅多一樣對待我This whole time I thought you were Samwise to my Frodo.
1529 01:05:50 沒想到你就是個博羅米爾But you're just Boromir.
1530 01:05:52 我才不知道那是什么鬼東西呢I don't know who the fuck that is.
1531 01:05:54 我不知道博羅米爾是誰"I don't know who Boromir is."
1532 01:05:55 這就是博羅米爾那樣的人說的話That's such a Boromir thing to say.
1533 01:05:56 這件事他媽就快完了This is fuckin' done.
1534 01:05:58 做完這件事你他媽的就完事了You are fuckin' done after this.
1535 01:05:59 只要你殺那個混蛋東西 這件爛事就完了Once you kill this motherfucker, this shit's over.
1536 01:06:02 但是你得去殺了他But you are going to kill him!
1537 01:06:03 你把我變成了一把槍 現在你又要把我這把槍指向You've just turned me into a gun, and you're pointing me
1538 01:06:05 那個打動我的心的人at the one guy who actually gets me.
1539 01:06:07 好吧 你知道嗎 牛仔Well, you know what, cowboy?
1540 01:06:09 一把沒有子彈的槍是開不了槍的A gun can't fire without no bullets.
1541 01:06:12 你他媽要干什么What the fuck are you doing?!
1542 01:06:13 - 不 不 不 不 不 不 不 -就要 就要 就要就要- No, no, no, no, no, no! -Yes, yes! Yes, yes!
1543 01:06:19 你知道你剛才做了什么嗎Do you realize what you just did?
1544 01:06:20 我救了一個人的命 你個殺人犯I just saved a life, you murderer.
1545 01:06:22 - 你個 -鬧鬧先生- You piece of fu... -Mr. Skylark.
1546 01:06:24 最高領導人要求你出席The Supreme Leader requests your presence
1547 01:06:26 平壤一家餐廳的晚餐at a restaurant in Pyongyang for dinner.
1548 01:06:28 他會在30分鐘內過來接你He will be at your door in 30 minutes.
1549 01:06:43 嘿 戴夫Hey, Dave.
1550 01:06:45 我悲傷的時候很感謝你能和我在一起在Thank you for being with me in my time of sorrow.
1551 01:06:50 那真是非常惡心且一團糟That was super-gross and fucked-up.
1552 01:06:54 你好Hi.
1553 01:06:56 額 最高領導人先生Uh, Mr. Supreme Leader.
1554 01:06:58 我是艾倫I'm Aaron.
1555 01:07:01 - 艾倫 -你好- Aaron? -Hello.
1556 01:07:03 呃 我們還沒有機會正式見面 偉大的領導人先生Uh, we never got a chance to formally meet, Mr. Great Leader.
1557 01:07:07 我只是想和你握個手I just wanted to shake your hand.
1558 01:07:10 好吧 戴夫的朋友就是我的朋友Well, any friend of Dave is a friend of mine.
1559 01:07:19 呃Uh-huh.
1560 01:07:27 不No!
1561 01:07:29 - 不要和他握手 -為什么不- Don't shake that hand. -Why not?
1562 01:07:31 對 為什么Yeah, why not?!
1563 01:07:32 因為艾倫是猶太人Because Aaron's a Jew.
1564 01:07:34 - 哦 惡心 -我們走吧 最高領導人- Oh, gross. -Let's go, Supreme Leader.
1565 01:07:37 好的 很高興見到你Okay. It was nice meeting you.
1566 01:07:38 你不知道猶太人就是霉運嗎Don't you know Jews are bad luck?
1567 01:07:40 屌你 屌你Fuck you, fuck you!
1568 01:07:43 是朋友就不要殺朋友的朋友Friends don't kill friends' friends.
1569 01:07:47 好吧 好吧Okay. Okay.
1570 01:07:50 哦 操Oh, fuck.
1571 01:07:58 便便先生 我們需要回顧一些在明天的采訪中Mr. Rapoport, we need to review some new data
1572 01:08:00 領導人希望包括在內的新的數據the Leader wants included in tomorrow's interview.
1573 01:08:02 現在真不是時候Now's not really the best time.
1574 01:08:05 這只要耽擱一點時間It will only take a moment.
1575 01:08:07 哦 好吧Yeah, okay.
1576 01:08:09 - 很好 -謝謝你- Great. -Thank you.
1577 01:08:11 喝一杯怎么樣Would you like to share a drink?
1578 01:08:16 舉起你們的杯子Raise your glasses.
1579 01:08:18 許和于Koh and Yu!
1580 01:08:19 許和于擁有一個人能擁有的最好的特質Koh and Yu possessed the finest trait men can have
1581 01:08:24 忠誠Loyalty.
1582 01:08:26 我知道你的感受 在我還小的時候I know how you feel. My dog Digby died
1583 01:08:28 我的狗死了 到現在想起這事我還是感覺難受when I was a kid, and I'm still fucked up about it.
1584 01:08:34 是忠誠讓我父親Loyalty is what made my father
1585 01:08:37 和爺爺變得這么成功and grandfather so successful.
1586 01:08:39 這是對的 聽好了 嘿 你 聽好了That's right. Listen up. Hey, listen up. You.
1587 01:08:42 沒有忠誠Without loyalty,
1588 01:08:44 一個國家就是一盤散沙a country is a lawless jungle.
1589 01:08:49 歡迎來到叢林 親愛的 歡迎來到叢林Welcome to the jungle, baby. Welcome to the jungle.
1590 01:08:52 用你們的小短腿On your sh-n-n-n-n-n-n knees.
1591 01:08:54 如何才能打敗這么多的敵人How else can I prevail against so many enemies?
1592 01:09:00 背叛者Defectors.
1593 01:09:02 南韓資本家South Korean capitalists.
1594 01:09:04 在這個房間里The people in this room...
1595 01:09:06 認為我不能很好的接替我的父親的人who don't think I can fill my father's shoes!
1596 01:09:09 這些雜種就不應該用人道對待These bastards deserve no humanity!
1597 01:09:14 對于這些在國內國外To those who seek to undermine me,
1598 01:09:18 想搞垮我的人at home and abroad,
1599 01:09:20 我僅能用我的全部實力I cannot respond with anything less
1600 01:09:23 來回應他們than the totality of my strength!
1601 01:09:26 如果在這個地球上和我的國家中有上億的人If a billion people across the Earth and in my own country
1602 01:09:30 必須被燒成灰燼來證明這一點must be burned to prove it
1603 01:09:32 那么我作為金姓一族的價值then my worthiness as a Kim
1604 01:09:36 就會體現will be demonstrated!
1605 01:09:48 額Um...
1606 01:09:51 嘿 小金 我需要出去一下Hey, Kim, I gotta go outside.
1607 01:09:54 可以嗎 我只是感覺喝了Is that okay? I'm just feelin'...
1608 01:09:56 太多 呃 燒酒 什么的Too much, uh, s-s-soju, whatever.
1609 01:10:00 好的Okay.
1610 01:10:02 我過會兒回來I'll be back.
1611 01:10:04 那么你是怎么樣成為政府So how'd you wind up as one of the heads
1612 01:10:08 的領導人之一的of a, uh, dictatorship?
1613 01:10:09 啊Ah.
1614 01:10:11 有一天 黨的官員來到我們班上One day, party officials came to my classroom
1615 01:10:13 找一個年輕的女孩in search of a young woman
1616 01:10:15 去作金家的私人侍從to serve on the Kim family personal staff.
1617 01:10:17 他們選擇了我They selected me.
1618 01:10:20 過了幾年Over the years,
1619 01:10:22 我在金正恩身邊長大I grew close with Kim Jong-un.
1620 01:10:24 當他當權的時候 他帶上了我When he rose to power, he took me with him.
1621 01:10:29 成就了現在的我And here I am.
1622 01:10:31 在我的生活中也有個那樣的人Kinda have a guy like that in my life, too.
1623 01:10:34 你跟著戴夫很久了吧You've been with Dave a long time.
1624 01:10:37 他很難讓人離開He's a hard guy to leave.
1625 01:10:39 你就向錢一樣 無法對戴夫說不You just like the money and can't say no to Dave.
1626 01:10:41 沒有No...
1627 01:10:43 是的 我知道的Yes! I know you.
1628 01:10:45 你真他媽的了不起You're fuckin' awesome.
1629 01:10:47 - 不 我不懂你在說什么 -有點奇怪- No, I don't understand you. -And it's a little bit weird.
1630 01:10:50 我的意思是 你在這個國家有男朋友嗎I mean, do you have a boyfriend in this country?
1631 01:10:52 還是說我問的太遠了呢Is that too forward of me to ask?
1632 01:10:56 你在看什么What are you lookin' at?
1633 01:10:59 - 我得走了 -為什么- I should leave. -Why?
1634 01:11:02 我擔心我對你產生的感情I'm concerned my feelings of attraction for you
1635 01:11:06 會讓我犯錯will cause me to make mistakes.
1636 01:11:08 你對我產生了感情Your feelings of attraction for me?
1637 01:11:10 不管了Fuck this!
1638 01:11:14 從我在那個山頂上看到你的時候起Ever since I saw you on that mountaintop,
1639 01:11:16 這就一直想這樣this is all I've been thinking about.
1640 01:11:17 我也是Me, too.
1641 01:12:39 假的Fake.
1642 01:12:42 假胡蘿卜Fake carrots.
1643 01:12:44 假水果！Fake fruit!
1644 01:12:45 假的！Fake!
1645 01:12:48 假的！Fake!
1646 01:12:50 假柚子！Fake grapefruits!
1647 01:12:53 都特么假的！Fake!
1648 01:12:56 騙紙！Liar!
1649 01:12:59 你這騙紙！You liar!
1650 01:13:09 你怎么還不把我脫光？Why aren't I naked yet?
1651 01:13:12 呃…Uh...
1652 01:13:16 - 啊 - 刺激！- Aah! -Yeah.
1653 01:13:17 好多毛 毛多得活像頭熊！You're hairy, you're so hairy like a bear!
1654 01:13:20 你真特么性感啊You're fucking sexy, yeah.
1655 01:13:22 你奶頭居然這么粉Your nipples are so pink!
1656 01:13:24 是啊 的確Yes, they are.
1657 01:13:25 愛死了I love it!
1658 01:13:27 好吧 我擦 別Okay, no, whoa, no!
1659 01:13:29 - 不能用手 - 不用手- No hands. -No hands?
1660 01:13:31 我不喜歡做咸豬手I'm not into handsy shit.
1661 01:13:32 我就醬紫的That's how I like it.
1662 01:13:33 那…Well...
1663 01:13:35 摘掉它Just take it off.
1664 01:13:38 好吧Okay.
1665 01:13:40 你說過不用手的You said no hands!
1666 01:13:42 你特么用手抽的我啊You fucking hit me with your hand!
1667 01:13:43 你叫老子怎么脫How do I get it off?
1668 01:13:45 用你丫的美國大肥牙咬開啊Use your big, fat American teeth.
1669 01:13:48 好的 我試試Okay, I will!
1670 01:13:50 真贊啊This is awesome.
1671 01:13:57 擦 好難弄啊Oh, this is hard.
1672 01:14:04 媽的Shit...
1673 01:14:06 哦 天啊 咋了Oh, shit, what's wrong?
1674 01:14:09 我給你的那組土豆上的數字The numbers I gave you on potato output...
1675 01:14:13 其實是我吹牛逼的are exaggerated.
1676 01:14:16 沒關系 我根本不在乎的That's okay with me. I don't really care about that.
1677 01:14:17 你愿意的話 你可以給我If you want, you can give me
1678 01:14:18 那組真實數字 然后我們回到the real numbers, and we can get back
1679 01:14:20 - 剛才進行到的地方 - 不，不只是數字的事- to what we were doing. -No, it's not just the numbers.
1680 01:14:23 我這人糟糕透頂I am a terrible person.
1681 01:14:25 不會啊 你是最好的女人No, you're not. You're the best person.
1682 01:14:26 你不是要跟我做愛么You were about to have sex with me.
1683 01:14:28 這跟別人最愛做的事情一樣一樣啊That's like the best thing someone could do.
1684 01:14:29 我是個專制獨裁政權的宣傳者I'm the propagandist of a totalitarian dictatorship.
1685 01:14:33 你在這塊剛好可以完善That's an area you could improve,
1686 01:14:35 但 這些事你不必要去想太多 懂么but, you know, you don't have to dwell on it or anything.
1687 01:14:38 他跟他爹還有他爺一樣殘酷無情He's as cruel as his father and grandfather before him.
1688 01:14:42 這些東西你從來都知道啊You knew this this whole time.
1689 01:14:43 怎么現在讓你這么糾結Why is this just bothering you now?
1690 01:14:46 我為這個糾結很久了It's been bothering me for a long time,
1691 01:14:48 我也不是唯一一個這么糾結的人and I'm not the only one,
1692 01:14:51 可太多人把他奉若神明but too many people see him as a god.
1693 01:14:55 你怎么向那兩千四百萬人證明How do you prove to 24 million people
1694 01:14:57 他們的神明是個殺人放火的騙子that their god is a murderer and a liar?
1695 01:15:01 艾倫 我得跟你談談Aaron, I need to talk.
1696 01:15:03 我靠 是戴夫 媽的Fuck, it's Dave... shit.
1697 01:15:06 你 你躲在這 我一會就會回來You, you hide in there, I'll be back.
1698 01:15:07 - 我會應付他 -好的 快去 快去- I'll go deal with him. -Okay, go, go, go...
1699 01:15:10 哦 該死Oh, shit.
1700 01:15:11 - 艾倫 你在么 -在 稍等一會 稍等一下- Aaron, are you here? -Yeah, one sec, uh, one sec.
1701 01:15:14 - 馬上 別進來 千萬別進來 -我需要和你談談- One sec... don't come in, don't come in! -I need to talk.
1702 01:15:17 嘿 進展如何了Hey, how's it going, dude?
1703 01:15:19 - 不太好 -嗯 也許現在- Not good. -Uh, maybe now's
1704 01:15:20 不是一個好時機 也許我們應該撤了not a good time, maybe we should take a walk.
1705 01:15:22 不 不 不 我不能現在撤No, no, no, no, I can't walk this off.
1706 01:15:24 我現在還不能走I cannot walk this off.
1707 01:15:25 我需要I need to...
1708 01:15:28 我他娘的要氣炸了I'm so fucking pissed.
1709 01:15:29 我只是需要找個東西撒撒氣I just want to hit something!
1710 01:15:31 哦 不 不No, no!
1711 01:15:32 別 不要打任何東西No, don't punch anything!
1712 01:15:35 放松Breathe.
1713 01:15:36 放松 吸氣 呼氣 也許就能好點Just breathe, maybe pace it out.
1714 01:15:38 媽的Fuck, man.
1715 01:15:40 三胖Kim.
1716 01:15:42 - 那 那三胖怎么了 -他要瘋了- Wha-What about him? -He's going crazy.
1717 01:15:43 他說他要炸掉整個世界He said he's going to blow up the world
1718 01:15:45 僅僅是為了炫耀他是個混蛋just to show that he's the shit.
1719 01:15:47 剛開始 我覺得And at first, I thought,
1720 01:15:48 "也許他也就是說說而已 你懂的"All right, maybe he's just talking, you know,
1721 01:15:51 也許他不是認真的"maybe he doesn't mean it."
1722 01:15:53 可是后來我看到了個假的葡萄柚Then I saw this fake fucking grapefruit.
1723 01:15:56 嘛玩意What?
1724 01:15:58 所有在水果店的水果都是假的All the food in that grocery store is fake!
1725 01:16:00 他他娘的把我耍了He fucking lied to me.
1726 01:16:02 也許 也許那個死胖子并不是真胖Maybe that, maybe that fat kid isn't fat.
1727 01:16:04 我是說 噢 那集中營呢I mean, oh, what about the concentration camps?
1728 01:16:08 還有饑荒 萬一那是真的And the famine... maybe that's real.
1729 01:16:10 天吶God!
1730 01:16:12 就是真的 三周來我一直在不停地告訴你It is... I've been telling you that for weeks now.
1731 01:16:14 他耍了我He fucking honeydicked me.
1732 01:16:16 他他媽的把我耍得像猴似的He honeydicked the shit out of me.
1733 01:16:18 - 該死 -你還有那個毒藥嗎- Sucks. -You still got that poison?
1734 01:16:23 - 你說不出話來了嗎 -你他娘的要干啥- You can't speak? -What the fuck?
1735 01:16:25 我想知道你是否還有那個該死的毒藥I want to know if you have the fucking poison
1736 01:16:27 - 然后我們可以殺了那個狗娘養的 -你說什么- so we can kill that motherfucker. -What?!
1737 01:16:30 噢 間諜 這是搞毛啊Whoa, ho, spy! What the hell?!
1738 01:16:32 - 她是我們這邊的 -這他媽的是搞毛啊- She's on our side! -What's going on here?!
1739 01:16:33 - 相信我 我不是間諜 -你可以相信她- You can trust me, I'm okay. -You can trust her, man!
1740 01:16:35 相信她 你腦殘么 我們得殺了她Trust her?! Are you joking?! We got to kill her.
1741 01:16:37 - 哦 上帝 你要干嘛 -嘿 我和她上床了- Oh, my God, what are you doing? -Dude, I was in bed with her!
1742 01:16:39 - 什么 -我們在交往- What?! -We're hooking up.
1743 01:16:41 - 所以她才會在這 -什么- That's why she's here. -What?!
1744 01:16:42 放開他 沒事的Let him go; everything is fine.
1745 01:16:44 那現在我們得殺了你喜歡的這個女孩Now we got to kill the girl that you like.
1746 01:16:45 這簡直是糟糕透頂This is the worst moment ever!
1747 01:16:46 我們不能殺了她We're not killing her!
1748 01:16:50 - 她是效忠于金三胖的 -不要- She's loyal to Kim. -No!
1749 01:16:51 喂 她剛剛告訴我她要和我們一邊Dude, she was just telling me she's with us.
1750 01:16:54 我恨透三胖了I hate Kim.
1751 01:16:55 他是一個弱智領導人He is a terrible leader.
1752 01:16:57 - 你看 -好- See? -Okay.
1753 01:16:59 她能幫我們殺了三胖She can help us kill him.
1754 01:17:00 什么 不 不 不是殺了他What? No, no, no killing.
1755 01:17:02 胖子必須得死Kim must die.
1756 01:17:03 那是美國人的方式That's the American way.
1757 01:17:05 你們美國到底想重復幾次這樣的錯誤How many times can the U.S. Make the same mistake?
1758 01:17:08 多少次都愿意As many times as it takes.
1759 01:17:09 殺了金正恩改變不了任何事Killing Kim won't change anything.
1760 01:17:11 那是你說的You said it yourself.
1761 01:17:12 我們得做點什么 對吧We got to do something, right?
1762 01:17:14 他的位置會被接替He will be replaced.
1763 01:17:16 他還有哥哥 他還有其他的將軍們He has brothers, he has other generals.
1764 01:17:17 人們需要The people need
1765 01:17:18 知道他不是神to be shown that he is not a god,
1766 01:17:21 他僅僅是一個普通的人that he is a man.
1767 01:17:22 然后人們才能準備好迎接改變Then they will be ready for change.
1768 01:17:24 是啊 怎么做Yeah, how?
1769 01:17:27 采訪他Interviewing him.
1770 01:17:29 朝鮮的每一個人都會看到現場直播Everyone in North Korea will be watching.
1771 01:17:32 哦 不 采訪都是預先準備好問題的No... the interview's scripted.
1772 01:17:34 他的人絕對不會允許我問真正的問題His people are never going to let me ask real questions.
1773 01:17:37 戴夫 我是他的人之一啊Dave, I am his people.
1774 01:17:39 她掌管全朝鮮的廣播電視臺She controls the broadcast.
1775 01:17:40 我做不了政治采訪節目I can't do political interviews.
1776 01:17:43 我做的是娛樂采訪節目啊I do entertainment interviews.
1777 01:17:45 哥們 你這次絕對他娘的能做好Dude, you can fucking do this.
1778 01:17:47 - 真的 -真的 你不需要動腦子去采訪- Yeah? -Yeah, you don't interview with your brain.
1779 01:17:49 你用你的心去采訪You interview with your heart.
1780 01:17:51 - 真的么 -用你的情感 戴夫- True. -Your emotion, Dave.
1781 01:17:53 你要讓金三胖在全體朝鮮人民面前You get Kim Jong-un to fucking cry like a baby
1782 01:17:56 哭的像一個小崽子in front of all of North Korea?
1783 01:17:59 他們就會知道三胖不是神They'll know he's not a god.
1784 01:18:01 - 我想我能做到 -你可以的- I think I can do this. -You can do it.
1785 01:18:05 我是戴夫•鬧鬧 我能采訪任何人I'm Dave Skylark and I can interview anyone.
1786 01:18:08 是的 你可以Yeah, you can.
1787 01:18:09 搞死這個混蛋Let's take this motherfucker down!
1788 01:18:12 哦 上帝Oh, God, oh, God! Oh, ah!
1789 01:18:28 你壓抑得太久了You got a lot of pent-up energy! -
1790 01:18:30 哦上帝Oh, God!
1791 01:18:33 好了，一切都準備好了Okay, everything's ready.
1792 01:18:35 恩 你準備做一場精彩的表演了么Uh, you ready to rock?
1793 01:18:36 你 你記住所有的事實了嗎Y-You memorize all those facts?
1794 01:18:38 我準備好了 寶貝I'm ready, baby.
1795 01:18:39 太棒了Great.
1796 01:18:40 集中營里有多少人How many people in concentration camps?
1797 01:18:41 20萬200,000.
1798 01:18:42 多少人是營養不良How many people malnourished?
1799 01:18:43 1600萬16 million.
1800 01:18:45 去年他們在核武器上花了8億美元They spent $800 million on nukes last year
1801 01:18:47 而且從聯合國獲得了2億美元的食品援助and got $200 million in food aid from the UN.
1802 01:18:50 我還會知道更多的消息 寶貝And I got more where that came from, baby.
1803 01:18:52 真是太好了 你要揭發這個人渣Really good... you're going to nail this shit.
1804 01:18:55 - 我只是希望我們有一個他媽可靠的逃跑計劃 -為什么我們不去- I just wish we had a fucking escape plan. -Why don't we go
1805 01:18:57 - 日本 -呃 因為中間隔著日本海- to Japan? -Well, 'cause it's across the Sea of Japan.
1806 01:18:59 - 為什么我們不游泳去 -游不過去- Why don't we swim? -Can't swim that.
1807 01:19:01 - 哦 我游泳很厲害的 -真的真的很遠- Oh, I'm a good swimmer. -It's really, really far.
1808 01:19:03 - 有人游過 -沒有- People have done it. -Nope.
1809 01:19:04 - 是的 邁克爾菲爾普斯做到了 -扯談- Yep, Michael Phelps did it. -That's not true.
1810 01:19:06 - 好吧 -好的- -Okay. -Okay.
1811 01:19:08 鬧鬧先生 還有兩分鐘Skylark, two-minute warning.
1812 01:19:09 只要盡你所能讓我直播久點Just keep me on the air as long as you can.
1813 01:19:10 我會的 兄弟I will, man.
1814 01:19:12 也許我們會逃不出去這里Maybe we won't get out of here.
1815 01:19:13 是的 我們可能會死No, we might die.
1816 01:19:15 我擁有一個精彩的人生I've had a great life.
1817 01:19:17 我擁有最好最好的朋友I had the best best friend.
1818 01:19:19 艾倫德杰尼勒斯Fucked more women than Ellen DeGeneres.
1819 01:19:21 而現在是時候And now it's time
1820 01:19:23 讓朝鮮人民也爽一把了for the North Korean people to get their dicks wet.
1821 01:19:27 這是全盤揭秘的完美結局This is a perfect ending for the tell-all.
1822 01:19:31 當兩個最好的朋友友互相盯著對方的眼睛As the two best friends stared each other in the eyes,
1823 01:19:35 他們知道這可能是they knew that this might be
1824 01:19:38 長路的盡頭the end of the long road,
1825 01:19:40 但是他們也知道but they also knew
1826 01:19:42 他們對對方意味著什么 而且即使how much they meant to each other, and even though
1827 01:19:45 沒有人大聲說出來neither one could say it out loud,
1828 01:19:49 他們都是這樣想they were both thinking...
1829 01:19:51 我愛你I love you.
1830 01:19:55 好的，兄弟 有我呢Okay, man, you got this.
1831 01:19:58 好的Okay.
1832 01:20:02 表演時間Showtime.
1833 01:20:06 戴夫Dave.
1834 01:21:04 金先生Kim.
1835 01:21:07 你準備好向世界分享Are you ready to share with the world
1836 01:21:09 你燦爛的笑容了嗎that gorgeous smile of yours?
1837 01:21:11 今晚 我想他們想要看的是你的笑容Tonight, I think it's your smile they want to see.
1838 01:21:16 我有東西給你I have something for you.
1839 01:21:17 什么What?!
1840 01:21:21 這是什么What's this?
1841 01:21:22 打開吧Open.
1842 01:21:30 哇Aw... aw!
1843 01:21:32 給我的For me?
1844 01:21:34 給你的For you.
1845 01:21:36 噢噢噢噢Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...!
1846 01:21:39 噢 他就像迪格比Oh, he's just like Digby.
1847 01:21:41 就像迪格比Just like Digby.
1848 01:21:43 我想我要幸福死了I think I'm gonna die.
1849 01:21:44 - 噢 我的天 -拜托 不要死啊- Oh, my God... -Don't die, please.
1850 01:21:46 至少要到訪談結束啊Not till after the interview.
1851 01:21:48 這只狗可愛死了This dog is killing me with cuteness.
1852 01:21:51 - 他是超級可愛 -我能擁有它嗎- He's crazy cute. -Can I keep it?
1853 01:21:53 帶他回家吧 永遠永遠Take him home, forever and ever.
1854 01:21:55 為什么Why?
1855 01:21:58 我過著孤獨的生活 戴夫I live a lonely life, Dave...
1856 01:22:02 而它溫暖著我的心and it warms my heart to know
1857 01:22:05 知道世上有人that there is someone in this world
1858 01:22:07 能讓我做真正的自己with whom I can truly be myself.
1859 01:22:10 無論別人怎么說你Whatever they say about you...
1860 01:22:15 他們都錯了they're wrong.
1861 01:22:18 我就是我而且做最好的自己I'm just me and I do my best.
1862 01:22:21 你是我的兄弟You're my brother.
1863 01:22:24 你是我的兄弟You're my brother.
1864 01:22:27 我們先不管這些 好嗎Let's get this out of the way, okay?
1865 01:22:29 - 好的 -好的- Okay. -Okay.
1866 01:22:31 我們該怎么稱呼你呢 啊And what are we gonna name you, huh?
1867 01:22:33 你需要一個名字 是的 你需要You need a name? Yes, you do.
1868 01:22:41 看 看 他看起來像迪格比Look, look. He looks just like Digby.
1869 01:22:45 你一定在跟我開玩笑的吧You gotta be fucking kidding me.
1870 01:22:47 我很快會再見你 拜拜We see you in a minute. Bye-bye.
1871 01:22:51 - 好的 -好的- Okay... -Okay.
1872 01:22:52 - 我們開始吧 -你準備好了嗎- Shall we begin? -Are you ready?
1873 01:22:54 他媽的閉嘴Shut the fuck up.
1874 01:22:55 伙計們 現在開始 現在開始Guys, it's starting! It's starting.
1875 01:22:58 我們倒數五聲And we're on in five...
1876 01:23:01 四 三four, three...
1877 01:23:06 晚上好Good evening.
1878 01:23:08 全世界的觀眾朋友們 早上好And good morning to our viewers around the world.
1879 01:23:09 我是戴夫鬧鬧I'm Dave Skylark.
1880 01:23:11 謝謝你們和我一起見證這個歷史性的時刻Thank you for joining me for this historic moment in history.
1881 01:23:15 在我旁邊的是朝鮮民主主義人民共和國的I'm with President Kim Jong-un
1882 01:23:17 金正恩主席of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
1883 01:23:20 我們正在平壤外的We are broadcasting
1884 01:23:22 一個發射臺為你報道from a station outside of Pyongyang
1885 01:23:24 這個特別版本的for this very special edition of:
1886 01:23:26 今夜鬧鬧秀"Skylark Tonight."
1887 01:23:29 感謝你的參加Thank you for joining me,
1888 01:23:31 金正恩主席President Kim Jong-un.
1889 01:23:33 我很榮幸 戴夫It is my pleasure, Dave.
1890 01:23:35 你知道 外界對朝鮮You know, there is so much misunderstanding
1891 01:23:37 有那么多的誤解about North Korea
1892 01:23:39 并且 額 從我個人來說and, uh, me personally.
1893 01:23:41 - 嗯呢 -我覺得想不出還有誰- Mm-hmm. -And I can't think of a man
1894 01:23:43 能比你更有才華了with greater intelligence than you.
1895 01:23:45 我對這次機會I am grateful
1896 01:23:47 為我的政府 也為國際社會for this opportunity for my government
1897 01:23:49 創建一個更好的關系and for the international community
1898 01:23:52 表示深深的感謝to forge a better relationship.
1899 01:23:55 所以您想糾正誤解So you want to set the record straight.
1900 01:23:57 正有此意 戴夫Indeed, Dave.
1901 01:23:59 三號攝像機Camera three.
1902 01:24:00 貴國和南韓之間的兩國關系Tensions between your nation
1903 01:24:02 局勢一直比較緊張and South Korea are at an all-time high.
1904 01:24:05 甚至用 處在戰爭邊緣 來形容也不為過It's fair to say that you're on the brink of armed conflict.
1905 01:24:08 所以 我想知道的是So, what I want to know is:
1906 01:24:11 在這段高壓時期In these times of great stress,
1907 01:24:13 您還唱卡拉OK么do you do karaoke?
1908 01:24:15 我唱 戴夫Yes, I do, Dave.
1909 01:24:17 我堅信對于掌權高層來說I believe that it is important for those in power
1910 01:24:21 與生活中的美好保持接觸是很重要的to remain in touch with the beauty in life.
1911 01:24:21 與生活中的美好保持接觸是很重要的to remain in touch with the beauty in life.
1912 01:24:23 您也是一位非常有才華的畫家 是嗎You are also a very accomplished painter, aren't you?
1913 01:24:26 我無法抵抗藝術的魅力Well, how can I not be?
1914 01:24:28 他正在念稿子上的問題He's reading the scripted questions.
1915 01:24:29 他先哄著他 然再牽著他鼻子走He lulls them and then he gets them.
1916 01:24:31 這是他的絕活It's his technique.
1917 01:24:33 生活中的美好引領著您The beauty guides you.
1918 01:24:34 它引領著我It guides my hand.
1919 01:24:36 真特么胡扯This is fuckin' bullshit.
1920 01:24:38 我們談一個嚴肅的話題Let's take it to a serious tip.
1921 01:24:40 偉大的金領袖Supreme Leader Kim, when...
1922 01:24:42 當美國the United States,
1923 01:24:44 這種擁有大規模核武器的國家which has an enormous stockpile of nuclear weapons,
1924 01:24:47 堅持認為像您們這樣的國家并未持有核武器時insists that countries like yours have none,
1925 01:24:52 這種論調您覺得虛偽嗎does that feel hypocritical to you?
1926 01:24:55 許多美國人并沒意識到Many Americans do not realize
1927 01:24:57 在朝鮮發生的戰爭that the war in North Korea
1928 01:25:00 完全是美國政府的錯誤was entirely the fault of the United States.
1929 01:25:02 草的 金三胖挑釁我們Damn! Kim's callin' us out!
1930 01:25:05 - 你現在還抱希望嗎 - 不了- You really are still hopeful? -No, no, I'm not
1931 01:25:07 我一點也不抱希望了 他徹底放棄我們的計劃了hopeful at all. He's totally bailed on the plan.
1932 01:25:10 美國佬 你對這些朝鮮人做了什么America, what you done to these Koreans?
1933 01:25:12 有點小尷尬This is a little embarrassing.
1934 01:25:14 所以當你想到你的國家經歷的So when you think of all that your country has been through...
1935 01:25:17 戰爭 洪水所有這些災難時the wars, the floods
1936 01:25:20 你覺得你的人民應該為他們的堅韌和力量do you think that your people should be rewarded
1937 01:25:22 而受到政府的褒揚嗎for their resilience and strength?
1938 01:25:25 當然 戴夫Of course, Dave.
1939 01:25:31 那你為什么不讓他們吃飽Then why don't you feed them?
1940 01:25:38 - 恩 - 唔- -Hmm.. -Mm...
1941 01:25:41 額 我I...
1942 01:25:45 二號攝像機Camera two.
1943 01:25:49 你能再說一遍么I... beg your pardon?
1944 01:25:51 你為什么不讓你的人民吃飽飯Why don't you feed your people?
1945 01:25:53 他們正飽受饑餓They are hungry.
1946 01:25:54 確切來說 他們中的三分之二都在挨餓Specifically, two-thirds of them?
1947 01:25:56 既然你是他們眼中的頂梁柱 乃至 上帝Isn't that a little embarrassing, since you're
1948 01:25:59 您有沒有一點小難堪呢the one they view as a provider and a god?
1949 01:26:01 你每年花8億美元用作核武器的資金And you spend $800 million on nukes every year?
1950 01:26:04 你有一千六百萬的民眾And you have 16 million people
1951 01:26:06 在挨餓who are starving?
1952 01:26:13 你確定你不要Are you sure you don't, uh...
1953 01:26:16 問問我土豆田啥的這些事么mean to ask me about potato yields?
1954 01:26:19 不 我想知道No, I want to know
1955 01:26:20 我剛才問的事情about that other thing I just asked.
1956 01:26:22 好的 嗯 額Okay, uh, well, uh...
1957 01:26:23 戴夫 正如你親自看到的Dave, as you have seen for yourself
1958 01:26:26 我們有很多的糧食we have a great bounty of food in North Korea.
1959 01:26:29 我親眼看到的是What I saw for myself
1960 01:26:31 一個假的小胖墩假裝was a fake grocery store
1961 01:26:34 在一個假的食品雜貨店門前with a fake fat kid planted right in front of it.
1962 01:26:40 好吧 額 嗯Okay, uh, this is, uh...
1963 01:26:42 這些問題太失禮了an offensive line of questioning.
1964 01:26:44 我不覺得這無禮 我覺得這很重要I don't think it's offensive. I think it's super important.
1965 01:26:47 如果你不想回答這些問題Obviously, if you don't want to answer these questions,
1966 01:26:48 你可以直接站起來然后走出去you can just get up and walk away.
1967 01:26:49 我又不能把你拉回來I can't keep you from retreating.
1968 01:26:51 - 他要摁那個按鈕了 -他沒有 他在那坐著呢- He's gonna go for the button. -He's not. He's sitting there.
1969 01:26:53 - 他沒動 -他就要按了- He's not moving. -He's going for the button.
1970 01:26:55 他要按了 他要按了He's going for the button, he's going for the button...
1971 01:26:57 他沒有 草 見鬼 他要按了He's not. Oh, shit. He's making a move!
1972 01:26:58 別動 蠢貨Don't move, homie!
1973 01:27:00 把你的手遠離操作臺 抬手Get your hand away from there! Get over there!
1974 01:27:02 滾開點Over there!
1975 01:27:03 滾 開 點Get over there!
1976 01:27:06 我會盯死你的I will cap you!
1977 01:27:07 我抑制不住情緒了I'm exploding with energy.
1978 01:27:09 我不敢相信真的發生了I can't believe this is happening.
1979 01:27:10 我現在感覺如此的有活力 這太真實了I feel so alive right now. This is so real.
1980 01:27:12 他問住他了 干得漂亮He's got him. Nice!
1981 01:27:15 - 戴夫 戴夫 -我了解你 三胖- Dave! Dave... -I know you, Kim.
1982 01:27:24 戴夫Dave...
1983 01:27:26 也許你應該問的問題是perhaps the question you should ask is:
1984 01:27:28 在美國對朝鮮施加How have I managed to keep my country so well-nourished
1985 01:27:32 如此嚴酷的和不公平的經濟制裁despite the harsh and unjust economic sanctions
1986 01:27:35 我是怎么樣讓我的國家保持營養良好的imposed on North Korea by the United States?
1987 01:27:39 制裁 嗯Sanctions? Uh...
1988 01:27:42 你不知道美國Don't you know that the United States
1989 01:27:43 比朝鮮有更多的人進監獄么has more incarcerated people per capita than North Korea?
1990 01:27:47 - 是啊 但是 -所以 也許現在- No. But... -So, perhaps, now,
1991 01:27:49 你也許會希望回到you would like to return
1992 01:27:50 我們事先達成的討論討論議題上來to the civil discussion we had originally agreed upon.
1993 01:27:54 - 額- Uh...
1994 01:27:56 不-No! -
1995 01:28:02 哦 見鬼 轉到一號攝像機Oh, shit! Go to camera one!
1996 01:28:08 三號攝像機 三號攝像機Camera three! Camera three!
1997 01:28:15 別動 蠢貨Do not move, homie!
1998 01:28:26 給我來點什么 快特么給我來點止血的Give me something! Give me fucking something!
1999 01:28:28 好Okay...
2000 01:28:30 干嗎啊Why?!
2001 01:28:32 草 痛啊 疼死了Fuck! Shit, that hurts!
2002 01:28:35 我們沒有集中營 戴夫We don't have concentration camps, Dave.
2003 01:28:37 你到這以后Have you seen one person mistreated
2004 01:28:39 可曾見過一個人受到虐待嗎since your arrival here?
2005 01:28:45 見鬼 有人要來了Oh, shit! Someone's coming.
2006 01:28:47 有人要來了Someone's coming.
2007 01:29:02 草 草Oh, fuck! Fuck!
2008 01:29:04 戴夫 除非你能讓我看到某個人Dave, unless you can show me a person, a photo
2009 01:29:07 或是一張餓殍遍野的照片of widespread hunger...
2010 01:29:15 艾倫Aaron!
2011 01:29:29 別亂搞攝像機的角度Do not fuck with my angles!
2012 01:29:43 哦 丟 丟Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
2013 01:29:47 你特么亂搞攝像機的角度You're fucking up the angles!
2014 01:29:50 給老子坐好Sit still!
2015 01:29:51 拉大視野 二號攝像機Go wide, camera two!
2016 01:29:53 慢慢推進Slow push!
2017 01:30:08 謝謝Thank you!
2018 01:30:10 面對現實吧 戴夫 你失敗了Face it, Dave, you have failed.
2019 01:30:12 你胡亂的指控可你什么都證明不了You've made wild allegations but you have proven nothing.
2020 01:30:16 你經歷了如此長的旅途You made this long journey
2021 01:30:17 只是告訴世界他們對的just to show the world that they were right about you.
2022 01:30:20 你根本就做不了真正的采訪You are incapable of conducting a real interview.
2023 01:30:24 你就是個笑話You're a joke!
2024 01:30:29 也許你是對的Maybe you're right.
2025 01:30:31 是的 采訪糟透了Yeah, it sucks.
2026 01:30:34 因為我極度需要Because I need people's approval.
2027 01:30:39 民眾的認可Desperately.
2028 01:30:40 因為我永遠也無法從我父親得到認可Because I could never get it
2029 01:30:42 當我是個小孩子時就那樣from my father when I was a kid.
2030 01:30:51 但是我在你身上看到了許多一樣的東西 金正恩But I see a lot of the same thing in you, Kim.
2031 01:30:56 你的父親Your father...
2032 01:30:57 剝奪了你生活中再簡單不過的快樂deprived you of life's simplest pleasures.
2033 01:31:03 他告訴你雞尾酒是基佬才喝的He told you that margaritas are gay.
2034 01:31:06 我對于雞尾酒沒有看法I have no comment on margaritas.
2035 01:31:10 那你為什么不喝呢Then why don't you drink them?
2036 01:31:11 我 不喜歡大腦不清醒I... don't like brain freeze.
2037 01:31:15 去你的 戴夫Fuck you, Dave.
2038 01:31:17 你個混球You fucking asshole.
2039 01:31:20 我還有一個問題要問你I just have one more question for you.
2040 01:31:24 你可曾感到自己如同空中的塑料袋Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Drifting
2041 01:31:25 隨風飄蕩 想要重新開始 -你說啥through the wind? Wanting to start again? -What is that?
2042 01:31:36 - 我不知道你說什么 -哦 你知道的- I don't know what that is. -Oh, yes, you do.
2043 01:31:38 不 我不知道 我這輩子都沒聽過No, I don't. I never heard that before in my life.
2044 01:31:41 你又可曾感到自己單薄得如紙般脆弱Do you ever feel? Feel so paper thin?
2045 01:31:41 如同紙牌搭成的房子Just like a house of cards?
2046 01:31:48 只要輕輕一吹就會崩塌One blow from caving in?
2047 01:31:49 我不知道I don't know
2048 01:31:52 你唱的是什么what you're singing.
2049 01:31:53 你肯定知道我唱的什么You know exactly what it is.
2050 01:31:55 - 不 我不知道 -沒必要再撒謊了- No, I don't. -You don't need to lie anymore.
2051 01:31:57 水果姐凱蒂 佩里是你的最愛Katy Perry's your favorite!
2052 01:32:00 凱蒂什么Katy who?
2053 01:32:01 我不知道你在說些什么I don't know who you're talking about.
2054 01:32:03 - 你要燃點光芒閃耀全場You just got to ignite The light? And let It shine?
2055 01:32:11 -別唱副歌了 求你了Not the chorus, please.
2056 01:32:13 -你要擁有屬于你的夜晚 -別唱了 -像七月四日那樣耀眼You just got to ignite And own The night -Stop! Like it's the Fourth of July?
2057 01:32:18 小金金 別忘了你就是一支煙火 -別唱了Cause,Kimmy, you're a firework!Stop!
2058 01:32:23 來吧 讓他們瞧瞧你的價值Go and show 'em what you're worth
2059 01:32:27 來吧 現在就點燃自己 噢噢噢And make 'em go Oh, oh, oh
2060 01:32:31 當你在天空巡游時 人們會為你歡呼As you sail across the sky-y-y
2061 01:32:35 小金金 你就是那創造美麗的煙火 -夠了 Kimmy, you're a firework! No!
2062 01:32:39 我不需要我父親I don't need my father!
2063 01:32:41 我很強大I am strong!
2064 01:33:08 不好意思Excuse me.
2065 01:33:10 你剛剛挫屎了么Did you just shart?
2066 01:33:11 不 我沒有No, I didn't.
2067 01:33:12 是那個扛攝像機的家伙It was that camera guy.
2068 01:33:15 不是我It wasn't me.
2069 01:33:16 女士們 先生們Ladies and gentlemen,
2070 01:33:17 偉大的金主席剛剛在他的褲子里Kim Jong-un has just pooed
2071 01:33:19 便便了in his pants.
2072 01:33:26 咱們走吧Let's get the fuck out of here.
2073 01:33:28 好 咱們走吧Yeah, let's go.
2074 01:34:10 草 猛女Damn, girl.
2075 01:34:12 你是個混球You a bad-ass.
2076 01:34:14 我以為得你是我的朋友 戴夫I thought you were my friend, Dave.
2077 01:34:16 我也以為你是我的朋友 金I thought you were my friend, Kim.
2078 01:34:19 關于你 我覺得每個人都撒謊了I thought everyone lied about you.
2079 01:34:21 后來我在那個假的食品雜貨店And then I saw that fake grapefruit
2080 01:34:24 看到假的西柚in that fake grocery store,
2081 01:34:26 我意識到你是一個虛偽的朋友and I realized that you were a fake friend.
2082 01:34:30 然后你說你會把所有人都炸死And then you said you were gonna blow everybody up
2083 01:34:33 僅僅為了證明你是個大人物just to show what a big guy you are?
2084 01:34:35 沒有哪個朋友會轟炸另一個朋友的國家No friend would blow up another friend's country.
2085 01:34:36 你就是一個屁股很大You're just a flawed man
2086 01:34:39 有缺陷的人with a big old butthole.
2087 01:34:41 你和我們一樣會拉屎撒尿And you pee and poo like the rest of us.
2088 01:34:53 好吧 這樣說吧 戴夫Well, tell me this, Dave.
2089 01:34:58 當我在全世界面前殺了你時Will you be so cocky
2090 01:34:59 你還會這么狂妄嗎when I slay you in front of the whole world,
2091 01:35:02 你個特么的美國佬you Yankee motherfucker?
2092 01:35:04 如果你槍殺我If you shoot me,
2093 01:35:06 你將證明我是對的you'll just be proving me right.
2094 01:35:09 你只是個悲傷的小可憐蟲You're just a sad little man.
2095 01:35:15 戴夫 戴夫 哦不Dave! Dave! No!
2096 01:35:22 我是戴夫·鬧鬧This is Dave Skylark
2097 01:35:23 本次直播結束signing off.
2098 01:35:31 永別了 戴夫Good-bye, Dave.
2099 01:35:43 天哪Oh, man.
2100 01:35:51 防彈背心Bulletproof vest.
2101 01:35:53 太機智了Genius!
2102 01:35:56 大家看啊 他還活著He's alive, everybody!
2103 01:35:58 哦 我了個大草Oh, fuck!
2104 01:35:59 他居然穿了防彈背心Got a bulletproof vest on!
2105 01:36:00 我不知道他怎么得到的 但是他就是穿上了I don't know how he got it, but he's got it on!
2106 01:36:03 謝謝觀看我對金三胖的采訪Thank you for watching my interview with Kim Jong-un.
2107 01:36:05 我是 戴夫·鬧鬧This is Dave Skylark
2108 01:36:07 本次直播結束signing off.
2109 01:36:09 不No!
2110 01:36:11 - 艾倫 -我們他媽趕緊離開這個鳥不拉屎的地方- Aaron! -Let's get the fuck out of here.
2111 01:36:13 等一下Wait!
2112 01:36:15 那只小狗The puppy.
2113 01:36:16 等一下 你的手腫了么Hey, what happened to your hand?
2114 01:36:18 某人咬斷了我的手指Someone bit my fucking fingers off.
2115 01:36:19 就跟 佛羅多一樣That's just like Frodo!
2116 01:36:20 媽蛋- Oh, shit! -
2117 01:36:23 別開槍 我抱著一只小狗Don't shoot! I have a puppy!
2118 01:36:40 快跑Go!
2119 01:36:45 哦 不 不- Oh, no! No!
2120 01:36:46 - 那是啥玩意兒 -哦 哦- What is that?! -Oh, oh, no!
2121 01:36:47 我靠- Oh, shit!
2122 01:36:48 哦 上帝啊Oh, God!
2123 01:36:50 哦 不Oh, no!
2124 01:36:51 靠 媽的 那里有更多敵人Oh, shit! Oh, shit! There's more!
2125 01:36:55 你是一個英雄啊You're a hero!
2126 01:36:56 謝謝你 同志Thank you, sir!
2127 01:37:52 那是唯一的出路啊That's the only way out.
2128 01:37:54 嗨Hey...
2129 01:37:55 我有個主意I have an idea.
2130 01:37:57 跟我來Follow me.
2131 01:38:12 這他媽是凱蒂佩里的歌嗎- Is this Katy fucking Perry?!
2132 01:38:15 就讓它開著吧 能幫我集中注意力Just leave it on! It's helping me concentrate.
2133 01:38:31 臥槽 那他媽是核彈嗎Oh, shit, are those fucking nukes?
2134 01:38:33 讓我看看Let me check!
2135 01:38:37 操 我們死定了Oh, we really fucked up!
2136 01:38:38 他媽逼在準備他的核彈He's arming his fucking nukes!
2137 01:38:46 啊 我了個大草Aah! Fuck!
2138 01:38:58 鬧鬧Skylark!
2139 01:39:05 三胖Kim!
2140 01:39:08 草泥馬Fuck you!
2141 01:39:25 我被子彈擦傷了I've been grazed!
2142 01:39:27 - 小狗咋樣了 -小狗還好- How's the puppy? -Puppy is okay!
2143 01:39:29 你要用生命保護小狗You protect that puppy with your life.
2144 01:39:42 我們要做點什么We got to do something!
2145 01:39:43 他要殺了我們He's gonna fucking kill us!
2146 01:39:44 我們在坦克里We're in a tank!
2147 01:39:45 回擊 干他Shoot him back.
2148 01:39:50 裝彈完畢It's loaded!
2149 01:39:51 咱們炸死那狗娘養的Let's barbeque this motherfucker.
2150 01:40:02 倒數三秒On three.
2151 01:40:04 快點啊 瑪德法克Balls to the wall, motherfuckers!
2152 01:40:07 嘭 嘭Boom, boom...
2153 01:40:10 嘭Boom!
2154 01:41:37 耶Yes!
2155 01:41:39 哦耶 呀呼- Yes! Yes!
2156 01:41:41 偶耶Yes!
2157 01:41:43 好的 -好的Okay. -SOOK: Okay.
2158 01:41:45 這條路That way.
2159 01:41:48 是個破舊的采礦巷道兒It's an old mining tunnel.
2160 01:41:50 - 我去 這能帶我們去哪里 -西邊- Holy shit, where does that go? -West.
2161 01:41:51 遠離平壤Away from Pyongyang.
2162 01:41:53 你們要一直走到海邊Keep moving until you reach the coast.
2163 01:41:55 我祝你們倆好運I wish you both luck.
2164 01:41:57 怎么聽起來好像你不跟我們一塊兒走You sound like you're not coming with us.
2165 01:41:58 - 對啊 素英 -你要干嘛- Yeah, Sook....? -What-what are you doing?
2166 01:41:59 我要回平壤I have to go to Pyongyang.
2167 01:42:01 你要直接回到那個瘋人院嗎That's going right back into the snake pit.
2168 01:42:02 我不能離開朝鮮I can't leave North Korea.
2169 01:42:04 我剛剛把事情變的更加混亂I just helped plunge it into chaos.
2170 01:42:06 - 是啊 -我們剛才不也摻和了一腳嗎 但我很高興離開啊- Yeah, yeah. -So did we. I'm okay with leaving.
2171 01:42:07 我要確保政權I have to ensure that the power
2172 01:42:09 不會落到錯誤的人手上does not transfer to the wrong hands.
2173 01:42:10 我不否認I can't deny
2174 01:42:12 我們之間有感情that we have a chemistry,
2175 01:42:14 但我需要呆在我的人民身邊but I have to stay here for my people.
2176 01:42:18 好吧Okay.
2177 01:42:19 很高興遇見你I'm glad to meet you.
2178 01:42:22 嗯Okay.
2179 01:42:23 吻她Kiss her.
2180 01:42:27 親她啊 兄弟Kiss her, dude.
2181 01:42:29 對 挨近點兒Yeah, get in there.
2182 01:42:34 哦-Ooh...
2183 01:42:40 我很高興認識你 艾倫I'm happy to have met you, Aaron.
2184 01:42:43 我也是You, too.
2185 01:42:46 再見 素英Bye, Sook.
2186 01:42:48 好好在戰爭里享樂吧Have fun with the war.
2187 01:43:12 - 沒人 很安全 -好的- All right, it's clear. -Okay.
2188 01:43:16 好 我們走Okay, here you go.
2189 01:43:17 - 你抱住它了 -是的 抱住了- You got him? -All right... got him.
2190 01:43:19 好Yeah.
2191 01:43:20 你從那個深邃的 破舊又可怕的洞穴里出來了耶You out of that big, old, scary hole?
2192 01:43:25 我們在哪兒Where are we?
2193 01:43:27 不清楚I don't know.
2194 01:43:28 這是中國嗎Is this China?
2195 01:43:30 不太清楚 看起來還在朝鮮I don't know. Looks like North Korea.
2196 01:43:31 好吧Yeah.
2197 01:43:32 兄弟Man.
2198 01:43:34 - 好吧 哪條路通往海岸 -完全沒頭緒- Well, which way's the coast? -I have no idea.
2199 01:43:36 那能有點什么作用嗎Does that do something?
2200 01:43:37 狗總向往海邊跑Dogs always run to the sea.
2201 01:43:39 - 這不是真的 -你得自己去找到海岸線- That's not true. -You got to find the sea.
2202 01:43:41 我覺得這個不可能會成功的 戴夫I don't think that's gonna happen, Dave.
2203 01:43:43 該死的Shit.
2204 01:43:44 - 該死的 該死的 該死的 -保護好小狗- Shit! Shit! Shit! -Protect the puppy!
2205 01:43:47 - 保護好它 -停下 是他們- Protect the puppy! -Stop! It's them.
2206 01:43:51 羅密歐五號請回答Echo Romeo Five.
2207 01:43:52 羅密歐五號請回答 我們找到了Echo Romeo Five, we have contact
2208 01:43:54 蜣螂和土豚with Dung Beetle and Aardvark.
2209 01:43:56 艾倫 戴夫 我是宋隊長Aaron, Dave, I'm Captain Sung,
2210 01:43:59 - 海豹六隊 -天哪- SEAL Team Six. -Holy shit.
2211 01:44:01 你們怎么找到我們的How'd you guys find us?
2212 01:44:02 我們通過你的手表We tracked you using the GPS
2213 01:44:03 - 使用GPS追蹤你們 -噢 天哪- on your wristwatch. -Oh, my God.
2214 01:44:04 讓我們帶你們回家Let's get you boys home.
2215 01:44:06 天哪Oh, my God.
2216 01:44:07 給你的For you.
2217 01:44:08 給我的Me?
2218 01:44:10 是總統嗎Is it the president?
2219 01:44:11 奧巴馬Mr. Obama?
2220 01:44:12 不 是我 特工蕾絲Nope, just me, Agent Lacey.
2221 01:44:14 特工蕾絲Agent Lacey.
2222 01:44:16 在這兒聽到你的聲音感覺真好Fancy hearing from you here.
2223 01:44:17 我很喜歡你們的采訪 伙計們I enjoyed your interview, guys.
2224 01:44:20 現在不要把你的撤退計劃搞砸Now try not to fuck up your extraction.
2225 01:44:23 安全的回家吧Get home safe.
2226 01:44:25 猜猜誰會去美國 那個不會吃狗狗的地方Guess who's going to America where they don't eat doggies?
2227 01:44:28 - 你會被照顧的很好 -好的 我們出發吧- And you get all the good stuff, -Okay, let's just go.
2228 01:44:30 - 太好了 -我們走吧 我們能走了嗎 好的- and it's nice. -Let's get out... Can we please go? Okay.
2229 01:44:43 讓他們進來Get them in.
2230 01:44:46 帶上那只狗Take the dog.
2231 01:45:11 她對我下套了She honeypotted me
2232 01:45:13 什么 你在說什么What? What are you talking about?
2233 01:45:15 素英Sook.
2234 01:45:16 好好想想吧 伙計Think about it, man.
2235 01:45:17 我的意思是 她研究過我 她勾引我I mean, she researched me, she seduced me,
2236 01:45:20 她把我的計劃據為己有 變成她自己的she commandeered my plans, made them her own.
2237 01:45:22 我的意思是 她利用我I mean, she used me.
2238 01:45:24 我承認這個 就像 是個他媽的好理由I'll admit it was for, like, a really good fucking cause,
2239 01:45:28 但是她對我下套了but she honeypotted me.
2240 01:45:30 是的Yeah.
2241 01:45:31 好吧 離開她更好Well, good riddance.
2242 01:45:32 我討厭那他媽的婊子I hated that fucking bitch.
2243 01:45:34 真的嗎Really?
2244 01:45:36 不 只是覺得這會讓你感覺好一點Nah, just thought it would make you feel better.
2245 01:45:39 那是你唯一的真愛That was your one true love.
2246 01:45:41 現在 她走了Now she's gone.
2247 01:45:43 沒有讓我感覺到好點Doesn't make me feel any better.
2248 01:45:46 但你有我們Well, you have us,
2249 01:45:49 我們愛你and "We wuv you."
2250 01:45:55 我們互相愛著對方"We aw wuv each other."
2251 01:46:06 隨著朝鮮海岸線"And as the North Korean coastline
2252 01:46:08 離我們徐徐遠去"Receded in the distance,
2253 01:46:10 我們聽到噼里啪啦的槍聲"We heard the crackling of gunfire.
2254 01:46:14 這是一場革命的開始"It was the beginning of a revolution...
2255 01:46:17 一場艾倫和我共同挑起的革命"A revolution Aaron and I started.
2256 01:46:22 當然 在這樣的故事里"Of course, in a tale like this.
2257 01:46:25 你也許會期待能發現"You might expect to find
2258 01:46:27 一些火辣的CIA的"Some hot CIA
2259 01:46:30 超級性感的"Honeypot
2260 01:46:32 尤物bombshell..."
2261 01:46:42 也許找到幾架無人機"...maybe a few drones
2262 01:46:43 或者一只充滿機密的CIA手表or a secret CIA watch."
2263 01:46:47 你用Skype了You got Skype!
2264 01:46:48 很高興看到你So good to see your face.
2265 01:46:49 等會兒 有人想打個招呼Wait, someone else wants to say hi.
2266 01:46:51 哈哈哈ha ha
2267 01:46:52 猜猜我們叫他什么Guess what we named him?
2268 01:46:53 金正恩Kim Jong-un.
2269 01:46:55 艾倫 那有點太扯淡了 不是嗎Aaron, that's a little fucked up, no?
2270 01:46:56 是的 這名字非常糟糕 但是它很可愛Oh, it's super fucked up, but he's cute, though.
2271 01:46:59 可是情況并非如此"But there was none of that.
2272 01:47:01 什么都沒有"No.
2273 01:47:02 這場革命"This was a revolution
2274 01:47:05 就是因為那"Ignited with nothing more
2275 01:47:07 一臺攝像機"Than a camera
2276 01:47:09 和一些問題引起的"And some questions.
2277 01:47:11 這些問題致使一個男人"Questions that led a man
2278 01:47:14 這個曾經被平民當做神一般的人"Once revered as a god
2279 01:47:15 放聲大哭"Among mortals to cry
2280 01:47:18 大小便失禁"And shit his pants.
2281 01:47:21 故事結束The end."
2282 01:47:24 謝謝Thank you.